#where i instantly fell in love with the snow white character
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Wait, did you put a photo of Vil and Neige as kids in Eric’s office??
oh good, I was afraid that wasn't going to read properly and people would just be like "what is this supposed to be". :') but yeah! I like to think Eric was pretty fond of Neige as a kid! single dad sees orphan child approximately the same age as his own son and goes "hmm. okay, you guys are going to be friends now." (this did not go as well as he'd hoped.)
(also I do love how it's kind of a running joke that everyone loves Neige except for Vil, who's standing over in the corner and just seething with furious irrational hatred. someday maybe he'll find someone who doesn't think Neige is the best thing since cinnamon rolls.)
#art#twisted wonderland#vil: am i massively projecting my own hangups and insecurities onto someone who i would otherwise find only mildly annoying#vil: no it must be neige who is wrong#idk i just like neige a lot! he's sweet and i find him fascinating honestly#there's ONE offhanded comment about how oh yeah he's been orphaned since a young age and just never talks about it#he lives with a bunch of dwarves and cooks and cleans for them and this has been going on since he was like eight#like. hello?!#there's a whole backstory here that we're never going to get more than this single crumb of and frankly that makes it better#man if i had a nickel for every fandom about fairytale characters in high school#where i instantly fell in love with the snow white character#i'd have two nickels et cetera you know the rest
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Using the power of picrew made by people who can draw humans because all I can draw is cats and dragons, I present to you: Farmer Vincent
Portrait made here: https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/1919046
Sitting made here: https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/466657
His hair and eye colour are more accurate in the portrait but the sitting one is a good clothing ref. He's either wearing a comfy hoodie or a shirt and a bandana depending on the weather. Usually he's wearing a blue/gold/white palette in other things but the best boots I have are the space ones and the rest of the outfit needed to match better haha. Also I desperately want to believe the space boots are actually galaxy coloured.
When he introduced himself to everyone in town and it turned out there was a child named Vincent living there already the child in question was adorably excited to meet someone that had the same name. It's not that confusing because it's pretty easy to tell when someone is talking to/about adult Vincent and not child Vincent. I picked the grey and white cat for him because the original character has a grey Maine Coon named Misty (she's his ESA).
Also of course he's married to Elliott, he fell for the charming and handsome and silly author who lives on the beach almost instantly.
Loves: summer spangle, fairy rose, honey, starfruit, pineapple, opal, fire opal, rainbow shell, crab cakes, omni geode, eggplant, blue discus, duck feather, yam
Likes: melon, aquamarine, topaz, sunflower, crystal fruit, snow yam, maple bar, goat cheese, ice cream, nekoite, thunder egg, mead, snail (friends!)
Dislikes: tomato, cranberry, hops, radish, wine, escargot, slime
Hates: algae soup, white algae, green algae, beer, pale ale, pine tar (the smell gives him a headache), spook fish, mutant carp (put that thing back where it came from or so help meeee)
#there is more i could say about him like how he had a traumatic childhood and is actually grandpa's adoptive grandson#also there's a good reason he dislikes so many alcoholic drinks it's the trauma#but he isn't put off by anyone who does like alcohol#but for now this is he#sdv#stardew valley#sdv farmer#my post#sdv oc
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Can you please write a Frozen!Pure vanilla being comforted by a short reader
(Wow, first time I've gotten a request that has to do with an au version I made of a canon character! Imagine yourself as cookie or human it works for both.)
The Cookie at the gate looked at you with almost bored disinterest before becoming curious upon seeing your height. Not in an insulting way but large warriors themselves could barely get through let alone come out alive. Yet here you went fearless....you wanted to see if you could reach Pure Vanilla Cookie. He fled here after the curse and the starting blizzard became nonstop. You remembered his horrified expression as any living plant he touched died when he ran away…
"Good luck uh...Y/N Cookie, be careful." She said before letting you pass.
You entered Frost Cream Forest, dressed in the warmest winter clothes you had. The sugar snow pelted hard against you as cold nipped harshly at your dough but nothing would deter you.
You kept walking and walking, pushing passed the harsh winds...you could hear sobbing flowing throughout the cruel air as you trudged through snow up to your waist.
"Pure vanilla- AH!" An ice spike narrowly impaled you, only a few inches away from your face.
Terror shook you to the core at the fact that you nearly could’ve been crumbled in that instant but you shook it off. No, you had to find him.
You knew Pure Vanilla didn’t do this on purpose, it was his curse that changed the normal light snow fall to a cruel blizzard. That made these spikes and crystals launch up to bring death. That brought upon these harsh winds to blow you back to your doom. He didn’t do this…despite the destruction it brought…he still loved everyone, all life on Earthbread.
The deeper you went into the forest the harsher the winds became; it was a blinding white flurry to where you could barely see a few feet in front of you.
But with each step, the sobbing grew louder and louder as you got closer, it was getting colder and colder.
Finally, you had reach the heart of the forest and the snow stopped...but it was colder than ever. It was encapsulated with ice, in the center of it was a frozen stump...freeze burned and rotted black...on it was Pure vanilla. The cookie curled up in the fetal position, back turned to you.
“...Whoever you are...leave now...please...it's not safe...I don't want to hurt you...” He said, tightly clutching his wilted staff.
You didn’t say a word, you just walked towards him. More spikes and crystals jutted up but you managed to dodge them again, seeing him flinch with pain as he heard each one broke your heart more and more to his situation. Finally, you had reached the rotting stump, he was shaking as he sobbed.
“Pure Vanilla Cookie, please look at me.” You spoke gently.
The sobs went quiet and slowly, with great hesitation, he turned around to face you. His eyes were covered with bandages as tears freely fell from the staff’s eye. Carefully, he stood up from the stump, perhaps about a head or more taller than you he “looked” down.
His breathing was shaky as he was shivering with fear, Pure Vanilla couldn’t stop the intrusive thoughts. Any second now you’d be dead, an ice spike would rise up and impale your poor form. Or you’d touch him and his deadly hands would instantly put an end to your life!
He started to sob loudly again and felt horror as he looked through the staff’s eye.
“No-!” But he couldn’t stop you.
You grabbed hold of his hand and gently held it. He was shocked…you didn’t drop dead, were you immune? …Even still, you shouldn’t be here. He’s too dangerous for any cookie to be around…
“Please…leave…I don’t…”
You gave him a warm smile.
“Don’t worry, I KNOW you won’t hurt me. Please Pure Vanilla…let me be here for you.” With that, you gave the scared ancient a hug.
Pure vanilla was silent aside from his cries, but slowly he returned your embrace. You were the first bit of warmth he felt in so long. Finally, the tears stopped falling from the staff.
#cr#crk#cookie run#cookie run kingdom#cr x reader#crk x reader#cookie run x reader#cookie run kingdom x reader#pure vanilla#pure vanilla cookie#frozen pure vanilla cookie#pure vanilla cookie x reader#frozen pure vanilla cookie x reader#au#cursed ancients au#cursed ancients au x reader#short reader#you get comfort the poor guy he really needs it#my au
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Episode 11 reactions! Much delayed but here they are.
We are fifteen minutes in and Emily’s already crying. This is gonna be so fine and such a good thing for my mental health tonight huh.
“I am big. And I am bad” “But so am I now.” I’m gonna SOB
Red and the Wolf’s relationship is so important to me actually.
“No, stop, in reference to what?!” Brennan fully pulling them out of this very intense scene because he’s had it with Beardsley’s shit and he needs them to explain this one goddammit.
At some point when I’m not sleep deprived and stressed out of my mind I am going to do a mini character analysis on why Ylfa loves secrets because I think if I poke at it for long enough there’s something there.
Ylfa introducing him as Death 🥺
HASHTAGPONDLIFE
Does anyone have more info on the sword?
Mech? Destroyed. Pig? Eaten. Death? Totally chill, he likes a bit of defiance!
Impeccable use of a disguise kit. The wolf loves his fun little blond ombre patch.
Mer-King mention we are getting closer and closer to the little mermaid
Which hopefully means we are also getting closer to more Cinderella interactions!
Rumplestiltskin lore?
Oh fuck oh god so it’s the baron’s fault Marienne and Greenleigh fell??? Snowhold sent giants to defeat Marienne because Tomas denied the council of kings, and I don’t think there was a chance in hell any greenleigh royalty would join…
Restoring order and decency. I mean this completely seriously that is chilling.
Snow White Necromancer?? Ok sick
Conniving pig working with the faeries ugh
So everyone is working towards something that they think is good and true and actually it’s all just different layers of fucking over other people.
Jack. Jack the Giant Killer. Jack who is no longer Mother Goose’s son. Oh no. Oh oh no.
I really hope Brennan is going to involve the actual original Snow Queen tale, it’s fucking fascinating and she’s just been mentioned so I have hope.
Babe wake up new Plug’s Butt Ugly Stuff Hut just dropped
Ooooooohohoho do we get to go to Toy Island where it’s just Boys boys and nothing but boys being their beautiful selves and living their best lives ☺️
“I might just walk to snowhold by myself.”
Bubblegum and whiskey, new favorite drink ig.
Murph and Zac in perfect unison incredible
Goose and Gerard being actual adult friends is so nice.
Full five seconds of horrified silence after “hey wolf… how do you like to have sex?”
One day you will die.
DOES THE WOLF KNOW BABA YAGA IS THAT WHATS ABOUT TO HAPPEN
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Fucking love the Baba Yaga cannot wait to meet her.
What the fuck kind of favor could the deity of death owe to the oldest witch oh god
Ally is just murdering Brennan with the one liners today
The Baba Yaga canonically plays ukulele in the Neverafter. Okay. Hate that. But sure.
Jam sesh :)
Gander being creeeeepy
Never mind he’s just Hannah Montana
Girls, boys, bubble gum and toys, and a whoooole lotta whiskey
“Let’s not just sell our souls instantly” says Brian Murphy, player of Cody Walsh.
Fun older cousin type shopping spree!!!
Zac and Murph in confused unison once again
Hand knit training bra from the baba yaga
The commitment to the bit from ALL OF THEM I love that Brennan just fully accepted it and went with it
RETURN OF THE ADULT SLEEPOVER
The wolf still has the wig yay
Pib and Ylfa friendship so important to me
PIB DEVELOPMENT I’m so glad he had that conversation with the wolf.
Snowball fight 🥺
He said seal skin and my ears pricked up, if there are selkies… I will lose it
Oh this is part of ze bit. I see. Zis is funny because she is ze one who has not worn ze crown.
“Is everyone okay” what an insane thing to ask in this situation
Oh this is a story I’ve never even heard, this is fascinating.
Episode Trailer Reactions:
ELODY?????
Emily’s outfit is so good
Dead princes continue
Evil witch laughter. Neat.
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Could you do a fluff Regulus x fem!reader where it’s snowing and they jump into the black lake with their cloths/uniform on and yk ✨main character vibes✨ and then afterwards they both have a cold
Sorry this took so long! thank you so much for this request, I think I made regulus a bit more softer than usual. 🌻
Meant To Be [ Regulus Black ]
word count: 2148
[ warning: fem reader, a little bit of soft Regulus, description of pain caused by temperature, clothes sharing, kissing, hand holding, nicknames such as “love” “princess”, description of sick/colds, medicine taking ]
Hogwarts wasn't as fun with only a small percent of the students left. Most Students were home with their family's, making memories and building snowmen.
You, however, had stayed for the Christmas break. All your roommates had gone home, even some teachers. It felt so quiet walking down the hallways, no gossip or news being shared. Snow had fallen from the sky, coating the Hogwarts grounds with sparkling white.
Luckily, your boyfriend Regulus had convinced his mother to let him stay for the break. You almost squealed at the news. Finally, you could get your boyfriend all to yourself, he was always covered in girls.
You weren't the only one who hated the encounters, Regulus was furious every time a girl would come up to him and completely push you aside.
So here you were, Hands laced together as you run down the empty hallway. You giggled as you heard Regulus ask for you both to slow down, he was curious about where you were taking him.
You flipped back, slowing your speed as you walked backwards. You smiled bright, eyes sparkling like the snow as you tighten the grip on his hand.
"I heard from a 7th year that if a couple jumps in the black lake together, they will stay together forever!" You explained, pushing him further along as you made it to the outside.
You looked up at the warm sun, feet crunching against the snow as you basked in the glow.
"I'm sorry what? That's completely insane, you do realize that right?" Regulus said, eyes slightly wider as he thought about jumping in a cold lake.
"Oh Regulus, if we believe it to be true then it is!" You told him, smiling up at him as you pulled him closer to you. The wind pricked at your exposed skin, your hair getting tossed in every direction.
"Yeah, if you believe in fairies. But I'm not jumping in a frozen lake for you to proclaim some bogus myth" Regulus said while planting his feet, drawing you closer to him as he cupped your jaw.
"I'm not letting you jump in a frozen lake, I already know I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with you," Regulus told you, leaning down to press his lips to yours. You smiled with closed eyes, pushing into his kiss as you held onto his forearm.
"I know our love is forever, but we might as well make it official" you whispered, slipping from his hands as you dashed towards the doc.
You heard Regulus call out for you, immediately running after you as you reached the wooden steps. You almost slipped on the ice, sliding down the doc as your arms sprawled out around you.
"Hey! Be careful!" Regulus yelled, now on the doc as well as he couldn't help but laugh at your attempt to stay upright.
"I love you," you told him, letting your feet slip off the edge of the icy wood as you fell back into the cold lake.
Water engulfed your body, the temperature sending stabs to your body as you swam up to the surface.
You broke free just as soon as another splash ruffled the water, Regulus had jumped in after you. You giggled, watching as his head popped up over the waves, his hair flat against his face.
"You jumped in with me!" You yelled, he didn't reply instead he went under the water. His arms wrapping around your waist as he lifted you into his arms.
His face came next to yours, his face pales from the cold as he held onto you tighter.
"You little menace," Regulus said while letting out a laugh. You hardly ever got to hear Regulus's laugh, he was always so quiet and shy. It was nice to finally get loose with him, it felt like you truly were going to live forever with him.
His lips met yours, kissing you with his cold thin lips. You smiled, letting your eyes shut as you leaned closer to the kiss. He pulled away quickly, leading you towards the doc.
"Okay, we must get out now. I don't want you catching a cold" Regulus tried to sound persistent and firm, but when he saw you laugh he couldn't help but take a moment to laugh with you. This moment with like a dream, it all happened so fast that you couldn't even process the cold nipping at your wet clothes.
"Regulus it's freezing!" You yelled out when your adrenaline ran out, your arms wrapped around yourself as you try and find warmth.
"I told you! Your so demanding," Regulus muttered, looking around for your shoes before he saw them wash away down the lake.
"Oh you love it," you teased, kissing his cheek with your shivering lips as you look for your shoes as well. When you saw them halfway past the water, you shivered on impact.
"Come on, I'll get you new shoes," Regulus said, leading you to the castle as you crept along with the snow. Your feet froze, pale and raw as you make it to stone.
Regulus looked over you, sighing before shaking out his hair and picking you up quickly. You wrapped your arms around him instantly, afraid you'd fall.
"Regulus, this is unnecessary," you told him, but you secretly loved it. Regulus rarely ever went out of his way to do affectionate things in public, and though there were no people around to witness, it still made you feel loved.
"No, it's my responsibility as your boyfriend," he proclaimed, striding down the hall until he made his way to the entrance of the Slytherin common room.
"Future Husband," you corrected, your head leaning against his chest as you felt the bumps every time he took a step.
Regulus grinned to himself, opening the door with his foot as he plopped you on the nearest chair.
"What jumper do you want to wear?" He asked, peeling off his wettened tie and shirt as he slipped on a clean white long-sleeve. He went off to the bathroom quickly to grab you a towel.
"The green one," you say, ringing your hair out with the towel as you shiver. Regulus glanced over at you and gave you a look, his lips in a thin line.
"Well, that's real specific isn't it," Regulus said, holding up 3 different jumpers, all in green. You laughed, pointing to the one in his left hand.
He tossed you his jumper, turning around so you could undress without staring eyes. Later on, he tossed you his sweat pants, which were way too big for you.
Both of you had gotten dressed in warm clothes, Regulus had insisted you wear 2 pairs of socks to make sure your feet won't freeze. He looked at you, his clothes were abnormally large on you, he absolutely loved it.
Regulus led you to his bed, helping you under the covers as his hands wrapped around your waist. He pulled you closer, kissing your forehead. You smiled at the feeling, relaxing back into his chest. You felt warmth wash over you, you interlocked your fingers with his before falling fast asleep in comfort.
—
The morning after you woke up to the sun shining through his window, Regulus pressed against your side. His head buried into your neck as he pulled you ever so closer.
"Morning," you mumbled out, your eyes opening slightly. His room was dark, it usually smelt like burning wood and men's cologne. Your nose was clogged, making you twitch it as realized how sore your body felt.
"Morning, princess," he muttered tiredly, his voice was raw. You heard him clear his throat, realizing that you both had been sick from the lake jump.
"We're sick," you declared, rolling over to face Regulus. His nose was slightly red, his eyes looked tired. You brought your hand up to his cheek, rubbing your thumb over his smooth features.
"I don't get sick," Regulus said while his hand rubbed the small of your back in a comfortable manner. You giggled, your head resting on his shoulder.
"Why are you all stuffy then?" You asked, closing your eyes as you adjusted to the feeling of being awake. You had to force yourself to open your eyes, blinking back sleepiness.
"I'm not, your hallucinating because you're sick," his words were almost convincing, but you heard him hold back a sneeze. You pulled out of his grasp, sliding to the edge of the bed.
"Where are you going?" He asked, sitting up as he rubbed his eye with the palm of his hand.
"Getting supplies to heal you," you explain, going into his bathroom. Regulus flopped back down on his bed, closing his eyes with a flustered expression. He felt silly having someone care for him.
You grabbed a cloth, running it in warm water as you squeezed the excess out. You did the same to another cloth, dipping it in cold water.
You left the bathroom after a few moments, going back to Regulus.
You climbed atop of his bed, your fingers coming to comb through his hair. He grew it out over the school year, much like his brother. His hair was jet black, waves spinning out everywhere.
"Hi," you whispered, placing the warm cloth against his pale skin. You pressed it firmly against his forehead then moved to press it against his cheek. The cloth left red imprints, you smiled as you dabbed his face.
"This is silly," Regulus commented as you switched to the cold cloth, pressing it against his warm skin. You let the cloth rest against his forehead, smiling down at him.
"Taking care of you isn't silly," you replied blankly, moving the cloth to his cheeks. You walked to the bathroom again, grabbing some cold medicine.
Regulus groaned as he saw you leave the bathroom with the medicine in your hand, you rolled your eyes. Pouring the liquid into the small measuring cup, you pass him the cup. He eyed it, giving you a long frown.
"Drink," you told him, walking over to the jug of water that sat by the window. Ice cubes swam in it, never melting. You poured him a generous glass as he drank the medicine.
He made a small face, making you giggle. Passing him the water, he held you out the medicine cup.
"You're sick too," Regulus said, placing the glass down on his nightstand. You made a small face at the thought, pouring yourself some medicine. You downed it quickly, gagging at the bitter taste.
You reached for his glass, taking a sip as you washed down the remaining taste. You took the cold cloth from his face, pressing it against your own. You flopped down beside him, exhaling in relief from the cold compress.
"My mother never did this for me," Regulus whispered in a small voice, you opened your eyes, casting your vision to where he laid.
"Well now you have me, I'll always take care of you Reggie," you told him, leaning over to kiss his cheek. You placed the cold compress back against his forehead.
"I'm so lucky to have you," Regulus looked like he was about to cry, his voice was strained and his eyes were red. You stroked his cheek, a gentle smile forming.
"You deserve me Regulus, it's not luck. I'm meant to be with you," you avowed, leaning down to capture his lips against yours. Every time you kiss him, it feels like the first time again.
Slowly pulling away, your eyes squinted slightly as you stare into his dark ones. His hand found yours, overlapping his fingers over yours.
"You're my soulmate, every life I'm given I promise I'll find you," Regulus promised and he meant it. He rose on his elbows, tossing the cloth to his bedside table. His empty hand coming to hold your face. He pulled you into a heart-stopping kiss, every ounce of love he offered you poured into this kiss.
"Not if I find you first," you exhaled, resting your forehead against his. Regulus stared lovingly into your eyes, a small smile embedded on his face.
"Come on, I wanna sleep for a little longer," he said, relaxing back onto the bed. He brought you down with him, holding you close. His chin propped up against yours, you lean into his shoulder. He smelt like home, your hands still encased with his.
"You promise you'll find me in our next life," you asked, sleep slowly starting to take over your body. You stayed awake long enough to hear his answer.
"Always," Regulus claimed, hearing your breath even as you slept. He smiled to himself, kissing your forehead. He let his eyes close, contempt with having you in his arms. Regulus fell asleep shortly after you did, finally happy about having someone that he cared so deeply for.
#sirius black#regulus black#regulus black x you#regulus black x reader#regulus black x reader headcanons#regulus black oneshot#marauder x reader#marauder x you#regulus black x reader oneshot
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The Husky and His White Cat Shizun - Chapter 21
Original Title: 二哈和他的白猫师尊
Genres: Drama, Romance, Tragedy, Xianxia, Yaoi
This translation is based on multiple MTLs and my own limited knowledge of Chinese characters. If I have made any egregious mistakes, please let me know.
Chapter Index
Chapter 21 - This Venerable One Will Tell You a Story (Part 3)
Yao Qianjin had quite a temperament. When she got back, she didn't even think about eating and went straight to pestering her father to inquire about Chen Bohuan. Although Chen Bohuan was already married, it was done behind closed doors. Who knew about it? Even when their marriage had been arranged, the town never knew about their relationship.
So Yao Qianjin learned that the eldest Chen son "wasn't married yet."
The county magistrate made several inquiries and found that Xiao Chen was capable, gentle-tempered, and his familial situation was good, so he sent someone to talk to the Chen family about the marriage.
Mr. Chen was filled with regret. They politely told the county magistrate they would think about it first. They closed the door and the two old people immediately started to quarrel.
Mr. Chen said: "Look what you've done! The poor scholar died early and his daughter should have mourned him for three years. If you hadn't been in such a hurry for them to get married, our son wouldn't have to regret it now! Look at what happened!"
Madam Chen was also anxious: "You're blaming me? Weren't you the one who wanted to arrange the marriage in the first place? Now there's a better option: the daughter of the county magistrate! Can. . . can Luo Xianxian compare to that?"
The two elders closed the door and quarrelled until they were red in the face. At the end of the quarrel, they were exhausted and panting across the table from each other.
Mr. Chen asked: "What should we do? Should we call back the magistrate?"
Madam Chen said: ". . . We can't do that. Our family is relying on Yao Qianjin's money."
Mr. Chen said angrily: "Then will the daughter of the Yao family be a concubine? Will she? Our son already has somebody, how can we add another? Look at how in love they are!"
". . ." Madam Chen didn't say anything for a while. Her eyes suddenly lit up, and she murmured, "If you think about Luo Xianxian and our son, except for our family, no one knows about them. . ."
After a few moments of silence, Mr. Chen was shocked when he suddenly understood his wife's intentions.
He was trembling, half from panic, half from anger.
"You - you mean. . ."
"If no one knows about it, it doesn't count as a real marriage." Madam Chen said. "Let's try to find a way to get rid of her. We can do whatever it takes. All the surrounding villages think he's unmarried. Do you remember how she stole oranges from us as a child? As long as we all stick to that story, no one would believe her word over ours!"
Mr. Chen strode to the door, confirmed that the door was closed tightly, and hurriedly rushed over. The two people who had been arguing like two chickens in a cockfight were nestled together again, quietly lowering their voices, and discussed.
Mr. Chen said: "This method of you, I'm afraid it won't work."
"What's wrong?"
"Our son won't agree. He's had a crush on Luo Xianxian his whole life. Why would he agree to drive her away for someone else?"
Madam Chen thought for a while. She patted her husband's hand and said, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it."
After a while, Madam Chen suddenly became seriously ill. It was a strange illness. The doctor couldn't explain the reason, but she just would have fits all day and talked nonsense, saying she was possessed by a ghost.
Mr. Chen was terrified so he asked a Daoist priest to come. He carried a whisk on his back and said that there was something negative in the Chen family directed at Madam Chen. If it wasn't resolved, Madam Chen wouldn't make it to the new year.
Chen Bohuan, who was the most filial, anxiously asked: "What attacked my mother?"
The Daoist priest pretended to be mysterious and hesitated for a while. He said it was a "beauty who couldn't see the light of day."
Everyone in the room froze. The Chen family's sons all turned to look at Luo Xianxian standing on the side.
Luo Xianxian also froze.
She has been told many times when she was a child that her life is cursed. She brought tragedy with her. As soon as she was born, she killed her mother, then her brother, and later her father.
Now, she was being accused again, saying that she was going to kill her mother-in-law.
The Chen family was petrified. The sons took turns telling her to leave the Chen family. Besides, no one outside the family knew that she was married and had an innocent reputation. They would give her some money and let her find another good family.
Luo Xianxian was anxious and afraid. She was really worried that she was killing Madam Chen and she couldn't control her tears.
Chen Bohuan was heartbroken. As he watched his mother grow weaker, he was caught between a rock and a hard place. He didn't want to leave Luo Xianxian, but he couldn't bear to watch his mother suffer. She had lost so much weight in such a short amount of time.
The brothers of the Chen family quit trying to be civil. One day, while their elder brother was away, they sought out their sister-in-law. Luo Xianxian was mixing butterfly fragrant powder in the greenhouse. They rushed up and knocked over her utensils. The fragrant powder fell on her. The pungent aroma seemed to instantly seep into her bones and she couldn't wash it off.
The brothers surrounded her and talked about the most important duties, such as "a woman's virtue", how a wife and daughter should be humble, parents should be respected but Luo Xianxian was very tough. Although timid, she was very stubborn. She cried and said she didn't want to leave, begging them to think of another way.
The second son of the Chen family was impatient so he went up and slapped her. He said: "You're going to kill our mother, you cursed bitch. If there was another way, would your father have died? Would your mother have died? Would your brother be dead or alive?"
As soon as he beat her, the rest of them rushed up, punching and kicking Luo Xianxian, shouting things like "get out", "vermin" and "quick fuck".
These sons had the same idea as their mother. In fact, they had known about their mother's idea for a long time. At this time, taking advantage of their elder brother's absence, they worked together to expel Luo Xianxian from the house. They threatened that if she dared to come back, they would beat her every day. She didn't have a family anyways. If she was beaten to death, no one would care.
It was a snowy night. Luo Xianxian was thrown into the snow covered in bruises and one of the embroidered shoes on her feet had fallen off.
She slowly crawled forward, a muffled choked sob escaping her lips, like the low howl of a dying cub.
It was late at night. Few people would be outside on such a snowy day. She crawled through the vast world, not knowing where she was going, not knowing where else she could go.
The Chen brothers were right.
She had no family; no father, no brother. No one to stand up for her, no one to take her in.
There was nowhere she could go in this white, awe-inspiring world.
Her bones were weak, and she was wearing thin clothes when she was thrown out, so her legs and feet quickly became numb and useless.
Crawling all the way to the outskirts of the city, she came to the earth temple where the Master of Ceremonies Ghost was enshrined. She curled up in the temple to hide from the snow. Her lips were blue and frozen, and her heart felt even colder.
Looking up at the clay statue with gorgeous red makeup, she couldn't stop the tears rolling down her face. It made her think of the rules of the Lower Cultivation World, and how a married couple should have a master of ceremonies to witness it.
At that time, all she had was a red flower hairpin, a beautiful smile and Chen Bohuan kneeling next to her.
Was this closed-door marriage all a big dream? That day, the beauty in the brass mirror was picturesque. Was it just a greedy joy that she had concocted deep in her mind?
She knelt in front of the Master of Ceremonies Ghost, dragging her increasingly heavier and cold body. She bowed three times, crying and laughing.
"Married as husband and wife. No doubt about their love. Rejoice. . . in this. . . tonight. . ."
She started to feel dizzy and her vision was getting blurry.
A thin layer of moonlight seemed to sprinkle in front of her eyes. In the small courtyard from her past, she cried and said: "I didn't steal. I didn't steal. I didn't steal the oranges."
However, three men make a tiger* and everyone was terrified. No one would believe her side of the story.
*(T/N: 三人成虎 - means that the more someone repeats something absurd, the more likely people are to believe it)
To this day, she knew that even if she ran up to every person she saw and screamed that she was Chen Bohuan's wife, no one would believe her. She was still the same little girl as back then, stuck behind the mud wall with no one to share her grievances with.
Nothing had changed.
But there was still that person, looking over the wall, holding a white steamed bun, stuffed into her palm, saying: "If you're hungry, eat a steamed bun to curb your hunger."
Now. . . that person. . . where was he. . .
When he came back and couldn't find her, would he be worried, or would he secretly breathe a sigh of relief because his mother would be safe from her?
Luo Xianxian curled up in the earth temple, eyes dripping with gradually drying tears, and whispered: "Madam Master of Ceremonies, I want to be with him. I'm his wife. . . When we came to the temple, we didn't have a master of ceremonies with us. You're a Master of Ceremonies Ghost. You can't control the living, but I. . . You're the only one I can talk to. . . and I can tell you. . ."
She whimpered in a broken voice, the last sound coming out of her throat: "I didn't lie. . ."
I didn't lie.
The heavy snow was silent, and the long night was quiet.
The next day, the townspeople who passed by the earth temple on the outskirts of the city found Luo Xianxian's cold body.
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#the husky and his white cat shizun translation#the husky and his white cat shizun#2ha novel#2ha translation#2ha#chinese bl#bl novel#chinese novel#yaoi novel#yaoi#danmei novel#danmei#english translation#mo ran#chu wanning#ranwan
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my first and last || huang renjun
¤ pairing : huang renjun x reader
¤ genre : fluff, slight crack, major angst, romance, drama, slight fantasy! au, slight coming of age!au, first love!au, slight 1880s!au, adventure!au, painter!renjun x street singer!y/n. runaway!au
¤ synopsis : Huang Renjun was born on the coldest day on earth, which causes his heart to be frozen solid, requiring a replacement. The makeshift Doctor, Madam Wendy, who provides midwifery and medical services to the poor and the desperate of Edinburgh, grafts a miniature cuckoo clock in order to save it.
However his newfound cuckoo clock heart was so fragile that it could end him in a terrible fate of death if he does not follow the three rules said doctor had provided for him. One of which was he must never fall in love. Do come and enter this adventure through Renjun’s eyes as he falls for a street singer who hates wearing glasses despite of her poor eyesight.
¤ warnings: character death, HEAVY angst, mentions of blood, loss of family member, reader has terrible eyesight and is painfully oblivious, Madam Wendy mentions about her abortion, maybe some swearing (do people even swear in the olden days?), historical inaccuracies is sexy, heartbreak, renjun is mentally exhausted, mentions of taking ones life (once), adults smoking, reader wears glasses at the end. shakespeare shaming because i have a grudge against that man. hISTORICAL INNACURACIES. Renjun gets slapped by Wendy once, renjun gets hypothermia. i feel like this was quite rushed idk
¤ word count : 29.2k
¤ heavily inspired by La Mécanique du cœur (the movie, not the novel because I’m not that cruel)
¤ playlist: my everything - nct u, instagram - dean, wayo - bang yedam, francis forever - mitski mitski, anxiete - pomme, faded in my last song - nct u, line without a hook - ricky montgomery, moi cest - camelia jordana, my first and last - nct dream, beautiful time - nct dream,
¤ a/n: special thanks to @lebrookestore for making this sexy header
‘Love. What does that feel like?' Renjun would always wonder.
As his paint brush strokes the canvas, eliciting a bright yellow mark on the object, Renjun continued to stare into his painting with a void of emotion. Whenever the occasional question 'what does it feel like to love or to be loved?' pops up in his mind, he would often furrow his brows and purse his lips in a small pout in confusion at the thought.
Renjun didn't know what it felt like to love, for his caretaker, Madame Wendy, had always told him since he was a young boy that 'love is the last thing you need in this world, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal.' Renjun didn’t care much for the aspects of love. How can he fall in love when he doesn’t even know what love is? What does it feel like to feel love? How can you feel love?
If you take one small glance at Huang Renjun, you would instantly have the assumption that he was a rather cold-hearted, emotionless young boy. Eyes so icy cold and void of emotion, it could send shivers down your spine. Though, fortunately for everyone else, it was quite rare of the young boy to walk out of his home. Some might say that he would step out of his home ‘once in a blue moon’ or whenever the sun shone brightly over the old town, which was quite rare considering it had been raining frequently these past few months in Edinburgh, France.
However, what they didn’t know was that the reason behind his infrequent appearance was quite tragic. He was an unfortunate young boy, really. Only a few people have known this, but long long ago, a sudden harsh snowfall hit his town on the day he was born. It was recorded as the coldest day on earth, for the snow had frozen everything in its path including the poor boy’s heart. Quite literally, not figuratively.
