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thewoodbine · 3 years

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What has been your experience, if any, with new age spirituality. And what is your opinion on it? Do you think it has a strong leg to stand on?

I talked about it in my last ask/answer a little bit actually! But New Age Spiritualism is such a broad category and concept I'm going to try break it down a little bit.

The Good:

By introducing concepts like meditation, mindfulness, and compassion- it has improved the lives of many people in a way traditional religion was just unable to do.

It's overall shifted our culture for the better and opened the door for discussions we would have never been able to previously have without being labeled heretical or crazy.

Largely is responsible for Wicca and the rise of witchcraft in general. Were it not for Wicca being invented during the first rise of the hippie and New Age movement ( drawing heavily from their influence), many of us would have never had the resources now to get into other forms of witchcraft. Including myself probably.

The Meh: It's become an aesthetic to be purchased in stores by people who do not even begin to actually bother with its true teachings or get into the real work of it. Same with a lot of Witchcraft, likely due to its rebirth through the New Age Movement. Those people who tell you "you can use any ingredient for this spell at any time for any reason without any experience and it will work" those are people deeply skewed by New Age Fluffy Bunny ideals. The "witchcraft is entirely positive and nothing bad can or will ever happen it is easy and happy and totally good in every way" yeah that's them too. They're not really damaging, but its not where you are going to grow and learn the most. I have no beef with them, (they definitely have beef with me) but it's just not for me.

Wicca is almost certainly a New Age religion and it's really neither here nor there for me. It has some good and bad aspects of that, but as a whole I just kind of ignore it. It helps guide and improve the lives of a lot of people, while also being problematic for others. Unfortunately though, its founders helped to plant a lot of bad roots in the pagan community that we still grapple with and are listed below.

The Bad: (I will be referring to practitioners of this as 'Crystal Lickers'. A term my mentor taught me that refers to people who buy a ton of crystals or spiritual objects and that's about where their willingness to put effort into spirituality begin and end.)

It's been boiled down. Like in my last story, it has been adopted by people who barely grasp the concepts at all but wave them like a banner. The new age lady I mentioned last time smuged, read tarot, did yoga, got frequent reiki sessions, tried to commune with spirits, and read energies and auras and presented herself as a guru - all on a 2 month retreat in India. Many of the things she practiced require years of training and experience to really truly grasp and embrace and the New Age movement encourages people to pick them up like fun little spirit candy.

It's appropriative. Cultural appropriation is a complex subject and I won't go into it here. But essentially- if you want to do yoga, read pendulums, and hang a dream catcher in your room all at the same time that's totally fine. Just understand you didn't invent yoga, pendulums take time and practice to master, and buy that dream catcher directly from the tribal people to which made them originally. (and some might refuse you depending on their beliefs about dream catchers must be gifted to work- and you have to be ok with that too). Some stuff you can use, some you can admire from afar, and some you just leave alone. New Age doesn't get that.

It's commercialized. Much like witchcraft is becoming, spirituality has become a commodified thing for the rich to buy. And the flip side of that it has been labeled as a fad thing for rich white people, which has discouraged in some cases, minorities from engaging in the actually beneficial and totally free aspects of it. It's the idea that if you buy enough evil eyes, tote bags, and crystals and suddenly you are the real deal. These are Crystal Lickers

It doesn't demand change or work. One of the biggest things that draw people to New Age Spirituality in its many forms is the opportunity to improve their life and become happy worry-free beings of light. But what that often becomes is "How To Manifest Wealth and Romance" and looking to others with a sense of righteous pity and dispensing your unsolicited wisdom now that you have ascended thanks to that podcast you listened to once. Most of the spiritual people I know, have never actually challenged themself through their practice. They're not actually looking in the mirror and going 'how am I maybe the bad guy' 'how do I hurt people' 'what do I need to let go of for OTHER' people. True spirituality will demand you to put others first and remove yourself from ego, watered-down versions say to love yourself exactly as you are and just let those bad vibes go.

It can be toxic positivity. The best example of this I could imagine is my old coffee shop. We had this big mantra painted above the door about love and acceptance. The crystal licker owner was very adamant that this was a place of healing and growth for people to come and be their vulnerable authentic selves. She also once asked a queer kid talking about their traumatic experience with their parents with their friends in a corner to leave because 'their energies were not conducive to the space' .

It can target the vulnerable: In the great case of my most prominent Crystal Licker she actively sought out struggling and vulnerable people to present herself and her divine guidance as the answers to their woes. Talking them into doing things for her for free and taking advantage of people until they became totally dependant on her to feed her ego. This is not uncommon in the slightest among the New Age community. Basically New Age Spirituality at its worst boils down to this: Love yourself and all creatures in perfect unity, encouraging the growth and aspirations of ones authentic self through healing and community. As long as it's my healing, and you're not too annoying about it or call anyone out. There's also a bunch of stuff you have to buy in order to do it. I don't know where any of these objects or traditions come from or why you should do them but I saw it online once. Tl;dr: If your spiritual journey is easy and exclusively positive the entire time, you probably haven't even started yet.

#new age #spirituality #witchcraft #wicca #paganism #pagans of tumblr #witchy #baby witch #witch ask #tarot #love and light #fluffy bunny

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thinkingisadangerouspastime · 3 years

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warmth

Then her shoulders fell, the inky shadows deepening across her face as Katara sighed and pulled her knees into her chest. “I just—I have to know you’re okay, Aang. That’s all. It’s not a big deal.”

Aang blinked, her words sinking into his heart like a stone into quicksand. “Know I’m okay,” he repeated, “or know I’m alive?”

When Aang falls, Katara is always there to catch him. But maybe that’s part of the problem.

(Written for Day 5 of Kataang Week 2021: Healing, hosted by @kataang-week. Read here on AO3 or continue reading below.)

Aang loved Katara. Plain and simple. Under only the watchful eye of the moon—hope all is well with you, Princess Yue, Sokka is doing just fine—Aang might even be willing to admit he was in love with her. It wasn’t a secret, per se, but to love was to be vulnerable and despite the infinite lives he contained as the Avatar, Aang was still only human.

All the same, Aang had no shame in acknowledging that he liked having Katara’s attention on him, and moreover that he liked reciprocating her attention with his own on her. He liked how they were touchy-feely with each other in a way they were with no one else, liked how they would stay up together to count the stars and talk about anything and nothing, liked how they could make each other smile at even their lowest points.

But ever since Ba Sing Se…

Something had changed.

For better or for worse, Aang wasn’t quite sure. Because now, now it seemed more of Katara’s attention was on him than before. And at first, Aang thought he’d understood why. He’d died, he’d been in a coma for weeks, he’d flirted with death while Katara had been the one keeping constant vigil at his bedside. Though his outward wounds had long since healed into scars, there were lingering aches and pains below the surface that still could make him stumble.

Katara was always there to catch him when he fell.

But that was the—that was the problem, for lack of a better word on Aang’s part. Katara was healing him all but constantly, never letting him out of her sight for more than a few minutes at a time. The only exceptions had been his time at the Fire Nation school and her secret trips to Jang Hui as the Painted Lady. She’d almost burst into tears when he’d gotten the smallest of scratches across his thumb the other day, and that? That was not normal.

Whatever was going on, Aang knew he couldn’t let her face it alone any longer.

One night during their usual stargazing, lying down with their backs against the grass on the flattest ledge in their camp, Aang seized the moment.

“Is there a reason you’ve been so… protective of me lately?” he asked, trying to keep his tone as even as possible. It was like trying to approach a baby deer-cat—he didn’t want to spook her by storming into the subject.

Katara stiffened, and though she didn’t flee, Aang idly wondered if he’d underestimated how painful this conversation might be. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I don’t mean it in a bad way,” Aang tried to reassure her, turning in the grass onto his side so he could face her properly. “You’ve just seemed a little on edge the past few weeks. Talking about whatever’s on your mind might—might help.”

“Doubt that,” Katara muttered bitterly, keeping her eyes averted from Aang’s own as she picked at a blade of grass. The moonlight breaking through the tree branches to their right cast dark shadows across her face, like rivers of ink winding down her cheeks. “I prefer not thinking about it, much less talking.”

Well, at least she’d admitted something was bothering her. Aang counted that as a small victory. But her aggressive resistance did mean he would have to prod a little more to get her to open up.

“I know you’re worried about me,” Aang said after a pause. He sat up, bracing himself with his hands behind him. “I don’t know why, but I know you are.”

Katara sat up and opened her mouth, probably to argue, but Aang pushed forward, not giving her the chance to disagree. To lie, really.

“I can tell because you’ve… you’ve been healing every little scratch I get. Which is kind, but”—he pursed his lips, shaking his head—“I can’t be your priority, Katara. Not all the time. Not over healing Sokka or Toph or yourself, when someone else’s injuries are worse. Okay?”

Katara’s jaw was tight, a clear sign Aang had struck a nerve. Hopefully not one that stung too sharply, bit too deeply, because hurting Katara was the last thing he wanted to do. What he feared more than anything.

Then her shoulders fell, the inky shadows deepening across her face as she sighed and pulled her knees into her chest. “I just—I have to know you’re okay, Aang. That’s all. It’s not a big deal.”

Aang blinked, her words sinking into his heart like a stone into quicksand. “Know I’m okay,” he repeated, “or know I’m alive?”

Aang had only the faintest memories of Ba Sing Se, of waking up for but a few seconds in Katara’s arms as the most radiant, most relieved smile he’d ever seen had graced her lips. The relief hadn’t matched the exhaustion—the terror—in her eyes, though. After that, he’d… disappeared, vanished somewhere into the depths of his own mind for more days than he could count.

Katara chuckled, the sound tinged with a deep-seated weariness. “Maybe a bit of both?”

“Katara—”

She silenced him with an icy look. “Don’t. Don’t use that pitying tone with me, Aang. I know it’s an irrational fear, I don’t need you to tell me that.” Katara huffed, throwing her hands up and shaking her head. “See? This is why. This is why I don’t like thinking about it.”

Aang bit his lip. Tempted as he was to swear up and down that no, he hadn’t meant to strike such a tone, he hadn’t meant to invalidate her concerns, there was a far more important direction their conversation needed to be taken in.

“It’s clearly not irrational if you can’t shake it off,” Aang said after a pause. He hesitated, then placed a careful hand on top of hers, which had returned to resting on the grass. When she made no move to pull away, he continued. “But if you’re really worried… why don’t you explain it to me?”

That offer caught Katara’s attention, and she stared at him with a mixture of shock and confusion permeating her features. Furrowed brow, head tilted at a slight angle. “What?”

Aang shrugged. “Tell me what’s making you so anxious, and then I can confirm whether or not your fear is rational.” He suspected it would be somewhere on the perpetually sliding scale between rational and irrational, as most fears born of traumatic experiences were. He had a few of his own. No shame in admitting that.

Katara hesitated, her gaze flickering over his face from top to bottom, as if searching for any hint of doubt or suspicion or—spirits forbid—pity. But Aang knew she wouldn’t find any, and he was right.

“Okay,” she murmured, averting her eyes from his own to stare at the grass they still sat upon. “Maybe I do need to”—she shook her head—“maybe that would help. A little.”

Katara’s current discomfort was clear to Aang, and he hated seeing her like this. Shaken, weary, broken in more ways than one. But what he hated even more was to see Katara terrified, and terror was the only expression written in her eyes each time she watched him get hurt, no matter how minor the injury. So if she would talk, Aang would listen, and he would do whatever he could to reassure her.

“This war has been going on my entire life,” Katara said after a pause. “So I’m not—I’m not unfamiliar with death”—a low chuckle escaped her lips—“although not for a lack of trying on Sokka’s part.” She heaved a shuddering sigh, picking at a blade of grass with her hand that wasn’t beneath Aang’s. “But warriors died in battle. Babies didn’t always survive birth. I—I saw my own mother’s corpse when I was only eight years old, Aang, so burned up you could barely recognize her—”

Katara snapped her jaw shut as her voice neared a fatal crack, and she blinked back tears.

Before he could lose his nerve, Aang turned Katara’s hand over, the one still beneath his own, and carefully laced their fingers together. I’m here, he tried to say, not knowing how to say it. His touch seemed to do the trick, though, as Katara exhaled a shuddering breath and moved to rest against his side, their shoulders pressed firmly together.

“I was never… never close, though,” she murmured, her voice having regained stability. “Never touched the bodies. Not even my mom’s.”

The note of grief in Katara’s voice rang sharper than a wind chime, and Aang had to fight down the urge to pull her into his arms then and there. He couldn’t. Not yet. Not until she was finished, not until she was ready. So though Aang’s heart ached with an identical loss—You turned your back on the world!—he said nothing, and he let her continue.

“But I… I caught you, Aang.” Katara’s grip tightened around his hand, but Aang didn’t pull away, not even when her nails began digging into the skin just below his knuckles. “When you fell, in Ba Sing Se. After Azula. I caught you, I held you when you were—”

“Gone?” Aang supplied when her voice vanished, and Katara nodded, rubbing her eyes with the back of her free hand.

“Yeah.” She took another slow breath, clearing her throat. “And, you know, people always say that death is—that death is cold. It’s life, energy, stolen from the body. But Aang, you were”—Katara shook her head, eyes brimming with tears that glowed like droplets of liquid silver in the moonlight—“you were so warm, I could almost believe you were sleeping and would wake up in my arms any minute.”

Aang swallowed a lump rising in his own throat. “And I did wake up,” he said gently, once a beat had passed. “Because you saved me, Katara. You brought me back.”

Katara gave him a sorrowful smile. “Don’t you get it, Aang? That’s the problem.” Her free hand clenched into a fist, and she slammed it a single time against her chest—right over her heart. “I had the water from the Spirit Oasis. I had control, that was why I was able to heal you then, that was how I was able to make everything okay. But now?”

Katara’s hand uncurled, falling weakly to her side as she shook her head. Another silver tear traced the edge of a shadow that still haunted her cheek, the drop trickling downward. “Now, I don’t have miracles to rely on for help anymore. The only control I have is me, my own abilities, and Tui and La, Aang, I can’t—I can’t lose you again!”

Her voice broke, and Aang threw all forethought to the wind, releasing Katara’s hand to pull her into a hug fiercer than any they’d ever shared before. He didn’t care how her tears wet his shoulder, he didn’t care how desperately her arms locked around his body, no, all he needed was for Katara to know that he was there.

“I’m so sorry,” Aang finally whispered, pathetic and useless as the three words were.

Katara shook her head, face still buried into his shoulder. “Not your fault.”

For the first time since they’d met in the South Pole, Aang had no idea how to comfort her. It won’t happen again, I’ll always be there for you, you’ll always be there for me, we’ll both make it through this—they were empty promises, cheap vows he had no way to guarantee.

“We’re here now,” Aang murmured, pressing the lightest of kisses to the top of her hair. A new three words, a different but still simple action—something about the combination of gestures must have soothed Katara, as Aang could feel her exhale and her body relax against his own. “We’re here now.”

The present was all they could count on.

#kataang #kataangtag #kataang week #katara #aang #kataangst #atla #avatar the last airbender #atla fanfic #tw: discussion of death #amy writes

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agentrouka-blog · 4 years

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I agree that Ned treated his daughters as more "child like" than his sons. Even then he had a scene with Arya, where he warned her of the danger they were in, winter is coming and the pack survives, all that. He bonded with Arya better than with Sansa. Among all his children, Sansa was the most sheltered one. No wonder, she was so naive!

One of my side-theories is that Sansa’s insistent preoccupation with love and songs, her escapism into fiction and her desire to trust in ideals, is related to Ned’s “bastard” son.

She is naturally romantically inclined, and she grew up witnessing her parents sharing a loving relationship. And at some point this happened:

He missed the girls too, even Sansa, who never called him anything but "my half brother" since she was old enough to understand what bastard meant. (AGOT, Jon III)

So Sansa, somewhat sheltered, learned about the meaning of bastard in a way that may have been similarly traumatizing to her as it was to Jon.

That morning he called it first. "I'm Lord of Winterfell!" he cried, as he had a hundred times before. Only this time, this time, Robb had answered, "You can't be Lord of Winterfell, you're bastard-born. My lady mother says you can't ever be the Lord of Winterfell."

I thought I had forgotten that. Jon could taste blood in his mouth, from the blow he'd taken. (ASOS, Jon XII)

Not on the same scale and not for the same reasons, of course.

But the realization that there was a chink in that love, and a very vicious power imbalance between her parents, would have been traumatizing for a Girl who knows her Destiny is to follow in her mother’s footsteps.

THIS is the mindset Cat grew up with:

Many men fathered bastards. Catelyn had grown up with that knowledge. It came as no surprise to her, in the first year of her marriage, to learn that Ned had fathered a child on some girl chance met on campaign. He had a man's needs, after all, and they had spent that year apart, Ned off at war in the south while she remained safe in her father's castle at Riverrun. Her thoughts were more of Robb, the infant at her breast, than of the husband she scarcely knew. He was welcome to whatever solace he might find between battles. And if his seed quickened, she expected he would see to the child's needs. (…) She had come to love her husband with all her heart, but she had never found it in her to love Jon. She might have overlooked a dozen bastards for Ned's sake, so long as they were out of sight. (AGOT, Catelyn II)

The mindset of duty, of sexism, of pragmatism. It is an ugly mindset for romance. There is a contradiction there that cannot be resolved between them because Ned never gives Catelyn a resolution on Jon. He refuses to share information and he refuses to spare her the sight of the son of the “woman he loved” and apparently cannot let go of. So his mother remains and shadow and Jon remains a thorn in her side. Catelyn can not do anything about it. Ned has all the power. This power Imbalance, and Ned’s willingness to take Advantage of it, is anathema to romance. Cat blocks it out, most of the time, because it is how she was taught to live.

