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zen-the-dumb · 7 months

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Hawks Hurt/comfort Headcannons

(For this one I am finally diving into something besides mental distress. This is really not my area, so for this im just gonna do my best because i am much more used to emotional and mental distress in fanfic- so. Apologies in advance if the physical hurt/comfort is bad.)

Sick!reader

Whatever you have, he most likely is falling over you and panicking.

It doesn’t matter how minor it is, he will take care of you while you are sick. He will make you soup. He will bring you blankets. He will make you tea. He will go and buy the medicine you need.

He Is the epitome of caring boyfriend, he cares so much and doesn’t hesitate to risk getting sick by taking care of you, it’s really nice.

Is he a personal heating pad when you get the chills? Yes.

He monitors your temperature the entire time that you’re sick. If it goes past 38.8 degrees Celsius (102 degrees Fahrenheit) he is taking you to the doctor, even if he could just give you some medicine to reduce your temperature, but y’know-

He will indeed hug you under the 5 blankets he brought you if you’re clingy when you’re sick.

Movies. He sits in bed with you and watches movies whenever he’s free.

Keigo makes damn sure you are getting enough liquids. You will stay hydrated under his watch and he will bring you 3 bottles of water per day and make sure that you drink them.

Makes an effort to find medicines that will ease nausea.

He is the type to hate having to leave you alone while you’re hurting. So, he’s with you as much as possible.

(back to depressing shit-)

Reader with an eating disorder (Tw! Eating disorders. If you are triggered by eating disorder mentions, please DNI. Instructions on how to find support resources will be pinned in comments)

When he found out, he was extremely disturbed and began feeling guilty that he hadn’t realised it earlier. When you assured him that it wasn’t his fault, he still felt he should have known earlier.

(Anorexia)

He began monitoring your meals and worked with you to create a meal plan that you were comfortable with. Keigo gave you choices in your diet, but he simultaneously was making sure you were getting enough food and proteins and such.

He also probably suggests taking you to a dietitian if you were still worried about how much you were eating, just for extra reassurance.

If your eating disorder was too bad that you were severely underweight and/or refused to cooperate, he would insist upon putting you into a recovery program. He knows that that can be scary for someone, but he wants you to get better, and with it being that bad, he doesn’t think he should help without a professional.

Whenever he first found out about it, he gave you the biggest hug ever, wanting to make you feel better about yourself.

(Bulimia)

Found out after seeing your patterns of immediately going to the bathroom after you ate every single time. He had followed you and waited outside the bathroom door and barged in a few minutes after you went in.

Probably questioned why you would do something like that. He didn’t mean for it to sound like he was mad, cause he wasn’t, but he couldn’t help raising his voice a bit.

Keigo was trying to be caring as he could to try to attempt to make you feel better.

He formulated a plan with you to help you get better. He suggested multiple reasonable solutions, for example, you staying near him after eating and actually communicating when you felt like you needed to go force yourself to throw up.

He also suggested therapy and/or a recovery program for yourself.

(Binge eating disorder)

Keigo would help you with things like hiding food and such. He knows how guilty you feel after binging and he comforts you whenever you binge again.

He tries his best to keep you as happy as possible so you don’t feel the need to binge when you’re sad.

Hawks tries to help you enforce healthy eating habits by keeping logs of what you eat and tend to binge. If you decide you don’t want the temptation to binge, he will throw out the foods you most often binge (with your permission of course)

Traumatized!reader

(TW!: MENTIONS OF PHYSICAL AND MENTAL ABUSE AND/OR NEGLECT)

(Physical abuse)

Depending on the time this took place, he has different reactions:

Childhood: When he is informed about what you went through as a child and teenager, he feels incredibly sad that you had to go through that. He asks if this has negatively effected your experience as an adult. He is now conscious of his movements, making sure not to do anything that could trigger a reaction from you.

Ongoing: He asks you why you are still with the person or people that are abusing you. Then he gets pissed. Most likely asks to speak to whoever it is that has been harming you. Either beats the shit out of them or just straight up calls for their arrest. Police will be called.

(Mental abuse)

Childhood: He asks if you have ever sought help for the trauma that occured. If you have not, he suggests that if it’s still bothering you, (which, why wouldn’t it?) you should seek help for it. If you can’t for whatever reason, he offers to listen to your ventings whenever you are feeling bad.

Ongoing: He asks why anyone would ever do that to you (Because you are a lovely human being <3). He’s pissed off that you’ve been neglected and hurt by others and most likely will get into a screaming match with whoever it is who hurt you if he ever encounters them. Does his best to get you out of the situation.

Anxious!reader

He is the ultimate anxiety soother.

If you wake up from a nightmare in the middle of the night and are extremely anxious, he will not hesitate to wrap his wings around you and shush you back to sleep

If you’re socially anxious, he will offer you his hand to hold whenever he sees that you’re getting nervous.

I feel like he bought you one of those anxiety ring. If you pick at your fingers, he probably bought it to keep you from hurting yourself. If not, then he just figured it would give you something to distract yourself with.

Very sympathetic.

Keigo will always remove you from any uncomfortable situations you find yourself in socially. Someone hitting on you? REMOVE. A group of people overwhelming you? REMOVE. You get the point.

______________________________________________________________

Hope you enjoyed!

*_Requests are open, check my blog for more details!_*

_*1129 words*_

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sinistershepherd · 2 years

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AAAHHH SORRY IM LATE I FINISHED BAND THINGS :D

Have there been times where one of the brothers may have found themself in a depressive episode? If so, Who helped them? Did the Daycare shut down temporarily? /nf

NO PRESSURE I’M LAUGHING MY ASS OFF BEST REACTION EVER THANKS <3

I’m so ready and I’m doing it in story-style HA

Moon didn’t really mean to drag everyone down like this. He just….sometimes gets these feelings, really extreme, foreign feelings that make him so outrageously sad that functioning becomes a chore. He doesn’t really talk to anyone about it, but his change in mood is usually quite obvious. Sluggish, numb. Distant, as if his mind has wandered across the world and has yet to make its way back.

Sun has trouble approaching Moon at these times, because he knows the reality is that there isn’t much he can say to ease what his brother is feeling. Moon has always been the less-clingy loner of the two, but Sun can’t help the feeling that he has to do something. Moon’s mood can rub off on Sun at times, and when the chipper jolly one becomes quiet and agitated, Moon, in turn, notices as well.

They notice each other’s pain whenever it happens. It bounces off one and sticks to the other, true proof of their bonds strength. Both would suffer in this feeling for a while, avoiding things that they would normally take very seriously- even, at times, the kids.

Moon watches as the security guards close the doors come 6am, as neither daycare attendant has shown face since the night prior. Guilt eats away at his bubbling emotions, weighing heavily on his shoulders in a way that makes him want to lay back down, even though he just got up.

“I haven’t seen them for a while.” Chica would be first to bring up the pairs absence, and Freddy would agree that, yes, their sudden disappearance is quite odd. Sure, the brothers usually kept to the daycare for security and cleaning and all those busying tasks…but they would come out to say goodnight to everyone before they fully retreated into their own bedrooms to recharge. Every night, when they could, they would knock on each individual door, give a small wave each, and ask how the other was doing.

Monty and Roxy remain silent. It is Roxy who appreciated those careless questions that most overlook, sometimes talking quietly with the duo about her insecurity issues and how hard it is sometimes to put on a brave face.

Her ears go back, lip twitching in an odd way that does not, for once, resemble her normal undying annoyance or attitude.

“A knock wouldn’t hurt, right? I mean, what’re they gonna do, ban us?” Roxy tries to sound nonchalant, but everyone knows what she means.

I’m scared for them. I’m not the only one, right?

“Those jolly jesters do liven the mood quite a bit ‘round here, ain’t no fault in checkin’ in.” Monty sways his tail, then curls it around his legs, raising it up towards his hands. He fidgets with the tip, carefully moving it between his oversized claws.

“Great! We should get going then, it’s getting late, and I don’t want to miss up on a chance to make sure they’re okay for the night!” Freddy exclaims, ears perking up as the others all come to the same conclusion. Chica gives her old friend a small smile, as if reading Freddy’s anxious mind. She knows he has trouble proposing ideas in front of the others.

The group travels, single file, towards the daycare doors.

The entire room beyond the shutter is dark and lacks the normal cheery music the play place is known for. Nothing but silence and a pitch black vale over everything around them.

The quiet unnerves the band. Some take steps back, while others shrink in on themselves. It feels like a ghost town, so empty and void of life.

Though, one shared thought transmits between the four…

They need us. Now.

————————————————————

They don’t reach out. They’re not known for reaching out, usually being the ones to provide comfort instead of having it for themselves.

“Moon?” Sun’s voice echoes around the room, and the lunar animatronic struggles not to flinch from the sudden noise. A pillow lays lazily over his head, nightcap strewn out over the comforter beside him.

“Hm?” Is all Moon can manage- a soft hum, dulled by days of solitude and sadness.

“We…we need to talk.”

Moon can feel tears prick at his eyes. Oh, what have I done now? I’ve been good, I’ve been quiet. I haven’t hurt anybody, have I? I’ve neglected the kids, but-

The realization hits, and he jerks upwards, startling his brother.

“I’m sorry!” The sudden exclamation further confuses Sun, but Moon continues before he can ask what he’s sorry for; “I-I didn’t mean to be so….so absent and just- wow, I’ve done it again, haven’t I? You…that’s why you’ve been so upset. Because I’ve been upset. I-I didn’t mean-“ The tone of his voice isn’t quite panic. Isn’t quite anything, really. Hopeless and desperate, guilt gnawing at his voice box in a way that makes Sun want to cry.

“No, nonono, Moon, this isn’t your fault. None of this is your fault.” Sun cuts in, stepping forwards with frantic hands waving as if trying to dispel his brother’s self-degrading thoughts. Moon stops, staring. Silent. He doesn’t understand. How isn’t it his fault? Sun is sad, the daycare is closed, everything is quiet and dreary and it’s…all because of this empty feeling that sits on him like an elephant.

Yet, just like everything else, that guilt fades into nothing. Numb, so numb. His expression falls away into carelessness, and all he can do is look down, away from Sun’s prying eyes.

“What’s wrong? You…you aren’t at fault for how I’m feeling, okay? You’re struggling too. I get that. I’m here, alright?” The bed shifts as Sun sits down, his gaze burning holes into everything that Moon has ever known.

But then, it hits. For some reason, all those feelings hit at once. All it took was three words that his processor managed to pick out amongst the other sympathetic nothings that Sun murmured.

Moon breaks down into sobs. His whole body shakes, lunging forwards towards his brother, clinging to him with trembling hands. Sun is stunned for a moment, but then, he hugs back. He pulls Moon close and tucks his head under his own, gently rubbing his back without a word.

It hits for them both, really.

I can’t say anything about it because I don’t understand it. I’m sorry and I don’t know why.

The door opens, startling them both. Moon moves to pull Sun down, shifting to lean over his brother’s shoulder in a protective manner despite the black streams still leaking down his face.

The band stands in the doorway in silence for a moment. All for of them stare, wide-eyed.

Roxanne breaks the silence first.

“It’s hard, isn’t it?”

Everyone’s eyes turn to her.

“That…that feeling, I mean. Kinda…kinda crushing, isn’t it?”

Both brothers nod. Monty looks away, Freddy’s ears droop, and Chica steps forwards with a worried expression on her face.

“Oh, you two…” She whispers, pulling her hand back before she can fully extend it, giving the brothers some space. Moon moves back, sitting onto the bed with a dazed look on his face.

“What’s going on? Is something wrong with us?” Sun asks, mild panic sinking into his tone.

“No! No, of course not! We just…we understand, is all. You two always check on us, so…I think we’d like to repay the favor.” Chica explains, but Moon shakes his head.

“Not a favor. It should be a given. You all…deserve someone to lean on.” He mutters, and then, Monty moves forwards, pushes past Chica, and grabs both brothers. He pulls them close, displaying a gentle nature that has never, and will never again, be his trademark. I’m this one moment, he isn’t a rockstar on stage with his crew and flashy lights.

He’s a friend.

“You two deserve it just as much as we do.” Chica smiles a soft, sad kind of smile. Moon struggles to hold back the tears that begin dripping down his face again. Chica moves forwards, as well, joining the hug from the side. Then Roxy, and Freddy, all piled close to the two daycare attendants, of whom start to let all that feeling out in the safety of their friends- no, families arms.

“Nothing is wrong with either of you. You’re just…more human than you think.” Roxy starts, then pauses before continuing; “For better or for worse.”

“We have issues too. I struggle with organizational anxiety and repeated action until it feels correct or acceptable. I…believe people call it ‘OCD’? Oh, and….social anxiety is also a big one. That’s why my meet and greets are held in my room instead of backstage or out in the main atrium.” Freddy admits, and, though his timing is off, Monty breaks out into a cackle.

“I’ve actually been talkin’ to staff, takin’ advice behind the scenes…IED. It’s an…anger disorder, categorized by ‘sudden outbursts’ or somethin’. Bipolar disorder also works alongside that, so that’s why I’m sucha mess, heh.” The large gator admits with a toothy grin to follow it up.

“I have ADHD! I also have numerous eating disorders, such as Pica and Binge Eating. I’ve known for a while, and often talk to staff about their own experiences with their own mental illnesses. I like to understand what they’re going through so that I don’t assume.” Chica chimes in, then the room falls silent for a while.

“I have depression. That’s…that’s what you two are suffering from.”

Roxanne’s voice seems so much louder than it is. Sun and Moon freeze, then their expressions fall into different states of despair and the worst, most unwanted type of realization one can feel.

“Depression? Won’t we be judged for that?” Sun’s voice raises into panic, and Roxy motions for the hug to break up so that the two can have their space.

“If you do,” The wolf starts, meeting Sun’s gaze with her own predatory stare; “Send them to me. There isn’t anything wrong with feeling stuff, guys. There isn’t good or bad feelings. There’s just…feelings. Categorizing them only makes you feel worse.” With that, she stands, and shrugs.

“But that’s just what I’ve learned. To each their own.”

Both brothers look around the room quietly for a moment.

“Thank you.” Sun’s face breaks into a smile, and oh, it is such a welcome sight. Then, the solar animatronic throws his arms around his brother with a big, goofy grin on his face. Sadness still lingers there, but the presence of those around him has already started to lift his spirits.