Renjun’s biological mother had journeyed through the cold town to the house up the steeple. Rumors say, the quote unquote ‘witch’ of the town, who specialized in the medical department with her own unique ways that left doctors skeptical and poor. From what his caretaker had told him, she was holding her belly throughout the long journey as she tried her best to endure the cold without slipping on the frozen concrete. Muttering how if she could, she would’ve kept her child in her tummy safe and sound from the cruel world.
How she slipped and fell unconscious in front of his current caretaker’s house with her tears frozen on top of her cold cheeks, how she was brought in and taken in just in time to warm up to gain consciousness and go through the birth process. He remembered being told how the moment he was born, he had to undergo intense surgery immediately for he almost didn’t survive. He remembered being told that his heart had turned cold.
“Cold, not Gold, Renjun. A heart made of ice. As in cubes not cream,” as his caretaker would say.
Since donors weren't available at the time as it was already way past midnight, he needed surgery before his heart stopped beating under the hard exterior of the ice growing around his heart. Luckily for him, Madame Wendy had improvised one with her excellent expertise. She built a small clock the size of her palm that nearly covered his whole chest at the time. Considering she was known for being a witch in town, (even though she tried to explain a countless amount of times that she was a mere mechanic with a medical degree) she miraculously provided him with a fragile heart made from scratch.
However, the night of his birth was also the night his mother had decided to leave him with Madame Wendy, convinced that she would make a better mother for Renjun that she could ever have. It was quite a tragic tale. However, Renjun didn’t think much of it. Nor did he feel any sort of upsetting emotions like longing, curiosity and sadness. Why would he? He doesn’t even remember what his biological mother had looked like. He doesn’t know how to feel anymore other than the faux happiness his mother had taught him how to feel to ease the numbing feeling in his hollow, ticking heart held nothing but dust.
A heart that was purely made out of strong wood, cogs and screws. One that makes soft, calming tick tocks that goes along with the soft pitter patters of rain drops with every beat, one that makes cuckoo’s every time it’s arrow struck 12. One that needs winding every single day with a golden key his caretaker had provided him ever since he was born. One with ironically three rules that he should always follow on a day to day basis.
-
“Recite those rules once again, Renjun,” she ordered as she buttons up her adoptive child’s white shirt up to his neck. “Do I have to? I’ve been reciting this for years now,” Renjun would whine, looking down at his mother’s loving hands as she flicked her forehead softly with a face void of emotion. “It’s for your own good, Renjun. I can’t have you forgetting something this important, you know very well that your life depends on these three rules.” She tugged on the collar of her child’s shirt down.
“Before I let you run off to town with me, I prefer that your heart would be much stronger,” she swiped her fingers through Renjun’s hair, swefting it to the side to make it neat. “Every beat of your heart is a minor miracle. You’re a fragile piece of work, far more fragile than glass,” the older woman explained, laying her hands on the boy’s shoulder with a grim expression. “I know,” Renjun replied with a sigh, shrugging his shoulders to release tension in his body.
He sighed again, the young boy looked up at the ceiling to avoid his mother’s cold stare. “Firstly, never touch the hands of my heart,” he began, letting out an annoyed sigh as he felt his mother tucking his small key into the pocket sewed on his chest. “Yes, what else?” Madame Wendy asked, kneeling down to look at the child in the eye. “Keep your temper under control,” they recited in unison with the same emotionless tone.
“And the last one?”
“Whatever I do, I must never ever fall in love.”
“Indeed, that’s why I’m so scared of letting you into town. You haven’t experienced love yet so far in your life, it is very important that you stay that way,” she said, standing up on her feet as her hand returned to Renjun’s shoulder. “I know,” he mumbled once again, looking up at his caretaker’s eyes as if to hide the fact that he wasn’t listening a total hundred percent to what she was saying. “It could be the very death of you, Renjun. Your fragile heart won’t be able to stand the emotional, mental and physical shock provoked with the feeling of love,” she explained once again, a worried expression glossing over her face.
“I know, I know. You tell me that almost everyday,” he muttered, playing with the small buttons on the clock that is his own heart. “My heart is not a toy, therefore it is not to be played with.” he almost rolled his eyes at the older woman, feeling her smack his hand away from his heart softly. “It is something that I want you to take seriously, Renjun,” she hissed, eyeing the small mechanic artwork on the boy’s chest. “How can I even fall in love when I don’t know anything about love?”
-
To Renjun, today was like any other day of the year. The sun shining brightly against his skin, the cloudy grey sky accenting the sky’s beauty. His hair gelled to the side to reveal some of his forehead and leaving a few strands of his hair to tickle his skin perfectly, his calloused hand gripping his 60 x 90 cm canvas and his large box of acrylic paints to his side, his favorite paintbrush hanging against the skin in between his ear and his fluffy short hair.
Spinning one of his smaller paint brushes in his free hand, right between his fingers as he walked down the sidewalk of his home town, trying to find a spot to sit and paint. It was his birthday recently, so his mother had delightfully just bought a fresh new set of acrylic paints, considering he finished them on his last painting which was the majestic dove fountain in the middle of the town less than a month ago.
Renjun was only ten years old when his caretaker took him out to wander around town, which was on his birthday. It was then when Renjun was hitting the age of thirteen when his caretaker’s worry lessened when she saw that her child was nowhere to the point of Cupid’s next target. Therefore those annual town visits turned into monthly visits (under his caretaker’s supervision, of course) and when Renjun had turned thirteen years old, he had shown an interest in painting and drawing in his free time while Madame Wendy was working with a patient.
However, love can strike at any moment. And by the time Renjun became sixteen years old, he was finally allowed to venture into the town himself to paint landscapes and buy more art supplies at least once a week with a 5-6 PM curfew. Nothing more, nothing less. Cupid was cunning, therefore she believed that this was the best she could do. Considering he was a teenager, she couldn’t protect him as easily as she could back when he was still an infant. And that was what she had feared the most in her life.
Renjun sighed heavily, looking around with emotionless eyes, a cold frown forming upon his lips as he leaned his chin on his palm, his elbow supporting on his thigh and his other free hand holding the canvas on top of his legs. He wondered if there was more to life than work and oil paints, eyes wandering on the busy streets filled with the latest carriages and the latest transportation vehicles. He felt as if his life had gone by boring and aimless without knowing how to express his emotions properly. Is this what life has come to in his 16 years of living?
16 years of being almost completely isolated from this town without knowing what his caretaker was so worried about. Madam Wendy had absolutely nothing to be worried about. Renjun had witnessed love from time to time in the streets, watching a couple of different genders walking down the streets with loving expressions on their faces. Renjun could not decipher why you would be feeling such emotions. He had been venturing around town freely with his strict curfews for almost four months now. And all he’s done so far is wander around looking for something interesting to be his next muse or visit the local library to read books.
One of the books Renjun was absolutely fascinated on reading was this book the librarian had recommended to him on his first visit, ‘The Great Expectations’ by Charles Dickens. It was a small story of a young boy named Pip who went through amazing life changing experiences and going through hardships with his rather abusive sister, his blacksmith mentor and falling in love as well with a girl named Estella. (He would always snicker whenever she comes up in a scene as her adoptive parent, Ms Havisham, ironically reminded him too much of Madam Wendy)
He often wondered if Madam Wendy’s strong dislike towards the aspects of love was merely because of his fragile condition or was it because of something deeper? However, looking back at when he found his caretaker’s family albums which were mainly pictures of her winning awards and bragging about her medical degree, he highly doubts it. (It was still fun to imagine theories while it lasted, though!)
“Ms Havisham stares at Pip coldly, and murmurs to the girl at her side: ‘Break his heart, Estella. Break his heart!’” Renjun read, his eyes moving as he read the brief summary at the back of his book. Looking down at the cuckoo clock heart hidden under his cardigan, he clicked his tongue before chuckling bitterly to himself. “‘Break his heart’, huh? What utter bonkers, you can’t break someone’s heart. That isn’t physically possible,” he shook his head in amusement, placing his book on top of the box of acrylic paints beside him.
Just as he was about to leave and head back home, a peculiar merry tune reached his ears, causing Renjun to pause in his step, looking around to find the source with furrowed brows. If this was like those small street cat sketches he would draw in his free time, it would seem like his ears perked up in slight interest. The merry tune turned on a bright spark inside of the young boy’s chest, curiosity growing in his veins at the tune he has never heard before. It was as if the angels above had descended to the earth while playing a symphony of flutes and harmonicas, making soft high pitched catchy tunes in the air.
Renjun felt entranced by the music, it was almost as if it was pulling him- beckoning him to come towards it, towards its source. It was as if his feet had a mind of his own as he fought with his own rational thoughts to either go back home or find the source of the beautiful merry tune. He couldn't help but walk to where it's coming from, curious of who was making such a wonderful tune. Sooner than later, he found himself walking down a small alley that led him into a steep staircase that led him to another part of his town. And with every step he took, the music grew louder and louder. Soon, finding light at the end to see the small part of town he rarely visits.
He put his palm on the dirty brick wall, ignoring the uncomfortable texture against his skin, head poking out as he tried to decipher where the majestic music was coming from. Squinting his eyes to adjust to the bright sunlight for the staircase was dim enough to be mistaken for a tunnel with the broken rooftops covering the ceiling, he took a step forward. His eyes widening slightly in awe as he watched a young man his age push away a stack of crates to reveal the true source of music.
A young girl, who Renjun figures is around his age, was cranking up a barrel organ right in front of the fountain. A hand going in circular motions on the crank, twisting the lever as she pulls it clockwise. The hand on her hip was soon placed on her chest when the music went on, clearing her throat softly as she began to sing along and harmonize with the melody.
Renjun stood still in his place, baffled at the daunting beauty presented before him. The girl standing a few meters away from him was singing along merrily to the tune of the phonograph record, cranking up the lever as the other townsfolk that was walking by began to gather around her, enjoying the harmony that goes along with her soothing voice and symphony of flutes and harmonicas being produced by the portable barrel organ.
As he sat down on the last step of the staircase to listen from afar, he couldn't help but pay close attention to the lyrics coming out of her lips. His paintbrush spinning in between his fingers as his mind focused on the words of the intro, smiling idly as he began to understand the words she was trying to convey.
My vision's not quite right
But glasses make me look a sight
Enough to give the world a fright, like a sprite wearing specs
Renjun couldn't help but tilt his head in confusion. 'A sprite wearing specs? What the hell was that supposed to mean?' he pondered to himself as he found himself sitting at the last step of the staircase, leaning his white canvas against the dusty brick walls before putting his palm against his cheek, his elbow supported right above his knees as he gazed in awe at the little singer.
His pupils never moved away from the young girl who began to twirl around with her hands on her hips. And that girl was you. He watched as you danced and sang as if you were in your own little world, almost clumsily bumping into an old man carrying two heavy wooden crates in his arms. He chuckled at the sight, a soft smile stretching across his face as he watched the girl apologize for almost bumping into him, making Renjun realise that she might have some sort of blurred vision with how she was squinting at the older man.
‘Or she might just be an idiot,’ Renjun thought with a deadpan expression, laying his chin on his hand as he let out a soft sigh. Renjun had been living in this town all his life, despite the fact that he rarely goes out of his own home. He’s sure that no one in this town would blast such a merry tune so shamelessly in public while dancing and singing around like a fool expressing themselves. And it was quite rare for someone to walk around with a barrel organ out of nowhere.
The music stopped midway when you let out a small yelp and clumsily tripped over your own feet as you turned to your barrel organ when the lever stopped turning, eliciting a soft giggle from Renjun. You let out a soft grunt, huffing as you ignored the slightly concerned looks of your audience. You stood up quickly, hands coming up to brush off the dust and debris off your skirt, tugging on your suspenders as you attempted to ignore the embarrassed red tint on your own cheeks as you tried to play it off as cool.
Renjun couldn't help but giggle at the sight, his cold emotionless expression morphing into one filled with the slightest bit of amusement. Though, it quite took Renjun aback when he saw you turn your head from your barrel organ to his figure sitting a few meters away from where you were standing, turning your head rapidly to find the source, raising a brow when your eyes met Renjun's. He stopped laughing when your eyes met briefly, eyes widening in shock as he began to fidget in his place as you began to waddle over to him, dragging your barrel organ with you.
Wait, were you going over to talk to him? How did you even acknowledge his existence? Did you hear him snicker at your silly antics? Even if you did, how could you even hear him with how busy your surroundings were?
You stood before him with hands on your hips, lips pursed at him. "What were you laughing at?" you asked, a slight pout adorning on your lips as you looked down at the boy who raised his brow. Renjun felt his words pile up in his throat, trying to think of something to say without offending or upsetting the girl before him, as his Seulgi and Irene (his caretaker’s weekly patients) had always told him that ‘once you anger a feisty lady, there’s no turning back!’.
Now that you were standing only a few inches away from him, he couldn’t help but take a small moment to observe your appearance more clearly. Renjun's eyes couldn't help but wander towards your figure, examining your facial features in full detail. The way the sunlight reflected upon your pupils, how your figure stood out that he could barely decipher that other people were present around them. The way your dress framed your body, lips pursed with a slight pout, eyelids fluttering softly as you blinked at him as you were waiting for a response. Renjun wondered how someone could look this entrancing.
"Hello? Are you listening to me?!"
Renjun blinked, snapping out of his thoughts. His mouth opening as his pupils went back up to catch the intense glare that the girl in front of him was sending. He closed his mouth when he realized he didn't know what to say in response, his mind turning blank when he saw you quirked one of your eyebrows up suspiciously. "I don't- How can you even hear me laugh from such a distance?" Renjun's voice faltered nervously, trying to avoid your question, furrowing his brows.
Your expression lightened slightly at the nervous boy, a bright smile of your own stretching across her face. "Out of all of my five senses, my hearing has always been the best considering I don't rely much on my eyes," you shrugged, sitting beside him on the last step of the stairs. Stretching your legs out as you used your palms to smoothen your dress before crossing your arms on your thighs and turning your head to look at the boy. "I saw you staring at me from a distance, was I that good?" you smirked, raising a brow.
“You saw me? I thought you said you can’t rely on your eyes that much?” he asked in a weak attempt to dodge your question once again. “I lied, some lady told me that you were staring at me even after this old thing gave up on me,” you huffed, kicking your foot lightly at the old barrel organ in front of you. “Stop dodging my question. I don’t want to assume that you were stalking me or something,” you turned your head back to the boy, pointing an accusatory finger at him, wiggling the finger in front of his face teasingly.
Renjun bit the inside of his cheek, a scowl forming on his lips as he rolled his eyes. "Don't get too cocky, I was just perplexed. I was baffled to see someone playing such a merry tune so shamelessly in this lousy, depressing town," he responded with a click of his tongue. "How so?" you asked, tilting your head in confusion at the boy before looking around at your surroundings. “This town doesn’t look that depressing to me. Just needed some lighting up, that’s all,” your positivity elicited another scoff from the boy.
Renjun turned to you, brows furrowed slightly, confused as to how you couldn’t see how this town was the literal epitome of the Great Depression itself. "You're not from here, are you? Come to think of it, I've never seen you around here before." Renjun asked with a curious expression, watching as a cheeky grin formed across your face. "You got me there." You let out a soft chuckle, shrugging shamelessly before gazing up at the cloudy grey sky.
"My parents and I just moved in today. They told me to run off and go dilly dally-ing around town so as to not bother them as they set up the whole place,” you explained, nodding towards your barrel organ. “I think I made a great first impression as the new lady in town, don’t you think?” you asked, giving him a sweet smile, ignoring how Renjun gave you an affirming shake of his head to say ‘no’ bluntly. “Well I definitely knocked your socks off, didn’t I? That’s enough for me!” you exclaimed brightly, clasping your hands together.
“You don’t even know me. I don’t even know you. And how would you know if I was moved by your oh-so-stupendous actions?” Renjun rolled his eyes sarcastically, gripping his canvas tightly as he spoke, looking down at his shoes. He had never spoken to someone his age before without being forced by his caretaker or having to meet them for the first time at Madam Wendy’s home. It was quite new for him to be talking to a lady as well, for most of them were too shy to even talk to the young lad for his cold glare struck shivers down their spine.
“The sound of your laugh was enough to convince me that my actions were indeed stupendous, good sir!” you shot back confidently, a proud smile on your face as you placed your hands on your knees. “Oh bother,” he muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes once again at you, ignoring how the confusion he felt when the cogs and gears of his heart were speeding up in action. “I’m Y/n, by the way! It’s good to know I made a friend on my first day in Edinburgh. Perhaps my mini shameless performance wasn’t entirely fruitless!” you reached your hand out, gesturing for him to shake it.
Renjun looked at your hand for a brief moment, pupils gazing back up at your happy expression, raising a brow at you before sighing heavily. He pulled his hand from his canvas before leaning over to shake your hand gently, “Renjun. Huang Renjun,” he introduced, his tone emotionless. Your hand was warm and soft unlike his own dry ones. Your hand had small specks of dust, which he assumed were from the dusty lever of the barrel organ while his own was covered with dry acrylic paint from his previously wet canvas.
Upon the warm feeling surging through his body at the touch, he felt the tiny mechanical bird inside of his cuckoo clock heart burst out from his clock in response when his skin touched yours, the sharp wooden beak hitting the fabric of his jacket alarmingly. Thus making a small, almost inaudible ‘cuckoo’ that only Renjun (fortunately) heard.
"It’s lovely to be your acquaintance, Huang Renjun. Though, I must warn you, I might not be here for long. My family has been travelling from town to town for years, searching for something.” You told him, pulling your hand back to your side with a small shrug. “Searching? Searching for what exactly?” Renjun asked, watching your expression turned unreadable. You shrugged, leaning your cheek against your palm, your elbow supporting on your leg. “That’s the thing! I’m not quite sure, they won’t tell me.”
“A treasure chest, perhaps?” Renjun suggested, putting a hand on his chin in thought. “Perhaps so. Though, I’m searching for something myself, as well. I haven't found it yet and I doubt I'm going to find it here." you sighed simply, leaning your head up to gaze at the cloudy sky. Eyes watching as the sun was barely visible due to the thick grey clouds layering over it, signalling that it might rain soon.
"Well, what are you searching for exactly? Treasure? Money? Wealth is considered as a greedy sin in this town, so I don't think this is some place where you can find those." Renjun hummed, his hand going back to gripping his canvas as he felt the cogs and gears in his heart working faster than usual. Hell, he didn't know why he was so curious about this. This was none of his business, after all. This was your problem, why was he so keen on keeping the conversation going? Why was he so intrigued in a young foreign singer his age he’s just met?
You shook your head, sucking your lips into your mouth before pulling your bottom lip out in a pout. "I’m not a fool, Renjun. I'm not really interested in wealth or fortune. Though, telling you about my life goal appears to be too intimate for us, don’t you think? We just met after all. So all that I can say at the moment that what I’m searching for is for me to know and for you to find out," you send him a teasing smile, causing Renjun to frown and roll his eyes in annoyance, leaning back slightly before sending you a deadpan expression,
"Does your extravagant search involve spectacles? You might look like you might need them, I know someone that could handle that," he mused, his lips quirking up into a teasing smirk, causing a frown to display on your face. A dead panned expression morphing on to your facial features. "I may have really terrible eyesight, but that isn't a way to talk to a lady, Renjun." you pressed your lips on to a thin line, rolling your eyes at the boy as you let out a soft laugh with a shake of your head.
"Besides, I look terrible in them. As I said in my song, which I'm sure like all the other folks in this world that doesn't pay attention to the message I was trying to convey in my lyrics, it-"
"It makes quite a sight, enough to give the world a fright like a sprite wearing specs?"
You furrowed your brows as Renjun let out a sheepish smile with a raise of his eyebrow, teasing you as a baffled expression laid upon your features at his words. "You were saying, Y/n?" he mused, waving his hand, gesturing for you to continue with your words. Watching as your baffled expression morphed into an amused one. “Oh, that was quite charming of you, Huang,” you shot back with a flirty grin, causing the ticking of his heart to quicken against his chest, sending him small jolts of pain which he attempted to conceal with small chuckles.
"I’m surprised you were paying attention to my lyrics instead of enjoying my song like a normal human being," you huffed, pushing his face away with your palm against the side of his face, eliciting a small laugh from the boy beside you. "You really shouldn't play games with your sight though. They say a blurry vision will leave you in the dark," Renjun recited, remembering the words his caretaker had always said to him about the patients who come in their quarters using spectacles or glasses.
You shrugged innocently. "I prefer life all a blur than to look horrendous for a living. You and your pretty face wouldn't understand. Also, I tend to forget my glasses frequently despite the fact that my parents’ constant nagging to bring them around," you , causing Renjun's jaw to drop at your bold statement. He has heard compliments about his dashing looks ever since he was a young boy from Madam Wendy’s relatives but ‘pretty’ wasn’t one of them, he should’ve brushed the compliment off and focus on the context of your words and stop acting as if he hadn’t been complimented before.
But however, something about this felt peculiarly different than the times where his family complimented him on his charming looks.
"Pretty? I haven’t heard that one before," Renjun spoke rather hesitantly, still quite bewildered that a woman his age had shamelessly complimented on his looks to his face. Yet again, said woman has a terrible eyesight so he couldn't be too sure that it was a compliment. You laughed, bumping your shoulder against his softly. "That’s the only thing you got out of my words? Are you an insecure lad, Huang?" you chuckled, giving him a slightly sheepish smile. “Are you sure you don’t need spectacles?” Renjun snapped back.
"I’m just pushing your buttons! I assure you that even without my glasses. I can confirm that you are quite an attractive young man, and that’s saying something considering I’ve been travelling here and there for most of my life. I'm not as blind as a bat, you know." you giggled, clicking your tongue before adding on. "Besides, it won't make much of a difference, really. Even with or without glasses, I still see a very pretty boy," you joked, laughing lightly.
“Out of all the compliments you could’ve chosen, you decided upon the word ‘pretty’? Sounds quite feminine, don’t you think?” he asked, leaning his head to the side, looking at you with half lidded eyes. He realised that he didn’t mind being called pretty, he didn’t mind being complimented by you. Despite the fact that you two had just met. But he couldn’t help but wonder why you had decided to choose ‘pretty’ instead of the other synonyms of ‘attractive’.
“Is that supposed to be a bad thing? I think pretty can be used for anything. It’s just a word after all, why do things have to be differentiated by the littlest of things? It’s just a synonym of ‘beautiful’,” you shrugged, watching as small raindrops started to pour down from the cloudy grey sky, reaching your hand out to feel the water drops hitting and wetting your skin slowly. Renjun raised his brow at you, perplexed at how you could be so nonchalant about your terrible eyesight considering his caretaker would endlessly bicker until he was forced to use spectacles until his eyes magically got better.
"What's that odd pitter patter?" you mumbled, snapping Renjun out of his thoughts once again. His eyes widened when he realised that the sound of his clock heart ticking had increased, blending well with the sound of the rain as water began to hit the surface of the concrete. He wasn’t supposed to tell anyone other than close relatives about his fragile condition, so his anxiety spiked when you turned to look at him, expecting an answer. "It's the rain." Renjun replied after a moment, gulping down his nerves before turning to you.
"Do you like the rain?" Renjun asked, gulping afterwards when he realised how your eyes softly bore into his with an unreadable expression, the eye contact making Renjun’s clock heart steam up a bit as the gears worked even faster than before. Sighing as you felt the cold breeze that comes with the rain send goosebumps across your skin, you rubbed your arms before looking back to the pouring rain. You shook your head, "getting wet? Not really."
"But the sound it makes? Yes. It always reminded me of how I used to play in the rain back when I was still in elementary school," you nodded with a soft smile.
The sound of the church bell pierced your ears, making Renjun’s eyes go wide when he realised that the clock had struck 6 pm. Quickly, he got up to his feet, his brushes almost slipping out of his fingers as he stumbled to get onto his feet. “Are you okay?” you asked, looking up at him in confusion, furrowing your brows at the boy as he gulped nervously. “I’m fine, I shouldn’t be out this late,” Renjun shook his head, biting his lip nervously when he realized that the rain wasn’t going to halt anytime soon.
“I don’t think the rain is stopping anytime soon, I suggest you wait here momentarily if you don’t want to catch a cold,” you commented, standing up as well as you stretched your hand out once again to feel the raindrops hitting your palm, smiling softly at the nostalgic feeling that came with it. He clicked his tongue, cursing at himself for letting his curiosity get the best of him as he contemplated on running all the way back home soaking wet. He wouldn’t want to lose his new found freedom.
Muttering a small curse under his breath, he stuck his book under his canvas before hovering it over his head. “Are you going to run? It’s raining cats and dogs out there,” you exclaimed, eyes growing wide when you turned your head to see him taking a deep breath. “Pardon me, unlike you, I have curfews. My caretaker would have my head if I don’t go back home soon,” Renjun deadpanned, rolling his sleeves out as he felt shivers down his spine when the cold wind blew against his skin.
Right before Renjun was about to take a step into the pouring rain, you grabbed on the sleeve of his shirt, holding him back. “Wait, when can we see each other again?” you asked, eyes boring holes into the back of his head. He paused, his cuckoo clock heart ticking loudly against his chest at the small action. He slowly turned back to you, furrowing his brows as he felt the small machine heat up against his skin, causing him to wince slightly. Noticing his small reaction, you quickly dropped your hand, apologizing abruptly before clasping your hands before your hand.
“It’s just- I haven’t been in this town for very long and I really need a friend beside me. I’m not quite fond of being alone. I know we just met, but I hope that we could be acquaintances at least?” you grinned up, your bright smile sending ominous effects to his heart as he took a moment to process your words. Renjun started at your bright expression, small steam coming out continuously from his mechanical heart as the seconds went by. His eyes dart from the rain before back to your figure standing right in front of him, waiting for his answer.
‘Acquaintances?’
Renjun has never had friends before. His caretaker would introduce him to her client’s children from time to time but (luckily for Madame Wendy) he had never shown an interest in making colleagues. But for some reason, something inside him was pulling him to say yes to you. Something inside of him wanted him to try and get to know you even more. It felt wrong. It felt very wrong. But yet again, it felt so right.
Biting his lip, he gave you a soft smile.
“I have faith that we’ll be seeing each other again very soon.”
-
“I just think it’s quite preposterous!” you exclaimed as you laid down against the smooth surface of the fountain basin. Renjun chuckled, pressing his paintbrush gently against his wooden palette to get bits of his white paint to add more details to his painting.
It's been a couple months since the day you met, and since then, you two have been growing closer by the day. Your friendship blossomed as the weeks went by. Madam Wendy wasn’t very fond when Renjun came home soaking wet after curfew, but she excused his actions when he told her that he just lost track of time at the library once again. A rare occurrence but it still happens from time to time, and considering Renjun barely lies to his caretaker, she believed him when he told her so.
Every once a week, the two of you would meet up on the same exact spot as the day you first laid eyes on each other. Renjun assumed that your house was closer considering you were always there first, twisting the crank of your barrel organ, kicking your feet as you sat on the fountain base to wait for him to arrive in your usual dark magenta dress (which he assumed to be the uniform of the school you were attending). The two of you would always walk around town, searching for spots to relax yourselves and talk about random things as you watch Renjun paint whatever that catches his eye. Overall enjoying each other’s company as if the two of you were in your own personal little bubble.
“What’s so preposterous about the infamous Romeo and Juliet, exactly?” Renjun asked, chuckling as he dabbed the brush on the canvas, blending the colours of the sky on his artwork. You clasped your hands together, huffing as you scoffed at him. “Ever since my school made us all read Romeo and Juliet for the next literature exam, I just realise how horrible this trope is,” you tossed your book to the floor with a click of your tongue, hopping off of the fountain to walk closer to Renjun.
“Do explain why you think so,” Renjun giggled, watching you dip your finger against the white paint on his palette and kneeling down to smear it against the title on the front cover of your book with a frown on your face. “Why are the females always quote unquote ‘damsels in distress’? It’s very misogynistic if you ask me!” you tsked, grabbing your book and leaning forward to show Renjun the front cover of the book. “Mister Shakespeare was truly a legendary fellow to create a piece of writing this famous, but why use poor unsuspecting 14 year old Romeo and Juliet as the female protagonist?” you complained.
“Why couldn’t it be ‘Romeo romeo, let down your hair!’ instead of ‘romeo romeo, where art thou?” It seems a bit more fair to me,” you joked, causing Renjun to furrow his brows at you. “It might be quite improper for a boy to have tremendously long hair, y/n,” he had to lay the back of his hand against his chest in an attempt to calm down his mechanic heart, feeling it heat up against his skin as he noticed how close the proximity between you were. You scoffed at the boy before you, standing up straight and letting the book hand in between your fingers.
Putting your hands on your hips, you walked in front of him, covering his view of the town. “Well it doesn’t give Mister Shakespeare a reason to give the story an unhappy ending. The despair it brings when you found out they both died in the end? Absolutely preposterous, why would anyone like books with such unhappy endings?” you added on, poking your book with a scrunched up expression, bringing a smile upon Renjun’s lips as he found your figure poking the book in your hands as endearing as watching an small innocent child playing with their own food.
He sucked in his lip, taking a moment to admire your beautiful form. The gears in his mechanical clock worked faster as his eyes wandered to your slightly pouting soft lips, wondering how soft it would feel against his own. He cleared his throat when he felt a sharp pain scorching through his chest when he realised he was starting to imagine things, patting his chest softly as he tried to bite back a smile.
“Maybe you just haven’t read true masterpieces,” Renjun responded after a pregnant pause, opening his little bag and pulling out the novel he’s been obsessed with for the past few months, placing it in your palms. “Read this, you can thank me later,” Renjun smiled, patting the book in your hands with a light chuckle, looking up into your eyes for a brief moment before looking back at his canvas. For he feared that if he stared into them any longer, he would simply get lost in your eyes for ages, wincing silently when his chest started to ache.
“‘The Great Expectations’? This sounds like those tedious books my parents keep on their shelf,” you raised your brow, sitting down on the fountain again as you began to observe the book in your palms, squinting your eyes at the summary written at the back cover of the book. “‘Break his heart, Estella! Break his heart!’ That sounds so cruel of her to break an innocent boy’s heart,” you frowned, looking up at your friend with the adorable frown Renjun came to endear.
Renjun laughed, shrugging simply as he went back to painting. His fingers twitching against the brush as he coloured white clouds on his piece, feeling your eyes curiously on his content form. “You didn’t want the female protagonist to be the damsel in distress, did you? I just simply gave you what you asked for,” Renjun shrugged, feeling his heart do somersaults as you let out a loud huff of breath, scooching closer towards him so you can begin reading the book. “I suppose so,” you muttered under your breath.
“Do you carry books like this around with you as you paint or are you a magician who can pull out rabbits out of that bag of yours as well?” you asked jokingly, pulling the cover open and flipping to the first page. “I-Wait hold on, a magician as well?” he furrowed his brows at you, turning his head towards you and leaning his head to the side in confusion. You shot your head up, giving him a bright expression as you nodded eagerly.
“You might have half of the town convinced that you’re some cold hearted teenager living with the ‘witch’ or the makeshift doctor, as you would like to say, but you can’t fool me, mister! We may have known each other for less than a few months but I know for a fact that you are a magician!” you pointed an accusatory finger at him, wiggling your index finger around, your fingertip hovering right above his nose before poking it with a small ‘boop; coming from your mouth.
He furrowed his brows, gently pushing your hand away from his face with a raised brow. “Do you mind explaining why you have come to that conclusion?” Renjun asked, an amused expression spreading across his features as he dropped his brush into the cup of water set right beside him before crossing his arms against his chest and leaning back slightly. You grinned, “you’re one of the few people I’ve ever known who can paint so majestically. Have you seen your own paintings, Mister Huang Renjun?” you exclaimed, giving him a wide smile as you threw your arms up in the air.
He chuckled, adjusting the beret on top of his head. “You don’t know many people, y/n,” he commented with a small smirk on his lips. “Let me finish before I usurp you, Huang,” you frowned, furrowing your brows and squinting your eyes threateningly at him. “I doubt that you even know what usurped means,” Renjun chuckled, shaking his head profusely at you. “Don’t doubt my low vocabulary, Renjun,” you crossed your hands, letting his book lay on your lap as he let out a soft laugh.
“Alright, what are you going to usurp me from exactly?” he asked smugly, raising a brow at you. “That’s not the point of this conversation, what I’m saying is that you and your aesthetically pleasing art skills are magical!” you shot back in a snappy tone, avoiding the fact that you used a word that you don’t entirely know the meaning of. (considering you only heard it from your mother when she was talking to someone on the phone every morning whenever your father was off at work)
He swore he could feel the ticking of his tock stop for a few seconds at your words. “Pardon?” he spluttered, putting his hand on his chest once again as he felt the gears in his cuckoo clock turn rapidly against his chest. “The way you carefully apply to each and every detail on every crevice of your canvas is like magic, the way you know how much paint you should apply to get just the right colours and the way you focus on shading or blending the paints together to achieve the small shadows or to adjust the lighting of the painting is just-”
You paused before letting out a loud groan, “superb! I can’t even find the words on how to explain your magical abilities, the simplest way I can put it in my own way is that you are equivalent to a magician!” you waved your hands around at the canvas in front of the two of you, your eyes going wide in awe as you stared at the half finished piece as if it was the first time you had seen a rare jewel in person.
