#tries to keep herself from going mad with the grief and the horror and the pointlessness of it all. tv was a medium created for such scenes
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after some reflection I've reached the conclusion that to my mind nona the ninth did need to be its own book -- not in terms of delivering the plot or character developments, necessarily, but to be a thematic mirror to harrow the ninth in a way I don't think you could have done if this was also trying to do its job as the last book of a trilogy.
harrow the ninth is about the horror of nothing changing -- the grim, unending slog of mental illness, the inexorable method in madness grinding along, grinding you down, moment upon moment; it's about how grief can seem to create its own pockets of eternity. it's about how some things can only be remembered in forgetting.
nona the ninth is about the horror of everything changing all the time forever -- the people you love, until they aren't quite the people you loved any more, the places you love, until it's become somewhere you can never go back to, the world, every day -- you, until you die one way or another, in truth or in no longer recognizing yourself. you go to school for the hour of science and noodle every day, until one day you just don't anymore, and nothing can be done about that. nona is about 'life is too short, and love is too long', but also 'you can't take 'loved' away'. pyrrha, who's tried for ten thousand years to kill her feelings but "Don't worry, kiddie. I'll keep loving you -- my problem is I don't know how to stop." even when it just hurts us, we love. we just can't help ourselves. and at the end alecto remembers herself (itself?), which means forgetting nona.
the strange paradoxical comfort of madness vs. the unbearable loneliness of sanity. harrow is mad, and for all her suffering it keeps her from having to face the most inconceivable, the thing she can't live with: a universe without gideon. cam and pal are so so sane, and they can't bear it. they die to live in a way they can... uh, well, live with, and it's a crazy thing to do but it's the kindest thing they could find for themselves. the world of harrow the ninth is so dead and deadened, and the world of nona is so unbearably alive.
(ironically ntn was a much more difficult read for me than htn, because the way htn works is already so close to how my own mind works (yes, unfortunately, really. no, I'm not okay, but not in a way anyone can do anything about with any immediacy so let's ignore that for now lol). I understand the logic of it intimately, for all it looks confusing if you just see the surface. but the ongoing nature of the restless dread in ntn -- the way you love these people, and through the book they keep drifting away from you so steadily and gradually that you can't even put your finger on exactly when you really lost them as they were at the beginning. at the end, when pyrrha is carrying nona because she can't stand anymore (carrying her in 'the halo of her arms'...... god. yes, that is what a parent feels like for a child huh), I vicariously felt what I suspect is pyrrha's train of thought as well that like... what if you could just hold her close enough, love her hard enough, that she won't have to go, that she could get to live. what if you could just refuse to let go of her, what if you could be strong enough for that. and one person in this universe is that strong-- why would you let someone go -- away from you -- untouchable? John's obsession with being able to touch his loved ones, except he's so profoundly fucked up he doesn't understand any way to do it but to make them into extensions of himself, to consume them and transform them into himself, the very hungry caterpillar style -- he wanted to touch so he made them his hands, and he doesn't understand why it doesn't fulfil him. and thank god pyrrha has the soul and sense to understand why you can't just eat what you love, narrowly, but I still wanted her to be able to still hold nona and protect her from everything including death so fucking bad, and of course she can't. that's the tragedy of it, that's the beauty of it. love doesn't change anything, and we just can't help but love anyway, and it changes everything, and it's all we can do sometimes. fuck I'm going to need a lot of lying face down on the floor for a few hours to process this book huh lmao)
#nona the ninth#nona the ninth spoilers#ntn spoilers#the locked tomb spoilers#nona spoilers#the locked tomb#harrow the ninth#tl;dr: nona the ninth fucked me up okay don't look at me lol#harrow the ninth is still my favourite of the series because that book recognized me in a way few other things have#but muir is Doing Some Shit in ntn holy fuck#the locked tomb meta#I'm. I'm going to go have a shower to calm down probably I think haha
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"A wet WindClan cat? I never thought I'd see the day."
"I've been brushing up. Did you see how I almost had that fish?"
"I did! But you're gonna have to keep working. Remember I managed to snag a rabbit on the moor the last time we met up, so I'm winning."
"Smirk all you want, but I'll be more excited to see your face when I finally do nab that sucker!"
"Hehe, I look forward to it."
Skyheart and Pigeonflight because I'm still mad about Leopardstar's Honor.
More info under the cut, plus mini rant.
Skyheart is not a bully who almost kills Leopardfur, her being turned into that character after she was so excited to have a sister and be there for Leopardkit in Crookedstar's Promise is another piece in the failure that was Leopardstar's Honor.
Anyway, to maintain Leopardstar being the spoiled and doted on RiverClan child after her mother dies, she's very close with her adoptive littermates Skyheart and Blackclaw. This was a bustling time for RiverClan, with many apprentices and even more kits on the way. Leopardfur and Skyheart often competed for the leader position in their games as kits, and saw each other as friendly rivals when little.
Skyheart is an adventurous and daring cat, and that bold nature led her to dabbling with a WindClan cat, and falling in love. Even though it was against the code, they continued to do so, and Skyheart fell pregnant with kits. Leopardfur picked up on this and questioned who the father was, Skyheart refusing to say - much to the surprise of Leopardfur. After all, they told each other everything. At this time Blackclaw and Mistyfoot were flirting, Skyheart was expecting - Leopardfur threw herself more into her duties as she saw not interested in romance or having kits. Nothing against those who did, but that just wasn't where her aspirations lay. Unlike Skyheart who began to focus on other things, Leopardfur never stopped dreaming of being leader, and she was spoiled and readied to be just that. Even as an adult she was sought after and praised, her RiverClan family providing her endless love. She was spoiled, but she really did love her clan and want to do her best for them.
However, Skyheart would disappear in the night, and the loyal Leopardfur was beginning to get suspicious. She followed Skyheart one night and discovered the truth, enraged that her clanmate would do such a thing. The bold Skyheart told Leopardfur to back off and mind her business, but Leopardfur threatened to expose Skyheart to Crookedstar unless she ended things with Pigeonflight. The two adoptive sisters screamed and argued, but eventually Skyheart settled down with a sigh, and agreed.
Too bad she lied.
Leopardfur had thought all was well until she caught Skyheart sneaking out again a different night. As the two began to argue again though, Skyheart would feel contractions, and realize her kits were coming. Much to Leopardfur's horror, her dear friend was giving birth, and Leopardfur didn't know the first thing about herbs. She didn't want to leave her friend alone to go back to camp, but she also didn't know how to handle this. Seeing the squabbling bundles of fur, Leopardfur panicked, especially when Skyheart didn't stop bleeding...
Skyheart died giving birth to those half-clan kits. The smell of blood was putrid, and led the searching Pigeonflight right to them. He was horrified to see his mate having died giving birth to his kits, crumbling before her as he tried to comfort the two little ones, but could barely even comfort himself. Alas in the haze of grief and shock, Leopardfur would simply stare as Pigeonflight sadly took the two kits back to WindClan.
When RiverClan learned this they were horrified. There were mixed feelings grieving Skyheart, but Leopardfur and Blackclaw were much the same in their sentiments - it was the fault of that WindClan cat that Skyheart got mixed up in this. Those half-clan kits killed her, a curse from StarClan and a punishment on her life. This was one of the pivotal moments of disgust Leopardfur would have for half-clan cats, and furthermore cats outside of her beloved RiverClan.
#skyheart#pigeonflight#warrior cats#art#po12#rewrite#au#leopardstar#blackclaw#mistystar#thrushwing#stoneclaw
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Okay hear me out,
I think Multiverse of Madness should have come before Wandavision. Like it’d take a little bit of rejigging but I think thematically it could work so much better.
Fresh off the grief and destruction of endgame Wanda is distraught, angry, hurt having first her brother and then her partner ripped away from her. She starts to dream of the life they could have had, of their boys, the same dreams as MoM but with vision in them. And so she in desperation clings to the aspects of her power that allowed her to have control over others, the magics that can bring her what she desires. She delves into the dark the prophesy, her anger that in the show was used to create Westview is channeled into the darkness fuelling her spiral and showing her what she could have but it’s not permanent she can never stay long enough.
The end of the movie is the same, she lets America go. Destroys the temple but walks away with strange, reflecting in what didn’t work here. The movie ends Strange is saved she goes off to her cabin by the lake.
Que Wandavision, starting with the cabin and visions of her family. With a look in her eye she heads to the next town, talking to people, making friends, getting to know the area. Suddenly Vision comes around the corner, sweeping her off her feet in her house dress and after a kiss they head back to their perfect life together. She gets her family she gets Vision, but she’s been more watched since MoM.
Same kind of surveillance but she’s more powerful, people get sucked in she starts using them as news crew to find out what’s happening in the real world. The impacts of Multiversal fuckery are kept from her little bubble.
However instead of Agatha having direct influence, it’s versions of herself dreamwalking into Westview because they want her perfect life. It adds some of the horror that was kind of missing in MoM into Wandavision with seeing herself in reflections, talking to people who seem really oddly familiar but not quite.
Things also wacky as they did in the show, keeping the general themes and stuff that made wandavsion so good but allowing for her to see the consequences of her actions, maybe have pietro as both X-Man and MCU pop up and make her question her actions and the state of the outside world.
It’s throughout every multiverse this one little pocket that can’t be affected and so its targeted, she has to fight desperate versions of her past self, who are clinging to what could be. She isn’t tricked into being scarlet witch, she fights off a literal interpretation of everything she tried in the past.
The two visions still fight, white vision flies off knowing his purpose, his making, what Wanda wants him to be, but he’s more and he has to find that first.
She willingly reflects and resolves her grief having worked through what she was searching for through the literal defeating of herself.
She releases her hold and reaches out others who lost people using her experience to show them the continuing of their loved ones lives in other universes “just know that here, they are loved” the series ends with her walking down the street towards her farm and the flap of a white cape landing in the street behind her.
Anyway that’s just my two cents
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It hurts like nothing else. Especially in the moment. But they hadn't been expecting another hard blow months and months later.
CW; major character death, mutilation, torture, pregnancy, birth + related difficulties, mourning, grief, etc.
"I can't believe you did this to me again." Paresse groaned as he rubbed at his temples. The migraines were the worst part of the beginnings. Rage gave a heartfelt and apologetic expression, leaning over to kiss his arm. Paresse had taken another pregnancy test a few days ago, and it was positive. Today had been the second test, and it said the same.
Paresse just rolled his eyes, sitting next to his wife, "Yeah, I know, I know." He leaned back, "But it's not like we can't take care of it, and this fucker–" He jabs a nail against Rage's leg, "--has been wanting another anyways."
Fussa chuckled from her place on the couch as she watched, "You decided to keep it." Her smile made the creases in her face deepen.
Rage laughed and sat in his lap, running his hands over Paresse's still-flat belly, "I'm kind of surprised, we've been using protection."
"Eh, a condom probably broke just a little and we didn't catch it." Paresse just shrugged, "I'm having Dunstan shut off my cycle after this one, though." It was an empty threat, really. He'd threatened the same thing after Jupiter, too.
Fussa made a small noise and looked Paresse over, but didn't say anything. Not right now, anyways. She and Paresse had fucked a month or more ago and didn't use protection. She was old now, though. So it probably didn't mean anything, but it still hung in the back of her mind. She didn't want to interrupt the two as they discussed how to break the news to the others, to Jupiter, though she did give a few suggestions of her own. She'd talk to him about it later.
Later being after she took a trip to a little butcher shop that she loved on the edge of their territory.
She should have taken Rage with her. She'd slipped out on her own, wanting time with her thoughts. Mulling over and rehearsing ways to bring it up to Paresse that his second child might be hers. She picked out a few cuts and talked about anything but work with the butcher. He asked where her bodyguard was and she waved it off. She had something to tell her husband after his, so she was in a hurry. She'd figured out a way to tell him after she got back.
She had hyped herself up and was ready to go as she left and headed down her usual short cut, now thinking about what she'd ask Paresse to cook for her.
She wakes up for only a few minutes, but it's been hours since she was knocked out. Everything hurts. Everything. She can barely see, something is so fucking bright in front of her.
She took a steel bat to the back of her skull.
People are talking. She flinches and tries to focus. What the hell is going on…? It takes almost all of her time awake to wrap her head around what's happening. She's far from as sharp and as healthy as she used to be.
The bright thing is a hologram, and it's hard to focus on. The other Incidents are displayed on it. Mizho, Paresse, Rage, Vice. It's a live feed. And she can only imagine she's being cast back to them. A hostage situation. She'll be rescued. They'll pay the ransom for her.
… Rage is screaming something at them.
Something cold is on the side of her head. A gun.
"We will give you anything!! She hasn't done anything to your crew, we have!! She's retired, leave her out of this!!"
The horror in Rage's voice puts a rock in her gut. Paresse's next words seal the deal.
"I'm the one you're mad at, I'll take her place–"
This isn't a hostage situation.
Paresse is pregnant. He wouldn't say that lightly. He's trying to negotiate a way to get closer to them. To kill them… before they can kill her. Realization makes her head shoot up, eyes locked on Paresse and seeing the sheer panic and despair on her husband's usually stoic face.
This is an execution.
She tries to say his name. It's a hoarse strain against her gag instead. He looks at her anyways. She can't stop the tears that start falling. Her captor says something.
Her eyes flick down to his stomach and her chest heaves in a sob. What if she was right? What if it's hers? What if–
She hears a click.
It only hurt for a moment.
—
Rage's scream rips through the office. Fussa's office. Paresse can't even croak, watching his wife's body just… crumple in the chair. The hologram cuts out. Paresse stumbles back and holds his head in his hands. Mizho can't speak, either, but she's shaking. Vice has grabbed Rage.
"... it was faked… it has to be, they're not stupid… they wouldn't…" Her eye turns to look at Rage. He's practically clawing at his chest, only Vice able to keep him from it, forcing Rage into an embrace to keep him from tearing himself apart. No, it was real. She knew that frantic sobbing. It was the same way Vice had sobbed when he first came back after Kia's death.
That's it… she's all that's left. Kia and now Fussa… she knew it was only a matter of time but…
"Mizho…?" A voice that crackled, a broken voicebox. She looked at Paresse, who was reaching for her. Her shoulders slumped and she reached back, letting him pull her into a hug. No, she couldn't do that to him. Not on purpose. He was the only one left with a master, now.
She'd always, always planned to be the first one to go in a great blaze of fury, to burn her match down from both ends and end it with a great, disastrous flash in one final hoorah. … she supposed she could make this her last. Drag these bastards into the deepest pit of hell with her, kicking and screaming.
"We need to get her body." Paresse muttered into her ear. Rage was in hysterics, so he was being quiet, "We can't let them fuck with her body we have to find them. Now."
Fury blossomed on Mizho's face, her face creasing in a twisted way. He was right.
"Vice and I will. You stay with Rage."
Paresse doesn't answer for a long moment, then, "On one condition; you're not allowed to die."
"I won't. I'll have the twins. I'll have Vice."
Paresse pulls away and grabs her shoulders, looking her dead in the eye, "Listen to me. You're not. Allowed. To die. Do you understand?"
She knows what he's thinking. He knows she'd never planned to live this long anyways. Normally, she'd reprimand him for making an order to his queen… but she meets his gaze evenly, "I'm not going to die. After all, I still have one more kid to train, yeah?"
Surprise and then a broken smile. Paresse nods, "Damn right you do." He lets his hands fall off of her and turns away. He gently kneels next to Rage, who's finally screamed himself out. Rage latches onto him instantly, and Vice's eyes meet Mizho's.
—
She nods. It's been five years since Kia's death. There had been no vengeance then. No cathartic explosion of revenge killing for either of them. Maybe it was cruel to Fussa that they were thinking of Kia, too, but they had five years of grief festering under their skin, and this new wound was making the puss ooze and boil.
It took only an hour to locate where the broadcast had been sent from. Less than that to get there.
Fresh, ungodly sick rain slicked the streets. Trash floated along the sides of the street and disappeared into the sewers. The baying of hounds on the hunt echoed off cars and windows. Oil floated in the water and made it shimmer and ripple. Brick and concrete turned dark in the wet.
The baying stopped. Gunfire and shouting rang out like a bomb, and ended just as quickly. Something darker and thicker than rain and oil was spilled in droves. A small gang would cease to exist. Bodies are dragged through the muck. Some unconscious, most dead.
One body is carried, draped in a tarp to protect it from the rain.
—
Three men wake later, suspended in the air with their arms stretched out behind them, almost far enough to dislocate them, straining tendons at the very end of their limits. Arranged in a semicircle in a plain, windowless, ventless room, featureless room, they can all see each other… and start to scream at one another. Each accusing the others of getting them in this situation. All sorts of things are being slung, back and forth. Echoing off the empty walls and bouncing around.
They don't see the two tone eyes of their captor, standing in plain sight. They're all so focused on each other, selfishly screaming. And he lets them go at it. He listens to their voices start to strain, to crack. Finally, one spots him and goes dead still, causing the others to pause and look, too, at the looming man in the corner.
He is stood at attention, eyes focusing on the men with a hardness that can only be drilled into a person by years of training. He isn't wearing a shirt, nor is he covered in wrappings. His pants are black, plain. Keeping attention on his upper body. The exposed flesh is decorated with ink upon ink.
With a quiet precision, he moves from his place, standing in front of the men. Once again at attention, "Do you know who I am?"
Serpents and bulls and fish and turtles and owls and dogs. Guns and skulls and lyrics.
All flickered and shimmered in the light of a room that had gone deathly quiet.
The silence is louder than their argument had been.
"I asked a question."
His eyes flick between each of the three. One finally explodes, the one on his right.
"Yeah, I fucking do! You're the fucking dick who killed my sister! Blood for blood, asshole!"
The man slowly turns his head to look at him. And stays silent. He doesn't flinch when he's spat at. He looks to the next man, "What about you? Do you know?"
"...you're the guy who offered his life in place of the guy we killed…?" He weakly offered a guess, shrinking away from that gaze. The gaze that then turned to the third.
"And you?"
The man can't speak, and just shakes his head, looking anywhere but at their captor.
"Then let me introduce myself." The words fall out of his mouth like blood drips from a corpse's wounds. Slow and coagulated. No heartbeat behind the cold drip. Just the inevitably of gravity dragging it down, "I am former lieutenant Fussa Paresseux, Karakuridouji of Sloth. My former master, Michel Dubois, and I still hold the highest success rate of any seek and destroy unit that has ever existed in the Japanese military. My current master is Mizho, one of the two queenpins of the West Tokyo Incidents. She and I have killed hundreds more, for far less."
Dread enters even the one on the right's face. They all know his name, save for the addition of the surname. The man lifts up his right hand and runs his thumb over a silver band on his ring finger, his eyes never falling from them.
Silence. None of them will meet his gaze now, contemplating their fates.
"And you killed my wife."
One of them has the sense to shake their head, answering him.
"Do you know who she was?"
"Fussa Fusataro was a topside music producer and former rockstar. She was famous because she had clawed her way out from the underground as a trans woman and made a name for herself. She was loved and admired up there. Her music was featured across Japan and across the seas."
Another pause.
A pause, dragging out as one of the men begins to sniffle in fear, "She was the greatest informant the West Tokyo Incidents had. She escaped the most brutal justice system Japan has to offer while she was guilty as fucking sin. She was smart as a whip and clever as a fox."
One of them chokes as emotion finally graces his voice. A deep, crackling snarl full of both rage and grief. Paresse doesn't budge for a long time. And when he does speak, the snarl is gone. The flat tone becomes almost sympathetic. Almost. More mocking, really.
"You shot her in cold blood in front of her own douji, her friends, and her pregnant husband."
"You were just poor lowly thugs in the wrong place at the wrong time. You didn't know who I was. You didn't know I was married to the old woman you kidnapped. You didn't know who she was. You just knew she was associated with me. You just wanted to hurt me. You saw me panic when you started that holocall, and you decided you wanted to hurt me more. Congratulations." His tone is dead. Flat. "You achieved your goal. You have hurt me more than the gunman who shot Michel."
He slowly blinks, but none of the men see.
"But you didn't look to see how deep the water was. All you had to do was find out who she was and do a little more research. Ask around a little. People would have told you not to mess with her. But you just saw an opportunity and took it, didn't you?"
Silence.
"I have a funeral to attend, but I won't leave you alone for long. There's a couple people who'd like to introduce themselves as well while I'm gone." He puts the phone back in his pocket, "I'd highly suggest treating them with respect." He steps back and away, then walks to a door they can't see and exits.
"Answer me!" He suddenly snaps. They all rapidly nod, tears falling from some of their faces. Paresse just hums, then he straightens his back, having slipped into a slight slouch. He rolls his shoulders and glances at a phone, at the time.
Leaving them alone. Suspended in the air with their arms stretched out behind them. Almost far enough to dislocate them. Straining tendons at the very end of their limits. Arranged in a semicircle. In a plain, windowless, ventless room, featureless room.
—
Paresse exits the room and picks up his shirt, sliding it over himself. He straightens it and makes his way across the hall, to a room where the rest of the remaining Incidents are, and the ones who will be.
Mizho, Vice, Rage. Jupiter and Chihiro.
Jupiter and Chihiro don't exist in any record. They can't attend the funeral being put on for the public, no matter how Jupiter protested being left behind for his mother's funeral. All the Incidents have false identities already relating them to Fussa and Rage has no need for one, so they can all go. But he'd made a compromise with the two young ones.
Paresse's eyes fall on them. He holds up one finger, "You have one rule, you two. Do not kill them. The longer they live, the more they suffer. Understood?"
"Understood."
—
Paresse is silent through the whole thing. He watches others come and go. It takes a long time for him to be able to go up to the casket. He knows she's wearing the rings, and that her hands are positioned just so to hide them. Rage sits with him, all of the rest have gone up and paid their respects already.
Some people come up and ask their relation, they just parrot off their false identities. Paresse doesn't talk, but Rage vouches for him and that's enough to keep people off of him. It doesn't help that his stomach has been warring against him all day. Stress on top of the pregnancy was doing him zero favors.
The place is almost empty when he finally stands up and walks over to her. He's the very last one before the casket is closed. He leans against it. The mortuary people had done a good job hiding the bruises and setting her broken jaw. The other wounds hidden under her suit. Her hands folded over her chest. It doesn't feel real. She doesn't look real. He hated funerals just for that.
Rage waits by the door, arms behind his back. He watches Paresse reach in, and knows he's changing which hand is on top, exposing the rings. He makes a little face and sighs. He really should have left it be. It was already dangerous leaving the rings on her at all. If anyone saw the connection, matched their rings together… it could be the connection someone needs to know exactly who they are. But he knows Paresse isn't thinking about that. Probably isn't thinking about much at all.
Paresse flinches at the bright light as they exit the funeral home. As heat rolls over him and makes his stomach churn. He wavers in place, a hand going over his mouth.
But Paresse also closes the casket and steps away. The staff at this place are all paid off, he doesn't imagine they'll do anything now that it's closed. Rage decides not to say anything.
"Babe? You okay?"
"Too damn hot… I'm gonna be fucking sick again."
Rage leads him to a spot in the shade and he sits, arms around his stomach. Fortunately, it passes without him retching, but he decides against attending the burial. Rage feels obligated to, but Vice nor Mizho stay either.
Paresse rides in the back, a hand rubbing small circles into the muscles of his abdomen.
He goes to his room… but immediately turns and leaves.
It still smells like smoke.
—
For the next four months, all three men are kept alive. Force fed and half drowned to keep them hydrated. They're used to teach Jupiter and Chihiro about torture, kept alive at the very ends of their wits. Taught when to know someone is about to pass out or drown or just straight up die. Paresse teaches them how to dislocate joints and reset them.
One dies at the four month mark, Chihiro cutting too deep. Vice uses his body to teach the kids how to butcher and Paresse teaches them how to cook human flesh.
Paresse is definitely showing now, a noticeable bulge in his gut. It's been rough, but he attributes that to the grief and stress. Phantom pains and cramps abound. The nausea never really leaves like it did for Jupiter after the first few months. But he doesn't take check-ups with Dunstan or Pardonner. It's a douji/douji child, after all. Little risk compared to Kia's pregnancy, right? Jupiter had gone off without a hitch, so Paresse was confident he knew what he was doing now. He's just stressed.
Things have calmed by that four month mark. Fussa's job had long since fallen to another topside informant by the name of Akira after she'd officially retired, but he isn't permitted to use Fussa's old office for work. The office is still used for their meetings, but Fussa's desk is untouched unless it needs dusting. The smell of her favorite smoke sits in the wood like a ghost.
Another month passes and Jupiter suddenly snaps at one of the men remaining. He becomes a bloodstain. Jupiter's noh was rarely used. But the man had said something regarding his unborn sibling and metal turned his body into mush. Rage chastised him, but the tone of his voice makes it obvious that if Jupiter hadn't done it, Rage would have.
The third and final was Paresse's kill a few days later, and it was quick. They were tired of their playthings and the last man was given an undignified death, as pitiful as he was. Shot between the eyes like a lame horse.
—
Something goes very wrong in Paresse's last month.
It's the dead of night, the chill of winter keeping him bundled up tight. Rage is topside, working, so he's also alone. Curled up in the corner of the bed where it met the corner of the room. A warm cup in one hand and a pencil in the other, casually sketching. Headphones in his ears playing some of Rage's music. It's a peaceful night. He's not thinking about much of anything.
And then he shifts his weight and pain rips through him.
He screams. Mizho hears him, feels the echo of pain. She's already dialing Kiyose's number. It's some kind of blessing that Vice and the kids have already fallen asleep and don't wake from his scream.
There's so much blood. Why is there so much blood? Why is it red?? Douji don't bleed red!! It's a nightmare, it has to be, it has to be…!! It hurts so goddamn much!!
The moment Pardonner finally arrives, he sees and immediately gets to work. Kiyose tells Mizho to call Rage, sends her out of the room. Paresse is inconsolable and Pardonner has to knock him out, his noh sending the man right into a deep sleep.
"What is happening??" The older woman snaps, turning rapidly to face her once the door clicks shut. Kiyose keeps a straight face with a gentle, patient smile.
He knows what's happening. He only hopes it won't be stillborn. That he arrived in time. He focuses on his work, cutting Paresse open with careful movements. Once she's satisfied that he won't need her for a while, Kiyose steps out of the room to a pacing Mizho.
"Paresse has been pregnant with a human/douji hybrid, not a pure douji child. He's lucky they made it this far. They'll have a fighting chance this late, but it's possible that they won't make it…" Kiyose trails off.
Mizho is taken aback. The information processing a little at a time. "It's not Rage's kid."
The moment she says it, said man almost broke the door downstairs, storming in. Kiyose feels Pardonner call for her and she gives a little bow before going back in to assist her husband.
Mizho stares at the door as she hears Rage practically fly up the stairs. She spins around and slams a hand into his chest to stop him from running past her into the room. And stop he does, dead in his tracks. He knows far better than to disobey. But his eyes are frantic, darting between her and the door, pupils dilated from the suffocating smell of blood.
"Rage…" She starts, "Was Paresse only sleeping with you and Fussa before she died?"
"What– yeah, of course. I mean Vice sometimes with me and Ress but…" He sputters, "Why?"
—
Paresse comes back to and the world is spinning. He hears crying. His whole body aches, but especially head and his stomach. His stomach– his baby, where is his baby…?? He tries to sit up but a hand stops him as adrenaline returns to his system. A very bloody body is pressed against his chest.
"...it's a girl." Pardonner says, sitting back and watching, "She's premature, but she's healthy. You should have come to see us, we could have caught this and told you sooner."
Instinctively, he knows without seeing and wraps his arms around the newborn, eyes closing as he holds them. Panic bleeds out of his system and is replaced by joy, even as they scream. They're alive. His baby is alive.
Caught what…? Paresse opens his eyes, looking down at his baby… and froze. She has a headful of dark, black hair.
"She's a hybrid. She needed to have special care in the womb, like Chihiro."
Her crying slowly turns into little whimpers. Paresse runs a hand over her little cheek. He slowly curls around her, tears beginning to fall. She looks up at him… with rich brown eyes. A sob runs through his body and it hurts. His stitches protest as he holds the little one close and tries to keep from sobbing too hard. Kiyose smiles softly.
"I'm going to let Rage in. Is that okay, Paresse?"
He nods weakly.
Pardonner stays off to one side, on standby, as Rage comes in. Kiyose joins him once the door is closed again.
Rage quietly sits next to Paresse on the bed, gently rubbing his shoulder. The little girl looks up at him… and little tears start falling from him, too.
"She's Fusataro's…" Paresse manages, looking at Rage through his own tears. Rage smiles softly and nods.
"We're going to need a different name."
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~Metal Family headcanons~
These are like my... general hcs)? which means I didn't include my main hc that Glam, Ches and Vicky are polyamorous, married and started dating after Glam met Vicky, and absolutely everything that implies for the kids and the relationships between each member of the fam. Maybe I'll make a separate post for that or maybe not! Who knows lkfwnlfqnf
Glam
Bisexual
Glam has constant nightmares and ocasional night terrors ever since he ran away home and is an active sleep walker. Ches helped him through the worse ones when they were younger, and learned how to deal with them, always preferring not to wake him up but being with him until the episode passed. Vicky has learned how to deal with them, though she normally asks Ches for advice with it cuz she comes out short sometimes.
He has PTSD. I bet it's diagnosed too, he takes medication and goes to therapy, it doesn't mean he still doesn't have his bad days anyway. He's trying to get better.
Glam has talked to Vicky about his past, his father and his family. This is a direct contradiction of Alina's confirmation that Glam doesn't talk about it with anyone but man FUCK THAT. We love good communication in this house, Vicky tries her best to help him, but there's only so much she can do to help.
Glam enjoys gardening, cooking and making models, he also likes doing his make up, painting his nails and dressing up in fancy, extravagant clothes even if he has nowhere important to go.
He likes taking care of everyone's hair, and constantly helps Vicky brush her hair cuz there's so much of it, Dee when he gets stressed over how tangled it can get, buys Ches hair products so he actually takes care of it, and chases Heavy so the kid actually washes, untangles and brushes his hair.
This one is kind of weird, but I refuse to think any adult in the family is unarmed at any time. Glam owns a taser and pepper spray. They're bright pink and sparkly.
This man cried his eyes out while watching Coco. He's hell to watch movies with cuz he talks and predicts what's gonna happen during the movie, judges them with scores at the end and all.
Vicky
Also bisexual!
Vicky's the one who does everyone's laundry most of the time. She prefers it that way since she's the only one that knows how to wash their black clothes so the colors stay vibrant. (This is based on my gf shaming everyone but Vicky cuz their black clothes always look so muted and almost gray, but Vicky's whole outfit is always the same vibrant black colors, so we decided that neither Glam or the kids know how to wash dark clothes)
She has anger issues, if it isn't obvious. I think she also has PTSD, mainly survivor's guilt due to her surviving the accident her brother died in. She blames herself and cannot bear to talk about it, in some sort of deep denial. If she can't remember, it can't hurt as much, right?
She has scars on the right side of her back and her hip, from the road rash she got on her brother's accident, she never treated it due to grief and it scarred badly. Apart from that, the scar of the caesarean section from Heavy's birth. She doesn't really mind both of them, they happened, nothing to do about them.
She likes watching boxing competitions, brawling matches and motorcycle repairing on TV. Loves doing BBQ's and going to the pool. Also an enjoyer of teasing her kids, kissing and loving her husband at random times, spending time drinking and bonding with Ches and bragging about her family and punching anyone who thinks they're not that cool.
Not particularly a fan of make up, skirts and dresses or any traditionally femenine-perceived stuff. But has been making exceptions due to Glam and Ches being unashamed of being seen as femenine, and actually rocking the looks. The internalized misogyny is kind of slowly dissapearing.
Apart from the guns she carries in each arm (I mean her biceps, have you looked at the size of those?? She strong) she has brass knuckles on her at all times. Glam gifts her new ones sometimes, she loves having multiple choices to punch people teeth in.
Loves horror, thrillers and action movies. Falls asleep during rom-coms and dramas. Ironically, loves gossip and talking shit about people. Enjoys hearing Ches talks about the gossip going on in the nursery home even if she doesn't know who the hell he's talking about.
Rest of the family under the cut!
Heavy
Heavy is a trans boy! He doesn't know his sexuality yet though, he's still figuring himself out. When he's older, i think he definitely dated some men but had better luck with girls.
Heavy has had innocent crushes on some girls on his class before, but they never turn into anything more cuz he's not the best at expressing himself. He follows the bother-the-girl-to-death-until-she-hates-you gimmick, and unsurprisingly, it doesn't work.
I'm sorry to break this to u but Heavy totally had an among us phase, and uses so much reddit and twitch slang... You know he does.