But the expectation of infidelity and pragmatism is not the marriage Sansa and Arya witness, the idea of marriage they are shown by their parents.

He looked at her uncomfortably. “My aunt Allyria says Lady Ashara and your Father fell in love at Harrenhal—” “That’s not so. He loved my lady mother.” “I’m sure he did, my lady, but—” “She was the only one he loved.” “He must have found that bastard under a cabbage leaf, then,” Gendry said behind them. Arya wished she had another crabapple to bounce off his face. “My father had honor,” she said angrily. “And we weren’t talking to you anyway. Why don’t you go back to Stoney Sept and ring that girl’s stupid bells?” (ASOS, Arya VIII)

Arya deflects, she cannot resolve the contradiction there, either. Because it shadowed the marriage of their parents.

So, Sansa - and this is another beautifully wrought example of trauma shared in the family and wreaking havoc on everyone - grows up with the necessity of accepting and blocking out contradictions. Her father is a good man, so his absolute power and his use of it cannot a bad thing. But Jon clearly causes her mother emotional pain, so this contradiction must be blocked out. Arya does the same, never ever having dwelled on where Jon came from, while still deeply aware of how bastardy is a bad thing.

When Arya had been little, she had been afraid that meant that she was a bastard too. It had been Jon she had gone to in her fear, and Jon who had reassured her. (AGOT, Arya I)

“Half-brother”, Sansa will always insist on calling Jon, never bastard and never full brother, a compromise, but that is the extent of what we see on that subject. There is zero textual evidence of any animosity between them.

And yet we have Sansa dreaming of romance, of Jonquil and Florian, of Aemon and Naerys, of knightly valor, of true knights.

She pulled a chair close to the hearth, took down one of her favorite books, and lost herself in the stories of Florian and Jonquil, of Lady Shella and the Rainbow Knight, of valiant Prince Aemon and his doomed love for his brother's queen. (AGOT, Sansa IV)

This is her coping mechanism with trauma.

Learning about the power imbalance between men and women, between her parents, about her potential future of having to bear humiliations and infidelity from her husband with no recourse, that may well be one of the roots of her “head in the clouds” insistence on romance and songs. It may be one of the roots of her somewhat distant relationship with Ned, too.

If her life is a song, then her future husband will be a source of truth and of love without abusing the power he is legally bestowed on her.

Of course, starting in his first chapter, Ned proceeds to arrange the opposite for her:

"Gods, Catelyn, Sansa is only eleven," Ned said. "And Joffrey … Joffrey is …" (…) "Sansa must wed Joffrey, that is clear now, we must give them no grounds to suspect our devotion.” (AGOT, Catelyn II)

He outright hands her over to a family he distrusts, to a future husband he knows is not kind, for pragmatic reasons. He uses his absolute power over her in a very careless way.

I think it is pretty reasonable to assume that Arya’s rejection of the entire Concept may be rooted in the exact same traumatic realization. Unlike Sansa, her Coping mechanism is to back away from the female social role altogether. Ned is equally unhelpful with that until he at last grants her lessons with Syrio Forel. He never has the Chance to make up for his mistakes with Sansa.

Ned and Cat’s marriage, and Sansa and Arya’s reaction to the visible power imbalance is such a big aspect of GRRM’s feminist message in the books. Jon unlearning at least parts of his sexism, his relationship with Arya, his respect for different facets of feminine power, his appreciation of soft power and his failure as an “absolute monarch” when he “kills the boy” as Lord Commander at the Watch, as well as Sansa’s journey examining the feminine social role and power abuse in general, all of that is a dismantling of the Hero and the Lady in oldschool romances. Deconstructing and reconstructing.

They are all being reforged, like Ice, pared down. Oathkeeper goes to Brienne, the true Knight. Widow’s Wail stays behind.

#asoiaf #sansa stark #eddard stark #sexism #parenting #jon snow #arya stark #Family therapy would have been a great idea #catelyn stark

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ziracona · 3 years

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Hello! I have always believed that Michael needed better doctors and good treatment. He was simply billed as "Evil". Sometimes I think that at that time they were unaware or ignorant of mental illness, and that is why Michael did not recover. I wish it had been treated better. I would like to know your opinion about it ;v;

Oh, absolutely. Michael is a very tragic character, and what happened to him was almost entirely Loomis’ fault, secondarily the system and his parents’, and like onyl 0.8% his own. It’s true that mental health aid has historically been really bad in most places, and even today treatment and acceptance—even in specifically medical settings—tend to be abysmal. Of course people knew less than they do now about how psychological stuff works, but bias, cruelty, and superstition as well as a system that enables and even to degrees outright encourages that is to blame for the awful treatment people woth mental illnesses and personality disorders faced and continue to face, not just a lack of knowledge, and the history is really heavy and awful to look over. : ( It’s horrific some of the things doctors have done and do to people just trying to get help.

Like, in Michael’s case, we’ve had a name and understanding of psychosis since the 1800s. Canonically, by the time the poor kid was six years old, he was hearing voices telling him to do bad things to people. He told his parents, seeking help, and they did nothing to help him—just told him it was his imagination—despite knowing hos grandfather had suffered the same symptoms. If they had only taken him seriously and given him therapy and possibly medication too, Judith never would have died. (I am not goong to say it every time, but all this information is official canon) Michael’s reason for killing his family members is wanting the vocies talking to him to be quiet, because it’s agonizing. If you’ve ever had intrusive thoughts (stuff like “pull into oncoming traffic” or “break that and see what happens” and such that don’t actually compell or force you to do it at all, and are always things you as a person deeply do not want to do, but nevertheless are really annoying or distressing to hear in your head), imagine that cranked up to 1000, endless and constant, but from voices that seem to come from around you instead of in your head. Especially as a young child, with no understanding what is happening to you, this would be incredibly scary and distressing—doubly so when dismissed by your parents, whose sole job is supposed to be to love and protect you.

The voices say they’ll be quiet if Michael kills Judith, so Halloween night, he does. Important to note here Michael is recently six years old at the time, which developmental psych literally is not old enough to have a complete understanding what death itself is, let alone complex morality. You /cannot/ be evil at six, you simply don’t have a complex enough understanding of right and wrong or of consequence to /be/ evil. Also at this age, usually kids see death as a vague concept, but one that applies to people they don’t know only, not to them and their loved ones. In Halloween 1978, immediately after stabbing Judith, Michael looks away while he keeps doing it, and his breathing speeds up in a scared way. He barely looks at the body, and immediately goes down stairs to wait for his parents—probably for them to fix it—and does nothing to flee or hide what he’s done. He looks traumatized when they take his mask off. (Lots of little notes here like that Judith when she sees him seems annoyed but not very, and when he attacks her, tries to shield herself and call to him to stop, rather than fleeing or fighting back, which [appealing instead of fight or flight] is pretty exclusively something you only would use if attcked by someone you are on good terms with—I mean, Michael is six—if Judith had /tried/ to fight back, no way she would have died—so there’s less than nothing to indicate they had anything but a loving familial sibling relationship. But if I list all these I’m gonna launch into my six page Michael Myers meta so I will speed through the rest.)

Anyway! Sorry, I have many feelings. About...everything. Including Michael for sure. So, immediately after killing Judith, Michael stops talking. He also shows other psychosis and trauma readily recognized side effects, like catatonia, slowed movement. In Halloween 1978c Dr. Loomis claims he tried to treat Michael for eight years, then spent another seven trying to keep him locked up because he realized he was evil. This is a /blatant/ lie, as in film canon Loomis, by Michael’s review hearing I believe four months in? Six or less for sure, I believe it is four. Loomis has /already/ become convinced Michael is a demon in human form, faking his symptoms, and itching to kill again. The other doctors think Loomis is crazy, as does the other doctor who examines Michael, but they’re awful people so they let him stay Michael’s doctor anyway, even though they refuse to move him to Litchfield maximum security. By this time only a few months in, Loomis is canonically also threatening the six year old in his care and constantly telling him he is an evil being who wants to get out and terrorize again. (Also, I will die enraged the sentance Michael gets for killing Judith is to remain locked in solitary in a sanitorium for /15/ years, until he turns 21, at which point he will be tried as an adult for murder??? The fuck?? You CANNOT charge a 6 year old’s crime in adult court! ‘Tried as an adult’ is meant for like, when a 17 year old dismembers their family and eats them! It’s for particularly heinous crimes, committed by someone /very/ close to being legally an adult, and that /only/. The idea of waiting fifteen years to try someone as an adult for something done at age six is laughable and sick).

Okay this is already long, I get carried away rip. Uhhh, anyway, yeah. In Smith’s Grove, Michael is visited by mom and Laurie once, then never sees any of his family again, because his dad hates him and forbids the others—finds out because Laurie is four and talks that they went /one/ time, and physically beats four year old Laurie for mentioning his name until she trauma blocks out ever having had a brother. From then on, Michael spends /fifteen/ years and all the dest of his developmental stages of childhood in a sanitorium with Dr. Loomis—a man who on wild religious superstition grounds assumes by his own admission /on sight/ that Michael is evil, and no other human contact. According to canon, Michael spends at least four hours of /every/ day with Loomis, his /only/ human contact, who threatens him, promises to stop him, and endlessly barrages him with “You’re evil, you’re not human, you want to kill again, I /will/ stop you,” and nothing else. He also canonically keeps Michael overdosed on a type of antipsychotic that, while a fine drug if used normally, if overdosed can deeply worsen symptoms, and can cause permanent brain damage.

Honestly, if a six year old is exposed yo major trauma, none of their issues are explained, legitimized, or believed, and almost all of their developmental stage is spent with endless voices they don’t know the cause of suggesting murder and violence, one human being and authority figure telling them over and over and over for fifteen years with no other constant in their life or human contact period that they are a demon in human form who wants to kill and is /going/ to do so again...? How else was that story ever going to end? I’ve said it before, but that’s beyond conditioning; it’s lab growing a human child to one day walk out and murder Laurie Strode with a large kitchen knife.

I stand by Halloween is a greek tragedy more than a slasher, and Michael and Laurie are both victims. He’s the Asterios, she’s the Ariadne. Loomis the Minos, the real villain. (Or the Poseidon choose your poison).

Anyway, I 100% agree! If he had just gotten help from his parents, Judith would have never died. If he’d had good doctors, none of the events of 1978 would have come to pass, or anything after it. Loomis single-handedly causes the deaths in 1978 himself through years of cruelty, and bigoted bias towards a small child in his care who needed his help, not his abuse, but he chose to break as much as he possibly could despite his responsibilities as a doctor, an adult, and a human.

If you’re interested, I did a canon-deep-dive character study short story on Michael on AO3! Halloween is such a sad story but it’s fascinating. God, poor Michael and Laurie deserved so much better than they got. It’s a testament to Michael’s character that even after 15 years of Dr. Loomis, he really only kills his intented target(s) in search of quiet from the voices, and anyone who sees him/would be a threat, and not other people. Makes no attempt to kill any of the kids in Halloween 2018, and only kills Bob when he literally opens the door to his hiding spot and Michael is found and Bob becomes a threat to him. In H20, after Michael has had 20 years on his own, you get arguably the least brutal Michael, who intentionally passes on killing the mother and child, and the security guard he walks right past, because they don’t see him and thus he doesn’t /have/ to. Halloween II is less intentionally avoiding, but even then he still does the same multiple times too, like with the old lady making a sandwich, or the scene in the incubator room. Anyway he desevered better fuck Loomis all my homies hate Loomis.

#ask #anonymous #michael myers #halloween #halloween 1978 #halloween II #Halloween H20 #Halloween 2018 #note: Michael is written /very/ differenly in the different timelines. different writers took complrtely dofferent approaches to hin as a #person. and his motives. so unless I state otherwise I am always talking exclusively about the version of Michael from the H20. 2018. & DbD #timelines. since those are all largely the same character. unlike the 3-4 RZ and resusrection or the novelization etc #they’re seperate universes w different canons. i am only really interedted in core/OG canon and its offshoots #its /direct/ offshoots haha #laurie strode #sam loomis #Isolation (fic)#Isolation #meta #michael myers meta #long post #me: I am not gonna do the six page breakdown ima do an overview #me: doesn’t do the six pages but damn well doesn’t do the short version either #i can’t help it you found an intense passion topic

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kiribaku-queen · 4 years

Text

Unexpected [8/8]

Pairing: Dabi x reader, Hawks x reader, Touya x reader

Fluff, angst, AU

Word count: 3.4K

A/N: Ahhh, I missed another Monday! Thank you for all your support for this series! I really loved seeing all your comments and love! Look at the author’s note at the bottom to know future projects! See you next Monday <3

Summary: Being quirkless wasn’t so bad. Especially when you had two badass best friends that had amazing quriks to make up for it. That is until one of them breaks your heart by disappearing in thin air. And the other breaks your heart by wanting to focus on his hero work. After coming back to Japan after studying abroad for 5 years, you were in for a whirlwind of surprises.

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8]

In due time, you were returning back to your daily life. When you escaped the League’s hideout, you were questioned by the police immediately, even after Hawks’ refute. But you willingly obliged to their demands. Every time you looked back, Hawks was there waiting for you. You gave the police every bit of information they asked for. You described every single event that happened to you there, in detail. Well, of course you left some details out because of how… vulgar they were. And when you thought back of them, it made your heart ache more than you wanted.

That night, you returned to your apartment. It was weird. Your room felt foreign to you. Hawks insisted that he stay the night and watch over you, but you decline his offer. He looked deeply into your eyes, many emotions running through him. God was he relieved to have you back to him but he was angry that you were taken in the first place. He felt a duty to stay and protect you but felt hurt that you were pushing him away. Unable to convey his feelings correctly, he just grabbed your arm, pulled you into his arms and hugged you tight. His crimson wings wrapped around your body in a protective state. All you could see in your vision was Hawks and his red wings all around you. You let yourself melt into the hug.

“I missed you,” he whispered, hurt strained his voice. You started to tear up upon hearing his confession.

“I missed you too,” you admitted, lightly sobbing into his neck.

“God, you don’t know how much I missed you. And how much I looked for you. I never stopped looking, searching. I could have turned the whole city upside down if I wanted to,” Hawks hugged you tighter.

“Your efforts paid off. Look where I am. You saved me,” you say as you pull him back, his eyes were red. You cupped his face and gently kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you.” Hawks smiles and leans closer to you.

“That’s all I get?” he teased, looking at your lips. You blushed but put a hand on his chest to stop him when he leaned closer. He stops and looks up at you.

“Keigo,” you warned, but your tone was teasing. Hawks backed up, acknowledging that it was too soon for you. But little did he know, you had an underlying reason for not letting him kiss you.

“Right. Too soon, got it. Get lots of rest, okay?” he cups your cheeks right back, gently caressing your cheek with his thumb a couple times before flying right out your window. Although you didn’t allow him to stay with you to keep watch, you knew he was going to watch over you from the next building over.

But you couldn’t sleep that night. You were tossing and turning, unable to get a wink of rest. Your mind was wandering and you were being engulfed in your thoughts. Everything you did or try to do was making you more restless. It was like you were back in a prison cell. You felt trapped even though you were back, safe and sound in your own apartment. This wasn’t right. You shouldn’t be feeling this way. But your thought kept drifting to Touya. Good or bad, he was all you could think of. And honestly, you were missing him. You hit your head a few times trying to bring your senses back. Really? After all he did to you, you want to think of his handsome face and his kind deeds and how warm his embrace was? No matter how hard you were trying to rid your mind of him, the beating of your heart was telling you a different story.

You took your time going back to work. They understood your situation and when they finally heard from you, waterworks came from everybody! Teachers and students alike, it was nonstop crying for a while. But it comforted you knowing that you were welcomed and loved back from everyone. Although it took some time to regain the momentum of work, with the support of your coworkers and your students, you found the strength to continue on.

But god, did so many things reminded you of Dabi. When it got cold in the office, a coworker could offer you a blanket which reminded you of when Dabi brought you a blanket that first day. When you would walk through town, someone would call out ‘Doll’ to you and you would immediately swing your head to the voice. Only to be disappointed that it was just some creepy, old man catcalling you. Rolling your eyes, you continued on your way, suppressing the sinking feeling in your chest. Sometimes, when you would be walking home late at night, you would hear footsteps behind you. Of course, you were thinking that Dabi was behind you and again, were disappointed to see someone else that wasn’t him.