Renjun’s jaw dropped as he couldn’t find the words to express how flustered he felt. However, the way his cuckoo clock began to steam up was another completely different thing. He couldn’t help but look down shy at his own paint stained hands, wondering how you could find awe in something as messy as his artwork. “And it is an absolute crime knowing that you aren’t some kind of world wide painter, your paintings are absolutely beautiful!” you exclaimed, smiling up at him as Renjun stared wordlessly into your eyes.
He couldn’t help but notice how close you have gotten when you began on your unceremonious ramble about his art skills, he couldn’t stop his eyes from darting up your eyes and down to your plump lips. Gulping silently, he scooched back a little bit, gripping the sleeves of his button up shirt tightly as he tried to take the ticking of his heart against his ears, a fuzzy feeling overcoming the slight jolting pain in his chest as he did so.
He watched your eyes go wide at his actions, realizing that you moved too far. “Oh crumbs!” you exclaimed, taking a large step back as you realised the close proximity between you attracted attention from the people around you, eyes watching you like a hawk. Some held disgust to see two teenagers of the opposite gender oh-so-close to each other as if they were going to share a sweet kiss. Some held awe in them, adoring the sight of the two flustered beings cozying up to each other like that. Some held shock as they had never seen the mysterious cold hearted boy who lived in the little house on the steeple that close to someone before.
“I’m so so sorry!” you rambled, feeling your chest swell up as you grew flustered by your own actions. “I didn’t mean to get over excited! It’s just that I was so happy to talk about your art knowing how you don’t think much of it but I just really adore your art and the way you paint- oh god that sounds very inappropriate of me to say. What I meant was-” your short nervous ramblings were cut off when you heard Renjun’s laughter filling your ears, the angelic sound sending warm feelings into your heart.
“Pardon me for laughing, but that really caught me off guard,” he threw his head back laughing, his cheeks flushing red from laughing too much as he held his stomach, wiping his tears afterward. Your jaw dropped at his amused laughter, embarrassment overcoming your nerves as you huffed angrily at him. “You absolute jerk, I thought I did something wrong and invaded your personal space or made you uncomfortable!” you exclaimed, putting your hands on your hips angrily, only eliciting even more laughter from the sweet boy.
“It’s really endearing that you find my art that interesting, you really did catch me off guard with your little outburst,” he chuckled, lifting his beret off of his head before running his free hand over his hair, putting the beret back on his head afterwards. You couldn’t deny how pretty he looked with that beret, but of course, you weren’t going to admit it (again) for the sake of your own pride. “I was just expressing my opinions like a normal person, you didn’t have to laugh at me like that, you know,” you crossed your arms against your chest.
“I wasn’t laughing at your outburst, I can promise you that!” he exclaimed, shaking his head at you, ignoring the searing pain in his chest as he stared lovingly at you. You furrowed your brows, you couldn’t help but notice the slightly sad glint on his pupils, but you chose not to ask about it, focusing on the topic at hand. “Then what were you laughing at exactly, Huang Renjun?” you asked, furrowing your brows at the brown haired boy, who smiled sweetly at you. Leaning his chin against his palm, elbow supported on his thigh.
“I couldn’t help but laugh at how sweet you looked while talking about the things I do in front of you as if I were moving the sun and moon with my own bare hands.”
-
“You know you have a lovely smile.”
Renjun looked up from his book in alarm, eyes wide at your sudden bluntness. “Excuse me?” he coughed, releasing one hand from the book cover to lay it against the rough surface of his clock heart hidden underneath his coat. “I really like your smile,” you gave him a tight lipped smile, putting the Great Expectations book on the desk you were sitting before laying your hands over the other, placing your chin on top of them before gazing up at him with an innocent shrug. “You’re being quite expressive today,” Renjun chuckled, looking at you with a perplexed expression, his brows furrowed as he kept his hand against his heart, suppressing the little bird inside from letting out a loud ‘cuckoo!’.
“I don’t like to lie, you know that, Renjun,” you pouted, raising your head up to give him a knowing look. Sitting up straight, Renjun shot you a boyish smile, looking back down at his book. “Why, thank you. That’s quite flattering,” Renjun chuckled, burying his nose in his book in a futile attempt to hide how flustered he felt. Putting the back of his hand against his mouth, he coughed to clear his throat before removing his hand and putting it on his nape to scratch on it nervously. “How are you liking the book so far?”
Renjun cringed at the slight waver in his tone, biting back his tongue as he heard you let out a small hum. “So far, it’s pretty engrossing. It perfectly depicts the image of a young male protagonist losing his child-like innocence through heartbreak and hardship,” you clicked your tongue, folding the corner of the page you were reading before flipping through the other pages to see how many you have left to read. “A compelling coming of age story,” you nodded with a slight shrug.
“Though, I still don’t understand why you recommended me this book,” you closed the book and placed it back down on the desk, furrowing your brows in curiosity. Renjun gave you a sheepish grin, shrugging as he went back to his own book before replying with a, “you’ll find out once you finish the book,” under his breath. You huffed in response, leaning your forehead against the hardcover of the book, letting out a dramatic sigh. He let out a silent smile, adjusting his glasses as he continued to read the last paragraph of his own book.
Your eyes glared holes into his head as if he was going to tell you if you glared at him long enough, but you realised that he was back into his own little world now that he was fully immersed into the plot. Your eyes wandered back to the canvas on top of the desk right beside him, his set of acrylic paints and brushes gathered up into a small pile. He had just finished his latest painting of the statue of the founder of this boring town, his artwork never failed to awe you.
“When I finally manage to finish the book, will you give me one of your artworks free of charge?” you piped up, outstretching your hand as you poked the canvas, trying to pull the large object towards you with a single fingertip in futility. Ever since you started spending your time watching Renjun paint while he listened to you rambling, you had often asked him to draw something for you for free. In which he would always reply with a brief ‘buy your own, acrylics are immensely expensive.’ before rolling his eyes and going back to painting.
He wasn’t completely wrong. Madam Wendy always grumbled on how paint prices are constantly increasing as time goes on. And whenever Renjun would make a quick trip to the art store just to buy another bottle of white paint, he would always suppress the urge to sigh heavily in front of the kind store owner who would grin innocently (despite the fact that they know full well that they were being absolute gooses for increasing the price as Renjun was going to buy their products nonetheless.)
However it came as a shock to the both of you when he muttered a small ‘fine’ under his breath. Eyes blowing wide as Renjun slowly looked up from his book and eerily turned to you, right before he could open his mouth to retract his words, you shot up to your feet. Catching the boy off guard as you leaned over to cover his mouth with your hands. “No! You are not taking that statement back!” you exclaimed, shaking your head aggressively as you gave him a wide mischievous smile.
Renjun furrowed his brows, eyes glaring daggers at you to let him go despite the fact that his gears were turning at a rapid speed at the feeling of your skin against his lips. “I’m not letting go unless you say yes,” you mused in a melodious tone, earning a shake of his head in response as he continued to send you his typical cold stare.
Renjun always had a really mean resting face, his eyes always managed to send cold shivers down everyones’ spines. However, there was something comforting in the way he looked at you. A familiar warm feeling blooming in your chest whenever he turned his head to look at you, even though his eyes barely held any emotion, even though his small chuckles and laughs held no genuine happiness in them, you couldn’t help but let a fuzzy feeling grow inside of your stomach. It was exhilarating.
“Come on, you probably have billions of canvases somewhere in town. Giving one away to your dearest friend shouldn’t be a problem, should it?” you whined, still refusing to remove your hand from his lips. He was internally enjoying the close proximity between you, but as the seconds went on, he knew his clock heart was going to burst out of his chest if he didn’t do something. With a small curse in his mind, he pulled your hand away from his mouth. “I would if you paid me. But considering you are currently penniless, I have to politely decline,” Renjun snickered, giving you a disgusted expression as he felt the heat around his mouth disappear into thin air.
You frowned, pursing your lips as you sat back down on your seat, crossing your arms over your chest. “How could you do this to your most beloved friend?” you mumbled under your breath, loud enough for him to hear as you kicked one of the legs of the table in front of you childishly. Renjun chuckled, “‘Beloved’ isn’t even a word I would use to describe your existence.” Now it was your turn to glare daggers into his skull. “You’re incredibly mean, it’s almost bonkers,” you scoffed.
“I know,” he shrugged casually, pulling his chair back to stand up. “Now if you excuse me, I would like to wash up to remove whatever bacteria you have oh-so-unceremoniously blessed upon my skin,” he bowed, pushing the chair back in the table as he tugged on the cuffs of his coat, giving you a small grin. “My hands are squeaky clean, excuse me!” you retorted, putting a hand on your chest in faux offense. “Keep telling yourself that, Y/n,” he nodded, abruptly walking towards the washroom at the back of the library with a hand on his chest as the effects of his emotions finally took place inside his mechanical ticking heart.
As soon as Renjun turned to a corner, out of your line of vision, his whole body started twitching in pain. With a shaky hand he pulled back his coat to reveal the state of his clock. The hands of his clock were turning at a rapid speed, the small bird popping out of the clock and letting out a small ‘cuckoo!’. It was steaming up. Smoke was coming out of the contraption as if it was caught on fire. He felt like his chest was on fire. Renjun leaned his back against the wall, shakily blowing the smoke away and fanning it away softly with his hand.
What’s happening to him?
This has never happened before. What was happening to him? Why was he in so much pain? Why couldn’t he call out for help? Why couldn’t he make any sound?
Renjun wanted to cry out in pain, his body twitched as the tiny mechanical bird popped out of his clock with a loud ‘cuckoo!’. He gasped, patting his hands around his pockets for the key to his mechanical heart. He could hear the alarming ticking sounds of his clock with every second that went by, warning him something’s going to happen if nothing is done to stop this pain as he twitched in pain once again, clutching the clock with one hand, he felt something inside the pocket of his shirt. With a small grunt of pain, he fished out the small golden key inside.
He pulled his hand away from his clock, gasping for breath as the pain in his chest increased with every tick of his heart. He plunged the key into the small hole connecting the arrows of the clock, quickly turning it counter clockwise as the pain started to lessen. Once the pain subsided, he dropped his hand to his sides, panting in exhaustion as his eyes blew wide with fear, his gears were working at their usual pace once again. His chest felt numb, a small throbbing pain lingering somewhere inside of him.
‘What the hell was that?’
His eyes were glossy as he felt his emotions overwhelm his mind. His heart felt like it was going through a spin, as if the big hand of his core was going to pop out of his skin. His bones felt weak, as if it was about to implode at any second. The cogs and springs in his clock felt like they were about to explode.
The loud alarming ticking in his ears made him wonder if he didn’t pull out the key in time, would his cuckoo clock heart halt for good?
-
“I’ll be off now, Wendy,” Renjun announced as he hopped down the stairs eagerly, gripping his fresh, new, empty canvas to his sides with one hand and spinning one of his brushes in between the fingers of the other. “Oh, you seem in a bit of a hurry, Renjun,” a familiar voice cooed teasingly, her words followed by another giggle. Renjun paused in his step, mustering up the energy to form a small smile as he looked up at the two women giggling at him. “Good morning, Joy. Good morning, Yeri,” he greeted with a polite bow.
Joy and Yeri weren’t related in any way to Madam Wendy, but they are regular patients who would drop by weekly. And as far as he knew, they were one of the very few people who knew about his fragile condition (which is probably why they visit so often). “You look brighter than usual, what’s gotten you in such a rush, young lad?” Yeri grinned, sipping on her tea as she crossed her leg over the other with raised eyebrows.
“It’s just a small trip to town, I need to buy more acrylics as well,” Renjun lied through his teeth, feeling the gears in his heart work faster at the thought of meeting you at your usual spot. “You haven’t had breakfast yet, Renjun,” Wendy spoke up, attracting the attention of the three in the room with pancakes stacked on three individual plates. “Do sit down! It’s been quite a while since you had a chit chat with your lovely aunts!” Joy giggled, patting the extra seat beside her before looking at her friend, who nodded in agreement.
“I really shouldn’t interrupt-”
“Renjun, go sit down,” Madam Wendy coaxed, placing a hand on his shoulder and nodding towards the empty spot on the sofa. Renjun looked back at his caretaker before sighing heavily, placing his canvas and brushes on the table near the entrance door and walking to sit on the empty spot the women had saved for him. “I’ll be upstairs cleaning up, if you need me,” his caretaker informed before exiting the living room, leaving her adopted son with the other two women in the room.
“Okay, she’s gone!” Yeri exclaimed in a rather quiet tone before grabbing her fork and looking back at the teenager sitting beside them. “So how are you, honey? I just realised we didn’t even get to greet you last week considering you’ve been so busy lately,” Yeri hummed, shoving a spoonful of pancakes into her mouth as she spared a glance at Renjun. “Indeed! I assume you found something interesting in your great adventure in the outside world,” Joy giggled with an enthusiastic nod, causing Renjun’s eyes to widen.
Renjun let out a small chuckle. “You two make it sound as if I was a protagonist of some weird story,” he mused, digging into his own stack of pancakes as he felt a warm feeling in his stomach at the memory of the day you first met. “Don’t beat around the bush and tell us!” Joy rolled her eyes at the younger boy, grabbing her cup of tea and pulling it to her lips. “How was this great adventure you’ve discovered?” she asked, her eyes flickering from her tea to Renjun briefly.
Renjun bit his lip, scanning the room to ensure that Madam Wendy was nowhere in sight. He knew he could trust these two, considering the countless times he’s gotten away with his lies and rants. He bit his lip, glancing down at his hands nervously before giving his aunts a genuine smile. “It was fabulous,” he sighed dreamily, a sheepishly wide smile stretching across his lips as he took another bashful bite of his pancakes. “Tell all! Tell all! Don’t miss any details!” Yeri squealed.
“What made it all so fabulous?” Joy whispered, her eyes peering curiously at the boy who appeared to be in a dreamy state. “A little singer with glasses which she won’t wear,” he replied almost instantly without any hesitation, a little bit too fast for his liking. “She isn’t all that, is she?” Yeri gasped, leaning back slightly in shock to hear her little Renjun was talking about someone and not something.
He shot up, straightening his back as he dropped his fork on his plate with a shake of his head. “She is! She really is!” Renjun nodded eagerly, his hands coming up to make grand gestures as he continued on with his words. “She reminds me of a… sparrow! Perched up on the toppest tree branch in it’s tiny little feet, it gives her this calming fragile aura like a twig falling off of a branch. Her voice- her singing is like listening to a nightingale singing a bird song but with words! Or those soothing musical numbers they would always play in the telly after a good show has ended,” Renjun described, his eyes filled with stars and his heart filled with passion.
The two shared knowing looks, bewildered at how dazed the boy in front of them truly was at that moment. “And her smile it’s like a work of art! Far greater than all of my masterpieces combined, far greater than the artwork displayed on museums! Her laughter makes her seem so miniscule, I could hardly believe that such a light heartening sound could be elicited from a human being!” Renjun went on, his smile wide as he leaned back at the thought of your smile which made his stomach do somersaults.
“Oh Renjun, I bet that once she catches the flu, you’ll change your mind. Whenever women like those who catch the flu, they cough up a storm and sneeze like a steam truck,” Yeri joked, earning a brief frown from Renjun who scoffed in response. “Oh nonsense! I bet if she does, it would sound like a majestic flute found in the mountains!” Renjun waved his hand off with a roll of his eyes in disbelief.
The two women laughed in response, shaking a knowing look. “So basically, to sum everything up. You went to town and instead of catching the flu, you caught a bug in town, you young lad!” Yeri raised her eyebrow suggestively at the boy, indicating that he’s very much caught the love-bug she’s always ranted about on a daily basis. “Oh deary!” Joy gasped before letting out another fit of giggles, cupping her mouth to ensure that her giggles weren’t loud enough for Madam Wendy to hear.
“You know it’s forbidden,” Yeri lectured, her tone turning serious when she realised that Renjun was actually serious about this. “For-bid-den!” Joy emphasized with every wave of her finger with a disappointing shake of her head. “I know,” Renjun sighed, a frown forming at his lips as he sunk back against the seat he was sitting on, leaning his head back sadly. “It’s for your own good, you know,” Joy smiled sadly, sympathy lacing her tone as she patted the boy’s head comfortingly.
“Indeed. Oh deary, I wish I could live without love,” Yeri sighed, pulling out a mirror from her purse to reapply her lipstick. “Oh no, here we go again,” Renjun chuckled, sitting up straight once again as he prepared himself for another sad tragic love story his aunt has to offer. “Every day, every time I fall in love with a patient here or a man, they would always fall for some other girl!” Yeri ranted with a heavy sigh, smacking her lips together to get an even coating on her lips. “I am not letting Renjun listen to another one of your sob stories!” Joy huffed, leaning over to cup Renjun’s ears with her palms.
“You might taint the poor boy with your bad luck with love!” she exclaimed. “Isn’t my condition a symbol of this bad luck?” Renjun chuckled, gently tugging on the older woman's wrists to remove her palms away from his ear. “Oh hush you, I’m sure you’ll get over this little infatuation you have with this little singer,” Yeri waved her hand off nonchalantly, huffing slightly. “It’s not like you see her every day of the week, you’ll get over it in no time!” she added with an encouraging hum, watching as Joy nodded with her in agreement.
Renjun bit his lip, biting back his tongue as he continued to shove pancakes into his mouth as quickly as possible. At that moment, Madam Wendy finally came down with a key in her hand. “Renjun, I’ve always told you to bring your key wherever you go. Why won’t you ever take my words to heart?” Wendy sighed, handing the key to his mechanic heart to the young boy, who gulped slightly and mumbled a small apology under his breath before tucking his key in his front pocket.
He couldn’t help but shiver as the memory of him having a near death experience flashed through his mind, the image of the key plunging into his heart and winding it up to lessen the pain he endured had traumatized him. He was terrified of it happening again. He was terrified of what’s becoming of him. Was this the effects of falling in love? Was he falling in love with you? He hasn’t even known you for very long, he couldn’t possibly fall for you in such a short time.
Besides, why does falling in love feel so good but hurt so bad?
-
“So how was the book I lent you?” Renjun asked in an attempt to spark up a conversation. “Quite interesting, though, I’m not quite sure that I’ll finish it any time soon. I like to focus deep into the depths of the story, fully imagine the characters emotions and thoughts,” you exclaimed, pushing your organ barrel beside the tree Renjun was leaning against, sitting down beside him under the shade and crossing your legs, tugging the edges of your dress over your knees. You dusted the bits of dirt off of the fabric on your dress.
“I understand, it’s the thought process, right?” Renjun nodded, flipping a page of his book as he hummed. “Indeed! Though, I can’t quite get the gist of why Ms Havisham is so devoted to making Estella break Pip’s heart. She should’ve just left the poor girl alone, besides, I really don’t want to see the poor boy heartbroken,” you frowned, clicking your tongue in thought. “I despise Pip’s sister, as well,” you added with an innocent smile.
Renjun let out an amused chuckle. “Yeah, she’s a rather insufferable character, isn’t she?” he nodded in agreement, remembering how heartless Pip’s older sister was when it came to Pip and her own husband before she passed away in the book. “She’s exactly what my mother would consider as a bitch,” you added on, pulling your glasses out from your purse with a small giggle, earning a loud gasp from the boy beside you. “Y/n, language!” he gasped, pulling his book back to gaze at you with wide eyes.
You giggled, mumbling a small apology before fidgeting with the frames of your glasses mindlessly. Renjun watched you play with your glasses from the corner of his eye, internally wondering why you have never worn them despite carrying them around in your purse everywhere you go. Furrowing his brows, he turned his head back to his book, biting back his tongue before shaking his head at himself.
“You know, you really shouldn’t play games with your sight if it leaves you in the dark, y/n,” Renjun deadpan, not sparing you a glance as he licked the tip of his thumb to flip a page from his new book. You huffed at your friend, fidgeting with your new spectacles in between your fingers as you rolled your eyes at the boy beside you. “How poetic,” you scoffed, earning a soft chuckle from Renjun. “I think I prefer life all a blur, thank you very much,” you added on with a snappy tone.
“What does that even mean?” Renjun laughed lightly, putting his book down on his lap to turn to you with a soft expression on his face. “I keep forgetting to wear my glasses and now my eyes are blurry, I can’t even see the outline of my hand,” you stated, raising your free hand up above to the sky and squinted your eyes at it in an attempt to get a clearer vision of your hand that was merely a few inches away from you. “Your glasses are literally in your palms,” Renjun pointed out, nodding his head at the hand holding the glasses in question.
You opened your mouth to speak, slowly putting your glasses in your little handbag behind you before clearing your throat. “As I said before, I forgot to wear my glasses,” you repeated, giving him a cheshire grin in response. “Jesus Christ, why do I even bother?” Renjun muttered under his breath with a shake of his head, “won’t your vision get worse the lesser you wear them?” he asked once again, rubbing his temples in distress.
Humming in confirmation, you shrugged innocently before leaning back against the tree the two of you were sitting against. “Though, I believe it won’t get worse as long as I close my eyes. My vision won’t get worse if I don’t see, right? Besides, it feels good to close my eyes,” just as you finished your words, you clasped your hands on your lap, leaning your head back against the tree bark and closing your eyes before letting out a sigh of content. Renjun let out an annoyed puff of breath, “I don’t think that’s how it works.”
Your content expression was enough to send fiery sparks into his mechanical heart, he could almost feel it steaming up again. He couldn’t help but notice how close you were next to him, as if he were to make one little scooch, your shoulders would be touching. His eyes wandered to your beautiful figure laying right beside him, internally suppressing the urge to clasp you close to his body in a tight embrace. Your soft lips causing his stomach to do somersaults the longer his gaze lingers there. He imagines that he would scatter confettis on the both of you if he were to press his own lips against yours in a kiss.
His mind couldn’t help but wander back to those times where you had to walk up close to the signs to see what street the two of you were heading, the amount of times you had to squint and lean over the table to read whatever paragraph he was trying to show you during your reading sessions at the library. He felt this sudden urge to protect you, to constantly remind you to wear your glasses in case your vision worsened.
There was something inside of him screaming at him to not let you stray away from the happy path you were currently in. Something inside of him made him determined to be your only guide, to be your pair of eyes. In return, he knew you would ignite the flame in his heart. No, you would be the special flame that burns his heart. You’d be a conflagration in the night. A pretty arsonist. A fire blazing so bright you’ll see the light of the heavens itself.
“Oh why bother. You know very well, out of my five senses, my hearings best. I’m pretty sure I’ll recognize you without relying on my eyes,” you waved your hand off carelessly, keeping your eyes closed, oblivious to the way Renjun was looking at you so lovingly. “Well I assure you, I don’t think you can rely on your hearing to walk down the streets without my assistance,” Renjun chuckled, recalling the time when you almost walked into the wrong side of town due to your poor eyesight.
“You don’t know that! My eyes always lead me astray, anyways. Far away down the street, sometimes I can’t bear to steal a glance at the sun or even look the sky straight in the eye for fear that my eyes would deceive me as well,” you confessed dramatically, finally opening your eyes and turning your head to look at Renjun in the eye. Your eyes widened at the way Renjun’s eyes softened at the sight of your own pupils staring back at his in confusion. You straighten up your position, putting your hands behind you and leaning on them.
“Then let me be your eyes,” Renjun replied in an almost hushed tone. “I won’t let you stray, I promise,” he gave you a sweet boyish smile, making your heart flutter in your chest at his words. “Aren’t you being a little flirtatious? That’s quite unexpected of you, Huang Renjun,” you said with a raise of your brows as the corner of your lips quirked up into a smile that mirrored his own. You turned your head, feeling your faces grow closer and closer with every second.
“Is that supposed to be a bad thing?” he hummed, turning his body so his shoulder was leaning against the tree bark, a dreamy smile stretched across his lips as he leaned closer to you. You chuckled, shaking your head softly. “I don’t know, what do you think? Maybe it could be a good thing?” you shrugged, closing your eyes and leaning your face closer to his. Renjun followed your actions, feeling the gears in his mechanical heart work at a fast pace. He winced in pain as his body jolted and twitched in pain, the mechanical bird inside of the clock rapidly hitting the door of his clock.
He felt your breath hitting against his face, your lips merely an inch away from his as his body twitched in pain once again. Letting out a grunt of pain, he felt one of the gears of his clock pop out of his chest. Putting his hands on his chest, he grunted once again as his body twitched uncontrollably in pain. There was the sound of fabric being ripped before his vision darkened and he fell back against the concrete floor, falling unconscious within a few seconds.
“Renjun!” a voice yelled out in alarm, causing your eyes to jolt open in shock.
“Oh god, not this. Please, anything but this,” an unfamiliar voice gasped in a panic. Your vision was blurry, you couldn’t see much happening in front of you. You quickly fished out your spectacles from your purse, putting them on immediately before your eyes widened in fear and shock, your body froze on the spot. You could almost feel your heart stop beating against your chest for a moment.
Right in front of you was an unconscious Huang Renjun in the arms of an older lady on the floor. He was leaning against her lap, arms wrapped around him tightly in a motherly way. His eyes closed in content, it almost appeared as if he was just sleeping peacefully. There was steam coming out of his chest, you couldn’t see where it was coming from considering the old lady had blocked your view of him almost completely as she pleaded for him to wake up worriedly.
The lady in question snapped her head at you, glaring daggers at you as if you had committed some sort of arson. “What have you done to him?” she asked, her tone filled with malice and hatred. As if you were the cause of Renjun’s current state. Your eyes widened at her sharp tone, fear and anxiety creeping up in your veins as you couldn’t find the courage to even open your mouth, let alone utter a single word. You shakily got up to your feet, grabbing the strap of your purse before running off away from the two.
-
Slap!
The loud sound of Madam Wendy’s palm making contact with Renjun’s cheek pierced the room, causing his head to turn sideways at the harsh impact, wincing slightly as he laid against the chair, which was commonly used for Wendy’s patients, shirtless. His body jolted at the sudden contact, his heart making a loud ‘cuckoo’ sound at the shock it caused. “What were you thinking? You could’ve died!” Madam Wendy scolded, her fists balled up in her sides as she walked over to her table tray filled with tools.
Renjun couldn’t speak as he looked down in his palms, his mind blank and face void of emotion. He felt numb at that exact moment, he didn’t know if it was the aftermath of the sheering pain he just endured in front of you or it was because of the feeling of his heart being fixed by his own caretaker. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you, Huang Renjun. Whatever bloody happened to rule number 3? Did you forget?” Madam Wendy exclaimed in an alarming tone, her voice strict and angry. “No,” Renjun replied before breaking into a small fit of coughs, wincing as his chest burned with every breath he took.
“Do you have a pain in your heart when you cough?” Madam Wendy asked, her tone filled with worry, eyes filled with disappointment as she searched for a pair of pliers. Renjun nodded slowly in response, gripping the armrests of the chair as he leaned his head back against the pillow set behind his head. “Well multiply that pain and your suffering to a hundred fold and you still won’t understand the pain love causes,” she snapped, using some pliers to pull a piece of fabric from the arrows of his heart, placing the fabric on the small tray beside him before walking off to grab some more tools.
“And the greater the love, the greater the pain,” she sighed, opening the drawers from across the room. Renjun’s eyes flickered to the woman frantically trying to fix his heart before his eyes moved down to the white fabric on the tray. He reached his arm out to grab it, quickly snucking it in his pockets before looking back at the window. During your near-kiss under the tree, the arrows of his clock must’ve pulled against the fabric of your dress. Your dress wasn’t made out of the most durable fabric, the pull must’ve ripped the top sleeve of your dress when he passed out.
“First, your sense of ache, followed by pangs of rage and jealousy then incomprehension,” she started to explain, sipping on her coffee as Wendy’s heart ached at the thought of her own child going through that much pain if this goes on. “Rejection, the agony of heartbreak,” she turned to point her tweezers that was holding a gear in between it with a strict motherly expression. One that Renjun couldn’t bear looking into for too long.
“Your mechanical heart won’t be able to withstand it, you know this! I told you countless times, this is why I’m always so worried whenever I let you go into town,” she barked, walking back to the tools to drop the rusted gear along with the other broken metals she pulled out and replaced from his heart. “It will overheat and explode, I transplanted it with my own two hands, therefore I know it’s limits,” she went on, her tone falling deaf onto Renjun’s ears as his mind wandered back to your figure.
“A single kiss. A brush against your lips could be your last! Just like that, bang!”
With eyes closed in thought, he wondered what happened after he fell unconscious, how did Madam Wendy find him in such a short amount of time? What happened to you? Did he scare you when he fell unconscious? He was worried you’ll be afraid to talk to him now. Did Wendy say anything mean to you while he was out cold on the concrete floor?
Oh god, your presence isn’t even here and your existence is entering his heart and filling it with flames as if you were a little fairy wandering around looking for a new home to live in. A home which is his heart. He couldn’t help but let out a small smile at the vivid memory of sitting so close to you under the shade, how his skin burns at the feeling of touching yours, how your smile and laughter gave colour to his emotionless dark world. Oh how the thought of you made Renjun feel as if he was floating. It was as if you were carrying him up into the sky, he felt like flying by your side.
“Do you know why I saved your life?” a voice snapped him out of his daydreaming.
His eyes opened, head turning to his caretaker who took a seat next to him, gripping her gloves in her hands. “You were the son I never had,” she confessed, giving him a small comforting smile. “Why couldn’t you have one?” Renjun asked rather hesitantly, his voice almost hushed as if he was whispering, despite the fact that it was only the two of them in the room. Madam Wendy shrugged, sighing heavily.
“It was no one’s fault. It’s one of those tricks love and nature plays on us, you know that more than anyone,” she chuckled, gesturing to the cuckoo clock heart on his naked chest. “Though, the day your mother gave you to me felt like it was heaven sent. Oh god, I would lose my mind and my reason for living if I lost you,” she reached over and ran her fingers through her child’s hair, making Renjun feel some sort of guilt deep down in his chest.
“I’m sorry.”
I’m sorry I fell in love and I don’t know how to get out.
-
Madam Wendy finally allowed Renjun out of their home a month after the incident. For the whole thirty days he was prisoned in his home, all that wandered in his mind was you. He wanted to see you, he longed to hear your sardonic humor, he longed to hear your angelic laughter flowing through his ears like music. He longed to ask forgiveness of what had happened between the two of you under the tree.
He wondered if you harbored the same feelings for him as he does for you. He doubted you’d still feel the same after the incident, however, a part of him had hope that you would wait for him all this time. He tried to prove himself wrong as he ran around town to all of your favorite spots. The library, the fountain, the art store, the tree. Anywhere his mind took him, his feet didn’t stop moving. His feet couldn’t stop moving.
He wanted to see you again. No, he needed to see you again. He needed to apologize to you to release the guilt in his heart. He didn’t care if his heart would explode right then and there, he needed to see you and he wanted to finally embrace you in his arms. He needed to know if you reciprocate his feelings, he needed to know if you longed for him as much as he longed for you this whole entire time. He never got your answer, either. He asked to be your eyes, he wanted to be your guide. He wanted to tell you to rely on him if you can’t rely on your eyes, he wanted to hold your hand to keep you from straying to the wrong path. He wanted to feel his lips brush against yours, he wanted to feel love. He wanted to feel loved by you.
His heart fell even more when he realised he couldn’t find you anywhere. No one knew where you went, no one has seen you since the day he fell unconscious. It was as if you had disappeared off of the surface of the earth. The only thing he had of you was the fabric he accidentally tore off of your dress. He realised you left your barrel organ ride beside the tree. It was already collecting dust as leaves fell in between the spaces of the organ.
You were gone.
The owner of the library informed him that you had fled abroad. His heart sank to the pit of his stomach at the thought of you running away. You didn’t even say goodbye. You didn’t even have the audacity to tell him you were leaving? Surely you would have informed him that you were leaving. Yet again, you did tell him on the first day you met that you weren’t supposed to stay here for too long. But was it too much of him to ask you to at least say goodbye?
-
Two years later, it was Renjun’s 18th birthday. Two years since he lost you, two years since he went back to the hollow shell he formerly was before he fell in love. He spent months wallowing in his own sorrow, he spent months wondering if you missed him the same way he missed you. He no longer looked forward to walking out of his home to paint, all he saw was grey. The places he spent with you made his vision dark and grey, it was as if the joy inside of him were stripped from his vision.
He didn’t know what to do. His heart grew numb, he didn’t know how to make himself happy again. It was as if he had lost a part of himself. He had lost something precious. Which he did, he lost you. He didn’t know what to do. Yet, on a rare occasion, he would take small walks into town.
Madam Wendy noticed how Renjun’s whole existence grew dull ever since that day, his eyes were always dark as if he hasn’t slept for centuries, a frown permanently placed on his lips, his movements weak as if he didn’t have the energy to move. At this point he admitted that he was barely living, he was just a human body existing with a cuckoo clock as a heart. His days were no longer as bright as they used to.
