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lumosinlove · 2 years

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Vaincre

February (part two)

Sirius took Remus’ hand across the center console, and let out a breath when Remus squeezed it.

“Maybe…” Remus began. “Maybe I should take it off?” He looked down at the ring, the diamond catching the sunlight. “God, I don’t want to, but maybe just for today.”

“Non, non,” Sirius shook his head, eyes on the road. “I don’t think anyone would want you to feel like that.” Sirius, eyes still sad, sent a smile Remus’ way. “I also don’t want you to take it off.”

“I know, but, maybe…” Remus sighed and rubbed his eyes. “God, I have fucking, like…emotional whiplash or something.”

“Tell me about it,” Sirius mumbled and threw his blinker on. He looked tired. They’d stayed up late, very happily, and then even later still once Remus had made the mistake of checking his phone before bed. “Merde, I…I really didn’t think…”

“I mean, maybe it’s one of those loan trades, you know?” Remus said. “That makes the most sense to me, Tremz’s contract had, what, one more season on it? He was about to be a free agent, the Rangers were looking for a solid winger for their top line and we’re slumping hard.”

“Loan doesn’t always mean we get him back, though,” Sirius said. “And I want him back.”

“No, but it means new blood, a mix-up. We’ve seen teams coming right off of a Cup do this before. I wouldn’t be surprised if management thinks we needed a kick in the ass.”

“This isn’t a kick in the ass,” Sirius sighed as the arena came into view. “This is a kick in the teeth.”

Remus brought Sirius’ knuckles up to his lips and kissed them. “I know. I know it is. I’m not trying to reason it out, I just…”

“At least one of us can see reason in it,” Sirius raised a few fingers off of the steering wheel at Ned, who manned the parking lot booth. There were fans at the gate, as always, but Sirius gave them a shaky smile only. Remus saw a few holding up Tremblay jerseys and looked away.

“Do you think Finn and Leo are in?” Remus asked as the jerseys disappeared from his rear view mirror.

“I don’t know…I don’t even want to think about them. What—what do we even say to them?” Remus watched the way Sirius’ hands flexed on the steering wheel, watched his chest rise and fall tightly. “And Dumo. And…practice is just going to be horrible—who thought this would help us?”

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Remus said softly. Remus knew he was part of that us, but this was still Sirius’ team. Sirius shouldered more weight than he did, and always would when it came to the team’s wellbeing. And he had a point. The Lions, anyone had to admit, had been more or less unchanged for much longer than any other team in the League. It was unheard of, boarder-line strange, how little trading had been done in the past five years. Kasey had been acquired of course, but Cole and Leo were products of the draft—no switch-arounds necessary. And then there was himself, an entirely different and even stranger case.

Remus had always admired it as a PT, how tightly-knit a group the Lions were, but it had always scared him a little, too—especially when he’d really started to get to know Sirius. Bonds like that didn’t break easy, and they would never break in the way hockey expected them to. No one on this Lions roster would ever have an easy go of friends-one-day-old-teammates-the-next. Logan wasn’t a Ranger now. He was a Lion in the wrong sweater. Remus was worried because he wasn’t sure Logan, especially Logan, was going to be able to stop feeling that way like the League expected him to.

“This isn’t happening,” Sirius breathed as they pulled into their spot near the elevators. He all but yanked the car into park. “I’m talking to Coach.”

Sirius, without a proper family, had woven one around him through what seemed like sheer willpower and skill. He was good enough to make those around him even better. It was why the lines worked and stayed the same. Remus wondered just how much pull Sirius might actually have. He also worried about what Sirius would put himself through if he couldn’t turn this around.

Remus sighed and then slipped off his ring and put it into his pocket. For now, it was for the best. He pushed out of the car after Sirius.

“And say what?” Remus said, jogging a few steps to where Sirius was waiting for him, palm up. Remus laced their fingers together. Sirius frowned at his fingers.

“Just for now, sweetheart.”

“I don’t know,” Sirius sighed. He ran a hand through his hair, said something low and frustrated in French that Remus didn’t catch.

“Sirius,” Remus tugged him to a stop in front of the elevator. Sirius glanced down at Remus’ look of warning, but his jaw remained tight and defiant. "Don’t put this on yourself.”

“It’s not on me,” Sirius said. He jammed the elevator button and looked down at Remus. “It’s on them. And I’m going to make them see that.”

When they reached their floor, even the hallway was quiet, not to mention the eerily still locker room. Remus pushed the locker room door open first, and some of the boys looked up and straight at Sirius. Remus felt the way Sirius’ posture changed, shifting into his role, but his hand tightened around Remus’. He was scared. He wasn’t sure how to lead them, or where. Logan’s absence was in the air like mist. Leo and Finn were in their stalls, Logan’s empty one, a blaring light beside Finn. Leo was studying Sirius carefully, whereas Finn didn’t look up at all, just focused on the roll of tape he was wrapping a stick with as it went round and round. With a jolt, Remus realized he was wearing Logan’s necklace. He kept glancing at his phone, face-up in his stall beside him. Remus caught Leo’s eye, finally, but when he took one step forward, Leo shook his head minutely, sent him a shaky smile, and dropped his gaze, shadowed by the brim of his hat. He didn’t want to talk. Remus didn’t blame him.

“I already can’t take this. I’ll be right back.” Sirius didn’t exactly whisper and earned himself more than a few curious looks as gave Remus’ hand a squeeze before letting it go and banging back out into the hallway again, where the coaches offices were.

“Sirius,” Remus couldn’t help but hiss out, but he was already gone. Remus closed his eyes briefly. He turned back to the room and cast a quick glance around. Leo, Finn, looking like wrecks. Sullen faces. Pascal, tired eyes and watching Remus carefully.

“Hey, Loo.”

Remus looked and found, with relief, that Thomas was standing by the coffee cart. He tried not to walk over too quickly. Thomas looked sad, too, but really his face shared Remus’ worry more than anything else.

“I love our boy,” Thomas said, nodding into the direction Sirius had just left in. “But what the hell was that?”

“He thinks he can talk sense into…well.” Remus wasn’t even sure he should say it. “He thinks he can get Logan back.”

“Can he?”

They both turned to look at Finn, who was standing now, brown eyes alert, almost a little wild. Remus couldn’t stop glancing at Logan’s necklace around his neck.

“Can Sirius do something? Because if he can—”

“Finn,” Leo said quietly from behind him. He reached out for Finn’s sleeve but Finn pulled away.

“If he can, he should. If he has any pull, he’s gotta use it.” Finn’s voice was firm, fiery. “Logan belongs here—”

He was cut off this time, not by Leo, but by the door opening. Kota Takahashi walked through.

If the locker room had been quiet before, it was soundless now. Kota had an expression on his face like he regretted walking in, his footsteps slowing to a stop just inside the door. He looked at Finn, and Finn looked back, brown eyes hard. Remus was struck by how much he didn’t look like himself. He’d never seen Finn be anything but kind except on the ice, which was different. Now, Finn turned on his heel sharply, swiping his phone up out of his stall before brushing out of the room without a word.

Kota adjusted his bag over his shoulder uncomfortably. “Uh. Hey, guys.” His eyes found Kasey. “Winter.”

Kasey stood, a little awkward with one goal pad already strapped onto his leg, and reached out a hand. “How’ve you been, Kota?”

Their voices seemed loud in the room and Remus’ brain raced for something, anything to say. The two must have been on the Rangers together, and Remus opened his mouth to ask about it, when he remembered. The Rangers probably weren’t the best topic right now. God, it felt like they were all at open sea.

“Been all right,” Kota said. His eyes darted after Finn. “You know. Short flight, all that.”

“Right,” Kasey smiled, but it was shaky. “Well, welcome to Gryffindor. We should grab a drink tonight.” He looked at Remus. “Loops? T?”

“Hell yeah,” Thomas said and strode forward. His smile lit up the room, as usual. Remus all but felt some of the misty dimness subside. Thank God for Thomas Walker. “What’s up, man, welcome to the team. We’ll show you all the best spots. You like pool?”

Kota seemed to feel the tension ease, too, just a tad. “Absolutely, if you like losing.”

“Oh-ho,” Thomas laughed. “Well, if it’s me you’re challenging, that might be a good bet.” He jerked a thumb back at Remus. “But don’t go making words at this guy, he’ll flatten you with that table.”

Remus couldn’t help but smile at that. “Come on, T, he might be a secret champion, we don’t know. Hey, Kota, nice to meet you.”

Remus watched Kota look him over. He didn’t take it personally. He’d felt the same stares from across the ice. Guys were curious about him, and he knew that the rumors of favoritism or worse flew around the League. But Kota shook his hand and smiled easily.

“Nice to me you, Lupin. Where’s your other half?”

Remus narrowed his eyes a little, saw Thomas do the same. He thought it was kind of sloppy form when people they didn’t know in hockey referred to Sirius and his relationship rather than their professional roles. But he decided that Kota might mean nothing by it, might just be nervous.

“The Captain’s talking to Coach,” Remus replied.

Kota raised an eyebrow. “You always call him that?”

Remus crossed his arms. Two strikes. “When I’m in this room, that’s what he is.”

“You should probably call him that, too,” Thomas said, a little more friendly, tag-teaming with Remus’ cooler look. It worked, the read each other just like on the ice. Remus felt a flood of warmth because of it.

Kota, to his credit, looked taken aback. “I—oh, no, yeah, I…of course. I didn’t mean…” he looked at Remus, then at Thomas, then away and to his stall. “Um.”

Leo was sitting stiffly in his locker, staring at the place Finn had just been. Remus watched him blink once, twice, shoulders rising and falling in a sharp breath, before he stood and threw on a shaky smile.

“Hey, Kota, I’m Leo. Welcome to Gryffindor.” His accent seemed stronger from lack of sleep, Remus thought, the way Sirius’ got, too. His words drawled sweetly but Remus could see the effort it took. Leo wasn’t that much younger than him, but Remus suddenly felt a familiar swell of pride, the same he got for Julian sometimes. That smile of Leo’s must have been killing him.

“Hey, Knut, right?” Kota smiled. “Looks like we’re seat mates.”

“Looks like,” Leo nodded.

“Uh,” Kota glanced at Finn’s empty space. “Guess you guys’ll be missing Tremblay around here, huh?”

Leo went a little pale.

“Most,” Evgeni’s deep voice came, and he gave Kota’s shoulder a hard pat as he passed, headed for the ice. “We drink tonight. You impress.”

“That was an invitation, not a threat,” Jackson smiled appeasingly and shook Kota’s hand as he followed Evgeni. “Even though they always sound a little similar coming from him. See you out there.”

Kota sat down heavily in Logan’s seat, looking a little dazed.

“We miss him, yeah,” Leo said quietly from beside him. “But we’re real glad to have you.”

Finally, Remus thought when the locker room doors opened again. Some of the team had already made it out onto the ice as Sirius followed Coach back through the doors. Remus widened his eyes at Sirius a little, hoping where the hell have you been? came across clearly. Sirius looked back, eyes stormy. Obviously, he hadn’t been as successful as he had hoped.

Kota was on his feet again in a second, looking at Sirius the way they all did. Almost hungry, awe-filled and excited. I’m going to play with Sirius Black, he’d probably said to someone. His partner, maybe, or his parents. Sirius fucking Black.

“Takahashi,” Coach said. “How you doin’? These guys giving you trouble?” He looked back at Sirius when he said trouble and Sirius stuck his hands in his pockets.

“Uh,” Kota said, then laughed a little. “No?”

Coach arched a brow, smiling. “Yeah. You sound real sure about that.”

“C’mon, we’re all making plans!” Kasey said. “That’s all, Coach, that’s all.”

“Yeah? Well, why don’t you all plan to get your butts out on the ice in twenty, okay?”

“Yes, Coach,” Remus chorused with the rest of them, then gave Sirius an elbow to the ribs.

“Kota,” Sirius said, stepping forward. “How was your flight over?”

“Short,” Kota said again, a little breathlessly. “Hi. Captain.”

Sirius blinked, then began to smile. “Oh, uh, you can just call me Si—”

Thomas clapped loudly. “We gotta get to that ice, boys. Let’s go, Captain!”

Kota all but jumped back to his stall to get changed, and Remus tapped Sirius lightly on his back to get him to follow him away.

“Really?” Remus said when they were alone. “What the hell was that, walking away—”

“It’s one year,” Sirius said in a low voice to Remus. “It’s a one year contract, and it’s meant to get the Rangers into the playoffs this year. If the Rangers make the playoffs, we get two of their first round picks.”

“Well…” Remus sighed. “Okay. Now you know. But you’ve got a new player in there who, thanks to Finn, really already knows just how welcomed he is here and—”

“Well, management should know how important Logan is here,” Sirius cut him off. “Regarde—Look at the fans, even, it’s all over fucking Twitter, no one is happy. C’est—It’s a bullshit move.”

“All right, I know, I know,” Remus said, and stroked a hand up and down Sirius’ arm as Sirius rubbed at his eyes. “I know, baby. I miss him, too.”

“Sirius?” They looked up to see Finn there, half-dressed in his padding.

“What did they say?” Finn said. “I—look, if the Rangers don’t make the playoffs, maybe he can come back.”

Sirius looked at Finn quietly for a moment. “Maybe. But Finn…”

Remus reached into his pocket and touched his ring nervously. “Guys, we have no control over this.”

“We can keep them out of the playoffs by playing better,” Finn said flatly.

“That’s ridiculous,” Remus said. “We’re not the only two teams in the Met Division, Finn.”

“We could at least try—”

“Quoi, and we weren’t trying before?” Sirius snapped. “Go get dressed, Harzy.”

Finn looked like he wanted to argue, looked like it took some effort to turn back to the locker room. Remus looked up at Sirius.

“You okay?”

“Let’s just go,” Sirius sighed and then leaned down to kiss Remus’ temple. “See how Kota plays, I guess.”

“Be nice,” Remus said. “It’s not his fault.”

“I’m always nice,” Sirius said, a smile creeping onto his face.

“You’re intimidating,” Remus said, and leaned up for a light kiss.

“What happened with the Captain thing?” Sirius murmured into the kiss.

“Nothing,” Remus said. It wasn’t really a problem—if it was, then he’d tell. “Now, come on before Coach makes us do sprints.”

“We didn’t lose that game,” Percy was saying, beer in one hand, the other pounding on the bar table. “It ran away.”

Logan watched as Will snorted into his own glass. “That’s not how it works, Perc.”

The bar was loud and crowded, but Logan preferred it that way—at least while he was tucked into a booth between teammates. It was classic. Logan recognized it as one of Finn’s favorite places, all license plates and two dollar bills covering the walls. The booths were of red, cracked leather and there were softly buzzing neon signs on the walls that said things like Pabst Blue Ribbon, to NOQUITNY. They were recognized by almost everyone who walked in, but beside a few cheers and back slaps, they were left alone. Maybe that’s why the boys frequented this place so much. The beer pitchers were cold and the owner, a guy fondly referred to as Lenny who remembered Logan all the way back from college, had a tan, kind-eyed face that made Logan think of Pascal.

Logan checked the clock then took out his phone.

I miss you, he typed out. He wasn’t sure why that was easier to write than anything to Leo or Finn, but it was. Pascal replied immediately.

We all miss you very much, Logan. You’re playing so well!! Celeste wants to send you some things so get us your address when you can

And then, a second text: Also we’re taking you down in April

Logan clicked his phone off and ran a hand over his face. He realized that he was smiling. Dumo. God, he missed Dumo.

It felt almost like old times with Percy on his left and Will on his right. And there was Alex, who was a mean, trick-of-the-light version of Finn. Luke and Saint had joined, too, and he knew Fox and Miller and some of the other guys were around here somewhere. It was okay like this. He was okay like this. People talking around him. They were fresh off of another win that was bringing them closer and closer to the play-offs, which he knew was why he was here in the first place, even if it didn’t feel like those wins even belonged to him. The Rangers had been willing to let go of two first round picks for him. And he was playing well. Being met with the roar of Madison Square Garden was any little kid’s dream. But then he’d go home at the end of the day, after the adrenaline wore off, and he’d be alone again. Finn would call. Leo would text. But something in him just couldn’t face it.

Logan flashed a smile to Percy when their eyes met, but ducked his head down a little, taking a sip of his beer.

“No, no, no,” Percy was still on the old Harvard game they’d been talking about. “Wisconsin—those hits Wisconsin used to hand out were lethal and dirty. We could’ve stole it in penalty minutes but—”

“You do know how long ago that game was, don’t you?” Logan replied, hoping to get Percy to stop looking at him like that, like he could see right into Logan’s brain.

Alex scoffed. “Oh, like you ever forget a game, Tremzy.”

Logan let a small smile creep onto his face. He figured Alex remembered parts of Logan and Finn’s Harvard days as well as they did. Logan had all but lived at their New York place during the first part of their summers.

“I guess I don’t,” Logan said.

“Hey, when we play Gryf in a few weeks, we gotta get Harzy out with us,” Percy said. “I mean, c’mon, how fucking perfect is this? The gang’s back together. The O’Hara brothers, us—”

“We’re feeling real included right now, Perseus,” Saint piped in dryly.

Percy just laughed and stole Saint’s hat—which Logan was pretty sure had actually been on Luke’s head at the beginning of the night—and placed it over his thick blond curls.

“You can come, too!” Percy said. “Finn’ll get a real kick out of you.”

Logan couldn’t help but smile at that. He was right. Finn would like Saint. He was loud and sarcastic and had the locker room in stitches most of the time, even Logan. Even Luke, who seemed to spend most of his time scowling at anyone and anything—except Saint. Or, usually, especially Saint. Even now, he narrowed his eyes at Percy and snatched his hat back, but returned it to Saint’s head instead of his own.

