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church-of-lilith · 1 year

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I would like to see the neurodivergent Abbott character notes? 👀

hello anon! for those who don’t know, this ask is in response to this post of mine. and i am here to provide you my notes. they’re long but here’s all my musings about each of the characters and my headcanons for them in terms of neurodivergency.

please note that I am in no way qualified to be making any of these headcanons. i’m not a medical professional i’m a teenager with autism & adhd just out here calling it like I see it.

Gregory Eddie

Gregory definitely shows signs of autism, and this is probably the most popular headcanon of the whole show.

- In canon right now I don’t believe he is diagnosed or ever really thought about or explored the possibility of being neurodivergent. His father doesn’t seem like the type to ever support him getting a diagnosis in early life. Moments that stuck out to me as an autistic person to lead me to this conclusion:

- His relationship with Gritty in the season 2 premiere. The whole “I just don’t get Gritty” thing. It’s a common thing for autistic people to not understand elements of culture that are important to most people. Gregory didn’t understand the hype around Gritty, and didn’t anticipate the negative backlash he would get from his coworkers upon admitting so.

- His ongoing problems with food, most notably in the episode where pizza is discussed. He has stated in canon before that there are only certain foods he can eat because of different issues with texture/temperature/flavor. i.e. “fruit should not be hot.” his boiled chicken sandwich, only eating pure dark chocolate. while I would not make these same choices in my eating habits, I understand having the ick towards certain foods. this is an autistic trait.

- Taking things too practically. Often times autistic people struggle to understand metaphors and take them way too literally. One of the examples of this I can think of in recent times was a conversation he had with Barbara in which she encouraged him to work through his problems. She said something along the lines of “This color does not look good on you.” Referring to the way he was acting. Later, he confesses to the camera that he thought he was dressed nicely that day. Clearly misunderstanding what she was trying to say.

- Having to stay organized with absolutely everything. We see this at the beginning of season two where he attempts to plan every day of the year down to the minute in order to stay in line with teaching guidelines. This, of course, before Barbara steps in and helps him realize this is improbable. Just the way he reacts at the idea of getting off schedule is incredibly reminiscent of how some people with autism become overwhelmed at the idea of things not going the exact right way.

- Gregory also really enjoys sticking to schedules. In the fire episode he tells Janine he has the fire drill schedule memorized. And during the teacher’s conference episode his need to have a schedule in order to feel comfortable is mentioned multiple times.

- In the teacher’s conference episode Gregory and Janine have a conversation about romance and relationships. He expresses that he feels like he is the problem in all of his relationships. That he’s the ‘weird’ one, so different that no one ever wants to stay. As an autistic person this one was extremely relatable to me.

In conclusion I wait for the day his neurodivergence is properly explored in canon. Because I do believe the day will come. And so does SLR apparently because at one point she tweeted an article about Gregory being great autistic representation. And then deleted it (😭)

Janine Teagues

Janine is also autistic, and let me tell you why. It all goes back to her velcro shoes (among other things but just let me have this moment real quick).

- In one of the season 2 episodes Janine talks about never learning how to tie her shoes and still not being able to, so as a result she wears velcro shoes. This is a very common (if not universal) autistic experience. It’s also a sign of childhood neglect but that’s a conversation for another day.

- As we know, she also has a problem picking up on social cues. She doesn’t let this stop her, and often does not have the social awareness to recognize when others are uncomfortable with something she’s saying or the way she’s acting until she is explicitly told so. We see this throughout the series but one moment that stuck out to me specifically was in the episode where she goes to Melissa’s house for cooking lessons. When she first gets there she won’t stop talking about her family relationships and doesn’t understand that Melissa wants her to stop talking as she loudly grinds the blender to drown her out. Even Melissa realizes it’s a moot point after awhile and gives up.

- Keeping a proper schedule and staying organized is also very important to her, (not as severely as Gregory) but still notably enough that she would probably get upset at any major variations. During the sick day episode when Ava has to sub for her we see that she has very detailed plans, like.. binders worth of plans. And she keeps her class on a tight schedule with story time, and listening to music, etc.

- Janine has the undeniable urge to fix literally every problem that comes her way. Even if the problem isn’t hers, she is so confident that she can fix it despite anyone or anything logically telling her that hey, maybe she shouldn’t. Once she gets her mind set on something, though, she cannot let it go. She has to be in control of every situation—or at least feel like she is.

Melissa Schemmenti

Probably the next most canon neurodivergent character. Personally I headcanon her as having ADHD, and at this point she canonically has dyslexia.

- Obviously in terms of her dyslexia we have that whole episode where she helps one of her students with difficulties reading.

- The way she talks with the student’s parents about getting her tested/possibly getting a diagnosis and then is clearly upset when the parents react negatively really stuck with me. Obviously when she first realized she was neurodivergent as a kid she didn’t have the resources to figure any of that out. It makes me think that she was initially resistant to getting diagnosed as she grew older (No doctor could tell her more about herself than she could. And if it ain’t broke don’t fix it right?) But at some point when she started teaching she realized she owed it to herself and in some part to the students she would be teaching to really figure herself out.

- Melissa strikes me as someone who is very impatient and gets easily frustrated with herself. But she would never get frustrated at a student who’s struggling with reading or otherwise. She doesn’t know how to go easy on herself.

- The reason I headcanon her as having ADHD is because of the way she self stims in some scenes. One that comes to mind specifically is when she’s arguing with Gregory about pizza and rocks herself back and forth.

- In one episode Melissa also has problems hearing things. It’s not mentioned again that I can remember but the auditory processing issues can be a sign of inattentive adhd (although if anything I’d say she shows some signs of both inattentive and hyperactive)

- Melissa’s obsession with firetrucks is something I would be remiss not to mention here. It’s a delightful hyperfixation and I love her for it. Her insistence on sharing this knowledge and trying to get others to enjoy her hyperfixation also screams neurodivergence to me.

Ava Coleman

Ava definitely has hyperactive ADHD. I see this a lot in the way she talks and acts.

- One of the most common signs of hyperactive ADHD is impulsivity. I would say that she makes a lot of impulsive decisions, specifically when it comes to shopping. In early season 1 we see her spending all of the school’s extra money on a large sign, for example. She also has a LOT of clothes to the point that she has her own business selling them. She also jumps into pyramid schemes with great ease.

- Another sign of that is talking excessively (and also at greater speeds). Ava talks pretty fast at times, and is always the first one to jump into a conversation with her thoughts. She has a hard time waiting her turn in conversations.

- The way she acts with the students in the episode where Gregory sends Micah to the principal’s office makes me think that Ava can relate to being ‘the problem child’ when she was in school. Her being hyperactive (unable to sit still, talking incessantly, acting impulsively etc.) makes sense under this lens. Her teachers likely wouldn’t be able to recognize her ADHD and would label her a problem, meaning she probably spent a lot of time in the principal’s office as a child herself.

Barbara Howard

My general analysis of Barbara is that she has OCD and suffers from repressed lesbianism. Both of these are rooted in her extremely religious upbringing.

- I do believe that a lot of Barbara’s OCD comes in the form of fixating on the rightness vs wrongness of things. And that this stems from her religious upbringing. An example of this is with Tamika’s mom and her utter fixation on the woman freely using profanities. This is wrong, so the woman must be immoral, and that’s a problem. When she actually gets to know Tamika’s mom and realizes that she’s actually a pretty great person, she doesn’t know how to comprehend that until Ava puts it into perspective for her. This can apply to herself too, (not wanting to roll around in the mud with melissa or having a crisis learning she’s been in the wrong with lighting her candles on school grounds.)

- Her interest in religion and the church borders on compulsive. This is why she’s very overtly religious, (introducing herself as a woman of god to anyone who will listen etc.) From a very young age I imagine that she’s had the idea of morality and being right instilled in her, which developed into this obsession as she got older.

- Barbara also seems very comforted by following a routine. She and Melissa have had the same spots at their table for years. She goes to the same place to get her nails done every week.

Jacob Hill

I do believe that Jacob suffers from an anxiety disorder of some kind. And also possibly autism but I’m less confident about that.

- Jacob comes across as a very nervous person. I suspect that this may come from his childhood although we don’t know much about it. He strikes me as a kid who was never really heard. That he’s always had a lot to say, but always somehow faded into the background when talking to parents/family. Him joining improv would add up with this, as it would finally make him the center of attention and force people to pay attention to him after being ignored by those closest to him for so many years.

- Similarly to Janine he’s not great at picking up on social cues. He doesn’t understand that people don’t appreciate his infodumping about random topics until he is explicitly told so. We see this most highlighted in the desking episode where we meet Zach for the first time and see his methods of helping Jacob stay on track of the conversation and prevent him from straying too far off topic

- He talks fast which is also something attributed to anxiety. It would also add up if he did struggle to get all his thoughts out as a kid as I suspect. Talking fast is a habit he’s grown into as an adult, so that no one can interrupt him or talk over him. If he gets all his thoughts out he doesn’t have to worry about not being heard.

- In a recent episode he talked about having night terrors, which definitely connects back to having anxiety. (Although we don’t know now frequently he has them or if that was just a one time thing). The way he reacts to the thought of Abbott turning charter also screams chronic anxiety to me. He loses it because it’s a situation he cannot anticipate.

Mr. Johnson

“Is the single most well adjusted man I’ve ever met.”