To Renjun, the days felt like it was repeating itself. He wasn’t allowed to go to school, for Madam Wendy feared that he would be made fun of and bullied by his peers. Everyday, he would wake up and wind up his heart, take a long shower, eat his breakfast, paint or read his books, occasionally talking to the patients who attempted to make small talk with him (however that wouldn’t last very long considering he had no interest whatsoever in interacting with strangers he barely knew), eat dinner, go to bed. Repeat.
It was an exhausting cycle. His mind was growing dull. Whenever his mental health became worse, he would take a walk into town to clear his mind to try and lift his own spirits (despite the fact that he knew it’s futile. After all, he’s been trying this for the past two years.) Today was unfortunately one of those days.
Renjun had decided to take a small visit to the library. He remembered how he had to apologize to the librarian for lending you the Great Expectations book when he remembered that you’ve never returned the book back to him. He still felt guilty despite the fact that the librarian didn’t mind it very much. The librarian lady took a liking to both you and Renjun, she thought the two of you would’ve ended up together if it weren’t for the fact that you had moved away without a goodbye.
But fortunately for Renjun, today was a different day. Today would be the day to end his miserable lifestyle.
“Renjun! Renjun, my dear boy! How are you, honey?” the librarian greeted, putting a stack of books on the counter as Renjun entered the library with a bashful smile on his face. “Same as always, Mrs. Dust,” he bowed to greet the older lady politely, snucking his hands in his pockets after tugging on his coat. “Honey, I have lovely news for you! You remember your old friend, Miss Y/n, don’t you?” the lady giggled, walking over to the young adult with an eager smile on her face.
Oh how Renjun’s heart perked up at the brief mention of your name.
“Of course I do, Mrs. What about her?” he coughed, clearing his throat to prevent his voice from shaking. “I’ve received a letter from her! Oh hold on, dearie,” she giggled, squatting down to open the small drawer near her desk and pulling out a small postcard which had a familiar handwriting written on the back. “It must be your birthday soon. Happy birthday, my dear boy. The least I can do is give you this,” she smiled, handing Renjun the postcard with a hum.
“Thank you so much, Mrs. Dust,” he smiled, gripping the postcard tightly in between his fingers as he looked down on it. It was indeed from you. You didn’t write much on the card, nothing more than a simple ‘happy birthday’ and a small ‘I missed you’. You had written your name at the edge of the card and a small ‘R’ beside the happy birthday, indicating that it was truly for him. Fireworks erupted in his stomach when he saw small hearts doodled all over the card with a red pen.
You remembered him.
You missed him.
You thought of him.
Those words were enough to revive the spark in his heart. Those were enough to spread a bright genuine smile across his lips. His cheeks hurt from how wide his smile was, he felt like jumping for joy. He was so ecstatic he thought he could fly to the sky, he felt his fingers itching as his eyes wandered to the address you have written at the bottom of the postcard, giving him a hint of where you might be living.
Andalusia.
You were half across Europe. You were so far away, yet so close. He wanted to see you. He needed to see you. He couldn’t let this opportunity go to waste, he needed to get a move on and he needed to find you. He thought sending you a postcard back wasn’t enough. He wanted to see the girl who managed to turn his heart without the key, he wanted to see the girl who produced a spark in his heart with only a few mere words.
He ran all the way back home, encountering Joy and Yeri on the way back and shooting them with an uncharacteristically bright smile stretched across his face. “Renjun, lad, what’s gotten you all jumpy?” Joy exclaimed, causing Renjun to stop in his tracks. “I got a letter from her!” he informed them, his voice high-pitched as if he just got told that he had personally won the sun, moon and stars all to himself. In his case, he actually did. He actually did.
“A letter?” Yeri squeaked up, a smile stretching across her face at the sight of the younger boy’s. “From who?” Joy asked, giggles bubbling up in between the two ladies as they watch Renjun suppress the urge to jump for joy. “Y/n! She remembers me! She sent me a postcard from Andalusia,” he exclaimed, waving the postcard in their faces. Joy’s eyes wandered down to Renjun’s chest, watching as the hands of his clock spun rapidly, indicating how excited the young adult was feeling.
“Y/n? Was this the young girl you went on about a few years ago?” Yeri asked, receiving an enthusiastic nod from Renjun himself. “Renjun, that’s great news! What are you planning to do then? Write her another letter?” she asked once again, clasping her hands in front of her at the delightful news. The boy shook his head eagerly, his smile never faltering.
“I’m going to find her, I’m going to find her and confess my love,” he breathed out, his own words taking his breath away. The thought of seeing you again was enough to send him flying into the heavens, oh for all things that’s holy, he didn’t know how he was going to proclaim his love for you in person when he could barely explain it in words himself.
“To Andalusia? Renjun, that’s halfway across Europe! Madam Wendy won’t be very happy about this,” Joy informed him, a sympathetic smile replacing her previously bright one. Renjun’s smile faltered at the mention of his caretaker, looking down at the postcard you had sent him, your messy handwriting beckoning him to come to you. He sucked his bottom lip, his heart racing at the thought of rebelling against Madam Wendy’s orders.
Yet again, if he did end up dying from this, all of Madam Wendy’s efforts throughout the past two decades would be in vain. She was practically his guardian after all, but yet again, he was a legal adult now isn’t he? He’s 18 years old, he didn’t have to live under her rules anymore if he didn’t want to. But he couldn’t help but feel guilty for wanting to flee Edinburgh just to see you again, something inside of him was screaming at him to run.
Maybe this time, he would listen to it.
“Joy, Yeri, will you help me escape Edinburgh?”
-
“Renjun? What are you doing up so late?”
Renjun froze, halting his movements as he dropped another sweater into his suitcase. He shut his eyes tightly as his heart raced against his chest, taking a deep breath to compose himself before standing up to face his caretaker as he zipped up his suitcase tight. “Wendy,” he cleared his throat, gripping tightly on the saddle of his suitcase with a small cough, slipping the key to his heart in his front pockets. “Renjun, why do you have a suitcase packed? It’s past curfew,” she narrowed her eyes at the boy.
“Wendy, I am now a legal adult. I have turned 18 years old,” Renjun started, suppressing the urge to gulp down his nerves but he kept his ground. “Yes, I know that, Renjun. That still doesn't answer my question as to why you’re up this late with a packed suitcase,” she nodded, tone laced with confusion as Renjun took a step back towards the opened window, looking out at the moonlight. “Y/n sent me a postcard… from Andalusia,” his voice grew quieter as the seconds went by.
“I’m planning to travel half across Europe to see her again.”
“No, I forbade it.” Wendy shook her head, taking a step forward towards her adopted child, her hands balled up into fists at how Renjun’s determined expression didn’t falter at the slightest bit at her strict tone. “I expected you to say that,” Renjun sighed, walking over to the open window and looking up at the moon shining down upon the dark sky.
“Nature was cruel to pray this silly little trick on me. I spent two decades wondering ‘what is love’? I knew I didn’t need to love in life, you showed me that throughout my whole 18 years of living here. I didn’t need love to live,” Renjun started, clasping his hands together as he held the saddle of his suitcase harder.
“But I realise, I’ve always wanted to feel love. To feel love, to give love and be loved back. Y/n made me realise that when I started falling for her two years ago, and if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have come to this realisation either,” he chuckled in disbelief, looking around at the decorations of his room, realising how much he’s going to miss living here. “I want to go out and explore the world, I know you have been dreading at the possibility of this day coming, but it has, Wendy.”
“Renjun, no. If you leave, this might as well be the last breath you’ll take! You have never travelled outside of town before, how are you going to survive travelling all across Europe for some measly girl? I won’t allow it, I can’t allow it,” Wendy shook her head, her eyes wide with panic as she watched Renjun walk backwards to the open window behind him. “I know you won’t allow it. But it’s time to let me go,” Renjun smiled sadly.
“Thank you for the 18 years you have spent trying to keep me alive. But the past two years felt meaningless to me without her presence, it felt aimless. I was honestly thinking about taking my own life at some point,” he chuckled with a shake of his head. “But now, I realise I rather risk my life for love than spend the rest of my days here with an empty, cold feeling in my heart,” he shot his guardian a genuine smile, the first genuine smile she has ever witnessed from the young boy.
“Goodbye Wendy.”
“Huang Renjun!”
Renjun fell back from the open window, causing Madam Wendy to let out a cry of his name, quickly running over to the window to see if her child was okay. She gasped when she saw that Renjun had landed on a mattress Joy and Yeri had set before hand, a loud joyous laughter eliciting from the younger boy’s lips, a sound Wendy has never heard from the boy from his eighteen years of living. He got up from the mattress, grabbing his suitcase quickly before shooting a boyish smile to his aunts.
“I’ll send you a postcard, Madam Wendy!” he exclaimed as he began running down the hill.
“Renjun, no! Come back! Oh god, please no! Yeri, Joy, what are you doing?! Stop the young lad before he-”
“You can’t blame me for falling hard in love, mother!”
-
“Now my dear boy, what a lovely contraption of a heart you got there!” a man exclaimed, adjusting his monocle as he squinted his eyes at Renjun’s mechanical heart. “Oh, why, thank you,” he smiled politely, bowing at the older man as he gripped his canvas in hand. “Where are you off to? You seem quite young to be travelling all by yourself,” the man asked in an attempt to make small talk.
That night, Renjun had run off to catch the nearest train to Paris, he planned to take a trip from there to Andalusia. It was a 7 hour ride but he was willing to do anything at this point to get out of Edinburgh. When he finally arrived in Paris, he stumbled upon this man while waiting for his next train. “Oh pardon me, where are my manners! I’m Kim Doyoung,” he outstretched his hand for Renjun to shake with a toothy smile spread on his lips.
“Huang Renjun,” he introduced with a sheepish smile. “Ah, So, Renjun, where are you going, my dear boy? You seem a little bit too young to travel,” Doyoung took off his monocle, wiping it against his tie before putting it back on. “I-I’m trying to get a replacement for my heart,” Renjun said, poking his little clock with the tip of his finger, grimacing at the small ticking sound it was making at the small touch.
It wasn’t a complete lie.
He had planned to get a replacement for his heart for so long, he figured that maybe if he changed into a new one, this wretched curse of forbidden love might be lifted. Maybe he didn’t have to part ways with Madam Wendy or Joy or Yeri. Maybe if he replaced his clock, he could live his life happily in love with you. Though, for now, it was just a small hope he held inside of him. All he could do now was find a clockmaker.
“I’m trying to find a clockmaker somewhere to replace my heart,” he spoke in a bold tone, looking down at his unfinished piece. He made it during his seven hour train ride while thinking of you just to pass the time, though, he was honestly considering giving it to you the moment you get to reunite with each other. “Do you happen to know one?” he asked, his eyes going wide with hopefulness.
Doyoung hummed in response, tugging on the tip of his tie. “Unfortunately, I’m not a clockmaker. But I do like tinkering in the mechanics direction! Maybe I could take a closer look at your heart to see if there’s anything I can do,” Doyoung suggested, pulling out a magnifying glass with a nod of his head. Renjun sucked his bottom lip nervously before taking out the key from his front pocket, plunging it into the mechanical heart and turning it to open the door of his heart. “Alright then.”
“Oh! You say that this was grafted by the famous Madam Wendy from Edinburgh? She must be quite the genius to craft and piece this all for you with her bare hands to save your life,” he exclaimed, leaning closer to observe the small gears slowly turning with every small tick tocks his heart makes. “Though, I don’t know why you’d want to replace such a thing. Everything works just fine, clearly, she made this out of love. I could see it within every crevice of art she puts into this clock,” the older man clicked his heart, putting his magnifying glass back into his bag as Renjun closed his heart shut and pulled his key out of the clock.
“Love, huh? That’s the exact problem I have at the moment,” Renjun sighed heavily, tucking his key back into his front pocket before leaning back against his seat. “It’s very dangerous to me. At least that’s what Wendy said to me for the past eighteen years of my life,” he looked down at his shoes sadly, pressing his lips together in a tight line as he felt the guilt catching up to him at the thought of his caretaker’s efforts going in vain.
“Tell me about it,” Doyoung grinned, putting his hand on his chin as a smug expression spread across his features.
“You see, mister Kim-”
“Oh no! Call me Doyoung!”
“Uhm- You see, mister Doyoung. There’s this singer I met in Edinburgh a long time ago and-”
“Ah yes, I see. These things do happen quite often.”
Renjun bit back his tongue when Doyoung interrupted him once again, but nonetheless he continued on with his story. “As time went on, we grew closer. And soon, I couldn’t help but feel as if my whole world was going through a life threatening earthquake. My head was spinning, I couldn’t breathe. The ticking tock of my clock sounded almost alarming as if it was going to stop at any given moment whenever I’m within her lovely presence,” he explained, making grand, dramatic gestures with his hands as he went on.
Doyoung chuckled, assuming that Renjun’s poetic explanations were purely symbolic. “And how did that feel, exactly, Renjun?” he asked, causing Renjun’s expression to soften. “Extraordinary,” he sighed, almost dreamily as he looked down at the postcard he was holding in his free hand that wasn’t holding his canvas. “There you go, my dear boy,” he chuckled in response, leaning back against the seat next to Renjun’s.
“I don’t know, Mister Doyoung. I fear Wendy might be right, though, what if love was just a trap and my ticking clock is just a bomb waiting to be triggered by it?” Renjun asked, scratching the back of his neck nervously as he kissed his teeth. “Renjun, if you fear of getting hurt, you will increase the chances of getting hurt,” Doyoung laid a hand on the younger boy’s shoulder comfortingly. “You should enjoy the thrill, the danger! That pumps through your veins at the thought of falling completely in love,” he exclaimed.
“If you live your life worrying everything, you’ll get bored before you even die! Don’t you want to experience a life changing experience with this little lady you’ve been saughting after?” he asked, her tone encouraging Renjun’s spirit to get back up again. A smile stretched across Renjun’s face at the thought, he had flashbacks to the two years he spent without you. He couldn’t afford going back to the same depressing situation he got himself out of, and he’s definitely not willing to go back now that he’s almost there.
“If I can find her again. The last time I heard from her, she was in Andalusia,” he shrugged with a small laugh.
“I’d say,” Doyoung laughed. “When you’re eighteen and you’re travelling half across the continent for a girl, I’d say the rebellious genes in your DNA are highly developed,” he joked, retracting his hand from Renjun’s shoulders. “I bet I could make a whole film based on your cuckoo clock heart,” Doyoung whipped out an empty journal from his bag, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at his newfound friend. “Why not?” Renjun chuckled with a small shrug.
“Young love, what a beautiful thing to see. You see, I never had any fond memories when it comes to being in love. All I do is invent and invent contraptions, and my former lover never appreciated my expertise. Life is far from easy when you’re in love, my young friend,” Doyoung sighed, leaning his arm against the seat with a heavy sigh. “Why don’t you come with me to Andalusia then, Mister Doyoung? I’m sure anything’s possible there and I wouldn’t mind having a bit of a company on my way there,” Renjun offered, the thought of making a new friend giving some light into his dark path.
“You want an unprofessional mechanic with constant near mental breakdowns following you in your journey to find love?” Doyoung’s eyes went wide in shock, a smile that mirrored Renjun’s appearing on his face. “I would love to have an unprofessional mechanic with constant near mental breakdowns in my quest!” Renjun laughed, nodding eagerly as he sat up straight to shake Doyoung’s hand to make a deal.
Renjun had made another friend.
-
When they finally arrived in Andalusia, they stumbled upon a small amusement park where you were rumored to be staying in at the moment. “Well, first impressions?” Doyoung asked, looking around the ominous park filled with performers and eccentric workers setting up their tents. “It’s.. quite different than Edinburgh, I must admit,” Renjun chuckled, pulling on his suitcase eagerly as he scanned his eyes around in hopes that he might see your figure at the corner of his eye.
The park, unlike his old town, was way more colourful than Edinburgh. There were animals in colourful cages, happily interacting with their inmates. There were jesters and mimes practicing for their acts in the middle of the streets, happily entertaining a few visitors. There were food stands everywhere, Renjun swore you could exit this park penniless under five minutes if you really wanted to.
“Come one, come all! For tonight we have special acts starting from 5 pm to-”
He walked past whom he assumed was the announcer of the park, who was enthusiastically using a tricycle to spread his message all over the place. And upon walking around he stumbled upon what seems to be a horror attraction in the shape of a train, the owner standing inside of a coffin as she smoked her cigarette, eyeing Renjun suspiciously. “Looking for something, you little runt? A job, perhaps? Cause, I’m looking for a new employee to hire,” she asked, taking a puff of her cigarette in between her sentences.
Renjun took his words back about Madam Wendy resembling Ms Havisham. Because at that given moment, he felt like Pip when he was first introduced to Ms Havisham in the book, clueless as to what he wanted with her. Renjun shook his head, no, mustering up the courage to give the older woman a polite smile. “I’m looking for a little singer?” he answered with an innocent smile.
“A little singer? Here? The chances of that is equivalent to finding a snowflake in hell,” she rolled her eyes, taking another puff from her cigarette and blowing smoke into Renjun’s face. He coughed, taking a step back in alarm but he bit his tongue to snap back at the woman’s rude actions. “Listen, I’m just trying to find a little singer who sings like a lovely bird in the break of daw-”
“Enough jabbering about her! Do you want the job or not?” she sighed exasperatedly.
As Renjun was about to give the woman a piece of his mind for being so rude, the announcer cycling around him caught his attention with his words. “Ladies and Gentlemen, up next in our line of performers will be the young singing sensation, Miss Y/n! A lady who has travelled far and wide with her infamous street singing career,” the announcer said with a booming voice as he cycled to another part of the park.
“Miss Y/n?” he whispered with a soft gasp. “Well? Do you want the job or not?” the woman asked with a raised brow. He frowned involuntarily at the woman’s abrupt tone, clicking his tongue before running back to wherever Doyoung was. “I’ll think about it!” he exclaimed loudly before sprinting off, calling out his colleague’s name with a bright smile on his face.
“I found her!”
-
“It is her!” he gasped, watching as you slowly come out of your little private trailer, music piercing his ears and your voice making its way into his heart like a knife throwing attraction. It hit right at the target perfectly. “It’s her, I can’t believe it,” Renjun could feel his breath being taken away. You had grown to be a beautiful woman, your features changed slightly due to the years but nonetheless, it didn’t do anything to stop Renjun’s heart from swelling up with adoration like a balloon being filled with helium.
“Go into her trailer, no one’s going to notice you. Talk to her after her performance,” Doyoung encouraged with a slightly hushed tone. “Excuse me?” Renjun’s eyes shot wide at the unexpected encouragement, his eyes wandering to the trailer you came out of. “I can’t do that! That’s a lady’s privacy!” he exclaimed, shaking his head aggressively. “Trust me, it’ll go smoothly! Just believe in yourself and try not to let the conversation die,” Doyoung hissed, nudging on the younger boy’s shoulder.
Renjun got up slowly, gulping down his fear as he quickly got into your trailer, eyes wide at his own stupidity. ‘God, why did I decide to do this? This is very uncouth of me to do so,’ he thought to himself, wincing slightly when he realised that the music had died down. A bouquet of daisies were in his hand, he didn’t know what to do at that moment as he observed your trailer. It wasn’t very far from you. It was decorated according to your liking.
Your favorite colour was splashed all over the walls, a mannequin standing idly beside the entrance, your dressing table with a gigantic mirror showing his nervous presence. He froze for a brief moment at the sound of your enchanting humming and your little footsteps coming closer to the trailer, making him stand behind the mannequin on pure instinct as you walked into the trailer with a skip in your step.
You were humming the same song you sang on the day you first met. Muttering the lyrics under your breath as you removed bits of dust from your clothing from the performance. Looking up at the mirror, you gasped at Renjun’s awkward figure standing behind your mannequin. You stood up abruptly, grabbing a perfume on your desk and raised it up threateningly at him. “Who are you and what are you doing here?” you exclaimed in alarm. You couldn’t see his face very clearly considering you weren’t wearing your glasses.
“I’m sorry! I was tying my shoelaces when I fell into your floor,” Renjun shook his head, waving his hands around nervously to give off the message that he wasn’t some weird creep or stalker snooping around your belongings. “Do you always fall into a girl’s quarters when she’s changing?” you snapped, lowering your perfume hesitantly as you narrowed your eyes suspiciously at the boy. “NO! No! I would never, I swear! I don’t even know why I’m-”
“You look suspiciously familiar as if I recognise you from somewhere,” you mumbled under your breath, squinting your eyes at him. “You recognise me?” Renjun perked up, a smile stretching across his face as he took a step away from the mannequin towards you. You scoffed, rolling your eyes before turning to the mirror to adjust your appearance. “What do you want anyway?” you sighed, as if you were used to this sort of encounter.
“I’d like to give you a bouquet of daisies,” Renjun bit his lip, pulling the bouquet behind him and leaning it towards your direction. “Daisies? I can’t say they’re my favorite flowers,” you chuckled, looking up at him with a more relaxed expression. “I have no idea why, but peculiarly, daisies always reminds me of my glasses,” you confessed, putting the bouquet on your desk and standing up towards the exit. “I stopped wearing them a long, long time ago. They make me look like some weird bug,” you joked, looking back at Renjun, who chuckled at your words.
‘You really haven’t changed, huh?’
“It’s fine by me,” Renjun chuckled, walking closer towards you in comforting silence. The way your eyes made contact with his softly made his stomach do somersaults, the gears of his heart felt like it was powered by a burst of energy. “Could we see each other again?” he asked hesitantly, “I’d like to get to know you even more,” he added, snucking his hands in his pockets. “Perhaps,” you shrugged, giving him a smile that mirrored his own. “You’re not from around these parts, are you?”
“Oh, no! I’m not, I’m the-I work at the ghost train,” Renjun lied through his teeth, letting out a nervous laugh. “Oh, you’re the new scarer? That’s wonderful news to hear,” you exclaimed, clapping your hands to congratulate him on his new job. “Yes, of course! Exactly, I’m the new scarer,” he nodded, a little bit too eagerly if you asked him. “Can I come see you in action?” you laughed lightly, observing how fidgety the boy in front of you is as he stepped out of your trailer.
“Of course!”
“Tomorrow? Around four?”
“I’ll see you then.”
-
As the weeks went by, the love between you and Renjun blossomed like a rose. You bonded over your love for art and music in general, rekindling the friendship you used to have. But unfortunately for Renjun, you didn’t recognise him, not a single bit. It was against his beliefs to hit a woman, for that was very impolite of a man, but whenever you mumble how you couldn’t put your finger on how you recognize him from somewhere then proceeds to drop the conversation, he couldn’t lie. He wanted to smack you upside the head for your oblivious self.
‘Oblivious, rather ludicrous and as blind as a bat. Why did I fancy her, again?’ he would always ponder to himself on a daily basis before watching you run around to try the newest food from each of the food stalls with a bright smile on your face. ‘Oh, right, that’s why,’ he sighed heavily before going over to you with his hands clasped behind his back, mentally preparing himself to fall head over heels for you over and over again.
Today, he was giving you a tour of the ghost train. (yes, he took up the offer with a roll of his eyes just so he can stay here and spent more time with you) “You’re doing a wonderful job here, by the way. It looked like people are having a lot of fun riding the ghost train with your assistance,” you complimented, giving Renjun a soft smile as you walk along the dark train tracks.
“Why thank you, my boss can’t say the same, however,” he grumbled under his breath, rolling his eyes at the thought of his boss being ashamed of him for ruining her quote unquote reputation. “Don’t mind her, she’s always been like that,” you waved it off with a small giggle, patting his shoulder. “Hmm,” he nodded, a pregnant pause settling between you two as you basked in each other’s company. “How did you like the glasses I gave you?”
Everyday, Renjun would find the most ominous and peculiar looking glasses that were all twisted and broken to give to you, which always brought a smile upon your face knowing full well that you couldn’t wear them no matter how much you tried. “Awful, as usual,” you joked, clasping your hands behind your back as you skipped along the tracks, your shoes hitting the dark coal with a soft ‘tip tap’. “Wonderful,” he laughed lightly, shaking his head profusely at you.
“I still can’t shake over the feeling that I’ve been in this situation before, or maybe I dreamed of this moment before,” you blurted out, looking around the damp cave-like tunnel you were walking through. Renjun bit his lip sadly, suppressing the urge to tell you that he was the boy you met back in Edinburgh. Yet again, what if you left for a reason? What if you left because you didn’t want to see him again? He feared the worse as time went on.
“I’m sure we’ve met before but I don’t know where,” you turned to him with a smile tugging at your lips. “Really,” Renjun looked down at his feet, kicking the coal as you both paused in your step and turned your bodies to look at each other in the eyes. You somehow found comfort in looking into Renjun’s eyes, but you couldn’t pinpoint why they constantly gave you a sense of deja vu whenever you stare into them for too long. “What’s that odd pitter patter?” you mumbled, hearing a familiar tapping sound in the tunnel.
He bit back a smile, “it’s the rain.”
He knew those words all too well. “Do you like the rain?” he asked, putting his hand behind his back as he adjusted the top hat on his head. “Getting wet? No,” you shook your head, giving him a tight-lipped smile. “But the sound it makes? Yes,” you nodded enthusiastically, making Renjun laugh at your slight eagerness. “And I’ve heard that noise before somewhere,” you whispered, loud enough for Renjun to hear.
“That’s because it’s my heart,” he couldn’t help but blurted out, putting a hand on his little coat. “Pardon?” you furrowed your brows in confusion, watching him tug on his coat to reveal a miniscule cuckoo clock on his chest. “My heart, they made it for me on the day I was born. It’s a bit cold and a little fragile, but it works,” he sighed, watching as you observe the small contraption on his heart with a curious expression, pulling out the key from his pockets.
“You can open me up with this little key,” he grabbed your hand and placed the key in between your fingers, letting you push the key into his heart and turning it to the left before opening the door of his clock. “Fascinating, do you always let other girls walk into the train tracks with you and let them open your heart?” you chuckled, raising your brow at the boy in front of you, whose eyes widened in surprise as you pulled your hand away from his heart.
“No, not really. In fact, you’re the first one,” Renjun shook his head with a sweet smile, closing the door shut and pulling out the key before placing it back into his pocket. “Oh, thanks,” your eyes widened slightly at his blunt expression, putting a hand on your arm shyly. “You’re welcome,” he chuckled, patting the key in his pocket. Renjun’s eyes wandered from your eyes to your soft lips, his heart racing against his chest at the thought of finally picking up where you had left off all those years. He didn’t even realise that he was leaning his head towards yours.
“Wait- no,” you pressed a hand against his chest, pushing him away as you turned your head to the side with guilt glossing over your eyes. “Don’t,” you shook your head as you took a step back. “I really like you. There’s a warm fuzzy feeling growing in my tummy that’s making me pull towards you like a magnet, but,” you paused, looking down at your hands nervously as they lay limp on your sides. “My heart belongs to someone else,” you gave him a sympathetic smile.
“Someone I met a long, long time ago. You always reminded me of him. “I’m still waiting until the day we reunite once again, embarking on a romantic adventure with you would just be unfair,” you sighed heavily, rubbing your arms nervously as you slowly let Renjun down. A great pang of pain pierced through Renjun’s whole body at your words, he could almost feel his heart tear itself apart as he watched you walk away and out of the ghost tunnel.
Away from him.
-
“Renjun! You’re back! So? How did it go?” Doyoung exclaimed, fixing his latest invention with a cough, dropping his tweezers in his bag as he wiped his hands on a nearby cloth. Doyoung had rented an empty building so that he could introduce his new inventions to the public and entertain them with them. “She loves someone else,” Renjun mumbled under his breath, tossing his top hat onto one of the seats they set up as he sat down on the steps of the small indoor stage Doyoung had built over the past few weeks.
“I travelled halfway across Europe for her for absolutely nothing,” Renjun laid his head on his palms, sighing heavily as he tried to keep himself from screaming in pain. His heart was hurting. It was way different than the pain he felt two years ago, it was a whole new level of emotional pain he didn’t know he was capable of feeling. “Did you at least confess your love for her?” Doyoung asked, taking a seat next to the boy as Renjun gripped his hair tightly in distress.
“Why bother? Her heart’s filled to the brim, there’s no way I could empty it out like a sink,” Renjun pulled his head out of his hands, his elbows laying on his legs as he threw the golden key to his heart against the carpet floor out of frustration. “You can’t just let your efforts go to waste, Renjun. Did she at least recognise you?” Doyoung asked, leaning over to grab the key and place it back into his younger friend’s palm with a heavy sigh.
He shook his head, turning it to look at the older man who adjusted his monocle. “No, I’d prefer her not to remember who I am than to remember me and not love me in return,” Renjun leaned his cheek against his palm, eyes looking down sadly at his feet. “You can’t just give up like that, Renjun. Love is like a shooting star you’re supposed to seek after, a wish you must grant yourself with the fifty percent chance of getting the outcome you desire,” Doyoung encouraged, leaning back against his palms behind him.
Renjun chuckled softly, a sad smile appearing on his lips. “I never felt so sad yet so happy at the same time,” he shook his head, pressing his knuckles to his temples hard. “Ah yes, two of the most powerful and impactful emotions of the human soul combined into one,” Doyoung mused, raising a brow at his lovesick friend. “If only she believed me about my heart, her expression tells me that she thinks it’s some kind of sick joke,” he scoffed, kicking the air with one foot as he let out a huff of exhaustion.
“Well, did she say who has captured her heart?” Doyoung asked, raising his brow, causing Renjun’s eyes to shoot up wide.
The impact of Kim Doyoung’s words have never failed to get Renjun’s adrenaline rushing again through his veins as he walked into your trailer with a small push against your door. “Do I know him?” Renjun asked abruptly, wanting to get straight to the point as he was very eager to know who has captured your heart. “Could you stop barging into my trailer all the time?” you retorted, turning towards him as you put down your makeup brush on your desk. “The boy you’re in love with, do I know him?” Renjun repeated, the gears of his heart racing against his chest.
He doesn’t even know if he wants the answer to that question. “No,” you replied bluntly, adjusting the laces on your dress. “So you’re not in love with him anymore?” Renjun asked, raising his brow as he crossed his arms against his chest and leaned against the door. “No, that’s not what I meant!” you huffed, feeling yourself getting frustrated the more he edged you on. “Look, it was a very, very long time ago when I first met him,” you rolled your eyes.
“It was back when my parents still made me move from city to city. Oh god, that city was practically made for him. The aura of the city radiated the same aura he had back when I first met him, cold and depressing. Nonetheless the more I got to know him, the more I realised that inside he was just a warm human being that needed someone to light up his perspective,” you sighed, clasping your hands together right in front of you. There was a loud ‘cuckoo!’ that pierced both of your ears, and suddenly, a small gear shot from Renjun’s heart and hit the wooden closet right beside you.
“Would you stop playing with your clock? You could injure someone, it won’t hurt to take it off occasionally, will it?” you exclaimed with a gasp, looking up at him with bold eyes as you put your hands on your hips. “I can’t help it, it’s not some bloody toy! It’s my heart,” he snapped back, his hands balled up into fists as he felt his blood boiling in his veins at the sound of you talking so highly of someone else that wasn’t him. The way you talked about whoever this boy is was the same way he talked about you to everyone else.
He took a deep breath to calm himself down when he saw your taken aback reaction, “I’m sorry.” You let out a deep sigh as you stood up from your desk, putting a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort the poor fellow. “Look, I would really appreciate it if we could become friends. How about we go down to the theater tomorrow? I heard Mister Doyoung made a new contraption to add to the cinematic universe,” you suggested, giving him a kind smile as you took his hand in yours to try and cheer him up a bit.
“I’d really like to go together.” No matter how much his heart was telling him to rest for the rest of his life, no matter how much in pain he’s currently in, but the moment he looked into your eyes, he knew he couldn’t say no.
-
“Would you care to share more information about your romeo?” Renjun asked, holding his wrist behind him as you two walked outside of the amusement park together after the show. “Oh, don’t call him that. I absolutely despise that specific work of Shakespeare’s,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes as you hopped over a pebble, grunting as you caught your balance. Renjun chuckled, “why so?” he asked, raising his brow at you.
“The typical damsel in distress trope never failed to make my blood boil like a pot of water on high heat,” you huffed, crossing your arms. “I prefer to call him my Pip,” you giggled, climbing up a small hill before sitting on top of the grass and laying your head down with a content sigh. “Pip? Why Pip to be exact?” Renjun asked, raising his brow as he took a seat next to your lying figure, leaning back against his palms. “A couple years ago, right before I left. We had this small debate on happy endings and shakespearean works,” you started, gazing up at the starry night sky.
“I would constantly babble on and on about how women shouldn’t be the damsel in distress, then one day he whipped out this book out of nowhere like some sort of magician! It was called the Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, I finally finished when I left the city so I never got around to returning the book he let me borrowed,” you sighed, placing your hands on your tummy as you giggled at the thought of your first love possibly getting mad at you for leaving without a goodbye with the addition of not returning his book back.