Likes bullying and teasing his brother to death. You know that when Dee had his first romance, Heavy was ALL up in his business being a tease and a bad attempt at a wingman. He means well tho.
He's not squeamish at all. Also has great pain resistance. This kid has picked cockroaches with his bare hands and loves cats, of course the cats have scratched him. He's tough!
Grows up to be the charming himbo he was always destined to be.
Dee
I hc him as demisexual. Kind of inherited his dad's tastes for the takes no crap, intimidating but pretty kind of people.
Can't cook. He tries but he can only do basics like rice, cereal, chicken nuggets or eggs. Complicated meals always burn or don't taste like anything at all. It drives him crazy.
Dee was a quiet and very well behaved toddler before Heavy was born. He never threw tantrums or got whims. After Heavy was born though, and despite the fact he understood his brother was small and needed special care, he started craving attention often and cried and got mad at little things. Typical jealousy of the oldest sibling.
The first time Dee fell in love with someone, he didn't recognize it was love at first. He just thought his interest on the person was born out of curiosity and aesthetic attraction, but as soon as he realized he seeked validation and companionship, that he liked seeing them smile, that he wanted to protect them, that he yearned for more time alone with them and that he wanted more than what just a simple friendship implied, it was an instant 'oh hell no'. He wanted those feelings to get the hell away, but unfortunately, they were there to stay.
Canonically likes MLP, psychological and horror anime like Death note and Hellsing, so I'm deciding he also watched Death Parade, had a FNAF phase, is very into The Walten Files. This guy enjoys any kind of specially dark ARG's and knows a ton of lore of real crime, unsolved cases, ghost appearances and other stuff. Doesn't believe in the supernatural, but sure is entertained by it.
He's a mess at romance. Flirting? His attempts at compliments are hardly flattering. Giving gifts? The best he can manage is jewelry and you can kind of tell he asked his dad for help. Dates? He's so nervous he's silent for most of it, but begins getting comfortable and having fun if his partner really knows how to get him down from his negativity cloud.
Ches
Pansexual.
He's very good with kids. He has the patience of a saint and he's laid-back, chill and fun but still is an authority figure who knows how to put limits. Sure, he's gonna let the kids light up a house on fire BUT hey, now they know everything about fire precautions, burns and how to treat them AND how to get away with arson. What an educational evening, am I right?
Due to certain info from the "Goodbye" official comic, I headcanon Ches as depressed. I don't want to elaborate a lot 'cuz of spoilers, but... God, everything related to his mom fucking hurts, man. How did he deal with all that?
Ches has been Dee and Heavy's babysitter so many times he cannot count them with all his fingers. He learned how to put those kids to sleep almost immediately (Sing Bon Jovi's "This ain't a love song" and any cheesy love song in a slow lullaby style and they're out), which movie were their favorite as kids (Heavy loved 'Monsters Inc.' and Dee never looked away during 'Meet the Robinsons'), how to console them after nightmares (Heavy needed reassurance, sweet words, and to be with someone until he fell asleep again. Dee just had to be tucked in, get his nightlight turned on and kissed in the forehead). He practically raised those kids along with Vicky and Glam.
More than once, Dee and Heavy have slipped and called Ches "Dad". Ches immediately gets his shit eating grin on and answers "Yes, son?" and does a couple of dad jokes just to mess and embarrass them. He's actually very flattered and surprised at how proud of himself he is for being a father figure to both kids.
Has a scar on the left side of his forehead due to a bottle his mom threw at him when he was younger, around the time he met Glam. He hates the scar with passion, it's a permanent reminder of the fact she never cared, that's why he always keeps it covered with his headband. Gets sad about it sometimes.
Ches likes to spend his time with a group of grannies of the nearby nursing home. He genuinely considers them his friends and gossips and hangs out with all of them on weekends. Bingo, billiards, walks in the park, soap opera marathons, you name it. I even designed them, gave them names and backstories... God, i just love the concept too much. I'll make some art about Ches and his granny gang FOR SURE, you're NOT ready for them.
Carries a pocket knife on him at all times. This man grew up on a bad neighborhood and absolutely knows how to defend himself, he can be intimidating when he wants to be and will pose a threat if needed. He's fucking terrifying when genuinely mad. Just cause he looks harmless doesn't mean he is, darling.
That would be all!
#metal family#glam metal family#ches metal family#victoria metal family#chess metal family#dee metal family#heavy metal family#metal family glam#metal family victoria#metal family dee#metalfamily#metal family heavy
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A Court of Faded Dreams: Chapter 8
Chapter title: Virtues Written In Water
Fic Summary: In her grief after Rhys sacrifices himself to restore the Cauldron, Feyre accidentally sends herself back in time. Back in her human body, in her early days in the Spring Court, Feyre must be careful how she alters the timeline as she tries to save Rhys and Prythian from Under the Mountain.
Read on AO3 ⟡ Masterlist
Feyre awoke when the sun was high after tossing and turning all night. Seeing Rhys had been everything she’d hoped it would be and more, but a reality had settled with it that was difficult to face; Rhys was in Amarantha’s clutches, subject to her torment and cruelty while Feyre lavished in the comforts of the Spring Court. It was enough to make her feel sick as she soaked in the bath. She tried not to think of the horror dealt by her mate’s hand while he paraded as the Lord of Nightmares, as Amarantha’s whore. She knew his soul was slowly withering with every wicked thing he was forced to do for Amarantha’s amusement. She debated going in there right then to save him, but she had to play it smart. Rhys was strong, he would endure even if it broke Feyre’s heart to put him through it.
And her mate’s torment wasn’t the only difficult reality she had to face. There was also the matter of the enormous bruise on her neck and the High Lord prowling around downstairs. Feyre was going to try to make him an ally, but she wasn’t the least bit sure where to begin. She did know that she didn’t want to venture down this road with Tamlin again. Rhys deserved better than being painted the villain in this love story. And she did care about Tamlin, and Lucien. She wanted to believe their story could turn out different this time—better.
Feyre debated covering the hideous bruise. She didn’t want Tamlin to get any sense of male satisfaction from looking at it on her neck, but she didn’t want to look like she was bashful or embarrassed by it either. No, Feyre wanted Tamlin to see it on her neck and regret overstepping her boundaries.
“Good afternoon,” she said cheerfully as she flung open the doors to the dining room, finding Tamlin and Lucien sprawled in their usual chairs for lunch. Feyre slid into a seat across from Lucien, not the chair facing Tamlin where she usually sat.
Feyre drank deeply from her goblet of water before piling food on her plate, savoring the tense silence as the males observed her curiously.
“You look… refreshed,” Lucien observed with a wary glance towards Tamlin. “Sleep well?”
“Like a babe.” Feyre said with a smile, feeling Lucien’s eyes travel inexorably to her neck.
“What is that bruise?” he demanded.
Feyre pointed with her fork to Tamlin. “Ask him. Someone here hasn’t learned that ‘no’ means ‘no’,” she tried to put extra emphasis on the word, fixing the High Lord with a dark look.
Lucien glanced between the two of them inquisitively. “Why does Feyre have a bruise on her neck from you?” Cauldron damn him, he sounded almost amused by it.
“I bit her,” Tamlin said, not pausing as he cut his steak. “We ran into each other in the hall after the Rite.”
Feyre narrowed her eyes at him. He had the audacity to not sound the slightest bit remorseful.
“She seems to have a death wish,” he went on, thoroughly focused on cutting his meat. His claws stayed retracted but pushed against the skin above his knuckles. He was mad. Furious that Feyre had deigned to leave her room, but was keeping his anger on a tight, tight leash. “So, if Feyre can’t be bothered to listen to orders, then I can't be held accountable for the consequences.”
“Accountable?” Feyre growled, slamming her hands on the table. “The least you could do is apologize, High Lord.”
Lucien arched an eyebrow, covering his mouth with his hand as he turned his bright russet and gold eyes to Tamlin.
“While I might not have been myself, Lucien and I both told you to stay in your room,” Tamlin said, so calmly Feyre felt tempted to fling her fork at his head. The fact that Lucien seemed to be trying so hard to contain his laughter only further fueled Feyre’s growing wrath.
“Pig,” she snarled. “The next time you put your hands on me without my explicit consent, it will be your funeral.”
The amusement that had been twinkling in Lucien’s eyes ebbed at the implication. Feyre stood up from the table and stormed out of the room without another word. She didn’t know where to go. She had been hoping to snag one of them, particularly Lucien, for a bout of training, but she certainly wasn’t in the mood to see either of them now. She hadn’t taken up painting in her time here, had hardly even mentioned it to Tamlin. It was as if the part of her soul that whispered in colors and brushstrokes and the part of her soul that whispered to the darkness of the night were one in the same. Without knowing if Rhys was alive, she hadn’t felt alive enough to care about painting. And now that they’d been reunited, she knew she wouldn’t be able to indulge in that part of herself knowing her mate was in turmoil Under the Mountain.
So Feyre ended up in the library instead. She figured she might try to make herself useful in some way as she browsed Tamlin’s collections for books about Hybern, the Cauldron, and Under the Mountain. She was doubtful she’d find any information Rhys didn’t already have, but it was better than doing nothing.
⟡⟡⟡
Tamlin apologized at dinner, presenting a bouquet of white roses from his parents’ garden. Feyre wanted to make him squirm, but she eventually accepted the apology and, reluctantly, the roses. But when Feyre returned to her room, she asked Alis to put them somewhere out of sight. She couldn’t stand to look at them, at what they might represent. She’d have to make things clear with Tamlin sooner rather than later.
⟡⟡⟡
Despite the bruise that stained her neck, things returned to relative normalcy in the Spring court. Feyre chose to train with Lucien the next morning, though Tamlin had been available. She’d elected to ignore the irate huff of nostrils when she’d pointedly asked Lucien to escort her to the training ring, but nothing else was said about it the rest of the day. The next morning Lucien mysteriously had emissary business to attend to, and Tamlin had invited her out on a ride to another beautiful glen.
Feyre tried not to seem uncomfortable being alone with Tamlin, lest he misread the nervous energy as something more. But she certainly felt unbalanced around her ex-lover. If there was an opportune moment to reject his affections, it would be today.
There were no enchantments in the spot Tamlin had chosen today—no pools of starlight or rainbow waterfalls. Just a grassy glen watched over by a weeping willow with a clear brook running gently beside it. Tamlin was lounging silently beside her, having dozed off at some point while Feyre had lounged in the sun, not nearly so peaceably. The warmth of the sunshine drifting through the canopy had only reminded Feyre about how pale Rhys had looked when she’d seen him on Calanmai. It was difficult to savour that which she knew her mate was missing terribly, especially in the company of Tamlin.
She had glanced over at him while chewing guiltily on her lip. He must not have been as soundly asleep as Feyre thought. For the second she turned her attention onto him, Tamlin peaked an eye open with a lazy smile.
“The willow’s singing always puts me to sleep.”
Feyre cast her eyes to the elegant drooping branches that swooped down around them like a veil. The leaves almost glittered in the sunlight that peaked through. She glanced back to Tamlin and gested to her rounded ears.
“I can’t hear it,” she said with a shrug, though she felt a pang in her heart. There had been a time when she’d resented that she lost her mortality. But in the last year she’d grown to love the fae, her magic, and the way the world came alive in ways she did not understand as a mortal. Without all of those things, the world felt muted. Like a blanket had been laid over her senses. “Human ears aren’t keen enough, I suppose.”
Tamlin smiled and half sat up, twisting to look at Feyre. “Human senses are sealed off from most things.”
Feyre offered him a smile that felt more like a grimace. “A pity, if the willow’s song is as wonderful as you make it sound.” She knew from experience that it was indeed.
Tamlin leaned forward to pluck a strand of grass from her hair and Feyre leaned away from the touch almost instinctively. He dropped his hand with a frown. “I could make you able to see it,” he said. “You could see my world—hear it, smell it,” he sat up, wiping away his frown to offer her a sultry smile, “taste it.”
She had to admire his effort, at least. Feyre knew what he was about to offer her, and weighed her options silently. She didn’t want to kiss Tamlin, but having fae senses would be invaluable Under the Mountain.
“How?” she whispered, almost reluctantly.
“Every gift comes with a price,” he grinned. “A kiss.”
“Having human senses in this world puts me at a great disadvantage,” she said with a frown. “You would use that fact for your own personal gain?”
“I’m one of the High Fae—we don’t give anything without gaining something from it.”
A lie. A lie and an excuse. But Feyre knew this wasn’t just about seducing her for his own gain, he was trying to save his court. However misguided that endeavour was. But a kiss didn’t necessarily have to be on the lips… and Feyre remembered she had used a similar loophole originally as well. Even if back then she had actually wanted to kiss Tamlin. And maybe she could work this to her advantage, too.
“A kiss in exchange for faerie senses… and a pair of fighting leathers, with armor reinforced in the arms.”
Tamlin looked momentarily taken aback. “What would you need that for?”
Feyre grinned. A pair of fighting leathers wouldn’t make a massive difference in the trials, but if she had extra protection in her arms perhaps her injury would not be so severe this time around. Perhaps it will earn her a little extra peace of mind when fighting the Wyrm.
“Is it a deal?
Despite the unusual request, Tamlin broke into a wicked grin. “You’re indeed learning our ways. Fine, then. It’s a deal.”
Feyre tried not to look agitated as she sat up on her knees, staring expectantly at Tamlin. His wolfish smile was certainly not reassuring.
“Close your eyes,” he said, and Feyre obeyed. She braced herself at the brush of his mouth on one of her eyelids, then the other. He pulled away, and Feyre gasped as her fae senses returned in a flurry of sound and taste and smell.
The singing of the birds became an orchestra—a symphony of gossip and mirth. And beyond the birdsong, there was the ethereal melody of the willow. A woman’s voice drifted to her in a gentle caress of melody, melancholy and weary. The world was richer, clearer and it felt like a fog had finally been wiped away from her mind.
Feyre looked to Tamlin, who had released the damper on his magic so that his skin gleamed in gold and around his head was a circlet of sunshine. His eyes were no longer green, but an effervescent mix of colors, as though every leaf in the forest had bled into one shade. It was devastating, captivating. He was thrumming with power beyond belief and yet… it did not thrill her, not like it once had. He smiled at her, and then all at once it vanished as he notched his glamour back into place.
“Thank you,” she said simply. Though she knew he was owed her half of the bargain still, she’d truly forgotten how vibrant the world was as a fae.
“What about your part of the bargain?”
Feyre offered him a wicked smile. “I don’t suppose I can withhold the kiss until I receive the fighting leathers?”
Tamlin tutted. “Is it not fair for me to deliver half of my bargain before the kiss and half after?”
Feyre paused in consideration before she reached out to grab his fingers, promptly brushing her lips against the back of his hand. “There’s your kiss,” she said, letting go.
Tamlin roared with laughter. Feyre was going to taunt him for not choosing his words more carefully, when the world began to blur, lulling her to sleep. She tried to resist, knowing it was the willow beckoning her to lay down, but all she could think about was sleeping. How nice it would feel to shut her eyes.
Tamlin cursed. “Feyre?”
The willow soothed and whispered her sweet song to Feyre, who suddenly felt that there was no better place to sleep than right there, listening to the willow and the birds and the brook. Though her senses were now fae, her defenses against magic were still pathetically mortal. So there she curled on her side, using her arm as a pillow.
“I should bring you home,” Tamlin murmured, but made no move to drag Feyre to her feet. Instead he plopped onto the grass beside her as Feyre gently nodded off and darkness swallowed everything.
⟡ ⟡ ⟡
The next morning, Feyre was delighted to see Alis come in, looking wonderfully like herself in her tree-bark skin.
“Morning, Alis!” she chirped, and the female gave her a bemused look as she took to starting Feyre’s bath.
Her pleasure only grew as she stepped into the halls to find the hallways bustling with masked faeries. It was ridiculous to think how many fae had been around with Feyre none-the-wiser. She offered smiles to the High Fae and lesser faeries alike, many seemingly dumbfounded to receive her attention.
As usual, she found Lucien and Tamlin in the dining room. She gave Lucien a sidelong glance as she slid into her seat. She wondered if he’d truly been away on emissary business the day before, or if Tamlin had pressured Lucien to make himself scant after Feyre had made it clear she preferred his company.
“Been busy lately, Lucien?” she asked with a grin that bordered on taunting, practically trying to tell the males she was onto their game.
“Indeed. So have you, I take it.”
Feyre snorted. “And what makes you say that?”
“If I offer you the moon on a string, will you give me a kiss, too?”
“Don’t be an ass,” Tamlin said to him with a soft snarl, but Lucien was laughing, and continued laughing as he walked out the door.
Alone with Tamlin again, it was then Feyre realized he looked tense, and like he wanted to say something to her but wasn’t sure where to begin.
“What is it?” she asked, raising her brows at him.
Tamlin sighed. “There’s a… blight on our lands. Creatures like the naga and the Bogge came here as a result of it. And the blight has been acting up recently, so I fear more of these creatures will be freed from their tethers.”
It’d only just occurred to Feyre that this was the first time they’d talked about the blight, or even vaguely mentioned anything to do with Amarantha and his curse. She hadn’t bothered to ask because she’d already known everything, and she hadn’t had the patience to entertain their lies and half answers. She wondered if she came off careless or naive because of it, but she knew Tamlin was probably relieved his little human hadn’t been probing too much.
“Now that you can see my court, they may blend in more easily. If you spot one, even if it looks harmless but makes you feel uncomfortable, pretend you don’t see it. Don’t talk to it. If it hurts you, I… the results wouldn’t be pleasant for it, or for me.”
“I’ll keep an eye out,” Feyre assured him, mostly because she wasn’t sure what else to say. He probably expected her to ask questions about this mysterious blight, or the creatures she might encounter, but she truthfully couldn’t be bothered to think of any. And she knew Tamlin wouldn’t answer them anyway.
Instead her thoughts led her back, as they frequently did, to Rhys. What part of this insurgence in the “blight” did he play? And how much of his heart was it costing him?
The next morning, Feyre found the head in the garden. She’d been unable to find Tamlin or Lucien, so she’d set off to the training ring to see if she could get an errant sentry to train with her instead. But as she’d stepped through the glass doors, she’d suddenly been faced with a bleeding High Fae head—spiked atop a fountain statue of a great heron flapping its wings.
The stone was soaked in enough blood to suggest that the head had been fresh when someone had impaled it on the heron’s upraised bill.
Feyre’s heart sank when she saw it. For the dead male, and for the High Lord she knew was responsible. He’d been here.
Feyre was aware of Tamlin and Lucien coming up behind her, faces grim.
“Not Autumn Court,” Lucien said. “I don’t recognize him at all.”
Tamlin’s hand clamped on Feyre’s shoulder as he turned back toward the head. “Neither do I.” A soft, vicious growl laced his words, but there were no claws prickling Feyre’s skin where he gripped her.
Lucien stepped into the small pool in which the statue stood—striding through the red water until he peered up at the anguished face.
“They branded him behind the ear with a sigil,” Lucien said, swearing. “A mountain with three stars—”
“Night Court,” Tamlin said too quietly.
Feyre pressed her lips together in muted horror as Lucien climbed the statue to remove the head. She couldn’t remember if Rhys had an ulterior motive for the grim message, or if he was simply forced by Amarantha’s hand. It certainly made an alliance with the Spring Court more difficult to navigate, but she knew Rhys would have weighed his decision accordingly. She also wouldn’t pretend she didn’t know that the beheading was a nod to the same brutality the Spring Court had shown Rhys’s sister and mother. A tentative peace Under the Mountain would not be enough to rectify a betrayal that deep.
“The Night Court does what it wants,” Tamlin was explaining to her. “They live by their own codes, their own corrupt morals.”
“They’re all sadistic killers,” Lucien added. She dared a glance at him, perched on the heron’s stone wing. “They delight in torture of every kind—and would find this sort of stunt amusing.”
Feyre considered Cassian’s shit-eating grin and almost laughed at the idea that the rest of the world considered him a cruel, sadistic killer. He was certainly capable of it, she knew, but never without reason. But the reputation of the Court of Nightmares preceded them.
Feyre cringed at the thick, wet sounds of flesh and bone on stone as he yanked the head off.
“To get in and out of our defenses, to possibly commit the crime nearby, with the blood this fresh…” there was a splash as Lucien landed in the water again. “It’s exactly what the High Lord of the Night Court would find amusing. The bastard.”
Cauldron boil her, maybe Feyre was being foolish to think an alliance was possible.
Tamlin brushed a thumb against her shoulder. “You’re still safe here. This was just their idea of a prank.”
Feyre nodded absentmindedly as Lucien splashed out of the fountain with the head, blood crusting his hands and clothes.
“They’ll get what’s coming to them soon enough.”
Feyre supposed that was supposed to be comforting, the promise of further bloodshed. Tamlin growled at Lucien to take care of the head, and the gravel crunched as Lucien departed. Feyre tracked the male as he left. Once he was gone, Tamlin turned to face her fully and clasped her shoulders. He rubbed his thumbs in circles reassuringly.
“It’s court posturing,” he said. “The Night Court is deadly, but this was only their lord’s idea of a joke. Attacking anyone here—attacking you—would cause more trouble than it's worth for him. If the Night Court enters our borders again, we’ll be ready.”
A bold thing to say given that Rhys had slipped in so close to the manor completely undetected, and she knew he would be able to do it again easily. She wondered if Tamlin would ever be equipped to fulfill such a promise.
“I’m not afraid of the Night Court,” she said measuredly. Feyre knew Tamlin would dismiss it as her being brave and foolish, or perhaps trustful of him and his power to protect her. But she was never in any danger to begin with.
Tamlin considered her thoughtfully. “Good.” He gave her arm an assuring squeeze. “You have no reason to be.”
He left shortly after, leaving Feyre to her thoughts. She sat on the fountain in the wake of his departure, mulling over the gruesome event. Wondering, perhaps selfishly, why Rhys had been so close and hadn’t reached out to her. Her best guess was that he hadn’t wanted Feyre to witness what he’d done.
She glanced at the bloodied water remorsefully, absently wondering if she would have sullied her own hands to keep his clean. Would she be capable of something like this? Had the man been innocent? She cringed at the thought, but as she did so, something in the water caught her eye.
Feyre frowned and leaned down, plucking a small silver coin from the bottom of the shallow pool. She turned it over in her hand curiously. It seemed an ordinary coin, polished and glistening under the warm morning sun. There was a human tradition she’d heard of, from a time and place when people were well-off enough to cast coins into wells and fountains for the folly of a wish being granted. She didn’t think the Fae observed such practices.
Feyre could think of only one person who’d been in proximity to this fountain that would entertain something so whimsical. She stared at that small coin in her palm and wondered what her mate had wished for.
Taglist:
@cretaceous-therapod @ feybaenc
#acotar#acotar fanfic#fanfiction#feysand#feyre#rhysand#feysand fic#sjm#sjm fic#I'm a hoe for shakespeare refrences#A Court of Faded Dreams
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So...what kind of horror movie would you write featuring the Hargrove/ Mayfield family? (That you haven't written already lol)
oh boy, u may regret asking me this bc i am indecisive af and i can’t pick just one!
two that i'm actually writing are max as (g is for) ghostface killer in the abcs of neil’s death and also the max + tory nichols werewolf movie fic outlined here. also some more misc gorror junk bc i’m a demon and esp horny for susan wearing blood splatter. but more ideas commence below:
horror movie #1: another creature feature! awhile back @lucdarling sent me an ask abt max + billy hiding smth from susan and her like, playing along, pretending she doesn't know, and one of the scenarios that popped in my head was them keeping a baby bat as a pet. max finds it and she’s only like six or seven, and she thinks it’s going to turn into a vampire. so here is that scenario except horror edition: baby bat is actually a vampire type creature. not rly a vampire like, what’s prolly popping into ur head, like an undead human like dracula or smth, but like a bat monster that sucks blood.
billy being a lil older doesn’t actually think the bat is going to turn into a vampire. he makes fun of max for believing this, but he helps her take care of it anyway bc he thinks it’s cool. susan, like in the non-horror version, knows abt the bat but plays dumb bc she’s feeling a lot of guilt abt max’s difficulty adjusting to the blended fam (as of rn tho, neil has yet to reveal his abusive nature. the red flags are not yet red, more of a brownish maroon, and he is on his best behavior almost all the time, showering susan + max with affection and keeping the swears out of his mouth when he scolds billy in front of them) and knows the lil furry baby makes her happy. she tacitly cleans up after the bat whenever the kids miss a spot (bats poop a lot, dude) and distracts neil, deterring him from discovering it whenever he gets close.
baby bat gets rly big rly fast. and the older it gets, the more it starts to look monstrous. it still has bat features but it’s just like, different. its fangs grow suspiciously long, its hooks grow suspiciously long. its feet are elongated. a dorsal ridge emerges from its spine, spikes at first just flesh but soft fur rather like peach fuzz eventually sprouting. billy catches on that smth is strange abt this animal when it's as long as his forearm after two wks and still growing. he nearly shits a brick when the bat is clinging to his sweater one day and he steps in front of a mirror and only his reflection looks back at him— no bat.
max laughs at him all like, “stupid brother, ofc there’s no reflection. nosferatu is a vampire, vampires don’t have reflections.” 😂
susan catches a glimpse of the thing when nosferatu crawls out of the home max built it in her closet the same wk billy realizes it doesn’t have a reflection, and also almost shits a brick. she doesn’t know what it is, but it’s NOT a fucking bat. not a normal one, anyway! cue a comedy scene where she’s chasing it around the house with a butterfly net and it’s always one flap *ba dum tss* ahead of her, flying just out of reach. she suddenly regrets not getting rid of it sooner, scolding herself for ever allowing her daughter to keep a wild animal.
she can’t catch it. max comes home, susan tells her she needs to get rid of it. max cries, flips her the bird, refuses. billy tho…billy has mixed feelings. he loves nosferatu but he’s worried it’s going to get dangerous. he loves his dad and his dad is dangerous too. he’s stressed out enough, always on edge, knowing that one way or the other, neil is going to hurt him again. he’s already waiting for his dad to hurt him, he doesn’t need the added stress of waiting for nosferatu to hurt him too. and while max is 100% nosferatu’s favorite, it likes billy too. billy’s been handling it since it could fit in the palm of his hand, it trusts him much more than it trusts susan and doesn’t know any different when billy takes it out of the closet when max isn’t around.
billy frees nosferatu at an abandoned farm. there are always bats flying out of the old silo adjacent to the dilapidated barn. while he knows nosferatu isn’t a *normal* bat, it’s still bat like enough that he thinks it might make friends and be happy here…
yeah, that doesn’t stick. before long, nosferatu is feasting on that colony. leeches the blood out of a couple bats nightly. the number of bats increases with nosferatu’s size. meanwhile, max mourns her missing friend. she’s sullen af and won’t speak to susan at all. she thinks susan is the one who got rid of nosferatu. billy never fesses up and susan doesn’t contradict max’s assumption bc she wants the step-siblings to get along.
neil, meanwhile, is getting more comfortable. those maroon flags are slowly but surely brightening to scarlet. he starts sabotaging susan’s plans with her friends, trying to keep her around the house more and more, quietly but steadily eroding her relationships with other people. he’s getting more visibly aggressive when he disciplines billy. he curses him out with a virulent venom that dunks susan’s stomach in ice water and scares max so badly, she runs to susan and hides behind her even though she’s still so mad that susan got rid of her beloved baby vampire.
nosferatu’s appetite surpasses what the bat colony can offer. it’s like the size of a ten yr old human child now. fucker’s big. it doesn’t just have fangs on top, but tusks on bottom. it can’t go out in the sunlight anymore, the sun sears its flesh. it misses max a lot and before, it wasn’t strong enough to fly back to her house. but now it is. it’s extremely strong, actually.
so bc it's hungry, nosferatu grabs a snack along the way. some nameless rando, it swoops down and sucks dry. nourished and much happier, nosferatu makes its way back home. patiently waits outside of max’s bedroom in the moonlight, tapping its hook against the window until she wakes up. initially max is a lil startled— nosferatu looks so different, there’s a beat before she recognizes it— him?? yk, ig it’s male, the og nosferatu was a guy. sure, why not, nosferatu is a boy now.
once she realizes who it is, she is so! happy! max opens the window and embraces her friend. she isn’t freaked out by the blood on its fangs. she’s always known nosferatu is a vampire, albeit, she was thinking he’d look more like dracula than this bat-monster-thingy.
nosferatu moves back into max’s closet. it hangs upside-down from her rod by its weird, elongated feet. we get more shots of nosferatu sucking rando ppl dry at night, tho he remains gentle with max. when max drags billy in to show her he came back, nosferatu is less friendly with him. he’s not aggressive with billy, but he is standoffish. nosferatu’s thought process is somewhere between human and animal. he doesn’t quite cognitively understand that billy took him to the farm with the intent of getting rid of him, but he does understand that the last time he clung to billy, billy left him alone and never came back. max puts two and two together, and realizes it was billy who “stole” her friend. she yells at him a lot, he yells back, she then ices him out.
billy acts out bc he’s upset. runs away, thinks he’s going to find his mom…the cops find him first and call neil. neil is rly embarrassed and pissed abt the whole thing. he breaks down and beats billy in front of the mayfields for the first time. nosferatu smells the blood and it’s time for the main event! we love dead!neil, yes, we do.
nosferatu flies out the closet and right into the living room where billy’s bleeding and teary but biting his lip so they don’t actually fall. susan’s covering max’s eyes but so shocked and tbh, FRIGHTENED, she doesn’t move a muscle beyond that. neil’s got the belt raised, preparing to bring it down again, and nosferatu smashes right into him. neil stumbles, turns back to see this freaky monster looking thing. proceeds to whip the belt at nosferatu. tries to fight him off with the belt and it doesn’t accomplish much beyond pissing him off more— nosferatu, like most classic vampire types, has a healing factor!
max rips her mom’s hands off her face in time to see her pet sink its fangs into her stepdad’s throat. nosferatu sucks neil dry. billy’s a little dazed, not quite frightened. susan is just dead ass frozen, too scared to scream, even. nosferatu crawls over to billy and nudges at him, making sure he’s in once piece and forgiving him in the same go. max darts over and that snaps susan out of her stupor, but she isn’t as fast as our blood-sucking bat monster.
nosferatu stretches his wings out and with a truly impressive wingspan, hugs both of the kids. <3
horror movie #2: a haunting! this one opens with a bang. it’s a tragic horror, beware. we’re in hawkins post s3. billy died at starcourt mall. neil’s obvi had a longstanding abusive mindset and abusive behavior, but he rly takes his grief out on susan and max. mostly susan. she does her best to protect max however she can, whether that means shielding her w her body, sending her out of the house, getting neil’s goat to inspire his ire in max’s place, etc. but sue simply isn’t around all the time and when she isn’t, but max is, well. yk.
one day neil comes home early (bc he lost his job for a violent outburst, tbh) and discovers susan packing a suitcase.
sue fights hard. she rly does. but neil is bigger, heavier, crueler, and to boot, he caught her completely unawares. he kills her. and no, no it’s not some accidental thing where neil makes one bad move rage-blind. he strangles her with his belt. she’s clawing at his arms and making these horrible choked, trapped animal noises. thrashes and twists her body with everything she has trying to get him off but he’s so strong, his grip is unrelenting, and she's growing weaker, lightheaded with the lack of oxygen. strangulation can induce incontinence and when susan blacks out, her piss streams to the hardwood— neil hears that as much as he felt the clawing and heard the noises, even now he could stop, but he doesn’t. he just. doesn’t think his wife has the right to leave him, esp not after his son just did.
neil burns the body and the suitcase in the woods while max is at school. max has been spending as much time as she can (and often with sue’s prompting) outside of the house, so it actually takes her about two days to realize her mother isn’t around. neil tells a pretty convincing story about how susan abandoned them, voice saturated with apology and sorrow. he takes her out for a fancy dinner and promises he’s going to be a better father-- that being a better father is the least he can do now that her mother abandoned her and they are alone in their grief.
max doesn’t know what to think. she’s been preoccupied with her own grief and pain. she finds it hard to believe her mother would just leave her to neil’s wrath. she has a lot of hangups with susan and anger toward her for marrying neil and not getting them out sooner, but she’s also old enough to realize there would be risks involved with that. it’s hard to reconcile the memory of her mother just last wk pinning max to the wall to protect her from neil’s blows with her own bod just abruptly taking off without a word in the middle of the night. but hey, maybe that’s why susan left. maybe she got sick of protecting her, maybe the pain got to be too much and she turned tail.
but also…it’s early october now, abt three months after billy’s death but still fairly warm outside. yet neil is wearing long sleeves. neil never used to button his collared shirts all the way up, and yet. every collar is buttoned. also, mom’s car is still here. why would mom leave without her car?
that ceramic pelican she loved so much is still here too, on the mantle in the living room. it doesn’t seem like the kind of thing she would leave behind, she's had it since max was a baby.
max almost wants to believe neil because she’d rather her mother abandoned her than be dead somewhere, rotting in a storage locker or a hole in the ground. under the earth with the worms, just like billy. max has the worst feeling low in the pit of her gut. she thinks she knows the truth. she thinks abt going to hopper and hesitates bc she’s not sure she could handle it if he actually found smth. or what would happen to her if he did, where she would be sent, who she would end up with.
this movie would be more on the ambiguous end of things. an arthouse horror, if u will.
the days turn into wks and neil is crawling in his skin. the viewer isn’t sure if the shadows he’s seeing, always, always susan-shaped shadows, are of a ghostly nature or if he’s just hallucinating out of guilt. but the signs gradually point to the former— that smth paranormal is indeed going on. bc those scratches and bite marks susan left in his skin?
they do not heal. they do not get infected. they do not become necrotic. but they do not heal, either. days turn into wks and the wounds still look fresh, like she just left them moments ago. neil can’t wear light colors anymore because his wounds weep red into the fabric. he isn’t just seeing susan’s shadows either, he’s smelling her.
he washes his sheets and pillowcases a dozen times and the scent of her shampoo, her lotion, it’s like it’s woven into the fibers. he walks into the hallway and chokes on the aroma of susan’s perfume. he wonders if max is screwing with him, if max figured it out and she’s trying to torture him into a confession. one day he stomps off to max's bedroom, furious, adamant on confronting her. he grabs her doorknob, prepared to yank it open and then lets out a yelp, jerking his hand back with a sudden sharp pain.
it feels like a bee sting (which would be esp bad for this fucker in anything i write, bc i headcanon him as being allergic). but there’s no stinger. no injury. nothing. neil is freaked out enough that he backs down.
max, on the other hand, is getting gentler signs. when she turns the radio dial in the camaro, it’s somehow always her mom’s favorite songs that come thru the speakers. when she goes to pull clothes out of her drawers in the morning, she discovers that the things she’d just shoved inside in wrinkled balls are perfectly folded, neat as a pin, exactly like how susan always folded. susan was always fond of cardinals and suddenly max is seeing cardinals, pretty red cardinals, in just abt erry tree and shrub.
neil wakes up one night to his wife’s voice whispering “boo” right in his ear. he throws the covers off and discovers ashes in the bed. he doesn’t smell susan’s shampoo or lotion anymore, he smells the kerosine he’d poured all over her body.
his wounds still won’t heal. whenever he looks in the mirror, he catches a glimpse of susan walking past behind him, peering at him from her peripheral. he whips around, heart hammering, but there’s never any tangible person there.
max is almost certain her mother is dead at this point. neil’s been so bizarrely nice to her lately. she never believed in ghosts but her experiences with the upside-down broadened her perception of reality. she doesn’t know how else to explain the songs, the cardinals, the folded clothes. the way that these days, whenever she does feel fear toward neil, it just fades away. her fear melts like popsicles in the sun, immediately replaced by the sensation of a warm, maternal hug, as if arms she can’t see are trying to reassure her she truly doesn’t need to be afraid of him anymore.
in fact, max feels so unafraid of neil and brave, that one night she calls him out on it. he’s grizzled and unshaven in his recliner, beer in hand. she steps in front of the television he’s vacantly fixated on and folds her arms across her chest.