#abbott elementary #character analysis #neurodivergence #gregory eddie #barbara howard #melissa schemmenti #janine teagues #ava coleman #jacob hill #mr. johnson #janine’s velcro shoes had an insane hold over me #I wouldn’t shut up about them for weeks

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trkstrnd · 11 months

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Neurodivergent 126 anon here. I'd love to hear your thoughts on tarlos and Mateo!

hi anon i cannot believe i didn’t see this sooner but i would love to give you in depth examples of my opinions!!!

disclaimer: i am not a medical or psychiatric professional. do not use my posts or statements as means of diagnosis or medical advice. i am simply a person who struggles with mental illness/neurodivergence and am headcanoning characters that make me happy/that i relate to!!

that being said!! yes!!

mateo:

i firmly believe that mateo is autistic just based off of his social awareness. i know he’s canonically dyslexic, which, according to a quick google search, is strongly associated with autism. also, canonically, he’s an outcast, people look down on him, think he’s stupid, or slow, when really, he looks at things incredibly literally. i think we really see this in 1.07, with his struggles with his exam, finding a safe person inside a safe space and heavily relying on that routine of answering questions with marjan, then being thrown into a completely different situation that he was expecting just to panic. plus, when he got in there, the captain asked him if he needed anything to drink and mateo answered honestly, which got the sentiment of, “it’s sarcasm, einstein.” which is such mateo wasn’t even wrong to assume. in situations like this, before, he’s had people who cared, and he is trying his hardest to relate back to the past experiences he’s had, since most of the time he’s flying blind socially.

plus, mateo is really bad with the non-verbal communication as well. the main time i think about this is the last scene with the 126 in 3.18. when the boys were going to announce that they were engaged, but everyone figured it out before hand, EXCEPT MATEO, because to him, there’s nothing different. it’s just a 126 hang where people want to talk beforehand. he constantly has to be clued in.

plus, he was raised a loner, easily influenced by the actions of others. he feels incredibly strongly but doesn’t know how to express it and reach out. all of this was with marvin. messy room, bad actions, not being able to handle grief, being a “problem child.” they’re all autistic traits.

mateo, to me, is almost textbook autistic, but lmk what y’all think!!

tk:

truthfully, i haven’t done as much research on adhd as i have with asd, but from what i’ve read, it fits for tk very well. i honestly think part of it is why he gets along with carlos so much. tk is very all over the place, except for when he’s working or passionate about something. he’s able to fixate on one thing, and let all the others go for those moments (work, foosball, lou). he also tends to let things in his personal life show much more. he wears his heart on his sleeve. when he was upset owen was depressed, his mom’s passing, his sobriety being tested, issues with carlos, all manifest in places that there should be complete focus, but he has trouble focusing his attention on something unless it is the most important thing to him in that moment, which it often isn’t.

also, he’s impulsive!! i mean, who takes home a lizard from a guys leg?? he often does what he thinks is right no matter the circumstance, like in 2.08 when he goes for the alarm, 1.03 when he follows marjan into the corn despite judd’s orders, the bar fight in the same ep, 2.01 going after the person with the crossbow almost alone until judd offered backup, stealing a firetruck to find his dad, walking out on carlos, pushing carlos when he had nowhere else to place his anger at the situation, breaking up with carlos, you get my point. he struggles with emotional regulation and it manifests in impulsive behavior.

plus, he sucks at sleeping. ex: 3.13, 3.18.

okokokok

carlos:

boy oh boy have i saved the best for last because there’s a REASON i kin him ok.

all rise for the president of autistic carlos nation: me.

carlos is closer to what common folk would call ‘mildly’ autistic (which is not a term i indorse. everyone has different needs and they do not dictate the severity of a disability!!!) he has lower support needs, and because of this, when he was younger and he voiced them to his family, he was met with the cold shoulder.

look i will be a gabriel reyes defender until the day i die and i will never forgive tim for what he did to my favorite dad ever but this is not to say he didn’t have faults because he did!!! and they have a lot to do with how carlos’s autism presents itself.

many people with lower support needs go undiagnosed for years, and because of this they fall into this pit of isolation from their friends and family, and sometimes, themselves. carlos was constantly being reprimanded for being too soft (likely intense, overwhelming feelings, when he was younger. meltdowns.) he didn’t get the support from his family that he needed, so he isolated even more, leading him to believe there was something wrong with him. he couldn’t get along with his sisters because of the age gap, his dad constantly cared for him but in a way that made carlos second guess every decision he made, from coming out to joining apd.

again, he stayed pretty much a loner through childhood. in school, he said all he had was iris, and his shame and mask forced him to make the decision he did when they graduated. he married her because he needed to keep himself from being the burden he perceived himself as for /having needs/.

autistic people tend to take things literally, jump to conclusions. he never asked his parents how they felt after he came out. he just assumed they hated him and tried to soothe that by marrying iris and disregarding himself once again.

it’s why every time he expresses a need, it’s in the form of an argument, or when someone else is upset with him, he brushes it off because his feelings don’t matter because they never have. he masks so much that he almost broke up with tk because he kept brushing off his frustration (2.04), and he held his tongue for so long that he exploded and sounded like an anshole (3.13). he didn’t even tell tk he didn’t want kids until the issue was forced, and i want to highlight how good tk is for him because carlos didn’t run away from the discussion and let tk have whatever he wanted, he recognized the conversation as the collaboration it was!

he has an intense need for routine, he stims all the time (hand rubbing), he tends to have explosive bouts of emotion from masking so long, and he only truly opens up to tk. tk takes care of all of the social stuff, too! carlos’s entire friend group is tk’s friends. tk talks during catan, socializes, while carlos takes on the big, rehearsed speeches.

getting to see him open up with the right person over the last four years has been an absolute delight, and i cannot wait for more.

anyways that’s all for now! if you have any questions about these or others feel free to ask, and if you’re curious about my other neurodivergent 126 hcs, you can check them out here!!

i will forever believe in autistic carlos thank u

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schizosupport · 4 months

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Hey so I've been researching schizophrenia (and other schizo-spec + psychosis-spec disorders but mainly schizophrenia) and it essentially explains a lot of my life + experiences.

I have a question about when or even if I should/need treatment for it? I'm pretty sure I have early onset schizophrenia or had a premorbid schizo-spec/psychosis-spec disorder and I've read that early/earliest intervention is best.

I know needing to be treated is a very person to person thing but I really do want help because it's seem to have been getting worse in the past few years. I'm just not sure when it's appropriate to get help for it.

Hey there! So in my opinion the time to seek treatment is when the symptoms you are having feel unmanageable to a degree where you are willing to brave the associated complications of formal diagnosis and side effects of medicinal treatment etc.

Everyone's threshold is different, and there's obviously no guarantee that treatment will help you personally, but it does help plenty of folks so you can't just write it off either.

I'm sceptical of the idea of early intervention, where people get (medicinal antipsychotic) treatment for symptoms they may be about to develop based on other associated signs. In my opinion this is a pretty risky move given the side effects etc of antipsychotics.

But at the same time I'm not interested in gatekeeping treatment. I have personally benefited from antipsychotics on a day to day basis for psychotic and psychosis adjacent experiences of a more transient or less intense nature. Like the right dose of risperidone took me from crying from paranoid anxiety every night, to sleeping consistently, and it felt like a miracle at the time.

So I think if formal diagnosis isn't a problem for you, and you are feeling bothered by these types of symptoms, you could give it a try.

I think the important thing is to keep an open mind, and remember that most psychiatrists have an irrational fear of psychosis in their patients. So make sure that you are a part of making decisions about your own health, and don't just go along with whatever.

Some psychs don't like it when you research medicine and doses and so on. But frankly it's bullshit, and please do so. I know a few sad cases where people got put on way high doses of antipsychotics for no particular reason, and it set them back by a lot, as it took them years to realize that many of their newfound mental issues were a result of the very medication they were taking in hopes of feeling better.

So like. Stay informed and advocate for yourself, if you do seek treatment.

Hope this vaguely helps :p

#answers #medical malpractice #overmedication

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severeprincesheep · 4 months

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youtube

This guy's story has really stuck in my head, partly because we share so many of the same symptoms, but also because of his shocking experience with a doctor.

He suffered from an anal fistula and other colon problems like that. His doctor told him it was essentially an incurable disease, where the solution isn't really a solution as much as just swapping the problem you have for another problem that is slightly more tolerable to live with, albeit still a nightmare: you have multiple surgeries and lose your bowel function and have to wear an ostomy for the rest of your life. All of this is super expensive, too.

He thought he might as well do a carnivore diet during the weeks leading up to the surgery and all his symptoms cleared up completely. His doctor had him do an MRI that confirmed he was totally normal.

Then he received a call from his doctor's receptionist cancelling their appointment because he didn't need surgery anymore; and telling him that from now on he should just check with his GP.

Any doctor that has dedicated his life to doing the best he can for patients with this condition would be very intrigued with someone who managed to cure himself through a simple diet. He would be looking into that protocol and testing it on his patients. My conclusion is that his lack of curiosity is due to him already knowing very well that the carnivore diet heals this supposedly incurable disease, and that he doesn't want to heal his patients but rather just to exploit them.

This guy says something very much along those lines, namely that he realized at that moment that he and other patients are nothing more than cash cows for these people (doctors).

This is the reality we live in. If you want to save yourself from going through a similar experience you must eat a carnivore diet.

Bellow I wrote the transcript of this part of the interview, about 15 minutes in, where he describes how the autoimmunity that runs in his family manifested itself in his case:

Pete: For me it seems to have manifested in gut issues, which I've only really become aware of in the last year when I've looked at help from a doctor for that. (…) I do suffer from gut inflammation that leads to further side effects (…) the growth of abcesses and boils down in that area; which themselves lead to further complications that led to a pretty severe case of anal fistula.

I'm not sure if your viewers are aware of that condition, you can look it up on Google but it's a terrible condition where the body forms its own tracks to the bowel. So basically these internal tracks form around the bowel opening and they're incurable by all medical accounts. Surgery is the only answer. (…)

I got very tired of having to suffer with the pain and the flareups involved in this condition (…) I'll say that was also part of the motivation to try carnivore, because of the healing experience that I heard other people go through. (…)

The flareups got bad enough for me to see a surgeon this year who diagnosed me with pretty much the most serious condition that this can be, a complex transin teral fistula, where the track actually crosses the bowel. So there's a very slim chance of this surgery even being successful and there's a high probability of losing bowel function and (…) wearing an ostomy for the rest of my life and that was motivation enough to go 'I need to do something here' (…)

So I had this terrible diagnosis, he even said to me 'I'm sending you off for an MRI here, I normally don't send my patients off for MRIs but yours is so severe that we're going to have to get an MRI" which I dutifully did and it wasn't cheap. I got the MRI, waited a month with a lot of anxiety during that month, thinking of the worst, imagining the field surgeries. I had an appointment due with him and I got a call from his receptionist saying 'The doctor doesn't want to see you, everything is normal, just go ahead and see your GP for management from now on'.

And I almost dropped the phone, because (…) it was great news but it's like 'Hang on, I have a serious medical condition here, how can you build me up like that and then f it off in a phone call from your receptionist?

It really hit me hard. I was shocked.

Dave: That seems like a very kind of blasé way of - I mean, it's great news, but a very kind of 'Okay, go away now' kind of attitude, right?

Pete: It was shocking. This condition, anyone else that may have experienced it knows that there are usually multiple surgeries required to fix the situation. It's hard to heal in an area like the bowel for obvious reasons. It's just not a sterile place, it doesn't heal very well. I don't want to get too pessimistic or skeptical here but people with this condition are basically money printing machines to these surgeons because they know that it's going to take multiple hits under the knife to get it fixed and each surgery is upwards of 8.000 dollars. His main concern was my private health situation. He was still mid examination and he was bringing up private health status. You're a walking dollar sign to these people.

I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone in the medical field here but that's how I feel. As soon as you're not a commodity you're out the door."

