//So that essay I did. I ended up writing VERY VERY thinly veiled DOD fanfiction for the prompt which was basically “Write a first-person initiation into adulthood based off one of the stories in the textbook and a comparative essay between the two after” and so I ended up bullshitting the essay only reading the stories after I made the narrative lol i got a 96/100 anyways //I figured as it was about everyone’s favourite bilf of the bog that I’d post it here, but... //Reminder: This is my first time really solidly writing in first person since I was like nine, so it may be a bit rocky. First person is NOT my area of expertise lol //And ofc obvious trigger warnings for mentions of paedophilia and stuff (Nothing explicit though, of course!) //Enjoy!

“...And we’ll be married. You’ll see.” “I never saw you speak to each other.” “I said, you’ll see.”

So the banter had gone by so frequently then, and now stood I alongside his wife and his child, and mother on the other side, staring at the curves of his face and how it had thinned, still soft and child-like yet aged and grown in such a way none could have explained by any normal means. Perhaps, then, it was in the sight of those definitively unchanging eyes and how they gleamed the same way under the sun that had caught my attention, and in turn, his, and he turned to look back with some strange sadness that I had averted my gaze in some feeling between either abashedness or fear of any hint of understanding to be held. “...Why her?” “Her? Leonard, look at her.” “I do see her.” “Don’t you? You hardly even looked. Well…” “She… Is kind, isn’t she?” “Yes! And one day, I will make her my bride.” And so the village men had gone and lined up near the forest break on the army’s cart, the showing of the backs of their unnaturally cut hair settling an odd knot in the stomachs of I and who I was certain, the other few men who stayed behind. Orbas’s hair had been a similar length of the day I met him, so I had recalled, though the ends were splayed and framed that once pale neck in such a way that reminded me of the small leaves of a flaxen bush or perhaps a spring tree, though there was one small, favorite piece that strayed off the side of his face — His son, such a small child, had already inherited it — And so he had frequently kept tied and twined with the same strip of leather worn by men and women here. For Orbas, it was no more. I had thought to pick up his son at that moment; for his sake, his father’s sake, and as well my own. Near four and almost the same image as his father, that I had at times troubled myself in remembering his mother, and to see and grant his father’s own personal wishes of caring for that stray hair in his place (So as I had when we were mere boys), tying the silk strands in place, to have “him” so completely and totally reliant on me, it was comforting. The feel of the warmth from such a small body, held in my arms and placed against my own, the grip of small hands pulling against my cloak, was comforting. It was wish fulfillment, in a way. The circumstances in which we had met were entirely on Orbas’s own will. How he darted so confidently up to the smithing corner with frail legs that seemed ready to snap under his own weight, and I, feeble and feminine in mind as he was in body, having apparently gained some semblance leaning towards haughty self-bravado thought, ‘What does this mad fool think he’s doing? Who does he think he is?’ and was only further driven in such convictions when he spoke as if we had never once been strangers before. For Orbas, all it took was a single conversation —  And still, for all the good I’ve come to speak and feel for him, I think not once have I changed in my belief that he was completely mad that day in having tossed all pride aside to speak to the mollified mute of Atheren. 

He had dragged me from my crafts, introduced me to friends who would soon become my own, and had not once ceased for a day after to visit me in my practice there. Father was pleased at first, until he wasn’t, as I had gone from smithing and not speaking to speaking and not smithing, and following his harsh, booming rebuke towards the shaken lad as I could only offer my embarrassed gaze lowered towards the dirt, and bits of green with hints of metal in-between, he would come every other day instead. When we went out, with others or by ourselves as we later had, it had always been Orbas there to lead the way, the conversation, to give directions and warnings unless I knew better in my caution, to where I would try to speak — But I was merely a follower. I have always been, a fact with no shame in admitting and a fate I would think to show no more than indifferent contentment towards. “Why me?” I had asked. Another walk. “We never spoke before.” “Can you keep a secret?” I nodded. Something in my heart fluttered and leapt with those words. “Well… Haven’t you seen yourself?” Something must have been spoken in my silence as confusion or hurt in a way he didn’t need to look over his shoulder to see, prompting him to explain. “You never spoke to the adults or children your age, but only the animals and infants lost by their mothers. You panicked, but always found them home. We saw it. We all did, then, you know.” “...” “When you saw a fly being eaten by a spider, you would take a stick to it and try to ward it off. If you couldn’t reach, you’d find somewhere else to go that you didn’t have to hear it. Your father yelled at you because you had trouble baiting a fish hook. Other children… Normal boys, at least, we saw it and laughed. You, already bigger than the rest of us and yet hardly able to look anyone in the eyes. The girls fancied it, though, called you a gentleman and all, and so one day I thought, ‘I wonder if there’s someone he’s trying to impress with all this?’ and I began to get curious.” “No. I… I’m not trying to impress anyone.” “Well you certainly are when you follow every stupid order I give you.” I stared at the back of his head. A few more steps, and he peered over his shoulder at me, whatever look I wore causing those soft lips to curl up into a laugh. “There has to be someone.” “... There isn’t, honest.” “Say who. We can help you, Leonard, and you’re set to be wed before any of us. Haven’t you always spoken about wanting children? Yours and mine can be friends, and your sons will be older and teach my sons all about everything, just like us!” Something in those words had risen and tightened the back of my throat, and I spoke as I did back then, before I met him — Unable to look him in the eye, look at him at all, and my voice had grown so faint the sound had barely reached my own ears. “It is a secret. That is all.” … And as the years passed, that secret and I grew up and spent our years together, the “Secret” got married at fifteen, and I was sixteen, except he had grown out of being a “Secret”, and once I did, I thought to myself, “I am free” —  But I never did find a wife. When the friends of my childhood pointed them out, “That one’s pretty”, “I spoke to her, she is interested in you”, I only could only ever offer another soulless nod along to the increasingly agitated and growing band of married men, all who later had their sons I loved and adored just as I would have my own, and some had daughters, too. In that same year Orbas had gotten married, I moved on to another secret picking berries in the woods, another fixation skinning their knee on the ground, but after him, I never knew it as I did then — “Such a thing would be impossible,” I always told myself — And I continued life as a blacksmith’s son, a follower, and a coward to the war that brought itself to our town in search of new hands for slaughter. “Security” had been the word spoken to me that day, who chose to stay behind (The child incapable of baiting a fish hook or accepting nature in near all its form), in contrast to him, whose bravery sought the peace of the world, the heads of red-eyed monsters, all the glory and fame reflected back the small village of Atheren, even at risk of his own family, foraged and built. A family, one woman and her four year-old son, unable to fend for themselves. Once again he acted in a way that any madman might, entrusting his sole unmarried friend to care for a wife and son in his absence, and then again, perhaps not mad — Explicitly had he stated his trust with a laugh in that I had come “This far” without any luck, and furthermore went to cite our own, personal trust we had built in each other — He knew they would be fine because he simply knew me. Always the protector, and where I never did find a wife, I made my home among the children of the village. And as the cart started away through the woods with a forward jerk, and Obros, the sweetness grown out of his face, looked over his shoulder at me, his tiny son held in my arms, and smiled with that worried look, I smiled back. I gave him a nod in reassurance, and he slipped through that canopy of pine and birch and away towards war beyond. It’s alright now. Now, I am fine. He’ll be alright. He’ll be alright. It’s okay, because now, I’ve finally found someone. Someone I love, just as I loved you. It was a secret.

katy's community poll-fic 2k24

part 1 | part 2

(The people have spoken. 24 hours. Not positive weekend updates will roll out, but we shall see, haha. They tend to be dodgy for me.)

Jack loses sight of Hook when the other rounds a corner and hops into a stairwell, moving with speed Jack generally only sees in the ring. Whatever. Bowens offered up an additional option that Jack hadn’t thought of: the Undisputed Kingdom. They are pretty much the biggest assholes on the roster right now, so maybe the best idea is to interrogate them first and then start working down the rest of the list. Either Hook is heading elsewhere, or he didn’t make note of where the locker rooms are; Jack starts down the opposite hall. He remembers where the paper was taped. Mostly, he remembers because staff always has to put them near one of the wheelchair ramps now, and those end up on the main floor. In fact, the door is positioned right at the top of one leading down to a set of double doors leading outside.

He pauses outside the door, UNDISPUTED KINGDOM stuck up against the polish, hand halfway into a knock. Is this a bad idea? These dicks literally shoved Hanger against a windshield just because his name came up as a possibility. Jack’s not really sure he wants to be the next target, especially not just for Max Caster and his terrible theatrical wails.

Well. He’s come too far now—might as well see this through. Jack knocks on the door, which is opened after a few minutes, and Matt Taven stares at him, eyes narrowed.

“We didn’t place any orders for douchebag twinks,” he says.

“Bummer, I come highly recommended,” Jack replies. “In the absence of that, you got any trios title belts hidden away in there with you?”

“Any what?” Taven parrots. But he does open the door a little wider, so Jack can see the rest of them milling inside. Roddy is on the couch, and Mike is on one of the metal chairs. Adam, of course, is in his wheelchair, with his little black boot held aloft on the kickstand.

Jack can’t immediately see Max’s belt anywhere on the floor, but that certainly doesn’t mean it isn’t here.

“The fuck is this guy doing here?” Mike asks, seemingly to the rest of the room instead of Jack, even though he’s looking right at Jack, like a tool.

“Something about a trios belt,” Taven says.

Jack sighs. “Yeah, do you have it?”

Adam sits back, tenting his fingers in front of him. He looks like he’s trying to channel an evil villain of some kind, but really, the image is ruined by the whole bootie thing. “Are you saying that there’s a title belt missing? And you came here to ask us because…?”

“This seems to be one of the places that wayward items make their way to,” Jack says.

Adam’s eyebrows arch. “Is it?”

“Cut the shit,” Jack says. “Did you take it or not?”

“Why would we want some chump’s title belt?” Mike asks.

“You literally took the ROH tag belts back while wearing ski masks,” Jack points out. “You are a little obsessed with obtaining championships at present.” Then he pauses. “Also, where’s the giraffe?”

Roddy stares at him. The caterpillar above his lip trembles a little bit with the force of his frown. “What?”

“Y’know, the giraffe,” Jack repeats. “Did you keep it? Toss it? Ritually dismember it when you didn’t need it anymore? Also, why did you choose a giraffe?”

“Are you shitting me right now?” Taven asks.

“Did you choose a giraffe because you thought it made you seem non-threatening?” Jack continues. “Like, this whole herbivore thing?”

Roddy groans. “Can someone make him stop talking and go away?”

“Answer the question, and I’ll get out of your 80s bad cop facial hair,” Jack tells him.

“We don’t have a trios belt,” Taven says, with a smile that definitely does not meet his eyes. “Now scram, and let the adults get back to winning.”

“Fine,” Jack says, grumbling. He won’t get anything more out of these fucks when they’ve decided to be the biggest douchebags possible. He turns and starts back towards the hall, pausing only when he hears a “Hey!” called out from behind him.

He pauses. Twists on one heel to watch Adam wheel himself out into the hallway, injured foot bumping in time with squeezing through the doorway. Clearly, this establishment is only barely ADA-compliant, but whatever.

Adam sits back in the chair, tapping his fingers on the armrest a few times. Jack finally spots the poor giraffe taped to the underside of the seat like some sort of sacrifice. Adam gives Jack a once-over, and then says, “You have no finesse and lack all sense of dramatic tension, but you’re a lot more like me than I would have thought a year ago.”

“Excuse me?” Jack asks.

“I have a proposition for you,” Adam says.

5, 11 and 22 for my queenie pop beth PLES

i… may have gotten a bit carried away (no regrets)

ft. the most beth-coded images I could find… not pictured: her gorgeous, iconic 80s perm

5: guilty pleasures

as part of their unlikely friendship, eddie gets her into weed. she doesn’t really smoke, but she will make the best pot brownies any of them have ever had. he’s not a good influence on her, and she loves it

flavored chapstick. i say this is a problem only because what started with steve gifting her an innocent dr pepper lip smackers (bc it’s her favorite soda) snowballed into expanding beyond her simple strawberry and cherry to tootsie roll and more—up to 10+ and counting. does this obsession make sense when she always has to top it off with a separate gloss for the perfect shine? no. will that stop her? of course not. she makes more trips to claire’s than she’ll ever admit to

secretly has a thing for bill murray. can’t/won’t explain why but she’s kinda into it

still sleeps with her childhood teddy bear

also loves to reread books from her childhood. peter pan is the favorite

11: bad/petty habits

accidentally/on purpose made an enemy of jim hopper during her sister’s disappearance because she wrongly assumed that everyone just forgot about katy and beth wouldn’t let him. it was a surprising day indeed when the 5’2 head cheerleader looked him dead in the eyes and called him a “lazy fucking asshole.” it sure made for some awkward apologies when katy did return

people pleasing people pleasing people p— she has this deep need to be loved & as a result she’s always giving more than she gets.

but there’s only so much of yourself that you can safely give away before you lose sight of who you are

she can be the most passive aggressive bitch in town if she wants to be—never unprompted, though. except for when it comes to carol perkins. not for any particular reason per-say, but she has hated carol since the 1st grade and she’s a heinous bitch so she must’ve done something to deserve it, ok?

will not hesitate to correct anyone who incorrectly states a fact or quotes

22: people who’ve influenced them greatly

in terms of fashion/general vibes, it’s a delicate and carefully curated mixture of lady di, brooke shields, & molly ringwald. she’s put-together, trendy, fashionable, and girly in a way that is enviable to her peers but still creative and uniquely beth (think: designer outfits paired with one-of-a-kind accessory finds she picked up at antique shops)

especially in her younger years/as a teen, her mother has been a big influence on beth. she means well, but it’s more for her own sake than beth’s. mrs. debbie sullivan is all about keeping up with the other pta moms in loch nora for most of beth’s life. she’s the one who taught her her love for fashion and never missed a chance to brag about beth for getting elected cheer captain or winning prom queen. but her mother seemed a lot less interested in anything than wine and her pills after the events of fall 1983

beth’s best friends, amy and tiffany, mean more to her than all of her other fleeting “friends” combined. they’ve been inseparable from the get-go, known by their peers as the trifecta— the redhead, the brunette, the blonde. && it’s amy who teaches her that she should never settle for less than what she wants and deserves. tiffany showed her that it’s okay to be a bitch sometimes, because she doesn’t owe anyone anything. together, they are unstoppable. i like to think of them as a teenaged cheerleader version of the powerpuff girls tbfh

her little sister katy, in more ways than i could possibly name here. her disappearance (and reappearance) alone deserve their own essay, but she admires so much about her nerdy, headstrong little sister. it’s her drive to be the best big sister she can that makes beth such a natural leader and really highlights her warmth and maternal nature. but don’t get me wrong, katy can still be a pain in the ass, as all little sisters are.

dustin henderson!!! sure, he’s the annoying lil brother she didn’t ask for, but he’s also been such a positive force in her life. especially since katy’s disappearance. she adores him and their relationship is parallel to her and katy’s. he helps her to embrace her nerdier side and not feel ashamed that she likes history. she also kind of owes him and his mischievous scheming for pushing her together with the love of her life, too

as cliche as it is, i would be remiss if i didn’t add steve harrington to this list. steve is so much more than just a boy who she likes; he is the first person to every truly understand her. steve was patient and kind and he taught her that she is so much stronger than she gives herself credit for, but she doesn’t always have to be. he makes her a better person, makes her want to be one, and vice versa

there are more ofc (did not include her historic heroes or feminist icons but just so you know, she does in fact love betty friedan. which would probably surprise her classmates but that's another story)

a bonus lil blurb/headcanon based on 5, set in 1980:

she and carol had always been frenemies at best

but when they’re among the only cliques of eighth graders invited to a high school party, none of that matters

at least not until a tipsy sophomore rounds up a game of spin the bottle

beth looks around the room, makes eye contact with steve, and agrees

then it was steve’s turn. as the bottle began to slow and neared beth, carol “accidentally” nudged the glass, causing it to fall just short of beth and land right on nicole, two seats down

it was no secret that, although they were currently ‘off,’ carol had every intention of getting back with tommy eventually

that was about all beth knew about him; it was more than enough

if carol wanted to play dirty, beth wouldn’t hesitate to beat her at her own game (er, at least in the minds of two slightly intoxicated 14-year-old girls)

it wasn’t long after that when beth’s spin landed somewhere between steve and tommy.

despite every part of her telling her that carol was certainly not worth all this, she simply agrees when tommy insists that it was closer to him (even if it really wasn’t)

and so, with a single glance at carol, she made out with him in front of the entire party

the whole thing felt wrong and awkward, because he was too slobbery and his tongue was down her throat in an unpleasant mess

but as he finally pulled away (more due to being pried apart than anything), the look on carol’s face was more than enough consolation

she missed the disgruntled, sour glare steve was giving tommy

carol pretty much avoided beth after that; apparently tommy “hadn’t kissed her like that in ages”

beth considered carol lucky for that

TCL 2x12 recap

Yo look who’s back, literally like 6 months after the finale lol. So annoying when Real Life gets in the way of fangirling, but I’ve finally managed to get my priorities straight, so here it is.

For anyone who actually remembers anything about the finale, enjoy lol

Ah what very fortunate timing that Garrett just happens to be coming to see Luca at the hospital (with a teddy bear! Awww. He may be 80% asshole but he's 20% heart lol) riiight as Thony and Fi are led out in handcuffs. But ugh I do love Garrett and Thony's relationship and the fact that despite the way they often antagonise each other, they do always help each other out when they can. But lol at his long-suffering “What the hell did you do, Thony?” because lbr this is just another in a long line of ‘Thony Pulling Shit He Then Has To Fix’ kind of situations haha. And ugh he even tries to help Fiona too, because after learning the truth about Chris and spending a bit of time with them I don’t think he can dismiss them as easily as he used to be able to (because he's finally started to see them as people, instead of just law-breakers– the growth sure is sloooow with this boy, but it's there). But ughhhhhhhh Fiona’s pleading as they load her into the car?? Just crush my heart why don’t you??? (like seriously Martha Millan is a freakin’ powerhouse and we are so lucky to have her). And seeing Thony’s panic, though??? She’s definitely having yet another one of those ‘well shit if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions’ moments lol. She’s been through a few of those in the show– a significant number of which were literally within the last 24hrs lol– and lbr this probably isn’t going to be the last either. Oh Thony. Everything always has to catch up to you eventually….

