I saw your fandom rant and god I agree so hard it makes me so angry.

I hate how gender stereotypes are now dressed in progressive trans inclusive language to pretend they're not just harmful stereotypes.

I hate how characters (especially female ones) have so little wiggle room for their gender. And if they do anything else than being ultrafeminine they get immediately headcannoned as trans.

I hate how trans art also somewhat follows that too. I don't wanna get called a terf or anything, but you can draw women as fat! As hairy! As tall!

I think transness magnifies an issue in how femininity is represented in media. I truly hate how it's only the skinny white boys who get hced as being trans women.

For the love of god, stop categorizing everything into neat tiny boxes. Stop saying that characters who dont fit them MUST be trans and their behavior/appearance couldn't ever be cis. You're just upholding our awful beauty standards.

I hate how widely loved this practice in fandoms it is. Headcannon everyone as trans, have more fun with your concept of gender presentation you all...

YES OH MY GOD ANON ILY. There's nothing more I can even add to this you just worded it so well, thank you!!!

And as a fat gnc trans boy myself, yes please start hcing the fat characters as trans too. People limit themselves to only making/hcing white skinny passing trans people and it starts to paint a specific picture of what a "presentable" version of trans people for that person looks like. Especially when they are cis. They don't think they're being transphobic cause "look at me! I'm making/hcing a character as trans!" while literally only thinking that cause the character doesn't fit their idea of what a man or woman "should" be.

There is of course character who have heavy trans-coding that people will pick up on and THAT is different. Such as Scaramouche from Genshin Impact who is heavily implied to be transmasc. But for that character, his coding doesn't come from.. liking sport.. or having short hair! it comes from ACTUAL trans experience and feelings and emotions that we can relate with and see in the media. Trans coding is not when a female character is uncomfortable in skirts, its not when a male character grows his hair out, no, it's about the feelings associated with identity and feeling out of place and wrong, breaking free from the chains of the identity imposed upon you. THAT is trans coding.

Also, if you don't mind, could I use this anon ask in my video script? I'll credit you if you want it but otherwise I can leave it anon! :D

[Please feel free to ignore this if ya like]

Do you have any advice for someone who wants to start up a Star trek x reader blog? I'm pretty new to it, don't know too much, but steadily catching up an the series.

The thing that's giving me the most grief is that I don't know enough lore to feel confident enough to start writing about anything with the characters ._.)

Ensign Simp Advice Column:

How to Write x Readers

Finding the right formula for writing x readers can be difficult. As authors we have a distinct habit of putting ourselves into our works. However in this case you should try to remain as neutral as possible. Remember that you are an outside observer. Similar to a video game you are creating a world for your player/reader to interact with, just on a more limited scale almost like Mad Libs.

For new people writing x readers, here are the main points you should take away:

Gender

For anyone starting an x reader blog I always recommend keeping the reader Gender Neutral (GN) and Gender Non-Conforming (GNC). This helps a wide sweep of readers be able to better connect with who they are in the story. Many x readers are written in a hetero-normative structure. This isn't the writers fault most of the fan fiction we read today was started by women and feminine people in the 60s.

And a lot of fan fiction is written by feminine people as a way to cope with the crap dating pool that they're in. The men in our fandoms are basically our new Ken Dolls. We can project our own desires and needs on to them. Writers and readers can take comfort in knowing that we are safe because no real harm is being done, it's just make believe.

However, as an evolving culture, we as a fandom need to embrace the variety in gender and break up gender norms. This is why keeping the reader's gender neutral is a good way to break that norm. Also it allows your readers to connect more when their are options to choose from, example: "Good (boy/girl/gender neutral pet name)." Using "they" is much easier in the sentence structure because it is grammatically correct when you don't know the definitive gender of a person.

They walked along the beach holding (insert random character)'s hand. "I love you so much, my dear (husband/wife/partner)." (Character) said lovingly. "I love you too." They said.

If a gender is specified make sure your label it clearly! This helps readers navigate which writings they may like more. I personally only do it on request. It is also why I don't do pregnancy plots or end with "they lived happily ever after with two kids, a dog, house, and white picket fence. THE END"

Appearances and Race

Just like gender race is always an issue in writing x readers. We will try to compensate with trying to add descriptions like:

"She had (long/short) (hair color) and sparkling (eye color) orbs."

However, descriptions don't give a personality! As a Pansexual myself I love people for who they are and not what they are. This has benefited my writing over the years because I was able to break out of the mold of "you must be aesthetically pleasing in order to be loved by this person" in my writing. Remember that all of your readers come in different shapes, sizes, colors, backgrounds, and neuro-divergence.

We have lots of people of color who write and read fan fiction. So make sure your are leaving the door open by not describing the appearance of the reader but the personality! Allowing your reader to mentally roleplay. If you want to tell the reader how beautiful they are (which all readers are beautiful), try something like this.

"I've always been insecure about how I look." They said looking down shyly. "I've always thought you were beautiful. I love your laugh, the way you bite your lip when you're thinking, and how you look at me with such love and devotion. I thought I would never get the chance to be with someone as amazing as you." (Character) said taking their hands.

Describe little things that could be about anyone. Keep it open, keep it loose, and don't pigeon hold yourself into something. Remember that this is an open audience, character appearance customization is for visual mediums.

Characterization

Having a good personality for your character will be important. You don't want to make the reader "the perfect protagonist" but as we know this is a way to help people cope with their own insecurities and issues. But give them realistic issues such as anger issues, social anxiety (not just selective social anxiety), recklessness, impulsivity, SOMETHING THAT ISN'T A PERFECT FLAW!

"Perfect" Flaw Examples:

They care too much

Clumsy

Shy

(Insert Disney Princess Flaw Here)

That is why when making an x reader you should make the reader a flexible as possible but yet give them realistic obstacles and problems. Maybe the reader has anger issues or has a fear of intimacy.

Interesting Flaw Examples:

Childish

Competitive

Impulsive

Indecisive

Jealous

Paranoid

Socially Awkward

Stubborn

ALSO REMEMBER THAT BEING AUTISTIC OR NEURODIVERGENT IS NOT A FLAW!

Give them fears and problems that are relatable to a lot of people and are plot relevant. Try not to give them a specific niche fear (again unless by request and you have it labeled). Remember that your reader will be more interested in the story, if they are interesting. Especially in longer stories than a short one-shot!

Setting

DO RESEARCH ON YOUR SETTING YOU ARE IN!

Unless it is an AU (can't stress labeling), make sure to do research on the time period, world lore, and settings before making up stuff. New writers may not know certain lore but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't do research. If you are writing fan fiction you obviously have access to the internet or someway off connecting to it. USE IT!

For example I had a request for a character I didn't know. So I went on YouTube and looked them up. I watched a couple of videos and decided I liked the character enough to write for them. So I borrowed my friend's box set of the show I was going to write for.

I watched a couple of episodes, looked up everything about them online through fandom wikis, chat rooms, and lore (videos, articles, and other fan creations), then I started to write for the character.

To me, being new to a fandom is no longer an excuse for why you are not able to look up information. It doesn't just stop in high school. You'll still need to research things, BEFORE YOU WRITE ABOUT THEM!

Plot

Start with the action, I know I got out of bed, brushed my teeth, and ate breakfast. WHAT AM I DOING AND WHY SHOULD I CARE? Explain what am I doing, what is happening, and what is at stake!

If you don't have a plot idea look up other fan fictions about that character, if there are none, look up prompts to use. Make sure to ask or tag someone in the prompt or inspiration you pull from. This helps other writers get their work noticed, while also sharing in the love of the character and writing.

Make sure everything you write about it plot relevant!

And the most important:

Establish Boundaries

Make sure you have a list of rules for your blog and your writing preference. Make a list of things that you do and do not write for.

EXAMPLE

This helps readers understand what they can and can't ask for.

REMEMBER THAT FAN FICTION WRITERS ARE NOT PAID!

THEY DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE YOUR REQUEST IF THEY DON'T WANT TOO!

So my kid wanted one of these random ass Frozen surprise eggs and we got this guy

So I turn to my kid and ask her "What was his name?"

And she (not yet 6 yrs old) said "I don't remember. He was one of the soldiers."

"Yeah," I say. "Wanna rewatch the movie to remember?"

But here's the thing. It stuck with me. I would've said "it was the black guy." If I had this same talk with a friend they would've probably pulled their phone out and googled 'black guy frozen'. Some particularly tryhard person might've dropped 'african american' before realizing that's factually incorrect. We would've used labels, and the most neutral would've been 'the officer?' but with the 'black' descriptor still in our minds.

But for my kid, whom I raised on a diet of media with different races and genders? Who has seen POC in everything she consumed? She's lacking the descriptor altogether. For her, the guy's a 'soldier' and that's all there is.

Now, we live in a racist area with little racial variation so I've no doubt that the words will enter her vocabulary as she ages, and all I can hope is the bias won't, but now? Now people are just people to her. Gender, race, marital status, clothing style, they don't matter. She labels people by profession or some other non-physical descriptor. Being presented with varied characters without the 'difference' labels taught her it's not a significant element.

All this "forced diversity" conservatives bitch about or people say does not help... it clearly helps. Minorities feel seen, and children learn people come in many shapes and sizes. One day we'll hopefully have this treatment for more and more kinds of people - different body types, gender expressions, disabilities - but all this 'liberal pandering' clearly helps for the better. I'm glad we got even this far, because I grew up on those "redskins are savages" and "blacks are big lipped apes" media, and the difference between me and my kid is already enormous.

Blooming Roses, part 1

Content warnings:

Masks

Face covering

Momentary loss of breath

Neural connection

Hypnotic theming

Corporate setting

Cyberpunk

Description:

A new hire at Rose Cybernetics is given their final interview.

~2800 words

Story:

The megalithic building stands proud against the concrete and glass towers beside it, making mortals of titans. Sheer, elegant, imposing; the structure kisses the sky, inspiring awe in those who observe it. This effect becomes overwhelming in its courtyard, where these same observers are rendered ants in a temple of giants. You let a breath fill your lungs, feeling it sweep out through your anxious smile. Here it is. Rose Cybernetics.The sliding doors of the atrium open with a hissed breath as you enter. You knew that the company did its best to impress its visitors, but if the scale of the building hadn't already set an imposing stage, its lobby would finish its show. Seeming as though it was open to the air, the 'ceiling' of this enormous space rests comfortably at the top of the building itself. From this, a tiered array of circular floors wrap along the outer walls like a serpent's coils. Light permeates the structure from a myriad of sources, all carrying a natural hue that - if what you've heard is accurate - mirrors the color of the sky outside. The sterile whites and greys of the building carry accents of saturated color across its industrial carpeting and in stripes along its walls. Of a similar color set, furniture that seems more like modern art gives the entire area an almost organic quality. The structure itself, though, is complemented in its unique qualities by those within. Figures all around you work busily, writing on whiteboards, collaborating in clusters of various sizes, darting from group to group, and delivering items as though their need was known preemptively. Interestingly, these forms all appear dissimilar from each other. They represent myriads of body types, clothing styles, and gender presentations, yet they all wear a sleek cover across their faces; a brushed, dark curve that obscures all facial features while displaying imagery of its owner's choice. Pulling your attention from your surroundings, you return to your task. A desk labeled 'check-in' sits at the atrium's center, and inquiring there seems to be the place to start. "Hello, welcome to the Rose Cybernetics Center! How can we help you?" The person at the desk carries a spritely, delicate voice, and their words appear across their faceplate as they speak. Almost as if understanding your hesitation, the words 'she/her/hers' flash across her screen. "I- um, hi," You've practiced this interaction many times before, but trying to get words out when you're already off-beat is a bit like trying to tame a tiger while wearing rollerblades. The staffer looks at you again, tilting her head curiously in a motion that dangles her blonde ponytail against her shoulder. It's unsettling to interact with someone with no face, yet looking into her faceplate is somehow calming all the same. Rippling waves of various colors splash across the black of her display, soothing cool tones that remind you of northern lights. You take a breath to settle your heart, acclimating yourself to the unusual sight, and try again. "I'm here for my in-person interview. I-I heard that you'd be expecting me?" Even without seeing her face, you get a good sense of the smile under her faceplate as its colors take on a gentle warm hue. "Of course, applicant 3B90, right this way." The staffer stands and walks out from behind the desk, as another worker wordlessly takes her place. You find yourself unsettled by the exchange; it almost felt more mechanical than human. Suppressing a shudder, you follow the staffer as she leads you to one of the elevator wells built into the side of the building."If you don't mind, um," you speak, immediately cursing the way your words always drift away midsentence. "How can I help you, applicant 3B90?" The warmth associated with her smile appears again, easing some of the anxiety in your chest."It's ah. Sydney, please. What's your name?" "Oh, I'm sorry, Sydney. I'm GIU-2CE5, but you can call me 2C if you like!" As with all of her words, these too float across her display, as does a small '^-^' emoticon afterward. Having gotten more accustomed to the way she emotes, you see the way her tone seems to perk up at the opportunity to share this particular bit of information."Sure," you say as she guides you into an elevator and presses a button for one of the middle floors, "that's your employee number, or um. Whatever, but how about your name?" She pauses for a moment, and you can see her faceplate's slow visualization stutter briefly as she thinks. "Nope, but 2C's my nickname!" It's painfully clear to you that she likes that 'nickname' at least, and you doubt you'll get further on this line of questions, so you let it go with a sigh. "2C it is, then." Okay, maybe it *is* a bit cute to see her get excited about something so simple.The elevator dings and she leads you out through its doors, grabbing your hand to pull you along. The contact is startling, but you don't seem to mind too much as you shrug and let the enthusiastic girl drag you along. On these lofted floors, full glass windows look out on the open atrium while the walls of offices and cubicles emerge, finally welcoming you into something more familiar. She pulls you into an office, empty except for two chairs and a small cabinet, and gestures for you to take a seat. You comply, settling into a piece of furniture that has no business being as comfortable as it is. 2C takes the opposite chair, crossing her legs. "Okay, Sydney, I'll be conducting your interview! Let me know, and we can go ahead and get started." Hearing this surprises you. Sure, you keep an open mind when it comes to most things, but getting interviewed by a front desk greeter for a network administration position is almost surreal. "Alright, so what is this, exactly?" 2C's 'smile' flashes again, and she cheerily explains the Rose Cybernetics hiring process. You know most of this stuff already; the company runs a series of difficult online challenges that lead the way to their application portal. From there, you don't need to submit a resume (thankfully, since yours is in desperate need of some TLC), but they do ask you to solve a problem in realtime over an internet call. If you've shown your skill, they speak with you in a brief remote interview to learn more about you as a person, then give you one final in-person meeting. This last interview, to your knowledge, is a formality; they'd already told you to bring everything you needed to move in, after all. It's at this point where the details get fuzzy, though. As much as you've searched for information about what this would even be, you'd found nothing but missing links and dead-ends. "This meeting is a different kind of test! We're going to hook you into our internal network for a moment, and see how you take to it." She reads your confused look, and the waves on her display bubble lightly, almost in a light giggle. "What do you mean? Will I have a laptop?" You watch as the laughing effect grows. She holds up a hand as if to ask for just a moment, then stands and walks over to the cabinet. Sliding out a slim, black box, she strides back over to you and places the box in your lap. It's blank, unadorned, and made of showy cardboard. You start removing the lid, suction keeping the base from falling as it slides slowly, and an idea of what might be waiting inside dawns on you. Tossing away the newly-liberated lid, you stare directly into the item you'd been expecting and dreading; a faceplate, returning your stare.Just above the glossy covering, embedded into the packaging foam, a small bolt-like object sits ominously. You've already seen the faceplates, but this thing..? It makes the whole situation even more concerning. "Don't worry about that receiver - for now, just put your faceplate on - I bet you'd look so cute! Oh, I'm so excited, I get to see what your display shows before anyone else!" 2C's demeanor is a confusing thing; her screen jumps and reacts to her mood, and so does her voice, but her body language and physical responses - while present - are significantly muted. Her posture is almost perfect, and her movement is unsettlingly smooth. Just one more uncanny part of this business, you suppose. Considering your current situation, you catch yourself worrying about the results of this interview again, for very different reasons this time. Your eyes widen with anxiety, as your heart beats faster in your chest. "Sydney, look at me, okay?" her faceplate's coloration shifts back to those comfortable blues and greens. "Putting the faceplate on won't do anything permanent." Her hand is holding yours. "It'll press against your face, make a tight seal, and beam everything its cameras pick up into your eyes once it starts up." She's holding both of your hands now. "When I press the receiver to your neck, it'll let you control the faceplate with your mind, just like I do!" Her display wiggles in a playful pattern for emphasis. Her hands are soft, reassuring. "Once you take them off, it'll be back to normal, okay? Just a taste now, that's what this interview is for." You nod, thoughtlessly. With 2C's hands still holding yours, you reach to the faceplate in your lap. Her reassurance pools in your chest, and after slowing your heartbeat with a couple of deep breaths, you press the dark shape to your face. It's cold, almost like your face is pressed against a window, and begins to shift against your skin. You can feel it exerting a suction force, and for a terrifying instant, you realize that you can't breathe. As you try to pull in a breath, a refreshing current of air wafts in through its respirator, and your brief panic recedes. At first, your vision is blank. Another few deep breaths go by, and imagery starts to flow back into your eyes. Dim at first, most likely to keep you from being immediately overwhelmed, slowly building until your surroundings resolve around you again. You've needed glasses, apparently; the world around you appears sharper now than before, and much more detailed. Looking over at 2C, a small blurb of information hovers over her head. It's a single word; 'contented.' You'd figured that she was just good at reading emotions, but this was cheating!"H-have you been reading me from your s-screen this whole time?" you stammer. "Oh, no, not quite. That info comes from your receiver. I'm just good at guessing!" The panel shifts to 'proud,' before progressing to 'flirty.' You're about to comment on it, when she decides to continue. "By the way, that faceplate looks so so cute on you!" Your cheeks redden, and you're, surprisingly, thankful that the unlit display is covering your face. You still have almost no idea why the company would require wearing these things, but the anonymity is surprisingly refreshing. "O-okay, I've handled the mask-faceplate-whatever, I'm good to keep going." 2C's faceplate lights up a monochrome green as she tilts her head, and you see metadata confirming that it's posed as a question. You nod again in response, and she stands up to walk behind you. Your anxiety builds at the thought of a person directly behind you, but it subsides as chilling metal touches your skin. The mechanism's electromagnetic fields warp your thoughts, pulling at them as though they were elastic. The tension builds and builds as your mind becomes a coiled spring, the receiver forcing it ever tighter. The force, the pulling, the pushing; it feels like everything that makes up your mind is about to explode. "Relax," 2C's voice cuts through the swirling forces and mental struggle, "just let go, let the flow of information sweep over you.” “Relax.” At her last word, your entire being stalls, before sinking into a state of extreme ease. All of that tension, so overwhelming moments ago, courses through your body, letting you accept this new pathway for information to travel through. As you pick up the pieces of your consciousness, you shake your face from the empty stupor it carried a moment ago - thanking your mask once again - and actively sift through the data streaming into your brain.The Rose Cybernetics building is already impressive from a visual perspective, but looking at it for what it is, the glowing connected consciousnesses of every mind in the structure lighting up before you, you feel your jaw drop automatically. Your gaze returns to 2C, whose current emotions register as 'pleased.' [You can talk to me like this now, you know.] The thoughts sound like her voice, and you jump as you hear them. [It's strange to start with, I know, but this is how we all communicate here; much faster.] Realization dawns on you, and without prompting, your thoughts pour through the connection between you. [How do I respond- oh wait I'm responding now this is amazing but hard to control how do I sto-] flows out of you, in combination with a variety of related emotions, images, and half thoughts. You spend the remaining interview time experimenting with this paradigm shift in interaction, communication, and existence that's somehow both entirely new, yet confusingly familiar and natural. After only a few minutes, it feels as though 2C understands you on a deeper level than anyone you've ever met, just as your understanding of her reaches that same depth. She explains that for the sake of getting you used to this, she's the only one linked to you. She shares - with enthusiasm - that after you've had enough time to acclimate to this shift, you'll be able to open connections with anyone and everyone in the entire facility. Her excitement bounces through your mind, and you can't help but let that positivity bubble up until it begins to play across your faceplate, too. Your display is a lot less abstract than 2C's; instead of the amorphous waves against a black background, your faceplate decorates itself with images of the cosmos. Galaxies, nebulas, constellations, all proudly used to emote in a way that words never could. It feels freeing, strangely enough, wearing a screen like this. It's a window, you think, glasses for the mind. You can feel 2C thinking to herself, the sign to expect a burst of new information broadcast from her mind to yours. As you do, you can't help but think just how cute she is! So excited over being called 2C; of course, if someone called you 3B90, you'd probably melt too. It's confusing to you, looking back, why you thought that names were so important. After all, designations are just so much more convenient! [You were broadcasting that, 3B,] 2C's smug feeling drips between your connection. Your blush returns to paint your cheeks bright red, and you notice another - somewhat less innocuous - response between your legs. She waits, perfectly aware of the effect her words carried as she feels it flowing through her mind from yours, before continuing. [I think that our interview was a success! Come back tomorrow, and we can get you fitted with a permanent set.] [I have to take it off?] [It'll be alright, just one more day.] Through your mental link, she sends you more feelings of relief, complemented by a physical hug. She looks up at you for a moment questioningly, before you nod gently, confirming your begrudging acceptance as she pulls the receiver away from your neck. With all that meta-information gone, you squeeze against her even tighter to compensate. As your mask falls away, you feel strange; naked even. Leaving the office room, stepping into the elevator, and giving your goodbyes to 2CE5 all serve the singular goal of making you feel that much more alone. For a brief moment, you consider just how strange it is to be feeling these things at the hand of your new employer, but at this point, you're in far too deep to do anything but shrug. "Before I- um... go, will I see you again?" you stumble out the question, mouth once again failing you. 2C's smile lights up her faceplate again - stars, it's so beautiful to see - and a giggle creeps out too. "I wouldn't be too worried about that, 3B! After all, I'll be your new supervisor!" Hearing your designation excites you in a way that feels almost enchanting, and you blush deeply in response. The part of you that might have questioned why she of all people would be your supervisor remains muted, as the excitement of the prospect tingles down your spine. Only a few hours ago, you would have scoffed at yourself, but now you can't help but be excited; tomorrow is your first day at Rose Cybernetics.

LGBT Thoughts

Netflix has recently decided to push transgender ideologies in their Babysitters Club series – a show directed at adolescent girls. While Netflix – an independent company that should only have to answer to itself and its shareholders – is perfectly within their rights to air such shows, the fact remains that this is a deeply damaging topic to be showcasing to the most vulnerable and malleable among us. I think it’s time we finally address the enormous elephant in the room: the LGBT community. Here I will break down my thoughts on their rights, their roles, and their realities in our society.

For much of history, there have been documented incidences of same-sex encounters. Even the Bible makes reference to same-sex relations numerous times. The word sodomy is actually originated from one such text from Genesis in reference to the city of Sodom. Shakespeare is even rumored to have been gay by some scholars. However, for most of human existence, these individuals were forced to live in secret – outcasts of society, ostracized by their own people. To be perfectly fair, religious extremism has only contributed to the past 2-4 thousand years of ridicule. Before that, it was still frowned upon (at best) by most cultures simply because it went against the laws of nature. Male and female animals and even plant parts reproduce in union with one another. There are no same-sex reproductive organisms to my knowledge (correct me if I’m wrong). There are asexual organisms that reproduce by themselves, but certainly no major animal species that reproduce in any extraordinary way. There is a certain species of bird, I believe, that lives in Hawaii (once again, correct me if I’m wrong) that sometimes chooses a same-sex partner for life in the absence of a proper mate, but this is certainly an exception, not a rule. To add, they do not reproduce together.

But what does all this mean for humans? How should the “laws of nature” or even God’s laws apply to humans in this age of constant progressivism and an increasing detachment from religiosity that we call secularism? Well, thankfully, in our country and many around the world we are allowed the freedoms to live our lives as we see fit as long as they don’t infringe on the rights and liberties of others. So, if someone chooses to live outside the bounds of religious or natural laws, they certainly should be allowed to, as long as they are minding their own business. This concept of allowing homosexuality was highly contested up until the late 20th century, and is still somewhat contested today in 2020. The original founders felt that upholding moral and ethical truths in our school systems were an integral part of maintaining our precious union. As a matter of fact, the often-misrepresented “separation of church and state” clause did not mean that religion could not be learned about in schools, but that the federal government had no right to establish a State religion (capital S). Most of the founders actually encouraged religious teachings and values in schools. The more modern interpretations of the separation of church and state are due to an influx of not only secular ideologies, but also religious beliefs that were not prevalent during the time of our founding. While I am a firm believer that no harm can come from learning about religious values in schools, in this age of progressivism it is reasonable to note that certain contentious religious principles need not be forced upon others. This would be a clear infringement of the separation of church and state.

So, to get specific, let’s talk homosexuality. A common misconception in the eyes of secularists is that the Church (I’ll speak specifically about Catholicism here) preaches that homosexuality is a sin – that simply being gay is a sin against God. Well, this isn’t true. The Church expressly teaches that acting out homosexual fantasies is a sin. Let’s say, you are a man who is attracted to other men, but in your devotion to your religion, you find a woman whom you love, marry her, and live your life without having sex with another man. Is this man sinful, because he finds men attractive? Of course he is not! When you feel like strangling someone, but then you calm down and don’t, are you guilty of murder? No. So, simply being gay is not a sentence to Hell. As a matter of fact, even in the eyes of the Church, acting on your homosexual impulses isn’t a death sentence. There is reconciliation and forgiveness in the eyes of the Lord. If you confess your sin and repent for it, you are seen as forgiven. Not to mention, there are people who sin in every aspect of life: liars, swindlers, thieves, murderers – and I’m not even just talking about big sins. Small sins add up, and if you are not repentant of them, you are not any more likely to get to Heaven. However, I will paraphrase this, but I believe there is a Scripture saying that says you will be judged by your worst qualities. So, if you work hard your whole life to be a good Christian, and your only flaw is that you are a wonton whore, a light will be shown on this most vulnerable area.

You might be thinking to yourself, “but it’s a genetic mutation that causes some people to like members of the same sex. God would not have built natural urges in us if he didn’t want us to act on them.” Well, that’s just ridiculous. We have natural urges and desires that are built into us that we are meant to fight off all the time: anger, greed, and jealousy to name a few. Lust is just one more urge that is built into our nature, and it happens to come in all shapes and sizes. Our animalistic desire is not only to have as much sex as possible, but to have it with as many things as possible. Evidence of this is your dog, if you have one. Dogs will regularly hump humans due to a natural urge they have. Should the dog be doing this? Should humans all of a sudden be accepting of bestiality? Maybe don’t answer that one. Now that I’ve gotten a bit off topic, I’ll try to bring this all back. Yes, acting on your homosexual desires is a sin in many Christian churches. However, your homosexuality does nothing to harm me or my church, and as such, I believe firmly that if you wish you act on those temptations, you should be legally allowed to.

Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual peoples should not be deprived of their right to happiness, which can include uniting themselves in lawful union. That being said, I would like to advocate for an alteration in the name of the union. With the full rights, advantages and privileges of a married male and female couple, I would like to revoke the name “gay marriage” and return to the previously used “civil union” terminology. Marriage is a religious term that has been secularized over decades to include all unions whether inside or outside of a church between a man and a woman. I propose that all unions made outside of the boundaries of a religious ceremony be labeled civil unions, reserving the term marriage to those unions made within the boundaries of a religious ceremony. Civil unions will differ from Marriages in name only as to lay to rest the disagreements of many over this divisive issue. Thus, men and women, women and women, and men and men united solely by a judge will no longer be “married” but “united”. Those churches that allow gay marriages in their communities are by no means precluded from including them or precluded from calling them whatever they wish. However, legally, in the eyes of the state, a same-sex couple “married” in their churches will be viewed as “united” under the law. This is a semantic issue, as opposed to a legal issue. The semantics are clearly important on this issue and have been increasingly becoming more important as time goes on. I may not feel it is right to legally prevent people from enjoying their lives in whatever manners they please, but I do feel it is within my purview to define terms in order to ease tensions.

