#this is a really good question unfortunately many of the things I’ve read come with asterisks… for example everything ricstar post xforce | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theorphicangel · 5 months

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𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫. | 𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐱 (𝐟𝐞𝐦!) 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 | 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 |

[ “𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗯𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿?” ]

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐝𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟, 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭, 𝐦𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠

synopsis: You're pretty good at sticking to rules. Always have been. And for the past three years you would think that you've been good enough to stick to the rules of being a roommate.

Rule number one: Don’t fall in love. Under any circumstances.

Rule number two: Follow to rule number one.

Easy enough to follow.

Right?

series | previous chapter | next chapter

Chapter 4: April.

cw: suggestive themes, 18+

“Levi! Come look at this rock!”

Levi comes to a stop. He’s only a little ahead of you and yet you can already imagine the frown on his face before he turns.

“Why? So you can throw it at me? That’s attempted murder.” He deadpans.

You snorted aloud, watching him stroll over to you with his hands in his pockets.

“Hey, don’t start giving me ideas, not when we’re getting along so well. I might just use it against you, and it’s not attempted if I succeed.”

“Too bad we’re in the open. Save it for later.” Levi turns to make his way back to the path but he stops again. “Who said that we were getting along well?”

“Well, you stopped calling me an idiot for one. That really annoyed me at one point.”

Levi snorts. “I’d like to see you try and pick that shit up anyways… idiot.”

“Hange’ll help me.” You say, purposely ignoring his insult.. At your comment Levi merely rolled his eyes as, unfortunately, you had a point.

If anything Hange would agree to any stupid thing you’d say. Together you were like tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum…only twice as worse. If Levi could prevent one moment from happening, it would have been the moment that the two of you met. If he’d known that you and Hange would live up to the expectations of making Levi’s life a pure hell, he wouldn't have taken you over to Hange’s house that day.

You laugh out loud suddenly, as if you had read Levi’s personal thoughts. “Don’t tell me you actually think we’ll carry this out.”

“Wouldn’t beat it past you.” Levi spoke, turning around and heading back to the path. You follow him diligently, wanting to keep up with him.

You quickly join his side abruptly bumping into his side. With this action you smoothly link arms with him. For a second you feel his body go stiff, freezing up in surprise but shockingly he doesn’t seem to protest by it.

You lean into him slightly as you tease. “Don’t worry, I don’t plan on murdering my favorite roommate just yet.”

Now it’s his turn to laugh as you both walk down the path together, taking a slow pace.

“Okay one: I’ve been your only roommate… two: ‘just yet’?... I may as well take your guilty ass down to the police station myself.”

You shrug casually, ignoring his last threat. “One: Not many people have had the ability to earn the title of favorite roommate, so be grateful you jackass… and two: sure, I’ll give you credit for being the first but what about when I move out?”

Levi frowns almost immediately, a horrible taste in his mouth at the slight proposal of your last point. Levi feels his stomach suddenly drop and he tries to keep a light hearted tone in his voice as he questions you further. “What’d you mean when you move out?”

“After I murder you, I’ll need to find a new roommate of course, I can’t pay rent by myself.”

Levi rolls his eyes again but this time his shoulders seem to drop with a sort of internal relief. Levi hopes you won’t bring that up again, not even as a joke. He’s not looking forward to that conversation. Not for a long time anyways.

“So you’ll go off and find a new victim?”

“Something like that, although I don’t think anyone else will be as annoying as you.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Levi scoffs in reply.“And where exactly are you planning to hide my body?”

“Not sure.” You murmur softly. “Wanna help me with ideas?”

“Fuck no.”

You pull a frown. “I want to find a comfortable spot for you.”

“Comfortable? I’m dead.”

“Whatever, I still want to keep your soul in peace y’know?”

“You are absolutely fucking ridiculous.” Levi mutters. “I should’ve recorded this so that I can prove to the whole world how fucking crazy you are.”

“They would never believe you.” You taunt. “Plus it was you who made the suggestion in the first place, doofus.”

“Are you sure about that?” Levi asks, tilting his head to look over at you. You notice his dark locks falling gently beneath his brow.

“Positive.”

Letting out a giggle and him a withdrawn scoff you continue to stroll down the path, arms still linked with his.

The local park was pretty quiet, give or take for a few lonesome people. You put this to the responsibility of the gloom of rain clouds approaching your overhead. You and Levi both randomly agreed to go out for a walk to clear your minds from rotting in the apartment all day. But it was suggested to you in particular.

Over the past few days Levi had noticed how you had been cooped up in your room all day, waiting for a text back from… him.

Earlier, Levi had thought for a second that you were alluding to about moving out to go live with Daniel. It was simply a joke. You didn’t even explicitly mention Daniel at all but it didn’t take long for Levi to quickly jump to conclusions.

Although you’d played it off as a lighthearted joke Levi would be lying if he said that he wasn’t worried about it turning to reality one day.

But who is he kidding? You’re only roommates. Friends even. Not…lovers. He has no right to get upset about what you choose to do in the future.

It’d be wrong to think of you as his. Completely wrong. And it’d be wrong to think of the ways you’d touch him. Particularly, late at night when he can’t sleep he’s conjuring up the ways that you would please him. It’s certainly wrong to think of you with his fist wrapped around his cock, imagining that it was yours.

How would you react?

Would you be gentle with him?

How would you sound when he touches you?

How would you sound when he enters you for the first time? When he fills you up? How would he feel when you're clenched around him? And what would the look on your face be when you–

Fuck, fuck, fuck, he shouldn’t be thinking that. Not when you’re right next to him.

“Are you alright?” You ask, noticing Levi’s silence. You felt his body suddenly stiffen.

“Yeah, yeah.” He plays off, trying to fixate his mind on anything, anything at all. Anything but you. In order to succeed in this, he thinks of the worst thing possible. And it seems to do the trick on getting his past thoughts to evaporate.

“Have you heard back from–”

He doesn’t even need to finish the sentence to get you to understand what he’s trying to say. Levi can barely say his name, mentally cursing himself for bringing him up. This walk was supposed to be an attempt to get your mind off him.

Lately, Levi’s noticed how you linger around your phone. Constantly refreshing your screen in the hope of receiving an immediate notification.

You shake your head beside him. Levi notices your facial expression drop at the topic of conversation and a sea of regret floods his entire body.

“No but…” you pause, taking a moment to search for some words. “I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation.”

“It wouldn’t be reasonable enough.” Levi mutters under his breath, and he succeeds in getting a small smirk from you. The two of you continue to walk at a slow pace down the path, a comfortable silence emerging.

“I know you hate him.”

“What made that obvious?”

You chuckle at the sound of Levi’s sarcastic tone. “From the moment he came into the apartment and forgot to take his shoes off I knew that he would never be able to live up to your expectations ever again.”

Levi huffed, as if the remembrance of that occasion physically pained him.

“But I’m sure he’s learned his lesson by now. You probably scared him off with all your glaring.”

“I was not glaring.”

“Oh yeah? And the sky is purple.”

“I didn’t say a word to him.”

“You didn’t have to.” you remarked. “It was obvious by your face that you didn’t like him.”

“That’s not my problem.”

“Try and tone it down next time.” you sigh. “I really do want to make it work with him y’know?”

“I know.” Levi says, a random feeling of dejection in his heart and it takes all of him not to add to the end of that sentence ‘but you deserve so much better.’

A crease appears between his brows at your words of a ‘next time.’

Levi hopes there won’t be a next time. Deep down he hopes that there won’t be another time of Daniel coming over invading Levi’s personal space with his shitty jokes and pathetic conversation. He hopes there won’t be a next time of witnessing how Daniel eagerly tries to show off constantly to try and win your heart, blissfully unaware that you deeply dislike it.

He hopes there won’t be a next time when Daniel comes to stay over for the night and Levi is left to hear your muffled moans through the walls. It’s a violent reminder that he’s not getting the privilege of knowing you intimately. He hopes there isn’t a next time where he has to watch Daniel sneak out through the front door, not bothering to wait until you wake with claims of work at his excuse.

Levi truly hopes that there won’t be a time where he watches your innocent heart get played with.

“Ducks.” you say randomly, causing Levi to emerge from his thoughts.

“What?”

You’ve both now reached the lake that stretches wide and far, creating an oval shape in the center of the park. Over to the right there’s a bridge that leads to the other side of the park.

“Ducks.” You repeat, now delving your hands in your pockets to look for your phone. “Lemme take a picture.”

“Swans.” Levi points out impassively.

“And ducks. Same thing.”

“Hardly.”

You ignore his last comment as your thumb clicks the white circle, taking multiple photos of the scenery despite the gray sky and all.

“Take one with me in it.” You turn towards him, holding out your phone to him. For a few seconds he merely stares at your phone in silent protest. You tilt your head in pure persuasion. “Pretty please?”

He rolls his eyes, unable to resist your somewhat adorable charm.

“Whatever.” He mumbles taking your phone as you walk ahead of him ready to pose. Levi sighed before tilting your phone landscape to get a full view of the lake and the swans behind you.

“Smile.” he deadpanned before focusing on taking the photo.

A cheesy grin spread across your face, your hands gesturing towards the swans and ducks. Levi couldn’t help but shake his head at the way you posed bashfully.

“Are you finished?” he mutters, after you start changing poses numerous times. “I think your storage is full.”

Your face drops. “Wait really?” And in a blink of an eye you’re by his side with a concerned look on your face as you glance at your phone screen. “Wait where?”

It then dawns on you that he just wanted you to stop.

“Fuck you.”

“It was for your own reputation. Murderers can’t be seen making goofy poses in the local park.”

“They were not goofy–”

Your argument soon gets interrupted by a stranger approaching and you could tell someone was coming based on the way Levi’s eyes squinted behind you and how his teasing expression began to disappear.

You turned to see an elderly woman, who you assume to be out on possibly on her daily walk.

“Excuse me, but I couldn’t help but admire the two of you and I was wondering if you would like me to take a picture of you and your boyfriend?”

The question makes you double take immediately. Your cheeks grow warm and you stutter for an answer as you and Levi both go silent.

“Oh, no he’s not my–” you begin before you’re interrupted by Levi.

“Sure.”

Levi hands her the phone, your phone, and the two of you both shuffle backwards,

At first you’re unsure of how to pose but quickly relax and wrap an arm around Levi’s waist. Once again, you can feel how his body stiffens yet he ends up positioning his arms around your shoulders.

“Thank you!” you say, taking back the phone after she had taken a few pictures.

“The two of you remind me of my late husband and I. We met when we were quite young and we’d come to this park almost every day together.” As she comes to a pause, she bows her head making your heart ache for her as she remembers her gone soulmate.

“Keep each other close and don’t take each other for granted.” The older woman murmurs her advice. “You two are a beautiful couple. Please cherish every moment you spend together and don’t regret it.”

“Oh uh– thank you.” You nod, the idea of breaking the truth now a thought that you had pushed away.

You nudged Levi discreetly, who was listening silently with a blank expression, to say his gratitude. You wave at the woman who shuffles away, heading over to the bridge.

For a moment, there was a silence between you and Levi. Neither of you are sure how to carry on from that experience.

You take the opportunity to go first. “Why would you say that?”

Levi shrugs, “It’d be more embarrassing for us if we had to explain ourselves. It’s not like it’s the first time people have assumed, so I just thought to let it–be.”

You nod slowly, coming to realize that he’s right.

It was an honest and harmless mistake and that lady was not the first to think that you and Levi were more than just roommates or friends. It has gotten pretty exhaustive and repetitive to state your friendship so now, you don’t really care about the assumptions that people make about the two of you and by the looks of it…neither does he.

A small smile reaches your lips before carrying on with your stoll and in silence the two of you admire the lake which stretches to the other half of the park. On approaching the bridge, dark clouds of rain seem to be heading your way and this is the moment where you internally curse yourself for not bringing an umbrella.

“Maybe…we should start heading back to the car.” You suggest, anxious of the heavy shade of gray that looms over you.

“I second that.” Levi murmurs, beside you. “Let’s head back.”

Making a U-turn, the two of you decide to leave the opportunity to explore the other side of the park for another day as your weather app informs of heavy rain to begin in the next ten minutes which will continue for the rest of the afternoon.

You’re a little deflated, disappointed that your day had to come to a short end. Making your way back to the car, you and Levi briskly walk in an attempt to make it back to the apartment with your bodies as dry as possible but once you felt a large raindrop fall onto your skin, you knew that the raingods had come to curse you.

“Fuck’s sake.” you mutter underneath your breath, eyes watching the once dry pavement beneath your feet soon become patterned with raindrops. In a rush, Levi grabs your hand fiercely, taking you by surprise as he continues his pace despite the rain beginning to unleash its worst.

For a second he was optimistic. Thinking that perhaps this would be a slow start before the real downpour was set but his thinking has failed him as the light raindrops turn heavy and every inch of his body seems to become an antonym to the word dry.

You pull at his hand which causes him to abruptly halt for a moment to turn and look at you.

And by god were you a sight for sore eyes.

Your face is dripping with rain, clothes dark with precipitation and your waterproof mascara suddenly not living up to its name. It’s more than obvious that you needed to get somewhere dry. You both are in need of it.

Levi looks around, scanning for a place where the two of you can find shelter, the number of people in the park now becoming scarce. Unfortunately, there’s no buildings nearby but Levi spots a large oak tree whose branches seem to provide a decent enough roof for the two of you.

His hand, albeit wet, is still tightly wrapped around yours, guiding you to the tree as you try to blink away the on coming raindrops from your eyes. It doesn’t take long for the two of you to reach your safe haven whilst the rain is still smacking against the concrete.

Contrastingly, the ground is soft underneath your feet and you can feel yourself slightly sink a little into the ground with each step. Levi, of course, makes his complaints known by cursing as loudly as he can over the rushing sound of rainfall.

“Shit, I didn’t know this would be muddy. Maybe we should go somewhere else?” His eyes were already searching for a new location, a location with shelter and of appropriate ground.

You shake your head, raindrops falling from your head. “It’s fine, I don’t want to go back out there again.”

Although the leaves of the oak tree aren’t completely dense, you’re still glad that the amount of raindrops that are now falling on you has now slowed to a much relaxed pace.

You sniffle a little, wiping off the raindrops from your face, trying as much as you can to dry yourself up but you don’t seem to get much luck from your otherwise soaked sleeves.

“You alright?” Levi asks. And now you can hear his voice a little better as the volume of the rain has quietened down.

You nod wordlessly, straining your clothes from any damp, watching as water is squeezed out of your materials. You curse aloud, only now realizing the extent of being in the rain without the umbrella. You’ll just have to manifest to the universe tonight that you won’t catch a cold but you can’t completely disregard that consequence.

“Take this.” Levi mutters before taking off his black jacket. “I mean it’s pretty soaked, but you should stay warm. You don’t want to be catching a cold.”

You smirk a little at his offer. “I’m pretty sure it’s set in stone by now, don’t worry. You should keep it on, you might catch a cold.”

“Says the one whose immune system is weaker than an egg shell.”

You roll your eyes. “Alright jerk, just ‘cause you only get sick approximately every 5 years.”

You expected a laugh from him, maybe even an insult but instead you watch the frown on his face grow deeper, him still gesturing for you to take his jacket. “You’re shivering. Take it.” His tone is a little more forceful and before you could even respond, you found comforting material wrapped around your shoulders.

It's only now that you're aware of the sudden close proximity between the two of you. His features are somehow more prominent in the rain. The front locks of his jet black hair have raindrops dripping down onto his face, dripping from his nose and sliding down his cheeks to meet his sharp jawline.

Somehow the rain just makes him look even more…attractive.

“Levi, I’m fine I swear.” You grumble, trying to distract your mind as the warmth from his body transitions to yours. Your retaliations are continuously ignored, leaving you no choice but to accept the gesture gratefully.

“Thanks.”

Levi’s eyes meet yours. “No problem.”You blink and you’re suddenly lost in them.

The gray of his iris mixed with a hint of light blue, which is apparent if you squint and you can’t help but worship their beauty.Your eyes move to glance at his lips. Pink and plump, with water dripping from his cupid’s bow. You’re not really sure why your eyes suddenly fixate on those, but your heart does seem to race faster and all of a sudden you’re now wondering how soft he would feel against your own lips, your own skin.

Looking back at him, he’s still fixated on you and the two of you are stuck like a photo in time. The only thing that reinforces the notion that you’re not living in a freeze frame is the rush of downpour that streams behind you.

