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lionlena · 19 days

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Remember me… (Oberyn Martellxreader) ANGST - one shot

Warnings: ANGST, really angst, suffering, canon character death, mourning, suicide...

I don't know why I did this to myself...😭🥺🤧

Remember me

The first thing you remember is screaming. But not yours, although apparently you screamed too. That's what Varys told you. Supposedly it was the mournful, piercing cry of a broken heart, but you can't confirm that. Instead of your own screaming, all you heard was ringing in your ears. But not before Oberyn's scream was drilled into your head. A scream full of unimaginable pain and suffering. A scream that haunts you almost every night.

You don't remember much after that. You fainted and everything else became an incoherent blur.

You remember clinging to Oberyn's cold, stiff chest and sobbing. His face was covered with a red cloth and you were tempted to reveal it, even though you knew it was the worst thing you could do to yourself.

Your hand involuntarily grabbed the edge of the fabric and suddenly someone grabbed your wrist. You looked up to see Varys' sad face as he shook his head.

"No…" he said gently. "You don't want to see this."

He was right, so you moved your hand back and grabbed Oberyn's stiff hand. The hand that held the weapon. The hand that gave you pleasure. The hand that wiped your tears, combed your hair… The hand that firmly held the reins of the restless horse you were riding. The hand that could have killed you, but instead gave you life.

"Can I do something for you?"

You heard Varys' gentle voice again and shook your head. There was nothing in this world he could do for you.

"Can you turn back time? Bring the dead back to life?"

Varys just sighed. There was no need to answer your questions.

After a few moments of silence, you spoke again.

"What about Tyrion?"

Varys tilted his head to the side, surprised by your concern for Lannister. But you couldn't help but like this dwarf.

"He waiting in a cell to die…"

You sighed heavily.

"I hope he escapes."

There was a strange gleam in Varys's eyes as he replied:

"Maybe his fate is not yet decided."

You didn't have the strength to ask for details, but you were counting on it. Not only because you liked Tyrion, but you didn't want that bitch Cersei to win. You had pure hatred for her and believed that she was partly responsible for the death of your loved one. *

The journey back to Dorne seemed like a never-ending torture. You saw the same places where you two stayed.

You remembered how Oberyn cared about your comfort all the time. Those evenings by the fire when you sat between his legs and he pulled you to his chest.

"My queen." He whispered into your hair and kissed your neck. "You should sit on the iron throne. You are more beautiful and intelligent than all the women in King's Landing."

You started giggling and shook your head and he started nibbling your neck.

"Don't laugh. I'm telling the truth." *

You didn't remember much about Oberyn's funeral. You heard the others sobbing, but you weren't crying anymore. You had no more tears.

After the funeral, you heard Oberyn's eldest daughters planning revenge, but you didn't care anymore. You were like Doran in that thing, although you had different reasons. The prince wanted to keep the peace at all costs, and you… You simply lost all will to fight. *

Three months after Oberyn's funeral, you decided to leave Dorne and return to your homeland.

You loved Dorne. You loved the warmth, fountains, palm trees, deserts… You loved the freedom that this land gave women.

You remembered Oberyn bringing you to Dorne and laughing merrily at your enthusiasm.

"My desert flower, you look like a child at a toy stand."

The prince grabbed your waist and pulled you towards him. He kissed you passionately and looked at you with shining eyes.

"Are you really that impressed with my home?"

You nodded eagerly and smiled happily.

"Oh yes… I love Dorne!"

Oberyn smiled and kissed your forehead.

"You haven't even seen the half of it yet. Wait until I take you to the royal gardens and…" He leaned in and whispered in your ear. "I will show you my favorite place, where no one eyes can see what I'm doing to you."

His hand went under your dress and he started stroking your thigh. You moaned softly and nodded.

"I never want to leave Dorne."

Oberyn's hand grabbed your buttock.

"Then you have nothing to worry about because I will never let you leave Dorne. It's your home now." *

"I am leaving Dorne… I am returning to my homeland."

The prince shifted uncomfortably in his wheelchair. He had a fondness for you that was surprising even Oberyn in the past.

"You can stay in Dorne."

"Dorne is not my home."

Doran looked at you surprised, even hurt.

"Is anyone here treating you badly?"

"You don't understand me, prince. Dorne is no longer my home, nor any other place in the world. Oberyn was my home. Without him… I have no home."

Doran sighed heavily and looked at you sadly.

"I'm sorry I can't heal your heart."

You gave him a soft smile.

"It's not your fault, prince. There are just too many memories here."

Doran nodded.

"Remember that despite everything, Dorne will always welcome you with open arms." *

Your homeland was nothing like Dorne. Cold sea, steep cliffs, common trees, barren land, and a constantly cloudy sky.

And that was what gave you the slightest bit of relief. Because that's what your soul looked like, cold and inaccessible.

And in this unpleasant place, you found the perfect place to bury your memories of Oberyn. You created your own grave. You dug a hole and into it, you threw Oberyn's robe, which still smelled of him, the scarf he wrapped around you, his necklace, and the ring he gave you. And you planted forget-me-nots on the grave.

They didn't sprout the first year, and neither did the second year. In the third year, leaves appeared but there were no flowers. And you centered your entire life around them. Every day you looked after them and talked to them, asking them to bloom. You didn't care what was happening in Westeros. War, dragons, Stark's bastard… You accepted this information without blinking an eye. Only the news of Doran's death caused some reaction in you. Besides, nothing could break you out of your melancholy…

And finally! You looked at the small blue flowers with emotion. You stroked the green leaves with motherly tenderness. Your friend was surprised at your obsession.

"What's so special about them?"

"They are for Oberyn so that I will always remember him."

Your friend looked at the small flowers skeptically.

"But why forget-me-nots? Wouldn't sunflowers, tulips, or yellow roses go better with Oberyn?"

You shook your head and sat down on the ground.

"No. I know they are small flowers, but if you look closely at them, you will see that their yellow center resembles the sun and the blue petals are like water." You sighed and touched the flowers with your finger. "Like the sun dying in the sea."

Your friend looked at you with concern.

"I'm worried about you. You seem happier lately… since you saw those flowers, but…"

"Everything will be fine." You interrupted her statement. "Everything will be better now."

You looked fondly at the forget-me-nots, your friend just nodded. *

Like the sun dying in the sea.

With this thought in mind, you went to the cliff, holding a bouquet of forget-me-nots in your hands. You stood on the edge, remembering your last conversation.

"I'm begging you, Oberyn… This is not a human, this is some kind of monster… A giant!"

Oberyn smiled at you and brushed the hair away from your worried face.

"He is a very clumsy and slow giant and I will kill him."

His calmness didn't soothe you at all. You were terrified and placed your hands on his chest.

"If you die, I swear I will end my life by jumping off a cliff!"

Oberyn put down his wine glass and looked at you gently. He cupped your face in his hands.

"If I die, plant forget-me-nots for me in the barren land to remember me. If they bloom, then you can jump off a cliff." He rubbed your cheeks with his thumbs. "But that will never happen, because today is not the day I die." *

"But you died…" you whispered, standing over the edge and clutching the forget-me-nots to your chest.

Tears began to flow down your cheeks and you felt a warmth on your back, as if his spirit was hugging you. The wind from the sea blew warm air over your face, drying your tears and brushing your hair away from your face, and you heard a whisper: "I'm sorry…"

Then you took a step forward into the open and waiting arms of your loved one… *

"I'm with you Whenever you tell, my story For I am all I've done Remember, I will still be here As long as you hold me, in your memory Remember me"

Josh Groban - Remember

Pernament tag list: @harriedandharassed

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfiction #oberyn nymeros martell #oberyn martell #prince of dorne #prince oberyn #oberyn martell fanfiction #oberyn x reader #lots of angst #its so sad #send help #i'm not crying you're crying #game of thrones #got #got fanfiction

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lionlena · 20 days

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Remember me… (Oberyn Martellxreader) ANGST (WIP)

"You can stay in Dorne."

"Dorne is not my home."

Doran looked at you surprised, even hurt.

"Is someone treating you badly?"

"You don't understand me, Prince. Dorne is no longer my home, nor any other place in this world. Oberyn was my home. Without him… I have no home."

I'm with you Whenever you tell, my story For I am all I've done Remember, I will still be here As long as you hold me, in your memory Remember me Josh Groban - Remember

Why I'm doing this to myself? 💔 😭

#pedro pascal characters #oberyn nymeros martell #prince of dorne #oberyn martell fanfiction #oberyn martell #oberyn x reader #lots of angst #sad

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lionlena · 21 days

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I Hold You (Oberyn Martellxf!reader) one shot

Summary: Oberyn has a nightmare about his sister's death, which makes him fear that he will lose you too.

Warning: angst, hurt/comfort, canonical death of a character, tragic death, blood, mention of rape…

Title inspired by the song: CLANN - I Hold You

A/N: I am obsessed with thinking, how tragic and terrible was the fate of Elia Martell.

