#tw mental health crisis
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Okay okay okay I know I'm on a bit of a sad kick but danny turning into a literal phantom.
Something happens at school, maybe the GIW shoots him in science after he finally got to passing, and it's the straw that breaks the camel's back, danny just snaps and goes full poltergeist. Transformation sequence, fucking magical girl's his way to a new, hellish form.
He takes over the school, no in or out and just starts attacking anybody trying to "free" the students. In his head he's just trying to keep them safe from outside harm but to everyone else this is a hostage situation from a new, extremely violent ghost.
Everyone on the outside is desperately trying to find phantom and get the kids out while everyone on the inside is trying to calm danny down because he is having a panic attack.
Eventually after an hour the justice league gets called and they try to handle the situation but ghosts are made of emotion to some extent, and Danny's having a lot of them which powers him up while being extremely erratic he's not easy to control or even keep track of for long. His intangibility and invisibility ads a new, untouchable layer to an otherwise already kinda op powerset that the league haven't ever had to fight All at once before.
While the justice league is busy trying to neutralize Danny, the students have banded together to try to break through the barrier and calm danny down. They go through Danny's backpack for scraps of fenton tech and fucking just straight up mug the GIW agents, and tucker Jerry rigs something to deactivate the force field.
During a lull in the fighting, when Danny's got the JL on the defensive, they flood out the front door and crowd danny while he desperately tries to mother hen them away from the justice league who he still blindly perceives as a threat. The JL freak out at the civillian to threat contact but slowly come to a horrifying realization as danny calms down with his friends and classmates that they've been trying to beat up a teen hero in a mental crisis and he shifts back into phantom and eventually human danny while sobbing about how he just wanted to keep everyone safe.
#danny phantom#dp x dc#dc x dp#tw panic attack#panic attack#tw mental health crisis#justice league#monster danny#poltergeist danny phantom#im very mean to thos poor boy but i promise i love him
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I'm really scared because my boyfriend and I are trying to deal with mental health crisis at the same time and last night it became too much for me.
I was unsafe and my mom picked me up because I needed space, and he has his mom and therapist as well, so we have resources but we are basically joined at the hip but it feels odd to be separated at a time like this, even right now which is only for one night. But I just needed to get out - when I am struggling I just want to run away, be somewhere quiet and alone etc.
He was disappointed (because physically close comfort IS helpful for him in times of need) but understanding it was for my safety. I'm really scared because I didn't think it was this bad on my end. I hope I can find some confidence in & explore my identity, and find a bit of hope in the world not being completely screwed, because those are my big issues right now. Also just getting past December being a trauma anniversary.
#i have no idea what i am doing rn#but i am lucky i have the support i do. my mom might have saved me from a really bad choice but we wont talk about that#it just really sucks not having enough space to comfort each other in a relationship with both ppl in crisis#im so tired and worried#personal#tw mental health crisis
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For people who’ve gone to the ER for a mental health crisis..
Was it worth it?
Just curious hahahahhahahaha
#tw mental hospital#tw mental health#tw medical#TW mental health crisis#TW er mention#TW emergency room mention#tw hospital#tw hospital mention
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rl drama crap. I'm basically being selfish, but I need to get this off my chest...
warning, this is long as shit because drama.
I didn't keep in touch with most of my old high school folks because 1) most of the high school folks treated me like shit when we were there and 2) the ones who were my friends started treating me like shit as an adult, so what's the point. I have new friends now.
There's a couple, tho, that I didn't ghost... one who was a very close friend who underwent a serious brain injury, and is now... basically she's a child stuck in an adult's body. We keep in touch because I'm the only one of us "forever friends" who *did*, and she remembers that. Unfortunately, she also has basically made me her lynchpin of sanity, and it's actually pretty stressful getting mentioned by her all the time for not being available enough, and her jealousy because I *do* have other friends, and the fact that I live close to 4 hours away now means that we haven't actually physically seen each other since before covid. But I suck it up and tend to delete the comments on my posts that are... inflammatory because she literally doesn't understand what she is saying or commenting on? And just soldier on through the jealousy because she's not actually capable of understanding what she is doing to me or why it might suck. It is what it is and we make it work.
