#you cannot expect someone to correct their behavior when no one is telling them that they're behaving badly | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

miraculouslbcnreactions · 1 month

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It's weird to expect lb to be able to read cn mind and called her a bad partner for it. But it's even weirder for lb to ignore cn WHEN HES OBVIOUSLY IN DISTRESS and not called her a bad partner for it because I think called her a bad partner for ignoring it is understandable and justified especially since she consider herself as his boss.

Every time I bring up this conflict, I try to make it clear that I don't think Ladybug was blameless, I just think Chat Noir's writing was worse. Let's walk through the problem to show what I mean.

Season four stars with Marinette extremely stressed by her new Guardian status. In Truth and Lies, the first episodes of the season, we get this:

Ladybug: Will you cut it out with the practical jokes? I could have really hurt you! Cat Noir:(answering while hanging by the yo-yo) M'lady, the only thing that really hurts me is when you make me go on patrol by myself. (sighs, relaxing his posture) I even missed your little angry pout. Ladybug: Sorry, Kitty Cat, I'm a bit over my head at the moment. (pulling him up) Cat Noir: I bet! "Guardian of the Miraculous", big name, big responsibility!

This is also the start to Chat Noir communicating poorly. In this episode, he's straight up told that Ladybug is in over her head and he never once asks how he can help. In fact, we even get him saying this when asked how he feels about the change:

Truth: Cat Noir, tell me what- (interupted by Ladybug throwing a present at Truth) Ladybug: (covering her parasol with foil) ...do you think about my new role as guardian! Cat Noir: If it doesn't change things between us, then I'm good with it!

So not a great start to the season. I know people focused on Adrien's terrible treatment of Kagami in these episodes, but this Ladynoir dynamic was actually what rang alarm bells for me. I kept waiting for Chat Noir to offer his support since it was really, really obvious that Ladybug was in over her head since she was late to patrols, the last season literally ended with her losing her mentor figure, and, you know, she straight up told him that was what was going on?

The next episode is Gang of Secrets in which we see Marinette out her identity to Alya. I get why she did this, she needed support and her partner doesn't seem interested in giving it, but she can't say that for certain because she never asked him directly and she should have. Trusting Chat Noir over Alya would have allowed Ladynette to maintain the security of her secret identity - a thing she claimed was more important than ever - and to honor their partnership. At the very least, she should have told Chat Noir that Rena Rouge was now a full time holder so that he could account for that in battle and to minimize the fallout by owning up to her mistake asap. The longer a lie goes on, the worse the truth will hurt.

To Ladybug's credit, she does eventually acknowledge her mistake after the Scarabella incident:

Ladybug: You... must've been pretty surprised to discover there was another holder! (Silence. She sits beside Cat Noir.) Ladybug: I'm really sorry, Cat Noir. I should've told you. I mean, if I found out that you told someone about your secret identity, I'd... probably be upset, too. I'm really sorry I hurt your feelings.

This is a decent apology. She doesn't try to absolve herself of wrong doing. Instead, she acknowledges that what she did would hurt her, too, if the shoe were on the other foot. The only thing she loses points on is the fact that she doesn't tell him about Rena Furtive.

However, instead of agreeing with her and telling her that she has hurt him, Chat Noir says that she did nothing wrong and never once brings up how their weakened partnership is bothering him:

Cat Noir: You didn't hurt my feelings. You did everything right. Paris will always need a Ladybug superhero to watch over her. It's just... I realized that if one day that hero wasn't you, m'lady, since we don't know each other's identities, that means... I'd never see you again. Ever. And now, I just don't know if I can bear it.

This is the thing that I hate about this arc. The reason why I say Ladybug is blamed for not reading his mind. Especially because, three episodes later, we get Rocketear, which gives us this:

Cat Noir: Everyone has doubts now and then, (looks down) even me... Ladybug: Is everything okay, Cat Noir? Cat Noir: Yeah, yeah. (prepare his fist) Pound it! Ladybug: (fistbumps) Pound it!

Rocketear is the episode where Nino outs that he and Alya know each other's identities while acting like Ladybug said identities weren't a big deal even though that is very much not what happened. You'd think that Chat Noir would want to know the full story, but instead he just lies and says that everything is fine.

So we have two situations where the show allowed Ladybug to give Chat Noir a chance for clear and open communication and both times he turns her down.

What's worse is that he clearly starts making up stories in his head, leading to Kuro Neko, which starts with Adrien avoiding a fight on purpose as some sort of shit test. He then gets upset when Ladybug... doesn't lament his absence on national TV?

Clara: (from TV) By the way, where's Cat Noir? You've saved Paris without him quite a few times recently. Are you two at odds with each other? Carapace, Pegasus, Vesperia and Pigella: (from TV) Pound it! Ladybug: (from TV) Of course not, it's just that... umm, he's a partner like any other! The most important is to pick the best superheroes for each mission, with or without Cat Noir. No matter what, we've got a great team and we'll always be here to save Paris. (Adrien is shocked.) Adrien: (turns off the TV and sighs) "A partner like any other..."

Dude, what did you want her to do here? Complain that you flaked on her? Make Paris feel less safe by saying she doesn't know where you are? Imply that the fight was barely won without you? What are you doing? Plagg, you are completely failing as a mentor right now.

The shit test continues as Chat Noir goes to meet up with Ladybug now that the battle is over, arriving just as Ladybug has finished instructing the team on what to do:

Ladybug: Come on, guys! Hurry up before you all detransform. I'll meet you at rendezvous points. (The heroes jump away in different directions, and Ladybug starts typing something on her Yo-yo.) Cat Noir: Hey! Meow are you, m'lady? Ladybug: Great, thanks, but I gotta go retrieve all these Miraculous. Cat Noir: I could lend you a paw to help save time. Ladybug: Thanks, kitty cat, but it's a guardian's job to do it. Cat Noir: I know who some of them are, remember? I was there when you first gave them their Miraculous! Ladybug: You don't even know where their rendezvous points are, I don't have time to— Cat Noir: Playing cat and mouse is my forte, you know— Ladybug: (yelling) If you wanna save me time, stop wasting it in the first place! (Cat Noir gasps. As Ladybug swings away, Cat Noir clenches his fist.) Cat Noir: And take my Miraculous back when you're done!

So Ladybug doesn't publicly chastise Chat Noir for missing the battle and rejects an offer to help because of very legitimate timing concerns, leading to Chat Noir quitting because she failed his stupid, petty, childish tests. Realistic writing? Yes. Writing that paints Ladybug as the one in the wrong? No.

Going into this episode, Ladybug has no idea that things are messed up between them even though she has actually kept communication lines open. She asks him if things are okay, but he lies. And when he's ready to quit? He plays stupid games and wins a stupid prize. It's really not shocking that the next scene sees Ladybug totally baffled by what just happened:

Plagg: For a while now, you've been neglecting this camembert— I mean Cat Noir, and going on adventures with the all other cheeses! Ladybug: But he should be happy about it, it gives him more time off. Plagg: Cat Noir doesn't wanna have time off, Ladybug! He is in love with you! And your persistent calling on all the other heroes has broken his heart.

And how is she supposed to know that, Plagg? Was she supposed to assume that her partner was lying when he said he was fine? Because she did ask and he said that nothing was wrong. But something was wrong and it lead him to build up a story in his head, reading nonexistent intent into her actions, all of which is toxic and unhealthy communication.

I cannot stress how common this shit is. I've seen it so many times and I will own that I've done it in the past and wound up getting no support when I needed it because I'd directly told people I didn't and they committed the heinous crime of... believing me.

Here's the other thing, there are times when I'm in distress and legitimately don't want or need help. Times when I just need to be alone for a bit. So if someone asks me if I'm okay during those times, I'm probably just going to say, "Yeah, I just need a people break" or something like that. That's why the Scarabella scene is so bad. Ladybug can see that Chat Noir is in distress and he gives her a fully plausible answer: I'm not upset with you, I'm just saddened by the idea of losing you. And she believes him because why wouldn't she?

Same goes for Rocketear. It's reasonable for Ladybug to assume that Chat Noir is just shaken by the fight. She has no idea about the bombshell that Nino dropped right before the fight. She doesn't even know that Nino and Chat Noir are actually close friends, making this fight a lot more devastating than it looks at face value. Her actions here are not objectively wrong. They're only wrong if you know the whole story, including Adrien's needs. Things that she cannot know unless Chat Noir uses his words to tell her things.

I cannot over stress how much season four is a textbook example of denying yourself support because you cannot communicate your own needs. Is it an understandable character flaw for a character with Adrien's background to have? Yes. Absolutely. 100%. But it's still a character flaw. This season desperately needed an arc about Adrien learning to tell people what's wrong. Not because he's the only one in the wrong here, but because things cannot get better when Ladybug has no idea that she's hurting him. (Nino has no idea either, but let's keep our focus on Ladybug.)

One of the most important things you can do for your own mental well being is to dismiss the idea that your needs are the same as everyone else's. Everyone needs different amounts of attention and values different behavior based on things like their upbringing and life events.

I get the feeling that I'm wired pretty similar to Marinette. At least, it influences how I write her because I can go months without talking to my best friends and still call them my best friends, a trait we all share because two of use are artsy introverts and two of us are moms to young kids, which allows for very little free time. Meanwhile, my SO and his best friend spend hours on the phone almost every week. I swear that those two go into withdrawal if they don't talk at least once every seven days. If months went by without them talking? Something would be very wrong, but the exact same time gap isn't even remotely concerning when it comes to my friends. It's something my SO and I had to figure out when we got together because I need a lot less attention than he does. But we communicated and found a balance that we continue to work to communicate about so that he doesn't feel neglected and I don't feel overwhelmed by too little me time.

What I'm trying to say is Marinette wasn't horribly wrong for assuming that Chat Noir was telling her the truth or that he liked having a larger team so he had less responsibility. Those are reasonable assumptions. Especially since he never actually indicated that he wanted more responsibility until he was ready to quit and decided to shit test her by pushing for more to do when she was stressed and on a timer.

I do think that she should have offered it to him before that or - at the very least - the show should have clearly stated why she didn't do that since it apparently had nothing to do with Chat Blanc trauma like we all thought it did. I'm not saying that she's blameless or perfect or that there weren't things she could have done better. It's just really hard for me to look at Chat Noir's behavior in season four and go, "Oh yeah, he's the injured party here. Ladybug holds all the blame and did everything wrong." She did many things wrong, but generally speaking, she owned her faults and tried to keep communication channels open. Chat Noir chose to ignore those chances to talk or otherwise try to express his needs in a clear and understandable manner.

We'll end with one final point to drive this home: You said that she's his boss. Well, if my boss asked me, "is everything okay with the project?" and I said, "yes" while freaking out about the upcoming deadline that I'm probably going to miss because he's given me too much work, the issue is not all on my boss. It's on both of us. Him for overloading me and me for not telling him I'm overloaded. You could even argue that it's mostly on me because I'm the only one who can properly gauge my own ability to do a given workload. As soon as it was too much, I should have said something. And if I don't feel like my boss is approachable? Then I should quit. But that isn't the situation I'm in and it doesn't appear to be the one that Chat Noir was in, either. He wanted to stay part of the team, he just totally failed to tell Ladybug how being on the team was making him feel.

People magically knowing what you need and how you feel is a myth. I promise you, most people in this world do not want to cause you pain, but if you cannot clearly express when someone is causing you pain, then you will continue to get hurt by people who would be very happy to not hurt you if they actually knew that their actions were causing you pain.

#ml writing critical #ml writing salt #adrien deserves better #marinette deserves better #I do give Luka a bit of a side eye for not getting involved after Wishmaker though #Dude's supposed to be some sort of empath and he's at his best when he's in a mentor role #He should have been allowed to be Adrien's Alya since Nino is clearly not suited for the role #Season four my belothed #kuro Neko salt #ml season 4 salt #you cannot expect someone to correct their behavior when no one is telling them that they're behaving badly #And no one calls Marinette out so of course she doesn't change her behavior!#She is shown to be willing to change when prompted too #She only knew that something was wrong post Scarabella because Alya told her #Do you really think Marinette was aware that she was hurting Chat Noir and just willfully kept doing it?#Or is it more likely that she just didn't know because no one told her?#Feel free to give Tikki some blame too because she's been a real shitty mentor for a while now #which breaks my heart because I love Tikki and Plagg and want them to be good mentors

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morkofday · 7 months

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i find it so ironic how after becoming blind or, simply, disabled, day also turns invisible. suddenly, he's just not there, like it's not he who cannot see but he who cannot be seen.

ppl don't really talk to him, don't address him, barely give him any choices of his own. they talk over him and past him and around him, about him, surely, but not to him. it's like he's not there. he's this huge responsibility, but he's no longer a person. he's left to places like a dog or an object to wait for others to do all the things for him, and then he's just expected to agree with their plans. the same plans that still affect him and his life and future.

no wonder he's so angry and fed up with everybody. he wants to speak for himself. he wants to be heard and seen again. he used to enjoy having eyes on him – as a national athlete, there obviously were many (admiring, evaluating, assessing) eyes on him, and he liked the spotlight. he's obviously very proud of his own accomplishments and it must be frustrating to be suddenly reduced into nothing. like what he did never mattered. like who he is never mattered.

he is just this now. his blindness. someone who can be overlooked bc he cannot see it anyway. he's not far from being dead, as he puts it himself.

meanwhile, mork experiences the brutality of being abandoned over and over again. that's his wound. when his sister leaves, the pain gets the loudest, but even outside of that, he's hearing the same thing over and over again.

from what we got to know, no one ever really learned why exactly rung decided to kill herself. i assume it was the guilt over feeling like she failed mork, like she brought him more peril than was worth living for (debt?). she obviously wanted mork to have a good future, but i guess none of her actions ever translated to mork in that way.

to him, rung left after deciding that mork just wasn't worth it. she took "the easy way out" after realizing that fighting beside mork and tolerating his behavior just weren't worth the effort. mork really wasn't making the best choices, but i don't think he was ever "beyond saving". mork just thinks this is how it all went.

and then he keeps hearing the same thing from others:

after being in jail, his friends abandon him even if he took part in that fight for them. he wasn't enough for them to stick around (not that they were actually that good company, but he knew them, spent time with them, relied on them on some level)

porjai broke up with him bc mork was prioritizing his friends over his girlfriend. which porjai points out humorously, as is part of their friendship as exes, but which lands as a stab anyway. "you weren't enough as you are," it says. "you should've done better to not have me leave you."

no one wants mork to work for them bc all they can see is his past mistakes and not him trying to presently correct them. his skills aren't enough to overshadow what he did. him trying to be better cannot erase those mistakes he already made. "you should've been better to begin with," it says. "there's nothing you can do to change that now."

ppl keep turning their backs on mork, leaving him behind, labeling him unworthy or simply not good enough. even day's family does this, looking at him once and going, "you obviously do not belong here."

day disagrees. on some level at least, he disagrees. bc mork actually sees him. after all this time, someone actually sees him again.

meanwhile, well. we had that whole montage at the end of the episode to tell us how badly mork wishes to believe that someone is finally giving him a chance to prove he isn't a lost cause, that he is worth something.

my expectations for the second ep are that these two are going to learn just how bad it actually feels when someone is able to see you and how hard you will have to work to prove yourself to those who barely wish to listen.

#sorry this probably doesn't even make sense but #i had to get this out bc of that analysis i reblogged #cannot move on from day going blind and becoming invisible #it's so ironic #meanwhile there's the fact that no one believes in mork having a future #even he doesn't believe in having a future #and then he becomes day's caretaker and guide in life #which is like a blind guiding blind #which once again is ironic #last twilight

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multifandomfix · 1 year

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Dandy Mott Yandere Alphabet

A = Attachment (How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?)

Dandy shows his love by buying you extravagant gifts, mostly and it can get ugly if he doesn’t think you appreciate it enough.

B = Blood (How messy are they willing to get when it comes to you?)

So messy. That doesn’t matter to him in the slightest. Someone bothering you? Not anymore they can’t.

C = Clingy (Do they require your attention at all times? How do they act when you ignore them?)

He cannot stand to be ignored. Any time he’s around he expects your full and enthusiastic attention.

D = Dependent (Are they codependent? Do they want you to rely solely on them for your care/protection?)

Dandy will be very upset if you turn to anyone but him to protect you. He’s very codependent and despite his outward confidence, also insecure.

E = Excess (Would they spoil or pamper you? To what extent?)

He’d spoil you rotten. Any wish or whim and whatever it is, it’s yours.

F = Fatal (Would they kill you? Kill for you?)

He would kill you but only if you pushed him to it. And then he’d probably kill himself afterward. And he’d certainly kill for you with ease and he’d enjoy it.

G = Give Up (What are they willing to sacrifice for you?)

Really, next to nothing. He’ll say he sacrifices for you, but it’s not anything that he’ll ever actually miss.

H = Harsh (How do they take to you mouthing off to them or saying something they don’t want to hear?)

He’ll lash out at you, maybe even slap you which he’ll regret and try to make up for later.

I = Inseparable (What are they like when you’re not with them? Do they check in on you constantly, or feel lost without you?)

Unless it’s his idea, it’s rare for Dandy to not be with you. He totally feels lost without you and tries not to stay away for any length of time.

J = Jilted (How do they act when met with rejection from you?)

Childish rage. He’ll throw an outright temper tantrum. Then he’ll forget about it and start from scratch until you eventually do accept him.

K = Kidnap (Would they ever abduct you just to have you to themselves for a while?)

He definitely would. You’re his prize, and once caught, you’ll be kept in his house unless he took you out himself.

L = Lines (Do they cross lines with you? What ones? Is it something they know they’re doing?)

Dandy will cross any line he has to. He tells you he hates to, but you know it’s a lie. He’ll do whatever he wants whether you like it or not.

M = Manipulation (Would they manipulate you? How? And would you realize that’s what was happening?)

He won’t really manipulate you, simply because he’s deluded enough to think you’ll already do exactly what he wants when he wants.

N = Naive (Do they like you pliant or do they prefer you to challenge them?)

He doesn’t like a challenge, so staying pliant and agreeable is your best way of staying safe around him.

O = Ownership (Do they feel possessive of you? How do they act when you’re around others?)

He’s 100% possessive of you. You’re his and his alone. He doesn’t even like anyone to set eyes on you if he can help it.

P = Petulant (Are they moody? Easy to anger? Or are they patient and forgiving around you?)

He’s very moody and extremely easy to anger. He does put on a very sweet act around you but it can turn on a dime.

Q = Quit (Would they quit any of their behaviors for you if you asked?)

No. God no. You’re just his pet, his possession. He’s not going to change for you.

R = Rules (Would they have rules for you? Brainwash you? Teach you the right way to be theirs?)

His main rule is to never leave the house. And he’d teach you all of the correct ways to be his. If you don’t follow them, you can expect serious anger.

S = Stalker (Would they stalk you? How far would it go?)

Before he brought you home, he for sure stalked you. It’s how he became so fascinated with you in the first place.

T = Target (What do they wish to do to you? How twisted are their ideals?)

He just wishes to have you, to look at you like you’re some kind of doll and to make you love him.

U = Utopia (How much effort do they put into making you happy?)

He puts a fair amount of effort into keeping you happy. But he doesn’t like it when you’re not appreciative of those efforts.

V = Violence (Would they ever be violent with you?)

Probably, yes. He’s prone to violence, but he’ll always get all sweet again and promise you he didn’t mean it.

W = Will (Would they ever do anything against your will?)

Certainly. He’s only concerned with his own will, so get on board or face the consequences.

X = Xoanon (Would they revere or worship you? To what length would they go to win you over?)

