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minniepetals · 7 months

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cry me a river | the habits

— summary: you are a weapon and weapons do not weep

— pairing: bts x reader

— genre: angst, mafia!au

— word count: 6.4k

— warnings: physical abuse, violence, mentally unstable mindset

— PART 25 / previous post / masterpost

One.

Two.

Three.

The seconds will pass. The minutes will fly. The hours will go.

You’re alright.

Endure it. Endure it.

It will pass.

Everything will pass just as everything has always passed.

In time, father will raise his hand to indicate them to stop. A stop signal. He may leave the room out of boredom but he will return just as he always does in order to demand them to leave you alone. He will never be satisfied but there is always a limit to everything and father sometimes gets too bored to keep seeing it, to keep hearing it, so he’s always there to stop it.

Eventually.

You just have to endure it for now until the signal comes, until—

“What are you doing?!”

You didn’t realize it and perhaps that’s because you blacked out, your mind keeping you from feeling it all completely, trying to protect you, but you’re sitting on the ground when a call demands out an answer in a loud, commanding voice, and a rushing of a pair of feet running over to push Karl off you.

Asher punches Karl right in the face, throwing him off you, before demanding the guards he has with him to hold the man back.

“She provoked me!” Karl argues like a child in a kid’s play.

He’s never been abruptly stopped before. Always angry, never satisfied.

Nothing is ever enough when it comes to the two of them.

Karl landing hurt through his fists and weapons and anything he can get a hand on. Your father landing hurt through his commands, watching and watching and watching.

And you, their victim, who has to stay down and accept it all until there is a small amount of satisfaction that calls at them to stop.

You always wait on that call, no matter how much endurance it takes.

“That doesn’t make it right to lay your hand on a woman!” Asher retorts with anger laced in his tone, and this anger, despite how different it is from that of Karl’s, still shakes you violently though you keep as still as ever, paralyzed.

Paralyzed.

Even when the anger does not fall on you, even when he does not turn to you but towards the companion who stands behind you, who had stood still this whole time. “And what are you doing? Your boss was getting hit and you just stood there?”

Yeonjun, with a snap on cue, kneels over to your side and looks down at you with widened eyes and a frozen expression. He doesn’t touch you right away, cautious, but you see what those eyes mean, you know exactly what that expression is telling you.

That he, too, had reverted back to the past.

When your father still lived, when he had to stand by and watch everything without moving a muscle.

He reverted back just as you had.

Two little kids, who're still affected by the traumas of the past.

Two little kids.

You take Yeonjun’s hand, giving him the permission to touch you, so he helps you back onto your feet and the two of you remain in silence as you walk off with his help, not daring to look Karl in the eyes, not caring to reply to Asher.

But you feel yourself trembling with the presence of a pair of eyes boring right into your back. Not from Asher or Karl or the two guards but from someone else.

The ghost of him.

Of that man.

That man named father.

“Y/N?” There’s concern in Jungkook’s voice when you walk into the room and you guess that’s probably because of the state you’re in, but right now you can’t entertain him so you simply hold a hand up, asking him to stay back, and Jungkook, though worried, leaves the room on your behalf.

When you’re left alone with Yeonjun, you let your legs give in to sit on the floor rather than finding a chair or taking a seat on the bed.

The floor is comfortable. It’s always been more comfortable.

The boy takes your heels off, along with your jacket, and despite the sting of the pain that aches over your body, the only thing on your mind is the fact that you let it happen so easily, that you allowed yourself to walk back into that state of being an obedient and perfect little doll.

You reverted back to the damages just when you thought after father’s death, you wouldn’t let anyone walk over you anymore.

But it isn’t easy.

It isn’t easy.

And it will never be easy.

Father still lives in your head rent free and there’s nothing you can do about it. No matter how much time has passed, nothing will change. It’s already been a little over a year since his death but he’s still here, still thriving, mocking you, taunting you, controlling everything that you are.

You’re shaking, trembling, not just out of fear but out of anger. Angry at yourself. For being so weak, for reverting back, for thinking things could get better.

And with Yeonjun the only one here with you at the moment, you lean into his touch and let yourself into his arms to allow the sort of warmth only your Reapers can provide you.

Yeonjun’s heartbeat won’t be the same as Mingyu’s, it’s probably even beating rapidly right now, so you don’t let your ear rest against his chest and instead wrap your arms over his neck and climb into his lap to lay your cheek against his shoulder.

Yeonjun brings his hand over to rub down your back but he’s a little awkward and unsure because he’s never really had to do this; comforting you. It’s always been Mingyu, and if Mingyu wasn’t there, it’d be Yuna, and if Yuna couldn’t do it, it’d be Dasom, or someone else.

Anyone else.

He’s only a kid after all, just eighteen years old, the youngest of your Reapers, but because no one else is here, he does his best to pick up the role that’s been given unto him.

Yet you feel him tremble slightly himself and you guess that in some way, he must be afraid as well.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers to you. “I didn’t…I…”

You know what he’s trying to say, that he failed you, that he couldn’t protect you. But can you really blame him? Because just as you’ve been trained to endure through the pains and take everything that’s given unto you, Yeonjun, the Reapers, were trained to stand by and watch.

Habits are scary.

Frightening.

And because you don’t know how to console him and he doesn’t know how to console you, the two of you remain in silence simply holding onto one another.

Just two little kids having to rely on each other.

Just two little kids.

And after a little while, when things have settled a little more, when he starts shaking a little less, Yeonjun gathers himself and forces himself out of the state he’s in.

He stands up and you watch him leave for a second, not too long, because he rushes, and returns with materials in hand to begin tending to you. It remains as quiet as ever between the two of you, but you see the way his brows furrow in concentration and he stops himself from staying in the mindset of a teenager.

Of a child.

He becomes an adult, a reliable adult. For you. Applying what’s needed on the bruises that have swelled up, wrapping your arm with bandages, and when you frown with disgust at the sight of the white wrapping on you, wanting it off, complaining, he doesn’t fall into your trap and stands his ground just as he’s seen Mingyu do plenty of times.

Yeonjun gets frightened of you at times but he always listens to your every command and does all that you ask him within a heartbeat, but today he grows a pair of wings and knocks you lightly on the head with his knuckles when you try to push him away, when you get stubborn with him.

“Do you want to die?” You glare at him but he doesn’t give in.

“You can kill me after I treat you,” he says and continues his ministrations.

“I hate it,” you tell him. “I don’t like it, this…this white.” You try to scratch at yourself but he grabs your hand before you can and your face scrunches up with anguish. “Get it off me.”

You tug the pearls on your neck and it scatters onto the floor but you don’t care and move on to the white dress, yet Yeonjun stops you once more.

“You’ll hurt yourself.”

“I’m not weak.”

“I never said you were.” And because he knows the signs, because he’s seen it plenty of times in you, he grabs the sleeve, rips it, then the hem of the dress, and tears that as well without doing too much. “See? Look. Imperfect.” You hate perfect things and seeing that, the tears of the dress, alleviate a bit of your drumming heartbeat, so Yeonjun grabs a pair of scissors to start cutting off bits of your dress.

All your life you’ve been told to be perfect, that everything you do must be under the command of your father. He made you into his perfect little doll, his perfect little weapon, prepared you for the battlefield, prepared you for war.

For the war that he brought, for the war that was his.

Or rather, he was the war itself.

You are a weapon, and weapons do not weep. Weapons are used and weapons do not run off on their own. Weapons are perfect, they fire at the command of their owner, they’re silent when told, and left to waste if they do not do their job.

You’ve never wanted to be left to waste, you’ve never wanted to be dropped back into an empty room, the White Room, and never picked up again.

“I look broken,” you utter a whisper as if shocked at the image of yourself when you look down at the mess of your dress and the white bandages on your body. Your brows are knitted, teeth grinding on each other, fingers dug into the skin of your palm, eyes red but as always, they refuse to cry.

Because weapons do not weep.

And Yeonjun, for a second, almost panics, thinking he did something wrong, but in Mingyu’s wise words, “Just because it looks like I know what I’m doing when it comes to boss does not mean that is the truth. It is far from the truth. There are times when it feels like I’ve messed up, times when I’m about to panic because she responds differently from what I imagined, but you cannot ever show her that you do not know what you’re doing. Ever. Just pretend when you’re in that position, and if you’re good at pretending, she won’t know a thing,” Yeonjun quickly pulls himself back up.

“You don’t look broken,” he puts the scissors down and takes your two trembling fists. “You look imperfect.”

You look imperfect.

Imperfect.

It does the trick.

He sees the way the crease between your brows starts to soften, how your clenched jaw loosens, the way you let him help your fingers unravel from the strength they held digging into yourself, and how your shoulders fall a bit from being so hunched up.

“I look imperfect?” You ask him, eyes wide and puppy-like, darting right to him and though they shake slightly, they look towards him for an answer, for reassurance, to detect any lie, to seek for the truth. But also pleading, also begging for him to say just that.

Even if the lie must disguise itself as the truth.

“You do,” so Yeonjun lies skillfully. “You look imperfect, boss.”

There’s a breath of relief, quiet and subtle, and it comes in a whisper just barely there. Yeonjun keeps you close and presses a palm to your chest, just where your heartbeat strums.

“Now count,” he tells you. “Mingyu says counting is good, right? Count until he gets here.”

“Is he coming?” You ask when he takes both your hands to take over where his palm once lay.

“Yes,” he lies again. He hasn’t made the call yet. “Soon.”

“You have to stay here.”

“I will.”

“No one can come in.”

“I know.”

“Don’t talk to him, don’t let Karl anywhere near me.”

“I wouldn’t dare.”

“I’m tired.”

“Alright, come here.” He pulls you in carefully into his lap, in his arms, and you let yourself be warmed and comforted in his arms once more, this time with your back pressed to his chest.

“I don’t want to sleep,” you tell him. “The nightmares…they’ll come. He’ll come. He’ll visit. And he’ll try to make me perfect all over again.”

He. Your father.

“I don’t want to be perfect.” It isn’t a command, it’s a plea. A desperate cry for help.

“Then don’t sleep. But count the heartbeats, yeah? Count.” The soft lure of his voice, gentle, encouraging.

With hands still pressed against your chest, you let your ear tune out everything else in order to hear the beat of your heart so that you can start counting them.

One. Two. Three…

It’s fast and you know that you can’t completely count every individual one of them but you try your best to simply concentrate on only that while your eyes stare out at the window a few feet away. The sun shines brightly from the opened curtains and there’s a small little bird perched on the closest tree.

It jumps onto a branch and rests there with its head moving about in different directions.

There are pretty white clouds up above and one of the bigger ones shapes like a castle and you imagine fairies up there, hiding.

There’s another cloud that looks like a cat and another one shaped like a ghost.

The wind blows and your eyes turn back to the bird that flies off.

Thirty-three, thirty-four, thirty-five…

It’s slowing down, just slightly.

“I heard what happened this afternoon.”

Kiwi keeps you distracted as he nibbles with your finger. You can’t recall when he’s decided to hang around you rather than his own master whenever you’re around but at least it gives you a reason to not look someone in the eyes.

“Would you like to tell me what happened from your perspective?”

Thirty-something years old. You can’t even remember just how old you are but lately, it hasn’t mattered in the slightest because you feel much younger than what you actually are. Like you’re twenty-something. Even a teen. It doesn’t feel like you’ve aged much.

Your birthday hasn’t been celebrated since your time at the Bangtan manor but it doesn’t really matter. Nothing really matters.

Because you feel like a kid back under the control of your father, having to do what you’re told, obeying his every command like someone who can’t do anything on her own.

Under scrutiny.

“What did Karl tell you?” You pop a question of your own, eyes still unfocused, mind still trying to pretend you’re fine, that you’re okay in a room full of strangers.

There’s only one stranger but a stranger nonetheless.

“He said you provoked him.”

“That’s right.” You don’t deny it and instead nod, expression blank so that Alexander cannot tell what’s going on inside your head. And maybe he does, maybe all of this faking is futile because he’s so wise, but you don’t care. You keep still, you keep vague, and you remain cold.

“Is that so…?” He trails off, perhaps thinking, and you can feel his eyes never leaving you. “And what was it that you did to have provoked him?”

“I told him something he didn’t like.”

“And what’s that?”

“That I killed his best friend.”

“And did you?”

“I did.”

“And who was that?”

“My father.”

He pauses, perhaps because he hadn’t expected that answer but you’re sure he’s thinking back on the moment when you first mentioned your father to him. The “story” you gave him was that your father passed away and was a good friend of Karl’s, though you never mentioned anything else about it.

And now here’s the answer; you killed him yourself.

“Is that why you let Karl do what he did?” He asks you. “Because you thought you deserved the punishment for what you did? Some people may not regret their actions but they’ll let the person most affected do something against them. Was that how it was?”

No.

No, not at all.

You didn’t let Karl hurt you because you knew he’d be hurt by what you did. You didn’t let him hurt you because you thought he at least deserved to lash his anger out on you. Or that you felt bad. Or that you wanted some sort of punishment. Or that you were repenting.

You let Karl hurt you because you’d always let him hurt you, just as you’d always let everyone hurt you.

Because that was how it always was.

A habit.

Being the weaker one, being the one who would chant the words endure, endure because that was what was instilled in you from the moment Mister Butler died. You cannot get out of your habits that easily, you do not just get stronger because you vow to yourself you will.

You don’t just get stronger and you certainly don’t just decide ‘I won’t let anyone step over me anymore’ and succeed on the first try.

Or the second try.

Or the third.

Even the tenth or hundredth time.

You let Karl hurt you because you were used to it and your body, remembering how it always was before your father died, returned to those habits.

The habits of staying still, the habits of enduring all that came at you.

“Yes.” But you lie because what else is there to say? You lie because there is nothing else to say. Because you don’t want to tell the truth. Because the truth means explaining and explaining means opening up and opening up means trusting and trusting never ends well.

You lie because you have to.

“That is all there is to it.” You put Kiwi down onto the floor and stand up straight, making sure to look in the old man’s direction with your hands held together in a formal stance. “Karl’s story is the whole truth. I deserved what he did, for killing his best friend, for killing my father.”

His brows are furrowed and you sense doubt in his eyes but because he has no proof and because you’re not willing to share anything else with him, he can’t push you too hard about the matter. “Whether that is the truth or not, do you really think a man much older and bigger has the right to hurt a woman younger and smaller in stature? No–” he fixes his sentence, “do you think a man is in his right to hurt a woman?”

“A man is capable of hurting anything that he wishes to hurt. He is in the power to do so.”

“You are strong, Y/N.” He stands to meet your eyes, serious, calm, and collected, but there’s a little twitch in his brows to indicate that he feels a bit frustrated by the situation. “You are capable of dodging his attacks. Even if a man were much bigger and stronger than you, you have the brains to outsmart them. You don’t look like someone who will easily let someone else step all over you.”

No. You are exactly just that. You are still the little girl you thought had changed. You’re still weak.

“So I’ll ask you again, Y/N; why did you let Karl hurt you?”

You hate feeling caged in and right now, despite the fact that only Alexander stands in this room, you feel eyes from all over. And maybe that’s just you being paranoid, maybe you’re just making it all up in your head, but you hate every bit of it.

Every bit of this.

“I gave you my answer, take it with a grain of salt. Do not pretend to be on my side.” And with that, you turn your back to him and walk off without another word.

Alexander doesn’t chase after you but you feel his eyes.

It’s ironic the way you’re supposed to be the one trying to gain his favor and yet this happens; you pushing him away and putting up your walls. And Asher makes sure to remind you of that.

“Isn’t the whole point of you being here to gain his favor?”

He stops you in the middle of the hall when you’re heading back to the guest room.

“Why?” He asks, genuinely curious, maybe even with a bit of genuine concern in that tone.

“Maybe I’m tired,” you say in a quiet voice.

“Of?”

“Of trying to be likable.”

He hums, considering the answer with his arms crossed over his chest and leaning against the wall. “And that young bodyguard of yours,” he brings up Yeonjun, “he may be a kid but don’t you think he deserves punishment for failing you?”

“No.” You reply easily and Asher raises a brow.

“You won’t punish him?”

“I don’t blame him.”

He watches you as if you were a strange being, like you weren’t making sense, though there’s a bit of unease that marks his features, some sort of disturbance that troubles his thoughts and you realize that you’ve said too much so you start walking again.

“My people aren’t allowed to act unless I tell them to.”

But Asher doesn’t want to leave it with just that. “You wanted my uncle to hurt you?”

“Nobody wants to get hurt willingly, Asher.”

“Then what is it?”

You’re talking too much.

“It is none of your concern, that’s what it is.” With that, you pick up your steps and walk into the room before he can push you any further.

Jungkook is in there when you walk in, and although being left in a room with just him should trigger some sort of response, surprisingly you don’t tremble that easily and perhaps that’s due to the fact that somehow, in some way, your body just knows that Jungkook doesn’t pose any threat to you. Perhaps because somehow, in some way, you’ve learned to put some trust in him in just the slightest way through the times he’s spent acting as your guard.

It’s been a little over a month.

Mingyu came here prior to your meeting with Alexander and surprisingly you didn’t need him as much as you thought you did. You think that’s because Yeonjun managed to calm you down well, despite his perpetual fear in the beginning. He picked himself up in time, after all, and was there for you by mirroring what Mingyu would have done.

Maybe in some ways, your right hand man has trained all the Reapers in how to respond to you when he isn’t around.

He took Yeonjun away for something, though right now you aren’t too concerned about it.

“..Kook.”

You feel tired, you feel drained, and that’s why you’ve managed to only call Jungkook by a shortened name.

He’s responsive at the first call, despite how quiet your voice is, and when he sees that you’ve given him permission to come in close contact with you, he doesn’t hesitate to walk over to you.

“Do you need something?”

It’s odd the way you feel some sort of relief he’s as responsive as he used to be all those years ago. Maybe because a part of Jungkook will always remain the way that he always was, maybe that’s why you’ve learned to associate him with a figure that you can put a bit of trust in.

“When are they coming?”

“They?” He tilts his head and when you reach a hand out towards him, he takes it in order to help you because you feel your legs are weak in the knees.

“Namjoon. Them.” He takes you to the bed so that you can lie down.

“In a month or so,” he replies. “You said as much time as you need to gain Alexander’s favor but the latest would be in a month.”

You’re already winning so what’s the point in waiting?

It’s been a month, over a month.

You just want to go home already.

“Can you call him?”

Jungkook looks for his phone. “What for?”

“Tell him to come earlier,” you say, body turned over towards him, cheek against the pillow, eyes drowsy. “In a week. I don’t…Karl has…I want him dead.”

For a second his thumb hovers over his phone to look back over at you and there he finds, the little girl he’s seen holding her walls up so high not even a plane can cross over, beginning to crumble in just the slightest way.

You look exhausted.

The makeup does not hide the bags under your eyes, it doesn’t hide the exhaustion, how drained you are over all of this. And maybe a part of that is due to your insisting to stay awake when you needed sleep but a big part of it is the mission itself.

Every mission is a little different from the other, but Jungkook has come to know that every one of them involves someone who has sucked all that sweet girl energy out of you. They’ve all done you wrong and it can’t be easy. It can’t be easy having to face all of them one by one, trying to deal with it all, trying to rid of them, and ultimately as a result, hurting yourself in the process.

“Kook?” Your eyes went closed for a second but upon his silence, you open them up again in order to look up at him, and due to your exhaustion, he finds the pretty girl he once loved all those years ago with the smallest voice as if calling out for him in a sense of help.

“I-I’ll call.” He’s flustered, slightly, but hits the call button with his thumb and walks towards the bathroom. “Stay awake, alright? I won’t be away for too long.”

He closes the door behind him to start looking around for something just as Namjoon picks up on the other end.

“Jungkook?”

“Y/N wanted me to tell you to come earlier.”

“Earlier?” It’s surprising on his end because just the night before, you told him to stick to the original plan. “Did something happen?” Of course something must’ve happened for you to change your mind so quickly.

In some ways you’re just as stubborn as he is, so he knows you aren’t someone who will change your mind that easily.

“This afternoon, uh…” Jungkook hesitates, not sure if it’s okay to relay him the news but something tells him you probably expect Jungkook to not stay silent about it to the boys. They share everything with each other after all, and if you really cared, you wouldn’t have let him anywhere near you after what happened. “Karl, you know, after touching her when she felt uncomfortable?” He did mention the incident a few weeks ago to Namjoon already. “Well, Y/N took up his invitation to tea in order to catch up and stuff and I assume she pissed him off.”

Somehow, Namjoon expected that. After all, you hinted at doing something reckless during your call with him.

“I’m not sure what happened exactly because I wasn’t there but Karl hit her.”

“What?” There’s some shuffling on the other end. “What do you mean hit her?”

“Not just once. She has bruises as a result.”

“Bruises?”

“I should get back to her, she might fall asleep but I’ll catch up with you later.” He doesn’t wait for Namjoon’s reply before cutting the call off and returning to your side out of worry that leaving you alone for too long won’t be good, and the fact that you might have actually fallen asleep on him.

Surprisingly you’re still awake, though your eyes are as droopy as they were when he left you.

“Can you turn over on your back?” Is the first thing he asks of you and you obey, turning over. The bed dips a little when he takes a seat beside you and that’s when you feel he begins to take your lashes off.

“You know there’s a lot of processes that go into taking off makeup, right?” You tell him when he takes the other one off.

“I know, bub, I’ve done it before.”

Right.

He’s helped you before.

“So just stay still, yeah? You don’t have to do anything.”

You listen to the lure of his voice, as soft as the way he used to speak to you all those years ago, and let your eyes close as he begins to swipe the makeup wipe over your face. It’s gentle the way he does it, almost as gentle as Dasom, and although he’s a little clumsy and isn’t as fast as she is, he does his best during it all.

When the makeup wipe is done, you feel your hair pushed back and a band coming over to keep it out of the way, then some sort of cloth on your chest and tied behind your neck.

Warm water walks over your face. Bits of it, not too much, not too little, so that you don’t get too wet anywhere else, and then the feel of soapy foam begins to rub in circles all over your face. The massage feels nice and you almost feel your consciousness slipping away but you keep awake to the touch of Jungkook’s hands.

About a minute later, he soaks a washcloth into water and starts to wipe the cleanser off you so that you don’t have to sit up and wash it off with water yourself.

It takes a moment but eventually, he gets it done, and then you feel a wet cotton pad swipe over next.

Something about all of this, the steps he memorized either for you from the past or the fact that he now does it himself regularly, feels rather domestic and just…soft.

And in your sleepy and tired state, you feel anything but uncomfortable, lured in with the feeling of basking on top of clouds with your head bathing under the warm sun with light little pitter patters of rain sprinkling over you.

You don’t know why you enjoy this so much despite how different it feels from when Dasom does it for you, but knowing that your trust is beginning to leak outside of Reapers somehow brings a sort of comfort you never thought you’d feel.

It’s a little frightening because trusting is always scary, especially for people that had once broken it, but for some reason, it just…feels right.

Somehow.

And maybe that’s because you know they were never at fault in the first place, that they were just forced into making an unwanted decision.

Jung Hoseok would probably be in the same position as they were were he to realize the truth all those years ago. If he hadn’t gotten hurt on that mission. If he hadn’t been forced to lay on the infirmary bed in order to recover. If he hadn’t stood away from the six of them.

Even still, as you’ve said it plenty of times before, just because someone doesn’t mean them doesn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt.

In the safe space that they provided you, you were kicked out of your own comfort and forced to return to the hell you thought you had escaped.

“Why do you not cry?” His voice keeps you awake and when you look up at him through your lashes, eyes feeling quite dreary and heavy, he finds himself pausing in his ministrations as he stares down at you who’s looking up directly at him.

“Why do you ask that?” You return a question, voice just as soft.

Jungkook’s eyes trail down your face. “Karl…he…” he didn’t see what happened but the aftermath of it is right before his eyes. “And Leehyun and…..” He presses his lips together. “You have..so much to cry for.”

“...Do I now?”

“Is there nothing left?” He asks, a hand brushing back small strands of hair that tries to block your eyes.

You don’t nod because you’re too tired to move so you nod through a blink. “It’s all dried up.”

From the water that he used to clean your face, a drop falls from your lash and trails down your cheek, mirroring what a teardrop looks like, and then you say, “But…if I knew how to cry……do you think you deserve to see them?”

He doesn’t reply but you have your answer.

He doesn’t feel worthy.

This Jungkook and the Jungkook you once knew long ago are the same in the way they always feel unworthy of something. No matter how many times you can assure him, he will always think there is something he can do better, that he is undeserving, that he can never be enough.

But unlike idiots who simply say “I don’t deserve you” and go about their days after breaking your heart, Jungkook says it and steps up to do what he can to try and prove to himself that he can be someone deserving.

He always did all that he could and when there came a point when he looked as if he could finally come to terms with being at peace with his love for you, it was ripped away from him all too soon and now he’s back to square one, trying to prove himself.

Even if it isn’t in the form of love.

Jungkook will always care.

But even still,

“I still hate you.”

It comes out soft, it comes out quiet, and a little timid and a little brave, but you hadn’t meant for it to come out.

If you were wide awake, if you weren’t in such a vulnerable state, you would have never spoken those words to him. But because your consciousness is on the verge of slipping away, you speak them out loud for him to hear.

“I know.” And he replies in the same voice, the same softness, quiet, and timid, and brave.

He doesn’t leave your side even after those exchanges uttered unto each other and you fall asleep next to his presence, next to his comfort, next to his warmth.

Jungkook wasn’t there when Taehyung said he witnessed you sleepwalking but he said that it wasn’t the sort of sleepwalking you’d see in a normal person. He said you looked like a ghost more than anything, and that at times, you’d just stand still in the middle of the room and not move an inch.

No, not a ghost. A corpse.

And now here he is, after endless refusal to sleep and finally allowing your eyes to stay closed, he witnesses what Taehyung had meant.

A corpse standing still in the middle of the room, blanket over her shoulders, eyes staring up at the dim sky outside the window, blank and without any hint of life in them.

He watches you from a distance, a furrow in his brows, with his tongue bitten back and his fists clenched by his side.

Subtle anger lies in his heart, brewing, not at you but towards the world that has made you into the sort of person you are today. Or maybe it had always been this way, maybe you had always been hurting and he just never noticed, maybe it was always like this all along and maybe, perhaps, they made it worse when they left you all alone to fend for your own self.

Feeding you to the wolves.