Renjun’s heart raced at your small story, his body froze as his ears grew a slight tint of pink (which wasn’t very visible, thanks to the dim lighting of the moon shining down upon the two of you) when he realised that you were talking about him. You were talking about him all along. “I realised why he let me borrow the book though, I asked for an unhappy ending without the female protagonist being the damsel in distress. It was a beautiful story, really,” you sighed, closing your eyes as you thought back to the times you shared back in Edinburgh.
“He would always listen to my rambles as he painted some random landscape in town, showing me his talents as well as listening to my words as I ranted about the foolish decisions of the characters. He reminds me of Pip a little bit. A bit childish, a bit foolish, a little bit misunderstood,” you went on, before pausing briefly, eyes opening to look up at your new friend. “Should I stop? I don’t want to bore you with my story, I tend to ramble a lot unintentionally,” you asked, receiving an aggressive shake of Renjun’s head.
“No! No! Keep going, I’m getting very interested in your story, do continue,” he laughed lightly, looking down at his clock, biting back his lip to keep himself from jumping for joy. “The last day I saw him- oh god, I remember it every night before I go to bed. I never had my glasses on around him, so my memory of his physical appearance is rather blurry. But I remembered it like it was yesterday. Sure, I might not recognize him today with my own eyes but I remembered we almost shared a kiss,” a wide smile stretched across your face as a warm feeling bubbled up inside of you at the vivid memory.
“Yeah?” Renjun couldn’t help but let a wide smile spread across his own lips at the thought, turning his head to the side to suppress the urge to tackle you in a strong embrace. You remembered. “He offered to be my eyes, he offered to keep me from straying down the wrong path. I never got a chance to say yes,” you giggled, rubbing your palms against your eyes as you felt a giddy feeling inside both of your chests. “Guess he was too eager to kiss you before you could say yes?” Renjun joked, grimacing at his own childishness.
You chuckled, shrugging simply. “I guess so, I didn’t mind though. It felt exhilarating. I didn’t know how it happened but he also tore a little bit of my dress as well,” you shook your head, looking back up at the stars scattered across the sky. Oh how Renjun was using all the strength vested inside of him to keep his heart from going ‘cuckoo!’ right in front of you right now. “He might not remember me, I sent him a postcard a couple weeks ago. I never received one back. But someday, when we reunite, I’d like to thank him for the lovely book and for teaching me what love feels like.”
“Everytime I’m near his company I would always feel so safe. So happy, so loved. Genuinely happy and genuinely loved,” you sighed, closing your eyes once again as you took in the fresh air. “I’m sure he felt the same,” Renjun felt his cheeks hurting from how wide he was smiling. “Hey, can we see each other again?” he spoke after a moment of comforting silence. “Alright, when?” you opened your eyes, squinting your eyes suspiciously at him. “Noon? At the theater, I have something to tell you,” he grinned.
“Alright then, is something wrong? Why the funny face?” you chuckled, sitting up from your laying position, cocking your head to the side as you raised your eyebrow at him. “Nothing, I’m just really excited to show you this,” he shook his head, he couldn’t hide his big smile from you any longer.
Just like how he couldn’t hide his longing and love for you that he has been harboring for the past two years.
“She’s in love with me,” he said to Doyoung, who gave him a proud grin in return. “Congratulations, my dear boy! You tamed the spark in your heart,” he gave Renjun a pat on the back, who smiled sadly in response. “But there’s a problem. She’s in love with the other me, the one back in Edinburgh,” he sighed, sitting down on one of the seats in the theater. “I don’t see why this is a problem. The ‘you’ back in Edinburgh is still the same ‘you’ now!” Doyoung furrowed his brows in confusion.
“I assume so, but what am I supposed to say to her?” Renjun ran a hand through his hair in frustration.
“Tell her how you feel! ‘It’s me! Renjun! The boy you loved oh-so-dearly for all these years! Your first love from Edinburgh, I have travelled far and wide all over Europe to find you, my love. So now let me take your hand and let’s venture and sail for the skies! In each other’s loving embrace!’” Doyoung boomed, throwing his hand in the air to make grand gestures as he spoke, standing up in the midst of his words.
“Quite poetic, but I tried. The words are jammed at the back of my throat and I can’t let them out,” Renjun huffed, internally cursing at himself for holding himself back because of a small guilt lingering in his chest. “You’re still afraid of what might become of your heart once you fall completely, aren’t you?” Doyoung sympathized, putting a hand on his hip as he frowned upon his young friend’s unfortunate condition. “A part of me is still guilty for putting all of Madam Wendy’s efforts in vain,” Renjun laughed bitterly.
“I thought you wanted to love and to be loved back, you mustn’t be afraid!” Doyoung encouraged, using the same tone he used previously to influence all of Renjun’s previous actions with a wide toothy smile. “You’re eighteen, you deserve the love you’ve been longing for, Renjun.”
Renjun bit back a smile, shaking his head out of his insecurities as he stood up to his feet. “You’re right, I should’ve just told her who I was at the start. You have to help me come up with something.”
-
“Renjun? Are you here?” You called out, entering the theater bashfully. “Right here, Ms!” Naeun, Doyoung’s new friend, coaxed, waving her hand to tell you to sit on the front row, right in front of the stage. A familiar merry tune played in the background as the curtains were pulled back to reveal two puppets of what appeared to be you and a familiar little boy from Edinburgh. Doyoung came into view, clearing his throat as Naeun strummed the chords of the song you sang on the day you met your first love with a ukulele in her hand.
“It was a lovely day in Edinburgh,” Doyoung began, looking towards the puppets. “Little miss y/n who was sixteen years old was dancing around in her dainty shoes, getting her feet all in a tangle before tumbling down to the floor due to her own clumsiness,” Renjun added with a small nervous laugh, moving his own little puppet around and towards the mini puppet version of yourself. “On the day they first met, she would ask ‘what’s that odd pitter patter?’ ‘What’s making that noise?’” Naeun hummed melodiously, causing your eyes to widen with every single word that comes out of their mouths.
“It’s just the rain, do you like the rain?” Renjun asked, shooting you a short glance as if to say ‘sounds familiar?’
You furrowed your brows, lips pressed into a thin line as you silently watched the performance in front of you, taking every single last bit of information they were sharing into your head as took in the meaning of their words. “Miss Y/n adored the sound of the rain, but however, all this time she didn’t realise that the sound she came to adore came from the tick tock of Renjun’s mechanical heart,” Doyoung recited, looking down on his little card before sharing a knowing look with Renjun and Naeun upon seeing the flabbergasted expression etched on your face.
“Oh, how if he had told her where that pitter patter had come from, would she recognize him the instant they reunite? Would Renjun have to suffer the pain of travelling half across Europe to see her only to not be recognized for the little lady could not rely on her own eyes?” he added on, adding a bit of suspense as the settings on the puppet show changed slightly to the two of you sitting on top of a crescent moon side by side, sending you flashbacks to the last day you saw your first love.
“Perhaps, if he had told her, would she have believed him and sampled the magical intimacy of blending dream and reality?”
Soon, your eyes got glossy with tears. Your heart racing rapidly against your chest as you sat there in complete silence, the new information overwhelming your sentences as you watched the two puppets kissed on the crescent moon, the exact same way you were supposed to kiss two years ago. You sniffled, putting a hand up against one of your eyes to keep your tears from falling as Renjun walked up towards you and off of the stage with his hands behind his back.
The curtains closed as he gave you a boyish smile, outstretching his hand to show you the piece of fabric he accidentally tore from your dress and the postcard you had sent out almost a month ago. You gasped, delicate fingers gently grabbing the postcard to inspect it. It was indeed the postcard you had sent, it was indeed your handwriting, it was indeed the same filthy postcard you sent a month ago.
Within a few seconds, you fell unconscious as all this information was too much for you to handle.
“Oh bloody hell, we killed her!” Renjun cried out in panic, taking a step back in alarm at your sudden concussion. Doyoung and Naeun’s head shot from in between the curtains, hissing at him to not panic and carry you back to your trailer. He sucked his bottom lip as he hesitantly wrapped his arms around your knees and your back, making you lean against his chest, your head so close to his. He gulped as he walked out of the theater, nervously praying to whatever God up there is watching him to not make him drop you in the middle of the streets.
But fortunately for him, he managed to carry you back to your bed safe and sound. Laying your head on the pillow, he stood idly on the side of your bed, watching your sleeping features. You looked so content, his fingers itched to run themselves around your hair and to caress your cheeks. Oh how he longed to nuzzle his nose against yours lovingly and how he longed to press his lips against yours-
‘A single kiss. A brush against your lips could be your last! Just like that, bang!’
He grunted as his body twitched as his guardian’s words flashed through his mind like lightning and thunder, Madam Wendy’s sorrowful expression couldn’t help but make its way through his mind, causing his body to twitch once again. He took deep, staggering breaths as he palmed his heart in pain, eyes moving over to your sleeping figure before Madam Wendy appeared once again in his vision.
‘Do you know why I saved your life?’
“If you really are the boy from my time in Edinburgh, why did you wait all this time?”
His head shot up at the sound of your voice, his eyes wandered to your figure as you stared down at the piece of fabric. “What can I say? You’re an idiot, I feared you won’t recognize me considering you’ve never actually used your glasses during our small encounters,” Renjun chuckled sadly, sitting on your bed as you sat up and leaned on the headboard. “You didn’t even say goodbye, I thought you left because you were in shock of my sudden concussion on that day,” he said half-jokingly, putting a hand behind his neck.
You gave him a sad smile, caressing the postcard with your thumb. “My parents were tricked that day. They trusted the wrong person and the police got a hold of them, my mother left me outside all alone so the police wouldn’t find me and take me away too,” you explained, pulling your knees to your chest as you leaned your chin on your arms. “I remembered being so alone, so cold. That’s why I decided to flee Edinburgh, we weren’t allowed to stay for too long. Our neighbour told us they were going to get us permits but the next day… unfortunately that happened.”
Renjun’s heart ached for you, he never wanted to see you sad. Even though you weren’t supposed to be in Edinburgh in the first place, he felt slightly selfish for it. If it weren’t for the fact that your parents had moved her, maybe your parents would still be by your side to this day. However you can’t change what’s been done, the past is the past. He couldn’t do anything to make the pain of losing a parent go away that easily.
He placed a hand on yours, rubbing his thumb soothingly against your knuckles in a silent attempt to comfort you. You smiled at him, scooting closer to Renjun without hesitation. “I’m so sorry about that, I didn’t know,” Renjun spoke briefly, letting your fingers intertwine with his own tightly. He reached over to his pocket, pulling out the key to his heart and tugged your intertwined fingers together. “I can’t make the pain of losing your loved ones go away like a magician could, but the only thing I can assure you is that I’m not going anywhere and this key is the living proof of it.”
He laid the small golden key in your palm, tucking your fingers against it. “This is the key that winds me up, without it, I would be knocked out for good,” he chuckled, gazing his eyes deeply into yours. “You can wind me up, open up my heart, do whatever you want,” he shrugged, watching you scoot closer to him and mirrored the same actions as the ones he showed you on the Ghost Train. “If it hurts, don’t hesitate to tell me,” you informed him, turning the key to the right slowly.
“It doesn’t usually hurt,” he laughed lightly, eyes filled with love and adoration. He felt his heart spark up with the same comforting flame you manage to set. He found comfort in the love of his life gently caressing his fragile heart as if it was made out of the rarest jewels in existence.
He found comfort in you. You really are the key to his heart.
“There you are, you little brat!” the owner of the ghost train spat, entering the trailer quite rudely. “You there, what are you doing holding back my employee? As if he doesn’t slack off enough on the job,” she sighed exasperatedly, taking out another cig from her pocket before lighting it up. “You have ten minutes to get there, it’s almost starting,” she hissed, her tone filled with anger and malice as she made her way out of the trailer with a huff of breath.
You and Renjun shared knowing looks, giggling softly as you pulled the key out of his heart. “I think we should get going,” you said in an almost hushed tone as if you were to make a louder sound, you would break the comforting silence between the two of you. You outstretched your hand to give him back his key but Renjun shook his head at you, chuckling softly as he gently curled your fingers against the key in your palms and gently pushed your hand back towards you.
“Keep it, I insist,” he shook his head. “What? No, don’t be silly! It’s the key to your heart, Renjun. It’s yours, I can’t keep it,” you shook your head receiving the same chuckle from the boy in front of you. “No, from now on, it’s yours,” he grabbed your free hand in his, intertwining your fingers once again. “Let’s run away together,” he suggested, squeezing your hand in his as he crossed his legs together.
“Excuse me?” your eyes widened at his words. “After your show, run away with me and let’s make the world our oyster,” he gave you the widest grin he could muster, his cheeks was starting to hurt from smiling too much and for too long. He didn’t know where the sudden suggestion came from his mind but he wanted to do what he’s always dreamt of doing with you, to sail for the skies hand in hand with you by his side. (And maybe live a content life in a cottage with three cats and a whole art studio, but that can wait. After all, he’s waited this long to finally reunite with you)
“This is going to sound very cliche but where would we even go?” you giggled, finding his eagerness quite adorable considering it was a rare sight to see, even back when you were still in Edinburgh. “I don’t know, anywhere! The seas, the trees, as long as I’m with you I’m willing to make do with anywhere. As long as you say yes,” he squeezed your hand encouragingly against his, loving eyes pleading for you to say yes. And the smile you gave him was enough to give him his answer.
-
Renjun ran all over the amusement park with his suitcase in hand, the sound of your voice booming through the speakers as he felt the adrenaline rush through his veins, happiness surging through every part of his body. He was finally living, he was no longer going to live in the same, miserable hollow shell he had been living his whole entire life. A bright smile spread across his face as he entered the theater, panting heavily.
“Well then?” Doyoung pipped up, putting his hands at his hips as Renjun gained his composure as though Renjun’s wide smile hadn’t given him the answer he was hoping for. “She loves me, the real me,” he sighed exasperatedly, putting his hands on his chest as he could hardly believe it himself. “Congratulations, my dear boy! I’m delighted for you, absolutely delighted,” he gave Renjun a hug and patted his back as if he was his own younger brother.
“We’re going to run away for the hills together after her show, I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me. I’m sure I wouldn’t have done this without your help,” Renjun beamed, pulling away to shake his old friend’s hand enthusiastically, his mechanical heart racing rapidly against his chest at the thought of eloping with you all over Europe. “I’m going to miss you, Renjun. Do write to me from time to time,” he gave him a nod, a proud smile etched on his face, causing Renjun to chuckle and nod. “Of course.”
As Renjun was in the middle of packing, your show had finally ended. You snuck back in your trailer to pack your own clothes, but then you saw none other than one of your fellow performers, Choi San, sitting on your desk with a small piece of paper in hand. “San? What on earth are you doing here?” you asked, furrowing your brows as you took out your suitcases from your closet. “I heard you’re going to run off with that new boy,” he grinned, chuckling slightly as he smacked the paper against your desk. “Renjun? Oh! Turns out, he was the boy I fell in love with back in Edinburgh,” you giggled, shoving random clothes into your suitcase, your makeup bags, your shoes, anything you could possibly fit into one single bag.
“I need to tell you something before you get into serious trouble,” San informed, giving you a hard expression before hopping off your desk to hand you the piece of paper. “I was doing my daily letter checking at the post office and I found this in the mail, it was from Renjun’s guardian from Edinburgh,” he sighed, crossing his arms as you opened the piece of paper to reveal a fancy handwriting underneath. “It tells you everything you need to know about Renjun.”
You squinted, pulling your glasses from your purse and putting them on. “What are you going on about here, San?” you furrowed your brows as you read through the letter. It was indeed from the ‘Madam Wendy’ Renjun would always rant to you about during your days together back in Edinburgh. “That thing he calls a heart, it’s not what you think it is. It’s a grenade, a ticking time bomb waiting to be triggered, he’s dangerous, y/n,” San informed, his hard expression turning into worry.
“I'm just glad I came here before it was too late,” he sighed in relief, looking down at his feet. “No, San, you must be mistaken. Renjun wouldn’t hurt a fly, he’s absolutely harmless!” You shook your head, refusing to believe his words as you looked down at the letter. “For now, but until he loses control of his heart and therefore fails to abide by the three rules Wendy had given him on the day he was born,” San informed, his eyes narrowing at the letter.
“The three rules?” you furrowed your brows at him, watching as San’s expression grew dim with sympathy. “Everything you need to know is in that letter, I’ll give you some time to yourself,” San patted your back with a comforting smile before exiting the trailer, leaving you with the letter and your own thoughts.
-
“Are you trying to make me a murderer?!” you exclaimed, exiting your trailer with your fists clenched up tightly by your side. “Excuse me?” Renjun furrowed his brows in confusion, being taken aback as he took a step towards you with his suitcase in hand. “What are you even talking about?” he asked, letting the air sink back into his lungs from all the running he had to do all over the amusement park. “Madam Wendy told me everything in this letter,” you shoved the letter against his chest, watching as shock took over his features.
“Wendy sent a letter?” he gaped, his jaw dropping to the floor as he inspected what seems to be his caretaker’s handwritten letter. “She told me about the three rules, how you ran away against her wishes, everything! Were you not going to tell me these important details?” you hopped off of the first few steps of your trailer to come closer to the boy you love deeply in front of you. “Or did you forget to tell me something as serious as that?” you snapped, sadness and betrayal flossing over your eyes.
Renjun felt his heart sink into his stomach at your hurtful expression, he was so caught up in the fantasy of running away with you, he completely forgot about his fragile condition for a brief moment. “Who even are you, Renjun? I want to know who’s the man I’m falling in love with,” you gripped the hem of your dress to keep yourself from screaming at him out of pure frustration and anger, feeling your heart ready to explode at the fact that you had the potential to kill him if your relationship proceeded from this far on.
“I wouldn’t ever forgive myself if you died,” you tried hard to swallow the lump in your throat, looking down to hide your glossy eyes as you tried your best not to think of what would happen to him if you hadn’t received that letter.
Renjun froze in place, his eyes turning glossy with his own tears as he watched you speak, the words jammed at the back of his throat as he knew, deep down, there was nothing he could do to change your mind. It was far too late, he can’t do anything to change your mind anymore. “I refuse to love you, I refuse to be a murderer. That’s not my idea of love,” you shook your head at him, putting the back of your hand against your eyelids to wipe away the tears. Every word that came out of your mouth felt like a dagger into his mechanical heart. It hurt. Renjun was hurting. His heart was breaking right in front of you, and you both knew it.
“It’s selfish,” you couldn’t help but splutter out. “No, wait. You got it all wrong, y/n,” he finally spoke up, frustration filling his veins as he found the courage to speak up. “Oh, so you didn’t escape your guardian’s home without permission, thus causing her to worry about you for the past few weeks with no information whatsoever?” you snapped, putting your hands on your hips after you wiped your tears away. “Yes, but that isn’t the problem here!” he shook his head, taking a step towards you as he groaned in frustration.
“There you go! Oh, so now you’re going to disobey another rule and lose your temper?”
“It’s not like that! Just listen to me-” Renjun reached his hand out to your face before his body started twitching in pain, causing him to drop on his knees as gears and screws popped out of his heart. You gasped, watching as your lover writhe in pain on his knees, letting out pained grunts for the next fifteen seconds right in front of you. Thus, giving you a brief image of what was going to happen if you continued on.
“You’re scaring me, Renjun.”
“I’m sorry.” he breathed out, putting his hand on his knees as he ignored the steaming state of his cuckoo clock heart. Your eyes softened at his guilty figure, your hands laying limp by your sides as you let out a sad sigh. “Goodbye, Renjun.” Were your last words before you walked away from him, leaving him to deal with his own pain.
“I did the craziest things for you. My life isn’t always topsy turvy when it comes to love, but I put my life in your hands because I truly love you,” Renjun confessed, causing you to pause in your step. You inhaled deeply, not giving him a spare glance. “Yes, I agree, your actions are inhumane at this point, but count me out, Renjun,” you hissed back, wrapping your arms around yourself to keep yourself from shaking and breaking down right in front of him. “I’d prefer you to be hurt like this than dead, I can’t live with myself if I was the reason for your passing,” you sighed, looking down at your shoes briefly.
“Please just leave me alone. I’m not running away with you.”
You didn’t look back as you walked away, ignoring the sound of a distraught Renjun getting to his knees, holding his heart in pain. His eyes scrunched up in pain as he let out small grunts, trying to get to his feet back to make his way back to the theater. He collapsed back to the concrete ground as soon as he got to his feet, the ear piercing sound of his clock falling apart before him lingered in his mind as cogs and screws popped out of his makeshift heart. He wanted to scream out your name and plead for you to come back into his embrace, but he knew you wouldn’t turn back.
So he did the only thing that came into his mind in order to stop this unbearable pain. He got up to his feet, putting two hands on his clock and pulled hard, ignoring the physical pain it brought him as he tried to rip out his own heart from his chest. Letting out a scream of pain as he collapsed to the floor, pieces of wood and metal scattering across the floor and drops of blood dripping from the doors of his heart.
“Renjun!”
Doyoung and Naeun came up to Renjun as quickly as they could, holding him up as he coughed heavily. “I want to change into a new clock, I’m so tired of this one constantly falling into bits every time I feel the slightest bit of joy,” he mumbled almost monotonously, letting out another fit of coughs afterward. “Madam Wendy was right,” he added with a light painful laugh. “I suppose I have some spare parts to help you fix your clock from my camera, I’ll go get them-” Doyoung insisted but Renjun gripped on the older man’s wrist urgently.
“No, I want a new heart. I’m tired of this one. One that works. I’ll never fall in love again,” he leaned over, cupping his mouth as he coughed once again, feeling more gears pop out of his clock like a confetti from a canon. “You’re running out of time, Renjun, you must seek help immediately. Is there anything you can do to salvage what’s left of your heart until you get back to Edinburgh?” Doyoung asked, furrowing his brows. “I can’t, I gave the key to Y/n. She left me, I can’t get it back anymore,” Renjun shook his head sadly, looking down at his own blood staining his fingertips.
“That key is your life, Renjun! You took a huge risk,” Doyoung shook his head at how deeply in love the boy in front of him was. “I know,” he mumbled, his words becoming more breathy by the moment. “You must return to Edinburgh and have Wendy patch you up again, it’s the only way to save your life,” Doyoung slung an arm around his shoulder, lifting him up as Naeun helped with carrying his suitcase.
Doyoung led a heartbroken Renjun onto a carriage to the nearest train station. He insisted on coming with the young lad but Renjun wanted to face the consequences of his actions alone, he couldn’t bear to rip his friend away from the path of success he was walking into. So, with a heavy heart, Renjun rode the train back to Edinburgh with his eyes closed and his heart hurting like hell against his chest.
‘This must be the same feeling Pip went through when Estella finally broke his heart to elope with some other man she didn’t love.’ he thought bitterly to himself.
-
“Madam Wendy what?” your jaw dropped as San shared a new bit of information.
He leaned over, showing you the newspaper he was reading which informed you that Madam Wendy had passed in her prison cell. Apparently, she was caught for tampering with mechanics on a dangerous level with her other patients and was thrown in jail once again, but the disappearance of her adopted child had a great impact on her health, therefore she left her body in the cell she was staying in.
“Oh, no. Oh dear god, no,” you hopped out of San’s performance tent, patting your pockets and pulling out the key that belongs to Renjun’s heart. “What’s wrong?” San asked, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth as he stood up as well, worried as his brows furrowed in confusion. “Renjun gave me the key to his heart, I forgot to give it back,” you yelled back, running as quick as you could to the theater, the only place where Renjun could be at the moment.
You knocked as hard as you could, calling out the boy’s name in a panic. “Miss Y/n? What are you doing here?” Doyoung asked, opening the door as he rubbed his eyes from the lack of sleep. “Can you tell me where I can find Renjun? I still have the key to his heart,” you asked in an abrupt tone, showing the older man the key in your palms. “Nothing to worry about, Miss! He’s on his way back to Edinburgh as we speak, Doctor Wendy can patch him up in a jiffy!” Doyoung smiled.
“That’s what I’m afraid of, oh god, no. But Madam Wendy’s passed away,” you informed, clenching your fists with the key in your hand. Doyoung’s eyes widened in surprise, his face turning pale at your words. “Oh boy, that isn’t good news. Go after him, hurry! Save Renjun before it’s too late, that’s what he wants more than anything. I put him on a carriage to the nearest train station. If you’re lucky, you might catch him on the train before it departs,” Doyoung rummaged through his bag, pulling out a random journal.
“Here, take this. In case you don’t catch up to him, here’s something to read on the way. It’s a journal I kept ever since the very day I met Renjun,” he handed you the journal as Naeun called another carriage for you to ride to the train station. You sighed, your head filled with worry as you looked up at the two adults willing to help you save Renjun despite the fact that you were the main reason why he was in this mess in the first place.
“Thank you.”
-
Renjun laid in the snow, near the house where he used to call home. Sniffling as he leaned against the tree at the bottom of the hill. Joy and Yeri had contacted him and brought him the news of his caretaker’s passing. Sulking as guilt took over his body, regretting every single decision he had made the past few months. And now he’s going to suffer the consequences of dying all alone. He couldn’t walk into his own home after the news, choosing to lay down under the snow to let himself slowly freeze to death and possibly hypothermia.
So now, he was taking his last few breaths, enjoying the bright sky as he watched his skin froze, tears slowly turning into eyes as he laid there all heartbroken and damaged. His hair was white from the snowfall, with bits of brown peaking out in between as he sniffled and sobbed over the loss of his mother. Taking deep breaths to regain his composure, as his skin grew numb against the cold.
“Renjun! I’m here!”
It was as if the God above had decided to send an angel back to help him, he slowly looked up with half lidded eyes, a small shaky smile spreading across his lips as you fell to your knees to help him. “Renjun, oh dear god, no,” you whimpered, leaning close as you laid a hand on his jaw, making him lean his head up to look at you weakly. You grimaced at his cold skin, it felt like ice to you. It was as if he was turning into a giant ice cube right in front of you.
His appearance made your heart break. He looked so pale and broken since the last time you saw him. His eyes were red and swollen from the tears, snow gathering on his eyelashes, eyebrows, hair and clothing. Hell, he was wearing nothing but the thin coat he wore the last time you saw him. Dried blood was stuck to his cuckoo clock heart which was in a worse condition than it was back in Andalusia. You ran your thumb over his soft cheek, making him lean his face against your warm touch as you wiped the snow away from his skin. His breathing was slow, as if he was taking every breath he could before his last.
With a shaky hand, you placed what's left of his heart back into their original place, your breathing becoming shaky as you held back your tears. It truly hurt you to see Renjun in this state, you knew he was on the brink of death. You didn’t even want to think about what would have happened if you had arrived much much later.
You pulled out the key to his heart from the inner pocket of your coat, leaning forward to press the key into his heart. But alas, his hand stopped you as he gently gripped your wrist and pulled it away from him. “No, I’m not too late. I’m not letting you die here, just let me turn the key,” you shook your head, blinking back the tears as you pushed your glasses up from the bridge of your nose. “I came back to save you, please just let me do this,” you pleaded, caressing his cheek with your thumb in a futile attempt to convince the love of your life to let you save him.
“You came all the way back for me,” a tear streaked down Renjun’s cheek which froze under the cold atmosphere, sticking to his cheek. “That’s the most extraordinary turn you could ever give my heart,” he laughed slightly, half lidded eyes trying their best to stay open as his vision began to grow blurry and he wasn’t sure if it was because he was losing consciousness or if it was because of the tears he was holding back.
He tugged the key out of your hand before tossing it over the hill. “No, Renjun, what did you do?!” you panicked, your eyes growing wide at the key disappearing from your line of vision. “No, why did you do that?” you shook your head at him, pressing your body close to him as he leaned his back against the tree. “From now on, whatever happens to me,” Renjun spoke, giving you the same boyish smile he sent your way on your last day in Edinburgh two years ago. “I’ll only have myself to blame,” he sighed, intertwining your free hand with his icy cold one.
“So now you can kiss me.”
Your heart broke as you finally let your tears go, squeezing his hand tightly in yours as you sniffled. “As I said before, the things you do are absolutely inhumane,” you pushed your forehead against his, feeling your tears hit his wet clothes as you felt his other hand go to your jaw. “I’m just upset I never got to give you the painting I’d been working so hard on for all these years,” he chuckled, his eyes growing even more red as his tears streamed down his face like a leaking tap.
He caressed your jaw in his hand, eyes scanning your face one last time as he came with the fact that this was your last goodbye before he leaves for good. “If we were ever to be reborn again, I would still wish and pray for the gods to make you my first and last love,” he couldn’t help but laugh to stifle a sob that erupted from his throat. “And if we were ever to be reborn again, I hope you can always continue to smile like that until the day you close your eyes for good,” you nuzzled your forehead against his, sniffling hard.
Thus with eyes clenched shut, you and Renjun pressed your lips together in unison for a passionate yet innocent kiss. You could hear the last strike of Renjun’s ticking clock, a loud ‘cuckoo’ piercing the quiet atmosphere as Renjun pulled you closer to him by wrapping an arm around your back and leaning his head to the side for a better angle. Your warm soft lips pressed onto his cold chapped ones, wet from the snow. Your intertwined hands squeezing each other as you felt his mechanical heart put a ring on your own.
The next time Renjun opened his eyes, he was at the gates of heaven, standing in front of an actual angel with a bright expression on his face. “Huang Renjun, I assume?” the angel greeted, a soft smile spreading across their face as Renjun nodded. “You seem a bit too young to be up in heaven. Aren’t you just 18 years old?” the angel asked, pulling out a clipboard to look through Renjun’s life data. “I was almost nineteen, though,” Renjun shrugged, his wide smile never disappearing from his facial features.
“I’m so sorry you had to leave life so soon, young man,” the angel cooed, taking out a pen from their desk as they began to fill out Renjun’s form for his plans now that he’s in the afterlife. “Care to tell me what happened while I do the paperwork for you?” the angel asked, sticking their tongue out as they wrote Renjun’s life information on the glowing paper with a messy handwriting, reminding him of the postcard you had sent him less than a couple months ago.
Renjun looked around the bright place he was in, sighing heavily as he stared up the gates of heaven with a content expression. He swiped his tongue over his pink lips as he finally felt his heart no longer empty,
“I fell in love.”
a/n: i didn’t like how this turned out lmfao but oh well HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, HUANG RENJUN MWUAH
¤ taglist: @leetaeyonglover @lebrookestore @oifelixcmerebrou @vera-liscious @kunrengui @thats-a-jen-no-no
#NCT-WRITERS#neowritingsnet#neoculturecafe#nct x reader#nct dream x reader#renjun x reader#huang renjun x reader#nct u x reader#nct renjun x reader#nct angst#renjun angst#renjun scenarios#huang renjun scenarios#nct dream renjun x reader
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Meg's Game of Tales: Tale 2 Part 2
*Here is part 2! It's a bit earlier than I planned, but that's what I had the most inspiration for! Again, the original "Snow White" tale was written by The Brothers Grimm and any familiar characters do NOT belong to me!*
Part 1
Warnings: Snow White AU, violence, blood, and death. Typical fairytale magic.
Pairings: Ramsay Bolton x princess!reader
Ramsay let out a sigh as his aching bones cracked. He'd been chasing you for weeks now and he was growing bored. The song and dance between you was getting old. Stale. He decided that, this time, when he found you, he was just going to end the game. That is, if the queen didn't get to you first.
Ramsay wasn't stupid. He knew the queen could have killed you herself a long time ago. She had the power. She just didn't want to get her hands dirty. But now she was impatient, waiting on Ramsay to find you and kill you. It was no secret she was gifted with magic and Ramsay knew she was finally going to use it to kill you. Ramsay couldn't have that. You were his and his alone.
Unfortunately for Ramsay, he was too late. Your latest hiding place had been the home of seven miners and the queen had found you just before Ramsay. Ramsay could see several sets of footprints heading away from the cottage and one set heading back toward it.
Ramsay approached the cottage just in time to see you take a bite of a bright red apple. In an instant, you began gasping for air as you choked on the apple. A wicked laugh came from the old woman standing at the window. When your form fell to the ground at the window, Ramsay saw red. Anger built up in him. This old hag destroyed his game! She took his pretty pet from him! In a rage, Ramsay ran up and slaughtered the old hag.
She let out a strangled cry as her magic disguise melted away like the snow underneath her feet. Red blood dripped onto the ground. The queen's eyes widened in shock. "What did I tell you? I told you that blood would stain the ground before the end of winter. Now, for now, you are alive. However, the moment I pull my sword from your gut, you will be dead as your innards are ripped from you. I suggest you tell me how to save the princess before I do that."
The queen glared at him, but gasped out, "Kiss. True love's kiss." Ramsay gave a nod of his head before pulling the sword from the queen's body. "Damn," he cursed under his breath. If there was one thing Ramsay knew, it was that he didn't love. He told himself that it wasn't a big deal that you were dead, but he was upset that his game had been cut short on someone else's terms.
After cleaning off his sword, Ramsay pushed his way into the cottage. He scooped you up in his arms and carried you out of the cottage just as the residents returned. They glanced between you and Ramsay and the queen lying dead on the ground. They instantly knew what had happened.