And Hawks. How you were so grateful for that bird man. He was doing so much to help you feel comfortable, feel supported, and feel safe. He was there for you whenever you need him. When you needed to be hugged, he was there. If you were feeling lonely? Well not for long because Hawks would be there in a split second. Having a panic attack? Hawks is already there, ready to support you however you need it. And no matter how much you absolutely loved him and are thankful for all that he’s done, you couldn’t help but feel guilty for seeing Dabi within him. Sometimes Hawks would pat you on the head for comfort. And you were expecting the last tuck of hair behind the ear, but it never came. You craved for more every time he did that, like he was missing the last step of the puzzle. And you were left a little disappointed each time. Sometimes Hawks would take you out to dinner to cheer you up and get your mind off things. But he would take you to your favorite restaurants to eat your favorite foods and that only reminded you of how Dabi would bring you those exact foods.

Hawks could see how distracted you were every time you were with him. He could only assume that you were traumatized with your experience with the League of Villains. Who wouldn’t? You were kidnapped for no reason and was kept as a hostage for weeks. At least you were safe. It didn’t look like you were hurt physically. To try to ease some of your trauma, he would make sure to have a pair of eyes on your at all times, whether it be himself or with the help of his sidekicks. He would also swoop in every now and then to surprise you with flowers.

“Keigo!” you say his name in shock when he showed up at the window of your classroom. Thank god the last student just left and it was only you in the class. Hawks smiles at you and presents you a single red rose.

“For the pretty lady,” he says as he hands it over to you. Your eyes light up at this surprise and gladly take it.

“You’re too good to me. You don’t have to do this, Keigo,” you tell him, feeling a little bad that he’s constantly doing his best to help you.

“You know I want to,” he reassures you, taking your hand in his and rubbing small circles. “Can I walk you home?”

“Thank you, but I don’t want to keep from your job. I feel bad. Plus, I can walk home by myself. It helps me clear my mind,” you explain and he gives you a disapproving look.

“You know what happened last time you walked home by yourself,” Hawks’ eyes darkened. And you could understand how he was feeling. But you didn’t want to be reminded of that event. You cupped his cheek and made him look at you.

“I know. But it’s still bright out. There’s people everywhere. I’ll be fine.” You calm him down. He still doesn’t like the idea but let’s you go anyway. He can’t coddle you forever. He squeezed your hand a bit tighter and brings you in so that you are very close to his face.

“Fine. But call me if you feel like you’re in any bit of danger,” he said in the most serious voice. You giggle at how protective he was but that made him pout. “I’m serious.”

“I know,” you apologized and squeezed his hand back. “I’m sorry, I know. I’ll call you immediately, okay?” you tilt you head to the side and he nods. And then he pauses. He looks like he was about to say something else but decided against it. Keigo looks down at your lips and back up to your eyes. You caught that action and looked at him with wide eyes. Uh-oh. You started to get nervous and bit your lip. Keigo was leaning into you a bit but before he could make contact with your lips, you put a hand on his chest, stopping him.

“I’m sorry, Keigo. I need more time to think,” you say apologetically.

“Shit, sorry,” he says, pulling away from you. He gave you a sheepish smile and rubbed the back of his neck. It was an understatement to say that he was a tad disappointed but understands completely where you were coming from. He just assumed that your relationship would continue from where it was before the accident, but he should have known better than to make a move so soon.

No matter how much he wanted to disobey your commands and just secretly watch you walk home, he trusts that you made the right decision and let you walk home by yourself. The sun was starting to set but you could definitely make it home before sundown. So you took your time walking back to your apartment. You would look behind your back often just in case, but other than that, you were enjoying time to yourself. It gave you a lot to think about because man, was there a lot on your mind. And one specific man was holding up all your thoughts. You missed him more than you wanted but you kept trying to tell yourself that you didn’t need him. You didn’t need someone who likes to have sex with other women. You didn’t need someone who lies to you to fulfil his own desires. You didn’t need someone who was evil and goes against your beliefs. You didn’t need someone who would protect you from other villains. Who would whisper sweet nothings to you. Who made you feel special. And happy. And… oh, what were you thinking? You don’t need a villain in your life. You need someone like Keigo. Who protects you with his whole life and would literally do anything to make you smile. But why weren’t you feeling anything towards him?

Your thoughts were put on hold when you entered your apartment. You put your keys on the kitchen table and kicked your shoes off. It was finally time to relax and maybe you’d call Keigo over if you were really bored. You looked up and was about to turn on your lights when you saw something in your living room. A human shadow. Your body is completely frozen in fear. You’re shaking and feel like you’re about to pass out any minute now. But you remember Hawks. Quickly and as quietly as you could, you grabbed your phone and tried to dial Keigo’s number. The light from your phone made the figure turn to you and you scream as loud as you could. The figure was quick to cover your mouth, right before you could call Keigo. You look up with frightened eyes to see Dabi? His face was really close to yours. Even with how dark it was in your apartment, you could see Dabi’s blue eyes shining brightly. You were mesmerized for a second but snapped out of your thoughts. You push him away with a hard shove.

“Get out!” you scream. “I told you I don’t want to ever see you again!”

“(y/n)…” he’s calling out your name in the most gentle voice you’ve heard from him and it’s breaking your heart.

“Don’t…Dabi,” you voice cracked. Instead of saying his real name, you called him by his fake name to show him that you didn’t care anymore. But it hurt you to say his fake name. Little did you know, it hurt him just as much. “I’m not some girl you can just fuck whenever you want. So, just… get out. Please,” you begged. Dabi didn’t move an inch. No matter how much hate you were spitting at him, you felt something other than hate. But you were mad. Very mad at him. So why the hell were you still feeling this way for him?!

“(y/n), please listen to me,” he was begging but you were quick to shut him down.

“Why should I? I told you already. I don’t want to be associated with you until you leave the League of Villains. So if you haven’t, you don’t deserve to have me listen to you.” You crossed your arms and looked away from him. Good, you put your foot down. Now hopefully, he would listen to you for once.

The moon was high in the sky now. Dabi still hadn’t moved from where he was which was making you angry. You were about to yell at him some more but then, he took a step into the moonlight. When he did, you got a clear look at his face and your jaw dropping to the floor. Some of the staples in his face were pulled out leaving behind gruesome scabs and blood running down his face. He was pretty beaten up. Blood leaking from his eyes, mouth and nose. Blood was also running down the sides of his face. You look at this body and his wrist was recovering from when Shigaraki held onto it but still broken. All that anger and hate that was in you were thrown right out the window. He looked frail and broken. Sudden worry filled your eyes and you cupped his face.

“What happened to you?” you could only let a whisper, continuing to scan his body for injuries.

“You said to leave. So I did,” he said, looking at you with soft eyes. You were baffled. You didn’t know what to say. Sure, you had your hopes high in the beginning that he was actually going to do it, but then it started turning into a bluff. But now that he’s actually done it, you didn’t know how to feel. Relieved? Happy? If he was looking like this, then he couldn’t have been lying. You were concerned now. You took his hand and took him to your bathroom to clean him up. You cleaned up all the blood and cuts on his face, dressed the larger cuts in bandages and allowed him to put new staples in his face. You turned around for this part because you couldn’t bare to see the staples pierce in his skin. When he was finished, you turned back around to finish cleaning him up.

“You’re an idiot, you know that?” you said, refusing to look at him but he was staring at your face the entire time.

“How?” he questions.

“How could you leave the most dangerous group in all of Japan? I can’t believe you’re not dead. And you allowed them to beat you up so badly.”

“I did it for you,” he said. Now you finally looked at him. He had a small smile on his face and he was looking at you in the most loving way. The way he was intensely looking at you was making your heart skip. “So, don’t call me ever Dabi again. I go by Touya now.”

“You’re really back?” you asked, gasping. It was too good to be true. Is this really happening? You wanted to pinch yourself to wake up from this dream. Touya smiles and nods his head. You cover your mouth, tears trickling down your cheeks and jump to hug him. Touya catches you in his arms, comforted by your scent.

“Touya, are you really back?” you ask one last time and he just chuckles.

“I’m back (y/n),” he says, hugging you tighter. Your moment was ruined when he pulls you away to look at him. “But I’ll be tracked down by those guys for the rest of my life. Will you run with me?” he asks with hopeful eyes.

“To the ends of the earth,” you reply and Touya lets out a sigh of relief. Your eyes meet and now he’s all you could see. He’s slowly wrapping his arms around your waist and pulled you in close. The closer he gets, the lower your lids got, until his lips reach yours in a deep and passionate kiss. Yes, this is what you wanted. This is what you both wanted. He was what you needed so badly. His lips were so comforting that you wanted more of him. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him even closer. Your bodies completely flushed together, but it wasn’t enough. Touya, reading your mind, was already picking you up to take you to your bedroom.

That night, you two spent a passionate night together. Bodies sweaty and tangled together. Kissing and moaning filled your room. Hands touching each other’s bodies in a desperate way, like touching wasn’t enough for you guys. Normally, Touya would get right to the point but tonight, he took it slow and sensual. He took time to admire you body. Every inch, every curve, every imperfection was explored by him. He placed kisses all over your body. Some places where he already kissed before. Some places where he’s never kissed. First it was your lips, then your neck, then trailed all the way down between the valleys of your breast, down your stomach and between your inner thighs. He made sure you whisper sweet nothings in your ear every minute, remind you of what he loved about you, your body, your personality. Everything. You weren’t having sex that night. You were making love. Touya was on top, groaning in your ear, telling you how good you feel. Eyes were rolled back in ecstasy, nails leaving scratches on his back. You grab both of Touya’s cheeks, forcing him to look at you.

“Say you love me,” you breathe. Touya kisses you and bumps foreheads with you.

“You know I do.”

Keigo knew trying to make a move on you was too soon. But he just wanted you so bad. He hadn’t seen you in so long that all he wanted to do was be with you. You weren’t ready to continue your relationship with him. He gets that. After all, your relationship from before wasn’t the best. You were hooking up. But maybe you would want to be with him if he asked you to be his girlfriend. And that’s what he was going to do.

He had to make sure his plan went perfectly. He didn’t want to mess it up and embarrass himself. So it took a few more weeks to ask you. But today was the day. He was going to make a grand romantic gesture to ask you to be his.

Hes’s flying his way to you, all dressed up: he wore his best clothes, hair slicked back, a gigantic bouquet of flowers in hand. He was definitely dressed to impress. Keigo was getting closer to your apartment. Thank god for his hawk-like eyes. He sees you in your room, looking in the mirror all dressed up as well. His heart skips a beat at how beautiful you looked. It was like you knew he was going to ask you out, so you dressed for the occasion. He’s about to swoop in a woo you, when he stops in his tracks. There was a villain in your room. You were too busy to look in the mirror to notice Dabi sneaking up behind you. Instantly enraged at the audacity of him, Hawks used his wings to make a sword and flashes forward. But yet again, he stops flying when Dabi hugs you from behind, making you squeal. You had a smile on your face. Hawks’ expression literally drops, his heart sinking to the bottom of his stomach.

“Touya!” you gladly yell his name, turning around and wrapping your arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

Touya?

Touya Todoroki?

A/N: PLEASE DON’T HATE ME! I know I left you on a cliffhanger but I’m evil like that! If you guys have any questions regarding this series, leave me an ask and I’ll gladly answer them to the best of my abilities! These questions can range from clafication or you’re confused on something, or want to know what happens next or anything like that! Or if you just want to leave some love, I would ABSOLUTELY love that as well!

For the next couple of weeks, I think I’m going to push out a few oneshots for you guys as I prepare for the next series! Here is the summary of the new series, if you guys are interested:

After becoming the number 2 hero, Bakugou accomplished everything he ever wanted. He beat Deku in a few matches, even if he wasn’t the number 1 hero. He got all the fame, beat countless villains, was acknowledged by all his friends and family. But he wasn’t satisfied. He wasn’t happy. Bakugou realized that this wasn’t the life he wanted. So he left the life of a hero and decided to hide to live the rest of his life as a normal person.

The series is about Bakugou and maybe a surprise character from Haikyuu??? Let me know if you guys are interested in this series and I’ll see you Friday?

Tagged: @superblyspeedydragon @ditu-m9 @snuckerfrcnicken @flowersgirl02 @complicatedharry @seikamuzu @elsasshole @sugarandsoft @lysawayne @gheyboux @its-mochi-boba-tea-blr @rainningdoom @ohnosiren @bestgirlkonan

#dabi x reader #hawks x reader #touya x reader #hawks imagines #dabi imagines #bnha imagines #bnha dabi #bnha hawks #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #touya is dabi change my mind

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morwensteelsheen · 3 years

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I might have just hallucinated this but at some point i saw something (maybe it was a fic? Idk) exploring Eowyn meeting Glorfindel. Just for fun do you have any thoughts on how that might have gone? I always thought it was an interesting little detail that so many elves were present in Edoras for Theoden's funeral/the trothplighting and wonder what they might have made of all that. It seemed to me a changing of the guard in a way as the age of elves was ending and the age of men began ascending

Oooh, fun question, and that's really such a beautiful way of putting that, I love the idea of it as a changing of the guard.

You definitely didn't hallucinate that fic, I'm trying to find it now — will update when I do!

So I think there are a few main factors that go into deciding what Éowyn would have thought about meeting Glorfindel, and vice versa. I’ll start with Éowyn because that’s what I’m more comfortable with.

The three main questions to answer here are: 1) Éowyn’s thoughts on the Elves generally 2) Éowyn’s awareness of the prophesy/the lore surrounding the Witch-king and 3) the extent to which Éowyn is impressed (or not impressed) by impressive things.

We’ll start with 1. Which rocks because it’s the one we have the least textual evidence for — classic! Legolas is almost certainly the first Elf she’s ever interacted with, and we see basically no interactions between them. So we have to look to the next Elves she sees which are… Elladan and Elrohir. And on those fellas, she’s got nothing particularly interesting to say:

The Lady Éowyn greeted them and was glad of their coming; for no mightier men had she seen than the Dúnedain and the fair sons of Elrond; but on Aragorn most of all her eyes rested.

So, she (rightly) thinks they’re pretty and strong, but really has nothing much else to say beyond that. This is mostly because she’s focussed entirely on Aragorn, but you’d think if she was going to have any strong reactions, now would be the time. Textually this is all we get, so now I get to dive into my HC. I think she’s basically unimpressed by them generally. Not outright hostile, because she’ll have seen what part they played in the war and have tremendous respect for them for that, but they’re not really a thing that exists in her life, so to speak. Plus, the first person she really talks to for any extended period of time who’s going to have any strong opinions on the Elves is Faramir and he is, objectively, deeply ambivalent (see: his takes on dealing with Galadriel and the Elves in Two Towers. King of Not Giving A Fuck).

On the Elf Question, she’s probably going to come to them with a general level of ambivalence and, maybe, some scepticism, and maybe some feelings of discomfort. They’re just very, very outwith her ken.

Okay onto 2. The prophesy and the lore. Yeah, Éowyn almost certainly knows jack shit about this. Not because she’s dumb, but just because it’s, again, not really part of her world. The Battle of Fornost is a somewhat significant battle, all things considered, but it’s so far before the establishment of the Mark that it’s unlikely they’re going to be dealing with the specifics of it, and certainly even less so with the airy-fairy shit some twunk is spouting off afterwards. Going into her fight, she’s really not going to know why it should matter that she’s not a dude, she just knows that the Witch king is bad and she wants him gone. She might not even know who Glorfindel is, to be honest! Which is also going to be funny because for those in the know, Glorfindel is, like, literally Jesus Christ Superstar. The question really is how many people know? The Gondorrim fo sho, I struggle with the extent to which the Rohirrim are versed in this sort of stuff. Éomer, maybe. Certainly he’s going to be briefed, being the King of the Mark and all that, but how much gets passed along to Éowyn? I’m not sure. My heart says all of it, my head says basically none.

And 3., how much is Éowyn impressed by impressive things? Well, that can go either way. She’s obviously very impressed by Aragorn, but that could be/is as much an emotional response to the act of heroism she sees as it is to his general impressiveness. The next impressive thing we see her deal with is the Witch king and, again, this is coloured by emotion, but she really does not seem impressed At All by him. So unimpressed, actually, that where braver men turned tail and hauled ass out of there, she starts monologuing lol. The next impressive thing is Minas Tirith, Gondor generally, and Faramir. She’s very iffy on all of these things, she’s certainly not much impressed by the power or majesty of it all, and it takes a lot of concessions on Faramir’s behalf before she’s out and out ready to deal with him. So, yeah. Not easily impressed our Éowyn.

Glorfindel, by comparison, is an absolute delight of a character who is almost certainly deeply, deeply impressed with Éowyn. And, I think importantly, is not liable to get bogged down into the hooha about whether or not it’s Merry or Éowyn who fulfils the prophesy. I think he’s going to be fucking thrilled to death (in his own, neat and tidy way) about Éowyn being who she is. His approach to this is going to be much less complicated than Éowyn’s — he’s seen fucking loads of great heroes in his life, no matter how cool she is, she’s just another one of them, so he’s not going to be starstruck.

I think their actual meeting would be fairly lowkey, particularly if it’s at any sort of major event. I might even go so far as to say that Éowyn’s not really going to differentiate between him and any of the other Elves that are cutting about unless someone either 1) explicitly gives her a heads up in advance or 2) he goes out of his way to explain who he is and what their implicit relationship to one another is. For my part, I’m not certain he would.