He’s angry not just at the world but at himself and Jungkook knows that if the truth were to ever leave your lips about what actually happened to you, about all the things that you’ve gone through, he knows that this hatred he feels right now is only but a small fraction waiting to build up before it all breaks into the tiniest little pieces.

Shattering in the way he had broken you.

Shattered.

The world can only do so much but he encouraged it by standing by, by letting it all fall down onto you, by letting himself be convinced that you’d be fine, that everything would be alright.

But nothing turned out alright.

In the days and months and years that followed your absence, they returned to how things were, returned to loving one another, accepting one another, forgiving one another. But in those days and months and years, he can only imagine what sort of events you had to face.

While they had each other, while they always had each other to lean on, did you have anyone by your side?

The Reapers may be one thing, supporting you and giving you their utmost loyalty, but did they ever hold power over the things that happened to you in the way Namjoon could have handled it? In the way he would have handled it?

“Y/N?” You don’t answer him when he calls out to you but he expected that so he walks on over to where you’re standing.

You’re as still as ever, and he approaches with a careful, watchful gaze, hesitant when he reaches a finger over to you.

A small touch to the blanket, just over your shoulder, and when you don’t freak out or move away from him, he puts two fingers.

Then another.

And when you don’t react to his hand, he proceeds to place a hand on your head and press it towards his chest.

You don’t resist.

“Come on, let’s head back to bed, yeah?” And understanding that you’re okay with him even in this lifeless state of yours, because he knows your body is capable of telling the people you trust and don’t trust apart, he puts his other hand under your knees and picks you up to carry you over back to the bed.

You comply well with him despite your unresponsive self, and when he tucks you back in with the blanket pulled over your chest, he looks back to see your eyes staring straight toward him. Empty yet lonely.

Vacant.

Not at him but through him, and his heart aches a little at the sight.

“You’re alright now,” Jungkook whispers. “You’re alright.”

If Hoseok had been here, would he have been able to do a better job looking after you?

Jungkook wishes he could have been better.

672 notes · View notes

cait-with-luv · 10 months

Text

Little Leopard [6]

"If it weren't for seven men that fateful night you wouldn't be here now. They showed you good people did exist. That life can be great, that you can be loved and cared for. These seven men were the men you loved and cherished. These men were your mates. Your safety blanket. And to them. You were their Little Leopard."

Header Credit: Me

Pairing: OT7 X Hybrid!Reader

Genre: Hybrid! AU, Strangers to Lovers! AU, Rich!BTS, Fluff, Angst, eventual smut, Polyamorous!BTS

Warnings: Angst, discussions of weight, discussions of eating disorders, dissociation, mentions of past mental abuse, mentions of past physical abuse, mentions of sexual abuse, discussions of trauma, anxiety, depression, explicit language, self-doubt, fear of rejection

Word Count: 3.5K

A/N: I'm sorry if this is so scruffy I tried my best since I've just got back to full health so the next update will be better! ITALICS MEANS IT'S A FLASHBACK!

PREV | NEXT

The boys felt lost. It was like they were taking one step forward and one step back with you ever since your hospital appointment a few weeks ago. You had gone back to barely speaking. Only nodding and shaking your head. Murmuring your words. Barely coming out of your room. They were worried. Guilty. Guilty because they felt like they had pushed you too far. You were healing after so much trauma, pain and they reopened those healing wounds. They desperately wanted to help you. Get you back on track to recovery and finding happiness but they didn’t know how. They didn’t know where to start.

However this wasn’t the case. You had not shut yourself out because of the appointment. Because you were suffering from reliving trauma. No, it was because of them. You were not mad at them. You were not disappointed in them. You were purely nervous. Nervous because everytime you looked at them your heart raced. Everytime you tried to talk your words got caught in your throat. THEY made you nervous. Butterflies in your stomach. And it all started because of your realization. They were your mates. They were fated to you. They found you that night because they were meant to.

It terrified you. You had never felt this ever. It was all so new to you. This feeling of adoration, euphoria, love. It was all so overwhelming and terrifying that you didn’t know how to comprehend it. You weren’t ready to accept that you had mates. You were so desperately trying to shut it out but it was proving to be difficult when your leopard is pawing at you consistently to nest with them again, scent them. Mate them. Sheer pain crawling in your body when they come home smelling like another Hybrid. You couldn’t accept it because you were terrified to be rejected. You weren’t good enough for them, not perfect enough. You came with too much baggage. The humiliation you’d feel if they rejected you. The gut-wrenching pain you’d feel. You couldn’t take anymore pain.

You knew you couldn’t shut yourself away forever. That you had to conjure up the courage to talk to them, be around them but it was difficult when your every instinct is to nurture them, claim them.

Your deep thoughts are cut off from a knock on the your bedroom door, you mumble a ‘come in’ and a hesitant Taehyung peers in and pouts seeing you curled up in a nest you had recently built for yourself, the only thing providing you comfort right now but seeing Taehyung makes you ball your fists up to fight the urge to pull him into it. You couldn’t indulge anymore, because now you crave it all the time since the first time you nested with him and Jungkook.

“Hey, Pretty girl, Seokjinnie has made some lunch, want to come eat with us? You didn’t have any breakfast.” He says softly, frowning as you shake your head and snuggle more into your nest.

“I-I’m not hungry. Maybe later?” You mutter quietly, avoiding eye contact. You could see the concern in his face but you just had no appetite, you couldn’t stomach anything right now.

“But Y/N, you haven’t eaten properly in a while…” He trails off, hoping that you’d cave and finally eat but you were stubborn. You couldn’t and wouldn’t. You didn’t have the energy to face them.

“I’m just not hungry right now Taehyungie. I’ll eat later. I promise.” You reassure, before closing your eyes and pretending to go to sleep. You couldn’t look at him otherwise you’d cave.

“Okay, one of us will check on you in a bit, please try to eat later. Please talk to us, we’re here for you.” Taehyung sighs before leaving and making his way downstairs, watching the six hopeful boys' faces fall when they see no sign of you.

“Nothing?” Jungkook pouts as Taehyung shakes his head. They just wanted to see you healing again, smiling and interacting with them.

“Nothing. She won’t eat. She said she’s not hungry again, she wouldn’t look at me. What do we do?” Taehyung whines in frustration, sitting down next to Jimin who gives him a small smile.

“I’m getting worried, she’s starving herself, we can’t let her continue like this. She’s going to get sick, we need to do something, we can’t keep walking on eggshells around her, it’s not going to achieve anything.” Jimin huffs and shakes his head. They needed to make better efforts, because right now, he felt like they were all doing the bare minimum.

“We can’t force her to eat, we can’t force her to do anything. We’d just be doing what all the others were doing but we need to sit her down, remind her that she’s not alone, that she doesn’t need to bottle it all up.” Namjoon advises, they all hum in agreement except for Jungkook. He shakes his head, gaining their attention.

“I don’t think it’s the hospital appointment that’s doing this to her. I think…I think it’s the fact we’re her mates. I think she knows but is scared. Have you guys not noticed how anxious and nervous she gets around us recently? How much more she’s nesting and scenting blankets?” He begins, looking around watching as they all come to a realization.

“That does make sense but how do you know she knows?” Seokjin replies with a frown.

“Well…”

—

“Is she oka-Oh shit.”

Hoseok stares in shock at the sight in front of him. Two of his boyfriends, nesting with you, your small figure, snuggled up between them, the peaceful look of sleep and safety on your face. He knew what this meant. He was familiar with what nesting meant to a hybrid, having been told by his colleagues with mates. Things had just got more complicated.

“Shh don’t wake her. She’s dissociated, she’s distraught, we know what this means, we made the nest for her to help but she invited us in. We couldn’t say no.” Jungkook whispers, looking down to make sure you hadn’t been disturbed. In all honesty, he wasn’t opposed to being your mate. One of seven mates.

“We need to talk. Now.” Hoseok says quietly, shuffling in his spot. Everything was coming together now. Why they felt so much care for you. The need to protect you and spoil you. They all had assumed it was because of your circumstances but how wrong they were.

They may be human but they felt it too. The pull towards you. The attraction.

“Tae, you go, I’ll stay with her, don’t wanna leave her by herself in case she wakes up.” Jungkook sighs, stroking your hair, a small smile falling onto his lips as you subconsciously lean into his touch, a loud rumble of a happy purr leaving your mouth.

Taehyung hesitates before nodding and placing a chaste kiss to your temple and then a quick peck to Jungkook’s head before carefully leaving the nest, his chest filled with anxiety and guilt from doing so.

“Mate…n-no…back…” You whimper in your sleep, anxiously moving about, already feeling Taehyung’s disappearance, your fists clenching Jungkook’s shirt tighter and tighter, fearful to lose him too.

“Shh, it’s okay, I’m here, I’ve got you…your mate is right here, Baby.” He comforts, keeping you tight in his hold, nosing at the crown of your head to relax you. He wouldn’t want anyone else to be a mate too. He will make sure to be the perfect one for you and he knew the others would too. You were the missing piece they were missing. You fit in just like a jigsaw piece.

“We’re her mates.” Taehyung blurts out suddenly once they had all sat down, their eyes widening in shock. Out of all the things they thought they were going to be told, this wasn’t at all what they were expecting.

“W-What? How do you know?” Jimin breathes out in surprise, his heart racing from nerves.

“She nested with me and Kookie. She’s still nesting with him now, she scented him too. She looked pretty upset too when she realized we all weren’t there. She wanted us all in the nest.” Taehyung explained, running a hand through his hair.

“Come to think of it, she looked like she was going to tear Dr. Yoon’s head off when she hugged us. It probably didn’t help that she's a lion hybrid too but it makes sense. It’s kinda like a territorial thing.” Yoongi murmurs leaning back into the couch, arms crossed as he thought deeply.

“Well what do we do? We can’t pretend that we don’t know about it. It’ll just be makingher suffer. I don’t know about you guys but I care a lot about her. I really do think I’d be lost without her.” Hoseok says confidently, the boys humming in acknowledgement.

“She does feel like what we’ve been missing this whole time and I know there’s plenty of room for her in this relationship.” Seokjin agrees with Hoseok a smile toying at his lips, he could picture all the loving memories you could create. Waking up together with them in the mornings, dates, cooking together, intimate moments, all the laughs, smiles, compliments. He wanted that with you. They all did. You were the missing brick in the home they had built. The cement that held it together. They just hadn’t realized it until now.

“I don’t think we should tell her we know…she’ll come to us when she’s ready to tell us no matter how painstakingly slow it may be we got to be patient. We don’t want to scare her off. Let her initiate it. Let her be in control of this. She’s never gotten that choice so we have to give that to her. Maybe little courting gifts here and there for her, not to hint that we know but hint to her that we care for her and if she wants to want to build a relationship with her.” Namjoon says with authority in his voice. He didn’t want to screw up any chance they had with you. It wasn’t like how they started dating. You’re a hybrid and courting is a big thing for mates. They couldn’t rush this. It had to be at a steady pace, it had to be perfect.

“But what if she doesn’t come to us about it Joonie? She’s never had this much control in her life, she won’t know how to do this. I don’t want to control her at all but what if we just give her a nudge into the right direction?” Jimin whines. He knew Namjoon was right but his patience was the worst out of them all, he knew he’d get too antsy.

“We may have to but right now we wait and see baby. Only time will tell.”

—

It had gone past midnight when you left your room, unfortunately your anxiety riddled mind had kept you awake, the thoughts of losing the boys, not being good enough for them plagued you. But also your fears of going back to your previous owner. Having to endure the mental and physical abuse day in and day out. The pure torment. You couldn’t go back to it. Especially not after seeing what life truly can be like. You just couldn’t do it.

You had to speak to them, go back to your healing, you couldn’t lose them, push them away.

You hesitantly tip-toe towards a room. Jungkook’s room. Despite being in a seven person relationship, sometimes they liked to have their own space or take turns sharing the master bedroom bed.

You stand in front of his room, contemplating whether or not if you should knock. You didn’t want to disturb him, you were about to turn around and go back to your room but if it was Jungkook had a 6th sense and knew you were there, his door suddenly opening, a yawning Jungkook stood there, a look of surprise when he realized it was you at the door not one of the boys like he thought it to have been.

“Y/N? Hey, Sweet girl, are you okay? Is something the matter?”He asks softly, almost cooing at your sweater paws and doe eyes staring at him nervously. You shuffle in your spot, toying with your hands as you murmur shyly,

“I-I can’t sleep…didn’t know what to do. D-Did I disturb you? I-I’m sorry I’ll go.”

Jungkook quickly shakes his head and holds his hand out for you to take, he didn’t want to startle you and grab your hand, he reminds himself of what Namjoon had said. ‘Let her be in control’.

You slowly place your hand in his and you almost purr from glee from the feeling, you hadn’t touched them or let them touch you since you nested with them.

“You have nothing to be sorry for baby, do you wanna come in? Maybe trying sleeping in here so you aren’t by yourself? I can sleep on the floor if that will make you more comfortable?” He asks, slowly guiding you into his room, his breath hitching as you whisper,

“A-Actually…c-could you nest with me instead? I-I think that’ll help…”

He could have screamed with joy at your proposition. You were starting to take initiation, no matter how small it may be, it was a start and it excited him.

“Of course, do you need anything to build your nest? Help yourself to whatever you want baby.” He smiles standing aside to let you do what you needed to do. And so you began, grabbing any item that smelt of the boys, shirts, blankets, hoodies, you grabbed them all and carefully built your nest. You wanted it to be perfected, it needed to be. The urge inside you wanting to impress your mate but you had no idea that no matter what you did, Jungkook would always be impressed.

“In.” Was all you said once you had finished, patting the place beside you in the middle of the nest. A teasing smile appears on Jungkook’s face, playfully crossing his arms and pretending to think.

“In? You want me to get in? I don’t know…” He teases making you huff and pout at him, glaring.

“Kookie…” You whine in frustration making him laugh and shaking his head. You were just to cute to not tease.

“Okay, okay, I’m coming in now.” He coos, and carefully lays in your nest, allowing you to move him to where you wanted, a content smile on his face as you curl up into the side of him, purring and chuffing. You really were just a cat.

“Thank you Jungkook, for this…for all of you putting up with me.” You say quietly, closing your eyes in attempt to try and fall asleep. But it still felt like something was missing, like you need something more to fall asleep.

“We’re putting up with nothing Little one, we’re here because we want to be, because care for you and want to help you in anyway we can alright?” He yawns, playing with your hair and pouting noticing your fidgeting.

“Still can’t get comfortable to sleep Sweet girl? Is something playing on your mind?” He asks softly, tilting his head as you nod and sit up to look at him.

“Feels like something is missing…” You practically cry out.

Jungkook thinks before a thought pops into his head, sitting up with you and hesitantly asking,

“Do you reckon it’s the rest of the boys that’s missing baby? Is that what it is?”

You nod slowly as you realize that yes, it was what was missing, what you needed. You need all seven of them in your nest, all your mates but it felt too selfish to do. You had already disturbed Jungkook, you couldn’t wake the rest.

“B-But I don’t wanna wake them. That’d be unfair.” You pout before going to lay back down.

“It’s okay, don’t worry we’ll find another way to help make you sleep…why don’t we read? We’ll go sit downstairs and I’ll start teaching you, how does that sound?” He proposes and a smile appears on your face as you nod. You liked the sound of that.

—

Namjoon sighs as he sits down on the couch, the house is filled with silence as everyone sleeps, the only sound is the clock ticking away. It was late. Just past one in the morning and Namjoon couldn't sleep. Tossing and turning all night, his stress taking a toll on him.

Whilst Hoseok was embarking on his investigation of your abusers, Namjoon had started his own. He was determined to find who this inside person was, doing the cover-up on your documentation and who knows how many more Hybrids and was proving to be challenging. So far he couldn't find a single thing. Not a single speck of dirt on any of his employees, he was close to hitting a dead end but he refused to give up, hoping that eventually, he'll find something.

Anything, even if it was the tiniest bit of evidence. He couldn't let these Hybrids down. He couldn't let you down. He prided himself in protecting and providing for Hybrids in need and built his whole career on it. His whole business. But right now he felt like he was failing. He was angry, ashamed, and guilty that he allowed someone so dirty to work for him, allowed them to slip through the security checks he so thoroughly does but clearly not thorough enough.

Namjoon stares at the blank screen of the television, his head quickly turning as he hears a creak of the floor boards before relaxing when he sees the two pairs of doe eyes he's grown to adore so much staring back at his exhausted figure.

"Baby. Princess. What are you two doing up?" He asks quietly, tilting his head as he sees an alphabetical book tight in your grasp, his heart skipping a beat at the pouts on both of your faces. He swore your pout could challenge his youngest boyfriends.

"We could ask you the same Joonie. Little one here, couldn't sleep so she decided to nest with me in hopes it'd help but it didn't so we were going to sit down here so I could teach her how to read." Jungkook explains giving Namjoon a concerned smile.

"I couldn't sleep either Princess, it's okay it happens to us all sometimes. Come here, why don't both of us teach you hm?" Namjoon says tiredly, letting out a yawn and stretching.

"B-But you're tired. I don't want to be a burden to you. Y-You've been working a lot Namjoonie." You whisper shyly, shuffling in your place. Out of all the boys, Namjoon intimidated you the most. You weren't scared of him. You could never be with how caring he is but he just screamed alpha of the house to you with how much authority he held.

Namjoon all but smiles softly at you, shaking his head as he pats the spot on the couch beside him, inviting you both to join him as he says reassuringly,

"Nonsense. You could never be a burden Babygirl, now let's read this book shall we?"

You nod and both you and Jungkook sit down, you sandwiched in between them both as Namjoon takes the book and opens it, beginning to teach you each letter, even going as far as getting a notebook out so you could even practice writing.

“Is everything making sense so far Princess? Tell us if you need to go over something again okay?” Namjoon asks after a little while, smiling when he looks over to you when he gets no reply and finds that you had finally fallen asleep, pen almost slipping of your hand.

“She’s so cute.” Jungkook chuckles, taking the pen out of your hand and looking over to Namjoon as he bookmarks the book and closes it.

“She is. How come she couldn’t sleep?” Namjoon asks leaning back into the couch and carefully laying your head down on his lap as Jungkook places your feet on his.

“I think she’s starting to accept or come to terms that we’re her mates, she couldn’t sleep because all of us weren’t in the nest, she was so frustrated but she didn’t want to wake any of you up.” Jungkook smiles, rubbing up and down your calf. Namjoon chuckles and looks down at you, adoringly before he gets an idea.

“I have an idea, Jungkook wake the boys up, try and make a nest and a nest big enough for us all in the master bedroom, we’re going to do what she wanted, have us all in a nest, I think it’ll be a nice surprise for her in the morning when she wakes up.”

And so Jungkook did. He woke each of them up, explaining to them what was happening, bright smiles on all their faces as they worked together to build the nest, hearts fluttering as Namjoon carries you into the room and places you in the middle of them all, love filling the room as you all filled the nest, snuggled up together, content smiles on your faces as you all slept. Even Namjoon managed to fall asleep at last. Peaceful and happy.

Unaware of what was coming.

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663 notes · View notes

bts-hyperfixation · 11 months

Text

Outside of the fox

Part 15 of ? 2816 words

Y/N longs for a new life when the one she'd been living comes to an abrupt stop. Without much thought to those she is leaving behind, the little fox packs a backpack and disappears. She stumbles across the shelter and makes an interim home for herself while she works out exactly what she wants from her second chance.

Last

"So the good news is we won't require surgery to reset the break, but that cast is going to need to stay on for a couple of months." Jin says, gesturing to a barely comprehensible X-ray.

Namjoon nods, taking a close look at the break presented to you all. Jungkook cuddles in close to Jimin's uninjured side and scents him gently.

"So are we okay to go home today?" Yoongi asks. "Don't want to miss out on the holiday if we can help it."

"Yes, absolutely, I've just got a bit more paperwork to follow up on and we need to set a date for a review of the damage but then you folks are free to go back to your holiday merriment, although might I suggest no more tree climbing?" Jin answers.

"Of course Doctor, thank you so much." Namjoon shakes the man's hand. "Right, I don't think we all need to be here for discharge, a couple of us should head back in the first car."

"I'll take Hobi and Taehyung back to the house. Y/N do you want to come with us?" Yoongi suggests.

"With Jimin an arm down I think I'll need to drive won't I? If you're taking Tae?"

Taehyung had driven the second car originally, the main pack in one car, friends and associates in the other."

"Sure, that makes sense. We will meet you back at the hovel." Yoongi grabs his jacket.

He pulls the keys from the pocket and signals for the other two men to follow him out of the room. Obediently they get up and mutter 'See you soon's as they exit. Doctor Jin produces a form for Jimin to sign, which he does, shakily with his non-dominant hand.

"Okay Jimin, I want to see you in two months, is there a better day for you?" Jin asks

"No work is pretty amenable, whatever works best for you." the red panda responds, already gathering his items, eager to leave the hospital.

"Wonderful, in which case we will see you on February 23rd at 2:00 pm." Jin hands over a small appointment slip to Namjoon.

Immediately the bear hands the paper off to Jungkook, a practised manoeuvre knowing he would likely lose such a small item easily.

Each of you says your goodbyes and make your way towards the door but Jungkook lingers fidgeting back and forth on his feet.

"Is everything okay Jungkook?" Jin inquires.

The bunny chews at his lip, clearly nervous. Like he is debating whether he should say what he really wants to.

"Bun?" Namjoon prods.

"Aaaa...re you really going to spend tomorrow... alone?" Jungkook asks.

"That's my plan Jungkook, yes. But don't feel sorry for me. I'm quite used to spending time by myself for holidays." The doctor reassures him.

But the statement seems to only distress Jungkook further. He whines lowly at the thought of the doctor having to be alone. He looks between you, Namjoon, and Jimin trying to hint at the idea forming in his head, however, none of you seems to be on the same wavelength as him today. He waits to see if any of you catch up with him, to no avail. Eventually, he just leans into Namjoon's side and whispers in his ear.

The bear's mouth makes a small 'o' shape as he finally catches on. Jungkook's ears have gone bright red and he turns his face into the crook of Namjoon's shoulder in order to hide from view.

"Doctor, it would seem our youngest packmate would like to invite you to our winter solstice activities tomorrow." Namjoon explains.

"That would be lovely, but I couldn't intrude on your family's day like that."

"That's okay, we have lots of outsiders this year!" Jimin provides.

It's obvious he is trying to be encouraging, but the word outsiders hits you like ice running down your spine. Because no matter how much you like being around the family and how much they claim to like you around, 'outsiders' includes you.

"But it's so short notice, I wouldn't want to take away from what you've already prepared for yourselves." the doctor refuses politely again.

You can hear Jungkook growling a little into Namjoon's collar but it's not clear if Jin can hear it yet.

"We insist doctor, please join us." Namjoon strokes Jungkook's back to calm him.

"I suppose I could drop by if you really do insist."

Namjoon writes down your address on the back of an appointment card along with a rough time for when dinner is planned and finally, you leave the hospital. The drive back to the house is quiet. Jungkook is asleep on one side of Namjoon in the back seat, and Jimin is staring happily out of the window at the scenery from the passenger seat.

It's late when you pull into the driveway. Jungkook runs ahead back to the house as Namjoon helps Jimin to clamber out of the car. They really are so well-entwined with one another. You can tell without looking that Yoongi is waiting at the door with Jungkook wrapped in his arms carefully watching his pack to make sure they are okay.

You turn off the engine and take a deep breath feeling the tiredness in your bones. All you want is to slip into bed and pass out but if you don't get the smell of the hospital out of your hair you'll never be able to settle.

Yoongi waits for you to trail in behind the others before locking the door and checking the latch is secured. He leans over instinctively to scent you as you walk past surprising you a little, it's not something he has ever done before. If he notices you flinch a little he doesn't mention it and neither do you.

You hand the keys on the hook and traipse up the stairs into your room only to be met with a nearly nude Taehyung. Water drips from his hair as the precariously balanced towel around his hips threatens to fall when he moves.

"Sorry, I thought I might have a little more time to get dressed." He supplies.

"That's okay, I'm going for a shower anyway, I'll just grab my clothes and leave you to it."

"Dang, if I knew you were going to shower maybe I would've waited... could've saved some water." He winks

"How eco-friendly of you." You roll your eyes

"Very concerned for the environment me." He flashes you his widest smile.

You quickly grab your pj's and escape from the room that was suddenly stiflingly hot.

The water is not as warm as you would've liked but it still feels good washing the clinical smell down the drain and replacing it with soft florals.

You take your time to dry off, moisturizing correctly for maybe the first time in your life, hoping to come across a fully dressed Taehyung when you return this time.

The panda is tucked up in bed when you return, waiting for you so he can turn the lamp off. You bid each other good night and find sleep easily after the chaos of the day.

___________________

Everyone seems to sleep in the next morning Jimin being the last to emerge from his bedroom at 11 with half-brushed hair and lidded eyes. Jungkook had already told you all how difficult the redhead had found it to sleep with the pain and awkwardness of the cast. Yoongi set a full English breakfast in front of him and started fussing with the messy parts of his hair.

"Can we do presents now?" Hobi asks.

The human is as excited as a child about the prospect of starting today's festivities. He has been bouncing off the walls since nine waiting for everyone to wake up so they could start. Evidently his family never really celebrated the holiday.

"Let Jimin eat first Jagiya," Yoongi says affectionately, reaching out to cup Hobi's face.

He pouts but does as he is told, busying himself by taking hold of Yoongi's outstretched and playing with the fingers.

Jimin makes quick work of the food, looking forward to having enough food in his stomach to be able to take his next painkiller. Taehyung swipes up the plate as soon as it's empty and washes it before anyone can protest.

"Alright, who is opening presents first?" The panda asks as he flicks the water off his hands.

You move into the lounge, a tight fit for the seven of you but you make it work. Hobi squishes next to Yoongi on an armchair. Jimin and Namjoon naturally gravitate to either side of Jungkook and Taehyung sits on the floor closest to the presents. You slot yourself in across from Tae to complete the circle and then he hands out presents.

You decide it best to open all of your presents at the same time to save the embarrassment of having everyone watching each other react.

Each present was clearly well thought out and matched personalities well. Obviously, some were a little generic like Taehyung's for example, but they were thoughtful nonetheless. Jimin bought you a book you had been talking about, and Jungkook had made you a painting of his favourite spot in the backyard. Yoongi bought you a gift card to the restaurant you had both visited the other day. And Namjoon bought you a new stationary set that he said reminded him of you, something about the purple colour reminding him of your lavender scent. Hobi bought everyone a matching sweater.

