#you can’t do this to me paramore
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i just started crying to hate to see your heart break
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blondes are done with fun ✲ h. renjun
pairing. journalism student! renjun x journalism student! fem! reader
starring. huang renjun, lee donghyuck, yoo jimin, huh yunjin
genre. college au, acquaintances to lovers. angst, fluff, smut
warnings. alcohol consuption, swearing, renjun is a dick at the beginning, sexual content (fingering, unprotected sex)
word count. 31k (31.320)
a/n. awsten knight please stop making music so i can stop writing fics about your songs thanku. also this is my first smut please be gentle with it also if you're my friend please don't read the smut parts orif you do dont tell me abt it or i will literally kms
playlist. cherry red - waterparks ; fake happy - paramore ; heaven angel - the driver era ; blonde - waterparks ; disaster - conan gray ; raspberry - grouplove ; black butterflies and déjá vu - the maine ; fuck about it - waterpakrs, blackbear ; robbers - the 1975
a rumor has it that the popular couple in town broke up after years of being together. having to share your favorite seat in class with the male part of said relationship, you try to find out how to make your heartbroken project partner warm up to you— or— huang renjun goes blonde when he's sad.
✲ PART 1 OF THE SIMPLIFY ROMANCE SERIES ✲
“A rumor has it Huang Renjun and Huh Yunjin broke up,” is the first sentence that lands into your ears when your feet cross the imaginary border of the school premises one early morning, a cup of coffee in your hand as your best friend Jimin breaks the news to you, walking by your side into the university building.
Snapping your head around to look at her in shock and surprise at the news, eyes wide in question, you’re already invested in the love life of your classmates more than you probably should be, but due to multiple reasons that could explain it; one of them being the ordinary human curiosity– mainly created in your brain thanks to the fact that these two had dated for as long as you can remember– another reason being the gossip-oriented side of your personality– the part of it you like to explain through the fact that you’re a Journalism major and the love for gossip is just another part of your (hopefully) future occupation– and the last reason, the one that is probably the most harmless of them all (or maybe the most, depending on how you look at it) is the mere fact that while Huang Renjun had been a taken man for as long as you remember, he is also insanely attractive, and you’re just a simple woman. The idea of him being finally attainable is irking something in your brain, and even though you would feel embarrassed to admit this out loud, you can’t help but wonder what happened between those two after such a long time that made the legendary couple– iconic, even– break up.
“What happened?” you ask, walking alongside the girl as you round the corner of the hall, in a rush to get to your morning class. The two of you slept in by accident, watching too many episodes of Keeping up with the Kardashians last night to notice the clock striking well past midnight, and now the journey to school was more difficult than it already is, with your dorms situated 30 minutes away and the class starting at 8 o’clock sharp. The time is now 7:58AM and while you’re already in the building and yours and Jimin’s classes are different, they are both on the fifth floor– and with the frequency of your visits to the gym, the way up there is hard not only because of the time pinch, but also because of the shortness of your breath when you rush to walk up there in less than five minutes before you have to take the walk of shame to your desk, watched by the professor with passive aggressive eyes.
“Nobody knows,” Jimin heaves out, taking two steps at once now, “I just heard from Yizhuo that Yunjin deleted all of their Instagram posts together and she supposedly stopped wearing that necklace he got her for their anniversary. Oh and also, Renjun didn’t drop her off at school on Friday, so something must be up.”
Humming in agreement, you rush up the stairs, the halls already emptied out because all of the students are hidden in their respective classroom. You manage to keep your voice down in case anyone’s listening in on your insensitive gossip, now that your voices aren’t drowned out by any other noise. “That’s weird. They’ve been together for so long, I’m starting to lose faith in real love if they really broke up.”
“No, yeah, I know,” Jimin squints as the two of you finally reach the fifth floor, the girl checking the time on her wristwatch huffing out at the sight of already being late, “something bad must have happened, if they really broke up, because the two of them didn’t seem like they’ve had any problems, you know.”
“Definitely,” you nod, pacing along the hall as you finally reach the door to your classroom, waving your roommate off with a tight-lipped smile, still trying to catch your breath. “I’ll see you after class?”
The girl doesn’t even turn around as she agrees with you, long legs striding down the hall into the last classroom on the left, waving at you with her right hand. “See ya!”
Silently opening the door to the classroom, you notice the professor already standing at the very front of the class, turning around to look at your figure once the almost unhearable noise of the door cuts through the silence in the room. Offering her a shameful smile, you hurriedly scan the space, feeling the eyes of everyone glued to your sweaty and out of breath body, as you try to find a place to sit. Your usual seat is right at the corner of the room, at the very back– it has the window in close accessibility, so you don’t have to worry about being too hot or too cold, depending on the weather, because you regulate the freshness of the air in the classroom. The window also provides a good distraction to you once the class gets too boring to listen to, so you’d say with 100% sureness that the desk you chose to sit at the very first day of your Journalism class was the best option.
However, when you look at the usually empty desk for two– one of the chairs, the one closer to the corridor being your handy armrest as well as a place to put your coat and bag on as you sit on the other one, the one closer to the window– you notice a man sitting at your usual place, eyes glued to the whiteboard. Feverishly scanning the classroom once again, realizing in terror that there is no other empty space for you to sit at, you sigh in annoyance as you near your usual desk, cursing the intruder in your brain for breaking the unwritten seating plan.
Taking the bag off your shoulder, you softly land it to the ground, afraid of making any noise that would interrupt your professor’s lecture again. After sitting at the chair and trying to listen to the words coming out of your professor’s mouth, trying to see what she’s talking about, you find yourself drifting off into the mess of your thoughts, choosing to daydream about the amazing lunch you’re about to have once your classes are over for the day, your eyes knowingly moving away from the whiteboard to their place out of the window. It’s a little harder to gaze out of it in the different position– you tell yourself you’ll come earlier next week so the intruder doesn’t take away your spot again and you can go back to your usual plan of watching people walking through the campus and making up fake stories about them in your brain– when your periphery vision takes notice of the side profile of your seatmate, the curve of his nose and the slight pout of his upper lip sparking interest in you as your brain finally connects the dots.
Only slightly moving your head to the side, so your seatmate doesn’t notice you staring, you observe Huang Renjun sitting at your desk. The image in front of you (or beside you, to be precise) surprises you to an extent nothing has ever surprised you before (no, not even the birthday parties Jimin has thrown you have made this effect on you– but that’s probably because she can’t keep a secret and always spoiled the surprise), and once again, there are multiple reasons for your surprise. To list a few, you’d start with the fact that Huang Renjun almost always sat at the same desk with his girlfriend Yunjin– the desk was at the very opposite corner of the room, leaving you to occasionally observe the couple as he landed a hand onto her thigh or let her put her leg into his lap, away from the eyes of the professor– but due to the news that were broken to you just a few minutes prior, maybe this is the only reason that shouldn’t surprise you with the sight of Renjun sitting by your side. Continuing the list, you’d state the fact that the boy looks lifeless– his eyes lost their usual spark and there are dark circles adorning his lower eyelids, the sick look making you feel almost sorry for your classmate. And to finish the list, you’d state the fact that takes you by surprise the most– the one that shocks you to your core, for it’s the reason why you didn’t recognise the boy when you first sat down in the first place. His hair is now bleach blond, and while the look definitely suits him, it’s something different, something new– because for as long as you can remember, not many things changed in Renjun’s appearance over the years, and you’re not so sure if you can consider this as the side effect of his breakup, or if he really just wanted change.
Blinking at the male, as if to make sure that you’re not dreaming, you take notice of the dead strands falling into his eyes, contrasting well with the darkness of his eyes. Once again noting that you’re just a simple woman and Huang Renjun is simply put, a very attractive man, you can’t help but gaze at him with a newly found interest, everything you’ve learned about the male this morning irking you with undeniable curiosity.
The sad and embarrassing reality of it all is, though, that you’re not the only one who gets that weird feeling of someone staring at you in public sometimes, only for that feeling to be true as you turn around and see someone with their eyes burning through your skull; Huang Renjun gets them as well, it seems, as he turns his head to you with his eyebrows furrowed, as if to silently ask you why the hell you’re creepily staring at his side profile in the middle of your Journalism class. The two of you were never close, despite sharing multiple classes over the course of multiple semesters, and so being caught only made you feel more embarrassed as you sharply turn your head towards the front of the classroom– so much for being subtle and nonchalant about it, erasing all the possibility of playing it off in the process– feeling heat creeping up your neck.
This is not how you imagined your morning to go.
Trying hard to pay attention to the class instead, in order to both learn something and also forget about the events happening only a few seconds prior, there’s no use as your brain now decided to replay the moment over and over again, making sure you never forget about it and randomly think of it in the middle of the night 5 years from now, still not moving on from the shame. In the process of trying so hard to focus, you actually do quite the opposite– as if your brain decided to turn off from the essence of humiliation instead to protect you– and before you notice it, the class is over and everyone is scattering out of the classroom with their things and bags hung over their shoulders. At least it’s finally over, you think, when a voice lands into your ear, shaking you out of it.
“We’re doing the project together,” he says, and as you turn around to face the owner of the saccharine voice to inquire him on what the actual fuck he’s even talking about, before you get the chance, the man is already out of the room, leaving you standing in full dumbfoundance.
Maybe you should’ve paid more attention to the class, after all.
Next week, even though you arrive to class earlier than the last, it seems like your designated seat in the corner of the classroom is now your and Renjun’s designated seat in the corner of the classroom, and if you’re being totally honest, this is exactly the thing you did not expect to come up on your Junior year bingo card. Talking over the whole interaction with Jimin right when you got to dorms– alongside with the takeout you ordered in the restaurant that’s at the corner of the street– the both of you stared into your plates with a newly found sense of absolute, utter confusion.
You also had to shamefully text one of the only classmates from your Journalism class whose number you have– Osaki Shotaro, who you had a thing with in Freshman year because you thought he was an exchange student and would go back to Japan after summer, surprising you with his smiley face in the class in your Sophomore year (and this year, once again) as you had to be reminded of making out with him at a party every time your eyes landed on the poor boy– about the assignment. The truth is, you could just ask Renjun when you got into class, but you also wanted to spare yourself the embarrassment of that action. Through your fling from Freshman year, you learned that you have to work in pairs on a magazine of some sort– and while the assignment still wasn’t clear to you, after Shotaro ended the text message with ‘i’m sorry tho, i already have a partner ://’, you didn’t have enough dignity in you to pry him for any more information.
Clearing your throat as you step inside the classroom with an encouraging slap to your bottom coming from your roommate walking along to her usual class at the end of the hall, you walk over to your seat and put your bag onto the ground, silently sitting on the chair next to the corridor– the thing that makes you the most furious about this whole thing– as you prepare for the next lecture. From what you’ve gathered, the assignment was 70% of your final grade, and you really didn’t feel like failing your most favorite subject, especially if it’s something you could see yourself doing in the future. Working on something like this with someone you’ve hardly ever spoken to was a scary feeling, though.
The class starts as soon as the noise of footsteps fills your ears, your professor standing at the very front of the classroom announcing her arrival with a heartfelt smile on her face. Sometimes you wonder if it’s her cheery demeanor that makes you like the class so much, but then again, you’ve always been interested in the topic– her character is just a bonus.
“Hello class,” she greets, full of energy despite it only being 8 in the morning, “I decided that instead of following with the lectures today, I will leave you some space to plan out your final project for the class. It has the weight of 70% of your grade, so it’s kind of important, so make sure you plan it well and come up with something original and interesting. The contents are 25-35 pages and you have until the end of the semester to complete it, so I hope you all put in some effort!”
Nods and hums of understatement are shared along the class, the pairs turning to each other in soft murmurs as some even take out a journal to note down all the things they come up with. You think it’s not a bad idea to at least brainstorm a little, but with how awkward you feel at the moment with your project partner sitting right next to you, you don’t think you can start. And the thing is, Jimin told you you could just pick a different partner– but as you look across the filled classroom, you really don’t think working with anyone else is possible, since you don’t have many friends in this class and everyone seems to be paired up already. Huang Renjun is your only choice, and although it doesn’t fill you with relief, you wonder why he chose you, when in reality, he’s the popular one– he has many different choices to pick from. Maybe he was just too lazy to ask anyone else. Who knows.
Clearing your throat again, you avert your gaze from the front of the classroom and try to sneak a look on your seatmate. The platinum blonde hair neatly styled on his head doesn’t fail to make you shocked again, but you figure you must start to get used to it now, because you can’t keep living with the constant urge to stare at the boy just because he dyed his hair. Waiting for him to look at you or give you any sign of the fact that he’s willing to work on the project, you continue your little staring contest with his side profile– it seems like he’s in the mood to ignore you today, so you gotta bring out the big guns and actually talk to him instead.
“So… how do you want to work on this?” you mumble out, nervously bumping your knee up and down. Human interaction isn’t your favorite thing in the world, mainly because you don’t like things you’re not good at– this includes sports, but mainly volleyball, drawing, knitting and mixing drinks as well– but you’d say with full confidence that making friends and talking to new people is truly the worst thing you could ever imagine.
You notice that your seatmate finally recognised your efforts to spark up a conversation– he rewards you with a shrug of his shoulders as he not only does not look at you, but also decides to lay on the desk instead, closing his eyes as if this was the perfect time for him to catch up on his lost sleep. “Dunno,” he says, “we have plenty of time, let’s not do this right now.”
Blinking a few times at the male, you are once again struck by lightning that is his weird attitude to things. If this was how he behaved with Yunjin, you can’t blame the girl for breaking up with him– everything about the smug look on his face and the fact that he chose to take your favorite seat in the classroom makes your blood boil with annoyance.
“W-what?” you stutter out, still not quite believing your ears.
The man doesn’t reply to you– it’s too much effort, it seems– only making you angrier. Why did he even choose you as his partner if he didn’t want to work on the project in the first place? You’re no stranger to procrastination and leaving work for last minute, and you’re also not really a fan of the feeling of stress creeping up your back whenever you give in to the inevitable action of procrastinating; so if it comes to a project that is quite literally 70% of your grade, you would rather not do everything the week before.
Seeing that you’re getting ignored again, you put on your brave face as you fold your hands on your chest, determined to do something about the issue at hand. “Can’t you just put in some effort, man? I’d rather not do this last minute. I know that you probably don’t give a shit, but I do care about my grades, y’know,” you get out, seeing as the man next to you finally straightens his back and looks at you sharply– as if he has any right to point you with the killing look in this dark eyes– before he squints in mock agony.
“Do you really have to be such a fucking perfectionist?” he snaps at you, taking you by surprise.
This is not how you imagined Huang Renjun to be. Looking at him over the course of the years, more often than not, you always saw the boy with a welcoming smile on his face. Whenever he was around Yunjin, he was all sweet words and gentle touches, erupting laughter whenever he was around his friends. When you were a freshman, somewhere in the back of your brain, you even envied the circle of friends he had around him, daydreaming about fitting in with them when you were lonely at lunch break. That was before you met Jimin at volleyball practice– the extracurricular you lasted in only for a week with the intention of making some friends (at least it worked) – and moved in with her in your second semester when both of your roommates decided to drop out. The girl provided you with undeniable love and care, and while you no longer desired to fit into a circle like Huang Renjun’s, talking to him now makes you feel like a child with crushed dreams.
“I’m sorry?” is all you get out as you stare at him with shock. If you were in a better mood, you would’ve searched through your brain to find a snarky remark to bite back at the boy. It’s too early in the morning and you weren’t prepared for his attitude, though, so you only opt to stare at him as he sighs in what you presume is annoyance– or defeat– as he scatters through his backpack and takes you a notebook, opening it to the first page and clicking his pen he found somewhere in the depths of his bag so he can write with it.
Too taken aback from his sudden change of mind, you wait for him to initiate any other action. You really don’t feel like getting screamed at again, so you chose to play it safe as you watch the man scribble the words Final project at the very top of the paper, underlining it two times and circling it five, the weird ritual making you furrow your eyebrows in confusion.
“25 pages. We split half and half, so you can come up with whatever you want. We can do the design together and I really couldn’t give less shit about who works on the cover, so if you really want to do it, you can. Good?” he says, not once looking at you as he writes the words down on the paper.
“Amazing,” you bite back with irony, shuffling your chair closer to the table so you can take a look at his notes, “the magazine has to have a coherent theme, though, doesn’t it? If we work on the pages by ourselves and just do whatever, as you said, it’s gonna be shit.”
You chose to accommodate yourself to the pattern of his speech– a habit you always do with new people, but in this situation, what feels the most safe. Seeing the man sigh again, twirling the ballpoint pen in between his fingers, he shrugs at your point and offers you a half-assed solution.
“We can figure that out later.”
Biting back a chuckle at his comment, it’s now your turn to sigh. Why was he being so difficult? Is it really that hard to make an effort on something important, especially when he was the one who said he wanted to work with you in the first place? Shaking your head in disbelief at his actions, you lean back in your chair and take out your own notebook, set on the decision of brainstorming as much as you can, hopefully coming out with some solid ideas you could incorporate in the magazine.
You have no idea what direction Renjun would go with. You don’t know anything about his interests or hobbies, and you surely don’t know what would inspire him or what he would want to write about. And with his new change of persona, you find him even more unreadable than he’s been in the past– and you can’t say you like the way he treats you right now. It seems like his sudden metamorphosis managed to change his brain synapses as well, because this is not the idea of Huang Renjun that you knew until now.
Chewing on the end of your pencil, you take a glimpse of your seatmate. He is messily scribbling something down onto his paper, seemingly realizing that the sooner you start working on this, the better, and with how full his paper seems to be, you wonder if this project won’t be that hard to complete after all.
“We’re doing the cover together,” you mumble out, seeing as the boy tears his eyes off his paper, glaring at you instead.
Almost expecting him to snap at you again, awaiting his suggestion that you will be the one doing all the work, you’re left with an answer that satisfies you with yet another surprise. “If you really insist…”
“Are you really sure you want to do this right now?” Jimin asks you as you put on your shoes at the door, slinging your backpack containing not only your laptop and notebooks, but also snacks just in case you get hungry. Looking at her through the hair falling into your face that you efficiently get out of the way with a poof of breath coming out of your mouth, you chuckle at her distress. The girl’s been watching you get ready for the last 15 minutes, with her robe on and bowl of guacamole in her right palm, eating up on the tortilla chips every once in a while as she squints at you with disbelief.
“Yeah, why not?” you shrug. “If he’s initiating this, I don’t see a problem. Besides, I think that if I don’t take every chance I get, I’ll end up working on the project alone, and I really don’t like that idea.”
Humming in agreement for the first time since you told your roommate that Renjun texted you if you wanted to work on the project today, Jimin motions to the phone sitting at the entryway table next to the front door. “Well, just make sure to text me if anything goes wrong and I’ll come pick you up,” she suggests, making you giggle at her noticeable worry.
“Okay, mum,” you shake your head in disbelief, finally slugging the backpack over your shoulder and walking out of the door of your apartment.
The truth is, you can’t really blame Jimin for her over-protective behavior. Ever since you retold her everything that happened that one time in Journalism class, she’s been wary of Huang Renjun. You would agree with all of her arguments of how much of a dick he is when acting like that, but you also don’t really think you have to put more energy into hating him at this moment, since it won’t really help you with your assignment and you don’t have any other choice. You are stuck with a grumpy project partner and that’s how the rest of your semester will go– you just have to learn how to live with his annoying remarks and snarky comments at whatever you say. Who knows, he may be in his ‘hating all women’ era, considering the breakup and all…
You can’t say you weren’t surprised when he added you on Instagram and messaged you about the project this afternoon, though. Considering that you were always the one initiating the talks about the final assignment over the course of the last few weeks, you weren’t expecting him to finally be the one reaching out. You would be stupid to not take him up on the offer, since you don’t know if it will happen ever again– who knows, he might have accidentally smashed his head into something and get a sudden revelation that is only a one time type of situation– and that’s exactly why you responded to him almost immediately (to which you admittedly, got a bit of an ick from yourself) and agreed to meet him at 6 in his apartment.
You were pleasantly surprised to learn that his place was only a 15 minute walk away from yours when he texted you the address, and after a few more minutes of scrolling through his Instagram that was private– and therefore hidden away from your eyes until now– you set yourself on the difficult journey.
Upon arriving at the apartment building, ringing the door bell and texting him to let you in just in case, so he knows it’s you, you start to feel a bit nervous, though. The truth is, you don’t really know what you’re getting yourself into as you walk into the elevator and press the button that takes you to the fourth floor– as he texted you the moment the door to the complex opened– and you think it’s safe to imagine you could be running out of that apartment at any given moment. Maybe Jimin was right and you should’ve taken at least some self-defense tools with you. You never know these days.
Once the elevator door opens and you step outside of the small space, you get prepared to take out your phone again to text him and ask which door leads to his apartment– the right or left– when you’re surprised with the sight of Huang Renjun already waiting for you in the doorway, loose sweatpants, messy hair and all, expecting your arrival.
Clearing your throat, you tightly smile at the male. “Hello.”
“Hi,” is all he responds as he moves away from the door and disappears into the apartment, seemingly thinking you're going to follow him and get inside, no questions asked. You expected at least an invitation to his premises, even a wave of his hand would be nice, you think, but you guess you can’t really have expectations that high when it comes to men– especially if the man in question is the insufferable Huang Renjun.
Taking your shoes off at the entrance– because even though your host doesn’t have good manners, you still do– the figure of Huang Renjun suddenly appears in the doorway of one of the rooms, watching you put the sneakers into a corner that seems to be designated for footwear. Looking up at him with expecting eyes, he finally breaks the awkward silence as he takes a step inside one of the rooms, calling you to go after him.
“We can work here, I guess,” he mumbles, leading you into what you presume is a living room connected to a kitchen– the place is not that big, but you are a broke university student too, so you don’t have it in you to judge. The place is surprisingly clean and adorned with multiple plants all around the corners of the room and windowsills, the only thing out of place being some dishes at the kitchen counter, waiting to be either used or put away, since they look washed. There’s a sofa in the shape of an L in the middle of it all, a TV sitting right opposite of it on a small TV stand, and when you notice an opened laptop on the coffee table, you presume that this is your work station for the day. You half expected him to invite you to his bedroom, but you guess that you can’t really complain– this feels much less awkward anyway.
Nodding at his words, you move to the sofa and rest your backpack against the foot of it. Taking out your laptop as well, you sit crossed-legged at the soft cushions as you watch Renjun walk over to the kitchen side of the room, opening up a cupboard and taking out two glasses, bringing them to the crowded coffee table alongside with a bottle of soda. You think this is his way of welcoming you in as your guest, but you don’t have it in yourself to thank him– he’s the one being silent all the time anyway. You won’t put effort unless he does.
The boy silently takes a seat opposite of you, but chooses the carpeted floor instead of the sofa– a sight that almost makes you chuckle in amusement when he struggles to fold his legs in the small space– sighing and bringing the laptop closer to himself, rubbing a palm across his face in presumed tiredness.
“Did you work on the ideas for the articles?” you ask, voice low, as if you were afraid to speak first, now that you’re in his space. “If they’re too different from mine, we can make like… sections… in the magazine… or something like that. But I think it would be easier if they correlated, you know.”
Renjun hums, not giving you many words this time either. He’s always difficult to work with, but today, it irritates you twice as much– maybe because you’ve gone out of your way to meet him at his apartment, when it was all his idea to work on the project today in the first place. Sighing in disappointment, the boy takes it as a hint that you expect more of him than tired hums and silent nods, and so he opens his mouth to speak, soft voice echoing through the silent apartment.
“I did,” he says, “don’t really know what you’re going for, but I have a short list.”
Satisfied with his answer, you nod. “Can I see it?”
Shrugging, he looks around for a while, eyes searching through the place as he finally finds the paper peeking out from the bottom of the coffee table– so much for the seemingly clean space– and offers the A4 format to you, scribbles in blue ink almost unreadable as you squint onto them, bringing them closer to your face. Once your eyes finally get adjusted to his handwriting, you manage to decipher a few of the words he’s written down; some of his ideas are neatly described, yet, some of them are just a simple word that barely gives you any idea of what he truly meant to say.
The difference between more thought-out ideas like ‘Karaoke songs (history, questionnaire of favorites across the campus…)’, ‘The importance of art in education’, ‘How to really use wikipedia’ and simple words like ‘campus’, ‘festivals’ and ‘soccer(?)’ almost makes you laugh out loud, but you note that the boy actually took the time of his day to work on the project like he promised you he would the last time you spoke about it in class, so you can’t really say anything mean to him, for you truly think it would hurt his pride. Nodding as you finish reading over the list, you offer the paper back to him, noticing him watching you with eyes full of undeniable expectancy.
“Satisfied?” he asks, irony seeping through his voice.
Rolling your eyes at him– because of course he has to be annoying about everything– you choose to not play by his rules, opting to nod instead and let the tiniest bit of irritation show only through your ironic smile as you reply to him. “Very, actually.”
Seeing as he’s satisfied with himself, you choose to continue to lead this meeting with the same energy as to this moment. You think it’s the safest choice, and it’s also what he seems to be comfortable with, so you don’t beat around the bush and speak up again. “I think it won’t be that hard to combine our lists, since our ideas aren’t that different,” you note, cringing at the suggestion that you and the man in front of you actually kind of think alike, “but I think it would be nice if we chose a few topics and wrote about them together. I bet the professor would like to see some articles written by the both of us, so it shows that we actually worked on it together, don’t you think?”
“Not really,” he mumbles under his breath, taking you off guard. See, maybe you got ahead of yourself when you thought that this afternoon might go by smoothly– you forgot for a moment that Huang Renjun enjoys the idea of being a total ass to the people around him (or you, at least) these days. Huffing at his response, you furrow your brows in disbelief.
“Why not?”
“Just… don’t wanna,” he answers shortly, shrugging in nonchalance.
The sight of him in front of you, not even sharing eye contact as he points his gaze towards his laptop, makes your blood boil. What does he even think of himself? You were starting to think that Jimin was right– you should’ve rethought this interaction over and spared yourself the trouble, because this was surely not going anywhere.
“Look, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but you were clearly the one that told me we were project partners, so I don’t know why you’re being so difficult about this-” you huff, but are instantly cut off by your partner.
“I’m being difficult?”
“Yes,” you jump in, “yes you are! And I don’t get why you even invited me over to work on this, when you clearly don’t have the slightest intention to do so in the first place!” you complete, almost ready to stand up from your place on the light-brown sofa and storm out of his apartment.
He chuckles at your outburst, rolling his eyes. “Well, I’m sorry I’m not in the mood to work on a stupid project after arguing the whole day on the phone with my cheating ex-girlfriend,” he mutters.
The moment those words come out of his mouth, it seems like the already silent apartment gets even quieter. Staring at him in dumbfoundance, the spark that ignited the anger in you suddenly dies out as you ponder on your next actions. Because what does one do when your project partner suddenly overshares possibly one of the most traumatic and heartbreaking facts about himself so casually, in between snarky comments and a petty argument? Sure, you do feel sorry for him now– because no matter how shitty a person acts to you, nobody deserves to get cheated on– and you suddenly wonder if the whole change of atmosphere in his character isn’t the direct result of this very fact.
You can’t tell him that you’re sorry– because frankly, you know that Huang Renjun doesn’t want your pity. He doesn’t want to hear that you feel sorry for him and what happened, because you’re not friends and you’re not close enough for you to express such feelings towards him. A question arises in the very same essence, though, making you wonder why he even chose to share this information with you in the heat of the moment in the first place, and even though you could excuse his lack of motivation to work on the project by this fact, it still doesn’t change the reality that he was the one initiating the whole thing, and suddenly, you feel confused.
He invited you over to work on a project, even though his mood was shitty and he didn’t have the motivation to do so. One would find that ridiculous, but if you really look past the sharp eyes and the bleached mess on his head, you could see the true intention behind his actions– the poor boy just wanted a distraction. And with how empty his apartment seems to be right now– his roommate, Donghyuck (a person that Jimin shares a Finance class with, as you learned this very afternoon) is nowhere to be seen– you only bet you were the last option he had instead of wallowing himself in pity and terror.
Jimin would argue that you’re stupid for your next actions– you would even agree, because this truly doesn’t feel like you– but still, despite going against yourself in a way, you close the laptop sitting in your lap and reach over to the soda he placed in the middle of the coffee table, pouring yourself a glass. You don’t leave his apartment like you fantasized of doing just a few minutes ago; instead, after downing the sickeningly sweet liquid, the bubbles hurting your throat, you rest your back against the sofa and watch the boy in a new light.
“Okay, let’s not work on the assignment, then,” you calmly say, “wanna watch something on Netflix instead?” you ask, seeing him staring at you with confusion in his expression.
“I don’t-”
“It’s okay if you don’t have it, I can log in with my roommate’s account. She’s probably watching Single’s Inferno right now, but I’ll text her to find something better to do instead,” you don’t let him finish his sentence– because you already know that he’d try to protest to your suggestion– shrugging in nonchalance as you reach over to the TV remote you find sandwiched between the sofa cushions.
Turning the TV on, not even sparing a glance to the grumpy-looking boy sitting on the floor opposite of you, the shuffling of clothes and socked-feet on the ground lands into your ears, a figure taking the remote out of your hand when you can’t figure out how the TV works, a low mumble full of fake offendance masking the shameful, yet clear gratitude in his voice.
You don’t miss it as you look over at him with a tight-lipped smile, though, seeing the Netflix app suddenly come up on the TV, his shoulders relaxing as he settles into the cushions of the sickeningly colored sofa.
“Of course I have Netflix, what do you think I am, poor?” he grunts.
…and the old Renjun is back.
Arriving at class the next week, you’re finally met with less nervousness than the last few times. After interacting with Huang Renjun more and seeing him break his stone-cold demeanor in front of you as you two watched Netflix– he even made popcorn after the second episode of Unsolved mysteries you decided to watch when you saw the show in his ‘continue watching’ list and gushed about how it’s your favorite (to which he told you that you’re weird, but he’s the one binge watching it too, so you really don’t know why you’re the problem and he's not). Thankfully he doesn’t seem as smug and insufferable as he did before. It’s not like you’re suddenly best friends or anything, but you can feel the ice between you melting with every word he sends your way that isn’t laced with irony– not that there's many of them, since Huang Renjun loves his sarcasm– but it’s progress in your book.
Walking over to your usual seat in the classroom, making your backpack fall to the ground next to your desk with a soft thud, you sit at the chair and take out your things for the class when you notice something standing in the way of your notebook and pencil case in the middle of the table.
Furrowing your brows in confusion, you move the cup of coffee out of your way, closer to your seatmate’s side. Sighing, you mumble under your breath. “Don’t you have enough space for your things on your side of the table?”
“That’s yours,” he deadpans. Gaze switching between the cup of iced americano from the coffee shop at the corner of the campus (you know it by the plastic cup with their logo on it– it's too tacky for your liking and you even gushed about it to Jimin the day the café opened) and the blonde boy next to you, confusion doesn’t seem to leave your insides as you let out an unfocused hum, showing him that you’re still not following.