"Can she be saved?" one of them asked. Ramsay's frown deepened. "The witch said true love's kiss." The miners all mirrored Ramsay's expression. They didn't think you had a true love. The eight men looked at you for a moment before another miner spoke up, "D-Do we have to bury her? The thought of her being locked away in such darkness doesn't suit her. She was too kind and generous."
The miners decided not to bury you. Instead, they created an ornate glass coffin for you so that you could still have sunlight, even in death. Ramsay thought it was a little too much, but indulged them. They had tried to keep you safe. It was your good heart that lead you to speak to an old woman you'd never seen before, even through the window.
When the coffin was finished, they laid you in it. Each one dropped a kiss to your forehead by way of a final farewell. Ramsay had to admit that you still looked beautiful. And peaceful. Almost as if you were merely sleeping. "Would you care to say your goodbyes, sir?" Ramsay arched a brow. The very thought seemed ludicrous. Then again, he had stayed while they took the time to forge a glass coffin for you.
Ramsay slowly approached the coffin. He had to admit that this was unlike any death he'd ever seen before, magic or not. No blood. No violence. Just…quiet stillness. The huntsman was surprised to find that his heart ached for the loss of his little pet. He felt a tug in his chest at the thought of never being able to chase you down again. Of the end of his game. When he reached the coffin, he glanced down at you. A bit of sunlight came through the trees making you look almost ethereal. With a soft sigh, Ramsay leaned down and whispered, "Rest well, Pet," before pressing a gentle kiss to your cold lips.
As he was about to turn away, a gasp caught Ramsay's attention. The miners all made a similar noise, prompting Ramsay to turn around. If he hadn't known it was magic, he'd swear it was a miracle. Your eyes were open, gazing up at him in disbelief. Your chest was rising and falling as you breathed in air for the first time in days.
"True love's kiss," one of your friends reminded the rest. Ramsay's heart almost stopped beating then and there. How could he possibly be anyone's true love? Let alone yours? Without warning, you wrapped one arm around Ramsay's neck. "Thank you," you whispered in his ear. Ramsay wasn't sure how to react to that. No one hugged him.
Before Ramsay even knew what was happening, he felt you pull away and place his own dagger at his throat. Your eyes, that were normally full of love and naiveté, were hard and icy. Clearly you'd been training since the last time Ramsay had seen you. "If you ever kiss me again without my permission, I will use this dagger to run you through. True love or not." Your voice was a soft hiss, but held a strength that Ramsay couldn't help but admire.
"As you wish, my princess. Now, if you would be so kind." You pulled the dagger away and moved to stand. Lack of use caused your legs to buckle underneath you. Ramsay caught you in time, lifting you up and carrying you over to his horse.
"Where are we going?" Ramsay grinned. "Why, your castle of course. You are queen now after all." You arched a brow. "Am I? And I suppose you're going to say that you're the king." A deep chuckle resonated through Ramsay's chest. He placed you on his horse before climbing up behind you. "Of course not," he answered, "Because you'll always be my little pet," he whispered in your ear. He felt your face grow warm under his lips and he laugh again as he urged his horse toward your castle. Things were going to change and Ramsay couldn't wait.
(a/n: I hope you like it! I apologize for dropping the ball last weekend. It's been a rough couple of weeks for writing, but I seem to be doing better so my plan is to get 2 tales out for you next week!)
#meg's game of tales#game of thrones#fairytale au#snow white au#part 2#ramsay bolton#ramsay bolton x reader#ramsay x reader
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Birthday Memories
Word Count: 1591
Warnings: A little angst, a bit of fluff, some recovery Bucky
Summary: Bucky figures out why birthdays are so important.
A/N: This is just a little something I put together for one of my favorite characters of all time to celebrate his birthday. It hasn’t been beta’d and I wasn’t planning on writing it, but my finger slipped. Oops. 😇
He didn’t tell anyone.
He didn’t want them to know. He didn’t want to be reminded that his life was taken away. He didn’t want to be reminded that he was over a century old.
He didn’t want to remember that the last birthday he ever had was in the midst of a war he never wanted, among friends who became brothers, and whom he’d never see again.
He didn’t want to remember the “party” he had with his family. How his sisters would give him something meaningful of theirs since they didn’t have money, usually a stuffie or a toy. How his mother would stay up all night decorating their small apartment with everything they could afford - streamers and a couple balloons, usually. How his father would work overtime to make him something at the shop; a small wagon he got for his eighth birthday, a wooden gun for his tenth, and a new baseball bat for his thirteenth after he broke the one he had for years. How his parents would scrape and save all year so that he could have that stupid chocolate brownie cake that he loved so much, but was extremely expensive, form the bakery down the street.
He didn’t want to remember how Sarah Rogers - one of the greatest women he’d ever met, a second mother to him - always came over early, dragging little Stevie along, to make those delicious blueberry pancakes she concocted, even though she was busy enough without stressing over him and his birthday breakfast. Even though she always had a new hat she made him every year and didn’t need to make food with a hard to come by fruit. Even though she was alone with her own sick son to worry about.
And Steve. He didn’t want to remember how he always stayed over for the night. How they would talk for hours about their dreams and aspirations. About where they were going to be by the time the next birthday hit. The blonde used to say that his birthday present from him was not having to bail him out of any fights. He always kept that promise; no fighting on Buck’s birthday. It wasn’t the only thing he got from his best pal, though. Steve always kept a sketchbook - a journal of sorts - illustrating their adventures throughout the year, starting the day after Bucky’s birthday when they always went to Coney Island, and ending on his birthday, whether it be a sketch of Bucky blowing out candles, or a drawing of the stars they looked at while talking later in the night.
He didn’t want to remember, because it hurt to do so.
Sometimes he wished he never remembered. It was a cruel thing. A life that he could never go back to. One that he wasn’t ready to leave, no matter how many times he told himself he was while sitting in muddy ditches with bullets flying over head.
Sometimes, on his bad days, he wished the experiments didn’t work. That Steve never came. That he was never “rescued” by that Soviet soldier. That he never survived the fall.
It just so happened that his birthday was one of those bad days.
He missed his life more than he let on. He missed his sisters. He missed his ma. He missed his pa. He missed when it was only him and tiny Stevie against the world. When they could do whatever they wanted, curious and innocent, exploring the big wide world as they knew it.
Turns out, the world is a lot bigger, and a lot scarier, than they thought.
He missed it, and he didn’t want to remember because it hurt, so he didn’t tell anyone, and he didn’t want anyone to find out. He stayed in his room all day, until he got too hungry to ignore around dinner time.
So he walked into the common room of the newly built Compound.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”
He froze as confetti was shot out of those little hand-held cannons, balloons were dropped from the ceiling, and party horns were blown. His team - his friends and family, he had to remind himself - were beaming at him with party hats on their heads, frosting and flour on some of their cheeks. A banner reading, “HAPPY 107th BIRTHDAY, CYBORG!’ was hung up, no doubt courtesy of a certain birdbrain, along with streamers that looked like they were just thrown randomly.
He blinked, trying to process what was happening, before Sam had an arm over his shoulders, dragging him over to the table and sitting him down. Wanda set a plate of blueberry pancakes in front of him as Tony blasted music from the speakers overhead. A pile of gifts sat at the other end of the room, and the island counter was filled with all kinds of treats.
The team gathered around, laughing and teasing while eating the breakfast dinner that Bucky swore came straight from the 1920’s. Once they were done, a familiar chocolate brownie cake was placed in front of him, a gazillion candles on it, which he blew out in one breath to spite Sam, who said he couldn’t do it. Turns out, however, they were trick candles. Bucky rolled his eyes when Tony, Sam, Clint, and Pietro started laughing way too hard, but he couldn’t fight the small smile on his face.
He had yet to say more than a few words by the time they were done with the food and opening presents. He had gotten more books, a telescope, new boxing gloves, a teddy bear, a newsboy cap like the ones they used to have, and a wooden baseball bat along with a new glove (among other things). Tony even booked Coney Island the next day for the team to have it all to themselves.
It was too much; his brain was still processing all that had happened so suddenly in the past hour or two.
They knew. About everything. They knew about his birthday. They knew about the blueberry pancakes. They knew about the brownie cake. They knew about the hat and the baseball bat and Coney Island. They knew it all.
He didn’t have to question how. He looked up from the bear in his hands when something was placed in front of him. He met the ocean blue eyes of his best pal, and instantly knew what he’d done. How could anyone else know? How else could Wanda make blueberry pancakes that tasted just like Ma Sarah’s? How else would they find a hat that looked just like the last one she gave him when he turned 19 in 1936? How else would they know he, one of the most deadly assassins in the world, would want a teddy bear? How else would they know how much the silly decorations and the simple brownie cake meant to him?
Steve gave him that mischievous smile that never ceased to make Bucky chuckle, pushing the book he set on the table in front of him closer. “It’s a little more than a year…”
His icy blue gaze fell to the table, jaw clenching as he realized what it was. A sketchbook. Bigger, better quality than the ones he used to get, but that was to be expected. It was still torn up a little bit, the edges fading, the pages separating.
With shaky hands, he tugged the book closer and flipped through the pages. The Potomac River in DC. His little apartment in Bucharest. The airport in Germany. The Citadel in Wakanda. His hut in Wakanda. Him with his goats. Him and his new arm. Him and the team this past Thanksgiving when everyone came back. Him ice skating at Rockefeller Center during Christmas. New Years. Valentine’s Day. Snow days. Training. Watching movies. Playing games.
The very last couple pages were something he wasn’t expecting though; his family, new and old. Headshots of his smiling parents and sisters and Ma Sarah. The Commandos, laughing despite dirt on their cheeks and tears in their clothes. The Avengers doing signature poses with smirks and winks and cheeky grins. All perfectly drawn, safe in charcoal and ink, hidden protectively within the worn out sketchbooks covers.
“They’d want you to celebrate. So…happy birthday, jerk.”
Bucky’s eyes, prickling with unshed tears, making his vision slightly blurry, wandered up from the pages of black and white to the team, all smiling at him, before landing on Steve.
So maybe he missed the past. And maybe it hurt to remember. But he had Stevie with him, and he had his new team - his new family. And the blonde, as much as it hurt to admit it, was right. His old family would want him to celebrate. To remember them and, instead of getting upset and angry at the world for what it took away from him, would want them to cherish the memories he has. To be glad for what the world gave to him.
A few tears slipped down the curves of his cheeks, but he didn’t mind. They weren’t out of frustration and sorrow. They were good tears. Relieved tears.
“Thanks, punk.”
Maybe birthdays shouldn’t be about holding onto the past and wishing you were back. Maybe they’re about letting go and celebrating everything you’ve accomplished, how you’ve grown. Maybe they’re about being grateful for the people you’ve met, the places you’ve been, and where you end up.
And James Buchanan Barnes was glad to be who he was. A son, a brother, a friend, a teammate, a comrade…a hero.
#HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUCKABOO#cjsinkythoughts#cjswriting#bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#bucky#the winter soldier#mcu#marvel#happy birthday bucky barnes#💙🦾#🎂🎈🎉#bucky fluff#bucky angst#bucky barnes fanfic
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The Light Within - (CARE FOR SERIES)
Pair: Thorin Oakenshield x Healer!Reader (a pretty short one too lol)
Genre: Another majorly angsty LONGGGGGGGG chapter (I am so sorry) with little smidges of fluff again if you squint but barelyyyy any (I’m sorry! I promise it gets better!)
Warning: Very angstyy gore, violence, mentions of rape (no rape), death of character
A/N: With Y/N now far from Thorin, will he be able to regain his senses and stop the orcs from their takeover of his Kingdom? Will these lovers be divided by death? Or will something else prevent them from having their chance?
PREVIOUS (Through The Darkness)
I winced as Gandalf pressed a cold cloth to my neck, the skin now swollen, bruised from Thorin’s violent tossing. The very thought of the dwarf caused tears to rise, a small sob caught in my throat.
Since Gandalf had shepherded me and Bilbo away from the ramparts, Thorin had called on his kin from the Iron Hills, his cousin Dáin, Gandalf had told me specifically. The King turning his back on the battlefield had been the last I had seen of him before being ushered into Thranduil’s tent that had been left unattended.
I looked up at Gandalf, my tears running freely down my cheeks.
‘Oh my dear.’ He said, wiping them away with the curve of his thumb gently. ‘I am so sorry. Your commitment to breaking Thorin out of his stupor, but that sickness runs deep in his family. That dark magic that was set on his grandfather now clutches his heart. And I believe the only one who will be able to break him free now is himself.’
I pushed away the hair that had fallen in front of my face, now covered in muck and dirt from our escape from the battle briefly.
‘That dwarf ... that isn’t Thorin Oakenshield, that’s someone I’ve never seen before. And I know I shouldn’t worry now, and yet it still hurts so much.’
Gandalf’s deep chuckle made me look up, a small smile on his face.
‘That is because you love him, my dear.’
I looked up at him in shock, words faltering as his fingertips grazed the braid that was now revealed my shoulder, the silver bead holding it together glinting in the light of the lantern sitting overhead. I couldn’t help the shaky sigh that left my lips.
‘That I-I do. I do love him Gandalf! I can’t deny it anymore ...’
Gandalf smiled, taking my hands into his. ‘I knew you would find your way to one another. I knew it from the moment you both bickered when you first met. I knew it when you shared that precious moment within the walls of Beorn’s walls.’
I couldn’t stop the chuckle that fell from my lips, even as the tears glided down my cheeks. ‘I never thought you to be an eavesdropper Gandalf!’
He scoffed.
‘I am no such thing my dear! When one wants secrecy, they must do it where no one shall overhear!’
The smile faded as soon as it appeared, shaking my head, ‘Gandalf I can’t give up on him. I can’t leave him behind.’
Gandalf sighed, eyes momentarily flicking to the entrance of the tent where Bilbo stood on watch, screams and shouts of war rising and growing louder by the second. He placed a hand on my cheek gently.
‘Then don’t my dear, stay and hope that that dwarf comes to his senses. And if doesn’t we will find some way to bring him back.’ I nodded with a small smile, squeezing his hand as he got to his feet with a groan. ‘But first we must fight to live another day. Are you ready?’
Glancing down towards my sword, I gripped it, also getting to my feet.
‘More than ever.’
A cry left my lips as I thrust my sword into the neck of an orc that had fallen to his knees before me, screeching wildly as I withdrew, blood spraying across ground as it collapsed.
Gasping for air, I wiped away the ichor against my pants that stained my hand, leaning against the bridge as I looked over the bloodied field where the chaos raged on between all creatures, armour shining brightly against the harsh sunlight.
The Orcs had descended upon the battle of the elves, humans and the dwarves, taking us all by surprise, their numbers far greater and far more powerful than all three parties combined.
The kingdoms would be ripped apart if they weren’t stopped, and the company that hid within the mountain of Erebor would all but be overthrown.
I turned as Bilbo stood beside me, covered in blood and muck, both of us standing in silence as we watched on. He took my hand in his, voice merely a whisper. ‘Y/N, do you think we will live to see another day?’
I looked to him at this, my eyes wide and glistening before turning away. The very thought of a new day rising after one such as this seemed unlikely, and it frightened me to even hold onto such hopes. Not when all I wanted hid within the mountain, the obsession of gold to strong for him-
Suddenly a deep rumble echoed across the plains, making me turn back towards the battlefield. There, standing upon the great dwarf statue of Erebor, was Bomber, blowing into a large horn.
The makeshift rampart was ripped apart, a magnificent golden bell ringing through the silence that had fallen upon the battlefield, all eyes watching.
Before a familiar Khuzdul battle cry came forth.
I couldn’t stop the loud gasp that had left my lips as Thorin emerged into the sunlight. Cloak and crown gone, instead a sword in hand, running onwards into the fight with the company at his side.
I smiled through the blur of tears as the dwarves began to fight against the orcs alongside the elves and Dain’s army. I looked towards Gandalf with, after so long, a large smile, tears streaming down my face.
‘They’re fighting back-Gandalf, their fighting back.’
He looked over us towards the mountain, his face instantly turning from a scowl to a small smile full of hope, almost like a child, ‘They’re rallying their king! There may be hope for us yet.’
However, that small bit of hope was stamped out when a raven flew over head, landing before me only moments later. I unclasped the note from around it’s foot, hurriedly unrolling it.
‘Gandalf.’
He turned at my firm tone, making his way towards me along with Bilbo.
‘Legolas sends word that Azog has another army attacking!’
‘From where? Where my dear?’
A chill ran down my spine as I read the messy elven handwriting, looking up towards the wizard. ‘From the North, right towards Ravenhill.’
Gandalf huffed, eyes wide in horror before looking towards the hilltop where the dwarves had headed for. ‘We must warn Fili, Kili and the others. If we don’t they’ll be in great danger once they enter the depths of Ravenhill. Bilbo, you know what to do.’
Bilbo nodded and set off immediately, disappearing into the crowd. But as I went to follow, Gandalf grabbed my shoulder, shaking his head.
‘Not you my dear! You’ll take another route, and more importantly to Thorin. If it’s anyone he needs at his side right now, it’s you’
I nod at this before following him, fighting alongside him through the oncoming hoards of orcs before he led me to a group of eagles cawed as they fought of those who dared to attack, throwing them over the ramparts.
Gandalf, leading me over to the largest of the group, gave me a boost up onto the great creature. ‘Keep your head down and your heart full of courage. Get to Thorin and warn him of the oncoming dangers that are coming but be careful. I don’t want to lose my one good apprentice.’
I stared down at the wizard with a smile, shaking my head.
‘Oh Gandalf, didn’t you know that getting into trouble is what I’m famous for?’
With one last smile towards me along with a nod, Gandalf raised his staff towards the eagle that let out a shriek before lifting off in flight, the rushing of wind welcoming me into its arms as I clung to the eagle’s beautiful feathers.
As we rose above the clouds, I could only pray that we would make it to the hill, and hope we were not too late.
The ride to Ravenhill was a lot more dangerous than I had anticipated, on our descent the frost becoming like sharp glass against my skin, the eagles shrieking as they forced themselves through the storm.
Through the fray of white, I sighted the peaks of the blackened ruins of Ravenhill, a ripped flag flailing in the winds violently, the howl of the wind echoing across the hilltop.
I gripped my sword tightly, tightening my group as the eagle flew down towards the towers, giving me time to slip down before it took off to join its pack, continuing to circle above.
Without a moments hesitation, I ran across the the length of the tower, careful of the mounds of snow that covered the path before reaching the crumbled window only to gasp in horror. Looking out over the frozen lake, I instantly recognised the dwarf that staggered across the ice, a towering one armed Orc trailing after him with a chained brick weapon, swinging it towards him.
Thorin, now holding the beautifully elven crafted sword Orchrist, shining in the light of the rising sun, standing his ground against the pale Orc who roared.
I ran down the first set of stairs I came across, down torn corridors and passages, before I slid across the frozen lake towards the duel. With Azog’s back turned to me, I easily found an open, slipping my sword across his side, slicing through the pale skin.
I scurried backwards as the ugly beast reared its head towards me, along with his brick and chain, just catching the ice where I had just moments before stood upon.
‘Y/N?!’ I glanced towards Thorin, and couldn’t stop the brief smile that broke across my face only to shriek as a brick came hauling at me, barely missing me this time. ‘Foolish girl! Leave now!’
‘I’m not leaving you! Not again!’ I screamed, dodging Azog’s sworded up, once again slashing him across the same wounded side, making him shriek, his black blood spilling out across the ice.
I ran to Thorin, the dwarf catching me in his arms as I slipped. I gripped him tightly, regaining my breath as I looked up at him.
‘W-We have to leave! Ano-Another army is set to attack from the North!’
His eyes widened in horror. ‘What?!’
‘Please, we must leave now before it’s too late-’
I gasped at the abrupt shrill high call of the Orc horn I had knew far too well, both of us turning to see the sight of a dark shadowed mass marching over the hill. Shaking my head, Thorin grasped my hand tightly as Azog dragged himself to his feet, growling.
But through all the pain he felt, the monster still smirked, swinging the chained brick high above his head before slinging it towards us, both parting instantly to avoid it.
We circled him, almost working as one as the Orc looked between us, snarling, thrashing his weapon around, all to be in vain, only to become lodged into the thick layer of ice.
It was only when Azog’s gaze became altered over our shoulders I couldn’t help but take a glance, only to shriek as a group of much larger, magnificent and proud as they flew straight towards the oncoming army. And I couldn’t help but chuckle at the small figure of Radogast that sat comfortable upon one of the eagle.
However, it was a moment that had distracted me for far too long, a unexpected sharp pain ran up my side, a scream leaving my lips as Azog swung his sworded arm across me, sending me to my knees. I bit down on my lip hard, trying to crawl away as the towering behemoth laughed aloud.
But as he raised the sworded appendage above my head, he was stopped by Thorin as it came down, who thrust his whole body weight against Orchrist, sending Azog backwards.
Dropping his sword and with all his might, Thorin threw the bricked chain back towards the Defiler, the creature tipping backwards and disappearing fast beneath the water.
It was once the silence fell over us I let out a loud sigh, tears of earnest falling. I whimpered as arms wrapped around me carefully, bringing me to my feet. I smiled up at Thorin, even as he scowled, shaking his head.
‘You foolish woman! Yo-You came back! After everything that happened-After everything I did you came back!’
I laughed softly, pressing a hand to his cheek, heart soaring as he leant into my cheek, nuzzling against my palm. ‘That wasn’t you. I knew you would come back to me, I just had to be there when you needed me.’
Tears glazed his eyes as the first real smile I had seen in months, drawing me close to press a kiss against my forehead. I leant my head against his chest, a tired but joyous smile upon my lips.
It was over, the war was over.
I peaked my eyes open, only to gasp in horror at the sight of Azog beneath our feet, that same dangerous smile painted across his features.
A scream wrenched itself from Thorin, his grip painfully tight on my waist. Looking down in horror to see the familiar blade that belonged to Azog’s arm. Only to be thrown from the warm embrace as the shriek and crackle of ice, landing on the hard frozen lake.
I looked up in time as Azog leapt up out of the ice, sending Thorin to the ground, barely pulling out his sword to stop the jagged metal from piercing his chest, arms shaking uncontrollably, barely able to hold his own against the towering Orc.
I shakily got to my feet, gripping my sword before running at him, screaming as I drove my sword deep into Azog’s chest, a guttural, bloodied gasp leaving his lips before I pulled him off of Thorin. With him staring up at me, I swung my sword down, once more pushing deep into the already gaping wound in his chest.
And as the light faltered in his eyes, I spat. ‘Burn in hell, filth.’
Without sparing a moment, I dropped to Thorin’s side, my hands clasping his face.
‘Thorin can you hear me? Are you okay?’
‘Y-Y/N ...’
I smiled as he gripped my hand, only for it to fade at the scarlet that covered his hand. Looking down I noticed the wound in his chest, the tunic he wore beneath his coat soaked in blood.
‘Oh lord Mahal-’ I whistled as loud as I could, looking up into the skies where the eagles continued to circle, their dark shadows passing amongst the cloud. Suddenly, I coughed violently, leaning away from Thorin, wiping at my mouth, only to find blood.
‘No no no-’
Again I whistled, body shaking as I looked around. A hand pressed against my cheek, gasping as Thorin looked up at me, a gentle smile on his lips.
‘It-it’s alright my dear one, it’s alright-’
I shook my head, pressing a firm kiss to his hand. ‘No no no Thorin. You are going to live! You will not die this day, you’ve just gotta stay awake for me, alright?’
‘I feel so sleepy ...’
I held back a sob, squeezing his hand. ‘I know, Thorin, I know but you have to keep your eyes open! Help is coming! Y-You made me promise you that we would try-that we would try a hand at us! You’ve gotta stay awake-’
However as the words left my lips, his eyelids slid closed, the grip faltering on my cheek as tiredness over took his entire body.
‘Thorin don’t you dare close your eyes!’ I cried, gripping his cheek while the other hand pressed down on his wound, trying to stem the blood that flowed over my fingertips. I looked around once again, screaming into the smoke that rose over the frozen peaks of the waterfall.
‘SOMEBODY HELP US! PLEASE SOMEBODY?!’
I screamed, and screamed, and screamed.
Even when my voice became hoarse, I still screamed at the top of my lungs.
Even as blood spilt down my clothes, I still cried out weakly.
And even as the shadows crept across my vision as I lay beside my unconcious lover, and the blurred outline of a figure came into view, I whimpered.
‘H-Help us ...’
I groaned as I opened my eyes, blinded by the piercing light that entered through the overhead windows. Slowly I sat up, gasping in pain that filled my side, and then I remembered.
The war, Azog. And Thorin.
I rushed to get out of bed, shakily getting to my feet only to fall foward towards the stone floor. However I didn’t make impact, held up by Kili.
‘What are you doing Y/N?! I’ve known you for being an early riser but you must stay in bed! Oin has commanded it!’
I gripped his arm as he helped me sit back on the soft mattress, sighing at the pounding in my head. Once blurring in my vision had faded, I really took in the scene around me to realise we were within the halls of Erebor.
Dwarves and dwarrodams with medical pouches walked through the aisles, standing beside other injured soldiers, a calmness settled over the entire room that we hadn’t felt for months. I looked back up towards him with a small smile.
‘It’s over isn’t it?’
He was hugging me before I could even register it, a small hiccup of pain leaving me before I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close. I ran a hand through his hair, chuckling-or a sobbing-I couldn’t even tell.
‘Oh thank Mahal you’re alright!’
‘The others are too.’ I couldn’t help but relax against him at his words, pulling away to look at him up and down, inspecting him carefully.
‘And you are not hurt?’
‘A few bruises and cuts, every soldier must to be able to tell the tales of war!’
I smiled, but once again thought back to the dwarf I had gone on that desperate mission to save. I gripped Kili’s hand painfully. ‘And Thorin? Is he-’
‘Alive and healing thanks to you.’
I sighed, this time an even greater weight lifting from me. Tears of relief rose in my eyes, looking up at the young dwarf who smiled down at me.
‘May I-’
‘Of course you can. Just don’t tell Oin I’m going against his orders taking away from your time of resting!’
Once dressed in my clothes, which I found had been washed and dried, felt clean against my skin, Kili led me to Thorin’s chambers. More like carried me, taking on most of my body weight to avoid leaning on my right side. I couldn’t help but smile at other dwarves and dwarrodams we passed, earning many in return.
We all had fought for this victory, and free of the Orc’s reign of darkness. Now we could finally smile without the fear of dying on the morrow.
We reached an ornate corridor, adorned with gold and jewels across the walls from roof to the marble floors, and at the very end I could see two guards guarding a large oak door, much different to the room Thorin had taken when ill under the dragon sickness.
There were two other dwarves standing before the entrance, chatting amongst themselves, turning to us as we arrived. With the door slightly ajar, I squinted, looking past the shoulders of the dwarves to see a Thorin, cleaned, bandaged, and peacefully resting,
‘We are here to visit the King-’
The door was shut with a slam, Kili cut off by the one who looked the oldest, his pointed nose raised to us and voice firm. ‘No one is to enter these chambers besides the King’s healer or advisors!’
The Prince scoffed. ‘Do you know who you’re talking to? I am King Thorin’s nephew, I am his kin and I order you to allow us in to see the King!’
‘I know who you are laddie, and I certainly know who this woman is.’
Why did it seem that everyone knew me before I knew them?
I looked toward the dwarf with a raised eyebrow. ‘And who do you think I am?’
He smirked. ‘Word of you reached Ered Luin long before the company of Thorin Oakenshield even reached the cusp of our homeland. Must’ve been a good offer you made our King to join such a company-’
‘I offered my skills-’
‘And much more I think.’
I stared down the second dwarf, cringing inwardly at the ugly smile he sent my way as he looked me up and down, a stare I wasn’t unfamiliar with.
I pushed off of Kili, now nose to nose with him. ‘Watch your tongue-’
‘And you will watch yours missy. You are nothing than a common woman with no title, no family, and nothing to give to this King, or this kingdom. And if word gets out that the King has fallen for a human? Oof, you better run further than the hills. You wouldn’t last a day-’
‘Is that a threat?’
‘No, it’s merely a warning! Because you will be ruined either way, whether you are dead, or defiled beyond reprieve.’
My gut churned at his words, an anger I hadn’t felt in a very long time burning inside me, the memories of my time as a prisoner at the hands of the orcs sweeping through my mind. Everything they had done to me, the way they tied me down, ripped my clothes off, and did nothing but violate me.
Kili, who hadn’t noticed my state, stepped forward in a rage. ‘How dare you speak of her in such a way! You are nothing but cowards! She saved the King’s life-’
‘Then that is her job done innit? Hurry along and find someone else to travel along with, maybe you’ll find some new purpose for yourself, become someone else’s bitch-’
I didn’t remain to hear the rest of the cruel dwarf’s words. Breathing uneven, tears streaming down my face, I ran through the halls, letting the calls of my name that rang out behind me fall deaf upon me.
It felt like everything was spinning, blurred as I fell against a wall, catching my breath, the taste of iron on my tongue. I gripped the marble beneath my nails, as if it would ground myself to reality, distract me from the images of the laughing orcs who had held me down, to dissolve the ugly smiles and laughter that erupted from them once they were finished.
‘Y/N? You silly woman, why are you out of bed? You should be resting! Your wound is bleeding again!’
My eyes shot open at the sight of Gandalf, standing tall over me. Almost instantly, the sternness in his features creased into worry, taking my face into his hands carefully, wiping away the tears.
‘Breathe my dear, breathe.’
I gasped, inhaling as much air as I could, gripping the wizards arms as sobs left me. With the shaking not ceasing, I looked back up towards Gandalf, tears still trekking down my face.
‘Please take me away from here Gandalf-’
‘Why? What has happened?’
I shook my head. ‘I can’t stay here, I-I can’t be here when Thorin wakes up. Please! Take me away from here!’
NEXT (The Aftemath - Coming soon)
A/N: I am so sorry this chapter took so long but here we are! Will it get better? We shall see! I’m sorry!! *runs away*
If your needy for more, read the original CARE FOR series or check out the Masterlist
CARE FOR TAG LIST: @alyhull , @bellastellaluna , @sdavid09 , @aidanturnersass , @letsbeinspiredby , @hiddenmangaka , @female-hux , @elia-the-bibliophile , @fangirlbitch02 @nickangel13 @thatteluguchick
#thorin oakenshield x reader#thorin oakenshield#thorin oakenshield imagines#thorin oakenshield imagine#thorin x reader#thorin oakenshield x healer!reader#the hobbit#hobbit imagines#the hobbit imagines#hobbit imagine#the hobbit imagine#bilbo x reader#bilbo baggins imagines#bilbo imagine#bilbo baggins imagine#billbo baggins#thilbo#gandalf the grey#the company x reader#lord of the rings#lord of the rings imagines#lotr imagines#lotr imagine#lotr x reader#hobbit fanfiction#the hobbit fanfiction#the hobbit x reader#hobbit x reader#thorin oakenshield x y/n#thorin imagines
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Haechan + Coming home + angst with a fluffy ending 👉🏻👈🏻 - 🍓
haechan; angst + fluff
2.6K
[w: swearing, brief mention of alcohol, kisses]
[jeno, jaemin: side characters]
A stupid drinking game.
Haechan has asked himself before if things could have went differently if he didn't do everything he has done.
Not that it mattered.
Haechan had no chance with you whatsoever, he knew it. Because everytime he would look at you, your eyes would be on someone else.
He hated it.
He despised it with his whole being. His guts would twists on each other and he would feel sick to the core.
Yet, a weird sensation of pride or insanity, made him want to act like nothing was happening, like it was okay.
"Okay, my turn," Haechan sat up from the ground putting his weight on his knees instead, his mischievous smile painting his expression and raising the others expectations. "Take a shot if you have a crush on someone in this room."
Haechan had no idea what he was doing. He definitely didn't want to take a shot and he didn't. Nor did anyone else.
"Fuck, okay, here." You spoke up after a moment of uncertainty and threw your head back with the glass on your lips. A choir of screams engulfed the whole room and you felt your cheeks heat up from the adrenaline and alcohol.
You've had a crush on someone in the room and perhaps you were just good at pretending or he was clueless.
Perhaps he was actually clueless because he looked around just like everyone else, excited to see who the crush might be. Then everyone's eyes landed on Jeno and Jeno looked at you shocked.
Haechan couldn't look anymore.
"Jeno. You didn't drink, did you?" Haechan asked.
Jeno opened his lips embarrassed and you shot Haechan an assassin glare.
"Uhm, no, I'm sorry, Y/N, but I-" Jeno started to mumble and you couldn't bear to hear the rest. You got up and exited the room.
---
"I don't want to talk to you anymore. Get out."
Haechan's forehead was resting on your closed bedroom door after everyone left, pupils moving under his lids, jaw muscle clenched imitating his fists.
"Please," he whispered for the nth time that night.
And when you opened the door suddenly he almost fell to the ground.
"Why?" you asked, arms crossed on your chest and angry eyes.
Haechan raised his face to meet your tears-streaked one.
He hated it. He hated to see you like that. And it was his fault.
"Why did you do that, Haechan?"