Swallowing thickly, you just wonder…whether…maybe…if you just leaned in to –

You clear your throat suddenly, stepping back and sniffing. You turn away to wipe the tip of your nose.

No. Absolutely not. Get that thought out of your head.

“Sick already?” Levi presumes and there’s a hint of playfulness in his voice.

“Yeah, yeah.” You brush off. “Do you think it’ll ever calm down?”

The rush of downpour continues to aggravate the stone pavement, water dripping off the leaves above.

“Should do.”

“Or should we just run for it?”

“You’ll get sick.”

“Which is inevitable either way I’m sure.” you shrug.

Levi raises a brow. “You sure?”

“Undoubtedly sure.”

“You’ll regret it.”

Rolling your eyes, you begin to step forward where the downpour of rain doesn’t hesitate in drenching you again. “Are you coming or not, Ackerman?”

Rolling his eyes, he follows you, making a mental reminder in his mind to get his favorite stash of tea out when you both get home. Immediately.

And boy, did you regret it.

There’s nothing more you hate in life than being constrained to your bed, with endless tissues that come with an endless amount of sneezes and snot. Not to mention the sore throat or the banging headache that returns every hour even after taking medicine.

But what you hated the most was having to deal with a smugass roommate whom you had to rely on for basic needs. After multiple ‘I told you so’s’ and his own endless amount of complaints and criticism for you, you decided to fulfill his ego and express your regret for your decision.

It was bad enough that you were sick but now you had Levi taking care of you. You were currently under the pretense that he absolutely hated every single moment which, unbeknownst to you, was terribly false.

Entering your room with your third cup of tea this morning, he caught you in the midst of a sneezing fit whilst placing the steaming hot china cup down on your bedside table. And of course he loudly grimaced as he did so.

“Shut up.” you groan, your voice croaky from your illness.

“I–”

“I told you so, yeah, yeah are you finished?”

Levi frowned. “I was going to say that I could get you another pack of tissues if you wanted them?”

“Oh.” you say dumbly. “Right. That would be great thanks.”

Levi quickly disappeared from your room and arrived by the next minute, a new pack of tissues in his hands.

“Sorry.” You mumble, accepting the package.

“It’s fine.”

“It’s really not.” you sigh. “I’ve got you running around the house like a madman all because I’m sick.”

“Again.”

“Again.” you repeat, a small smile appearing across your lips.

“Thank you.” you say, after a long pause of silence.

“For what?”

You roll your eyes, honestly sometimes you really want to smack Levi against the wall. He can be so dense, which is surprising for someone who has achieved the highest grade possible at university.

“For this.” you gesture around. “For helping me out.”

He shrugged. “Nothing I haven’t done before.”

You hummed, “I’m getting pretty used to having you as my slave, maybe I won’t kill you at all.”

Levi clicked his tongue. “Don’t get too comfortable, princess.”

Whether it was the pet name or your fever spiking up again– though you wish to believe the latter– your cheeks suddenly burned and you looked away in hidden embarrassment. You cleared your throat before speaking again.

“I really do mean it though, thank you.”

Levi sat on the edge of your bed. “It’s the bare minimum I can do as your roommate.”

There it goes again. Your constant reminder.

You’re roommates, nothing more, nothing less. At the end of the day, you’re around each other merely because of a single contract.

You’re roommates, this is normal, the bare minimum.

This is what friends do. Not lovers.

Yet… you can’t stop yourself from thinking about if you were. Shaking your head you attempt to pull that thought out of your head. No, no, no, you’re with Daniel. Thinking about Levi? That would be wrong.

But could it be so wrong that he’s the only thing that you can think about late at night?

When you touch yourself underneath the sheets, it’s Levi’s name that you moan softly to yourself, fantasizing over the ways he would touch you. It’s embarrassing to admit but… Daniel’s never managed to please you properly. The only way that you can reach your full release is by imagining if it was Levi.

But it was wrong. So wrong. Yet, you couldn’t stop yourself from wondering.

How would he touch you? What would he feel like? Would he be soft and gentle with you or the complete opposite? What would he sound like when he–

You inhale sharply which catches Levi’s attention.

“You okay?” He asks.

You nod. “Just really cold.” You play off, trying to get rid of that dirty thought about your roommate.

You couldn’t. You were loyal to Daniel, even if he seems to take weeks to respond.

You couldn’t ever because you’re pretty sure Levi doesn’t even feel the same way.

If he did then you would’ve known by now. There would’ve been a hint.

You think back to Valentine’s day. Perhaps if you didn’t have a date with Daniel would he have asked you out?

No. Don’t be stupid. You are roommates.

The number one rule of being roommates is universal: Don’t fall in love with each other.

Snapping you back to reality, Levi picks up the cup of tea on your bedside table.

You cough a little. “Levi, I’m fine, really. You don’t need to babysit me.”

“You can’t murder me if you’re sick right?”

You laugh, which soon falls to a series of heavy coughs. With his free hand, Levi rubs reassuring circles on your back, once you’re alright he holds out the teacup for you to sip. You do so obediently, the hot liquid satisfying your body. You let out a deep exhale, reclining back into your bed.

“So when I get better you’ll watch out?”

He nods, smirking a little. “I’ll always watch out for you. Always.”

reblogs are much appreciated!

lmk if you would like to join the taglist!

taglist:

@xxdarkdarlingxx@katestrophes@drdaddystrange @bejewelledd @medli-komali @fondalilly @alyssa212 @apolloshaiku @xinsonyax @chunea @asa-the-ace @thevelria @midnightdrearyyy @hybridrainbow @mrsackermannx @burningxaces @omlbarnes @flowersun @taehyung-luv @velouria17 @444chim @sujiroses @aslantes @pepsicolacoochie @you-always-made-me-blush @woozzz @meowjaa @L1zk4 @geektasticjustine @crazychaoticizzy @booksoffracturedescapes @yevskys_crime

#lover.#angel writes #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #levi attack on titan #attack on titan #levi x you #aot x reader #snk levi #levi snk #attack on titan levi #levi #levi fanart #aot levi #levi ackerman.#levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman imagines #levi ackermann

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kayadrake123 · 2 years

Text

Batboys x famous!Reader headcanons

I love reading headcanons and stories on this topic, but unfortunately there aren’t enough out there about it so, I decided to make some! Let me know if you want me to do more or to add more batfam members. Hope you enjoy it!

…………………………………………………………………………

Dick Grayson

You guys are the IT couple. Like bffr.

You’re pretty private with your relationship, but there are still so many pictures of you guys all over the internet and social media.

When you guys started dating people didn’t think much of it cause you were pretty good friends before so the amount of time you spent together wasn’t really new to anyone.

However, this completely changed when a paparazzi photo of you guys making out in a car came out. And some of you guys holding hands, laughing over dinner, etc.

THE INTERNET WENT CRAZY.

People had been shipping you guys together for so long, and you guys even came out a few times denying the rumours about you guys dating BUT NOW!? Everything just felt right.

You guys are pretty active on social media, but you love posting TikToks of Dick being…well Dick.

THIRST TRAPS OF DICK!

(It’s not really thirst traps cause it’s usually just a random video of him smiling or something but DAMN)

His Instagram is literally your fanpage. LIKE HE LOVES YOU.

Depending on what your career is, he’d come on your set for a movie, fashion show, come to your basket ball game, football game, etc.

You do receive a few threats here and there because people are crazy and are obsessed with your man, and it is scary, but Dick is always there to reassure you he wouldn’t let anything happen to you and that they’re just jealous.

He definitely went onto social media to address the haters and they shut up prettyyy quick after that.

Red carpets with you two are MWAH!

Like you guys kill every photo.

You guys are perfect for each other.

Jason Todd

‘Isn’t Jason Todd dead?!’

That was a very common question people asked after seeing you out and being very cuddly with someone who looked a lot like the hotter and older version of the deceased son of Bruce Wayne.

It was honestly a mistake, you guys thought you were being slick but paparazzi is everywhere man.

Bruce ended up helping you guys come up with a reason for Jason now being alive. (Something about him being kidnapped and presumed dead and blah blah blah)

After all that commotion, people shipped you guys HARD.

Jason comes off as a very intimidating person, and his good looks just intensified his intimidating look. But with you? He looks like the softest person ever.

There are so many photos of you kissing his nose and lips and him just having the cutest smile on his face.

He’s also always hugging you in most photos and giving you a big smooch on the top of your head. (It doesn’t matter how tall you are, Jason is taller than you by so much)

He doesn’t have much social media but I’ve seen posts about him having Twitter and posting the most out-of-pocket and hilarious things, and I strongly agree with this.

He always tweets about you and how beautiful you are and it makes people go feral cause HE’S JUST SO SOFT WITH YOU AWWWW

MORE THIRST TRAPS!!

Like you post the hottest videos and photos of Jason and everyone is so thankful for it. Like yesssssss

Hates paparazzi. Seriously. But, he endures it on red carpets, especially when he’s with you.

Like all the photos are just of him smiling at how amazing you look and being such a gentleman.

Definitely a Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds type of relationship :)

Everyone believes you guys are definitely gonna get married.

Tim Drake

You guys attend so many of the same charity events, and there have always been a few pictures of you guys together, but nothing more than just friendly and business related ones. You’re always invited to Bruce’s galas too.

Your relationship, like Dick’s, had always just been seen as something friendly and business related. You’re a celebrity and an influential person and he’s the youngest CEO and and influential person too. It’s nothing more.

UNTIL videos of you guys dancing together at one of Bruce’s galas went viral. SLOW DANCING, AND VERY CLOSE FOR THAT MATTER!

People only confirmed your relationship when a few weeks later a few more videos and photos of you two walking together down the street, your dog’s leash in one hand and Tim’s hand in the other, came out.

It was an unexpected couple, that’s for sure. But lots of people shipped nonetheless.

Tim has always been seen in suits and pretty formal clothing, but now due to him being with you and having added attention put onto his life, he’s been seen in more casual and chill clothes and DAMN IT MAKES HIM SOOOO MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE.

Tim has really good style. Seriously. My fashion king.

Beach photos! You both always look amazing and are playing in the water or volleyball or something. There’s always pics of him picking you up (he may be smaller than some of you but man is STRONG)

So many photos of you guys making out. So many.

Tim sits through a lot of weird conversations with Bruce because of this.

TIM SLAYS EVERY RED CARPET. Like you do too, but like I said his style is AMAZING. People love it.

Cute photos of you smiling at each other on the red carpet.

You mainly post videos of you scaring Tim and him being super adorable(and attractive) on Tiktok. People love it.

Hot couple tiktoks. There I said it.

He lovesss to post videos of you sleeping. He thinks you look so cute.

Your birthday posts for each other are so fucking cute.

You guys are pretty much the definition of opposites attract and people love it.

#dick grayson x reader #dick grayson x y/n #dick grasyon #jason todd x reader #jason todd x y/n #jason todd #tim drake x reader #tim drake x y/n #tim drake #batfam x reader #dc x reader #batman #bruce wayne

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onemustalwaysbecarefulofbooks · 11 months

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Why I Dislike Rhysand, Part 1: Not a Martyr Like You Think

So. . this rant has been a long time coming. I finally came to the conclusion that it would be too much to include all in one post. There are so many different things I feel the need to touch on and include that I decided I’m going to be breaking it up. Enjoy Part 1.

I also feel the need to start off by saying that I’ve been an SJM reader for nearly ten years now. I remember when ACOTAR first came out. I remember reading ACOMAF upon its release and nearly being blown over by my intense disgust and dislike for how a story was handled. ACOMAF was released in 2016, so I’ve been holding on to a lot of this for the better part of seven years. I don’t know how many of you were a part of the ACOTAR or SJM community here on Tumblr back in those days but let me tell you. . .it was something else. The fevered Rhysand obsession and worship was WILD. The fans were CUT THROAT and had no mercy. If you even HINTED at the fact that you felt like Rhys was not All That, they came for you and they came hard. I have never been one to engage in ridiculous arguments with strangers on the internet so I kept most of my feelings to myself. It’s giving me immense satisfaction and validation to see so many people begin to express things that are so like minded with how I feel. Keep fighting the good fight!

SO! We’re going to dive deep with this and go back to before the series chronologically even started.

A huge part of why I so strongly dislike Rhysand is that I find it very hard to sympathize with him regarding his time UTM.

Yes, you read that correctly.

Now, I realize that that sentence alone is enough to cause a lot of people to click away from this in disgust immediately. I challenge those people to keep reading and to hear me out. I try and make it a point to back everything I have to say with canon facts and logical sense. One of the fatal (or perhaps not so fatal) flaws I have as a reader is that 99% of the time, I am not able to just let things go and absorb them at face value for the sake of an entertaining story. You can sell me just about anything and I’ll be able to find some enjoyment in it. . .if it makes sense. If something exists in a scenario that is contradictory or just plain illogical, I tend to fixate on it and not be able to let it go (I call this the Ravenclaw in me). Sometimes I almost resent that I’m like this because I feel like it prevents me from just having a good time with literature, but for better or worse, this is the kind of reader I am.

Unfortunately, the ACOTAR series, specifically many things that have to do with Rhys and the Inner Circle, are riddled with things like this. Now, it’s no secret to any SJM reader that Sarah J Maas is OBSESSED with Rhys and the Inner Circle. Like. . .OBSESSED. I’ve truly never seen anything like it from an author. She so plainly and clearly holds these characters on pedestals and believes them to be the best of the best. She also so plainly and clearly works very hard to try and get the readers to feel the same way. This is why I say that SJM is one of the most confusing and frustrating authors I’ve ever read about. She clearly feels this way and wants US to feel this way. So you’d think, if that was her end goal, that she would simply just write characters who really ARE the best of the best and deserve to be on pedestals. Easy, right? She has total control over the actions, thoughts, and words of these characters, every other character, the plot, the narrative, the direction of the entire story. So just. . .write them as being perfect saintly beings, as you so clearly view them as?? You have the power to do this?

But here’s where the confusing and frustrating part comes in: She doesn’t.

Instead of giving us these characters who truly ARE as virtuous and amazing and wonderful as she thinks they are, she instead gives us characters who do horrific, selfish, and highly questionable things across the span of the series and then gaslights her readers by continuing to hold these characters on pedestals and laud them as being The Best In Every Way. . .while their atrocious deeds are sitting RIGHT THERE on the page being completely ignored in every way. It’s one of the most unaware and bizarre things I’ve ever witnessed from an author and honestly, from a group of readers. The amount of people who just blindly accept anything SJM says as Gospel is wild to me. I really don’t understand how people just swallow this stuff and can’t see it for what it is. Open your mind to just an ounce of critical thinking and I really do believe you’ll begin to see things in a new way.

So. . .my point in all that being: SJM clearly wanted us to have a ton of sympathy for Rhys from his ordeal with Amarantha and his time UTM. The scene is set perfectly! Valiant and selfless Rhysand volunteers himself to play Amarantha’s whore in order to keep her attention from the city and the people Rhys loves so much. He lives for 50 years having to “service” a psychotic evil woman who actively tries to bring destruction to his entire country. Horrible, right??? Unthinkable. What he went through!!! What he had to do!!! No one has a selfless heart like he does!!!!

The only problem is. . .this entire scenario has a million holes in it. Let’s explore some of them.

So, when Amarantha returns to Prythian, Rhys heads to her little party without any backup from the IC. He plans to kill Amarantha himself but of course, she tricks all the High Lords and captures their power before this can happen.

Sidenote: This is another thing I can’t stand about Rhysand’s power: We are told over and over and over that he is THE MOST powerful High Lord not just of the seven current High Lords, but in all of Prythian’s HISTORY. In the High Lord’s meeting during ACOWAR (top contender for my least favorite scene of the entire series), Feyre says:

The others, who had been watching with disdain and amusement and boredom, now turned to my mate. Now possessed a shadow of fear in their eyes as they realized who and what, exactly, sat amongst them.

Brethren, and yet not. Tamlin was a High Lord, as powerful as any of them.

Except for the ones at my side. Rhys was as different from them as humans were to Fae.

Okay, first of all:

Second of all. . .once again, we are faced with SJM’s convenient Whatever-I-Need-To-Happen-Will-Happen story telling. She claims that Rhys is as different from all the other High Lords as humans are to fae. And despite this, he still gets tricked and overtaken by Amarantha, the exact same as all the rest of them. His powers were ripped away by that spell just the same as all the others. Being the so-called “Most Powerful High Lord in Prythian’s History” didn’t mean anything in that situation. He’s the mOSt POwerfUL HiGH LOrd iN HiSTORy, but was able to be totally overtaken by Amarantha just like everyone else. Looks like that title really should have gone to HER!