Oh thank god RK backed out of drowning Nadia. He looks all bewildered and contrite now, like he doesn’t understand how that just happened…. Tbh this dude is legit unhinged, but I mean that’s not exactly breaking news considering some of the shit we’ve seen him do this season lol.  But ugh poor Nadia running for her life through the penthouse and begging Joseph to let her go, but still being trapped– talk about a gilded cage ughhh 

Ngl I got distracted for like 15 mins finding the filming location of the 'hospital', narrowing it down using the fast food signs that you can only just see in the background of one shot haha. But success, now there's another location added to the list. But anyhow ugh it makes me sad seeing Thony holding onto the teddy bear :(  She's still deep in her 'I fucked up' mode, and tbh though it hurts me to see her hurting, it's also kind of satisfying?? Bc she really has just been running around this whole time thinking she knows best– and to be fair, a lot of the time she does, like with trying to stop the ridiculous poisoning attempt– but that just means she fools herself into thinking she’s right all the time, and not listening to others or reaching out for help when she actually should. It's definitely a well-established character flaw, but it has been cool seeing her slowly starting to rely on and trust others more (even if she falls back into bad habits repeatedly lol). But at least she looks contrite here for not telling Garrett about going to Manila to bring drugs back for RK–  and tbh I'm on Garrett’s side here because if she’d told him, they could have busted RK for it, and this all could have been over.  But she was too focused on protecting Luca's medicine to think about the consequences. I mean I can't blame her for not reporting the Fentanyl, because she only found out about that like a few hours ago and she was a little too busy running for her life and then saving Luca to be thinking about calling Garrett to snitch lol.  But ughhhh Garrett’s offer that if they get the drugs and she testifies, she can get new, legal identities for her family– god, it’s everything she’s wanted. Like ok yes, testifying will absolutely mean risking her life; but to protect her family? To have a chance at a normal life without fear? To allow Luca to grow up with every advantage that he is currently denied? She'd do it.  (Though argh Garrett you don't have the best track record of keeping your CIs safe from RK! Maybe he's so determined bc needs this as like a do-over,  to get it right this time)

Ooooooohhhh Thony having to explain to Chris and Jazz and JD about how she got Fi arrested and that she's been working with the FBI. Chris is understandably more forgiving because of everything she did to protect him when Marco died, but Jazz is justifiably upset (She's like 13 and her mom might be about to be deported, of course she’s not taking it well) and ooohhh JD is pissed. I kind of love that he doesn't hold back the truth bombs from Thony–  in particular, that her blind mission to save Luca at any cost is tearing the rest of her family apart. Again, it hurts to see her copping it from all sides, but at the same time she needs it. I adore Thony but she needs to remember she's not alone anymore and that it's okay to trust others rather than try to do everything herself- especially when trying to do it herself and failing can cause a lot of pain for others 

Speaking of trusting others, I am very much here for the little mobster/FBI alliance happening rn with the two opposing power couples (Russo and Garrett, Thony and Arman) teaming up.  Ah, remember the early days when Arman was like the FBI's biggest baddest target? Now they're practically coworkers lol, like he even practically admits to the attempted murder of RK and the feebs are just like 'well that was dumb but whatevs' lol. And I just love this little meeting bc as ever, their priorities are all different– Thony wants to save her family (and absolve her own guilt). Arman wants to protect the two women he loves, including saving Thony from herself. Garrett wants to take RK down for Maya. Russo just wants Kamdar behind bars so she can finally be done with this shit haha. They may all have the same end goal (getting RK the hell out of the picture) but man they are not at all on the same page lol. I also love that literally the moment the feds leave, Thony is immediately back on her bullshit, ready to run straight back into the minefield that is RK’s immediate vicinity, so completely sure that she can manipulate him into giving her the info she wants and then let her walk away unharmed. Aaaand well I guess we can agree she did NOT learn her lesson earlier haha. Oh Thony, you're going to regret this, and lbr as always it's not going to be you paying the ultimate price for your actions. Of course Arman is all like *deep sigh* at this haha. You know that meme with the two kinda cartoony stick figures and one of them is holding the other's leash while the leashed one is on all fours going absolutely feral?? Somehow these two seem to take turns as to whether they're the one holding the leash or the one needing to be restrained lol. To prove my point, Arman is now trying to keep her from going ahead with her terrible idea by offering a terrible idea of his own–  killing Kamdar. Tbh I’m in love with the continued theme of these two of both wanting pretty much the same thing: to protect each other (and their families), yet trying to go about it in completely different and often conflicting ways. And ugh even though Thony's a Buddhist and hates the idea of killing RK (especially when there has already been more than enough killing/death in their lives lately), her biggest objection to the plan is that it could mean losing both Arman and Fiona (via jail and deportation, respectively). Whereas Arman sees it as the only way to definitively ensure that his loved ones are safe. He doesn't intend to be caught and jailed for it, of course, but if it happened, he'd be able to live with that, knowing that they'll be free from RK. (TRUE LOVE,  Y'ALL). And speaking of true love, I'm obsessed with the fact that literally as soon as the feds leave, Armony go from standing several yards apart to having practically zero personal space between them as they argue. Oh you two, please never change lol. And ughhhh the way they look at each other as he says "Do you really trust the FBI to protect you?" bc it carries such an undercurrent of I'm the one that you're supposed to trust. I'm the one who's  supposed to protect you. And ugh his "You don't understand, Thony. As long as Kamdar's breathing, none of us are safe" before he turns and walks away–  he's telling her that he's already made his choice, that keeping them (her) alive is worth any other cost. And hmmmm who does that remind me of? Perhaps a certain mother of a sick son, who is willing to do absolutely anything to keep him safe??? Ngl I love that she's being forced to realise what it's like to be on the other side of the equation… and now the question (as ever) is will she actually learn anything from it haha

Nope nope no seeing Fi in jail is awful. I appreciate that Thony immediately acknowledges that JD is right, and that Fi being in there is completely her fault. Though I do respect that Fi refused to blame her and was like 'we did it for Luca'-- because she loves him too, she'd do anything for him, and now she needs Thony to do the same for her kids.  And heck yeah that she calls Thony out on believing that she can manipulate BOTH Kamdar and the FBI, and that by trying she's likely going to get herself killed. Seriously there’s already so many voices in this ep that are trying to show her reason, but Thony is too far gone down the rabbit hole–  she can't see any way out except forward, so she's plowing ahead despite the warning signs. And despite that it's hard to watch, I love it, because it's so true to her character, and also so true of someone who is cornered in a situation and is completely panicking. Also yeah clearly the lessons of the past 24hrs remain unlearned lol

Ok I love that as soon as the feds get eyes on RK's apartment, Garrett immediately asks if Nadia's okay. Partly because he would hate the thought of another innocent woman being completely at RK's mercy, but also because he knows how important Nadia is to Arman and he doesn't want to see him lose someone he loves. Ngl I love that they're starting to develop a bit of a respect and understanding of one another… (aaaand now I’m gonna ignore the Russo/Garrett flirting in the rest of the scene bc ewww lol)

Okay okay okay I might be about to go on a bit of a spiral here BUT. Hear me out. This whole scene with Jazz being upset that JD didn’t marry Fi, and JD explaining to Chris about the requirements of getting a green card through marriage?? What is the point??? Like honestly what is its narrative purpose in the show– what made the writers decide to include it? Bc like okay it could be just to show how deportation rips families apart, and that the path to becoming a legal citizen is extremely challenging even in very worthy/legit cases. BUT I DON'T THINK SO. As JD explains, he and Fi no longer meet the criteria because she's been arrested, plus she's just been there illegally for far too long. But you know what pair WOULD meet the criteria??? A widow who is only a few months over her visa– which she overstayed due to EXTREME HARDSHIP (the exact reason that JD says can qualify someone for a waiver)-- and a never-actually-married American citizen, THAT'S WHO. Like ok maybe I’m way off base here but I seriously think that the entire purpose of this scene was to a) lay the foundation for us as viewers to know the marriage-for-citizenship idea is actually a possibility, and b) give Chris the knowledge that he can then pass on to Thony, planting the idea in her head that if she and Arman were to marry, she and Luca would be safe from deportation…. I mean c’mon there’s got to be something there, right? I'm absolutely convinced that if Thony doesn't already know about Arman's marriage being void (which tbh I don't think she does; she naturally assumes Nadia got divorced from RK) she's going to learn about it next season, and the marriage-for-citizenship plotline will follow shortly after.  And I mean okay I know I've been wrong in my predictions before, but I've also been right at times, and I feel this one in my bones lol. Watching this scene the first time was like being a kettle slowly boiling until by the end I was mentally screeching ARMONYMARRIAGEFORESHADOWING!!! ARMONYMARRIAGEFORESHADOWING!!!ARMONYMARRIAGEFORESHADOWING!!!!!!! lol

Phew. Anyway. Ugh my precious boy Chris offering to leave his home and everything he's known to go with Fi. But of course she refuses with 'everything I did, I did for you' and ughhh don’t talk to me about the parallels between Thony and Fi and the things these amazing mothers would do for their children. "The best thing you can do for me is to live the life I always wanted you to have" ugghhh why do Fi and Chris always insist on making me cryyyy

Oh Thony. Yet again walking straight into the lion's den… tbh for someone so smart she really does so many dumb things haha. But then again she is damn impressive with the way she can go toe to toe with some incredibly dangerous people and not only be fearless, but can talk them into doing what she wants. And now with RK she selectively uses the truth (the "everything I've done, I've done for my son"/"Arman helped me in the past but you're the one that can help me now, and I need this deal more than anybody"/"I didn't steal from you, Arman did"/"with all the corruption in the Philippines, people don't trust easily") to conceal her motivations and evade his questions. She never outright lies, which means he can't catch her telling one and turn on her. It's very clever (as is Nadia's subtle hint regarding RK's plans for the Caymans) but unfortunately, a man like RK doesn't get to where he is without also being very clever– and very paranoid.  

Lol Garrett you really should have put a tail on Thony to prevent her from pulling this kind of shit, but too late now! Guess you also never learn lol. Also hi there Miranda Kwok having a little cameo like she did in 1x01–  the woman sure likes her luxury vehicles haha

Yassss I loooove Garrett calling Arman because he might be the only one with the information to save Thony.  And ugh even the way Arman answers the phone– there was a time when he would have answered with annoyance or disdain, but now he sounds uncertain, like he knows something is wrong. Probably because Thony is usually the one who does the communicating between them, so the fact that Garrett is calling him directly proves that something bad has happened. And ugh the way he springs into action immediately, probably kicking himself because he should have known that Thony would put herself directly in Kamdar's crosshairs rather than let him go ahead with a plan that was almost certainly doomed to end with him spending a lifetime in prison. They're both martyrs for each other– both clinging to the hope they can walk through fire and come out the other side to where the other will be waiting– and ngl I'm SO HERE FOR IT.  Lol at Garrett trying to tell Arman to stay away though; like did he ever for a second really believe that he could tell Arman–  Arman who became a rat for Thony, who went to jail for Thony, who murdered an innocent woman for Thony– that Thony was in danger and that he WOULDN'T immediately go after her???? Like okay to give him credit I'm sure the likelihood occurred to him before he made the call but he knew that whatever information Arman could give him was worth the risk. And ugh when Arman pulls the caddy up beside him he basically immediately hands him a vest (after making an annoyed comment about Arman not listening to him, of course) and then his "Come on. Let's go pretend to be on the same side" and uggghhhh I love themmmmm. But lbr they have been on the same side for quite a while now, which is the "Protect Thony at all costs" team and I’m obsessed with it 

Oh Thony. Thony ‘The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math’ De La Rosa. You've been incredibly lucky til now to be able to find your way out of some of the worst situations, but I think now the alarm bells (or are they funeral bells?) are finally starting to ring in your head. And suddenly you're thinking Arman was right. Fi was right. Garrett and Russo were right. I should have listened. But it’s too late now and uggghhhhhh RK calls her out on lying to him about the drug interaction that nearly killed him and tbh I wish we could hear more of her trying to explain herself (but the camera is focused instead on my new favourite pair of enemies-turned-allies haha). But ugh then we see her make the mistake, not that there's really any way she can avoid it: she lies.  She lies and he knows it. He’d suspected it before, when she was weaving her story purely with carefully targeted truths, but now he knows, and she has to die. (We've seen repeatedly this season how paranoid he is and how much he hates and fears being lied to). I appreciate that he's not without honour, though; he'd be dead without her, so he grants her her family's lives in return. Joseph too seems to have enough honour that he hesitates before pulling the trigger, and that hesitation is what saves her life and costs him his own– which ngl I'm a little sad about, because I liked him and I always hoped he was going to end up choosing to help Armony take out RK. Anyway I love that it's a team effort that saves Thony's life; not only the two men who care about her, but also she herself, when she knocks Joseph's gun away. The writers could have had Garrett or Arman shoot Joseph the moment he lifted his gun, but they didn't; they had her fight for herself first. This whole show they've shown us time and again that Thony is a fighter, and that she’ll never give up. (The only time she ever refused to fight for herself was when Arman was forced to choose between saving her and Maya, but tbh I think she knew from the start what his decision would be, regardless of what she said or did).

But aaaahh anyway there are so many bullets flying and ugh Arman and Garrett are working so well as a team (my boys!) and then it happens.  One little stumble is all it takes, and it hurts that it's Thony who makes the mistake. It was her fault that they were all there in the first place, and now it's her fault that she and Garrett are stuck in the open, exposed and vulnerable and under fire. And he makes the split second decision– if he crouches to pull her up, all the fire will be directed at them both, making her more likely to be hit. So instead he stands over her and fires back, making himself the target, knowing that Arman will swoop in and get her out of there. And it works! Except there’s just ooooone small problem ugh. Honestly, it’s been what, like 6 months since I first watched this? and I still have trouble believing that a) they really killed him off and b) that I’m actually so sad about it?? I know I’ve said it many times before, but: he was a jackass, but he was our jackass. And though he caused plenty of problems of his own, he was there for Thony when it really counted, especially once they got to know each other a bit more.  And ugh having to watch Thony watch him die, and then to go straight from his death scene to watching Thony walking into the hospital, carrying the bear he got for Luca? Like damn why must this show insist on hurting me. (Ngl though I wish we’d gotten to see more of the aftermath of his death– I would have been very down to see Arman pulling Thony into his arms and comforting her while the body was being carted away lol).

Wait is that the same kindly Filipina nurse who spoke to Fi in the waiting room? If she was an ER nurse she would definitely not be up on the wards with an admitted patient. But whatevs, it's irrelevant. The social services lady barely reacted to Thony coming in, so I guess Garrett must have got in touch with them earlier to clear her. Does this mean that– in regards to her at least– all is basically forgiven and she can just take him home when he’s better?? Or does she just have visitation rights?? This show can be very unclear lol. But ugh all is obviously not forgiven for Fi :( seeing her in jail with the kids is rouuughhh. Her line “Sometimes you need to do what you know is right in your heart, even though other people say it’s wrong” has a similar ring to “Not the right way or the wrong way, but any way you can”; it’s a sentiment we’ve heard from pretty much all the main characters (Arman, Thony, Fi, Garrett) in some form or other, and is definitely one of the major underpinnings of the show. God her teary eyes though and the way that JD is so quick to reassure her that he’ll look after the kids and ughhh why does this show insist on making me cry????

And the trauma isn’t over because now Thony is going to meet with Russo at the FBI, finding her in Garrett’s office which is filled with all his clutter and his photos of his kids and his collection of brightly coloured stress balls and novelty pens, and ugh I love the subtle character details here because now I think about it, he was often tossing around a ball or something in his scenes at the office. Tbh as much as it hurts, I love that Russo calls Thony out on her role in Garrett’s death. She basically says he was a slippery bastard that could weasel his way out of anything before Thony came along and dragged him down with her, and lbr it’s not inaccurate?? I mean he did take stupid risks anyway, and the bad guys probably would have caught up to him eventually, but still.  Maybe Russo is especially angry because she still wonders if Garrett did have secret feelings for Thony, and whether Thony might have taken advantage of that, despite her clearly having eyes only for Arman (Russo isn’t blind; she’s seen them together, seen the risks they’ve taken for each other). Or maybe just having someone to blame helps with her own grief. But even as she calls Thony out for everything she’s done (again, deservedly, because Thony has pulled a lot of shit and has mostly managed to avoid the consequences until recently) she agrees to help her and Fi, because that’s what Garrett would have wanted. Just in case anyone forgot that this is a show about love, and about the lengths people will go to for the people they love (even after they’re gone), here’s a little reminder ugh.  But of course nothing can just go smoothly in this show, so the moment Thony starts to record the statement that will help free Fiona, they discover RK has posted bail and is about to jet off to the Caymans…. and now the race is on.

Lol Nadia is pissed about basically being kidnapped to go live a life of luxury in the Caymans, but like… girl, go with him and then smother him in his sleep and take all his money?? It’s the perfect crime haha. Ngl I do find it funny that he’s all like, ‘you tried to kill me, I tried to kill you, now we’re all good’ lol– lbr the man has never been particularly stable. But oh daaaamn the plot twist of the airport ground crew suddenly turning on them and shooting his guards– I had a brief moment of thinking the FBI had gone completely off the rails with this one before the roar of the motorbike engine made it all very suddenly and very sexily clear. And oh how I love to see my boy winning again, kicking the shit out of the man who has spent weeks tormenting him while he pleads on the ground. The gun coming out was a mix between ‘yessss do it’ and ‘noooo you’ll get caught, leave him to the FBI’ but then he turns and offers it to Nadia and I’m??????  Like at first I was like ‘dude wtf why the hell would she want to do that and have his blood on her hands, that's not a gift'', thinking there was no way she’d want to risk any involvement in his murder– but then I got schooled haha, because clearly a) Arman knows her true nature far better than me, and b) she is still REALLY pissed about the almost-drowning thing. And suddenly I’m remembering the story about her as a teenager, holding a corkscrew to a guy’s neck for stealing her tips, and being reminded that Nadia’s vicious streak runs deep. The look of pure satisfaction on her face is hot intense; Arman may do violent things but as far as I remember we’ve never seen him take pleasure in it, whereas Nadia…. I could see this awakening something in her, a greater ruthlessness in her pursuit of power, but I guess we’ll see…......

Omg the FBI chopper touches down literally only moments after Nadia and Arman ride off, and it seems impossible for them not to have been seen and recognised, but apparently not?? Wow the feds really need to get their eyes checked haha. Though from the look that Russo and Thony exchange, they know exactly who did it anyway– well, not exactly, because they’re definitely both picturing Arman being the one pulling the trigger, but still, they've got a Morales in mind

Damn okay Queen Nadia of La Habana here in her red lipstick and red dress with the shoulder pads looking like she should be sitting on a throne next to Satan himself. Tbh I think I was right about killing RK awakening something in her; this woman looks ready to destroy anything and anyone that stands in between her and her kingdom. And as Arman asks, “So how does it feel, walking in here now, being your own boss? Not having to answer to anybody– not Hayak, not Kamdar…” you can practically hear her addition: Not you. Especially when he uses the words ‘all ours’ to refer to La Habana, and she answers “You mean, it’s all mine.” and the look on her face…. Like boyyyy you created a monster, and heaven help you when you try to walk away from her to be with the woman you love, because she is going to rip you limb from limb. But anyway, all of that aside, literally what are they doing there anyway?? I mean I’m not an estate lawyer, but even I know that there is legit NO WAY that she would be allowed to just take over all of RK’s holdings. He died in suspicious circumstances, which means all his assets would be frozen while the investigation was ongoing– and they would certainly not just be handed over to his estranged wife, particularly one whose current partner is known to have had an extremely hostile relationship with RK and even made a previous attempt on his life. Like in what universe would they not be at the very top of the suspect list here????????

“You said you’d fix this. You promised.” Ughhhhhh this ep is definitely giving me so many satisfyingly painful scenes of Thony facing consequences lol; this time it’s Chris getting rightly furious with her when she fails in her promise to save Fi, blaming her for Fi’s deportation and even implying that Garrett’s death is her fault too. And as much as I wanna hug Thony and make it better, I also feel kind of like a parent who is watching their child learning an important lesson haha. It may hurt, but it’s necessary. I am glad though that JD didn’t join in on the attack this time– lbr he’s already made his feelings very clear to Thony, so now is the time for him to hold the family together, rather than throwing blame. Chris choosing to stay with Thony and Luca despite his anger at Thony is interesting; his argument is that Luca needs him and ‘he can’t keep losing everyone’ which is fair I guess, but lbr I feel like the writers just wanted Chris there at the house with Luca so next season Thony can be off running around with Arman without the audience worrying about her committing child neglect lol.  But ughhhh then Luca wakes and sees them all and asks where Fi is and they all look away and great now I’m crying again

Oh no no no you can’t have this mournful song playing over Fi getting led out of her cell and taken onto the plane, and Thony at Garrett’s funeral watching his son cry and Russo having to hand over Garrett’s folded flag to his widow/ex-wife??? And then Fi crying on the plane and Thony sitting on Fi’s empty bed??  No?? No thank you???????????