Also, watch this: Robert's Rebellion by Oberyn Martell

Hot air blew across their faces as they ran through the courtyard filled with the Dornish sun. From time to time, the shadow of the palm trees growing along the courtyard fell on them. Her dark hair bounced on her shoulders and her bare feet hit on the ground.

She held his hand tightly. With strength so contrasting to her petite body.

And she laughed. Oh… What a sweet sound that was. Like the nectar they drank for breakfast in the morning.

He didn't resist her as she pulled him towards the fountain. He never resisted her.

Even though she was weaker and so delicate, she was able to capture anyone's heart, especially his. She walked gracefully among the vipers and knew that no one would dare to hurt her. And if someone like that was found, he would make sure that such a fool suffered unimaginable torment.

Oberyn loved her like no one else. His sweet sister. Elia Martell. His friend, confidant of secrets, and comforter. He spent so many long hours with his head on her lap as she ran her hand through his raven hair and explained to him that not everything could be solved by force. And that he can't be mad all the time. She taught him how to read poetry. For her, he began writing poems.

She wasn't just his sister. She was part of him. An integral part of his wild soul. It was like a cozy, cool hole in which an angry desert viper hid when the desert heat was deadly.

When she jumped into the fountain and started splashing water on him, he laughed happily and his dark eyes sparkled. She took a step back so that the water flowing from the marble snake's mouth soaked her head. She waved her hand at him, encouraging him to do the same. He wanted to do it and feel the pleasant coolness of the water. But when he took a step forward, the water flowing down his sister's head turned red. His heart stopped and she looked at him in surprise, as if she hadn't realized that her face was turning red with blood.

She extended her hand towards him. With a heavy heart, the prince took a step closer but stopped when he noticed the bodies of two children floating in the red water. He heard his sister scream as she was now holding her dress covered in blood. She lifted the material up, revealing her thighs covered in slippery goo and blood.

He felt bile rising in his throat and struggled to find his voice.

"Elia," he croaked. "Do not leave me!"

His sister looked at him with eyes full of suffering, and suddenly her face turned into yours. The prince suddenly stretched his hand towards you, grabbed your dress, and shouted:

"NO!"

Oberyn woke up and sat on the bed, breathing heavily. His body was covered in sweat, his hair was stuck to his forehead, and he felt a bitter taste in his mouth. He glanced sideways at you and his heart tightened. You looked so peaceful as you slept next to him, still with a blissful smile on your face after he took proper care of you and brought you to multiple orgasms.

He carefully leaned over you and brushed your hair away from your face. You lived, you breathed and you were fine. And yet he couldn't shake the feeling that your life was as fragile as his sister's was. You reminded him so much of her. You were delicate and intelligent, sensitive and full of empathy. It was both a blessing and a curse for him. Sometimes he even thought that it was his sister's spirit that put you on his path. To remember again what it's like to have someone he will trust with all his heart and who will surround him with care and love.

Oberyn sighed heavily and moved away from your warm body. He sat on the edge of the bed and was lost in his thoughts. He was the best warrior in Dorne, and yet he failed to protect his sister. What if he fails you? Would you be safer without him? No... He shook his head. The thought of not knowing where you were or what was happening to you was even more terrifying to him.

While he was lost in his thoughts, you woke up and immediately realized what the problem was. This wasn't the first time he had nightmares. Your sweet prince was full of life every day, full of jokes... He was also arrogant, conceited, and proud, but when nightmares came, he was sad and needed support. His entire demeanor changed and you saw a side that few people saw.

You carefully stood up and sat down behind him. You hugged him from behind and placed your chin on his shoulder. You didn't say anything, you just waited for him to speak.

Oberyn sighed, feeling the comforting warmth of your body against his back. In moments like these, he was grateful for your love and understanding. You were a special woman to him. He had never opened up to any other lovers like he did to you. And maybe that's why, paradoxically, he had nightmares more often than before.

He placed his hand on top of yours, which was resting on his belly.

"I'm fine... You can go back to sleep... I'm sure you're still tired from what we did." He tried to make his voice sound convincing, but you could hear the note of sadness and desperation.

You nuzzled his neck as a signal that you weren't going anywhere and tightened your grip. For a moment, a small smile appeared on his face. Then he sighed and took a few deep breaths. And finally, he whispered:

"I saw her again... First it was a memory from our youth. Happy life at Sunspear. We ran to the fountain to cool off..." His voice suddenly became quieter and trembling. "When she entered the water... The water turned to blood, and then... Her face... Her..."

You noticed a tear rolling down his cheek and hugged him even tighter. You pressed your lips against his cheek, feeling the salty taste.

"Her face turned into yours…" Oberyn finished and you sighed softly.

Sometimes you would give anything to take this pain and these terrible memories away from him. Not only were you hurt by your loved one's suffering, but by poor Elia's suffering. When you first heard her story, you cried. You didn't know her, but it seemed so unfair what happened to her and her children. And even though House Lannister had done nothing wrong to you, you hated them as much as Oberyn did.

However, you knew that no one in the world had the power to undo what had already happened. Living in memories led nowhere. So instead of thinking about the past, you focused on the present and comforting your loved one.

"But I'm here... And I'm holding you. You feel my warmth and my breath."

Oberyn nodded.

"But what if one day I can't protect you from the horrors of this world?"

You thought for a moment. His question was one that had no easy answer. Neither of you could promise that nothing bad would happen. You finally answered slowly.

"If something bad happens to me, I will be sure that you did everything to protect me. And I will die with the feeling that I was loved... And that I will be mourned."

Oberyn took a shaky breath and gripped your hands tighter. Your answer was honest, painful and... somehow comforting. But... No, he didn't do everything to protect you. Suddenly he turned towards you and cupped your face in his hands.

"Be my wife."

"What?"

His sudden reaction took you by surprise. The candlelight reflected in his brown eyes, and you could see the sincerity in them. It definitely wasn't one of his jokes or teasing.

"Be my wife." He repeated, his voice becoming more confident, almost demanding, even though you knew he would never force you to do anything.

"I thought that... That you didn't want this... That you were comfortable with our relationship."

Oberyn smiled softly at you and rubbed his thumb against your cheek.

"Because it suits me, but... As strange as it may sound, since I found you, I no longer need other women and I want to provide you with even greater security. And this will happen when you gain the title of princess. Hurting a prince's lover is not the same as hurting his wife. Everyone will think twice. Besides, if something happens to me, you will be left with my estate and under the full protection of the Martell family."

You frowned and looked away from him, and he didn't understand your reaction. He thought you would be happy.

"What happened, my love?" He asked tenderly and gently grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him.

"You talk about marriage like a business. Something that will make you sleep soundly at night."

He finally realized what the problem was and immediately kissed your forehead.

"Oh, forgive me, my desert flower. It wasn't meant to sound like that. Your safety is important here, but... I want you to be my wife because I love you like no one else. Because you are part of my heart and the air that I breathe. Because I can't imagine a day without your kiss, without your look. I just want to make official what I have known for a long time... I am yours and only yours."

Even if you tried, you couldn't stop the smile that appeared on your face. His words easily warmed your heart and all you could do was whisper:

"I agree."

Oberyn smiled and kissed you gently on the lips. However, you could see that he still hadn't fully recovered from the nightmare. So you stroked his jaw and pulled him towards the center of the bed. You knew that in the morning you would want to discuss your wedding and that you would have many questions, but you knew that you both needed to rest.

"Let's go back to sleep. You're tired."

You could tell he wanted to argue with you, but you had a trick up your sleeve. You laid on your back and patted your belly and you knew he would always take him up on that offer. It was his favorite way to fall asleep after a nightmare. He always wrapped his arms around your waist and buried his head in your lap as you stroked his hair soothingly.

It was like that this time too.

He snuggled into your body and you started stroking his dark hair.

"Rest now, my love. It's all right. I'm here and I'm holding you."

Oberyn closed his eyes, listening to your calm voice. The fear of losing you was still there in him, and he squeezed you a little tighter as if hoping that the gods wouldn't be able to break you free from his grasp.

"I've got you." He whispered and slowly fell into sleep, hoping he wouldn't have another nightmare.

Rest now, my love It's all right The dark is gone I am here I hold you

Pernament tag list: @harriedandharassed

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfiction #oberyn martell #oberyn nymeros martell #prince of dorne #prince oberyn #oberyn x you #oberyn x reader #oberyn martell fanfiction #got fanfiction #game of thrones #my fic #little angst #hurt/comfort #elia martell

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lionlena · 21 days

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Okay, I have to admit that the movie "Cat Person" is poor, although I had high hopes… The idea is not bad, it really promised to be a good dark comedy showing contemporary women's problems… But it disappointed me. But a huge plus for this quote from the beginning of the film.

Margaret Atwood — 'Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.'