Anyway. . .as Rhys feels his powers being ripped away, we are told that in desperation, he “threw the shield around Velaris”, binding it to my friends so that they had to remain or risk that protection collapsing and used the last dregs to tell them mind to mind what was happening and to stay away”.

What a noble sacrifice right??

INCONSISTENCY ALERT: There were ALREADY spells and protections hiding Velaris and there had been for years!!!!!!

The first time I read Rhys’s explanation of this, I was super confused. SJM tells it like he was the one who created Velaris’s shield and protection right there in this moment. That this act was the only thing that kept it hidden and safe from Amarantha. But like. . .this is not the case!!!!

Don’t believe me??

“Did you even think for one moment,” I said, my voice like gravel, “to extend that luck to anywhere else? Anyone else?”

“Other cities,” he said calmly, “are known to the world. Velaris has remained secret beyond the borders of these lands for millenia. Amarantha did not touch it because she did not know it existed. None of her beasts did. No one in the other courts knows of its existence, either.”

“How?”

“Spells and wards and my ruthless, ruthless ancestors, who were willing to do anything to preserve a piece of goodness in our wretched world.”

(ACOMAF, page 144)

The Velaris Wiki page states:

To preserve it, an ancient High Lord kept Velaris a secret, and so did his descendants. There are many spells on the city itself—laid by him, and his heirs, that make those who trade here unable to say anything about the city and possess the skill to convincingly lie in order to keep the origin of their goods and ships, hidden from the rest of the world. Rumor has it that an ancient High Lord doused his blood upon the stones and river to keep that spell eternal.

And then in ACOMAF, we get:

“I used the remainder of my power to shield them all from sight and sound. I had only enough for one city--one place. I chose the one that had been hidden from history already. I chose, and now must live with the consequences of knowing there were more left outside who suffered. But for those here. . .anyone flying or traveling near Velaris would see nothing but barren rock, and if they tried to walk through it, they’d find themselves suddenly deciding otherwise. And because my powers were focused on shielding them all, Feyre, I had very little to use against Amarantha.”

So, which is it?? Did your ancestors shield and protect Velaris or did you??

Do you see the contradictory writing here?

Again, in ACOMAF:

“You are safe here, and safe anywhere in this city, for that matter. Velaris’s walls are well protected and have not been breached in 5,000 years.”

According to what Sarah J Maas herself has written, the city of Velaris already had extensive wards and protection on it for millennia. The city had been a safe haven from the rest of the world and a complete secret for 5,000 years. So I was very confused as to why it was being made out to be that Rhys made this Grand Ultimate Sacrifice to shield the city and its inhabitants from Amarantha, when this was already the case before this. She wouldn't have touched it because she didn’t know about it. . .words from Rhys’s own mouth!!!!

I’m sure in Sarah’s mind, she just needed to make a way for the IC to not come after Rhys and try and help him, so this is what she came up with. Regardless. . .Velaris already had protection on it that did not rely on Cassian, Azriel, Mor, and Amren. You’re saying that with the last shreds of his power, Rhysand undid centuries old ancient blood protection of his ancestors, created an entirely NEW foolproof protection plan, and bound it to the Inner Circle??

I’d also like to point out that Kallias, High Lord of Winter, did essentially the same thing with Viviane and the Winter Court.

And in those last moments, when his power was ripped from him by that spell. . .Kallias had flung out the remnants to warn her. To tell Viviane he loved her. And then he begged her to protect their people.

So she had.

As Mor and my friends had protected Velaris, Viviane had veiled and guarded the small city under her watch, offering safe harbor to those who made it.

(ACOWAR, pages 410-411)

These situations are exact parallels of each other. Kallias and Rhysand couldn’t protect their entire courts, but they were able to throw shields and protections around the one city where their loved ones were. The Winter Court was ravaged by Amarantha’s troops, we know this from the story. But evidently, this one city where Viviane was remained protected. And in this situation, I have infinitely more respect for Kallias than I do for Rhysand.

Rhysand claimed he became Amarantha’s whore in order to keep enemies from looking too closely at who he really was and who he loved. He serviced her in bed and committed atrocious deeds in her name for 50 years. All this, he claimed, to protect Velaris and his loved ones.

So please explain to me how Kallias was able to do the same thing. . .WITHOUT doing Amarantha’s dirty work.

As I said, I know fully well that the Winter Court in general was not spared by Amarantha. We all read about the children who had their minds wiped (conveniently by some OTHER daemati who we never learn about or hear about ever again). It sounds like Amarantha tried her hardest to destroy the Court in general. But remember. . .the Night Court is not exclusively Velaris. If you look at the map of Prythian, the Night Court is huge! It’s the largest of all the Courts. We have no idea what happened to the rest of the Night Court that was outside of Velaris’s protection. Since it’s such a big deal that Velaris is such a whole, untouched city, I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that it probably wasn’t spared any more than the rest of Prythian was. So it stands to reason that both the Night Court and the Winter Court had one city that remained protected while the rest of their Court was destroyed.

Even further than that. . .it is specifically stated that Viviane offered shelter and protection to anyone who made it to that protected city where she was. Kallias begged her to protect their people and she did. It was a city of safe haven for any refugees who could make it there. (Viviane was Prythian’s first High Lady and that’s the tea).

Rhysand KNEW what was happening all throughout Prythian during this time. . .he helped partake in it!!! Did he think to offer the same protection for innocent refugees in Velaris during this time??

We all know the answer.

I’m not saying that Rhys was obligated to do this. In a horrible situation like that, I’m sure many people would enter survival mode and adapt an “every man for himself” mindset. It’s an extremely Slytherin move to make, and I don’t really mean that in a bad way. But at the end of the day, Rhysand prioritized his friend group over every innocent citizen of Prythian.

Kallias and Viviane didn’t do that.

Again, I don’t entirely blame Rhysand for this!! I think a lot of people would have made the same decision!! But just. . .don’t ask me to act like Rhys’s decision was some grand ultimate sacrifice that was more than any other High Lord made. It’s not. SJM, if you want Rhys to be my fave, why are you putting characters in here like K and V who do the more noble and honorable thing??

Kallias didn’t have mind powers where he was able to erase the knowledge of Viviane from every one UTM who knew about her as Rhys did with the Inner Circle. There weren’t already extensive, centuries-old shields and protection guarding the city that she was in. And despite this, he STILL asked her to protect their people, and she kept the city open for refugees who could make it there. AND he remained true to his cause and didn’t do Amarantha’s dirty work for her to “keep people from looking too closely”.

And yet Feyre and everyone else tell us constantly that “no one sacrificed as much” as Rhys. Yeah, no. My respect for Kallias and Viviane is 10000000x greater than Rhysand. Sorry, not sorry.

And this leads me to my next point.

One of the biggest issues I have with Rhys’s time UTM in general, is that his actions are treated by the narrative and the other characters as the MOST sacrificial out of all the High Lords.

As I’ve expressed above, I do not buy this for one second. And I actually find it pretty insulting on behalf of all the other High Lords!!

Rhysand’s choices and actions were entirely self-serving. He did nothing to fight against Amarantha or protect citizens of Prythian in general. It was entirely about his city and his friends. Again, I’m not saying I condemn him for this! It was a horrible situation and this was what he chose to do. People do crazy things for the people they love. But that’s my point. . .it was a CHOICE. He CHOSE to “service” Amarantha. He CHOSE to do her dirty work and commit atrocious deeds in her name. And every choice he made protected no one but the people who were important to HIM. So I’m just not really sure how/why I’m expected to feel the greatest amount of sympathy for HIM, over the other High Lords, many of whom stayed in open rebellion and never aided Amarantha. How easy would it have been for any of the other High Lords to attempt the same thing he did, and pretend to sympathize with Amarantha? Maybe not “servicing” her as Rhys did, but pretending to deflect to her side, doing dirty work for her, in order to attempt to spare their Courts and THEIR loved ones??? Did anyone else do this??? NO.

Rhys says he bows for no one but that isn’t true. He bowed for Amarantha. The other High Lords did not.

The High Lords of Summer, Day, and Winter lost their lives by refusing to submit to Amarantha. (ACOTAR, page 284).

And I’m supposed to have the greatest amount of sympathy for Rhysand??

People talk about how horrible it was for Rhys during those 50 years Under the Mountain. I’m not here to say his life was pleasant. But what I AM here to say is that in comparison to what the other High Lords’ lives were like. . .I find it hard to have MORE sympathy for him than the others.

“If that was what she wanted, then that was what she would get. I made her beg, and scream, and used my lingering powers to make it so good for her that she wanted more. Craved more.”

“For fifty years--whenever I was inside her, I’d think about killing her. She had no idea. None. Because I was so good at my job that she thought I enjoyed it too. So she began to trust me--more than the others. Especially when I proved what I could do to her enemies.”

Rhys is “so good at his job” of killing Amarantha’s enemies (and one assumes that Amarantha’s enemies are, you know, PEOPLE FIGHTING FOR PRYTHIAN AND AGAINST HER OPPRESSION) and so thorough in their sexual acts, that Amarantha begins to trust him. He is allowed certain freedoms that no one else has. He is not trapped for 50 straight years Under the Mountain. In ACOTAR alone, we see him visit the Spring Court three different times. Do you think any of those other High Lords saw daylight even once during those 50 years??

He is clearly allowed to move about as he wants to Under the Mountain. He visits Feyre in her cell several times, seemingly without Amarantha knowing. She is a prisoner of Amarantha, but he’s allowed to do whatever he wants to and with her.

Essentially. . .Rhys lived as a member of Amarantha’s court UTM. He served as her fuck buddy and one of her main attack dogs. To our knowledge he wasn’t tortured, starved, or forced to watch, powerless, as someone or something he loved was dangled over him. High Lords were losing their lives living in open rebellion against Amarantha, while Rhys lived with a level of security that no one else had. I am NOT saying that servicing Amarantha was pleasant for him, obviously it wasn’t. But at the end of the day. . .this was a choice he made. Everyone makes choices and has consequences of those choices. Rhys chose to serve Amarantha in bed and was given a position of power and security that no one else had. The other High Lords chose to openly oppose and resist her and subsequently had to suffer and live in terror with none of the freedom or choices Rhys was given. I honestly fail to see how Rhys’s decision was more valiant than all the rest.

Again, this is NOT me trying to say that Rhys did not suffer at all UTM. I completely acknowledge that he suffered his own type of torment. I just get very sick and tired of him being treated as if he is the Greatest, Most Suffering, and Only Martyr in all of Prythian.

I often say that Sarah writes all of these characters and this entire story in a way that elevates and favors Rhysand, even if in doing so she has people saying and doing things that make absolutely no logical sense. Everything that happens after UTM is a prime example of this.

The fact that the other Courts and High Lords are so quick to trust Rhysand and work so closely with him after the events of UTM is downright ridiculous and makes absolutely no sense. All of them have EVERY reason to be extremely mistrustful, if not openly hostile to him, after what they witnessed for 50 years. I myself do not understand most of his actions during ACOTAR. Let’s dive into all of THAT.

I made a post separately on this, but I’ll still comment on it here. Rhys claims that he “thought” about killing Amarantha the entire time he worked for her. However, he claims:

“I couldn’t use my powers to harm her, and she had shielded herself against physical attacks”.

There’s nothing I hate more than contrived convenient story-telling. To me, this is on the same level as Feyre not being able to have a C-section in ACOSF. We need it to be true, so we’re just going to say it’s true. . .no matter how little sense it makes in this context.

Rhys says that he, the most powerful High Lord ever born, had his power ripped away by Amarantha. On page 520 of ACOMAF he says, “Within a few seconds, my power belonged wholly to Amarantha”.

But does it??? Let’s take a look at all the things Rhys is able to do with his power during his time under Amarantha, without her knowledge or consent:

Uses it to enhance the sexual experience between him and Amarantha, making her beg and scream, and crave him (ACOMAF, page 520)

Broke into the minds of the three fae who cornered Feyre on Calanmai, reshaped their lives, their histories, and then made them confess to Amarantha that they were rebels (ACOMAF, page 523)

“Against my violation, my body straightened, every muscle going taut, my bones straining. Magic, but deeper than that. Power that seized everything inside me and took control: even my blood flowed where he willed it.” (ACOTAR, page 239)

“I couldn’t move. An invisible, talon-tipped hand scraped against my mind. And I knew--one push, one swipe of those mental claws, and who I was would cease to exist.” (ACOTAR, page 239)

Broke into Clare Beddor’s mind when she was captured and took away her pain, told her to scream when she was expected to, then finally slipped into her mind and ended her life (ACOMAF, page 524)

Visits Feyre in her cell UTM and heals her shattered arm completely (where was this power to save her from a C-Section???)

Mentally controls and commands the guards to stay out of Feyre’s cell and not touch her. “If you do, you’re to take your own daggers and gut yourselves. Understood?” Dazed, numb nods, then they blinked and straightened. I hid my trembling. Glamour, mind control--whatever it was he had done, it worked. They beckoned--but didn’t dare touch me. (ACOTAR, page 344)

Enters Feyre’s mind to influence and help her during her second task

Convenient storytelling at its finest. He may not have total control over the full extent of his power, but it is abundantly clear that he definitely has control of some of it! And yet we’re told that Rhys is completely unable to do anything to harm or kill Amarantha, because she holds all his power!! It belonged “wholly to her” as he said! But he’s able to do all of this stuff without her knowledge???

Forget killing her with his power!!! Lysandra killed Arobynn Hamel by slitting his throat in the middle of the night! I’m sorry, I do not find it believable that the Most Powerful High Lord in Prythian’s HISTORY was completely unable to find a way to end this bitch’s life in 50 years, ESPECIALLY when it’s explicitly stated that she allows him certain freedoms and he does things without her knowledge. I just don’t!!!!

So if I’M thinking that. . .what do you think the rest of the people UTM were thinking??? Can you see how they might be very suspicious of him??

In addition to this. . .his actions regarding Tamlin, and eventually Feyre, make zero logical sense in the context of their situation. Let’s take a look at THAT mess.

So Rhysand is suffering in this horrible awful torment, having to play Amarantha’s whore and do evil things for her. He hates every minute of it, he grows to hate himself, he claims.

And in this giant mess, there is only ONE road to freedom for not just him, but for everyone. And that’s Tamlin.

“Then she cursed Tamlin. And my other great enemy became the one loophole that might free us all.”

Rhys knows about the curse. He knows the stipulations and what Tamlin must accomplish. He knows that doing so will free them all.

Wouldn't you then think that he would do everything in his power to attempt to aid and assist Tamlin during the course of those 50 years?????

I know he hates Tamlin by that point anyway, due to the rivalry between their families. But, my God. . .would that really matter at this point?? If me and my entire country were stuck in the position Prythian was in, I don’t really think I’d give a shit who our freedom depended on. It could be my greatest mortal enemy and I’m pretty sure I’d still be like Okay Buddy, let’s do this. I wouldn't say I’d LIKE it. But I’d use whoever I could to get me and everyone else out of that situation.

If Rhysand, the Inner Circle, Velaris, and every other High Fae in Prythian’s lives and futures depended on Tamlin getting a human girl to fall in love with him, I would think Rhysand would be doing whatever he possibly could to further this along and make it happen. Don’t try and say that he couldn’t do it because Amarantha would find out. Rhys WAS able to keep secrets from her and do things she didn’t know about (see my big list up there! ^^) Don’t try and say that he wouldn't risk dropping his Bad Guy Mask because it would make people look “too closely” at him and possibly target Velaris and the IC (I would have a million comebacks to that. As I’ve already said, there were ALREADY extensive shields and protections guarding Velaris and had been for years. Rhys had wiped the knowledge of the IC from the minds of everyone who knew about them. And wouldn't the safer, better option for the IC be that the curse was broken??? So if he really wanted to protect them, this was the #1 thing he should be doing!!!!)

When it became clear to us all in ACOMAF that Rhys was not in fact, really a bad guy, the very first thing I immediately wondered was, “If this were the case, why was he not trying to HELP Tamlin all those years???” If that was their one loophole and their one shot at freedom and ending the nightmare they were in, why on EARTH did Rhys spend 50 years bullying, manipulating, and tormenting the ONE PERSON who had a shot at freeing them??!?!?!?

Rhys tells Feyre in Chapter 54 of ACOMAF:

“I didn’t know. That you were with Tamlin. That you were staying at the Spring Court. Amarantha sent me that day after the Summer Solstice because I’d been so successful on Calanmai. I was prepared to mock him, maybe pick a fight.”