“you killed my mom, didn’t you?”
quick as a flash, neil leaps to his feet. he brings his arm back like he’s going to strike her and susan’s ceramic pelican on the mantle explodes into shards. the lights flicker, the television program cuts to snow with a static roar. every other knickknack on the mantle rattles and framed photos tumble off the wall.
neil very wisely lowers his hand. he slumps, boneless. he doesn’t say a word. max sees the answer in his eyes. it’s the dead of night and she snatches the camaro keys off the hook, marching out of the house, slamming the door behind her. it’s the dead of night and she doesn’t care. she’s going to blow past every stop sign and pound on the chief’s door until he opens up. and fuck, i just realized if this is post s3 he’s supposed to be in russia. shit. i don’t watch this show, but i know abt russia bc i DID watch the clips of that demogorgon that i rly hope isn’t stuck in captivity!! okay, but let’s pretend that didn’t happen?
it’s an au?? i mean, errything i write is always technically an au anyway, bc when i write stuff susan has an actual personality and billy isn’t *completely* abhorrent. okay, so it’s an au and mr. hopper didn’t blow up and un-blow up in russia. he’s still here. so max drives to his house.
she pounds on the door so hard this guy snaps outta bed, thinking someone’s trying to bust it down. she tells him neil confessed to killing her mom. it isn’t true, exactly, but he didn’t have to. so it’s a helluva grim drive back to cherry lane, this time in the cop car.
but when they go inside, chief prepared to arrest neil, no need. neil’s hanging from the belt he strangled susan with, shirtless for the first time since that night, erry seemingly fresh furrow and bite mark on full display. below his dangling feet is a map, the area he burned susan’s corpse in circled in red marker. did he kill himself or did the ghost do it?
up to u, we soundlessly cut to credits without a concrete answer to that question.
horror movie #3: crossover special! stranger things meets the chilling adventures of sabrina. sequel to that fic i wrote where susan makes out with lilith, queen of hell, and lilith kills neil for her. sue officially joins the church of lilith. bc in this ‘verse the church of lilith actually happens after caos s2 instead of the nonsense that was s3 and the inconceivably godawful migraine-inducing shit-fest that was s4.
killing neil was lilith’s only freebee. susan isn’t a witch, she’s a mortal, so in order to reap the other rewards of worshipping the one and only mother of demons, she has to fornicate with the witches and participate in the sacrifices!!!
this is, uh, well. it’s p much a porno, dude, sorry. 😅
this is just an excuse for susan to have sex with lilith, zelda, marie, hilda, big witch orgies + susan. witches bathing in the blood of their sacrifices, susan so nervous and timid but unable to deny her desire. the witch’s dressing her in their gothic garb.
how does the rest of the fam get it on this?
max joins the church too. she has more age-appropriate conduct with sabrina and the weird sisters, and what have you. just smooches and over-the-clothes groping, and whatnot, even tho the weird sisters, at least, would be interested in going further if given the opportunity.
billy dies in starcourt again, so he gets revived in the cain pit! hilda is the one who goes to him after bc she’s been in the cain pit many a time (i am still BIG side-eyeing zelda for repeatedly murdering her sister since childhood). hilda understands how jarring it can be to come back. suddenly alive!billy is freaking tf out but she brings him inside the mortuary, wraps him up in a big blanket burrito and they have a talk. hilda explains that he’s going to be okay and rubs his back while he tentatively sips the hot chocolate she made.
after billy’s calmed down, she brings max and susan in. max and susan can’t do as much magic as the caos witches— they’re mortals, after all, it’s not in their nature —but they’ve gained some abilities thru being in the church, following the rituals, and being carnally involved with the immortal witches. max happily shows him some of her new magic tricks.
horror movie #4: another crossover with caos. heavily inspired by creepshow episode s2e1, model kid (which i already v blatantly referenced in the last axe snafu update and i’m not ashamed, bc it’s a good series i love v much).
billy picks max up from the byers’ place rly late one night. it’s dark and the weather is bad and okay, yeh, he might be a little high. and a little concussed. he pissed neil off pretty bad the other day and okay, actually he’s defo concussed bc he doesn’t even remember what he did wrong!
needless to say, they take a wrong turn somewhere. they end up in greendale. at first max is pissed. she yells at him a lot! yells so loud hilda can hear them thru the walls of dr. cerberus’s comic shop/diner. she goes outside to see what all the fuss is abt, hilda never rly ignores youth in need. we love hilda, she deserved so much better…i’m getting distracted, okay, back to the story.
hilda ushers them inside. max is like, “ooh, comics? horror junk and comics? nvm, i’m not mad anymore.” she pats billy’s arm and wanders away to go check stuff out! hilda makes billy sit down. caos canon established that she’s psychic, at least when she wants to be. she smells the weed but she also sees his life, his trauma. billy doesn’t remember what he did to piss neil off or the abuse that followed, but hilda sees it clear as day.
he’s rude and cranky w her when she probes a little too much for his liking. hilda gently but firmly reprimands him and gets him a milkshake on this house. then she goes to check on max. she steers max to a v particular section of the shop, the one that sells model kits. now, max isn’t *huge* into model kits BUT they are p neat and she enjoys them well enough. more so when the weather is nasty and she can’t go outside. or when she needs smth to do with her hands (a trait she shares w susan) to distract herself and ease some of the anxiety when she hears her brother being beaten or her mother being shouted at.
max is actually rly impressed by the array of models. vintage ones and newer ones. monsters, slashers, final girls, tiny accessories like knives and bloodied heads. but when she gets to the paint-your-own shelf, her jaw drops to the floor.
there’s one that looks just like neil. unpainted, plain gray vinyl, but undoubtedly her stepdad. the expression on the five inch figurine is one frozen in fear.
“i think that one’s calling to you,” hilda prompts her, with the softest smile.
max blinks away her bewilderment altho she still can’t speak. she turns to hilda and turns her empty pockets inside out. hilda just waves her hand. she tells her it’s on the house. that it wouldn’t be fair if she gave billy smth on the house, but not max.
speaking of billy, when he finishes his milkshake, he’s suddenly totally sober and healed!! no more high buzzing in his blood. no more pounding headache or concussion fogging his mind. he doesn’t feel his bruises anymore, rolls his sleeve up, and realizes they simply aren’t there anymore. like they dissolved off his skin.
albeit it’s muttered under his breath, but billy does thank hilda. then he and max are on their way. max shows him the suspiciously familiar figurine in the box. this night cannot get weirder.
max knows what to do with the model kit. she does. she isn’t sure how she knows, but she does. she grapples with it for a long time. neil’s the closest thing she has to a dad these days. and things aren’t bad all the time, ofc.
sometimes neil gives max a ride when mom and billy aren’t available. sometimes he brings her ice cream entirely unprompted. neil’s the one who picks max up off the sidewalk when she wipes out super bad on her skateboard, carries her inside and then later to the car when her cut doesn’t stop bleeding and she ends up needing stitches.
but most of the time he sucks. she can’t rly be herself around him. he's indifferent to her interest at best, scornful at worst. he would hate all her friends. he scares the shit out of her when he’s angry. he doesn’t have a problem belittling her mother in front of her, tearing susan to shreds and making her out like she’s lower than dirt, the most worthless person on the planet. doesn’t have a problem beating billy in front of her or glaring at her with the promise that she’ll be next if she dares to voice her dissent.
max doesn’t always want to do what she knows she’s meant to do with the model. bc she's kind at heart and bc on the good days, she genuinely does have mixed feelings toward neil. never enough to hope he'll be better, he's proven he won't...but maybe enough to hope he won't get worse, either.
then comes the night neil breaks ribs. bad, like we’re talking, a-sharp-spear-of-broken-rib-punctures-billy’s-lung-and-he’s-coughing-up-blood-bad. that’s a trip to the emergency room. in the days that follow, at her next dnd meeting w the party, max places the fully and attentively painted model of her stepdad on the table. normally her pals would protest her derailing the intended game, but they can sense it, yk, that smth is different.
max takes over as dungeon master to the protest of no one, all other mouths sealed as if bewitched and spellbound. she narrators a scene where the demogorgon devours neil and uses the demogorgon piece and the model for demonstration.
when max returns home, neil is strewn across the house in gory chunks and torn wallpaper curls around massive claw marks.
#writerwhowritesao3#susan hargrove#max mayfield#billy hargrove#neil hargrove#crossover#hilda spellman#my scenario tag#i may have gotten carried away#my bad#it's october!#i'm in big horror mode
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Careful, Madam Chapter Six
A/N Thank you all for being so patient! I didn’t think I’d ever finish this, but the final chapter has been written. You’ll have to wait a little bit for that, since the wonderful @thegirlisuedtobe is making a beautiful teaser for it, which I obviously want to post first. But rest assured; this fic is finished after chapter seven! The previous chapters can be read here.
All night I lay thinking as to what to do. Systematically, I went through every option I could think of until I arrived at the inevitable conclusion.
The best I could hope for was for Maxim to be convicted of murder. I didn’t see that happen any time soon, though; everyone thought he and Rebecca had had the perfect marriage, so why should he have wanted to kill her? His identification of the wrong woman could easily be explained away as an honest mistake made when he was sick with grief and horror. That could not explain why Rebecca lay dead in her cabin, but then the authorities could hardly expect Maxim to know everything, now could they?
I could accuse Maxim of killing Rebecca and testify against him instead, but I rejected that idea just as I had done earlier that day when it first occurred to me. I did not think I would be believed, and even if I was, I didn’t think people would forgive me for betraying my husband. After all, he had lifted me up out of poverty and obscurity when he made me his wife. Many already believed I was after his money; if I repaid what they thought of as his kindness by seeing to it that he got hanged, they would think me a conniving little schemer who had murdered her husband to inherit his money. It would be all over the newspapers, and so everyone would know. Reporters would harass me, everyone else would snub me. I thought I might be able to bear that, but what life would that be for my child? For there was my little stranger to think of now.
Perhaps it would be best for the baby if I did nothing. There’s a lot to say for being born in wealth and privilege, and few children would be more privileged than the ones born with the de Winter name. Manderley was a glorious place to grow up besides. In my mind’s eye I could see my child and I on the beach dragging driftwood from the surf, laughing as Jasper chased after seagulls. Afterwards we’d have tea under the chestnut tree, and I’d cut the crusts off a sandwich, because that was how they’d like their bread. Maxim would scold our child if he saw, because he had, no time for such puerile nonsense, but it would be all right, I would shield them from his moods, his madness. Yes, I could continue to be the second Mrs de Winter, shy and silent, a quiet little thing at my husband’s side. Rebecca had played at being a devoted wife really rather successfully, hadn’t she? And she had never even loved him. I had. Surely I could pretend I still did? For my child, I could go back to being the girl I had been just a few days ago… But no, I thought as I turned on my side, watching the form of my sleeping husband in his bed, I can never be that woman again. Not after finding out Maxim had murdered Rebecca. He had killed once; what was there to prevent him from killing me, too, if I shamed him?
And I had shamed him already, hadn’t I? He simply didn’t know it yet. What I had done with Mrs Danvers would ruin him and Manderley, should it ever come out. He’d kill me for that ten times over, and Mrs Danvers, too.
Mrs Danvers. Queer, loyal Mrs Danvers. What was she doing now? What I wouldn’t give to be with her, to try and alleviate her suffering! For she must suffer greatly now that she knew her beloved Rebecca’s death was murder, and she must seethe with rage and hatred for Maxim. That was perhaps my biggest fear: that she hungered for revenge and would harm herself to get it.
To keep her, my little stranger, and myself safe, there was only one thing to do: run away with Mrs Danvers. But how to accomplish it? I had no money, and there was no ready cash at Manderley; we had accounts at every store and company so that there was no need to pay with bills and coin. Maxim had given me no jewellery during our marriage, so that couldn’t be sold either. Still, I supposed I could find a way. The most important thing was to find Mrs Danvers before she could do anything harmful, and convince her to come away with me.
If she didn’t want to run away with me, I feared my heart would break.
*
Despite my sickening worries, I must have slept then, for the next time I opened my eyes, daylight had found its way into the room. It pooled onto the floorboards, heavy and hot. The bed beside me was empty. I fumbled for my watch, saw that the inquest was about to start. Maxim had left me behind, as he said he would. Two days ago, this would have broken my heart, but that morning, I found it a mercy.
I went to the bathroom, where I vomited. Perhaps it was the baby making me sick; perhaps just the great stress of the situation I had found myself in. I brushed my teeth, dressed quickly, then went in search of Mrs Danvers. I kept wiping my hands on my dress. What if she had gone to the inquest? I should have stayed awake. But no, I found her where I expected her to be: in Rebecca’s room.
“Oh, Mrs Danvers,” I said. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, clutching Rebecca’s crumpled nightgown. Her eyes had turned to slits, so swollen were they from crying. She smelled of sorrow, that strange salty scent that clings to the hands and face. My heavy heart had lifted at the sight of her; now, it began to ache. “Oh, Mrs Danvers,” I repeated, “how your eyes must hurt!” Like two embers burning in her sockets, I imagined. And so, before doing anything else, I went into the bathroom and turned on the tap. I wetted my handkerchief under the cold water, then took it to her and dabbed at her eyes. She made to fend me off, stiffened, then succumbed.
“I’m sorry, Mrs Danvers. I didn’t mean to leave you after what I said. I suppose you’ve a lot of questions. I wanted to come see you sooner so we might talk about it, truly I did, but I could not find you, and then Mr de Winter wouldn’t let me out of his sight.” A drop of water course down the inside of my wrist, making me shiver.
She stilled my hand. “I always suspected he killed her,” she croaked. “She wouldn’t drown, not even in that squall, not my mistress, not she. For a year, I’ve suspected. I just couldn’t prove it. Tell me, Madam: how did he kill her?”
My throat was tight and dry. I swallowed painfully. “He shot her.”
She bared her teeth, her lips curling back like that of a corpse. “I thought he would. He’s always been a coward. He wouldn’t dare kill her with his bare hands. She would have fend him off, had he tried. Did she suffer?”
“No. She died instantly.”
“Will her bones show that he murdered her?”
I shook my head. “He said the bullet went straight through.”
“So he shall be acquitted then, won’t he? Colonel Julyan, the doctor performing the autopsy, they’re all his friends. They’ll want to believe in his innocence, and even if they didn’t, they’ll want to avoid a scandal. There’ll be no justice for my mistress. Not unless we testify.”
“They wouldn’t believe us. They think me a slutty interloper and you queer and hateful.”
Her shoulders tensed, but only for a moment; then, she slumped. She took the handkerchief from me and pressed it to her eyes so forcefully drops fell down like tears. “Thank you, Madam, for telling me.”
I sat down next to her, dimpling the mattress. The stale scent of azaleas mixed with dust rose up to meet me. “I have thought our situation over. I’ve turned every option round and round in my mind, and there’s only one thing for us to do, Mrs Danvers. We must run far, far away from here.”
She lowered the handkerchief and stared at me with those sore, burning eyes. “Run away?”
I nodded. “We can’t testify, and we can’t remain here. Would you be able to work for him as nothing had happened? I can’t go on being his wife, at any rate, not now that I know he’s a murderer. What’s there to stop him from murdering again? And there’s my little stranger to think about now, too…” I pressed a hand against my belly. How long until it would swell?
“No,” she said in a low voice, “No, I can’t work for him anymore. You are right. But he wouldn’t let you go, Madam, especially now that you’re carrying his heir. And how would we live?”
We, I thought, and through the sickness and despair, my heart fluttered, she said ‘we’. We shall do this together, she and I. I placed my hand on hers. “Working girls like us can always find something, and I’ve saved a little money when I was Mrs van Hopper’s companion. Surely you’ve saved, too?”
She nodded. “Yes. Yes, of course. I’ve always had little use for money. But I meant, do you want us to live together, Madam?”
“Yes, yes of course! I can’t imagine living without you anymore, Mrs Danvers. I think that, foolish as it may seem, I’ve come to love you deeply these past few days. It’s as if I’ve looked inside of you and seen you, really seen you, not the cold, efficient housekeeper, but the warm, feeling woman underneath.” Blood rushed to my cheeks, and I felt shy again, tortured by my anxieties. Perhaps I had been too eager, too forward. “Besides, it would be practical. To the outside world, I can be a widow and you my aunt. No one would question it.”
She sat still for a moment, then clasped my hands and brought them to her mouth, kissing them with dry lips. “No one has ever wanted to live with me like that. I’ve always been needed as a nanny, or a housekeeper. Never as a person. Thank you, Madam,” she murmured.
I rested my head against her shoulder. “When should we leave, do you reckon?” Every fibre of my being wished to never see Maxim again, but if we left too hastily, we might make mistakes that could lead Maxim to us. Better to suffer his presence for a little while longer if that meant I could be rid of him forever.
“Not quiet yet, Madam. In a month, perhaps. It gives you time to lull Mr de Winter into a false sense of security, and by then you won’t be so sick with child anymore. Besides, it will give me the time I need to prepare our journey.”
“Will it be hard for you, to leave Manderley? It has been your home for years.”
She stroked a line on the back of my hand. “It was my home because of my mistress. I’ve a new mistress now. Where she leads, I shall follow, and let her be my home.”
Tears pricked in my eyes. “And you shall be mine. My God, I can hardly wait. It shall be heaven, to be with you, to never have to see Mr de Winter again.”
“Well, well, well,” a voice said.
I got up and whipped around. My bowels turned to water and my knees were so weak I almost had to sit down again.
Maxim stood on the threshold, his face that strange waxen mask I had observed in him often when he was tired or angry. “Maxim,” I said stupidly. “I thought… the inquest…”
“That didn’t take more than an hour. A verdict of accidental death. I rushed straight home to tell you the good news, only I couldn’t find you. You can imagine my surprise when Frith told me he had seen you gone into Rebecca’s rooms. I almost didn’t follow you here, but then I thought, what power does that perverted slut hold over me now that I’ve killed her and gotten away with it? Only I didn’t expect to find that my devoted little wife has turned out to be a perverted little slut as well, scheming with a housekeeper twice her age to elope.”
“I didn’t… we weren’t…”
“You little bitch,” he hissed. He dashed through the room and struck me so quickly I barely saw his fist move. His knuckles connected with my cheekbone. The pain took a few seconds to arrive, hot and sharp.
Oh, I thought stupidly. I made to press a hand to my cheek, but he grabbed my wrists and pulled me to him. “You little bitch!” he roared, spittle flying from his mouth. “How dare you leave me?!”
He shook me so hard my teeth rattled. This, I thought with icy certainty, this is how I shall die: at the hands of my husband. Funny; he hadn’t dared kill Rebecca with his own hands, but then I had never quite measured up to his first wife, now had I?
“Stop!” I pleaded. “Maxim, please stop! You’re scaring me!”
He slapped my face with an open palm, bringing tears to my eyes. He raised his hand to strike again when Mrs Danvers said, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, sir.”
A metallic click sounded.
Maxim turned to look at her, his hand frozen in mid-air.
Mrs Danvers was pointing a gun at him.
Tagging: @solattea, @mlletina, @msmaryadmitrievna, @alice1nwond3rland, @need-not, @halewynslady
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Revelations | Pieck x Reader
pairing: pieck finger x gn!reader
warnings: cursing, some yelling, ends in fluff
wc: 1.8k
a/n: sorry that this is a couple days late! midterms wore me out, and i didn’t feel like looking at a word document for a day or two. hope you enjoy it nonetheless! let me know what you think :)
request: Hi can I request a pieck x male reader (or gender neutral if your more comfortable with that) maybe the reader is a scout that was captured after the attack and she is in charge of watching them maybe they slowly warm up to each other after reader reveals the horrors they’ve gone through with the Titans during an argument with pieck and eventually they start a relationship?
attack on titan masterlist | general masterlist
Yes, you had met some annoying scouts during your training, but you had never met anyone as annoying as the Marleyan soldier that was sent to guard your cells. He spent most of his time either throwing schoolyard insults your way or trying to flirt with every captive. It was ridiculous, and you were getting more than tired of listening to his squeaky, borderline pre-pubescent voice flood the stone-lined hallway. His break times had turned into a safe haven of sorts for you and your comrades, but as the thirty minutes creeped by, you became more and more antsy.
Today, however, seemed to be different as a woman walked in a little while after the regular guard left. She had walked by all of the cells, taking subtle glances inside each one, before having a seat near your end of the row. In fact, she was a mere five feet away from the bars of your current habitat, and you took the chance to study her.
The first thing you noticed was the red band clasped securely around her left arm, denoting her Warrior status. It shone like a beacon or a warning, you couldn’t decide which. Still, why would a Warrior be sent to watch over some captured scouts? And where had the other man gone? Not that you minded his absence. The curiosity started to eat away at you, and you figured there was no harm in asking.
“Hey,” you started. You were taken aback when you realized that she was already looking at you, like she knew exactly what you were going to say.
“He was moved to another post,” she answered your unspoken question. “I’m here in the interim.”
“Ah,” you responded.
Her voice was a bit too soft for your liking; it was unbecoming of a killer, you thought with spite. You didn’t like her being here. A regular, annoying Marleyan soldier was one thing, but a Warrior? It was like a stab straight to every scout’s heart. Your chest started to feel a bit hotter as your anger towards her grew. You hadn’t been there when she delivered the boulders to the Beast Titan to decimate your comrades, but you had heard the tale, a horror story only told late at night. As if she had the right to exist in the same building, on the same continent even as the predecessors of those she had killed.
You scoffed out loud, and the Warrior turned to face you, furrowing her eyebrows as if she were actually concerned. You glared in response. It was stupid, you thought, that she was allowed to have a face like that, the face of an angel, and still act like a devil.
The day passed, her sitting idly by while you did your best to play a card game in your head. You tried to picture all of the cards and their suits and numbers, placing them on the imaginary table you had set up on the floor of your cell. It wasn’t going well, you kept losing, as you kept getting distracted by the feeling of the Warrior’s gaze burning into the back of your skull. It was almost as annoying as the squeaks of the original guard, and you felt a sense of pure relief as soon as she left for the night and another guard took her place.
To your discontent, she returned the next day, too, and the next. By the third day, your blood was boiling. Even though you were always turned away from her, you could feel her eyes on you most of the time. It was pissing you off, and you couldn’t hold back anymore.
“What the hell?!” You questioned as you whipped around, not surprised to find her dark eyes piercing into yours. Hers were wide in confusion, and that made you even more mad. “What’s so interesting about the back of my head, huh? You busy picturing what it would look like with a bullet in it or something?” It was a harsh statement, you knew, but you also believed she deserved it.
She shook her head quickly and with so much force that her crutch started to slide from where it was balanced against her chair. She swiftly reached out to catch it, holding onto it with both hands instead of propping it back up.
“N-no. I just…” She paused, gathering her thoughts. “I just was trying to figure out what you were doing.”
You scowled. “What I was doing?” You repeated incredulously. “I’m wasting away in a jail cell, that’s what I’m doing!” You stood up in a flash, pressing your body against the bars and grabbing onto them until your knuckles were white. “I’m stuck here because of you, you know!”
She shook her head again, denying your statement. “No, you’re here because you killed my people.”
“Well, you killed mine!” You shouted back. Your voice lowered as you spoke again, grief flowing through you. “Thousands, millions even. You slaughtered them all without a thought for their families, and children, and friends. You destroyed our home without regrets, without us doing a damn thing to you, so stop complaining that we destroyed yours.”
The woman was quiet now, her head bowed and hair covering her face. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, and that pissed you off more. You started to go off again, but she stopped you with her next words. “Tell me. Tell me what we did to you. I want to know everything.”
When she looked up, there was an honesty and sadness in her eyes that you never would’ve expected to see. It shook you, and for a second, you saw a normal human being rather than a Warrior. Somehow that look calmed you, and you became willing to tell the stories of you and so many others, both dead and alive.
You learned her name was Pieck, and the two of you talked for hours. You described the horrors of life under the threat of Titans, you told of the atrocities that occurred on the battlefield, you explained to her the loss and grief and overwhelming depression that came with the life every scout and citizen of Paradis was being forced to live.
And to your stupefaction, she listened to every word quietly, nodding her head to signal that she was taking in the information. She didn’t try to sympathize or compare experiences, she just sat and let you talk, letting herself realize her own sins. Once you were silent, you could tell she understood, at least as much as an outsider could. She didn’t need to apologize for you could see in her face that she had plenty of regrets, and Pieck was well aware that an apology would mean practically nothing. It was atonement that she sought now, and Pieck figured a good place to start would be with you.
From that day on, you grew closer with the woman. You never shared mindless conversations, but instead always talked of the past and of your experiences. You heard stories of her Warrior training and realized the brainwashing that the Eldians living on Marley had been put under from birth. A part of you was proud to see that Pieck had overcome it in a sense, happy to realize that peace was truly possible if constructive conversations could be had. It was promising, and slowly but surely, talking to Pieck became the highlight of your day, something you looked forward to as she made you forget about your lonely little cell.
Weeks had passed, and then one night changed everything.
You were struggling to sleep, the thin sheet you were given was not enough to protect you from the cold and the hard bed was giving you a pounding headache. The only comfort you had was the knowledge that you could see Pieck again in a few hours once the sun came up. The hallway was silent other than the occasional moments when the night watchman got up to use the restroom. He sat on the other end of the hall from you, and you were thankful that he couldn’t see into your cell from where he was stationed.
The next time he got up, he didn’t come back for quite a while, and you started to wonder if something had happened to him. Were the scouts finally coming to rescue you? Your heart began to pound harder as you heard the door to the hall creak open and keys jingle. You cracked your eyes open to see who was here only to be met with the sight of Pieck standing outside your enclosure, fiddling with the keys before sliding one into your door’s lock.
You sat up quickly, tossing the sheet off of you and standing to meet her against the bars. Keeping your voice as low as possible, you whispered, “Pieck! What’re you doing?”
She whispered back, pushing your door open and holding out a pile of clothes to you. “Put these on. I want to take you somewhere.”
You obliged quickly, not questioning the possibility that you could escape somehow. Was she helping you to leave? But how would you get back to Paradis? Options were running through your head at lightspeed as you slipped on the long sleeve shirt and jacket. She guided you down the hallway after you were dressed, careful not to wake anyone or stir suspicion. You barely recognized the building as you walked through it as it had been months since you had last seen anything other than stone walls and metal bars. When Pieck pushed the backdoor open and let you wander back into nature, the breath was stolen from your lungs.
It was cold outside, but in a different way than your cell. The air was refreshing rather than stale and the wind was pleasant, not a musty draft. You could smell the light scent of flowers in the air, and you wondered exactly where it was coming from, suddenly craving the feeling of petals on your fingertips. Pieck seemed to understand your thoughts as she led you to a small garden on the other side of the pathway. Upon seeing the dainty plants, you rushed over to them, brushing your fingers over the colors and savoring the different textures.
As you straightened back up, Pieck took your hand gently. You felt a bit embarrassed with how dry yours were, hers as silky smooth as the petals you had just caressed, and you apologized quickly and quietly. Laughing softly, Pieck just tightened her grasp, assuring you there was nothing to worry about by how she pulled you closer. Her being this close was intoxicating, and you felt yourself melt into her, peace washing over you in waves. For some reason, all of this felt new to you, like you were starting over in the world with Pieck, and you were perfectly content to stand here beside her.
It wasn’t until later, when you were back and locked securely into your cell, that you realized you didn’t mind staying a bit longer on Marley as long as Pieck was here, too.
#attack on titan#attack on titan x reader#attack on titan fanfiction#pieck finger#pieck x reader#pieck finger x reader#snk#aot#mere writes
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Small Time Witch (26)
“I was a broken man after the attack on New York. I...I...I was tortured by Thanos. After my capture I was weak and physically broken. It took months for the healers to tend to me. A full year before I was thrown in the dungeon.”
“You looked ok on the news.”
Loki chuckled, “Appearances are everything, my darling. Had my mother not been there I would have died. Should have.”
“Lok, don’t say that. Had you died you would have never met me. I’m clearly the highlight of your life.”
“Of course you are. I’m sure, had you been there, you would have pestered me into surviving. You are relentless. And I love you for it.”
*******************************************
You woke up much too warm and your back was drenched. You peeled yourself off of Loki trying to wake him. His head fell back onto the pillow. He was unresponsive. You panicked and shook him. Nothing. You pressed your ear to his heart and heard it beating fast.
After your initial freak out you remembered you were a witch and could freeze him. Idiot. You ran your cold hands over his head neck and under his arms trying to lower his body temperature. His body cooled and sweat dried. When his eyes cracked open you conjured a glass of water and sat him up to drink. It was hours before you heard anyone move about. Josefine knocked on your door to let you know it was time to pay up.
“He needs a healer.” you said without any other sort of greeting. She glanced over your shoulder and nodded.
“I’ll send for someone.”
Njord, an imposing sort of fellow was the, king’s personal healer. He burst into the room. Your hands were still splayed over Loki’s chest attempting to keep his core temperature down.
Josefine rested her hand on your shoulder, “Let him work, witch.” There was no discernible tone behind her voice. She said witch as easily as she could have said your name.
“How long has he been this way?” Njord’s voice boomed.
“I’m not sure. He was burning with fever when I woke up this morning. So sometime overnight.”
He grumbled his way through the exam. You were nearly crawling out of your skin you were so worried. With a final “hmph” Njord seemed to have reached a satisfactory diagnosis.
“His life force feels like it’s been skinned alive. It will take some time to recover and this is no place to do it. I’ll send transportation. The prince will be moved to the palace. I will see to his care personally. Witch, I will not alert Odin or Prince Thor as to his whereabouts. I do, however, believe a mother should not have to worry herself sick about her son. I will send for her.”
