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levmada · 5 months

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PLEASE write about Levi’s mental state, i’m begging you

He’s faced death and precarious situations since he was born, yet he’s still standing strong and hopeful, WHAT THE HELL I LOVE MY SHORT KING

IT'S FINALLY HERE😭im sorry anon i hope you're around to see this and if u are i hope i dont disappoint

the tone in this analysis is so weird because i kept getting caught between 'this is an apa paper no contractions, academic language, double spacing -' and 'this is a tumblr post about a fictional blorbo wtf r u on'

i also use some scientific language i try my best to explain but if this turns anyone off i don't blame them because im unhealthily obsessed

*i'm a third-year undergraduate psychology student w/ a concentration in psychopathology

tw/cw: discussion of childhood exposure to sex (not assault)

Foreword

I’ve been putting this off for a while (I’m forgetful and this topic is intimidating what can I say), but being a year out from graduating with my bachelor’s to become a mental health professional, and being a Levi scholar(/hj), I wanted to give this a shot.

I wanted to dissect and examine Levi Ackerman’s mental health “currently” (as in general canon), and explain as thoroughly but as simply as possible how and why he thinks and acts the way he does.

Seeing how AOT is pretty renowned for leaving out the ‘insignificant’ details, especially character details, a good majority of my assertions and even details of his life are built off of correlations and “signs and symptoms”; meaning some things could be an aspect of Levi’s personality, or a symptom of psychopathology.

I will examine his childhood (especially his childhood), adolescence, young adulthood, and “present” adulthood, with a short summary at the end of where he might be mentally after the war.

*Lastly, I don’t like it when things I say about a series or character are taken as fact or make it implied that someone else’s thoughts are “wrong”. This is partly built on headcanons anyway, which are influenced by my own experiences. Don’t take away from this that this is me telling you what to think.*

Childhood

The most important period of development occurs in infancy and childhood, especially from the ages of 3-6. This is when a child learns where to find security, love, and basic skills, gaining stability as they develop.

Well, Kuchel died when Levi was 4.

Maternal Love / Learning Empathy / Anxious Attachment Style

Levi was born into deep poverty within a violent unwelcoming environment. Basic physical needs must have been very hard to meet (i.e., consistently fed enough, a clean environment, no physical threats). And where Levi was born is like the dictionary definition of a bad environment for a small child, excluding only his mother’s care and love.

As it’s generally understood in canon (and suggested from Levi’s special backstory manga so far) she was a caring parental figure early in Levi’s life that loved him unconditionally. We can conclude that Kuchel did everything within her power to compensate for both parenting Levi alone and shielding him the best she could from his horrible surroundings, teaching the kindness, goodness, and love that Levi would internalize and go on to strive for for his entire life.

As far as we know, no other children lived in the brothel. Socialization is just as important for a young child as receiving love. With this isolation, it’s extremely difficult to learn how to connect to other people, or pick up on social cues. Levi would’ve never learned how to interact properly with his peers—aside from use of aggression and violence which Kenny would go on to instill in him.

With the danger/anxiety imposed by strangers, mostly if not entirely men, he would turn to his mother for comfort all. The. Time.

And she would give him that support and affection of course. This early motherly affection is integral to child development: a child who receives empathy and affection is subliminally taught how to feel and express empathy towards others.

While Levi’s surroundings were dangerous, lonely, and chaotic—traumatizing enough for a toddler or young child—Kuchel provided a safety net from that, so I think that Levi developed an anxious attachment as a child: exhibiting clinginess, excessive fear of abandonment, and an excessive need for security and/or reassurance.

Paternal Trauma / Potential Androphobia

Born and living in a brothel, we can assume that Levi was probably seen as a burden and a mistake by others, especially by men (both the likely majority of her customers and her boss).

AOT ch69; Before the Fall, ch34

This is likely in contrast to the women (those living and working in the brothel like Kuchel). They should know Kuchel if not as friends, then acquaintances who could empathize for her and her son.

There’s an obvious trend here. If Levi is going to feel fear/danger/anxiety because of men, he should have a general aversion to men and-or the behavior of men who he encountered as a child. This is impossible to know for sure or in meaningful detail, but it seemed to be resolved by the time he became an adult if so.

Although Kenny in his words was no more than Levi's teacher, Levi did see him as a father figure.

The subject of Kenny will be expanded on later, but it's clear Kenny in no way resembled a father, who also would go on to abandon Levi (at the age of 11 or so). Children without father figures tend to struggle more emotionally, psychologically, and socially. Specifically, (especially boys) tend to exhibit intimidating/aggressive personas to compensate for resentment, fear, and unhappiness.

Sexual Trauma (Tangent, Probably)

This is unconfirmed but a likely trauma Levi went through: exposure to sex as a child. There’s no way to confirm what he experienced, so I’ll function on ‘probably’s’ and ‘most likely’s’.

Because Levi and Kuchel only lived in one room, other rooms in the brothel should have belonged to other women, and he was at the oldest four, I wager that he was babysat by women who Kuchel knew and/or was made to hide somewhere while she worked, such as in a cabinet.

(for reference)

AOT ch69

The odds are high that he was exposed to the aftermath of sexual violence (i.e., marks seen on his mother), and the sound or smells that have to do with it. That young, he wouldn’t know what it was, but he should have realized later as an adolescent.

In general, children regardless of gender exposed to sexual content usually experience early puberty (which is just as likely for impoverished children, or children who experience chronic high-stress in general); issues with intimacy; become desensitized to high-risk behavior; negative/inaccurate expectations about sex and relationships in the future; influence inappropriate behavior with other children or adults; sex addiction.

This is especially relevant to Levi’s fear of closeness/intimacy in the future. Exposure to sexual situations—possibly not including CSA in his case—very early in life inflicts on a child emotions and stress they don’t have the intellect or reasoning to process or understand. An extreme aversion to interpersonal relationships, especially physical ones, results.

This stress Levi must have felt, being powerless to this happening to his mother, is a different beast. Children aren’t capable of handling high levels of stress, and so the brain will automatically create coping mechanisms: dissociation (a severe form of “zoning out”; observing the self “from the third person”; numbness; the feeling of living in a dream), excessive daydreaming/overactive imagination, symptoms of PTSD (nightmares and terrors; flashbacks; spontaneous activation of fight-flight-freeze associated with anxiety; excessive worrying/fear; loneliness/self isolation). PTSD will also be prevalent in Levi’s later life, which I’ll delve into later.

Inappropriate behavior and sex addiction are also highlights for me because they shouldn’t exist in him based on Levi's personality and behavior throughout the series. In my opinion, Levi ought to associate sex with pain, shame, and violence; he does see it as an ordinary job—a means to an end. He should be desensitized to sex as a concept, but associates it personally with shame, sadness, and pain, possibly feeling disgust towards it. So it is highly likely that Levi in every stage of life following this experienced sexual repulsion (usually associated with high anxiety towards sex), a low libido, or a lack of sexual desire entirely.

From a trauma perspective, he could avoid sexual topics of conversation, sexual settings (i.e., brothels), or an array of things which are sexually suggestive or he as a child possibly associated with sex (i.e., cleavage, panties, specific touch). Similarly, he might avoid direct reminders or have a post-traumatic reaction to them, such as anxiety or flashbacks (i.e., the sound of a bed creaking, the sight of wet clothes).

Importantly, it can be concluded that sexual violence was often exhibited, and the idea would be ingrained in him that sex, like everything else besides his relationship with his mother, is “give-and-take”, “victim-and-attacker”, and learn to be repulsed by intimacy. This impacts his willingness for later friendships and relationships as we’ll see later.

Early Abandonment & Early Exposure to Death

As Kuchel’s health deteriorated, Levi’s sense of security would break down. Availability of shelter, food, and emotional support would be even less secure than before. He might have been providing for Kuchel for some time, even, as it can be gathered that he received little to no help from those around him while she was sick. To whatever length he had to take responsibility and both fear for Kuchel, this would cement a sense of responsibility and guilt in him from the age of just four years old.

He will fail to save her—regardless of the fact that that’s not his responsibility in the first place; a child wouldn’t understand that—and then lose her with nothing he could do to even cushion the blow.

How powerless he must’ve felt. How hopeless. How likely is it that Levi found comfort in joining her? A child his age wouldn’t be able to comprehend death, basing our understanding on Piaget’s theory of cognitive development. To summarize, at the age of six or seven, children aren’t capable of complex, abstract thought like death or the finality of it. But Levi had to learn early.

AOT ch69

This will be center in his “clean-freak” tendencies later.

Adolescence

Most of this section is going to be rather vague again, but we already got the bulk of that over with in childhood!

Emotional Train Wreck / Lack of Identity

It’s hard to notice if you’re not paying attention, but in every scene we’re shown with Levi after his mother dies but before Kenny leaves, he’s wearing some variation of his mother’s one dress styled into a shirt. He loves her endlessly, even or especially in death. And part of cherishing her memory, to him, should’ve been taking after her as much as he could.

That’s how to explain why he didn’t become a cruel person (Kenny for instance) as he grew into a teenager, even though much of Levi’s outlook and behaviors come from him (ch57).

The more pertinent question is how extreme violence, reinforcement of the idea that that violence is power, and Kenny’s total (or most likely total) lack of communicated emotional connection affected him.

Levi would still desperately want that connection deep down, especially with his mother gone. This is a major reason why Levi sought to get stronger to please Kenny. For chronically abandoned people, that continues into adulthood and even beyond. A hole inside which can't be filled.

AOT ch69

Chronic loneliness—like I explained before—basically explains his aloof nature and awkward disposition. It’s not that Levi feels as detached as he looks, but he doesn’t know how to express himself or open up. He wouldn’t learn how to process his emotions, let alone talk about them. He’s basically emotionally stunted and immature in impersonal relationships (between friends and especially in regards to intimacy).

The Underground’s environment also makes him socially awkward, rude, of course stoic/not very expressive, and blunt. Levi was forced to become extremely observant of people to suss out their intentions, remaining vigilant of his surroundings at all times.

Levi doesn’t even get affection in any sense anymore. He doesn’t get a hug or a pat on the back, and he certainly doesn’t get a shoulder to cry on.

If anything, Kenny would punish him for showing weakness. Vulnerability is weakness; weakness is death.

What results is a continuous and boundless sense of emptiness inside that can’t be filled. He’s plagued by a chronic sense of unbelonging and loneliness. There’s no time or opportunity to develop “normally” as an adolescent. Socialization is limited at best; thinking of his place in the world is irrelevant when his one and only most pressing goal is survival; he doesn’t get to explore hobbies or interests.

OCD Propensity

One “interest” Levi is passionate about is cleaning, at least. Disease is what caused his mother to die. The easiest cause to point to would be their disgusting surroundings (although, Kuchel was infected by a customer). It is canon that Levi’s love of cleaning comes from "his personal experiences". In that interview, Levi first specifically references the important of fighting disease.

In other words, his "clean freak" nature comes, primarily, from the death of his mother: Filth -> disease -> death, and abandonment by extension.

His mother would’ve encouraged him to keep their room clean. There were times he or she had to have come down with something and dirtiness was the cause. On top of Kenny’s enforcement to keep up “clean” appearances to garner respect from everyone else in the Underground.

