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yunahosk · 3 years

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limerence | yan zhongli x reader

ai ai ai, i’ve never tried writing before so this is a first (and ofc i picked zhongli to seduce him to come home), if all goes well possibly i’ll do another!

apologies for poor english and grammar, i speak dutch, im trying hehe.

warnings: blood, violence, mentions of public death/ exec*tion, mentions of death, stabbing (in leg and arm), obsessive tendencies, forced relationship, yandere content

please let me know if i missed anything!

limerence: the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person

“Thank you for providing me your kindness, Mr. Zhongli.” You smiled, letting your hands slowly wrap around the porcelain cup adorned with designs of gold. It seemed to fit the man’s mysterious aura: truly lavish.

After an encounter, more so a dilemma with a small village in Liyue which left you seconds away from your inevitable fate of hanging by a rope. To be fair, sure, possibly you shouldn’t have accidentally set fire to half the village. But having a pyro vision has its downsides too, no?

Although it left you questioning why it seemed he had such an impact on the small village, all the mattered is that you still sat in flesh and bone and not six feet under.

Truly, he was a kind man, even inviting you into his abode for a cup of tea and a residence for the meantime. You were an adventurer from Fontaine, traveling to all the seven nations in search of, well nothing. Armed with only a pyro vision and a spear you were determined to travel the world. Liyue Harbor was just one of your many stops, and to your delight it was truly a fascinating and astonishingly beautiful place.

“Ah, there’s no need for formalities. I do think we are well acquainted by now.” He hummed, observing how you lifted the cup to your lips, your eyes widening as the scorching substance hit your tongue. You quickly placed the porcelain cup down, a light laugh emerging from your lips as a smile soon followed.

“Really, I don’t know how I could ever repay you.” Resting your finger tips upon the cup and frowning as you stared at the liquid in deep thought.

“I’d give you my life if I could.” You laughed, furrowing your eyebrows with a sigh.

“We could arrange for that.” Your eyes widened, staring down at the cup of tea with a dumbfounded expression. Quickly composing yourself, a laugh quickly arose from your mouth, though sounding more panicked than natural.

“Ah, I didn’t imagine you’d be a man of comedy.” You chuckled, cocking your head to the side and letting your hand fall from the cup down to your waist, toying with the pyro vision by your side. Sure, you weren’t in danger, just force of habit.

“I’m afraid I do not understand.” There go the wide eyes once again.

“Oh- your comment, before?” You looked up, now gripping the red orb by your side as more of a safety precaution than anything, worry seeping through your bones but that stupid voice in your head told you Mr. Zhongli couldn’t hurt a fly. Tension rose in your throat, watching as his amber orbs slowly gaze over your expression.

“Ah, I see.” A wave of relief washed over your body. Social cues truly aren’t just his thing. We all have our quirks though, no?

��You don't take my word?” He hummed, furrowing his eyebrows. The 10 seconds of relief now came crashing down, setting you back to your state of panic.

“I do believe it is a fair trade. On my part, saving your life from harm and death and as for your part, giving me yourself in return.” He wasn’t joking.

“I’m sorry, but you’ve got to be mistaken. We had no such agreement before this!” You raised your voice, listening as a hum of what seemed to be displeasure released from his mouth. He lifted his hand, bringing it to his chin as if in thought. “I do value fairness greatly.”

“You’re out of your mind, no part of this is fair! There was no mention of such a thing?” He seemed to be confused, taking in your words.

“Ah, you seem to misunderstand. I simply intend to establish a marriage. To bind you to my side, for eternity that is.” Well, now it was your turn to be confused. “Marriage? Goodness gracious, we met, what? Two days ago? My apologies Mr. Zhongli, but in no way do I intend to marry you. I haven’t a clue what you speak about.” You stated, rising from your seat and preparing for your departure.

“That does not seem like a wise choice, Y/N.” Your body tensed, was this a threat? No. You are fine. A huff of breath released from your mouth as you readied yourself once again, walking towards the door and making your departure with no more exchanged words.

“What a shame.” Zhongli hummed with a frown, staring at the door you’d made your sudden leave from.

Putting the events of a few days ago behind, it truly was difficult to leave Liyue Harbor. Residents of the city were welcoming and kind, helping a foreigner with open hands. Though all good things must come to an end at some point.

As you traveled your way through Liyue, passing by ruin after ruin the thought of your soon adventures in Mondstadt seemed more intriguing by the second. Maybe you do get excited too easily, but you can't help the way your daydreams take over reality. It does make time fly by faster though.

After days of travel through a variety of terrain, soon you find yourself at Wangshu Inn, looking for a night's rest. It does seem as though everything in Liyue is elegant, and this place is most certainly no different. To say the least you were excited to stay in such a place.

With your bag in hand, you slowly make your way across the balcony of the building towards your room, letting your eyes gaze upon the stars in the sky. A sigh releases from you as you stop your short walk and make your way towards the edge of the balcony, staring up at the stars in all their glory.

In sight is Celestia itself. Perhaps one day you could visit. After all, this is only the beginning of your adventures. With so many more to come maybe you could ascend there one day.

“Pathetic.” The words catch you off guard as your eyes widen, quickly turning to meet the raspy voice only to find yourself knocked to the ground, your belongings and spear shoved to the side. An excruciating pain made its presence upon your leg and as you let out a loud groan, you open your eyes and are met with a black and teal-haired man staring down at you with a malicious glare.

Your eyes widen in horror as you look down to the source of the pain: a large spear present in your calf leaving you to watch as blood seeped out. The agonizingly slow speed as to which he pulls the spear from your skin makes tears surface upon your eyes. And soon after you find the tip of the same spear pointed at your neck.

“Who are you?” You muttered through gritted teeth, glaring at him with watery eyes. It hurt so bad, more pain than you’d ever felt before.

“It doesn’t concern you as to who I am, you are only a mere mortal.” Your breath hitches as you scan over his body and take sight of the mask on his side.

“Y- you’re an adepti?” You whispered, your voice shaky. “Aren’t you supposed to be protecting hum-”

A cry of pain releases from your mouth as the spear once pointed in your neck now finds itself sunken into your thigh.

“Did I say you could speak?” His voice is raspy, it sounds as though it’s strained from screaming, but you’re the one screaming. Tears fall from your eyes as you wait for your fate to be sealed. Beside you you can hear footsteps upon the wooden balcony, a surge of hope rushes through you only to come back down to horror as quickly as it lasted.

The same deep hum you’d despised now evident once again.

“It seems you are in trouble?” It was as if he was asking a question more than making a statement as if you weren’t sitting in a pool of your own blood with a spear pointed at your throat. You reach your arm out in a desperate attempt to grasp your spear, biting your lips to stop the sobs from spilling once again.

“Zhongli, please-” In your arm this time the spear plunges down on.

“Do not speak to Rex Lapis in such a disrespectful manner.” The adepti snaps, glaring down at you. Silence surfaces as your sobs grow louder, and soon you find yourself coming to realization.

Rex Lapis? No no, there has to be a mistake. But it all makes sense? The same man who took you in so humbly now kneels beside you watching you suffer. Is this who Rex Lapis, the god of contracts and war truly is?

As he kneels by your side, his gloved hand delicately makes its way down your cheek, wiping the tears from your face.

“Please help me.” You whisper, you sound truly pathetic. But you’d rather look pathetic than give up on life so easily.

“I’ll do anything.” You ever so quietly whisper out. You knew you didn’t want what would come next, but you couldn’t give up. Not yet.

“Anything?” He hums as if he found the scene before him amusing. The eye contact made between his amber eyes and your e/c orbs sends shivers down your spine.

He truly wants this. He’s crazy.

You find yourself nodding your head in hesitance, you don’t want this.

“Y/n, do you agree to stay bound to my side in marriage for eternity?” Your breath hitches, eyes widening in horror, there’s no going back on this. There truly isn’t.

Is this worth your life?

“Yes.”

#yandere zhongli #yandere genshin impact #yandere genshin x reader #yandere genshin impact x reader #yandere zhongli x reader #yandere x reader #yandere genshin #yuna’s fics

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checkmatein3moves · 2 years

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heeeeeeeey I NEED to say how much i love your story.

1. The fucking plot. How? How do you make it so original and amazing????! I mean - most authors start with “hello im (input name) and i am (input characteristics) and i love (choose your crush)”, but you.... you.... ....... i am speechless. Not only do you not munch everything to readers like we are kids, but even more - it really feels like you just got a glimpse into some beautiful story. Like characters were alive before you came and you are just an observer(in the most positive way). Just the way you supply information makes me think that “creative thinking” exists, and some people are so fucking talented, without crazy needs to write plainly for the popularity of it(mmmmnh im not saying THOSE people are bad but DAMN look at you0_0)my God its so easy to become immersed and addicted to the plot and characters with how incredible and unique they are.... thank you from the bottom of my heart.

2. Characters! Come on - every character is their own person, and have their flaws, and quirks, and uuuuuuuh they are so Not Cliche - you just cant have a favorite 🤍🤍(again in the best way possible) They feel like people, smell like people, you cant just understand them the first meeting you have, and that makes you read every line they give you in hope of understanding them a bit more - JUST like real life people (but again with sooooo different and fascinating backgrounds that make you understand their personalities and beliefs)... and! every character has their own beef and bonds with others that don’t concern you... ahhhh be still my heart🤍🤍🤍

Ookay enough fangirling...

Last bit - HAPPY B-DAY Godlike Author have as much happiness as your story brought me everyday and know - you are a sunshine ☀️

( yes the text is huge you are welcome i am well aware that people LOVE reading huge texts and yes im proud of it you can put it in a frame over your bed i allow you)

the best thing about this community is the pure variety in the creatives here imo. people write about so many things, all with their own techniques and passions and narrative voices and any story that can leave an impact on even one person is so important. i came up with the bare bones of this plot over a few days, mostly cobbled together through specific scenes and mental images that i felt had a lot of value when it came to aesthetics, emotions and tension. some of the character skeletons are things i've been working on for a bit longer — my characters usually always come before the story, then i put them into an environment where i can best utilise their personalities and motivations. a lot of people do the same, or the inverse, or something different entirely, and there really are so many different ways to be inspired.

i consider this project pretty ambitious because while some authors are so good at choosing their niche and settling into that, i have the tendency to want to do like, everything. i'm kind of jealous of those that can write so well for others and bounce between different narrative voices to present different stories, because that's a skill i lack for the most part. when i started checkmate i knew i was writing because of the fun i would have creating and setting up the world and mystery; i naturally hoped that people would enjoy it (of course!!!! and i’ve received so much positivity, more than i imagined, and that makes me very happy) but admittedly, this plot is far less watertight than a lot of others on here and i can understand why the sheer level of Everything in it might not be what some people like.

thank you a lot for enjoying checkmate!! i’m not sure i can rightfully be called godlike, though, LMAO. just the fact that you took the time out of your day to think about my story on this level and send this to me is just astonishing to me. the encouragement really helps to hear, but i don’t consider myself set apart from many of the brilliant authors on here, especially knowing just how much effort goes into writing anything that’s above 100k words.

#save #also thank u for the birthday wish!

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ephemerlskies · 4 years

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constant craving 04 (final) | jjk

⇢ pairing: jungkook x reader

⇢ genre: “drabble” series, best friends to lovers au, slight angst, FLUFF, bestfriend!au, unrequited love, smarter idiots but still idiots all the same

⇢ word count: 6.8k

⇢ warnings: explicit language, mentions of alcohol, excessive drinking (drink responsibly), pining, jungkook is an overdramatic baby, a surplus of feelings (i am disgusted with myself), one (1) fire hazard

⇢ summary: with the Friendiversary approaching quickly, both you and Jungkook have an array of trials to navigate through. and, as Seokjin gets caught in the crossfires, you must finally make a decision that will define how the rest of your life will unfold.

♪ playlist: constant craving - k.d. lang, bad religion - frank ocean, misunderstood - lucky daye, neu roses - daniel caesar ♪

╰ series index: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 (final)

a/n: wow.... so bitches really call this a drabble series then write a 6 thousand word finale... its me im bitches... anywho, i really love the way this played out!! jungkook had to hit the bottom to start rising to the top and it shows. also, the ending is like....... hehe well ill just let you all see for yourselves. enjoy my lovely readers! this wrapped up such a heartfelt series that is so dear to my heart. thank you all for the support for this! and i might whip up a few drabbles simply because i think this relationship is really cute hehe ok... happy reading! <3

part four: i love you too

Carrying that music box in his pocket felt like a well-deserved and all too grim reminder of what went down a few days ago. Sitting drunk yet again, though one would best describe Jungkook’s posture as more of a sloven pile of flesh and bones withering away on a bar stool, he searched for the wallet which was in one of his four pockets.

He reached for the wrong one. Instead of the faux leather skimming his skin, it was a solid wood corner pricking the pad of his index finger. It stung more than it should have. Perhaps he'd gotten a splinter, or the top layer of his skin was simply too raw from all the wear and tear of your fight. Jungkook wasn’t one to jump at such negligible shocks, but it sank him back into that night. It wasn't the wooden corner at all.

You loved him. You still love him.

That's what you said. That's what nearly put him on the floor instead of in his chair, and what had been preying on his mind as if he were no different than a helpless animal drowning his regrets in whiskey. And he knew he should have said it back.

Jungkook theorized ways to defy the cruel restraints of time, and if the universe would be so kind as to allow him to travel back to that day in middle school when he happened upon a scared, flush-faced student running so fast and panicked that they bumped into each other, just to be the one who said 'I love you' first. Or those genies and shooting stars and blessed fountains that supposedly granted wishes; he would pay no hesitation to plead with whatever deity would listen and permit his most prioritized desire.

The retrospective bargaining remained a ghost haunting just about every waking moment of his life. Though, he had not been quite sure if said ghost was some cosmic sent presence or simply his own guilt. If regret took on physical ramifications, then Jungkook would have been convinced that was why he felt as if his legs wouldn't have been able to carry him even if he tried.

If I could just go back to that night with the knowledge I know now, I would have hauled my ass to your house instead of that club and told you that my choice was made for me the moment I met you. Every other person I ended up with these past twelve years was simply a buffer for loving you. I had to prepare myself, because loving you was something entirely too tremendous for a boy still grappling with his own faulty speech pattern to assume.

I wish you knew that. I wish I didn’t stand there like an idiot and let you leave, thinking me some hero for finally letting this new guy Seokjin take the place I had always imagined being in. I wish I had just said that I love you.

I love you.

I love you, ___.

Jungkook’s vision resembled that of a smudged lens. However, there were no fingerprints on his eyes. The world had turned blurry and colorless, the latter he knew was not due to the sixth order of whiskey he let soak into his heart’s open wound.

A life of color was one of the many things that left when you did.

He didn’t know it then, but Jungkook was being fervently dramatic since it had not been more than seventy-two hours the last time he spoke to you. Thought to him, it was akin to being just short of death and taking another breath would have been an expense he wasn’t sufficiently funded to pay.

Whatever happened in the interim of him paying his tab and walking out onto the sidewalk must have landed somewhere in the blacked out stretches of his inebriated memory, since he was now staring at your contact gleaming on his phone bearing the semblance of one guardian angel.

It was so ingrained into his routine. Opening the app with the phone icon, clicking the ‘recent’ tab, and finding your name no further than three contacts down the list because he called you as if he had important things to tell you, though normally it was just to hear your voice or to tell you about what he had for lunch. And it nestled into his muscle memory as natural as it was for him to breathe or blink. Even when alcohol debilitated his driving, walking, and thinking, his body was drawn to seek a haven such as yourself. And he nearly pressed ‘call’.

Before the comfort of your voice could ring through to his phone, reality descended upon that reflex. Right now, you were probably with Seokjin, attending some pretentious art gallery for one of his colleagues.

It was just Jungkook and the night sky and the moon that he hoped you were gazing at too; it would be the only connection to you as of now. The moon, a parcel for the most longing gazes.

There are stories where the two protagonists get it right. This was not that story. That reality stung more than the residual burn of whiskey clinging along his throat.

Both you and Jungkook made every wrong decision possible. From the moment you subjected yourself to exploiting the veneer of being a ‘good friend’ to disguise any true feelings that might have taken light, to the moment Jungkook was presented with all the excruciatingly obvious signs that you were in love with him, but was simply too inept to notice, to the both of you neglecting any urge threatening the bounds of platonic. Any path that would have steered to a destination where you two would get that happy ending was conveniently untaken.

And you had a long journey riddled with heartbreak after heartbreak to prove it.

He traded his phone with that wooden music box, scuffing the soles of his shoe as he walked back home, hoping he’d be able to give the gift to you on your Friendiversary.

-----

Your pain was still raw. In this way, you had not considered, or rather avoided the idea of tending to such delicate wounds. The days leading up to the infamous anniversary had been spent hoping you would organically heal enough to allow the presence of Jungkook while denying another reopening in your wound.

You had been juggling a not so thrilling number of conflicts the three days preceding that self-acclaimed national holiday.

One, Seokjin and his bottomless supply of invitations that you felt too obligated to refuse. He had such a life packed with plans which is more than you could have said for Jungkook. He, most likely, busied himself with promoting ranks in some obscenely violent video game. Two, a mutual friend of yours had told you Seokjin was fixing to make your relationship official this coming Friday, and you didn’t want to admit the lackluster reaction upon hearing the news was equivalent to receiving a C on a test. It wasn't the worst grade to receive, but you knew there would always be something better than adequacy. Not satisfying enough nor disappointing enough to be dealt with without bending a few expectations. And three, all you really wanted, the only agent of excitability (both good and bad) that diluted the festering numbness in your heart just a tad more, was thinking about seeing Jungkook on your Friendiversary.

But with that excitement, was its equally worrying constituent: whether or not you would be able see Jungkook that day without cracking under pressure.

Things weren’t exactly attuned between the two of you. Your emotional stature had never been more unsynchronized and offkey with Jungkook’s, so, forcing a celebratory movie or dinner would be no different than adding cornstarch to the already thick tension.

“___? Are you listening?” Everything Seokjin had just been droning on about filtered in and out without a single word being absorbed, and you could have pretended this wasn't the case but stress had apprehended caring enough to lie.

“Sorry… No, I wasn't. I’m just stressed is all.” Since that was only a half lie, self-admonition had not yet taken permanent residency whenever you would look at Seokjin’s eyes offering nothing but genuine tact.

“Oh, sorry to hear! Are you okay? Anything you wanna talk about?” That, and the soft press of his hand over yours had swallowed you into a perpetual, guilty cycle of comparing two incomparable people.

Seokjin was always like this. Serving a gentle smile and honest ears as a vessel of calmness during whatever calamity you were grappling. It was safe knowing if you fell, you’d have a comfortable cushion to soften the impact. He was mindful with his words and had the intelligence to articulate them with impressive eloquence. You were more likely to see pigs fly than to see him stutter. He had a diverse group of friends and walked a steady path to a financially secure life. And you started to wonder what else one would need in a partner? Any sensible person would do much more than you had to snag someone like Seokjin, as handsome as he was kind and respectful. He seemed to have everything Jungkook lacked, including mutual feelings for you.

It would have been entirely too easy to pick him, as if there was a ‘Seokjin’ button and a ‘Jungkook’ button and you could press Seokjin’s on a whim. If choosing him would have meant miraculous nullification of all your very real and very unremitting feelings for that idiot you called your best friend, then you would have done it in a heartbeat.

There wasn't a 'Seokjin' button or a 'Jungkook' button, nor was there a button that would wondrously redistribute your feelings towards Seokjin.

And then there was Jungkook. Always in the back of your mind when he wasn't tenanting the focus of it.

He was never predictable in the ways that mattered. It was just as difficult figuring out his next move as figuring out whether this trait was exciting or exhausting.

Though, this had not been to say you didn’t know him well; in fact, all his habits and preferences and pet peeves could be bound into a book, written by you, and it would be so accurate anyone who read it would think it was an autobiography. He knew you to the same caliber. Where Seokjin would ask what was wrong, Jungkook wouldn’t need to. He already learned your behavior to know to say something along the lines of ‘tell me what’s wrong when you're ready, we can watch your favorite movie or swing by that Chinese place with those great fried dumplings in the meantime’. And on more favorable occasions, he'd say nothing and simply wrap you in his arms and let his shirt become a delta for your tears.

