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prokopetz · 11 minutes
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"Reconstructing a human body using dragon flesh is perfectly safe", she said. "It's just like using cow or pig", she said.
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prokopetz · 32 minutes
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Cheaply made android whose actuators are wired up in series rather than in parallel, so every time they stub their toe the entire left side of their body stops working.
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prokopetz · 10 hours
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I don't think her hair is visible at any point, but she has a long, flowing red cloak that serves the same visual role, so I guess it sort of counts?
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prokopetz · 13 hours
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would love your pontifications upon a Dune metroidvania
The only genre of video game that could possibly capture the scope and depth of Dune's narrative is the match-three dating sim.
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prokopetz · 14 hours
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would love your pontifications upon a Dune metroidvania
The only genre of video game that could possibly capture the scope and depth of Dune's narrative is the match-three dating sim.
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prokopetz · 16 hours
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I suspect the reason some folks are surprised when I describe stuff like Duke Nukem 3D as "90s edgy" is because they think of 1990s edgy as being synonymous with 1990 grimdark. While there was certainly a big overlap, the two were not identical. Apart from grimdark edgy, you had:
deliberately gross "underground comix containment breach" edgy (see: Ren & Stimpy and its various imitators, among others);
goofy "cop killing, one-liner quipping, pretty ladies with their tits out and fountains of candy-red blood" edgy (any number of popular video games, including the aforementioned Duke Nukem);
blatant "the creator's barely concealed piss kink" edgy (let's not get into it, but anyone who lived through it knows exactly what I mean);
... and more besides. 1990s edgy was a many-splendoured thing!
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prokopetz · 17 hours
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I think the funniest example of technically-not-a-furry I've ever personally encountered is a person who'd firmly insist "I'm not a furry because furries have fursonas, and I don't have a fursona. I just pay furries to draw pictures of me having sex with their fursonas, which is completely different."
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prokopetz · 17 hours
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Totally. There were comments earlier that this wouldn't be appropriate for the Duke because it's too meta, but his early characterisation – before he got Flanderised into an off-brand Johnny Bravo who's allowed to say "fuck" – is pretty genre-aware. He's (usually) not medium-aware, so it's not appropriate for him to go full Deadpool, but it's 100% in character for him to have enough genre awareness to have dumb opinions about the conventions of the medium.
Frankly, the biggest reason nobody can figure out how to make a Duke Nukem reboot work is because they think the 90s edgelord bullshit is the main reason that Duke Nukem 3D was such a breakout hit, when the truth of the matter is that it succeeded at least partly in spite of that. Duke Nukem 3D legitimately pushed the envelope in terms of what it was possible for a first-person shooter to be – in many ways it's just as foundational to the genre in its modern form as Wolfenstein 3D or Doom. You can't recapture that with dick jokes, and if you're not willing to take risks in terms of basic game design, dick jokes are all you have.
Ultimately, what the franchise really needs to shake off its creative rust is to stop trying to iterate on its established formula and shift genres entirely. To this end, I have a proposal: make the next Duke Nukem game a side-scrolling metroidvania. In this essay
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prokopetz · 19 hours
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You understand my vision.
(The folks in the tags remarking at that this reads like playing a Hollow Knight randomiser with some of the goofier too-clever challenge modes turned on and a bad RNG seed also understand my vision. It's difficult to overstate how much of Duke Nukem 3D's design ethos boils down to committing Fuckery™ upon the first-generation FPS formula.)
Frankly, the biggest reason nobody can figure out how to make a Duke Nukem reboot work is because they think the 90s edgelord bullshit is the main reason that Duke Nukem 3D was such a breakout hit, when the truth of the matter is that it succeeded at least partly in spite of that. Duke Nukem 3D legitimately pushed the envelope in terms of what it was possible for a first-person shooter to be – in many ways it's just as foundational to the genre in its modern form as Wolfenstein 3D or Doom. You can't recapture that with dick jokes, and if you're not willing to take risks in terms of basic game design, dick jokes are all you have.
Ultimately, what the franchise really needs to shake off its creative rust is to stop trying to iterate on its established formula and shift genres entirely. To this end, I have a proposal: make the next Duke Nukem game a side-scrolling metroidvania. In this essay
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prokopetz · 20 hours
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"Horizontal air-dash while facing left" and "horizontal air-dash while facing right" are separate upgrades, with a non-trivial span of gameplay between them. The puzzle design specifically exploits this. You cannot imagine how annoyed the Duke is.