He would revere you as the pinnacle of his collection. And he’d go to great lengths to win you over so that you stayed his forever.

Y = Yowl (Do they ever make you cry? Do they enjoy your tears?)

He has made you cry, but he doesn’t like to see your tears. He’ll kiss or sometimes lick them away and soothe you, even if he’s the one that caused them moments ago.

Z = Zenith (Would they ever break you just so you’d stay with them?)

Yes. If there was no other way you’d stay and behave, he’d break you so you would.

For @arianadevareux

Dandy Mott: @bluenystic, @peggycarter-steverogers, @gothtrash6969, @callsigncrash, @words-of-holly, @somelonelywriter

#dandy mott #dandy mott yandere alphabet #dandy mott x reader #american horror story #american horror story freakshow #ahs #ahs freakshow #request

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honey-on-your-tongue · 1 year

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Discipline

Series masterlist

Part six

Summary: Jake is sent to teach you discipline within the rules of the Omaticaya, from which you are constantly rebelling. Except...he finds unorthodox methods that get you to behave.

Warnings: besides the obvious smut. Uh, a little bit of masochistic and sadistic behavior. Daddy kink. A tad of angst. Sex as a solution (which it absolutely is NOT do not apply this to real life, babes). Jake being mean and a tad toxic??? Alright, I think that's about it.

Jake cannot and will not get enough of you. He's always around, always nearby, keeping a careful eye on you, more often than not wishing he could drag you away from whatever it is you're doing and fuck you dumb.

He still dreams of you. Constantly. Usually rough, hot, lustful dreams. Although lately, he's been having different dreams.

Dreams where you crawl on his lap and he just holds you, kissing your forehead and your cheeks and your lips while you tell him about your day.

Dreams where you're sitting on the top of the Hallelujah Mountains, watching as eclipse nears, and he's lying beside you, his head on your soft thighs, your gentle fingers caressing his hair.

Dreams where the sex isn't as rough and cruel as it usually is; dreams where it's slow and soft, where Jake peppers you with kisses and worships every inch of your body.

And these dreams scare him. He wakes up from them feeling warm all over, feeling like dancing and singing. And it enrages him. And the vulnerability disgusts him. It's enough to get him in a horrible mood for the rest of the day.

And it's one of those days today.

Your aim is perfect, position flawless, and your arrows haven't once missed the target.

And this frustrates him.

You don't need him now. You've fallen in with the clan. The Omaticaya are relieved to find your temper calmed, pleasantly surprised at your sudden disinterest in making their lives more difficult. They're at peace with you, and you are at peace with them.

You have no use for him anymore, he figures. So he's mean to you about it.

He pretends to correct your gait, exaggeratedly scoffs when you shoot the arrows, and he clicks his tongue whenever your arrow lands on the target, as if you were doing something wrong.

And it's bothering you. With every little sign of Jake's displeasure, your ears droop, your tail swinging anxiously, your fingers trembling.

Eventually, he's made you so nervous that your arrow completely misses the target. You turn to Jake, eyes full of fear, and he sighs heavily, relieving you from the bow.

“Alright, you've had 'nough for today,” he says gruffly. “Get some fuckin' rest and hopefully you'll do better tomorrow.”

Confused with his behavior and a little disappointed in yourself, you scuttle off, tears forming at the corners of your eyes.

You don't sleep that night.

Neither does Jake. He beats himself up over how he was with you. What's wrong with him? What's happening to him? What is going on?

You've done nothing wrong, but he behaves as if you had. Why would he do that to you? Why would he want to hurt you? You and all your amazing little traits...why is he like this?

The next day, he's out walking around the forest, not far from the Hometree, reflecting on his behavior when someone approaches him.

He glances up and sees a young woman, dressed in bright beads and a colorful loincloth, a bow in her hands and a few arrows in the quiver behind her back.

When Jake's eyes land on her, he nods in salute, and gets ready to walk in the opposite direction, but she calls after him, “Toruk Macto.”

He turns back to her. “Yes?”

“I was wondering if you could train me with the bow?” she asks, batting her eyelashes. “I'm struggling a little with my aim.”

Jake is about to decline, but then he realizes that it would be odd if he'd agreed to help you and not someone else. After all, his growing concerns have made him paranoid about what the rest of the clan expect from him and you. If he agreed to train you and not her, the people would know something's up, and he doesn't think he can handle that pressure.

“Uh, sure,” he says against his will.

The girl beams at him, moving to stand beside him and offering him a big look full of admiration. “You are so kind, Toruk Macto. Thank you for your help,” she says coquettishly, smiling coyly.

“It's no problem,” he mumbles, sighing softly at himself.

You walk out of the Hometree, wondering what happened to Jake yesterday. He was so cold, so cruel...He didn't fuck you, barely even touched you, and he was irritated the entire time.

Is he bored with me? you wonder. He said I was his...were they just empty words?

You're walking aimlessly, taking in the fresh air, the soft sounds of creatures around you. And then, somewhere in the distance, you hear a voice, low, quiet, terribly familiar.

Jake.

You can't help the way your heart races, or the sudden fluttering in your chest. Your footsteps are quick and light as you follow the sound of his voice, your blood thrumming in your ears.

You have to talk to him, have to clear the air between you two. All the questions you want to ask him are bubbling on the tip of your tongue, your ears perked toward the sound of Jake's voice.

You reach him with ease, seeing his broad shoulders through the foliage, his scent reaching your nose.

As you step out from between a few bushes, a second voice suddenly finds you, soft and tinkling, clearly flirtatious.

Your eyes land on a girl, dressed in pretty beads and a shiny loincloth, obviously dressed with purpose. She holds a bow at the ready, an arrow on the string, little giggles leaving her pretty lips.

“All y'gotta do is shoot,” Jake tells her.

Your heart sinks, feeling as if it were tearing into a million pieces. A scream of pain rushes up your throat, clawed fingers scratching up your chest as it attempts to claw out of you. But you silence it strenuously.

“Jake,” you say, your voice cracked and weak, small.

Jake's head jerks toward you, his eyes lighting up when they find yours, his tail swinging in glee.

But then he takes in your expression, the way your eyes grow glassy with tears, the way your lower lip trembles, your ears pinned back in betrayal. Your eyes flicker to the girl as she turns to look at you, confused as to why you're there, and Jake follows your gaze.

He sees her and then he understands.

“Baby—” he starts, not caring if this other girl hears, suddenly terrified that you'll leave.

You shake your head softly. “Uh, I-I just wanted to know what time we'd be training today?” you say, sniffilng, a tear or two cascading down your cheeks.

Jake feels his heart recoil in his chest, and he wants to punch himself.

Skxawng.

“Gimme a few more minutes here and I'll find you,” he promises, ears folding back.

You sniffle again, wiping your nose hastily and nodding. “Okay,” you say softly.

You walk away and Jake turns to the girl. “We're done here,” he tells her curtly, his voice full of authority.

The girl frowns. “But we've barely started and—”

“Don't care,” he growls. “Lessons are permanently over.”

Indignant, the girl scoffs, “What, you're leaving me to teach her?”

“Yes, I am,” Jake replies, glaring at the girl. “Go ask Tsu’tey for some lessons. He's much nicer than I am.”

Upset, the girl walks away and Jake remains for a moment, holding his head in his hands, hating himself for what he does to you.

That's it, then, you think. He's replacing me. I promised myself to him, and now he's looking for another girl because I'm not enough.

You're crying, sitting quietly by the stream, playing with a few pebbles along the shoreline. You gave yourself to him, you're his, but...is he yours?

No, you answer yourself. No, he's not. He's never said so, never admitted it. Never even mentioned being mine. He's free to belong to whomever he wants, and I'm forced to be his.

“Baby.”

You jump slightly, startled, and turn to find Jake. His expression softens when he sees your tears, and you rashly try to wipe them off.

He walks to you and sits beside you, his arms aching to hold you tight. He doesn't get the chance to speak. You're on him quickly, straddling his hips, your hands running up and down his muscled torso, your mouth quick to find his neck, licking stripes over his jaw.

Jake is taken aback, the weight of you on his lap makes him groan, and your warm core brushes against his cock through his loincloth. “Baby,” he murmurs, hands rising to grab your hips. “Baby. Easy, girl.”

You suck on his neck, one of your hands wandering past the edge of his loincloth, your fingers finding his thick, hardening cock.

“What's wrong, girl? What's the rush?” he questions, groaning as you run your thumb over the tip of his cock, gathering the precum that begins to drip.

You don't answer him. Your mouth kisses across his jaw, your hips roll against his, your hand jerking his cock.

Jake wants to argue, he wants to pull you off him and ask you what's wrong, but you get up and pull him to his feet before desperately getting on your knees.

Jake tries again. “Baby,” he says, grabbing your face in one of his hands as you quickly untie his loincloth. “Hey, look at me. What's—?”

You get his loincloth off and kiss the head of his cock, your big doe eyes staring up at him, your plump lips glistening with your saliva.

“Fuck,” Jake groans, dragging out the word, as you swirl your tongue over the tip. You work him up slowly, nails softly caressing up his underside, kissing your way down to his balls and back up, ensuring every inch of him is covered in your kisses and spit.

And Jake's mind is going blank. He can't think, can't focus when you're like this. You take him into your mouth, willingly gagging, tears spilling from your eyes and he can't fucking think. He wants to stop you, talk to you, solve this weirdness between you, but he just glances down at you and sees your tears and big eyes and wet lashes and—

“Goddamn, you gonna let me fill your fuckin' mouth with my cum, girl?”

“Mhmm,” you hum, glancing up at him through your thick lashes.

“Fuck, you're such a whore,” he groans, pushing your hair off your face, loving how your cheeks turn a soft pink as you struggle to breathe around his cock. “Didn't even let me get a word in 'fore you were all over me.”

You take him deeper, closing your eyes and gagging, struggling around his girth. One of your hands rises to softly caress Jake's engorged balls.

He moans lowly, throwing his head back, feeling the pleasure take over his senses. He knows you're upset at him, he knows there's something you two have to resolve, but the more you suck on his cock, the more the idea slips away until nothing is left but his quick-approaching orgasm.

Your delicate little mouth hurts, your jaw is sore, and you're on the verge of bursting into tears. But you refuse to give up. Your enthusiasm increases noticeably, and you begin whimpering on Jake's cock, which makes him shudder.

“Yeah, you want my cum, don't ya?“ He chuckles. “You're aching to have it all over you, hm? T' feel it in your pussy 'nd in this pretty little mouth of yours.”

You open your eyes, staring at him, and flutter your eyelashes.

Jake grins, full of ecstasy, and he pinches your cheek. You whine around him and he hisses, ears folding back and his sharp canines showing as he slightly bares his teeth at you. “Y're so good at that, sweet. This little mouth made just f'r my cock to fuck, hm?”

You gag again, struggling, as little tears drop from your eyes, staining your pretty face, making your eyes glisten.

Fuck, Jake likes watching you cry as you take his cock, in whatever hole he can stick it in. It makes him feral, all primitive instincts and no mercy. He has the urge to bite you, lick you, spank you and eat you out and fuck you until you pass out.

Fuck, he's down so bad for you.

“'m gonna fill your mouth, girl. And y're gonna swallow every last drop of m'cum, understand?”

You cry softly, sobbing on Jake's cock, as your tongue presses against his underside. Jake thrusts into your mouth a few more times before his load is spurting down your throat, flooding your mouth.

You pull away, releasing his cock from your mouth with a loud, wet pop, and you quickly swallow his salty seed. Jake's breathing heavily, chest rising and falling, ready to ask you once again what's going on when you pull him to get to the ground. The second he's on his knees in front of you, you undo your loincloth and climb on him, rubbing your cunt over his cock.

He groans, his hands on your hips, moving down to your ass and kneading the soft flesh there.

You grind yourself down on his cock, gasping into his ear, softly nibbling on his jaw. You rise your mouth to his, eyes watching his.

He glances down at your lips and runs his tongue over his own, inviting you to kiss him.

So you lean in, pressing a desperate, needy kiss to his mouth. It's nothing like the other kiss he gave you. This one is distant, different. It lacks whatever little spark the other one had. You moan against his tongue, purposely whining and mewling, your hips gyrating against his, distracting him from his thoughts.

Jake bites your lower lip softly, and when you slightly pull back, he takes the chance to say, “Talk to me, girl. What is it?”

With your eyes firmly on his, you lie on your back and spread your legs for him. Jake's predatory eyes fall to your cunt, his cock twitching at the sight.

But he can't. He has to ask you, has to clear things up...

You drag your fingers up your slit, arching your back, moaning softly before Jake. So close, just inches away. Your nipples are hard, peeking out of your beaded top, your breasts heaving up and down with every hurried breath.

He has to make sure you're okay...he has to say he's sorry for how he behaved...

“Daddy, please,” you mewl, big eyes begging for him. “Need it s'bad. Please, Daddy. Please give me your cock. Please. Use me.”

Jake's hands find your thighs and he softly pulls you to him. You wanted him to use you? He could do that with ease.

He's puts you in missionary, lifting your hips so that your ass is on his thighs, your legs wrapped around his hips. He sighs softly as he pushes into you, stretching you out.

You squeal, nails digging into his forearms as his hands hold your hips in place.

“Y'want me t'use you, girl?” he grunts out. “I'll use you. Use this tight pussy however I damn well please.”

He doesn't even give you time to adjust. His thrusts are deep and rough, painful but only in the right amount.

Still, the stretch hurts you, and it has you whining and crying, sobbing as he fucks you. You limit yourself to arching your back, trying not to focus on the pain.

“Daddy,” you sob. “Daddy.”

“Yeah, Daddy's takin' care 'f'you, girl,” Jake says, hips slamming into yours. “You gonna fuckin' let me or 're you gonna fuckin' complain 'bout it?”

“Daddy,” you gasp. “Daddy. Just use me, Daddy.”

“Yeah, that's what I'm fuckin' doin'.”

You move one of your hands to your clit, rubbing little circles on it in hopes that it'll help you take Jake's huge cock.

The thing is, you actually kind of like the pain. You like how Jake's cock forces you open, you like the ache, like how the big tip bruises your cervix, like the way his hips crash into yours.

Somewhere along the way, the pain and pleasure mix and become one. You don't know which one is predominant, you just know that the feeling is overwhelming, and it makes you shake and cry.

“Y're close, aren't you?” Jake mocks when he feels you grow taut around him, your eyes fluttering shut, your body quaking.

“Mm! Yes! Yes!” you reply, hating how much he knows you. “Daddy! Please!”

“Yeah, you wanna come? You want Daddy t'make y'come?”

“Please!” you beg, hips stuttering against his.

“Well, you're gonna give me somethin' in return 'f y'want me to let you come,” he tells you. He lies you down, your back against the ground, your ass sliding off his thighs and landing on the soft grass. As Jake climbs on top of you, he grabs your braid. “'f y'want Daddy t'make you come on his cock, girl, y've gotta gimme tsaheylu, yeah?”

You close your eyes and nod. He connects your braid to his and you gasp, shaking, your hips already bucking up in dire need of his harsh thrusts.

Jake can feel how bad you want him, how close your orgasm is, but he can also sense something else. Something buried deep, hidden under layers and layers. Still, he can feel its slight presence, cold and sad, and it seems to be haunting over your mind.

But your lust is the main sensation that rushes to him through the bond, and that, he can do something about.

He resumes his arduous thrusts, making you sob, back arching. You lift one of your hands to your breast, pinching your nipple and moaning. You're shuddering under him, a mess of tears and sweat and arousal.

Jake considers kissing you, decides he's going to, and begins leaning down toward you. But you move your face to the side, avoiding his mouth, and something in Jake breaks a little.

You close your eyes, needy and whining, one of your hands finding your clit again and being rough in the way you touch yourself.

Jake can feel you're close. Your orgasm is peeking over the edge, reaching for you, and he decides he'll at least give you this.

He makes you come, makes you cry his name and shake. You're absolutely breathless and weak as he thrusts a few more times inside of you and finally releases, his cum staining your puffy cunt.

Jake presses his face to the crook of your neck, kissing over your pulse, licking the sweat off your skin.

And then you start crying—really crying. Whimpering and sobbing, your body shaking.

Alarmed, Jake rises his eyes to look at your face, but you've got your eyes closed and your hands find his shoulders to push him off of you.

He quickly pulls out of you, sitting up and pulling you up with him.

“Baby,” he says, his voice shaking. “Baby, what's wrong?”

Tsaheylu is still made, and Jake can feel your sadness. Just like you can feel his fear. It distracts you, makes you more nervous, so you end up breaking the bond by removing your braid from his.

Jake can feel your loss. He's carved a space for you in his heart, his mind, his soul. And you've just removed yourself from it, leaving nothing but a void behind.

“Baby, tell me what's wrong,” Jake asks, holding you on his lap, his arms around your waist.

You wipe your face, trying to stop the crying, trying to hide from him. He grabs your hands in his, holding your arms away from your face. He kisses your cheek, over the many trails your tears have left.

“Just tell me, girl,” he pleads quietly. He sounds so small...so vulnerable. “However you want to, just tell me.”

Between thick sobs and little sniffles, you cry, “You're replacing me, Jake! I'm yours, but you're free to belong to whomever you want. You-you don't think I'm enough. You're out looking for another toy already and I—'s not fair to me! You can choose anyone else! But for me, there-there's only you, Jake! I only have you!”

Jake folds his ears back in shame. How could he have fucked up enough for you to believe that? How much of an asshole could he have been to make you think that?

“Baby—” Jake starts, cooing softly.

“Don't leave me!” you beg, sobbing. “P-please! I'll be good! I'm good! I-I'll improve my aim, Jake! I'll fix my manners! I...I'll let you fuck me whenever you want! I'll let you use me! Y-you can do whatever you want to me. Just, please, don't leave me!”

Jake sighs softly, his heart breaking in his chest. “Is that why you wanted to fuck, sweet? 'Cause you wanted to convince me to stay?”

You sob, nodding weakly. Your tear-filled eyes glance at the ground, avoiding his gaze.

“Baby,” he coos, grabbing your chin in his hand and drawing your eyes up to his. “I'm not going to leave you. I never even planned on it, girl.” He sighs gently. “I'm sorry I made you feel like that, baby. You're mine, as much as I'm yours. I can't belong to anyone else 'cause I'm yours. I belong to you, girl. My mind, my body and my soul are yours, baby.”

You sniffle. “But that other girl—”

“Is no one,” he cuts it. “She wanted me to teach her to shoot an arrow, but it's damn well impossible. I can't teach her shit because everything she does seems wrong to me. Everything she does is off because she doesn't do it like you. She's not you, baby. There's no one in this fucking world that can compare to you. And that's what's wrong with everyone else. If they're not you, I don't fucking want them. Y'understand me? All I want is you. You, you, you. And it's not only about your body, girl. It's not just about you being my toy. You're more than that to me. I-I don't really know how to explain it, but you're part of me now. Without you, I just...feel something's missin'. I won't ever leave you, baby. I'll be yours forever, my girl.”

Your eyes study his carefully. “Y'promise?”

“Cross my heart, baby,” he replies, placing a kiss on your forehead. “I'm such an asshole. Baby, I'm sorry. I...should've told you sooner. I should've made it clear that I'm yours. Should've shown you how I felt. I'm so fuckin' sorry.”

You wrap your arms around his neck, leaning your head on his shoulder, your crying ceasing. “'s okay,” you mumble. “I forgive you.”

Jake hugs you, squeezing you softly. “Thank you, baby,” he mumbles. “I don't know what I woulda done if I'd lost you.”