Again, do not tell me that Rhys was a slave to Amarantha so there wasn’t anything he could do. That is NONSENSE. After Calanmai he crafts an entire fabricated story to tell her and brings people he’s mind manipulated into validating what he’s saying.

Instead of offering Tamlin support, or at the very least, leaving him alone, he chooses to terrorize him and his people. He leaves severed heads on the manor house grounds, taunts Tamlin about the curse, and taunts Lucien about his mother and his dead lover. Listen to what he says to Tamlin and Lucien, before he knows Feyre is there:

“What a pity that you must endure the brunt of it, Tamlin--and an even greater pity that you’re so resigned to your fate. You might be stubborn, but this is pathetic.”

“Little Lucien. You certainly gave them something to talk about when you switched to Spring. Such a sad thing, to see your lovely mother in perpetual mourning over losing you.”

“She’s already preparing for you. Given your current state, I think I can safely report that you’ve already been broken and will reconsider her offer.”

This is flat out disgusting behavior. This is the man you want me to have sympathy for, to view as the “better man”. Tamlin and Lucien were even greater victims at this point than Rhys was himself. They were running out of time after desperately fighting a losing battle, with the entire weight of Prythian on their shoulders. Rhys’s actions do not make sense. He is digging his own grave by behaving this way. If he wanted himself and everyone to be free so badly, I’m really not sure why he’s going out of his way to mock Tamlin, make his life difficult, and taunt him about not breaking the curse.

But things don’t stop there! They get even MORE illogical when Feyre enters the picture!!

So once Rhys discovers Feyre’s presence, he immediately picks up on the emotional connection between her and Tamlin. In this situation, I would expect his first reaction to be glee. He didn’t know who Feyre was at that point, other than a girl he’d been dreaming about (and he later reveals that he first believed these dreams meant that she would be the one to save them all). Did anyone really expect Tamlin to break that curse?? Did anyone really expect him to find a human girl with hate in her heart for the Fae and have her fall in love with him?? I don’t think for a minute Amarantha actually believed there was even the slightest chance of this happening, just like she didn’t really believe Feyre had any chance of winning all three of her trials. It’s a mind game, nothing more. But here Tamlin is, on the very brink of meeting the very specific standards set by Amarantha.

But what does Rhys do? Amp up the dramatics to scare Tamlin into sending Feyre back across the wall, therefore ensuring that the curse will never be broken.

His reasoning, he tells us in ACOMAF, is:

“I made Tamlin beg--as Amarantha had made me beg, to show him how powerless he was to save you. And I prayed my performance was enough to get him to send you away. Back to the human realm, away from Amarantha. Because she was going to find you. If you broke that curse, she was going to find you and kill you.”

Um. . .if Feyre breaks the curse, that means that Tamlin gets his powers back. If Tamlin gets his powers back, Amarantha is dead. If Tamlin didn’t do it, certainly one of the other High Lords would have. If you’ll recall, Feyre DOES break the curse and when that happens, Amarantha is dead in literally seconds. Her power isn’t brute strength, it’s trickery. She is no match for Tamlin whatsoever. She literally backs away in fear and pleads for her life. It’s not even a close competition!!! She doesn’t get a single scratch on him!

Now, I will fully admit. . .this was also something I always found kind of dumb on Tamlin’s part as well. It’s seen as this grand act of love that he sends her away and puts her safety before all of Prythian’s but I’ve always been like. . .dude. You were literally A DAY away from getting out of this thing. Tamlin, as a High Lord with his full power returned, really couldn’t shield and protect Feyre in the time it would take him to kill Amarantha? Yes, he wouldn't be able to properly protect her under their current circumstances without any of his real power, but that was the whole point of the curse. . .if Feyre told Tamlin she loved him and meant it, his power would be returned. The way in which he would be able to protect her would not be the same. You’d think at the point they were at, both Tamlin AND Rhysand would be bouncing around like the singing candlestick and clock from Beauty and the Beast trying to woo a confession out of Feyre. Kallias was able to shield Viviane for 50 years while his Court was under direct attack, I have to believe Tamlin could shield Feyre for the very short time it would take him, or any other High Lord, to end Amarantha.

Rhys later says:

“If there was a shot of freeing us from Amarantha, you were it. I thought. . .I thought the Cauldron had been sending me these dreams to tell me that you would be the one to save us. Save my people.”

So. . .if this were the case, wouldn't it make more sense to just get a happy little “I love you” out of her before the 50 years were up? Tamlin and the High Lord’s powers would return and Amarantha would be “bloody ribbons”, as SJM likes to say, in seconds. Which is exactly what happened. All the struggle and strife of her trials UTM totally avoided!!

What I’m essentially trying to say here is that most of Rhys’s actions during this time were in direct contradiction to what he claimed he really wanted. If Tamlin was Prythian’s only shot at freedom for all those years, you’d think he would be trying to secretly aid him in some way, or at the very least, not go out of his way to torment him. If Feyre was in Tamlin’s house, clearly in love with him, and the Curse was expiring in one day, you’d think he’d go back to Amarantha and be like “Nope, sorry, nothing to report” and pray the two of them would get it together for the sake of Prythian.

Essentially, what I’m trying to say here is that I struggle to have a ton of sympathy for Rhys during this time because I feel as if the explanations that are given for his behavior and actions are flimsy and don’t hold up against most arguments. He felt as if he HAD to become Amarantha’s lover and lapdog in order to keep her from figuring things out about his friends and trying to hurt them. . .who were concealed in a city that hadn’t been breached for 5,000 years and the knowledge of them had been wiped from every person who knew them UTM. He “couldn’t” kill or hurt Amarantha because his power belonged “wholly” to her. . .but he was able to use his powers in ways that worked against her without her knowledge or consent about tons of other things. He was so tormented and miserable in his time UTM that he. . .mocked and tormented the one person who had a shot at freeing them all. When he saw that Tamlin was right on the brink of actually breaking the curse he. . .manipulated him into ensuring that it would never be broken. All the while being surrounded by other leaders who did not have the luxury of shielding their loved ones in an anciently protected city, who worked to help all innocent citizens of Prythian, and who were losing their lives over their refusal to submit to an evil tyrant. I have a vastly larger degree of sympathy and respect for these other High Lords than I do with Rhysand. I find Rhys to be either very self-serving, or doing things that seem to directly contradict what he claims he wants. I do not blame any of the High Lords for being wary and mistrustful of him after UTM--it makes perfect sense that they would (but that’s a topic for another section of this rant!). This is a prime example of SJM self-sacrificing through her writing. I can guarantee you I wouldn't feel as strongly about this as I do after hearing it beaten into my head over and over what a noble, selfless, honorable hero Rhys was during this time. I’m sorry, it doesn’t add up to me. Too many holes, too many contradictions. Which, unfortunately, is pretty standard fare when it comes to Rhys.

Remember, this was only Part 1!! Part 2--Why Rhys is actually a terrible High Lord--coming soon!

#acotar critical #sjm critical #anti rhysand #tamlin #kallias #viviane #amarantha

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defectivefanboy · 1 year

Note

Hey there! I’ve read a few of your posts now and I truly enjoy your writing, you’re very good at it ^^

I was wondering if I could request an Alastor x gender neutral reader who is similar to Beetlejuice (personality and power wise). Like, how did he feel about them at first? And how did it progress into more of a relationship.

If not, that’s completely alright! I hope you have a great rest of your day <3

~ 🕷️🕸️

yessir!! this is actually the first time (and second for good measure) that I watched Beetlejuice fully through.

Overall notes: Stories written on this blog are GN until specified. While this story uses they/them pronouns, and I don't mind female readers on my blog, I do not write for y'all, and if you are a fetishizer fuck off????????????????? ew.

C/W: Cursing, Mentions of Pervertedness, its Beetlejuice, You're canonical Jesus Christ /j, or am I?, Dark humor, Possessive Alastor, Mentions of Bite marks, Dirt ball reader, just reader being gross here and there, nothing too much, youre Beetlejuice, reader has universal rizz

Notes: If you read the C/W warnings it was real late leave me alone. you'll understand when you get there. writing this my mind kept straying and just wanted to write Alastor love because god holy fuck I love him. Im an actual slut for domestic alastor I could write him all day.

The Radio Show...

Oh he's truly interested in you. Not remotely romantic or even platonically, but he is interested (at least at first)

Lets be real quick, he knows hes in hell, but what IN the hell is he looking at.

And what was that outfit you were wearing??? Did you just get out of prison prom???

But your first meeting with him was... interesting to say the least

But then again I think all your interactions are interesting (always more, never less)

But damn. He just had to think the 'sinner' was new to hell and could easily get a quick bite

Poor Alastor really thought the 'sinner' that looked around hell like a lost child as he strolled up with his uncanny smile

Last thing he expected was a jumpy, sporadic, and unfortunately a bit more then a little bit of a pervert.

The record stopped more than a few time at your comments–- Sorry Alastor.

And it had only been a few minutes of meeting you (rip)

And to be honest with you. come here. little closer

He did not know what in all of hell you were trying to pitch to him

He couldn't even get a word in with how fast you talked

And how many voices you did, you basically had a conversation to yourself.

"Ghost can't even scare humans away anymore, pfft. Can't you believe that shit. The last jack offs wouldn't even call me, I had to get some human girl to do it. Is it weird it happened twice? Second time her mom was dead! Gets funnier each time."

Oh?

Humans?

Now you have his interest

And you were able to travel to the human world

"So you're a hell born demon then, correct?" Alastor asked quirking a brow at the questionable individual in front of him, who quickly stopped talking to, well, themselves and snapped their head to him. They seemed to had just gotten here... or gotten back, as their clothes were slightly tussled and their hair was flying everywhere

With a quick dusting of your clothes you straightened your posture. Clearing your throat you spoke in a flat monotone voice. "Well, no actually, uhm, I was born in a manger inside of a barn, my mother, was a virgin and my step father Jospeh was a real piece of work let me tell you that. Died for your sins, y'know, should be thanking me."

This is the first time the radio show had gone radio silent... before he walked away.

Alastor had met a lot of demons, probably killed even more.

Hell he has even put up with that horny spider, but this was the first time he had to take a breather from another sinner? demon? enigma?

But damn it all to hell, he was curious

He had been for so long and he had only interacted with lower hellborn demons.

The occasional Goetia or hell royal would make a public appearance, but that that was all.

Never had he interacted with someone who went from hell to the human world on the daily

The first few meetings he truly tried to keep his distance, keyword tried

But you can only keep a person who teleports around at a distance for some long

Though it to end in you being pushed back by his microphone when you got a bit too close on accident more often then not

But overall he enjoys each of your meetings, enjoy being used loosely

He was more interested in the ever changing world of humans

You only get as knowledgeable of the new world as it comes in, but you have to find them

So having a way to always keep updated he truly enjoyed.

He kinda saw you as, well, while he would say a mole, as you get him information

Not that you honestly realize, you kinda just talk about random shit

He sees you as well, as uh, ahem...

"Quite the squirrelly fellow you are, aren't you?" He quipped with a smile on his face. The both of you walking along one of the many roads of hell as you talked about your latest excursion to the human world. Giving him a confused look you gave him a side eye a you spoke. "Now, what do you mean by that, hm? I don't storage tree nuts in my cheeks, I storage metal nuts in them." Taking your hand you drug into your cheek and pulled out a rusted nut before offering it to him. In which he squatted away with his microphone.

"No."

Alastor in or out of a relationship now seems like the calm one out of the pair whenever you two are together

And he always has a tilt to his head whenever he's with you as if he's always curious about your next move (well bc he honestly is)

Getting into a relationship is simple to him, but not to you.

He had to explain a few times (many times) to you that you two were on a date while out. Thank the lord he has more patience then he let's on

Truly he's only patient with you after learning he'll get no where either way

He tried threatening at one point, but it didn't work when you tried getting him to work for you in the human world.

Spoiler alert: that also didn't work

Alastor did tried to ask you out in a traditional way. Taking you to dinner, albeit at a cannibal restaurant, he really didn't know what you ate

He was disgusted when he found out, almost gagged, had to take a moment for himself

But he tried asking you out in a nice, classy, quiet place.

Spoiler again: didnt work

His question when right over your head.

"Go out? Aren't we already out? What we doing then? How more out do you wanna be? Gotta say though, never been to a place this fancy, must got some walking cash, huh? You know we could start a business together I be the brains, face and you can be..." You droned on as your hand flared around as you spoke. Alastor stared at you as static rumbled from his chest, one eye twitching in annoyance. Sighing he shook his head as he stared with a smile. Maybe you didn't understand what he was asking, or maybe you did. To be honest he doesn't know how much you know, but maybe letting you go on about whatever it is you're planning and get a deal out of you.

Nothing big, just a small pact that you two are "partners."

Cheeky Bastard.

He did tell you eventually someday, he's not heartless

Don't mention that it was after he had convinced you to move in his home (or apartment?? he staying at the hotel?? like??)

But it's another story for getting you to take a shower or a bath.

While Alastor isn't a clean freak or anything he much rather keep his house clean and smell free.

Alastor had quite a few sleepiness nights when you decided to sneak into his bed without a shower.

He almost banned you from the house until you agreed to take a shower after 'work'

now onto the good part

While he doesnt enjoy physical touch from anyone, only part taking in it when he's making someone uncomfortable

He settled on the fact you were gonna keep making every effort to get into his personal space

You only found out he enjoyed having you near him when your items from the guest room you had been staying in were now in his room

Be it having a hand placed on the middle of your back or letting you fiddle with his fingers as you talk

He always finds a way to get a touch in on a daily basis

What can he say? he likes to have a hold on what's his

That's another thing

He's a possessive lover, or person in general but ignore that right now

He just doesn't understand

Why do you have so much rizz

Both sinners and hell born demons seem to love you

And he hates it

Loathes it

If we wanted to get Nsfw real quick

He likes to leave bites and marks on you so even humans know where you belong <3

Going back to sfw

On the outside, beyond the walls of his home. He's well, he's Alastor

Cunning, Cruel, and Evil

But inside? .......Hey Siri, can you domestic a deer?

We already know he enjoys cooking, his mothers recipes are always a hit. He does have to convince you to eat something if it's new.

But he's decently domestic within the comfort of his own walls. As domestic as he can be will a feral dog in his home now. At least you're potty trained, right? Right??

He always enjoyed being alone, especially when he needed a break.

But as weird as it was for the first few months

Going to bed alone in a quiet home, everything neat and orderly was always a treat for the

just to wake up to a god awful mess like a hurricane had hit only the inside of the house.

Thankfully he's unable to fully freak out when he feels the weight of a body laying on him.

Arms wrapped securely in place as he moved around trying to view the full scope of the mess.

The look of defeat only rested on his face for a moment before he was pulled down by striped arms.

"What are staring at, red?..." You said half asleep as you pulled on the back up his shirt collar. "it's still too early to worry about the mess. Come back to bed" He gently shook his head in disgust opening his mouth to speak before getting cut off by a strong pull of his shirt. "I was setting up... sandworm traps. Couldn't't let them get my dearest deer." Alastor gave you a questioning look wanting to ask, but knowing better not too.

Sighing he let himself relax back into the comforter and wrap his arms loosely around as you laid right back on top of him. One of his hands softly treaded through your messy hair causing you to sigh and melt into his body. It was a quiet few moments until he had a passing thought.

"Wait... deer with an A, correct? Correct??"

He wasn't getting an answer from you anytime soon...

#foolish writing #request #request open #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor x reader #hazbin alastor #X reader #X gn reader #x male reader #Hazbin hotel x reader #Alastor x gn reader #hazbin hotel x reader

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joesheistyy · 1 year

Text

Bad Day

I’ve had a shit day so I’m writing about it 🫠

——

Nothing could seem to go right today. One thing after another did not go to plan, made a mess, or overall was just shit. You never liked to bring your work life home, but sometimes you just had to let your frustration out.

After getting to work at 8am, you spilled coffee down your cream colored crew neck, not noticing it until hours later. You got scuffs on your new bag, very visible ones at that. Your head hurt, you forgot your lunch and didn’t have time to go get anything…the list goes on and on.

Getting in the car upon work ending, you checked the time to see the clock reading 6:37. An hour and 37 minutes later than you should have been working. A groan escaped your mouth as you hit your head into the headrest of your drivers seat. All you wanted to do was disappear for a few days.

Driving home consisted of stupid traffic and people who didn’t know how to drive. Many close calls when it came to safety. Your usual 15 minute drive became 30 which put you home at a time when you would much rather be already relaxing.

