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#those two sentences live in my mind rent free
justmediocrewriting · 2 months
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I just KNOWWW in my heart and punani that OPLA Sanji calls his girl "Duchess" when they get nasty and this has been living rent free in my mind for a HOT ASF MINUTE. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
-💅🏾
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✍️: sis can I just say that I am SO HERE for your TED talk? I strongly feel as though OPLA Sanji is one of the rare men out there that can be romantic and downright dirty and degrading at the EXACT SAME TIME. Literally in the same sentence. For example:
★ He talks in such a sweet voice, like, this mans could say the filthiest and most degrading shit and it would sound like he’s praying to you.
- “is it too much? Do you need a break, duchess?”
- “you can take so much more, doll; I know you can.”
- “gods, duchess, you’re trembling. Do I affect you that much?”
- “you’re being so good for me, love. I think you deserve a treat.”
- “you’ve made me so hard, duchess. I think you should take responsibility.”
- “stay right there and don’t move; I want to worship every inch of your beautiful body.”
★ it’s not just his words either. He displays a mixture of dominance and worship in every move he makes
- holding you by the hips, hands nearly feather light on your skin yet halting every movement
- definitely a fan of stroking/holding your cheeks/jaw, forcing you to keep your eyes locked on him as he picks you apart
- don’t even think about closing your eyes. He’ll find a way to open them
- loves every inch of you and makes sure you know it
- absolutely loves to hold you in his lap. Will wrap his arms around your waist to hold you there until he’s satisfied, and though hes normally very composed and calm, there are times he gets impatient and will start humping you right there through his clothes
- isn’t a fan of getting extremely frisky in front of others; but you won’t be safe from hidden teases, such as a small squeeze to your thigh under the table or an “accidental” graze of his groin against your ass
- also makes a habit of riling you up through whispers
“you look ravishing today, duchess.”
“I can’t wait to get you out of those clothes.”
“I wonder how I should worship you tonight…”
★ a fucking sex god. Let’s be honest y’all opla Sanji gives off that vibe. He definitely knows his way around a woman’s body, but he also knows that every woman is different and that their optimal pleasure points vary — this makes him the most mind-blowing lover on the face of the planet
- he is immediately eliciting and gauging reactions even before the two of you get intimate
- it’s so subtle that no one really catches on
- refers to you by various endearments to see which ones bring the biggest blush to your face — he’ll then use that information to his advantage in the bedroom, using them so much that you’ll literally feel like melting
- his main goal in the bedroom is to send you straight to euphoria in the shortest time possible
- his hands are dexterous and experienced, locating spots within you that even you didn’t know existed, and finds your erogenous zones with little to no difficulty then abuses them mercilessly
- this mans talks you through your orgasms
“that’s it, duchess. Keep squeezing me like that, it feels so good.”
“gods, you’re soaking us both. So beautiful.”
“I’m here duchess, just let go. Let me see you lose it.”
“are you about to cum, duchess? Don’t be shy, you can make a mess on me.”
“you sound so beautiful, doll. Just like an angel.”
★ his own pleasure comes second to him, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t go all out when it’s his turn. The way he fucks you can sometimes border on brutal, with fast, deep thrusts that bring stars to your vision; yet he somehow manages to nearly replace any and all pain with intense pressure. I imagine that he’s a fan of any position in which he can see your face
-cowgirl
- missionary
- mating press
- strong enough to stand up and hold you while he fucks you — with or without pressing you against a wall
- fucking loves eating pussy, and is damn good at it
- though he thoroughly enjoys watching your face while he pleases you, he will give that view up for a good 69
- it absolutely drives him crazy to hear and feel you gagging on his cock as he slurps, licks, and sucks your pussy
- ride his face. Just fucking do it
- will move your hips for you if he feels you aren’t riding fast enough
- will willingly give up his right to oxygen in favor of burying his face between your thighs
- mostly dominant, but he will occasionally display some submissive behaviors — mostly with words
“gods, please don’t stop, duchess. Keep riding me like that.”
“your pussy is so damn good, love. I can’t get enough.”
“that’s it baby, take what you need from me. Use me, duchess.”
★ agghhh damn you nonnie this is INFESTING my brain right now. Maybe I’ll write a one-shot of this instead just headcanons at some point. “Duchess” is definitely an endearment that Sanji would call his partner. I also have a few that I see him using, such as:
angel (😩🤤), babydoll, doll, darling, sweetheart, madam, precious, GODDESS (fuckk I caaaant)
I’m so thirsty for this man it’s unreal.
Also, I know I’ve been basically dead on here and I apologize profusely for that. My motivation has been crushed for a while and I’m trying to build it back up bit by bit. Thank you all for being patient with me ❤️ I love you all so much
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dwobbitfromtheshire · 4 months
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Dear Diary. . .
18+ for some smut. . .
Steve thought a lot about people's sexuality since Robin came out to him on the floor of the bathroom at Starcourt. Well, he thought about it a lot more. Before, it was only a casual thought. How could two members of the same sex do that? Not in like a hateful way but more in a curious way. How could two men have sex? He usually spent time on it, thinking about it. . .too much time thinking about it, really. That should have been his first clue, but at the time, he shook those thoughts away by telling himself that he was just being overly judgemental like his dad. Now, he was thinking about it a lot more, and he couldn't quite figure it out until Eddie Munson walked into Family Video one afternoon.
"It's fucking freezing! I can't believe Keith made us come in. I swear that I'm going to do it this time," Robin said. "I'm gonna kill him."
"You keep saying it, but then it never happens," Steve chuckled.
"There's no one even here!" Robin complained.
It was the middle of December and pretty damn cold. No one would be crazy enough to escape the warmth of their homes just to get a movie. He was quickly proven wrong, though, when the door opened and Eddie Munson walked in.
"Jesus H Christ! It's freezing in here. Do you guys have the air conditioner on in the middle of winter?" Eddie asked.
"It's broken. We couldn't fix it, and we couldn't get anyone to come out," Steve said.
"And you guys didn't just say 'fuck it' and go home?" Eddie asked.
"We can't really afford to do that," Steve said.
"Really? King Steve can't afford to take one day off? The man with his own castle or so I've heard," Eddie said, and Robin scoffed at him, scowling.
"You mean, my parents' house? Yeah, no. It's their house and like they've told me since I was six: It's their house and they just allow me to live there. They made me start paying them rent the minute I didn't get into any college, and they threatened to kick me out without all my stuff if I didn't pay up on time, so no I can't really afford to say fuck it," Steve said. "And the thing about being called King Steve are the assumptions that come with it. They assume that because I was born into money that everything that comes with it is mine. That I have it easy. You know, you can have all the money in the world but you can't pay your parents to love you. I mean, I don't know. Does it make you feel good when people call you freak?"
"Jesus. . . No," Eddie said, looking properly shamed. "Look, sorry, man. I can fix your problem for free."
"Which problem? People calling me King Steve or my parents not loving me?" Steve asked.
"Well, I can't fix those problems, but I can fix your heat," Eddie smirked. "Let me go get my tools."
He left the store, leaving Steve alone with Robin.
"He's lucky he apologized and offered to fix the heat, or otherwise I would have kicked his ass," Robin muttered, and then she paused. "Your parents are home, aren't they?"
"Yeah," Steve muttered.
"You know, my dad put bunk beds in my room like I'm a kid or something. Want to have a sleepover?" Robin asked.
"Only if I get the the top. A top for a top," Steve said with a smirk.
"Ugh. You'll get bottom and like it," Robin said. "You know, my parents love you. I think you should take up their offer and -"
She didn't get to finish her sentence because Eddie made his way into the store. He shook his toolbox at Steve.
"Lead the way, Harrington," Eddie grinned.
"I'll mind the store, although I think it's pointless. I don't think anyone else is crazy enough to come out in this weather," Robin said to Steve. "You mind him."
"Thanks," Eddie grinned cheerfully as he followed Steve into the back.
Wordlessly, Steve watched as he took off his jacket and got to work. The other man was wearing a tight red sweater. It was so tight that Steve could practically see his. . .wait, are those. . .are those nipple piercings? Steve swallowed. Why couldn't he look away? The movement of Eddie rolling up his sleeves tore his attention away from the man's nipples. There was a tattoo of a creature controlling a puppet on his forearm. He stared at it while he worked and wondered if there were any more tattoos on Eddie's body. Steve tilted his head to the side as he pictured taking off Eddie's sweater to look for more, his mind picturing Eddie's piercings. He could imagine them so clearly, and Steve could see his own hand reaching out to brush his thumb over the piercing. Suddenly, Eddie's underneath him, and Steve is reaching down to take it -
"All done!" Eddie's voice called out.
"What?!" Steve exclaimed.
He realized what he was feeling now. The familiar pull of arousal in his stomach is something that he immediately recognized. Mews being eaten by a demodog! Mews being eaten by a demodog! Yeah, that did it. Eddie was staring at him now with his big brown beautiful eyes, his plump lips looking ever so kissable. Shit.
"You okay, man?" Eddie asked. "Where did you go?"
"Oh, nothing, sometimes I just space out," Steve said, trying not to blush.
"Yeah. I do that, too. I fixed it!" Eddie exclaimed proudly. "Am I forgiven now?"
"Oh, yeah, definitely," Steve said. "Thanks."
Eddie shrugged on his jacket and shook his toolbox at him.
"I'm going to go put Bert up now," Eddie said. "And then look for a movie."
"Bert?" Steve asked.
"My toolbox. Problem?" He asked.
"No, it's cute," Steve laughed.
Eddie looked at him for a moment as if he was trying to figure him out.
"Hm. Dustin was right. You are an interesting dude," Eddie said.
They walked out of the back together, and Steve continued to watch him as he walked out.
"It's definitely warming up," Robin said. "Thank God!"
Eddie walked back in and started browsing the aisles, Steve’s eyes never leaving him. Robin unscrewed her bottle of water and started drinking.
"Yeah, I can definitely picture myself having sex with that guy," Steve said, and Robin started choking on her water. "Jesus, Robin. Are you okay?"
"Am I okay?! Are you okay? What the hell, Steve?!"
"What?"
Later that evening, after they got off of work, Steve and Robin immediately got settled up in her room. A random radio station was playing in the background. They were laying on the floor, their feet pressed against the wall, as they stared at the stars on Robin's ceiling.
"So, let me get this straight - something which we apparently both aren't - you kept trying to picture how it worked between two men, and apparently, that made you think that you were homophobic?" Robin asked.
"Pretty much," Steve said.
"Okay, you're going to have to start telling me all of your thoughts outloud so I can tell you if you're wrong or right," Robin said. "I'll do the same thing with you."
"Like we're diaries?" Steve asked.
"Exactly like we're diaries, Steven," Robin said. ". . . Diaries who give feedback."
"What if they're dirty thoughts?" Steve asked.
"I'm a fully grown lesbian. I can handle it," Robin said. "I want every single slutty detail."
"Okay," Steve said.
"For example: Dear Diary, my platonic soulmate realized he wasn't straight today. He also came out to me. I want him to know how proud I am of him and how much I love him," Robin said. "Even if he is attracted to boys."
"Dear Diary, I came out to my platonic soulmate today after finally accepting that I can be queer. . .that I could be bisexual like Bowie. I don't think I ever could have gotten to this point without learning from her. If she hadn't trusted me, then I wouldn't have been able to put so much trust and courage into accepting myself. I'm so proud of her, and I love her so goddamn much," Steve said. "Even if she is a pain in the ass."
"Aw, Steve," Robin said tearfully and took his hand, interlacing their fingers together. "You know what my favorite thing about our friendship is?"
"What?"
"We're both bitches," Robin said and they both burst into fits of giggles.
After that, Steve wished for more interactions with Eddie, but whenever he went to pick up Dustin from Hellfire, Eddie would scowl and look away whenever Steve tried to wiggle his fingers at him. Eventually, it just became awkward, so Steve stopped trying. He didn't even look at him anymore. Steve even tried approaching him in the grocery store just to ask what his problem was, but Eddie took off and ran out of the store without buying anything. Eventually, Steve realized that Eddie clearly still saw him as King Steve and wanted nothing to do with him. So Steve stopped trying, disappointed, and rejected. Instead, he tried moving on by going on dates, and eventually, Steve pushed Eddie to the back of his mind. . .then spring break rolled around. It all went to hell, and suddenly, he was fighting to save Eddie from being convicted of murders he didn't commit while also trying to stop the earth from splitting open.