"Y/N," he tried to hold your hand but you winced.
"Don't touch me. You wanted to see me rejected in front of everyone? Is this what you wanted?"
"I didn't think it through. I was just tired to see you crushing on him when he doesn't even think about you."
You lower lip trembled at his words as a new wave of tears filled your eyes.
"That's my business," you wanted to sound aggressive but the words came out so tiny that you wondered if Haechan actually heard them.
It wasn't anger. Haechan could deal with that. It was a deep disappointment. He could see it in your eyes. A defeat he didn't expect.
He fucked up and there was no going back.
---
In the mornings when the winter sun was not out yet, you could see his face on your closed lids. With a huff you would open them up and kick your blanket.
You shouldn't allow yourself to think about him.
Yet, when the phone screen would lit up, your hand would reach for it almost instantly.
From Jeno: I'm going home now
From You: this late? are you drunk?
From Jeno: haha you mean this early? I'm not drunk, I'm the one driving
From You: be careful
From Jeno: yes ma'am :)
You rolled your eyes, a little smile curving your lips before it could fade away. A sigh and the dark ceiling to keep you company.
You missed him.
You missed Haechan so much it hurt.
---
"So?" a pair of wiggling eyebrows and an elbow in your ribs claimed your attention as you were decorating the table for the Christmas dinner.
"What?" you asked Jaemin.
"You and Jeno?" he indicated said boy with his head trying to not be noticed.
Your hands stopped from folding the napkins and you stared at Jeno's profile, laughing with your friends on the couches.
Jaemin continued to place the cutlery in silence.
"There's nothing going on between Jeno and I," you finally spoke resuming your work.
"He likes you. And you like him."
You didn't add anything.
Jaemin looked at you and hummed at your expression.
"You don't like him anymore?"
You sighed.
"Sorry, don't answer. I'm being invasive. I just don't understand. You would look so good together..." Jaemin mumbled to himself.
"Yeah. I don't know what's going on with me."
But you did know what was going on. It's just that you had no idea what to do with all of that.
"How's Haechan?"
The others kept in touch with him after you drifted apart and you had to stop yourself from asking every second of his whereabouts.
"He's alright. A little weird," Jaemin shrugged.
"How's that?"
The boy looked up pensive. "Hm. I can't put my finger on it but he's a little off. I think he misses hanging out with you."
You gulped.
"I mean, like, all of us together, you know? Like the old times."
"Yeah."
"Maybe," Jaemin talked slowly as if choosing his words carefully. "Maybe we can start doing that again? I mean, Jeno likes you now so... you know, not that what Haechan did is gone etcetera but... what he did is the reason Jeno realized he likes you so..." you listened to Jaemin stutter quickly until you couldn't hear him anymore. The sound drifted away as you imagined seeing Haechan again and it became difficult for you to breathe.
---
From You: Merry Christmas
Your fingers were trembling as you typed and they continued to tremble as they hovered over the phone screen, its light the only source illuminating your face in the dark room. Then it became pitch black as you turned it off and let the phone fall on the bed. After a few steps you were already in front of the door, your feet taking you to the noise coming from the living room.
But then you heard it buzz and you froze in place. Your heart was beating like crazy when you came back and picked up the phone, a text message illuminating the screen again.
From Haechan: Merry Christmas
From Haechan: I hope you're well
You had to sit down.
From You: I am, thank you
From You: I hope you're well too
From Haechan: I am
From Haechan: I just...
From Haechan: I miss you
You stared at your phone until it became all blurry. Blinking fast you saw the drops fall on the chat as you stared at the empty typing bar.
Why were you doing that? What was stopping you from talking to him again? Anger? You weren't mad. Disappointment? You were over it. Resentfulness? You couldn't feel any of that inside of your heart.
It was fear.
You were afraid. So so afraid.
You had a little hope. That you would see Haechan again and become friends just like before. But you needed time. Not to get over what he did.
To get over your feelings for him.
Wouldn't he drift away even further if he discovered how you felt? Wouldn't he say how sorry he is?
You thought that Jeno's rejection was a lot to handle but it wasn't anything compared to the pain in your chest at the mere thought of Haechan doing the same.
You breathed in and out slowly. Haechan was typing and deleting.
From You: I'm coming
From Haechan: where?
From You: are you home?
From Haechan: yes but don't come out, it's snowing a lot
From You: see you in 15
From Haechan: y/n
From Haechan: don't go out
From Haechan: y/n
From Haechan: read my texts!
But you were already in the living room, walking quickly towards the entrance door, ignoring Jaemin standing with his casserole in his hands, and ignoring the voices of people asking you what were you doing and where were you going.
In a heartbeat your coat was on and your shoes were on your feet. You didn't mean to slam the door but in the hurry you didn't care about it at all.
With no transport and empty roads you ran. You ran on the fresh snow, the only sounds being its crunch under your soles, your quick breath and the ringing of your phone.
You heard his voice before you could see his face in the heavy snow. You blinked trying to see better and there he was, a tall figure walking towards you, his coat almost white, just like his fluffy hair and eyelashes, one arm up trying to call you and the most worried expression you've ever seen him wear.
"You're crazy! A crazy person!" he scolded you, getting each step closer and you choked on tears upon seeing his face in so long. So you ran again, opening your arms and wrapping his body between them with such force that he almost slipped backwards.
"You don't even have a scarf on. Look at you with your whole neck out. What were you thinking?"
He continued his rant as his arms wrapped your shoulders but you could hear his relieved sigh as he briefly pressed his face on them.
Then he pulled you away from his chest and finally looked at you in the face. His eyes scrutinized your features and his expression softened.
"Why are you crying?"
He cupped both of your cheeks, rubbing them delicately with his thumbs. His hands were warm and you closed your eyes.
"I missed you too," you whispered and when you opened them again Haechan’s eyes were getting watery too. He looked at the sky briefly as if trying to conceal that but you cupped his face and pulled it down to make him look at you again.
His lips were red and open, letting a warm breath caress your nose.
"I have something to tell you."
Haechan furrowed his eyebrows and blinked at you, a few snowflakes falling from his lashes and melting on his rosy cheeks.
You let your hands descend to his shoulders, brushing away the snow piling up, then his chest and your fingers played with his coat buttons for a moment before being able to speak.
I'm dating Jeno, Haechan thought. That was what you were going to say, right? He likes me now and I know I was mad at you before but now I'm actually grateful that you were a dick that night and made it possible for him to realize that he likes me and now I'm not mad anymore and we can be friends like-
"I love you."
Suddenly the sky fell and Haechan couldn't breathe anymore.
"It was for you," you added.
"What?" Haechan's voice sounded far away to his own ears.
"The shot. It was for you."
"Wait."
The boy steadied himself on you as if the ground was slipping from underneath his feet.
"How is that possible? You like Jeno," he whispered but his mind was working faster than his mouth.
"Is this revenge? You want to make me believe that you love me so that I can confess that I love you too and so you can reject me?" he asked.
Your eyes widened at the theory and you chuckled lightly, expecting Haechan to laugh as well at the joke. But he was serious and the smile flattered on your lips.
"Are you serious?"
Haechan stared back.
"You love me?" you asked again.
"Answer me first. Is this a trick?"
You pressed your palms on his cheeks again, squeezing them until making Haechan pout and you leaned in, kissing his still warm lips. It was a quick and short peck, your heart too overwhelmed to do more, but for Haechan it was enough. His round eyes were shocked and his reddening cheeks told you the rest.
"Why would I trick you into doing that? That's messed up."
"I would do something like that," Haechan whispered, still processing the fact that you've just kissed him.
"Yeah, I know, because you're evil."
"I still can't comprehend how the shot was for me. Why didn't you tell me?"
You stepped back. "Oh yeah? Telling you after everyone thought it was for Jeno, Jeno included? After you did all of that? Me saying 'oh no Haechan, I have a crush on you' and see you reject me too? As everyone was watching?"
Haechan closed his eyes for a second as if pained and you eyed his adam apple going up and down.
"Why didn't you tell me afterwards?"
You sighed. "After you treated me like that? And for what? You didn't take a shot either."
Haechan's face scrunched up. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please, please, forgive me," he wrapped your body again and pulled you towards him. "I was so stupid. I was so fucking stupid."
"You're still stupid," you mumbled, voice muffled by his scarf. You inhaled his scent and slid your arms under his coat, all around his warm torso.
"Yeah. I'm here like an idiot, having you run in the snow and keeping you in the blizzard instead of taking you home-".
"I am home."
You raised your face and the look Haechan gave you warmed you all up as if spring suddenly arrived.
"I love you," he suddenly whispered. "I love you," he repeated. "I love you. I love you." He hugged you tighter and brushed his cold nose with yours. "I love you," he said it again until he couldn't physically say it anymore as his lips kissed yours. It was a slow and soft kiss, as if he was afraid, as if he felt too sorry to do more.
"Kiss me like you mean it."
Haechan finally smiled a little on your lips and he did just that until you started to feel dizzy.
When he pulled away, he cupped your face again then your head, pressing his palms on your cold ears.
"You'll get sick if we don't leave. More kisses later."
In a second his scarf was all around your neck and face, leaving out only your eyes. Haechan smiled at the view and whispered something similar to 'penguin' under his breath.
"Hand," he requested and you gave it to him, letting his fingers intertwine with yours and sighing at the feeling of his warm coat pocket.
"So you were jealous of Jeno, huh?"
Haechan put his tongue in his cheek as you walked down the snowy road and you chuckled at his dry nod.
"What you did was kind of lame, not gonna lie," you teased him.
Haechan sighed and playfully tugged you towards him.
"I'm not mad but you still need to do a few things for me to fully forgive you."
"Okay," he said.
"Kisses. Many kisses."
Haechan nodded once. "Can do."
"Food."
Haechan nodded again. "Also can do."
"Call me princess."
"What!?"
The sound of your footsteps and laughter decreased gradually as you walked away, the white snow engulfing you both until your figures couldn't be seen anymore.
"You have to reject Jeno now."
"Oh my God! That's... so sad, I feel so sorry."
"I would feel sorry too but I'm actually glad. At least it's not me."
"So you're actually evil. Jeno never confessed anyway. There's no need to do that."
"Good. He'll step back when he'll see us making out on the couch."
"We're not making out on the couch!"
"Okay, princess."
The snow covered all of your footsteps, the empty road looking like a white field.
"I love you, princess."
"I love you too."
"Kiss, now?"
"Later."
"Okay, princess."
"Kiss now."
The echo of your laugh as Haechan lifted you up and twirled you around before kissing you was the last thing the snowy road witnessed.
#haechan#haechan fluff#haechan angst#haechan scenarios#haechan imagines#nct#nct fluff#nct scenarios#nct imagines#jeno#jaemin
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in dreams (pt 1)
The Hobbit fanfiction
note: just for fun, this tid-bit takes on the classic ‘reader falls into middle-earth’ trope during the hobbit. you’re in rivendell, with the Company, and then the most beautiful elf in the whole fucking world appears. wohoo!
Summary: You meet the Lady of Lothlorien for what you think is the first time, but she’s already very acquainted with who you are.
Characters: Galadriel x fem!reader, the Company, Gandalf
Word Count: 1,123
You dangled your feet into the cool water of the fountain as a rugged group of dwarves around you stripped with no care in the world. A few kept some clothing on, but others, like the younger, brassier ones, didn’t really worry about anyone, especially you, seeing them in their birthday suits.
You’d been their traveling companion since the beginning of this quest, and you quickly grew fond of them, despite their loud and medieval behaviour at times.
“Lass, quit yer staring!” Dwalin shouted at you. You snorted with amusement, because you hadn’t been staring anywhere inappropriate, but rather watching the low sun in the distance.
“Aye, what’s on our ol’ lass’ mind, then?” Gloin asked. “The Elven wine get to yer head?”
“By Durin, if you could even call that shite wine,” Dwalin responded. “Give me ale over fruity elf drinks any day!”
You chuckled, “they’re really not that bad, I really don’t see why you all have such a problem with Elves.”
“Oh, that tale goes back centuries, dear,” Balin said, squeezing droplets of water from his snow white beard. He was doing the same as you, rolling up his trousers to stick his feet in the water while lounging on the stone edge. “Now’s not the time, unless you want a few heads to start rollin’ around on the floors here.”
You continued, “I mean, sure, Elrond can be a bit prickly with you lot, but that’s because you’re all feasting on his food and drink like pigs.”
“He’s not as bad as the other one,” Fili shouted.
“That one’s just a prick and nothin’ else,” Kili cackled in response, clapping his brother on the back and proceeding to wrestle him under the water. You were sprayed with a haze of water as they thrashed about.
“Who?”
“Thranduil,” Balin sighed, nodding to Thorin. The Dwarf King-in-exile snarled in response to the name, crossing his arms over his chest from where he was leaning against the edge of the fountain.
“Oh, well, yes, he’s a real asshole, obviously,” you said, earning a few chuckles. “So, Elrond’s a bit uptight, Thranduil can go die in a hole, but, what about Lothlorien? The other Elven realm,” you picked at your thumbnail, “what do you know of that leader?”
“Strange, I’ve heard,” Gloin piped up. “A real elf witch if ye ask me. Ye do so much as make eye contact with her, and yer under her spell for the rest of time!”
“You don’t say. I’d like to see that happen,” you grinned.
A glimpse of white light caught your eye. In the distance, crossing one of Rivendell’s bridges was a tall blonde being dressed in impeccable white. You could barely catch a glimpse of her face, but instantly you knew who she was.
Blushing, you wondered if she had heard everything that the Company was speaking of.
“Anyways, why are you so interested in the Elf leaders? Getting tired of us Dwarves? We’ve got plenty of kingdoms to talk about, you know,” Kili threw his hands in the air and splashed you, as if you’d betrayed them in the most devastating way.
“Don’t be absurd!”
“I don’t believe her, boys. Come on!”
Fili and Kili lunged forward and before you knew it, your arms were being tugged and you fell face first in the water with a startled shriek. When you came up, soaked, your first instinct was to whip around and see if she was still standing on that bridge.
She was. You turned beet red, because now she was staring at your strange party, frolicking in the water after you no doubt attracted attention due to your undignified scream.
“I’m gonna kill you,” you growled at the two brothers, eyes twinkling. You splashed more water at them, and they spluttered indignantly before moving to chase you again.
-
Standing on the bridge, Galadriel stared at your strange party for a little while, before moving out of sight slowly, like wading through molasses. Her mind was racing. Your appearance in Rivendell had, quite honestly, startled the Lady of Light. She hadn’t expected you to be real.
Your face and voice had only appeared in deep sleeps of hers, haunting her steps with your laugh, and yet you were never close enough for her to truly see or encounter you.
Celeborn had been concerned for his wife, when she’d wake, restless, pondering. She’d barely spoken of you to him, but it didn’t take a genius, especially being her husband, to figure out what she was dreaming of.
“It is not uncommon to bond with more than one in a lifetime, my love,” Celebron had muttered during one dark and late night.
“Celeborn, this is not a bond like that of those married,” she’d retorted haughtily. “Whoever this is, isn’t real. She cannot be. I do not even know her.”
It went on for months, years. The sight of you here had frightened her to the point where she avoided greeting the Company altogether, no matter the importance of their quest, because how could you be here? Real, breathing and seemingly thriving. She had believed you didn’t even exist.
And now here you were. A human from some faraway place, dazed by the sheer beauty of Rivendell’s magic, surrounded by burly and loud companions.
Galadriel wrung her hands. She made her way to stand on one of the balconies overlooking Rivendell’s forestry. Trying to tune out the shrieks and laughter of you and the Dwarves in the distance and keeping her own stoic, noble appearance.
“Something on your mind, my lady?” Gandalf had approached her and stood next to her on the ledge as the sun slowly set behind the trees. He leaned against his staff as a cool breeze wafted over them, ruffling his beard and her golden locks.
“Your human companion, Mithrandir,” Galadriel began quietly. “Who is she?”
“Oh, Y/N? Why, she’s quite a lovely companion, actually. I’m still not entirely sure how she came about our quest, and this place, but here we are. I do believe she was meant to be on this journey with us, but for what reason I do not know.”
The Lady remained silent. She felt young, and small, and unsure, as if she weren’t thousands of years old. You had unearthed an old and surprising feeling that not even her husband, her best friend of many centuries, had brought up in years.
Butterflies.
She cleared her throat, heat rising in her cheeks, yet she remained vigilant.
“My lady?”
“Will you bring her to me? I would like to get acquainted with her myself. Her circumstances seem odd and I wish to discuss them, learn more of her,” she drawled, eyes kept on the horizon.
“Of course, Lady Galadriel.”
“No others, please, my friend. I do not wish to be judged by some lowly Dwarves who think I am a witch. And do not tell her it is me she is seeing. I do not want to frighten her.”
“It takes a lot to frighten her, my lady, trust me,” Gandalf chuckled. “But I will do as you say. Hopefully you can make more sense of the girl than I can. I may be wise, but I am old and confused with the things she tells me.”
Galadriel’s face pulled into a smile and she breathed a little deeper.
“Thank you, Mithrandir.”
-
A/N: hi, yes, welcome to me: procrastinator extraordinaire. I will post my scheduled fics soon! This was just to get myself back into the game because real life is hell, wouldn't you say? Bear with me, friends. Also, vote, if you’re American :3 I’m not, but I still think it’s important. Stay tuned for pt 2, lovelies <3
#i will get to my regularly scheduled programming right after this#i promise#this is just to ease back into fiction land from the hell that is real life :3#galadriel#galadriel x you#galadriel x reader#galadriel/you#galadriel/reader#cate blanchett#lotr#lord of the rings#the hobbit#hot elves#artanis#the silmarillion#can never get enough of CB#don't judge me :3#merry writes
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-I Only Need You- Draco Malfoy x Female Reader
A/N: My male reader flopped harder then my life, so imma stick to female lmao.
Summary: It’s a regular trip to Hogsmeade when Draco comes across a girl he has never met before.
Warning: Soft Draco and shitty friends, also a bit of cursing.
House: Gryffindor
♡~🐍~♡
“Hurry up Y/n!” shouted Hermione from outside your door. You chuckle quietly and you pull your black knitted cardigan over your white turtleneck. You stare at your outfit one last time, hoping it would keep you warm enough against the harsh cold outside. “I’m coming out, hold your horses” you replied back with a soft laugh. Hermione was always so punctual.
You grab the handle of your door and twist it, pulling it open. You were greeted with the sight of Hermione crossing her arms as well as Harry and Ron standing a few feet behind her “Ready?” she asked and you nodded in reply. She smiles and turns to walk out the common room with the rest of the group.
“Any minute more and i think she would of gone mental” Ron commented, making both you and Harry laugh. “You know how she is with our Hogsmeade trips” you shrug as you talk “Yeah because she loves Butterbeer” “You are right about that Ronald”
♡~🐍~♡
“so what do you guys want to do first?” You asked, rubbing your hands together to create some warmth. The snow fell around you, as much as it was freezing you couldn’t deny that fact that it was beautiful. The snow laying on the ground like a thick white blanket was a sight to see. “We could go to Honeydukes and get some candy?” Ron suggested.
Hermione rolled her eyes in annoyance “We always go to Honeydukes. I think we should go to The Three Broomsticks and get-” “Butterbeer” you three said in unison. Hermione’s face heated up in embarrassment as the rest of you laughed. “Shut it!” she huffed and crossed her arms. You put a hand on her shoulder “Lets go get some Butterbeer” she had a pout on her face, but nodded nonetheless.
♡~🐍~♡
As all of you walked into The Three Broomsticks, you looked around for a empty table. As you all made your way over Hermione was giggling with excitement. You smiled at her child like behaviour for a drink. You all sat down. You and Hermione sat next to each other as Ron and Harry sat across from you too. A waiter came over and Hermione spoke up “Can we have four Butterbeers please” the waiter nodded and left.
“Hermione calm down, your shaking in your seat” Ron laughed. You smiled lightly as Hermione huffs like last time and looks away. After a couple minutes the waiter came out holding a silver tray with there drinks. They placed each drink in front of them and smiled “Enjoy” they said politely and left. Hermione instantly started to drink hers “It’s still so good” she hummed.
You smiled and took a sip of your butterbeer. She was right, it was still a good drink. As you all chatted away and drank Butterbeer you notice Harry stare out the window for a moment before turning to ron and Hermione “Padfoot” he says. You stare at him with a confused expression. Hermione and ron nods and stand up, as well as Harry “we’ll be back in a bit” Hermione said, gazing at you.
You go to stand up as well, but Harry shakes his head “Alone, you stay here” he says “What why?” you question. “Just stay here Y/n. okay?” Harry said in a rather harsh tone. Y/n’s smiles sadly and nods “Yeah sure” and soon enough they left.
They always left you out of things. They went on the adventures and always left you behind. They were the golden trio and you were just a side character in there big story. You sigh and take another sip of your Butterbeer. You questioned if you were really there friend sometimes, like you were now. You looked up from your drink to gaze around the room when your eyes make contact with cold grey ones.
You tensed up slightly as the eyes bore into yours like they were studying your soul and everything about it. You tear your eyes away soon after. Draco Malfoy. Why was he staring at you? Why did you stare back? You shake away your thoughts as you finish the rest of your Butterbeer.
“Is this seat taken?” you heard a low voice speak, looking up you see the blond Slytherin staring down at you. You feel small under his gaze, he was indeed intimidating “Um no, not anymore.” he takes a seat across from you where Ron sat and shuffled a bit “I couldn’t help but hear your conversation with Potter” he started. You raise a brow Had he been watching you? “i just wanted to say sorry” he says, a genuine smile gracing his lips. You blink a couple times in shock.
“Oh, its quite alright. I’m used to it” You replied, being casted out by your own friends had become a normal thing you no longer questioned. “How come i’ve never seen you before?” he asked. You shrug your shoulders “If your not part of the golden trio and going on dangerous adventures, you fade into the background at Hogwarts” bitterness laced your tone, which Draco could definitely hear. “That i agree with. Why don’t they ever take you with them?”
“I wish i knew as well. Maybe because i’m not like them?” You replied, not really sure of your own answer “What do you mean by that?” he asked, genuinely interested “I’m not smart like Hermione, i’m not brave like Harry, i’m not. I don’t know what Ron is actually” “Annoying?” Draco suggested, making you laugh slightly. He wasn’t totally wrong. Draco smiles as he hears your sweet laugh.
“I think you should ditch them.” Draco suggested making you shuffle in your seat “I don’t know, i don’t want them to be angry with me” she frowns slightly. Draco reached over to grab your hand with his. You feel the cold metal of his rings on the skin of your hand. He rubs his thumb in circles on your hand in a soothing manner “You don’t deserve to be treated like that..i just realized i never asked for your name. How rude of me” Draco chuckles.
You smile and shake your head “No its fine, Im Y/n” he smiles as you say your name “That’s a beautiful name” he says as his hand continues to hold yours “This is gonna sound strange, but do you want to go for a walk around Hogsmeade with me?” he asked, he looked slightly worried. Fearing rejection. You nod slowly “I’d like that very much”
♡~🐍~♡
It had been months since that Hogsmeade trip. You and Draco continued to hang out, growing closer and closer. It was inevitable for you two to grow feelings for each other. You unfortunately had not listened to Draco when he said to drop the golden trio, you were to nice for that even if they had been ignoring you for two weeks now. Currently you were walking around with Draco, taking a stroll out the outskirts of the forbidden forest was something you two did often.
“Y/n!” you both heard from behind you. You turn around to see your ‘friends’ looking at you with a smile “Hey Y/n, we were wondering if you wanted to hang out?” Hermione asked, her eyes landed on Draco and she scowled “What’re doing with him” Draco rolled his eyes “We were having a nice stroll till you three came along” he snapped back. You put a hand on his arm. He visibly calmed at your touch.
“You shouldn’t be around him Y/n he’s a dirty Slytherin. We’re your friends come on” Harry scoffed. You looked at them in disbelief “Friends?! You only hang out with me when it’s convenient for you! You leave me in the dust to go on adventures or some shit! Oh, but please tell me how i’m your friend?!” you shouted at them. The trio looked hurt at your words “We are your friends Y/n! There’s just some things we have to do alone” Hermione exclaimed back.
“Oh cut the bullshit. If i really meant anything to any of you you would have told me a long time ago. I’m done with you three” You turned your back and began to walk anyway, wiping harshly at the tears that came down your face. “Y/n!” Draco shouts as he runs in front of you. He grabs your face, tilting it up to look at him “Hey, don’t cry” he cooed and and wiped a few stray tears with his thumb.
“I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself” He smiles, you give him a quick smile and put your hands over his. “I really couldn’t have done it without you, Draco” You reply, making his face flush lightly. Your eyes gaze around his face, surprised to find yourself leaning in. Draco does the same. You close your eyes as his lips land on yours. He was soft yet forceful with the way he kissed you.
Draco’s hands let go of your face and travel down your back, pulling you flush against his chest. You gasp in surprise and your hands land on his chest. He pulls away, leaving you breathless from his kiss “Wow” he muttered making you laugh “Yeah wow” you repeated. “I’m sorry about your friends Y/n” he says in a saddened tone. “It’s okay, want to know why?” “Why?” he asked.
“Because, I only need you”
♡~🐍~♡
A/N: That ending was kinda trash ngl. Anyway, make sure to check out my profile to request something for a Draco x reader
#draco malfoy x you#draco malfoy x y/n#draco malfoy x reader#draco x reader#draco x you#draco malfoy#harry potter#hermione granger#ron weasley#potterhead#fanfiction#fanfic#x fem!reader#x female reader#slytherin#gryffindor
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Letting Go
Rating: M
Warnings: Major character death. Angst. Mentions of sex. Angst. Accidents. Did I mention angst?
Summary:
Cardan thought he and his family were meant to live happily ever after.
He was wrong.
Extra comments: I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me.
Extra comments 2: If you’re masochist as me and wish to read this listening to some music, I’ll leave my spotify playlist “Don’t touch me, I’m angsty”
Thank you to the incredible @sweetlyvillainous for holding my hand while I cried because of this, for betaing later and for giving the extra boost to the angst. YES YOU DID, AND YOU’RE AS GUILTY AS ME. I love u.
Masterlist • AO3
As dawn went on, Cardan looked through the window with hooded eyes. It snowed outside. How typical, he thought.
Not long ago he would’ve been excited about it. The perspective of spending the day building snow castles and angels. Never a snowman, since his daughter had always claimed that was too cliché. He would mock her for it and build tiny figures around her castle. ‘The invasion of the fae snowmen’ he’d called it, despite the insistence of his wife about that being pure nonsense.
He laid on his bed, staring at nothing in particular. From that position he would normally be able to look at her, snoring softly in the opposite pillow. That used to be his favorite moment of the day. Few minutes that he could spend watching how she slept, calm and unbothered. At least until he couldn’t help it anymore and woke her up, trailing her neck with soft and playful kisses.
Cold sheets coiled around him now. A reminder of the empty space next to him that haunted Cardan at the beginning and end of each day. Screaming into the silence she’s gone.
The morning it happened, Ivy wanted pancakes an old store sold a couple of blocks away. Cardan was reluctant to get up. All groggy because he and Jude had spent the night before rolling on the sheets, barely moaning in each other’s mouths trying not to wake their 7 year old. He didn’t want to get up. But his daughter was as stubborn as his wife. So Jude gave him a long sweet kiss and told him to go back to sleep while she fetched breakfast.
He did.
He shouldn’t have.
He should’ve gone with her. He should’ve gone instead. Or better yet, he should’ve convinced her to stay and make the bloody pancakes himself. Anything.
Anything except letting Jude go out alone. She was supposed to be back in a matter of minutes, but she didn’t. And he didn’t notice it because he fell asleep again.
He missed the first phone call. And the second.
It wasn’t until a tiny hand woke him up and handed him the cellphone. Frowning with dizziness at Jude’s two missed calls he was about to dial back when it rang again.
“Hey babe, sorry. What’s up?” He mumbled, ruffling Ivy’s hair.
The voice that answered was not Jude’s, instantly startling him awake.
“Yes, he’s speaking.” Loud voices and sirens muffled the voice, making it hard to hear. “I’m- I’m sorry I’m not understanding, where is my wife? Give her the phone so I can speak to her plea-”
He didn’t record the moment when he put on the first clothes he found, nor calling his old college friends that lived two doors away to come and watch little Ivy.
He didn’t watch for the red lights or cared if he’d parked the right way in the hospital’s parking lot. The world seemed to spiral around him, an unending parade of walls, doors, people in white or blue suits. Voices filled him with details but he could only partially hear them. Something about a kid crossing the street unsupervised and Jude running after him. His heartbeat roared in his ears.
“We’re glad we could reach you Mr. Greenbriar. It’s always better when the patient doesn’t have to go through it alone.”
“Through it? What are you-”
“I’m really sorry. The internal damage is too much...”
The doctor’s voice faded away as they entered the room. Fighting to bite back a sob he approached the resting figure on the bed. She looked like his wife, but something was deeply wrong. Her face was awfully pale and her lips dry and bruised. Wires rested along her body. The monitor connected to them matched the aching slowness in her breathing. There was no trace of the playful Jude that teased him mercilessly day after day, stealing kisses from his mouth and knowing he’d let her do whatever she wanted to him.
He found himself still standing centimeters away from her, paralyzed.
The doctor leaned to touch her shoulder and whispered something to her ear. Her eyelids fluttered a moment before opening, not with the fierceness they carried everyday but tired, wandering.
Pulling out of his frozen state he reached for her hand, covered in bandages and stroke it softly. “Jude.”
Her eyes found him and a weak smile curved her lips. “You made it.” She said with a raspy voice. He kneeled, fully taking her hand in his. The door knob clicked as they were left alone.
“Of course I did.” He choked out, trying to match her smile. It felt as if a thin string was keeping him together. “I’m here to take you home.”
Jude looked at him the way she did every time he promised to bring the stars down for her. She squeezed his hand with a nonexistent force that physically hurt in his chest. “You were always a terrible liar.”
Cardan opened his mouth to joke back but wasn’t able to make more than a suffocated sound. That’s when the first tear rolled down his cheek. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, opening them as he felt her thumb wiping away the wetness under them. “It’s ok.”
The string snapped.
“No, it’s not Jude, gods I’m- I’m...” He sobbed, incapable of stopping himself anymore. “I’m so sorry, it was all my fault. If I’d gone with you, If I’d…”
“Hey, no. It’s ok.” She cooed, holding him as he buried his face in her neck apologizing over and over. “Cardan, this was not your fault. Please.”
He let her hold him as his body trembled with broken weeps. Cardan shut his eyes close, hoping he would open them and be back home. Not here. Not in this nightmare. They had so much to do, so much to live. He was meant to be with her through everything. He was meant to protect her. And he had neglected everything for five more sleeping minutes instead. If Ivy hadn’t woken him up… If he’d missed another phone call…
If he’d answered the first damn time he might have had more time. There was an ache in his chest making it harder to breathe, to think.
They laid together for several minutes, hearing nothing more than their breathings and the beeping machine.
“Stay, my love.” He begged, the knot in his throat making it harder to speak. “Fight. I can’t do it without you, I’m not strong enough. I need you, we need you… Ivy...”
Something wet landed on his cheek. Only then he realized she’d started crying too. “You’ll take care of her. You can, you’re the strongest man I’ve ever known.”
He felt her breathing falter and he backed up a little, afraid he’d harm her but Jude didn’t let him go. “I love you. I always have, even when you used to make my life a living hell all those years ago. I love you and our daughter so much.” She said. Cardan sobbed again. Don’t, he wanted to answer, don’t say goodbye. Not yet. “And know that even when you can’t see me, I will be with you always.”
“I know,” He whispered back, now wiping her tears away and leaning to kiss her. “I love you, Jude Duarte. You are the best gift life could give me. You saw the best in me when nobody else could and for that and everything else, I’ll be eternally grateful. I’ll... watch out for Ivy, and she will know her mom is a hero, I promise.”
She breathed a laugh and asked him to hold her again. He did, he clung to her as tightly as he could without hurting her, breathing ‘I love you’ on her hair until her hand lost strength around him.
Until the monitor gave out one long final beep and took his heart with it.
He’d kept his vow. He’d continued with his life, dedicating every second of it to take care of their little girl. To make sure she was happy and wasn’t that affected from her mother’s passing.
Ivy was strong, and most of the time more mature than her age suggested. She tried to carry on as well. Even if sometimes Cardan caught her staring longingly at that spot on the living room where Jude used to sit and read his old books.
But even now, months later, it was hard for him to get up from bed sometimes. To wake up from a bad dream only to realize it was real, he was alone. Jude wasn’t coming back.
Some nights nightmares got worse, not because his mind created new scenarios. Quite the opposite, it revived his worst memory.
Hands touched his shoulders, probably seeking to comfort him. But he barely felt them. He barely heard the nurses enter the room after Jude’s pulse stopped.
He was aware of the uncontrollable way his chest shook between sobs. Pleading her to stay, to open her eyes just one minute more.
Of how he clutched her hand as if it would squeeze life back into her. He felt the softness of her hair as he caressed it, clinging to her the moment the doctors tried to pull him away. The nurse started to remove the wires.