Taehyung's gift surprised you. It was a bottle of your favourite perfume, and expensive bottle that you had decided you couldn't leave behind in your old life. A bottle that was getting dangerously close to empty but there was no way Tae could've known that when he bought the present. You look up to see him already looking at you.

"It's the correct one yeah? If it's not we can return it and purchase the right. It's the one you were wearing the first day we met." He says as if he hadn't just spent £100 on you.

You nod and glance down at the bottle, an inscription that you had missed is etched into the silver ring.

'To my favourite fox."

You don't notice the jealous looks around the room as the boys abandon their openings to look at the ornate bottle in your hands.

"Don't look so sour boys, you haven't opened my presents to you yet." Taehyung gestures to the boxes in front of them.

The men around the room shake off their jealousy long enough to tear the wrapping paper from each gift. Each man is met with a matching bottle a cologne that compliments each other one in the room.

"I hope I guessed right, I was going off descriptions of each of your personalities supplied by Y/N. She talks about you guys a lot you know? It feels like I've known you forever."

"Taehyung this is very sweet but it's too much." Namjoon states, getting ready to wrap the bottle back up.

"Of course it's not too much. Courting gifts should be extravagant and meaningful shouldn't they?" Taehyung says matter of factly as if everyone had missed the very obvious point.

Each established member of the pack looked at one another confused, while you just blinked owlishly at your coworker.

"Typically extravagant isn't a necessary criterion," Yoongi stated, not sure what else to say.

The jackal turned the expensive bottle in his hands, finding the engraving on his own bottle.

'To the fierce protector, I wish to put at ease.' Was inscribed around the top of the bottle.

Each bottle had its own unique phrase.

"Tae, I don't want this to sound... ungrateful... but how did you afford this as a mail room boy?" You ask, setting the bottle gently to the side.

"Wait you think I'm the mail boy?" Taehyung tilts his head confused.

"Well? yeah. The only thing I see you do at work is deliver mail and talk to people." You shrug.

"That hilarious." Taehyung laughs until tears roll down his cheeks as the rest of you wait to be let in on the joke. "Y/N don't you think I would've been fired by now if I were just the mailboy? Like I'm a terrible employee"

"So what do you do then?" Jungkook asks him, sitting on the edge of his seat.

The bunny's fingers rub across his own perfume, tracing the letters absently.

'To the bunny I want to promise the world.'

"I own the company." He states as if it's no big deal. "Well my dad does, I will soon though."

You each glance between the bottles and him and then all the eyes in the room land on you.

"How could you not know that Y/N?" Hobi asks.

You shrug hoping to move the conversation back to the point.

"Did you say these were courting gifts?" You shift attention back to Taehyung.

"The first of many." He confirms

"You realise that's insane right?" Yoongi says. "We literally met you yesterday."

"Not true, we met two days ago." Taehyung points out as if that makes it any more normal.

Typically courting doesn't begin until you've known someone for at least a few weeks, maybe been on a date or two. For Taehyung to decide to court a stranger was beyond odd. To want to court 6 people that weren't already intrinsically linked? That was insanity.

The faces around the room showed a complete range of human emotions. Jimin looked thrilled with the prospect. Namjoon and Yoongi looked concerned, and Jungkook looked a little terrified. Hobi just sat there quiet and confused, barely having been opened up to the concept of courting Yoongi and now facing the potential of another man to court if not an entire pack.

"I'm sorry have I overstepped? We can just call them friendship presents if that puts you more at ease. It's just between the notes and what Y/N says about you, it felt as though I already knew you. And I know for a fact courting Y/N will be easier if I'm also courting the other men vying for her attention."

Taehyung is a very smart man. His decisions always seem to be uncalculated and messy but they always have solid reasoning behind them. Normally it's quite interesting to watch his solution to a majority of problems he encounters. Today however just left you flustered and perplexed.

The subject is dropped when there are three sharp raps on the front door.

"We should talk about this more, maybe after the holiday," Namjoon suggests rising from his seat.

Before the bear can even move for the door, Jungkook raced past him to reveal the stunning Dr. Jin standing on the porch.

The hospital lab coat does him no justice. He is wearing a simple maroon crew neck jumper, on anyone else it might look average, but on him he looked like an idol, golden complexion and broad shoulders only accentuating the look.

"I'm so glad you should make it doctor." Namjoon shakes the man's hand as he joins Jungkook at the door.

The doctor produces a carrier of wine and gives it to Joon.

"Thank you for the gracious invite. Please call me Jin though not Doctor."

"Of course Jin. Please make yourself comfortable, we were just tidying up before dinner."

The bear gives you all a look that has you all springing from your seats to rush to clean up the wrapping paper scattered across the floor. Yoongi leaves the mess with the three of you left in the living room and turns on all of the pots ready to finish making the lunchtime feast.

__________________

Masterlist

Notes:

I'm not going to apologise again for being MIA 😂. I am going to say I'm probably going to go MIA again. It is unintentional and I will always come back usually within two to four weeks. Hope everyone's having a good spring getting ready for a summer. I know I'm excited because it's only 8 more weeks of school and then I can fly to my home country (don't worry, I'm the teacher not the student)

So I've split this chapter in half because I was rambling on and I just wanted to get something out.

Also if you guys want to know the rest of inscriptions let me know and I can put them in the comments. I can't fit them in to the actual fic at the minute and they may never come up again honestly.

Like the only way I can organically think to fit the minute any point is if after this finishes I do either a breakup or a marriage one shot...

#bts fic #bts smut #polyamorous bts #kpop smut #kpop fic #jungkook smut #namjoon smut #taehyung smut #jimin smut #yoongi smut #jin smut #hoseok smut #hybrid bts #bts hybrid

113 notes · View notes

amidstnamjin-and-binchanlix · 10 months

Text

how long can you stand the heat || ot7

Warnings: Uhhh, none I think? Non-graphical smut and slight angst, but that's pretty much it for now since I'm still crafting the next part, and some curse words lmao.

I won't control you, but MDNI. This is not for you, please.

Pairings: OT7/(F) Reader, Jackson Wang/(F) Reader

Plot: The one where your soulmates don't want you in their life, so you give them what they want and stay out of their way.

Genre: not really unrequited love (but they're all idiots), mutual pining, angst, denial of feelings, poly ot7

How do you think I'm going to get along

Without you when you're gone?

You took me for everything that I had

And kicked me out on my own.

Are you happy? Are you satisfied?

How long can you stand the heat?

Out of the doorway the bullets rip

To the sound of the beat.

mixtape: all i have left to give - part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - ending 1

I originally posted this on ao3 last April but I've just recently thought, "why not post this on tumblr now that i'm using it again after a few years?"

this fic is v self-serving, and was brought to you by my ✨maladaptive daydreams✨

first fic i posted here. idek what im doing but lezzgawwww

Title obviously came from AOBTD. Thank you, Sir John Deacon. You are heaven-sent for making this iconic and legendary bop.

This will be a part of a multi-fic series and i've already crafted 80/90-ish% of the next part im so sorry my mind isn't cooperating rn

✨️

God must be testing your patience.

I mean sure, you might not also be sure that there is indeed a god out there somewhere. However, you must have pissed off some deity or you had pissed on some old man of the mound. Either way, you don't care. You're pissed off now, too.

You see when they rejected you and asked (read: avoided you like the plague until Sejin spoke with you) not to speak or interact with them, you respected their wishes. It stung, but it's not really surprising.

It's not a secret that the seven of them are soulmates, polyamorous soulbonds not even a rarity in and out of the industry. However, it's also not a secret that they're very exclusive and don't let too many (if any) other people in their circle because of the things they had to endure as a group. It makes sense that they wouldn't want a new person intruding and messing with their dynamics, soulmate or not.

(deep down you want to say it doesn't make sense. you're their soulmate, why can't they accept you like that? but there's still nothing you can do, isn't there?)

And so, you delegated all your tasks related to their group to your most trusted employees completely and avoided them at all costs. And by 'at all costs', you mean everything. You even deleted all their songs on your playlists and blocked them on social media (even on Spotify). You can co-exist with them without interacting, although it makes your chest ache through the bond because of the soul rejection like a 24/7 acid relapse.

It's fine. You can ignore all that. You can handle rejection. You've been used to this since you were a kid; adult you can handle this.

Soul rejection side effects? Nothing meds and doctors can't fix. Technology has never been more advanced and all that jazz.

You're a mature person, and you pride yourself on that. You don't like confrontations that much and would rather step back as much as you can to disengage. If your soulmates don't want anything to do with you, then you'll back off.

But you sometimes wonder if they can feel it too, the soul strings fraying and slowly decaying. After shit went down, it's bouts of nausea and dizziness, and constant chest aches for you. That's not even half of it. It'll take a whole day for you to list all your symptoms.

If they do feel it, does it add to their list of reasons why they hate your existence? You mean, they had been borderline antagonistic since your first meeting, cold but civil at best.

It was a contrast to the way the tiny soul marks on each of your fingers glowed on your first meeting even until after Taehyung and Yoongi fled in what you can guess is disbelief and refusal, the others following suit. The warmth in your hands felt scorching, and you had never wanted to scrub them with water in your life then more than you ever did, your chest beating hard and painfully. You remember feeling like someone slashed your insides with a hot knife, and it has never stopped being in pain ever since.

What else were you supposed to think other than they hate you?

Not wanting to risk another embarrassing conversation with Sejin (bless his heart), you decided to book an appointment and signed up for the relatively new soul-scraping therapy. It's still in its human trial stages and is slowly being recognized as a way of severing soul ties, albeit not approved and sanctioned by the government. Anything to give and honor their wishes. They're your soulmates, and it's innate in you to give people what they want.

(or was it really just that?)

All of that and everything else, you can take. You live and abide by your life motto to stay out of drama, so you take all of it in stride and with dignity because it's all you have left at this point when it comes to them.

This is where you got pissed off, though. This day takes the cake, this sodding party.

Attending the party was certainly not your idea. You're tired from the long-ass meetings you had today—JYP's team asked for a meeting for your agreement with Day6 since Sungjin got discharged a few months ago with Younghyun following suit in a few days. A party is definitely not on your to-do list. If it's up to you, you'll be going home to your phone and fics.

(and if they're bangtan fics, nobody has to know. this, you can let yourself have—you were advised against going cold turkey from them by the doctors handling the soul-scraping therapy, after all. if you can't have them, maybe you can at least indulge in fictional them.)

You have been minding your own business since you arrived at the bar. It's laughable how socially inept you are despite handling your business and meeting the entertainment industry's biggest names and leaders regularly. When being put in parties and other gigs that force you to socialize just for the sake of socializing, you're back to being the fat loser kid that avoided making new friends because the ones you previously had in childhood (if you can really call them that) can't understand how your brain and mouth work. Frankly, you don't, too, so you just preferred to stay in one corner until it's socially acceptable to go home.

"Hey." Jackson squeezes your hand in his and smiles worriedly at you. "You doing okay?"

Jackson had been a long-time friend and is someone you trust your whole life with. Jackson had seen you through your bests and worsts, but had never once turned his back on you or betrayed you as many people did.

Yeah, you would trust him with your whole life. Your panties too, but don't tell him that.

(there's no need to because he knows; he did lots of times before, with his face between your thighs and your undies in his pocket.)

"I'm good." You don't even bother smiling, knowing it won't convince him too much. He knows your stand on parties; you're his polar opposite, after all. "I just really wanna go home."

"Can I come with?" he asks with a salacious smile.

You roll your eyes.

"Stop being horny for five minutes, please."

"You shouldn't have worn that dress, then." He rakes you with an assessing look. "On second thought, that's the best decision you did tonight so far. If you're not going home with anyone tonight, my room's open."

"You up to be my wingman?" you ask.

"Sure. I'll sit with you all night so we can look like a swinger couple scouting for a third we can take home." He waggles his eyebrows.

You snort at that with an amused chuckle, oblivious to the glare(s) directed your way by—who else?—your soulmates.

They (Taehyung) heard from Manager Sejin and Noona Ae-cha that you're not sure if you can come. They didn't know why the two were talking about you, but Taehyung tried to act immersed in his phone while eavesdropping.

Apparently, you had been stuck in the boardroom almost all day with the back-to-back meetings, and you even had to cancel your doctor's appointment. For what the appointment is for, he didn't know. It explains your absence that day, and he files the information away at the back of his head. He can't for the life of him understand why he can't stop trying to spot crumbs about you.

(he does know, but he's in denial about why—and he'll deny both.)

He then told his hyungs and Jungkook, which they just nodded at, seemingly uninterested. But if Namjoon's faraway serious look at times is anything to go by or the way Jimin picks at the skin on his lips as he's lost in thought, he's pretty sure they are also subtly trying to figure out if you're coming.

(but they'll all deny that if asked.)

They haven't seen you that much since they started actively avoiding you months ago and shut down whatever soul link you have with them, and you are damn good at trying to stay out of their way.

It surprised them, they're not gonna lie. They expected you to put up a fight, but all Manager Sejin told them was that you agreed. You never interacted with them ever since unless it was really needed, and you were always wearing your rings and not making unnecessary eye contact even once.

(and that somehow pisses them off and itches under their skin because how dare you not be interested?)

And now you've been here for the past hour or so, Jackson Wang in tow. Or rather, Jackson has his arms alternately snaked around yours or slung around your shoulders. It makes Jackson look like a frat douchebag.

(and it makes taehyung look jealous and interested in you which he is so not, no.)

Hoseok was the first one to spot you arriving, Another One Bites The Dust thumping through the dancefloor that was bathed in red lights. He nudges Namjoon from his seat in their secluded and swanky VIP room that was separated one floor above the bar proper.

"There she is", he says then, gesturing towards you as all seven pairs of eyes land on you as you enter with Jackson. "She's with Wang."

With varying levels of internal turmoil, they all watch as Jackson led you through the throngs of people, presumably to another room like theirs. They see you shake your head and point to the bar, and Jackson's face light up with a wide smile before redirecting your steps.

Yoongi asks himself why you have to wear that dress or why Jackson has to clutch at your hands like a little kid, the others having a similar train of thought. Does Jackson think he's going to be lost in this bar? Is he that plain stupid to be lost in this bar, really?

And why are you letting him?

Jimin tries not to let his eyes wander on your legs, tries not to let his mind wander back to the thought of being choked by your thick supple legs and ripping that off-shoulder dress off you and—

Oh. Woah, there.

Stop it! he thinks to himself and shakes his head.

(this is not the first time he's thought of this, darling. when he first saw those smooth and lovely-looking plump thighs, he knows he was fucked.)

Jin is no better, but he hides it better than the others. After all, it was not his idea to shut you out like that. He was opposed to it and tried to talk some sense into the others, but they didn't listen. He thought back then that Namjoon would at least be reasonable and give you a shot but nooo, the kid was stupid enough to listen to others.

Let them have what they want, then.

(he can feel the pit and longing in his chest some nights and thinks that maybe he can let the others do what they want but still do what he wants too. but he takes a look at the six men who had been there for him through thick and thin, and he can't lose them. he sends you an apology mentally, hoping you can at least feel it through the bond.)

"Calm down," Jin tells them levelly, trying to pry the glass off Namjoon's hand, lest he crushes it and injures himself. "You're crushing the poor thing, Joonie. Don't wanna end up in the ER, do you?"

Jackson's the one to end up in the ER if he doesn't unwrap his arms from your shoulders, that's who, Namjoon thinks to himself bitterly before he can stop himself.

Jin leans back on his seat and watches as you laugh with Jackson, arms slung around your shoulders as the latter listens to you talk. They all wouldn't have to seethe in barely contained anger if they just listened to him though, so who's at fault here?

Aish, these brats.

"I'm going to get more drinks," Jungkook suddenly says, disentangling himself from Taehyung fluidly.

"You can just ask them," Namjoon says, pointing towards the glass doors where their security detail is posed out of the room. "There's no need to go out."

"I'm going to get more drinks," Jungkook repeats firmly, ignoring him. Namjoon's jaw clenches. "Come help me, Jin-hyung?"

Ah, this conniving brat. Jin wants to kiss his pouty lips for this.

"Sure," Jin says easily, much to Namjoon's annoyance. He pats Namjoon's cheeks gently. "No breaking the glass, Joon-ah. We have a photoshoot tomorrow."

He pulls Jungkook out of the room before any of them can disagree further. He loops his arm around Jungkook's petite waist, nodding once to the man stationed at the door.

"You're not just getting drinks at you, aren't you?" Jin asks as they descend the steps.

"I don't know what you're talking about, hyung." Jungkook's smile is sharp. "I just don't wanna get roofied and end up on the tabloids tomorrow, is all."

"You don't have to lie to me," Jin says, kissing his hair. "I wanna see her, too."

Jungkook's smile turns sad at that.

"I just don't understand. [Name]-noona seems like a nice person. They're all being stupid."

Jin has to agree. "But you know why we have to, right? I don't like it, too, but we have no choice."

"But we do!" Jungkook insists. "We can be friends, even."

"Friends don't fuck friends." Jungkook snorts at that. "There's nothing 'friends' about wanting her with us, Jungkook."

"Friends don't fuck friends, my ass," Jungkook mumble mockingly. "That didn't stop Jackson-hyung at all."

Jin stops momentarily, pulling Jungkook to a stop. "Excuse me?"

"They were having sex last week, hyung. When Jackson-hyung came over last Wednesday."

"Was that why...?"

"Yeah." Jungkook takes his hand as they walk again. "I felt it through the strings, too."

Jungkook is suspiciously not meeting his eyes.

"Jungkook-ah."

"What?" he asks innocently. Jin's lips pull into a smirk.

"You naughty cat!"

"I—what? No!" but Jungkook is still not meeting his eyes. "I didn't watch them."

Jin gasps delightedly.

"This is so much better. I didn't even say anything yet!"

Ah, fuck.

In Jungkook's defense, he hadn't meant to listen in. But he had been on his way back to the practice room from relieving his screaming bladder when he heard it. The warmth and arousal that was definitely not his he had been ignoring since that lunchtime was not helping his curiosity.

"Ah!" And oh shit, it's someone moaning and it's you.

That explains the arousal he's been feeling. Oh, and the jealousy now (his), too.

"Yeah?" A deeper voice asked breathlessly. Another punched-out moan from you, and the arousal flares in his chest.

Yup. It's definitely his this time.

"Jackson, please," your equally breathless voice pleaded, and the sound shot to his cock. Jungkook had to stop his hand from going south inside his pants and boxers.

A delighted shriek and breathless laugh, followed by a staccato of 'ah ah ah's and hips slapping against each other punctuated the otherwise silent afternoon he was having.

And what would a self-respecting man do?

Stay and listen to you get railed six ways to Sunday, was what he did.

(jungkook didn't say he's a self-respecting man.)

Jungkook slipped his hand inside his pants and boxers and wrapped his hand around his aching cock. He almost moaned at how your moans quickly reached a whole other level of desperation. He wondered and tried to imagine how you would feel around him if he fucked you harder and deeper than Jackson possibly can.

He knows he can.

"Hands, Jackson." There was a chuckle, then your whine was heard. "Baobei, please."

Jungkook heard Jackson's sharp intake of breath, and he had to internally agree. Even speaking Mandarin, you sound so hot.

He heard you mewl with a choked giggle as the sounds of hips to hips got faster.

"You really like my hands, huh?" Jackson asked.

"Mhm. Want them wrapped around my—ah!—neck all the time."

Fuck.

Jungkook had to bite onto his hands as he came, so as not to give his position away, cock spurting on his hands,. Seconds later and he heard you cry out and Jackson grunt to completion.

So, no. He definitely didn't watch.

"You nasty, nasty boy!" Jin cackles at him and he wants to pout. "You listened in to them having sex?!"

"Hyung!" Jungkook hisses. "Not too loud."

Jin snickers at him, mouth pulled in a tempting smirk he wants to kiss. "Was it good?"

"Hyung," he whines. At Jin's unfaltering smirk, he sighs. "It was. She sounds so good, hyung. I can't take it off my mind."

"Maybe later, we can do something about that." Jin says with a low hum.

He peers at Jin's eyes and almost shudders at the dark and hungry look in them. Jin squeezes his waist, and it takes Jungkook's breath away.

In his silence, Jin nods with a hum.

"Hm, definitely later."

He won't say no to that. If they can't have you, Jungkook's gonna take what he can get, even if it means settling on replaying your moans in his head.

When they reach the bar, you are still sitting at the other end with Jackson. They are careful not to be seen by you or you'll probably leave like you always do when they get within your 10-foot vicinity.

Then Jackson puts his hand on your slightly exposed leg. He feels the others' jealousy through the bond first before he feels his own, and he sees you stiffen in your seat.

Hyungs!

Jungkook quickly looks away, but not before Jackson catches his gaze. He completely misses the way Jackson's mouth pulls into a quick smirk as their drinks are thankfully served at that exact moment.

"Wanna head back to your place?"

You're unexpectedly suddenly close, and it's like Jackson wants him and Jin to hear to rile them up. It works, and he can barely tamp down the urge to pour the drinks over Jackson's big head, being older be damned.

"Sure. I'll just swing by the restroom." You say as you walk away. Jin and Jungkook take that as their cue to go back to their ritzy room.

"That was short," Jin says tightly as they go back. "Was it you?"

Jungkook shakes his head.

Jin's lips quirk into an amused smile.

"Ah, jealous bastards."

"Weren't you too, though?" Jungkook asks with a slightly amused smile of his own. "That was... that was intense."

"That serves them," Jin says as they near the room. "If they weren't just pigheaded, it's my shoulders her legs are gonna be hanging from later."

"Jin-hyung!" Jungkoo huffs, but then deflates. "Yeah."

"Don't worry, we still have later," Jin says with a lascivious smirk.

And he can't complain about that, can he?

"Where's Tae-hyung?" he asks when they enter the room, Taehyung nowhere in sight.

"Went out. Didn't say where." Hoseok says as he accepts their drinks and puts the tray on the table. It takes a few seconds for him to piece it all together, and he mentally facepalms.

"Whatever happened to 'not giving a fuck' about [Name]?" he mumbles.

"Jungkook," Namjoon warns.

It sets him off.

"What? Are you all really going to keep on pretending? You do realize I felt that back there too, right?" he shoots back.

"So the drinks were just a ruse?" Namjoon's face is stormy.

Jungkook holds his gaze steady. "And what if it was? You all know what I felt about this since day one."

"Kook-ah." It's Jimin this time. "Not now, please."

"And when, hyung? When we go back to just pretending an eighth of our soul doesn't exist out there?"

"Jungkook."

He glares at Yoongi. "No, hyung. If you all want to be stupid, I don't! [Name]-noona is going through therapy because of this, don't you know?"

Yoongi scoffs. "She's a big girl, she can handle herself."

"Not soul-scraping therapy, she won't."

They all stop at that. Even Jungkook stops and internally curses.

Fuck, he wasn't supposed to say that.

"What did you say?" Namjoon's voice takes on a dangerous tone.

He huffs but stays silent, not really wanting to dig a deeper hole for himself.

"Jungkook."

"I talked to Jiho-hyung, okay? I bumped into him five months ago when he visited her."

Silence.

"Im Jiho?" At Jungkook's nod, Namjoon's frown deepened. "I didn't know he practices soul-scraping."

"He's co-authoring the soul-scraping study with Doctor Seong."

At the mention of one of their previous soul health doctors, Yoongi raises his eyebrows.

"Our Doctor Seong?"

Jungkook nods with a sigh, plopping down beside Hoseok. "Apparently, it's why he stopped private practice—to focus on the studies. They're also lobbying for fully legalizing soul-scraping in the Assembly. I ran into him, and he mentioned that he was there for noona's side effects from the therapy."

Side effects?

Shit.

"W-wait. Five months, you said?" Jin says with a tremble in his voice. "Is that why I can barely feel her anymore?"

Jungkook's sigh is pained, forlorn. "Apparently, yeah."

They all lapse in complete silence after that, the thumping of the beat on the dancefloor faint through the walls.

"Fuck."

Indeed.

It is then that Taehyung comes back. He takes one look at their varying degrees of solemn and stunned expressions and tilts his head.

"What? What happened?" he asks.

"[Name]..."

Taehyung's eyes widen before his expression smooths into indifference.

"I told you, I'm no—"

"That's not it," Jimin says softly. "She's in soul-scraping therapy, Taehyung-ah."

...

"What?"

(oh, lord. you don't know the turmoil you caused all these pining idiots, darling.)

---

And what about you?

As we said in the beginning, god must be testing your patience.

"Hey," Jackson says softly. He lifts your chin with a gentle smile long after Taehyung fucked off to god knows where. "You good, baobei?"

You didn't even know they were here. You were vaguely aware that yeah, they might be, but it totally slipped your mind. Meetings really did drain your brain.

When you stood up and went to the restroom while Jackson called for the driver, you didn't know that Taehyung was watching you from their room and completely high-tailed it from there just to intercept you when he saw you stand up from the corner of the bar. You didn't know why, but his stupid drunken ass just decided it wanted and it was a good idea to rile you up.

To piss you off is why, you think.

When you exited the ladies' room, Taehyung was standing there by the wall looking lethal. The ache in your chest flared up for two different reasons, but you ignored it. You ignored him and started walking away, pretending you didn't see him.

"So you're really here."

Seriously?

You continued ignoring him and walked on, but he didn't let you get far.

He grabs your wrist. "I said, you're really here."

The spot where he held you burned and you hissed, cursing the therapy's side effects. You were warned that coming in contact skin-to-skin with your soulmates while undergoing the therapy would feel painful (literally), but you didn't heed it then. You had no reason to touch them after all when they didn't even want to see you.

But it is painful, and it burns.

You yanked your wrist away, hiding your wrist behind your back. There's no need for that, though. Taehyung was looking at your face intently.

"Yes, and I was just leaving. See you around, T—"

"With Jackson?"

What's it with this guy?

You looked back at him and squared your shoulders up. "That's really none of your business, Taehyung."

He laughed with a sneer, shaking his head.

"What would people say if they knew you're off gallivanting with men who aren't your soulmate?"

Wow.

The nerve of this asshole.

You can't let him see it affect you though, so you tilt your head with an innocent smile.

"I'm just a nobody. Why would they talk about me? " You smirked in amusement. "I don't think it'll be me they will talk about since I wasn't the one who rejected my soulmate, was I?"

And oh, shit. Where did that come from, [Name]? Feisty.