Luckily, it was all a success with some injuries. Unfortunately, Eddie still needed to be hidden from the town, and Steve's house was the best place for him. He was currently resting in Steve's guest room, bandaged heavily as he was worse off than Steve but not so bad that he needed a hospital. Steve was pacing downstairs. Now was the perfect time to talk to him. He couldn't run away this time. Steve sighed and walked up the stairs. He entered the room without thinking and without knocking. Eddie froze, his unbandaged hand down his pants. He quickly pulled it out.
"I had an itch!" Eddie exclaimed.
"Uh. I can come back," Steve said.
"No, seriously! It was an itch!" Eddie exclaimed. "I was just thinking about you."
Steve’s mood changed pretty quickly. His cheeks turned pink, and he grinned. He slid carefully onto the empty space beside Eddie. He used an elbow to avoid laying on his stomach.
"Really?" Steve asked.
"How could I not? You pulled me out of hell, man," Eddie said. "I wish I could thank you properly, but I can't even get out of bed."
"You can thank me by letting me do all the work," Steve said.
"Uh, yeah, okay," Eddie said, looking at him, confusion as he started to disappear under the covers. "What are you - Oh! Oh! I think there was a misunde - OH, fuck it! It's such a good one. JESUS H CHRIST!"
There was a popping sound from under the covers as Steve peeked out from under the blankets.
"Do you want me to stop?" Steve asked.
"No! Get back down there," Eddie said and pushed his head down. "I can't believe - I, uh, thought that I hated you and I, uh, I uh, I didn't understand why I did. Oh, fuck! It's why I ran - I shouldn't have - Steve, Steve, I think I'm going to - God!"
Steve plopped down on the empty spot beside Eddie, smirking as he licked his lips.
"I didn't think I would be so good that I'd get a name change," Steve said. "God. God Harrington."
"Cocky asshole," Eddie replied. "So, what does this mean? Is that all I'm good for, or do you want more from me?"
"I think I would like to try more with you," Steve said softly.
"Me too, and once I get better, I am so returning the favor," Eddie smirked.
"There's a lot of things we're going to do when we get better," Steve said as he leaned in close to Eddie's face.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah."
Steve placed a soft kiss to Eddie's lips, smiling when Eddie started kissing him back. Steve pulled back.
"The first thing, though. . .I'm so making you sleep on the couch," Steve said.
"What?!" Eddie yelped. "Why?"
"Well, one, you forced the kids to choose between Lucas and Hellfire. Second, you didn't stick to the plan, and you nearly died in Dustin's arms," Steve huffed.
"But I - yeah, no, that's fair," Eddie mumbled. "I do feel bad about making them go through that. I'm going to work my ass off to make it up to them."
"I know you are," Steve said softly. "Luckily, you've got the rest of your long life to make it up to them."
"Thanks to you," Eddie said, and Steve bit his lip. "You want to tell Robin, don't you? Go ahead."
Steve went downstairs and into the kitchen. He picked up the phone, twirled the phone cord around his finger, and dialed Robin's number.
"Hello?"
"Dear Diary. . . I totally went down on this really cute guy. . .bit of an asshole. . . but he's working on it. . ."
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ctheathy · 1 year
Text
Survival instinct didn’t make the cut
Yandere Ticci Toby x Reader
Angst oneshot
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Imagine making your first Tumblr post and it’s this. But I swear, this scenario has been living rent free in my head for the past months-
I believe it turned out quite alright though, hope whoever comes across shall be able to enjoy it themselves too =} Goodluck, darling~
Ticci Toby/Reader
⚠️Warnings ⚠️ :
•Toby lmao. •Yanderes •Reader’s demise •Obsessive behaviour • Abuse in all varieties •Implied non-con // r#pe •Indirect su!c!de •Slight detail of gore // blood •Derealization ?? •Tobitch going through the five stages of grief
Angst time babiee
____________________________________________
Now he’s done it.
Before you is where he stood, body trembling as the smell of bitter iron was dancing alongside his nostrils, mocking him.
His throat was aching, easily confirming the assumption that he had in fact been screaming at you. He hadn't expected this, but he should have.
He should have realised his self-restraint was reaching it’s limits.
He had lost count of the amount of speeches he had prematurely given you in warning over the course of just six months, the amount of punishments he’d given you in an attempt to put you in your place, his already thin patience having decreased into absolutely nothing. Why the fuck couldn’t you just be all ears and listen to anything for once in a lifetime?
You never listened.
It seemed like not too long ago he would have once again had your fragile figure cornered in an obvious out of control burst of rage. Figuring he had the absolute opposite of innocent intent, as he has done many, many times before in his quote on quote “regular” state alone. Yet the now deafening silence was haunting to Toby. You never enjoyed crying when he was in the same area as you were, he knew this, but some whimpers here and there did always manage to slither it’s way out of your throat. Especially when battered like this, you’re not supposed to be this quiet.
Conversations were rare, but it surely wasn’t like they weren’t there at all, despite how minor they might have been. He’d recall you flat-out ignoring his entire existence for a long time before that, and when you did reply to a sentence or two; your answers were always kept as short as possible, too short. Cold, even.
You and your blunt statements.
It angered him, following with Toby developing a habit of literally demanding your attention and cooperation, which surely wouldn’t be considered all that bad by a majority of people,
if it didn't include inflicting damage if a hint of resistance was even shown, that is.
Neck twitching severely with his eyes scanning over your once gorgeous form; one he wished to have held onto for the absolute rest of eternity, now beaten into a bloody pulp. Truthfully saying, your state had already been quite the wreck from these so-called “punishments” you had endured from him formerly, but they were nothing in comparison to whatever the hell he did to you this time. Your body structure wasn’t even recognisable to the bare eye anymore. The only thing left confirming your identity being your facial features, those you had instinctively tried shielding with your arms; arms who were now bend in uncomfortable positions, whose bones were now much so similar to your ribcage as they were clearly showing, sharp tips that had been broken off of the full bone structure poking out of the bloodied flesh.
You seemed to have gotten on his nerves once more, didn’t you? Who were you even kidding, you were always at fault from his point of view. You swore it had gotten to a stage where he just reached out for whatever excuse he could get his grabby hands on to cause harm upon you. His frustration streaks being no help in the matter, whatsoever.
That being said, this too included suffering the most whenever his torturous desires came over to front within his own mind, lashing out and resulting in unimaginable that when given too much detail would probably get me banned discipline instances in itself. He was trying to tame you into being some compliant little lap dog,
the perfect significant other.
And you? You were absolutely not having it.
You were very well aware of the fact that you, too, weren’t exactly the easiest when being in his presence either. Seemingly almost intentionally setting him off, having caused many broken limbs, bruises in all colours of the rainbow, deep wounds and screaming matches that could have easily been prevented otherwise. You just could not help it, the thought alone of being obedient to this- this monster made you sick to the stomach. The strict mental promise you made to yourself literally keeping you sane from his either constant cruelty or unwanted affection.
It was no surprise to say that he just went along with everything he desired as well, not caring about the clear signs of major discomfort your own figure had been showing Every. Single. Time.
Well.
He simply continued to take, greedily getting some sort of emotionally high on all that you'd indirectly have the possibility of giving him. Your blood, tears, cries, whatever sound he managed to get out of you, your body; he wanted all of it, the most suffocating part being that he wouldn’t ever hesitate to be selfish when it came to his wants, his needs. You could yell, squirm and resist all you wanted ...but deep down you knew attempting to resist his lustful urges would be futile. You knew he would continue to take until you were nothing short of an empty husk.
That was the case, atleast.
Until there was nothing left to take from you. His wrath didn’t hurt you anymore, it couldn’t.
Toby swore he could have felt the last bit of basic common sense alongside the last pinch of emotional stability left inside of him fading right then and there. Slipping from his grasp as he was clutching together excuses to desperately try and get himself somewhat in the clear, to not have the realisation of his actions setting in.
No. He wouldn't be able to handle it
This wasn’t his doing. No- nonono he has always told himself he had everything under control. It COULDN’T possibly be his own doing.
He’d never meant to ...
Yet despite these protests profusely swirling around in his head, slowly having it drag itself more into insanity, the axe was right there. Clutched in his own shaky hands with the oh-so-familiar dark red substance dripping from them. In fact, his own entire being was soaked in blood from head to toe. Creating a dried up pattern on the fabric he was wearing.
Was it his own?
Despite the constant weak state you managed to be in, how low in power you were compared to him; you never failed to catch him by surprise when still managing to put up the slightest bit of a fight, often even shedding blood yourself, his blood. Even as time passed, you should have clearly gotten the hint by now that struggling against your capturer, your abuser, did absolutely nothing for the both of you.
It caused you yet more and more harm. But much to Toby’s irritation, you never gained the desire to lower this stubborn behaviour of yours. Continuously keeping up your nagging nature, almost like you were trying to make him snap with no questions asked in the matter. Your motives were foreign to him, even questioning himself if you even had any to begin with. Heck, everything you once seemed to hold a liking torwards was either destroyed to bits, crumbled on the streets for the passersby to find or dead;
So, why?? Was tormenting him truly that important to you?
Muttering nonsense to himself and still being as shaky as ever, Toby dragged his now numb legs across the floor in a sad attempt to get the situation in hand, to get closer to you.
Still, a part of him couldn’t help but feel hesitant, his racing mind still not seeming to have left the state of shock he’s been in for the past hours. He was very much aware by now that your life had been taken this night. Taken in a brutal act of fury.
You weren't there anymore.
the axe slid right onto the cold floor, the metal leaving a clunk sound that echoed clamorously along the room as his body now realised how heavy the pressure on his arms had actually been.
Weakly he started counting down the reasons on how and most importantly, why this could have happened in the first place. He knew how massively petty you could be at times, but this was FAR from the wishes of his main desires.
This should never have happened.
He loved you.
It shouldn’t have.
He loved you. Helovedyouhelovedyouhelovedyouheneededyo---
He completely set his current thoughts to a stop for a good minute at that one. Needing you.
What did that even mean?
He knew he held you in massively high priority, he adored you even, but. Even that sentence in itself caught him off guard. His head had been over flooding for sure, it all just felt void-like, not real.
All he was left with now were his own heartbeats growing their ways into his ears as the organ was struggling to keep itself at bay, the strange yet all too familiar hollowness he felt in the deepest pits of his stomach and the liquid that has unconsciously been falling from his now blurry eyes.
He bit his cheek until blood was drawn from them, fighting back a choked sob as he crouched down to the bloody mess in front of him. Gently stroking your cheek with his knuckles, he flinched at how cold it actually was. The sensation of suffocation in his throat having reduplicated itself in a way he doesn't wish to remind himself of, clenching his jaws at how difficult it had become to keep in his whimpering. But enough of his tears were being shed for sure. And to make matters worse, the usual lack of emotion burned into your expression you’ve had ever since he’s been holding you hostage was now gone.
Instead, the frown Toby had been forced to grow used to was now formed into a soft smile instead. It was small, but unquestionably there. You were safe now, making peace with the outcome that had been created for your life. The outcome created by the absolute greed of another.
The outcome he had made for you.
This realisation he had tried to deny so damn badly had finally hit him, hard.
He quit fighting, the walls he created as a defence mechanism crumbling completely. Giving in as the overwhelming emotions that had been building up finally came to a releasing end. His usual mockery demeanor had been thrown out of the window once and for all, as all he managed to shriek out now were rushed apologies while just pleading for your living form. Just begging to hear your breathing for one last time. You seemed so small. Had you always been like this?
Please come back... please...
Hands were clinging onto the little bits of what was left of your body like his life depended on it. Big chunks of flesh were hanging from the body parts of your figure, laying limp against his own with his weak grip being yet as needy as ever, tears streaming out like a waterfall and unsteady breaths forcing their ways out into the crook of your neck. He had nothing to say anymore, the room instead being filled with high-pitched sobbing and convulsive gasps coming from nobody but himself.
God, he could have heard you call him pathetic right on the spot.
And that thought of you alone was enough to force a muffled screech out of him as his grasp grew only stronger, his veins being filled with nothing but desperation and grief; The constant loop he was in, slowly but actively breaking him down entirely. Your faint words out of memory repeating themselves over and over again.
And that smile.
That damned smile of yours being left to haunt the back of his mind.
Oh how that little motivation of yours had become clear to him now . . .
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Nova’s Notes - DD - May 24
It’s officially Suitor Squad time!!!!!!!!!! Truly a beloved letter from our dear Lucy.