You pulled into the driveway, hitting the garage door sensor to send it open. The battery on your sensor was dead, imagine that. You put your car in park in the driveway, deciding to not even park it in the garage.

You grabbed all your work belongings and headed for the front door. You then realized your keys were buried in your bag, the one with new scuffs on it. Ringing the doorbell was the easiest option, hoping Joe wasn’t busy so he could open the door.

About a minute after standing there, you caved and set your belongings down, deciding to dig for your keys. No Joe in sight.

You opened the door and propped it open so you could drag all your belongings inside. Everything was dropped in the entryway. Shoes flung off, purse on the floor, keys out of sight again.

Stomach growling, you headed to the kitchen to find even the littlest thing to satisfy your longing hunger. You grabbed an orange and peeled it over the sink, letting the peels to sit there to toss later.

As you continued to munch on your orange, footsteps approached from the stairs. Here comes Joe in his good-day having mood. You were not up for any of it.

“Hi honey, how was your day?” He asked cheerfully, just happy to see his girl.

“Shit. I don’t think I’ve ever had a worse day,” you complained.

“What happened?” He asked.

“You don’t even want to know. One thing after another made my day go to shit and far from any sort of recovery,” you stated, heading for the stairs so you could go change.

Joe stayed downstairs and turned on your favorite TV show. Unfortunately, you weren’t in the mood to watch TV.

After putting on comfortable clothes, you went back to the kitchen to make dinner. A simple air fryer meal was calling your name. Mini corn dogs and french fries.

Joe was waiting for your arrival into the living room as you made your dinner. Once everything was cooking, you poured yourself a rather large and questionable amount of wine. When the food finished, you put it on a plastic plate and headed for the living room.

You plopped down onto the armchair, not sitting close to Joe like you normally did. He gave you a glance, but you were focused on your food.

“Baby, talk to me. I know it makes you feel better,” he pried as you kept eating silently.

“Joe, I really don’t wanna talk about it,” you said as you put another mini corn dog into your mouth.

“Come on babe, please?” He begged like a kid in a candy store.

“Joe I said no. I don’t want to think about it, let alone re-live it,” you said sternly as you got up to head for the kitchen. Joe got up and followed.

You put your plate into the sink and turned on the faucet to give it a pre-dishwasher rinse. Joe approached you while you were at the sink. His arms snaked around your waist and that irritated you, you wanted space to breathe after such a bad day.

“Joe get off,” you tried to push his arms off.

“No,” he replied as he buried his head into your neck.

“I said, get off,” you shoved at his arms. He pulled back with a look of astonishment on his face. You never acted like this when you had a bad day. You usually wanted to be comforted, but not today.

Joe didn’t fight back, he only walked off sadly to go back to sitting on the couch. You headed up to the bedroom quietly in hopes that you could get a little alone time.

When you made it up to your shared bedroom, you headed to take off your makeup and lay down. The warm cloth used to take off your makeup cleansed your skin of the day’s stress, and you took a deep breath.

The day finally caught up with you after you got comfortable in bed. Your bedside lamp was on while you laid on your phone trying to watch TikTok. As time passed, you felt a teardrop come out the corner of your eye. You were laying on your side which sent the warm, salty drop to splash on your pillowcase. Once one fell, a few more followed. You didn’t have one specific reason to cry, but the events of the day had kept stacking up.

You continued to watch TikTok through your clouded eyes, but then you heard Joe come into the room. You quickly wiped away your tears, not wanting him to know you were crying.

He took his shirt off and came over to the bed to lay down. You were turned and facing him, and when he saw your face, he could tell you had been crying.

After climbing in bed, he gently took your phone out of your hands and turned it off, then pulled you into his side. You let out a little sniffle as you morphed yourself into your little Joe nest. You had one specific way you would lay with Joe when you were going through anything.

His hand reached down to brush at your scalp and move your hair away from your forehead. He looked down at you with a slight frown, hating when you would cry.

“I’m sorry you’ve had a bad day baby, can I do anything to help?” He asked in a gentle voice.

“Not necessarily. Just don’t leave my side,” you let out a soft giggle followed by a sniffle.

"I won't baby, and we'll make sure tomorrow is a better day for you," he leaned down to kiss the top of your head, resting his chin there afterwards.

You fell asleep on his chest and let the shit day turn to beautiful sleep.

----

I started writing this like two weeks ago and its also not good so im sorry y'all haha

#Joe burrow #Joe burr #Joe sheisty #joe burrow fanfic #joe burrow imagine #joe burrow x y/n #joe burrow fic #joe burrow x reader #nfl #nfl imagine #cincinnati bengals #bengals #benglas quarterback #joe burrow blurb

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basementdoll · 6 months

Text

Spanish Inquisition

Wednesday 13

What does this part-time Murderdoll, chicken lovin’, eyebrow shavin’, horror movie watchin’ dread head have to say for himself when Cardinal Doran asks him your questions and applies the thumbscrews? Read on and find out. Noose of the world: Brother Naki.

Weds: “Right, you must be here to ask me lots of offensive questions?”

Hammer: Usually when we do this we only get questions about how gay are you or how much dick do you love to suck, but this time we’ve only got questions about chickens.

Weds: “Cool! Questions from real fans!”

READ THAT YOU HAD A PET CHICKEN, OMAR. DID YOU JUST GET SICK OF LOOKING AFTER HIM AND EAT HIM?

Pear Black, Via Email

Weds: “No. Unfortunately, not being farmers or anything and not knowing how to take care of chickens, he died. We had a little chicken coop at the side of our guitar amps and our drums. It was the summer, we’d go to practice and leave him and he died of heat exhaustion. So I chopped off his legs and made a little memorial for him by hanging them off my guitar but they got ripped off during one gig. Peace Omar.” [Thumps heart emotively.]

Hammer: What benefits are there to having a chicken instead of a normal pet like a cat?

Weds: “None. The reason I got the chicken was cos when I was a kid people always told me that people like Ozzy Osbourne and Alice Cooper used to bite the heads off chickens live on stage and drink their blood. So for me, I’ve always associated chickens with rock’n’ roll. I never wanted to kill the chicken, I just always wanted it to be there. I'd recommend your readers get a cat instead.”

Hammer: But chickens are good for voodoo rituals as well.

Weds: “And for feathers…”

Hammer: Say if you were going to cook a chicken, what recipe would you use?

Weds: “I’m a big fan of Cajun chicken. I bake chicken pretty much every day of my life, except when I’m on tour because you don’t have access to a stove. You put the chicken in the oven and sprinkle it with salt, pepper and spices and cook it until it isn’t pink in the middle - unless you want to get sick.”

WITH ERIK JOINING NAPOLEON BLOWNAPART, BEN IN NOCTURNE, ACEY IN TRASH LIGHT VISION AND JOEY IN SLIPKNOT, IS THERE ANY HOPE FOR THE MURDERDOLLS GETTING BACK TOGETHER?

Decaying Wench, Hell, Third Door On The Left

Weds: “Well, yeah. There’s always hope. Everybody’s doing their own thing. Joey went back to Slipknot and I started doing this so everybody had to find something to do. I can only speak for myself, because I don’t know what the other guys are doing, but I’m putting 100 per cent into this and it is my number one priority, I’m going to tour this record for as long as I want to. But when the time comes right, everybody feels like doing another Murderdolls record and everybody is on the same page, then yeah, I’ll do it. But there’s no way it’ll happen next year.”

Hammer: How has the material off ‘Transylvania 90210’ been going down?

Weds: “Amazing. I was expecting to get raked across the coals but the kids have been digging it and the reviews from the journalists have been really good as well. People are telling me that it’s much more diverse than the Murderdolls; a lot more like a rollercoaster ride and it’s got many different levels to it.”

HEY TUESDAY, DON’T YOU THINK THAT THE MURDERDOLLS SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY BAD GOFF PORN WEBSITE?

Dan, Chiswick

Weds: “I don’t go to goth porn websites and I don’t think it sounds anything like one. Frankenstein Drag Queen sounds more like a goth porn website.”

Hammer: What are your views on pornography?

Weds: “It happens. I don’t find myself ringing lines or going on websites but if that’s what people do and it makes them happy then more power to them. You won’t be finding me turning up in any porn films by the way. Unlike Fred Durst.”

Hammer: He didn’t come out of that looking well.

Weds: “Fred Durst doesn’t come out of anything looking well.”

SAW YOUR TATTOOS IN METAL HAMMER AND WANTED TO KNOW THE TATTOOIST’S NAME?

Chris, South Africa

Weds: “There was this old guy that I used to go to in my home town of Charlotte, North Carolina but the guy pissed me off and I don’t go to him any more. My new guy is called Mark Evans, who did my stitches which are healing up and he did the new Michael Myers tattoo. I don’t promote my old guy because he was a douchebag.”

Hammer: Did you weep like a six year old girl watching ET when you got them done?

Weds: “No. As I was getting them done I was watching Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure so I was laughing. They hurt though. The ones on the wrists, I think I would have been better just chopping my hands off and sewing them back on: it would have hurt less. It was pretty painful.”

AS THE FUTURE PRESIDENT OF KFC, WHICH DO YOU PREFER: POPCORN CHICKEN OR A FAMILY BUCKET?

Cyhiraeth 13, Via Email

Weds: “Family bucket. Popcorn chicken is different here. In America it is actually just what is left over from the other chicken in the bottom of the tray dumped into a bucket. But also the way you guys cut chicken here is totally different. It baffles me, I don’t know what I’m eating. In America you have a leg, a breast, a thigh and a wing. Over here you have a throat, an ass, an elbow…”

Hammer: We don’t have chicken’s elbows.”

Weds: “What the hell am I eating here? It’s all fucking mixed up, I think I had a throat today!”

Hammer: Just say you developed a food intolerance to chicken what would you do then?

Weds: “I’d eat turkey. I’d just move from one bird to another. And turkey’s better for you.”

Hammer: You should try ostrich. Terminator X, the old DJ from Public Enemy, is now an ostrich farmer in the USA, that’s why he doesn’t go on tour with them because someone’s got to stay home and look after the ostriches.

Weds: “I can’t say that I’ve seen a Kentucky Fried Ostrich restaurant yet but when I do I’ll stop by. I fancy a KFO.”

RECENTLY MY MUMMY BROUGHT HOME A BABY CHICK. AS YOU USED TO HAVE A PET CHICKEN, CAN YOU GIVE ME A FEW TIPS ON HOW TO MAKE IT BE QUIET? ITS TWEETING IS DRIVING ME INSANE.

Eddie, London

Weds: “There’s no way to keep them quiet. Keep them out of the heat. Don’t feed them after midnight. They will actually eat anything you put in front of them. They’ll eat chicken, so give your chicken some KFC and watch it become a cannibal.”

IF YOU COULD REMAKE A HORROR MOVIE AND STAR IN IT, WHAT WOULD IT BE AND WHICH CHARACTER WOULD YOU TAKE?

Charlotte Humphreys, Andover

Weds: “Probably The Abominable Dr Phibes and I would be Dr Phibes because he was the master of revenge and it is my favourite Vincent Price movie. He didn’t really even have to talk to be frightening.”

HEY WEDNESDAY, I WAS WONDERING IF YOU MANAGED TO EAT ONE MILLION PIECES OF FRIED CHICKEN IN 2004 LIKE YOU PREDICTED YOU WOULD?

Storm McCracken, Paraparaumu, New Zealand

Weds: “There’s a good possibility, yeah. I lost count along the way but probably. Not this year though because I turned over a new leaf and now I only eat grilled chicken. I’ve been trying to make sure that I don’t have a heart attack before I’m 30.”

Hammer: Speaking as a bit of a tubby bastard, I was wondering how you stay so slim on such a chicken rich diet?

Weds: “It is basically not eating fried chicken. I went on a diet and I lost 40lbs which shows you how bad it can be.”

COULD A REGULAR PERSON KILL A SHEEP WITH JUST ONE PUNCH TO ITS FACE? I DON’T THINK SO.

Ken B Wild, The Fields

Weds: “Hmmm. It depends on the person. Me? No. I can’t punch a sheep to death but say you’re Tor Johnson from the Ed Wood films, the big guy, he could probably hit a sheep once and break its spine.”

Hammer: I reckon The Thing from The Fantastic Four could waste a sheep.

Weds: “Well, Tor Johnson is probably the closest a human has ever got to being The Thing.

Hammer: What is the biggest creature that you’ve ever killed? Purposefully, that is. Not just forgetting that you’ve left a chicken in a hot room.

Weds: Probably a grasshopper. I don’t hurt animals. When I was a kid I used to do mean stuff but I don’t now. I go out of my way not to hurt stuff.”

DO YOU STILL BELIEVE IN THE EASTER BUNNY?

Goldfinger Rule 502, Via Email

Weds: “Hell yeah! He just came to my house a couple of months ago. He brought my kid a box of candy and $20.”

Hammer: What are your favorite kinds of sweets?

Weds: “I love peanut M&MS. Those things are addictive. I will eat about 10 bags a day if I don’t watch it.”

DEAR WEDNESDAY 13, ARE THINGS STILL TENSE BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR RIVAL THURSDAY 14?

Antibody, Via Email

Weds: “Yeah, we’re still going head to head. One day we’ll meet and slug it out but I will win.”

Hammer: It’s Wednesday the 13th soon, do you do anything out of the ordinary on those days?

Weds: “Not normally but this year we are doing the London show so that should be really remarkable.”

DOES YOUR MOTHER FEEL ASHAMED THAT HER GROWN UP SON FEELS THE NEED TO DRESS LIKE A SPAZZ AND WEAR BAD MAKE-UP?

Eyen, Poshland

Weds: “My mom’s pretty proud of me. She goes out and buys all of the magazines and everything else. She is totally supportive of me and is into what we’re doing.”

WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT BETWEEN A GRIZZLY BEAR AND A SIBERIAN TIGER?

Bobby G, Via Email

Weds: “A grizzly man! You can’t fight a bear! I’ve seen a bear- you can’t fight them.”

Hammer: You saw a bear?

Weds: “On TV. In a zoo. You can’t fight them.”

Hammer: My Chemical Romance got attacked by a moose once. What is the biggest animal you’ve ever been attacked by?

Weds: “I got attacked by a Doberman when I was eight years old. And they can kill you. The dog had cancer and it had this giant tumour on its side and they were going to put it to sleep in a few weeks. But it came up to me while I was on my trampoline and put its legs up and started growling. I was like, ‘Oh shit, what do I do?’ So I decided to try and run down the hill to get home and the dog jumped at me, knocked me down and I ate grass. It never bit me but it stayed right on my ass growling and I just cried all the way home. Which is OK if you’re eight: a Doberman could bite your arm off!”

Hammer: If you say so. Are you nervous about dogs now?

Weds: “I’m not a big dog fan. I like cats and small dogs but big dogs give me the old phobia.”

ISN’T WEDNESDAY A GIRL’S NAME, LIKE THAT BINT OUT OF THE ADDAMS FAMILY? SHOULDN’T YOU BY RIGHTS BE CALLED PUGSLEY 13?

Mr D Monkey, No Fixed Abode

Weds: “Well you know, I don’t have to buy the rights to be named after the day of the week and yeah, I was totally inspired by the character out of The Addams Family, I’ve always admitted that and never tried to hide it. She was always much cooler than Pugsley because he was a little fat guy.”

WHY DON’T YOU HAVE A JASON VOORHEES TATTOO?

War Machine, Via Email

Weds: “It’s in the process. I’m getting Voorhees and Freddie very soon. So gimme some time dude!”

WEDNESDAY, WHY DO YOU SHAVE YOUR EYEBROWS OFF? IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A PLOPHEAD.

He Man, Reading

Weds: “A plophead? A guy with a plop on his head? What is that? If you mean shit head, say shit head. You know, I shave my eyebrows off for one simple reason: my hair is blond. When my eyebrows grow out they are blond, it just doesn’t look good. I don’t have cool eyebrows, so I shave them off. You can hardly see them anyway. I do notice not having them because of the sweat. If you ever see me on stage squinting like this [scrunches up face as if in agony] that means my eyes are burning out of my fucking head.”