"And I'm not doing anything illegal. Why should I be scared?" You slightly lean back and tilt your chin up. "I'm not the one between us with a reputation to uphold, a name I should protect."

You paused, a serene smile on your face.

"I'm not a coward. I'm not you, Taehyung"

The smirk on his lips was replaced with a sharp look of disdain, almost like he wants to slap the smile off your face.

(he wants to, darling. trust me. just not in the way you think.)

You knew you hit a nerve and it feels petty and mean, but it's nothing compared to the loneliness and pain they gave you these past few months. It felt satisfying, even if for just a bit.

"You really think you're all that, don't you?" He smiled almost mockingly. "Tell me, how does it feel to be rejected?"

That really stung and angered you, but you've spent all your life hiding your emotions when needed to. Your expression didn't falter.

"It feels good—"

"—because she dodged a bullet."

You internally sighed in relief as Jackson's voice float behind you. You'll forever be thankful for this man's existence, gods or not.

You melt in his arms when he wrapped them around your waist. You chanced a look at Jackson, not seeing the twitch on Taehyung's brows at your body language.

"You really think you're all that, don't you?" Jackson mocked back at him. "Imagine thinking it's the end of the world for your soulmate just because you shut down their bond." Jackson chuckled ruthlessly.

"You're pathetic, Taehyung-ssi."

The two were locked in a glowering match before Taehyung straightened up and spun on his heel without a word.

Jackson let you get your bearings by the wall of the hallway to the ladies' room in silence. But he didn't let you stew in your thoughts for long.

So now here you are, looking at his gentle eyes.

"You good, baobei?"

You don't know how to answer that really, so you pull him by the collar into a searing kiss.

He puts his hand on your waist, the other on the wall by your face, and you tighten your hold on his collar.

You pull away to gasp for air.

"Take me home," you exhale heavily as you lean your head on his shoulder. "Take me home and fuck me 'til I forget, or I might do something stupid."

Jackson's sharp intake of air is your answer before he pulls you away to your awaiting car outside the club.

---

feedback (constructive, please don't be too rude bc i'll cry) and kudos very much appreciated!

#bts soulmate au #polyamorous bts #soul bonds #kim taehyung u lil shit #soulmate rejection #idek what i'm doing okay i'm so sorry #they're idiots your honor #bts x reader #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook

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namjoonboo · 1 year

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Hi, I love your writing and I was wondering if you could write a poly relationship with Jungkook and Jimin as power bottoms to their younger and shorter boyfriend and they would ride and be verbal with him

Jealousy is such bitch .

Jungkook x jimin x male reader

Warnings: gay poly relationship, power bottom/sub top! Jungkook and jimin, sub dom! Male reader, smut, riding, hardcore(?), male reader being shorter and younger than jungkook and jimin, dense! male reader, male reader is a grade lower than jimin and jungkook, cum denial, chocking, cuddling at the end.

A/N: toes curling while writing this right now. Also, thanks for the request!! I'm really glad you guys like/enjoy my writing<3333

R/n: random name. (It can be any gender)

...

Jimin and jungkook were jealous. Their boyfriend Y/N was talking to R/N. And jimin and jungkook knew that R/N had a crush on you. The way R/N would flirt with you and look down at you biting their lip.

Jimin and jungkook were watching R/N flirt with you way times. But you were very dense. "God!! I hate R/N flirting with our boyfriend!! It makes me furious!!" Jimin said complaining to jungkook.

Jungkook couldn't agree more. Jungkook was tapping his foot waiting for your conversation with R/N to be over. "We have to do something about this.." jungkook said looking to jimin. "Ur right." Jimin said back.

....

"Bye Y/N!!" R/N said to waving to you. "Bye!" You said giving them a small wave. You and R/N were in the same grade while your boyfriends, Jungkook and jimin were a grade up then you. But you didn't know what your boyfriends were planning. You thought R/N was a cool person. Since you were so dense, you didn't think they were flirting with you.

You were walking to your last class of the day. It was currently a friday.

But after your last class, something interesting would happen when you would get to your dorm..

....

You sighed as you unlocked your dorm. You walked inside the place dropping your backpack on the floor and taking off your shoes. "Ahh finally," you said.

You took off your blazer off your uniform and walked to your bedroom. When you unlocked the door on your bedroom, your eyes went wide. You saw jimin and jungkook naked on bed.

You were literally drooling at jimin's and jungkooks naked bodies. "W-what are you guys d-doing here...?" You said looking at them while getting hard.

Jimin smiled at you. "Oh boy~ look what you have done.." jimin said. "H-huh..?" You said back. Jungkook and jimin just got up from your bed and walked up to you.

Jungkook looked down at you and bent down to roughly kiss you on the lips. And jimin bent down and left hickeys on your neck. "M-mmm!~" you said moaning in jungkooks mouth.

Jungkook broke your guys kiss. "Let's get you out of these clothes, Y/N~" jimin said licking his lips. Jimin was taking off your shirt and jungkook was unblucking your belt and taking off your pants.

And you were left with your boxers on. You could feel the painful boner in his boxers. "I'm so c-confused. What did I d-do..?" You said to jimin and jungkook. They both laughed. "Who is this R/N person..?" Jimin said to you forceing you to look at both jimin and jungkook.

"They are just one of my friends!, w-what do you g-guys m-mean..??" You said shaking. "It doesn't seem like it." Jungkook said. "W-w-wha-" You said but you could feel jimin push you down on your bed because you weren't giving the two boys the answer that they want.

You could see jimin and jungkook walking up to your body on the bed. "Just hush." Jimin said. "And let us enjoy you~" jungkook said.

You moaned when you felt jimin pull down your boxers. And both jimin and jungkook felt your cock hit them when they took off your boxers.

"Fuck Y/N." Jungkook said.

You could see jimin find your lube bottle. When he found it, jimin went back on your bed with you and jungkook. Jimin and jungkook put lube on their hands and they were stretching themselves.

It was a very hot view. "You guys are so handsome, fuck.." you said embarrassed.

You could see both of them smirking. But they said nothing but you did see jimin and jungkook roughly give you a rough handjob.

It felt so good. Maybe too much. You could feel yourself get so close but you saw jungkook cover the tip of your cock when you were about the release.

You moaned very loudly. And looked at both of them. "Not yet boy~" jungkook said. Both jimin and jungkook could see the lust in your eyes. You already wanted them to ride you hard.

Jimin whispered something to jungkook. Jungkook smirked at jimins plan what to do with you.

Jimin looked at you and lined up his hole with your cock. Ans then slam right down on you. "AHH~!!" You said feeling jimin go down hard on you.

You could see jungkook watch jimin ride you. Jungkook bit his lip at this.

You could feel the weight of jimin on you. Jimin was riding you hard. He had no mercy. It was all out of jealousy (and love of course)

Jungkook put his hand on his cock and fastly jerked himself watching jimin ride you.

"f-fuck Y/N~ your so fucking big- AH~" jimin said while still riding the hell out of you. You could feel a knot in your stomach. But you needed to ask jimin if you could cum.

"Please jimin AHH~~ can I cum please- FUCK ITS SO GOOD~" "go ahead, cum in me baby~" jimin said with one more bouce on your cock and you came right in his ass and jimin came on your stomach.

You tried to get your breath back when jimin got off your cock. "Well it's my turn isnt it?" Jungkook said smiling. You looked at jungkook. You realized that your cock was going to be milked a lot today.

"My god..~" you said still shaking. you saw jungkook line up his hole up your cock but he didn't give a damn and went down on your instantly.

You couldn't stop moaning. Jungkook was going rougher on you than jimin.

You grabbed the pillow near you and gripped it hard while jungkook was bouncing on your cock.

Your toes were curling hard. "FUCK!!~" you said screaming/moaning out. Jungkook put his hands on your neck and chocked you.

It was so hot getting chocked and jungkook riding you. It was because jungkook was fucking jealous and let it all out on you.

When you were so close to cumming, you told jungkook if you were able to cum in his ass while stilling moaning from all of the overstimulation.

"Fuck Y/N!!~ just fucking cum in my ass,~" when jungkook said that, you came right in his ass screaming.

"AHHH~ FUCK~" you said when jungkook put his hands off of your neck.

Jungkook got off of your cock when you were done cumming in his ass.

Jimin went up to jungkook and gave him a buttplug.

You were passed out on your bed. It was all from the overstimulation and how roughly they rode you out of jealousy.

Jungkook and jimin cuddled with you on your bed.

Maybe you will never know why they asked you about R/N...

...

Made my namjoonboo on December 28th 2022.

#bts #dom male reader #male reader #bts x male reader #top male reader #smut #fanfic #jungkook #jimin #jimin x male reader #jungkook x male reader #sub top male reader #seme male reader #power bottoms #gay #polyamorous

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3loui53 · 1 day

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pleaseeeeeeee can anyone recommend me some bts x chubby reader stories?😔 specifically speaking, a polyamorous relationship between jjk+kth with the reader.

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poutyniall · 2 months

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Can I say it?

I love the tannies, those boys give me so much comfort and love and hugs and smiles and loughs, I adore them but at the same time I envy them. I'm genuinely and disgustingly jealous of the bond they share with each other, all the love, the support, the jokes, the growth, the taking care of each other, how comfortable they are around one another... I feel this burning longing in me to have what they have.

#they're in a polyamorous romantic twin flame soul bond with each other #and I want it too #I said what I said #tannies #bangtan boys #bts

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minniepetals · 10 months

Text

cry me a river | the reckless

— summary: in the face of danger, you run right into it

— pairing: bts x reader

— genre: angst, mafia!au

— word count: 4.7k

— warnings: slight violence

— PART 24 / previous post / masterpost

It’s about one in the morning when you sneak out of the room with gentle steps, making sure to not wake the one who sleeps on the armchair beside the bed, his soft little snores still heard until his presence disappears with the closed door.

The hallways are as silent as it was back in the room, the only thing heard is the sounds of your footsteps echoing through, and as you close your shawl closer to your body, you look around to make your way to the familiar steps that lead outside where the greenhouse stands.

The doors are left unlocked so you let yourself in and step through the glass doors, closing your eyes for a moment to breathe in the scent of the greens all around you.

It’s during lonely moments like this you feel your heart craving for some sort of familiarity. Not just the presence of your Reapers but for the presence of your manor itself.

For years you spent hating that place more than anything because that was where everything happened; where you were born, where you grew up, watching your mother hating you with every fiber left in her, chasing after your father’s attention, shedding tears on top of gentle shoulders, trapped behind the steel door of a white room, training, meeting good people, meeting bad people, everything.

Everything.

You can’t recall when the feeling of dread and disdain turned to eyes seeking for it, feet yearning to step back into it. Maybe it was the moment your father died, when the dynasty he worked so hard to build broke down into pieces like a house of cards, when you took over and made it into the home that it is now starting to feel like.

You returned to it after Leehyun, locking yourself in the comfort of your room, knowing that if you were to step outside, your Reapers would be right there with the smallest calling of their names. It served as your escape when it used to be the very reason you hated your existence.

The manor has become home and perhaps the only reason it’s able to be such a thing is because of what you’ve built it to be.

You want to escape, to return to it and simply hide in it and have no one bother you until you’re ready to step out yourself.

On the bench where Alexander sat this morning, you take your seat and close your eyes, trying to manipulate your mind into thinking you aren’t in Norway, that you’re back in Seoul, back at the manor, and not somewhere far, far away.

It’s exhausting doing this, your revenge plan. It’s exhausting having to put up a front, exhausting having to freeze up and recall unwanted memories that you wish could bury forever in the back of your mind.

But buried memories can’t always stay buried. They return, eventually, in time, whether you’re prepared or not.

You can’t tell how much time has passed but when you feel something against your feet accompanied by small little pants, you open your eyes to find the little puppy that accepted you from the moment he laid eyes on you.

You look down at him and he returns your gaze with a tilt in his head, tail wagging, and swirls about in a circle once before using his nose to poke at your leg again. He reminds you of the children at The Academy, how they’ve never been scared of you despite wanting to always push them away with your cold demeanor. It’s like Kiwi sees right through you, just like them, and in your silence, you pick up the small little thing to bring him onto your lap.

His tail wags a little more and when you run your hand through his fur, he gets a little more excited and affectionate.

Besides the children, there’s someone else you see in him.

“You remind me of someone,” you say as he nuzzles into the feeling of your palm. “Though unlike you, he wasn’t too fond of me in the beginning. It took some time for him to warm up but once he got to that point, he wouldn’t stop following me around.”

You fall silent again, thinking, remembering, reminiscing, and your fingers stop playing around with the little puppy on your lap.

The memories aren’t as hazy as they used to be, they’re a little clearer, a little closer to home. You can feel it in your heart when something feels like it’s just stabbed it, and in your stomach when you feel a little drop.

“I’m sorry for being selfish,” a voice whispers into your ear. “I’m sorry for only ever thinking about myself.”

But the thing about that is, you cannot be sorry for something that is within your nature, you cannot be sorry for wanting to put yourself first in a cruel, cruel world. When everything feels wrong, when the world feels like it’s always against you, when you do not know who to put your trust in.

If you were a little more mature and a little more brave, would you have been able to tell him the things you want to say now?

Things like; it wasn’t your fault. Things like; it’s alright, and you’re okay, and rest well.

Rest well, rest well, rest well.

You lean your head forward to the sky, gaze closed, as if hoping the things you spoke within your heart could be heard from him wherever he stays.

And as the silence continues, you feel your consciousness eventually slip away as your shoulders loosen their tensions with the feel of the little puppy resting well in your lap.

You didn’t realize it, that you had fallen asleep, but you know yourself waking when you feel a presence closing in and immediately opening your eyes to meet the old man who has a blanket hovered before you, his eyes falling a little surprised because he hadn’t expected you to wake up so easily.

“It’s good to put your guard down a little, you know,” Alexander says with a small chuckle as you accept the blanket to drape it behind you.

“I’ve learned my lesson with that,” you answer him and scoot over to the edge of the bench in order to make room for him.

He takes his seat beside you though leaves enough space in between and you’re thankful this man is observant. Kiwi’s awake but remains quiet and still, head resting against his paws with his tail swaying side to side.

“Do you have anyone you can trust in this world?” Alexander crosses a leg over the other and you look at your watch to see that it’s about four in the morning.

You managed to sleep in an unfamiliar place while knowing there weren’t any Reapers that could come to you at any second. How odd.

“There are always chances someone can stab you in the back.” Maybe the presence of Kiwi helped you. “It’s never a good idea to put your full trust in anyone.”

“You say that but one day you might come to know it feels rather nice putting unconditional faith in someone.”

You shake your head, brows furrowing. “Even if that someone has a good heart and good intentions, it doesn’t mean it hurts any less.”

There’s only been one person you know you can truly trust but he’s gone from this world, only ever being able to see him again when he wishes to visit you in your dreams. He’s the only person you’d ever allow to hurt you over and over again, even if it isn’t the real version of him.

Mister Butler can hate you and betray you but you’d let him do it again and again and maybe that’s because in your heart, you know those versions that the nightmares give you are simply from your own imagination and that he’d never truly come to hate you. He’s incapable of betraying your trust. Someone like him, who stayed by your side when he didn’t have to, isn’t a man who can have his heart easily swayed into hating you.

“Are you tired of betrayal?”

“I’m tired of everything,” you admit and he looks at you up and down, eyes narrowing slightly.

“And yet here you are, out in Norway.” Alexander knows a thing or two, he isn’t dumb, and you aren’t someone to think otherwise. He wouldn’t be in the position he is now if he was, and you don’t deny what he implies in his words. “You run straight into the very things that make you tired.”

“Because it is the only way I can feel alive.” You look on straight ahead before you, watching the pretty sky that pokes out from behind the plants of the greenhouse. “Otherwise I’d be in my room, rotting away. There is no purpose in running away, there is no purpose in leaving things be. My father did not leave this world for me to simply carry on as if he never existed.”

Some may take that as you carrying on your father’s legacy and whatever Alexander is thinking, you don’t care too much for it because all it matters is what you know. You didn’t kill your father just to stay silent for the rest of your life. His death was the beginning of everything.

Your turning point.

“And no one can stop a mind that’s already been made up.” Alexander nods, understanding, and doesn’t push for answers, but perhaps in the back of his mind, he’s a little curious about you and your goals and aspirations in this life. What drives you, what made you into the sort of person you are today, but Alexander is wise unlike many old men you’ve met throughout your life, so he doesn’t question things beyond your boundary.

And so he diverts the subject once again, turning it to the puppy in your lap.

“Perhaps you should adopt a pet of your own, to help you ease your mind a little,” he tells you with a fond gaze at Kiwi. “Humans can be quite disappointing, but a loyal pet will stay loyal for the rest of its life. Not to mention they’re the greatest comfort when someone needs it.”

Maybe that’s true. Maybe you should turn to a dog rather than humans in your time of need. Humans are disappointing creatures after all. But, “It’s too much of a hassle,” you say. “I can’t even take care of my own self properly, it’d be unwise of me to try and take care of another being.”

“...Is that so?”

It becomes a daily occurrence; the talks in the greenhouse, and soon you come to realize that Alexander isn’t one to let just anyone into his greenhouse. The doors that are usually locked during hours when one should be asleep are kept open, and perhaps that’s because he’s come to realize that you don’t sleep a lot, at least not in the house of a stranger, so he leaves them open for you to visit when you need your space.

And in the morning, around four or five AM when he awakens, he’ll come along and strike up a conversation and the two of you will speak about the things he brings up. Things like Seoul and of the Reaper gang, sometimes he’ll ask of Master Kitagawa, other times he’ll ask how far your skills go.

You speak to him in vague terms, careful not to tell him everything, but he comes to know that you were an only child, married once in an arranged marriage, but divorced. He doesn’t seem too surprised by that fact probably because everyone knows this happens all the time.

And in him knowing a little more about you, you come to know a little more about him as well.

Like when Kiwi came into his life and the fact that he’s had other pets throughout his lifetimes before but they’ve all died and left him.

You asked him why he continues adopting pets when he knows they don’t live as long as humans do, why he hurts himself over and over again, but he simply smiles and says that sometimes being able to love is better than being lonely. That it doesn’t matter how many times he has to watch them die and that he’d never regret loving them.

Alexander believes in reincarnation, that the souls of his first puppy dies and returns in the form of the other pets he’s had, so he’s never truly lonely, and something about that, believing in such a thing, though it sounds a bit absurd, is a little bit beautiful in its own way.

If you could believe Mister Butler died and returned through someone else, it’d be a nice delusion to live in, and despite the fact that there have been one or two guys that have reminded you of him, the truth is, no one can ever be Mister Butler.

Not Hoseok. Not Mingyu.

Because Mister Butler is like family. He was.

Through your marriage with Namjoon, he was your older brother, but he always felt closer to a father figure to you, and perhaps that’s because your father was never there for you. Mingyu is closer to an older brother. A companion. A friend.

And Hoseok?

The one that got away.

The right person at the wrong time.

And because of that fact, you don’t allow yourself to be near him for too long, hence denying his companionship when Jungkook told you it’d probably be better if Hoseok were standing guard at your side rather than him.

It’s true, Hoseok would be better. You wouldn’t be as cautious towards him as you are of Jungkook, but it’s that exact reason that you cannot let him near.

You cannot let him shake your core, so you endure what you can and let Jungkook stay near you despite the constant reminder of what he did all those years ago.

It’s not entirely his fault but as you’ve said, it doesn’t hurt any less.

In your time getting closer to Alexander, he’s refused the appearance of Karl several times. Asher says if he has to, his grandfather will meet him elsewhere. Just not in the house. The guy has come to guess that you’re here because of Karl, and if he’s guessed it, maybe Alexander has too.

Though the old man never brings it up despite the plenty of chances during your greenhouse talks.

“Any progress?”

Dawn remains in the sky as ever and while Jungkook sleeps, you sit on the windowsill to take a call from the other side of the world. It’s a bit chilly to head out today so you stay indoors this time, making sure to keep your voice low.

“Plenty. It’s been quite peaceful these days, it feels a bit out of place.” Alexander’s kindness wasn’t something you expected the first day you walked into Norway. You expected things to be harder after meeting Asher but surprisingly, things are quite…easy, to say the least. “I have a feeling it won’t last too long.”

“No?” Namjoon sounds a little confused on his end. “Why do you say that? Should we come over earlier than planned?”

“No, don’t do that. Come as scheduled,” you say and look away from the window to the man who’s moved from sleeping on the armchair to the bed. It took some time to convince him initially but eventually Jungkook agreed to take the bed since you don’t really sleep anyway.

“You have something planned, don’t you?” There’s some suspicion in his voice and you want to laugh a little at how things are right now.

Who would have thought you’d be back on speaking terms with the man you thought you’d push away for good? But here he is, back and ready to give you his trust. You don’t know if he’s smart or stupid or both. Maybe there’s a bit of both, but it probably took some time for him to consider it, being as the whole thing was about his brother whom he loves very dearly.

Namjoon’s finally using his head.

Though you aren’t too sure if you like it so much.

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.”

“Y/N.”

“It’s nothing bad.”

“I don’t know if I can trust those words so easily. The last time you left the country, you disregarded your life just for that plan of yours.”

“Listen.” You roll your eyes. “I’ll be fine.”

There’s a pause on his end before he speaks again. “You didn’t assure me that you won’t do something reckless,” he notes and you internally click your tongue, “which means that feeling of the peace not lasting for long is you actively causing that to happen.” When you don’t respond, he goes on. “Will you stop being so secretive and let me know what you’re thinking? Maybe then you won’t be in the same position you were with Leehyun, and me and my boys and the Reapers will know how to help you.”

Well.

“You can’t keep hiding, Y/N. Stop being so reckless, you’re too reckless.”

“Watch me.”

He lets out a heavy sigh. “That wasn’t a challenge.”

“No?”

Another sigh and he knows he can’t win. “Just…if you decide it’s better for me to go over sooner rather than later, let me know. I’ll be waiting. Right here, just a phone call away.”

“...Sure.”

You don’t think too much about it. You don’t want to think too much about it.

So when the cloud gives way to the sun and it shines higher in the sky, you finally take up Karl’s request to have tea and catch up, deciding you shouldn’t keep running away from what you’re trying to face.

You have Yeonjun stay by your side this time, rather than Jungkook, in case Karl says something out of line and Jungkook will hear more things than you want him to. You stay in the garden of Alexander’s mansion, keeping a little distance away from the building itself, and with the feel of eyes from a window behind you, the conversation begins.

“I remember him,” Karl points at your escort when he takes his first sip of the tea. “Jun? Joon?” Yeonjun doesn’t make an effort to fix him and simply remains quiet. “Right, never one to talk but always by your side.” His eyes settle back on you, a small glint of mirth in them. “You have quite the loyal companion.”

“Yes..I do.” You ignore his gaze to take a sip of your own tea, keeping your replies short.

“I’m still a bit hurt you didn’t reach out to me about your father’s death. We were good friends, you knew that.”

Of course you did. “I apologize, it slipped my mind.”

“Slipped your mind?” He raises a brow, unconvinced. “Hmm…and here I thought, I left a good impression in those four months I stayed in Seoul.”

You did.

You did indeed leave an impression that will last a lifetime.

“Maybe I should have tried harder?”

That mirth in his eyes. Again.

You want to punch him.

“How did he die though? The man I knew isn’t someone who would have easily died and he would have updated me about his health had he fallen ill.”

“He was betrayed,” you say, not batting an eye, and Karl puts his cup down after hearing that.

His eyes are blown out. “Your father? Betrayed? And he didn’t see that coming?”

“They were smart.”

“Even still..” He can’t believe it, though you don’t blame him too much. The father you both know is not someone who’s easily trusting of others, therefore he’s always right there to pick out someone who will betray him before they can execute their plan.

That’s why it took so long to manipulate him into believing you were a daughter full on worshiping his ground without an ounce of betrayal in your veins. That’s why your masterful plan took so long. You had to convince your father into believing he had won in manipulating you to his side when all along, you had been waiting to stab him in the back. Facing a man like him, smart, calculating, a manipulating gaslighter who thinks the world centers around him requires more than just simple brains and planning.

It took years to execute your plans and even then you feel like you could have done better with everything. For one, not letting anyone see what had happened, aka Bangtan. But what’s done is done. Dwelling on past mistakes is just stupid and a waste of time.

“And what about you?” When Karl points the finger at you, his gaze narrows, brows slightly furrowed. “You’re his daughter, his perfect little doll. You didn’t see that someone was plotting your father’s death? Is it not your job to protect him?”

“That’s right,” you give him nothing to fight against, just simply accepting the accusations placed upon you. “I failed in protecting him. I am an incompetent daughter who should have done better.”

Karl stands up, running a hand through his hair. “Your father did all that he could for you and still, you–”

When he looks at you again and meets the gaze you send him, his word stops mid-sentence. Your stare isn’t threatening, it isn’t a glare, nor one that is meant to scare him off, yet something in them lies a hidden threat either way, were he to continue speaking. Karl, seeing that, lets out a chuckle and he closes in on you, patting you on the shoulder before simply leaving his hand there.

You look at it for a second before giving him the attention he wants as he leans in, nose inches away from you.

“Your father created you into the weapon that you are today, my dear little Y/N, and you’ve even been trained under Kitagawa, so why is it that you failed to protect him? Huh? Tell me.”

From the corner of your eye, Yeonjun moves slightly closer, though he keeps his distance and doesn’t dare to make a move unless you instruct him otherwise.

The breath against your face, the touch of skin burning through the thin cloth of your dress, the sides of your knees meeting one another, back straightening up, heels rising from the ground, fingers intertwined into each other, sitting on your lap.

You keep your eyes open, meeting his gaze, but internally you’re counting in your head and holding your breath, hearing the beat of your heart that might as well rip through your rib cages and past the barrier of your skin to physically beat widely before Karl himself.

Maybe he hears it, maybe he can feel it, but whether he does or not, he has no will to move away from you and you know Karl, he isn’t dumb. He knows exactly the effect he has on you right now. He saw it, knows just how you felt all those weeks ago when you were in the living room and he touched you.

He knows and doesn’t care one bit.

Just as he was all those years ago.

They never change.

“What is it that you want from me, Karl?” He doesn’t fix you into calling him uncle this time. “Do you want me to repent on my knees and beg for forgiveness? My father’s already six feet underground, it’s not as if he’ll hear me now, but as his close friend, if you wish for me to do just that, I will. Just for you.”