There was another friend, though, who was a friend, but... like a peripheral friend? We were in the same friend group, we were close, but we weren't *close* close. We'd comment on each other's FB stuff, but we didn't even chat on FB because we just weren't that close. But we kept an eye out for one another...
right up until he started having a protracted mental health crisis. Part of the crisis involved potentially rehoming his dog, and, if any of all y'all playing the home game here have been paying attention, I do have a soft spot for dogs. So after he got over some furor about a vaguepost about rehoming his dog, he contacted me privately and asked if I could help. I wasn't *actually* looking to bring another dog into my pack right now, but I knew the dog and figured, "I should be a friend and help him out." So we sorted out that, at a minimum, when he had to work out of town for a week coming up, that I would take his dog on for the week to see how that went.
Then he proceeded to string me along for nearly 18 hours: "I'll be there in the afternoon." "Oh, I had something come up, I haven't left yet, but I'm leaving soon." "Oh, still haven't left yet, would you mind staying up late for us?" "Uh, so, this thing happened.." And, eventually, what was supposed to be an afternoon arrival, became him showing up at 9am the next morning... and yes, I stayed up nearly the entire night waiting for him, or at least for an update, because he could never fucking let me know what was going on until *I* poked him. But eventually the dog was dropped off, and the dog's a sweet little guy who is a potted plant with fur, and has slotted into my pack quite well.
So. Dog has been with me for 36 hours. No issues. Dog is sweet. Friend calls me at... 8pm? I think it was? "Can your dogs do without you for about... 5 hours?" uhhhh.... yeah? sure? Why? "Because I'm [two and a half hours away] and I need a ride home from someone or this hospital won't let me leave." JFC, what happened!? Are you okay!? "Oh, I'm *fine*, but my family thinks I'm having a manic thing and that I should check myself into this hospital, but I don't want to do that, so they threatened to call the cops and have me involuntarily taken in if I left without someone supervising me. I'll pay for your gas! I wasn't going to call you because I didn't want to bother you, but no one else I know is available or willing." (not even his own family, although, admittedly, the nearest ones *are* 5 hours fro his location)
....hoo boy. This... this just doesn't sound like the kind of circus I want to involve myself in, but he's a friend, and he's in need, and I'm weak to saying no to people who need help, and especially people I know... so I tell him that I'll be on the road in 15 minutes, and to text me his exact address. And thus, I spend 2.5 hours on the road to arrive at this hospital, to the exact entrance he told me to come to... and I wait. And wait. And wait, until he sends me a photograph of where he is, which is a completely different entrance, all the while insisting that it is the entrance that I am sitting at waiting for him. (how many red flags has this been now?) But I eventually get him loaded up and we hit the road.
Of course, when I stop for fuel, he "forgets" that he promised to pay for fuel, and he's *definitely* in the middle of a significant mental health crisis, so I choose not to pester him. My truck takes a lot of fuel, and this pump only let me do half a tank at a time, so he "remembers" that he was going to cover fuel soon enough that he catches the second half the tank. Then we are back on the road, and he is talking to people about trying to figure out how he is going to make it back "home" from my place (another 2.5-3 hours north of me) and eventually tells his wife that he'll find a greyhound the next day, and I'm like, no. 1) the nearest greyhound depot is an hour north anyway, and 2) I'm not putting a friend on a greyhound for home, MUCH LESS one in the middle of a mental health crisis. That is a recipe for someone getting *shot*. So I tell him that I will just take him all the way back home, either then, or in the morning. We all (him, me, his wife, his parents, his sister, his boss) decide that that is a good plan, and so opt for the next morning. This is when I figure that I will just make it a trip and go see the first friend from up there while I am in town(ish) and just get it all over with at once. (and maybe visit my parents' graves, while I am at it. depending on timing. full trauma trip ftw!)
Next morning, he informs me that his parents are going to meet us halfway because, even though he only paid for half a tank of fuel, it was going to take another full tank (at least) to get him home and me back home, and he really "just couldn't afford that after all". So I resign myself to racking up a couple hundred on one of my credit cards, because, yeah, and I'm very glad that I hadn't messaged brain-injury friend to tell her I was coming up that day, because now I am not. We also decide that I will keep his dog for the time being, because he has to come back this way in a week, so he can get him then, and it will be less hassle dealing with his dog *and* his family right now, and I'm like, cool. That's fine.