#wednesday 13 #metal hammer #my scans #this was so much fun #the idea of wednesday keeping cannibal chickens immediately turns him into a texas chainsaw family member in my head #i need to manifest that either through writing or drawing #the fred durst shit talking is forever hilarious to me #this man fucking hated nu metal with his whole being #and we're not gonna fucking talk about his bound wrists okay we are just NOT gonna fucking talk about that

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doll-elvis · 7 months

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Hi, I have a question and I thought that asking you might qork because you're really good at this but did Elvis ever said anything about crossdressing for Girl Happy? If it made him uncomfortable or if he found it funny or anything?

hello, thank you so much for the ask ꨄ︎ !!

tbh the first time I watched “girl happy” and saw that scene my immediate thought was~ how did y’all convince Elvis to wear that ?

and then my second thought was what would be Elvis’ drag name because he was rocking that dress a little too good

(please share your drag name idea for Elvis if you have one lmaoo)

as for your question I unfortunately couldn’t find anything specific like a comment by Elvis about having to wear a dress for the scene but knowing that he was prideful, especially about his image, I would imagine he likely wasn’t too thrilled about it although probably never voiced any opposition about it either

by that time in his film career he had made so many of the same kinds of pictures, requiring him to do so many humiliating things, that I think he became almost desensitized to the material. He knew he had no choice in what would be asked of him and so he just did the best with what he got

MARTY LACKER: “Elvis was ruined by the Colonel and by Hal Wallis, they didn’t let him develop… About ‘64 or ‘65, Elvis started saying ‘Colonel, I’m tired of doing the same old damn movies’. The turning point was “Girl Happy”, when the script was so lame and the songs, like ‘Do the Clam’ were so obnoxious. When he had to film the scene where he sings ‘Fort Lauderdale Chamber of Commerce’, he went around the whole day ranting”

(excerpt from “Elvis and the Memphis Mafia” by Alanna Nash)

but honestly when thinking of all the things that he had to do for the sake of “comedy” in his films (like the god forsaken yoga scene in easy come, easy go) having to wear a silly little dress seems far more preferable 😭

from what I have read it actually seems like he was far more bothered by having to wear a blond wig in “kissin’ cousins”

(excerpt from “Elvis” by Jerry Hopkins)

idk something that I’ve always admired about Elvis was how he was able to persevere despite everything that was thrown at him, especially during his film career; he was unhappy with the movies he was making, unhappy with the songs he had to sing, unhappy with the costumes, and yet he always showed up to set on time, he always took studying his lines seriously, and he was always willing to do 40 takes or more of those songs just to get them perfect

look at him picking up his script for “double trouble” so that he could start studying it 😭

I will forever be frustrated about how the Colonel completely sabotaged Elvis and his love for acting… we truly got something great in “King Creole” and not only was the film great but Elvis was proud of it and that is what I love about it most of all

and on a random side note please enjoy some photos of Billy Smith, Elvis’ cousin, donning a woman’s blouse and some fake breasts when he acted as Anne Helm’s body double for “follow that dream” bc he also makes a pretty woman 💀

#I’m taking Rusty in a dress over Jodie in a wig #elvis presley #elvisaaronpresley #elvis #elvis history #elvis fans #elvis fandom #elvis movies #girl happy #elvis asks #colonel tom parker

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celestemagnoliathewriter · 3 months

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Ok ok ok so this is something I have pondered for a bit now that I have re-entered the Remadora fandom again for the first time for probably almost 15 years. As you seem to be the de facto keeper of some of the deepest headcanons of this niche topic, I am curious what your take is.

Question: How many people do you think know, at least initially/when it happened, knew Remus left?

Hear me out here. Ok so the book isn’t remotely clear how long he was gone because we only get an update in like Feb/March when Ron returns but the Pottermore bio that he was actually gone for like 3 days, which is still absolutely a dick move, but significantly different than being gone for *months.*

Now, most fics I’ve read at any point have included him *saying* in some form that he’s leaving, either in the form of a letter of sorts, or I do really like TauraNorma’s whole scene in Flying Colours in which it’s an in-person conversation, but beyond dissociated from reality on his part.

But, if I were in her position, I don’t know how much I’d divulge to others? It would certainly be a difficult position. If she did stay with her parents for that period, or after, (I do love Remus saying she’d safe at her parents’ house as if they didn’t literally just get tortured. Bro. Really?) she *does* have some plausible deniability of “he had to go to some Order business” to them to have some shield for her own embarrassment.

Maybe to Molly and Arthur as a “hey if my husband lands at your house or something, wanna shoot me a message?” but past that I’m not 100% sure how I land with others knowing. It seems very possible to me that when Ron is with Billy and Fleur, Ron, while listening to Potterwatch or something, offhandedly asks them if he ever went back to Tonks and them being like sorry wat. And Ron having the unfortunate task of regaling what happened at Grimmauld Place in August. I could definitely see it spreading from there and more of their acquaintances finding out from that discussion but obviously Tonks is like 8 months pregnant and they’ve been living together seemingly the entire time.

Ok I’m sorry this ended up shockingly long. I may not have been entirely sober when furiously typing it out the first time.

Ahhhh what a compelling ask, @millennihilism!

I'm honored you consider me the de facto keeper of the HCs on this, but I'll also be the first to say that there are a LOT of differing opinions on this one because of the lack of canon data.

You're correct that Pottermore says that Remus was only gone about 3 days. We have no idea what circumstances he left Tonks in. Letter? In person? Dashing away in the night without a word? Who knows.

From a close reading of DH, there's no indication of how long Remus was gone. You could say 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, 8 months ... technically all canon compliant if you're not using Pottermore as a source.

That being said, my personal HC is no more than a week, and again, I know that many people would disagree with this assessment of Remus's absence, but I believe it's a shorter absence for many reasons, including an answer to your question of how many people knew that he left her.

Remus is a dick, but he's not *THAT* much of a dick. He's a coward, but he's not *THAT* much of a coward. Remus does have a good bit of kindness in him, and he's brave enough to do the right thing when push comes to shove. Harry literally shoved him. I think that put Remus squarely in his place and shamed him enough to return to Tonks.

Remus's support system is down to almost nothing. He presumably has the following people outside of Tonks: Molly and Arthur, Bill and Fleur. That's it. He thought he had the trio, but that wasn't true, given Harry rebuking him.

We know from Remus that he's been tailed by a Death Eater for three days before he came to Grimmauld Place. If he's been tailed by a Death Eater, where could he have been? Certainly not the Burrow, where they'd find him. Certainly not Shell Cottage, as it's under the Fidelius Charm, presumably. So that gives us an idea that if he was tailed by a Death Eater for three days (curiously, the amount of time Pottermore tells us he was gone for), and just now got to GP to talk to the trio, he's been on the go for three days by the time he gets to the trio.

Because there is nowhere to go for Remus, that puts him in an awkward position. I don't think that anyone outside the Tonkses knew he left her. I think that Remus left, and Tonks vacillated between being sure he was coming back and being really terrified and scared that something would happen to him. Oh, and anger. Lots of righteous anger. I can imagine she told her parents by way of explaining that she was living with them now. It's possible she told him he was on a mission, but they didn't believe her.

Because of the 3 day ordeal of being tailed by a Death Eater, this is why I do NOT think that Remus went to the Burrow or Shell Cottage before he came to GP, or after, for that matter. While we know that Remus knows about Shell Cottage - when he announces Teddy's birth in the spring - we don't know when that information was given to him. I don't think Lupin could've been gone for months and months because we do know that Ron was at Shell Cottage, and he didn't mention Lupin being there. It's possible Lupin went to Shell Cottage for a few weeks, but I'm also not buying that for other reasons.

Bill is the most lenient and understanding of the brothers, but there's a huge difference to me between Ron leaving his friends when times got tough and Lupin leaving his pregnant wife in the middle of a war. Plus, think of Fleur. Do you really think Fleur would be okay with Lupin crashing at her house to avoid his responsibilities? She gushes about how brave her husband is in the hospital wing scene. She'd look at Lupin like the tiniest and most miserable snail in the world if he dared use her home as a hiding place from his wife.

I also don't think that Bill and Fleur would be on Remus's side over Tonks. Bill was two years ahead of Tonks in school. Bill might have kinship with Remus after being attacked by Fenrir Greenback, but that kinship, IMO, is not going to be enough to defend Lupin's actions on leaving his wife. I also believe Lupin knew this, which is why I staunchly believe that Lupin NEVER went to Shell Cottage in his time away from Tonks.

So at the end of the day, who knew that Lupin left Tonks? Initially, likely only the trio and the Tonkses. Remus returns fairly quickly. I can imagine Ron sharing Lupin's arrival at GP to Bill and Fleur, who probably had shock and disappointment at Lupin's actions. But by then Lupin's back home so it's in the past. I assume Molly and Arthur would've been told through the grapevine, possibly Kingsley too, and everyone just keeps it under wraps because it's Remus having a moment of panic.

And for how long was Remus gone? I take the 3 day to a week position because Lupin had no viable places to stay without endangering other people, which seems to be his number one fear. I also take that timeline because he's being tailed and he knows it. He returns to the safest place, his home with Tonks and her parents, where they can be in hiding (forever furious Ted couldn't have stayed with them?? why did he die??? it makes no earthly sense except to give Teddy Lupin his name and have another orphan raised by his grandmother??)

At the end of the day, I will never ever ever ever buy the idea that Remus was gone for a long time. He does the right thing when push comes to shove, and he was shoved by Harry. He is a coward, but when the time is right, he does the brave thing. He also loves Tonks, and Tonks is forgiving and kind. That's why they work.

I hope this answers your questions!!

#remadora #remus lupin #nymphadora tonks #asks #remus x tonks #send asks #tonks x lupin #remus x nymphadora #lupin x tonks #tonks

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theresattrpgforthat · 4 months

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Found your blog by chance, seems like a very cool concept!

ʕっ• ᴥ • ʔっ🫖🍵

I wonder if you have played Warhammer Fantasy RPG, and if you have any thoughts on it, or who you would recommend it to bonus question, any rules light one session RPGs with ready example scenarios you'd recommend?

Hello there! I do not have any experience with Warhammer in any of its forms, unfortunately. The closes I’ve gotten to experiencing anything Warhammer is the actual play episodes hosted on Fandible. I’ll post links to each of their episodes below.

Only War | Black Crusade | Age of Sigmar | The Black, the Grey & the Skaven | Wrath & Glory

Now, let’s see if I can do anything about the second half of your request!

Theme: Rules-Light Single Sessions.

A Complicated Profession, by Always Checkers Publishing.

A Complicated Profession is a light-hearted sci-fi TTRPG for 3 to 5 players. It's a one-shot that usually lasts a few sessions. What do bounty hunters do when the galaxy no longer needs them? In this game, they start new careers hosting intergalactic cruises!

Reunite your disbanded crew of jaded sidekicks, shabby droids and shady accomplices. Then pick a hosting role and start a new life together.

While it may last a little longer than one session, I’m really excited about A Complicated Profession, as my game group will be playing it in about a month or so! Character creation is something of a fill-it-in mad-libs style process, which I can foresee being pretty quick and easy to set up. The tone of the game is really lighthearted as well, which I think is a great thing to look for when playing one-shots, especially if you’re playing games with folks you don’t know very well. I I don’t know game doesn’t have a predetermined scenario, but the focus of the game itself is pretty narrow, so I think it would be pretty easy to figure out what kinds of obstacles your retired bounty hunters will be up to.

Never & More, by Small Stories.

You are the newest recruits of The Society of Ushers, an occult secret society. Your mission is to prove yourself to your superiors, master the rituals required to move up a rung, and learn how to talk to ravens. Your direct superior and teacher, the Belfry-Devil, has finally deemed you suitable to circulate by yourselves amongst greater society, trusting you to remain faithful to the Ushers in the face of attempted poaching, targeted seduction, and superior parties.

This is a simple example of the kinds of games that exist in the Lasers-and-Feelings family of games, all designed around the concept of two core stats that tell us about your characters’ strengths and weaknesses. Many L&F games come with a few quick steps to create your character, a specific setting or mission, and a series of roll tables to help the GM construct a threat and series of obstacles. If you like rules-light games that are quick to read and occult settings, you might want to check out this game.

For Moria, by Luis Lasbelin.

With the Balrog dead, the hope of retaking Moria is more alive than ever. Thousands of dwarves gather from the great fortresses hidden beneath the mountains with the sole purpose of fighting to reclaim the once great dwarven stronghold.

For Moria uses the Breathless game system for games of terror and tension.

Breathless games are meant to put your characters in heavily dangerous situations, with resources that are guaranteed to run out. Because of this, I think they are a good fit for one-shot games, because there’s always the chance that your character meets some kind of doom. Because this game is about dwarves retaking Moria now that the Balrog is dead, I’d say that the setting does a lot of heavy lifting, assuming your characters are familiar with Tolkien’s Middle Earth. Definitely worth checking out.

Wolf Head, by A.C. Luke.

The King is just. Rather than execute you, he cursed you with the head of a wolf. Instead of death, you were exiled to be hunted for the rest of your days.

But now, the King needs you, or someone like you. There is a great crisis threatening the realm. If you were to solve it, he would remove the curse, pardon you of your crimes. What would you be willing to do for absolution?

WOLF HEAD is a dark fantasy tabletop role-playing game about medieval fable and what you will, and won't, do to be let back into the fold. Players take on the roles of wolves, criminals cursed with a wolf head and banished from society. You have become defined by your crimes—did you commit murder, foment revolution, speak heresy, or love the wrong person? And will what you did help or hinder you in clawing back what they took from you?

Wolf Head looks to have the capacity to be either a one-shot or take place over a large campaign. The game is meant to be zero-prep, which means that you can get a game up and running in no time, and the structure of quests means that you can start a one-shot with a specific quest that ends the session once it’s been accomplished. I don’t own this game, so I’m not sure if it comes with pre-written scenarios, but if it doesn’t, I’m expecting some tools to help you create your own quest pretty quickly.

Escape from Dino Island, by Sam Tung & Sam Roberts.

Escape from Dino Island is a thrilling adventure game about intrepid heroes trapped on an island overrun with creatures from a lost age—dinosaurs!

Players take on the role of everyday people who are brave and competent, but also in over their head. The game is designed to help you create the kind of stories that are full of action and suspense, but in which fighting is rarely a good option. Will you escape with your life? And what kind of person will you become in your quest to survive? There’s only one way to find out…

As a one-shot PbtA game, Escape from Dino Island starts you with a pretty tight premise: you’re trapped on an island populated with dinosaurs. Your characters all have different strengths that can help them get off the island, but one thing you have very little of is time. This is another story-first kind of game, but unlike other PbtA games, which require multiple sessions to tease out all of your character conflicts, Escape from Dino Island is meant to be played in one sitting, which means that any advancements available to your characters are expected to show up before the end of the first session.

Operation: Final Monarch, by poor students.

Operation Final Monarch is a one-page Tabletop RPG for 4-6 players. One player will act as the GM, providing obstacles, portraying passengers, and describing the Watchful Luftrahmer. You play as Infiltrators, spies from the fallen countries around Arstarkan. Your final mission is to kill Aleksander Von Korte.

When situations get risky you gamble with danger and can always push your luck to try to succeed in any situation. Be careful not to roll a 1 though, as a devastating consequence will soon follow. Use can also use your leverage over the passengers of the Watchful Luftrahmer, asking them questions they don’t want to answer or enacting your special abilities. When it all comes crashing down you will have to reveal your secrets to the other players. What do you really think about them? Are you secretly in love or hold a seed of resentment?

I keep an eye on one-page rpgs because they tend to be good candidates for single-session play. With only a few rules and not much room for character advancement, these games focus on giving you the basic premise of the game and the tools you have to play through it. Operation: Final Monarch gives your a very specific goal - assassinate Alexander Von Korte. You’re given a bottle setting to play this in as well - on Alexander’s blimp. I’m really interested in this game because it knows exactly what kind of experience it wants to give you, and it’s succinct and well laid out, which means that learning how to play isn’t that hard at all!

All Hands on Deck, by Alice V.

A gm-less, storytelling, Descended From the Queen game for three to six people about a ship, its crew, and the sea they sail on. It is a game about the relationships between those people, about relying on each other, about being an individual in a team.

I wanted to spotlight a Descended from the Queen game because these games have a very unique mode of gameplay, which makes them really good for one-shot play. These games usually consist of a series of prompts attached to a regular playing card deck. Each turn consists of pulling a card from the deck, and answering the prompt related to it. Descended from the Queen games tend to be rather introspective, focusing on relationships and the ways they can affect our perceptions of events. The scenarios are also tied to each individual game, so in All Hands on Deck, the scenario involves a ships’ crew on a voyage, and the conflicts that may exist between different members due to the relationships they have to the Captain and each-other.

This Ship Is No Mother, by Thomas Manuel.