There’s malice in his eyes, a scoff that leaves him when he watches you, and finally, he moves back. Just a little. “You’ve gotten quite bold, haven’t you? Now that your father isn’t here to teach you a lesson.”

“And if I have? What will you do about it?” You push back, leaning forward, challenging him despite your body screaming at you to run away. “Go ahead and do whatever you’d like with me, there’s no one here right now that can stop you. I can tell Yeonjun to pluck his eyes out right now and he’ll do just that. He won’t say a word and he won’t move unless I tell him otherwise.”

At the mention of the boy, Karl looks over between you and him, and then something in him lights up slightly as if he’d just remembered something. As if he’d just realized something.

“That’s right...what loyal companions…” He steps back, releasing your shoulder, and tilts his head back as he laughs obnoxiously. “Is this all about that little boy I messed with? Him?” The laugh rings a little louder, a little more crazed. “You pretend you’re so cold and have no feelings and yet here you are, chasing after me all the way from Seoul, just for a boy, the second you got the chance. If your father were still here, he wouldn’t have let that happen, but now that he’s gone…-”

He pauses again, and after hurling over laughing, stands back up straight again as the laugh dies all too abruptly. So you stand up from your seat, the corner of your lip curling over as you notice just why he’s gone silent.

By now the tea is slowly getting cold but you don’t care much for it as you stand tall, hands held together before you in a formal manner.

“The person who betrayed him…” His eyes narrow. “Who was it?”

“Oh uncle,” you mock that title, mirth in your eyes, “I think you know exactly where that answer lies.”

Danger.

Something screams danger when his gaze darkens in realization.

And yet you seem to only be attracted to danger as it is the only thing you’ve ever gotten used to seeing every day. The danger of being born as a mafia heir, married to a mafia powerhouse, spiraled into a hellhole you cannot ever seem to escape so you run towards it.

Directly into the fire.

Into the danger.

Provoking your enemies, knowing exactly just what their reactions will be, because danger seems to be the one thing in your life that will never leave and abandon you out of nowhere. The only thing you can forever trust to catch you were you to fall blindly into it.

And blindly you fall, trusting it to come.

And comes it goes, directly your way.

Never disappointing.

Namjoon called you reckless and for the first time in forever, you might have to agree with him. Because being reckless means not caring for the consequences to come after committing a rash action. The reckless ones do not care what happens to them, they live off adrenaline, they run towards the fire when everyone else runs away.

Towards the danger despite knowing there will always be a chance they may not survive. Unheeding, stubborn, thoughtless, careless, negligent, imprudent. Unwise, unwary, incautious, hasty.

A fool.

But misguided and left on their own. Lonely, abandoned, hurt, isolated, rejected, forsaken. An outcast and unloved, a disappointment and broken.

Broken.

A broken little soul whose heart lies empty with a hole pierced through the middle.

You are reckless. You are broken.

And broken things do not know how to save themselves, they only know the warmth of the fire. That is the only thing they can rely on.

So you stay within his vicinity, within Karl’s reach, watching, simply standing there, keeping still, as if keeping vigil. Like you’re just waiting, just expecting for something, anything, the inevitable, to happen. And when it comes in the form of a harsh, harsh slap across the face that has your body turning over to the side and having to hold onto the table to keep your balance, you can’t even say that you are surprised.

It feels like being in the presence of your father all over again, in the face of danger, of a manipulator, of a gaslighter, of an abuser.

He returns hard and so vividly in the form of anger, in the form of a ghost, a spirit whom you see standing right behind Karl. He stands as still as ever, hands held behind his back, simply watching.

Watching.

While you stand before him in front of a man he’s using to command orders over him. Using violence through others because father never raises his hands, father never puts in the effort or strength or power into physical forms. He does it through others, he commands through others, he hurts through others.

Watching until he’s satisfied.

But he’s never satisfied. He’s never satisfied.

And on your end, you can do nothing but accept it all willingly.

There is nothing else you can do, there is nothing else that can be done. It is like being in his presence all over again. Yeonjun, the Reapers behind you, standing still, told to not do a thing, to not move an inch, and your father behind the violence, keeping silent with a deadly gaze.

You return to the past.

You see him.

He’s right there.

And Karl raises his hand again.

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bfwonho · 2 years

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boy do i looooove kpop twitter

#if anyones nosey and doesnt know enough abt bts to understand these words #yoongivore is vore of bts member yoongi #jinkook is a bts ship name #polytan im guessing is polyamorous bangtan aka BTS #hey i knew jungkook was a teen when they debuted so i looked it up #jinkooks respective ages when they debuted in bts were 21 and 15 #just to make this image impossibly worse

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cait-with-luv · 1 year

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Little Leopard [5]

Header Credit: Me

Pairing: OT7 X Hybrid!Reader

Genre: Hybrid! AU, Strangers to Lovers! AU, Rich!BTS, Fluff, Angst, eventual smut, Polyamorous!BTS

Warnings: Angst, Hospitals, discussions of weight, discussions of eating disorders, dissociation, mentions of past mental abuse, mentions of past physical abuse, mentions of sexual abuse, discussions of trauma, anxiety, depression, explicit language, OC gets a little possessive, self-doubt, NOT SAFE FOR RAMADAN.

Word Count: 4K

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Like Seokjin had said the next day after breakfast, he was taking you to the clinic, and to be honest, you were nervous. You hadn’t been to a hybrid clinic and you didn’t know what to expect. You knew that Seokjin wouldn’t do anything to make you uncomfortable and that he’d never hurt you. You had to keep reminding yourself that this was for your own good, he just wanted to know if you were fit and healthy.

Whilst eating breakfast, Yoongi and Hoseok had told you they were going to tag along so you wouldn’t feel so uncomfortable in a new and nerve-wracking environment and so you could have a hand to hold if need be. It made you feel warm inside knowing that they really did care about you. Your thoughts, feelings, your physical being. Everything. It all mattered to them and they always made sure you knew that.

You knew that Jungkook had told them about your talk last night, they didn’t have to tell you that they knew, you could tell by the way their scents had changed when they saw you come down the stairs this morning. Their usual soft, comforting scents changed to a dull burning bitter smell, the gentle looks of care and worry. But what you appreciated the most was how they didn’t bring it up, they didn’t make you talk about it. They were really allowing you to do things on your own terms. You will never be able to tell them how grateful you are. They were always there to abolish all your negative thoughts and feelings. They’re like umbrellas, when you’re toxic thoughts rain upon you, they shelter you from them and wait with you for the sun to break through the rain clouds not ever leaving you for a second.

“You ready to go, Sweetpea? Yoongi and Jin are waiting for us.” Hoseok says softly peering into your room after he knocked, chuckling seeing you sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed, your pastel yellow dress sprawled around you like you had come out of a Disney movie, a little pout on your lips as you look up at Hoseok with a look of defeat and hold out your brush and a scrunchie.

“I can’t do my hair, w-will you help me Hobi? I keep catching my ears and it hurts.” You whine out in exasperation. It was clear to him you had been trying to do it for a while but was clearly being defeated. He couldn’t say no to you. You had him and the rest of the boys wrapped around your finger and you had absolutely no idea.

“Of course, Sweetpea, you gotta be careful of these cute little ears.” Hoseok coos, taking the brush and scrunchie from you and sitting behind you, beginning to brush your hair, frowning at how tense and anxious you were not just from how you sat but from how your tail nervously flicked, poking his leg occasionally. Something was playing on your mind and Hoseok wanted to help you. Out of all the boys, he had spent the least time with you having to constantly be at work all the time.

“Penny for your thoughts, Sunshine?” He asks tenderly beginning to fishtail braid your hair, pausing as you sigh and grab your tail to play with it, something all hybrids did for comfort and it was nice for the boys to see you beginning to lean more into your natural instincts. They had noticed in the first two weeks you lived with them you barely did anything…Leopard like? Feline like?

It was like you had buried any instinct you had as a leopard. They had begun to think you had been forced to not act on them or perhaps you just didn’t have any but as you began to relax around them the more you showed your feline side and in all honesty, it was the most wholesome thing they had seen. They were curious to see if you would eventually be comfortable in front of them to shift into your full Leopard form. If that was something you could do.

“I just…I’ve never been to a hybrid clinic before…let alone had a health check, no one cared about it. I’m scared. What if something is wrong with me? I w-won’t be left there right o-or you won’t be disgusted with me at my results?” You fret, biting your lip anxiously as Hoseok ties the hair tie into your hair a little sigh leaves his lips before turning you to face him and shaking his head.

“Sweetpea, we will never ever leave you there, or anywhere for that matter. You’re stuck with us, how terrible right?” He jokes making your lips quirk up a little and playfully roll your eyes before relaxing into his touch as he massages at the base of your ear, a rumble coming from your chest.

“None of us will be disgusted at all okay? Whatever the results will be for your health, we’re all gonna be here to do what we can to help it improve if needs be and be here for you through everything alright? I know it sounds scary. A hybrid clinic and tests but you are in completely safe hands. Seokjin won’t make you do anything you don’t want to alright? I hate the doctors too. Needles are pretty terrifying. I used to pass out every time I needed a flu vaccination. Ironic isn’t it? I see all sorts of things being a detective yet the one thing that scares me isn’t weapons, blood, or bodies but a damn needle but in the end, I know it’s to help me. This is to help you.” He smiles, his heart fluttering hearing the laugh you let out hearing his fear of needles. You appreciated his efforts to calm your nerves.

“Okay, thank you, Hoseokie. You guys won’t leave my side?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Sunshine.”

—

Despite Hoseok’s reassurance, you couldn’t help but let your fear grow the closer you got to the clinic. You were terrified at what could be revealed. You knew that none of the outcomes of the appointment will be good. You dread to hear the results because you knew what they were going to say. ‘You’re broken’.

Time was moving too quickly. You blinked you were in the car, you blinked and you were on the highway, you blinked and you were in the city. Before you knew it you stood right in front of the clinic, staring blankly at the sign. Your hands had gotten clammy. Your heart was palpitating. Your mouth going dry. You absolutely did not want to be here. You were petrified. But you just didn’t know how to say no. It was a foreign word to you. A word that was not allowed in your dictionary. A word that if you used would result in punishment. It was another habit you couldn’t break. You couldn’t say no to them. You couldn’t tell them you weren’t ready for this. That this was just too invasive right now.

Yoongi had picked up on your anxiety almost immediately. Noticing how tense and rigid you had gotten. How you froze in your spot like you had your feet glued to the floor. The distant look in your eyes. He knew right there you weren’t really there. You had disconnected from yourself and the world around you. Your defense mechanism. Your fight or flight.

“Y/N? Little Cub you still with us?” Yoongi questions delicately, slipping his hand into yours and squeezing to try and bring you back to reality. Nothing. You didn’t move. You didn’t speak. You hadn’t heard him. He began to grow concerned looking at Jin and Hobi for help. He didn’t know what to do but he did know he wasn’t going to pull you into the clinic in this state. He wasn’t going to make this worse for you.

“She’s dissociated Yoongi. We have to ground her, and take her attention off the cause. Give her your keys. They’re cold and something she can fidget with. Cold things bring them out of this state.” Seokjin states, gently stroking your hair as Hobi tries to blow air onto the back of your neck to break your dissociation. Yoongi roots through his pocket before pulling his keys out and placing them in your hand, watching as the distant look begins to slowly disappear.

Seokjin felt guilty. He should have asked you first, he should have made sure you were comfortable with coming to the clinic. He felt like an idiot. He knew you had trauma yet completely forgot to ensure this wasn’t crossing the line for you.

“Sunshine? Are you back with us? We’re right here. It’s okay, take your time. We’re right here.” Hoseok murmurs watching as you blink and look around, breath slightly heavy, a pink hue appearing on your cheeks as you realize what had happened.

“I-I’m sorry, I-I haven’t done that in a while.” You whisper shyly, fiddling with the keys in your hand. You felt so embarrassed and humiliated. You were waiting to hear a laugh, a snicker, anything but nothing. Yoongi just tilts his head and frowns.

“Why are you sorry? It’s not your fault. It happens. This must be overwhelming for you. If this is too much for you, you do not have to go in there. We can take you home and you can try again another day when you feel ready.” He sighs, the two men next to you nodding in agreement but you huff and shake your head, straightening yourself back up.

“No. I-I’ll be okay. I have to do this. We’re here now right? If not now when?” You say before looking at Hoseok and giving him a small smile.

“This is to help me. As long as you don’t leave my side.” You utter. Hoseok smiles and nods, placing his hand on your shoulder.

“Like I said, Sweetpea. We wouldn’t dream of it.”

And with that, you forced your body to enter the clinic, a vice grip on Yoongi’s hand, his grip just as tight. A reassurance. He was going nowhere.

The smells that hit your nose the moment you stepped into the clinic were terrible. They were so pungent. Rancid, you almost felt nauseous. Illnesses. Chemicals. Sadness. And the worst of all. Death.

It was so distinctive you couldn’t ignore it even if you tried. It was such a strong horrific scent, it could stick to a person for weeks if it weren’t for scent blockers. Something you’re glad Seokjin had you all take before you left the house.

It was so putrid. It was a mix of rotting fruits and meat but at the same time, it was chemical-like. Like nail polish remover or ammonia. You had to hold back a gag. If Seokjin was a hybrid you would have asked him how he could put up with it all the time, hours on end.

“You okay Cub?” Yoongi asks as you both follow Seokjin to an examination room, almost chuckling at the scrunched-up look of disgust on your face. He would have laughed but he knew what you were smelling. He had been told about it by a Hybrid friend of his. He felt bad that your heightened sense of smell could be a curse sometimes.

“It smells bad. I really don’t want to sound rude I know people here are sick or you know but it’s so horrid. I could really do with no sense of smell right now. It’s a little nauseating.” You grimace. Hoseok chuckles and nods in agreement,

“I know what you’re on about. I can’t smell it like you can right now but I’ve been around enough bodies to know what kind of smell you’re getting. It’s grim.”

Your conversation is cut off as you enter a room and you tense up seeing a new person. You hadn’t expected to have to interact with anyone else. You thought it would just be Jin doing your tests. It did not help this doctor was not human. She was a hybrid too. Another cat species. Putting two big cats in one room, a lioness, and leopardess at that. It was a bold move.

“Seokjin! Good to see you! I was surprised when you contacted me to health check when you can do it yourself and probably better than me at that! Yoongi, Hoseok it’s been a while.” She grins giving Seokjin a hug then Yoongi and Hoseok. You stare at her almost in annoyance, holding back a growl but an instinct you couldn’t prevent was your hackles going up. Your tail began to bush up and your ears pinned back. You felt irritated by her presence. By her touching them.

But as quick as it happened it was quick to disappear when you realize how you reacted. You were surprised. Why did you react like that? It wasn’t like they belonged to you. They weren’t your mates. You stop an audible gasp. They couldn’t be, right? But the longer you thought about it the more you realize some of the behaviors you had around them. All seven of them. The way you had to fight the urge to scent them, to nip at where their scent glands would be if they were hybrids. The way you wanted to build a big nest and drag every single one of them into it. At first, you just thought it was because they looked after you. Cared about you, but now it felt like a jigsaw puzzle was being completed. It all made sense now. They were your mates.

Your racing thoughts were broken when Jin chuckles and gives her a sheepish smile. “I would do the tests but for legal reasons, I cannot. She lives with us. It’d be workplace misconduct. This is Y/N, she’s been living with us for a few weeks now.”

“Nice to meet you Y/N I’m Dr.Yoon. I’m going to be doing your examination okay? Don’t worry it won’t take long.” She says, grabbing her clipboard as you nod hesitantly, your voice felt stuck in your throat. You couldn’t bring yourself to speak. You just followed her instructions with much hesitance. She took your weight, your height, and asked your age and other questions but her next requests made your heart drop.

“Okay, we have to take a blood sample and have a look at your cervix etcetera.”

You turn to look at the boys in fear and Yoongi immediately grabs your hand again and shakes his head. He can’t imagine how much trauma this was bringing back.

“Look at me, look at us. We’re right here Y/N. Right here. It’s okay. It’ll be all over before you know it I promise and then we can go home. You’re safe.” He says sternly as she begins to take your blood sample, keeping you facing him to stop you from looking. Even looking straight in your eyes as she examined your cervix and pelvis, his eyes not straying once, rubbing soothing circles on your hand as Hoseok murmured reassurances and Jin keeps back not wanting to crowd you, and the guilt he felt stopped him from coming near.

He should have made you aware that this appointment was your choice. That you didn’t have to come here today. He could see you slipping into depression, how you would slightly dissociate before stopping yourself, how you hadn’t uttered a word since entering the room. He shouldn’t have assumed you were okay with this.

“Okay we’re all done here Y/N, your blood results should be back in the next week or so. You can take a minute before leaving. Dr. Kim, Hoseok. Can we step outside? We should talk.” She says lips pursed, nodding her head towards the door. She noticed how you progressively became more of an empty shell. She didn’t want to make you worse with what she had to say.

“Gentlemen. I don’t even know where to begin. This girl has suffered so much. More than I think you guys thought. Her weight is dangerously low for her age and height. Malnourished. She’s way too small, especially for an Amur Leopard. How is her appetite now she lives with you?” She begins a solemn look on her face as Hoseok and Seokjin look at each other before looking back at her.

“Not great now that you mention it. A few mouthfuls that’s it.” Seokjin sighs, crossing his arms as she nods and shakes her head. It wasn’t a good sign. Not at all.

“She may have developed an eating disorder, you have to keep a close eye on that. It may be from a diet change or from a change in general but if it doesn’t get better then definitely take formal action. She will get sick. There are many signs of physical and mental abuse. The girl is traumatized. Physically and mentally. Seeing a psychiatrist could really benefit her. I watched each of her reactions, she was terrified, especially when I said I need to take a blood sample and do a vaginal examination. I could smell her terror. When checking her cervix I could see evidence of past sexual assault. Scarring, slight irritation you name it but other than that healthy. I saw nothing that will prevent a heat other than her weight but we will have to wait for the bloods to come back to know for certain. She may not get one for a while. I’ll let you know when I have the results for her bloods but help her, get her through this, and most importantly, Hoseok, find the sons of bitches that did this to her.”

“I plan on it.”

—

Once you got home you were quickly swept up by the youngest two boys who had gotten home having been warned by Seokjin that you weren’t very verbal or doing great mentally. They were at the ready to cheer you up and look after you even going as far as reading what could help a distressed hybrid and discovering a nest could provide comfort, watching tutorials, and rushing to find things to put in it. It wasn’t the best-built nest but it was the thought that counts.

When you were placed in the nest you visibly relaxed, you already felt comforted, safe, and cozy but it felt like something was missing and from your realization earlier you knew what it was. The boys. Your leopard was antsy, practically screaming at you ‘Mates, mates, need mates in nest.’ You didn’t feel ready to fully embrace it yet. It was too much to comprehend. That you had mates. Not just one, but seven. It was daunting. But right now, you were willing to indulge your leopard. Just this once. But how wrong you were. Once they were to enter the nest, you may just get into the habit of wanting them in it constantly. Yeah, you were screwed.

“In. Want in.” You murmur beginning to move around and fix the nest, making it bigger to fit more people in, a pout of concentration on your face. Jungkook and Taehyung’s hearts skip a beat. You look so adorable fixing it and demanding them to get in. They felt a feeling of achievement getting to see you make your first nest, watching you cave to your instincts. But their hearts were pounding. They knew how intimate being invited into a nest was. They knew what it meant after all the videos they watched on nests, giving each other a look. They all needed to talk but right now, they couldn’t deny you. You had them wrapped around your finger.

“You’re inviting us in, Sweet Girl?” Jungkook asks softly, cooing as you look up at him with wide innocent eyes and nod. You were going to be the death of him. With slight hesitation they both climb in and sandwich you between them, allowing you to move them to where you wanted them before you finally snuggle into them, Jungkook chest to chest, your head tucked into the crook of his neck as Taehyung spoons you, rubbing soothingly up your waist, a smile playing at his lips as you begin to purr. You really were beginning to live up to your leopard counterpart now.

“We heard you aren’t doing too good huh Kitten?” Taehyung coos. You huff and shake your head, lifting your head to look at him and pout before looking at Jungkook and whispering,

“Scent? Y/N scent you?”

He almost chokes on his saliva but nods slowly, eyes widening when you don’t hesitate to nuzzle back into his neck and begin to rub your nose on his neck and nip occasionally, shallow breaths leaving his mouth, frozen in shock before glaring at the amused look on Taehyung’s face.

‘Stop it. You’d freak out too.’ Jungkook mouths reaching over and flicking Taehyung on the forehead. However, the sudden movement made you whine in protest and he immediately goes back into the position he was in and pouts.

“I’m sorry baby, didn’t mean to upset you, I won’t move again without telling you okay?” He says softly chuckling as you hum in acknowledgment before sighing in contentment, losing your eyes to try and get rid of the thoughts in your head. Despite it only being noon, you were exhausted. The appointment and examination had sucked the life out of you and brought back so many memories and doubts you were trying so hard to bury and forget.

You didn’t feel worthy enough of their affection and care. You felt like you didn’t deserve them. That you weren’t good enough. It felt like you were being selfish and asking for too much to have them in your nest. A whimper leaves your lips, gripping Jungkooks’ t-shirt tight to rid yourself of the thoughts, trying to concentrate on his and Taehyungs’ scents in hopes to ground yourself, squeezing your eyes shut tight as the horrifying voice echoes in your head.

‘You are worthless piece of shit!’

‘You deserve nothing bitch!’

‘What a waste of space and air, why do I even bother keeping you.’

All the abusive words echo through your head on a constant repeat, flashes of the punishments and vile acts you were put through won’t leave, a strangled cry leaving your mouth from frustration and hurt making the boys fuss over you, panicked. You just wanted it to stop. For all the anguish and pain to be erased, to just be happy. Really truthfully happily. There was only so much forcing it you could take.

“Make it stop. TaeTae, Koo, please make it stop. It hurts. Hurts.”

“Shh Kitten, we’ve got you. You’re gonna be okay, we’re gonna get you through this, you’re safe, nothing can hurt you anymore, this will go, I promise, you’re safe, you’re safe here. Sleep, you need some sleep, we’re not going anywhere.” Taehyung says so delicately afraid that your fragile state would break from the slightest change of tone. He felt like a fool.

For not realizing how much you were really struggling. At how much you were really hiding. How much you had internalized it to hide it from them. He was a fool to that you were going to heal quickly. All the care, safety and love they gave you could only do so much. You had suffered for years. You have had more anguish, pain, abuse than anything. He promised to do better. Too do everything in his power to heal you. Supporting you.

Safe. Safe. I’m safe. You repeat in your head trying to convince yourself, relaxing into their caring touches, finally succumbing to the sleep you were so desperately fighting, the appointment, the crying, the thoughts completely exhausting you.

When the boys know you’re asleep they look at each other sadly, wondering what they should do to make this torturous recovery easier for you, wondering what they do knowing what they know now about being invited into a nest but a voice from the door breaks their stares.

“Is she oka- Oh shit.”

Taglist (CLOSED)

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bts-hyperfixation · 10 months

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Outside of the fox

Chapter 17 of ???(I've entirely lost track)

4500 words

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Jin falls into step easily beside the large bear hybrid. He has always thought his legs were gangly and too long for his subspecies, but he is glad to have them now as Namjoon seems to wait for no one, too wrapped up in his own thoughts. He shoots medical questions at Jin as if he has a deadline to meet. Somehow Jin finds it oddly charming. So few people show interest in his work and he has few friends to share his time with.

He watches how Namjoon's brow furrows as he tries to remember medical terms to discuss with him. It's endearing. He supplies words for him occasionally but mostly just listens to the man. It's clear that he hasn't had a chance to talk about his medical knowledge in a long time and Jin would be lying if he said he didn't just like listening to the man's deep voice.

Ordinarily, Seokjin would never have accepted an invitation to join a patient for the holiday, it was a horrible blurring of personal and professional lines. But Jungkook insisted, and there was something about that boy that Jin found odd but magnetic all the same. He was more reluctant leading up to the day, he had almost chickened out but they had only left him an address, no number to call, and he couldn't just not turn up.

And now he was beyond glad that he had.

"I'm sorry, you probably don't want to talk about your work this much." Namjoon eventually stops himself, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

"It's quite alright, I'm happy to talk about medicine, especially when you seem so interested yourself," Jin says.

"There must be more to you than that, tell me about your hobbies."

"Hobbies?" Jin blinks owlishly.

He hasn't partaken in hobbies since long before medical school, it was difficult to find the time. He had once enjoyed playing tennis, although he was never any good, and he did adore cooking when he got the chance but he wouldn't call it a hobby.

"Yeah, you know.... the things you do for fun?" Namjoon supplies, laughing a little awkwardly.

"Right, yeah... I don't know I don't have a lot of time to myself these days, I always end up watching TV and napping when I'm free."

"Napping can be a hobby, ask Jungkook he seems to have taken it up professionally."

The two men laugh easily together and it feels nice. It's been too long since Jin has had a chance to talk to someone so casually.

_______________________________________________________

"Stop looking at me like that," Yoongi grumbles at his companion.

"Like what Sugar?" Taehyung batts his eyelashes innocently.

"Like you've known me longer than 76 hours."

"But I have... I've known exactly the type of man you are since I read that first note you sent me in Y/N's lunch."

Taehyung brushes his arm against Yoongi, swaying deliberately into the man. A blush creeps across the jackal's face but it's hidden well by the red covering his nose from the cold evening air.

"Come on Yoongi, you even scented that note. It was subtle but I smelled it, and you... I've been hooked since." Taehyung confesses.

Yoongi doesn't have a response. Because he did scent the note and to this day he has no idea why. It's oddly intimate for a stranger, he had told himself it was just for Y/N's lunch, but he wasn't really scenting her then either.

"If you think we can't court because I don't know you well enough, tell me more." Taehyung prompts, any teasing was now gone from his tone.

"I don't know what to tell you about me but I'm already courting two people. And before now I've never courted deliberately in my life."

"Then what's one more," Taehyung says

He makes a good point.

"Fine but we are taking this very slowly, like agonisingly," Yoongi replies.

Everything after fine seems to fall on deaf ears as Taehyung's smile hits 1 million watts.

__________________________________________________

"So Jungkook...." Hoseok starts awkwardly.

His gaze is focused down on his trainers as he kicks a pebble along with them on their walk. He has never had one on one time with the youngest and now seemed like a weird time to start. He liked the rabbit, it was difficult not to, he inspired protective instincts in the most docile of people, but he wasn't sure they had anything in common at all. Other than maybe their affection for Yoongi, that doesn't seem like a lucrative topic.