When you arrived at the palace Frigga was already waiting. You were still cooling him as the healers brought him in. Njord bowed to the Queen and then gave you a curt nod. They lay him down on the bed and started packing cold rags around his body.
“Thank you, dear. We can take it from here.” She dismissed you like a common nurse maid. Had she even looked at you she would clearly see you were still in your t-shirt and tac pants. When you didn’t move she lifted her head and her eyes grew wide.
“Your majesty. This is Y/N of Midgard. She has been caring for the prince. She is his prisoner” Njord explained.
When Frigga looked at you her face was a mask of horror. She looked you up and down scrutinizing you at a loss for words.
“Not exactly his prisoner so much as I helped him escape.” You knotted your fingers together and kept your eyes on the floor.
Loki groaned in pain and you were both at his side in a heartbeat. You pushed his hair off his forehead. His fever was spiking. You tried to cool him down but he fought against your magic. “Shhh, Lok. I’ve got you” you whispered in his ear. He settled down and leaned into your touch. “Better?” He nodded against your hand. His eyes fluttered open. He smiled at you drunk on whatever medication that gave him.
“You really do love me.” His words slurred and blurred together. You giggled and kissed his temple. He wasn’t sure if it was the drugs or not but he loved the sound of your giggling. It was the first time he heard it and it was like little tinkling bells in his ear. “It’s nice to be loved.”
“It is. Get some rest.”
“You won’t leave me?”
“Not for a single second.”
He beamed at you while he drifted in and out of sleep. “I’ll bet you’re a good wife to me. You certainly are my type.”
“Lok, that’s not exactly high praise considering your type is pulse optional.”
He laughed and that turned into a groaning cough. “Norns you know me well.”
Your cheeks were burning. Frigga cleared her throat, “I’m sorry what?”
“Oh. Hello mother. This is Y/N. She is to be my wife.”
“Son, that is the fever taking. Try to get some rest.”
“No. He’s telling the truth. I’m his wife. Or was. Or will be. More accurately his widow at the moment. Time travel!” You threw up your free hand and shrugged.
She nervously laughed and took your hands, “Well then, dear, welcome to the family.”
You plopped down in a chair beside the bed and started to doze off. You heard Frigga talking to Loki and Njord but you didn’t comprehend what they were saying.
Loki ran a weak finger up and down your cheek. “Y/N, you look and smell awful. Someone will show you to a bath and a proper bed. Maybe get you something to eat.”
“Mhmm” was all you could say. You followed behind a very tall very blonde young woman who spoke gently to you. The hot water felt amazing. You allowed every muscle to relax. At one point the blonde came back in to set down some Vanaheim appropriate attire and lunch. You could get used to this.
You wished you had any one of your friends here to help you plan. Though, at this point, you are more plotting and scheming. You had to have something to offer Vanaheim to let Loki remain in their care. You also had to convince Thor and Odin that Loki shouldn’t be thrown in a dungeon. If there was ever a time to be charming, it was now.
You dressed and finished lunch then went back to Loki’s room. Frigga was waiting for you in the sitting room just outside the bedroom door.
“Do I bow? I’m not sure what the protocol is. We don’t exactly have a royal family where I live.”
“You’re family. We hug.” When she went to embrace you she placed her hand on your forehead. She had the same gift as Loki. You thought for a moment that she might be offended watching the things you’ve done with her son. Maybe she will skip those parts.
“I don’t peek at intimate moments” she said as if she read your mind. She saw everything else. Your happiness. Your squabbles. Your deep and abiding love for each other. Most important was your grief. She saw the night he died how you screamed and how you collapsed into Steve’s arms when his soul was unbound. She removed her trembling hand and pulled you in for a real hug. She wept quietly on your shoulder. You cried too having relived all of those memories in rapid fire.
“He’s right. You are a good wife to him. That is truly all a mother could ever want for her children. Their happiness. And you gave that to him in abundance. And to have a daughter with such power! The Norns have truly blessed us.”
“I have to meet with a seer. I need to know what my next move should be.”
“I will see to it personally. Why don’t you go rest for a while?”
Before heading back to your room you checked in on Loki once more. He was sleeping peacefully. You kissed his forehead and he sighed in appreciation.
After a much needed rest, as promised, Frigga brought in a seer. Not just any prophet but the special prophet to the king himself.
You dispensed with the pleasantries and she got down to business. She held your hands and closed her eyes. Many possibilities flew into view. You imagined she was a lot like the Time Keepers.
“You’re a conduit.” she said with a surprised smile. You nodded. “I’m not sure you know how powerful you are, my dear.”
“Loki said the same thing the first day he met me.”
“Well he was right. You have an opportunity here. An out with Odin and an in with the king. If you pledge that you will learn with the Vanir, I believe the small council will agree to care for you and the prince until he is well. As for Odin, well, when he knows what you can do he will have no choice.”
“I am no more powerful that Loki or Frigga.”
“Oh but you are. Y/N, you are strong enough to harness the powers of the infinity stones. Possess two and you are unstoppable. But all six....you can rule the Nine.”
“How would I even do that without creating branches in the timeline? The Ancient One warned us.”
“You and Loki have already created a pretty big one haven’t you? You can fix everything. Defeat Thanos before he invades Earth and you can right every wrong.”
You let her words seduce you. You would be a hero and your friends would never have to know Thanos’ name. The grief and guilt will never plague Thor. Bucky will never be lost and Steve would carry on with his life. But what would you be sacrificing if you went through with this plan? This is not a ripple in the timeline it’s a tidal wave.
“What’s the catch?”
She smiled, “Smart girl. You’ll save everyone but whatever lives changed because of the snap won’t happen because the snap won’t happen. Can you live with that?”
The resounding answer was yes. It was a sacrifice for you to be sure. Your friends will never know you. They won’t know what they were missing. “I’ll do it.”
She smiled and shook your hand then left to inform the small council. You debated on whether or not you should tell Loki. Perhaps it would be better if you didn’t. The tasseract was his prize. The power that drove him mad and made him do his worst. Odin had hidden it away but the cube and Loki seemed to be drawn to one another. Becoming one with the cube would draw him to you more. Hard to be sure now if he would actually fall in love with you or with whatever you would become. You had to tell him.
The small council and the king called you in and decided that Loki could stay. You made them promise that, even if Loki refused you, they would let him stay anyway. They agreed under the condition that you would work for them no matter what. You had very little choice. You just wanted him safe even if it meant that he wasn’t with you. You would leave for Asgard first thing to meet with Odin.
You asked to have dinner alone with Loki so you could discuss your plans. He sat in his bed with a tray over his lap. You were in the chair off to the side with your feet resting on the bed.
The mood in the room was comfortable. Civil. He would only occasionally ask you a question which you only answered with one word sentences and nods. “How’s the wine?”
“Good”
“Are your accommodations acceptable?”
“Yep”
You’d try to talk but stop yourself. You feel like you are about to burst. You push your food around taking small bites. Your stomach clenched uncomfortably. Another swallow of wine to give you courage. One more gulp to shut your mouth. Drain the glass to distract yourself. You were so far into your head that you didn’t notice him asking another question.
“Mortal, did you hear me?” He knocked your foot off the bed. Thankfully your glass was empty because it tumbled out of your hand and rolled on to the bed. “What’s wrong with you tonight?”
“What do you mean?”
“You aren’t your chatty self. Have I scared you off already?”
You didn’t dignify that with an answer. You felt the words bubbling in your throat like vomit. You closed your eyes and let them flow out of you as fast as possible.
“I’m leaving for a few days to visit Asgard. I’m going to negotiate your release to the king of Vanaheim in exchange for my services.”
He quirked and eyebrow, “Which are?”
“I’m a conduit. A powerful one. I can absorb the stones and stop Thanos before he destroys Asgard, Xandar, Earth and every other planet he obliterated searching for him. I can beat him, Loki.”
“I didn’t think it possible but you are more insane than I am. You can’t beat Thanos. He’s a titan.”
You scoffed and waived him off, “Titan is just a fancy name for older god. Even if I take in two infinity stones I’m unstoppable.”
“Why are you doing this?” His voice was quiet. He tried to convey indifference but came off sullen and hurt instead.
“I don’t ever want my friends and family to be hurt by this lunatic. And I know...I know I will be changing everything but I’ve already changed everything by rescuing you.”
He was up from the bed pacing just like you now. “There will always be something! If it isn’t Thanos it’s some other thing threatening the universe. It’s how the universe keeps going. Do you intend on killing everything that decides to rise up?!”
“No. He crushed entire civilizations. He is a plague. He....” Your voice faltered and tears spilled hot over your cheeks. “He tortured you and choked the life out of you. He took everything from us. He needs to be eliminated.”
All you wanted was for Loki to wrap his arms around you. He was across the room staring wildly trying to hold back tears. You were consumed by your need for revenge and that was a sure fire way to lose. You needed higher purpose something other than him. If your motives weren’t true Thanos was sure to crush your skull and turn you to dust.
What you were proposing was dangerous and stupid and reckless. You so blindly took the advice of one seer. Who knows what her motives were? Who knows what you would become if you were successful?
Yes, Loki could fall in love with you. You were the woman he dreamt of his whole life. Powerful. Wickedly smart. You could keep up with his whims and threw back just as hard. You were boundlessly and relentlessly curious. You loved to learn. These were all things he cherished in you in the short time he’s known you. And, most important was that you loved him. It was deep and he couldn’t imagine how he even got you to love him. This very love that was so blinding to you would be the exact thing that would kill you. He had to divert you. To refocus your efforts.
“Lok, I’ve put so much at your feet these last few days. I’m going to give you your space to feel for yourself. We’ll talk when I get back ok?” You made your way to the door.
“And if I refuse your advances? What then?!”
You stopped in your tracks. You couldn’t imagine him refusing to even get to know you better. But, if that’s how he felt you wouldn’t push him.
“Then I have my answers and a one way ticket back home.” You flashed him a sweet smile that made his heart ache.
“What will you do?”
You laughed to yourself, “I guess I’ll mourn you properly and let you go. Maybe move on with my life. All the while I’ll wait for the sweet release of death. Not a bad way to exist I suppose. I love you. You know I do. You can feel it. Even if I have to wait...”
He scoffed, “Pathetic! You don’t love me. You love the idea of me. The neutered version of me. The man I became. I’m not that man. I will never be him. You’ve made that certain. You don’t love me. You love a ghost. I don’t love you. I don’t know you. I feel your love for your husband. Not me as I stand before you. Make your sacrifices. Hang yourself on that cross but don’t you dare invoke my name!”
He was shouting now loud enough for everyone in the hall to hear. You held your ground but flinched as he got closer to you. His fists balled up and he pounded the wall next to your head. He was trying to scare you. You were undeterred.
“See you in a few days.”
You unceremoniously left the room without a second glance at him. You slept soundly that night and, as promised, Frigga met you to deliver you to the bifrost. You lifted the cloaking spell so that Heimdall could find you. She hugged you and wished you luck on your journey. In a flash of light you were gone.
When Loki woke up that morning he only felt his own feelings. He felt hollow and drained. He didn’t realize how much you were propping him up in order to heal. You must have been exhausted with how hard you worked to sustain him.
You fought with all of your body and soul to make him open his heart to you. If only you could see your efforts were futile. He was not worthy of redeeming. You had to move on from him. He couldn’t love you. He was too broken.
The thought of never seeing you again made his stomach clench uncomfortably and he wretched into a chamber pot. He crawled back into bed willing himself to disappear. No, today, Loki didn’t love you. He ruined everything he touched. He would ruin you too.
#loki laufeyson#loki x reader#marvel#marvel witches#loki angst#loki of jotunheim#Loki#loki tv#loki fanfic#loki of asgard
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Our Branch of the Family Tree - 4
Fandom: 9-1-1.
Word Count: 1175.
Genre: angst.
Rating: teen+.
Warning(s): mentions of injuries, blood.
Summary: Maddie’s life hangs in the balance on the way to the hospital after she escapes Doug and Buck is left wondering whether he’d be strong enough to survive without her.
Note: for @thebuckleysiblingsweek 2021. AO3 link here. Unbeta’d.
“Oh my God, Maddie, no, yeah. Chimney’s alive; he made it. You both did.”
Buck held Maddie’s hand like a lifeline as the ambulance sped toward the nearest trauma center, away from Doug, from the horrors and ghastly memories the woods at Big Bear held. He tried his best to keep her spirits up as the paramedic in the unit with them worked to get her stabilized. He could tell she was on the fence between the waking world and the blissful darkness of unconsciousness, undoubtedly being tempted by the respite passing out would bring. He hoped the good news would give her something else to cling onto.
“Is he going to be okay?”
Buck nodded, reaching up to cup Maddie’s cheek, brushing away a tear with his thumb.
“He’s going to be fine,” Buck promised. “And so will you. You just have to hang on a little longer. We’ll be at the hospital in no time.”
Maddie made a wordless noise, blinking slowly and letting herself relax into the stretcher a little. Between the blood loss and the morphine, sleep was looking pretty good.
“‘M tired,” she slurred, her breathing shallowing as the pain medication sank its claws into her.
“You’ll have plenty of time to sleep once the doctors clear you, but until then you’ve got to stay awake for me.”
Even as she nodded Buck could see that she was losing the fight. He squeezed her hand hard, but she only managed a twitch of her fingers in response. He called her name, his tone a little frantic, but she didn’t respond beyond a soft hum as her eyes fluttered closed.
“No, not yet, Mads,” Buck urged, slipping his hand from her cheek to her shoulder and giving it a shake. “Don’t you dare.”
Buck’s heart nearly stopped when she didn’t respond. He glanced up at the monitor she was hooked up to, his eyes frantically scanning the quick and somewhat erratic heart rhythm on the screen and finding only a modicum of relief to see that it was stable. He reached up to press his fingers to her neck, dropping his head and taking solace in the pulse he could feel there. She was alive, and he prayed that she would keep fighting.
The monitor started beeping in alarm a moment later and he quickly spotted the problem. Maddie’s oxygen saturation was dropping and he cursed as the paramedic reached into a nearby compartment and swapped Maddie’s nasal cannula out with a non-rebreather mask. The numbers improved a little bit and the monitor fell silent, but the rushing of blood in Buck’s ears as his heart pounded more than made up for the quietude.
“Look at me, Maddie,” he pleaded, leaning in so he would be the first thing she saw if she opened her eyes. “Wake up, please don’t leave me alone.”
His voice cracked on the last word and he dropped his head, his entire world narrowing to that moment, to him and Maddie and a desperate prayer. He couldn’t bear to think about what his life would be like if anything happened to her, if she let go, but at the same time it was all he could fathom. His heart sank as he rubbed a thumb across her bruised and bloodied knuckles, tears welling in his eyes.
Buck scarcely noticed the paramedic working around him until his voice broke through Buck’s grief enough to get his attention.
“I’m going to need you to hold pressure on that wound,” the medic instructed firmly, gesturing to the stab wound on Maddie’s abdomen. “The dressing’s just not cutting it.”
Buck didn’t even pause as the medic held a pair of gloves out to him; he was already covered in so much blood that any more would hardly make a difference. He reached out instead, firmly flattening the palm of his free hand over her wound, staunching the blood flow. Satisfied, the medic went back to work running another set of vitals, leaving Buck alone with his thoughts once more.
“You’re going to be okay,” Buck echoed the mantra from earlier.
He glanced out the back window of the ambulance, watching the scenery fly by. The mountains were fading into foothills, but he knew they were still a ways off from the hospital. Too close to warrant stopping to wait for a helicopter, but far enough that he was concerned for Maddie’s condition. Sighing, he tore his gaze away from the trees whipping by outside, focusing instead on the rise and fall of waveforms on the monitor. Two heartbeats to every one second; fast, too fast, twisting each minute into an agonizing eternity.
Buck felt his phone buzz in his pocket but he ignored it. He knew it was cruel to leave the team hanging, but he wasn’t sure he could hold back a sob long enough to pass along any news. They’d have to wait, just like he was. Athena would tell them that Maddie had been stable when they’d left the scene, but a lot could change in a half hour.
�� “Have a trauma surgeon on standby.”
Buck glanced briefly over at the medic in the captain’s chair, the grim reality that Maddie’s condition was dire settling into his very bones. She was still with him, she needed him, but he needed her too. He couldn’t stop seeing flashes of a future without her in it, no matter how many times he shook his head, and it scared him to death.
“You’re strong, Maddie - strong enough to beat this. Just hang on a few more minutes.”
He lifted her hand, brushing a gentle kiss over her knuckles. His other hand never wavered, his strength never flagged as he kept pressure on her wound, and he allowed himself to feel the smallest flicker of hope as the monitor cycled again, flashing her latest blood pressure. It had come up just a little from the last time.
“I’m sorry,” Buck said softly as his gaze flicked to her face again. “I promised you he wouldn’t find you. I promised you’d be safe here, that I’d protect you. I’m so, so sorry.”
His guilt was so cloying that Buck’s own chest felt tight, like a vice was closing around his ribcage, threatening to choke the life out of him. A single sob escaped before he could put a lid on his emotions and he was so consumed with anguish that he almost missed the weak, subtle twitch of Maddie’s fingers against his. His head snapped up at that, his eyes searching her face as he loosened his grip just enough that she could move her hand again if she wanted to.
“Maddie?”
Silence, stillness, nothing. Buck glanced down at their joined hands, willing something, anything to happen. When nothing did, his heartache set right back in, leaving him wondering whether he’d just imagined everything. He sighed as the scenery outside changed to something distinctly more urban, signaling their proximity to the hospital.
“Just a little bit longer, okay? We’re almost there.”
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Window
New Story! FFN and AO3
What if the Marauders were able to watch Harry's adventures? And what if Marlene and Sirius were the reason they could?
There was a writer who pulled all of their stories within the last year maybe two. I've searched everywhere to no avail. I don't remember the writer's screen name, but I remember their stories. What follows is my version of one of their stories that I miss terribly. If you know this writer and where their stories may be now, I'd love to know where to find them.
Window
Marlene hit the ground hard. She knew it was coming, she knew there was nothing she could do for it, but the result still jarred her. She pushed up from the white floor and looked around.
"Catherine! Mum! Dad!" Tears welled in her eyes as she looked desperately around for her family.
"Marlene!
Marlene spun around just in time to catch Catherine as she flung herself at her.
"Where are Mum and Dad?"
"I don't know!" Catherine cried as she clung to Marlene. "I don't know!"
"Shh, Cathy," Marlene stroked her sister's hair. What she wouldn't give for a place to sit!
And then there was a white bench just to her left. Marlene stared at it a moment before guiding Catherine to sit with her.
"What in Merlin's name is this place?"
"Marlene, are, are we dead?" Catherine looked around them, her face just as fearful as it had been when the Death Eaters barged in.
"I'm pretty sure we are." Marlene strained to see any signs of her parents. "I wish I knew where Mum and Dad were."
"Marlene! Catherine!"
"Dad!" Catherine called out, trying to move toward the sound, but Marlene held her close.
"We're coming girls!" Their mum called back. "Stay there! We're coming!"
Marlene squinted and finally caught sight of her parents coming towards them.
"Mum!" Catherine bolted from the bench and ran into their mum's outstretched arms, Marlene hot on her sister's heels.
"Merlin, I'm so glad we found you two!" Her dad's voice was thick with emotion and Marlene let the tears fall in relief that she wasn't alone here.
"What do we do, Daddy?" Catherine clung to him like she was four-years-old instead of going on fourteen.
"Well," he hedged, but before he could say more the sound of steam erupted from the other side of the bench Marlene had wanted and they turned to see a train with one passenger coach behind it.
Cautiously, they approached the train, and Marlene began groping for her wand but came up empty-handed, as did her parents.
"I think we're supposed to get on." Her mum walked towards the open door. "I feel like this is the next step."
Feeling suddenly bemused, Marlene reached out to touch the train when she thought she heard her name. It was distant, almost too far away to hear, but as she strained to hear it a window seemed to open and she knew instantly what she was hearing.
"Sirius!"
The window cleared and through the floor, she watched horrified as Sirius pulled her lifeless body from the flaming safe house that she'd been killed in.
"Sirius!"
All she could hear was him screaming her name over and over. She collapsed to her knees looking out at the horror unfolding before her.
"Sirius!"
Sirius' screams grew louder in her ears and Marlene pounded in the window trying desperately to break through to him until her dad grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back.
Marlene clung to her dad, unable to breathe or whatever blasted thing she was doing now as her sobs shook her body. She didn't want Sirius to be the one left behind! He needed her! He had everyone against him! It was supposed to be her! She had been so certain it would be her that would be left to go on without him!
"Let's get on the train, Marly," her dad tried to soothe her. "There's nothing we can do now."
"No!" Marlene pulled back and looked back at the window as James took Sirius back to Godric's Hollow with him. "I have to know he's alright." She wiped her eyes on her sleeve and nodded to the train. "Go on ahead, I'll catch the next one."
"Marlene," her dad objected, but her mum cut him off.
"Let her make sure, Angus. You'd do the same for me."
"Else, what if another train doesn't come for her? I won't leave her here to lose her."
"Another train will come when I tell it to." Marlene turned away from the gut-wrenching sight of Sirius sobbing into Lily and James. "I wanted a bench and that bench appeared. Catherine asked what was next and the train appeared. I'll be able to get a train any time I want, and I'll be able to tell it to take me exactly where this one takes you."
Her dad looked critically at the train before its black coach turned red.
"Just testing," he gave Elspeth a sheepish smile when she laughed.
"Promise you'll be quick," Catherine hugged her as tight as she probably could. "As soon as Sirius is alright, come on ahead."
"I promise," Marlene hugged her back, and let the tears fall when her parents joined in on the embrace. "I promise I'll be with you just as soon as they've got everything settled and I know he's alright "
"He's a strong lad," her dad cupped her cheek. "You'll see, he'll make it through this."
Marlene nodded and waved as her family boarded the train. "I'll be right behind you!"
They waved out the window and Marlene watched until the train blurred and disappeared into a bright white light ahead of them.
Then she turned back to her window to the living world, but as Sirius' screams faded, the window went silent. It was eerie and heart-wrenching to sit in the dead quiet and watch Sirius slowly go mad with his grief; she almost wished she hadn't made the window in the first place. That she'd never heard him scream her name.
Sirius was broken, broken in a way she had never seen before. At this point, he was at the Potter's, but even baby Harry couldn't bring him out of the fog he seemed to be in. Marlene wished someone could be there with her, to fill the silence. But at the same time she didn't, because someone joining her would mean they'd fallen too.
She took to watching Sirius slowly become self-destructive in his grief, throwing himself into every battle in a fury, like he wanted to die or to kill or anything that might alieve the pain. She was so focused on watching Sirius, Marlene nearly screamed when someone said her name behind her.
"Marlene?"
She spun around and gawked at Dorcas Meadowes.
"No."
Doe shrugged. "They got my family right after you and yours. I had to try."
Marlene jumped to her feet and pulled her friend into a hug.
"Doe, I'm so sorry!"
"Me too, I just wish I'd told someone I was going after Voldemort alone. No one will know what happened or where my body is or anything."
"They love you, Dorcas, they'll find you!" Marlene held her tighter. And for a moment, that's all they did, hold each other and cry at how life had thrown them out long before they'd been ready to leave.
"So, what do we do?" Doe looked around and wiped at her eyes.
"If you want to go on to your family, we just summon a train and you tell it you want to go on ahead to where they went." Marlene glanced back down at the window. "Or you can sit with me and watch to see if Sirius makes it through this."
"Did your family already go on ahead?" Dorcas looked at the window as Remus lifted Sirius from the ground behind their flat.
"Yeah, but I needed to make sure he's alright before I move on. I can't leave him completely alone."
Doe took her hand and squeezed it. "Then I'll keep you company. Sirius is tough, he'll find a way to push forward."
Marlene hoped she was right as they sat down on her bench next to the window and watched.
"There's no sound?" Doe moved her head closer to the window.
Marlene shook her head. "I haven't heard anything since Sirius pulled my body from the safe house."
"Well," Dorcas grinned at her, "Maybe we can pass the time by guessing what all our friends are saying."
Marlene laughed, grateful that she had Dorcas with her now. It was better to be with someone than to be alone.
"Can you control it, the window and what it sees?" Dorcas asked after they'd watched a few days pass.
"I don't know," Marlene frowned. "It appeared because I could almost hear Sirius right before we were going to board the train and as I was trying to hear him, I willed it here I suppose."
"Why not try and move it around? See what Remus is doing." Doe didn't meet Marlene's eye as she gave her suggestion.
Reluctantly, Marlene willed the window to show them Remus, and the image flitted a moment before showing them Remus in a pack of werewolves.
"That's what Dumbledore has him doing?!" Dorcas screamed and jumped up from her seat. "That's his undercover mission?!"
Marlene stared horrified as Remus ran with the pack. Suddenly it made sense, all the full moons that Remus had been Merlin knew where, the weeks on end that he'd been gone, and most of all, his refusal to talk about what he was doing.
Marlene felt sick. Sirius and she had suspected Remus of disloyalty. And all along, it was Dumbledore pushing him to do something he hated. She had trusted Dumbledore! How could he do something like this!
"Move it, please!" Doe choked out, falling back onto the bench. Marlene instantly willed the window to her godson.
Seeing baby Harry usually helped calm her down when she'd been alive. And she was grateful to Doe for helping her find that she could come back to this a respite when she couldn't take watching Sirius deprive himself of sleep, food, and personal safety.
"I never told him," Dorcas muttered through her tears.
"That you knew he was a werewolf?" Marlene wrapped her arms around Doe's shaking shoulders.
"That too, I knew he wouldn't appreciate knowing I had figured that out, but Marly…" Doe looked down at the window as Harry slept soundly in his crib. "I loved him. I loved him and I never told him."
"Oh, Doe," Marlene held on to her friend, wondering after seeing the hell Sirius was going through if maybe Dorcas had done the right thing. At least Remus would be spared the agony Sirius was experiencing.
"I wish I'd told him, like you and Sirius, or James and Lily," Doe sniffed. "Then I'd have something to hold onto. Now it's just regret."
And as selfish and as hard as it was, Marlene was grateful she did have something other than regret to hold onto. She had memories that were dearer to her than anything else in this new life she was experiencing. In a small way, she still had Sirius.
It took a few more days to figure out they didn't need to watch entire days pass. They could skip ahead. Apparently, time worked differently when you were dead.
But as they skipped through, it became obvious that something was off inside the Order. They were constantly being ambushed, and safe houses were being found, and the members were meeting in smaller groups. When Marlene had died, they were worried that the Death Eaters were making some good guesses, but now it was obvious there was something bigger going on.
"I think they have a mole," Dorcas said.
"Should we try and figure out who it is?" Marlene fretted as Sirius cornered Kingsley after an Order meeting.
"That might drive us mad Marly. We can't warn them or alert them or anything. We can only watch."
"You're probably right," Marlene sighed, but she wasn't convinced. After all, Sirius had called out and she'd heard him, maybe it could work the other way?
So she watched and paid attention. She made excuses to check in on the Order members, see how they were all doing. She didn't think Dorcas really believed her innocent excuses, but that didn't really matter to Marlene. What mattered was trying to do something to save everyone else. She couldn't move on until she knew they were alright, until she knew Sirius was alright.
Time didn't mean much now, but Marlene was pretty sure it was Halloween as she stopped the window, checking in on Peter to be sure the Death Eaters hadn't found his hiding spot.
"A faraway part of me feels like we should have popcorn or something." Dorcas laughed. "But I haven't really wanted anything like that since I got here."
Marlene bumped Doe's shoulder with her own. "Look at us, a couple of old dead girls."
"At least we don't look old," Doe laughed.
Marlene laughed and turned to the window; Peter slowly moved out of the little hiding place he'd been in since he was made the Potter's secret keeper.
"Where is Pete going?"
Dorcas frowned, "What's he thinking? He's supposed to be staying put."
Marlene willed the window to follow Peter and felt dread build in her stomach.
"What if…?"
"No," Dorcas shook her head, "He wouldn't." But her voice betrayed her concern.
The two women watched horrified as Peter went right into Voldemort's den, and straight to the monster himself.
Marlene was two steps ahead of Peter.
"We've got to warn Sirius!"
Instantly the window shimmered to Sirius at Headquarters and Marlene screamed for all her might, but Sirius didn't hear her. He spoke with Arthur as if their best friends weren't in mortal danger and Marlene could have killed him. But he didn't know, he couldn't know. No one would suspect Peter of this!
"Marlene! Move it to James and Lily!" Dorcas shook her arm. "We might be able to get them to hear us!"
Marlene threw the window to the Potter's, and panic struck as she saw their wands weren't anywhere near them.
"Lily!" Marlene screamed. "Lily!"
Doe yelled with her, but their voices fell on deaf ears.
Then Voldemort was there. Peter had betrayed them.
Marlene swung the window back to Sirius.
"What are you doing?!" Doe yelled.
"They need help!" Marlene yelled back before concentrating with all her might as she looked down at Sirius.
"Get to James, Sirius! Get to James!"
For a brief moment, Sirius seemed lost in thought, and then to Marlene's relief, he shook Arthur's hand before moving towards the door.
"I think he's going!" Doe cheered, "I think you did it!"
Marlene gripped Dorcas' hand and shifted the window back to the Potter's as Lily went running up to Harry's room and James tried to hold the stairs - wandless.
"Come on, Sirius," she whispered, but it was already too late.
James fell.
"No!" Marlene shouted, but Dorcas had jumped to her feet.
"James!" She yelled. "James, it's Dorcas! Marlene is here too! James!"
"Doe?" James called back.
"James!" Marlene called out to him. "James, hurry!"
The sound of pounding strides grew louder until James appeared and veered to the girls.
But when he made it to them there were tears streaming down his face and he collapsed next to them, sobbing uncontrollably. Marlene knew she should be comforting him, but she watched, fixated and horrified as Lily pleaded for Harry's life.
"It's all my fault!" James sobbed.
"No! James! This isn't your fault!" Dorcas tried to soothe him.
"I trusted him! I called him my friend!"
"We all did, James. We were all fooled."
Marlene recoiled from the window as Voldemort raised his wand against Lily.
"What's wrong?" Dorcas looked over at Marlene as she fell backward.
Marlene couldn't think straight. She thought for sure she had managed to get to Sirius! She thought he was going to make it in time. She thought it would be alright!
"Lily!" Marlene managed to choke out, and James jumped from his collapsed stance on the floor.
"Lily!" He cried. "Lily!"
Dorcas stood too. "Lily! Lily, we're here! Lily!"
"James!"
"Lily!" James spun around in circles. "Lily!"
And then they saw her. Lily came running right into James' arms.
"I'm sorry!" She sobbed. "I'm sorry! I couldn't stop him! I'm sorry!"
"It's my fault," James held her close, "No, it's all my fault."
Marlene's mind was still spinning, but one thought finally pushed through the muddled cacophony.
Harry.
Marlene scrambled back to the window and cringed as Voldemort pointed his wand at Harry. But then, the strangest thing happened. It was as though the spell backfired, and the house nearly blew to pieces. Marlene panicked and focused all her will on seeing Harry through the window. And once the dust had cleared, crying in his crib, sat her godson.
"He's alive!"
"What?" Dorcas moved to the window.
"Harry?" Lily looked down at the window. "Is that my Harry?!"
"Marlene made a window to the living world when she got here." Dorcas nodded.
"What happened?" James looked down, running a hand along the image of Harry.
"Voldemort's curse backfired somehow, it blew up him and your house, but Harry's still there."
"This is all my fault," James sat on the floor next to the window, his hand stroking Harry's head like there wasn't so much distance between them. "Merlin, I've made such a mess of everything!"
"Marly," Lily reached out her fingers caressing the window where Harry's cheek was. "What's going on?"
"We're dead," Marlene sighed. "This is where you first come when you're dead. When you're ready to move on, there's a train that comes and takes you to what's next. I accidentally made a window back to the living, and I decided to stay and watch till I knew Sirius was alright."
"Sirius!" James gripped Lily's shoulder. "Lily! Everyone thinks Sirius is our secret keeper! They'll think this was him!"
Lily's eyes went wide. "No, no, they'd listen to him! They'll give him veritaserum and get the truth! They'll know it's Peter!"
James took a steadying breath but his eyes were still wild. "Right. You're right. They'll listen to Sirius. He'll make sure Harry ends up with him. Dumbledore will keep the Ministry from jumping to conclusions."
"Is that Hagrid?" Dorcas pointed back to the window as two enormous hands picked up Harry.
"I think so," Marlene watched the big man wrap a dusty blanket around her little godson. "That must mean the Order's been alerted."
Hagrid moved carefully through the house, and Marlene noticed that he'd moved the bodies of her friends from their crumpled positions to lay side by side on the floor in the broken sitting room.