“Do you not like coffee or something?” he hisses, seemingly annoyed at your expression. If you saw yourself in the mirror, maybe you’d understand his frustration– your brows are furrowed and there's a crease in the middle of your forehead from how hard you're racking your brain to come up with answers– but now, you’re just in utter disbelief. Maybe you are a little slow– it’s only 8 in the morning, to your defense– but you really don’t remember bringing coffee to school today. Especially not an iced americano– you don’t like the bitter taste, opting to choose a sweeter drink like a caramel macchiato or the infamous pink drink that Jimin teased you for the last time you got it. So how did this strange cup of coffee end up on your table?
Looking around the space, noticing another half-empty cup of coffee on Renjun’s side of the table, the label on the plastic the same as the cup that was waiting on your side, you finally connect the dots. “Did you get that for me?”
“Yeah,” he nods, not even looking at you as he agrees, taking another sip of his coffee instead.
Now, you do finally know where the strange cup of coffee came from. Why did Renjun buy you coffee in the first place, though, is still a mystery to you, but you guess with how he’s avoiding your gaze, eyes glued to the white board and an uninterested expression sitting on his face, you think it’s better to not ask him any other follow-up questions. He did something nice for you, and with how your thoughts and rationalization are the only clues you can use in figuring out the reason behind it, you wonder if this was his way of apologizing for being rude to you and thanking you for hanging out with him last week.
“Thanks,” you mumble out instead, smiling at his humming figure that barely acknowledges your spoken gratitude. Taking a sip of the drink, while trying really, really hard not to scowl at the bitter taste, you shift your focus on the class instead, taking notes from time to time. Drinking the coffee as if it was a disgustingly tasting medicine your mother forced you to take when you were little– you hated the taste, but had to get through it anyway– you eventually finish your iced americano somewhere in the middle of the lecture. You feel kind of proud of your acting skills, but there’s also an annoying voice somewhere in the back of your head asking you why you even forced yourself to get through that drink anyway and why is it that you didn’t want to hurt Renjun’s feelings by refusing it in the first place.
But like anyone in your position would, you shush that voice out of your head.
“Did you finish watching the whole season last week?” you ask instead, suddenly interested in having a conversation with him. After you told Jimin about how your weird hang-out with Renjun went, she practically scolded you for not going home right after he let out the first snarky comment out of his mouth. And maybe she’s right and the whole thing you’re trying to do– but what are you even trying to do in the first place? – makes you seem like you’re out of your mind, but at the end of the day, you did finally progress in watching the TV show after putting it on hold for multiple months because your dear roommate wouldn’t stop begging you to watch all of the seasons of Too hot to handle with you instead, so it’s a win in your book.
“I didn’t,” he replies, his voice quiet enough only for you to hear, not interrupting the rest of the class, “Hyuck, my roommate, didn’t come home until like 11pm and I got too creeped out to watch it alone after you left,” he completes, his face completely serious as he utters out the laughable words.
Chuckling at his response, you see him crack a smile from the corner of your eye. The sight is a rather pleasant one, for you think you've forgotten how it looks in what seems like ages since the obvious breakup with his girlfriend happened, the reminder of his squinted eyes and full cheeks making you feel accomplished, in a way. “Didn’t think you were the type to get scared so easily,” you tease him.
“Not scared,” he huffs out, offended, “just creeped out. That’s different.”
“Did you wait for your roommate because you were too scared to go to sleep?” you test the waters with more teasing, your tone light and playful.
“No, I waited for him because the last time he got home late and I was asleep, he came home drunk and broke down the door to his room and we had to get it replaced,” he announces, making you cover your mouth with the palm of your hand as you almost burst out into a loud giggle.
“You know what? Yeah. Valid.”
Your conversation falls silent after that, and it makes your spirit fall for a split second. You don’t even know why you wanted it to continue– you don’t know your seatmate, and frankly, you shouldn’t have the desire to do so in the first place. But the sudden act of service thrown your way, although the coffee was disgusting and he could’ve presented the gift to you in a different, more welcoming way, made you get your hopes up– about what exactly, though?
Jimin always told you that desperately wanting to be everyone’s friend (despite being socially awkward and kind of nervous around new people), is one of your best and worst qualities at the same time. Best, because it means that you’re nice to people– worst, because you’re nice even to people that don’t deserve your kindness; and you also get too disappointed when people don’t share the same enthusiasm with you. Maybe some friendships are meant to keep at surface level, and if this was the type of relationship you and your project partner are about to have, you’re going to have to let go of that annoying voice in your head that keeps telling you to get deeper than that level.
“Why did you dye your hair, by the way?” you ask him nonetheless, after a few heartbeats of silence, curiosity getting the best of you. The moment this question leaves your mouth, you regret it– thinking you somehow could’ve made the boy uncomfortable, your words annoying to his ears– but instead of rolling his eyes at you or telling you to shut up, he replies instead. The reaction surprises you– he really conditioned you to think that every question of yours is going to be met with spite and tantrum, didn't he?
“Dunno,” he says, shrugging, “they say blondes have more fun, so I think it’s only natural to go blonde when you’re sad. To cancel it out, or something,” he snickers as he looks at you, realizing the implication of his words makes the whole statement kind of embarrassing, his tight-lipped smile being the proof of his internal battle not to cringe at his explanation.
You understand, humming in acknowledgment. You’re just a simple woman, after all– you very well understand the urge to change your hair after a breakup. While it is a visible proof of his mental breakdown, you guess you can’t really blame him for trying to feel like there are things that are under his control; even if it’s just the color of his hair.
Walking along Renjun, the atmosphere is thick and a little awkward. Your bag is heavy on your back and you’re slowly starting to feel a bit of an ugly sting in your bones from it; you mourn the fact that you decided to ask Renjun to walk there with you instead of having to take the bus by yourself, too afraid of getting the address wrong and getting lost along the way. You’d love any kind of transport instead of your own two legs right now, since the walk seems to be never ending and you’re pretty certain that the backs of your feet have calluses from wearing your new shoes that you got from a clearance sale from the Nike store at the corner of the town.
Clearing your throat, you decide to spark up a conversation. It seems like you always have to be the one to initiate things when it comes to Renjun– it’s kind of ironic, though, when you think of the fact that he was the one that made you be his project partner in the first place.“Why did you wanna do the article about the shelter? I didn’t know you were an animal person,” you hum, testing the waters with a casual question.
Looking up at you, furrowing his brows, the man offers you an indifferent shrug. “My friend Taeyong works there and he wanted to advertise the shelter a little, so I offered to take pictures for his Facebook page in exchange for me writing the article about it,” he mumbles, “he thinks that would give the shelter more exposure too, but I doubt it. Nobody’s gonna read our fake magazine anyway, it’s just an assignment…”
Humming, you kick the rocks on the pavement, a tight-lipped smile appearing on your face. Huang Renjun must do a lot for his friends, you think. You remember him taking pictures for his friend Xiaoting once– she’s an influencer (a model, if you want) and well known around the campus. When you saw his instagram username in one of the picture descriptions one day, you were surprised at the quality of those shoots (and it also led you to stalking his instagram for a bit, but that’s not the main point of this conversation). You also remember seeing him with his friends Shotaro and Yangyang in a team when it was your school’s annual Sports day (you’d argue that you’re not high schoolers anymore and this day is useless, but your classmates seem to think otherwise) trying his best, despite not really liking sports in the first place– or so you heard and seen from how badly he did in most disciplines except from running– and if that’s not a sign of him doing everything he could just to make his friends happy, you don’t know what is. So to see him doing an article about the animal shelter Taeyong works at, despite being more of a plant person himself, you’re not as surprised as you thought you’d be. He does show affection to his friends, after all– you’re just not one of them to see that side of him often.
Walking some more, you eventually end up in front of a big building painted a light tangerine color, windows decorated with pretty curtains on full display to you. Renjun chimes in like a regular, crossing multiple halls and taking sharp turns before you’re met with the image of a taller man with dark brown hair putting small, pastel colored collars on necks of a few little creatures running around the room, despair clearly written on his face.
“No! Don’t run away, oh god-”
Chuckling at the view of yet another kitten running away from his hands, you admire the fluffy little cats crawling all around the place, your heart quickly softening at the sight of them. It’s been a while since you were around animals yourself– the dog you had back home died the summer before the semester started and you weren’t really in the mood to get a new one, since you weren’t going to be around much anyway.
When yet another kitten escapes the man’s hold, you find yourself watching Renjun as he crouches to the floor and swiftly takes one into his hands, walking closer to the man with collars in his hands, grinning to himself. “Here you go.”
“Man, the cats hate me… where did you two get here?” he shakes his head in disbelief, putting a collar onto the small cat before he pets it on its tiny head.
“Just a minute ago,” Renjun says, “is that one Poppy?” he asks, reading the name tag dangling from the little band around its head, affection filling his words.
“Now it is. I got confused when they all started running around,” he shrugs, sighing as he looks around the room, counting the last few kittens that needed their collars. His eyes soon land on you, a welcoming smile spreading on his boxy lips. “Hey! I’m Taeyong. You must be Y/N.”
“Nice to meet you,” you smile, trying to make yourself seem as nice as possible. You don’t know what Renjun told him about you, but if they were bad things, you only hope to undeceive the man with your warm attitude.
Renjun then puts the kitten down, and while you’d expect it to run away from him and join its siblings in the corner of the room, the creature does quite the opposite– it stays by his side and lays on the ground close to him, making even Taeyong himself gasp at the image. “Wow,” he snickers, “you should start coming here every time I need to put these on them, you’re like a cat whisperer.”
While the two of them chat, you stay a little behind, not really wanting to intrude. You take off the heavy bag and take out your camera, deciding to take a few pictures of the shelter instead, so you can say you worked on the interview with him. You think it’s expected of you, since he asked you to come along despite being absolutely fully capable of doing the interview with his friend alone, so you do your work and zoom in on the two of them talking, snapping a few quick pictures.
After a while, you take a seat on the ground– being the infamous enjoyer of sitting on the hard surface of it, earning yourself a lot of scolding screams from your mother growing up– and fully take in the interior. The walls are the same light tangerine color as the outside ones, and there’s a little enclosure in the corner of the room that would surely make Taeyong’s job much easier if only he had used it. There are bags of cat food in the other corner of the room, and while the shelter doesn’t look very modern or fancy, you think it’s kinda homey and welcoming. You bet kids would love it here– with the colorful atmosphere and the smiley worker running around catching kittens, and after a while of taking pictures of everything your eyes land on, you find your inner child healing, little by little.
The truth is, you always wanted a cat. But you were never able to get one, because your mother hates them. No matter how hard you tried, no matter how many times you petted strays on the street and begged her to take them home, you never won this battle– so you had to settle on a dog. And don’t get me wrong, you loved your dog, but at the end of the day, you knew you were more of a cat person anyway.
Reaching forward a little, noticing the kitten waddling your way, you think of petting it– it quickly jumps out of your reach, though, too scared of your touch, and you’re left frowning, the bubble bursts at the rejection from the small ball of fluffiness.
“Taeyong?” you hear a voice of a woman call from the door, the man swiftly turning to her with brows raised in question. “They need your help with the big dogs. They keep dragging Yeri on the leash and she’s too weak to get them to their cages.”
“Oh,” the man deadpans, scratching his neck for a bit before he turns to Renjun again, escaping the room in one swift motion, “I’ll be right back!”
The room falls silent after that, no longer having the background noise of their conversation playing as you observe the animals. You feel the atmosphere growing thicker again, and as time passes by, you find yourself taking short glances at your project partner, wondering what’s on his mind. One moment, he’s crouching down and petting the cats that come his way, the other, he is gazing out of the window with a soft frown that takes over his features like a dark shadow, and you wonder when this expression really settled into his face and made itself the default, and why is it not willing to leave. Not really knowing what to say or what to do to make the boy that’s still so out of your reach feel any better, you opt for silence, even though it does get quite heavy and thick over time– and the truth is, you don’t even know why you notice yourself feeling this way so often around him, when all he’s done was give you the cold shoulder so often and then offer you an iced americano you don’t even like in the first place.
Minutes pass and the silence slowly makes your ears ring; you desperately try to find a good solution in your brain– create a script where hanging out with Renjun is easier and less nerve-wrecking– but still, there’s nothing and you’re left with the awkwardness and hesitance. Sighing when another kitten escapes your grasp, you put your hands into your lap and give up on the task, settling on just watching them instead– there was no use in you trying to pet one when all it wanted to do was run away from you.
Watching the group of fluff jumping at each other and sleeping all around the room, your focus only shifts when there’s a kitten suddenly thrusted into your point of view, its big blue eyes staring you down making you awe. You wonder how it got there in a moment of full stupidity before you look up and see your project partner, the cat magnet himself, holding the cat up to you, waiting for you to take it into your hold and pet it. Gazing at him with mouth agape in confusion, he slowly puts the cat into your lap, petting the creature when it settles, and takes a seat opposite of you all in the span of a few seconds, the action making you smile uncontrollably.
“They’re adorable, aren’t they?” he mumbles, watching as you pet the kitten in your lap, cooing at the soft fur. There’s a hint of you that desperately wants to adopt it once you finally pet the small cat, but you know that it wouldn’t be a smart idea– animals are banned at dorms and you don’t think you’d have enough energy to take care of another living creature right now anyways.
“They are,” you hum, “I always wanted one.”
“Why didn’t you get one, then?”
“My mum doesn’t like them very much,” you mumble, pouting at the small creature in your hold, as if to apologize for the words coming out of your mouth.
He hums in acknowledgement, picking up another kitten that waddles his way, putting it up on his thigh– his body now sitting cross-legged on the floor. Watching as the animal crawls up his body and tickles him with its claws, soft laughter erupts out of him, making you smile unconsciously at the boy.
“I’m not really into animals that much,” he says, further proving your earlier claims. See– in some ways, Renjun is easy to read. Just by looking at him, you could tell he’s not a fan of sweet beverages; you can tell he enjoys black coffee– just like the one he brought you that day– and herbal teas, perfectly matching the image of him in your head that’s surrounded by plants rather than animals, just the bit of greenery you saw around the kitchen very clearly still alive and thriving making you believe you are correct in this assumption as well. One can say a lot about a person by the way they dress, and with Renjun’s casual, yet cozy attire, you can tell he dresses for himself, choosing comfort over style, but still looking effortlessly put together at the same time. You would never strike him as someone that makes spontaneous decisions, rather being more focused on a plan, so to see him dye his hair so randomly is a sign of the fact that there’s something crumbling inside of him– a sense of security, maybe a feeling of stableness– that he tries so hard to grasp.
“They are into you, though,” you giggle when the kitten purrs at his touch, pointing at the cross-eyed creature.
“What can I say,” he shrugs, “I guess I’m that irresistible.”
There aren’t many opportunities for you to laugh at his jokes. Mainly because he doesn’t make many, but also because you always notice them being self-deprecating, and you don’t want to support that idea in his head. At this one, though, you send him a soft chuckle and a roll your eyes, showing how you seemingly think the idea is ridiculous and his joke is corny, but deep inside knowing that you resonate with his words.
In a moment of selfishness– an indulgence you try to mask by the fact that you came here because of the assignment and this was your job in the first place– you take your camera and snap a picture of the boy in front of you, his hands holding the small kitten up in air and snickering when he sees you pointing the lens to him in order to capture him playing with the creature. You don’t know what it is that makes your heart warm up at the image that comes up on the screen shortly after, but you figure that’s a problem of future you and there’s no use in pondering about it now.
You don’t know how many minutes pass with just the two of you playing with the kittens, but when Renjun takes his phone out of his pocket and checks the time, you furrow your brows before he hums. “He’s taking so much time,” he says, sighing.
All while playing with the fuzzy small balls, you didn’t even notice the time passing by so quickly. You don’t know how much time it’s been, but you assume it could be more than 35 minutes of the two of you left alone in the room, Taeyong seemingly too overwhelmed with the shelter responsibilities.
“Maybe we should go,” he offers, catching you off guard.
“Oh,” you hum, “well, maybe. But you haven’t even done an interview with him yet,” you mumble, your hands lost in the soft fur of the kitten still laying in your lap.
“I can just send him the questions to his email. Perhaps, I’m sure you’ve taken more than enough pictures of the kittens for his Facebook page,” he snickers, shrugging, “I don’t see why we should be staying here if he’s busy, we’re only putting more work on him.”
“I- I mean…” you mumble, trailing off at the end. You don’t really wanna say goodbye to the kittens, the healing in your heart not quite done yet, when the boy next to you laughs at what you presume is your emotions showing clearly on your face.
“Unless you wanna play with them more, of course. We can stay a little longer, then.”
The autumn season slowly fades into winter, time passing by quicker than you could even grasp. The shock and surprise of having to work on the lengthy project with Renjun morphs into a feeling of ordinarity, getting used to his mood slowly shifting from reserved and irritated to a one more pleasant, full of hesitant smiles and soft words when he notices you feeling down or disappointed with yourself, and a one more close to a brother-like teasing when he watches you arrive to his apartment to work on things. One would say you hit it off, your energies matching as you slowly get to know the boy, but still, there’s a hint of something inside of you that makes you grow nervous around him whenever he is too close to your figure, your body falling limp and your brain working on overdrive. You wonder if it’s the sheer fact of simply not being fully used to his presence; while Jimin says you’re down bad for the man. She’s wrong– or at least you’re convinced that she is– and that’s why you simply think the uncertain feeling of uneasiness that settles in your bones sometimes is the effect of the fact that you never truly know what to expect when you arrive at Renjun’s place.
Some days, when you arrive, there’s a mess waiting for you in the living room, where you usually work on the project with Renjun. There are pots and pans with dried food everywhere and your partner’s hands are foaming with washing liquid when he opens the door for you, and you giggle at the sight. Other days, the apartment is full of people you don’t know and Renjun has to throw them out with a scream saying that the group was supposed to leave two hours ago, and when you come on weekends, he lets you in wearing sweatpants and bed hair, as if he spent the whole day in his sheets. Dare you say, this is your favorite version of him– his eyes are half-lidded and he moves slowly, even his remarks aren’t as harsh as they tend to get. Jimin once argued and told you that you two don’t even need to meet that often for the sake of the project– and on a weekend as well– but you’d say it adds to the value of the magazine if you two can get opinions out of each other and review each other’s writing in real time.
Some days, his roommate is home, and that’s when you join Renjun in his room so you two get a bit of privacy (not that you’re doing anything that requires privacy. His roommate Donghyuck is just very nosy and he keeps asking you questions you don’t have the time and energy to answer).
Today is one of these days, with his energetic roommate roaming the halls of the apartment, but this time, you two don’t hide away in the comfort of Renjun’s small, yet very organized room. Sitting in the living room of his and Hyuck’s shared apartment, your bottom meeting the carpeted floor instead of the cushions of their couch, your laptop screen darkening when you don’t work on the device for some time and it puts itself to sleep mode. The reason for said action is your attention being somewhere completely else– on Donghyuck’s figure trailing in and out of the room, each time wearing a different outfit than before.
“What about this one, Y/N? Do I look good?” he asks, posing like a model that didn’t pass an audition in any modeling agency, their dream of flashing a smile on the title pages of Vogue fading out of their sight.
You burst out laughing at the weird combination. You don’t remember Donghyuck ever being bad at fashion from the few times you've met him before he left their apartment to attend a party or go to class– you’re quite certain that his habit to always tuck in his shirts into his skinny jeans, the stylistic choice showcasing his long legs making not one, but many girls, boys and others salivate over him. But when seeing him in a tragic combination of cowboy boots and a cow-print shirt, you can’t help but giggle.
“Hyuck, now you’re just taking the shit. That’s your Halloween costume from last year,” the boy next to you on the ground whines, running his hands through his hair in despair.
“Okay, but what if I really want to wear it?” he asks all innocent, his roommate now faking a cry in response, “besides, I was asking Y/N, so you shut your mouth.”
“I think it’s great,” you nod, wiping the corner of your eyes from the stray tears that fall off from the laughter you’ve been doing at the interaction. Your assignment was long forgotten the first moment Donghyuck decided to pay you a visit in the living room, starting with shitting on his professor for making him study on a weekend (which you argued that he could’ve started with earlier in the week, to which he glared at you and asked if he looks like a nerd), and then proceeding to do everything but study– starting with making a smoothie in the living room– while efficiently making so much noise with the mixer every time Renjun spoke up, annoying the short male– to giving you a make-shift fashion show.
“Do you want me to embarrass myself? See, I wore this to test if you were being genuine, but I see now that you’re on Renjun’s side,” he scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief and escaping the living room, making you burst out laughing even more as you hear the door to his room shut with a loud thud.
He’ll come back soon– you’re sure of it.
And you’re right. After Renjun manages to let out a loud noise of despair at the fact that he has to live with someone like Lee Donghyuck– not only now, he complains about it every other day, when the latter drags him to parties only for him to be the designated driver for the night and get him home safely, or how he makes him pay for dinner he orders for the both of them without asking– the other man joins you in the living room again, now dressed casually in sweatpants and a loose shirt.
“Okay, the fashion show’s over. I think I’ll go with the first outfit, just by the way, because it matches my eyes,” he says, quite seriously, to which Renjun only sighs.
“Hyuck, your eyes are brown.”
“Okay and?”
“That what you wore was– you know what, never mind…” Renjun shakes his head as he stops himself mid-sentence, making you snicker at the mental image of the outfit Donghyuck’s talking about, because frankly, Renjun is right with his frustration. The shirt his roommate wore was blue, and while it didn’t clash in the slightest, it surely didn’t match the brown depth of Donghyuck’s orbs, and that’s what makes the whole thing that much funnier.
Turning your head around to watch Renjun’s roommate moving through the kitchen area, opening up the fridge and pouring himself a glass of milk– you don’t even dare to question him anymore– you ask. “What is the occasion anyway?”
“Jisung’s birthday party,” he mumbles, taking a sip, “you know Park Jisung, right?”
“Never heard of him,” you shake your head, seeing as the man widens his eyes at you with surprise.
“No? Well, you’re gonna get to know him soon, then,” he says, shrugging.
“That sounds like a threat,” you giggle, “what do you even mean?”
To that, Donghyuck shifts his eyes to his roommate sitting next to you on the ground, shrugging. “Well, I assumed you were invited…” he says, grinning to himself.
The man next to you audibly sighs– what is the reason behind his frustration this time, you truly do not know, but with Renjun, there’s always something getting on his nerves. He has a problem with having his anger in control sometimes.
Furrowing your eyebrows at the proposition, you shake your head. “Why would I be invited to Park Jisung’s birthday party?”
“Because it’s quite the event! Park Jisung’s turning into an adult, and to that, he’s throwing a big party, which means friends of friends of friends are invited,” he says, as if it was the most matter-of-fact information you’ve ever heard, “and since you’re a friend of a friend, I’d assume you get a pass.”
Shrugging, you mutter. “Well, I wasn’t invited,” you add, not paying the whole party much thought.
The man squints his eyes at the two of you, eyes drifting from one figure to the other, humming to himself as if he was lost in thought. “Okay, then…” he mysteriously mumbles under his breath before downing the glass and putting it into the sink, completing his visit by exiting the living room.
“Would you come back and wash your dishes after yourself?” Renjun yells into the depths of the apartment, a sneaky remark being thrown his way almost immediately.
“No, thank you!”
And after watching the interaction, you come to the conclusion that if you were living with Lee Donghyuck, you'd turn kind of crazy too. You can’t even blame Renjun anymore. Truth be told, though, you didn’t get much work done that Saturday, and you think his sheer presence might be the reason why.
“What do you think?” you ask, turning your laptop towards Renjun, the two of you currently sitting in the library, working on your project. Originally, you had planned to go to your place– but Jimin texted you last second that she has a guy over, and Renjun said his roommate has a gathering of some sort at his apartment, so you settled on the comfort and silence your university library provides. Not a lot of people are here during this time of the year; the exam season isn’t that close yet and no one’s panicking about last-minute studying, so only a few responsible students are currently scattered across the spacious room on the second floor, working on their essays. You bet they’re humanities students– they always have the most shit to do when it comes to essays. You study Journalism, but your roommate is a Sociology major, and you don’t think you’ve ever seen anyone write as many essays as Jimin in a single semester.
What you’re showing Renjun is an opened Microsoft Publisher document, your shared magazine shining from the blue light of the screen. Renjun sent you his copy of the pages he’s done with the animal shelter interview, and as you were looking at the columns of text and off-centered pictures, the perfectionist in you woke up and forced you to fix the tiny mistakes that didn’t escape your eye.
“It’s different,” he hums, eyebrows furrowing as he examines the two-page spread, resting his head on his hand, plopped up on his elbow, and pushing his rimmed glasses further up his nose bridge. “Did you change anything?”
“I just�� played around with it a little,” you mumble, afraid of what he thinks. As far as you know, he could flip out any second and scream at you for doing his work when it was perfectly fine the way he sent it to you– at least the Huang Renjun you met a few weeks ago would certainly do that– and so you don’t think it’s that unexpected of you to be so nervous about his opinion.
“This picture wasn’t here before,” he says, pointing to one of the pictures you neatly slotted into the corner of the page– it was one of your favorites, you must admit with severe embarrassment– with Renjun holding up a baby kitten, looking at it with softened eyes. When you looked at the page spread he sent you the other day, you couldn’t believe he didn’t add that picture. Something about it being your favorite– finding yourself admiring it when you look through the pictures on your camera’s SD card– was enough to make you think it’s surely his favorite as well. It didn’t matter that it didn’t really fit the professional aura the whole spread radiates. For you, the magazine wasn’t complete without including it– think of that what you will.
“It was asymmetrical without it, so I had to add it…” you say, scratching the back of your neck. That’s a partial lie– you could make it work if you moved the pictures around a little bit, but Renjun doesn’t have to know that.
He hums, eyes scanning over the text, shrugging. “It’s nice. As long as you didn’t change the text part, I don’t mind,” he says, relief making your shoulders slouch down, not even noticing how tense you’ve become, “I actually got bored while working on this, so I get that it didn’t really look nice before. Thanks,” he completes, offering you a soft smile as he takes a sip of the black americano sitting on the desk.
“Good,” you nod, shaking off the nervousness from before, “okay.”
Scrolling through the document, moving a few things around, adding better punctuation here and there, the number of pages is still not hitting the criteria for your final grade. That’s okay– you still have a lot of time to complete the magazine and you still have plenty of ideas. To execute them is another thing, but you’re sure you’ll find a way.
“What about your interview?” Renjun suddenly asks, almost making you jump up from the surprise that is created by his voice suddenly cutting through the silence of the library.
“What about it?” you hum, looking at him. His hair is a little tousled– he’s been putting in way less work than you today, laying on the table occasionally when you don’t show him anything on your laptop for a while, acting more as your company than a help. It looks like the coffee on his table is the only thing keeping him awake, and you suddenly feel a little bad for insisting on working on the project even though your initial plans of doing it at your place fell through, because he seems to be exhausted.
“Well, I did the shelter, so you should do something too,” he says, shrugging, “or do something similar, you know… I think it would be nice to have you write about something from a reporter's perspective.”
“Oh,” you nod, “well, I dunno… I had a few ideas, but it’s…”
“Hm?” he motions for you to talk when your voice drifts out, eyes looking at you with patience and genuine interest. The change of demeanor that’s been happening with him lately slightly shocks you, but you welcome the new character in him with open arms. Still, it doesn’t mean you don’t get a little hesitant around him whenever he shows you this side of him– you don’t really know how to react, or what to expect of him anymore. It’s like walking on eggshells, but you can’t say you hate the strange anticipation.
“Well, it’s stupid, but…” you start, seeing him roll his eyes at the beginning of your proposition, “my favorite writer is doing some sort of a fan sign slash q&a thing in the local library next week. She’s coming out with a new book, and I think it would be nice to get an interview with her, but she’s probably very busy and everything, so that won’t work out.”
Looking at Renjun, feeling shy of the sudden revelation of hopes and dreams, you chew on your bottom lip in anticipation. The range of answers he could give you is truly big– he could laugh at you, tell you to go alone, or he could tell you that it’s a stupid idea, a boring one, even, or he could be supportive– the least likely response, you think. Sharing your idea with him makes you a little hesitant again, feeling a little naked in front of him, and you even avert your gaze towards your laptop and aimlessly scroll through the document to avoid his gaze, to seem more nonchalant and not at all bothered by his lack of words, when he gives you a tired hum.
“Well, you could at least do an article about the library, then. To advertise sustainability, and all… And kids these days don’t read much, so I think it’s nice to talk about it,” he says, once again folding over the table and burrowing his face in the space between his folded arms and his chest, half sitting, half laying down on the furniture, “wanna go next week? Maybe we can catch that writer of yours.”
Allowing yourself to look at him, relief once again washing over you at the acceptance, you can’t help but smile at his slurred words of affirmation. “I mean, I’m down…”
Doubting you could get the interview– not even trying to reach out to the writer, already setting yourself up for the expected failure– you make plans to visit the library the said day with Renjun anyway. You’ll get your camera and maybe get some nice shots, maybe ask around for an interview from one of the nice, old librarians instead. It’s not a bad idea, and it fits the vibe of your magazine quite nicely.
Who knows, maybe you could even get your book signed. Doesn’t hurt to try.
You think it was safe to say that you didn’t expect to see a text message pop up on the screen of your phone one afternoon, the black letters shining darkly on the bright screen with a hesitant, yet a little hurried invitation to Park Jisung’s birthday party. The whole interaction you had about it with Renjun and Hyuck was awkward, and so to see getting an invitation for yourself the day of the said event was a shocking concept, leaving you scrambling your things from various places of your apartment and putting them into a handbag before getting dressed for the occasion.
Quickly learning that Lee Donghyuck is a man of his word– meaning that he never lies, especially when it comes to big parties– your mouth hangs open when you arrive to the address Renjun texted you in the afternoon, the big mension-like building full of people you’ve never seen before, leaving you to acknowledge that friends of friends of friends must have been invited to fill up the whole place, since it’s not possible for poor Park Jisung to know everyone at his birthday party. The fact makes you feel less special; the invitation not really making you feel like you were wanted there, the place breaking in its seams making you internalize a thought that you were there just to fill up the blank spaces and Renjun invited you only for the sheer fact of needing a lot of people for his friend’s party. A little disappointed, yet, still kind of amazed at the size of it all, you walk out of Jimin’s car– she offered to drive you there– and hesitantly set your foot to the grass that divides the land from the sidewalk.
