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exololyunho · 1 year

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just a babysitter

masterlist

wc: 6.4k

in desperate need of easy cash, you get set up with a babysitting gig that pays well, in both money and the view of your new boss. an innocent crush takes a turn during a lonely night that changes the employer-employee dynamic

warnings: unprotected sex, fingering, making out, brief mention of hickies, age difference (8 years), diff Yunho, one child

taglist! @becky4733107-blog

an: im not dead and I'm trying to start posting but life's been crazy lately. also sorry if this is a little disjointed it was written in chunks and has been in my drafts since December

Your bank account balance was a grand total of $136.89. Thankfully, you lived in school housing, so rent wasn’t an issue, but groceries, sorority fees, and textbooks were.

You needed a job, bad. Your senior year classes took up almost the entire day except for Wednesdays and Fridays and therefore didn’t leave you with many options besides a shitty fast food restaurant nearby or, as your friend San had so eloquently put it, a gentlemen’s club. You had shot the fucker down, telling him so way in hell you would become a stripper. All respect to them, but you just didn’t have the coordination or the skill to become one.

Nowhere else in town was hiring as quicker students than you had snatched up better positions so you were fucked.

San’s smarter friend, Yeosang had said he might actually have somewhere you could work where you were expected to keep your clothes on and you wouldn’t come home smelling like a fryer.

His great-great-great grandbig was looking for a babysitter for his daughter. That sounded promising. If he had been a brother of ATZ, San and Yeosang’s frat, he had to be a nice guy and probably a good boss. ATZ was known for being good guys around campus, men that everyone was comfortable around. They still held crazy fun parties, but they took care to make them safe. That meant no punch bowls, no one they didn’t know invited, no glass, and plenty of sealed water bottles for inebriated guests.

It was during one of their parties freshman year that you had met San and Yeosang. It had been your first college party and your first party after getting accepted into ATY, ATZ’s sister organization. The three of you became fast friends and you quickly became acquainted with their other brothers, too.

Yeosang had told you he’d get you in touch with his many times great grandbig. Within a day after he mentioned it, you got texts from one Jeong Yunho. After exchanging greetings and letting him know you were available from 3 pm on every day except Mondays, Yunho invited you over the next Thursday afternoon for a trial run. He had told you he mostly worked from home doing something business related that had sounded rich, but every Wednesday and Friday he had to go into the office.

That brought you to now, standing in front of the massive house in a fancy neighborhood. The front door was red and had a gold plated knocker. It looked menacing. The rest of the house was equally as intimidating. It was white with red accents and was two stories tall. The manicured lawn and perfectly sculpted bushes screamed ‘I pay someone to do this for me.’

You steadied yourself, smoothing out the loose black slacks you wore and making sure your olive green blouse was tucked in right before you raised your hand to knock.

You didn’t get a chance, though, because the door swung inwards to reveal a little girl. Yunho had told you she was five, but she looked very tall for a five year old. Her black hair was in pigtails and she was wearing a purple dress. She peaked out at you shyly, half hidden behind the door.

You smiled, trying to be as friendly as possible. You squatted down the porch. “Hello, you must be Eunha.”

Her pigtails bounced as she nodded and stepped out from behind the door. She seemed hesitant but she walked much closer to you until you were nearly face to face. Her small hands balanced on your shoulders as she stared into your eyes. This was a little odd.

“Are you my mommy?”

Your jaw dropped open and you struggled to find an answer that wasn’t a shouted ‘no!’ Thankfully, you didn’t have to struggle long.

“Eunha! What did I say about opening the door for strangers?” A man appeared in the entryway. You hadn’t had a chance to take in the interior of the house and now you definitely weren’t. The man in front of you was tall, fit, and handsome. His black hair looked like it probably needed a trim, but it was framing his face messily in an extremely flattering way. And god his face. He was extremely handsome, but his features were soft and inviting even as he looked from you to his daughter in concern.

“She didn’t say anything weird, did she? She’s still figuring out boundaries with strangers,” the man, who you correctly assumed to be Jeong Yunho, picked the girl up.

“Um…” you didn’t really want to mention what she said. It would probably be awkward and you didn’t want to start off your trial run by asking Yunho about the girl's most likely absent mother.

“Oh god she did,” he looked at the child in his arms. “What did you say, Eunie?”

The nickname was so sweet but you didn’t have time to swoon over such a handsome man with a little girl in his arms because the kid pointed at you.

“Mom?”

You cringed and looked away from them.

“God, I’m so sorry Y/n,” your name coming from his mouth gave you butterflies and a blush, which you hoped he took as you being somewhat embarrassed by this girl you just met calling you mom. “No Eunie, we’ve talked about this. This is Y/n, your new babysitter.”

“Oh,” the little menace looked like she was thinking. “But I like her, why can’t she be mommy?”

She liked you? You’d barely shared ten words and you’d met her about a minute ago.

Yunho looked like he was thinking the same as he stared at his daughter before looking at you. “No, baby, she's here to be your friend while daddy has to work.”

Something was wrong with you. The way he called himself daddy made you hot in ways you should not be while there was a child between you two.

“Fine,” Eunha was pouting while Yunho shook his head.

He set her down on the ground. “Go play, darling, I need to talk to Miss Y/n.”

The little girl darted off through one of the doorways in the entryway and you breathed a sigh of relief. He gestured for you to come in, removing your shoes while he shut the door behind you. With the two of you standing next to each other you finally realized how tall he was and how good he looked, even if he was half dressed for work in just slacks and a white button down.

“I am so sorry, Y/n,” he rubbed the back of his head. “She’s a weird kid. She scares off every babysitter by pulling some weird crap like this, so I totally understand if you want to back out.”

“As long as she doesn’t try to stab me, I think I’ll be ok, Mr. Jeong,” you’d dealt with far worse kids after babysitting in high school. Granted, none of them had called you mom before, but Eunha seemed unthreatening, even if she was odd.

“Just Yunho is ok. Mr. Jeong makes me feel old,” his ears were a bit red.

“How old are you?” the question escaped before you could hold it in. “Sorry, that was inappropriate-”

He was smiling down at you. “I’m barely 30. You?”

Cool, cool. Your hot boss was eight years older than you. “I’m 22.”

His smile dimmed a bit and he nodded before clearing his throat. “Well, I promise Eunha won’t hurt you, but she doesn’t hold her tongue very well. She has a tendency to say whatever comes to her mind but we’re working on her filter.”

Yunho started to lead you the way Eunha had run and you found yourself in a spacious living room. Eunha was lost in her own world, sitting in front of a fancy coffee table playing with some dolls.

“Oh,” Yunho’s hand caught your arm with his left hand before the two of you walked closer to the little girl. “If she calls you ‘mom’ again, please correct her.”

“Of course,” you didn’t really want the kid calling you mom anyways. Even if she was cute and her dad was hot, he was much older than you were and you were just her babysitter. Although…

You couldn’t help yourself, glancing down at his hand. No ring.

He nodded and thanked you. “I have to go into the office for a few hours. I know I said this was a trial run and I’d be home, but Yeosang said he trusted you and I trust him. If you have any problem, please don’t hesitate to call me and I’ll come straight home.”

“Of course,” you glanced at the girl behind you, still playing happily. You turned your attention to Yunho again and tried to ignore the heat of his hand soaking through the thin sleeve of your blouse. “I think we’ll be ok, but I have your number.”

“Great,” his smile was wide and warm, but he removed his hand to go finish getting ready upstairs, leaving you with the little girl in the living room.

You approached her and sat down on the other side of the table. Her pretty brown eyes, the same eyes her dad had, lifted to you quickly. Eunha was only five, but her gaze felt like she could see straight through you. Even so, her eyes were still friendly.

“Whatcha playing?” You asked, starting to roll up the sleeves of your blouse.

“Dolls,” she handed you one with long blonde hair. She clutched her own doll with brown hair tightly in one hand. “You can be Minsoo, I’ll be Miyeon. Minsoo stole Miyeon’s pet dinosaur.”

“Oh no,” Eunha nodded seriously at your comment.

“Minsoo won’t tell Miyeon where Mr. Dinosaur is but,” she put a finger to her lips and pointed to the couch parallel to where the two of you were sitting. There was a large stuffed spinosaurus wearing a red tie that was most likely Yunho’s perched on the middle cushion. “He’s over there, but play like you won’t tell.”

“Got it,” you mimed zipping your lips and throwing the key away. Eunha giggled and the two of you started playing.

Yunho popped in a little while later, suit fully put together and hair gelled out of his face. He still looked insanely good, but you almost preferred the messy hair more casual look he had early.

With a kiss to Eunha’s head, he turned to you. “I probably won’t be too late, only a few hours.”

You assured him you got this and he was gone with a wave. You could only stare after him for a few minutes longer before Eunha started interrogating you with her doll again.

Yunho was in fact gone for much longer than a few hours. You’d been here since 3pm and it was now 9pm. He’d texted you frantically at 6 asking if you could stay a little longer since his meetings were running late. You didn’t have anywhere better to be so you agreed, telling him it was no problem. You’d cooked Eunha some dinosaur nuggets and had cleaned the kitchen while she ate.

At 8:30, Eunha had started yawning. She informed you very matter of factly that it was her bedtime, so you helped her through her routine before settling her into bed with her stuffed spinosaurus tucked into her side, quickly falling asleep.

Thankfully, she hadn’t called you mom again.

Once she was out, you quickly ran to your car parked in front of the house to gather your textbooks and notes. If you were going to be here for a while, you might as well study.

It was about 10:15 when Yunho came tumbling through the door. His neatly gelled hair was messed up, like he’d spent the last few hours running his hands through it. His tie was also loosened and, to be honest, he looked exhausted.

“Yunho?” your voice caught his attention. You were sitting in front of the coffee table, much like how you had been when he left, but your notes and textbooks were spread in front of you.

“Y/n,” he walked into the living room. You could almost imagine the scene was domestic. If you weren’t a babysitter and almost a decade younger than him.

“I’m sorry,” he ran a hand through his hair again. “Meetings ran late and there was a bunch of last minute work for a new proposal.”

“It’s alright,” it really was. What else would you have done on a Thursday night? Drinking with San and Yeosang was the answer, but looking at Yunho was so much better than getting wasted with your friends, not that you’d ever tell them that, though.

“Still, I shouldn’t have just dumped Eunha on you for twice as long as I should have.”

“It’s really ok Yunho,” you rose from the floor to begin packing your study materials in your backpack. “She’s a really sweet girl.”

“She’s unique,” he responded with a laugh. “But I love her to death, she’s all I’ve got.”

You wanted so badly to ask about her mom, but that was most definitely not an appropriate question for your first day of work. And definitely not when Yunho looked like he was going to pass out as soon as his head hit the pillow.

“She is,” you couldn’t help but agree. “But I like her and if you’ll have me, I’d love to keep babysitting her.”

His eyes lit up. “Really?”

“Yeah. She’s sweet,” you paused, your cheeks heating up. “And I need the money.”

“Oh of course the money,” Yunho reached for his pants pocket and began rifling through the brown leather wallet he pulled out. When Yunho tried to hand you almost $500, you backed away, hands in the air.

“There's no way six hours of childcare is worth $500,” he kept trying to give you the money, but you kept dodging him. It evolved into him chasing you around the room.

“I insist,” he had caught you by the waist and was holding your chest tight against his. With his free hand he grabbed yours and placed the money in your hand.

You couldn’t help but look up at him in shock, from both the amount of money he gave you and the way you were pressed against him. Neither of you moved as he seemed to realize the situation you were in. It felt like hours passed with just the two of you staring into each other's eyes.

“I told you you were my mommy,” Eunha’s sleepy voice shattered whatever spell had been cast around you and Yunho jumped apart quickly, both of your cheeks flaming red.