Drive him north and get to where we are meeting his folks at less than a minute before they pull in, so win and pie. They buy us all lunch (and PIE, so it literally *was* win and pie!), and he... wanders off a few times during the meal, wherein his parents grill me on his state. I agree that he is in the middle of a mental health crisis, but that no one can legally commit him involuntarily because he is not actually a danger to himself or anyone else. That's my professional, paramedic opinion. That he needs a stable, *familiar* environment, and he needs to talk to his therapist, pronto. Mom is not happy; she was hoping that I would agree to commit him. Sorry, can't do it in my state. Maybe things are less strict in yours, but not here. Then she asks if I could "take him on for a while."
No. Just no. He is NOT my responsibility, and I do not have room in my tiny house, and do not have enough mental health, myself, to deal with his issues. No. Sorry, but no fucking way. I have his dog. He needs his family and his therapist, and this is not my fucking circus. (Said much more politely, of course, but I was firm.) Se's disappointed, but agrees that my 900 square foot farm bungalow probably wasn't a good place for him. Fortunately SHE and her husband remember to cover my fuel, because HE "forgets" for a third time, so at least I'm not going into debt over this fiasco. He loads his stuff in their car, and we part ways.
Three days later, I leave for horse camp. Something I told him, his family, and his wife, *multiple times* that I would be completely out of contact for. And in that 10 days, I got roughly 8 requests to facetime with him so he could see his dog. The dog that was staying with my farmsitters while I was in another state. And each time, "oh yeah. I knew that. Okay." and ten hours later, another fucking request. That whole trip ended up NOT being the vacation that it was supposed to be, and he really did not help.
Get back and radio silence from him for two days... which was odd as we were *supposed* to talk about him getting his dog as soon as I got back. Then his *wife* contacts me. He's radio silent because he's *in jail*. For assaulting her - IN FRONT OF HER KID. She wants to make sure that I will "be there for him".
Not to sound like a shitbag, but... I will be there for him inasmuch as I *can*, however, HE IS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY, and I am NOT a mental health provider. I am NOT going to "take him on." I am NOT going to invite him into my home, especially now that he has resorted to violence with someone. Yeah, I'll talk to him, but I ain't no shrink, and I have my OWN issues - involving a major emergency that resulted in the death of my new beloved mule, so I was pretty fucked up (and sick as shit with what turned out to be covid, to boot) too... so...
Yeah, I'm selfish. I'm not going to race to another state again and leave my farm in the lurch to hold someone's hand who HAS mental health resources, just because I did it once for an emergency. ESPECIALLY not a domestic abuser. Sorry, not sorry. I'm not going to prison for defending myself. Or my dogs.
I explain gently that I'll do what I can, but, honestly, she needs to worry about herself and her mental health, rather than his right now. That SHE is the victim, and I'll take care of his dog for however long that takes, even if it's forever... but I'm not leaving my home right now. Okay. cool. We're solid.
Then the day of the mule emergency, he pesters me several times to "see his dog", and when I tell him that I can't, as I am literally in the middle of an extreme emergency, he says that he's "only a couple hours away, he'll leave right away to help me." Y'know what? That's sweet, but no. DO NOT COME DOWN HERE. He can't actually help me, and having him around will make it so much worse. So he finally concedes and stays home, which is good, because he has a court date in two days anyway!
I don't hear about how the court date goes. He's radio silent again. I'm assuming he's getting evaluated or something. Honestly, my mule is dead, I'm sick with covid, and I do not give a fuck. I try to move on with life, which is fucking hard, and I still have a hard time NOW dragging out of bed, because I failed Ranger, and that whole 20 hour mess was just so terrible. But on we go.
A week or so later, he starts messaging me again, agitating for a "video call" so he can see his dog, and, despite the fact that I do NOT "video chat" with ANYONE, I finally relent, because, dog. I can grok that. That was a couple nights ago, and he opens the chat with him, shirtless, in bed.
Uh, no. Sorry. But I'm not comfortable with that. So I promptly get down on the floor and keep the camera aimed at his dog so he can get his dog fix, and so I don't have to see him shirtless in bed. Eventually, he keeps the camera on his end aimed off somewhere that isn't even his face, so it's easier for me, but that was mainly, I think, because he just got lazy about holding his phone. Then toward the end of the call, "Can we make this a regular thing?"