Feeling a little lost, turning your head in various directions to try to find anyone you’d know– Huang Renjun being the best alternative, since he was the one who invited you, after all– you start to feel a little out of place when no one pays you any attention and the loud music filling your ears only acts as a distraction that slowly makes you oversaturated with stimulus. Just when you go to take your phone out of your bag to call either Renjun or your roommate to come back to pick you up and drive you to the safety of your apartment, a hand lands on your shoulder and makes you turn around in your tracks, a strange sense of comfort enveloping your insides when you see the short blonde peeking at you from under his carelessly styled bangs, a grin sitting on his face. “You’re here!”
“Yeah. I told you I’d come…?” you mumble, observing Renjun’s sudden enthusiasm at your arrival, letting the man drag you inside of the building.
You’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel all the eyes of the guests on you. While you were a stranger to all of them, you are almost certain the popular Huang Renjun was one of the more known people of the bunch, catching attention of multiple friends of his and also friends of their friends, and suddenly, the feeling of his touch on your wrist as he drags you inside makes your skin burn, your brain almost overheating when you realize this might as well be the first time you’ve had any sort of physical contact with the male. Fixing your gaze on his back, enveloped in an oversized leather jacket, you start to wonder if he’s drunk.
“Do you want anything to drink?” he asks, finally turning back to you when you arrive in the spacious kitchen. You wonder if this house is rented, or if Park Jisung’s one of the wealthy kids in the town. You truly have no knowledge on the man, and when you hesitantly look around the room, trying to sort out what alcohol they have in store– while mentally thinking of what would make you the least hammered, considering your low alcohol tolerance– you feel Renjun’s eyes glued to you, heat inevitably rising to your cheeks. “What’s that in your hand?” he asks, making you jump out of your haze.
“Oh,” you stutter, “I brought a birthday gift for Jisung,” you mumble, seeing Renjun’s glossy eyes blink at you a few times, his lips suddenly twitching up in amusement. In this moment, you think he truly must be drunk, his fingers reaching towards the gift bag in your left hand as he peeks inside, noticing the handwritten card and a box of chocolates you brought to the boy you’ve never seen before. Your project partner cracks up as he puts the bag away to the corner of the room.
“You’re too sweet for this world,” Renjun giggles as he looks back at you, making you widen your eyes in surprise at the affectionate words falling off his tongue.
“Why?”
“Nobody actually expected you to bring a gift, you know,” he says as he walks through the half-empty kitchen, eyes roaming over the solo cups filled with alcohol, “you don’t even know him. Half the people here don’t know him and I’m pretty sure half of his actual friend group didn’t give him anything.”
“Oh,” you blink, suddenly feeling stupid. “Well, I didn’t want to seem rude…” you sheepishly mumble, scratching the back of your neck in hesitance. Maybe you did go a little overboard– nobody can really blame you, though. You’re not a big party goer, and since it’s someone’s birthday, you only assumed it’s socially expected of you to bring a gift. And it’s Renjun’s friend, on top of that– one would say you wanted to give off a good impression, as his plus-one to the party, whatever that means. If you were considered that, to be exact– with the amount of people here, though, you were starting to feel a little lost in the situation.
“See, you’re too sweet,” he says, shrugging, eyes still fixated on the kitchen counter as he seemingly searches for a specific drink. Arm motioning towards one of the red solo cups, he suddenly turns to you and offers you the contents, smiling. “He loves chocolate, though, so that gift’s gonna be his favorite. Well, if it even gets to him in this whole mess… rum and coke?” he asks, and without much thought, you eagerly take the cup from his hand, nodding.
“Thanks,” you say, tasting the alcohol on your tongue. You don’t tell him that rum and coke is your biggest enemy– not because it tastes bad, quite the opposite, actually. You enjoy the mixture too much for you to control yourself sometimes. You can only pray that you don’t get too loose tonight.
The man’s eyes stay strangely glued to your figure as you sip from the cup, and you almost open your mouth to tease him about it– or ask if there’s something on your face, either or– when there’s a chant coming out of one of the rooms outside, incoherent screams slowly forming into one recognisable word– a name, to be exact– the voices calling Park Jisung, tonight’s birthday boy. Renjun’s eyes widen at that, his body moving fast as he tugs you by your hand again, almost spilling your drink in the process, your figure suddenly standing in a living room seemingly bigger than your whole apartment, the sight in front of you making you laugh.
A tall, lanky boy is thrown up in the air by the arms of multiple men– one of which you recognise to be Hyuck– as the whole room chants Jisung's name, the sight a little comedic in your eyes. Rose tint settles on Park Jisung's face as the whistling only gets louder, a few phones with the flash turned on pointed to his face, the moment captured in time. You wonder what the boy did in his life to get this amount of popularity, but you can only imagine that, as one would say, this could very well be a core memory for him. You only turn adult once in your life, and for some reason, the thought of Park Jisung doing so surrounded by his friends that threw him perhaps the biggest birthday party in the history of your university campus, you get a little emotional for him. Maybe Renjun was right with you being too sweet for this world– in this moment, though, you think you’re too soft instead.
After a while, the men get tired of holding up his weight and the boy slowly comes down from the high, the hollering getting more quiet as it turns into the birthday song, making you join in with the singing. The thought of being an outcast, just a random person in the crowd slowly seeps away when you feel included in the moment, worry leaving you as you watch Donghyuck– the biggest hype man of his friends, or so it seems– shake the birthday boy vigorously by his shoulders before he lets go and plants a sloppy kiss to his cheek, which leads to the two of them chasing each other around the crowded place.
Watching the whole scene unfold right in front of your eyes, you find yourself gazing at Renjun from the corner of your eye, the bright grin on his face making your heart squeeze in a weird way. He seems so happy in this moment, dragging you from room to room excitedly as if he was a regular in this place, the joy of celebrating his friend making his flushed face glow in a healthy way. You got used to seeing his face clouded in a shadow; the worried crease in between his eyebrows and the darkness under his eyes regular visitors in his expression, so to see him seep in the ugly orange lights of the luxurious house tugs at your heartstrings in a way you choose to not recognize or name.
“Y/N!” you hear your name screamed from somewhere in the room, making you tear your eyes away from the man standing by your side. Looking at the source of the yell, you find Lee Donghyuck striding towards you with his long legs, the action almost threatening, yet, his face beams in an excited aura.
“Hyuck!”
“You came!” he yells back in the same energy as last time, although his body is now only a few steps away from you, making you giggle. You recognise his outfit to be one of the multiple he showed you back at their apartment before he started acting all silly, the memory making you laugh in fondness.
“I did!” you nod, “I got invited,” you say, voice almost sounding proud of the achievement.
“Yeah, I know,” he says as his eyes drift from you to Renjun, his eyebrows wiggling suggestively before he earns himself a punch to the shoulder from his roommate, a sharp, over-exaggerated scowl escaping his lips at the motion. “Come meet Jisung!” he quickly switches up the topic, dragging you along with himself like a rag doll in an instance. He must be drunk; you think.
You wonder why you keep being dragged around the house– maybe it’s a sign that you’re too weak and should probably start working out more so you can stand your ground. Nonetheless, you follow the man as you look around, as if to apologize to Renjun for leaving him, when you see the blonde following you to the small group in the corner of the living room, recognising them to be the ones holding up Jisung just a few minutes prior.
“Jisung! This is Y/N!” Donghyuck utters out as soon as you get to the small gathering, all eyes suddenly glued to you. You wouldn’t say it made you feel comfortable or even invited– quite the opposite, to be honest– but the man that was addressed cutely turns to you, a shy smile plastered on his face when he greets you.
“Ah! Hello!”
You doubt Park Jisung even knows who you are. You doubt any of these people do– with how they’re looking at you in examination, but you still bite through it as you force a smile on your face. “Happy birthday,” you say to him, earning yourself a bright smile from the recipient.
“Thanks!” he beams. “You’re Renjun hyung’s friend, right?” he asks in response, almost making you choke on your spit in surprise at the fact that the boy knows who you are, which leads you to believe that you were talked about in this circle before.
“Sort of,” you nod, forcing out a giggle.
“Sort of?” the annoyed voice of Huang Renjun himself fills your ears from your right, making you jump up at the proximity of him that you weren’t aware of before, the mock offense on his face making you giggle when you think of the remorse he treated you with when you first met. He looked like he never wanted to speak to you in his life, and now he’s acting offended at you not fully calling him your friend? Yes, you did that to spite him– because if you weren’t friends, you truly don’t know what you were even doing here in the first place– but you still think the whole thing is a little ironic. “You’re at our house at least once a week and we’re not friends in your eyes?”
“Well, that’s only because I have to,” you argue, when the man only shakes his head at you in disbelief.
“Okay, you’re not allowed to eat our snacks when you come over anymore,” he says, shrugging in nonchalance. Laughing, you find yourself looking over the group you’re standing with, the discomfort slowly fading away when you engage in conversation with Renjun. You catch a few names you can’t really place to their respective faces– mainly because Jisung was the only one formally introduced to you– when you notice a girl staring at you in examination, her figure not noticed by you before.
The longer you stare at her, the longer you start to recognise her, and before you let panic overtake you– in all honesty, you don’t even know why you’d panic at this fact– you realize it’s none other than Huh Yunjin, your friend’s ‘cheating ex-girlfriend’ looking at you with something resembling spite in her eyes, her jaw clenched and her look glazing from your outfit to your face, as if mentally scoring you on your attractiveness, judging every detail of your body, all while a tall boy hugs her to his side– whom you presume is her new boyfriend.
He looks nothing like Renjun– he is quite the opposite, if you really think about it– and even though you tear your eyes away from her figure, your brain still screams at you with arguments that you look nothing like her; even though it shouldn’t really matter. You’re not Huang Renjun’s new girlfriend– not even the object of his desire, or the new girl by his side– you’re just his project partner, a classmate he’s grown to calling a friend, but still, you can’t help but notice her radiating beauty, the outshining features on her face and the charismatic aura she radiates– the polar opposite to everything you’d describe yourself as; and the comfort you felt while talking with Renjun’s friends is suddenly swept under the carpet, long forgotten when you still feel her eyes burning through your skull, her gaze making you like an intruder, someone who’s not supposed to be here, someone who doesn’t belong.
And to make things even worse, you suddenly feel Renjun’s hand around your waist, and when your eyes lock with his you swear you see a hint of understatement in them, something that lets you know that he’s aware of his ex girlfriend’s burning stare; his protective side kicking in, yet still making you question the matter even more.
You bet he did it to soothe you. You can even clearly read his intentions in the warm smile he sends you when he squeezes your side, hugging you closer to himself, but the more you’re aware of his burning palm on your flesh, the more uncertain you become, the less engaged in the conversation you get, and the more uncomfortable you feel under the orange lights of the living room.
“Wanna go outside? I’m pretty sure they have a karaoke machine there, if you wanna play,” you feel Renjun whisper into your ear, his warm breath hitting your skin, the hint of vodka in it supporting your earlier claims and that he was at least a little tipsy after all.
Nonetheless, you nod and find him leading you outside, not before you turn around to look at Yunjin for one last time, though, seeing clear jealousy shading her expression; making you wonder if you were invited just because she was too, and if you just fulfilled your designated role for the night.
“Are you sure you don’t mind?” you ask, looking at your companion as the two of you sit on the stairs outside of the university building, your bags carelessly placed at your feet. It’s getting quite dark out, the winter days still being insanely short even though it’s the middle of February and spring is slowly approaching the town. The two of you had worked on your assignment in the library before Renjun told you that he has to wait for his friends Jeno and Donghyuck to pick him up, since they are meeting up with their friends from high school, their friend group living out of town requiring the two of them to take a drive there.
“Of course not,” Renjun shakes his head, “I offered to drop you off, so why would I mind?”
“What about your friends–”
“If they have anything against it, I’ll make sure to choke them, so don’t worry about that,” Renjun softly laughs at his own joke, trying to ease you. Still, there’s something inside of you that makes the atmosphere heavy and thick, having you crack your knuckles as you sit in silence, chewing on your bottom lip from nerves.
“What’s up? You’ve been acting weird lately,” Renjun hums, looking at you from his place on your left.
You tried hard to mask your hesitance, especially because you think the worries inside of you are stupid, but you can’t help but feel a hint of discomfort whenever you think of Jisung’s birthday party. Sure, you had a great time– his friends were nice to you, Hyuck even dramatically sang a song at the karaoke with you when Renjun got tired, the two of you taking shots together when you were done. You danced with Renjun after, the music keeping you close, and when you got tired, he walked you home. Everything felt normal between you– except from the weird closeness and occasional touches he sent your way– but you presume that was the effect of alcohol, so you didn’t ponder on it that much.
The eyes of his ex girlfriend on you the whole evening is what made you feel a bit itsy about the situation, and even though there was no hint that would further prove your previous claims, you can’t help but think about Huh Yunjin from time to time, and that’s what makes you feel at least a bit awkward about the whole thing.
“Nothing, I’m fine,” you say, trying to play it off.
“Come on,” Renjun sighs, “tell me. Is it something I did?”
Shaking your head, you roll your eyes at his insisting. The shift in dynamic is ironical, to say the least– 4 months ago, he wouldn’t care about what was making you feel so down, he wouldn’t even care about you walking home from university alone in the darkness of the evening hours, but now, the crease between his brows almost makes him look worried about you, and you can’t say you hate it– even though in this moment, you’d rather have him not care at all.
“Okay, so I’ll just play a guessing game, then,” he scoffs, humming, lost in thought. “You’ve been weird since the party. Something happened there?”
“No,” you disagree, tone of voice almost sounding desperate and harrowing, not really wanting him to keep asking about the reasoning behind your mood.
“Okay, so that’s a yes. Did someone make you feel uncomfortable? Do I need to beat somebody up? Oh god, was it Hyuck? That fucker said something to you, right? I’m gonna lock him out of the apartment, I swear to god–”
“It wasn’t Hyuck,” you giggle at his outrage, deciding to save his roommate’s life.
“It wasn’t?” he asks, seemingly genuinely surprised, expecting his devilish roommate to be the reason behind all the bad things in the world. “Okay, so it must have been me, no? What did I do?”
Sighing and shaking your head in disbelief at his insistence, you grunt. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Jun, can you just stop asking?” you say, the nickname rolling of your tongue automatically, without much thinking.
There’s a moment of silence between the two of you. It does nothing to help you relax or feel better about the situation, but at least you think Renjun finally dropped the topic and won’t ask you about it again. You’d rather have the ground swallow you whole than to admit what’s been bugging you, especially when it’s Renjun himself you’re talking to about the matter.
You were, once again, wrong in your assumptions. Renjun did not drop the topic– no, he just took his sweet time to hit the nail on the head.
“Was it because of Yunjin?”
The question opens a pit in your stomach, the embarrassment creeping out of your body and making you heat up not helping your case. Hands clammy as you shake your head and gesture, trying to prove your disagreement with the question to the best of your abilities– but only making yourself look stupid and like you’re trying too hard– your words come out weirdly high-pitched, only further proving Renjun’s point.
“No, it– it’s not that, I– I–”
Renjun scoffs at you, shaking his head. “It’s okay. Did she– did she make you feel uncomfortable? I know she’s been staring a lot the whole evening, I’m sorry about that…”
His words do a little to comfort you. You wouldn’t say you were perfectly fine with the fact that he knows that it was his ex girlfriend that’s been on your mind the past few days– because you two aren’t dating, and realistically, this shouldn’t matter to you– but his understanding eyes bearing into yours make you calm down a little when you sigh and avert your gaze, chewing on the inside of your cheek before you speak back up again.
“It’s okay,” you hum, “I– It was expected, I guess?”
Renjun hums, eyes focusing somewhere into the unknown. Picking at the skin on your cuticles, you think the conversation is over and you’ve done a good job at playing it off, half of your worries now soothed, but Renjun is a man full of surprises, it seems, when he looks at you again, licking his lips in hesitance.
“But that’s not all, is it?” he asks, but he gets no answer from you. It doesn’t matter– your silence is enough of a conformation. “Look, I didn’t… I didn’t invite you to make her jealous, or anything, if that’s what’s running through that brain of yours, okay? I didn’t even know she would be there.”
Blinking a few times at him, not expecting him to read you so well, you let out the breath you didn’t even know you’ve been holding, nodding at his reassuring words. “Oh…”
“I invited you because I thought you’d have fun… and because I kind of wanted you there. And so did Hyuck, actually, he thinks you’re his platonic soulmate, or something–” the man rambles, explaining his intentions to you, the frantic words coming out of his mouth making you giggle. Relief washes over his face at that, noticing the ease in the atmosphere, his hand gently squeezing your knee when your laughs get quiet. “Everything’s good now?”
“Yeah,” you nod, “thanks. It was silly, but– you know,” you shrug, awkwardly grinning to yourself.
“Yeah,” he sighs out, looking back in front of him, the moment of silent sincerity between the two of you having him open up to you, “it wasn’t like that. me and her… it wasn’t quite the same for a while, you know? Like, I knew it was over before it really happened, but nonetheless, I didn’t expect her to… to do what she did to end it.”
You hum, not really knowing what words you could offer him to console him. Not really wanting to ask any more questions, you wait for him to talk by himself, to assure you’re not insensitive or prying too much. You’ll let him tell you how much he wants, and you’ll silently thank him for the trust he has in you when holding up his feelings to you on a silver platter, naked and vulnerable for you to see and examine.
“It’s like… I wanted to end it, but not with her cheating on me. That– that hurt more than the actual break up, I think. And maybe it shouldn’t matter, because I wasn’t in love with her anymore anyway, but it still… left a scar, I think,” he hums, and by the way he plays with his fingers in his lap, you can tell he didn’t expect himself to open up to you like this– maybe this is the first time he’s even sharing this with anyone, and the urge to protect him and his heart is suddenly stronger than ever before, even though it’s been somewhere there, deep inside of you, all along.
“That’s valid,” you say, “nobody deserves that to happen to them, no matter how your relationship looked at the time. You were still together, and she shouldn’t have done that,” you mumble, hoping to provide comfort to him, but also hoping your words aren’t unwelcome at this very moment.
The blonde looks at you, an appreciative smile appearing on his face. “Thanks,” he says. There’s nothing to thank you for, you think, but perhaps those are the words he needed to hear for a while now. Perhaps your sentences just mended something in him, perhaps you were the voice that finally made him admit that what he’s been feeling about the situation wasn’t stupid or irrational.
In a moment of weakness, a selfish masochism, even, you let out a prying sentence slip out of your lips– a sentence that could hurt you, have you not been prepared for the outcome. And maybe you were going too far, maybe you should’ve stayed quiet, but you can’t turn back time and the words were already spoken. “Do you ever miss her?”
Renjun thinks for a while– a heartbeat of a second that makes you feel like you’re falling into a deep abyss– before he shakes his head. “Not really. Not her, I don’t miss her. I think that sometimes, I just miss what we had, but… that’s long gone.”
Humming indifferently, you accept his response in a quiet solace.
You don’t know where this conversation brings you, but you bet it’s a step in some direction.
After a while, with Renjun’s head soundly resting on your shoulder when the silence gets too long, yet a comforting aura still shades the two of you sitting at the stairs, there’s a black Ford Fiesta honking at the parking lot, the two of you jumping to your feet. The boy drags you to the backseat, your bags hitting the floor of the vehicle, as Jeno looks back at you from the front, smiling at you with moon crescents in his eyes.
“Hello!”
“Hi,” you breathe out.
“Is Y/N tagging along?” Hyuck gasps from the passenger’s seat, turning towards you two, a face of a pleasant surprise written all over his face. You know what, maybe Renjun was right and you and his roommate are platonic soulmates of some sort. Or at least that’s how Lee Donghyuck’s been acting ever since the day he met you.
“I’m not,” you giggle, shaking your head in disapproval.
“Jeno, can you drop Y/N off at her apartment?” Renjun hums, and suddenly, the previous worries leave you as soon as the tall man nods and tells you to navigate him to your place. There was no reason why you’d be rejected by Renjun’s friends– for more reasons than one, you just aren’t aware of them yet.
The ride to your apartment is filled with laughter. Squinting at your project partner sitting next to you at the back of the car, you notice that he’s glowing brightly in the reflections of the lampposts shining through the windows of the car, a stolen galaxy swirling in his eyes when your eyes meet when you pay your goodbyes to the guys while getting off at your driveway a few minutes later.
And it’s quite funny. You don’t even live that far.
–
Clapping when your favorite writer completes the little interactive Q&A at the local library on a Monday afternoon– all throughout you didn’t have any courage to ask any questions yourself, even though you had plenty– you stand up from your place at one of the little, lanky folding chairs in the back of the room and smooth your hands over the skirt of your dress, getting the creases out. You’ve learned a lot about the author today– all from how she started writing, what inspired her to write your most favorite novel, and where she finds her inspiration for writing. You have a lot of information, yet, you still bet you could master more questions, if you were to do an interview with her– you wouldn’t even have to try as hard.
Reading is one of your passions, it’s something that brought you to the love you have for writing, and although you didn’t stick with fiction for long, finding that the world building and creating plot and characters got boring for you after a while, you found your love for writing shining through when you type articles; making sure your headlines are captivating, that your articles are well-structured and bring something new to the table. It’s a completely different branch– some would say a less creative one– but it’s undeniable that the love for it started in you when you first started reading books, when you were little, in the quiet and comfort of your room.
Glancing back at Renjun, the boy follows you like a lost puppy (you bet it’s his first time at the library, despite him owning quite a few books himself– you noticed so while examining his room one time and found classics in his bookshelf), he offers you a soft smile, nudging you to keep walking. There’s a line forming towards the head of the room, where the writer is still sitting, numbers of passionate readers and fans of her work waiting to get their books signed. There’s a little stand in the middle of the far right wall, containing numerous books written by the person currently sitting in the same room, breathing the same air as you two, and you don’t hesitate to buy the latest one, the one you haven’t had the chance to read yet, with the intention of getting it signed.
“Which one’s your favorite?” Renjun asks, standing close to you and pointing towards the stacks of books on the stand.
“That one,” you hum, bringing his attention to the paperback cover at the very corner of the stand, watching as the man takes it into his hands and flips it over, reading through the summary. He looks like one of those Pinterest boards you’d title ‘Dark academia’ with a series of emojis that fit the ‘aesthetic’, with his plaid coat layered on top of a knitted, light brown sweater, the blonde fringe slightly falling into his eyes.
“I’ll get this one, then,” he looks at one of the ladies behind the stand, smiling at her as he gets his wallet out.
“Don’t you want the latest one?”
“Nah,” he shrugs, smiling at the lady once again when the book is back in his hold, paid for and now in his ownership. His eyes are back at you when he offers you the explanation. “You said you liked this one, so I wanna try it. And you don’t know if the latest one is any good, so at least I’ve heard a good review on this one and don’t have to be afraid of buying a shitty book,” he snickers, making you roll your eyes at the tone of his voice, but still, there’s a little man in your brain screaming at the top of his lungs– screeching, even– at the action, the gears in your brain turning faster and faster as you let yourself indulge and overthink his words. He bought it because it’s your favorite– so he said– and in a split second of delusion, it doesn’t matter to you if it was just because he wanted to be sure the book is good, or if it was just him wanting to read your favorite book as a way of learning more about you.
“As if any of her books could be bad,” you mumble, moving slowly through the line. You’re the last ones waiting for the autograph, and while there’s still a lot of people in front of you, you can’t help but feel a little nervous at the promise of an interaction with the author.
“Well, you can never really know. Everyone has bad days.”
Snickering at his argument, you shake your head in disbelief and move a few steps forward again. You’ve taken a few photographs of the library while you were sitting and listening to the talk; a few of the author– to capture the nice memory– and some of the interior as well, showcasing the numerous shelves filled with books of different genres that the library provides. Still, you take the camera into your hands again, taking a few more– you were sure to get permission from the smiley and welcoming librarians when you arrived– trying to capture the atmosphere and the heartwarming aura of it all. A little selfishly, for your own memory, you turn to your companion and point the lens towards him, seeing as he poses with the book, acting a little silly when you take the picture, and when he breaks into an amused grin after, you take another one– a moment captured in time, his toothy laugh on full display. When you look at the picture again, your heart warms up a little at the image. Maybe you could get it printed out and add it to your memory book alongside the pictures you have from your first university parties and moving into the new apartment with Jimin– just so you have something to look back to.
Soon enough, you reach the front of the room, your bodies only a few steps away from the author. When the last guests in front of you leave, paying their goodbyes, you take a step forward with a little sigh, trying to encourage yourself and also calm down the erratic beating of your heart, ready to face the idol you’ve been looking up to since you were 11. With Renjun on your side, you put on your most picture-worthy smile, clammy hands offering the book to the writer when you reach the long table, choking on your words.
“Hello,” you greet, not really knowing what to say. You would be lying if you said you didn’t rehearse this in your brain seventy different times ever since you talked with Renjun about going to the library last week, trying to make up the perfect scenario and find the best words to use when you finally meet her, but in this very moment, the whole script flies through the window and you’re left silent and hesitant, heat rising to your cheeks when you can’t seem to find the right words to say.
“Hello,” you hear Renjun greet shortly after you, bumping into you a little with his hip when he stumbles to the table, seemingly more calm than you, trying to save the day, “my name’s Huang Renjun,” he says, and you want to kick him in his shin– because who even does that? Who tells their full name to a stranger, an author he’s never heard of before actually attending this meet and greet, acting as if he was an old friend of hers, meeting the famous writer after a long time? You almost thought he’d save you from the embarrassment and lead the way, from the way he approached her, but after hearing those words come out of his mouth, you almost go to scold him for his behavior.
To your surprise, though, the writer’s eyes widen in what seems to be realization, nodding to herself. “So you must be Y/N!” she says, looking back at you, a welcoming smile appearing on her lips.
“I- I-” you stutter, suddenly feeling really confused. Is this a dream? Are you asleep? Or is your favorite writer suddenly a psychic too? What are you missing?
“Yeah! She’s just a little nervous right now,” he grins, taking a short look at you before he turns back to the author, “so… I take it as you haven’t changed your mind about the interview?”
“Not at all! I’m actually really happy to hear that students are taking interest in my writing and that they want to interview me,” she says, quickly signing your books on the front pages, offering them back to you, “I usually don’t give interviews just to anyone– you know, it would get a little too busy if I did that– but your passion really caught my attention.It reminds me of myself when I was your age… Just give me a few seconds, I have a phone call to make right now, but after I’m done, I’m all yours!”
“Of course!” Renjun nods, watching as the author stands up from the table and disappears in one of the back rooms, seemingly to take care of the call. Turning back to you, still finding you dumbfounded from the interaction, he can’t help but let out an amused laugh. “Are you okay over there?”
“I- What-” you stutter, shaking your head as if to make your brain reboot, dragging your hand through your hair to get it out of your face, “how did you even manage to- she doesn’t even-” you fail to create coherent sentences, shock and surprise overshadowing your otherwise good choice of vocabulary, confusion spreading over your face like a shadow.
“I have my ways,” he shrugs nonchalantly, as if this was the easiest thing to accomplish, once again breaking into a grin when he sees your stoic face, “maybe try to smile a little? She might think you’re terrified of her if you keep frowning like that.”
“I am,” you mumble, still not quite comprehending the situation.
Rolling his eyes at you, he snickers. “Come on,” he says, “I bet you have plenty of questions for her up in that brain of yours,” he points to the middle of your forehead, shaking his head at your frozen figure.
“I do, but-” you mumble, catching yourself mid-sentence, “how did you even-” the words stream out your mouth, a puzzled expression not leaving your face.
“You can thank me later. Now focus on your job,” he says, turning you by your shoulders and pushing you a little towards the author that has now emerged out of the back room, a welcoming glint in her eye when her eyes land at the two aspiring journalists.
On that Monday afternoon, with sweaty palms and tongue-tied as you stutter out the curious questions, making an interview for your imaginary magazine, you learn that contrary to the popular demand, Huang Renjun is quite full of surprises.
The longer you know Renjun, the more you hang out without the purpose of working on your assignment together. Truth be told, you started working on it pretty early into the semester, and while others were now aimlessly pulling all nighters to complete the magazine, you and Renjun were pretty much done with it already by now, since you forced the man to start working on it as soon as it was possible. He didn’t say it out loud, but you can tell he was thankful for that– it would kill the both of you if you had to focus on the project now, when exam season is slowly, but surely in reach and you’ll have to start studying soon.
It was a little awkward at first– you still remember the first time you watched Netflix with him in the silence of his apartment, with his mood very apparently below zero– starting with the two of you taking breaks in between working on your assignment, talking about the latest episodes of the anime you two have, coincidentally, chosen to watch at the same time; later progressing into full on sessions of gossip with his roommate Donghyuck joining the two of you at the comfortable couch. You’d say your friendship started a little this way, with you and Renjun running to the convenience store when you ran out of snacks in the middle of your study sessions and the two of you randomly laughing at something in your Journalism class, earning yourself scolding looks from the professor. It was unexpected, but you grew familiar with the antics, flowing through the days together, filling the boring days with texts full of TikTok links and Donghyuck sending you random pictures of your project partner all zoomed in on Snapchat. You even invited Renjun over a few times, Jimin accepting the new man in the comfort of your home when she realized he’s not as bad as he used to be before, as you ate up all of your snacks this time around instead, having impromptu karaoke sessions in your room, trying to quiz each other on the lyrics of your top tracks of the last year on Spotify.
Everything felt casual, growing more in tune with the man he was, learning his antics and all about his character. You quickly learned that when he’s feeling down, he gets a little snappy– a bad habit you made him recognise and try to eliminate, at least when you’re around. You found out that when he’s nervous, he bites his nails, and you choose to slap his palms from the proximity of his lips whenever you catch him in the act. When he’s annoyed– much like when you prevent him from the action of gnawing at his fingernails until the skin around them bleeds– he rolls his eyes and sighs, sometimes even shakes his head at you in disapproval. He looks adorable while doing so, but to save both of you the embarrassment, you’d never tell him out loud.
And you’d even dare to say he learns about you too. He’s an observing individual, and you’d even argue that he cares about you at least a little. For one, he’s not rude towards you anymore, the way he was when you two first started talking, and also, he shows his affection towards you in the most Renjun ways possible. He’d argue that he’s not good with words, but he’s always there to affirm you with them in his true love language whenever you’re stressed or overwhelmed with responsibilities. He also remembers your favorite drinks and snacks, opting to save them for you whenever you come by his place, and even slipping some into your bag before you leave his apartment. He’s a caring individual, a big hearted man, delicate in all directions.
You believe it’s impossible not to fall for him at least a little. Not when you really know him– the way you do, from up close, in his most joyful moments and the ones where he tries to battle you away when the ghosts in his brain try to make him shelter himself away from everyone too.
But you wouldn’t tell him that. Never in a thousand years.
“I hate all this fucking snow,” you tell him instead, when you walk by his side with your groceries in hand, the tips of your fingers brittled from the cold. “Why is it even snowing in the first place, it’s the end of February, for fuck’s sake!”