This in particular is extremely relevant to his mental health. When someone feels out of control of what is happening to them, especially in a recurring way, and especially as a child who doesn't yet know how to feel stable in an unstable environment, they look for something to control. It can be weight, bodily functions (blinking, breathing, etc), dominance over others, or cleaning, for instance.

Fear of disease, the urgent need to have control, and the basic need for stability makes it obvious that Levi would become obsessed with cleaning. And moreover, developing OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I’ll go deeper into this diagnosis later.

Lack of Self Worth

Despite the acknowledgment throughout canon that he trusts in his own strength, it wasn’t always that way.

Canonically, Levi sought praise from Kenny by showing his strength because that was the only thing he received praise for. The conclusion Levi came to once Kenny left him was that he wasn’t strong enough (wasn’t good enough) to warrant staying with him.

In conjunction, Levi’s first conclusion was that he did something wrong, not that Kenny possibly had some obligation that forced him to leave the Underground, pointing again to his own lack of self-worth.

This scenario created a complex in him, the very root cause of Levi’s pain, the very foundation of what Levi would go on to prioritize in adulthood. If he isn’t useful to those he wants not to abandon him, he’s worthless. He’s only useful when he shows his strength. Every other aspect of him like his interests is either irrelevant or bland by default in his eyes.

He would go on to make it his mission to try his best to be good enough in order to save and protect the lives of others, but foremost those he cares about.

Young Adulthood

Our first exposure to Levi as an adult is in A Choice with No Regrets, his OVA/backstory.

(By the way, I’ll be basing this analysis off a mix of the manga and the OVA.)

Emotional Immaturity/Affective Dysregulation

Generally, Levi’s defining negative character trait as a young adult is his emotional immaturity/anti-social behavior. Yes he’s grumpy and rude which is always indicative of him, but he’s very quick to anger, too. He cursed at the Squad Leader who offended him (by assuming that because he, Isabel, and Farlan are from the Underground, they’d be dirty), and argued furiously with Farlan that he would kill Erwin—not because it was required for the job, but because he disrespected him—for a few examples.

ACWNR ch2

He tended to be arrogant, too. Such as when he ultimately called a Scout who had experience with the Titans stupid for telling Levi to hold his swords in a certain way. He spoke to every officer the same as he would anyone on the street, having a remarkable lack of basic respect for authority. He was insistent on distancing himself from the entire setting and structure of the Scouts as much as possible, both to not get attached, and he found their mission childish/foolish.

He’s rather selfish. There is nothing Levi cares about genuinely more than Isabel’s and Farlan’s lives and the job that will set them up with a good future. Farlan’s advice is the only one’s he takes and the only judgment outside himself that he considers, such as when Farlan asks him to not cause trouble with authority to keep a low profile, but even then he acts stubborn. Levi trusts nobody wholeheartedly except himself (until later in ACWNR).

There’s a cognitive dissonance in him. Growing up, and still as a young adult, Levi’s headspace is marked by fear and uncertainty, with his power as his source of confidence. The first time he kills a Titan (with Isabel and Farlan), he uses too much gas because he refuses to potentially risk his friends’ lives; when the expedition is upcoming, he abruptly tells Farlan and Isabel to find a reason to stay back, and that he’ll complete the dangerous part of the job on his own.

Levi is full of repressed fear and uncertainty. He hides and/or buries all of it for the sake of self-preservation both emotionally and physically.

Antisocial Personality…?

It’s extremely interesting how a character as selfless, heroic, and empathetic as Levi exhibits antisocial symptoms. I’d even argue that if his childhood was spent entirely without his mother figure, then he might be a dictionary definition of ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder).

People with this disorder live day-to-day under the constant assumption that whoever is around them is “out to get them”/searching for a weakness to exploit. Humanity is made up of only prey and predators; morals are completely subjective, perpetuated by the society that surrounds them. This constant need to defend oneself, the effect of the exact trauma the potential sociopath experienced, combined with a muted emotional spectrum, results in a complete disregard of everything, including people outside of themself. They might believe they’re entitled to comfort or admiration, but overall, they’re intensely self-serving, often aggressive, and ruthless.

Because Levi for instance learned to rely on violence both for “love” and survival, then he might fall on violence to manipulate a person or situation into serving himself. I see reason to believe that Levi could have grown into worse than Kenny’s image if it weren’t for his mother’s influence.

However, the greatest cause for deniability is Levi’s wide emotional spectrum (especially including empathy and shame), while a lack of shame is the most significant marker of ASPD . (It is arguably one of many testaments to his strength that a victim of so much suffering, violence, and cruelty could become a man as empathetic as him.)

However, these tendencies may still be relevant: A sense of arrogance—both to the way Levi thinks of some who he perceives as weak and live without good morals—lacking issue with using deceit or violence to attain a goal, and living outside the rule of authority.

I go into more detail about this idea here.

Conclusion

As is true in general, there’s very little to say of mental development once someone has reached their early–mid-twenties. What we know of Levi’s young adulthood does reinforce his fear of abandonment, but he finds a cause where his strength and compassion can be “put to good use” and give to him a life that is worth living.

Conclusion: the ‘Present’/Diagnoses Overview

C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Levi’s emotional dysregulation (i.e., inability to sit with and process negative emotions), his difficulties in relationships, insomnia, negative worldview, absent sense of self, and finally, his persistent sense of unworthiness/worthlessness are all indicative of C-PTSD. It’s distinct from PTSD in that he didn’t endure one short-term traumatizing event, but he grew up surrounded by trauma and saw it as normal (e.g., gang violence, extreme poverty, death of a parent, (more presumably) physically and emotionally abusive parental figure). Levi as a child developed no understanding of a nurturing, secure environment.

Negative/Absent Sense of Self

I’ve talked about this at length already, but it’s worth noting how Levi’s perception of himself must have changed when it was revealed that he is extremely strong physically not from his own efforts as much, but because he’s an Ackerman.

His self-confidence and self-worth have always been built on the foundation of his strength. He’s useful if he’s strong, so he’s worthy if he’s strong. Along with the extreme high pressure his goal to kill Zeke put on him in season four, he might have gone to extreme measures to compensate for his strength he might have felt was “unearned” (such as excessive exercise for example). This is an aside, but it was a blow to him for sure.

Emotional Dysregulation

The causes of emotional dysregulation generally which he experienced are as follows: early childhood trauma, feelings ignored, judged, or invalidated at a young age, and physical and emotional child neglect. Beyond his first four years of life with his mother, Levi experienced all these things (early exposure to sex and likely exposure to domestic violence aside).

It’s important to focus on emotional neglect specifically, when any and all perceived “weakness”, no matter how small, is unacceptable to Levi. He will never ask for help (being independent to a fault), he can’t define or process his emotions, and it doesn’t occur to him—and it could be a shock—when he learns that his friends care about him, not him insofar as how useful he is.

As an adult, Levi appears to be emotionally mature, but I argue that this isn’t the case. It’s more accurate to say that he has better control over his emotions (in that he buries them or ignores them) with a mature outlook because of all his experiences with suffering.

Similarly, he’s not outwardly emotional not because he’s antisocial (as related to ASPD, not introversion), but because he’s so “emotionally constipated” that he’s numbed the vast majority of the time.

Relationship Issues + Fear of Abandonment

Because of his fear of abandonment and impaired emotional intelligence in close relational conflict, he’s extremely passive and/or passive aggressive. In order to avoid potential abandonment, he doesn’t go out of his way to win major arguments—such as threatening to break Erwin’s legs if he didn’t stay away from the expedition in season three, but ultimately giving in. He’s also more likely to sneak petty insults into arguments, give “silent treatment”, slam doors, etc. His kindness and exceptional empathy shouldn’t let him be physically or overly violent.

These are likely additions to why Levi doesn’t foster many close relationships.

Fittingly, as a child I thought that Levi might have had an anxious attachment style (clingy, excessive need for security), but as this possibility for security was removed entirely, and he was taught to not rely on others, he would develop more of an overt avoidant attachment in adulthood in combination (fearful-avoidant): making very few emotional demands—even though he has needs—withdrawing when there’s conflict, acting aloof yet fearing abandonment, having difficulty expressing emotions he feels intensely, and fear of depending on someone else.

Anxiety

His cool-headedness even in the heat of battle/war (other factors like experience aside) is exactly what you would expect from someone diagnosed with C-PTSD; he’s accustomed to chronic high-stress. But small stressors (i.e., a change of plans) are overwhelming and make him quick to anger/excessive annoyance.

OCD

Emotional dysregulation is also closely associated with OCD.

OCD is much much more than being concerned with keeping clean or organized. OCD is an anxiety disorder composed of anxiety-related obsessions and compulsions, such as frequent and disturbing thoughts or images (intrusive thoughts). These attempt to be managed through rituals (i.e., handwashing, counting in patterns). Although symptoms will fluctuate with anxiety, OCD at its baseline is a distressing disorder.

Since he was young, Levi should have had an incessant need to be in control at all times. A shining example of this is his mother’s death, an incident he couldn’t control but included dirtiness/disease as a cause he could pinpoint, so this anxiety with dirtiness becomes a major obsession, and the compulsion is cleaning. (Putting aside the fact that Levi enjoys cleaning by itself too.)

It’s a widely-held belief that if Levi has OCD, it’s contamination OCD, as it specifically has to do with an obsession with dirtiness and a compulsion in cleaning (i.e., damaging handwashing, ritualized bathing that may take hours). However, based on the multitude of times Levi was covered in blood and remained unbothered by it (Titan and human), and in fact the obsession’s lack of relevance entirely during urgent missions/situations, contamination OCD is simply not plausible. Instead, it’s general OCD.

There’s no way to know for sure, but I don’t see his OCD as mild or severe. Levi is an extremely orderly and balanced person, so it can be concluded he must have things done a certain way, routinely, organizational, or planned; when the dirtiness is “negative” (i.e., Titan blood, blood on a knife he used to kill Isabel’s attackers), he is never more rigid with cleanliness; it’s probable he suffers intrusive thoughts (likely of the violent nature), a fear of contamination, and/or counting ritualistically, but the most obvious compulsion is cleaning. He might have sensory issues, such as disgust if he happens to brush shoulders with a stranger; aversion to particularly bright lights, irrational rage towards “mouth sounds” (i.e., chewing, coughing, swallowing), etc.

EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified)

Levi should have a complicated relationship with food to say the least.

In the realm of eating disorders, EDNOS is sort of a catch-all term when an individual doesn’t qualify for the diagnostic criteria of anorexia or bulimia, and it encompasses lesser-known eating disorders like Pica. It’s the most common diagnosis for clinical eating disorders.

I already covered how integral the early years of life are, and beginning at a young age, if children aren’t given a basic need like food, and they must seek out food on their own, it becomes an anxiety deeply rooted in the brain regardless of how well-fed they are when they’re older. There will always be an urge to have food available. Levi’s years in the Underground were spent either actively starving, or going about every single day having acquiring food as top priority. He was a young adult when he left, so it’s impossible to unlearn this (without extensive therapy, which Levi doesn’t seek). It’s similar to compulsions found in OCD: even though he logically knows that there will be a dinner after lunch, it’s impossible to put aside this worry.

That may mean always having food stashed, eating too much—especially in his early years Aboveground when he’d eat as much food in a day than he’d eat in a week Underground— stealing food, or eating way too quickly (as someone who lived in a place where food was considered something of a luxury resource and threatened being stolen at any time).