PANIC!
Uhh... I'll try, but I really don't talk on the phone much, and I do not do video chatting at all. But I'll try what I can, so you can see your dog. Okay, cool, and then he goes off on a rant about his wife and his family, that included chestnuts to the effect of: "I know that my wife was well within her rights to file a police report as a *victim*, but she didn't really think about what that would do to *me*." And: "My parents were apparently there that night, and they *urged* her to file a report as a victim, in the hopes that I would end up getting taken to the hospital, since I won't go willingly. And it makes me really mad that they didn't even either know, are care about the fact that doing so could have, or might even still *could* result in 30 days of jail time for me! (You know, for physically assaulting his wife.) Just to get me into the hospital!"
And he is saying this shit without even the slightest understanding that, mental health crisis or no, HE IS NOT THE VICTIM HERE, and his opinions about his care and feeding stopped having any relevance the moment his hand contacted his wife's body. But I managed to not go off on him about his victim blaming, responsibility ducking bullshit. I should have just let loose, though, I think. But "he's my friend" and "I should be more supportive"... or something, I guess.
Okay. Tonight, at 8:15, he messages me out of the blue, "Can we chat tonight? 8:30?"
No. Fuck you, no. I do not video chat, and I need to work myself up to that. I don't even answer the NON-video phone for unexpected calls, except from, like, three people. I'm sorry. I'm selfish. But I do NOT handle sudden changes in my plans well, even if that change is from "computer screw off time" to "chatting with someone I know". I know I'm a shitty person for that, but, seriously, no. I had a fucking micro panic attack when he asked me that, and had to spend some time calming myself down before I could coherently message him back that, no, tonight wasn't good, but tomorrow would work. He was very disappointed but agreed for tomorrow night. It's in his "calendar" so he doesn't forget. Okay, whatever. So now I have 24 hours to work myself up to do another fucking video chat, and it'll be interesting to see what he shows up in this time.
But I swear to dog that if he goes off on that "what about MEEEE?!" shit again, I am not going to suck it up. I am going to have a come to chuthullu moment with him, because, no. Unless your spouse is trying to murder you, or is spouting nazi rhetoric, THERE IS NEVER ANY EXCUSE FOR PHYSICALLY ASSAULTING YOUR PARTNER. Or your friend. Or who the fuck ever.
And I feel partially responsible, because if I *had* urged his folks to commit him involuntarily, maybe he wouldn't have been out to assault her. Maybe he would have gotten the whatever he needed. He'd at least have been forced to take his fucking meds correctly for a few days. That couldn't have done anything but help.
But I'm really fucking regretting *ever* having answered him, right from the beginning, when it started with his dog. The dog is great. Little bit of a pain in my ass, since it's another body to deal with, but he's harmless and sweet and only a *tiny* bit of a pest. But if I had just ignored that ask, or said no, then maybe my friend would not have dragged me into his fucking circus that I feel somewhat trapped in now... and I really doubt that he would have called me at night to drive to another state to pick him up, thus cementing me as the "first among all of his circle of friends". I don't WANT to be first. I don't even want to be in that circle, to be honest. I get enough pressure to perform from my brain-injured friend. I don't need another fucking person pouring the foundation of their mental health upon the pilings of MY availability and attention! And yes, I know that makes me a shitty friend and a shitty person, but I can't. I just can't.
And there's a big part of me that just kinda wonders... we weren't this close of friends before. Not when I burned my house down. Not when I got a divorce. Not when my dad died. Not when I was injured and had to give up my DREAM. Not when my mom died. I only got an invitation to his wedding because our whole friend group got an invitation, not because of any other perceived or actual connection. We were never *this close*... until he needed someone and no one else would do it.
the firefighter part of me enjoys being the person people turn to for help. but there's a difference between asking for help, and taking advantage of... and i just keep trying to remember that, in the event of an emergency, you should always secure your own oxygen mask before assisting with anyone else's.
even if that makes me the shittiest person in the world.