#cat person 2023 #women #men #women problems #personal

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lionlena · 22 days

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FUCK!!!

First of all, finally!!! I've known for 6 seasons that Buck is pansexual. Yes, I know that most people think he is bisexual... I just think differently.

Secondly... What the fuck?!?!?! Who is this guy? It should be Eddie (who is bisexual... which I have also known for 6 seasons).

So I'm happy and mad on the same time.

BI BUCK CONFIRMED FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#911 #evan buckley #edmundo diaz #buddie #Buck #lgbt couple

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lionlena · 25 days

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happy birthday to pedro pascal 💜

#pedro pascal #happy birthday #fanart #happy birthday pedro pascal

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lionlena · 27 days

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Sometimes I just want to hug Pedro, not in an intimate way, but in a friendly way. I want to bury my face in his chest and feel his strong arms protectively wrap around me. And for a few minutes, I would forget about all the horrors of this world and forget how tired I am of human stupidity…

And then I'll start crying and hear his warm voice assuring me that everything is okay.

Please give me Pedro for 15 minutes…

#pedro pascal #personal #just thinking #I'm sure Pedro gives the best hug in the whole world

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lionlena · 27 days

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@oogaboogasphincter I decided we needed more of this 'good fucking food' so I added Dave and Marcus ;)

@iloveenya I'm sorry you have to deal with this too, but I assure you, none of Pedro boys will expect anything in return and you don't have to feel guilty. They were created to take care of us during difficult times 💖

Dave York:

✰ Dave is used to seeing others suffer and it doesn't bother him... But everything changes when it comes to you.

✰ You are his weakness. The woman who made him get out of his boring life that was torture for him.

✰ So yes, seeing you suffer from migraine headaches awakens a very caring side in Dave that drives him to do many (sometimes irrational) things to help you feel better.

✰ Dave buys air humidifiers, and high-quality window blinds, and even redoes one of the guest rooms to make it quieter thanks to special walls. And costs don't matter to him.

✰ So when you have a migraine, he makes sure you have everything in your special room. He brings you a blanket, water, light food, and painkillers.

✰ If you vomit, he accompanies you to the bathroom without any disgust. He holds your hair and places a cold compress on your neck.

✰ Dave carefully carries you to the bed in his arms and lies down next to you. He will stroke your hair and wait until you fall asleep. He won't leave you until he makes sure you're feeling better.

✰ And woe to anyone who decides to interrupt your sleep.

Marcus Pike:

⊛ Seeing you suffer makes Marcus feel depressed. If it were possible, he would take this pain away from you.

⊛ He is very worried about you and if the migraines continue, he will encourage you to see a neurologist. Marcus just want to be sure that you will receive specialist help.

⊛ He will strictly follow your doctor's instructions. More sleep, less stress, healthy eating... If the neurologist prescribes you medications, Marcus will make sure you remember to take them.

⊛ But if you still get a migraine, Marcus will take care of you in every way possible. He will even be willing to take a day off from work just to stay with you and make sure you get through the worst of times.

⊛ Marcus will cover your bedroom windows and make sure you have your favorite pillow and blanket. He will bring you some painkillers and make you something light to eat, and he will massage your head.

⊛ He will sit next to you and take you in his arms. He will whisper in your ear that he is with you and that everything will be fine.

⊛ When you fall asleep, he will watch you until he finally falls asleep next to you, hugging you protectively.

A/N: For all those suffering from chronic migraines. I encourage you to find a good neurologist. I made it. Thanks to the medications my neurologist prescribed and her advice, the frequency of my migraines decreased by about 70%.

Headcanon: How do they behave when you have a migraine? (Pedro Pascal characters)🩹😴

Joel:

✰ Joel, obviously, hates to see you like this. Your suffering literally breaks his heart. But of course, he knows he has to take care of you.

✰ The first thing he'll do is try to get some painkillers.

Next, he'll make sure he gets some food you like. He knows you often get nauseous when you have a migraine, but he wants to make sure that if you get hungry, there's something you enjoy waiting for you.

✰ Joel will sit on the couch and encourage you to put your head in his lap. And he will gently massage your scalp.

✰ If it doesn't bother you, he'll be quietly humming a calm song under his breath. But if you tell him it's not helping you, he will be quiet.

✰ Only, from time to time, he will quietly ask, "How are you feel, baby girl? Do you need anything?"

✰ When you finally fall asleep, Joel won't move. He won't care about back pain and leg numbness. Your rest will be the most important.

Javier Peña:

✰ Javi can be a little insecure at first. He'll be afraid that you don't want his presence when you're so vulnerable. However, as soon as he is convinced that you need his help, he will turn on caring mode.

✰ He will make sure that your medicine, glass of water, and cold compress are on the bedside table. He will close the windows and turn on the fans, but he will arrange them so that their noise is not too bothersome for you.

✰ He will also try to smoke less because when you have a migraine, the smell of cigarettes makes you nauseous.

✰ Javier also has his secret weapon: orgasm. He only had to hear once that female orgasms were painkillers.

✰ Of course, he will only do this if you agree. He will spend long hours between your legs. And when you fall asleep with a blissful smile on your face, he will make sure that none of the neighbors will make noise. He won't hesitate to knock on their door and show his badge. Your rest is the most important.

Oberyn:

❂ The first thing he does is of course summon the maesters, the best ones. But he does not tolerate stupid ideas. If one of them suggests bloodletting or other nonsense, they can count on a close meeting with his spear.

❂ Oberyn will order servants to prepare the best room and make sure that the bed is full of soft pillows.

❂ He will also order a light meal to be prepared and send all the servants away, saying that he will take care of the rest himself.

❂ He'll prepare a bath of lukewarm water for both of you. He will take you in his arms and carry you to the tub. He will be very gentle and restrained. He will place kisses on your shoulders, neck, and head and whisper soothing words.

❂ Then he will lie down next to you and stroke your head until you fall asleep.

❂ He will put guards in front of the chamber door to make sure that no one dares to disturb your rest.

Javi G:

⊛ When Javi sees you in pain, he looks at you with sad puppy eyes and suddenly becomes extremely quiet. He tiptoes around you and waits for your commands. He'll bring you anything you ask for: a glass of water, broth, a cold compress... Autograph of your favorite actor? Give him an hour and he'll get that too. "Everything for you, mi amor. If it will lessen your pain."

⊛ He won't be able to resist hugging you. He will do it very gently, but he just needs to be close to you. It's like he wants to absorb your pain.

⊛ He will definitely want to hold your hand and kiss your head every now and then.

⊛ If you agree, he will turn on a quiet movie and cuddle you to his chest.

⊛ As soon as he notices that you have fallen asleep, he will immediately turn off the TV and look at your peaceful face.

Agent Whiskey:

✧ Jack, of course, is not a fan of strong painkillers, but he can't stand your suffering. Therefore, he will ask Ginger to create an effective cure for migraines, but without the risk of becoming addicted.

✧ Also he makes sure you have everything you need on hand.

✧ When you have a migraine, Jack becomes ridiculously protective, like a mother hen. His concern can be a bit irritating at times. "Sugar, does the blanket cover your feet?" He adjusts the pillows behind your back, makes sure you drink enough water, and, "No, Sugar, you can't take your medicine on an empty stomach."

✧ He will kiss your forehead and look at you sadly. If he could, he would take this pain away from you.

✧ You know he loves you and you forgive him for being overprotective.

✧ Eventually, he will sit next to you, put his arm around you, and pull you to his chest. If you start whining that the light hurts your eyes, he'll even let you wear his cowboy hat. Everything for you.

✧ When he notices you're asleep, he'll adjust your blanket and let himself take a nap, but he'll still be very alert. Your slightest moan will immediately wake him up.

Frankie:

✰ Frankie will use "google" help first. He will start reading about all the possible ways to relieve migraines.

✰ He makes sure your bedroom lights are dim and the temperature in the room is right. It will remove all sources of noise.

✰ He will ask if he should go to the pharmacy/the store for something you need. If so, he'll be back in 20 minutes. Probably breaking a few traffic rules along the way. He just has to provide his "princess" with everything she needs as soon as possible.

✰ Frankie will gently hug you and kiss your temples. If you let him, he will start massaging your head, neck, and shoulders.

✰ He will whisper to you anecdotes from his life.

✰ Once you fall asleep in his arms, Frankie won't leave you. Keeping you safe is his new, most important mission.

Din Djarin :

✭ Din has a secret weapon: Grogu. He knows the green baby loves you (and you love Grogu), so he will encourage him to use his healing powers on you. The migraine will pass immediately.

✭ But if for some reason he can't use Grogu's help because the little one will be exhausted, Din will make sure You get everything you need.

✭ He will avoid space-time jumps. And if possible, he will land on a peaceful planet.

✭ He will prepare a comfortable bed for you and gently stroke your head.