With regards to the transgender community, I have immense sympathy and respect for your feelings. Feeling like you don’t fit into the gender roles that your biology dictates can be frustrating, confusing and upsetting. I know. During my high school years, I often noted to myself that I had feminine characteristics that I didn’t understand. In some ways, I felt that I didn’t share many of the masculine interests of my friends. However, because I was surrounded by many fine men who were very accepting of my differences, I never felt that I didn’t belong with them. Here is the reality of the situation. Many people are not surrounded by these positive influences, and thereby feel that they need to re-identify themselves in order to fit into their social environments. This is not the case. Acceptance, toleration and understanding are the keys to solving this problem. Our attention with regard to the gender debate should be redirected towards Gender Stereotypes. At one point, I was under the impression that we were heading in the right direction. In a very enlightening high school class, I was challenged to think about what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman. When I did this, I came up with many gender stereotypes that not only did not describe many of my peers, but also did not describe myself. Instead of concluding that I did not belong to my gender, however, I concluded that the stereotypes were the crux of the inconsistencies. At one point in history, gender roles were necessary for survival – the strong (men) went on the hunt, and the tender (women) cared for the children. They were important distinctions. This is not the case anymore! Over time, as technology and society developed to the point where strict gender roles were no longer necessary, women’s rights and roles in society began to change. This was a good thing and is a testament to how incredible our society has been for the less advantaged. These roles still play a part in our daily lives and still affect who we are, but they do not define us exclusively. Take Apples for example. The stereotype of an Apple is a red, juicy, sweet fruit. However, there are apples that are yellow, juicy and sweet. There are also apples that are green, juicy and tart. Is the yellow apple a mango now? Is the green apple a lime? No, their genetics limit them to the fruitful existence that they are. Nevertheless, biology dictates what type of fruit they are and not their characteristics; their characteristics don’t change the underlying biology.

To solve the issue of gender, some people on the progressive aisle have attempted to remove gender. I instead propose to remove the stereotypes/roles! This of course leads to inconsistencies in the Pride movement as a whole. For example, an exclusively lesbian woman might marry another woman who decides later that she is a man. Is this first woman heterosexual now, or should she be upset and betrayed and break off the marriage? Are you confused yet? This removal of gender is not only confusing to adults, but it’s confusing to children, and for them, it is dangerous. When you pose a child with the option to choose his/her gender identity, they will ask you what the differences are. Your response will undoubtedly be gender stereotypes. You are doing no one any favors by perpetuating these gender roles. The child will treat this as something fun, like a game. However, once you begin to treat it as something serious, the child will begin to treat it seriously. This is what major networks and schools and parents are beginning to do. Once you begin to treat your child as if they are not their biological sex, they will begin to accept that reality, more so to please you than anything else. This could have unimaginable consequences on their sense of self later in life, which could lead to self-esteem issues, learning disabilities, depression or worse. And making life-altering changes to your children i.e. long-term gender therapy, hormone treatments, or surgeries could permanently hurt them mentally and physically.

Conversely, if your little boy tells you one day that he is a girl, tell him, “No, you’re not a girl, you’re a boy. As a boy, you can be whoever you want to be, like whatever you want to like, and all of those characteristics will make you who you are.” If you tell your little boy that, there is an increased likelihood that he will have a more accepting view of others who are different from him, and will have a more positive outlook of himself. You can be a man who loves to sew, wear frilly clothing, and fixes his own car. You can be a woman who lifts weights, works on a construction site, and watches soap operas. They are not mutually exclusive. This also includes those members of our communities that wish to fully engage in their historical gendered roles. Women, who want nothing but to read, write, sew, be homemakers, and do the multitude of other activities that are considered feminine, should not be shamed into thinking that their choices are not valuable, are backwards, or are in anyway damaging to womanhood. Women who have no interest in science should not be shamed into believing that their lives are a waste and that they are giving in to the patriarchal oppression of women. This is not productive. Similarly, this standard applies to men, who should not be shamed into thinking that jobs that only use their hands are not worthy of respect because they do not require a college education. They should not be shamed into the common misconception that men are brutes, only caring about power and control. Men who are not interested in fashion design or cleaning are not uncreative or lazy. All humans have different interests and strengths.

The characteristics we have as human beings are largely taught to us. Generosity is taught, openness is taught. Negative things, as well: greed, sloth – they are learned. Selfishness is a learned characteristic. As a society, we have failed our younger generations. Parents, teachers, the government, and the media have all failed. To teach a child that they are so important that they have the ability to defy nature and choose their gender breeds self-centeredness and pride beyond compare. How selfish of us, how pompous! We are not that important. We are not able to create our own meaning. Our meaning is a gift bestowed upon us by a higher power. Who or what that higher power is, is for each and every man and woman to decide on their own, but a society based on the premise that they determine their own worth is doomed to fail because it is founded on the ideal that the self is the most important entity. This is not to contradict our founding principles concerning the individual. Those principles concern how government should act in relation to its people. The concept of self-importance, to which I’m referring, concerns how individuals view themselves and act in spite of the government.

 So, no, I don’t think that Netflix or schools should be teaching students, especially against the wills of their parents, that being a boy when you’re a girl or vice versa is acceptable. We should not be teaching children that biology can just be ignored. If we allowed this aspect of biology to be ignored, other aspects of biology may be ignored in the future (like age!). Nor do I think that sexual preference should be celebrated in public schools. This goes against the separation of church and state in a different manner, because teaching children that their religious observances of sin are incorrect is a direct interference with the practice of a religion. This would be a world where secularism becomes the state religion and that would be no more acceptable than some form of theism. Have no shame for who you are, but don’t put down other peoples’ views to make yourself feel better. Respect should be taught of all our children before they leave the home for school.

Here is my final message. Acceptance of self, love of one another, and understanding of our differences, should reign supreme.

Images of Females Advertising Dove

Dove has been around for decades since the 1950’s and it has changed its marketing style since launched. Dove in the beginning had only white faces and today its very diverse. Dove now aims towards diversity and produces products for different skin types. Within the last two decades the brand has promoted positive body image, became more diverse in terms of ethnicity, gender, and race. From the beginning where the models were white and thin until present time, where we have a host of many beautiful shades and sizes of women. 

“The Use of Black Models in Advertising” This article was published in 1971, the article was about the reasons why black models are used for advertising. According to the article black models are used in marketing to sell products to black people. After the civil rights movement and new laws created in the legislature, marketers had to prepare for a new world in which black people would have a voice and more money to buy their products. As well as whites realizing that “black money” is the same as “white money”, both are green; so, with that realization, white businessman became smarter and began marketing black people in positive light for profit.

In the 1950’s concerning size, women were more concerned about having a slim figure, the ‘ideal’ size for attracting a man; Most ads you see on tv or in the magazines/newspapers in the 20th century would be of a slender sized woman, in addition, everyone was attracted to that size. Most of the advertising from the 50’s to the 70’s lacked people of color and of plus sized. I noticed that they choose light skinned black women over dark-skinned black women. As time passed, they began implementing dark skinned women. Marketers usually produced what they felt would sell and what attracts people to buy their products. The secret to advertising is subliminal messaging; subliminal messages is to gain favor with the consumer you’re targeting. For instance, if marketers placed more curvier women in their ads the world would be more accepting.

The early 2000’s Mo’nique (comedian/actress) sort of pushed away the fat shaming when she glorified her size. Mo’nique made ‘fat’ girls feel more beautiful and accepted. In 2005 She hosted the first televised beauty competition and boot camp for full-sized women “F.A.T. Chance,” on the Oxygen station. Mo’nique encouraged other plus size women to love the body they’re in and that they too are normal. “With its debut in 2005 it was the highest-rated original show in the company’s history, and in the second season it had a total of 4.8 million viewers for the premiere and its encores” (Luckily, There’s Plenty of Her for Everybody). There's a market for plus sized women just as there is for ‘regular’ sized women. The views on that show proved that people are interested in a plus sized/curvy woman's lifestyle also people support the body images. The ratings definitely boosted confidence in other plus sized women. Everyone comes in different sizes and should love every inch of themselves and only change for themselves, and of course for a healthier you. “Women are more than the labels that are given to us, they're more than an age, more than a size, more than a name...” (Dressbarn Launches an Empowering Campaign Starring Ashley Graham).

You’d be surprised the amount of negativity and pressure women endure daily, in terms of body image. Super model Tyra Banks has been shunned for her body a few times in her modeling career. It has become so bad that it took a toll on her career.  “Banks said her desire to be her own boss came from rejection she faced for her skin color and curvier figure, which she said was not desirable in the world of high-fashion modeling. “Me being a boss came from pain,” she said. “Being told no you can’t.” ...” Those experiences “created in me an empathy for women and physical discrimination,” (Tyra Banks on Body Shaming in the Fashion Industry: ‘My Pain Turned Me Into a Boss’). Banks kicked off her own show “Americas Next top Model”, there she featured models of many sizes and ethnicity's. She also featured women who were more on the heavy side, also known as ‘plus sized’. Banks also bridged the way of women flaunting, loving their bodies no matter their size. “Body-positive advertisements often feature individuals helping others recognize their inner beauty, and these images of support and kindness could potentially evoke elevation in audiences” (Feeling Bad About Feel-Good Ads: The Emotional and Body-Image Ramifications of Body-Positive Media).

In 2017, Dove offered a Nigerian lady Lola Ogunyemi, to be the face of a new body wash campaign. Lola was excited for the Opportunity, stated, “Having the opportunity to represent my dark-skinned sisters in a global beauty brand felt like the perfect way for me to remind the world that we are here, we are beautiful, and more importantly, we are valued” (I am the woman in the 'racist Dove ad'. I am not a victim), however the commercial sparked a lot of negative backlash due to the content of the advertisement. Due to all the negative comments and controversy around the ad, it was removed, and Dove apologized if they came off as ‘racist’. Besides the backlash the brand has received, I thought it was a great opportunity for Dove to display a dark-skinned person and show the world that dark skin women are real, and beautiful.

“I know that the beauty industry has fueled this opinion with its long history of presenting lighter, mixed-race or white models as the beauty standard. Historically, and in many countries still today, darker models are even used to demonstrate a product’s skin-lightening qualities to help women reach this standard” (I am the woman in the 'racist Dove ad'. I am not a victim).

Although women are still body shamed and go to extreme measures to get the ‘perfect’ body Dove has launched a “Real Beauty campaign”, encouraging people all over the world to flaunt their imperfections and love themselves. “...viewing body-positive advertisements, as compared to traditional beauty ads, sparks stronger emotional responses, including both positive and negative emotions” (Feeling Bad About Feel-Good Ads: The Emotional and Body-Image Ramifications of Body-Positive Media). Under the Real Beauty campaign is the “Self Esteem Project”, “According to the research, 61% of girls between the ages of 10 and 17 in the U.K. lack confidence and body esteem, while nine in 10 girls with low body esteem are likely to put their health at risk trying to conform to what they believe is expected of them. Dove is spending 1.5 million pounds on the campaign, which also offers free advice and support around the issues of self-esteem on the Dove web site” (Dove spearheads ‘Self Esteem Project’ to salute and honor real girls). Dove works with non-professional models to help with the campaign to help build positive body confidence in the girls.  

Over the past few years Dove has been pushing towards more diversity and knocking out beauty stereotypes. Dove works with people nationwide from infants to elderly people from shades of lighter skinned to shades of darker skins. Big, small, short, tall, slim, hefty, you name it, all types of people. People with physical disabilities, skin conditions i.e, vitiligo. People with ‘bad’ acne, crooked teeth, missing teeth, birth marks, nappy hair, straight hair, short hair, long hair, locked hair, a whole variation of people. Size and color of skin doesn’t define you, when you look at yourself in the mirror you should love every inch of yourself, and if weight is an issue that bothers you, get in the mind set of changing your weight. I just want everyone to know we all are beautiful in our own way.

On their website, Dove welcomes everyone and gives you a feel of comfort that purchasing their product would be one of the best decisions you’ve made in terms of beauty. “Welcome to Dove…the home of real beauty. For over a decade, we've been working to make beauty a source of confidence, not anxiety, and here's where the journey continues. Beauty is not defined by shape, size or color – it’s feeling like the best version of yourself. Authentic. Unique. Real. Which is why we’ve made sure our site reflects that. Every image you see here features women cast from real life. A real life version of beauty...” (Dove). Dove is displaying that there are different forms of beauty.

I love the approach that Dove has taken, it’s allowing the younger generations to see that they are beautiful and that the models they see on tv are superficial, yet the models are beautiful as well. Society has deemed being ‘fat’ to be ugly! Being darker skinned to be ‘ugly’! Being gay abnormal! The beauty campaign of Dove has helped millions recognize that you can look pretty without any makeup and you can love yourself no matter what condition you’ve been diagnosed with. You can still relate to others because we all have imperfections.

Society today has left many of us questioning our true selves. "Am I too fat?", "Am I really ugly?" , "Will I be accepted regardless of my sexual orientation?". Despite pondering our insecurities, DOVE has helped many people like you & me recognize our natural beauty. From my personal experience, using DOVE has made my skin feel so radiantly beautiful which has reflected beauty in my self image. Using DOVE has not only allowed me to recognize the beauty in myself but also in the beauty that would open up to those around me. The DOVE campaign demonstrates a relatively natural use of soap that encompasses beauty and self-image. This soap has a diverse ability to help make us appreciate both our physical and mental forms.   

References

Kraus, A., & Myrick, J. G. (2018). Feeling Bad About Feel-Good Ads: The Emotional and Body-Image Ramifications of Body-Positive Media. Communication Research Reports, 35(2), 101–111. https://doi-org.libserv-prd.bridgew.edu/10.1080/08824096.2017.1383233

JOHN J. WHEATLEY. The Use of Black Models in Advertising. Journal of Marketing Research, [s. l.], v. 8, n. 3, p. 390, 1971. DOI 10.2307/3149585. Disponível em: http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=edsjsr&AN=edsjsr.10.2307.3149585&site=eds-live. Acesso em: 26 nov. 2019.

“Dove Spearheads 'Self Esteem Project' to Salute and Honor Real Girls.” Los Angeles Times, Los Angeles Times, 27 Dec. 2017, https://www.latimes.com/fashion/la-ig-wwd-dove-self-esteem-project-20171227-story.html.