The two of you decided to go for a grocery run together, and while some would say it’s not a fun activity to do, you think you like experiencing mundane things with your close ones the most. If you enjoy someone’s company, you truly do not care what you do together– you always go pick up packages from the post with Jimin, or drive your little sibling to the store when you’re back home, even though the action itself doesn’t provide you any conventionally ‘fun’ experiences, most of these are a fond memory in your brain, because you got to spend time with someone you love. It’s the same right now– even though it’s snowing heavily and you can’t feel your feet from the cold– you went to buy groceries with Renjun when he texted you about it, realizing you could buy some things you ran out of as well, opting to walk there together.
“I thought you liked winter?” he snickers, seeing your grumpy expression.
“Why would you think that?”
“Because you said you hated summer,” he says, matter of factly, making you giggle to mask the warmth spreading on your insides from the knowledge that he remembers the random fact you once told him when you were working on your project together.
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I like winter either,” you say, shrugging.
“Do you even like anything?”
“No,” you shake your head, totally serious before you burst into laughter, “kidding. I like spring,” you smile at him, eloquently, shuffling your legs along the snowed-in ground, moving closer to the campus, near to where you both live.
“I like spring too, actually.”
“Because your birthday’s in spring?” you snicker, teasing him.
“Maybe,” he admits, laughing with you. “No, but I think spring’s neat for a number of reasons. It always feels… like a new beginning, perhaps? After months of silence, you can finally hear the chirping of birds in the morning, and the sun sets later too, so the days feel longer…” he says, and you find yourself observing him, admiring the love he has for the season.
“Exactly,” you nod, pointing your gaze towards the ground when you notice that he caught you staring, embarrassment creeping up your back before you shudder from the cold, heavy snowflakes falling on top of your head, drenching your freshly washed locks and making your cheeks burn with cold. You can’t remember the last time it snowed so hard– you were in for a couple of warm winters for the last couple of years– and as much as you hate to admit it because of your noticeable aversion towards winter, you must say it looks quite magical.
“Look, I know you hate winter, but you do have windows in your flat, right?” he jokes, making you roll your eyes at the nagging you know you’re about to hear. “Maybe look out of them before you go out, so you could dress for the weather the next time.”
“Very funny,” you snicker, “I’ll let you know, it wasn’t snowing when I was getting ready.”
“Okay then, maybe start using the weather app. It’s great if you want to know how cold it really is outside, and you’re quite good with technology, so maybe you could-”
“Oh, fuck off,” you snap, but feel yourself grinning at the teasing.
The man lets out a sigh– a habit of frustration he does a lot whenever you’re around– before you feel him tugging something onto the top of your head, your ears suddenly shielded by soft fabric. Looking up at your companion in shock, you notice that the beanie that had been sitting on his head until now is covering yours instead; and although you appreciate the gesture with a giddy clench on your insides, you find yourself protesting.
“Jun! You’ll get cold,” you pout.
“Okay, but so will you, and as far as I’m concerned, I have more layers on than you right now, so you need it more than me,” he shrugs, all nonchalant, making you hesitantly smile at him and shut up, keeping the warm wool over your head.
Next time, you’ll look at the weather app to save your heart some trouble.
Or maybe you won’t.
Walking closer to your apartment complex, naturally accepting the fact that Renjun decided to walk you home– or just hasn’t realized he’s doing so yet– you fall into comfortable conversation, mostly consisting of you complaining and Renjun finding your tangent amusing.
“My groceries will get all wet! Fucking hell, Renjun…”
“I didn’t force you to come,” he laughs.
“Well, but you have the weather app, as opposed to me, so maybe you could’ve predicted the fact that it was going to snow soon,” you pout, shaking your head in disbelief.
“And if I did?”
“Then why’d you drag me out?” you huff, nearing the steps that lead up towards the front door of your building, being careful not to slip on them as you stand on the first one, towering above the man that takes his position opposite of you while you say your goodbyes.
“Okay, next time get your groceries alone, if you’re just gonna complain the whole way,” he giggles at your fake offendance, looking up at you from under his eyelashes. Snowflakes settle on the tops of his cheekbones, the rosy tint in his face taking your breath away, something in his eyes captivating you and hypnotizing you into doing things you would’ve never dared to do as you reach out towards his hair, now wet from the snow that manages to melt away on his body, brushing your hand through the locks.
“It’s gotten so long,” you muse, “the blonde’s all grown out now.”
He hums, the eye contact making you heat up despite the coldness that’s been trying to seep into your bones. “Maybe I should dye it back to black, then.”
Grinning, you shrug as your hand escapes his scalp. “Yeah,” you nod, “maybe you should.”
“It’s a plan, then,” he says before he grins, poking you in your forehead with his pointer finger as he takes a step back from you, heading towards the direction of his apartment. “I’ll text you,” he adds.
Paying your goodbyes to him, you stumble inside and reach your flat, your whole body on fire even though you’ve been freezing until now as you take off your wet shoes and tug the borrowed beanie from your head. Putting away the groceries, you wonder if there’s a significance in his decision, if the change of hair is the same as the reason why he loves spring; if new things are beginning, or if you’ve just tricked yourself into falling for him too hard.
“You have to mix it together with this first!” Renjun whines, sitting at the edge of the bathtub as he watches you open the box dye you bought together at the drugstore a few hours ago, pointing his finger at the white pack containing the mixing solution.
“Oh,” you mumble, clammy hands flying around and trying to read the instructions instead, too worried to mess up again and accidentally burn Renjun’s hair off. After a few moments of you silently turning the big sheet of paper around in all directions, you hear your companion snicker under his breath, standing up from his position at the edge of the bathtub and mixing the dye with the solution in a little plastic container he got from under the sink himself instead.
“Let me do it,” he shakes his head, “didn’t know you were this useless.”
“If you didn’t want me here, you could’ve just said so,” you put the instruction paper down, crossing your arms on your chest as you take a step back and look at him with an offended pout, watching as he gets everything ready. His hair is sticking all over the place and the shirt he has on is stained with bleach– you suspect he wore this exact outfit a few months ago when he dyed his hair blonde– the fabric hanging loosely down his shoulders.
“I’m perfectly capable of dying my hair on my own, if you didn’t notice,” he says, “me wanting you here is the sheer reason for your presence.”
Heart skipping a beat at the sentence, masking it off with a fakely annoyed sigh, you watch him take a seat back at the edge of the bathtub when he’s done, motioning for you to take matters into your hands and start dying his hair. “Don’t fuck it up.”
“I’ll do so just to spite you,” you argue back, taking the plastic container with the dye into your hand and standing close to Renjun, parting his hair down the middle as you get the chemical-smelling mixture into his growing locks. Focused on the task at hand, trying really hard not to get the dye all over the place, you almost get lost in the motion of playing with his hair and pay too much attention to each section, your touch gentle not to tug at his hair. It makes you not notice the way you’re suddenly standing in between Renjun’s opened legs, your skin covered by fabrics of sweatpants touching.
His head suddenly moves, making you almost dye his whole forehead black, when he plops a gummy worm into his mouth and regains his previous position.
“Stop moving or else it’s gonna look bad!” you scowl, frustrated with the fact that he made you lose your focus.
“Want a gummy worm?” he asks, looking up at you with an innocent smile instead– as if to make you forget all about his actions from before– and you reward him with an annoyed shake of your head that shows him disapproval which he seemingly chooses to ignore as he reaches into the pack of gummies again and holds one up to your lips, fingertips brushing against the skin of your mouth making you feel heat in your cheeks. You didn’t want a gummy worm, but with the proximity of his hand to your face and the starry gaze he offers you when you meet his eyes, you don’t hesitate to take the gummy into your mouth and chew on the candy, earning yourself a satisfied smile.
Turning towards his hair again, the last few strands left undyed waiting for your attention, the man suddenly squeezes your thigh, making you wince. “How is it going up there?”
“Good,” you choke out, suddenly hyper aware of his hand resting on the skin of your leg, as if to hold you in place, his other hand working almost on auto-pilot as he completes the symmetry and grazes your other thigh, his touch on you so gentle you could almost miss it if you didn’t pay enough attention.
“If it’s patchy, I’m blaming you and not the dye,” he teases, drumming against your leg with his fingers, each little gesture making you less and less focused on his hair and more on the way his eyelashes fan over his cheekbones from above, biting down hard on your lip to keep yourself from making any sound close to frustration or the sound of perhaps losing your mind.
“Well then, maybe you shouldn’t have bought the cheapest one.”
“I’m staying on budget,” he says, making you snicker.
Forcing yourself to focus back onto his hair, you finally complete your task of dying the man’s hair back to its original color. Taking a step back from him and putting the plastic container onto the sink, you start to miss the feeling of his hand on your skin; his hair slicked back by the dye makes him look oddly amusing, though, so you let a grin slip out at the sight of your companion sitting at the edge of the bathtub like a scolded child, his legs outstretched right in front of him and a pack of gummy worms once again firmly gripped in the palm of his hand.
After cleaning up the mess you’ve made on the bathroom sink, with Renjun singing to himself as he put up a timer on his phone for 20 minutes, you find yourself in his kitchen, walking around and finding a pot in which you could cook some ramen for dinner. It’s getting quite late and it’s rare that you find yourself alone in Renjun’s apartment with him, his roommate finally getting out after the dreaded exam season to celebrate, and you can’t help but find the domesticity of sharing his space with him– although this is not the first time– overtake you in a deep feeling of intimacy.
Stirring the noodles around with a fork you found in one of the drawers, listening to the low hums of Renjun singing in the bathroom as he cleans up the skin on his forehead and behind his ears with a wet cotton pad, you wonder how you managed to get used to this– how you even managed to find yourself in the presence of Huang Renjun so often, after only hearing about him from gossip around the school halls and hating his presence when you first had to work with him. It’s ironic, but you don’t hate it quite as much as you would think.
“You’re making ramen?” he asks as he finally reaches the kitchen, big eyes full of thankfulness meeting yours when he notices you getting out some plates to transfer the meal into, since you’re close to being done.
Humming in agreement, you see him lean on the kitchen counter from the corner of your eye, a satisfied smile reaching his lips. “I should invite you over more often.”
“I’m here like twice a week, Jun,” you mumble, focused on not spilling the meal all over the place.
“Well, if it means you’ll cook all the time, you can even move in, if you want to” he jokes, making you shake your head in disbelief as you take the plates and move them to the coffee table you are so used to sitting at by now, since the boys don’t really have a dining table in their apartment, making them (and sometimes you joining) eat all the meals at the coffee table, sitting on the ground.
“And where would I sleep? On the couch? No, thank you,” you shake your head, digging into the noodles and blowing on them to make them cool faster.
“I’ll kick Hyuck out, so you can have his room,” he mumbles in between bites, following you.
“So you just want me to be your maid, got it,” you nod.
“That’s not what I said,” he looks at you with offense, before digging into the noodles again, mumbling under his nose before taking a bite, “although you would look nice in a maid dress-”
Kicking him in the leg, seeing as he chokes up on the food from laughing, you shake your head in disbelief at his antics. You think it’s the hair dye getting to his brain, so when his timer goes off in a few minutes after you’re both done with the food, you thank god for bringing you out of your misery.
Listening to the sound of the shower as he washes the hair dye off, you take it upon yourself to clean up the dishes. You’d feel bad for leaving a mess in his kitchen, and you also think it’s a nice thing to do. It only takes a few minutes before he’s out of the bathroom again, hair damply sitting on his forehead, his figure twirling like a ballerina– reminding you of the way you did little fashion shows for your father whenever you came home from shopping with your mum– waiting for what you have to say about his new look, although in true reality, he looks just the same as a few months ago.
“Does it look good?”
“I can’t tell ‘cause it’s wet,” you say, squinting your eyes at the mess on his head, “go blow dry it.”
“Fuck no,” he shakes his head, protesting, “I hate blow drying my hair.”
“Why? I can’t tell if it’s patchy this way,” you say.
“My hands get tired and I get bored and I just really don’t enjoy the experience,” he simply states, and he wins– whether this was his intention or not– as you drag him back to the bathroom and get out of him where he keeps the blow dryer, plugging it in and moving to do it for him.
There it is again– that funny feeling in your stomach as you move your hands through his hair, brushing his bangs away from his forehead as you blow dry his locks. The feeling makes you weak in your knees as you look at the boy who now has his eyes closed, seemingly enjoying the motion of your fingers threading through his freshly dyed strands, and when you finally turn the device off and watch him open his eyes, looking at you half-lidded and seemingly a little tired, you once again notice his hands on your thighs as he sits at the bathtub, although now the touch is more firm, pulling you close to him.
“Are you happy now that your hair is black?” you find yourself asking, your eyes bearing into him as you reference the dialogue you two had when he dyed his hair blonde, when you two didn’t know each other well just yet and he told you the wishful secret of wanting to have more fun as a blonde since he was sad when his hair was black.
His smile looks a little drunk, despite the both of you being completely sober as he replies, acting as if he was getting tipsy off your proximity and gentle touch. “My hair’s black because I’m happy, not the other way around,” he mumbles, your eyes momentarily drifting to his pretty lips as he talks, their rosy plumpiness making it hard for you to unstuck your gaze from the curve of his smile and focus on other features of his face.
“Good,” you nod, your hands finding their place at his shoulders, almost going for a hug, but never really completing the action.
“So how do I look?” he asks again, your conversation growing quiet in the intimate atmosphere, voices not wanting to interrupt the calm, yet tense harbor.
Examining him, you find yourself once again attracted to the boy you see in front of you. He looks exactly like he did before his break-up– yet now, you’d argue and say he looks even better; healthier and more radiant, his features gentle, hair a little longer and his smile reminding you of an angel. Humming to yourself, you brush your hands through his black strands again, letting yourself indulge in your growing feelings for the man for just a second, before the moment is gone. “Really pretty,” you mumble, watching as his smile grows for a mere second before his eyes drift from yours down to your lips, making you forget how to breathe.
Your hands continue to get lost in his hair as you stare at each other for a while, silence in the bathroom making you listen in on each other’s breathing, before your brain fails you and you let yourself operate on auto-pilot, leaning down to his face, surprised to see him meet you in the middle. You kiss him as if you’ve been waiting ages to do so, your lips molding in with his in a perfect harmony, firm, yet still unmistakably gentle contact making you shiver.
It feels like a century before you pull away, ready to face the consequences of your actions, when he captures your lips in another kiss, drunk on the action. Feeling him standing up from the edge of the bathtub and moving his hands to firmly grip your waist before he walks you backwards against the tiled wall, the coldness of it mixing with the heat spreading across your body makes you gasp into the kiss and invite his tongue into your mouth.
Your hands fall from his hair and find their way around his neck, tugging him close, while one of his gentle palms rests on your jaw, angling your face in a way that lets him take control and have you even closer, two bodies seeking each other’s presence.
“Renjun…” you gasp when his lips move away from yours, leaving kisses down your jaw, slowly reaching the delicate skin of your neck and the conjunction of your shoulder.
He hums into your skin, a cold hand sneaking under the hem of your shirt making you wince, all of his actions making your senses hyper aware to the touch and feeling of his lips pressed against you, especially when he finds the sweet spot behind your ear and makes you squirm under him, the feeling of his smile against your skin turning you crazy.
Finding yourself tugging his face back to yours, taking back his lips, his hand travels up your side, leaving goosebumps all over your skin with the cold motions of his fingertips, you shiver under his caring, yet teasing touch. The kiss feels as if it’s one step away from heaven, letting out a satisfied sound when he softly brushes the underside of your breast.
Pressing him closer against you, leaving open-mouthed kisses down his neck, you feel him hard against your thigh, neediness overtaking you as you lightly move against him, hearing him choke out a breath. “Is- is this okay?” he asks, voice not louder than a whisper before you continue with your motions, answering with your actions before using your words, breathing growing quicker with the way the friction makes you feel.
“More than okay with me,” you mumble, seemingly encouraging him as he presses you firmer against the tiled wall, helping you guide your desperate movements. Foreheads pressed against each other, breathing mixing in the silent room, you can’t seem to find it in you to stop, completely losing yourself in him and in the way he makes you feel, selfishly chasing down release from all the butterflies and electric stares he’s been sending your way.
Grunting when you press up against him in a way that sends sparks down his spine, his hand reaches up under your thigh, almost on the skin of your butt, holding up your leg to make more room and get you even closer to him, before he heaves out a sigh. “Let’s go to my room?” he asks hastily before you nod and let him plop you up against his figure with your legs entangled around his middle, escaping the cold tiles of the bathroom and walking over to the his room smelling of fresh laundry detergent and vanilla, soft sheets enveloping your body when he lightly drops you into his mattress.
A giggle escapes your lips at the contact of your body with the bed, earning yourself a playful roll of Renjun’s eyes as he leans over you, plopping himself up on one elbow above you, caging you in his embrace. Maintaining eye contact with him, blissful smiles stretching on your lips, you almost think the moment is over, but he quickly brings you back to the neediness you felt before as he leans in again, kissing you painfully slowly while his hand reaches under the hem of your shirt, letting his palm travel against your body. His actions make you shiver as his fingertips softly tickle your side, moving towards the dip of your waist, then back up across your stomach as he traces mindless shapes against your skin, occasionally letting himself travel up towards the fabric of your bra. Cupping one of your breasts into his hand, you let out a soft grunt when he squeezes the flesh softly enough to make you yearn for more.
Mirroring his actions, your hand moves under his loose shirt, hypnotized by the heat of his flesh. Enveloped in his warmth and the smell of him in his bedsheets, you let yourself roam up his abdomen, embracing the way his muscles jolt a little under your touch, before your hand settles onto his back, fingertips dancing up and down his spine.
“You’re driving me crazy,” he mumbles, making you break into a blissful smile, before his hand lazily dips down your belly, seeking approval in your eyes, “can I?”
Nodding, afraid of seeming a little too eager– although maybe he would welcome that with open arms– you feel his fingertips messily dragging down the waistband of your sweatpants a little by little, leaving you in front of him only in your underwear, his lips swallowing your sighs when he hesitantly brushes his thumb against your clit.
His movements get more confident as he adds more pressure, making you let out a few more muffled sounds he welcomes with a cocky smile, demeanor shifting as he presses a wet kiss against your cheek when he drags your underwear down and gets back to where he was before, but now acting more gently– as if the contact of your bare core with his fingers made him afraid you’re gonna break in his hold. Softly nudging your thighs, opening up your legs and softly tracing his pointer finger down your slit, he makes your cheeks flush from the contact and the feeling of air against your naked bottom half.
He doesn’t say much as he tests the waters, dragging his digits along your folds, examining your reaction when he circles your sensitive bud and sees you crumble under his touch. Your hands grip his pearl white sheets, not really knowing what to do to ground yourself back to reality, the man above you finally finding enough courage in him to insert one finger, then two inside of you, watching you react to his actions.
“Feels good,” escapes your lips, and truthfully, you didn’t even catch yourself saying it. It left your mouth on itself, your tone a little fragile but full of eagerness, wanting more– and seemingly understanding, he moves inside you with more reason now, hitting the right spot that makes your eyebrows crease and your breathing hitch in your throat.
“There?” he asks, as if to tease you. In any other circumstance, you’d find it in you to bark back something full of sarcasm and irony, but now, vulnerable and sensitive to his every move, you only nod eagerly and meet his eyes which are now clouded with lust, a view you’ve never experienced before, but welcome with undeniable curiosity.
Angling his fingers inside of you just the way you need them, you quickly feel yourself reaching your high, one of your hands flying to his forearm as if to let him know or warn him, somehow. Judging by his actions, he got the memo– showing his experience when he continues with the same speed and pressure, keeping still– before he slowly trips you over the edge, having you clenching around his fingers as you let moans slip out from your lips, euphoria taking over your whole body.
His figure leans into you, holding you close as your breathing comes back to normal, his lips press soft kisses to your temple. It’s almost a hint that the act is over, his actions growing more tender as opposed to the way he had you just a few moments prior, but you find yourself not wanting it to end, tugging his shirt up and earning yourself a questioning look.
“More?” you mumble, looking at him, grabby hands helping him take his shirt off. Your please sound almost like a question– they may as well be, for you don’t know if he wants this too– but he reacts to you positively when you have your eyes roaming across his bare torso, hands flying towards your own shirt, taking it off before you chastly press against him, both of you sitting at his bed, meeting him in a kiss as you settle yourself into his lap.
In this moment, there’s nothing but him. Your head spins with his essence, your brain painfully aware of everything; of your hands holding his cheeks when you tug at his bottom lip with your teeth, chasing after his neck in a desperate need of leaving a mark, wanting evidence of you being there the next morning, so you could remind yourself that this wasn’t just a dream or a product of your own imagination. When you press down against his lap, dragging your naked core against his hard on, his hands grip your sides, sneaky fingers trailing up after a moment as he tugs the straps of your bra down before slipping it off completely, leaving you naked in front of him.
Lifting you by your hips and moving you back against his pillow, laying you into his sheets, he lets you drag his sweatpants down, your fingers dipping below the waistband of his boxers and gently dragging along the sensitive skin, feeling needier at the sounds of satisfaction escaping his lips. Bringing him closer with your other hand, he takes a moment to confirm with you one last time.
“Are you sure you… want this?” he doesn’t seem to find the right words, leaving you softly laughing at his puzzled expression.
“I am,” you nod, assuring him, “I- I want you,” you mumble, still loud and clear, and he wastes no time in freeing himself of his underwear and aligning himself with your entrance.
He slowly pushes inside of you, his whole length filling you up. He leaves you some time to adjust, checking in with you with a look to your eyes, fingertips gently dragging your hair out of your face before you confirm with him that you’re okay with a soft nod, making him move and gently thrust inside of you; painfully slow at first, but reaching deep, taking in every inch of you. Pleasure builds inside of you as his thrusts become more quicker, finding a rhythm that makes your toes curl and your hands fly to his back, scratching down along his skin when he hits your spot and your eyes shut in a spell of satisfied sighs.
“You’re so beautiful like this,” he mumbles, pressing a kiss against your lips, a sentence sweet enough to make your cheeks flush under him– yet you think the heat you feel is more than shyness from his words, but from the contact of his skin on yours, driving you absolutely crazy.
His finger gently plays with your clit, slowly, but surely tipping you over the edge. You hold back a moan, head falling to your side on his pillow, Renjun’s lips pressing kisses into the now exposed areas of your neck, still going at a steady rhythm.
“Fuck,” you let out when he picks up at speed, the imaginary glass of pleasure in you getting fuller and fuller, making afraid of it spilling out when he keeps going, your hand flying into his hair, tugging at it in a desperate attempt to ground yourself, “I’m close.”
He hums against your neck, softly biting a bruise into your flesh. He doesn’t say much, again– his loving is quiet, only occasionally letting out needy noises out past his lips here and there, grunts slipping out when you feel just right around him. You find it hard to keep up with the silence, blissful sounds escaping you when he takes you over the edge. Your walls clench around him as he’s still thrusting into you, chasing down his climax and making the most out of yours. You swear you can see stars, the tips of your fingers starting to tingle when you get a little too overstimulated, but before you can do anything about it, he slips out of you and warmth spreads on your stomach, his body crashing next to yours.
He doesn’t say much after either. The room falls into silence, your bodies heaving with deep breaths as you try to calm down the erratic beating of your hearts. Mindlessly threading your fingers through his hair, you stare at the ceiling, his arms draped over your middle, occasionally playing with the flesh of your hip, squeezing it with his palm and dragging his fingertips across the soft skin. Looking down at him, not seeing much other than the raven locks falling into his forehead and his closed eyes, you try hard to appreciate the closeness of his body, just in case you don’t get to experience it ever again.
Feeling his nose nuzzling into your skin, you wonder if he’s happy.
Dark, wallowing pit opens up in your stomach, the harrowing feeling you didn’t know you could recognise fills you up to your rim; your vision goes a little blurry at the sight in front of you and after a few seconds of torturing yourself by watching, you feel the bitter taste of blood on your tongue from gnawing at the gentle skin of your bottom lip too hard. That alone wakes you up from the weird transe you’ve been put in, making you turn on your heel and chime outside of the building, the iced americano in your hand thrown in the nearest trash can as you take the short way home, suddenly wanting to hide away from everyone and everything, too fragile to deal with the outer world today.
You open up the door to your apartment with a little struggle, your hand shaking not making it easy for you to put the key inside the keyhole, and when you finally get to the comfort of your little place, you’re met with Jimin’s concerned eyes waiting for you in the hall, her figure hesitantly walking over when she heard you struggle with the door.
Closing the door behind you a little too loudly, careless in your actions from how hard your heart is hammering against your ribcage, your roommate approaches you with gentle words. “What happened? Weren’t you meeting up with–”
“No,” you shake your head, cutting off her sentence before his name manages to come out of her mouth, your throat closing as you choke out the response; the soft gaze she offers you at the stern words of disapproval makes your eyes water even though you already promised yourself you wouldn’t cry over this.
“Oh, sweetie,” Jimin mumbles as her long legs make their way towards your shrunken figure, enveloping you in her arms. You let yourself be comforted, almost yearning for the slow strokes she gives your back, her long fingers threading through your hair. There aren’t many instances where you two had to hold each other in the entrance hall, too afraid of letting go before one of you breaks. You remember her breaking up with her boyfriend Jaehyun– they dated for a couple of months last year before he had to move away and a long distance relationship wasn’t something either of them was willing to put each other through– but that time, it was in the comfort of her bedroom and you watched the first season of Too hot to handle together after it was done to take her mind off things. You, however, don’t have much dating experience. Not a significant one anyway– you only dated in high school, and even though the boy you crowned your first in many things was sweet, you simply fell out of love with him after a few months and called it quits, with no tears shed and no hearts broken.
“I think I was just a rebound,” you get out in between your quiet sobs, the image of Renjun sitting at the cafeteria with Yunjin, his soft gaze offered to her as she leaned over the table and said something quietly to him before pressing a kiss to his cheek only further proving your claims.
And you guess you were the stupid one– you guess you were silly for thinking he was over his ex already, even if it’s been a couple of months since they broke up, even if he told you he didn’t miss her, but was sad to let go what they had– because the sweetness in his eyes when he looked at her hurt you more than you could’ve ever imagined, because you think you remember him looking at you like that the evening you dyed his hair black; you remember him looking at you like you hung up the stars on the sky, and you believed the gentle gaze– you believed there was something more than sex to it, you believed he felt the same feelings as the ones you’ve been harboring for the boy ever since you first hanged out at his place and watched Netflix with him to take his mind off the said girl.
Jimin doesn’t ask any questions– she knows you’ll tell her eventually, you just need comfort right now. Sniffling as you try to come down from the heartbreak you’ve caused yourself, you groggily get out a sentence that hurts to say out loud perhaps the most from the feelings freely roaming around your brain. “I don’t think it meant anything to him– I– I don’t think I meant anything to him.”
As if to torture yourself even more, the images of you two getting closer over the time flash through your brain– and you wonder if you were just lying to yourself the whole time. If his words weren’t what he made them out to be, if his gentle nature that overtook him when you were around was just him treating you as one of his friends. If he hooked up with you only because he was horny, and not because he cared for you enough to want to explore you further, deeper– if you were the only one in it for something more, if he was just keeping himself busy while trying to get over his ex.
And much like that time at the party, where he held you close and spent the whole night pretty much glued to your side, right in front of everyone’s eyes, you wonder if you just fulfilled your purpose in his life.
“Shh,” the girl shushes you out of your self-destructive thoughts, still not getting any context on what happened, but being there for you anyway, “let’s just watch something, okay? We have the whole day off to ourselves, let’s watch this new anime I’ve been eyeing, what do you say?” she mumbles, seeing as you tiredly nod and she affectionately squishes your cheeks together, leading you towards the living room.
If you weren’t so numb right now, you’d even giggle. Jimin doesn’t watch anime– the amount of reality TV she watches is quite concerning sometimes– and her effort to aimlessly search through the internet for the first episode of an anime she randomly saw on Tiktok one day and thought would suit your watching style both amuses you and makes your heart warm just a little. Indulging in TV series is one of the only coping mechanisms either of you can ever come up with, it seems.
When the opening credits roll, you hear your phone’s notification sound pop up, your hand reaching for the device. You don’t even get an opportunity to look at who is texting you before your roommate snatches the phone out of your hand, swipes across the screen and turns it off with one swift motion, forcing you to focus on the animation going on the TV.
Sometimes, all you need is your caring roommate to take over everything. Today, more than ever, you’re more than willing to give yourself into her hands.
After that, you do what you think anyone in your situation would (or wouldn’t do, to be precise). You don’t text Huang Renjun random things throughout the day like you used to– you no longer laugh at weird memes he finds funny with him and you no longer read his texts that are full of random complaining, mostly about his roommate Donghyuck, throughout the day. You don’t meet him to work on the project together. It’s almost done and you still have time– you are planning on just finishing it by yourself and turning it in on the day it’s due, with no contact with the male. You also don’t call him when you’re walking home alone in the late hours of the evening, scared and yearning to find comfort in his saccharine words. You don’t even look at his messages– he sent you multiple– only letting yourself to check the contact name before you swipe the notification away without giving it much thought, making yourself ignore all of his calls the moment you hear your ringtone go off. Worst of all, you don’t even attend class anymore. You’re glad for the past you that managed to attend every single class, because now, you have more than enough absences to use up before the semester ends and you go on spring break.
You do everything in your power to erase him out of your life. It takes an admirable amount of self-control, you must admit.
And sometimes, it even feels silly. It feels stupid to react so much to seeing him with his ex girlfriend, because frankly, you two weren’t dating. No amount of touches, gentle words, hang-outs after the sun sets and intimacy means that you are a couple; it didn’t matter that you opened up to him so much when neither of you confirmed to this being inclusive. The day before you dyed his hair back, you two were just good friends, after all. Sex didn’t change anything– even though you thought it would.
And maybe that’s what’s making you feel even more angstier about the whole thing. You gave him every last ounce of yourself you had, every inch of your body, from the inside out– so now, you feel thrown away, as if you were useless.
The cold nights slowly turn into warmer evenings, birds chirping outside waking you up in the mornings even more reminding you of the man you lost somewhere along the way. Spring was the favorite season of you both, but somewhere deep inside of you, you’re starting to dread it. Maybe it’s the fact that you were yearning for a new beginning for yourself in spring; for something to be born seemingly out of nothing– but it seems like you are supposed to bloom by yourself now, and you’re finding it harder than ever.
It’s the beginning of the second week of March. Warm sunlight makes your feet spring up from your bed in the early morning, forcing you to take a walk. You’ve gotten used to going on these, as many call it, ‘mental health walks’ lately– you read on the internet that they help your mood, and even though it’s a slow progress, you’re willing to try anything, at this point.
You chose a fixed destination you walk to every other day. It’s on the opposite side of the campus– where the Science buildings are– and you would be lying to yourself and everyone if you said you didn’t carefully craft the journey so you wouldn’t get in contact with the man you’ve been trying to avoid for the last two and a half weeks. It’s far away from your apartment, and even further away from his. There’s no reason for him to visit those parts of the campus, and you find comfort in the fact.