✭ For you, he will even take off his armor so that you can fall asleep on his warm chest.

✭ But of course, he would never admit it. Only in front of you and Grogu, he can drop his mask of a cold galactic bounty hunter.

As my poor @creedslove has a migraine (and my migraine is just around the corner) we need our husbands/boyfriends/fiances (delete as appropriate) to look after us.

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lionlena · 1 month

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Too many shadows behind you (JavierPeñaxf!readerxJoelMiller) part 4: Our common shadows, our common light...

Summary: You were born in Laredo, but you didn't meet Javier until he came back from Colombia. You quickly fell in love with him and became his wife. You were happy, but… Shadows of the past begin to haunt Javier, and you lose the fight for his love and look for it in the arms of someone else.

Generally, it's JavierxReader but Joel also appears. Feel warned.

Warnings: age gap, angst, hurt, PTSD, mentions about rape and murders, reader cheating her husband Javier, Yes you read that right, READER cheats on Javier, Javier is a faithful husband, mention of abortion.

When you got home you both agreed that you needed to talk. If you wanted to repair yours marriage and raise a child together, you had to tame yours shadows.

You sat down on the couch together. Javier grabbed your hands and avoided your eyes. You saw that he was upset and you wanted to encourage him.

"Honey…" It felt strange to use pet names towards him after so long. But it also felt so natural and right.

When he looked at you, you gave him a soft smile.

"No matter what you tell me, it won't change the way I see you… You are my husband. A husband who, despite my cheating, shows me tenderness and understanding that I do not deserve."

Javier immediately shook his head and stroked your cheek.

"Don't say that. I was the one who never deserved a wife like you… Beautiful, young, intelligent, sweet…" Javi gave you a sad look. "I've done so much wrong, mi amor."

Javier sighed and lowered his head. You moved closer to him and squeezed his hands tighter.

"Babe, I want to get to know you. Every side of you. If your past got us where we are now, then… I guess it's the right time."

Javier couldn't agree with you more. It's time for you to understand his shadows. It's time for you to learn about his sins.

"So in Colombia, I did things I'm not proud of and I saw things I want to forget but I can't…"

And finally he started talking. He told you everything. About Helena and how she was brutally raped and he always felt he was partially to blame for it. He talked about the boy Carrillo shot. About Olivia's mom… And about cooperation with Los Pepes.

Many times his voice cracked and his eyes glistened with tears. And you just listened to him carefully. You didn't interrupt him and just supported him. You held his hands tightly and stroked his cheek from time to time. You knew Javier had to get it out finally. You were horrified by what you heard, but you still didn't see him as a bad person. He did what he had to do in a world full of violence and corruption.

Eventually, Javi started talking about the night you were at the bar and he didn't feel like showing up. He told you about what he discovered two days later and how much it affected him. There were so many emotions in him that he couldn't control them anymore and tears started rolling down his cheeks.

It broke your heart. You immediately cupped his face in your hands and started kissing his cheeks.

"Oh, Javi… mi amor… I'm so sorry you had to experience this alone."

Javi hiccupped and leaned into your touch. His voice trembled as he said:

"I put you in danger… I…"

Your heart trembled when you saw him like this. You didn't think he had such a burden on his shoulders. You felt even worse that you had cheated on him. However, you rejected the remorse and focused on the more important thing, which was comforting him.

"Mi amor…" you whispered and gently lifted his head. "How could you put me in danger that you didn't even know about? If anything, I put myself in danger… I went to that bar on my own…"

Javier swallowed his tears.

"But if I hadn't come then…"

You knew you had to put an end to his thoughts as quickly as possible.

"You don't know that… Neither of us knows that. You don't know what I would do if you wrote to me that you weren't coming… Maybe I would go home right away because I would like to be with you…"

You saw Javi start to calm down as it started to dawn on him that you were right. However, you decided to go even further.

"You don't control the world, honey. We can avoid all the dangerous places in the city and evil might still find us… We might just become victims of an accident. You can't blame yourself for something you have no control over…" You placed your hand on his chest. "I know you, Honey. I know you have a good heart. No matter what you say, I know how tender you are."

A small smile appeared on his face. He took your hand in his large one and brought it to his lips, kissing your fingers.

"Thank you…" he whispered.

Even though it was a very tender gesture, you felt sad and sadness appeared in your eyes.

"I'm sorry… If I had known… I would never…"

Your voice broke and tears began to stream down your face. Javi immediately pulled you towards him and started kissing your cheeks.

"Shhh… shhh… You said it yourself that we don't control the world. I haven't talked to you, so how could you know what's on my mind."

You hiccupped and moaned pitifully.

"But I should have… I should have known something was wrong… I could have sensed it… you are my husband after all… Instead… I'm so ashamed…"

Javi shook his head and smiled softly at you.

"We've already talked about this. I'm not saying that what you did didn't hurt me, but I understand you. You have your needs… and I wasn't meeting them. And I don't want to think about it anymore. We're together again now, and soon…" He placed his hand on Your belly. "We're going to be parents. Let's focus on that, honey."

Your heart swelled with love for him. You didn't understand how it was possible that a man could be so understanding and loving. Javier welcomed you with open arms, with all your shadows.

"Javi… I love you and I swear to you that for the rest of my life, I will reward you for what you are doing for me now."

Javier smiled and pulled you into his lap. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed you on the cheek.

"Te amo mi corazón."

You wrapped your arms around his neck and sighed contently. You didn't know how you both were so happy again. After a few minutes of silence, you asked:

"And what now? Will we tell the others the truth?"

Javi immediately shook his head.

"No, my angel. It will stay as it is. I cheated on you, but it turned out that you were pregnant, so you forgave me and let me come back."

You frowned and gave him a sad look.

"But I don't want you to take all the blame."

He smiled gently and brushed your hair out of your face.

"Baby, it will be better this way. Not only for us but also for our baby… Believe me, I know this city. I know how they will look at our baby and whisper behind our baby's back… I don't want that. I want this baby from the very beginning to feel special, not excluded."

You couldn't help it and started crying again. Your hormones weren't making it easy for you to stay calm. You buried your face in the crook of his neck and moaned softly:

"Javi…"

You didn't know how to express to him how you felt. Love, gratitude, but also sadness. You were the one who made a mistake, but he was the one who was going to fix it and face the consequences.

His large, warm hand soothingly rubbed your back.

"Shhh… Everything will be fine. I will take care of you." * Javier fully kept his word and took care of you in a way you really wouldn't expect, even if it was his child and you would never cheat on him. He fulfilled all your cravings and made sure you didn't overwork yourself in any way. He often came home with flowers or something sweet. And he was so happy when he could go with you to your medical check-up and see your baby on the ultrasound. Javier's baby. You stopped thinking about Joel and the fact that he was the baby's biological father. It wasn't hard when Javier was acting in such an affectionate way. In the evenings, he would put his head on your pregnant belly and talk to the baby about everything. When you giggled quietly, he kept telling you that he had read that it was important because thanks to it, after birth, the baby would know his voice and calm down faster. Of course, he read it in a book he bought, because Javier started reading a lot of books about pregnancy and caring for newborns. More than you. He was also buying a lot of things for the baby and you didn't have the heart to tell him to stop. He was so happy and calm. He even agreed to go to a therapist. Of course, in another city to avoid gossip, but it didn't matter. You were proud of him. Your intimate life is back to normal, and maybe it even got better than it was at the beginning of your marriage. Every extra inch of fat on your thighs and hips made Javier shiver with excitement. He was obsessed with your curves and as soon as you were in bed he would start kissing all over your body. And then, even in his sleep, he would often place his hand on your pregnant belly, hip, or thigh.

And the rumors naturally died down. In the beginning, of course, people commented on the fact that you were together again, and of course, you were told more than once that you were stupid for forgiving Javier's cheat on you. Each time, these words stung your heart painfully and you wanted to scream out the truth. But eventually, people got bored. They saw that you were happy, and happiness is never an interesting reason for people to gossip.

But while the locals stopped commenting on Javier's 'cheating', the family didn't forgive him.

You were six months pregnant when you lost your nerves during a family dinner. Everything started well. Chucho organized a small party to celebrate his birthday. There were two of Javier's cousins with their wives and children, an aunt, an uncle, and even your mother. Everything was going well, the atmosphere was pleasant. Cheerful music, delicious food, and casual conversations with family members. And Javier, who, of course, made sure that you had everything and that you felt comfortable.

The party ended late in the evening, you were tired, but you decided to help clean up. Only Chucho, Javier, and your mother remained at home. You entered the kitchenette with a pile of plates and Javier immediately ran up to you.

"Mi amor!" He took the dishes from you. "Don't strain yourself like that. It's too heavy for you."

You giggled and shook your head.

"Javi, it's only a few plates. I've told you so many times that pregnancy is not a sickness. Besides, at the last ultrasound, the doctor told you three times that the baby was fine."