This Ship Is No Mother is a game about people in space, working jobs that are probably going to get them killed. Inspired by movies like Alien and games like Mothership and Dread, this is for fans of tension, creepy-crawlies, and general horror. Mechanically, it's a card-based Forged in the Dark game, first in the series of games currently called the Cardsharp Sonata.

In this game, players start with a full deck of cards and as you play, that deck will run down. When the deck ends, there is a climactic moment of panic as one of the characters is going to do something stupid and get themselves (and maybe everyone else) killed.

I got a chance to play this game with the creator last year and it really delivered! This Ship Is No Mother was originally designed as a way to run Mothership scenarios using a narrative system, with a time limit built in due to the fact that it uses cards instead of dice. You’ll use cards as resources, and since there’s only so many in the deck, you’ll run out of them one way or another. If you like suspense and alien horror, this is definitely worth checking out.

Games I’ve Recommended in the Past

Koboldly Go, by CoffeeSnake Studios.

Lady Blackbird, by John Harper.

Something is Wrong With the Chickens, by Elliot Davis.

The Great Soul Train Robbery, by Cloven Pine Games.

Faewater, by A Smouldering Lighthouse.

#tabletop games #indie ttrpgs #game recommendations #dnd #asks #one-shot games

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hearthouses · 8 months

Note

hello!! happy wincest wednesday! I'm not great at coming up with questions but-- are there any aspects of wincest or any tropes or angles you've been thinking about recently that are making you go particularly nuts???

This is a good and fun question!

So... I'm kind of an intense nerd who has people pleasing syndrome as well as fun traits like issues with choice paralysis, so picking one of my many many many ideas is very difficult, so in order to keep track of things I am interested for me, I have a document that is called "iddy ideas" which are essentially concepts that speak directly to my id. I'm gonna use the headers as way to answer this because otherwise I will forget something and it'll bug me, so things that live in my psyche re: Winchesters are:

→ DEAN & GENDER: I have a few asks in drafts that need answering about this topic, so I will keep this sort of brief—I am really into how Dean and his relationship to gender, and how the roles he plays in life force him into one box or another. I tend to headcanon him on the nonbinary/genderfluid spectrum, even if he’d never personally identify as either. I love exploring how he often uses toxic masculinity as a shield and how he uses it to cover up the more vulnerable aspects of his desires and identity. As for the Sam/Dean angle, I really love Sam figuring it out and using lingerie kink and feminization kink as a way for Dean to explore in a way that doesn’t completely freak him out. There’s a long fic in my head that I’ve been too nervous to write about this.

→ OMEGAVERSE & PREGNANCY: I have come up with so many ways to get Dean pregnant because I think about this topic so often. I won’t bore you with the list. I am unfortunately a sucker for pregnancy and kid fics as a trope. I don’t often read them because I prefer realism in the sense that the kid has to feel like an actual kid to me and not a symbol of happiness and completeness. For Sam/Dean, I enjoy the fucked up aspects of having a kid with your brother and how they would be so into that because it’s combining themselves into another living being, that they made together, ultimate symbol of their intense incestuous love. I also think Dean very much wants kids, but didn’t think he could have them with Sam, while I think Sam would really only want to have kids with Dean. I have many AUs where it is also the worst possible time for this to happen because I live for the melodrama. I also like post-pregnancy and seeing the kids grow up to be fucked up in their own special and unique ways.

→ DOMESTICITY & DISABILITY: I am simple and sometimes I want to force Sam and Dean to retire and live in a little cabin or cottage in the woods somewhere so they can grow old. Often, I think for the only way that makes sense for them to do so is if one or both were physically incapable of hunting anymore. I love them being forced to slow down and take care of one another. Given their lives, permenent injury is pretty likely and I love exploring the ways in which they'd have to grow and adjust to their new realities. Also, I kind of just want certain ideas presented in canon explored? Like Sam's issues with his sense of reality and hallucinations, or both of them having chronic pain. Plus, there should be more finale AUs where Dean lives, but he has mobility issues now.

→ WINCHESTERS & RAPE RECOVERY: Both Sam and Dean are rape survivors who repeatedly are sexually assaulted throughout the narrative, but they both react so differently to similar traumas and I would like to have this explored since the show wouldn't. Hell trauma also goes under this umbrella. I am fascinated by the ways in which Sam and Dean are mirrors and foils, and would like to explore the interiority of that. I’m also very into concepts and ideas that explore how their respective trauma informs some of their kinks i.e. I think post-s7 Sam especially wants more pain kink and D/s where he submits to get out of his own head and Dean struggling with the dom role due to his trauma from hell where he was put into the position of torturer and rapist, and them having to figure out to make that work without sending Dean into a tailspin.

→ CONSENT ISSUES: I love fuck or die, sex pollen, curses, and all related tropes. I also like "dark" versions of Sam or Dean (Demon!Dean, Soulless!Sam, Shapeshifters, Leviathans, etc.) menacing and putting the other in situations. I will never tire of this.

→ BOY KING SAM & MAGIC: Sam should be able to always have his powers as a treat. He should be able to be a little evil as a treat. Sam should get to go full on witchy as a treat. I love the demon blood arc, I love psychic wonder Sam, I love Sam who puts hex bags in witches mouthes and tells them he learned from the best. I am from the ancient times and watched the season three finale live, so my formative years were shaped by so many Sam becomes The Boy King and rescues Dean from hell fix it fics and AUs, and so it's always a favorite. I am currently writing one that is very slow going, but as a general vibe check I am calling it Sam's Moving Castle and "suiteverse but nice".

→ WEREWOLVES & MONSTER WINCHESTERS: I love werewolves and I want Sam and Dean to be werewolves and be a pack of two. But I'm not picky and would like them to be any sort of monster. I think the show was too scared of upsetting the status quo and permanently transforming them into monsters, which is a shame, but now it is now my hyperfixation when it comes to fic for them.

#rontology #applecrumbledore #wincest #sam x dean #replies!#wincest wednesday

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idrellegames · 9 months

Note

This isn’t a question as much as it is an agreement with your last ask (talking about how romance is both looked for and expected from IFs). I’m personally pansexual and love a good harem, but it is growing more and more evident that that is what readers/players are expecting from our stories/games. Maybe it’s a maturity issue with the fans begging for more romance options and the anger when a plot point doesn’t play out the way they want; but you also see that with grown adults in other fandoms—namely Star Wars or A Song of Ice and Fire.

I enjoy writing romance and I do write it, but that is not the only thing my stories are about. It gives me anxiety when my readers expect more than what I’ve promised. And I always gaslight myself into thinking that I should be giving them what exactly they want instead of writing for myself.

I suppose I do have a question: how do you maintain fan expectations in your IF and stay true to your vision with/without worrying about their opinions? <3

Unfortunately, there is no way to stop your audience from having expectations that don't match up with the story you want to tell or where you want to take your characters. This is a normal part of writing fiction--everyone is going to have an opinion, everyone is going to want different things, and some people are going to be disappointed when you don't follow through with the thing they imagined in their head.

And, as an author, it can be a lot to handle.

Managing feedback--whether it's criticism, wildly off the charts expectations and assumptions, hate messages, or actual constructive critique--is a skill. It takes time to learn how to manage it without feeling like you're attacked and need to go on the defensive. It can also be really hard not to sit with all of this feedback and want to change your whole story to fit your audience's demands.

There's no easy way to get used to this. I think a good starting place is to have a dedicated beta group--either your playtesters, an editor, a few trusted friends with whom you share in-development things--so you can get genuine feedback before you put it into the public eye. It's really easy for writers to isolate themselves because it's a one-person job, but you need to have people with whom you can safely share the unpublished stages. Once something gets published, it's a free-for-all and you can't control how people react to your work, positive or negative. You cannot rely on that for the kind of feedback you would get from a beta group.

Furthermore, you are not writing for one person, regardless of how many times they ask (if they want something personalized, they can commission you). A lesson that was stressed to me in grad school is how fragile a playwright's new work can be when it is in the workshop/staged reading stage. People are giving you their opinion constantly. You make changes, you make edits, you come back one day with a whole new draft of Act 2 and the actors have to adjust. It's really easy to want to make changes to the characters so they better suit the actors originating them. Sometimes actors make demands because they had an idea about the character they are playing and they were really excited about it and they come to you with questions. The fate of a play is that it will be performed multiple times by many actors, not just the first one.

My supervisor told me: "Don't write the role for the actor--their job is to play the character you wrote, not the other way around."

And I think this can be applied to IF. Be clear about the direction of your game from the beginning. If players want something that isn't part of your vision, it's OK for them to voice that--but they may also have to accept that this isn't the type of game for what they want.

At the end of the day, you need to let your audience have their opinions on your work. That doesn't mean you're obligated to listen to them.

#wayfarer #wayfarer if #interactive fiction #answered

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lionlena · 1 year

Text

We don’t love each other (PedroPascalxreader) angst! Part III

Summary: You and Pedro are: friends with benefits, for many years. Your layout is simple and clear. You don't love each other. You're friends on a daily basis, you take care of each other... Sometimes you sleep together. You go on dates with other men and Pedro doesn't mind. Everything is simple until you accidentally hear Oscar say that Pedro loves you. Then you decide to tell him the truth and you ruin everything.

Warnings: angst!!! smut, mentions of sex, friends with benefits, sad, broken hearts, age difference (reader is 15 years younger than Pedro)

Part III

You were sitting on his lap, facing him. His lips trailed kisses down your neck as your hands roamed his back. You felt his muscles move under your hands.

"Pedro," you moaned.

He pulled away for a moment to look at you and you were lost in his brown eyes. You wanted to kiss him so much...

You woke up with a gasp. You wiped your face with your hand and looked to the side at the sleeping Tyler. The dreams about Pedro started coming two days after you moved in with Tyler.

You thought it would be a good idea. You've always complained about the rent in your old apartment. You also naively thought that it would make it easier for you to forget about Pedro. Nothing of that. You told yourself it was because "Pascal" name had been flooding the internet lately. Twitter, YouTube, Tumblr... All you had to do was go to Google news and of course you saw the smiling face of the man who made your heart break. That's why you almost stopped using your phone. It was causing you too much pain. You decided it was time to take care of yourself. If Pedro could move forward, so could you. You went back to your old hobby, read more books, cooked for Tyler.

Despite your efforts, your mind kept returning stubbornly to Pedro.

You knew you wouldn't be able to sleep anyway so you got up and went to the bathroom. You splashed cold water on your face and stared at your reflection.

You looked terrible. Puffy eyes, pale skin and disheveled hair. You even noticed a few gray hairs. Only two or three, but it made you realize that you were no longer a silly twenty-year-old running to college parties.

And of course, the question must have popped into your head:

What would happen if you meet Pedro for the first time, now? Now, when his fame reached the tops of the Alps.

He probably wouldn't even remember your name.

Your mind instantly recalled your first meeting.

You went out with your best friend for a drink, well, years later you wouldn't call her the best. While she found herself a one-night stand, you were left alone. You didn't mind. You weren't a little kid and you knew how to get back to your apartment. Unfortunately, that night you must have been stuck with two filthy dudes who didn't understand the word "no." You knew one of them from college, but it didn't matter. They were pushy and didn't want to leave you. You left the bar and they started walking with you.

"Let's go have another drink."

"No," you snapped.

"Don't be like that." One of them grabbed your arm. "Can't you be more funny?"

You tried to brush his hand off your body, but he was relentless.

"Listen you..."

Suddenly, a thin, tall, dark-haired man walked up to you.

"Honey, here you are! I've been looking everywhere for you, sorry I'm late!" The man put his arm around you and kissed your head whispering. "I'll help you."

Your unwanted suitors immediately moved away, but they were still keeping a close eye on you. So you wrapped your arms around the stranger's waist and smiled.

"Never mind. The important thing is that you're finally here."

For a few more minutes, you both walked hugging. And you felt so safe with his arm around you. It was funny. After all, he could be some kind of pervert, a serial killer... And yet, as soon as, you looked into his brown eyes, you really trusted him.

When you two were far enough away, he looked back and let you go. You stopped and finally had a chance to get a better look at him. He was really handsome. He had fine stubble on his face, a dark mustache under his nose, and his hair was adorably disheveled.

"Okay. They're gone."

You felt relief flood you.

"Thank you, I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't come."

When he smiled at you, your legs softened.

"I'm Pedro."

"Y/N."

You held out your hand to him and he shook it gently.

"Y/N, maybe I'll walk you home? This isn't the safest neighborhood."

Your name sounded like a song on his lips. You nodded.

"Unless you have other plans. Normally I wouldn't go back alone, but my friend stood me up."

"Sure. It's not a problem."

And just like that, you started talking about everything. At one point you asked:

"So, Pedro, what do you do?"

"I'm an actor."

"Oh, seriously! Where can I see you?"

"Soon, I will be appearing in the fourth season of Game of Thrones."

"No balls... Oh no! Really?! God, it's such awesome ."

Your enthusiasm clearly made him laugh.

"You're so funny."

"Oh, those two wouldn't agree with you.”

"Fuck them. Two horny assholes."

When you were standing in front of your apartment, Pedro said:

"Take my phone number and call me next time you're going to a party. I don't abandon my friends."

And it was so simple. You made friends with Pedro Pascal. Hollywood's rising star. And as they say: the rest is history.

You left the bathroom with a heavy heart. It was still early in the morning and you didn't want to make too much noise. You went to the guest room, where there were still several boxes of your things. You grabbed one of them with your old clothes in it. You started unpacking them and then you noticed a lace lingerie set between the sweatshirts. You remembered him perfectly. Your mind immediately flooded your head with memories.

It was past midnight when you rang the doorbell. You didn't mind the late hour. You knew Pedro was preparing for a new role and would be practicing late. Even if he was sleeping, he would welcome you with open arms.

After a while the door opened and you saw him. He smiled, though he looked surprised.

"Y/N. You said you had a date."

You waved your hand and walked inside without waiting for an invitation.

"He was a complete asshole. He told me from the beginning that I was too short and that I should wear taller shoes for the next date." You sat down on the couch, dropping an empty pizza wrapper off of it. "Idiot, there will be no second date."

"Hmm... Actually, he was a dick." Pedro said.

You snorted and started looking around. Pedro's living room was a bit messy. Nothing out of the ordinary, but still. Pedro himself was wearing a stained T-shirt and sweatpants.

"Is that ketchup or blood?"

"Ketchup" he muttered and sat down next to you. "I'd clean it up if you called."

You looked at him carefully. You didn't know why, but you felt something was wrong with him. You reached out your hand to him and caressed his cheek.

"Did everything's all right?"

"Yeah... It's just one of those lazy days, you know."

"Hmm, okay." You tilted your head back. "I hate dates like this. Look at me. I'm so dressed up."

"It's true. You look like a princess in that dress."

You laughed and looked at him. You knew that twinkle in his eyes. He was hungry. Well, you wanted a little snack too. You expected your evening to end differently, and yet you were on Pedro's couch.

You sat up straight and looked at the pile of papers on the table.

"Any interesting scenes in this Kingsman?" you asked and winked at him.

You still remembered how you two rehearsed scenes for Narcos .

Pedro bit his lip and nodded.

"Actually, there's one. Funny, but... Wait, I'm going to look pathetic in this shirt when I say that."

He jumped off the couch and ran to the bedroom. You actually wanted to yell at him not to bother because you two will be undressing anyway. After a few minutes you got impatient.

"Pedro!!!"

"One sec!"

When he reappeared, he was wearing a fitted navy blue shirt and skinny black jeans.

"Okay, it was worth the wait."

He reached out to you and pulled you to your feet. He guided you to where there was more room and placed his hands on your hips.

"Okay, so I say my line and walk towards you with my arms outstretched and you step back."

"Like I want run away?"

"Hmmm, no. Just, like you want to keep your distance."

"Ok."

Pedro took two steps back and got into his role. He looked you up and down and ran his tongue over his teeth.

“Hello, gorgeous. I'm Jack. What's your name?" He started walking towards you and you took a step back as planned. "How would you like to ride home on a real cowboy? I got ..."

You started laughing and he looked at you reproachfully.

"Y/n."

"I'm sorry, you so hot. And I don't want to move away from you when you say it."

He shook his head and placed his hands on your waist.

"How would you like to ride home on a real cowboy? I got a six pack of cold ones on ice, and my roomie's out all night. So you can scream my name as loud as you need to, sugar!"

"Oh yes!" you moaned as you felt yourself getting wet between your legs.

After a while you were in the bedroom and he helped you take off your dress. He stared at your underwear in awe.