Finding a bench under a cherry blossom tree– it’s slowly starting to wilt these days– you sit in silence for a while on some days, and on others, you put in your earphones and watch the world around you go by without you moving a single finger, trying to find comfort in the fact.
Listening to the playlist you made in the crack of dawn last night– Renjun always made fun of you for the fact that you once listed ‘making Spotify playlists’ as your hobby– you fall deep inside of your thoughts. When this happens, it’s hard to control your mind and think of something positive. The only thing left for you to do is to hope and pray you don’t spiral.
Why did it even matter so much to you anyway? It was just a kiss to his cheek. It’s not like you caught them in the act…
However, still, the image of them looking so comfortable together broke your heart; because somewhere along the way, you thought he’d always feel resentment towards the girl. She broke his trust, she made him feel worthless, and it was left for you to take all those broken pieces of him and glue them back together. You didn’t realize it back then, but just the fact that you didn’t give up on him back when he was being difficult was enough for the boy to feel at least a little better again. Your nagging, yet silent acts of meeting him somewhere in the middle, even on his worst days, was a source of comfort for him. And after a while, you started noticing that– you started noticing him warming up to you every time you met, you started noticing his gratitude towards you in the little acts of service he brought with himself when he bought you snacks or texted you if you came home safely after your meetings.
You guess that seeing Yunjin talking so freely with him, seeing her kiss his cheek with such tenderness, made you feel so deeply, easily replaceable in his life. You guess you always feel like that with everyone anyway. It’s a bad habit you find hard to break– maybe you too, just need someone to be patient with you while you heal.
“What are you listening to?” you hear a voice, tone close to honey, ask from the place next to you. It makes you jump in terror, both from recognising it so easily and from not expecting him to find you here, so far away from everything, as you look at him with surprised eyes.
You don’t know what it is that keeps you silent. Perhaps it’s surprise. Perhaps it’s pettiness. Perhaps it’s shame.
The feeling makes you stiff in silence, everything in you refusing to respond to his sudden casualty. “Okay, I’ll just stalk your listening activity on Spotify when I come home again, then,” he shrugs, his uninhibited demeanor making you boil inside. You feel like your insides are on fire, you feel like the whole world came crashing down on you because of mere seconds of seeing him with someone that he once held so dear to his heart, making you feel replaced and forgotten, and yet, he comes to you so easily and doesn’t even acknowledge your hurt?
“What are you doing here?” you ask, voice soulless as you turn your music off and put your tangled earphones into your jacket pocket, finally choosing to recognise his presence.
“Talking to you,” he shrugs, “I… brought you coffee,” he smiles, showing you the Starbucks take-out cardboard holding two drinks together, one iced americano and one caramel latte, the sight making your heart warm up quite dangerously at the thought that after all this time, he got your coffee order down, he noticed you sweetening your drinks, and he remembered.
Chewing on the inside of your cheek, you scoff. “How did you know I’d be here?”
The man shrugs. “I didn’t, at first. I… I came to your apartment to talk to you, but Jimin said you weren’t home, so after a few minutes of begging her to tell me where I could find you, she gave up and sent me here.”
You guess you’ll have to have a serious talk with your roommate when you come home.
“Why… why are you here, then?” you ask, still feeling the bitter pettines on your tongue when the words escape your mouth.
“Well,” he starts, taking a deep breath in, collecting his thoughts, “at first I thought I’d give you space. I thought you didn’t want to talk with anyone and you kept ignoring my texts and calls, so I texted Jimin to ask if you were okay, and when she told me you were doing fine, I figured it had to do something with me. And then– and then I thought I’d give you some space, since you looked like you needed some, but… but I think I need to face the problem now, since it’s clearly… something big, you know…”
It’s undeniable that Huang Renjun is quite the smart individual. His ability to instantly sense your emotions and decipher the meaning behind them never fails to catch you off guard, though.
Looking at him from the corner of your eye, you suddenly notice the nerves he tried to mask by fake casualty. He keeps chewing on his bottom lip and he’s picking at his cuticles so hard you think they’ll bleed at any minute, his frame small and hesitant as he turns away from you, afraid to meet your eyes. He looks so, so guilty, and you suddenly feel stupid for making such a big deal out of something that shouldn’t have mattered to you in the first place.
“What… What did I do to hurt you?” he asks, voice barely louder than a whisper. “Because you must be hurt, if you’re avoiding me this much.”
Taking a deep breath in, you shake your head at the whole situation. He’s right, though– perhaps it’s time to finally face your problems now, so you can move on. Maybe this closure is what you need, maybe you need to hear it from him– to hear that it didn’t mean anything to him, to hear that Yunjin apologized and he’s gonna get back together with her, because somehow, your brain convinced you this was the case– to finally let him go and stop mourning something that was never there in the first place. “I–”
Your words fail you.
“Do you… regret it?” he asks, voice so small you almost don’t hear him.
The sentence takes you off guard. Looking at him, you can’t even bring yourself to speak, confused eyes roaming over his tense features. Opening up your mouth to ask for clarification, he mumbles again before you get a chance to speak. “Do you regret sleeping with me?”
Blinking at him a few times, a crease appearing in between your eyebrows, you shake your head. Is this really what was running through his brain? Is this why he left you alone for more than two weeks? Because suddenly, it makes sense– the way he gave you space and let you avoid him for two weeks before he came to find you in person– but again, this is not at all what was running through your brain all these days. Never once did you regret what you two did, no matter how shitty you’re feeling about it now after your brain convinced you of things that weren’t even real in the first place. “No,” you simply say.
A hint of relief washes over his face, his shoulders relaxing just the tiniest bit– it looks like this was what he’s been scared of the most; it looks like he feared he hurt you in this way. Still, he insists on talking it out once and for all. “What is it, then?”
Shameful to meet his eyes, you point your gaze towards your feet. Convincing yourself that your feelings are valid and that you were right to feel the way you do, the same way you did to him all those weeks ago at the stairs in front of the university building, you confess to your worries. “I saw you with Yunjin the other day.”
Now it’s his time to stay silent, and somehow, your brain can’t find a way to deal with not getting a response from him, so you ramble to cope. “At the cafeteria, I mean. I– I wanted to surprise you, and you said you were getting lunch alone and I was at the campus, so I thought I’d come to keep you company, but then… then I saw you with her, and you two seemed so comfortable together, so close, and then she kissed your cheek and it made me… it made me feel like… like you maybe wanted to get back together with her, or something…?”
“And really, it’s fine, if you want to do that, I guess I just… for the sake of both of us, or maybe just me, I think… I think it’s better for me to keep my distance from you, then.”
Watching as his expression shifts to one full of disbelief, you swear that what you want the most in this moment is to disappear. “Is this why you’ve been avoiding me those past two weeks?” he asks.
Pressing your lips into a thin line, suddenly feeling insanely silly and unreasonable when you say all of those things out loud, you avert your gaze from him, pointing it somewhere into the distance.
“Is this really it?” he asks again, insisting, full of disbelief. “You made me feel like you regretted having sex with me, and this is it?” he chuckles, and you don’t know if it’s because he’s looking down on you, or if he just truly finds the situation funny.
“Look, I–”
“Fuck, Y/N,” he gets out, looking as if every nerve and stress in his body finally let go, relief washing over his face like waterfalls, “I was so scared, and this is what’s been bugging you?” he asks, shaking his head in disbelief as he runs his hands through his hair. “She came to apologize to me. Not that it mattered something to me, and not that it made any difference, but I didn’t have it in me to tell her to fuck herself, you know? That’s what you saw. She told me she wishes me well and that she hopes I find joy in someone else too. She didn’t even– she didn’t even sit with me at lunch. She went to eat with her boyfriend.”
And here it is– the inevitable notion of shame intensifies. Finally having the explanation you’ve been wanting to hear, but purposefully avoiding for two weeks; finally feeling relief in your chest, your worries escaping out like the summer wind, and even though you should be happy, you can’t even bring yourself to meet his gaze.
“I’m sorry,” you mumble.
“No, I mean– it’s just… I’m sorry too, it’s just…” he trails off, making you look at him with examining eyes, eyebrows raised in question. You don’t really know what he’s apologizing for. Maybe for leaving you space even though he was convinced that’s what you needed– had he approached you earlier, you wouldn’t have to avoid him for two weeks.
“It’s just…?”
“I find it ironic how you thought I wanted to get back together with her, when in reality… you were the one I wanted to get together with in the first place, you know?” he asks, and if you squint hard enough, you could still see hints of nervousness in his body when he asks the rhetorical question, soft eyes scanning your face when your eyes meet.
“Oh,” you hum, mouth agape in surprise.
“Yeah,” he nods, lips pressed into a thin line, “cause I like you… like, a lot, actually, so…” he mumbles, the confession reminding you of your first weeks with Renjun– tense and awkward, but with a promise of something new the more you got to know him.
“Oh,” you repeat again, your brain still not catching up to the situation.
Suddenly, the two weeks of avoidance feel even more silly. You don’t know what happened in you to cause this much distress for the both of you, but you’re filled with delight with the fact that even though you expected him to get mad at you– to call you unreasonable, maybe even a little stupid– he seems to be understanding of your emotions. He seems to accept them, willing to put up with them and everything that requires of him; he seems to be willing to find you even at the end of the world and try to get you back into his life. Because only god knows how much he appreciates your presence in it.
“So…” he mumbles, a silent question hanging in the air, making you realize you were too caught up in your thoughts to really give him an answer.
“I… I like you too, if that… wasn’t obvious,” you snicker, shrugging as a wide smile spreads across your cheeks. The words fall a little bashfully off your tongue, the confession ringing strangely in your ears, but you don’t mind the little uncomfort the shyness in your demeanor brings you.
There are no long confessions, no deep words of love. Once again, Huang Renjun is a man of few words– he shows you his care through actions.
He finds you when you’re avoiding him. He makes sure you get home safe. He tries hard to work with you on a project he originally wanted to avoid, only because he notices you finding interest in it, your passion slowly sparking up his.
He keeps annoying the publicist of your favorite author for a week straight to let you make an interview with her, even though he got declined twice over an email with messages filled with bitter and annoyed words. He remembers your coffee order and he invites you to hang out with his friends to show you that you are now a part of his circle, that you are one of his close ones. He lets you make fun of him with your roommate, but doesn’t give you the same treatment he gives Donghyuck when he tries to bully him. He sends you all the cat pictures he gets from his friend Taeyong, sometimes even asking for some when he hasn’t sent you ones in too long, and he also thinks of you any time he sees the snow– because he gets reminded of the walk you two had in the midst of the snowflakes, even though you hate the cold.
He reads your favorite book and finds pieces of you scattered all across the pages, he feels his love for you in the poetic words and metaphors hidden in the plot. He lets you dye his hair to signify that a part of his life is now over and a new one started– with you being the main actor of the subtle metamorphosis as he slowly shifts back into his old self, yet now a little wiser.
He is a man of few words, affection coating them only sometimes, when he reassures you over a mug of hot tea in the evenings before you present your assignments in class and when you get too scared of crowded places; but somehow, the words he keeps to himself translate to you despite not being spoken.
In the beams of the warm sun, you gravitate to him like you’re two planets in the solar system, always sharing the same space. And when his smile meets yours in another kiss, you think that after all, you get the kind of new beginning you wanted in spring.
You and Huang Renjun may be the prime example that love, just like cherry blossoms, always blooms in patience.
#nct#nct dream#renjun#nct x reader#nct dream x reader#renjun x reader#renjun fluff#renjun angst#renjun smut#renjun fic#renjun scenario#nct dream fluff#nct dream angst#nct fluff#nct angst#nct smut#nct dream smut#huang renjun#renjun drabble#renjun fanfic
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colour me in | jjk (m) | masterlist
Jungkook's door only opens for you when there's a barter: a trade of lust and haze. But today you knock for something more, as intriguing as it is frightening – and you hope it doesn't close his door forever.
➳ pairing: Jungkook x reader
➳ genre: fwb, fake dating, college!au; fluff, angst, smut
➳ contents & warnings: artist/fuckboy!JK, annoying parents, endearing friends, lots of smut and fluff, misunderstandings; and more chapter specific warnings! | 18+
➳ current word count: 339.8k
➳ status: ongoing
➳ cmi’s mood: still with you and my you by Jungkook | collaborative playlist 🎶
⁂ CHAPTERS
✩ indicates parts relevant to the story | ❀ indicates fillers/drabbles (can be read as stand alones)
PART I: THE SEEDS
⤞ colour me in (9.8k) ✩ | lowkey by niki
"I need you to be my boyfriend. Please.”
“Your what now?”
⤞ cmi: outlines (10.6k) ✩ | slow down by chase atlantic
“If I’m somewhat okay to you, angel... may I kiss you then?”
⤞ cmi: layers (18.4k) ✩ | stay (acoustic) by zedd & alessia cara
“I just want you to know that if I ever put you on a pedestal, it wouldn’t be because of any amount of money you own.”
⤞ cmi: too much (7.2k) ❀ | heavenly by cigarettes after sex
“I think if you wanted to… or tried hard enough, you could break my heart.”
“...How?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think I wanna find out.”
⤞ cmi: lights (25.2k) ✩ | ruin my life by zara larsson
“You just called me to tell me about the burn?”
“Yeah. But I think... also to tell you that I miss you.”
⤞ cmi: the canvas (22.8k) ✩ | with love by christina grimmie
“You’re coloured in now for real, aren’t you?”
“Feels more like you’re colouring me in.”
⤞ cmi: not enough (4k) ❀ | this is how you fall in love by jeremy zucker & chelsea cutler
“Those New Year’s Eve parties bore me more than you’d know.”
“Why did you come then?”
“'Cause... I guess I knew you’d be here.”
PART II: THE GROWING
⤞ cmi: silhouettes (23.7k) ✩ | rumors by sabrina claudio & zayn / kiss me by ed sheeran
“We've played our parts in this fake thing. But I’m still here, with you. Why?”
⤞ cmi: undying roses (3.3k) ❀ | i can’t fall in love without you by zara larsson
“...You remembered?”
“How could I not?”
⤞ cmi: monochrome (21.6k) ✩ | reflections by the neighbourhood
“You didn’t look at me even once, I–”
“Because if I do… I’ll break.”
⤞ cmi: letters from the heart (17k) ✩ | jk pov | angels like you by miley cyrus
“And even with Nara, you didn’t behave like this.”
“Like what?”
“Like… Like you want to go back to how it was.”
⤞ cmi: unhindered (12.2k) ❀ | love on the brain by rihanna
“You came because you want me, and that’s driving you crazy.”
⤞ cmi: blurred (31.7k) ✩ | the only exception by paramore
“I hate that I’ve grown to crave you.”
⤞ cmi: blue (30.4k) ✩ | only love (acoustic) by pvris
“It’s easy to lose someone when you open up. It fucking scares me — and it’s never scared me as much as with you.”
⤞ cmi: seven (25k) ❀ | seven by jungkook
“I mean it. Just… If you must know? I would’ve been okay with handing you all the control, okay? All of it.”
⤞ cmi: redraft (25.3k) ✩ | i need u by yaeow
“You’re… kind of ridiculously amazing. You’re someone who gives all those people hope who don’t believe in humanity anymore. And I admire you in every way.”
PART III: THE BLOSSOMING
⤞ cmi: translucent (35.8) ✩ | say you won’t let go by james arthur
“I’m not good with words, baby. And I don’t know how to ever properly verbalise something like this.”
⤞ cmi: blooming (15.6k) ✩ | daylight by taylor swift
“You excite me all the time.”
⤞ cmi: palette (??) ✩ | ?? | next!
??
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.
.
and more!
⁂ BONUS
⤞ ask my character; colour me in edition
⤞ cmi theories 💭 | cmi drabble ideas 🖌 | cmi memes 😁
⤞ character sheet 🧑🏻
⤞ cmi timeline (spoilers ahead!!) 🕰
⤞ cmi couple’s dream apartment, art by yaila 🤍
⤞ cmi moodboard, made by ivi 🤍
⤞ cmi audio commentary | commentary post 🎙
⤞ requested drabbles:
frat party; nara & jungkook
jealousy; jungkook x reader (ft. taehyung)
day out; jungkook x reader
jealousy #2 (read cmi5/the canvas first!); jungkook x reader
perilla leaf/jealousy #3; jungkook x reader
⤞ FAQ:
When do you update?
Randomly! Usually on Fridays around 8PM EST, but I don’t have a schedule for CMI. Whenever a part is done!
How many chapters will CMI have?
I haven’t planned out every part yet, so I can’t say for sure. Definitely more than 10, though.
What inspired you to write CMI?
Menacing pictures and my lovesick brain 🥲.
What role does Nara play?
Jungkook talks about her in the fourth chapter, Lights. More to come later!
What do ‘part I’, ‘part II’ etc. in the masterpost mean?
I explained (or tried to explain :D) it here, but the tl;dr version is that the story is divided into 3 arcs. One arc focuses on one main aspect of their relationship (e.g. arc 1 is the beginning; them getting closer).
✒︎ join the taglist! ♡
© 2022–24 taegularities. all rights reserved. Reposting and/or translating is not allowed, even if you credit the story properly.
#jungkook smut#jungkook fluff#jungkook angst#bts smut#bts fluff#bts angst#jeongguk smut#jungkook x reader#jungkook x you#bts x reader#bts x you#bts imagines#jungkook scenario#jeon jungkook smut#jeongguk fluff#jungkook#jungkook series#jungkook fic#jungkook imagines#jungkook fanfic
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✦ — BUT DARLING, YOU ARE THE ONLY EXCEPTION.
✦ CHARACTER/S︰ijekiel alpheus & lucas from wmmap (who made me a princess).
✦ SYNOPSIS︰love can bloom and burn in any heart at the first sunlit-brindled brief—whether it be bounded by duty, ice, or disbelief; as long as that epitome of affection is you, they suppose they can make an exception and make some space—or in which they fall in-love with you first glance and sight.
✦ CONTENT WARNING/S︰nothing other than one swear word (fuck), & the general fluff and infatuation (from the character/s) + everything is proofread with the wc 200 - 300 each.
✦ A/N︰making my debut as a manhwa writer on main is not the ideal move but idk where to post it okay (side eyes the 2367838 sideblogs under this one/silly (also the title is inspired by "the only exception" by paramore <3 it's bleeping awesome go and give it a listen!!))
IJEKIEL IS NOT ONE TO FALL IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT, to have his world still for a few seconds while his heart overrides and blood races to the forefront of his cheeks—but dear heavens, were you the only exception to that rule bound by duty and a planned future in his chest. you surely weren’t the epitome of grace or as enchanting as the gods, but to him you were enough—more, than enough, truly.
he first met you in an arrangement of his father and your parents from your vague childhood—but oh, how he remembers every second of that first meeting. when the doors opened to you bowing in front of him with a barely-hidden smile of excitement curving the tips of your mouth to look at him with big, bright eyes of wonder staring directly at the copy of the sun—not once backing down to blink or burn away from awe and fluster. so ijekiel does that instead.
his skin flares with the color of blooming carnations, sunlight-prickled hues wide from childish panic at the sudden increased beating of his heart.
was something wrong with him? he felt light-headed and dizzy, stomach twisting, tossing and turning as if he was about to faint from merely seeing you presented before him like the finest muse of a pristine piece of art, incomparable to anything else other than itself.
what should he do? should he compliment you? should he act indifferent and use a practiced smile? his mind is trying to adjust to the drastic changes of his swayed heart, but the boy just can’t seem to do just that when he’s faced with a fairytale protagonist right in front of him—and he blinks, catching something from the corner of his eye—and is brought back down to earth when he sees his father’s questioning gaze. then, bows with a smile, greeting you further in to sit down and perhaps enjoy a cup of tea with him?
you said yes out of common courtesy, but that only made his smile grow wider.
LUCAS FIRMLY DOES NOT BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT, like come on—who believes in love like that these days? naive little kids? newly adolescent noble ladies? men of high and poor status? it’s simply too . . . unlikely to actually happen in his eyes. the butterflies when you meet “the love of your life’s” eyes? could be the early signs of constipation. the flush in your cheeks when there’s too much prolonged eye contact with them and the dizziness of your heart and mind? could be an oncoming migraine, headache, or a sign you're being possessed by some evil spirit, y’know?
anyways, enough joking aside—the point is, he finds the subject some far-fetched fairytale that is highly impossible even with the magic he has—that is, until, you waltz into his life.
the things he feels when he's around you is something that could be described as a contradiction. the first gazing into your eyes turns the world upside and back again, the first brush against your fingertips suck all the air out of his chest, the first chuckle that he manages to rouse from deep within your giddy joy paints him a shade darker than his eyes from head to toe—holy fuck were there a lot of firsts that made him experience everything and anything all at once; with most he can't even explain properly without sounding so . . lovesick.
god do you make him sick to the last bone with whatever sorcery you possess.
in short; when in love, lucas is everything that correlates to being stupidly infatuated and is constantly reeling himself in by a hair’s breadth back to the surface when you smile, laugh, or simply exist next to him—like, can you imagine how utterly moronic it is to see how degenerate he’s become from before you?! . . . but, if it makes you happy, he’ll gladly be idiotic for the rest of his life (though, that depends if you're gonna annoy him or not).
✦ — @khasmies 2023.
#― ❛ babbles .ɞ⋆ ˚｡૮ ˶•~•˶ ა#this ain't getting any traction i'm calling it now shfhdkhfshskd#but meh i enjoyed writing it#ALSO GO READ WMMAP (who made me a princess)#IT'S GONNA GIVE YOU THE MOST HEART-WRENCHING SECOND MALE LEAD SYNDROME OF UR LIFE I PROMISE#anyways. the tags#ijekiel alpheus#wmmap ijekiel#who made me a princess#wmmap#manhwa x reader#manhwa x you#ijekiel x reader#ijekiel alpheus x reader#wmmap x reader#who made me a princess x reader#lucas x reader#wmmap lucas#suddenly became a princess one day#wmmap athanasia#athanasia de alger obelia#athanasia x reader#manhwa#q#also the queue tag is still the same hjdsjhfd i'm not changing that one#anyways this is scheduled for sunday aug 6 (unless i get it wrong (which i most likely will but hey that's alright methinks))
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CURIOUS: MONSTER TRIO x OC
fox tales
(cw: threesome, est relationship, zoro walks in, cunnilingus, blowjob, fingering, handjob, kissing lol)
(a/n: yes i know i double songs in my fics but it's what i'm listening to lol)
Songs: "Ain't It Fun" by Paramore
words: 2.1k
“Holy fuck,” you breathe, curling forward with your hands in Luffy’s hair. He’s licking at your clit with abandon, two fingers pistoning in and out of you at a breakneck speed. Your third orgasm for the night crests over you like a wave, and you shudder in his hands.
“Atta girl,” he says, grinning wide with your slick shining across his face. “Cum for me again?” He kisses the inside of your thigh, crooking his fingers up inside you. You gasp.
“Y-yes sir…,” you manage out, sweat pouring down your temples. Your body is twitchy, blissed out, and warm where it presses into the kitchen counter. Sanji was somewhere off to the side, cleaning up after his own turn eating you out.
Luffy wanted you all to himself, now.
But apparently the world had other plans, because the door swings open with a bang.
“Sanji—!” You gasp out, covering your chest, “I thought you locked the door!!!”
“Mon cherie—,” Sanji starts, whirling from where he’d been standing at the sink with his sleeves pushed up over muscular forearms. Then all three of you freeze.
“So that’s where you’ve all been disappearing off to.” A deadpan voice speaks from the doorway.
You peak over Luffy’s head, who’s gone terribly still from between your legs. Zoro is standing framed by light with his arms folded over his chest. Your thighs shake where they’re draped over your captain’s shoulders. He presses a kiss to your clit, and you shiver.
“Luffy?” You peek down at him, and he’s regarding you with deadly calm. You swallow, skin shivering with a light sheen of sweat. Your tails are pressed against your back.
“Did ya want him ta watch?” Luffy asks you, voice coarse. He pumps his fingers in and out of you, experimentally. “I don’t mind, kitty cat.”
“Um—,” you squeak, hiding your head in your hands. Breath is coming in short bursts, your veins are popping with firecrackers, and you can’t think with the sound of Sanji and Zoro bickering over you, plus the sliding of Luffy’s fingers is all just too much—
“STOP!”
You shout, fists banging against the wall behind you. The tile is cool as you hit it with a dull thud. You breathe, ragged and sharp. The three men all stare at you, silent.
“You can stay if you want,” you regard Zoro over the top of Luffy’s head, your hand still buried in the raven locks. “But you can’t keep arguing,” you shoot a glare over at Sanji, who starts babbling out apologies. You ignore him, waving him off with a huff.
Zoro is staring at you with steel in his eye.
“Why did you barge in here?” You ask him, unraveling your legs from Luffy’s neck. You’re naked, completely on display for the swordsman. Zoro clears his throat.
“Curious,” is all he says.
You flick an eyebrow. “C’mere, then.”
Slowly, steadily, he stalks toward you. Like a tiger in the rushes, ready to pounce. Luffy stands, hovering at your side with fidgety hands.
“H-he’s really nice, Vasya!” He stammers, skimming his knuckles up your thighs. He places a kiss to the underside of your jaw. He whispers in your ear, “I won’t let him do anything you don’t wanna do.”
“I know,” you murmur, kissing Luffy’s temple while maintaining eye contact with Zoro. Neither of you have broken it yet, and neither of you have even blinked. You haven’t gotten to know the swordsman quite yet, wary of his broad shoulders and glinting blades. But you feel how he protects the crew, especially Luffy, and Luffy is special to you.
Zoro stands an inch away from your skin, hovering just in front of your knees. Sitting on the counter means you’re at eye level with him. His jaw clenches.
You cock your chin at him. “Kiss me?” You ask, voice betraying the tremor you feel in your gut. You’ve already cum like, four times in the last hour. Both Luffy and Sanji now were hanging at either side of you, with Zoro in the middle.
You want to be in the middle.
Zoro delicately traces his calloused fingertips along your cheekbone. Tingles follow in their wake. He breaks eye contact to look at Luffy.
“S’alright, captain?”
Luffy is looking at you, so you nod in answer. Luffy nods too. He squeezes your hand where it rests on your thigh. Sanji strokes your hair.
The kitchen light sways slightly, as the ship rocks in the waves. Zoro traces your bottom lip with the pad of his thumb, and leans in.
He tastes like sea salt.
“Mmph,” you hum, as he suddenly deepens the kiss. The hand that isn’t held by Luffy goes to stroke through Zoro’s green hair, feeling it damp with sweat.
“Been working out?” You tease against his lips. He only grunts in response, wrapping a strong hand around your waist. It easily spans half the width of your torso. “Fuck…,” you whisper, and he smirks into the kiss.
“Maybe,” he murmurs, tracing his thumb along your ribs. You want him to touch higher, harder. Hotter.
“Kitty?” Luffy tugs on a lock of your hair, and you break away from Zoro’s heated gaze long enough to look at Luffy instead. He’s pouting. “Me next?”
You flush, and lean forward to lick your way past his lips. He hums in appreciation, and not-so-subtly moves Zoro out of the way. He wants to press into your heat, feel your skin beneath his hands.
“Is this the way it usually is?” Zoro quietly asks the cook. His fingers dance along your scabby knees. You shiver under his touch, and hear the cook giggle from somewhere to the left. His hands have moved from your hair to your neck, where they hold you still for Luffy to kiss. He tastes immaculate under your tongue.
“More or less,” Sanji admits. “Captain doesn’t like sharing what’s his.”
“Hmph.” Zoro grunts in response, and you can’t help but grin. Being wanted by three of these monstrous men?
How much better could it get?
“Luuuffyyy,” you hum against his lips. Your boyfriend moans, not wanting to give up his turn just yet. He bites at your bottom lip.
“Want him ta make ya cum?” He asks, hoarse, his forehead pressed to yours. His warmth radiates through you, making your toes curl. You run your fingers through his silky hair.
“Mhmm,” you nod, still focused only on Luffy. He needs your attention right now, and you’re more than happy to give it to him. You tilt an eyebrow. “If he can.”
Luffy snickers.
“Your turn,” he says to Zoro, after stepping aside. Luffy turns to hop up on the counter next to you, and kicks a heel into the cabinets below. His other leg is bent up on the counter, arm thrown haphazard over his knee.
His other arm snakes around your hips, holding you close as he leans his warm weight into your side. Zoro stands between your legs.
“Well,” Luffy says, leveling a heavy gaze at his first mate, “Kneel.”
Zoro obeys.
****
Which is how you ended up with three men’s mouths happily pleasuring you all at once.
Sanji is buried between your tits, going from sucking hard on your nipples to playing with them roughly with his slender fingertips. Luffy is taking all of your attention for himself, having grabbed your face in both hands for a kiss and hasn’t let go since. He moans, and mutters sweet praises into your lips that you greedily swallow like honey in your tea.
And Zoro.
Zoro.
He is still kneeling on the kitchen tile, head buried between your thighs. His jaw is apparently just as strong as the rest of him (but that doesn’t surprise you, three-sword-style and all), because he keeps lapping at your clit with the same, ferocious pace as what he started with.
He laves his soft, wide tongue across the entrance of your pussy, and tentatively pokes in. You start, gasping with your legs clenched, and then Zoro is fucking you with his tongue. His hand comes up to rub greedy circles at your clit, using the pads of his third and fourth fingers. The friction electrifies you, completely.
“F-fuck, Zo—,” you gasp out, breaking the kiss with Luffy, who whines. He leans in to start nipping at your chin, leaving love bites all the way down your neck. Tomorrow you’re sure it’ll be decorated with lovely, toothy blotches that bloom violet against your skin. Luffy noses at your jaw.
“Is he doin’ good?” He asks, voice ragged and hazy. You nod, biting your bottom lip.
“Mhmm,” you manage out.
“Good girl,” he praises you, before diving back in to shove his tongue down your throat. You take him, gladly. Luffy is moaning into your mouth with abandon, his hands frisking in your hair like there’s no tomorrow. Zoro laps at your clit, opting to move his fingers down to play with your pussy again. You groan.
“Luuffyyyyy,” you whine, and he knocks his forehead against yours, “Feels good…want more of you.” You pout up at him with bitten lips, and heat flashes in his eyes. He stands on the counter, unbuttoning his shorts with his pelvis now level with your face.
Sanji gasps against your neck, where he’d started licking up and down as he whispered sweet nothings in your ear. “M-me too, mon cherie,” he says as he fumbles with his belt. You dive your hand beneath his trousers, bypassing his boxers to close your fist around his dick. Sanji is long and thick, with a rosy head that feels so good pulsing against your hand. You start pumping him in time with Zoro’s rhythm. He grins between your legs.
“Cock hungry, aren’t ya?”
“How could I not be?” You laugh, face flushed. “Look at you three.”