#Pete The Primal Timeline #videos #carnivore diet #Dave Mac #No Carb Life #health

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pi-cat000 · 1 year

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Just stayed up until midnight reading your Kakashi bnha(?) cross over and loved it. Your characterization for Kakashi is so entertaining. Will you be continuing the series?

much love anon <33

glad u like it :) I don't have as much time to write fanfic these days but here's a section from the part 8 draft.

The view from Wada’s office is of tall, glass covered structures and what must be a train track looping around them. The vehicles that zip along the tracks travel at speeds far surpassing similar technologies available in the Land of Snow. In the Land of Snow the chakra-rich atmosphere allowed the trains to run on a mix of chakra and electricity. It was a combination prone to overheating, making it only viable in cold climates according to Konoha’s research facilities. Kakashi hadn’t cared enough to follow up on it after delivering the initial intel.

It was something to look into. How enough electricity was generated to power something like it without chakra might be worth investigating. It was obviously more efficient that Konoha’s system.

“Hatake?”

Kakashi shifts his gaze from the window to Wada.

“Hatake,” Wada crosses his arms, pushing back on his chair so he rolls out from behind his desk, “Are you listening? If you’re tired, we can have this conversation tomorrow.”

“Personal information is needed for a residency application. We are about to run through my diagnosis and tests results,” Kakashi idly summarises. He straightens ever so slightly from his slumped position, staring wistfully out at the city, elbow propped up against the arm of his wheelchair.

“I would like to hear what the quirk specialist has to say,” Kakashi adds, trying to inject a little enthusiasm into his voice so he’s not immediately wheeled back to his room for another weeks rest. “Please call me Kakashi,” he throws in.

“Yes. Yes. Kakashi then.” Wada waves away the correction, “I’m going to need more than a name if you want any further aid from the City. After your discharge you’ll be high and dry on the streets at this rate. Don’t think I don’t see you trying to avoid the topic.”

Wada’s irritation has Kakashi smiling for good measure, turning to away from the window. Wada continues talking with a sigh of mild frustration, “This is complicated. So far, you’re being treated under Hou’s Collateral Damage Scheme which would usually extend to relocation, occupation support, and asset recovery. However… as the investigation into the attack on your person hasn’t been linked it to any credible Villain activity, you’ll need to be a resident of Japan to receive further support.”

Wada frowns at him, “That’s a problem seeing we see can’t find your records and there’s nothing on the Registry.”

“Hmmm,”

“You have no birth certificate, citizenship information, school records, place of residence, career history or passport,” Wada lists, “You walk out of hospital like this and you’ll be jobless and on the streets in no time. I need to get this sorted now while you still have access to the hospital’s resources.”

There is another pause where a reply would usually go. Kakashi finally lets his full attention sit squarely on Wada, taking in his mildly irritated expression, eyebrows drawn together, slight frown, leaning forward, arms lose. He habitably scans for deception.

“Why.” Kakashi finaly asks, voice dropping flat. The medical attention he could understand. Doctor Wada was being paid by the hospital to give him medical care because of its poor patient vetting. This help wasn’t medical attention. Kakashi wasn’t Wada’s friend, ally, or family member. He doesn’t have ties to the man outside of being his patient and he knows Wada doesn’t pay this much attention to his other patients.

Wada continues moving from vaguely annoyed to openly exasperated, huffing, “If we don’t do this now, you’ll find it hard to rent, apply for jobs, open bank accounts, and all manner of things.”

“Why all the extra help? I’m sure I would be fine on my own,” Kakashi must clarify because Wada has obviously misunderstood his question.

“Humph.” Wada grunts, “Most of my patients have relatives and friends visiting every few days and aren’t missing all their personal records. Helping people isn’t just for the Heroes you know. Us regular people like to give it a go every now and then as well.”

Kakashi stares as the man gives a resolute nod like he had given a valid answer Kakashi’s question. What did being a Hero have to do with anything?

“I see.” He really didn’t. This world was so strange.

“Unfortunately, I don’t have anything else to share.” Kakashi repeats. It was probably the most truthful he has been since waking. Kakashi has no further information for Wada even if the man’s intentions were benign.

“Yes, very unfortunate,” Wada sounds ever so slightly disappointed, “unfortunate for you. I’m not a miracle worker. You’re going to have issues with this lack of records.” He rolls back behind his desk, yanking out a stack of paper held together with thick metal clips. As he shifts objects on the desk to clear space, Wada continues, “I might be able to get you a job interview with a friend of mine and I might be able to get you into some city subsidized housing. But that’s an iffy might…all I can promise.”

Never mind that Kakashi hasn’t asked for anything let alone help with his records since his arrival.

“…thank you…your efforts are appreciated.” A ‘thank you’ would be all the man would get from Kakashi.

Wada slaps the stack of paper down on the desk flipping it Kakashi’s direction and sliding across towards him. “You can show your appreciation by paying attention. These medical records are the only thing we do have at the moment.”

Kakashi examines the booklet, raising a questioning eyebrow.

“This is you’re recovery plan. I took the liberty of printing it out for you. Though with your quirk it’ll probably be a waste of paper.” Wada follows the sentence up with a quick, “Once you’re cleared to use it. Which you’re currently not. Don’t even think about it.”

Kakashi raises a hand in a loose calming motion.

“…and on the topic of your quirk….” Wada fusses around, patting himself down muttering, “Where is it. I swear if I lose another pen…Ah.” He pulls out a pen, leaning forward to scribble out a line of numbers and letters.

“You’re Registry ID. Won’t be for active for another week at least. But, once it is, if anyone gives you trouble for using your quirk in public you can tell them to go look up your file. I sent all your information off to be assessed and your quirk is probably going to be registered as ‘passive biological’ which is an automatic Licence Waiver if I’m remembering my law correctly.”

“Don’t quote me on that. I’m a doctor, not a legal professional. And just because you can use it, doesn’t mean you should. High-Stress quirks need to be carefully managed.”

Wada reaches over and flips the booklet open, tapping the page.

“Your quirk puts a huge strain on your brain. Specifically, it strains your memory and vision processing centres. The expert opinion is that your regenerative factor has naturally evolved to offset this physical stress.” Wada hums, pausing in his explanation to check that Kakashi is following. “Unfortunately, even with this mutation your quirk is maladaptive at best and actively destructive at worst.”

Kakashi glances at the page Wada is scribbling on. It has a diagram of a brain with serval areas now circled in blue pen ink.

“See this red area here. This means high activity. And see how it how increases when your quirk is active.” Wada flips the page, “And then activity in these outer sections drops to practically zero? None of this is good in the long term.”

Wada clears his throat, “A lot of your body’s resources are being devoted to vision and memory processing and it has subsequently led to enlargement and increased activity in these areas. This sort of imbalance in brain activity is also linked to a predisposition to depression, paranoia, anxiety, chronic stress and panic disorders. You’ll need to keep an eye on this. I have noted it in your Registry file and recommended yearly quirk assessments. I have also taken the liberty of scheduling some initial appointments with a psychologist at Hosu General,”

All this sounds somewhat familiar. He thinks in he has heard similar warnings about the Sharingan and dōjutsu users being more prone to paranoia and typically having better base reflexes than those without eye-related bloodlines.

Honestly, with the rate Uchiha went insane, is didn't surprise him that the Sharingan messed with the brain in other ways. He always had just chalked it up to the unpleasantness of retaining perfect memories of comrades dying gruesomely.

Of course, he had never hung around the hospital long enough to get a proper diagnosis beyond an understanding that he should keep use to a minimum. The Uchiha had had their own medical centres for Sharingan-related ailments which disappeared with the clan. Not like knowing meant much in the long run. Better to overuse it and suffer hypothetical consequences than underuse it and watch his allies die..

#current wip #question response #asks

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dlnj · 6 months

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So after waking up at the end of wetting my diaper (which would have been my bed , he he ) it was already time for me to just about be getting up to go to work 3:30 am wake up to start at 5:30 kind of a bummer but it’s all good, anyway after I was finished wetting my diaper I took it off cause it was soaked and it was get out of bed time, I was just chilling sitting in bed trying to shake the sleep off and a few minutes later I notice I’m leaking on myself and then a few minutes after that again and I could feel that this was going to be one of those days that I’m either going to wear a diaper and assume no one is going to notice (which folks never really notice anything like that , I wear diapers and am part of the ABDL community so I’ve always wondered who around me might be wearing a diaper for what ever reason and I’ve never noticed anyone ever wearing a diaper and I’m sure I’ve had to have been talking to or right near someone who needed to or just liked wearing diapers and I’ve never noticed so most likely no one will notice me wearing my “proper attire” anyway . I’ve been nervous about wearing diapers to work though , since I got my diagnosis and being diaper dependent medically I have made sure to stay diapers ALWAYS at night and then any time I’m not working I’m in diaper . Today I figured it was either wear a diaper and know no one is going to notice or a slight chance someone might or I can leak on my self all day and most likely have a huge accident where everyone around me will notice my pants get all wet in the front then down my leg and forming a puddle in the floor , (it’s happened before, actually a bunch of times ) for all to see , I feel like today was the right day to start wearing diapers 24/7 and accepting that I have pretty much every form of incontinence across the board getting worse as time goes by (yay!! Diapers for me always). I wasn’t quite brave enough to wear my regular everyday diaper but I am wearing a pull up which I hate but if you need diapers and want to be as discreet as possible and aren’t going to wet heavy then a pull-up will work for now, til I’m brave enough to just wear a diaper , not much of a difference if someone notices anyway, no one is going to say “oh that’s not a diaper , it’s a pull-up lol it’ll be the same thing to them lmfao) and I hope I don’t do anything more than just leak cause if I have s full on accident I’ll probably still end up wetting my pants , just probably wouldn’t be as horrible but still embarrassing, wet pants and wet pull-up yup sound like a fun day. Maybe if that happens it’ll be so embarrassing I’ll never want to take the chance of that ever again and then that’s it , 100% total urinary incontinence 100% completely diaper dependency . Either way I’m headed towards being completely diaper dependent, 2.5 more weeks til I see my doctor again and when I do I’m going to have her alter my diagnosis to include complete permanent day time incontinence along with the bedwetting and she already knew some days I need diapers during the day and some days I didn’t so it’s not going to be much of a jump for her to rewrite my diaper order to include a whole bunch more diapers in the mail covered by insurance which I’m still yet to receive but that’s because I have to fix the insurance . I’m hoping to go from potentially getting the hundred plus DIAPERS every month to maxing me out at I think 254 diapers delivered to my door every month in the same day. I think that should be enough diapers every month to wear diapers full time for the rest of my life. Anyway wish me luck everyone . Hopefully no one notices then maybe I’ll be brave enough to change into a diaper instead of the pull up at 9:00 break or maybe at the very least come in tomorrow in a diaper like I should be wearing right now. Really was one of the best thing I could have done for myself was get my incontinence “problem” (I don’t look at it as a problem , I look at it as about damn time I loose control lmfao) diagnosed and having her declare me diaper dependent. Anyway update to come……..