The latter factor contributes to Levi’s suggested preference to only eat alone—joining the fact that Levi only eats with Erwin after expeditions. Eating in front of others should be considered a weakness to him.

As time passes with this easy access to food, combined with his extremely narrow sense of what makes him “good enough”, his relationship with eating may become toxic. Especially when the stakes of his worthiness are so high—literally life and death. He may think that he’s privileged to eat at all, and when he feels worthless, he restricts himself from that “privilege”.

He may be so accustomed to the feeling of hunger, that it doesn’t immediately register with his mind when he is hungry.

Lastly, he may have a generally low appetite. This is often associated with depression, but depression is comorbid with C-PTSD.

Misc.

Some tangents/miscellaneous speculation about Levi’s psychology:

Queer?

Sexuality is formed and shifts due to a wide variety of factors, which most if not all are terribly understudied: genetics, hormones, and your environment/experiences. So again, my speculation.

With his fear of close relationships and negative experiences with sex, I think he should land somewhere on the queer spectrum, specifically under the asexual or aromantic umbrella (i.e., pansexuality/being panromantic (attraction to personality) and demisexuality/being demiromantic (attraction only to those he has an emotional connection to)).

MDD

The odds of Levi having MDD (major depressive disorder/clinical depression) are iffy. Most if not all of the symptoms are comorbid with childhood trauma and C-PTSD: Such as persistent apathy, guilt, and/or discontent; sleeping too much or too little; lack of energy; reduced or heightened appetite; irritability.

Oftentimes, depression, C-/PTSD, and related mental illnesses cause unexplained physical pain, such as back pain and occasional tension headaches. “Stress hormones” like adrenaline are built-up in the body, and usually persist without physical therapy and-or medication (Disclaimer this mention is based on nothing more than Levi always standing with at least one hand on his hip).

Body Language

Similar can be said of his body language from a cognitive perspective. The vast majority of the time, Levi has himself closed-off in some way, usually by crossing his arms to protect his chest; a subconscious barrier between oneself and another person.

Also see this official art of Levi asleep.

Afterword

We’ve known it’s not just Levi’s physical strength and skill that makes him the strongest, right? It should take immense mental strength to make it day-by-day dealing with the trauma and issues that he does, but not only has he survived and continues to, but he lives heroically, selflessly, with the wellbeing of everyone around him as a top priority. He buries all of his pain by moving forward always and without exception regardless of how painful the present is. Living with “no regrets” should in mental respects be a guise for pushing his trauma down, too; there’s just no words that can properly do Levi’s resilience justice.

Part of me wants to go into detail about his later adulthood, but given how very little we know (right now), I think it’d be too speculative.

However, based on what we have seen at the ending of AOT, it’s comforting to know and plain to see that Levi wasn’t defeated when he “lost” the reason to be so strong, and even his strength itself; he didn’t lose his love for his friends nor of life.

In middle age, based on Erikson’s psychosocial stages, the conflict that should enter Levi’s life is the idea of generativity versus stagnation. He seems satisfied with his life despite the negative effects of all he went through—grief, physical disability, inevitable mental scarring—and he’s still concerned with helping others, especially the younger generation in a world after the overwhelming devastation that was the Rumbling.

My speculated psychopathologies/diagnoses of Levi:

C-PTSD (insomnia prevalent)

OCD (contamination obsessions)

EDNOS

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genderkoolaid · 2 months

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i find this so interesting. on multiple levels. i actually agree that there are trans people who use the language of "gender is fake" while still relying on the idea that gender is not a construct. i mentioned this in another post but we have a problem with conflating our choice in labels with the experiences we use them to express. and then ofc there are people who still follow the medical model of being trans which uses shit like "brainsex."

but i find the comparison w christianity interesting because of the assumption that "full" or "true" belief is an objective measurement. there are plenty of people who identify as christian and perform as christians but don't "truly" believe. and i'm not even talking about hypocrites! there are agnostic + atheist christians who find community in christianity and/or find it valuable philosophically. same as most other religions. because, like gender, things don't have to be Scientifically Real to be worthwhile. its fully possible to acknowledge that gender is fake (so is sex btw <3) and still find value in gender identity. laws being a social construct doesn't mean there can never be value is having an agreed upon set of rules. the only thing recognizing social constructs inherently asks us imo is to interact w those constructs knowing that they are always being recreated.

anyways. transness Exists as a scientific fact. in that there is clearly a common experience had by homo sapiens. partaking in culture is not diametrically opposed to "nature" we are social animals social construction is our nature! this is why social + physical transition works for many. its just smth humans naturally experience. the best argument terfs can make with this information is that identification w sex constructs exclusively is what is the most politically useful thing we can do, but at best this obscures how much influence gender identity has over society & pressures intersex & transsexual people to put themselves in a binary that cannot accurately discuss their experiences even if they are willing to admit that sex is a construct.

#m.

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gallus-rising · 3 months

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i need someone more articulate and well-versed in the topic(s) to talk about how Kabru's upbringing contributed to the way he somewhat treats other people like things to be studied

he describes Milsiril as raising orphaned short-lived children "as a hobby" which is already kind of fucked up + other elves accuse her of treating them like pets. i don't think that's quite true since we know that elves generally treat tallmen/half feet like perma-babies, and Milsiril is somewhat ostracized from elven society, so there's reasons for them to talk shit about her. but also Milsiril isn't free from prejudice and she's clearly traumatized from her time w the canaries. she smothers Kabru (and her other children) because she's been hurt and doesn't want them to go thru that, which is an unhealthy way to be raised irl, and because of the lifespan difference + her own prejudices acts like they'll never really grow up. no matter her best intentions Kabru grew up 1: being treated like a precious forever-baby to be protected for the harsh world and 2: hearing from other elves, his caretaker's primary social circle whether she liked it or not, that Milsiril viewed him like a weird pet. he's been treated like a Specimen most of his life so ofc other people are, too

and ofc this is all in addition to how i think Kabru is predisposed to Studying other people. he has Good Masking and Very Social autism vs Laois' Poor Masking and Bad Social Skills autism. it's just. the way your upbringing influences how you interact w the world! generational trauma! particularly how it compounds with the needs of neurodivergent children! working to break the cycle! rattling the bars of my cage!!

#dungeon meshi #kabru #*furious pecking*#ok i'm done for the night

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alpaca-clouds · 9 months

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The Nature-Culture Divide

Something I have seen a lot of people within the Solarpunk sphere talk about and wonder is: "When did we stop seeing ourself as something outside of nature?" And given that I actually had a module on that (Social Geography, best module I ever had, given we had an anarchist professor!) I thought I could quickly explain this one.

So, the names come, in the end, from Latin and back when those words were considered in Latin, the difference was, that nature was a thing that was innate, while culture had volition behind it. You could change nature into culture by putting work into it.

Something that might surprise you is, that the idea of nature then was never quite big for most of European history. And let me make one thing clear: While we have these ideas also played with in Buddhist culture - especially in East Asia - the way we define it right now is a Western idea.

And that idea... Well, that idea came with colonialism. The thing many do not realize is, how much of the rules and "lines in the sand" that we use in our culture came from colonialisation, came from the desire to make "our" culture different from "theirs". It is shown in the way we eat, in the way we raise children, in the way we view gender and sexuality. And, yes, in the artificial border between nature and culture.

Before I tell you more about this, let me please say here: Yes, this is contradictive. I am aware of it. I am not the one who came up with the contradiction. White settlers did that all on their own.

When the settlers came to America they found a landscape very, very different from what they were used to from Europe. After all, Europe has been changed through human hand for at that point about 1600 years. (And for you Europeans out there: Researching how much forest your local area might have lost through the Romans is always a "fun" thing to do! Because the Romans destroyed a lot of European ancient forests.) In Europe, even at the wildest places, there was usually some evidence of human habitation - but this was not true for the Americas. Not because there were no people there, but rather because the people interacted with the environment very differently.

See, the European idea - while never quite that defined until this point - was really, really based on this thought that nature can be turned into culture. And that this transformation was in fact a good thing to happen. So, when the settlers arrived in the Americas they did not see "culture" there, only "nature" and set out to turn that "nature" into "culture".

Of course, we - modern people living today - do realize that indigenous people had in fact cultures of all sorts and that the actual difference was, that they just did not see that culture as something different from nature, rather than a part of it. Because their culture had not been influenced by Romans. But the settlers back then did not see this or rather did not want to see this. So they "cultured" the land, with the ideas about nature and culture being further formalized at that point.

It kinda stayed like this until the late 19th century, when Madison Grant, the originator of eco fascism came to be influencial. And now he saw something that the settlers until this point were unable to see: The indigenous people do stuff with the nature around them! They change it! For example through controlled burning of forests and things like that.

And this made Madison Grant very angry, because he was very much off the opinion that nature should be "unsoiled" by human hands. So... he made sure that those indigenous people got once more pushed out of the areas they were living, with the same areas being declared natural parks and no longer interfered with by humans (except, of course, all the tourists who destroyed it bit by bit). Leading... To a lot more wild fires.

So, where does this leave us in terms of the culture/nature divide?

Well, the idea has been there since ancient Rome and has very much influenced how much we view nature as its own thing. But within Rome nature was still not quite seen as the opposite of culture - as one could turn into the other. Under the Roman view an abandoned house or a field that was no longer cared for would turn back into nature, while anything could become culture just by interacting with humans.

The modern view really came through colonialism and the way colonialist did not understand (and did not want to understand) indigenous practices. This made people more and more drift towards the understanding of humans being an entirely different thing from nature.

But this is wrong, of course. We are part of nature. We are just animals with fingers and slightly larger brains. And many indigenous cultures understood this. In the end it was the greed of some that made us loose this connection to nature. And that is exactly why we are in this climate change related mess right now.

#solarpunk #history #culture #nature #culture-nature divide #colonialism #anti colonialism #indigenous knowledge #indigenous people #national parks

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5-7-9 · 9 days

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(Disclaimer: i am ignoring every part i found stupid or unnecessary. Also i have a picture limit 😔)

Duke obviously met Batman/Wayne first but I’m skipping that. So he met Alfred secondly, in an uncharacteristic particular way. (As much as I’m confused as to why Alfred, someone who’s against Bruce being Batman would employ child soldiers himself, and I believe in the self motivated movement of children, this is technically canon).

Alfred made a deal with Duke to do vigilantism and he’d help him do it (he also promised to help find his parents but Duke managed it himself). Alfred saved WAR from an Owl assassin with a tank. WAR was very distrusting of being lead by a mysterious man, so they eventually stopped listening after they stopped a school shooting Alfred ordered not to. Eventually Duke reveals he figured out Alfred’s identity, linking back to Duke’s puzzle solving trait. Now the Robins: Dick’s first interaction with Duke is him chastises children wearing his symbol. Dikc, speaking like the truly privileged man he is, acts like WAR is childish for trying to help out. Now, is WAR irresponsible? Yes. Solid advice although ominous. It’s just extremely impersonal to their feelings and lives and motivations.

Since the first interaction Duke ever has with the other Robins, it was Damian that had a very particular dynamic. Damian hated the We Are Robins movement.

If you don’t already know, Damian’s primary characterization is his insistence that he must inherit his honour. One of primary reasons why he takes up the Robin mantle is because he believes it is his right to do so.

