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#tw existential dread
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today I had dream where I was this girl who was trying to bring her dead friend back to life and I succeeded in that and than I learned I am in a dream and I didn't want to believe it because it can't be a dream, it can't be It has to be real I spend years trying to bring my friend back, that has to be real if it was just a dream than none of my efforts would matter, they wouldn't be real I wouldn't be real, my friend wouldn't be real all I've done to bring him back would weight nothing.. It has to be real, it has to be, it has to And I started screaming at the real me to not wake up, don't wake up, please don't wake up It's real, It has to be real, Don't wake up don't wake up don't wake up, Please no and than I woke up.
anyway sorry dream person, I'll carry you on in my mind @one-time-i-dreamt
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so i’ve been having an existential crisis for like the past hour. i suddenly came to the realization that in order to “contribute to society” (something i don’t want to do because i don’t want society) im going to have to go to school for a few more years to to college for a few years become a wage slave until i die (because of some physical health conditions i doubt ill grow old). i don’t want to live a life like that, and apparently im just lazy because i want to live a life worth living. that’s, to be quite frank, disturbing. if we have to give up some of our liberties to live in a society, if we have to give up our happiness and freedom to live in a society, i don’t want one. it doesn’t make sense to just toil away and convince yourself everything’s okay for your entire life, and then when you finally can’t work anymore just go be abused institutionally again.
that’s a really fascinating thing about modern society. the fact that during the beginning of your life, you are forced to go to school (institutional abuse) and when you’re elderly, your forced into a nursing home or other facility (institutional abuse). your expected to contribute to a society that doesn’t help you, otherwise your ungrateful and lazy because of course the company owning billionaires work hard to allow you to be miserable and poor your entire life.
i hate capitalism.
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cartoonartistpng · 1 year
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“Imagine that every time you see your friends, it’s to bring a bad omen.”
“…”
“What if… What if, one day, I won’t have a reason to return?”
(Sonictober2022 Day 11: Future)
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sandswirls · 7 months
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Having an existential crisis
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lunearobservatory · 8 months
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I so desperately crave poetic drama and tragedy. How mentally taxing it must be to live as long as the personifications have.
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From even before you were born, you are not only brought into this world, but you are of the Earth itself. When you die and are lain to rest, eventually your body returns to the Earth: every atom, every piece of your molecular structure meshes into the ecosystem of this planet.
Of course, you already know this, do you not? You are familiar. You are aware. Why, they teach you this in school! How wouldn't you know?
I feel as though many of you are forgetting something, though. A piece of information that too many of you overlook:
All of you were doomed to be oppressed by my influence. You owe your existence, even as a thought, to me. You can choose to ignore it to spite me, but in the most obscure corners of your consciousness, you know that I am right.
Even after your consciousness and awareness dies, I will continue to have a stranglehold on you. What separates the situation is that, while you are alive, you have the misfortune of being cognisant of this.
You have the misfortune to realise that you should be thanking me for everything you know and love...or everything you know and hate.
Isn't it wonderful to know that, beyond your surface knowledge of who I am as a person, I am in control of your lives in more ways than you could possibly fathom?
And, even if you were already aware of this, isn't it wonderful that I am generous enough to give you the reminder?
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sickness-stricken · 2 months
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“Twist endings where it’s revealed everything was a dream are so lame and unrealistic” okay but have you ever had that one dream where you have a baby and raise her to be the best little girl there is but then you wake up knowing you’ll never see that shine in her eyes ever again
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citricacidprince · 3 months
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Why is being a person so finicky and weird
I literally threw myself into an existential panic over my inevitable death but decided to counteract that by writing shitty poetry about it and then I immediately felt better, fuck my gay ass mental health why did that work so easily?
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Tbh i have no idea if i am happy or am i just okay, because i've felt so miserable over the years that i forgot what good even feels like. It's cool that i finally feel like a person though, and not some fucked up alien who possed the body of who i used to be. I mean, i am functional, i can do more stuff now. That's nice, but is it how happiness feels like? I don't know, it doesn't feel empty like before but it also isn't that strong of a feeling. Was it always like that.
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baby-anonymouse · 4 months
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planning life and career really irritates the constant grief over my own mortality that I wrestle with on a nearly daily basis
currently lying fetal position on the couch bc the ache requires comfort
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peanut-tyrug · 5 months
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You ever fucking see God and get your essence taken from you and combined with the Universe itself and you just go
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dianneking · 6 months
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Why.
Why would you step on a beautiful flower
Why would you see a beautiful forest and set fire to it
Why can't you see beauty without wanting to destroy it
Why can't you enjoy something and let others enjoy it too
There's already so much pain
There's already so much destruction
Why do you have to make it bigger
You don't have to work for it
Why can't you see the stars without wanting to tear them down too
Why do you have to treat other humans as if they were disposable
Using them. Belittling them. Backstabbing them.
Why do you have to be cruel to the helpless
Their big eyes looking up and you step on them
Why why why do you add to the suffering
I would call it mindless destruction but you know what you are doing. You choose to. Day in and day out.