Luffy giggles, having stripped off his shorts and is now eagerly awaiting your velvet mouth. “Like what you see?” He cocks an eyebrow as he starts pumping his own cock, inches from your face.
You stick your tongue out, sweeping up the underside of his shaft only to lick at the glistening precum gathered at his tip. Luffy’s cock is solid, thicker than Sanji’s with a bronzed head that makes your mouth water. You lick up his shaft again.
“Love it,” you confess, and start bucking your hips into Zoro’s face. He lets you grind against him, pushing up the flat of his tongue against your heat.
Sanji moans against your neck, palming at your breasts with shaky hands. His cheeks are blushing so sweetly, like the strawberry soda he poured for you earlier. You can still taste it on his lips.
“Good boy, Sanji,” you croon, kissing the top of his head. He gets so whiny, when he’s like this. Not that you mind. His beautiful, boyish features blushed and pleasured just from your touch alone is enough to light a fire beneath your ego. You feel it inflate like a hot air balloon, but you can’t do anything besides take it for a ride.
Zoro’s getting you there soon, anyway.
You pant against Sanji’s head, his hair glinting soft under your cheek. You press a kiss to his head again. “Come for me?” You pant, reaching up with your other hand to palm Luffy’s cock. You couldn’t take him down your throat right now; you needed to breathe.
Luffy wraps his hands around yours, and starts fucking your fist with pistoning hips. You moan, letting a wave of pleasure swell up inside you. You were gonna—
“Fuck!” You scream, curling forward with your hands full of cock, and your pussy full of Zoro’s tongue. He grins from where he’s fucking you through your orgasm, tracing careful circles on your clit as you cum. He slows down, eventually, as your breathing evens out. Flustered and high, you turn your attention back to the boys at your sides.
“F-faster,” Luffy moans, as Sanji messily licks against your collarbone. Luffy speed-demons his way to orgasm, hips slamming against your fist until he’s spurting hot, white cum all over your face and hand. He shoves it into your mouth, making you take his length as he spasms and gasps his way through ecstasy.
You gasp, choked, and muffle out a moan as Sanji squeezes a delicate hand around your throat. Luffy grunts something unintelligible and feral as he feels the pressure tighten.
“Ganna—,” he stutters, “Cum again,” and shudders down your throat.
You take it, hot and delicious, as Sanji pulses his grasp on your throat. Stars dance behind your eyes as Zoro slowly stands up, regarding you with such emerald ferocity you don’t know what to do.
You glance down to see a hot, shining cock in the swordsman’s deft hand, brown tip disappearing in and out of his cum-covered fist. His head tips back as strokes it, grunting in pleasure after bringing himself over the edge with you. You all pant, lost in the bubbles of afterglow as you all recover.
“Fuck,” Zoro finally says. “That was fun.”
****
#luffy smut#monster trio#monster trio fanfic#monster trio smut#one piece polyamory#one piece smut#one piece fic#zoro smut#sanji smut#dumpster dive#my writing#one piece#one piece fanfic#luffy fanfic#luffy x reader#fox tales#luffy#kitsune oc#kitsune
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vernon x chubby!reader
total simp for you
“baby do you want me to go to the store for you?” “i can fold your laundry if you want” “here let me do those dishes you should sit down”
cares about taking pictures if you’re in them, actually smiles but only because he’s looking at you
makes you a new playlist every month, they just get progressively more lovestruck and sincere the longer you’re together
yea okay avril lavigne is on every single one but so is the only exception by paramore so
doesn’t really understand what you’re talking about if/when you get insecure, but makes sure to tell you how obsessed he is with you anyway
likes to cuddle with his head sandwiched between your thighs but half the time it turns into him eating you out bc he just can’t stop thinking about how soft and warm you are
always absentmindedly touching you. a hand on your thigh when you’re driving, his hip pressed against yours during a movie, his pinky locked with yours when you’re walking
takes hundreds of pictures of you, whether you think you look cute or not. the one you think is the worst always ends up as his lock screen, but you can’t complain when he looks at his phone with heart eyes and turns it to you saying, “babe look”
dry af texter but started using emojis for you, the 🍑 is his most used bc he compliments your ass even when he can’t see it. he just knows it looks good, that’s all!
more chubby!reader here
#vernon fluff#vernon x reader#vernon headcanons#vernon x chubby!reader#vernon x chubby reader#seventeen x chubby reader#seventeen x chubby!reader#seventeen fluff#seventeen headcanons#kpop headcanons#kpop fluff#chubby reader
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can u recommend some bands? i think i like ur music taste and i am terrible at finding music
ty :)
of COURSE I can <3 you’ve probably heard of some of these, but maybe there’ll be some you haven’t! I don’t know what you already like, so… here we go :)
Hozier. Yeah this was always going to be first on the list I’m currently listening to basically nothing else! He’s an Irish folk/soul/blues/etc idk musician who uses a lot of religious and mythological themes in his lyrics and has a lot of songs that include social justice commentary.
The Amazing Devil is a folk rock band with an incredibly unique sound. Their songs are incredibly emotional and have an awesome fantasy vibe going on—plus there’s two singers, and they often sing independently from each other, which is something you don’t see often!
Good Morning Bedlam is a bluegrass band that I’ve gotten into recently! They’re sort of like… a mix of the amazing devil and the crane wives?
The Crane Wives, while we’re at it, and
The Oh Hellos. they’re fairly similar and I don’t have a ton to say about their stylistic differences, but they’re all definitely worth checking out!
Florence & The Machine. Most people have heard of them but I always like to recommend them anyway
Alec Benjamin, if you’re into softer indie music! He has a lot of different styles of lyrics, but his voice is consistent, so he’s great to listen to if you’re looking for that sort of variety.
Chxrlotte doesn’t have a lot of music out, but I’m a big fan of the music she has released, including the ones about Good Omens! The others are more angsty which I love too.
The Family Crest is an orchestral indie pop rock band, which blows my mind. I can’t believe orchestra isn’t a more utilized tool in popular lyrical music, because they do it so well.
Good Kid is actually my brother’s favorite band, and I love them too. They’re also indie rock, but they have a very distinctive style and are easy to get into! Plus they haven’t released a shit ton of songs like some other artists, so it isn’t overwhelming to explore their discography.
Jonatha Brooke is an artist I only know about because my mom liked her music a lot in the 90s, but she’s got a super nice voice and has some awesomely relatable lyrics. I especially recommend her album Ten Cent Wings!
Midlake is a super melodic folk rock band. I’m obsessed with their album The Courage of Others, which has a melancholy vibe that’s super easy to get lost in.
Palaye Royale is harder rock than anyone else on the list so far, but they’ve got an awesome style. Unique voice and definitely darker themes in their lyrics.
Tears for Fears is a pop rock band that I love because my dad does. (My parents are musicians—I trust their music taste).
Toad the Wet Sprocket got their name from Monty Python, but PLEASE go listen to the Architect of the Ruin EP. You will not regret it. Also the song Something’s Always Wrong is like… entrenched in my very being.
Elbow is a band that I never see in fandom circles, but they’re definitely not obscure. Check out their album Little Fictions! They’re kind of like Midlake.
Will Wood ranges from chaotic and fun (The Normal Album) to absolutely soul-crushing (in case I make it)! Sometimes even both at the same time!
(I would’ve also put Paramore, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, and other rock/pop punk bands I like on there, but I assumed you already know them.) (If you were looking for harder rock or metal, let me know, because this list is not that.)
If you want more genre-specific recs or even album/song recs, don’t hesitate to ask!! Music is the fuel of my soul.
#asks :)#music talk#band recommendations#song recs#music recs#hozier#the amazing devil#the crane wives#good morning bedlam#the oh hellos#florence and the machine#alec benjamin#chxrlotte#the family crest#good kid#jonatha brooke#midlake#palaye royale#tears for fears#toad the wet sprocket#elbow#will wood
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Dabi x gn!reader
Warnings: talk of death, reader is implied to be in therapy, Dabi is definitely nothing like Dabi, soft Dabi.
A/N: Uhh I guess I just need a hug? That's it, that's your summary too. Reader just needs a hug.
“Tell me why I’m humoring you right now.”
“Because you like me more than you want to admit.”
“Ha ha ha. Very funny, doll.”
“Because I knew you would be awake, and you knew you would answer?”
“Alright, alright,” Dabi sighs, shifting fabric reaching your ear as he moves, “so?”
“So…”
“Th’fuck’re you callin’ me for at two in the morning?”
“I don’t- sorry, I know, I just… I can’t put it into words, I guess.”
“Whatever.”
“I don’t really have a reason to be here, you know?” you pick at your quilt. A panic attack was keeping you awake, and you hoped that talking to someone as apathetic and uncaring as your raven-haired paramore would help, “I don’t have a purpose.”
Dabi scoffs, the sharp sound of a lighter coming to life bringing a small smile to your lips, “not the person you should be talking to about that, doll. I ain’t no help. Call that stupid bird, he’s a hero, he can help.”
“Yeah, that’s why I called you. I’m offended, honestly. You think I’d call him? Ew. Gross. I’ll pass.”
The howl of laughter that escapes Dabi - pure delight and ecstasy at your disapproval in regards to the wing hero - brings a bigger smile to your lips. Calling Dabi, well, that was the right choice. Talking to him was already helping!
“Tell me what else you’d pass on~”
“Oh my god, everything? Whatever comes out of his mouth is just pretty words and prettier lies. I have no interest. There’s little he can do to actually keep my eye.”
“Yeah~? Glad you feel that way - but for what it’s worth, I still think you should have called him, not me.”
“Why, cuz I’m sad and lonely and hate every second I spend alive? Call him so that he can swoop in on his big wings and save me?”
“I mean, sure. Better than talking to a villain about it.”
“Hey,” you wet your lips, shifting on your bed, “you are a villain. You would do it if I asked you to, right?”
“Do what?”
“Kill me.”
His silence carries from where he is, to where you are, a terrible weight that sits on your shoulders. It forces a sigh from your lips, “living is difficult and I don’t like it. I don’t like difficult things. I don’t like working, but I don’t like having nothing to do. I don’t like being awake. I don’t like being alive. If I had a choice in the matter, I would have rather never been here a single second.”
Dabi maintains his silence, but his next breath is one of anger. His heat is palpable despite the distance between you.
“Keep talking like that and I will kill you.”
“Date and time?” you try to joke, a nervous laugh bubbling up your throat.
“You have the fuckin’ gall to ask me to kill you and then be afraid of the prospect?”
“Yeah? That’s the funny thing about it, D - or I guess, the annoying thing about it. I am scared. Maybe when it happens I won’t be, but y’know, I like to think about things.”
“Stop thinking about it, then.”
“I can’t turn it off like that,” you huff, leaning back against the headboard, “I try, promise.”
“If anyone should be thinking like that, it’s me, dumbass.”
“But you have a purpose. You have a drive. You have a reason to be here - what reason do I have? None.”
“You have a life,” he snaps, and you think that maybe he was right. You should have called Hawks, because in your knowledge of Dabi being a villain, you had always thought he would never be bothered by you talking about the things that troubled you the most.
Evidently, you were wrong; you were wrong because his breaths are heavy with anger, and his tone is laced with distress.
“Friends, family, you have that.”
“And they have each other. My friends have other friends. My family has other family. They don’t need me - I’m not needed. My presence it’s not… it’s not needed. I don’t bring anything special or important to anyone around me.”
“You little brat,” he spits; something breaks in the background, and you’re not sure where he is, but you’re immediately worried.
“Don’t do something stupid, D.”
His laugh is incredulous, “me do something stupid? Take a look in the mirror, baby! You don’t want me to do something stupid, then stop talking stupid.”
“... okay. Fine. I see your point. I still don’t want to be here.”
“Because no one needs you?”
“Yeah.”
“I need you.”
You jump in your skin, hearing double. There’s a knock at your window. You stare at him, leaning against the glass, eyes illuminated by the azure flames he has simmering in his chest.
“Uh--”
“That date and time you wanted? Right fucking now,” he gives your window a good whack with flat of his fist. The blow is strong enough to put a few cracks in the glass, “open the fucking window.”
You drop your phone on the nightstand, not as scared as you thought you might be. He’s pocketing his own phone by the time you get to the window and unlatch it to let him in. He backs you right up to your bed, knocking you down onto it with his chest.
His finger is in your face as he leans over you, rage making the skin under his eyes bubble, “I’m not your therapist.”
“Nope, no, no you’re not.”
“But I know when you’re panic-talking.”
“Source needed.”
“Source being how well I fucking know you.”
You reach up to cup his face in your hands, the realization settling in that you actually scared him. Now you feel the tears gathering in your eyes, taking a deep breath to stabilize yourself. It becomes more difficult when he covers one of your hands in his.
“Sorry,” you muster, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
He makes no effort to deny it.
“I just - I just struggle to find a reason to be here - to want to be here. It takes too much effort to be alive.”
“Then let me be your reason - tonight, at least,” he leans back, balancing on his knees as he shucks off his jacket.
You feel infinite amounts better when his weight settles against you, arms wrapping tightly around his neck. Weary eyes slide closed, fingers twisting in the back of his loose shirt.
“Next time, just tell me you need a hug.”
“Okay.”
“You’ll have to make this up to me,” his words are warm, face nuzzling against your neck.
“Okay.”
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Fake Happy(1)
(Harry Styles x Reader)
Song:
Summary: A heartbroken Harry meets a heartbroken Y/N. Friends to lovers.
Warnings: Cursing.Angst.Fluff.
>>>————————————->
“Trevor, you need to figure your shit out.”
He scoffs into the phone.
“Y/N, you know how much this means to me-.”
“Of course I do! I’ve been working my ass off to support us when you move here and now you’re just suddenly done?! You haven’t spoken to me for days and now you drop this on me?!”
He sighs and I sniffle, fighting back my tears.
“I just- I don’t think we’re good together anymore… I’m sorry Y/N, but that’s the way it is. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
He hangs up, and my tears start to fall. I sniffle and wipe my face with my sleeve before locking my car and heading into my parents large house. It’s crowded inside and it takes me a few minutes to find my father, who gives me a look of displeasure the second he sees me.
“Y/N, what have we talked about? You can’t show up to these things in that ratty uniform of yours. Diane, sweetheart, would you please take her upstairs and fix her?”
My mother smiles and nods, taking my hand and pulling me through the house and up the stairs into my parent’s bedroom. She shuts the door and turns to me, pulling me into a hug.
“I’m so sorry sweetheart…”
My eyes widen and she pulls away, wiping away my remaining tears.
“How did you-.”
“Mother’s instincts. You were far too good for him. You are more than I ever thought you could be. I’m very proud.”
I sit on the edge of the bed and she walks into her closet.
“Why…? Father isn’t happy…”
She comes out with a cocktail dress and a pair of matching heels, a frown on her face.
“That may be so, but it’s only because he wants to keep you safe. He feels he can’t do that when you’re on your own. But you’re a strong, independent girl. You are entitled to live your life as you choose and sweetheart, you are doing amazing. You support yourself no matter what, and I could never be prouder…”
She sits down next to me and takes my hand.
“Sweetheart, you be the best you that you can be. And if Trevor can’t see that- someone else will. Now, let’s not keep your father waiting. Go change and I’ll do your hair and makeup.”
I sigh and stand up, changing in the bathroom before coming out and taking a seat at my mother’s vanity. She begins to brush my hair and then she braids it, tying it up with a bow. I slip on some earrings she holds out to me before she slips on a diamond necklace.
I slip on the heels and she quickly does my makeup when there’s a knock the door. My father pokes his head through the door and smiles when he sees me, coming in before closing the door behind him.
“Much, much better. Now, come along. I have someone I’d like to introduce you to.”
I take his arm reluctantly and escorts my mother and I downstairs to a small group of men, one I recognize awfully well. I quickly grab a champagne flute off of a nearby tray and I down it, making my father a scoff.
“Gentleman, forgive my daughter for her lack of.. decorum- Harry, I’d like to introduce you to my daughter, Y/N. Y/N, sweetheart, this is-.”
“Harry Styles…”
Harry smiles and holds out his hand to me. I shake it with a blush and a small smile. The older man discuss for a few minutes and I stand there, downing a few more flutes before someone taps my shoulder. Harry.
“Did you maybe want to get some air? It’s getting a bit stuffy in here and it seems like you could use some air as well.”
I smile and nod, following him outside. I take a seat on the deck bench, clutching my half empty flute. Harry takes a seat next to me and doesn’t speak for a minute.
“So…You seem bothered.”
I scoff and shake my head.
“You’ve known me all of ten minutes. How could you possibly know that?”
He sighs and I turn my head to him.
“Because I recognize the look on your face. The same one I’ve had the past few months…”
I frown and place my hand on his shoulder.
“Love sucks.”
He lets out a light laugh and nods.
“A bit…”
I sigh and lean against the wall.
“One minute You’re planning your future and the next your heart is smashed to pieces.”
He leans against the wall and looks at me.
“So why fake happy?”
I sigh and fiddle my fingers.
“My father. He doesn’t exactly make it easy to be human. I have to keep up an image. He’s already angry enough that I don’t live alone- let alone that I work…”
I finish off my champagne flute and I kick of my heels, flinging them into the grass.
“Don’t you have anyone to confide in?”
I side eye him, shaking my head.
“I confide in my pillow. Just as I always do. And what about you? Surely you’ve got people who understand you.”
He gives me a sad smile and shakes his head.
“Technically I guess I do. But not anyone I feel comfortable telling.”
I stay quiet for a minute before I decide to bite the bullet and speak my mind.
“If you ever need anyone… You can call or text me. I’ll be here if you need to talk…”
He widens his eyes and looks at me, his mouth gaping.
“You’d do that? Why?”
I shrug and give him a small smile.
“Sometimes it’s nice to lean on someone. And maybe… I don’t know- maybe we can be that for each other… Friends?”
He smiles and leaps to me, hugging me tight as I laugh.
“Yes! I’d love that! But promise me one thing?”
He pulls away and I look at him as he takes my hand.
“Let’s not fake happy around each other. Deal?”
I like my pinky with his and smile.
“Deal.”
>>>————————————->
This is only part one lovelies! I promise they’ll be together! Please let me know what you thought!
Tag List
@be-with-me-so-happily @swiftmendeshoran @babyiamperfectforyou @freedomfireflies @kaminokatie @harrysmimi @violetsandfluff @fruitmans @fruitmansrecs @harringtons-honey @rafaaoli @kimmi-kat @erggggggggg @cayleyhannha-blog @acesofspadess @that-mcu-fan @styles-barnes-bitch @purple9950 @justmystyles @itslottiehere
#Spotify#harry styles#harry styles x reader#fanfiction#harry styles fanfiction#paramore#fake happy#after laughter#harry styles x you#harrystyles#harry imagine#harry styles imagine#harry styles fic#harry styles oneshot#harry styles series#Harry Styles angst#harry styles fanfic#harry styles x y/n#harry angst#harry styles imagines#harry x you#harry styles fluff#harry styles fan fiction#harry styles x fem!reader#harry styles one shot#harry styles x reader angst#harry styles fan fic#harry styles writing#harry styles masterlist#walkingintheheartbreaksatellite
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EXCHANGE/LOVE TRANSIT - S01/EP01 (pt i)
♥ SYNOPSIS: Soonyoung is a man on a mission to get his ex back, even if this means enduring watching her going on dates in a reality TV show - ok maybe he didn't think it through when he thought it was a good idea to go on said tv show. Alternatively; Soonyoung love transit episode.
♥ GENRE: (this is me trying to do) comedy, romance, a little dash of angsty (because they are exes and because it is me writing it I guess);
♥ CHAPTER WORD COUNT: 6925
♥ FEATURING: Wen Junhui as Soonyoung's number one enemy, Xu Minghao, Lee Chan, Boo Seungkwan as a cranky panelist, Seo Changbin as a normal panelist, Girls Day Yura just because I love her, Pi Cheolin as a panelist that nobody knows why he has been cast but he makes it work.
♥ PLAYLIST: 1. VINTAGE - NIKI, 2. LAS JORDANS - TINI, 3. CALL ME - RENGGA JONES, 4. STILL INTO YOU - PARAMORE, 5. LOVE LIKE THAT - SAM KIM, 6. TENTA ACREDITAR - ANAVITÓRIA, 7. URS - NIKI
♥ THEA’S NOTE: Hello hi hi everyone. I’ve been weirdly obsessed with Love transit/Exchange for quite a while. For those who have never watched it, they put 10 people together in a house - 5 couples, and make them go on a date with different people. The funny thing is that you can’t tell people who your ex is. Also after a long debate with myself, I decided to post this as a multichapetered fic. Anyways welcome to part 1, hope you enjoy it.
♥ If you want to read the rest of this/ be tagged click here ♥
♥ LOVE TRANSIT MASTERLIST
[INTERVIEW ROOM][CAMERA 1]
“Do you know you have to think about other options too, right?” The producer asks him. The giant camera is way too close to his face and the producer is sitting just under it - in a little stool that looks utterly uncomfortable. Soonyoung wants to face her, but before this question she told him three different times he needs to stare right at the camera. He is sitting so still that he can feel the energy accumulating on his body, making him almost quick in his seat.
“I am not interested in that,” Soonyoung answers - staring at the camera and trying to not blink too much even if the lights of the studio hurt his eyes.
“But the point of this program is that you are open to dating other people and let her date other people as well,” the producer insisted, and Soonyoung almost laughed. He knows that, for fucking sakes he only got his date because he is a master in rock paper scissor and his ex went on a date with fucking Junhui. He knows the point of everything, he just doesn't really care.
“Like I said, I am not interested in that, my goal with this,” He tries to explain, using his hand to point at everything, the set actually looked way better on camera and it was very flimsy in real life, and everytime he thinks he will break a fake wall. “Is that we get back together,” he grins confidently, “Sorry pd nim but we will get back together before this end.”
He hears the producer groan, he is pretty sure she shouldn’t be groaning and this won’t go to the final cut. He thinks the audio people will handle it, they probably will put a fade in music or whatever, they are professionals.
[EX-CHANGE HOUSE][CAMERAS 2, 3, 4]
When the assistant producer says that he can start walking and enter the house, Soonyoung is ready to just run. But he holds himself back, instead of running he just puts down the handle of his suitcase and grips on the strap. Like that, he thinks, it will be faster than strolling around. He starts walking, the weight on his suitcase is heavy on his arms but he is committed to that already, he won’t ask for the assistant guy to re-do his shot, and he won’t change his mind midway either, it is now a matter of pride. Soonyoung is proud - his ex always told him that - he is too proud for his own good.
He is proud enough to not drop his suitcase when he opens the gate and steps greets him, Soonyoung just groans, because he is proud but not a fool. Ok, maybe he is a fool, again, according to his ex but he likes to think that since they broke up he is a changed man. Eight months is enough time to be reborn into a new man according to Soonyoung experience. He changed his hair, it is way shorter now, and cooler - he likes to think. A few of his friends joked about his short bangs and almost shaved sides but he likes it and he even has a cool slit in his eyebrow. He also changed his clothes, he pays more attention to his clothes now and even his ex would agree with that one - or he hopes so.
His personality didn’t change that much but Soonyoung likes to think he can see things clearly now - like a fog has come down. He always was good with his goal, he stuck to it, he finished things, he was disciplined and he was focused. But he wasn’t very good with balance. His girlfriend, his ex-girlfriend, always talked about how he had those bursts of hyperfocus, she explained back then how he could dance for hours and hours without feeling his body getting exhausted but he couldn’ focus on a single task if he found anything remotely boring. But he is better now, he worked for long months on how he didn’t need to give up in other aspects of his life to succeed professionally. He learned that he doesn’t need to spend twenty hours per day in his dance studio, he learned to trust other people in that aspect.
Damn too many steps, Soonyoung thinks when he finally arrives at the door. He looks around and presses the numbers on the digital keypad, the same assistant producer guy told him a few numbers - he actually wrote down in his note app, he knows himself that he will forget in no time. But the numbers are fresh enough in his head and the doors open. Soonyoung looks around the hall and he thinks he is the first one. Well. Cool. Soonyoung drops his suitcase in the hall and takes off his shoes, walking around without a slipper on - he can’t really bother to search for one right now. He starts looking around, cameras are scattered around the house greeting him in every room.
It is fascinating really, to be a part of the tv show, Soonyoung thinks while he gives the camera in the kitchen a little hand wave. He opens the fridge and it actually has a lot of booze, damn, he is not a good drinker. He goes around the kitchen checking for appliances and almost starts the coffee machine without knowing, he was just pressing random buttons. He hopes the producer teams cut this part. After almost burning his hand with hot water he goes to the living room, one of the walls is completely glass and it makes the sun enter the house, the view of the garden is pretty cool, and there is another staircase outside leading to somewhere. The glass is so clean that when Soonyoung touches it just to see his fingertip smudges it. He exhale thought his mouth, fogging the window and draws with his fingertip a doodle - the same shape of his eyes but with a snout, a little tiger Soonyoung thinks proud of himself, when he turns around another camera is facing him and he just show his work while smiling.
There is another stair leading to the second floor. Weird obsession to have, Soonyoung thinks, staircases. He jumps two steps at a time. He roams around - the rooms seem nice, 3 upstairs and another living room, no television and thank god no cameras in the bathroom. He gets bored after a while, so he goes down to the main floor and sits on the sofa - politely, his hand on his knees. But that too gets boring really quick so he starts kicking his feets around, he did good, Soonyoung thinks to himself, he really chose a good sock today so he is not too worried he is shoeless walking around, his black socks are amazing.
After what seems like three whole hours the door opens again, he hears the sound of the padlock and his heart jumps against his chest, he almost hop on the sofa, the amount of energy he has in his body is enough to make him vibrate like a cellphone receiving a call. He stretches his neck trying to see who it is before the person enters the living room. He sees the shoes before he can actually see the person and for the size of those damn feet Soonyoung knows it is not his ex. A good looking guy enters the room, getting all shy when he sees Soonyoung.
“Hello,” the good looking guy greets him and his voice is on the lower side, Soonyoung thinks he looks so cool.
“Hello,” Soonyoung began, “I am Kwon Soonyoung,” he offered first, “your name?” he says when the good looking guy just stares at him.
“Ah, right,” the guy sitting across from Soonyoung began, “I am Jun, Wen Junhui actually, but you can call me Jun.”
“Jun,” Soonyoung mutters, it fits his name, the guy is a little weird Soonyoung thinks but it is okay.
“So, what's your favorite color?” Soonyoung asks him because he is not allowed to ask anything else really. No question about Jun’s ex, he can’t know his age either, and they are prohibited to talk about their jobs, so Soonyoung tries to make small talk in any way he can.
They fall into a weird silence after a few questions. “This is awkward,” Junhui admitted after a bit making Soonyoung laugh.
After a few minutes another guy arrives, Xu Minghao is his name and Soonyoung is pretty sure he is part of a gothic or emo band. A girl arrives after that, she is cute Soonyoung gives her that but he is not really interested. Then another girl and again a pretty girl because of course. When the fourth guy arrives Soonyoung starts to think that maybe you bailed out and the producer team might be looking for an actress to play his ex, who knows. They are in the middle of asking the blond guy his name and his color, everyone introducing themselves to the new guy when he finally hears the door again. His blood is rushing through his body. When you enter the door a ray of sunshine goes through the window and illuminates all around you, almost like a halo. Soonyoung looks behind him to check if any staff is pointing something at you but nothing.
“Hi,” you greeted looking at everyone, Soonyoung smiled at you, and damn you are even more beautiful how was that possible.
“Wow,” The blond guy says at his side, Lee Chan, he thinks and that alone makes Soonyoung perk up a little bit, “you are shoeless,” the guy added pointing at your feet.
“Ah,” You breathed, your voice low. Soonyoung knows you are shy and before he could say anything Junhui guy was already up and walking around, “I couldn’t really find a slipper.”
“Here,” Junhui gives you a pair of slippers - wait - what about him? Soonyoung thinks but apparently he doesn’t deserve Jun’s attention even though he tried his best to be polite and friendly, and before he knows he is pouting, damn.
When everyone falls silent again, Soonyoung thinks it is his time to shine, “Your name?” he asks politely, trying his best to not make clear that he is still heads over heels over you just with a simple question.
They go around names again but everything is weirdly muffed when Soonyoung focuses on you. Your hair is different now, longer he thinks. You repeat every name, the girls first then Junhui, Chan, Minghao and Soonyoung. He is the last one and he hates every name that falls off your tongue that is not his own. Soonyoung, you mumbled like everyone else's names, and it hits Soonyoung that it has been months since you called his name, and he misses it.
“Does anyone know how to cook?” Lee Chan asks, and Soonyoung is sure he will be the youngest one, there is something in him that just screams maknae.
“I-” Jun starts but when all the eyes turn into him he stutters a little bit and gets shy with all the attention, meanwhile Soonyoung just sharpens his gaze towards the guy, “I can fix something up to dinner.”
“I can help,” you declare, lifting up your hand like you are back in school or something, you are so cute, Soonyoung almost giggles, “I can do the basics so if you need any help,” you say to Jun and then it dawns on Soonyoung and before he knows he is lying through his teeth;
“I can help too,” Soonyoung volunteers, almost raising his hand like a kid in school, “I am a great cook.”
Everyone looks at him but he can only focus on the way you look at him - you know he is lying, and for a second he thinks everyones knows it too even though they just met, but he will die on this hill, he can pretend he is putting a salad together for all the people who don’t eat meat even though he is pretty sure everyone's eat meat, but he is thoughtful like that.
“Okay, so you three can go to the market and cook dinner,” says one of the girls that Soonyoung can't remember the name, “we can clean the kitchen and also the guys can help us with all the suitcases, and we sort out the rooms after dinner.”
[CAR AND MARKET][OUTSIDE CAMERA + GOPRO N 3]
“This is weird isn't it?” The Jun guy asks when you finally sit in the backseat, Soonyoung is in front of you and everything does seem incredibly weird.
“What exactly?” You ask and you hear Soonyoung laugh for the first time in a while and you don’t even know what you feel - everything seems weird, the fact that one go pro is right at your face is weird, the fact that you are in the same vehicle as Kwon Soonyoung is weird, the fact that you said yes to this weird ass idea was weird too.
“I mean,” Jun starts again, falling silent when he starts reversing the car to get out of the garage, “everything? I feel like only now everything is real and it is so weird like, what do you I will be living with my ex for a month.”
“Right?” Soonyoung pipes up, “aren’t you guys excited about that?” he asks and before you or Jun can speak up he starts again, “I am super hyped!”
“You are?” Jun asks, astonished, and you can’t blame him. One of the greatest problems in your relationship was the fact that you and Soonyoung worked somehow on different wavelengths. Soonyoung is someone that is difficult to follow, but once you know him you can start figuring out his patterns and way of thinking - he is predictable, he has a routine into his own madness.
“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Soonyoung says, looking at Jun and turning his whole body to look at you in the backseat, you just shrug because what else can you do really? Tell him that he is insane was not an option, that alone would make it clear that Soonyoung was your ex.