“Come on, Moony! Lets get your nightcap, maybe that’ll help!” Sun suggests gleefully, and Moon doesn’t move, or turn his head, or shift to get said cap from it’s current placement.

But a small, hopeful smile finds itself across his face. Something fills his chassis, but he can’t find the will to care about what emotion it is. It’s a feeling.

His smile widens.

It’s a feeling that can be saved.

Ending is inspired by this post made by my wonderful mutual!

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faeriecap · 1 year

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HELLO tell me more about the married at first sight au & also setting the woods on 🔥? 👀🌟💕

AJDHDJEJWJWJ so ummmmm idk if you’ve ever SEEN the american reality show Married at First Sight but it’s basically exactly how it sounds, a bunch of single people meet with a group of match makers that includes like a therapist and a pastor and a love expert or smth and then they’re paired up in sponsored weddings where they don’t meet their future spouse until they’re literally at the alter.

anyways my mom got super into reality tv during 2018-2020 and i had to watch a TON of it so i got into the habit of plotting aus. essentially steve and bucky sign up for it but steve gets a nasty shock when his husband to be ends up being the cute boy he met on a school trip to europe then lost all contact with after they went back to their respective homes.

steve’s like ummmm pretty sure i have to back out now even though this is the fucking chance of a lifetime bc this is against the shows rules wait why isn’t bucky saying anything ??? SURPRISE. bucky got amnesia in an accident after high school and now anyone mentioning his life pre-accident makes him extremely upset!!!!! plus he has no memory of meeting steve and never told his family about him so everyone thinks he’s a real stranger! oh no…. what is steve to do???

(steve also looks extremely different (think catfa to infinity war) so he’s not even really recognizable in old photos)

snippet: "You were best friends during the self proclaimed best summer of your life and you never even sent the guy an email?" Sam deadpans.

"Or a friend request? Yeesh." Clint supplies.

"This was pre social media!” Steve protests. “There was no Facebook. There was not even a THE Facebook!"

moving on to 2nwstwof (hahdjejajskdkdkdjsj) this is the midwestern steve au im p sure i have explained in an ask to @kleenexwoman BUT essentially it’s an au where everything is the same except sarah and joseph rogers settle in Kansas instead of brooklyn after arriving from ireland so steve grows up a little farm boy and he and bucky survive the dustbowl instead of the big city depression, they end up in california, and also bucky and rebecca are half lenape

here’s one of the only passages i ever wrote for it:

"Christ."

It was something they always said, the both of them. They'd picked it up from Sarah herself: Jesus Christ, Mary, and Joseph! Steven you get down from that roof!

And yet, "James Buchanan Barnes, don't ye dare to take the lord's name in vain!"

She was always admonishing him like that, even when she knew it was rare his family went to Church. Sometimes, when she said it, it felt like she meant it. And visions of Sarah would come to Bucky's mind, in the creaky frame of the church, knees to the dusty floor, back arched over a pews. Tears in her eyes as she whispered to Her. Murmured softly, gently. Paper things, lace wing things, secret things, soft as a winter cloud pulled thin like cotton across the sky. Lady things. Sarah Rogers and Her Lady Grace. Or Mary. Somebody.

Other times, she'd just sound tired, no different from yelling at the two of them for any of their other antics: letting Maggie the barn owl roost in George's study when she'd busted a wing, nibbling the crusts off the pie Mrs. O'Calahan left on the sill to cool one Sunday in town, trying to paint faces on the spots of an old heifer with the oil set ordered for Steve out of the Sears catalogue and shipped over by the railcars they were forbidden from ever trying to hop on the back of (after that unfortunate first incident).

Tired like if there was anything to set fear into their bellies or their mortal hearts, it wasn't gonna be no Jesus Christ. Exhaustion that always felt a little bit empty. Ghosts hustling in the nooks and crannies of his hallways. Eyes against the glass in the dark. Snatches of stories running ragged through his dreams, swimming in a sea of covers, floating in a giant iron bed. Empty. Absent, the feeling that something was missing. Missing from you.

She’d meet his big, brown eyes over Steve's head, bent over news scraps and a stick of charcoal. And hers were always small, and soft, and seaglass blue.

Yes. They'd say to one another without words. Yes, you know. They stole from you too. They stole it from you too.

To him, Jesus Christ wasn't a ghost. Or a god. Or probably, even a person. Christ. A mutter, a giggle, an exhalation. A Nothing word. It was a cuss, just like any other cuss. It was a name he couldn't pronounce because he didn't care to, jargon he let fall from his tongue like scuffed pebbles into pools of stale rainwater.

#i speak #steeb #bucket #stevebucky #captian america fanfic #asks #jays fanfics #midwestern!steve rogers #native!bucky barnes #married at first sight au #up into arms

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moisummertime · 1 year

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These days I feel exhausted with a lot of things. From working, dating, living situation, etc etc... Living abroad has been a challenging situation for me. I never experience such burnout from just being alive not in my country. Visa, rent, social life, working, and so on.

People thought that living abroad/in exotic places, working remotely, meeting new people all the time is a cool thing. It sounds cool, but it's extremely exhausting sometimes. You need to meet new friends, make sure you have enough money to sustain your lifestyle, unable to feel at home, "interesting" new people, different culture, different food, everything all at once just happening. All I wanted was like, "Okay, problems, get in the line, lemme deal with you one by one." but that's not really what happen. Whether I like it or not I need to be able to handle all of them at the same time along with the stress that came with them.

But as always those things resolved.. Everything back to a slower pace, mental stress get better after ranting a lot, physical stress also slowly get better after so much bed rest, yea, the best way to handle a lot of things that are happening at the same time is by slowing down, make a list of priority and urgency, and slowly execute them all. Not doing anything, at all, will only make me depress for sure hehehe.

Being in Chiang Mai somehow relieving despite of all the stress I went through. Surprisingly I have no issue with my stomach acid. It's always worse whenever I get stress and just making my life even more miserable. Well I guess my blood tension got higher lol

It's def overwhelming sometimes when it comes to having to meet new friends, being around so many people where you know nothing about. Got ghosted by some new people. And the cycle goes on and on. The highlight of this pause that I take in Chiang Mai helps me reevaluate my needs and what I look for in my next partner.

But last September when I came here for the first time my intention was to give myself the chance to keep the promise I made with my ex that we will come here together. And I prove it that I will still come to Thailand whether I was with him or not. I mean, we wanted to keep our promises so badly, but maybe the connection wasn't meant to be. But this place is meant to be visited. It's somehow kinda like a pilgrimage trip to Mecca or Jerusalem. A lot of enlightenment happened lately. I finally taking control on how I want the relations I want to be, what kind of man I want, and even the pace. No more "I let you set the pace, cause Im not thinking straight." Last May I was still like that, but Im gonna do white girls shit now.

"New Year New Me."

I was somehow testing my boundaries earlier this year on how far I should go for someone whom I have no feelings for. I def don't like it lol. So I guess Im not doing The Perks of Being Wallflower thing. I'm not gonna accept the love I think I deserve. These days I remember what Anthony told me. "You want Daaaaaaaamn or Meh?"

If it's Meh I def not gonna go for it. I think this time I've reinvented my own value and what I think I deserve. Although sometimes I still kinda feel hurt of what happened last August, I know that choosing me is the way. I should not get swayed with a "Hello" that I've been desperately waiting for 4 months from some man I met for like 7 days. Like the emotional turmoil that I went through means nothing if I just suddenly just choose to take a flight to Bali just because my emotional ass says so.

But it's definitely taught me that when situation changes, the table turns. And all I got is myself. He was perfect for that time. I wish those last but I def should have never wish more than that. And regardless how everything turned out and the leftover feelings I have to deal with, I still appreciate all the feelings he made me feel. Another good life lessons, noted it Universe.

As this year I also asked Universe to show me what I need to see and learn, to guide me to get through all the life hurdles. Earlier this year Universe shows me that using all my logic also not a good approach. Just because the person has a good portfolio, it doesn't mean he's good. I still need to use my feelings and intuition. All these things will help me reaching what I always wanted in life. May I continue living a blessed life. May I always feel grateful for all the lessons I learned through all my experience. May I flourish and bloom. I accept all the love is given and I give the love that I have to those who are meant to be in my life. Everything's gonna be alright.

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chenbox · 6 years

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if I put out some of my exo merch on here would anyone be interested 😣

#this is gonna sound extremely depressing and im not sure it's the best time to say it LOL but #I think im kinda growing out of Kpop :/// I mean dont get me wrong I still love exo w all my heart #im just not as into Tumblr and stuff and I guess im not as... devoted?? to them which sounds bad but... I mean it's a lot of work keeping up #for any Kpop group too #so idk I think im kinda in a pickle too cuz I lowkey get the feeling that my mutuals here dont give a shit about me anymore sjdfjisdjlfsidf #WHICH!! is kinda my fault too cuz I sorta dropped Tumblr for a while when college started but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ idk #and I do love you all pls dont get that wrong!! I just mean that I dont interact w all of you anymore like I used to and I mean I get it #I hope everyone understands :(( it's not even like im leaving Tumblr lol I think I just felt like I owed everyone a..... an explanation?#it makes me sad that I would even consider getting rid of my merch esp cuz ive beenbuilding it from like the very beginning when I started #stanning exo #but #life life I guess :((( people change sigh...#and ofc im not gonna sell all my shit lol like my albums are a no no but #some of the posters yeah just cuz I have too many and legit no space lol

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hartrathaway · 3 years

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Hii I'm interested in Hartley's story but I know literally nothing about him except that he was Wally's gay bestie in the 90s, what's his deal? Do you have any comic recs for him?

HI IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!!!!!!!

Okay, so really brief, his dealio is: born to ‘incredibly rich’ parents (we never get a specified ballpark, but Hartley states that he was ‘born with two silver spoons in [his] mouth’ if that helps context wise), Hartley’s deaf! His parents had him get cochlear implants when he was a child, which ‘medically healed him’. (His deafness has been treated extremely ablest by writers who actually remember he’s deaf, I need to warn you of this now.) He’s a music and sound waves guy, a former villain (it’s an on again off again relationship, but a lot of his character is defined by his time as a hero) and he’s very leftist. Gay best friend in the AIDS crisis turned Wally West from a midwestern conservative to a leftie as well. (Wally’s wife, Linda Park, was a major contributing factor, but we’re focusing on Hartley for this, so I’m gonna talk about him.)

I’ve got a mix of good reading from all over, so I’m gonna break this into sections, and do my best to describe which is which. (all my screencaps are from this website right here, because i do not own all the back issues and it would have taken much, much longer to do this post, and as such, some of them are not sized or formatted correctly) Click the read more if you’re interested! Please note: I am not a 100% authority figure on Hartley, and I know there’s a few stories I have left out (the story with Bart Allen’s first appearance is a good one that Hartley is in), but these are the gist of who is he, what he’s been up to, and what is the family drama.

So for New Earth (otherwise known as post-Crisis on Infinite Earths), is where Hartley actually becomes Wally’s friend, and is a hero! I’m going to focus on this section first. Unfortunately, due to being a minor character, a lot of stuff is broken into small stories, or things that are happening behind the scenes, so there’s no real issue x - y that’s gonna help much.

The Flash Vol 2 #31, #32 Quick summary: In issue 31, supervillain here is killing homeless people, Hartley has been helping these same people get up on their feet by helping them get squatter’s rights. They skip the fighting because a kid asks if they’re going to fight for a half hour and then team up, and go right to the team up. They get Linda Park in, supervillain ends up backfiring his powers. In issue 32, Wally, Hartley, and their pal Mason officially move to Keystone city. Hartley’s folks are in trouble while the three of them are trying to freeload (off of Hartley’s parents, his and his parents’ relationship is better now than it had been, for a multitude of reasons), Wally and Hartley rescue Hartley’s parents, we also meet Jerrie, Hartley’s sister, and all is resolved there. Yay, the family loves each other again!

(issue 31)

(issue 32)

The Flash Vol 2 #53 Special mention this is the issue where Hartley comes out and also has to inform Wally that Wally cannot tell who is a homosexual. Also Wally’s an IRS agent here, for shame Wallace. At least Hartley gets to cosplay Wally at the end, so that’s fun. Content warning for this issue specifically is some casual homophobia, just so you know that going in.

(issue 53)

The Flash Vol 2 #170 In 170, Hartley’s being contacted by his father to call in ‘a favor’ that Hartley owes him. The main plot line includes (one of) Wally’s ex(es) showing up, a former hero and teammate, Frances Kane, otherwise known as Magneta. A person has been found murdered at Keystone Motors, and supervillain Goldface begins rallying union workers (which seems to just be a poorly timed coincidence). The story itself (170 - 173) in and of itself is really fun, but I’m only going to talk about Hartley, or else I’ll be here all day.

(issue 170)

The Flash Vol 2 #174, #175, #178, #179 And here we get some drama! I’m grouping all of these together, since it’s all the same chunk of the story for Hartley, but since it’s the Flash, Wally’s center stage. In 174, the people who were living with the Rathaway family aren’t exactly big fans of Hartley. They know he’s changed his ways, he’s a hero now, but it’s just… something feels off. There’s loud music sounds, and bam! Suddenly Hartley’s there and oh boy is this gonna be a hot mess. In issue 175, we see some footage, and Hartley’s the lead suspect in his parents’ murder, considering that the footage has Hartley onscreen. 178 rolls up, and after Wally’s getting Gorilla Grodd taken care of (and that fight is a doozy), Wally gets to find out Hartley’s been arrested for the murder of his own parents, and Hartley confesses on-screen to his parents’ murder (Also Hartley’s got a beard now, that’s how you know he’s depressed.) 179 opens with Hartley being processed. Linda and Wally go to see him, and although Hartley confessed, he said “I think I did.” (emphasis is mine; in the panel Hartley says “I think I did.”) Joker? He’s got some Joker-fied people, and poor Hartley gets it too :( Hartley straight up nearly kills Captain Boomerang (it’s okay, Wally stops him), and surprise! Welcome back to Iron Heights Hartley. Gonna have a fun time :)

(issue 174; this is the least messy part of the panel, but it was intended to be that way)

(issue 175)

(issue 178)

(issue 179)

The Flash: Iron Heights Brief interlude from the main comic line, we’ve got a one-shot that’s taking place in Iron Heights. This takes place before Hartley gets arrested, presumably (since, y’know, they’re breaking in and all). Fun one-shot honestly, keeps me on my toes the whole time. Hartley’s a main character, and it’s less personal drama and very story driven. You don’t need this to enjoy Hartley regardless, but I enjoy it!