"What game were you playing earlier?" He asks, knowing that video games are a safe space.

And yet, Jungkook's cheeks go bright red anyway. His ears droop a little and Hobi worries that all progress they had made in the last few weeks has been destroyed by that innocent question.

"I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me... What do you want to talk about." He tries to backtrack.

"No...I, I want to talk about it. I've been dying to talk about it, but it's embarrassing." Jungkook confesses.

Hoseok's interest is piqued. Of all the descriptors for games embarrassing is not one he would use often.

"You can tell me, no judgement here. Never ever judgement." He tries to put the bunny at ease.

Jungkook takes a deep breath and gets a very serious look on his face.

"Have you ever heard of otome games?"

It might be the most fluent Jungkook has ever been as he talks Hoseok through the world of interactive romantic novels. He has never seen the bunny so excited to just talk with someone. He lets Jungkook monologue at him and finds himself quite invested in the world that Jungkook is explaining. A world where you have multiple love interests vying for your attention, all while you get to go on some kind of exciting adventure sounds like a great way to waste a few hours. Although he supposes the multiple love interests isn't really a thing of fiction to him now.

He turns back around to gaze at you a little longingly only to find you and Jimin have fallen behind.

He can see your outlines in the dimming light, how close together you are. He watches as Jimin's arms snake around your waist and his stomach twists with misplaced jealousy.

He isn't proud of what he did next.

"Are you guys coming?" He yells.

He watches as you jump away from Jimin a little and he can hear Jungkook snicker beside him when he realises what was happening.

__________________________

You make it back to the house shortly after your kiss, turns out you were only a few roads over.

You sit on the garden furniture and wrap a blanket around yourself tightly. Jimin fetches the desert you had abandoned earlier, serving each of you a slice of cake as Namjoon and Yoongi head up the hill to ignite the bonfire.

Jimin feeds forkfuls to Jungkook as they cuddle together under one of the blankets. Taehyung attempts the same with you and you roll your eyes but take the bite anyway. It's deliciously decadent. Taehyung pouts when you don't offer him your own fork in return.

"You realise we are just trading the same desert back and forth right?" You point out.

"It's about the romance of it Y/N, live in the fantasy a little will you?" He scolds.

You shake your head at him. You take the smallest bite possible onto your fork and present it to him. He takes the fork between his teeth in a way that is clearly meant to be seductive. He bites down and scrapes all of the dessert from the utensil and grins at you when he is done.

You can see the smoke beginning to build up the hill and Yoongi's figure appears beckoning you all to join them. You each gather as many blankets as you can carry and walk together until you can see Namjoon and Yoongi wrapped up in each other's embrace watching the embers begin to consume the wood that had been prepared earlier.

Jimin points to a spot a safe distance away from the fire and you all follow him there, laying out the thickest blankets on the floor to protect you from the cold ground. You all sit in a line, passing blankets along the line and snuggling close to keep the cool wind from getting through the gaps. The warmth emanating from the bonfire has you reaching out your hands towards it, everyone else following suit as they try to regain feeling in their fingertips.

"This is delightful." Jin comments.

The doctor is sat carefully on the edge of the blanket, leaning slightly away from the group, although Namjoon has draped a blanket to connect the two of them together.

"Is this what you guys do for the rest of the night?" Taehyung asks, staring directly into the flames.

The fire reflects prettily in his eyes, making the dark brown look more like whisky.

"Oh no, we do this for about 3o minutes until Yoongi grumbles about being bored and cold, then we get alcohol and start writing wishes down to through into the fire." Jimin supplies. "We can start early tonight if you like?"

"If you want me to get drunk in time then we should get going." Hoseok nods.

Jimin takes Taehyung's hand and pulls him up with him to go and fetch supplies from the house and the rest of you continue to watch how the fire consumes the discarded items that had been placed into it.

The pair don't take too long, coming back with two boxes. One containing red solo cups, fruit, and mixers. The other contains four different liquors and some writing equipment along with a clipboard for each of you. You each grab a cup, pouring a little more alcohol than you probably should for a first drink and a clipboard. You choose a couple of glittery gel pens and make yourself comfortable back in your spot on the blanket waiting for everyone else.

Namjoon stands in front of all of you with his cup raised to the sky.

"A few rules to begin." He starts, met with groans from those of you sitting down. "First, no one steps over the barrier of safe distance regardless of how drunk you get. "

He points to the bricks surrounding the fire, a barrier placed about 3 metres around the fire.

"If we can't go near the fire how to we burn the wishes?" You ask, but are meet with shushes from Yoongi and Jungkook.

"Second, You need to finish at least one drink before you even think about writing down a wish."

Everyone nods and takes a sip.

"Third, you can't make anyone share their wish."

You glance at Jimin to find him already looking at you sheepishly.

"And finally don't think too hard, anything you want can be a wish. With that let's have a toast. To the past and to the future, come what may, let us be together. TO US!"

"TO US!" You chorus and take a long sip of your drinks.

"When everyone has finished their wishes we will put them into the fire together." He gestures to a wooden box at the corner of the barrier that you hadn't noticed.

Namjoon presses play on a speaker and music covers the sound of the crackling fire.

You let the alcohol burn your throat as you rush to finish your first drink, it appears the others do the same as they all reach for more alcohol to top up their cups. Hoseok holds out a bottle to you and you present your cup to him. He pours recklessly, leaving even less room for your mixer than the last drink. The look in his eye is positively devilish when he finally pulls the bottle away.

You try not to think about it too hard as you turn your attention to your empty clipboard. It finally occurs to you that you have no idea what you want to write. A lot of your wishes from when you left your old life behind have come true.

You have a job of your own.

You have friends of your own.

You know what freedom tastes like.

You glance around to see what everyone else is writing but most of them have their boards covered like overprotective nerds in an exam. You can see that Jungkook is changing pen colours for almost every word and that Namjoon seems to be writing a novel with a fountain pen, both are so different, yet very them. Jimin and Taehyung haven't even started theirs, the clipboards forgotten as Taehyung free-pours vodka into Jimin's awaiting mouth, not stopping until a little dribbles out of the corner. Taehyung uses his index finger to swipe up the wasted alcohol and put it into his own mouth.

Yoongi has already finished his, folding it neatly and posting it into the box before neatly returning his pen and clipboard. Hoseok seems as stuck as you, chewing the lid of the pen past the point of no return. And Seokjin is writing slowly, thinking a little then writing a little.

You turn your attention to the blank page and pick up the purple glitter pen. Instead of writing words, you doodle in the corners creating intricate patterns and using other colours to fill in the blank spaces. Eventually, you've drawn so much aimlessly that you only have space to write one wish. You contemplate going for another piece of paper but this feels right.

Everyone else has posted their wishes into the box and they are standing around drinking and talking or dancing together. You still can't think of anything you want that these men haven't already helped you to get. So you write down the very thing you told Jimin you would.

You take ahold of the purple glitter pan again, almost out of ink, and write down.

*I wish all of their wishes come true*

You waste time folding the paper into a little boat before standing up to add it to everyone else's.

"Right is that everyone?" Namjoon asks, clearly having been watching you.

The group nods and he takes the box from your hands before throwing it directly into the bonfire, landing ceremoniously at the top. The fire licks at the new fuel. Flashes of pink and purple flames mix in with the orange before the whole chest is encompassed in colourful flames.

The newcomers and yourself all stare in wonder as the rainbow of colours appears around your wishes as they burn.

"Namjoon's such showoff," Yoongi says, "Covers the box in powders like potassium and lithium chloride to put on a show. The sap says it makes things more magical." The cynicalness of his comment is evidently a front as his eyes never leave the flame.

"It's so pretty," Jungkook says, eyes wide.

You remember then that this is his first year experiencing the bonfire too, he has only ever heard stories until this point and clearly, the others had wanted to keep this as a little surprise.

The colourful display doesn't last too long and the box becomes an unrecognisable mess among the already charred remains.

"What now?" Jin asks, glancing away from the fire to look at the others.

"Now we drink, talk, dance. Whatever you normally do at a party I guess." Jimin shrugs.

Again you find yourselves sectioning off into groups. Hoseok drags Yoongi to dance with him. Jimin and Taehyung return to the bottle of vodka that they've been sharing between them all evening. And Namjoon finds Jungkook, pulling the bunny into his arms and kissing his nose, talking about something you can't hear.

"Interesting group of guys," Jin says, sidling up next to you.

You turn to face him, properly. He smells a little like the brandy he has been sipping on for the last hour. You've noticed he is only on his second drink. Immediately slowing down after completing the first rule of the night. Perhaps you should've followed his lead as your head swirls from drink number four.

"You think they are weird..." You point out.

"I do." He confirms "But in a very charming way. They are a very quirky bunch, but I can see why it's so easy to get sucked into their energy like you have."

You don't answer him, you take another sip of your drink instead prolonging the silence. Each of the boys is very individual but now, even with Taehyung being added in, it just makes sense to you. Even having Jin there has felt oddly right throughout the day. Everyone has a partner, but with an interchangeability that feels easy, it seems like it would be even weirder to tell an almost stranger that you think he fits in than it would be to remain silent.

"Don't take it the wrong way. I have enjoyed every moment of today. If two of them hadn't been my patients I might even pursue a friendship with each of you." His eyes land on Namjoon and Jungkook and his eyes glaze over in thought.

"You could still be friends with them. It's not like they came to you with intimate issues. If it's an issue of ethics I don't think any boundaries would be crossed." You muse.

This time he takes a long sip of his drink, looking like he has a million things he wants to say but none of them will reach his tongue. You let the silence stretch, watching the others for a little while allowing Jin time to think.

"I might think about it. Talking to Namjoon today was a wonderful change of pace to my non-existent social life. I do however hold some concerns about Jungkook..." He trails off as if unsure of how much he can say.

"Are they about his anxiety? Because I think I might have the same concerns as you." You admit.

"They are, but as a medical professional, I don't know enough about the man. And as an acquaintance, it is well out of my jurisdiction to even suggest anything about the condition." He says.

"Yeah... I've wanted to say something but it doesn't seem like my place, and they seem pretty certain they have it handled.

The conversation veers off after that and the two of you continue people-watching.

____________________________________________________

Hoseok doesn't really give Yoongi a choice as he swings the jackal around with him in time to the music playing. And Yoongi's sure he wouldn't want it any other way. He lets the human twirl and dip him, laughing as Hoseok leans in close to kiss him. The song changes to something much slower and he finds himself wrapped in Hobi's embrace, barely an inch between them.

"Are you enjoying your solstice puppy"

Yoongi grimaces at the joking nickname Hoseok had decided to give him. He pushes away from him in protest, but it's halfhearted and he remains firmly in Hoseok's grasp.

"I was." He sighs dramatically, before giggling. "Are you Jagi?"

"Very much so. It's nice having such a big group to celebrate with."

The two glance around at the others.

"Do you want to tell me your wish?" Yoongi asks.

"I thought Namjoon said you weren't allowed to ask?" Hoseok raises an eyebrow.

"We are allowed to ask, we just aren't allowed to push." He shrugs "If you don't want to tell me you don't have to."

"It's a good job I want to tell you then isn't it." Hobi's voice is teasing. "I wished to do this again next year, exactly the same way as this year... well almost exactly the same."

"Oh yeah? What do you want to change, maybe it's something we can make happen tonight?" Yoongi sounds concerned thinking he'd missed something.

Hoseok reaches out to smooth the wrinkle that had appeared between the older man's brow.

"I think it would be a bit ambitious to hope to be romancing more of our members than just you tonight." He shrugs

"Oh really? I reckon any one of them would happily fall to their knees for you if you asked. Who is your eye on?" Yoongi asks.

He turns Hobi in his arms, holding him around the waist so their hips grind together. They spin together looking at all of their friends in turn.

"Is it Namjoon? His lips feel so nice against your skin, they are so pillowy. Or is it Jiminie? Have you been picturing his pretty little hands ghosting over your skin? Or have you dared to think of our forbidden little fox? I bet she would sound really beautiful if you bit her lip just a little." Yoongi whispers suggestively into Hoseok's ear.

"Is it bad if I say I want them all?" Hoseok answers, leaning his head back onto Yoongi's shoulder. "I'll even take the doc if he is an option... Have you seen his shoulders?" Hobi practically moans.

"I don't know about the doctor I'm afraid, although if Kookie has his way he might become a permanent feature. Have you seen the way the poor bunny looks at the man? And Kookie gets what Kookie wants."

"And don't get me started on Y/N, did you see her and Jimin earlier?" Hobi asks, standing up straighter so he can look at Yoongi's face properly.

"I didn't? why?" Yoongi released the other from his hold, the flirty tone gone as it's replaced with intrigue.

"He finally made his move, and kissed her while we were walking earlier."

The two of them get a little too excited about the prospect of what this could mean.

"Here I was worried when I scented her the other day. She flinched so far away I thought I'd spooked her for good."

"Well, that seems a little dramatic."

"Okay maybe it wasn't that bad, but it felt bad." Yoongi pouts.

"Looks like she is coming around, maybe she was just surprised," Hoseok says leaning in to kiss the frown away.

___________________________________________________

"Down the hatch Jiminie," Taehyung says.

He holds Jimin's chin in place with his finger and thumb as he pours yet another shot down the red-heads throat. The little panda takes it like a champ swallowing the entire shot easily. Taehyung wipes away the excess from his lip. He can't resist the plush feeling against his thumb. He doesn't expect the way that Jimin takes the opportunity to suck his finger, finishing off the last drip of alcohol.

He can't really control himself when he leans in to kiss the other man. It's a sloppy drunken kiss but it feels perfect in the moment.

Maybe Taehyung had always intended for Y/N to be his next kiss but this felt right. Something about Jimin was too interesting, too alluring, too sweet.

They don't pull back until Taehyung's lungs are burning for a proper breath.

"I'm..m sorry." Jimin hiccups, but his smile suggests he is anything but.

"You are so pretty," Taehyung says before diving in for one more kiss.

This time it's slower, a little more chaste, and ends a lot quicker.

"This wasn't how my slow and charming courting plan was supposed to go..." Taehyung says.

He takes Jimin's hand in his and starts to draw little patterns on the skin.

"I have slow with Y/N, this is much more satisfying..." Jimin admits.

"Oh good, because I would hate if we decided to slow down after that. I don't think I ever want to stop touching you now."

"I you really want to touch me then we should go and dance." Jimin winks.

He pulls away from Taehyung and runs across the hill to where Hoseok and Yoongi are dancing together. Taehyung laughs and follows him gladly.

_______________________________________________________

"How was your first solstice, my love," Namjoon asks as he pulls Jungkook to him.

"The colours were so cool hyung," Jungkook says as he nestles into Namjoon's chest. "I've had so much fun today."

"What were your favourite parts?"

"There are so many." Jungkook thinks for a minute. "Opening presents was fun."

"Is that it?" Namjoon laughs.

"Of course not. The food was delicious, I liked talking to Hoseok on our walk, seeing Jimin finally kiss Y/N, The pretty colours, right now in your arms. So many things." The bunny says, each item running into the other.

Jungkook speaks so fast that he almost misses what Jungkook is really telling him.

"Wait?" His brain takes a moment to process the information it's been given. "Jimin kissed Y/N?"

"Yeah... during the walk, did you not see them. They didn't really try to hide it." Jungkook takes a step back from Namjoon.

"I didn't, no... guess I was too invested in what Jin had been talking about."

Jungkook looked a whole other kind of excited at the realisation that Namjoon had been so wrapped up in Jin that he hadn't been paying obsessive attention to the pack as he might usually have done. The bear so rarely lets himself relax it's nice to know he got to take a break today. It also suggests he could be forming a friendship with the doctor meaning Jungkook could see him more...

"Well they did, Hobi and I saw it. I don't think it lasted long. Hoseok seemed concerned they were falling behind so he called out to them."

"Yeah, I bet that was the reason." Namjoon shakes his head. Humans are so easily jealous. "But if that's true and Jimin has finally made his move that means the rest of us can maybe start to take our relationship with Y/N in a more romantic direction."

Jungkook thinks about it a little. He has been perfectly happy with the friendship he has been building with the fox. It felt nice to cuddle with her and be close but he wasn't sure if he wanted more from their relationship, he wasn't prepared to let another person in that could leave him, especially when they knew so little about the life you had come from. He still wasn't particularly happy about the others persuing you romantically.

Namjoon on the other hand has too many thoughts going through his head. Thoughts about how he can blur lines in your relationship in ways you would feel comfortable with but would definitely feel more romantic than friendly. Ever since he had kept you warm at the supermarket, your scent had lingered in his mind and he was constantly looking for reasonable reasons to touch you, but they rarely seemed to appear organically.

"Let's not think too hard on it tonight Hyung. I feel like I haven't had you to myself all day." Jungkook whines a little.

"Okay, love. Do you want to talk about something? Or do you just want me to hold you?"

"How about we dance?" The younger man asks.

As he takes Namjoon to walk towards the speaker, Jimin runs in front of them closely tailed by Taehyung.

___________________

It isn't long until the others summon you and Jin to join them and the eight of you dance until the fire is almost dead and the sun is appearing over the horizon, leaving the following day a complete write-off.

Masterlist

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#bts hybrids #bts fic #bts smut #kpop smut #kpop fic #bts imagines #jungkook smut #namjoon smut #jimin smut #yoongi smut #polyamorous bts #bts polyamory #jin smut #hoseok smut #taehyung smut #bts fluff #bts slowburn

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amidstnamjin-and-binchanlix · 10 months

Text

fight off the light tonight and just stay with me (honey, don't you leave) || ot7

Warnings: a teeny tiny bit of blood, mentions of hospitals and surgery, heavy angst(?)

I won't control you, but MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. This is not for you, please.

Pairings: OT7/(F) Reader, Jackson Wang/(F) Reader

Plot: Will it be too late for them to try and make things right?

Genre: not really unrequited love (but they're all idiots), mutual pining, angst, denial of feelings, poly ot7

Did you ever love her? Do you know?

Or did you never want to be alone?

And she was singing "Baby, come home."

"Baby, come home."

I've got those jet pack blues

Fight off the light tonight and just stay with me;

Honey, don't you leave.

mixtape: all i have left to give - part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - ending 1

thank you so much because this fic was my first one to reach more than 10 kudos in ao3 and some peeps liked the first part enough to reblog to want to read the next part you don't know how much it means to me :o oh my fucking god how did that happen??? thank you so friggin much!!!

sorry if my summaries are all song lyrics owo i just love taking inspiration from them when i write because i can't find the old me who can write and word vomit in a drop of a hat huahuahauhauhauahuahauaau am sorry my bad

bit of warning for some teeny tiny blood and hospitals but no one will die, i promise! i mean not yet, so far i haven't thought that far yet.

also!!!! i'm not a medical expert so please let me know if there are inaccuracies because there are bound to be, no matter how much research i do or how much i ask from doctor frens hueheuheuuefhiuf

title from Jet Pack Blues by Fall Out Boy because fuck yeah i wouldn't get them as a first tattoo if i didn't love them so much

hope i don't disappoint! if i do, i'm so sorry hahahuhu my mom always told me i'm a disappointment so there's kinda nothing new

hope i can write the next parts soon T_T

❤️‍🩹

You can feel the string in your chest slowly fraying.

You never thought that is possible. After all, the strings are connected to the soul and can never be seen. However, when you started the therapy, you started feeling it fray. Slowly and painfully. You don't know how and why, you just do.

Your symptoms are worsening, too. Doctor Im advised you against overworking and stressing yourself but how can you not? It feels like no matter what you do or where you turn, the boys are there. Your only escape is your work and in your line of work, stress is inevitable, so you have no choice but to endure it. At least at work, you are in control. At least at work, you don't have to think about being unwanted—your clients are the ones who request your services, after all.

You don't know what to feel, really. It feels like fate is pushing you to your limits and wants to see you suffer.

Look, even you can admit to yourself that there's no need to undergo the therapy. Your soulmates can go get fucked and feel your pain through the bond.

But you can't have that, can you?

You're not one to lie to yourself, you know why you feel this way. Aside from the fact that fate (unfortunately) assigned you seven soulmates who can give less of a fuck about you, you know deep down that you want to be with them and not just because your souls were linked to each other.

You're in with love them, period.

You've seen them through their bests and their worsts, and you're still hopelessly in love with them. You've seen their sides that they never dare show you, the beauty they unfairly grant other people but not you. You've also seen their worst, the ugliness seemingly reserved for you alone, but the longing is still there.

You can't help it, and you're sadly fucked no matter how you look at it.

As you massage your perpetually aching chest, you also think how your dignity and pride are the only ones you have left. While it might be a rush of satisfaction to see them squirm, it is at the cost of your pride. You learned early on in life that you can never show your emotions—most especially your weakness—with how many times people fucked you over by using them against you.

In this case, you have to endure every pain to save face. So if it helps everyone sleep at night, then you'll give them what they want. If they don't want you, then you'll just have to remove yourself from the equation altogether. Simple math.

You snort. You're being too dramatic. You're used to this, you tell yourself. From your mother to the few lovers you had; there was always something wrong with you, something lacking. You're never needed in your whole life, so it was easy for them to leave you. It was always the easiest choice to not choose you. Why are you crying about it now?

You shake your head with a resigned sigh. There's no use regretting this. You swore to yourself you would stop regretting things you do and now is the time to stand by it. For yourself, and for the inner child in you who did nothing but run after people who turned their backs on her.

You try to stave off the pounding behind your temples by rubbing your eyes with your palms. While you are thankful that the meds seem to be working and the boys can't feel any input of emotions from you through your bond, the medicines and treatments are such pains in the ass. Fucking side effects.

Speaking of side effects, Doctor Im told you that one side effect would be them not feeling any of the emotions you feel, but you would still feel theirs, the latter possibly more potently than normal. You tried to test the emotion theory before, afraid that it will fail and the meds won't work. This is your only chance at walking away with your precious pride intact, so this should work. This has to work.

"It might take a while, but your emotions shouldn't reach through their strings anymore once you continuously undergo the whole therapy process," Doctor Im had said.

"You would still feel theirs, unfortunately." He looks at you tenderly, albeit with not an ounce of pity. That's okay, you don't want anyone's pity. "You'll be more attuned to them than a normal person is to their soulmate because your soul will be tender from all the treatments."

Doctor Im Jiho is kind, a little young for his profession if you say so yourself, but he is brilliant. It's what made you trust him. Even if the therapy is still not ratified and recognized legally, and still in its human trial stages, something about how passionately Doctor Im explained the whole therapy process and what it entails just screamed 'I know what the fuck I am doing'.

Or he should. Please let it be true, or you'll just rip your lungs out of your ribs and unalive yourself. So far though, Doctor Im and his team delivered.

Back to the emotion theory you have.

You wanted to see if the therapy works. Since soulmates can feel each others' extreme emotions, going through soul-scraping therapy shouldn't send any of yours to their end of the bond. To be sure, you waited a month into the treatments to start with the observation.

Since you've been keeping your distance and you cannot see it for yourself, you asked for help from Ae-cha and their other managers, most especially Kyunghee. They understood and agreed with no questions asked, and for that, you are eternally grateful.

You asked them for even the slightest changes in the boys' behavior during times when you know your emotions were at high. So far, there were none. It's either the meds are really working or they are just good at masking it. The second would be implausible, knowing how anything related to you would be a nuisance for them. They would make their displeasure known about it, you're sure.

Sejin, however, you're not sure you can face his pitying eyes again, so you never asked him. You don't want to hear the pitying tone in his voice one more time either. Once is more than enough to last for your lifetime.

You are just about to reach for the medicine bottle when you feel your eyeballs twitch rapidly from behind your eyelids and the pounding in your temples grow louder.

God, not now. You still have that meeting set with your lawyers. Not now.

You dial your assistant's number shakily.

"Joy, can you please phone Attorney Shin for me?" You say to the phone through your coughs, the air in your chest feels like slowly being squeezed out of you.

"Are you okay, [Name]?" Comes your assistant's concerned voice through the phone speaker. "Do you want me to call Doctor Im?"

You take the glass of water on your table with shaking hands. "I'm okay. I'm okay." You take big gulps of water, but the feeling doesn't pass. "There's no need."

Joy ignores the last part. "I'm going there, wait for me."

You go to tell her not to bother, but she hangs up before you can. A few minutes later, Joy comes through the door slightly panting.

"[Name]!" Joy takes hurried steps toward you, but you weakly wave her off. "You look like death. Jeez, I'm calling Doctor Im!"

"No, no! I'm—" You burst into another fit of whooping coughs and faintly hear Joy's worried voice.

Your hand comes away with splotches of blood, some staining the sleeve of your pullover shirt.

"Oh, shit. Shit, [Name]!" Joy screeches, now terrified. She runs to the doorway and shouts. "Jenny! Jenny! Come quick!"

Footsteps sound shortly later and you hear Jenny's panicked shrieks.

"[Name]? Are you okay?!" You feel Jenny's hand touch your shoulder. "Oh, my god. Dongwoon! Dongwoon!" More footsteps but you don't register them, black spots dancing in your vision.

So maybe you're not okay right now.

Oops, your bad.

You stand up slowly to tell them you're fine. However, before you can even open your mouth, you cough and retch.

More blood.

"[Name]!"

The last thing that registers in your brain are strong arms catching you when you black out, their panicked voices warped in your ears.

(oh, darling. what are we going to do with you?)

---

"I got it! I got it now, hyung," Taehyung says with a grin to Hoseok as Jimin comes back through the door of their practice room.

"Yeah? Let's run that through again?" Hoseok asks with a satisfied smile.

"Okay!" Taehyung nods. The boys are all feeling happy because the choreography turned out really good and is something they are proud of. The good feeling doesn't last long, however, when Jungkook bursts into the room.

"Hyung! Hyung!"

They all turn to look at him, eyebrows raised. Namjoon tsks at him.

"Kook, don't run. How many times do I—"

"[Name]-noona!"

They all freeze.

''She... she..." Jungkook then bursts into breathless tears, which propels Yoongi and Namjoon out of their seats. Jin turns off the music. When Jungkook doesn't continue, Namjoon shakes his shoulders.

"Jungkook, what is it?'" Panic rising in his voice.

"They rushed her to the hospital," Jungkook chokes through his sobs. "Y-Yonsei. They rushed her to Yonsei, hyung."

Their stomach drops at that.

