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#you killed my focking baby
loadedberetta · 7 months
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motherFUckers pruned my baby!!! let frowny babe have a moment of peace ffs
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OK SO. HERE IS.. avery 21stcenturyschizoidfags very silly impromptu mewtuals hunger games simulator thingulator post. this thing was fucking long i didnt realise maybe i'm just crazy and beautiful. will post the next bit after
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AS A REMINDER HERE IS THE ROSTER.. i didnt really have any specific metric for who i added i just added who i thought would find this funny to be totally honest. and the caroline polacheks mole v azealia banks spoon thing is a reference to this i just find it really funny because i dont personally like caroline polacheks music also i ahve a facial mole like hers too. OK LETS BEGIN. BTW click on the images to see them better :)
da bloodbath
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shaan being so scary like halloween time... ANA FUCKING DOWN LIKE STRAIGHT AWAY due to famed non-binary lesbian ally nicolas cage dracula in the movie renfield 2023... papa pavel and baby emilio working together ahh so cutes.. ram said im NOT starving in here. dee plans to FIGHT. everyone else gets the hell out of there
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I FUCKING STRANGLED ISA TO DEATH ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ann doing everyone a favor and scaring that mole out of here.. aviv and cassis working together awww so friendlys. Someone gave proxy bombs which is very scary dont trust him with those his icon is the joker for a reason
day one and fallen tributes
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dee and pavel each get stuff from one of numerous stans worldwide. mia sneaks up on mr. flow3 while hes busy writing dracula flow 4.. mr cage dracula and my friend olive feeling adventurous. mariam gets craftyyy and ellie wellie is homesick for equestria.. scott is a feminist as expected and scare-ah lives to see another day
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cassis doing some tom and jerry stuff to accy OKAYY.. carolines mole uses its connections to caroline polachek proper (its attached to her face -_-) to get UNFAIR support from a stan. Nobody is surprised. BIGENDER TEAMUP from me and shaan.. I dont know how xe can bear to be around me after i STRANGLED ISA. TO DEATH. The oomfs are going hunting.. and then proxy takes my son hunting. I SURE HOPE NOTHING HAPPENS TO MY SON. & we mourn the loss of two souls. gone too soon.. gone too soon
night one
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this broke my heart the fact that emilio is having trouble sleeping like EMILIOOO ): I LOVE YOU.. max doing everyone a favor by killing carolines mole BUT with the INCREDIBLY tragic loss of ELLIEEE.. mia and proxy chilling.. vi being an incredible chef and resourceful at that. is anyone surprised (smiles beautifully). the INSANE triple combo death of two incredible gay men and a beautiful and insane bigender. TRAGIC TRAGIC SHIT? Pavel spares the life of mr. flow3. Cassis has a little nap in a tree.. mariam having a mariam moment and ram REFUSING to allow it. mariam LIVES. ann like vi is very skilled in the kitchen and everyone claps and smiles. Me and that FUCKING spoon seem to have hit it off
day two and fallen tributes
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emilio, accy & cassis are feeling adventurous asf.. me + olive + ram + sarah decide its time for food innit. AVIV PAVEL DEE AND MIA DIE. JUST LIKE THAT? THEY JUST DIE. THEY JSUT DIED? LIKE THAT. THEYRE DEAD NOW. LIKE BYE EVERYONE THEYRE JUST DEAD? i will mourn them. mariam and max are IN. THE TRENCHES. watch out please.. proxy and mr. flow3 are getting their battle tactics in
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Rest in peace to these fucking legends. We lost so many in ONE FUCKING ROUND. so many incredible individuals just gone like that. Greyed out pavel kitten and slay sister callie is making me scream laughing. Scoot and paddington greyed out is like who are these two little scamps. Good lord. GOOD LORD.
night two
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Ram is sick what the hell when did that happen. IM IN TEARS OVER MARIAM BEGGING ANOTHER PERSON TO KILL HER. LIKE GIRL I KNOW ITS THE HUNGER GAMES BUT IM IN TEARS RIGHT NOW CAN YOU STOP? & LIKE ASKING MY SON TOO?? trenches. cassis sabotages THE SAD FROWNER scare-ah (maybe its for the best..) A spoon climbs a tree. i would love to see that. mr flow3 and ann also climb trees.. Olive is so focking cold. Dogboy bonding.. theyre giving proxy more fucking explosives i swear to g-d. OK accy looking at the night sky did make me a bit emotional because like he IS an alien.. is he homesick too? im so sorry. they took your ufo away from you to put you in these sick and twisted games..
TO BE CONTINUED..
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howlingday · 1 year
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SOLID BLAKE AWESOME 2
ARGH!
Ruby: Okay, so... two two eight point zero zero eight. Alright, cool!
Blake: Hey, bitch! What's up?
???: Who the fuck are you?!
Blake: IT'S... NOT IMPORTANT.
???: Holy shit, you're Blake! Oh my gosh! You're so awesome! You're so hot!
Blake: Some people call me that...
Ilia: (Takes off mask)
Blake: WHOA! MONTY OUM'S PROVERBIAL SON!
Ren: Thanks, brah.
Ilia: So what's up?
Blake: I need you to advance the plot!
Ilia: Done aaaaaand done.
Blake: Thanks, baby.
Ilia: Need anymore sexual tension?
Blake: Nah, I'm good!
Blake: (Door opens) Whoa, cool!
Blake: (Shredded by lasers)
Ruby: What the fuck?! Nobody told me there were lasers there!
Ilia: Hey, Blake, there are lasers there.
Blake: (Pile of dust, Angrily ashes)
Blake: (Revives) OKAY! I guess I'll use my cigarettes I hid in my STOMACH!
Blake: AWESOME!
Blake: (Lights up, Coughs horribly)
Blake: (Passing through lasers) OH GOD, IT'S KILLING ME! I CAN'T TAKE THESE THINGS!
Blake: (Door opens, Runs) OH GO-
Blake: (Blown up by bombs) BWAFF! BOH! BAGH! BARGH!
Ruby: ...WHAT THE FUCK?! NOBODY TOLD ME THERE WERE BOMBS THERE!
Ilia: Hey, Blake, there are bombs there.
Blake: (Singed, Ashy) OH, THANKS, BITCH!
Blake: OH, GEE WHIZ! I HOPE A TANK DOESN'T COMES OUT OF NOWHERE AND TOTALLY OWN ME!
Blake: (Hatch opens, Blasted by tank shells)
Blake: YOU KNOW, SERIOUSLY, I'M GETTIN A LITTLE FUCKING PISSED OFF!
Ilia: Hey, Blake! A tank is gonna come out of nowhere and-
Blake: SHUT UP!
Hazel: Cryptic metaphor!
Blake: Do you seriously think this is fucking fair?
Hazel: ...Just throw grenades at me.
Blake: Oh. (Throws grenade)
Blake: Awesome! (Flies off)
Hazel: Hahahahaha! I gave her more than a scorpion hunts for in the night!
Watts: ...What?
Hazel: The cat prowls fiercely, but cannot brush their teeth, for as the ancient Egyptians are aware of, cats have no toothbrush to brush their teeth!
Watts: ...Shut up.
Hazel: The scorpion on my back thirsts for her blood!
Tyrian: DAMN RIGHT, [REDACTED], M-MM!
---------------------------------------------------
Pyrrha: Blake, you can't use weapons on that floor.
Blake: The fuck are you?!
Pyrrha: Actually, I just made it impossible for you to use weapons anyway.
Blake: WHOA WHOA WHAT?!
Pyrrha: That floor holds dust weapons which are very-
!
Blake: FUCK! I CAN'T USE WEAPONS! GOD- (Shot to death)
Pyrrha: (Winces) I guess that was kinda stupid...
---------------------------------------------------
Blake: (Sniffs) Argh! Did somebody fart in here?!
???: Yo, yo, yo, Gee-Girl, Cat's Eye Bee.
Blake: What?
???: Yee-Yeah, aight. Launch a mothafuckin missile to blat blat that power majigah, kitty-cat muthahfuckah.
Blake: How does everyone know my scroll number?! GOD!
???: Yee-Yeah, aight. Just call me... Black Ring.
Blake: Gross!
Blake: (Launches missile)
Goons: (Dead and dying)
Thug: Ooh, that looks kinda nice- (Pinned to the wall) AAAAGH!
Blake: What the hell?!
Jaune: Yeah, yeah, follow me, Blake!
Blake: ...You know, that doesn't exactly sound like a good idea.
Jaune: Just do it, motherfucker!
Blake: FINE, GEEZ!
Oscar: Oh my god, I'm so scared! UAUAUAH! (Pisses everywhere)
Jaune: Aw, shit, dude, this is disgustin'!
Blake: Hey, guys, I just- AGH! WHAT THE FUCK?! SON OF OUM! ARGH!
Ren: Hey, man. You called- Oh god! OH GOD!
Ozpin: Hey, guys, I- OH, GEEZ! OH, THIS IS SO GROSS! WHY WOULD THE BROTHERS INVENT PISS ANYWAYS?!
Jaune: STOP PISSING, DUDE!
Oscar: Okay! (Stops peeing)
Jaune: So, Blake, I see you've arrived.
Blake: Argh, I got fucking piss ALL over me!
Jaune: BLAKE! HURT ME! A LOT! PLEASE!
Blake: What?