(The Flash: Iron Heights, which you can read here.)

The Flash Volume 2 #189, #190 189! Now we find out how Hartley’s parents were actually murdered! No spoilers, but we do get a prison breakout. This is where we get some origin story! Don’t read this first though, because you’re going to be spoiling yourself the plot of his arrest. In 190 we get more origin, including the way DC treated his deafness. (It’s ablest, and I’m still mentally grappling how you wouldn’t notice your child being deaf for two years, but okay Rachel and Osgood, you keep being bad.) The story goes on for now, with Hartley on the run from… well, everyone.

(issue 189)

(issue 190)

This is pretty much it for New Earth Hartley up until Countdown.

I don’t like Countdown at all. I’m much happier pretending that Countdown doesn’t exist (both because of how it treats Hartley for a multitude of reasons, and how Thad Thawne is treated leading up to Countdown). More happens with Hartley’s storyline in Countdown, but I hate it with such a passion that I wouldn’t recommend it at all. Countdown leads into Final Crisis, and I’m not a fan of either. However, should you wish to read and make your own opinions, here’s Countdown and here’s Final Crisis. Please note, Countdown’s issues are done in reverse order (so from issue 51 to 1, rather than 1 to 51)

And now I’m going to tell you the gospel truth:

I do like New 52 Hartley! A lot. Unfortunately, he’s not as much in the n52 Flash run as I would like (but I’m biased, as obvious by my url). What you need to know is that Hartley’s a musician now, like orchestra director, and he’s in a relationship with Barry’s boss, David Singh. (power move, honestly) Unfortunately, we don’t get a whole lot in the main line. Also at this point, the Wally West of New Earth hasn’t transitioned to the n52. Wallace West of n52 is an entirely different character, and that’s a whole other issue for another discussion. Wally West as we know him from New Earth doesn’t come back for a while. Wally and Hartley haven’t talked since before Flashpoint, and that’s a shame.

So read the Crimes of Passion Anthology he’s got please I’m begging you. The only downside is that the artist gave him a haircut.

(Crimes of Passion: Secret Admirer)

I haven’t read anything DCeased related, and while I know Hartley gets his time to shine and kiss David, I can’t tell you much beyond that. I’m pretty sure there’s other people who can tell you more, but it’s not me I’m afraid. (This is me saying guys, please tell me about Hartley in DCeased, someone tell me about my fictional lavender marriage husband.)

#Anonymous #ask #hartley rathaway #pied piper #pied piper dc #dc #(for my own records)#i'm biased and i hope the read more keeps the worst of this off of my followers' dashes #hope this helps!!!!

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anthropwashere · 3 years

Note

thank u for the tags yelling at us youths to sit up straight. im only 23 but disabled and my back is about the only part of me that ISNT fucked up yet, so i will attempt to not destroy my spinal cord in your honor (•̀ᴗ•́)و

Gonna take this as an opportunity to go off on a tangent and emphasize how out of nowhere your health can 180 in ways that will have a lasting impact for the rest of your life, and that this can happen at any moment no matter how careful or healthy you try to be

-I grew up poor enough to not have regular access to medical/dental/etc. for years at a time, avoided serious issues by sheer fucking luck and an extended family that did not sign up to raise another kid but thank christ they stepped up for me.

-managed to stay healthy enough to join the Air Force at 18. this was good news because the alternative was being homeless (again), which gosh got old fast. free medical? fuck yeah, uncle sam! my teeth are a mess and it sure would be nice to have glasses again!

-knees started acting up in BMT. slowly got worse as the years passed. haven't needed surgery yet but they make some wild gristly sounds when I go up stairs these days and anything more than a casual running regimen is immediately vetoed

-deployed when I was 22. wearing body armor was Not Great for my upper back. lost ability to pop anything in my spine from the shoulder blades up, gained some truly unsexy shooting pains in exchange

-several years of severe headaches i ignored because lmao childhood trauma and also not wanting to be seen as weak due to being just about the only enlisted woman in almost every unit/office i worked in.

-marriage imploded at 26 which gosh, did NOT do good things for the mild anxiety/depression i'd been staunchly ignoring for like a decade at that point. i used to think commercials for anti-depressants were like, rude satire. nope. that really is just how shitty a brain can get!

-apropos of FUCKALL I woke up one morning just before I turned 27 with a headache that has varied in intensity and location but has never gone away. latest diagnosis is a type of headache that's so persistent and resistant to treatment that there are known cases of people having this type for 30+ years. i could be one of those unlucky fucks! or it could go away tomorrow! we just don't know!

-spent 2018-2021 making EXTENSIVE USE of that free medical trying to figure out what the hell was going on or to at least find literally anything that will help reduce/control it. I have at this moment within arm's reach something like $2k worth of medical devices I got for free to help with the migraines.

-they don't.

-one time i tried to do a tally of how much I would have had to be pay out of pocket for all the primary care visits, the specialty care visits, the physical therapy, the stupid fucking useless acupuncture, the Botox, the ~16 different medications, the ER visits from bad reactions to medications, etc. etc. etc. if i hadn't been in the AF and I decided to go lay down in a dark room with an ice pack and not think about it instead.

-i did spend thousands out of pocket on a chiropractor, massages, and gas to keep driving to all those fucking appointments.

-during all this the constant migraines wreaked havoc on my neck, jaw, and shoulders, which in turn contributed to a vicious cycle of pain where doing anything beyond boiling myself in a dark shower 1-2 times a day did not only seem more trouble than it was worth, but WAS more trouble than it was worth.

-i was also diagnosed with fibromyalgia at 28. the rheumatology clinic gave me a pamphlet that was less informative than a google search and a politely phrased 'you're young and you still have all your limbs, why are you complaining? go away.'

-fibromyalgia diagnosis was given despite more evidence pointing to Sjogren's syndrome, which is an actual autoimmune disorder that sure, won't kill me, but it WOULD explain why my teeth have only gotten worse despite extremely thorough annual workups. it can cause all sorts of fun organ dysfunctions too. i could also go blind! either way neither is curable and whatever i've got showed up a decade earlier than is typically expected for my demographic!

-it wasn't any of the squillion medical experts i saw but literally just some other woman in my squadron who suggested i put my name on the Airborne Hazards and Open Burn Pit Registry, because she developed all sorts of autoimmune fuckery after her deployment. all of That is still being researched and debated and such, and has been for decades. maybe breathing too much sand and burning garbage gave me brain damage! maybe not!

-also during all this i lost half my hair due to damage caused by using Devacurl products. if you use that brand there are currently multiple lawsuits going on! you or your loved ones may be entitled to compensation, etc.

-anyway i turned 30 this year and a month later the Air Force kicked me out with 90% disability pay, a couple anti-depressant/anxiety prescriptions, and 0 fanfare.

-things could have gone so much worse for me and STILL COULD AT ANY MOMENT. I never considered myself invincible when I was younger but my good fucking gracious chronic pain isn't something i'd wish on anybody. i am terrified of the state my body might be in when i'm 40, never mind when i'm actually old. i am terrified of tomorrow. this is probably the severe anxiety talking.

-at least i've managed to avoid the heart disease rampant in my family? so far????

IN CONCLUSION, TO THE YOUTHS:

sit up straight, do some stretches, go for walkies, eat a vegetable, turn the music down a little, clean linens are the best gift you can give yourself, however much water you typically drink in a day it isn't enough, therapy does actually help, it's okay to be mad sometimes but i'm begging you to find at least one thing to laugh about every day, please take care of yourselves, and most importantly ENJOY your bodies while the going's good. this meat is expiring fast and there are no refunds.

#chronic pain #chronic salt #migraine hell

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kiribakuficrecs · 3 years

Note

hello!!! im going on a very long trip at the end of april and I'm looking for some very long fics to download to keep me entertained! i dont care what they're about as long as there's no major character death or mentions of non-con. ur blog is a godsend ilysm and you do such a good job thank you so much 🙏

hi there!! i definitely have a lot of good lengthy fics i can recommend to you!

quote love unquote by newamsterdam

Sero nods. “It’s the chance of a lifetime, really,” he says. “We want you to date Bakugou, for the sake of his reputation with the press. Some public appearances, a few ‘candid’ photos. For at least a couple of months.”

“Bakugou sent you to ask me to date him?” Kirishima asks, baffled.

“Of course not. We, his people, are asking you to date him. He’s going to have to get on board, if he wants his career to survive. And in the bargain, Riot will get all sorts of publicity, because their lyricist will be dating one of the industry’s hottest stars. A win for everyone.”

When Kirishima Eijirou's band hits the big time, he's not prepared for his newfound fame. He's even less prepared to meet the actor he's been crushing on for years, or to start dating him as a publicity stunt. The closer Kirishima gets to Bakugou Katsuki, the more he realizes he's in over his head. But it's hard to stop, once his heart is in it.

acceptance and denial by poteto

It all goes okay when Kirishima decides to come out to his friends and it all goes wrong when decides that Bakugou is the best fake boyfriend material.

cause the darks not taking prisoners tonight by imatrisarahtops

“Are those soba noodles?” Kirishima asked.

Again Bakugou’s only reply was a grunt. He offered no further explanation—not that Kirishima honestly expected one—as though making soba noodles from scratch at half past four in the morning wasn’t at all a bizarre occurrence and made complete and total sense. For a fleeting moment, Kirishima even wondered if maybe he was the odd one here. Besides, he’d already decided it was generally not in his best interest to question these types of things with Bakugou, especially when it was something essentially harmless.

When Kirishima has a nightmare and is unable to fall back asleep, he accepts defeat and decides to study in the common area of the dorms. What he doesn't expect to find is Bakugou, also very much awake, and Kirishima can't help but think that maybe they're both having the same problems with sleeping. If he's worried, it's just because they're friends. (Right?)

the weight of your hand by kamin

That night, to the citizens, the explosions were a jolt of fear at every blast, but to the heroes and the students of UA, they were punches and swings, fierce fighting and loud strength. The explosions were the pulse of the battle, and the power of a boy that would never back down.

One after another, explosions set a chorus through the shuddering city.

And then, suddenly—the explosions stopped.

(In which Bakugou’s kidnapping goes a little differently, and just a few seconds could change so much.)

so take my hand (your life will be brighter) by multiclassmaps

When a stranger shows up at the ice rink during Bakugou's usually private training sessions, Bakugou expects to hate him. He doesn't expect to develop feelings that become increasingly difficult to deny, or for them to help each other sort through their emotional baggage. - Bakugou really didn't like Kirishima's smile. There was something about it that made his stomach hurt, something about it that made it difficult to focus. He definitely hadn't thought about that smile on his way to the ice rink that day. He definitely hadn't.

distance makes the heart grow fonder (false) by dragontrappedinhumanskin

When Bakugo and Kirishima get hit by a quirk that forces them to literally stick together or face the less then desirable consequences, how the fuck is Bakugo supposed to keep his crush hidden?! Well, turns out he never needed to.

-- “Well, this fucking sucks, how are we supposed to train?!” "Really closely?"

perihelion by tauontauoff

Bakugou was a comet, blazing out of reach. Kirishima knew he was stupidly lucky that his furious trajectory went by close enough that his fingertips got to graze the cowl of fire. It was enough.

During Christmas Class 1A and 1B spend a laid-back week learning about extreme environment hero work in the Alps. Kirishima was used to keeping part of his feelings for Bakugou hidden, and had every intention of keeping it that way, but things don't always go according to plan.

fight me by mr_todoroki

Bright red, spiky hair. Annoyingly bright smile. Clothes that radiate ‘look at me’ vibes. Neon yellow tank top with black shorts. And those were definitely crocs on his fucking feet.

Yeah, Katsuki hated this guy.

Bakugou gets a new roommate.

quietly by chezka

“We’ve been taking the same way to and from school for weeks,” Kirishima grinned, and then when Bakugou frowned at him he put on an affected pout, tilted his head so that he was looking at him through his thick, long lashes, “you never noticed? Am I that easy to miss?”

He could barely finish the sentence before a laugh escaped his lips, and Bakugou rolled his eyes, hit him with a shoulder a little more violently than necessary.

“You stick out like a sore thumb, broom-head,” he grumbled, promptly ignoring Kirishima's whining about his hairstyle when it started coming, “I didn’t notice ‘cause I didn’t care.”

“And now you do?”

everyone knows that cats are independent by purplepersnickety

Eijirou enjoys his job, working the graveyard shift at a 24/7 coffee shop. His daemon Riot is always there to keep him company, and he likes meeting the early-morning patrons and giving them the best possible kick-start to their day. It's been his routine for about a year now.

Then one day, a grouchy guy with a daemon in the form of a lion walks into the shop in the dead of night, and Eijirou decides to strike up a conversation with him.

punks not dead by wrunic

“So you want to use me to piss off your mom?” Kirishima summarized, raising one pierced eyebrow at Katsuki.

“Look, if you want to be all fucking judgy about it, I take cash,” Katsuki said, dropping his hand palm up on the table.

“Hey now,” Kirishima said, raising his hands in surrender, “I didn’t say I wasn’t doing it. I’m always down for a little chaos.” He flashed a grin, showing off his ridiculous shark teeth.

“Good,” Katsuki said. “We start tomorrow."

sent, delivered, read, loved by kiribakuhappiness

Kirishima E. [6.49pm]: ur okay for such an angry dude bakugou! :)

Bakugou K. [7.12pm]: FUCK YOU!

Kirishima E. [7.14pm]: haha! :D ttyl!

Bakugou K. [7.48pm]: FUCKING WHAT DO THOSE DUMB LETTERS MEAN???

Bakugou K. [7.52pm]: I JUST LOOKED IT UP DONT FUCKING TALK TO ME LATER!

Bakugou K. [7.52pm]: STOP TXTING ME!!!

- OR -

Bakugou's and Kirishima's relationship develops from classmates to friends to more, as told through their text conversations.

flicker by mr_todoroki

He was starting to feel depressed. Life was so uninteresting. It was so mundane and forgettable. He had no one to hang out with besides Kota, his family didn’t even live in the city.