Part of the problem with dealing with this question is that Glorfindel is Tolkien’s hero’s hero. He’s a hero nonpareil, basically so heroic that he lacks any real distinguishable personality beyond inherent nobility, goodness, and courage. In any interaction between them, Glorfindel would sort of being fulfilling the role of a character trope, and Éowyn would be providing the bulk of the personality. Given that, I think I’m pretty comfortable in saying that Glorfindel would probably approach Éowyn as a warrior equal, and would compliment her on her feat, but would not, I think, necessarily be hanging around to chat complex history with her. If anything it’s probably going to be a drive-by conversation. They’ll meet, he’ll congratulate her, he’ll go on with his life. I don’t think she’s going to be starstruck by meeting him.

I also think she’s going to be at a very specific point in her life at any point where they could reasonably meet where she’s probably not going to be all giggly/happy/proud of herself for having killed the Witch king. It’s still going to be a really sore, traumatic moment in her life that’s going to be wrapped up in so many other negative emotions (not least of which is her stunted catharsis — which I am intending to write about later) that she’s probably fine acknowledging it but is maybe a bit emotionally ehhh on it. If he, say, swings by Emyn Arnen in TA 3021, maybe she’ll be a little more up for chatting happily about it and swapping war stories. But I think at Théoden’s funeral or Aragorn and Arwen’s wedding she’s just not going to be in the right place for big hype over it. And I suspect Glorfindel would recognise that and be respectful of it — he, too, has seen some shit.

What would be fucking fun is everybody who’d be trying to watch that interaction, especially if it’s going on at an event or in public. The rubbernecking would be absurd. For all his Elf ambivalence, I’d put a decent amount of money down to say that Faramir would be hauling ass over there to be a part of that conversation — mostly out of a detached academic interest, it’s not often you see the heroes of your childhood stories/Tolkien Jesus come walking up to congratulate your wife on being radge as fuck. If Aragorn’s around/aware, he’s definitely got some level of pride going on over it, and would probably try to see it from afar, if not being around for it. Éomer’s definitely hyped even if he’s not really got the full significance of it down, there’s no way he’s not going to be impressed by Glorfindel’s biography. Everybody else, even those without a personal connection to either of them, is probably watching because it’d be a cool as shit thing to see. I don’t fully understand the significance of, like, public marriage proposals or whatever, but if I see one happening I’m gonna watch it. That sort of thing.

#asks #honestly just laughing at the thought of like half the room turning to watch glorfindel approach éowyn and éowyn being like 'the fuck???'#éowyn /#glorfindel /#gondor /#lotr /#hc

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athrialuxegna · 3 years

Text

Stronger than she thinks Part 2

Triggers warning: mental and physical abuse, violence, swearing

Part 1 | Part 3

Fanfiction | Archiveofourown | Wattpad

It was 6 a.m when I walked out of the cafeteria and nearly choked on my saliva when I saw Eric and Brent. They were laughing at some joke. I couldn’t help but feel a slight twinge in my stomach. If only Eric knew what monster Brent was. Who was I kidding! Eric would not give a shit about this. They stopped in their tracks when they notice me. My face contorted with disgust at the sight of Brent’s horny eyes looking up and down my body. A cold shiver ran down my spine.

“Christine, long time no see.” Brent’s smirk was full of himself.

He had me cornered. Eric was staring at our exchange. It was really bad. If I backed away it would give too much information and the same if I retorted. Ugh, one week of more or less peace wasn’t enough. I became a real ninja since my encounter with Eric. I have succeeded to avoid both men, but my luck was wearing off today.

“My life was brighter without the sight of you. Such a shame you just ruined it.” My sarcastic tone enraged him, his ears turned red and his eyes shot fire. Good. Then he smirked. Oh, crap.

“You know you miss me, Chrissy.” His voice was hushed and seductive.

All color was drained from my face. My nails were digging in my palms, blood slowly spilling from the crescent wounds. This nickname rang a bell. He had called me that when he was all over me. I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood in my mouth. Motherfucker!

“I have something better to do than talking to a prick like you.” I hissed back, turning on my heels.

“You’re so hot when you’re angry Chrissy.�� He called after me.

A wave of entangled emotions was bubbling inside of me. It won’t be long before I break down. I began to run when I turn the corner. I went straight to the roof. The rain was pouring hard. Thick drops fell on my face and soaked my clothes. I screamed at the top of my lungs to the raging sky. I couldn’t take his attitude, his face nor his fucking nickname. I took out all my pent up anger and desperation onto the wall beside me. My knuckles hit the wall harder and harder until my knees gave out. I imagined his face, as bloody as my hands, as shattered as my soul. I wish I could just disappear or forget what happened. Hot tears were streaming down my cheeks. Okay, maybe I was not drained yet.

“Why did you do this to me?” I asked to the raging sky, defeated.

“Why who did what to you?”

Eric’s deep voice startled me. He was standing right at the door, the only escape from the roof. Wonderful. I sighed deeply. I am so fucked, I thought. I felt like I was ready to jump from a cliff without a safety net awaiting me at the bottom. Everything was crashing down around me. I had nothing to lose now. Still, a part of me refused to admit what happened. My bruised ego wasn’t willing to let go. I closed my eyes a second before answering, my back still facing him.

“It’s none of your concern Eric,” I replied dryly.

The tears had stopped as soon as I heard his voice. I appeared weak enough right now to not turn around crying my eyes off. Eric came in front of me, crouching down to be near my level. His eyes more intense than usual as if he was trying to read my thoughts. I wished I wasn’t in the cafeteria earlier. I wished Eric would just ignore me.

“I know this is related to Brent.” I hold my breath at the name. “Tell me, Christine, what did he do to you?” His cold voice chilled me to the bone.

I shivered but held his gaze nonetheless. I shook my head in complete denial. Eric was the last person I wanted to confess to. Eyebrows furrowed and teeth clenched, I held my ground.

“Nothing.” My voice was surprisingly strong.

Eric huffed then closed the gap between us. His breath fanned my face, our noses nearly touching. My breath quickened at the sudden intrusion into my personal space. Tears brimmed in my eyes and I cursed my body for trembling like a leaf. Eric’s eyebrow quirked up, his piercings glistening at the movement. His icy blue eyes tore into my soul, curiosity burning inside them. However, his face was void of any emotion.

“Now, tell me why are you in such a state? You can’t fool me, Christine.” His low voice reached a deeper octave.

Seconds passed, I couldn’t bring myself to tare my eyes away from him. Even though I hated him to follow me up here. Didn’t he have better things to do? I closed my eyes and whispered finally.

“Brent raped me.”

My surrender cost me a lot. It was the final straw, the confirmation that my life became a living hell. Silence followed my confession. I found the courage to open my eyes. Eric was fuming, his gaze fixated on the ground. A hole would appear any second in the concrete at this point. His clenched jaw and fists told me that he was on the verge of losing his self-control. I didn’t know if it was a good or a bad thing. Was he angry at Brent for doing this? Or was he angry because Brent might lose his job as his consultant? So many questions swirled in my mind when his sharp voice cut the dreadful silence.

“When?”

“Monday night,” I replied curtly, not trusting my voice further.

“Son of a bitch.” He muttered under his breath. “We have to report to Max. Brent has to respond to his crime.”

His words held a finality that scared me. Will he report with or without my consent? His entire demeanor screamed that he was ready to bolt for Max’s office any second. I shot him a wary look and shook my head. It can’t be happening so fast. I hadn’t processed the whole thing yet.

I needed some time to prepare myself for the incoming battle. Should I say the truth or should I lie? An investigation won’t do anything without my word. Brent set up the whole thing, there was no proof. Unless… I went to the infirmary to be examined. No way, no one would ever touch me again or see my lady parts.

“Max won’t know anything. Brent can’t be judged for his crime because of the circumstances.” I retorted with annoyance.

“What circumstances? Rape is rape for fuck’s sake.” Growled Eric.

“You wouldn’t understand because I can’t even figure it out myself,” I admitted bitterly. “Cowardice is my crime.”

“What do you mean?” Something flickered in his eyes.

“While he was…” I trailed off. “I couldn’t move a muscle, my body won’t cooperate. I was helpless, an empty shell. I could just watch and... feel.”

The words ran out of my mouth before my brain could register. I wished I could disappear or that Eric would magically teleport somewhere else. I felt my cheeks burn from embarrassment and shame. I lowered my gaze onto the floor, I couldn’t look at him after saying this.

“It is pretty common during a traumatic experience. Your brain shuts down to protect you, it’s a defensive response.” He explained with a rather know-it-all voice.

A surge of unknown anger bubbled inside of me. His nose side triggered something deep. I huffed and threw my arms around to avoid punching him. His psychological bullshit wouldn’t help me to get rid of my guilt.

“I was a coward nonetheless and I’ll remain as long as I can’t forgive myself. Where’s the Eric I know, the ruthless leader? He would just say to suck it up and get on with my life or I would end up Factionless. Why do you care anyway? Just throw me over the roof already to end my misery!” I yelled.

Eric stood still, unfazed by my sudden outburst. He crossed his arms over his broad chest and waited until I calmed a little bit. His eyes boring holes into my skull.

“Enjoy, this is the only chance you’ve got to shout at me.” He smirked briefly. “No matter what you think of me Chris, this is part of my job to ensure the security of all Dauntless members. The only way to protect you and other women is to send him to justice.”

I growled inwardly. He was right. Brent should be stopped as soon as possible. He could do worse in the meantime. I sighed deeply and bowed my head. I was conflicted. Part of me wasn’t willing to give in. My intimacy had already been violated. I didn’t need a nurse looking down there now. I was selfish, I knew, but it was easier to ignore it than to face it. Tell me about being Dauntless, huh.

“I’ll tell you when I’m ready to report this,” I muttered.

Eric’s lips twitched up at the corners in an almost genuine smile. My heart skipped a beat at the sight, his face always tight and closed was a bit relaxed. Bewitched Eric returned. His changing demeanor was unnerving, I didn’t know what to expect next.

“We should go back inside to take care of your knuckles. Unless you want to catch the flu.”

He turned on his heels and stalked away. He didn’t seem bothered by the rain drenching his clothes and hair. I followed him down in the compound. The cold hallways made me shiver. My soaked clothes clang awkwardly to my body. I certainly looked like a penguin with a stick shoved up his ass or a pathetic excuse of a cowboy, walking after hours of riding a horse. We didn’t say a word until he took a turn I hadn’t expected. He was leading me down the leaders’ quarter. I stopped dead in my tracks.

“Why do you bring me here?” I questioned warily.

“You prefer Marlene’s questioning?” He retorted coolly.

I began to walk again. Marlene was the head of the infirmary, a curious young woman who couldn’t hold her tongue. Eric’s smirk returned to his lips. He was himself again. Good. We entered his apartment. It was huge, tidy, and neat as if no one lived here. There was classical furniture, a black leather couch, a table, a full bookshelf. Three closed doors faced us, which lead to the kitchen, the washroom, and the bedroom, I presumed. Eric went into one of the rooms to get me spare clothes.

“You can use the bathroom to take a shower and change. We’ll take care of your knuckles after.” He pointed to the door closest to me.

I nodded and took the clothes from his hands. He disappeared quickly through the same door. I guessed he had a bathroom connected to his bedroom. Perks of being a leader. The hot water hit me and washed my emotions. Reality dawned on me. Eric knew. He was the only one other than Brent. How will it go between both men? They were working together, how was this supposed to go well?

I hoped that Eric would not do anything impulsive. It would only worsen the situation I was in. I didn’t even know what was the law regarding rape. Did it even exist? I wasn’t sure. Rape was a rare occurrence in Dauntless, exceptional trials that I’ve never seen in my twenty-five years here.

I tried to escape from my thoughts while drying myself. I get changed. Eric gave me one of his shirts, a large hoodie, and jogging. It smelt like him, his scent surrounded me. A mix of mint and leather. A strange sense of security settled in me. A knock on the door resonated.

“Are you finished?” Eric asked through the door.

“Yes, you can come in,” I responded, slightly surprised by his thoughtfulness. He could have barged into the room with no care in the world. We were in his apartment after all.

The door opened and Eric walked in. He changed into a similar outfit to mine. I couldn’t recall the last time I’ve seen him in anything other than his leaders’ attire. His tight shirt outlined his toned chest and his jogging hang low on his hips, I could catch a glimpse of his smooth skin. I adverted my eyes elsewhere, disturbed by my wandering mind. I was raped a week ago and I drooled over him. Something was definitely wrong with me. Did Brent hit me too hard?

I’d lie if I said that he wasn’t handsome, but Eric was Eric. He was untouchable, a leader, and most importantly the bearer of my secret. I needed to suppress the reminiscence of my crush on him. It wasn’t the time nor the best circumstances and, let’s be real, Eric could have any other Dauntless girl. So why bother with me?

Eric opened a drawer and took a first-aid kit without glancing at me. I had washed all the dry blood from my hands. The cuts were visible now. I let him take care of them. His rough hands were gentle and he kept space between us. I appreciated the gesture even though his changing behavior unsettled me. He bandaged my hands then cleaned all the supplies.

“If you want to fight find a real opponent. Next time the wall will win. Your bones are not that tough.” He remarked, his eyes resting on me.

“I wish I could kill him with my bare hands but it would do me no good.” I huffed while rolling my eyes.

“You could call me next time.” His voice light as a feather.

“What? You’ll do worse than the wall, Eric.” I responded, crossing my arms over my chest.

His laugh filled the bathroom. I’ve never heard it before. I was stunned for a second, processing what I was witnessing. I must’ve looked at him like he had grown two heads because he composed himself and raised an eyebrow.

“What?” The ghost of a smile lingering on his lips.

“I’ve never heard you laugh before,” I said without thinking.

His serious expression returned as well as his cold blue eyes. The Eric I knew was finally back.

“Now get out of here. I have work to do.” He dismissed.

I was about to leave when I look at him with worried eyes. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Come on, I won’t do anything about your secret without your consent.” He practically growled.

“Thanks, Eric.” I nodded slightly then walked out of the apartment.

Once alone dread fell onto me. I went to the tattoo parlor, my safe haven. Tori was cleaning her stuff when I walked in. She smiled at me and beckoned me to come with her to one of the tattoo stalls. I joined her and sit on the tattoo chair as if I belonged in here.

“Hey, Chris you want something today?” She asked, taking a sit by the chair I sat on.

“Yop Tori. I think I’ve got an idea.”

I explained to her what I wanted. She drew the design, it was better than what I have expected. The buzzing of the machine soothed me. It was a tough pleasure to get tattooed. The needles were in and out of my skin, the dull ache growing in my back. Tori hadn’t talked since the beginning.

“Now, would you tell me why you’re wearing man’s clothes and have your knuckles bandaged?” She asked out of nowhere.

I tensed slightly then relaxed not to mess up the tattoo.

“I ended up getting caught in the storm outside. Someone get me spare clothes. ” I answered carefully.

Tori hummed in response. Silence fell upon us once again. I must have fallen asleep because Tori woke me up by shaking my shoulder. I opened my eyes to see a large smile on her face.

“Good nap, sleeping beauty?” She mocked.

“Sorry, I won’t do it again,” I replied, stretching my sore muscles.

“Don’t do promises you can’t keep, Chris.” She laughed.

Every time Tori tattooed me I fell asleep in no time. I smiled and get up to see my back in the mirror. The beautiful Phoenix, wings spread, was looking back at me. It was stunning, the fine details made it seem real. A masterpiece that took my entire back. Satisfied and happy, I turned to Tori.

“This is wonderful. Thanks, Tori.”

She nodded and was called by another customer. I waved goodbye and took my leave. I didn’t know what to do on my days off. Even more so now that I didn’t have any friends to spend time with. I missed hanging around with Jenna and Kate. I have encounter neither of them since their visit in my apartment. A dull ache crushed my ribcage, I was alone. Brent took everything from me. He took more than my innocence, he destroyed my life. I couldn’t trust anyone, not fully at least. There will still be a doubt, a “what if” that will ruin my relationships. I wandered in the Pit like a lost soul. It was becoming full. I sat on a rock and watched Dauntless members passing by.

A hand fell on my shoulder. I jerked away and turned around to face Four. My eyebrows furrowed as my heart calmed his frantic beats. He looked tired, working in the control room took its toll on him. He seemed more dynamic when he was training the initiates. He arbored a somber expression, his eyes boring into mine.

“Chris we have to talk about something. In private.” He muttered.

I gulped, it wasn’t something good. Four had to know something to appear out of nowhere to talk. He had seen something. Cameras were all over the compound. Brent couldn’t avoid all of them. I didn’t want anyone to see what happened. If they were a trial, it would be watched by so many people. My body shivered and I get up to follow Four in an empty hallway. We stood a few feet apart, staring at each other, choosing our words carefully.

“Chris, I saw what happened Monday night. Eric and I were talking about the next initiation when the screens showed you and Brent.”

Eric knew before I confessed. I felt betrayed that he didn’t tell me. I swallowed thickly and shook my head. The situation was getting out of my hands. I needed to get out of here. The pitiful gaze Four cast on me made me sick. I couldn’t take his soft eyes. I turned around and ran as if I was chased by a werewolf.