Jaune: MORE, BLAKE! HURT ME MORE, BABY!
Blake: Dude... Holy shit...
Jaune: I'M JUST SO FOCKING CRAZY! BLBLBL! (Bounces off walls) BLBLBLBLBL! (Wangs head angainst the floor)
Blake: ...
Blake: THE RUSTED KNIGHT!
Blake: Hey, stupid bitch, whatever your name is, I don't know, that's THE RUSTED KNIGHT!
Pyrrha: Yeah, I know. I forgot to tell you.
Blake: You know, you're a bitch!
Pyrrha: He was experiment.
Blake: In what?! S&M or something?!
Pyrrha: Shut up, Blake! You're hurting my feelings inadvertently!
Blake: Fine! Go be all fucking mysterious! See if I care!
Blake: (Eats entire supercomputer console) God, what did you fucking drink?!
Oscar: You're not one of them?
Blake: Dude, you literally pissed like a million gallons of pee all over the place!
Oscar: IT'S JUST LIKE MY EUROPEAN FOLKTALES!
Blake: ARGH! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! I'M TALKING ABOUT PISS AND SHIT, AND YOU'RE TALKING SOME STUPID FAIRY TALES NOBODY GIVES A FOCK ABOUT!
Oscar: (Sobs)
Blake: Okay, look, the relics are these new glodgy things, and I, like, need you to become a main character or whatever.
Oscar: The relics control dust weapons? No... It can't be...
Blake: YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T KNOW?!
Oscar: Look, I'm about to say a lot of shit and explain, like, a billion things that don't make ANY sense so you might as well skip this part.
Ruby: Alright, at least you had the decency to tell me.
Ruby: ...Fucking bombs. (Skips)
Oscar: (Pushing against advancing Blake) ARE YOU COMING ONTO ME?!
Blake: (Drops Oscar, Blushing) WHOA! WH- WHY'D YOU STOP ON THIS PART?!
Ruby: Oh shit! Sorry! (Skips)
Oscar: Remember when Ilia totally wiggled her ass right in your face?
Blake: Oh yeah! I remember that! ...Wait, that was important? I had no idea, I was just staring at her ass.
Oscar: Yeah, it was important! Dumbass...
Blake: SHUT UP! (Shoots)
Oscar: FUCK! YOU JUST SHOT ME IN THE LEG!
Blake: So?
Oscar: (Whimpers, Sobs)
Blake: OKAY! Time to find Ilia!
---------------------------------------------------
Blake: Okay, now to stare at people's asses for a while.
Port: (Ass-crack in view)
Blake: (Shudders) This would be a lot cooler without the whole NOT Ilia's ass thing!
!
Blake: Fuck!
Blake: (Finds half-naked Ilia) WHOA! DAMN! AWESOME! HOLY SHIT!
Ilia: Blake... I... really need someone to talk t-
Blake: Shut up, unless it's your ass talking!
Ilia: Blake, please! This is really important to-
Blake: What?! I can't hear you! I'm too busy looking at your ass! Plus your nipples are bleeding through your tanktop.
Ilia: (Puts on pants)
Blake: Oh. Okay, let's go.
Ilia: Blake, whenever I lost my parents, I-
Blake: (Punches Ilia, Knocks her out) AMAZING! LET'S GO!
---------------------------------------------------
Ilia: BLAKE... MAKE LOVE TO ME, BLAKE! I WANT YOU... FOREVER!
Blake: Dude!
Emerald: You're supposed to hit her!
Blake: Damn right, I'm gonna hit that!
Emerald: Ugh, dammit! (Knocks out Ilia)
Blake: WHAT THE FUCK, ASSHOLE?!
Emerald: So, I see you're a fan of Gen:Lock, huh?
Ruby: Whoa- Whoa- Gh- Whoa! WHAT?!
Emerald: LET'S FIGHT, BLAKE!
Blake: Um, okay!
SOLID_BLAKE_AWESOME_2.JIF has performed an illegal operation and will now shut down permanently.
Ruby: ...
Emerald: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Ruby: OH! WHAT?! ARGH!
Emerald: (Slapping Blake's ass to the ground) OWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWN!
Blake: OH MY GOD, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING! SHE CAN READ MY MIND!
---------------------------------------------------
5 Days Later...
Ruby: Yeah, I don't know what the fuck to do.
Yang: You gotta flip your scroll upside-down, dude.
Ruby: Oh. How the fuck was I supposed to figure that out?
Yang: General Ironwood tells you.
Ruby: Gah- You know, that's really cool and all, but, like, seriously! What the hell?!
Yang: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Ruby: Ah, well, whatever.
Yang: Hey, guess what?
Ruby: What?
!
Yang: (Pops out of the scroll, Punches Ruby)
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ltlemon · 7 months
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kk I'm gonna live blog episode 6 of OFMD because it'll be funny MAJOR SPOILERS but also like everything's super spaced out so you could probably read along with my reactions? (no clue why you would do that but the option is there.)
fair warning this is really long but no one's going to actually read this so that's fine.
that opening shot is SOO PRETTY
who tf is this guy
'my love'? is he fruity and evil? evil and fruity?
'god that was a beautiful pitch, that was really nice'??? I THINK SO???
I might end up liking the evil gay violin man
hi ed <33
oh no trauma
DRAMA WITH THE GIRLLLS <33 (Izzys little wiggle is precious)
HE THOUGHT HE WAS ROACH???? HOW DRUNK IS HE HOT DAMN
he did say sorry though :')
they're sharing the bottle !! the only times ed has done that with anyone that I can remember has been with calico jack and stede
fock off >:(
aww stede put away all his stuff for him
's probably not a good idea though
oop, yep, caught it. guilt room :(
poor stede he looks like he feels a little bad now.
he's so sweet about it though. <3
ARCHIE!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER SM
AA LOOK AT HOW JIM LOOKS AT HER
HOLY SHIT THAT WAS A BIRTHDAY STORY?!?!? AHAHAH
GIRL YOU ARE INSANE
oluwande looks like he's doubting his partners choice of a third slightly
fang's sticking his pinky out!
hehehehe they want a party <33
YEAHHHH
aww not stede offering to give the loot up to a good cause
give it a new purpose, one not tied to ed's guilt
you interrupted their little meeting >:(
EEhehe
YES TURN POISON INTO POSITIVITY
that's what I said
aw ed's charmed
✨I'm gonna go walk my dogs now, I'll be back✨
okok I'm back and I have a quesadilla
oh cool Ricky's back
you were minding your buisness?? no tf you weren't
heh, his new nose is cute though, it's like fancy china
old wrapped his arm around Jim!!! the cuties ever!!
AWWWWW HES FUCKINDUWDHAH
HES GIVING MONEY TO RANDOM KIDS BC HE WAS POOR AS A KID ADSIJN
I love him so much
'filthy little gutter rats' I'm dying
INN RP???
'don't be pirates' 'yeah agreed don't be pirates 😀'
zheng!
girl what is wrong with you
wee John doing drag makeup!!!!!!!! EAHEIDHAB
izzy seems quite intrigued
AWW stede's so charmed by the party
it's rubbing off on ed too
omfg Jim's so silly
just a little guy
HOLY SHIT WEE JOHN LOOKS GOOD
eeeeee ed's little smile at stede <33
WHAT THE FUCK IZZY MUSICAL SCENE WHAT
WHAT THE FUCK
AND HE'S GOOD!?!?!?!?
WIAIYT WAIT WAIT ARE THEU GONNA DANCE
PLEASE PLEAAAASE TELL ME THEYRE GONNA DANCE
fang's clapping for izzy in the background ee
UEUEUEUE SOME PEOPLE ARE DANCING
Jim and Archie are so flipping cute omfg
holy shit??? hand kiss???
AWWWW <<3333
OH OH OH AND JIMS DANCING WITH OLU TOO
THEY REALLY DO HAVE TWO HANDS
HAH HOLY SHIT THE THREE OF THEM ARE TRYING SO HARD
JIM SANDWICH
!!!!
AW OH OH NO ED SHIELDING STEDE-
oh its gay violin man!
'oh I'm going to torture you all. by the way. 😃' sorry I forgot, I meant evil gay violin man.
I love how when ed says 'its because I only hang out with cool pirates' Stede's looking at him like he just delivered the burn of the century
oh holy shit stede's getting pissed he's like stop touching him
'oh shit! You struck a chord, I think you got it in one!' his face here is so wholesome aa
'you torture like a bitch' 'yes ok honey maybe you shouldn't say that it might get us killed'
AW NO THE LITTLE 'it's me you want ITS ME YOU WANT' he can deal with it, causing pain to himself because of an action he did is fine, he's used to that, but that pain coming to stede is unacceptable.
'so what's the plan you...weird...fock?' starting to like izzy
AHDJAKSJ I love Lucius and Pete sm ya'll
his little conductors baton is really cute
Lucius and Pete in the lower levels of the ship looking like a shot from Alien
omfg stede asking for her name is so cute'
'where were you 😡' 'we got engaged 😄' 'aww🥰' 'anyways- 😡'
'alright gang! let's talk profit sharing! 😄' I'm dead
'don't do it stede 🥺' crying sobbing shaking
holy fucking shit stede
OH NO
baby's looking haunted by the horrors in his bedroom
??????
WHAT??