To anyone else, that might sound entirely too frank and perhaps a bit dismissive to be comforting, but to you it was the exact cure for each affliction. To never need explanations that would validate your feelings because Jungkook saw to that right when he took notice; to never manufacture fake smiles through failed attempts at cheering you up since, of course, he knew exactly what to do to vegetate joy in your heart and earn a smile from years and years —and years— of practice. It had almost driven you mad, thinking about how he knew from a shift in your brow what you were feeling and yet, somehow, never realized how deeply in love you were.

All the while, the moment you were convinced you had been versed fluently in his every move, he would pawn another blindsight that would leave you breathless and amazed all the same. Jungkook always had concealed tricks up his sleeve, and life was anything but repetitive with him. You would more often than not find yourself struggling to relearn language and existing itself just to keep up with him. How exactly he managed to wield such diametric facets of being was an enigma beyond the reasoning of this universe.To feel like home, somewhere you belonged outside of your own body, and a daring voyage into a completely new world all at once must have meant he was some sort of Godsend. Only angels could have sculpted a soul so magnetizing, you assumed.

Seokjin was an umbrella, shielding you on some arcane journey under an unforgiving rainfall. Your shoes kept dry and your hair intact.

And if he was the umbrella, then Jungkook was the rain. Falling everywhere and all at once, so that you couldn't help but let yourself be saturated in his entire, vibrant being. And who’s to say letting such a water fall against your skin was a bad thing? Sometimes rain is cleaning, gentle even. They bear fruits as beautiful as rainbows that guide you to an unnamed treasure.

Your treasure, however, had a name.

Jungkook calling.

"___? Hello? You in there?" Seokjin waved his hand in front of your face mostly in a jesting manner, but part of him felt like your eyes were blinded by something held in your heart. If he hadn’t pulled you back into reality, you might have been lost forever.

“I'm just…” Your attention had abandoned this conversation the second his name gave light to your screen. “Sorry, um…”

“It's okay, you can take the call. I’ll be in the kitchen making us some coffee.”

If you were to thank him profusely, it would have been far too obvious how much you missed seeing his name among your notifications, and most likely expose how often you spent thinking of Jungkook while you were supposed to be enthralled with Seokjin. So, you just nodded and answered the phone.

Nodding and answering, as though that didn't feel like taking a breath of clean air after hours of swimming through muddied waters.

“Hello? ___?”

“Jungkook.” It took you longer than usual to form a response and what was assembled had been a half-baked utterance just to let him know you were on the other side of the phone, hearing his voice and feeling a surge of energy course through your veins like he was some delicious narcotic filling life into you after only a week without him.

“___.” Jungkook was in his own debt of words as well. The exchange halted for a few seconds, a jaded breathing cutting the cracked static.

“Look-”

“Hey so-”

Any hope that you had finally caught up to the same page as Jungkook was lost. Now, it seemed you two were reading entirely different books.

“You go.” You said after another dreadful pause. He was the one who called, so he should be the one carrying the burden of navigating through this deafening tension.

“Well, I- uh… I… Well, you see I was just, um, wondering…” Jungkook’s heart must have shut off. That would explain why even the most rudimentary of words felt closer to a foreign language. Or, why he was making conscious efforts to counteract the threat of his nearly dormant lisp.

His brain was drained dry of any blood, his inner mechanisms were shutting down. Even without the alcoholic filter catching words and common sense in its web, Jungkook felt himself fall into an overactive state of dumbfoundedness. Sobriety only a cataract for his emotional override.

“Our friendiversary?”

“I’m sorry, I did not understand literally anything you just said.”

“Me neither.”

The charming and familiar laugh that spilled through the speaker reminded you that Jungkook was in fact a real person. Not some figmented embodiment of every lost and unrequited and tortuous feeling you had been suppressing for twelve years. Jungkook was real, his laugh and everything else you loved about him were all so incredibly real. And more importantly, the pure joy you felt was real; a permanent serialization of his. Your smiles and his smiles had always surfaced in tandem.

Now, you both were laughing. Neither were warranted by his messy attempt at forming a coherent sentence. The weight of discomfort shedding from your shoulders had been partnered with a slew of relieved chuckles.

“Anyway, um. I- I still wanna see you on our Friendiversary. Or, at least give you your gift.” Admitting that was terrifying but the thought of breaking the consecutive streak of eleven years simply because he was too much of a coward to admit he wanted to see you dizzied him. However, the thought of spending your friendiversary alone terrified him beyond comprehension. So, he thought not about that as a possibility; he carved an opening to his heart in hope you wouldn’t send sharp thorns of rejection into it.

“Yeah, I, uh. I still wanna see you too. I mean, it is a national holiday. We gotta have holiday spirit, right?” You were forcing playful banter, it felt like lemon juice scouring cuts on your tongue, but you were so desperate to make things between you two feel normal.

“You’re right! So, um… You can come over tomorrow night. I’ll set up a surprise or whatever.” He seemed to have fallen back into stride with pre-confession Jungkook. Trying to keep up with him now would just exhaust you of all your means, so you chose to save the rest for tomorrow night. Even if that meant watching him walk away to some unforeseeable finish line; his back, the last part of him you’d see until you could finally collect your broken pieces and start walking as well.

“Sounds good! I’ll, um, see you then.”

“See you, ___.”

You had no idea, and how could you, that Jungkook was now wiping small clusters of wetness from the bed of his eyelids. Why he thought you, the one person that remained a constant in his life, would say no to him over one fight (of many) made for quite the spill of tears. But if you did know, you would have told him you felt like crying too.

"Hey! How did everything go?" You were so immersed in your virtual conversation with Jungkook you nearly forgot the person you were presently with. The train of guilt wouldn't stop for your pathetic attempts at disembarking.

"Oh! Thanks for the coffee." You sipped, and it had just been a stall to blink away the tears that were straying beyond your will of concealment. "It went good. We're still celebrating our Friendiversary."

"Friendiversary?" Seokjin's light chuckle veiled his tense concern.

"Yeah... Uh, it's just this thing we do to celebrate our friendship. The day we met."

"Oh... that's..." His eyes were scaling the rim of his mug.

"That's what, Seokjin?" You were stern, knowing well enough it was born of far more than platonic defensiveness. And you had no right to be the one prosecuting him since you clearly had more to hide than meets the eye.

"I mean, it's just interesting how dedicated you are to an anniversary with a friend." Seokjin wielded that soft-spoken voice which made it difficult to be anything but patient with him. And from the tone of it, he seemed to have no ill intentions with that statement, though it had not been an entirely innocent observation. To you, however, it felt like he might as well have set you on fire.

"Interesting? What is that supposed to even mean? I mean, we've been friends for twelve years. I- I don't know why people are always so judgmental." Your arms crossed over your chest, hoping he would take notice how much his comment slighted you. If asked, you would have insisted you would have been this worked up over any of your friends. Though you knew well enough this was untrue, and it made you feel even worse acting as though Seokjin was the one at fault here.

"I'm sorry. I'm not judging you, really. I just... I just have never heard of two friends doing something like that so religiously."

You sighed out all your anger, knowing the way you snapped at him was merely misdirected frustration. "No, I'm sorry. I know it's kinda weird."

"Look, I get it. You guys are close. But, ___, you talk about him so much that half, no, over half of your stories include him. We've been dating for, what, barely a week now, and I know more about this Jungkook guy than I know about you, and I haven't even met him."

Lips parted, ready to dispatch another slew of defenses to refute all the things he said. It was more disappointing than it was shocking to find nothing but a long sigh emerging. Because he was right. Jungkook has been interwoven so thoroughly in your last twelve years that if you only told the stories without him in it, then it would be the least accurate and nondescript retelling of your life. Fragments of an unfinished novel. It would miss the most crucial pieces, entire chapters, of your story.

You would have been presenting a shell of you, hollow and one dimensional. All the inner parts of you, the lungs and veins and tissue that gave you life and made you whole belonged solely with Jungkook.

That's why you sat there, blank faced, foolishly waiting for the words that wouldn't come to your aid because you had no place to contend with him.

"Seokjin... I'm with you..." It's all that would come up your throat, and it felt like acid. You were sure it burned his ears when he heard them more than it had your throat.

It hadn’t even been partially true. Physically you were with him, but in your head you were sitting on your couch with Jungkook, consuming a concerning amount of junk food while chatting through a movie used more as background noise than entertainment.

"Okay. Does that mean you don't have feelings for him?"

"Well..."

"Can you confidently say you could replace all the time you spend with him with time you would spend with me?" Seokjin must have noticed your returning tears because he loosened his verbal grip from your throat. To you, it sounded like he was pacifying you for some horrible sin, to anyone else it sounded as though he was simply trying to dredge up feelings that would disrupt the chance of a relationship between you and him. "___, I like you. I really do, but in all honesty, I'm looking for something serious. I think we would be great together, but only if you don't have any feelings left for him."

"Seokjin..." You regretted looking at him.

Sweetness was strewn in his eyes and gentle smile. Seokjin was softer than cotton, which made the real threat, the rough sandpaper wearing away skin and bones, you. It made it all the more painful to know you had been keeping everything you felt for Jungkook hidden from Seokjin. Though, if one would have presented an objective point of view, your feelings were far from secretive. And the most brutal honesty was that you knew feelings for Seokjin were never in your attainability. Not the way they always had been for Jungkook.

He was the wrong person who crossed paths with you at the right moment. A mere convenience. And you knew he deserved much more than what you had to offer.

"And maybe I'm being an idiot, but I like you too much to give you some ultimatum which would put you in such an unfair position. So, I'll let you think this over." His compassion felt more like a sharp blow to your chest. “No pressure.”

If he hadn’t smiled like he did, then you would have broken up with him right then and there. It was not possible to rip away such tender hope away from a smile so sweet.

"I'm sorry." You meant the remorse behind those words and it still hadn’t amounted to a proper consolation. "I'm sorry. I guess... I guess I'll go... Seokjin?”

“Yes?” He replied quickly, and you knew only a pace that rapid was one brought on by a sliver of faith that you might have made your decision right then.

“You’re a really great person. You deserve the world.”

Unfortunately, you couldn’t give him what he wanted. And as bitter and unkind as that might have felt at the moment, it was the only bit of truth and relent you could have offered him.

-----

In your bed, sleep became somewhat of an abstract desire. You knew your rest was deprived from you when the digital clock on your bedside told you it was six hours past the time you'd normally fall asleep. It was because you really did have a choice to make now.

To choose Seokjin, and know you'd collapse in the safety of his reciprocated affection, though haunted by how you would never feel the fullest extent of content. And you would live with that until resentment and distance wedged irreversible damage in your relationship.

Or, to choose Jungkook, which would catapult you into a depth so dark and tenuous that you would have no idea whether you'd meet gentle snow or hard, deadly concrete when you landed. And maybe you'd never land at all; maybe you would be caught in a state of falling down and down forever, until your beating heart eventually stilled.

Which one was worth it? Which were you willing to risk? These were the questions that kept you awake.

The hours leading to your undisclosed celebration events with Jungkook ceased being actual points of your existence and merely obstructions that you had to plow through in order to arrive at some conclusive moment. Something that might give you an answer to all your questions. Something that might have released you from devotedly checking your phone for a Jungkook patented text or call.

You were turning into a half-being. Someone who could only inhale a full breath, laugh an intentional laugh, and sleep a soundless sleep when their other half was there.

If you thought being in love with Jungkook for your entire friendship was pathetic, then you couldn’t fathom what you had become now.

Standing in front of his door, the same one you lugged him to that night he was too drunk to balance on his feet, when you willingly carried all the weight he couldn’t, when your lips became acquainted and comfortable with his within half a beat, you felt as if this chunk of wood was mocking you. A partition barricading you from Jungkook. Your Jungkook. The man you always felt you were on the outskirts of, with only a window to peer into his unreadable mind. And that was enough for you ―until now.

Now you were going to knock on that door with your hand, make him open it for you, and walk into his home. You would be the one to step foot inside of the very structure that only solicited closed doors and immovable walls and fogged windows. And you would leave behind your timidity, every feeling and urge that left you with disappointing compromises for the sake of maintaining this friendship.

You would be selfish, and he would finally feel a mere glimpse of what you have always felt for the best and worst of your life.

Even when he opened the door, arming a smile that actively disarmed you, this home of his was yours to conquer. This was your time to act for you alone, despite how many smiles he sent your way. You had not any weapons or shields or an infantry for a clutch. You just had your heart and all the love it carried.

“Hey! ___, you look… You look great.” There was no real incentive for him to censor how he truly thought you looked. Immeasurably beautiful. It was simply his own nerves impeding on the feelings that were too intense to express without it being followed by an entire soliloquy of I love you’s.

“Thanks... You too...” You could almost feel the words brimming in your and Jungkook’s mouth, carrying such raw emotions and longing intentions.

"I'm really glad that- Jungkook..." Walking into his house punctuated what you were about to say.

His living room was strewn with enough candles to steal the last of your words and to consider his house a fire hazard. That didn't negate this lovely sea of lights to be anything but romantic and thoughtful. A bit cluttered, and not at all perfect, but it must have taken Jungkook hours to set up every wax column. The thoughtfulness of this gesture would have astonished you had it not been for the consistency of Jungkook snatching your breath and words away whenever he tried. It was antithetical, the way you expected his surprises. Yet, always surprised all the same.

Unpredictable, completely surrounding you just like the rain.

"I had to turn off my fire detector but... Worth it." Jungkook considered the number of mishaps that could have dampened any chance of this being romantic.

A candle could tip over and set his entire place ablaze, the wax could leak onto his carpet and tabletops, damaging his furniture and savings for replacements, you and he could have suffocated from all the fumes steaming from the wick. But if that look on your face didn't feel like the only bit of revival to keep his heart's steady beating, if your eyes didn’t look as though it was the only set of eyes that shed beauty into this world then he wouldn't have used up exactly three lighters to pull this stunt. But it did, and he felt warmth and color return to every inch of his body.

He would have used hundreds of lighters to ignite thousands of candles if that meant an ounce of happiness from you. He wanted to say that, but he knew the candles said it for him.

The spectacle almost made you forget why you were here in the first place. It almost made you forget the resolve you managed to gather before entering. And then he said your name.

"___."

The letters flowing from his lips as if they could only be pronounced by his tongue. It sounded so good. So good, that if anyone else were to say it then it wouldn't have been your name at all. It would have sounded wrong, sullied. And it wasn't supplied by neat articulation, this new belonging of your name in his mouth. The need for him to sculpt your name into this world was more than that. "I will never forgive myself if I don't get this out while I still can."

"Jungkook, what is all this?" You didn't know why you felt a collection of tears brimming along your eyes, but you didn't care to figure it out. Perhaps you felt an influx of feelings, an abundance too heavy for your body to seal within the confines of your emotional seams, so they overflowed in the form of tears. This certainly had not been the first time you cried over Jungkook, but you had never cried over him like this.

"___, I love you!" Jungkook said loudly. It was just you and him who could hear, but it felt as though he wanted the entire world to know.

"What? I- You- What?" Your lack of verbal poise was indicative of your love for him once again taking the reins of your mind and heart. Words were a luxury you couldn't afford as of now. You just had to feel everything you were feeling until the rainstorm settled. The hope that he would spare you some remnants of fluency was far along, and you weren't too sure if what Jungkook was about to say would be gentle enough to leave you with any words at all.

"I love you. I don't know why I didn't know it sooner. Or maybe, I- Maybe I did know?" Jungkook sighed at his own ineloquence. "I'm stupid! That's it. That's my only excuse. I'm so stupid. The way I felt about you, the way I still feel about you, is something I thought all best friends had. I thought everyone felt like the moments they weren't spending with their best friends just felt like filler moments. Like, every day I spent without you was just a span of time I had to wait out until I see you again. Like every damn moment of my life is spent waiting for you. And if I don't end up with you then... then I'll never stop waiting."

"Jungkook, I-" He prevailed in surprising you, taking words and breath and thoughts all at once.

"And, I'm that stupid! I really thought all best friends had those moments when they stare at you, and- and-" Now, you weren't the only one with wet eyes and cheeks. "And I just feel like looking at you and being with you just makes me better. It makes me a better person, or something, and it makes me feel like... Like I'll never get hurt again. And even if I do get hurt, I know it's you I want to be there. I know that whenever something bad happens to you, or when you feel like crying or when you're happy or angry or anything that I want to be the one who gets to be by your side. When I look at you, all I want is to love you. To love all your pain away."

"You really mean that?"

"Yes! God, I love you." You didn't notice how it happened, but Jungkook's arms became a shield around you. Inside his arms you were indestructible. Your hands pressed against his cheeks, memorizing the plush, smooth skin. The world could hurl all the fire and ice it had, but it wouldn’t matter. "___, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out. I'm sorry that in that period, I hurt you. Please, forgive me. I love you, and I want to be with you."

"Of course, I forgive you. I... I can't believe this." Hearing everything you always wanted from him was drastically different when it was actually unfolding. It was a million times more than any hope or dream you used as a salve for your longing. It was everything.

"Maybe it took so long because I was afraid. Because the idea of loving you was something I wasn't ready for. Even though I did love you, God, who was I to take on something as fragile and crucial as loving you. I know I probably would have messed it up. And, fuck, maybe I'm messing it up right now. But I just needed it to be perfect. I needed loving you to be perfect because I don't want to give you anything less than that."

"You were always enough for me, Jungkook. More than enough. You were and are everything to me" His arms that pressed you further into him expressed how happy that made him.

"But I'm not perfect yet. I might mess up... A lot. No, I'll definitely mess up. I don't know if I can offer you perfect yet. But I do know that through everything I have never stopped loving you and I will never stop loving you."

"Jungkook... I don't know what to say." Your thumb grazed a falling tear from his face. Jungkook had not cried often in front of you; and you could tally up the amount of times he had on your fingers alone. But when he did, it was still as beautiful as when he was smiling or laughing or even scowling.

"You could say you love me back." You did. You loved him, his smile that was currently on a mission to melt your heart, his arms that carried both the good and bad parts of you, his wit that you always relished in. All the reasons to love him were an endless flowing river. If you were lucky enough, you would catch a glimpse of each beautiful current and be able to give name to the gravity that pulled you into him.

"I love you too, you idiot." The last word caught in your throat because your lips were being kissed instead.

His lips. Warm and exciting, allotting your being with an infinite devotion of his. And it was more than you could have ever hoped for.

It felt like fire. Like a grove of candles encapsulating the origin of heat. You and Jungkook, holding each other so close, you could have become one. Hot and all-consuming of anything in its path. If one stood too close, they would suffer scorching embers that stray from the orange pyres. Seokjin, Irene, and any other unassuming casualty that had the misfortune of stepping between the two of you, harboring the burn scars to remind them of what fumed from their interference.

Every element concocting between you and him was that of a bright flame, cremating pure metals and wet woods and thick forests alike.

You were in his home. His arms and lips and hands told you it was your home as well. All that time spent wondering why you could never slip inside before was never because he didn't want to let you in. And the thing is, you never thought to knock until now. You sat outside in a silenced hope that he would voluntarily open that door for you. But unknown to you, Jungkook seemed to be waiting as well. Waiting in a large room with empty spaces where you belonged and where he kept reserved for your residence alone.

He waited even when he wasn't quite sure of who he was waiting for, or if you would ever actually spill your warmth into his home. He waited until his fingers turned to ice and his eyes fell to exhaustion, for you to walk inside.

"So, you're like my boyfriend now?" Your voice brushed against his smiling lips.

"Yeah, your boyfriend, or whatever."

"You know this means you have to top next year's friendiversary. And I mean, all these candles? That's gonna be tough." It could have counted as sensory overload, the feeling of his palms flush against your back, the tip of his nose grazing yours, the bright array of candles illuminating the room. But you were so, incredibly cold without him that this felt like solace to you.

"When have I ever disappointed you?" Jungkook regretted what came out of his mouth too late to stop himself from saying it.