The truth was, Logan missed Gryffindor more than anything…but he liked this team. They had the same tight-knit nature as the Lions did, looking out for each other off ice as much as on.

“Wonderful,” Saint rolled his. brown eyes. “I love being invited so people can get a kick out of me.”

Percy waved him off and slapped Logan on the back instead. “Tremzy, come get the next round with me, eh?”

Logan supposed that he did want another beer. He was feeling loose. Relaxed. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt that way. It was like a bad headache had finally cleared up to a small ache behind the skull.

“Ouais,” Logan said. “Yeah, let’s go. Fries, too?”

“Fuck yes,” Luke said as he stretched out an arm along the back of the booth behind Saint. Logan’s eye caught on how his fingers brushed along the back of Saint’s neck, dipping below the collar of his t-shirt for a flash of a second.

Logan knew that move. He knew that move all too well. Half of Logan’s life was that move. When Saint saw him looking though, he didn’t flinch. He smiled, arching an eyebrow that was almost challenging. Yes? it said. And?

Logan followed Percy up to the bar.

“So,” Percy reached for one of the bowls of peanuts at the bar and popped a few into his mouth. His Star of David caught the light of some of the neon signs—bright blue and red. “What is it, are you and Harz not close anymore or something? Because, frankly, that’s hard to imagine.”

Logan felt his own eyebrows rise in surprise. “What?”

Percy shrugged, leaning on his elbows the way Logan was. It was nice to be around someone his own height for once. And Percy was just as scrappy. They made a good team with Alex as their center.

“Every time I bring him up, you, like…flinch or something, I don’t know.”

Logan straightened, flexing his wrists against the slightly sticky wood bar top. “I—no, we’re, y’know.”

“FinnAndLogan?” Percy smiled.

Logan laughed. “We’re really close.” He cleared his throat. “Guess I just miss him.”

“Been a while since you played without each other.”

Logan looked down, picking at a lone napkin that had a wet glass ring on it. It came apart easily in his hands. “Ouais.”

“Maybe us Harvard boys aren’t supposed to be apart, eh?” Percy said, and then stayed quiet for a while when Logan merely nodded. The bar tender was still busy, hung up with a crowd that looked like a bachelorette party. Percy tapped out a few different rhythms on the bar, reminding Logan that he played guitar. Logan had fallen asleep lots of nights to the soft, electric chords coming from the room below him in Harvard’s OKN house.

“I’m sorry, Tremz,” Percy finally said, more quietly. “You’ve been having kind of a hard time with this trade, haven’t you? I can see it. Morgy can, too.” Percy knocked their shoulders together. “We know you, man, don’t forget.”

Logan bit down on the inside of his cheek hard. “I’m okay. Hockey’s hockey.”

“Bullshit.” Percy leaned in. “I know it’s been a while between us, but I was there when Finn and Will graduated. It hit you harder than it hit me, and Will’s my best friend in the whole world.”

“I…” Logan said. He could feel himself drawing in. This was getting too close for comfort. “What do you…”

“I’m just saying I’m here for you,” Percy said, and finally the bar tender noticed them. He tapped Logan on the back. “And I know Morg and Hazard are, too. That’s all.”

“What can I get for you, gents?” the barman said.

“Another round, Mike,” Percy said, and with a pointed look at Logan, “And some fries.”

Logan gave him a shove and smiled, and just like that something eased again, right back into place. Logan didn’t have a lot of positive emotions associated with the phrase like no time passed at all, but he was more than happy to feel that way with Percy.

“C’mon,” Logan threw an arm around Percy’s shoulder. “I’ll kick your ass a bubble hockey.”

Logan looked around his new apartment as he closed the door, easy with a pleasant buzz. He felt good, with laughter left over in his mouth. The second the door closed behind him though, the quiet was so loud that it rang. He kept expecting something different, but it was always this. Quiet. The warm smell of beer and fries was left by the door as he hung up his jacket, like Leo would have wanted. He swallowed and tried to keep it with him. It had felt good to talk to Will and Percy again. Alex was as fun to be around as he always remembered. Saint had such wild stories that Logan wondered if he’d lived another life before hockey. Logan clung to it as he kicked his shoes off. He went to his electric kettle and flicked it on before opening the cupboard above it. It was bare except for a box of mint tea. This part felt okay, too, now. Methodical. Familiar. The kettle boiled and Logan drew another long breath in before letting it out again.

He was tossing his teabag when his phone began to ring. Finn’s face lit up his screen. It was a picture from Logan’s freshman year of college, Finn’s sophomore. Finn was slumped low in a library chair and looked exhausted, but happy. Logan wanted to kiss the purple beneath his eyes, wanted to touch the way his hood pushed his hair forward. Logan stared at it and stared at it until it went to voicemail. A text followed, almost immediately.

Night, Lo xoxoxoxoxoxoxo love you so much

The tears sprang up so fast that it actually pulled the corners of Logan’s mouth down a little, drew his eyebrows together. He blinked hard. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe Percy’s words from earlier, but the feeling from the bar—lighter, something beginning to ease off of his shoulders—disappeared with a snap. He missed them so fiercely it burned.

Hope the apartment is okay. Leo says not to leave your towels on the bathroom floor.

Logan definitely had left his towel on the floor, wet. He rubbed at his eyes, feeling hopeless at all of it all over again. Living alone. Being alone. Even at feeling okay. Was he really doing better if the feeling could vanish just like that?

Finn’s texts were nearly a steady stream. Logan didn’t reply. He wanted to. He could picture it. Went to your favorite spot tonight. Had Italian with the boys last night, Leo’s is better. He’d told him he needed time but he wasn’t sure Finn had completely understood. Not talking didn’t mean Logan wanted to be talked at. He wanted to grab Finn by the shoulders and shake him. And kiss him.

Please call, was the last thing Finn had said before he’d left. Please.

Maybe it was guilt that was eating at him, too.

Logan sipped his tea and leaned against the counter, staring around the space. The furniture wasn’t theirs. The refrigerator was take-out leftovers. Logan couldn’t look at anything without choking up. When he was alone, he had constant goosebumps but he couldn’t seem to shiver. Eventually, Leo’s text came, too. Leo, who was probably having trouble sleeping. And Logan wasn’t there.

Good game tonight <3 Leo’s text came in.

Neither of them pushed him to call or text back exactly, but the unspoken words were there. More imagined responses flitted through Logan’s head. I miss our midnight talks. God, he missed everything about Leo.

Logan held the phone to his ear and tried to will the lump in his throat away. The phone only rang once.

“Hi, Lolo,” Noelle chimed. “How’s the big apple treating you?”

Logan dropped to an elbow against his kitchen counter and inhaled a sharp, hitching breath. “Noelle…”

“Oh,” Noelle whispered. “God, Logan, hey…” she sounded like she was moving away from other people, closing a door. She switched to French. “I know. I know, Lo. Go ahead. You can cry, you’re all right. I’m right here.”

Logan pressed his forehead into the crook of his arm and fought away the tears. “It’s been—I need to be okay by now. I can’t do this, what if I can’t do this?”

“You can. Logan, you’re doing it, of course it’s going to take time.” Noelle had what Logan liked to think of as her big sister voice on. It wasn’t so different than her captain voice. “What do your boys say?”

Logan had known in making this call that he would run straight into that question. And he’d made the call anyway. Your boys. But they felt so far away.

“We haven’t talked.”

He was met by a silence that made him rub at his eyes fiercely. It brought spots to his gaze as he looked around the dim kitchen. A siren was whining down a street somewhere nearby.

“You haven’t…” Noelle began. “Logan.”

“Don’t look at me like that,” Logan sighed.

“First of all, you can’t even see me,” Noelle scoffed. “And second—Logan. What the hell?”

“I can’t.” Logan was surprised by how hoarsely he said the words. “Noelle, I…”

Logan grit his teeth against the fresh wave of tears that threatened, hung up the call, and dropped his face into his folded arms, willing himself not to cry. He ignored her both times she tried to call him back.

It was getting better, but not by much. Maybe this is what it was now, Remus thought. Back and forth, like any homesickness and grief. Springing between okay and not okay with only time to rely on to make it better. The next week felt like five. Remus could tell the coaching staff was noticing, too. Everything was stilted. Finn couldn’t make a shot—but Leo couldn’t seem to miss one. The fuel of Logan’s absence seemed to bring different things to different people. Sirius took breath away with insane angled shots, Finn delivered hits like never before, but he was scrappy about it. The littlest comment sent him off the rails, taking stupid penalty after stupid penalty. And then, Sirius would go in after, defending him. They played 4 on 3 more than Remus even wanted to think about. Still, they were winning games now. Six in a row so far and still running hot.

Remus stood by Leo’s goal when Coach blew the whistle between scrimmages at practice. He didn’t push, and Leo didn’t respond to his presence for a few long moments, but finally he let out a breath. Remus had a feeling he was holding it all in. Remus skated a little closer, watching as Leo shoved his mask up and took some water, then pushing it back down again. He traced another line around the crease.

“Do you know he stayed with Alex for a couple weeks, but he’s got his own place now?” Leo finally said, as if they’d been talking already.

“Oh?” Remus replied, trying not to sound too overly interested. “No, I didn’t. Sirius has tried to reach out, but…That’s nice. Do you have pictures?”

“No, he…” Leo chewed on his lip for a second. “He sent us, like, one text.”

Remus nodded, taking that in. He looked over to Finn, who was getting an earful from one of the assistant coaches. “What do you mean, ‘one text’?”

Leo looked down, tracing the blue crease of his goal with his stick. “Nothing. He…he won’t really talk to us.”

Remus’ heart sank. “You mean…since he left?” he asked softly. He had been so long.

“He warned us,” Leo added quickly, and kept his mask down. A barrier. A shield. “We’re not—like, we understand. Well,” he sent a glance towards Finn, now giving the coach back just as good. “I understand. But still. It’s been so long…and my birthday…”

Leo cut the word off halfway through, as if he wished he hadn’t said it. He gave his head a hard shake.

“Well, I thought he’d call, at least.”

“Oh, Nutty,” Remus said again. He couldn’t imagine getting traded and not calling Sirius the second he got to wherever he was going. “Well…I mean, I don’t know. Lo’s very…”

“Scared?” Leo supplied. “Stubborn?”

Remus bit his lip. “Well, I’d say give him time, but…” Three weeks was a long time to hear nothing. Even thinking about going that long without talking to Sirius made him want to shake the thought from his head.

“I know,” Leo’s voice came out frustrated, and he glanced up apologetically. “Sorry. Sorry, I don’t want to take any of this out on you.”

“It’s okay,” Remus said, skating closer. “Seriously, I won’t take anything personally. Especially not now. Especially when I think Finn just tried to take my head off with a shot.”

Leo’s expression seemed to get heavier. “He’s really not doing well. And I’m okay, but I…I get out three plates for dinner.”

Remus put his glove on Leo’s shoulder. “Aw, Leo…God, I’m so sorry.”

Leo just shook his head with a slight smile, blue eyes blinking away tears.

“I just wish…I do understand, I just…” He sniffed and jumped a little as Thomas called Remus over for face-off. “We’ll be okay.”

“I know you will,” Remus said. “But, like…it’s okay to hurt about it, you know? Or not understand. And…” Remus shrugged. “Maybe it’s okay to give Finn a piece of your mind.”

Leo actually laughed a little, then sniffed. “I think I’m getting there.”

Practice was a little brutal once Remus skated away. Finn nearly broke a stick as Leo blocked shot after shot of his, Sirius collected an even hat trick against Kasey, but it all finally came to a peak when Finn shook Remus up against the boards in a hard—and not entirely clean—hit.

“Fucking whoa,” Thomas called out, voice echoing in the empty stadium, just as Coach blew a shrill whistle that made all of them duck their heads.

“O’Hara!” Coach barked. “I see another hit like that in practice, I’m gonna sit you so hard next game you’ll put a hole in that bench!”

Remus rolled his shoulder out, glancing up at Finn’s stony expression. Finn didn’t reply, and didn’t so much as glance at Remus as he skated away—straight for the locker room, Remus realized. They still had fifteen minutes.

Remus heard the familiar sound of Sirius’ skating stop sharply next to him. His hair peaked out of his helmet in dark, sweat-slick strands and his eyes were wide, watching Finn retreat. “Loops. Merde, Re, are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Remus said, putting a glove on his arm. “Just surprised me mostly.”

“Lupin?” Coach called out.

“I’m fine, Coach.”

“Yeah, he’s damn lucky you’re fine,” Thomas grumbled. “What the fuck. Season’s finished at this rate.”

“Don’t say that,” Remus began as Coach blew the whistle again.

“All right, I think we’ve all had enough for one morning. Hit the showers, boys. Be ready for video review later.”

Remus felt the tension thicken as the team skated off the ice. He looked up at Leo when he tapped his shin with his stick. His blue eyes looked almost mournful.

“Are you okay?” Leo asked. “I can’t believe…I don’t know why he…”

Remus made sure his smile looked real and not worried. “I’m okay. Really, I am.”

Leo didn’t look convinced, but he filed back down the tunnel with the rest of them in silence. That silence was only broken when they made it into the locker room to find Finn already half-undressed.

Before anyone could so much as mutter a word, Sirius had Finn by the straps of his chest padding, pushed up against the edge between his own and what was now Kota’s stall.

Remus had to bite his own tongue to keep from yelling Sirius’ name. He had to let him do this.

“You want to push your own team around?” Sirius all but growled. “That’s really what you want to do?”

Finn tried to shove Sirius away but he wouldn’t budge. Remus saw his eyes dart to Leo, but Leo had his eyes down, unstrapping his own padding. Remus guessed Leo thought Finn needed this, too. Kota looked a little wide-eyed, but kept his distance with the others.

“You’re just mad ‘cause it was Loops—” Finn shot back, and Sirius gave him another firm push.

“You know that’s not true,” Sirius said. “You’re taking stupid penalties in games, and you’re taking your problems out on everyone else like this whole situation isn’t effecting the rest of us, too. You’re not the only person in this room, and every person here fucking loves you. So stop acting like you’re alone. I’ve been there. It’s not true.”

And that was it. Sirius turned away to his own stall, placing his helmet down evenly and pulling his jersey over his head. Slowly, the others followed. Remus’ throat felt dry as he looked at Finn. His brown eyes were cast down and unfocused, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Remus began undressing slowly, too, but when Sirius headed towards change room, he jogged after him.

“Hey,” Remus said, catching him around the arm.

They were both sweaty, but when Sirius turned towards him and wrapped him up in his arms, Remus didn’t care. Maybe they both needed a moment away from it all, away from Kota, who was nice enough but a constant reminder of how heavy this season now felt without Logan. Away from Finn’s snapping remarks and Leo’s sad eyes. They needed a moment away from wondering how they were going to ever bring up their engagement. A moment away from feeling guilty about how damn happy they were.

“Was that too much?” Sirius asked, dropping a kiss to Remus’ head.

“No, he needed that,” Remus whispered. “All this just makes me think about…” He couldn’t even say the word trade. He was a player now, just like any other. Sirius wasn’t going anywhere but that didn’t protect him, nor should it.

“Non,” Sirius shushed him softly. “No, I wouldn’t let that happen.”

“It’s not up to you,” Remus pulled back to look at him.

“I’d go on strike.”

Remus let out a slight laugh. “No, you definitely wouldn’t.”

He felt Sirius smile against his temple. “Non, maybe not.” He wrapped Remus up tighter. “But we’d be okay.”

It was so close to what Leo had just said that Remus had to squeeze his eyes shut and let out a steadying breath through his nose. He looked up at Sirius, wanting a kiss. “I know we would be. But I’d want to call you every night, okay? Just so you know.”

Sirius leaned down, brushing their lips together. “I’d want to call you every hour.”

They jumped a little when Finn came around the corner and stopped dead, looking at them with wide eyes that quickly dulled. It was like he was making a bad habit of simply tucking the emotion away. He was fiddling with Logan’s necklace.

Remus felt Sirius pull away a little as guilt flooded him.

“Sorry,” Finn said, eyes down, and pushed around them to the showers.

“Merde,” Sirius breathed, looking after him.

“Tremz isn’t calling them,” Remus whispered. “At All Stars, you—baby, you got to get him to call them. I get not wanting to in the beginning, but I don’t think it’s helping anyone. Not anymore.”

Sirius frowned. “He’s not calling them? Why?” He nodded quickly when Remus just looked at him. “Okay, d’accord, you know what I meant. God…” Sirius pressed a soft kiss to Remus’ mouth. “Is that what brought this on?”

Remus bit his lip, then nodded.

“No wonder Finn’s so…God, maybe I was too harsh. I didn’t know that.” Sirius looked after the direction Finn had gone. Remus pressed his cheek to Sirius’ chest and felt him take a long, slow breath. “All right. Yeah, I’ll talk to him. I still think we can get him home.”

“Sirius, that’s not helpful for anyone right now,” Remus closed his eyes, holding him tighter. “Especially you.”

“But if I can convince—”

“You can’t,” Remus said. “Hey, listen to me, you can’t.” He pressed both of his palms to Sirius’ cheeks. “And, baby, you frankly shouldn’t be able to. You know those rumors flying around about you getting me this spot? Yeah, well, the Lions made a whole big thing about you not having any pull then, so they’re sure as hell not gonna give any to you right now.”

Sirius closed his eyes, which made him look sweet with his cheeks pressed between Remus’ palms. Remus had to lean up and kiss him again.

“I know,” Sirius whispered. “I just—he’s like my brother. But I know.”

“And maybe don’t fight with Finn again.”

“Then get him to stop tempting me.”

“I know,” Remus pressed up for another kiss. “Look, you’ll be at All Stars next week and all the guys will get a much needed break.”

Sirius’ fiery expression melted into a smile. “You’re coming with me to New York, you know that, right? I have plans.”