#tw bipolar disorder#tw mental health crisis#cw bipolar disorder#cw mental health crisis#selfish bullshit and introspective musings#yes i know i suck but i have my own issues to deal with too
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Sometimes I think making mental health and people with disorders out to be just regular funky guys can be helpful for destigmatisation, and other times I think people very much need to remember and know that it can kind of fuck things up. like genuinely. You can irreparably ruin relationships you didn’t mean to or want to, hurt people, hurt yourself, lose your job, etc. people with disorders aren’t monsters, but also, sometimes having a mental health crisis can be a scary thing and it needs to be addressed.
This also doesn’t mean that people experiencing the mental health crisis should just be excused from their actions, and it doesn’t mean they should be vilified either. A lot of times it’s looking back and being scared of what you did and what happened, and feeling immense guilt, but you still did it. It’s complicated.
#I Just feel like people don’t talk about the ‘crisis’ side enough#mental health#tw mental health crisis
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Do you have a severe mental illness that can/has caused a mental health emergency? Are you currently stable? You should make a basic safety plan! [Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional, this advice is taken from my own experiences and what I learned in inpatient psychiatric facilities. This post caters more to those who experience severe psychotic episodes as that is my experience.]
1. Find a safe person. Someone you often spend time with that you can trust with the details of your mental illness and feel safe around. Ask them if they are comfortable being the person to look out for you if you have a mental health emergency. Preferably someone you live with. If no one you live with fits this role, find someone you contact regularly.
2. Explain to the safe person what a mental health emergency looks like for you. Think of the way you presented in the past during mental health emergencies and try to describe it. You may have to describe it based on what others have told you if you had memory loss during episodes in the past.
3. Let them know how they can check with you to see if you are in a mental crisis. You might need them to ask you some questions to gage your mental state (examplse: Do you know where you are right now? Are you able to talk?). Tell them what questions to ask to find out if you are in a crisis.
4. Explain to them what you would want to happen in a mental health emergency. If they are able to see that you are indeed in a mental health emergency, what steps would you want them to take? If you will need to go to the hospital, but don't want to interact with police, let them know to tell that to emergency services. If there's a nearby inpatient facility you would want to go to, tell them which one and give them their contact info. If episodes typically pass on their own for you, let the safe person know how to keep you comfortable and safe until it passes.
5. Have an easily accessible contact paper or note on your phone with some basic info in case you can't speak to professional help while you are in a crisis. Add your name, birth date, your diagnoses, and exactly what medications you take and the dosages. You can add specific warnings or triggers about yourself (examples: Doesn't like being touched by medical professionals. Can react violently to loud noises). You can add contact info of people you'd want to let know about your situation. You can add your insurance information if you have it.
6. If you would have to go to a hospital/inpatient facility, let the safe person know if there's anything else you'd want them to handle once you get there. (Examples: Pack a bag of clothes for the inpatient stay. Feed my pets while I'm gone or ask someone else to. Contact my work place for me and let them know I won't be able to come in.)
Yes this is a long list, but I feel it's important to prepare and get your bases covered while you have the capacity to do so. Often when someone is in crisis they don't know how to ask for help, or what to do once they get help. Thinking of everything ahead of time saves you the extra worry later, or the extra worry of guessing by the people around you.
And if you are thinking "this is too much work to make someone else do!" Consider how much harder it would be if they found you in crisis and had no idea what to do and you wouldn't be able to tell them. If you have a severe mental illness that can/has caused you to be in a state of mental health emergency, you deserve to be cared for by others during the crisis.
#mental illness#mental health emergency#mental crisis#saftey plan#schizophrenia#neurodivergent#schizophrenic#psychosis#nd#actuallyschizophrenic#mental health awareness#pseriouslypsychotic#mentally ill#psychotic episode#schizoaffective disorder#tw hospital#tw psychward#long post
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Kathrin Mentler knows British Columbia’s mental health system inside and out.
She knows it academically because she’s studying to become a counsellor with the goal of working as a peer support worker. She also knows it personally because she’s experienced rounds of depression and anxiety throughout her life.
Mentler says she has accessed suicide prevention services dozens of times while experiencing mental health crises. She has also attempted suicide more than once and woken up in an intensive care unit, overwhelmed with gratitude for the hospital staff who kept her alive.
“I live with chronic suicidal thoughts but that doesn’t mean I never feel joy in my life,” she says.
This spring Mentler found herself in crisis and took herself to Vancouver General Hospital’s Access and Assessment Centre to get help. [...]