Honestly I thought that was going to be the end of it right there, but of course it’s not. Because it always comes back to this; to Thony and Arman and their connection. I love that she marches straight past the long line for entry (clearly business is booming once again, looks like Nadia works fast) and she barely spares a glance for the girl at the front desk, who probably saw her and just thought ‘oh the other boss is here’ lol. And ugh the way he’s mid conversation yet basically senses her there in the doorway and turns, just like he did way back in 1x02 when she brought Luca to him. And she doesn’t bother to come closer, or to say anything at all– just meets his eyes for a second and then turns and walks away, already knowing he’ll follow. And ugh follow he does, without a moment’s hesitation, entering the office only a couple of steps behind her even though it’s clear he’s not looking forward to what he’s about to hear– judging by the thunder in her expression, it’s not going to be fun lol. Ngl I love that she yells at him, bc partly she’s calling him out for his role in Fi’s deportation, which is fair, but bc I feel like she’s also using him as an outlet for her anger at herself (“Fiona’s gone because of you”/”You need to fix this”). It’s the things she feels towards herself as well as towards him, and tbh her coming to him is her fixing it, because she knows she can’t do it without him. She needs him, needs his help not only in regards to his resources and connections, but also just his support, because she can’t handle this burden alone. I love that the first thing he says, the only defense he uses, is that his actions kept them all safe– because that’s what he needs her to understand. Yes, Fiona was taken, but in his mind, her being sent back to her homeland and her parents, alive and well, was not such a terrible price to pay when the rest of them got to walk away knowing they were safe from RK once and for all. Tbh though, I actually think he had been expecting and even hoping for this visit, had anticipated Thony coming to him and making this very demand, because it only takes him a moment before he offers up the solution– like he’s already thought it all through, like he came up with it even before he went to kill RK– and it’s now only a question of whether she’ll agree to it. His “Nadia can’t find out about this” is such a telling statement too, because it shows he knows how precarious his position is; it’s now Nadia who holds the power, and if he crosses her in some way, she’ll shut him out. And then what use would he be to Thony, with no money or resources? There’d be nothing he could do to help get Fi back and make this right, and he’d fear that that helplessness would cause Thony to turn away from him and look elsewhere for solutions, abandoning him now that he had nothing to offer. Of course that’s not at all what would happen– Thony is absolutely just as gone for him as he is for her– but the poor boy still can’t see it, and so he's scrambling desperately for anything that will be able to get her to stay. 

And speaking of how gone she is for him, oh god her reaction to keeping it all a secret from Nadia– you can tell she hates this, hates feeling like the dirty mistress being snuck out the back door to avoid being seen by the jealous wife. It’s another reminder that Arman belongs to someone else, not her, just like the night when he showed up with the keycard after ‘reconciling’ with Nadia, when he broke her heart at her own damn suggestion. And because he’s just as clueless about the depth of her feelings as she is about his, he misinterprets her pain as disagreement with the plan, which prompts this blessed line: “Thony, unless you trust me (…) in how I do this, I can’t help you” and god I am NEVER getting over that tiny pause after ‘trust me’, because it’s not just about trusting his plan. It’s about the fact that he feels she lost faith in him, that somewhere along the line she stopped trusting him and looking to him as her protector. She’d trusted him 100% though the heist they’d pulled on Hayak and Noah, enough for her to stay around even when he’d been in jail. She’d trusted him at the motel when they’d dealt with the manager. She’d trusted him when she’d agreed to help him move the drugs, and trusted him after Cortes' death when he’d said they would find a way together to trap RK with the drug deal and satisfy the FBI. She’d still trusted him even after he’d had to murder Maya. But then he’d been left with no choice but to follow her suggestion and go back to Nadia, and suddenly the distance between them seemed to keep widening, with her need to protect her family and his need to protect Nadia putting them repeatedly at odds, and then Luca got sick again and she turned to Kamdar for help instead of him. In Arman’s mind, Thony had pulled away from him after he’d gone back to Nadia, even though he had only been following her direction and he’d only done it because there was no other way. And so now he practically pleads for her to trust him again, and she pauses for a split second, staring at him, before giving the answer that nearly knocks him off his feet: “I never stopped trusting you.” And damn, with the intense way these two are looking at each other, it’s easy to wonder if this conversation is really only about trust... because right now ‘trust’ sounds a hell of a lot like it’s just a placeholder for another very strong emotion, and the way he stares at her when she tells him she never stopped? The tone in which she says it, like he’s a fool for thinking she ever could have stopped? Like ok look I may be waaaay down the rabbit hole here but I simply can’t watch this scene without feeling like the subtext is being screamed so loud that it’s drowning out everything else

And don’t even get me started on how she says she knows he did this to protect her. Her. Not ‘us all’. Just her. Because it’s the truth, isn’t it? He might have said things about ‘none of them’ being safe until RK was dead, but we know who his real concern was; the woman he had never even wanted RK to know about in the first place, and definitely never wanted him to meet.  And honestly, look at the timing– it was only after she drew RK’s attention (back when she delivered the money, she was easily dismissed as a nobody, but when he learned that she was causing division between Nadia and Arman, she very much became somebody of great interest) that Arman became determined that RK needed to die, especially after RK showed he wouldn’t hesitate to kill her, and after she’d had to send her whole family away to protect them while she stayed behind (“Kamdar’s watching me, I can’t run”). He’d wanted RK dead for a long time, but would have never risked attempting it, not until RK threatened the one thing that Arman would go to absolutely any lengths to protect. And ugh the way she holds his gaze so directly as she tells him she knows he did it to protect her, and then: “You have to understand. I need my family back.” like she’s telling him she can’t focus on anything else, or anyone else, until her family is reunited and she’s been absolved of the guilt she currently bears. I know lots of people were disappointed with this scene because there’s no physical contact and no outward declaration of feelings, and as much as I would have died over that, I still love this scene because of its intensity, and how it feels like a conversation within a conversation, showing how well these two know and understand each other that so much can be said while actually saying not much at all. 

But okay excuse me I was not prepared for my dream of Mob Boss Thony to suddenly become a reality already??? Like god the way she carries herself is so different, her voice so cool and unaffected as she stands in front of these two uniformed men– these IMMIGRATION OFFICERS, literally the very people that she as an illegal immigrant has been hardwired to fear– and basically tells them that they work for her now. And then she tells them that she’ll be bringing someone back into the US with her??? And then just walks right on out of there, absolutely rocking her power outfit (what’s the bet that she was thinking of Fi’s advice from back when she had to go meet with Cortes, about looking the part so she could feel the part) and oh god Arman is there by the caddy waiting for her; her partner and her protector, keeping the promise he made: that they would see this through, together. Don’t mind me I will just be over here making dying whale noises into eternity

Anyway okay like I said, I really do get why some fans were disappointed with this finale, because sure, I also would have loved to have seen some kind of physical Armony interaction (ngl, the lack of a kiss this season did catch me by surprise, but tbh it also makes sense given the circumstances). But man, what we did get in terms of Armony interaction was intense and layered and sets us up for such an amazing payoff for next season. And that was something that really struck me, all through this episode– the entire thing feels like a second act. I hadn’t realised how used I was to each individual season of a show kind of having its own little self contained feel to it, because this??? Watching this, I became utterly convinced that after S1, the showrunners actually wrote and pitched the plot of S2 and S3 to the studios together, and right now we are just halfway through that story. Like yes S2 had its own arc, with Armony being caught between Kamdar and the FBI, and if needed the ending could stand on its own with the two of them literally driving off into the sunset together with a plan to make everything right, but tbh the whole thing also has the feeling like we just watched a chessboard being set up with all the pieces being put into place, and now the game can start. Honestly the writing and planning in this show blows me away and I can’t wait to see what S3 brings us ugh

Okay anyhow that’s more than enough rambling from me, so if any of you made it through this after several months of hiatus: cheers and I’ll see you in September haha

Songfic: It Doesn't Matter, I Love You

Songs used: Throw Up When I See Your Face ~ Cloudy June True Love ~ Pink ft. Lily Allen

Shit… Shit… New York wasn't one for extreme emotional vulnerability, so why did his heart rattle around so much whenever he saw Massachusetts? His smile, his laugh, his accidental touches… New York was crushing hard. But he knew of Mass' feelings toward him. He flashed back…

"When you come across my path I remember that I hate you fucking every way Cause you're a goddamn disgrace I throw up when I see your face"

Mass was always one for a bit of hyperbole, but if that was truly how he felt about New York … He had to let Mass go.

But then… Why would they steal looks from each other? Why would Mass make any excuse to be around York? He hated this cat and mouse chase, but he could admire the fact that Mass wanted to keep things secretive as to not draw any attention to them. Although, after being so "hush hush" on the matter, York wanted to know how Mass felt about him officially. So, he cornered Mass into it after a table meeting one day.

Mass crossed his arms. "Why do you care if I like ya or not?" he asked. "I never said anything about you liking me" York said with a confident smirk. Mass darted his eyes around the room for a moment, looking for any excuse to get out of the situation. Suddenly, Gov called him over for something. Sure, Gov looked a bit angry at him, but Mass used that as an excuse to walk away from the awkward situation. Mass practically booked it over to Gov but York took notes of this interaction between the two.

-----------------------TimeSkip: 2 Weeks Later-----------------------

New York had still been observing behaviors of the more cold and blunt Northeast state, but he was about 80% certain that Mass liked him. Just didn't want to say anything about it. New York decided to put Mass' so called "hatred" of him to the test. It was a bit cruel, but York wrote up a little something to explain his "true feelings". Of course though, it was all a well thought out and constructed lie.

The note read as follows:

"Has all my blood run cold? Or you just fucking suck, 'cause...

I throw up when I see your face Play nice but I know you're fake Big win for me when you fail Cause you're a goddamn disgrace"

POV Switch: Massachusetts

Mass saw this letter on his desk in his room, signed from York. His eyes started to well up... Had he gone too far in the "Playing hard to get" game? He didn't want York to hate him this much...

Mass went ahead and tried to more accurately summarize his feelings through any means necessary. Really, all he needed to do is interact more with York. But now it seemed like the two rarely ever ran into each other anymore. It's like York was suddenly going out of his way to avoid him... He got sick of this. Mass was a smart guy. He could talk about his ACTUAL feelings. It was just the feeling of nervousness that hit him. York was a decent guy, but Mass just didn't know what to do or say around him anymore.

He left a note on New York's desk: "Meet me in my room at 7:00 pm. Tonight"

POV Switch: New York

Hook, line and sinker. York felt like he got Mass right where he wanted him. He did as Mass asked him, 7:00 pm the same evening. York stood in the doorway of Mass' room, asking what this was about. Mass commanded York to sit down on his bed and that he needed to say something that couldn't wait. York smirked a little, sitting down as he was told.

"What's this about, Mass?" York asked.

"I need to just... I need to spill about how I feel" Mass replied.

He cleared his throat, looking toward the wall for a moment. Then his gaze shifted back to York. Mass bit his lip for a second... Nerves were definitely getting to him. This was no time for that though. York smiled in a somewhat confident manner.

"I know life would suck without you At the same time, I wanna hug you I wanna wrap my hands around your neck You're an asshole but I love you And you make me so mad, I ask myself Why I'm still here, or where could I go You're the only love I've ever known But I hate you, I really hate you So much I think it must be True love"

York blushed a little. He wasn't expecting this much passion from Mass, but he seemed to be genuinely blushing and smiling his whole way through. York came up to Mass and looked at him with a soft gaze. York closed the door behind him, then looked at Mass once more.

"Why do you rub me up the wrong way? Why do you say the things that you say? Sometimes I wonder how we ever came to be But without you I'm incomplete"

York said that seemingly out of the blue, then kissed Mass' forehead. Mass blushed even deeper and looked up at York. "You really are an asshole" he stated blankly. "And yet you love me. I see your predicament" York interrupted, smirking knowingly. Mass sighed and nodded. He hugged York with a significant amount of strength behind it. York felt like he was truly embraced and like this would be one of the best hugs he'd get from the short tempered man, so he hugged back.

The two stood there, hugging. It felt like hours, but once they separated, it was only 7:20 pm. Mass invited York to stay with him tonight, asking for cuddles.

"Look at you being polite and asking for cuddles, Masshole" York teased.

"Shut up, Dork. You want cuddles or not?" Mass asked in a teasing manner.

York nodded softly and laid on the bed first. Mass curled up to York's chest, listening to York's quickly beating heart. He smiled and sighed contently, kissing York's cheek.

Part 2: Here

20 and 50 for the ST asks

helllooo!! i am SOOO sorry for such a late response omg.

i hope i got the right ask game here lol but i'm preeeety sure i did.

20. favorite emotional moment?

i definitely have to go with robin's coming out scene for this one. there are several other good emotional moments throughout the show, but this one really takes the cake for me because it's just SUCH a good one!!! and it's not very often that we get a gem of a coming out scene like this one, it's just so well done, and i could really go on and on about the scene. PLUS it sort of solidified thee platonic soulmates, like, from this point on they are IT for each other in that sense, yknow? and steve and robin's friendship is truly one of my favorite things about the show.

50. top five absolute fav things about stranger things in general?

ooh hm well i suppose:

the friendships!! there is such a huge focus on friendship in this show and i LOVED that so much. i feel like the show has sort of strayed a little bit from this in the later seasons, but oh man, season 1? that shit HITS, the friendships there are SO good, they're SO strong. like the party? i love that little group of kids!! they're so ride or die already!! they clearly love each other a lot! and then when el and max join the group, they become Part Of The Team too and i love them and i love their specific friendship too! and steve and robin my favorite dynamic duo!!! there is TRULY no other platonic soulmate best friendship out there like theirs, it's something special. and also the kids' friendships with steve (especially dustin!!!) it's SO good!!

the vibes are just so good too. like i was born after the 80s lol but there is still SUCH a sense of nostalgia with this show, again especially in that first season! there's just something about a bunch of kids riding around on bikes fighting monsters that hits different yknow?

steve's character arc!!! steve is probably my favorite character of the whole show and just the way they did his arc is one of my absolute favorite things ever because they did it so WELL. like, asshole popular jock who realizes that he's wrong and realizes that he fucked up and actually puts in the effort to fix what he did and to make things right and to mean it too, that's just SO GOOD. THAT is how you do a redemption arc. i just love steve so much, he deserves his whole entire own bullet point here lol.

i feel like if i give steve a whole entire bullet point for himself i HAVE to give eddie a whole entire bullet point too because that man.... well, he changed the whole entire game. like i've said it before but i was just a casual fan before s4 - watched when new seasons came out, talked with friends about it, but i was not part of the fandom. like i didn't look through the tags, or reblog a whole lot outside of the occasional gifset or smth, and i certianly didn't write or create any of my own content/hcs/etc. but THEE second that eddie munson walked onto that screen he stole my god damn life from me. that guy dragged me over the edge of that boat and right through the watergate with him because once i saw him i was HOOKED and i did not look back. so yeah, it's entirely eddie's fault that i am here today and i adore every single thing about him and what he stands for and who he is and i wont get into it because this post will really never end but i am SO disappointed with what they did with him and how they chose to *end his character arc (*clown shoes are FIRMLY on tho bc i am honk honk fully onboard with the we have not seen the last of eddie munson train soooo lol).

the absolutely incredible fantastic wonderful beautiful amazing inspiring awesome ridiculous epic EVERYTHING that everyone has created in response to this show. i love stranger things, i do, but we all know that there are certain things - characters, relationships, arcs, plotlines, etc. - that have missed the mark, that could have been better, that could have gone a different way. and it is the fans, it is the writers, it is the artists, it is the gif makers, it is the editors, it is EVERYONE who puts their heart and soul into creating for this fandom that fills in those gaps, that fixes things, that takes these characters we know and love and breathes even more life into them, takes them to new places, lets them explore things they deserve to explore. i will forever be grateful to everyone in this fandom because of this!!! it's incredible and it's the best part of the whole show, truly.

🌷 social media au where y/n posts an advertisement looking for a new place to stay that is closer to campus, causing seven upperclassmen to make it their mission to recruit her into their dormitories 🌷

A/N: THIS TOOK FOREVER AND I KINDA RUSHED IT AT THE END BUT HOPEFULLY IT MAKES SENSE?? anyway, yoongi didn’t do anything stupid (depending on your definition of stupid) so no need to worry about him being cringey,,, i spared you all from the secondhand embarrassment but i won’t be so kind next time!! anyway... enjoy || W.C. 3.8K

prev // part 11 // next masterlist here.

By the time Seokjin’s phone begins to ring, Yoongi can already feel the dread settle deep inside his bones. The familiar coil of anxiety tightens around his throat like a vice, and Yoongi has to remember how to breathe to keep himself from fainting like a corseted Victorian lady. 

“Well, that must be her!” Seokjin chimes, promptly declining your call without a glance. Yoongi catches a glimpse of your contact photo anyway: it’s an unflattering angle of you from below your neck, giving the illusion of a multitude of chins. If it were any other time, Yoongi might have smiled like a lovesick fool. 

“Don’t you dare let her in here,” Yoongi seethes. He tries to sound menacing, but the effect is severely diminished by how badly his voice cracks. He tugs at Seokjin by the sleeve, but the older man refuses to budge. “Hyung, I’m serious. I know what you’re trying to do.”

“Are you done live-tweeting your confusion now? Finally got the memo? I always knew you were a smart boy,” Seokjin laughs, patting Yoongi on the shoulder with his tomato sauce-covered tongs. “Since we’re on the same page now, why don’t you change clothes while I finish cooking? I know your entire wardrobe is composed of the free t-shirts you got from job fairs, but it would do well to wear a clean, unstained shirt.”

Yoongi swipes at him, hissing like the catboy that he is. “You’re the one who wiped shit on me, asshole. And yes, I figured out what you are trying to do. You think you’re so slick, but I know that you’re just trying to embarrass me in front of Y/N!”

Seokjin shrugs. “It isn’t like I’m trying to be slick. I embarrass you all the time. Besides, I’m setting you up on a date with the love of your life! You should be thanking me, if I’m being honest.”

Yoongi stammers, his jaw dropping in shock. “Love of my–?”

Seokjin waves his tongs in his face, silencing him. “Oh, hush. Don’t even try to hide it, Yoongi. I figured out that you like Y/N. Your weird behavior finally makes sense! After years of you avoiding her, I always thought you were just bad at forming human connections, but turns out you’ve got a gigantic heart boner for my best friend!”

“Please don’t phrase it like that,” Yoongi groans, smashing his head against his kitchen counter. He hopes a few brain cells might have died, just so he can stop processing the words coming out of Seokjin’s mouth. “Actually, just please stop talking.”

Seokjin snorts in exasperation as if Yoongi was the dramatic one between them. “Point is, this is a favor that I’ve chosen to grant you from the goodness of my heart! As I said, I’m giving you the love life you deserve! So stop whining and get moving before Y/N gets up here.”

“There isn’t any goodness nor a heart inside of you. And more importantly, when was the last time you did anything for free, you capitalist bastard!”

Seokjin clicks his tongue, shaking his head. “That’s where you’re wrong, Yoongi-chi. You’ve already paid me for my services by offering me front row seats to watch you lose your fucking mind. And that, my friend, is priceless.”

“Aha! So you do admit that this is all just a ploy to humiliate me!” Yoongi shouts. He grabs a knife from his scabbard, pointing it threateningly at Seokjin. He doesn’t even flinch, instead gently guiding Yoongi by the wrist over to the chopping board where he had placed some garlic cloves beforehand. Without prompting, Yoongi’s hand begins to move, his culinary instincts taking over.