Javier huffed and walked over to you. He started rubbing your belly and was about to say something when your mother spoke up.

"It's good that the baby is healthy. The stress he put you under could have caused some complications."

You tried to ignore her, as did your husband. You placed your hand on his and he smiled warmly at you. You admired him for his calmness, even though your mother often made snide comments.

Javier looked at your pregnant belly with tenderness and said:

"I would love this baby even if he or she was sick."

You knew he was saying it more to you than to your mother. It was his way of telling you as usual: I'm here, I'm with you, no matter what. You felt tears gathering in your eyes. Javier was too kind to you. But before the first tear rolled down your cheek, you heard Chucho's voice.

"It would be your damn duty. Especially after what you did. You're lucky that Y/N agreed to let you come back to her."

You immediately noticed a grimace on your beloved husband's face. No matter how many times he told you that other people's insults didn't hurt him. You knew that the comments from his father were very hurtful to him. And that was it. You couldn't hold it in any longer. Rage surged within you. You stepped forward and shouted:

"Enough of this! Both of you, shut up!"

You didn't know who was more surprised. You, Javi, his father, or your mother. You always treated them with great respect, but you couldn't do it anymore. Javi grabbed your hand gently and whispered:

"Don't do this, mi amor."

You looked at him with love and sadness.

"No, Javi. I can't stand that you have to endure insults even among your loved ones. This is your family home…"

Your mother decided to interfere.

"So you think we should ignore his behavior."

You looked at her confidently and hissed:

"It wasn't Javier who cheated on me. I cheated on him!"

Your mother's stupid expression strangely pleased you. Chucho looked at you surprised and said:

"What? He confessed…"

You sighed heavily and looked at Javier, who was looking at you with a mixture of love and gratitude.

"Yes, he took all the blame on himself, because that's how he is. He's the best husband in the world who decided to protect me even when I was at fault."

Javier's eyes glistened with tears. He touched your cheek and whispered:

"Mi amor…"

"So this baby…"

Your mother's voice was like a blade thrown at you. This time, Javi felt furious. He immediately wrapped his arms around you protectively and pulled you into his side.

"This baby is MINE! And I never want to hear a single word that it could be otherwise. Understood?!"

Your mother decided to shut up for the first time in her life and nodded meekly. Javi shot a glance at his father, but Chucho also nodded and looked at his son apologetically. Your husband looked at you tenderly and kissed your temple.

"Come on, cariño. Enough stress for today. It's not good for you or our baby."

He grabbed your hand and you went outside without saying goodbye. You were both silent until you reached your car, which was parked in a place where no one could see you from the windows of the house. Only then did Javier stop and turn to you. He placed his hands on your hips and looked at you with a mixture of tenderness and sadness.

"Why did you do that?"

You sighed and stroked his cheek.

"Because I've had enough of these slanders. And I know… That your father's words hurt you. And you don't deserve it. You gave me everything. Love, patience, understanding…" You felt tears gathering in your eyes. "It's simply unfair that you can't feel at ease even among your loved ones."

Javi immediately raised one of his hands towards your face, ready to wipe away the tears that hadn't fallen yet.

"I know, my Angel, and I'm grateful, but… I'm just worried about you and I don't want you to be upset."

You nodded and smiled, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"But they had funny facial expressions."

Javier chuckled and shook his head.

"I've never seen your mother have such big eyes and my dad… I don't think he's ever been redder."

You started laughing quietly and placed your hands on his chest.

"Let's go home… I'm getting hungry and I want vanilla ice cream with saltine crackers."

Javier raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything. Over the past few months, he had become accustomed to your strange cravings and the fact that you were often hungry. He wrapped his arms around your waist and led you towards the car door, but before he opened it, he had to share with you one more thought that was bothering him.

"What if your mother starts gossiping about it? I'm sure my dad will keep it to himself, but…"

"But she's capable of anything." You sighed and snuggled into his body for a moment. "I don't know, but I know that me and this child always have you and… If necessary, I'm even ready to move to another city. My home is where you are."

Javier smiled and hugged you tightly, holding you close to him. He kissed your head and whispered:

"It's true. You will always have me. From now on, we will survive everything, because we are together. You are my home."

You felt peace come over you despite all the shadows that surrounded you. You felt as if Javier's shadows and yours had become yours. You didn't fight them anymore. You have learned to live with them. There was a light between you that grew brighter every day. *

'You accept me from a flood You give me everything I know Even in my darkest nights I know you're there, right by my side Somehow with you, I don't feel alone, You'll always be my home, my heart I'll be with you wherever you are My home, my heart I feel you with me when we're worlds apart You'll always be my home' *Myles Smith - My home

Part 3

Part 5

Tag list: @harriedandharassed

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #javier pena #javier pena x reader #javier pena fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller x reader #narcos fanfiction #angst #hurt #sadness #narcos #javier peña #javier is so sweet

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lionlena · 1 month

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I can't be everywhere (No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader) ANGST! Part 3

Summary: You knew Joel was a busy man, but you never thought that when you needed him most you would hear, "I can't be everywhere." As if your pain meant nothing. So you decided that you couldn't be everywhere either… You couldn't be in his heart anymore.

Warnings: NSFW, self-harm (something like that), rough sex, p in v, unprotected sex, ANGST, miscarriage, misunderstanding, loss, mourning, broken heart, age gap (17 years), Joel is 45, depression, Joel tries hard, but… He can't show his true emotions…

Part 3

You thought being away from Joel, away from the place that reminded you of the loss of your baby, would help you, but it didn't. You felt like you were starting to get depressed, and living with your friend wasn't helping you at all. Maddie was sweet, but she tried too hard. You felt like she was taking on the role of your mother. She was worried that you weren't eating enough, that you weren't going out enough, and her attempts to talk to you about going to therapy only made you angry.

Deep down you knew she wanted good for you, but in your emotional state, you just had the desire to reject her. And that's exactly what you did. You found an apartment to rent and two weeks after you first entered her apartment, you moved out.

After finding a new apartment, you didn't feel any better. You tried to occupy your mind, find a new hobby, work more, but… You ended up sitting in the corner of your bedroom and crying. You processed thousands of scenarios in your head. Maybe you should have had an abortion? Then it would all be over before it began. Maybe not? Maybe you would suffer more and hate Joel more. Maybe you had a bad diet? You didn't take folic acid before pregnancy because… You weren't planning a pregnancy. Thousands of thoughts that did not allow you to sleep and function normally. Being able to work from home didn't make anything easier either, because you didn't have to go outside. You always had a tendency to overthink and get anxious, but when you were with Joel it was easier for you. He always knew how to put your mind at ease. He wrapped his strong arms around you and pulled you to his chest. He kissed your head and murmured sweet things. Joel wasn't a man of many words, but his embrace was enough. You felt then safe and surrounded by a protective cocoon of love. But you weren't sure if it would help you now. * Joel hated the emptiness that filled his house. The emptiness that reflected his interior. He slowly realized how much he should have changed in his life and himself. He didn't know if this would get you back, but he had to do something because he felt like he was going crazy. He started by renovating the house or rather building another room… A children's room. He decided to tear down the wall and enlarge the room that had once served as Sarah's dressing room and storage room for her toys. He knew it was crazy, and Tommy didn't hesitate to say it to his face when he visited to watch a game and drink beer.

"Are you crazy? Let me understand this correctly. You are building a children's room now, for a baby who…"

Joel grimaced. When he heard it out loud, he realized how stupid it was, but he was going to defend himself.

"No. Look, I'm not crazy, I know it won't bring this baby back to life, but… I should have started doing this as soon as I found out about Y/N's pregnancy. I know it seems crazy now, but… I have to do this and… It doesn't have to be the nursery. When Y/N comes back… If she comes back, she'll decide. It could be her office, guest room, home gym… Whatever."

Tommy took a sip of his beer and nodded.

"Okay… Now that sounds a little more reasonable. Shall I help you?"

Joel smiled a little. Sometimes his younger brother was very annoying, but he could always count on his support.

"Sure."

The younger Miller looked at him and asked quietly:

"Has Y/N spoken to you?"

Joel reached for another beer and shook his head.

"He replies to my text messages, but as briefly as possible. Usually, it's just a dry: okay, I'm fine, don't call…"

Tommy sighed and nodded.

"So for now, no chance of her coming back."

"No, but… If this is your way of trying to get out of helping me with the renovation, it's too late."

Tommy laughed softly.

"Not at all… I promised it, so I'll help you." * A month and a half had passed since you left and Joel was losing hope of any reconciliation with you. He felt lost and maybe a little disappointed. He just wanted a chance, one little chance. He was ready to do anything, to fall on his knees in front of you and beg for forgiveness. He would promise you everything.