You directed your attention to packing the rest of your things while Yunho tended to Eunha. He quickly scooped her up and out the living room to presumably put her to bed. It was extremely tempting to run out the front door before you had to face him again, but if you were going to be seeing him regularly, you had to act at least a little professional, so you waited by the front door for him to come downstairs.

After a few minutes, he returned, looking slightly more disheveled and exhausted.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” you didn’t know if he was talking about holding you like that or Eunha calling you mom again. You were really hoping he was apologizing about the latter.

“It’s really ok,” you waved him off, eager to escape the now awkward atmosphere of the house.

“I really appreciate you coming over,” Yunho opened the door for you. “Eunha said she had a very fun day. She said she wants you to keep coming over.”

He followed you outside and the two of you walked to your car parked on the street.

“She’s really sweet. I’d love to keep babysitting her,” and you’d take any excuse to see Yunho. You did like Eunha, despite her odd tendencies.

“Are you free tomorrow night?”

Your brows raised as you face Yunho, your back to the passenger side door of your car. He looked just as shocked by his own words.

“I- not like that. I have a work dinner and I promise I won’t be as late as tonight,” his hand was on the back of his neck and he looked sheepish. His movements left you with a great view of his bicep straining through his white shirt.

“Yeah I’m free most friday nights,” Yunho seemed to relax slightly as you ignored the implications of his statement.

“Ok, I wasn’t sure if you’d have a date with Yeosang or anything,” was that relief in his eyes?

“Yeosang? Date? Why would I have a date with Yeosang?” What on earth did Yeosang say to this man when he called him about the babysitting job?

“Oh my bad,” Yunho was back to looking embarrassed. “I heard he had a girlfriend then he called me about you and I just assumed… I’m sorry I shouldn’t have.”

You stepped forward to put a hand on his arm. “Yeosang and I are good friends. He’s dating one of my sisters, not me.”

Yunho once again relaxed as your hand made contact with him.

“Alright, good,” you didn’t have the time or will to find the meaning behind that. “I’ll let you head home, it’s late. I’ll text you tomorrow morning.”

“Alright,” you moved away from him to the driver's side. “Goodnight, Yunho.”

“Goodnight, Y/n.”

You spent the next three months babysitting for Yunho about three to four times a week. During the days you didn’t see him, you couldn’t get him out of your head. You often found yourself thinking about Eunha, too.

The kid hadn’t gotten any less weird the longer you knew her. One day she had made you pretend to be cats to hunt and kill her stuffed animals for food and another day she had you help her build a city of foam blocks populated with dolls and other random items she declared were citizens of Eunhatown, only for her to pretend to be god and destroy it. She liked to draw unflattering pictures of the random people who walked past the house and keep them in a binder under her bed. Eunha’s favorite pastime was playing dodgeball with her large collection of dinosaur plushies until she got bored of that and then asked you to play dead while she had the dinosaurs pretend to eat you. The girl was bizarre with slightly morbid interests, but she never did hurt you and listened to directions you gave her. And, thankfully, she hadn’t called you mom since she caught you and Yunho in the living room that first night.

Things with Yunho were getting more and more friendly as the two of you spent more and more time together. You’d often spend an hour or two talking with him after he put Eunha to bed on nights you had to stay late and you could almost consider yourself friends instead of just his daughter's babysitter.

Yunho had avoided physical contact with you after the first night and you weren’t sure if he was trying to be respectful or if he genuinely did not want to touch you. You really hoped it was the former, as you hadn’t been able to shake the stupid crush you’d had on him since you met.

Because of your crush that was clinging to you like some sort of parasite, it had stung a bit when he asked you to babysit one Friday in early December because he had a date. He hadn’t told you much besides the fact that he needed you there at about 6pm and he would be home by 11pm.

What he hadn’t told you, was that the date had canceled on him. You quickly found out at 6 that night when he opened the door in sweats and a t-shirt with a glass of wine in one hand.

“Shit,” was the first thing he said when he opened the door. “I knew I forgot something. My date canceled on me last night so I sent Eunha to my mom’s to have a night in.”

“Oh,” that was surprising. You couldn’t imagine any woman canceling on the man in front of you. Although, it was a little presumptuous his date was a woman, it probably wasn’t off the table since he did have a daughter.

“Yeah, sorry Y/n I should have remembered to let you know. You probably had better things to do than drive all the way over here.”

“Not really,” you shrugged. “If I hadn’t driven out here I’d be getting harassed about going to a frat party at the moment.”

“Sounds much more exciting than what I’m doing right now,” he chuckled, leaning against the doorframe.

“And what are you doing now?” Your eyes flicked to the glass in his hand, it was a little under half full.

“Drinking and thinking,” he was smiling down at you. “A deadly combo.”

Something about the look in his eyes, the way his body was positioned towards you, and the unrelated chill in the air that had settled in once the sun set a while ago caused a shiver to run through your body.

He noticed the shiver and moved off the doorframe. “Would you like to come in?”

You answered him with a nod and followed him back inside. It was much warmer in here. In the past few days since you last babysat, the house had been decorated on the inside with Christmas decorations. There was a nutcracker on the side table of the entryway and you could see a beautifully decorated Christmas tree in the living room.

While you removed your shoes, Yunho headed into the living room. When you followed him, you could see there was a fire in the fireplace that usually sat empty and unused. All of the normal pillows and throw blankets on the couch had been replaced with red and white ones that fit the holiday theme.

“Wine?” Yunho was holding an empty glass, his own having been set down on the coffee table beside an open bottle. He had either opened a new bottle just before you arrived or he hadn’t had very much to drink. You could see about three quarters of the dark liquid still swishing around when he picked it up to pour you a glass after you nodded.

When he had poured you a glass, the two of you took a seat on the couch facing the fireplace, not looking at each other. With a sip of wine for confidence, you shifted to face him.

“So,” you began. He turned to give you his full attention. “You said you were drinking and thinking. I get the drinking part, but what were you thinking about?”

He let out a sigh and took a sip. He stared into the glass as he began to speak. “This was my first date since Eunha’s mom left.”

Well, it seemed like it was time for you to get the answers to your questions from three months ago. It was best to approach this as diplomatically as you could, despite how curious you were so you stayed silent and he kept talking.

“I figured it was time to start dating again. This woman,” he paused and finally looked up at you. “She canceled as soon as I mentioned I had a daughter.”

You wanted to interrupt but he kept talking.

“I honestly don’t blame her, that’s a lot to sign up for, but I figured I should say something before we actually went out.”

He was right. As much as you wanted to shit talk the woman for seemingly hurting him, you didn’t really blame her. Before you met Yunho, you probably would have done the same if a man told you he was a single father. Hell, you still probably would if any man except Yunho told you he had a child before your first date.

“It’s just disappointing for my first first date in almost seven years,” he took another sip of his wine.

It was now or never. “Can-can I ask what happened to Eunha’s mom?”

Yunho’s eyes closed and he sighed. He was leaning forwards with his elbows on his knees and you got the impression that it was something he didn’t want to talk about.

“Yunho I’m sorry it’s none of my-”

“No no don’t apologize,” he turned his head to look at you now. “It’s just a touchy subject I don’t usually talk about.”

You stayed silent, letting him continue on his own. He sat up and took a deep breath.

“We weren't married, her mom and I. We’d been dating for barely a year when she found out she was pregnant and immediately everyone tried to get us to marry.” Yunho’s gaze was back on the dark red liquid in his glass. “We both realized we were falling out of love and didn’t want to be tied together forever, but it was too late…”

He trailed off looking somewhat ashamed. “It was too late to do anything about the pregnancy. We stayed together so I could support her and when Eunha was born, we were going to give her up for adoption. I couldn’t do it, though, and her mom could. So I took Eunha and her mom gave up any parental rights. Last time I heard from her was on Eunha’s first birthday. She was living in London,” he shrugged at that.

“Damn,” that was all you could think. What a shitty situation to be in. Yunho would have been what, 24? 25? Only a few years older than you are now and you couldn’t imagine finding out you were pregnant by someone you didn’t love anymore…

“Yeah,” he laughed for the first time in a while. “Damn. I got lucky though. I can’t imagine my life without Eunha. And I wouldn’t have met you without her.”

That brought red to your cheeks. His gaze was back on you, and a smile was on his face. He had faint smile lines that betrayed the fact that he was out of his 20s, but they only accentuated the way he shined when he smiled.

“I’m glad I met you, too,” you couldn’t help the awkward giggle that accompanied your quiet voice. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him any longer, instead facing the fireplace. Your cheeks felt hot and all of a sudden you became acutely aware of just how close the two of you were. Not that you were complaining, you’d had the hots for this man since you first saw him, but this scenario was not something you had imagined actually happening.

His hand landing on your knee nearly caused you to jump. Your head whipped around to look up at him.

“I’m serious, Y/n,” his eyes were staring so intently into yours. Yunho’s hand on your leg rose up to cup your cheek. “I’m so unbelievably grateful for everything you’ve done for Eunha and I.”

His eyes were darting between your lips and eyes, as if he couldn’t decide where to settle them. You found yourself having the same struggle. His face was so close and there were so many details you wanted to drink in, but his lips, stained red from the wine, were stealing your attention.

“Yunho…” his name came out as a breathy whisper. You could see his jaw clench in the flickering firelight, his eyes blinking shut for just a moment before they were back on your own.

“Fuck, Y/n,” Yunho’s voice was husky and the way he damn near moaned your name made it sound like the best noise in the world. It sent a shiver through you, your whole body heating up. “Can I kiss you, please. Wanted to for way too long.”

You couldn’t reply. It was like your throat was blocked. All you could do was nod before he was surging forward. His hand on your cheek migrated to your hair as his lips met yours. Despite his urgency, his lips were soft, gentle as they slowly moved with yours. The feeling had you floating, not quite present as your mind went blank, lost in the sensation.

It wasn’t until his tongue was prodding at your lips that you snapped out of your daze. Your hands came up to rest on his chest as you shifted on the couch to face him better. His other hand landed on your waist as he tugged you towards him. You gasped, which provided him the perfect opportunity to tangle his tongue with yours.

It was impossible to contain the groan that you breathed into his mouth as he continued to manhandle you. Yunho had seemingly decided that having you pressed against his side while you kissed wasn’t enough. His hand left your hair to grab your thigh, moving you to straddle his lap as he sat back against the couch. From there, his other hand shifted to push on your lower back, pressing you as close as possible to him.

With your arms around his neck, hands tangled in his hair, you parted from his lips in order to take gasping breaths of air. Yunho didn’t seem to need to breathe, as he immediately started planting kisses on your neck. You whined as he nipped the skin beneath your ear. For a brief moment, you thought about telling him no marks, but you weren’t sure if you’d get a chance like this with him again. If this night was going the way you thought it was, you’d probably end up very satisfied, but out of a job and no way to see your hot boss anymore so it wouldn’t hurt to have a few reminders of him, even if they would fade within a week.

Yunho licked a stripe up your neck, his hand on your back moving to grope your ass as he brought the two of you face to face again. For a moment, the two of you just stared at each other, both panting, until you leaned forwards to kiss him.

He eagerly reciprocated, holding you tighter to him in the process and pulling you down in his lap. You couldn’t help letting out a little noise of surprise as you felt the tent in his sweats pushing between your legs.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, Y/n,” Yunho pulled his lips from yours, resting back on the couch and letting his hands move to your waist. Your own fell to his chest “This… this wasn’t what I had in mind when I asked to kiss you, I promise.”

You didn’t reply, only watching his chest rise and fall as you both panted. It wasn’t a conscious decision, at least you don’t think it was, to slowly grind down on him. Yunho’s eyelids fluttered and he let out a groan, hips bucking upwards to meet yours.