Remus wound his arms around Sirius’ neck. “Hmm, plans?”

Sirius smiled into their next kiss. “Plans.”

Leo watched Finn’s eyes dart to his phone every time the screen lit up. They had settled down on the couch to watch the All Stars opening red carpet. It all looked too bright, the commentator’s happy tones, the pump-up music. Leo had Finn tucked against his side—he’d finally stopped fidgeting, getting up and sitting back down again—but neither of them could deny that the couch felt empty. It had felt that way for three weeks.

The phone screen on the table lit up again, a news alert, and Finn’s body tensed as he leaned forward a little to check it.

“Sweetheart, I don’t think…” Leo began hesitantly, stroking Finn’s hair back from his face. They hadn’t talked about how practice had been going yet. They hadn’t talked about Sirius’ talk-down.

Finn just pressed himself harder into Leo’s side.

“You…you can’t be angry with him for not talking to us,” Leo whispered. “He’s—we all have to just…deal with this, and if that’s how he’s—”

“Yeah, I got it,” Finn said shortly, and pushed himself up from the couch. “I’m going for a run.”

“You shouldn’t,” Leo sighed, closing his eyes. “Baby, it’s dark—first of all—and second, we had a tough practice today and we have a game tomorrow.”

“Well, I’m going to,” Finn was already tugging his shirt over his head.

“No, Finn,” Leo said and stood. “No, you’re not. Tomorrow, fine, at morning skate, but no, not right now. You need to rest. Plus, the show’s about to start.”

“I don’t know if I want to watch him interviewed,” Finn mumbled as he disappeared into the bedroom.

Leo looked back at the TV. Truthfully, there was nothing Leo wanted more than to catch a glimpse of Logan walking down the red carpet, or suiting up in the All Stars locker room beside Sirius. Anything. He’d take anything, he missed Logan so bad it hurt.

“Finn,” he sighed, and pushed himself up from the couch. He’d expected to have to pry the running shoes out of Finn’s hands, but when he got to the bedroom, Finn was just sitting on the bed, elbows on his knees. The position made Logan’s fleur-de-lis swing lightly from his neck. Leo stared at it. Sometimes, when he couldn’t sleep and Finn was, as usual, soundly full under, he’d reach out and touch it where it rested against Finn’s chest, or, if he was on his side, against the mattress. It didn’t exactly put him to sleep, not with the lump it brought to his throat, but it helped all the same.

Leo took another step towards the bed. “Finn—”

“At All Stars, we could’ve—” Finn said suddenly standing back up. “What’s that all about? That’s not a fucking phone call that’s too hard to deal with. We’d be there. We’d be there in the fucking hotel room with him, all together, why doesn’t he—” Finn’s voice broke and his bare shoulders seemed to curl down a little. He pressed his hands over his face and Leo pushed forward, putting his hands on Finn’s waist, trying to steady him. Finn was shaking his head, brow pinched. “Why doesn’t he want us there, I…I don’t…”

“You know that’s not true,” Leo said. His voice wavered and he fought to control it. “You know he wants us there, it’s just—put yourself in his shoes. It would be torture. Finn, it would be torture, for me at least, to know that you two were together and I wasn’t there. God, I hate it, too, but I get it. It’s horrible but I get it.”

“I’d want a week with you!” Finn said. “And not to mention your fucking birthday like—at least then he should—I would’ve fucking—”

“Well, Logan’s not you,” Leo said, more firmly than he’d meant to, but, God, Finn was so sad, so angry, all the time. It was getting to Leo, too. His birthday. Leo crossed his arms over his chest and took a step back. “You’re the only one here who’s had to leave the others before and I…” Leo pressed his lips together, sniffing. He closed his eyes and took a breath. “Look, you don’t have to watch, but I really want to see him, so…join me, don’t join me. Whichever.”

And he turned back towards the living room.

It only took a few minutes for Finn to walk back into the living room and stand uncertainly by the couch until Leo lifted the blanket for him. He let out what sounded like a relieved sigh and tucked Leo into his side this time, pressing a gentle kiss to his temple.

“I love you,” Finn whispered. “God, Le, I love you. I know I’ve been…”

Leo rubbed a hand over Finn’s chest, his soft t-shirt and the bump of the pendant, but didn’t take his eyes away from where they were showing Logan and Sirius, standing beside each other on the red carpet. They weren’t smiling exactly, but their shoulders were close. Leo swallowed. He would have given anything for the three of them to be sitting on this couch right now.

“I love you, too,” he whispered, and tilted his head to rest against Finn’s shoulder just as the camera zoomed in close to Logan.

“He looks—” Finn said quietly, voice breaking off. “Oh, Lo…”

They both leaned forward. Logan’s cheeks looked a little sunken. He had darkness beneath his eyes. He had his hands deep in his pockets and his brown waves of hair were free and tussled. His green eyes darted around, like they couldn’t settle. Leo pressed a hand to his chest. He’d never seen Logan look like that. Almost frail, the pink of his cheeks tender. Had he been working himself too hard? Had he been sleeping?

“No,” Finn whispered, and pushed up again, hand rubbing the back of his neck. “No, I can’t watch this.”

Leo faintly heard their bedroom door close, but he felt frozen there on the couch, knowing Logan couldn’t see him but somehow silently begging him to look at him, to know he was there.

They hadn’t said anything at first. Logan had requested they wait to see each other, really see each other, until the first day’s opening events were done, and, really, Sirius didn’t want cameras around, either. One moment Sirius had been standing in Logan’s hotel room doorway and the next they were hugging. It was such a relief, when Logan started speaking French. Sirius was so choked up right now he wasn’t sure he felt like managing English. It felt like it had hugging Regulus again. He didn’t want to lose another brother.

“Tremz,” Sirius whispered. “Merde…”

“I can’t believe this,” Logan breathed as they pulled away. His dark green suit looked brighter against the ugly red carpet of the hallway. “God, Cap—I mean…”

“Don’t you dare stop calling me that,” Sirius said. “Fuck, nothing’s the same without you. I can’t tell you how hard it’s been.”

“Come in,” Logan all but pulled him in and shut the door. He thought of Remus a few doors down. He’d almost asked him to come, but something in Sirius was thinking of last year’s All Stars and how it had been Logan to talk some sense into him. He wanted it to be just the two of them for now.

“Tell me,” Logan said, and Sirius’ heart hurt at the strained note of pleading in his voice. “Please. I just—just tell me.”

“It’s…” Sirius began haltingly. How in hell was he supposed to tell him about Finn? “Well, Leo is… But Finn…” Sirius didn’t know how to say it. “Finn’s not doing so well right now.”

Logan’s green eyes were big and almost terrified. “And—Leo?”

“Hides it better, but I keep find him just staring at your stall. I can’t imagine…I mean, when he’s at your home…”

“And Kota?”

Sirius tilted his head, grimacing a little. “Kota seems nice enough. But Finn’s being a real ass, I’m not going to lie.”

Logan blinked and Sirius almost felt bad for bringing it up, but part of him knew Remus was right. Logan needed to know. “To Leo even?”

“To everyone.”

“He’s upset with me. Him more than Leo, I think,” Logan bit his lip, ran his hand through his hair. “I told them not to come this week.”

“Ouais…I know about that.” Sirius nodded. “Why—”

“Are they angry?”

Sirius hesitated before answering. “Well, I think you have to do what’s best for you right now.”

“That’s not an answer,” Logan sighed. “Cap, I…I just…” Logan shook his head, eyes on the floor. “I just started, like, being hungry even. Sleeping through the night. Seeing them, spending a week with them…I don’t think it would be…good. Not now. Merde, I love them, but I don’t want to lose my appetite when I’m not with them.”

Sirius sat down slowly on the bed, rubbing his palms together. “I understand. Really, Tremz, I get it.”

“Then what?” Logan sighed.

Sirius shook his head. “Nothing, I just…”

“Non, I know that look, you’re not saying something.”

Sirius couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Well, first, I’m proud of you. I can’t imagine how hard this has been. Oh, and don’t let me forget I have some cookies from Celeste for you. Apparently Katie packed her backpack, said she was coming with me to see you.”

“Oh,” Logan just offered a shaky smile. “Katie…”

It was the same smile Logan had been giving on the carpet all day, to the cameras and fans. Today had been an exhausting one, but Sirius knew that he’d be feeling a whole lot worse right now if Remus hadn’t been by his side through it, holding his hand.

“Second,” Sirius said. “How the hell are you playing so well while feeling like all that?”

Logan blew out a breath and sat down, too. “I can either get Coach Gallant to give me more minutes or sit on the bench and feel sorry for myself. And…” Logan sighed, voice smaller. “Who knows, you know? It’s a one year contract and if they want me for a playoff run and I help get it for them…maybe I’ll have a little more say next time.”

Sirius winced. “That’s a pretty big gamble. But that’s also what Finn said.”

“Really?” Logan asked. “Oh.”

“He’s really not doing well,” Sirius said again. “I…”

Logan waved him on. “Just tell me, Cap.”

Sirius huffed out a laugh. “I’m that obvious?”

“Always have been,” Logan shrugged. “Well. Not always, I guess.”

Sirius took another breath. “I know you aren’t calling them.”

Logan shrunk into himself a bit then, and Sirius felt guilty but not enough to back down. Logan looked away.

He had lost a little weight, Sirius had noticed on the carpet. Not enough to be very noticeable, but Sirius had spent hours and hours with Logan. His cheeks looked a little sharper. His lips were chapped, eyes tired.

“Cap…” Logan shook his head.

Sirius put a hand on Logan’s knee. “Tremz, I know how it was with you and Finn. I’ll never feel what you two felt, I know that, and it must have been so, so horrible, but have you…have you thought about how this doesn’t have to be all or nothing in the way that Harvard was?”

Sirius felt Logan hold himself very still. Sirius was being truthful when he said that he couldn’t imagine what Finn and Logan must have gone through. He’d only truly fallen for Remus when they’d started seeing each other. To feel the way he did about Remus for years and not be able to do anything…he couldn’t begin to imagine.

“Is Loops with you?” Logan asked.

Sirius sighed a little at the topic change but nodded. “Yeah. We thought we’d make a trip of it. Together.”

Logan shot him a look. “Did you kick him out of this talk?”

Sirius laughed. “A little, yeah.”

Sirius paused. He thought of the ring that sat prettily on Remus’ finger. They’d been so dead-set on not rubbing the news into the Cubs’ faces, but maybe…maybe it wouldn’t hurt. Maybe it would help. For Sirius, marrying Remus was the ultimate sign that life, hard and brutal sometimes, worked out.

“Tremz,” Sirius began, and ran a hand through his hair. He wished now that he’d taken the time to change out of his suit. It felt too hot and tight. Logan looked back at him expectantly. He really did look so tired. It made Sirius want to tuck him into his side. God, he hoped this was the right thing to say right now.

“I finally did it,” he said, and Logan tilted his head for a moment before his eyes widened. “I asked Remus to marry me.”

“You did?” Logan said breathlessly. “You finally—the ring?”

Sirius laughed. “I completely forgot about the ring actually.”

Logan laughed, too, reached out and gripped Sirius’ hand, then he blinked and a tear fell. He curled into himself a little. He touched his own wet cheek. “Oh, sorry, I—Oh.”

Sirius felt himself tearing up to. “Don’t you cry, I’ll cry.”

Logan nodded, and then he didn’t seem to be able to speak. He buried his face in his hands. His next breath was a sob.

“Hey,” Sirius said softly. “Tremz, hey…” He squeezed Logan’s hands. “No, I…I’m sorry, I thought it might help to see that things do work out and—”

“Non, I’m so happy for you—I’m sorry—”

Sirius didn’t know what to do but sit there and let Logan squeeze his hands so hard that it hurt a little.

“We were going to come out,” Logan’s words were all tangled up with tears. “We decided—maybe an hour before I got the call.”

“You were—” Sirius felt his heart lurch. A moment later Logan was sort of listing to one side and Sirius pulled him in against his chest. “Oh my god. Oh God, Logan…”

“I wanted to,” Logan cried, clutching at Sirius’ suit jacket. “I finally wanted to and then…”

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said through tears in his throat. He felt Logan’s seeping through the thin cotton of his shirt. “That’s not going to be the last time you want to. Don’t worry about that, Lo, don’t worry.”

“I miss them so bad,” Logan said. “I miss them.”

“Call them,” Sirius said, and realized he was pushing his fingers through Logan’s hair, the way he did with Remus. It felt right with the way Logan leaned into it. “Logan. You know them. I know it’s hard, but you know them. They love you so fucking much. Do you really think seeing their faces, hearing their voices, will be harder than this?”

“I don’t know,” Logan said. “Saying goodbye was so horrible, I…”

“That’s because you’re acting like you’re never going to see them again. It’s a three hour drive or something. You can do that in a day off. It’s not the best, but you can. You can.”

Logan let out a breath and sat up. He wiped at his eyes, dark eyelashes clumped together with tears, and looked at Sirius. “Ouais…” He wiped at more fresh tears. “Ugh. I’ve never cried so much in my life.”

Sirius ruffled Logan’s hair again and then let them sit for a few minutes. He reached up and loosened his own tie, then did the same for Logan, who sent him a grateful look.

“Sorry about your shirt.”

“I could care less about this shirt,” Sirius said, and looked at Logan’s bare throat. “Gave Finn your necklace.”

Logan just nodded and touched where the missing piece would have hung. He sat up a little straighter, scrunching his nose a little, blocked up. “Is Loops just waiting for you?”

“He can entertain himself,” Sirius laughed, and put a hand on Logan’s shoulder. “You’re really important to us, Tremz.”

Logan cracked a smile. “Does he want to watch a movie with us?”

“Absolutely.”

Logan’s smile reached his eyes this time, which he gave another firm rub. “All right. I’m going to get out of this suit.”

“Ouais, me too.” Sirius had one hand on the door when Logan’s phone lit up. Finn, Sirius could see. A picture that looked like it was from Harvard. Finn looked much more like Alex now.

“Want me to give you a bit?” he asked carefully.

When Logan didn’t reply right away, Sirius shut the door again. They watched the phone ring out together.

“D’accord,” Sirius sighed. “Meet up in ten?”

Logan was quiet for a long moment. Sirius watched his eyes dart to the clock, then away. Finally, he straightened. “Non. You two go enjoy yourselves. I have something I need to do.”

Sirius’ chest flooded with relief. “Okay.” He slapped Logan’s shoulder. “Good.”

Finn couldn’t help himself anymore. Leo was in the shower, water loud, and Finn pressed his phone harder against his ear.

“Hi,” he whispered to Logan’s voicemail. He’d not yet left a message. He couldn’t help it. Maybe it was seeing him, and not just on Youtube in a press interview (which he and Leo had been watching maybe too many of), but seeing a live feed of Logan walking and talking to other people. How tired he’d looked, how lonely. “Lo, I…I know you said you couldn’t—“

Finn had to stop for a moment, get his breathing under control. He didn’t want to cry. He was so tired of crying, of feeling this way.

“But I need…I can deal with you being in New York. I—I can do that, I really can, but I can’t do this again. I can’t do the silence again, please, please, please…”

His breathing hitched and he covered his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I said I wouldn’t do this, but please call us. It’s just—so hard like this, Lo, it’s so hard—”

His nose was running horribly. Leo would know immediately he’d been crying but Finn wanted nothing more than to sink into Leo’s arms after this.

He let out a long breath. “God, I’m sorry. I love you. Fuck, don’t listen to this, okay—”

He hung up and tossed the phone onto the bed, resting his head back against the pillows. He shouldn’t have done that. Logan had asked him not to do that, not to do any of what he’d been doing. But when he’d left Harvard, Finn hadn’t said a thing after that single, horrible phone call and it had been hell. How much deeper could they sink? Apparently some ways.

He listened to Leo humming softly to himself for a moment before pushing himself up from the bed and cracking the door to the steamed up bathroom.

Le? Can I come in?” Finn asked over the steam, and he saw Leo’s silhouette freeze at the sound of his blocked up nose.

“Oh, sweetheart, of course,” Leo said. “C’mere.”

The second Finn was undressed and stepping onto the wet tile he was taking Leo into his arms.

“I called him, I’m sorry…”

“Finn—” Leo began, holding him tight. “No, it’s okay, it’s okay.”

It felt good, just to breathe each other in, skin on skin. Finn ran his hands up and down Leo’s back, just as Leo did the same for him. He took a deep breath, gathering himself, and leaned back to look at Leo. He pushed his blond hair away from his eyes.

“I’m such an asshole—”

Leo shushed him gently, pressing three gentle fingers over his mouth.

“I just want to hold you, okay?” Leo said. “And I want you to hold me.”

Finn loved him. Finn loved him so much. He nodded, and let Leo tuck his face back into his neck, pressing him close beneath the shower’s warm spray.

Sirius shut the door to his and Remus’ room in New York and sat down heavily on the bed. He brought Remus’ hand up to his mouth and kissed where he had replaced his engagement ring. Sirius didn’t like it, but it probably was for the best that he’d taken it off for the red carpets. At least for now, until they told the team officially.

“I think he’s going to call them,” he said, and Remus’ shoulders visibly loosened.

“Yes. Good Logan.”

“Yeah,” Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus’ waist. “Re, they were going to come out.”

Remus’ eyes widened and he dropped his forehead to Sirius’ shoulder. “Oh my god. Aw, Leo…I knew there was something else he wasn’t saying. Oh my god, I can’t even imagine…and when Logan was asking me about it…”

Neither of them found more words, just sat on the cool hotel sheets. Remus started twisting his ring around his finger at one point and Sirius watched the flash of the diamond as it came round and round again.