“Yes and no,” Seokjin admits as he grabs Yoongi’s cast iron pan from the top shelf (which he has never gotten to use since he bought it, ever since Seokjin had borrowed it once and placed it too high for him to retrieve.) “I’m honestly trying to help you out here, my dude. Besides, even if shit hits the fan, Y/N isn’t gonna think any less of you. She’s too much of an idiot to resent anyone.”

“Speaking from experience?” Yoongi huffs, eyeing him with intense vitriol. “Can’t say I understand how she’s gone this long without killing you.” The next time the two of them are alone together in the wilderness, he can’t promise that his hands won’t find their way around Seokjin’s throat, and it won’t be sexy.

“Hmm. Yeah, definitely,” he says, nodding absentmindedly. As he begins to season the steak, he hands the cast iron pan to Yoongi. “Start preheating this. We need it to be smoking hot before we can place the steak on there.”

“I know how to cook a steak, fucker. And who said you’re allowed to serve my Wagyu steak? I was saving that for a special occasion!”

Seokjin looks up from his ministrations long enough to raise a brow at him. “So going on your first ever date with Y/N isn’t considered a special occasion?”

Yoongi falters, eyes widening. “N-no, that’s not what I mean!” he defends hotly, but he quickly snaps out of it. “Wait, no! This is not a date! Not when both parties did not agree to any of this!”

Seokjin pauses from his cooking to place a perfectly manicured hand on his hip. “I mean, Y/N agreed to it, so are you going to reject her? Huh? Too good for her and my spaghetti?”

Yoongi scoffs, rolling his eyes. “No, she did not agree to this. She doesn’t even know you’re forcing her to eat lunch with me.”

“How can you say that with such certainty?” Seokjin challenges, puffing his cheeks. “You don’t even know what I told her!”

Except I do know what you said, Yoongi thinks darkly to himself. And more importantly, I know what she thinks you were implying. He is pretty sure that the words “crush on him during high school” have seared themselves underneath his eyelids forevermore.

But instead, he says, “Yeah, well. If what you told her is as vague as what you told me, I have a pretty good hunch that this is going to blow up into a huge misunderstanding.”

Like the absolute menace that he is, all Seokjin does is shrug nonchalantly. “Suppose you are right… Who cares? It’s not like the two of you are strangers, so I’m sure this is going to go great!”

“What the fuck? She is a stranger! I’ve literally only spoken two words to her in the past four years!” Yoongi seethes, his temple throbbing from an oncoming migraine. 

Seokjin ignores him, as per his want. “Grab that plate, will you? I gotta plate the pasta before Y/N starts calling again to let her into the building,” he says, nudging the tongs into Yoongi’s hands. Yoongi squawks, quickly turning the stove off to keep the food from burning. 

Seokjin tears off his (read: Yoongi’s) apron off, wiping his hands on his jeans with a quick smile. “Great! While you finish up here, I’ll distract Y/N for a bit in my room before I lead her in here, alright? You better hurry unless you want to keep her waiting!”

“Oh, like how you kept her waiting downstairs for the past–” Yoongi checks his wall clock, “–seven minutes?”

Seokjin cackles madly, rushing out the door. “Well, that’s where you and I differ, Yoongi-chi! I give no shits about how Y/N thinks about me, so good luck!” After sending Yoongi three flying kisses for good measure, Seokjin slams the door shut, leaving Yoongi to simmer in his bad life choices.

The worst choice that he’s ever made? Being friends with one (1) Kim Seokjin.

“God, just end me,” Yoongi mutters, placing his $80 steak on his pan. It sizzles deliciously, much like how his (nonexistent) love life is about to get burnt to a crisp.

x x x x x

“Took you long enough.” You watch as Seokjin taunts you with a funny little dance by the lobby of his dormitory, the building receptionist not even batting an eye at his eccentricity. That’s the sad side effect of living in close proximity with Seokjin: you start getting desensitized to most things, not even flinching at the sight of a man without a functioning central nervous system.

Seokjin slides his card to open the door, finally allowing you entry. “Sorry. Got busy preparing your lunch! Which by the way, you should be thanking me for.”

“The moment I thank you for anything is the day that you slip on your own cum and die,” you grouse, nudging past him to get on the elevator first. You punch the button for the 5th floor before rapidly trying to close the elevator door on him. Unfortunately, Seokjin makes it in time before his ass gets clamped by the two steel doors.

“Thinking about my cum? Oh my, Y/N… I know you’ve had a dry spell for too long, but I didn’t think you’d be that desperate for some of my butter,” Seokjin says, leaning closely to wink at you.

Against your will, your cheeks brighten furiously, weakly pushing Seokjin away from you. “You wish. At least I don’t spend my spare time loitering outside the campus gym to ogle all the sweaty hot people.”

“And the invitation to join me still stands by the way!” Seokjin singsongs, leaping out of the elevator once you reach his floor. You walk side by side until you reach his room, but you catch him shooting a furtive glance at his next-door neighbor.

“Is Yoongi joining us for lunch?” you ask, failing to keep your curiosity from showing in your voice. If Yoongi does end up joining you for lunch (which has never happened in the past four years, convincing you that he must have a personal grudge against you), then at least it can confirm to you straight away that whatever this “date” is just another prank by Seokjin. You don’t know if you should be disappointed or grateful if it is just a joke.

Seokjin beams in response, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “You know what? He is going to join us, actually!” 

He had been in the midst of unlocking his dorm when he changes direction, leading you to Yoongi’s door instead. He rifles through his other keys, and you notice one of them looks similar to his own house key, except with a Hello Kitty sticker on it. He pulls that key out and promptly unlocks Yoongi’s door without missing a beat.

What kind of weirdo must Yoongi be to give Seokjin a spare key to his dorm? You’d rather shit out a cactus than let Seokjin have free entry to your home whenever he pleases.

You hesitate by Yoongi’s door, feeling nervous all of a sudden. “Um, Seokjin? Are you sure it’s okay for me to–?”

“HONEY I’M HOOOOME!” Seokjin’s loud guffaw cuts you off before you can finish your question. He bursts through the door and leaves you by the hallway, and you watch as he nearly tackles Yoongi to the ground.

Yoongi, despite looking like he’s half the size of Seokjin on a good day, manages to keep upright despite how his back is now bent parallel to the floor. “Get off me!” he yells, roughly pushing Seokjin off of him. 

Seokjin tumbles to the floor, but the shit-eating grin on his face hardly wavers. He points at you by the doorway, a cheeky grin on his lips. “Look, Yoongi-chi! I brought a guest!”

Yoongi spares you half a glance before returning his attention to whatever he was cooking. “I suppose you did.”

Okay, this date is definitely a joke. Why the hell did you even think for a second that Seokjin might have been into you?

“Um,” you stutter nervously. You grind your heel into the carpet self-consciously, your gaze downcast. “Hello, Yoongi. Sorry for the intrusion, by the way…”

“It’s fine,” Yoongi replies, albeit a little curtly. He clears his throat, his face still tilted away from you so you can’t tell if he’s genuinely annoyed or not. 

You point a glare at Seokjin, who looks shamelessly pleased with himself. After taking a deep breath, you take your first steps into Yoongi’s home before gently closing the door.

As you look around at your new surroundings, you notice that his home is a lot cleaner than you would have expected, though you’re not exactly sure what you should have expected in the first place. It’s minimalist, but not in a barren type of way; it’s seems like Yoongi is fond of simple designs more than anything. It’s certainly a nice change of pace compared to Seokjin’s abomination of a room, with his vaguely yellow-stained bedsheets. 

The smell of freshly cooked pasta and meat being grilled catches your senses immediately. You watch as Yoongi flips over a hefty piece of steak, the aroma causing your mouth to salivate instantly. 

“I… What is… Huh?” you start, not knowing what to ask. You catch Seokjin snickering quietly to himself, but promptly shuts up when you mime punching him in the dick.

“It’ll be finished in a second. Why don’t you sit down?” Yoongi announces quietly, his gaze still fixed away from you. Confused but left with no other choice, you tentatively make your way to his couch, unable to relax as your spine remains ramrod straight and your jaw stays clenched. 

You hear Seokjin shuffling behind you until he eventually makes his way to sit with you, plopping onto the couch as if it were his home. “Ah… I’m soooo hungry. Smells good, doesn’t it?” he asks you, his brow wiggling too much to be considered normal. Either that, or he was having a stroke.

“Yeah, it does,” you say, greatly uncomfortable. You peek at Yoongi once more, who is still dutifully attending to the steak. Making sure he isn’t looking, you twist Seokjin by the nipple, causing the elder to let out a high-pitched squeal. To an outsider, it might have almost sounded like he was being pleasured. 

“Ouch! What the fuck was that for?” Seokjin whines, rubbing his tenderized nipples. 

“You know what that was for,” you hiss, keeping your volume low. “What the hell are we doing here? Why are you making Yoongi cook for us?!”

“For us? It’s for you!” Seokjin snaps back. “Didn’t you say you would only come over if you got fed? Well, this is how you get fed!”

“I was under the assumption that you would be feeding me, not him!” you seethe. You check back on Yoongi, who still hasn’t looked your way once. “The poor boy… No wonder he doesn’t like me! He must think I’m as bad as you!”

Seokjin snorts. “Of course he likes you! This whole lunch date wouldn’t have even fucking happened if he wasn’t assdeep in lo–”

“Lunch is finished,” Yoongi interrupts loudly, his spatula rattling loudly against his pan. The sudden noise makes you jump away from Seokjin, who appears vaguely triumphant. 

“T-thanks,” you stutter, standing up and resisting the random urge to shake his hand. Everything about this situation is so tense and awkward that it feels like you’re being filmed for a prank Youtube video or something. Knowing Seokjin, the odds of that happening are great. 

“That’s my cue to leave then! Bye! You guys have fun!” Seokjin says, jumping to his feet. 

You vaguely hear Yoongi gasp quietly when you launch yourself at Seokjin, just narrowly keeping from escaping. “Oh no, you don’t! Who said you could leave? You’re not going anywhere!”

But like the slippery snake that he is, Seokjin manages to wriggle out of your arms and hop over Yoongi’s coffee table to get to the door. “Too bad! I have classes to get to, so I gotta blast! Use this time to get to know each other or whatever it is that kids do these days,” he says, winking salaciously. With one final sputter of (evil) laughter, Seokjin makes his exit, leaving you and Yoongi to fester in some good ol’ fashioned discomforting silence.

“Um,” you say, just as Yoongi opens his mouth to say something too.

“No, you go first–”

“You go ahead–”

The two of you pause mid-sentence, staring at each other. You grin sheepishly at him, motioning for him to speak first. 

He returns your smile half-heartedly. “So, um… I just wanted to say I’m sorry for letting Seokjin rope you into this. I tried stopping him, but… You know how he is.”

You laugh, sounding a little crazed even to your own ears. That’s the longest sentence you’ve ever heard him speak! 

“Yeah, believe me… I am intimately aware of how he is. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t,” you joke. 

Amazingly, your little quip makes his smile widen, his cheeks puffing up imperceptibly. “Glad we can agree that Seokjin has the amazing ability to ruin people’s lives. It’s almost welcoming to find solidarity in a shared experience.”

“Shared experience? Try shared trauma. That dude is a walking serotonin sucker,” you say dryly. 

You don’t think what you said was remotely funny enough to warrant a laugh, but it causes Yoongi to let out a loud snort regardless. But the amusement on his face is short-lived, his cheeks going red in embarrassment. He slaps a hand to his mouth, breaking eye contact once more. “Oh fuck, that was so unflattering,” he groans, clearly mortified.

His blush, multiplied by his shy demeanor, makes you want to coo at him, but you doubt he’d take that too kindly. So instead, you change the subject to save him. “So, uhh… The food? You don’t have to give me any, by the way. I wouldn’t want you to waste your lunch on me or anything.”

Yoongi snaps out of his previous embarrassment, returning to the more familiar stoic expression you’ve come to associate with Yoongi. “No, that’s fine. Seokjin–er, rather… I made enough for two people, so it would be a waste if you didn’t eat at least some of it. But I don’t care either way if you want it or not.”

For two people? you wonder. So Yoongi had known Seokjin wasn’t going to join for lunch?

“Oh, if it’s fine with you…” you trail off, meekly making your way towards him. The spaghetti and steak look absolutely delicious, though you don’t need to tell him that when your stomach speaks for you. “Oh shit, that’s so embarrassing,” you say, your cheeks heating up this time.

Yoongi chuckles, shaking his head. “Haven’t eaten breakfast yet, I assume? That’s pretty stupid if you ask me. Don’t you have class until 5? How the hell would you have survived until then?”

You choke in surprise. Where did all that sass suddenly come from? “Excuse me? I’m not stupid! I would’ve been fine with a sandwich from the cafeteria if you must know!” you say indignantly. You’re too busy being offended that you don’t fully comprehend his words, failing to notice how he had known you had class until 5 in the first place.

“Sure, whatever you say.” Rolling his eyes, Yoongi starts shifting through his cupboards and pulling out a pink tupperware. He begins to load them with food, nearly overflowing the containers with how much he tries to stuff in them.

“H-hey! What are you doing?”

“Packing your lunch. You have class in a bit, yeah? It’s almost 11:50 and it takes around 15 minutes to get to the main campus. You won’t have time to eat here and make it in time,” he says, pointing you with a look. “Wait. Did you have coffee this morning?”

“Yeah? So?” you ask, defensive. “Are you gonna call me stupid again for not having caffeine or something?”

“No,” he grunts. “If you’re caffeinated, then that means it should only take you 7 minutes to get to class.”

“That doesn’t even make sense!” you exclaim, but you can’t help letting out an incredulous laugh. “Wow. You’re kinda weird, did you know that?”

“You barely even know me, so how would you know?” he retorts. He finishes placing food into the tupperware and promptly clicks the lid in place. He offers it to you, smirking slightly.

You huff, but your ire is all for show. You aren’t actually annoyed by him–he’s just… different from what you expected. A little shy, a little rough around the edges… but you can tell he isn’t a bad guy. You understand why Seokjin loves to torment him; he seems like a fun person to tease. 

“That can be amended,” you respond, taking the tupperware from him. Your fingers graze the backs of his hand by accident, causing him to quickly retract his hand as though he’d been burned. You nearly drop the container in surprise, but luckily your reflexes save your precious food just in time. 

“Sorry. About… you know.” Yoongi gesticulates wildly, his gaze darting anywhere but at you. 

You smile secretly to yourself, amused. Ah. He’s like a human seesaw. Blushy one second and grumpy the next. “No worries, Yoongi. I’ll be sure to return this container soon, so don’t you worry.”

Yoongi shrugs. “Keep it if you want. I don’t care either way.”

Says the guy who has an entire cupboard full of color coordinating food containers. “Roger that, Yoongi.”

Yoongi walks you out the door, pausing outside the hallway with you. “Do you…” he hesitates, swallowing loudly enough for you to hear. “Do you… want me to walk you out?”

His sudden offer almost makes you want to laugh, but you have a feeling he wouldn’t find it amusing at all. Instead, you just shake your head with a smile. “Don’t worry. I won’t get lost. I think I remember where the door is.”

He pouts, his lips jutting out cutely. “Yeah, well. I was just trying to be nice, but you do you.”

You giggle lightly, patting him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry. You were more than nice,” you say, winking for added effect. It does more than you thought it would, causing Yoongi’s cheeks to bloom once more.

With one last wave, you make your way out of the dormitory, your heart a little lighter than before. 

“Huh. That was weird.” You glance at the pink little tupperware in your hands, its warmth keeping your hands safe from the winter chill. As you walk to class, your thoughts are filled with nothing but a shy boy with soft hands and even softer cheeks. Maybe Tuesday isn’t going to be so bad after all.

The Widow and the Wolf - Chapter 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x dark!exWidow!reader

Summary: After Natasha Romanoff took down the Red Room, the former Widows scattered to the wind. Raised to be a killing machine and released into the world with nothing and no one, you decided to use your newfound autonomy to take down the bad guys of your choosing. But now Natasha is riddled with guilt for leaving you on your own. She wants to recruit you, rehabilitate you, make you part of a team again. But the rest of the squad has reservations, and no one is more against you than Bucky Barnes.

Warnings: Graphic violence; Mentions of domestic violence, rape, pedophilia, human trafficking, child sex trafficking; eventual Dubcon (not Bucky); eventual smut; slow(ish) burn enemies-to-lovers. [More warnings will be added as necessary but these are the Big Bads.] 18+ only, no minors.

A/N: This is canon-adjacent in that I just decided to pick and choose who I wanted to write for and what parts of canon I wanted to use. Best not to think too hard about where it falls on the timeline because the canon is a mess and we all kind of hate it anyway.

If you prefer to read on AO3, you can do so here.

Chapter One

You’ve been tracking him for days, not that it was hard. His patrol schedule is always the same, as is his after-hours routine: drinks at the Irish pub on Reade Street with the other boys in blue. It’s a cop bar but you waltz right in, looking lost even though you know the name, rank, and various misdeeds of every guy in the place. He looks at you, because of course he does—his wife assured you that he has a wandering eye, among his other sins.

You take a seat at the bar. “Double vodka rocks, please.”

The bartender pours you your drink and you take a deep pull, savoring the burn of it. Then you wait, but it doesn’t take long—it never does. Sergeant Thompson sidles up to the barstool next to you.

“Hey darlin,” he says, his breath reeking of cheap beer. “You lost?”

You turn to him with an innocent smile. “Evening, officer.”

“It’s Sergeant,” he says, tapping his badge, “but I won’t hold that against you. So, what’s a pretty young thing doing in a dive bar with a bunch of old men?”

“I was supposed to meet a friend for dinner but she bailed on me. Figured I’d grab a drink before I head home.”

“And where is home?” he asks, not that it’s any of his business, but cops think they deserve answers to any questions they feel like asking.

“Williamsburg,” you lie.

“You’re pretty far from home, then,” he replies, even though you both know that you aren’t. He takes a sip of his beer and the foam leaves a trace like a mustache before he licks it clean. “It’s late. Why don’t you let me drive you? Wouldn’t want you on the subway this time of night.”

“It’s only 8:30,” you say. “I think I’ll be just fine.”

He leans in conspiratorially. “Well, I really shouldn’t be telling you this—open investigation and all that—but we’ve been on the lookout for a guy in the area, serial rapist, real nasty piece of work.”

That’s one thing the two of you have in common at least.

“I’d feel a lot better if you’d let me take you home, darlin.”

“I suppose it couldn’t hurt,” you admit. “Can’t get much safer than the NYPD, right?”

He laughs and so do you, knowing that nothing is farther from the truth—especially when it comes to this guy.

Sergeant Thompson speeds across the Williamsburg Bridge with his flashers on, headed toward the address you gave him. Of course, that’s not actually your address—you don’t have a home anymore—it’s just one of many rundown warehouses in the neighborhood, variously used for impromptu raves and as drug dens and, in your case, a private place in which you can take care of business without fear of being interrupted.

“This is me,” you say, waiting for him to let you out of the back of the cruiser where he insisted you ride—caged in like a helpless animal, or so he thinks.

“This place?” he asks. “Looks like it’s about to collapse.”

“You’d be surprised what they can do to these places on the inside—gentrification and what have you. My rent is astronomical.”

“Still,” he says, “I’d like to walk you up. Looks a bit unsavory.”

“If you insist, Sergeant.”

The second you get up the stairs to the top floor, you inject him with the etorphine, straight into the jugular, and down he goes. It never gets old—how easy it is, when they think that they are the predator and you are the prey. You drag him into the loft where you’re already set up for a long night’s work.