He grew his hair out as some sort of rebellion, some sort of stand to make his life the slightest bit more interesting. But he could already feel himself giving in to the pressure of cutting it. He needed to work to live. Without a job, he’d truly have nothing.

Kirishima never applied to UA, therefore never became a hero.

let’s get down to business by kjelfalconer

Katsuki Bakugou, one of the brightest rising stars on wall street, is in need of a new personal assistant. Again. Could Eijirou Kirishima finally be the one to last more than two months?

Katsuki's long suffering HR department sure hope so.

something about us by bigstupidjellyfish

nothing like being in highschool and having no idea how to deal with emotions

fireproof by inkbender

Four years after a classmate nobody seems to remember is kidnapped by the League of Villains, Kirishima drags an amnesiac hobo he found washed up on the beach into his apartment, attempts to teach him how to adult (with varying degrees of success), and discovers along the way that the line between heroism and villainy is quite fine indeed. Plot-divergent after episode 45, the Forest Training Camp arc.

blood riot by magicallee (alternatively)

Kirishima from a universe with no quirks is mind-swapped with an alternate universe version of himself where there are superpowers.

And in that universe he’s a super villain.

And Bakugou is the superhero who caught Evil-Kirishima and put him in prison.

blindside by drowclericpelor

“You’re the first guy friend I’ve had that I can just like, be friends with. You’re either the most unthirstiest boy ever...” Camie shrugged and made another wobbly illusion appear between her hands. It looked like a sparkly rainbow with the word ‘friendship’ beneath it, accompanied by what Bakugou assumed was supposed to be a twinkling sound effect, but it had a tinny quality to it and sounded far away. “...or I just ain’t got the kinda straw you like to ssssip.”

Carefully, Bakugou considered the strange turn this conversation had taken.

He had never been asked, point blank, if he was gay before. And he honestly had never thought about how he would respond. Lying about himself didn’t sit right with him. But he’d always wanted to wait until he was the number one hero - when he stood above everyone else - before coming out. Though he’d had times when he’d thought about doing it before then and had almost gone through with it once. But being the number one hero came first. It wouldn’t matter what people would say about it then as long as he’d risen to the top.

Bakugou knew his lack of a response would give Camie all the answers she needed.

flour power by wingsonghalo

“I’m telling you now, Shitty Hair,” the blonde growled, “I am not gonna play house with you. We will cart this stupid flour around for a week like the assignment says. But some of our idiot classmates are naming the thing and setting up ‘playdates’ and dressing it and I am not doing anything that stupid. Got it?”

Kirishima and Bakugou are paired up to take care of a flour sack for a week. It would be so simple, except nothing with Bakugou is ever simple. Also Kirishima might be kinda sorta completely head over heels for him.

sunchaser by chonideno

that feeling when you suddenly want to jump off a cliff for no reason but instead of a cliff it’s your best friend and instead of jumping it’s growing feelings out of nowhere

or how Bakugou has to try really hard not to throw everything to the wind, and Kirishima doesn't help

i also have a tag specifically for fics that reach somewhere between 30k-70k words long if you wanted to check that out as well! i hope you enjoy the fics here and that i was able to help, ily enjoy your trip!!! :D

#kiribaku fic rec #kiribaku #answered

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thedreamgirljournal · 2 years

Note

hello, my name is t. i have a lot to me and my story, if you want like to know about it, lmk. but im not here to talk about the old story, but how to change from it? i suffer from borderline personality disorder. you can do your research, but to summarize i have really high highs (manic episodes) and really low lows (depressive episodes). so i am extremely prone to spirals and etc. ive been in a toxic manifestation cycle where ive found a new method, failed at it and haven’t gotten results, then i would over-consume and attempt self concept then end up spiralling when i saw people with what i had and realized that my deadline is getting closer and closer (2 weeks) and then search for a new method again. it is so easy to just wallow in your sadness, especially when the media glorifies sadness and makes you jealous of others. ive been in this cycle for 3 years. ive tried to restart my journey by taking breaks and doing things that “i love”, but if you struggle with mental health or know anyone who does, you know it’s not easy to think a certain way or feel a certain way because of your mental illness. i want to restart my journey. not the ways i did before, not by taking a break then noticing that i haven’t manifested my desires and forcing myself to work on self concept or try a new method. i want to unlearn everything and learn what i need and actually do it correctly this time. but i don’t know how to make manifestation not feel like a chore and find a way to do that suits me. here’s the thing, i know basically any answer to any question you could ask me about manifestation and i know how to act on it. but people have different ways they can manifest and what’s subjective to them and i need help finding my way to manifest that isn’t toxic and causes me to spiral and look for a new method. preferably we could dm and you could help me, but replying to my anonymous message is just as efficient. but it gets confusing when you’ve fed yourself so much information from so many different sources, id prefer if you could also recommend a few loa blogs to look at too, so i don’t scroll through 10 million. it sounds contradictory when you’ve consumed so much, but it’s really only because everyone believes and thinks differently. i just want to actually manifest what i want this time and before my deadline. i want to get what i want and not be hindered by my mental health or hinder it even more as a result of failed attempts from every method known to man. how do i reconstruct my mindset and find a routine / way to manifest that fits me even with my mental illness (my parents don’t believe in therapy, so i can’t get treated for it)? especially something to help when i spiral and self sabotage (please let me know if you would like to dm and talk one on one)

hi honey! i’m so sorry you’re struggling with your mental health, and i’m even sadder about your parents not letting you treat it properly with therapy. you should be able to go to therapy; mental illness is just as valid as any other illness. i want you to know this is a safe place and your feelings are 100% valid.

to be honest, i’ve never experienced bpd, so i can only imagine what you’re going through. the best advice i can give you is to take it day by day, step by step, not over stress, always be mindful of your mental health; that is your first concern. don’t ask too much of yourself. take your time and take pride in the many successes i’m sure you’re gonna get. my favorite loa blog is @cinefairy ; you can get a lot of very good advice from there. try to find your “manifestation style” by doing what’s more comfortable for you. again, day by day, without over stressing.

i hope everything works out for you!!! keep me updated. i believe in you and i know you’ll get there. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

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letthefrogsbe · 3 years

Text

remember when I was gonna write that parkner fic?

cool so I've decided I'm gonna, but because I cannot write for SHIT and I hate my writing every time I see it, ill just share my outline of what I have so far. its not coherent. sorry.

Section one: aunt may dies. It’ll be like “it's been 3 months. 3 months since May was shot. 2 months and 3 weeks since she died.”

Something like that idc. Basically this section will base around peter living tony, because he’s not doing well, and he is only 17- which is not actually old enough to be on your own after something like this. Setting is established, with cameos from dr strange (who tony is dating and lives with (yeah bite me, this is my fanfiction i can make it what i want.) it will be made obvious that this takes place after endgame, which also means that tony is Not going to die. I’m not that mean lmao. The avengers are like largely together, there was not as much death in this as there was in endgame. Whatever. Everyone is very nice to peter because they know that for him its either this or him becoming a ward of the state so like.

Section two: harley gets kicked out. His mom finds out that he’s gay (from gossip sources idk) and kicks harley out. Im not going to write them having a big fight like in the moment, but harley will recount what happened somewhat to tony in this section, and then more to peter later in the story. Gay ppl trauma dump, we know this. Okay anywaysss so harley calls tony literally sobbing and like freezing fucking cold. IM SORRY IM BEING SO MEAN TO THEM I PROMISE THEY'LL GET A HAPPY ENDING. Okay. harley explains how his mom kicked him out. Tony asks why, harley says something like “she didn’t agree with my lifestyle choices” like bitterly. Tony is a good person in this (i know, im really taking some character liberties) and he’s in the mood for collecting strays apparently, so he has happy send over the quinjet. He can’t make it himself bc hes in fucking japan or something for the next few weeks,, but. Yeah! Tony also calls peter, who is presumably in bed and feeling depressed. “Hey pete. How ya feeling? Any better?’ ‘Not really, tony. Sorry.’ ‘you don’t have to be sorry-’ ‘damn tony you sound like my therapist.’ “sorry pete, but i do have something to tell you- you know harley?’ ‘only from what you’ve told me about him, but yea. He was the tennessee garage kid, right?’ ‘i mean. Yes. so- he’s gonna come stay with me for a while too- it might not be permanent but it will probably be a bit. He’s about your age, and he just has no where to go (just like u). He’s not going to stay in your room or anything, but with bruce and thor here, he will be in your apartment area.’ ‘okay tony.. Will i have to talk to him a bunch?’ ‘not if you don’t want to- i already warned him about you, so it should be okay. I wouldn’t worry so much pete- you guys are so similar in a lot of ways that i wanted to introduce you two long before he called me.’ ‘okay tony, i trust you. Thank you again for letting me stay with you :)’ (yeah that kind of got away from me)

Section 3: build up. this is a shorter section. Harley and peter are gonna meet in section 4. This section is harley’s jet ride (with an intuitive happy) and harley’s nerves about how he really isn’t worth this (i mean hes pretty intimidated tony sent a private jet just for him) and happy like reassures him. Hes still insecure though. Peter is also nervous bc what if harley doesn’t like him? What if he doesn’t like harley?? Tony did say they would get along, but peter hasn’t really been himself recently, so who knows? Yeah lots of that. I do want to emphasize though- peter is not completely unhealthily coping. Like he has a therapist and he has been reaching out to ned and mj, but its still an open wound for him. Obviously. He still has a sense of humor though, but its to cover these deep insecurities. Like the first month or so that he was with tony, he was reallllyyyy trying to not get close to him bc he sort of thinks he kills everyone around him. Like logically he knows this isn’t true, but he does really think the that non superheroes that he surrounds himself with are very at risk if they know about his spider-man-ness. The only people who know now are ned and mj (may knew too).

Section 4: the meeting of harley and peter. Keep in mind peter has been living in this apartment/area of stark tower for about 3 months now. He actually moved in while may was in the hospital because he couldn’t stand to be alone in the apartment when he knew why may wasn’t there. And um. Yeah. so peter is like comfortable in this space, basically. Also- the reason theyre in the same apartment is because stark tower was not really created with the idea of housing broken orphans in mind, so it only has a certain amount of residential space. Thor and bruce are currently staying there together (although no one really knows if theyre together, or if theyre just best bros who went through some extreme trauma together and are now inseparable. Hmmm wonder if thats gonna come up later) and theyre using one apartment, and happy lives there with his own apartment, and tony and stephen are currently sharing the penthouse, even though thats not public knowledge. Really only the people close to tony know that he’s dating stephen. So. this leaves just the one other 2 bedroom apartment for peter and harley. It has one bathroom, and the bedrooms are connected by a door but theyre pretty big so like. Theres a kitchen, a living room with a fancy ass tv, and a really pretty view (with a balcony bc <333). May died in march, peter got leave from the school in april, and it is now the middle of june btw. Tony is now peter’s official guardian (he was before may died anyways) and now has sole guardianship over him which he has fully accepted, even though peter and him both know that there are going to be times where he has to go out of town bc he does own a company after all. Times like right now. Harley is pretty nervous that tony isn’t going to be there to greet him and that he is going to have to like introduce himself to peter and everything. Cmon, theres no reason to feel like that, he’s the one intruding after all, he should at least be able to handle himself. (<--- harley’s thoughts). Yeah so theyre insecure super cool. A n y w a y s so peter was stressing about harley as he arrived, and so when harley walked in they were both complete bundles of nerves. Harley walks up but knocks. Peter actually jumps (bc spidey sense okay whatever) and goes to get the door. Oh my god these awkward teenagers i hate them so much (i love them). Peter kinda looks like shit, sorry king. He was a little bit crying earlier, then tony called and he switched into stressed out ball-of-anxiety mode. Distractions are good, its okay. Peter opens the door for harley and they like introduce each other all awkward (again sorry) and peter shows harley where he is staying. Harley doesnt really have muchhhh bc he was kicked out and all. He just has a suitcase full of clothes, his favorite blanket, his favorite stuffed animal (yeah whatever bc ofc he does) and his phone/charger. He sets all his stuff down at once. He thanks peter for letting him stay in his apartment and also said sorry. First thing peter noticed was harley’s accent. Stfu. peter asks why harley’s here- ok. Harleys had a long ass day. Too fucking long. He- he breaks down. He tells peter a lot. About how his mom found out that he was gay, and how she told him never to come back. Yikes. Anyways, this is establishing the beginning of their relationship as friends. Peter is there for him even though he doesn’t know him at all. Peter sees some of himself in harley in this moment, even though he’s not talking about himself yet. Eventually harley does ask about peter, and they really just get to know each other really quick. They have these deep scarring individual traumas, and neither has nearly recovered, but they find comfort in just knowing that theyre not alone in their suffering. At least for now. At least in this moment.

Section 5: the next day. Peter and harley spent that whole night talking about what they were going through. Peter said good night at around 5 am (there were no adults around they can do what they want to) and they both got good sleeps. In peter’s case, one of the first solid nights he’s had in a while. Harley was kept up a little longer after peter left, however, because he just couldn’t shut off his mind. It was really cathartic for him to just lay everything out there and for someone to just accept him. Peter told him he was bi, but he was.. Lucky. He had accepting people in his life. May was accepting. God, harley couldn’t fathom having lost everyone in his life, everyone he ever cared about, and still having the heart to sit and talk with the dumbass anxious gay kid who can’t go home anymore. His problems felt so small compared to peter’s, and all he could do was admire peter’s resilience and how he was seemingly able to bounce back from anything. God, peter was something. He couldn’t wait to get to know him more. With that thought circling in his head, he finally went to sleep at oh shit 6:30 am. Peter woke up around 1. Harley at 2. When harley woke up, peter was watching tv and eating cereal on the couch and he just sat down next to him. No words, just sleepy children being sleepy. They stayed like this for like an hour when someone knocked on their door. Enter stephen strange!!!!!!!!!!! Get excited people. Hes just coming in to check on them bc tony told him to, and he didn’t get the chance last night bc he was _busy_. K so now he’s here and hes awkward and he just wants to make sure these boys r okay bc theyve both been through too much recently, and it would be just the cherry on top if they didn’t get along. Him and harley had never actually met before so he like introduced himself and all that. Offered like if they needed anything he was there, and its only gonna be a few days until tony gets back (did i say a week earlier? Im retconning that bc i cannot find it in my writing so it is now retconned). Peter and harley just have to sort of explain to dr strange that theyre getting along gREAT and there is no need for concern….. And peter was even thinking about showing harley around the city a bit that night (something he had not yet told harley, but wanted to make it seem like he was doing well and not acting too depressed in front of Dr. Strange) so dr strange is like yeah !!!!!! do that, that sounds super fun petey !!!!!! and so now they have evening plans

ok ps I wrote this like 2 weeks ago and completely forgot I posted something on Tumblr about this fic idea, and so this is literally just how I talk to myself. was not gonna ever post this but then I decided to because I'm bored. there are more sections but I'm not gonna post them rn because this post is really fucking long already!!!!