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📼
(//@prof-indigo)
-Memory Loading-
[ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ]
[ A playground is empty aside from an 15 year old sprite and beedrill, who sit, kicking their legs, occasionally stating facts or asking questions, beedrill doesn't say anything, until-
"You know, that theory- we made up- about the universe and everything- it already exists- we're not that smart."
"Do you believe in it still?"
"... I don't know. I would like to believe that I have capacity for change, but it brings me comfort in knowing- this will happen everytime."
"And we're friends everytime!!"
"... that's what I meant" ]
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I had an epiphany earlier today.
For some context, I have lately been ruminating almost constantly on how eventually we and everyone we love will inevitably die. If I am not actively doing something that requires all of my attention, my mind returns to the topic. And it always fills me with a certain amount of panic. Never enough to cause me to not be able to normally function, but a mild panic nonetheless. I find myself asking questions of how I will manage when I lose the people I love, and how will they handle when I am no longer there. It's a question mostly without answer. We all just do what we can and pretend it will never happen, but I seem incapable of living that way. It's something that has vexed me for several years now. No progress in solving the problem. No progress moving forward.
Until today.
Today I came across an answer that finally put it all to rest, at least for now.
Since I cannot choose how long my life, or the lives of those I love, will be, the only thing I can do is be as kind as I can be until that time.
All I can do is make sure those I love know I love them. And if I die before them, they will have my kindness and love to carry after I am gone. And if they die before me, then they will have died knowing that I loved them, and I get to live on knowing I did everything I could do while they were here to make sure they knew I loved them.
That's all I can do.
That's enough.
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venting-town · 1 month
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It’s crazy how people think that, if somebody has sex, they’re automatically giving consent to get pregnant/have a baby
Sex is not only for procreation.
It CAN be, and most often IS. But that’s not the only reason WHY people have sex.
Imagine stating to somebody:
“ Well, if you EAT something, you’re CLEARLY consenting to choking on your food! If you didn’t want to choke, you shouldn’t have ate anything! “
It’s stupid.
You wouldn’t force somebody to choke to death because of the fact there’s always a possibility/risk that choking will happen when they eat, and the overwhelming majority of people don’t WANT to choke to death on food, so why the fuck are we forcing people to carry pregnancies they don’t want?
No entity EVER has the right to use the body of somebody else. And no outsiders ( aka, anybody BESIDES the person whose body is being used ) has the right to strip that person’s anatomy because they want that entity to actually become a reality.
That isn’t your place.
If a pregnant person wants an abortion, they have every right to do so.
No life/idea of life ( or lackthereof ) has ANY right to stay in the body of someone else if that person does not consent to it.
And that’s okay. Even if nobody else is okay with it, tries to apply their own feelings/morality/logic/illogic to it, or what.
You don’t own other peoples bodies.
You don’t decide what other people do to rid of intruders to their own body, regardless of what you feel about it.
And some people who are pregnant may not even WANT to abort; they’d LOVE to have a new reality/entity become!
But sometimes reality isn’t easy, simple, or fair.
Sometimes bad things happen. Sometimes the pregnant person realizes their life is endangered due to ectopic pregnancies. Sometimes some pregnant people are in slavery, sex trafficking, are raped, etc, and don’t want the reality of their pregnancy to become and have to suffer from it.
Stop forcing people to give birth/stay pregnant because you want to attach the idea that an entity/life has “ rights “ to take up resources/endanger the already LIVING/PRESENT life because you enjoy birth/the idea of birth/the idea of more life
Take care of the life that’s already there. If the life that’s already there ON ITS OWN wants to continue with pregnancy, allow them. If they don’t, then allow them to abort.
It’s okay to feel things about abortion and understand that you don’t, nor will you EVER, have to the right to force said pregnant person to stay pregnant ( and possibly die from it ) or give birth ( and possibly die from it )
No spiritual/simulation/reincarnation/angel/demon/self/universe/creator/source/ /do///etc has the right to either.
REGARDLESS of who’s world, reality, other, etc
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Considering I spent most of my life tht i remember (i dont remember much) wanting to kill myself, i never thought id dread the day i die. I always viewed death in a sort of peaceful way. Even after i stopped being suicidal, i still wasnt afraid of my eventual demise because it would be an eternal peace. An eternal nothingness..it wouldn't hurt to be dead because there would be nothing. Simply just nothing forever. But now i realize that i cannot comprehend nothingness and i especially cant comprehend eternity. In my mind i know that i cannot suffer if i cannot feel. But its like i have some sort of instinct that makes me fear death just because i cannot comprehend eternity. I cannot comprehend eternal nonexistence. An afterlife would not make me feel better because it would still be, in most cases, an eternal state. I'd either exist or not exist for eternity. My existence doesnt matter so much as the fact that it is eternal. Nothingness is a bit scary, but i am far more afraid of eternity. Living forever wouldn't save me because it'd be eternal. I know logically that there would be no suffering, but i am afraid because i cannot comprehend infinity. Even after i die, I will not be able to comprehend it. Mostly because because i will be dead. Existence or nonexistence, there is no escape from eternity- at least not one that is within my comprehension.
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