#this story is making clear to me that Billy can have his own issues with overbearing women | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shieldofiron · 23 days

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When I first joined this fandom in late 2022, I had some traction with some stories. And some people reached out to see if I wanted to join a discord server that was owned by a person who at the time had over 1000 followers and posted quite frequently. She was popular, though she presented herself as much more popular than she was. Let’s call her Z.

I did not connect with everyone there, in fact I was uncomfortable for reasons I will go into in a moment, but there were some people I really did connect with, and I stayed to be close to them. And then one day, my closest friend there was kicked out of the space with little to no explanation. He begged the mods and Z, formerly his close friends, and was blocked. I combed the server, but I couldn’t find anything that he did that in my opinion was worth kicking him out. Then he began losing followers and receiving many hurtful and upsetting anons on his tumblr. Angry, because I suspected they had something to do with it, I stopped posting in there and later left. I was disgusted that this was going on and they were acting to my face like it wasn’t, and still sucking up to me about my stories. He said he was worried about me believing him, believing that whatever he did, he didn’t understand what it was. But having witnessed Z’s behavior in her server I had no problem believing it was her and her friends.

Z used to find fanfiction or art of ships that she didn’t like, and @ everyone in the server to come look at it, despite knowing it was extremely distressing for some members. If you protested that you had no issue with these ships in fiction but that maybe you didn’t want to see that on a Tuesday at work in the general chat, Z and her closest friends would harass you (me) to say that it was bad, and evil. She often called for people to unfollow these artists, or block users who she had found and showed to us without any participation on our part. Despite this she frequently became interested in dead dove subject matter, but it was always ok when she did it. Boundaries did not exist to her, except for the boundaries of her taste and how she thought the world should be. Z would routinely make jokes about sensitive subjects like trans rights, and let's just say it felt like it wasn’t her place. But don’t worry, Z would say, I have friends who are [joke she had made] [from country she had insulted] so it’s fine. There’s only so many times you can hear a joke like that and not wonder why it’s being made over and over. If you were offended, everything was a joke, or there was something you didn’t understand.

This server was a deeply uncomfortable space. Many times I felt harassed over my politics, over my opinions in fiction, and it was often easier to just swallow this. When I met my friends there, they showed courage standing up for themselves and I am so glad that I found them. With them, my experiences of this fandom lightened enormously. Z and her friends had made me so paralyzed, paranoid and unhappy. I had been afraid to even talk about my race however tangentially. I was afraid to make posts against anti behavior, because they had so twisted the way I thought the Billy fandom would perceive them. Thankfully I do not think that the majority of the fandom agrees with her views.

Z apparently has been presenting harassing my friend as a misunderstanding. Perhaps the misunderstanding is that she thinks any of this is harmless. Misunderstandings can be overcome, discussed, apologized for. If someone is confused, you can explain, you can be civil. There was no discussion.

Z made no effort, except to further talk about him and others behind their backs. She never reached out to clear anything up at any time. Her excuses when she made them were frankly shocking. And she never explained to me why my friend was so dangerous, but hid behind fake apologies and more popular friends, lying to my face like things were all good. My friend made a post when he felt safe with her username and the username of another person who harassed him. My friends that I kept from that server are the bravest people I know who understand that reputation means nothing if you can’t look at your own actions with conviction. And Z went away for a time.

Until I earlier this year, I was invited to a very large Billy server. Immediately I was confused by a user I had seemingly never seen before who had me blocked. It was Z, with a new name. She had me blocked until she saw me interacting positively with a very popular artist. Then I somehow became unblocked. Which was very interesting. I came to find that she was very close friends with them or tried to be. She appeared to be very close with the owner of the server too.

I was obviously wary but who knows. People can change. I really believe that. Unfortunately I do not believe that she has changed yet.

All of her old behavior was back as was my paranoia and fear. And it appeared that, emboldened by her friendship with the owner of the server and others, she felt safe going even further. Here was finally what she had craved, a large platform and popularity to continue her previous behavior. I later came to find out that the owner of the server had her own issues with bullying others, twisting the truth, and other, much more serious things. They showed the same character that Z always did, sweet to my face and sour behind everyone’s back. Yet again people said that they worried they wouldn’t be believed. They were afraid of the fandom famous people who were their friends.

Perhaps it’s just me, but if I had been called out in the past for bullying a trans person online I would distance myself from any appearance of transphobia or bullying or lying. Not Z. She in fact announced that she would bully the mods and “everyone” in the server when people joined. I am not paraphrasing, she said he was a bully so often that it was almost comical. She openly said she was an anti when someone confronted her over AGAIN trying to publicly shame authors and create mass unfollowing campaigns. There were no or minimal consequences for this. She would casually bring up the same old jokes and dogwhistles that she used to, uglier with time, and to me pathetically stripped of anything that could have excuse them.

Nobody told me these things. I saw it with my own eyes. But still, somehow, she was the hero, the popular beloved person in every story. I was afraid because she had very powerful friends. Or at least she pretended she did. Because she was friends with a server owner who hurt people I cared about. I am still afraid now. But I’d rather do it afraid for my friends than watch this happen.

I would give up every stupid note on every stupid meme if it meant trans people, and all vulnerable people, felt safe in fandom spaces. I am tired of dishonest communication and trying to play some stupid game I never fucking cared about. If some popular person wants to crush me like a grape for believing my friends, they can go ahead and do it already.

Everybody wants to be liked, everybody wants to be believed. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be liked. But I’m done waiting for people to believe me or like me. I’m done waiting for people to wake up and take a look in the mirror. To explain and to deign themselves to listen. I believe in my friends. I believe my eyes, and I believe in my own convictions. That’s enough for me.

I believe people can change. I hope they do. But I hope they do away from vulnerable people who they can hurt carelessly.

I’m not blocking you. Clean up your own mess.

#fandom wank #but is it tho #harringrove #fandom discourse #applewillowstone #flashwaves #harringrovepolls

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sepublic · 10 months

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You know a Belos redemption fic is going to suck and completely miss the point when one of the first things the writer does is restore his human appearance. Like. Season 3 made it pretty clear that the curse form was a permanent thing Belos had to deal with, and he only briefly recreates his human look as a facade when he’s begging for his life.

But more importantly, we have so many protagonists who have to deal with the scars and disabilities that Belos’ system (and often Belos himself) inflicted upon them; Luz, King, Eda, Hunter, Raine, etc. But Belos gets off scot-free for a curse he brought directly upon himself, the result of the cruelty he inflicted towards those palismen? Their own suffering, now reflected on Belos in a way he can’t hide from himself or others? He left his mark on Luz, it’s only fair that Luz’s mark on Belos (which she did by branding him!!!) remain.

And it’s not even necessary to restore his human form; The only real drawback to Belos’ curse form was him dying, but obviously if someone has a redemption fic, then they’ve addressed that issue. It isn’t a loss of bile magic like it was for Eda or Lilith, because Belos never had magical bile, and he ate those palismen for power.

Why does a redemption for Belos need him to regain his human form? Doesn’t it make more sense for someone who saw others as lesser for not being human, to learn to accept himself and others for this shared trait? To walk in people’s shoes, participate in the monstrousness as an actual member? Are there not consequences that Belos needs to learn to live with, as his victims did? Even an opportunity for angst as he grapples with this change? It’s also genuinely less interesting to change Belos back.

Honestly, it just kinda proves to me that people only woobify Belos as much as they do because of white favoritism’s apologism for bigots, like what happened to Billy Hargrove the racist from Stranger Things, or Kylo Ren from Star Wars. Because god forbid Belos no longer be a white dude, that would just take away from the appeal that incentivizes his stans to coddle him! Like Belos, they’d rather humanize a white dude than a slimy green monster, even though the latter is infinitely more compelling… The story was right there and stans willfully ignored it.

People can’t comprehend that Belos isn’t the main character (He serves Luz and others’ arcs, not the other way around) and that this entitlement was in fact his foundational flaw. It’s a double standard for an abuser’s pain with no regard for Belos’ victims, unless they can prop up his uwufication. Whether Belos deals with his curse form or not is a litmus for if a writer actually understands his character, and really the basic themes of the show.

#the owl house #emperor belos #philip wittebane #fandom salt #vent #rant

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stoat-party · 27 days

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Evaluating Which Details Pose Continuity Issues (yeah, it’s long, sorry)

I’m being relentlessly annoyed by (some) people mad at the show and by (some) people mad at people mad at the show, so let’s clear up where the issues are and aren’t so we’re not just talking over each other here.

Destroying the Strip

Obviously not a retcon. Retcons refer to previously-established events. Some people might have their own problems with it (I definitely saw it cited as evidence of a coordinated attack on New Vegas), but it presents no continuity problems.

2. What exactly is a vial?

I don’t think this changed ghoul lore. They can still go 200+ years without turning, or they can start turning as soon as they get ghoulified. There’s just a new plot element where they can stave off the effects of going feral for awhile if they take this mysterious drug - without the drug, the rules are still the same. The story was NOT clear on this, and it confused me, but if ghouls need drugs to stay sane, Oswald, Dean, Billy, etc. could not exist even if there’s a massive industry in vials of goop that’s never been mentioned before.

3. It took Vault-Tec decades to build all the vaults.

This is something I worried about because there couldn’t have been much time between the boardroom scene and the bombs falling (Janey doesn't age). But I think it makes sense if you assume the vaults were already built and they filled them with experiments afterward. It does leave the problem that some vaults were unfinished but Vault-Tec also dropped the bombs - why would they do that before finishing their vaults? It’s possible that they planned to drop them but got beat to the punch, or any number of other explanations. Clear retcon but not a huge plot hole.

4. House is worse than Caesar all of a sudden?

This one’s a private gripe of mine because House and Sinclair were not originally written to be Actual Sadists Who Hate Humanity. There’s also House’s mastermind prepper attitude toward the apocalypse, which doesn’t indicate that he had a hand in orchestrating it. While the change doesn’t conflict with the text as far as I know, it really changes the flavor of the game, but not as much as:

5. The Fall of Shady Sands

Let’s say that this happened after the first battle of Hoover Dam, so no continuity issues with their ability to win that. (That’s probably why they set it in 2277, so the NCR would have almost four years to recover before NV. As if Caesar wouldn’t have taken half of their land by then, even with his armies crushed, but ok fine he’s going through a divorce, he’s busy right now.)

But are you telling me that a country can lose a massive city containing much of its infrastructure, most of its central government, and ~5% of its population and still be trying to manifest destiny four years later with no mention of it?

Losing the Divide as a travel route almost crippled the NCR in the Mojave for awhile. Now, not only have they lost the Divide and their capital city, but one of their other biggest cities, the Boneyard, is abandoned and inhabited by an apparently-unaffiliated town. (Yeah, Los Angeles is big, but we don’t see any NCR or Followers despite three main characters traveling through it.) Even if there were still people there during New Vegas, how is the NCR still conducting a campaign in the east?

Also, who is Muldover and what’s her position? Why does she have raiders at her disposal? Is that really supposed to be what remains of the government? I get that some of this will be resolved later, but short of complete societal collapse, there’s no explanation.

We don’t see any of this in New Vegas. The president (who was in office in 2277) is still alive. No one mentions losing family in the explosion. Caesar, Ulysses, and House, along with the many other characters who complain about the NCR’s weakness and instability, don’t bring it up. People even mention the politicians in Shady Sands specifically. PEOPLE ARE MAKING JOKES ABOUT WANTING A NUCLEAR WINTER-

Now there’s a saving interpretation going around that “the fall of Shady Sands - 2277” refers to a metaphorical fall, and the explosion was later. I’ll accept this if I have to, but don’t pretend it’s not a strained reading. Every entry on the board is dated. Why would you date an amorphous event and not date the city exploding?

The explosion was nineteen years ago, and it had to be that early because Lucy and Norm don’t remember living there. (Not clear how old they are but probably in their early-mid 20’s.) The earliest you could place the event without it making no sense is late 2282, because with the time skips in DLC, the events of New Vegas are about a year long. Maybe you could put a gap between Lucy returning to the vault and the actual destruction, but not a five-year one. And if it was in 2282, Max would still be a teenager.

There are legitimate concerns here. Between House and the NCR, the show changes a lot about the main conflict of New Vegas. It’s not just side details.

Not telling you how to feel! Just don’t pretend nothing poses any problems and people are crazy for being concerned. I think the vibe right now is to dismiss me as a hater, but I hope you can see I’ve tried to make it all work. Continuity is really important in a multi-decade story, especially to writers.

I will be appeased by a respectful and thought-out New Vegas remake that preserves as much of the original continuity as possible and is also really good and costs $4. Thanks in advance Bethesda.

Edit:

6. Tatoes in the vaults

TATOES IN THE VAULTSSSS? THIS IS MASSIVE DISRESPECT TO THE LORE. EVERYTHING WE KNOW IS DESTROYED. UNFORGIVABLE.

(but yeah there shouldn’t be tatoes in a vault that hasn’t opened)(maybe norm and lucy had seeds in their pockets when they came back, sure)

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pastel-pillows · 1 year

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I want you all to know I planned this one way and thought of a way to make it hurt more.

This is the longest thing I’ve ever written, its about 3,200 words, with my hands i don’t generally write long things so I’m proud of this.

Pieces of you

Billy Hargrove x Reader

Lots and lots of angst, like heavy CW: mentions of death, Injury and memory issues, no comfort

Unedited for now.

No one really seems to understand the way day to day things affect your life, the constants overlooked and unappreciated until they’re gone. You were neither over looked, nor under appreciated but the absence of your presence has left a gaping clarity to the extents of which you’ve filled the lives around you, and even now a year later things fall short and spaces remain empty. There are only pieces of you remaining that struggle to fill the you shaped molds.

Halloween was your favorite holiday, the outrageous costumes and parties following a night out with the kids trick or treating, you always stealing from their candy buckets as you walked down the streets of Hawkins despite their muttered protests.

“It’s a babysitter tax, you don’t think I’m doing this for free do you?” They’d long since grown out of the age of needing a babysitter, freshly done with middle school and just barely into their first year of high school, but old habits die hard and you’d been taking them trick or treating since Mrs. Henderson had hired you as Dustin’s baby sitter back in 1983 when Will had gone missing. You knew they’d be fine, but you were well past the age of trick or treating and who else was going to let you eat the new airheads candy from their bags.

“We’re fourteen! I can trick or treat on my own this year.” Annoyed as he pretended to be, Dustin loved having you around, seeing you as an older sister and enjoying the noise you brought into his quiet home. Even if you were overprotective you filled the nights his mom worked with idle chatter, letting him talk about the campaigns he’d played or what Eddie or Mike had done during lunch, he liked how you listened, but loved how you’d parrot parts of his story back or ask questions on things you didn't understand. He liked the addition you were to his group and to his family, and if the price was a strawberry piece of taffy, it was a good deal.

“Are you saying you’re too old for me now Dusty? Have you outgrown my services?”

“Yes, don’t you have a boyfriend to make out with or something? We can see Mike’s house from here, you can go.” Dustin’s scowl couldn’t stay in place when you ruffled his hair, laughing as you did and handing you yet another few pieces of taffy to sate your sweet tooth for the night, then shooed you off to the blue Camaro parked across the street from the Wheeler house, Billy leaned against the hood with a cigarette tucked between his lips.

“They’re tougher than they look.”

“Yeah I know, but they aren’t gonna trick or treat forever and then I’ll be forced to make my boyfriend go broke buying me candy.” Smoke came out in puffs against your lips when Billy laughed, your face pinching in disgust making him laugh more.

Chucking Billy apologized when you smacked his chest, clicking your tongue and rolling your eyes when he wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you in for a kiss, your tongue sweet with artificial strawberry. “You know I’m more of a Cherry man.”

“I know, that’s why I got all Strawberry.”

***

Looking back, the headaches had started first, you’d just been cleared to go home with instructions to be careful and avoid strenuous activities, to which Billy made an obligatory sex joke, asking what counted as strenuous. Scattered here and there, you never really complained too much, telling the others you needed a nap or some Tylenol and you’d bounce back just fine. You always had, but the headaches began to get worse and the naps went from thirty minutes to three hours, the pain enough to nauseate and incapacitate you, not that you’d ever let that fact slip.

***

The following Halloween all of them gathered for trick or treating, none of them wanting the role to go unfilled, even Billy tagged along, arms crossed over his chest and his gaze unfocused. The happy chattering of the other kids and teens swarming around seemed distant and muffled, things going in and out of clarity without you there ruffling hair and stealing candy, your teasing remarks absent amongst the idle chatter of which houses to hit and who had the best candy.

The night was still fun, with bags and buckets full of candy they did as they’d done every year, dumping their hauls into piles and trading. There ended up being a small pile in the middle of the living room floor when trading had finished, all bright red wrappers with smiling balloons ready for the only person who liked them. Every kid had grabbed Strawberry taffy, ready for your greedy hands to reach into their bags and buckets to collect a babysitter tax like you had in years past.

Dustin missed you ruffling his hair and eating his candy and he didn’t try to hide it when his eyes began to tear up watching Billy awkwardly take the pile of candy and ruffling the kids hair, it was the first time they’d ever been without you for halloween and it’d felt wrong to not have you there, telling them which houses were the best and talking about what party you and Billy were heading to after.

You had always crinkled as you walked, the wrappers in your pocket giving away your candy theft, your lips and mouth always a bright red.

By the time their final year of trick or treating came around, there was always a pile of your favorite that Billy ultimately took and along the way cherry wasn’t his favorite flavor anymore, strawberry was, cherry just didn’t taste as good anymore.

***

“My house, my couch, my spot.” It was hard logic to argue with, it was his house and it was his couch but they’d been banking on you having softened up Billy around the edges, when it was just you hosting the movie night spots had always been first come first serve, even with the pillows and blankets the littered the floor everyone had scrambled for a spot on the couches and chairs, not wanting to sit on the floor for several hours, you’d made sure you did your best and kept everyone comfy, but for yourself, you were always just content to lay against your boyfriend.

Dustin and Lucas protested the most, the former appealing to your babysitter side, Lucas tried bargaining with Billy saying he was basically family since he was dating Max and should be able to squeeze onto the couch with you three, you spent the whole time on Billy’s lap so there should be room for him too. “You Shit birds can sit on the ground, Max too. We need the room to stretch.”

“Great, Lucas, now we both have to sit on the floor” With a roll of her eye Max slid to the ground, her back pressed to the couch and knees turned away from a now apologetic Lucas, her lips twitching into a smile against her will when he offered her the last Reese’s as a show of remorse, Mike arguing in the background that Lucas hadn’t left any for any of the others.