So we now know our girl has a September birthday and that she’s currently 19! I’m not a Zodiac girlie, but I’d love to see the discourse on whether she fits the type of a Virgo or Libra more (I have my guess, but I won’t say).
“Here am I, who shall be twenty in September, and yet I never had a proposal till to-day, not a real proposal, and to-day I have had three. Just fancy! THREE proposals in one day! Isn't it awful! I feel sorry, really and truly sorry, for two of the poor fellows. Oh, Mina, I am so happy that I don't know what to do with myself.”
I love the way she writes in this letter, because it feels like the way she probably talks — very enthusiastic and just saying the first thing that comes to mind. Not in a bad way, just impulsive! Also, notice how she says “not a real proposal” — I wonder what that means. The fanfic potential is endless…
I love the modernity coming through with the “THREE proposals in one day!” and then saying she feels awful for two of the men (already implying she accepted one suit), as well as saying in the next sentence saying how perfectly happy she is. How very Lucy of her!!!! /pos
“But, for goodness' sake, don't tell any of the girls, or they would be getting all sorts of extravagant ideas and imagining themselves injured and slighted if in their very first day at home they did not get six at least. Some girls are so vain! You and I, Mina dear, who are engaged and are going to settle down soon soberly into old married women, can despise vanity. Well, I must tell you about the three, but you must keep it a secret, dear, from every one, except, of course, Jonathan. You will tell him, because I would, if I were in your place, certainly tell Arthur.”
A lot to take in here! So, of course by the “girls”, she must mean their former classmates and friends they keep in contact with. I know it sounds kind of pick-me-girl-ish of Lucy, but we all know that one person who wants to one-up you, so I get the need for secrecy. Plus, Lucy’s reputation with her mom will be dampened by this and might be led to think she ENCOURAGED three men to propose to her all on the same day (oh, what’s that? Hollywood producers have been portraying her as doing just that for years? My case stands.). Of course, she understands the need for Mina to tell Jonathan about this — who she likely assumes is already home with Mina since it’s been more than a week since Mina’s last letter :’(((( — and then she drops who’s proposal she accepted — to no one’s surprise, it’s Arthur!
I don’t know why, but the first time I read this part of the story, I guess I just skimmed over that part? Because I genuinely didn’t think she mentioned Arthur until the last possible second.
But rereading it here, she writes as if she can’t contain herself, like yes she wants to tell Mina about the three proposals — because why wouldn’t you tell your bestie about the THREE PROPOSALS IN ONE DAY — but she can’t help and drop the fact that yes, she’s engaged to Arthur, and yes, she’s as excited as Mina to be “old married women” who “despise vanity”. At least, that’s what I’m picking up. I think it’s another one of those things where the Dracula Daily memes gave me a Mandela effect of Lucy talking endlessly about everyone except Arthur, which she kind of does, but she doesn’t neglect him entirely.
On to the first proposal!!
“I told you of him, Dr. John Seward, the lunatic-asylum man, with the strong jaw and the good forehead.”
This sentence lives rent-free in my head. I absolutely love it. “Yes Mina, dear, the lunatic-asylum man with the good facial features, I would’ve set you up with him if you weren’t engaged already!” Strong start to this rollercoaster.
Previously she had described him as “imperturbable”, but she seems to have heavily amended that statement. Here, she describes him as nothing but nervous, almost sitting on his hat and…playing with a knife?!?!?! Seward, that’s not…how you….ok….she said he was “playing with it in a way that nearly made [her] scream” and I don’t blame her one bit — I would too!
What’s interesting about John’s proposal is that he doesn’t mince words here. He simply tells her she makes him happy and is dear to him, so marry him maybe? It does lean to this side of guilt-trippy when he starts to tell her that if she doesn’t care for him, he’ll be unhappy, until she *actually starts crying* because that’s the kind of empathetic person Lucy is!!!
That’s when John’s caring side comes out. He immediately chastises himself and promises not to add to her troubles. I wonder if, perhaps, he asked a colleague for advice on proposals and they gave him some ill-informed idea on how to “lightly encourage” (read: guilt-trip) a woman into accepting your suit.
It could have very well been his own idea (those who have read Dracula Daily before will know Seward is not as naturally empathetic as, say, Lucy); the only reason I think this is because he’s also socially awkward (if fidgeting with a knife didn’t give it away) and I could very well see him going to a colleague asking for advice on how to ask for a lady’s hand in marriage from someone who’s done it before.
This is when I think if he has been taking advice from someone, he stops and starts speaking from the heart.
“Then he broke off and asked if I could love him in time; and when I shook my head his hands trembled, and then with some hesitation he asked me if I cared already for any one else. He put it very nicely, saying that he did not want to wring my confidence from me, but only to know, because if a woman's heart was free a man might have hope.”
Awwwwwww his hands trembled?? 🥺 I’m so sorry Seward…this genuinely hurts to read. Although, just because someone doesn’t have another person they’re interested in doesn’t mean they’ll automatically grow to like you back — “might” being the operative word here, I suppose.
What I do love here is how well he takes it once she informs him she does love someone else. He simply takes her hands, looks into her eyes and asks her to count him as one of her best friends. This is still sad for Lucy, however, because while he has done this, she still feels like she’s “lost” him in a way and he still walks away with a broken heart, causing her to cry all over again, and defer finishing the letter. :(
Again, it just shows what a kind person Lucy is that even while she feels happy, she still can feel so upset on behalf of another person. That’s one of the things I love the most about her!!!
On to the next proposal!
Happy (belated) Quincey P. Morris Day!!!! Everyone get out your cowboy hats and get ready to lasso yourself into a world of fun with this cowboy. <3
Quick note: It looks like Arthur visited her and that’s what caused her to be able to finish her letter by lifting her spirits. So he must’ve visited her twice in one day, since she already knew about the proposal when she first started the letter? Ugh, love that for her!
“I know now what I would do if I were a man and wanted to make a girl love me. No, I don't, for there was Mr. Morris telling us his stories, and Arthur never told any, and yet—— My dear, I am somewhat previous.”
Hehehehe oh, Lucy!!! Even when talking about this dear cowboy and his stories you can’t help but bring up Arthur.
Quincey exaggerates/makes up his American slang just for her!!! That’s adorable.
“'Miss Lucy, I know I ain't good enough to regulate the fixin's of your little shoes, but I guess if you wait till you find a man that is you will go join them seven young women with the lamps when you quit. Won't you just hitch up alongside of me and let us go down the long road together, driving in double harness?'”
If I’m not proposed to in this goofy — yet sincere — way I 👏 don’t 👏 want 👏 it. But I do love that once he sees that Lucy doesn’t *seem* to understand this approach, he becomes more serious and earnestly asks for her hand with a series of beautiful words.
Of course, Quincey can perceive this isn’t going the way he would hope and asks if she is otherwise engaged of the heart to which — poor Lucy!!! — she cries once more.
“Why can't they let a girl marry three men, or as many as want her, and save all this trouble?”
And so the polycula is formed!!! Hehe, but to be fair, I do read this in the camp of Lucy being a chronic people-pleaser who wants to make everyone happy and hates refusing Seward and Quincey. As someone who is also a people-pleaser, I can relate — I too often have things I wish I could do to just “save me the trouble” of having difficult conversations with people. But also, polycula, I’m excited to see what all of the fanfics and fanart that y’all come up with this year lol!
“‘Yes, there is some one I love, though he has not told me yet that he even loves me.’”
“‘If that other fellow doesn't know his happiness, well, he'd better look for it soon, or he'll have to deal with me…’”
“‘Won't you give me one kiss? It'll be something to keep off the darkness now and then. You can, you know, if you like, for that other good fellow—he must be a good fellow, my dear, and a fine fellow, or you could not love him—hasn't spoken yet.'”
I love this so much. I love that Lucy feels comfortable enough to confide in Quincey that she’s worried about Arthur’s reciprocation of feelings and he reassures her that a) she will make Arthur’s happiness and if he doesn’t get that, Quincey will intervene (in more ways than one, I’ll wager ;)) and b) he’s not jealous of Arthur and thinks of him as a good man, why else would Lucy love him?
I honestly think him asking for a kiss — and Lucy giving him one — is adorable because it’s done in a way where it doesn’t feel forced or that Lucy is uncomfortable. I think of it as a kiss goodbye or a kiss of what could have been, or, as Quincey himself puts it, a kiss sealing their friendship! No matter what way you read it, it’s sweet and I love this moment.
“Oh, about number Three—I needn't tell you of number Three, need I? Besides, it was all so confused; it seemed only a moment from his coming into the room till both his arms were round me, and he was kissing me. I am very, very happy, and I don't know what I have done to deserve it.”
I know we all make memes about this passage — and for good reason, but the way I interpret her not wanting to talk about Arthur’s proposal is that it’s too intimate to her. Do you know those moments where something so wonderful has happened that you just want to keep it all to yourself? Even though you know you need to tell the loved ones in your life the good news and they’ll want to know everything? I know I do! I think this is part of what Lucy is feeling here, but she doesn’t want to tell Mina that per se; after all, she just wrote to her about longing to be back together and sharing their deepest secrets. So, I think she chooses to lightheartedly brush this moment off with a “oh yes and btw Arthur proposed, you don’t need the details, right? I don’t remember half of them myself!”
I think that’s why she makes so much of describing Quincey and John’s proposals — both to make up for her lack of detail when it comes to Arthur’s proposal, and, perhaps, to distract from it as well. That’s just my interpretation, though, I’d love to hear what you think!
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hanasnx · 1 year
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Imma jus keep flooding your ask box bec that's just how I am🏃🏾‍♀️ but this tiktok has me thinking.... imagine an au where anakin is a mandalorian...??? Like hear me out on that😮‍💨😩
Love the og mando but it can always be better with my fave Skywalker </3
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hello vana! can you pls tell me your secret as to how your asks live rent free in my head???? you are welcome to flood my inbox anytime
im not joking. this one and the last one ive thought of periodically since i read them
i found this post a bit ago of mando!anakin <3 thought youd like it: mandalorian fanart link
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☥ i have a huge suit and mask kink if you cant tell already im a mess over dudes in full head to toe gear bonus points if theyre stoic and only speak when absolutely necessary. fucking delicious i eat it up everytime.
☥ anakin’s canon personality kinda fits with that of mando from the show. gravely serious, quiet and calculative in strategic situations, no patience for nonsense, acquires a child and- after fighting the decision- grows attached to it, fierce loyalty to his family.
☥ mando’s armor is so fucking hot oh my fucking god i want him to do me with the helmet on and then imagining anakin underneath it all>???? i feel faint.
☥ imagine him being a bounty hunter eeeeeee
☥ like you two come across each other like you were sitting at the bar and he comes up to talk to the bartender if she’s seen a certain face around. you love the sound of his voice omffmggm, you can tell theres a slight mod to it and it just adds to the rasp. the bartender asks him to wait a second while she goes to the back. so you turn on the charm,
“bounty hunter?”
he pivots his head, marginally. and gives a single slow nod. you smile at him, down your drink.
“big fan of bounty hunters, one time a hunter saved my sister. would love to buy you a drink.”
“can’t. working.”
“afterwards? we both know you’re gonna catch that sleazebag you’re tracking. you look like the type that doesn’t stop til he gets what he wants, right?”
oh, how right you were.
he doesn’t say anything, so you assume it’s not a no. “mandalorian armor… would love to know what you look like under it all.” generously, you eyes travel him from boots to helmet.
“how do you know i’m not one of those guys that’s vowed to keep the helmet on?”
finally, a sentence. you must’ve caught his attention. “i wouldn’t mind that.” your ambiguous flirt left room to his imagination. having implied that it didn’t matter if he kept the helmet on, just as long as you got to see his cock pistoning into you. that was a little too forward for this kind of interaction.
he bows his head, and you envision the way he must be looking at you through his brows. either intrigued or appalled. the guessing game thrills you to say the least.
you point out his mark to him, behind the two of you, sucking on the neck of a twi’lek. “you owe me, hunter.” it was a harmless joke.
the twinkling of a couple credits sounds against the bar counter.
“for your next drink.” he answers your questioning glance.
☥ maybe by making your attraction to him apparent enough, he says fuck it, and after catching and collecting his bounty that very night, he comes back to the bar to see if you’re still there.