“Shit, Y/n, don’t do that,” his words gave you pause. What the hell were you doing?

“Fuck, fuck sorry, Yunho,” you rose, moving to get off his lap but his hands wouldn’t let you.

“I meant don’t do that because I can’t control myself if you do.”

You settled down again, rolling your hips over his experimentally. When he groaned again, you grinned. “What if I don’t want you to?”

Yunho gaped at you for a moment. “You can’t- fuck Y/n.” Then he brought his mouth back to yours, tongue sweeping into your mouth. As his mouth moved against yours, you continued grinding down against him. Both of you were panting into the kiss, hands frantically roaming each other.

Regretfully, you had to part in order for him to yank his shirt over his head. It gave you a wonderful view of his lean torso, which you immediately started running your hands over, thoroughly enjoying the feel of his warm, smooth skin beneath your palms. He wasted no time in yanking you back into him, lips smashing into your own as his tongue invaded your mouth.

His right hand migrated from your waist to the front of your pants, fumbling to undo the button and yank down the zipper. Yunho’s hand slipped down inside and his long, nimble fingers quickly made contact with your clit. That first contact had you gasping into his mouth. As his hand down your pants made tight circles around your clit, his other hand grabbed your ass and held you in place.

His hand kept working on you and your tongues tangled. You unleashed moans and gasps between deep, aggressive kisses. As his movements brought you higher and closer to your impending orgasm, kissing devolved into panting into his mouth.

Your hips were grinding against his hand as the pressure built. Yunho’s lips traveled to your next while your head tipped back, gasping moans flowing free. His lips sucked small marks onto the column of your throat. Your hand came up to grasp his hair, pulling at the soft strands as your orgasm washed over you. It hit you like a ton of bricks, slamming into your body and making you tense as the sensations wracked through you, wave after wave as you clung to Yunho.

When you had stopped shaking for the most part, Yunho withdrew his hand. Leaning back on the couch he brought his fingers to his lips, licking and sucking your juices that had been left on them. You could only watch, transfixed by the sight of his fingers disappearing into his mouth.

When he withdrew his fingers he hesitated for a moment, simply staring at you sitting on his lap. Yunho seemed to pull himself together after a moment and sprung into motion.

“Lay down,” he ordered as he pulled your top off, followed by your bra.

You did as he said, sliding off his lap and onto the couch. Propped up on your elbows, you watched as he hooked his fingers in the waistband of your jeans, tugging them and your underwear down before throwing them across the room.

“Hurry,” you whined at him as he reached for the waist of his own pants.

“Why, baby?” he laughed, smiling down at you as he slowly lowered his own pants. “We have all night.”

With that, he quickly climbed over you, slotting his hips between your open legs and bringing his mouth down on yours again. It only took a few expert shifts of his hips and his hand to have him slipping inside you. Your head dropped back away from his as you gasped at his girth and length filling you.

“Fuck,” he exhaled, his own head dropping to your breast bone as he took a moment to recover.

“Yeah, fuck,” your voice was breathy. Both of you chuckled at that, until the movement of him laughing and the subtle shifting of his body had you gasping again as he shifted inside you.

“Fuck me,” you whispered, connecting your lips to his again.

With slow, testing movements, his hips drew back before easing back into you. Every push in had soft whines leaking out of your mouth and into his. Yunho repeated his soft motions for a few moments before he was pushing away from you.

He sat up on his heels, his hips still pressed to yours and his hands locked around your hips. You had been still expecting the gentle movements he had been subjecting you to previously, so you were wholly unprepared for the nearly aggressive thrust back into you.

Yunho’s new rhythm was still slow on the backthrust, but his thrusts into you only grew in speed and power. This new pace was forcing out strangled gasps of his name out of you.

He himself was panting and groaning as his eyes darted between your breasts bouncing, your face with your eyes shut and mouth open, and the spot between your legs where his dick was disappearing into you.

“Shit,” he breathed out when he paused. His grip on your waist was still tight and he shifted your hips up for a better angle. With your legs thrown over his and your lower half under his control, he sat up on his knees, drawing you with him.

Your eyes met his briefly as he pulled back quickly to pick up his rhythm again. The eye contact didn’t last long as his new angle had his tip perfectly hitting your g-spot over and over. At the repeated stimulation, your eyes rolled back and your back arched even further into the position he was holding you in.

Yunho kept up his pace until his hips started to stutter and his mouth dropped open in a long groan.

“Fuck, fuck, Y/n,” you could tell he was getting close. You were slowly reaching your peak, but too far away to cum with him.

Yunho was getting even closer and you decided to give him a little extra help. All it took to toss him over into his orgasm was a firm squeeze of your interior muscles and one of your hands coming up to palm our own breast.

His head fell back with a groan as he gave a few final thrusts into you before pushing as far as he could inside you. You couldn’t help but admire the sweat shining on his skin in the firelight and the way all the muscles in his body tensed.

Yunho’s moment of euphoria passed quickly as the reality of the situation hit him in the face.

“Holy shit, Y/n please tell me you’re on birth control. I cannot have another kid right now,” his eyes were frantic as he leaned down over you.

You laughed and nodded, a little out of breath. “Yes I’m on birth control. You’re not going to be a dad again.”

He let out a relieved sigh before his eyes lit up again. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind being a dad again, but preferably in a stable relationship this time.”

Your breath caught in your throat but you recovered quickly. “Is this your way of asking me out?” Reality also hit you again as you realized you didn’t know if this was casual sex between an employer and an employee or something more, but you could only hope.

Thankfully, he laughed. “I suppose it is.”

#jeong yunho smut #ateez smut #jeong yunho #yunho smut #jeong yunho fanfic #ateez fanfic

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littlestarofthewest · 8 months

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hello! before i start i wanna let you know i don’t mean anything hateful by this, it is my genuine curiosity, i’m not trying to be disrespectful, i’m just really interested on your morston opinions. i personally, really am disgusted by the ship. mainly because of the established dynamics in the game between them and the fact that john joined the gang at 12, and arthur would’ve already been 22, and they would’ve never seen each other that way and they basically grew up as brothers, they were raised by the same men, and at the end of the game they even call each other brother. i know you’ve reblogged some morston stuff and i don’t hold anything against you, i really enjoy your writing and you seem like a genuinely cool person, i am just curious.

Hey anon,

I'm going to see this as a question in good faith and will try my best to answer. First of all, there are a lot of posts out there that argue in favor of morston a lot more eloquently than I ever could, but I will try to give you my pov based on what you brought up in your ask.

Personally, I can see John and Arthur both as siblings or as a romantic pairing (obviously not at the same time xD). Many points have been made against it being a romantic relationship, pretty much the ones you made, and as such I have enjoyed fics and art where they are brothers and I even have written some fics that go with that viewpoint.

Then again, I think there are also valid points to be made for a romantic relationship and arguments that sort of "invalidate" the reasoning behind them being brothers.

Yes, they have a 10 year age gap. I personally know couples in real life with big age gaps who have perfectly healthy relationships while people close in age are horrible for each other. It's no big leap for me to think that those two characters could be in love and have a great relationship based on that.

Did they get to know each other when John was 12? Yes. That doesn't mean Arthur perved on him from that day forward. Suggesting that always makes me wonder what weird character traits people put on Arthur. Kids are inherently unsexual. If that doesn't apply to people who hate the ship, then they should probably sort out their own feelings towards children. Fast.

Did they grow up together? While lots of people like to portrait them as brothers from an early age, I think different interpretations are valid as well. Yes, Arthur was 22. He was involved in the criminal activities of the gang and based on how you see the timeline there's a chance he's also been in a romantic relationship. The chances of him even caring about a 12 year old he doesn't know are slim. He could have very well not cared much about John at all until he was old enough to be of any relevance to him.

I know siblings who have no relationship/love for each other despite growing up in the same house (while also actually being related by blood). So while I don't want to invalidate "found family," I can very well see it not apply here at all. Besides, I find it odd that found family supporters are so dead set on pressing the characters into a nuclear family with Dutch as the dad and Hosea or Mrs. Grimshaw as a second parent while John and Arthur are their sons. Found family is supposed to mean all kinds of different relationships.

And as an add on, while I too enjoy depictions of Arthur holding up a bratty John by his leg or the scruff of his neck, it's complete nonsense. Have people in fandom ever met a 12 year old in real life? A 12 year old boy can very well have the size of an average sized woman (and logically also weigh as much). Of course he's still a kid and needs to be treated and protected as such, but I feel like there is this fandom interpretation that depicts him like a toddler/small child to make any involvement with Arthur later on more scandalous. He was a street kid who managed to get by on his own for a long time. Infantilizing him for outrage is absurd.

Also, in 4 years in fandom while being in contact with a large amount of morston shippers, I never encountered anyone who shipped them before John was grown up. There might be content like that out there, but I'm not in support of it.

Their established dynamics in the game can be interpreted to anybody's liking. Do they argue like siblings or haze each other to keep positive feelings they can't express without making themselves vulnerable at bay? Does Arthur go out and save John because Hosea tells him to, Abigail asks him to, he loves him like a brother or because he loves him like a romantic interest? Does Arthur tell John to go in the end because he wants to protect his brother or the love of his life?

Yes, they call each other brothers. Just like other game members call each other brothers. If I remember correctly, Dutch even alternates between brother, son and other things. I don't see it as a fixed term that solely indicates one type of relationship. People in the past have also called each other bachelors and similar terms to not openly admit a homosexual relationship. You can take the term at face value or not.

Like I said, many of these things have been discussed in the past, so I'll skip ahead to what I consider the most important point. It doesn't matter. Nobody needs valid points to justify their ship. There are ships with characters that haven't even met in canon and ships that even cross fandoms.

I take two characters that I vibe with and since I like romantic stories, I put them into one. I'm also especially fond of AUs which makes canon even less of a factor.

You being disgusted by the ship is perfectly valid. I don't need to hear good reasons. If that's what you feel then I accept that. The only thing I ask is that other people do the same for me, and especially don't try to actively harm others because of their ships. There's a reason why terms like "your kink isn't my kink, but your kink is okay" and "ship and let ship" were established early on in fandoms. It's healthy for all the parties involved. I interacted a lot with fans who very much disliked morston and blacklisted the hell out of it and we still get along just fine.

Long story short, people grow up in different circumstances with different experiences, and much likely they will project things onto characters and have a variety of interpretations of canon or simply enjoy making stuff up that isn't there. That's the beauty of fandom.

I hope that answers your question? And thank you for your interest in another person's pov. Sadly many people in this fandom jumped to conclusions and hatred rather than taking a moment to consider other people's feelings. So kudos for that.

#morston for ts #answered asks #anon asks

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i-dor-u · 2 years

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001: enter the black swan blues...

NOTE: initially, this was an inside joke between me and my sibling. it’s innocent and unpolished, but nevertheless a cute thought. it’s different from what i usually make, but being overly-virtuous with my blog feels restrictive and a little self-sabotaging. maybe i will become more open, who knows? i hope this is a fun read, i certainly had fun thinking it up! please keep in mind that these are personal thoughts on the matter at hand.

❲ ⌕ ❳︙piece contents: twisted wonderland. dancing. quick and undetailed. possible spelling errors. nothing very explicit, but let me know if you spot anything! ❲ ⌕ ❳︙word count: 700-800. ❲ ⌕ ❳︙song recommendation: smiley — vals. ❲ ⌕ ❳︙pinned blog post.