THE LOOK ON HIS FACE???? I NEED TO REWIND HOLD ON
HOLY SHIT
EDS FACE TOO HE WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT
sir you just killed a man???? why do you want to fuck now????????
aw ok but Izzy's back to singing though <33
he likes it :))
PHEW HOLY SHIT WHOA
OK IM STAYING SILENT FOR THIS SCENE ILL TALK WHEN ITS DONE I CANT FLIP BACK AND FORTH DURING THIS ONE BOYS (gn)
THAT WAS SO GOOD
LUCIUS'S LITTLE DANCE, EVERYONE SINGING ALONG,
GAY SEX?!?!?!
AGAGAAHAH
omg they're shouting for an encore in the creditsaaa 🥺
and Archie and roach interact yay!!
wow. ok. so we were right about the gay sex hips!!!
wow. we were right about the gay sex hips....
on to episode seven. (I may die within the next 24 minutes.)
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Michael’s Original Voice Mail/Phone Call to William (Raw and Uneditted. TW: Swearing angry American Teenager, Peepaw Willy fearful for his Kneecaps)
YOU HAVE ONE NEW MESSAGE. BEEP.
“Dad. It’s me, your eldest fucking son, Michael. You are dead to me, you fucking shitty piece of shit! I went down there as you requested and guess what? Those animatronics were actively trying to kill and Elizabeth was in on it! You tricked me and got me killed, you deadbeat piece of shit! They tore my guts out and literally used my body as some sort of suit until my skin turned dead and purple and dumped me on the streets! The fact I’m alive is a damn miracle but now I can’t even finish school anymore thanks to being a walking carcass now! You ruined my fucking life and now a crazy killer robot Elizabeth is on the loose! If I find you, your kneecaps will be turned to dust! You hear me?! I will take a crowbar and smash your kneecaps in before beating it into your damn skull! Better start running and praying to God for once, Dad! Because I’m going to come find you and it’s bye-bye kneecaps!”
William Afton sat silently for a few moments after hearing that voicemail play automatically. He processed what he just heard and realized three things. One. His daughter Elizabeth was now free from the confines of Circus Babies Rentals and now he could try and locate her and create her a new body. Two, Michael wasn’t dead like he had hoped for and could be a problem. And three, Michael was alive and angry as hell to where now William’s knees were in danger of being busted. He slowly leaned back in his seat and simply muttered to himself. “Oh fock me.”
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little-cereal-draws · 2 years
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Ed gets baby fever pt 2
It's been a couple days since they went to Mary's house for tea and Ed feels like he's living in a dream. He goes around the ship picking out spots where they'll have picknicks with their new kids, imagining helping them steer the boat, and pre-finding all the best hiding spots for when they play hide and seek. He's even begun plans for a way to extend his and Stede's bed so the kids could sleep with them. Everyone else on the boat is dumbfounded.
"Can't believe you're having kids," says Lucius.
"We're not," says Stede, worried, "I told him I'm not ready. I love kids and I love my kids, but I've never been in a relationship like this before and I don't want to rush to that stage."
"Well, he got after me and Jim the other day for having knives laying around because a kid could hurt themselves on it!" says Roach. Jim nods.
"He's asked me and Wee John to start sewing baby clothes as well," adds Frenchie. "We don't even know what the baby's going to look like! How can we make clothes for it??"
They all watch in silence as Ed tries to get Izzy to be his makeshift baby so he can practice swaddling. Izzy escapes and runs over growling, "Going to your ex's house was a focking mistake, Bonnet. Edward's mind is all scrambled and it's your fault."
Stede sighs, "I know." After a second in thought, a thought slowly dons on him. "I know Ed had a no pets policy on his ship but technically this is my ship. What if we got him a pet? A small little someone to look after. That might satisfy him."
The crew murmurs in agreement, Frechie calling out, "Just not a cat!"
They dock as soon as they can and start their secret mission. Half the crew is on distracting Ed duty and the other half is to find anywhere selling alive animals and get something cuddly. They search the whole place but can only find dried butchered remains of animals. Finally, one stall owner admits that he does have a tortoise, but its purpose is to be killed and butchered on the ship incase food runs out and there's no ports nearby. Stede gladly pays for it, ignoring the excited look on Roach's face.
It's quite a task to get it back to The Revenge but eventually they get there. They get it up on deck right as the distracting Ed group gets back. "What's that?" he asks.
"This is a present for you," Stede says, "I know how badly you want to look after something, so we got you this turtle."
Ed looks at it suspiciously, Stede nervously smiling, before announcing, "His name is Herbert." He picks it up and marches off, giving Herbert a tour of the boat, showing him the kitchen, the different sails, and his bed (meaning Ed and Stede's bed). The whole boat sighs in relief. This will surely have consequences in the future but for now, crisis adverted.
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just-miru · 2 years
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silly @terrence-self-ships look! :D
been playing with a silly generator while Jeremy was climbing some trees in the park and this is the result-
---
Jeremy: how did none of you hear what i just said?!
Terrence: i've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.
Miru: i got distracted halfway through-
William: ignoring you was a conscious decision.
---
Terrence: you know, William gives Miru flowers everyday. i wish you would do that too.
Jeremy: okay!
*later*
Jeremy: *gives Miru flowers*
Miru: :D???
Jeremy: i don't know dude, i am confused as well.
---
Terrence: i'm cold.
Jeremy: here, take my hoodie.
*meanwhile*
Miru: i'm cold.
William: i can't control the bloody weather, Miru.
---
Jeremy: hey Miru, wanna third wheel on my date with Terrence tomorrow?
Miru: sure :D
Jeremy: William! wanna third wheel on my date with Terrence tomorrow?
William: n-
Jeremy: great! i've always wanted to go on a double date! :D
Miru and William: ...
Terrence: Jeremy-
---
Jeremy: i sleep with a gun under my pillow.
Terrence: i sleep with a knife.
Miru: both of you are pathetic.
Jeremy: oh yeah? what do you sleep with?
Miru: William-
---
Terrence: a pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
Jeremy: an optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
Miru: a realist sees a freight train.
William: and the train driver sees three bloody idiots standing on the focking tracks.
---
Jeremy: time sensitive question! how flirt boy?
Miru: throw rocks at the-
Terrence: hot dogs.
William: kill him.
Jeremy: thank you, guys.
---
Jeremy and Terrence in the back of William's car: MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS!
Miru: you sillies, we have food at home :0
William: *pulls into the McDonald's drivethrough*
Jeremy and Terrence: YAAAY!!! :DDD
William: *orders one black coffee and leaves*
---
Miru: what is love?
Terrence: an emotional minefield.
William: a neurochemical reaction.
Jeremy: ...Baby don't hurt me-
---
[tw suggestive | thought it was funny so i added it :D]
Miru: William! i can't do this stupid math!
William: wot's the math problem?
Miru: well, we have to add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and hope we don't multiply-
Terrence, covering Jeremy's ears while William smacks Miru over the head: not gonna lie, that was hella smooth.
---
Terrence: your smile? it makes my day.
Miru: your happiness? i live for that.
William: a room? get one.
Jeremy: hotel? trivago!
---
Jeremy: what are you getting Miru for holidays?
William: i don't know. it's kinda hard buying a gift for your partner when they already got everything they could've ever wanted when they married you. so, i am not sure yet.
Terrence: i'm getting Miru a divorce lawyer-
---
William: where's Miru?
Jeremy: don't worry, i will find her.
Jeremy, shouting: Terrence sucks!
Miru, from afar: how dare you?! Terrence is the best person ever! fuck you-
Jeremy: found 'em.
---
William: why's the brat crying on the floor?
Miru: he's high.
William: and?
Miru: he saw a picture of Terrence's boyfriend.
William: but he's Terrence's boyfriend.
Miru: i know.
---
Miru: i give up. i am so tired.
Terrence: get the emergency supply!
Jeremy: *carries William and places him in Miru's lap*
William: 'ello, luv.
Miru: anD I AM BACK BABYGIRL, LET'S GOOOO-
---
William: for fock's sake! could you idiots at least try to see things from my bloody perspective for once?!
Jeremy: *crouches down*
Terrence: *sits on the floor*
Miru: *kneels down*
William: i focking hate you all-
---
Miru: pffft- that's ridiculous! William doesn't have a crush on me!
Terrence: yes he does.
Jeremy: yes he does.
William: yes i do.
---
Terrence, teaching Jeremy how to drive: ok, you're driving when suddenly Dave and Miru walk into the road. quick, what do you hit?
Jeremy: oh, definitely Dave! i could never hurt Miru.
Terrence, massaging his temples: the breaks, Jeremy. you hit the breaks.
---
Miru: when i met you i thought you were a real bitch.
William: wot changed your mind?
Miru: oh, i still think you're a bitch! i've just grown to really love that about you.
---
Terrence: is there anyone here who's actually straight?
William: *raises hand*
Miru: *puts his hand down*
---
Dave: Jeremy! for the love of god, turn down that music! i have a hangover.
Jeremy, blasting the mii theme at full volume: that sounds like a you problem, not a mii problem.
[also, have something similar here]
---
shape-shifter: *shape-shifts to look like Espresso*
Espresso: are you blind? you look nothing like me. first off, i am way taller. secondly i do not look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you'd be a 7 on a good day while i've been told i am a constant 10.
---
Michael: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!
Michael: *aggressively throws water bottles*
Jeremy: uhm... what's up with him?