Another interesting dynamic was Jason’s and Tim’s reaction to WAR

Notably, Jason Todd was fully on board for WAR on the basis of it’s outside influence from Batman. Understandable considering Jason’s tense relationship from Batman, and his anti-hero status. Tim Dranke on the otherhand, doesn’t have any say to WAR’s existance, as his opinion is interrupted by mentioning Dick’s plot. Or more likely, he doesn’t have an opinion to comment on, which is why he only mentions facts of like the location of where the Robins are.

Again, Jason Todd is extremely supportive of WAR and Damian is not (inbred is a bit much 💀). But Tim Drake still insists on trying to better understand the WAR children, taking a neutral and outsider understanding of the situation. Tim does not support WAR immediately. In fact, despite Tim’s insistence to understand WAR, he never gets the chance to.

This the last and only time Tim ever even tries talking with WAR, during a sneak in. Apparently he couldn’t have done this during his time training the Robins, but doing it while working is fine. His terrible conversation starter gets interrupted, and that is the last and only time Drake ever tries connecting with WAR. Apparently monitoring their private lives was not enough information, all he knows is somebody can play the piano. So much for trying. (Tom King wrote this part tho, so I feel he was supposed to be the one to make it happen, which didn’t happen, so Tom did a horrible job). (I’m ignoring the scene where Tim downplays Izzy because Izzy was OOC).

Dami beat up the WAR members and agitated them into battle. Another show of Dami’s honor culture, but what was so fascinating was how Duke and the WARs fought back to prove themselves although not wishing to fight.

Skipping to when Dami and Duke get captured, they funnily enough get put into the same cage as Duke insults Dami in his mind while having a reasonable outer dialogue which i found fun.

Despite the weird court of owl part, Duke’s dialogue was a great way to finish off the tension between the official Robins and the WARs. Duke realizes how personal Robin is to Dami, how the symbol is not just about justice, but the ties to Batman it comes with. Y’know what Duke does? He cuts it off. He refuses to sacrifice himself to become a symbol.

They end off on good terms after that. With Dami reclaiming the title of Robin (and WAR’s disbandment), the conflict is gone. But I think it’s worth noting just how much Dami’s influence on Duke’s view of Robin might’ve been. Being Robin kinda sucks. So out of pity, Duke realizes Dami needs some loving support.

(Not a batfam kid but she was in here and I’m working by chronological order). Kate and Duke have a small interaction but they definitely met. Plus I think Duke was retconned to have known Luke through his dad and I think that’s a great addition.

Skips ahead where Jayson seems to train with Duke, their sass competitions tho 💀 Also, Jayson considers Duke as one of his brothers 😆

Classic Alfred advice talks

(You’ll notice that the writers decided to skip showing Duke’s development, this is why we need fanfiction thanks). Basically, Duke started hanging out with Cass for seemingly no reason, but they are a really fun dynamic. Plus Duke got to know Babs first through Cass. (I'm ignoring when Riko met Babs as batgirl and when Babs as batgirl defended WAR cheerfully).

Cass and Duke also train together (i really like the illustrator here aaaaaaaaa Duke and Cass are so cute here 🥺).

This storyline was bad but it really pushed Cass and Duke together as Cass was there when Duke got his new shadow powers and Duke was there when Shiva was being a jerk to Cass for some reason?? They coordinated attacks as a duo so that was nice. Plus, Duke thinks of Cass as his sis. (Is this specifically catered to me? Yeah, yeah…. I’m tots falling for the putting the minorities together thingy like a sucker, but themmmmmmmm!!! 🥹)

Duke and Kate actually teamed up in action once (offhandedly 😔) so that’s neat.

(Hold on I reached my picture limit but there’s a part 2)

#Duke thomas #we are robin #batfam #dick grayson #Jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #barbara gordon #cassandra cain #cassandra wayne #kate kane #luke fox #alfred pennyworth #long post #canon #comic panels

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tocomplainfriend · 5 months

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I'm glad people are talking about Alastor's use of voodoo being a problem, but I really think we need to go a little deeper with him. Alastor is meant (or at least created) to be a w*ndigo (an evil spirit originating in precolonial North America/Canada, censoring out of respect/ I don't want to call this thing to me). His deer motif and cannibalism are evidence of this, as well as his role in Zoophobia, which was a lot closer to the folklore.

I know he was technically made before The Princess and the Frog but I don't remember ever seeing him interact with voodoo before this film. This and his whole song in the pilot being heavily influenced by Dr Facilier makes it feel like the use of voodoo was slapped onto his character on a whim (also using real voodoo symbols/sigils is just so disrespectful, esp with how Alastor is presented, but thats been pointed out before so I won't get into it)

So in short, Viv really took two unrelated misunderstood cultures and butchered them with the same character. In cannon Alastor is literally a voodoo practicing w*ndigo (who is a radio host??). I don't know how she even connected those dots. Its baffling.

Yeah, it feels just like that. Thank you for mentioning the w-ndigo stuff, haven't heard about it! Searching a bit for it, I do find a lot of people making fan art of Al as the w-ndigo. He does have these appearances in the big horns, Al shows in the pilot, comic, and new series. Don't know much of Zoophobia.

I do not know much about it- I have heard more about sk-nwalkers for example...

If anyone that knows about the topic wants to share, you can comment or reblog! Or even share in the inbox Anon or otherwise!

#vivziepop critique #vivziepop critical #helluva boss critique #hazbin hotel criticism #helluva boss criticism #hazbin hotel critique #helluva boss critical #hazbin hotel critical

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maukiki-but-cringefail · 4 days

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YGESSSSS. NEW BSB ENJOYER FOUND. who is your favorite character if i may ask... i have like atleast 5 but kai is at the top i think. sometimes i think about this image and i'm like "my god what the fuck even is that". one of the guys of all time

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT” LMFAOOO no because thats exactly what my friend said when they saw yuriy KEDBJSBSGWJW. What is. Wrong with his eyebrows....looking like a creature…a bug with antannae perhaps….

BUT MY FAVORITE IS MAX‼️‼️‼️hes been my fav ever since i started watching it love him… my second favorite is kai probably though LOL. I can tell hes one of those fan favorite characters right🤔usually characters like him are… not a bad thing just an observation lol. Metal fight beyblade was the beyblade show i had known my entire life and was a big fan of so i wanted to see the other beyblade shows with it and for some reason i watched beyblade burst before bakuten shoot ????? Yeah that 7 season show i only liked the very first season of… the rest was so boring and for some reason i forced myself to watch it by using it as background noise😭

idk why i didnt give up and watch bakuten instead, took me too long lmfao. Th reason why i mentioned metal fight is that since i knew that show my entire life i had certain expectations on certain type of characters (ik bakuten came first but metal couldve been influenced by it and it was bcs there are similarities lol) (i mean king [from bakuten] looks almost identical to dynamis [from mfb] <- thats just one example) so i thought, while i was watching season 1, Kai Hiwatari was gonna be like Kyouya Tategami where hes with the team yes but doesnt see himself as a part of it and is there for himself only bcs hes a loner or whatever but then that thing at the end of the season happened he became a part of the team and the didnt have random unnecessary off screen character regression like kyouya did in the next 2 seasons (and also isnt an asshole abt it like when he left temporarily to battle takao in g revulotion he wasnt like “fuck you dumbass” like kyouya did basically 😭😭)….

That was so refreshing to see bcs thats not what i was expecting and thank god it exceeded my expectations 😭 thats why i keep saying kai is kyouya done right bcs he kinda is…. Though i find it funny when hes just standing in the background w his arms crossed or laying on the grass like damn bro wants to be cool so bad (not as cool as the frame of rei kon absolutely BALLING)

Said max is my favorite and talked about kai the entire time LOL no but he’s my fav i love that guy EXCEPT. the fact that. He likes mayonnaise… idgaf if its ur style mayonnaise is disgusting im disappointed in you max…..

I also like Yuriy who also seems to be a fan favorite from what ive seen which i expected but i like him in a way like, hes so funny to me. Bro walkin around with bug antannae and the worst posture youve ever seen. Why is he built like that. Fucking thing. Also big fan of the weird ass sht he does in g revulotion when doing special moves hes got CLAWS hell yeah. No bcs no one elses looks like dat when they do it⬇️ as a certified creature fan i can proudly confirm this, indeed, is one of the creature moments of all time.

⬆️i remember seeing this frame before watching the show and thinking what could possibly be the context behind this LMFAO . Shoutout to Rei kon for also being a creature big fan of the pointy ears and slit orange eyes (v force when i catch you v force)

I dont know peoples opinions of daichi but he seems like the type of character ppl might hate for being annoying but i like him bcs he reminds me of me and my brother when we were little (im the younger sibling) bcs every interaction between takao and daichi reminded me of us LMFAO 10/10 sibling dynamic (better than takaos actual brotha😬)

N lemme see if i have any kai screenies i took cauze i took a sht tonna screenshots

I was gonna capriin thwm but idk how to write inbetween them so im typing them here

First pic - already has a caption

Second pic - ths shit makes me laugh everytime im so glad people are not hesitant to resort to violence in this saga

Third pic - V force jumpscare

Fourth pic - what is he listening to . Do you guys think Kai Hiwatari would like Yuno Miles

Fifth pic - one…..one piece…..

Sixth pic - they forgot to colour teh pack of his hair lol

Seventh pic - no need for a caption. What is that

Last pic - he. Smirks like an animal. Idk how to explain it but, he smiles like how an animal or an ailen trying to do it for the first time would do it

I will read the manga soon i have physical copies of the first 4 volumes and ill find the rest on the net bcs bakuten media is so much easier to find that mfb is THANK GOD. I will also be looking up shitty 13 yr old amv s and yall better have sum real 2011 sht

#beyblade #bakuten shoot beyblade #bakuten shoot #beyblade bakuten shoot #g revulotion #beyblade g revulotion #g revulotion beyblade #v force beyblade #v force #beyblade v force #bsb #kai hiwatari #max mizuhara #max tate #yuriy ivanov #tala valkov

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dr3amofagame · 3 months

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yeah like cdream is someone who is not very good talking and has problems with communication, he never was someone that made other characthers want to follow him and stuff and sometimes was a dick but the thing it's how people just used him being reserved to talk over him and stripping him out of his autonomy and humanity and treating him like less than a animal

like ... to be fair to people, dream was dogshit at communicating for like, a lot of the server. he really didn't let anyone on that things bothered him until pressed, and then when pressed framed things in practical objective ways that made him come off more authoritative than bothered by the way he was treated. really, honestly, it's not even until like, around the exile conflict where he's communicating at all abt his feelings and by then he's also lying half the time and purposefully crafting a dishonest mask of himself to project towards people to make them think that he's a crazy murderous person that has to be locked away? and also was losing his whole mind.

even if we look at stuff like, lmanburg, isn't it telling that the only people he's talking about being bothered by lmanburg to is ... like, skeppy. or being upset abt his houses being bulldozed and griefed to sapnap and george. he's not really made it a habit of communicating to other people, especially the people that are doing the things that are bothering him, that he's you know. got an issue with it? and when he does do that communication it's like, stuff like "give me back the things you stole immediately. or i kill your pets" ASKFJLAS like

like, and even then, right, c!dream still had quite a lot of friendly interactions with people on the server? i wouldn't say he was all around hated early on--but he was seen as someone kind of unpredictable, kind of Weird As Hell, kind of morally eeeeh with lmanburg's influence on his reputation. He was the big bad in lmanburg but mostly he was just, a guy that was around and could sometimes give you lots of shit and could sometimes be kind of a dick. like it's just--there's a lot w/ c!dream where people did stuff that freaked him out not really meaning to, because there's a sort of trophy-like nature attributed to THEEE dream, and then c!dream didn't exactly communicate either and would sometimes play into people's assumptions there, but overall the balance of it all was sustainable and people generally were able to interact peacably (or at least, solve their disputes so they wouldn't be permanent issues) until manberg/pogtopia up to november 16th really had everything get really serious for everyone in a short period of time. between the revive book's effects on c!dream's, everything, and the way that manberg/pogtopia is really the nail in the coffin for his reputation (and you know, a natural consequence of his guy not telling anyone shit except for apparently like the people he absolutely shouldn't have been telling shit? and also literally DIED???) and just everyone being a mess after the whole debacle, things just...snowballed out of control in a way that they couldn't really re-settle back to being normal the way they had before

#my asks !!#like look he's just really really bad at talking to people literally always

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inniessick · 1 year

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You Promised To Protect Me, After All. / Yang Jeongin

Parings: nonidol!yang jeongin x fem!reader

Word Count: 7.4k

Fic Warnings: this is complete and utter filth. refer to series warnings, its literally just smut on smut on smut, i'm disgusting.