A while later, once you've calmed down, Jake helps you get dressed again. And after dressing himself he takes you on a small walk, wandering amongst the foliage and talking about anything you want to. Your spirits improve significantly, and as you grow more comfortable around him, Jake realizes something he's pretty sure he's known for a while now.

I...I'm in love.

@who-is-ej @jake-sullys-whore @sweetllamaparadise @erenjaegerwifee @kamcrazy123

————

I have absolutely no words for this I was just feeling mushy and fluffy and I needed comfort in daddy Jake 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ I hope y'all enjoyed it!!!

#avatar jake sully #avatar #avatar fanfiction #jake sully x reader #reader insert #avatar smut #jake sully #fanfic #jake sully smut #jake sully fluff #jake sully angst #dilf jake sully #avatar 2009 #avatar angst #na'vi avatar #na’vi smut #na'vi smut

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bengiyo · 6 months

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Middleman's Love Ep 5 Stray Thoughts

Last week, the boys went to Songkran. Jade felt bad for Mai and went along with him. Tong got told off by King and went to hang out with Gus, but Gus was hurt by Tong being especially mean to him. Jade had an incredibly reasonable reaction to misunderstanding Mai's request to eat together every day, and then they helped Jade's sister deal with a pervert. Mai confessed to Jade, but he totally misunderstood it again and thought Mai was aiming for a better evaluation. Jade's fudanshi eyes are getting in the way.

Oh good. We're picking up with Mai making sure Jade knows he's serious.

Mai fell in love with Jade when he saw him save that puppy? I'm about it.

Finally! A romantic lead responds to someone who doesn't think they're someone people fall in love with by naming the specific traits they enjoy!

Yes, Mai, go for the obvious seme moves. It's the only way to get through to a fudanshi.

I'm actually enjoying the smartwatch bit.

I do like when we have a dutiful son struggling under the weight of parental expectations.

Gus holding his ground and not easily reconciling with Tong is something that can be so personal.

NGERN ANUPART IS IN THIS SHOW. HOW WAS I NOT TOLD THIS??

Oh my god. This is giving Domundi queer life after school special, but I like the modeling of parental behavior in this scene. Everyone is surprised at first, but rallies to Mai's said and expresses curiosity about Jade while also reiterating their unconditional support and love. Good job, BL.

I love King and Uea being patient with Jade even as they tease him.

Jade is such a mess that Mai's attempts at flirtation consistently go awry.

This company put a decent amount of money into this sports day event. Everyone got outfits and everything.

Well well well. Jade is now jealous of his perception of the potential between Mai and Gus.

Is that the actor who played Valentine in Love Area in this flashback?? It is! Does he break Jade's poor little heart??

He does it in the next scene? Damn!

Oh, this is mean. You can break up with someone without telling them there's something fundamentally wrong with them. This guy suck.

Still, I don't mind the heavy handed flashback here if we're going to see Jade struggle with his own jealousy.

Damn, King! You can't just take that man's egg!!

There goes that jealousy again.

They have played multiple rounds and no one has changed this score board.

Oh, Gus, you are adorable and I love you.

I really love Uea, and love seeing him have fun.

Cannot believe we're getting a montage of Mandee variety content as a plot. Can't believe how amused I am by it.

Yes, Uea, please chide King for his lack of tact, even if the direct approach is probably correct with Jade.

Yes, let Uea hold the award. It's what he deserves.

Oh lord we're ending on a misunderstanding.

I'm so invested in Jade feeling like he deserves love, holy shit. When did this show sneak up on me?

#middleman's love #the middleman's love #thai bl #bl series #Ben watches

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obislittleone · 2 years

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Obi and I

Part 1 of the Obi and Little One Miniseries

Summary: You are not as well versed in the Grammar of galactic basic as you would think your are, and Obi-Wan playfully teaches you to make the small corrections.

Warnings: there will probably never be warnings in these that are actual warnings it’s all just so fluffy and sweet-

A/n: i am getting back into my groove for them, and dude- i finished HoM not even a month ago but i missed them so much I’m just glad to be back and writing for them (btw this is an actual memory from my DR, some parts are written differently for the sake of I cannot remember the entire event as it happened… but like cmon gimme credit i was six)

It had been a rough day. Standing at the age of six and a half, it was very intimidating to join the class of nine year old younglings in the temple. You would have been fine to go about the training session with Master Yoda, but in between the lessons, there were break times that socialization was allowed while Yoda spoke with whomever had come for his attention and wisdom. Why was this such a conundrum? Well, said nine year old younglings were not fond of having a younger classmate among them, rather, a younger classmate who’s power outweighs their own. Children, as funny as it would seem, are more prone to dark side tendencies than fully grown adult Jedi. Children had innocence, but they also lacked knowledge of right from wrong, or more importantly, the difference between them.

You didn’t understand it, the instant and sad way they shunned you from the start. It wasn’t your fault, you had done no wrong, and you tried to be friends. You’d been shoved to the ground and belittled, before being laughed at and embarrassed. Your anger and humiliation bubbled to the surface, just as Master Yoda and Mace Windu were coming to examine the class. You couldn’t help it, you stood to your feet and used the force to knock one boy into another, letting them all fall over like dominos. Mace Windu saw the smile you wore after it, and had mistranslated it as being one of malicious intent. You’d been reprimanded soon after, and taken for a time out in the hallway, a random Padawan was assigned to watch over you until the council was done deciding what to do with your behavior.

You were scared, but the second you saw a familiar face walking down the hallway to greet you, the fear began the melt away, and it was replaced with joy and excitement.

“Obi!” You jumped from your cross legged position against the wall, and ran straight into his legs, grabbing onto them tightly to keep him from continuing down the hallway. “I knew you’d come to see me.”

“Hello, little one,” he beamed, not expecting to run into your excited little self, but glad he did all the same. In truth he hadn’t been looking for you, but he hadn’t spent any time with you since he returned from the last mission dispute with Qui-Gon. “What are you doing all the way in the council sector, I thought you were starting new lessons today?”

You reached up and shook your arms slightly, and he took the hint, rolling his eyes as he bent down and scooped you up, bringing you to eye level and waiting for your answer. Though you were small, you were still just as intelligent as a child much older than yourself. You liked being able to look someone straight in the face when you spoke to them, it made you feel dignified, like an adult. Obi-Wan never minded, he thought it was sweet that you wanted to hold a proper conversation like that.

“The other younglings in the class were being mean to me, Obi.”

“I see, did you tell Master Yoda?”

The look in your eyes faded and you shook your head to tell him that you didn’t. He sighed, brushing some hair away from your forehead and out of your eyes. Your wild mane was never tamed, and he wondered why the Masters who took care of you would never tie it back to help you. Perhaps he’d do it once and see if it helped you.

“Why don’t we talk to him together? You can explain to him what happened,” he suggested, but again your head shook back and forth, your eyes widening and telling him you were probably scared to do so. “Why not?”

“Because he and Master Windu think I was the one being mean.”

Well, now he was confused. How had this mix up even happened? He wondered the contents of the situation but feared to ask you about them, thinking that perhaps it could make you sad or angry. He decided to take a different approach.

“Were you being mean to the other younglings?” He asked quizzically, and your dramatic heave of a breath began your telling of events.

“No, I was trying to make them stop laughing at me,” you left out the part where you knocked them all to the ground, because your dear friend Obi-Wan, though much older and wiser than you, did not need to have all the intricate details.

He knew you’d probably let your anger get the better of you, and you must have reacted badly to the teasing of the older children. He was never sure why they had moved you from your old class anyways. You had been doing so well where you were. Sure, you were far passed the teachings that the others your age were receiving, but they could have arranged a different lesson plan for you, instead of putting you somewhere that you didn’t belong. Obi-Wan in his mind was betting on only a few weeks until they put you back in the class you needed to be in.

“Little one, we must not repay wrong doings with wrong doings. Whatever happened, you must continue to show the light of a Jedi, and hope that they can learn from your example,” he sighed, realizing that even over all this nonsense, you were still a child, and your heightened mind did not change the fact that you were young and sometimes lacked the self control needed. “Treat them as you would treat yourself, and maybe they will begin to return that kindness.”

You nodded like you understood, but it was still such a wild concept for you to take in. Why should you treat those that hurt you with respect? Why should you be kind to them when all they have done is humiliate you? They deserved what they got, and you weren’t sorry, but you needed to be, and that’s what you couldn’t comprehend.

“What if they push me down again?”

Obi-Wan frowned.

“They pushed you down? What for?” He was beginning to think that you were only defending yourself now, as it seemed there was more to the story than he originally gathered. He should have just asked you what happened in the first place.

“I tried to stand next to them in our break time, I don’t think they liked me very much at all,” your explanation was heartbreaking. You were only trying to make friends, even though it must have been intimidating and they were all a few years older than you, you still were brave enough to try, and they were only cruel to you. Obi-Wan absolutely would not stand for that.

The council meeting had adjourned, and out poured the members of the committee, strolling through the hallway and leaving Master Windu to deal with the very person they had discussed, you.

“Padawan Kenobi, I did not expect to see you here,” the tall man spoke, coming closer to inspect the scene before him. Qui Gin Jinn was a Jedi Master, infamous for having attachments that shouldn’t be allowed, but seeing as he was a brilliant fighter and a strong and wise man, the council would never have enough grounds to expel him, nor would they want to. Master Windu however found it unnecessary that he teach his Padawan to do the same. It was all too fond, the way Kenobi treated you, with his favoritism and protection, even when you may not deserve it. Just as right this moment, you were supposed to be punished, not coddled, and Obi-Wan was doing just that.

“I didn’t think I would be still, but I noticed she was here and wondered what was wrong?” He asked indirectly to the Jedi Master, his brow furrowing as if he was confused and you hadn’t just told him the story.

“I’m afraid she’s done some things today that have put her in the wrong. We were just discussing what form of discipline to issue for her actions.”

Just as you had explained, accept for Obi-Wan believed you over Master Windu, however young you were, he knew you’d never lied to him in the last few years he’d known you. Being the first person to ever truly treat you with kindness and respect as a human being, and not as a slave, you quickly formed a bond with him, and felt as though you could open up and tell him things, completely in an honest sense.

“I hope the punishment doesn’t last long, we were only just discussing my promise to show her the meditation room, weren’t we?” He looked to you, and though you were surprised, you looked back to Master Windu and nodded rapidly with a smile. Master Windu could admit, when Kenobi was around you, you were far more tame and in control. Perhaps a form of reprimanding wouldn’t be necessary just this once, and hopefully spending more time with Kenobi will make you a better behaved child. “And I am a man of my word.”

Mace sighed, looking down to the ground before back to Kenobi with a look that said ‘this is the only time I’ll look the other way.’

“The meditation rooms are a good place to learn peace, perhaps you should introduce her to the concept,” Mace said, as if it were a warning, then turned heel, walking away with a slouched posture. It had been a long day for the Grand Master.

You waited for him to be out of the hallway before you hugged Obi-Wan extra tight around the neck, squealing like a shriek hawk in his ear. He leaned away with a small chuckle, too relieved at the small victory to be annoyed by your loud, shrill voice.

“That was a close one!” You whisper shouted, and he nodded, turning back to you, and shaking his head. He didn’t know why he put himself on the line like that for a kid sometimes, but then he saw your giddy smile, and he understood. You needed him as your protector, because no one else would take the job. You trusted him, and being a man of his word, he would never want to betray that trust, even if you were only six and a half.

“Indeed it was, little one.”

You were very calm now, walking the halls alongside Obi-Wan, head held high in the air with a pleasant and sophisticated look on your face as you passed through the halls to find your youngling group in the common area. He would look down and smile every few minutes at how mature you were trying to act. He supposed it was because of your massive success in the meditation room, where you were finally able to let your mind fill the room, and you could be one with your surroundings. He was proud to have been there when you figured it out, feeling even the tiniest shred of joy that he was somewhat able to help you achieve that state of mind. It was the first time he was able to really feel your signature as a developed, personal force. You were always strongly connected with it, the force, but never did you have your own identity through it, and he thinks that perhaps today, you may have achieved it.

The soft green embers of the waves in your signature, emanating off of you even now, told him what he knew to be true long ago. You were a consular. Strong with the force, and wise beyond what wisdom can be. You were powerful already, and were going to grow to be even more-so by the time you reached the age of padawancy.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when walking into the large room, spotting your group. You’d stopped in your tracks and kept hold of his hand, telling him without words that you didn’t want to go any further. He understood, as he followed your line of sight to see the younglings, all conversing together, exchanging different gestures the likes of which you were not made aware of. Obi-Wan sighed, looking down to you and kneeling to meet your eyes.

“I’m sure you don’t have to go back right away,” he mentioned, and you looked at him with a frightened look in your eye, which was slowly melting away as he spoke to you. You seemed to be rather calmed by his voice. “Come sit with my Master and I.”

The way your face immediately lit up, and your sense of sophistication returned, with your head nodding once before taking his hand again and following him to where his Master was, it made Obi-Wan happy, simply just because you were happy.

Going to sit down in a chair that was far too big for you, you heaved yourself over the front of it, scooting back into the backrest and making yourself comfortable, your legs barely hanging off the end of the seat. Master Qui Gon turned his attention from his holo-pad, an amused smile crawling across his face as he crossed his arms in the direction of his Padawan, who had to help nudge to the last of the way into your seat, after which he took his own seat right beside you.

“What do we have here?” Qui Gon chuckled, and you looked to him with that cheesy sophisticated smile, folding your hands and holding them over your lap ass if you were an adult.

“Me and Obi went to the meditation room today,” you said matter of factly, and both men chuckled, the younger of the two leaning closer to you and helping your grammar.

“Obi and I, little one,” he reminded you, but you were not bothered by it, continuing on to tell your story while Qui Gon listened on and asked questions with great interest.

“Well we did, and,-and” you stuttered a bit in your excitement, and they both found it very endearing. “I meditated, for real.”

“Did you now?” The Jedi Master turned to his own apprentice, and raised a brow, surprised.

“She did, I felt her energy reaching out.”

Qui Gon was not only happy for you, but proud of Obi-Wan, for being a good mentor to you, and even at your age, a good friend. From what he understood, you were treated as rather more of an asset than a human being, and whenever you did something to act like a human, they weren’t exactly accepting of it. He was glad you had someone you could trust, someone you could talk to, because he doubted you would open up to anyone else to allow them your thoughts.

“I really did! And then me and Obi came here to tell you,” you informed him, and the Master nodded his head, though he was ready to look over the small mistake in your speech, his padawan was not the same, leaning closer again to tell you.

“Obi and I,” he said this time, but in a quicker manner, almost as if to poke fun at you. You turned to him and reached your hand up, putting your sweaty little palm over the entirety of his mouth.

“Shhh,” you told him impatiently, and turned back to Qui Gon to finish your story. Obi-Wan couldn’t help but laugh, and it took everything in his Master not to do the same. He would say there was never a dull moment having Kenobi as his Padawan, constantly cracking jokes, being witty and sarcastic and all the things that made up his personality. He was sometimes rather arrogant, but as of lately, and having you around to put him in his place, he seemed to be mellowing out.

By the time you were finished with your story, and Qui Gon had learned about all the events of the day, it was at last the time when you would need to return to your group. He bid you a farewell and Obi-Wan walked you back to your group, your quick little steps trying to keep up with Obi-Wan’s even stride as you always did when reaching up to hold his hand.

When Obi-Wan returned, his Master shook his head, standing up and beginning to walk with the young man towards the halls, ready to retire to their apartment for the evening.

“You shouldn’t tease her like that,” he somewhat scolded his student, but leaving it open ended enough that it wasn’t a real reproach. “She looks up to you, you may as well be her greatest admiration.”

“You used to tease me the same way,” Obi-Wan countered, and knowing that Qui Gon was his greatest admiration, he seemed to think it perfectly fair.

“She’s six,” Qui Gon told him, turning to see the souring expression of Kenobi’s face. “She may not understand, and think you’re really making fun of her.”

“I don’t think so, she’s quite brilliant for her age.”

“Even still. If you want to be her Master one day, you must think about your approaches to teaching her. You’re nearing the completion of your own training, you know,” it was the first time it had been brought up among them, but in the past, they both had been feeling their several years of long spent time coming to and end, one way or another. If Obi-Wan was going to be a Jedi Knight soon, then that would mean separating himself from his own Master, to form an identity of his own, perhaps one as your Master.

“I understand. You must forgive me, Master. It’s not my place to disagree with you.”

Qui Gon was a gentle and compassionate man, built for many great endeavors, and most of all being a Jedi. He was wise and strong, and there had never been another person in the galaxy that Obi-Wan would have picked to be his Master over the one he had. He only hoped that in the future, he could do enough right by you that you could feel the same way.

tags:

@cool-h-posts @honestlywtfisgoingon

#obi wan kenobi #obi wan series #obi wan x reader #obi wan kenobi x reader #obi wan x padawan #ewan mcgregor #obi wan kenobi x padawan!reader

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living-for-fiction · 2 months

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Vent incoming; if you thirsty hoes want drama that doesn't affect you then read on. I've been pretty inactive recently because life is life-ing and, well, I was trying to keep my shit together with the single thread of sanity I had.

After a long talk with a trusted confidante about the very recent loss of a 30 year friendship, I have come to an uncomfortable realization. Some of the realization I came to when the friendship ended, and some of it I came to after talking with this confidante for more than an hour. This person is someone I tell everything and whose perspective and advice I greatly appreciate. They have no problem calling me on my bullshit, but they also have no problem telling me when I am being too hard on myself and taking on blame for things that aren't my fault.

The entire time I was friends with this person, they regularly used aversive actions to attempt to correct my behavior. In this case, the friendship ended because they are angry that I am not allowing them to decide who I am allowed to be in a romantic relationship with. It's obvious in retrospect; they disliked my relationships with both my serious exes, strongly encouraged me to end those relationships, and made their disapproval clear when I did not comply. This time, they not only hate my girlfriend (their word - I am not exaggerating, they said they hate her) but they ascribed my girlfriend's autistic behaviors and innate distrust of EVERYONE due to PTSD as evidence that she hated them specifically. Any attempt to explain my girlfriend's behaviors was met with accusations of making excuses for her. Any time I tried to point out that it was uncool to harshly judge an autistic person for being autistic was met with great offense - how DARE I accuse them of ableism for... deciding that an autistic person being autistic was inherently rude and somehow her being autistic AT them.

When this person made it clear to me they did not like my girlfriend, I stopped talking about her much with them. But I shot myself in the foot, because I would still vent when we were having issues as I trusted and cared for this person deeply and wanted their advice/comfort, but in trying to not talk about her much that meant I did not talk about the good times and things. But then they did not want to hear about her at all because they decided they hate her and that she must hate them too - and they made that clear to her in a VILE way that she still has nightmares about. Still, I'm weak enough that I wanted to stay friends with this person, even in a limited capacity. So while our friendship was quite damaged, I stayed their friend, and just never brought up my girlfriend to them or asked them to interact.

And then came last night where they informed me that as long as I am with my girlfriend, we cannot be friends. That hurts. It is a boundary they are allowed to set, but it also came with the clear underlying statement: "You are not allowed to have anyone in your life that I don't get along with. You are only allowed to have relationships with people I like. I decide who you are allowed to date, be friends with, form relationships with."

I will not be breaking up with my girlfriend. I will not be giving in to that kind of ultimatum. And even if, in the future, we were to break up, I don't think it would be healthy to resume a relationship of any kind with this person. They expect an unprecedented level of control over my life. I won't pretend to have been a perfect friend - far from it; I have done things that seriously hurt this person before, and I regret them deeply. They, however, have outright told me before that they don't give a damn if they hurt me and won't apologize for doing so. They expect to have a level of control over who I am allowed to associate with that no one should ever have over another person. Their version of respect is that I should accommodate them wholly over everyone else in my life.