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strings0fcontrol · 8 months

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Just a weird lil observation undeserving of tags

I just realized that I spat out roughly 40k words (+/- 38k are published, the rest are still all over my notes. It might even be way more than 40k) in less than a week, including a plot. I was doing this casually. I didn't plan a plot. I'm just writing down whatever weird lil scenes my autistic brain is sewing together in real time. I've watched Hannibal once. About a month ago. I've been roleplaying (primarily) Hannibal since. Sometimes Will. All of this is from memory. And the few snippets I picked up along the way in interviews. (What I'm trying to do is rewatch the show, scene by scene & really take it apart, but I'm currently struggling with that since I gravely miscalculated, fucked it up & realized I don't have a Blu-ray device for the CDs. So, I first need to get that sorted out. Hannibal, on Netflix, isn't available in Germany, so you can see my problem here.)

Now, my autistic half is relatively manageable, it's quite similar to Will's manifestation & after my formal diagnosis, I've gotten a very good grip on managing my triggers & generally, staying in control of them. Most of the time.

On the other hand, my ADHD is a dominant infernal disaster dumpster hellscape of problems, always taking detours through the wild lands of distraction. We have a love/hate relationship. I'm (usually) highly medicated just to function bc I have the attention span of a fruit fly, I'm severely traumatized & my energy levels hover in the negative realm. The meds are fucking up my liver, so I haven’t been taking them over the semester break/pause, whatever it's called in English, which means I'm usually completely & utterly useless in that state. Strong executive paralysis. So, the fact that in my unmedicated state, I've managed to vomit out roughly 40k words of a novel in less than a week is an incredible milestone. I'm not even sure if the story is good. I'll have to rework it on a couple of corners. This is also just phase one, since I'm now, once I rewatch the show, going into phase two, where shit will really go wild & the actual story begins. I didn't even think I'd make it past the first chapter. I was sweating to make it to 6, I was crying when I reached 10 & I nearly fainted when I made it all the way to 14. And, once again, I'm so very glad that Hannibal has touched my little world, bc not only do I love that show, the books, the movies, everything, it's pulled me out of my depression & given me something to be happy about, bc those (almost) 40k words mean I shouldn't give up on myself just yet. I'm not a complete disaster. There's still untapped potential. There's still energy. I can feel the fire in my soul again, I feel alive again, I'm curious again, I'm feeling joy again & so much more. I'm very grateful for that little revelation. So, my sincerest thanks to the universe & to everyone involved in the show, movies & books.

Danke. I'm feeling my spark again, thanks to you. It's been dead for nearly 15 years. And. I want my future self to look at this when the insecurity strikes again. Believe in yourself, child. Believe.

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pancakeke · 2 years

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Did you get diagnosed with adhd as an adult? I ask because I'm an adult woman of color that can get up and go to work and can kind of interact with people around me, so I feel like I'll never get it

I got diagnosed when I was 29 but looking back I should have been diagnosed when I was in middle school lol. When I sought out a doctor I was technically functioning at my job and home but I was doing piss poor work and was stressed out beyond my limit 100% of the time.

I have a really hard time talking to doctors because I get anxious and forget what I want to highlight a lot so it may be helpful for you as well to list out your struggles and how they are negatively impacting your life. then you have a point by point list your doctor can use to help with diagnosis

for examples, a bunch of stuff I listed:

Work:

I forget to follow up on problem orders constantly, creating larger problems for myself later

I have to keep ridiculous amounts of notes to keep myself on track, but then the amount of notes becomes overwhelming and they become impossible to use

I question my memory at all times which keeps me in a high level of stress and anxiety

After dealing with some extra temporary responsibilities I hit a wall and have not been able to bounce back and do my normal duties very well anymore. Even my boss has noticed that I have had a hard time keeping up and talked to me about it. Nothing has permanently changed with my work, the problem is something with me.

home/personal life

I volunteer to help people with plans often but very quickly forget my responsibilities and only remember when reminded at the the last minute, putting myself in the position where I have to work until 2 or 3am to prepare for what we're doing

often I feel very creative and have the intention to work on home improvement or personal projects but either cant force myself to initiate a plan or after starting a plan I can't focus enough to get remotely close to completing it

along with the above, when actually starting a project it's generally on impulse and as soon as the impulse dies down I cant force myself to continue no matter how hard I try

I create constant messes and always feel disorganized no matter how hard I try to maintain an acceptable living space

I buy things on impulse for personal projects but then can't bring myself to work on the projects, meaning I often waste money on impulse buys that never go anywhere

I have a difficult time remembering to pay bills

General

forgetfulness causes me to accidentally procrastinate almost constantly, always putting me in a position where I have to rush while fueled by anxiety to get anything accomplished.

I basically rely on anxiety to push me to complete anything. if I'm not afraid of failure or causing problems it's almost like tasks don't exist

there isn't a day where one or more of the above things causes me problems.

kind of overboard but you get the idea. take some time over a week or two and note every time your ADHD symptoms affect your quality of life, and also add to your notes that all these things are negatively impacting you on a daily basis (if its true, which I don't doubt it is). If you share any of these problems with me feel free to tell your doctor you know someone diagnosed with ADHD who had the same problems to emphasize that you don't just have generalized anxiety.

My doctor made a copy of my notes to keep on file which I greatly appreciated. I've had a LOT of problems with doctors in the past not taking me seriously for physical problems I had so I'm like extra aware and suspicious of how doctors behave now.

I was genuinely surprised at how serious my doctor took all my issues. She didn't dismiss anything and agreed this sounded like ADHD. I'm white and can't talk to the issue of being POC and trying to get taken seriously by medical professionals but my generic advice is: don't be afraid to fire a doctor who doesn't seem to listen to you or is dismissive of your struggles. You don't even need to tell them they're fired, you can just cancel your next appt right after you make it and then ghost them. I went through 5 doctors (and hundreds of dollars....) getting a physical problem diagnosed once. I seriously wish I'd jumped ship on two of these guys sooner and stopped wasting my time and money on morons who had no investment in my health.

Also if possible, talk to local people you know or check out support groups (there are a lot of various ones on FB. also there may be forums out there for this kind of thing) for POC who struggle with finding doctors who actually listen to them. There may be recs you can use.

One more little bit of advice, if you're more comfortable with video chat than going to see a doctor in person you can do telehealth visits to speak with psychs about mental health issues and even get a diagnosis. It's what I did at first because it was easier to fit into my schedule. The only caveat is they can't prescribe you any medications for controlled substances (like adderall) without seeing you in person at least once. So if they do diagnose you with ADHD you'll have to go see them in person one time to get a prescription.

I always rant when I get asks for advice aaaa but I hope this helps at least somewhat!! If you have any other questions or want to talk feel free to send another ask or DM me!!

#ask #adhd

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heirofnepeta · 1 year

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My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead– murdered by my brother-in-law, Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a meth empire for over a year now, and using me as his chemist. Shortly after my 50th birthday, he asked that I use my chemistry knowledge to cook methamphetamine, which he would then sell using connections that he made through his career with the DEA. I was… astounded. I… I always thought Hank was a very moral man, and I was particularly vulnerable at the time – something he knew and took advantage of. I was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Hank took me in on a ride-along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. And I was weak. I didn't want my family to go into financial ruin, so I agreed. Hank had a partner, a businessman named Gustavo Fring. Hank sold me into servitude to this man. And when I tried to quit, Fring threatened my family. I didn't know where to turn. Eventually, Hank and Fring had a falling-out. Things escalated. Fring was able to arrange – uh, I guess… I guess you call it a "hit" – on Hank, and failed, but Hank was seriously injured. And I wound up paying his medical bills, which amounted to a little over $177,000. Upon recovery, Hank was bent on revenge. Working with a man named Hector Salamanca, he plotted to kill Fring. The bomb that he used was built by me, and he gave me no option in it. I have often contemplated suicide, but I'm a coward. I wanted to go to the police, but I was frightened. Hank had risen to become the head of the Albuquerque DEA. To keep me in line, he took my children. For three months, he kept them. My wife had no idea of my criminal activities, and was horrified to learn what I had done. I was in hell. I hated myself for what I had brought upon my family. Recently, I tried once again to quit, and in response, he gave me this. [Walt points to the bruise on his face left by Hank in "Blood Money."] I can't take this anymore. I live in fear every day that Hank will kill me, or worse, hurt my family. All I could think to do was to make this video and hope that the world will finally see this man for what he really is. bororkig babd

My name is Yoshikage Kira. I’m 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don’t smoke, but I occasionally drink. I’m in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I’m trying to explain that I’m a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn’t lose to anyone. Jojo weird trip

#wynn answers #asks #anon #shitpost #copypasta

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a-moment-captured · 10 months

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How do I get out of my head and do better at my job when I can barely take care of myself? I feel like I’m in a fog all the time, but my performance is slacking (a lot of other things were said, I was sobbing in front of them) but I need benefits, so I have to get better…I just don’t know how, I feel like I’m mentally paralyzed, and that my meds don’t even work anymore

I’m sorry I miss this anon!

I know exactly how you are feeling and exactly what you are talking about! I was in that place 2011-2013. I thought I would never get out of it.

If you don’t mind me asking, what are your meds and what are you taking them for?

I’ve seen it over and over, with myself and my mom and my sister and patients, where they are not on the correct dosage. Or they are on multiple medications for the same thing when they only need one at the correct dose for it to do what it needs.

My mom was having so many issues with her hemoglobin, WBC, and basically being in a “fog” because she was on too many medications for just one of her health issues. They were harming and not helping her. Thankfully, between me & my sister plus her great doctors, we were able to figure this out and get the other meds out of her system while she was in the hospital.

Being in our heads can be good for us. It helps with general clarification, problem-solving and future planning along with a wide array of other things. But other times, we can feel like we’re a prisoner to our thoughts. Sometimes, it can reach a point where all we want is to figure out how to get out of our head.

Overthinking can potentially lead to an increase in mental health problems such as anxiety and stress disorders. This typically only occurs as a result of overthinking about the past or worrying about the future.

I’m guilty of this. I use to make myself sick over thinking things. It only got better in the last few years and after my son’s diagnosis with Austim. I realized I could not control everything.

Have you ever asked yourself, "Why do I feel stuck or why can’t I stop overthinking in life?" It's not always an easy question to answer.

It's a reality that people change over time. Your needs, your wants, and your hopes all evolve. Perhaps that perfect job you landed a year ago doesn't provide enough stimulation now that you've mastered it. This type of situation can leave you wondering which direction to go in next.

That can in turn wreck havoc on your mental health which can affect your physical health and put you in that fog.