Series Warnings: angst, dark content, smut, fluff??, yandere themes (stalking, narcissistic behavior, mental manipulation, overprotective/possessive, deceptive, lying, killing people and talk of killing people, physical violence <not to reader>, unhinged!innie), general violence warning <no physical abuse towards reader>, talk of past abusive relationship (insinuated, not in depth, literally like one line), kissing????, degradation (sexual/not sexual), dominant innie (sexual/not sexual if that makes sense), dom/sub dynamics, very lowkey perv!innie, manhandling, cussing, names (bitch, whore, slut, cumdump <argue w the wall>, baby, babe, princess, my love/love/lovey, sweetheart, darling, babygirl, pretty/ innie, jeonginnie, jeong, sir), size kink, fingering, oral (f/m), cumplay??, hickeys/lovebites, consensual even if not outright stated, choking, begging, hair pulling, spitplay, face fucking, overstimulation, edging, orgasm denial, spanking, tummy bulge..., cervix kissing, mayhaps breeding kink idk, dumbification, unprotected sex (pls dont do this), let me know if missed anything or used a confusing term!

likes reblogs and feedback are appreciated ♡

18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

BY CLICKING READ MORE YOU ARE CONSENTING TO READING DARK CONTENT, SMUT, ANGST AND/OR ALL WARNING LISTED ABOVE

Part one / Part two / Part three < coming soon...

you are reading part two of the series...

"Your lips are really soft..." "So are yours." "I like how it feels." Looking up at him, you never wanted to stop kissing him, it was euphoric. Like you needed to feel him. "I like you." "You make me feel safe." "You'll always be safe with me." "Promise?" "Swear, I'll do anything to keep you safe." You leaned up, begging for him to kiss you one more time, longer, passionately. You wanted to be his.

This kiss was exactly that, it was passionate, sloppy, warm. You could feel it all over your body, sparking each cell. "We should stop.." He mumbled into this kiss, you pulled away. "Are.. you not comfortable?" He cupped the sides of your face, "That's not it, baby. I am comfortable, I dont wanna get carried away." "Would that be such a bad thing, Innie?" You looked up him again, tugging oh so gently at the sweater he had on. "Lovey.." He grabbed your hand, holding it just tight enough to stop your movement, "I dont want to move too quickly, I want you to really understand that I care about you."

Alright, he was bullshitting you just a bit. Genuinely, he hadn't wanted to move too fast, he really really did want to build a relationship, that much is the truth. But he's also really not above getting his dick wet. He knew he needed to break you just a bit more, make you open up just around him, and crumble right into his arms. That was just the first step, he knew sleeping with you, as great as it would be, would put a bump in his plan. He had to think each action through. this was something he just knew he couldn't do yet, trying to reject your advances and make you open to him would be a challenge. There is one thing on his side throughout all of this, how dumb and naive you are. Few kisses here, touches there, and leading the conversation right where he wanted wouldn't be all that hard. You were easily influenced, especially by him. He wasn't taking advantage of your vulnerability around him, no! He's not like that, he's not evil or crazy. He was just... influencing you, that's all.

Now you began whining, "But I know you care about me... 'n I want you so bad Jeonginnie~." You tugged at his sweater again, harder this time, you had become impatient at this point. He grabbed both of your wrists, holding them in one hand before using the other to grab your jaw. "Youre gonna listen to me, kay? If you keep whining like a little brat I'll fuck it straight out of you. You won't like it, I'll make you cum so much youll be screaming at me to give you a break. So why dont you be a good girl when I'm talking to you. That sound good?" You were scared, seriously scared, but holy fuck that sure didn't help you, if anything it made your panties stick to your core more than they had been. "Yes sir, I'll listen and be good." "promise ill take care of you later, princess." he released your wrists, giving you a kiss on your lips. it certainly wasn't as long as you would've wanted, but you weren't ready for him to talk to you like that again, so you settled.

"Do you think we cuddle in my bed at least? You can tell me more about yourself. Promise I won't do anything bad." He chuckled at your statement, thankful his plan worked. "Yes baby we can do that." "Its just around the corner, 'm gonna change real quick though. make yourself comfortable." You grabbed a pair of shorts to change into, much more comfortable than the jeans we were wearing. You walked out of the bathroom, and he had taken off his sweater finally, of course for a totally different reason than what you had wanted. He was just sitting on your bed, looking around the room.

He had been getting a layout of your whole room, where did you hide things? Where could he hide things? What are your most valued items? Why did you fold your laundry but never hang it? He wanted to know it all, he'd figure it out eventually. Most people might think those small details mean nothing, but those are the ones that matter the most. All those small things play into a bigger personality trait, one that he might just be able to control. And all of those traits, played into an even bigger picture, the kind of person you are. Your morals, your attachment styles, emotional or rational, once he knew everything about you he could do whatever he wanted. That's why he paid so much attention. You were his, and he was going to make sure that if he had to, he could make you do anything. Now, dont get it wrong, he valued each thought you had. He lives to serve you, he truly believes that. But just in case, in case you ever try to leave or defy him, you simply won't have enough willpower. You already said you didn't have a lot, that's why it took you so long to leave your ex boyfriend, you were already weak willed. The thing he needed to figure out most was, just what exactly did your ex do to you? Depending on your answer, Jeongin may or may not have to go and take care of him. Anything to keep his lovey safe, and protected, right? It was all for you, at some point you'd thank him.

"I like what you've done with the space, your room looks really nice." "You like it?" Sitting down next to him on the bed, taking in everything once again, "It took me awhile to figure out where I wanted to put things but I got it down eventually." He knows, he had watched you rearrange your room 2 times since he first found out about you. "I think you did a great job," He patted the spot on your bed behind him, telling you to lay down, and of course you did. He followed, pulling you towards him, and engulfing you in his presence. You laid your face down on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, it was slow, calming. "So, you want to know more about me?" He was almost whispering, "Mhm, I wanna hear all about you. Wan' more reasons to like you." "Do you not have enough?" "I do, I just want more so I can pick a new reason every day forever. Never wanna run out." He laughed, you could feel it. "You're real cute. If that's the case, I can tell you about some things I did as a kid. i'll work my way through the years." He did exactly as he said, telling you about how he grew up wanting to be a priest, but straying from the idea after he became a teenager. he told you all about school, and how bad he was at it. You learned he was the middle child, and he has a passion for dancing. He mentioned later that he liked singing too.

"Have you ever been in any relationships, innie?" "Mhm, a few." He combed his fingers through your hair, answering all the questions you had. "Have... have you ever been in any bad ones?" "Not particularly, I had my fair share of good people who were just bad partners, but nothing too bad." "Mmm... I wish I had been like that." "You're talking about the relationship you mentioned at the cafe, arent you?" He was silently celebrating in his head, this was the perfect time, you'd spill everything to him and he'd be that much closer to his end goal. "Mhm.. dont wanna bother you about it..." "If you want to talk about i'll listen darling. Whatever you have to say, i'll listen. You know i'm here for you." He placed a kiss on the top of your head, squeezing your waist a bit. "You're not gonna be mad at me for talking about it?" Mad? At you? He could never be angry at you, he hated that you even had that thought in your head. "No baby, I won't be upset. if you're comfortable, I want you to tell me." "He was just a bad guy.. yelled at me a lot. never hit me... got close to it though." That fucker, he'd handle it later, he needed be here for you right now. "I'm sorry love." "He did a lot of mean things, took most of my money when I worked... would bring other girls home while I was there. Wouldn't go anywhere with me.. I felt alone all the time." You started to sniffle, tears welling in your eyes, you hadn't talked about this at all since you moved here.

It still bothered you, but you didn't have anyone until you met Jeongin. "Y/n.. dont cry babygirl, hate to see you upset like that." You had pulled yourself up, slightly away from him, wiping your eyes over and over trying not to let the tears fall in front of him. "C'mere pretty, stop doing that. its okay to cry, 'm not mad at you baby." You shook your head, unable to form a proper response. He moved towards you, picking you up and setting you in his lap. "You can lean on me lovey, i'm right here. Jeonginnie's here." You held onto him, sniffling and crying in his arms. You had been so upset, you didn't miss your ex by any means, especially now that you had Jeongin. But you were in that relationship for awhile, you had so many pent up emotions that you never talked about. Jeongin kissed your forehead, putting his hand right under your chin and making you look up at him. you looked so lovely even when you were crying, he never wanted to see you like this because of anyone else. you're only supposed to cry for him, about him, to him.

"Is there something I can do to help you, doll? I'll do whatever you want, give you anything." You didn't hesitate, you knew exactly what you wanted. "Wanna forget about it, want you to make me forget about it Jeonginnie.." he knew what you meant, and he would do it for you. he'd make sure he the only thing on your mind, you would only be thinking of him, not a single thought in your head except for him. He put one hand on your hip, the other at the nape of your neck, his fingers tangled in your hair. Then he was kissing you, and holy fuck did it feel good. It was everything you had wanted earlier, long, passionate, sloppy, hot, the euphoria hit you again. something about him that just made you feel so fucking good.

He had you on top of his thigh, the hand on your hip moving you against it while pushing you down slightly. He was making you ride his thigh, he set such a nice pace, the perfect amount of pressure. You involuntarily moaned into the kiss, he took that chance to slip his tongue in your mouth. You knew better than to fight it, you let him win, enjoying the newfound warmth. He moved his hand from your neck down to your waist, pulling away from you, a string of saliva connecting your lips. he planted wet kisses all along your jaw down to your neck. the hand on your waist moving to squeeze your thigh before going right under your shirt. you couldn't help but moan and whimper for him, begging for just a bit more pressure, just a little faster. He cupped your breast over your bra, moving his mouth close to your ear, "I'm giving you 2 minutes, make yourself cum on my thigh. If you can do that for me I promise i'll reward you," Your breath hitched, he took your lobe between his teeth lightly pulling before letting go, "and if you can't do that, im leaving. you won't be getting shit, not my fingers, not my mouth, and most certainly not my dick. get to work, clock starts now." His hand leaving your hip, the other coming out from under your shirt.