When I was speaking with my confidante, she said something that after some reflection very much seems to be true. "[They like] you best single," she said, "because then [they] can be your main focus, or your only focus. [They] don't want you to have a relationship, because then another person is just as important as [they are] in your life."

Ironically, this is something the person in question said my girlfriend wanted from me. I've long said that the reason they don't get along is because they are too similar in the wrong ways, in their negatives. They can't be wrong, they have a mean streak; apparently, the need to be the most important person in my life is one of them. But only one person has not only demanded that position, but demanded that I kick that other person out of my life. And it's not my girlfriend. In fact, knowing how important this person was to me, my girlfriend asked me if there was anything she could do to repair the damage to my relationship with this person. I told her no, because by then I was scared of trying to do anything, because it seemed anything other than breaking up with my girlfriend would be insufficient.

And it is. That is their boundary. They will not have a relationship with me while I am with my girlfriend.

And I have taken the time to think, and something has become very clear. This person has spent their entire life trying to "correct" my behavior. Scratching me until I bled as a child when I did something they didn't like, hitting me as an adult. One time I went over to their house when I felt suicidal so I could be in a safe place and not alone, and they berated me for daring to be suicidal, then took my phone away from me when I tried to call for help. Then when I left the house they called the cops on me because they were ~so scared I would kill myself~ after they all but chased me out of the house for going there for support. Called the cops on a mentally ill suicidal person, it's damn lucky I'm white because I had a knife on me at the time (not to hurt anyone, for self injuring purposes), if I were a black suicidal person in that situation with a knife - even though I was only using it on myself - do you think I'd be alive to write this right now? They've always tried to "correct" my behavior and parent me. When I was younger it involved hitting and scratching to bring me into submission. At older, take away their means of communication, then call the cops when they leave. (Yes I know they were scared for me it was still a shit thing to do and they are the one who made it a situation by berating me for daring to be suicidal as if that is something someone controls.) Now apparently, in full fledged adulthood, it looks like telling someone who they can and can't have a relationship with.

Oh and as an aside, Former friend - I do know you're reading this; it's shock and moot if you aren't. You've made it clear that when something bad happens between us you read every vent I write, even things that were supposed to be private because you were allegedly done with me, since you like stringing me along, knowing my abandonment issues will send me crawling back to you. I am weak that way and need to work on that. You know exactly who you are, and you can know I am writing this fully sober, lucid, having spoken with a specific person about this to gage what's going on, and am now venting- perhaps not in the best possible way, but in a way that will let me get my feelings out without hurting myself or someone else. There will be no "gotcha, I saw what you wrote about me, what now!" I know your version of cutting someone out of your life involves snooping to see if they vented about you and being pissy when they do, seeking some form of comfort.

#personal #when it blows up it blows up #i am a writer and i spent 3 hours on this one post because i am a disaster

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monster42069 · 1 year

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You wanna know how I know most people who hold TERF-like mindsets are dangerous and don’t actually have an end plan besides eradicating transsexuals(ironically including detrans people, and if they keep going with the mindset— they’re supporting the problems they claim to be fighting against)? I’m not on HRT, and I don’t have $ for gender-affirming surgery right now. I have other priorities to focus on, so it’s not a current goal with a timeline. I’m just existing as myself.

My hormones are back to how they were before T, for the most part. It’s still a bit higher with androgens, but it’s nearly the same as before I started HRT; right below borderline for meeting “male” low-androgen hormone criteria and high “female” criteria. My body has always produced high androgens. Since it’s currently causing little to no problems rn, and even if it were causing some issues besides reactions to my appearance, that’s just how I am! I’m naturally gender-nonconforming because my body has a mixture of secondary sex characteristics. It was noticed in elementary school.

So, what exactly am I doing that is “wrong” to them? What can I change and stop? What do they mean by “ruining my body” when it’s at the same hormone levels as when I was 19? What traits exactly are they talking about when insinuating that I ruined myself, and how would I “stop” and make them happy? I’d love to hear. I’m sure it’s nothing newer than what my conservative trad fascist and misogynistic pig relatives told me about my body growing up.

If I stop calling myself a transsexual and told people to call me by my birth gender marker and name, I’d actually be doing exactly what they complain about! I’d be focusing on a label that needs and encourages gender roles when unnecessary. I’d be correcting and telling people that they should call me by a gender even if my appearance makes them instinctively feel like saying otherwise because transphobic people say so…because of the genitals no one can see and birth certificate that’s none of their business.

And what does it change, really? What could I do? What would detransition look like for someone like me? How would I become a morally responsible feminist like them who isn’t sucked into the gendie cult? Oh, considering that my body shouldn’t be altered beyond what is natural of it, that must mean that the focus for the solution is on gender identity and roles. How ironic. All I could do is constantly push that I’m a woman, to call me a woman, don’t call me anything else, etc. I’d have to push myself with beauty products and culture to force myself to fit into the sexist expectations of women to be seen as a woman. You know, the behavior that TERFs/TERF-like people complain about that some transsexuals have online. Lol

“I’m a woman. Don’t erase my womanhood. It’s she/her.” or “Don’t worry about it.” They have a problem with the latter when applied to irl situations because they cannot see my genitals. They want to know my genitals and reproductive system to make a judgement on me and know how to act. Sexism at it’s core.

As “gender abolitionists”(who happen be sexists lol), they think that the first option is better?

Seems more like they want me to stop existing. Seems like they hold contradictory, hole-ridden, and dangerous mindsets for everyone; especially women, transsexuals, and anyone else gender-nonconforming(whether on purpose or not).

I mean, look at how many comments they make like, “LOL gendie idiot with a full mustache and beard in a dress calling himself a woman 🤣 looney freaks and [some accusation or comparison to sexually predatory behavior]”.

Huh, weird. I was a little girl and teenage girl with a beard in a dress for my entire childhood and teen years to some people and a guy wearing a dress to others and a mystery he-she dykefaggot homosexual to others. Pre-coming out, post-coming out, during therapy to cure me of my homosexuality/confusion, before HRT, during HRT, and after I had stopped HRT.

So, going by the comments I see in the TERF and “good intending, wanting to help” circles focused on ending transsexualism, then adding my lived experiences of how people respond to my existence as a GNC person irl….

They have no solution or cause besides shaming people and giving men in the government more authority with controlling our bodies. That mindset and “feminism” based on thinking some people are icky to you is going to end up worsening lives of women and anyone who isn’t gender-conforming or conventional to the gender stereotypes, including cis people who aren’t intersex with “normal” hormone levels and people who come from different cultures. This includes anyone who is same sex attracted.

My area didn’t know what transgender or transsexual was until I moved here. They only knew “homosexual” or “gay”, and most still use that language and view anyone GNC or LGBT+ as simply “gay”.

I’d just love answers to these because no one has answered the questions I ask that actually matter and affect irl lives. No one will mention irl behaviors and actions when in situations with people like me. Probably because they’d assume wrongful accusations of me or feel uncomfortable not knowing what’s in my pants until they get an answer to that.

No one owes you information on their body. If you’re making judgements based on characteristics created by someone’s body, you’re a piece of shit bully who’s spreading damning rhetoric that only supports sexism and not as intelligent as you act, lmao.

#…#negative subject and I’m high and being an asshole about transphobia bc of issues in my county #im too tired to put my full thoughts down anyway 🥱#transphobia tw #long post

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thebiballerina · 1 year

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Resource/Greatest Hits Masterpost

Resources

All my resource lists can be found easily (and probably with nicer formatting) on my Dreamwidth at https://thebiballerina.dreamwidth.org/. A wider selection and the most up-to-date versions of the lists will be there, though I do try to update the lists everywhere I post them.

Sideblog for Tumblr resource/advice posts: @random-useful-posts (There is an index in its pinned post.)

Sideblog for regular self-care reminders: @timelyreminder

Fanfiction Commenting Guide: Tumblr, Dreamwidth

Easy Fanfic Library (AO3 tag organization with downloaded fanfic): Tumblr, Dreamwidth

Hotlines and Resources: Tumblr (at my self-care blog @timelyreminder), Dreamwidth

Free (Legal) Digital Media: Tumblr, Dreamwidth

Writing Resources: Dreamwidth

Free Media Creation and Editing Software: Dreamwidth

Free mathematics resources (specifically for college/university students who struggle with mathematics, but may be useful to others as well): Tumblr

Calming Resources and Activities: Dreamwidth

With regards to the note in my bio about copy-pasting rather than screenshotting text, I highly recommend seeing the pinned post of @can-i-make-image-descriptions for advice on accessibility for Tumblr users. (They also have a post of description templates.) I'm not shaming anyone and I'm not perfect with accessibility, but please do not expect people to reply to something they cannot read.

Greatest Hit Posts

"Rating Band Names as Commands": the original post and my later laments, record of the firstborn I've been promised, the tag

Sleeping in summer as described by Katy Perry's "Hot N Cold", the comic: the comic, the music video, the tag

A Jigsaw trap for Sherlock Holmes adaptors writing Irene Adler: the original post, free ebook and audiobook editions of A Scandal in Bohemia, accessibility in murder traps is important, commentary on Irene being described as an "adventuress", polycule-playoff poll about the nature of the relationship between Irene and Sherlock, the tag

Fix-it Fanfiction Statistics and Leverage: The Power of Leverage (the original post and John Rogers' tweeted reaction), Fix-it Fanfiction by Fandom: The spreadsheets and nerd stuff, "The Leverage Test" tag

Where Else You Can Find Me

Dreamwidth: thebiballerina

Mastodon: thebiballerina on fandom.ink

Star Trek sideblog: @dilithiumkristal

I am a co-creator and mod of the Land of Myth Discord server for gen BBC Merlin fandom. See the merlingen community on Dreamwidth or message me for a link.

Other Notes

My profile picture was created by @sunshine--sketches. Check out the shop linked in their profile.

My username should be parsed as "the bi ballerina". If you have been misinterpreting it for years, you are not the only one.

Requests I Wish I Didn't Have To Add

Don't Harass People Based on My Words. (If an action is harassment when targeted at a good person, it is also harassment against anyone else.)

Tumblr has a rampant harassment culture problem. Most users do not recognize their behavior as harassment. Thus, if you just thought to yourself that this doesn't apply to you, please indulge me and take a moment to read on. It can't hurt.

These behaviors are wrong and unhelpful, even if they are targeted against someone truly horrible. Don't feed the trolls, don't bolster bigots' persecution narratives, and don't help cults further indoctrinate their recruits.

I do not condone any of the following actions. I will block anyone I find engaging in that sort of behavior.

Don't initiate direct contact with anyone because of a negative interaction I had with them or a criticism I made. This includes messages, asks, contact through other platforms, etc. (Basically, anything other than commenting in the relevant public posts.)

Don't use a negative interaction or criticism I made as supporting evidence in call-out posts or other methods of spreading assertions about others. I will not tell anyone what to think about a person, beyond providing/correcting factual context as needed, so everyone can form opinions for themselves.

Don't target individuals because of a trend I criticized, whether in media, fandom, society, or otherwise. Criticism of a pattern does not imply condemnation of any singular instance following that pattern.

Don't demand disclosure (or proof) of someone's private information for the sake of justifying/criticizing their engagement with specific topics. Private information includes identities, demographics, relationships, trauma, life experiences, etc.

Don't unexpectedly involve creators in negative discussions of their work. I do not want anyone to be bothered due to my personal opinions in a discussion that was intended for fandom alone.

What I Mean When I Discuss Art, Media, and Fandom

I frequently discuss media, art, fiction, and fandom, and the ways these things relate to real-life issues. That is probably the most frequent way you will see me discuss social justice issues on this blog, as I do not use this particular platform for activism.

However, the existence of a relationship between real-life issues and art does not mean that relationship is easily definable, consistent, bidirectional, or one-to-one.

Nothing I say is ever meant to suggest that preferences in fiction (whether creation or consumption) are indicative of real-life desires/morality. Fiction can cause real-life harm, but that does not mean fictional harm causes real-life harm. Discussion of fictional characters and their actions may be related to similar discussions of real-life people, but they are not the same thing, nor should they be approached in the same way.

I like discussion, not passing judgment on individual tastes. In this context, please just take me literally; my words are not secretly implying condemnation or endorsing harassment.

That applies in both directions: I don't support efforts to pass judgment in this manner. However, I also am not obligated to reassure people acting in defensiveness against my assumed intent/implications rather than my actual statements. (Furthermore, while you may associate specific implications with a word/statement, that does not guarantee that I mean those implications rather than the literal definition.)

#pinned post #resources #masterpost #land of myth discord #anti harassment #anti harassment policy #sigh

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mermaidsirennikita · 1 year

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please please tell me you're joking what do you mean somebody said devil in winter is dark romance??

R/romancebooks is one of my favorite romance communities online because it's so big, but because it's so big, you occasionally get... bad faith takes, I would say.

Person posted this looooong post about how they "proposed" that EVERYONE only recommends DiW with trigger warnings because of what Sebastian did in Autumn. Which, theoretically I agree with, and I do try to remember to mention that when recommending the book. However, a few things here:

A) the kidnapping did not occur in that book, it occurred in a separate book; while Sebastian being a kidnapper at all may be problematic to some, this should be made clear

B) you can probably read the first sample chapter of DiW online and realize what he did because it's discussed in the opening of the book

C) this is so "dead dove" to me at this point--how do you do a BASIC GOOGLE of DiW and not realize that he kidnapped someone lmao, it is ON THE TIN

D) this post did not mention the other things that actually happen in DiW that you could TW for (and I'm sure this isn't complete): light somnophilia (I love to read about somnophilia and especially in that book, but I know some do not); fetishization/poor handling of Cam's Rom identity (this to me is the biggest issue in DiW and in the Hathaways, though it's obviously much lighter in the Hathaways); if you squint, strictly speaking the sickbed sex scene is dubcon because Sebastian is recovering from a gunshot wound and does say "no" a billion times. I don't know, just seems to me that it's a lot to latch on to the thing the book is more famous for while grazing over other issues that could also trigger or offend people.

E) I support trigger warnings; in an ideal world, we'd be able to apply trigger warnings to all applicable content without conflict. I think, however, there are some issues that come with them. Firstly, we have gotten to the point where we so extensively TW things that TWs are losing their power. For sure, TW a book that includes sexual assault, and warn for that. TW: cheating? I don't know, man. I don't love the idea of equating cheating with actual crimes.

I also feel that we have to acknowledge that there will never be a world in which everyone TWs all popular content correctly, and that there will never be a consensus on what "correct" is. With that in mind, here's a therapy-ism for y'all: you cannot control the behavior of others. The only behavior you truly have control over is your own.

With that in mind, I often will do a quick Google of a book and read reviews before reading it... Especially if it is a dark romance or an older historical, wherein that type of content is more likely to exist. Older historicals -> dark romance. It's a super clear pipeline. Many older historicals have been rediscovered in recent years thanks to dark romance readers picking them up and loving them.

I'm not easily triggered by sexual assault in books, I'll be real, but I do tend to like to know if it's happening. I usually find this on Goodreads. Devil in Winter is so fucking popular, I don't know how you can't easily find out that St. Vincent kidnapped and threatened to rape a woman who is not the heroine.

F) The person declaring DiW a dark romance did not seem to understand what constituted dark romance or what to expect from historical romance, which is not their fault, but does make their critiques messy. Here's the deal--I like r/romancebooks. I do think they have an overly broad definition of dark romance that can be used in bad faith, as it relies a lot on "moral ambiguity" (something nearly all fiction confronts on a regular basis--a romcom can involve morally ambiguous characters) and illegality, which is not always consistent with immorality. A character can break the law for a moral reason; in Scandalous Desires, Winter Makepeace breaks the law by stopping Mickey O'Connor's legally mandated execution (for a crime he didn't commit). Winter is doing something that is technically illegal (he's also doing vigilantism in general) but he is committing a moral and heroic act.

Is Scandalous Desires a dark romance? No. I think that, due to its relative newness as a recognized subgenre, dark romance is hard to define, though Fated Mates did a really interesting episode on it which helps with that. I believe that they came to circle around the idea that the world of the book must be dark--and it's not going to suddenly get better, even if the hero and heroine have an HEA. I consider Mila Finelli's Kings of Italy series dark romance because they're mafia books--the heroes make their living off trafficking drugs, they kill and torture people regularly, etc. A lot of this is off the page, but the world they live in is immoral and no matter how much they love their partners and how good they are as partners, that will always be true. Prior to my relatively recent exploration of dark romance, I really associated it heavily with SA and truly horrible relationship dynamics, but while that can be a part of it, is not inherent to it.

The world of Devil in Winter... is not dark, lol. Yes, it's Victorian England and there are many natural huge problems there, but it's not heightened. It's optimistic. Optimistically, it suggests that Sebastian, a spoiled viscount who's done nothing with his life, can be motivated by love to grow as a person, pick up a job, and make something out of a failing club. Optimistically, it suggests that Evie can escape her abusive family, have a final goodbye with her father, and make a new family not only with Sebastian but with her friends. There is gambling and vice, but it's largely off the page. Reform is the point. In a dark romance, Sebastian and Lillian would probably be the main couple, lol, and *a lot more* would happen besides that.

Because dark things happen in a book doesn't mean it's a dark romance, and again, Sebastian doesn't even really do fuck all in his own book.

G) Things like kidnapping, dubcon, noncon, etc are woven into historical romance. This does not make them dark romances first. This makes them close relatives of dark romance, maybe. Some of them overlap. Some are both. But dark romances they are not, inherently, because they have these elements.

Also, it is perfectly fine for any romance in almost any genre to have those things, and for it to be a beloved romance. The poster kept coming back to this idea about "conventional romance" being about moral people, and--no. That's not a thing. First off, I don't think there is a single type of conventional romance. Second, many many many books that began the modern romance genre, certainly modern historical romance, include rapist heroes, lol. And heroines! Prisoner of My Desire, anyone? And on a basic level, most characters who do anything interesting at all are not pure and good morally. What does morally pure and good even mean, because you'll get different answers from everyone.

Point is: I try to give people heads up about triggering content as much as possible. I'm not perfect. Nobody is; and some people will just not give a fuck about giving you a heads up, and that's not fair, but it is reality. So if you're going to expect the world to conform to your specific standards, you will get hurt there. Better idea, if you really are sensitive about your reading habits (which is valid) is to do some googling before you read a book, especially in more volatile subgenres like historical romance and dark romance. Not saying that is how the world should be, but for your own protection, speaking from experience--that's how you have to approach some things.