Keeping your nervous system on high alert for extended periods of time can blur the lines between what is and isn't harmful. It can also lead to extreme fatigue, which isn't the ideal frame of mind for decision-making.

I would talk to your doctor about your meds and it may be time for a change in dosage or trying a new medication.

Also, my inbox is always open! If you want to ask more but don’t want it posted, you can always message me! No judgment here at all and I’ll try my best to help you any way I can!

#anon #mental health

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bondsmagii · 2 years

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If you feel comfortable sharing, what do you mean when you say that psychiatrists don't think you can exist? You know your own experiences better than I do, but the idea of a psych telling a patient what their reality is, rather than observing reality to determine outcome, is killing the methodologist inside me

I have no interest in sharing because like. I just do not. but I can address the rest of what you're saying.

the whole basis of going to see a psych is the be told what your reality is, in one way or another. whether that's seeking out a diagnosis, unpacking bullshit to see what's "beneath" it all, trying to get to the bottom of memories/behaviours, or even just working out Why You're Like That, you're relying on somebody else to tell you what your reality is. some people find this works well for them, and that's great. I'm not denying that there aren't lots of people out there who have benefited greatly from psychiatry, and as a believer in medical autonomy, I'm of course always going to encourage those who feel like therapy might help them to try it out. however, we do need to remember that therapy is a medical procedure, and by undergoing it, people want to be told something about their reality that they either can't or won't see.

sometimes, this works out well. it makes sense. the patient and the therapist are in agreement. but the second that you disagree with your therapist... a lot of people find this is where things get nasty. there's an expectation that your therapist knows best, because they're trained in the field -- but no amount of schooling is ever going to be enough to tell someone their reality. if somebody is hands-down insisting that something is the case, you need to believe them. therapists, in my experience and in the experience of many people I've known, aren't too great at that. advocating for yourself, and disgreeing with an insight or a suggestion, quickly gets you labelled as an uncooperative patient -- and you would be surprised at how quickly you start getting treated like you're the problem, and you're not "committed" enough, or you're not "willing to put the work in".

and this is just things that therapists agree are real. what I have going on is something that therapists do not even consider possible, and after all, they're the experts, right! if I went to a therapist about this, I would be called delusional or psychotic at best, and a liar at worst. despite the fact that I am right here, existing -- and despite the existence of many like me -- the psychiatric community is just not ready for that discussion yet. they refuse to believe that it's possible, and instead of conducting research to prove or disprove this hypothesis, they simply refuse to acknowledge it or even entertain the idea at all.

the psychiatric community, as a whole, has no interest in observing reality. there is a huge confirmation bias in the field, and somewhere along the line they have stopped using science as a tool to find out more about their field, and started wielding it as a weapon to silence dissenters and ensure they're always correct and never challenged. while individual therapists can be helpful and decent, the field as a whole is incredibly toxic. any field of science that looks at a possibility and says "this isn't possible because I said so, and no I shall not research because I Know I Am Right", is not a field of science worth existing. according to these people, I don't exist, yet here I am. they would answer this by telling me I'm wrong, and trying to convince me I have a severe mental illness that I just don't realise I have. if anyone else did that under any other circumstances, we'd call that gaslighting.

#not to mention like. the inherent problem with trying to reduce the whole of human experience into diagnoses and symptoms.#but that's another rant not specifically related to this.#i will say though that the trend of everything being a Symptom is a direct result of this glorification of therapists #not everything is a symptom of something. not everything is a problem.#and i cannot wrap my head around how we came up with these parameters in the first place. like. what even IS normal.#who gets to decide what A Healthy Brain looks like.#obviously if something is causing somebody distress AND they want to change it that's one thing #but then you get bullshit like the other day where people look at people who are perfectly happy #but start claiming they were abused because their life looks unpleasant from an outside perspective #and i'm kind of like ??? calm down. they're fine.#honestly. 'oh did you know that's a symptom of--' shut up.#did you know saying shit like this unsolicitied is a symptom of Can't Mind Your Business Disease? facts.#anyway.#anon #asks

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timextoxhajima · 3 years

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Love Me A Little Less: Chapter 10 - Pudding & Champagne

LOVE ME A LITTLE LESS CHAPTER MASTERLIST

Member: (3rd person pov) arranged marriage au with Lee Juyeon

Genre: angsty wangsty

Taglist: @hyunjaethereal @sunwoowuvbot @suzy-rainbow @miingxuxi

“What would it have been like, had she been the one in Kim Jang Won’s shoes instead?”

“What was that about?” Jang Won’s look of disapproval is the strongest on her face now than he has ever seen on her. “The Hell’s wrong with you? Have you not been to a check-up before? Were you mad you couldn’t go in with me? What?”

“We... can get you to another hospital for your check-ups, how’s that? I can recommend you my family doctor and he’s one of the best in the city-”

“What? Is that what it is? You’re upset because I’m not seeing ‘one of the best doctors’ in the city?”

Juyeon refuses to respond, her wrist in his grip as she’s trying to wriggle her way out. “Juyeon!”

“Please, just shut up, and trust me, will you?”

“Trust you? You don’t even want to tell me what the Hell’s going on!”

Upon reaching the car, Juyeon finally releases her, leaving a bright peach-pink mark on her wrists where he held her too tightly. He pulls open the passenger’s door, but she violently slams it back shut, palm reaching out and pressing into the line where the top of the door connects to the roof of the car.

“We’re not going anywhere until you tell me what that was.”

“Jesus Christ, will you just trust me for this once? This has nothing to do with HERA & ARTEMIS or your family! This is for your own health and I... I have my own reasons, okay?” Juyeon huffs, running his hands through his hair and ruining the efforts of Younghoon’s hairstylist from the morning. “Not everything is about money, or your reputation, or The Board, okay? I just have a bad feeling about... this.”

Jang Won reels backwards, frown deepening and her lips pursed into a tight, thin, suspicious line.

He inhales a sharp breath, turning around on his feet and paces up and down in the next lot. He sucks in his lips between his teeth with his hands on the back of his neck. Silently; harshly, begging his intelligence to cook up some stupid, believable reason before she drives a knife into his back for being unreasonable.

“Okay,” Whirling around, he lifts a single finger and approaches her slowly. “So don’t change hospitals. But every time you go for your check-up, you tell me. If she prescribes you medication, I see it, okay?”

Her pupils are shaking, now that he’s closer and he’s got his palms on her shoulders. Her lips part, wishing to hurl a string of vulgarities at him for even thinking he can dictate her life.

But then he opens his arms and wraps them around her, her frown fading and shock replacing her anger instead. His breath is heavy into the hair that fell onto her back, and she can feel his chest rising against her shoulders.

“What the- Juyeon...”

“Please, just promise me this one thing,” The layer of wetness coat his eyes, and he keeps his mouth open to regulate his breathing. “Please.”

There’s a growing, uneasy nausea in her stomach when she struggles to process his words. It’s in her instincts to pull away, probably send a palm into one of his cheeks for thinking that he has the autonomy and power to decide what she gets to do and what she doesn’t, but she can’t. Almost ashamed, she finds herself buying his plea.

Is this what genuine care and concern sounds like?

He pulls away, the heat of the carpark air rushing between their bodies. He’s searching her face for any sign of relent, any sign of resignation, and she finds desperation in his. The questions in her head can’t even begin to formulate, because there’s absolutely no reason for Juyeon to be so bothered by her health, and yet he’s got no agenda to be suspicious about.

He’d be the richer, more powerful one of the two in just about a month’s time.

“Jang Won.”

“Okay!” Shutting her eyes and raising her hands, she trembles as she agrees. “Okay. I’ll bring you along whenever I come for a check-up.”

Relief washes over him, and she can see his lungs deflate, like he was holding his breath waiting for her response. She looks away, unable to maintain any form of eye contact with him after experiencing what seems to be like cared for. It’s disgustingly alien, and it kind of wants to make her cry too.

It’s like finding your favourite toy stashed away in some obscure cabinet after 20 years.

Juyeon rests his palms on her shoulders again, then gradually pulls her in once more, this time gentler; less aggressive. A protest rises in her throat, but is interrupted by the form of his palm stroking the hair on the back of her head.

Yoo Hye In is twirling the stray bit of fringe hanging from her face, Jang Won’s folder in her left hand, stuck between her torso and her right elbow. It was a pity she had missed most of the conversation between her patient and her husband, but nonetheless, the sight of them intrigues her.

What would it have been like, had she been the one in Kim Jang Won’s shoes instead?

The Porsche starts up with a melancholic atmosphere - not a single word exchanged between the two when they part and he opens the door for her. Already, she can tell that Juyeon is harboring a parasite, one that he will grow to hate and despise. His heart is opening up to her, a piece of stone-cold, less-than-human brat who has no clue how lucky she was to be born into the family that shouldn’t even have existed. The warmth for Kim Jang Won was beginning to brew in the depths of Juyeon’s gut, against his wishes, against his needs, against his wants.

He must have a world of problems to worry about, and now, to throw Kim Jang Won into the floor plan?

Yoo Hye In fails to contain the slight smirk that arises on her lips when the car drives off with Juyeon at the wheel. Pushing herself off the wall of the lift lobby, she turns, heading back into the lift.

Younghoon was busy sieving through the racks and racks and racks of clothes in the second master bedroom when he hears his little sister’s heels clack and echo along the corridor.

“Ms Kim, your brother is here.”

“Huh?”

“Surprise!” Younghoon sticks his head out of the second master, eyeing the couple entering the hallway and the butler chasing after them from the stairs.

“What are you doing with my honeymoon closet?” She hurriedly steps over, heels clacking noisily as she rushes to greet him with a slap on his arm.

“Tea will be ready in 15, Mr Lee,” Mr Ro bows from the stairs, not bothering to make it to the second floor. Juyeon nods, turning to listen to the muffled bickering emitting from the second master.

“This is alot of clothes for a cool climate. It’s not gonna snow, is it?” Younghoon dumps himself in one of the sofa seats by the coffee table, bringing his feet up to the edge of the bed where some leather patches were displaying scarfs and other garments. Jang Won reaches over and slaps his feet off, pressing down into the scarfs to neaten them.

“No, it’s not. But you know me, I’m extra and greedy and I have no clue what’s appropriate, so.”

Juyeon enters the room, eyes glossing over the almost 20 racks of clothes, and easily half of them were clothes for him, from HERA & ARTEMIS (and probably like, Dior, and Chanel, or LV, or Gucci, or HERMES). He bows and greets Younghoon, who waves it off nonchalantly as he stands.

“I heard you stayed over,” Raising an arm and casually resting it over Juyeon’s shoulders, Younghoon cheekily side-eyes him.

“It was an impromptu situation,” Juyeon’s eyes slightly widen with caution.