When he comes to, he’s fixed to the chair with (among other things) his own handcuffs, mouth taped shut and a rag shoved in for good measure. You don’t want to hear him talk; it’s time for him to listen. His day of reckoning has come. He starts to squirm but between the cuffs and the duct tape and the sedative still coursing through his veins, he’s not going anywhere. Even if he did get free, you could take him down easy. It’s what you were trained for. It’s what you were born for.

“Welcome back, Sergeant,” you say, and he screams something unintelligible through the rag which, if you had to guess, would be some combination of “cunt” or “bitch” or any of the other choice words he likes to use on his women.

The tarps are laid meticulously around the room, placed strategically to catch any and all evidence of what you’re about to do. When he notices them, he goes still, because he knows. Part of him knows.

“So,” you say, pulling out the Thompson file, “this is quite the impressive resume you’ve got here, Sarge. Lots of civilian brutality complaints, including a few choice allegations from female prisoners. Oh, and then there’s the domestic violence and marital rape. You’re a real charmer, huh?”

There’s more muffled screaming but you ignore it—the last gasps of a dying man.

“Here’s the thing, Sarge. I know you think that you’re above the law, because you are the law, but you aren’t. Your wife is real tired of your shit, and me? Well, let’s just say that my motto is protect and serve.” You lean in close enough to smell the salty sweat on his brow. “And unlike you, I actually mean it.”

You pull your favorite knife from your thigh holster and slit him from ear to ear. “See you in hell, Sergeant.”

You sit on the edge of the table, swinging your legs and watching him bleed out. It doesn’t take long. The actual disposal is the real work. You set about chopping him into manageable pieces and you find yourself missing the days when you didn’t have to cover your tracks alone, when there was a clean-up team to take care of it for you.

But you’re freelance now. You’re not a Widow anymore. She made sure of that.

Sometimes—like right now, when you’re dripping sweat and every muscle in your body is screaming its exertion as you saw through bone after bone—you hate Natasha Romanoff. You know why she did what she did; you understand that, objectively, it was the right thing to do. But did she ever stop to consider the repercussions of her actions? She got out early and found a new family and became one of the Good Guys. But you? You entered the Red Room with nothing and you left with nothing.

They always said you were born to be a killer. It’s all you’ve ever known. So what exactly did she expect you to do? You may be free of the mind control, but you never had the chance to develop a mind of your own. Killing is all you know. At least now you get to pick your own targets.

Once you’ve got Sergeant Thompson all squared away, you pack him up in the trunk of his cruiser and drive upstate, listening to the 80s station you like. It occurs to you that most people have heard these songs a thousand times—so many times that they know the lyrics instinctively, can sing them without even having to think about it. It’s all new to you, though. You can’t decide whether it makes you sad to think about all you’ve missed or whether you’re lucky that you get to experience for the first time what everyone else is already tired of.

When you get to the farm, you dump Thompson in the holes you’ve already backhoed, then you hop on the Cat and fill them all in. You shoot a text to Mrs. Thompson from your burner—just a thumbs-up emoji—and she replies with a smiley face. It was only so long before he would have killed her; she knows it as well as you do. The only people that will grieve the dearly departed Sergeant Thompson are a bunch of assholes who are one false move from ending up in your web.

You didn’t charge Mrs. Thompson your usual rate—just what she could afford without drawing the attention and ire of the Mister. Sometimes, depending on the circumstances, you even work pro bono. After all, you only kill people for money who you would happily kill for free. You consider it a service, something for the greater good of society. You’ll take money, sure—you need it to live and to continue your work—but not from people who can’t easily spare it.

You have standards. You have a code. That’s the difference between the you that served as a mindless weapon wielded by others and the you that decides for yourself how to use the gifts you’ve been given. No women. No children. No collateral damage. Only Very Bad Men who’ve done Very Bad Things. You don’t see the harm in it, not really, and as you settle into bed you come back to the thought you often have before a fitful night of sleep: who’s the real avenger, Natasha?

*****

Natasha wipes her brow and throws the rag down on the mat, grabbing a bottle of water and chugging half of it before she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. Bucky has barely broken a sweat from their morning sparring session, and he doesn’t even try to fake it. He’s in an especially grumpy mood.

“This is a bad idea, Natasha.”

“To some people, maybe,” she says, “but I want to bring her in anyway. I don’t understand how you of all people are against me on this, Bucky.”

“Uh, for starters, she’s a serial killer.”

“That’s a bit of a harsh assessment, considering the circumstances. And do I really need to remind you that the same could be said about the two of us? That a lot of people still say that about us?”

Bucky sighs, because he knows she’s right, but this is different—you are different. “It’s not the same,” he grumbles, but he’s not entirely sure it isn’t, and that’s what’s really bothering him.

“Look,” Nat says, taking a step toward Bucky, “I need to try, ok? I know what she’s going through because I went through it, except she’s completely alone out there with nothing and no one. You and I… we had people behind us, helping us.”

“And what if she says no?” Bucky asks. “Are you just gonna let her go on doing what she’s doing? She’s killed… how many is it now?”

Natasha mutters something under her breath and Bucky looks at her expectantly. “What was that, Tasha?”

“25 people in the last 6 months,” she states, her mouth set in a hard line.

“Exactly,” he says.

“I would like to point out that they were all very bad people. So...”

“Tasha,” he says, and he puts his hand up to silence her. “I can’t help you on this. I’m sorry. I want to, but I can’t.”

Natasha huffs out a laugh. “You know what, Barnes? You’re real high and mighty for a guy who–”

Natasha stops herself when she sees the ice-cold look in Bucky’s eyes. “Go on. For a guy who what?”

“Nothing,” she says. “I’m sorry. I’ll go on my own.”

“Well, good luck to you. Hope you don’t get your throat slit.”

Bucky stomps off and Natasha is left wondering if she’s about to make a huge mistake. She knows you’re volatile, that a part of you must resent her, but she needs to make it right. At the very least, she needs to try.

Natasha grabs her tablet and scrolls through the latest intel on your whereabouts. She’s just missed you in New York, but she thinks she’s got a jump on your next target: some coke dealer down in Miami with a predilection for underage girls. Just a brief glance at this guy’s file is enough to make Natasha’s blood run cold. She knows why you do what you do. If she’s honest, it doesn’t bother her one bit that you’re doing it. It’s the thought of you out there on your own, filled with hate and anger and thirsty for bloody vengeance, that frightens her. Because maybe one day—left to your own devices, lost in the chaos of your troubled mind—getting the Bad Guys won’t be enough for you. Maybe you’ll decide that some of the Good Guys aren’t so good after all. Maybe you’ll even be right.

She contemplates being honest with Steve and telling him where she’s headed but decides against it. Steve isn’t on board with her plan. Natasha doesn’t fault him for it—he doesn’t understand, he couldn’t. Bucky, though... that’s a disappointment, and it surprises her. If anyone knows what it feels like to spend your life as someone else’s weapon, it’s Bucky Barnes.

Natasha waits until nightfall to “borrow” the Quinjet, and she finds Bucky waiting for her when she gets to the hangar.

“I’m coming with you,” he says, “but only as back-up. She’s dangerous, Natasha.”

“Maybe so,” Natasha replies, “but only because she’s afraid.”

*****

You knew that she’d be coming for you sooner or later. Might as well get it over with. Your little stilt cabin on the outskirts of the Everglades isn’t quite set up for company but at least it’s tucked away and difficult to access. You’re surprised she brought him, though—that was a mistake. You and she could have a nice long conversation, but you have nothing to say to the Soldat.

You climb up the tree to your lookout platform and hoist your sniper rifle onto your shoulder, following their slow but steady progress through the knee-deep swamp water, trying to line up a decent shot as they weave in between the bald cypress trees. When you see your chance, you take it, and you put one about an inch from where the Soldat’s metal arm meets the flesh of his shoulder. It ricochets off, as intended, and he jumps forward to shield Natasha. You hear her laugh through your earpiece.

“Relax, Barnes. It was a warning shot. If she wanted to hit you, she would have.”

“She did hit me,” he snaps.

You smile as you descend from the tree to meet them.

“Well well well,” you say. “If it isn’t the Murder Twins. To what do I owe this unwanted visit?”

“You know why I’m here,” Natasha says.

“Yes,” you reply, “but why is he here?”

The man she calls Barnes looks at you with disdain and you give it right back to him. You can tell that shot in the arm really pissed him off and it pleases you to no end.

“He’s just watching my back,” she says. “That’s what happens when you’re on a team.”

“Right, The Avengers. How adorable.”

“Listen,” Natasha begins, but you stop her.

“Let me save you the trouble of whatever little speech you have prepared. I’m not coming with you. I’m not going to Widow rehab and joining your ragtag group of misfits. And I’m not going to stop doing my work just because you come here and bat your eyes and smile pretty at me.”

“Your work?” spits the Soldat. “Is that what you’re calling it?”

“Bucky, don’t-”

“Let him talk, Romanoff,” you say. “He obviously has some… opinions. Now that he’s got the mask off, he can finally speak for himself.” You take a step towards him, your rifle in hand but not pointed at him. “So speak, Soldat.”

He looks flustered and not a little bit angry. You can tell he doesn’t like to be called by that name. “Killing people isn’t work,” he says.

You huff out a laugh. “And what is it that the two of you do, exactly? Run a coffee shop?”

“We are not the same,” he says, and you smile because you know that he doesn’t actually believe that—how could he after everything he’s done?

“I think we are exactly the same, Soldat, with one huge exception: you’re still letting other people tell you what to do, and I’m done with all that.”

“This is pointless,” he says.

“Now that is something you and I actually agree on.” You turn to Natasha. “You should go while you still can. I have work to do.”

But Natasha just won’t let it go. “I should never have left you alone,” she says. “This is my fault. Let me fix it.”

“I don’t need to be fixed,” you snap, and you raise your rifle and point it directly at her head. “Leave, Natasha. And take your little pet with you.”

The Soldat grabs her arm gently. “Let’s go, Tasha. She’s hopeless.”

You feel a pang of something then—some indescribable form of melancholy. You try to keep it off your face but you can tell from the look in his eyes that he sees it. A minute tremble of your lip, the quick double blink—it gives you away, and now you’re really pissed off.

“Leave. Now,” you yell, and it pierces through the sweltering darkness. “I’ll make you sorry if you don’t.”

You watch Natasha and the bionic man make their way out of the swamp. You don’t turn your back on them, not that you think they’ll try to take you by force. That would be unwise and Natasha knows it. Once you’re satisfied that they’re gone, you return to the cabin. The bloodied man in the linen suit lays strapped to the bed where you left him, squirming and shouting around the gag in his mouth.

You have to stop yourself from making this a messy affair, but the anger you feel—at her, at him, at everything—is making it difficult to temper your darker urges. You’re not one for torture, even though this man absolutely deserves it for the horrible things he’s done. You almost give in, but you remind yourself that this is a job—it is work, despite what the Soldat may think—and you have to remain professional.

You grab the man’s file off the desk and pull a chair up next to the bed. “So, Mr. Garcia, where were we?”

CHAPTER TWO >>>

organizing my brain re: literary references in ted lasso episode 2: 

there were 3-  (actually 4 but the first shakespeare one is kind of a toss away joke- the ‘perchance to dream’ bit)

1. the prince of tides reference is pretty clear cut- the novel is about troubled childhoods (understatement), coaching and complex family relationships as well as therapy, and some romance etc. 

it makes total sense that sharon, a sports psychologist, would have that as a favorite book.

2. ‘heavy is the head that wears the visor’

it’s a pretty clear cut jokey reference to henry iv part 2

and i encourage you to go read the whole soliloquy because it's good stuff, but here’s the essential part:

“Canst thou, O partial sleep, give thy repose

To the wet sea-boy in an hour so rude,

And in the calmest and most stillest night,

With all appliances and means to boot,

Deny it to a king? Then happy low, lie down!

Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.”

this is such an incredibly incisive quote for sharon to use, because it’s not only about anxieties messing up sleep which we know ted struggles with--

it’s also the fact that henry iv was a usurper with no god given right to the throne. he is portrayed as an indecisive ruler in the play with his doubt and uncertainty resulting partially from his own belief that he did not deserve the ‘crown’, even though in the previous play he’s in (richard ii) he is portrayed as ambitious and capable.

(i.e. sharon has this man’s NUMBER. she KNOWS.) (this is also what we call good fucking writing)

3. THE GODDAMN FOUNTAINHEAD? TED.

christ boy i want the explanation we were denied before i make any conclusions but imma give you one (1) yikes right off the bat.

so i am a person who has read that whole book- because rory gilmore did, obviously. i also chose rand as my author one year in high school (she had the longest books and i was a pretentious prick) so i have read just about everything she ever wrote and i’ve gotta say- that woman is absolutely mad. and she can absolutely write. and she needed a better editor, but i imagine if some bloke had come along and tried to edit her goddamn 75 page monologues i’m pretty sure she would have set him on fire.  

(howard roark blows up a building because someone fucks with his architectural plans in the fountainhead, but the longest monologues are in atlas shrugged which no one should ever feel like they need to read)

anyway, i do see how this happened, and i can *kind of* see a reason or two why ted says this. so he started high school in the late 80′s when ‘greed was good’ and books like the fountainhead that have extreme examples of individualism were very popular- so he probably first read it as a school related thing. 

and honestly, when you read that book as a teen it is quite appealing- this character who gives absolutely no fucks and follows his own ideas to the very letter at the expense of absolutely everything else. roark is unaffected by setbacks, by shitty people he works with, the woman he loves (WHOLE OTHER CONVO BTW) going off and marrying several dweebs because she's not quite at his level yet. he has absolute courage of his convictions.

it’s also just a fucking remarkable novel- like as long as you know that the philosophy in it is absolutely bonkers. all the characters are incredibly flawed- including the ‘flawless hero’- there’s just something about it.

maybe the ted lasso connection is that the fundamental quality the characters share is real no-holds-barred-belief.

for roark it’s belief in ego and the self, for ted- he believes in belief itself, the power of the human mind to be curious and entirely leave aside judgement

and deep down both of them really do believe that they are the best at what they do and that anyone else’s interference makes the whole endeavor tainted- for ted though, he may get over that. IN THERAPY. WE HOPE.

anyways there’s a bit in there that reminds me of ted during the darts scene- it’s in the fountainhead just before the ‘they killed the guy who invented fire’ speech that every dumb rand loving asshole you’ve ever known quotes. 

“Roark stood before them as each man stands in the innocence of his own mind. But Roark stood like that before a hostile crowd--and they knew suddenly that no hatred was possible to him. For the flash of an instant, they grasped the manner of his consciousness. Each asked himself: do I need anyone’s approval?--does it matter?--am I tied? And for that instant, each man was free--free enough to feel benevolence for every other man in the room.“

tldr; ted was a weird kid, and so was i, but he needs to read more books

I'm obsessed with this dark!Shepherds AU?? Could you tell us more about it? Or in a head-to-head fight, which Shepherds would win against their evil counterparts or vice versa?

Hi there, good question! I haven’t really given that much thought to the dark!Shepherds AU, but I imagine (if we’re making it very similar to the Justice League scenario) something happens to make the majority of the Shepherds snap, and they turn against the Autarchy and instate a form of governance based solely on power and domination. They think they’re doing what’s right by preventing conflict and protecting the world from demons, just like the Justice Lords felt when they took over the world. That being said...

Dark!Blade: Dark!Blade isn’t all that different from teenage/young adult Blade, who was perfectly comfortable with the idea of assassinating and killing people for his cause, and because he firmly believed it would lead to the greater good. Dark!Blade would be like that, but even colder and more ruthless than his past self. He would rid himself of all personal attachments, such as friends, family, and romance, believing that such feelings made him weak and hesitant, and made himself vulnerable to his enemies in the way that the Autarch was made vulnerable through her sons. 

In a toe-to-toe combat situation, it’s hard to say who would win. Both have razor-sharp killing instincts and battle tactics, but I’m probably going to give it to Dark!Blade, because he would be willing to fight dirty (taking loved ones hostage, threatening kids or bystanders) and Blade would sacrifice himself willingly for others while Dark!Blade wouldn’t. So I’ll give it to him 90% of the time!

Dark!Trouble: I really can’t imagine a dark version of Trouble, not in the whole “bad Justice League” sense. I suppose he already walks a fine line between light and dark as it is; his relentless good, altruism, courage, and compassion make him a hero, but there’s that edge of temper, rage, and darkness (especially in his past--he was a criminal and killer-for-hire too, after all) that colors it as well. Like, now it’s fine for him to beat the everloving shit out of an asshole like Lazu Reen, but that could tip over to someone who’s not so black-and-white bad, too--he could turn that hatred towards an enemy who is more nuanced, like a politician who ultimately serves the people and does good, but who happened to make Trouble an enemy by personally slighting or hurting a friend, something like that. Trouble’s sense of loyalty tends to override his desire for justice in some ways, and I could see him supporting someone like Blade or MC to the end if they framed their endeavors in a way that could still be read as “good”. Like, yeah I had to kill this group of people, but it was for the greater good! And he’d be like “alright, I trust you!” He’s got your back even when the whole world turns against you, until there comes a point when he just can’t stand it anymore--but by then, he probably already did a lot of bad out of love of his friends.

If it were a death match between Dark!Trouble and our Trouble, I’m betting our Trouble would win, purely because Dark!Trouble’s desire to live would be just slightly lessened by the weight of all the deeds he committed. I don’t think he’s truly cut out to be bad, so our Trouble would probably win... 

Truthfully, though, if we’re following the Justice League formula, I could see Trouble being the one dying to trigger the domino effect that leads to the Shepherds turning bad. Like the Flash (I’m pretty sure it was Wally West in JL), in a way, he’s one of the hearts of the Order that bridges them to the civilian population and vice-versa. If he were killed, I could see them falling into the path of darkness (with a lot of other factors involved, too).

Dark!Shery: we already know that Dark!Shery and Shery are one in the same, lol. I don’t think Dark!Shery would be so much like the bad Justice League; I think what would be dark about her would be her indifference, her total passive indifference to their quest for domination “for the greater good” and their thirst for revenge. Dark!Shery is more just personally angry, aggressive, loud, forceful, and selfish, but I don’t see any world where she sets out for power or world domination. If anything, I see Dark!Shery (in that AU) being petty and mean, ripping lollipops out of kids’ hands because she feels like it and not batting an eye at seeing a beggar collapse in the street. 

That’s not to say drunk Dark!Shery is like that, I’m just taking her badness to an extreme in an AU where all of the Shepherds are bad!

In a fight, Dark!Shery would absolutely win, lol. She doesn’t have any better combat abilities than our Shery, but her sheer rage would be terrifying and would lend her crazy strength, lol.

Dark!Tallys: Tallys, too, already walks the edge of the path to darkness a little bit, I think. Obviously she’s chosen the good side, but in a different world where a demon promised her revenge for her fallen family and an opportunity to burn the Autarchy down, I think the younger her would have taken it. In a dark!AU where Trouble was killed or something, I think she would be like, “okay, fuck it” and give in to that doubtful, vengeful side of herself and just go apeshit on the world. She would be one of the people spearheading the plan to take over the world. She’d give lip service and say she was doing it for the greater good, but another part of her would revel in the blood and chaos. It wouldn’t heal the wound in her heart, though, and would only make her even more twisted and angry. 

In a head-to-head first, I’m going to give it to our Tallys 60% of the time. Part of the thing that makes Tallys so effective in battle is her ability to sever herself from her emotions and maintain a cool head; she can detach herself from personal feelings and analyze combat with cold clarity. I feel like dark!Tallys would be easy to taunt into a rage, or she would let her hatred and thirst for blood cloud her mind, so I feel like our Tallys would have the advantage most of the time!