“This is why we need a movie night with just the guys, all the couples ruin it!” Dustin chucked a throw pillow at you, Billy just managing to smack it away when it nearly nailed him instead. The warning stare he got had him turning around and crossing his arms over his chest, peeved but knowing better than to say anything else.

“Dustin, you act like you wouldn't be acting the same way if Suzie was here, we haven’t forgotten your rendition of Never ending Story.” Dustin smacked your leg when you nudged the hat from his head with a sock covered foot, the beginning of the song being hummed by you and earning you another smack to your leg.

“Can we just start the movie now.” The shared grin between yourself and Max a foreshadowing of the teasing to come if Dustin didn’t redirect the conversation now, he could only hear your off pitch singing so often and having been driven here by you and Billy he felt he’d suffered enough for the next week. No one should love Elton John as much as you did, the lyrics of I’m still standing embedded into his memory.

“Yeah, yeah. What’d you guys swindle from Steve this week?” You scooted into pace on Billy’s lap, head resting on his shoulder, arms winding around him, ready to watch whatever movie they’d convinced Steve to let them ‘borrow’ from the store for the night.

“We got die hard! They just got it in.”

“Mike, Die hard isn’t a Christmas movie.” You’d only heard about the movie and with what you’d learned of it not only was it not a Christmas movie, but it wasn’t one for kids, or at least it wouldn't have been if they hadn’t already seen worse.

“It takes place on Christmas, it’s totally a Christmas movie.” This time you shoved Dustin with your foot knocking him into the peacefully observing Will, both shouting ‘Hey!’ At you.

“It is not.” Not that you ended up really paying any attention, you’d found Billy’s lips to be far more entertaining than the actual film, catching bits and pieces of it when the kids would chuck popcorn at you, telling you that you were missing all the good stuff.

***

When the headaches got the addition of dizziness, falling down the stairs and stumbling across sidewalks, Billy had quite literally dragged you to the doctors for an answer, the development of your two left feet painting your skin in a series of unfortunate purples and blues. The nausea of the room swaying wreaking havoc on your appetite and ability to keep food down.

You got your answer soon enough, Post concussion syndrome, it was a problem that could last for a few weeks, but shouldn’t last longer than a few months, you would be fine in time. Nothing to worry about.

The reassurance was enough to sate both Billy’s worries as well as you own, you were tough enough to deal with this for awhile.

***

Movie nights were held at the Byers now, without you Billy and Steve never remembered to make sure there were pillows and blankets for everyone or what snacks were everyone's current favorite. It took a few cramped nights of discomfort at your apartment, trying to keep the tradition alive and as familiar as they could for the sake of your memory,but the venue was quickly changed to somewhere more comfortable, it was just never quite the same. No amount of pillows filled the room the way you’re teasing and jokes had.

The argument of whether Die hard was a Christmas movie was had every year, the sides evenly split with who stood where on the issue, the large group crowding the aisles of the movie store while they picked their choices for their holiday movie marathon, voting on three movies to spend the day watching in between decorating Christmas cookies and sledding.

Every year, of the three choices, Die hard was played.

***

Whether it was intentional or some weird habit, you’d always tap a pattern into Billy’s skin when he was worked up, a repetitive pattern of numbers. You never acknowledged it, or really looked at him when you did it, eyes on whatever you’d been focused on prior or closed and content with resting as you did.

5,4,3,2,1

4,3,2,1

3,2,1

2,1

1,2

1,2,3

1,2,3,4,5

It’d taken him a while to actually realize you were doing it, so caught up in whatever argument or nightmare he was having that the tapping of your skin against his was lost, blurred by a flurry of emotions, be they anger or fear. You were always the first thing to break through, the rhythmic pattern grounding him in whatever situation he’d gone blind to, the gentle warmth and reassurance helping him refocus on his body and in turn his breathing.

“I’m good, babydoll.” Your tapping turned to two firm pats against his arm, your smile enough to melt the remaining tension from his shoulders, you knew Billy had a hard time voicing his emotions still, and physical touch was easily his love language, yours personally being words of affirmation made a barrier that had taken you some time to work around.

“Do you want to go back to sleep? It’s only 2:30 in the morning.”

“Yeah.” Billy settled back under the blankets and waited for you to take your place on his chest, he didn’t think he’d get the chance to go back to sleep, not with the way his heart was still racing and the chill of the Mindflayers memory crept into the deepest parts of his bones, cooling him in a way he always swore he’d never warm up from, visions from the nightmare that had startled him awake still dancing across the backs of his eyelids each and every time he closed them.

“I love you Billy, good night.”

“Love you too.” Accepting a night of restlessness Billy stared at the spinning fan on your ceiling,the blades doing little to cool the room but feeling almost arctic to his flushed skin, the bright red numbers of the alarm clock illuminating the room and seemingly unchanging even with the dragging of time.

The clock only read 2:35 when he next checked it, despite it feeling like thirty minutes had easily passed, and suddenly the thought of staying here for another four hours made Billy’s skin crawl, a trapped feeling prickling along his skin and eliciting a need to flee from a situation that didn’t exist, his very body begging him to run.

5,4,3,2,1

Your eyes hadn’t opened and your breath was still slow and steady when your fingers began to tap against his ribs.

4,3,2,1

Billy waited with baited breath hoping you’d fall asleep, with the headaches you’d been getting you needed all the rest you could get and he didn't want to be the reason you were kept up.

3,2,1

A tightness he hadn’t realized had made a home in his chest began to unwind, the breath he didn't know he’d been holding leaving him in a heavy sigh.

2,1

With each deep breath his eyes felt heavier, the pressure of you on his body and the rhythm of your skin against his lulling him to sleep.

Billy was asleep by time the clock reached 2:45 am

***

The nightmares didn’t feel as present as they used to, muted by time and space from the actual events, his body no longer falling into fight or flight with each glance of the Mindflayer his mind presented to him at night.

They weren’t easy though, his skin still drenched in sweat and his breaths were heaving from a fight he hadn’t had to deal with since the summer of ‘86, his sleep muddled mind taking awhile to process that he was home, alone and safe in bed free from monster and things that went bump in the night. On nights like these, he found it hard to fall back asleep, watching the clock tick the minutes of his night away, his eyelids heavy and his eyes aching but sleep refusing to take him.

Billy found tapping the sheets on your side of the bed helped, the patten or 5,4,3,2,1 one mixed with your perfume spritzed on the sheets an effective treatment to his insomnia. The warmth it lacked wasn’t something he’d been able to recreate again, despite his best efforts.

***

Spring rolled around the same time your confusion began, alarm clocks weren’t set, keys were lost and important events forgotten. Things you’d both written off as stress with the approach of tourist season and both of your jobs picking up as you prepped for sight-seers and visiting families, stuff could easily be missed or forgotten between shifts and headache naps.

Your few months of Post Concussion Syndrome should have passed and Doctors could only offer the reassurance that some people took longer to heal than others, you were managing and healthy enough and all you could do was give it time and to keep yourself taken care of.

Things had taken a turn for the worse after a small fall on a wet floor at your work, you’d bump into a vending machine and had hit your head pretty good. It wasn’t anything to worry about, you’d definitely taken some worse blows to your head over your years of monster hunting and both you and Billy had written it off, going about your days and moving on, accidents happened.

People began to worry when you forgot which apartment was yours, Steve had found you sitting in your car outside of your apartment complex, staring dazed at the building with an underlying frustration lining your features, puzzling over something he didn’t understand. When he’d approached your car you startled easily but responded to his greeting, he’d helped you grab the groceries from your car and watched as you stopped and looked between the first floor and the second, the same look of frustration scrunching up your features until Steve began to head up the stairs to your apartment, you trailing behind after a moment of hesitation.

Steve bought your excuse of being tired when he questioned if you were feeling ok and helped you begin to pack away the groceries, it was a believable excuse, your job was hard and had demanding hours, staring with the frozen stuff your best friend grabbed the container of Strawberry Ice cream you’d gotten, the movement causing the insides to slosh around.

Your place was only a five minute drive from the store, how could the ice cream be so melted?

Your headaches stayed and your confusion increased, food was going untouched or left on counters and stoves were being left on,conversations were dropped mid-sentence or redirected to completely unrelated topics, names were forgotten and faces gone from your memory before they could ever set into your brain. Doctors offered no real help, it must be another concussion from your fall at work, just give it time and you’d be yourself.

Healing took time you didn’t end up having and as the first heat waves of summer of the following year rolled in you had been long gone and the group struggled to adjust to your lack of presence. Your bright smile and genuine affection for all of the group missed even a full year later, they’d lost a lot of people along their journey but somehow you sat heaviest in their minds, the way they’d lost you was different, even if the damage had been caused by the events of the upside down.

Billy can’t help when his mind wanders now, to how it might have been easier if he’d lost you all at once, or even entirely, the pieces of you he’d been left with almost too painful to enjoy. Watching you tap your leg in that same pattern with an absent look on your face, eyes glazed and unfocused ripping at a part of Billy he’d thought he’d lost long ago.

“It’s nice to meet you. What’s your name?” Your smile, at the very least, was something he’d never lose.

@boomhauer 💕

More or less, brain swelling and damage from the battles took reader in a cruel and unusual way.

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove angst #billy hargrove x y/n #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove x reader #billy

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corvosdaughter · 4 months

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curious about your doto thoughts. i only played it once and reasonably enjoyed it (if anything, i had more issues w dh2) so im interested to read about your experience

sure thing!

first off i want to be absolutely clear that this rant is 100% petty. doto didn't, like, burn down my crops or (to my knowledge) influence any kind of shitty trend or real world harm. i don't have issues with gameplay, art etc which are ultimately bigger draws in the series. and the story was straightforward and mostly internally consistent, so ignoring the prior games, even that could be worse. but despite arkane claiming it worked as a standalone, much of the narrative's weight DOES rely on previous games. so i think it is fair to measure it up against previously established aspects of the series, and find it wanting.

when i saw promo material i thought the concept was... flawed. to be exact, i mean the idea of a) daud and billie going to b) kill the outsider because c) he's responsible for the awful shit in the world. any one or two of those points wouldn't have given me pause, but all three together seemed pretty contradictory to what we knew about the setting and the characters.

the outsider isn't responsible for the awful shit in the world. he just isn't. i do not think the previous games could possibly have emphasised this more. his direct actions are giving a handful of people magic powers and some hints, but what those are and how they are used (IF they are used) are shown to be completely reflective of the individuals both in story and gameplay. the average person in the empire is not affected by the existence of the marked at all. there is no evil magocracy. the closest thing, delilah's reign, is a takeover of the entrenched power structure and it can be defeated with the protagonist's own outsider-given abilities.

gangs, corruption, police states, religious control, wealth inequality, spreading of disease - these are the real issues that the citizens of dunwall and karnaca face daily, and they are completely independent of the outsider. time and time again we see that casting him as the source of society's ills is a hollow excuse for the perpetrators; it's exactly what the abbey does as it kidnaps children and murders "heretics". as a player, why would i think about killing the outsider when there are so many rotten institutions right there? it's even worse when dh2 portrays him as a historical murder victim himself, who seems to prefer it when people don't abuse their powers, even if he cynically expects they will.

and no one should know more about human choice than daud, post his dlcs. like, his entire character arc was realising that whatever the outsider gave him, he alone was responsible for his actions, so he must bear the consequences. it all comes down to his canonical low-chaos speech in dh1, after seeing corvo deliberately NOT slaughter his way through life: "you took a path i could have followed, but did not... you choose mercy. extraordinary." we are given every reason to believe his desire to retire peacefully is earnest and something he follows through on. the story's premise would be cheapened if he didn't.

as i see it, the key theme of dh1, its dlcs and dh2 is that, while privilege may blind and power may corrupt, there is always the choice to do better, and it is often the harder choice. and look, i think the doto writers may have been trying to expand on that. what about the root causes of privilege and power? who draws the lines? who can best try to take the system down, and what happens when they do? fair questions! but doto looks for the answers in all the wrong places, and so is at odds with the other games instead of in conversation with them.

it's kind of perfect that doto is so resolute in downplaying agency, really. if you're going to ignore the details of the stories you're building on, why not go the whole hog and make your message completely antithetical to theirs.

billie is the player character, but she is not in charge. she pretty much just goes along with whatever daud says, though she's not his young protegee anymore, and she had plenty of autonomy back when she was. there's so much focus on what daud's done and his mission and his angst about how he turned her into a killer and she's the one who has to carry out this job because he's dying etc. when they first reunite he asserts that he knew she'd come find him. because her life is supposed to revolve around him, i guess? ugh. a sprinkle of sentimentality is fine and even heartwarming, like the writers intended it to be, but to have it as The Story in this way just gives the impression that she's little more than an extension of him.

sure, you CAN technically question daud's idea of the outsider's culpability at the end, but 1) daud's dead and 2) the conversation goes straight back to whether the outsider should die for what it's asserted he's done. anyway, one argument in favour of saving him is "this wasn't his choice, he never asked for this power" lmao. it's just like how billie's void powers are forced on her (in an awfully uncharacteristic fashion by the outsider, i might add) and we're not supposed to worry too much about any carnage she causes with them.

the chaos system was one of the most interesting ways to deal with the violence = bad problem in violent video games. in doing away with it, doto pays lip service to the idea by having daud and billie wallow in guilt about their pasts, but there are no external consequences that might prompt actual introspection and a change in behaviour for them and the player. this means if you slaughter entire buildings of people, it's no biggie, nothing changes, never mind the fact that the story is trying to pose some ethical questions about murder. it also means daud is extremely annoying the whole way through. but hey - it's totally compatible with the theme that choices don't matter that much.

yet for something that's trying to be so different from its predecessors, i do think that doto relies a little heavily on nostalgia. if you aren't attached to the characters at the start, i doubt the game comes close to the emotional peaks it does otherwise. the narrated splashes aren't gonna do it alone - imagine if dh1's prologue didn't let you play with emily and simply told us that corvo looked after the empress' daughter - and there's not much character development throughout. i was definitely moved at times, i'm not going to pretend i wasn't! but often i felt it was despite the execution, not because of it.

also, "black-eyed bastard" was said way too much.

another issue was that i felt a lot of the script was written and delivered in a manner that wants to make you go "hmm, how thought-provoking", but the questions raised are never explored or answered meaningfully. even the ending is a stubbornly vague "i don't know..." i got a little sad when i noticed just how often potentially meaty bits of dialogue were redirected. it made those moments come across as insincere and non-committal even if they sounded good on their own. as an example, mid-game billie asks "is the outsider to blame for what we did? does corruption come from the void or from our own hearts?" then keeps talking about her plans to kill him. if she'd instead reflected on who was responsible for her current actions, even if there was no firm conclusion, i could believe that the story was trying to have a genuine discussion about the blame game that we could learn something from. but it's not that deep :(

overall i just feel like doto tried to take Cool parts of dishonored without always considering all the details that made them Good. a gruff assassin who has beef with god is a cool character, but he's a good character because of the specific arc he went through, and the version that shows up in doto is even less self aware than the one at the start of dh1; billie is cool because of her badass checkered past, but she is complex because her desire to be part of something bigger often conflicts with her independence and businesslike practicality, characteristics that doto doesn't really touch on; the outsider is cool as the powerful inhabitant of a supernatural dimension, but it's the distance from his devilish portrayal in the empire that makes him unique and interesting.

on a meta level, i've never seen anyone indicate a dislike of the outsider as a character, and to me the implications of his existence in the void is the most iconic part of the worldbuilding. killing OR removing him means arkane gives up the easiest, most sensible way to make a future dh game feel like Dishonored. it might never happen, but why close that particular door?* there was lots of speculation that the game was tying up the series for the forseeable future, which was probably true, but simply closing off the kaldwin era would have been enough for that. plus a smaller scope would also have been better for a small game. cosmic upheaval really deserves more gravity than doto was able to give.

what alternatives do i think might have worked? well, going back to the three points i mentioned earlier:

not centred on daud and billie, aim is still to kill the outsider who is believed to be responsible for everything - maybe a particularly zealous young overseer tries to actually do something about the outsider

centred on daud and billie, aim is not to kill the outsider, who is believed to be responsible for everything - maybe they can bring about the downfall of the abbey for good

centred on daud and billie, aim is to kill the outsider, who is not believed to be responsible for everything - maybe they have to reluctantly mercy kill the outsider for some void-related reason, or save him from someone else trying to assassinate him.

could work with any concept (i.e. i totally thought this would happen) - either billie or daud replaces the outsider in the void.

i did have issues with dh2 as well, and honestly they laid the groundwork for much of what i didn't like about doto. while i think the series always has fantastic incidental writing (whatever the collective word is for audiographs, journals etc.) the main stories have never been masterpieces, and dh2's attempt to lean more into character study wasn't super successful imo. to make some characters more sympathetic they sanded off some awesome unpleasant edges - why sokolov of all people got sad-dadified i'm still puzzled by. there's a lot more exposition. i preferred the more detached outsider from dh1. some references to dh1 and the dlcs were too fanservicey for my taste. but i think the biggest hint of things to come was the time travel mechanic - the focus was clearly "this will be really cool to play" and not "this is going to open a huge can of worms on the narrative level which we should try to address thoughtfully", the same way priorities probably were when it came to doto's "kill a god" setup. i get it, they're video games, not books. but this is how you get the insanity that IS the dishonored books. lol.

* i'm not counting deathloop as a dh game, and i haven't played it, but i read that the connections to the dh universe are more than just a couple of easter eggs. imo that does neither any favours - the dh timeline gets boxed in, and it makes deathloop look like its developers don't have faith in it as a standalone ip.

#sorry for the wait!#dishonored #zann talks #ask #tl;dr: He Would Not Fucking Say That

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herefortayloronly · 1 year

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Disclaimer: I wrote this two weeks ago when I was really mad. But I still want to post it because I think it’s a still a valid criticism.

I think the main reason why the show having Billy resent his family and initiating the kiss with Daisy (to be clear I have no issue with the kiss itself) make me so upset is because without Billy’s love for him family he has nothing else. He’s just another reckless rock star who gives zero shit about his family. (He might as well be Mick Riva - for those of you who know the TJR universe). Like these people are just caricatures of real life people in the 70s only caring about drugs and sex and partying. Which many would argue that’s literally what the book is but I disagree. Billy (and daisy and everyone else) was more than that. And because of what they’re doing on the show, consequently it has me not liking whatever they’re doing with Daisy and Billy. Billy’s love for Camila informs his love for Daisy. Without his love for Camila, his love for Daisy means nothing. He's just another rockstar guy who cheated on his wife because he's a fucking asshole. The reason why he loves Camila sooo deeply is because he can see what his life would be like if he was with Daisy; reckless, out of control and not good.