Miru: he's trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us i am afraid.
Michael: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!
Terrence, crying: it's working-
---
Jeremy: how do you connect with your people a fictional character?
Michael, William, Dave and Espresso: what?
Miru: *pulls out a 500 slides presentation*
Terrence: we're glad you asked!
---
Terrence: i'm 80% awesome, 20% water and 100% handsome.
William: that's 200%, ya idiot.
Terrence: i'm twice the man you'll ever be.
---
William: if i die, you can have wot little i own.
Michael: wait- what do you mean "if" you die?
William: my unending existence is fueled by pure spite, that of which the painful experiences of life have rendered me full.
Michael: *sighs*
Michael: that's it fatha, i am calling your therapist.
---
Dave: i am not doing to well.
Miru: oh, babygirl D: what's wrong?
Dave: i have this head ache that comes and goes.
*Jeremy enters the room*
Dave: there it is again-
---
Jeremy: do you ever think? because i do not-
---
Dave: yeah, i am LGBT.
Dave: cuLt leader.
Dave: God hates me personally.
Dave: cowBoy hat.
Dave, sniffling: Trying my best.
---
:DDD
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hope you enjoyed the sillies! :D
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taegularities · 2 years
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Rid, did you see the whole perilla leaf and shrimp discussion and how members are okay/not okay with their significant others helping their friends??
Ok so don't ask me why but all I could think of is the members who said no, going back home and telling their real partners to take the hint. That they'd be pretty focking mad if something like that happened. Help, my heart hurts. Like it could be absolutely true and we'd never know? Imagine them watching the lab episode today and laughing with their significant others???? Kill me now
okay so i just learned about this, bcos i was Not Mentally There all day LMAO but all i can think of is jk immediately going "they can't help" and tae saying "i'd have a fight with them", men really said "mine. touch them and 🔪" WHICH. U KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?! THEY ARE THE JEALOUS KIND WHO WANT U JUST FOR THEMSELVES >:( idk how to cope
no but u are so right, them going home to their S.O. must be damn hilarious tho. yoongi's partner being "excuse me wtf, u don't give a shit?" while jk's or so being all "🥺 my jealous baby 🥺" LMAOOOO they'd totally laugh their asses off 😭
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aquagustd · 2 years
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english anon is back!
just passing to say that i may take a time out from tumblr a bit. i probably still read ahie, but i take some time to comment again.
honestly, the whole grammy broke my heart in a lot of pieces. I lost the red carpet, but when I saw Olivia & Tae interaction, I knew something was off. In the beginning, i thought i was being a stupid crazy fan to be bother about the scene (or blaming my period), however....it felt wrong. Like, the boys are fine but I realized how Hobi was acting weird since he landed at USA; Jins situation;how everything was rushed; they didn't win...I kinda was overwhelmed about emotions & almost cried!!! (crazy)
Everything made sense after the Tae's photo. I mean, i saw a lot people saying "it's not a big deal, he is a grown man, he is so hot smoking"... it's kinda send my off even more? The whole existence of the photo was the real deal. It should never be taken, neither to be used as harmful weapon. The person, who did this, has no boundaries; use someones relax time or addiction to harm them for no reason. And i understand the comments, although... idk if i am overdramatic or i just know this position very well, that makes me suffer like it was with me, or a friend of mine. I just think going to "adult & hot" is not a good response (actually, we shouldn't even respond to it more than support or just ignore it, if it does not bother you). Not judging anyone, just... realizing that thing change a lot from who people deal with things, i guess.
Anyway LET'S TALK ABOUT THE GOOD.
JIMIN & YOONGI WEREEEE 🔥❤️✨💗😍💕✨ AT GRAMMYS.
ACTUALLY THE BOYS PERFORMANCE WAS E V E R Y T H I N G! 🥵✨
Jimin almost killed 20 times. WHAT WAS THE TONGUE FOR, MR PARK? (Yes, i know who you are Mr Park 😏😎)
ALSO, i saw you want Jimin as bf...hm, if i was you I will not lost the opportunity to take Yoongi to a good ride at a marriage's drive thru in Las Vegas (he is so knowledgeable
about it!)
am I saying it cuz i want Jimin all to myself? Oh no baby! But let's talk who was in the line first 👰💅🏻
Ok, I'm kidding. And sorry about the rant, i just want to tell you I didn't give up on hies theories & analysis, and i will keep reading it.
Soon, I will be back ❤️
ah you will be missed <3 i totally understand - i also get sad all over again especially when i see that pic of yoongi covering his eyes 😭 but they’re strong & they’re better than the scammys !! im not gonna say much about it bc i really don’t want to open discussion but they absolutely killed it !!!! 😩😩😩 i think i watched that performance probably a billion times now like the whole spy concept AND the ALL BLACK OUTFITS FOCK 🫦🫦🫦
and yoongi talking about the drive through wedding thingy lmfao pls 💀 ofc he would know about that !! my ring finger is empty for you yoongi 🫣🤪🤩
it’s alright !! i understand & i hope you have a good break. i look forward to hearing from you again ♡
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period-dramallama · 3 years
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Spanish Princess Episode 8: it’s the final countdown *kazoo*
Y’all it’s been a privilege roasting this show with you *salutes*
-oh wow the first scene is intense.
-Henry’s doublet, OTOH, looks... OK.
-the actress playing baby Mary is just perfect and when she smiles...my lil heart...grows three sizes. 
-Maggie don’t shout that the king is a monster in a public corridor of the king’s own palace when he’s literally just turned the corner what are you doing
-Also if you hear the king raging, the wise thing to do is probably to hide, not to go towards the noise.
-Yes, it’s cold and foolish of Katherine to be like “screw up again Maggie and I’m not saving you” but honestly?? you can’t save people that stupid?? and katherine only has so much influence she can’t run around saving you dumbasses??
-OTOH, pissing off the women who know your darkest secret... is like tap dancing on a minefield. 
-poor Vives in the background. He’s already been through so much before he even got to England, RUN VIVES RUN
-good costumes on Alexander Stewart. This episode i started to see why megander is a ship.
-”what the fock is this” it’s the finale baybeeee
-Maggie looks so done. Everyone looks so done.
-There’s a black iron doorbell in the background of Maggie’s house, i think it dates from the Victorian period. Pretty sure doorbells weren’t a sixteenth century thing.
-”I prefer your sister Mary” I can’t stop laffin
-Albany’s like “ok fine have your own way i do not get paid enough to deal with your love life.” Maybe the guy wasn’t even acting. 
-Musicians!
-Imo Henry Fitzroy has stage fright, I don’t think the kid is stupid.
-I *do* like the friendly smile and the compliment Thomas More gives bby Fitzroy here. Like yeah he’s evil but I’m glad they didn’t do what they do with 99% of their villains and make him twirl his moustache and be an ass for no reason.
-”Wolsey fans the flames to further his own power” WE KNOW! WE’VE WATCHED HIM DO THAT FOR SEVEN EPISODES!
-Leave Papa Boleyn alone!! He did not pimp his daughters!! Henry sought her!!
-No Mary Boleyn/Henry affair? No wonder PGregs is unhappy, you retconned TOBG out of existence.
-Maggie is it necessarily a good idea to tell the king this?? Because he might be so mad at you for keeping secrets that he doesn’t reward you anything, and then you’re worse off than you were before.
-As my eminent colleague has shown, in one shot Vives is there behind Katherine, then he’s missing in the next shot, then in the next shot he’s back again! He can teleport! Hone your powers my baby boy!! Teleport your ass out of England!!!
-The dialogue is so bad but the sass is so good
-”Did you bring Wolsey here to kill me?” Wolsey as ninja assassin? Now you’re ripping off Elizabeth as well as The Tudors
-Lina and Oviedo did emigrate IRL, but they went back to Spain not to the Ottoman Empire
-I think they did Maggie dirty, the real Margaret Pole refused to surrender the jewels of either Mary or Katherine and was their supporter through the KGM. Her lands weren’t confiscated afaik until after Katherine died. 
-”daughters should be part of the household as her ladies” WHAT HAVE ANNE AND MARY BEEN DOING ALL SEASON?? IF NOT BEING CATHERINE’S LADIES?? WHAT??? DID YOU FORGET??
-I was not prepared for the nudity
-Anne I Iove you so much but comb your goddamn hair why is your hair so scruffy for your midnight flashing sesh?
-”Advance!” He says like he has more than 2 homies
-Meg’s gone crazy. See this is what happens when you’re too empowered, showrunners make you crazy. What’s with the freaky close ups. (Though she does look like Alexandra Moen, so well done)
-So relieved that it’s canon that she wanted to shoot Henry not Anne.
-This episode went heavy with the Bible quotes. It’s like they remembered at the last minute that it’s the sixteenth century
-Lina and Katherine of Aragon saying I love yous... they nailed that scene so I love it out of context. I wish Katherine complimented Lina more than vice versa, but it was still beautiful.... completely unearned but I’m a sucker for women being tender with other women. :’)
-”i believe I am wealthier, Your Majesty” Alexa play Snoop Dog’s La-da-da-da-dahh
-Maggie at the beginning of the episode: those who have everything should be afraid. Maggie at the end of the episode: whoop time to ignore my own advice
-no cathartic downfall of Wolsey, after all his moustache twirling?? No Blackfriars dramatic speech?? Okay then...