And as Hagrid moved to the front garden, Marlene saw Sirius.
He stood outside the house looking absolutely dead inside. He reached for Harry as Hagrid carried the baby out.
"What's going on?" Lily's voice carried an undertone of panic. "Why isn't Sirius taking Harry? Why is he giving Hagrid his bike?"
"We'll have the window follow Hagrid first and then we'll see where Sirius went." Dorcas soothed her. "I'm sure it'll make sense."
Marlene nodded, but she honestly believed that they'd be joined by Sirius before she could get the window back to him. Because if she was in his shoes, she'd be looking to take Peter out by any means necessary, even if it killed her.
They followed Hagrid as he flew across England but when he landed Lily gasped.
"No!"
"What's wrong?" Marlene looked frantically through the window, trying to see what danger was there.
James' face was bleak. "Hagrid's brought Harry to Petunia."
"Is that bad?" Doe frowned as Dumbledore set Harry down in front of the door. "He's not even going to knock?"
"Petunia would tell him to take Harry as far away from her as possible if he did," Lily growled. "Marly, get the window to Sirius. I'm going to scream for him to get my son until all of Hell hears me."
Marlene chuckled but quickly directed the window to Sirius.
"What's he doing?" Dorcas peered closer as they watched Sirius move swiftly through a crowded street.
"He's tracking Peter," Marlene answered.
"He needs him alive," James shoved his hand in his hair. "Please, Pads, take him alive."
It all played out in a terrifying way. Sirius finally cornered Peter, but the rat blew up half the street, cut off his finger, and then transformed and ran off.
Sirius stood stunned at what had just happened. And then she heard the sound of him laughing. It was the kind of laugh that if Marlene slept anymore it would feed her nightmares. It was the laughter of someone who knew they were doomed, someone who had no hope left, and hearing it come out of the man she loved most was killing her all over again.
Marlene pulled away from the window and tried to block out the sound. Sirius' screams were less painful than this. The laughter that bordered on insanity was like a knife in her heart slowly being spun, and the pain brought stars to her eyes.
Marlene sat curled in on herself until Lily touched her arm.
"Marly, Marly, please, please, get the window to show us Harry."
It was excruciating, the broken sound in Lily's voice, Sirius' laughter ringing in her ears, and knowing that when she moved the window to Harry he'd be sitting alone on a front step. But Marlene pulled herself out of the pain long enough to direct the window to her godson. It ended the sound of Sirius' laughter, leaving her feeling both empty and relieved. Then she moved a small way off from her friends and collapsed into her grief.
It felt like eons that she sat there, and part of her was hoping, waiting for the sound of Sirius' voice to bring her out of this darkness. But as she waited, only the echoes of his insane laughter haunted her ears.
"Marly," Dorcas rested a hand on her shoulder. "Can you show us Sirius? We don't know what happened to him."
"Can none of you move the window?" Marlene looked up from her curled position, pulling her knees closer to her chest as she brushed her curls from her face.
"No, it's your window. It only does what you tell it to do. And we've tried to make our own, it won't work."
Marlene swallowed hard, trying to find any strength within herself. She was needed, and if anything could get her moving and push her to action, it was being needed. As she took Doe's outstretched hand, Marlene felt like her chest was going to collapse, but she moved to her window, shifting it to Sirius.
She immediately regretted the action; seeing Sirius in Azkaban was like nails in her lungs, and in a panic she flung the window back to Harry, collapsing next to Doe and Lily.
It took some coaxing, but slowly Marlene managed to uncrumple herself enough to engage with her friends, but she found little purpose to their existence for a good while.
Watching Harry endure neglect while Lily's indignation slowly went from screaming to just a constant stream of tears and James pulled further and further in on himself was like a slow-acting poison.
Any time she moved the window to check on Remus he was destitute and without friends or home, and it was killing Dorcas.
Marlene wondered if maybe she should summon the train and leave.
She moved the window forward quickly at that point. Trying desperately to find some happiness associated with the world they'd left behind. If they could see one good thing, maybe it would give them the strength to stay.
Then Harry went to Hogwarts. And suddenly it was a rollercoaster as they watched Harry go through his first year. Their excitement at him being sorted into Gryffindor. Their combined fury at Snape not only being a teacher but his treatment of Harry. Lily's indignant screams at the Snape slowly shifting to her muttering curses anytime he dared speak to her son. The confusion at a three-headed-dog in the castle. The celebration when he was put on the Quidditch team. The troll in the castle, and Harry's friendship solidifying with the Weasley boy and girl with bushy brown hair.
It was Christmas that brought the tears.
"I'm so glad he has it." James wiped at his eyes as they watched Harry experiment with the invisibility cloak. "I thought for sure it would be lost forever now."
"Dumbledore had it when we died," Lily reminded him. "I'm sure he knew you'd want Harry to have it." She wiped a tear from her cheek. "At least he got presents this year. He hasn't had Christmas presents since we died."
Marlene shook her head, none of this was what they'd died for. They'd wanted so much more than all this for those left behind.
Watching Harry be a kid and sneak around the castle eased her sadness a small amount, but it did little when they watched Harry and his two friends maneuver the obstacles and then Harry confront Voldemort himself.
"It didn't kill him," Dorcas whispered as Harry fell to the floor, Philosopher's stone clutched in his hand. "He's breathing; he's alive."
Lily reached out to run her fingers over the window. "Is it wrong that part of me wishes it might have? Just so I could hold him and keep him from all of this?"
Marlene shook her head. "That's what mums are supposed to want to do. They're supposed to protect their children."
The next year was an equal roller coaster. Harry had a house-elf trying to sabotage him. Vernon and Petunia put bars on his window. He was rescued by the Weasley kids in a flying car, and then took that flying car to school when the platform didn't open. All of that was emotionally trying enough to watch as Harry's godmother, but when they caught sight of a Basilisk in the castle and it was set loose on the children, Marlene wanted to move through the year just as quickly as they could.
"Marly, wait, try and see their names on their essays," Lily grabbed her arm. "I want to know Harry's friends' names."
It proved useful to know names, especially when Hermione was the next victim to be petrified.
"What are the adults doing?!" Marlene stormed as she sped up the window again. "Why are children fighting this war?! Why is no one doing anything to protect these kids?! What is going on?!"
"Marly! Slow down the window! Harry and Ron are going after the Basilisk!" James' gripped her shoulder.
"For Merlin's sake!" Marlene stopped speeding through time, but she couldn't bring herself to watch, not this time.
"Hey," Dorcas sat down next to her on one of the chairs they'd created away from the window, a little sitting room for the four of them. "Maybe after this all plays out you could check in on Sirius, see how he's doing."
Marlene scoffed. "See how mad the Dementors have driven him?"
"I'm sorry, I thought it might help."
Marlene sighed and took Doe's hand. "Why don't we check in on Remus first, then we can see how Sirius is, and then maybe we won't feel so bad for Harry."
Doe sighed but nodded, "That's a blunt way to go about it."
"I'm sorry," Marlene pulled her into a hug. "I'm angry at the world, not you."
Doe chuckled, "Me too."
Marlene sat with Dorcas, their arms wrapped around each other as they mourned for the living and tried to tune out James' and Lily's screams and cries as they watched Harry.
After what felt like forever, Harry managed to not die again. For not quite thirteen, Harry was already accustomed to people trying to kill him, and it made Marlene sick.
But she'd promised Doe to check in on Remus and so she pushed her disgust at the world away and moved the window ahead a bit and then to Remus.
"Is that Hogwarts?" Lily peered closer. "That looks like the Defense Professor's office."
"But that would mean," James grinned, "The old wolf's going to teach! He's replacing idiot Gilderoy!"
Marlene squeezed Doe's hand as a sad smile touched her lips.
"I bet he's happy." Doe squeezed back. "A steady job, and a place to live, I bet this is everything to him right now."
Marlene let the window follow Remus around for a while, feeling like finally there was some hope for at least some of the people they left behind.
"Marly," Lily took her hand, "Let's check in on Sirius."
Marlene felt her chest constrict. "Don't you want to see Harry?"
James put his hand on her shoulder, "We do, but you haven't moved the window to check in on Sirius since they sent him to Azkaban. You said you were staying here to make sure he was alright."
"And how could he be?!" She pulled away from the Potters. "He's in Azkaban! They deliberately drive you stark raving mad in there! You think we're going to see the man we left behind? No! We're going to see a lunatic! And I don't want that to be what I remember! It's hard enough that the last image I have of him is right after Peter ruined everything! When he'd lost everything! You don't hear anything through the window, but I've heard two things through it since I got here: him screaming my name after I died and his awful laughter when Peter ran off! That's what I get to remember him! That's the nightmare I see if I even think of closing my eyes! Those are the sounds I hear when we let it go silent! I'm dead but I'm the one who's haunted!"
"Marly," Dorcas carefully took her hand, "Marly, it's going to be alright. Why don't you move the window and I'll sit with you over here while James and Lily look in on Sirius."
Marlene didn't know how she would have made it through this without Dorcas to deescalate her. Deliberately, Marlene turned her back to the window and willed it to Sirius, then she sat down on the floor and hung her head in her hands.
"Marlene!" Lily cried.
Marlene ignored her and tried to block out her friend. She didn't want to see this. She didn't want to see what Azkaban had turned Sirius into.
"Marlene!" James grabbed her arm and started pulling her and Dorcas to the window. "Sirius is breaking out!"
"But no one can break out of Azkaban." Marlene shook her head.
"No human can," James grinned and pointed down to the window.
Marlene felt tears well in her eyes. There in the window, sneaking down to the water's edge, was Padfoot.
The image of Sirius as his dog Animagus rushed her with memories; the day he first told her and then showed her he could become a dog; the days he'd turn into a dog because they'd been fighting and she had the hardest time being angry at a big cuddly black dog; the times they'd go undercover so Padfoot could sniff out information; and the times where Sirius would be Padfoot when she got home just so he could get her to laugh after a hard day.
And now Padfoot was swimming to freedom.
"Only took the old dog twelve years to figure it out!" James laughed and kissed Lily. "He can't stay in Britain, but at least he'll be free. Make a new life for himself somewhere."
The moment of elation Marlene had felt was instantly dampened. A new life for Sirius, one that didn't include her.
She'd known, somewhere in the back of her mind, that Sirius could find love again, move on from her, but the realization that it could now be a reality for him made her chest feel like it was imploding - again.
"I wonder where he's going?" Doe mused as Padfoot made it to Scotland's bank.
Marlene watched as he ran and felt a warm glow in her chest as she realized what direction he was heading. Marlene sped up the window to make sure she was right, watching the big back dog run for a couple of days before coming to stop at the cemetery McKinnon's had been buried in for centuries. It didn't take him long to find her, and Marlene felt the tears run down her cheeks as he nuzzled the tombstone with her name carved into the rock. She ran her hand against the window, wishing for all the world she could touch him.
"I love you." She whispered.
Marlene let the window play out the night that Padfoot slept over her grave. That night was a healing balm against the torture that had wreaked havoc on her mind and soul. Her friends seemed to know she needed this, and while she heard them speaking quietly behind her in their sitting area, they didn't intrude on her as she took what little she could from this night of watching Sirius be as close to her as he could be.
When morning came, Sirius nuzzled her tombstone once more before turning South and heading off into the morning, sun barely peeking over the horizon.
Marlene smiled and turned back to her friends. "Shall we skip ahead a bit and see what trouble Harry's managed to find?"
Lily wrapped her in a hug. "Yes, please."
Trouble seemed to be a hopeful term because the group of four were faced with a scene that made them want to laugh and scream at the same time. Harry was inflating a large woman who looked a great deal like Vernon. While that was funny, watching Harry run away into the night was a right side more than concerning.
"What's he doing?" Dorcas cried. "Voldemort has already tried to kill him twice, and now he's running away on his own!"
Marlene scanned around Harry, trying to see danger before it hit her godson. Then she smiled.
"Doe, it's alright! Look, there's Padfoot!"
"That mangy dog," James laughed.
"He should be anywhere else," Lily frowned. "If they find him, they're sure to give him the Dementor's Kiss."
"He's where he wants to be," Marlene smiled down as Padfoot watched Harry, his teeth baring in the smile that she knew was the combination of man and dog.
The Knight Bus arrived moments later and Marlene took one more look at Padfoot before having the window follow Harry. She was glad she had because it was the last comforting thing she saw for a good bit. Harry had the Knight Bus take him to the Leaky, and Diagon Alley was plastered in wanted posters for Sirius. The Weasleys were especially watchful over Harry, which Marlene loved them for, but she hated that they thought they needed to be. They'd been friends, Arthur and Molly had spent time with her family, with her and Sirius, and now they were scared of him.
She was brooding about that as Harry boarded the train when Dorcas gasped.
"Why is he riding the train?"
Marlene looked closer and smiled. "I bet he wanted to see Harry."
"I mean, he is our kid," James smirked and Lily shoved him.
"How can you still have this size of an ego?" She grinned as Harry sat down and looked at Remus.
"I mean, I took on Voldemort without a wand." James grinned at her.
"Merlin, James!" Dorcas laughed.
"What, we've been dead for twelve years, can't we joke about it now?"
Marlene laughed, "Lily, go kiss him and make him be quiet."
But the laughter died on all their lips when Lily pointed to the window. "Are, are those, Dementors?"
"Why are there Dementors on the train?" James moved closer. "Damnit, Moony, wake up!"
And then the compartment door opened to where Harry and his friends were with Remus, and Marlene watched horrified as the Dementor closed in on Harry.
"Remus!" Lily screamed.
As soon as the Dementor came close to Harry, Remus was moving, his wand held high, and Marlene let out a huge breath as he pushed the Dementor out of the compartment and out of the train coach.
"This is unacceptable!" Lily stormed as Remus helped Harry up from the floor. "Why are they letting Dementors on the train?! Why are the Dementors outside of Azkaban?!"
"I bet it's Sirius," Marlene watched as the train started towards Hogwarts again. "I bet the Ministry is scared, and so they've let their fear drive their decisions, just like last time."
"I can't do this!" Lily stormed. "I can't just sit here and watch everything and everyone work against my son! I can't do this!" Lily stomped away from the window, her hands clenched in fists.
"Lils," James went after her, but Marlene couldn't help but feel the same as Lily.
"You were right," she looked over at Doe. "You said this would drive us mad, and it is."
"No," Doe shook her head, "I said figuring out who the mole was would drive us mad."
"Because we wouldn't be able to do anything about it," Marlene pressed her palm into her forehead. "And we can't do anything about any of this either. Why are we torturing ourselves, Doe?"
Dorcas looked down at the window, her eyes falling on the spot Remus had been sitting.
"Because we love them, and we don't really want to move on without them."
It was true. Marlene had told her family that she only wanted to make sure Sirius was alright, but she'd sat at this window for twelve years because she didn't want to get on that train without him, she didn't want to completely leave him behind, she didn't want to move on by herself.
It only got harder to watch, especially when Sirius got into the castle and tried to get into Gryffindor Tower. Marlene couldn't make sense of what he was doing!
"Maybe he did go mad," Marlene turned away from the window as Sirius slashed the fat lady's portrait. When she turned back he was Padfoot again and moving back to the Whomping Willow and the tunnel leading to the Shrieking Shack.
"Something's off," James shook his head. "I think we're missing something."
"This would be a lot easier if we could hear what was going on." Dorcas nodded.
Marlene moved the window away from the image of Sirius kicking the already broken furniture in the Shrieking Shack and back to Harry.
"Well, the only times I hear through the window are when Sirius is at his lowest, so I'm glad I can't hear anything right now."
Lily put a hand on Marlene's shoulder. "I'm sure he hasn't gone mad, Marly. He must have a plan. Sirius always had a plan. He always looked out for us. I'm sure that there's more to this than we can see now."
Marlene wrapped Lily in a hug, the woman who always saw the best in everyone, even when they were stark raving mad.
"Don't change, Lils."
It was a train wreck of a year, the only high points being that Harry got the Marauders map from the Weasley twins, the few moments Remus got to spend with Harry individually, and Sirius managing to send Harry a Firebolt. She smiled at the thought of Walburga Black turning in her grave over the Black fortune funding that.
But when Sirius fully attacked Ron, Marlene lost all hope that he hadn't gone insane.
"What in the name of Merlin and Morgana is he doing?!" She screeched as Sirius drug the boy by his leg, Harry and Hermione running after them.
"Padfoot!" James yelled at the window.
"I swear if he gets Harry killed I'm going to go back down there and strangle him!" Lily stormed as Harry and Hermione fought against the Whomping Willow to get down to the tunnel.
They managed it, thanks to Hermione's cat, and finally found their way to Sirius and Ron. Everything happened very quickly after that. Remus was suddenly there, talking very quickly as the three teens held their wands at him, and then Snape barged in, who Harry, Hermione, and Ron blasted.
"Nice one!" James cheered.
And then it all made sense as Ron handed over his pet rat.
"No!" Lily gasped, "It can't be!"
"It has to be," Marlene watched transfixed as Sirius and Remus revealed the rat to be Peter.
"That slimy traitor!" James growled.
"They'll kill him," Doe looked down with fire in her eyes. "Remus and Sirius won't let him live."
But to their great astonishment, they didn't kill him. They didn't kill Peter, and it looked very much like they weren't killing him at Harry's intervention.
"What is he thinking?" Dorcas shook her head.
"I think he's trying to save Sirius," Lily pursed her lips. "If they can get Peter to admit to what he's done, then Sirius walks free."
Marlene smiled down at Sirius, looking happier than he had since she died. He even looked like he had laughed.
"Then I say I've got a wonderful godson."
But that was the last of the happy moments. As the group emerged back at Hogwarts, the full moon rose and Remus transformed, Wormtail escaped, and Sirius tried to save the children by distracting Remus - with Padfoot's teeth.
Marlene finally had to turn away when the Dementors closed in on Sirius, Harry, and Hermione. She couldn't watch it, not that, not something that would potentially remove any chance of her ever seeing Sirius here, let alone her godson, and poor Hermione - children! They were children! It made her want to vomit and cry and scream until her voice gave out!
Dorcas followed Marlene away from the window and Lily hid her face in James' chest as he watched for all of them.
"He did it!" James cried. "He cast a corporeal Patronus! And it's Prongs!"
Marlene moved back to the window; Harry, Sirius, and Hermione collapsed on the ground. "It took everything out of him though."
"Wait," James looked down. "How did he get there? He was over here a ways when he cast the Patronus."
"Are you sure?" Dorcas looked down.
"I could have sworn…" James trailed off.
"At least he made it through," Lily sighed. "I was so scared we'd lost him for good."
James' confusion was soon explained as they watched Harry and Hermione go back in time and free both Hagrid's Hippogriff and Sirius.
"The only good Dumbledore's done since Voldemort attacked you three - aside from hiring Remus I suppose." Marlene smiled at the Potter's before turning back to watch Sirius fly away.
"Will you find Remus, Marly?" Doe's voice was quiet. "The sun's starting to rise, he should be coming to."
Marlene wrapped her arms around Doe's shoulders and moved the window to Remus. The window revealed him collapsed on the ground in the Forbidden Forest, the effects of his fight with Padfoot plainly evident. Dorcas turned into Marlene's shoulder and quietly cried.
Marlene sped up the window, trying to find something to ease Doe's pain, but nothing that followed brought any of them much comfort. Remus packed up his office and left, apparently, he was sacked, or knowing Remus, he resigned his post. Any time the window was on Harry when he slept, he'd wake up in a panic that had to be nightmares. Harry, Hermione, and Ron were caught up in a Death Eater attack at the World Cup, with them under the Dark Mark when it was cast.
"How could this get worse?" Lily shook her head. "Can we just get them to school?" She pleaded, and Marlene willingly moved the window ahead.
"What if I just moved it ahead till we know everything turns out alright?" She mused.
"I don't think that's a good idea." James shook his head. "I only found you because you called out to me. If you hadn't, I probably would have gotten on a train and moved ahead. If Voldemort gets to Harry, I want to see it so we can make sure we get him here."
Marlene sighed and slowed down the window. "You're probably right."
They watched Harry and his friends walk about their classes; it looked to be a few days into the start of term.
Then Dorcas gasped. "Is that Moody?" They peered down as the students took their seats.
"Merlin's beard!" James laughed. "How did Dumbledore convince him to teach?"
They watched their old mentor lecture, but Marlene frowned as the lesson moved to a demonstration.
"Did he really just use the Imperius Curse on a child?!"
"That's not Moody! Moody would never! He wouldn't!" James pushed his hands against the window as Moody's wand turned to Harry. "No!"
"James," Lily knelt next to him, "James, look! Harry's not giving in! He's not doing anything! He's throwing off the curse!"
Marlene breathed a sigh of relief that her godson was strong enough to throw that off. But they all agreed, someone was parading around in Moody's skin.
"I hate that we can't do anything," Marlene growled as the students moved on to their next classes. "Having to sit and watch it play out is torture. We know something is off but we can't do anything about it!"
"Sirius was able to reach you here," James looked down at Harry, "What if you two are linked somehow? Maybe you could reach him?"
"We tried that," Marlene shook her head. "It didn't work."
"We watched Peter turn you over to Voldemort," Doe explained, "And we screamed our heads off at the two of you to try and warn you. When that didn't work, Marlene tried to reach out to Sirius. We thought it had worked, but if it did, he got there too late."
"So it could have worked!" James latched on to the idea. "You just need to have more time!"
"It didn't work, James." Marlene moved away from the window.
"It didn't work quickly, but you don't need speed here," James followed her. "You just need to tell Sirius to get back to Scotland. If he's where Harry can call on him, then Harry will be safe!"
Marlene turned to argue, but Lily grabbed her hand and looked at her with unshed tears. "Please try, Marly. For Harry."
All her resolve crumbled because Lily had just pulled the one card that always made both her and Sirius fold: Harry.
"I'll try."
Marlene shifted the window to Sirius and his tropical hideout. He looked calm, not happy really, but not insane either. He was sitting under a tree eating a fruit she didn't know the name of but it looked sweet and he was dribbling juice all down the front of his torn and messy shirt. Buckbeak sat next to him tearing into his own fruit.
The image was too serene for her to yell at him, and honestly, she hated yelling at him. They'd moved so far past that when she'd died, they were moving towards the kind of couple that made it eighty years together. She was done yelling. So Marlene sat next to her window and whispered.
"Harry isn't safe, love. You've got to go back. Please, Sirius, get back to Harry, for James, for Lily, for me, get back to Harry."
The Potters and Dorcas looked down over her shoulder as Sirius continued to sit under his tree.
"I told you it wouldn't work." Marlene sighed.
"We don't know that yet." James shook his head. "Try it when he goes to sleep. Maybe you can work your way into his dreams."
Marlene moved the window ahead and tried again. James had her try every night, skipping past the days for her to sit and whisper through her window while Sirius slept.
"Why don't we check in on Harry?" Marlene pushed the aching in her heart down before James could press her to try again. It was torture, to talk to Sirius like he could hear her, like she could do anything to make a difference in his life now, let alone change things for their godson.
James went to protest, but Lily cut him off. "I think we should. I don't trust that he's safe with whoever is impersonating Moody."
Marlene shifted the window back to Harry, moving forward a few more days, but was very confused when the halls of Hogwarts were suddenly awash with students in uniforms that were definitely not Hogwarts uniforms.
"What in the world is going on?" Lily leant in closer.
"Those blue uniforms are Beauxbatons," Dorcas looked down. "My parents considered moving me there my last year when things got really bad."
Marlene squeezed Doe's hand. "I'm glad they didn't."
Dorcas smiled, "Me too."
"What about those other uniforms?" Lily frowned.
"I think that's Durmstrang." James supplied. "But I'm not positive."
"Why are they at Hogwarts?" Lily's frown deepened. "I don't like this."
Marlene moved the window around until they came to a goblet the size of a large cauldron mounted on a pedestal.
"What in Merlin's name is going on?"
"Marly, try and get closer to it, I think I see writing on it." James moved to put his face right up to the window.
"The Goblet of Fire," he said aloud after Marlene had forced the window as close as she could get it. "Why does that sound familiar?"
She frowned, it did sound familiar. Maybe from Binns' class?
"Wait," Lily scrunched her face in concentration, "I think I remember. There's a tournament, we learned about it in the last couple months of History of Magic before we finished Hogwarts."
Doe gasped, "They wouldn't!"
"What?" James' voice sounded sick.
"The Tri-Wizard Tournament, I think they've brought it back!"
"But didn't it kill students almost every time it was held," Marlene protested. "Surely they'd leave it dead and gone."
James shook his head. "Marly, please, please try again to get Sirius to Harry. Everything about this looks wrong."
It killed her, but Marlene knew James was right. Harry needed protection, and if Dumbledore was going to hire an imposter parading around as Moody and allow the Tri-Wizard Tournament back, then Sirius had to be there to make sure someone looked out for Harry.
Marlene willed the window back to Sirius, and to her surprise, she found him in a cave.
"Where in the hell is he now?"
"Pull back," James' had the ghost of a smile on his lips.
Marlene pulled the window back so that they could see where the cave was and James laughed.
"You did it Marly!" He cheered and threw his arms around her. "That cave is one of the ones we'd hide in when we were sneaking around! Sirius is within a mile of Hogwarts!"
But Marlene didn't know if she wanted to believe she was the reason for it, because if Sirius had returned to Scotland because of her, then James and Lily would believe that she could do it again. Marlene didn't know if she could do it all again, only to find out that it wasn't her and to watch it all fall apart - again..
"Let's go back to Harry," Marlene turned away from James. "Sirius is here, let's focus on Harry."
"Mar?" Dorcas put her hand on her shoulder. "You alright?"
Marlene tried to pour everything she wanted to say into a glance before turning back to the window and shifting it to Harry. He was sitting in the Great Hall, at what looked like the Halloween feast.
Doe took her hand. "At least Harry can't compete in the Tri-Wizard Tournament. He's underage."
Marlene tried to calm herself, but she couldn't shake the dread that had built inside her since Peter had returned. Nothing looked alright from where they all sat and watched it play out in silence - silence she both cursed and basked in. She could feel the panic rising and closed her eyes, thinking about when she and Sirius would ride his motorcycle away from everything, ride until they felt free again, and lie on blankets over the forest floor and forget the world, forget the awfulness in the past, forget how broken they both felt, and just be; be happy, be content, be in love.
"I thought there could only be three participants." Lily's voice intruded on Marlene's borrowed moment from the past, trying to relive the peace she'd once had.
"There aren't supposed to be more than three," Dorcas' voice had an undertone of panic in it and grudgingly Marlene opened her eyes to see Dumbledore reading from a scrap of paper, and the entire hall looking at one person.
Harry.
Slowly, looking positively terrified, Harry stood and moved towards the front of the hall and back into a room where three other students waited also. Everything that followed was a train wreck, and Sirius being there didn't seem to be helping anything other than to make James feel better.
Marlene tried to keep the window on Harry as much as possible, but her friends were insistent on checking in on Sirius. Dorcas stopped suggesting the idea when every time she suggested it, Marlene always took them to Remus first. Both Sirius and Remus were living in awful places, looking worse and worse every time they saw them, and it was obvious how unhappy they were.
It was too hard, too depressing, and if it wouldn't have killed James and Lily, she would have left the window and got on the train and not cared what came next. Not even seeing Harry struggle with girls could make her smile. She wanted out. But in death as in life, Marlene knew her friends depended on her, needed her, and so she gritted her teeth and stuck it out.
But it only got worse.
James tried to jump through the window when Harry gave the imposter Moody the Marauders' Map. And then he wouldn't talk to her for days when Marlene refused to follow the imposter around to try and figure out who they really were. But she couldn't do it again, try and have an impact on the living. She'd tried that and it didn't work. She wasn't about to spend this time in purgatory in more agony than she needed to.
Watching how awful the living had it was killing her, watching how awful things were for Sirius and Remus was killing her, and knowing that her godson might not make it through the year was killing her, and the irony was she was already dead.
Somehow Harry lived through to the final task. The window followed him through the maze, and Marlene felt a glimmer of pride when Harry didn't leave the other Hogwarts boy behind and the two took up the trophy together.
And then it became a nightmare.
Before they knew what was happening, the other boy was dead.
"Should we call for him?" Dorcas asked in a quiet voice.
"We don't even know his name. We couldn't call for him if we wanted to." Marlene hugged her arms around her middle as she waited for Harry to fall next.
"Poor chap," James pulled Lily into him.
"Er, hello?" A voice spoke from behind them.
Marlene spun and felt her jaw drop. There stood the boy.
"Sorry, but, what's going on?"
Dorcas, wonderful Dorcas, stood and took on the responsibility of guiding this boy.
"Well, you're dead, and if we get you a train you'll be able to move on to what lies ahead."
"What's that?" he pointed to her window.
"It's a window that lets us see what's happening in the world," Dorcas explained.
"Would...would you mind if I watched my friend? He's in a pretty big spot of trouble, and I'd like to make sure he makes it out; if he doesn't I'll go on ahead with him."
"Of course you can watch with us, we're all rather invested in Harry as well."
"You know Harry?" The boy asked as Dorcas led him to the window.
"We're his family." James put a hand on the boy's shoulder as they watched Peter secure Harry to the headstone in the graveyard.
The boy looked at James with wide eyes.
"What's your name?" Dorcas pulled the boy's attention back to her.
"I'm Cedric Diggory."
"Nice to meet you, Cedric," Marlene gave him a sad smile.
He nodded, too in shock to respond to his new surroundings, which was fine, because they were all too engrossed in watching the horrific scene play out before them to engage Cedric in conversation.
And it was horrific. Lily screamed when Peter cut Harry's hand, while James pounded on the window. Marlene shot the window to Sirius to scream at him but he did nothing, so she flung the window back to Harry. Then she turned away, she couldn't watch, she couldn't do this. She wanted to run away to her parents and her sister and forget that the living ever existed. Dorcas grabbed her hand and squeezed it until it hurt as Marlene waited for Harry to join them; there was no way he'd make it out of this one.
Suddenly, Cedric was pulled through the window and they stared as he came out the other end of Voldemort's wand.
"What's happening?" Marlene scrambled to the window to see if she could breakthrough, but it was still as solid as stone to her.
"I don't know," James pounded on the window and tried to push through. "But if he can get through I've got to!"
"James!" Lily screamed as she was pulled through the window.
"Lily!" James grabbed her and amazingly they both went right through the window.
"What the hell!" Marlene looked at Doe and then back at the window.
"I think it's because they were all killed by Voldemort." Dorcas took Marlene's hand in a death grip, "Don't let go of me, I'm not going back."
Marlene squeezed her hand tightly, feeling the fear in Doe's eyes. "I've got you."
They didn't need to worry, James was the last figure to leave Voldemort's wand. Dorcas and Marlene watched as James and Lily cut the bond of Harry's and Voldemort's wands before rushing Voldemort and allowing Harry a chance to get Cedric's body and the cup and make it back to Hogwarts.
Then the three were pulled back through the window. Marlene pulled Lily to her and held her. "I thought we might've lost you both again."
James pulled them and Dorcas into a group hug and Marlene realized how much she needed them. They were a family, they'd been a family in life and in death, and when James and Lily slipped through the window Marlene thought they'd lost each other forever.
A voice cleared behind them and the four friends remembered Cedric.
"So, er, you said I could move on?" He was keeping his back to the window.
Doe was who disentangled herself first. "All you need to do is summon the train."
He opened his mouth to question her, but then stopped when the whistle of steam sounded and he turned to find his train.
"Do I just get on?" He put his hand on the handle of the coach door.
"Yep, this will take you forward."
He paused and turned back to them. "Will you four be alright? Do you want to come too?"
Marlene chuckled at this darling child. "We'll be fine now."
"Go on lad," James put his hand on his shoulder. "You don't have anything to keep you from the next adventure."
Cedric smiled and climbed aboard his coach. He waved once before turning around and disappearing into the distance.
The events from the graveyard had changed Marlene's outlook in that she wasn't taking her friends for granted; she was focusing on the good around her and not just how awful it was for the living. James and Lily were different too. They seemed emboldened, empowered. She could tell they believed now that they could help Harry, that they could really protect him.
Marlene's optimism began to dissolve though when she'd moved the window to check on Sirius and found him at Grimmauld Place. James tried to reassure her that Sirius would be alright, especially with his parents long gone. She had to admit it, Sirius did seem to be better than she'd expected, even though seeing him there filled her with dread.
But when the Dementors came to attack Harry and his cousin in Little Whinging they all felt the foreboding she'd originally felt.
"I don't understand why they keep him there," Dorcas fumed as they watched a woman usher Harry and Dudley back inside the Dursley home and scold a man who Apparated there about the same time. "Surely he'd be safer just about anywhere else."