He meant it, he wasn't helping you at all, "Innie~ not fair, it's not enough, need you to help me." You tried your hardest, he had gotten you so close, and now forcing you to set the pace on your own? There was just no way. "Cum on my thigh, by yourself, and I wont make you do anything else tonight. You can touch me all you want, minute 'n a half left." He kept his hands on your knees, not offering anything for you. You needed to cum, you had to, not just because you wanted to feel good but because you needed Jeongin. You needed him to touch you, to help you, to fuck you so good you could forget everything. You held onto his right shoulder, leaning your head into his neck. You pushed yourself down on his thigh, grinding against it quicker, you could feel yourself getting closer again. "Minute left babygirl, you better hurry up." he tapped on your knee, god you were so fucking close. Maybe if he could just kiss you, or touch you somewhere, maybe you could do it. You were moaning his name, whimpering and bitching about how unfair he is. "such a- ahh.. fuck.. you're a meanie." "30 seconds love." You couldn't do it, you were right there, but you needed something. You needed him to do something to you, and then like he heard your prayers, he whispered right in your ear, "Don't you wanna be good and cum for me?" That's all you wanted, all you needed. You did exactly what he asked of you, tears almost forming because of how good it felt.

He gripped your thighs as they shook just slightly. "You dont have to do anything else, I got you, lift your arms up for me so I can take this shirt off." You listened to him, he unclipped your bra right after, running his hands over your chest causing you to say his name once again. He chuckled softly to himself, "I know." He laid you down on the bed, sliding your shorts off. "Look at you all spread out for me, my pretty girl." He climbed on top of you, he wanted to laugh at you. How small you looked right under him, he could do whatever he wanted and you wouldn't be able to stop him at all. it was nearly pitiful, your frail frame underneath him. He took it all in, he was gonna fuck you absolutely stupid. He was going to give you exactly what you wanted, you'd only be thinking about him and how good he felt in you.

"Ahh- Innie, pleasewait. still sensitive!" He cupped your cunt through your panties, rubbing your clit. it was all way too much, the thin damp cloth adding a whole different sensation. Maybe it would've been fine if you had time to calm down, but Jeongin was set on making you feel too good. "What do you want from me, baby?" "Need it..." "Need what, my love?" "Your fingers pleaseplease. I need it all- oh shit, haa... Innie, need you. You're supposed to help me~" "Its no fun when i'm not teasing you..." You bucked your hips again his hand, begging for something more. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down. You had whimpered in his ear, "Ahh- mm.. Jeonginnie... need your fingers in me so bad, wanna cum on 'em. won't you let me? Please Innie~, just wan' make you proud of me.. Mmph! fuck.." He knew you could feel him smirking against your neck, biting it softly. "Well, when you beg like that I have to say yes."

He slipped his hand into your panties. "So wet, it's all for me isnt it?" You moaned in response, as you felt his fingers push just slightly at your entrance. He wasn't pleased with you, you should know better than to ignore him when he asked you a question. He pulled away from your grasp, listening to you whine that he wasn't close to you anymore, and whining again when you felt his fingers retreat, the whine being cut short by a yelp as he slapped your clit. "You answer me when I ask you a question." He gripped your face, squishing your cheeks together, "Mmph! Jeonginnie.. won't mess up again, don't stop, need you~" "Atta girl, knew I could train you right." You were nodding your head as he rubbed circles on the sensitive bud after slapping it, you couldn't think. He gathered your slick onto his fingers before quickly pushing two in. "So, who made you this wet?" "You Innie, just for you, only you make me like this." He leaned down to kiss your lips, so very proud of your answer.

He kissed you jaw, made his way down your neck before reaching your tits. Flicking his tongue over the bud, before taking it into his mouth, one hand fucking into you, and the other grabbing at your other breast, rolling your nipple between his fingers. It was all so overstimulating, you couldn't make sense of any of it, you just knew he felt so fucking good. Putting your hand over your mouth, trying to control your volume. He retreated from your chest, "What do you think you're doing? Let me hear you." "Innie~ it- its late, dont wanna wake up the other-r people." "You don't want them to hear you moaning my name, or knowing how good I can fuck you?" You clenched around his fingers, a smirk appearing on his face. "Well aren't you a dirty little whore," he curled his fingers, hitting your sweet spot, "bet you'd just love to have someone catch you, hm? Want people to know how good your Innie makes you feel?" You squeezed your eyes shut, clenching at the idea again. He chuckled, "I wont stop you, let them know who's making you cum. Make sure everyone knows I own you." His thumb running over your clit as he curled his fingers against your sweet spot again, causing a high pitched moan to come from your throat. "Mmm, fuck, Jeonginnie do that again, felt good." "Yea? Is it gonna make you cum?" You nodded your head as he groped at your chest again. He leaned into the crook of your neck, biting a spot that just added that much more pleasure. "You better scream my name when you cum or i'll punish you. You dont want to find out what that's like." As much as the idea may have intrigued you, you weren't risking an orgasm for it. His request was easy to fulfill anyways, you were already whimpering and moaning, hell, you'd probably end up screaming it even if he hadn't asked. "F-fuck.. ahh shit- baby please, wanna cum.. Innie! Please wanna cum all over your fingers~" "You know what you need to do." He rubbed his thumb over your clit faster, curled his fingers more frequently, he could feel clenching around his fingers over and over again. "Come on, do it for me. Tell everyone." "Haaahh, fuckfuckfuck, just like that, mmm.. Jeonginnie.. Jeongin!" You screamed his name another two times as you came undone on his fingers. "See what happens when you're good for me? Promised I'd reward you." You nodded, whining when he took his fingers out. "Open." He held his slick covered fingers above your lips, you opened your mouth, cleaning your mess off of his fingers. He gave you a kiss "..taste so good."

He pulled completely away from you causing you to start whining, "Nooo~ innie.. please im being good, don't stop please." "Be patient and quit whining before I put your mouth to better use." "But-" He quickly took your panties off, shoving them in your mouth, holding your wrists to stop you from removing them. "Shut it. If you can be patient i'll take them out of your mouth." You nodded quickly, eyes quickly getting watery. he took them out of your mouth, "You gonna quit being a brat? Don't wanna punish you, baby." Your mind still fuzzy from your previous orgasm, clearly not thinking right. "I wasn't being a brat, you were being mean! Shoving my panties in my mouth 'n moving away from me!" "I'm gonna give you one chance to start begging for my forgiveness. Talking back like this after I just gave you what you wanted?" "I wanted more!"

"I was being nice, but if you want to act like an ungrateful slut, i'll treat you like one." He grabbed you by your hair, pulling you towards him before laying you over his knee. "Youre gonna count each time I spank you, let's start at 15 and see what that does for you. You'll thank me for it too, teach your some damn manners." "Nonono innie didnt mea- EEK!" His hand colliding with your ass, it fuckin hurt. it wasn't too bad just yet, you would be able handle it. He pulled you up by your hair again, "Start fucking counting before I move it to 30." "One.. thank you," his hand coming down on your other asscheek, "Mm.. Two, thank you." He continued to alternate sides, by 8 you were digging your nails into his arm, feet kicking in a feeble attempt. You were sobbing, it hurt so bad. "Innie.. i'm sorry please wont do it aga- ah!" You sniffled, "Nine, t-thank you. Innie please hurts so bad, I learned my lesso-AH!" That spank being harsher than the previous, "T-ten, thank you!" You just sobbed, not bothering to try and talk him out of it. Looking back at him when he didnt land another spanking,

"Think you learned your lesson, princess." He massaged your ass in his hand, soothing the bright red skin. Hand prints would definitely be there in the morning, "Gonna let Innie take care of you now?" He wiped your cheeks and got the drool off your chin. "Mhm.. sorry for acting bad.." "I know you're sorry, you learned your lesson, gonna listen to me from now on, yea?" "yes.. gonna be good for you. wan' be a good girl." "that's my baby, knew you'd come to your senses. c'mon sit on my lap right." You straddled his lap, hugging him as he kissed your head and face. You had intended to readjust yourself on his lap, moaning when your bare cunt came into contact with his boner. It felt good, you slid yourself against it one more time, Jeongin audibly groaning before grabbing your hips, holding you above him. You whined at the loss of contact. "You really are just a little slut for me, aren't you?" He looked down, seeing all your juices dripping on your thighs, "I punished you, and yet you're still a wet mess for me." You nodded enthusiastically at him, agreeing with everything he said. "Want it innie.. need you in me so bad.. He softly squeezed your ass, causing you to whimper, "I'll take care of you baby, let's lay you down."

"What are you gonna do Innie? Want you so bad..." "Shh, just relax, i'm gonna take care of you." He slid you right to the edge of the bed, legs being held open by his arms, your pussy on display just for him. He kissed the insides of your thighs, tasting you before he'd even properly began. "What are you supposed to say when i do something nice for you? I taught you manners." He laid his tongue flat, licking all the way up your pussy, before reaching your clit and lightly sucking in it. "Mhmmhm! thank you innie, don't stop, nobody does it like you, thankyouthankyouthankyou~" He hummed against your pussy, the vibrations causing you to shiver and arch your back. "..Taste so fucking good, could do this forever," You grabbed at his hair, thighs attempting to close before being separated again, "Behave." "But- fuck.. Innie I can't- Jesus Christ, haaa... Innie want more of you, moremoremore baby please!" "What do you want, sweetie? You want my fingers again? Speak up." "Mhm! Want your fingers, Love your hands! So big feel so good," He laughed lightly against your core, taking one finger and pushing it into your hole, slowly curling it as he pulled it out before sliding back in. You were morning for him, babbling incoherent nonsense. "Want another one Innie, more please," He added a second finger, scissoring the two, quickly fucking them into you. He circled your clit with his tongue, feeling it pulsate from all the stimulation. "Fuck, can't- stop its too much-" "I can you feel clenching around me, its not too much for you yet." You arched your back, grabbing the hand that was on your thigh and squeezing it. "Innie- need to cum, please wanna cum for you, need to cum for you letmeletmeletme-" He looked up at you, a silent yes. He flattened his tongue on your pussy before harshly sucking on your clit. "Jeongin! fuck cumming, cumming ahh- Jeonginnie!" He slowed his fingers down, helping your ride out your high, but that wasn't it.

He wasn't done. He took his fingers out and watched you clench around nothing. "Such a pretty pussy all for me." He tightly held your legs apart, "Jeong, what are you- oh fuck!" He hadn't gotten enough, he needed to taste you, small kitten licks on your clit before flattening his tongue out and then pushing it inside of you. You screamed, all way too much too soon. You thought you would pass out, your legs were shaking, tossing your head side to side and gripping the bedsheet. "JEONGIN!" There it was, you sounded so pretty screaming for him, he couldn't get enough of it, he had to make you do it again. "Fuck! oh my god, close again, gonna cum again, please- shit, Innie!" You were babbling non stop, trying so hard to close your legs, the pleasure was too much, you didnt know what to do. You just laid there and let him do as he pleased. "Innie~ cumming again- mm! ahh.. oh my god-" He had finally separated from your core, wiping his chin on the back of his hand. you were breathing heavy, your body unable to recover from the back to back orgasms.