#romance novel blogging #a soapbox moment sorry

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palettepainter · 2 years

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damn dude. i hadnt seen the rowlf and teeth art yet, so with all the literal homophobic moral panic new age puritanical bitching from that other anon abt "ruined childhoods" i was sort of expecting like.. something spicy?? which would still have been fine, like. muppet porn is not my thing but people are allowed to express their thoughts through their art on their own damn blogs. so i half expected it to be steamy or risqué or even vaguely sexual from the way anon is flailing around, but nope nope not even an implication not a whiff of yiff, it's the cutest sweetest most G rated least offensive display of pure and wholesome affection ive ever seen, and the art itself is stunning in quality. perhaps anon should stop outsourcing the foundation of their personality onto the rest of the world and learn to curate their own experience online, instead of trying to control the thoughts, lives and expressions of others in a quest to reform the world into a special little homogenous space made especially just for them and nobody else. other people exist and some of us want to see the muppets kiss, because it ENRICHES our childhood memories.

anon, listen. if you dont want to see the muppets gay kiss? just.. unfollow the artist who drew gay kissing muppets. you have no right to tell people what they are and arent allowed to do with, draw images of or say about fictional characters from a tv series we ALL watched. you dont own the concept of muppets, buddy, and even if you did, not-for-profit fanworks are a legally protected form of art in most countries.

and gay romance is not sacrosanct!! if you think it is, you need to do some work killing the internalized homophobia that's clouding your view! you need to actively counter the homophobic misinformation you are regurgitating! and realize that you are not immune to being homophobic just because you are bisexual. gay people can be homophobic towards other gay people, and towards themselves. homophobia is a type of violence, and in the same way it doesn't matter who's behind the fist when youre getting punched in the face, it doesnt matter how you identify when you're claiming that a depiction of innocent gay affection is sacrosanct enough to be childhood-ruining. that shits homophobic. people who get bullied can, in fact, also bully other people. they aren't mutually exclusive concepts.

and besides, if a g rated image by an artist on tumblr can ruin your childhood memories of the characters.. was it ever really about the characters at all? did you ever actually give a shit about these characters if another person's—and I cannot stress this enough—HARMLESS and INOFFENSIVE interpretation of them in one single picture could ruin it for you? maybe you should reflect on that. and maybe you should go watch some jim henson muppet shows, i know they cover it in sesame street on multiple occasions that it's not okay to tell other people what to think or or how to play with their own toys, like it's repeated and explicit that you cannot control other people. in children, we call this behavior bratty. if a child wants their godzilla toy to have a tea party with their barbie, thats literally their right. yes, even in public where *gasp* other people will see it. and drawing is like creating your own 2D action figure. its not the original one on tv, its your personal version. telling an adult to stop drawing something and sharing it from their blog is literally a direct translation of telling a child they are playing with their toys wrong, ruining godzilla for you bc they want him to have a tea party with barbie, telling them they should only play with them the way YOU deem correct. so if you can't reconcile the way someone else is playing with their own toys in their own front yard, walk away and either go to your own house and play with your own toys or find someone else to play with. maybe you missed those very central and important parts of these shows, idk. maybe you're just too self centered to understand the lessons the muppets were trying to teach. either way, get the fuck over yourself and leave artists alone.

anyway my dear artist, i am so sorry for the behavior of that other anon, and i'm sorry if this message is way way way too long. you deserve only the highest praise, both for your work and for how you handled this whole debacle. you're an absolutely amazing mastercrafter, your skill is truly something to behold and that piece is so so precious and warms my heart and i would love to see more of ur muppet interpretations, i love you sm ok bye

I was fully expecting to wake up to an ask from that homophobic anon, if I've learnt anything from this hater it's that they're persistent. But this?? This is so fucking nice to see you have no idea!

I woke up this morning and saw I had new asks in my inbox, I was expecting hate, I was prepared for it, I was ready to make more jokes out of hateful comments. But to wake up to this?? Not just a few sentences, no a full-on paragraph that you took time out of your day to send in? It wasn't until I realised this wasn't hate did I realise how crazy it is that most days I wake up in the mornings expecting there to be hate in my ask box. This truly made me smile this morning and helped me remember that my online audience is overall a happy, supportive and kind group of people

Thank you so so much for sending in this ask - after waking up expecting hate reading this was such a nice surprise! It also helped remind me that not everyone who views my art isn't out to get me for whatever I choose to draw (this is really off topic but how did you write all this in one ask?? Whenever I've tried to send in lengthy asks to a blog it always say there's a character limit)

#Thank you so much anon #It was nice to wake up for once and not see hate in my inbox #I know I say I rarely get hate #But it def feels like I've been getting it more and more #I try not to let hate like that get to me but everyones got a limit #and it was starting to get a bit tiring

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reveseke · 1 year

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Few Rogue headcanons about BNHA universe

most likely to have been done or to be rather obvious ones. I just feel like dropping these.

Disclaimer — most likely half assed burst of energy thoughts and headcanons of the universe. I'm quite thick headed with my understandment of things and may not realise i have made a mistake about something, feel free to correct me if i have ~ Also these are just for fun.

I'd love to hear your own thoughts about these topics, if you have your own headcanons, do not try to start an argument you will be ignored after catching on, thank you.

TW — mentions of discrimination | mentions of ableistic behavior? | Fr-slur mention | The commission of Japan(it will count as a warning itself in my blogs lol) | brainwashing & conditioning whump mention ( tell me if you spot something else i didn't pick up on lol )

You cannot convince me that sensory relieving products are not one of the most common things to see in public in BNHA universe. And they are not judged upon having them bc they understand that many people due to their quirks may need them, it's not the ND people majority anymore to use them. ( Not saying that NT people don't use them, but it's more common for sensory relieving, stim things etc to be found with ND people. ;³ )

I swear to ukko that there is always something in the quirks that makes sensory relieving common. Even if it's the little things.

You can try to pry that out of my cold deathless hands lmao .

Uhhh also it's not weird anymore if someone buys animal products to be used on themselves. Esp if they have a mutation type quirk lol and don't find any of the mutation-type specific products working on them but some animal / pet products seem to do the job with little side effect maybe? Itchy skin, possibly inflamed skin/eyes etc etc.

I think related to the last one that there maybe some argument worth thoughts about non-mutation-type people using mutation-type products. Like as an example how if a straight hair person uses haircare products meant for type three and/or four hair.

Since we've seen how some mutation quirks are sometimes seen as ugly or feared bc the appearance they give the people with the quirks. ( Hint to that one episode with AFO and OFA origin tale where AFO speaks of the man with the mutation quirk scaring his parents bc how he looks ) . I just think there maybe a lot of discrimination on mutation types more than any other types of quirks. Of course never to forget the discrimination that's seen in our own world and how serious that is, just a little add on the list that might be discriminated against in this universe.

Oh yeah it was confirmed that the time consuming rabbit hole of a clock app is a thing in the BNHA. So I'd think there would be pretty intensive content and really dangerous ones at that actually.

Also about bullying, it would be more intensive looking at the way how quirks work and form (expect for mutation types) at the age of four.

But as I said few paces up about the mutation-type discrimination, it's easy to see how that would turn out for growing kids with more " scarier " or " disgusting " or " freak-like " mutation quirks would muddle their sense of worth.

Disabilities would either be treated the same like it is in our world, or they would be more better or worser. Actually thinking about it more when it comes to quirk related disabilities it wouldn't probably be much of a problem to outsiders since it would be more visible, but of course there could be the whole bad days and good days with the disabilities that are seen as something some abled people cannot understand enough and are being assholes about. But when it comes to invisible disabilities i really think they could be possibly undermined more or there could be more resources either way can be true or true-ish.

I think there are divisions in sports for different types of people. Like quirkless division, few different divisions for emitter-types, mutation-type quirks, and transformation-types.

Within the sports and divisions is altered rules, techniques and limitations. Then ofc there are sports only for different types that aren't generally held for other types of quirks or quirkless people. Some may be only for mutation-types, some for different kinds of emitters and some only for quirkless as an example.

Then there's ofc different types of jobs, some jobs that usually required a machines help can be replaced with a certain quirk and some that only hire one type of quirk people or only quirkless people.

BTW about the commission of Japan that's shown in the series, i really think they can be more ruthless and inhumane than they were with the shown heroes/srs . Like literally, brainwashing, conditioning in general etc i really think they would be more than able to do so. With all their resources and the confidiality on the job they would even get away with it if they pull it off.

#bnha #boku no hero academy #mha #my hero academy #headcanons #mha headcanons #bnha headcanons #general headcanons #brainstorming #( 📚 ) everlasting tales #Fandom : BNHA

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jplupine · 11 months

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In the Wolf's Den: Chapter 8

Pairing: The Weeping Monk x Devin [Nonbinary Fey OC] Word Count: ~7.2k WARNINGS: 18+ MDNI, Exophilia, Feral Behavior, Angst, Religious Trauma, Fluff, Body Heat Exchange >:3c

Summary: The winter woods are freezing, but the journey to Hopden won't be stopped by the cold.

You can also read it on AO3!

Masterlist | Chapter 8:

It had been a couple of weeks since we'd started our journey toward Hopden. Things were going well so far, but I was noticing certain habits of Lancelot's now that we were away from the safety of the cave. He always rode in front, for one. Not to be the leader, but to be able to scout the trees and path before us. He was vigilant and battle-ready as soon as he woke up to the time he went to sleep.

It was as if he was prepared for danger waiting around any corner. Lancelot even slept lighter, waking at any sound that was out of place.

Squirrel, on the other hand, was simply enamored with his horse and excited to train every evening when we set up camp. He and Lancelot would be side-by-side, going through the motions slowly to help him memorize them before doing them in real-time. Lancelot's corrections sometimes came with a sharp tongue, but Squirrel was just as ready to return in kind his own snapping words.

It would be nigh impossible to separate those two by the time we got to Hopden. I truly hoped Arthur wouldn't try to, or he'd have one incredibly pissed-off Squirrel on his hands.

The boy had planned to turn Lancelot against the Red Paladins, but I wasn't sure he'd ever considered liking the man this much. Before, he kept him alive out of obligation. Then, it was because of the asset he could be, but now Squirrel genuinely cared for Lancelot. And it wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

At least, I couldn't consider it such.

Squirrel needed someone he could rely on, and since the Ash Man's battle with the Trinity Guards, he'd been exactly that for the kid. He was teaching Squirrel just about as much as he was learning from him.

"Why don't you learn to use a sword as well?"

"What?" My gaze snapped to Squirrel

"A sword? Why don't you learn to use it? It'd be better than just sitting there night after night."

"Excuse me?"

"He has a point." Lancelot muttered while looking at me.

"And, what, you're offering to teach me?" I scoffed while stoking the fire.

"Yes."

"Come on, Devin. It's not like you're too busy." Squirrel crossed his arms while holding the wooden sword in his hands. My eyes drifted from the boy to Lancelot. Rolling my eyes, I stood up while sighing.

"Let me go find a stick, then."

"You don't have to." Lancelot drew his shorter sword before holding it out toward me hilt first. I paused since I hadn't expected him to offer up his own weapon.

"Thank you." Taking the sword, I felt the weight of it in my hands. Once I had the sword in a firm hold, Lancelot took a stance, and Squirrel followed suit. Studying them, I then copied their stance.

Looking into the fire, I gently ran my fingers through Squirrel's hair as he rested his head on my leg. He'd fallen asleep a bit ago, and I didn't have the heart to move him. It was dark with the moon only a sliver in the sky, and my ears were trained on the woods around us. Lancelot had gone to scout the perimeter one last time to make sure our spot was truly safe and out of the way.

There was a nipping chill in the air, and I began to wonder when the first snow would fall. My ears twitched, and I looked over to see Lancelot walking out of the shadows toward the fire. He looked at Squirrel for a moment, then at me for a second before he sat down.

"What?" I rose my eyebrows at Lancelot, and he simply looked at me. "Are you gonna try and tell me this is inappropriate?"

"No."

"Then why that look?"

"Simply unexpected."

"Gods, I cannot understand how reserved the paladins are. I know humans need physical contact as well." I shook my head while looking back at the fire. "Maybe the paladins are a different breed of human that melt if you touch them longer than two seconds." I muttered under my breath.

"You find my reservations odd, yet I find your boldness to touch odd." Lancelot said, and I looked at him again while thinking. I knew he actually liked the touching, he couldn't hide how much he craved it no matter how hard he tried. He was awkward about it, but the way he broke down with just a hug, the way he didn't pull away when I was close unless he was too embarrassed said enough.

"Would you like to try it? See for yourself whether or not you like it?" I questioned, and Lancelot looked me dead in the eye with a blank expression. I stared right back and patted my thigh.

"No."

"Come on. It's innocent. Look at how well Squirrel is sleeping." I pat my thigh again. He didn't say anything while still looking me in the eye. "Do it for me, then. I'm not a lone wolf by choice, Lancelot. I've spent years unable to touch others in that lonesome cave, and you know how Wolf Folk are with contact."

The man turned his face away, making me think he was sticking to his 'no'. However, when he looked at me again, I could tell he was going to do it.

"Only if it helps you."

"It helps." I nodded, and Lancelot glanced around as if checking to make sure no one would catch him and get him in trouble. He then began to move to lie down, hesitantly resting his head on my thigh like Squirrel already was.

I was glad my tail was held down- I could feel it wiggling to try and wag.

Watching him get as comfortable as possible, I waited until he stilled. Reaching down, I gently stroked his hair. He was so tense at first but eventually relaxed as his eyelids drooped.

"So?"

"'So' what?" His voice was rather quiet as he responded.

"So is this bad?" I questioned, and he didn't answer at first.

"....You're strange."

"That's not an answer." I felt a smile pull at my lips, knowing he did indeed enjoy it but wasn't willing to admit it. Lancelot didn't say anything, choosing to remain silent as I lazily touched his hair.

It also wasn't long before he'd actually fallen asleep. I hadn't expected Lancelot to get comfortable enough to, but he did, and now I was stuck with both legs trapped beneath sleeping heads. Looking down at Squirrel and Lancelot, I found it nice to see them resting well, however, there was no way I was getting good sleep tonight.

It was a small price to pay.

Squirrel was tending to the horses, feeding them while wearing my green cloak since a fur pelt was currently being sewn for his cloak. We had traded one of my pelts for a needle and thread with some humans we'd passed, and now Lancelot was working on making Squirrel's cloak warmer since it was only getting colder out. He apparently picked up the skill of sewing from having to mend his own clothing growing up.

And I couldn't help but watch the Ash Man work. His fingers deftly moved to sew the pelt while simultaneously keeping the fur out of the way. His bicep flexed each time he pulled the needle to tighten the thread as he focused on what he was doing.

I had already admitted to Lancelot how I found him beautiful, but by the gods, such a mundane task should not be this attractive. Maybe it was due to his big hands working so carefully and delicately, or perhaps it was how his muscles tensed and relaxed as he moved. I now found myself with the desire to watch him do other chores.

Was I cursed to lust for such a man?

"Devin." Lancelot cleared his throat when he paused what he was doing. He kept his eyes down, and I noticed he was blushing.

"Hm?"

"Are you....Are you going into heat again?" His voice was low, and my face twisted with confusion.

"What? No. That's only once a year. Why?"

"You won't stop staring and," He cleared his throat again before glancing over at Squirrel to make sure he was still over by the horses. "Devin, I can smell you." Those blue eyes locked on me, begging me to understand what he was hinting at.

My ears turned back as I looked away. I sat with my chin resting in my palm while my elbow was on my knee, and I tried to look at anything other than Lancelot.

"I guess I got so distracted I forgot you could smell that." I said with a quiet voice. Yeah. I was definitely cursed.

There was now tension in the air as neither of us knew what to do. Should I apologize? No, it wasn't like I was making myself smell this way. Should I say something or just remain quiet until the tension passed?

Lancelot eventually returned to sewing the pelt, and I wanted to crawl into a hole. Why in the world did I want to fuck him so badly? I mean, yes, he was very attractive, but that didn't explain what I was going through to such a degree. I couldn't recall a single time watching a man sew, of all fucking things, had made me aroused enough to smell it.

What was wrong with me?

Looking at Lancelot from the corner of my eye, I glanced over him from head to toe. Was it possible the Ash Folk had Siren-like qualities? No, that would be ridiculous.

"You're staring again."

"I'm observing." I corrected. "You're very good at sewing."

"....Are you suggesting sewing arouses you?"

"What kind of person do you take me for to think I'd have such an interest?"

"I can think of nothing else."

"Your body." I stated while averting my gaze. I could feel his eyes on me now, and heat was rising in my cheeks. "Your bicep flexes when you tighten the thread. Your fingers also move with a deftness that is useful for....other things."

"Oh." Was all he managed to say. He paused for a few seconds, then stood up to sit back down with his back facing me. Lancelot was physically blocking my view of him working, and I couldn't help but scoff. The back of his ears were red, and it wasn't from the cold.

"Aren't you a shy one?"

"Aren't you a lustful one?" Lancelot retorted under his breath, but I had still heard him.

"Hey! I still have ears, you know!"

It was the middle of winter now, and we were waking up to frost on the ground. Squirrel had begun to sleep with me for warmth, and the Ash Man seemed more or less unfazed by the cold. I understood me still being warm because I was Wolf Folk and had my winter fur, but I couldn't fathom how he wasn't freezing his ass off.

We were getting closer to Hopden but weren't quite there yet. It was only going to get colder before we arrived, and I knew there'd be snow soon. We'd found a cave for shelter for the night, having Squirrel and the horses tucked away inside with a fire while Lancelot and I went to hunt for food.

It was quiet as we listened to the woods around us. We'd more than likely only find a rabbit, but a deer would be nice to have some meat left over to dry. Breathing out through my mouth, I saw a white puff rise from my lips. The direction it faded off into also showed we were still downwind.

Looking over at Lancelot, I was about to tell him we should split up to better our chances, but I stopped when I noticed how pale he was. His nose and cheeks were red from the cold, and I glanced down at his fingers to see them in the same condition. Clenching my jaw, I debated on what to do now.

Did he just appear colder than he truly was, or did I need to send him back to the cave to get warmed up by the fire?

Lancelot jolted when I suddenly grabbed his hand, and my eyes went wide.

"You're freezing, Lancelot."

"I'm fine." He snatched his hand away, and I grabbed his wrist.

"You most certainly are not fine. Fey can still get sick." Having his wrist in a firm grip, I stepped nearer and felt his cheek with my other hand. "This is exactly why I said not to leave your pelts with Goliath. You need to head back to the cave."

"I said I'm fine. We need to hunt."

"I can hunt well enough on my own."

"No."

"Don't you argue with me- You're already cold to the touch. You feel like a bloody corpse." Lancelot didn't respond and only stared down at me. He was being stubborn again, silently refusing now instead of wasting his breath. I knew from experience the only way to get him to do something now was to compromise.

But what could I possibly compromise on? He needed to get warm but didn't want to return to the cave. What was the middle ground there?

Scanning our surroundings, I saw some boulders among the trees. Dragging Lancelot along with me, I went to check them out. As I had hoped, there was an opening among the pile of rocks to take cover in. Pulling the man inside, he had to hunch down to avoid hitting his head.

"What are you doing?"

"If you want to stay out here, you need to warm back up first. I don't know how well Ash Folk handle the cold or what their immune systems are like, but you look like you're going to catch a fever at this rate. And you getting sick will greatly slow us down." I explained while setting down my bow and quiver. Unstrapping the belt for my ax, it soon joined the bow.

"Sitting among cold rocks isn't going to work. Nor is there any room to build a fire."

"Well aware." I turned to face him before pulling at the ties on his jerkin. He quickly grabbed my wrists to get me to stop as his eyes were wide.

"What are you doing?"

"Body heat, you fool. You think I'd ever hear the end of it from Squirrel if I brought you back as an icicle?" Pulling my hands away, I undid my cloak and let it drop from my shoulders. However, he grabbed my wrists to stop me again when I went to pull my shirt off.

"Don't."

"Oh, by the Gods. Fine, you blushing maiden." I dug into my things to pull out a strip of cloth. "Lean down."

"Why?"

"You're not supposed to see me naked, right? Then I'll blindfold you."

"You- I- You are not supposed to be naked at all."

"Too bad. It's either I strip down and you watch, or I strip down and you don't have to see anything. Pick." I raised the cloth in my hand while placing the other hand on my hip. It wasn't as if I was planning on doing anything, I was being honest about how this was to prevent him from getting sick. Having to stop to let him rest and get medicine would put us behind schedule by gods know how long.