“Okay,” Sirius said, and pressed a kiss to Remus’ temple. “I love Logan, I miss him, but right now I’ve had a camera in my face all day and we deserve to celebrate,” Sirius tugged Remus closer. “I’m going to start us on our Pre-Wedding Honeymoon New York City Itinerary.”

Sirius took delight in nothing more than the smile that slowly broke over Remus’ face.

“Oh?”

“Mhm,” Sirius said, and pressed a gentle kiss to Remus’ mouth. “Get your coat.”

“My coat?” Remus laughed. “It’s like eleven at night!”

“What, there’s no where to go at night? Come on, allez.” He pulled Remus up and right into another kiss. “I’ve been thinking so much about Tremz, of course I have, but…” Sirius sighed. “All I want to think about is you.” He let his next kiss linger. “You and you and you.”

“Hmm,” Remus’ smiled. “Where are we going?”

Sirius pressed the words into his mouth along with kisses. He tucked Remus up against his body and turned them in a slow circle. “Dancing.”

Remus’ laugh was light. “Sirius Black is taking me dancing?”

“He is,” Sirius smiled into another kiss. “And he can’t wait.”

If Sirius had learned anything from his life so far, it was to seize the moment he was in. Worry would always be there. Problems were never in short supply. But he had Remus blushing with excitement and looking for their room key and his shoes. He was going to grab onto that and keep it close.

Leo hadn’t needed anything for his birthday, really. Finn had tried so hard that night, but neither of their hearts were really in it. They’d had dinner out at Leo’s favorite restaurant, and Leo had thought Finn looked so good. In another version of this night, he’d have them skip dessert entirely so he could take Finn home. But both of them had been waiting for a call from Logan that had never come. They had skipped dessert at the restaurant, if only because Finn knew Leo didn’t really like the attention public birthday candles brought. Instead, once they were both in their pajamas, Finn had brought out a perfect slice of chocolate coconut cake from the bakery down the street, a single candle in it, and kissed his cheek and neck in bursts while Leo tried to blow it out and laugh at the same time. They’d read their books with their feet tangled. They’d had a game the next day, and it had been a good night considering that they were both sore and jumping every time their phone lit up. In the end, Leo had pulled Finn to bed and made himself small against Finn’s warm chest. Finn had rubbed his back until they’d both fallen asleep.

Leo didn’t mind. What he did mind was staring up at the dark bedroom ceiling for what felt like the thousandth night in a row. It was somewhere closer to two in the morning now and Leo rubbed at his eyes, frustrated. He needed to sleep. God, he needed to sleep so bad. Finn had been tracing patterns across his back for a while, but he’d long since fallen asleep and rolled onto his other side.

He played back each glimpse they’d had of Logan on the TV. His green suit they’d picked out. He’d looked gorgeous in it. So gorgeous. Leo sighed and rolled onto one side, watching Finn’s back rise and fall beneath his t-shirt. His hair was still a little damp from the shower and Leo reached out to stroke the soft red strands at the base of his neck a few times. God, he was so tired. He was playing so well, though, it didn’t make any sense. They were finally winning games, and Twitter was giving some sort of weird, superstitious credit to shaking the team and lines up. Leo wanted to through his phone across the room more often than not.

He closed his eyes. They felt so heavy, dry with strain, but his body wouldn’t rest. He’d end up listening to his own heartbeat pound in his ears, or counting the soft freckles across Finn’s neck. He was scooting closer to Finn, softly fitting their bodies together again in hopes that it would help, when a sound from the living room made him freeze.

It was the scratch of keys in the door. The bolt opening. Leo tensed, lifting his head, wide awake now. His first thought was some sort of thief, but as the door opened and someone let out a breath, the telltale sound of keys being dropped into the bowl by the door made him sit up sharply. Finn always forgot about the bowl, no matter how many times Leo pointed it out to him. His keys ended up anywhere but that bowl Leo had put there. Couch, counter, bathroom, sheets.

But Logan. Logan had worked hard to make Leo happy and put his set there beside Leo’s, ready to be found again.

Leo realized he was shaking a little as he hurriedly pushed the covers off and stood, listening hard. Had he imagined it? He looked towards Finn’s sleeping form, but he didn’t want to wake him up if it was nothing. God, what if it was nothing, and Leo was standing there like some love-sick maniac, imagining Logan…But there was definitely someone in the living room. Leo took slow steps, pushing the bedroom door open slowly. There was more rustling. A suitcase rolled to a stop. A phone clicked off and was put on the counter. Shoes were toed off. Logan’s shoes. His keys might stay put, but his shoes ended up in two different rooms. Leo was always finding them and matching them back together by the door, socks, too.

Leo stepped out of the bedroom, took one step, two, three—

And there was Logan, standing by the kitchen counter, green eyes catching the light of the city outside. Leo’s heart gave a hard, lurching thud as they stared at each other.

“I was trying to be quiet,” Logan whispered and, God, his voice. Leo had all but clung to each word he’d heard Logan say in the interviews on TV. But that was nothing compared to hearing it here, now, scratched with tiredness and emotion. He was wearing a thick Rangers sweatshirt and gray sweatpants. Leo wanted to press the two of them together until they were one.

Leo couldn’t help it, he broke into a smile, eyes filling. “I was awake already.”

“You were?” Logan asked, eyes going sad, and dropped his bag onto the floor. He was looking at Leo almost greedily, body edging forward.

“What…did you drive all the way here?” Leo said, wiping at his eyes. There was so much space between them, and Leo was dying to close it, but he wanted to let Logan make the first move. He needed Logan to make the first move.

“Ouais,” Logan said. “I’ll get a fine for missing the skills competitions tomorrow, but…” He took a step forward. “I think I can afford it.”

“I’d give them triple if it meant having you here.”

Logan’s brows knit. He had been twisting his sweatshirt in his hands, but he let it go now, reached out a palm. “Le…”

And then the distance was closed and they were clutching each other. Leo felt a laugh bubble up inside him and mix with his tears. He turned his face into Logan’s hair and inhaled. “Hi. Hi, sweetheart. Lo…”

Logan was up on his toes, arms pulling Leo down to wrap around his neck, fingers in his hair, while Leo gripped his strong shoulders.

“I was so wrong,” Logan whispered.

Leo just shook his head and held him tighter. “It doesn’t matter now. I just need you to kiss me.”

Logan didn’t hesitate. He barely pulled away to press their mouths together hard. He stroked his tongue along Leo’s bottom lip lovingly. Leo let his teeth scrape gently against Logan’s, opening to him, needing the closeness, the warmth. He pressed his palm to Logan’s cheek and kissed him until he couldn’t breathe.

They panted softly into the quiet space of the living room.

“Do I have Sirius Black to thank for this?” Leo whispered.

“He told me to call you,” Logan replied. “I thought I could do better than that, since we technically have almost a week off.”

“God,” Leo laughed and wrapped Logan up again. “I’m so—I’ve been sick to my stomach thinking of you all alone.”

Logan clung to him. “I was worried it was just me.”

“Of course it wasn’t, you—dummy.”

The word startled a laugh out of both of them. Logan made a soft, low sound as Leo cupped a palm to the back of his neck, another to the small of his back.

“I’m not alone,” Logan said, pressing a kiss to the underside of Leo’s jaw. “Alex was so good to me, and Morgy and Perc…but then I’d go to sleep at night and I just…” He pressed himself into Leo harder, as if he could soak up all of his warmth. He lifted his nose into Leo’s neck, breathing him in.

They stood there, swaying slightly, in the middle of the apartment. Logan still had the cold February air clinging to him and Leo was determined to warm him up through and through.

“It’s so good to be home,” Logan whispered, and while Leo knew that it was his first time back in the apartment, the way Logan squeezed his shoulders let him know that Logan was talking about him. Logan pulled back and smiled up at him, wiping his thumbs gently beneath Leo’s eyes.

“You should go wake Finn up,” Leo smiled, feeling a little giddy at the thought of Finn’s face. “God, Lo, I’m so happy you’re here. He’s going to be so happy.”

Logan paused and Leo saw actual worry pass over his face. “Are you sure? Cap said that he’s been…”

Leo just shook his head and smiled. “I know. And he has been, but…come on.” He laced his fingers through Logan’s. “It’s you. It’s us. Come on.”

They crept back into the dark bedroom and Leo flicked on the dim lamp on his side of the bed as Logan sat down carefully on Finn’s side. It washed the room in a glow that finally felt warm again. Leo felt choked up all over again at the fact that the three of them were all in the same room once more. The bed felt softer, the light like a cocoon. He studied Logan as he frowned at the furrow in Finn’s brow, even in sleep, and the purple beneath his eyes. For a moment, it felt like Logan had never left. He sent Leo a soft smile before putting a hand on Finn’s back through the worn-out Harvard t-shirt he was wearing, rubbing gently. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Finn’s temple that was so tender it made Leo ache.

“Mon rouge,” Logan whispered. “Wake up. I love you, wake up.”

Finn stirred a little, and the crease between his brows deepened before relaxing into sleep again. His fingers fisted his pillow and he turned his face into it, making a soft sound. Leo realized he thought he was dreaming. He sat down on the bed, scooting close to Finn’s sleeping form and smiled at Logan, nodding for him to to try again.

“Harzy. Harzy…” Logan dropped his forehead to Finn’s shoulder. “Wake up, I missed…” The words cut off and Leo watched Logan swallow down his emotion. “Finn.”

Finn stirred again, lips parting, and then he stilled at the feeling of Logan’s cheek against his shoulder, his breath against his neck.

Without opening his eyes, Finn asked, voice sleep-coarse, “Is this real?”

Logan let out a soft laugh—Leo’s favorite laugh—and pressed a kiss to Finn’s shoulder, then his neck, then his cheek. “Ouais, mon amour, open your eyes.”

But Finn still didn’t, just allowed his hand to find the back of Logan’s neck, the other between his shoulder blades, and pulled him down against his chest.

“Lo,” Finn breathed, and turned his face into Logan’s neck.

“It’s me,” Logan whispered, and Leo had to hook his cheek over Finn’s shoulder, then, hand on his hip. Logan pressed another series of hard kisses to Finn’s cheek, to Finn’s tears falling there. “Shh, c’est moi.”

Leo smiled as Logan’s words dissolved into gentle French, then began to cry, too, when Finn did.

“I’m sorry,” Finn said through hitching breaths. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry—”

“No apologies,” Logan whispered, and cupped Finn’s cheek. “Remember? Please, open your eyes…”

Finn rubbed a palm over the for a moment, like he was still scared it was all going to disappear, before finally letting his eyes flutter open to look at Logan. The brown of them looked so warm in the light that Leo had to duck to kiss his jaw.

“Surprise,” Leo whispered.

Finn just reached up and traced a finger along Logan’s neck. “Did you know, Le?” He asked Leo.

Leo shook his head as Logan kissed Finn’s fingers, shifting so that more of his weight pressed against Finn’s chest. He touched his fleur-de-lis around Finn’s neck.

“I didn’t even know until a few hours ago.” Logan turned and kissed Finn’s palm, too, when it pressed to his cheek. “I hope it’s a good surprise.”

“I should punch you for thinking it wouldn’t be,” Finn said, and made a fist and gave the Rangers logo on Logan’s sweatshirt a light bump. But then his hand flattened, pressed right over Logan’s heart. Finn looked over at Leo and then he was grinning, wide, eyes crinkled at the corners. “Got our boy back, Le.”

“We did,” Leo laughed, and bent down to meet Finn’s mouth when he tilted his chin up.

“Come here,” Finn said, and all but heaved Logan into the middle between them, startling a laugh out of him. “Come here right fucking now.”

Leo wrapped his arms around Logan’s waist and pressed his lips to his neck just as Finn brought Logan into a hard kiss. Leo felt Logan’s soft sound vibrate against his lips and Logan reached back to hold Leo there.

“We missed you,” Finn breathed. “Baby, we missed you so much.”

“I know,” Logan said, green eyes bright. “Me too.”

Leo threw his leg over Logan’s hip, could see Finn tangle his and Logan’s ankles together.

“Oh,” Logan let out a long, relieved sigh and tilted his head back into the pillows, closing his eyes. “This is all I’ve wanted.”

Across Logan’s shoulder, Leo met Finn’s eyes. Finn reached out and cupped his cheek. I love you he mouthed, and Leo kissed his wrist.

“Sleep, Lo,” Leo whispered. “We’ve got all week.”

And they slept, curled together, with no alarm to wake them in the morning.

#vaincre lumosinlove #wolfstar #vaincre #lumosinlove #Harry Potter fic #o'knutzy #fluff #angst #hockey au #wolfstar au #sirius black #remus lupin #sirius x remus #remus x sirius #Logan tremblay #Leo knut #finn o'hara

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waltzedintherain · 2 years

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hey y’all!!

i’m gonna do some poly drawing prompts, so send in:

- number

- letter

- ship of your choice!

anyways!! this is gonna be exciting :DD

(drawings are by @mcnuggyy !!<3)

#promt list #o'knutzy #jegulily #o’darwin #wolfstarbucks #sweater weather lumosinlove #coast to coast lumosinlove #james x sirus x remus #james x regulus x lily #leo knut x finn o'hara x logan tremblay #marauders fanart

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livingforcoopsandoknutzy · 2 years

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So my boyfriend and I came out to my my team years ago and they supported. There was a new guy who is very homophobic and made comments about my relationship and I was wondering if you could write something like that but obviously you don't have to I was just wondering.NO PRESSURE. Seriously you don't have to write it

hey babes! first of all i just wanted to say sorry for that prick there's always gotta be someone who can't let others enjoy their happiness but i hope things are better now or getting there. there was so stress or anything i promise so don't worry at all. <3

trigger warnings: homophobia / cursing

Sirius and Remus had been out for a year when they got a new teammate on the Gryffindor Lions. Normally this would be no problem, new teammates were typically nervous and quiet at first so they could watch the team and try to see where they fit best.

But Beau was different. He was brash, sarcastic, and all around rude. He would make rude remarks constantly and it caused immediate tension in the locker room.

It only took a week before it reached a breaking point. Thomas was the first to say something.

Sirius and Remus had just walked in, smiles on both of their faces as Remus leaned closer to hear something Sirius was saying. Thomas smiled at them before turning when he felt something bump his arm to see his new teammate smirking at him. "How often do you get annoyed with them? I feel like it's barely been a week and I'm already tired of their PDA." Beau scoffed like he'd said something funny.

Everyone within hearing distance went quiet.

"What did you just say?" Thomas said. His face having quickly lost all warmth. Beau scoffed. "You can't tell me you are actually comfortable with that in the locker room? They're in here while you're changing. I know your team gets a lot of publicity and you have to act like it's fine but we're teammates now. You don't have to pretend off camera."

Thomas was about three seconds away from decking him. He straightened and glared down at their new teammate. "I'm giving you three seconds to take that right the fuck back."

Beau laughed before looking at the guys around them. They had drawn the attention of Dumo, Winter, and Knut who were all staring at Beau with varying expressions of anger.

Beau laughter died off and a confused look fell over his face.

Dumo spoke up, his voice calm but his face giving away how upset he was. "I don't know where you got that idea but on this team we love and support each other no matter what. You need to either accept that or think about talking to your management about switching teams."

Remus appeared next to Leo with a falsely cheerful smile. "What are we talking about?" Sirius was standing next to him, his face set into his interview face. Cold and shut off. There was a bigger group now. Logan and Finn were standing next to Dumo.

Beau looked around at their faces anxiously, shifting his weight from side to side. "It- I was just-" Leo cut him off, his voice seemingly kind to everyone who didn't know him.

"He was just learning some ground rules for being on the team." Remus nodded and looked around the team. "Okay, well I think that's enough ground rules for the day, as long as the newbie understood them?"

The entire team turned their heads toward Beau who had long ago averted his eyes to the floor. He remained silent.

Sirius stepped up, "Was that understood?" Beau jolted slightly, obviously having not expected Sirius to talk to him. "Yes, captain."

Sirius nodded and cracked a false smile. "Good. Now, everyone better be on the ice in five minutes." As soon as the words came out of his mouth everyone started dispersing. Talker still glaring daggers and Logan mumbling angrily under his breath. Dumo watched Beau scamper off before turning to the boys. "If anything like that happens again you tell me, alright?" Remus nodded gratefully.

Sirius and Remus hung back until the locker room was more or less deserted. Remus walked up to Sirius until he was close enough to rest their foreheads together. "You okay?" He asked quietly.

Sirius let out a small huff before closing his eyes and leaning a bit more into Remus. "Fucking homophobes." Remus stuttered out an unexpected laugh and leaned down to kiss Sirius gently.

"Fucking homophobes."

#coops #remus x sirius #sirius black #remus lupin #oc #leo knut #finn o'hara #logan tremblay #lumosinlove #o'knutzy #sweater weather #tw: homophobia #cw: homophobia #tw: cursing #cw: cursing #i hope i did that justice #love you tons <3

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ajanonsworld · 1 year

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Just thinking about how after wc 2022 there were a bunch of messi x Taylor swift edits and now after finishing Sweather weather by lumosinlove all I can think about is someone making the same edit of Sirius to your on your own kid 🥲

Imagine young Sirius at the start and by the end it's full of pride flags, Sirius being more open and friendly in interviews and ending the edit with Sirius and Remus on the ice after they won the cup 😭😭 wish an edit like this existed low-key!