Dark!Riel: I say this in complete seriousness: in a world where Riel decided to turn evil or fall to the dark side, everybody is already fucked. He would absolutely be the most effective and terrifying villain out of the entire cast. He will rip, slash, and burn entire countries with the easy ruthlessness of an accountant making budget cuts. He knows a dozen ways to starve, lay siege to, and lead public campaigns against the enemy. He would be the scariest Autarch the world has ever seen. If you think he’s mean to his enemies like Ebert now, wait until he has no moral code holding him back...

It’s difficult to imagine a battle between Dark!Riel and our Riel, but I’m going to guess the utter dispassionate cruelty and lack of compassion in Dark!Riel would win 90% of the time. Our Riel has a little less edge than Dark!Riel, so for that reason, I think he would lose. And so would the world...

Dark!Chase: I feel like Dark!Chase is very similar to our Chase, just colder, more ruthless, and bloodthirstier. He’d take genuine pleasure in torturing and killing his enemies, and I think he would cut out the flirtatious aspect of his personality in favor of a crueler and more sadistic sense of humor. He would also probably be batshit insane, like, somewhere on the Joker’s level but not obnoxious; in fact, quieter and calmer and deadlier, like you could never really know what he was thinking. People would be afraid to look into his eyes. I think it would take a lot more to push him to that point than the others, though; but once he tipped over that cliff into darkness, there’d be no going back or remorse for him. He’d love to kill his enemies with a kiss and a smile.

In a fight between our Chase and Dark!Chase, I feel like it would be 50/50. Dark!Chase would be more reckless, unpredictable, and have even less of a fear of death than our Chase does; our Chase would have the edge in terms of strategy. So yeah, I think it would be 50/50!

Dark!Red: I can’t even imagine what Dark!Red would be like, lol. I just can’t imagine him being truly evil or ruthless without feeling guilty about it. I guess I could only imagine it if, like, he messed around with some spell and it robbed him of the ability to feel love or empathy?? But even then, I feel like he doesn’t have any inclination to go around conquering the world or hurting people. He mostly just wants to chill and read his books. I feel like he’d be the only one out of the group (besides probably Trouble if he’s not already dead) to be like uhhh guys what’s going on here, this isn’t like us?? He’d probably defect and lead a small underground rebel force with Pan and Neon. OMG and he’d be the one to figure out worldwalking and travel to our Blest to get our Shepherds to fight his because they’d be the only ones to stand a chance at taking down the evil versions of themselves!!! OMG!!! IT ALL FITS WTF. 

Dark!Ayla: I could see Ayla Hulking out and becoming full of rage, but it’s difficult for me to imagine her doing something like supporting the death of innocents or using dirty-handed maneuvers to conquer the land. She’s also among the most independent of the Shepherds, so I feel like she’d be the most vocal of their opposition... it’s realllly hard for me to imagine her casually killing anybody except for scumbags who hurt other people, like murderers and kidnappers. In a war between different political factions or a bid to conquer the world, I just don’t think she has it in her--no matter how angry and aggrieved she was at whatever turned the rest of the others bad.

I think she would either be on the good side, such as supporting Red’s rebels, or vocal enough among the bad guys to have been killed as a dissenter; she might not be around by the time our Shepherds made it to the dark dimension. But if she was, I’m pretty sure our Ayla would win against her 80% of the time. Our Ayla still has the courage of her convictions and the scrappy desire to survive no matter what; dark!Ayla probably wouldn’t. 

Dark!Halek: Also hard for me to imagine Halek turning truly evil; I feel like, if something bad were to happen to turn the rest of the Order bad, Halek would give himself more to grief instead of rage and revenge. He most likely would remove himself from the situation rather than try to take over the world; they would probably have to go hunting for him in the wilderness, kind of like when Luke was a hermit on that blue milk island in Star Wars (spoilers I guess?). I guess dark!Halek would be sort of tired and indifferent Halek, not able to go up against his old allies; our Shepherds might regard him as a coward, but he wouldn’t be evil like the others. 

Our Halek would definitely beat that Halek in a fight, but they’d probably have no reason to fight in the first place!

Dark!Briony: did any of you ever watch the Flashpoint Paradox (another DC movie about the Justice League--well, the Flash--finding out about a really evil parallel universe)? There’s a scene in it where Dark!Wonder Woman--Queen of the Amazonians and waging a war against Aquaman and the Atlanteans--like, beheads Aquaman’s wife Queen Mera and holds her head up to Aquaman like “fuck you”. I won’t link the gif because all of the violence in that movie is pretty gruesome, but that’s how I feel Dark!Briony would initially be. Super strong, running through the enemy army like a knife through paper, annihilating whole forces and landscapes with just her fists, and not giving a shit just how many people she’s killing. I feel like there’s already a tenuous grasp on her emotions in our Briony; beneath the happy-go-lucky, sweet exterior, she feels so much and loves so much that there’s also the ability for her to snap. It wouldn’t take that much (a few more Nathes) to unhinge her and decide to hurt the world as much as it has hurt her. I think she would sort of black out into an all-consuming, heartbroken suicide run where she just decided to do everything in her power to create as much destruction as possible, to somehow soothe the destruction in her heart. 

When that wouldn’t work, I think she would come back to her senses a little and start to slowly realize how fucked up and evil the things she’s doing (and the people around her) have become. It would be slower than someone like Ayla or Red, but gradually I think she would start to nurse a secret doubt in her heart, and if someone like Red was still around, he’d be able to convince her to start working for the good guys in secret, as their mole within the dark!Shepherds. However, I feel like cleverer minds like Blade, Lavinet, Chase and Riel would find her out, and she’d probably be executed for her treason.

In a fight against Dark!Briony and our Briony, I feel like it would depend on what stage of her development she’s at. If it’s still full rage mode, Dark!Briony probably wins like 80-90% of the time!

Dark!Lavinet: I could see Lavinet turning evil, but it’s sort of hard to imagine because she takes her duty to serve the people so seriously--it’s difficult to imagine what would need to happen to make her forget that, or to make her think she knows what’s best for them, even if that means doing bad things. It would already be so easy for her to do that in our world that she’s very conscious of it, so it would take a lot for her to fall into darkness. However, it’s still possible, and I could totally see her agreeing to be installed as a figurehead Autarch in order to maintain order and peace, slowly becoming more callous and ruthless over time. She would totally execute the old guard loyal to the previous Autarch and make their heads roll publicly to instill fear and respect for her reign. She does have that streak of ruthlessness in her; in our world, it’s reserved only for her enemies, but in that world, she’d slowly start to view everyone as her enemy--even past friends!

In a fight between Dark!Lavinet and our Lavinet, I would guess that our Lavinet would win 90% of the time. In that AU, I feel like Dark!Lavinet would let others do the fighting for her, and she would get used to ruling and being behind the front lines; in a way, she’d lose her fighting edge, something our Lavinet still has in spades. So in a direct combat situation, I think our Lavinet would win! In a game of wits and politics, I’m not sure--I would give that one 60-40 in favor of Dark!Lavinet!

Varigo on Affection

Hi hello, I’m writing this essay on the boys and how they handle affection. Why? Because I had a long car ride and felt like it and they’re my comfort ship. If there’s discord formatting that I missed I apologize.

Please note: these are all personal head canons, if you don’t like them that’s fine! 💕

Did I put this in discord? Yes. Does it need to be here? No. Is that going to stop me? Absolutely not!

Hugo -

Hugo tends to show his affection via physical contact, and listening to Varian but that part isn’t intentional. He doesn’t realize how much that means to Varian. He’ll usually be the one to grab Varian’s hand on walks or ask to cuddle (mostly in the beginning, as time goes on Varian starts getting more comfortable to ask for hugs and stuff. We’ll get to that later).

When he was younger he’d constantly be looking for any form of love. (By younger I’m saying like 16-the trials). He never got it in any form, parental, friendship, romantic. He’s had physical relationships and settled for that because it was something. So when he starts dating Varian he has a hard time accepting that Varian actually loves him. Hugo’s constantly putting a hand on his shoulder, grabbing his hand, wrapping an arm around him thinking that’s all he could do. He backs off when Varian is showing apprehension though, especially in the beginning because he overwhelms Varian, which I’ll talk about when we get to him.

He doesn’t take things further than that, though. He’ll grab his hand and Varian will accept and he’ll get flustered like omg omg omg omg he accepted my hand hold help. Also yes, he is a tomato at this point. Once Varian get’s past his new relationship jitters he teases Hugo for it. (In a lighthearted way, he’s not trying to shame Hugo in any way they’re just being bickering dorks).

He’s never had experience talking about his feelings, either. Most of the time Donella never asked and he didn’t have friends. He’s a very emotional person (which he grew up hating) but he never was allowed to express these emotions and buried them.

The most verbal-affection he shows is when he’s helping Varian through a bad day. When Varian has a panic/anxiety attack, nightmares, overworks himself etc. Hugo tries to help him through through words because Varian hates being touched when he’s in these moments. It scares him. He’ll also try to talk Varian through his guilt. He’s the first person to not blame him for what happened to him when it comes to the whole amber situation. He’s the first person to tell him, hey, you crossed lines but I get why you did it and you had a right to be upset.

When he joins the group, he does the same thing. Hugo knows how to act, deceive, everything he grew up doing.

As time goes on, because of he doesn’t quite know how to process his own emotions, so when he starts developing feelings for Varian he knows something’s changed but he doesn’t know what.

Over time, there’s a moment where it just clicks. He’s watching V do something where he’s in his element being the most Varian Varian can be. Maybe he’s explaining a chemical formula to Yong, I’m not sure yet aha.

So he’s watching that, and he’s just sitting there subconsciously thinking, I love him so much. Then what he’s thinking hit him and he’s like- oh whoops.

Their first kiss is in the library after the apology. They spend months (≈3) holding each other’s hands and cuddling because both of them are scared to make the next move. Though Hugo tends to kiss the top of his head, or Varian will kiss his cheek, hand etc.

Hugo’s still having troubles vocalizing his feelings, so he continues to show it through actions.

So they’re talking it out, and Hugo tells Varian he loves him for the first time (which is a huge step for him to admit, and also stuns Varian) and he’s like- I’m sorry I know I hurt you and I truly care when Varian asks if he can kiss him. Hugo get’s flustered and starts tripping over his words and is like, “I-I mean if you want to-“ so he does.

It’s after this and when they go back to Corona that their relationship starts to grow bit by bit. They start slowly working through their problems together and healing from their past traumas.

Hugo’s as patient as can be, and appreciates how understanding Varian can be. Hugo will have moments where he still feels like he’s not enough. Varian tries to help him through it the best he can.

He’s scared to tell Varian, though, because aforementioned nobody’s ever loved loved me for me. He values Varian’s friendship and isn’t honest about his feelings for a while because he doesn’t feel he’s worthy of him. But Varian’s constantly telling and showing him that he is.

In the beginning of their relationship Hugo always made the first move because of these insecurities. (While listening to Varian, of course). But Varian starts making them over time, flustering Hugo in turn. But he comes to cherish those moments because actively reminding him, no you dolt I do love you! Now have a hug! Insert angry Varian nosies.

Most of these feelings go behind the scenes, though since Hugo doesn’t know how to talk about them. He’s also afraid of being vulnerable. So part of their banter is Hugo trying to convince himself he doesn’t care (mostly in the beginning when they practically hated each other). Now it’s a staple in their relationship because Varian’s a sassy child of sass and Hugo’s an ass Hugo. I mean, it’s Varigo. 20% love, 80% actually I love hate you.

After the library they start getting closer. Especially after settling down in Corona. Though Hugo’s go-to is still contact. He’ll hug Varian at any chance he gets. Call him Hug-o. That, and he won’t ever admit this, but he loves whenever Varian will hug back. Varian hugging/cuddling him? It’s everything he’s ever needed and more.

In short, Hugo’s a touch starved asshole who loves his boyfriend and wants to cuddle 24 7. And I love him for it.

Varian -

Varian shows most of his love and affection via words. When it comes to contact, he has to trust someone for him to be able to hug them. So, instead of instantly jumping to hug someone he’ll let them know that they’re appreciated.

Because of some of the attacking from Corona before and after his pardon, as well as some of the fights he saw in prison contact scares him when he doesn’t know someone.

On top of that, none of his friend/family are overly touchy people. Besides Rapunzel. Eugene will put a hand on his shoulder or the occasional hug if somethings wrong and he’s trying to comfort him.

He didn’t grow up with anyone voicing their appreciation of him either. Especially Quirin. He spent so long trying to get Quirin to tell him he was proud of him. So when he starts dating Hugo, he tries everything to get him to understand he does appreciate and love him. He’s the first to say I love you, which was pretty early on which both terrified and meant the world to Hugo.

When they first get together and Hugo’s constantly trying to hold his hand, it scares him at first because nobody’s ever been that touchy with him. (Respectfully, Hugo backs off if Varian’s uncomfortable). They do end up talking about it and Varian asks if they can take it slow, which Hugo agrees to.

Over time he slowly starts to accept it more. He’s also very flustered when they first start showing their feelings. (Bonus, Nuru basically tells him hey I can tell from here that you love him so pls figure this out soon I cannot do this anymore. In a respectful, I’m gonna help a friend out sort of way. She knows before he does). After he starts getting used to someone showering him in affection, in a way, he starts going to Hugo. He’ll grab Hugo’s hand or initiate a hug.

When it comes to their first kiss, Varian is heartbroken because of the betrayal. But when Hugo goes into the library he apologizes, which hits a nerve Varian didn’t know he had. Nobody ever apologized for hurting him, ever. (No, that prison scene does not count as an apology, Rapunzel. Personally head canon that after that she never wanted to bring it up because it’s all good now so why talk about it? Once it’s over it’s over. She does the same thing with Cass as well. This isn’t Rapunzel hate, though! It’s just something I feel she does). Seeing Hugo understand that he hurt him and let him know that yes, it is okay for you to be upset means everything. He was never allowed to be upset before. Corona treated things like his actions negated everything he went through. He was told that he deserved to go to prison and the trauma came with it because it was his ‘punishment’ for everything he did. Now, Hugo’s telling him he understands. Despite the betrayal and everything that happens, he knows he still loves him. He’s still hurt but he’s willing to work through it with him. He trusts that he won’t hurt him again.

So, Varian asks to kiss him and Hugo accepts. Varian knows that Hugo’s someone important to him and he doesn’t want to lose him. The sting is still there, it’s salt in the wound from everything he went through before. But he wants to give Hugo a second chance.

When they go back and start settling down in Corona, he starts becoming more aware of Hugo’s insecurities. They’re harder for Hugo to hide now that he’s not constantly acting around him. Though during the trials there were moments where they stopped and Varian sensed something was off, but he never knew what.

He tries his best to constantly remind Hugo that he cares, that he loves him, and all that. He doesn’t get as flustered now that they’ve been together for a while and becomes almost as much of a cuddle bug as Hugo, especially on bad days. Almost. While Hugo rarely talks about his feelings, Varian starts tp learn how to tell when Hugo’s having his own bad days. He’ll stick by his side, hold him, and remind him of everything.

When Hugo helps him through his bad days, it means the literal world to him. Going back to what I said before, he never really talked about everything he went through. He never let himself heal, either. He would constantly blame himself for it. Nobody had ever given him another opinion. They were either involved, or bias citizens. So when Hugo tells him, hey, yours feelings were valid you just took the wrong actions, it means a lot. (He knows his actions were bad at this point).

Hugo allows him to be upset, but still does his best to show him that he’s loved. He doesn’t treat him like a burden when his mental health gets the best of him, and vice versa.

While Hugo doesn’t outright say how much he loves Varian, he shows it through his actions. Varian tries to tell Hugo how much he loves him, by saying it and reminding him that he’s here for him. He loves him for him. And that’ll never change.

And there’s my essay. Enjoy! Also if it’s messy sorry I wrote this in one go and skimmed it over twice. Don’t know why I made it so long I just said ha time to ramble!

Meeting and Dating Ace Merrill

(Not my gif)(Requested by a few anonymous askers)

- You’d been out with a few of your friends, visiting a drive in movie theater when you just so happened to catch Ace’s eye. He had to do a double take when he saw you for the first time, since when did Castle Rock have stray models wandering around?

- Well, what’s a guy supposed to do? Not come talk to you? Uh, uh, not an option. 

- So, while you were standing at the concession stand, the greaser sidled up to you, leaning against the counter and introducing himself with a charming smile. He made conversation as you waited for your food, sprinkling in little flirty comments and twirling a strand of your hair between his fingers. 

- Not too long after, the cashier returned with your order; interrupting the two of you. You gathered your purchase, a bit disappointed that you had to say goodbye so soon. 

- Just as you were trying to think of something to say, he asked if he could take you out sometime. The two of you made plans to see each other before your friends urgently called you over. You hurriedly said goodbye to the blonde, giving him a quick apology before heading over to your seat. 

“See you around, y/n/n.” 

- Once you joined back with your group, they began to warn you about how much trouble your “new friend” was. To be honest, it sort of turned you off of him and rightfully so. A womanizing criminal was not exactly the kind of guy you were looking for. 

- With your friends words in mind, you made sure to avoid the blonde, not meeting him for your date and not answering his calls. Unfortunately for you, you’d relinquished just enough information about yourself for him to be able to track you down and by that I mean, he visited your work. 

- Finally, you were forced to confront him and admit that, yes, you’d been avoiding him. He seemed more than a little pissed but he tried to be on his best behavior, especially when asking if that mean’t you “couldn’t be friends”. 

- You felt bad for jerking him around so you hesitantly agreed to, at least, be on good terms with him. Lets just say you didn’t stay just friends for very long. 

- After only a week of hanging out with him, you find yourself fooling around in the backseat of his car. Don’t be too hard on yourself, Ace is a professional. 

- You tugged your sweater back on, running your fingers through your mussed up hair as the boy lit a cigarette. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders as you settled back against the seat, blowing out a cloud of smoke before he spoke. 

“You’re mine now, alright?”

“Yeah,” you said quietly, a small smile finding it’s way onto your lips. “yeah, alright.” 

- And so, the two of you began your “secret” relationship. 

- Ace really isn’t too bad, just rough around the edges. You learn to live with his faults and just try to stop him from doing anything too against the law or dangerous. 

- He has a cold and tough exterior but his insides are... well mostly the same but with beer, some gooey parts and lots of love for you. 

- Can I just say that something tells me Ace is a momma’s boy. Like his family is pretty dysfunctional but his ma means a whole lot to him and she’s the sweetest little woman you’ll ever meet. He’s very excited to introduce you. 

- He usually calls you doll, darlin’, angel and babe. You cant decide which ones your favorite, he makes them all sound so good. 

- He’s always messing with something, whether that be a car part, knife or something of yours. 

- Constant pda. He has his hands on you whenever you let him and will try to sneak some contact whenever you wont. The only reason you wouldn’t let him was if you’re around someone you don’t want knowing you’re together.

- The looks that he gives you in public, oh dear. 

- He makes it damn clear to everyone that you belong to him so yes, you could say that he’s pretty jealous. 

- If anyone even tries to flirt with you they need to watch their backs while walking home. He’s not afraid to pull a knife on a guy in a bar, what do you think he’d do to someone when they’re all alone?

- You probably get an ‘Ace’ tattooed on you at some point. He’d usually just do something like that himself but he wants it to look nice so he’ll take you to an actual shop; unless of course, you want him to do it.

- He most likely tattooed your name on himself, making you do the first letter yourself. He thinks it’s cute when you keep apologizing for “hurting him”.