Ever since they discovered by accident that you had been undergoing soul-scraping therapy, they have been keeping an eye on you. It took a while for some of them to accept or maybe even acknowledge you as their other soulmate, some longer than others, but they're getting there.

However, the pit in their stomach and the guilt in their chests never really went away, so they had to do it slowly and inconspicuously. They watched from afar and through their staff, and it pissed them off to no end that they have to do so, but they have to. They want to take it slowly and surely so as not to confuse and overwhelm you, still also confused about what they're feeling themselves.

"Yonsei? Hospital? Are you sure?" Jimin asks. "Why—"

"I don't know, hyung. I just heard Manager Sejin talking to Kyunghee-nim." Jungkook looks lost, tears flowing down his cheeks. "[Name]-noona..."

Jin doesn't even wait for their response, sprinting out of the room to find where Sejin is.

"Jin-hyung!"

He ignores them, spotting Sejin standing with his phone clutched in his hand, and talking to one of their other managers, Kyunghee. The pained expression on their faces and their hushed conversation say everything Jin needs to know.

"Sejin-nim!"

At the sound of his voice, Sejin and Kyunghee both turn to look at him.

Jin halts to a stop in front of the two. "What happened to her?"

"How did you—?"

"Please, Sejin-nim," Jin begs as the others come into view, slightly panting. "I need to know, please."

Sejin looks at Kyunghee, the latter with a grim expression on her face.

"Is it because of the therapy?" When Sejin didn't answer, Jin turns to Kyunghee. "Kyunghee-nim, please."

Kyunghee nods with a solemn expression. "Yes." The others gasp behind him but nothing registers. "Joy told me she'd been getting sicker as of late. She collapsed this morning."

Jungkook's sobs get louder, but Jin paid them all no mind. The only thing on his mind is—

"[Name]." He looks at Sejin with desperation in his eyes. "Take me to her. I want to see her."

Sejin purses his lips, sharing a look with Kyunghee. "I'm afraid I can't do that."

"Why?!" Jin's eyes are shining from unshed tears, frustration bubbling in his chest. "I want to see her. Take me to her, Sejin-nim. Please."

"We have explicit instructions not to let any of you see her," Kyunghee says steadily. "We can't take you there, Jin. I'm sorry."

"If you're not taking me to her, I'll go there by myself," Jin says stubbornly. "I don't care about whose instructions they are; she's my soulmate and I'm seeing her."

"A soulmate you all rejected!" Sejin bursts out sharply. "You all asked her to stay away from you, asked me to talk to her before. Or don't you remember?"

Jin falls silent at that. The others are no better, hanging their heads in shame.

"You didn't see her eyes that day, Jin. I was the one to look the poor girl in the eyes." Sejin's tone softens. "Don't do this to her. Do you want to see her in more pain?"

"I just want to see her," Jin says brokenly. "I won't show myself to her. I'll be gone when she wakes up." Jin pleads. "Please, Sejin-nim. It's all I ask of you, please."

"She explicitly asked me before not to let anyone of you near her, so I can't. We have to respect that."

Jin huffs angrily, turning back to Jungkook. "Yonsei, you said?" He doesn't wait for the response and stalks off, patting for his keys in his pockets.

Shit. He left them in his room.

"Seokjin!" Sejin runs after him, but he ignores him.

"Hyung!" Someone pulls his arm back, and it's Namjoon.

"No!" Jin yanks his arm back. "This stops now, Namjoon."

"Hyung."

"That's our soulmate. Our soulmate!" Jin shakes his head. "Fuck getting burned and left behind—we left her behind. All seven of us. If us getting used and left behind by people who are not our soulmates hurt, how do you think that would feel for her, rejecting and leaving her? Her own soulmates!"

"You know why we had to do it!" Namjoon bellows.

"And it's bullshit! She is our actual soulmate, you saw her marks!" Jin yells back. "You know how I felt about this. I told you all how I felt about this, but you didn't listen. Nobody listened to me."

"Hyung, that's enough!" Yoongi growls. "It's unfair for you to put this on us; you agreed to it, too."

"Because I'll lose you all if I don't! You gave me no choice!"

"We never said that!" Hoseok holds Yoongi back from stepping further toward Jin, the latter seething in anger. "We never asked you to do that."

"You get drunk and cry to me, telling me to always choose you and the others. That's not asking me?" Jin sneers. "You always saying how we should always choose each other and no one else, that's not asking me? You asked me to stay away from her even when it hurts choosing between you and her. Do you take me for a fool, Yoongi?"

Jin looks at all of them and they would shrink at the anger that is not normally present on his beautiful face, but they're all too furious to back down.

"I tried to talk to all of you, but no one listened."

He looks at Jimin and Hoseok, and they both look away in guilt. "This is not something you two should be neutral about. She had been nothing but kind to you."

Jin turns and jabs his finger toward Namjoon. "I thought you of all people can be reasoned with, but you let your pride cloud your judgment. I thought you had the brains to see through your fucking ego, but I was clearly wrong."

He then looks at Taehyung, rage marring his face. "And you. Do you think I wouldn't know how you rubbed the rejection in her face like an asshole, Taehyung? Huh? How dare you?"

Jungkook gasps and whips his head toward Taehyung with a hurt expression.

"Hyung?" Jungkook puts his hand on Taehyung's shoulder, who doesn't look back at any of them. "What is he talking about?" Jungkook turns back to Jin, confusion on his teary face. "What are you talking about, Jin-hyung?"

Jin scoffs. "He asked her how it feels to be rejected, and how it feels to run around with people who aren't her soulmates a few months ago at that bar. Didn't you, Taehyung?" The others gasp, their eyes widening as they all turn towards Taehyung, who now looks guiltily away from them.

"And I had to know from Jackson, of all people. Jackson! The asshole didn't hold back in letting me know how it's a good thing [Name] will never be ours. How do you think it feels to stand there and listen to him tell me how stupid I am for dropping my soulmate when I never wanted to in the first place, Taehyung?"

"Taehyung-ah!" Hoseok cried. "Why would you do that to her?"

Taehyung yanks his arm off Hoseok's grasp. "I don't know, okay?! I don't know!" he snarls. "She looked so happy with him and I can't think straight! I wasn't thinking straight." He chokes on his sobs.

"You shouldn't have done that, Taehyung-ah!" Hoseok admonishes. "She didn't do anything wrong to us."

"I know, okay?!" he snaps. "I know we asked her to stay away but I can't help feeling angry that she's so happy without us when all I can think is we asked for this, we wanted this."

Taehyung breaks down and weeps. Hoseok puts his arms around him in a tight hug.

"I didn't know what I was thinking," he cries repeatedly. "I didn't know what I was thinking."

There were a few heavy minutes of silence, save for Taehyung's sobs and Jungkook's sniffles.

"If anything happens to her, I'll never be able to forgive myself." Jin eventually says. "I'm no saint, but I never ever would intentionally hurt [Name] more than we are already doing.

"Even if we try to make things right, it might be too late. But, I still want to try because it's what she deserves. So, I won't let anyone stop me. No one can stop me," Jin looks at them one by one, lingering a little longer on Namjoon's and Yoongi's faces. He takes a deep steadying breath.

"Not any of you can stop me. Not even any of you." He shakes his head. "Not anymore."

He abruptly turns on his heels, and Jungkook runs after him.

Jin needs to see you, and he'll find a way to, even if has to go against anyone's wishes.

He'll find his way to get back to you.

(took him too long, darling. will he make it in time?)

---

In the end, Sejin did take him to the hospital. Jungkook, unsurprisingly, came with him. The younger clung onto him all the way to Yonsei, tears staining his dark shirt.

"I don't want to lose any of you, hyung." Jungkook cries, face buried in Jin's chest. "But I don't want to lose her, too."

"I know," Jin says, voice hoarse. "You won't lose me. I don't want to lose her, too." He buries his in Jungkook's soft locks, trying to keep the tears that had been threatening to spill since he sat in the back of the car.

"We'll make it right this time, Gguk-ah."

---

Jin doesn't know what to expect when the car stops in front of Yonsei Medical Center. He had a plan up until they stopped, the car running idly in the background. Now, he doesn't think he's ready to see you, too afraid of what he'll come across.

He knows he's getting ahead of himself, but he can't help but think that he might be too late, that he had already lost your heart.

No.

He takes a deep breath and steels himself.

He can do this. He can do this for you.

"You ready?" he asks Jungkook. Jin wipes at the stray remaining tears on Jungkook's face and runs his hands through the now-long hair just so he can keep his hands busy and stop them from shaking.

"I don't know, hyung." Jungkook's wide eyes are still glassy. "I'm scared."

Jin smiles gently. "Don't be. Hyung's here." He takes Jungkook's hand on his own. "We have to be strong for her if we want to do it right. Okay?"

"Okay, hyung." Jungkook nods with a small hopeful smile. "Okay."

For all the bravado that he conjured up while in the car, in the elevator, and in the hallways to the sterile room of the ICU, Jin still isn't prepared for what greets him when they take you inside your room.

They had to wait for you to be taken to your room from the operating room. The whole time they were waiting, Jin can't stop his leg from jiggling and Jungkook was no better, pacing around the room while lost in his thoughts.

Then the door opened.

He stands and gasps in sync with Jungkook's own, and he has to stop himself from falling to the floor.

When they said that you collapsed, he was thinking that maybe you were just overworked. That, and that the therapy's side effects just added to it. You'll be fine, you'll be okay.

This... this is far from what he expected. This is definitely not fine, and this is way worse.

You are hooked on different machines and it scares him to death. Your skin is pale and frail with bluish spots and rashes all over your face and skin, and your lips are almost blue. Your hands and fingers have spots of violet, green and grayish tints.

You look like death.

Jungkook breaks into sobs, calling your name as Jin stands there frozen. He only snaps out of it when one of the nurses stops Jungkook from running to your side and grasping your hand.

"We have specific instructions from her doctor not to allow skin contact with the patient, not until we know who her soulmate is," the nurse says as she wheels your bed to place, putting a hand to stop Jungkook from getting closer to the bed.

"That's us," Jungkook says as Jin steps behind him. "We're her soulmates."

If Jungkook thinks that this will make the nurse relent, he's sorely mistaken.

The nurse shakes her head resolutely. "All the more reason you are both not allowed to have skin-to-skin contact with the patient."

"What?" Jin blurts out.

"I'm not at liberty to discuss information about Miss [Last Name]'s condition," the nurse points out. "We advise waiting for Doctor Choi. He'll be here in a few minutes."

Jin is itching to just fuck it and take your hand, but he knows it would not be wise until they speak to the doctor.

Doctor Choi can't arrive fast enough.

Jin pulls Jungkook down to sit beside him as they see the nurses fuss over you. He has no choice but to resist the urge to touch and hover over you as his chest pulls him to do. He doesn't want to risk hurting or harming you further, so he sits on the couch and puts his hand on Jungkook's knee instead.

"What's taking them so long, hyung?" Jungkook's knee is jiggling, and Jin pats him gently. Jin looks calm outwardly, but his shaking hands betray him. "Why is her doctor not here yet?"

"I don't know, Gguk-ah, but we have to be patient."

Jungkook looks at him with furrowed brows. "How can you be so calm about this?" His eyes sparkle with unshed tears.

Jin laces his hand with Jungkook's, still shaking. It then dawns on Jungkook that Jin is anything but calm.

"I'm not." Jin takes a deep breath, otherwise, the tears he tries so hard to suppress will start pouring. "I'm not, but I have to."

He looks at where you're lying on the bed.

"We have to, Gguk. She needs us right now. We need to set things right, and we can't do that if we fall apart right now. Okay?"

It's then that the door to your suite opens. Jin and Jungkook both stand at the sound and in strides whom Jin recognizes as Doctor Im from his visits to you, and another doctor whom he presumes as Doctor Choi.

"Oh. Mr. Kim. Mr. Jeon," Jin and Jungkook bow slightly at the acknowledgment, "I didn't expect to see you two here."

That sends a pang to Jin's chest, but he ignores it. He knows they deserve the unintended jab.

"Should I expect the others to arrive soon?" the doctor asks.

Should they?

"We're honestly not sure, Doc." Manager Sejin, as usual, saves the day. "Kim Sejin." Sejin holds his hand out to shake the doctors' hands.

"Im Jiho, Animaelogy specialist." Doctor Im shakes his hand and points to the doctor beside him. "This is Doctor Choi Daeseong, head surgeon for Yonsei Medical." The other doctor shakes Sejin's hand.

"Due to the nature of Miss [Last Name]'s case, we would have to request the rest of the security detail present to leave the room for a while. You three can stay, but that's as far as we can allow for this discussion."

Sejin nods. "That will be no problem." He nods at the two men standing by the door, who immediately bow and take their leave. The nurses slowly file out of the room as well.

The two doctors walk toward your prone figure, and Jin and Jungkook follow suit. Doctor Im makes a short check of your vitals, while Doctor Choi checks you with gentle hands and looks at your charts. Once done, the two doctors turn toward the three remaining men in the room.

"Is there someone we can talk to from Miss [Name]'s team about her overall condition and routines these past few weeks or months?" Doctor Im asks.

"We can ask Joy Song from her team, as well as Jenny Ri. They're her closest assistants, so they can provide information. I last saw them trying to contact [Name]'s lawyers." Sejin supplies.

Doctor Im nods. "I see." He takes a quick look towards you before turning back to them. "I'm afraid [Name] isn't doing too good right now.

Jungkook finds Jin's still shaking hands, lower lip trapped between his bunny teeth.

"It's a good thing that her team was able to rush her in right away. If not, the situation would have been graver than it is now."

Jin's heart stops.

"G-grave?" he asks, voice trembling. "What do you mean 'grave'?"

It's Doctor Choi who speaks this time.

"When Miss [Last Name] was brought in for the emergency surgery, we had to do an emergency septal myectomy." Doctor Choi holds up a film of a scan, presumably [Name]'s.

"This is Miss [Last Name]'s echocardiogram." He points at a white portion in the middle of the scan, and Jin's head swims. "Miss [Last Name]'s septum is drastically thicker than that of a person with a healthy heart, so it prevented healthy blood flow to the chambers of her heart. Added to the treatments she was undergoing, it caused abnormal and uneven blood flow to her heart and the rest of her body, and caused complications that were...life-threatening."

Doctor Im looks at the other doctor. "It appears that [Name] has been hiding her symptoms since our last meeting, possibly way longer, so it was left untreated."

"What happened, Doc?" Sejin asks as he looks between the two doctors. "Is she going to be okay?"

The doctors share a grim look, one that Jin notices.

"What is it?" he asks, eyes darting between the two.

"Her heart nearly gave out from the heavy stress her body was in, Mr. Kim. Her blood wasn't being properly pumped and filtered, and her immune system was heavily compromised, so she suffered from bilateral pneumonia, which also affected her bloodstream.

Doctor Im takes off his glasses and sighs heavily. "She had septic shock caused by sepsis."

"She almost didn't make it." Doctor Choi says. Jin gasps in sync with Jungkook, the latter almost collapsing to the floor. "She went into cardiac arrest on the table, but we were able to bring her back."

(jin thinks his heart can't get any more bruised than it already is. your poor heart is battered literally and metaphorically. how can he possibly fix it for you?)

(he should've never listened when they asked him to stay away from you. he should've fought for you and with you, that way you're not alone.)

"But she's going to be okay, isn't she?" Sejin asks what the other two can't, what they're too afraid to ask.

Doctor Choi pauses before he shakes his head with pursed lips. "I'm afraid we can't really tell right now. We put her in an induced coma while we try to let her body recover, and we administered treatments, which will continue within the next few days. We can only hope for the best."

"Hope for the best?!" Jungkook cries his first words since the two doctors entered the suite, and looks up at them with tears now steadily running down his cheeks. "So we do nothing?!"

"Unfortunately, so." Jungkook finally loses it and collapses onto the floor on his knees, staring into nothing. "We have done everything we could for now, and we'd have to run some more tests in a few days. But right now, we can only monitor her. An induced coma is the best bet we have to let her body rest and the for treatments to take effect."

Induced coma.

Jin's head is swimming with those two words as he walks closer to your prone figure and reaches out to mindlessly grasp your hand, but a hand stops his wrist.

"I'm afraid we have to advise you not to touch or make any skin-to-skin contact with Miss [Last Name] right now, most especially since you're her soulmate."

"What?" Jin asks dumbly.

"One of the side effects of the therapy is skin burns when the person comes in contact skin-to-skin with their soulmate, so skin-to-skin contact is highly discouraged."

Jin feels like his whole being wants to shatter. He can't love you, and he can't touch you? Was this how you felt all this time?

Before he can even make any further moves, the door to your suite opens, and in bursts Jackson, panting heavily.

Jin can't even find it in himself to be mad. After all, Jackson was there when you needed someone the most. No matter how it hurts him that there's another person who holds your hand, he can't do anything about it. They weren't there for you, he wasn't there for you. The least they can do is let you find someone else to hold when you need to.

Jackson crosses the room at record speed straight to you, grasping your hand delicately with a pained gasp. His manager is tailing behind and closes the door gently.

Jackson lets go of your hand gently and turns to the doctors. "Is she gonna be okay?"

"Im Jiho, Miss [Last Name]'s animaelogy physician." Jackson grasps the doctor's hand, as well as Doctor Choi's hand in a firm handshake. "This is Doctor Choi Daeseong, head surgeon for Yonsei."

"Jackson Wang." He smiles politely. "Is she gonna be okay?" He repeats.

"I assume Miss [Last Name] has made you aware of her treatments since she informed me she made you her next of kin?" Doctor Im asks.

Jackson's face darkens. "Yes, she did."

Doctor Im nods his head. "I'm afraid Miss [Last Name] is not doing so well right now. We would need to keep her in a coma for a while as we observe her and let the treatments take effect."

Jackson's eyebrows furrow. "Isn't that dangerous? How long would that take?"

"We'd need to assess first within the next few days. Right now, we cannot provide or guarantee until when she will need to be, but we'll do our best, Mr. Wang. I can assure you that."

Jackson nods but turns to Jin, his gaze hardening. "This is your fault." He looks at Jungkook, then back to Jin. "Why are you two here? Who gave you the right to be here?"

"We're her soulmates," Jungkook says coldly, to which Jackson snorts. Jungkook gets up from the floor swiftly. "We have every right to be here."

"Do you, Jungkook? After you all left her, do you really think you still have the right to be here? And for what? To make sure she's dead?"

Jungkook takes an angry step closer to Jackson, his face painted with rage. "What did you fucking say, you asshole?!" Sejin, the doctors, and Jackson's manager step between them. "Say that again, you motherfucker. I fucking dare you."

"Isn't that what you came here for, to make sure she stays away for good? Isn't that what you wanted?" Jackson is red in the face as the security detail rushes to the room.

"I'm still her soulmate, know your fucking place!" Jungkook shouts back, Jin holding him back by his chest. "In the eyes of the law, we have every right to be here."

"You gave up those rights when you rejected her, so you can shove that law up your ass and fuck off." Jackson's manager holds him back by wrapping his arms around Jackson's shoulders.

Jungkook can vaguely hear the doctors speaking to Sejin, but he pays them no mind. "I'm not leaving her here alone, so you can go get fucked."

"Jungkook." Sejin holds him by his shoulders. "I think it's best if we come back another day."

"I'm not leaving her again!" Jungkook cries.

"We're all emotional, and it will not help [Name] if one of you ends up in the ER." Jungkook looks at your peaceful figure, unaware of the disorder around you, and it hurts him. He feels his hands yearn to touch you but he can't, he doesn't want to hurt you. "Come on, I'll take you and Seokjin home."

Jungkook's expression crumples as he looks at Sejin. "But—"

"We'll come back, I promise." Jungkook's breathing is heavy, but Sejin's expression is steadfast. "I promise."

Jungkook has no choice but to concede. He turns back to Jackson. "You can't keep me away from her forever. I'll come back for her."

Jackson opens his mouth to retort that you don't need them, but his manager stops him.

"I'll come back for her, and no one can stop me. Unless it comes from her mouth that she doesn't want me here, I will be here." Jungkook chances one more look at you before he shrugs off the arms around him and stalks out of the room. Jin, who had been quiet all throughout the ordeal takes one good look at you before following suit, not even sparing Jackson a glance.

No one can keep them away from you. They'll stop at nothing just to do what they should've done before—give you all the love you deserve. Until you tell them that you don't want them in your life, they'll spend forever to try and make it up to you.

And make it up to you, they will.

---

#bts soulmate au #polyamorous bts #soul bonds #soulmate rejection #they're idiots your honor #i really dk what i'm doing i'm so so sorry #i mean there will be no fic if there are no idiots in denial #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook

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arentyouafraidofmydarkness · 2 years

Text

Chapter 1: I Am a Witch

Summary: Persephone Keres is a witch with a dark past; she never imagined that a knock on her door from the celebrity and her current boss, Kim Taehyung would lead her right to what she was running from. When she started working for the biggest band in the world as a stylist, she believed she was finally escaping her fate but the Gods had entangled their destinies, and now the only way to survive what was coming was… together.

Genre: fantasy, polyamorous relationship, witches, bts idol au, romance, fluff, angst

Pairing: BTS x Female original character

Rating: Mature (may include violence, sex, smoking, cursing)

Word count: 7.0k+

Cross posted on Ao3 and Wattpad

Masterlist | Next Chapter >

My hotel room looked like a tornado passed through but I couldn’t find my lighter, my needed for a cigarette was starting to become desperation. Travel days always got on my nerves. My Witch side didn’t respond that well to airplanes.

A strong knock on my door made me stop my search, with slight resignation I stood from my current position on the floor, replied a “coming” while grabbing my purse and proceeded to go answer the door.

To say that I wasn’t expecting the person that was standing on the other side of the door was an understatement, it took me a whole 30 second to react and make a 90 degree bow.

“Mr. Kim good night, is there anything I can do for you?” Kim Taehyung, a member of the largest boyband in the world… and my boss was standing in front of my door scratching his head, grinning like a teenager about to ask permission to go out to his parents.

“Hi” he did a quick bow “are you Persephone? Sorry to bother you but one of the other stylist may have said that you where the one to see if I wanted a cigarette.” This makes me chuckle.

“Please call me Seph and I guess my reputation precedes me” I start searching in my bag and pulling packs out “So… I have menthol, chocolate, reds and some rose and lavender that I roll myself” I wave the four packs in the air, his boxy grin gets a little bigger, which makes me add “I may have some vapes inside as well if you want me to search for them…”

He lets out a little laugh waving his hands “No, no, if you sell me a pair of menthol ones I would be eternally grateful.” I hand him the pack.

“You can keep the pack, is there anything else I can do for you Mr. Kim?”

“Oh, how much do I owe you?”

“Nothing, don’t even worry. I have more and I should seriously stop smoking” I give him a huge smile “If that is all Mr. Kim, have a goodnight.” I bow, closing the door and start heading towards the elevators

“Actually…” his voice stops me “are you going out?” I turn, he is scratching his head again with the mischievous grin.

“Yup, I was heading to grab a smoke and an ice cream from my favorite place in the city” His eyes grow a little bigger getting a cute little spark in them “Do… you… wanna… come?” His answer is an enthusiastic nod accompanied with a huge boxy grin “Great. Do you have to go grab a cap, a mask?” He nods again, making me laugh a little “I will see you in the lobby in five?” He nods a third time and sprints to what I assume is his room.

I’m waiting by the lobby door, my mind berating me for inviting my boss to come grab an ice-cream with me, there is no scenario where this is not a bad idea. Crap. My magic sits restless in my stomach, a product of my own anxiety. There is an endless list of why I should have kept my mouth shut, starting with the fact that absolutely no one within the company, and specially not my seven bosses, knew anything about the Witching World or the danger they may face, if certain people where to see them near me outside of a professional environment. That’s exactly why I had accepted the job on my terms of being a ‘back of house’ stylist, which basically consisted in helping with the conceptualization of looks and dealing with international brands to get the pieces for the outfits we needed which meant I had little to no interaction with the boys whatsoever.

I seriously can’t believe how my mouth had betrayed me that way. My magic was becoming more and more restless in the pit of my stomach, when the feeling of a light tap tap on my shoulder pulls me out of my thoughts, making me turn around to find a tall slim guy dressed in jeans and a knit cream sweater with a black mask and black beret hat over his brown fluffy curls. His attempt to hide is identity was cute and mostly useless considering how their fans could recognize them from the tip of their ears, to avoid any uncomfortable situation I cast a quick spell to actually hide who he was, it may not work for magical being but there was no way the regular human eye would recognize him tonight.

“Okay, I’m ready to go. Let me follow you to the magical ice-cream place you where talking about” He began bouncing on the ball of his feet and it was easy to tell he was smiling with anticipation bellow his mask.

We walk out of the hotel to the fresh night air of early March. For the first time in a couple of days I take a deep breath filling my lungs, my magic steading a bit more at the sight of the Arno river, water always helped with grounding. Right in front of us we had the view of Florence’s lights dancing in the water, an instant pang of nostalgia struck my chest, I missed this city so much, I missed the cobblestone streets, the smell of fresh espresso in the mornings and fresh baked pastries at night, the sweetness of drinking in the afternoon a glass of wine with a delicious pizza, the weekend trips all over Tuscany, the buzz of ancient magic that flows trough the city… a loud “whoa” pulled me out of my thoughts.

“It’s gorgeous right?” I can’t help but ask. Taehyung nods enthusiastically. “Let’s go. We have to cross to the other side of the river” We start walking, both of us pulling our cigarettes “Shit, forgot I lost my lighter. By any chance you have one Mr. Kim?” His melodic laugh startles me a little.

“I have one and I will only lend it to you if you stop calling me Mr. Kim, call me Taehyung-ssi or Tae if you are feeling bold but please I’m begging” he trows his hands in the air very dramatically “I’M BEGGING, stop the formality” His drama was hilarious, actually making me laugh.

“Fine, fine, can you please lend me your lighter? It’s been such a long day and I really need a cigarette.” He smiles, lights my cigarette and proceeds to light his. The heavenly feel of the first drag, the way the smoke caresses my throat feels just right, I let out a deep breathe and my sight becomes clouded with smoke and just for a moment I feel steady and calm.

We walk in silence, enjoying our cigarettes, the murmur of the city, the flow of the river. We start crossing the Carraia Bridge and when we reach the middle Taehyung stops and leans into the old stone taking in the view of city.