Lancelot's face seemed to go redder before he hesitantly leaned down to my level. Pushing his hood away, I then wrapped the cloth over his eyes and tied it in the back. When I unlaced his jerkin this time, he didn't stop me.

However, he was incredibly tense. His jaw was clenched, and I was lifting his shirt before he stepped away.

"I-I can do it myself."

"Alright, then." I nodded. Lancelot was incredibly nervous and slow, making me heavily sigh. "I'll keep my undergarment on if that makes you more comfortable."

"Yes, that would." He muttered as I took off my trousers. I noticed the goosebumps rising on his skin and gently pulled him by his arm further into the small cave away from the chilling wind outside.

"Your trousers have to come off, though." I said while picking up the cloak he had been wearing. He visibly paused until I handed him the dark green cloak. "You can put this back on so you're not sitting on the bare ground." Lancelot pulled on the cloak first, bringing it closer to himself to cover his body.

He hesitated, but his trousers were soon on the ground. Leading him to sit down, I grabbed the long, dark grey cloak to drape over my shoulders. Being mindful of him, I carefully opened his cloak before sitting in his lap.

"Gods, you're colder than I thought." I hissed when my hand touched his chest. "Why didn't you say anything?" Leaning in closer, I wrapped my arms around his body.

"Oh, you are....really warm." Lancelot barely spoke over a whisper while his entire body was tense. Being chest to chest, I rested my chin on his shoulder.

"Yes, now put your hands on me before your fingers fall off from frostbite." I snapped while mentally praying to the gods that I could remain calm. I jolted when his ice-like fingers touched my back, and his hands retreated. "Sorry, just really cold. Go on."

Lancelot swallowed before touching me again. His palms trailed upward toward my scruff, burying his cold fingers into my thick fur. Closing my eyes, I tried to relax while focusing on getting Lancelot warm. I could feel his heart beating wildly against my chest just as well as I could hear it.

Thankfully, the longer I remained still, the more his muscles seemed to relax. He'd been coiled tighter than a pissed-off snake, and he was still tense, but less so than before. Being this close, however, I could very easily smell his anxiety.

He took in a deep breath to help himself relax, and it seemed to work for a moment. My ear twitched, and I could feel Lancelot's breath on the side of my neck.

And then I began to smell arousal.

Biting my tongue, I tried to ignore it and covered my face in the cloak in an attempt to block out the scent. However, the green cloak was utterly covered in Lancelot's scent, so I only got a nose full of his pleasant smell. To make matters worse, a few seconds later, I felt his cock getting hard beneath me.

Lancelot suddenly shoved me back, getting space between us as his entire face was red. The sudden loss of warmth made him shiver, and his grip on my arms tightened.

"I can't-"

"Oh, by the Gods, calm down. We're not going to have sex. Just try to ignore it." I was speaking both to Lancelot and myself as I pried his hands off of me. Pressing my body against his once more, I tried to think of a way to distract him and myself. "If you've been getting this cold, you should start sleeping closer to Squirrel and I."

"I'm-"

"Say you're 'fine' one more time, and I'll bite you. Literally." I threatened, but I felt his cock twitch. Oh. I'd forgotten he liked getting bit. 'Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it.' "Think about it, Lancelot. You can't help us if you're sick."

"I hate this."

"It could be worse."

"I don't see how this could get worse." His voice was barely a whisper.

"I'm trying to get your mind off of it, but need I remind you I'm not completely naked? The worse would be if I was."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize."

"Why not?"

"It makes it more awkward. Not to mention....I know you can smell it on me, too, and you don't see me panicking out about it."

"Your scent is what's making it worse." His voice was soft and low near my ear as he was trying to calm his breathing and racing heart.

"Yeah, well, so is yours." I snapped at him. "You think this is easy for me?"

"Doesn't seem difficult for you, either."

"Believe me, it is. It's taking everything I have not to think about....certain events. I should add it's your cock pressing against me, not the other way around."

"It's not as if I'm doing it on purpose!"

"I wasn't saying you were. I just don't really understand why you're so scared of your own body's reactions. I mean, I'm not happy about mine because it pisses me off, but that's not the case for you."

"Raised devout Christian, remember?" He leaned his head back until his skull rested against the rocky wall. "What we're doing- Father Carden would have me beat for it." My ear twitched as he spoke. "It is sinful. An affront to God."

"Where in that precious book of yours does it state preventing hypothermia or other illness is sinful?"

"The....The nudity, closeness, and sinful thoughts."

"Gods, even thoughts are considered sinful?"

"Yes. Temptation from the Devil comes in many forms."

"That's ridiculous. No one has complete control over what they think. Deeming certain thoughts as sinful is a fuckin' trap." I sighed through my nose. "No wonder you're terrified of touching if even thinking about it will get you in trouble. As you said, you're not making yourself react this way."

"But I chose to go along with this. Which I shouldn't have in the first place."

"Rather than listening to the teachings beat into you, what do your instincts tell you, Lancelot? Are they telling you this is bad? That you will go to Hell for not choosing the cold over warmth?" I questioned, and he went quiet. He didn't say or do anything for a few seconds until his fingers slid into my hair.

Lancelot pulled my head to the side while resting his forehead on my shoulder. I was a bit confused as he slowly breathed in through his nose. He was tense, and his grip in my hair tightened.

"You want to know what my instincts tell me, Devin?" He muttered. Without letting me answer, he lifted his head, and his tongue was on my skin. Lancelot slowly licked up the side of my neck as his hot breath hit my skin. He nipped my jaw before speaking in a low tone. "That is what my instincts tell me. Do you honestly expect me to listen to them?"

"I'm not saying to let your instincts dictate your actions." I swallowed while trying to recover from the blow the Ash Man had just delivered. Gods, what he'd done had turned me on so much. "I'm saying to simply trust them more. You're not a weapon, you're a man." He paused at my words before scoffing.

His hand left my hair as he leaned against the rock wall.

"You don't understand what it's like."

"No, but I understand better than you think I do. I just know the church is wrong. Any non-Christian man-blood, modesty aside, will also admit to having such thoughts. When we sold those pelts, do you think the women of the market were tainted or evil for desiring you? I can guarantee their thoughts weren't on what they would make for supper that night."

Looking at him, I saw how his mouth was in a flat line. His jaw briefly clenched, and I swallowed.

"Lancelot, shit is obviously complicated. I'm well aware what happened between us simplifies nothing. But what I'm trying to say is, you cannot expect yourself to be your religion's idea of perfection. As a man, you will inherently be imperfect. Holding yourself to such high standards and then crumbling when you can't meet them...." Sighing, I gently held his face in my hands. "Those paladins may no longer have you, but you are still not truly free of their hold. Has Father Carden himself not sinned?"

My question made him tense, but he remained silent.

"Is murder not a sin? Is stealing a child from his home and raising him to be a killer not sin? How about sending a child to be tortured? I may find much of your religion to be ridiculous, but if I were to apply value on the beliefs, Father Carden is more of a sinner than you. Did you ever think you couldn't feel his love because he is void of it? You told me your God is love, but I see none in the actions of the Red Paladins."

Lancelot still didn't speak as he quietly sat there. I had nothing more to say, either, so we were left in silence.

And then his hands were on my back as he leaned forward. Lancelot placed his head on my shoulder while hugging me. He took in a slow, deep breath before slowly letting it out.

"Perhaps....you are my way to deliverance. We cannot walk our paths alone forever, right?"

"I am not a replacement for Father Carden."

"I didn't mean it that way. I've hated myself for a long time, Devin. Thought myself evil, and the only way to redeem myself was to do as Father Carden said in the name of the church, in the name of the Lord. But you," He scoffed. "a crass, foul-mouthed, Wolf Fey, just pointed out the glaring issue I've been faced with over and over again and have pushed away. If God is love, why do the paladins only spread hatred? Father Carden labels your kind Hellspawn, yet when you speak to me on these matters....I do not feel it. I-I feel as if I am being spoken to by a peer....an ally. Is it presumptuous of me to feel such?"

My eyes widened as I stared at the rock wall in front of me. My gaze drifted to Lancelot as he still hugged me. What the fuck should I say? The truth? But what was the truth?

....What did I feel?

Safe. I felt safe. Shocked. Relieved.

That was the truth.

Gently placing my hand on the back of his head, my other arm draped over his shoulder to return the hug.

"At this point, Lancelot, I'm offended you don't consider me a friend." My response made him laugh, and it was such a beautiful sound.

I could hear voices as we neared the camp outside Hopden. We were a minute away now, and it disturbed me how Lancelot changed the closer we got. His posture was stiffer, his face expressionless, his eyes cold. He was recluding into himself because he knew just as well as I did how close we were to Arthur's camp.

Squirrel didn't know until he spotted people moving among the trees. He became excited, leaning to and fro in his saddle to try and spot any familiar face.

Lancelot dropped back, having Goliath walk next to my horse rather than in front. He didn't want to be the face they saw first.

"Riders approaching!" Someone called out, and the atmosphere in the camp changed. People stopped walking while others rushed to get weapons out of caution. It was when our horses entered the clearing that a man approached us.

His hair was black with tight curls, pulled back into a ponytail with braids on the sides. His skin was dark with warm tones despite the winter chill while his brown eyes studied us. He wasn't Fey, and the kind smile he gave Squirrel made me assume this was Arthur.

"Welcome." He greeted us with a polite nod of his head. I was the first to dismount before helping Squirrel down from his horse. I heard Lancelot drop down when his feet crunched against the thin layer of snow on the ground. "Devin, I presume?" The man gestured at me.

"Arthur?" I questioned after nodding.

"Aye. Then that leaves you to be....the Weeping Monk." He hesitated to even talk to the man beside me.

"His name is Lancelot." Squirrel spoke up.

"Lancelot?" Arthur glanced at the boy before looking back at the Ash Man. "Which do you prefer to be called?" There was an edge in his voice, a challenge, a displeasantry.

"Lancelot." He answered with that quiet tone of his.

"I see with you not bound you must've come of your own volition."

"As I mentioned in the letter, he's chosen to aide Squirrel. I will vouch for him if I must."

"Why don't we get out of the cold to discuss this?" Arthur suggested while looking at me. "There's a tent for the horses as well." I glanced at Lancelot to make sure he'd be okay leaving Goliath in someone else's hands. He seemed to understand what I was silently asking and gave a short nod.

"Okay. Lead the way." I nodded to Arthur, and two Vikings came over to take the horses' reins from us. Squirrel walked next to me, but Lancelot was a few steps behind. Silent, watching, and highly alert.

We entered a large tent with a warm fire and a vent for the smoke to escape through. There were chairs and tables with maps sprawled out on them. Arthur casually began to fold up the maps, more than likely not wanting Lancelot to get a look at them.

"So, why am I to believe your claims of....Lancelot going against the paladins just to save one boy? It wouldn't be the first time he's used Squirrel as bait."

"He killed Trinity Guards to do it. I highly doubt there's any going back from that."

"What's murdering a few more to get the last of the Fey of these lands?" Arthur's tone was sharp as he turned to look at us.

"As hard as I know it must be to believe it, you can hear it from Squirrel himself. This runt tried to fight me when I attempted to kill Lancelot myself."

"You're the runt." Squirrel shot me a look. "And it is true. Even teaching me to swordfight now, he is."

"Is he now?" Arthur looked amused at the thought but doubtful.

"I've got a sword now, haven't I? It's not for show." Squirrel popped off, and Arthur didn't seem surprised by the boy's tone. He must be used to this kind of behavior from Squirrel.

"I'm still going to need more to go on."

"This is your time to speak for yourself, Lancelot." I said while looking over my shoulder at him. His eyes glittered from the fire as he stared at me with a blank expression before he looked at Arthur. He didn't move from where he stood or even raise his head to be seen under his hood.

"I'm....Fey." Lancelot stated, for the first time actually saying it in the entire time I've known him.

"Please." Arthur laughed.

"It's true." Squirrel crossed his arms. "Goes all green like a leaf."

"Prove it." Arthur had a challenging tone again, even more than before as he looked at Lancelot.

"I can't."

"Right."

"He's Ash Folk. They turn green to blend in with the foliage, but only on contact with the plants. The tears on his cheeks are markings the Ash Folk develop as they get older. He also smells Fey, but you, uh, can't smell it with your nose." I explained.

"I still want to see it for myself. Just to be sure." Arthur insisted. My mouth opened to say something else, but Lancelot held his hand in front of me with his palm facing up.

"I know you have herbs in your bag."

"You don't have to-"

"I know." He kept his hand open and waiting. I dug into my bag for a bottle with dried leaves before popping out the cork. Pulling one out, I then set it into Lancelot's palm. As soon as it touched his skin, dark green pigment and leaf-like veins began to show on his hand to match the dried leaf.

"So you are Fey." Arthur didn't seem happy. In fact, he honestly looked angry now. "Which means you've been slaughtering your own kind for how many years now?" Lancelot didn't answer.

"We're at war, Arthur. If he's willing to fight for us now, that's what we have to focus on." Squirrel said with such a serious tone.

"It's not that simple."

"I didn't say it was. The Red Paladins killed my father and burned down my village, but even I know we need allies wherever we can find them. Him fighting for us is him not fighting for them." Squirrel's nose was slightly scrunched up, angered by even thinking about the Red Paladins.

"Why don't you get some rest? You must be tired after your journey."

"I'm not a little kid anymore-"

"Percival." Lancelot had a warning tone. "It'll be okay."

"One of the Vikings standing post can take you to the tent we had set up for you." Arthur gestured with his head towards the exit. Squirrel made a face and walked out angrily.

"Look, I will warn you now, if you do plan to harm Lancelot, that boy will come for you. I don't intend that as a threat, only that it will be the truth. Squirrel can't even admit that Nimue is gone. He's coping by insisting she's still alive because she's survived worse." It was then that Arthur seemed to get a chip in his armor. I saw the pain in his eyes at the mention of Nimue's name, and he looked away.

"That man beside you has hunted down your kind like animals. The mere mention of 'Weeping Monk' makes them terrified. Surely you understand how I can't take this lightly."

"And I don't expect you to. But, as you know, I nearly killed him....and now I trust him with my life."

"I don't even know you well enough to understand the depth of that." Arthur replied, and I sighed. Pushing my hood back, fresh air hit my ears as I walked toward the table.

"I'll be honest, when I decided to bring Squirrel here, I intended to leave as soon as he and Lancelot were in your hands. No longer my problem, head back home. But then I got to know the both of them more and realized I couldn't do that." Pulling out a chair, I reached for a carved horn cup and a pitcher. I sniffed at the mead inside before pouring a drink and plopping down into the chair. "So I will tell you the meaning."

"I see you do as you please."

"For the most part." I slightly tilted my head. "Now, Lancelot has had many opportunities to betray us. He hasn't even once. He has been training not only Squirrel in combat but me as well. I've even put my safety in his hands just to test him, to see what he would do, and even then, he chose to protect me. And Squirrel," I scoffed while Arthur poured his own drink to sit with me. "you should see the two together. Like bloody siblings, they are."

"You are Fox Kin, yes?"

"Wolf Folk. I know, my size and coloration can be confusing. Why do you ask?" I then took a drink of the fine northern mead.

"Because I know the Fey with the more....'animalistic' features tend to have keener senses. Met a Fox Kin that could smell what I was feeling."

"Wolf Folk can as well. We actually have keener noses than the Foxes, you see."

"Then you could tell if he were to lie?"

"I could. But Lancelot tends to tell the truth." Arthur looked at me with a studying gaze. I didn't like talking about the Ash Man as if he weren't there, but he didn't seem to mind, and it was getting Arthur to at least listen. "Do you have something you wish to ask him?"

"Yes." The man-blood then turned to Lancelot. "Do you regret it? What you've done as the Weeping Monk?" It was dead silent other than the crackling fire. Lancelot's gaze was sharp as a knife as he locked eyes with Arthur.

"Yes." He and Arthur stared at each other for a moment before Arthur looked at me.

"Well?"

"....He's sincere." I already knew from the tears Lancelot had spilled many times before that he regretted it. Him begging for death was enough on its own to know he regretted it. But I wouldn't tell Arthur those things happened.

"Why did you do it, Lancelot?"

"I believed it to be bringing salvation."

"You'd have to be a fool to believe such blatant bullshit."

"Or a child." I cut in before taking a drink. Arthur's expression shifted as he looked at me again. "He wasn't a man that just decided to join a crusade against the Fey. Also, why are you still standing over there? Come over here and sit down." I directed my question at Lancelot.

He seemed uncertain for a second before quietly joining us at the table. He sat on the other side of me while keeping his hood on.

"You've seen for yourself how young the paladins can be." I turned my attention back to Arthur.

"Yes." The man-blood's jaw clenched. "I've seen one not much older than Squirrel's age. But that doesn't explain why they would take a Fey child when their goal is to eradicate the Fey."

"Because he can smell them. Father Carden used him like a bloodhound."

"....That explains a lot."

"Do you want something to drink?" I gestured towards the pitcher while looking at Lancelot, and the man simply shook his head.

"You know the other Fey are going to have an issue if we let him join us, right?"

"Obviously. But Squirrel already said it. The Fey need allies wherever they can get them."

"I can't take him with us without being certain. Taking him to where the Fey are hiding and he not truly being on our side would be genocide."

"Then leave me. My main concern was getting Percival back to his people. I don't need to be with your forces to fight for the Fey." Lancelot spoke up, and both Arthur and I looked at him.

"Where would you even go?" Arthur asked.

"Anywhere. Just so long as I know Percival goes with you."

"Of course."

"Now, hold on a minute. You can't let him go by himself."

"He won't be by himself." Lancelot looked at me from under his hood. "There will be Sky Folk there. People he knows."

"He's already lost his family, Nimue- Do you not realize how much you mean to Squirrel?"

"It's what's best for him."

"I think it best we end it here for the night. We can discuss more tomorrow." Arthur cleared his throat. "I will be posting guards around your tent- as a precaution." Lancelot only nodded to show he understood.

The cold outside nipped at my skin when we left the warmth of the fire inside. I left pawprints in the snow as I followed Arthur through the camp. It had gotten darker than expected, but there were torches and fire pits scattered about for the humans to be able to see.

Lancelot was trailing after me like a shadow, quiet and making himself seem smaller- which wasn't easy given his large frame. He was even taller than Arthur, and Arthur wasn't small by any means, which made it odd to see him with his head down and shoulders hunched as if he didn't want anyone to even look at him.

Reaching the tent, Arthur gestured to it, and I pulled back the front flap to see it empty with only a pair of pallets and a dead fire.

"Where's Squirrel?"

"Elsewhere. I know he likes to get into trouble when the whim arises."

"No kidding." I muttered while entering the cold tent. Pulling off my cloak, I took off my bag to set it to the side. Digging out some flint, I set to getting the fire started. Arthur stared at Lancelot for a moment with a serious expression before he walked away. "I'm sorry about that. I would have preferred if he actually talked to you."

"It's fine." Lancelot sat on the pallet on the other side of the fire as sparks briefly lit up the tent.

"No, it's not. He just ignored you as he pleased while talking about you the entire time. How's he supposed to get to know you enough to trust you if he won't even ask for your answers?" There were more sparks.

"That's not all you're upset about." He stated, and the fire finally ignited. There was a small flame that I gently blew on until it began to spread and grow.

"Do you honestly believe Squirrel will leave without you?"

"If it comes down to it, he will have to." Lancelot finally took off his hood. Looking at him, I studied him for a moment before speaking again.

"That's how it was with the paladins, wasn't it? Father Carden always speaking for you while you made yourself as small as possible?"

"....Yes."

"You needn't do that here."