- Raunchy compliments. If you’re lucky he’ll just say you “look good” or that he “likes it” when you’ve done something new to yourself. 

- Husky morning/late night whispers. 

- Sometimes he’ll arrive home late at night, stumble around for a while and then just collapse onto you, falling asleep as you watch tv. He’s usually a little tipsy so you just run your fingers through your hair and let him nap. 

- Most of the time he’ll wake up all groggy a few minutes later, throw you over his shoulder and carry you off to your actual bed which is just a cozy tad bit too small.

- He drags Eyeball to the store with him whenever he needs to get you a gift.

“How bout roses? Girls like that kinda shit right?”

- Eyeball probably has a crush on you, he can’t help it; there aren’t a lot of girls in town who are as nice as you, not to mention as pretty. 

- All the cobras think you’re adorable and the best girlfriend any one of them could ever manage to get. They grew especially fond of you after you brought them beer when they ran out.

- Trying to stop him from messing with kids. He tones it down, mostly whenever you’re around, but never really quits. 

- Fake wrestling. It’s fun to roll around on the floor with you a little, especially when he wins which is often. 

- So much sarcasm, if you don’t know how to hold your own then you better learn quick. 

- Helping him or keeping him company while he cleans his car. He sprays you a few times with the hose because he’s an asshole. 

- He’s made you sit on the hood of his car for a picture at least once. 

 “I’ll give you two bucks if you let me take one of you topless.”

- He likes standing behind you while you cook and resting his head on your shoulder.

- Cutting his hair for him. There’s something oddly satisfying about sitting in a tiny bathroom with him, balancing on the sink ledge and trying your best to not mess up. 

- He doesn’t give a fuck, he’ll buy you pads. Who's going to give him shit for it? His friends? He’ll beat their asses into next week. 

- Going to drag races. 

- Watching him play pool. 

- Rough kisses. 

- Hickeys, bruises, and bite marks. 

- Sitting on his lap. 

- Getting pinned to things because he likes seeing you all flustered. 

- Let’s be honest, there’s a lot of sex. The mans horny like 80% of the time. Anything you do turns him on. Thankfully, being good at sex is one of his redeeming qualities. 

- He’s the kind of guy to slap and grab your ass in public with no shame.

- Whenever you walk in front of him he tends to pull you back against him so that you’re pressed against his chest. It’s both because he can't keep his hands off of you and because it shows that you’re his to everyone around you.

- Whenever you’re in the car together, he drives with one hand on the wheel and the other on your thigh. 

- Him doing really dangerous shit and making you worry. He thinks it’s kinda cute when you do, not many people genuinely care about his well being. 

- He thinks it’s fun to annoy you so expect him to act like a little shit every now and again, putting things you need on the top shelf and stealing your clothes or towel from the bathroom while you’re showering. 

- He’ll usually annoy you until you talk to him whenever you try to give him the silent treatment. 

- Your parents found out about the two of you when they caught you making out in his car, a few months into your relationship. It certainly made convincing them that he’s actually an alright guy  pretty hard. 

- Depending on their personalities, they either made you stop seeing him for a little while as a punishment then tried their best to accept it or they just kicked you out of the house. This was the 60’s after all, most parents were pretty strict and judgmental. 

- If they decide to kick you out then you’re moving in with him, plain and simple. You're his girl, he’ll take care of you.

- Fights are rough, like really rough. There’s yelling, insults, things being thrown. It’s just overall not a fun time. Either you or him storm out at some point; if it’s him then you usually aren’t there when he gets back. You go to stay with your friend for a while. 

- He calls you constantly and tries to find you whenever you’re out in public. He’s still pissed off but he misses you and feels kind of horrible when he comes home and doesn’t find you there. He’ll usually spot you when you’re walking home and will drive up beside you to try and win you back. 

“Get in the car y/n.”

“Get lost Ace!” You shout, spouting off some rant about how you’re through and aren’t coming back. 

“That’s bullshit and you know it! We’ll be doing this till the end of time darlin’.”

“This is the last damn time Ace.”

“Come on babe, gimme another chance. Why’d you get that tattoo if you couldn’t handle me.” He joked. 

“... If I get in that damn car you promise this won’t happen again?”

“Hell, I can’t promise anything but I’ll sure as hell try.”

- When you guys are in bed he’ll apologize for real, wrapping his arms around you while you lay your head on his chest.

“You do know I’m sorry, right?”

- He’s kind of just your average dirtbag who sometimes takes you for granted, then makes it up to you in some way that makes it really hard for you to leave. You know you should probably ditch him but you just can’t, you love him for better or for worse. 

- You probably have a civil ceremony or a really small wedding. He’s not one for stuff that’s big and fancy so something private is ideal for him. 

Hello dear! May I have a romantic and Nsfw creepypasta match-up please? Feel free to ignore this if they are closed but if you do choose to do this then thank you so much! I hope you have a great day/night!

Zodiac sign: Leo sun, Aries moon, Leo rising

Personality Type: ENTP

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Straight (For now might be bi but i'm going with straight)

I'm 5'4 and I have a very tiny body frame so i'm extremely petite and pretty small. I'm not very curvy and I literally have the body of a cereal box...lol but its fine because I have nice hips and thighs. I have thick brown hair that goes down to my back and it gets tangled pretty easily but its kinda fluffy. I have brown eyes and tiny freckles all over my face and body. I also have a very strong grunge style, like Flannels, band t-shirts, combat boots, leather jackets etc. But i'd also always enjoy a nice oversized sweatshirt or hoodie with a pair of skinny, ripped jeans and some converses or something along those lines.

For my personality.....this is where things get interesting. At first people find me very intimidating due to my resting bitch face and cold exterior but I promise i'm not like that ALL the time. When you get to know me, i'm a big extrovert, goofy and about everything that comes out of my mouth is sarcasm or some dry humored joke. I'm also that one friend in a group where they literally will do the stupidest shit ever like for an example one time it was super dark outside and my other friend was there, while I was trying to climb a tree and I failed and fell out of the tree, and landed on my back. I got straight up after that somehow it didn't hurt.....like at all? But yeah i'm super reckless and sometimes people have to save me from myself if you get what I mean. I also have a very strong "I don't give a fuck" attitude and I will not hesitate to stick up for myself or my friends....like i'm the type of person where if someone glares at me, i'll glare right back. I can have bad anxiety and I can be very self destructive. This is where my feisty, stubborn, hardheaded side comes in. If I want something then i'll fight for it even if it hurts me and i'll get into a bad cycle of putting myself down and trying to do better even if I did great the first time but I always push myself too far and other people have to stop me because I usually can't see it when its happening. I also cover my emotions up and I have a lot of trouble talking about whats bothering me or what problems i'm having emotionally so I put up a wall and I act tough, or happy and sometimes i'll be the exact opposite but I try to hide it.

Weird things about me: I've grown up in the south all my life so sometimes when I talk a few words they'll come out sounding WAYYY more country and southern then I wanted, I don't have an accent but sometimes my words just come out that way. I also love the smell of cigarette smoke....let me explain. When I was a kid my parents smoked a lot and I was used to smelling it and now it reminds me of home and is sort of comforting.

Things I like: I love swimming (I was on a swim team for about 9 years), I love horror movies, I like rain and the sounds of thunderstorms because its calming to me, I also love the smell of rain, I like cloudy days, cooking, listening to 80's and 90's rock but mainly 90's because 90's is the best, My favorite bands are Bush, Audioslave, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Linkoln Park, Pearl jam but i'm pretty open to anything. Things I dislike: Spiders.......I will scream if I see a spider.

So for the nsfw part.....I'm very shy and i'd like it if someone guided me. But i'm 100% a Bottom and I love praise and maybe a tiny bit of degradation. I also have a big ownership kink like if someone tells me that i'm their's....then I might die. Also if they told me that they "Needed" me I would also die on the spot...in a good way. I'm also a sucker for marking like lovebites and hickies? Yes please. But please tease me and edge me because I prefer not having control so someone else being in control is just...lovely. Also pet names! Like Sunshine, Babygirl, Doll....AHHhh I might melt. Things I don't like are impact play or the whole "Daddy kink" It kinda just makes me cringe

I also don't think I really have a type but.....I do tend to love people who are brooding, and intimidating on the outside but a big teddy bear on the inside because that's how I am sometimes. I hate people who are fake or just passive aggressive because they are super annoying to deal with and honestly if you have something to say then just say it to my face rather than behind my back.

Hello :)

|| I enjoyed reading through this. I'll definitely work on it now. ||

I match you with ~ Jeff The Killer!

First off, he really likes your size and style, he has a think for small girls that can still be tough and that’s something he loves showing off when you get together lmfao, he’s like, “Yeah, my girls strong. Fuck you gonna do about it?”

Now, Jeff is a really unstable, violent guy. A lot of people (even me) don’t even see him ever being interested in being in a relationship, so when the creeps saw Jeff with his arm around you, they were immediately baffled by it.

The truth is, though, this man totally wants to have someone by his side, someone that accepts him even though he’s a killer. Someone that’s open to his feelings and is willing to look past all of the horrible shit he’s done.

You’re like that to him, it took him a very long time to get used to how he felt for you at first. At first he thought his brain was just being stupid, but Jeff isn’t dumb. He knows what these feelings feel like, and he recognized them almost immediately after that.

Jeff is really insane, and he constantly leans on you for support and depends on you to keep him leveled at times. It can get pressuring, but despite it all he always makes sure to not blame you if he ends up doing something dumb because he knows it’s not your fault.

He finds your clothing style pretty hot, he really loves badass kind of outfits with leather and band names, because as I said, he loves to show off that his girl is “cool” or something.

He thinks your resting bitch-face and cold exterior is really badass too, being around you always gives him so much confidence and its a great change from the usual fake confidence he has around everyone that he keeps up as a defense mechanism when in reality he was always pretty insecure.

I honestly think Jeff is an extrovert too, like he loves being around people and interacting with them (When they’re not normal people and don’t think he’s hideous, that is). I canon this mostly because when hes alone, then he’s also alone with his thoughts and his thoughts always end up wandering to his insecurities and what he hates about himself, but you often catch him during these times and you reassure him that everything will be okay and that you still love him.

He totally relates to being the friend that says stupidest shit, you two will often just go up to one of the creeps and just start spouting random shit. He honestly fucking loves being goofy with you, and you two are always creating awesome memories together when you prank the other creeps and sometimes each other and he honestly wouldn’t have it any other way.

When you do stupid shit that gets you in trouble or puts you in danger, he’s always quick to get to you and make sure you’re okay, he would probably panic a lot though. Like, “What the fuck, dumbass?” “How the HELL did you do that???“ as he’s frantically trying to solve the situation. Will most definitely sit there and laugh at you for a good 5-10 minutes once the whole thing is dealt with though.

You being able to stick up for your friends is one of the great qualities about you that he absolutely adores, especially since before he became a killer he would always get bullied and nobody would ever stick up for him, so one day when you defend him against a bunch of assholes it just warms his heart up and makes him feel so loved, but he most likely wont admit that.

He’d let it slip eventually though.

When you’re feeling self-destructive, he is 100% there for you. Although he’s not really the best at giving advice, he’ll still sit there with you and let you talk your heart out and will listen to every single word because he wants to show that same contribution towards you that you’ve shown him. He’ll constantly reassure you that not everything is your fault and that you’re strong, and he’ll make little promises to you.

If it was a person in particular making you feel that way though, he’d definitely make sure to pay a visit to the motherfucker.

He admires your determination to fight for the things you want, but to an extent. He hates it when you overwork yourself or push beyond your limits to the point where it destroys you, and he wants you to know that you’re not alone and you can ask for help, you don’t have to destroy yourself. He’s more than willing to stay right there, by your side.

He understands hiding your true emotions, because well, he’s had to do it a lot around the other creeps and around his family when they were still alive. So he won’t ever push you to talk about somehting if you don’t want to, but he doesn’t want you to pretend to be okay either. He’s more than willing to just lay with you and do whatever you want if it would make you feel better.

He honestly likes how you have a southern accent at times, when he’s feeling upset or like his sanity is draining, your accent really soothes him so sometimes he’ll ask you to lay it on thick because he could honestly listen to you talk to him and listen to your accent all day if he wanted to.

It’s good that you like cigarette smoke because I canon this man smokes very often.

When it storms at night, he’ll always hold you close to him with a blanket and just listen to the storm sounds with you because it soothes him too. This man is really pent up from feeling driven to constantly murder and just sitting with you listening to the rain and thunder is one of the main things that level him.

He’s really not the best.... at cooking.... but, this means you can cook often for him since he won’t for himself. B)

He will just put you in a car and drive for hours to no destination and blast that 80s and 90s music just to see that smile on your face.

This man will 100000000000% destroy any spider within a 10 mile radius of you.

He understands not liking people who are fake because there were a lot of people who talked shit about him when he went to school, and when he has a problem with someone he will always say it to their face and make them understand that they’re a piece of shit to him.

NSFW:

You like being dominated and guided? Good, because this man is at least 95% a top. He thinks it’s adorable that you’re shy and will most definitely be willing to guide you through the whole thing and tell you exactly what to do for him.

Jeff is really possessive tbh, so when he’s fucking you he will constantly say shit like,

“Fucking mine”

“You’re nobody elses“

“You belong to me, only”

This man will definitely bite you everywhere, he lives to just throw you down onto the bed and start biting everywhere on your body and making sure to leave marks just so you know exactly who owns you.

Don’t worry honey, he will spend hours just filling you with his cock and telling you that you cant cum unless you beg more, or he’ll just pull out right when you’re about to cum on him and just slap your folds with his fingers as a way to make fun of you.

He’ll call you things like, “baby” “dollface” “darling” when he’s feeling passionate but oh boy if he’s feeling angry or he’s punishing you? Be prepared to be degraded all night.

There we go <3

Sorry if this is too long lmfao, I just think that Jeff is a really misunderstood piece of shit. I hope you’re having a great day and taking care of yourself, and I hope you enjoyed this matchup. :)

𝐁𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐇𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐬 - 𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬 𝐄𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐬

Summary: What happens when you find out your shitty boyfriend cheats on you with a new coworker and you decide to show him just who he messed with and you run into a bit someone unexpected? 

Warnings: Language, Angst , Cheating , Weapons

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

First Person Point Of View: 

You couldn’t believe that this happened to you, how could you have let this happen? Your recent boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, had decided to cheat with the new girl in his law firm. You had detected the affair quickly as he became less and less, and became much more “work focused” as your mother liked to call it as you started to discuss your concerns. She believed he was a good man as did all your friends, who knew he was so good at lying? To you and the world huh? Your suspicions were proven correct when you decided to visit him at work the last afternoon with the fresh lunch you thought you could share together and found the two of them, coming back from their own lunch, making out in the parking garage of his office. Lucky for you he didn’t see you and you were able to slip away quickly. After slipping away you sat in your car and started to sob, you couldn’t believe this had happened, you just thought he was distant because of a big case, not another woman. As you pulled out of the parking garage that afternoon,  mascara streaked down your chin, you made the decision that if he wanted to cheat, you would show him just the women he cheated on. The rest of that afternoon you made your preparations and got things around and even did a small bit of retail therapy ( with the credit card he had given you of course ) and started the demise of your cheating ex boyfriend, Nathan. First you started prepping by taking a quick shower and applying minimal makeup because, why let him fuck up more mascara? As you laced up your black boots you grabbed the essentials and headed to the bar you knew he frequented after a good case. As you pulled up to the bar you noticed the ugly Ford 4x4 in the parking lot with his cheesy bumper sticker. You parked about a few cars down, giving yourself a nice amount of space between them so if for some reason he wouldn’t see you. As smooth as butter you ran your car key along the side of his truck, bumper to bumper. You begin to pop a tire with the small pocket knife on your keys when suddenly a tall brunette comes running from the other side of the parking lot, “hey, hey lady what the hell?!” he yells his hands out as you turn to him quickly knife in hand “mind your own business buddy” you seeth, slight tears in your eyes as he lowers his hands to his sides “well, you do have a knife, and you are popping tires on a car.. I mean it is a crime” he sighs watching you closely as you turn around again. “Just go inside and get a drink and don't you worry about me pretty boy” you mumbled, as you turned you knew you recognized him, he played in them movies that you and Nathan watched often, He was Captain America. He laughed behind you as he watched you pick the lock of the truck and disarming the alarm “you know I can’t let you continue to commit a crime” Chris laughed walking to you as he continued “so what exactly am I witnessing at this moment?” he asked as he watched you carve (Y/N) in both the headrest and the seat on both sides. “(Y/N) huh? So (Y/N) care to explain to me what is happening?” he asked again as he started to hear the sniffles from you and shortly after a sob. “Fuck him” you seethed through the sobs “fuck him and that ugly fucking bitch” you continued to seeth through your sobs. As you sobbed you took the bat and smashed the hood of the truck and continued you knocked out every light on the truck as eventually two arms grabbed your arms to stop you, a bold move as you were clearly loaded with weapons. “Hey hey” Chris whispered as he took the bat slowly “c’mon let's head inside okay? Hey it's okay, okay?” he looked at you as you once again let this asshole screw up your mascara. You sobbed in the arms of this stranger and watched as he led you inside slowly in which you’d be face to face with Nathan and the woman who created this mess. As you walked inside slowly with Chris by your side rubbing your arm, all eyes landed on you, mainly because you walked in with a gorgeous man on your arm but mostly because obviously they recognized who this man was. Chris sat you in a booth and went to grab some towels from the restroom as to help clean up the blood you didn’t notice before on your hands along with the mascara on your cheeks, he also covered you with the jacket as he left as you only had on a tshirt as it approached 10 pm. As you sat in the booth your eyes on the table eventually someone cleared their throat causing you to look up and be face to face with the eyes that used to hold nothing but love for you. “(Y/N) what are you doing here?” he asked hands on his hips, in an authoritative way not even a hot way as chris did it before “does it matter?” you snarked back adjusting Chris’s jacket on your arms. “I mean I’d like to know why my girlfriend is in a bar with another man's jacket on her arms” he snickered back as you sighed sitting up ready to snark back as someone cleared their throat behind Nathan. “From the story I’m gathering, you cheated on this young lady and she found out, knew you’d be here, with said mistress and she decided to take matters into her own hands, but of course I stopped her before she did any real damage” Chris spoke as Nathan turned to him, mouth agape as he recognized him as well as everyone else did. “W-What?” Nathan looked between the two of you as Chris sat across from you, handing you the towels so you could wipe your hands. Chris looked to you as Nathan stood at the end of the table, “would you like a ride home beautiful? Or at least let me order you a ride?” he smiled at you as the small smile crossed your face “I would like that actually, a ride would be nice..” you whispered standing as he put an arm around your shoulder, Nathan hot on your heels out the door. “You can’t just ignore me bi-” Nathan stopped mid sentence as he saw the damage you had done to his truck “What the fuck?!” he screamed running to the truck, noticing that all four of his tires were slashed, both sets of lights destroyed along with your name in both of his seats, door wide open in which most of his belongings were taken. Finally the young woman decided to join him outside and noticed the destruction to his truck, trying to comfort him as Chris snickered beside you “Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy”. 

+

The car ride to your apartment was quiet as Chris had a quiet 80’s playlist playing. He didn’t push you to talk to him, didn’t push you to tell him what happened, he just followed your directions to your apartment. As he pulled up to your apartment and put his car in park he turned in the seat to face you, “I’m really sorry…” he whispered, you shook your head and shrugged your shoulders “I thought I was going to marry him ya know?” you turned to him as you continued “I just don’t know what I was thinking.. He treated me so well and then.. Well obviously you put two and two together” you sighed sitting up to take his jacket off “Thank you very much for giving me a ride home..” you smiled handing him his jacket back. “You don’t have to thank me, It’s the least I could do” he smiled as you smiled softly back “Is there anything I could do to repay you? Gas money?” you asked curiously, he shook his head and smiled “how about just a phone number? If you need a friend” he smiled back as you nodded slowly. You took his phone from him and entered your phone number making sure to add in the knife emoji next to your name.