“Yeah, he ran away from home. Lovely, right?” Jang Won chortles, moving over to one of the racks and skimming through the dresses.

Younghoon chuckles in disbelief, brows high up on his forehead as he turns to Juyeon, holding him by his shoulder.

“What?” His glossy eyes flicker. “I’m technically her husband now, which means I could technically live here too.”

“You wish,” Jang Won removes some clothes from the rack and into an empty one.

“Anyway, I managed to get a PI to dig out more information on Mr Nam’s body swap.”

“Body swap?” Juyeon’s eyes light up with caution disguised in curiosity. “You mean... the one that replaced your father?”

“The one and only,” Jang Won sings with a matter-of-fact tone.

“They actually didn’t figure out much, which is weird, but we did get information on where he used to go for health check ups. Turns out, he went to the same hospital as you do.”

“Aren’t the hospital fees expensive? Did Artemis Ent. provide coverage costs?”

“We don’t cover the entire bill but there is a discount or some kind of partial coverage.”

“Did we get a doctor’s name or something?”

“Multiple, actually,” Younghoon scratches the line where his hairline meets his forehead. “He kept changing doctors because his diagnosis kept changing.”

“This is alot of information at once. Can’t you get it in a folder and have it mailed to me or something? My honeymoon is soon and I’d like the time to myself and not worry about a dead man.”

“Sure, it’s not like I was gonna recite every piece of information to you now,” Younghoon turns and heads for the door. “Tea’s ready, by the way.”

And then, for some strange reason, Younghoon runs.

“Oh! No!” Jang Won’s sudden change in mannerism stuns Juyeon. She flings the clothes back onto her bed and dashes after Younghoon right after he leaves the room. “No! You’re gonna finish the pudding on your own!”

The footsteps slam down into the marble floor when Younghoon starts running down the steps as well. She yells, and her heels click-clack to an abrupt stop for her to remove her shoes.

“You’re going on your honeymoon, you should give me the pudding!”

With one sharp burst of a sprint, Jang Won manages to catch up to Younghoon, pulling his neck into a headlock and struggling to yank the end of his blazer over his head.

“Agh!” He shouts, almost losing his balance as he stumbles backwards. “That’s cheating!”

Jang Won giggles, the marble cold against her feet as she pushes past him and runs backwards into the dining hall. Panting, she turns on her heels, hair slightly tousled but the scent of butter pudding wafting in the air was enough to make an appetite.

However, her appetite hits the streets once she sees that the table was one seat occupied. Her breaths immediately become shallow as Younghoon pats himself down, reaching the table and sitting down even before she does.

“What-”

“Ms Kim,” Mr Ro interrupts, pushing the kitchen door open for the kitchen staff to bring out one more tray of cream puffs. “A guest must also eat.”

“But-”

“Do you want him to die in your house? And then compromise... everything?”

Jang Won puffs her cheeks and frowns. Glaring at Mr Ro, she pulls out the nearest seat, far, far away from her father, and dumps her butt in the chair.

Watching Jang Won sit down in her seat like a child after acting like one with her brother draws a susceptible smile on Juyeon’s face as he makes his way into the dining hall.

She picks up the fork as Juyeon bows subtly to Kim Jo-Pil, taking a seat next to her.

“‘A guest must also eat’,” She whines under her breath. Juyeon’s gaze darts to her when he can hear her mockery. “‘Do you want him to die in your house?’”

“You know I can hear you, right?” Younghoon calls from across the table, hands occupied with spreading jam across his toast.

“Does it look like I was talking to you?” Jang Won sticks her tongue out at him, and he does the same.

“Children,” Juyeon criticises under his breath, smirk prancing on his lips. In his peripheral vision, he spots a smile emerging on Kim Jo-Pil’s face. It’s the kind of smile that only a father would have, when he’s at the dining table watching his two children argue with one another.

Kim Jo-Pil can’t decide if he was grateful or resentful for the fact that he was alive again. Fate has a strange way of forcing people into thinking the worst or the best out of situations that you weren’t meant to be in, and right now, Kim Jo-Pil knows for a fact that he shouldn’t be sitting here.

He should’ve been lying in a coffin, 6 feet under, rotting. He had been given a second shot at life, and by the last person he’d expected to birth him one.

But if Yoo Hye In had Se Kyung’s eyes, Jang Won had the rest of her.

On the balcony outside Jang Won’s massive bedroom, Juyeon finds himself fiddling with a glass of champagne that Mr Ro had offered him in secret. Jang Won’s favourite champagne, tens of thousands of dollars per bottle.

In the distance and past the metal bars, he can make out the lights in the city against the navy-blue nightsky. All the tall skyscrapers and amongst one of them was the building his family owned, where he should’ve been today and all the days prior. Maybe even next week. But he’d be halfway across the globe in about 5 days, spending time with his wife, not by choice, but by force - and yet he’s gone all soft for her. It’s strange, how his expectations have changed drastically throughout this ordeal. For some moments in this silence he has to himself, he worries if this is sympathy he feels for her.

Then again, sympathy is better than if it were anything more serious.

Like love.

The door being pulled open from behind him drags him out of his drowning thoughts. The secrets piled up in his memory chucks itself away in fear upon the sight of Jang Won’s head sticking out through the gap between the doors.

“I’ve been told a bottle of my favourite champagne has been opened.”

Juyeon turns back to the glass sitting on the floor and picks it up. “I was given this glass, in case you were wondering if I went into your wine cellar. Want the rest?”

With a childish grin on her face, Jang Won pulls out the entire bottle and an empty from behind her back. Juyeon raises both brows in delightful surprise, chuckling under his breath.

“I was gonna offer it to you anyway, so it doesn’t matter that Mr Ro’s given you a glass himself,” She slots the rest of her body through the gaps and shuts it behind her. Sinking into the sofa seat (Juyeon had known it was hers and decided to make himself comfortable on the floor instead), she places the bottle on the stand and yanks the cork off.

“You were gonna offer me your favourite champagne?” He raises a skeptic brow. “After you called me a coward yesterday? After our wedding?”

“That was yesterday?” Jang Won tilts the bottle over her glass. “Feels like last week.”

He snorts at her attempt to change the focus of the conversation. “It does.”

“I just... thought that since the wedding was all for show and none of it was real...” She places the bottle back down and swirls the champagne. “At least this was by choice.”

“What, hanging out on your balcony and drinking champagne?”

Jang Won snickers and pulls her legs onto the seat, taking a sip of her share.

“Are you really okay with giving me 50% of HERA & ARTEMIS though?”

“I don’t have a choice, do I? I’m not gonna give my father all 100% of it.”

Juyeon turns away and stares at the bit of champagne left in his glass. “What’s your plan after that? After your father and I get half each and your brother for Artemis Ent.”

“I’ll worry about that then,” She gulps down the rest of her champagne, then reaches over to grab the bottle. “Right now, I just can’t wait to get out of here.”

Juyeon’s finishes the rest of his champagne then looks up to see her gulping straight from the bottle.

“Do you have a death wish?” He stands and places his glass next to hers. She doesn’t stop. Wrapping his fingers around the cool glass, he gently pulls it away from her lips and tears it out of her grip. Judging by the weight of the bottle, she’s downed half of it in one shot.

He sucks in a deep breath, turning and leaving the bottle in the corner of the balcony where it’s out of her reach.

“Do you think your parents love you?”

The question turns his attention back to her.

“Why do you ask that?” His voice is quiet and low as he sits himself between her and the bottle. “You know I would say no but I can’t say that in front of you.”

“Do you think they did what they did solely for the family’s name?”

“Their defence would be that I get to live with the benefits. So-”

“I’m not talking about them, I’m asking about what you think.”

Juyeon pauses to think, but Jang Won speaks first anyway.

“I think they do, you know. That they do love you. They just... grew up in an environment where they’re just doing what their parents did for them. They turned out fine, so I think they just assume you’ll turn out fine as well.”

“‘Fine’ now is different from being ‘fine’ in the 1960s and 70s,” Juyeon leans his head against the metal bars keeping him safe within the balcony.

Jang Won’s head was resting against the backseat of the sofa chair, hair dribbled all over the woven wooden strips and her eyes reflecting the dim, amber balcony lights from above. She’s tired, and definitely feeling like the entire world is against her.

If she squinted hard enough, she could barely make out the huge H&A signs stuck to the side of shopping malls all around the city. By now, she can feel her cheeks heat up from the alcohol ingested in such a short amount of time, but luckily for her, the amber lights are helping the pink in her cheeks camouflage into her skin.

She turns to find Juyeon staring at the bottle’s label, like he were memorizing the details of it.

“I’ll get you a new bottle,” Juyeon holds the neck and grunts as he stands, hands reaching for the cork on the stand. “Also, your cheeks are pink. I think that’s good enough reason to get you to sleep.”

Juyeon reaches for the door grip to slide it open, pulling it open just a few inches.

“I miss my mom.”

He stops.

“Tomorrow’s her death anniversary,” She whispers under her breath. “It’s been five long years without her.”

They lock eyes, but Jang Won turns away first.

“Hera’s Manor was meant for the both of us. The blueprint of the house... every room and every statue purchased and made the way we wanted it to be made. But before the house could be moved into, she leaves me. All alone.”

Jang Won’s eyes flit to Juyeon, and he can’t look at her in the eye. He’s not used to her opening up like this, but it’s all thanks to the champagne anyway. Never in a million years would she bother to do this if she wasn’t tipsy.

“I mean... Does she know I’m here now? In this very spot, wondering what had gone wrong?”

Juyeon lowers his head and seals his eyes shut. The guilt stirs within him.

“I wish I could tell her that I’m okay, at least. She always worried about me more than Younghoon, for some strange reason, because I was a girl in the administration of The Board,” Her voice cracks and Juyeon’s eyes are open now. “And yet, I’m the one taking care of him now.”

She gulps loudly, trying her best to swallow the ball of sobs stuck in her throat. Shaking her head and prying out a painful smile, she finally snaps when she looks down into her lap where her hands are.

Gritting her teeth, and pursing her lips, it’s a meagre attempt at trying to stop the hiccups that are already in the back of her mouth. The tears begin to collect in her palms and kiss the material of her pajama pants, the warmth seeping through the cotton and sticking it to her thighs.

The shuffling rustles through her left ear, followed by a soft thud of the glass decanter, and then she feels a warmth hold her hands. Cold tears bleed through the lines of their palms when she opens her eyes, just barely, to meet Juyeon’s.

He’s got a painful, pitiful look in his eyes that she would punch him in the face for, but even she can’t disagree that she was being a sad mope right now.

“Your mother knows,” He nods, reaching up to her forehead and pushing a strand of hair out of her tear streaks. “I promise you.”