Frankly, the biggest reason nobody can figure out how to make a Duke Nukem reboot work is because they think the 90s edgelord bullshit is the main reason that Duke Nukem 3D was such a breakout hit, when the truth of the matter is that it succeeded at least partly in spite of that. Duke Nukem 3D legitimately pushed the envelope in terms of what it was possible for a first-person shooter to be – in many ways it's just as foundational to the genre in its modern form as Wolfenstein 3D or Doom. You can't recapture that with dick jokes, and if you're not willing to take risks in terms of basic game design, dick jokes are all you have.
Ultimately, what the franchise really needs to shake off its creative rust is to stop trying to iterate on its established formula and shift genres entirely. To this end, I have a proposal: make the next Duke Nukem game a side-scrolling metroidvania. In this essay
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prokopetz · 20 hours
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No, the Duke is actually quite keen on double-jumping in principle. Whenever you find a new gadget he's like "come on, double jump, daddy needs that boost", only to be vocally (and vulgarly) disappointed each and every time when it turns out to be some other, more specialised kind of mobility upgrade, complete with unique dialogue about why each non-double-jump upgrade sucks ass.
(The actual much-hyped double jump upgrade is obtained during the post-final-boss escape sequence, less than two minutes before the end of the game, which really sets him off.)
Frankly, the biggest reason nobody can figure out how to make a Duke Nukem reboot work is because they think the 90s edgelord bullshit is the main reason that Duke Nukem 3D was such a breakout hit, when the truth of the matter is that it succeeded at least partly in spite of that. Duke Nukem 3D legitimately pushed the envelope in terms of what it was possible for a first-person shooter to be – in many ways it's just as foundational to the genre in its modern form as Wolfenstein 3D or Doom. You can't recapture that with dick jokes, and if you're not willing to take risks in terms of basic game design, dick jokes are all you have.
Ultimately, what the franchise really needs to shake off its creative rust is to stop trying to iterate on its established formula and shift genres entirely. To this end, I have a proposal: make the next Duke Nukem game a side-scrolling metroidvania. In this essay
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prokopetz · 20 hours
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Frankly, the biggest reason nobody can figure out how to make a Duke Nukem reboot work is because they think the 90s edgelord bullshit is the main reason that Duke Nukem 3D was such a breakout hit, when the truth of the matter is that it succeeded at least partly in spite of that. Duke Nukem 3D legitimately pushed the envelope in terms of what it was possible for a first-person shooter to be – in many ways it's just as foundational to the genre in its modern form as Wolfenstein 3D or Doom. You can't recapture that with dick jokes, and if you're not willing to take risks in terms of basic game design, dick jokes are all you have.
Ultimately, what the franchise really needs to shake off its creative rust is to stop trying to iterate on its established formula and shift genres entirely. To this end, I have a proposal: make the next Duke Nukem game a side-scrolling metroidvania. In this essay
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prokopetz · 21 hours
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Looking over the history of vampire-related tags on Tumblr can reveal informative trends. For example, for roughly the first decade of this site's life, expressions of interest in a vampire version of Seinfeld were a recurring motif, then in 2019 people suddenly stopped asking for that.
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prokopetz · 21 hours
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I regret to inform you that you do not in fact have "swag". Certainly you have pizzazz; you may even have a certain je ne sais quoi – but swag? That's something you're going to have to work on.
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prokopetz · 22 hours
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I had to permanently give up my terrible hidden power in order to save the world, and I'm slowly coming to realise that I resent literally everyone for that
If this poll gets a hundred thousand votes before the voting period is up I'll write a short-form tabletop RPG where you play as members of a former-girls-in-boxes support group.
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prokopetz · 22 hours
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My terrible hidden power directly or indirectly caused some sort of disaster for which I hold myself personally responsible
My terrible hidden power could help people, and I'm worried that my unwillingness to pay the price it exacts makes me a coward
I have a weirdly specific terrible hidden power and a bone-deep certainty that it's for something, but for the life of me I cannot articulate what that purpose is
If this poll gets a hundred thousand votes before the voting period is up I'll write a short-form tabletop RPG where you play as members of a former-girls-in-boxes support group.
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prokopetz · 22 hours
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I think the funniest example of technically-not-a-furry I've ever personally encountered is a person who'd firmly insist "I'm not a furry because furries have fursonas, and I don't have a fursona. I just pay furries to draw pictures of me having sex with their fursonas, which is completely different."
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