Continue Reading.
Tagging: @politicsofcanada
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so tired of birth control (medicine) shaming. Like yes it’s a band aid fix in some cases but we do very much USE band aids?
#like do you want to bleed out while waiting years for surgery? no? ok#do you want to have a mental health crisis from hormone imbalance? no?#has no one heard of harm reduction in their lives#not even MENTIONING how it’s helped equality#medical stuff tw#birth control#personal
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Do you think Lucrecia loved Sephiroth? Or would have loved him?
Lucrecia is an extremely ill, extremely complicated person.
Based on the OG, and what DoC was (very poorly) trying to convey, she severely regretted what she did to her son, and never expected to have had him taken from her. The impression I get in the OG is that she might have been coerced into the project, though Dirge contradicts this. I think she ultimately was somewhat pressured into it by Hojo, but still made the conscious decision to go through with it, ignoring the consequences. Perhaps she thought she would still be able to parent Sephiroth, just in stricter, more controlled settings. She was distraught in losing him, and it's implied that it was the final straw in pushing her into her metaphorical suicide. I just think Dirge didn't do a good job in showcasing her regret.
So yes, I think she loved him. Or would have loved him. That definitely doesn't make what she did okay, and Sephiroth would have every right to disown her for it. But I do truly think she hadn't anticipated him being taken from her, likely justifying everything in her head --being the mother of an extraordinary child, guiding him along to fulfill his role as an ancient, etc. Lucrecia probably wasn't fit to be a mother though, given her very glaringly obvious mental health issues. Had she been in Sephiroth's life, they probably would have had a very messy relationship. Though still preferable to the alternative of lying to Sephiroth about his mother's name and identity.
It's very strange. Sephiroth and Lucrecia are a lot alike when I really think about it. They both suffer from the extreme inability to cope under personal crisis, often acting impulsively and making things worse. But whereas Lucrecia reacts in guilt and fear and hysteria, Sephiroth reacts in rage and blocking everything else out. Sephiroth is definitely his mother's son, though not the mother he thinks. They're both really complex, really unwell individuals in desperate need of therapy.
#Sephcanons#Sephiroth#Lucrecia Crescent#Ffvii#Ff7#Crisis Core#Dirge of Cerberus#Final Fantasy 7#Tw: mental health#Asks#Mommy issues#Hojo#Jenova
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I’m confused
So recently I got into a relationship With the most amazing person ever. They take me on dates, they’re constantly getting me flowers, opening my doors, carrying my things etc. they’re amazing.
I wouldn’t trade them for anything they’re my world.
Lately I’ve been having thoughts of my ex. Just hear me out.
So I had a very abusive ex they were mentally and physically abusive. They’re in prison now for killing someone. I spent 5 years of my life with this person, a trauma bond was made. I have a lot of ptsd from this relationship. I’d forgotten them almost, but lately I’ve been having memories pop up a lot again.
I’m sure it has something to do with my new found relationship, my mind is digging up bones to remind me to be cautious maybe? Or certain things are triggering my fight or flight? I’m not sure. I feel so guilty for remembering these things, but it’s not like I’m doing this on purpose. It really bothers me.
I miss my ex. Not that I would ever go back to them, or cheat on my current partner. I miss the memories I guess? Or the friendship that we had? The closest relationship I’ve ever had even though it was abusive. I guess it’s hard to let go of the person that knows all your dirty secrets, that knows your body, that knows your mind, your bad side and your good side? I’m not sure, I know I don’t love them anymore, I don’t miss them in a “I want you back” kind of way, I don’t care for them like I use to, but there is a part of me that misses that friendship dearly?
Am I a bad person for feeling this way? Does anyone know what this could mean? Or have any opinions or advice to give me?
#pls help#crisis core#nostalgia#confused#sad thoughts#exestential crisis#tw mental health#mental health#mentally fucked#actually mentally ill#confused asf#1950s#vintage
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me when tobias and i are discussing trauma and he's like most people didn't get kicked out of home 7 times before they turned 18 and im like :
although one was really funny 2 me bc i was 17 living with some 19 year olds and they said if i u dont go to music class we will kick u out and i was like LMAO NO WAY ??? and then they did.