"Oh, I couldn't count the amount of times on my fingers alone! What about that time you forgot our chains for the tires on our trip to the mountains? We almost died." His eye roll only encouraged you to continue. Maybe, if you were lucky, he'd equip that cute pout whenever he wanted his way. "Or what about when you swore you brought water, but three miles in on our hike you had that look on your face. You know I reminded you to get water and you swore you did. Or what about-"

"Okay! I get it! I fuck up, jeez." He scrunched his nose, his eyes waning into crescents courtesy of that grin of his. You counted the number of wrinkles along the bridge of his nose as you always did, though you had acquired an expertise in the geography of his face. Each line and angle and ridge were now and eternally yours to restudy and marvel. "Hey, uh, almost forgot."

He reached into his front left pocket. "I, um, kept carrying it around thinking I'd see you somewhere. Kinda dumb right?"

"Not dumb." You opened the tiny box, wound the handle until the spring felt tight and you could see the throngs prick the textured wheel, and it was one of those moments where you didn't see a gift in your hand. You simply saw his thought and sentiment manifested as a box of wood that sung a tune.

All the things Jungkook wanted to give you, the sun and the moon and the entire universe were not his to give. So for now, he settled for this music box and there would be a day when he would collect each celestial being and place them right into your hands. Maybe then, he would feel less of a debt for possessing such a love like yours.

"This is... I love it. Thank you, Jungkook." You smiled, but it was motivated in the hopes he would smile back. You thought he deserved that much, at least. And he did.

"Sooooo... Can I tell Seokjin that you're actually in love with me and that he sucks ba-"

"Um, absolutely not!" As always, his crudeness and slight inability to remain mature for too long only wedged you deeper in love.

So, terribly in love. Your state of constant craving for Jeon Jungkook had been left barren. That desolate, solitary province was no longer yours to take residence in.

You had a home now. And you had no need to crave Jungkook anymore. He was right here, holding you.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

a/n: okay, cry with me.... these two.... such hopeless saps for each other i'm here for it. final destination is simp city... also (spoiler) it is completely canon that irene and seokjin bond over their mutual heartbreaks and get to smitten hehehe. anyway, my loves i hope you enjoyed this finale as much as i enjoyed writing it!!! it was a short but heartfelt journey with these two and i will miss their idiocy sm. thank u for your endless support i love u all!!! <3

#bangtanarmynet #ficswithluv #btsgoldnet #bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts angst #bts fluff #bts writing #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook bestfriend!au #jungkook angst #bts series #jungkook bestfriendstolovers!au #jungkook series #constant craving #rubycoast

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kosmictales · 3 years

Text

hi, it's luna again.

not sure why, considering that he is not my bias, but i felt compelled to study his chart a bit more.

enjoy my rambles of hyunjae's chart. (also be proud im not focusing on a saturnian man... i mean kind of a lie but sssh). but this isnt completed as of today, 09.01.21. these are just NOTES. so whenever i want to go back and add more, i can.

also anything underlined has links to sources that i used for my rambles.

haknyeon forgive me

HYUNJAE'S CHART

— since time of birth is unknown, we are unaware of his rising and his moon, due to the late degree of his capricorn moon. there is a chance he is an aquarius moon (which i will get into)

— important things about the chart in no particular order.

exalted mercury: virgo mercury

detriment venus: scorpio venus

domicile mars: scorpio mars

fallen saturn: aries saturn

"why point out dignities/debilitations?" not using it to praise or put down a placement, but rather note that that it may play a role in how the planet functions in his chart.

☆ with the exception of pluto, all of his outer planets are in retrograde. almost half of his chart is rx. while these planets can be seen as generational and not having much personal impact on a person, regardless of the degree of his moon, we will find in the middle of both uranus and neptune. the neptune-moon-uranus conjunction that exist in his chart will play a large role in how he expresses and rationalizes emotions. having a saturnian moon already makes emotions something he feels the need to rationalize, make sense of, and possibly prevent himself of feeling. compartmentalizing his feelings (which can be stronger due to his virgo sun making contact with this conjunction). he is still considered to be the least emotional amongst the group members (this is something they said by the way)

which i feel is a load of bullshit to be honest. especially with pluto aspects to the moon, but go off hyunjae! least emotional my ass. maybe least expressive of sad emotions.

his saturnian moon can have issues attempting to be avoidant due to its aspect to venus, and venus in scorpio out of all of them. moon square venus brings forth inner tension. his scorpio venus feels things at an intensity that would be hard to ignore. however, he does not ignore them when it comes to the people that he loves or when it sees something unjust happening. in fact, he claims to often the person who speaks up and defends people. though this is a trait that exists already in venus in scorpio, it does also lean more towards having an aquarius moon than a capricorn moon, due to the need to defend what is right.

— neptune conjunct moon: deeper emotional bonds with others. can pick up on the emotions of others or shift in energy rather quickly. (cardinal neptune allows him to take action on it rather than be still). this placement makes someone easily upset when impacted with negative emotions and it's hard to say if hyunjae does, leaning more towards no, but the rx and the fact that both neptune and his moon are ruled by saturn shows his emotions tend to be more inward than outward. being of service to others

— uranus conjunct moon: emotions happening as quickly as they fade. intensity, need for emotional stimulation. instability with emotions. lively personality. potential for unusual ancestry. may have a hard time maintaining interests in things. due to his uranus being rx, a lot of that instability, suddenness, gets turned more inward. this can also show having an unusual way of displaying emotions. (if not by words, or proclamations, it seems that hyunjae is a more service oriented lover. taking care of people is how he shows his love. despite that he claims he isnt sure if he is good at taking care of people. that is potentially his venus-chiron conjunction speaking)

* i also love how one of his ways of taking care of people often deals with food and it's like okay i get it you're a virgo, also you have venus aspects to your moon.... feed m-* this actually leads me to my next point

☆ potential aries rising (?).

something about being more service oriented does lean towards having a virgo 6H with his mercury, sun, and true node). then you have the aquarius 11H, which shows his relationship amongst groups. virgo-aquarius, by sign, are inconjunct and can show how he does not see his care, but others sure as hell see it and feel it. fall saturn in his 1H, which is also rx, can show having restrictions on his ability to see himself fully. (could be further emphasized by saturn inconjunct sun)

also his face structure just screams having a saturn influence in his 1H! defined, quite sharp. boxy jawline. this can also show with being an aries rising. having scorpio mars as his chart ruler can explain his rather watery eyes. also would make him a sidereal pisces rising which i can FOR SURE see.

its all up for debate, im somewhere between pisces rising and aries rising.

☆ potential pisces rising (?)

hyunjae is one of those people who trip me up, in the sense of he could have two possible risings and traits he portrays can be found in both. personally, he has always given watery vibes (which could be found if he was a sidereal pisces rising as well) .

the service oriented nature that his mercury, sun, and true node being found in the 6H can give the same energy as having neptune conjunct moon. his lively personality what being ruled by jupiter (pisces rising) can give him, will exist regardless cause if uranus conjunct moon.

i could see him having his moon in his 12H. the idea of hiding emotions would be present but it also would be when having a saturnian moon. i think of when he didn’t want tbz to cry during rtk and having a 12H moon can show a preference of keeping those emotions hidden and expressing them by himself. he didn’t fail to comfort them though because that exists within him regardless of his rising (neptune conjunct moon, venus aspect to moon).

but there’s a few house placements that trip me up with pisces rising that makes aries rising a bit more believable for me

pluto in the 10H. that is someone with a very powerful presence. it’s hard to ignore them. they typically are people who bring forth change in their respective fields, very transformative, visionaries game changers. im not sure if i see that within hyunjae or him having that reputation. BUT capricorn 10H with neptune 10H, showing someone who is dedicated to their craft, wants to excel, gives off a dreamy vibe, that i can see.

i do like the 7H stellium that being a pisces rising would give him. there’s no doubt the attention that hyunjae receives. could that possible exist with a libra 7H? yes, it very much could.

3º virgo mercury — "two angels bring protection"

mercury being exalted and finding itself ruled by a mercury degree as well. truly love that this exalted mercury is aspecting venus. great indication for a singer. (according to johannes kepler, 17th century german astrologer, mercury is often associated with higher voices with a the widest range amongst the planets.) hyunjae is a lyric tenor and tenor is the highest male voice type. (this was me being a music nerd for a second but i found this interesting)

but the contact between his exalted mercury and his scorpio venus shows a need to be honest.

what happens when a planet is believed to be working its best, makes contact with a planet that is debilitated in some way?

personally, i am a big fan of virgo-scorpio energy in a chart (yes i have it so im bias), but this contact especially. his scorpio venus loves that his virgo mercury likes to be honest, that he prefers to be straight to the point. cause while scorpio is a sign that prefers to go deeper and find deeper meaning, it is often misunderstood and hyunjae does not like being misunderstood. this placement makes him someone who chooses to seek harmony than conflict, although he is aware conflict is unavoidable.

hyunjae's mind is rather adaptable. having a mutable mercury helps especially in a chart that is more fixed leaning. at least with his thoughts and communication he can be flexible. flexibility works in his favour because other aspects in his chart put attention onto him (sun conjunct true node) and makes him rather sociable (mercury sextile venus)

#hyunjae #tbz #kpop astrology #kosmictales #just rambles #not completed

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finaledenialist · 3 years

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so in one of your asks you said you dont think cas was in love with dean since the beginning and idk its interesting to me because everyone seem to think he was from the start so what is your take on that? idk im just curious haha

ohhh I wanted to make a post about this so thanks for asking!

disclaimer: I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade I just have a different take on this whole thing!!!

So. I see people are like: OMG he was in love ALL THIS TIME SINCE 4x01 and I am like: no.

Was he lost since he laid his hand on Dean in hell? Yes. Was he instantly in love? Nah.

See, Cas in season 4 and 5 is starting to feel. He is conflicted, he is questioning, he doesn’t have ‘people skills’, he is confused by what he feels, he knows there is a ‘profound bond’ between him and Dean and he is rebelling for Dean, because Dean has a point and Cas feels Dean is right and apocalypse and destruction are wrong, and this human is so human and he never had that connection before. Add the sexual innuendos, the eye fucking and the tension between those two and this is what i call ‘classic destiel’. I do have a strong feeling this is partly Jensen’s and Misha’s fault though haha but I am also convinced that the jokes like ‘Cas, get out of my ass!’/’Blow me Cas’ are purely for ‘comedic purposes’ because haha gay so funny (keep in mind it’s still 2008/2009 and things were so different then BUT we still got Endverse which had not only sexual stuff implied but romantic as well - ‘all we have left, Dean and I, is each other, if Dean says it’s time to go in a blaze of glory, so be it’ (I am writing this from memory so these might not have been exact lines but you know what I am talking about).

And then in season 6 and 7 is where things start to get romantic. ‘I watched you rake leaves’, Dean’s blind faith that no, Cas can’t be working with Crowley behind their backs because come on it’s Cas and the whole 6x20 episode is *chief’s kiss* and then season 7 and Cas dies to make things right and Dean keeps his trenchcoat and moves it from every car they have been using that season to always have it with him because part of me always believed you’d come back. OK, but I was meant to be talking mostly about Cas’ point of view. Which takes me back to 7x23 and I’d rather have you, cursed or not. I think these words had a major impact on Cas. Something just clicked. Because he realized that he could say these exact same words to Dean and they still would be true.

And then we got season 8 which was a major shift and it really moved stuff from ‘sexual tension’ to ‘romantic tension’ and it’s still called ‘season fanfiction’ because I wanted to keep them away from you in purgatory and Cas generally not feeling worthy of anything but I think this is when he started to realize that what he feels is not like ‘brotherly friendship’ but something much deeper but he had his issues (I don’t deserve to be saved from purgatory thing) so he kind of kept it buried. But this was when the Real Love really started. But did he admit it to himself? Well I am not in Cas’ head but something must have been on his mind - Naomi had access too his mind and she immediately recognized that there is a certain Feeling that is dangerous and Cas needs to be fucking lobotomized (I still have shivers thinking about it). Did Naomi knew it was love? Idk, but she felt something was going on - that is why she tried to mess things up between Dean and Cas (I only wish he felt the same way ouch my heart....) and Metatron also recognized it, quicker and better (maybe because he spent much more time on earth and was generally a little more powerful and knowing as the scribe of God) and he immediately used Cas’ grace to banish angels from heaven because Cas was feeling love for a human. But did he, himself recognized it as love? Did he admit it to himself? I still have a feeling that no. I still think that his ‘I don’t know’ after Dean’s ‘What broke the connection?’ was honest.

Now let me fast forward to season 12, because this post is getting too long already and while seasons 9-11 had some good episodes and even good destiel scenes I feel this was the time many people - rightly so - were starting to lose faith in canon destiel, starting with Dean not letting Cas stay in the bunker in season 9 and bros acting like they only call Cas when they need him. I repeat - there were still some good episodes, even great ones. And we were shown Cas worried about Dean and being there for him anytime Dean called, there was so much pining but once again let me raise The Question: did Cas know what he was feeling was love? Or was he still confused, not letting himself believe, not being able to name his own feelings and emotions? And this is merely my opinion but this is also time where many people started to be bitter and negative by how writers treated Cas (and other characters in general but I am not gonna dive into that dumpster now, especially the Cas-having-sex-with-a-reaper thing which was awful, but in retrospect is even more awful because if it was Chuck’s writing this seems like some kind of sick attempt to do a conversion therapy and I want to throw up; plus he thought? he was into his boss at gas’n’sip and he thought she was into him and what even was it if not a. bad writing; b. Cas being confused; c. Cas being confused about this bad writing).

So season 12. First of all 12x12, when Cas thought he is gonna die and the infamous line ‘I love you. I love all of you’ happened. I am 100% sure this is when Cas realized. This must have prompted questions for him. Why did I say what I said? He blurted those words out but why like that? Aaaand after some thinking I think he realized why. He must’ve been like ‘oooops’. But then Jack was about to be born and he had to protect Kelly and then he died.

And then he is in the Empty who says - I know who you love, I know what you fear, there is nothing for you out there. She doesn’t know shit, she just has access to Cas’ mind and apparently those were his thoughts, already at that time, he thought there was nothing for him out there (again, his depression issues) BUT THEN CAS, MY SWEET CAS, THIS BAD ASS MOTHERFUCKER says fuck you Empty in one of his best monologues (before 15x18 I’d say it was his best but here we are) and she yeets him out, because HE decided HE is already saved and he doesn’t need a permission and you can preen and you can scream and yell and remind me of my failings but somehow, I'm awake. And I will stay awake and I will keep you awake until we both go insane. I will fight you. Fight you and fight you for... ever. For eternity.

And then Jack dies and he takes the humiliating deal. And now we’re at 15x18 and he says: ‘I have always wondered.... ever since I took that burden.... What my true happiness can even look like... Because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have’. SEE THESE WORDS HERE ARE WHY I CAN’T SLEEP AT NIGHT. BECAUSE THEY IMPLY at least to me THAT:

1. He was aware of his feelings, he knew what he felt was love at the time he took the deal. and after that he was like ‘I guess I am immortal now’ because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have so nothing else is going to make him truly happy; this also implies that there is only one thing he truly wants and the rest is just not that important, whatever else happens won’t make him happy which is heartbreaking;

2. He knew what he wanted, so this means that at some point he wondered, he imagined, he took his time to picture the ‘thing’ he wanted. Which is life with Dean. Because he is in love. LIKE HE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS, HE REALLY DID AND HE CONCLUDED THAT THIS IS OUT OF HIS REACH (now people argue if that is because he thinks it’s unrequited or because he thinks that something something hunter life-fighting all the time-no attachments lifestyle won’t allow them to have this sort of life - and frankly, knowing that he learned everything, or almost everything about emotions from Dean, who isn’t really good at them, I am not surprised if he is sure that this feeling is one-sided, because maybe he conquered his fears in the Empty the first time around but taking the deal must have made him anxious and Chuck still calls him self-hating so he probably thinks this is one-sided and he is unworthy of love anyway);

3. He tried to imagine different scenarios that would make him happy but eventually it all came down to That One True Scenario, out of his reach, that couldn’t compare with anything else, and he tells Jack - you know about that deal, it’s ok, I don’t see myself becoming happy anytime soon AND IT HURTSSS

so to conclude and tl;dr - I think Cas realized that what he was feeling was love after 12x12 although he felt it before but might have been confused by it. I do not think he was ~in love~ since 4x01. There was tension and there was pining but no. This feeling evolved, it didn’t *just* happen in the barn.

also i am so sorry this took so long but i have thoughts and feelings and can’t form a coherent sentence since november 5th anyway thanks for asking nonny, ily!!!!

#ask #asks #anon #long post #destiel is endgame #cas is in love #everything is beautiful but it hurts #spn 15x18 #spn spec #spn speculation #Anonymous

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hecksee · 3 years

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Stained Flowers

Hi this is angsty af but im struggling right now so imma project onto fictional characters

Sorry @lumosinlove I like making Leo suffer

this is my entry for the @hpbrokenhearts contest, i started out writing this when i was struggling, and tbh i still am, but it’s gotten a lot better.

Much thanks to the wonderful @iswearimnotanaestheticgirl for editing this monstrosity. You wrecked carnage on it, but it helped so much and I love this end result so much.

Thank you so much to @peggyrose19 and @marauderss-hp for looking this over and giving me suggestions!

This is probably inaccurate but I don’t know anything about hockey, and this is fanfic so who cares about the accuracy.

THIS COULD DEFINITELY BE TRIGGERING, PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

TW suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, its got a TINY bit of spice sprinkled in (i would rate this teen probably, mature if i was being extra safe), major character death, stress, homophobia, one sided pining, hanakhai, vomiting, something thats sort of like a suicide note, and a shit load of angst

Read on A03 here

Leo knew he was screwed the moment he saw Finn O'Hara on the screen for the first time. He knew he was gonna fall hard. It didn't matter that they had never met or that Leo’s attraction was purely physical. He knew that he would want everything with Finn.

But then Leo started to fall deeper and deeper over time, time that was spent mostly spent obsessing over Finn. Only a few weeks after Leo saw Finn for the first time, it started.

Everybody knew about hanahaki. When someone felt unrequited love, a seed sprouted in their lungs. Nobody knew how or why the seed appeared but it was inevitable.

The victim would start coughing up flower petals, and if their feelings grew, the flowers would grow larger until the victim couldn’t breath because their lungs were filled with nothing but blossoms.

There were only three things someone with hanahaki could do. The main solution was to surgically remove the flowers but have all feelings of love vanish. And some said it was impossible to ever love another person.

So Leo knew exactly what was going on when he started coughing up small yellow petals a few weeks after he first saw Finn on screen.

But, over the next few months he learned to recognize the signs. The tingling in the back of his throat before he started coughing up the silky yellow petals. The itch in his left lung when people mentioned Finn O'Hara. The stabbing pain toward the left of his chest when his teammates threw around homophobic slurs and comments like beads at Marti Gras is nothing new, but now it's accompanied with a burning sensation in his lungs and bloody daffodils.

The daffodils. The fucking daffodils. He decided to look the meaning of the cheery flowers up one day. Unrequited love. After that Leo laughed humorlessly, and decided that hanahaki had a fucked up sense of humor.

Somehow, Leo made it through a full year while coughing up a mixture of blood and petals. He learned how to hide it, how to excuse himself from a situation, and how to choke the petals back down while playing. He made sure that nothing would impact his career, no matter how much longer he had left.

Leo feared that his time was almost up some days. On those days, he wondered Why was he alive? Why did only the left lung sting? Wouldn't it just be better to end it than to live through the constant pain?

He almost made it through a year keeping his hanahaki a secret.

Well, almost. His mom walked in on him cleaning the daffodils smeared with red off the floor, and he had promptly broken down in tears.

He had ended up telling her everything, how he was gay, how he hated himself for it, how he sometimes thought it would be better to just end it all instead, who he loved and why.

His mom had made him tell his coach, insisting it was for the best. There had been a major fight between the coach and him. Leo was yelling and crying but standing his ground about how he needed to play. How playing was the only thing he was living for, damn it. Leo had ended up winning, so he kept playing. And just like before, he kept the hanahaki a secret from everyone, especially his team.

But then, he found out why only his left lung stung. Logan Tremblay. The latest player that was drafted to the Lions. He was newly minted, fresh from Harvard university. Short, broad, brunet, green eyed rookie Tremz.