#hope this is marketable??#sort of just wanted to share my 4 am writing tbh #it doesn't make sense just go w it #parkner #peter parker #harley keener

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wisteria-lodge · 3 years

Text

lion primary + slightly burnt lion secondary (badger secondary model) (bird secondary model)

i hope you’re having an amazing day!! here’s my SHC dilemma:

i know my primary is lion, and it feels a little exploded, at that, but at least i know what’s up. but im still extremely confused about my secondary. i tried looking through other submissions, but i didn’t really find anything i vibed with 100%, but then again i have adhd and im really struggling going through all that text, it just kinda blurs together at some point

so, my secondary. taking the test, i always get burnt, often with a vague hint towards bird. at first i immediately adopted that and decided i was a burnt bird, but the more i go the less that feels right to me and i think it might be some sort of model.

Yeah. “doesn’t feel right.” Definitely see the Lion in your sorting.

working by elimination, im pretty certain im not a snake secondary. that ish doesn’t even sound real to me, i know there are people like this because i know a couple, but it’s just so weird to me that some people are just able to improvise so effectively, and seemingly change themselves like that, and they?? enjoy it?? it does sound dope, like i admire it, but wtf.

Lion secondaries can get very *does not compute* when trying to get their head around Snake secondaries. I’m considering Lion for you.

i do act differently in different situations or with different people, but i don’t think i have “personas” as much as degrees of awkwardness

I see the burnt secondary. You’re definitely talking yourself down here. But the way you talk about “degrees of awkwardness” does make me think about the way Lion secondaries “change faces” by modulating intensity.

depending on how much my anxiety is acting up, and the more anxious i am, the more i act like a doormat and revert to the proper manners i was taught, but like… that’s not me, and it’s not done on purpose, i don’t enjoy it.

Looks like somebody’s got an unhealthy Badger secondary model.

it feels gross not to be able to act like myself, whatever the hell that is.

And you didn’t vibe with the Lion descriptions? This is the first time I’m reading though this and… very interested to get to the part where you talk about why you think you’re not a Lion.

im also convinced im not a bagder - my mother is, and there are a lot of those in my community, so i was raised thinking that was the best way to be, an ideal to work towards, but it’s just not comfortable for me, i don’t wanna do it.

Yeah, this would that unhealthy Badger secondary model you were talking about. ^

i don’t even think i *can* do it. i mean, “showing up and doing the work” is pretty hard with adhd, and not even the most efficient way of getting stuff done (at least for me), and thinking of the group and what i can do in that group is annoying. also i get that asking for help is important sometimes but it still feels like that’s just admitting i can’t figure out how to do it myself, which, yikes (don’t come at me i know it’s unhealthy)

Hey, breathe. It’s okay. Nobody is going to make you be a Badger secondary. Clearly you’ve spent enough time struggling under the weight of a model that doesn’t suit you, and now you’re pushing back against everything Badger extra hard.

id rather find a group im a good fit for instead of molding myself to please others.

See, that’s an exaggerated, caricatured way of conceptualizing how a Badger secondary works… but I’m not surprised that you think about it that way.

whatever i do, it needs to come from me.

… you’ve got a very loud Lion secondary.

anyway im somewhere between lion and bird, and at first i thought i was a bird because i do in fact fricking love learning everything i can, i wouldn’t naturally call it “collecting”, i’m just doing whatever’s interesting in the moment

You mean you learn by improvising? :) Like a Lion? :)

but sure, why not - i like collecting languages, knowledge about different cultures, books, music, space, countries, medicine, anything and everything, and i sometimes spend hours researching random stuff that im never actually gonna use “just in case im stranded in the wilderness and need to make soap” you feel? but it’s not actually because i think it might be useful (though i do get random bouts of anxiety over not knowing how to do certain stuff “in case” even though the probability id need them is infinitesimal).

Loving knowledge does not make you a Bird secondary. I’m hearing you talk about about a thing you do for fun, and - this is key - a thing you use as a mechanism to cope with anxiety. ADHD can sometimes make you feel very scattered, going too fast, and your Bird is giving you [the illusion of] control. And I’m not going to knock that. The illusion of control is important.

i just like knowing things and being able to use those things to do stuff. i wanna be “that guy” you can come to with the most obscure problem and they’d have some way of dealing with it. doesn’t that sound pretty bird?

Okay. Here’s the deal. You like Bird secondaries. You think they’re cool, and badass. Maybe you’d like to be one. But I’m still not at all convinced you are. I haven’t heard you use it to solve problems.

but i can’t actually do that stuff. i think i used to, when i was a teenager? but depression and undiagnosed adhd kinda kicked my ass, among a few other things, and now i don’t really have the brain power for it and i feel like im not actually able to learn things as well, or to even think straight.

Wow. That is some burnt secondary talk. I can’t do things.

(I promise you, people with ADHD have absurd brain power, and can learn things crazy well, although not in the same way as neurotypicals. You are right about not thinking straight, which I am interpreting as “in a straight line.” ADHD people think in webs and corkscrews and I love it.)

or if i did, i can’t learn as *many* things as i need to feel accomplished? which idk what you think but it kinda just sounds like burnt bird to me.

Feeling like the secondary you have isn’t good enough can be a Burnt thing... but feeling like you need to manifest a specific secondary *more* (which is what this feels like) is usually a sign of a model.

but here’s the thing. all of those sound real nice. and cool. and a good way of doing things, maybe even the “right” way, even though i know that’s subjective. but lion just feels more comfy, and idk if that’s because im a burnt bird modeling lion or if it’s smth else.

… you mean… like being… a Lion?

cause the “collecting skills and knowledge to solve problems” thing sounds cool, but it’s actually more just the first part that i vibe with? the part where i get to learn stuff! but when actually solving problems, i don’t usually think too long, i just vibe. i see where my instinct is taking me and i apply reason *after* that, or like, as a secondary, support thing. im not a dumbass either, im good at puzzles and logic problems, i can totally think things through and use my skills! but that’s not really how i approach problem-solving. i just jump into the situation and see what part of it is closest and start there, or what’s convenient, or what just feels right or nicer or whatever.

This is a perfect description of a Lion secondary with a supportive Bird model. Like a LOT of neurodivergent people (hi!) you built yourself some scaffolding using the Bird toolbox.

and on one hand it could be that im not confident in my skillset enough to do things the bird way, but on the other hand, thinking back to my childhood and teenage years, when i had better executive skills and i wasn’t as completely scatterbrained as i am I now (i was, but not as bad in some ways), i still did this? like, all of my major life decisions where made on the spot based on instinct and nothing else

I’m definitely seeing the Lion primary come though as well.

whenever i have a problem of the interpersonal sort i just face it and talk to the person and don’t bother hiding or sugarcoating things even if it means hurting that person because i don’t want to lie or come off as something i’m not, when i need to work on a project i don’t bother planning, i just jump in and a strategy forms in an organic way as i go, you know what i mean? isn’t that what this “charging” business means?

Yes.

anyway i have no idea which one is a model and which one is actually mine. i love learning things but i don’t care about actually using them. i mean i like it, of course, but it’s whatever. planning is tedious and it kinda gives me validation because im meant to be “smart” and i guess planning is what smart people do, but it’s annoying and nothing ever goes exactly to plan anyway so you just have to pause and plan again or whatever, and that’s just so boring and frustrating??

I get that you like Bird secondaries, and I get that the picture of “smart person” in your head looks like a Bird secondary but just like… come on…

why not just do the damn thing?? and then what you have to do will be obvious anyway?? and sure, if you planned ahead, maybe you’d already know what you need to do and you’d have prepared it and you’d do it better, but who’s got the time for that?? i can’t use my brain like that! i need to live the thing before it actually feels real enough for me to think about solving it.

I have never read anything more Lion secondary in my entire goddamn life.

i hope this actually made sense and i gave enough relevant information, my head kinda feels jumbled right now. i mean it makes sense to me but i don’t know how this reads from an outside perspective. maybe i should have planned this like an essay or whatever lmao

thanks a lot for answering these & running this blog!!! it’s dope and you give really good insights and you’re just a super cool person!

<3 <3 <3

#LION SECONDARY #badger secondary model #bird secondary model #lion primary #sortme #sortinghatchats #wisteria sorts #submission

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mrs-nate-humphrey · 3 years

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i hope this isn't weird but I've decided I like how you interact with this show (not something I can say for a lot of fans) and now I wanna hear what you have to say about Eric and Jenny's friendship. I have this image in my head of the two of them dying her hair pink in a VDW bathroom (Lily thinks they should've gone to a salon but that's no fun). feel free to talk for literally forever I'm actually obsessed with them ~ily

not weird at all! that's really sweet of you to say, actually. whenever i get qns like this, often the first place my mind goes to is fic, so if that's not something you were looking for, feel free to ignore the next 2 paragraphs, lmao.

a lot of my jenny and eric feels are in these fics that i've written: "a remedy for bland sweet potatoes" (sort of like, a fix it but it doesn't fix anything - it's canon compliant and jenny & eric discuss some of the things jenny's done), as well as "the lights that stop me (turn to stone)" which is a post-canon blair/jenny fix-it in some ways, but is also a character study of jenny as a whole & there's a lot of j&e feels in there (jenny and eric are housemates! they look out for each other and defuse derena tension together LKHFKLDHG).

other fics that highlight some great jenny and eric feels (both of these are kinda sad KLHDFKLH) are "withdrawal symptoms" by lunasol28 and and "fell from grace (it left me in this place)" by @vanderwoodlings .

now i’m actually gonna answer your question........ putting it under a read more, ‘cause it got long!

anyway, to answer your question as much as possible - i have a lot of feelings and i'm not sure how best i can do them justice - i have so much to say about jenny & eric. @mysteriesofloves said this thing once about how jenny and eric's friendship sort of parallels blairena friendship, in the sense of like - you love this person so much and no matter how much you hurt each other, you find your way back together, and i think that's extremely true of them both. in a lot of ways, i feel like jenny and eric are each other's most important person - best friend, support system, family, all of that. unlike dan and serena, when jenny & eric find out about rufus and lily they're actually excited to be step siblings which i find incredibly cute.

there's also - i love the fact that during their first meeting eric tells jenny pretty much everything about how he's in the ostroff centre and why he's there, and jenny doesn't judge him or treat him any differently - instead, she shows up at his room later with board games, just to spend time with him. we see things like this at various points, i feel, where jenny & eric's lives are sort of unstable or at a low point in some way and they're both able to just be there for each other without having to do any sort of grand gesture.

there's also definitely, uh... while i see the blairena friendship parallels, i'd make my own danessa friendship parallels. much like dan and vanessa, jenny and eric are incredibly lonely, and also, deeply different. they're not like their peers at st judes/constance! they struggle to make friends, and they have to navigate that. in a lot of ways, the only real friend either of them has is each other, despite the fact that there are instances when they've let each other down or hurt each other.

@nocakesformissedith made a post that i don't have the spoons to find right now - one of her jenny masterposts - that's basically an image of eric and jenny and it's like, "don't ask gay people how we know each other- we know each other from being gay". and i feel like eric and jenny absolutely and totally had that specific intimacy of like. being queer and knowing you're queer and having sat with it for a long fucking time, in high school, when nobody else around you really gets it. to me, my lesbian jenny headcanon explains a lot of the jenny & eric closeness - it's like, when you're young and gay, your One Gay Friend feels like the ONLY person who understands you.... sort of because they are! navigating any form of queerness in high school is terrible, and i'm just glad that they had each other when they did have each other.

it’s so notable to me that like - even though j&e spent so much of s3 at odds/fighting, when jenny’s gone in s4, eric goes through a major downward spiral, with the whole damien thing and everything else. jenny was his anchor! she was the one person who made him feel a little less fucked up about everything, and a little less lonely. and as for jenny with eric - i feel like jenny’s really comfortable and open around eric, and unlike with other people, for the most part, doesn’t try to be someone else around him. part of why eric feels so alienated by jenny’s behaviour in s3 - other than the fact that she was mean to him and jonathan - i feel is just that the way she was behaving with him was fake, and whoever else jenny was fake around, she’d never been like that with eric before. this is more like my interpretation, though, it’s not necessarily stated by canon or anything.

anyway this got depressing!! i do have fun jenny and eric feelings, i promise. i bet they listen to music together and when they’re studying together, they draw in each other’s textbooks. they probably wasted time doing online quizzes together, and there’s definitely a trash tv show that is Their Garbage Show (probably much to dan and serena’s bemused annoyance in the sense of like ‘do you HAVE to quote that again?’). jenny and eric dyeing jenny’s hair together sounds like something they’d do!! (incidentally, in a script of the pilot that didn’t make it, eric had BLUE HAIR. it could’ve been canon and i am so sad that it was not!!! we came so close to getting it. blue haired little eric lives in my head rent free.)

i think jenny and eric’s friendship is so special because it is SO normal, and literally nothing else in their lives is normal (im pretty sure i said this in some way/ form earlier) - in the sense of like. family issues. kids at school being mean. their own mental health being challenging. their lives are so complicated and heavy, both of them often end up needing to be more mature / adult than they actually are (lily comments during e’s 18th that eric has always been so “serious”, and i always think of how JENNY went to hudson and brought alison back because rufus & alison couldn’t resolve their marriage without their 14 year old daughter’s intervention, apparently). so yeah i do think they’d do all those bestie things - like, sleepovers, friendship bracelets, buying matching clothes together, sending each other pictures of things like “should i buy this” - wrong generation, but if they were gen z kids they’d definitely have the biggest snapchat streak ongoing, and not in a performative way - they would genuinely talk to each other THAT much.

also, for your consideration: imagine jenny and eric baking together!!! i think they’d be really serious about it, and they’d also have so much fun.