He dreamed of his throat tearing apart as he roared them to let go of his wife. Later begging to allow him to hug her for a moment more. Just a second. Just a lifetime. Please.
Just a moment.
Cardan always woke between gasps those nights. Sometimes leading him to stay awake until morning, afraid to fall asleep again.
It was on days like that that he closed his eyes and let time rewind.
He returned to the year before, to the mornings when they decided who prepared breakfast with rock, paper, scissors games.
To years before that, when still half asleep he reached for her and curled his arms around Jude’s swollen belly. Barely weeks away from welcoming their baby.
To the day when he’d held his girlfriend in his arms and waited for her to open her eyes to finally ask her to marry him.
He knew he shouldn’t. In fact he was sure Jude would beat his ass for doing it. But sometimes he just wanted to feel her close only for a couple of minutes more. Some days he refused to accept she was not there anymore.
A loud crash startled him, bringing Cardan back from his daydreaming. He sat up to look at the clock and frowned. It was still early for Ivy to be awake.
He got up and walked to the kitchen, only to find the floor covered in white flour and his daughter on the opposite side with the face of someone that just got caught with a hand in the jar of cookies.
“Ivy, what are you doing?” He asked. Gods, there was a mess. His mental energy didn’t want to deal with it at the moment.
“I...” She darted her gaze to the right, the same thing Jude did whenever Cardan found her doing something she wasn’t supposed to.
He crossed the space, to crouch next to her and started picking things up with an exasperated sigh.
She let out a breath in defeat and murmured. “I was trying to make the muffins.”
“The muffins?”
“The muffins mom cooked for us every Christmas.” Ivy said as if he’d missed the most obvious thing.
Fuck. He looked at the calendar hanging on the wall behind him. December 24th. Fuck, fuck. How had he overlooked the date? They’d received an invitation to celebrate Christmas with their friends and another one from Jude’s family. He had intended to answer back.
“Oh honey…you needn’t.” Cardan turned back to her and took her little hand between his.
“I know. But I wanted to cheer you up.” Ivy’s voice was low. “You’re sad all the time, dad… I thought... maybe mommy’s muffins would help.”
A pang of guilt stung in his chest. Fuck, he tried so hard to keep his emotions at bay around her. Washing his face with frozen water hoping it would take away the redness around his eyes. He swallowed the lump in his throat and opened his mouth but no words came out so he just pulled his child into a tight hug.
“I’m so sorry, I-”
“Don’t be,” She interrupted him, clinging to his neck. “I miss her too.”
Blinking back the tears, he pulled back to cup her cheeks. “There is nothing that cheers me up more than you, sweetie. You know that right?”
Ivy’s chocolate eyes shimmered as she nodded.
Cardan took a deep breath and pulled her up so she was sitting on top of the counter. “Now, you know I suck at cooking those infamous muffins,” He grimaced. Ivy chuckled and bit her lip, totally not denying his statement. “So how about if instead of those, I prepare you my ultra special pancakes?”
Her gaze widened. “With whipped cream and fruit??”
He nodded. The excited squeal of his daughter warmed his heart in that unique way only she could achieve.
With Ivy’s help, the pancakes were made in little time. Even if all she did was jump around the kitchen singing Christmas carols.
Just as he was about to serve the table, she stopped him. “Dad, can we go eat breakfast with mommy?”
Cardan paused, not sure if he’d listened correctly. “With mommy?”
“Yeah, you know, like those days when we went out on picnics.” She said. Excitement floored from every single one of her pores. “She loved Christmas, I’m sure she’ll be glad to see us too!”
He wanted to say no, not knowing if he would make it. It’s too soon, the words hug there in the tip of his tongue. But looking at Ivy and her puppy eyes, he couldn’t.
~
Covered in scarves and warm coats they arrived at the cemetery. It was a beautiful place, if he was honest. Tall trees and some flowers grew along, giving it the appearance of a valley despite the cold weather. It looked so peaceful. Even if snow covered some parts of it.
Cardan carried a bag filled with the food and a blanket to use as tablecloth. Ivy played with the snow as they walked, and gasped at the sight of her mother’s tombstone. Letting go of Cardan’s hand, she ran towards it. A big smile shining on her face.
He stopped meters away from it, unsure of his decision. His heart hammered on his chest and he could see the steam formed by his shaky breathing.
Ivy turned and motioned him to come closer.
As he approached, he heard the cheerful chatter of his daughter, making him frown.
“...so I tried to be as quiet as possible, but then the flour fell!” She laughed and darted her gaze to him again. “That’s why daddy caught me, right dad?”
Cardan hesitated. “Uh, yeah… that’s when I found you covered in powder.”
He peered at the marble figure, intentionally avoiding the picture under the letters forming her name.
After setting the food they ate. Ivy barely chewed her food between words, since she was deeply invested in whatever conversation she was having with her mother. Cardan just listened. She spoke about her school, her exams with almost perfect grades. About aunt Liliver announcing she and uncle Van were expecting a baby, a thing Ivy wasn’t so sure to like since that would probably remove her from ‘the favorite’ position. She talked about the blanket forts Cardan taught her to build and the new books he’d read to her. Occasionally, she would laugh as if she’d listened to something incredibly funny.
They built a snow castle with the few snow that was gathered around, at least before Ivy accidentally threw a snowball to his chest. The snowball war that unleashed after had them growling and squealing for several minutes. It ended up with both of them lying down on the blanket, tired and giggling.
He sat up to ruffle her hair and sighed. “It’s time to go, little one.”
Ivy whined. “So soon?”
“We can return some other day…” That lit her face back up. “But your aunt Lil invited us to a party today. Do you want to go?”
She yelped. “With Christmas gifts?”
“Yeah.” Cardan winked.
Once everything was back in the bag Cardan started walking, but a tug on his sleeve stopped him.
“Aren’t you going to say goodbye to mommy?”
He didn’t answer.
“C’mon dad, go. I’ll wait for you over there.” She signaled a big space where rocks made an odd figure. That said, she was gone.
Haltingly, Cardan turned back to face the tombstone.
Air seemed to have flown out of his lungs. What was he supposed to say? He looked down and shuffled his foot in the snow. His grip tightened around the bag’s handle.
He used to spend the nights thinking of all the things he would’ve liked to say to her. But as it was, all of them apparently had vanished into the air. Should he say he loved her? That everything was okay?
“I hate you.” Was what came out. Cardan scoffed and swallowed. That was definitely not what he was thinking. “That is a lie. But I guess you already know it, don’t you?”
“Sometimes I wish I could hate you though... Maybe it would make it easier. Because sure as hell it’s not.” His voice was hoarse. “I’m trying. I promised you I would but… I miss you all the fucking time, Jude. I can’t go to bed at night without thinking you’re not there by my side anymore.”
He paused and rubbed his eyes. Cardan flashed quick glances to Ivy, trying to find the strength. But once he faced Jude’s picture again, the pressure on his chest was nearly unbearable.
“Everyday something happens that I would like to tell you. When Ivy or any of our friends do something I find hilarious I turn to make sure you saw it too just to find an empty space and I… I hate it.”
“I hate not being able to hug you, I hate not feeling your hands playing with my hair in the morning. I hate not being able to tell you everyday how much I still love you. I hate that Ivy notices how much I struggle with it. I hate not being as strong as you were.”
He spilled the words so fast they were probably intelligible, but he didn’t care anymore.
“Ivy… she’s an amazing little girl, you know? Everyday she does something new that is clever, or brave… and she reminds me so much of you.” A sob broke through him. He turned to look at her, auburn curls bouncing everywhere. Taking a steadying breath he brought back his gaze to the tomb.
“I just hope she’s not as good with lies or I will be totally screwed.” He let out a low chuckle. “You should be proud of her.”
Before he could say something else something warm spread down his shoulders to his arms and chest. If he was drunk he would say it resembled the feeling of a hug. The pressure on his chest slowly disappeared as tears rolled down his cheeks.
Not knowing exactly how or why, a weight on his shoulders he hadn’t realized he had, was gone from a moment to another.
“I love you, Jude Duarte.” He breathed. “You will have my heart always, and when this life ends I’ll find you again to give it to you once more.”
Giving a final look to the picture he’d been avoiding since they arrived, he gave a weak smile, wiped the tears away and turned to go find his daughter.
“Goodbye, my sweet villain.”
A Christmas party with his family (because that’s how he considered his friends), awaited. He found Ivy marching on top of the rocks, claiming it was a conquered fae castle and she, the new Queen. He chuckled and motioned her to return.
As they walked back to the car, she grabbed his hand and gave him a knowing look. Even when you can’t see me, I will be with you always.
The next morning when he opened his eyes the empty spot was still there. But for the first time in months, he welcomed the memories of his Jude with a longing smile.
----------------------------
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Day 8: Moceit
@tsshipmonth2020
Day 8 - The temperature of your chest gets hotter when you are closer to your soulmate and colder when you move further away.
Content warnings (oh boy): This is an afterlife fic! Meaning there is technically character death, but it is essentially the beginning of a whole new life, and the death itself is only briefly touched upon. That being said, warnings for; hypothermia/frostbite, death, car accident, talk of past death, mention of cancer, brief description of body horror (no gore).
Word count: 2.8k
It started when Janus was two. His parents were awoken by his feral cries, throwing open the door to his room, imagining the worst. They recoiled immediately upon touching him, his skin almost freezing to the touch. They closed the bedroom window and piled him in more layers until he stopped wailing, but that was only the start.
When he was six, his mother explained soulmates to him. He looked at her with huge eyes, fiddling with the sleeves of his oversized hoodie, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders.
When he was ten, he had grown sick and tired of the constant cold. A majority of his classmates and friends hadn’t met their soulmates yet, but they all didn’t seem as bothered by it as he was. They didn’t keep their winter jackets on in class, no matter the season, and their hands were never too cold to hold a pencil.
When he was thirteen, he caught hypothermia. At the insistence of his older brother, he joined him outside in the snow for a hike in the forest. His countless layers and heat pads in his pockets only did so much when they got hopelessly lost in the woods, and while his brother seemed to be unaffected by the cold, Janus woke up the next day in the hospital. He could vaguely remember falling face first into the snow, his cold slowly morphing into pleasant warmth, his brother shouting his name. The doctors were unable to save his left eye, leaving him half blind, and his frostbite scars never quite disappeared. They said the very fact that he survived was some kind of miracle. He didn’t go into the snow after that.
When he was sixteen, his mother took him to a doctor. After thorough examination, the man could find nothing wrong with him. He suggested B-12 supplements and a list of ways to increase his circulation, and when that did nothing to help months later, he sat them both down in his office and explained it most likely meant Janus’ soulmate had died. Janus didn’t know until that moment that it was possible to miss someone you’ve never met, but he cried on the way home. His mom said nothing.
When he was eighteen, Janus was alone. He had become reclusive and standoffish, unwilling to spend time around any of the people who tried to befriend him. All of them had soulmates. All of them got to be happy.
When he was twenty, his family suggested group therapy for those who had lost their soulmates, and he had reluctantly gone to one session. For a moment, he felt at home, surrounded by other people in thick sweaters and jackets and gloves, until he learned that all of them had lost their soulmates after meeting them. They had been able to spend years together, enjoying each other’s company, before losing the love of their life. When he explained his situation, he was only met with the same sympathetic looks he’d received everywhere else in life, and he never went back.
When he was twenty-two, he graduated with his Bachelor’s degree in psychology. The crowd was the quietest it had been all night; no one knew this guy, but it felt wrong to not cheer at all. He shook the Dean’s hand with thick yellow gloves and took the diploma, ignoring the man’s confused raised eyebrow and walking away to the noise of half-hearted claps.
When he was twenty-five, life was okay. Not good, just okay. He’d found a lab job in the psychological social experiment aspect that paid decently and wasn’t a total bore. Most nights he was numb, especially after experiments that revolved around soulmates, so he turned on Netflix and poured a glass of wine and fell asleep on the couch, wrapped in a thick weighted blanket. Life is fine, he told himself. It could be worse.
And when Janus was twenty-seven, he died. It was an accident; a mix of a long tiring day and an ignored red light just as he was crossing the street. The car barreled through the intersection, other car horns blaring, and he looked up just in time to see the person looking down, probably on their phone. He’d never know. The impact was quick, and he didn’t even have time to feel pain before the world went dark. He was a little grateful for that.
It stayed dark for a long while after that. Well, in full honesty, he didn’t know how long it was. It felt like a long time, but it also felt extraordinarily short. The seconds turned to years and millennia became mere minutes, the very concept of time fading away just as he did. A minuscule part of him was still aware that he was conscious, and he probably should have been a little scared of that, because did that mean he was destined to float around as an unattached subconscious for eternity? A larger part of him was just relieved to finally rest, with the weight of student debt and an exhaustingly lonely life finally gone.
Until it wasn’t. The light crept into the center of his vision first and he grumbled in annoyance. Let me just enjoy it a second longer, he thought distantly, but the light didn’t listen as it slowly spread across his vision like molasses. For the first time in his life, he realized with a start, he didn’t feel cold. There was a heat in his chest that he’d never felt before, and he was scared when the darkness faded, so would the warmth.
“Janus, are you okay?” A desperate voice broke through his dark haze in whisps, slowly clearing the fog that had set in. It rambled on, “Oh, stupid question. You just died. Sorry! Can you see me?”
His vision lit up all the way, replacing the darkness but not taking away the heat. Perfect. He was about to answer no to the stranger’s question; there was just a blur of blue and white and green, until the figure loomed that much closer and came into focus. It was a man, probably his age, with bright blue eyes and floppy golden hair, his freckled nose just inches from Janus’. His eyes held concern but he was smiling like no tomorrow. The man seemed to realize when Janus could in fact see him clearly and backed away, holding out a hand to help him up. Why was he lying on the ground? Where was he?
That question was answered as soon as he took the offered hand, looking around him in shock. Apparently the dark void hadn’t held him for as long as he thought. A distant siren pierced the air, and people’s shouts rang over each other as they milled around the body in the street, his body. The car that had hit him was nowhere to be seen. It was all too surreal, too uncomfortable, and he turned back to the man standing in front of him. They were standing on the sidewalk, just meters away from the gruesome scene on the street, and Janus suddenly felt very lightheaded.
“I carried you away as soon as your soul formed. Didn’t want to overwhelm you when you opened your eyes for the first time.”
“I’m dead?”
“Yep,” The man answered just a bit too cheerfully, before noticing the newcomer’s expression and softening, “Sorry. I’ve been here for a while, the shock has kind of worn down.”
“What’s here?”
“The afterlife. Deathny World. Aliven’t. I’ve heard it all.”
“Ah,” Janus choked, trying to take in the environment around him without looking at his own dead body, or the paramedics that had just arrived on the scene. It looked like the real world, and obviously they were still in the real world to some extent since he was witnessing the aftereffects of his own death, but the subtle mist floating through the air was definitely new. It curled through the air gently, resting on every surface it could land on, coloring the world with soft rainbow hues. It was the real world, it was just as if he was seeing more of it for the first time. The parts that were invisible before. An orange tuft graced by his ear and he could just make out the sound of someone laughing, the smell of fresh bread, the taste of fresh jam on a summer morning. A smile tugged at his lips before he realized.
“Forgotten memories,” The man spoke up, as if reading his mind. “Every lost memory of every person winds up here. Mostly good ones, but some are bad. You’ll learn how to sift through them soon enough.”
Janus was finally able to pull himself away from the colorful world, staring into the bright eyes of the stranger. “Who are you?”
“I’m Patton,” he said with a new grin, scratching the back of his neck nervously, “I’m your soulmate.”
--------------------------------------
It took Janus a much longer time than he would have liked to admit to unfreeze from the revelation, Patton taking his hand gently and sinking them out to a new location. His stomach churned upon rising up, the new sensation making him nauseous. He didn’t recognize where they were, some cafe, and Patton gently pushed him into a seat before strolling up to the counter with no hesitation, starting a conversation with the barista and gesturing to Janus. The mist, the lost memories, were gone, replaced with a golden haze that gave the world a soft glow. The air was thick with the smell of coffee beans and cookies that instantly calmed Janus’ stomach. When Patton finally walked back to him, two mugs in hand, he explained.
“This is the soul world. We can pop in from the real world to this one whenever we want. Some souls choose to stay on one side predominantly, some switch back and forth a lot.”
“This single cafe is the soul world?”
“Oh! No, my bad! There’s a whole lot more outside. I’ll have to show you later. Right now, though, just relax. You’ve had a… long day, to say the least.” He pushed one of the cups into Janus’ grasp.
“What is it?” He asked skeptically. It looked like coffee, but who’s to say anything anymore.
“Whatever you want it to be. Think of your favorite drink, then try it.”
Janus narrowed his eyes but lifted the mug to his lifts, trying to think of a single drink he liked. His mind decided that this was the ideal moment to forget everything he ever drank in his entire short life, so when he finally took a sip, the liquid was disgustingly tasteless. Like warm water. He set the drink down, watching Patton intensely.
Janus took in his appearance, his general shock finally beginning to wear off. An open light blue button up over a white shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He was pretty much Janus’ definition of cute, what with those stupidly adorable dimples and little golden locket hanging on his neck. If he’d met him when he was alive, he no doubt would have fallen head over heels for him.
“You’re my soulmate? How is that…” He cleared his throat, hoping he wasn’t blushing, “How is that possible?”
Patton hummed, wiping off what appeared to be a hot chocolate moustache, “I died when I was three. Cancer.”
“That’s awful.”
Patton shrugged, taking another sip, “It wasn’t great. I woke up by myself, still half wedged in my own corpse. It was terrifying. My parents were crying, and I tried to tell them I was there, somehow, but they couldn’t see me.”
“Totally not traumatic at all.”
The man actually laughed, despite the dark story, “I had to figure everything out for myself. Sinking down, navigating both worlds, how to control my own form… which you are doing surprisingly well at, by the way.”
Janus glanced down at himself. He definitely wasn’t alive, that much was sure, if the wisps of yellow smoke cascading down him were any indication. If he concentrated hard enough, the fog began to disappear, leaving him looking normal, albeit a bit paler. As soon as his mind drifted, however, the golden trails were back.
“This was the first place I was able to rise up in in this world. It’s kind of an easy access point. I popped up behind the counter, scared the living daylights out of Virgil.” He pointed to the barista who was currently chatting with another person ghost, laughing over identical mugs with them. “He’s been here a while. Two hundred years, give or take.”
Janus paled, the idea of eternity becoming just that much more real. “Oh…”
“Yeah. He kind of raised me. And then when I was old enough to understand, he explained that I’d left a soulmate behind. I cried for hours after that.” He smiled sadly, finally meeting Janus’ eyes.
“You knew my name,” The younger recalled suddenly, sitting up a little straighter, “Right when I was waking up, you said my name.”
Patton looked almost sheepish, focusing back on the cup between his hands, “After Virgil told me… I kind of made it my personal mission to find my soulmate. I spent a lot of time in the real world, years, trying to find you, and of course checking in on my parents sometimes. Ghosts don’t need sleep, we can sleep, if we want, but we don’t need to, so it was a constant search. And then, my parents both ended up in the hospital, long story, and I wanted to be there when they woke up. Make their transition into the new world a little easier than mine was,” His expression lit up, wiggling a little in his seat, “And while I was there, I stumbled across a certain young patient with severe frostbite and hypothermia.”
“Me.”
“Mmhm. And I felt this weird warmth in my chest, which is weird, because ghosts don’t really feel temperature. It didn’t last that long, just a couple seconds, really, but it was enough time to know.”
“The soulbond.”
“Yep.”
They both drank in unison. This time, Janus’ drink tasted like the unsweetened chamomile tea from the hospital. He made a sour face and put the cup back down. He stared into his reflection for a moment, almost captivated in the sloshing against the sides of the mug, before Patton spoke again.
“I spent most of my time in the alive-world after that. With you. And it sucked, because there was nothing I wanted more than to talk to you and hug you and just let you know I existed… you were so sad…”
“Yeah…” Janus mumbled, tapping the ridge of his cup with his fingernail. “Is that why you were at the accident?”
“I tried to stop it,” Patton whispered, a look of pure guilt crossing his face, “I couldn’t tug you back though, and you didn’t hear me. So the least I could do was pull you out when you formed and take you away from the crowd.”
The odd language was starting to confuse Janus, the weird differentiation between his soul and his body, the terminology regarding the soul world he didn’t understand… it was all just a lot.
“So… Do we age? You’re obviously not three anymore. But the barista doesn’t look two hundred.”
“Virgil. And… I don’t know.”
“Very comforting.”
“You’re sassy.”
“That I am.”
For the first time in a very long time, Janus’ lips twitched into a smile in response to the absolute beam on Patton’s face. No one had ever taken his snark as anything other than bitchiness, but this guy, his soulmate, seemed to love it.
“As far as I know, we won’t. I think I only aged along with you, and now that you’re here, we’re probably done.” He had finished his drink, the barista swooping in out of nowhere and plucking it from his grasp with an impish grin. Patton shouted his thanks as Virgil disappeared into the back room. “He’s been waiting to meet you for a long time. But he can be a handful, so we’ll save proper introductions until you’re settled. Speaking of which…” He stood up, smoothing out his shirt and offering his hand to Janus once more. “I can show you where residency is, if you’d like. It might be nice to take a nap, just to process.”
Janus considered. The vague sounding ‘residency’ was intriguing, but he was much too restless to sleep right now. He voiced as much. “Maybe later. Do you think you could show me around first?”
The grin Patton gave him was bright enough to power a city block. Janus took the extended hand and the man squealed, pulling him towards the door excitedly. Yeah. He was definitely already falling for the literal ball of sunshine that was his soulmate.
“One grand tour of the afterlife, coming up!”
#lywrites#tsshipmonth2020#janus sanders#patton sanders#virgil sanders#sanders sides#sanders sides fanfiction#ts afterlife au#moceit#ts soulmate au#sanderssides#soulmate september#soulmateseptember
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I was feeling anxious about the election and thus decided to polish up an older, previously unposted fluff fic of mine. There’s a second, angstier part to it, which I’ll post later, but for now, I hope that the fluff can help calm some of your anxiety the way it helped calm mine. I call this piece falling (from cloud nine and back). Happy reading!
It all started out so innocently.
Emma had just moved in. It was Regina's idea to rent out one of the many rooms in her mansion to the saviour, so Henry could have a stable home environment. Emma agreed pretty quickly, tired of the tiny loft Snow lived in. She insisted upon paying rent, although Regina had made clear several times that she didn't need the money anyway.
"You aren't so snobby that you decline cash when it's offered to you, just take it."
They sat at the breakfast table one morning, Emma trying desperately to keep her eyes open as she shoved spoons of cereal into her mouth, Regina herself already on the verge of leaving for work, shouting for Henry to hurry with his packing.
"I don't understand how you can be so awake when it's barely... what time?" Emma mumbled, her mouth full of cheerios (Regina had no idea where they came from, Emma must have somehow managed to sneak them in), and when one of her long blonde strands of hair fell out of the sloppy bun on the top of her head, Regina moved forward to stroke it back behind her ear.
The action was automatic, her mind probably so focused on Henry that it was maternal instinct.
However, the second her finger touched Emma's cheek, the saviour drew a sharp breath and looked at Regina, suddenly wide awake.
The expression in those green eyes unreadable, Regina recoiled immediately, fearing to have crossed a line. She cursed herself for acting unconsciously, and with Emma of all people – Emma who'd been wary of physical contact ever since Regina had known her. Before she could rush to apologize however, a smile spread on Emma's face, warm and bright and making the words get stuck in Regina's throat. Feeling inexplicably uncertain, she returned the smile and then rushed to work.
That evening, she came home late, and Emma had already gone to sleep. In the fridge she found leftover takeaway from Granny's though, and a note: "Hope you enjoy the kale salad and goodnight. X, Emma".
It all started out so innocently.
Things only escalated later.
The coming weeks were busy ones, Regina spending the large part of her days at the office, Emma only dropping by at lunch time to make sure she took a break. They made light conversation while eating, Emma occasionally reaching over to cover Regina's hand with her own, a simple gesture that made the brunette feel calmer instantly. She didn't read anything into the touches; Emma and she were growing closer as friends and co-parents, nothing strange with that.
Sometimes, she would find herself wanting to comfort Emma in return, so whenever the blonde ranted about the latest petty crime that left her with loads of paperwork and nothing gained, she reached out to pat the her shoulder or arm, as if saying "I understand you. People are stupid sometimes."
She started cupping Emma's cheek in the mornings, gently stroking her thumb over her cheekbones, instead of just saying goodbye. Emma would lean into the caresses, a content smile on her face rather than the frown she’d used to reserve for early rises before.
Then came the hugs.
One evening, when Regina returned from a particularly exhausting day at work, Emma embraced her the second she had stepped through the door. "You work too hard," she whispered and Regina allowed herself to get lost in the warm strong arms of the saviour for a while, before Henry interrupted them to ask what's for dinner.
Later that night, Emma pulled Regina closer on the couch while watching TV and gave her a massage. Luckily Henry was in his room to catch up on some homework because the moans Emma drew from Regina would have been rated mature for sure.
It took some time for them to take the next step after that. The cuddle sessions became more frequent and Regina more often than not found herself sitting in her office and counting down the hours till she could embrace Emma Swan again. Lunch visits had long since become a daily occurrence and they would spend it sitting on opposite sides of Regina's desk, their knees bumping together constantly. Then the afternoon would be dedicated to waiting for the evening, and the evening would consist of cuddle sessions on the couch.
Henry had gotten used to his affectionate mums, though he would sometimes shoot them pondering looks when Regina once again couldn't keep her hands from stroking through Emma's hair.
"Ma," he asked Emma one morning, not knowing that Regina was within earshot, ready to say goodbye and leave for work, "Don't you think it's unusual for you and Mum not to date?"
"Henry!" Emma exclaimed, then immediately hushed herself, and Regina had to move closer in order to make out her next words, "Your mum and I, we aren't together!"
"Except you kind of are," Henry mumbled almost inaudibly, "I mean, you live together, you spend your day together, you cuddle a lot..."
"Of course we do," Emma answered, "We're friends and share custody of you. We're close. See, your mum, she is a very strong woman, and I admire that. But she is also human and needs rest. I just want to make sure she gets that rest. She is always the one who takes care of everything, and I want to take care of her in return. She deserves that."
Regina decided to intervene then, stepping into the kitchen to find Henry and his mother clearing the table. Her heart swelled with affection for them both, and when Emma leaned in for a hug after she had kissed Henry goodbye, Regina, without further ado, pressed her lips against the blonde's cheek as well. Emma's skin was soft and warm, and she found it difficult to pull back after a second. Emma smiled blindingly at her, and Henry rolled his eyes in a manner he had picked up from both of his mums.
The next stage was introduced only days after that first kiss. It was a Friday night, and Henry was over at a friend’s, leaving Emma and Regina all by themselves to binge Disney films. (Emma loved the stuff and Regina was content with hearing her giggle hysterically whenever a character they knew in real life showed up.) They watched Snow White on Regina's request ("Just because you enjoy seeing my mum being hopelessly idiotic" – "I do not have to watch the film for that. It suffices to pay the loft a visit"), then Beauty and the Beast ("I can’t believe this is supposed to be Gold"), and barely finished Mulan, because Emma had dozed off and needed to rewind.
"We should go to bed," Regina said when the credits finally rolled, at the same time snuggling deeper into Emma's arms.
"But I don't want to let you go. You're so warm and comfy..." Emma pressed a kiss to Regina's hair and Regina, too, had to admit that she didn't really want Emma to let go of her.
"It is really late though," she tried to be The Responsible One, only to have Emma respond with an immature "I don't care," which was interrupted by a yawn.
"Emma," Regina sighed, "We cannot stay on the couch all night."
"Yes, we can. It's more comfortable than my bed anyway."
"Nothing compared to my bed though," Regina smirked and sure enough Emma perked up.
"Really? Let's sleep there then."
"Did you just invite yourself into my bed?" Regina failed to suppress a smile, and Emma grinned back: "And what if I have?"
House-intern sleepovers occurred more often than not after that, and Regina found that waking up next to Emma was something she could get used to. Although Henry eyed them suspiciously, Regina didn't think twice about the developments: How sleeping next to Emma became sleeping entwined with Emma, how kissing Emma's cheek became giving Emma pecks on her lips, how wanting Emma's touch became craving Emma's touch.
She didn't think about any of those things and it took that evening when a kiss turned into a full-grown make-out session for her to realize that something deeper than just friendship was going on between Emma and her.
---
Regina came home early that evening. Work had been less busy than usual and so, when she received the message from Emma that she had prepared a surprise for her, she managed to shut down fairly quickly.
The second she stepped through the front door, Emma ran up to her, one of Regina's aprons tied around her waist, flour in her hair.
"Regina!" she said, smiling one of the dazzling smiles that always made Regina want to kiss her. Fortunately, Emma had the same idea, quickly pulling the mayor in to press their lips together in a kiss that, as usual, lasted too short and left Regina wanting more.
"Today is Regina-feel-good day," Emma said cheerily, her hand still resting on Regina's waist, "You go take a bath, I prepare dinner."
"Today is what?" Regina asked, though she had understood the blonde very well and already felt her body go warm with affection.
"Regina-feel-good day," Emma repeated and grinned, "I figured you work so much, you should have a day where everyone appreciates what you do. Kind of like mother's day, except you're not my mother."
"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard," Regina rolled her eyes but couldn't hold back a smile. And then she leaned in for just one more kiss, before she finally took off coat and boots.
Emma watched her with a taunting smile, "And here I thought you'd be glad."
"I am glad over dinner, as long as it is not burnt..." Regina teased, loving the way Emma's eyes went wide and she sprinted back to the kitchen.
"Bath, upstairs," she called back over her shoulder and Regina shook her head, smiling, then made her way upstairs.
Emma had bought a new bubble bath, and Regina sighed contently as she let herself sink into the hot water that smelled deliciously of apples. She hadn't even realized how long it had been since she'd had a bath and now that she was in the tub, she felt she didn't want to leave it ever again. It was only when a new smell reached her nose, and Emma called for dinner, that she reluctantly pulled the plug.
She walked down the stairs in sweatpants and a loose shirt (wellness day was wellness day, after all), and was delighted to see the dinner table set professionally with several plates, sets of cutlery, and wine glasses for the three of them, even though Henry’s was filled with water.
"Voilà," Emma said, leading her to her chair. She too had changed into comfortable clothes, and there was still flour in her hair, which Regina couldn't resist reaching up to gently brush it out.
As soon as she was sat, Henry appeared with the first course - a giant salad bowl.
"I wanted to make soup first, but we kind of have stew for the main course, so I figured salad would do," Emma explained quickly, but Regina was already smiling, and she reached for Emma's hand to squeeze it slightly.
"It's perfect, thank you," she whispered and Henry and Emma exchanged a victorious grin.
The main course was indeed stew. Emma had actually got around to chop loads of vegetables, even though she had always claimed she hated chopping.
"I tried to do Ratatouille, but it ended up being more of a vegetable stew than anything," she smiled sheepishly, and Regina just had to kiss her, in front of Henry and everything.
"Not dating, huh?" the boy murmured, and still it didn't register with Regina.
No, it took until after dessert (cinnamon rolls, because Emma admitted that she would never dare make something apple-related for Regina), until after the massage Emma gave Regina while they were watching a political documentary, until after Henry had gone to bed around eleven, wishing them a good night with a wink; it took until they were in bed, Emma spooning Regina from behind like usual.
"Emma?" Regina whispered, unsure whether the blonde was still awake. She had, after all, had a long day full of kitchen work that she wasn't used to doing.
"Hmm?" came the answer though, and the sound vibrated through Regina's body like encouragement.
"Thank you for today. That was the nicest thing anyone has ever done to me," she murmured, nevertheless grateful for the darkness providing a cover that allowed her to open up.
"No problem," Emma said and pulled her closer into the embrace, "I enjoyed cosseting you, actually."
Regina wriggled a bit to turn around, now facing Emma. The saviour's face was slightly illuminated by the moonlight pouring in through the shades, and she could make out the delicate shape of her lips, her cheekbones, her forehead.
And then, before she could think twice about it, Regina closed the space between them and kissed Emma. First her collarbones, because they were closest, then up her neck to her ear, and then she covered her face in light short kisses.
Emma's eyes opened after a while, and she chuckled: "If that's how you thank me, I might turn every day into a Regina-feel-good day."
Regina barely found the time to respond "Do that" between her kisses, and suddenly the desire took over and the instincts she had held back ever since she’d first cupped Emma’s cheek kicked in. In the darkness, she found her way to Emma's mouth, the mouth she could never get enough of, the mouth she’d been seeing in her dreams. Her lips moving fervently against Emma's equally hungry ones, she finally realized that this attraction she felt to the blonde was something different than friendship entirely. The deep craving she had for Emma's touch, for her presence, the urge she felt every time she was near her, the urge to touch her, the urge to hug her and never let go, it could all have only one explanation.
She is totally and irrevocably in love with Emma Swan.
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