#my parents solution to me having any sort of mental health crisis was to kick me out#LKASJDLKAJSD#ooc.#looking back on it now that's vaguely concerning#tw trauma /
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I've had a really bad couple of weeks. Idk if it's the current state of the world, fear of the future, grieving the past, the shitty weather, worsening ADHD, hormones or all of the above, but I have been completely useless at work and literally just spend all my waking hours scrolling Tumblr or watching shows. My sleep consistency has also tanked--I'm pulling all nighters just to nap a couple hours in the morning before starting work late and my cortisol levels are probably through the roof. I know in my heart, body, and desire for job security that this is unsustainable, but I can't stop
#realposting#shutting down#anxiety#depression#stress#desperately seeking serotonin#dude where's my serotonin#nervous breakdown#mental health cw#mental health crisis#tw mental health
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Why is being a person so finicky and weird
I literally threw myself into an existential panic over my inevitable death but decided to counteract that by writing shitty poetry about it and then I immediately felt better, fuck my gay ass mental health why did that work so easily?
#this isn’t a vent btw; I just find the human brain facinating and dumb why is it like that lol#mental health#tw existential dread#tw existential crisis#tw death mention#prince rambles in this chilies tonight
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i want to move freely through the air and to pass through solid objects as one would swim through water. the only evidence of my existence should be the cold night mist that you could swear you were being watched by. my body was born wrong. i was meant to have horns, wings, more eyes, more limbs, no body at all, even… no, i don’t know what went wrong. i am sick. i cannot tell if i am desperate to be human again, (or maybe for the first time?), or if i am yearning to be the real, inhuman, me.
however wrong i may see myself, i hope i am right in your eyes.
#dont mind me i just gotta get this out of my system rq#cant tell if im having an identity crisis rn or if this is the leftovers of the last one#might be a trans thing might be an otherkin thing might be a bloody mental illness thing hell if i know#im probably gonna cringe at this so hard tomorrow lmao#trans#transgender#nonbinary#otherkin#ghostkin#cryptidkin#angelkin#demonkin#alterhuman#nonhumen#voidpunk#mental health#bpd#autism#dehumanisation tw#im ok dw lol hope yall are doing alright :)
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cw // this is about existential fear and inevitable death in combination with OCD, so if you're not in the place to read that, I totally understand
You know, I wonder if existential fear is more common in people with OCD, or if it's just me and the people I know.
Because like, when you worry and overthink and overanalyze everything constantly, it makes sense that you'd starting thinking about death and the meaning of life and stuff. But I've noticed that pwOCD tend to be much more terrified of inevitable death than others. Like it definitely scares everyone to some degree, but with most people, they seem to have this sense of relief in the complete helplessness of it. Like, there's nothing they can do, so might as well get on with things and cross that bridge when we come to it.
But with OCD people, when we're scared or worried about something, there NEEDS to be something we can do about it. Some kind of pattern, or behaviour, or even something we can avoid that will negate the danger and the fear. If there isn't, we just get stuck in ever repeating, relentless intrusive thoughts and sheer panic, and it's torture. And with most problems we can come up with something, but with inevitable death, there's nothing we can do. We are out of control, and we cannot handle that feeling. The most terrifying thing ever, that everything we know, and our consciousness, our very ability to know, will be gone one day and there's nothing we can do about it is just so so horrifying when you're used to constant control.
And non-OCD people just don't seem to get it when I explain it to them, saying things like, "There's no use worrying about that. There's nothing you can do," as if that would comfort me??? But of course they think that, it comforts them. Helplessness is relief to non-OCD people, but it's torture to us. That's what makes me think it's an OCD thing.
Maybe this is also part of why religious OCD is so common, even in those of us who were never raised religious or a part of organised religion. We need faith in a higher power more than anyone, of course we get panicky over possibly not doing a good enough job at being religious.
I'm not sure if anything I'm saying here is right or makes sense, just some observations. I just can't help but think this has something to do with OCD.
#ocd#obsessive compulsive disorder#actually ocd#ocd thoughts#ocd tw#ocd problems#neurodivergent#mental health#mental illness#anxiety#religious ocd#existential crisis
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Life vent
how do I deal with the feeling of acknowledging my existence???
it's so weird to think that I exist and that I'm going through life and I'm aging and getting older
I don't know what I was expecting but growing up I kinda didn't believe that I was a real person
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