"Hey, pretty, still here?" "Mhm... need to take a break can't think." "I was making sure you hadn't passed out, not asking if you needed a break. You don't need to think." You could hear him undoing his belt, "Innie I can't take anymore." "I decide when you can't take anymore." "But i'm too sensitive canttakeit." "You asked me to fuck you dumb, i'm gonna do that." He looked over at you, "Do you really want me to stop?" No... "Answer me." "Don't wan' you to stop.." "That's what I thought." He turned to face you, taking his shirt off "Holy shit.." "Hm?" "Wanna touch you so bad, hurry up." You could feel yourself getting wetter from just looking at him. All his muscles.. I mean you thought he worked out, sure! But he was so toned, his arms looked so nice. You wanted to claw at his back, leave hickeys on his chest and abs. You needed to fucking touch him.

Finally he had gotten to just his boxers, you knew he would big. I mean you felt it when you were on his thigh. and again when you sat on his lap, not to mention the tent it made, but you hadn't prepared to actually understand how much of a size difference you and Jeongin had. He stepped out of them and all you could do was stare. He wasn't big, he was huge. It was girthy, precum smeared across the tip. you backed up on the bed, sitting on your knees. "Innie, that's not gonna fit." "I'll make sure it does, dont worry your pretty little head." "No jeonginnie, its gonna fuckin tear me apart-" "Said I was gonna fuck you dumb, I meant it." He held your head up, "What do you want?" "Wanna touch you.." "Touch me wherever you want." He put one knee on the bed, enough to support his weight, you ran your hands over his arms "So muc bigger than me..." You ran your fingers over his chest,and then his stomach. "So handsome.. so big.." You looked down at his member, "Can.. I?" "Whatever you want, babygirl." You wrapped your hand around it, eyes going wide then you realized that you'd need two hands.

You put the tip in your mouth, swirling your tongue around it. Your jaw already starting to hurt a bit, "Don't push yourself, fit as much as you can." You looked up at him, nodding a bit. How many times had he made you cum tonight? The least you could do is help him out here. You got a bit over half into your mouth comfortably, you weren't going to stop there though. You prepared yourself to fight off your gag reflex as much as possible before trying to get another inch or two in. You felt the tip hit the back of your throat, Jeongin groaned "oh fuckkk.." His hand finding its way to the back of your head, "That all you can fit in love?" You pulled yourself away, allowing your tongue to slid across the underside of his shaft before completely releasing him. You immediately wrapped your hands around it, moving them up and down at a steady pace. You could see Jeongin's saw tense, his breathing definitely becoming more rigid.

"Wanna fit more.. Wanna try and get it all in my mouth." He moaned as you said that, just you wanting to fit him in your mouth completely was already sexy, but when you looked up at him like that, with your whiny voice? It made his dick twitch in your hands, his precious babygirl trying so hard to please him. Your tiny mouth was already so full but you wanted to try. You swirled your tongue around the tip a few times, licking long strips along the sides, "Stop teasing me like that, can't control myself when you look at me like that." "Use me Innie, use my mouth however you want." You once again took him completely into your mouth, getting back to the same spot before looking up at him, his hand pushing your head further down. You moaned when you felt him get farther down your throat, your mouth felt so full but you want more, he could feel your throat contract around him. He whimpered a few times, "Baby, ahh- mmph.., fuck, stop doing that, gonna make me cum in your mouth if you don't quit." You nodded your head the best you could, "You want me to cum in your mouth?" You nodded again, humming slightly, earning a moan from him. "Gonna let me use your pretty throat?" You moaned around him, the thought of him using you however he pleased making you drip for him.

He held your head, bobbing you up and down, fucking your throat however he pleased. "Feels so fucking good.. wanna fuck your mouth until you can't take it anymore.." Your eyes began to water, he was picking up the pace, lazily thrusting into your mouth. "You think you can fit the rest in your mouth for me pretty girl?" You nodded your head, you needed to feel all of him. You had reached one of your hands down to rub your clit, desperate to feel something that could help you release. "Cmon princess just a little bit more, almost done." Tears were spilling out of your eyes, drool began to fall down your chin and to the valley of your breasts. He pushed the last bit of his dick into your throat, he could feel everything, all of your moans causing a vibration that made him whimper for you. "Fuck.. please.. let me-" You moved your head back, just enough to sink back down and deep throat him. He was moaning your name over and over pushing your head down slightly, slowly. "ahh shit.. y/n.. fuck.. wanna fuck your face so bad. just wanna use your pretty mouth. look so good with it stuffed full of my cock." You whined, nodding your head, silently begging him to just use you. He looked down at you, wiping the tear off your cheek before starting to fuck your face. He was ruthless, slamming you back down onto the full length after nearly pulling completely out of your mouth. he was cursing under his breath, telling you how good your pretty mouth felt, begging you to let him keep using you till he was satisfied. You hadn't stopped playing with you clit, your moaning only helping Jeongin reach his higher quicker. "Shit.. so fucking good.. so close, wanna cum in your mouth so bad- fuck- haaa.." You could feel him twitch in your mouth, waiting for his release. He gave you a few more harsh thrusts before pulling halfway out and cumming all over your tongue. Some of it spilling out onto your lips and chin. He lifted your chin up, "Dont swallow, show me." You opened your mouth for him, showing your tongue covered in his cum, "Swallow it, all of it." You did, the slightly salty flavor not bothering you. Opening your mouth to show him again that you'd swallowed all of his release. He collected remaining cum left on your on lips and chin onto his thumb, pushing it past your lips. You licked his finger, making sure to get every last bit. "That's my good little whore." "Are you proud of me Innie?" You wiped the drool on your chin off, not worrying about any of the tears. "So proud of you, took me so well. My good girl, always trying to please me." He leaned down to kiss you, the taste of his release still present.

He pushed you back onto the bed, leaning on top of you and kissing all your neck, continuing to litter it with marks. Everyone would know you were his. "Fucked your mouth, and now I get to fuck you stupid." "Wait Innie! Seriously it's too big, it's not gonna fit in me..." "I told you not to worry about it, i know you can take it." "But I don't- it won't-" He put one of your legs on his shoulder, holding the other to keep you spread open for him. "So pretty for me, love it so much... pussy made just for me. All mine. You're perfect for me." He grabbed your thighs, spreading them apart. You whimpered in his grasp, scared of how much it's going to hurt. "Do you want to stop? Because once I start i'm not stopping until youre crying and unable to say anything but my name. I'll fuck you all night, I dont care." You were scared, he was ruthless with you earlier, you had no clue what he was going to do to you now. But fuck, did you want to feel him inside of you. And more than anything, you didn't want to think. "Mhm.. you can try to make it fit.. wanna be good for you, don't wanna think.." "I promised I'd make you forget, I will." He put his hand your lower stomach, "You'll feel me all the way up here, won't be able to think about anything else." You gulped, struggling to breathe before nodding. "Now be a good girl and keep your legs apart for me, okay?" "Mkay Jeonginnie," You did just as he told you, trying not to close your legs at all, you felt the tip of his dick go through your folds a couple times, moaning at the sensation, still sensitive from earlier. "I know you can take it, pretty." You nodded your head, fear quickly turning into excitement, "Hurry Innie, want it..." He pushed the tip into your cunt, the stretch was painful, you reflexively tried to move away from him, being met with him grabbing your hips and pushing further into you. "JEONGIN! fuck- ahh- no- too full can't, can't, can't. No more Innie! too big, too big, i'm full already, can't take anymore." That's the second time he made you scream, he wasn't planning on it being the last. You were shaking your head side to side, babbling and crying. "C'mon princess, almost there, just a little bit more for me, taking me so well." He cursed under his breath, rubbling circles on your hips. You couldn't stop crying, the stretch was so much, and he seriously wasn't done yet? "Just do it, babe. Hurry please." He pushed into you, completely bottoming out, shaky breaths coming from him. He kissed your forehead, "You did it baby, so- fuckkk.. so proud of you darling." "It hurts Innie.. Hold my hand please.." He pinned your hand to the bed, intertwining your fingers together. "I'm gonna move, 'kay lovey? Promise i'll make you feel good, don't want you in pain." You were whimpering, nodding your head. He started so slow, only pulling out halfway before pushing back in. It had to have taken a solid 5 minutes of him barely moving just to even start to stretch you out.

"Haaa.. Jeonginnie, faster please, need more." You finally getting used to the stretch, enjoying the feeling of being so incredibly full. "You sure baby? Thought it was too much for you." He wanted to hear you beg for it, say it needed to be him. You bucked your hips up, attempting to feel some kind of friction that you needed so desperately. He groaned, "Shit- stop it-" You had started to roll your hips just slightly, "Innie please need you so bad.. ha~.. fuckfuckfuck, please innie want you. need you to do it for me.." you yelped, his hand harshly slapping your ass, "Whore for my dick now? Can't even listen right. Thought you had learned your lesson earlier." He pulled all the way out before pushing back into your velvety walls, he quickly gained speed. "Too much of a cock hungry bitch to remember the shit I say to you." You were thanking him, begging for more, saying it was too much all at the same time. He was kissing your cervix with each thrust, quickly snapping his hips into yours. "So big- fuck baby slo- ahh! mmph! slow down!" He had pushed your knees to your shoulders, giving himself the perfect angle to see his cock disappear into your hole. "Feel so good around me, made just for me.." Your head started to get cloudy, a knot In your belly forming again. "C-cum... wan' cum p-please." He angled himself up, aiming for the spot that would make you see stars. "Jeong- please so close-" "Who do you belong to?" "You! Just you! All yours. Just you, you Jeonginnie. fuck, ahh, too big so full-" "Beg." "W-what?" "Start begging." "Innie!! Stop... too fast- Can't think! Need to cum for you, have to. Love when you fuck me like this, dont stop, dont wan' you to stop!" "Say you're mine." "All yours Innie, belong just to you. Only want you." "You wanna cum on my dick?" "So bad!! Need to~! Need to cum on your cock please, havetohaveto~ please." "Cum for me, be good." "Haaa~ fuck.. gonna be good for you.. mmph! right there please- fuck- Innie! JEONGIN! c-cumming fuck-" he didnt slow down, continuing to fuck into at the same pace, getting you all the way through your orgasm before changing his angle.