When he got your text message with the address of the new apartment and the request to send your things, he felt his heart break once again, and then… He knew that what he wanted to do was crazy, that you would be furious, but it was his last hope. *

When you heard the doorbell, you were sure it was the courier with your things. From what Joel wrote, everything was fit into four boxes. You walked across the living room and kicked the pizza box under the couch. You didn't care that your hair was messy and you were wearing Joel's old t-shirt that you took before leaving him. You couldn't even explain why you were wearing it. You told yourself it was comfortable, but you knew it wasn't everything. You opened the door and your heart sank.

"What the fuck…"

That was the first thing you managed to say when you saw Joel with a bouquet, his hair slicked back and looking too good for your opinion.

Joel expected such a reaction, so he didn't lose his confidence and gently said:

"Hey, Y/N…" He looked you up and down. He saw that you didn't look your best. The fact that you were wearing his t-shirt made him feel both happy and melancholy.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" you hissed.

You wanted to slam the door, preferably to hit him in the nose, but you knew it was pointless. Joel would probably be banging on the door anyway. You would never think that he would take time off work and drive so many miles to see you. This seemed out of character for him. So he must have been desperate.

"I brought your things. I thought it would be better if I did it myself, just to… To make sure they reach you."

You huffed and looked at him disapprovingly. It was such a pathetic excuse.

"Yeah, of course."

Joel lowered his head and scratched the back of his neck.

"I wanted to see you." He said contritely. "Call me an idiot, an asshole… A motherfucker, but… I miss you."

Something about his voice and attitude made you soften. This wasn't the same Joel who hurt you in the hospital. It didn't mean you forgave him, but… You missed him too. You missed his body, the grip of his hands on your hips. You felt yourself getting warm. You had this sudden need to replace your emotional pain with a moment of oblivion. You grabbed Joel by his shirt and dragged him inside. You grabbed the flowers he was holding for you and tossed them aside.

"I missed…" You growled and started to undo his belt. "…for this."

Joel's eyes widened and he gasped in surprise. His hands were shaking as he grabbed yours and tried to stop you from what you were doing.

"Y/N what are you doing… I… That's not what I came for."

You felt like laughing. You knew perfectly well that he wasn't here to have sex. Joel might be an asshole sometimes, but he would never do something like this. You didn't care, you were going to push him over the edge. Use him like a fucking toy.

"I want you to fuck me! Hard, fast, rough… So I can feel it in next day…"

Joel's face turned red and he swallowed hard.

"But… I… I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't give a damn what you want!"

Joel swallowed. Part of him wanted to push you away, beg you to come back to your senses. He didn't come to make love to you. He wanted to talk to you and beg for forgiveness, but on the way to you, he promised himself that he would do whatever you wanted. And you wanted rough sex. So he put aside morality and common sense and turned on his animal instincts. He thought it was too simple, but the truth was that you always turned him on, even in his stretched-out t-shirt. He grabbed your buttocks and picked you up onto the kitchen counter. You smirked. You had him exactly where you wanted him. You saw the bulge in his pants. Joel grabbed your thighs and said:

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

He didn't need more, he took off your shorts and panties in one move. His hand went to your pussy, but before he could touch your clit, you grabbed his hand.

"No… Without preparation."

Joel looked at you with dark eyes and growled.

"I won't fuck you when you are dry! You want me to hurt you. I'll do it the way you want… Hard… Rough, but…" He sighed and his gaze became pleading. "Please."

You wanted to continue arguing with him, but you knew he was right. He was capable of fucking you so hard that you would feel it the next day, even if he prepared you. You nodded, and his thumb immediately began rubbing rhythmic circles on your clit. His free hand reached for his cock, which was already half-hard.

You tilted your head back and moaned softly as you felt him insert one finger into you.

He too made a few grunts as he stroked his cock, which was already standing proudly.

When you felt yourself getting closer to climax, you grabbed his wrist and growled:

"Enough! I'm ready…"

He looked at you in surprise and grimaced. You knew what he meant. He was a master at preparing you, and he never stopped stretching you with just one finger.

"Are you… Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Joel sighed and shook his head, but he was already aroused and saw that there was no point in arguing with you. He pulled away for a moment and lowered his pants and boxers. He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and went to pull out a condom, but you stopped him again. This time there was anger in his eyes.

"Y/N…" he growled warningly.

But you weren't going to take a step back.

"I'm not making you finish inside me… You'll take out before you come."

You saw the moment he gave up. He simply didn't have the energy to fight you as his erect cock twitched with anticipation, wanting to feel your warm core.

"All right."

He grabbed your hips and pulled you to the edge of the kitchen counter. You felt his cock head against your pussy. You bit your lip and nodded slightly at him. You knew it would hurt, but you wanted it.

Joel pushed into you with one brutal thrust, causing the air to escape from your lungs. You dug your nails into his shoulders and gasped. Joel moved closer to you. His lips were on your neck as he growled,

"This is what you wanted…" And then, more gently, he added, "Should I stop?"

"NO." You hissed.

And that was it. He figured you got a chance earlier to back out. He wanted you in that animalistic way, even though he knew how wrong it was. He gripped your hips tightly and that was his only warning before he started pounding into you.

He didn't even give you a moment to adjust to his thrusts. You held onto him tightly, completely at his mercy. You had no control over the speed or force of his thrusts. You screamed as the pain mixed with pleasure.

Joel got lost in your body and he couldn't think straight. He finally felt your warm body, and your scent, and heard your voice. For a few seconds, he could forget everything that had happened. He could pretend you never broke up.

He just came home from work and you greeted him in his t-shirt and soaked panties and offered him your pussy instead of dinner. So he accepted it happily and took you here and now.

You moaned louder and louder as you felt your climax getting closer. Your thighs were trembling, your breathing quick and shallow.

"Jooo… I…"

You dug your nails deeper into his flesh as you climaxed. Joel grunted as he felt your vaginal muscles tighten around his cock. He knew he had to get out of you… Quick.

You hissed in pain when he pulled out of you without warning and with a decisive movement. He leaned back and grabbed his dick. A few movements of his hand were enough for him to come. His cum landed on your thighs and the kitchen counter.

Joel pulled up his boxers and pants. He moved closer to you and rested his head on your shoulder, breathing heavily.

You raised your hand, wanting to do what you always did, which was to run your hand through his hair, but in the end, you stopped yourself.

After a few moments, Joel controlled his breathing and pulled away, and then… He grabbed you and held you in his arms. You didn't expect this. He carried you to the couch and carefully laid you down.

"Bathroom?"

"In the hall on the right…" you muttered.

Joel nodded and when he was gone you closed your eyes and sighed. You still felt the pain from his strong thrusts, but it finally made your mind go blank. There were no unnecessary thoughts, just a feeling of fulfillment and pain mixed with pleasure.

You didn't even notice when Joel came back. When you felt the wet, warm towel between your thighs, you yelped in surprise and jumped. Joel immediately placed his hand on your belly and said soothingly:

"I'm just going to clean you up… How are you feeling?"

You blinked in surprise. It's not that Joel was never tender and caring, and yet… He was never that caring. You cleared your throat and muttered:

"I'm okay…"

Joel nodded and placed a soft kiss on your thigh.

"Do you need anything? Water? A painkiller? A warm compress?"

You frowned and shook your head.

"No… I just want to take a nap."

"Of course."

Joel immediately got up and lay down next to you, wrapping his arms around you. Well… that's not what you wanted. But when you felt his warm, strong body pressing against your body, you gave up. When you felt him kiss your head, you allowed yourself to relax. You haven't slept well in weeks. Before you thought twice, you fell into a deep sleep. * In the morning you woke up in bed. You slowly sat up and blinked in surprise. You looked around confused, thinking maybe it was all a dream, but then you moved your hips and felt yourself sore. You looked at your watch and realized that you had slept for over twelve hours. Your eyes widened in surprise. What added to the shock was the fact that there was a glass of water and Advil on the bedside table. After a while, you heard a noise coming from the kitchen. You carefully got out of bed and put on a clean T-shirt and shorts. You slowly moved towards the kitchen. You smelled food, which made you feel hungry. You noticed boxes of your things in the living room. And then Joel standing at the kitchen stove caught your attention. His back was turned to you and you could admire his broad shoulders and muscular back.

Joel turned around and smiled warmly when he saw you.

"Hey… Did you sleep well?"

You frowned, wondering if maybe you were sleeping. You ignored his question and sat down at the kitchen table.

"What happened?"

Joel sighed, the smile disappearing from his face when he noticed that you weren't happy at all.

"You fell asleep… You slept so soundly that my attempts to wake you up were useless. I moved you to the bedroom, brought your things, slept on the couch, and… Now I'm making you breakfast."

You snorted, wondering if he was serious.

"You're making me breakfast? Wow. Where did you get the idea that I wanted that? Where did you get the idea that I wanted you to stay here for the night."

Joel cocked his head to the side as if he didn't even understand what you were saying.

"But… I thought that… We… You…"

You felt irritation rising within you.