I turned the corner and crashed into a strong body. My eyes settled on Brent. He had his arms wrapped around my waist to keep me from falling. His intense brown orbs plunged into my emerald irises. My body stiffened and I wriggled in his grasp to get free. It only made him tighten his grip.

“Oh Chrissy, I knew you would run after me.” His low voice rang in my ears.

I tried to pry him away from me to no use, he was way too strong. His lips graced my neck, a cold shiver ran down my spine.

“Brent get off me. I don’t want you.” I growled.

Footsteps echoed in the hallway. Brent let me go and I bolt out of here. Eric was right. Brent had to be brought to justice or he will continue. I went into my apartment and closed myself for the rest of the day. I didn’t eat this evening. I was feeling sick at the idea of explaining what happened to Max and the other leaders. My night had been restless, haunted by horrible nightmares.

#divergentfanfiction #Eric Coulter #EricXOC #fanfiction #ericdivergent #slightlyAU #NoWar

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halcyonnie · 4 years

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hii can i request where reader keeps on thinking abt the past like about vera, renata, how she couldnt save anton, etc. but johann realizes that she's feeling down and tries his best to be there for her? thank you!!

mourning

A/N: thanks for requesting sweetheart <: hope you enjoy a little more different style of writing!

••••

Swinging your legs over the stone railing of your college, you sighed deeply, staring at the deep blue waves. It seems to contain so many secrets, maybe the bodies of your friends?

You remember Renata’s cold hands on your stomach, as you desperately reached for her, clambering to pull her down with you as if that would help. Maybe she could be here too, if you just tried harder.

If you tugged a little harder, stayed afloat a little longer, you could’ve saved her.

Khorkina, Anton, they may have been a real pain in the ass but god. They didn’t deserve what happened! And if you tried harder, if you were better, you could’ve saved them all. Your accomplishments were so futile in comparison to the failure of the orphanage.

Burying your face into your hands, your elbows digging into the flesh of your thighs as you tried to compartmentalize your situation. You never tried to speak out how you feel, that day was traumatizing for everyone involved. But the survivor’s guilt clung to you like a wad of gum in your hair, tugging and pulling you back to bed, draining any motivation to work or fight.

“Y/N.” Cocking your head up, you saw the familiar raven-haired staring down at you. He crossed his arms, raising a brow. “What’s wrong?” You paused, sighing deeply.

“Just been thinking, Johann. Do you need anything?”

“Oh...No, it’s just, uhm, I’ve heard you haven’t been feeling well,” his voice was stoic and deep, but oddly calming. You shrugged, hopping off the railing to have a proper conversation.

“Did Luminous tell you something? Look, I’m fine-“

“You know I’m here for you.” You scrunched your brows together, looking up at him. I mean it wasn’t a bad thing he said that, but it was just odd hearing that coming from his mouth. He was always stoic and cool headed, often saying somewhat awkward statements, but he was cool and elegant.

You never expected him to...Sympathize with you. You pursed your lips into an awkward grin, patting his shoulder.

“Johann, I appreciate it, but I’m fine-“

“It’s Black Swan Bay, isn’t it?” I blinked owlishly.

“I know you don’t talk about it very often, but it was a difficult time. I personally don’t know much about it. I just know that it was destroyed by a man named Bondarev.” My breath hitched in my throat, hearing his name. I wanted to throttle that man with every inch of my being.

“Yes. Yes it was. It was an unexpected attack, no one knew, we all trusted Herzog,” you whispered softly, your hands clenching tightly to the fabric of your bottoms. “And he lied to us! He was just using us! He was our father! And he lied!” You exclaimed, hands flailing as hot tears spilled from your eyes, Johann evidently taken aback. “I trusted him, Vera trusted him, Renata trusted him,” you sobbed, looking up at him. His face was blank, but in one smooth motion he pulled you into his chest, his arms wrapped around you tightly.

“Y/N...I’m sorry,” his voice was soft, gentle, as you cried into his chest, unable to hold back the flood of sobs. You could’ve saved them, you could’ve. But you failed. “You didn’t know. That’s okay. You cannot blame yourself for the actions of others.” You wiped your tears, staring up at him with a shaky smile.

“Jeez, I’m sorry for being so emotional.”

“It’s fine. How about we go get some pink lady drinks and just rest today? I’m sure we can get away with having a lazy day.” You chuckled, nodding and embraced him once more, squeezing him tightly.

“Thank you Johann.”

#dragon raja #johann chu #dr #mmorpg #mobile games #dragon raja johann

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beyond-far-horizons · 4 years

Text

Katara’s potential in LOK and importance of older female role-models in life and fiction

This was not meant to turn into a meta and yet has done! Just a disclaimer I’m still working my way through The Legend of Korra but have mostly been spoiled by reading some great analysis on here. So this isn’t meant to be a comprehensive take and also isn’t meant to disrespect the people who like Legend of Korra or this particular aspect of it. It’s just a subject very close to my heart and my work as a creative practitioner, student of psychology and media analyst, so I really wanted to discuss it.

Contains some spoilers esp for Season 1.

So I’m biting the bullet and getting into LoK despite reservations. I overall really loved Avatar the Last Airbender and Katara is one of my favourite characters. I admit one of my biggest issues with starting LoK was hearing how her character and agency were drastically reduced compared to the original series.

Now I know LoK gets a lot of flak for a variety of reasons and it was always going to be hard following such a beloved series as A:TLA and trying to do something different. However I’m actually enjoying certain aspects including Korra herself, despite the fact she can be bratty and immature at times (which squares with her age and upbringing). I also find the premise of the Equalists and especially their mysterious, terrifying leader Amon really interesting and I just wish the creators had done more with that plot line. (I forever seem to be going on about missed potential in the stories I consume!)

However the more I continue the more I’m annoyed because I realised we were robbed of Badass Grandma!Katara and also more matrilineal mentoring/bonding between her and Korra.

Spoilers but I wanted to see Katara go toe to toe with the villains esp give her being intimately connected to their history. I wanted to see her deal with the shadows of the past, the history of trauma associated with bloodbending and the Fire Nation and also the very intriguing points Season 1 was trying to make about the role of bender vs non-bender and the Avatar themselves. All things Katara was deeply involved with as someone who experienced inequality firsthand, fought relentlessly to abolish it and was the previous Avatar’s finder, teacher and later his wife.

Katara being Aang’s first mentor and implied to be Korra’s waterbendering tutor adds yet another dimension and potential to explore. That whole relationship must be strange for everyone involved but I’m always a sucker for female bonds, found family and intergenerational friendships.

I know LoK is about the new cast taking over - Tenzin fills the role of Korra’s mentor figure onscreen and is loved by many. There are lots of ways to tell a story and the creators focused on Korra’s issues with airbending to contrast her personality and development with Aang’s, as well as to flesh out Aang’s family and the rebuilding of the Air Nomads.

Yet I miss the potential of seeing wise fierce mentor!Katara on screen. We fans love callbacks, so seeing Katara in action as she used to be would be a joy, and older more powerful characters need not overshadow younger ones. For example Uncle Iroh was beloved and integral in A:TLA despite the fact we saw very little of his backstory. He didn’t take over Zuko’s journey, he aided and complemented it. Plus Toph gets her chance to shine.

There was so much to play with, especially in Season 1 (and would have been a nice reference to Aang meeting Katara first and then Zuko and Toph later). So much contrast between Katara’s experience with Hama, her thoughts about her mother, Gran Gran and the reintroduction of South Water Style. The trauma of bad parental/mentor relationships vs the good examples one can use to alchemise negative patterns that A:TLA was known for (see Iroh, Zuko and Ozai for reference). I don’t want to get too far into spoiler territory but all of this links back to Katara, Hama and Water Tribe and I would have loved to see a further exploration of that and a contrast between her loving bond and fear for Korra vs the villains’ and their education. This would have created more depth between Korra and Amon and co (and wow do I wish that dynamic was explored further - does she even know what happens to him??), and between Katara and Korra and their respective journeys to shoulder their burdens and mature as people and women.

Just think about all those juicy, angsty callbacks we could have done to Hama’s haunting episode! How Katara could have decided to be a better mentor than Hama was to her. (Katara was always a good mentor but if there was any issues in her relationship with Korra re Aang etc this could have been a good place for dramatic tension and resolution.) Of course for all we know this did happen but we don’t see it because we don’t get to see Katara’s training with Korra or much of Katara at all in LoK apart from her failing to heal Korra.

Plus I adore badass ladies and badass grandmas, I have loads in my original fiction. I love people defying stereotypes and sadly there is still a lack of stories not only depicting a range of female role-models but female mentoring and matrilineal bonding.

Read the incredible bestseller Women Who Run with the Wolves by Jungian analyst Clarissa Pinkola Estés if you want to learn more about the power of storytelling, myth and female hero journeys and initiation. A key part of that book is how women have been historically and psychologically undervalued and harmed by the prevailing culture for centuries. Also how it has broken matrilineal lines of wisdom and support and distorted cultural values of how girls and women (not to mention boys and men) view the Feminine. This leaks down into our modern day stories via inherited psychological conditioning and unexamined tropes.

For example - how many ‘wise old men’ figures can you think of in pop culture, myth, fairytale, religion? Quite a few I’d imagine. Now contrast that with the ‘wise old woman’ archetype...I guessing not as many. I’m sure you’ll find a few but I bet more often the words that come to mind are ‘witch’, ‘sorceress’, ‘crone’ etc.

The Fairy Godmother (I gave you that one for free;) ) is an exception but she is a watered down version of the powerful, ambivalent figures of folklore such as Baba Yaga. Trust me if the Yaga was your mentor, as she was to Vasalisa in the fairytale Vasalisa the Wise/the Beautiful, you ain’t coming out of that encounter with a crystal slipper, you’re coming out it with a burning skull that incinerates your enemies and I’d like to see that tale popularised!

As mentioned Katara did feature in Korra’s life as a support, a vague mentor figure and a healer - in fact she is the one that initiates Korra’s heroine journey by supporting her decision to leave the stifling confines of her compound, go to Republic City alone and learn airbending. She also offers emotional and medical support during Korra’s traumatic recovery later on in the series. But mostly Katara’s involvement is at the peripheries of The Legend of Korra except when she was failing to heal her.

This isn’t to say that comfort and softness in female relationships are lesser than battle prowess or mental fortitude. Or that failure always bad, it is human and can be a powerful narrative tool for character development. I’m not interested in the infallible ‘Strong Female Character’ stereotype and neither is Estés. Her book illustrates that the Feminine encapsulates all of these qualities and many more and looking at the original Katara she was a perfect example of that. She was empathetic, intelligent, powerful, fierce, devoted, flawed, playful, angry.

I guess what I’m saying is that I miss that Katara and I miss the opportunity of seeing Korra interact with and learn from that Katara, especially as they have so much in common in terms of shared history, powers, culture and even looks. I’m also missing the opportunity of seeing that Katara battle Amon and all the drama and backstory that could have ensued from those encounters! After all Katara took on her mother’s killer, Hama and the Fire Nation (including one angsty honour-obsessed Fire Prince and his powerful sister), you’re telling me she would have just let Korra, her family and friends be in grave danger in the name of ‘leaving it to the kids’ ESPECIALLY since her own history turned out to be so deeply connected to all of this? Nah...

It’s important for girls* to see a range of wholesome female characters and dynamics play out in their media from an early age, especially to rework and combat the historic negative tropes that our culture is still steeped in. It’s also important to address the devaluing of the elderly, in particular elderly women. The Legend of Korra does in fact build on this from Avatar the Last Airbender by having an even greater range of capable women and girls across ages and morality spectrum. Korra herself (who I’m liking a lot more than I thought I would), is a real stereotype breaker. Toph I’ve heard fulfils the ‘wise old (crotchy) woman’ archetype later in the series. I just wish, given how much I adore A:TLA’s Katara, that we could have seen her shine in an elder role too.

(*I use terms like ‘girls’, ‘woman/women’ and ‘feminine’. I mean these to also include a broad interpretation of the Feminine than just the hetero/cis-normative one, but sometimes it helps when critiquing something to narrow things down esp something so already psychologically complex in a simple meta.)

#katara #legend of korra #lok #atla #pro katara #my meta #meta #my writing #jungian psychology #korra #amon #feminism #storytelling #avatar the last airbender #I just wanna see Katara fight Amon damn it I don't care who wins as long as it's a MASSIVE fight #also want to see either Katara save Korra or Korra save Katara #and some proper bonding and badass tuition #and then dunno waterbenders both hero and villain learn and grow and rebuild the Tribe

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soft-sunflower · 4 years

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Flower of Evil Thoughts- Episode 12: Part 1

Okay, just when I think these episodes can't get any better than the last, I get CONTINUOUSLY proven wrong! How is this show SO amazing!? Okay, let's start with the recap and my thoughts.

WOW this episode really started off with a bang, didn't it?? I was floored how crazy unmother found out the real Heeseong, her real son, was a serial killer. I was legit creeped out by the fact that he kept commemorative photos of his kidnappings and killings, but what really fucked me up was the fact that he kept their fingernails. So NOW we know where the other sets of fingernails went... I guess Do Minseok kept the ones on the right hands and Heeseong kept the ones on the left hand. Just ughhh ewwww. This is seriously so disgusting. That really grossed me out. So, was unmother going to commit suicide? She held a blade to her wrist and then she looks out the window, and what does she see?? Heeseong... trying to bury a body in the rain. I mean what even??? This whole family has upped the evil factor. If there's any flower of evil blossoming? It's the Baek family.

And who's body is it!? None other than Do Hyunsoo! The man he just hit with his car! I mean REALLY!? He was going to legit BURY Hyunsoo alive??? This guy is the psychopath, this guy is the batshit crazy one, this guy is the serial killer. NOT Hyunsoo. It's kinda funny, I was talking to my husband and I said. "Well, the synopsis sorta got it right. Heeseong is definitely a serial killer, only it's the REAL Heeseong and not the fake Heeseong, which is Hyunsoo." We both were like "Yep. Heeseong IS a serial killer and did it right along with Do Minseok." Funny, that.

He’s so casual like “Oh don’t mind me. Just gonna bury this man I hit with my car alive. Go back inside.” So, ole Mommie Dearest over here goes all feral on her serial killer son and straight up stabs his ass declaring she’s scared of him. You know what, lady? I am too. He’s kinda terrifying. I swear if you gave that boy an axe and told him to go chop wood, he'd turn it around and do a Lizzie Borden on your ass. This family as a whole is a complete whack job.

Oooookay so we're back in the present now, and what do we have here??? Heeseong. Sitting up in his chair and guess what he's doing. SPEAKING. NORMALLY. None of that "I just got out of a coma and I'm slow" speech he'd been doing since last week. Yeeeeah I knew his bullshit he was pulling was a whole-ass act. Okay, so last week, when I saw the preview at the end of Ep 11 and they were all screaming about finding a buried body? I had a theory that it was going to be the maid's body they find, considering the way the crazy mother was freaking at out her wanting to know what all she knew. Now you have Heeseong being threatening with this lady. I'm getting death flags everywhere for her.

Oh look... creepy hospital trash dad is deep the blood cleaning Heeseong's car, phone rings and there we got trafficker man, Yeom Sangchul. Soooo, Heeseong owed him money and dad paid him off to cover his son's ass??? DUDE. What is WRONG with this family!? What is WRONG with these people!? They're legit messed tf up! And can they STOP trying to "take care of" Hyunsoo already?? The constant putting out a hit on him is getting frustrating. "Either Hyunsoo lives or we do." UM. You both are TWISTED old FUCKS who don't deserve life after all the crap you've pulled. Hyunsoo deserves life. He's more human than all of you. You don't, if that's how it's going to be. I'd love to watch them rot in prison.

YAY!!! There's our couple!!! Coming out of Hyunsoo's shop looking like a legit BADASS power couple!!! YASSSSSSSSS!!! And... what's this??? What?? Detective Choi wants a cup of coffee??? Weird... it almost seemed as if Jiwon WAS expecting some kind of Swat team out there to arrest her husband. Jiwon looks confused on what's happening, Hyunsoo is just quietly accepting it all. And when they go inside and Sunbae almost appears, reluctant and hesitant. He even thanks Hyunsoo for being the informant, which I did NOT expect. I knew there was a reason why I liked him from the start. He's redeeming himself.

Haesoo is really stunned over the fact that Jiwon knows the truth about Hyunsoo and who he is. And of course she's in a panic because she believes her brother left and so now would be the perfect time to turn herself in. Moojin tries his hardest to stop her, because obviousy he doesn't want to see her go to jail, but he's gotta stop being so pushy...

Sunbae has a great personality, but when he starts questioning Hyunsoo over the murder he doesn't waver. Hyunsoo straight up tells him he had no motive for murdering the village head, unlike Jiwon who's crying out that he didn't do it. That's right. Because he DID NOT. The look that the husband and wife give each other, Jiwon just looks stricken by the fact that after what they went through last night, Hyunsoo still won't tell the truth. That he was not the one who murdered the village head. Hyunsoo just looks at his wife calmly. His expression is unreadable. He may have just been silently pleading with her to please respect his wishes. This is what he wants. He doesn't want this for his sister.