Her facial muscles crush towards the middle when the sobs finally break past her discipline, and she crumbles her face into her hands. The sorrow in Juyeon carefully motivates her off the seat, and he shuffles to get his back against the metal bars of the balcony, and her in his arms between his legs.

His nose sours and his vision starts to blur when he can feel her torso shiver and jerk with every sob he hears. The side of her head nestles into his left shoulder, hands tightly clenched together against her stomach with his elbow resting on her bent knees.

He parts his lips to inhale, but he looks down to watch the tears drip off her chin.

“Are you going to meet Younghoon to see your mother tomorrow?” He whispers, gently pushing her hair out of her tears.

She sniffles, wiping away the mucus on her philtrum. “Yeah.”

“Okay,” He nods, keeping her head on his shoulder. “I’ll go with you.”

“Okay.”

#multifandomnet #destinyverse #the boyz scenarios #juyeon scenarios #the boyz fanfic #juyeon fanfic #the boyz imagines #juyeon imagines #the boyz juyeon imagines #the boyz juyeon fanfic #the boyz juyeon scenarios #tbz juyeon #lee juyeon #the boyz #the boyz juyeon #juyeon angst #the boyz angst #love me a little less

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jonsa101 · 3 years

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Max Goodwin and Randall Pearson: The Well-Meaning, Incredibly Self-Centered Leading Men We’ve Grown to Love.

Hey fam! Like I said, I’ve been writing a ton of meta lately and this is another one that’s just been sitting in my drafts. It’s basically a This Is Us and a New Amsterdam meta which is something I haven’t done before but something I want do more of. In my Game of Thrones days I used to write a lot of meta about shows and characters that had similarities so this is fun for me. I hope y’all enjoy this. ALSO THIS HAS SPOILERS FOR BOTH SHOWS!!!!!!!

Without a doubt the two most popular shows on NBC is This is Us and New Amsterdam. And what’s not to love? They’re both emotionally driven, heartfelt, shows that focus on incredibly deep and complex topics. Though one show focuses on family dynamics and the other focuses on the healthcare system, these shows are very similar in more ways than one. Case in point, Max Goodwin and Randall Pearson. The more I watch these two shows, the more I realize how these two characters are so alike!!! These two men are kind-hearted, well intentioned, individuals who genuinely want to make some sort of positive difference. They are incredibly ambitious and always have “bright ideas” and “goals” they want to accomplish and somehow they’re able to meet those goals without ever having to sacrifice their wants and needs. By every definition these men are the “main characters” or the ultimate “protagonists.” These are the folks that we are supposed to root for. At the same time, though these men have many traits to be admired, when you truly look at it both of them can be incredibly self centered and selfish especially when it pertains to their romantic partners and love interests. No matter how appealing you make these characters out to be these men clearly fall under the Behind Every Great Man trope.

The Behind Every Great Man trope has been used countless of times throughout Cinema and TV History that I’m sure that I don’t even have to explain it to you but for the sake of this meta this is how it’s defined.

“Behind Every Great Man...stands an even greater woman! Or in about a hundred variations is a Stock Phrase referring to how people rarely achieve greatness without support structures that go generally unappreciated, and said support structure is a traditionally female role via being the wife, mother, or sometimes another relation. This trope is specifically about a man who is credited with something important, but owes much of his success to the woman in his life.”

This trope usually has a negative connotation (and rightfully so) because the man who often benefits from this is an asshole and unworthy of this type of support!

For example:

Oliva and Fitz

Cristina Yang and Burke

Cookie and Lucious

Ghost and Tasha

There are countless others but these are a few of the couples that come to mind for me. Randall and Max aren’t comparable to any of these men that are listed above but they are still operating under the same trope. It just looks nicer because Max and Randall are inherently good and inspirational. They are the heroes of the story. I would even argue and say that both men fall under the Chronic Hero Syndrome trope which is defined as

“Chronic Hero Syndrome is an "affliction" of cleaner heroes where for them, every wrong within earshot must be righted, and everyone in need must be helped, preferably by Our Hero themself. While certainly admirable, this may have a few negative side-effects on the hero and those around them. Such heroes could wear themselves out in their attempts to help everyone or become distraught and blame themselves for the one time that they're unable to save the day. Spending so much time and effort saving everyone else can also put a strain on the hero's personal or dating life.”

Just because Max and Randall have these incredibly inspiring aspirations, is it fair that their wives and love interests are always expected to rise to the occasion and support them. Is it ok for their partners to continuously sacrifice their wants and needs because they love these men?

Let’s dive into it.

Truth be told, Beth Pearson, Helen Sharpe and Georgia Goodwin had to endure a GREAT DEAL to emotionally support the dreams and aspirations of these men while sacrificing so much of themselves in the process. In media we often see women sacrificing so much of their wants and needs out of love for these male leads and rarely do men do the same thing for their romantic partners and love interests. All three of these women clearly fall under the Act of True Love trope defined as

“The Act of True Love proves beyond doubt that you are ready to put your loved one's interests before your own, that you are truly loyal and devoted to them. Usually this involves a sacrifice on your part, at the very least a considerable effort and/or a great risk. The action must be motivated, not by morals or principle or expectation of future reward, but by sheer personal affection.When your beloved is in dire need of your help, or in great danger, and you do something, at great expense to yourself, for the sake of their safety, their welfare, or their happiness, thus proving beyond any doubt that you put their interest ahead of yours.”

Over the past few seasons we have seen all three of these women truly live up to this trope without any true consequences or accountability from the men they’re making all these sacrifices for. For example, in Beth and Randall’s marriage, how many times did Randall spring an idea on Beth without truly talking to her or considering her wants first? Everyone thinks these two are an ideal couple but she has endured A LOT for Randall.

Randall has spontaneously quit his job, moved his dying biological dad into their home, bought his biological dad’s old apartment building, fostered and adopted a child and also ran for city councilman outside of his district. In all of these decisions, Randall “consulted” Beth about it but at the same time didn’t really consult her. In a way there has always been this expectation of Beth to just go along for the ride with what Randall wants. Is anyone else exhausted from reading that list?! That’s a lot for partner to endure and lovingly support. But Beth has endured and has been Randall’s rock through it all!!! What worries me is that the one time Beth spoke out about her wants and needs of pursuing dance again, he couldn’t match the same energy she was giving him and eventually it led to world war three between them. Though things are looking up in their relationship and he’s starting to support her more, has Randall nearly given to Beth as much as she’s given to him? Absolutely not!

Similar to Randall, Max also had a wife who was a dancer. in fact, she was a prima ballerina. Unlike Randall and Beth, Max relationship with Georgia was rocky from the start. When we were first introduced to them Max and Georgia were separated and rightfully so. Georgia was never Max’s first priority. The hospital always came first in their relationship. He couldn’t even dedicate a full night to her for their proposal. In order to “save” their marriage they decide to have a baby and they both committed to taking a step back in their careers in order to do so. The problem was Max didn’t keep his side of their commitment and took a job to become the medical director at the biggest public hospital in the U.S. She gave up her career to start a family and he totally and completely betrayed her trust. So throughout season one we see them trying to rebuild their marriage but even in the midst of trying to rebuild a marriage based on trust and mutual respect Max still keeps things from Georgia. For several episodes he didn’t tell her that he had advance stages of throat cancer. He only told her when Georgia asked him to move back home. That’s fucked up! Then throughout their pregnancy he was never fully there for Georgia because he was either to preoccupied with the hospital or himself. At the end of it all, Georgia died tragically at the beginning of season two and really had nothing to show for it in her relationship with Max other than her daughter Luna.

Now let’s bring Helen Sharpe into the fold. While all of this stuff was going on with Max and his wife in season one, Max was developing a deep friendship, borderline emotional affair with Helen. Their relationship started out with Helen being his oncologist. As the new Medical Director of New Amsterdam, he swore Helen to secrecy about his diagnosis so that he could still run the hospital. Through that secrecy they eventually formed a deep bond but as his cancer got worse his secret was let out of the bag. He realistically needed someone to step up and run the hospital when he was going through chemo and though Helen already had commitments she stepped up and became his deputy medical director. Somewhere along the lines Max and Helen started developing feelings for each other. As Helen becomes aware of those feelings, she made a choice and decides to remove herself as Max’s doctor. He BITCHES about it but eventually accepts the boundary she’s clearly trying to set. Mind you, as this is unfolding, like Max, Helen is also in a new relationship with her boyfriend Panthaki. As Max’s cancer seems to be getting worse with his new doctor, she goes back on her boundary and decides to be his doctor again. This pisses her boyfriend off because he could already peep the vibe between them and he breaks up with her. When we get into season two, Max’s wife died and Helen set him up in a clinical trail (with a doctor she previously fired) that’s helping his cancer. Unbeknownst to Max, this doctor ends up holding his life saving treatment plan over Helen’s head and in order for his treatment to continue she gives this doctor half of her department!

Helen has sacrificed a lot for Max and now in season three she’s finally prioritizing her current wants and needs first! Like Randall, Max is starting to turn a page and is starting to support Helen and truly listen to the wants and needs that she has. All of this is good but my question is did any of these women have to sacrifice so much for the men in their lives to get a clue?

Why is it that this is a trope we see in media time and time and time again? Even if these men are good, why don’t we still keep these male characters accountable when they put their significant others in these situations that are clearly not fair? I’ve watched countless tv shows and I’ve seen a lot of tv couples but I think I have only come across one couple where the male counterpart has selflessly loved his significant other and has always put her needs above his own.

That character my friend is none other than PACEY WITTER

I might be mistaken but I think Joey and Pacey are the most popular ship in tv history and honestly, rightfully so! This is only example I can think of where the male in the relationship so willingly puts the wants and needs of his partner first. It is a completely selfless and sacrificial love. He never wants to hold her back and he never asks her to compromise her wants or needs for him. That’s why I think so many women love Pacey because in a sea of TV relationships, Pacey Witter is a fucking unicorn.

So to wrap this up does this mean that I hate Randall Pearson or Max Goodwin? No! I adore them. I love both of their characters so much. I just think that when we see the media continuously play out the sacrificial wife/love interest for the sake of their male counterparts, it should be called out. I’m all about sacrificial and selfless love but it should come from both sides.❤️❤️❤️

Anyway I hope y’all enjoy this! As always my DMs are opening here or on Twitter @oyindaodewale

#new amsterdam #sharpwin #This Is US #max goodwin #helen sharpe #randall pearson #beth pearson #georgia goodwin #pacey witter #joey x pacey #new amsterdam meta

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vs-redemption · 3 years

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Might I request hurt/comfort scenario for William comforting his female s/o that's trying to cope with a pain that doesn't seem to go away, not even with pain medication?