As soon as Logan stepped out onto the ice for the first time Leo felt that telltale sting. But it was on the right side of his chest for the first time. Fuck, I'm not having unrequited love from one person, but from two?!

His right lung had irises. Royalty, the Fleur-De-Lis, France. Leo didn’t know how those things related to Logan but he could take a guess. Logan was French Canadian born and raised, that had to mean something.

Leo’s life went on. Now he had double the work of fighting the flowers down. Two names instead of one. Leo could tell there was something between Fish and Logan. The intense stares they gave each other across the rink meant something. The tension between them one day had just disappeared. Leo saw something as Logan's hot temper reared up whenever Harzy got into a fight or got hurt.

The signs grew. Rainbow tape on their sticks, posting LGBTQ+ supporting messages on the team Instagram; small things you’d need to look out for, or know exactly what they meant to know the significance.

The real confirmation was when the official Lions Instagram posted the picture of Logan and Finn kissing at a pride parade, smudged bi flags painted on both of their cheeks.

The caption read “We are aware of the homophobia in the league, however, two of our players aren’t willing to hide their relationship from the public anymore. Both Tremz and Harzy have our full support.”

The moment he saw it, the feeling of petals started to itch in the back of Leo’s throat, but he gagged them back as he scrolled through the comments. They were filled with the expected bigotry and homophobia with the occasional biphobic comment. Yet scattered in were the kind comments, full of support, rays of sunshine on a raining day.

Leo started typing out a comment of his own, telling the happy couple how happy he was for them. But the lie was rancid in his head. The flowers Leo had been choking back came up in a wave of blood.

Before Leo got hanahaki, the few dreams he had were filled with a faceless man. One that would kiss him and fuck him, but now, now there were two men. And they had faces.

Finn O'Hara and Logan Tremblay haunted Leo's dreams in the best way possible, more nights than not. Sweet soft kisses, hands tangled in auburn or brown hair, gently worshiping the hard planes and angles that came from a lifelong dedication to hockey were commonplace in Leo's dreams.

In stark contrast, some nights were filled with sloppy, urgent kisses, nails scratching on backs, and a pure need for release. But the dreams would always end, and Leo was left with the burning pain of self loathing building up in his throat before the flowers would make themselves known.

During this dream, Leo had been on fire all night, and it was thanks to him that the team had been led to victory. So here he was with his boyfriends, celebrating.

Leo leaned up to give Finn a soft kiss before turning onto his side and beginning to kiss Logan's neck. Finn had started to ruin Leo and didn't stop until Leo had hit the peak of his pleasure.

However, the aftermath of Leo's pleasure was slowly but surely turning into pain. Suddenly the metallic tang of blood was clogging his throat and the familiar smooth petals were filling his mouth.

The flowers and blood were dripping out of his mouth, and seeping into the white bed sheets. Even worse was that Finn and Logan seemed unsurprised. no, they were almost happy. Their gentle murmurings of praise turned into cold raucous laughter. In between the harsh laughter they told him how stupid he was, how he was a nobody, how they would never love him.

As the flowers only got worse, coming up in waves and mingled with the tears that were rolling down his face, Finn and Logan vanished. Then he was falling, falling, falling.

He woke with a start, his heart pounding in his chest, lungs gasping for air in between choking sobs; lying in a combination of petals and blood. His face was sticky with tears and warm, wet blood, and a few stray yellow and white-ish purple petals stuck to his skin. The only indicator that Leo's dream wasn't all bad was the stickiness in his underwear. But the worst part was that he was alone, stuck with only fantasies, once again.

The next day, Leo knew that practice would be bad. Even though yesterday his team was idolizing the Lions, they sure as hell wouldn’t be idolizing them right now. Practice was full of his teammates throwing around a myriad of slurs. The locker-room was even worse, where the coach wasn’t there to monitor their comments.

Leo fidgeted with his bracelet, uncomfortable with the comments that were flying around, with the flowers edging up his throat. He didn’t remember what happened next.

One minute Leo’s fidgeting with his bracelet, the next he’s yelling. Yelling about how people aren’t judged by their sexuality, how hell, maybe there even was a gay person in the room! To that he was obviously asked if he was the gay one, to which, he responded yes. Leo stormed out of the room to a soundtrack, suppressing the flowers fighting their way up his throat as soundtrack of cruel laughter and biting words rang around the room, just like the ones in his dream.

The next day he dreaded going to practice. He knows he won’t be welcome on the team anymore, so what’s the point of going?

Leo ended up just texting his old coach that he was resigning. His team broadcasted the fact that he’s gay on their Instagram. Now Leo’s the target of the myriad of hate that Finn and Leo faced. It made him sick to his stomach. Seconds later, he was puking into the toilet. No flowers this time, but still unpleasant.

He still walked with dragging steps to the rink and practiced, of course. He didn’t want to lose his skills when he attempts to go pro. Trying to ignore the fact that he knows no one will take him now.

Out of the blue, three days after Leo outed himself, his phone rings shrilly. Marlene McKinnon. The Lions announcer. Why was she calling him?

Marlene asked him to play for the Lions because he had great potential. Leo hesitated. Did she not know that he was gay? He pensively inquired about his sexuality, how would that impact his place on the team?

To his surprise, Marlene told him it wouldn’t influence anything. Leo was shocked, but in the happy way. Then she asked if he had any health conditions. Just like the thing about his sexuality, Leo hesitated. Eventually he nodded and said yes.

It’s hanahaki, he told her in a slow voice, but it doesn’t impact my playing.

Fucking lie.

Marlene was silent for a moment but then put him on hold with some shaky words. 5 minutes later, she agrees to let him play, on the condition that his hanahaki doesn’t get worse, and if it does, he needs to have them removed. Leo agreed, and suddenly, Leo was going professional.

Sure, Leo was worried about becoming a Lion; his subjects of affection were there and they were in a happy relationship. But over time, and many, many practices filled with words thrown at O’Hara and Tremblay, he had learned to choke back the petals.

After a few months, the day came where Leo was leaving. With many tears, and a lot of goodbyes, Leo left for Gryffindor. After a couple long flights, and a short taxi ride, Leo stepped out of the car to Hogwarts.

Inside the rink, he was greeted with the signature smell of a hockey arena, he couldn’t quite describe it, but it was pleasant, and reminded Leo of home.

In a blink, he was bombarded with maroon and gold, hugs and welcoming words. When he turned his head from the excitement, he saw them. Finn and Logan, standing back with Pascal Dumais, who he was going to move in with.

After meeting everyone and flipping out while Finn and Logan give him a hug while swallowing down the familiar liquid and petals that up, Leo was informed that he won’t be living with the Dumais’ after all.

“You’ll be living with Finn and Logan, I hope that’s alright?”

Leo quickly excuses himself to the bathroom to let the mixture of flowers, blood, and bile out.

But Leo ended up moving in with Fish and Tremz. However over the weeks, he formed a close bond with both Finn and Logan. Of course, he became closer with the rest of the team, Loops especially. Hell, Leo has a feeling that Loops knows what it feels like to love someone who will never love him back.

But after Sirius and Loops get together, Leo knew that he’s the only one who will never get the privilege of having requited love.

Leo was glad that he had managed to keep it a secret from the team. Well, there were some people he had to tell. After all, Remus was the team medic. Remus was keeping it a secret from the team and the public. But Remus didn’t know who was triggering Leo’s love. The only people who knew were Leo and his mother.

Each practice where the two of them do anything lovey dovey, Leo needs to be excused while he chokes back the flowers that are bringing themselves up his throat. But his goalie face hadn't been developed over happy things, so he shoved his feelings back and forced himself to remain calm, pretending to support their relationship; which he did, of course he did, but Leo wished more than anything that he was there with them. Leo wishes he was there in between them, wishes he was the one holding hands with them, and sharing sweet soft kisses with them.

Hell, more than once in the time when Leo was with the Lions he considered ending it all. The thoughts weren’t new, no, he’d been struggling with them since he had realized he was gay. But now, with the objects of Leo’s affection so close yet so far, he didn’t know if it would be worth living.

But then one day, about three years after the hanahaki had started, Leo woke up with agonizing pain in his chest, like someone was squeezing a palm around his heart. He thought back. The aching had worsened every time he interacted Finn and Logan. Now the flowers were coming up almost every hour of every day. The tingling feeling is now always at the back of his mind. As soon as Leo thought about Finn and Logan he felt flowers coming up.

The flowers are accompanied with a burning pain instead of a small stab. All of the flowers are full blossoms, a few with stems and leaves. They’d be perfect and prim, beautiful, if they weren’t coated in enough blood to look like a murder scene.

This was it; this was one of his last days, if not his last.

With slow robotic steps, Leo stands up, taking some deep breaths. He fished a pen and a notebook from his cabinet, and started to write four letters.

The words to his family tell them how sorry he was at how bad he was at hiding his worsening hanahaki, how much he loves them, and how he wishes he could have said goodbye in person.

“I’m sorry for causing you pain.”

In the letter towards the team he apologized for hiding his disease and explained how thankful he was to be a part of his dream team. He told them how different the Lions were to his old teams, how they were a family and how they loved each other no matter what, regardless of their differences.

“Thank you for being like a family to me.”

In the one addressed to Logan and Finn, Leo explained how they were the subjects of his attraction, how much they influenced his life coming out by choice, consequences be damned. Through blood, sweat, tears and flowers, he found himself rattling on and on about how much he loved them, how he fell in love with them, and how much he valued the friendship they had; even if it was just friendship. Leo’s hand lingered as he thought about it. Would this letter cause the two of them to blame themselves? Should he really write it?

No. He had to. Leo added a note telling them not to. It wasn’t their fault, it was his choice.

He brushed away the crimson mess. With droplets of blood staining his fingers, Leo starts on the final and most formal letter.

Leo wrote vaguely in this letter. He told that he did have hanahaki, and how he had dealt with it for years before he joined the Lions. He publicly commends the Lions for being so accepting of him, even though he had hanahaki and he was gay. Finally, he thanked his fans for staying with him through it all.

Then, with all the letters finished, Leo sealed them in envelopes and wrote to whom they are addressed to. Gingerly, Leo placed them on his nightstand and prepared for his final practice.

During practice Leo told everyone how much he appreciates them, which wasn’t too unusual, so nobody took much notice. Otherwise, practice was uneventful. Leo blocked some passes as they prepped for their game with Hufflepuff next week.

Leo was coughing almost nonstop during practice but he chokes back the blood, bile, and flowers. He allowed himself to think that this is the last time he’d have to push it down. The aching pain in his chest doesn’t subside, if anything it only grew worse the longer practice goes on.

Leo walked into the locker-room, preparing to take a shower and stretch before heading home when the aching in his chest grew. He could hear the blood pumping in his ears and the world around him blurred. He swayed, unsteady on his feet, trying not to cry or scream. His breaths were labored, he was becoming lightheaded and his heart was pounding in his chest. The pain became too much to bear and Leo’s legs failed on him.

The team rushes over with concerned expressions on their faces. On his knees, the flowers, stems, and leaves start to come up, splattering all over the cold ground, no matter what Leo does to try and keep them back. The team became frenzied, calling for Remus.

It was too late. Leo knew that this was his end.

Once, when Leo was little, he asked his grandmother why people didn't just get the flowers removed. She smiled at him sadly and told him that, there might be a person you loved so much you couldn't bear the idea of not loving them. Even if you died for it.

At the time, he brushed it off as stupid but now, now as tears sqeezed through his blurry vision and the feeling of the cold tile floor disappears, he understands exactly what she meant.

The last thought that went through his mind, before the petals, flowers, and blood came up for the last time, was of his two loves. In an instant, all of his fantasies of Finn and Logan melted into the reality of their friendship and flew past his eyes. With one last satisfied smile, Leo closed his eyes. His grandma was right.

Some love really was worth dying for.

Just a quick reminder, this is my entry for @hpbrokenhearts so if you liked this fic or it made you cry/broke your heart, please put a broken heart in the comments, either in emoji form or not! Thank you so much for reading!!!

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smugraccoon137 · 3 years

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Supergirl Season 2 episode 8 Medusa review part 2

If your curious part 1 was just my breakdown of Kara and Mon-els relationship that got way too long. But as always SPOILERS AND GAY THOUGHTS AHEAD

Me and kel get so excited when Lenas in an episode. Like practically giddy. I can’t help smiling when shes on screen honestly. And yes Katie McGrath is beautiful, but beyond that such a pretty smile and lovely voice. I’m sure ratings started to spike when she joined the cast. Okay enough about pretty girls on to the review

Tipsy fucking Alex though guys I can’t get over this mess of a person.

Alex: if I have to come out to my mom then I choose to do it drunk

Kara: no your not *yoinks beer*

Alex: wait no my coming out juice

Kara Danvers sneaky sneaker extraordinaire can totally interview Lena and find out Cadmus things without anyone knowing. The confidence this goofball has is top tier

Underrated relationship: Alex and Winn though. I really really love Winn and honestly Alex is such big sister energy to both him and Kara.

wow Lenas pretty in the interview scene. A touch of auburn hair from the sunlight really makes this shot and we never get to see her with her hair down. Fan service honestly, or maybe she heard a certain beef cake reporter was gonna come by and wanted to dazzel her.

Lena: hair up is for business. Hair down is for flirting friendship time with Kara

Poor baby thinks she falls short nooooo. Your doing your best godamn your only like 25 jesus. Kara give her a hug she needs love and affection

Kara thinks shes being so sneaky in this interview. Such a golden retriever, bad at sneakin. As soon as she toes the line Lena catches on and kicks her out. Really good acting in the scene, the subtle change in expression to show Lenas guard raising. Good job Katie.

Real quick Lena why is your office so ugly? How do you keep it clean? You spend 99% of your days in this place and its whiter than a hospital room. I hate it. Why is your desk an oval? and why does it have a hole in it? Kara cant eat you out in secret anymore damn.

OOHHHhhhh noooo the fucking gas bomb in the bar what the fuck. EVERYBODIES DEAD JESUS WHAT WAS THAT

Poor Mon-el. What happened at the bar was fucked up, and he feels like its fault when its obviously not.

Love that he and Kara are having bro time playing some Monopoly. Oh no not Kara asking if he likes her. Honestly thought these two had good chemistry in this scene. Im a sucker for dumbass not understanding certain words and phrases. So Kara having to reiterate her questions and finally being like “You don’t want to mate with me do you?” was super fun. Omegaverse vibes mfs. Although I am confused by mon-els reaction “I mean have you seen the kind of women I’ve been attracting?” I honestly don’t know what this means.

Kara internal reaction though: Oh thank god

Wow Kara really just has no regard for her own life, huh? she just opens the door and possibly contaminates herself. It’s good to want to help people, but love you gotta care about yourself too

Good reveal with the fortress of solitude. Oof Kara gonna feel like its her fault all those aliens died and mon-els sick. They do a really good job of showing Karas relationship with her parents through their holograms. She wants so badly to see them again, to talk to them. And she can, but not really. They just aren’t real.

Lena cattily to her mother: im used to celebrating holiday weekends alone at my desk

me to Kara: please invite her to thanksgiving

Okay so Lena being adopted is another interesting parallel to Kara. Also the fact that both Kara and Lena fall into there families shadows, and are left behhind or forgotten. Really interesting how Lena and Karas relationship is so similar to Clark and Lex’s for obvious purposes. Though the CW queer coding the fuck out of their relationship in Smallville really only adds to Supercorp fever. Its always been Homoerotic subtext Harold!

Me watching Lena and Lillian trade verbal blows: Wow ya’lls relationship is fucked up. Lex and Lionelle would spar and fence but you two are on another level jesus

oooooof that last line.

Lena: I know your lying

Lillian: and how could you possibly know that?

Lena: because you told me you loved me. And we both know thats not true

Who wrote this jesus fuck my heart. The PAIN.

Bonus thought Lena thinks Karas smart. Goofball beefcake sneaky sneakster who doesnt know the difference between flirting and friendship is smart she thinks. I love these idiots

Wow Kara just doesn’t wait huh? Oh cadmus is going to be at LCorp? Not on my watch. Lena’s there. I know this because I tune into her heart beat just to check on her cus she likes to work late. Don’t worry Alex it’s for friendship reasons.

That LCorp security guard got princess carried for .2 seconds. Best moment of his life.

God its like dark out. Lenas working on a holiday weekend into the night. I hate this, give her friends.

Lena looks so scared when Kara gets thrown into the giant LCorp sign

And then hurt Kara looking up at her with dread.

Kara internal: fuck don’t come out now. I came here to save you

God I love the protectiveness. Its *chefs kiss*. Hank throwing the beam at Lena and Kara even in her hurt state throwing herself in front of it. Sometimes self sacrifice is gay. But how Lena looks at her after wards like “I can’t believe I’m alive. I can’t believe she chose to save me”. Met with a gruff “Get out of here!”. mm yes this is my kind of content. Fight for me.

I was robbed an aftercare scene but I doubt it will be the last time. (*COUGHS* the “im leaving” phone call *COUGHS*)

Talking about the virus Eliza: what about Lena Luthor?

Kara: What about her?! (super defensive is also a super power maam)

Winn: Luthors can be pretty good actors

Kara: No, I looked into LENAS EYES. She doesn’t know anything about cadmus or her mother

J’onzz: Would you stake Mon-els life on that?

well I guess that really puts Lena and Mon-el right next to each other in priorities huh? Which one is more important?

Wow Lena totally has a crush on Supergirl after that. Flustered dork.

Lena: *laughs nervously* you know that doors not really an entrance

Kara: *upsettit stone face pupper*

Lena: :,)

Okay but the way Lena just says “Anything” all breathless and helpful when Kara says she needs her help. Shes crushin hard

Kara tells Lena her mother is in charge of Cadmus.

Lena: >:(

Annnd the crush is dead. That did not last long. Really love that Lena has such a different relationship with Kara vs Supergirl though, good dynamic having her reactions so different. Which I believe actually relates as a Clark and Lois parallel? Seeing as how Lois has two separate relationships with Clark and Superman.

OOf the way Lenas throat bobs with genuine sadness because who she thought Supergirl was is wrong. Shes just like the rest of them. Thinks Lena is just another crazy Luthor. It hurts

Kara: I know what its like to be disillusioned by our parents, but Im a pretty good judge of character, and you are not like your mother. She is cold and dangerous. And you are too good and too smart to follow in her path. Be your own Hero.

Wow just what a good line. They are capable of some things here and there arent they? Melissa's delivery on this is excellent. And the way Katie McGrath is able to show such depth of sadness and bitterness even from a shot of her BACK is really cool. Great acting in this scene in particular. And I can see why the “desperation to be good” is such a highlighted part of these two relationship. Its the one thing in common between Lena and Supergirl, the place where they can meet in the middle. And the way Lena looks after her as she leaves! AHHH thats the good shit, the pining

Okay big Mon-el scene in coming so if you dont want to hear my ranting skip over this part.

Funny how as soon as Kara has this big impactful scene with Lena full of tension and emotion the writers were like: shit we almost forgot Mon-els dying.

Kara: *staring sadly back into Lenas office kind of wanting to go back in*

Writers: *cough cough* KARA He’s DYINGGGG

Kara: Oh shit right. Mon-el Oh no. My *looks at poorly written handwriting on her palm* romantic interest?

Wow Mon-el looks like shit, poor guy. Someone swaddle this pillow princess and get him some soup.

Heres a question. Kara is visibly upset that Mon-el is dying. Is it because she’s sad that the guy shes likes is dying. Because her friend is dying? Because her father created the virus thats killing him (what the writers want us to think)? Or because no matter what Kara does the people she loves keep falling through the cracks and shes helpless to stop it?

Her parents. Clark. Her adoptive father. Now Lena. Now Mon-el. Why can’t she ever do anything? Why is it always her fault? This poor kid has some deep seeded abandonment issues

Mon-el: you know you look beautiful with the weight of all these worlds on your shoulders.

I do remember my reaction here, cus I thought this was a weird line. A line that was obviously meant to be romantic and complimentary, but it felt unsettled in my stomach. Coming back and watching the scene it sits even more uncomfortably there. He obviously means well, but this line is kind of just shitty. Its a very selfish and unthoughtful thing to say to someone.