#anon #jenny humphrey #eric van der woodsen #meta #i guess?#i hope this is a sufficient answer! i have so many feelings abt them #but they're hard to write about LKHFLKHG #fic rec

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sailorvinus · 3 years

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Hiya! I've been wanting to send you tell you all of this via ask for a while--- I just didn't know how to word all of this up especially while in this depressed state ( hopefully you'll recognize me by... *gestures vaguely* but anyway! ), though seeing the portrayal post, I decided to just Take A Moment To Think over this and okay: So, Virote is honest to above one of my biggest comfort characters, one of my favourite original characters not on this hellsite or any forums I roleplayed on or fanfics I read--- just Ever, period. Whenever I learn something new about Vi, either through your posts or replies to the prompts or our dms, it always bring me a big smile and laughter! Vi is such a wonderful and fascinating and delightful character, and you and him have definitely make my roleplay experiences on this site infinite times more fun and colourful!

I just adore everything about Vi. I love how extremely fun and creative Vi is! So many of his replies were truly out of this world, it's amazing! He got the sparks and sparkles, and aren't afraid to throw them around! I love how he doesn't let anyone underestimate them and does not hesitate to smack them right into official music videos and tear their spines off to use them as jumping ropes snfkNSKFN and I just love how incredibly supportive and wise he is with children and those who would face their problems everyday. There's always so much to learn and see about him and I love love love it so much.

You know, every time I would see mentions ooc or ic of Vi's terrible experience with That Guy who got him into the mental hospital and a whole other things with his mental health, my heart deeply aches for him. Though Vi is such a powerful individual who's just trying to get through his days doing his jobs and hobbies and being with friends or partners despite all of the hot mess, and I don't know, I just find it very admirable and I respect him a whole lot. I always love reading Vi's advices and supports to other muses; they in some way comfort me, and truly, I just wish only the best for him. He's amazing and deserves only the best.

In summary: I adore Vi so much and I will always love and appreciate whatever you do with him. I get this may sound silly when you're just on here to vibe, but he does mean a lot to me and I'm always beyond grateful to have followed you to have my dash and especially life be a bit more brighter by your and Vi's presences. Just! Thank you for taking the time and energy to share anything with Vi on this hellsite. You and him definitely make it a bit more tolerable to handle and you two will always have my love and support! <3

LEMME SETTLE IN AND ANSWER THIS REAL SWEET MESSAGE WTF

first off im pretty sure i kno who this is.... i luv u tf thank u!!! second omg ur comfort character :( thats... this trainwreck??? who woulda thought huh..... esp since hes

you know

Himself™.

anyway yeah hes just... some guy! alien royalty aside he really is just some guy and hes not gonna pretend to be anything else. and he has his fair share of trauma... victories... losses... he takes the good, he takes the both, he takes em both and now u have the facts of life!! and as much as it pains me to see him get flattened down to like 1 or 2 traits sometimes, i at least kno in my heart of hearts that he has so much going on. so much he cant and wont talk about with just anyone.... like u rly gotta make him open up.

the downside to that is yeah. he sometimes might get flattened down to a couple of traits that don’t even make up his core personality. vis capable of being full of love for the world, but also capable of being horribly cruel to those that deserve it!! and yeah his temper is shown more because thats mostly what’s brought out of him. i do love when he gets to be tender....... im sure uve seen it too....

:””) so thank u so much for having you know....... a good grasp on who he is and what he struggles with. really its just him, his career, his seventy-five-thousand mental illnesses, and ambition.....

hes just some guy.

virote is really just some guy. just that guy that dresses way too well, somehow sitting outsid a gas station eating a hot dog, smoking a joint, and reading over emails from event coordinators hes working with or some shit ;lkfmdgfjkd.

and for all his messiness, he really is brilliant. highly intelligent. but he’s not gonna flaunt it.... that just seems like a waste and for him people who are truly smart dont gotta shove it in everyones faces. so yeah! hes here to act a clown, enjoy life, get over pain, and maybe punch a person or fifteen thru the journey ya never kno :))) hes just someone livin life

and i think thats pretty dope...................... so thanks i luv this so much tf....... very glad to see ppl actually remember facts about him like his previous relationship and how badly it hurt him and all that stuff........ makes my heart aflutter!!!!

#( 🌙 KEEPSAKE! MOON HEALING ESCALATION. ✨ )#/ i am SO sry this is scattered i took my sleepy meds and theyre dragging me to HELL!!!

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genderbinaryisforlosers · 3 years

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everyone on the carte blanche for the ask meme

everyone? oh boy this is gonna get long ajfhdsf

JUNO

First impression: i, like a lot of people who get into the podcast without knowing a great deal about it, was expecting at most an ambiguously bisexual angst machine with a closely-guarded heart of gold. juno being an explicitly bisexual genderqueer angst machine is perhaps the most pleasant surprise of my life. the angst machine heart of gold characters were kind of my type at the time, so i loved him right away

Impression now: every time i think about juno’s arc from depressed mess held together by bad coping mechanisms, safety pins, and a few good strong puns into someone who can talk about his feelings, feel comfortable about being happy, and recognise when he needs to change, i want to cry about it a little bit. the depth of my love for juno steel has only grown along with him

Favourite moment: juno has a lot of great one-liners and i’m still a big fan of the “on the other hand i wasn’t wearing a watch” bit and who can forget such classics as juno finally deciding to stop moping over nureyev and move on only for him to open the door to his apartment and find nureyev sitting in the dark dramatically, but honestly nothing will ever hit me harder than his sudden, pissed-off declaration of “i can’t die yet, i still have shit to do!” in promised land. god.

Idea for a story: oh i have so many and i want to write most of them so no spoilers, but juno accidentally kidnaps a baby during a carte blanche heist and shenanigans ensue

Unpopular opinion: obviously we all know he’s dummy thicc but i feel like a lot of people forget he’s an actual genius, like the stuff he notices and how he strings it together is sometimes so obscure and he’s almost always right. oh, also juno is not skinny and i will not be taking criticism on that

Favourite relationship: this is so tough because every dynamic is so good, but i think it has to be juno and rita. those two are so good! the best best friends in the world!! i’m really a sucker for any dynamic that’s ridiculously in-sync so i loved these two as soon as juno saw rita’s notes in prince of mars and went “makes perfect sense to me” (which it probably didn’t, because rita, but he trusted that she knew what she was doing which is the important part)

Favourite headcanon: this isn’t really a headcanon but i still think about how juno is (was?) deathly afraid of heights but when he heard rex glass coming he still attempted to climb out of the window. either his aversion to working with dark matters/other people in general was so strong is overrided his fear, or his office was actually on the ground floor. not sure which of these is funnier.

NUREYEV

First impression: we’ve all seen the memes about nureyev knowing juno steel for one (1) day and deciding to Risk It All by leaving him with his name, look at this Hopeless Romantic, this utter DISASTER of a homosexual. the fact the very next time we hear from nureyev (at least directly) he’s patiently waiting in juno’s dark apartment to surprise him with a heist definitely supports this image.

Impression now: even after literally being inside peter’s head, i feel like we didn’t get a real sense of who he is until man in glass, where we find out he aggressively compartmentalises everything that causes him stress. he’s also distinctly someone who’s had his heart broken before, i think, which makes those first appearances of his very strange. but it does remind me of what juno says about diamond, and how he decided to provide the trust first and wait for the trustworthiness to grow in (only to get severely hurt), and i think that’s exactly what nureyev did. i am also... very uneasy with how suspicious he’s behaving this season because obviously i want to believe he’ll sort it all out and not betray the crew but... oof

Favourite moment: the beginning of what lies beyond pt1 where he’s affectionately bullying juno into taking care of himself? cleared my crops watered my skin etc etc etc

Idea for a story: i’d love to hear more about his past as a young thief idolising buddy and vespa (i can’t actually remember if that’s canon or fanon but anyway i wanna read it!)

Unpopular opinion: i think people often cling to an image of him that more resembles his first impressions in season 1 instead of seeing the depth that we’ve been given about his character in season 3

Favourite relationship: him and juno but honestly it’s a close call between them and his budding friendship with rita. even though she learned it by accident, his name is still a point of intimacy and it’s one less secret to keep around her which has to be a weight off his shoulders, at least a little? they seem like they could be really good friends once ultrabots is out of the way. juno steel love (and also bullying) zone activates whenever they’re together

Favourite headcanon: i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again - nureyev has never done a household chore in his goddamn life. he doesn’t know the water needs to be hot when you wash dishes.

RITA

First impression: honestly i’m not sure? i don’t remember having a big awareness of her in murderous mask but i remember loving her “note-taking” in prince of mars, i thought she sounded really fun and cute

Impression now: rita is really fun and cute, she’s also an extremely hardworking and dedicated woman who had the guts to throw in with a detective fired from the force and then invest all of her time and money into helping him help people.

Favourite moment: Rita Gets A Knife. enough said

Idea for a story: i don’t know honestly! i really struggle to write rita because her thought processes are so wild and i don’t think any story i could come up with would match mega ultrabots of cyberjustice.

Unpopular opinion: this shouldn’t be unpopular because juno steel himself shares this opinion but all future-jupeter headcanons are incomplete without rita also being a huge part of their lives

Favourite relationship: rita + franny 4ever obviously.. jk it’s juno & rita have you heard rita minute 3 they’re too adorable for this world. im still Soft over their conversation at the end of soul of the people when he said he couldn’t stay in hyperion anymore but he wouldn’t leave with the carte blanche if rita wasn’t coming because he was done leaving her behind, and she threw out all her hesitations on the spot and said call the big guy. speaking of, rita & jet are a close second. instant best friends i love them.

Favourite headcanon: i think this is basically canon now but rita being literally half the height of jet is so good

JET

First impression: “haha lorge funny man puts juno in the trash”

Impression now: jet sikuliaq is one of the dearest characters to me out of anything ever. he is a huge, menacing, polite, kind, sincere man who i would very much like to give me a hug. he’s the best aro ace in outer space and while being generally very levelheaded and straightforward, also takes every opportunity to fuck with juno because it’s very easy and very hilarious to him personally. he is everything my autistic acearo ass needed and i’m so glad to have him

Favourite moment: all of them every single one. him putting juno in the trash is of course a classic and every moment jet chooses to be funny makes my heart happy, but also every piece of genuine advice he gives. i’m a particular fan though of buddy recounting her years in the lighthouse and him saying he became concerned when she didn’t come downstairs at the usual time. “you took the door off its hinges.” “i was deeply concerned.” king of understatement

Idea for a story: again no spoilers for you but..... tools of rust time loop au

Unpopular opinion: this isn’t “unpopular” as much as it is unknown but jet is buddy’s queerplatonic partner and i will keep saying it until everyone believes it

Favourite relationship: jet and buddy,,, just everything about them. the way he suspects when she’s lying, the way she makes tea for him when she expects him to drop by. the fact he comes to check on her when she is 41 seconds late to the family meeting because it’s unlike her to be late and the last time she was late for something her brain was turning to radiation soup. but most especially the way she snaps at him to stay out of her business and he said he could not because he made her promise eight years ago to never stay out of the business of her health, no matter how many times she asked. they r literally in a qpr

Favourite headcanon: i don’t think this is true but i still think it would be funny if the ruby-7 used to be painted red but when jet got it he had it painted green because he Just Really Likes Green (as evidenced by his hovercycle). it’s very funny to me.

BUDDY

First impression: it’s been a minute since i relistened to time gone by but i’m pretty sure the first thing she ever says in the podcast is sliding up to depressed accidental whiskey thief juno and say “that’ll be ten million creds,” scaring the shit out of him, so needless to say i was in love instantly.

Impression now: my love for buddy aurinko has only grown and if it sounds like i already said that in this post it’s because i did about juno and it’s appropriate because the parallels are astounding. the heart of it all gave us such depth to buddy’s internal monologue and why she always sounds like she knows exactly what to say and what that’s like and honestly will i ever be over the heart of it all as an episode? unlikely. i think i’m gonna have a little piece of it in MY heart forever.

Favourite moment: everything she’s ever said is iconic as hell i especially like “in an impressive fit of hubris i’ve decided not to prepare my words for this vow” which made me laugh out loud but once again i must give it up for her iconic “I WANT TO LIVE” moment. honourable mentions to her taking rita out for ice cream and giving juno shooting lessons while she’s in her actual wedding gown. i love her

Idea for a story: buddy and vespa as sun/moon dieties.... that’s all

Unpopular opinion: stop drawing her with a fancy high-tech eye like the theia!! it canonically looks like garbage and it’s described in detail, please, i’m dying, also don’t minimise her scars you bastards

Favourite relationship: buddy and vespa invented romantic love and the entire carte blanche crew’s relationship to her is great but you know by now i’m a slut for buddy & jet out-of-this-world queerplatonic partners. the way she checks in on him during tools of rust to make sure he’s not relapsing and he comes to find her when she is 41 seconds late in the heart of it all to make sure she’s not having a heart problem!! it’s the trust,, the devotion,, the mortifying ordeal of being known

Favourite headcanon: she can sing. absolutely tears it up at karaoke. i’m right

VESPA

First impression: knife lesbian goes STAB. she will heal your wounds but she will be threatening to give you more the whole time

Impression now: she is extremely strong, heart-rendingly tender, and despite being in the older half of the carte blanche crew somehow has unmistakable little sister energy which makes her downright hilarious. i’m so glad she got to marry buddy and they’re official space wives now they’re so good for each other

Favourite moment: both from shadows in the ship, either “GUN!!” “KNIFE?!” (iconic) or when she clocks the dark matters drone pretending to be juno because it called her crazy and juno wouldn’t call her crazy. i’m always a sucker for “shapeshifter fails to fool mark because they Know Each Other Too Well” and it was just *chefs kiss* so good

Idea for a story: i really want to write something about when she was first staying at the lighthouse with buddy post-reunion, and getting to know jet and stuff. i think it would be cute

Unpopular opinion: i know vespa doesn’t canonically have lots of scarring but people who don’t draw her with scarring? cowards.