Lee, Felicia R. “Luckily, There's Plenty of Her for Everybody.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 5 Aug. 2007, https://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/05/arts/television/05lee.html.

Lopez, Ricardo. “Tyra Banks on Body Shaming in the Fashion Industry: 'My Pain Turned Me Into a Boss'.” Variety, 6 June 2018, https://variety.com/2018/film/news/tyra-banks-on-body-shaming-in-the-fashion-industry-my-pain-turned-me-into-a-boss-1202834241/.

Ogunyemi, Lola. “I Am the Woman in the 'Racist Dove Ad'. I Am Not a Victim | Lola Ogunyemi.” The Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 10 Oct. 2017, https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/oct/10/i-am-woman-racist-dove-ad-not-a-victim.

“Welcome to Dove.” Dove US, https://www.dove.com/us/en/home.html.

Williams, Lashauna, and Lashauna Williams. “Dressbarn Launches an Empowering Campaign Starring Ashley Graham.” InStyle.com, 7 Dec. 2019, https://www.instyle.com/fashion/ashley-graham-dressbarn-more-than-a-name-campaign.

Dealing with Dysphoria

Hi guys, Eitan here.

As I was being asked by many folks or my friends frequently:

“When and how did you know you were trans?”

“How do you deal with dysphoria?” 

“How do you deal with being a trans guy in Malaysia? Malaysia could be very conservative.”

“How does it work when you transition?”

.......

Okay then. I was quite motivated to write about this so, I will answer them for you! :D

1. I knew I wanted to be a boy when I was about eight-years-old. Dysphoria began when my chest grew like a woman’s size back then. It was painful as hell while my mom and Grandma had to apply some oil to lessen the pain after pinching it. (OUCH) Whereas, I started to hate wearing dresses each time I go to weddings and other formal events; until growing up between ten to eleven-years-old, living in Perth, Western Australia, that is where I started to dress up as a boy and feel the discomfort when I had menstrual bleeding every month. Also, that was the time I even told my speech therapist, Mrs. Davies, that I have the desire to be a boy. Then at the age of seventeen to nineteen is where I started to dig deep into researching about being a transgender man. I outed since 2017 when I had felt dysphoric and uncomfortable wearing female clothes and being labeled as a “beautiful girl”. 

2. To deal with dysphoria, it comes with psychological and physical aspects. I changed my name to Eitan between the years 2017 and 2018, then I started to join support groups for transgender men, whereas I joined Transmen of Malaysia, a support group for local Malaysians who are transmen. While I was swarmed and attacked by conservative, religious views of my gender identity (on a side note, I am a Christian), I helplessly was looking for Christian resources for the LGBTQ+ community, until I got to email Austen Hartke, the founder of Transgender and Christian, and I joined his support group/community/Bible study podcasts. While I deal with dysphoria, I was glad that during the Chinese New Year period, I got to wear chest binders during the festive season. So far, none of my transphobic relatives have said anything about it, except my cousin,  from the US, who was incredibly supportive. Whilst, I did not want to bother about my older sister who was still transphobic and judgmental, yet I do not blame her. Being misgendered and deadnamed were quite complicated for me because whenever I get misgendered, I just try to play it cool and be polite as I correct others instead of losing my temper (especially to those who are open-minded, non-judgmental, and came to terms of supporting me including my parents and friends). However, I confess, I admit that I was wrong in losing my temper at my relatives whom I felt like I was a slave for their approval, and as of now, my sifu, Sifu Yap has taught me repetitively to not overreact and lose my temper. Instead of telling the people I don’t trust, I told the people I trust very much instead, and those who are there for me no matter what. As I represent myself as a transman, even not on T yet, I deal with dysphoria by distracting myself with the activities that really man me up. Besides chest binding, I usually would train my voice to sound masculine enough, also going to the gym and listening to my favorite music would even help a lot. As though I am saving up for testosterone, I acknowledge what I can and cannot change realistically. Yes.  Everyone comes in many different shapes and sizes. Everyone has their own ways of expressing who they are (walk, dress, voice pitch. etc.). Embrace your uniqueness. Don't let society define who you are, it is up to you to define who you are. To define who I am is my choice. It is not others to approve.

3. To be frank with you, being trans in Malaysia could be difficult not until you find a support group. With Malaysia being anti-LGBT due to religious propaganda, all we had to do is to speak up for ourselves and don’t hide in the closet. You must stay close to the people who support you to be safe. Always open up and be very honest about yourself instead of being silent. No matter what people say, it’s just other people’s shit you are carrying, it’s not yours. Love yourself, take care of yourself, and surround yourself with positivity, this is what matters in YOUR LIFE.

4. Last but not least, to be able to transition, first off you must be able to be financially independent and to be able to have the ability to save money. Hormone replacement therapy and surgery could realistically help unless you can afford them. As for FTMs, they have testosterone, and for the MTFs, they have estrogen.

I hope this blog post does answer the frequently asked questions, while I wish you nothing but the best in your life.

Good luck out there. Be yourself, folks.

LGBT - I AM MIRA

My Transgender Journey

   When approaching the discussion of what type of L.G.B.T.Q. individual I might be, I fall in-between Gender Nonconforming and Gender Nonbinary. Personally I call the label: Gender Neutral or Gender Fluid as I deny that I am either male or female...but more like both at once. The only time I will use gender codes is on legal or medical documentation for statue of my genetic sex. I will even refer to myself as male as physically, that is what I think I appear as. For many years I tried to understand this duality of my gender and the only way I could understand it was through the ancient arts of the Animus and Anima.

Animus (David) & Anima (Mira)

   In Carl Jung’s school of analytical psychology, he purposed that there are two primary anthropomorphic archetypes of the unconscious mind. The animus and anima are elements of the personal psyche that makes up the human gender.

   The anima is the unconscious female form of the male body whereas the animus is the unconscious male form of the female body. The anima and animus can be identified as the totality of the unconscious feminine psychological qualities that a man possesses and equal to that a woman possesses, meaning that there is no one gender, but a duel-gender.

   The matter is simplified due to the construction of the human right (female) and left (male) hemisphere lobes of the animalistic brain. Depending on sex, we depend on either the right or left side for critical thinking and this shapes our primary gender. It is not to say that women don’t use their left lobe and men their right. The brain naturally bridges and this forms a non-binary form of thinking. At any time, we think as male and female when we interact socially.

   As children, our animus and anima are quite visible as we try to grasp the existence of being human. This is why we dress, play and find fascination in the non-binary body. As we age, we condition as male or female due to peer pressure, expectations and/or biology. Most lose touch with their second gender and this leads to radical behavior like male aggression and female feminism.

   Depending on how well developed the second gender is...we begin to metamorphoses into becoming transgender.

   The effect of the animus and anima can have naturalizing biological effects on our body through an imbalance of hormones. This can cause a man to form breasts (and be comfortable with them) or female to form facial hair.

   It is my belief that the anima, Mira, is as real is the animus, David; and together they form one biological entity. The malfunction however occurs as the biological sex has given superiority to the animus with the formation of a male reproductive system, muscle strength, lack of breasts, body hair and inability to bear children. Since the anima is also active and has the ability to gain superiority, but compromised by genetics, this causes ‘undesired’ changes to the host body to balance between the two genders.

   The question that I cannot answer is which gender is actually the superior without the aid of DNA? I believe it is totally possible, as in my case, to have the second gender be superior over my sex and this has led me to modifications of my body to balance between the two sexes.

Gender Nonconforming & Gender Nonbinary

   Of all the Transgender communities, gender Nonconforming and Gender Nonbinary do not live within the binary gender narrative. Most transgender individuals gear for an MtF or an FtM with a full switch to the opposite gender giving that sex superiority over the other. Gender Nonconforming (GNC) & Gender Nonbinary (GNB) live in-between genders and can vary to either side of the binary gender, but not as far as giving that gender superiority over the second gender. This makes treating GNB quite difficult as they need to be certain on what their balance is.

So how do you know if you are GNC-GNB?

   First, these individuals may identify as being both male and female; neither male nor female; in-between genders; on the outside of the binary gender spectrum; not having a gender or being totally genderless.

   There are a few who use the term ‘Queer’, which has been reclaimed as a respectful umbrella term encompassing a broad range of gender identities, expressions, and sexual orientations. I however refuse to use this term as ‘Queer’ which carries much passive aggression.

   The art of being Nonbinary evolves and changes rapidly as this group of people are hard to understand and definitions try to express their conditions evolve. Here is a list of GNC-GNB names:

Gender Ambiguous, Pangender, Neutrois, Gender Bender, Gender Blender, Gender Smoothie, Gender Expansive, Masculine Of Center, Feminine Of Center, Androgyne, Gender Fluid and my personal definition: Gender Neutral.

   Another clear sign of being GNC-GNB is how they use their pronouns. People who are Gender Nonbinary may choose to use gender neutral pronouns such as we, us, they, them and their, or other gender neutral pronouns such as zie(ze) (masculine) and hir (feminine).

   So in regard to my own pronouns; an example of a conversation might sound like this:

   ‘Good morning doctor, we been waiting a long time...’ even though I am all alone.

   ‘It’s taken us a few days to recover, but we are doing much better...’ again, alone and speaking for one.

Complicated Process Of Transformation

   As we’ve discussed, transitioning from male to female is not a complete transformation of the sex. It is a balance of the outward gender and internal hormones that activate parts of the dormant brain to bridge both genders. If a GNC-GNB made a full switch MtF or FtM, it would have devastating results if they were truly nonbinary. It is possible for a GNC-GNB to actually be a Transgender without knowing it, further changing to balance the dysphoria.

   When it comes to balancing between David & Mira, this requires self-reflection to find what causes the gender dysphoria; the underlying root to gender transformation. It is rather hard as the goal is not to be male or female but to also have male and female body characteristics all at the same time.

   If you recall the mirror experiment in Article:

A Blind Procedure — A Guess Of Day 1

, the body of a GNC might be best described as how it is mentally seen.

   For example: When someone say, describe your ideal body; I usually revert to the mental image I see: A tall, stocky 6 foot 2 build with low muscle mass…

Face:

   Rounded, pronounced upper cheek bones and normal hairline for my age. Hair is short, cropped to the shoulders with blonde highlights of my youth mixed with brown of my adulthood. My lips are feminine, filled out, but not massive; whereas my nose is masculine in appearance. No facial hair.

Neck:

   Slender, the structure pretty much unaltered from the physical neck.

Shoulders:

   Masculine in shape.

Upper Arms:

   Feminine in shape, low muscle mass and no body hair.

Lower Arms:

   Feminine in shape, low muscle mass and no body hair.

Back:

   No body hair.

Chest:

   No chest hair. My chest is supported by two B-cup breasts, firm and dome-like in appearance. The mammary glands are in full activity (leading to a possibility of discharge and sensitive). Nipples are feminine in appearance with darkened (brown pigmentation) areolas about quarter in size and puffy. The skin is very clear and white which is true when I shave.

Belly & Waist:

   No body hair...belly is rounded, but fat is redistributed to the hips making only one belly roll. The waist is narrow in appearance, but normal for males. The illusion is caused by posture and hips.

Genitalia:

   Feminine pubic hair design with a small flaccid penis that is unable to erect on its own. The main purpose of the penis is for urination. With time and dedication, and erection is possible and sustained by the sensitive glans. The penis should be small enough that it can shrink down into a clitoris like structure, giving the appearance of a vagina...but not. Testicles are small (pre-pubescent).

Buttocks:

   Feminine in size. Rounded and firm, but not large. The buttocks should blend in with the hips.

Upper Thighs:

   Masculine in form, maintaining muscular mass. Body hair here is acceptable if it is light brown or blonde (blonde being ideal).

Lower Legs:

   Feminine in form, but retaining lean muscle mass, but not obvious (no body builder building calf’s). Body hair here is acceptable if it is light brown or blonde (blonde being ideal).

Feet:

   Masculine in form, size 13 as they are now with no different modifications.

   It is through the modifications of H.R.T. to slow down, decrease and stop body hair growth, develop breasts, redistribute fat, feminize the face and stop hair loss on scalp. A reduction in penis and testicular size is also desired and the loss of libido is desired.

   Gender affirming surgery has not been greatly considered and is avoided as it is too quick of a change and unable to adapt to the new form. I have however considered breast augmentation (if breasts get too big) and genital surgery to modify penis into a vagina-like structure as it would be the easiest to live with. I however elect not to go this direction due to cost and mental impact it might have.

The Role Of Mira

   Psychology speaking, the role of Mira is far more developed than previously thought. Mira is the artist, the caregiver and dreamer of my personality. Whereas David is the scientist, authoritarian and researcher of my personality.

   Over the years, Mira has been developing faster than David as seen in skills and career choices. At the beginning (Pre-TG ignorance), I was seen as a strict, orderly, authoritarian and calculating. Due to outward aggression and superior thoughts over females; my animus was trying to become conditioned for my sex. I did not like the person I was becoming and literally overnight, began to mentally change as I left my comfort for a world of community service and care-giving.

   I have never done this before and flourished. Ironically, my ideal image in control was the Gender Neutral appearance with Mira taking the superior role.

   I turned away from science and went into care giving and community service to help others who needed it more than me. My whole demeanor changed, the way I thought of others, the way I talked and even body posture began to change for the feminine side.

   By my late 20s, my gender was reassigned as I hybrid my new found love as a caregiver and scientist and taught children environmental education. It was easily noted by my peers that I was changing as my first year I was very soft spoken and womanly, second year soft spoken and compassionate...hardly showing any aggression. By the third year, openly spoken and orderly, but womanly at the same time. I was even considered by a few L.G.B.T. as being possibly gay.

   It is not to be considered that I wasn’t masculine during this time. I maintained my passive aggressiveness quite well and did not put up with disobedience. Ironically, I hardly participated in ‘male-centrist’ activities like sports, drinking or power posturing. I hardly participated in ‘female-centrist’ activities like maternity, arts and crafts, beauty. I tend to balance between the two.

Mira And Dating

   This part could be an article in its self, but decided to add it under Article: Mira as it seems appropriate.

   Dating as a Gender Neutral individual was not top priority. However, there was once a bond that lasted for ten years before it ended quite abruptly! I was typically attracted to woman (as I am still sexually attracted to women and not men) and found one beautiful woman that ironically fit my mental image of my anima.