"It was just as much a habit as it was me trying to be less intimidating."

"Yes, because a big man with a stony face hiding under a cloak isn't intimidating in itself." I chuckled. "It had the opposite effect of intended." Lancelot got a small smile as he looked down at his hands in his lap.

"About earlier.... You said that you trusted me with your life." His eyes found mine, and I felt my ears turn back for a second. "So you really did mean it."

"You seem rather pleased."

"If you haven't noticed, I've come to value your opinion."

"Oh, I've noticed. You get this look on your face any time I give you praise." I softly laughed.

"I do not."

"You most certainly do. I say 'Good job, Lancelot' when you bring back a nice rabbit, and your face lights up. You're more like a dog than I am." Joking seemed to help him feel more relaxed, especially now that we were away from the prying eyes of man-bloods.

"I am not, you runt." He had a playful tone, making me smile.

"I bet if you had a tail, it would wag any time you got praise." I said, and Lancelot scoffed.

"I think you need to get some sleep, Devin. You're already starting to sound mad."

"I'm going to sleep not because you said so, but because I'm actually tired. Are you warm enough over there? You can take back your cloak if you need it." Picking up the grey cloak from beside me, I looked back at Lancelot who seemed to be thinking it over. Without a word, he reached over to take the offered garment before laying down on the pallet.

He draped the grey cloak over the dark green one to use as a blanket. He couldn't admit he was cold, but at least he took the cloak rather than freeze. Once he was curled up under the cloaks with his back to me, I tossed more wood into the fire.

"Thank you." He muttered.

"You're welcome." I replied before laying down. Rolling over with my back to him and the fire, I got comfortable enough to sleep.

#In the Wolf's Den #cursed #cursed 2020 #the weeping monk #cursed weeping monk #lancelot #cursed lancelot #oc x canon #lime #minors dni #Wolf does fanfic

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jaxistramatized · 2 years

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i haven’t been on this blog in so long. iv been through so much at this point its hard to open up to anyone anymore. iv been through more therapists than i can count. at one point i wanted to resolve the trauma or at least talk about it. but iv been told what happened to me couldn't have possibly happened to many time different ways. iv been in the hospital for mental and physical. my mind is so tired and scared, scattered. my mental health professional kept pushing what the trauma was crossing boundaries. next session i said i wasn't ready for something like that and can’t trust you with that. i’m not sure i will ever be ready to open up at this point. my mental health professional wants me to open up and tell her my trauma the first session. i tried telling her that really wasn’t okay to me. i tried telling her i wanted to work on self confidence and she said it’s all based on trauma and i needed to talk about the trauma to resolve that. i can’t even tell you how uncomfortable it was for you to inappropriately it was for you to eat your fast food meal and shake and soda in front of me. As someone with a history of eating disorder behavior i would of liked you to ask first. a therapist chowing down on her fast food and asking about my trauma almost forcing it out of me to the point i shut down. i can’t resolve my self confidence or anxiety without talking about it.. im on other wait lists i guess i just have to wait. i feel i should just let out that i have avpd and its gotten worse over the years. she isn’t licensed because she said it was too hard and doesn't want to be. they say a diagnosis is only to help the patient and how to treat them. well if avpd is how my mind works and i cannot progress, it’d not a refusal of opening up it’s how someone’s minds work. well if she says well its trauma and i have to resolve it but i struggle with intense avpd, how does she expect e to open up? maybe the supervisor that over looks her will wonder if this is the correct fit. you treat different disorders differently. maybe no one is specialized but knows how to go about it differently. i don’t really know what would help me at this point everything has just gotten to much at this point. it was going not the best then it worsened over time. the only time it really “ gets better” is when it in my head daydreaming. until i open that door. imagine not even to be able to ask for help through people who have the same disorder? or even being able to write on paper what's going in on your head. going on the internet finding family you haven't talked to in years and haven’t seen and not saying anything just seeing how amazing they are doing and your just here. nothing wrong with here just wish maybe i was somewhere else. lets see how long i can leave this post up without deleting it ? shall we? hopefully more than 5 minutes. i have hobbies and the little things that keep me going but not always. is therapy making me worse at this point? i don’t know anymore...

#blog update ptsd #tw food mention #complex ptsd #actually avpd #AvPD #avpd vent #avpd feels #avpd things #tw trauma mention #therapy mention #childhood ptsd #c ptsd #Still traumatized

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minniepetals · 3 years

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Rose & Thorns: 10

— summary: a lone rose, a little broken, until Jungkook came along and the two of you saved each other. and in doing so, Jungkook showed you a world where he shared with his six other mates.

— pairing: dragon!bts x reader

— genre: angst / slight fluff / poly!au / fantasy!au / dragon!au

— word count: 8.0k

— warnings: none

╰ part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6 / part 7 / part 8 / part 9 / part 10

You stood in the hall of the castle on the left of Namjoon while Hoseok stood on his right, faces grim and serious as you could feel all eyes on you with the intriguing fact that a Keeper was in their clan, a Keeper the clans haven’t had since hundreds of years ago. None of them were alive to live through the years when the first Keeper had been chosen so to know that another Keeper was made was quite fascinating to them, you were sure.

But you could also tell that some dragons still doubted your loyalty, knowing fully well how many of them did not have good histories with your kind. But you weren’t going to let them faze you. Namjoon often reminded you to look confident no matter how much they may scare you. After all, looking small and vulnerable in front of the dragons would only give them more doubt and you knew you had to gain their trust and show them that you were capable of being a Keeper more than anything.

As the steps of the leader of the Southern Clan began to echo into the room and the whispering voices died down, Namjoon took his respective bow with you and Hoseok automatically following along, heads lowered in respect as you stared at the floor below you.

It was nerve wracking being in a room full of dragons you had never seen before but you knew you had to remain strong.

“Prince Namjoon.” Surprisingly the voice was light and friendly as the prince spoke your leader’s name. He rose upon the call of his name with you and Hoseok following and could see the kind smile prince Daesung was giving him. “Welcome to our Clan.”

“Thank you,” Namjoon gave him a short nod before his gaze fell to Hoseok.

“Prince Hoseok.”

“Your highness.”

“And,” he turned his head your way and the moment his eyes met yours, you could see the way his eyes widened a little, falling silent at the sight of you with a delicate hand coming up to cover his mouth. “Oh my,” he whispered in a small gasp, blinking one moment before breaking into a bright smile that practically lit up the entire room and the next thing you knew he had rushed in front of you with his hands grabbing ahold of yours, squeezing it tight. “You didn’t tell me she was so adorable!” The prince squealed with delight, surprising you with a sudden embrace that caught you off guard and your eyes were quick to dart to your dragons with a flustered expression plastered onto your face.

The way their eyes darkened slightly almost brought shivers down your spine.

“Human girls are the cutest thing ever! I can’t believe I’m finally meeting one in real life!! Tell me!” He backed away just enough to face you again as you could feel yourself blushing at how close he was. “Keeper of the Dragons, what is your name, dear one?”

“U-uh,” you stuttered, feeling slightly uncomfortable by the close proximity but knowing not to be rude in his presence, “Y..Y/N.”

You thought his eyes had lit up even more. “What a pretty name! You’re so—”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Hoseok quickly stepped in to grab you by the shoulder and pulled you back to his arms with a displeased look on his face. “Prince Daesung. Whether she is a human or not, you must remember that our Keeper is still a lady.”

“Oh my.” Totally ignoring Hoseok’s warnings, prince Daesung could only wiggle more with excitement as his eyes returned to you again. “I know jealousy when I see it and I must say, to woo the seven princes of the East Clan is quite a bold move of yours, precious Y/N.”

“Huh?” You began to panic as your hands came up to wave with denial. “No, I-I didn’t—”

“Not that I’m saying it’s a bad thing. I would do the same if I had the pretty looks you do. How’d they find such an adorable face such as yourself? Or did you find them first? I’m sure these possessive dragons stole you away to make you fall in love with them, didn’t they?”

“W-wait! They didn’t—”

“Prince Daesung, stop teasing the little one already.” Namjoon let out a tired sigh.

“I can’t help it!” The prince chortled with a sly grin. “She’s even more pretty when she blushes so easily like that.”

You could see his followers looking away or hanging their heads in shame at their prince’s words and you realized that you were totally baited by the South Clan’s leader, making you even more embarrassed than before.

As if reading your thoughts, Hoseok gave you a squeeze. “Don’t worry. Prince Daesung likes to spew nonsense so don’t take him too seriously.”

Offended, prince Daesung gave out a dramatic gasp. “Rude!”

“Forgive me for the impolite behavior of my dear brother.” You turned at the sound of the voice that was laced with poised to find a young lady a few feet taller than you. She had her head bowed with a hand rested against her heart, showing both grace and a dignified manner and you could tell almost immediately who she was after learning a few things about the South Clan. “Are you alright, milady?” Princess Soyeon asked with a slight concern as she addressed you.

“Yes, your highness,” you told her with a small smile, a bit taken back by how different the two siblings were.

She returned the smile with her own before turning to her brother with a displeased glare. “Not only is Y/N a lady but she is also the sole Keeper of the Dragons. You cannot disrespect the lady like that.”

Her scolding made prince Daesung look away with a pout. “You cannot expect me to ignore the cute.”

“Would you like to feel the wrath of our neighboring princes as well?”

Though the prince did not respond to that as he refused to meet his sister’s glare, you cocked your head slightly to the side with confusion upon her words. “Wrath?”

Princess Soyeon looked back at you with softer eyes and a faint smile as she eyed your two princes. “Us dragons are very possessive creatures. If anyone tries to touch our treasures, it may turn into conflicts. They may not look like it but I am sure prince Namjoon and prince Hoseok weren’t exactly fond of my brother touching you.”

You looked over your shoulder at the two of them who stood tall behind you and found Namjoon meeting your eyes with a slight raise to his brow almost as if confirming the assumption of the princess, making your cheeks warm up again.

“Again, please forgive my brother. I will make sure he does not do anything to offend you again.”

“Ah, it…” you shook your head with a smile, “it’s alright.”

“Now then,” with a sudden clap echoing into the large room, prince Daesung began to dismiss the members of his clan. “You’ve gotten a good look at our dear Keeper and see that she is a beautiful lady and anyone beautiful is worth trusting so—”

“Our relationship with the Eastern Clan is clear enough to show that we have no reason to mistrust them,” princess Soyeon stated in a loud, clear voice as she totally ignored the voice of her brother who responded with a glare of his own. But even though she had interrupted him, he let her go on to address the crowd. “We all know that the only way a human can become a Keeper is through the will of our own ancestors and we know never to question their decisions. If they have chosen Y/N as the new Keeper of the Dragons then that is the decision that we must accept. If anyone has any problem with that, know that you will be going against our own ancestors.”

Her voice, so poised and filled with charisma, was enough to let her warriors know that she wasn’t going to tolerate anyone that would go against having you as their Keeper and for that, you felt so thankful to the princess.

Once the room finally cleared away and all that was left were the five of you along with a few trusted warriors of the Southern Clan, you knew it was all business now.

“Your highnesses,” Namjoon began and it was enough to let the princess understand what he wanted to discuss.

She turned to follow her brother as she spoke and the rest of you followed along to their steps. “I am sure you must be wanting to discuss the agreement between the three clans upon accepting the Keeper.”

“That’s correct,” he gave a firm nod.

You walked beside Hoseok, silently listening in as your nerves began to reappear once again. You knew it wasn’t going to be easy even if the South Clan seemed friendly but you hoped things would work out well in the end.

“The other clans may not be as lenient but we do not plan on using Y/N for all of the wars that will be fought in the future,” she was quick to assure. “Whether she is a Keeper or not, we will not lay so low as to use someone outside of our clan as a tool in order to fight our wars.”

“Besides,” chiming in, you met the eyes of the prince as he looked over his shoulder for a brief moment and sent you a smirk, “who would want to send a beautiful lady into the battlegrounds?” He turned back again, sounding a little more exasperated this time. “However, we all know prince Hyungwoo and prince Seojoon aren’t going to be as kind as us.”

As the door to a room opened up, you all walked into their meeting hall and immediately took your seats in order to continue discussing.

“The princes of the North and West know not to reject a Keeper but you must be prepared for what challenges they will have you facing.”

You tilted your head slightly to the side at princess Soyeon. “Challenges?”

“To see how powerful you can be.”

“They won’t do anything unethical now will they?” Hoseok frowned.

“If they realize the little one has joined your little circle of lovers then perhaps they will take not offending you more into account,” prince Daesung opined with a light shrug. “But the two of them are quite unpredictable, especially prince Hyungwoo of the North, so it’s best to keep your guard up. Prince Seojoon is rational but it’s hard to please that man.” He propped his elbow upon the grand table, resting his chin onto his hand as he looked at you with sympathetic eyes. “Be careful, dear Y/N, dragons can be quite prideful and if someone comes in to threaten their position in this little game of ours, it can get a little nasty.”

You could feel a shiver running down your spine but it fell away too soon as you felt Hoseok’s hand suddenly holding yours. When you turned your head towards him, he graced you with a kind smile. “There’s no need to be afraid, we’ll be right there with you,” he whispered softly, allowing your heart to relax again.

“Major wars do not occur very often,” princess Soyeon added truthfully, “and if they do, we often deal with it on our own with our own dragons. But if there is ever an emergency that forces us to seek help, I hope that you will allow us to call for you.”

“Of course,” you gave her a firm nod with a determined gaze. “I will be prepared for the day I am asked to help fight the wars.”

She returned the nod just as firmly before letting herself relax just for a moment to spare you a small smile. “Thank you, Keeper, and thank you princes of the East for finding her.”

It was their unquestioned trust in you that made you believe in yourself more.

“What are you thinking about?”

The prince had allowed your stay in the South as the sun was already beginning to set by the time the meeting was over and as you sat on the grand bed prepared for you and your princes, Namjoon took a seat beside you after changing into proper sleepwear, wondering why you looked so distant all on your own.

You didn’t want to bother them with your concerns so you shook your head lightly with a faint smile thrown his way to try and ease the tension that hadn’t faded from the moment the three of you left the Eastern mountains.

“Right now it feels just right to take up prince Daesung’s offer to stay here a while longer and postpone our travel plans for the West and North, doesn’t it? I know you’re anxious,” Hoseok said with a wry smile as he went on to sit beside you on your other side.

“But,” Namjoon took ahold of your hand and placed it on top of his palm where it rested upon his lap, and began to rub small circles on the back of your hand as a way of comfort, “I know you miss the others and cannot wait to go home.”

How was it that they knew you so well? You could still recall those moments when they couldn’t trust a word you said and had treated you poorly but looking at them at this moment, you could find nothing but love in their eyes and that alone warmed your cold, anxious heart.

“It hasn’t even been a day,” you lamented as your eyes cast down to the gentle hands that were still caressing yours. “I miss them so much.”

“You’re right,” Hoseok said in a soft manner as he thought back to that morning the three of you took your leave and placed an arm over your shoulders with a small squeeze. “It isn’t often we go our separate ways outside of our lands.”

“Really?”

“Mhm,” Namjoon said, nodding. “There are some of us who haven't even seen the world outside our own lands despite being princes.”

Your eyes widened a bit at the revelation. “No way. Who?”

“Jimin and Taehyung.”

“Why is that?”

“Jimin looks after our prisoners, as you know, so it really doesn’t matter much to him because he’s sadly almost always in the dungeons. As for Taehyung, the younger one has to look after the little ones so he doesn’t get out much either,” explained Hoseok. It made sense, you should have known of those facts before they even told you but it still made it sad to be able to hear of the two of them being stuck in the clan everyday.

“So what are the occasions when traveling outside our lands?” You asked them.

Namjoon gave you a small grin. “Well for one, meetings like these. But I have meetings with the clan leaders every full moon. Usually Yoongi will accompany me on those nights. That’s why some days we go missing and are nowhere to be found inside the clan. Seokjin travels if he needs to find special herbs or wishes to learn more about plants and remedies that don't exist on our lands.”

“Those are what he calls his errands,” Hoseok said almost in a whisper as he sent you a wink, causing your mouth to form into a little circle at the epiphany.

“That’s why he takes so long and sometimes comes back so late? I would have loved to accompany him on those journeys.”

They both shared a chuckle.

“You’ve had some bad encounters when leaving the clan, I’m sure hyung only left you out for your sake,” Hoseok explained gently as he stroked your hair before proceeding on. “Jungkook and I sometimes have to do secret patrols that take place outside our lands. Only a very few of us know of that though. They’re sort of like secret investigations to get information on whether a smaller clan will be wanting to rise against us or not in order to prepare for or avoid any future wars.”

“But as you can see, we’ve managed to avoid war for a long time now.”

“Though it doesn’t guarantee the fact that we won’t be going to war again at all.”

As you stared down at your lap, the distressed look on your face made the mood drop as your two princes shared a look of understanding, knowing exactly what you are worried about.

Namjoon lightly squeezed the hand that he held onto as he began to speak again. “I know I cannot promise you that there will be no wars in the future and that even if there is a war that does not concern our clan, you may be called in to be involved as Keeper, but I can promise you that you will never be alone.”

You looked up at him with sad eyes just thinking about the wars that you all would have to face in order to protect your own people.

But Namjoon did not back away from your fear and held onto a gentle smile. “Perhaps it may not be enough to just tell you that you will not be alone but I speak for all of the dragons in our clan when I say this, Y/N. Whether it is a war fought for our own lands or a war you will be called into as Keeper for the other clans, our dragons will be right behind you guarding you at all sides. As a follower, as a friend, as a lover, and as dragons of the Eastern Clan. We are here for you.”

Upon those words that were given unto you, you knew that you could trust them with your life just as you trusted the two of them. It had been a long journey from the moment you and Jungkook escaped your old village and flew into their clan. Many things happened but as time changed, so did their hearts. You were a trusted keeper now, a human your clan believed in without a doubt so it was your turn to put your faith in them.

The journey beyond was still long but you knew you’d be alright as long as they were by your side.

“I love you,” you confessed and their eyes softened.

You were held in between the two of them, huddled so close, making you feel safe and sound and that alone allowed you to believe that everything would be alright.

“Greetings to the prince of the Western Clan.”

The air felt thicker, more tense than it was during that moment where you stood tall in front of the Southern Clan. The Western Clan was not as friendly looking as the Southern Clan but you knew that they valued law and order so although a part of you was filled with anxiety standing before the prince, you also understood that prince Seojoon wasn’t going to be someone who would judge someone that easily just because of their descendants.

“Greetings to the princes of the Eastern Clan,” he returned the formal bow, face as expressionless and as stoic as you’d been warned about. When he turned to look your way, you couldn’t tell what was on his mind. All you knew was that what he saw before him was a simple human girl claiming to be the Keeper of the Dragons.

What did he think of you? Perhaps in his eyes you looked like a frail, weak, human girl who should have never associated herself with the dragons.

It was hard being tested back in the Eastern Clan itself when you first arrived. Many of the dragons hated you at the time but you never let it get to you and tried your best to do what your heart had told you to do. Whether the dragons would accept you or not, you just had to continue doing the job you were meant to do with a golden heart.

If you show weakness, if you let their words and judgement hurt you, you would only look like someone who was not worthy of the Keeper title and that was something you knew you absolutely could not do. You couldn’t taint the reputation of the Eastern Clan, you couldn’t let the other clans shame them. If Namjoon gave you that title because he believed in you and the dragon ancestors accepted you then you had to live up to all of their expectations no matter how unclear the journey before you may lie.

When you greeted the eyes of prince Seojoon whose face revealed no sign of anything, a part of you was still afraid. But you kept your head held up high and perhaps because of that strong facade, his expression did not harden when he met your eyes.