#lumosinlove #sweather weather #oknutzy #sirius black #remus lupin #james potter #finn ohara #leo knut #wolfstar #logan tremblay #sweater weather lumosinlove #youre on your own kid #taylor swift #Messi x Taylor swift

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eludin-realm · 6 months

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Character Name Ideas (Male)

So I've been browsing through BehindTheName (great resource!) recently and have compiled several name lists. Here are some names, A-Z, that I like. NOTE: If you want to use any of these please verify sources, meanings etc, I just used BehindTheName to browse and find all of these. Under the cut:

A: Austin, Aiden, Adam, Alex, Angus, Anthony, Archie, Argo, Ari, Aric, Arno, Atlas, August, Aurelius, Alexei, Archer, Angelo, Adric, Acarius, Achilou, Alphard, Amelian, Archander B: Bodhi, Bastian, Baz, Beau, Beck, Buck, Basil, Benny, Bentley, Blake, Bowie, Brad, Brady, Brody, Brennan, Brent, Brett, Brycen C: Cab, Cal, Caden, Cáel, Caelan, Caleb, Cameron, Chase, Carlos, Cooper, Carter, Cas, Cash, Cassian, Castiel, Cedric, Cenric, Chance, Chandler, Chaz, Chad, Chester, Chet, Chip, Christian, Cillian, Claude, Cicero, Clint, Cody, Cory, Coy, Cole, Colt, Colton, Colin, Colorado, Colum, Conan, Conrad, Conway, Connor, Cornelius, Creed, Cyneric, Cynric, Cyrano, Cyril, Cyrus, Crestian, Ceric D: Dallas, Damien, Daniel, Darach, Dash, Dax, Dayton, Denver, Derek, Des, Desmond, Devin, Dewey, Dexter, Dietrich, Dion, Dmitri, Dominic, Dorian, Douglas, Draco, Drake, Drew, Dudley, Dustin, Dusty, Dylan, Danièu E: Eadric, Evan, Ethan, Easton, Eddie, Eddy, Einar, Eli, Eilas, Eiljah, Elliott, Elton, Emanuel, Emile, Emmett, Enzo, Erik, Evander, Everett, Ezio F: Faolán, Faron, Ferlin, Felix, Fenrir, Fergus, Finley, Finlay, Finn, Finnian, Finnegan, Flint, Flip, Flynn, Florian, Forrest, Fritz G: Gage, Gabe, Grady, Grant, Gray, Grayson, Gunnar, Gunther, Galahad H: Hale, Harley, Harper, Harvey, Harry, Huey, Hugh, Hunter, Huxley I: Ian, Ianto, Ike, Inigo, Isaac, Isaias, Ivan, Ísak J: Jack, Jacob, Jake, Jason, Jasper, Jax, Jay, Jensen, Jed, Jeremy, Jeremiah, Jesse, Jett, Jimmie, Jonas, Jonas, Jonathan, Jordan, Josh, Julien, Jovian, Jun, Justin, Joseph, Joni, K: Kaden, Kai, Kale, Kane, Kaz, Keane, Keaton, Keith, Kenji, Kenneth, Kent, Kevin, Kieran, Kip, Knox, Kris, Kristian, Kyle, Kay, Kristján, Kristófer L: Lamont, Lance, Landon, Lane, Lars, László, Laurent, Layton, Leander, Leif, Leo, Leonidas, Leopold, Levi, Lewis, Louie, Liam, Liberty, Lincoln, Linc, Linus, Lionel, Logan, Loki, Lucas, Lucian, Lucio, Lucky, Luke, Luther, Lyall, Lycus, Lykos, Lyle, Lyndon, Llewellyn, Landri, Laurian, Lionç M: Major, Manny, Manuel, Marcus, Mason, Matt, Matthew, Matthias, Maverick, Maxim, Memphis, Midas, Mikko, Miles, Mitch, Mordecai, Mordred, Morgan, Macari, Maïus, Maxenci, Micolau, Miro N: Nate, Nathan, Nathaniel, Niall, Nico, Niels, Nik, Noah, Nolan, Niilo, Nikander, Novak, O: Oakley, Octavian, Odin, Orlando, Orrick, Ǫrvar, Othello, Otis, Otto, Ovid, Owain, Owen, Øyvind, Ozzie, Ollie, Oliver, Onni P: Paisley, Palmer, Percival, Percy, Perry, Peyton, Phelan, Phineas, Phoenix, Piers, Pierce, Porter, Presley, Preston, Pacian Q: Quinn, Quincy, Quintin R: Ragnar, Raiden, Ren, Rain, Rainier, Ramos, Ramsey, Ransom, Raul, Ray, Roy, Reagan, Redd, Reese, Rhys, Rhett, Reginald, Remiel, Remy, Ridge, Ridley, Ripley, Rigby, Riggs, Riley, River, Robert, Rocky, Rokas, Roman, Ronan, Ronin, Romeo, Rory, Ross, Ruairí, Rufus, Rusty, Ryder, Ryker, Rylan, Riku, Roni S: Sammie, Sammy, Samuel, Samson, Sanford, Sawyer, Scout, Seán, Seth, Sebastian, Seymour, Shane, Shaun, Shawn, Sheldon, Shiloh, Shun, Sid, Sidney, Silas, Skip, Skipper, Skyler, Slade, Spencer, Spike, Stan, Stanford, Sterling, Stevie, Stijn, Suni, Sylvan, Sylvester T: Tab, Tad, Tanner, Tate, Tennessee, Tero, Terrance, Tevin, Thatcher, Tierno, Tino, Titus, Tobias, Tony, Torin, Trace, Trent, Trenton, Trev, Trevor, Trey, Troy, Tripp, Tristan, Tucker, Turner, Tyler, Ty, Teemu U: Ulric V: Valerius, Valor, Van, Vernon, Vespasian, Vic, Victor, Vico, Vince, Vinny, Vincent W: Wade, Walker, Wallis, Wally, Walt, Wardell, Warwick, Watson, Waylon, Wayne, Wes, Wesley, Weston, Whitley, Wilder, Wiley, William, Wolfe, Wolfgang, Woody, Wulfric, Wyatt, Wynn X: Xander, Xavier Z: Zachary, Zach, Zane, Zeb, Zebediah, Zed, Zeke, Zeph, Zaccai

#will i use these names for future characters? absolutely yes #okay to reblog this #okay to reblog

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awanderingdeal · 9 months

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O'Knutzy week 2023 - Day 2

Character credit - @lumosinlove

For @oknutzyweek2023

Prompts: Proposal, cooking mishaps, advice, laundry, new

Leo is going to propose to Logan and Finn, and it is going to be perfect. He's just a little nervous about it.

He buys the rings. That part goes great. 3 simple white gold bands. Logan and Finn's are inscribed with ' L x' That's the way Leo always signs off his notes to them. His own is inscribed with "Yours always,." Nothing else about the run-up seems to go right. He can't decide when or where to do it.

Finn and Logan are getting worried because Leo seems to be super distracted and making silly little mistakes he didn't usually. Including a few cooking mishaps - a very flat cake, a burnt chicken and a chilli that nearly kills Logan. ("How is it?" Leo called from the kitchen. He knows Logan and Finn will have started even without the sour cream and cheese he was currently holding. A little taste test, they called it. Except he didn't get the usual plethora of compliments. Then he hears the coughing. Was someone choking? "Guys! What's happening?!" His heart pounded in his chest as he rushed back into the dining area. Nobody was choking, but Logan was pushed his chair back from the table, beads of sweat pilling at his forehead and breath now coming in short little pants. "Is it bad?" Leo asked sceptically. He didn't make bad chilli; his ancestors would disown him. "Just a little hot," Logan said.)

The next time he phones his dad, he asks for his advice. He'd proposed to his mom so surely he must have tips, right? His dad is less than helpful with ideas, but he does calm him down. "Most folk that propose are nervous, son. But let me tell you something. If those boys of yours want to say yes, then they will say yes no matter what. And there ain't no perfect time or place that's going to turn a no into a yes. If you ask me though, they'll say yes. Be stupid not to."

In the end he does it on new year's eve. They'd decided on a quiet one this year. They'd just moved into a new place and had literally finished unpacking the last box - or at least those that didn't include those ones that would sit in the garage for the next two years before being donated - the day before. It's 4pm in the afternoon and the three of them are folding a pile of laundry. "I don't remember wearing this," Finn said, as he folded an old Harvard hoodie. "It was me," Logan shrugged, plucking a t-shirt from the pile. That one was Leo's. "This one too. But you can have them back, they won't smell like you any more." "Marry me." The words slip out of Leo's mouth before he even realises. He blinks. Logan blinks. Finn blinks. Leo is the first to recover. "Fuck. This wasn't supposed to go like this. I have rings and everything. Wait here," Leo said. He doesn't wait for a reply as he jogs to the spare room where he's hidden the rings. "Spoiler alert, I'm going to say yes!" Finn laughs.

#o'knutzyweek2023 #logan tremblay #finn o'hara #leo knut #lumosinlove

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themomsandthecity · 1 year

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Phoenix, Oscar, Leo, Arlo, and 170 More of the Cutest Names For Baby Boys

Brainstorming baby names can be one of the most fun (and important) aspects of planning for the arrival of your little one, but it can also feel really overwhelming. If you don't have certain requirements, like wanting a name that runs in the family, the possibilities can seem endless. Our names are the first thing tied to our identities, and we know how daunting that sounds - so we're here to ease you of any stress you have on your hunt for cute baby boy names. Choosing a cute boy name that will be equally fitting for an adorable infant and the adult he grows into can be a challenge, which is why we compiled this list of cute, unique boy names. You're sure to find an option that flow well with your last name or other kids' names among the cute names for boys we rounded up here. You might even find two that you like to help you out with a middle name option. (Oh, and if you want options for cute girls' names, we have you covered for that too, with our list of cute girl names.) Cute Names For Boys A Abe, Addison, Aiden, Amir, Amos, Ansel, Archie, Ari, Arlo, Asher, Atticus, August, Austin, Avery, Axel B Beau, Beckett, Bentley, Benicio, Benito, Benjamin, Billy, Bishop, Blake, Bodhi, Briggs, Brody, Brooks C Caleb, Campbell, Carter, Caspian, Charlie, Cody, Colby, Cole, Colton, Cooper, Crew, Crosby, Cruz D Dallas, Dash, Dawson, Dax, Deacon, Diego, Dillan, Donovan, Dorian, Duke, Dustin, Dylan E Easton, Eden, Eli, Elias, Elliott, Emerson, Emmett, Ender, Enrique, Enzo, Everest, Ewan, Ezra F Felipe, Finley, Finn, Fletcher, Ford, Frankie, G Gabriel, Gage, Gavin, Graham, Grant, Gray, Greyson, Griffin, Gus Related: Waverly, Merritt, and 103 Other Unique and Beautiful Girls' Names H Harley, Henry, Hudson, Hugh, Hurley I Ian, Ira, Isaac, Isaiah J Jacob, Jack, Jaime, Jasper, Jaxon, Jayden, Jett, Jude, Julian K Kai, Khalil, Kingsley, Knox L Larkin, Leo, Liam, Logan, Luke M Mason, Maverick, Max, Memphis, Miles, Milo, Morris N Nate, Neo, Nico, Noah, Noe, Nolan O Oden, Oliver, Omari, Oscar, Otis, Owen P Peyton, Phoenix, Pierce Q Quentin, Quinn Related: 50 Adorable and Meaningful Names For Baby Boys in 2022 R Remy, Rhett, Rhys, Roman, Ronin, Rowan, Ryan, Ryder S Samuel, Sawyer, Santiago, Sebastian, Shane, Silas T Tate, Theodore, Titan, Tobias, Toby, Trenton U Uri V Valentino, Van, Virgil W Walker, Wesley, Wren, Wrenynn, Wyatt X Xander, Xavi, Xavier Y Yasir, Yates, Yonah, York, Yunis, Yuri Z Zachary, Zaiden, Zander, Zane https://www.popsugar.com/family/Cute-Boy-Names-43713664?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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splendidlyinlove · 2 years

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hi!! super cute sweet nothing fic <3

was wondering if you would write a fluffy, domestic fic for the cubs? just like sleepiness or doing chores together or reading together idk i will take anything sweet!! x

I sure can! <3

To Love and Be Loved

Pairing: O'Knutzy

Rating: Teen and Up (for a singular swear)

Summary: Leo is making a grocery list. Logan is not pleased.

Read it on ao3!

All characters belong to the lovely and talented @lumosinlove

Content warning for mentions of food!

Eggs.

Bread.

Those croissants Fish likes.

I’m missing something…..

Leo worried the tip of his pen between his lips, his brow furrowed in cocentration, when a mass of blankets hit him square in the back.

“Oof. Good morning to you too, mon amour.”

“Iffs fol ihout oo n’ eree.”

“I’m afraid that is not a language I speak” Leo chuckled. Logan lifted his head away from Leo’s back and out from the blanket enshrouding him. His curls were sticking up in varying directions and his bleary eyes shone in the early morning sun.

“I said ‘It’s cold without you in there’ come back to bed Le.”

“I’m in the middle of something and you’re cold because you're not wearing anything except boxers, go put some clothes on.” Leo smiled as arms tightened around his waist.

“It's a Saturday, it's illegal to wear anything more than underwear and what is more important than going back to bed with your hot, and as you pointed out, half naked boyfriend at five in the morning?”

“It’s nine thirty.” Logan let out a long exasperated sigh and let his forehead drop heavily against Leo’s back. Leo chuckled and continued, “I’m making a grocery list, everything has been so hectic this week I forgot to get groceries and now we have literally nothing in the fridge to eat for breakfast. I meant to catch Finn before his morning run but he snuck out of bed without me noticing. So, I need to run out real quick and come back before I can make breakfast.” Leo rested his arm on the corner of the counter and gently rubbed his forehead with his hand. I’m missing something, what am I missing?

“We can always just order something from the diner around the corner. You don’t have to make breakfast for us, especially if you have to get up early to do it. Don’t worry Le, we’ll order something and I’ll get groceries this afternoon.” Logan placed a soft kiss in the middle of his spine.

“I know, but it's something I like to do for y’all. It’s how I show you that I love you.” Leo turned around and softly gazed into Logan’s eyes, Logan’s mouth spread into a soft smile.

“I think we’re both very aware of just how much you love us.” Logan took Leo’s hand and twined their fingers together. At that moment the telltale sound of a keys jingling spread throughout the apartment. Then a door opening. Then very loud rustling. Then something that sounded suspiciously like tripping and then a muffled shit. Leo shook his head, smiling in disbelief that this was Finn trying to be quiet, while Logan tried to stifle his laughter into Leo’s chest. Finn rounded the corner into the kitchen sweaty, flushed, and slightly out of breath carrying brown paper bags. He also had a small grimace on his face as he did a very good impression of a cartoon character tiptoeing. When he saw Logan and Leo his face broke into a wide relieved smile.

“Oh, thank god you guys are already awake. I was so scared I woke you two up. Anyways,” Finn lifted up the paper bags in his hand “ I saw that we had no food in the fridge, so I went grocery shopping after my run. I got eggs, bread, those croissants I like, milk, and some other things. I got at least enough for breakfast, we might need to go back to get something I missed. I didn't have a list-” Finn continued to ramble.

Leo paused. Milk. Milk! That's what he was missing. A smile that shined like the sun bloomed on Leo’s face. He grabbed Finn’s face between his palms and kissed him soundly on the lips.

“You’re wonderful, you know?”

Finn pulled back looking both dazed and in love. “Thanks?”

Logan cleared his throat. “Now can we all go back to bed?”

Finn looked down at his clothes, still sweaty from his run. “Would you settle for a warm shower?”

Logan made a show of pondering this for a minute, before airily sighing and tilting his head towards the air. “I guess I can make that sacrifice.”

Finn flicked him on the back of the head. He grabbed both Leo’s and Logan’s wrists and dragged them towards the bathroom.

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luminouslywriting · 2 years

Text

Rules/Characters I Write For

1. I will not be writing any smut, so don't ask for it....spice on the other hand (totally allowed :)

2. All imagines will be directed towards the reader who is a female or gender neutral. This means I AM NOT inserting names or personalized characters that you, the reader comes up with.

Example: Y/N can be the sibling of (insert character), but she/they will not have a name that you request

Bad Example: Lyssa is the sister of (insert character), and here's her entire backstory...etc.

3. Please be respectful and don't steal from me. It takes me time to come up with these ideas.

4. I have the right to reject any requests/imagines/preferences that I feel uncomfortable writing about.

5.. Your request may require me to get more information from you about the idea you have or the character you want said reader to end up with.

6. Occasionally I do talk about mature subjects such as depression, self-harm, eating disorders, bullying, etc. I will have trigger warnings posted at the beginning of each chapter.

7. I am in college and this takes me a long time to write out sometimes. Please be patient and understanding.

Characters I Write For:

MCU: (Note that I will do familial/platonic female characters x reader)

Example: (Can I get a Natasha Romanoff x daughter reader?)

-Tony Stark

-Steve Rogers

-Peter Parker

-Thor

-Loki

-Bucky Barnes

-Scott Lang

-T'Challa

-Moon Knight

(Note that I will do Agents of Shield Team imagines, that means it's not relationships, but the entire team) Example: (Can I get a AOS team x anxious reader?)