From Cindy: Hello Anon! Thank you for sending in this request. I really hope you aren’t experiencing awful pain like this, but if you are, I hope you can find a way to feel better soon. Have a safe and happy holiday, and please enjoy the story!

Aches and Pains (William Vangeance x Fem!Reader)

William Vangeance considered himself to be the luckiest and happiest man in all of Clover Kingdom, and it did not matter to him one bit if anyone else disagreed or thought he was exaggerating. They probably assumed his greatest accomplishment in life was befriending the wizard king or becoming the captain of the strongest Magic Knight squad. Those feats were indeed noteworthy, and he would never deny their positive impact, but they still didn’t even come close to the all-consuming joy he’d experienced since the moment you’d become a part of his life.

He still had a hard time believing that he even managed to catch your attention let alone convince you to go on a date with him. But after almost a year, you still stuck by his side and filled his days with more bliss and love than he could ever put into words. Your words of affirmation and constant support gave him a sense of pride and a level of confidence that he never would’ve thought possible. Those closest to him were astonished to see the changes you inspired in him as he opened up more in conversations and ignored the urges to cover up his face when attending small gatherings. He felt like a whole new man and it was all thanks to the patience, kindness, and love he’d received from you.

Your importance to William was immeasurable, and because of that, there was nothing he wanted more than for you to know the same feelings of contentment that he did both in the relationship and in life in general. He never wanted you to experience a moment of sadness or distress, so when you came to him one day complaining that you’d woken up with an uncomfortable pain, he was quick to forsake all plans and duties in order to focus on taking care of you.

“You must’ve been overworking yourself lately, my love.” William tucks you back into bed after making sure to contact everyone who’d been expecting you that day to let them know you would be resting instead. “Stay off your feet and allow your body to heal.”

Once he’s sure you’re nice and settled, he prepares a cold compress for you to use on the painful area to help dull the ache that had seemed to come from nowhere. He could see that you were still experiencing some discomfort after a while though, so he makes his way to the nearest apothecary to buy some medicine that would help alleviate some of your pain. He has the shop owner explain the directions for how to take the medicine multiple times before paying and heading back home. He urges you to stay in bed as he prepares a hearty lunch for you to take along with the medicine. After giving the first dose time to kick in, your pain still seems to persist. Each whimper that escapes your lips, and each grimace that contorts you features leaves William feeling more and more upset.

“Don’t worry,” he tries to console you. “I’m sure the medicine will help you feel better soon.”

William hoped that he was telling the truth. However, it was still a little too hard for him to sit by and do nothing while the love of his life suffered in such a state. He prepared a hot bath for you to try and subdue your aches and pains. When that proved to be just as ineffective as the medicine, your determined boyfriend decided to, quite literally, take things into his own hands. He helped you out of the bath and asked where the pain was worst before using his fingers to gently massage those areas to sooth them if even just for a little while.

“I’m sorry William,” you ask him to stop after a few minutes. “It’s not your fault, but the pain somehow feels like it has gotten worse.” The tiny tears that you were trying to suppress broke William’s heart, and he became more determined than ever to put an end to whatever was causing your discomfort. Even if he was unable to do anything to help you, surely there was someone else that could. He called for Mimosa, a member of his magic knight squad who was proficient in healing magic to enlist her help.

“Thank you for taking time out of your day,” William thanks the girl as she casts a spell from her open grimoire to cradle you in her magical healing vines and flowers.

“Don’t mention it,” Mimosa assures you both as she continues to concentrate on making you feel better. It didn’t take long for it to become apparent that the spell was having zero affect. William thanked his fellow magic knight before allowing her to get back to her duties.

“William, it hurts so much,” you say through clenched teeth as the throbbing pain continues relentlessly.

“I know,” he sits next to you and gently pulls you into his lap so he can stroke your hair and face lovingly. “I hate seeing you in so much pain. I love you and I promise I won’t give up looking for a way to make you feel better.”

“Thank you,” you reach up to put your hand over his. “I appreciate everything you’re doing.”

William continues to hold you, wracking his brain for ideas of what to do. After a while, he makes up his mind to call upon his friend Julius for aid. He hated to ask the wizard king for personal favors, but he wasn’t doing it for himself. He was doing it for you. It seemed to take no time at all for Julius to arrive, bringing with him his own personal magic healer.

“Why didn’t you contact me earlier, William?” The wizard king smiles kindly before patting the healer on the back. “I’m sure Owen here will have her fixed up in no time!” The confident words gave both you and William a spark of hope. William continued to hold you in his arms as the doctor opened his grimoire and started to work on making a diagnosis.

“Aha! I see what the problem is!” The healing mage nods his head victoriously. “The source of the pain is uncommon but can be treated fairly easily. The spell will take a few hours to take effect, but your discomfort should be completely gone by the time you wake up tomorrow!”

“That’s great news!” The wizard king claps his hands happily. Owen casts the proper spell before departing with Julius and leaving you to recover under the loving care of your boyfriend.

“It’s already starting to feel better,” you admit once you’re alone. A handsome smiles grows on William’s face at your words.

“I’m so glad to hear that, my love.” He gets you both ready for bed before crawling under the covers and wrapping you protectively in his arms once again. “You mean everything to me, and I never want you to hurt or feel bad.”

As your pain slowly dissipates, the stress of the day catches up and you are able to relax enough to slowly drift off to sleep, feeling safe and warm in William’s embrace. He continues to watch you for a while, looking for any signs that the discomfort was returning, but it truly seemed that it was going away for good. It put him at ease to know he’d been able to find a way so help you through such a difficult time, and he hoped you’d never have to feel that sort of pain ever again.

#William Vangeance x Reader #Black Clover x Reader #william vangeance #Black Clover #Writing Requests #Cindy's Writing

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vtforpedro · 3 years

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medical update - long post, TWs in tags

my head is as bad as it's been since the beginning of it all. it's been seven months since it's been at this level. nearing the end of my rope here anyway. so the only thing that's keeping me from getting the official IIH diagnosis is a lumbar puncture. I was gonna do one cause my neurosurgeon wanted me to get one and as he was on the way out of the door (in april 2020) he's like 'oh yeah if you read anything about death/emergency surgery from getting a lumbar puncture with a chiari malformation don't worry about it' me, who had not been googling things anymore cause it was making my anxiety really high, now very worried about it: haha ok!! yeah so there are numerous documented cases of people with chiari malformation having an LP done and for whatever reason, the sudden decrease in spinal fluid causes the chiari (cerebellar tonsils have herniated into the spinal cord opening in the base of the skull) to 100% herniate and results in immediate life-saving full-on brain surgery right then and there so!!! I never got an LP because I was like, fresh in the middle of the worst of the medical trauma, three weeks out of the hospital where my intense phobia of IVs came from, no one was believing me about any of it etc etc lmao goddd I wish he hadn't said anything cause my anxiety brain is stupid but when I saw him in late october and he finally believed me and started talking about IIH, the actual diagnostic tool (the last one anyway) is a lumbar puncture. to rule out anything in the spinal fluid (which is pretty much already ruled out for me because it's been 19 months and I would've had other stuff happening if it were something in the fluid) and check the pressure in my brain. IIH is intracranial hypertension for who knows why. I asked my neurologist yesterday if I get it, since we have ruled everrrrything out, and my pressure is high, will I get the IIH diagnosis and he said correct. like it's the only thing I'm missing!!! but the problem with getting the diagnosis is there are legit two medications they use to treat IIH and they are not without potentially severe side effects (they lower spinal fluid production and fucking with your brain when they don't really know Why can. fuck your brain) and I am already terrified of new meds. I don't want to go through all this shit just to have horrible things happen when I try to treat it, you know? but weight loss is clearly not working, at least not yet and I don't know if it ever will. if it doesn't, I'm going to have to have surgery. that's the only way to fix this :/ I talked to my neurosurgeon in october about the risks of herniation with an LP and I think he got frustrated lmao because he's like 'it's like the biggest myth out there! I've never seen it in my entire career' but it's not a myth because it HAS happened. I would say him being a renowned neurosurgeon means that it's probably a really low risk? but it's not a fuckin myth and with him being a renowned neurosurgeon I have no doubts he knows that. because I saw a neurologist team shortly before I went back to him that said 'oh no, we never order LPs for chiari patients. it's taught in school because the risk is too high' so I'm like ok my neurosurgeon is fantastic at what he does but he was playing fast and loose with the truth, so do I want to trust this guy? I'm being told they teach it in school to not do this because people have died. I'm being told by my new neurologist that he thinks the benefits far outweigh the risks, my chiari is so mild, it'll be done in the hospital under the right settings with monitoring, etc etc, and that he considers my neurosurgeon the true expert on the matter and to maybe listen to him and himself and not what a different neuro said WHICH WOULD BE OKAY if the risk wasn't fucking DEATH in a horrible way during a fairly common procedure!!! like it's considered 'invasive' but it's still done often enough my brain is at a complete standstill. I am living in such horrible agony that I want to end my life. if I get the LP, I could actually experience relief for a while because

of the removal of some SF resulting in less pressure in my skull. or I could just straight up die lmao but also I don't want to be on meds to treat it even if I do get the diagnosis!! I am in the middle of applying for disability (not even 50% of the way through and it's a long process ._.) so if I get this diagnosis and I add it to my claim, this, along with everrrrrything else, gives me an even higher chance of getting approved and if this doesn't go away from weight loss, I will be forced to do an LP anyway because I will have to confirm the pressure in my skull so they can perform surgery. but that would be months away, maybe even late next year, because I do still have to lose all the weight first so my dilemma is, do I just go ahead with the LP despite the risks (no matter how low they are and I genuinely don't know how low from getting so many mixed answers from doctors) because I could get relief and because I could get the diagnosis to add to disability? what happens if the Worst™ happens and I never walk out of the hospital, you know? it's scary. it's genuinely so terrifying to me. I'm having traumatic nightmares about this shit my cognitive function has been declining enough that I have zero recollection of a few things happening. it's not just forgetting, it's a complete blackout. I'm mixing up meds and a couple other things. and it's scaring me. neuro referred me to a neuropsychologist to evaluate this stuff my head is so bad I am in a constant heightened state of extreme anxiety and depression and stress. I'm starting to get heart palpitations again. like something's gotta give, right? I don't know what to do if you or someone you know has had a lumbar puncture, please please please do NOT tell me any horror stories about it (I legit can't handle it). if you've had one and it was easy peasy lemon squeezy, can you tell me about it, please? hanging on by a fucking threeeeeeead. love you all very much

#medical #personal #tw death #tw medical procedures #tw depression #tw anxiety #sorry for rambling i am super fucking mixed up about this #its so easy for people (doctors) to say oh yeah get this done the risk is low don't listen to anyone else. if you don't well lol suffer!!

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