"Mmm.. Innie. Dont stop, need it, please need you, need this." he ran his hand over your cheek, you turned your face to the side. "So tight.. thought I would've fucked you open... clenching around me like that." "Jeonginjeonginniejeonginjeongin!" You kept saying his name over and over, he couldn't get anything else out of you. "Baby went dumb from being fucked so good?" "Mhmmhm, Innie, haaa- Jeonginnie wan you, need you. Jeongin~" he ran his thumb over your lip, you opened your mouth for him. He put two fingers in your mouth, pushing on your tongue. you were drooling everywhere. "My messy whore, isn't that right? Jeonginnie's slut?" he took his fingers out of your mouth, wondering just what you'd have to say this time, "Wanna be your pretty slut, wan you to use me." "Oh yea? You that much of a whore for me?" "Mhm! Innie! Pleasepleaseplease, want Innie. Want Jeongin, fuck- haa.." You were gripping onto his biceps, digging your nails into them as he held your legs up. You were crying, babbling nonsense, he touched your cheek "Baby, dont cry, you're okay." "Nuh-uh not sad. Want you to fuck me like this forever, feels so good. Want you in me all the time, dont leave me. Need you innie, want you so bad." he groaned just hearing you, his cock twitching inside you. "Not gonna stop, gonna fuck you for as long as you want." "Mhm! please! dont stop, need you to cum in me. let me feel it. fill me up Innie." he threw his head back, cursing. "Such good pussy, take me so well." he grabbed your jaw, making you look at him.. fucked out face still somehow smiling at him,

"Wanna be my little cumdump? Take all of it like a good girl?" "Yes Sir! Want it so bad! Cum in me, need it." He had trained you real good, alright. "Open your mouth." You opened it, tongue laying flat, he spit onto it. "Swallow it." and you did. "God, such a dirty bitch, taking whatever i'll give you." "Only for you Innie, just you Sir, love you, love you Jeonginnie." His hips slowed down, he thought he was gonna cum right that second, "Mmm innie, dont stop! Need it bad! So close," He leaned in, kissing your swollen lips, fucking deep into you. He looked down, your tummy bulging every time he thrusted into you. He pushed down, causing your back to arch. "Feel me right here, yea?" You moaned so loudly, your face contorting into that of pure pleasure. "Mhm mhm! Feel it Innie, love it so much, harder! Want it harder." He gave you what you wanted, fucking into you harder, moving his hand down to rub your clit, feeling your cunt clamp down on him each time. "Say you love me, that you're mine." "l- haaa.. love you innie, wanna be all yours.." "You are all mine." "Promise?" "Swear baby." His thrusts got sloppy, "Cum in me jeongin, please!" you wrapped your legs around his waist, holding his closely before grabbing his face and kissing him, "Mm- love you innie, need you, can't live without you.. need you to fuck me every night... wan' love you forever" He'd made you absolutely stupid on his cock, you kept saying it over and over, his name and 'love yous', he pushed deep, letting out a moan as you clamped harder onto him, taking every last drop of his seed, you didnt care as long as it was him. He fucked his cum into you a few times, before pulling out, watching some of it drip out of your hole.

"Kiss.. want to kiss you." Taking your face in his hands, he kissed you, a deep, slow kiss. "I love you so much Jeonginnie. Only think about you." "Do you?" You pulled him on top of you "Love you more than anything, need you, don't know what to do without you." "Love you too babygirl, not gonna leave you. Lemme clean you up, We made a mess." You shook your head, "Don't care, just want you. Dont go, stay with me." "5 minutes and then were gonna get you cleaned up." "Mkay... I like you a lot.." You put your hand on his chest, he started laughing, "You dont say, would've never guessed with all the 'love you' and 'need yous' you said while I was fucking your brains out." You hit his chest lighting. " Don't laugh, im still- what's the word." He laughed at you again, "Fucked you a bit too good?" "I'm having a hard thinking about anything else, so I think you did your job. But, I do love you, can't live without you." "I know." "You love me too?" "Love you more than anything." "That's a whole lot." "You deserve it. My perfect girl. All mine, only for me." "Mhm.. just you.. only wanna be with you." he pulled your further into his arms, whispering in your ear, "Good, you never had a choice."

a/n: IM A FILTHY DEGENERATE. I AM DISGUTSING I CANNOT EVEN LOOK AT MYSELF. I AM SO NASTY. WAS THIS OVERKILL? HOW MUCH SMUT DID I PUT IN THIS HOE????? IM SORRRYYY??????? HELP? IM DIGUSTING I NEED GOD. im bad at paragraph breaking idk // hey god send me a bf/gf who's as obsessed with me as jeongin is with y/n. // being so fr I have bpd and that's the only reason I write obslove jeongin well, bc I live that. this is why I dont get into relationships. responsible adult choices. dont drink and drive or smth idk

likes reblogs and feed back greatly appreciated! ♡ let me know if you want to be added to a taglist for future chapters and posts! my requests are open!

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ptn-imagines · 3 months

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Greetings! I've read your work on Ao3 and I absolutely love your PtN content. Although the work is fanmade, the characterisation and interactions of Chief and sinners seem so on point to me (^^)

With that being said, I would like to request a SFW and NSFW headcanon of top!Chief and one my favourite sinners in the game - Coquelic. She considered Chief as one of her " flowers " in her 100% compliance document and was more accepting to them during her interrogation. It'd be nice to include how Coquelic dealt with admirers who were a bit too close to Chief. Thank you!

I'm glad you like my works! I hope this one is up to scratch as well -- I worry that I highlighted certain aspects of Coquelic's personality too much and others not enough, but judging by that last bit of the request, I think this should hopefully satisfy you. If not, feel free to send in a new request!

NSFW content and mild violence below the cut.

SFW+NSFW headcanons for Coquelic with top!Chief

What Coquelic wants, Coquelic gets. This is a fact of life, and the Mentor of the Garden will take what she wants with her own hands if need be.

At first, this was the Chief’s life. Though she knew two of her flowers were besotted with them – and what silly girls they were indeed – Coquelic cared little for them herself. As if the way they chained Sinners with those despicable shackles wasn’t enough, that disgusting Hush had asked her to look out for them… and there’s no way she was going to do anything that monster said.

Still, despite Coquelic’s convictions, she too ended up charmed by the Chief, just the same as her flowers. She went from wanting to take their life, to wanting to take their heart. Metaphorically, because Coquelic had taken hearts literally before, but it was a terribly messy and bloody business and more importantly, it left her victim dead, which was no longer the fate she desired for the Chief.

Still, for a while after Coquelic had made the decision to pursue the Chief, they were left with a feeling of bone-deep dread and a chill down their spine. Coquelic seemed to be popping up out of nowhere more and more often lately, and they wondered if she’d changed her mind about wanting to kill them.

Coquelic, of course, isn’t capable of doing anything in half measures. She was aware of how she was unnerving her adored one, but saw it as a necessary side-effect – after all, her confession had to be perfect. She already had a plan in mind; she just needed to find the right flower to bloom…

One day, Chief would find themself on their way to a meeting with a particularly snobby member of the City Council. They didn’t like this guy, not at all; the way he talked about Sinners was worse than your average Eastsider, likening them to diseased animals. He had been pushing to undo all the work Chief had been doing to reduce the stigma about Sinners, and though Chief had been managing to prevent any catastrophic consequences thus far, his power and influence was not to be underestimated.

Still, when they walked into the councilor’s office, nothing could have prepared them for what they saw.

The councilor was slumped in his chair, fresh blood coagulating into vibrant red Mania roses. Perched on the edge of his desk like she belonged there was none other than Coquelic, grinning as she twirled a lock of her hair around her finger. “Well, Chief? What do you think of my confession?”

They could only stare, mouth agape. “Coquelic- You- What- How-”

Coquelic sighed, tutting as if it was so very obvious. “My dear Chief, I know this guy’s been bothering you. We can’t have that, can we? So I took care of him for you.” She idly plucked one of the roses from the man’s body, and the Chief was too stunlocked to react as she sashayed over to them and tucked it behind their ear. “Forget about that ugly thing, and instead focus on these beautiful flowers that bloomed from the rot. Red roses… You know what they mean, don’t you?”

Chief’s brain was just barely able to comprehend that Coquelic was – confessing to them? This was all too much to handle. “Coquelic,” they managed to mutter, their voice hoarse, “go back to the Bureau. We’ll discuss this there.”

Coquelic pouted. “Oh, Chief, you break my poor little heart. But, if that’s what you want…” She disappeared in the blink of an eye, before the Chief could comprehend her words.

Covering up the councilor’s death was a pain – the 9th Agency had to get involved. Still, Chief knew that if the news got out that a very vocally anti-Sinner councilor had been assassinated by the Mentor of the Garden, it would cause an even bigger headache. As a result, it was several days before they managed to make good on their promise to speak to Coquelic back at the Bureau.

“Chief, what took you so long?” she whined as she noticed them approach her cell, sprawling across an ornate couch she’d managed to get brought in for her, somehow. “Don’t you know it’s rude to keep a lady waiting? I thought you stood me up!”

Chief took a deep breath and refused to respond to Coquelic’s provocations. “Coquelic, I’m… willing to go out with you. But on one condition. Don’t kill anyone else.”

Coquelic laughed, giving the Chief a smile that was both terrifying and hauntingly beautiful. “Is that your only request? Very well! I won’t kill anyone else in your name~” A statement that left no doubt that Coquelic’s days as an assassin were far from over, but Chief expected no less from her.

Coquelic demanded a lot of the Chief's attention, but also spoiled them. Flowers, custom-tailored clothes and commissioned trinkets, chocolates, the whole nine yards; Chief was genuinely worried they’d run out of space for all these gifts.

Being with Coquelic meant that the Chief also got to spend a lot of time around her Garden. Seeing how kind and protective she could be towards her flowers made them realize that Coquelic wasn’t just a madwoman; the stunt she’d pulled to confess was simply a grandiose gesture to get their attention.

She was an absolute drama queen, that was true, but she wasn’t as crazy as she first seemed. Indeed, she was perfectly capable of being serious and lowkey when she wanted to – it was just that she rarely wanted to be.

The scariest part of Coquelic was simply how territorial she could be. Though she kept her promise about not killing anyone for the Chief, they definitely noticed how some of their admirers would fall rather badly ill for a couple of weeks after being a little too bold with their affection. They were certain that Coquelic was giving them very small doses of poison, enough to cause disruptive illness without endangering their lives, but they could never quite catch her in the act.

Coquelic was also a very touchy person – she’d often drag the Chief to Garden-owned bathhouses for private outings. Baths with Coquelic were always a sensual experience; the Mentor of the Garden had an incredible body and she wasn’t shy about showing it off. She made the act of bathing seem like its own personal showing just for the Chief; water streaming down her breasts, her curves tracing a hypnotic outline of her body. It was nothing short of mesmerizing.

However, these moments also revealed the various scars across Coquelic’s body, the ones that were just barely covered by her clothes or concealed with makeup. She didn’t have as many as warriors like Zoya or Ninety-Nine, of course, but she still had a much larger amount than the Chief expected. They didn’t dare bring it up, but they couldn’t help but wonder about the stories behind these scars.

As sensual as these moments were, the actual sex was left firmly in the bedroom. Coquelic was a pillow princess, but Chief was a service top, so it all worked out very well in the end.

Besides, even if Coquelic didn’t do much to help, she was still an active participant in other ways. She preferred to have the Chief’s face buried in her arousal, which meant they spent a lot of time between her legs, and she wasn’t shy about her lewd gasps and moans, nor about telling the Chief how much of a good little flower they were. Her silky sweet voice and the taste of her ambrosia-like arousal was more than enough to bring the Chief to their own climax – sometimes without Coquelic’s permission, which would be sorely punished.

Indeed, Coquelic is no stranger to kink. It’s fairly common for her to blindfold Chief with silky ribbons, and on the days where she lets them ride her instead, she often also binds their hands behind their back. If she’s really in a mood, she’ll even use the ribbons to gag them. It’s all very artistic, of course.

Among the many gifts Chief has received from Coquelic is copious amounts of lacy lingerie. It’s her expectation that Chief will wear them, and she’ll kick up a fuss if she discovers they’re not.

Also, Coquelic is more than willing to use her fangs when biting, so drawing a bit of blood is par for the course when it comes to intimacy with her.

In the end, Coquelic was a complicated person, and indeed, a relationship with her was often messy. But she had qualities that Chief admired, too, when she wasn’t purposefully messing about: loyalty and a deep love for the people who were hers. So, much to the Chief's surprise…

In the end, they truly fell for Coquelic too.

#ptn #path to nowhere #ptn coquelic #path to nowhere coquelic #coquelic #ptn headcanons #path to nowhere headcanons #headcanons

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