Kara’s entire fucking life has revolved around other people and making sure they are happy and taken care of. But having “failed” at such a young age to do the impossible things asked of her (carrying on Kryptons legacy, raising Clark) she overcompensates. Any normal person would just make their life revolve around their family and friends, not healthy but it works. But Kara feels responsibility over an entire world of lost people and lives. So the amount she overcompensates is ungodly. She does have the weight of worlds on her shoulders. This is not a joke or hyperbole. Its just her life. And thats so fucking shitty. And to have someone actually see that and acknowledge it. To make it a reality so to speak. Then to have them say “yeah you look good like this” while you’re a shaking Atlas being crushed. It is just a little too much isn’t it? That pain to have someone see you finally, and then completely miss the point. For them to go “oh wow your so strong. your so brave” instead of “let me help you. you shouldn’t have to do this at all, forget by yourself. But now I am here”.

I imagine this was the scene that crowned my darling himbo boy Mon-Hell? Which is so unfortunate. I hope Im wrong, but I feel that his character might just end up a big missed opportunity

I want everyone to know that me and Kel screamed through the entire enxt few seconds of the scene. We knew the kiss was coming from how they were building it up. But god was it painful, especially for it to be delivered after a line like THAT. But yeah very loud angry screaming

Also not to be that bitch but Kara and Mon-els scene was a total of 1:53 RT, and Kara and Lenas ran at a 1:57 RT. Just sayin...

No Lena don’t be evil thats too sexy...

Okay but the way that Lena just tricks Lillian is so good. Shes so clever. And added bonus she makes her ask for her help, which is nice actually. Lillian's obvious vice is weakness and that is often shown in embarrassment. A woman like this asking for help borders that line of weakness and its nice to see on such a dislikable character. Lena didn’t just get what she wanted she got a point over her mother.

Lena looks good in the purple coat. Repeat she is pretty

Love the mental chess game between Lena and Lillian. Lena offering help right off the bat and giving her the isotope free of charge. And then Lillian making Lena launch the virus to prove herself. Good stuff.

Kara appears: don’t do it Lena!

Lena: why not? im a luthor

Okay so obviously Lena switched the Isotope and the Virus won’t work. But thats what makes this line so perfect. Throwing it back in Supergirls face. Like “Yeah, Im a luthor. And Ill show you what im capable of.” But instead of mass death and destruction Lena saves the day. She saved thousands of lives, and its because shes a Luthor that she was able to do that. Really nice way to full circle that

Wow Lillian really just starts booking it without Lena, huh? bitch

I really love the scene of the virus falling all around National City. The choice of an orangish snow falling was a really really good one. Paired with some excellent music for the mid season finale.

Its sad but I do love Hank just being ready and at peace with death. Im sure he misses his wife and daughters.

Okay but Lena calling the cops is tea. Send your mom to jail honey.

So we’re really not gonna talk about how Lena saved everyones asses? Like don’t you think Supergirl would want to talk to the woman that A) kind of tricked her, and B) saved National City. Thats just what makes sense??? But no we’re going to ignore that the DEO is a kind of shit at their job sometimes. And that the woman that they were accusing of having a part to play in all the xenophobic shit is the one who did their job. BY HER SELF.

Okay rant over. This was a long one review dear god. Really really good episode though. I enjoyed rewatching all the scenes even if it was a mixed bag of feelings. Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed all the screaming!

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nullvoid868 · 3 years

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Dusty wings and sleep deprivation (G/t fluff)

This is something I wrote to try to get a feel for some new OC’s, and original content in general. its just a fluffy G/t story, with a moth based species of borrower. enjoy!

Chion’s wings twitched uselessly, unable to lift his tiny body away from the burning electric flame, the metal underneath him searing with heat. His whole body felt like it was burning into dust. The bulb began to flicker, sending out a resounding noise as it did. The entire lamp seemed to ring over and over again rhythmically.

DING-DING-DING-DING-DING

He was thrust from his nightmare by the call of the pocket watch hung on his wall. Chion thrust his sheets out of his cocoon and awkwardly flopped out, slamming his palm onto the switch to silence the alarm. Rubbing his eyes and grabbing his borrowing poncho, Chion cringed a little as he recalled that tonight he needed to collect supplies.

The LED’s in the ceiling, which Chion had hooked up to an inverted light sensor outside, had activated, draping a calm blue light over the intricate quilts and blankets that decorated his home. He took down his borrowing bag from the hook attached to the kitchen wall and fastened it to the huge button on the back of his poncho. After quickly scarfing down a cup of water he climbed down the ladder leading to the rest of the house, and once he reached the bottom, he summoned his wings and took flight.

Chion glided through the air in the humans living room, occasionally landing on a wall to rest. The eye patterns on his wings darted their pupils from side to side, just as he did his, checking to make sure there were no signs of the human. The moonlight glinted off his unkempt snow white hair as he winged his way into the kitchen. Chion landed on the edge of the pantry, a massive cereal box looming above him. The only obstacle between him and his quarry was one piece of flimsy cardboard. From his pocket he produced a small multool, whipped out the knife, and began cutting through the side of the box. After a few minutes of sawing a square shaped hole in the cardboard, he had finally reached his goal - 2 or 3 pieces of cereal were enough plant fiber to feed him for a week. Chion grabbed onto a piece and slowly pulled it out from the tightly packed box, satisfied with his mission.

It was then that chion realized his mistake.

Cereal began to pour out from the hole Chion had made in the box, the wave of oats and grains pushing him off the side of the pantry. He managed to open his wings at the last moment, saving himself from a nasty fall, but strained them in the process. He awkwardly flopped onto the growing heap of cereal, more and more falling on top of him with each passing second, clinking lightly on the kitchen's tile floor. By the time Chion summoned the energy to move he was buried under a pile of cheerios™, Kellogs cornflakes™, and other standard breakfast fare. The weight held him in place, unable to move.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A strange noise coming from the kitchen broke Risa’s daze after hours of staring into the glow of his PC. It took half a minute for him to register it, and another to notice that it was now pitch dark outside his bedroom window. He was up way too late for his own good, but despite his tired state he knew he wouldn't be able to get any sleep until he found out what the noise was. Rubbing his eyes, he awkwardly stumbled out of his bedroom and towards the kitchen. Flicking on the light, he could plainly see the source of the issue. Cereal poured out onto the floor from a hole in the box, forming a pile on the tile floor. Risa picked up the box and set it on it’s side on the counter to stop the flow of cereal, and sighed as he grabbed a broom and dustpan and got to work. After a few sweeps of the broom he could see something fluffy and white poking out of the pile. Getting down on his knees, Risa scooped it into his hands to get a better look and was flabbergasted at what he saw. A small, humanoid creature with moth’s wings laid in his palm, wearing a tiny brown poncho. Its neck had a fluffy ‘collar’ around it and two antenne poked out of its head. Its wings, which a moment ago were paper white, were now bright red, and emitting a strange pulsing glow. The miniscule figure was crouched in a fetal position and shaking. Risa stared for a moment before coming to his senses.

‘W...what are you? Can you speak?’

The tiny being shivered, saying nothing for a moment, and then squeaked out a shaky ‘y...yes’

‘Please let me go, I'll leave, I promise. Please don't kill me.’

‘Wha..what? I'm not mad at you, I'm just confused. I've never seen anything like you before...’

Risa tried to carefully poke Chion to turn them over so he could see their face, but Chion flinched and jumped a bit, their dusty wings weakly flapping, trying to lift off before flopping back onto Risas palm. Their antenne twitched a bit before they froze once again, this time staring at Risa’s comparatively massive face, their tiny grey eyes overflowing with fear. Risa’s heart sunk with guilt, realizing that their thoughtless action had only scared the tiny being more.

‘Sorry.. I shouldn't have done that.’

‘......’

Risa’s words were met with only the same fearful eyes staring up into theirs, as if anticipating death at any moment.

‘I'm not going to harm you, I'm so sorry I scared you. My name is Risa, what is yours?'

‘I…’

‘...Chion’

‘Chion.. That's a pretty name. Well Chion, i'm going to put you down on the counter now, again i'm sorry I frightened you’

Chion’s wings ceased their pulsing glow, and their blood red became a little more grey. The small being shivered a bit less, yet they still peered into Risa’s eyes fearfully. Risa carefully moved her hand over to the counter, and tilted it just a bit so chion would gently slide off of it. The miniscule being fumbled a bit as they sat down on the counter, now looking at Risa with more confusion than fear.

‘You.. you're going to let me go?’

‘I'm not going to capture you or force you to stay here, if that's what you mean’

‘I..Im going to go then’

Risa felt a bit disappointed to see Chion leave so soon, she really wanted to get to know them better. But forcing them to stay and chat would certainly not make them trust her more. She watched as they fluttered off the counter and into the air, heading towards the door to the living room.

But as soon as Chion was a few inches from the kitchen counter a sharp pain shot through their body, making them lose the balance needed to fly. They had been so focused on their fear of the human that they had forgotten about spraining their wings. Chion began to plummet towards the floor below, closing their eyes tight in anticipation of the impact. They had survived being found and now they were going to die from a simple fall.

But Chion did not collide with the cold, hard tile. Instead Risa’s hands shot out to catch them, and they plopped face-first onto the warm, fleshy surface. Chion simply laid there for a minute, face pressed into Risa’s hand, tears spilling softly from their eyes.

‘Oh my god are you ok? That was close!’

‘Y..yeah’

‘...’

’Thank you. For catching me’

‘You're very welcome. I guess you should probably avoid flying for a little bit.’

‘Yeah... trying to fly again is dangerous. But I need to fly to get back home!’

‘I might be able to carry you there!’

‘Ehh…’

As much as Chion wanted to get back to their nest and lay down in their cocoon, every instinct they had shouted at them to not let the human know the location of their home. They winced a bit and shook their head.

‘Id.. rather keep the location of my burrow a secret, sorry’

‘Oh.. well i understand. You can stay with me for the night if you want, and hopefully you should be feeling good enough to fly in the morning.’

Though Chion was still frightened a bit by Risa, it was either stay with her or try to find some hole in the wall they could reach and stay in until their wings healed.

‘That.. that would be nice, yeah.’

‘Great! Ill get the supplies to try and set up a bed for you.’

‘Uh, before you do, could I get some food and water?’

‘Yes, of course!’

Risa once again sat Chion down on the countertop while she rifled through a drawer, eventually picking out a 1/8th tablespoon measuring cup. She brought it to the faucet and turned the knob ever so slightly, so only a few drops of water flowed from it. She sat the now full measuring cup down next to chion, and fished through the cereal box for a few pieces of cereal. She sat them down next to Chion as well, who was already happily slurping down the water.

‘Thank you!’

‘You're welcome!’

Risa watched as Chion happily nibbled on one of the pieces of cereal, occasionally taking another sip of water. After a while they lifted up the measuring cup to get the one last drop of water in the bottom, only for it to slide right into their face as one big drop, its surface tension breaking on impact and soaking Chion’s now rather surprised face. Risa giggled a little bit before tearing off a piece of paper towel from the nearby roll and handing it to Chion to dry off with. Chion timidly took it from Risa’s outstretched fingers and patted their face down with it before standing up.

‘Alright, I'm pretty tired. I guess take me to wherever you want me to sleep for the night’

‘Ok!’

‘Uh.. I think i'll have to carry you, if that's alright’

Risa held her palm to the edge of the counter, waiting for Chion to climb on. Chion stared at it for a while, not sure what to do. They remembered the stories they were told by the elder moths as a child before being sent out on their own. Cold nights in some abandoned wreck of a house, huddled together with other young moths, an elder reading stories of humans thoughtlessly killing borrowers who got too risky in their borrowings. Now with Risa waiting for them to step forward onto her hand, they had no idea what to think. This human, who was supposed to crush them like a bug, had now saved them twice and helped them purely out of the kindness of her heart. The logical part of their brain told them that those old stories were probably just fabricated, or worst case scenarios. Fear-Mongering meant to ensure that they stay hidden. Humans might not be so violent after all. But another part of their mind still screamed those old stories in Chion’s ear.

They shut their eyes tight, and stepped forward.

Risa watched intently as Chion stepped onto her outstretched palm, trying to keep it as still as possible. Chion carefully took another step and planted their second foot onto Risa’s palm before sitting down, still shaking a bit and eyes still clasped shut. Risa carefully moved her hand from the side of the counter to the side of her chest, cupping the tiny figure close to her. Chion took a deep breath and stopped shaking. The small moth opened their eyes, and seeing that they were safe, laid down on the palm and sighed. They were exhausted, physically and emotionally. They could faintly hear Risa’s heartbeat, and Risa’s hand was warm and soft. Chion grabbed onto Risas shirt, cuddling with the warm fabric. By the time Risa reached his bedroom he found Chion fast asleep in his palm.

Risa used his other hand to pick up a spare blanket and spread it over part of the nearby bed stand, and gently laid Chion on top of it. The tiny moth stirred a bit, but quickly drifted back into sleep. Risa picked up another, lighter blanket and laid it over chion, carefully tucking them in.

‘Sleep well, little one’

#G/t #sfw g/t #borrowers #fluff #g/t fluff

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tutubola-moved-on · 3 years

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Hi I like music and I kind of go wayyy too deep into the TPN soundtrack and I think it's about time I start throwing my thoughts out there before they spiral too much

Disclaimer!!! This is not a complete analysis at all, just a few thoughts on each of the songs. I'll probably revisit some of them in future parts if I ever do those aha anyways enjoy

(Part 1/?): 63194, Emma's Sorrow, Emma's Determination, 22194, Norman's Lament, The Promise Between Humans and Demons, Jailbreak and Isabella's Lullaby.

(manga spoilers)

I've done a lil smth smth on Main Theme 2 already and its my favourite song like ever aha this is a cry for help

here you go people

but now anyways fr

63194 (Season 1)

Wouldn't have started with this one cuz I'm still figuring it out but it was the first one that came up when I pressed shuffle

Let's just go straight to the point so we can move on. The first time we hear 63194 is in episode 2, when Norman is talking to Ray about their plan in the forest (or, as I like to call it, "boat scene"). It reaches its climax when Norman starts talking about how he'll use himself to ensure the escape plan will work.

And then it's only used again in episode 8, if I'm not mistaken, after Isabella tells them about Norman's shipment, thus foreshadowing him refusing to escape and using his "death" as a tool to help the others escape.

But alsooo the song is Emma's theme, so there's definitely some sort of meaning other than foreshadowing Norman's shipment. That's for later though cuz I'll have to think more. The beginning does sound a lot like Strauss' Metamorphosen, a piece symbolising how German culture was destroyed during WW2. Not sure what to do with that info for now.

If you'd like a little extra stuff, I also tried connecting the pieces to the Doctrine of Affections, a... thing some Baroque composers wrote that connected music keys to feelings. (I found many sources but I used this one).

63194 is in C Minor, which is described as "innocently sad" (although another source said "sweet but sad") and "lovesick." I think innocence really describes Emma, Ray, and Norman in general, as kids who never did anything wrong but were thrown into the wrong world. Innocently sad would be their conversations in boat scene. They're talking about life or death, it's not something kids should have to deal with.

But again, it's hopeful. Norman wants to create a boat made out of mud---he wants to save everyone---and he really believes it'll work. So although sad, it's also sweet. It's a light at the end of the tunnel, and also just an act of kindness. As for "lovesick," that would just describe Ray and Emma's inevitable longing for Norman after he was gone. Which brings us to...

Emma's Sorrow (エマの悲しみ) (Season 1)

The two times I remember Emma's Sorrow played was 1) When they first talked to Don and Gilda about the house and 2) During the infirmary flashback scene.

The Doctrine of Affections describes E Minor as "grief and longing." In the infirmary flashback scene that obviously not only shows how Norman longs for that time when they didn't know anything and everything was light and happy but also, once again, foreshadows Emma eventually having to grieve him.

Especially because they don't play the staccato part (short quick notes) that's in the original version. Instead, the strings are always present. In staccato, the music gets pretty,,, lowkey? because the instruments can't exactly "show off," whereas the legato (long/connected notes) really shows the true importance and impact each individual instrument has on the song. Considering how the strings (specifically the violins) in the soundtrack could symbolise Norman, it's showing how Norman is not just another guy who's in their group and planning the escape, but an actual friend they'll lose and who'll leave a significant emptiness behind. Not only brain power wise, but just.. you know he's a human being and it's gonna hurt either way.

Not only that, but the harmonies itself in Emma's Sorrow once the strings really do come in are really incomplete. Like, the piano part seems to be all over the place, but it comes together because of the strings. Norman was the one who brought Emma and Ray together, in a way, and isn't Emma and Ray clashing exactly what Shirai wanted when he sent Norman away? Yea...

And Emma's Sorrow is, of course, parallel to:

Emma's Determination (エマの決定) (Season 1)

Yea no I'm still gathering thoughts on that one. The ascending bass contrasting the descending bass in Emma's Sorrow is pretty cool, though. It plays when Don is going off about how he wants to be strong after punching Ray and Norman and it's in F# Minor, so "passionate resentment." Connect both and Don really is ready to change the world. He got slapped with this very very bad reality and naturally he's angry and he's sad and he wants to do anything in his power to save people.

But back to Norman.

(hi future me here. oh my god why am i only talking about norman this was not the route this was originally going to take im so sorry i swear there's more to this post than just norman brain rot 22194 is the last norman one)

22194 (Season 1) and Norman's Lament (ノーマンの嘆き) (Season 2)

22194 is in B Minor, so "patience" and "walking towards fate." That's pretty self explanatory considering how he, and I quote, "chose death." Yea. G Minor would be "uneasiness of the future," and once again, pretty self explanatory (The whole Lambda seizures thing and I'm The Only One Who Can Save The Humans Syndrome. Normy worries too much :/)

Comparing both is pretty fun, too. It's the same melody but in different keys and instruments and thus just give off different feelings. While 22194 is full of instruments and harmonies and is clearly structured, Norman's Lament is just. Empty. It's like it's trying to stay true to 22194, so the Norman from before, but at the end of every musical sentence it just drifts off. You can see parts of 22194 in there, but it's not the same. At all.

There's also no harmony. He wants to do everything himself, and discards all his bonds and friends for that. So sad. Stop him.

All that while 22194 is rich and beautiful and oh my god i love that song so much and it's just showing how Norman was a lot more lively and layered and human when he allowed people to come into his life (the harmonies) and listened to those people instead of just locking himself up and doing everything himself.

So in conclusion cuz I ramble a lot, 22194 is about GF Norman, who hadn't gone through all those things that turned him "evil," who trusted his friends and believed everything had a good, ethic solution. Norman's Lament is about Lambda/post-Lambda Norman, who had gone through a whole lot, and was now in a downwards spiral and had left everything behind to become God or whatever, but was also in denial that he had changed in the first place.

does this make sense no idea i'm typing this while sleep deprived and high on bread and i failed english this quarter

but that aside

The Promise Between Humans and Demons (人間と鬼の約束)(Season 2)

I love this song!!!!!! So much!!!!!!!!! I love the percussion, it's used so well. And I love the way the song builds up and adds more and more instruments until it eventually reaches a climax, like the growing tension between the humans and the demons during the war that snowballed and snowballed and eventually caused both sides to resort to the Promise.

And when the song comes down you can hear a very short "first draft" ish version of Isabella's Lullaby.

It's as if yes, all this mess went down and the demons and humans made this huge promise that completely changed the world and affected an entire society but then far far away from the Seven Walls and the Promise and oblivious of the Ratri Clan and the demons were these two tiny tiny children just singing a song and living happily. And those children---and that song---were the foundation for the entire revolution that ended with the Promise. Wow.

And it's in D Major, D Major is "Triumphant." The song itself sounds triumphant, and yes the Promise was gross but it was a nice little hello kitty band aid over the mess that was the world before it.

What was truly triumphant, though, was the kids' escape, which happened to the same melodic theme, albeit in a different key. Which leads me to...

Prison Break (脱獄) (Season 1)

Oh my God. I love this song.