"He'd be safer with Sirius," James swore. "Marly, try and get to Sirius. I don't know what that woman is going to do, but I want Sirius to be there."
Marlene felt the angry tears pressing on the back of her eyes. "James, it doesn't work."
"Marly, please," Lily was still on the floor, palms pressed against the window as if she pushed hard enough she might fall back through to her son, currently fighting with his aunt and uncle.
Marlene couldn't watch, it made her throat close and her chest ache. Just to keep Lily from reaching for Harry any longer, Marlene nodded and moved the window to Sirius.
He was in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, storming about it as Remus spoke. She'd never reach him in that state, but then she reminded herself that she wasn't going to reach him anyway. She'd never really done it before, she'd never managed to get to him, or at least not fast enough to make a difference for Harry.
"Hurry, Marly," James coaxed.
She sighed and moved to the window, squeezing Lily's hand as she joined her on the floor.
"Sirius," she whispered, "Harry's in trouble, again." She smiled sadly at her words. They used to joke about being there to bail Harry out of the trouble boys normally get up to, breaking windows with Quaffels or Bludgers and sneaking frogs into the house. They had talked about all the fun they'd get up to with him. The kind of trouble that was a little endearing too. Her smile fell though as Sirius slammed his hand down on the kitchen table.
"He already knows, James."
"Then why in Merlin's name is he still there!?"
"I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's because if he leaves that cursed house he's going to end up with a Dementor's Kiss." Marlene stood and pulled the window back to Harry.
"But he could go as Padfoot," James argued.
"Not if Peter told Voldemort and the Death Eaters about Padfoot." Dorcas pointed out.
Marlene watched as James looked like all the air had been sucked out of him.
"I'm sorry, James," Marlene started towards him but he shook his head and moved away.
Lily gave Marlene a sad smile and went after her husband.
"Nothing is better here," Marlene turned away from the window to look at Dorcas.
"To be fair," Dorcas motioned Marlene to sit with her in the sitting area they'd willed into existence, "we haven't technically moved on. We're not meant to stay here. We're meant to be on the train and heading away from here, away from the living."
"Am I a coward?" Marlene heard the question fall from her lips unbidden.
It was a question Sirius had once asked her, when he had wanted to run, to leave everything behind and never look back.
"You're here," Dorcas smiled, "I think that speaks a lot to your bravery."
"Being killed in a war doesn't necessarily signify that I'm brave, Doe." She leant over her knees and pushed her palms into her forehead.
"No I mean you're here now. You wanted to leave after Sirius went to Azkaban."
"How do you know that?" Marlene's head shot up.
Doe gave her a sad smile. "The train appeared after we watched Sirius go after Peter. We all thought once you could get up, you'd leave us. That was why Lily got you to move the window back to Harry. We couldn't control it and we agreed it should be on Harry when you left."
Marlene slouched forward over her knees again. "I didn't notice the train," she sighed heavily, "but I did think about leaving. I thought watching how awful his life would be was going to drive me insane."
"But you stayed," Dorcas put a hand on Marlene's shoulder. "And that's why you're not a coward. No one would blame you for going on to your family. No one would blame you for not standing by and watching Sirius suffer, watching Harry fight every single second to stay alive. But you're here, you're supporting James and Lily, you're making it possible for me to see Remus now and again. You've made it so we all have a bit more out of this waiting. You've pushed past your own problems to be there for us, and that's certainly not cowardice."
Marlene was quiet a long time before she finally looked up at Dorcas.
"When should we move on? When is it enough?"
Dorcas looked over at the window, Harry sitting alone in his room as the sun set out his window.
"I guess, when things have either resolved, or they're all here with us anyway."
Marlene nodded, turning to watch her godson as he kicked at his trunk, and part of her wished that it could be the latter, the easier, the faster option. She wanted them all out of this misery. She didn't want them living this way. She didn't want them suffering for things out of their control. She wanted them there with her, moving on to wherever that blasted train went.
But her melancholy was jolted out of her when she saw figures out of Harry's window. She swore as she jumped up and moved the window to the approaching party, Doe right behind her.
"It's alright," Dorcas gave a relieved laugh, "that's Remus!" She pointed to one of the figures not fully in view.
Sure enough, as the figure stepped out of the shadow, Remus' face came into view. Marlene squeezed Dorcas' hand and tried to throw as much comfort into her gaze as she could.
"Moony's there?" James asked as he and Lily approached.
"They've got brooms," Dorcas nodded, "I think they're taking Harry somewhere."
James and Lily came to stand by them in front of the window.
The four watched as Harry and the members of the old Order flew through the night to Grimmauld Place.
"I'm sorry, James," Marlene said quietly as they watched Harry speak with Sirius. "I know you just want to help Harry. I'm sorry I was sarcastic."
James sighed and shoved his hand in his hair. "It's alright, Marlene. I'm sorry I'm pressuring you to reach Sirius. Lily pointed out that it would kill her if she had to just sit and watch me try to function down there, not being able to do anything." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gave them a quick squeeze. "It's hard enough watching Harry, but I've at least got Lily to ground me, to help me forget sometimes that it all fell apart, that it's my fault it did."
"It's not your fault. You had every right to trust Peter."
James huffed. "Sirius thought it was Remus. That's why he convinced me to use Peter."
Marlene nodded, "I suspected Remus too, but Sirius and I thought that Peter was just going to try and fade into the background so he wouldn't be on the front lines anymore. Honestly, I thought he'd simply run for it. I never expected him to betray us all."
James chuckled. "Remus thought it was you and Sirius until they got you and your family. He wasn't sure after that, but he couldn't figure out anyone else but Sirius."
"Voldemort won out in the end," she sighed, "He managed to turn us all against each other."
"He didn't though," James shook his head. "Harry's still there. Voldemort didn't win. He isn't winning. Everything he tries, Harry comes through."
"Harry doesn't deserve this," Marlene watched as Arthur led Harry through the Ministry Atrium.
"No, he doesn't. I'm proud of him though. For having everything stripped away, he's handling it all better than I would have, posh brat that I am."
Marlene laughed. "I suppose we can be grateful for that."
Harry's Ministry hearing looked like a joke, but as they didn't snap his wand, it looked as though Dumbledore had managed to make the ministry see some level of sense. And Harry returned safely back to Grimmauld Place.
Harry looking at the picture of the Order brought tears to all their eyes. It looked like maybe it would work out alright this year for Harry, that maybe Harry would be able to be safe within the walls of Hogwarts until the new Order could manage to take out Voldemort. But those hopes were quickly dashed.
Once Harry was back at Hogwarts there was a pink toad in the Defence Against the Dark Arts position and whatever she was saying was causing Harry to get into what looked a great deal like a shouting match with her. His detention with the toad made Marlene move the window, worried Lily might hurt herself with how hard she was banging on the window and screaming at the woman.
"Lils," James pulled her to him, "You've got to calm down."
"Calm! She's torturing him! She's cutting words into his skin! My baby's skin! And you expect me to calm down!"
"Lily, we can't stop her." Dorcas put a comforting hand on her shoulder.
Those words seemed to do it, because instead of fighting to get back to the window, Lily broke down and sobbed into James' chest as tears fell down his own cheeks.
While Dorcas might have been right about herself, Lily, and James, it was possible, Marlene thought, that Dorcas was wrong about her.
She'd moved the window to Sirius, and she came to sit next to Sirius as he sat and spoke with Remus at Grimmauld Place.
"Marly," James called out to her, "don't."
She shook her head. "No one touches my godson and gets away with it, James."
She sat and whispered over and over again to Sirius that Harry wasn't safe at Hogwarts. That he needed to go and get him and hang the toad by her toes for a good week at least. She kept telling him again and again and again to act, to run, to get Harry out.
"Marlene," Dorcas whispered. "Maybe you should take a break. We should check on Harry."
Marlene wanted to hurl something at Sirius. Why couldn't he hear her! Why had he been able to reach her that first day here but she couldn't reach him at all?
"Doe's right Marly," James touched her shoulder. "If Sirius has heard you, he'll do something. Let's make sure Harry's managed to stay out of her office."
Reluctantly, Marlene pulled the window back to Harry and then went for Lily, who was sitting on the plush sofa the Potters had willed into existence a ways off from the window and the sitting area, a little space for their own privacy.
"I'm sorry," Marlene whispered when she sat down next to Lily, "I tried."
"Thank you, for trying. I know it's hard for you to do that, to talk to him like he can hear you."
Marlene looked bitterly at her window. "I love Harry too, Lils. I'll keep trying to reach Sirius and get him to Harry even if it kills me."
Lily giggled, "You're already dead, though."
Marlene laughed, the irony of her comment making her silly as she laughed with Lily; it felt so good to laugh.
"We should laugh more," Marlene pulled Lily into a hug. "I think this is the first time I've laughed in ages."
"I guess we haven't had much to laugh about." Lily gave her a sad smile.
"Your husband is a Marauder," Marlene grinned, "Maybe we should make him perform for us, tell old stories."
"That honestly sounds wonderful."
"Says the woman who got after him for all his practical jokes."
Lily rolled her eyes, "I wish I'd seen then how unimportant so much of it was."
"It was good that you didn't then, those four needed someone to tell them to shape up a bit."
"I suppose so," Lily looked over at the window. "Should we go check on my baby?"
"Yeah," Marlene gave her hand a squeeze, "maybe it's a little bit better now."
It started off better, Harry had figured out how to use the Room of Requirement, and he'd pulled a small group of students together to teach them defensive spells. He was rather good at it, and it gave Marlene hope. Maybe he was better prepared than they'd originally thought. Maybe he could manage to finish off Voldemort, though he shouldn't have that burden to begin with. And that hope brought all of them a great deal of comfort.
But then it got worse. So much worse.
Harry was yelling at Dumbledore in the middle of the night, the Weasley kids were called in and they all were through the floo to Grimmauld Place. It took some skipping, but they finally found out that something had attacked Arthur, though how Harry knew was beyond the four of them.
And then they saw Frank and Alice.
"What…?" Dorcas stared at the window, speechless.
"But, but he picked us," Lily stuttered. "Why would they have gone after them too?"
James collapsed down to the window. "I can't believe they didn't just kill them. They left them like this."
Marlene just cried. The Frank and Alice she knew weren't the people sitting in that hospital.
While they were still reeling from knowing the fate of the Longbottom's, their focus was forced to switch, because suddenly Harry was meeting regularly with Snape. Those ended abruptly with Snape throwing everything in his office at Harry. But since they couldn't hear what was being said, they had no idea what was happening, the four friends determined it was probably for the best. The less time Harry spent with Snape the better.
"I feel bad for the Weasley twins," Dorcas sat with Marlene as they watched Harry speak with the twins and their sister. "I remember how hard that last year of school was, and everything we wanted but weren't ready for."
Marlene chuckled, their last year at Hogwarts felt like a lifetime ago.
"They remind me a bit of the Marauders."
"They'll do well then," Dorcas smiled as the twins grinned at Harry, their own brand of mischief written across their faces.
That conversation between Harry and the twins ended up resulting in some Marauder-style chaos, the swamp in the corridor being the tamest thing they witnessed. And it ended with the twins leaving Hogwarts in a magnificent display, and Peeves saluting them as they flew off.
But things quickly went downhill.
"Where in Merlin is he going?" James gripped his hair.
"Hold on," Marlene flung the window to Sirius and began shouting at him. She had no idea where Harry was going but someone had to stop him.
"Try Remus," Dorcas gripped her shoulder when it looked as though Sirius wasn't going to respond.
Marlene shot the window to Remus. But even with her and Dorcas yelling at him, no sound made it through the window.
"Move it to Harry," Lily gripped James' hand in a death grip, "Maybe he was going to Sirius."
Marlene moved the window to Harry, willing the window to move ahead to him reaching his destination. Her heart fell as Harry and his little army descended into the Ministry of Magic.
"Why is he there!?"
Marlene swore and tried to speed the window forward without skipping anything. James gripped her arm when Harry stepped into the hall that held prophecies.
"Marly, stop, that's why he's here."
"They would have told him though, wouldn't they? He wouldn't need to come all this way to hear it." Marlene frowned. "Sirius would have told him. He wouldn't keep something like that from him, maybe not the part where only one can live, but he would have told him there was a prophecy about him, that started this whole thing off."
"Would Dumbledore let him?" Dorcas frowned as they watched the children move carefully through the hall.
Marlene swore.
"What if he's being tricked?" Lily was scanning around the window trying to see into the darkness surrounding Harry and his friends. "What if Voldemort is luring him in here."
"Then we're stuck," James pulled on his hair. "We couldn't reach Sirius or Remus, and those kids don't stand a chance by themselves."
Lily's premonition was right, and before the kids knew what was happening Death Eaters were coming out of the aisles. But James wasn't entirely correct. The kids did better than any of them thought possible for a little group of teenagers against a group of experienced Death Eaters.
But as they started to fall, just as the four friends knew they would eventually, the Order arrived.
"Thank Merlin," Lily folded her head into James' shoulder.
"Get him out of there Pads," James pulled Lily into him.
But Marlene knew he wouldn't. She could see it in his eyes. Sirius might have been fooling the Order, but she saw the haunted look in his eyes, the recklessness in his attacks, the way he threw himself in front of spells aimed at other members. It was as though she was back to watching him in the missions after she died. Sirius wasn't fighting like a man who wanted to outlive the fight.
And then it happened. Bellatrix fired the final blow and Sirius fell backward through an archway to nowhere.
An archway to here.
"Sirius!" Marlene jumped up and spun, desperately looking for any sign of him. "Sirius!"
Then she saw a figure move on the ground in the distance.
"Sirius!" She took off at a dead run, desperate to make it to him, afraid he might not actually be there.
"Sirius!" Finally, she made it to him as he pushed up from the floor, but she crashed into him and knocked him down again.
"Marlene?"
"Merlin, Sirius, I could kill you!" She gripped his shirt in her hands.
"Marlene?" He ran a hand under her chin to guide her face to look into his. "Merlin, Marlene, I never thought I'd see you again."
Then he crushed her into him, searing her with his kiss, and Marlene let the tears run. She cried for the happiness of having him with her again. She cried for the guilt she felt at being happy he was with her and not with their godson. She cried for relief that he wasn't a prisoner any more, that he was finally free.
"I swear Sirius if you leave me I will rip out all your glorious hair and burn it."
"Why in Merlin's name would I leave you." He gripped her tighter. "Losing you almost killed me Marls."
"I know," she wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "I watched."
"Watched?"
Then Marlene remembered Harry.
"Shite, I'll explain later we've got to make sure Remus got Harry out."
The color drained from Sirius' face and he swore.
Marlene pulled him to her window and their waiting friends.
"Is Harry out?" She asked as Sirius pulled her back into him.
Dorcas nodded, "Barely. Voldemort nearly killed him."
"Prongs," Sirius looked at his oldest friend. "Prongs, I'm so sorry..."
"Don't," James pulled him into a tight embrace. "I'm sorry too. None of this went how we hoped it would."
"Red," Sirius smiled at Lily as James released him.
"Oh, Sirius," Lily pulled him into her. "Thank you, thank you for helping my baby."
Sirius snorted, "Right lot of help I was."
"Sirius," Dorcas chided, "You were family to him."
"Doe!" Sirius pulled Dorcas into his hug with Lily. "Is everyone here? Fab and Gid? Benjy?"
"No," Marlene pulled Sirius back to her. "This is the in-between, the place where you get on a train and it takes you to what is really next. The rest have moved on."
Sirius frowned, "Then why are you all here?"
Dorcas beat Marlene to the answer.
"Your screams reached Marlene that night she was killed. Opened a window to the living world." She gestured to the window on the floor, currently showing the Order getting everyone out.
Marlene cut in then, explaining what had happened, what she'd told her family, Doe and the Potters showing up, trying to reach him, watching all the chaos play out in silence before them.
"I can't believe I never heard you," Sirius pulled her closer. "I mean, I hallucinated that you were there or that you were talking to me, but I never heard you trying to tell me to get to Harry."
"Well, now we know not to try it again," James pushed his hand into his hair. "I'm sorry, Marlene."
Marlene shook her head, "I wanted it to work too, James. We all wanted some way to feel like we were making a difference, helping somehow."
"I'm just glad the window is still here." Lily smiled sadly down at Harry. "When I saw Sirius fall, I thought the magic might break away and the window would fade. I'm grateful we can still watch over Harry."
"At least Rems is there," Sirius shook his head as Remus helped Dumbledore move Harry, "I hope he listens to me. He's been avoiding poor Tonks like the black death."
"Tonks?" Doe frowned. "Ted and Andy?"
"Dora," Sirius nodded to the Metamorphogas woman helping Hermione. "Their daughter. She's gone and fallen for the wolf. And Remus completely denies his feelings for her. I told him to pull his head out of his arse."
Marlene watched Doe's face fall. No one else seemed to notice as they laughed.
"It's about time!" James threw his arm over Sirius' shoulders and Marlene used it as an excuse to move to Dorcas.
"It's fine, Marly. I'm fine." Dorcas whispered.
"Ok, well, when you're not fine I'm here alright?"
Dorcas nodded and moved to the window, her eyes fixed on Dora Tonks.
"Hey," Sirius walked up behind her, snaking his arms around her waist. "You know it's terribly unfair you still look like we're twenty and I look like I've been drug through the Black Lake."
"I bet you don't have to," she turned around to link her arms behind his neck; his face really was haggard and his hair was starting to gray. "I mean my dad wanted a red carriage and changed it, we wanted all these seats. I bet you could decide to look like you're twenty again and you would."
"I might give that a try later," he pulled her closer, "Right now I want to be with you."
They picked a spot a way off, like Lily and James had done a bit after they'd first arrived. Marlene laughed when Sirius willed a small sofa, similar to the one they had in their flat, into this new spot.
Their spot.
And they let the world spin while they got lost in the conversations they had always meant to have, lost in the physical presence of each other, lost in them.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered after a moment that they'd been silent. "I'm sorry I didn't make it in time."
Marlene pulled him closer, "It wasn't your fault, none of this was your fault."
Sirius buried his face in her neck. "I've spent years telling myself otherwise. If you'd come with me to James' instead of going to your parents' safe house; if I had just been James' damned secret keeper; I made so many choices that ruined everything Marls."
"Sirius, even if we'd gone to James' and Lily's together my family still would have been killed. And honestly, your plan to be a decoy secret keeper was a good one, because when they did finally kill you, James and Lily and Harry would have been safe."
"You caught on to that, eh?"
Marlene chuckled and ran her nails across his scalp, "I caught on to you wanting to find a way out."
Sirius chuckled against her, a throaty sound that rumbled through her like thunder. Then he raised his head and Marlene felt her breath catch. Sirius was young once again.
"You always did know me best." He smirked.
Marlene pushed forward and kissed him, flooded by the memories of all the hope and happiness they had back then, back before it fell apart.
She didn't know how long they sat there, lost to everything else, when Lily finally called out to them.
"Can you pull yourself away from each other long enough to fill us in on what's going on down there? We've been guessing quite a bit lately."
Sirius chuckled and kissed Marlene once more before standing. "I suppose I've got eternity. Let's go, Marls, before Lily drags us by our ears."
His hand wrapped around hers and Marlene felt like she was breathing again; like she could finally move forward, move on to whatever was next. She'd wait until James and Lily and Dorcas were ready, but when they were, nothing would hold her back now.
"I was waiting to tell you how shameful it was that you got old," James laughed, "looks like you've remedied that now though."
Sirius shoved his arm, "Honestly, it should have been the two of you who got old, not me."
Marlene pulled Dorcas to her as Sirius laughed with the Potters.
"Still fine?"
"Maybe," Doe sighed. "It doesn't matter either way, Marly. Besides, it's been a really long time; I never told him. And he deserves to be happy."
"What about you?"
"I guess I'll see what my options are when we take the train." Doe looked out towards where Cedric's train had disappeared, then she moved closer to the rest of their group.
Before Marlene could try to pull Doe away again, Sirius began giving them an overview of what had happened since they'd all started watching the silent film of the world below them, along with naming the new people, like all the Weasley kids. Currently, the window was showing them Harry navigating his sixth year. Marlene and Sirius had missed a fair amount of it thus far, but from what Lily said, they hadn't missed too much, aside from the very concerning development of Harry knowing one of Snape's old signature spells and using it on the Malfoy boy, who was probably up to something concerning.
"So, Dumbledore didn't know how Voldemort managed to come back?" James asked as they watched Harry walk back to the common room after his detention with Snape.
Sirius shook his head, "Not that he'd share with the Order."
"Harry's been meeting with Dumbledore a lot this year," Lily said. "Maybe he's figured something out since you got here."
"I hope so," Sirius slipped his hand around Marlene's waist. "I'll be honest, the way Dumbledore's going about it this time around is frustrating."
Marlene went to ask him to elaborate but stopped as she watched Harry enter Gryffindor's common room. Apparently, Gryffindor's Quidditch team had won a match, at least the celebration suggested as such.
But that wasn't what had interrupted her train of thought.
No, the window showing Harry kissing Ginny Weasley was what had rendered her speechless.
"About bloody time," Sirius chuckled.
"Was this expected then?" James laughed.
"He's as oblivious as Remus was at that age." Sirius grinned at James, "But Ginny's about as determined as a Niffler in a jewelry shop. She'll be good for him."
Marlene smirked over at Lily, "Apparently, Potters are magnets for red hair."
Lily laughed and wrapped her arms around James' waist.
"Maybe we should give them some privacy? Go check in on someone else?"
"Probably for the best," Marlene chuckled and looked at Dorcas.
Dorcas gave her a sad smile and nodded. "How about Remus?"
Remus wasn't doing nearly as well as Harry was - looking worse than he did after any transformation as he spoke with Arthur and Molly - and Marlene prompted Sirius to give them someone else to move the window to.
"The Weasley twins were always good for a laugh," Sirius sighed and pulled Marlene closer. "Merlin, how have you four done this for sixteen years?"
"Poorly," Dorcas supplied as Marlene moved the window.
Fred and George were in their newly established shop, and the items they saw in the shop pushed the five friends into reminiscing about all the things that they did in school, and could have used from the twins' shop in their school days. It lightened everyone's mood and Marlene was glad to see Dorcas smiling again.
"Shall we see if we can catch Harry unawares?" She teased the Potters.
"There's not nearly as much fun in it when he doesn't know." James chuckled, "But we probably should make sure he's alright."
Marlene moved the window to Harry walking down one of Hogwarts' many corridors. Suddenly he ran into the divination professor and whatever she told him made Harry fume.
"Whatever it is, he's going to Dumbledore for it." Lily bit her lip. "What could she have told him?"
They weren't able to figure anything out, but Harry moved quickly from the office back to Gryffindor Tower. What was most concerning was him pressing a partial vial of Felix's Felics on Ginny, Ron, and Hermione before taking his invisibility cloak with him back to Dumbledore.
"I don't like this," Marlene turned into Sirius' chest. "This isn't going to end well."
"We don't know that," Sirius wrapped her protectively in his arms.
Dorcas agreed with Marlene though. "I can't watch again. I'm going to sit this out."
It didn't take long for Lily to turn into James' embrace as Harry and Dumbledore entered a cave.
Sirius pulled Marlene tight against him, and she tried not to imagine why he'd tense periodically. She was with Dorcas, she couldn't watch her godson fight for his life anymore. The baby she'd promised Lily and James she would love and protect was completely out of her reach, and the guilt was suffocating.
She knew it was bad when both Sirius and James started swearing and yelling at the window. She refused to look. She was waiting for them both to start yelling for Harry and then they'd all get on the train together and leave her damned window behind them forever.
But she felt Sirius' arms relax around her instead, though his heartbeat was frantic.
"They made it out?" She didn't dare look over at her window.
"They're in Hogsmeade now," Sirius kissed the top of her head.
Marlene looked up and saw Lily looking up from James' chest.
"Is it safe to come over now?" Dorcas called out.
"Looks like it Doe," James smiled over at her.
"Or not," Lily's voice trembled as she pointed to the window.
The Dark Mark was above the Astronomy Tower.
"Oh for the love of Merlin!" Marlene groaned.
"How did they get in?" Dorcas came to stand by her as they watched Harry and Dumbledore fly from Hogsmead to the tower.
"Harry's been fighting quite a bit with the Malfoy boy." James pulled Lily closer to him. "Maybe Voldemort had him let them in?"
"A child?" Marlene felt outrage building in her chest. "You think that Voldemort's recruited a child?!"
"Lucius was in charge at the attack in the Department of Mysteries," Sirius rubbed his hand along her arm. "Voldemort probably considers this punishment for his failure."
Marlene felt sick.
Things happened very quickly after that. Before Marlene had fully processed that Draco Malfoy was in fact a Death Eater, Snape killed Dumbledore. But none of them were able to process that as Harry went bolting after Snape, who after toying with him, was attacked by Buckbeak and driven off with the rest of the cowards.
"We didn't try to reach Dumbledore," Dorcas whispered as Ginny led Harry to the hospital wing.
Marlene shook her head, "Honestly, I'm glad we didn't. I might have tried to kill him again."
Sirius chuckled and kissed her temple. "I've missed you."
"I'm with Marlene," Lily sighed, "I don't like how he's handled anything since we died."
They didn't know what was said in the hospital wing, but at the end of it, Remus walked out with Tonks. Marlene glanced over at Dorcas who wore a sad smile. She determined to have the window keep following Harry, they'd find out more about Remus and Tonks eventually.
If going into the cave felt like a bad omen, Marlene felt everything she saw from that point forward was foreboding.
When the Order tried to sneak Harry out by making seven Harry's leave at once, she again felt like something awful was going to happen.
Marlene turned towards Sirius when Voldemort appeared, unable to watch. Lily's cries were torture enough without seeing it as well. Then Sirius tensed and Marlene was sure that she would hear them all calling for Harry, but instead, Sirius groaned.
"When I gave him my bike I didn't necessarily think he'd destroy it."
Marlene glanced up in time to catch James and Lily glaring at Sirius.
The window showed Sirius' bike in chunks, half-buried in lawn and dirt. Ted and Andromeda were carefully lifting Harry from the wreckage, his chest rising and falling.
"How does he keep surviving this?" She pushed her forehead back into Sirius' chest.
"I'm glad he was going to Andy," Sirius ran a tired hand over his face. "She was always good with healing charms."
It wasn't long before Harry was awake and he and Hagrid took their Portkey to the Burrow.
"Which twin is that?" Lily wiped at her eyes as the group gathered around one of the boys, his ear completely gone.
"George," Dorcas answered.
Marlene looked at Doe but Sirius spoke before she could say anything.
"I think you're right, they're more identical than Fab and Gid were, but I think that's George."
"It's George," Dorcas murmured quietly.
Marlene watched, trying very hard to determine which of the twins Dorcas was looking at to no avail. She'd need to try and pull her away at some point and ask when her friend had taken enough of an interest to be able to tell the Weasley twins apart, and why.
"Where's Moody?" James scanned the window. "He was there when they left."
It didn't take long to realize that Alastor Moody had fallen, especially as the group at the burrow raised glasses of firewhiskey together.
"They're falling like flies." Marlene closed her eyes. "Just like last time."
"At least that got sorted," Sirius gestured to Remus and Tonks, arms wrapped around each other.
"Yeah," Dorcas smiled and Marlene was surprised to see less of the sadness in her friend's face. "He needed someone."
Apparently, Dorcas was a better woman than herself, but Marlene had always suspected that. She would have probably gotten on the train and left if Sirius had found someone new. But Dorcas looked genuinely happy for Remus.
Marlene jumped the window forward a bit and stopped it when there was a wedding going on. Harry was disguised as a Weasley, and speaking with Elphias Dodge and Muriel Prewett. It wasn't long after the window had stopped on the wedding that Kingsley's lynx Patronus came running into the party. Suddenly there was chaos and Harry, Ron, and Hermione Apparated away, only to be attacked by Death Eaters again, and Apparate away to Grimmauld Place.
"Why there?" Sirius looked up at the white above them.
"It might be the only safe place they have." Lily fretted.
And it appeared it was. They spent quite a bit of time there and seemed very interested in Regulus' room.
"What in Merlin's name are they doing in there?" Sirius frowned.
"Marly, try getting closer to the paper that Harry's got." Lily knelt down to the window.
She squinted and then spoke aloud. "To the Dark Lord - I know I will be dead long before you read this, but I want you to know that it was I who discovered your secret. I have stolen the real Horcrux and intend to destroy it as soon as I can. I face death in the hope that when you meet your match, you will be mortal once more. - R.A.B."
Marlene gripped Sirius around the middle as he stared at Lily.
"Maybe he was meant to be in the lion's constellation after all," she looked up at Sirius, waiting for him to react.
"I need a minute," he stepped out of her embrace and moved to their sofa.
Marlene readjusted the window and nodded to her friends before going after Sirius.
She sat down next to him on the couch and placed her hand on his thigh.
"I thought he was a coward. I called him a coward, to his face, more time than I can count."
"Because what you saw was cowardly. He refused to stand up to your parents, he chose friends who supported Voldemort. He joined Voldemort, Sirius. He fired spells at you in more battle than I care to remember both before we were officially on opposite sides of the line and after. You had every right to think him cowardly."
"But he wasn't in the end."
"People can change love," Marlene scooted closer to him, "But changing doesn't negate their past behavior. If Regulus changed, then wonderful, but you had every right to fire shots back at him when he fired at you. If he chose to be better at the end, then great, but when you knew him he was a coward."
Sirius hung his head in his hands and leant over, resting his elbows on his knees. "I'm going to need time to absorb all this."
Marlene moved her fingernails to his back, running them against his t-shirt.
"That's alright, we've got eternity."
She moved her fingers in the old patterns that she'd used when they'd been alive. She wrote in script on his back. At that moment, she went for one of her favorites, Mine.
They sat there for a very long time, Marlene's nails drawing on Sirius' back for the majority of it before Sirius chose to speak.
"I never knew what you were writing."
Marlene smirked, "It was all the things I wanted you to do to me."
Sirius chuckled but didn't look up at her.
"You never struck me as a woman to give hints."
"I usually told you outright later," She felt her smile go wicked on her face.
"Hmm, so you were building up to it?"
"In a manner of speaking," She smirked and wrote with a flourish along his shoulder blades.
"What was that one?"
"Are you feeling less put out about Reg?"
He turned to look at her, dropping his hands from his face. "A little, I think you're right, if he changed, then good for him. But I'm here now, with you, and that's what really matters."
"Good," she ran her fingers up and down his back.
"The word, McKinnon."
She wrote it again on his back.
Sirius pushed up and boxed her against the sofa with his body.
Marlene pulled in her breath through her teeth as she smirked up at him.
"Was there something?"
Sirius brought his lips just close enough to tease her.
"I've missed this."
"Me too," Marlene pressed forward but Sirius pulled back.
"The word, McKinnon."
Slowly, she moved her lips closer to his and whispered, "Mine."
She barely caught sight of his smirk before his lips finally landed on hers.
"Forever," He murmured against her as his hands shifted her shirt out of the way to run his hands against her skin.
No one came to collect them this time, and that suited the couple; it wouldn't have been the first time they'd been caught in varying levels of undress, but as magic seemed to work without wands here, Marlene simply willed that her friends wouldn't notice them.
"We should get back," Sirius kissed her. "I can't imagine what Harry's going through has been pleasant to watch."
"You're right," Marlene sighed and pushed herself up. "It's been hard, watching for seventeen years."
"I'm glad you did. I'm glad it was you who I saw first."
"I was so scared it wouldn't work, that you'd not show up here, that you'd not want me with you anymore."
"You were always so dramatic," he kissed her. "I'm here, and I'm not ever letting go of you again. Come on, let's go see how things have gone for Harry."
Dorcas sat alone in her seat in their sitting area, James and Lily over in their own space away from the window.
"What happened?" Sirius looked down at Harry, Ron, and Hermione in a tent together.
"Nothing easily watched," Dorcas sighed. "They found a Horcrux with that toad woman from their fifth year and stole it from under her at the Ministry. Accidentally let Death Eaters into Grimmauld Place. Hermione happened to have a tent with her and they've been camping for a while. Harry ended up in Godric's Hollow, went to their graves," she nodded to where James and Lily sat together. "Then Voldemort's snake tricked Harry, nearly killed him - again. Hermione saved him. Harry and Ron were led to a pond by someone who has Lily's Patronus, where they found the Sword of Gryffindor, and then they destroyed the locket." She glanced over at the window. "Now they're sitting again. But we need a break. I can't believe we've made it this far. We should have left a long time ago."
Marlene sat next to Doe, "I'm sorry, you can go forward. I didn't mean to torture any of us."
Dorcas reached out and took Marlene's hand. "I won't move on without the rest of you. We've been together here nearly eighteen years. But I think we need a break, Lily, James and me. This is too much."