Favourite relationship: once again, although buddy and vespa invented romantic love, i just love the dynamic between vespa and juno so much. they’ve come so far with each other and their weird sibling dynamic gives me life. at the end of what lies beyond when juno says “we’re not gonna kill her, vespa” and instead of sounding full of Rage and Suspicion she’s like “whyyy notttt?” and he’s like “because i said so!” and that’s just good enough for her even if she’s a bit grumpy about it. i love it.

this took.. a hot minute to do! jshkfjsdgsa thank you dyl ily <3

#michaelburnnham #riley replies #be gay do crimes in space #the penumbra #juniverse

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simptasia · 4 years

Text

neurodivergence in abc’s lost

i’m gonna be listing off and talking about the canon neurodivergent characters in lost. i won’t be adding characters that i personally headcanon as neurodivergent in some way, what i’m writing here is elaboration upon what has been given to me by the show. please note that none of these people’s conditions or disorders were named in the show, so such diagnoses being named here are me taking that extra step based upon their symptoms

first of all i wanna point out that based on what i’ve seen the show, that the island’s healing powers applies to conditions inflicted upon the mind, not ones inherent to the mind. thats why daniel’s brain damage heals, but people like hurley and locke will always continue to have depression

hugo “hurley” reyes

schizophrenia and depression

our most prominently featured mentally ill character. it might seem bold to label him with schizophrenia when it’s never said that that’s what he has. but during his time on lost, he displays many of the symptoms: paranoia, pathological self loathing, delusions and hallucinations. now, it’s a fictionalized depiction of schizophrenia and that’s probably not even what the writers had in mind but it’s none the less a really, really good and respectful portrayal of it

it would take too long to list off all the times when hurley displays paranoia (heck, it’s easy not to notice how much its a part of his character) and self loathing. delusions? the situations regarding the numbers and his bad luck (canon never ever Proves what hurley believes to be true regarding that stuff)

they did an episode dedicated to hurley having hallucinations. a man named dave who drives him to self destructive behaviour, self hatred and attempted suicide. fun fact: when people with schizophrenia in real life have hallucinations, they tend towards just auditory. hurley gets visual as well as per Rule Of Drama. this is not a bad thing, just a narrative tool

(steering slightly into headcanon for a bit here but i personally ignore the dharma made Hurley Bird they revealed in the epilogue and just take hurley hearing that bird say his name as an auditory hallucination. for two reasons: one, hurley hearing/seeing things that don’t exist is already consistent with his mental state. and two, that bird literally, genuinely did not fucking say hurley)

extra notes

to be clear, in case there's confusion, hurley really does have magical powers. he can talk to dead people. that isn’t a delusion or hallucination. you can understand how confusing and distressing this must be for hurley

he's had a compulsive eating disorder since he was ten due to the pain of his father abandoning him. his struggle with this is well documented

at several points during the show he’s shown to have trouble spelling. he especially confuses his “y(s)” and “ies”. it’s not clear if this is due to poor education or a learning issue. or both, really. it’s safe to assume with him being poor, mexican and mentally ill, that school wasn’t easy for hurley

hurley has unjustifiably lived at mental health institutions on at least two occasions (the first time was against his will, second was volunteer)

john locke

depression

locke suffers from severe self esteem issues, and i know most lost characters do, but i mean to the point of irrational and destructive behaviour. he has an obsession with being deemed special in order to justify his existence. he also suffers jarring mood swings. (he can switch from calm and jovial to angry and defensive at the drop of a hat). when he was wheelchair bound, this threw him into a depression. when he failed to convince anybody to come back to the island, he attempted suicide. he would have gone thru with it too. he will go to extremes to make sure things stay the way he wants them to (killing an innocent woman so they can stay on the island, tying up and drugging boone so he won’t tell anybody about the hatch), and will fall into despair if he fails

also note that the things im saying about locke are not a comment on people with depression. i don’t think all depressed people kill and drug people. those were statements on locke’s character that i believe are a part of his mental state. my point is: he’s emotionally unstable and he tried to kill himself. and i think his extreme need for validation (from people and the universe in general) is especially concerning

to me, this all says to me that locke has clinical depression

locke isn’t as easy as the other people on this list to classify as Canon Neurodivergent but at least to me, i think it’s very obvious. like i feel bad being so vague but like, basically, watch any locke episode

daniel faraday

acquired brain damage, severe memory degradation as well as other neurodivergent behaviours (i’ll go into it)

he’s played by jeremy davies. enough said

okay, jokes aside. at some point in the past daniel and his assistant theresa were involved in some vaguely referred to time based experiments. while she was catatonicized, the accident left daniel severely brain damaged (also daniel spent years doing radioactive experiments without head protection, which would not have helped and indeed that is foreshadowing of this whole debacle)

apparently this left him in a state where he can no longer take care of himself, having been assigned a carer. his most outstanding symptom is that his ability to process short AND long term memory has been impaired

short term: he’s shown to have issues retaining memories from day to day. he wasn’t sure if he had met charles widmore already (he hadn’t). charles lays some exposition on him and when daniel asks why he’s telling him this, charles says, with sureness, that “because by tomorrow you won’t remember this”. counting on that to be an absolute fact seems silly to me but that does seem to the case. again, Rule Of Drama is in play here

long term: he can no longer access memories he formed many years ago, famously the memories he formed with desmond in 1996. all in all, this condition is highly plot convenient. can’t argue with results, really

no, i can keep going, i got more, this is daniel fucking faraday we’re talking about: his ability to remember 3 playing cards has been impaired (note that this is a skill most 4 year olds master), he forgot the secret code the science team were all taught and when he introduces himself to jack there is a long pause, in hindsight implying that daniel forgot his own name

like real life memory conditions, theres varying level to how much he does and doesn’t remember. he’s thankfully not in a 50 first dates situation and doesn’t forget everything day to day. clearly he remembers people if they’re around enough, like during his time on the boat. charlotte, miles, frank, naomi...

upon landing on the island, his memory slowly gets better (considering his condition beforehand, the fact that nobody comments on this is staggering)

when dan is fully healed? i could not say, i could theorize, but such things are nebulous. but still, the times we see dan without his brain damage, he still behaves like a neurodivergent person. just not like he was when he was brain damaged. he stims near constantly, has a tendency to repeat names and words (echolalia) and it’s shown that dan compulsively counts in his head. he counted up to 864 beats, if i remember correctly, which is about 10 minutes of counting in his head. by no stretch of the imagination is that neurotypical behaviour

(im not trying to sound defensive. and i don’t think anybody, anywhere, is arguing that daniel faraday is a neurotypical. unfathomable)

going into headcanon territory again, his ND traits, when not brain damaged, say to me that he’s autistic and/or has OCD and possibly anxiety. thats all theorizing on my part tho. but the fact of the matter is, damage or no, he’s neurodivergent

notes

his apparent need for tactile sensory input is legendary in the lost fandom. in layman’s terms: him pet pet. not just people but objects too. humans, overall, tend to touch things to process input better. many ND people do it more, and it seems daniel is a case of that (i am not making a solid statement on jeremy davies’ neuro state. that’s his business)

he shows an inability to properly process grief

he also shows shocking indifference to his own safety, resulting in reckless behaviour. how much of this is a result of his mental state or his upbringing is up for debate. i think it’s a combo of both

without his brain damage, he appears to have an eidetic memory

danielle rousseau

trauma induced mental illness

pretty self explanatory. the loss of her expedition, husband and daughter, as well as 16 years of loneliness (on THIS island) has resulted in emotional instability for danielle. she’s prone to paranoia, trust issues, irrational behaviour

she’s just not well. she’s right most of the time but she’s not well

libby smith

indeterminate mental state

libby was institutionalized (the same place hurley was sent to) and placed on medication (which seemed like sedatives to me, based on her expressions). in the show it’s not what clear what put her there, but having just done some research, i’ve discovered that Word Of God says that libby became mentally unstable after the death of her husband dave smith. so this is probably another case of trauma induced mental illness. she must have had a pretty extreme episode to cause her to be sent to a place like that. something to think about

but alas, it’s libby, so not much info. moving on

benjamin linus

anti social behaviour disorder (is my best guess)

oof. depictions of mental illness with characters who are immoral are depictions of mental illness nonetheless. i feel almost silly saying this but: ben is not... okay

ben displays issues (at best) with empathy, compassion and morality. how much he cares about other people is highly debatable but one thing that's certain is that he does genuinely love his daughter. everybody else is ????

but the loving alex thing rules out him being a sociopath or having narcissistic personality disorder. and it is genuine because when he loses it with grief, it’s not a performance, because the only audience is us...

he’s a compulsive liar, lying even when it doesn’t benefit him. lying just because. ben is highly unpredictable, which isn’t inherently a neurodivergent thing, but when a person goes from a calm discussion to strangling somebody, all roads point to Uh Oh (i don’t know the technical terms for Uh Oh). many of his outward emotions are performed (the difference between his fake smiles and few real smiles is noticeable). he’s manipulative, he treats people like objects for his benefit/plans, he’s self absorbed, he has zero issues with murder unless it’s a child. he does have some moral standards. but overall, uh, [just gestures at ben]

also ben is repeatedly offended when other people don’t trust him, which is HILARIOUS, but also shows a cognitive dissonance on his part

hmm i need more here, im gonna break out the big guns

that’s some basic info there and doesn’t that line up with ben?

the article goes on to say that people with this can put on superficial charm. that is, behave friendly and “normal” when they have to. which ben is shown to be able to do

and this

“Serious problems with interpersonal relationships are often seen in those with the disorder. Attachments and emotional bonds are weak, and interpersonal relationships often revolve around the manipulation, exploitation, and abuse of others.”

reminds me of his situation with juliet. and locke. and his “friendships” in general

i snipped the wikipedia article for this because unlike the rest i felt,,, underequipped to talk about this sort of thing

ben being mentally unwell is clear enough in canon and i think this disorder is what lines up best with it. please note that ben is capable of change and growth (like people in real life who have such issues) and like the show i’m not gonna paint him 100% evil or irredeemable. i’m just saying what’s true

notes

ben says at one point that he doesn’t dream anymore. it’s highly probably that this is a lie, but if it isn’t, well that's not good. it’d mean his brain isn’t entering into REM sleep properly, which can lead to emotional problems

ben doesn’t blink as much as most people do, something michael emerson did on purpose. this can apply to some neurodivergent people

it’s shown that he was quite nonverbal as a kid. in the flashbacks in “man behind the curtain” little ben barely speaks

honourable mentions

pretty much all the survivors suffer from PTSD due the trauma of the crash

a great deal of the characters suffer from PTSD from trauma in general due to their awful lifes. like, abusive parents, war, loss of loved ones, etc

and i must note that ben, daniel and locke suffering from parental abuse, ranging from emotional to physical, is something to factor into their cases

claire, similar to danielle, also suffered trauma induced mental illness due to the loss of her baby and feeling like she was abandoned

sayid is depicted as dead inside during season 6 due to The Sickness, so thats like a magical form of depression. and one could argue that he already had regular depression beforehand

boone joked about shannon having bulimia. (whether or not it’s true, boone is an asshole) if it’s true, shannon has an eating disorder, which is considered a form of mental illness. espech one so self image based

self harm

self harm is not an inherent part of mental illness but such concepts are often linked so i felt i should mention some of these, it’ll be quick

hurley’s aforementioned eating disorder

charlie takes heroin as a form of self harm (that isn’t a theory on my part, it’s clear as day that charlie started taking it because his sense of self worth was so low that the drugs felt like the only option)

locke, hurley, (both as mentioned above), jack, desmond, michael and richard have all attempted/nearly commited suicide

so what can we conclude from this? well that's up to you, really. that i love lost a fuck ton? that the actors and writing in lost is amazing? that all the neurodivergent based depth got saved for the boys? yeah

but i wanna conclude with this: a part of what makes lost really special to me is that these people i’ve talked out here? they’ve suffered, and oh boy it was tasty suffering, but all of them, yes even libby, were more than suffering

these people have nuance. one way or another, these people (to varying degrees) were happy at times. silly. funny. angry. opinionated. they loved. they were loved. they lived and breathed as human beings. that means a lot to me

lost is a story of broken people given a second chance. take that as you will

thank you for your time

#lost #charthann #missinglost #(i don't wanna lose this so i tagged you guys)#i've made a list like this before but i wanna go into detail #and before i knew it i made an incredible essay #lost headcanons #most of this is based on canon but as i said there is extrapolation at play #and i mention some headcanons along the way when i felt it was needed #gosh this became a whole Thing #i hope y'all enjoy it!#and this isn't counting ppl i headcanon as ND #like jack being autistic or charlie having HPD #i could go into that too

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minjoonalist · 5 years

Text

Predilection | Chapter Two.

Pairing : Jikook x Reader [Feat. Taehyung]

Words: 3.5k

Genre: Angst, eventual Smut, fluff

Warnings : explicit wording

Description: you want him, he wants you, but he also wants him, and him wants you- but him hurt you. So You hate him.

———

“So how’d it go?” Your best friend slings his bag over the chair next you.

You were spending your last free day in the school’s library to finish up on some homework and you couldn't help but feel bummed out. Before you had made the depressing decision to cram every note you’d managed to take in the last few days, you finally made the wise decision to seek out your professor and request a new housing like Taehyung suggested.

Your head rises from the open notebook, eyes squinted and your hair tied up in a messy bun, because you hated when it fell on your face as you read. You felt extremely tired, no thanks to the lack of sleep you got from your sudden anxiety and Taehyung’s slightly worried expression told you that maybe you looked worse than you felt.

“Huh?” you rasped sitting up.

“ I said how did it go? Y’know, operation ‘get rid of fuck boy duo’ ?” He raises a hand to pull a stubborn strand of hair behind your ear, a small desperate smile gracing his features.

You furrowed your brows in return, your eyes narrowing in on him when you start to notice his flustered state. He was sweaty, His hair was wild, lips swollen, and the dark purplish hue that was stuck on his collarbone made its appearance once he shuffled to take off a sweater you’ve never seen before.

“Oh right! Let's see..-he said no.” you pouted and shrugged at him. “I’m sorry Ms. y/n, but it's just too late for that. I’m sure all of you will pull through...That. That was his response.”

The look tae returns, only reminds you of the one you made when you received your rejection. Even when you’ve tried over and over to convince the man of the unhealthy nature that stood between you three, he would only continue to insist that you solve it on your own. It only left you with no choice but to accept your tragic fate.