"That what? That I forgave you because you fucked me? No, Joel… I just needed it, that's all."

Joel felt like you hit him in the chest with something heavy. Yes, he knew he deserved it. He nodded and looked at you sadly.

"Do you want me to…"

"To come back to Texas. Now."

You were a little afraid that Joel would start arguing with you, that maybe he would say something that would hurt you, but… He just walked to the couch, gathered his things, put on his jacket, and then walked up to you and kissed your head. He took you completely by surprise and you couldn't even push him away.

"Let me know if you need anything, I'll fly to you… And remember that I'm waiting for you. And I will wait as long as you need."

When he left, you realized you had been holding your breath the whole time. You took a shaky breath and felt tears streaming down your cheeks. You couldn't move. You looked at the cup of coffee and cheese toast that Joel had left on the counter. You wrapped your arms around yourself and allowed yourself more tears. *

A/N 1) Before you comment, please bear in mind that I want to show that depression sometimes comes in many forms. Depressed people are prone to dangerous behavior, such as sex with strangers. Unfortunately, I myself found out in the past that physical pain brought me relief from mental pain. If some people are dissatisfied with the reader's behavior, I'm sorry, but no one is forcing you to continue reading.

2) I watched scenes from episode 6 hundreds of times and concluded that Joel is an emotional orphan. Joel cannot express his own feelings, so he adapts to the feelings of others. In the first conversation with Tommy (the one in the bar), Tommy is a bit pushy, tense, and rough, and… Joel reacts with exactly the same emotions. In their second conversation, Tommy shows much more empathy, compassion, and calm, he is more open, so Joel opens up to him. In turn, in a conversation with Ellie, who attacks him (which, by the way, is normal for teenagers), Joel obviously takes on her emotions. And that's why when Y/N throws herself at him and encourages him to have rough sex, he naturally picks up on her lack of control and unbalanced attitude.

Part 2

Part 4

Tag list: @fahemzzz @picketniffler @elliaze @txtattoostark @this--is--music @anavatazes @simplyreading96 @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @southernbe @sarahhxx03 @noisynightmarepoetry @jasminedragoon @pedromousposts @joeldjarin

Permanentny tag list: @harriedandharassed

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #the last of us #tlou fanfiction #angst #its so sad #tlou fic

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lionlena · 2 months

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Headcanon: How do they cook for you? (Pedro Pascal characters) 🥕🧑‍🍳🍓

🍳 Joel Miller

Joel is not the best cook. Of course, he had to learn how to cook for Sarah, but he always kept things simple.

He is a supporter of one-pot meals. What he cooks for you is really delicious, but simple. There is no culinary madness about it. That's why Joel prefers it when you make dinner.

But it doesn't bother you anyway. Especially since Joel loves making breakfast for you. Whenever he can, he will get up earlier and make you a delicious breakfast: scrambled eggs, pancakes, waffles... Everything you like.

And if he finishes making breakfast and you're still asleep, he'll bring you breakfast in bed. He will kiss your forehead and whisper, "Get up, baby girl. I made you coffee and breakfast."

From time to time, Joel will also take you to your favorite little restaurant. This way neither of you has to cook and you can enjoy your time together.

🍽️ Oberyn Martell

Cooking is the last skill he needs, which is why he can't cook. As a prince, he never had to worry about this. Food was always served to him on silver trays. Even when he was a warrior, he didn't have to worry about it.

Of course, if he and you find yourself in a wild desert, he can easily hunt something and roast it over a fire. He would never let his Queen starve to death.

However, you can't count on Oberyn to stand in the kitchen and prepare something for you.

On the other hand, you don't have to do this either. Just tell the servants what you want and your dish will be brought to you after a few minutes.

Oberyn loves to surprise you and organize picnics for you. By the river, in an oasis in the desert, in the gardens... Once he even organized an evening picnic for you on the roof of the palace.

🌮 Javier Peña

Cooking isn't something he's great at. But he is a specialist in making drinks.

For most of his adult life, Javier learned to eat out or buy home-cooked meals.

However, it's not like Javier can't cook anything. There are a few special dishes that his mom taught him to make. And although Javier may feel insecure about his culinary skills at the beginning of your relationship, the longer you are together, the more willing he will be to prepare these dishes for you.

If you cook, you can always count on Javier to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen. After all, he doesn't want your beautiful nails to get damaged.

You just have to sit on the couch and enjoy the drink he prepares for you.

🥞 Jack Daniels

This may come as a surprise, but Jack is very good at cooking. All because he was a mama's boy when he was a kid. He loved helping his mom in the kitchen and cooking with her.

Now he loves cooking for you and you can't help but admire how Jack transforms in the kitchen.

It's so cute to see him without a stetson and jacket, with his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and wearing an apron with the "Kiss the Cook" written on it.

Sometimes you just can't help yourself and hug him from behind and then steal a piece of carrot or sausage. You then hear his scolding voice: "Sugar, don't steal... Remember your manners."

But you know he's actually smiling and it doesn't bother him at all.

But what Jack does even better than dinner is... Cakes and desserts! You've never eaten such delicious muffins, desserts, croissants... Jack always watches with a wide smile as you eat these sweets, knowing full well that you will reward him later...

🍴 Dave York

Dave doesn't cook, he doesn't even try to learn. He thinks you're better suited for it because you're a woman.

Don't get me wrong, Dave is not some fucking misogynist. He will support you in your career and support your passion and women's rights. He doesn't think that women are only good for cooking and bearing children, but... Dave grew up in a traditional home with a traditional division of roles. And he just never felt like cooking.

You don't even know if he's bad at it because he's just never tried it.

But that doesn't mean he doesn't help you with other household chores. Dave doesn't mind cleaning. In fact, he's actually really good at it, because it's part of his job (cleaning up the crime scene). He can also do laundry or iron his shirts without any problems, but... He stays away from the kitchen.

But that doesn't mean you have to cook all the time. If you don't feel like it, no problem. Dave will make sure to take you out to a restaurant or order takeout at least three times a week. You are his princess and he will never let you think otherwise.

Besides, the kitchen is sometimes not meant for cooking (if you know what I mean.)

🍔 Frankie Morales

To say that Frankie is a disaster in the kitchen is an understatement. Frankie tries really hard, but he can burn anything... You never thought that somebody could burn scrambled eggs.

But he is a great helper in the kitchen. Nobody cuts vegetables as quickly and precisely as Frankie. To top it off, he never has a problem doing shopping for groceries. He doesn't even need a list. Just tell him what dish you want to make and he will know what to buy.

Frankie also knows all the best places to eat cheap and delicious food.

But surprisingly. Frankie is excellent at making barbecue. You don't understand how this is possible, but it is. And no one makes burgers as delicious as Frankie.

🍲 Din Djarin

Din hardly cooks. Most often, he makes broth and always adds too few spices. Sometimes he will also roast what he hunt over the fire, but he doesn't care what he eats.

Years spent as a bounty hunter and many planets visited had taught him to eat anything. Literally everything. Sometimes you think Din's stomach is made of beskar too.

Unfortunately for you, Grogu also has some strange food preferences (like father like son). You've seen him eat a frog more than once! But he, like you, thinks that soup with live 'octopus' is not normal!

That's why you forced Din to add a kitchen to your little house on Nevarro.

"Yes, Din, we need a kitchen!"

And you like cooking, especially for Grogu, who always accompanies you in the kitchen, because this little one is always hungry. But Din appreciates your cooking too, and you know it when he sneaks up behind you while you're cooking and gives you a sweet kiss on the cheek.

🥗 Marcus Pike

Marcus loves cooking for you! And he's great at it, he just needs to have time for it. He used to order takeaway food very often, but not because he didn't like cooking, because he didn't have time.

But since you became his wife, he slowed down, wanting to focus more on family life. Cooking is his form of love language.

Sometimes you even have to force him out of the kitchen and tell him that this time you will make dinner. But even then, Marcus will offer to help you with cleaning and washing the dishes.

Marcus loves experimenting in the kitchen. He doesn't always get everything right, but you always praise him because you love seeing his happy smile and his eyes shining with joy.

If you get pregnant, Marcus will fulfill your strangest kitchen whims.

🧇 Javi G

Javi (like Oberyn) never had to learn to cook, he always had cooks or could afford expensive catering. However, Javi is not against cooking, especially if it makes you happy.

Just tell him what kind of dishes you like. Italian? Mexican? Chinese? No problem. Javi will hire a top chef to give him a cooking lesso.

Then he will proudly cook you your favorite dish. He will watch with impatience and nervousness as you take your first bite. When you tell him that something is delicious, Javi will go crazy with joy.

Of course, he won't finish with just one dish. After all this is Javi! Your hyperactive, passionate husband. So you can count on lots of interesting dishes cooked with love.

But of course Javi will also take you to expensive restaurants. Sometimes he just wants to spend more time with you and hold your hand while you wait for someone else to cook for you.