☥ maybe you somehow convince him to do you in the dark alley behind the disreputable bar. to your delight, he let you take off his helmet so he could fuck your mouth with his tongue while he slipped his cock out of the confines of his armor and fuck you for real. it’s not like his line of work allows for any time for himself, and the warmth of a willing woman is few and far in between. of course he melts into you once you say the right things. falls for how desperate and noisy your pussy is, slurping him up. sinking into your wet heat and panting into each others mouths.
☥ appearances didn’t matter to you much, and you were buzzed enough to not care. however, imagine your pleasant surprise to see someone so fucking pretty hiding underneath the mask.
☥ imagine yall start a fun little fwb relationship after this so he can fuck all his frustrations out using you <3
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darlingdarkly · 4 days
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🥳🍾 Ok, if you encourage me, then I'll go ahead - though I would hate to distract you from FWTD (Haven't read it yet, I'm still too focussed on 141 and can't cope with splitting my attention too much.) Feel free to ignore this, no pressure.
Would you be interested in hearing about my favourite passages of NYNY, like chapterwise, in case you don't find that boring? I enjoy sharing favourite parts because I find fascinating to see what exactly caught other people's attention and what they like best - especially when it comes to the authors themselves. 🤗
Are there passages you love and are specifically proud of? Like for example you had one sentence/passage/setting in mind and felt the need to create a whole chapter, story or even world around it?👁👁🧠💥💋
(Is that too private to ask? In case you wouldn't want to answer (in public), just let me know.🤫)
((It might sometimes take me a bit of time to answer but I would never NOT react at all sooner or later. Hope that's not too frustrating a prospect...👉👈))
Enjoy the day/night 🤘
YESS OMG! Ok so I’d love to answer this with you but it’s gonna be lengthy LMAO so I’m gonna drop it under a read more 😅
Ok so I’ll give you a little secret about where the idea for him came from in the first place. I came up with this idea back in December of last year, a new movie came out on Netflix called “The Killer” it follows this hit man around who botches a kill and then the people he works for try to clean it up by taking out him but they end up really hurting his wife and so he goes rogue and takes out everyone who had anything to do with the job. His final target is this rich guy who put up the money for the job and he finds out he goes to this fitness club and he goes there while he’s working out to get access to his house. The fitness club/ bougie gym in question was called “Baliquinox” and while I was sitting there watching it the idea came to me and I literally stole the name of the gym and reused it as like a little homage to where the idea came from.
And thus personal trainer Johnny was born! When I sat down to actually write it I had three main scenes I wanted to write, their first ever introduction where he picks her out or part 1, the scene in part four where they fuck for the first time (let me tell you that scene lives rent free in my head for months!) and the ending (specifically like the last paragraph) your girl wrote that WHOLE fic with just those three scenes in mind at the start. Everything else, literally all of it was thought up on the spot.
Funny enough the whole FitBit present he gives her was thought up as I wrote that part. I heard a commercial on Spotify for it, did a little more research and saw all the potential it had. And I had no idea when I wrote it in just how big a part it was gonna end up being in parts down the road. It was kinda just improvised haha
Two of my favorite little tidbits!
The first is in the second part when he’s sitting her down and asking her all kinds of questions that get increasingly personal to the point where she thinks he’s fucking with her (because he is) but I wanted to show that he’s intelligent enough to masquerade his gross intrusiveness as part of his job and then when he’s got you suckered he drops the facade completely and reveals his true intentions. It’s the first of Johnny showing you his true colors and I absolutely loved writing it, it was such a blast and I really enjoy writing manipulations like that. And then when reader heads to the locker room to recompose and dress she has her mind set to set him straight and draw some boundaries which when confronted by them Johnny just pliantly agrees and makes her feel kinda small for making such a big deal of it but we all know he’s pulling the wool over readers eyes again.
Secondly! I loved the morning after the club incident when she wakes up and she’s in Johnny’s bed and she can’t remember anything and Johnny writes the narrative for her and plants a seed. It’s really all it takes. He tells her that it’s OBVIOUS she was drugged last night and there’s no way she can go back home because she’s in DANGER!! (A danger he created the whole time) He played her right into his hands, swept her right off her feet without her even protesting because he’s helping her and doing it for her own good.
A man like Johnny is hyper intelligent and hyper dangerous. When he has his sights set on something he wants he will get it every time because he’s not afraid to play outside the lines. There are no boundaries and no limitations, there’s just the object of his desire and the obstacles in between him and it. And when you’ve walked into the trap and he’s got you, it won’t even seem like a trap. You’ve just suddenly gained a boyfriend and he’s moved you into his home and the sex is amazing and you never have to care for anything ever again. He’s just all in one move wrapped you up into his arms and secured you and it’s where you’ll be for the rest of your days if he can just keep manipulating things in his direction, which is much easier now that he’s got you right where he wants you.
This became so lengthy omg haha but I love him so much! He’s obsessive and he wants you all to himself and he’ll do anything to get it! Please, feel free to reblog this and tell me your favorite parts or add onto mine or discuss!! I would love it! 🫶🫶🫶
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enigmatist17 · 16 days
Text
Rewind (Pt 5)
Current chapters
---
He can hear the snickers as he packs, his fellow Watchers having seen his summons for the now-infamous Sunnydale. Everyone knew the assignment had been given to one the Council already didn't care for, so to have it be given to Wesley Wyndam-Pryce of all people fresh from the Academy, the subtext was clear.
It was a death sentence.
Or, it had been the first time. He'd been so bright-eyed and eager to prove what a fantastic Watcher he could be for two Slayers, hoping Father would be proud of him. He was excited for a different reason this time; those he loved were now so close within reach it was almost painful, the ticket waiting for him almost mocking from its spot on his desk. The biggest change he makes is to withdraw all the money his mother had set aside since he was a child, making sure it was set up in an international bank account with a strange sense of calm. He's out and gone the morning of his flight with nary a goodbye, leg bouncing as he waits patiently in the airline's lounge for his journey, not registering a single word on the page he stared at for hours.
There was too much to think about, too much to change and turn for the better; he almost couldn't decide where to start. The Circle was the first he thinks of, hand going over the spot he'd been stabbed as he remembered Illyria holding him when he passed, but they were not a pressing matter. Jasmine slithered into his thoughts next, bringing with her Connor and the horrors of the child he'd allowed to be stolen, and wondered if Connor would exist in this timeline. That particular memory follows him into his plane, dancing around in his mind for a time as the plane ascends, heading for a town that has changed everything. When he lands at Sunnydale International Airport just after sundown, Wesley grabs his bags and goes for his rental car, suppressing the urge to run like the building is on fire.
---
No one knocks on her door.
Looking up from a magazine she'd picked up a while ago, Faith stared at the door of her room with narrowed eyes, before the curiosity won over and she shuffled off her bed. Stake at the ready just in case, Faith opened the door to reveal...well, a guy. He's looking at her through a set of glasses with an almost fond expression, a suit jacket folded over his arms, collar undone and tie loose as he waits for Faith to have the first word.
"Who are you?"
"My name is Wesley Wyndam-Price, your newly assigned Watcher." He offered a hand with a soft smile, Faith staring at it before slowly reaching out and giving a small shake. "This might be too forward, but I've been given a flat to rent while I'm stationed here, and it has a second room I've no use for."
"Uh...what?" Faith pulled her hand away, staring at the man in a mixture of shock and surprise. Wesley doesn't seem put off by her response in the slightest, merely adjusting his stance as she struggled with what to say. "I have a place already?"
"This is not a place, dear; quite frankly, I'm surprised the Council didn't supply you with adequate housing." Wesley looked disgusted as he spoke, and a disgustingly warm feeling crossed over Faith's chest. "I aim to fix that."
"That's it? No offense buddy, but you don't even know me." Faith crossed her arms with a scowl. "How do I know it's not so you can tattle back to the Council of Assholes about how I live my life? That's the only reason they're finally sending someone."
She's not expecting the loud bark of laughter Wesley lets out, the man quite amused.
"I shall be doing nothing of the sort, they can quite frankly kiss my arse." Faith blinked as he chuckled, pulling out a folded piece of paper and holding it out, the Slayer grabbing it with an uncertain nod. "The spare key is inside, along with the address; feel free to check the space out whenever you'd like. It is truly a pleasure to meet you, and I look forward to working together."
"Uh...thanks, Wes." Faith winced at the nickname, but the other didn't seem to mind, a look she couldn't place flashing through his eyes before he smiled.
"I'll bid you goodnight then." With a short nod, Wesley took a step back and headed for his car, hope swirling in his chest as he headed for his flat.
---
Sunnydale High School was so much smaller than Wesley had remembered. He traveled familiar halls to the library, which started the true beginning of his journey. He'd elected to arrive in a more casual getup: tweed slacks and a button-up shirt with the arms rolled up, earning him a doubletake from Giles when he stepped into the room.
"Hello, do you need help with anything?" Every the helpful Watcher, or former by this time, Giles set aside the book he'd been holding to give his undivided attention.
"I'm Wesley Wyndam-Price, newly assigned Watcher for both Buffy Summers and Faith Lehane." He held out his hand, Giles giving a resigned sigh as he shook it.
"I see they were quick to send someone." Wesley can hear the faint disdain in his voice, but ignores it. "Rupert Giles."
"Oh, I'm well aware of who you are, and quite frankly, am not surprised they fired you." Wesley moves past Giles to take a seat, earning a raised eyebrow. "The Council has never been very smart when it comes to those who are much wiser than the ones who hold the reigns."
"...indeed." Giles narrowed his eyes at Wesley, trying to suss out some sort of ulterior motive as Wesley just watched him with his hands folded on top of the table. "I admit, I was expecting you to be-"
"A good tin soldier? A dutiful suck-up who is supposed to take charge in a battleground he's never seen?" Wesley laughed, Giles realizing with a slight start just how weary the younger man seemed to be. "I would be a fool to try and overstep, and I am not a bloody fool." Giles once again stared at the new Watcher for a solid minute before slowly pulling his glasses off to clean them, his initial irritation fading when he placed them back on.
"I'll call for the both of them to meet you in here, along with Buffy's allies." Wesley nodded with a wave of his hand, glancing to his left toward the stacks with a shrug.
"I've all the time in the world, it's no hurry." It was true, as far as the Council was concerned. There was a phantom tingle on the back of his neck about an hour later that was achingly familiar, the book he'd been reading through dropped on the table when Angel emerged from the stacks behind him. Giles is saying something when he caught sight of the vampire, but neither he nor Wesley seemed to hear him as hazel eyes stare into aquamarine.
The last time they'd done that, Wesley had walked away and to his death.
"Angel..." Cool hands are on either side of his face before the name fully leaves his lips, hazel eyes now golden as a familiar demonic visage drank in the sight of his face. "You're...small."
"Could say the same about you." He's not afraid when Angel's smile reveals his mouthful of fangs, Giles' faint gasp of surprise ignored as Angel brushes his thumbs under Wesley's eyes. "You look tired."
"I am." As much as he doesn't want to part, Angel shifts his face back to its human form, stepping back to look over at the stunned Giles behind Wesley. The older man's mouth opens and closes as he struggles to come up with the right words at the display before him, aware that something was going on that he was out of the loop on.
"I wasn't aware you both knew each other."
'It's a long story."
"One that's totally going to have to wait." A third voice made all three men jump in surprise as the library doors swung open, revealing its owner in all of her glory. Cordelia Chase commanded the room like she always had, the gaggle of Scoobies behind her clearly a bit confused as she zeroed in on the newly arrived Watcher, her face lighting up with a blazing smile. "Wes..."
"Cordelia..." His voice trembled despite the calming breath he'd taken at the sight of her, the current student dumping her books on the check-out table before she sprinted across the room and into his waiting arms. It's Angel's arm that shoots out to steady him, the only reason Wesley doesn't fall, hugging Cordelia as tight as he can as she does the same. They can hear the Scoobies making a bit of noise as they filter into the library and watch the spectacle, Angel's calm voice fielding their questions for now as he rests a hand on the small of Wesley's back, thumb slowly rubbing back and forth. He and Cordelia had spoken about how to bring everything up with Giles and the others before Wesley's arrival, but it turns out that seeing him as flesh and blood threw all of those plans out the window.
"I'm glad you're finally home, Wes. Giles just isn't as stuck up about research as you are." Cordelia finally pulled back with a watery smile, reaching up to kiss the Brit's forehead.
"Then fear no more." Wesley can't stop smiling when she finally moves to take up a free seat, Giles and the others all confused and curious about the scene they'd just watched.
"Since when did you know Watchers other than Oh Stuffy One?" Xander finally asked, eyes constantly darting between Cordelia and Wesley as his leg bounced.