Oh, Noona... not only was Hyunsoo's past so incredibly traumatic for him, but it was for you too. You've been deeply affected by this because of your overwhelming love for your brother and it's precious. It really is. It's heartbreaking watching him get thrown into repeated exorcisms at such a young age for something that was never even wrong with him. ALL of the adults in his life FAILED HIM. His father, the therapist, the villagers, and even his only friend along with his pack of cronies. They BRAINWASHED him into believing he was a bad person just like his father was, and it's HEARTBREAKING. It's so utterly HEARTBREAKING. I LOVE how strong-willed Noona delcaring she doesn't feel sorry for killing the old bastard who put this poor child through all of this.

They threw things at him, beat him, hurt him... And when they cut to Hyunsoo after being beaten, he just looks dead inside... it's so devastating knowing that they forced him into believing he was being possessed by his father's ghost, to the point that he saw his father's ghost. Now, maybe he really DID see his ghost, but the fact that he was so brainwashed into believing these things? My heart literally ACHES for Hyunsoo... Noona is right. Moojin is NO better. He turned his back on Hyunsoo when he needed him most. Tied him a tree, beat the crap out of him, stoned him. And every single person in that town FAILED Hyunsoo. Hyunsoo was the only real HUMAN out of all of them. And that is SO DEVASTATINGLY HEARTBREAKING. Because he was so unjustly and unfairly FAILED by people he needed most, EXCEPT for Noona.

Okay, Sunbae knows something is going on. He knows that Hyunsoo claiming he killed the old man and how easily the weapon was found was just TOO convenient. He knows. NOW, I'm DYING to know who this one another witness was that said Hyunsoo wasn't a bad person? Was it Noona? Was it someone else? Because every single person in that village ostracized him, that we know of, asides from Haesoo. So what gives??? I want to know who it was... I'm just gonna place a bet that it was Haesoo who had her brother's back because she was the only one who ever did.

Oh.. oh Sunbae... you are 100% and fully fledged redeemed. REDEEMED. Don't imprison an INNOCENT man!!! I think he KNOWS Hyunsoo is innocent, and the look on Hyunsoo's face... he knows the Hyunsoo and Haesoo's childhood tragedy. My heart just twisted. Sunbae. T_T Sorry, but the fact that Sunbae is letting him go, simply by saying he isn't interested in Do Hyunsoo anymore, and that Do Hyunsoo is a good person... I swear I had tears in my eyes because of the hope in theirs!!! I was smiling and had tears in my eyes just like Jiwon because FINALLY!!! He can live his life, he can be with his family, he can love his wife openly and happily, he can raise his daughter with no fear, and... wait, hold up... it's too damn happy. Way too happy. Something bad is going to happen... I can feel it. Yep. Something is coming to literally fuck up their happiness and it's stressful. It really is.

OH GOD this SCENE. This next scene!!! I cried during this scene. I found myself sobbing because of the pure innocence of this scene alone. Our precious baby girl, Eunha!!! She's back!! And she's running and crying in his father's arms... You can already see the emotion on his face as he stoops down for his baby, and he's crying too... It's like years upon years of all these emotions that were built up and hidden behind iron walls are spilling out of him now that the floodgates have burst. Like he just can't help itself, and it's a beautiful thing. It's so good for him, it's cathartic and just what he's needed for so so long. All the years he spent locked behind that wall, believing he was something he wasn't, it's all been set free. He can FEEL. And he show what he's feeling without being told otherwise. He's free to love.

"Daddy! I missed you so so so much!!"

Oh, little sweetie, he did too. He really did. So very much. All the years he's spent watching you grow and raising you, all of those memories and feelings for you, you precious little angel, are welling up inside of him and bursting out of him, on top of the fact that he doesn't have to say goodbye to his baby girl simply due to the fact that he's Do Hyunsoo. That's why he's crying. From the day she was born, to each one of her milestones and young triumphs throughout her life are so important because he sees it all so differently now. When Jiwon't mother says "She acts like they've been separated for years" and Jiwon remains quiet? Because in a sense, they have. Sure, he's seen Eunha almost every single day of her life, but he hasn't really SEEN her til now because he had a heavy, dark veil covering the eyes of his heart.

He's seeing Eunha for the first time and feeling her with his heart, and i find that so overwhelmingly beautiful. Jiwon assures her mother that it's nothing when she worriedly asks what's wrong, that she's never seen him like this before. And Jiwon just tearfully smiles so gently and so softly at her precious family while they cry and embrace because she loves them so much. It's sweet how Jiwon's mother is concerned for them though lol. I wonder if she'll find out...? And how ADORABLE was it when Eunha told her daddy not to cry again because he misses her? She's such a precious little angel and such a good little girl. His kiss on her forehead was the sweetest thing too. What REALLY made me melt in tears was the fact that Hyunsoo says:

"Eunha-ya, daddy loves you a lot."

And Eunha's arm heart... just... GOSH. T____T And even though she tells her daddy not to cry, you can see him tearing up again as he waves bye bye to his little girl off to preschool. It's so beautiful and refreshing to see him finally finding his emotions and finding his feelings and expressing them so honestly. And his little kiss on her forehead. Just end me. I can’t get over how precious the moments these two share truly are. It’s beautiful. ♥

Wooooowwww, so Jiwon was planning on quitting her job as a police officer??? But here we have Sunbae trying to encourage her to seriously think about this decision, because he's right. Giving up a job like that could have a huge affect on her entire life. And to get to work and work like crazy because they're mad busy lol. Ah, Sunbae.

And I just can't get over Hyunsoo and Jiwon's love. I really can't. I love how holds her hand and strokes it gently with his thumb. She asks "What were you thinking about in front of the store earlier?" And BAM! I was right! He was remembering the very first time he ever held Eunha. I'm sure he probably wanted to cry the first time he held her because his heart was likely overwhelmed with all sorts of feelings, but he didn't know how and he couldn't figure them out. And then he says when he met Jiwon, every single moment of his life was filled with first times and I just... I can't... Jiwon has been the most beautiful, welcoming, warming and positive force in his life. If it weren't for her, he may not have ever began his healing process from years upon years of trauma. I love the focus on their hands. I really do. Almost like he didn't want to let her go back to work, and even asking her if she'll be alright. Hyunsoo, you are such a wonderful husband to her. Goodness.

I do love how when Jiwon entered her workroom and the police chief snapped at her, Sunbae was quick to step up with the continued story of Eunha was sick and he sent her home, so she's not been made aware of the situation, which is half-true. Jiwon had NO idea that Yeom Sangchul busted loose and is on the run. Now, here's something interesting...

"How's your kid? Who's sick? Your first or second?"

WAIT... now why are they making it a point to show that Jiwon only has one child right now??? Is there... is that foreshadowing?? Could there maybe be a chance that Eunha might get a brother or sister in the future??? Or is that just my wishful thinking and overthinking it because the police chief just doesn't know enough about her as a person and that's what they're showing us? Hmmm... Well, here's hoping we get that happy ending with Jiwon pregnant and them having a new baby! *fingers crossed* lol Sorry. Just some Hyunsoo/Jiwon fanwishes. Anyway... I got a good chuckle out of the chief trying to cover his ass by passing out energy drink packets and of course Sunbae being his hilariously greedy self with wanting two and talking about the chief being cheap HAH! I laughed. And then Sunbae gets a call from Hyunsoo... WHAT!? What is going on now??? Wanting to talk where Jiwon can't hear?

So, Hyunsoo is still sitting at the front gate in his car and he's thinking back to something Yeom Sangchul said. "Think hard about it. Whom did you tell this secret to? Who do you think ratted you out to me?" Ooooo, I think Hyunsoo's onto something, though. I get why he doesn't want Jiwon to know, but hasn't he learned his lesson yet? Honey, things go south when you keep secrets from your wife. She's also a police officer. You do realize that, right? And she's a badass one at that. I get you're protecting her from knowing that someone is out to get you, but you gotta tread carefully love... you don't want to break trust between the two of you. You need her trust now more than anything.

Oh look, there's human trafficking trash man eating and the equal trash son laying in bed watching the news on his tablet. And her comes trash mom. Is he really still going to continue pulling off that whole fake slow talk "I just got out of a coma. Feel pity for me" crap? Please. We know he can speak just fine considering he did it earlier with the housemaid. Can he spare me the innocence? And why does he still seem to have himself convinced that Hyunsoo is going to kill him?? Hell, if anything, Hyunsoo will just want to help catch his ass and have him thrown in prison for the disgusting stuff Do Minseok did with him.

So, Moojin is going to play the noble idiot again once more for Haesoo by looking for Hyunsoo? Well, you don't gotta look too far, bro. He's a lot closer than you think. Also, the more I think about it, the more I'm with Moojin. Not because my heart is shriveling over him telling Noona to stop saying she'll turn herself in, but I agree. Sunbae let Hyunsoo go saying he has no interest in him anymore. If Noona goes to the police station now and outright admits to killing the village head all those years ago, there's also a chance that they'll all find out that Jiwon's husband is Do Hyunsoo. Sunbae might be willing to overlook that fact, but that doesn't mean the others will.

Side note, but Moojin, why do you think you deserve a SHRED of care from Haesoo after the shit you've pulled? Sorry but that got on my nerves. Stop comparing yourself to Hyunsoo and your importance to Noona. Hyunsoo is her little BROTHER. He's family. There's a HUGE difference. Jeez, Moojin. Stop being so pushy and clingy. She doesn't WANT to go home. She WANTS to go to the police station. You have no right to tell the driver where to send her. Ugh he's so frustrating sometimes. I have such mixed feelings about him.

Alright, so Hyunsoo and Sunbae are at a cafe now talking about the fact that Hyunsoo has a pretty good idea of who's put a hit out on him. That he'll give Yeom Sangchul a shit ton of money to kill him. And it flashes back to trash dad trying to talk Hyunsoo into leaving if he gives him 10 times the amount. WHY can't these people just leave him alone?? For fuck sake. Hyunsoo states it's just an assumption, but we know he's not wrong and he won't tell Sunbae who thinks the person is til he can confirm it for himself with Sunbae's help. This treading into some very dangerous waters.

Moojin, good grief why do you keep bothering her? We're all well aware you like Haesoo, but she isn't interested in a relationship with you or anyone else. She's at the police station, and it's kind of sad because she believes that Moojin is all Hyunsoo has left. She shows up and just about outs herself when Jiwon smoothly covers it up by claiming she's here to identify the human trafficking victims since it's connected to her father's serial killings.

Okay, so... I LOVE this scene. I LOVE their discussion on the rooftop. It's excellent because it's just what Haesoo needs to hear, no matter how harsh Jiwon came across, it was necessary. Haesoo wastes no time in admitting that she knows Jiwon knows everything, and that Hyunsoo had a very justifiable reason for living as Baek Heeseong. I do love how protective she is over her brother, and yet again, she admits to Jiwon that she killed the village foreman and not Hyunsoo. Haesoo, no... she does not think her husband is a dangerous person because they just spent the night before talking about literally everything. Hyunsoo told her everything he could possibly think of. Jiwon loves him unconditionally. She does not think her husband dangerous for a moment.

"Haesoo, Hyunsoo is no longer a little boy that you need to look after. He's the father of my child. He's my family. He's my person. Now, he has a wife who will stand by his side... no matter what happens. He told me his sister is a very kind person. Whenever something bad happened when he was young, he was always the first to be suspected. He told me you always went around telling people he's innocent. He didn't care what other people thought, but you were always the one who cried and felt upset about it. Because you're so kind, he thought you wouldn't be able to endure other people's criticisms. That's why he took the blame. He didn't care what other people thought about him. If you turn yourself in, he'll no longer be a wanted criminal. But he'll feel guilty and indebted to you for the rest of his life. I don't want that. So... please respect your brother's decision. And... you should be the one to feel guilty instead."

"I'm horrible, aren't I?" No, Jiwon. You are not. I won't lie, your words were harsh, but they had to be said. This was totally necessary. They absolutely had to be, because Haesoo needed to understand and know the importance in all of this. She needed to know that her brother is not alone. That he has a loving wife and family to stay by his side. Jiwon tells her that what they talked about today is that if Haesoo recognized any of the victims in regards to her father's crimes and that is supposed to say no. Noona cries and thanks Jiwon for trusting Hyunsoo. Because it's what he needs. A wife to love him, trust him and help him. Haesoo tells Jiwon that while she's still alive, she'll do everything she can to repay her... while she's still alive?? Is anyone else getting possible death flags from Noona...? I'm worried. Really worried about her. Like it has me nervous. If something happens to her after everything Hyunsoo did for her... I just don't even want to think about it.

#flower of evil #lee joon gi #moon chae won #do hyun soo #cha ji won #baek eun ha #lee joongi #moon chaewon #lee junki #lee jun ki #do hyunsoo #cha jiwon #baek heeseong #jang heejin #flower of evil episode 12 thoughts

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heyitsmirae · 4 years

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Gaming buddy headcanons (A3!)

Hi~! These are just random drabbles off the top of my head as I just can’t seem to focus on my work today, which is why I decided to jot these HCs down before I forget or procrastinate again (〃▽〃)

Itaru Chigasaki

Whenever you and Itaru have a gaming night scheduled, he is just itching to leave work early to prep

He does a Monster energy drink / Redbull, iced coffee, potato chips and chinese take-out shopping side trip before returning to the dorm

"Let's have a successful raid today!" you both say to one another while saluting

The rest of MANKAI company know better than to pass by Room 103 on a gaming night

Sakuya accidentally forgot once and was traumatized for life when he approached Room 103 hoping to ask Itaru for help in his history homework without knowing you were in the room, too

"Ano, Itaru-san, excuse me, I need your help with someth-"

*cue you screaming in rage after dying for the nth time*

Poor Sakuya still recounts this experience with a shudder as he tells the story to Taichi

You both don't always play the rage games tho

On chill nights, both of you play Animal Crossing or Stardew Valley co-op just to chill in the virtual world

It's on these chill nights that Omi would knock on the door and give you both the dinner he set aside for you, to which you and Itaru would thank him profusely for being the mom that he is being so kind and considerate

You end up conking out in his room during gaming nights since you usually end up playing until the wee hours of the morning (much to Masumi and Sakyo’s chagrin)

He’s a perfect gentleman though, that’s why you feel completely safe around him even though you’re both single adults sleeping together (read: SLEEP as in literally sleep stop thinking the other meaning u dirty hoe)

Itaru is the first person you want to tell about the latest game in the app store or about an upcoming game to be released for the console or PC, and vice versa

Your LIME DMs with him are full of news about soon to be released games or discussions about tactics for the limited time events in the common games you play

“Taruchi, did you know that XXX company is releasing a sequel to XXX, the one that we played last week? (*≧▽≦) Kyaa! I can’t wait~”

Speaking of that nickname, YOU coined that one together during that one time he wanted to make another character from his main one in order to crush NEO (ahem, Banri, ahem)

“Seriously, Y/N, I don’t know what to name this character. Got any ideas?”

“Hmm.. Itaru Chigasaki, Itaru, Taru, Chigasaki, Taru..chi? How about Taruchi? It sounds cute!”

“Tsk, people will think it’s a girl’s account then, the way it sounds. Eh, who cares. You came up with it, take responsibility for it. I was planning to use a female avatar anyway.”

You are both admins to the wikia pages of the games you both enjoy playing

You sometimes ask his help for answers in the otome games you’re playing, to which his choices get you the wrong or Bad End (´д｀)

He gets a little jealous when you go kya kya at otome game characters, actually grabbing your Switch one time and staring at the character you were squealing at

“Pffssh, he doesn’t even look that handsome. Have some standards, you otome trash lady. What’s with the fake perm and hipster clothing. You have got to be kidding me. Who’s the character designer of this?”

“Excusez-moi, but the character designer is the famous XXX, thank you very much. And don’t diss my husbando, go stick to your own overly-large boobies waifus. Shoo, shoo!”

You always thank the gaming gods for sending Itaru in your life because you could not imagine getting through life without a gaming buddy like him

Banri Settsu

Playing video games with this man can go either way

You can either really enjoy playing with him, or get really pissed off when he keeps winning easily

His skills are top-notch, which makes him an ideal raid partner on co-op games like Monster Hunter

Just don’t think you can win against him when it’s 1v1, because boy you will be crushed

Unless he lets you win, which usually happens when he sees that you look like you’re about to cry after being beaten in Super Smash Bros for the nth time

“Oi, Y/N, it’s just a stupid game. Don’t think much about it, okay? Let’s do one more round.”

He doesn’t own a console or PC, so gaming dates are usually done in arcades

He is crazily athletic too, so you can kiss your DDR (dance dance revo) winning streak bye

Don’t even think of challenging him to play Tekken, because unless he’s feeling magnanimous, you will lose

On his birthday, you and the rest of MANKAI company pooled your money to get him a Nintendo Switch (yes, even Juza lol)

For the first time in his life, he is struck speechless (༎ຶ⌑༎ຶ)

It’s not like he’s poor or something, but the gesture moved him so deeply that he was strangely docile for a few hours

“Ne, Banri, you have a Switch now. Let’s play something!”