-My prediction was correct! We have a montage!
-My last thought of the entire show is......will the parrot be OK?? I don’t think that parrot’s gonna be OK, I think a hawk’s gonna nab it in five seconds flat. How’s it going to find food when it’s been fed all its life by humans? The parrot!
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oh-theres-a-woman · 4 years
Text
Blood Doilies; Part Six
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A/N:  This part was a little while in the making. When I started planning I got hit with some major medication issues. So, I had to halt the production of this chapter in the hopes that if I came back to writing it would give a better narrative. Still planning to expand on this story heaps more. Allowing the reader to enjoy the fluff and other things to come. 
My thoughts are next part will have a bit of a time skip, so be prepared. There might a possibility of smut coming into this story too--with the progression of the relationship between Tommy and Reader’s character. So, stay tuned if that’s something you’d also like to see!! 
Parts: [ 1 ], [ 2 ], [ 3 ], [ 4 ], [ 5 ], [ 7 ], [ 8 ], [ 9 ] 
Taglist: @zodiyack, @itsfrancisneptun​, @hesagod-notyet​, @fandom-fucking-shit​, @hinagiku0​, @dylanlover24​
Word Count: 917
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There had been a stillness in the air after the hours of conversation ended. Present wavering exhaustion rippling through your body that made you lay back into the tower of pillows were piled at your back. A feeling of soft and hard mixed together. It was peaceful—like being cushioned but clouds around your head. Or perhaps, that was the only sense you make of it since the morphine killed in for the pain some time ago. 
Slipping into a state of sleep eased by the warmth of a larger hand stroking your cheek as you drifted. It took you hours to stir. Polly had come to take care of the children. Little Annabeth held onto her dolly throughout the day, Marcus cooed into his fat little fists at Polly's hip. However, Shelby's second mother figure took one look at the scene before her and smiled. Easing the bedroom door silently shut after leaving a note about the children. In the hopes to still all the worries and fears that came from a mother when their child is absent.
No, she also smiled and left you and Tommy there to sleep. In a certain position that made it look like you were curled in together. It was the start of many good things to come. Polly was certain of this. Like a dream had come to her in the night—another Shelby baby. Tommy's child. 
When you finally stirred it was well past mid-day. You weren't quite sure if you were still dreaming looking at Thomas so at ease in his sleep. Something told you deep down this was something amazing to see the formidable man so at ease and comfortable. Whisps of his dark brown fringe fell down slightly covering his brow. From this angle, you saw the roughness of his skin and features. 
Not quite able to help yourself, you ran fingers lightly through those dark locks. Entranced one could say. Thomas Shelby had that effect on a lot of women—it was one of the very first warnings you were given about such a man. Friends that you used to speak to on the frequent had warned when your husband was summoned and you answered to call—in the hopes to settle something once and for all. However, you weren't at all expecting the whirlwind that came of it all. 
There you were, widowed. Your abuser was gone, he was no longer a risk to the children. It was a feeling of relief mixed with admiration. Admiration for a certain Blinder that saved you from no doubt being beaten to death one day. 
"That feels nice, [Y/N]." Spoke Thomas, his normal Birmingham speech laced with sleep. Which made him somewhat more mortal than the god-like pedestal he and the people of Birmingham had situated the Peaky Blinders on. 
After all… They were the law outside of the law. Keeping the peace more than even the coppers could. 
"I'm glad you like it," that was bold coming from you. You'd never in the past spoken so forwardly, but there was something about Thomas focking Shelby that made a burst of hot confidence build up on the inside. A rawness. It was exciting, to say the least.
The dry chuckle that came from the man-made you weak, not half as weak as the smile that rugged his cheeks upwards. Somewhat of a first in sincereness and tenderness. Closing your eyes lightly you felt his rough palm against bruised cheeks, then your collarbone. Thumb momentarily tracing against her bottom lip for a second there as well.  Budding a thrill that came to life with your every fibre and caused a warmth in your core. A fire, not even your late husband could fuel in his days of being the doting spouse.
Opening her eyes, she looked into Tommy's. God, he's so close. His eyes are like the beautiful stones a girl could dream of in a luxury jewellery shop window. So clear and charming. You thought as Tommy closed the distant resting his forehead against your own and huffed a weak sigh. "I thought I'd had as much lost you there in that alley. You were so still, it was haunting. Seen too many men die—France got you used to those horrors." His voice was strained with emotion and terror harbour deep down in his very black soul. 
Cupping your cheeks he sighed at the thought, the fact that he almost lost you. A woman that had sparked a bit of life and thawed the frost over his heart. 
Blinking back a moment, taken from this place on earth. You could have sworn his words were a dream. Like the taste of his lips against your broken lips moments after. Even with the pain, you were in your thought that it was needed to savour that moment. Wrapping your arms around his strong shoulders, pressing yourself against the kiss you’d received. Returning it was a wild vigour that had Tommy’s hand lightly entangled within your hair. It wasn’t long before he pulled away observing you for a moment before smiling tenderly. Kissing your brow. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a few days now, just didn’t want you to pull away,” Tommy commented, thumb stroking your jaw gently. 
“I don’t think I’d ever been able to pull away from you,” you replied with a rather sheepish smile. “I’m like a moth drawn to a flame when it comes to you,” you finished with a soft kiss to his lips. 
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gltzgghln · 4 years
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pokemon 31-day drawing challenge day 16: favorite poison type
OOOOOOO Y’ALL KNEW THIS WAS COMIN’ BABEY!!!!!!!
it should come. to no surprise that skuntank gets a place here. skuntank is what got me into pokemon in the first place. i was the Skunk Kid growing up. skunks (+ generally anything stinky) were my WORLD and still are today (side eyes url 👀). i thought they were so cute and their spray was really interesting and every fictional skunk jus fuckin got m heart goin crazy and fuckin!! htey’re so COOL!!!! I LOVE SKUNKSS and i found out abt skuntank when i heard his dex entry on my tv goin
“Skuntank, the Skunk Pokémon and the evolved form of Stunky. It sprays a horrible smelling liquid from the tip of its tail.“
and my 8-9y/o brain went all “bitch?? a skunk creature??? ON MY TV???? IN FRONT OF MY SAL” and i just took tf off and fell in love wiff ALL da monz. but skuntank... despite unown... despite zoroark... never left my heart
dudduuduudehbvdf dude it’s a tank. it’s a Stank Tank is not jus spray bro it’ss a fockin BLAZT OF A WHOLE NEW WAFT!!!!!!! TH GUN TAIL TURNS INTO A FOCKING POMPADOUR!!!!!!!!! SICKEST SHIT EVER and jsut lookat em he’s so fluffy!!! so chumby!!!! lemme smush his widdle butt face and orange schnozz!!!!!!
he breathes fire!!!! he can explode!!!! (be careful if you taught yours explosion o.o”) he can scratch like a MOTHERUCKER!!!!! HE CAN JSUT STRAIGHT UP BARF ACID AND TOXIC SLIME AT U!!!!!!!!!!! and aside from smellin bad he can beat the shit out of u before dying ORRR never lose accuracy. killing machine
stunky and skuntank are real right. w. we have eht tEchnology to bring htem here rihgt
skuntank was always there for me... always countin on me... motivational fart machine... thank u for my life... i love u so much 💜💛💜💛💜💛
my skuntank in sword’s name is peppers!!! he’s baby and has a MEEEEEEAAAAAAAN night slash and flamethrower
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bards-witcher · 5 years
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Maybe a continuation on the previous Terroriser gangbang fic with Delirious or someone showing up and him and Terroriser get to work only to see the cum still in him and decide to eat him out and drink his friends' cum out of Brian's ass?
So I’m calling this part 3 of the gang bang saga, here’s part 1, and part 2.
As always I hope you enjoy it :D and I’m sorry for how long it took.
Warning: Explicit
.
Despite it being mid-morning he couldn’t help but yawn as he tried to keep his eyes open on the short walk up to Tylers’ house, despite his messed-up sleep schedule, he was surprised how tired he actually was from having to wake up early to catch his plane, he felt delirious almost.
He smiled at his joke as he dragged his feet up the stairs, hoping that someone would be up when he rang the doorbell, he’d texted Luke almost an hour ago, but with no reply, he soon felt his nerves setting in.
The anxiety of the unknown making its presence ever greater was enough to wake him up though, this was the first time his friends would be seeing him in person, and whilst he knew things would undoubtedly go well, he was more than grateful that Luke was here, someone who he knew would always support him.
When the door finally opened, he let out the breath he was holding as he saw Luke in the doorway, smiling at the older man before he quickly dropped his case in favor of reaching forward to bring him into a hug.
“About time you got here, motherfucker”
“Well some of us still gotta work, asshole” He smiled as he pulled away from his friend, moving around him to stand into the entryway, whistling a little as he looked around at the house “Damn, this place looks good, is Tyler around?”
He turned back around to see Luke carrying in his suitcase before shutting the door behind him, dropping the case as his feet before stretching his back a little bit.
“He just left to go an’ pick up some of the guys, me an’ Evan are the only ones up right now”
“Evan’s here already? Is anyone else here too?” He followed Luke as he made his way towards the kitchen, grateful for the hot cup of coffee that was shoved into his hands.