HOW LIKELY ARE THE HOUSEWARDENS TO SLOW DANCE, FROM FIRST TO LAST, IN MY OPINION? A QUICK-N-SILLY ANALYSIS.

for the first, i would probably say vil, because everything about him screams in tongues of elegance and courtesy. well, maybe the latter not as much, it depends on his mood, and on the degree of interest he has towards his companion. however, even if he doesn't necessarily like someone enough to invite them to dance out of the affection he has for them or the appeal they have, maybe he'll do it just because he's a show-off. even so, if he picks the scent of ballroom struggle from you... oh, he’ll make you a fantastic dancer. i’m being unkind, but so is he.

next, i'd say malleus. fae customs and courtesy, right? he appears to be way more tolerable and way less promptitudinal than vil. you would actually enjoy dancing with him, and he'll enjoy it even more so. it's not every day he musters up the motivation to do this, you know. nor does he really get the opportunity, all things considered. but he's a pleasant companion. doesn't say too much, nor too little; doesn't do too much, nor too little. but he's eloquent, and has everything in his pocket. he likes to think that the great seven smile upon him, having found such a worthwhile companion; you.

riddle... he's well-mannered, he's traditional, and maybe he wouldn't pass an opportunity to slow-dance. but that's it, i don't see him as someone who indulges in any other sort of dancing. he's good at it, almost too good, and if you don't live up to his skills, well... off with your head, perhaps. but if he likes you, he'll overlook missteps and enjoy himself to the fullest either way. because he likes you! he also sees it as a minimal form of celebration that he’s not externally observed as a victim of helicopter parenting. he can break some rules when he’s beside you.

azul is probably not as benevolent as malleus, nor as strict as riddle. but hopeful in his own right. he probably won't ask for a dance unless you do, which he sort of hopes you would. then he probably becomes a show-off, but not enough for you to be unable to keep up, because two can play this game. until you two become a bit too playful, which results into lots of spinning, twirling, embracing, laughing and not being normal. and thus, you unintentionally capture a handful of curious gazes, wondering, who could this fellow be, and why does the housewarden indulge with them so much?

as for kalim, he isn't one for seriousness, so slow-dancing is probably not his forte. but he'll do his best for his beloved! you see, there isn't room for strictness, so if you trip over each other's feet, it's all laughter, all in good fun. if it doesn't work out, he'll suggest you two mess around however you like, which will probably result in the two of you screwing adequacy and standing out with your unusual dance moves. consoled by the thought that you’re the most eye-catching pair of the night. ballroom manners are out the window, but you're having the best time of your life.

would you wait on a slacker? because leona will be no less than dead meat. that is, unless he's infatuated with you, or something. he would be reluctant, i daresay embarrassed, he'll oppose it with all of his might. but that's all stage play for him to see just how insistent you can get. it worked out until you insinuated that he doesn't actually know how to slow dance. that's how all of his instincts kicked in, making you eat your words in ecstasy as he twists, turns and twirls you, pushed from behind by unseen air currents. you’re a feisty one, and he looks forward to seeing you all worn out.

initially, idia won't even want to hear of it. try to make inhumane efforts to even get him out of his room, and you still won’t. guilt pokes at his throat and the disappointment in your eyes drives him to the brink of self-deprecation. but the lowlights in his room and the reflection of his gaming screen make quite the scenery, and he realized he won't dissolve if he tried (though he wishes he could). your orbs drown in fulfillment, yet he refuses to make eye contact. with his face nuzzled on the crook of your neck, he thinks of how you should initiate these seemingly impossible quests with him more often.

©: writing belongs to i-dor-u & the characters used for creative purposes belong to their respective owners.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #vil schoenheit #vil x reader #malleus draconia #malleus x reader #riddle rosehearts #riddle x reader #azul ashengrotto #azul x reader #kalim al asim #kalim x reader #leona kingscholar #leona x reader #idia shroud #idia x reader #❲⌕❳ mazedotcom.

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violettduchess · 10 months

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Hi Violette....

Sending this to the ask box instead of commenting directly on the post, because;

This is probably going to be too long for a comment

A reblog will probably ping the conversion into a different direction, and I think the conversation is too interesting to redirect.

That said, I will repeat that your potential "1 suitor - 1 prompt" event sounds like fun (and I hope that when a game is voted on, it will be one that I write for so that I can participate).

Maybe it's because the Ikesen writing community is more kumbaya than Ikeprince/Ikevamp, or maybe my blog is just too small to attract anon hate (or maybe people look at my content, and realize it's too chaotic to drag into controversy), but I didn't take your original post/survey as a competition.

I taught a writing class this winter (two classes, a beginner and an advanced - screenwriting, not prose), and I would often give assignments that had this kind of strict parameter (a single prompt, a set location, and set character types). This was not to make the students compete against each other, but because under such strict rules, it forced them to develop their own voice and style, without having to waste time deciding on a story, location, or character. And by doing so, and reading the results out loud (and a single prompt had such wildly varied stories - I got horror scripts, comedies, angst stories, love stories, parent/child stories, and even a historical fiction) the students realized that even if a single idea, a single prompt was the same, their takes on it where fully original.

Anyway, from a somewhat outsider perspective, I didn't see it as a competition. (And this is coming from someone who is extremely competitive... you do not want me sitting at your table on board game night).

The idea for this originated the same exercise you described that I do with my English students and as you very aptly described, it's never come across as a competition in class. You often have such a rich variety of stories that come out of it.

I appreciate your ask and you sharing your perspective from an educational point of view. You have far more eloquently than me have put into words the appealing part of this 💜

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emanation-aura · 7 months

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ask game!

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end.

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

This is a response to this post about questions for writers!

7. deepest joy about writing?

Definitely the feeling. The emotion and being cathartic. Writing has been and probably will always be an outlet for me; I love pouring emotion onto the page and receiving comments from people who say same, yes, I felt the same way. Not as eloquently as that, usually, but I take great pride in making my work feel alive, and having others feel something from my work— it makes me even more honoured/excited when what a reader takes from the fic is different to what I wrote into it.

10. has a piece of writing "haunted" me, my own or otherwise? what does that mean?

I talked about it in another answer to this ask game, but these two fics [Only Human, Attack on Titan (tw graphic self-harm) and The Shape of Grief, Maze Runner (tw grief, suicide, psychological torture)] were absolutely fundamental to me. They haunted, and continue to haunt me to this day. I can't place exactly why, although I imagine the heavy themes have something to do with it, but. The slow, agonising prose of The Shape of Grief inspired how I write about emotion today. Only Human told me something about tenderness and care that I keep expressing in my works.

I guess they not so much haunt as keep me company. I don't consciously think about them all the time, but they left something indelible in me that will never go away; and in turn, I let pieces of them "haunt" my own writing, too.

18. Choose a passage from my work, and explain it— backstory, details, how it was written start to finish.

(Genshin Impact fic below! If you're not into Genshin this may not make much sense.)

A flash of lightning from the corresponding i, splitting apart the twisting lines that make up the letter s, a green serpent that writhes in uncomfortably lifelike agony. Swiftly transforming the a into a large valley, the n from nisut crash-lands from the sky, bending and twisting until it is a ruler rising from his throne, sands pouring from his hand. With one swipe of the simplistic brown line, the u rises up as a grand palace door in front, and behind it rises a seemingly endless series of pillars— the slideshow pauses, then, and the letter-characters recombine to brand this grand structure Khaj-Nisut.

This is part of Cyno/Staff of Scarlet Sands section for A Blade Against the World, a work of mine exploring the thematic elements of characters and their "signature" weapons. (I'll very behind because Tighnari/Hunter's Path threw me into writer's block. I've started on Tighnari & Cyno, and have vague plans for Alhaitham, Wanderer, and Dehya.)

Anyway, this passage makes reference to the Deshret script seen all across the desert. Like Egyptian hieroglyphics, they're pictographic—each letter represents a concept. Cyno is currently in King Deshret's Mausoleum trying to decide beween the Key of Khaj-Nisut and Staff of Scarlet Sands, and this pictographic display is done by the characters that compose Khaj-Nisut.

The slideshow represents the history of the Great Red Sand: the lightning splitting apart the serpent is The Usurper/Primordial One vanquishing the seven Dragon Sovereigns, specifically Apep. The n crashlanding into a valley and rising to become a ruler with sand pouring from his hand references Deshret's descension: he was once a "son of the sky" (according to the chinese version of The Lay of Al-Ahmar) who was exiled to Teyvat and became a God-King. The n from the Deshret Script is fitting here because it is Sacred Seal: Right to Rule, a "spitting image of a ruler seated upon a throne". Finally, the u (Sacred Seal: Grand Door: "silhouetted shape of a stone door from an ancient palace") represents the rise of Khaj-Nisut as a city-state.

25. Weird, hyper-specific yet irrelevant detail you know about one of your characters?

Hmm... let me give an answer for both the fandoms I actively write for now.

Genshin: In Structural Isomerism, where mad scientist Sucrose accidentally reverse-engineers the element of Time via Anemo, I imagine that Lisa (who doesn't even appear in the fic!) ends up actually going into retirement, even quitting as a librarian, because of the stress that the aftermath of this incident causes (she probably has to clean up and figure out who the hell showed up and turned Albedo back into chalk).

Persona 5: Whenever I write, I keep in mind that Akechi actually is slightly envious of Sumire's gymnastic ability, even though he's disgusted by the way she was brainwashed by Maruki and so weak-willed. He justifies it as he wants flexibility and skill for Metaverse killing, but actually it makes something deep inside hurt to see someone wholeheartedly devoted to a single, transcendental dream against all odds. This has never come up in any fic I write, though, and the sole thing this idea does it affect how I characterise Goro talking with Sumire.

28. Most delightful character you’ve ever written and why?

(Persona 5)

Goro Akechi, without a single doubt. My Joker Palace fic(s) are set from his perspective most of the time (because Akira is indisposed by the cognitive hell of hating himself so much that he has a Palace :P), and he is truly delightful to explore.

Goro is violent and standoffish and cold, but he also cares (for Akira) in ways that make little sense to even himself. He is a living contradiction, acting and justifying his own actions in a way that suggests neither outright guilt/remorse nor total callous disregard. He isn't exactly at peace with his spotty past with serial killing and working for Shido, but he's also accepted every aspect of himself and won't hide behind another Detective Prince mask again out of a desire to be liked or respected. He will forge ahead in the world on his own terms, knowing that his past may permanently stain him but at least it is part of the true him, no matter what (especially poignant with Maruki arc). I've had so much fun with the violent swear-y inner monologue, balanced with moments of painful self-reflection about the nature of his and Akira's relationship. He is simultaneously very self-aware and also very oblivious about aspects of himself and others, and I think that it's a challenging but fun balancing act.

Example of a moment I enjoyed writing very much:

“Are you going to fight me?” Goro asks impatiently, done with this farce of Akira, the impostor wearing his face in a heart of distorted lies. “Or are you going to disarm me again and again, ever since you let me in here?” Because Akira— Cognitive Akira— has done nothing but surrender his heart to Goro over and over again. It’s just a tad insulting when Goro is his former assassin and serial killer, being allowed to walk all over his heart’s defenses without even a will of rebellion to keep him out. (Where is Akira’s Persona, anyway?)

#fanfic meta #fic writing #genshin impact #persona 5 #persona 5 royal

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merrock · 1 year

Photo

SUPER DUPER IMPORTANT POST ABOUT TUMBLR!

Morning, guys! Prefacing this by saying that this post is really important and I am asking you to thoroughly read it and pay attention, as this is not just relevant to the future of Merrock, but also to Tumblr roleplay in general, and changes that the platform is implementing. We want this place to remain as inclusive and accessible to all writers as possible and are asking for your cooperation.