+

 Two weeks Later .. 

A knock at the door startled you from your book and coffee as your cat jumped from his sleep. You sighed softly as you got up and opened the door to be greeted by a delivery man who looked to love his job so much. “Uh delivery for (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N)?” he asked unsure as you nodded and took the flowers. “Thank you” you nodded and shut the door walking to the kitchen counter as Chris follows shortly after bringing Dodger back from a walk. “What is that?” he asked curious leaning against the counter in front of you “I’m not sure was just delivered” you shrugged opening the note: 

“ My Dearest (Y/N),

I’m so sorry, I wish I never did these things and I wish I didn’t , Please I hope this is just the beginning of us rebuilding.. Again I’m so sorry, Please call me,Please talk to me, anything… I will always love you

Love, Nathan. X”

You scoffed handing the note to Chris to read as he read over it shaking his head tossing it into the trash “I wouldn’t keep them if you don’t want too. That note though was absolutely awful so you don’t want that” he laughed as he saw the smile on your face as you chuckled again shaking your head “maybe I’ll give them to Mrs.Carter down the hall.. She’s been quite lonely since her husband died” you smiled at him as he then chucked again, “what?” you asked, “I guess maybe he’ll think before he cheats” causing the both of you to laugh. This was the start of something much better than what Nathan ever had to offer you.  

Hey :)

So, I know I just left a request already but the thing is that there's definitely not enough Blush in the Newsies Fandom, and therefore I wanted to ask for 10 ("Who are you?") for Blush in the canon era. Either some getting-to-know each other, or maybe (to make it more angsty) some kind of temporary amnesia thing or that maybe Blink's other eye slowly stops working? (At this point I'm just rambling, but I hope that's something to work with; I really like your writing)

Thank you! You’re right that we need more blush in this fandom, especially since like 80% of us see them as canon. I’m gonna go the kinda flangst route with this!

Sorry this took so long, but I struggled with and scrapped like 6 different ideas before coming up with something I felt good about. This takes place about a year before the strike.

Tw: referenced parent death, implied period-typical homophobia, referenced past child abuse.

...

Mush was woken up by a loud thud, like something hitting the floor.

He was very confused about what was going on until he looked down and saw Blink on the floor.

He was just sitting there, not quite upright, like he’d fallen out of bed and was too disoriented by getting woken up suddenly to move.

“Blink?”

He didn’t respond, and Mush was starting to wonder if he was really awake at all, or if he was... what, sleepwalking?

Honestly, Mush was starting to question if he was even awake. None of the others were, and that thud of Blink hitting the ground had been pretty loud.

Dream or not, he dropped down from his bunk, careful to land quietly next to his sweetheart.

It seemed like none of the others had been disturbed, which was probably a good thing. They all needed the rest. Jack and Crutchie were up sleeping on the roof like they always did in the summers and others all were still asleep.

“Blink?” Mush whispered.

He just kept staring at the ground, dazed, like he didn’t even hear him.

“Blink, are you okay?”

Blink flinched backward, instinctively raising his arms to shield his face, and Mush froze with his hand halfway between them.

Nightmare. It had to be.

What was it that Jack did when things like this happened?

Mush didn’t know, but he knew he had to do something. He did know something that might get Blink’s attention and snap him out of it. Something none of the others knew.

“Louis.”

Blink’s good eye snapped to attention, but not in a good way.

Mush felt a chill at how he wasn’t looking at him so much as through him.

“Who are you?”

His voice was haunted. Hollow, not even a hint of recognition there.

God, if this was what always happened when he had nightmares, Mush had no idea how Jack could ever calm him down.

He was going to try, anyway.

“It’s me,” Mush said, trying to keep his voice calm, “Mush Meyers. Your... your best friend. Ya don’t know me?”

Blink shook his head rapidly, curling in on himself like he was expecting a blow, “No. No. I’m sorry. No.”

That wasn’t good. Blink never apologized. If he was sorry for something, he let you know in more tangible ways. Actions over words.

Much needed to ground him. Now. He didn’t really know how, but... if Blink didn’t remember him, he guessed he should..?

“Do ya remember when you and me first met?” he asked, “We was 9 years old. My mom and pop had just died. I was friends with Jack, Crutchie, and Specs already, so they’d told me I could come here if anythin’ ever happened. I saw ya for the first time sitting out on the fire escape when Specs was introducin’ me to everybody. He told me not to bother ya, so we didn’t talk for a while.”

Mush paused, watching Blink’s face carefully for any sign of recognition.

He was still just staring into space, but he looked more confused than blank now, so Mush kept going.

“Everybody was upset cause Jack was in the Refuge for the first time and we was all worried, but it hit you hard cause you were alone. The others were all grouped up to support each other, but they was all avoidin’ you cause ya scared ‘em. You get defensive when you’re scared, so’s nobody can hurt ya.”

Still no real recognition, but Blink was at least looking more responsive to what he was saying.

“I offered to be your sellin’ partner after a couple days, cause I didn’t see what everybody was so scared of,” Mush recalled, “Not till you a gave me this look like you were gonna gut me in an alleyway. But I sold with ya anyway, and I kept sellin’ with ya even after Jack broke out and everythin’ got normal ‘round here. Best choice I ever made, to stick it out with you.”

Blink smiled distantly, barely, but it was there.

“Yeah, Blink, I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I hadn’t met you,” he continued, “I definitely wouldn’t know how to read people as well as I do. Remember when we were 12 and the Delanceys jumped me behind Jacobi’s? You seemed so angry while you patched me up, but I knew it was just cause you was worried.”

He was relaxing a little bit, his body language no longer wracked with fear.

Mush risked a glance around the room, just making sure that all the others were still asleep.

“You wouldn’t tell me I was your best friend until we were 11,” he said quietly, “Too damn stubborn. Ya don’t bury all your feelings like some people, but ya also never say it if you’re scared or sad or care about someone.”

Making sure it was clear what he was doing beforehand, Mush scooted a little closer to whisper to him.

“That’s why it was such a surprise when ya told me you had feelings for me last month. Asked to be a thing. You said—“

“You’re the only one what sees the good in everyone,” Blink mumbled, cutting him off, “Even people who hide it on purpose.”

He met Mush’s eyes, and it was obvious that Blink was now a lot more present in there.

“I’d be a fool to let that slip away.”

Mush hesitated, then held out an arm, knowing Blink wouldn’t take that offer if he wasn’t ready to be touched.

To his surprise, Blink went to him without hesitation, the tension leaving his body in one breath as he tucked his head against Mush’s shoulder and let himself be hugged.

He was covered in sweat, and Mush could practically feel the exhaustion radiating off him. Whatever that had been, whatever nightmare had triggered it, had clearly taken a lot out of him.

“Did I scare ya?” Blink asked quietly, after a minute of just sitting there on the floor in silence.

“No. Worried me a bit, though.”

He wasn’t lying. Mush had never been afraid of Blink. He’d been able to see why others were, with that fierce, cynical air he put up in self defense, but Mush didn’t really fear anyone, honestly, since he’d gotten good at understanding people. If you understood why someone was doing what they were doing, you didn’t have to fear even the people you hated or were angry with.

Blink, specifically, had never scared him because he’d been able to tell from pretty close to the beginning that Blink didn’t want to hurt anyone. He just acted like he did so that he wouldn’t get hurt himself.

He’d wondered why before. This was making him wonder again, but he wasn’t sure if it was okay to ask.

A part of him was scared of the answer, remembering how Blink had flinched when he tried to touch him before. He hoped he was wrong.

Blink seemed to guess where his thoughts were going and he sighed bitterly, moving up onto the bed and pulling Mush up with him.

“The nightmares are a nice little souvenir from Mom and Dad,” he admitted softly, “They’re... I don’t have them so much as I used to anymore, but... how did ya think I lost my eye?”

So Mush was right. He hated that he was, but... well, he couldn’t say he’d never guessed this before.

“That’s why ya got so weird whenever I brought up missin’ my folks way back when. You didn’t get it cause you didn’t miss yours.”

Blink nodded, “I ran away when I was 7. Wound up here. My folks came lookin’ for me a couple times, but Manhattan’s leader at the time turned ‘em away at the door. Good thing. I’d probably be dead if he’d let them take me.”

Mush didn’t want to think about a world where that happened, “Jack wouldn’ta let him.”

He smiled, “Probably not.”

That smile faded a little too quickly, but Mush didn’t know what to say to fix it.

He could barely see Blink in what moonlight was coming in through the window, but he reached over to push his hair off his face anyway, careful to come at him from the side with his working eye.

Blink leaned his face into the touch with a deep breath.

“Wish I hadn’t wasted so much time back then, assumin’ everyone was out to hurt me. I’da become friends with you a lot faster if I hadn’t.”

“I did think you was a bit of a dick when we first met,” Mush admitted, “But hey, whatever ya have to do to feel safe.”

Blink shrugged, “Well, you feel safest when you’re surrounded by people ya trust and it works out alright for you.”

Usually it did. Mush always tried to be as kind as he could afford to be, and that meant he had friends everywhere.

Blink had a tendency, almost an instinct, even today at age 15 to make people want to avoid him.

It was kind of funny how the few friends they’d told about their relationship hadn’t been surprised at all, despite how different they were. Sun and moon. Practically direct opposites.

“I’d rather you act like an asshole than end up dead. You mean a lot to me, Blink.”

“You mean a lot to me, too, Mush.”

Mush took the awkward silence that followed that as a signal to give him one last smile and climb up to his bunk, but Blink grabbed his wrist at the last second to stop him.

“Stay down here?”

He didn’t have to answer out loud for them to curl up together, cuddling on that bottom bunk.

Dreams

After a dream about you, your co-star Chris has been avoiding you. When you confront him about why he’s avoiding you, he tells you something surprising.

-

           Chris shot awake, gross and sweating, and he was so fast that the dog beside him barked, thinking there was an intruder of some kind. Chris sighed, his hand moving in the darkness to calm down the panting dog.

           “Sorry, buddy,” Chris said to the dog. He rolled over to look at the time - 5:24 AM. He only had a few minutes before his alarm, but he was going to have to take an extra long, very cold shower. He’d had dreams like this before, but not over a co-star. Not over someone he wasn’t dating. Not over someone, well, you. He thought you were pretty, of course, he thought you were gorgeous. He thought you were one of the sweetest people he’s ever met. He thought there might be something there, but dear God, he’d never thought about something so intensely that he needed a cold shower at 5:30 in the morning. He had to see you in a couple of hours, too, and the scene you were shooting had you wearing clothes that made him feel… He wasn’t going to finish thinking about you.

           He went on about his morning, trying to get the image of you doing those things to him and with him, but it was hard. It was especially hard when he got in his car and smelled your perfume from where you’d gone to lunch the day before. It was sweet, like you, and reminded him of your delicate hands and your smile and, oh, really, Chris? he thought. Get yourself together. You’re working together, not having sex, so stop thinking about it. He turned on his 80’s playlist as loud as his Bluetooth would go and tried to forget about it, at least until he got to set.

           Your car was already there, probably because you spent way more time in hair and makeup than he did, and he mentally prepared himself to see you before he walked into the trailer. You were sitting there, getting your hair done, scrolling through your phone as your favorite Cranberries song filled the trailer. You were wearing a t-shirt that was far too big on you and a pair of athletic shorts that were just a little bit too short, and Chris could already feel himself going into shock.

           “Hey!” You said to him, giving him a smile. “I got the coffee you suggested.” He smiled.

           “Really? Do you like it?”

           “Oh, it’s fantastic.” He laughed and his makeup artist came up to him, grumbling him about his hair. Usually the two of you carried conversations across the room, laughing so loudly that people had to tell you that it was too early to be like that, but today he was quiet. He stuck his AirPods in and said he was listening to an audiobook, and your heart sank a little bit. Lately he’d been giving you little hints that he liked you, which was fantastic because you liked him too. But the sudden silence made you a little sad. He was one of your best friends, and considering that you had almost every scene together, you figured that he would be a little more friendly. But you understood. He went through days where he just needed to focus on himself or on something else so he didn’t get burned out, so you just let him be.

           You were the first one ready, and you gave him a little smile when you were getting ready to go to wardrobe. He only gave it back halfway, and it made you a little sad. You touched his shoulder on the way out, since the trailer was so narrow, and walked out into the sunlight.

           “Was it just me or was he acting weird?” You asked your hair stylist, who was going to help you fix your hair after putting your costume on.

           “Oh, he was acting weird,” she responded. “Definitely.”

           “Glad I’m not the only one who thinks so. I wonder if I did something to piss him off. He was fine after lunch yesterday, and he responded to the Tik Tok I sent him. So I don’t know if I just pissed him off or what.”

           “I’m sure you didn’t. He probably just likes you. Guys are mean when they like you.” You rolled your eyes.

           “My mom says the same thing. It’s usually just ‘cause they’re assholes. I just don’t know what I did,” you sighed. You reached the wardrobe trailer and went to put your costume on, quite honestly forgetting all about Chris, at least for a few minutes. You dreaded seeing him on set again, just because you didn’t know what the hell was going on.

           “Alright, we did this scene a few weeks ago, we have our fight choreographers on, we have doubles in the event that one of you gets hurt, just let us know if you need it,” the director said to you and Chris as you took your marks. The red electrical tape had you just a foot away from Chris, who wasn’t looking at you. At all.

           “Chris?” You asked, elbowing him slightly to get his attention. “Marks.”

           “Right,” he muttered. He wasn’t looking at you, still, and you were beginning to get frustrated.

           “We’re going in three...” The director started counting down from three and you moved your hands to where they needed to be. Your character was punching and Chris’s was blocking, and even though it was a few days ago you still remembered everything. You did what you were supposed to do, at least you thought you were doing what you were supposed to, but evidently not because they called cut. You sighed, tightening the ponytail a little.

           “Chris, you’re not on the mark, try and get a little closer, you can ignore the marks for now while we’re getting most of these!” Chris took the direction, and when he looked at you there was something weird about it. Like he was annoyed at your very presence. You huffed right as the cameras started rolling, doing a second take. They called cut because this time you weren’t on the mark. You must have done it five or six more times, just the one shot, which was way more than you usually had to do.

           “Why are you acting so weird?” You asked Chris as they decided to set up another angle. You held your pose so that could see everything properly, but you were glaring at Chris like you wanted an answer. Because you did want an answer.

           “No idea what you’re talkin’ about, sweetheart,” Chris grumbled back.

           “That! That’s exactly what I mean!” You said, holding your arms out like it would make him realize how stupid he was being. “Why are you acting like an asshole?”

           “Maybe I am an asshole, did you ever think of that?”

           “We’ve been working together for six months and you haven’t even come off as one once, so unless you’re going through some severe personality changes, you’re acting like an ass. Did I say something?” He blocked your punch when the director called action, and as soon as they cut the shot you were moving on to the next step. This was where your characters were supposed to give up fighting and kiss each other, but you had a feeling that wasn’t going to happen, at least willingly.

           “No,” he responded with a shrug. You did the next shot in only a couple of takes, and now it was time for the kiss. You had never had a problem doing them before, mostly because usually you weren’t in a position as weird as this one, and you weren’t fighting with your co-star. But, then again, up until that morning, everything between you and Chris had been fine.

           “Just tell me what I fucking did!” You said loudly, pushing him away from you. His damn cologne didn’t allow you to breathe, no matter how much you wanted to breathe it and only it.

           “Alright, what’s going on, you two?” The director asked. He left his chair and walked over to the two of you as the crew resumed setting the shot up again. “Really. Come on. You’ve never had a problem.”

           “Ask him,” you responded, arms crossed, “because whatever it is it’s his problem. I’m just trying to get this scene done.”

           “Oh, of course you’d fuckin’ say that,” Chris said as he rolled his eyes. His Boston accent came out loud and proud, like it did when he was drunk or angry.

           “Okay, both of you! You’re fighting like kids!”

           “He started it,” you explained. “I don’t even know what’s going on and I’m asking him.” Your director sighed, pinching his fingers at the bridge of his nose. He looked at you and then Chris, who was standing there, arms crossed, looking smug as hell.

           “You two need to work this out for yourselves. Take an hour break and be back here after lunch. If the two of you aren’t worked out, I’ll call your doubles in. And you know what that means?”

           “Re-shoots?” You asked. He nodded.

           “Re-shoots. Now go, and don’t come back here if you’re going to act like kids. You’re like my twelve year-olds, God.” You started walking away and grabbed onto Chris’s arm. Some part of him wanted to come with you because he didn’t resist. If he didn’t want to come, he wouldn’t have moved, and you would have been knocked onto the floor. You brought him out to the parking lot, but he didn’t stop walking. He walked into his trailer, sighing, and shut the door behind him. You rolled your eyes, knocking, and he opened the door.

           “You’re being such a diva,” you said. “Chris, why are you acting like such a fucking-”

           “Just a bad day,” he sighed.

           “That’s a lie.”

           “No, it’s not.” His voice was so defensive that you could tell he was lying. “Fine. You’re pretty.”

           “What? I mean, I’m flattered, but what?” He sighed.

           “Not how that should’ve come out. I think you’re really pretty, and evidently, so does my body.”

           “What?” You were even more confused and tugged at your hair, trying to make sense of what he was saying. “Stop being so cryptic!”

           “I had a sex dream about you, okay?!” He exclaimed, so loudly that someone outside the trailer could probably have heard. Your first reaction shouldn’t have been to laugh, but it was. And then he was looking at you and he was actually blushing.

           “Okay,” you said, “so are you going to explain further?”

           “Why would I do that?”

    ��      “Because you brought it up.” You crossed your arms and sat down on the bench seat. He walked over to his coffee maker, probably to get another cup. “Chris, it’s fine. Just tell me.”

           “We were doing, well, things, as us, not like in the movie, like, seriously, and you were calling me sir, and…”

           “Chris.”

           “It’s not as gross as it sounds. I mean, actually, it was, but it means that I like you because I do and I don’t know what to do about it, so I had a fucking sex dream instead of telling you I like you, so now we’re stuck in this mess and I feel like I’m going to get hard every time I look at you!” He was speaking so quickly that you could barely understand what he was saying. You sighed.

           “You should’ve told me you liked me,” you responded.

           “Well, I’m dumb.”

           “Yeah, you are kind of a meathead. I like you too, and this could’ve been much easier if you’d just said it out loud. Because now I’m imagining things I’m not sure I want to imagine.”

           “Ouch.” That was the first smile he’d given you all day.

           “I didn’t mean it like that.”

           “Or did you?” You stood up and crossed the small trailer to him, making him turn to look at you. He had the coffee carafe in his hand and put it down to look at you.

           “What I’m saying is that I’m not so sure I would hate doing those things you were describing. But I’d really like it if we could, like, go on a date first or something. Maybe lunch?” Chris nodded, swallowing, and looked into your eyes.

           “I’m sorry for acting like that. I just didn’t know how to handle it. Lunch sounds good.”

           “I’ll meet you back here in five?” He nodded. You started to walk out of the trailer, but you turned toward him. Your had your eyes on the place that you probably shouldn’t, and smirked. “By the way, I usually say Daddy, not sir.”

           “Oh, come on!” You walked out of the trailer, grinning.

A/N: I LOVED writing this! It was borderline 18+, but I think I was crafty enough to avoid that! 

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