“Brian and Scotty, everyone else is comin’ today” He hummed a little at the news, surprised that Brian would be here given that it was a 4th of July celebration, but he wasn’t going to complain as his mind started to wonder with some of the more explicit thoughts he’d had of the Irishman over recent months.
He ignored the strange glance Luke gave him as he felt a blush color his cheeks, indulging himself a little more in his thoughts, enjoying the fact that he’d be spending the next week with the Irishman, plenty of time to make his move.
So deep in his thoughts that he jumped a little when he heard footsteps behind him, turning only to see Evan tentatively walking towards him, a shy smile on his face.
“Delirious?”
“The one and only” He put down his coffee cup in favor of holding his arms out to bring the younger man into a hug, pulling him tight against him as they smiled and laughed at finally being united.
Easy chatter then flowed easily between the three of them as they moved to sit back in the living room, smiling into his cup at the little glances he could see between the two of them, not to mention the little quips and lingering touches, and last but not least, noting the slight limp Evan seemed to have when he walked.
He was happy for the both of them, as he saw the relationship developing between the two of them. It was about time Luke found someone and he’s glad he found it in a friend, feeling assured in the fact that he knew Evan would treat his brother right, but even still he’d make sure to give his customary threat to the younger man to warn him not to harm Luke.
It had been about an hour since he arrived that the others finally joined them, trying his best not to ogle as Brian came down wearing only a pair of sweatpants, feeling jealousy prickle at the back of his neck as he saw the hickies littering his neck and chest, watching the Irishman distinctly curl in on himself under his glare whilst everyone else just smirked at him.
Still, he stood up to bring his friend into a hug, gripping him tight, possessively almost, for several seconds longer than what would be considered friendly, not that he cared. At least until he saw the younger man’s wince of pain as he tried to walk, noting the limp to his stride which Brian tried his best to hide, feeling his hackles rise up somewhat at the fact.
It’s several hours later that he’s finally settled down, having been introduced to a number of his other friends as the house quickly became full of people, noise filtering through the house no matter where you stood, his initial worry having melted away at the new, but strangely familiar scenario due to the presence of his friends around him.
It’s now late afternoon when he finds Brian alone in the kitchen cleaning up a couple of utensils, quietly sneaking up behind him to press himself against the other man’s back, laughing at the shout of surprise from the younger man.
“What tha fock, Del, you tryin’ to kill me”
“I was jus’ admirin’ the view” He appreciated the blush that colored Brians’ cheeks, noting that after the initial shock, the other man made no move to leave his hold, in fact, he’s sure Brian was pressing back against him slightly, hiding his smile in the Irishman’s shoulder.
Tentatively he moved a hand to Brian’s hip, feeling the other man stiffen in his hold for all of a second before relaxing again, sure that he can hear a breathless sigh from the other man as his finger began to tempt the skin just underneath his shirt.
“Del-”
“Call me Jon”
“Jon…I don’t know if this is a good idea”
“Why not? I’ve seen the marks all over your chest, you worried about whoever left them findin’ out? D’you think they’d notice if I left a couple of my own?” He laughed a little as he let his teeth graze the other man’s neck, enjoying the shiver he can feel travel through the other man.
“Jon”
He hums at the shuddering exhale of his name as he gently trails his nails across the other man’s abdomen, feeling another shiver travel through the man at the touch, kissing the back of his neck when he feels Brian grind his ass back against his dick a little bit.
“Is that a yes?” The nod from Brian is all he needs before he’s grabbing onto his hand and dragging him towards the laundry room he’d found earlier in his exploration of the house, bringing the man into a heated kiss as soon as the door shut behind them.
He wasted no time in taking off the younger man’s shirt, quickly unbuckling and tugging his jeans down as well before lifting him to sit on the edge of the washer.
Immediately he made his way between his parted legs, pressing kisses across his neck and giving small nips here and there as he felt Brian grip at his hair, letting out a moan as he felt Brians’ other hand try to take off his shirt.
With a small growl he broke away from the Irishman to tear off his shirt before pressing against him again, hands moving to the back of Brians’ thighs to bring his ass to the edge of the machine below him, his hands beginning to palm whatever part of the other man’s ass that he could reach.
With a final nip of his teeth on the younger man’s collarbone, he moved his hand so that his finger could begin to tease at his hole, only to find his way blocked by hard rubber.
He gave Brian a confused look for a moment, watching as the other man’s face blushed bright red before he knelt down, maneuvering the other man slightly so that he could see his ass, feeling his dick twitch a little as he saw the plug sitting comfortably in Brians’ ass.
He raised a testing hand forward, his finger hooking around the small metal loop at the plug’s base and giving the slightest of tugs, watching with a somewhat fascinated look on his face as he saw Brians’ ass clench around it in an effort to keep it in.
Through hooded eyes he looked up at the Irishman, who’s blush had now spread to his chest and eyes dark with lust as he looked down on him expectantly, he simply gave the other man a final smirk before he turned back to the plug, gently pulling it out as the man above him writhed slightly.
Once the plug was out his eyes became fixed on Brians’ hole, watching it clench around air before he saw come trickling out of it, licking his lips a little as he watched it begin to trail down between his ass cheeks.
When he saw the first drop of come threaten to fall to the floor he immediately leaned up to catch it with his tongue, licking back up the trail it had made back to Brians’ hole, teasing the edge of his rim a little, but not pushing his tongue in yet.
He pulled away again, watching with bated breath as more come leaked from the other man, only this time he didn’t wait as he once again moved to lick at it, moaning at the taste and the hand he could feel begin to tug at his hair.
It wasn’t long before he moved away again, smiling at the strained groan he could hear from Brian as he gave the hole one last lick before moving the plug to press into him once again, enjoying the slight hitch in breath from the Irishman once it was fully seated before he stood back up, immediately leaning down to kiss the other man.
The both of them moaned into the kiss, pressing himself as closely as he could to the other man as his hands moved to grip at his hips as he ground his still clothed dick on Brians’ bare ass.
“See you hadda lot of fun last night, wanna tell me who the lucky fella is?” He smirked a little as Brian remained silent, moving his lips from the other man’s mouth to begin sucking small marks across his neck “You not gonna talk, baby”
All he got from the other man was a strained groan as he sucked harshly on a particular spot on his neck, laughing a little at the tight hold he felt grab onto his hair as he began to lick at the bite mark he’d made before he began to nibble at it.
He moved his hand to tug at the plug in Brian again, huffing a laugh when the other man squirmed underneath him, teasing at his rim a little more as he kissed his way up the other man’s throat to then nibble at his ear.
“C’mon Brian, tell me who filled you up” There were a couple of exhales from the younger man, as if he was trying to get an answer out, only he could do little else but hold onto him and let him do as he pleased, which was more than fine with him “Was it Tyler? Or maybe Scotty? Evan? Luke?” He punctuated each name with a kiss, but when there was no answer he pulled away to face the Irishman “Or was it all of ‘em,”
He couldn’t help but laugh when he saw Brians’ face turn bright red, the other man turning his head away from him slightly to avert his gaze, all whilst he nervously bit at his bottom lip.
“You let all of ‘em fuck you, baby? Betcha I could fuck you better than all of ‘em”
“Quit talkin’ and prove it then” He couldn’t stop the wide smile on his face, one that he could see made Brian almost instantly regret ever saying it, but he only leaned down to nuzzle at his neck whilst he slowly began to pull the plug out.
“Oh I ain’t gonna fuck you today Bri, I’m jus’ wonderin’ what they’ll do to you tonight when they find your ass empty,” He smiled into Brians’ neck as he spoke, chuckling a little when he felt a shiver travel down the other man’s spine “And I’ll be on the other side of that door listenin’ to everythin’,”
“Del, please,”
“From now on your gonna-gonna meet me here e’rryday so I can lick the come out of you before I fuck you so good, agreed?” With his mouth nibbling at Brians’ neck he felt the other man nod his head whilst he let out a plea, the Irishman quickly bringing him into another short kiss before he pulled away, laughing at the small whine from Brian before he was kneeling again.
He kept his eyes fixed on the other man, eager to see his reaction as he pulled the plug out of him again and watching him let out a small moan as he leaned his head back before he quickly looked down to watch as the come began to leak out of his hole.
As before, he separated the distance between them to lick it back up, his hands reaching up to part his ass cheeks so that he could begin to probe his tongue at his hole.
He moaned a little at the taste, using his hands to manoeuvre the other man a little as he finally pushed his tongue into him, letting out a small chuckle at the broken moan from Brian and the hand he could feel tangle in his hair as his tongue kept lapping as best as it could at the come still in the Irishman.
Making sure that Brian was balanced on the machine, he reached a hand down to pull his straining dick out of his pants, only giving it a couple of strokes before his hand wandered up to Brians’ dick, chuckling again at the drawn-out groan from the other man as he began fucking his tongue into his hole as well as now moving his hand to match the pace he’d set.
In the next moment he was pulling his tongue out, ignoring the whine from Brian as he slowly moved his other hand still on Brians’ ass to gently press a finger into his hole, keen to prevent the remaining come from escaping whilst he moved his mouth to begin sucking at the other man’s balls a little, enjoying the small breathless sighs from him before the hand in his hair was tugging him further up so that he was now facing Brians’ dick.
He aimed a wicked smile up at the Irishman, making sure that the other man was watching him as he eagerly began sucking at the other man’s dick, all whilst his finger started to fuck into him.