"We used to fight like that." I take issue with this line. No Camila and Billy never fought like "that." Camila is suppose to be his anchor. She is his AURORA!!!!! (Something that was completely brush over in the show). Did Billy and Camila have issues? Yes. But that doesn't mean they fought like Billy and Daisy. The show is trying to say Daisy can replace Camila but that's not true. Only Camila brings out the good in Billy. That's the reason why he went to rehab. She is the reason why he got his shit together for his kid(s). Camila is the reason why he wrote Aurora. What’s the point of him going to rehab? What’s the point of showing his awful relationship with his father in that first episode? If it wasn’t to show later, after missing the birth of his daughter, that he’s gonna change?? Like I said, he might as well just be any other rockstar.

That one simple change ruins the whole integrity of the character therefore the entire story.

Also not trying to get copyrighted here but heres a snippet of Billy and Camila from the book.

People trying to convince me that "they were all on drugs!! They don't remember everything! They were lying! Of course they didn't want to admit it to their daughter that bad stuff happened" like those excuses don't work for me because it's not about them misremembering things or telling half truths. The characters feel hollow to me. They're just empty one dimensional characters, especially Billy, without their integrity and values. People have their own opinions and interpretations of everything. If they truly believe that the characters are lying and telling half truths during the interview and what we’re seeing on screen is the “real” story then that's fine. It just doesn't work for me. It feels like a cop-out. It feels like a classic writer's cliché "it was all just a dream" to explain away why people acted so out of character or why some plots don't make sense.

All in all, my biggest issue is Billy's character assassination. I think they really butchered this character which consequentially ruin his relationship with Daisy and Camila on the show. I don’t have issues with changes between the source material and its adaptation but when you completely ignore the essence of the story then it’s not an adaptation. You just borrowed these characters name and wrote new characters. And let me be clear, I LOVE BILLY IN THE BOOK. i have no issues with flawed messy people. I just have issues with the translation on the screen. Also I have issues with Daisy on the show too but I'm not ready to critique that yet so tbd.

#i want to caveat this with #I’m not talking about the little interview segments #i can barely remember what is said during those segments #I’m strictly talking about what I see the characters doing on screen #daisy jones and the six spoilers #daisy jones and the six

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alostlittleriverlotus · 2 years

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spoilers for season 4 of stranger things. Discussing ableism and other problematic bs with stranger things. I am an angry person.

Just finished stranger things season 4. And I'm so mad. I related WAY too hard to Henry. I just.

And him telling Max "people don't think about killing others." At first I was like upset, but then I realized. Henry was probably told that. Max said it, but that felt so odd to have to say to her to make her upset. Henry, a killer in canon, is lying by saying that to her. He's probably been told that. By doctors, by his mother. I just. I hate what this season did to him. I hate the ableism in the show and the fandom. I hate the problematic nature of this show. I hate those scenes with Lucas and Erica. I hate the fact they filmed in a fucking Nazi prison. What the actual fuck. Everything is just so God damn disrespectful. I'm finished with the season and I'm not even sure if I care about what has to come next. Cause wow. Just wow.

Also yeah, Eddie was heroic, but that death was fucking dumb. Like. Killing him off. They never ever kill off main cast, just the side characters they throw in the season like Billy, Eddie, whoever else I can't remember, Bob. I just hate it. The closest they came to killing a main character is with Max and even then, she has a chance to live. And all the ableism surrounding the fact that Max could be disabled and blind if she lives and "they should have just killed her off." No.

I hate the ships. Nancy and Steve are not going to work out, like come on, not everyone in love should end up together. I don't like Mike and El cause they both have their issues and I just...they don't fit. Mike is too in his own stuff and El was too in her own stuff.

I hate that the normal stuff was thrown away in this season. Like wow nothing ever came of the normal bullying or normal problems.

Having Lucas call Jason a raging psychopath was fucking disgusting. I was so ready to have him tell Jason off and then he just says that. Like fucking wow. Implying the one that is threatening and murderous and nearly kills Lucas (not even mentioning the fucking shocking nature of him pulling a gun on Lucas as well as the other sport guy fucking TACKLING Erica) is a "psychopath." Like fuck off.

Will is precious and I love Dustin. They're both good.

Oh no, Henry's thinking is scary. Oh scary and bad. Also using a monster to portray mental illness and trauma, but then having that monster be a traumatized neurodivergent person specifically autistic and ASPD is fucking bullshit.

I just. This season tried and it fauled. It presents itself as a good season with great directing and such, but the story and writing is all bs and of course it's a super problematic show. I've barely listed the shit and not gone in depth about it.

Also it felt like the show kept fighting between Brenner bad, but Brenner can be good, Henry bad, Henry villain. All that fucking shit. It wasn't even clear. And I love that they made Robin autistic, but it just felt like they shoved in some of the autistic traits in random scenes. Or like they just took some autism info and shoved it onto her (at points, not overall.) It's like Robin was the quirky autistic, El was the weird autistic, and Henry was the big scary autistic. And I hate it. It doesn't feel like representation. It doesn't feel like it at all. You can't have some celebration of Robin or acceptance of her being autistic and it be shown as good when you demonize the traits of Henry being autistic. I headcanon Robin has learned she's autistic and is unmasking because it makes sense to me and reminds me of when I started "acting more autistic" too. So this isn't a rant on Robin being autistic or anything, this is about how the show portrays it and points out autistic traits rather than just letting her be autistic. It does remind me of us that have realized we are actually autistic and we "act more autistic" basically. So I will accept that headcanon even though I don't have faith in the writers.

Just everything makes me mad that I can't even enjoy the story. I can't enjoy it at all. Like it just gets worse and worse. And the fandom is hell. Just fucking do better. I don't know how to end this but just, fucking do better.

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one-sadistic-bitch · 2 years

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The Murkoff Account comics (and Outlast 2 by extension) have absolutely no relevance to the original story of Outlast

and here’s why:

Content Warning

I am, of course, mainly going to discuss Trager’s storyline here, but it does also raise questions about the overall structure and timeline of Outlast as well.

My issue begins here

There’s a lot of information packed into this little paragraph.

First, it acknowledges that Trager has been apparently having “blood dreams.” In a different document, we are given information that suggests these dreams are Rick experiencing “Psychopathological Proximity Stress Disorder (PPSD).”

It’s my belief that this is referring to proximity to the morphogenic engine and/or it’s patients, rather than patients in general, since the psychosomatic pregnancies prove that the engine can affect people by proximity alone.

Secondly, Billy incriminates Trager by suggesting that the “blood dreams” are were he learned classified information. (This also explains that the morphogenic engine can connect people’s minds which is SUPER cool)

Thirdly, the last sentence expresses Murkoff’s newfound distrust for Rick. “(Note: the only Trager on company records, one Richard Trager, is an executive from M.R.D.) All orderlies and security personnel must be questioned and video security improved to include analytical biometrics.”

We all know what happens when you fuck with Murkoff secrets, cue the Trager email:

I may be biased, but to me, this all obviously points to Rick being admitted to Mount Massive because Murkoff knew that he either leaked information to Billy or was experiencing the engine’s negative effects, making him a liability either way. Murkoff’s no tolerance style would prove even more callous, tossing their own “brass” executive into the engine to protect their secrets.

That is simply the back story that was laid out for us, what comes next is the inconsistencies, the good part. I could go on for days about how Rick and Jeremy in the comics are NOTHING like Rick and Jeremy on the games as far as characters go, but I digress. Let’s talk about the obvious one:

This email proves that Rick and Jeremy (as well as Murkoff as a whole) were aware of the psychosomatic pregnancies before the events of the game (2010 and after). This starkly opposes the comics, which depict the company becoming aware of these pregnancies in 2012. This also implies that both Rick and Jeremy hadn’t been working at the Mount Massive location for very long, a maximum of 3 years, probably less. This means the “blood dreams” would have been new for Trager as he was only recently exposed to the morphogenic engine.

Yet again, in a separate document, a lawsuit over termination of female employees in 2010 is described:

Here it is, clear as day, “Female employees were

moved to higher floors in the facility, then to

other buildings, and eventually entirely off of

the Mount Massive facility.” IN 2010!!!

At the time of Trager’s depictions in The Murkoff Account, Murkoff should have been WELL aware of the psychosomatic pregnancies and all female employees should have been OUT of the Mount Massive facility. The events, at the very least for Trager’s chapter, in the comics should not have even been possible in the Outlast universe.

The events of the comics as a whole, dare I say, are not where the story of Outlast was originally intended to go, the foreshadowing makes that clear. This story could have been deep and emotional, and showed a real reason for Rick to seek revenge against the other Murkoff executives, but it was twisted and cheapened somewhere along the line.

The morphogenic engine was supposed to draw out and magnify the darker parts of Rick’s personality (AKA his unexplored medical curiosities), manifesting as dreams where he likely experimented on patients and other employees in a very gruesome way. It would have been so investing to see his decent into madness and watch how the dynamic between he and Jeremy changed along the way, until he was ultimately admitted, in an actual cruel and unjust way. Betrayed by the company that he was committed to. (I explore some of this in my fic ;))

This one of many examples, but this is who Trager is supposed to be! As Redbarrels has said before, he’s witty, cunning, and calculated. He might talk like a business school douchebag, but he is far from stupid or impulsive.

Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the way The Black Frog designed pre-engine Rick’s appearance

It’s fitting and charming, yet it still subverts your expectations, showing just how much Mount Massive and the engine really fucked him up.

But the story writing? Garbage. Inconsistent. Tasteless.

In short, what Outlast has become is not what Outlast was supposed to be or what it should have been.

Personally, I really believe the story was altered in an effort to make it as shocking and appalling as possible; I understand that this is an Outlast “thing,” but I also believe that the shock and disgust factor shouldn’t be the only thing you have. It has to WORK and lately I feel that it hasn’t been working in Outlast. After a certain point (lord they’re gonna tear me apart for this one) sole reliance on shock factor just starts to feel lazy. I want a horror game to be suspenseful and terrifying, not to repeatedly make me ask, “Wow, they really put THAT in the game???” Keep in mind that I LOVE Outlast and Redbarrels, this is just what I feel has happened to the series personally. I would have loved to see it unfold with more depth, but hey, it’s not my story to write.

I understand that some people like the retconned story better and that’s FINE. Not everything is made to be enjoyed by everyone and just because I don’t like something, doesn’t mean that you can’t. I just personally feel like I’m not much of an Outlast fan anymore, I’m just a fan of some characters they created.

That’s is why I don’t even pay mind to the comics. Thanks for the cool character design, I’ll be leaving now.

If you want me to discuss my opinions on how clumsily serious topics such as date r*pe we’re handled in the comics (happens a lot in Outlast actually), let me know. I didn’t want to include that here because I feel like it requires a better warning and I don’t want to do it if people don’t want it.

#here we are #go ahead #eat me alive #outlast #richard trager #rick trager #team rick #outlast whistleblower #outlast trinity #redbarrels #jeremy blaire #the murkoff account #murkoff #mount massive asylum

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daresplaining · 2 years

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Hi there! Do you know of any particularly good Daredevil comics panels featuring Steve Rogers or Tony Stark, or even just... general DD comics where they show up so I can do the research myself? One of my best fandom friends for decades is huge into comics Steve/Tony and has been sending me every great Iron Man panel with Matt and/or Foggy in it, and I'd very much like to return the favor. I want our comics to make friends too. :D

I love that, and I can absolutely give you some panels and issues! Rather than showing full appearances, I’ll provide samples; you and your friend should check out the full issues. Click the link (this got long)...

Let’s start with Steve, who has had quite a few Daredevil cameos, starting in Daredevil Volume 1 #43. This is an issue-long fight (which I covered in this post), so have your friend check out the whole thing. Here’s a sample, featuring Steve getting embarrassed:

[ID: A panel from Lee’s Daredevil run. Captain America is sitting in one corner of a boxing ring, holding his shield, while an announcer in the center of the ring addresses an off-panel crowd. Another man is looking over Steve’s shoulder from just outside the ring.]

Announcer: “Preeeeeesenting-- the world-famous Star-Spangled Avenger! A man who has become a living legend in his own time!”

Steve: “If this wasn’t for charity, I’d call it off! That screeching sob-sister’s embarrassing me!”

Man: “Don’t worry, Cap-- he’ll wear ‘imself out sooner or later!”

Daredevil vol. 1 #43 by Stan Lee, Gene Colan, Vince Colletta, and Artie Simek

The next chunk of issues I’ll point out are Daredevil volume 1 #155-157. This is an exciting little story arc in which Matt gets a concussion and beats up the Champions. Cap doesn’t have a huge presence, but it’s still worth checking out.

[ID: In the background of the first panel, Captain America, Black Widow, and Hercules are gathered above Beast, who is unconscious on the ground. In the foreground is one of Daredevil’s legs. Captain America throws his shield at him.]

Steve: “Look out! The Beast’s down! But whoever that is, lurking in the shadows-- will answer to Captain America!”

[ID: Daredevil, still mostly in shadow, catches the spinning shield on the end of his billy club and sends it back toward Steve.]

Daredevil vol. 1 #155 by Roger McKenzie, Frank Robbins, Frank Springer, Bob Sharen, and Denise Wohl

This next one-- Daredevil volume 1 #233-- is a must-read. It’s a great issue in a great story arc, and has some absolutely superb Steve moments (Tony also has a tiny-but-neat cameo in this one). Here’s our guy very politely breaking the chain of command.

[ID: Captain America is standing next to a soldier in an elevator.]

Soldier: “Ground floor, sir?”

Steve: “Not just yet. Sub level six. The vault.”

Soldier: “Sir-- you aren’t cleared-- I can’t--”

[ID: Steve casually slaps him.]

Steve: “Yes, Corporal.”

Daredevil vol. 1 #233 by Frank Miller, David Mazzucchelli, Max Scheele, and Joe Rosen

Jumping forward, here is another excellent, Cap-heavy issue, this time from Nocenti’s run. In this stand-alone story, Matt and Steve do their best to protect an undocumented immigrant with a miraculous invention from being deported. Partway through the story, they have a somber conversation on tyranny and oppression in the US that I would say is probably essential reading for Captain America fans.

[ID: A nighttime panel of Steve standing outside, in front of the lit window of a house. He is grimacing, and his fists are out to his sides as he gestures while speaking.]

Steve: “How can they expect me to continue to wear the flag of a country that does such things? When Thomas Paine wrote Common Sense-- a book that helped inspire the American Revolution-- it was a call to throw off the tyranny of a monarchy, to get rid of the elite ruling class! And they did it! America gained her independence! But did she? Sometimes I think all we did was replace king and crown with the royal aristocracy of the corporate elite. Man is still tyrannized-- by the corporate kings.”

Daredevil vol. 1 #283 by Ann Nocenti, Mike Bagley, Christie Scheele, Clem Robins, et al.

For thoroughness, I will also mention that Cap plays a key role in Daredevil #326-332, a tech thriller story arc called “Tree of Knowledge”. A lot of Daredevil (well, superhero comics in general) from this period was of less-than-great quality, art-wise at least, and I don’t think there are any particularly excellent Cap panels, but it’s worth checking out. I did a post on a tiny bit of it here.

Moving on to Volume 2, I recommend checking out #65. This was the big 50th anniversary issue, and consists of several short stories, including a really nice one featuring a conversation between Matt and Steve. The issue came out soon after Matt’s secret identity had been leaked to the press, and so their conversation covers Matt’s misgivings and Steve’s advice on how to cope with this kind of upheaval.

[ID: Panels showing Matt and Steve standing together in an isolated wooded area. Matt is in civvies, Steve is mask-less but wearing the Captain America shirt under a black jacket.]

Steve: “I know it doesn’t feel this way now, but in my experience, these things happen for a reason. Whatever this is, there is a reason for it. You’ll find out what and-and I wouldn’t be surprised if it ends up being... well, I don’t know, maybe it’s for the best.”

[ID: Steve sticks his hand out. Matt looks surprised. He shakes it.]

Matt: “I didn’t fancy you such a fatalist, Captain.”

Daredevil vol. 2 #65 by Brian Michael Bendis, P. Craig Russell, Justin Ponsor, Randy Gentile, et al.

Sadly, that’s pretty much it for Volume 2, but fortunately Volume 3 made up for it by giving us one of my favorite Cap vs. DD fights of all time, in Vol. 3 #2.

[ID: A panel showing a nighttime rooftop from above. Daredevil is crouched along the edge of the roof, the Captain America shield tucked under his arm. In the foreground and above, seen from behind, Captain America is standing on a ladder on the side of a water tower, holding one of Daredevil’s billy clubs. The air is filled with radar chaff (something that looks like green confetti).]

Matt (caption): “I recognize the heartbeat. There’s not another one like it in the world. It beats like a Sousa march.”

Steve: “Daredevil.”

Daredevil vol. 3 #2 by Mark Waid, Paolo Rivera, Joe Rivera, Javier Rodriguez, and Joe Caramagna

In this issue, Matt has just return to New York after the events of “Shadowland”-- in which he got possessed by a demon and terrorized the city. He’s all better now, but Steve needs to be sure, and tries to take him in. A short but gorgeous fight follows. Again, I’ve blogged about this issue before, but check out the whole thing if you or your friend have not read it yet.

We’re jumping volumes again, just so I can point out Daredevil vol. 5 #4. It doesn’t have a ton of Steve in it, but it’s notable because it took place during the Old Steve Era, a period during which he reverted to his chronological age and became an old man.

The last issue I’m going to point out is actually a team-up one-shot: Daredevil and Captain America: Dead on Arrival.

[ID: Several humanoid robots are strewn across a reflective maroon floor, behind two pairs of booted feet. The next panel shows that the feet belong to Captain America and Nick Fury, talking together in an otherwise empty steel-walled room.]

Fury: “Practicing night-fighting, are you?”

Steve: “Wasn’t quite dark enough.”

Fury: “This is how you spend your time when you’re on duty here at Avengers HQ?”

Steve: “Actually, I’m filling in for Tony. It’s his slot. He had an emergency meeting with his board of directors, and I owed him one. You’re not one for social calls, so why don’t we cut the idle chit-chat and show all our hole cards. I like to hear the worst news first. Saves the useless suspense.”

Daredevil & Captain America: Dead on Arrival by Tito Faraci, Claudio Villa, Alexandra Hain-Cole, Larry Hama, and Dave Sharpe

This is a neat one-shot, in which Matt and Steve have to take down a vengeful, time-traveling Death Stalker.