"You'll find out soon enough." Cordelia smiles, checking her nails without a care in the world. "We still have someone else we're waiting on."
"That would be me, sup." Faith knocked open the library doors with a grin, twirling a keyring around an index finger. "Sorry I'm late, was checking out Wes's sweet crib. Moving in tonight, by the way."
"The pleasure is all mine." Wesley tipped his head as the second Slayer took a seat on the edge of the large meeting table, smiling at the pleased rumble he caught from Angel.
"Faith is moving in with you?" Buffy blinked, figuring Faith would have dismissed the new Watcher like she had Giles.
"I'll not have one of my charges living like that." His reply was simple, and Wesley cleaned his glasses before slipping them back on with a look towards Cordelia.
"So...who wants to start?"
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wizardysseus · 1 year
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2, 11 & 12 :)
2. Did you reread anything? What?
less so this year than some years
pride and prejudice by jane austen
nimona by nd stevenson
piranesi by susanna clarke
the sorrow dance by denise levertov
thirst by mary oliver
blessing the boats by lucille clifton
fire and hemlock by diana wynne jones
shadow spinner by susan fletcher
the odyssey by derek walcott
a selection of poems by e.e. cummings
the son of neptune by rick riordan
11. What was your favorite book that has been out for a while, but you just now read?
what's "awhile" in this scenario? 10 years? 30 years? i can't pick one but i've narrowed it down to two
the last unicorn by peter s. beagle
the sandman comics by neil gaiman - especially brief lives and the kindly ones
12. Any books that disappointed you?
hench by nina zina walschots - this was fine, but i was expecting more from it i think, and also she should have made out with the leviathan.
only a monster by vanessa len - nothing about this book worked for me, but especially that the "monsters" are all Fairly Regular Guys who can time travel. and just so we're clear, it's not love at first sight; they just fell in love in another timeline that we don't get to see.
in a garden burning gold by rory power - i normally wouldn't include anything izzie and i read for the book club of misery, because we do not approach those in, like, the best of faith, but in this case i was optimistic, and then it was so boring and the politics insulted my intelligence.
the dragon's promise by elizabeth lim - i read six crimson cranes in march, really enjoyed it, and then waited till august for the sequel to come out and it was... a very sort of perfunctory sequel that existed to jump from plot point to plot point and resolve them as quickly as possible.
house of hunger by alexis henderson - this is billed as a queer gothic horror, but for gothic you really need to develop a sense of place, and this not-very-well-sketched victorianesque fantasy world did not do it for me. it's lacking in intrigue or mystery. the vampires are obviously vampires (not just to the readers but to the characters). everyone articulates exactly what they're feeling at all times. the lead relationship has no chemistry, and i did not buy at all that lisavet had ever truly loved marion, so there was no reason to feel tragic about the "discovery" of what was really going on. sorry this bullet point is so long, but i really wanted to find a good vampire book in october/november and i was bitterly disappointed by this instead.
a dowry of blood by s.t. gibson - i read this after house of hunger, so i was even more desperate for a good vampire book and less optimistic. among my many problems with this book, i think writing it as a letter (series of letters?) to dracula after his death was a mistake, because there is way too much hindsight. the narrator isn't discovering anything as she's living it; she already knows what she thinks, long after the fact, which takes any tension out at the knees. vast swaths of time are covered in a few sentences, which is fine, except she seems to skip anything interesting (such as the harkers, who are mentioned all of once; they are not the ones who kill dracula, so why not cut that reference and just have oc vampires? hello?). the combination of emotional distance and diagnostic language made it impossible for me to be drawn in. also, reviews have greatly underplayed the flowery ridiculousness of the prose. "liquid rage pooled in my stomach and lit up my face" has lived in my mind rent-free for a month.
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anna-dreamer · 2 years
Text
I wanted to gather some of my favorite textual moments from Finrod the Rock Opera. 
Poetically speaking my favorite lines in Finrod are these from Дуэт Финрода и Берена,
- Но ветер Золою кружится в луче... - И светел Рубец рассвета на плече.
Finrod is not the best when it comes to poetical and stylistic consistency. But this here moment is poetically and stylistically beautiful. The metaphors are packed tight but not too heavily. Sounds are flowing without hiccups. The emotion rings clear and true. 
Now when it comes to meaning, depth and themes, i believe i will have to give it to Истина and specifically for these lines, 
...Но главная из тайн - Секрет людского сердца. В нём стучит слепая смерть: Её не одолеть - и с ней не примириться. Но в один слепящий миг Лишь тот его постиг, Кто перед ним склонился!
The theme of mortals, Aftercomers, being the most important creatures in Eru’s plan is well established. Finrod humbling himself is beautiful beyond measure. Beor is there. Andreth is there. My heart cries. It’s wonderful. (Now, of course, we frequently assign meaning witch was not intended, but this is the way it is.) 
Oh boy, but i cannot not say, stylistically this is a mess. Two pronouns, first standing for смерть, second standing for сердце get confused easily. The latter, оно, appears first, then gets replaced with another, она, её. For now we understand what’s going on. But later? Лишь тот его постиг - what does его stand for again? Still сердце? Or maybe it’s миг now? And then again ним - what does this one stand for? When a person tries to recite these lines relying on their inner linguistic sensibility, the latter quickly stumbles. I’ve seen more than twice different Finrod’s actors singing, Кто перед ней склонился, cause they completely lose the thread of what’s going on and forget which is which. And complicated sentence(s) does not help, the meaning is put in a very long phrase, and the whole thing is rather clumsy to be honest. 
Oh, but i can’t stop here, because 
Знай: теперь она [любовь] тебя сильней. Знай: ничто не властно перед ней! Она растопит чары льда И, словно вешняя вода, Разрушит стены и сорвёт замки с дверей!
exists. These words live in my head rent free. This is where Fingon, Luthien, and Sam sing in harmony. There is everything here, Tolkien water symbolism, walls and locked doors, real and spiritual, spells, ice that tolls the mind, and love conquering. Always love conquering. 
One last thing (it’s not all, but i feel this post is already too long). I kinda love the simple extended metaphor in Баллада Финрода к Амариэ, 
Ты стала путеводною звездой - Веди меня теперь сквозь бездорожье!
Good usage of same-root words and thematical integrity - a guiding star indeed can guide through some difficult terrain. Бездорожье is a powerful, finite word and works well in its own metaphor for rough times, rough choices, and rough and cruel world of Middle-Earth. 
What is so special about these lines? Not sure. Probably for me they stand out because Баллада Финрода к Амариэ has... problems. I should talk about those too when i gather some strength to write about stylistic hiccups in Finrod. Cause those are hilarious! And i still love the damn thing very much. 
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lynderman · 2 years
Text
Does anyone else just have a song(s) that hearing the first word can make you start crying on the spot? Like I don’t mean ‘boohoo, this makes a tear fall’. No. I mean violently sob. Like cover your mouth and try to slow your breathing down because the lyrics or whatever Just spark so much going on in your head and it makes you so upset. The crying where you fall asleep because it took so much energy out of you? That crying. Anywho, here’s my little post about the two songs that make me do that. A.K.A, Rn.
1: When She Loved Me (Specifically the cover by Lyn Lapid)
Holy fucking shit. Her voice is so amazing. (Anyways) This song triggers smth in me that just makes me think of that one person. Yk, the one that was ‘Right Person, Wrong Time’ or ‘If We Only Had More Time’. That person. Again, every memory just speeds through my mind. It never fails to make me cry. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a bad way. It varies if that makes sense? It’s the one song I can recognize when the first note is played because it lives rent free in my head. The lyric that could tear me apart is: “Still I Waited For The Day When They’d Say: ‘I Will Always Love You.’.” Because it’s so accurate. For me at least. It’s the one song that helps me pinpoint my emotions. The one I’m so drawn to Yk? (Like the person I’m talking about) But it makes me want to cry and never stop because I would give any and everything to go back in time to see this person. My entire life, my body, my soul. Just anything. Even for 30 seconds. For 30 fucking seconds I would give all I’ve worked for and achieved to tell them I love them. To tell them I’m sorry we didn’t have enough time together. I would throw my entire well-being away just to see them. To hug them. To see their smile. Just to tell them thank you and I’ll always remember them :(
2: I Hear A Symphony- Cody Fry
Words cannot express how much this song makes my heart ache. Everytime I listen to it, I fr feel like my heart might as well be ripped from my chest. It’s such a beautiful song. Sure, it makes me cry till i can’t See but that doesn’t mean it’s not a 18/10. It’s one of those songs that makes every memory of specific people come flooding back all at once. It’s a mix of good and bad memories. Stuff that I wish I could experience again for the first time, people I wish I could see again, just so much. But the one lyric that makes me want to never leave my room again and cry till i have no tears left is: ‘Our Flaws Are Who We Really Are.’ Bro This fucking takes me out. Every. Single. Time. It’s that one point where I can’t contain anything and let out some incoherent choked sob. I get it’s such a common sentence and is used in so many things but good god. Those 7 words dig into the deepest part of my soul and make me want to cease to exist. For reasons that are too long for a list.
Anywho, thanks for coming to my TedTalk. 🫶
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beatsboy · 3 months
Text
3.5.24
journal / ventpost below
because this city is for no one, a friend said to me recently, as i talked about another friend abandoning la to run away to the desert and feel free.
no one is cut out for a place like this. no one thrives in a place like this. no one feels warmed, enlightened, and full in a place like this. los angeles is the reason why people flee to the desert, the mountains, some shore in a cheaper country in eastern europe, why they’ll spend more than their rent to go learn grounding techniques in eastern asia. here is the stomach, the pit of the beast, here we see what the rest of the country sees on the internet, on their tvs and phones, through a thick layer of plexiglass that prevents you from having to see its deadened face every day. here, we see the machine work, and it often feels like if you want to get anywhere at all, you have to literally catapult your entire body into it and allow it to swallow you whole, after which, it will spit you out, a completely different form than you were before you entered.
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it can be isolating, to live in a place like this, so full of life, and yet, so conditionalized. you can not reach out unless you need something or have something to offer. it is a city built upon mutual offerings, so inherently glued to capitalism, it feels impossible to distinguish the two. it has also fostered a resilience in people who can come together, as long as they have a common goal in mind and focus, and overcome anything. today, i have to do my part, and vote.
it can be isolating, to live in a place like this, so full of life, and yet, so conditionalized. you can not reach out unless you need something or have something to offer. it is a city built upon mutual offerings, so inherently glued to capitalism, it feels impossible to distinguish the two. it has also fostered a resilience in people who can come together, as long as they have a common goal in mind and focus, and overcome anything. today, i have to do my part, and vote.
and does that mean that i wish to leave, and start over in a cabin in maine? yes, it does. sometimes. sometimes, i want to make like my friend and run off to my own version of an airbnb in the desert with my lover. i wish i had a lover to take. if i did, perhaps i wouldn’t be so focused on making it work here. maybe love would be enough, not enough to be bigger and better than my aspirations, but just enough to peel my half-dead, under slept hands from the wheel, and convince me the veer course long enough to leave. of course, i would wake up, refueled, and resent that i left the pit of the maze at the moment when i was closest to the center, like zendaya’s character in the oa when she gets removed from the house, on the brink of the death, cursing the man who saved her in the hospital.
so, yes, the maze is killing me. make no mistake at that. and while i know there will never be a time when the kind of life i’ve chosen will not be stressful (i know that no matter how successful i become, there will always be stress, trauma, conflict, etc). i also know, though, that if i work my fucking ass off and put myself out there enough to come across just enough luck to get me through the barrier, it can be sustainable. i know that can be possible. i’ve seen it with my eyes, and i know it will take a lot of patience and frustration, and i have been through worse with less fun things to do on my weekends.