It symbolises the kids breaking ties with Isabella and how many obstacles were in the way (not only was she their mom; their only mom who had cared for them for their entire lives, but she was also their enemy and did everything she could to prevent them from escaping). The second the brass comes in with the theme (around 0:53) it sounds like it's struggling to play it fully. In this case, Isabella, once the singing parts, would have lost her voice after being outwitted by the children (keep in mind the song starts playing after they've already reached the wall). After all, the song starts with a voice that seems to get more and more desperate before it's overrun by instruments, thus losing its power.

So she's trying to control them and get them back, but they won't let her. They're going to break free. So you have the melodic theme playing with significant breaks, until eventually it all goes silent. Why? Because they escaped. Isabella completely lost contact with them, they're free. And then you get the same melodic theme in The Promise Between Humans and Demons.

But the theme isn't played full. It's not played to the extent that they play it in TPBDAH, instead there's a lot of just "blank space" with no melody above it: that's where the children will write their melody---their story; a story independent from the Promise that shaped their lives thus far.

AGH.

I need a break but I'll be back

Isabella's Lullaby (イサベラの唄)

OK OK Continuing on Isabella I love how Sarah Alainn sings like she's crying. I really recommend this if you want to go deep on Isabella's Lullaby, they pretty much said everything I had to say. I don't go on youtube like ever and that might as well be one of my favourite videos LOL anyways

I also really recommend listening to the no vocal/piano solo version, the harmonies are so beautiful. And the more you listen to it the more you hear, there's always something new. The violins especially oh I love the way Takahiro Obata uses violins. Honourable mention to Nat King Ballade (ナットキングバラード) and Each Thought (それぞれの想い) (idk if thats the english name for it,,,, i've seen it as "Their Own Thoughts" too)

WELL THEN. What a ride. I'll go to sleep now. If anything is incoherent or u just wanna talk then send me askies or a dm smth idk aha i like music but i hate grammar :P

#adding this to the queue cuz posting it rn would be so weird #tpn manga spoilers #thoughts #long post #tpn music #63194 #emma's sorrow #emma's determination #isabella's lullaby #prison break #tpbhad #norman's lament

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n3s0 · 3 years

Text

hi i’m going to discuss the doomsday war streams and overall the conclusion of what i’d consider season 3 of the dream smp because hyperfixation go brrrrr

(for clarity sake: season 1 is from when l’manberg defects from the dream smp to when wilbur decides to host an election. season 2 is from swag2020 vs pog2020 to the manberg vs pogtopia war on nov 16th. season 3 is from the start of tubbo’s presidency to the jan 6th doomsday war.)

tldr: i definitely think the cc’s can look on what happened this season and improve greatly. that’s not to say this wasn’t a good season, there are a lot of things they’ve improved since season 1, but there are also things they can improve on in the future. this season was lacking a connecting thread or goal and it made it feel disjointed and left character’s in limbo. a way to fix that could be either scripting the story more strictly, fixing communication problems and/or making the plot into more self contained but slightly overlapping stories.

i think my biggest problem with this season was the fact that it felt so disjointed. one of the best things about the first season is the consistent plot line: l’manberg is trying to win independence. you had eret’s betrayal, dream’s tyranny, wilbur and tommy’s whole dynamic, and an underlying subplot with the disc war, but it all ultimately connected to l’manberg’s fight for independence. it’s what makes the first season so good and that kind of consistent plot is missing in this season.

even the second season had the main plot of taking back manberg. there was wilbur’s insanity, but that tied back to the elections. there was tension between tubbo and tommy, but it tied back to the elections. even the badlands tied back to bad, ant, skeppy, and sam deciding they’re done with manberg AND pogtopia and deciding to stoke the fire. it all tied back and character’s had weeks to slowly develop with the setting.

this season you had techno retiring, ghostbur reconciling with fundy, tubbo’s presidency, whatever was going on with schlatt and quackity?, george is king?, el rapid mexican l’manberg that whole thing, tommy’s exile, el rapids fighting dream smp/eret’s kingship?, the butcher army, techno UNretiring and teaming with tommy, tommy using techno to get his discs back, techno using tommy to destroy l’manberg, the prison, the bloodvines, and probably more im forgetting. there was a LOT going on, even techno and wilbur have ooc acknowledged this. and in my opinion it was just too much. character’s weren’t given enough time to develop naturally and the pacing had to go fast enough to fit all the plot into it, leaving little time for the character’s relationships to develop with the plot.

most notably this is a problem with character’s like niki, fundy, ranboo (though not too bad with his character) and eret. eret had worked hard on a redemption arc and then had to go back to being king because george didn’t want to be involved (then changed his mind which...okay) which really fucked up all of the development he spent a LOT of time on during the second season. niki had to jump from siding with tubbo and tommy against wilbur’s insanity to suddenly tubbo’s president and her character just...can’t know that wilbur is dead for some reason? and now she needs content so she has to scrap together an anti-hero plot for herself. fundy’s works a little better i feel, with his lowkey insanity arc he’s having as of now, but the problem with him is he didn’t get enough lowkey plot moments to show his character’s devolution from neglected to vengeful. ranboo was thrown head first into the plot and while he’s doing an AMAZING job of keeping himself afloat, he just hasn’t had enough time to make his character’s mental decline seem believable, at least to me. not enought has happened to his character for it to work out, due to pacing. all of these character’s are AMAZING concepts but the fact that they feel so inconsistent can be related back to the fact that there really wasn’t any time given to let character’s slowly develop and change, and instead they had to cram all of their character development into the first 30 mins of a plot important stream.

and i will offer a counterargument here of the fact that season 3 is when wilbur’s writing stopped and also was when it really started catching a large audiences’ interest. so naturally more people wanted to be involved and due to the nature of the way this story is told, where each character is an actual CC who needs content and can’t just be a background support character, there HAS to be a lot going on for everyone to get their slice. and i think that’s the ultimate downfall of using this medium to tell a story. you NEED those background characters, the characters that don’t have to be 3 dimensional, the characters that don’t need to be there for everything and get their lines in. so i can’t fault them for having a clunky story when it has to be that way to be fair.

ultimately i still really enjoy the story, and i hope this doesn’t sound too nitpicky. it’s downfall, of everyone having to be an important character, is also what makes it so good! don’t like the “main character”? go watch someone else, who’s the main character of their own POV of the story. every single character is incredibly complex and has their own unique set of motivations, goals, and traits. it works really well with the running theme of history, and how not only does it repeat itself through miscommunication and ignorance but also how the opinion on events changes from who’s telling the story. the fact that you can tell every CC genuinely cares about their character also really does show in the acting and writing and just everything about the server and story. the flaws of the story are very easy to look over because of just how much time and care all of them put into this server and it really helps the story. an okay story written by passionate people with always be better than an amazing one written by apathetic storywriters; and the smp’s story is definitely more than just okay, at least to me.

i didn’t want to write this just to complain and then offer no solution, so i do have a few ideas on how i’d like to see this fixed or at least improved. they actually already somewhat do this, but i feel like they could start breaking up the plot more. similarly to how there was the bloodvines plot going on at the same time as tommy’s exile plot, i feel like they could take a chunk of say 5-10 members and they each have their semi-contained plot. especially with l’manberg now destroyed, the thing that way tying a lot of the members together, it would be easier to do this. there can be connecting threads through the stories, like how tubbo and fundy would see the bloodvines or bad would visit tommy in exile, but ultimately not every character has to be involved in everyone else’s story.

say you have tubbo, tommy, quackity, fundy, ghostbur, and dream for one plot of trying to get the discs back and making dream revive ghostbur. at the same time you can have techno, phil, ranboo, dream, and sam dealing with the prison and techno or someone being put in the prison with dream manipulating ranboo through his memories. bad, ant, sam, puffy, and skeppy can continue with the egg. eret, fundy, niki, and ghostbur work through the trauma they’ve gained from everything with l’manberg and their interpersonal relationships. similarly to how karl is doing the tales of the SMP right now, these storylines are self contained but characters can overlap and therefore so can relationships.

my other solution would honestly be to just work on the seemingly lack of communication. make sure everyone is getting the content they need (with people having to understand that not everyone is going to get the animatic worthy lines every stream, and not everyone gets to play a huge part in each event.) however this entails having a much more concrete script, which highkey removes the charm of the smp. it also means that inevitably someone is going to not be getting good content, or content at all, and that’s not fun or good for anyone. ultimately i’d like to see an improvement on the communication for the plot (niki feeling excluded, george and eret not being told about important events, communicating when people are trying to have genuine canon important speeches and not BMing them (cough cough tubbo at niki about her taxes cough cough techno during tubbo and tommys reunion)) and that doesn’t necessarily have to mean a fully fleshed out script.

in the end, what everyone on this server has managed to do with this storyline is something that’s genuinely impacted me! it’s opened my eyes to new ways stories can be told and this fandom is the first big one i’ve been in since probably fucking voltron or homestuck in the mid-2010s. i love what the CCs have managed to do, and while i think this was a healthy amount of criticism for the story i in no way want to demean just how much passion and effort the CCs put into this server. none of these people are professional story writers or actors so the amount of talent we’ve seen is astonishing. this is simply me expressing what i think the problems are, because every story has problems, especially one that’s being made with such a unique medium like improv roleplay streaming. if you have anything you wanna add please feel free to add to this post or reply! i’d love to see :) thank you for reading if you made it this far lmao

#posts #dream smp #mcyt #mcytblr #doomsday war #jan 6th stream

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maskedjoker · 4 years

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We are getting really close to the scene in lost fragment of snow that was genuinely confusing in the book, and it's the scene were everyone in the circus is killed. I think what we will probably get is a scene were mana finally ends up giving into despair after he is hit and then allen is fed to a lion.

I think that with more current info, i can say for sure that sleeve earl and mana are a hybird. This will likely cause a resurgence of sleeve earl into taking over the body and becoming whole. This only lasts for a short time however and when cross confronts him after the rest of the circus has died from the audience turning into akuma(which i suppose are implied to be constantly just around the earl and is probably one of the many reasons cross warned Allen to stay away) some exchange of words or damage causes a lots of control. This damage however also hurts mana(or potentially just being forced out off control) causing him to loose even more memories as seen when mana and Allen reunite the next day.

Now i think we can agree that sleeve earl exists as a third entity, especially since her recent art exhibit interview, as she talked about the suit being a super sophisticated golem. I think in this case as with tim and lero yhat "golem" refers to AI. Id argue with the weird phrasing like helix of life and all the biotech style that magic is more often than not just more advanced technology, and wherever the noahs came from likely was, hence why they say they only seem strong because we have become so weak. This is only further shown with innocences resemblance to machines like its gear like parts and percentage resonance.

The noah memories in general i think are some kind of AI that passes through generation lines, carrying significant portions of its past forward and then fusing with a similar person in their lineage. For example early on road would have been just road, then through some means either became an AI(or was given a piece of someone that counts as one under golem, its unclear). Regardless once connected to the noah memory, it acts like a save file and becomes more sophisticated with time. It carries each life and gives all those memories, feelings and drives to a new body. So new road would remember being road, her life and everything, but also the life they had been living up until the two combined. Over time the noah memory keeps getting larger and larger to the point new experiences are so small, relatively speaking, that it overrides much more than normal. Since they are fuzed as one being they likely cant be separated without mutually assured destruction, were the current entity will die and any remains will not be the origionals, if anything remains at all. An example of this is that tyki could not be made human by Allen I their fight i the arc, despite having a blade that should destroy only part of him. Admittedly tyki is a special case though, and more tyki backstory is needed.

Changes from body to body become more subtle, but the base, which likely has a distinct core function as seen by its response to certain tasks and ideas, remains a strong aspect. This creates an almost reincarnation like effect for them, needing to only find a new body to continue.

The suit is like this, but different. I don't know how the original earl split, but i do think that some aspect of him was placed on the suit. I would like to say its the original version of the noah memories of the earl and nea got like a brand new copy, but i actually have no idea what memories he has of being past earl so its mostly a guess. Regardless the noah actually all seem to transform in some way when they get mega pissed. Im looking at you skinn, jasdevi, and tyki/joyd. So the suit is likely that kind of thing, but way more distinct and capable of acting autonomously. Since they all have different forms it makes sense that his would also be unique. They all probably represent some inner desire related to their memory. Skinn is just rage so big angry man works fine. Jasdero and devit are bonds so they want most to be one. Tyki got all fucked up before he changed so i got nothing, but it had a heavy does of sadism, which I guess is pleasure? Taking into account that killing in horrible graphic ways is his guilty pleasure it kinda makes sense.

So because of that, this sentient AI is constantly trying to pair with half a fucking brain because nea and mana only share one brain cell. Some kind of resistance from mana or strain causes him to constantly fall ill or comatose. Now to be clear on naming, sleeve earl does not refer to themselves as adam in the mirror scene nor does he refer to mana as adam, and only uses "we" when talking to mana about being the earl. Oddly enough the earls self pronouns are we, using wagashi which is kind of like the japanese equivalent of the royal we used in europe for the entirety of the series. For the record, mana in the flashbacks uses male or single they pronouns, i don't remember if he uses boku or watashi, but he uses at least one if not both.

So from this it seems millennium earl is a title, used by whatever is paired with the suit. Adam is the original name of the noah, and is the preferred name of the current earl aside from the title.

This circumstance was likely caused by the rest of the noah, who are using the earl for something related by the pillar. His separation either by accident or by intent was likely by the hands of his family trying to keep control for their ends. This is why the current earl is called a broken puppet and has so many things around him related to acting and stage plays. He is playing a role, the red clown to allens white clown as stated in the ark arc. He even wears a mask. His memories and mind have been damaged though, therefore broken. However broken puppet for both allen and the earl could also refer to a puppet that doesnt work as a double meaning, implying they can no longer be controlled or puppeted.

It is also implied that he is still unaware of this betrayal, but it is likely nea does to some degree as it would explain why he became a traitor and killed his own family. To be clear, i dont think all of the noah know everything, and i dont think they dont actually care for the earl. It seems they still genuinely follow him to their death and see him as one of their own, especially in cases like road, tyki and wisely.

Now early i said that different generations of noah would cope woth reincarnating differently. Since the earl only died once before 7000 years ago, id say resetting to a new body with only 17 years would be just smashed flat by any algorithm with that much data. However manas feelings are still the newest, and so still have an impact even on the current earl.

Now we come to resurrecting mana. How? Why? Well i dont know. But my guess is whatever part was the memories of mana for the 20 or so years he lived, or at least his memories at death, are in allen. His curse and weird hallucinations of mana seem to suggest it. Alternatively that part of his soul may have passed on, or it fuzed with the noah memory making the origional mana part of the hive and much like tyki and his noah memories cannot be seperated. Not good regardless.

As two additional things, i want to mention that hoshino is a twin and has always been obsessed with it, so having twins in her book was inevitable. What is extra weird is hoshino was actually going to be a triplet, but either her or her sister absorbed it before birth. She has mentioned it in dgm interviews and i cant PROVE it translates to anything in the plot but its suspicious. She also still list mana, nea and the earl as distinct in every book up to date in extra novels and at the start of her books. Oh and her favorite hat for the earl right now? The one featured on the most recent chapter? Has two faces on the front that are visible, and one in the back thats hidden, and the most recent art has the back face as the only one visible, angrily staring allen down. Great art foreshadowing if im right. Its also usually sleeve earl, if not exclusively, that wear it.

The second thing is mana talking about love and drive in the most recent chapter just brings up the earl having the noah memory of love or devotion or something for me. Ive written about it before but it just seems to fit. This character is all about that from the ability to fuze loved ones together to the hearts he talks with and his drives being based on grand acts of devotion, being by their side etc. Mana also loved and adopted both and dog and a homeless child and keeps talking about how the world is so beautiful despite all the bad. The earl literally acts like the whole noah clans mom by his own words and cooks for them, and both of them go out of their way to be cartoony to break tension. The earl literally goes and buys a single red rose from a poor girl while tyki pontificate on how he doesnt act like a villain. He doesnt take an umbrella because he wants to feel the rain. He talks about how what he does is in human nature and requires a connection between two people. He is even designed with his ideal colors as red and purple with white, as well as being designed after flowers. I know this probably doesnt make sense, but its stuck in my head.

#long post #ramble #mine #dgm #d. gray man #spoilers #theory #mana #nea #adam #millennium earl

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huntsman-ash · 3 years

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RWBY V8E5 LiveThoughts

And now for the last episode before the HUGE break they’re taking. Seriously, February? Damn, whats going on at RT?

It matters not. Lets see what this weeks episode has for us.

And here we see Aminety Colloseum, the place that Atlas SHOULD have weaponized the moment it rolled its way back here. Seriously look at it; floating free away from everything else...you could mount missile launchers and laser batteries and CIWS batteries on it, launch fighters from it, let dropships deploy through its base...a floating aircraft carrier of unprecidented size.

Or maybe turn it into a weapon...use its drive system to focus Dust energy into some kind of gravitational force...thats just me though.

Missed oppertunites...ah well.

You CAN see its been adjusted though, it looks less like the sports arena from its last apperance and more like a floating coms hub, with those dishes on the outside and the huge spire.

Intersetingly if you look in the upper right corner the moon is there but almost completely covered by the storm Salem summoned. Interesting.

Wait why is PEITRO out there? With like...no supports? Seems kinda dangerous to send the weak old dude out there...

...thats a bomb. A Dust bomb in pipe bomb style form but thats very much a bomb. Yes, Penny, danger indeed.

Atmospheric orbit. Ahhh that must be the low-level orbit path that they need to ensure it doesnt loose power. The part where you coast along with almost no drag. Like what the X-15 hit in our world, and punched through at least once.

WAIT WHAT THE HELL IS THAT. Thats some kind of loader mech. THATS A FUCKING UTILITY TITAN. WHEN DID ATLAS GET ONE OF THOSE?!

Also thats a jet engine.

And Maria’s piloting it. To quote Daimon Baird; I know wha thappens when you let an angry chick loose with a power loader.

Multiple bombs...wait. Thats the mine that RWBY fought in with the Aces, the one that almost blew the fuck up. They’re... Oh. I get it now. They’re gonna use the blast to fling Amneity into upper orbit and stabalize it. Clever. Not exactly SAFE, but clever. Just hope the mine doesnt go anywhere important. Those tunnels are going to turn into firestorms.

Cute, she thinks she can stay and help. Trust me, Penny. You’re better off running.

MARIA CASUALLY DOING THE MEXICAN GRANDMOTHER THING WITH HER MECH...THE HIP HAND. MY GOD.

Oh, and his chair has gravity restraints too. They...gonna handle the impact of the launch? I mean thats literally a fuel/air bomb under them. Dust/air...

Well Maria seems alright with it.

OH GOD DAMMIT. Its Cinder isnt it? Fucking bitch...

On the positive side if she DOES hitch a ride then they get a chance to give her the ol’ “Long fall special”. Lets see your maiden powers save you from a fall from near orbit.

Well then, she burned right through the floor. Interesting. Maiden powers or her own, who knows...I do admit seeing her ride the ship in like that is kinda cool.

The eagerness in Cinders remaining eye interest me. Also, even when using maiden powers, her dead eye emits nothing. So that whole parts just gone.

Secondary note, I think they’re standing on the...Shade emblem? Shade is the swords I think. Vale is the axes, Atlas is the staff, Havens the lamp. Doubt it means anything.

Ahhh, okay I was gonna say, that launch was...kinda lackluster. But the blast is being used as a BOOST on top of the four existing external thrusters. Like the yellow emergency turbines on the outside of the Pillar of Autumn in the end cutscene of Halo Reach

Dust explodes in its own individual colors. The blast under them looks like a Pride festival.

Also Penny just going WHAP like that amuses me, whereas Cinder just crouches. Guess she knew what was coming.

I dont see how the blast is helping through...maybe its the pressure wave and we cant see it right.

Now THAT is a command and control table!

Based on the image I can see, the map is showing “Atlas Mantle” in the middle in green, Aminety in red to the north, and the whale as its own red marker just off to the west a bit of Atlas/Mantle. So now we know where everything is stationed.

The scales all kindsa weird tho

Ah THERES the G-force. Emeralds literally stuck to the floor.

And because Cinders an unoriginal bitch, fire swords. Im not impressed ot say the least. On a side note that DOES mean that radiobandit was right about her powers, so theres that. I’d wager this is a combination of her semblance and the maiden abilities.