Now for some Shellhead! Compiling this made me realize how criminally few appearances Tony Stark has had in Daredevil comics. He and Matt have teamed up a bunch of times, and even fought a few, but almost never in the pages of DD. He does have a few nice cameos, though, starting in Volume 1 #204, in which he appears in civvies and gets drunk at one of Foggy and Debbie Harris’s high society parties. For some context, this issue came out five years after the famous “Demon in a Bottle” Iron Man arc:

[ID: A completely disheveled, unshaven Tony Stark stumbles through a doorway, holding a wine glass. He sees Daredevil confronting a bad guy.]

Tony: “Fight... super hero fighting... I can help...’m a super hero too...”

Matt: “Stark! Get out of here!”

Daredevil vol. 1 #204 by Denny O’Neil, Luke McDonnell, Danny Bulandini, Bob Sharen, and Joe Rosen

Jumping ahead, he has a very cool cameo in Volume 3 #15, one of my all-time favorite Daredevil story arcs. Matt, trapped in Latveria and trying to escape Dr. Doom’s clutches while nanobots in his brain are shutting down his senses, manages to activate his Avengers ID card to call for help. Tony arrives just in time to rescue him.

[ID: It’s nighttime and pouring rain. Iron Man lifts Daredevil bridal-style while two uniformed Latverian soldiers look on.]

Tony: “Avengers, this is Iron Man! I have Daredevil, but he needs transport!”

Radio: “Roger that! We’re thirty seconds out!”

[ID: The Latverian soldiers point their guns at Iron Man’s back. He looks over his shoulder at them.]

Tony: “Really?”

Daredevil vol. 3 #15 by Mark Waid, Chris Samnee, Javier Rodriguez, and Joe Caramagna

In the next issue, Tony brings comatose Matt back to his lab, where he, Hank Pym, and Stephen Strange work together to destroy the nanobots and restore Matt’s senses. It’s an excellent issue, and features this classic Tony moment:

[ID: In Tony’s lab (several Iron Man suits can be seen in their storage areas in the background, Tony gestures toward some kind of boxy metal device. Matt-- in the Daredevil suit but without the cowl, and noticeably unshaven-- sits listening with his fingers thoughtfully on his chin.]

Matt (caption): “Stark explains what happened to me-- how the Latverians put me in sensory deprivation and how he and the others fixed it. As usual when Tony talks, he can’t stop himself from gesturing proudly towards an array of devices and inventions like I can see them. I am polite about it.”

Daredevil vol. 3 #16 by Mark Waid, Chris Samnee, Javier Rodriguez, and Joe Caramagna

I also want to highlight this neat little detail from the same issue-- Matt’s experience of Tony’s lab and unique heartbeat:

[ID: A pink-tinted panel showing the purple silhouettes of (left to right) Tony Stark, Stephen Strange, and Hank Pym. Their heartbeats are drawn over their chests in neon green. Tony’s pulse is regular and mechanical, with a circle in the middle of his chest representing his arc reactor.]

Matt (caption): “Three familiar heartbeats. Dr. Strange, Hank Pym, and the metronomic rhythm of Tony Stark. Smell of iron and perspiration. Feel of electronic vibration. Taste of filtered air. I’m in Stark’s lab. I’m back in the world.”

Daredevil vol. 3 #16 by Mark Waid, Chris Samnee, Javier Rodriguez, and Joe Caramagna

Jumping ahead, Tony himself is absent from Daredevil volume 5, but issue #2 gives us this fantastic quote about Tony’s real superpower:

[ID: A nighttime rooftop scene. Blindspot is crouched in the foreground, Daredevil is standing in the background, wearing his black and red post-mindwipe costume.]

Matt: “And suddenly, everyone can see you. What do you do now, Blindspot? You need to be the weapon-- not some gadget.”

Sam: “I dunno. Iron Man seems to do okay.”

Matt: “You could drop Tony Stark naked in the middle of the desert and he’d fly out in a jet made of sand and cactus needles. It’s not his stuff that gives him power. It’s his brain. Try using yours. You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes.”

Daredevil vol. 5 #2 by Charles Soule, Ron Garney, Matt Milla, and Joe Caramagna

He has a few minor appearances in Volume 6 #22 and 24, but my favorite cameo in this volume is in #33. Elektra, operating as Daredevil, is faced with a group of Bullseye clones. Unable to hold off all of them, she fires a gun into the air, attracting some superhero back-up.

[ID: Elektra (in her Daredevil costume, without the mask) is sitting on a table in the middle of Tony Stark’s lab. Tony is standing beside her (also in costume and without his mask). The shadowy silhouettes of machinery and other Iron Man suits can be seen around them.]

Tony: “Spider-Man went after them while I brought you here.”

Elektra: “You should have gone after them while Spider-Man tended to me. I assume your armor can track people?”

Tony: “Um... you’re welcome. Spider-Man is a lot of things. Like, too many things, frankly. But he’s not a healer. We weren’t going to let you die out there.”

Daredevil vol. 6 #33 by Chip Zdarsky, Marco Checchetto, Marcio Menyz, and Clayton Cowles

After rescuing Elektra and healing her up, Tony gives her some cool tech to use against the gang of Bullseye clones. It's great. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for more Tony cameos in the future, because he needs them.

I hope your friend enjoys these!

#At long last! I'm so sorry it took me so long to get this to you.#iheartallthethings #Daredevil #Captain America #Iron Man #Steve Rogers #Tony Stark #Matt Murdock #Asks

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daydreamerdrew · 6 months

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Comics read this past week:

Marvel Comics:

X-23 (2005) #1-6

These issues were published across January 2005 to May 2005, according to the Marvel Wiki. All were written by Christopher Yost and Craig Kyle, penciled by Billy Tan, and inked by Jon Sibal.

I’d read this book before, years ago, and actually own a trade of it from my Laura Kinney phase when I was a teenager, but I’d totally forgotten about Sarah Kinney’s backstory of having been sexually abused by her father when she was a child and was surprised by how that influenced the entire book. Sarah is the genetics head of the project to create a new, cloned weapon from the sample that was salvaged from the original Weapon X program when Logan escaped, and it’s her suggestion to make the clone a girl instead of a boy, which for comic book-science reasons would be easier and faster. The narration over the scene in issue #1 where Sarah is being convinced to be the surrogate to carry the clone, which is from a letter Sarah wrote to Laura explaining everything in retrospect, says, “When I was little, I always believed that everything that happened to me- I deserved. That we ALL get what we deserve. Maybe I was right.” And then, over the depiction of the pregnancy, “No longer the experimenter, I was now part of the experiment. A vessel to be poked and prodded. To be violated.” It’s clear that her guilt over what happened to Laura is making her feel that her experiences being hurt and dehumanized are deserved. The page about the pregnancy ends with Sarah reading a passage from Pinocchio to her belly, specifically the one where he expresses the desire “to be a real person, rather than a wooden boy” and asks, “What can I do to deserve it?” The first, most obvious connection to make to Pinocchio is Laura, as she is the one that is throughout the story considered to be a weapon and not a real girl. But I also read this as relating to Sarah’s desire to be a real person outside of the Weapon X program that she committed her life to, with the agreement of very limited contact with the outside world, and her desire to be a real mother. Sarah is estranged from her sister, who didn’t believe Sarah at first when she explained what their father did to her, but she has a distant relationship with her young niece, who occasionally sends Sarah letters and drawings over the years that Sarah is with the project.

At the end of issue #3 Laura is left behind on a mission, with the intention that she’ll be killed, by the surgical head of the project, Zander Rice, who’s father had worked for the original Weapon X program and was killed by Logan during his escape. Xander tells everyone that Laura failed and was killed, but at the beginning of issue #4 Laura has managed to survive and return to the project on her own. Sarah asks Laura to please talk to her and explain what happened, but Laura remains silent and blank-faced. Then Sarah finds scars on Laura’s arms, evidence of cuts, and asks, “Who did this to you?!” And in the narration, from Sarah’s letter, she asks, “Why didn’t you tell me?” Later, in issue #5, Sarah catches Laura cutting herself, and the narration reads, “I always assumed it was Rice that cut you. He hurt you so many times in the past… he almost killed you twice… I never wanted to believe… that it was you. The damage I’ve done… I can never forgive myself.”

There’s a nice parallel moment that I like where in issue #1, in the flashback where Zander’s father is trying to run away before Logan kills him, he begs to god that he won’t die, and then in issue #6, during the plot that Sarah has hatched where she has Laura kill everyone at the project before they escape to ensure that they can't make more living weapons, she begs to god that Laura won't die.

Sarah tells Laura, through her letter, in issue #5 that, “I chose to bring you into this world. I chose to stay in the program even after they stripped you of your humanity… and molded you into a weapon. I’m responsible for everything that has happened… For all the pain… for all the death… that you have suffered… Because I had a choice… when you had none. And I chose to do nothing.” In issue #6 she explains, “I never wanted a family. My father stripped by of that desire. He took my childhood… my innocence… my life… And then I took yours. I became what I hated and feared most… And you became my victim.” And then, “You showed me that we can choose to be something other than what we have been forced to be… That we can be something better than what we believe we are. And, in that moment, you saved my life. All that matters to me now is that I save yours.”

Sarah’s intention is that she and Laura will go on the run together and be a family after the project is destroyed, but ultimately Sarah doesn’t survive. Laura speaks very little throughout the entire book, but one of the things she does say is begging Sarah to not leave her. In her final moments Sarah gives Laura her name and tells her that she loves her.

Uncanny X-Men (1963) #450-451 and #455–460 and X-Men (1991) #165 and Marvel Team-Up (2005) #5-6

The Uncanny X-Men and X-Men issues were published across December 2004 to June 2005, according to the Marvel Wiki. All were written by Chris Claremont. Uncanny X-Men #450-451 and #455-459 were penciled by Alan David and inked by Mark Farmer. Uncanny X-Men #460 was penciled by Tom Raney and inked by Scott Hanna. And X-Men #165 was penciled by Salvador Larroca and inked by Danny Miki. The Marvel Team-Up issues were published across February 2005 to March 2005, according to the Marvel Wiki. Both were written by Robert Kirkman and drawn by Scott Kolins.

I’d actually never read these issues before. They include Logan and Laura’s first meeting, her as a student at the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning, and her on an X-Men mission. At the beginning of the batch of issues Laura is living in District X, New York City’s mutant neighborhood, which was set up in NYX (2003). The X-Men were investigating the murders of the perpetrators of an attempted mutant hate-crime, which turns out have been committed by Laura, but the X-Men are able to work out a deal where she isn’t imprisoned and instead becomes the responsibility of the school.

In Uncanny X-Men #455 Laura is watching the senior X-Men train together when Bishop manages to get several good hits on Logan, causing Laura to jump in and attack Bishop, which Logan scolds her for. Then, the reason why Laura goes on an actual X-Men mission is that she was secretly followed him heading out. And in Marvel Team-Up #5 Laura secretly watches Logan sleep in his room through a video feed.

Also, in Marvel Team-Up #5 Laura sees a small blip on the X-Men’s system and goes to alert Scott Summers. He tells her that the system will alert them when there’s a big blip they need to go after and, “You want to chase down every ‘blip’? That’s something Wolverine would do. And trust me, he’s not an example you want to follow.” She proceeds to immediately chase down this small blip.

It’s repeatedly remarked upon about how similar Logan and Laura are, but primarily in a joking context and with no one actually suggesting explicitly that she’s his daughter. Also, Laura is never referred to as Laura in these issues and it’s also repeatedly said that she needs a name. Logan calls her X. In the X-Men Evolution cartoon, where Laura first appeared, Logan refused to call her X-23, but she was never given a regular person name in that show so he always just called her “kid.”

Reading right after X-23 (2005) makes Laura’s treatment at the school seem really insufficient. In X-Men #165 Logan just has her become roommates with Kitty Pryde and Rachel Summers because he recognizes that Laura needs to be around people that she can’t hurt. When Kitty introduces herself, Laura immediately tries to stab her. Where Laura was left off in NYX (2003), she had been sex trafficked. The portrayal of Laura trying to recover from her trauma in a safe environment and learn how to be a person in these issues wasn’t really interesting. My expectation going forward is that her depiction in her own solo comics will be stronger than in X-Men books, which have so many other characters and moving plot threads.

the Nick Fury stories in Strange Tales (1951) #135-137

With these stories I went from May 1965 to July 1965, according to the Marvel Wiki. All are credited as written by Stan Lee, though the Grand Comics Database lists Jack Kirby as an uncredited co-plotter for all of them. Issue #135 was penciled by Jack Kirby and inked by Dick Ayers. And Jack Kirby drew the layouts for issues #136-137, which were both finished by John Severin. All of the stories were 12 pages.

The story in Strange Tales #135 is the one where Nick Fury first learns about the existence of S.H.I.E.L.D. and becomes its commander. When he’s first offered the job, he says, When he’s offered the job to lead S.H.I.E.L.D. he says, “I’m outta my league! I’m just a bare-knuckles kinda guy! A bar room brawler! They made me a colonel, but I’m still a three-striper at heart! Where do I come off leadin’ a hot-shot outfit like this? I’d fall flat on my ugly pan!” And, frankly, I don’t disagree. In the WWII-set Howling Commandoes stories I read, Nick was the capable leader of the team that primarily went on, and survived, suicide missions. Here, while he is still largely his boisterous self, he’s more like a fish out of water as all of the various workings and technology of this advanced spy organization are explained to the audience through them being explained to the main character, who is not just a mere agent but supposed to be the leader of the organization. That he’s well-suited for that specific kind of responsibility was not yet conveyed to me. Also, it reads strangely that S.H.I.E.L.D. is all set up, is this big organization with so many employees, but didn’t yet have anyone in charge of it until Nick Fury was recruited. Also, Tony Stark is involved in recommending Nick for the job and encouraging him to take it, which I assume is later changed as Nick is maintained to his WWII roots and made an unaging character while Tony is evolved with the times to be perpetually born later and later.

Fear Itself: The Book of the Skull (2011) #1

This issue was published in March 2011, according to the Marvel Wiki, and was written by Ed Brubaker, penciled by Scot Eaton, and inked by Mark Morales.

This issue was the lead-in for the Fear Itself event and I read it because I am actually interested in Sin. I was initially intrigued by the presentation of her identity and aging issues in Captain America (2005) #15, which are the kinds of things that generally appeal to me, and then I became invested in her complicated relationship with her father throughout the rest of the book. I was actually rooting for her to go her own way by the end of it, which she got sort of close to, and then I was disappointed to see her get Red Skulled in Captain America: Man Out of Time (2009) #6. I didn’t find her subsequent appearances in Captain America (1968) #611-615 interesting. Now in this event she’s very much following in the Red Skull’s footsteps, but specifically with the framing, in her mind, that she’s better than him. She also refers to her father’s death, and her face being burned to be like his, as a rebirth for her.

What was actually of more interest to me in this issue was the bit we saw of Bucky and Namor’s dynamic in the WWII flashbacks. There was tension between them in Captain America and Bucky (2011) #622, which took place pretty early on in the Invaders history, with Namor not respecting Bucky, but here they talked to each other as though they were on equal footing.

Fear Itself (2011) #7.1 and Winter Soldier (2012) #1-14

The Fear Itself issue was published in November 2011, according to the Marvel Wiki, and was written by Ed Brubaker and drawn by Butch Guice.

This whole issue was great. Bucky was grievously injured at the end of Fear Itself #3 and the opening of Fear Itself #7.1 is Steve working on his eulogy for Bucky’s funeral, which was all about how Bucky was better than him, which I enjoyed. Then Nick Fury reveals to him that Bucky is actually secretly still alive and Steve immediately beats Nick up for that deception, which I also enjoyed. Really what made this issue so great was that it depicted the relationships between Steve, Nick, Natasha, and Bucky is genuinely interesting ways. I loved seeing Nick comfort Natasha when it looked like they were going to have to watch Bucky died. I loved that it was actually Natasha’s idea, when Bucky pulled through, to pretend that he had died in order to get him out of the bad legal situation he was in. And from there I loved that Steve has a much more subdued response when that is revealed to him and is able to calmly ask Natasha why she made that decision, though he’s still clearly hurt. And I loved that Bucky emphasized that if he had been able to make the decision then Steve would have also been in on it because he couldn’t bear to have Steve mourning him again. And I loved how Nick and Steve then got into a fight about Bucky’s future, with Nick saying that it’s a good thing that Bucky will be working in the shadows again, which is the kind of work he was originally trained for, and not trying to be Steve’s successor as Captain America, and Steve being initially offended by that until Bucky says that that’s what he wants too.

The Winter Soldier issues were published across February 2012 to January 2013, according to the Marvel Wiki. All were written by Ed Brubaker. Issues #1-5 and #10-14 were penciled by Butch Guice and issues #6-9 were penciled by Michael Lark. Issues #1-2 and #10 were inked by Butch Guice, issues #3-4 by Stefano Gaudiano, Brian Thies, and Butch Guice, issue #5 by Stefano Gaudiano, Tom Palmer, and Butch Guice, issues #6-9 by Stefano Gaudiano and Brian Thies, and issues #11-14 were inked by Brian Thies.

Issues #1-5 had Bucky and Natasha working against two of the three Winter Soldier-like Russian sleeper agents in the United States that were woken up due to the events of Captain America (1968) #616-619. Bucky kills one in issue #4, but before the man dies Bucky pretends to still be loyal to Russia and tells the sleeper agent that the people who woke him up and were giving him orders weren't actually working for Russia, which is true, to try to get information out of him in his final moments. Bucky says, “I’m not the traitor… you are,” and, “You pathetic fool. Did we not train you better than this?” The sleeper agent tells him, “I have… feeling… we’re both traitors here…” Bucky kills the second sleeper agent in issue #5, which is the one he had described in issue #2 as “the loyal soldier for his country. The one I actually liked.” I was surprised that Bucky could view patriotism towards Russia positively. During the fight Bucky tries to convince this favored sleeper agent that his war, meaning the Cold War, had ended while he was sleeping, that he's being used, and that Bucky wants to help him. The sleeper agent resists strongly, saying, “Trying to be another voice in my head! Betrayer!! You know what I am! You know my mission! It doesn’t end!” The fight ends with Bucky throwing a knife that lands in the man's throat. Then, Bucky's narration reads: “It’s not until it’s over… that I realize he didn’t even move. Didn’t even try to dodge my knife.” And then Bucky's learns "the thing that will haunt me," that the sleeper agent hadn't set the nuclear bomb codes he was ordered to, meaning that he'd already realized his handlers weren't working for Russia and had defied their orders before Bucky got there. I really liked this storyline. I thought this was a great way for Bucky's first solo book since leaving the Captain America identity, which he’d had for awhile, and returning to the Winter Soldier name to have him wrestle with his past experiences under that name.

