Cowboys Are Frequently, Secretly Fond of Each Other

lived my whole life in guilt bc i thought i was responsible for people's feelings. newly realizing that other people are responsible for their feelings and reactions, even if they make it seem like i'm the problem. a lot of the time it really has to do w them and their own emotional regulation. i can't keep thinking i'm not allowed to have space bc of other people's insecurities. like i literally refuse to dim myself. other people are responsible for their feelings just as i'm responsible for mine.

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

"You treat your mouth as if it's Heaven's gate"

[Too Sweet by Hozier]

hey I went to Bad At It island and everyone you know was there. yeah turns out you just see the version of them they put forwards in order to not disappoint and in actuality everyone is just trying their best which doesn't always mean succeeding. yeah you were there as well but it's ok because you're surrounded by your friends and loved ones and if you take a moment you'll realise we are all flawed by nature but we are all full of love for one another and that matters more than any skill or success or achievement.

fake dating au where shuro ends up pretending to go out with laios in order to secure his inheritance.... but is it really what he wants? a journey of romance and self discovery that ill never ever write

game night pt. 2: the return of tim

for real! (from kadji amin)

[Image description: Screenshot of text:

What I've realized is that I believe that the matter of gender is practical and relational. It's not about who you are inside, it's more about how you would feel most comfortable in the world. It's not 'Who are you?' but 'How do you want to live?'

Had that been the discourse when I was coming up, I would have breathed a sigh of relief. I don't have to figure out who I am on the inside, I just have to figure out how I want to live.

end of ID]

ugh... this sceeeeeeene 🥰 STRANGER THINGS | 4.01

So I read dreams end come true and WOW. It lives absolutely rent free in my head forever now.

hell on earth

for the amount of time i spend thinking about erika ishii, i do not post about them NEARLY enough

everything i've ever seen them in, they have been fully dialed in. they understand the genre, they understand the character they're playing, and they NEVER. FUCKING. MISS

my current dnd character is actually based on multiple characters of erika's that i enjoy. my character is a witch (like ame of worlds beyond number fame [thank you to the witch class playtest]) but she is also a brewer who grows weed and shrooms, and deals them, and does them (and her personality is very much modeled off of danielle barkstock in dimension 20's the seven)

i feel that many of my favorite moments from erika are often focused on other characters. but many of those character moments would not have been possible without erika's incredible roleplay and sense for storytelling

and when the moment IS focused on erika's character? spellbinding. groundbreaking. from ame talking to orima in the overgrown shrine to danielle getting a nat 20 at the masquerade ball, i always fall into the scene and feel it so deeply due to erika's skill and poise and commitment to the story being told

tldr i think erika ishii is incredibly talented and wonderful

galleria

speedpaint under cut

imagine being on the board of a billion dollar company voting on its future and you hear I AM THE ELDEST BOY in the next meeting room over like how cringe im screaming

Boring: Video game sequel establishes that the secret "true ending" with lots of fiddly unlocking criteria is what canonically happened.

Also boring: Video game sequel establishes that the unlockable secret ending is a counterfactual "what if" scenario and the standard ending is what canonically happened.

Not boring: Video game sequel establishes that the non-standard game over you receive if you somehow manage to die during the tutorial is what canonically happened.

Charlie: Just be yourself.

Sir Pentious: 'Be myself'? Charlie, I have one day to win Cherri Bomb over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Angel Dust: Couple weeks.

Husk: Six months.

Alastor: Jury’s still out.

Sir Pentious: See, Charlie?

Sir Pentious: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?