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there were years of my life that went by with barely a single thing to look forward to. there were months that went by wondering: am i every going to feel better than this. those were moments when, logically, suicide make sense. that life did not warrant fighting for. back then, though, as a teenager, i had no idea that a life like mine existed. i had no idea a life like mine was possible. that you could do whatever you wanted, change whatever you wanted about yourself, that no moment, behavior, person, job, city, or anything else was never a life sentence. they kept telling me in therapy that no feeling is permanent, this feeling is temporary. and i understood that. i understood that from buddhism and therapy, from all fronts, that everything was temporary. the thing was, the only thing that ever felt temporary were the good parts. the highs. they fled so quickly, and the lows just kept fucking going.
so, when it came down to it, when the options were die or keep going for another sliver of joy in the sunlight before the next wave hits, when there was nothing exciting, nothing worthwhile, just a family that hated me and a codependent relationship, i chose death. every, fucking time. and then, there came a time, when i had made this choice, yet again, and when it hit me, that a bottle full of pills were rushing through my digestive system to kill me, when i realized, no, this time i don’t mean it, actually, i rang the alarm. i put the fire out.
so i remind myself today: you have been rehearsing for this moment your entire life. it may feel like your first day on the job every time you do something new; you must remember that learning, growing, listening, pushing harder than you thought you could before this moment—these are your greatest strengths. the nurse that said your suicide was inevitable on your chart at 16 was right—no human being should have lived through what you’ve lived through—and she was wrong, because you did. you are no average human being. you are not the tumblr posts about your various conditions (mental and physical) because if you followed those rules, the things you want would be impossible. remember that you are an expert at impossible. your favorite thing to do is prove people wrong. your favorite coping skill is to accomplish and deal with the consequences later. you have been the designer of your own rebirth so many times in this short life, it is hard to account for them all. you first saved yourself, drowning in the pool, at age four. you have birthed yourself under the edge of a blade, through fire, and out of the earth. you are your own mother, your own father, your own child. everything you need is within you, everything you want lives out in the world. dig deeper, one more time, and reach out. the world is waiting for you.
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uwusillygirl · 2 years
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Hiiiii! Normal ppl anon back again bc I wanted to say Spotify recommended me we'll never have sex by Leith Ross today and I only realised it was where depollute me, pretty baby was from near the end but felt very much like a video game character - like an exclamation mark appeared above my head as my brain went oh! First one's free! I had to listen to it a second time, properly paying attention to the lyrics and now I'm utterly obsessed, have been listening to it on repeat all day. It's such a beautiful song, just so lovely and warm, but also holy shit the fof of it all (I mean, I know you beat me to the mark in that so I'm preaching to the converted here but you look perfect, you look different I can't.)
But ALSO, I got here to say hi and saw you liked worst person in the world and wanted to gush because it's possibly my favourite film I've seen this year but none of my friends went to see it so I haven't talked to anyone abt it. If you'd like, I'd love to hear your opinions on it!! I felt so ridiculously moved by it, I had this heaviness in my chest for weeks after seeing it and found myself constantly thinking about it in quiet moments. Not to make everything abt me but I feel like I'm at a point where I'm trying to figure out who I am and spending more time alone and so the whole journey Julie went on resonated a lot and I think it captured the feeling of this age and point in life so perfectly.
Beyond the personal, I loved the use of chapters and narration and explicitly fantastical elements that kind of aim to remind you you're watching a film (I feel like films that you can "get lost in" and "forget you're watching a film" get a lot of praise and I'm not against that but also a story's power isn't necessarily diminished for your knowing it isn't really happening). And the way the two of them not cheating together at the start is somehow the sexiest, most fun and intimate thing ever committed to film and (to bring this back round to fof so I don't get accused of just using this as an excuse to be self-indulgent and talk abt a film I like even tho that's exactly what I'm doing) I'm vibing with the idea of Eddie and Chrissy sharing a cigarette like that absolutely iconic shot from the film.
ALSO ALSO (bc I can't shut up) the single sentence you posted from the fof wip has been living rent free
hi again sweet normal people anon!!! such a fun juicy question to pick at while i’m at the nail salon today hehe
that video game character realization bit is TOO funny!!! i love that song, highly recommend their album Motherwell also!!! such a good songwriter!!!
LOVE your thoughts on worst person in the world! i felt the same! honestly i thought it was good when i first watched it but didn’t necessarily feel like my mind was blown or anything, but then i just could not fucking stop thinking about it… sneakily impactful.
i totally understand what you’re saying! and you’re welcome to make it about you! that’s all good!
those are such great thoughts, truly. i feel like it’s such an interesting thing to see which of Julie’s partners we end up being more attached to… it sounds like you really resonate w the second (understandably!!!) and i really resonate with the first!!! (but that not cheating bit is TRULY so fun and raw and honest!)
as for the wip >:-) ty i am hoping to spend some proper time on it soon!!!!
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esteriivy · 2 years
Note
Do you prefer to write dialogue between characters or inner monologue? Is there dialogue/monologue that you’ve written that has stuck with you? What dialogue/monologue that you’ve written has been the most challenging?
(I've been on vacation, so sorry about the delay in getting to this question, Anon.) So I wouldn't call it a strong preference, but I think I tend to prefer dialogue. Inner monologues are a helpful tool for writing, but I'm usually very drawn to the relationships between characters. I'm one of those writers who low-key hates everything when I re-read my work, but most of the scenes I feel okay about are dialogue.
One that sticks with me: Tyrion was up on deck when she found him and handed the scroll back to him, unsigned, torn nearly in two. He looked down on it and then sharply back up at her. “Your grace?” he asked, brow raised. “I thought I told you already, Lord Hand,” she replied with a raised brow, “Jon Snow is a king.” (From 'Heliopause' -- although that wasn't my first FF, this was one of the first sentences I ever wrote. It lives rent-free in my mind, and I do enjoy that it's very little dialogue to express a wide sentiment.) ---
Most challenging: The entire discussion between Rhaella and Jon in 'Spinning Reds.' That scene took years off of my life. I have no real reason why, but I found it deeply impossible, and I still don't like it. ---
Thanks for the thoughtful question (and pluralize that if the two I'm about to answer are also you)!
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alphabet boy II
SYNOPSIS: college AU. Armin, your brilliant tutor, invites you over to his house for some studying. Naturally, you're nervous and he seems to be giving you a reason to be.
PAIRING: SCUMBAG!Tutor Armin x FEM!Reader
WARNINGS: half edited, noncon/dubcon, fingering, non-penetrative sexual content. gaslighting, manipulating,
A/N: really need the motivation to write again and I've been slacking on my multi-parters so here's a somewhat highly anticipated one. Armin fuckers, this is for you. non-Armin fuckers, I hope this converts you
WORD COUNT: 2.0k
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II. I.
“You’re not paying attention.”
You feel his voice right by the shell of your ear, and the proximity nearly makes you reel back in surprise but you manage to catch yourself.
“S-sorry” You apologize, wishing you didn’t stutter.
The thing is you’re just really out of your element. This is the first time you’ve been to Armin’s house for personal tutoring, and it was hard to focus on the material when his presence was so distracting.
It wasn’t like you were fantasizing about him or anything [well…]-you always tried to banish those thoughts as soon as it came. But still, being alone with an attractive boy with a disarming charm was causing some jitters. You felt like a shy middle schooler, on edge and jittery.
The last tutoring session in the library when he [basically] called you stupid plagued your mind. The memory of him feeling up your thighs lived in your head rent-free.
“Let’s take a break.” He sighs. Your heart drops at the noise of disappointment but you suppose it’s what you deserve.
You push your laptop lightly aside on the table, the bleak light straining your eyes, and ask for the bathroom. You just wanted to freshen up and be alone for a few seconds. The bathroom is meticulously clean, something even you knew was unexpected for a boy. You looked at yourself through the spotless mirror, scrutinizing every flaw.
You sigh, fiddling with your dress collar. Why you had tried dressing pretty for a boy so out of your league, he may as well be in Mars--you didn’t know.
When you return, there is a tall glass of lemonade waiting for you.
“Thought you might be thirsty.”
It’s a simple gesture that makes you blush so you thank him earnestly. Like the gentleman he is, he assures you it’s no problem. Not wanting to prolong the awkward silence, you compliment his apartment, “This is a really nice place. So much light and space.”
You’re babbling but he engages you regardless, and you two are mindlessly discussing the benefits of living at off-campus housing over dorming. His words are pleasant but there’s a sinking feeling within you as you notice he’s bored. Or maybe distracted was a better word.
“So, do you have a boyfriend? Or anyone you’re seeing?”
You nearly choke at the question uttered through a buttery voice.
“Oh um, not really.”
“Not really?”
You made a mental note to answer in definitives. Armin seemed the type to snuff out anything he reasoned as half-truths.
“No. I uh, don’t have a boyfriend.” And then you clarified a pin-drop later, “And I’m not seeing anyone either.”
The blond hums a playful tune that’s vaguely nostalgic.
“Have you ever had a boyfriend?”
You don’t understand the point of this line of incessant questioning, and can’t calm your heart rate.
“I-um, I don’t-“
Taking one look at your serious face, eyes rimmed with worry and cheeks pink, he laughs. It’s a startling sound like bell chimes.
“Relax. I just wanted to know if you had any experience.”
The sentence flies out of your mouth before you can even ponder it: “What do you mean by experience?”
It’s not his fault if he can’t hide the feral grin that crosses his mouth right at that moment. You can’t discern his expression as you’re staring at anywhere but him, so you don’t notice the uncontained excitement that glimmers in cerulean eyes.
“Let’s move to the couch. You’ll be more comfortable there.”
You think about saying that you’re fine wherever you are and didn’t really feel like changing positions, but he’s already striding towards the couch. So you start packing up the materials, before a clear voice calls out to you, “It’s okay. You don’t have to bring all that. Just bring your flashcards.”
You hoped that wouldn’t mean he’d quiz you, but that’s exactly what he meant to do.
“Law of diminishing returns.”
“Wait! I know that one!” You brightly exclaimed, “ Uhh..it gives way to the catch-up effect which means poor countries tend to grow more rapidly and they’ll one day essentially catch up with wealthier economies.”
The blond ran his hand through his hair before sighing. You could feel your heart drop. You were sure you were right. Was your answer wrong enough to cause exasperation?
“Stick with the formal definition next time. I didn’t ask for the theory based on the law.”
You pouted, and Armin couldn’t help but relish in how eagerly you sought his approval, like a puppy performing tricks to appease their master.
“You should sit closer. Can you even see the word?”
You moved closer to him, knees knocking into each other. He looks down at the completed set.
“Well, you didn’t do as bad as I expected.” Ouch. But maybe he meant it as a compliment?
“But,” the corners of his mouth curled, “I’d say you’re still struggling.” Never mind.
“T-this is a new chapter though. I don’t think we’ve even gone over it in class.”
Blue eyes narrow, and you wonder if he’s going to give the well-meaning spiel about how staying ahead was the only way to keep up. That mantra may work for someone with high ambitions and an extremely good work ethic but you were no well-oiled machine. You had other classes too!
“Why are you so defensive?”
Your eyes widen in surprise at the question, spoken so softly and casually, you almost miss the disdained lilt.
“Oh uh-“
“Listen to me. I quizzed you so I’m able to assert your skill level. And your response to my assertion is that it’s something you haven’t gone over in class yet. Do those things relate to each other at all?”
Meekly, you shift your attention to the rug.
“Answer me.”
“N-no”, you squeaked.
“And what have I always told you? The only way to keep up is to-“
“Stay ahead.” You finished, “I’m sorry, I just-“
“Did I say you could interrupt me?”
You could feel the blood rushing to your ears, unsure when the atmosphere had shifted. Your heartbeat was beating rapidly and you could feel your body go warm.
He sighed, and placed a hand over over your folded ones, squeezing your palms.
“You know I’m just looking out for you right? It almost feels like you don’t care-“
“No!” You exclaim, “I-I do.” Heat pools into your cheeks once you realize your grave mistake, “I-I’m sorry for interrupting you.”
The blond smiles radiantly and it nearly melts away all of your worries…until he opens his mouth to deliver another damning remark.
“You know, with your looks…you don’t really even have to graduate. Maybe choose an easy major and then get some rich husband to take care of you.” There’s a distinct lack of humor in his tone as if he wholeheartedly believed every word he was saying.
Your eyebrows furrow in blatant confusion, and in the back of your mind, danger signs are flashing at the back of your head. Your thighs are growing warmer. Oh no, this could not be happening right now.
“That’s what most girls’ dreams are anyways.” He inspects his spotless nails, “You chose this class because Ackerman’s attractive right? That’s why his class has such a high drop rate…silly girls join, not understanding how harsh of a grader he is.”
You open your mouth to defend yourself but the next inflammatory remark he spews almost sends you to shock, “Though I bet, if you got on your knees for him, you’d be getting an A on those finals.” He laughs as if he was saying something particularly amusing, an undercurrent of spite coloring his words, “You wouldn’t even need me as your tutor.”