Issues #6-14 had them working against the third sleeper agent, whose mental conditioning had gotten messed up so, rather than working for someone else, he was plotting against Bucky for revenge against him. I didn’t feel that this was executed as well. He was angry with Bucky because he thinks, “All the time he was lost, this man could have found him. Saved him.” This isn’t true, Bucky didn’t remember the existence of the sleeper agents until the information was extracted from his brain in the Captain America (1968) issues, and Bucky never learns that that’s his particular grievance. He just attributes the agent’s actions to the incorrect way he was woken up from his pod making him crazy. And the sleeper agent’s plans were sort of all over the place. It seemed to me to be more about creating dramatic situations with Bucky and Natasha for the sake of the story rather than realistically being something that this man would want to do. He kidnaps Natasha and has her brainwashed to think she was a double agent and hadn't actually genuinely defected to the United States so that she'll work for him, but he doesn't force her to fall in love with him because he to earn her love like Bucky did, but I don’t see why that's something he would care about. At one point he has Bucky brainwashed to try to kill Matt Murdock, Natasha's ex, which is interpreted to mean that he intends to give Natasha back when it would be the most emotionally painful for the couple. He has Natasha pretend to break free from the brainwashing so that they'll take her to the Helicarrier and she can try to kill Nick Fury. And in the end he has Natasha's memories of Bucky permanently deleted so that, even when she is actually recovered from the brainwashing, their relationship is over. There are some allusions made to this being part of the 'frozen relics of the Cold War' theme- in issue #9 it's said that he's "creating his own Cold War, with the other players left over from the great game"- but I'm not really convinced of it.

Regarding Bucky and Natasha getting broken up, I had heard of their relationship ending because of memory erasure for the sake of MCU synergy before, but I hadn't known enough about it to know how the memories were erased or even that it was only one of them whose memories were erased and not both of them. Honestly, at this point I still wasn't fully satisfied with what had been established about their relationship. The initial reveal of them having a past together was done through a montage of moments between them in Captain America (2005) #27 and I had been expecting that to be expanded upon later on in that book, but instead they got back together, on the basis of neither of them forgetting what they meant to each other, without that ever happening. That era was later revisited in Black Widow: Deadly Origin (2010) #2 and Captain America and Bucky (2011) #624, but both of these portrayals felt incongruous to me, which didn't help. It's not necessarily that I'm not convinced of their relationship in the present day, even if the process of them getting together felt simplistic, but I also wanted to know more about how they thought about each other beyond acknowledgment that they've gone through similar things or admiration for how they've survived or how they fight, and I'm disappointed that we won't be getting that anytime soon. Also, I understand that the circumstances were unideal, considering that this part of the story was written in respond to a demand that their relationship be broken up somehow, but I don't like Natasha going through brainwashing and having her memories of her boyfriend erased and then that not being followed up with a story that depicts the aftermath of that for her. Instead, I believe she won't be in this book anymore as it continues on with a new creative team.

When Jasper Sitwell first started appearing in Iron Man comics in the late 60s I really didn’t like him, but then over time I grew fond of him, so I was excited to see in issue #1 of this book that he was Bucky and Natasha’s intel contact, and then the person running their missions. And he had some moments in this book that I enjoyed. In issue #8 Bucky is frustrated because he thinks information that they need has been successfully destroyed, and Jasper tells him, “No, it’s okay, ‘cause I’m a genius, remember? So we still got a lead off of it.” Later that issue he tells Bucky, referring to Natasha, “I’m not crazy enough to be in love with her,” which is funny considering how crazy he got because of his love for Madame Masque in the Iron Man (1968) issues I read this week. Then I was really shocked and sad to see Jasper get killed in issue #10 of this book. Also, it’s said that “Sitwell was one of the only people [Natasha] really liked,” so I’ll have to be on the lookout for any interactions between them in the S.H.I.E.L.D. stories I read.

Captain America: Man Out of Time (2011) #1-5

These issues were published across November 2010 to March 2011, according to the Marvel Wiki. All were written by Mark Waid. Jorge Molina penciled and Karl Kesel inked issues #1 and #4-5. For issue #2 it’s said that Jorge Molina did the breakdowns and Karl Kesel finished the art. And for issue #3 it’s said that Scott Hanna also worked on the inking.

This book presented a new take on Steve’s adjustment after waking up in the future. I'd already read Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes (2005), which had covered those early days because it revisited the early issues of The Avengers (1963), filling in unseen moments between scenes and adjusting a few scenes with more serious characterization. Steve's parts of Earth's Mightiest Heroes were focused on how intensely he was mourning Bucky and his incessant need for revenge against Baron Zemo, which were elements in those early The Avengers issues. In comparison, Man Out of Time does include Steve's relationship with Rick Jones, who served as a surrogate Bucky for Steve, and adds the new element that during the first day they spent together Steve half-thought that he was dreaming. This book also fills in some unseen moments between specific The Avengers stories, but doesn't include his revenge plot against Baron Zemo, which reads a little strangely because of how important it was in Earth's Mightiest Heroes. This book also makes more use of how Marvel's sliding time scale means that Steve was asleep for a lot longer than the original two decades he was when he was brought back in the 60s. There's time spent on Steve learning about new technology, various important historical events he missed, how the United States has changed socially while he was sleeping. And, most significantly, when Steve wakes up in the future with all the incredible technology that the modern Marvel world has, he asks to be sent back in time so that he can save Bucky.

There's resistance to the idea of Steve going back in time with the reasoning that it would cause a time paradox. Steve points out that his and Bucky's bodies were never found, so, "That means I save Bucky and we go underground. Disguise ourselves. Take new identities, live the rest of our natural lives outside the history books. We'll become hoboes if we have to. I don't care. Small price." In the end it's determined that Steve can't go back because he's seen too much and therefore knows too much about the future and could cause a time paradox that way. This is pretty crushing for him. Then, during the Avengers fight with Kang, Steve gets sent back in time against his will, but he's not put in the position to be able to save Bucky. At this point Steve feels disconnected from the 1940s. He's lonely as he tries but isn't able to make contact with the people he used to know. And, what seems to really motivate him, he feels guilty about leaving the Avengers in the middle of a fight, so he chooses to come back to the modern day to help them. This wasn't really convincing to me of the overall premise of the book that Steve wouldn't actually go back to the 1940s if given the choice, even though that's what would be expected of him. I feel that the extenuating circumstances of the Avengers being in trouble really detracts from the effectiveness of this story in communicating that. And, while I understand that Steve not being able to get into contact with people was necessary for the prevention of a time paradox, that also added to that this wasn't a decision Steve made in normal circumstances. And I ultimately wasn't really convinced that Steve would feel so out of place in the 1940s by that point.

Iron Man (1968) #104-112

In this batch of Iron Man issues I went from August 1977 to April 1978, according to the Marvel Wiki. All were written by Bill Mantlo. Issues #104-106 were penciled by George Tuska and inked by Mike Esposito. Issue #107 was penciled by Keith Pollard and inked by Fred Kida. Issues #108-109 were penciled by Carmine Infantino, with the first being inked by Bob Wiacek and the second being inked by Fred Kida. The breakdowns of issues #110-112 were drawn by Keith Pollard, with Fred Kida finishing the art for issues #110-111 and Alfredo Alcala finishing the art for issue #112. Issue #113 was penciled by Herb Trimpe and inked by Joe Rubinstein. And issue #114 was penciled by Keith Giffen and inked by Bruce Patterson.

In issue #104 Tony goes to Stark House, of which he says, “I… haven’t been back here since college!” When Whitney Frost tells him that the house is beautiful, he says, “Yes… I suppose it is! Cold, though- uncared for, since my parents died! A bit like… me!” Then, in issue #105, he and Whitney go horseback riding in a great Southhampton estate that Tony inherited from his father, which Whitney described as “peaceful” and “like something out of a painting.” Tony describes his father as “ruthless in business, a competitor to be feared- but he left all that behind when he came out here.” Right before that he had responded to Whitney’s description of the scenery by saying, “I think that’s why I could never stand it, Whitney. This land- the house- none of it seemed real!” It stood out to me that Tony would be so uncomfortable as a child in what he says was the one place where his father relaxed his intense businessman attitudes, that it felt so inherently false to him. Just as it had stood out to me that Tony would describe himself as “uncared for” since his parents died, despite not ever characterizing, nor the one flashback we’ve seen of him depicting, his father as caring. This scene is actually the first time Maria Stark has been named.

Tony goes through a strong mood swing in issue #104, reminiscent of some of his moon swings regarding his identity as Iron Man, regarding how he feels about Midas taking over Stark International, which has left Tony still wealthy and the owner of Stark House. At one point he says, “It… seems like my armor is… all I have left.” And then, referring to his relationship with Whitney, “I can’t live only for love!” And then, at another point, “Let Midas keep Stark International! You’re free- for the first time in your life!” I was struck by how Tony had apparently felt trapped by Stark Industries all his life, but also feels desperate and directionless without the company he inherited from his father.

The opening of issue #105 is Tony having a dream where he’s suffocating in a damaged Iron Man armor suit and his child self appears and is able to remove the mask, even though it burns him to touch the metal. Adult Tony is familiar to child Tony, but not completely recognizable without being told that that’s himself. Then Tony’s parents appear. Tony asks them for help, his father tells him he’s on his own, Tony says he’s always been on his own, and his mother says that that was his choice. And they are guiding his child self away, Tony’s mother says, “You let your money- your genius separate you from people! You created your own loneliness, son- your own pain!” And his father says, “Yet, there are people who love you, Tony! Open up to them! Let them help you- before it’s too late! Before it kills you!” What makes this scene so striking is that it is clearly not true that Tony’s wealth and intelligence were what separated him for other people, and that it’s apparent to me that his parents aren’t blameless.

At the end of issue #106 Marianne Rodgers arrives at Stark International, where Tony had been fighting Midas, and says, “I wonder if he’ll remember me- if he’ll be glad to see me! Why, I might even let him take me into his arms- kiss me the way he used to- before I kill him.” Her motivation, as explained in issue #107, is that she felt safe at the asylum and is upset that she had to leave, not to mention that it was her relationship with Tony that led to her mental issues. What ends up happening in issue #107 is that Marianne attempts to telepathically attack Tony, Tony ducks, and the blast hits Midas instead and makes him braindead. Afterwards, Marianne collapses. She says, “My- My names not Marianne! It’s… Guinevere! I- I’m a queen- and all the knights wish to champion me!” Tony thinks, “The energy focused through her mind drove her over the edge! She was going mad when I knew her- But, she is mad, now! She’s forgotten everything- including her powers… and my identity!” My very reasonable assumption is that Marianne would be going back to the asylum. Instead, Tony mentions in issue #108 that, “Marianne Rodgers- is forever cured of her madness! If only everything had ended so happily!”

I like Marianne, I think the idea that she’s just forgotten all about Tony and that she’s simply cured of her problems is boring, and I hope that she comes back to the book again. I think her character concept is really interesting. She was originally just a party girl that Tony called up to hang out with for a one-night thing, and then that escalated really quickly because she developed extra sensory powers that were all about him, driving her towards him and strengthening her feelings for him, and essentially forcibly made her mind revolve around him. They got engaged really quickly, and then their relationship fell apart when her visions overwhelmed her and made her more of a burden than a support in Tony’s life. I thought the choice to have Marianne’s delusion become that she was a character from Arthurian legends was interesting. She was fixated on Tony while she was in the asylum, though I believe the event that got her sent there in the first place was hallucinating miscellaneous monsters around her after he broke up with her. This new delusion initially seems to be unrelated to Tony, but really he’s got a strong knight-in-shining-armor association and the phrasing “all the knights wish to champion me” makes me think it’s a manifestation of her wanting Tony to want her, particularly considering how earlier in issue #107, when Marianne senses that Tony is in love with a new woman, she thinks, “Oh, Tony- Anything else I might have forgiven you… but not for… that!”

DC Comics:

Shazam! (2023) #3-4

These issues were published in September 2023 and October 2023, respectively. Both were written by Mark Waid, drawn by Dan Mora, and colored by Alejandro Sánchez.

I don't have too much to say on this outside of the two posts I made when I first read the issues. I think the really interesting elements of Mark Waid's take on Billy are limited to the narration, which is unfortunate. Ultimately, I think a completely different writing approach that would be able to explore those things in actual scenes would appeal to me a lot more. I am still looking forward to seeing what this book does once this plot with Billy's empowering gods wraps up, but I am also looking forward to another creative team taking over the book.

Fawcett Comics:

the Mary Marvel stories in Wow Comics (1941) #56 and Mary Marvel (1945) #14

In this batch of 4 Mary Marvel stories I read through her solo appearances in July 1947, according to the issue cover dates. These stories ranged from 5 to 7 pages.

In the story “Mary Marvel Fights a Family Skeleton” (written by Otto Binder; drawn by Jack Binder) in Mary Marvel #14, one of Mary’s friends, who is also an orphan that was adopted, expresses concerns about what if her “real” family were criminals. Mary says to her, “What difference would that make? They say environment counts more than hereditary! The Daltons brought you up to be decent and honest and that’s what you are.”

#comics read this past week #my posts

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christ0pher-evans · 3 years

Text

Shattered Heart

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader Warnings: Angst / Cheating / Mentions of Sex Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: I never usually write RPF angst fics, only fluff or smut, but I was drowning in many of my drafted smutty stories (not a bad thing) and I felt like I needed to clear my head with something different. I had this idea and Chris was the best fit. If you don’t feel comfortable reading RPF then please don’t! Based on ‘I love you’ by Billie Eilish. Please reblog and like🖤

♡

PRESENT DAY Laying in bed, wrapped tightly in Chris’ arms and listening to his soft snores over your shoulder was your confirmation that it was the weekend. Any other day you would be waking up alone, Chris already long gone and busy working. You shifted carefully before sliding out of his gentle grip, putting on your oversized jumper which was discarded on the floor from last night.

Once you were downstairs and waiting for the pot of coffee to finish, your gaze lingered on the big garden to your home; the hammock that held a blanket from summer evening cuddles, Dodger’s toys flung carelessly from energetic play dates and the makeshift bar that you had built together for the parties you always hosted. All things that highlight the life that you and Chris had started together seven years ago. Smiling to yourself and caught in your memories, you didn’t even hear Chris coming down the stairs. You only realised his presence across the kitchen once you turned around. Taking him in quickly, you noticed a look of anguish fixed on his face.

“It’s not true, tell me I’ve been lied to”

“Babe, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

Upon trying to approach him, to check he was alright, he hastily stepped away as if he was frightened from your touch. Looking away from you, he stayed silent.

“Chris?”

Now, you were airing on the edge of nervous, genuinely worried something bad had happened but something was also telling you to stay put, to not move closer to him. You kept your distance, leaning against the breakfast bar for support against the unknown.

“Y/N, I… I have to tell you something.”

Sick rushed to your throat at the tone of his voice; coarse and frightened. You stayed quiet, too scared to ask him to continue.

“Last night..” he took a deep breath, “last night, at the work dinner, before I came home; I kissed someone else.”

Chris took another deep breath before he looked up. You were already looking at him, tears building in your eyes. Gripping the edge of the counter, you bit your lip and took a shaky breath, too afraid to do anything else incase you collapsed from the utter heartbreak washing over you.

“Y/N, please say something.”

The sound of Chris speaking startled you, suddenly conscious of how long you’d been frozen, practically in suspended animation. Your ethereal bubble of love and adoration abruptly shattered, even the sound of his voice was making you shudder.

Deep down, you were burning with rage, but your voice only came out as a whisper, “Tell me it’s not true, tell me you’re lying.”

You pleaded, praying and begging that this was some horrible practical joke that he wanted to play on you.

“I - I’m not lying..”

“So, just to be clear, you went to a work dinner when you knew that I would be spending the fifth night in a row, in our home, eating alone-?”

Chris went to interrupt but you weren’t finished. You were determined to get your point across before you crumbled.

“-You went out and kissed someone that wasn’t me and then came home to me, sat and had wine with me and then made love to me but didn’t have the respect for me to tell me the truth the second you walked in the door last night?!” Staring at Chris, you felt the first tears drop onto your flushed cheeks. You didn’t mean to sound so harsh but when everything was fracturing around you, your emotions were the last thing you were trying to control.

“Up all night on another red eye, I wish we never learned to fly”

THREE YEARS AGO “Chris, I thought you said you were going to be home this week? It’s our four year anniversary!” You sighed into your wine as you sat eating dinner with him one Sunday evening.

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry but they want to squeeze in a week of location shooting, it was a last minute decision.”

You flicked the contents of your dinner round your plate, sad at the thought of another week at home alone. As an editor for a fashion magazine, you could do a lot of work from your home office therefore you’d already told your boss that you were working at home all week to spend time with Chris. In these situations you were so grateful to have an understanding and flexible job but frustrated to have such an in-demand and famous boyfriend. Sitting in silence with Chris, you couldn’t help but feel like this was another nail in the proverbial coffin that was your relationship.

“Come with me!” Chris blurted out nervously. “You were working from home this week anyway, why not just work from London?”

Your heart felt warm suddenly. The idea of spending a week in London with Chris was exciting and the sense of feeling wanted squashed your previous anxiety.

“Of course I’ll come with you, if you want me there?”

Chris leaned forward, reaching out and pulling your face to his, lips gently brushing against yours as he whispered, “There is nowhere that I could be in this world where I wouldn’t want you by my side, ever.” With that, he caught your lips in a bruising kiss.

SIX MONTHS AGO “Chris..” you sigh, holding your phone away from your ear so he doesn’t hear the sob that escapes your lips. “I just don’t think that flying me halfway across the country will fix these problems!”

You were exhausted with fighting a losing battle. You played with the loose tendrils of hair that had fallen around your face, waiting for his reply, wondering if he understood your hidden rejection of his offer.

“Y/N, you can’t tell me that you want to see me and sort our problems out in person but moan when I offer a perfectly valid solution! I know I’m away a lot at the moment, but your job is so flexible, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just come with me in the first place!”

You involuntarily groan, irked by what Chris had thought was a perfectly acceptable compromise. He had missed the point completely. Flying from state to state, hell even country to country for the past six months just to get an iota of time with your husband was taxing, it was also forcing you to surrender your own life to follow his. All you wanted was for Chris to understand the sacrifice you’d been making.