On a particular movement of his mouth that had Brians’ dick hitting the back of his throat, he had to move the hand that had been on the other man’s dick onto his hip instead to keep him fixed in place due to the thrust Brian gave at the treatment.
However, the other man didn’t despair too long as he quickly let out a short cry when he angled the thrust of his finger slightly, a sly smile now on his lips now that he knew he’d hit his prostate.
He kept up the motion, leaving Brian nothing a moaning mess above him, blabbering words that made no sense but could only pick out his name every now and then as he continued to suck the other man down, at least until he’d had enough and pulled off, ignoring the hand trying to tug him back down as he began to nip at the pale thighs either side of his head.
As he began placing small marks along his thighs, previously untouched skin which he was sure would get the Irishman into hot water with the other guys when they found them, the fact sending a small shiver through him at as he gradually started moving his mouth back towards his hole, licking at the rim where some come had been forced out due to his finger still fucking into him.
He stilled his finger for a moment, moving it slightly to rub against the other man’s prostate before moving it around in an effort to pick up as much come as he could before pulling it out, once again looking up at Brian as he worked his tongue around his finger in an effort to lick off every last drop that he could.
He watched as Brian lay back on the washer so that he could trail a hand to his dick, allowing the other man to jerk himself off a little, only to then pull Brians’ hand from his dick to replace it with his own, not wasting another moment before he was pressing his tongue into his hole again, quickly picking up the pace all while Brian ground back against him.
He kept up the movements, even when his wrist started to hurt and his jaw ache, but it was more than worth it when he heard Brian finally lose it, a broken shout of his name which quickly derailed into short moans and whines, pulling his tongue out of him so that he could stand up to watch the rest of his orgasm, letting out a small hum as he saw the copious amount of come coating his chest.
With a whine from Brian and the way he tried to move away from his hold, he released the hand that had been on the other man’s dick to move it to his own, jacking himself off as fast as he could, letting out small grunts as he tried to pry his orgasm out of him.
He felt himself edging ever closer to his release, however, he was stopped by a hand on his wrist, looking up at Brian who now had a determined look on his face before shoving him away slightly so that he could get off of the washer to instead kneel in front of him.
Without wasting another moment he felt Brian grip at his dick before furiously jerking him off, leaving him unable to do much else as he cupped the side of the younger man’s head with his hand, biting his lip to keep back some of his louder moans and watching through hooded eyes as Brian let out his own small moans, mouth open, practically panting against the head of his dick which only sent another shot of pleasure through him.
It was then that his orgasm hit him like a brick wall, having snuck up on him so that he could barely get out a strangled groan before he was coming across Brians’ face, the other man didn’t seem to mind as he eagerly pumped his fist, sticking his tongue out to catch a couple of ropes of come before letting him finish across the rest of his face, the sight of his come now coating Brians’ face giving him a sick sense of satisfaction.
It was with a pained grunt that Brian finally released the hold he had on his dick, giving the other man a bright, lopsided smile that was easily returned to him, his expression softening slightly as he continued to watch him.
With the hand still cupping Brians’ face, he began to trail a thumb through his come before bringing it to edge at the other man’s lips, humming when it was eagerly sucked into the younger man’s mouth, his tongue making sure to lick off every drop before he withdrew it to drag across his face again, repeating the process over and over until there was no sign of him on the Irishman but the marks he’d left.
He continued to stare at him for a moment longer before pulling the other man up to face him, bringing him into a slow kiss that the other man seemed more than willing to share with him, trailing his hands down his body to grab at his thighs before picking him up to once again set him down on the washer, content to just enjoy the moment he’d dreamed about for so long.
It was only when his need for air made itself known that he pulled away, leaning down to begin nipping at his neck before trailing further down further to begin licking at the come still coating Brians’ chest with long swipes of his tongue.
He chuckling when he felt Brian squirm beneath him, the other man trying to keep back his own laugh as he lapped at his stomach until his head was finally pulled away and brought up so that Brian could kiss him again.
This kiss was shorter, and it was with a sigh that he pulled away, resting his forehead briefly against Brian’s before he moved away from him to pick up their shirts and the plug that had since been discarded.
Ina swift movement he chucked a shirt at Brian for him to put on again, whilst quickly putting on his own shirt before he kneeled down to pull the other man’s ass back to the edge of the washer, wiping off the last remnants of come on some cloth that he found before he slowly pressed it back into him, the Irishman letting out a long sigh as he did so.
He pressed a final kiss to Brians’ thigh before he stood back up, tugging the other man back off of the machine so that he could pull his jeans back up again, bringing him into another kiss as he buckled up his belt, a grin already forming on his face.
“I look forward to hearin’ you tonight” He whispered the sentence out, almost as if he didn’t want to break whatever moment the two of them were sharing, delighting far too much in the flushed cheeks and bright grin Brian gave back to him.
“Ya know, if ye ask them, I’m sure they’d let you join in, then you can fock me properly instead of givin’ me false promises, ye bastard” All he could do was laugh at him before he leaned down to suck another mark on his neck in retaliation.
“Be patient, promise I’ll have your ass against this dryer tomorrow, more than once if you’re good”
“I’ll hold you to that” He gave another smile before Brian captured his lips again, more of a glorified peck on the lips, before the other man pulled away from him, moving away with an exaggerated saunter to his hips and throwing him a wink over his shoulder.
He couldn’t help but laugh though when Brian accidentally stumbled into the door when he was looking at him, tears quick to form in his eyes at the sight whilst the Irishman only threw him a glare and the middle finger before leaving him alone to recompose himself, quick to follow after him and re-join their friends, trying to hold back his smile as his thoughts drifted to what the rest of the week had in store for him.
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just-writerthings · 5 years
Text
Wow we at 150 pages here’s some more WIP crack:
Character descriptions of my babies in my main WIP:
Sage:
Def the kinda person who would tell you to go to heck (not h e l l there’s a difference)
Smart but also honey what???? Is you doin
“Wise in her wisdom” ~ a real actual quote that I love and will keep despite all sane advice.
Could kill you, but not because she wants to. Just her magic tends to explode at inappropriate moments.
Sebastien:
Is 20
Will remind you he is 20
Still acts like a freakin moron idjit but I love him because he’s the comic relief and best friend everybody needs
Really likes badass women. Very very much likes badass women. Drinks that respect women juice on the daily.
Is pretty cool in his less-crackhead moments, also pretty smert
Davon:
Loyal as fu-
Enjoys a good shiny sword and some backhanded jokes
Will not give up. Will nOT GIVE UP.
Sees reason and logic but when he’s in a situation where reason and logic don’t apply (*cough* romance *cough*) he’s like what the Fock is this? What is this???
Big heart, bigger shoulders. (I don’t know why I wrote this it just came into my head and I was like ‘yup that’s it that’s the line,’ sorry :p).
Embry:
Will take any available occasion to run away, mostly because watching flustered handmaidens chase after her and teachers scold her even as they huff trying to catch up is incredibly amusing.
Has been studying mages and magic since she was little despite not being allowed to practice it. Never met a female magic-wielder before Sage.
Probably the only actually sane and normal character (until later in the storyline huehuehue)
“Shoes are for lesser men. And in any case I’m a woman so I can do whatever I want.” ~ not a real quote but it happened in my head and I like it.
Emara:
a sassy sassy sassin. Assassin. Sharp pokey poke death lady assassin.
Half-Shade (night spirit that lives in the desert and bends the sands).
Big alpha-female energy. But she’s asexual and aromantic so :(
Kinda chill unless you piss her off. Or pay her to do something, in which case she’s all about that moulla.
Character growth is *chefs kiss* perfection
Lots more ppl arrive in later parts of the series but these are my main four hoes for now. Now I’m gonna go back to doing literally anything but write about them :) bye
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rosytteok · 5 years
Text
50 questions tag.✍🏻
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tagged by the sweetest human ever;; @stuipdgirlxbtsx ily bud ty💞‼️
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1. What takes up too much of your time?
lmaooo school, schoolwork, homework. anything related to school.
2. What makes your day better?
To be honest, scrolling through tumblr, laughing, talking to mutuals, writing when I’m very inspired. basically a lot of things make my day.
3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today?
My mom brought me my nana’s soup and other goodies for lunch and I was THRIVING!!!
4. What fictional place would you like to go to?
Maybe Hogwarts, P.K Academy, Ouran Academy(even though I’m poor as fuck) and that would be it.
5. Are you good at giving advice?
I think I am??? Sometimes in certain topics I can really let loose and advise someone from experience or from what I’ve been taught growing up.
6. Do you have any mental illnesses?
None at all.
7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?
Nope.
8. What musicians inspired you the most?
Hm, Freddie Mercury(or Queen as a whole), BTS, and many others.
9. Have you ever fallen in love?
Yup.
10. What’s your dream date?
Nothing special nor fancy either—prolly something like going out to talk or eat fast food or ice cream. maybe a simple movie date.
11. What do others notice about you?
I have no idea lol. Probably like my face, mostly my eyes I think.
12. What is an annoying habit you have?
For me, since I bite the insides of my lips a lot, I find it annoying cuz I wanna stop but I just can’t??? ugh skskskks.
13. Do you still talk to you first love?
Never have had a bf. So no, I don’t even know where the hell my first crush at kdkdkdk.
14. How many exes do you have?
None.