Tumblr is moving away from the legacy editor (what we have all been using to make, edit and reblog posts) and rolling out the beta editor more full force. What this means is those who are creating new Tumblr blogs (full blogs, not sideblogs) have no option to use the legacy editor and therefore cannot use xkit or editable reblogs. So cutting posts through that method is obsolete for them. However! There is a new xkit called xkit rewritten that works specifically with the new beta editor and allows you to trim reblogs. Several people have written tutorials on how this works (and are a lot more eloquent than I am, I haven’t had any sugar yet today), and I am going to link them here:

rpschtuff (probably the most thorough!)

shinsources

anarchyrpbook

The tough part as a mod is that I don’t wanna say, “okay on top of holiday stress, I need you guys to learn a whole new system!” but I kind of do. Because if anyone wants to join our group and create a whole new blog, they will have a hard time interacting with anyone using legacy editor, since the two different ways of trimming posts don’t work so well together. Not to mention the fact that it is inevitable that the beta editor is going to be rolled out for all of us sooner or later, and... maybe we might as well get used to it sooner, you know? This is not just a Merrock thing, either; many people in the RPC as a whole are making an effort to learn the new system so that we can all adjust and make the changes needed, and we think that it’s a very smart idea.

So! I am asking for you guys to really, really familiarize with the beta editor and read all of the tutorials and posts that are made about it. As admins, we want our group to be inclusive and accessible to everyone, as we said above, so it’s important that we can kind of all get on the same page. I would like for everyone to be able to switch to the beta editor by Monday, December 12th if possible. For those who are able to toggle between the two, it’s fine! But we are going to try to make this as smooth for everyone as possible. Again, read up, study up, I recommend trying it out on another blog or a tester blog so you can see how everything works. It’s also important during this time to just be patient with one another if things look wonky or people need help! I am going to try my best to educate myself as much as I can to answer questions and help, as well.

You know how it goes, changes to Tumblr can be annoying... but we adapt, we adjust, and we’ll be just fine! <3

PLEASE LIKE THIS POST ONCE YOU HAVE READ & UNDERSTAND!

#merrockadmin

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feelyourno1z · 2 years

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My Personal Ratings of Paradox Live Characters

I can imagine that not all my takes are going to be like by everyone, but oh well. These are all just my opinions, feel free to disagree, but any harassment over them will just get you blocked, I don't have the energy to deal with toxic fandom BS.

Also yeah, if you're new to Paradox Live, be careful, cause there are definitely gonna be spoilers in here.

Allen Sugasano - 8/10 I would've scored him higher when I first got into ParaLive, but over time and as more backstory was given on other characters as well, I couldn't really help but not feel that much pity for him. He unfortunately suffers a bit from Main Male Lead syndrome, but he's still lovable, I just wish he'd stop overworking himself so much. His voice and lines are great and have nice flow, and he's eager to dabble into any sound as well which is great for growing his talent.

Hajun Yeon - 5/10 This is a generously high score, considering when Paradox Live started I couldn't stand this guy. He still gets on my nerves a lot. His personality really just isn't for me. But at the same time, I can understand why he's like that and I do feel bad for what he's gone through. I do like his verses, he's got good flow and has a talent for eloquency (probably due to his upbringing). Even though he still puts up his front of I'm-Better-Than-You-Rich-Kid a lot, ever since the end of Phase One, I have a better appreciation for it and understand it's just a mask, though one that still annoys me. He's growing on me though.

Anne Faulkner - 10/10 I'm so glad Anne is as loved as she is, they truly deserve it! I'm honestly such a big fan of Anne for so many reasons, but most of all I'm so happy for a well-represented trans/enby character. I could go on for hours about how much I care about her and how proud of her for how far she's come, but I'll leave that to a different post. Their lines are always so fun and her voice is so smooth and adds a nice contrast to Allen's rougher voice (while Hajun's voice acts as a middle ground between the two). I wish her all the best and I hope we get to see more gender affirmation for her in the source too so she can start feeling more confident and proud of her identity and work past her traumas.

Naokira Saimon - 9/10 Don't get me wrong, I love this man almost just as much as Anne, but he gets a point docked because I'm not entirely a fan of how he was written to be so passive even though they were putting immense stress on him, both past and present. Even just showing us one small snippet of him being upset and not fully calm about the situation in private or with just Yohei would've been enough for me to consider him more well written, but it feels like the writing team just wanted him to be a Positive Push Forward Source, which isn't bad but leaves very little room for depth of character. No man ever has his shit together to be calm all the time, let alone present to be that way. Though it's no fault of his, I still wanna see more depth out of him that doesn't revolve around the loss of his wife. His voice is so pleasing to me, and his word choices and delivery in the songs adds a nice quality to everything, kind of like his voice is the grounding mechanism to make sure everything stays cohesive and doesn't get too overzealous.

Yohei Kanbayashi - 10/10 What they didn't give to Naokira with character depth, they definitely gave to Yohei. We tend to mostly see TCW through the lens of Yohei in the drama tracks too, which I personally love because you see how dysfunctional of a "family" they all are together, but you get to feel that feeling that Yohei, depsite all his grumping about and at Ryuu, cares for them all and wouldn't trade them for anything. And getting to know his past too, and that he used to be rougher than he is now due to being danna with Iori, gives so much depth into everything he's been through too, and shows just how much he's turned himself around now. I just have a lot of appreciation for the depth we're given for him and how much he's so obviously pulled himself through. His voice is definitely on the rougher side, but he hypes up the songs TCW sings so well (looking specifically at the "make it clap" lines in Life Is Beautiful and the "ready go" lines in One Shot One Kill for proof of that). It really shows his more rowdy side from his youth with the energy he brings into the group, but where he flows so well with Saimon and Shiki, who tend to sing/rap slower than him and Ryuu, it also shows how he's been able to settle into a slower paced life as well.

Ryuu Natsume - 9.5/10 I love this funky little guy, and I love how mysterious his background has been from the get go (even though we have more of a clue as to what it is now). He has absolutely insane energy, both literally and metaphorically, and even though he can be a bit much at times, you do tend to miss it when he's been gone for too long. He may show it in odd ways too, but he truly cares for those around him and wants the best for them and genuinely feels bad for their trap reactions. I cannot wait to find out why he doesn't get trap reactions himself and whether that's tied to his amnesia or not. His verses and voice inflections are my favorite in this whole music project. There's not a thing he's done in a single song so far that doesn't itch my brain in just the right way and make me want to mimic it exactly myself. It's so fun, it's whacky just like him, and lines like his "bibidee bopidee boo" in My Sweetest Love always bring a smile to my face. Just please stop trying to stick an octopus on Shiki sir ;;

Shiki Ando - 8/10 This boy has been through more than enough and I hope they start working more on healing his trauma because hoo boy does he need it. While they still gave us more depth on him from his past with Nayuta, we still don't get to garner much more about him and how even before that he was traumatized and that affected his ability to socialize properly. I'm so proud of him and how much more confident he sounds now (in Shooting Arrows) compared to the beginning when you could practically hear his voice shaking. He's shown so much more growth, and becoming part of the Bar 4/7 family has helped him so much and I cannot wait for him to sound as confident as Saimon in his verses someday.

Kanata Yatanokami - 8/10 I have so many feelings about Kanata, I don't know where to even begin. He's truly been through so much, and yet he still came out on the very top. He didn't let himself lose, he wouldn't accept second place as good enough, he truly has the spirit of someone who is going to end up a winner, and while I may not be the biggest fan of all of cozmez's music, it's very clear to me why they won Phase One and I feel they really deserved to win the most. Considering all the work Kanata put into surviving and making music, I'm glad he came out on top the way he did. He still has severe emotional walls up, put the times you get to see through the cracks of those walls show that he doesn't really want to be as alone as he says he does. His lyrics can often be aggressive, as would be expected from someone surviving on the streets and trying to become the top dog, and it really adds an extra depth to the beats he puts to their songs. I just hope we get to see more personal growth out of him as Phase Two continues and that we see him let his walls down a little more and make a friend.

Nayuta Yatanokami - 7/10 I feel really bad for rating him as low as I have, but if there's any character I'm more upset about the poor writing for than Naokira, it's Nayuta. They did him so dirty in my opinion. They led up the reveal of his "death" to an amazing climax, I actually sobbed over it, but then the reveal of him returning was so. Lackluster? He just Appeared. And then explained where he had been. There could've been more drama to it, hell there should've been more drama to it considering the build up he was given. And then when he got back his writing was very stiff. His reaction to Shiki was very off-putting, making it seem like they hadn't actually been friends in the first place but that he had been tolerating Shiki's presence even though we know that isn't true. They've gotten better about writing him to be easing back into socialization since then, but man oh man was that rough and awkward at a point where it was most crucial for it to not be that. Overall, I love his verses more now that it's actually him singing and not a Phantom of him singing, you can tell there's more life and inflection to his verses and more personal emotion behind them as well. I can't wait to see wht they do next considering the latest thing they've put out (Hit Em Up) blew my socks off and into the next country, they may not yet be at BURAIKAN's level yet, but they're definitely headed there.

Iori Suiseki -8.5/10 This man. I care so much about this man I don't even have words to describe everything I wanna say. AKYR hits me right square in the Found Family (my favorite trope ever) feels and it's all thanks to him. Even though his morals are often gray and questionable, and reasoning can be dubious, it's very clear that all his actions are to protect his family, the one he created out of AKYR, and that he will do anything necessary to keep them all safe. There's a depth to his character that you don't even need to know his full backstory to feel, and honestly I hope we never get a good look into all the ties and dealings he has because having all these unknown things about him and letting him be a Swing Factor for things is so much fun and adds an element of shock to the story too. His voice inflections and verses are my second favorite, right under Ryuu, for similar reasons. There's so many lines that I can't help but want to mimic and they hit the brain just right to make you feel that sense of cocky and nonchalant prowess that he has. There's really no voice like his.

Zen Gaho - 8/10 Zen is the very definition of what you get when you cross a gym rat and a Mom Friend in the best way possible. I know it's partly because he's Iori's right hand man, but it's also clear that he protects everyone in AKYR because he genuinely cares for them too. You see him uplift everyone he can, even if they're not part of AKYR and even if he doesn't know what they're talking about, he supports them in their passions. While his voice may not be unique, his verses are still fun and AKYR would never be the same without him.

Hokusai Masaki - 9/10 I am holding him gently, he deserves only happiness and good things. I'm so sad they don't really give us much on Hokusai at all, and I really hope they give us more because I just know there's a lot more to unpack about him, especially since the drama track of him just disappearing for a while in the middle of playing games with Reo, Ryuu, and Shiki. Where did he go? What's he hiding? I need to know more. But he and all his cat friends and his way of viewing those he holds close as animal friends as well makes me happy, and I'm just so glad for him that he finally has a place to call home and people who treat him properly like family. I love how toned down he is from everyone else too, and how his voice tends to be more monotone and doesn't go above more than a normal talking volume at most, it really adds to the air of mystery and "tiger hiding in the shadows" that they've given to him. Also, with all his verses of how far he'd go to make sure his family is safe and no one messes with him? I think out of everyone in AKYR he's the most dangerous to mess with, it don't think he's fucking around or joking when he says that shit. They are yakuza after all.

Reo Maruyama - 8/10 When I first got into Paradox Live, I thought I was going to be endlessly annoyed by yet another pink gremlin in a music project but I got pleasantly surprised and now I too would commit crimes to defend Reo. He's been through the ringer more times than anyone should be put through anything tbh, and I'm glad that he can find happiness and a sense of stability within AKYR. He's cute, he knows it, and everyone should acknowledge it. While we aren't given a whole lot on him either, what we are given shows just how much he actually does need that confirmation that he's loved and valued. His voice is just as cutesy as he is, but with violent lyrics befitting of someone who is in the yakuza and who has done the things he's done. I think it brings a little humor with having someone so cutesy also be a gangster, and his verses are really good too, he has amazing flow and is good with rhymes that would normally trip people up too.