(Also accepting requests for Alex Summers/Havok)

BATFAMILY: (Note that I will do familial/platonic female characters x reader) (These will include Kate Kane, Barbara Gordon, Stephanie Brown, Cassandra Cain, and Selina Kyle)

-Bruce Wayne (Gotham and other versions)

-Dick Grayson

-Jason Todd

-Tim Drake

-Damian Wayne

YOUNG JUSTICE/Live Action Titans/Teen Titans

-Dick Grayson

-Wally West

-Conner Kent

-Roy Harper

-Tim Drake

-Bart Allen

-Team Imagines (As a group, usually platonic)

-Female YJ Characters in familial or platonic ways

-Robin (Teen Titans Version)

-Nightwing (Titans)

-Jason Todd (Titans)

-Garfield Logan (Titans)

-Superboy (Titans)

NARNIA: (NOTE THAT I WILL DO PLATONIC/FAMILIAL FEMALE IMAGINES/X READERS)

-Peter Pevensie

-Edmund Pevensie

-Caspian

-The Pevensie Siblings (platonically or familial)

PERCY JACKSON: (NOTE THAT I WILL DO PLATONIC/FAMILIAL FEMALE IMAGINES/X READERS)

-Percy Jackson

-Luke Castellan

-Jason Grace

-Leo Valdez

-Frank Zhang

-The 7

-Any other characters will have to be specifically requested and I reserve the right to reject the request

HARRY POTTER: NOTE THAT I WILL DO PLATONIC/FAMILIAL FEMALE IMAGINES/X READERS)

-Harry Potter

-Fred Weasley

-George Weasley

-Draco Malfoy

-Golden Trio Era (Group/platonic)

-Newt Scamander

-Theseus Scamander

-Scamander Era (Group/Platonic)

-James Potter

-Sirius Black

-Remus Lupin

-Regulus Black

-Marauders Era (Group/Platonic)

STAR WARS: NOTE THAT I WILL DO PLATONIC/FAMILIAL FEMALE IMAGINES/X READERS, INCLUDES: LEIA, PADME, AHSOKA, REY, HERA, SABINE, AND OTHERS IF SPECIFIED)

-Obi-Wan Kenobi

-Anakin Skywalker

-Kanan Jarrus/Caleb Dume

-Ezra Bridger

-Luke Skywalker

-Han Solo

-Finn

-Poe Dameron

-Kylo Ren

-Prequels Trio (Platonically): Obi-Wan, Anakin, Padme

-Original Trio (Platonically): Leia, Luke, and Han

-Sequels Trio (Platonically: Rey, Finn, and Poe

STRANGER THINGS: (NOTE THAT I WILL DO PLATONIC/FAMILIAL FEMALE IMAGINES/X READERS)

Note that 90% of these will be friendship x readers

-Steve Harrington

-Eddie Munson

-The kids (Dustin, Mike, Lucas, Will, El, Max, and Erica) (WILL BE PLATONIC/SIBLING/FRIENDSHIP)

#starwars #youngjustice #marvel #harrypotter #percyjackson #narnia #batfam

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floralflorence · 3 months

Text

ofc when I get everything ready to post my ao3 doesn't work (my dumbass didn't check that it would be down for maintenance for the next hour and a bit :/)

I WILL BE UPDATING WITHIN THE NEXT 2 HOURS I PROMISE. as soon as ao3 is back, it'll be up <33

EDIT: it's up - hope you enjoy, flo xx

#lumosinlove #o'knutzy #lumosinlove ocs #o'knutzy x reg #leo knut #finn ohara #logan tremblay #regulus black #ao3 fanfic #ao3 #cubshots #update

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lumosinlove · 3 years

Text

Vaincre

part v

cw: homophobic encounter.

November

November shadows,

shade November change

November spells sweet memory,

the season blue remains

“Lo!” Finn called. “Guess who just got traded to the Rags.”

Cool dread spun its way into Logan’s chest at full force. He felt the point of one of his hips knock against the counter. “Quoi?”

“Marshy and Morgs!” Finn said, and the appeared around the corner into the kitchen, red hair a mess. “Like, together. Like us.”

“These were Harvard teammates, yeah?” Leo asked, spooning sugar into Logan’s coffee.

“Like us?” Logan said. “They’re dating?”

“Oh, no,” Finn laughed. “I just meant together, like, at the same time. Around the same time, I guess I should say.”

“Wow,” Logan nodded, which prompted Finn to imitate the way he said wow, drawing out the W’s. Logan smiled, lifting his cup to his mouth. “We could visit them over the next free weekend maybe.”

“Damn, that’d be a blast to the past.”

“What are they like?” Leo asked, leaning into Logan’s side.

“You’d love Will. Will Morgan, Morgs,” Logan said. “Really level-headed, probably the nicest person I know. Marshy…”

“Percy Marshall is one crazy motherfucker,” Finn said, and poured his own cup of coffee, black.

Logan leaned into mock-whisper to Leo. “And Finn gets insane when they’re together.”

Finn shot him a look, but continued. “Best way to say it. He’ll party until the sun, he’s crazy superstitious—worse than Cap and Loops combined—and he’s also,” Finn slid onto a stool. “One of the hardest working guys you’ll ever met. Probably the hardest working.” Finn’s smile was one Logan’s favorite one, made even more so by the fact that he got to see it directed at Leo. “Until I met you, that is, Nut.”

Leo let out a pleased laugh and let Logan brush a hand through his hair. “Well, they’re in our division now. I’ll get to meet them.”

“Oh, man, we’re in for a fucking treat when we play New York next,” Finn grinned. “Gonna hit the town hard.”

Leo snorted. “You guys might.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Finn pressed a kiss to Leo’s cheek. “I know everyone we need to know.”

“And I can finally tell you,” Logan began. “That the first time you dragged me around New York knowing ever person you saw, I loved you.”

Finn blushed a little and let Leo pull him to settle in the V of his legs from where he was leaning back against the counter. “Well, it’ll be nice to see them.”

Logan nodded, but part of his chest pulled. He cleared his throat. “Ouais. Also…”

When he paused, Leo tapped their socked toes together encouragingly.

Logan shrugged and looked down into his coffee. He thought of Finn’s quick breaths when they took the Cup back to Harvard. He thought of kissing him in their old room. He thought of everything before. Percy and Will were a part of all of that. Not directly, maybe, but Logan knew what seeing them again would do.

“Memories,” Finn said, and Leo nudged him.

“Don’t say it for him.”

“Oh, right, sorry.”

“Memories,” Logan agreed. “Good and bad.”

Remus missed the net three times in fifteen minutes, and only barely managed to keep himself from breaking his stick against the boards. He would be embarrassed afterwards if he had, but could it really be so much worse than the way that he felt now?

He accepted Thomas’ fist bump as he passed him going into the locker room and sat down heavily in his stall. The game had been close, but the Devils had won out in the end. He glanced at some of the assistant coaches, who were murmuring together. There was no guarantee it was about him, but it still felt as thought it was. Sirius was talking with Evgeni, Evgeni’s loud laugh warming up the room. Remus stripped out of his sweaty uniform quickly and was headed for the showers with a towel around his waist when someone slapped him on the back.

“It’s decided,” Logan’s accent came from beside him. He wasn’t bothering with his towel, which was slung over his bare shoulder. The fleur-de-lis tattoo on his hip—and everything else—was on full display. “Me and Talker are taking you out tonight.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “What does that mean exactly?”

Logan just smiled. “No boyfriends. No hockey. We have a day off tomorrow, so no pressure. Just some drinks.”

“And some pool, maybe,” Thomas said, coming up to Remus’ other side. “What do you say, Loops? Fun, eh?”

“Okay, one of you is butt-naked right now and the other is in a three-piece suit. I’m going to say yes and shower, all right?”

Thomas gave a whoop, and Remus couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face as he dropped his towel in the change room and turned on the hot water. He felt like a sling-shot lately, being catapulted one way, and then in the opposite direction. He guessed he should feel thankful that his friends could pick him up like that, and he did, but another part of him caved in beneath the sheer affection.

I’m letting you down.

He scrubbed his hands through his hair, and looked over his shoulder when he felt a gentle, quick kiss against the back of his neck.

“Bonsoir,” Sirius said with a soft smile, and went to the shower head beside him.

“Hi,” Remus smiled back. “Beautiful goal tonight.”

He watched the water lace over Sirius’ tan skin, darkening his hair further as he pushed it back, away from his face. “You’re beautiful.”

“Hey, Olli,” Finn called across the showers, making Olli look over at him. “You’re fucking beautiful, man.”

Olli just squeezed shampoo into his palm. “I know that, Harzy.”

Sirius’ laugh echoed through the showers, joined by others, and Remus let it warm around him like the steam.

“Apparently Tremz and Talkie are taking me out tonight,” he said to Sirius as they walked back into the locker room.

“Tremz,” Sirius called over to him. “Ouch.”

“Pas de capitaines,” Logan waved him off and went back to looking at whatever Leo was showing him on his phone. Sirius laughed and looked back to Remus.

“Sounds perfect,” he said. “Wake me up when you come in if I’m asleep.”

“And go to bed without a kiss?” Remus glanced down at the towel slung low across Sirius’ hips, then back up to his bright silver eyes. “I’d never.”

Sirius smiled and kissed him, but Remus felt the unspoken settling between them. Sirius had stopped bringing up wanting to help with Remus’ shortcomings on the ice. Remus knew he had brought that upon himself with refusals after refusals to talk about it, but now it felt more like a thing. An object. An ugly vase in the corner of the room.

Maybe he really did need to go out tonight.

Thomas settled in his stall beside Remus. “We’re gonna go to Red’s, yeah?”

Remus nodded as he pulled his gray t-shirt over his head. He held up his dark jeans. “I can wear this, right?”

“Fuck yeah, I’m not wearing this thing,” Thomas picked at the lapel of his suit. “Noelle already screen shotted the snapchat I sent her. Why keep it on now?”

Remus just laughed. “All right, Talkie. Lead the way.”

Red’s bar was shoved up against the side of a larger block of buildings in Gryffindor. Remus glanced up, one or two stars were poking through the increasingly cooling loud cover. Inside it was warm, though. Foggy in the way some rooms get when there are lots of happy people in them. Logan had chosen a long-sleeved, dark gray cotton shirt, so thin that Remus could see each ridge of his defined muscles and his necklace, too.

“What the fuck happens when that thing gets wet?” Remus snorted, plucking at it as they waited for their drinks at the bar.

“I’ll pretend we had a fight,” Thomas said. “Throw a drink on you, find out.”

Logan just eyed them suspiciously as they leaned against the bar. “You guys are strange.”

Thomas just flagged the bartender, stretching the white material of his thin knit sweater. He ordered a whiskey, Logan a rum and coke, and Remus opted for a lighter gin and tonic. They still had a game on barely 72 hours. Not that anyone was that much of a light weight, but he didn’t want any assumptions being made, any photographs taken that could put him in a worse light than he already was.

“I know what this is, you know,” he said after Logan and Thomas’ intense COD debate had gone on too long. They both looked over at him, the picture of innocence. Remus rolled his eyes. “I’m fine.”

“Media’s a bitch,” Thomas said. “That’s all this is. Hockey’s hard. You can’t help that you live with Cap, who makes it all look like a piece of cake.”

Logan laughed. “I think Cap would disagree. He stinks after games, mon dieu.”

Remus and Thomas shared a look. “And you don’t?”

“Finn likes it,” Logan smirked. “Gets him going.”

“Are you sure its the stench and not the muscles?” Thomas raised an eyebrow.

Logan waved him off. “I’m not talking about this with you two. We’re here for Loops.”

Remus groaned. “Guys…it’s not…I mean every player goes through this, right?”

They both nodded.

“Sure,” Thomas said. “But it doesn’t help that some people—“

“Assholes,” Logan amended.

“Right. It doesn’t help that some assholes don’t think you deserve to be here.”

Remus tilted his glass towards him. “Yeah.”

“We just think…” Logan began uncertainly, tongue poking out to wet his full bottom lip. “Look, I love Cap. He’s like a brother. But he’s intense. For him…sometimes hockey solves hockey.”

Remus wavered. “Yes and no.”

“We just thought you might want some other ears,” Thomas offered a smile. “I mean we can’t offer a feel good night of lovin’ to make you feel better…”

Remus snorted. “Right. You know, Talkie, that’s exactly what Sirius calls it.”

Thomas cracked up, too. “But we can offer drinks. And, you know…”

Logan raised an eyebrow at him, amused. “Ears?”

“Right,” Thomas nodded. “Look at Tremzy over here, finishing my sentences.”

Remus let his smile die down a little. “I…thanks, guys. I mean, I love talking to Sirius, but I also…he is the Captain. He’s a representation of all of us. I feel a little…” Remus took a slow breath, not sure if he was even ready for the words to come out of his mouth. “I feel a little like I’m letting him, and you all, down sometimes.”

“Aw, Loops,” Thomas said, voice softened.

“I know,” Remus sighed. “It’s just…it creeps in sometimes.”

Remus watched Logan swallow. “I get it. If there’s anything I can understand it’s guilt.”

“Tremz,” Remus said comfortingly. “I guess I should listen to my own advice here, but it’s not your fault. I can be ears, too, you know.”

“Is this…�� Thomas said quietly. “Carrot?”

They both stared at him. “Carrot?”

“Code names,” Thomas whispered, even though the tables were noisy and the bar was somewhat empty.

Logan laughed a little, and nodded.

Remus waited. Logan gathered thoughts slowly, carefully. Interrupting, he’d learned while talking with Leo, tended to scatter them. He was also happy that the spotlight wasn’t entirely on him anymore.

“I found him at Harvard,” Logan began, swallowing dryly despite the drink in his hand. “And I was a mess. And then we spent that year apart, and I was a mess. And then I found him again, in Gryffindor, and I was a mess. I fell in love with Leo and I was a mess.” He looked at them, eyes pleading, then back down at his drink. “I am so, so happy now. It worked out. I can’t believe my luck. I wake up so fucking happy every morning. Every little look at them, my life with them, is incredible.”

Remus and Thomas waited some more. Thomas sent Remus a half smile across him, then leaned his cheek on his fist.

Finally, Logan finished. “But I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t a mess without them.” He closed his eyes, exhaled a frustrated breath through his nose. “That doesn’t make sense.”

Thomas nodded. “Yeah, it really does. Tremz, I get it.” He tilted his glass, making his ice cubes stir the liquid inside. “You’re someone when you’re with who you love. But you gotta be your own someone, too.”

“Ouais,” Logan was already nodded. “Right, like…Re, you’re you, no matter what. Leo, he’s the same way. Finn, too.”

Remus sighed. “I’m not so sure right now. But I think what you’re saying makes sense. Tremz, you’re allowed to want that for yourself. It’s not a slight to the boys. At all.”

Logan laughed, still laced with frustration. He rubbed at his eyes. “But I don’t even know what I’m asking for.”

Remus smiled. “Hate to break it to you, but you’ve got a pretty level-headed duo in your corner. I mean, Finn’s Finn.”

Thomas snorted. “Might take him a second.”

Logan smiled and it was fond. “Yeah.”

“But Leo…” Remus snapped his fingers. “He’ll get it. They both will.”

Logan narrowed his eyes at the bar. “I’m not asking for space. I don’t want space. I don’t want anything to change I just want to stop feeling like I’ll crash and burn by myself.”

“Me too,” Remus admitted. “Maybe in a different way, but…me too.”

“I don’t know if I feel like I’m gonna crash,” Thomas said thoughtfully. “But hey, life’s tough sometimes.” He smiled and raised his glass. “Friends.”

They clinked their glasses together, laughing, the conversation turning to organizing a pick-up game in the park that weekend—if it didn’t snow.

“Gotta use the big WC, gents,” Thomas said after a while, picking up his crutches. “Then pool?”

“Who the hell calls it that?” Remus snorted.

“Me,” Thomas called over his shoulder, politely excusing his way through the crowd with his charming smile and causing a few longing looks to follow him at his back.

Logan drained the last of his rum and coke. “You don’t feel like Cap’s putting pressure on you, do you?”

Remus looked at him, eyes widening for a moment. “God, no. No, he’s been nothing but supportive. It’s mostly me, I think. He even wants to talk about it. Sometimes I just…can’t.”

Logan nodded. “Good. No, good, I just thought I’d ask. When I first met him, he’d get like that with me sometimes. Wanting to run extra drills or talk through tape. I snapped at him for it a bit. This was before he was really who he is now.”

“Parents were lingering in him,” Remus nodded. “Yeah, I remember.”

A man came to lean against the bar beside Remus, then, and Remus shot him a smile that he hoped looked friendly rather than uneasy. The guy was really in his space. He shared a look with Logan, who’s shoulders were rounded a little in alert, green eyes narrowed in on the guy.

“You’re Lupin, eh?” the man said.

Remus sighed softly, looking down at his now watery drink. He should’ve known.

“Yep,” he replied, and looked at the man. He had two friends, hovering a little ways back.

“What’s going on this season, huh?”

The worst part was that the man was smiling, as if he thought this conversation was going to go well.

“I mean, I know you’re with the Captain and all,” the man said. “But, I mean…come on. Some of us care about how the team does.”

“Excuse me?” Remus replied.

The man tilted his head, looking mockingly regretful. “It’s not just about you.”

“Okay,” Remus said, keeping his voice flat.

“What he do to get you there?” the man asked, leaning in like they were friends. “I mean, like…some type of reward, or does he already give you those at home?”

Remus flushed. “I think we’re done talking.”

At least his friends had the decency to look a little nervous.

The man narrowed his eyes. “I’m just saying.”

“Fuck off, man,” Logan said in a low tone.

“What,” he sneered. “You got yourself a boyfriend, too, Tremblay?”

Logan was on his feet then, stools screeching back, taller than the man, stronger. Remus’ arm shot out against his chest, keeping him and his balled fists back. The man’s friend stepped forward, too.

“Whoa, Mike,” one of the friends said, hesitating. “That’s not why we…that’s not what this is.”

“Oh,” Thomas scoffed, announcing himself as he made his way back to them. He somehow made his crutches and boot look threatening. “Wrong type of harassment for you, my guy?”

The fans’ eyes went large. “Talker…”

Thomas just stared at them, and Remus watched him go from Thomas Walker with his friends to Thomas Walker on the ice, defensemen. Enforcer. “Only my friends call me that. Sit down at your own table or get out.”

Thomas shouldered through them, one crutch landing briefly on Mike’s shoe, who only just bit back a groan. Thomas was all bright, sharp grin as he sat down, leaning his crutches against the bar again. He waved the bartender over, then looked at Mike who was still standing there.

“Do I have say it again for you?” Logan snarled. “Trust me, you don’t want me to.”