   Her name was Ruth, she has beautiful blonde hair with a light red-brown highlights. Her face angular and cheeks pronounced. Nose slightly masculine and lips feminine. Gorgeous green eyes and the fairest skin you’d ever see.

   I could speak to her as if I was speaking to myself! Her body was curvaceous with B-cup breasts and a slender waist with large hips.

   She herself identified as bisexual and could swing either male or female for love interest. I, at the time, was just male...straight and concerned over her sexual preference. It was clear after five years of dating that we were trying to decide who was masculine and feminine in this relationship.

   Ruth certainly did not want to take on the masculine side, probably because she was worried it would offend me. But when it came to dating, she was masculine and even made it clear that she preferred my ‘feminine persona’ over my masculine persona.

   It did not take much work to change into the female in this relationship, it came naturally and I enjoyed it. It made me happy, I could be Mira hiding under the name David as we dated.

   By year 9, our relationship began to deteriorate as I was expecting Ruth to take on the male role. She either did not understand or could not comprehend and her libido got the best of her. I was confused, as Mira (David), I can’t be sexual with someone of my same gender and having a nonbinary female being romantic with a bi female was too much for me and a panic.

   By year 10, (just a year before interest in H.R.T. and accepting I am also Mira), Ruth and I went our separate ways in a way that devastated me! I honestly don’t know how it happened, but it did and it was bad! It was a ten day trip down the Oregon coastline...I thought it would be the perfect scene for a romantic getaway. Just the two of us. Like normal, I resumed being the female and hoped Ruth would take on the masculine role. The first two days were fine, but I began to fall apart. I wanted her to do more, I was driving, cooking, cleaning, paying and leading in this expedition and it wore me down!

   For a brief moment, Mira vanished and David snapped out in a way that was hurtful! My limits were broken and I had doubts about our relationship. But shock came to me when Ruth told me that there was no love between us and we’d never be a partnership...she wanted me to break up with her...she wanted another commitment to someone else. I think she expected me to argue, but I just got up and washed my dishes and put the food away and said “I think your right...we are not compatible!” and I left her to her own device as I showered and cried.

   The trip was cut short and the next day I drove all the way from the California state line to Ruth’s home...broken and hurt. I did not let it show. I was equally pissed how she so easily threw me out. Not even a ‘Love you’ slipped from my lips, she tried to say something, but I just said ‘Goodbye...’ the type of goodbye you say to a love one who has died.

Like Johnny Cash’s song:

She Use To Love Me A Lot...

   I saw her through the window today. She was sittin' in the Silver Spoon cafe. I started to keep going.    But something made me stop...She used to love me a lot.    She looked lonely and I knew the cure. Old memories would win her heart for sure. I thought I'd walk on in. And I give it my best shot...She used to love me a lot.    I sat down beside her and she smiled. She said where have you been it's been awhile. She was glad to see me. I could almost read her thoughts...She used to love me a lot.    She used to love me with a love that wouldn't die. Looking at her now I can't believe I said good-bye. It would only take a minute to turn back the clock...She used to love me a lot.    I remember how good it was back then. And I said it's not too late to start again. We could spend a night together. Take up where we left off...She used to love me a lot.    But I panicked as she turned to walk away. As she went out the door I heard her say. Yes I'm in need of something. But it's something you ain't got...But I used to love you a lot.    I thought she loved me with a love that wouldn't die. Looking at her now I can't believe she said good-bye...She just left me standing there, I never been so shocked...She used to love me a lot.

   Only difference here...I was the woman who got her heart broken and then walked away in the end. The song was bitter sweet when Ruth messaged me 4 months later and asked that we go out for a dinner or movie...to start over again...I never responded. How do you pick up the broken glass of a failure?

   I still loved her, with all my heart. I was a true Davy Jones...heartbroken and heartless. I waited to see the message come through Facebook that officially told the world we were no more. But it never came. I wondered: ‘Did she ever tell her mom and dad about our breakup?’ ‘Tell them about the sexist pig I was?’ I never told my family...it was none of their business, but I think they know as I removed Ruth’s stuff and asked they not ask about her.

   Four months went by and I reflected on the event, ‘Where was Mira?’ ‘Why did I behave like that?’ It was my animus...I know it was! I was aggressive, mean; unruly! And I hated it! I became the very thing that wasn’t me...all over politics, lack of partnership and exhaustion! Ruth was right, we were not made for one another...and if we got back together...what will happen if it happens again? Being hurt once was enough.

   I thought about all she said, tearing apart her words like a puzzle. It then was clear to me: Ruth is bi, but her dominate trait is her animus. Her actions were ‘male’, she was sexually aggressive, overbearing, manipulative, authoritarian and expected everything to be done for her.

   That is how the men in my household acted. She said to me on that fateful trip ‘I think I am attracted to women more than men...’ I think she was trying to either save face for breaking up or wanted to hurt me, I don’t know. ‘You’re taking this much easier than I thought!’ she commented, but she was wrong!

   I wondered, ‘What if I was less like David and more like Mira...if I changed myself...would it make her happier? I can’t live this lie!’ I then began searching for a way to deplete the chemical that ruined our love...testosterone! It was here that Mira took over completely and even to this day works to balance me to what I envisioned myself at age 7. ‘Reduce the testosterone, reduce the androgen...flood your body with estrogen and change!’ I thought. Mira’s thoughts were no longer outside...but now my own.

   Seven months into our breakup and I already tried to change myself using bovine ovaries, but failed as the taste was overwhelming! I feel sorry for the women who have to swallow these shitty pills! With my H.R.T. appointment in place...I thought of something dreadful! Ruth contacted me again, wanting to visit me and I had a change of heart...I said yes, but she never came.

   If there was even a remote possibility of us repairing the past, could she live with a man trying to turn into a half-man half-woman hybrid? Would she accept me for who I really am? Would she love Mira over David? I felt terrible...all I thought was about myself and not of others. 7 months and I wanted to make it better. If I can’t be the man she wants...maybe she can love a Gender Neutral? But how do you tell someone who could share this information with family? Trust? Trust was gone when she said she did not love me.

   ‘Why can’t I just man up and did what she wanted...have sex!’ she made it clear multiple times that I wasn’t satisfying her needs. Even though we were not married, she wanted the experience and I wanted commitment. I though billions of sex crazed men who would have been more than happy to lay with her and she found the only guy who won’t even touch her!

    Sadly, the answer is really simple...just tell her that you are Gender Neutral and about to undergo H.R.T. to become what you are supposed to be...let her decide...what do I have to lose, we are already nothing at this time.

Baby Clothing

There are so many appealing Baby Clothing brands, it can take some time to find the ones that suit your style, work well for your baby, and fit your budget. From choosing the best coming home outfit to stocking your baby's entire wardrobe, consider trying these tried-and-true baby clothes. They're beloved by parents for super-soft materials, thoughtful features, versatility, and style. Based on recommendations from parents in the BabyCenter Community, plus our editors' research and experience, here are the best baby clothes on the market today.

Best affordable baby clothes

Garanimals

Sold exclusively at Walmart, this brand you may remember from your own childhood is still going strong. Parents appreciate that it's inexpensive and has it all: staples from sleepwear to playtime pieces to layette sets. Garanimals is best known for its mix-and-match colors and prints, which make it easy for preschoolers and up to flex their personal style.

  Best coming home baby outfit

Cat & Jack

Just as Target became a retail giant by bringing upscale styling to bargain-priced goods, Cat & Jack makes clothing that looks a lot more expensive than it actually is. Known for its stylish, comfy clothes, the brand also gets props for its wide selection of adaptive clothing, with features like flat seams for kids with sensory differences and hidden openings for kids who wear medical devices. We especially love Cat & Jack's adorable details and baby-friendly features like leggings that actually fit diapered bottoms. Their selection of baby coming home outfits are super cute, too.

Best gender neutral clothes

Gerber

This usable brand is a staple for basic baby and toddler clothing, covering everything from gold fabrics to loungeware to a range of organic baby wear. And they invented ounce! (This is a trademark term, which is why you will see this one-piece apparel when they are named "Bodai Suite," "Crippers," "Lounge," and other names when they are And made by the company.) Parents like it too Gaber creates many clothing sets with multiple coordination items such as pants, onions, PJs, bibs and hats.

Best newborn baby clothes

Monica + Andy

One of the newest brands on this list, the Monica + Andy line is made of GOTS-certified organic cotton. (This means it must contain a minimum of 95 percent certified organic fibers, compared to a minimum of 70 percent certified organic fibers for clothes labeled "made with organic.") The brand's Modern Layette and Hospital Cuddle Boxes take the guesswork out of what new babies need. And though they're pricey, these clothes are beautiful and durable enough to pass down.

Best baby winter clothes

babyGap  

BabyGap is known for classic baby staples; dresses, rompers, and swimsuits; and their famous Gap jeans – baby-size, of course. We also love their line of cozy sweatpants and sweatshirts for babies, many of which have adorable bear ears. babyGap has gotten in on the gender-neutral movement in a big way, too, with a whole neutral section on its site for babies 0 to 24 months.

Best trendy Baby clothing

Tea Collection

This luxury baby brand has a higher price range than some others, but Tea Collection's clothes take their inspiration from beautiful clothing all over the world, making for a vibrant line of sophisticated and modern clothing for babies and older kids. These clothes are well made and durable, so you'll be able to hand them down to future kiddos.

 Best organic baby clothes

Burt's Bees

The company that started out making beeswax candles and lotions also sells soft, organic cotton baby clothes. Their bodysuits, socks, blankets, and sleepers are well made, and a bargain compared to other brands that sell high-end, organic baby clothing.

Best comfortable Baby Clothing

Hudson Baby

 Another "less expensive than it looks" brand that's stiff competition for Target's Cat & Jack line, Hudson Baby/Hudson Children sells stylish basics. It competes favorably in price with offerings from Carter's and Gerber. Their bodysuits, stretchy pants, sleepers, and mix-and-match clothing sets are cute and comfy. And their Touched by Nature line has baby basics in soft, organic cotton.

 Best baby layette

Carter's

With roots going back to 1865, you could say Carter's has been in the baby clothes game for a while. It has everything, including cute coordinating outfits, sleepers and gowns, holiday attire, and shoes – all at very budget-friendly prices. Carter's is known for its Simple Joys line of inexpensive baby basics sold on Amazon, and its Little Baby Basics sets that can outfit a baby in one fell swoop.

How to buy baby clothes

Know how sizing works. Sizing varies from company to company, just like adults. Usually the size will correspond to your baby's age, but not always. And the number on the label isn't an indication of how your child should be growing.

Buy small amounts. Parents typically don’t need a lot of newborn-size clothing, as babies will quickly outgrow it. You also won’t know until you meet your baby what size she’ll start at.

When in doubt… Buy larger. Babies seem to grow overnight! You can always roll up pant legs or tuck in too-long tees between growth spurts.

Look for soft fabrics. New babies have sensitive skin. Some experts recommend all cotton, although soft cotton blends also work for many babies. Organic fabric is often softer than either of them, although usually pricier. “Tagless” clothing, where size and washing information are printed on the back of the neck, sometimes causes skin irritation. If you notice your baby has redness in the area, switch to clothing with tags. You can always cut them out.

Consider how easy a garment is to put on and take off. Buttons are frustrating when you have a wriggly baby. Snaps and zippers come in handy. (Some brands have magnetic snaps.) Look for stretchy neck holes and snaps at the collar, which are great for sliding gently over a newborn's head.

 Make sure it’s simple to change a diaper, too. Steer clear of any baby clothes that don't unfasten easily. Luckily, most baby bodysuits and sleepers have snaps at the crotch. If there’s a diaper blowout and you don’t want to pull a bodysuit up over your child's head, you can gently pull it down over his body instead.

Go for stretchy elastic on pants. It may be tempting to get your little one a pair of blue jeans just like yours, complete with button fly. But unless they have a stretchy elastic waistband, it won’t be fun getting them on your baby.

Stock up on white snap-crotch baby bodysuits. These are an everyday essential, and after they get stained or stretched out, they make great burp cloths or household rags.

https://babythingsonline.com.au/

 Baby & Mother Accessories

Find all you need for maternity and baby care products in one place! From prenatal to pregnancy to postpartum to parenthood, from prenatal to pregnancy to postpartum to parenthood, we’re here for you every step of the way. Because we’re a leading provider to OB/GYNs and hospital maternity wards, we have a unique understanding of what products Baby & Mother Accessories need. We’ve used that knowledge and created a carefully curated selection of mom and baby care essentials, baby diapers and wipes and baby feeding products

Mother's Day is just a few weeks away. Are you ready? How can we choose a gift that’s good enough for these special people who have helped shape who we are? Moms are always on-the-go and typically carry enough with them to keep a small army fed and entertained for a few days. When you go out shopping for Mother's Day gifts, remember that finding the perfect accessories and wallet for mom helps you to work on your day with confidence.

We have best Baby & Mother Accessories

Mother accessories:

ROUGH & TUMBLE

Blow your mom this Mother's Day with the fabulous, new and flying off the Self-Bag of Roof & Tumble. Rough and tumble specializes in a variety of leather accessories such as totes, wallets and shoes. Their leather pieces are timeless and they will never go out of style, which makes them a good value.

The EDC Wallet comes in many different colors, allowing you to match your style. You can choose more than one option. Keep the EDC wallet in your 1904 pack or wear it around your wrist. This wallet fits your cell, cash, and cards for easy organization just for essential needs!

If Mom is wanting something a bit larger, the 1904 Pack is also a great option for a Mother’s Day gift. This bag is versatile and perfect as a diaper bag, backpack or weekend tote. It has four spacious pockets on the inside to help moms stay organized. It also comes in five different waxed canvas colors that are sure to please any mom this Mother’s Day.

ALOHA COLLECTION

Mom needs some Aloha in her life right now, so give her the gift of Aloha Collection travel and beach bags this Mother’s Day. At some point, we’ll all travel or visit the beach again, so give mom something that reminds her of the brighter days ahead once we have flattened the curve.