Satsuki Ito - 10/10 I'm not gonna lie, I didn't expect to enjoy him half as much as I really do at the beginning. The description they give him in his original bio doesn't do him justice. He puts on the air of a gangster punk really well, but the loyalty and care he shows others shows through more than he can cover up. He does hold a lot of anger, and he really deserves to as well. I'm honestly nervous to see what comes of the drama tracks for the RAGE album and how everything between him and Ryoga is going to be tackled, because while Satsuki isn't one to refuse to listen to reasoning, he still will jump the gun and act in a reactive manner before he does. He still looks out for AKYR, and even shows he cares outside of his found family as well when he was helping Kanata look for Nayuta, even though he acts like he doesn't (likely because he doesn't want to get hurt again). His voice is so fun, definitely my third favorite in the music project. Just like Iori, his voice is unique and truly his, the inflections showing just how rambunctious he gets and his faster flow and aggressive delivery gives an intimidating impression, just the mask he aims to show. Also I cannot wait to see things develop more between him and Anne. I genuinely do not think he'll react poorly to learning than Anne is trans/enby, he knows what it's like to be given up on and turned on, that's literally his biggest trauma, I don't think he'd do that to Anne, especially not with all the time and energy he's put into her already. Not to mention they have what is essentially a mutual pining song together too, it would just be awkward of him to all of a sudden lose interest after that.

Chisei Kuzuryu - 10/10 I know that we don't actually know shit about him other than the snippets we learn from Haruomi talking to him (or "him" since we aren't sure what's going on there), but he's still one of my absolute favorites. His lyrics hold his ego, and it's a big one, but seeing as he was one of the pioneers to Phantometal being used and is still considered one of the best there was (the other obviously being Haruomi), he deserves to have such a huge ego. I'm curious about where the story is going to go in regards to him and I'm hoping they don't pull a Nayuta with him and his reveal and I am not ready to cry over him when it comes but I know I will. There's so much you can infer about his dynamic with Haruomi, even from what little we're given about them, but even just knowing he's who picked up Haruomi from his rock bottom and made this whole story possible? That's enough for me to have him as one of my favorites. His flow is incredible: fast and smooth and unwavering, just befitting of the king of hip-hop

Haruomi Shingu - 10/10 I think my bias for BURAIKAN is showing here but they aren't the number one legends for nothing. I love how Haruomi has been there, even without us knowing, from the beginning. From the first description we were given of him, and how above everyone he saw himself due to his genius with making music, it's hard to see what changed to make him content to just be the owner of a ramen shop, but I suppose that's something we'll find out as the story progresses. I really enjoy his character though, the air of mystery of why he's doing all this, on top of that stoicism and aloof personality still showing through, it's so intriguing to me. I want to see him interact more personally with Kanata at some point, seeing as it seems they're mirroring each other a bit, I wanna see what advice he'd give Kanata and if that would give any clues as to what's really going on. I'm a sucker for Haruomi's voice, I love deep voices so much, and his delivery, while on the slower side, still has it's own clear cut punch to it as every word seems to be said with a bite. He and Chisei's voices compliment each other perfectly, especially when dinging choruses together, and it's so clear why they're still the top dogs of the game even after all these years.

Shogo Yamato - 7.5/10 I may not have as much to say about Phase Two characters due to how new they are, but I truly do like Shogo, he's pretty both in looks and voice. I hope we get to see him grow his confidence in being a group leader, and also I wanna hear more about the weird gummies he finds, I think that's super fun.

Toma Hikage - 8.5/10 I'm usually not one for characters who are obsessed with their looks but there's just something about Toma that makes me wanna give him a hug and reassure him he's just as pretty as a sunset. You can see how caring he is already from how quick he was to go check on Shogo after the livestream, and I'm really curious to see more into him. His voice is amazing too, I don't have the words to describe what it is about it that hits my brain just right, but it does and I live for his verses.

Aoi Kureha - 10/10 I'm so glad they added in another enby, I love Aoi so much and I will join them (and Satsuki) in the AnZ fanclub. Their voice is so pretty and I hope if they ever do shuffle teams again they get to have a duo with Anne.

Kantaro Misuji - 6.5/10 I want to like him. I really do. I don't dislike him. But he's exactly what I feared they were going to do to Reo. Maybe as things progress I'll like him more, but as of right now? He's the Pink Gremlin of Paradox Live.

Dongha Yeon - 0/10 This little shit is the reason I actually started liking Hajun. I cannot stand entitled and stuck up little brat characters. I'm so sorry if you like him but first of all, I want to shoot him out of a canon and second of all: why??? He's just an abusive little asshole who thinks he's entitled to be the best. I understand that he doesn't comes from a good background seeing as what happened to his older brother, but he's already getting the whole family fortune over Hajun, and now he wants to take away the possible win Hajun could get of earning a name in hip-hop? I'm sorry to AmpRule likers, but I hope they lose miserably so this little pipsqueak can get a reality check.

Chungsung Baek - 0/10 The only thing saving this man from being in the negatives is his voice and character design being good. Other than that, I don't want him breathing on the same planet as me. Disgusting creep butler who gets off to being abused by the 14-year-old devilspawn mentioned above is NOT what we need in this music project, fandom, or world. Please eradicate him at your earliest convenience thank you. I'm sorry if you like him, but I'm judging you for it because what in the fuck.

Kei Miyama - 8.5/10 I truly do not understand why all the fans think he's up to something shady, the boy is just autistic coded, settle down. While yes, he knows more than he lets on, his intentions aren't evil. All we know is he wants to shut down the use of Phantometal, and considering he was being tested on for it and considering the dangers it can pose, as seen with Hajun and Nayuta, I can't blame him for it. He doesn't want that same harm to come to Rokuta, Itsuki, and I'm sure his old bandmates. Everyone just seems to be looking for someone to point at and call shady and everyone landed on him just because we know he has some sort of plan. At least get some more info on what's happening before trying to call him evil, sheesh.

Itsuki - 7/10 I love his character design and his verses are so fucking good, oh my god. I hope they give us more insight into him, I wanna know more about him, you can tell he's interesting just from his character design, please don't dangle him in front of us and then do nothing with him.

Rokuta - 9/10 Baby boy baby skrunkly boy, I love you so much, please have all the karaage you want. I would give anything for Rokuta, I hope he gets to hang out with Ryuu more and they get to play together, they have such similar energy and I wanna see Yohei do a double take upon seeing that there's Another One.

Yuto Inukai - 3/10 Don't get me wrong, I do like Inukai. His voice and lyrics go so hard and bring a lot of life to GokuLUCK's songs. But holy fuck did they do a shit job of representing DID/OSDD with him. I can't even begin to explain it, especially since I'm a singlet, but from what I know, they might as well have just said "yeah our only research was watching an episode of a western cop drama from the early 2000s where the killer had DID/OSDD" when they put out his bio. There's nothing wrong with liking Inukai, like I've said, I enjoy him too. Just please, for the love of god, remain critical of how they use him to portray DID/OSDD, do your own research, and acknowledge how shit they've done him.

Ryoga Tosa - 8/10 I am actually so curious about Ryoga and how everything has played out, especially since in his bio, his trauma seemingly comes whatever happened between him and Satsuki and how he was apparently framed. I can't wait to find out what happened, and I hope they're both able to find some closure, because it honestly seems like all that Ryoga wants is to be friends with Satsuki again and that he never wished to cause any harm.

Shion Kaida - 6/10 His lines in Stronger were so catchy, his voice is so alluring and definitely fits his personality. I hope he grows on me as time goes on, because I do think he's an interesting character, however currently they are dancing on a slippery slope with portraying him and how he interacts with others (especially Kenta)

Kenta Mikoshiba - 7.5/10 I want to rate him higher, I really do, because I love me a rowdy little gremlin who isn't afraid to say "fuck you" and is also a hacker, however he does have a tendency to go too far with his insults sometimes and need to learn how to calm down. He's going through his edgy teenager phase and I love that for him, just someone please teach him to stop being a 4chan troll for the love of god. I love how fast he raps though, and his little laugh in the background in Stronger as well.

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privateanxieties · 1 year

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Hi, first of all, I love your work so much. You understand the character, and your writing is so eloquent and compelling, it’s UGH love it. The golden age has a very special place in my heart, makes me as writer go “this. this is what I want to achieve.” Tangent aside, just wondering if I could get some more info on the next update of “the nearness of you in my imagination?” 🫶

Hiiiiii! Thank you so much! The golden age is my favorite story I've written so far. I think I was just in a different headspace entirely, and more focused than I am now. I also wrote it for me and no one else, and I think generally, writers do their best work when they don't pay any mind to things like audience reception. I honestly hope to write more like this in the coming months.

As for the coffee shop AU... boy, if that story isn't banging pots and pans in my head because I want to finish it, and at the same time, I don't even know what I was going for when I wrote those chapters. I think something got away from me and the more I tried writing the next chapter, the more frustrated I got. I suppose I'm not very good at writing serial fics without finishing them first, and then posting. I wrote a little more of the next chapter in December, and should I finally have a serious conversation with the stubborn part of my brain, maybe I will finish it this month. For now, here is a little snippet of Chapter 5:

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"Alchemax is a hydra. With over four hundred official divisions worldwide and who knows how many unofficial hiding holes, the likelihood of escaping their grasp once the tentacles have ensnared you is slim. It's this knowledge that has kept Peter nailed to his spot at the edge of her bed until the clock struck 7 p.m., long after he returned from the subway station.

He should have never left her alone. Waiting for her on the fire escape after their fight was the worst decision he made, but he figured she needed some time to cool off. She was safe, after all. She had his scarf.

But then he found it lying at the bottom of the stairs, the brown wooly fabric turned a nauseating maroon and the tracker he'd sown into the lining crushed beyond use. She couldn't have done that herself. Either the scarf was removed by her (and considering his fuck-up earlier, there was a high possibility), or it was forcibly removed by someone else. The blood on the stairs makes him think of all the ways she might've been killed, but the absence of a body has him hoping against all hope.

He was minutes late when seconds counted. Now, he has no idea where to start looking.

Is he even looking for her? Or is revenge the only remaining option? They would not have killed her so quickly. Why threaten and intimidate for weeks just to end it with no grandiose gesture? Why break into her apartment just to leave without incident?

No, that's not like Powell, Peter thinks. And tonight, Spider-Man will pay him a visit.

Being kidnapped is not the ideal way to find out things about yourself, but it is no less effective than any other method. For example, she'd probably have to undergo a year of therapy just to figure out she's not as afraid of dying as any normal person should be. Instead, here she is: figuring it out in the less than twenty minutes that she's been awake, strapped to a vertical slab of metal. She's not afraid of dying, because she suspects it would be preferable to whatever is in store for her.

It's quiet where she is, and bright enough that keeping her eyes open for more than a few seconds at a time hurts. The two or three times she's tried inspecting her surroundings revealed little more than the sterile environment she could already identify using her sense of smell. White tile, stainless steel, glass and antiseptic - the laboratory setting is unmistakable and not that fascinating. She isn't terribly interested in studying it. It only adds to the stress bubbling under her skin, weighing down already heavy limbs. Everything hurts. From the moment she came to, the pain worked to propel memories to the forefront of her mind.

Stairs. Cold. Sharp edges. Acute panic. Stolen breath. Despair. She cycled through the abstract until the concrete materialized soon thereafter.

Someone pushed her, that she knows. She tumbled down an interminable flight of stairs that cut into her kidney and broke more than one or two essential things. At the bottom, her head cracked off the pavement so hard that it erased the pain for one blissful second. It didn't last. Lying there in disbelief, involuntary squawks and forced breaths all disordered, she waited for something to happen that would annul reality. Maybe she would wake up in bed. Maybe her body wasn't giving out on her.