There are a million things on the tip of your tongue but no voice to speak them out. You want to ask him why he’s been so weirdly invasive, what his weird hang-up with professor Ackerman was, and of course, the casual sexism was really throwing you in a loop. Still, you have no doubt Armin could beat you to a bloody pulp several times over in a verbal lashing, and your mind was too fragile to deal with this.
You’ll sign up for a new tutor or better yet no tutor. You’ll get over your social anxiety and join a study group. You’ll go to all of Professor Ackerman’s office hours. Anything had to be better than this. You’re giving yourself this pep talk in your head but there’s no denying that your legs feel warm, and the self-improvement speech is withering away in your mind as it seeks to instead process how Armin fucking Arltert is touching you right now.
He pins you against the cushions, one hand locking both of your wrists. You’re shaking but your pupils are blown out wide.
He smirks, “There’s an excellent stress reliever for studying you know.”
You limp in his hold but the cocky attitude behind his words brings you back. You thrash under him, earning an annoyed growl from the blond.
“I’ve been so fucking patient with you, you know? Planning out your study guides, sharing my notes with you, proofreading homework, going over the mock exams—don’t you think I deserve a little compensation?”
“I-I’m sorry.”
He's right. He's right. Armin actually has done so much for you. Maybe it was too easy to take for granted because of how efficient he was, and how he acted like it was nothing. But right now, nothing really was everything.
He smiles. Yeah, this is who you were. Add just a little bit of pressure and you crumble. That flash of bravery from before was nothing but a petulant outburst from a child who didn’t know any better.
Armin coos, “Isn’t it a little embarrassing to be a virgin at your age?”
With unbridled precision, while he’s still holding your lower body down with the weight of his legs, he unbuckles his belt and ties it around your strained wrists. Red fills your face, and like always, you’re struggling to find the right words to respond. To say anything at all. Most of all, you can feel a wetness building at your core.
“I know the way you look at me, you know.” He kisses the dip of your neck, slender fingers splayed from under your shirt, “I know you’re into this.”
And because he is a scientist who must have evidence to back up his hypothesis, his hands find themselves under the waistband of your floral skirt that you foolishly wore, pushing the cure pastel underwear aside. You’re writhing in his grasp but maybe not as much as you should be, but it’s not your fault your movements are sluggish right?
“You have such a funny habit of not deleting your windows and keeping your bookmarks open.”
You freeze.
“This entire time I thought you were some prudish virgin even though you dress like a whore. Someone with who I had to be gentle. But all that fucking porn you read? Nasty. Is that why you need help in this class?” He punctuates slowly, "Because you're wasting your brain for something else?"
Immediately, you remember how you left your laptop on the table. You remember how many times he used your computer to double-check the notes, and you trustingly let him, forgetting that despite deleting your tabs, the hidden windows of steamy erotica were not yet erased out of their existence. Embarrassment violently paints your body.
He doesn’t wait or care for your response as he starts a vigorous assault on your clit with his slender finger, rubbing up and down in a vicious manner. The second finger prods at your entrance, feeling a tight cavern despite the amount of slick collected. Your eyes roll back in pleasure-is this what being with someone is like?
Stop. Get a hold of yourself. Why are you so fucking horny right now? It doesn’t matter what Armin said about you or how he called you out for the fiction you’ve read, because this is real life. But Christ, it’s Armin, the boy you’ve had a crush on since the moment he explained to you what a marginal abasement curve was. Stupidly handsome Armin with a gentle voice and too-blue oceanic eyes. Stupidly handsome Armin who coerced you into being under him.
You’re so fucking warm and tight, and Armin can’t wait to sink himself inside of you, can’t wait to humiliate you further. With nimble fingers he untied the ribbons of your dress like you were a Christmas present, groping your soft mounds and marking up your collarbone with teeth and tongue. Crystalline tears roll down the side of your face. You really shouldn’t be crying when you’re this wet.
“So fucking funny how you can’t look at me in the eye when we have a conversation but you read the filthiest fucking smut I’ve ever seen.”
taglist: @candy-hime
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genshinology · 3 years
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i want to say that royalty au with prince kaeya and the reader is a female knight lives rent free inside my mind nowadays 😗
A PRINCE'S KNIGHT. kaeya
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pairing; kaeya x fem!reader
genre; royalty au, maybe modern au too?
summary; when the crown prince always had his eyes on you since day one.
word count; 1.4k
content; pince!kaeya, reader!knight, mentions of other characters and reader is one of a kind (cliché? i know), basically these two are oblivious with each other.
notes; at first, this was a really long piece because the idea of prince kaeya seems muah, chef's kiss but... i had to cut it short since writer's block about the details really got me :')
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the moment you decided to join the knights, none of the people surrounded you were delightful to hear the news.
in fact, they even thought you were such an embarrassment for them, coming from the small fishing village near the vast ocean, and even before you came to the capital for the selection of the knights, you always helped your brother ran his business inside his tavern, and sometimes you would help him warding off the pirates docking nearby.
which was quiet a tough job for a woman.
the kids and females around you back in your town seemed to always look down at you and your job of repairing wooden boats that had gotten unfortunate because of the storms.
sometimes, they would laugh seeing you drenched in sweats under the sunlight for all day, saying that you were such a weird girl for doing a supposedly man's job.
men was stronger in term of strength than women in nature, but that didn't hold you back from searching any source of incomes to support you and your family.
so when the news of the failed assassination attempt of the crown prince spreading throughout the whole kingdom like a wildfire with the suspect flee from the scene before the prince and his guards could take him down, and hearing that the royal family wanted to recruit more people around your age to become the knights, your family knew it would be a great opportunity for you, and for the medical expenses of your father's.
your brother convinced you days and nights for you to try, because you were scared of staining your already bad image in front of the girls and there was no way you would take the chance, you weren't guaranteed to get in the knights in the first place.
the stereotype of those things weighed heavily inside your mind, that a girl should be more elegant, and not doing what you were currently doing at your place.
your family and friends managed to convinced you at the end, saying that if you did get in, you would prove the villagers wrong and that your salary would be way more worthy than your entire life.
and surprisingly, among hundreds of people, ranging from all kind of men and women your age from all around the kingdom, with five phases for you to pass, you succeeded.
you succeeded along with fifteen other recruits, and the letter of joy you received from your family was still under your pillow, inside the dormitory of the knights.
recalling one of the significant memories you made along the way, you couldn't help but smile.
you met amber and eula, another two girls who were surprisingly from the city yet so humble in helping you with your bow lessons and etiquette classes.
and the most unforgettable memory would definitely be the first time you met the crown prince, not only it would be controversial but without your curiosity and carelessness that fateful night, you wouldn't even think that you would be friends with him up until now.
even you cringed at the words prince and friend in a sentence, how ironic.
"oh? what are you smiling at?" the soothing yet teasing tone of prince kaeya nearly startled you, how long had he observed you?
"y-your highness," you bowed down, couldn't help but felt shy when you knew he saw you smiling like an idiot just now and scared that he might have gotten a wrong idea of you slacking off instead of doing your night shift around the east wing.
"didn't i already say there would be no need of this silly hierarchal title when there was only the two of us?" he said calmly, even claimed his spot beside you and you quickly looked around the palace garden, panicking that others would see and questioning what you were doing with the crown prince before he calmed you down, his palm behind your back, "relax. you are my personal knight, the court wouldn't dare to do anything at you."
he palmed your cheeks in between his warm hands despite the cold night, turning your face to look at him in the eyes and your mind wandered back to his last sentence. yeah, his current action would be super controversial for anyone who saw you.
you scoffed, pulling his hands away from your flushed face and the prince was slightly amused at your cautious actions, "kaeya," his name rolled off your tongue awkwardly, getting used to calling his first name was hard, but if that what he insisted, then you should practice saying that from now on.
"uhm?" he hummed, and you slightly cursed at yourself for finding his voice attractive with the effects he gave to you.
"what.." you couldn't talk casually with him, but you should try, because you were going to be by his side more often, "why did you choose me to be your personal guard?"
his eyebrows raised, amused at how different you were the moment his eyes landed on you, you looked like an independent woman, sometimes did exceptionally well in training as his chest swelled up with pride seeing you passed all the stages yet here you were, shying away from his gaze and he could see how erratic your breathing was.
something about you made his heart tugged, and he knew you would bring a bad news for him and his feelings the moment you and him first met at his study in the big library at the middle of the night.
a fragile woman, clothes too weary, almost made a contact with the floor when you saw the literal crown prince in front of you before he pulled you towards him, and you freaked out seeing him in his pajamas, because you shouldn't be in the library, it was way past the curfew for you and all participants yet he shrugged your legally wrong action off.
since then, he was looking forward for you to sneak around again, but you didn't, because you were scared of someone knowing your relationship with him. sometimes kaeya seemed to do the opposite, he would be the one casually strolling around the palace to see the determination in your eyes from afar, and he was content to see you again.
"kaeya?" your voice brought him back to the reality, and he smiled seeing you all doe eyes, wanting to know his answer, "well, i might be biased," he casually answered, and your mouth left hanging open, "what do you mean? what if i couldn't protect you—
he hushed you, "princess, calm down," you knew kaeya had a way too flirty attitude for someone who was a higher-up than you, but that didn't stop you from widening your eyes and looked anywhere but his face, the audacity he had of calling you with those names wasn't helping to make you less nervous, "i chose you because i believe in you since that day i caught you in my arms," he recalled the moment both of your first met smoothly, the way you almost fell but just like a cliché story, he saved you from getting your kiss with the floor.
just why did he have to come up with that embarrassing moment and just why did his words of choosing brought heat to your face?
yet you couldn't help but chuckle when remembering the same thing, mentally telling yourself to behave and not getting too caught up with his attitude towards you.
"you're my first friend outside of the palace, so maybe you are special to me."
friends, of course you were friends.
"thank you, your highness," you decided to not indulge yourself at the foreign, dangerous emotions that was starting to tingle inside you, "for giving me the opportunity to be in this place."
the prince gave you a small smile, you couldn't read his expressions but kaeya thought you shouldn't know the thoughts running at the back of his mind, seeing you all doe eyes and thanked him made him questioning himself, did this relationship was platonic, or was this had morphed into something more?
the urge of feeling your lips on his was so overwhelming, you were so innocent and different and he was too weak to handle you, friends shouldn't even think of that kind of actions yet here you were, proved his mindset wrong way more than one.
there was no way he didn't have feelings for you and he knew, you felt the same too.
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todomitoukei · 4 years
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Japanese vs. English Dabi - A 292 Comparison
As other people have already pointed it, the official translation is sometimes a little biased to the point of adding things into the text that aren’t in the original Japanese version or changing phrases to the point where the villains come off colder than they actually are.
The current chapters are highly important to Dabi’s and Shouto’s characters and so the official translation, unfortunately, can lead to people getting the wrong image of Dabi. This is not to say that Dabi is actually a super friendly guy - however, I don’t think you can get a full picture of all the layers to his character without taking the original text in mind.
Since there are a few panels I’m going to talk about from this chapter - comparing the Japanese version with the official translation and also dissecting and explaining the original Japanese phrases - I’m going to put the rest of this post under the cut because it’s a bit lengthy otherwise.
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Let’s start with these panels. Though these aren’t mistranslated per se, just like with the “dance with your son in hell” line from the previous chapter, the furigana next to the kanji have a different meaning here. As discussed before, whenever this is the case, the furigana are what the character says, and the kanji represent what the character actually means.
The line in the second panel is: 「轟家の過去が消えるわけじゃねえだろ。」
轟家 「とどろきいえ ; todoroki ie 」-> the Todoroki household
の 「 no 」-> particle to indicate possession, works like an apostrophe
過去 「かこ  ; kako  」 ->  the past; a past (i.e. a personal history one would prefer remained secret); one’s past
が 「 ga  」 -> particle to mark the subject of the sentence
消える 「きえる  ; kieru  」 -> to vanish; to disappear
わけじゃねえ 「 wakejanee  」 -> It doesn’t mean that
だろ 「 daro  」 ->  right ? (used to ask the person you’re talking to for confirmation)
The two words that have a different furigana reading than they should have, are Todoroki household and past. According to the furigana, Dabi says:
「 うち 」-> house; one’s own home
「 じじつ 」-> truth; reality
So going by the kanji reading you get:
“This doesn’t mean that the past of the Todoroki household just disappears, right?”
Whereas what he actually says is:
“This doesn’t mean the truth of our home just disappears, right?”
In comparison to the “dance with your son in hell” line, these two versions don’t differ as much from another. Caleb actually addresses this in his twitter threat and sort of mixed the two versions into one: “This doesn’t change the hard truths about my family’s past!”