Logan sat down slowly as the three men backed up and turned away. Remus pressed a thankful hand to his shoulder, also meant to calm him down a bit.

“Well, that was fun,” Thomas sighed. “Jesus. We take you out to forget about it and those three show up.”

“It’s fine,” Remus said, though his heart was pounding. “I’m surprised that was the first time it happened. Had a close call at the grocery store the other day.”

“Another round?” Logan asked. “Then pool?”

“Ouais,” Remus smiled, in his best impression of Sirius.

Most of November passed without change. Remus felt the stagnant ball of frustration in his stomach. He and Sirius cooked together, slowly mastering more and more recipes. Remus lived for the triumphant look on Sirius’ face when a dish came out just right. He went out with Logan and Thomas, with James and Sirius, Finn and Jackson and Kasey. He never felt more at home than when he was tucked against Sirius’ side at a team dinner, watching Logan toss food into Finn’s mouth from across the table, hollering when he caught it and then ruffling an embarrassed Leo’s hair, who was shushing them.

The weather had officially turned to Gryffindor winter, biting harsher and harsher with each night. It got to the point where Marlene started bugging them all about the Christmas video—for the fans, she kept insisting. Come on guys, it’ll be fun!

Evgeni seemed to be the only one who was truly game for it.

Remus wasn’t unhappy, but the media was growing more and more aggravated with him, the fans’ patience was running thin like ice, and now Arthur had started sending him glancing looks until, finally, he pulled Remus into his office as the boys were packing up.

The ball rolled around Remus’ ribs, fighting for space with his heart, and he sat in the leather chair across from Arthur’s desk.

Arthur took off his glasses, which was a bad sign. He didn’t say anything for a long time and Remus didn’t have the courage to make him.

“I know,” Remus finally said, and then his throat choked up. “I’m…”

“I don’t want any apologies,” Arthur said. “And, God, Lupin, I didn’t bring you in here to yell at your so get that look off your face.”

Remus blinked through the scarce relief and looked down at his hands.

“Media’s being real tough, I know,” Arthur sighed. “I know. I just want to make sure you’re all right.”

“I’m fine,” Remus said. “I’m just…it’s not connecting, I…I don’t know. Maybe I could put in more time one-on-one with one of the coaches. Or ground work with the trainers. I know we’re about to go on the road. Maybe tomorrow morning before practice.”

Arthur hesitated, then nodded. “If you’d like. But overworking yourself isn’t gonna help if that’s not the issue. Frankly, I don’t think skill is the issue. You’re a beautiful skater out there. You’re wicked fast and can misdirect hits like I’ve never seen. But…”

“No net,” Remus mumbled.

Arthur looked regretful. “No net.”

Remus nodded. “I’m working on it. I’m doing everything I can.”

“I don’t doubt that, Remus. Really. Don’t think I do. I’ll be seeing you at the Dumais Thanksgiving, yeah?” Arthur asked.

Remus nodded, spared a smile. “Of course.”

Arthur smiled back and rose. He clapped Remus on the back as he opened the door to his office again. “Good. Try and relax over the break, okay? I know it’s short, but sometimes its less work that pays off. It doesn’t always have to be more.” He looked up. “Ah, another young rascal I’ve had to say that to.”

Remus looked up to see Sirius’ smile, his dark hair curling against his neck, but otherwise tucked under a thick black winter hat. Every muscle in Remus’ body eased at the sight of him. He wanted to wrap himself up in Sirius, tuck himself inside of his winter coat and never leave.

“Cap,” Arthur gave him a nod. “See you for Turkey. Who you’ve got for the big game?”

Sirius just shrugged. “American football. Who cares?”

Arthur made a wounded noise—and another one came from Leo and Thomas down the hall as they were bundling up for the cold. Evgeni was holding Thomas’ crutches for him as Jackson helped him into his coat. Remus cracked up and took the warm palm Sirius held out. They walked down the hallway that smelled familiar and warm, under toned by the scent of carpet and cleaner that, had it been any stronger, would have been unpleasant, but it just added to the familiarity.

The garage door rattled shut behind them as Sirius unlocked their back door, letting them into their warm kitchen. Remus shook out of his coat, hanging it in the closet and rubbing his hands together. With his coat and bag, he tried to drop everything else at the door. This was his and Sirius’ space. This wasn’t a rink, or a locker room, or the press room. Theirs. The word was warmer than the heat Sirius had set to come on a half hour before they got home.

“I’m starving,” he said. “What do you feel like? I maybe want pasta.”

“I feel like you,” came the reply from behind him.

Remus’ smile was slow and he turned to see a glint in Sirius’ eye. “What is it, the cold weather? You’ve been all riled up after games lately.”

Sirius just grinned, hands squeezing Remus’ hips. “I love watching you out there.” He pressed a kiss to Remus’ cheek, his neck and his nose, between each phrase. “I love your face, I love your feet, I love your shoulders, and the way you bite the finger of your glove while you watch the game between shifts.” The kisses got considerably more heavy, lingering and accompanied by the the brush of a tongue and teeth. “I love the way you cradle a puck and the way you tape your stick. The way your hair sticks to your neck.”

Remus just smiled, eyes closed. “I’ve been playing like shit.”

“Nu-uh,” Sirius said, and Remus whined a little at the next nip, letting Sirius rock him back against the kitchen counter. “Slumps are normal. You play amazing. Just no points. Shit and slumps,” Sirius said, and Remus’ mouth went dry as he was lowering himself to his knees. “Shit and slumps are different.”

Remus let out a laugh. “Aren’t those the words to turn a guy on.”

Sirius just grinned and bit at his pants zipper. “I love you.”

“Better choice.”

Sirius carefully pulled Remus’ zipper down. “Can I? Here?”

Remus only reply was tugging Sirius’ hat free to get at his hair, the thick strands weaving between his fingers. He could already feel himself getting interested, pressing against the slip of his boxers by Sirius’ proximity alone.

“Sirius Black,” Remus sighed as Sirius nuzzled against him. He stroked over his hair, overwhelmed with how much every part of Sirius meant to him. “I love you.”

Sirius took one of the hands Remus had in his hair by and kissed the inside of his wrist.

Remus let Sirius’ mouth fuzz his mind out, moaning softly at his hollowed out cheeks, laughing at the gentle nips to his hips and thighs. After, Sirius kissed him against the counter until both of their stomachs growled. Remus pressed his mouth against Sirius’ flushed hot cheek.

“I feel like a million bucks, thanks, baby.”

Sirius just smiled, tucking himself away.

It was true. Remus felt home. Settled. Almost as if he could forget the conversation today. Maybe even like he wanted to go down the the basement rink, just for fun, which he hadn’t felt like in a while.

“D’accord,” Remus sing-songed. “We have pasta or chicken or both.”

Sirius grinned. “Both.”

They were mostly quiet as they cooked, bumping hips, iPhone playing softly through their speakers. Remus watched the way Sirius kept his fingers carefully curled away from the knife, like Remus’ mom had taught him that summer. His tongue peaked out of the corner of his mouth, the same way it did when he was carrying a puck up the ice.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Sirius asked softly as Remus minced garlic.

Remus glanced over at him, then kept his eyes on his fingers, so close to the sharp blade. “Um. Coach says it’s not my fault. He says I’m playing well. It’s just…pointless.”

“C’est pas—”

“No, not like pointless, like, pointless. Like I’m not getting net.”

“Ah.”

They smiled at each other, Remus’ a little shakier.

“Yeah.”

I feel like I’m letting you down.

“I feel…” Remus began, and the words caught. “Um. I mean, it’ll get better. It has to.”

Sirius’ expression flickered, but he nodded. “Mhm.”

“Do you feel like a white sauce?” Remus asked, turning to the refrigerator. “Go well with the chicken.”

“Sure,” Sirius nodded. “Sounds perfect, mon loup.”

Remus took a long breath as he opened the refrigerator doors, maybe taking longer than necessary to find the half & half. He was angry at himself. He didn’t know why the words were sticking to the back of his throat. He didn’t want pity, he supposed. He didn’t want Sirius to feel like he had to comfort him. Remus closed his eyes.

He’d do better.

Leo and Finn had their shoulders pressed together, each with their own book in their hands, when Logan opened the apartment door.

“Got the cream,” Logan raised the shopping back, and Leo all but leapt from the cushions.

“Yeah you do,” Finn said without looking up.

“Thank you,” Leo slid on his socks in his rush to get to Logan. He pressed his palms to Logan’s cold cheeks, kissing him in a quick burst. “Thank you, thank you, I love you.”

Logan smiled as Leo scurried back into the kitchen to finish making his part of the the American Thanksgiving dinner Pascal was hosting.

“I can’t believe I ran out,” Leo said, stirring something on the stove.

“It’s fine, Le,” Logan said, shrugging out of his jacket and following him in. “Happy to get you whatever you need.”

Leo turned, a touched pout on his face, and Logan beat him to it this time with a slower kiss of his own. Leo tasted like the caramel he had had them all taste test earlier and Logan licked into his mouth eagerly.

“I love you, too,” Logan mumbled.

Leo’s expression softened in the way it always did when one of them said that. Maybe Logan wasn’t the only one who couldn’t believe his luck.

“Want to peel sweet potatoes?” Leo asked with a hopeful grin, and Logan laughed.

“Sure, soleil.”

Finn gasped from the couch, eyes on his book, glasses on his nose. “They kissed. I fucking knew they would.”

Leo gasped, too. “No. Harzy, spoilers, you’re faster than me.”

Logan looked between them. “Are you guys reading the same book again, like, next to each other?”

“Sorry,” Finn said, but he was gripping the book like another secret might spill out. “And yes.”

Leo pressed a peeler into his hands with another kiss, this one fast and skittering across his cheekbone.

“I love both of you,” Logan sighed as he picked up the first potato. “You’re weird.”

Finn closed his book without marking his place and heaved himself up with a groan, cracking his back. He came to sit at the bar counter across from where Logan was peeling.

“Thanks for the help, Harz,” Logan said.

“I don’t like it when my hands smell like potato.”

Leo laughed. “Sweetheart, how’d you ever survive on your own?”

“Take out,” Finn and Logan answered at the same time.

“And catering,” Finn added. “I think the NHL is used to boys who can’t cook. Marlene just slid the caterer’s card into my hand without a word.”

Leo just shook his head. “She tried the same thing on me. Honey, please.”

Logan and Finn shared a smile, both turning to gaze at Leo’s back.

“How much time do we have?” Leo asked.

“Like, two hours, babe, you’re good,” Finn said.

“Do I have time to ravish you in your glasses?” Logan asked.

Finn raised a teasing eyebrow. “Oh, these old things? You want to wear them?”

Logan dropped his peeler and walked around the counter. He spun Finn to face him on the stool and Finn’s feet hooked around his calves, holding him there. “Non.”

Finn smiled, leaning forward to nip at Logan’s bottom lip and pull.

“Tremblay, potatoes.”

Logan groaned and Finn gave his butt a firm slap as he pulled away. “Sorry, sorry, sorry.”

“Uh, hey dad,” Cole cleared his throat. “It’s me. I just um. I’m in Pascal Dumais’ house. Can you believe that? Uh, I just wanted to say…you know, happy Thanksgiving, and all that. Maybe you can come out to a game soon? Yeah…let me know, I can get you tickets. Okay. Okay, see you. Merry—or happy Thanksgiving. Yeah, okay. Bye.”

Cole sighed as he put his phone down and looked around the Dumais’ sitting room. It was tidy, with food laid out every table, ready for guests. Cole, after that phone call, already felt tired.

There was a knock on the doorframe and he turned to see Layla, smiling at him hesitantly. She held out a glass of a deep colored wine. “I thought maybe you’d want some.”

“Oh, I can’t, uh…” Cole began.

Layla snorted. “Me neither, but…” she glanced around the tall-ceilinged living room. “Who’s gonna tell? Dumo? Please.”

Cole laughed a little and took the thin stem from her fingers. “Thank you.”

Layla nodded, bending for a cheese and cracker. “That sounded a little tough. If you don’t mind me saying.”

Cole pocketed his phone. “It’s not really. Well…maybe now it is. But I don’t think of him that way, of this that way. He’s a good father.”

He sounded defensive even to himself and sighed. “When he decides to be.”

“He hard on you?” Layla asked. She took a seat on the couch and Cole glanced around before settling on the ottoman of one of the fat leather chairs. “About all this?”

“Hockey?” Cole said, then laughed. “No. No way, he doesn’t give a shit about ice hockey. My mom got me into hockey. My dad still hopes I’ll be, like, I don’t know…I don’t know what.”

Layla frowned. “It’s not like you could’ve been a money-bags doctor and chose to paint watercolors instead?”

Cole cracked a smile. “Yeah…Yeah, he sort of skipped around a lot before I actually started getting good.”

“Oh,” Layla said softly.

The doorbell rang. And then rang again and again, like someone was jamming their finger into it repeatedly.

“Tremzy!” he heard Katie shriek a moment later.

Warm voices filled the hall.

Cole rose and, after a moment, offered Layla a hand. She smiled, letting him pull her up. “It’s not as sob-story as it sounds.”

“I get it,” Layla nodded. “My older sister skipped altogether when I was little. Still don’t know why. I know it’s not the same but…”

“I’m sorry,” Cole said.

Layla just smiled, one of her bright ones, and wrapped her hand—gold rings and all—around his arm. “Come on. Shit’s about to get wild.”

“And delicious,” Cole said, turning towards the smells coming from the kitchen.

Layla laughed, and Cole wanted to hear that sound twenty more times.

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whataboutmyfries · 3 years

Text

Of stars and seduction

wherein I present to you one Leo Knut being a BAMF and being way more hot than can possibly be legal (this isn’t beta-ed so all mistakes are mine! sorry bout that)

warning: it get a lil bit spicy towards the end! please proceed with caution!

Characters by the absolute GOD @lumosinlove

Leo wouldn’t say he’d planned it, but he wouldn’t say it was simple coincidence either. He'd spotted the tights on an idle walk through a city and had bought them on an impulse. He vaguely remembered seeing a photo of some actor or the other wearing them under ripped jeans and had idly decided to try it out for himself.

To say he loved it was an understatement.

He turned in the mirror, running a hand through his hair as a smirk spread across his face. Oh, his boys were going to love this.

He’d chosen to wear his favourite black jeans with the rips in them and the blue button-down that matched his eyes. The constellations on his thigh peeked through the fabric, trapped behind the crisscrossing lines of nylon. It was subtle enough that they wouldn't notice right away; but bold enough that they’d know something was different.

It was perfect.

Leo took one last look at himself in the mirror before grabbing his keys and phone on his way to the car. He shot Finn a quick text asking about their whereabouts, dropping his phone on the passenger seat

...

He met them at the restaurant, wrapping an arm around Finn’s waist and pressing a kiss to logan’s head discreetly. Finn grinned, tangling their feet together under the table.

“God, we missed you, Lovernut,” Finn sighed, propping his head up on a fist. Logan nodded enthusiastically, slurping his milkshake. Leo grinned at his boys, shaking his head fondly in Logan’s general direction before flagging down the server.

Leo rattled off their orders by memory, sneaking surreptitious glances at Finn and Logan’s animated conversation. Fifteen minutes in, no sign of them noticing. Leo smirked, simply pushing his knee out from under the table.

Soon enough, they had their food and Leo tucked in hungrily. He hadn’t realised just how much he’d needed food until the smell of hot pizza had set his stomach grumbling. He smiled his thanks to Nate, who winked and looked pointedly down at his exposed knee.

Leo grinned conspiratorially and returned to his pizza, laughing at something Logan had said.

Finn loved their little dates, just the three of them out at Sid’s, having a good time. Finn looked at his boys adoringly, smiling like a loon. He frowned at a spot of grease just under Leo’s lip, leaning over the table to wipe it away. Leo startled but kissed Finn’s fingers as he pulled away, giving him a bite of his slice. Finn smiled, leaning back against the booth when something scratchy brushed against his thigh.

He leaned back, ducking his head to look under the table. He took one look at their tangled legs and choked. Hard.

Leo was wearing fishnets. Right now. Out here. Like it was nothing.

“Fish! You okay?” Logan asked, thumping him on the back. Leo just grinned like that cat who got the canary, leaning back and sipping his drink.

“Yeah, Harzy, seen something interesting down there?”

Finn glared at him through the tears, his eyes dilating. “You. Me. Him. Home. Now.”

Leo raised an eyebrow. “Well, your wish is my command Mon Rouge.”

…

Finn swore the 15-minute drive home was the longest of his life. Watching Leo sprawled all over the back seat, licking sinfully at his ice cream cone while meeting Finn’s stare in the rearview, was the most glorious form of torture.

Logan was swearing a blue streak in the passenger side, running his hands through his hair as he looked at his boyfriend. The man looked like sex on legs, what was a guy to do?

He could hardly park the car fast enough, shoving Leo against the side of it as soon as he got out. Logan groaned, leaning down to press hard, biting kisses to Leo’s neck.

Leo gasped, twining his hands through their hair, tugging gently, moaning at the soft groans he got in response.

“Yes, yes, oh my god Lo— No, not here. Not here.” Leo gasped, his eyes snapping open to the soft light of their garage. “Upstairs. Upstairs. Now.”

Logan growled, tugging Leo forward to catch his lips in a bruising kiss. Finn groaned at the sight, fumbling for his keys. “C’mon, we gotta get upstairs.”

Finn barely got the door open, all but slamming Leo against the wood when they were finally inside. Leo’s eyes slipped shut, his hands grabbing at Logan’s hair to tug him into a kiss. Finn slipped his hands under Leo’s shirt, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses down his neck.

Logan fell to his knees, nipping gently at Leo’s tattoo through the fishnets. “god that tattoo has been driving me mad since you got it” Finn nodded his agreement. Kissing Leo feverishly while his hands trailed down to his belt. ‘Off, off, take ‘em off. I want to see.”