“Okay Chris, I’ll book my flights now. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You sighed, disconnecting the phone call and slamming your phone on the sofa in frustration.

Reflecting back on the past few years, you felt ashamed at your naivety with Chris. You had taken everything with a pinch of salt because you could only imagine how difficult it was for Chris to uphold a relationship, let alone a marriage, with his career, so you were happy to make a small sacrifice if it resulted in spending time with Chris but now you realised, you were sacrificing everything for his happiness, not yours.

“Cryin' isn’t like you”

PRESENT DAY The words you had spoken hung over the room like a dark cloud. You knew you were being heinous before you’d given him a chance to explain but you were heartbroken. Your fingers skimmed your lips, disgusted that they’d entwined with Chris’s after he had kissed another woman, disgusted that they had begged him for release as you made love after he had kissed another woman.

As you wiped your own tears from your eyes, you noticed tears spilling from Chris’s eyes. Your body went rigid - you had only seen Chris cry a handful of times. The feeling of sympathy and guilt should have been foreign to you in this situation but you felt pain from his misery. You could see the torment in his eyes, and you knew that he was angry with himself for hurting you; maybe, just maybe you could sort this out and salvage your marriage.

“Shouldn’t I be the one that’s crying?” You tried to make light of the problem but recoiled at the distastefulness of your question.

Moving to the now well-brewed pot of coffee, you poured two mugs before placing one at the other side of the breakfast bar for Chris, a symbolic waving of the white flag. You sat down, anxiously waiting to see if Chris would follow, hoping that you could sort this out like adults and maybe try to recover your trust and your marriage. That’s what you wanted, right?

“Maybe we should just try, to tell ourselves a good lie”

You took the first sip of your second cup of coffee, still sitting in silence. You had been pondering with how to start the conversation but was admittedly hoping Chris would instigate it. Looking like that wasn’t going to happen, you tore off the bandaid and asked the question you had been dreading finding out the answer to.

“So, can you start from the beginning and tell me what happened? I think I need to understand what transpired before we move forward.” You spoke calmly, channelling your nerves into picking at your nail varnish. Distracted by the chipped pattern on your nails, you were startled when Chris spoke up.

“So, um, obviously you and me, we’ve been dealing with what feels like a long distance relationship; even though we live in the same house.” Chris paused from a moment, and you thought he was going to start crying again. You had to look down into your coffee, scared that if you started crying also, you wouldn’t stop.

“Not that we haven’t handled that before, but this time it felt different, it felt worse. I know it’s not your fault Y/N and it’s not mine either, our jobs are so demanding but I was just feeling so alone.”

Your heart was shattered at Chris’ confession. Knowing that you were both hurting from the same issue but keeping it to yourselves, it seemed absurd.

“She was always there. I saw her every day at work, definitely for many more hours than I was seeing you each day, and she is nice. She became my friend and my comfort.”

Now you felt like you’d been stabbed through the heart. Hearing Chris talk about another woman being everything you thought you were to him crushed you. How could you ever trust him again when he chose another woman to confide in?

“We get on really well, and um, whilst we were waiting outside the restaurant for our taxis, it just sort of.. happened.”

The rest of the conversation passed by like a bad dream. Remembering snippets of trying to stay calm as Chris told you he made the first move, screaming at Chris when he told you he would still see her at work every day and crying into his shoulder when you admitted you wasn’t sure if this marriage had a future.

Chris had left hours ago to stay at a friends house to give you some space. You glanced at the tissues surrounding you - reminders of the tortuous day - as if you were looking for the answers among them. Wiping your puffy eyes for the final time, you waited for something, or someone, to make the decision for you.

Now, it felt like the quiet at the end of a storm. Like your nightmare had come full circle. You sat in the same spot, alone.

Part Two: Troubled Heart

#chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans angst #fanfiction #rpf

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somewhatgreatexpectations · 3 years

Text

Unforgettable (Wanda Maximoff/ Reader)

Hello, everyone!

Songs used: "Unforgettable" By Nat King Cole (1952)

Summary: Wanda is forced to delve into her past as you deal with some unexpected obstacles trying to get back to her.

“I know, she does look shocked to meet the real us, doesn’t she?” Agnes- Agatha said to her rabbit with a laugh. Wanda couldn’t help but feel frustration creep under her skin at the air of indifference Agatha was speaking in. It was clear she couldn’t trust a word that came out of the other woman’s mouth, so she decided to take matters in her own. She would just look into the other woman’s mind to get answers. The perks of having powers.

Except… Nothing.

Rather than being able to see into the other woman’s mind she was met with a wall. Even in the early stages of having her powers this had never happened and Wanda couldn’t help but feel unnerved. “Oh, that’s adorable.” Agatha laughed. “My thoughts are not available to you, toots. They never were. So, don’t wear yourself out. It’s a waste of time. We have much more… pressing matters to tend to.”

Wanda clenched her jaw, refusing to play into the game Agatha clearly wanted her to play. “Where are my children?” Her blood boiled when Agatha mockingly repeated her question back to her.

Again, Agatha laughed. “Do you have an accent or not, sweetheart? Make up your mind.”

“Where are they?” Wanda repeated, flexing her hands to manipulate her powers only to be met with the same resistance from before. Her blood ran cold. This had never happened.

A chilling smile crossed Agatha’s features. “Aww. Sweetheart. Don’t you know? Your magic is useless here. Much like yourself.” Before Wanda could even consider reacting Agatha flicked her wrist and Wanda felt her arms get pinned tightly behind her back along with her legs as she flew forward. The invisible vice like grip tightening as Agatha flexed her fingers. Wanda groaned in discomfort.

Agatha began speaking again but Wanda could barely process the words as she panted in pain. “Basic protection spells. Honestly, how dim are you?” Wanda finally allowed herself to look around the room, taking in the strange markings that littered the wall. “These are runes, Wanda. In a given space, only the witch that cast the runes can use her magic. Do you know anything?”

“Who are you?” Wanda demanded.

“Who are you?” Agatha countered. “I was so patient. Playing along with your twisted little fantasy. Waiting for you to reveal yourself.” She smirked. “I will admit, sending fake Anna and fake Pietro seemed to push your buttons. I thought Amelia- sorry, Ellie, would have sent you over the edge but you didn’t seem to care if your wife mingled with someone else. Just like I’m sure she’s doing now.”

Wanda’s jaw clenched tightly as she pulled at the invisible restraints. “Leave Y/n out of this.”

It was clear Agatha was amused by Wanda's anger. “Oh, sweetheart. How could I do that when she’s the easiest way to get to you? And Amelia was more than willing to be an active participant in all of this to get Y/n back.”

In response Wanda leveled Agatha with a hard stare, not giving her the satisfaction. “The silent treatment? Oh, well. Guess I’ll have to talk to myself.” Agatha mockingly pouted. “When I sensed such powerful spells cast all at once… I knew I had to see it for myself. Mind control is a classic… But having thousands of people under your thumb, each with their own complex stories? That’s something special, baby.”

“I spent years practicing to be able to create one believable illusion, but you, Wanda… Westview under your spell? Every little detail is in place. You’re even running illusions all the way at the edge of town! Magic on autopilot.” Agatha pushed a hand through her hair, her eyes deranged. “What’s your secret? I need you to tell me how you did this.”

Wanda’s brow furrowed. “I didn’t do anything. I’m not-” Before she could finish, Agatha flicked her hand and Wanda was sent crashing into the walls on either side of her. Grunts of pain falling from her lips before Agatha stopped her directly in front of herself once again.

“I tried to be gentle, I did. To wake you up from this stupid little fantasy you have but it’s clear you’d rather fall apart than face your issues, little witch. You left me no choice.” Agatha stepped closer to Wanda. “What was it you said to your fake brother? You felt empty. Like you were drowning. Endless nothingness… Let’s start there.”

Wanda wordlessly watched the woman pluck a hair from her hair and chant words she didn’t understand under her breath. The strand glowing purple as it floated over to the door.

“It’s been fun playing pretend, Wanda… But now it’s time to look at the real thing.” Agatha whispered menacingly. “Let’s go.”

Agatha waved her hand and Wanda went crashing to the floor. “No.” She gritted out, her eyes locked on Agatha, refusing to look at the familiar door. She knew what would await behind that door.

“Did you forget that I have your children lock in this basement? It wasn’t a request.”

Before Wanda could respond she could hear the voices of Billy and Charlie call out to her behind the door and she knew she had no other choice but to enter.

______________

As you were flying lower to the ground your eyes caught the sigh of someone waving their arms noticeably. You needed to get to Wanda though. You needed to see her. To tell her you were sorry. That you were there for her… That you loved her.

Begrudgingly you flew down, you would just check if this person was okay before getting to Wanda.

When your feet touched ground, you were practically knocked over by Ellie leaping into your arms. “Y/n! You have to help me!” She cried desperately, tears streaming rapidly down her cheeks.

The sight overwhelmed you as you tried to maintain your composure. “Ellie, what’s wrong?” You asked cautiously, placing your hands on her shoulders to hold her back.

“My names not Ellie. It’s me, Y/n. Amelia.” She grabbed your hands and tugged you forward slightly. “Wanda is trying to keep us apart.”

You stumbled back with her words, not expecting it. “No. I don’t know who you are, but I know Wanda. I know I love her and that I’ve always loved her. I’ve seen it in my mind.”

Almost immediately the tears stopped in their tracks. Ellie- Amelia stared you down. The sight sent a chill down your spine as your fingers began tingling with energy. “Oh, Y/n, sweetheart. That’s just not true.” You noticed she began playing with a small device in her hands. “Maybe you just need a little… encouragement.”

Your fingers sparked with nervous energy, as a pit began forming in your stomach. “What do you mean?”

Before she could reply, Anna and Pietro strolled up. “There’s something about music that messes with her head.” Anna said flippantly, as she picked at her nails. “Try that.”

Pietro smirked. “If that doesn’t work I can help you out with that little device you have there, hot stuff.” He added with a wink to Amelia.

Amelia tilted her head thoughtfully. “That won’t be necessary. Agatha taught me a little trick.”

With a small wave of her hand, a purple fog drifted from her fingers and disappeared into your mind.

“Hello, beautiful.” You looked up from your place on the floor of the training room, smiling slightly when you saw it was Amelia.

“Hi, doll.” You replied back, the term of endearment tasting bitter on your tongue. It felt out of place. You tried to ignore it. This was your girlfriend now after all.“Here to get schooled in some hand-to-hand combat?”

A laugh fell from her lips. “Oh, please. I could take you any day, Y/ln.”

You smirked up at her. “That’s cute that you think that. My mentor is Steve Rogers. I trained with Natasha Romanoff almost daily. Captain America and Black Widow. My skill levels are unmatched.” You said easily as you brushed imaginary dirt off your shoulders.

“Yeah, yeah. We get it. You were an Avenger. Blah, blah, blah. That’s really not as impressive as you th-” Amelia squealed slightly as you swept her legs out from under her, pining her almost immediately.

With a grin, you looked down at her. “You were saying?”

You noticed the way her gaze fell to your lips and you couldn’t help but smirk again. Before you could do anything, she flipped you over, pining your hands above your head. “I was saying, I would’ve thought Black Widow taught you better than that.”

Her grip on your wrists loosened slightly as you tugged her down. Your lips meeting in a kiss.

Blinking rapidly, you shook away the fog in your mind as you refocused on the world around you. “Do you see now?” Amelia called out to you. “It wasn’t Wanda. It was me you were with.”

All the pieces of memories you had seen the last few days flashed in your mind. The love you had for Wanda flashed in your mind. There would never be anyone else. “No, Amelia. I’m sorry, but it’s her-”

“-it’s always been her. I’m sorry that I didn’t say anything sooner, but I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have.” You winced at the tears that seemed to be forming in Amelia’s eyes. “I can’t love you when I have no room in my heart for someone else. Even if Wanda and I can’t be together. Even if I can’t forgive her.”

Your eyes widened at the memory that it seemed you were able to recall on your own. “I told you I was in love with Wanda. Why are you doing this?”

Amelia gritted her teeth. “Because Wanda didn’t deserve you, Y/n. I did. When Agatha approached me and told me this was a guaranteed way to win you back I knew I had to do it.”

You shook your head. “I'm never going to love you back, Amelia. I need to get to Wanda.”

“Ralph, now.” Amelia told Pietro, tossing him the small device. He caught it and sped over to you.

You felt the small prick against the back of your neck and then everything went dark.

__________________

The trauma of having to relieve losing her parents and experiencing the effects of the mind stone again weighed heavily on her. The pain was all fresh and Wanda wasn't sure she could take anymore.

Then she saw the familiar sight of elevator doors.

For a moment Wanda was sure her legs would give out underneath her. She knew that behind this door was peace. The peace she wanted her mind to remain in forever that didn't exist anymore.

The simplicity that was behind that door didn't exist anymore but it was something she longed to see.

Agatha made a quiet noise of surprise as Wanda moved forward on her own, rather than reluctantly as she had before.

The doors slid open as Wanda felt the cool breeze blow through her hair. The imagine of her younger self sat looking out at the city before her. “So, where are we now?”

“The roof of the Avengers compound.” Wanda said quietly. “It’s where Y/n and I fell in love. No matter how hard I tried to shut her out, she never gave up. Pietro was dead, and I was in a new country. I had never felt so alone… She saved me from drowning.”

Wanda’s heart thudded painfully in her chest she saw the younger version of herself open her mouth to speak. She knew what was coming next. “Y/n.”

You stepped in between Agatha and Wanda a small smile on your face as the younger version of herself never looked away from you.

Wanda’s breath hitched because looking back at it now, it was clear she had always been in love with you.

“Um, hi.” You began, bashfully rubbing the back of your neck. “I wanted fresh air and it’s such a nice day out and it looked like you could use company. I mean, not that you have to have company if you don't want it. I can go if you want or I can just sit here with you and-”

Wanda couldn’t help but laugh slightly as she interrupted you. “Y/n. You’re rambling.”

Your cheeks flushed, and the current Wanda couldn’t help but smile adoringly at the sight. Of how oblivious you both were. “Right. Sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude.”

The young version of herself never let her eyes leave yours. A stark contrast from the girl who couldn’t even look at you for more than a minute when you first met. “You don’t?”

The redness on your cheeks darkened. “Well…” You winced. “I guess I did since I knew you’d probably be here and I just-”

“I like being around you.” Wanda whispered at the same time you said the words.

“Even if we don’t talk most of the time.” You finished shyly.

Her eyes shone slightly under the fading light. “What are your intentions now?”

You shifted slightly from foot to foot. “I think my intentions would be whatever you prefer.”

Wordlessly she pat the space next to her. You smiled as you took a seat next to her, looking out over the skyline, your shoulders brushing. “Wanda, I…” She tilted her head to look at you. “I don’t want to pretend I know exactly what you’re going through because we all fight battles that no one knows about… But if you ever need to talk or just have someone around I’m here for you. If that would give you even just a little comfort.”

Wanda’s eyes flashed with controlled annoyance. “What makes you think that talking about it would give me comfort?” You stayed quiet. “Or sitting here with you?”

Wanda flinched at the tone her past self used and watched the way you began spinning the rings on your fingers anxiously. You were nervous, she could see that now.

She wanted to yell at herself for all the time she spent pushing you away when she should have been pulling you closer.

“I just thought that-”

“The only thing that would bring me comfort is seeing him again.” Wanda cut you off sharply, her eyes shining with unshed tears and her voice thick with emotion.

Wanda could see the understanding in your eyes. You knew exactly what she was going through, and she had no idea at the time.

You nodded faintly, shifting your gaze back to the skyline. “Sorry.” You said quietly. You pulled out your phone to play music, the default to being around Wanda. A silent support.

“Never before has someone been more… Unforgettable. In every way, and forever more that’s how you’ll stay.”

The music made tears well up in Wanda’s eyes because this was the first song you had played that she had allowed herself to actually listen to. The silent messages you were sending her. The walls you were breaking without even realizing it.

“I’m sorry.” She eventually mumbled.

You turned to face her, your brows furrowed in concern. “Don’t be. It’s fine, Wanda.”

A pained smile spread across her lips. “It’s just… I’m so tired.” She inhaled sharply and the glistening in her eyes became more apparent. “It’s like this wave washing over me, again and again. It knocks me down and when I try to stand up, it just comes for me again. And I… It’s just gonna drown me.”

The defeat in her voice made your heart clench as you fought the urge to hold her, to take her hand. “It may feel like it’s all sorrow right now, but there’s more.” You said quietly. Wanda’s stared back at you with curiosity. “The pain you’re in is a telltale sign of the love you gave. Of the unwavering strength of your love… because what is grief is not love persevering?” For a moment you just stared at one another.

The abrupt sound of a loud ad startled you both as you jumped. A laugh fell from your lips because of the terrible timing. “I really should start paying for ad free. Sorry.” You smiled at her nervously.

The surprise on your face was obvious when she smiled back at you. “No, it was funny.” She replied with a chuckle.

You made a face. “It is kind of funny that an Avenger can’t afford ad free music, isn’t it?”

“Mhm.” Wanda hummed, her eyes twinkling in amusement.

The sound of her laughter faded as you both stared at one another, the intensity of emotions left unspoken making the air heavy with tension. Eventually you both turned your gaze back to the skyline, your shoulders still brushing.

A single tear fell down Wanda’s cheeks as she stepped further onto the roof, the image of you both faded away as she looked around.

“So, to recap… Parents dead, brother dead, Y/n pretty much dead.” Wanda’s face crumpled in pain as the tears fell down her cheeks more steadily. Agatha continued on. “What happened when she wasn’t there to be your life raft anymore, Wanda?”

Wanda roughly wiped away the tears that wouldn’t stop falling. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“You’re right there! Tell me how you did it.” Wanda’s chest heaved with the weight of the emotions. “They tried to take Y/n, but you weren’t going to let that happen.”

Wanda’s eyes widened slightly as she thought back to the moment. “I wasn’t going to let that happen.” She repeated as she marched through the familiar door.

Anxiously she watched herself find your empty room, she watched the panic in her every move, she watched Hayward talk about you like you were nothing.

Her heart broke all over again as she watched herself hover over your practically lifeless body.

“I can’t feel you.” She whispered brokenly, the pain in her chest overcoming her. The sensation composing her entire being as everything within her collapsed. She was alone, and she knew she wouldn’t recover.

Her eyes glowed red as she waved a hand, all of the doctors in the room turning away from your body on her command. Hayward turning away as well before he could even react.

Carefully she made her way over to you and took you in her arms, her hands glowing as she carried you away through a back entrance where no one would see her leave.