DUNE JEWELRY

Even before the corona virus crisis began, there was a lot of anger at the experimental gifts. Now most of our day experiences are at home, and there aren't many experiences that can be given this Mother's Day. Although a gift certificate is good for future experience, there is still a way to give an experimental gift on this Mother's Day. Think back to one of your mother's favorite family vacations and capture the memories of this experience with unique designs handcrafted using natural elements from thousands of monumental and spectacular locations around the world with sand and dunes ornaments.

MOBILE EDGE

As a working mom, having a stylish and functional bag is a must. Mobile Edge is a unique and stylish way to get all your gear to and from work. Whether your mom is looking for a new laptop bag to work with or a durable and stylish pony to ride on an airplane, the Mobile Edge Urban Laptop Break is a great gift down the line! Not only does it have enough padding to protect your laptop, but it also has a variety of poly-fur-lined compartments within for storage of your phone, mouse, notebooks, pens, and for some working moms, diapers! This lightweight and stylish laptop bag also gives you the ability to remove the computer padding and carry it as a regular tote, allowing you to truly show off the Tartan cotton-twill lining. With a lifetime warranty, your mom will absolutely love this gift!

JOSEPHINE ALEXANDER COLLECTIVE

If you want to feel good about your purchase this Mother’s Day, look no further than Josephine Alexander. It is a small, women-owned business that provides unique pieces of fashion from artisans all over the world. When you buy from this company, you are helping provide a secure and stable form of income for these artisans, as well as looking into a treasure-trove of purses for moms of all fashion tastes!

We love these Juicy Lime Beaded Earrings for the fun-loving mom. These fruity earrings pair perfectly with margaritas, guacamole & the beach.  What makes them even better is that they are fade-resistant and waterproof. See, we told you they were perfect for the beach!

LAT AND LO

Our lives tell a beautiful story of where we’ve been and where we’re going. Our accessories should represent those special moments and places that shaped us into the person we are, and the person we are going to become. This Mother’s Day, help the special Mother in your life tell her story with Lat And Lo.

 Baby & Mother Accessories

Baby accessories:

FridaBaby Nosefrida

Is sucking snot from your baby’s nose gross? Yup. But is the relief you’ll get when your fussy little one can finally breathe again worth it? You bet. The NoseFrida is the ultimate snotsucker and a much more effective alternative to the traditional nasal bulb. And don’t worry—there’s an air-tight filter to ensure that you won’t get any baby boogies in your mouth.

  UPPAbaby Vista V2 Stroller with Bassinet

There’s so much to love about the Vista, a parent (and baby) favorite that continues to only get better with each new edition. This beautiful, durable stroller features a full-size reversible seat with a full recline, a huge storage basket, a cushy suspension system, outstanding maneuverability, and so many more thoughtful details. (Hello there, gorgeous leather handlebar accents.) The Vista comes with a bassinet for the newborn days and can accommodate up to three children with the addition of a rumble seat and a ride-along board as your family grows.

Solly Baby Babylist + Solly Baby Collaboration Wrap

Soft carriers are a great option for calming a fussy baby and keeping them close, especially during the fourth trimester, but they can be confusing to use. Not the case with the Solly Baby Wrap. This buttery-soft, lightweight wrap carrier is easy to get the hang of (we promise!) and supports baby while also being comfortable for you. It comes in a universal fit for every wearer, and this classic, black-and-natural stripe print available exclusively at Babylist.

Dr. Brown's Natural Flow Original Newborn Bottle Gift Set

The unique venting system on Dr. Brown’s sets these bottles apart from others on the market. The vents eliminate air bubbles during feeding, reducing the amount of air your baby takes in while eating and potentially helping to prevent colic, spit-up and general fussiness. The bottles do take a bit of effort to clean (there are a lot of small parts, and there’s a special brush that’s included in the set), but many parents don’t seem to mind trading a bit more elbow grease for a more content baby.

Haakaa Breast Pump

A manual breast pump is a convenient solution for breastfeeding or pumping parents that’s easy to keep stashed away in a purse or diaper bag. The Haaka takes this ease to a new level—simple squeeze the silicone pump, attach it to your breast and let the suction work its magic. This ingenious pump is compact, travel-friendly and easy to clean and works well for milk expression and for catching milk from your let down on one side while your little one is feeding from the other.

Babybjörn Bouncer Balance Soft

A bouncer is a fun, safe spot for baby to relax and play while you’re busy doing other things, and this minimalist one from BabyBjorn is one of the best. The brilliantly simple design creates an ergonomic seat that moves in response to your baby’s movements. The fabric slips off for easy cleaning in the washing machine, and the bouncer folds flat for compact storage. When your little one gets older, the bouncer can be reversed and used as a chair.

Nuna Pipa Infant Car Seat & Base

There’s a lot to love about this parent favorite car seat from Nuna. For starters, the Pipa weighs only 8 pounds, making it one of the lightest infant car seats around. (Your biceps will thank you!) It’s extra easy to install thanks to a special True Lock safety system and is packed with extra safety features. And don’t forget the high-end fabrics, all flame resistant but without any added fire retardant chemicals. If you’re looking for an even lighter seat, check out Nuna’s Pipa Lite, another parent favorite. It weighs only 5.3 pounds, but just keep in mind that you’ll always need to use it with the base, not with a seat belt.

https://babythingsonline.com.au/

My Cheery Truth

I won’t be naming names of the teams and coaches I’m discussing because it is NOT ABOUT THEM. I am NOT here to shame other women for their actions in a capitalist/racist/ableist/sexist society. That is not in my interest but if you’d like to take this personally and create an angry Facebook post about it, but all means go ahead. I’ll throw you a like and a share for the free promo. Anyway, I want to discuss my relationship to cheerleading. Seen as an excuse to, as Abby Lee Miller said, “shake your pom-poms for some boy to go to college,” cheerleading is always the butt of the joke in our male-centric society. I was bullied for wearing my letterman jacket to school, a real varsity jacket with my many, many national titles running down the sides because it wasn’t a proper school one. I was in countless fights with people at my school defending cheerleading as a sport.

But, the outside bullying is not what I am here to talk about, it is the inner workings of cheerleading that need light shed on them. 

I started cheerleading at 8 years old. A local team where I could go and get my energy out and my mom could help with paperwork and snacks (mainly paperwork though). After my first season, I was placed on another team who’s schedule worked with mine and allowed me to basically cheer year-round (the local team was August-December with the other team being December-May). My time with each of these teams could be novels within themselves so for the sake of time, I will combine all of my experiences and not clarify specifically what happened on which team. I am also doing this for the sake of anonymity because again I am not here to shame anyone for their decisions but rather to tell my truth and allow you to come to whatever conclusion you want about it. 

The bullying was harsh. By 10 years old, I dreaded going anywhere. School was hell due to the intense bullying that happened so harshly every day, from the name-calling to “shut up erica” being the only thing some of my classmates could say to me. Most of the people bullying me were males, little boys who were already power-hungry. I grew scared of men from a young age due to this, and a heap load of other reasons, but I think that’s the root of the shaking that happens inside my body when I am speaking to a man I don’t know. Cheerleading, despite being my escape of sorts, was also hell. I was constantly harassed by coaches and teammates alike for the way I dressed, how my hair looked, my body, my body hair, my face (specifically my eyebrows), my voice, and anything else you can figure out how to make fun of. I actually started shaving my legs at age 13, long before I felt ready because an older girl I cheered with made fun of me for it. 

Looking back, the treatment my coaches and teammates graced me with was similar to how male athletes and coaches treat each other. The way men and women (keeping it binary for the sake of narrative) bully is very different and I got both ends of the stick. As someone who identifies as she/they and a qeer alien of sorts, this makes sense as I have always been a bit in between the genders with no clear distinction (in my head at least) at times (especially as a kid when I was less aware of gender roles). I never caught a break and I never had real friends until high school (besides my cousins shoutout my cousins). While the girls at school usually just showed their scorn for me by not including me in anything, the girls in cheerleading made sure that I knew how stupid they thought I was. Looking back, they were clearly jealous of my stable parents who showed up to everything and the skinny body that I had because I was a child but as a kid, I thought there was something wrong with me. And the coaches did not help. In fact, they made it worse. Now, this is not to say that every coach I ever had made my life a living hell, but I rarely had a coach that defended me or cared about my well being in general or when it came to the harassment I faced from my teammates. While other girls could chat and tumble on the side of the mat all day long without so much as a glance towards them from the coaches. But, if I spoke to a teammate in the same instance I was screamed at and made to run laps. This happened countlessly over the years until I was 17 and one of the oldest on my team. I was told to be a role model but my role models didn’t know the first thing about mature behavior, from stealing routines to caring more about the labels on their bags than what was in their hearts, it was a MESS.

There was one instance where a teammate of mine would not stop speaking while we had to warm up stunts. I couldn’t focus and made a comment to this teammate. My comment definitely had an attitude all over it because I was in the midst of my last season, as I was about to age out, and I was fed up. The teammate gave me attitude back and I rolled my eyes and made a gesture behind their back (nothing obscene, just a what the fuck motion of the arms). The coach, who had witnessed this entire exchange, scolded me for being a jerk. The teammate I had this altercation with was a male so maybe that had something to do with it. I don’t know just a thought. Anyway, I felt this was an issue and an attack on me as the coach felt she could scold me but not him for behaving in a way that was, in my opinion, worse, as he wasn’t listening to the coach’s instructions to shut and warm up. Every time this happened I felt more like the clueless 8-year old I started the sport as rather than the confident woman I became when I was nailing my level four skills.

As a kid and even as an adult, my body is never seen as a problem in the sense of being fat. As a teenager when I’d practice in my sports bra, I was bullied for the size of my belly button and the hair below it rather than for my weight. My weight was never a target of any scorn (to my face at least). It still has never been and this is a PRIVILEGE that I didn’t recognize until college. I never heard horror stories about dieting or weight loss pertaining to my other teammates. I don’t know if it was because I wasn’t around when it was discussed or if it was because of my obliviousness as a kid but now as an adult, I know that these conversations and side comments were obviously made and shaped the look of the sport in a major way. 

My teams’ would occasionally go to another gym in the area to practice. I will make no comment about the character of the owner of this gym but I will tell a story that changed my entire perspective about cheerleading. This owner ran a tight ship and I knew that as I had known her since I was 7 or 8. I was always careful to say hello to her with a smile and not cross my arms in her gym. Anyway, one day, years after I had taken the mat for the last time, I found out that she had told one of her athletes that she would be on a higher level team if she wasn’t fat. Those are not the exact words the owner used but the gist of it was that she would have the opportunity for higher placement if she was smaller. I am not going to go into why someone, an adult especially, should not say this to someone else, a child specifically, because if you don’t understand what is wrong with that then this is not the zine for you.

ECN

Shame on The Economist. But mostly, Fuck Sports!

There is no getting around it...this is one of the most bafflingly wrongheaded article, subhead and leading image I have ever encountered. What’s even more frustrating is that the Economist is the kind of publication that doesn’t subscribe to the notion of naming the  journalists behind a piece. Leaving me with limited options, chief among them is to think that the entirety of the Economist is endorsing these Terfy views, and is proving themselves ill equipped to write about trans issues and undermining the whole magazine. The economist, by and large, is a pretty decent rag. A magazine that i believe many traditional college aged kids get exposed to as a taste of more “sophisticated fact and data driven reporting.” A magazine for those, “I don’t have time for the frivolity of click bait gotcha journalism, my palette is too refined, I am too insufferable, too enlightened, to ever read conventional byte-sized news.” Types. Here’s a catchphrase for the Economist to hang up in their nitrous oxide room: “If you want to see a larger glimpse of the world outside of your hamburger and lily-white lies give the Economist a try.” This Is something a professor said to me once while he was teaching dressed up as a little Catholic school girl. The sort of bawdy level base line understanding of gender bending this particular Economist article seems to have a grasp on. 

This article isn’t even being labeled as an editorial piece, but instead found underneath its “Leaders” section. Sharing the same space alongside a piece condemning the world’s treatment of the Uyghurs. This week’s edition of the magazine also offers a story on Russian artist and activist, Yulia Tsvetkova so in no way do I think this entire organization needs to be dragged through the bowels of the outrage machine. There are much much worse publications out there, but I think this article represents how much work we as a species have towards building a more sympathetic and complex view of human gender fluidity and the sexual spectrum. I reject the world that people are born as either boys or girls and organized professional sports is an institution built around this time honored tradition. 

My overriding complaint is the lack of imagination of not only the writer of this highly misguided article, but also Sports in general. There has never been a time in human history where sports have been as irrelevant to our lives and wellbeing as America leads the descent towards a fascist totalitarianism, but let’s make sure we give all the fit and bulky people as many concussions as they can handle. Professional and organized sports can afford to downsize. Until these giant corporate sporting leagues devise creative solutions to find ways to be as safely and respectfully inclusive as possible, until they invest heavily in science to protect players from long lasting brain injuries, until these corporations stop policing the political expression of its players in regards to Black Lives Matter and other relevant issues, until we stop elevating people into heroes and idols for them to only end up enabling the worst possible abusive aggressive masculine behavior, until we can collectively defeat covid-19 I do not see the rush towards rushing back into the same industrial scale.  

People, artists, creative people, all types of people should still play sports and get as much exercise as possible. Jocks and meat heads should also be encouraged to explore other hobbies and forms of expression as well. Nothing good has come out of building up the scope and size of professional sporting leagues, and as far as I can tell its main reason for existing is helping egg shaped men own and trade people like chattel. Tom Scharpling from the Best Show for years has been ragging on the type of sports team fandom where fans refer to sport teams with the find of familiarity an actual active participant has. Sports are entertainment and frivolous, not the very beating heart of a nation. Sports are just a way to get on the Jumbotron Kiss Cam and lean into what looks like your hot perfect spouse’s face, you, instead, lean into the dog sitting in her lap. If your teams are actively making trans people feel shitty about their bodies, and if celebrating their wins is too big of an inconvenience for sports spectators and blowhard commentators then it’s clear to me that professional sports and sports leagues are in need of a serious reduction, and possibly thrown out altogether. But that will never happen. People love them some sports. The great locker room unifier. The slapping ass towel that slaps away our differences and helps us come together. 

If you want to watch a good sports movie go check out Alita Battle Angel’s motorball. A sport that really doesn’t care how much or how little testosterone you have. Now if you don’t mind I’m going to go yell at the father who was never there for me in my life.