15. How many songs are in your playlist?
A. Whole. Freakin’. Lot.
16. What instruments can you play?
None lmaooo but I’d love to learn how to play the piano, or the guitar.
17. What do you have the most pictures of?
Probably most kpop/bts related pics or pics of me lmao.
18. Where would you like to go before you die?
Truly...I’d love to travel the world but places like Italy, Japan, Korea, Thailand, Spain, France, etc. They really catch my attention so maybe one of those, hopefully, in the near future.
19. What is your zodiac?
Gemini.
20. Do you relate to it?
Sometimes I do, not frequently though. I just think back on a Gemini’s attributes and characteristics and be like: “oh! maybe that’s why I’m like this.” but then poof. I don’t pay them much attention.
21. What is happiness to you?
The people that surround you. Your loved ones, precisely. Family and friends to me are happiness. Also, my hobbies and interests. Like dancing, listening to music, and writing.
22. Are you going through anything right now?
Stress. Lots of finals to be done and I’m s t r e s s e d. But I’m managing.
23. What’s the worst decision you ever made?
No idea. Currently, can’t remember any.
24. What’s your favorite store?
I normally dislike shopping so I don’t know. Maybe somewhere with a makeup aisle, or like beauty related stuff kdksksk.
25. What’s your opinion on abortion?
(yikes oh god) although the thought of killing an innocent human being disgusts me, if it’s the product of some sort of sexual abuse then, if the female feels uncomfortable having the child since it may remind her of the assailant and/or the memory, it’s her choice to abort or not. Now, if the child were to be a mistake made by reckless behavior or malfunctions(?) on behalf of the pill or condom, then I believe the baby should certainly not be killed. Just because you didn’t plan it or if it was a mindless error it’s not the child’s fault. They shouldn’t be immorally punished.
26. Do you keep a bucket list?
Nope.
27. Do you have a favorite album?
Not precisely. Since I mostly listen to just some songs from a certain album and not like the whole thing, I can’t say. Maybe MOTS: Persona??? Idk man kdksksk.
28. What do want for your birthday?
Makeup maybe??? Money??? the MOTS: Persona album?? A vacation??? I have a lot of things in mind ksksk.
29. What are most people’s first impression of you?
Can’t say, really. Prolly that I’m a saint with no sense of dark humor. Like a nun maybe. Lmaoooo skskks.
30. What age do you seem according to most people?
17-20 ksksks.
31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?
If it’s charging then, it’s on a table in front of the foot of my bed, sitting on top of a Bluetooth speaker. If it’s already charged then it’s in my purse.
32. What word do you say the most?
Somethings like: “uwu”, “hot”, “cute”, “baby”, “lmao”, “look—bye.”, “what the fock.”, “specimen” (weird selection, right? lsksksk.)
33. What’s the oldest date you would date?
Max one to two years older than me. MAX. M A X. I can’t go any higher than that, sorry fellas.
34. What’s the youngest age you would date?
This is going to sound so stupid but again, max a few months younger. I stand being like years older than a guy. It’s just not in my persona.
35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?
God forbid but, a teacher. Especifically, an English teacher or like a Science teacher. I’m shaking but God, no.
36. What’s your favorite music genre?
Pop, rock, kpop, and a little bit of R&B on the side.
37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?
Hm, maybe just America or Canada. Although, I like other countries, I don’t feel like I’d be ready to live in a foreign country yet skskks.
38. What is you current favorite song?
Killer Queen by Queen, bad guy or COPYCAT by Billie Eilish.
39. How long have you had this blog for?
No freaking idea. Maybe for like a year now? Two maybe soon? This blog initially wasn’t planned ksksks it just came out of nowhere but I’m glad now that I made it.
40. What are you excited for?
My birthday and summer vacation.
41. Are you a better talker or listener?
A mix of both. Sometimes when I don’t know what to say, i just lend my ears all the way. But when I do, the words flow through as I advise skskks.
42. What is the last productive thing you did?
Do the dishes later today skskks.
43. What do you want for Christmas?
A miracle sent from Heaven and makeup(maybe??? Or like an album possibly??? Too soon to tell y’all).
44. What class do you get the best grades in?
Not to FLEX but honestly, all of them. Although, English is my forte (it has been since I was little) and I always get the highest grade rank in my class.
45. On a scale from 1-10, how are you feeling right now?
A pretty chill 9.
46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?
Studying hard on what I love, cramming for exams in some dorm late at night. Maybe even finishing my dream. Living the stressful life that is college skskskks.
47. When did you get your first heartbreak?
Never have gotten one lol.
48. What age do you want to get married?
I truly do not want to get HUSBAND UP but who knows??? Maybe in my early to middle twenties??? I don’t know since I haven’t put much thought into it.
49. What career did you want to have as a child?
I remember like wanting to be a model, singer or like an actress or fashion designer.
50. What do you crave right now?
For school to hurry up and end, something sweet, and a good fucking nights’ rest skskks.
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this took so much skskksks anyway,,,,I’m tired so imma post this and chill.🤟🏻
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💌;; @gukgalore @palepinksuga @carry-on-my-wayward-bts (not an obligation since i know it’s a pretty long tag)
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avengers-nextgen · 6 years
Text
Parenting Adventures #1
Steve: *post workout* “Ready James?”
3 yr Old James: “Yeah!”
Steve: *chugs protein shake and slams the empty cup on the counter*
3 yr Old James: *chugs a cup of chocolate milk and slams the empty cup on the counter*
Steve: *flexes* “Buff boys!”
3 yr Old James: *Flexing* Buff boys! AGHHAGA!”
— — —
Vision: “Scout. You must wear socks on your feet.”
2 yr Old Scout: *kicking his feet*
Vision: “Scout, please. Just put your socks on.”
2 yr Old Scout: “I no wanna put focks on my feets!”
Vision: *pinching the bridge of his nose* “Where do you want them?”
2 yr Old Scout: “My hams.* *wiggles fingers*
Vision: “Wanda, I do not understand-“
Wanda: “It’s sensory integration. He’s just experimenting.”
Vision: “Ah, I see.” *puts socks on Scout’s hands*
Wanda: *trying not to laugh* “You want to try it don’t you?”
Vision: “I must admit I am curious.”
— — —
3 yr Old Nathaniel: *patting Laura on the cheek* “Mama. Mama sleepy, wake up.”
Laura: *mumbling from the couch* “What is it baby?”
3 yr Old Nathaniel: “Plillow.”
Laura: “For me? That’s very sweet-“
3 yr Old Nathaniel: “Bwanky too.”
Laura: “Awe Na-“
3 yr Old Nathaniel: “And Bubby Bear, and choco milk.” *holding out a sippy cup and teddy bear*
Laura: “Nathan honey, mama was just taking a nap you don’t have to worry.”
3 yr Old Nathaniel: “Mama makes me comfy for bedtime. So I make mama comfy for her bed time.”
Laura: “Alright.”
3 yr Old Nathaniel: *patting Laura’s cheek* “Night night mama.”
— — —
1 yr Old Piper: *watching Tony*
Tony: “This is a screw driver. It’s called a Phillip’s head.”
1 yr Old Piper: *makes grabby hands*
Tony: *gives it to her* “This next one is a set of pliers and-“
1 yr Old Piper: *chucks the screw driver*
Tony: “No!” *cringes as a vase breaks*
Pepper: “Tony I swear if Piper threw another one of your tools I am going to kill you!”
Tony: “Everything’s fine honey! *looks at Piper* “Not one word. I’m not raising a snitch.”
— — —
Natasha: “I can’t move.”
Steve: “Well, What do you want me to do about it?”
Baby Alex: *sucking on her pacifier completely asleep on Natasha’s arm*
Natasha: “I don’t know, move her?”
Steve: “It took you three hours to get her to sleep. Do you really want to risk it?”
Natasha: “You’re right.”
Steve: *watches Nat fall asleep*
Baby Alex: *wakes up and looks at her mom*
Steve: “Shhhh.” *puts finger to his lips*
Baby Alex: “Plshedjdshsuah!” *copies him*
Steve: “Exaclty.” *winks*
— — —
Rocket: “What is that thing?”
Groot: “I am Groot!”
Drax: “Wrinkly potato.”
Gamora: “Have none of you seen a baby before?!”
Rocket: “Sorry sweety but he’s kinda ugly loo-“
Orion: *sneezes*
Drax: “Such perfection!”
Groot: “I am Groot.”
Rocket: “That is the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.”
Peter: “Okay, but when I sneeze it’s gross.”
— — —
T’Challa: “Nikia I require assistance!”
2 yr Old Siyanda: *running naked around the palace with bubbles in her hair*
Shuri: “Go Si! Go!”
T’Challa: “Do not encourage her!”
Nikia: “Has Wakanda’s mighty ruler been outdone by a toddler?” *scoops Siyanda up*
2 yr Old Siyanda: “Daddy slow!”
T’Challa: “Daddy tired!” *flops onto the couch.*
— — —
3 month Old Thalia: *grabby hands*
Sif: “More food?”
3 month Old Thalia: *aggressive grabby hands*
Sif: “This cannot possibly be healthy.”
3 month Old Thalia: *more grabby hands and her mouth is wide open*
Sif: “Please tell me this is not how I was as a child. My poor parents.”
3 month Old Thalia: *grinning while her cheeks are stuffed like a chip munks.*
Sif: “You’re lucky you’re cute.”
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