Cautiously, she placed you in the passenger seat of her car and began driving. Her heart thudding heavily with each passing moment that you didn't wake up. The only thing that brought her a small semblance of comfort was the sight of your chest still weakly rising and falling with each breath.

After an hour or so of driving she pulled into an empty driveway. “This- this was supposed to be a surprise… I bought it when we were in Scotland... For when I was finally able to propose. For when we were finally able to start our lives together. Our happy ending.”

Tears began falling rapidly down her cheeks. “We were supposed to be a happy ending.” She whispered brokenly. “I just want you to be able to see it b-before you go. You deserve more than to have your last moments in that room.” Her words were shaky as if it took all she had to even get them out. Because it did.

Wanda made her way out of the car and carefully carried you out to the middle of the empty lot. “I love you, Y/n. So much.” She whispered, noticing the way your breath was becoming weaker and weaker by the minute. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

Slowly she sunk to the ground, still holding you in her arms. The pain in her chest growing unbearable. She couldn’t breathe. All she felt was pain. Broken sobs fell from her lips as she watched the color steadily fade from your face. The steady thrum of your heart rate against her fingertips fading away.

With a scream of agony red burst from her chest and you began floating in the air, gently wrapped in the red. Quickly the energy expanded and expanded. The house appearing from nothing as your feet slowly touched the floor. The hospital gown that you were in moments before gone and replaced with an old-fashioned dress. Your eyes were still closed as the red energy continued to stream out of Wanda.

When the red faded away, Wanda was left breathless by the sight. All she could see was you. Her eyes watered when she met your eyes again. The eyes she had spent weeks begging to see open again.

You, standing before her with the same smile you wore the first time that you met. Your eyes looking at her with all the love you had before it all went wrong. That was all she ever wanted.

Tentatively she stepped forward, as if one wrong move would make you disappear. The outfit she was wearing transforming into an old fashioned dress as well.

The smile she gave you was loving as her eyes shone with feelings she hadn’t been able to feel in weeks. Happiness. “Wanda. Darling. I’ve missed you.” You said sincerely. “Should we stay in tonight?”

You turned on the radio before meeting her in front of the couch.

“That’s why, darling, it’s incredible that someone so unforgettable thinks that I am unforgettable too.”

As the music washed over you both, you took a seat on the couch wrapping an arm around Wanda, pulling her closer as her hand lifted to glide over your cheek. Her fingertips brushing along your jaw lovingly until they landed on the back of your neck and pulled you closer. Your lips met in a sweet kiss and Wanda happily gave herself over to the moment. To you.

Wanda watched the moment with an aching heart as the scene before her faded away. Suddenly she heard the sound of clapping in the distance. She cautiously made her way forward, squinting against the bright overhead lights.

“Bravo.” Agatha called sarcastically before snapping her fingers and disappearing into a haze of purple smoke.

Before Wanda could react, she heard the desperate cries of her children. “Mom! Mom! Help us!”

“Please! Please, help us!” Continued as she ran to the door and into the bright daylight.

Panic coursed through her veins as she ran down the street frantically trying to find the twins. Her chest tightening as her breathing became almost impossible.

A moment later she came to a stop before Agatha. The sight making her stomach turn. Agatha held the twins hostage as the purple force wrapped around their necks, preventing them from escaping. “I know what you are.” Agatha called out, but all Wanda could focus on was the pain her children were in.

Her hands began to glow as she made a weak attempt to reassure them. “It’s okay, babies. It’s okay. I’m here.”

“You have no idea how dangerous you are. You’re supposed to be a myth. A being capable of spontaneous creation and here you are… Using it to make breakfast for dinner!” Agatha’s lips curled in disgust.

The glow in Wanda’s hands intensified. “Let go of my children!”

“Oh yes, your children. And Y/n. And this whole little life you’ve made… This is Chaos Magic, Wanda… And that makes you... the Scarlet Witch.”

And we have concluded with part 8! One final part after this!

If you would like to actually read what happens in SWORD with Hayward its in part 13 of "Love Goes" which I will tag here. And a nice conversation that they had about feeling like drowning is in part 1 of "Love Goes" which I will tag here.

Ironically, I wrote that scene about drowning before episode 8 of Wandavision came out so it kind of messed with the flashback scene when I was writing it.

Anyway, that's all. As always, I hope you all enjoyed! Thoughts and comments always welcome! :)

Taglist:

@theofficialzivadavid // @tquick99 // @marrymemcgrath // @afuckingshituniverse // @pxterstrk // @aimezvousbrahms // @ensorcellme // @sapphicshots // @daisybri7

#wanda #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda marvel #wanda maximov #wanda maximoff fic #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x you #wanda x y/n #wandavision

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heloisedaphnebrightmore · 3 years

Text

Important asset [Billy Russo x Reader]

Title: Important asset Pairing: Billy Russo x Female!Reader Word count: 3k Published: 22 April 2021 Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore Notes: My first Billy Russo fic, I hope it's not that bad, I'm still trying to get a hold of his character :) Summary: [x] Being a former military personal gives you the opportunity to work for Billy’s company. Becoming a very important part of the company provides you with an even closer relationship with your boss. However, he seems to be deliberately dancing on your nerves, increasing your already built-up frustration.

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Working for Anvil felt like a safe place. After serving your country for years, coming back from your last tour turned out to be more difficult than you could have anticipated. Protecting important personals and working as security wasn’t something you wished to do, but after starting the job, working along with people who have been through what you have, your view of the company has changed. The job was different, but the people you worked with have given you more support than anyone, including your family, friends or your therapist for that matter.

Joining Anvil wasn’t easy, the requirement process raised some issues that you had to overcome. The physical part didn’t offer any difficulty, but the mental exam seemed to present some obstacles. It wasn’t until your second try that you have been approved and joined the team. That was when you met Mr. Russo, CEO and founder of Anvil. He was just as handsome as you have heard, and he had a way with words. He was confident and knew just how to use his charm. Even if you wanted to deny your sudden interest in him, you couldn’t have.

It seemed that even if he didn’t look at you as a woman, he certainly found your abilities interesting. You didn’t just become one with the team, a crucial member, but also became one of Billy’s most important assets. Having both good communications skills and excellent combat skills meant your worth in Billy’s eyes have grown and provided a great deal of opportunity for you to stay beside him. Officially you weren’t an assistant, but unofficially, Billy liked to give you a nice amount of work, keeping you close by from early morning to late afternoon or evening, sometimes past 10pm.

“Mr. Russo,” you called out to him as you walked behind him in a narrow corridor of the Anvil headquarters. Billy turned around, adjusting his tie with a confident smirk across his face. “I heard you were looking for me,” you added as you finally arrived beside him, glancing up at his handsome features, looking very professional in his expensive suit. You wanted to look feminine and pretty, instead of being dirty and sweaty, wearing a pair of tracksuits, but sometimes your work required you to look more worn out than you wished to be. He had a certain aura that kept pulling you towards him, but as confident as you were in your abilities to protect your country and your people, you were just as uncertain about your appearance when you appeared in front of Billy.

“Yes, I have. Care to explain why I can't reach you on your phone?” He asked, his features unimpressed with your lack of availability.

“I was training, I can’t possibly bring my phone with me everywhere,” you replied frowning, but you quickly adjusted your expressions, before he could have scolded you. It was clear that he wasn’t happy with your reply, but he dismissed it after all.

“Come to my office at 1700 hours. I have a couple things to discuss with you,” he replied in an authoritative manner.

“I have to train the new recruits at 4,” you explained, but he just shook his head.

“Ask someone to replace you,” he stated firmly, accepting no objection. But you took your job very seriously and even though Billy was your boss, often you found yourself going against his decisions just to spite him.

“I can’t do that,” you stated, lips pursed to emphasise your objection. “There’s no one to cover me,” you added. His firm stance and sharp inhale reassured you that he was anything but happy with your answer. He took a step forward, forcing you to take a step back and collide with the wall behind you. Your chest felt as though it was a small box, containing only a small portion of oxygen, its lack of tightened your throat, starting your heart off in a dangerous pace, pounding hard against your ribcage. Billy’s presence always made you feel as though you couldn’t breathe. A simple gaze in your direction, a confident grin, his low, deep voice calling your name made you weak at the knees and left your mind wandering to paths you should have never gone to, causing thousands of butterflies to erupt in your belly.

“I’m your boss and I can change your schedule whenever I want to. I want to see you in my office at 1700 sharp, or else—” he didn’t finish the end of his sentence, but you were sure his ideas were entirely different from yours.

“Or else—?” It escaped your mouth involuntarily, receiving a low growl from Billy, a threatening aura, still it didn’t frighten you, if anything it encouraged you further. “I think we both know you will not fire me, Mr. Russo. I’m a very important asset to your company. I am a very dedicated employee and therefore I will try to adjust my schedule to fit your request, but I cannot promise anything, unless you personally can provide someone to take over from me,” you replied in a challenging manner, earning a questioningly raised brow from Billy. Trying to read his face you couldn’t decide if he was actually considering helping you or he was planning how to murder you in the spot.

A heavy sigh left his lungs, but he didn’t back away. “I will send Simon to cover you,” he said between gritted teeth.

“That is absolutely brilliant, I’m so glad we are on the same page,” you exclaimed with a wide grin across your face as you turned around to leave the man behind. However, before you could have left, he grabbed your arm and pulled you back against him, your palms landing on his hard chest, feeling every inch of each fine muscle under your touch.

“Pay attention to your attitude because it has gotten out of hands recently and you are standing on a very fine line,” he whispered, his breath tickling your cheeks. Indeed, you have been rather free with your words and actions around Billy, and you knew you were playing with fire, but it seemed that was the only way to get his attention.

“I might be pushing some boundaries, but my only intention is for the company to work effectively, to produce people that do their tasks efficiently meanwhile wearing Anvil’s name with pride. If I neglect my duties and ignore my job, even if it’s for your request, what use am I to the company?” you asked with a certain pride. Whilst your intention was to object to Billy once again, to be somewhat bratty, every word that left your lips were true. Anvil has given you more than you could have ever wished for and not even Billy could stop you from making this company one of the most well-working organisations.

Billy took a sharp inhale, trying to decide whether you were just being spoilt once again, because you were indeed aware of your own worth, or if the company really took priority in your eyes. His nod reassured you of the latter as he let go of your arm.

“I like the way you are thinking, but it doesn’t excuse your attitude. You are an important asset to the company, but not irreplaceable. By the time you come to see me in the afternoon, try to get rid of it,” he spoke sternly, before he shook his head and offered you a cocky grin as he turned around and left you in the corridor. You couldn’t stop the tiny smile from appearing in the corner of your lips, his expression reassured you that you were anything but invisible in his eyes.

As you were leading a shooting session for your team, Billy interrupted your practice, clearing his throat whilst leaning against the doorframe, watching your people. You looked at your watch, afraid of being late, but according to your time, you weren’t even anywhere near the time you were supposed to be in his office.

“Keep practising,” you instructed them as you walked back to Billy, whose arms were folded in front of his chest, his eyes following every step you took towards him. “Is everything okay?” you asked as you stopped in front of him.

“Hmm,” he replied with a simple hum and a single nod. He seemed to have something on his mind, and you were sure he would soon voice his opinion. Biting his lip, he grimaced slightly. “Your team needs more practice,” he added nonchalantly. Your eyes widened and you quickly turned around to check on the targets. Indeed, there were some errors, but you were overall satisfied with their performance, they were former members of the US Armed Forces after all. Inhaling sharply, you turned back to him, staring at his expressionless face.

“Is this really why you came here?” You asked with a questioningly raised brow.

“I was just wondering how useful you are to the company since you have been walking around voicing your importance. Just like you did in the morning, if I recall correctly,” he shrugged casually.

“Let me see if I understand. After all I have done for the company and for you, now you are checking on my people and my progress, questioning how much we are worth to your goddamn company?” You hissed in anger. Billy seemed to be on a roll attempting to piss you off at any given time. Usually, you could keep your act together, but he has done nothing but insulted you that day and he was very close to reaching your limits. You stared into his eyes and in the lowest, most threatening tone you could manage, you continued. “Listen to me Russo, I can take a lot, I’m quite a resilient person, but I’m very close to walking out of here and never coming back. If you would like me to leave then say it, but if not and you would like me to keep working for you, then let me do my job and leave me alone for the rest of the day,” you exhaled sharply and after a deadly gaze directed at your boss, you turned away and joined your team. Your blood was boiling from the amount of anger he could bring out in you, as if he found your frustration entertaining. Although you expected him to come after you and give you a monologue about humbling yourself, by the time you looked back towards the entrance, he was long gone.

It was already 5pm and Simon was nowhere to be found. You instructed the new recruits to take a 5-minute break from the exercises you have given them as you rocked from one leg to the other trying to calm yourself, slowly exhaling and inhaling. Preparing for the scolding you were about to receive from Billy, your blood pressure had risen. You groaned as you saw Simon run through the door, heavily apologising for his lateness. Shaking your head, you walked up to him and instructed him about the details of the recruits’ further training. By the time you were supposed to be in Billy’s office, you were jogging across the narrow corridors of Anvil, trying to minimise the nagging Billy was about to give you for not arriving in time.

“You are late,” you heard his voice as you opened the door, grimacing at the harsh tone. Billy didn’t even look up from his desk, his eyes were attached to the paperwork he was signing off.

“Not my fault,” you added, walking up to the table and sitting down across Billy.

“I told you to be precise,” he groaned, unhappy about your lateness.

“Next time send someone who actually appears in time,” you retorted, feeling fed up with his continued scolding.

“Once again you have that attitude,” he cleared his throat in frustration.

“Russo!” You shot up from your chair, placing your hands on his paperwork, staring straight into his eyes. “I’m aware that I have a slight problem with my attitude, but I don’t think it’s fair that you blame me for something I had no say in. You have asked Simon to replace me, still at 5pm sharp I was still in the training hub alone with the recruits, because he was late,” you replied firmly.

“I don’t think I have asked for an excuse, so why do I have to listen?” He asked with a deep frown, slowly standing up from his chair, his stance projecting authority. But at that moment, you couldn’t care less. Your blood was rushing through your veins, your built-up frustration threatening to reveal itself. As if Billy’s mere purpose was to dance on your nerves. And he was successful.

“Billy,” you called his first name with clenched teeth. You have gotten used to calling him Mr. Russo or Russo, even though you were close to each other. However recently he has been deliberately annoying you and you couldn’t take it anymore. Indeed, you wanted to get some kind of reaction out of him with your brattiness, but receiving the same attitude didn’t seem that entertaining. You knew you were supposed to be professional when you were working, even though he made it his mission to piss you off, but you just lost your self-control. “I have done nothing for this company but work my ass off to help you. When you asked, I had to be at two even three places at the same time. I have no life, because every single free time and day off I’m supposed to be having, I have to spend here to help you. I don’t mind, because I love working here and I want to make this company a better place. But you are the one talking about my attitude, even though I have never asked for anything in return?! Have I ever asked for a raise even if you dumped hours of work on me? You keep me here from early morning to late evening and I’ve never once complained, still you dare to talk about my attitude? Please, tell me what your problem is with me, because recently I feel like it’s your mission to get on my nerves. At this point the only thing I can think of is that you want me to quit because that’s the kind of hostility that comes across from you,” you huffed releasing all your frustration on your boss.

“You—” he wanted to speak up, but you didn’t let him. It was your time to talk, and you didn’t even give him a chance to object.

“No, I’m speaking,” you interrupted him, earning a sharp inhale from the man. “I understand that I’m only a mere subordinate, and I know I should not have the attitude that I do take on sometimes, but I am still a human and I don’t have to deal with your moodiness on a daily basis,” you hissed. “Tell me honestly, is it your mission to get me to quit? Because at this point you are very close to forcing me to resign and—” you had no way to finish the sentence as Billy grabbed the back of your neck and pulled your lips against his, earning a moan from you. He only let go of you for a second to get around the table, his movements quick as though he was a lion hunting down his prey. He attached his lips to yours once again, pushing you up on the table and positioning himself between your thighs. He sneaked his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him, his other hand firmly holding you close to him by the back of your neck, wanting nothing but to reduce the proximity between the two of you.

“Do you ever shut up?” He asked, breathing heavily against your lips. “I hear nothing but your continuous yapper,” he groaned as he laid his forehead against yours, massaging random patterns on your thigh. “Why on earth do you think I have given you so much job to do, you dumb woman? Can you be any more oblivious? I didn’t just dump all those random tasks on you and left you to do them, did I? I stayed behind with you, isn’t that, right?” he asked through gritted teeth. “You really know how to get on my nerves, and this certainly isn’t how I imagined this to come out, but you make it impossible for me to keep my cool,” he inhaled slowly, forcefully pulling you closer to him as he stood between your legs, making you moan at the contact. “I’m going to give you two options now,” he stated as he took a step back, giving you space to think. You can walk out that door, act like nothing happened and we will go back to being a boss and an employee. Or you can stay, and we continue what we started. But then there’s no turning back. I don’t just let go of what’s mine,” for a moment you ran the options through a logical part of your mind, that screamed for you to walk out the door. But you couldn’t possibly listen to the voice when you could finally be Billy’s after you have done so much for the man you longed for.

You grabbed his belt and pulled him between your legs, whispering against his lips. “Close that door,” Billy’s jaw clenched and without a second to waste he stood by the door, locking it behind him and getting back to you in haste, capturing your lips with his hands exploring every part of your body.

“So, have I become irreplaceable now?” You asked with a proud, overly confident grin as his hands tried to remove your shirt impatiently. His eyes darkened at your words, his hands stopping mid-air.

“Don’t get cocky with me,” he groaned, grabbing your jaw and connecting your lips once again, trying to get you out of your clothes. Whatever Billy called you for was long forgotten for the rest of the evening, you were busier with each other’s company.

Notes: If you enjoyed reading this little piece, please don’t forget to leave a like, comment and reblog. Your opinion matters and gives us motivation. Thank you ^^

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Taglist is in a reblog from now on.

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #ben barnes #ben barnes x reader #anvil #billy russo x reader fanfiction #billy russo fanfiction

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hargrove-mayfields · 3 years

Note

the tags on your football Billy story about autistic kids not being allowed to play sports, gave me the idea of Steve with autism not being allowed on the basketball team and how Billy and maybe Tommy if you want since you write kegboys sometimes would react

It doesn’t take Billy long to notice him, the benchwarmer boy who sits on the sidelines, never getting his shot in a single game, just riding the bench with a smile on his face.