VICTORY / YOU WIN

You take advantage of his new docile state and challenge him to a 1v1 game where you actually win lol

But he snaps out of it and starts crushing you again (that was fun while it lasted ┐(´～｀)┌ )

Playing an otome game beside him will ensure that you get the Good End of your favorite husbando

“I’m not sure what to answer here. What do you think, Banri?”

“Huh? Lemme see. Hmm. The first option seems good to me.”

After shedding a tear or two for the Good End you just watched, you thank the otome gaming gods and Banri’s super easy mode for helping you complete your husbando’s route and collect all the event images

Unlike Itaru who loses all sense of time and his surroundings when in the “Zone”, Banri is still incredibly thoughtful especially when you set up gaming night sesh with him

He knows that like Itaru, you are prone to binge on junk food and forego sleep to grind for a good armor or weapon

“Y/N, it’s already past midnight. Don’t you think we should call it a night?”

He is easily riled up, especially when he senses that he’s being compared or challenged (this is the main reason why Juza pisses him off so much)

“What, are you chicken? Itaru-san doesn’t give up to the clock just to sleep instead of grind for the limited XXX armor set.”

Aaaand you both end up sleeping on the couch at 5am after a long, grueling night of dungeon diving

*cue Sakyo finding you both asleep on the couch in the morning*

Hope you enjoyed reading! Look forward to more A3! drabbles in the near future~ （＾ω＾）

#A3! Act! Addict! Actors!#A3!#MANKAI company #mankai a3!#Itaru Chigasaki #Banri Settsu #Spring Troupe #Autumn Troupe #headcanons #heyitsmirae headcanons #heyitsmirae #gaming headcanons #videogame headcanons #A3! headcanons

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dadsbongos · 4 years

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Hargreeves Kids in Order of Their Problems (and do i have a problem?)

No secret that the Hargreeves children are all fucked up, but as I was re-watching I was like damn - what if we ranked them? So here we go, I’m ranking all the Hargreeves’ spawn by their pain; taking into account their trauma with and without Reginald (mostly for Five/Klaus) and how bad it messed them up. I’ll be sticking mostly to the first season because that’s where a lot of the meat is, but I might include a tiny peek into season two.

Also, I will be directly addressing the frequent question I ask myself “Am I attracted to trauma when it comes to characters?” by looking at my favorites and if they’re all deeply scarred.

S Tier Pain - Five Hargreeves:

Not only was he forced to endure Reginald’s abusive training regime (at least until the haha moment), but he also got stuck in the future after a miscalculated time jump. You’d think that’d be bad enough, what with no longer being able to see your family, but no. Well, technically he did see them when he found their dead bodies but that’s just more to Five’s suffering. He also got jammed into a post-Apocalyptic life where he was the sole survivor and had to live all on his own (though he had Dolores, which is a whole can of sad, loneliness worms we don’t have time for). Then to make matters worse he was taken into the Commission where he was turned into as assassin for years, to which he quit early to save his family from the Apocalypse. After the first one - yes, the first - and arriving in the 60s, Five got to see a glimpse of his siblings dying to the second one. All he ever does is for his family’s survival, even if it means his misery. In season one (and two) he makes a deal with the Handler, who he can’t stand, just to

maybe

ensure she’ll protect his loved ones from the end of the world. He willingly works with a woman he hates and likely doesn’t trust so his family would be safe. And who could forget that redheaded lady in the bowling alley, like gosh, she really ruined his life by assuming his age like that... poor guy.

A Tier Pain - Klaus Hargreeves:

Unlike Five, he got to stick around for the entirety of Reggie’s cuck ways of abusing his kids physically/emotionally/mentally. From a young age (if that episode two lunch scene is anything), Klaus has been using drugs as a way to cope with his family life and his power. His addiction has led to a rather sad life, as evident from the first episode and some of his own dialogue - he’s not used to staying in one place, if anything his visits to rehab centers are the longest homes he really has. He’s not expected to stay sober long by the counter employee, indicating he’s been there before multiple times. When talking to Five outside of the prosthetic department, he outright admits he hasn’t been with someone for longer than about two weeks. He’s never shown to even hold down a job unless you count supplying local pawn shops - or, you know, the army. He served in war, straight up war, he likely has PTSD and to make things better, note the sarcasm, he lost his boyfriend in that war. Dave, the one person he’s described as loving more than he does himself. Klaus is constantly brushed under the rug as this crazy, attention-seeking junkie for most of season one by his family, but he’s more likely just calling for the help he clearly needs. Speaking of his family, I just wanna throw in that Klaus was kidnapped and tortured and not one person seemed to notice or even care.

B Tier Pain - Vanya Hargreeves:

Neglected by her adoptive father and siblings her entire life, Vanya was left out of the loop of even her own powers until she discovered them fucking decades later. She wrote a book trying to air out her father’s awful deeds and rather than finding solidarity with their shared agony at least a little, her siblings pushed her even further away. Quick mention, during the argument on whether or not to turn off Grace, she was immediately shut down on an opinion until she was shown to agree with Diego. Her vote didn’t matter until she sided with another sibling. Vanya grew up so starved for attention and love that when she got into her first relationship with Leonard (that bitchy murderer) she mistook it for a real love. Stayed with an abusive, gaslighting killer against all her sister’s warnings. She was betrayed by her own brother (fuck Luther, me and the homies hate Luther) after coming home, sobbing and pleading forgiveness, just wanting to help into being locked back in that vault Reginald used to keep her in. Vanya snapped, felt there was no other outlet and truly there possibly wasn’t for her, and ended the world. She was in so much pain, so angry with her life and how it was ruined by her own family that she blew up the moon. And honestly? I’m not even mad at her for it.

C Tier Pain - Diego Hargreeves:

Dude found his ex-girlfriend’s - and probably his potential love interest’s - corpse. He’s aching inside at least a bit. His spot as Number Two fueled a deep need to prove himself, whether he admits it or not, it’s why he’s a vigilante. Diego functions off of stopping crime and it’s only different from his childhood because he does it alone. He feels the need to validate what he went through, as if his suffering needs to be explained in some way. Speaking of childhoods, who gives them to us? Moms. Grace is his robo-Mom with no real sentience (well, before Cha-Cha and Hazel raided the place anyway, reboot Grace has some weird independence complex going on). She read to him, put him to bed, and fed his Mama’s Boy fixation - even going as far as to help Diego with his stutter. He put her down, in the robot sense. Diego was the first person to speak against shutting Grace down and yet he did so himself - knowing it’s what had to happen.

D Tier Pain - Ben Hargreeves:

He’s dead, so I’m not sure what he’s gone through other than having “The Horror” in his stomach and Reginald as a dad. So there’s not much to say about his trauma other than having to sit through watching people die horribly by his power’s hand. But again, he’s dead, and dying is one of the most traumatic things I can think of. That’s why he’s higher than the others but still lower than the previous four Hargreeves’ kids.

E Tier Pain - Allison Hargreeves:

She’s known as a “Daddy’s Girl” how that’s possible with Reginald, I’m not sure, but she is. Not to excuse any of the torment she got as a child or give the abuse a pass, at all. It’s just an inference that as Number Three and someone who easily got what she wanted with her power, she probably didn’t feel out-casted like Vanya. Nor was she left to survive on her own and then kill to live like Five. Allison, in all fairness, was viciously attacked by her sister after revealing she “Rumored” her memory away. Unlike Ben, she survived and went on to be the peaceful one of the family and her power didn’t directly kill, especially in ways that “The Horror” did. So I must rank her pain lower with a sad bob in my throat, nervous that all the Allison lovers will scream at/cancel me for putting her at E.

F Tier Pain - Luther Hargreeves:

Fuck Luther, me and the homies hate Luther. This little fuck found something out of proving himself to his father. So far up his dad’s ass that he was cool with being a monkey space boy for years until he realized Reginald didn’t give a shit about him. And honestly? Same. No but really, he did become a monkey man purely out of Reginald’s need for a hero to do what he said - and Luther couldn’t fill that if he was dead. I do recognize that his life was essentially wasted by his years spent on the moon, blindly following Dad’s orders but to be honest, he’s too in the background. He had nothing other than his father and therefore lost nothing other than his family, it’s hard to feel bad when you know he had no intention of doing anything other than be by Reginald. No plans unlike Klaus who had his life decimated by his drugs dependency or fuck, Five! Five had absolutely no life other than living through the Apocalypse for decades. Overall, I hate Luther but even though I can’t stand his gorilla guts, I do recognize that he has trauma.

~~~Do I Have A Problem?~~~ Considering that Five and Klaus are my favorite characters and they are the most traumatized? Yes, I am unnecessarily in love with characters in pain. I didn’t want to be a mannequin before I knew about Five, and now I crave to morph into Dolores (or at least combine with her like a Power Ranger)

#the umbrella academy #tua #number five #five hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #diego hargreeves #ben hargreeves #allison hargreeves #luther hargreeves #five the umbrella academy #klaus the umbrella academy #vanya the umbrella academy #diego the umbrella academy #ben the umbrella academy #allison the umbrella academy #anti luther hargreeves #fuck monky space boy

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holdvns · 4 years

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hi friends ! i’m farah nd im coming at u live frm the pst timezone to bring u a new muse of mine. so excuse me as i ramble abt holden under the cut. like this post and i will come bother u for plots?? that or u can im me on here or on my discord (farah#1263), whatever works rlly! anyways, super stoked to be here and to get to write with u all!!!!

(TOBY WALLACE, CIS MALE) - Have you seen HOLDEN DONAHUE? HOLDEN is in HIS JUNIOR year. The PHILOSOPHY MAJOR is 21 years old & is a TAURUS. People say HE is QUICK-WITTED, DARING, IRREVERENT and DETACHED. Rumors say they’re a member of CALLOWAY SOCIETY. I heard from the gossip blog that HIS FATHER PAID OFF THE SCHOOL TO CHANGE HIS GRADES AFTER HE FAILED FOUR CLASSES LAST SEMESTER FROM NEVER SHOWING UP. (FARAH. 22. PST. SHE/HER.)

pinterest board / tag

holden grew up between upstate new york and manhattan in an extremely wealthy family. from the outside, his family had the appearance of perfection, but underneath that facade lay years of shocking and hidden family secrets that one way or another got out into society, even if his family tried to put them down as merely rumors.

his father is a highly respected but also deeply feared business man/media magnate known for his cutthroat attitude in his business dealings and personal relationships. he had an extremely difficult childhood, having been orphaned at a young age and passed from relative to relative around europe, many of whom were not very kind to him. still, he was incredibly intelligent and wanted to make something of himself, having this belief in the american dream and wanting to move there if he ever got the chance. after attending college on a scholarship, he was able to use his connections and move to new york, where he founded his own start-up that eventually led to him building his own personal fortune.

his mother was very much a hustler. she grew up poor in new york and at an early age, learned how to use her good looks to manipulate men for the finer things in life. she had a short stint as a model before she met holden’s father, charming him enough to call it quits with his first wife. underneath her obvious beauty, however, was a fiery temper and substance abuse problem. the thing about her was that she really wasn’t made to be a wife and mother. holden’s father thought he could turn her into this perfect socialite/housewife (marrying her and then proceeding to have his older brother, cal, and holden in a very short span of time), but the task proved impossible. she was always only looking out for herself and didn’t enjoy being tied down, certainly not with kids to take care of despite the nannies his father provided. they fought constantly, and their home life was extremely unstable. it was a normal occurrence for holden to see his mother being dragged off to an institution by his father’s security guards or for his mother to use him and his brother as bait to get his father to give her money for drugs, to leave him, or sometimes just to try and get back with him.

eventually, she finally did leave, having told holden and his brother the three of them were moving to los angeles, but leaving without them and dying of a drug overdose shortly after. holden was about six at the time and thinks he has successfully hidden this entire episode from his memory, but it’s definitely something that affects him whether he likes it or not.

although his family claims this was merely just a rumor, it was often said that there was some foul play behind her death and that his father had some involvement, not wanting her to ever leave him and move on with her life. while holden deep down may admit that this could be the case, it’s never something he would really say.

at this point, his father rarely talks about his mother and when he has, he has poisoned her memory so much, holden feels like he never really had one. when he was younger, he’d often make up stories about her in his head, which were far different than who she actually was. it helped at the time, but after a while it was easier to just forget her altogether.

while his father cares deeply for his children and has provided them a life of ease and luxury, he’s certainly not innocent in all of this mess. he’s extremely manipulative and often psychologically traumatizing to them as well. he often finds his children to be lazy and ungrateful and resents the way they’ve been raised (even though it was his own doing), while he suffered from poverty and abuse in his own childhood. he often pits the two of them against each other, always trying to see who’s the stronger, smartest, who will do whatever it takes to be the best, especially because there’s always talk about who’s going to be the one to be the one who’s going to take over when he retires. it is usually said to be his older brother, because it’s no secret that he’s his father’s favorite.

because of this, holden and his brother never really got along. or so it seems. they did when they were younger, but their hatred runs so deep that the even thought of that feels like a distant reality. they’re only two years apart, but they couldn’t be more different. while his brother is a complete perfectionist and will do just about anything to please his father, holden gave up on that idea along time ago. it didn’t matter what he did, he never seemed to be able to measure up against his brother. maybe it was because he was younger, maybe it was because he was more sensitive and seemed to feel things at a deeper level, maybe it was because he wasn’t as competitive, or maybe there was no explanation why his father simply liked cal better. holden’s never seemed to figure out. he’s always felt like the screwup of the family, so eventually that’s what he became.

he started drinking and using drugs at an early age, basically trying anything to mask his pain and trauma. while his brother excelled academically and in sports in high school, holden never applied himself. he fell in with the wrong crowd and gave up his spot on the football team to run around the streets of new york and engage in all kinds of debauchery. it was common for him to disappear for days on end, spending his father’s money and racking up drug and gambling debts. obviously his father wasn’t happy about this and would constantly remind him of that, but he didn’t exactly do anything to stop him either. if this was a cry for help or attention, it didn’t exactly have the desired effect and only left holden feeling empty.

he started dating this older hippie girl who was in college while he was a senior in high school who influenced him to want to detach from his family and money and the crowd he was running in. he kind of... took it to the extreme and started talking like timothee chalamet in lady bird lmao, even though he reeked of privilege. honestly, it was just another way to annoy his father and brother, which was always his goal at the time. they ended up breaking up because he cheated on her, but he kept some of her ideas and mindset afterwards.

after high school, he wasn’t really sure what he wanted to do. so he ran off to europe for a year and didn’t talk to anyone from home. just traveled around by himself with little money and getting into all kinds of trouble. he probably would’ve stayed longer, but one morning he came across an american newspaper while he was in greece reporting on how his father had suffered a heart attack. he rushed back to the states and luckily his father has survived, but in that moment of weakness he manipulated him into attending college. his father pulled some strings and got him into yates, and while it isn’t exactly his idea of fun, he’s taking it day by day and looking it as another way to push back actually having to enter the real world.

~ personality wise ~

acts like he hates his family, new york, and everything that comes attached with money and privilege, but completely reaps the benefits of all these things when he can. claims everything having to do with high society is vapid and that he wants more out of life.

a bit of a compulsive liar. will make up fake identities and pretend to be other people or tell people he doesn’t know some sob story about growing up poor. rlly just gets off on stuff like that and doesn’t tell the truth. like ever.

doesn’t always like people knowing how rich he is or who his father is. for those that do know, he doesn’t like to talk much about his family. probably won’t ever say a word about his mother.

has no real ambitions in life or any sort-of life plan. has switched his major at least 10 times and never goes to his classes.

very much a hedonist. likes to party and hates being alone. hooks up with too many people and finds it very difficult to be in any sort of real relationship. he’s just not reliable or faithful enough.

also goes through phases where feels like he doesn’t connect with people? or that he hates everyone?

always attracts chaos of some kind. black eyes from a fight over kissing someone’s girlfriend or owing his drug dealer money.

lives life day by day. doesn’t plan for the future. usually always drunk or high.

kind of... morally ambiguous. with the way he was raised, he doesn’t see life as black or white. it’s sort of grey. usually doesn’t do the right thing, usually doesn’t feel bad about it... but there is a heart there somewhere. he just doesn’t usually care enough to use it.

rlly tries to avoid feelings as much as possible. he’s actually quite a sensitive person, but after being constantly told that makes him weak by his father and having a robot of a brother he’s always felt ashamed by that. so he uses his vices to try and not feel things.

wanted plots

hook ups, fwbs, exes, someone he cheated on, friends, enemies, someone he owes money to, someone who knew him grew up and knows his family, someone he actually rlly cares about (romantic or platonic)...i’ll add more to this when i think of more things!

#yatesintro #death tw #addiction tw #drugs tw

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rising-generations · 4 years

Text

Iris. [SDRA2 Sannohashi Oneshot]

read on ao3 here if you please

plot:

and i don't want the world to see me 'cause i don't think that they'd understand when everything's made to be broken i just want you to know who i am.

syobai hashimoto has to fix the biggest mistake he's ever made in his life. mikado sannoji has to deal with what syobai leaves behind when he runs away. it was never supposed to go this far.

syobai-focused sannohashi, set in the "nuclear" AU. more explained inside. featuring trans!mikado and sora/syobai friendship. tw for mentions of suicide attempt in the beginning.

notes:

So to make a long story short, this series takes place after a huge nuclear war decimated half of the human population and fucked up a lot of shit with the environment and people's bodies. Everybody knows shit's fucked. The SDRA2 kids exist in the same universe as the rest of the canon Ultimates, and everyone's around the same age (THH and NDRV3 kids are about 22, SDR2 kids are 23, SDRA2 kids are around 20-21). So everyone's an adult. Don't come for my throat. Don't like it, don't leave a nasty comment, thanks! Bad and stinky comments will be placed inside the bee oven to atone for their sins.

It's not often that Syobai admits this, but this time, he's absolutely, completely, royally, fucked up. Badly. And normally he doesn't care, but this time is so very different. Sitting at a table in a nearly-empty diner at half-past noon is not where he thought he was gonna end up today, but here he is, with his head in his hands, staring down at his phone's lock screen, counting the minutes since Sora sent her "omw" text.

This diner serves whiskey. A lot of places serve liquor now, have since the war tore the world apart and left millions of traumatized people to deal with the aftermath, many of them turning to alcohol to cope. Syobai has been drinking since the ripe old age of ten, so that's not new to him, and the whiskey they have here is strong, and it's tempting.

It's so, so tempting. But if he does that, it won't end very well for him; first of all, Sora would likely -- definitely -- beat his ass into next week if she shows up and finds him drunk. Second, in the state he's currently in emotionally, if he gets drunk, all he's going to do is remember things, and when he remembers things, he ends up waking up on the bathroom floor at 3 AM in a puddle of his own tears with a bottle of pain pills in his hand.

So Syobai won't drink. Not today, anyway. But God damn, does he really want to smoke.

As soon as he starts to get up to go outside (the diner has a no smoking policy, which he thinks is stupid considering the fact that nuclear warfare has done shit to the air they don't even know about yet, but he's not willing to get kicked out and risk a beating by Sora yet again), the universe interferes with his life once more. Sora steps in through the door of the diner.

Well there goes that plan.

She spots him fairly quickly and strides over to the booth in the back corner, sliding into the seat like nothing's changed. Syobai remembers when they'd used to skip class every Wednesday and go down to the diner down the street from Hope's Peak, the one that served all the crazy Western food, and dare each other to eat the craziest shit on the menu as fast as they could without puking or choking. Sora, of course, would win every time, and "claim her victory for all of the lesbians out there."

It's enough to make him smile a little bit. The diner was abandoned when the war started, but they still hang out there sometimes.

"So, you wanna tell me what's wrong with you?"

Sora's voice breaks through his thoughts, and Syobai lifts his head to look at her. She's got her chin in her hand, and her elbow propped on the table.

"Elbows on the table? Not very lady-like," Syobai jokes. With her free hand, Sora flips him off, and he snickers. "I'm kidding, geez. Who says there's anything wrong with me?"

Sora points at the complimentary basket of chips the diner serves with every customer. "There's food on the table, and you haven't eaten it all yet to spite me. Now, I asked you nicely. Don't make me come over there."

Well. Looks like he can't stall his explanation anymore.

He lets out a long, heavy, slow sigh, and laces his fingers together in front of him on the table. Syobai turns his grey-eyed gaze down towards the surface of the table, before forcing himself to look up and meet Sora's eyes.

"I need your help," he says simply. "I fucked up."

"You do that a lot. Elaborate."

"I fucked up really, really bad." Syobai pauses. "With Mikado."

Sora tilts her head. "Last time I asked, you told me the two of you were "just sleeping together casually." Did you lie to me, Syobai?"

Syobai swallows heavily. He can hear his heart beating in his ears.

"Mikado is pregnant," he finally says. The words actually leaving his lips feel like the final blow in a fight, and he's just lost. "With my children."

"... oh." Sora blinks a few times. "So this was an accident, I take it? Whatever happened to high school Syobai Hashimoto who carried five different types of condoms in his wallet at all times just in case he met a hot guy walking home from school?"

"Hey, in my defense, I usually still have condoms." Yes, they're a bit harder to find nowadays, as is almost everything, but up until now, he's always managed to have one on hand for when the two of them start feeling frisky (which tends to happen at least once a day). "To answer your question, though, what happened is Setsuka decided to get hitched."

"The party," Sora gasps, remembering suddenly. "Oh, my God. So you two did fuck in the bathroom! Emma owes me five thousand yen."

"Yes, we did do that," Syobai mumbles. It's not totally his fault, he thinks. It's not like Mikado wasn't grinding on him half the night, begging him to fuck him as hard as he could against the wall. It's no doubt the best sex he's ever had in his life.

And, of course, it's the one time they fuck without a condom and without pulling out. Not that that's guaranteed to help anything, but hey, it might have? Maybe it's just wishful thinking on Syobai's part.

"So what's the problem?" Sora continues. "Does he not want the babies?"

Syobai looks away. "I, uh. I don't know."

Sora's eyes narrow dangerously. "You didn't talk to him about it?"

Syobai gives a dry laugh. "Well, ya see, that's where the whole "I fucked up really bad" bit comes in."

"What'd you do." This isn't spoken as a question, somehow, as Sora's voice deepens. She's already pissed off, great, and Syobai has a feeling she won't be any happier when he tells this part of the story.

"Um." Syobai swallows again, more nervous this time. "I... I ran off."

Silence. "Excuse me?" Sora says. "You wanna run that by me again?"

Syobai still isn't meeting her eyes. He recalls exactly how the exchange went, just about two hours ago now.

"I'm pregnant."

The world stops turning.

Mikado's holding his hands over his stomach, gloved fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt so tightly his hands shake. Syobai, on the other hand, just. Stands there. Staring at Mikado, completely speechless.

Before he knows it, his body is reacting all on its own. Syobai opens his mouth, trying to form an intelligent response, but all that comes out is two words he'll regret deeply:

"I can't."

Before Mikado reacts to that, Syobai yanks the front door open and takes off down the street, running and running and running until he can't, falling to his knees behind the 7-11 -- how the hell did he get there, it's a mile from the house -- choking and coughing before he inevitably pukes from the strain of running so far, so fast.

This all goes through his head in the span of about two seconds. "I just stood there like an idiot," Syobai finally says. "I -- I said I can't and then I ran." His hand curls into a fist. "I ran like the dumb fucking coward I am." He brings his fist down on the table as hard as he can. Sora doesn't jump, instead staring at him evenly. "Go ahead and say it. I know you want to."

"You're right for once. What the hell is wrong with you?" Sora snaps. "I know that taking responsibility for your numerous fuck-ups is completely foreign to you, and usually you get away with it with no consequences because that's just how it is when you deal with people you don't care about and criminals, and hey, I can let it go when it's some nameless Yakuza dude who got assassinated with a gun you sold someone 'cause I don't care either," she begins. "But then, you turn around and do this shit? To Mikado? To someone we all know, and yeah, he might be a rat, but he doesn't deserve to be left high and dry and pregnant and scared because you --" And here she points at him, Syobai flinching as every word cuts deeper, "-- are a fucking coward. You're God damn right you screwed up."

"I was scared," Syobai says, his weak attempt at a protest surprising even himself.

"You were scared?" Sora laughs, and it's bitter. "That's funny. It's funny that you were scared. How do you think Mikado feels right now? Alone, facing the possibility of having to raise more than one child by himself after the man he's spent half of high school madly in love with, and the man he's been sleeping with for the past six months, ran away when he told him he'd gotten him pregnant?"

There's really nothing he can say to that. Syobai sighs shakily. "I wasn't just scared because he's pregnant," he finally says. "I was scared because..."

He shuts his eyes.

"Because I love him. I love him, so much that it hurts, and I may as well have just stabbed him right in the chest."

"And you're not used to that," Sora says. "You're not used to caring for anyone except yourself. But as long as you kept telling yourself it was just for fun, and there were no feelings involved, you could shrug it off. Maybe a part of you thought Mikado felt the same way, like it was just a game. Then he started to make your world wider, you started to get comfortable with it, and you got scared. Then he came to you, and told you that it wasn't just him anymore, and you panicked. You couldn't handle it. But instead of staying there and talking to him about it like an adult, you were just cryptic, and then you ran away."

Syobai opens his eyes and looks over at Sora. He somehow looks even older than he usually does. "Yeah. Yeah, you got me there." He swallows, heavily, and his mouth tastes like copper from how hard he's been chewing on his inner lip. "It was just supposed to be for fun. It was never supposed to be serious."

"Yeah, well, tough shit," Sora shrugs. "Mikado's pregnant. You're gonna be a dad. You could run all the way to America and it wouldn't change a thing. The only difference is, Mikado has to live with what you gave him forever. You've got two choices: you can drag your sorry ass home and show Mikado you're sorry, or you can keep running away. But, I'll have you know..." And here, Sora's voice darkens, and she looks more dangerous now than she ever did before even with a gun in her hands, "If you leave him like that? And if you ever run away from him like that again? And dare to show your face in Japan again? I will personally hunt you down and make you beg for me to kill you. Understand?"

"... yeah. I understand," Syobai replies. He runs a hand through his hair while Sora takes a couple of breaths to calm herself down. "I don't want to leave him. But I don't think I'm ready to be a father. Or much of anything, really." He looks down at his hands, rough and calloused and forever stained with the blood of so many that only he can see. "What if I can't love them?"

"If you love Mikado as much as you say you do, you'll fall in love with those babies way before they're ever born," Sora tells him. "Listen. This world's gone to shit. It's gonna be hard to raise a family like this. That's why Yoruko and I are waiting. But it's a little too late for you to do that, so all you can do is suck it up and do everything you can to make sure they never have to be a part of what we were."

Sora's words seal Syobai's decision.

---

He tries calling Mikado to tell him he's coming home for an hour, and gets absolutely no response. A part of Syobai is worried, desperately hoping Mikado didn't do something stupid and end up hurting himself, and wants to get home as soon as he can, but...

The other part of him feels like if he just shows up at home with no warning, it'll only make the situation that much worse.

So he calls, and calls, and calls, and gets sent to voicemail over and over, until finally, there's an answer.

"Fucking Syobai Hashimoto," a voice that is decidedly not Mikado's comes through the speaker. "I ought to skin you alive and wear you like a fur coat. How dare you."

Syobai sighs and frowns, rubs a hand over his face. "Hello, Nikei."

"Don't you hello, Nikei me!" The furious man spits over the phone. "Ever since Mikado told me you two were a thing, I've been looking for a reason to shoot you and make Why Syobai Hashimoto's Death Should be Celebrated as a National Holiday an article on the front page news for a month straight! Now I finally get a reason and I can't even do it because Mikado wants his kids to know their scumbag father!"

Syobai pauses. "... he wants me to come back?"

"I want you to come back, too," Nikei starts to say. "So I can beat you to death with a baseball bat." It sounds like he wants to say more, but then Syobai hears a very quiet, muffled voice in the background. It has to be Mikado. He strains to hear, but it's no use, because the phone doesn't pick up exactly what he's saying. A few seconds later, though, he hears Nikei give a heavy sigh.

"Alright, fine. Mikado wants to hear you out, so I won't be here when you get back, sadly," Nikei mutters. "But I can be there in ten minutes tops if he calls me back, and I'd love to see you try to outrun my bullets."

"Point taken." Syobai closes his eyes and lets out a slow breath. "Tell him to leave the door unlocked. I'm coming home."

---

It takes a little under an hour for Syobai to get home. He has to walk all the way there, after all, and he's already tired, but he pushes through. By the time he makes it to the driveway, it feels like his legs are about to fall off.

Then he gets to the front door, puts his hand on the doorknob, and hesitates. It's like all of the exhaustion evaporates, replaced by pure adrenaline and the urge to turn around and start running again.

No. He's made up his mind. Syobai closes his eyes, the mental image of Mikado laughing brightly in his arms appearing to him with no trouble at all, without him even needing to think about it.

God. All the things he would do to make that smile come back to Mikado's face. All the things he would do to forget the look of heartbreak he saw for just a split second when they were standing in the living room.

He turns the doorknob and walks inside the empty living room. His feet land in the same place they were, and he lets the door close behind him as he takes a few shallow breaths. The nagging little voice in the back of his head says you should've ended this a long time ago, Hashimoto. You always knew you'd never be man enough for him, to protect him, to care for him. You're just a coward.

Syobai ignores it, pushes through the pain and walks over to the door of the bedroom he and Mikado have been sharing. Technically, it's Syobai's room, because this is his house, but his sheets smell like Mikado, and it's his and Mikado's clothes on the floor in that room, and there's a picture of both of them hanging on the wall.

Syobai bites his lip so hard he tastes blood, then knocks three times on the door. He contemplates saying something to announce his presence, but finds it better to keep his mouth shut for right now.

At least, until the door opens up, and it's Mikado standing before him, with no mask, his face clearly streaked and stained with tears. Syobai forces himself to look at his face, look him in the eyes, because Mikado deserves that, at least. He deserves so much more than what Syobai's given him.

Neither of them really knows what to say at first. Then Syobai takes a shuddering, shallow breath.

"I'm sorry, for what I said," Syobai finally says. "I said "I can't." That was a lie. I - I can, I just... didn't want to face it."

"I really hope you didn't come all the way here just to say I'm sorry and expect me to forgive you," Mikado says, his voice barely above a whisper.

Syobai shakes his head. "I'm not asking you to forgive me right now," he murmurs. "I just want you to hear me out. Then you can do whatever you want. I swear. Please."

Mikado bites his lip and looks down at the floor, contemplating. "Fine. But I'm not doing this for you."

"That's okay." Syobai closes his eyes for a moment, then looks back evenly at Mikado as he slowly gets to his knees, now looking up at him. Mikado doesn't hide the look of shock on his face as Syobai starts talking.

"Listen. I'm not gonna make excuses. I'm a coward, and I'm a fool. I broke your heart. When things go beyond my intentions, I try to own up to them. Today I ran away instead." He swallows heavily, watches as Mikado shuts his eyes tight. "I - until you told me this morning, I was a man with nothing to lose. Nobody but myself. Then I went from that, to having everything to lose in two words. All my life, I never cared about what happened to anybody but myself. I didn't give a shit. And now..." He looks at Mikado's stomach, where he's resting one of his gloved hands, as though he isn't even thinking about it.

"I realized no matter how far I ran, or for how long, I'd never be able to forget that. I couldn't change it. I can't go back in time and stop what happened." Syobai sighs. Mikado's hands tremble. "The more I thought about it, the more I realized: I don't want to stop what happened. I don't want these kids to not exist."

"Then why did you run away? Why'd you leave me?" Mikado chokes out.

There's no turning back now. Syobai looks at Mikado right in the eyes, grey meeting pale brown, Syobai finally ready to say the words that could make or break him.

"Because I love you, Mikado Sannoji," Syobai says, clearly, sincerely, the only words that have ever come from his mouth with complete purity. "I love you, and it's real and it's raw and it scares the living hell out of me, because I didn't think I could until you walked into my life." He reaches out, fully ready for Mikado to push him away. Instead, he's pleasantly surprised when his cold hands are wrapped in Mikado's warm ones. He hasn't looked away from him, not for a moment, watching as more tears spill down Mikado's face despite him trying to fight them. "I got through life by putting up paywalls, literally, and I knew no person in their right mind would ever wanna get past them." He gives a little laugh. "I didn't count on you, coming in and blowing holes through them."

"Hey, I only blew a hole in a wall once, and that was an accident," Mikado laughs and cries at the same time, his body trembling. By now, Syobai's shaking too, but he's still fighting his own tears.

"Well, you sure got rid of mine," Syobai says. He lifts one of his hands to his lips and kisses his knuckles. "To be honest, I'm still scared. I don't know what I'm doing, not with you, not with the kids we made, not with my life, but I do know one thing: I wanna figure it out with you, and nobody else."

His voice cracks. Syobai swallows heavily, one last ditch-effort attempt at holding back his emotions.

"Will you let me stay here, right here, by your side?" Syobai asks, voice strained. "Will you let me become the man you deserve?" He sniffs, his last words coming in a quiet sob:

"Will you let me be a father?"

Mikado nods, squeezes Syobai's hands, his decision made as soon as he sees the tears -- so very real, undeniable evidence of Syobai bearing his soul to Mikado for the first time -- coming down his face like rain.

"Yeah. Yes, let's do it," Mikado whispers. "Oh, my God. We're gonna be fathers."

Syobai leans forward a little, rests his head against Mikado's belly, presses their still interlocked hands against the small, barely-noticeable swell, evidence that their children are safe, growing, and healthy. He doesn't say a word. He doesn't need to, as he rolls up the bottom of Mikado's shirt and kisses his skin, so gently he's afraid he imagined it at first.

Syobai Hashimoto doesn't so much fall in love with Mikado Sannoji; instead, rather, he stumbles into it, clumsy and foolish and with no grace at all. But he falls in love with their little ones in a split second, a moment in time he'll never forget.

#danganronpa #dangan ronpa #sdra2 #super danganronpa another 2 #super dangan ronpa another 2 #fanfiction #fanfic #my writing #mine #fic: iris #sannohashi #mikado sannoji #syobai hashimoto

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