The taste of copper threatening to choke her contradicted everything her mind came up with to soothe itself, until it finally caved into nothingness.

She was making her way out of the station, lost in bitterness and on the verge of angry tears. She wasn't paying attention; she was trying to shove down feelings that made her chest tight and her hands clammy. Played. Strung along. Used. Exploited. Coaxed with sweet words and overt affection. Before her stomach was churning with dread and pain from the fall, it was already gnawing at her from sheer defeat."

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So. Yeah.

I also have a problem with this story because I wrote it in the present tense and have since written all my other stories in the past tense. It's getting harder and harder to switch!

I'm sorry to keep people in suspense, waiting on a story that isn't finished, but at least I know now not to post any kind of story in chapters before it's well and truly wrapped up. It's not just better in terms of managing expectations, but serial writing is just very open to a lot of errors, plot holes, inconsistent characterization etc...

I hope you stick around to see it finished! Thank you for reading and for sharing your thoughts with me, it means a lot! :)

#anon response #the nearness of you #peter parker fic #my WIPs

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sbbarnes · 1 year

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So Stephen King went on twitter and compared criticism of cultural appropriation in literature to book banning. Oh boy.

I've known for a long time that if I am serious about getting my work published, establishing some sort of online presence on social media is an unavoidable evil. Not only am I ambivalent at best about the role social media plays in the world these days, I'm also deeply lazy about maintaining it. However, here I am, giving it by best effort.

Further than that, though, every time some new wave of discourse about a media creator breaks into my relatively small corner of the internet, my first thought is always "why did they have to share this opinion with the world?". Genuinely, sincerely, this post notwithstanding, even if my little cozy mystery about an academic and an auto mechanic finding love in the Hudson Valley does reach anyone someday, I would love if my opinions continue to interest no one at all.

Not that I don't think I have good opinions! They're mine, I'm partial, and I post them online more than is good for me or anyone else. And I'm not here to talk about cancel culture, smarter and more eloquent people have done that to little to no effect. I'm talking more about two things: Death of the Author and the twitter word limit and how they do not mix well.

Personally, I think this is a very bad take on King's part. Criticism is not the same thing as banning; people should be allowed to express when they think someone's ideas are bad or harmful. It's not the same as wanting to ban a book, not least because criticism lacks the authority to ban. Especially because book banning is often used to silence minority voices, and criticism of cultural appropriation in books is pointing out that the publishing industry these days elevates white voices and appropriation and thereby also silences minority voices. The comparison criticism and banning not only misses the differing intent behind the two things, it cuts out the structural elements of the industry being criticized and turns it into a "bad people want to ban books" discussion rather than "the system is discriminatory towards minority voices" discussion.

This kind of take has an origin, though. King is from a different generation than a lot of people reacting to his post, and his generation was deeply influenced by the first cultural backlashes to the horrors of Nazism. It created this very single-minded "all book banning is bad because the Nazis did it" type of discourse at the time, which perseveres in a lot of people. I see this a lot in my day job, where I interact with a lot of Germans in King's age group who were socialized to intensely reject anything perpetuated by the Nazis. Which is obviously a good impulse!

But it leads straight into the tolerance paradox where I then find myself explaining that it's not at all the same thing for young people of color to not accept being forced into reading literature in a school setting that uses racist language uncritically, or literature that uses racist language if that racist language isn't contextualized in class. This is a very different starting point for editing a curriculum - it's starting at a point of wanting to protect young, vulnerable people and to educate about and contextualize older texts that reproduce a colonial mindset. And because via repetition the "all book banning is bad" take has become oversimplified to the point of being an absolute, a lot of people aren't prepared to discuss it with nuance at all.

I have no idea where King stands on all these things, because he posted one tweet on the matter, which is a space that just utterly disallows for the nuance of the topic. And that one two-sentence tweet already has several thousand replies and far more people talking *about* it, to the point where any agent would probably recommend King say nothing more on the subject, because it will just create more discourse. Let's be real, King's career will not be affected, especially if he just ignores it for now.

But what I wonder is why he had to weigh in at all and why people had to engage and respond. Twitter killing death of the author is not news, but incidents like these are so starkly representative of how much easier it was to be a reader when you didn't have access to author's thoughts on everything.

#stephen king #racism #nazism #book banning #censorship #appropriation #cultural appropriation #discourse #twitter

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pentanguine · 1 year

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Half an hour ago I finished The Hands of the Emperor, and I truly cannot decide whether I liked this book.

This book was recommended to me by so many people, and multiple sources have compared it to Lois McMaster Bujold, so my hopes were so high! And parts of those hopes were fulfilled! And yet!

It’s like...did I enjoy the part where the Emperor goes on holiday and learns to make friends? Yes. Did I feel cheated out of subsequent scenes with the Emperor when this turned into a Coming of Career book for Kip? Yeah.

Did I really enjoy the themes of being torn between two cultures and two sets of people who love you and value you in different ways? Yes, and I almost cried at some of the lines! Was I ready to tear my hair out by the twenty-fifth conversation wherein Kip was hurt that his family didn’t understand he was in charge of world government and launched into a three page speech about it? Oh boy yes.

The thing is, some of the positive reviews of this book describe it as competence porn (a happy fantasy of someone being Very Good at their job and Doing Good Deeds with it), and most of the negative reviews describe it as Kip being the Specialest Statesman of All Time, but I don’t feel like either of them capture what bothered me about Kip in the second, very repetitive half of this book.

This is probably a very me response to have to this book, but I just wish everyone had been a bit less nice.

I don’t think it’s unrealistic that Kip is That Good at managing world government (sometimes you really are just That Good at something super complex and it really does feel second nature to you, oh well), but what I do find unrealistic is how everyone loves and respects him...even people who don’t love and respect him??

What I find unrealistic is that he has an eloquent five page rant in him for every occasion, and his principles never falter, and his language is always precisely chosen even when he’s furious. And everyone loves this quality of his, and he is truly beloved on a personal level by everyone in his hometown, and he just...can’t seem to do anything wrong!!

I want someone to dislike him! Not a cartoonish political foil like Prince Rufus, but one of his old friends, someone he cares about, maybe someone in the palace who shares his goals for world government but finds his air of non-stop efficiency absolutely maddening. I want him to say something gauche that doesn’t get immediately re-inscribed as acceptable by laughter at Kip’s fiery temper! I want him to fuck up! I want the world to be more fucked up! I want famines and wars and vicious people who do terrible things and assholes who have all the benefits of the world Kip’s created and who choose to screw over other people anyway! I don’t want to read about the Perfect Man in a Perfect World!

Unfortunately...that’s what this book is! Like, that is 100% the project the author set out to write here, and she wrote it, and it’s so much more of a treatise about a Good Man in a Good World than I’d prefer. I love slow, slice-of-life, character-driven books, and I love books that focus on unlikely protagonists, like bureaucrats who stay in the background while quietly running an entire government. And I loved all of that in this book, and I liked more things besides. But there were also so many things that drove me nuts, and I often put the book down for a week or more because I just was not having a good time. Oh well.

Since I’ve named the book in the post this will probably show up in the tag, so I hope all of the fans are enjoying the cozy utopian fantasy that is clearly so dear to them, your book is not my book and that’s ok.

#hands of the emperor spoilers #an inexhaustable source of magic #one of these days i will change that tag but that day is also not today #personal

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hattythewriter · 1 year

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Quick Undertale ramblings on the alarm clock and religion portrayal

Howdy and Hola, friends. So a while ago on my Asriel character arc post, doloresbernathypiplup and admiral2019 were asking about whether or not I was following the winter alarm clock dialogue and how Asriel's conversion to Christianity works in Wholehearted when it seems like the Foxverse cast has their own religious system. While I did answer those questions in the comment section, I wanted to describe my answers more eloquently in one post so that no communication gaffs happen. I'm also afraid that I came off too dismissive or blunt without intending to, so I wanna give more detail as to my opinions on both, since both dolores and admiral have understandably decent questions.

...

First, the alarm clock dialogue. I DON'T consider it canon. This is probably an unpopular opinion on tumblr, but I don't take it as canon. The reasons why I don't are, 1.) the project got canceled and never fully released. If the project were finished, then there's a possibility things would be different. But, even though dialogue got released, the clock never got finished like Undertale itself did. 2.) Toby has said before that merch isn't canon, but if the clock were released in full in an alternate timeline, then it would perhaps stretch into the "merchandise" category. In that scenario, a fully released clock being canon would be contradictory since it then becomes merch in the manner of a downloadable app. And 3.) the Undertale wiki has described the clock as "dubiously canon," which puts a question mark on canon reliability for the clock as well.

It's cool if others treat the clock as canon; I'm fine with that. But my own wish and hope are that anyone who stumbles across my story will understand *why* I don't personally consider it canon and thus don't follow it as a reference point in my works (and for understandable reasons) and are willing to agree to disagree with me. As long as people can roll with that and not try to discredit my work simply because I don't agree with the clock and are cool with agreeing to disagree instead, we're all good here.

...

Now, portraying Asriel as a believer in my works. I know people have discussed before that the monsters seem to have a religion based around the "Angel" and thus, why would Asriel convert to Christianity in the Wholehearted series, especially considering the "Angel religion" as we'll call it? I'll also explain more about that here.

Undertale and Deltarune are confirmed to be on two separate timelines. This point of reference is *really* important, because just because some lore is portrayed one way in Deltarune doesn't mean a writer has to *follow* said lore in an Undertale-based story, and vice versa. This is due to them being on different timelines, and thus part of why I can write Asriel as a Christian in an Undertale based story without worrying about Deltarune. Let's get into that now.

In Deltarune, we have a fully-fledged religion based around the Angel. Lighteners worship the Angel as their god, and there's a full church system based around him. Not only that, but characters like Asriel, Toriel, Monster Kid, and Reverend Alvin faithfully worship the Angel in said game, with Asriel even being a church choir boy and a religious ska enjoyer. How does this differ in Undertale? Well, we hear of an Angel prophecy where the Angel, who has seen the surface, will free the monsters one day (which is revealed to be Asriel/Flowey). However, there are many *key* differences here. In Undertale, while the prophecy speaks very positively about the Angel, we never see any church system, nor religious ska, nor choir, nor worship system build on the Angel at all. Asriel/Flowey/the Angel is treated more like a mysterious folk hero. But in Deltarune, on the other hand, the Angel is worshipped, revered, sung about, and has a full church system built upon him. We also don't know if Asriel/Flowey is the Angel yet in that game or not. Due to those fundamental differences between games, we can safely conclude that while the Angel religion is indeed a thing in Deltarune, it's *not* necessarily a religion in Undertale and is more left up to interpretation due to being far more vague and less evidence for existing as a full-scale religion in Undertale.

As for me writing Asriel as a Christian in Wholehearted, it's for many reasons. 1.) When I learned that he loved religious ska and was a faithful choir boy in Deltarune, I just translated those elements over to my Undertale post-pacifist work as a neat little easter egg thing. 2.) I'm a believer myself, and I wanted to insert a little personal part of myself into Asriel's character to give me more motivation to write. 3.) The motive for him becoming a Christian is to be free from his past and finally feel clean, wanting to be permanently forgiven for all he's done. This is explained in Wholehearted Half-Souls chapter 2, where the narrator explains that he now wears "a wooden cross necklace also dangles around Asriel's neck, reaching down to the upper part of his chest. Being a religious child of faith, he is now renewed *with hope of finally being free, and being permanently forgiven for his past.*" He also says in a later chapter (WHHS, chapter 13) that he was never a real God, and he was very arrogant in that claim, helping develop his growth in humility.