Leo pulled back, raising an eyebrow. “Eager are we?”

Finn grinned right back. “With you? Always”

Leo bit back a groan, stumbling into their bedroom as he shoved his pants off. Logan's breath left him completely. Leo was just standing there, hair all mussed from their hands, and those legs that never seemed to stop. And that collection of stars on his thigh.

Leo leaned against the doorway, his bulge already showing through his underwear. “Well? Are you coming?”

“I think I might have already” Logan joked, tucking his fingers into the netting of the stockings, leaning up on his toes to kiss him. Leo smiled, bending to pick Logan up. Finn couldn’t help but smile at them, kissing in their bedroom, in their house.

“I love my life.”

Finn led them both into the bedroom, pushing Leo onto the bed. “Let us love you baby, let us love you.”

Leo groaned at that, grabbing Finn’s hand to pull him down on top of him, kissing him deep and slow. “I love you, Fishy”

Finn sighed happily, kissing his way down Leo’s torso, stopping when he got to the tattoo on his thigh. He looked at Logan, reaching a hand out for him. Logan complied easily, kissing Finn over Leo’s thigh, his fingers rubbing soft circles at the dip of Leo’s hipbone. Finn turned his attention back to the tattoo, the bruises there making it look like a little galaxy of its own.

“Mon amour, you are the universe.” Logan breathed, sucking another bruise onto the stars inked on his beloved. Finn smiled lopsidedly at the sight, moving to kiss Leo, twining their fingers together on the sheets. He leaned their foreheads together, ducking a little to see the tattoo again.

“I'd pull every last star from the sky to make you happy nut, but I suppose our little galaxy will have to do for now”

Leo groaned, tugging Logan’s hand to get him closer to him. To them. “How are you two so perfect? What could I have possibly done to deserve you? Is this karma from that one shutout? Because then I have got to do that more often.”

Finn and Logan burst out laughing, collapsing over each other.

“God I love you.”

#it's a lil spicy so beware #oknutzy #finn o'hara #logan tremblay #Leo knut #Coast To Coast #Sweater Weather #lumosinlove #lumosinlove ocs #leo x logan x finn

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hecksee · 3 years

Text

Stained Flowers

Hi this is angsty af but im struggling right now so imma project onto fictional characters

Sorry @lumosinlove I like making Leo suffer

this is my entry for the @hpbrokenhearts contest, i started out writing this when i was struggling, and tbh i still am, but it’s gotten a lot better.

Much thanks to the wonderful @iswearimnotanaestheticgirl for editing this monstrosity. You wrecked carnage on it, but it helped so much and I love this end result so much.

Thank you so much to @peggyrose19 and @marauderss-hp for looking this over and giving me suggestions!

This is probably inaccurate but I don’t know anything about hockey, and this is fanfic so who cares about the accuracy.

THIS COULD DEFINITELY BE TRIGGERING, PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

TW suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, its got a TINY bit of spice sprinkled in (i would rate this teen probably, mature if i was being extra safe), major character death, stress, homophobia, one sided pining, hanakhai, vomiting, something thats sort of like a suicide note, and a shit load of angst

Read on A03 here

Leo knew he was screwed the moment he saw Finn O'Hara on the screen for the first time. He knew he was gonna fall hard. It didn't matter that they had never met or that Leo’s attraction was purely physical. He knew that he would want everything with Finn.

But then Leo started to fall deeper and deeper over time, time that was spent mostly spent obsessing over Finn. Only a few weeks after Leo saw Finn for the first time, it started.

Everybody knew about hanahaki. When someone felt unrequited love, a seed sprouted in their lungs. Nobody knew how or why the seed appeared but it was inevitable.

The victim would start coughing up flower petals, and if their feelings grew, the flowers would grow larger until the victim couldn’t breath because their lungs were filled with nothing but blossoms.

There were only three things someone with hanahaki could do. The main solution was to surgically remove the flowers but have all feelings of love vanish. And some said it was impossible to ever love another person.

So Leo knew exactly what was going on when he started coughing up small yellow petals a few weeks after he first saw Finn on screen.

But, over the next few months he learned to recognize the signs. The tingling in the back of his throat before he started coughing up the silky yellow petals. The itch in his left lung when people mentioned Finn O'Hara. The stabbing pain toward the left of his chest when his teammates threw around homophobic slurs and comments like beads at Marti Gras is nothing new, but now it's accompanied with a burning sensation in his lungs and bloody daffodils.

The daffodils. The fucking daffodils. He decided to look the meaning of the cheery flowers up one day. Unrequited love. After that Leo laughed humorlessly, and decided that hanahaki had a fucked up sense of humor.

Somehow, Leo made it through a full year while coughing up a mixture of blood and petals. He learned how to hide it, how to excuse himself from a situation, and how to choke the petals back down while playing. He made sure that nothing would impact his career, no matter how much longer he had left.

Leo feared that his time was almost up some days. On those days, he wondered Why was he alive? Why did only the left lung sting? Wouldn't it just be better to end it than to live through the constant pain?

He almost made it through a year keeping his hanahaki a secret.

Well, almost. His mom walked in on him cleaning the daffodils smeared with red off the floor, and he had promptly broken down in tears.

He had ended up telling her everything, how he was gay, how he hated himself for it, how he sometimes thought it would be better to just end it all instead, who he loved and why.

His mom had made him tell his coach, insisting it was for the best. There had been a major fight between the coach and him. Leo was yelling and crying but standing his ground about how he needed to play. How playing was the only thing he was living for, damn it. Leo had ended up winning, so he kept playing. And just like before, he kept the hanahaki a secret from everyone, especially his team.

But then, he found out why only his left lung stung. Logan Tremblay. The latest player that was drafted to the Lions. He was newly minted, fresh from Harvard university. Short, broad, brunet, green eyed rookie Tremz.

As soon as Logan stepped out onto the ice for the first time Leo felt that telltale sting. But it was on the right side of his chest for the first time. Fuck, I'm not having unrequited love from one person, but from two?!

His right lung had irises. Royalty, the Fleur-De-Lis, France. Leo didn’t know how those things related to Logan but he could take a guess. Logan was French Canadian born and raised, that had to mean something.

Leo’s life went on. Now he had double the work of fighting the flowers down. Two names instead of one. Leo could tell there was something between Fish and Logan. The intense stares they gave each other across the rink meant something. The tension between them one day had just disappeared. Leo saw something as Logan's hot temper reared up whenever Harzy got into a fight or got hurt.

The signs grew. Rainbow tape on their sticks, posting LGBTQ+ supporting messages on the team Instagram; small things you’d need to look out for, or know exactly what they meant to know the significance.

The real confirmation was when the official Lions Instagram posted the picture of Logan and Finn kissing at a pride parade, smudged bi flags painted on both of their cheeks.

The caption read “We are aware of the homophobia in the league, however, two of our players aren’t willing to hide their relationship from the public anymore. Both Tremz and Harzy have our full support.”

The moment he saw it, the feeling of petals started to itch in the back of Leo’s throat, but he gagged them back as he scrolled through the comments. They were filled with the expected bigotry and homophobia with the occasional biphobic comment. Yet scattered in were the kind comments, full of support, rays of sunshine on a raining day.

Leo started typing out a comment of his own, telling the happy couple how happy he was for them. But the lie was rancid in his head. The flowers Leo had been choking back came up in a wave of blood.

Before Leo got hanahaki, the few dreams he had were filled with a faceless man. One that would kiss him and fuck him, but now, now there were two men. And they had faces.

Finn O'Hara and Logan Tremblay haunted Leo's dreams in the best way possible, more nights than not. Sweet soft kisses, hands tangled in auburn or brown hair, gently worshiping the hard planes and angles that came from a lifelong dedication to hockey were commonplace in Leo's dreams.

In stark contrast, some nights were filled with sloppy, urgent kisses, nails scratching on backs, and a pure need for release. But the dreams would always end, and Leo was left with the burning pain of self loathing building up in his throat before the flowers would make themselves known.

During this dream, Leo had been on fire all night, and it was thanks to him that the team had been led to victory. So here he was with his boyfriends, celebrating.

Leo leaned up to give Finn a soft kiss before turning onto his side and beginning to kiss Logan's neck. Finn had started to ruin Leo and didn't stop until Leo had hit the peak of his pleasure.

However, the aftermath of Leo's pleasure was slowly but surely turning into pain. Suddenly the metallic tang of blood was clogging his throat and the familiar smooth petals were filling his mouth.

The flowers and blood were dripping out of his mouth, and seeping into the white bed sheets. Even worse was that Finn and Logan seemed unsurprised. no, they were almost happy. Their gentle murmurings of praise turned into cold raucous laughter. In between the harsh laughter they told him how stupid he was, how he was a nobody, how they would never love him.

As the flowers only got worse, coming up in waves and mingled with the tears that were rolling down his face, Finn and Logan vanished. Then he was falling, falling, falling.

He woke with a start, his heart pounding in his chest, lungs gasping for air in between choking sobs; lying in a combination of petals and blood. His face was sticky with tears and warm, wet blood, and a few stray yellow and white-ish purple petals stuck to his skin. The only indicator that Leo's dream wasn't all bad was the stickiness in his underwear. But the worst part was that he was alone, stuck with only fantasies, once again.

The next day, Leo knew that practice would be bad. Even though yesterday his team was idolizing the Lions, they sure as hell wouldn’t be idolizing them right now. Practice was full of his teammates throwing around a myriad of slurs. The locker-room was even worse, where the coach wasn’t there to monitor their comments.

Leo fidgeted with his bracelet, uncomfortable with the comments that were flying around, with the flowers edging up his throat. He didn’t remember what happened next.

One minute Leo’s fidgeting with his bracelet, the next he’s yelling. Yelling about how people aren’t judged by their sexuality, how hell, maybe there even was a gay person in the room! To that he was obviously asked if he was the gay one, to which, he responded yes. Leo stormed out of the room to a soundtrack, suppressing the flowers fighting their way up his throat as soundtrack of cruel laughter and biting words rang around the room, just like the ones in his dream.

The next day he dreaded going to practice. He knows he won’t be welcome on the team anymore, so what’s the point of going?

Leo ended up just texting his old coach that he was resigning. His team broadcasted the fact that he’s gay on their Instagram. Now Leo’s the target of the myriad of hate that Finn and Leo faced. It made him sick to his stomach. Seconds later, he was puking into the toilet. No flowers this time, but still unpleasant.

He still walked with dragging steps to the rink and practiced, of course. He didn’t want to lose his skills when he attempts to go pro. Trying to ignore the fact that he knows no one will take him now.

Out of the blue, three days after Leo outed himself, his phone rings shrilly. Marlene McKinnon. The Lions announcer. Why was she calling him?

Marlene asked him to play for the Lions because he had great potential. Leo hesitated. Did she not know that he was gay? He pensively inquired about his sexuality, how would that impact his place on the team?

To his surprise, Marlene told him it wouldn’t influence anything. Leo was shocked, but in the happy way. Then she asked if he had any health conditions. Just like the thing about his sexuality, Leo hesitated. Eventually he nodded and said yes.

It’s hanahaki, he told her in a slow voice, but it doesn’t impact my playing.

Fucking lie.

Marlene was silent for a moment but then put him on hold with some shaky words. 5 minutes later, she agrees to let him play, on the condition that his hanahaki doesn’t get worse, and if it does, he needs to have them removed. Leo agreed, and suddenly, Leo was going professional.

Sure, Leo was worried about becoming a Lion; his subjects of affection were there and they were in a happy relationship. But over time, and many, many practices filled with words thrown at O’Hara and Tremblay, he had learned to choke back the petals.

After a few months, the day came where Leo was leaving. With many tears, and a lot of goodbyes, Leo left for Gryffindor. After a couple long flights, and a short taxi ride, Leo stepped out of the car to Hogwarts.

Inside the rink, he was greeted with the signature smell of a hockey arena, he couldn’t quite describe it, but it was pleasant, and reminded Leo of home.

In a blink, he was bombarded with maroon and gold, hugs and welcoming words. When he turned his head from the excitement, he saw them. Finn and Logan, standing back with Pascal Dumais, who he was going to move in with.

After meeting everyone and flipping out while Finn and Logan give him a hug while swallowing down the familiar liquid and petals that up, Leo was informed that he won’t be living with the Dumais’ after all.

“You’ll be living with Finn and Logan, I hope that’s alright?”

Leo quickly excuses himself to the bathroom to let the mixture of flowers, blood, and bile out.

But Leo ended up moving in with Fish and Tremz. However over the weeks, he formed a close bond with both Finn and Logan. Of course, he became closer with the rest of the team, Loops especially. Hell, Leo has a feeling that Loops knows what it feels like to love someone who will never love him back.

But after Sirius and Loops get together, Leo knew that he’s the only one who will never get the privilege of having requited love.

Leo was glad that he had managed to keep it a secret from the team. Well, there were some people he had to tell. After all, Remus was the team medic. Remus was keeping it a secret from the team and the public. But Remus didn’t know who was triggering Leo’s love. The only people who knew were Leo and his mother.

Each practice where the two of them do anything lovey dovey, Leo needs to be excused while he chokes back the flowers that are bringing themselves up his throat. But his goalie face hadn't been developed over happy things, so he shoved his feelings back and forced himself to remain calm, pretending to support their relationship; which he did, of course he did, but Leo wished more than anything that he was there with them. Leo wishes he was there in between them, wishes he was the one holding hands with them, and sharing sweet soft kisses with them.

Hell, more than once in the time when Leo was with the Lions he considered ending it all. The thoughts weren’t new, no, he’d been struggling with them since he had realized he was gay. But now, with the objects of Leo’s affection so close yet so far, he didn’t know if it would be worth living.

But then one day, about three years after the hanahaki had started, Leo woke up with agonizing pain in his chest, like someone was squeezing a palm around his heart. He thought back. The aching had worsened every time he interacted Finn and Logan. Now the flowers were coming up almost every hour of every day. The tingling feeling is now always at the back of his mind. As soon as Leo thought about Finn and Logan he felt flowers coming up.

The flowers are accompanied with a burning pain instead of a small stab. All of the flowers are full blossoms, a few with stems and leaves. They’d be perfect and prim, beautiful, if they weren’t coated in enough blood to look like a murder scene.

This was it; this was one of his last days, if not his last.

With slow robotic steps, Leo stands up, taking some deep breaths. He fished a pen and a notebook from his cabinet, and started to write four letters.

The words to his family tell them how sorry he was at how bad he was at hiding his worsening hanahaki, how much he loves them, and how he wishes he could have said goodbye in person.

“I’m sorry for causing you pain.”

In the letter towards the team he apologized for hiding his disease and explained how thankful he was to be a part of his dream team. He told them how different the Lions were to his old teams, how they were a family and how they loved each other no matter what, regardless of their differences.

“Thank you for being like a family to me.”

In the one addressed to Logan and Finn, Leo explained how they were the subjects of his attraction, how much they influenced his life coming out by choice, consequences be damned. Through blood, sweat, tears and flowers, he found himself rattling on and on about how much he loved them, how he fell in love with them, and how much he valued the friendship they had; even if it was just friendship. Leo’s hand lingered as he thought about it. Would this letter cause the two of them to blame themselves? Should he really write it?

No. He had to. Leo added a note telling them not to. It wasn’t their fault, it was his choice.

He brushed away the crimson mess. With droplets of blood staining his fingers, Leo starts on the final and most formal letter.

Leo wrote vaguely in this letter. He told that he did have hanahaki, and how he had dealt with it for years before he joined the Lions. He publicly commends the Lions for being so accepting of him, even though he had hanahaki and he was gay. Finally, he thanked his fans for staying with him through it all.

Then, with all the letters finished, Leo sealed them in envelopes and wrote to whom they are addressed to. Gingerly, Leo placed them on his nightstand and prepared for his final practice.

During practice Leo told everyone how much he appreciates them, which wasn’t too unusual, so nobody took much notice. Otherwise, practice was uneventful. Leo blocked some passes as they prepped for their game with Hufflepuff next week.

Leo was coughing almost nonstop during practice but he chokes back the blood, bile, and flowers. He allowed himself to think that this is the last time he’d have to push it down. The aching pain in his chest doesn’t subside, if anything it only grew worse the longer practice goes on.

Leo walked into the locker-room, preparing to take a shower and stretch before heading home when the aching in his chest grew. He could hear the blood pumping in his ears and the world around him blurred. He swayed, unsteady on his feet, trying not to cry or scream. His breaths were labored, he was becoming lightheaded and his heart was pounding in his chest. The pain became too much to bear and Leo’s legs failed on him.

The team rushes over with concerned expressions on their faces. On his knees, the flowers, stems, and leaves start to come up, splattering all over the cold ground, no matter what Leo does to try and keep them back. The team became frenzied, calling for Remus.

It was too late. Leo knew that this was his end.

Once, when Leo was little, he asked his grandmother why people didn't just get the flowers removed. She smiled at him sadly and told him that, there might be a person you loved so much you couldn't bear the idea of not loving them. Even if you died for it.

At the time, he brushed it off as stupid but now, now as tears sqeezed through his blurry vision and the feeling of the cold tile floor disappears, he understands exactly what she meant.

The last thought that went through his mind, before the petals, flowers, and blood came up for the last time, was of his two loves. In an instant, all of his fantasies of Finn and Logan melted into the reality of their friendship and flew past his eyes. With one last satisfied smile, Leo closed his eyes. His grandma was right.

Some love really was worth dying for.

Just a quick reminder, this is my entry for @hpbrokenhearts so if you liked this fic or it made you cry/broke your heart, please put a broken heart in the comments, either in emoji form or not! Thank you so much for reading!!!

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