“You know? Its my first time in the city, and I have walked like… one street and half a bridge but it kinda feels magical” His deep voice matches the Florence night vibe down to a T.

“It does, doesn’t it?” Little did he knew, how right he was, this was a city filled with ancient magic. He answers with a soft ‘mhm’.

We continue walking until we reach Sbrinos, a small ice-cream shop that makes hand made gelato and every day offers a variety of different flavors, it’s widely popular and it might have something to do with the fact that the owner infuses a little bit of magic when he churns the gelatos, taking advantage of the ingredient’s properties. Dante was one of the best herbalists healers in the witching world. We go inside the tiny gelateria, the insides are beautiful, the stone walls covered in vines and local artists paints.

I spot the huge man behind the counter serving a young boy, his broad shoulders hunched while he serves the gelato. Dante may be a 6’2” giant, with a muscular broad body but in reality his bearded face, tatted arms and piercing glance where just the facade of a big ass teddybear, the fact that he extended his magical abilities towards his hobby of making gelato was a testament to his soft personality. When he feels the two new presences his heads lifts and a loud booming voice is calling my name.

“Seph! Bellissima, come stai? Mi mancano tuoi visite di mezzanotte amore” I can’t help but laugh at my best-friend’s stupid antiques, of course he misses my midnight visits, we would gossip about all the Italian fuck boys we encountered, and Dante was the worst busybody in the whole Tuscany region.

“Dante, I missed you too! How have you been? How is Stephan?” He hands the ice-cream to the little boy and walks around the counter to embrace me in a huge bear hug.

“I have been doing good Amore, business is doing great and Stephan is been amazing, he took me on a surprise trip to Venice last week, one of the must romantic weekends of my life.” He is grinning from ear to ear “But how about you principessa? You are always so busy with work and you haven’t come to visit in six months, you know Mrs. Rossi is gonna throw a pot in your head when she sees you right? She is pissed, keeps saying you have to take a break.” I cringe at that. I was planning to surprise Mrs. Rossi with breakfast tomorrow, I know the 90 year old seer thinks I’m overworking myself, because she tells me so every time I call, and I know she will berate me to dead when she sees how much weight I have lost in the last months. Dante must notice my pout because he lets out a loud laugh and hugs me again. “So are you here for pleasure Amore?” I can’t help but laugh again.

“I wish. Actually, I’m working but it’s good because it’s a light schedule and I get to spend the next three weeks and a half here, which makes me extremely happy.” We came to Florence because the boys where shooting some concept photos for some projects taking advantage of the fact that they had a big photo shoot and the recording of a fashion film as brand ambassadors for an up and coming brand. My job was technically easy this weeks because we planned this concepts for months, we had the looks ready to go and for the brand shooting they where the ones bringing the pieces, I just had to coordinate the sizes, styles and preferences for each boy with the brand beforehand which meant I just had to show up and make sure everything ran smoothly in the set. “Let’s say it’s almost like vacations”

Dante tsks and flicks my nose

“Don’t talk anymore Amore! You are breaking my heart, have I taught you nothing? Work hard but don’t forget to enjoy life.” Just then he remembers I’m not alone and I realize we have been talking in Italian all the time, which seems like a rude thing to do to your boss. What is worse is how Dante is eating alive Taehyung, making him squirm under his gaze which makes me punch his arm, hard, making him wince. “I’m sorry we have been so rude, I’m Dante. Are you one of Seph’s boyfriends? Do I need to threaten you?” This earns him another punch on this arm.

“DANTE!! WHAT THE FUCK?!” I shriek, but Taehyung only laughs and crosses his arms signaling a no, with the very Korean gesture.

“No, actually I am one of her…” He pauses considering what to say. “coworkers. My name is Taehyung” he bows and extends his army in greeting “but I am curious to hear all about her boyfriends, I’m always down for some good gossip.” I narrow my eyes towards Dante and the bastard just laughs and pats Taehyung on the back.

“Oh, Mr. the amount of stories I have of this girl are unbelievable, you know this once…”

“Don’t you dare Dante! I just properly met Taehyung today, don’t make me never bring anyone again.” I point at him “He just tagged along for the amazing ice-cream I promised.” Dante just shrugged it off.

“Maybe next time she brings you pretty boy, I will be allowed to talk.” He winks and makes Taehyung laugh again. “So today we have your favorite red wine gelato” Dante begins pointing at me and then turning to look at Taehyung. “Which I totally recommend if you want that fuzzy feeling of infatuation and adoration pretty boy or if you want something more creamy to make your night sweeter and comforting you should try the caramello al sale or if what you are looking for is pure euphoria then you have to get a baccio della casa e buonissimo” He starts serving the wine gelato “So what can I get for you pretty boy? What do you crave?” Taehyung looks at me as if looking for an answer and then back at Dante.

“I will get the caramel one… please?” He gives Dante his typical boxy grin which I know is melting Dante in the insides, because he throws me a look that says it all. he has always had a soft ass spot for pretty boys and my boss had the one of the prettiest faces in the world only rivaled by his bandmates faces. When Taehyung turns to check some decoration inside the parlor, Dante mouths “You brought a literal god to my shop without warning me! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” That made me wince, I knew my bosses where handsome I wasn’t stupid, but I tried not to think about it, because what would be the point of doing my job more difficult than it already is? So I just tend to ignore their looks. Dante will never let me hear the end of this once we are alone.

He hands us our ice-creams and both me and Taehyung reach out to pay, which leads to a bunch of things happening at once, the first being an incredulously offended face from my boss, he started spewing something in Korean that completely passes over my head because at the same time I got a huge Italian man talking and gesturing at light speed.

“Stop, stop, stop, please! I think my brain just short circuited, I understood absolutely nothing from what you just said and somehow I still feel like a two year old getting scolded”

“Yaah! Of course you are getting scolded, you brought me here, the least I can do is buy you an ice-cream” my boss pouts.

“And while I would normally agree with pretty boy over here, the ice-cream is on the house Amore. You should know this!” Dante crossed his arms and this makes Taehyung grin like an idiot.

“Seph-ssi, I really like your ice-cream maker friend, can I keep him?” I gape at him, its Dante’s turn to laugh and pat my boss on the back. This wasn’t good.

“We are having dinner tomorrow Seph, and before you say that you are too busy for that, I don’t care about any excuse you might pull out of your ass, you are coming to dinner tomorrow. Stephan is gonna die when I tell him you are here for a few weeks.” He then turns to Taehyung “You are invited to pretty boy. My boyfriend is one of the best chefs in the city so, don’t eat much during the day” He really didn’t have to tell him that, these boys had the worst reputation of not taking care of themselves properly “And if this crazy bitch doesn’t want to take you, call me.” My boss chocked at his words but Dante didn’t notice or didn’t care, he just handed him his business hard which made me roll my eyes. This really wasn’t good.

We say our goodbyes and leave. Once we start walking with our ice-creams in hand I can’t help but open my mouth.

“I’m so sorry Mr. Kim, I know Dante is a little bit much but he means well. Sorry that you had to pass as a coworker, If I had known he was working today I would have never brought you, normally he rests on Mondays. I’m so so sorry.” His chuckle takes me by surprise, I wasn’t expecting him to be ok about it.

“Hey, first of all you called me Mr. Kim again, that’s unforgivable. Now you have to take me to your dinner tomorrow, that’s gonna be your punishment.” He winks at me and I’m sure I’m gapping now. “Second I absolutely loved Dante I wasn’t kidding when I said I wanted to keep him and lastly this is the BEST ice-cream I’ve ever tried! I would go trough actual hell flames just to get more of this” This makes me snicker “I have to bring Jiminnie and Kookie and Jinnie. Hell… I have to bring all of them here, they are gonna pass out!” His boxy grin couldn’t be bigger by now. “So… I don’t mean to pry but, are you Italian? Did you grew up here? I was truly surprised when both of you started speaking in Italian, sounded really beautiful.” His voice full of curiosity.

“I took a semester off during college, came here to learn Italian, art history, some fashion” and witchcraft, but I keep that tad bit to myself “ate like crazy, traveled all over Tuscany and met some amazing people along the way.” He just nods.

“That’s how you met Dante?”

“Mhm, I used to live right by where we are staying. You know the church that is in front of the St. Regis? It’s called Chiesa di Ognissanti, my apartment was right beside it, one day my roommate and I were craving ice-cream late at night, we googled a place near by and Dante doesn’t close until midnight, the rest is history.” The fact that he was also a witch was just a lucky coincidence. He nods again, checks his phone and places it back in his pocket.

“Taking advantage of the fact that you lived here, and that you owe me for calling me Mr. Kim, can you recommend a place where we can have an amazing dinner, that is not a tourist trap?” He is giving me the biggest puppy eyes I have ever seen. “Jiminie is spamming me about dinner, apparently he is hungry.”

“Sure, there is this tiny family owned osteria, really close to the hotel. They do the best handmade pasta in town. I don’t know the address but I can walk you and you can send him the location.”

“That be great, Thank you so much Seph-sii!” His Boxy grin was back.

We were waiting by the restaurant, smoking yet another cigarette when a melodic voice boomed in the empty cobblestone street.

“KIM TAEHYUNG YOU HAVE TO STOP THAT DISGUSTING HABBIT OF YOURS!” I turned tomato color and actually choked like a fucking amateur trying a cigarette for the first time. “AND ARE YOU ROPING POOR INNOCENT GIRLS INTO THAT?!” Now you just wanted the earth to open up and swallow me whole.

“Yaah! What’s wrong with you Jimin-ah?!” Taehyung pointed at me and continued “Look what you did! You just embarrassed one of your stylists! If she decided to dress you in feathers and sequins for the shoot, I’m just gonna laugh at your face because you deserve it!” He was pouting while shouting at his best friend and soulmate. Park Jimin, an adorable men, with an angelic face half hidden in a huge scarf, framed by pink wavy locks under a beanie, turns to look at me, I was ready to die, so I did the only thing that seemed logical on my panic and bowed.

“Mr. Park, I’m deeply sorry, when I gave Mr. Kim the cigarette, I didn’t taught it would be a problem! He didn’t rope me into anything I swear, I have been smoking since I was eighteen, nothing to do with Mr. Kim. He was just keeping me company while I smoked.” I could swear I heard Taehyung groan, I knew I was rambling but I couldn’t stop myself “I’m Seph part of your team of stylists and I would never dress you like a psychedelic chick I swear!” The psychedelic chick must have sounded funny because next thing I know is that my pink haired boss is a little ball on the floor laughing his ass off. I could hear Taehyung snickering behind me and just then my brain registered a third laugh coming from the most adorable bunny face ever, the youngest of the bandmates, Jeon Jungkook was holding his muscly body against the wall trying not to fall into hystericals besides Park Jimin. He was the one to gain enough composure to make a really tempting offer.

“If you dress him like a psychedelic chick, I will make sure you get the biggest bonus ever” He manages to say between laughter “please, please, stylist-nim”

“Kookie, don’t tempt her please.” Jimin said while standing “I’m sorry, that was so rude of me. I’m Park Jimin and I know my asshole soulmate tends to be a bad influence, I shouldn’t have assumed. Please don’t listen to Kookie and don’t dress me like a psychedelic chick.” Taehyung snickered again at his friend comment.

“I won’t, you don’t have to worry Mr. Park.” I gave the three of them a polite smile and bowed “I will get going now. Mr. Park, Mr. Kim, Mr. Jeon I hope you enjoy your evening”

“Aish! Seriously why am I still Mr. Kim?” His voice was reflecting the pout his lips where forming “And what are you talking about, what is this about leaving? You are having dinner with us, its the least I can do since you showed me the best ice-cream in the city!”

“What? You went for ice-cream? Without me?” Now the bunny was the one pouting. The cuteness overload. “Hyuuung that is so mean” he continued whining, making Jimin slap the back of Taehyung’s head, making him wince.

“Yah! Kookie is right! So mean Tae!” If Jimin starts pouting I swear to the gods…

“Thank you, for the offer Mr. Kim but I wouldn’t like to intrude” He groaned.

“Seph-ssi, stop with the formalities, besides it’s not up for discussion, you are having dinner with us. You can add it to your job description for the day.” Taehyung gave me an evil smirk, leaving me with absolutely no argument, accepting with a nod, that made him grin.

The little restaurant was not to busy but the nice hostess lady gave us a table in a room that was completely empty for the privacy of the boys.

We were looking at the menu, the boys where discussing what to order when the waiter arrived and asked us if we wanted anything to drink, this made three pair of eyes turn to me, expectantly. Taehyung was the one to speak.

“Seph-ssi why don’t you order for us? You are the one that knows the place and besides we are not really picky when it comes to Italian food” He batted his eyelashes at me, I don’t think I will survive the night if they keep this up, then turned to Jimin. “besides you have to hear her speak Italian, she has the cutest accent ever!” It was loud enough that me and Jungkook heard his alleged whisper across the table, making me turn pink and Jungkook snicker. With a deep breath, I ordered a bottle of wine and several different plates so they could have different options to try. Once the waiter left, the three of them were completely silent, Jungkook was watching me with his doe eyes, Taehyung was grinning knowingly and Jimin was smirking. Jungkook was the one to break the silence.

“Are you Italian?” His tone was dripping with curiosity, like it had millions of questions and this one just scaped. Before I could answer, Taehyung beat me to it.

“Nope, she took a semester off in college and came to have her eat, pray, love era, how cool is that?” The other two boys let out a low ‘whoa’ this just peaked Jungkook’s curiosity even further.

“I had no idea you were a stylist, I mean you are always around and I remember you asking some questions about some clothes, but you never do what the other stylists noonas do. I just assumed you where part of the marketing team or something like that.” Jimin nodding along his words.

“I’m more in charge of the concept behind outfits and with dealing with international brands to get specific pieces to create the looks.” The three boys looked confused but it was Jimin who voiced his question.

“Thats actually the first time I hear that a stylist is in not involved in the whole process. Are you part of like a different team of stylists?” Before I could answer the waiter came with all our food, they tried the plates and moaned in agreement, Jungkook looked a little pissed at how good the food was, furrowing his brows while he continued eating just pausing to look at me expectantly.

“I’m the only one. When I accepted the job offer, my only request was that I would be exclusively involved in the preproduction part of the styling.”

“Why Seph-ssi?” Jungkook tilted his head.

“Well, maybe I should shut up before I lose my job” A nervous laugh scapes, but I can’t seem to actually shut up "I declined when the company first sent the request, but apparently one of you guys had seen some of my work and were pretty adamant about hiring me as your stylist, so the company pushed, made it pretty hard to say no.” Jimin starts choking on his pappardelle, Taehyung automatically patting his back until he calmed down. He took a swig of wine and spoke.

“You are the fashion designer Yoongi-hyung couldn’t stop talking about! You do a lot of experimental design, don’t you?” He was grinning now “I truly believed they couldn’t get you, I knew Yoongi put in the request but he didn’t say anything afterwards and when we didn’t get an evident new member in the stylist team I just assumed… but I should have known something had changed when the clothing started to be a little edgier”

“Does Yoongi-hyung know that you are working for us Seph-ssi?” Taehyung inquired.

“I’m not sure. But my bet is that Mr. Min knows because, one day during my first week a huge arrangement of flowers appeared on my studio, the note wasn’t signed it just said ‘thank you for accepting, means a lot to me’. Never had a clue which one of you was until now.” A soft smile grazes my lips remembering the sweet gesture.

“He is gonna flip when he finds out we had dinner with you. He tends to be a little… possessive” Jungkook sneers, making Taehyung reach over the table to flick his head

“Yaah! Are you trying to scare her? Don’t listen to him, fell as a child, now he is missing must of his grey matter. Please forgive him.” I hold in my laugh.

The dinner continued with a light atmosphere and by the time we finished all our plates and ordered desert, we could just roll back to the hotel after everything we ate.

The walk back to the hotel was quick. The night was getting colder, the light chill of the wind through my clothes made me sigh in contempt, this gained the attention of Jimin who tilted his head in curiosity but said nothing. When we arrived at the hotel we hopped into the elevator.

“We are gonna play video games in Tae’s and Jiminnie's room, do you wanna come?”

“Thank you for the invitation, Mr. Jung but I think I’m going to head to bed, I’m having breakfast really early in the morning and it’s been a long day” I politely declined, and just in time the elevator dinged indicating it had stopped at my floor, I bowed and wished them goodnight. I couldn’t stop smiling, it had been such a nice night, I just hoped this wouldn’t complicate my job or bring any unnecessary danger towards the boys.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was standing outside Mrs. Rossi house, the lavenders she had planted besides her doorstep looked like they where stuck in eternal spring, their color was vibrant, a lot of flowers were either growing or fully grown, the smell so intoxicating, making it easy to get lost in it. This reminded me of home and the lavenders by my bedroom window.

The basket with basket with fresh pastries and some fruit hanged from my arm. I hesitated for a moment before knocking at the door because Mrs. Rossi would make a scene when she sees me, she has a tendency for the dramatic but I loved the old hag. I knocked and almost instantly a shout letting me know someone was coming came from the inside. The door opened and Dorothea, the 12 year old granddaughter of Mrs. Rossi greeted me with a polite smile and a tight hug, as she let me go a petite old woman with a slim frame, soft lilac curly hair that hanged right above her shoulders was pushing Dorothea out of the way and was ready to claim her hug. Nera Rossi was a one of the most gorgeous women I knew, she used to be a model back in the day and she still looked like one in her nineties, her face looked like it was sculpted to be a doll, delicate and perfect, with enough fire in her green eyes to burn entire villages in one look.

“Beat it squirt, Seph is mine all morning!” Mrs. Rossi told her as she came to hold me.

“But Nonna! This is so unfair!”

“Life is unfair Thea, so shoo!” Dorothea stuck her tongue out to her grandma and started walking away. It was useless to fight Nera, she was stubborn as a goat. When my mother sent me to Florence to hide, my grandma contacted one of her oldest friends, asking her to be my teacher. Nera specialized in shadow work, our lessons tended to be intense and explosive. We were both incredibly headstrong, causing endless arguments between us but in the end her stubbornness is what truly made me understand how to unleash my powers.

“Bye Seph, come see me some time soon, yes?” Grinning I nodded towards her.

“Come, come child, let's sit in the kitchen. I will make coffee and give you something to eat. You look so skinny. I saw you where coming so I picked your favorites, I was wondering how long it was gonna take you to you grab your big girl panties and come see me. I’m glad it wasn’t long.” We settle in her vintage sage kitchen table and I can’t help but admire Nera’s kitchen, you could tell that the place has seen and enjoyed countless memories, filled with love and affection. The cabinets were all the same shade of sage but they didn’t look perfect, there were tiny scratches here and there, a testament of how lived this kitchen was. While the style was typical Italian, you could still see Mrs. Rossi in the details, the bases with flowers everywhere, the countless spice racks placed randomly, the herbs hanging to dry in weird places, the cute and funny kitchen cloths… This kitchen felt like home and I appreciated the comfort I so desperately needed.

“My child have you not been eating?” She caressed my cheek “You keep loosing weight every time I see you. It’s troublesome to say the least. I worry”

“Don’t worry Ne, I swear I have been eating” This was a blatant lie, with the crazy work hours I’ve been putting I barely had time to eat. “I just have been doing a lot of exercise” Nera Rossi was no fool, i knew she could see right through me, with her being a seer and all, it was hard to get away with anything, but she just chuckles and lets it pass. She places a cup of coffee and a plate full of food in front of me.

“Now eat my dear child, so you can tell me all about your exciting life working for worldwide celebrities.” The grin that paints my face is full of joy. I start digging into my delicious breakfast while I hear all about Mrs. Rossi’s brand new hydroponic strawberry garden, which lead her to adopt a baby raccoon that was stealing her strawberries, so now she had a new garden and a new baby pet raccoon called Cuddles that was currently being babysat by Stephan because apparently Cuddles loved cuddling, catch the irony here, under the morning sun rays by the bay windows at Stephan’s restaurant, Delicia. A spot he had discovered one day Nera and Dante has breakfast together, apparently he would make a fuss if Nera didn’t take him in the mornings and it had become such a sensation having Cuddles at the restaurant. Stephan agreed to come to pick him up the days Nera didn’t stop by and brought him back by luck when the sun no longer hits Cuddles favorite spot. To say that I was excited to meet the baby raccoon was an understatement. I finished eating, knowing we couldn’t postpone the big talk any longer.

“So baby girl, tell me all about your boys now”

“Neeeeeee” Dragging the e’s in the most dramatic way possible “You know they are not mine, I have barely spoken three words to any of them.” I glare daggers at her and she just waves me off. “The work is good. Tough and long somedays but truly rewarding when I get to see how the pictures turn out, or how empowered they look in the outfits we put together for them.” Taking a deep breathe I continue. “You know how much this all means to me, but I don’t know Ne. I feel like throwing myself at work it’s… not working anymore.” I let my head fall in my hands. Clouds start to form in the kitchen ceiling, starting to rumble with little thunders. “I keep working more and more hours, asking for extra shifts, covering for coworkers, making all the extra trips, but my head still finds time to play tricks on me and I’m afraid of slipping into old habits Ne…” She pulls my face out of hiding and her soft hand started caressing my cheek with nothing but love, her tender strokes feel like she is handling crystal and could brake easily, she sighted.

“Could you stop the almost storm inside my kitchen? I would hate to have to deal with humidity in my ceiling.” Her comment instantly made the room feel lighter, my clouds beginning to dissipate. “Baby girl, you knew that throwing yourself at work was just a temporary solution for a much more bigger problem” her eyes where so comforting, so soft, so full of love and they just turned softer when tears started to paint my cheeks “Yes child, what you need is a good crying, you don’t have to be strong all the time”

“I don’t know what to do Ne, I really taught this was it… that this job would be what erased my past” my voice cracked “I don’t know how long I can keep running.”

“Baby girl, thats where you are wrong, you can’t erase your past and you can’t run for ever, it will come a day when you have to confront your demons.” her fingers kept wiping my tears “But remember that you wont be alone trough this fight, there are a lot of people that will be with you when you are ready to take on it. But until that moment comes, please top weakening yourself, try to find a balance and maybe open up to other people, you can be surprised with what you find.” She gives me a knowing smile that made me believe that she saw something coming but wasn’t telling me.“And by the love of the Gods child, eat. If you keep losing weight you will leave me no option but to follow you to Seoul and force feed you or to call your grandma, and I wouldn’t put it past her to crawl out of your cauldron once she hears her little princess is not eating, and then you would have two old hags to deal with in your tiny apartment.” Her sudden outburst makes me laugh between my tears.

“Now, tell me all about what you are doing the next weeks. I bet you are dying to talk about it.” With that, the heavy conversation ended and we fell into the topic that excited me down to the last detail.

I had to leave before lunch to pick up some accessories for tomorrows photoshoot. We were saying our goodbyes at the door, Nera gave me a tight hug.

“I know you are here for a few weeks, so if you don’t come visit often I will haunt you down girl.” I chuckled and nodded

“I’m having diner with Dante and Stephan tonight, want to come? I bet they would love to have you over Ne.”

‘No, no baby girl. You youngling have fun tonight” she winked at me “Besides, Stephan said your boys are going and like hell I’m gonna meet them before I can threaten them.” I groan.

“Ne, this “my boys” thing is getting annoying and of course my bosses are not going! Mister Kim just said that to be polite.”

“You have to let Him go at some point Seph.” She murmured “Anyway, shoo girl, you have places to be and so do I.” She started to push me away to get me out of the house and I could swear I heard her say under her breath something along the lines of Mister Kim my ass before she closed the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The afternoon went in a blur between picking up the missing accessories and finishing some touches in the outfits. I was going over some paperwork for the brand shoot when my cellphone rang.

“Dante, you little bitch I swear if you call me one more time to hurry me, I will curse your ass six days from Sunday!”

“Sorry for interrupting Seph-ssi” The deep timber of the voice on the other side from the phone, startled me automatically making me cringe, crap, crap, crap. “The manager gave me your number, I just wanted to know if you wanted to walk together tonight.” It took me a moment to realize he was talking about dinner at Dante’s.

“Thank you Mr. Kim but don’t worry that won’t be necessary. Dante was just being polite, you don’t have to go tonight.” The light chuckle let me know he was going no matter what I said, before he even voiced it.

“He said you would say that. See you in the lobby, we will be there in a few minutes and then we can head out.” Taehyung didn’t even give me a minute to answer, he just hanged up the phone. shit. I was going to kill Dante, what the fuck is wrong with him? When he called me earlier I had informed him that Taehyung was my boss and how it was a terrible idea for him to have dinner with us. He was so dead. A groan forms in my throat, I had the feeling that the next few weeks were gonna be interesting, thanks to my asshole friend.

The elevator pings to the lobby. Dreading what my night had in store, I step out of the dangly metal coffin. Taehyung is standing right by the elevators looking dashing in black slacks topped with a gorgeous oversized camel wool coat, his dark hair looked messy as if someone had been running their fingers trough his locks. Damn it! I shouldn’t be noticing how he looks outside of the outfits I put together for him. When he spots me he flashes a boxy grin, tilting his head, expectantly.

“Come on Seph-ssi. We are gonna be late! Dante said to be there at eight and it’s eight o’five”

“Don’t worry Mr. Kim, Italians are not that into punctuality. Dante won’t mind one bit. But if you don’t want to come, you can always stay and rest, you do know tomorrow night you have a big shoot, right?” He presses his lips together, shakes his head while he turns and starts walking towards the door. What I didn’t expect was the two figures that rose from the couches, just like Taehyung, my other two bosses looked ridiculously good.

Jimin was wearing skinny jeans, his black leather racer jacket was open showing a pink sweater that looked so fluffy (I really wanted to touch it), his blond hair was in a similar state as Taehyung’s: messy. His pink plump lips held the biggest smile making his eyes look like little crescent moons, a beautiful sight, specially paired with the bunny smile Jungkook was sporting, his outfit screamed comfort, oversized black cargo pants with an oversized black hoodie and a black beanie covering most of his fluffy black hair.

With a quick bow I greeted both of them. Taehyung must have caught the surprise in my face because he quickly added “Dante said it was okay if they tagged along, said something about meeting ‘this boys Ne keeps talking about’. Which I have no idea what he means but he did say his boyfriend is a great chef so…”

My hands balled into fists, my jaw locked and I could feel shadow starting to crawl the walls ready to consume the whole room if needed be. I need to calm down. Taking a deep breath, the rumble of my magic starts to ease, the shadows instantly disappearing. Through clench teeth I manage to utter “Sure, let’s go.”

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