For those reasons, Asriel being a Christian is understandable for multiple reasons and both from a "Deltarune translation over to Undertale" easter egg perspective (with some tweaks) and a character arc perspective. I'll be focusing on his conversion more, however, in Wholehearted Origins, with "First Day" releasing during the next few weeks. That story takes much time to focus on how he's seeking permanent forgiveness and wants to come to terms with his past. That's the origin of how he becomes a believer in my work. And hey, considering all the guilt he's built up, it makes sense as to why he would do such. As long as that motive is there, it helps me avoid being too preachy or on the nose in my stories.

...

I'm sorry if I was too blunt or dismissive in the comments. That was not my intention, and I want to give a more fully-fledged answer now so that everyone knows I'm not mad or angry with anyone. I just have thought a lot about this and feel passionate about it. In any event, thanks to both delores and admiral for their questions and interest.

I'll leave it here for now. Take care, friends. I'll see you guys this weekend for the official release of chapter 2 of "First Day" on AO3 and Wattpad.

#undertale #undertale au #canon compliant #post canon #wholehearted origins #wholehearted saga #wholehearted half-souls #whhs #asriel whhs #flowey whhs #undertale alarm clock #undertale pacifist #ramblings #Christian references #deltarune

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persephoneflouwers · 1 year

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Angie you just made me cry with your Saturdays analysis. The first time I listened to it, it felt like the song was about losing someone and not just in the way of breaking up but more permanent you know? And you just put all of that so eloquently and I agree with so much of what you said there. I thought it was about Jay but it makes sense to be about his sister as well. This song was the one I was crying my heart out to when I heard it live, and it probably will always remain that way.

His songwriting just takes you places where he imagines and makes you feel so many emotions. Especially nostalgia. It's the worst feeling ever (at least to me) because it's always so intense and he makes me feel that with so many of his songs! It's why I always connect so deeply to his lyrics and why his voice has so much effect on me. His voice just makes the feeling so much more real cause he's so raw in the songs.

Anyways sorry for the rant. I just love Saturdays and after the concerts I literally can't stop listening to it and crying everytime.

Oooh ♥️♥️♥️

If you don’t mind I will add this to our little Saturdays mental breakdown. You said the perrrfect word: nostalgia. I wrote something about nostalgia in Louis songs and Tumbrl is being kind enough to help me find that post yayyy so I will quote myself lol

The word nostalgia comes from Greek and it contains two words: νοστος and αλγος. It used to indicate the pain (algos) of the return (vostos). It describes the emotional ache of missing something you can’t have and the strive to have it again. […]

The modern use of the word nostalgia is a bit different and it applies to situations that have changed, that somehow stay in the past. You can’t go back to them (and if you try nostalgia gets even deeper). Usually it applies to feelings, emotional states, places. It’s a very mature feeling and I love it. Louis seems to consider it a lot in his music too: «Yeah, it was one of the keywords that kept coming up conceptually was 'change'. 'Changes' and 'Choices' for whatever reason. I think I've got to that age in my life where there is a lot of change happening around me. And also, across a few of the songs on the record there is an element of nostalgia as well which is obviously also related to change so it kind of just happened naturally, really.»

I just love to rant about stuff and find as many philosophical and mythological connections as possible. Sorry not sorry <3

#angels in my box #saturdays is my second child #saturdays analysis #fitf lyrics #fitf #louis songwriting #topic: nostalgia #nostalgia concept

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the-official-account · 2 years

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A Dump of my last pre-s2 theories

(and probably my last unqueued post for the day goddamn.)

Originally written yesterday. Edits day of posting. This post builds of evidence not yet presented in cannon but that is public to build the theory. If you consider that spoilers, dni. But here’s the tea:

On june 6th 2022 I sent this doodle to the discord

[ID: a simple, scribbled ink four panel comic showing a person with a short afro working on a laptop and slowly leaning back in their chair, silently, for three panels as the shot slowly zooms on their face which lookis progressively more worried. The last panel shows a close up of their face as they say “I’m worried about Elio.]

in hindsight I don’t know why i had to draw it out but i did? Alongside this I sent the messages

“Part of me wants la catrina to be undeniably good so bad but the more I think about the "nobody tells you what possession feels like" bit from episode one the more nervous i get and then listening to the season two trailer MMMMMMMM me, knowing he's not gonna be okay: I hope he's okay”

to which samy reacted with a single server emoji of that dude smoking and sighing and i have thought about that fucking reaction EVERY DAY SINCE.

But the REAL kicker? this post

[ID: a red blurry zoom in of the words “elio in season 2″]

IT SAYS ELIO HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF GODS BEINGS PRAYED TO IN SEASON TWO. WHICH. WHAT THE FUCK? AS FAR AS WE FUCKING KNOW, EVERY OTHER PERSON WHO ORIGINALLY PRAYED TO LA CATRINA IS DEAD.

[ID: a meme reaction of a guy pointing to a red stringed, paper covered cork board, explaining a conspiracy.]

Anyways. Here’s where i start copying a lot from the discord so it’s more me being weird and less eloquent essay format.

La Catrina's WHOLE DEAL is that she's a blend between Christian and Nahuatl religion. And GUESS WHAT? THE SHORT STORY CONFIRMS THAT THE SAME IS TRUE ABOUT TALIA And the way the baron and la Catrina dance together? And their deeply worrying plan im the final trailer????? I dont have answers but I do have fear .

What does it meeeeean.........I mean clearly if Leo can be an angel while being anti crusade hope isn't lost but......okay this is a stretch but I wonder if there are crusade-approved....is missionaries the word? Like folks with the crusade, who's whole role in the system is to pray to Christian assimilated versions of dangerous gods to overpower past believers and try to control them. It's a STRETCH. But ??????

Shinji's Shinigami man fucker be stable. Shinji if it comes down to it pleeease pull through.

The Good...ish? news is that though the clip about Talia wanting to be a stripper instead of having to kill god (the funniest thing to say but queen shit) she says she HAS to kill god. Not HAD. So. Uhm. Based on structure shit, and stuff Samy mentioned I can't cite rn (understand that I am very tired and most of these rants happen in this same situation) about the show probably being about 3 seasons I think there's a pretty high chance that end of season 2 brings us up to speed with the narration timeline, because that's just a great opportunity there.

Which means that what I mentioned before about Shinji feeling unsafe mentioning where his family is still has a chance to come to change, so yay good. Elio refers to himself as the bane of crusaders or something along those lines, which means that BEFORE he fights god he's still doing pretty well so, hey, he probably won't get zalien god sucked again. Good, cool, chill.

Downside being we can't be absolutely sure if they live through the whole series but HAHAHA HEYYYY ITS FINE

I'm so mad cause I know there are so many details I'm missing that would make me actually chew on wood furniture as much as I say that like for real. I might speed read the transcripts tomorrow [im not gonna so that asjdlfsfasd im tired] which it probably the worst way to consume this show but I have no defense. But the purpose of the recordings though it so help the next generation basically.

They're for preservation, I don't know how they phrased it exactly (sorry but you haven't seen my cry about the internet archive and I'm not gonna get started about the internet archive because it brings me to tears everytime but that's to say wow preservation is a subject and theme that HITS) but it could, alternatively, be very likely that the show recorded before finally preparations to fight TBMINTS

Which, you know, from a writing perspective there really are those two choices. Let the audience know there is a major format-shifting change end of season 2 to build anticipation for the final season OR save that getting up to speed but until the last few episodes of season 3 because a long term formatting change might annoy some audience members. There's also the idea that you can get up to speed, have daily/more recent audio-diary-like things, and then do a format switch end of season 3

We've got to find out about them fighting god somehow, and I don't know if the current format fits that whole deal? Maybe it could, I’d love to see it if it did, but I think the chances for a switch are high and what that says about the pacing of the show has some effect on how sure I am that my faves are gonna live ngl.

Like if you wait til the last few episodes a reflective on the noble deaths of the big 3 would work pretty well and yes it would be a wonderful story if it went that way I have full faith, but I also don't WANT it yk?

But I do not see all the cogs I am a poor fic writer leaning up a cypress tree etc.

[Here, a brief discussion on themes of cultural preservation and how they’re often recorded in real life]

Which HITS with elio especially. And also talia having read that short story. They had parallels but now they have PARALLELS. I just am literally so scared for elio next season though. And Talia by parralell extension but also cause I think Samy mentioned giving more into her deal s2 in the q&a? But less like SCARED scared.

Okay wait hello this is very but IS it a stretch to say there may be legions of believer’s tainting how the god’s menifest? Like it's a stretch if you're assuming these people are AWARE of their roles in the system. That it's an intentional force by each individual directed at helping the crusade

BUUUUUUT TBMINTS runs on media. He run on major movies. If I was the god of a massive, relatively culturally cohesive continent (north America in comparison to, like, Asia, has very few thriving cultures, the colonialism will do that to you) and I was created by, and therefore knew how to leverage, media to harness belief to get more power from humans, like the next step would very obviously be to manufacture more media to help reach my goals.

And if I was manufacturing media to help me goals with a very large, organized force that surely has some sort of research division because what is marketing if not research but evil, I would totally say to myself

Hey!

I can control other gods by controlling the perspectives of their believers!

Hey! I can make people believers and shape their beliefs with media!

Hey! Why not send out various targeted feeds in the news and in pop culture funded by my massive organized theocracy showing the most powerful of my enemies as fitting more cleanly into the idea of good and evil that benefits me, both so that the I convince the subjects of my dominion their is no other alternative than the way I rule and also to hinder the other gods by making them more wreckless and more violent in ways that do not help their ultimate goals and create a cycle of demonizing them in the eyes of the masses? Literally what is stopping me from doing that?

NOTHING.

[Edit: There’s some evidence to by found maybe in that Elio who grew up in the americas had no fucking clue about the governments of europe and japan until he was told. Smells like a propaganda machine to me.]

And if it wasn't TBMINTS plotting himself he's got, like, at least a million bootlickers one of them has gotta be a mastermind with how much holy steroids he pumps into them.

And like. The show's been...well it hasn't defined belief yet, which is really what leaves room for this theory.

Marcus didnt believe in lady luck in the same way elio believed in La Catrina (shrouding themselves in dark robes and praying In basements "it was all very dramatic") he just saw her once and just kinda lived his life knowing that. It only came into play much later when he needed to confront it.

Witches are just assured of themselves and their power. That's a background belief they don't pray to themselves they don't actively maintain that.

And Samar's whole deal?

My point is with the breadth of diversity in what "belief" is in the show and how it powers gods there's definitely space for this crackpot theory still (watch that change as soon as this ep drops shfskhslss) [edit: VINDICATION! you cant call me wrong yet] but if I get even one thing right I'm gonna be elated.

But god also?? Like I feel like we're lead to believe fighting TBMINTS is going to be a physical thing. The trio's growing strengths are very physically centered. But how do you kill a god REALLY? With as many followers as he has even if you somehow slew him, what stops TBMINTS from immediately being reborn? His power comes from the cultural eradication of nonbelievers, and as Leo's sympathetic example could be taken to hint at: you really just can't kill all those people. Many of them are just ...people. not crusaders.

SOOOOOOOOO IN THAT CASE. If you're fighting a god of the media in a world where where all power is based on popular belief and perception is not the best counterattack to create your own media? Physical aptitude keeps them alive, it wins the small battles, but it hearts and minds that win the war

WHAT IF THE REAL UNIMAGINABLY POWERFUL WEAPON WAS THE PODCAST WE'RE LISTENING TO ALL ALONG?!?!?!!?!

#13th #June #2022 #June 13th 2022 #accidentally saved this as a draft on main and im not moving it #but OP is still the one and only edil #i began this rant after midnight #which is neccessary for ontext i think #but i did take a fat nap also #edil theorizes about desperado #desperado podcast

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