“Keeper.” His voice was rather normal. No tone of disgust, no amount of hatred bleeding through the tip of his tongue. He greeted you as if you were an equal with a short bow and a small nod of acknowledgement.

Perhaps it wouldn’t be seen as something special but you knew and many of the dragons knew that that itself meant that prince Seojoon wasn’t going to reject you as the Keeper.

“Seojoon.” At the call of his name falling out of Namjoon’s lips, the Western prince returned his focus back on the leader of the Eastern Clan.

For a moment all was quiet and tense as the two of them stared at one another as if sending telepathic messages to each other with looks alone. You stood there beside Hoseok, waiting for one of them to break the long silence but it seemed as if none of the two were willing to do so.

You didn’t know much about the history between the two princes nor understood much of what their relationship was but what you did know was that between the two leaders of the Eastern and Western Clan, though they may have once fought from time to time long before Jungkook was captured by your former village, the two of them had this silent mutual respect for one another.

And perhaps that was one of the reasons why prince Seojoon was willing to be the one to break first.

“I was surprised when I received your letter, Namjoon,” he began without so much of a blink in his eyes. “Out of all the crown princes who have taken their positions on the thrones, I never thought you out of the four of us would choose to trust a human and grant them the title of a Keeper. In fact, I always believed you to be the last one to ever be willing.”

Standing tall and proud with no sign of remorse, Namjoon spoke with the same resolve. “It is true that my actions were indeed unexpected but my decisions were not made solely on feelings alone.”

“You are not one to easily trust a human,” the Western prince acknowledged, “so I will trust in the decision you have made. The ancestors have, as it seems, deemed her worthy of the position. However, that does not mean I will blindly put my faith in someone I do not know. Until the Keeper can prove her worth, I will be on the neutral side on neither accepting nor refusing the new Eastern Clan member.”

Prove your worth.

He wanted you to prove your worth as a Keeper in order to accept you as someone needed in the dragan clans. You weren’t sure how to do that, you weren’t even sure how you were going to be someone of good help to the four major clans. Namjoon believed in you and so did the other six, but at the moment their support did not mean much until you could find the strength within yourself to accept the role.

Prince Seojoon was right, you had to prove your worth. But not just for the clans but for your own self as well.

The past years have always treated you horribly, a human woman who had no place anywhere with no purpose in life. Now that you were given such a high honor and set at the center of the dragons, the new profound responsibilities could only make you feel as if you were just another outcast again.

No.

Your princes believed in you and they’d go through any lengths to make sure you were safe and protected. They gave you a place in their clan, cared for you, and made sure everything was alright. It was time to stop hiding in their shadows and prove that you were indeed worthy of such an honorable title and be the one to protect instead.

You were a Keeper now. There was no time to dwindle and convince yourself otherwise.

Seeing the resolve in your eyes rather than shrinking in fear and hiding behind the princes of the Eastern Clan, prince Seojoon was a bit taken back by your strong gaze.

But...it wasn’t a look that he did not exactly hate.

Not bad, he thought, and hid the small look of approval behind his cold exterior.

“Your highness.”

Prince Seojoon stopped walking and turned slowly to find the Keeper who had not spoken even once during his audience with the Eastern Clan’s arrival. You bowed before him in a formal and elegant way, a voice too gentle and soft for a supposed warrior who would eventually have to be used in upcoming battles with the dragons, but he allowed himself not to judge someone based on the exteriors alone.

“What is it, Keeper?”

At least he was calling you by your title, you thought, and let out a hidden sigh before facing the prince with a dignified stance.

“I understand that the relationship between humans and dragons is not a strong one, but I also do not conceive of you as one who would wrongfully judge others based on the fact that I am human alone.”

“You do not, huh?” He replied with the same seriousness as you have written on your face.

“Forgive me if I am overstepping my boundaries but prince Namjoon himself has told me that you are one who sees the person before him as what they are as you see before your eyes. Neither past, race, gender, nor what they were born as will sway your mind into thinking otherwise.”

“And what are you to do with that information?”

You held your head high and met his eyes without falter, keeping in mind the words Namjoon had warned you about with how prince Seojoon did not like it when one spoke about proving oneself while cowering before his eyes. “If me proving my worth to the dragons is all that you want from me, then I will do all that I can to become a warrior that is worthy to everyone. I hope that someday you can faithfully put your trust in me as Keeper of the Dragons.”

Prince Seojoon took a moment to reply, the silence between the two of you lingering while you refused to back down upon his hard gaze otherwise he would never take your words seriously.

After a short while, he finally gave you a firm nod. “I trust that you will keep your words.”

“Yes, your highness.”

With that, the prince watched you walk away while he stood there, beginning to understand just a little bit of why the princes of the East have decided to keep you by their sides.

A brave soul, kind and gentle, but unaware of the power you held as a Keeper. One day you’d find your strength and courage walking into future wars that would call for you.

Like a rose who had yet to make use of her thorns.

“What are you worried about, hm? I’m pretty sure you just passed his test.”

“Test?” Your head was quick to perk up upon Namjoon’s words though those eyes of yours were still filled with an unspoken anxiety that kept weighing down your shoulders. “What are you talking about, Namjoon?”

“Seojoon isn’t as cruel as he portrays, he’s just a bit strict and serious when it comes to the future of the dragons.”

“You would know, you’re just like him,” Hoseok commented as a side remark, causing the leader to roll his eyes while you let out a small chuckle.

Hearing that, Namjoon’s brows furrowed as he sent you a pout. “You agree?”

There he was, a prince who was always seen as a strict leader to all, showing you a cute pout. “Well you were quite hard on me when I first walked into the clan,” you reminded the prince, causing him to let out a dry laugh.

“Right,” he cringed, not entirely liking the images of those memories walking into his head. Those days weren’t the greatest and they regretted it more than you could ever imagine but telling you those thoughts would only bring more weight on your shoulders and that was something they absolutely couldn’t do. So rather than dwelling on the negative thoughts, he approached the subject with a light tone. “If someone like me can be swayed into trusting a human once again, then Seojoon would have no problem following my footsteps.”

“Mhm,” agreed Hoseok, “Prince Seojoon is rational when it comes to judging people.”

“All you have to do is be yourself. He likes authenticity more than anything so you have no problem there.”

“I’m just,” you let out a soft sigh as you went on to hug yourself, head falling to the floor, eyes dropping with worry, “how do I prove my worth when I can’t even master my abilities as a Keeper yet?”

You felt arms wrapping themselves around you in a gentle manner, holding you close to his chest, and a soft kiss pressed to the crown of your head. “Wielding ones’ power takes time and patience but I know this, and Hoseok and the other five back at home know this.” He looked down into your eyes with a strong gaze of confidence and encouragement, meeting those anxious ones headstrong. “You can do it, Y/N. If you can turn your back on the village that was supposed to be your past, present, and future but failed you, if you can turn a blind eye on myths and legends about hideous monsters like us, if you can lend your strength towards the one that was meant to be your prisoner, rescue him, and still stay in a clan full of dragons that openly showed their distaste in you. If you can be framed for someone else’s wrongdoing, get locked up in the dungeons for months, then survive a fall off a high cliff with someone who didn’t even appreciate you and injuries all over your body...My love, you can do absolutely anything.”

“I mean look at yourself, pretty girl.” Taking your hand to pull you away from Namjoon, Hoseok held your hand in the air to twirl you around right there in the middle of the guest room. “Beautiful hands,” he pressed a kiss to back of your hand, “beautiful hair,” taking a few strands of your hair, he pressed a kiss to them, “beautiful forehead,” kisses to your forehead, “beautiful brows,” to your brows, “beautiful eyes,” two upon each eye, “beautiful nose,” to the tip of your nose, “beautiful lips,” he grinned at the sight of your cheeks blushing red and delivered a chaste kiss to them. “And a beautiful heart.”

He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you in close and pressed a kiss to the right of your chest before simply resting his chin atop your shoulder.

“On top of that you’re so strong,” Namjoon stated and held you from behind, his chin resting on your opposite shoulder with you wrapped in between their arms. “If there is anyone I can trust with the title of a Keeper, it’s you. Because that is your worth. You’re beautiful and kind and so, so strong.”

“We believe in you more than anything, little one. If you can do all those things and still keep your head up and face everything with a strong mind, you are worth more than anyone as the Keeper of the Dragons.”

“You’re going to be alright. You’re going to fail from time to time but you’ll keep at it without giving up hope because that’s what you’re best at doing. When everyone else has given up hope, you’re right there to smile through the rocky road and continue on without complaint.”

“And through it all, you won’t be alone.” With a kiss on your right cheek and a kiss to your left cheek, they whispered a promise that they’d never break. “We’ll be right here next to you.”

“So rely on us too, okay?” Namjoon said as he pressed another kiss to your temple. “We’re right here for you.”

“Welcome, princes of the Eastern Clan, and,” you could feel the Northern Prince’s eyes on you though you didn’t dare to look up unless he had given you permission to do so. With a light tone that hid a certain secret you couldn’t quite put a finger on, the prince greeted you. “Keeper of the Dragons, it is an honor to finally meet you.”

“The honor is mine, your highness,” you returned the formal words with a head still lowered before him.

“Now, now, we don’t have to act too formal with one another,” prince Hyungwoo spoke in an easygoing tone as he gave a small clap. “We are comrades who are inevitably meant to fight alongside each other, aren’t we?” He held a hand before you and when you looked up to meet the gaze of the Northern Prince, you could see the lopsided grin he had greeted you with, a feeling not going too well with you but how could you show rudeness to a prince of the four?

From your peripheral vision, you could see Namjoon and Hoseok who watched with the same caution and wariness but even they couldn’t do much being as you were in the territory of the Northern Clan. A cold, hard place in the snowy mountains.

Possessive or not, it was common courtesy.

So you let your hand fall into the prince’s palm. “Yes, your highness,” you said and with a satisfied twinkle in his eyes, he gave you a kiss atop the back of your hand.

“Your beauty is one that can defeat the enemies itself, Keeper. Tell me, what is your name?”

“My name is Y/N, your highness.”

“Y/N,” he repeated the name slowly along his tongue, waiting for a moment before letting your hand go and looking up to you with a small smirk curled along the corner of his lips, “can you wield a blade?”

Your brows furrowed. “What?”

“The dragons of the Eastern Clan are one of the best warriors who control both the skies and the land, notorious for being an undefeated clan who refuses to lose to even the smallest wars. Now that they’ve gained a Keeper in their possession, they only grow stronger.” The prince gave one small look towards Namjoon and Hoseok before resting his gaze on you again. “But the Keeper does not only belong to the Eastern Clan, now does she? So tell me, dear Y/N, in a world where dragons are fighting for power just as any human kingdom would, what skills do you have to offer us protection and victory in a battlefield that may cost the lives of many?”

You knew what he was trying to say, that the position you were given and the wars that were to come was not a child’s play. It was all serious business where each one of you would walk into the battlegrounds not knowing who would live and who would survive. Being a Keeper did not guarantee safety nor victory of the wars. It meant protecting the dragons and bringing them back home alive.

“Prince Hyungwoo, the Keeper was only made recently,” Hoseok tried to save you but the Northern prince wasn’t having it.

“All the more reasons to get her ready for such dangerous events. You can’t tell me you aren’t worried just because you have a Keeper by your side now, can you?” He asked, raising a brow at the two Eastern princes. “No. It is because she is the Keeper that makes you worried more than anything. Am I wrong?” Upon the silent response that he received, the prince went on. “I won’t go against the words of our ancestors, they have accepted our dear Y/N after all, but she wouldn’t be useful if we don’t put her to good use.”

A tool.

You could tell that was all the prince of the Northern Clan thought of you as. And not just him but many other dragons who did not know of you as Y/N but as the Keeper of the dragons. You were going to be made a pawn in their wars.

“Since it seems as if the Keeper does not have any particular skills just yet, why don’t we test a theory out?” He snapped his finger, looking right back at you and bringing shivers down your spine as you knew something good wasn’t going to come out of his mouth. “They say the Keeper is at their strongest when placed in a very emotional state of mind.”

“What are you trying to say?” The anger rising in Namjoon flashed in his eyes as he watched prince Hyungwoo but the prince chose to simply ignore his concerns, eyes holding yours with a sly grin.

“What causes your ire, dear Y/N?” He asked you so casually as if speaking about the weather. “What makes you so livid and upset that you can’t seem to control your own emotions? Think of something very unpleasant.” He inched forward your way, dangerous eyes staring straight into your soul. “Is it when a man you barely know of touches you and makes you uncomfortable?” He grabbed ahold of your wrist, a touch different from when he held your hand for a greeting.

You winced slightly, biting back your tongue in order to hide how uncomfortable you were as the images of Jinyoung flashed before you.

“Prince Hyungwoo,” Hoseok growled a low warning as both of your princes stepped up behind you.

But he didn’t let go. “Hmm, you don’t look like someone who would get angry for the sake of yourself. You look like you would explode if something were to happen to the ones you cared most about.”

You couldn’t hear a single thing he was saying with the tight grip on your wrist. The only thing you could see was Jinyoung, the man who only looked at you when you were finally made useful because you managed to tame a dragon. The love he claimed he had for you wasn’t love. He just wanted to use you, having no other reason behind his infatuation for you.

Just like your former village.

You were just a tool for them as you would become one for the dragons.

“Let her go,” Namjoon demanded in a low snarl as he placed a tight grip on Prince Hyunwoo’s shoulder. Only then did the prince realize the state you were in and released his hold on you.

You couldn’t meet his gaze any longer but you held your head up, lips pressed into a thin line as the expression on your face refused to give into the fear your mind wanted you to walk into.

Hoseok wrapped a hand around your shoulder and took a step back so that he could create more distance between you and the prince.

Even then you didn’t feel good.

In a Clan where strangers stared at you as if you didn’t belong, in a Clan that only hoped to use you as a tool, you were reminded once again of your place in the world.

Jinyoung, your former village, and the dragons.

The whole world was really against you, weren’t they? Because when you think you’ve finally found happiness, it tries to take that away from you.

Hoseok stood there beside the open door that led into the guest room where the three of you would reside while Namjoon held a meeting with prince Hyungwoo, and watched with a silent gaze as you sat on a chair, eyes staring at your hands with thoughts running all over your mind.

Despite how brave you were in front of prince Hyungwoo, behind that font he knew how anxious and afraid you were. He could see it from where he stood now, watching you sit there all alone, finally letting your guard down but with a mind filled with anxious thoughts.

You were a brave soul, the sweetest kind he had ever met, and seeing such an expression on your face made him want to make it all alright again.

So he stepped into the room, closing the door slowly behind him to not make any abrupt noises which would startle you and walked towards your way.

Sliding a hand upon your shoulder, he felt you jumping slightly at the sudden touch.

“Sorry, I scared you, didn’t I?” Hoseok first apologized with a rueful smile. The last thing he wanted was to make you even more anxious.

But the way your expression softened at just the sight of him and how you breathed out the slightest relief of “Hoseok” made him at ease again. He made his way around to kneel before you and took your hands to caress them both with a gentle smile to help ease your own worries that kept circling your thoughts. Your eyes followed him silently, comforted at just his presence alone.

“Roses are really beautiful, you know that?”

The hairs of your brows creased in between as you met his gaze. “Hoseok?”

Yet he continued. “They bloom in the most magnificent ways, fluttering their petals open, blushing in the most prettiest shades of red. However, although they are known to be one of the most beautiful flowers, a rose doesn’t just offer itself as a pretty flower. It has its thorns to protect it from harm. Some thorns may be harmless, while some are really sharp and more dangerous than others. It’s like a pretty little thing such as yourself building bushes out of bushes made of thorns to keep yourself from harming others and others harming you. The rose likes to stand there, far from others, and smiling prettily as if everything is alright, while inside it’s slowly wilting away and just wants a hand that would willingly give it sunlight and water without fearing her thorns.”

Now I’m not saying that the thorns are always a bad thing. They can be good when facing harmful creatures that wish to simply pluck it and steal it for themselves, eventually hurting the little rose because they wouldn’t know how to care for it. But there are times when the wall of thorns can fall out of control. There are times when those thorns can harm the little rose. But do you know what’s so fascinating about these thorns? They only exist because the rose allows them to. Some thorns can get out of control, but once it’s tamed and nurtured and the rose can face it each day until it no longer fears those thorns, they can become one of the most powerful allies the rose can use.”

What I’m saying is,” Hoseok held your hands tighter against his own, giving it a gentle squeeze while never taking his eyes off you, “these little thoughts of yours can become your greatest ally or your worst enemy. It is all up to how you wish to face them. The world can be really scary, and I know that because I was one of those scary things that you had to face to get to where you are now. But just as your world can shift with just one sincere heart, you can do that all over again. Sincerity was what got us to see your blooming petals and soon all dragons that exist will see that too. Though,” he narrowed his eyes, “you have to be careful otherwise they’ll try to steal you away.”

“As if that would ever happen,” you told him with a shake of your head and a bitter smile.

“What do you mean?” He asked as he gave you a light squeeze. “You’re beautiful, Y/N, anyone would be lucky to have you.”

“I know what you mean, Hoseok, but I…” You looked away, eyes shaking as you could feel the tears coming. “I don’t want to be seen as just...that. I don’t want to be seen as just Y/N, Keeper of the Dragons, as a human, as a human girl who managed to become an important figure to the dragons and is now...and is now someone who can be used to win battles.” You took your hand from Hoseok to hold your face, hiding the tears that fell from your eyes the more your voice shook. “I know it’s selfish of me but I don’t want to be used as a tool. I don’t want to be seen as someone who’s far greater or far lesser than everyone else. I want to be seen as an equal, as an ally. I don’t want to be a weapon. I’m so scared, Hoseok.”

The sight of your tears, the soft cries and soft whimpers that left your lips made Hoseok’s heart ache when you finally decided to break down and tell him the things that had been going on inside your head.

Back then when you were in front of prince Hyungwoo, the way he held your wrist probably reminded you of how cruel and forceful Jinyoung had been towards you. Though he himself hadn’t ever witnessed the cruelty from both Jinyoung and the village you grew up in, he was sure the memories only served you as a horrible reminder of what you were to those people.

Hoseok wrapped his arms around you and in just a split second, your cries grew louder as you leaned against him, eventually getting too weak to hold yourself up on your own so you fell into his arms and the two of you sat there on the carpet floor.

“It isn’t selfish to want something for yourself, Y/N,” he said in such a soft tone as he held you close and tight. “Just because you are the Keeper does not mean you have to belong to everyone. You belong to your own self. Not me, not the Eastern Clan, not the dragons. You belong to you and no one should feel as if they can use you for their own benefits.”

“But…”

“You have a duty to hold as a Keeper, yes,” Hoseok nods, cutting you off gently, “but just because the Keeper’s job is to protect everyone, it does not mean that you are to be used as a tool. My love, I know the world hasn’t been fair to you but you have us now. You're not alone. Whatever you wish to do, we’re with you. Me, Namjoon, Seokjin, Yoongi, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook. If it seems as if the world is not on your side, know that we are. I believe in you, Y/N. It’s okay to be afraid and it’s okay to lean on others when things aren’t going the way you hope for it to go. No matter what, you are you, and no one can take that away from you.”

“Hoseok..” You called his name.

“What is it?” Hoseok gently asked.

“I want to go home.”

The raw broken tone in your voice made his heart ache and although there were still a few days to go and the sun had yet to set, how could Hoseok ever say no when you’ve finally voiced out a selfish wish for the first time?

“Okay.” So he said, giving you a nod and a soft kiss to the crown of your head. “We’ll go home.”

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