"You got it," Marlene gave her hand a squeeze before moving to the window and Sirius.
"Why don't you check on James and Lily?" She looked critically down at her godson looking at the Marauders Map. "I'm going to experiment with this."
"You sure you'll be alright? You couldn't watch the cave, and honestly, I'm glad you didn't." Sirius pulled her back into him. "It's bound to get worse now."
Marlene smiled up at him. "I've got you again, a lot of my fight is back."
Sirius chuckled, "Alright, but don't kill yourself for this. Dorcas has a point, I think we're getting to the point where we need to move on. We can't do anything for him, and watching is driving us all mad. The dead are meant to be separated from the living."
"I think you're right. Go check on the Potters, I'm going to try and get the window to do what I say."
Sirius kissed her, "I have full faith in you, you're incredibly persuasive when you want to be." He murmured against her.
Marlene watched Sirius move to his brother and then sat next to the window.
"Alright, you, I made you and so you're going to do what I want."
Dorcas' chuckle behind her bolstered Marlene's confidence. She concentrated and the window started moving quickly, emphasizing what was happening to Harry, but almost skimming through everything else. Marlene watched as Harry and his friends went through horrors, but since Harry was making it out of each situation alive, she didn't actually see what was happening. It was leaving a lot of questions, but it was saving her sanity, and Marlene decided that was a worthwhile trade.
"Wotcher, McKinnon," Sirius walked up, James and Lily behind him.
"I think I've managed to figure out how to make this work for us so that we don't need to watch every awful thing."
"What if you miss something happening to Harry?" Dorcas came up behind her.
"I told the window not to. It slows down for me if Harry is in mortal danger, but only enough to see if he gets out alright. I can't tell you anything that's happened to him, but I know he's still alive."
"Where are they now?" Lily watched the window speed through the living world.
"That looks like the Hogs Head," Sirius answered.
The window raced further ahead and then the trio was in Hogwarts and Sirius gripped her arm. "Slow down, I just saw Remus and Tonks."
Reluctantly, Marlene brought the window back to its regular speed to find the entire Order was in the castle.
"You said you could have the window slow down when Harry was in mortal danger." James watched the castle prepare for what Marlene could only assume would be an all-out battle. "Can you have it do that for others too? I'd like to know if anything happens to Remus."
"And Tonks," Sirius added.
"And the Weasley's," Doe pointed to where four of the Weasley boys were gathered together.
"And Hermione," Lily finished.
Marlene concentrated with all her might as she looked at the window.
"Anyone else?" Her head was starting to hurt as she willed the window to follow this new set of instructions.
"That should be enough, love." Sirius' hand moved to massage her neck. "Don't hurt yourself trying to make it happen."
"I think it's done," she leant into him and closed her eyes for a moment. "Shall I speed it up so we don't need to watch whatever awfulness is coming?"
"Please," Lily nodded and Marlene sighed in relief as she sped them forward.
The window slowed and then came to an abrupt stop as a wall exploded and the five watched helplessly as one of the Weasley twins last lifeless on the floor.
"Fred!" Dorcas whispered.
Marlene jumped up. How Doe knew it was Fred didn't matter as much as taking care of Molly's boy the way Molly had been looking after Harry for them.
"Fred Weasley!" She yelled.
"Fred!" Sirius moved next to her. "Fred it's Sirius!"
"Sirius?"
"Come this way, Fred!"
And then they saw him, stumbling his way to where they stood.
"Sirius? What happened? What's going on?"
"We're dead, mate," Sirius put his hand on Fred's shoulder.
"But, no, but, George, he, I…"
"Fred," Marlene tried to soothe him, "Fred it's going to be alright. Come sit down and we can explain."
Fred looked wildly around him and Sirius took a firm grasp of his arm. "Let's calm you down, then we can talk about what's next."
"Let me," Dorcas gently took Fred's other arm.
Sirius still held firm as they walked Fred over to the sitting area a little bit away from the window. Dorcas willed Fred a chair next to hers and sat him down in it.
"I'll explain it to him," she promised, "You two go make sure James and Lily aren't alone if the worst happens."
Sirius looked torn for a moment but Marlene knew where they needed to be.
"Fred, this is Dorcas Meadows, a friend of Sirius and Remus. Sirius will be just there if you need him." She motioned to where James and Lily still watched.
Fred still looked in shock, but Marlene knew Dorcas could handle it, and she led Sirius back to the window.
Just in time to see it slowing again.
"No," She whispered as it stopped over Remus, and he fell.
"Remus!" James yelled, and the four of them spun for signs of him.
"Remus!" Sirius called out, "Moony!"
"James? Sirius?" Remus' voice echoed.
"We're here too, Remus!" Lily called.
And finally, they saw him.
James bolted, running straight for Remus, Sirius right behind him.
Marlene gripped Lily's hand as the three friends collided and clung to each other.
"That has been a long time coming," Lily wiped away a tear.
"Yes, it has." Marlene smiled at how relieved they all looked to finally be reunited.
After a few moments, the boys made it back to them and Marlene gladly joined in the hug Remus pulled her and Lily into.
"Merlin, you have no idea how good it feels to see the two of you again."
Marlene went to respond in kind when she noticed the window slowing again.
"Shite." She breathed as she turned away from Remus in time to watch Bellatrix strike down Tonks.
"Rems call Dora!" Sirius was looking at the window.
"What?" Remus looked lost.
Sirius shoved him aside. "Tonks! Tonks! It's Sirius! Remus is here! Tonks!"
Remus finally noticed the window on the floor showing this wife's lifeless body.
"Dora!"
"Remus!" Tonks came running at him and jumped into his arms.
Marlene glanced over at Dorcas, but she was still focused on Fred Weasley, one hand rubbing up and down his back while the other still held his arm. She was speaking quietly, and while Fred still looked shocked, he didn't look like a flight risk anymore.
"What's going on?" Tonks looked around.
"We've died, dearest cousin." Sirius teased.
Tonk's eyes went wide and she gripped Remus' arm.
"Teddy! Remus, what is he going to do without us?"
Remus pulled her into him, "Don't worry, Dora, your mum is with him, and they're safe. Our son will be safe."
"Son?" James took his arm and looked like he could burst. "Son?"
Remus managed to look bashful but nodded, "Our son."
"We can make sure he's alright," Marlene looked down at the speeding images of the battle raging on at the castle and its grounds before making eye contact with Lily. "I think it'll pull us back if anything happens."
"I trust you, Marly," Lily squeezed her hand. "Your window hasn't failed us yet."
"Yeah, just driven us mad," Marlene chuckled grimly as she willed the window to show them Teddy.
Remus and Tonks' son slept soundly in his crib, Andromeda reading in a chair next to his crib.
"I can't hear anything," Tonks frowned.
"We can't hear anything; we can only see what's happening." Marlene smiled at the little baby. He looked a great deal like Remus, but his facial structure showed Tonks' influence rather prominently.
"I used to do this with Harry, Lily," Marlene turned to her. "When things were bad down there, before Voldemort got to you, I would move the window and watch Harry being little and adorable. Helped me stay sane."
Lily hugged her and went to respond, but then she was pulled out of Marlene's arms and through the window, along with James, Remus, and…
"Sirius!" Marlene jumped for him but even as he reached for her, he slipped through to the living world.
Marlene panicked and flung the window from Teddy to Harry, and to her relief she found everyone gathered around him.
That boy was going to kill her.
"Did you find them?" Dorcas was at her side, gripping her hand as Fred stood behind her.
"Yes," Marlene hugged Dorcas tight and tried to let the panic ease out of her. "But Harry has got to quit doing that!"
"They'll come back, right?" Tonks' voice was small and Marlene pulled her into the hug that she was giving Dorcas.
"They did last time." Doe nodded.
And as if Doe's response was the foreshadowing, the four friends were sliding back through the window to them.
"He'll be here soon," Sirius pulled Marlene into him. "He's going to let Voldemort have him."
"No!" Fred pushed against the window. "That's what we're all fighting to keep from happening!"
"It's alright, Fred," James held Lily against him. "Harry knows what he's doing."
"Why?" Marlene spoke quietly to Sirius.
"I've no idea, but he's made up his mind. He's going to be here with us and then we're going to get on that train Marls and leave your damned window behind us forever."
Marlene leant into Sirius and sighed as she watched Harry walk through the forest to Voldemort. She'd hidden for so much of the horrors that Harry had lived through, Marlene was determined to watch for him this time, just as she had at the beginning.
Voldemort's wand leveled at Harry, and she watched as Harry closed his eyes and the curse hit him square in the chest.
He fell hard against the ground.
"Harry!" Lily called out, not the panicked yelling that they'd all had for everyone else that was in their company. No, Lily called for her son like he'd been out playing in the garden and it was time to come in for lunch.
"Son!" James called in a similar fashion. "Harry, we're here. Let's go, son."
They waited, and nothing happened.
"Harry!" Sirius' voice held more urgency. "Mate, come this way!"
"Harry!" Remus' tone carried his worry as he pulled Tonks into him.
Marlene let go of Sirius and moved to the window, getting as close as she could as Narcissa Malfoy checked to ensure that Harry was dead.
She saw his lips move.
"He's not dead!" She gasped.
"But, but, but we just watched Voldemort kill him!" Fred objected.
"He's not dead!" She turned to look at Lily and James. "He's not dead!" She was laughing now, tears welling in her eyes. "Merlin, you two have made an invincible kid! He's not dead!"
"But that would mean," Dorcas looked as Hagrid picked up Harry's body, "Could Harry have been a Horcrux?"
"I have no idea," Marlene laughed as she threw herself into Sirius' arms. "But he's not dead!"
"Yes, love," Sirius laughed as he wiped at the tears that had escaped, "You've established that."
Marlene laughed and turned to the window as it picked up speed again, racing so quickly that none of them had to be exposed to the horrors unfolding.
"Slow it down, love," Sirius pulled her flush against him, and reluctantly, Marlene braced herself and slowed the window enough that they could see more of what was happening.
It was carnage, and Marlene had lost sight of Harry. She fought the panic and willed the window to show him to her, and it jumped forward to Harry throwing off the invisibility cloak in the Great Hall and facing off with Voldemort once more.
"This is it, isn't it?" Fred looked down at the window.
Dorcas took his arm and nodded, "I think so."
Her godson fired at the same time as Voldemort and to their great astonishment, Voldemort's wand shot out of his hands and into Harry's, sending its curse back at its caster.
And Voldemort fell.
"Well, I'll be damned," James smiled, "My boy did it."
The Death Eaters started dispersing just as soon as the reality sunk in that their leader had fallen. And Marlene sighed as the living began embracing each other.
"I think it's time," she smiled up at Sirius.
He leant down and kissed her, slow and sweet, like they had eternity. "Me too."
"What do you say, James? Lily?" Sirius turned to them. "Shall we see what next great adventure awaits us?"
James looked down at Lily, "Are you ready?"
Lily nodded, "He's going to be fine now. Let's go see where that train goes."
"Rems?" James asked.
"I don't know what train you're talking about, but Dora and I are ready to move on. Teddy will be fine now. Harry and Andromeda will see to it."
Tonks gave a sad smile, "I think I'd go mad watching Teddy grow and not being able to be there."
"Doe?" Marlene smiled.
"I'm coming," she nodded.
"Where are we going?" Fred's eyes had gone wide and he held a little tighter to Dorcas' arm.
"Who knows?" Sirius laughed.
"Really, Padfoot, give the poor kid a break." Remus chuckled.
"Oh, do you know where we're going Moony?"
Fred's mouth dropped. "Wait… Padfoot? Moony?" He looked at James, "Prongs? Or Wormtail?"
"Prongs," James ruffled his hair.
Marlene chuckled, "You have the esteemed honor of being in the presence of the Marauders, Fred."
"Holy shite," his mouth dropped even further open.
"You look like a fish," Doe laughed. "Come on, I'm sure there will be time for stories on the train."
Marlene closed her eyes, willing the train to appear, and smiled when she heard the sound of steam erupt behind her.
"Shall we?"
They climbed up into their carriage all one large compartment, and the couples all took their seats.
"You forgot to close the window," Lily frowned.
Marlene turned and looked at her window, her view into the living world. It had seemed so important then, but sitting with Sirius' arms wrapped around her, and knowing that Harry was finally safe and free to live his life, it wasn't what she needed anymore.
She willed the window to close and watched it disappear back into the floor.
The train lurched forward and gained speed, the blinding white light approaching them faster and faster.
"Marls," Sirius whispered against her ear. Marlene smiled and turned her face up, capturing his lips with hers as the train pushed forward into the light and disappeared.
#blackinnonweek2021#blackinnon#sirius black x marlene mckinnon#sirius x marlene#jily#remadora#sirius black#marlene mckinnon#james potter#lily evans#dorcas meadowes#remus lupin#fred weasley#angst#angst with happy ending#marauders#marauders era#harry potter fanfiction#romance
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whumptober time
I’ve always been a joiner, so following in @volturialice & @flowerslut’s footsteps (and holy hell, those ladies are bringing it), I figured I’d toss my hat in the ring. Not sure if I’ll get many done, but I can only try! And what better way to try that to start with a spontaneous MCU crossover.
Day 08: Where Did Everybody Go?
“Don’t Say Goodbye” | Abandoned | Isolation
Rating: T for swearing
Words: 2,482
Summary: Twilight X MCU crossover. The Snap doesn’t just kill humans. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
Notes: Takes place a couple of weeks after the Eclipse Battle/ at the end of Infinity War. Yup, now Twilight happens in 2018. I should just call this ‘Jar of Hearts’ but that feels a big grisly. Ideally, I’ll be writing three more parts to this for Whumptober or for Jalice Week (depending on prompts).
It was a normal night for them. There was nothing to indicate anything was wrong. The boys had gone hunting together, deep into the Olympic Ranges for predators.
If he had to remember one thing about that hunt, it was how … pleasant it was. They’d all caught what they had hoped for (with a helpful map from Alice). There were no disagreements, no mood-swings, no storming off for hours. And with brothers like his, to avoid all three of those things was a fucking miracle.
When he looks back, he tries to work out when it started. They were running back, mud-splattered and bloody; for once, they weren’t so late they couldn’t clean up before school.
It’s Edward first - just ahead of him to the left. Eddie leaps over a fallen tree and he … stumbles, only just keeping his balance.
“Jasper!”
He’s laughing at Edward’s stumble - perfect balance and all that - but Jasper isn’t. In fact, both Edward and Jasper have this look of increasing horror on their faces, and it’s only when Jasper grabs Edward and Jasper’s hand goes through Edward’s shoulder because Edward is turning into dust and that is not fucking right.
“Emmett.”
He’s never heard Edward sound so much like the seventeen year old boy he was, and he reaches for his oldest - and his youngest - brother, but by the time his hands are grasping out for Edward’s, Edward is gone. There’s nothing left of him, no clothes or cellphone or bones or hair or anything. It’s not even proper ash, but dust that mingles with the dirt on the ground, and there’s nothing. Nothing. He might as well have never been there.
He’s not entirely sure if he’s feeling his own horror, his own terror, and grief, or if Jasper is projecting. Neither of them know what to do, to scoop what is left of Edward into their pockets, and flee home or to get help or to… what.
But then Jasper is running again, and he follows, desperation streaming off Jasper so strongly that Emmett can almost feel his own dead heart pounding.
Is it disease? Are there vampires diseases?
It can’t be age, Jasper and Carlisle are older, the Denali girls older still…
His phone trills in his pocket but he keeps running and Jasper keeps running, and they aren’t getting there fast enough.
Jasper keeps running until he crumples into dust, his golden eyes wide, and the one word on his lips lost as he disintegrates.
Alice.
He backs away from Jasper’s resting place, like the dust is contagious - and maybe it is - maybe whatever happened to Edward spread to Jasper when he touched him.
Instead, he runs. He tears through the forest, a soundless rhythm in his head Rosie-Rosie-Rosie-Rosie and the kind of swirling, twisting worry like human nausea in his stomach as he bursts through trees and underbrush.
He’s ten miles out when he hears the screaming.
It doesn’t stop as he somehow moves faster, and bursts through the property line, to the backdoor of the house, which he half rips off the frame as he charges into the house.
The screaming - the wailing - is Alice, on her hands and knees in the sitting room. There’s dust on her face and hands, and she’s not all there, her eyes wide and glassy, as she rocks back and forth.
There’s a weight in his stomach, one that gets heavier every second Rosalie doesn’t appear, that Esme isn’t trying to calm Alice. Instead, he skids to a stop and drops to his knees in front of her, tugging her into his arms, pointedly ignoring the dust that sticks to his jeans, that he sends floating up into the air.
This is an Alice he doesn’t know, just like he knows a Rose that no one else does. The one that Jasper has alluded to, once or twice, in confidence. That it might have always looked like Alice was the one piecing Jasper back together, pulling him along in her grand plans, but it was never as simple or easy as that. Jasper held her together, she put him together. A balancing act.
Just the way that people assumed that he was the one that healed Rosalie of all her demons, when in truth he was just there, letting her know that whatever ‘okay’ looked like for Rosalie was for her - and only her - to decide. And that he’s always been the luckiest son of a bitch in existence to be apart of her version of ‘okay’.
Rose would have lost it with Alice by now. There’s no way Rosalie would have tolerated this level of noise.
Rose isn’t coming.
He holds his sister tight, and mutters reassurances in her hair. They stay like that for awhile until Alice just lets out a sob, and looks up at him, blinking slowly.
“He said he’d never leave me,” she says in a wobbly voice. “He promised me.”
“It wasn’t by choice,” Emmett rushes to tell her. “You were his last thought; he tried so hard to get home before he…”
Alice wipes her eyes, but she still doesn’t look like Alice. She looks lost and breakable, and she sits back, noticing the pile of dust they’re both sitting amongst.
“She… she was so mad,” Alice babbles suddenly, grabbing his hand. “If anyone could have stopped it, could have reversed it by… by sheer will, it was Rosalie, Em. She didn’t go alone, I had her.”
He’s sitting amongst his wife’s… ashes-dust-remains. It’s on his hands and legs and face, and he can see it clinging to Alice’s hair, and he kind of wants to match her wailing because there has never been an Emmett without a Rosalie, not in any history that counts, and without Rose, he has no plan, no direction, no purpose. The world has tilted off its axis, and he wants to go and bury his face in her clothes upstairs, clothes that smell like roses-lemons-cars until the tearing feeling in his chest just stops.
“Esme came running,” Alice continued, staring off into space. “She didn’t make it down the stairs. She didn’t even notice until she was practically gone.”
They sit in silence for a moment, or maybe longer, until the day has begun. The sky has lightened, and they are still alone in a quiet house. No radio, no conversation, no bickering, nothing.
“Did you see this?” he asks finally, and feels cruel asking.
“No.” She sniffles, and he thinks how cruel it was to take Jasper and leave Alice. “It happened so fast; I saw Edward when Rose started to…” She took a deep breath. “I felt Jasper go.” She shudders and there’s a hitch in her breath, and he really doesn’t want her to start crying again.
“We should call Carlisle,” he says, and she nods but pauses.
“Call his phone, not the hospital. No one will answer,” she whispers, but there’s a look in her eyes he doesn’t like and he doesn’t want to ask, either…
“I can’t see him answering, Em,” she whispers.
He takes a deep breath and dials the number.
It rings.
It keeps ringing.
“Hello?”
It’s a nervous sounding woman’s voice, and for a moment, he can’t find the words.
“I don’t know whose phone this is,” the woman continues, her voice shaking.
“It’s Emmett Cullen. I need to speak to my father - Dr Carlisle Cullen,” he manages, but Alice is already shaking her head.
“Emmett, it’s Nurse Fletcher,” and he has no idea who that is, truly. “Your father… he’s gone, Emmett.” The woman sounds traumatised, and he understands. “Half the hospital just… disappeared, there was nothing anyone could have done…”
He throws his phone against the wall, and it smashes through the drywall as it shatters, and Esme’s not even here to yell at him.
—
Somehow, Alice gets him to his feet, and drags him into Forks. Something about people coming looking for them and they need to go to the school, where everyone who is still here is gathering. They’re both covered in the dust of their family (Edward and Rose, mostly, and he wonders if bringing Alice a handful of her husband’s remains would have been the right thing to do. They’d left Esme where she fell, a waterfall of dirt on the stairs.)
There aren’t many people at the school when they arrive, and people are staring. He gets it; Alice looks like she just crawled out of an empty grave (Rose’s; Rose sticking to her face and hair and hands and knees…) and he’s splattered with mud and probably blood that he didn’t think to clean up before they left but together they are a suitably haunted, stricken pair of siblings.
A couple of Bella’s friends are at the impromptu gathering; the Hispanic girl is clinging to a man who has to be her father, fresh tear tracks on her face. A blonde girl is sitting with a blanket around her, almost bisected perfectly down her body with the dust of someone - a classmate, a family member, a passerby. Just dozens of people standing around, confused and grieving.
But Alice stops when she sees one figure, stooped and already exhausted.
Charlie Swan catches her in a hug as she approaches him a little faster than she should, and he wants to pull her back because now parts of Rosalie are sticking to Charlie’s clothes and from the look on Charlie’s face and on Alice’s, the dust on Charlie belonged to Bella.
He wants to chuckle, at the picture of Rose’s face if she was told her ashes would be mixed up with Bella’s forever now, or at least until Charlie does some laundry.
“She was in bed, sleeping,” Charlie says. “I thought it was a prank, at first.” His eyes are shiny and he takes a shuddering breath and looks closer at the pair of them. “Who…”
Alice seems to shrink into herself, and just shakes her head. “It’s just me and Emmett now,” she mutters. “Jasper’s gone and Rosalie’s gone, and Esme and Carlisle and Edward and now Bella.” There’s a tinge of hysteria to her words, and Emmett pulls his sister closer because he doesn’t want what’s left of Forks to watch if he has to try and calm her down from another round of hysteria.
“It’ll be okay,” he manages. “We’ll call Denali and see how Tanya’s doing. Cousins,” he offers to Charlie, who looks relieved. “We’ll check in on a few people,” he continues, hoping to distract Alice, who keeps repeating their names under her breath. “Peter and Charlotte, Maria, Garrett, Randall…”
“Good. You kids can stay with me while you track down some family if you need to,” Charlie offers but Alice manages to pull herself together.
“No, we’ll be fine,” she assures him. “Emmett’s old enough and … we’ll be fine. We just need to know what happened.”
“We don’t know much yet, but as soon as I do, I’ll call,” Charlie promises. “I’ll put your names on the … Survivors list, you two go on home and take a shower, make sure you’ve got enough food and gas in the car. And you call if you need anything.”
“Carlisle’s phone,” he says immediately. “Nurse Fletcher at the hospital has it, but we … can’t go there.”
Charlie seems to understand by totally misunderstanding why they can’t go to the hospital and promises to see what he can do.
And then there’s nothing else for them to do but go home. Go home and wash off the dust, and scoop what’s left into Esme’s vases (urns, now). Alice folds their dirty clothes and puts them in a box without a word, and he watches her collect dust from the trim on the coffee table, from the gaps between the floorboards, with a tiny paintbrush so that every grain of his beautiful wife is collected.
Then he takes her to where Jasper fell and she doesn’t say anything. There’s no way to tell what dust and dirt is Jasper and what is the forest, and there’s nothing here for her to gather in her hands and hold tight. They sit for awhile, just staring at the spot.
“If Maria survived, it’s going to be bad,” she manages as the light begins to fade. “And if the Volturi…”
They walk home at a human pace, and they both start to notice things that they missed before; the stillness of the forest, suddenly amiss half its animals. The sparseness of the trees, of the ground. As they make it home, the day sinking into night, he notices half of Esme’s gardens just gone, as if waiting for someone to plant them fresh, when they were in full bloom less than a day ago.
There’s a small figure waiting on the back porch, in dirty denim cut-offs. He looks smaller than last time they saw him, only weeks ago.
Seth Clearwater swallows hard when he sees them, and they can tell by the look on his face that whatever, whoever is left on the Res, it certainly isn’t his family and friends, and Emmett is overwhelmingly sad for the kid that had to come to his natural enemies for safe haven.
“The pack,” Seth begins. “It’s only me, and Colin, and Brady left. And at home, it’s only me.”
Alice moves too fast, and pulls him into a tight hug, and Seth hugs her back, despite the stench.
“I figured you might know something about what’s happened,” Seth continues, and he’s trying so hard not to cry, he’s giving Emmett a headache. “I left Colin and Brady back to protect the Res, and came to find help.”
He wants so badly to promise this kid it’s going to fine, that they’ll find a Tardis, a time-turner, a fucking goddess of time and rewind everything to stop this from happening but his wife is nothing but dirt, and his sister looks like a broken marionette, and there’s a wolf pup looking so desperate and hopeful that the words die on his tongue.
Alice smiles at him, kindly, for for a second she looks like herself. That lost, glassy look she’s worn all day has faded back inside her, and he hopes it stays there.
“Come in, Seth,” she says, and motions that they both follow her in through the door he broke that morning. “I think we’ve got food.”
Emmett takes off his boots before he goes inside (just like Esme always nagged for him to and he never remembered), and he wonders if the others are up there, laughing their asses off that the House of Cullen has crumbled and all that’s left is a broken psychic, an underage shapeshifter, and the guy with his wife in a jar.
He thinks it might even be funny to someone.
#will tag tomorrow so tired#my writing: jar of hearts#my fic: jar of hearts#just killing off as many characters as i can#it was super fun#perfect balance doesn't always look perfect especially in small communities and in minorities#imagine the absolute riot maria and/or the volturi would start if 50-60% of their primary food source just vanished
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Oh I read one of your dark sonamy prompts a while ago where Amy dies and it leads to a future where Sonic turns bad. Is it possible you could continue that prompt by showing Sonic's decent into madness upon realizing Amy's gone?
So I have Amy die a few times lololol but let’s see, I think you mean this one (x) and not this one (x) where it’s implied she and the rest of Sonic’s friends have died. Ya’ll and your angst feels needs So anyway, this should be fun! :D
(The original artist x is @strawberryminto, please support her!)
It’s time for NOOOOOPPPEEEE
Prompt:
In the future that had been changed... in order to understand the demented tragedy of the downfall of a hero’s peak... we must first traverse the universe back to before Silver’s interference...
Back to when...
She couldn’t be saved.
T-MINUS 50 SECONDS
“Sonic! Stop!”
Amy’s cries echo the underground cavern walls as the radioactive magma continued to boil. He could feel the heat on his face as he kept going, never daring to give up on a friend.
“Grr…!!!” He continued to pull on them, homing attack to maybe shred a bit of resistance, but the sparks only gave off a faint struggle against him. Nothing was working, and Sonic began to see Amy’s hopeless demeanor, the wear in her eyes, and his mind began to wonder what awful setup they put her through to capture her.
So what if Eggman was being mind-controlled?! He would deal with that bozo once Amy was okay.
‘And she would be okay... she had to be okay...’
He was so lost in his thoughts as he tried to keep calm, but it was clear from his hurried efforts and sweat from the heat that this wouldn’t be enough... He stopped only a moment to stare down at her, panting before gritting his teeth.
She was helpless... chained and beaten down into this cage...
“Sonic...” she had seen his gaze, “Sonic, it’s not gonna budge!” she urged him to save himself, but he couldn’t even fathom that.
His mind was stuck on each bruise that showed through where the quills weren’t able to hide... his fur grew blacker in blinks as he kept thinking of each hit that must have worn her out to this pitiful state... her eyes... so full of something he still couldn’t quite grasp.
35
She could barely look over at the counter, taking her beautiful, longing eyes off of him to see her doom ahead... 25…24…23…
‘No... No!’ he banged against the cage again, ‘Don’t give up, Amy. It’s me, Sonic! I won’t let you-!’ he couldn’t even think of the possibility of failing her, but with each sound of the timer, he turned more aggressive and animistic to try and get her out.
All those robots he happily trumped over, thinking it would be just a typical adventure, another walk through memory lane...
Then he saw it, with a double-take, her eyes...
Began to cry.
“Sonic!” she lunged forward with what looked like the last of her strength, gripping the cage as though this was her last chance to get through to him.
His eyes must have frightened her, but he wasn’t aware of how his fur was shifting so frequently between dark blue and his normal shade...
He slumped against the cage, realizing her faith in him that he thought would never cease had finally given way... and he couldn’t stop staring at her. At the girl who was letting this happen..!!!
‘Without the Chaos Emeralds… I-...’ Sonic knew the situation was desperate now, Amy couldn’t save herself and he didn’t have the power to break the cage open. This wasn’t a game... this-!
“…Sonic…” Captured by her look, he was frozen a moment in it. Was this... love?
As though as carefully as a fairy, she gently slid her fingers through the small slits between the cage... but the clanking of the chain paused her from being able to fully reach him. Her bracelets blocked the rest of her hand from being able to squeeze through, but she was reaching for him... And he wanted so desperately to take away that fear and longing in her eyes.
‘I’ll hold you.’ He told himself, but couldn’t move. She slowly lifted the hand up the cage to place it in front of his eye and slide it down to cup his cheek. ‘I’ll make sure to dry your tears, you have nothing to fear... why can’t I say this? Why can’t I-?!’
“I can’t let you die in vain.” In defiance of his denial, she suddenly pushed his face away. “Sonic! Sonic, you need to live! You need to free Eggman! Save and preserve this world from that man’s mind control! And Sonic… Oh, Sonic…”
‘Amy..!!!’ he shoved his face back into the cage, trying to get as close to her as he could, gripping the bars up, as though believing his normal strength could keep them up by him...
As though a tender goodbye... Amy took one last, courageous breath.
Something in him broke.
“Always remember… I loved you more than life itself.”
His eyes widened, as though her hammer had swung and broken every fragile belief of happy endings he had ever conceived in his mind.
Like shattered planes of glass all lined up together, and having the swinging hammer rotate and smash through them all in slow-motion... the dawning of what was about to happened began to sink in.
‘No... NOOOO..!!!!’ his eyes widened, ‘Amy!!!’ he couldn’t speak, his throat felt constricted and his chest tightened.
His form burst with his emotional state, fully converting him as he was about to grab her and if the cage went down... so would the captain and his ship, so to speak.
A true Romeo... as the mind-controlling man had said.
However, Juliet was more than worth it.
He’d have rather died with her that day than live in the reality that was yet to come...
But arms flung over him, gripping him back into life but not into any comfort.
“No.. No!!” he finally found a voice when he heard the counter begin to fall to the single digit numbers. He tried to throw the hands off, not even hearing what they were saying or noticing who they were as he watched the last of Amy’s hope... her sigh of relief that he was able to live, and her continual crying at knowing she couldn’t come with him.
Then, as though an even greater blow to his heart, she withdrew to the back of the cage, making sure that even if he broke free and returned to her side... he’d still be unable to reach her.
She breathed heavier... knowing what was to come before ducking her head in her clinging arms to the bars, and crooking her neck to shut her eyes at the next, hopefully painless second.
“AMMMYY!!!”
She suddenly shoved herself against the cage, as finally the dark chaos power blasted even more, seeing that not only was she seeing this as the end, making it even more impossible for him to keep trying to save her, but also making the outcome happen that much faster.
She was giving him no hope, and that wasn’t Amy... it wasn’t like her!
5....
“AMYYY!!!” Sonic’s darkness began to spread out like a pulsing aura, almost freeing him to die alongside her but then a powerful blow slammed into the back of his neck.
Seeing the blackness consuming his eyes... Something hoisting him up and forcing him away from a decision he had already made... he heard the last strands of his heart give way.
The image of Amy... falling slowly off the edge of the radioactive magma pool below the underground cavern...
3….2…..1….
He heard no explosion. In fact, the first thing he saw when he awoke was Tails and Knuckles standing over him. “Ugh...” He clutched his head, feeling a massive headache... and something else... what else was there?
“A…Amy?” he looked around, but...
In a wild spin, he was up with the weightlessness of the wind like a tornado, spiraling to land on his feet and panicking, called for her again. “Amy? Amy!? AMMYY!!!”
“SONIC!!!”
Sonic turned around.
Tails had been knocked down along with Knuckles, but Knuckles got up first and helped Tails to his feet next.
They both looked so sorrowful... so afraid.
Sonic slowly turned his eyes to them, focusing on their expressions.
“Where is she?”
They remained silent, breathing as quietly as they could as though not sure what to say first.
Knuckles turned his head away, “Sonic... We couldn’t...”
“She... Oh, Amy!” Tails covered his eyes, unable to control his emotions and began crying profusely, sobbing loudly.
Knuckles kept a hand on Tails’s shoulder, but looked off behind him, standing upright with his head towards Angel Island. “There was nothing we could do... We... We have to stop Eggman...” Knuckles was unaware of the mind-control situation, but his shoulders bounced and his voice cracked as it was clear he was starting to sincerely cry as well.