The Top 3 Secrets to Buying Apparel

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Why should you buy apparel? Giving series to promote your company is by far the #1 direct marketing ability sort with annual sales estimated at $5.6 billion. Nearly 30% of all promotional purchases are apparel. Fashion, model and chamber along with your brand statue are a magical combination. Before you put your final plans into action, let's clear away the chaos and makes your answer easier. There are 3 field to consider: texture function, gender situation and quality. By focusing on these 3 areas, you can makes a better variety for what caress best for your project and budget. Next, I'll tell you some common goofs to avoid when buying apparel. Finally, you will see answers to some frequently-asked client questions.

THE TOP 3 SECRETS TO BUYING APPAREL

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What is your garment going to be doing? How will it be used? Begin with the fool in mind. Corporate clients and non-profit groups are now observing for formations and office as a key consideration.

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Look inside the garment for quality. You will see double-needle hems on better garments, two rows of stitching sewn parallel to each other. Look at the shirt's neck and shoulders and you'll finds an inch of mesh sewn over the inside seams. Taped neck seams, taped shoulder conventions and simulacrum needle hems secure the seams, encouragement the garment maintain its word and give a more finished appearance.

Apparel pressure (light, media or heavy weight) is not the best index of a garment's quality. Lightweight is approx 4 oz. per intersection lot of fabric; media pressure is about 5 oz. and heavyweight is approx 6 oz. Weight will also vary among fabrics. For example, the often-seen white t-shirt of dozens famous brands is available in both a 5 oz. and a 6 oz. weight. While the lighter garment is more economical, a white tee blouse is somewhat transparent and revealing. On the other hand, the ultra popular Under Armour brand features t-shirt styles that are super thin and utility very illumination confidence merit fabrics.

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1. Champagne tastes on a beer budget

Don't expect too much. If you buy the lowest spoil garment, don't expect it to endure heavy disintegration and frequent washings.

2. Unisex dressing for manhood and women

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3. Equating net burden with quality

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FAQ's - FREQUENTLY ASKED AND ANSWERED

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First, determine whether the outfits is creature used as an agent or a promotion.

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Decoration techniques include embroidery, applique, screen printing, digital printing, laser etching or multimedia (rhinestone, nail heads, or crystal transfer). The makes of garment and the web will usually dictate how it is best decorated. For example, very thin disposition clothes cannot be sewn so screen printing with special inks must be used.

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I've read at least five articles now critical about the vogue story and in all of them the writer label Z and G straight and their assumed straightness seem to be their biggest issue with the story. They're so horribly heteronormative, labeling people who haven't stated their sexuality, Zayn hasn't and I don't think Gigi has either, (nor have they talked about their gender identity), and the heteronormativity is so hypocritical considering the issues they're having with the vogue story.

my biggest thing is that the article is about fashion. it’s about this sudden surge of interest in gender neutrality and subversion and fluidity wherein creators and designers are able to completely ignore what is traditionally “male” and what is traditionally “female” and are able to focus on the clothes– the fabrics, the shapes, the dynamics, and the statement pieces they can make by mixing up cuts and patterns. 

it’s about the fact that people want gender neutral clothing, because despite how much we chant CLOTHES DON’T HAVE GENDER! department stores still sell us very different clothing and very different styles, and “women’s” clothes especially are a goddamn horror when it comes to sizing and cuts and fabric. 

and we don’t want the gender expectations given to us when we put on clothes either. that’s the goddamn point of the goddamn article. it’s about the clothes. it’s about the way the industry and people, especially this generation, are very interested in clothes that can fit anyone, that everyone would wear, that aren’t gendered. 

gender subversion isn’t a new conversation in the world of fashion. quite the opposite. high fashion especially has always nudged those lines and rubbed up against them, but the point is that we’ve gotten past the shock value of it and now it’s just genuinely what people are interested in. now it’s marketable. 

and it’s marketable because young people like Zayn and Gigi and Anwar and Jaden Smith and Ruby Rose have no gendered expectations for clothing. clothes are just clothes. they’re meant to be worn, they’re meant to be an exploration of self.

which is a beautiful segue into a point Singer (the person who wrote the article) makes. that “gender is a more or less arbitrary distinction, a boundary that can be traversed at will.”Singer talks about how removing the gender aspect from fashion allows people to explore their identity and that may lead them into realizing they’re trans or nonbinary – or simply a different brand of binary than they originally anticipated – because a whole barrier of expectation is completely removed. one less hurl to jump through.

and like, these conversations have been had before, but it’s always been about the cis aspect, about the radicalism in subverting gender roles and gender expectations. 

and that is definitely important. gender roles play a huge part in masculinity, in patriarchy. they inform bias, cultivate prejudice, so it’s as important to talk about dismantling gender roles as a cis person as it is as a trans or nonbinary person. 

but the fact that Singer does talk about trans and nonbinary people, literally names and quotes them, is the best part of this. these are ongoing conversations, but it’s rarely about the trans and nonbinary aspects. it’s rarely about how trans and nonbinary people finding comfort in fashion. it’s rarely about the realizations one might have once that arbitrary line is crossed. 

I’m not the type of person to call out buzz words, but so many people are taking the ‘gender fluidity’ bit of this and running their asses off with it, missing the point completely. Singer literally uses ‘gender fluidity’ in this article the same way another might use ‘gender bending’ or ‘androgyny’; both of which are outdated terms – using gender fluidity or gender neutrality is far more current when talking about this type of thing.

it’s actually beautiful the way Singer used Zayn and Gigi to lure readers in and instead of asking them what they do when they’re not working and how many hours a day they spend looking into each other’s eyes, she used it as a platform for gender talk, as a platform to talk about how fashion and clothes enable exploration of identity in unexpected ways. 

Zayn and Gigi’s statements were just her empirical evidence. they corroborated her point. it’s not a big deal that they raid each other’s closets because clothes don’t have a gender and they shouldn’t. it should be about the statement of it, the clothes themselves and not what expectations other people have when you wear those clothes.

and like, Zayn actually said his Versus line was created with gender neutrality in mind. how is he not the person to have this discussion with. especially when paired with the world’s most sought after model. 

we’re always going on about letting brown boys be soft and letting them explore masculinity in a way that’s unexpected, but we’re going to ignore it when a brown boy deliberately does it and talks about the fact that it is deliberate to focus on the fact that Singer used ‘gender fluidity’ in a way that we didn’t like.

ok.

Why Hair Matters

This is a presentation I gave at the Comics and Popular Arts Conference at DragonCon 2017 during the Race, Gender, and Culture in Comics panel titled “Why Hair Matters: Negotiating the Politics of Black Hair in Pop Culture” Transcript is below

In this presentation, I interrogate the representation of black hair within the realm of superheroes in comic books, film, and television series. Taking into consideration the time period and political climate which they were created I analyze black characters like Misty Knight, Storm, Black Lighting, and others. In particular, I analyze illustrative changes to their hair and hypothesize how this impacts the character with regard to the way he or she is perceived.

I am focusing on the visual elements that have proven to be common in the design of African American superheroes in the DC and Marvel universes and how those elements function as signs with larger symbolic meanings and cultural significance. Since readers can differ when it comes to gender, age, cultural background, etc images and symbols can have different meanings. A symbol can stand for something different depending on who interprets it. Because of this, certain signs can become complex sites of meaning, when the writer doesn’t poses the cultural knowledge of the subject.

The superhero Black Lightning was DC’s first African American character to get his own solo title. This did not happen until 1977 and like most minority characters in media his existence was quite political. Black Lightning’s civilian identity is an Olympic decathlete turned school principle named Jefferson Pierce.  

The original artist for Black Lightning was Trevor Von Eeden, a young black illustrator who was brought in to offer some insight into this new black character. He designed the look of Black Lightning, including his outfit, except for one very important detail.

Black Lightning’s most distinctive characteristic is that he wears a white mask to shield his identity. That mask is also somehow attached to an afro wig. Now, Jefferson Pierce himself has short hair but when he dons the identity of Black Lightning the act of augmenting his already existing hair to make it longer can be read as a radical act. In an interview Von Eden said “I did NOT design the afromask! I say this because in the 70s, when he was created, the afro was a black man’s symbol of pride, and self-respect, his singular identity. For a black superhero to remove his hair (or… put ON his hair) as part of his identity was certainly… odd. For a black man to do so was, shall we say, tellingly symbolic. And definitely NOT my idea.”

Within the black community, hair has always been at odds with societal conventions. In a society that values westernized beauty standards, closely cropped, “neat”, and straight styles are often considered more professional and safe. Thus, choosing to wear black hair the way it naturally grows out of one’s head can be considered a political statement. During the 1960s afros were worn by black political figures of the Civil Rights Movement and became not only a fashion statement but more importantly a signifier of political expression and pride. Pierce’s, professional job as a school principle would never have allowed him to have a large afro in civilian life so his use of this afro-wig as part of his superhero costume serves as a perfect disguise to make him completely unrecognizable.

Scholars have claimed that this costume serves a purpose of making an ethnic minority character “more ethnic” as if adding bigger hair will get the point across that Black Lightning is indeed black or proud of his blackness. He is often shown in many individual panels putting on and removing the afro-mask or holding it under one arm like some odd trophy.  The comics make sure to show the reader that his mask is indeed a mask. Pierce’s ability to add and remove his afro at will shows a contradicting acceptance and rejection of his afros meaning. During the Civil Right Movement the afro became a signifier of strength and perseverance, striving to be a symbol of justice and power and rightness in his neighborhood it’s often disappointing to see his disembodied afro-mask sitting silently on a shelf while Jefferson Peirce teaches the children of his neighborhood during the day.

Around that same time, Marvel introduced its first black female superhero. Our first introduction to Ororo Munroe is in the 1975 issue of Giant Sized X-Men #1 where she is introduced not as a mutant but as a self-proclaimed goddess in Kenya. She is using her powers of weather control to aid a local village suffering from a drought.

She is shown standing in front of a large stone altar as villagers cry “Ororo, great goddess of the storm come ease us of our burden!” She is only wearing a skirt and headdress, everything else covered by long flowing white hair. Each panel after uses her hair to illustrate movement but also as a demonstration of her power. We know that she is manipulating wind and weather because of the different sweeps of her hair in each panel. It also conveniently covers her chest no matter which way her body is contorted.

The comics also use her hair as a physical reminder of her goddess like powers. Having this unreal long, straight, stark white hair visually separates her from the villagers and indicates a person who doesn’t have the concerns a regular woman would about having hair. She doesn’t have to keep it a manageable length or styled, she’s a goddess! It can also be argued that the length and texture of Storm’s hair reflects an idea that she is better than other people. She refers to herself as a goddess, her first introduction into the comic we see her on a pedestal, long hair flowing around her. Historically a women’s worth was often defined by the length and quality of her hair, so illustrating Storm in this manner could function as a signifier of her status.

In Uncanny X-Men #173 which was published in 1983 and the year we get Mohawk Storm. We see an entirely new Storm here. She reveals this new look at Wolverine’s wedding, honestly for the drama of it all, her long flowing strands cut into a Mohawk while also wearing an entirely new outfit made of leather. Her new look is so shocking Kitty Pride cries and runs away. Storm’s response to Scott asking her why she changed her look is, “I had my reasons, Scott. Am I not allowed?!” In many cultures the act of cutting off a woman’s hair can be used as a punishment or humiliation or even to show a change in status, again, as an act of taking away a woman’s worth or beauty. But Storm, especially being labeled a goddess cutting off her own hair is an act of demonstrating her own body autonomy. She no longer feels the need to keep the hair of her old self. Or her X-Men costume for that matter.

We see a contemporary version of this Storm as actress Alexandra Shipp portrays the young orphan in X-Men Apocalypse.

Possibly the most famous iterations of Storm are when she is played by actress Halle Berry in the X-Men movies. Over the course of 14 years and four movies this version of Storm has had four different hair styles and colors, none of which are canon to any of her comic book styles. In contrast to the comic book illustrations, these shorter, stiff, stick straight synthetic wigs do nothing to indicate her powerful wind-controlling abilities, nor do they function in the same way to symbolize her status as a goddess.

Like Storm, Misty Knight’s hair has gone through a few journeys since her introduction. Her questionable hair choices have been a prominent discussion among fans for years.

Misty first appeared in 1975 in Marvel Premiere issue #21. Misty has a smaller tapered afro fairly common of the female fashions of this time frame. She continues with this hair style through the 1980s until she was reimaged in 2006 in Heroes for Hire.

In this book she seems to change hair styles throughout panels, something I have noticed is a common treatment for Misty. In issue 1 alone she goes from having braided hair in the front to having it gelled down straight. She also has a stylized dent in top of her hair giving her something reminiscent of what I like to call “wolverine points”.

During the 2011 run of Heroes for Hire we are introduced to Misty Knights infamous and confusing straight bangs which she continues to have during the 2013 Fearless Defenders run. The bangs are an issue for multiple reasons. As a woman of color who has at least a minor understanding of my own natural hair the process in which Misty would have to go through to straighten her bangs while still wearing the rest of hair natural is a laborious task. She is either flat ironing them every day (multiple times a day?) but if she used that process whenever her hair got wet it would curl back up again, something simple like working up a sweat while fighting would return her bangs to their natural texture.

In this panel, we see her swimming in the ocean and after she comes up her bangs are still straight. Her afro is also the same round shape while she is submerged in the water and when she surfaces. This signifies the creators of this comic don’t understand basic hair physics, regardless of hair texture. Her other option would be using a chemical relaxer. A chemical relaxer is the process of using a strong and damaging chemical paste to straighten curly or afro textured hair. This process is not reversible. Relaxers are a huge discussion within the natural hair community. A lot of us are coming up from a lifestyle of relaxing our hair and removing that damage involves cutting off the relaxed hair and letting the natural hair grow out. Therefore, I find it hard to believe that Misty would relax the front of her hair no matter how fashion forward. Having natural hair and bangs isn’t impossible but the way Misty’s are drawn are not achievable unless she is doing something to alter the texture of them, which they never show us.

In issue 4 of the 2011 run of Heroes for Hire shows my biggest grievance with Misty’s hair. It shows that the illustrator does not understand the basic science of natural black hair AT ALL. Misty’s hair is drawn reminiscent of a large pom pom with a static electricity issue. The ends of her hair are straight, almost as if the hair that grows out of her head is actually straight and just stands up on end to make her afro.