At first he sort of pegs it to mean the kid is just really not good, maybe riding the tails of his daddy’s sportsmanship legacy, but then Billy realizes something, that this kid doesn’t even get to play at practice.

He shows up and he sits there like being excluded is the happiest he’s ever been, and the only time he ever has the ball in his hands at all is if it’s to toss it to one of the boys on the court when it rolls to him.

Despite this though, he has his very own jersey. Number zero. Harrington.

Billy asks Tommy after practice once who this mysterious jersey kid is, and he smiles sort of tight, like maybe Billy shouldn’t have asked him that, and tells him, “I’ll introduce you.”

Tommy walks over to the kid and tells him something that makes him light up, jump to his feet and follow Tommy back over, “Billy, this is my best friend, Steve Harrington.”

Steve just sort of waves, so Billy jumps straight into it. This kid intrigues him and he wants to know more, “There a reason you don’t play, Harrington?”

In response he shrugs his shoulders, hands stuffed in the pockets of his way too big basketball shorts, “I’m not allowed.”

“Why not? You fail some test or something?” Billy tries to ask lightly, not noticing the way Tommy’s face scrunches up before Steve drops a bombshell on him instead, “They don’t let special ed kids on the basketball team.”

And if that’s not bad enough, Tommy then adds, though significantly more bitter than even Steve is, “Or on any team for that matter, whether it’s sports or clubs or debate, you name it. School board denies every last application.”

“Oh.” Billy frowns, totally dumbfounded, his school in California never had any issues with that, “Oh that- that’s bullshit.”

“I know.” They say at the same time, prompting Billy to ask, “They don’t even have like, a separate team?”

“Not enough kids would do it.” Tommy says, and he gets a sharp look from Steve, who corrects him quickly, “Not enough kids could get permission to do it.”

“But that’s such bullshit.” Billy repeats, not very helpfully.

“Nothing we can do about it. We’ve tried everything. Not even momma Harrington could convince the school board, and let me tell you, that woman is scary.”

Steve elbows Tommy for that one, and Tommy laughs softly, throws an arm around his shoulder, but Billy is thinking, biting the corner of his nail in concentration, “Why don’t we start our own team?”

“I don’t know.” Steve’s face scrunches up, and he turns to Tommy, like he doesn’t trust what Billy says, so Billy continues, “No, I’m serious. School says you can’t play for them, so fuck ‘em. There’s courts in the park, I have a ball, and I’m out there half the time watching my little sister anyways. Let’s start our own team.”

Tommy answers for him, “Practice takes up too much time. We’re not gonna be much of a team unless we’re going to be playing at night or in the winter.”

“Then we quit the tigers.” Billy shrugs, like it’s obvious.

Instantly Tommy narrows his eyes, “Very funny, man.”

On the other hand though, Steve looks at him with awe written all over his face, eyes wide and spelling, “You’d really quit for me?”

And Billy, he plays it off like that look doesn’t make his heart melt, claiming, “For you and for Max who’s been talking my ear off about how much she wants to play soccer and whose heart is going to break when she finds out she can’t.”

Convinced, Tommy looks over at Steve, “If you’re in Stevie, I’m in too.”

Steve seems like he’s considering his options, drumming his fingers on the outside of his thigh, occasionally humming softly in thought, and it’s making Billy impatient.

“So?” He asks, to which Steve nods a confirmation to his offer, his hair bouncing with his enthusiasm.

Tommy cracks a crooked smile, holds out a hand for Billy to shake, seal the deal, “You’ve got yourself a team, Hargrove.”

They decide not to give their little team a name, the idea of being called something feels too exclusive, which was the reason they’d all quit the school's team in the first place. Billy had gotten in big trouble when his dad found out he quit for wasting their time and money on basketball, but that was all bullshit anyways, games were only usually a half hour long and were free to get into for the players family, and the school paid for the uniforms.

But that was what he said and what he’d been going to punish Billy for until they found out about the reasoning behind quitting, after which Susan was flattered he cared so much about his little sister, and he got his permission to freely go down to the park and play with the “special” kid.

Neil of course didn’t care about him doing it for Max, he was just concerned with Billy’s public image. Playing ball with the richest family in town's dopey son did nothing but good things for the way their neighbors saw him, so he’d allow it.

A few weeks into their games though, which are mostly just playing HORSE or teaching Steve how to do trickier shots since no coach ever would, Billy has to bring Max along because nobody was going to be home and she wasn’t allowed to be by herself. It’s a dreary day so there aren’t many people around at all, so he decides he’s going to loosen her leash, and walks her over to the playground (that they can see clearly from the courts, he’s not that irresponsible.)

He teasingly offers to push Max on the swings or lift her up to the monkey bars, making her roll her eyes and proudly declare that she’s not a baby anymore, so he chuckles and leaves her be, walking back to the basketball hoops.

Tommy and Steve are just sitting on the old wooden bench just off to the side of the court, waiting for Billy to get back because he’s their little impromptu coach and they can’t start without him, but he notices that they’re sitting awful close together, and between them, Tommy’s hand sits slightly on top of Steve’s, pinky fingers linked together.

Now he knows these two are affectionate, he couldn’t even count how many times Tommy picked Steve up after he made a good shot or ruffled his hair and smiled at him when he messed up, but that was all just friendly affection.

This was different though, he could tell it was from the way Tommy’s eyes snap up and he pulls his hand away, the both of them looking away from each other guiltily.

He feels a little something like jealousy in his chest, or maybe it was just anxiety at the fact that they’d been so obviously holding hands in the public park, but either way, he just kind of freezes up, looking between their two terrified faces until Tommy’s turns angry, standing from the bench so fast the old rusty things creaks loudly and Steve has to cover his ears.

He grabs the front of the baggy jersey Billy wears from his old school's team, the bears, and gets right up in his face, sneering, “You gonna say something, Hargrove?”

And Billy’s not afraid of Tommy, he might be mean, but he’s on his toes to threaten him, and he’s pretty sure they both know Billy would win the fight anyways. He’s not going to fight him though, and he makes that clear, putting his hands up as a clear sign of not going to sock Tommy for yelling at him, “Secrets safe with me, dudes. You go down, I’m going down with you.”

Tommy doesn’t get it though, because he growls, “Right. ‘Cause all that matters is what will happen to your reputation after giving up your precious sport just to hang with a couple of fags, right?”

“Tom.” Steve snaps, but he gets ignored, Billy arguing over him, “Actually, no. You know all that talk about queer kids flocking together without even knowing? That doesn’t come from nothing. I out you, it’s putting a target on my back, and from there it won’t be not long before a little birdie tells the wrong person the right rumor and we’re all dead.”

“Oh.” Tommy says softly, his face falling.

Billy nods sarcastically in response, “Yeah, oh. So let go of my damn shirt before I find a reason to punch you in the face.”

“Can we just play basketball?” Comes a timid request from behind them, so Tommy lets go, wipes his hands on his shorts, and answers him, “‘Course we can, Stevie.”

It doesn’t take long for them to get bored though, none of them are really in the mood to play after that. They play a small game that’s pretty much just Tommy blocking Billy the whole time, but after he shoots the ball they all just let it roll, none of them caring enough to keep the play going. So instead, Tommy offers up his place to hang out there.

It sounds at least better than this, so Billy drops Max off back at home, making her promise not to do anything stupid to get them in trouble until he gets back later that night, and heads straight to Tommy’s like they planned.

The whole drive he’s worrying that they’re gonna pissed at him and beating himself up for not just pretending like he didn’t notice, to the point where he almost just drives right past, but Steve waves at his car from the front window, and he can’t do all this petty angry shit to him.

Tommy’s house is empty for the night, so that means two things, that they’re free to drink as much as they want, (smoking’s a no go though, the smell is too strong and makes Steve upset), and that Steve sits right on Tommy’s lap like it’s nothing.

Which, it is nothing. Billy just told them he was gay too, and now they don’t have to hide from their best friend, so it’s common sense that they wouldn’t.

But Billy, well, he wouldn’t say he’s jealous watching the two of them together, it just makes his chest burn every time they touch or laugh at some joke and whisper amongst themselves like he isn’t even there, or when Steve kisses Tommy’s cheek.

Yeah no, there’s no pretending, Billy is totally jealous. He’s had a thing for Tommy since like, day one of practice when he bounced a basketball back in his own face trying to show off, and Steve for just as long, yearning to know more about the pretty faced mystery kid who turned out to be a total sweetheart and won him over. It’s tearing him to shreds watching them just being happy together without being a part of that.

He wonders if these small town boys have ever even heard of having more than one partner other than like, mormons, and if they haven’t, how is he supposed to bring it up without sounding like a total weirdo. Maybe he could claim that he was just trying not to be left out since they were probably the only queer kids in Hawkins. Or maybe not and Tommy would try to kick his ass again for even trying.

He doesn’t have to do much wondering though, because as pointedly as he’s trying to ignore them, Steve keeps getting closer to Billy on the couch until he’s sitting in his lap, and Billy has to ask, blue eyes going a little wide, cheeks flushing red in a way that had nothing to do with the sunburn he’d gotten at the park earlier, “What’re you doing Steve?”

“You included me. Now I’m including you.” Steve hums and leans his head on Billy’s shoulder, holding eye contact with Tommy.

To say that Billy is flustered and doesn’t know what to do with himself is more than an understatement. He'd like to say he’s not the most inexperienced one here, but it’s not looking good, because he’s flushed as red as a tomato, and the only thing he can think to say is just, “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.” Tommy says and smiles that big goofy smile of his, a playful imitation of their little argument from before, “And I’d much rather you kiss me than punch me.”

#kegboys #steve x billy x tommy #billy hargrove #steve harrington #tommy hagan #autistic steve!#ej writer #story by ej!#requests #based heavily on personal experience lol #thank you anon for reading my mind #and for the request <3

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traincat · 3 years

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Disregard my last ask because the latest issue raised a troubling question that I, as a black man, feel the need to clarify with you, a woman. That whole whole Ned Leeds/Betty Brant business is sexual assault via deception right? Like you know more about Clones and Spider-Man 616 than I but I feel like that’s besides the point because it happened to Betty. She is carrying the child of whom she thought was her dead ex-husband. And Ned clone has to know he is a clone. He has to know. Unlike Ben and Kaine, he has the awareness and information of the Jackal and the awareness of his progenitor’s death.

Or am I reaching too far and reading too far into things?

I'm glad you came back and asked this specific question because it's definitely something I have a lot of thoughts on, and I’m glad you asked my thoughts on it as a woman because I think this is one of those comic book storylines that’s hard for me to divorce that fact from -- the fact that I’m a woman definitely plays into how I view this storyline specifically and how it effects me, in ways I don’t think were necessarily intended by some of the writers involved in its ongoing arc who were not looking at things from the same perspective I’m coming at them from. I definitely don't think you're reaching or reading too far into things -- I think that is what's being presented on the page, albeit likely without authorial intent. Just as like a general disclaimer, I'm not closely following Spencer's run for the sheer reason that I'm not enjoying it very much, although I'm aware of the general directions it's taking through friends and social media. But I actually think this Betty/Ned issue goes back pretty far.

First things first, I think Clone Conspiracy really wreaked havoc on how Spider-Man as a series has always handled clones. Pre-Clone Conspiracy, there was a very clear clone narrative going on: clones are their own person, they are not direct copies or replacements of the original. You see this with Ben Reilly and you see it with the Gwen Stacy clones. Clones are treated as their own individuals, even if they have to struggle to get to that point -- there's even an issue of Spider-Man Unlimited where Ben and Betty go on a date. Betty doesn't know that Ben is Peter's clone -- he's introduced as his cousin -- and they both reflect on how you can't go back to the way things were. So even though Ben has all of Peter's memories regarding his initial romance with Betty, the narrative makes it clear that Ben and Betty cannot recapture that connection or that exact relationship.

Here's where Clone Conspiracy changed everything, in my opinion for the worse: Clone Conspiracy's clone narrative is that these clones are, essentially, the original person. I believe the Marvel wiki still actually lists the end of Clone Conspiracy as 616 Gwen Stacy's issue of death instead of Amazing Spider-Man #121, because Clone Conspiracy treated that Gwen not simply as a clone with all of the same memories, but as essentially Gwen resurrected through a cloning process. The Billy Connors who was cloned is treated as the same Billy Connors who was killed by his father in Shed (Amazing Spider-Man #630-633). And the clone Ned is treated as the same as 616 Ned. This is a mess, to put it simply, because it goes against all the previous Spider-Man cloning narratives and, honestly, most popular sci-fi clone narratives, and it's seriously undermining decades of good Spider-Man storytelling in ways that Slott didn't address and that Spencer seems unwilling to. It probably wouldn't have been a very big deal -- a frustrating one, but not a big one -- if all of the clones had perished at the end of Clone Conspiracy, but they didn't. Billy Connors escaped, and it's immensely frustrating to me to see Peter treating the Connors family reunion as something he can tolerate when Curt Connors ate his kid, and the Ned clone slithered away in the gutters to, I assume, spite me personally.

Which brings us to the current Betty Brant storyline in Amazing Spider-Man, where Betty has showed up heavily pregnant and informed Peter that the child is Ned's.

Yeah, I would say this is in fact the worst possible part. (ASM (2018) #67) Just speaking for myself, I'm generally not anti-pregnancy or baby storylines in comics, but this one is making me very uncomfortable for reasons beside Spencer being apparently unable to find any way to fit Betty into his stories without her showing pregnant.

So I'm actually going to take this back way, way to when Betty and Ned first got married, with some explanation of who Ned Leeds is for the uninformed, because, especially with the MCU's Ned Leeds in the mix, he's not exactly the world's most well known Spider-Man character. (I’m sure @ubernegro, who is much more well read on Miles Morales’ canon than I am, has thoughts on how the MCU’s Ned borrowed heavily off the character of Ganke Lee with a 616 Peter Parker character’s name pasted over him.) Ned was initially introduced as Peter's competition for Betty's affections -- Ned was older than both Peter and Betty, a working reporter, and presented as the more "stable" option compared to Peter, who of course Betty vastly preferred before circumstances tore them apart. Ned and Betty married in Amazing Spider-Man #156 and jetsetted off to Europe for Ned's job. This is where the cracks in the marriage began. Betty later reveals that she felt abandoned by Ned in Europe, to the point where she was able to come back to New York without his immediate notice -- as a woman, it's very easy to read their relationship at this point as being one filled with, if not abuse, then emotional neglect. Betty and Peter have a quick extramarital affair at this point -- Peter has just broken up with Mary Jane and Betty claims she and Ned are separating -- that persists until Ned returns and punches Peter over it.

(ASM #193)

(ASM #229) Betty and Ned reconcile off panel shortly thereafter, but that's pretty far from the end of the story. It's implied that the problems Betty and Ned previously had start to develop again, namely that Betty feels abandoned by Ned, that he is inattentive and, again, as a woman, it's hard not to read it as emotional neglect, if not abuse -- yet. Betty does start another affair at this point, this time with Flash Thompson, and Ned starts acting strangely. It would later be retconned that he was suffering the effects of hypnotism by the Hobgoblin, but like I said, that's a retcon, and what was happening at the time was that Ned was acting erratically in part because he was the villainous Hobgoblin. Ned becomes controlling, threatening, and verbally and physically abusive towards Betty.

(ASM #284)

(ASM #283) "I suppose you think it's all right for a wife to cheat on her husband!" "No -- but I won't let you hurt her, either." Leaving aside that Peter also had an affair with Betty, something he's conveniently forgetting in the above panels, I've always really liked this exchange, because the narrative makes it clear through Peter's response to Ned that, whatever the audience may think of Betty for cheating on Ned, it is reprehensible for Ned to publicly humiliate her and/or physically abuse her as a response.

Then Ned Leeds dies in Spider-Man vs Wolverine and he's revealed as the Hobgoblin posthumously shortly thereafter and that remains canon for years and years until it's later retconned out, as comics are wont to do. But that's not really that important for this conversation -- my point being, at one point in Spider-Man canon, it's made fairly clear to the reader that Ned is an abusive husband. He emotionally neglected and abused Betty several times over and physically hurt her at least once on panel, with the clear intent that the reader should realize that he is physically hurting her. So for me as a reader and as a woman, this has always been a really uncomfortable relationship. I have a problem with later Spider-Man comics claiming that it's "not Ned's fault" that he abused Betty because of the retcon that he was hypnotized, and I have a problem with the MCU making Betty and Ned into a cute summer fling in Spider-Man: Far From Home, because I feel like Ned's clear abuse of Betty either gets excused or entirely glossed over. And I don’t think the initial abuse storyline is bad -- I think there’s some amount of value in portraying Betty as a woman who marries too young, who experiences a terrible marriage, and who then spends years recovering from that marriage, which was the case up until they retconned Ned’s abuse of her as a side effect of him being controlled by the real Hobgoblin. What I’m specifically uncomfortable with is the post-retcon attitude that since Ned didn’t really mean to abuse Betty, it’s perfectly fine to portray the relationship in a positive light when even before Ned’s abuse became physical that wasn’t the case. I think that’s ultimately really irresponsible storytelling. As a reader, I’m not against soap opera style storylines -- someone getting impregnated by a cone of their ex-husband seems pretty par for the course. But there’s so much additional context here that I still haven’t entirely processed how I feel about this Betty storyline, except that what I feel isn’t positive.

So yes, I would agree with you when I say I think there’s quite a lot of deception involved in Betty’s pregnancy storyline -- the Ned clone didn’t tell her he was a clone, even though he had full knowledge of that fact, just as he had full knowledge of how badly the original Ned treated Betty over the course of their relationship -- that renders their sexual encounter and Betty’s pregnancy uncomfortable for me as a reader, to put it mildly. I don’t think it’s out of character for the Ned clone, given that he acts much like the original Ned: he’s selfish and controlling, withholding information from Betty to suit his own needs. The tragedy of Ned and Betty isn’t that Ned died, as more recent Spider-Man stories like to portray it -- including this one, where Betty doesn’t have the knowledge that a) the Ned she reunited with was a clone and not the original and b) that that clone later died. (ASM #816.) The tragedy is that writers continue to force Betty Brant into Ned Leeds storylines instead of letting her as a character grow past him, and that the only way Spencer thought to include her, one of the longest running Spider-Man characters, back in the story was to have her appear starry-eyed over carrying the child of (the clone of) her abusive ex-husband, and the tragedy is that nobody writing more recent Betty and Ned interactions seems to realize that Ned was a villain not because he was briefly the Hobgoblin but because of how he treated Betty.

#betty brant #ned leeds #marvel comics #long post/#wednesday spoilers #traincat talks comics #*replies

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