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Personally, considering he is directly talking to Shouto here, I find the choice of translating the Todoroki household/home part into “my family” a bit weird. Since he seeks Shouto’s confirmation here, it would make more sense to translate it as “our family” in my opinion. The “my” makes it feel a lot more self-centered, even though there is no indication for him to only be referring to himself here.
Switching the word to vanish with “change” also slightly changes the meaning here. Though both are accurate, I feel like their past disappearing holds more weight. The line is, after all, referring to the fact that Best Jeanist has appeared, despite Dabi earlier announcing that the hero had been killed. So even though Dabi was wrong about that part, it doesn’t make his other facts go away. It’s not just about changing his words, but making it like they were never spoken in the first place. It’s a small difference, but a difference nonetheless.
Finally, the “hard truths” part instead of reality/past. It’s interesting to think about why Dabi says “truth” when he means “past”. But I think one way to look at it is that to Dabi, he has accepted the past. He has lived with it and carried it with him in silence for so long, but was always aware of it. Despite him not having told anyone else about it, he didn’t deny that past to himself. He shows his scars and he fights back. That is who Dabi is as the person that rose from Touya’s ashes. Meanwhile, he says “truth” while talking to Shouto. While we, the readers, and those around Shouto know of his hatred towards Endeavor, Dabi doesn’t know about this. To him, Shouto really is just Endeavor’s little doll. And so in Dabi’s eyes, Shouto has yet to see the truth. To acknowledge their past and the pain they all went through. And though Dabi might not be completely right about Shouto, he isn’t entirely wrong, either. Because even when Shouto hates Endeavor, even when he says he is just going to use him for his own gain, at the end of the day, regardless of his reasons, his actions are still what Endeavor wants him to do - to train hard and want to become the Number One Hero.
I included one the alternative meanings “a personal past one might prefer remained secret” because it also fits well with that interpretation. That the true meaning behind him saying “truth” is not just the mere past, but the part of the past they don’t want to share. Whether that’s because it’s an ugly one that could haunt them for the rest of their lives, or because it’s just difficult to talk about. Either way, it’s more than just memories from when their family was still young. In that, I think “hard truth” is actually a fitting translation, even when it doesn’t have the exact same nuance as the Japanese version.
While Shouto and Dabi are in many ways similar to another, they have slightly different goals: While Dabi wants to kill Endeavor, Shouto wants to save his mom. To both of them that is liberty, just with a different approach.
And the ending of the sentence, where he seeks confirmation from Shouto, sort of indicates just that. He wants Shouto to admit it. Pushing him into a corner and asking a question that only has one right answer. This is also similar to a few chapters ago when Toga confronted Uraraka with the question “Was Jin not a person?” It’s asking something with an obvious answer, yet the people being asked seem to not yet be able to give the right answer, even when they might already know it.
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Next of, Shouto confronts Dabi about the villain he sent to their house, who could have killed Natsuo. As you can see in the panel above, the English translation has Dabi say: “Almost killed? What a shame. That would’ve really hurt Endeavor.”
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Meanwhile, the Japanese version says: 「それならそれで。エンデヴァーが苦しむ。」
「それならそれで ; sorenara sorede 」 -> even so (expression frustration); still
「 エンデヴァー ; Endebā 」 -> Endeavor
「 が ; ga 」 -> particle to mark the subject of the sentence
「 苦しむ ; kurushimu  」 -> to suffer
As you can see, “Almost killed? What a shame” is kind of very far off from the actual meaning. While the official translation makes it almost sound like Dabi is disappointed and wants Natsuo to be killed, the fan translation has him say: “Then that would mean Endeavor would suffer.” This is a lot closer to the Japanese version and focuses on the more important part: the goal is for Endeavor to suffer. Dabi’s intention isn’t to get anyone else in the family hurt/killed in the process, however, he does have this tunnel vision where everything is about Endeavor and doing whatever to hurt him.
“What a shame” sounds like he is upset Natsuo didn’t actually die. While, as stated above, the first part can show frustration, that frustration more likely refers to the disappointment that Endeavor doesn’t suffer as much as he could.
While both versions translate the second part as Endeavor “would” suffer/be hurt by this, the Japanese uses the present tense for suffering. In a way, Dabi is saying “Well, though he could’ve been more hurt, he suffers.” Maybe he hasn’t been as damaged as could be, but it doesn’t matter, because the fact remains that he does suffer from this, present tense. So Dabi doesn’t recognize this as a loss or “a shame” that Natsuo didn’t die. Instead, he recognizes that Endeavor suffers, even when he isn’t met with the worst-case scenario.
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In response to the last panel, Shouto asks whether Dabi is insane (please don’t ask people that) and Dabi’s response in the original translation is “Sure am, Shouto. See, your brother’s not so big on “feelings” anymore.”
A couple of thoughts on this. First, this is a downgrade in comparison to the fan translation of “You got it, Shouto! Your big brother has completely lost any feeling for anything!”
Something the phrasing coupled with Dabi’s wide eyes and big smile make me laugh and this panel now lives rent free in my head. 
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Anyway, the Japanese line goes: 「そうだよ焦凍兄ちゃん何も感じなくなっちまった。」
「そうだよ ; soudayo 」 -> that is right
「 焦凍  ; Shouto 」 -> Shouto
「 兄ちゃん ; Nii-Chan 」 -> big bro (in a very endearing way, but can also be used to be demeaning)
「 何も  ; nanimo 」 -> nothing
「 感じ ; kanji 」 -> feeling
「 なく ; naku 」 -> adverbial form of nai; attaches to a verb to mean “without”
「 なっちまった ; nacchimatta 」 -> to have become (unintentionally; regretfully)
The fan translation, in my opinion, is far more accurate, but there is still something missing. 
First of all, I don’t know why the official translation put feelings in quotes as if Dabi didn’t actually say it? mean it? It just feels like an odd choice that I can’t find a good enough justification for.
Second of all, “not so big on ‘feelings’ anymore” and “has completely lost any feeling for anything” is a big difference, and would make sense if the fan translation was inaccurate. But it isn’t. The official translation makes it sound like Dabi more or less chose not to feel anymore or pay attention to his feelings. He could, but he doesn’t want to. You could argue that both sentences still carry the same meaning: Dabi doesn’t feel anymore. "To be big on something” usually refers to having a strong interest in something and prioritizing said interest, which implies that one chooses to prioritize it. While I’m not arguing that some people do choose to ignore their feelings instead of confronting them, in this case, it’s actually the opposite of what he says.
Looking at the actual Japanese sentence, it begins with Dabi confirming Shouto’s words. Yes, I am crazy. There is no denying, nor shame in this. There is almost a bit of pride in that - so little bro actually recognizes that I have gone crazy from this.
Nii-Chan is an interesting choice of words here. The Japanese language is very much based on hierarchy. There are different levels of formality (shown through words, expressions, and verb forms) depending on whom you are speaking to. To summarize: When you are talking to someone who is of higher status (based on job position, age, experience). This also applies to siblings. Since those of higher status can be more direct/less formal with those of lower status, older siblings can address their younger siblings by their given name alone. 
Meanwhile, the younger siblings would use some kind of honorific/suffix. In this case, the “Nii” means older brother. “San” is the standard suffix you would use to address your older siblings (and other people in general). “Chan” is a suffix that you usually use for kids/girls, - where it has a cute, endearing connotation - wherefore it becomes kind of rude when used for older people (as in people who aren’t children anymore). But it can also show endearment - a close bond between the siblings.
So why does Dabi call himself “Nii-Chan”? While you can interpret this as a sarcastic remark to mock their non-existent relationship, I think here Dabi uses it here to humanize himself to Shouto. Kind of like an “I know you see me as a villain right now, but I also am your bro, remember?” He isn’t just this “evil criminal” - rather cute lil Touya is still inside of him. Dabi isn’t just Dabi. He still is Touya, too. So if you fight Dabi and if you call Dabi insane, you also do those things to Touya. Dabi might be the stage of “having completely lost it” but that doesn’t just suddenly happen. It’s a process. While we can say Dabi became Touya on the day Touya “died” yet it’s important to recognize that there was a gradual transition where both Touya and Dabi existed.
Now that we have that part aside, let’s focus on the actual point of that phrase. The part about his feelings.
何も感じなくなっちまった。 Nanimo kanjinaku nacchimatta.
“Nanimo” means nothing and comes with negative verbs that it refers to.
As mentioned before, “kanji” means feeling and is paired with the adverbial form of “nai” - “naku” which negates “kanji” to turn it into not feeling. Pair that with “nanimo” and you get a meaning of “feeling nothing”
Now for the actually interesting part of this phrase (apologies that it took so long) - “nacchimatta”. This word consists of two seperate words: “naru” and “chimatta”. “Naru” means to become and is here merged with “chimatta” which is the colloquial past tense version of “teshimau”. The verb “shimau” expresses that an action (the verb it attaches to) has happened either unintentionally or has yielded regrettable results. So in this case, it is unintentional/regrettable that he has become something.
Putting this together, Dabi says that he has turned into someone who doesn’t feel anything anymore and this was not his intention, nor is it a good thing. To be fair, “shimau” can also mean something happens completely, however this meaning is rarer and while we can say that this is the meaning here, it’s more likely and more interesting to consider the more common meaning.
With that in mind, I want to quickly address the panel next to it, where Shouto asks him whether he has gone insane
In Japanese Shouto says:「イカれてんのかてめェ!」
「イカれて ; ikarete  」 -> (*ika is written in katakana here to emphasize the word since you can’t use italics in Japanese) to be beaten; to be crazy
「 ん  ; n 」 -> ender is used when explaining something; often with emotion*
「 の ; no 」 -> explanatory particle; used at the end of a sentence like a question marker, but you want the listener to answer and give you the reasons why
「 か ; ka 」 -> ender indicating doubt or uncertainty
「 てめェ!; temee! 」 -> you (derogatory) *meme not intended
The reason why these nuances are important to take into account is that when Dabi, in his reply confirms that “Yes, you’re right, unfortunately, I have become unable to feel anything” he is not just confirming the statement, but emphasizing just how tragic this all is.
*[edit because someone pointed this out to me: the ん here is actually more likely to be the casual form of いる (iru) that attaches to the て (te) form of a verb to turn it into the current/ongoing state (= In this case "are you being crazy).]
The official translation simply made Shouto say: “Are you freaking insane?!” which isn’t exactly wrong but misses the nuance of the “nnoka” in the middle of the sentence. While the official translation sounds rather cold and dismissive, the original shows that Shouto cares. There is emotion, and more importantly: there is a desire to hear his reasons. “Why do you think it was okay to put Natsuo in danger?” By the way, the “n” ender that shows emotion when explaining something is also used by Shouto earlier when he says “Remember him? The brother you cried to every day?!” - It’s no surprise that he is emotional right now, still, it’s important to note that he isn’t just showing his emotions through his tone or his expression, but also through his words in order to make it as clear as possible to Dabi how much Dabi’s actions affect the rest of them and hopefully be able to get through to it.
It’s an emotional and tragic conversation that takes place between them, yet the official translation turned it into a much colder, less-caring one.
I know this was a lengthy post with a lot of information, so congrats and thank you if you’ve made it this far. The reason why I decided to make this post was that initially, the “Nii-Chan can’t feel anything anymore” part stuck with me so much and even more so when I dissected it.
Again, other people have pointed out that the official translation is very biased at times, which is not just sad for those of us who care about the villains, but it’s also just not professional. A lot of the panels I talked about in this post aren’t inherently incorrect, they are simply missing nuances that the English language doesn’t provide. Still, I wished that a professional translator would figure out a way to at least slightly incorporate these anyhow (which btw is literally part of the job). Aside from those, it’s just frustrating when the emotions get almost entirely removed from phrases. I get it - Dabi is apathetic, as he says himself. And yet, Dabi is also constantly shown to put extreme care into which words he chooses; this chapter being no exception. So why does such an important conversation between two brothers get changed in ways that make people who don’t bother checking other translations/the Japanese version unable to get the right image of them?
I understand that it’s important to support the official translation and I do. But it’s also very much important to read other versions, too. While the fan translation might have errors and mistranslations in it here and there, it tends to be a bit more literal and thus includes the nuances more than the official translation does. So please don’t just read the official translation and treat it like the only valid one, when it also comes with its flaws and just isn’t a good sole source for when you want to understand the characters.
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