In this hospital scene, Misty is dealing with the aftermath of her phantom pregnancy by Danny Rand which made her very sick, she is laying in a hospital bed with her neck completely off the pillow here as if her afro is solid and propping her head up.

In 2014 we start seeing some versions of Misty where she has a more realistic and contemporary take on her hair. In the Daredevil Dark Night series we see her still with her red headband but we also see her afro in a more curl defined modern shape. It isn’t really fashionable for black women to wear their natural hair completely picked out and round. We normally go for a more curl defined look which also causes the hair to lay a little flatter than picking it out would. She still has her bangs here but they have a curlier texture.

In 2015 we get Secret Love which is part of the Secret Wars anthology. It’s a book of one shot love stories from a different universe including platonic as well as romantic love. For Misty, we get a glimpse of what her relationship with Danny would be like if they were married and had a child, possibly the one from her phantom pregnancy. Her hair here is the same type of contemporary style, more defined curls, even a rounder shape but still not the picked out cotton ball of her pervious hair.

The most important part of this comic for me is the last panel. Here we see Misty and Danny sharing a very intimate moment. Misty has her prosthetic arm off, in relaxed clothes and asking Danny to do her hair. Hair within the black community is ritual. Misty trusting Danny enough for him to be doing her batu knots or even the fact that he knows how to do them is almost unheard of. I don’t know any women, with a black husband or not, that would trust them enough to do their hair. To have Misty sharing this moment of intimacy and culture with Danny is extremely powerful.

Like previous writers of Misty, Jeremy Whitley is also a white man, but he wrote the comic as a reflection of his life. Jeremy’s wife is African American and he made sure to consult her throughout the story. In an interview he did with BlackGirlNerds.com he said “I originally had written microbraids into the last page.  However, my wife read the story and her first questions was “How long is this last scene?”  I said, based on the length of the two movies they watch that it was between 4-6 hours.  I was informed that not only was this an unlikely amount of time for this, but that it was unrealistic.  Having waited most of a day while my wife got microbraids in the past, I realized she was correct and decided to go with bantu knots instead.” Misty’s bantu knots are also a look into what goes into the texture of her hair in this comic. Bantu knots are often used as a form of “twist out” or protective style that also helps define the curls in natural hair. Misty may wear these knots as a hair style for a day or two and then take them out, or just sleep in them and undo them in the morning. The result will be larger defined curls and volume.

A real life example of that is Simone Missick’s hair in the Netflix Luke Cage series. Much to my excitement they also went with a more contemporary take on Misty’s hair for this iteration. I know I personally was so excited to see her hair represented this was and I wasn’t the only one.

Essence magazine wrote an entire article about what products Simone uses on her hair to achieve her Misty Knight curls.

She even gets asked on twitter by fans.

Representation is important and Simone knows that. Simone was asked in an interview what she thought the most important thing playing Misty for her was. She said “To be able to have my natural hair on TV, that will encourage so many more women who wear their hair natural who are told it’s not professional enough. I think it’s encouraging to all women to be who you are.” This is a powerful and relevant statement in our current political climate. So many women are not allowed to wear their natural hair to work for fear of being fired or not taken seriously. Girls are getting kicked out of school for having braids or are being told their afro is “too distracting”. The hair of black women has become a subject of political discussion but having positive, powerful role models in media is assuring.

This brings us to the two newest black female superheroes, Riri Williams and Lunella Lafyette aka Iron Heart and Moon Girl. I was ecstatic when these two girls were introduced because not only were they young and smart and black but they also wore their hair naturally curly. It would have been very easy for Marvel to just draw these girls with straight hair. Nothing about the character inherently warrants them to have natural hair but they still do and that is important especially in a world where natural hair is becoming more common, especially in the younger generation. I’ve met teenaged girls who have never had their hair relaxed before, which was unheard of when I was growing up. The choice to give these two new young characters natural hair affects not only society’s expectation and value of women with natural hair but also how the representation of that hair affects young women of color and their relationship with their hair. But even me, a 28-year-old professional woman, saw these little girls and I got excited. I myself have only been natural for a little over a decade. That representation is important for everyone.

In issue number 15 of Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur we see a crossover with Riri Williams. We get a great interaction with these characters and even a moment where Riri stops herself from thinking she can tell Lunella what to do and makes the connection that Lunella is a smart and capable girl that can make decisions for herself.  However, a big problem I had in this issue is a scene between Lunella and her mother.

We get visuals here, Lunella sitting between her mother’s legs while she braids her hair. Lunella looks mad, like most little girls are when they are getting their hair done but the dialogue here has some issues. Lunella doesn’t think having her hair done is necessary right now. She say “Its ok if I need to mess up my hair when saving the world.” And her mother responds to that with “You need to look respectable, Lunella.” “Respectable” is in bold type. The writers of this comic did not see an issue with this wording and have said they didn’t mean anything by it but using the word “respectable” in regards to black hair is not something to take lightly.

When writer Brandon Montclare, was asked about this on Twitter his response was “And certainly not saying you have to like it or cant find it problematic! But that criticism extends beyond the writer.” This implies the reader is to blame for being offended by this panel instead of the writer understanding that his words, especially words said by a black character being written by a white male, may have a stronger implication than intended. They are implying that Lunella, or by extension little curly haired girls everywhere, need to have combed, styled, or neat hair to be seen as “respectable”. A sentiment black people have been fighting against since the Civil Rights Movement. To have this mentioned in this comic, marketed towards children, and have it not be a source of commentary but stated as nonchalant fact is alarming. This book and these characters can be used celebrate black culture and black girl genius, not teaching girls to police their hair and conform to white western standards of beauty to be taken seriously.

In conclusion, there is an obvious connection between good representation of black hair drawn by artists who have a personal understanding of the cultural significance. In analyzing the newly introduced black female characters, I am both hopeful and apprehensive, since white artists still dominate the genre and contribute to harmful stereotypes about black hair whether they intend to or not. Hopefully future comic adaptations will continue in the vein of the current Misty Knight and continue to improve hers and other character’s representation. And obviously involving black artists who have first hand knowledge of the cultural attitudes toward hair would be a huge improvement.

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oops, i think i’m autistic

this is a text for people who have just realized, or are beginning to wonder that they might be autistic. i will try to give you some keywords and language to describe and understand your experiences.

this will not be about pursuing a diagnosis or getting external help. these can also be very important steps, but in this text i will only try to shed some light on experiences that are often silenced by the neurotypical mainstream.

autistic burnout

being autistic is as wonderful as it is hard.

the fact that you are just now considering that you might be autistic can mean that you are experiencing what we call autistic burnout. it can occur together with or independent from a classical burnout. autistic burnout often includes the loss of abilities and increased visibility of autistic traits.

the long text “help, i am getting more autistic” explains many things that can lead to showing more autistic traits, like increased outside expectations, stress from other sources, autistic burnout and others.

communication

being autistic means that we struggle with neurotypical communication, both verbal and nonverbal.

we may avoid eye contact, we may not be able to read faces. we may not be able to understand or use facial expressions, body language or tone of voice in the same way neurotypical people do.

many of us use scripts to make communication easier. that means we have specific words or sentences that we say in specific situations. like saying “good morning” to your coworkers, we might have a script for “what to say when people ask me how i am doing” or “how to explain my health problems to doctors” or “how to react when someone is feeling scared”. some of us come up with scripts on their own, others use phrases they have heard or read somewhere else (this is also called echolalia).

we may use autistic body language that is very different from neurotypical body language. we may react very differently to any stimuli. many of us laugh or smile when we are distressed. many of us move rapidly when we are happy. these are just some examples - we are all wonderfully different.

our social interactions are markedly different from non-autistic social interactions. many of us prefer to be direct and honest over hiding our points in words that mean something else. we often use parallel conversations were 2 or more people talk to each other, but everyone is talking about something completely different.

social difficulties

those of us who are usually verbal may experience “going nonverbal”, that means losing the ability to speak for an amount of time. many of us struggle at keeping up conversations, finding the right words in the right time and getting other people to understand us.

many of us have a hard time trying to understand concepts that are important to neurotypicals. this can include problems with understanding abstract words or lacking the ability to understand other people’s intentions.

many of us have prosopagnosia, that means being faceblind, which means we cannot remember and recognize faces.

many of us have alexithymia, that means we cannot identify and name our emotions, even though we feel them very clearly.

our social difficulties often makes us susceptible to manipulation and deception. when we try to understand and mimic social rules, we are not always successful.

sensory experiences

many of us have difficulties with sensory processing. we may get overwhelmed by loud noises or bright lights. touch may be very unpleasant or painful to us. we may have sensory hyper- or hyposensitivities. we might struggle to remember images or sounds. we might have trouble interpreting what we are seeing or hearing, even if we do not have vision or hearing impairments. (another keyword is “auditory processing disorder”.)

we might be very sensitive to taste and smell - or we might need intense tastes and smells to feel comfortable.

many of us experience synaesthesia, that means we associate different senses with each other. numbers may have colours, sounds may have shapes or feelings may have directions.

stimming

many of us crave controlled sensory input. the act of giving ourselves this controlled sensory stimulation is called stimming. stimming can be thousands of activities - it can be rocking, pacing, clapping, fidgeting, chewing, touching or looking at good things, there are acoustic stims, vestibular stims, taste and smell and pressure stims, the possibilities are endless! stimming is wonderful and natural.

thought organization

we seem to have a different kind of thought process than non-autistic people do, but there are huge differences between the ways autistic people think as well! some of us think mostly visually. others cannot think in images at all. some of us think in words or echolalia, others don’t use words in their mind. there’s an amazing variety in the ways our minds work.

many of us have executive dysfunction. it can be hard for us to do even simple tasks. we may have to re-learn the same thing over and over again. we may get overwhelmed by tasks that are too big for us. we may have trouble figuring out the single steps that make up a complex task. we may struggle with initiating tasks or switching tasks.

on the other hand, many of us experience hyperfocus, where we just sink into whatever we are doing, completely forgetting about the outside world for hours on end.

routines

one of the ways we deal with both sensory processing difficulties and executive functioning problems are routines. having routines means doing the same thing in the same way always, it means having a reliable reference and a frame that gives our lives shape.

familiar surroundings and reliable planning are important for many of us. we may plan ahead meticulously. many of us react very strongly to change in routines or plans. having things and surroundings stay the same can be very important for our functioning and wellbeing.

special interests

being autistic often also means having one or more special interests. special interests are things that we get very excited about. we collect information on our special interest, or we have the need to do it as much as possible. it’s more than just a hobby - it’s a special and wonderful hobby. we may have the same special interest for all our lives, or we may have many different special interests, each only lasting a few days. we may find ever new things or come back to old favourites or we might be simply too tired to have a special interest again.

emotions and empathy

some of us do not experience empathy at all, others are hyper-empathic, others experience it only partially. empathy has many different aspects: you can “feel what others feel”, you can try to “put yourself in their shoes” to imagine what you would feel in their situation, you can react to their emotions with your own emotional response. however, all of this requires you to read their emotional state first, which can be very hard for us.

one of the misconceptions about autism is that we are supposedly “emotionless”. the truth is, many of us are extremely sensitive. we can develop ptsd from experiences that others would not even classify as traumatic.

another myth is that we are unable to lie or understand irony and sarcasm at all. while it is true that we often struggle with detecting irony and sarcasm, most of us can still understand the concept and use it.

it is also untrue that we lack “theory of mind”. we are well aware that other people have different thoughts than we do, which is exactly the reason why it is hard for us to guess what other people may be thinking or feeling.

stress reactions

many of us respond to sensory overload, emotional overload, routine changes or other stress factors with shutdowns or meltdowns.

meltdowns are an explosive stress reaction that can range anywhere from “i am upset” to “i am endangering myself and/or others” or “i am destroying objects”. meltdowns can be internalised or externalised.

shutdowns is when we go silent and become very calm. we may freeze or drop on the floor. we may dissociate.

sensory overload, shutdowns and meltdowns can happen several times per day or once every couple of years. severity and frequency can change for any given person over the cause of their life.

there is no one way to be autistic

autism is just the way our brains are wired. we still have unique personalities.

we come in all shapes and sizes, in all genders and sexual orientations, we exist in all races and cultures. we don’t grow out of autism. we are autistic from before we are born and stay autistic for all our lives.

our autistic traits are also influenced by other neurodivergences. personality disorders, ptsd, adhd, ocd, schizophrenia, and everything else can influence the way we experience or display our autism.

it is important to recognize that there is no hierarchy between different “types” of autism. people who were diagnosed in childhood are not generally better or worse off than people who were never diagnosed. we experience different kinds of ableism: dehumanization and dismissiveness.

functioning labels - that is, labelling autistic people as “high functioning” or “low functioning” - harm everyone. they are being used to deny “high functioning” people the help they need and to deny “low functioning” people their independence and humanity.

while it is true that some of us need more support than others, this does not mean we “function” at a different level. this classification is based on ableist notions about what abilities a human being must have in order to be seen as fully human.

autistic people often have very asymmetric skill development. only very few of us have real splinter skills, but many of us are far better in some areas of competence than in others.

if it just so happens that the things we are bad at are the things required for everyday living, we may get labelled “low functioning” - regardless of what we are actually able to do.

autism is not a one dimensional condition. there are hundreds of things we can be very good or very bad at. some of us have intense sensory sensitivities, others have strong social difficulties, yet others cannot cope with the slightest change in their routine. some of us are very musical, others excel at maths and science, yet others prefer to play volleyball.

autistic culture and identity

autistic culture has been existing probably as long as any kind of human culture has, long before the term autism had been invented.

we have always been a part of society. with our contributions we enrich humanity. we are teachers, artists, engineers, nurses, cleaners, designers, professors, bus drivers, activists, politicians, parents, doctors or therapists. capitalism likes to exploit our special skills while at the same time refusing to meet our special needs.

we are friends, we are family members and neighbours, we care and we help and we work in our own ways. not everyone of us can work in a way that is rewarded financially.

while it is true that being autistic can be a severe disability, or that this anti-autistic society can be very disabling for us, many autistic communities are seeking to establish Autistic identity outside of pathologizing medical definitions.