For those who follow me, Cinder’s blades here are similar in look to what Ash Vulcan can summon, minus the fire. His are more of a cooled obsidian look. They are, however, as sharp as these are, but much less sturdy. Ex; the one that pins itself to the wall by Penny’s head would have shattered on impact, which Ash uses as a secondary ability. Because no one likes a hundred glass shards in their eyes...

OH HELL YES. Maria with the mech. Now, Cinder...TASTE METAL FIST.

RT...I salute you. Angry mother figure piloting a giant robot screaming “get away from her you bitch”. ALMOST had it. Almost.

What smacked into her though. Neo?

Yes, Neo piloting their escape craft. Interseting.

Emerald looks completely useless and confused and Neo is suddenly very much in a realization shes inside a tin can and MARIA IS OPERATING A GIANT TIN CAN OPENER

Emeralds semblance works on Maria. Interseting, so it must bypass eyes. Effect the brain specifically. Note to self for Chrys on that...

WHY did Neo take Ruby’s form when shes fighting Maria? On that Maria seems very happy to brawl on the ground now. Old habits die hard, I guess.

Additional math note; “broadcasting range” is, by this numerical, 543.523 of...whatever Remnant uses as units. On Earth, the edge of outerspace is almost exactly 100 km, or 62 miles, straight up. So going by that measurement... (Doing the math here hang on)...1 km is equal to 5.43 of Remnants distance units. Lets just say 5.5. Assuming Remnants edge is the same (but everything we’ve seen so far hints that it is, or at least very close)

Alternatively, since we heard klicks used in V4, but miles used in After The Fall, we can assume this is one of those, meaning that either broadcast altitude on Remnant is ABSURDLY HIGH, because 500km is literally 5 times the edge of space on earth, and 540 miles is ALMOST 9 TIMES AS HIGH. Either way Im pretty sure this is the first measurement of Remnants units we’ve seen.

Alternatively alternatively, judging by the arrows we see, these might be required velocity to maintain orbit, which MAY make a bit more sense but it doesnt really fit. Low orbital velocity on earth for example is 17,000 KPH. Even with the math above, theres still a TITANIC difference.

And now we see the numvers going down again because CINDER BURNED A HOLE IN THROUGH ONE OF THE STABALIZERS. Bitch.

Again on th e weaponizing the colleseum; look at all this empty space. They didnt even remove it from when it was a consorse for the festival. You could put SO MANY weapon emplacements...the landing pads are still there!

Oh so now Cinders a Dawnblade from RWBY is she.

And exploding arrows too. Alright then, sure, why not.

Not sure what the point of this little bit was, aside from Penny trying to draw Cinder off and Cinder going back because...evil? Bait for Penny? Who knows.

Oh yeah, Marias having a GOOD time. Also, Neos face when she gets kicked in it; “NO, NOT THE SANDEL!”

Also the disrespect from Maria. Yes. Suck it, Neo.

Also theres some timeskippage, as there is NOT a 2 minute gap between when we see the clock the first time and when we see it now. I dont think, anyway. Im sure theres math to be done but it serves the purpose its suppose to, for tension.

Uhhhh...Cinder, please. Your Salem’s most bottom of bitches right now. She favors Hazel and Tyrian over you.

Did Cinder really just try for a does not compute moment. Or is she just out of ideas.

Cinder stealing the maiden powers reminds me of the Grip of the Devourer perk from the Necromatic Grips in Destiny 2. Mainly the green energy flowing. I know thats Pennys aura stuff but it does remind me.

Ahhh they got a plan with Emerald then. Interesting. Also Neo taking advantage of a distraction sounds like her.

And Penny ONESHOTS Neo. Lets be real here, without aura? She’d be LIQUID. Or maybe ash. Not sure how Penny’s funnels (THEYRE STILL FUCKING FUNNELS DAMMIT) works.

Annnnddd you forgot shes a robot and sees aura didn’t you. Again, without aura, she’d be dead. Actually, she might legit be dead considering that scream. That sounds like the noise someone makes as their organs are fried by high intensity radiation. Not too mention the MASSIVE BURN MARK on the back wall there.

Either way; GET FUCKED BITCH.

Very dramatic, Emerald, but really, come on. Penny has lasers. You would get maybe one more shot (from a weapon that has, at best from my viewpoint) a caliber equal to MAYBE a 9mm pistol. That stuff doesnt have the penetration power required.

If Penny wasn’t nice and more interested in saving Peitro...you’d be dead. Ripped asunder and Cinder made even worse.

A pity, really, Penny has a heart. But...hey. Real girl.

I feed upon Emeralds tears though. Mmm. Simpy.

What the HELL is hitting them. Grimm?

Oh boy here we go, more of this. Like...bruh. Just set down for a bit. Always gotta be dramatic dont ya

Aww. Touching. But pointless in the grand scheme of things.

Interesting note but she puts her gloved hand on his cheek, not the one with the glove burned off. For what thats worth again.

Holy shit, that map wasnt lying. That whale’s almost as big as Atlas is from this angle. Mind you, might just be a trick of the location but it would make sense if they were afraid of a Grimm THAT GOD DAMN BIG. I was just seeing it as like, about the size of a normal sperm whale, maybe as big as the Leviathan from the series of the same name, but even that was barely 150 feet long. This things HUGE.

Nope. Pretty sure its about the same size as Atlas is long.

Also the Moon seems smaller from this angle oddly enough.

Wait is she gonna superman this fucking thing?

Okay yes, the numbers were based on distance not velocity, as Penny is pushing the stadium UP, rather than accelerating it in proper stance.

The noises she makes...huh. Glad my sister didnt walk in on those. Sounds...not like someone straining.

Hey look, its clumsy shitface McGee. HES NOT DEAD!

Note about the message; whos the chick with the eye patch next to the faunus in the back left of Ruby.

Im going to assume the first place we see the message played is the Mistral Black Market. Seems fitting for how it is, and the design matches Havens ascetic.

OH MY GOD THE LITTLE EARED FAUNUS GIRL IN THE HOLE. OH NO. SHES TOO CUTE.

Also in that same shot we see the old Karen from two episodes ago, a mouse girl, Fiona’s mole uncle, and someone new I think. Plus the huge eared girls mom who has a fox tail. And also one of the thirsty moms and her kid maybe?

Hey, Sun and Neptune! Out in the middle of nowhere in Vacuo. So this is the first time we’ve seen it in the show.

And Ilia’s still alive too!

Hey and Goodwytch too. No voice, of course...she got fired ages ago.

Also hey, so this is where Ironwoods been. I love how Hare turns it off before Ruby finishes.

I will note that technically Ruby’s not wrong. Ironwood cant be trusted. But then, he couldnt before because (gestures to Atlas’s pathetic, scraggy SOFT “military” instead of THE CHAD FORCES OF...uh...) (Rapid sounds of shuffling papers and files labeled “UNSC” “Coalition of Ordered Governments” “SRPA” “GAR” and “Yukon Confederacy” fly off the table)

Several others. Yes. Lets go with that. (Accidentally bumps paper labeled “Vanguard” off the desk)

Watts is back out I see too.

Wait wait wait. Penny’s blades operate via chips...part of her, sure. So WHY does she need wires on them? AGAIN. WHY ARE THEY WIRE FUNNELS AND NOT SEPERATE ONES.

Interestingly the inside of the one Watts has resembles a Scroll...did Peitro commender that technology?

No focusing system for the laser. No chamber for acceleration or direction. Odd.

Salem looks oddly glad for this. Probably cause she thinks this is going to spread more fear.

And Ruby gets to the heart of the deal. You dont beat something that cant be killed. You capture it. Hurt it. BREAK IT. A sentient being can only take so much punishment before it shatters into madness and controllable fragments. You just. Need. To. Hit. It. HARD. ENOUGH.

Additionally Ruby’s got a point there too. Salem played the shadows until this moment when everything was going her way. So...whats she afraid of.

Annnnddd thats all it takes to hijack Penny? Seriously.

Fuckin god damn useless Atlas bullshit fucking...(LONG SUFFERING SIGH OF A TECH NERD)

Hey theres Taiyang. Where’s Raven?

Wait hold on a second. She catches fire literally two seconds after she falls? You gotta fall a bit more than that for shit to start happening. WHAT THE FUCK IS REMNANTS ATMOSPHERE?! Or is it just dramatic...

Also as a small note the way the coms between her and Peitro cut off like that is accurate to reentry; during the hottest part of a splashdown, a space craft creates such a huge trail of energy behind it, rattling and burning its way down, it creates a blackout with its own passage. So based on the massive Apollo style reentry fire cone shes already putting out shes most likely going to be out of coms until she slows down orrrrrr craters into Remnants surface with the force of a meteor.

And no. I dont think shes dead. The fact that, DESPITE being surrounded by the kind of fireball that worked its way into the fueltank of the space shuttle Discovery and blew it and its crew to bits on reentry, she was still intact...shes probably going to be fine.

Hacked, certainly, but fine. It takes more than that to finish her. Besides now that shes hacked, she has to fight Ruby. We all want that right?

Ahh good to see Winter in full armor now. Or...close to it. Im sure some of its a support rig for her injuries but I like to think this is the start of Atlas’s Specialist Weaponization Program.

Ironwood makes a good call here. Same thought process as mine.

Salutes in this world are the same as ours. Interesting. Must change that for the HKs

Annnndd of course Watts steals the busted Scroll because IRONWOOD IS A FUCKING DUMBASS

...um.

Im...not even going to COMMENT on what the FUCK this thing is that Jaunes detachment found.

Also why is there A TREE in the tundra?

Oh, caustic. Interesting.

Mmmm. (Pause. Fingers to lips)

Thats your plan, Salem? To literally leak liquid Grimm into Mantle.

More silence.

Ladies and gentlemen...Salem is, officially, THE WORST VILLAN. OF ALL TIME.

The level of incompetence and stupidity I have seen here today completely obliterates the LAST person to hold that title, President Snow from the Hunger Games.

The amount of unnececary back door work and seecret plotting here astounds me. Shes doing this because she can, Im SURE of it. Theres no other reason.

Unless...she kows in a straight out fight, she’d have Ironwoods metal arm up to her colon in seconds. Which I wouldnt be surprised about.

Either way uh...thats it. Thats the end of the episode.

Nice fight, at least.

See you all in Febuary!

EDIT: NOT FEBUARY, the break is a few more episodes after this

#spoilers #rwby spoilers #rwby #rwby v8

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flowerbeom · 5 years

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Go For Broke | 03

Im Jaebeom x Older Female!Reader

Genre: Fuckboy!AU, Aspiring Songwriter!AU, Slow Burn, Angst/Humour/Smut (loads)

Warnings: Incredibly mature themes, Swearing, Explicit smut scenes.

Word Count: 3.1k

Concept: Premier fuckboy Im Jaebeom is used to getting his way. Though, he wants more, he craves more. He wants his music to be heard, he wants his music to be loved. So when he learns that the attractive woman he buys records from has an connection that’ll get him into the industry, he uses every trick in his book to get in. Seduction is his game, and he plays to win.

A/N: The ride continues.... Also this chapter is dedicated to my honey, Valentina. Happy birthday, gorgeous.

All GIF credits for this series go to @defsenses.

→ Mood Board → Series Index

Jaebeom palmed the beads of sweat that rolled down the edges of his brow that collected at the corners of his mouth. Sitting flat on his ass, he was bent over, head almost between his knees; Jaebeom fought against his rapid heartbeat to make his chest rise and fall slowly to catch his breath. His entire body tingled, as if he could feel his blood racing through every vein and tried to blink away the little white dots that were invading his field of vision. His arm shook when it lifted the bottle of water to his lips. Jaebeom grimaced when he had to palm away sweat and whatever he couldn’t pour into his mouth. He was done.

It took two hours. Two hours for Yugyeom to teach Jaebeom the choreography he had been diligently creating for the last week. It took two hours because Jaebeom only had two hours. He had work that morning. And despite the absolute confusion Yugyeom felt carve into his face when Jaebeom called him at five-am to ask him if he was at his studio and if he was free to ‘hang out’ - which always meant that he had some issue he rather not talk about but needed to be around someone so he could figure it out in his head and dancing just so happened to be the best method to do that - Yugyeom happily told him to come down.

And Yugyeom knew that, it had been that way for years. So, in front of fogging mirrors and music that was probably too loud to be playing before the sun had even fully risen, Yugyeom taught Jaebeom every step he had poured blood, sweat and ramen flavoured tears into. And by the end of the two hours, Jaebeom hit every one of them perfectly. Yugyeom was impressed. Jaebeom was exhausted. So he crawled to the shower. Yes, crawled. He wasn’t the least bit embarrassed. Yugyeom had seen worse. Much worse.

On two feet, Jaebeom returned to the studio to find Yugyeom sitting on the floor; his long legs crossed beneath him - the straw from his juicebox sitting perfectly in the centre of his perfectly pursed lips. Roughly rubbing the towel through his hair, Jaebeom waved a dismissing hand when Yugyeom looked up and pointed a suggestive finger towards his juicebox; Yugyeom was all the sweetness Jaebeom needed that morning.

Jaebeom awkwardly flopped to the ground, legs spilling out in front of him before neatly folding them beneath him. He heard Yugyeom hum in his throat, an excited pitch that made him lift his eyes from his otherwise blank phone to Yugyeom’s otherwise occupied expression.

“Hyung, are you free Sunday? Youngjae-hyung wants to go bowling.” Jaebeom’s eyes dropped to his phone again, still blank.

“This Sunday, you mean tomorrow?” Yugyeom nodded with the full axis range of his neck. “I can’t, sorry.”

“Oh, that’s okay!” Yugyeom’s smile was proof he didn’t really mind, his eyes disappearing behind the swell of his cheeks. “Are you working?”

“No I’m meeting someone.” Yugyeom’s playful innocence couldn’t let it go.

“Oh what for?” Jaebeom closed his eyes for a moment, pulling in a shallow breath that stung his teeth before releasing it through his nose.

“A, umm..” Jaebeom didn’t know what else to call it. “I’ve got a date.”

"A date? Hyung that's so cool! I wish I had time for dates, I don't even know what day it is.” A verbal tidal wave was coming, and Jaebeom braced for impact.

“Is she pretty? I bet she's pretty. I mean look at you, of course she'd be pretty. Not that I’ve been looking at you, I mean you're attractive, but I’m not into you like that.” Yugyeom paused for breath, then saw Jaebeom’s jaw drop slightly and Yugyeom’s eyes shot open.

“But if I was, then of course I would be! You're really pretty for a man! Not saying that men can't be pretty, but you're like extra handsome. You're just very appealing, so obviously the girl you're going out with would be pretty. Unless you're shallow, but you're not. Right? You're not shallow, of course you're not shallow but I bet she's still pretty. Should I stop talking now?"

Yugyeom’s lips were pulled back in a toothy grimace as his shaking eyes tried to read Jaebeom’s expression. Jaebeom’s right eye was twitching, his mouth fallen open in disbelieving awe at all the words that tumbled out of Yugyeom’s mouth. Though, at the very corner of his lips was the faintest trace of a smile. Yugyeom’s tension released when Jaebeom’s chest emptied with a gentle sigh.

“No, you’re right.” Jaebeom’s eyes veered from Yugyeom’s soft gaze to the very corner of his memory. “She is pretty.”

Saturday’s were busy, they were always busy. But by eleven in the morning, the steady stream of customers that flowed in and out of your store had already left you wishing you had hired that sprightly little nineteen year old who came in three months prior asking for a part-time job but refused her because you knew she only wanted the job because of the good looking waiter across the street who had caught her eye. You had seen the exchange of looks and one-sided flirtatious banter before she walked in that day. And sure, Jaebeom did look exceptionally good that day, but you weren’t going to put yourself through that potential headache; no matter how much help you needed at that moment.

Though despite how busy it was, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were being watched. As if you could feel the burn of scrutinizing eyes and it made you tense; rattling you every time you turned away from the front door.

While ushering a customer to the shoegaze section, you felt a chill run up your spine; the burning sensation replaced rather quickly with ice. Turning sharply, you caught the eyes of a beanie-clad, gentleman whose posture was straighter than anything you had ever seen before and watched him avert his gaze clumsily onto his phone he was juggling equally as clumsily in his hands. You squinted, confused and a little uncomfortable but let your head follow your body as you turned to answer the shoegaze-loving customer’s question at the counter.

It was midway through putting through the sale when you could feel eyes on you once again; sharper, more intense than before and it made you shiver. Lifting your gaze from your hands as you gave Mr. Shoegaze his change, you braced for clumsy eyes but found alarmingly bolder ones instead.

“Kid...” Jaebeom slid his shoulder across the door-frame to let Mr. Shoegaze pass, a flat white balanced perfectly on the saucer in his hand. You went to speak, but Jaebeom pushed off his shoulder to approach the counter, placing the coffee down - almost directly into your hand.

“Yes, I know you asked for these to come in take-away cups, but you know Mr. A..” Jaebeom delayed when you nodded meekly.

“He likes it when you return the cup.” His tone dry.

“And I bet he likes watching me leave even more.” Said directly into the lip of the cup as you took a sip; smirking when you caught Jaebeom bury a laugh behind a cocked brow and hollowed cheeks. You stopped yourself from imagining the glances Jaebeom spared you whenever you walked away from him. On the other hand, Jaebeom let his imagination take reign.

Jaebeom slowly slid his hands into the pockets of his apron as his eyes wandered from your hands that wrapped delicately around the cup to your eyes that seemed to blink in slow motion.

“About tomor..”

The rest of Jaebeom’s question stuttered to a halt in his throat when you quickly placed the cup down and shifted your focus to the group of customers that entered the store. You watched them quietly approach racks they seemed be accustomed with and sift through records like regulars. And after a second of inspection, you realised - they were regulars. Picking up the cup, you took another swig of caffeine you seemed to have really needed and let your eyes swing back to Jaebeom.

“Sorry, you were saying?” Jaebeom exhaled thinly.

“About tomorrow, have you decided where you wanted to go?” You saw his jaw tick though his eyes were soft. Black pools of undiscerning warmth that unnerved you as you stood across from him.

“Ahhh, no. Sorry. I’ve been really bus-” And as if cued by the universe to show just how busy you were, a customer approached the counter with a bundle of records in hand, cutting off your explanation and leaving Jaebeom to shuffle back towards the door. All you could do was mouth apologies as you juggled vinyl and cash.

“Hi - Sorry - just those ones today? - I’ll message you - Yeh, no problem!” Jaebeom took in a sharp breath and let it out laboriously through his nose; vexed - but nodded; resigning again to waiting for you to message. Something he had never done with anyone before you. Jaebeom felt his neck flare at the thought as he watched you for a moment before he turned slowly out the door.

Crossing the street languidly, Jaebeom almost made it the couple at table three who waved at him gingerly to take their order before he felt a hand cup his shoulder. Jaebeom shifted his weight onto his back foot and angled his chin over his shoulder; his eyes catching your body glide around him to stand in his path.

He felt your hand slide under his to lift it, turning over his palm to place the cup and saucer in it. Jaebeom tensed, possibly for he suddenly understood what made Mr. Abramski love denying you take-away cups; seeing you that close was unraveling. Your smile was kind, as if you had seen the flush of irritation swarm Jaebeom’s face when you had sent him off.

“Hey.” Hand still cupping the underside of his.

“Hey?” Jaebeom’s eyes flickered and you drew back your hand, pulling at the hem of your t-shirt for no reason other than to wipe the warmth of Jaebeom’s hand off of it.

“Sorry about before.”

“It’s fine.” Your eyes locked in his gaze and it made you forget what you ran across the street to say. Jaebeom’s head tipped slightly, a physical cue for you to finish what you started; but you had never really looked at him before. That sprightly nineteen year old was onto something after all. Jaebeom’s head tipped further and when you still didn’t speak, he swallowed slowly enough for your eyes to follow his adam’s apple carve down his neck.

“I should really get back to work.” But Jaebeom didn’t move, his feet stayed planted directly across from yours. A gesture of fortitude not lost on you.