“I think the fact that this program entails living with your ex for one,” Jun says dead seriously and it is your time to laugh. You thought you would be the last one in terms of thinking this program is a good idea but apparently this Jun guy is beating you to it.
Soonyoung keeps talking about how excited he is and how fun it will be, he goes on and on about how this is an one in a lifetime type of opportunity and you know that even if he sounds a bit over the top he is being honest, and that he is - even if you and Jun finds extremely weird - very excited for it. But it is Soonyoung so of course you should’ve seen that coming.
And after just a few minutes you think that even though he cut his hair, Soonyoung didn’t change that much, when you say you are picking up a basket he is already by your side taking it off your hands, “Let me carry this and you focus on the ingredients,” he says like he has some sort of a plan but deep down you know he won’t let you carry all the weight - you always complain about having wrist pain, tendonitis is a bitch, the fact that Soonyoung still remembers make your heart grow, like a air ballon.
Back then when you were together every time you were at home he would make you drop your phone, computers were also extremely prohibited to use. If your wrist brace were on he would even attempt to feed you - you always hated that and he always threw a fit about it.
“Jun,” you call the guy walking ahead of you mindlessly, “Do you have something in mind?”
“Hmmm,” the guy ponders and you almost laugh at his confused face. He is cute. You give him that but you think that giggling at his face would be too much for one of your first interactions. “Not really,” he says scratching the back of his neck and you can feel the smile forming on your face.
“We should grill meat,” Soonyoung says proudly, bringing you back to reality, “We could buy meat.”
“I actually can make a side dish with fried vegetables,” you try, looking around to see if you can find anything to put together for dinner.
“Oh nice,” Soonyoung pipes up, giving you two thumbs ups. What a dork, but that was Soonyoung and you were used to it, at him acting like you hung the moon in the sky every time you did something that every other adult human could do. You give him a thumbs up back, and when he smiles get even bigger you think you should just run away from this whole thing.
“Then we could also buy some noodles and put everything together,” Jun says “I have a receipt that I think will work together with your veggies.”
“Great, we can cook together while Soonyoung grill the meat,” you say before you start walking by Jun’s side in a vain attempt to run away from Soonyoung.
Soonyoung acts like a kicked puppy.the whole trip to the market. Always behind you, sometimes you bump into him when you spin around looking for Jun to know if you should grab or not grab a pack of soft tofu or a pack of broccoli.
When you pick up onions or carrots, Soonyoung acts like it is the smartest thing ever, and your heart grows a little bit bigger - another pump of air. You think about how Soonyoung is still very much the same person he always was; caring and kind. Every time he assures you in a low voice like he is telling someone a secret - you can take both - he says to you when you ponder if you should buy a red or white wine, you don’t even know if other people enjoy wine but Soonyoung knows you do, and before you can think twice he grabs one bottle of each and put in the basket.
You think that this Soonyoung is the Soonyoung that you missed the most. Of course you missed the loud one, the life of the party, the one who among your friends would make his mission to get people tipsy and happy even though he can’t drink for shit. You miss the one that would make people stand up and sing and dance and every single one of your friends would get so shy while his friend would act like getting up in the middle of a bar or restaurant was not insane behavior. But this Soonyoug, the soft spoken Soonyoung - the one who would always give you assurance when you thought one of your articles was bad, the Soonyoung who always listened to you when you thought you should drop one investigation because your editor didn’t thought the piece was relevant enough, the one who when things were thought was serious and calm to listen to your every word and actually pay attention, you missed him the most, and you missed him the longest because that one vanished before you broke up.
“Stop,” you say in the lowest voice possible, bumping into him so he can give you space.
“What?” He asks - doing the exact opposite of your wishes, he drops his head even closer to you in an attempt to hear you.
“You are making it so clear that you are my ex,” You blurt out shoving Soonyong lightly, “Stop that it is supposed to be a secret.”
“I am not doing anything,” He deflected with a pout on his mouth, and it was kind of cute and you want to beat yourself up. How can you be down so bad for him? You need to get your mind straight to survive. You need at least a 5 meters distance from him.
“You are, go follow Jun,” you say, “or grab a snack or two, we are probably going to drink something”
“Ok, I can grab snacks,” Soonyoung beams, his smile back on his face, “I am great at snacks.”
“Sure you are.” You added.
You look at the camera man holding the camera a few meters away and you exhale.
Could you survive this? Could you survive 30 days of Soonyoung being back in your life? This was a dumb idea, you think while looking at the ice cream fridge, and of course it was a Sonyoung idea. You should’ve said no.
[EXCHANGE HOUSE][CAMERA 5, 7, 9]
“Why are you guys dressed up as powerpuff girls,” Soonyoung hears his ex speak up before he can ever see the other girls. Sometimes he thinks he has tunnel vision - his focus is on you, there is no space left for anyone else.
When he settles down the plastic bags on the kitchen counter and almost runs towards the living room, still a little bit weird, to have his ex right there and not be able to openly talk to her. The whole trip to the market was a torture - going to the market was something you always did with him when you were together. Soonyoung couldn’t cook to save his life so whenever you two would spend time together in his place you needed a market trip.
If Soonyoung tried hard enough you made him creamy garlic chicken pasta, his favorite. Even if you said you were already sick of eating it every week. You also made very good eggs for breakfast. Soonyoung misses those moments the most; the routine of waking up with you, he always waited for you to wake up, sometimes while you made a cup of coffee Soonyoung would run to the nearest baker and buy fresh bread.
“What?” The girl in the green tracksuit says making Soonyoung return to earth. She is setting the table and she looks so offended that he thinks she might drop a plate or two.
“Chan,” His ex called the guy that just arrived in the living room, how are you so good with names? How has Chan's name engraved in your brain already? Soonyoung almost forgot his own name today - not his ex's name though, that one he remembers, “look,” you say pointing at each one, a coy smile on her face, “Buttercup, Blossom and Bubbles.”
“Yeah, I can see it,” Chan says laughing way over too enthusiastically it wasn’t even that funny.
“Who will be the mojo jojo?” Blossom - of course the girl in red, Soonyoung understands it now, asks.
“I don't know but that leaves me as princess morbucks and I kind of hate it,” you complain, “yellow is so not my color.”
Soonyoung wants to say that you look great in yellow. That you look good in everything, that you never once looked bad in your life, but he thinks that that alone would be too much and everyone would know you are his ex, so he doesn’t say anything. He bites his own tongue - he really does and it hurts.
And if the market trip was bad, making dinner was even worse. Everything seemed awkward, you almost didn’t talk with him or Jun, thank god, but everytime you did Jun would giggle and Soonyoung thought about how that was the worst moment of his life - only second for the day of you breaking up. Jun seemed like a very shy and giggly guy, he was indeed charming, and Soonyoung hated that - he was never really a jealous guy but now here he is, freaking out because you are being nice to someone you just met.
Soonyoung thinks he is one step closer to losing his mind. Thirty days of this? He is definitely walking out of this house completely crazy. And what is even worse? Soonyoung told you three different times how he brought chicken breast, and not even once you talked about how you make a mean chicken pasta, and he has been craving that for months now. He once tried eating in a restaurant but didn’t hit the same spot.
“Can I ask you guys something?” Bubbles asks in a low voice, a cup of beer and soju in her hands. There is still a little bit of food on Soonyoung’s plate, mind you it is his second plate but he is just extremely hungry, new experiences makes him hungry. But almost everyone is finished, just munching on a few bites of meat that Soonyoung grilled - he is proud that he didn’t really burn half of it.
“Shoot,” Blossoms beams with a smile.
“Do you guys,” Bubbles starts, she sips on her drink again and he can’t blame her for relying on liquid courage. “Do you guys still have feelings for your ex or that would be weird?”
“I do,” Soonyoung says and you almost get a whiplash, the way that those words leave his mouth is so confident, so sure of his own feelings that make your head spin, “I don’t think it is weird, I mean it depends how it ended, how long was your relationship, how was your relationship,” he finishes with a shrug.
“Wouldn’t that make everything even worse?” Jun pipes up, he says not looking at anyone in particular, looking a little lost on his own feelings. Soonyoung thinks that is the booze, maybe Jun is a worse drinker than him, maybe Soonyoung wins this round. Take that Wen Junhui, Soonyoung 1, Wen Junhui 0.
“I agree with him,” you say pointing at Jun. What the fuck? Is it a tie now?
And you do in fact agree with him. Even since you stepped foot in this house and saw Soonyoung for the first time you wished you were completely over him, but apparently your heart didn’t receive the memo. Because here you were, your heart skipping a beat like a teenager everytime Soonyoung even looked at you.
“Why?” Bubbles ask you, her eyes are so big and so focused that you stutter a bit. She seems truly curious about your opinions and the way your brain was wired, even though she didn’t really seem curious about Jun.
“I just,” You stop to think a little, Soonyoung eyes are glued on you, and now you are the one who needs liquid courage but your glass is empty, “I will have to help the other girls date my ex right?” You added while looking for another beer, “that alone would be even worse if I still had feelings for my ex right?”
“I agree,” Chan says, “but i think that will be weird even if you don’t have feelings for your ex too like it is something it is weird to share in any type of situation.”
“I am the only one then?” Soonyoung asks laughing, he eats another bite of Junhui's noodles and your veggies, and drinks a gulp of his coke. He is a terrible drinker and he won’t cry on the first night.
“I don’t think you are,” Minghao starts, “but I think there are different levels to it, I am not completely over my ex either but I don’t think we should get back together so like, 70% over?”
“I am a hundred percent,” Buttercup says and you start laughing because she is so blunt, “no guys seriously,” she fusses around, “my ex is great, but I think before we broke up we already knew we were over?” She babbled again while someone pressed a cold glass on your arm. When you look at Jun giving you another glass full of beer. “Like, we are friends now and we are cool but 100% over.”
“But even if you are totally over it, being in the same house doesn't shake you up?” Blossoms asks, “because I was like that and being here and sharing this space is fucking me up.”
“Not in my case, no,” Buttercup answers, “what about you?” she says asking you
“Me?” You want to say you are over, you want to say you no longer have feelings for you ex, and you want to be cool and collected like the others, but the way Soonyoung eyes tingles when he looks at you makes you feel like you are a lonely balloon, some kid is hold you down by a flimsy thread, shaking when the wind blows; “I have no idea what I feel right now, I am all over the place.” You groan before drinking from the glass Jun handed to you.
“Ok, not over your ex then,” Buttercup says and makes the whole group laugh but Soonyoung giggles is the only one that rings in your ear.
“You are not the only one you can chill,” Minghao says to Soonyoung and Soonyoung laughs again.
“Thanks god,” Soonyoung cackled, “Imagine being the only one here who still has feelings, but I still think you guys are the weird ones.”
And it is your time to laugh. The group keeps going around asking questions, sometimes it fades to an awkward silence and Soonyoung is the one who speaks up about something completely random to make the group laugh. You guys can’t really talk about much, you can’t talk about your age, or your jobs, or your ex and how long you dated.
Your relationship with Soonyoung was not exceptional in any way. When you look back, even in the end, it was not out of this world. It was an extremely common relationship. Soonyoung was a great boyfriend but that wasn’t enough, and like every relationship ended badly, of course it did. How could it not? You know you broke up because of circumstances - back then Soonyoung was traveling every week working on a tour, his work hours were always unusual; a rehearsal starting at eight or a stage check at ten. It didn’t help that you, as well, had an insane routine, especially when it was election time. Sometimes you wish you covered fashion for a magazine and not national and international politics for one of the biggest TV channels of the country.
In the end, you and Soonyoung ended your relationship because you were too similar. Your commitment to work before anything else matched his work ethics.
You didn’t break up with Soonyoung because he was an asshole, you think that in this situation dealing with a horrible ex boyfriend would be easier; there would be no desire to try again, there would be no heart skipping a beat when Soonyoung says he still feel something for you.
When you look back at your relationship with Soonyoung you think about how it ended before you broke up, before you two come to terms that it wouldn’t work. It ended when you two were so caught up in your life you couldn’t make space for one another, and that, that alone breaks your heart. You didn’t break up because you fell out of love, you broke up because you were no longer a couple, you two no longer able to take care of each other, no longer having the energy to do so.
And that - to you sounds even worse.
“Should we share the rooms?” Minghao’s voice brings you back to reality.
“Rock, paper, scissors and the winner choose first?” Blossom questions.
“Sure.”
[EXCHANGE HOUSE][CAMERA 4, 8]
The second night in the house is somewhat the same as the first one.
Soonyoung doesn’t cook and neither do you, so you guys spend the night just talking with the other people around the table drinking. You sing a little bit, completely out of tune and your rhythm is so bad that it makes everyone laugh. and god, Soonyoung misses you so much he can feel like a physical pain - an ache in his bones, making him feel heavier than he should.
Soonyoung is laughing when he hears the doorbell rings, and everyone is startled by it.
See, the thing is - Soonyoung is not a religious man. He prayed once in a while but as he wasn’t a daily customer he thinks God was very much caught up in other people's problems, those who were more of an habitual client than Soonyoung who prays once in every six months when something goes terribly wrong in his life. But when Minghao lays all the little pics on the table after reading the cue card about the guys choosing the dates Soonyoung knows he is in for a win. If poker was that easy he would be rich.
He knows very well that the wall with a duck neon sign is your favorite coffee, the place that you two used to go to almost every day.
“How do we do this?” Soonyoung asks, all the guys look a little fascinated by the pictures while the girls look like they are about to have a heart attack.
“Do you already have your pick in mind?” Lee Chan questions him astonished.
“Of course,” Soonyoung says proudly, all eyes are on him, and before he knows he is already bending over the table and sticking his hand out, “Can I just pick or?”
“Which one?” Minghao asks, eyes fixed on Soonyoung’s hand. And the tension is so high and Soonyoung kind of loves it, it reminds him of those few minutes before entering on a stage, “What if someone else wants your picture?”
“The duck one,” Soonyoung remarked plainly because he doesn’t really see a reason to lie, “It is cute”
“Me too,” Junhui says and Soonyoung can feel the muscle of his neck almost snap, the aftermath of a whiplash. He blinks looking at the guy in the eyes and at that moment he wants to kill Junhui, he really wants to - kill his own fucking roomate in a tv show, “Let’s do rock paper scissors”
“I said first though” Soonyoung complained and it is childish but he doesn’t really care. If it is to get his way he will probably be even more childish.
“Yeah but you could pick that one if nobody wanted it,” Junhui nagged, almost matching Soonyoung in the childish level. And Soonyoung hates it, most people didn’t tried to go down on Soonyoung’s level. He is not used to someone going so low.
“Can you guys just do rock paper scissors already? It is stressing me out,” Buttercup says by your side, she is already running her nails.
“Ok, let’s go,” Soonyoung says calling Junhui onto the battlefield, he is already warming up his wrist, this is a war and he will bring up his heaviest gunnery.
And Soonyoung isn’t the number one believer, and he doubts God or Jesus or even an angel will listen to him, but yet, he prays for a second or two. And when people say three Soonyoung thinks he hears the angel’s voice singing hallelujah when he sees that Jun threw scissors against his rock.
Soonyoung wins, and he almost screams. Getting up and lifting his hand like it is a gift to beat Junhui on rock papers and scissors, he is almost vibrating - happiness filling his whole body. He looks at his own hand, the neon duck pic between his fingers, his most prized possession.
“Are you that happy?” You ask him, “that’s kinda suspicious Soonyoung.”
“Yeah,” he says, finally back in reality and sitting down after picking up the picture with the little neon duck in it, “the duck is cute there is nothing suspicious.”
“Wow,” Bubbles says laughing, “he totally chose his ex.”
“He did, didn't he?” Minghao pipes up, “thank god it will be in secret.”
[INTERVIEW ROOM][CAMERA 1]
“Why did you choose the picture with the duck?” Is the first thing the producers after the girl with the slate get off the frame.
Soonyoung feels more at ease now. He knows how it works - stare at the camera, answer the question with more than a yes or no, and let the people doing the heavy lifting in the editing room. Even though the producer is staring at him with a scowl he is somewhat used to it too, she is always like that. Even back in the interviews prior to the house, she always looked like a step away from a mental breakdown.
At some point Soonyoung just accepted that being angry and stressed may be part of her nature, some people are worriers, and he is sure that 80% of the time she is not really angry with him, so he just live his life diligently shooting her program without caring too much about it.
“Oh,” Soonyoung giggles at her bluntness, he really thinks it is funny enough to clap his hand and all that, “I knew it was my ex picture,” he says in a voice full of pride, “thank God I was super lucky, Junhui was like I want that too but-” he lifts his hand, “I really think I was blessed.”
“But why?” The producer tries again, she crosses her legs and writes something in her notebook, “We know you choose because she is your ex and you knew that it was her picture, but why”
“Ah, I think,” Soonyoung takes a pause to think about it - he really didn’t even think about why, it just felt right. “It is the first date right? So I guess it's just me trying to shoot my shot earlier on and making things clear.”
“Cut,” The producer says louder, “They are gonna be the first couple,” She says to her assistant, “there is no way we can go around without making it clear they are a couple, the editor rooms are not doing magic or miracles yet.”
#kwon soonyoung fic#kwon soonyoung fanfic#hoshi fic#hoshi fanfic#seventeen fanfic#t: seventeen#t: kwon soonyoung#t: writing#t: exchange series#t: exchange s01ep01
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⋆⭒˚｡⋆🪐 Introduction post
⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ hey lovelies <33 ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆
ੈ✩‧˚ I finally made one after combatting procrastination like the valiant warrior I am *bows dramatically* anyways lol
ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ hi! I’m ari :))
ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ I’m a sagittarius, intp, and idk exactly which marauder I kin but I’m pretty jegulus core (like somehow both of them at the same time irdk how to explain it lmaoo)
(I also have a little poetry side blog which is (@the-wisteria-cascades)
ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚(basic dni criteria applies so if you’re spreading any kind of hate but otherwise I’d love to get to know you 🫶😌✨)
(I will overuse those emojis everywhere btw lol)
₊˚⊹♡ Hobbies : I love reading, writing, occasionally swimming, anything to do with poetry, and overanalyzing literally everything, and occasionally drawing as well (I’d say journaling too but I lack consistency 😭)
₊˚⊹♡ Books: percy jackson, hp (though if I do post it’s mostly about the marauders separating the art from the artist and all that) the book thief, tsoa, the seven husbands of evelyn hugo, aaddtsotu, the burning kingdoms, the hunger games, the inheritance games, the priory of the orange tree, tbosas, red white and royal blue, heroes of olympus, trials of apollo, gone girl, agggtm, one of us is lying, and probably more that I can’t currently remember (book recs are welcome btw bonus points if they’re sapphic 💗)
｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ Shows + Movies : stranger things, young royals, heartstopper, pjo, dickinson are currently the main shows I follow though I adore animated films as well as some animated shows (carmen sandiego and tangled the series) and I’ll probably start some more after exams :)
｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ Music : taylor swift (evermore and reputation girl through and through) zolita, conan grey, girli, cavetown, arctic monkeys, hozier, renee rapp, camila cabello, troye sivan, alec benjamin, occasionally lana del ray, paramore, chappell roan, beth mccarthy, queen, ABBA, olivia rodrigo, sabrina carpenter, fletcher, girl in red, haley kiyoko
｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ Lovely moots (just tagging the ones I’ve interacted with because I’m kinda shy to do all of you so please do let me know if you want to be tagged or removed)
@daydream-of-a-wallflower @silence-between-seconds @good-old-fashioned-lover @stars-over-ice-cream @sweetronancer @jaaklops @awrldalonee @harp-bo-barp @astreinomane @ronance4life42 @moonlightt444 @good-oldfashioned-lover-girl @lilydoeswrite @lost-in-reveriie @annotated-catastrophe @commit-arson-immediately @sleepinginmygrave @bylersrise @half-a-heart-without-you @urbanflorals (+ all my other byler moots I love but am terrified of tagging )
(I definitely didn’t tag everyone here but I love all of you guys so much ahhhh 🫶)
I hope everyone is having a lovely day and taking care of themselves
<33
(pictures are from pinterest and dividers by @saradika-graphics)
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Thick Skull Never Did Nothing For Me
Jackson Era!Joel Miller x F!Reader
Main Masterlist | Joel Miller Masterlist
Author’s note: This is inspired by Thick Skull, the Paramore song, but specifically the Julien Baker version 🤘
Summary: You’re living in Jackson, Wyoming and on a downward spiral of going from one broken man to another. Until you meet Joel Miller, perhaps the one most broken of all.
Word count: 700
Warnings: reader is able-bodied, angst, no age gap, reader’s got a bad case of savior complex, drinking, sad ending, no use of y/n
A magnet for broken people. That’s all you’ll ever be it seems. It’s an endless cycle; picking up the pieces, getting your heads bloodied in the process, making them “whole” again, and then getting blamed for the damage in the first place.
Here in Jackson, you’re known as the woman who runs through men like wildfire, taking advantage of men who are already doing bad as it is and leaving them worse than they were before. It’s not true, of course. Just the rumor mill doing what it does. If anything you’re left worse than you were better, not them.
Flashback to when Joel Miller moved to town, all the women of Jackson wanted him, in a competition of who can get to him first. But you did. Of course you did. It’s not your fault that you happen to be the best listener; a sponge absorbing everyone’s emotional baggage. One might think that after the relationship ends all of their trauma, their problems, their shit leaves you. Couldn’t be farther from the truth. It just weighs down on you heavier and heavier until it feels like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Well really, the weight of Jackson on your shoulders.
Maria had warned you about him. She warned you that his emotional baggage was too much, even for you. You just told yourself you liked a challenge. And now months later you’re kicking yourself for thinking that way in the first place.
It’s easy to fall for Joel. Who wouldn’t? Salt and pepper hair, warm brown eyes and a southern twang in his voice. Not to mention trauma that makes someone’s savior complex practically vibrate. Where someone sees a person, you see a challenge.
Six months after he moved in you were already walking around with your arm on his, leaving the Tipsy Bison together and being followed by burning, jealous stares. Can’t forget the whispers, too.
“What’s the body count up to now?” Angela says, the bitterness in her voice palpable.
You open your mouth to snap back at her but Joel pulls you out of there and into the street.
“Don’t listen to her,” he says gruffly.
“Let me go,” you argue back, trying to wiggle yourself free from his grip.
“No use in arguing.”
He drags you back to his place. And maybe it’s the alcohol, or the stares, or Angela’s comment or- Actually it’s a combination of all three.
He sits you down on his couch, taking his place beside you and grabbing your hands.
“Now why are you crying?” he says softly.
“I’m a fuck up, Joel,” you sob.
“Nobody is calling you that.”
“But that’s how I feel. I bounce from one broken person to the next, thinking I can fix them. When in reality I just hurt myself in the process.”
His brow furrows like he’s angry or doesn’t agree with you but he doesn’t say anything, letting you continue.
“And then by the end I’m just the laughing stock of town,” you finish, resting your head in your hands.
“Is that all I am to you? Some sort of fixer upper project?”
“What?! No!” you say, your head popping up and looking at him in shock.
“You know, I heard the rumors about you when I moved here. And I chose not to believe them,” he says softly, a defeated edge in his voice.
“And I love you for that,” you respond, pulling your legs up onto the couch and turning towards him, grabbing his hands.
“I think… I think you need to be on your own for once,” he continues, his eyes not meeting yours.
“Joel, please,” you softly cry, fearing the end is near.
“I’m sorry, but it’s for your own good.”
That was four months ago. If anything you’re both worse off than when you first met. Joel is a shell of the person he used to be and everyone blames you. But only you know the demons he was facing and sure, maybe you didn’t exactly help his situation but you surely didn’t make it worse. You’re walking around on autopilot, the pain getting easier but still not ever being fully used to it. You’re hit over the head again with the same lesson, caught red handed. Joel is painted as your poor victim and you’re painted as the villain who never learns her lesson. Thick skull never did nothing for you.
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#joel miller x reader#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller angst#joel miller one shot#joel miller#the last of us#the last of us fanfiction
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pls do music tastes for stardew valley bachelors🙏🙏
- someone you definitely don't know
Before we begin I want everyone to know I did see the requests for other fics/hcs and I’m working on them but it has been a little hard cuz of exams 😭 will have them finished as soon is I can
I love shartstew valley omg 😻😻
I definitely don’t know you or anything 😻💪
May I introduce to you all
STARDEW VALLEY BACHELORS MUSIC TASTE HEADCANONS
Characters: Alex, Elliott, Harvey, Sam, Sebastian, Shane
Warnings: cringe
Alex
Modern music
Not Harry styles or anything I think he would hate him
He probably listens to imagine dragons and rap music
He secretly listens to country music
His favorite songs are believer by imagine dragons and high hopes by panic! At the disco
He probably listens to pierce the veil secretly tbh
Emo music is his guilty pleasure
He listens to Eminem while he works out
He also probably doesn’t listen to music very often
Elliott
So obvious but classical music
Like if it has piano or violin he loves it
He also listens to opera
Like he won’t watch it but he likes hearing the voices
He has his music going when he’s writing or he’ll have it playing quietly while he does stuff in his shack
His guilty pleasure is EDM music
He swears he hates it and insists he’s a man of culture
But he does listen to EDM
Not very often tho
Harvey
I like to think he doesn’t really listen to music that often
But if he were to I think he would like smooth jazz
He has it playing quietly in his little hospital sometimes along with the elevator music that’s probably playing
He also listens to 80s rock music
Not very often tho
Usually just when combing his moustache or reading
Not really music but he also likes to listen to ocean noises
Usually only when he REALLY can’t sleep
Which isn’t very often
Sam
Rock music
Of course
He also probably listens to whatever music his own band makes
His favorite artists/bands are måneskin, Paramore, Ozzy Osbourne, and Metallica
He also listens to ABBA
His all time favorite song is dancing queen
He secretly listens to KPOP
Specifically the girl groups
But he totally fanboys over Felix from SKZ
Same
It’s not really a secret because I can guarantee Sebastian knows
He also tries singing along but he doesn’t know Korean so he just says gibberish and hopes it’s close
He also likes listening to whatever openings are from his favorite shows lol
Sebastian
My one true love
Listens to emo music duh
Jk he likes metal, rock, and nu metal
His favorite bands are being me the horizon, Pierce the veil, motionless in white, evanescence, and asking Alexandria
His favorite Song is dark passenger by motionless in white
He is not open to new music
He’s the typa guy to go “come on turn on something good instead of this trash” when you’re listening to anything that’s not within his music taste
He insists his music taste is better than everyone else’s
He doesn’t say it out loud, but when he sees someone in public wearing merch from one of the bands he likes, he really wants to ask them to name 3 songs
I still love him tbh
Late night K-POP karaoke with Sam
Shane
He listens to SoundCloud rappers
He doesn’t make any but he kinda wants to
His favorite band is Green day
His favorite song is Superman by Eminem
I feel like he would put in headphones on the way to work every morning and listen to music
Aside from that I don’t really feel like he listens to music that often
His guilty pleasure is country music
Claims it’s the worst thing he ever heard but secretly shazams any songs
Probably sits in silence with his own thoughts most of the time
Okay that’s it lmk if y’all want the bachelorettes lololol
I hope you enjoy person i definitely don’t know
#fluff#headcanons#stardew valley#alex x Reader#Elliott x reader#Harvey x reader#Sam x reader#Sebastian x reader#Shane x reader#alex fluff#Elliott fluff#Harvey fluff#Sam fluff#Sebastian fluff#Shane fluff#sdv alex#sdv Elliott#sdv Harvey#sdv Sam#sdv sebastian#sdv Shane#sdv Headcanons#sdv hcs#stardew valley headcanons#music#music Headcanons#scp230kinnie
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⚔️👒 Zolu Playlist 👒⚔️
28 songs
Full tracklist, selected lyrics, n writeup below cut
(Contains: The Happy Fits, PUFFY, Illuminati Hotties, Paramore, The Shins, The Orion Experience, Best Coast, Utada Hikaru, etc)
(+a couple songs absorbed from ao's zolu playlist)
1. The Shins - Simple Song
Mixed POV, Zoro being recruited by Luffy.
...
You sure must be strong
And you feel like an ocean being warmed by the Sun
//
My life in an upturned boat
Marooned on a cliff
You brought me a great big flood
And you gave me a lift
//
I know that things can really get rough
When you go it alone
Don't go thinking you gotta be tough
To bleed like a stone
Could be there's nothing else in our lives so critical
As this little hole?
2. Slow Pulp - Cramps
Zoro POV, vibing with being a pirate, actually. realizing he's a lot like Luffy / they have a lot in common. Wants to protect his crew. Part of a family now. But also specifically drawn to Luffy, drawn along with Luffy. Has a nice confident, grungy, fighty vibe.
...
Be a better lover, I know that I'm a runner
Oh no, I think I've become her
There's nothing better than being the protector
Out of a routine, the only one I've ever seen
I wanna be a foolproof machine
There's nothing better, wanna be like Heather
I'll take anything
That you wanna give
But I want everything
Everything
3. PUFFY - Friends Forever
Mixed POV, perfectly in sync. friends forever. big adventuring vibe. facing the world together. slight nod to whiskey peak.
sidenote: it's really annoying to find this song on youtube without scooby doo noises playing over it (official music videos my beloathed...)
the "pokemon and their trainers" (...gijinkas) video is the best one for my region at least.
...
Just when I thought I had to make it alone
You were right there by my side
Making a stand holding my hand the way you do
There to remind me of a "me and you"
When I'm with you all my fear disappears
Like if I reach, I touch the sky
You've got my back, pick up my slack when I can't see
But nothing picks me up like knowing we'll be
Friends forever
Face whatever
Friends forever
Yay! we're never gonna be apart
You and me, we are so oddly the same
The way we think, the way we play
Right from the start, so off the charts, about this thing
But we didn't know at first that we were making
Friends forever
Bound together
Friends forever
Yeah! We'll always be there
Oh yes, there also can be times that get rough
And all that can be said is "sorry"
That we were wrong and said some meaningless stuff
And we'll go on together, through any nasty weather
Yeah
4. Illuminati Hotties - Sandwich Sharer
Luffy POV - flippant & happy vibe. but also visceral, grungy, fighty. kissing. sharing food. "you thought i was bleeding but that's just my spit!!".
...
Restarted kissing
You said "I'm dreaming"
I couldn't stop from laughing
Cause it's the realest thing I ever did
Taking our clothes off
Painting on rooftops
Sit back on shingles in the shade,
I bare my teeth at future fake outs we had coming
Drooling tomato sauce, to make it look legit
You thought i was bleeding but that's just my spit
Sandwich sharer
Unprepared for
What comes after this
Take the big half
I will bite back
What you won't finish
Until we're finished
5. The Happy Fits - Sailing
Zoro POV oops catching feelings for a friend
...
My body's achin'
My ship's left the shore
Your eyes are waiting
My knees on the floor
And it's been so long
Since I had a friend
And it's been so long
Why can't we just pretend?