"That prick doesn't know what he's lost... Well, I'll take advantage."

You started to unbutton his shirt and pushed him onto the bed. You straddled him and his hands cupped your breasts. You leaned in and kissed him on the shoulder. You'd prefer his lips, but your arrangement had a few rules. One of them was: we don't kiss during sex.

Kisses on the lips were reserved for romantic relationships, and you were friends with benefits.

You felt his finger slip under your panties and strokes your clit. You moaned and started wriggle.You felt his cock start to swell. You unzipped his fly and he gasped in relief.

You slid off him to help him take off his pants and he unhooked your bra. You've done it many times. You knew each other's bodies, you knew what pleased the other person. It was the dance of your bodies in which you were specialists.

Later, when you were lying in bed together, Pedro pulled you close and hugged you tightly. You felt his chest pressing against your back. He buried his nose in your hair and sighed.

You had some weird feeling that something was wrong, but you were so sleepy. You patted his shoulder and asked sleepily:

"Are you sure everything's okay?"

"Yes, Cupcake ." He kissed you on the head. "Sleep."

When you woke up in the morning, you were alone in bed. There was a T-shirt and shorts on the mattress that Pedro had left for you, so you wouldn't have to wear a dress in the morning. You went to the bathroom, took a shower and brushed your teeth with your toothbrush. Yes, you had your toothbrush in Pedro's bathroom. It didn't seem strange to you. You stayed with him so often that it seemed natural to you.

As you walked through the living room, you noticed it was cleaned. Walking into the kitchen you smiled at Pedro and hugged him.

"Hi." He returned your hug. "Did you sleep well?"

You sat down in a chair by the kitchen island and nodded. Pedro placed a cup of coffee in front of you.

"Do you want scrambled eggs or toast?"

"Toast". You took a sip of coffee. "I'll eat and call a taxi."

Pedro immediately reacted with opposition.

"No. You're off today. Stay longer."

"Pedro, sweetie, you should be preparing for the role."

"And? You don't bother me. In fact, your presence calms me down."

You couldn't say no when he looked at you with those puppy eyes.

"Okay. But you'll drive me home tonight."

"Everything for you."

You snapped out of the memory and shoved your underwear to the bottom of the box. You pulled out your phone feeling the sudden urge to watch that particular Kingsman scene . It was funny maybe. Maybe a bit pathetic. But you needed it so much.

However, when you unlocked your phone, you noticed that you had a missed text message sent the previous day. From Oscar.

"Y/N. Call me. We need to meet and talk."

You froze. What could he want from you? There was a times when you two got along. But, you always felt like Oscar was keeping you on a distance. Now he suddenly wanted to talk. You guessed what was the reason. Or rather, who.

Common sense told you that you should text him back, "Fuck off."

You'll never start a normal life if you keep going back to Pedro, but... Instead, you wrote back to Oscar where and what time you could meet.

Are you really here or am I dreaming?

I can't tell dreams from truth

For it's been so long since

I have seen you

I can hardly remember your face anymore

When I get really lonely and the distance causes only silence

I think of you smiling

With pride in your eyes

A lover that sighs

Marketa Irglova - If You Want Me

Part I

Part II

Part IV

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #the game of thrones #narcos #kingsman golden circle #agent whiskey #angst #misunderstanding #sadness

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comfortless · 4 months

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Hey! What were your favorite books/authors growing up and what are they currently if you don't mind me asking? I would love to know where you get your inspo from cause you write so pretty

hello!! ohhh.. i love this question it’s so cute. thank you for the compliment and for asking! 💞 apologies for my rambling heheh

growing up, i was never allowed to read most… popular series because my mother went through an extremely religious phase until i was a teenager. dodged the bullet of succumbing to Harry Potter and the like, so i always found myself in the library reading the most obscure things!

i obsessively read the Deltora Quest books by Emily Rodda most of all. the covers were so sick. i can’t recall which one it happened in, but when the main trio all had their toes chopped off?? i do not think 8 year old me should have been reading that, but i was obsessed with dragons as any other kid should be! it lead me to reading The Inheritance Cycle series by Christopher Paolini, too. anything fantasy that was a bit odd held my attention. The Pricker Boy by Reade Scott Whinnem, The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster, and all of the Moomin books by Tove Jansson were some other favorites!

i also read a lot of fairytales (to the surprise of no one, i’ll bet) and The Mabinogion. i still go back and reread those whenever i can. The White Cat is one of my many favorites!

as an adult i do not get to read much, unfortunately. so, i do sort of feel that my writing is a bit stunted at times. i was combing through a lot of Mercedes Lackey’s stuff for a little while. and recently, i finished The Devil All the Time by Donald Ray Pollock. a coworker gave me Twilight Eyes by Dean Koontz and whereas I do not care for his writing that much… parts of that particular book were really intriguing to me. poetry is nice too, always, but if anyone were to ask me for a list of my favorite poets i think that i would combust <- so many things in my brain and i can not remember most unless i’ve obsessively read over their work 90 times minimum sorry.

but….

i think that most of my inspiration comes from music with lyrics that capture me and long bouts of daydreaming, nowadays. i also like to visit abandoned places or overgrown parks when i need a place to think or just… feel for ambience. my favorite places in the world right now are this huuuge swamp full of alligators with a tiny cemetery that’s at least two hundred years old (like fifteen people have died there in the last decade & i will never be one of them) and a park that houses a supposed werewolf (no matter how many treats i bring it is yet to be seen… pain… but it is dreadfully silent there and a park keeper once told me “watch out!! that thing is big and super ugly!!” which i think is very funny). i would not recommend doing things like that however unless you are of similar stature to me (insert chad meme) or go with a group!! do not get eaten by a giant dogman, please.

in conclusion I am NOT immune to good cover art or the appeal of pretending to be a lil knight in the old wood…

^ syl reveal pt 2

#asks!

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quetzalpapalotl · 1 year

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The only IDW I’ve read is MTMTE/LL, and I want to read more, specifically about Optimus. I only know him from Prime, and there, he’s the Superman-like hero, can do no harm kind of guy; I was hoping to see a different take on him. Where do I start for comics that focus on him?

Hello! So glad to have this question! I looove IDW1 Optimus and it's my interest to spread that, lol. When it comes to IDW1 Optimus, many writers have different takes on him, but John Barber is really the one that defines the character, or at least it is if you're interested in OP because of my blog. So the short answer is to read the exRID and Optimus Prime ongoings.

That being said, MTMTE is a far more self-contained story than the rest of the entries in the continuity. Barber's stuff not only gets a lot of crossovers and side stories, but Barber is known for being continuity-obsessed (same), and his Optimus is very much written as a reconciliation of all the interpretations of the character in the comics, taking even the negative implications others ignored and dealing with them face-on. The reading is definitively enriched by context.... but also I'm not gonna ask you to read all of IDW1 because a lot of those comics are... boring at best tbh, and I understand reading comics just for lore is not everyone's idea of a good time, haha.

So I prepared for you a Optimus-focused reading order for IDW1 with little explanations for each entry. Because Optimus is such an important character, his path crosses with many plotlines, so I tried to make it so you would be able to get a full, mostly-coherent story, while also keeping the focus on him. Just keep the following in mind: I am biased. This skips most, if not all, of phase 1 (comics published from 2005 to 2011) because I personally judged it not worth it in an attempt to lower the number of comics (so many). This also skips all the series and crossovers where Optimus doesn't feature prominently (so none of the Windblade series or things like Revolutionaries) so you will lack context for some stuff but I think you should be able to pull through. Finally, there will be issues of exrid/OP where Optimus doesn't show up, but it's all part of the storyline, and also Barber writes about Optimus not only as a person but as an ideal, his influence speaks even in his abscence.

Stormbringer by Simon Furman

An ancient evil awakes, Optimus deals with it while remembering the events that led to Cybertron dying. Nothing to write home about, you can skip it, but it's a quick read and it will give you a taste of how Furman writes Optimus (I'm skipping everything else by Furman btw), which was a heavy influence on JRo (from Marvel) and Barber. You can skip it if you want.

The Transformers (2009 ongoing) by Mike Costa

This is a big jump, so for context: previously the Decepticons did a full scale invasion of Earth as well as almost wiping out the Autobots thanks to intel from a traitor. Eventually the Autobots managed to come on top and defeat the Decepticons. Now the Autobots are stranded on Earth, humans have a terrible opinion of Cybertronians and Optimus wants to make reparations. This series presents a lot of interesting stuff that Barber will expand on. Unfortunately, Costa was (by his own admission) not invested in writing Transformers and it shows, particulary, he doesn't understand Optimus' appeal enough to make something interesting with it, but it was still an influence on Barber. There is some good stuff, but I'm afraid to bore you before getting to the actual good stuff. So you can skip it or come back to read it later.

Chaos Theory by James Roberts

These are issues #22 and #23 from the Costa ongoing, in case you decide to skip it. This is the one thing in phase 1 that you must read. We get a more complex take on Optimus, a look into his relationship with Megatron and their past. It introduces JRo's not-at-all controversial idea of making Orion Pax a cop (if only there was a writer that would later deal with the implications of that).

Autocracy by Chris Metzen & Flint Dille

A radically different take on Orion from JRo, this series is set in the past and shows us a bitter Orion who sees no good sides anywhere in the events that lead to the fall of Zeta Prime. Look, I like this in retrospective, but I don't think it's good on its own, feels very edgy for edge's sake (I have a lot to say about this, actually). Still a dear friend likes it so maybe you will. Either way, Barber will later write an arc that feels like a direct response to this that's one of my favorite parts of OP's character so it's worth a read at some point.

The Death of Optimus Prime by James Robers & John Barber

A single issue that serves as a prologue for the sister ongoings. after using the matrix to save the day at the end of Costa's ongoing, Optimus awakens to a rejuvenated Cybertron. The neutrals come back home and Optimus wonders about his place in peacetime.

Robots in Disguise #1-9 by John Barber Robots in Disguise annual

We see how Bumblebee and co. try to deal with an unstable peace on Cybertron. OP only shows up in issue 6, but since you will eventually have to read all of exRID, may as well read the beginning. Also Arcee shows up, and she will be as important for the themes as Optimus himself, so again, might as well.

More Than Meets the Eye #9-11 by James Roberts More than Meets the Eye #36 Spotlight: Orion Pax

It will do good to revisit Mtmte's Shadowplay arc as we see more of Orion's backstory and his relationship with Senator Shockwave. It may be a long jump, but since we're not focused on Mtmte itself, might as well complete JRo's stuff and read issue #36, where Team Rodimus travels back in time, in that issue we see what Orion is doing after angering Sentinel with no Senator to protect him, now under the guide of Zeta. All of this important for OP's character and for Cybertron's political backstory. Then in Spotlight: Orion Pax, we see Orion working under Zeta-now-Prime and his perspective on current issues.

Monstrosity and Primacy by Chris Metzen & Flint Dille

Following Autocracy, these two series shows us Optimus struggling with his newly-adquired Primacy. Suffer from a lot of the same issues as Autocracy, but in my opinion they're less pointlessly edgy. They don't have as much relevance, however, so you can skip them if it feels like too much.

Robots in Disguise #10-22 by Jonh Barber

We're back to the main series. Again, Orion only shows up in issues #10 and #19, but the same as above applies. Also this will lead up to...

Dark Cybertron by John Barber and James Roberts

A crossover event between the two ongoings, which honestly fits much more better on exRID than it does on Mtmte. It consists of 12 issues, of which #1 and #12 were published on their own, and the rest were published as More than Meets the Eye and Robots in Disguise alternatively, but you can find it all compiled in one volume. Orion has some important moments here, including retaking the name Optimus Prime (but was that really such a good idea?).

Robots in Disguise #28-34 by John Barber

After Dark Cybertron, Barber leaves most of the stuff on Cybertron to Mairghread Scott and takes us back to Earth. Optimus is now at the center on this series and will remain there. Here we start to see his struggles in trying to maintain peace, which will only get more complicated.

The Transformers #35-#38 (2014 ongoing, exRID) by John Barder

This is the same series as Robots in Disguise, expect they reduced the name to just The Transformers to avoid confusion with the comics for the Robots in Disguise 2015 cartoon. That's why we refer to the whole thing as exRID.

Punishment by John Barber

A miniseries where Optimus returns to Cybertron and tries to track down a Decepticon serial killer. Here Barber lays down some themes he will keep revisiting fot the rest of his work. Optimus faces some questions and we see how his self doubt is really taking a toll on him.

This is the first part of the Redemption of the Dinobots trilogy, followed by Redemption and Salvation set later in the continuity. Those two don't feature Optimus and so aren't on this list. However I want to say that they showcase the best of Barber's work when not restrained by editorial mandates, so I do recommend them.

Combiner Wars by John Barber & Mairghread Scott

A crossover similar to Dark Cybertron published across two series, this time between exRID and Windblade. Strascream schemes so Camminus will be indebted to him, Windblade and Optimus use OP's Prime clout to try to diminish his influence (this will surely not become an habit for OP). As questionable as that is, Prowl thinks is not enough and takes matters into his own hands. I think it does a good enough job depiste all the To Sell Toys mandates and either way, it will influence what's to come and we get to see the reason for Prowl and OP falling out

The Transformers #42-#55 (exRID) by John Barber

We continue with the Earth plot. Optimus keeps struggling with peace and makes more questionable decisions. Should he leave Earth alone or is he obligated to protect it? How do you protect that which doesn't want yout help?

Titans Return

A sort of crossover, it opens with a one-shot which is followed by exRID #56-57, and then Mtmte #56-57. For our purposes, you don't have to read the MTMTE chapters, but if you did while on your own MTMTE read you may want to revisit them now with context.

Revolution by John Barber and Cullen Bunn (+others)

Okay, this is where we start with the Hasbroverse crossovers. A six issue series (from 0 to 5) backed up by one shots from every individual series featured. This isn't impossible to follow, but it does drag because it features a buch of characters and plotlines a Transformers-only reader won't care about and the writing isn't great. It does feature some "WTF, Optimus" moments (as in, on purpose), Optimus learns humans are not so defenseless and it is kinda relevant, so you may still want to read it. If you do, make sure to also read the Till All Are One: Revolution one shot (and might as well add the The Transformers one because Thundercraker is in it and he's great, and again, the Mtmte one so you can read it with context this time).

Optimus Prime #1-8 by John Barber

We start phase 3 with an arc that's a favorite of mine. Optimus plays with fire to get Earth to join the Council of Worls for its own good. We also get flashbacks of Orion working under Zeta pre Autocracy and pre Spotlight. Barber recontextualizes Autocracy!Orion, deals with the cop thing in ways JRo didn't dare and explores why me made the choices he did without trying to wash his hands.

Transformers Annual 2017 by John Barber

I don't know why this isn't labeled as an Optimus Prime annual, but whatever, it takes place after issue #8. Optimus and Pyra Magna have talk.

Optimus Prime #9-10 by John Barber

We get what I think is one of the most touching issues followed by learning more about the history of Cybertron.

First Strike by Mairghread Scott and David A. Rodriguez (+others)

More crossover fun! I honestly can't tell you how easy this is to follow without having read Revolutionaries (not featured on this guide). Again it's kinda relevant, some of this is a consequence of Optimus actions, leads to Unicron being awoken, and it does have some key Optimus moments, this time by Scott rather than Barber, if you want to see what she does with him. It has the tie-in comics, Optimus Prime: First Strike and Transformers: First Strike by John Barber (the laters follow the former, despite having different names) which don't feature OP a lot.

Optimus Prime #11-14 by John Barber

We see what Optimus' followers get up to while OP is busy in First Strike and then what follows after that event.

Optimus Prime annual by John Barber

Thundercraker tries to make a movie about Starscream (who is in jail after confessing to all his crimes in the Till All Are One annual), it's great.

Optimus Prime #15-21 by John Barber

Barber starts to pay off things he has been building up since exRID as Unicron approaches.

This is the recommended order for what remains (all by Jonh Barber)

Unicron #0 Optimus Prime #22 Unicron #1-4 Optimus Prime #23-24 Unicron #5-#6 and finally Optimus Prime #25

Unicron is here to make Cybertronians face their legacy. Optimus arc comes to an end. OP #25 is my favorite comic issue. I hope you manage to get there, and if you do, let me know what you think!

I hope this was helpful. If you get confused by lacking context, it may help to check the continuity notes section of whatever issue you just read in TFWiki's page for it. And as always, feel free to as me more questions!

#transformers #optimus prime #idw1 #yeah i think i earned maintagging this time #quetzal rambles tf

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