“Yeh, shit sorry. But about tomorrow…” Jaebeom’s straightened, minutely, but enough to make you bite the edge of your lip.

“Umm, meet me on the corner of 12th and Hoyeon Avenue, in South District. There’s a bar there I like. Okay?” The edge of your lip was between your teeth again, and Jaebeom tugged on his sanity that got hurled through a metaphorical window when he caught himself staring at it for more than a few seconds.

“Is around eight alright?” You asked before he could respond to the first suggestion, acutely aware of the large European owner beckoning from behind the coffee machine and the beanie-clad sir obviously watching your interaction from behind his breakfast burrito whilst failing at trying not to seem obvious. You hummed through pouted lips and Jaebeom twitched at the sound.

“Ahh yeh. Yeh, that sounds good.” Jaebeom raked back his fringe before leaving his hand to rest on the back of his neck; eyes cast to the horizon. “12th and Hoyeon. Eight o’clock. Sure.”

Flatly tapping Jaebeom on the arm as you grinned with satisfaction, you jogged back to your store; bowing apologetically for making a regular wait to speak to you. Jaebeom finally moved, tearing his eyes away from your hospitable smile and towards table three; but was stopped by clumsy eyes.

“Smooth.” Jackson condescended. Jaebeom glared.

“You have avocado on your nose.” Jackson scraped the back of his hand across his face.

“What the fuck, man!” Jackson, marred with embarrassment, threw a questioning scowl at Jaebeom. He only replied with a shrug, choosing to ignore Jackson hurl curses under his breath.

He was nothing but absentminded for the rest of his shift, repeating the address he was given in his head over and over again. Jaebeom knew exactly where you wanted to go. He knew it all too well.

Jaebeom checked his reflection in the window of the umpteenth empty store he passed on his walk to meet you. Pulling the sleeve of his white long-sleeve shirt out to show beneath the cuff of his denim jacket. Jaebeom gave his outfit of choice another once over; from his low profile white sneakers to the black slacks he opted over jeans. Jaebeom wasn’t sure why he was being so critical of his appearance, or why he had spent the majority of that day cleaning his already clean apartment all so he didn’t spin out of control just staring at the clock until it was time to get ready and leave.

Jaebeom didn’t know why he cared at all. This date, this whole thing with you, everything about you was a business transaction. Nothing more. A simple manipulation of lust and longing to get what he wanted. But Jaebeom knew deep down what would happen if he wasn’t careful.

Jaebeom carded his hands through his hair and down his cheeks before slapping them hard against his face to knock him back on track. You would not win. Firmly pulling down the front of his jacket, Jaebeom steeled himself with a thick inhale only for it to hang suspended in his throat when his phone began to ring in his pocket. A thin sigh floated through his lips until he saw the name on the screen; a quiet smile replacing his frown.

“Hey Dad.” Jaebeom turned away from the window, his feet leading him without thought.

“Yeh, I’m good. You, you alright?” Jaebeom laughed, unabashedly; in the way only his Dad could make him.

“Yeh, yeh sure. I bet. Anyway, how’s the tour?” Jaebeom cast his eyes to the shifting moon in the distant sky; still veiled with the glow from the setting summer sun - only showing the very boldest of its charms. Jaebeom turned onto Hoyeon Ave without realising he was even there.

“Dad, that’s amazing. I told you! And no, come on. We talked about this already.” Jaebeom pulled his index finger along the bottom of his nose, fingertip grazing across his cheek; a childish tick he never grew out of.

“No, Dad. I want to do it on my own. I appreciate the offer, but I want it to be because I made it. Not because I’m your son. Please. Just let me try.” Jaebeom fiddled with the chain of his necklace, fingertips gliding along the silver while his thumb traced the edge of the pendant.

“Okay okay, maybe! Next time you’re in town. How’s Camille?” Jaebeom crossed 14th then found his feet frozen midway to 13th.

“What do you mean she left you?” Jaebeom’s free hand lifted to his nape, fingers rubbing the top vertebrae aggressively as he listened to his father. Concerned lines etched between his brows, his foot kicking loose pebbles across the pavement; his father’s sadness soaking into his chest.

“Dad, I--, I know you don’t want me to say this, but I told you not to take her on tour with you. I knew she wasn’t going to stick around. Da-- Dad. Dad, come on.” Jaebeom raked back his hair with more hostility than before and let his head fall back; a silent plea to the heavens.

“I’m just sick of watching you get hurt, Dad! I’m sick of watching you get your heart broken! Ever since Mum di--..” Jaebeom slapped a hand onto his mouth, muffling the groan in his throat and tore at his face under the grip of his fingertips. Tears threatening to fall.

“No, no don’t you dare put this back on me.” His voice had lowered to a thin sabre, piercing quietly through the air with as much viciousness a man fuelled by anguish could be. His feet began to move again, marching down Hoyeon Ave, unaware how close he was getting to the corner of 12th.

“Dad, this isn’t about me, I’m fine.” And then Jaebeom saw you. Standing beside a lamp-post, leaning one shoulder against it; one ankle crossed over the other, both hands resting in the pockets of your leather jacket. Jaebeom’s body shivered to a halt; a restless calm washing over him and tilted his head into the phone placed against his ear.

“Yeh, I know. I miss you, too.” A playful breeze lifted your hair off your shoulder; strands caressing your face and Jaebeom watched you rock your head back to shake your hair behind your shoulders. His eyes followed your face as it angled to the horizon, the amber and magenta hue of the sunset painting your face in golden light. Jaebeom thumbed the edge of his bottom lip, a breath slipping past it.

“I love you too, Dad.” Jaebeom’s hands dipped into his pants pockets, burying his phone deep into the fabric. Upon taking a step off the curb, Jaebeom met your eyes as they lifted to spot him crossing the road. He smiled, almost too tenderly and watched you step away from the lamp-post towards him; the hem of your crimson red dress dancing across your thighs as you approached.

Jaebeom could hear your leather boots click against the pavement in high-definition; the intensity of your stare keeping his eyes glued on your face. Jaebeom forced his smile to drop to leave a smolder to paint across his face; eyes alluring, his expression matching yours.

You met a foot apart, the peak of your lips outlined by honeyed-light and Jaebeom fought the urge to stare at them. He bit down his tongue's desire to push a swallow down his throat when your mouth opened; the deep pink plumpness of your lips curving to speak.

“Hey, Kid.” Jaebeom’s eyes flickered for the split second you bit your bottom lip. “Ready to go?”

With a tick of his jaw and the sound of your voice edging him on, Jaebeom was ready. For you, he had to be.

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chaptersinprogress · 4 years

Text

romeo this ain’t a tragedy, it’s a goddamn romance

The front door slammed open with a bang and a man in the Royal Thai Police uniform strode out.

“Stop right there boy!" he shouted, voice carrying clearly across the space.

Kongpob froze with his hand poised to throw the 10th egg. Fuckity fucking fuck.

Rating: M

Warnings: swearing, mentions of blackmail, violence, murder

Pairings: Arthit/Kongpob, brief Prae/Ting

Prompt: ‘im egging your house for a dare but your parent is a cop and they’re yelling at me so i told them that you were my ex and you wronged me and now you’re coming outside and please go along with this i don’t want to go to jail’ au - by @mraculous

an au of demolition lovers

Rage flooded Kongpob's veins as a laughing John and his friends displayed the damning photos in high-definition. Aim and Tew were frozen beside him, shocked and horrified by what they were seeing and the implications.

Photo after photo flickered by in a mocking slideshow - pictures of himself, Aim, Tew and Wad in varying states of undress in the university locker rooms, and some looking like they were picking fights with other people.

If the photos had been of Kongpob alone, he wouldn't have worried too much. There was nothing in there that could truly damage him irreparably even if they had been released.

Yes, his reputation would take a hit, but that could be easily cleared up. Besides, money talked, and he was fortunate enough to come from a family both financially and politically powerful. The whole situation could've been hushed up and action taken against the perpetrators.

But it wasn't just him involved.

Worst of all were the pictures of Prae and Ting. Plenty of candid photographs and selfies made it obvious that their relationship went far deeper than friendship. And some of them were very clearly meant to be private.

Case in point: the final picture - a sultry photo of Prae on a bed in the nude, sheets artfully draped over her curves.

If those pictures were leaked, the impact on Prae, her girlfriend, and their families would be devastating. Not only would Prae stand to lose her title as Campus Star, but the media would pounce on the scandal surrounding the heiress of one of the most prominent engineering firms in Thailand. That wasn't even considering the risk the company's position and the livelihood of their employees would face.

However, that wasn't what troubled him the most. The more pending concern was just how P'John and his goons had gotten their grubby paws on those last few photos. Because Prae and Ting were anything but careless. And since the probability that they could've gotten them from Ting was almost nil, that meant that they had a mole among their cohort.

Kongpob's lips curled over his teeth in a barely concealed snarl.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Tew shift slightly, subtly pulling out his phone and texting someone with one-hand, carefully concealing it behind his back. Some of the tension that had pulled his shoulders tight bled out.

Tew must've updated Ting on the situation. And if Ting knew, Ram would soon find out, and so would Duen. Savage satisfaction warmed his chest. Those poor idiots had no idea what they had gotten themselves into. He idly wondered if their bodies would ever turn up.

When the fools started talking again, he forced himself to pay a modicum of attention to them. He just needed to play along until the Chao Pho dealt with the photographs.

Except, the situation soon escalated far beyond his control.

Kongpob gritted his teeth as his hands shook, from anger or fear he wasn't too sure himself. The knife John's friend was digging into Aim's throat caused blood to drip slowly down the boy's neck, staining the collar of his shirt dark pink. Tew was pinned to the floor, John's other buddy kneeling on his back, twisting his arms at a painful angle behind him.

Their phones had been taken and smashed to pieces. In the dark of the alleyway they were all standing in, shadowed by the evening sky, they were very unlikely to get help from any passersby.

"What the fuck do you want, Ai'John?" Kongpob spat.

"I would suggest you think carefully about how you address me, Ai'Kong. I'm the one with the photos after all," said John with a smirk, shaking his own phone mockingly. He tapped his chin in mock consideration, "But you know what? I'm a nice guy."

He continued, "I just need you to do a very simple thing. You see that house there? All you have to do is egg it with these dozen eggs, one by one. But they must break open on the house itself; no dumping them on the lawn."

Kongpob narrowed his eyes. "And why would I do that?"

"I didn't take you to be a coward, Kongpob. Heard that you were such as hero standing up to your hazers, but you can't do this simple thing." John laughed.

"Well if you do it, I promise to delete all these photos and we'll never talk about this again. If you're too scared, I can always just post them on the campus page. I have a lovely draft already set up and just need to press the button."

"Your problem is with me, John," Kongpob snarled. "Leave my friends out of it."

Shrugging, John replied, "I am. All you have to do is do as I say, and they'll be out of it."

Aim spoke up, "No, Kong! Don't -". He cut himself off as the knife was pointedly pressed deeper into his neck.

Helplessly, Kongpob took in the horrible situation they were in. Even if Ting and Ram had left the moment they got the texts, it would still take them at least another half an hour to reach their school, traffic violations included. And then they'd still have to track them here.

There had to be more to what John wanted. Egging a house in exchange for deleting the blackmail? It certainly wasn't an equivalent exchange, so there had to be a catch in the request somewhere. But there was no choice to be made really.

If it were between Kongpob alone getting into trouble or dragging his friends down with him, he'd always choose to be the only one in the line of fire.

He just hoped that Tew had managed to activate the signal blocker before their phones had been destroyed - just in case John decided to go back on his word and post those pictures anyway.

"Fine!" sneered Kongpob. "Hand the eggs over."

With a smug smile, John shoved the carton of eggs into his hand and waved him out of the alleyway. And like a condemned man walking to the gallows, Kongpob dragged his feet to the house and stood outside the massive gate. He scanned the area subtly, before sighing. There were security cameras covering the entire front of the house - which meant that his actions would be captured on tape.

Which was the point, he supposed. This way, John and his friends were safe since they were not directly involved in Kongpob's actions, should there be an investigation. And Kongpob, Aim or Tew couldn't breath a word about it without revealing the type of blackmail material John had, which was what they were trying to avoid in the first place.

Which meant this was yet another loose end for Duen's people to take care of.

The saving grace of this whole situation was that at least he wasn't in uniform. Or anything else too easily identifiable. He ducked down beside the wall, out of the sightlines of the cameras. Pulling out his sunglasses and a handkerchief from his pocket, he slipped on the shades before tying the cloth to cover the lower half of his face to further obscure his features. Then tucking the carton of eggs securely under his armpit, he boosted himself over the iron-wrought gate.

Dropping onto the grass below in a crouch, he froze - waiting for any sign that the people inside had noticed his presence. When nothing happened, he let out a harsh breath in relief, and crept forward till he was at the halfway point - a close enough distance to throw properly, but far enough to make a quick getaway.

(Hopefully)

"Ok Kong, in and out… easy peasy… just do it and run… yeah, ok," he tried to psych himself up.

Taking an egg out of the carton, he weighed it in his hand for a second before drawing his arm back and launching it. With a wet smash, it exploded all over the door. Immediately, he picked up more eggs and kept pelting them one by one. They crashed into the walls, the pillars, and the porch.

2, 3, 4, 5

As Kong let the 6th egg fly at one of the windows, a figure appeared behind it right before the runny liquid coated the glass. A high scream rang out.

"Oh shit," Kongpob cursed under his breath.

He hastily attempted to finish his task.

7, 8, 9

The front door slammed open with a bang and a man in the Royal Thai Police uniform strode out.

"Stop right there boy!" he shouted, voice carrying clearly across the space.

Kongpob froze with his hand poised to throw the 10th egg. Fuckity fucking fuck. He dropped the egg and the carton, spinning on his heel to sprint away.

"If you take one step from there, I'll bring you straight to the station kid! Don't test me!"

Kongpob's shoulders slumped. He hesitantly turned back around to face the furious officer striding towards him. The man came to a halt an arm's length in front of him and glared.

"Take those things off your face," he ordered.

Kongpob briefly considered protesting, but common-sense won and he took off the sunglasses and handkerchief without argument. The man's eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

"Aren't you Kerkkrai's son?"

Kongpob's blood ran cold. How did this man know him? He glanced between the name on the uniform and the man's face a few times before it clicked - the Commissioner! He'd briefly met the elder at a fundraiser while accompanying his father. The two adults had bonded over the fact that both their sons were both in engineering and lived in dorms, though the Commissioner's son was a third year.

And that meant that he was now doubly fucked.

"You don't seem to be the kind of kid who runs around egging people's houses," the Commissioner commented with a raised eyebrow, concern clear in his voice. "Are you in some sort of trouble?"

Think, think, think!

Kongpob flushed, "Erm, sorry Khun, I didn't know this was your house. I thought… I thought it was my faen's… well ex-faen's."

The man seemed stunned. "Oh?"

"I guess I'm at the wrong place," said Kongpob, rubbing his neck sheepishly. He crossed his fingers behind his back. Please let him believe it…

"What happened?" the Commission asked.

Fuck! What excuse could he give for being there?

Kongpob shifted his weight from side to side. "I… well, my faen is my head hazer. We've been keeping our relationship down low for his reputation's sake, but… there was a limit to how much I could take. And when I pushed the issue, he broke it off."

The man rested a consoling hand on Kongpob's shoulder. "He doesn't deserve you then. Do you want to share?"

Well he was already in this deep with his fictional relationship, it wouldn't hurt to embellish it with the truth.

Kongpob looked at his feet. "The hazing did get to me a bit. And it didn't help that I might have been pushing his buttons in return. So he was a bit of a… mean person. He had me stand on a table in the canteen and announce that I liked men, then ask 10 guys out. And at one point, ordered me to run 54 laps for talking back and also kinda flirting with him - though I didn't finish more than 7."

And now back to the lies.

"But it was him denying any closeness with me that was the limit. I guess he didn't plan on coming out anytime soon, and… I didn't want to be his dirty little secret forever."

He finally dared to glance at the man, trying to judge his reaction to the concocted sob story. A heavy frown decorated the Commissioner's face, though it didn't seem like he was angry at Kongpob.

"I think," the man finally spoke. "You might be at the right place after all."

Kongpob stared at him in confusion. What could he mean by that?

"Oon! Come out!"

Panicking, Kongpob shook his head frantically while trying to dislodge the hold the Commissioner had on his shoulder. "Khun, it's ok, you don't have to do this."

Who ‘Oon’ was and what at exactly 'this' was, Kongpob himself didn't have a clue, but he sure as hell wasn't planning on sticking around to find out.

The Commissioner merely tightened his grip, forcing Kongpob to stay in place. "OON!"

A boy dressed in an oversized T-shirt and basketball shorts, with a bird's nest for hair, stumbled out of the door. He took in the pungent smell of raw eggs, puddles of it dripping down the house, and finally the teenager firmly held in the grasp of his father.

"0062?" he gaped.

Kongpob's face visibly drained of all colour. "P'Arthit?" he whispered faintly, his entire life flashing before his eyes.

The harsh voice of his head hazer dragged him back to the present. "Did you do this?"

"Oon, come here!" the Commissioner snapped.

Arthit came to a stop in front of the two and wai-ed. "Por, I'm so sorry about this junior, I'll take care of this -"

"Did you make him stand on a table in the canteen and announce that he liked men, then ask 10 guys out?"

Arthit drew back, stunned. "What? What has he been telling -"

"I asked you a question, Oon."

Nodding stiffly, Arthit answered, "Yes Por."

"He's the one you ordered to run 54 laps."

"Yes Por."

"DOWN 50!" the Commissioner roared, causing Kongpob to almost jump out of his skin in shock.

Arthit scrambled into push-up position and began the punishment, counting the reps loudly.

"1! 2! 3! 4!"

"How dare you force your junior to say such things?! Do you know how dangerous that was?!" the man yelled over his son. “Did you think it funny?! I didn't raise a homophobic brat!"

"12! 13! I'm sorry Por! 14! 15!"

"What are you even sorry for?! Were you trying to humiliate him?! How do you think N'Toota would've felt - watching you mock his sexuality as if it was something to be ashamed of!"

"24! 25! 26!"

Kongpob stood as still as a statue as the Commissioner continued giving the head hazer a vicious tongue-lashing, the heavy weight of guilt lying in his stomach like a rock. He hadn't meant to get P'Arthit into trouble, deserved as it may be. His head began to pound, and he stifled a groan.

This whole day had been nothing but one mess after another.

"Get up!" the officer ordered harshly.

Arthit scrambled back up, his posture a perfect imitation of that of a military recruit.

"I expect you to make up with your faen, and once you're done, for both of you to come to dinner."

Arthit's jaw dropped. "Faen?"

His father gave him a sharp glare. "N'Kong has already told me everything. Don't try to fool me."

"But Por-"

"Enough Oon! I had expected better of you."

Arthit hung his head.

Kongpob winced as the man's glare shifted to him. "And you. Don't think that I've forgotten about what you've done here. Both you and Oon are going to clean up this mess."

Wai-ing, Kongpob replied remorsefully. "Yes Khun. I apologise for my actions. I know I was wrong and have inconvenienced you terribly. I wasn't thinking clearly, but it won't ever happen again."

"See that it doesn't. This is no way to resolve spats." The Commissioner's expression softened and he squeezed Kongpob's shoulder gently. "You will always be welcome here. Does Kerkkrai know?"

Kongpob shook his head. "No... we hadn't exactly talked about telling our families." 'Because there wasn't anything to tell,' he continued wryly in his head.

"Then we'll keep this between us for now," said the man, releasing his hold. "Make sure there's nothing left of this mess before you both come for dinner," he warned, before making his way inside the house.

When the door securely shut behind his father, Arthit turned to Kongpob, eyes boring holes into the other’s skull.

"What. Did. You. Do." he growled.

Kongpob began to slowly back away, arms lifted in surrender. "P'Arthit, I can explain!"

"KONGPOB!"

#chaptersinprogress #sotus #sotus the series #arthit x kongpob #kongarthit #kongart #kongpob x arthit #fanfic #fanfiction #romeo this ain't a tragedy it's a goddamn romance #baby we're meant to be #is this an au of demolition lovers? yes #also did anyone catch the fma ref?#and the fob one?

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