“So he’s making you stay with Captain hook and Tinkerbell?! Thats fucking crazy-” he starts to rant, his anger spiking too high for the atmosphere. you didn't like whenever he got worked up like that, so you attempt to change the subject at hand.

“Tae the only thing that seems to be crazy right now, is how you came late to our study date, looking as if you’ve just ran a marathon.” you quirked your brow and if you thought that the man had seemed flustered before, then his face must’ve felt as hot as the sun by now. His cheeks went from a pinkish hue to completely red and you couldn't help but to simply giggle at his expense.

“Alright …” you stretched in your seat before turning towards him “who was it?”.

He glances away nervously from you, his bottom lip caught in between his teeth. You could say on some level you were completely shocked. Over all your years of friendship you’ve never known your best friend to be shy about spilling his latest activities with you and that included telling you who's poor soul it was. You knew that it had been awhile since he’s had sex and he hasnt really taken an interest anyone-...wait.

“Oh my god…” your eyes widen. The excitement in your voice makes him look up at you. A mixture of curiosity and fear seen within his eyes because he somewhat knew you had already figured it out. There was only one person he couldn't bring himself to act cool in front of and that was none other than- You look around, eyes searching for anyone who might be listening when you turn back to him and mouth ‘Min yoongi?’

Taehyung cringes before groaning out of frustration.

“I just wanted to talk!! How was I supposed to know he would fall for my hot ass-” he cries out dramatically until someone from afar has shushes him. He then sends a nasty glare towards their direction, only to come back towards you to finish “ and I didnt fuck anyone sadly, … I made out with them.”

“You mean him’ as in Min Yoongi?” you try to correct and get a better answer with full smirk on your face.

Taehyung pouts for a bit. “ You know I find other people attractive besides him.” he mumbles “ anyways don't you remember? I was a complete dumb bitch the last time I talked to him. I turned him down to talk about living arrangements-”.

Suddenly he sits up from his slouching position a shocked expression on his face as if he had just realized something.“Oh shit!” He springs forward.

“What? What's happening?” You shuffle back a little, scared by how frantic he looks all of a sudden.

“ I-I’ve got to go. I-I completely forgot that I’m going to be staying with my crush for an entire week!” he says quickly standing up from his chair and you watch as he quickly reaches for all of his items.

“Hey! where are you going? You just got here” you say a bit saddened by the sudden departure. He grabs his bag, slinging it back up onto his shoulders and comes to land a gentle kiss on your temple. He does this sweet gesture and begins to sprint away before you could say anything else-but not forgetting to yell “I need to pack cuter clothes for Yoongi hyung! Bye!”. you sit there in your spot only shaking your head in return.

“Um hello?” a light voice comes from your side.

With a deep smile still being placed onto your features, you don't pay no mind to it. You were still too busy watching your friend’s retreating figure as he rushes away from your teasing of his crush. While he may not have audibly confirmed who the handsy culprit was, his face certainly did and all you wanted to do, was gush for him.

“Right. I’m dumb and Im just gonna go fuck myself now…” the same voice chimes behind you again, except all confidence before had completey vanished and you finally noticed.

“Wait huh?” you then ask turning around from your spot only to be met with another retreating figure that had it’s hoodie up.

From first glance you could almost assume that they were someone you had seen before. Their walk, their shape, and maybe even just the way they were carrying themselves with grace - it all seemed too familiar to you and Immediately you feel guilty from their words. It sounded as if they had gathered so much strength to talk to you and all you did was Ignore their attempt.

Your head throbbed, eyes were droopy and you wanted nothing more than to go take a nice nap in your bed after all that studying. It had been approximately 3 hours since taehyung had left you to your own presence and you still wondered who the mystery figure was that tried to talk to you earlier.

You’re leaning over in your chair, your bag in front of you as you packed up your remaining items. Your eyes trains on the overstuffed case, when a white object is set down in front of your view. You snap slightly towards it, your mind immediately registering it as a small coffee to-go cup.

“Still spending your life in the library I see, huh nerd?” the voice comes out a bit hoarse as if it’s owner wasn't usually one to speak. But they did and you knew they did -but only to the ones they cared about. Funny that at one point it used to be you...

You could've grabbed everything and got up, hell you could have taken the damn coffee and chucked it at the miserable man that dare to speak to you as if everything was fine. But of course, because you were so damn weak and you couldn't control the shock that had you in it’s vice grip, you look up to the handsomely dark male that once called himself your best friend.

“Jungkook?” You breathed. Swallowing thickly, in your now suddenly dry throat. His tall yet lean figure, shifts slightly from hearing his name come out of your mouth and he simply sends you a small nod in return.

“Y/n.” he greets.

Jungkook wasn't surprised at the frown that immediately comes onto your face and he also wasn't surprised that you didn't notice his little peace offering.

“What are you doing here?” Was the exact question he had already braced himself for when he decided it was best to get to you before his boyfriend did. Not long after jimin’s little show, did he verbally express numerous times he was going to come after you despite what jungkook thought and it was only up to the man himself to at least warn you.

“Did you take a wrong turn or something?” Yet another question comes from you. You were beyond confused by the boy’s odd appearance as he stood watching you silently with a cold expression that was completely different from what you were used to. Even if you both had not been friends for years, never once before have you ever had jungkook look at you without some type of adoration in his eyes.

Until now.

He snaps out of his emotionless trance and comes to take the empty seat in front of you. “Its an Americano with three pumps of vanilla- thought you could use some.” he finally says quietly as the coffee cup in front of you is pushed further your way and you slowly raise a skeptical brow. You then sit back a bit, completely stranger to the man you used to cuddle whenever you felt like it. It was weird how close you could be with someone and then suddenly you werent. Even so, it amazed you that he stilled remembered your go-to coffee.

“Um thanks.” you nod reaching for it, but then hesitating to take a sip “you didn't poison this did you?” you asked narrowing your eyes.

Jungkook blinks momentarily at your question and once he takes in what exactly you asked him he sends you a flat look in return. “ No. I don't know about you, but I do want to get an A in this class. I think me, poisoning one of my partners would be a childish decision ” Jungkook says matter-of-factly and the way he sends you a cold glare while taking a sip of his own drink has you wondering just when did the man become so...bitter?

You take your gaze away from him and lower it back down towards your coffee, a slight blush on your cheeks. The grip on it becoming a bit tighter as you grit your teeth in irritation “I wouldn't call it childish” you mutter under your breath. He’d only been around for about 5 minutes and you were already thinking about poisoning him.

Jungkook takes note of your immediate irritation. You never noticed but the way his eyes suddenly glimmered from your deplore of his comment. It was sure enough a number one sign of his ill intentions and After a silence passes by, only then does his emotionless expression return just before he speaks.

“We need to talk about jimin.”

———

There were three things you were sure of the moment Jungkook had decided to confront you while at the library. One, the boy was still as loathsome as the day you both parted, Two you were definitely plotting his death by poison and three...you don't know what kind of overbearing confidence Jimin has been feeding the man over the years, but Jeon Jungkook was way too conceited for his own good.

Ten minutes pass the time you were supposed to be heading home, were the same ten minutes you were stuck watching Jungkook babble on to you about...well you didn't know because you weren't listening.

You blinked slowly.

The sight of the muted raven’s lips moving in a concentrated flow to create a very long speech you surely weren't listening to. While so, you took the time to notice the small features of the grown man that had changed over time. His hair had grown out past the usual short cut he always kept, the boyishly round jawline you were used to seeing had transformed into something that one could say was��sharp, and his eyes...while they were now cold towards you, even a blind bat could tell that once they fell upon you with a loving warmth- it could make anyone fall to their knees.

Although you hated the man himself, you had to admit no amount of disliking could make you so oblivious to how completely hot he is now. Too bad those good looks had to be wasted on such a shitty person...

“-you're not even listening.” his voice finally registers in your ears and he watches as your once glazed eyes snaps into alertness.

“h-huh what?” you stutter while finally bringing your lost attention back onto him. Jungkook’s highly bothered gaze, stays on you and when he sees the confused expression that you give him in return. It only confirms his suspicions of you not listening to a damn thing he was saying.

“Attention deficit. Even now you wont pay attention to me. ” Jungkook then sighs, his body sliding down as he leans his head back into his chair.

This was a lot more annoying than he expected it to be.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Your brow furrows and you cross your arms at his sly comment. The last place that you wanted to be in this moment was in front of jungkook and he had the nerve to insult you right as you were sitting across from him?

Jungkook raises his head once again only to be met with a harsh glare from your point and Inside he mentally scolds himself for letting those words slip out his mouth. “Nothing.” He quickly replies just before leaning over and more towards you. “I know you don't want to talk to me right now...or ever and I can see you’re more than less thrilled about having to put up with both Jimin and I for a week. I don't like repeating myself, So for once could you please listen to me y/n?” He pleads another emotion besides irritation filling his eyes.

There it was again… you thought to yourself, noting the way jungkook seems to insinuate that you never listen to him and if it hadn't been for the fact that you wanted him out of your sight as soon as possible, you would have asked why he seems to keep the pattern. In- fact the longer you both were in each other’s company, the angrier you become and receiving an F’ for this project was seeming worth it to you. If this was the kind of person you would have to talk to everyday in order to get work done, there was no way any of you were going to pass.

“We need to talk about Jimin” he repeats the same phrase, he uttered only a few moments ago and This time, they actually pique your interest. You then quirk a brow in question, no reasons for why he would want to talk about the silver haired man coming to your head.

“Why? Flaunting him around in my face not doing it for you?” You ask rhetorically, not even attempting to hide the bitterness in your voice. This makes Jungkook narrows his eyes. The faintest smirk appearing on his lips but deep down there was that familiar pinch of emotion that he’d learned to keep at bay. Guilt

“You know green never looked good on you y/n.” He clicks his tongue.

“And being a dick isn’t a great personality trait.” your reply was quick as you attempt to hide the silent sting of his words. You then raise your chin high, feigning confidence “ speaking of- ...what the hell does your boyfriend have to do with me?” You ask finally giving into the evil gaze that probably wasn't going to budge anytime soon.

Jungkook takes a moment to look at you, seeing that you’re equally as harsh gaze had no falter. Brows furrowed, star gazed eyes narrowed into slits, and soft looking lips pursed into a thin line-...wait did he just call your lips soft? What the fuck.

He blinks to himself.

“Well?” You prod, completely unaware of his sudden turmoil.

Jungkook clears his throat “Well, I guess I’ll just start off with the obvious fact that you have a non-stop hard on for him.” he speaks, looking too sure of himself. He would have thought this would have been a bit easier to communicate with you, but somehow he found it hard to tell you that karma was basically kicking him in his ass.

“Every girl has those for jimin, jungkook-” you snort and he rolls his eyes.

“But they’re not like you...”

“How so?” you inquire, a brow still quirked skeptically towards him. Jungkook sighs again but a bit more audibly this time “ You’re just different. They don't have our past history- our relationship.”

“Right, because normal girl’s don't have their crushes sucked away by a snake best friend.” You conclude sarcastically and It comes out just as venomous as you wanted it to “ how lucky am I? ”

The right eye on jungkook’s face twitches and he bites back his winning anger. Why he hasn't gotten up from this table yet was beyond his comprehension, he usually didn't have this kind of patience- not even for Jimin. Maybe because he wants to have it for you.

“Well my boyfriend wants to fuck you in more ways than one…so I’d say pretty damn lucky.” Jungkook swallows, his bottom lip being caught in between his teeth.

You frown and the air in between you shifts just when you start to see unease within his features. It feels as if time has just slowed down, the subtle beating within your heart escalating at jungkook’s highly alarming confession and you try your best not to let your mouth hang open.

Your body freezes, eyes bulging out slightly as you look away in shock and then understanding. For a moment, you wanted to believe that what Jungkook was telling you was true- that the very man you’ve fantasized multiple times about has suddenly done the same for you. But of course you couldn't, only holding onto the silent fear that this was all just some sick joke he came up with to hurt you even more.

Your fists clench at you side. You felt anger spike through you, from the thought of the evil boy plotting harm to you. “That's it? that's why you’re here? To tell me that your little love slave suddenly has his eye on me? How dumb do you think I am?” You sneer at him, your words getting louder by the second and you forget that the both of you were currently situated within a library.

What ever reaction jungkook thought you were going to have towards this conversation, it wasn't one of anger. surprise, happy- maybe even a bit of relief, but he certainly never pictured you rising from your seat and leaning over the table with a look that could kill an army.

He shifts a bit.

“ Do you think I'm so desperate that I would just jump immediately at your word? I'm not naive, little y/n anymore Jeon” you couldn't help yourself, watching as jungkook blinks rapidly towards you.

“Y/n that's not-“ Jungkook frowns and he tries to calm you down, but you were too far gone.

“I'm not that little puppet you can manipulate. I was your friend and that's what you should have treated me as...what the hell did I ever do to you?” The words leave your mouth before you could even register it. It was a fair question, that always seem to plague your mind whenever you thought about this. You’ve asked him this before of course, but for some reason you could never seem to remember what it was that he told you. All you knew was that no matter what it was, there was just no excuse for ever hurting your friend like that.

A long silence goes by.

“Friend.” He simply repeats after a moment. “ y/n you weren't my friend. Friends hangout everyday, friends share laughs and listen to each other's problems or secrets. Friends don't ignore each other’s entire existence when they wanted them most. Friends don't let the other fall while they take a step back…” By then Jungkook had slowly risen out of his seat as well, his speech strong with emotion until the last part had become so low you’ve completely missed it.

However that wasn't your worry, what registered with you most, was the pain his eyes bore into you -as if he wanted you to see everything that he’d kept inside all these years. If that it-self wasn't distracting then maybe it was the fact that jungkook had copied your stature without thinking it through fully. While he leaned over the table - his face only a few mere inches away, it dawns on you quickly that he was way too close into your personal space.

Even knowing so, you still wouldn't budge because you refused to be the one to submit. Instead you kept your unmoving glare onto his wavering eyes, your steady breathing against his increasing inhales, your frozen frame in shock when his moves in even closer, and a blank mind when his lips are suddenly on yours.

Jungkook had snapped.

Chapter Two | Masterlist

#jimin #jungkook #bts #bangtan #bts scenerio #bts imagine #bts smut #bts au #predilection #bts angst #bts fluff #jikook #bts x reader #jikook x reader #jungkook smut #jimin smut #au

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