Even he couldn’t remain strong in this mess.
Sonic’s face seemed to break, his anger was replaced with an empty look of horror as he stumbled quickly over to a tree, using it to hold himself upright. “No...” his mind raced back to her expression, longing for him to save her, losing the faith that he could... “Amy...” He gripped the eye that she had skimmed, then grabbed his quills in his anguish and tugged on them, causing physical pain to himself.
“NOOOO!!!!!!” His form shifted to black fur, his eyes bursting white. “SHE CAN’T BE GONE. I’LL SAVE HER.”
Tails and Knuckles slightly looked passed their own heartbroken states to look towards him, having heard of that form before but never truly seeing it.
He slammed his fists repeatedly into the ground, causing it to crumble away as he rose a bit in the air with each powerful hit, as though his power was so immense in his fury and grief that at one point, his fist couldn’t reach the falling ground beneath him.
He was going to let himself fall, but Knuckles flew out and grabbed him, pulling him back. “We didn’t save you to make her sacrifice be in vain!” Knuckles knew he had to get Sonic together, even if he wasn’t himself. He landed and shook him up as Sonic’s eyes returned to him and his fur turned a darker blue.
“Let’s just take down that guy and find a way to get the Chaos Emeralds! I’m sure-! I’m sure there’s a way to-!” Tails got up too, bundling his fists but then losing hope and falling back to his knees again, “I failed too... I failed her!” he began crying again.
Through the efforts of Knuckles, Tails and Sonic were able to compile themselves enough to get back up and fight another day...
However... When Sonic and the Mind-controller were alone... Sonic shifted and held the Mind-controller over his own experimental, chemically enhanced magma fuel by his throat.
As he struggled, Dark Sonic’s eyes remained expressionless, before speaking the unthinkable. “I’d like to find out... if there’s a way someone could survive your concoction.”
The man’s eyes shrunk in fear, “You wouldn’t do that... you’re a hero!”
“...Once.”
Sonic never took his eyes off his released hand. He heard the cry and the shrieks from being melted down almost instantly, but his hand remained up and loosened... He didn’t even look down... but lowered his hand and waited to see if even the creator of this death could save himself.
When Tails came in with the Eggman machine to cool the magma from never hurting anyone else, Sonic walked along it, looking for any sign of life.
They all spoke: Eggman, Knuckles, and Tails while Sonic tuned them out, searching for anything...
There was a piece of magma that looked like gold was melted... two blotches... and his knees fell when he realized... Her bracelets...
He breathed hard, as though something was constricting his chest and trying to stop his heart.
“Sonic?” Tails turned to see his panic attack, and quickly called Knuckles to help him.
Sonic was pulled away from the spot,... and thankfully... Tails and Knuckles didn’t see what had triggered him.
Sonic, in his depression and after the attack, was so drained of life that he slept for 3 days straight... Waking up in Vanilla and Cream’s home, he wouldn’t eat anything, and wouldn’t even smile to Cream...
To avoid being rude, he told Cream he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and patted her head as he walked out.
Wandering through the forest, he ignored the constant calls from Tails, asking him when he was ready to go hunt down the Mind-controller, seeing as he was no where to be found...
But Sonic had a different mission.
Eggman’s paranoia caused him to start right away on the elite, defensive robots and base improvements, but he wouldn’t be able to move fast enough...
While Sonic walked towards Eggman’s base, his expression dead-set on a dark revenge... he suddenly stopped as something like a screeching tire cracked in his ear and mentally paused everything he was doing.
His weary eye turned to the forest trees... seeing faint mirages of a red dress, hearing familiar giggling that would blur and sweep from his eyes like flickers off of water.
“Amy..?” He was almost in a dream-like state, trying to follow the imaginary sounds of laughter and fleeting sight of the dress spinning out of view as though his eyes couldn’t catch it in time.
He kept following it, growing in speed as he didn’t realize his whole being had turned blood dark black... and his eye sockets as glowing white as the moon...
He came upon a city as the voice suddenly cried out in pain.
“AMY!?” he cried out, rushing into the city as the car’s lights seemed to flash and blind him in his hysteria.
He felt so desperate... “I’m... I’m lonely.” he thought that might pull her out from hiding, the flickers of her intensified and lead him into traffic, as he spun around in circles trying to catch her... his head turning which way and westward in a hope to spot her.
“Why are you playing around with me like this!? Stop it!” he sent a blast of dark chaos power towards a building, people who once were in awe at spotting him so far into the public were suddenly shrieking out in fright.
As the large building collapsed, Sonic flung around to it, shocked by the fires that started from it. “Amy... I knew I didn’t fail you...” He saw her through the fires, and almost like a zombie, began to walk towards them. “I knew... I knew you’d make it out safely...” He stumbled into the fires, grunting out at the pain of their heat but kept crawling through them, the smoke making out her figure with the flickers of red and white from her dress...
“Save me!” her voice seemed to cry out in his mind as he reached for her. “Sonic, I’m scared! Come find me!”
“I am... I’m right here...” He was slowly succumbing to the lack of oxygen before a crane lowered down and scooped him out of the flames. He went limp in the construction machine’s grasp.
His weary, delusional gaze looked down to see Amy in the cage, smiling up at him. She outstretched her arms.
“...I miss you...” He cried, fainting then in the clasp of the machine...
He slept for several more days, but that wasn’t the last time he destroyed something... soon it was cities, as though Amy’s image was playing hide and seek with him. He never noticed the thousands of people frightfully fleeing him, only the flames that seemed to hold her image in them.
He became obsessed with destruction, for it was only in those flames that he thought he could see her again, and would try to pull her out or even join her in them.
Tails finally suggested maybe the Chaos Emeralds, hoping to stop Sonic’s rising pyromaniac tendencies and self-suicidal attempts by walking in the flames...
However, Knuckles stated that without a body... it was impossible.
But this didn’t stop Sonic... he brought back Chaos... threatening him to revive Amy which was not something a God of Destruction could do... and obliterated Chaos...
In terror at what Sonic had done, Knuckles tried to stop him, and was caught up in Sonic’s insanity and destroyed.
On his way to Eggman, Tails tried to reason with him and plea for his friend back... but when he mentioned that there was nothing that could be done about Amy, and to let her go, and that this image he kept following after wasn’t her... he was destroyed along the path to Eggman.
Shadow was harshly wounded when he finally stood face to face with Sonic, but by then, Sonic had already destroyed Eggman’s base... him inside it... cowering at how far-gone Sonic had become.
“You’re a murderer!” Shadow cried out, gripping his half-blasted arm that had flesh starting to show due to its damages... and half his stomach’s side was badly injured from just the battle alone.
Sonic was fully unable to speak now, his darkness having taken over all assets of himself.
“You refuse to believe she’s gone forever... You destroyed Chaos after finding out that without a body to channel his power through, it was pointless to try and bring back a soul through any other means!” Shadow gripped his other, healthier fist... unable to use Chaos powers anymore due to Chaos’s absence, the Chaos Emeralds and Master Emerald were useless in trying to stop Sonic now!
“You refuse to let her go, so you destroy the rest of the world with her!? You don’t think I know what that’s like?!” He rose back onto his feet, as Sonic’s ghostly black form watched him... no expression.
“She saved me once... I know she can’t be here to save you, but her words may... I must fulfill my promise... my debt to her. She saved me from becoming you!” he summoned all his strength, “I know that people fight over the most trivial things. Some people may be selfish,... But they're basically good. If they try their best and never give up on their wishes... They always have a reason to be happy. That's why you should help them out... Saving them is a good thing!” He repeated her words to him.
Dark Sonic’s eyes turned to a imaginary flicker of Amy’s dress... and as he turned to pursue it... Shadow spoke and stopped him again.
“You look for her... don’t you?”
He tilted his head down.
“You can’t make out reality anymore... I look for Maria too.” He closed his eyes, feeling the pain of admitting that. “But I know she can’t be returned to me. I know that Amy would be mortified to see what you’ve become! You forsook your own friends!” he swiped out his hand, falling back to a knee in his injuries. “Ugh... hah... hah... you won’t destroy me... I’m the Ultimate Lifeform... but ... you came pretty close.” he retreated, dashing away as Sonic turned to a new voice...
“I need your help.” The false Amy peeked as though a blur out from a tree, his entire world like a sketchy blur of jagged lines. “Hehe~ Sonic..! Where are you..?”
He began to walk towards the ghost of his memories... sending a fire in their wake.
#dark sonamy#sonamy#sonic au#sonic prompt#sonamy prompt#dark sonamy prompt#sonic au prompt#dark sonic
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Unsaid Words and Unsung Hurts
Read in AO3 | FFNET
Sansa had a problem.
Sitting across her arch nemesis - her assignment and trying not to stare so obviously, Sansa felt her stomach flutter and scowled.
She was not supposed to feel those annoying fluttering’s. It had been going on for decades now, and she wanted no part in it.
Being a demon of hell, one of Lucifer’s generals, technically, meant that she had no time or place for dwelling on feelings, good or otherwise. Lucifer, or Ramsay, as he’d taken to calling himself these days, had named Sansa the demon of hatred and that meant she didn’t have feelings of the sweet and fluttery kind.
Sansa slumped in her chair, ignoring the angel’s look of admonishment at her posture. His own back was ram rod straight, but somehow conveying relaxation as he slowly and methodically consumed a chocolate truffle.
“Angel,” she sighed. “Any adventures you’re going to get up to, today?”
“It’s called good deeds, Sansa,” he told her, somehow not sounding condescending. He sounded gentle and stern. As he always did. It did terrible things to Sansa’s stomach, must be the ulcers making it flutter.
Right.
Sansa sighed again, quieter this time. She would leave in a moment, she thought while staring at Cor’s lovely blue-gray eyes and punishing herself. She would leave. Just...until Cor finished eating. It would be rude otherwise.
.
.
Sansa hadn’t meant to fall, is the thing.
She hadn’t been Sansa then, but with a different, more angelic name. Working under the lovely angel Raphael and being compassionate. What an angel of compassion was supposed to do, Sansa always wondered.
Raphael had encouraged her to make more friends and Sansa had agreed. Free will wasn’t quite a thing, merely a concept that Father had brought up in the weekly meetings and whatever Raphael ordered, she would always do.
So she roamed around, looking for friends. Groups of angels congregating, was still the description, because that’s what friends did? Sansa hadn’t been sure then.
She’d joined the first group of angels congregating and talked to them.
They were nice, Samael and nir friends. They welcomed her readily with bright smiles and heady laughter. Too bright she would realize later. Too sharp edges carefully hidden away from the newbie.
She hung around them because they always made her feel welcome and Sansa adored them for listening to her questions and her confusion about compassion.
“What is compassion?” she would ask the archangels.
“It is concern for misfortune,” Father told her when all her siblings couldn’t answer.
“What is misfortune?” she asked Samael, because even then, Sansa had tact not to ask God that.
“It is the absence of God,” Samael’s friend would answer.
How can there be an absence of God, when God was everywhere? She wondered then.
After being cast out simply for being with her friends at the wrong time and place, Sansa understood. There can be an absence of God, for God had abandoned her.
.
.
Sansa’s best work, so far in Eos, was traffic jams.
No matter how hard city planning worked to keep the cars moving fast, Sansa always managed an inconvenience that made people curse and work up a temper, damning their souls.
Once, she’d short circuited connections in all the banks in the entire world, causing a drop in the market. The amount of chaotic fury she’d felt that day made her laugh, even as guilt shimmered in her stomach.
Cor had looked at her and sighed that day and Sansa had wanted to cry. If demons could cry.
Sansa still caused tempers to go high, hatred to go up, simply because she existed in their general vicinity. She tried to tamp it down just to enjoy a bit of light reading, but inevitably, there would be an argument by someone or the other and she would have to leave to work off the excess energy.
Cor helped, simply because, as angel, he radiated such immense goodness that they balanced each other out.
That was what Cor had told her when he’d hunted her down in Accordo during the executions and her mere arrival in the city had incited the mobs to tear apart their king limb from limb with their bare hands.
She’d wept with relief when he left her, but still stayed in her general area. She had watched that King die and felt his fear, his hatred and wanted to vomit. She never wanted it to happen again.
Cor helped. Maybe that’s why her stomach started those strange convulsions and fluttering’s.
.
.
The Fall started, not with anger, as the bible like to say, but with a question.
Samael asked, “Why should we care for these lesser creatures? Look at all their imperfections!”
God talked and Samael argued. Angels and archangels gathered around and Sansa hovered near her friends, confused, frightened. Because Samael’s white wings were changing. The symbol of his soul, his very existence, was changing.
After that very blasphemous debate, God cast out Samael and ripped nir’s name away.
Sansa’s Fall was not quite so dramatic, just quieter.
Raphael, always doting on Sansa, had tried to tug her away. But she’d stayed. Confused but loyal, she’d stayed.
“My friends,” she said, tugging at the hand Raphael had on her.
Raphael had eyed her wings and gasped in horror.
“Then you have betrayed us all as well,” her dearest mentor whispered in grief.
The gates of Heaven opened and the command entered the Psyche of all the angels. To toss out the betrayers.
Without concept of free will, siblings turned on siblings and obeyed. Raphael as well, despite nir’s reluctance.
Sansa was one of the last, and all heard her scream out in despair, “Father! I don’t understand!”
Her scream followed her as she fell through the ether and into the depths of despair. God had indeed abandoned them.
.
.
Cor liked to visit the orphanages in the city since his mentor, the Archangel Michael had taught him to guard the children.
Sansa, of course, had followed him around for good deeds to thwart at first. Then, it turned out, it was exceedingly difficult to thwart that good deed. How was Sansa supposed to subvert children? Children had malleable souls, true, but that also meant that they had their own guardians and Cor himself being there…
Sansa should have deemed it a lost cause. Except.
Except…
Sometimes, when Sansa had no sins planned that day, she would watch Cor playing with the children and ached.
.
.
All of the Fallen woke at differing intervals, wings trembling and limbs malformed.
Sansa herself had found she had deformed jaws to make way for her newly large teeth. Like a wolf. Her own beautiful white wings had burned on the way down, the color turning into burning ember, flames of her anger licking the feathers, a fire that never died.
It hurt.
All of it hurt, all of their souls did. A change that happened like that, no matter how sturdy their very beings were, still ached. They were beings of perfection, formed without blemish. They were not made for changes. Their very psyche rebelled against it.
There was also the absence of their Father to contend with. For the first time in millennia, they were without him.
There was a great cry that rose up then, a great weeping.
Sansa stood up and howled her agony, her pain and her rage.
Everyone followed with their own screams, and perhaps it was because of that howl that none of the Fallen succumb to their despair.
Lucifer stood in the ashes of Samael and Sansa looked to him as did everyone, because while his wings were black, his eyes still shone with the light of creation. He, among all of them, had Light. Perhaps he led them to their downfall, but he also shone with the familiarity of home.
.
.
Sansa had a guilty secret from the forces of hell.
She loved to sew, to embroider.
Runes of protection, runes of love. Not Enochian, because no human made cloth could hold that majestic language, but the old Language of Solheim. It was enough to warm the cloth for winter and Sansa would drop it in strategic places where the homeless slept.
Sansa didn’t really care about the homeless, she just needed somewhere to dump old projects. She hated clutter and her apartment had very little space.
Cor was not to know.
Sansa sewed and did it without heaven or hell knowing.
.
Sansa and Cor had ‘dates’.
Well, Cor called it Equilibrium Meetings, to balance out Sansa’s aura. Sansa called it dates in her mind, because she loved to torture herself.
Cor sat across her and read a book and Sansa muttered irritably about Cor’s book. If he was reading, he wasn’t looking at her and she couldn’t see his lovely eyes. An irritated Cor would have eyes that flashed with his anger and divine light. It made his already lovely features breathtaking.
Then…
“What are you reading?” Sansa said, her usual question during the start of the meetings.
“Wolves, and how to take care of them,” Cor said in his lovely voice.
Sansa felt her metaphorical ruff stand up. Her more wolf-like features were hidden under carefully sewn glamours, but she and the wolf were one, he never went away.
“Are you thinking of getting a pet?” Sansa asked despite herself.
Cor looked at her, just a second of his attention, but Sansa felt it. “I don’t think you’d like it if I did,” Cor said.
Was he implying…? Sansa did not know what he was implying, but it was probably nothing good.
“’Wolves are cunning and extremely intelligent’,” Cor suddenly said, reading from the book. “’Some wolf hybrids are docile but most and all wolves are stronger, smarter and more independent than dogs.’” He snorted. “Smart indeed.”
Sansa, who had relaxed listening to his lovely voice, bristled again. “Are you implying that wolves are dumb?” she demanded.
He smiled, that quicksilver flash of humor that vanished quickly. “So dumb.”
Sansa raised her nose into the air in offense, turning away from him. Her stomach fluttered like mad when she heard him laugh.
Sansa felt her insides melt.
.
.
Lucifer was their rock in the strange new world they’d found themselves in, but soon, his very presence turned Sansa’s stomach.
She hated the sight of his eyes, for they reminded her of Father and the complete and utter absence of him.
“There is a new world that Father has created,” Sansa told Lucifer eventually, when she could no longer bear the sight of him. “I wish to corrupt it.”
Lucifer smiled. “Of course, my dear. I thought you would volunteer for it, your hatred still burns in you.”
He referred, of course, to the flames that danced in Sansa’s deep red wings.
Sansa climbed out of hell and met Cor.
That he didn’t immediately draw his sword was perhaps due to his mercy.
But Sansa was all out of mercy and attacked him immediately in rage.
.
.
Jeyne was, perhaps, Sansa’s only true friend.
That she was a wolf-child, borne of Sansa’s blood when she bled for the first time, was irrelevant. The child immediately decided to be Sansa’s friend.
A millennia of companionship and Jeyne had ideas about Cor.
“How was your date?” Jeyne asked.
Sansa harrumphed. “It was not a date, as I keep telling you. It is to mitigate my aura.”
Jeyne rolled her eyes. “Excuses. Did you enjoy yourself at least?”
Sansa couldn’t help the blush. Jeyne cackled and Sansa strategically retreated to her room. Sansa would own to being a coward and she had no shame in retreating.
.
In one of Sansa’s once a week schedule for chaos, she caused a shortage of coffee and switched what was available to decaf.
This time, the outcry made her laugh until tears dripped from her eyes.
“Inspired,” she giggled. “Their outrage.”
Cor landed outside of Sansa’s balcony and she would swear she didn’t squeak.
“Angel!” she exclaimed. “Hi.”
He leveled an unimpressed look at her. “I was drinking coffee. Sansa. I was enjoying my coffee.”
She giggled. “Perhaps it is time for you to switch to tea? I have some lovely chocolate tea you can try. May I tempt you with some?”
He softened, winching back his wings. “Alright. It better be good. I liked that coffee.”
She served him tea with a smile and he smiled back. The fluttering’s increased.
Oh no.
.
.
Cor talked her down from her anger.
It took ages and ages before she would show him her back and even then it made the hairs at the back of her neck prickle.
It was worth it though, because for the first time, someone preened Sansa’s wings.
She would never trust anyone in hell with her wings and her wolf-child didn’t know the first thing about wings. Cor, angel and tentatively trusted, knew to work the down into her feathers and to pluck the ones that needed loosing.
She settled into a puddle of contented demon on his lap and felt Cor turn stiff.
Immediately, Sansa launched herself away from him.
She had made him uncomfortable.
She thought.
She thought he didn’t mind her mouthful of fangs. Of the extra ribs that made her lungs bigger and more suitable for howling.
He minded. By the look in his face, he minded very much.
After that, Sansa never allowed Cor to touch more than her wings. If her body made him uncomfortable, then she would just hide her body from him.
.
.
During one of their not-dates, as Jeyne had taken to calling it, Cor held her hand.
Sansa was so stiff, he could have shattered her if he pushed her over.
“Cor, what are you doing?” she asked quietly.
Equally quietly, he said, “I’m holding your hand.”
Sansa took in a breath. Held it. Let it out through shuddering lungs.
“Alright,” she whispered.
“Shall I let go?” he asked.
Her grip tightened. “No, it’s alright.”
“It’s alright,” he agreed.
.
.
For a decade, Sansa ran away from Cor.
After that disastrous preening, Sansa ran and didn’t look back.
She caused several disasters without looking and hid away from Cor for a decade.
It took a few more years before she would trust him again and he touched her gently, almost achingly gently.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“I’m sorry,” she replied.
She didn’t know what he was apologizing for, but Sansa was sorry.
Sorry for falling, and sorry for making him uncomfortable.
Cor’s eyes burned with the light of creation and Sansa just hurt.
.
.
When Cor locked the window, Sansa was suspicious.
When Cor sat her down and asked, “May I kiss you,” Sansa wanted to run. So that’s why he locked the window. But there was still the door.
“Sansa,” he said, tugging at her hand, held loosely in his large one, where she can escape if she really wanted. “Centuries ago, during that first preening,” he said, finally talking about that moment, where he turned away from her in disgust.
Sansa turned stiff and tensed, ready to launch herself out of the window and damn the glass.
“No wait, listen,” he pleaded. “I haven’t. I wanted to touch you for ages, long before you fell and when I saw you again, I thought I was dreaming.”
“You’re serious?” she said through numb lips.
“I’ve loved you since you were following around Raphael in heaven!” he exclaimed. “Of course I don’t mind your extra additions, your teeth are lovely now too!”
Sansa wasn’t sure what size her eyes were, but she was sure they were wide. “I thought. We, heaven that is, were sure that you and the rest of the Fallen were dead. Then I saw you climb out of that hole and I was so happy, I could have cried,” he said. “You were still you, but you were different. I loved you still, and I wanted to know you again.”
“You were stiff,” she said. Sansa doesn’t know how she keeps talking.
“Because you were adorable and I wanted to hug you!” he said seriously. “I had to hold back. And then you ran away. For ten years!”
Sansa just. Blinked at him in surprise.
“So, may I kiss you?” he asked.
May I kiss you? Sansa thought incredulously. Is he serious????
Sansa climbed into his lap and carefully kissed him.
And Cor. Cor, battle angel and Michael’s right hand man, melted.
#fanfiction#SanCor#Sansa stark#cor leonis#ffxv#asoiaf#crossover#angels and demons#au#angst#prepare for tissues#ffxvxasoiaf
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Justice's Ally
so one of my mutuals characters will be in the next installment the wonderful @w-h-4-t s Harel and she is a HUGE part of this piece since this is very heavily based off of the dialog that she and I ran back and forth for this so thank you lethalan you are amazing
Okay my lovelies here is safe for work recap so that you will be up to speed.
Tara has a terrible dream in which she is chased through a twilight forest. This forest is filled with massive dark crystal formations and trees that seem to stretch up out of sight. She is hunted and attacked by something that resembles the Dread Wolf. After she wakes terrified and half awake she loses the iron control she always keeps. We find out why, she has a spirit bound to her, Cullen reacts badly to this news saying she is an abomination and runs from her.
Tara is left with no choice in order to ensure her own safety she flees Skyhold. She is fleeing for the arbor wilds knowing that she can evade capture there and figure out what in the world she is going to do now.
Now on to the regularly scheduled angst
Dorian had decided that he wanted to read "Draconica the study of Dragon kin." He picked this up rather than the two before it in the stack. "Knowing us we are going to have to fight some scaly monstrosity soon." A small note fell from the pages in the dawn light, and Dorian caught it. His eyes scanned it quickly it was in Tara's precise script. He felt his heart tear at the terse words, "oh no, isa'ma'lan." He felt the outrage rising in him a bitter flame, that bastard ran her off! Dorian stormed toward the tower, people clearing out of his way quickly.
Dorian slammed the door open, and Cullen started violently halfway pulling his blade free. Dorian flicked his hand and all of the doors to the tower locked. "You, bastard if you hurt her so help me," Cullen stood rigid his eyes locked on the younger man. Dorians temper flared " SHE WAS YOUR LOVER, AND MY SISTER!!! THE ONLY FAMILY TO EVER LOVE!" Cullen cut him off his voice harsh and hurt "she is an ABOMINATION!" Dorians face grew dangerous as he looked at the ex templar "HOW DARE YOU!" his hands began to smoke faintly as he clenched them.
Cullen's face contorted in apprehension "You cant even control yourself." He let out a pained breath "maybe Meredith was right, maybe you are all abominations waiting to happen. Cullen looked tired and sad as if he didn't want to believe what he said. Dorians keen eyes caught the doubt in Cullen, he worked to calm the fury and outrage in his heart.
"She has always been like that, you ignorant bastard! She is a miracle not a MONSTER!" Cullen slammed his hands on the desk making things jump crazily. "MAGES its always MAGES WHY you blasted mages keep using me." Cullen's eyes welled with tears of grief, and he gritted his teeth hands shaking on his desk. "USE YOU?! she left to save you!" Dorian waved his hand "ah you are impossible, she was born like that she didn't change your eyes did." Cullen looked up frustration and hurt flashing in his amber eyes, "your glib tongue do you no favors mage!" Dorians hands rested on his hips, "shut up, just shut up and listen to yourself. This is Tara, our Tara, you're calling an abomination you washed up chantry fanatic! You want to call her monster, mage killer? We all have things that we would rather others not know. But Tara is.... SHES DONE EVERYTHING TO MAKE SURE SHE NEVER FALLS INTO A HOLE LIKE THAT BUT YOU you have..."
Cullen scoffed at the mage "you didn't see her, you cannot tell me my eyes have changed." Dorian scoffed right back "let me guess... she woke up screaming and fell out of the bed. And then hmm let me guess a blue light formed from her skin and her eyes glowed blue white." Cullen's eyes widened in surprise "who do you think holds her after those awful nightmares when you aren't around golden boy? My greatest regret is that she'd sacrifice her stupid selfless beautiful soul for an ignorant bastard like you. My beloved sister ran because she knew you would be forced to kill her, TO KILL HER FOR YOUR DAMNED HONOR. She didn't want to put YOU through that not for the sake of her own life! Knowing her she'd let you kill her," at this Cullen's face paled visibly "I see that I am right the damned fool, offered her life in payment, typical." Cullen growled "Enough!" slamming his hand on the desk again in pure emotion. "How HOW am I to look at her.... when all I see is that THING, HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL!"
Dorian looked at the torn man, "you feel as though she lied to you and used you. We cannot change the fact that Tara didn't tell you of her nature. However we must look at the intent, Commander. Not everything is this rigid black and white you blasted Andrastian's love so much. I will never know the pain you feel right this minute, but I do know that we are missing someone integral in our lives. Someone who has just run to maker knows where to save us." He sniffed in distress " its just like her, isn't it? She loves us so much.... that she would do anything for us....even... at the expense of herself." She would run to her death but she knows, she knows that it would break you to put her down. So she shattered everything she has instead for you. I know the courts Cullen, I know peoples faces from years of living in that snake pit and yours is all too easy to read. You think her cruel for hiding, and terrifying for the albatross. You cannot simply pull all of that love out, you idiot. All those restless nights, up at all hours researching Lyrium addiction and treatments. Her every waking moment, spent looking after your shattering body and mind." Dorian sighed heavily "do you have any idea how many times I had to peel her off her desk because she had passed out there? She is painfully selfless, and in your ignorance and fear you close your heart to her.
In Tevinter she would be accepted she would even be admired for what she is. She is a rare person, a true spirit born, a person who dies but a spirit breathes there own life into to bring back. But here? here she would be killed without question, simply for existing."
"She tried not to love you, the fool, but she simply couldn't help herself. Every day that woman puts up a Fucking WALL, EVERY DAY. And the moment she lets it down you prove her right and tear out her heart. And yet she left for YOU to save you the pain of her death. She would rather you despise her than grieve her. She probably wishes she were truly dead right now."
Cullen's voice was weak and pained "....magic.. exists to..."
"If you finish that sentence, Templar I will have no mercy for you" Dorian snarled. "Don't you dare quote scripture at me, I know spirits, I know those things you call demons. And Tarasyl'nin is not one. Don't. You. Dare. All that wonderful woman has done has been to SERVE others, she asks for nothing in return EVER. You are not out there by her side in battle, she will throw herself in front of anything to protect the innocent. Now tell me Templar is that the actions of an Abomination?"
"STOP IT she lied to me," Cullen barked in response but his heart was wavering desperate to believe. "She lied to protect you, because she adores you. You know our Tara can be a bit abrasive but when she loves, she loves hard. She would do anything for the people she cares for. Why cant you see that? just put the armor and the scripture away for a moment. Take a step back, its Tara, she never truly hid from you, Cullen she only wanted to be loved" Dorians voice hitched on the word loved. "She just wants what all of us want to be loved, for who we are. She tried so hard not to love you, to stay away from you but she couldn't help it. So she tried to protect you to let you think she was...normal. She wanted to protect you from her, HER of all people. The person who would throw herself to her knees and, let you kill her if you thought that was right." Dorians eyes filled with tears and he wiped them away viscously "she knew... the moment that you found out that you would kill her or she would have to run. She made plans to make sure you could never find her." Dorians chest hitched painfully " and now I have lost the only family that loves me." He looked at Cullen sullenly "I wish she had never met you, I tried to warn her damn you."
A heavy silence fell over the pair each lingering in the grief that filled the room like choking smoke. At last Cullen let out a sigh and massaged his forehead, "what is the dem-...the spirit like?"
Dorians eyes widened in astonishment "Pardon?" Cullen let out a slow breath " the spirit, what does it do? or think...or what?" Dorian eyed him warily "you...you actually wish to know?" Cullen looked up at the ceiling "I... rifts are tearing apart the world, A magister god has appeared and I have just learned the woman I love is part spirit. The world cannot get any more mad, perhaps instead of resisting like I have always done.... I... suppose its time to... learn. to get accustomed to this. Besides " Cullen looked down with reddened eyes "I cannot bear to lose the only good thing in my life after so much horror."
Dorian watches Cullen, his eyes discerning and shrewd, "as you wish Commander. Tara told me that she was still born this can happen with twins. Her mother begged the gods for help to save her daughter. Apparently a spirit heard her instead, and a blue white shape wrapped itself around the still child. In that moment she cried out but her eyes glowed faintly blue. The spirit is tethered to her it is all that keeps her alive, it is not so much a voice in her mind as hmm her subconscious. It influences her but cannot control her actions. However it is protective of her much as you beloved hounds are. It will appear in times of great stress and danger, it is the spirits power that she uses in battle. Her power is limited and focused because it is the spirits strength. It inspires her and at the same time, it grates on her taxing her. Think of it as ice melting in water except the ice is melting very very slowly. Its a part of her that is slowly blending into her. She is a living bridge to the fade and all that lies beyond.
Cullen let out an apprehensive breath "what spirit is it?" his hands clenched painfully on the wood. Dorian watched this impassively "It is a strong willed but impartial spirit... Justice... you templars know its darker form I know vengeance. As I recall that fool of a man Anders was possessed by one like it. However the difference is, Tara made no deal she has always been like this. She has grown in the shadow of this burden, she is not some foolhardy apprentice looking for power. She would rather destroy herself, than let the spirit corrupt her, as I fear she may now."
Cullen's eyes fly wide and he pales visibly "makers breath....we have to find her! The inquisition! the.. the... Tara.. she is out there!! Alone!" Cullen franticly tried to gather things, seemingly without direction. Dorian chuckled faintly at the man, "you are proposing that we attempt to find a Dalish woman, in the forest, with a head start no less?" Cullen whirled looking frantic " what other choice do we have? If we send a raven, it will not know where to find her! We... there has to be some way, makers breath if only she had a phylactery." Dorian cut him off "you honestly want to talk about that horrid practice after every thing we just discussed?" "The Inquisition needs her! Cullen interjected and Dorian scowled " never suggest a phylactery again.”
Now thankfully I have already sent out two expert trackers." "Some of Leliana's people?" Dorian waved a manicured hand at the question "Oh void no, people that can sense spirits much better than your Templars or soldiers ever could." "Cullen swallowed heavily "we have to get her back post haste." Dorians eyes glimmered in response "ha, look at you just a moment ago you were screaming bloody murder and now, he has become a knight again, Good show!" His eyes became level in a moment "I need to know that she will be safe, before I even consider letting them TRY to bring her back."
Cullen hung his head and responded "I will not harm her, of that you have my word....I....I just want her to return for the inquisitions sake. Dorian cleared his throat pointedly "....and for mine." "Lets hope Harel and Cole can find her then, I do not wish to live without my sister. Cullen's emotions crowded his mind "and.... I don't want to..." Dorian sighed dramatically "by the black Devine's breeches, you Ferelden men cant take even a little emotion."
#cullavellan#cullen rutherford#dorian pavus#tarasyl'nin#lavellan#justice's ally#part two#tara's backstory#dorian is mad#dragon age inquisition#dragon age#fan fiction#my oc stuff#more angst#justice arc
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