And I feel your laughter
Your warm, open stare
And I'm chasing after
Somethin' that isn't there
6. The Pillow Queens - Favourite
idk just vibes "tell me i'm your favorite" + "i'm being so normal"
...
i’ve got no reason to be feeling like you’re mine
for the next four seasons let it die, let it die
i can’t help hoping that you think i’m really nice
want some brief hand holding on the sly, on the sly
hey you can say it, i’m your favourite
hey you can say it, i’m your favourite
7. The Beths - Warm Blood
Luffy POV - Zoro is warm and good feelings. Not "you make me feel protected", but "you are a raincoat". Feels very Luffy. "you really get me"
...
Nothing makes me feel like this
Nothing makes me feel like this
Nothing but you
Nothing but you
My head is hanging from the roof
I'm floating all about the room
Because of you
Because of you
I wanna bask in the rays of the way I feel right now
(Ooh oooh)
I wanna bask in the rays of the way I feel right now
(Ooh warming up my blood)
You are a raincoat, you are a zeppelin flight
You are a bonfire burning a three dog night
You are an isle of calm on a stormy sea
You really get, you really get
You really get me
I wanna be here when you call
Pick up the phone and I would fall in love with you
In love with you
8. MONKEY MAJIK - Around the World
Mixed POV. During timeskip. Counting down the days until we can see eachother again. We'll change the world, make it better, we're training to make that happen.
sidenote: the mixed eng/jpn version of this song is my favorite and the one i'm referring to here
...
Every night I look to the skies And wonder what we did
Always a naive point of view that breaks us in the end
If I could find the meaning of it all I’d take the chance
Maybe in time We’ll walk the mile and change it if we can
It’s now and always (How did we get this far,did we get this far now)
Always (We’re making a brand new start, just a brand new start now)
Always (Nothing will hold me down, never hold me down now)
Always (Wave goodbye to me!)
Around the world
新しいことに(with the power to)
Around the world
踏み出す力で(step forward to something new)
Around the world
世界は変わる(I'll change the world)
But don’t run away ’cause if it’s not OK!
I’ll change that world
Into something better honey!
9. Natalie Holmes - Hideout
Zoro POV, Luffy brings light to all those around him, reawakens ppls dreams and leads his crew in to a beautiful inspiring new life :')
...
Under the stars, out in the elements
If there's no room, there are no elephants
When you speak the waves are radiant
You've got a face that softens every muscle in my body
I’ve never needed all these things to feel whole
Something familiar in the love that you provide
(And now) I’ve got an empty hideout cause I don't need to hide now
The wind can blow out the candle, cause I'm certain I can't fall
You've got a face that softens
All of the glass I’ve trodden
Now I’ve got an empty hideout
I don’t need to hide now I don’t need to
Something in your love makes everything light up
We don’t say a word although we want to
Your heart was on the line now suddenly it’s mine
There’s something in your love
Something in your love
Something in your love, in you love
10. Daft Punk - Digital Love
just vibes. dreaming. dancing together. having fun.
...
Last night I had a dream about you
In this dream I'm dancing right beside you
And it looked like everyone was having fun
The kind of feeling I've waited so long
Don't stop, come a little closer
As we jam the rhythm gets stronger
There's nothing wrong with just a little little fun
We were dancing all night long
The time is right to put my arms around you
You're feeling right, you wrap your arms around too
But suddenly I feel the shining sun
Before I knew it this dream was all gone
Ooh, I don't know what to do
About this dream and you
I wish this dream comes true
Ooh, I don't know what to do
About this dream and you
We'll make this dream come true
Why don't you play the game?
Why don't you play the game?
11. Mitski - Stay Soft
Mostly just like the bridge "open up your heart like the gates of helllll". But feels more like Zoro POV (thirsty). And touches a little the communication issues these two have
...
Fury, pure and silver
You grip it tight inside
Like a knife, it glints in your eye
It's why I've arrived, your sex god
Here to take you where
You need to go, to where the dark remembers you
Open up your heart
Like the gates of Hell
//
I am facedown on my bed
Still not quite awake yet
Thinking of you, I tuck my hand under my weight
Just tell me what you want to do
Tell me what you want to burn away
'Cause I could be your stoker
12. Air Traffic Controller - You Know Me
Mixed POV. You know me! Perfectly in tune.
...
You know me
You know everything about me now
My heart is in your hands, and you know you could break it
But wouldn't you rather make me sing like this?
You know me
I try to find some good in everything
Since you came along, somehow this got easy
'Cause all you wanna do is please me, my love
This could be a roller coaster
But we're gonna make the most of it
Whether on top, or we're going down, you know me
You know me (I know you)
And how I get when I'm uncomfortable
If I'm too hot, or cold
Tired, bored, or hungry
I'm fine when you're around me, boy
And you know me
I've never been on time for anything
I do apologize, I know it's such a bother
I promise to try harder for you, girl, oh I will
13. The Orion Experience - Honeysuckle Kisses
Luffy POV. Desires filed away in a very Luffy way "All I want is all my wishes, and I've love to have your honeysuckle kisses". Romance as an afterthought to the great big adventure.
...
They say we're crazy, completely insane
I don't give a damn, I think we're fascinating
We keep it moving and riding this train
They can stop and stare
But I don't care
Oh, they just can't see who we are
You and I, yeah
We belong to the stars
No matter how they try
They won't tear us apart
All I want is all my wishes
And I'd love to have your honeysuckle kisses
All I need to fulfill my bliss is
Is your honeysuckle, honeysuckle kisses
That's what I want
14. The Happy Fits - Around and Around
Zoro POV, Pre-relationship, unsure about what's happening due to poor communication. Things are coming to a boiling point. And also "I could see the world with you" - be by your side forever, go on adventures. Do you want that? Do I? Will you have me?
...
I don't know what I'm seeing,
when the world keeps spinning around my eyes
I think I lost my meaning
Just another day to survive
And I can't keep thinking about it, keep thinking about it
Can't be still anymore
No, there's nothing so simple about it, nothing simple about it
Can't be still anymore
I can't be still anymore
I can't be still anymore
I'll go 'round and around
Go 'round and around with you
No, don't slow me down
No, don't slow me down, will you?
And I could see the world with you
And I could see the world with you
15. Paramore - Proof
Mixed POV, during timeskip. They're apart. Missing eachother. Believe in you, ride or die. So strong! They'll meet up again, even stronger than before.
...
It's really hard
I can't cry in your arms 'cause you're not here
It's not your fault, and if it was, I wouldn't care
My heart is bigger than the distance in between us
I know it 'cause I feel it beating
So strong, it'll knock you down
So strong, so strong
Over here
I can count the miles away from where I wanna be
I bet your skin is warm and that you're smiling
Yeah, that's what I always loved the most about you
So strong, come and knock me down
Hey!
Baby, if I'm half the man I say I am
If I'm a woman with no fear just like I claim I am
Then I'll believe in what you say
There's nothing left for you to do
The only proof that I need is you
16. Utada Hikaru - Chikai
(aka zolu "wedding" song. Primarily Zoro POV, making oaths, matching rings, liking someone so much it makes you feel uncool, waaaaaaauughhhhghgh😭)
...
I don’t know about fate
But this time
I have to accept that it exists
//
Today is a day without lies
It's a perfect day for making an eternal vow
Don't need pretty flowers or witnesses
Let’s wear rings of the same color
//
What I say now isn't borrowed words
It’s not a promise, it’s an oath
I can’t go back to being a liar
Let’s wear rings the color of the morning sun
Let’s dance with our hearts pounding
Let’s celebrate being alive in this moment
//
Kiss me once, kiss me twice
Give yourself to me
Let’s listen to sound of the sun rising, side by side
Let’s swear to live our lives together
17. Best Coast - When I'm with You
Mixed POV
...
The world is lazy
But you and me
We're just crazy
So, when I'm with you, I have fun
Yeah, when I'm with you, I have fun
//
I hate sleeping alone
18. Gerard Way - No Shows
Pre-relationship. Not wanting to be tied down, but also being drawn in to it anyway, idk.
...
Been weeks I been living
And your smiles are giving me
All types of treble
Weak knees I been given
And those nights are making me
Star-struck and metal
Stay free, don't go
'Cause we don't need no
Try to be living as your vice
And can you be my type?
'Cause we need to be given a good life
And can I be your type of metal?
Stay free, don't go
'Cause we don't need no shows
19. VUKOVI - Colour Me In
Mixed POV - Follow you anywhere, die for you, we're one together (you're mine you're mine you're mine!)
...
All I am
And even more
I'll give it to you
Couldn't count
All the ways
That I'd die for you
We are one
We are whole
And I'll go with you
Breathing out, breathing in
And I loved you again
//
Where you go, oh, I'll follow
Through our bodies in the dark
We want it and it's perfect
With you in my arms
Where you go, oh, I'll follow
Through our bodies in the dark
You're mine
You're mine
You're mine
Mine
20. Opus Orange - It's What I Do
Mixed POV - just vibes. I feel like it describes them but can't explain it
...
every time you look for me you know
i think i might disappear
every time i look for you i know
the bright lights interfere
‘cause i’m not the kind that’s so easy to find
when you’re looking for me
you’re not the kind with the salt water eyes
at the bottom of the sea
so take my hand
we are the blind leading the blind
no i don’t have a plan
so let’s go where the sea meets the sky
now we're gonna float away
everything i want to say to you
gets washed away downstream
everything i want to give to you
is a shade of blue or green
i’m not the kind to draw straight lines
in the desert sand
you’re not the kind with peace of mind
and a gun in your hand
21. Illuminati Hotties - Toasting
Primarily Luffy POV. Just vibes. Short and sweet, flippant and reckless. They cause descruction and just laugh it off, and move on.
...
Toasting a Pop-Tart
And thinking of you
There's a lot I'd rather do
Instead I'm biting my lip
And I'm biting yours too
'Til the blood tastes like chocolate goo
Our bodies
Are twirling
The kitchen is burning
When we both choke down the ashes
You mention you're bored
I guess I could've toasted more
22. The Happy Fits - Sweet Things
Mixed POV after the end of their journey, pirate king and worlds greatests swordsman continue sailing together forever
...
So tell me three things, three words that you know about me
I'll say, I'll say "won't you come with me, baby?"
Nothing lasts forever
It's only now or never
Tell me sweet things, sweet things that you know about me
I'll say, I'll say "won't you bury me, baby?
Underneath our loving forever"
Don't you take me, take me all the way and then erase me
I could be the one if you stay here
Underneath our loving forever
So take me home
Well you say that nothing matters
Well you said that nothing mattered except when I'm here with you
Does it feel right? (Does it feel right?)
23. The Black Keys - Go
Narrator POV - The two boys growing old sailing together
...
There comes a time, two hearts of gold
Leave together, run forever on the open road
They gotta go oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
They gotta go oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
In the winter time, when the day is long
You're halfway there, the field is bare
And the fire is gone
Are you all alone? Are you feeling cold?
Find your flame, call her name, and hit the road
24. PUFFY - Love so Pure
Mixed POV - love so sure. two people perfectly suited for eachother from the start. mutual trust. soulmates. :)
...
I was his from the momentthe we first met
From our solo to duet, it took no time
Call it fate
Or just two hearts magnetized
But I never felt so high
Since he's been all mine
We've got a love so pure, yes a love so sure
The kind of love you hold so tight
We've got a love so pure, yes a
Love so sure
The kind of love that lasts a girl for life!
With a kiss
I can't resist on turn away
All I want is him to stay, it's paradise
With out a word
Nothing heard me say so much
With a look or silent touch
I know we'll bе all right
25. Tegan and Sara - BWU
Mixed POV - don't need to follow conventions to prove their love.
...
I love you
I don't need a ring to
Prove that you're worthy
You're under my skin
It's easy
I don't need a lock to
Prove that you trust me
I walk the walk
To be with you
Just to be with you
Oh, to be with you
Just to be with you
Save your first and last dance for me
I don't need a white wedding
Save your first and last born for me
We don't need a white wedding
All the girls I loved before
Told me they signed up for more
Save your first and last chance for me
'Cause I don't want a white wedding
26. IRONTOM - Partners
Just what it says on the tin. They're partners. lol
...
Partners, we're partners
We're partners, we're partners
27. Ashley Eriksson - Arguably
Mixed POV - idk, vibes
...
Sometimes I wish I was talkin' to you
'Cause you know everybody that I do
You would hear my story, and you would agree
We are always right on, you and me
And you can always count on my company
On and on and on, endlessly
We're all loving creatures of the same decree
But we've got one up on them don't we?
Don't we?
Arguably, don't we?
28. Animal Collective - The Purple Bottle
Luffy POV. Frantic. Explosive big feelings. Can't stop talking --about Zoro to other people, and to Zoro about anything (sometimes i'm talkitive and you're not talkitive, I know...). And idk, the vibes. "purple" as a metaphor for sensuality, feels playful and lovely. But the end of this song really drags on so it's at the end of the playlist lol.
...
I've gotta big big big heart beat, yeah!
I think you are the sweetest thing
I wear a coat of feelings and they are loud
I've been having good days
Think we are the right age to start our own peculiar ways?
With good friendly homes
//
Sometimes you're quiet and sometimes I'm quiet,
(Hallelujah!)
Sometimes I'm talkative and sometimes you're not talkative, I know
//
And my dear dear dear Khalana
I talk too much about you
Their ears are getting tired of me singing all the night through
Lets just talk together
You and me and me and you
And if there's nothing much to say
Well, silence is a bore.
//
Can I tell you that you are the purple in me?
Can I call you just to hear you would you care?
When I saw you put your purple finger on me
There's a feeling in your bottle
Found your bottle, found your heart
Gives a feeling from your bottled little part
------
Aaaand that's all of it!
Thanks for reading :)
#zolu#luzo#playist#was able to finish formatting this quicker than expected#woooo#again not sequential or like only vaguely sequential at times#songs just kinda placed in to make it a pleasant-ish listening experience#obsessed obsessed w chikai#anyway i refuse to use spotify so my apologies
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Being Nekoma’s Emo Manager
Nekoma x Fem! Manager (she/her pronouns)
Warnings: probably swearing 🤷🏻♀️ idk if that’s even a warning
AN: this is an anon request! I realized I had it labeled from Spooky Anon but it wasn’t signed from Spooky anon 😅 so idk who it’s from.
*aggressively hits G note on piano and stares into your soul*
If you unaware of the song that made an entire generation, please google it
Also I will not argue this point because I have both age and vintage Emo on my side 😌
Now for a mini history lesson, the Emo I’m going to be referring to today was popular from the late 90s to late 2000s and into the 2010s
This means heavy black eyeliner, hair that defied gravity, neckties being used as anything but neckties
Black with hints of accent colors such as, but not limited too, pinks, orange, white, etc.
The days when TRL and MTV were the way to “stream” new music and hot topic was the source of all band t-shirts
Now that I’ve covered a small history lesson, let’s strap in shall we!
So get your check board belts and fingerless gloves ready kids!
Because it’s time to get EMOtional 😂
N E Ways- let’s just say, you classified yourself as an “Emo kid”
It wasn’t super unheard of to be different fashionably in school but you, well you were definitely a sight
Your hair was teased to the rafters, bows of every color along with skulls littered your hair
Your eye liner was the blackest black, and you skin looked like you hadn’t seen sun in decades 😅
You wore fishnet tights with vans or perhaps another skateboarding shoe
You looked pretty intimidating to most people who didn’t know you
I mean, your style doesn’t exactly scream approachable
However, the people who did know you, knew that your style of “dark and brooding” didn’t measure up AT ALL to your personality
You were a complete sunshine ☀️
A literal sweetheart and absolute Angel!
Unfortunately a lot of kids didn’t get to know you ☹️
But luckily, there was one guy who didn’t care about looks
He really didn’t care about much actually 👀
And that happened to be our favorite setter Kenma!
Because Kenma honestly does not care about looks or superficial things like that
Actually, when you first got teamed up with Kenma to work on a project, a lot of kids thought it was a strange combo
But somehow, you two managed to make it work and in fact, you got the best grade in the class
After that, you and Kenma became partners for every project
There was just something he enjoyed about you
Probably your weird similarity to Hinata honestly 😏
Soon you and Kenma started hanging out after school
You both loved video games as well as had similar styles in music
Look at me and tell me Kenma wouldn’t be into Emo rock 👁️👄👁️
Fall out boy, Paramore, Taking Back Sunday, THE USED!!!!
Anyways, soon Kuroo joins and he’s confused about your friendship with Kenma
Like you and Kenma are complete opposites but you get along super well
Eventually Kuroo starts taking a liking to you as well
Kuroo has natural Emo hair so it’s fate 💅
Kuroo soon figures out why Kenma enjoys your company as you are a literal dark ball of sunshine
Eventually you start accompanying out kitty cats to practice in order to hang out with Kuroo and Kenma
Upon entering the gym, everyone stares at you
You low key kinda scare the first years, Inuoka and Shibayama
Yaku and Kai are super interested as in why you are there
Yamamoto is just dead because there’s a girl in the gym 🙄
And Lev, well Lev can’t keep his mouth shut
“Hey you’re that weird chick that wears black and has crazy hair. I’ve heard a lot about you!” Lev screams
Yaku please 😌
“LEV SHUT UP!” Kuroo yells as Yaku kicks him
You just giggle, a sound nobody was expecting, as you say, “I’m Yn! I guess I kind of do get a little bit of a reputation but I promise, I’m not evil or something!”
“She’s actually kind of cute in a different way,” Kai says as Fukunaga and Yaku nodd in agreement.
Soon, you are coming to every practice and helping where you can
Setting up chairs, filling water balls, handing out towels
The boys quickly adore you and soon you just naturally become apart of the team
Kuroo officially asks you the teams manager which you gladly accept
It’s hard finding a club with your specific tastes and since you could still express your style and personality, volleyball club seemed perfect!
You enjoyed playing music, listening to music and writing which were all supported by Nekoma
Our progressive Kings 👑
Honestly they were so supportive of their Emo scene queen!
They loved when you added little touches of red to your outfits and even made a hair bow that specifically said “Nekoma” on it 🥹
Of course, they were still boys so they all found you super cute and adorable
Yamamoto was your personal body guard for everything
It didn’t matter what, he always walked you to every class and if anyone made any comments about you, he would challenge them to a “rumble”
Language you later learned, was picked up from Karasuno 🙄
You had heard about Karasuno and you were honestly so excited to meet them!
Kenma had told you about Karasuno’s tiny middle blocker
On the way to training camp, our sweet boys let you play the music
Honestly Coach Nekomata was way into it 😂
He was such a hip coach and he knew you kids were into some weird stuff
Please he was too 🤚🏻
Anyways, he’s just happy you bring so much joy to the team
And honestly you match Nekoma’s cat-like mysterious vibes
So when you showed up, the other teams just kind of stared at you
Obviously you kinda stood out like a sore thumb Yn, sorry to say
But don’t worry, Yamamoto is on the case 🫡
“WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT? HAVENT UOU EVEN SEEN A GORGEOUS GIRL BEFORE?!?” He screams
You rn 👉🏻😐
Yaku 👉🏻 YAMAMOTO STOP BEING AN IDIOT
You just roll your eyes and smile, bowing to the teams and greeting them
Almost instantly, they melted 🥰
Because like how are you both adorable and scary???
Literally Emo culture mkay
“Come on Yn, let’s go,” Kenma says as you wave and walk away
Eventually you get introduced to all the teams, including Karasuno
You end up making eye contact with Hinata several times as he observes you
Finally, he makes his move
“Hi there! I really like your style! I see your friends with Kenma and the pretty girl manager for Nekoma! I’m Shoyo Hinata and I’m a middle blocker!” He shouts
You smile back and greet him, “Kenma had told me so much about you! It’s so great time finally meet you!”
Kuroo and Daichi watch you both and shake their heads
“Boy short stuff really can make friends with anyone can’t he?”
“You new manager looks super sweet and outgoing, albeit a little interesting,” Daichi says as Kuroo nods
Soon you and Hinata, and by consequence Bokuto, become besties
Honestly you really enjoy hanging out with Akaashi but we won’t tell Bokuto that 😶
You share your knowledge as well as your unique style of cheering with the boys
You wrote cute little cheers and even inspirational poetry to share with the boys
Bokuto and Hinata loved your fancy words : D
And even when Bokuto went into his own Emo modes, the teams knew exactly who to call!
“YN HALPPPP!” Akaashi would silently communicate to you with his eyes
You 👉🏻 NEVER FEAR OUR SCENE QUEEN IS HERE 🦸🏻♀️
“Bokuto would you like to listen to some music or maybe we can talk about your feelings?” You say as you rub his back
“I could use a hug,” Bokuto 🥺
You 👉🏻😌🥰 of course-
Akaashi doesn’t get it, Nekoma doesn’t get it but they appreciate it!!
#nekoma manager#hq nekoma#kai nobuyuki#kuroo tetsurou#yaku morisuke#kenma kozume#yamamoto taketora#fukunaga shōhei#lev haiba#inuoka sō#shibayama yuuki#nekoma x female reader#female reader#nekoma x manager#nekoma x reader#haikyuu nekoma#nekoma high#nekoma headcanons#haikyu headcanons#haikyu x female reader#haikyu x manager reader
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Songs I listen to about Skittlescript’s Isekai’ed to the West and Triad au Playlist
hahaha lol checkout @skittlescripts’s isekai to the west au, here’s some songs that remind me of the au and some scenarios imagined would make the daydreams better, special thanks to the works of @semisolidmind, @rennsdeaddoves, @thesexydancingcrepe, @rainyriu, @ritzhasmonkeybrain and @theweepingegg
this is for the Sun WuKong and Six-Eared Macaque simps out there
problem - ariana grande - reader starting to have feelings for Sun Wukong
dear future husband - meghan trainor - reader saying what marriage be like
right there - ariana grande - how macaque feels in triad au
the guy that i'd kinda be into - be more chill the musical - reader describing the monkie she likes
bad romance - lady gaga - macaque’s feelings for reader in triad au
one last time - ariana grande - Wukong trying to understand his emotions
la on a saturday night - hearts & colors - macaque’s monologue song in triad au
a whole new world - aladdin - Wukong and reader just ridding his cloud to Flower Fruit mountain
symphony - clean bandit - Macaque when he finally accepts he’s inlove
rhythm of the tambourine - hunchback of notredame the musical - Triad au
made you look - meghan trainor - reader’s themesong in triad au
title - meghan trainor - Wukong in triad au trying to get a date
not fall in love with you - rwby soundtrack - works both for the Isekai and triad au
kiss the girl - the little mermaid - Sandy making sure his OTP is cannon
there's nothing holding me back - shawn mendes - triad au wukong in general
stutter - mariana's trench - wukong’s 5 stages of grief about having a crush
troublemaker - olly murrs - wukong’s themesong
still into you - paramore - if Isekai to the west had a crossover with Triad au
millennium parade - belle - a reader song for triad au
light switch - charlie puth - wukong’s crush in triad au
i wanna be your slave - maneskin - wukong in a more hornii mood for reader
she's kinda hot - 5 seconds of summer - Isekai to the west chapter 3 song
teeth - 5 seconds of summer - triad au wukong’s song during a meeting
marry you - bruno mars - wukong trying to convince reader that they get married
paper rings - taylor swift - wukong finally getting a date with reader in triad au
teenage dirtbag - wheatus - macaque’s angst about having a crush on reader
my heart's a stereo - maroon 5 - Macaque starting to fall inlove in isekai au
hips don't lie - shakira - reader meets wukong for the first time in triad au
voodoo doll - 5 seconds of summer - wukong before he realises he likes reader
she looks so perfect - 5 seconds of summer - both monkey’s admiring reader
love me like you do - ellie goulding - wukong and reader in isekai
love me harder - ariana grande - reader’s feelings with wukong
girlfriend - avril lavinge - macaque's song when he’s jealous in isekai
everytime we touch - cascada - wukong simping for reader in triad au
teenage dream - katy perry - reader realising her crush in isekai au
ET - katy perry - reader and wukong’s relationship in a nutshell for isekai
lucky strike - maroon 5 - wukong vs macaque in isekai au
levitating - dua lipa - reader in isekai au
the story of the phantom - goosebumps the musical - macaque in isekai au
take me to church - hozier - wukong having a crush angst in isekai
can't hold us - macklemore - a sun wukong song in isekai
bad reputation - joan jett - how heaven feels about reader and wukong together
guy.exe - superfruit - reader describing her type of guy in triad au
super mario hyadain - wukong vs macaque for reader in isekai au
play with fire - sam tinnesz - macaque and reader first impressions
positions - ariana grande - wukong and reader relationship song in isekai au
34 + 35 - ariana grande - wukong and reader song in triad au
dinero - trinidad cardona - reader’s alter ego song in triad au
no roots - alice merton - isekai to the west in a nutshell
sway - micheal buble - triad wukong takes reader out dancing
helpless - hamilton - triad wukong being lovesick and lovey dovey, while MK witnesses his mentor being cringe
call me by your name - lil nas x - triad wukong themesong
dead girl walking - heathers - wukong and reader having some spicy fun just after wukong is banished by tripitaka
i wanna dance with somebody - whitney houston - reader during the triad au before having a relationship
fairytale - alexander rybak - reader angst on having feeling for wukong in isekai
why don't you do right - who framed roger rabbit - triad wukong meets reader’s alter ego for the first time
La seine and i - a monster in paris - reader performing in triad au
blues in the night - queen tyr'ahnee cover - reader having feelings for triad wukong angst
the great pretender - the platters - reader’s emotional stability during isekai
boys - charlie xcx - reader thinking about wukong in isekai
you will be okay - helluva boss - reader’s song for ao lie and her kids in isekai
no matter what - book of life - reader choosing to be with wukong instead of going home in isekai
Someone you like - girl and the dreamcatcher - triad wukong pining for reader
Ang huling el bimbo - eraserheads - slow dancing in the kitchen in triad au
Something just like this - cold play - macaque pining for reader in triad
Love story of a certain bakeneko - vocaloid
Ahh, it’s a wonderful cat’s life - vocaloid
The wolf that fell inlove with little red ridding hood - rin and len kagamine
Magic mirror - rin and len kagamine
Dance with me tonight - olly murs - a date night song with macaque in triad
La la dee - cody simpson - triad wukong describing his feelings for reader
Perfect - ed sheeran - wukong’s feelings for reader near the end of the journey to the west
Shape of you - ed sheeran - triad wukong being a simp for his wife reader
Seniorita - camila cabello - triad wukong flirting with reader
My oh my - camila cabello - reader’s accepting her feelings for wukong in triad
Uwu - chevy - Wukong’s feelings when he realises he wants to be with reader in isekai au
Canterella - vocaloid - triad wukong and reader on a mission
Je t’aime - kelly sweet - wukong descrining his love for reader in isekai
You’ll be in my heart - tarzan - reader just being happy with her family
Strangers like me - tarzan - wukong being curious aboutreader’s life before the journey to the west
A million dreams - the greatest showman - wukong’s song when he marries reader in isekai
One kiss - descendants - wukong when reader because of magic shenannigans needs to wake-up with true loves kiss
Secret garden - undertale - flowerfell au fansong - triad wukong and reader angst
So she dances - josh groban - triad wukong describing reader to MK
Beautiful ghosts - taylor swift - macaque’s song about reader in isekai
Slow dance with you - adventure time - macaque’s song regarding his pinning for reader
Tightrope - the greatest showman - reader’s conflicting emotions about staying with wukong or going home
Thinking out loud - ed sheeran - wukong pining for reader in isekai
Work form home - fifth harmony - reader flirting with triad wukong
Criminal - britney spears - triad wukong and reader’s relationship in a nutshell
Do it for her - steven universe - triad wukong training isekai wukong to protect reader
Back to life - bumblebee movie - reader and wukong’s wedding song in isekai
I love you to much - book of life - macaque pinning for reader in isekai
Death of a bachelor - panic! At the disco - triad wukong pinning for reader
I’m in love with a monster - fifth harmony - triad reader tells isekai reader on her feelings for triad wukong
Black magic - little mix - reader is jealous that triad wukong is flirting to get info
Animals - maroon 5 - wukong being in heat and wants to mate with reader
I’m a lady - meghan trainor - the jttw crew finds out about reader being isekai’ed to help them
Who i am - the score - macaque introducing himself to the reader in isekai after kidnapping her
Rewrite the stars - the greatest showman - triad wukong and reader fall inlove
Buwan - juan karlos - wukong serenading reader during their first date in isekai
Bad little boy - adventure time - reader and wukong’s dynamic
Monster - adventure time - Wukong angst about reader’s mortality in isekai
Hey soul sister - train - triad wukong being a simp while being cringe
Crush - tessa violet - reader pinning for triad wukong
Would you be so kind - dodie - reader pinning for wukong in isekai
I do adore - mindy gledhill - triad wukong and reader cuddling
Despair - leo - reader pinning for wukong and vice versa in isekai but angsting of it being unrequited
Save me - bruno martini - macaque and wukong paniking because their falling for reader in isekai au
Can’t sleep love - pentatonix - reader talking to sandy about her crush on wukong in isekai
Suki kirai - rin and len kagamine - reader being in denial about being inlove with triad wukong
Someday - disney’s zombies - wukong and reader in general for isekai
Boop - rwby soundtrack - wukong trying to show off and impress reader after he accepts that he loves her
Little miss perfect - owl house fandom - reader angst on wanting to focus on the journey to the west but the dilemma of falling inlove complicates things for her once the journey is done
Ordinary - owl house fandom - reader questioning wukong why he’s inlove with her in isekai au
One more night - maroon 5 - triad wukong wanting reader to stay longer in bed cuddling
You’re the one that i want - grease - triad macaque romantic feelings for reader
If i can’t i love her - beauty and the beast - wukong being in denial for being inlove with reader in isekai au
Evermore - beauty and the beast - wukong angst when reader is presented with the option of returning to her original home
Love like you - steven universe - wukong wondering why reader loves him in isekai
If i could tell her - dear evan hansen - triad macaque hiding his feelings for reader
Only us - dear evan hansen - set during the time wukong is banished from the journey to the west
Your text - sundial - triad wukong trying to get reader’s number
Glad you came - the wanted - triad Wukong meets reader for the first time
Castle on a hill - ed sheeran - wukong reminises his life before the journey to the west and meeting reader
I won’t say i’m in love - hercules - reader being in denial about being inlove with wukong in isekai au
Circus - britney spears - another themesong for reader in triad au
love story - taylor swift - how wukong tells his kids on how he met their mother in isekai au
you belong with me - taylor swift - how triad macaque feels when he sees reader with triad wukong
burn for you - bridgerton musical - wukong pining for reader, but not wanting to confess in isekai au
#lmk au#lmk x reader#lmk sun wukong#triad au#isekai'ed to the west#sun wukong x reader#lmk macaque#macaque x reader
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