For the first time, I am ready to cheat on my husband Oberyn with my husband Jack or with Marcus… Oberyn, don't look at me like that, if it weren't for the servants, we would eat fried scorpions every day…

Pernament tag list: @harriedandharassed

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lionlena · 2 months

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Dyeing your hair… (Joel Miller x reader) one shot

I just saw this photo and couldn't shake the silly thought of dying Joel's hair.

Summary: In an abandoned shop you found a box with men's hair dye.

Warnings: implied age gape, sweet Joel, just fluff, established relationship, just my silly idea

When you stuffed the dark men's hair dye you found in a ruined store into your backpack, you knew it was stupid. But you couldn't help yourself anyway. You just felt like a child who found a toy. Even tampons didn't make you this happy. When you rejoined Joel, he immediately sensed your mood. Not that he didn't enjoy your good mood. He loved you and hated when you were sad or hurt, but… When you had that… THAT smile on your face, he knew you were thinking of something ridiculous.

"What is that smile?"

You shrugged and shook your head.

"What smile? I'm just glad to see you."

"Yeah, of course…"

He walked up to you and looked at you carefully. He knew you were hiding something from him, but he also knew that sooner or later you would reveal it to him. He shook his head and gently brushed the hair away from your cheek. This tender gesture, even though so trivial, immediately made you feel loved. At times Joel could seem uncaring and harsh, but you knew his heart was soft to you.

"Let's go back home." He said and moved forward with his hand on the rifle.

You followed him happily, jumping up and down at the thought of what you were going to do. You weren't even that concerned about the danger. You always felt safe with Joel.

Once you were in your small, dingy apartment in Boston, you decided to show him your find.

Joel snorted at the sight of the box and frowned.

"What do you need this for?"

You smiled that way again and he subconsciously knew what was coming and grunted.

"NO."

"Oh, Joel."

"NO."

"But…"

"NO."

You pouted and crossed your arms over your chest. You looked at him with puppy eyes. You felt like you weren't defeated yet and you really, really wanted to see what Joel looked like when he was younger and his hair didn't have so many gray streaks.

"We'll do it for fun."

Joel rolled his eyes.

"Play cards for fun."

You moved closer to him and decided to change your tactics. You placed your hands on his chest.

"Jooo… Please, please, pretty please… Pleaseeee…"

You felt him soften as he looked down at you and swallowed.

"God, how old are you? 5?"

You didn't give up and slipped your hands under his shirt.

"We'll play your game later."

You knew you had hit a sweet spot when he placed his hands on your hips and squeezed lightly.

"You don't even know if it will work…"

"Hmm… We won't know if we don't use it."

You stood on your tiptoes and nibbled his beard with your teeth, making him growl.

"Fine!"

You giggled happily and pulled him towards the bathroom. You told him to sit on the toilet and started your work. Joel, of course, kept complaining that it was stupid and ridiculous… And so on, but you saw that little smile on his face because he knew he was making you happy. And he liked it when you were this close to him.

Forty minutes later you could admire your work.

And you were delighted! To you, Joel had always been handsome, but when his hair became darker, he looked so sexy. The dye didn't completely cover his gray hair, but the effect was still stunning. Joel noticed your gaze and smiled.

"How do I look? Are you satisfied?"

You grabbed his waistband and pulled him towards you.

"Satisfied is an understatement…"

Joel growled deeply and pulled you closer to him. He kissed you on the lips and when he pulled away he said:

"Good. Because now it's part of my fun."

He sat down on the couch and pulled you onto his lap, and you didn't resist at all. You grabbed his dark hair and moaned in pleasure. You knew you were in for a wild ride…

And you were already wondering if Joel would be persuaded to return to that abandoned store. You were sure there were two more packages of hair dye on the shelf. *

Permanentny tag list: @harriedandharassed

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller #the last of us #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #sweet joel #fluff #one shot #tlou fanfiction

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lionlena · 2 months

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Since I already feel that in a few hours, I will have a terrible migraine and spend the entire Saturday in bed, I created emotional support for myself 😭🥺

#pedro pascal characters #javier gutierrez #the unbearable weight of massive talent #ai character #c.ai bot

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lionlena · 2 months

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I can't be everywhere (No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader) ANGST! Part 2

Warnings: ANGST, miscarriage, misunderstanding, loss, mourning, broken heart, age gap (17 years), Joel is 45, depression, Joel tries hard, but… He can't show his true emotions…

Part 2

Joel had no self-confidence. He knew it. He might have played the tough guy, but he knew the truth. He was afraid of relationships. Sarah's mother left such a huge hole in his heart that for a long time, he was unable to establish normal relationships with women. At first, he thought it was better this way. He focused on raising his daughter.

Joel was selfish. He hid it behind the statement that he had to care for his daughter and help his brother. But he knew the truth. He did what was comfortable for him and didn't think about the feelings of the other women. He started dating women when Sarah was older and needed less attention. He selfishly used women to satisfy his needs. Most often they were short-lived affairs for him. Sometimes just for one night. He didn't give any woman false hopes for something more serious, so he had no remorse.

He stayed longer with a woman named Tess. But only because he was comfortable with her. Tess was younger than him, but not as significantly as you. She was in a similar situation to Joel. She was a divorcee, raised a teenage son on her own, had her own business, and worked hard. And this arrangement seemed perfect to him. He saw Tess whenever he needed to. Sometimes he stayed overnight with her, and sometimes she stayed with him. They were together, although neither of them planned to make it official. And then suddenly it fell apart… And two months later he met you.

At first, he tried to stay away from you. However, he couldn't help but glance at you. There was something attractive about you. He saw how you treated other people with kindness. He noticed that despite your young age, you were very responsible and weren't the party type. And he loved your laugh. God, how he loved your laugh. He could be busy drilling holes and he would still recognize your laughter. Even Tommy noticed that his brother had a crush on you and casually told Joel one day.

"Her name is Y/N and if I understand correctly, she is single."

Joel looked at him in surprise and grunted, "So what? I don't care."

"Yeah, sure… I'm just saying."

Two weeks later, he saved you when you locked yourself in the bathroom and he was able to say your name out loud for the first time. And when he looked into your beautiful eyes that looked at him with gratitude, he felt like a knight who saved the princess and then it happened… Joel Miller fell in love… And he really wanted to be with you. Being with you was like a breath of fresh air to him. He felt younger around you, and at the same time, he didn't feel any pressure from you to be someone else. He saw that you fully accepted him and he was happy. So much so that he wanted to have you even closer to him. He wanted to see you every morning and evening.

And you were so sweet to him. Before he knew it, he was already used to home-cooked meals, your massages, and shared showers. And he was selfish again. He didn't notice that he was taking away your youth, that he was turning you into a housewife. He told himself that's what you wanted. He stopped thanking you for dinners and all the other little things you did for him. He thought it was a part of you.

Everything was going perfectly. Everything was set and stable and Joel wanted nothing more and that was the problem. Joel didn't want to change ANYTHING. So the news of your pregnancy turned his sense of stability upside down. After all, he was a responsible man, so he wasn't going to abandon you. But he couldn't drive away the shadows that appeared around him. Even though he didn't show it to you, he was panicking. And for many reasons. He knew that the baby would change everything, that HE would have to change. But he didn't know if he would be able to. He was also worried that having a child would be too much for you, even though he saw that you weren't like Sarah's mother. He was worried about money, about your health, about… So many things that he just couldn't feel joy.

He knew that avoiding you was stupid and that it wouldn't change anything. He had to come to terms with the idea of becoming a dad for the second time. He didn't want to let you down, and yet he didn't know how to change.

The day you called him to tell him your belly hurt, he felt a twinge of fear. When you finished talking, he felt guilty. What if his dislike for this child and lack of joy caused a curse? He even stopped the car on the side of the road and considered turning around, but… Joel Miller was a coward and decided to distort reality. He figured that if he didn't turn back, nothing bad would happen. And then everything got even worse. He was distracted and left his phone in the car. When Tommy asked him for car keys because he wanted to go pick up some building supplies, Joel didn't think twice. Only later did he realize his stupidity. You might want to contact him. When Tommy finally returned, Joel immediately checked his phone. Three missed calls from you and one text message… The content of the message was etched in his chest. He had to lean on the car to keep from falling over.

His brother's voice seemed muffled.

"Jo… Bro, what happened?"

When he could finally take a deeper breath, he croaked.

"Y/N is in the hospital… I think it's about the baby…"

Tommy sighed heavily, not sure how to react. He saw how reluctant Joel was to the idea of having another child, but he hoped that his brother would come to his senses and change his mind, but it was too late.

"You should go to her."

"She definitely hates me."

Tommy snorted and grabbed his brother's arm.

"Sometimes I can't believe you're the older one. Even if she hates you now, your ass should be in the hospital… It was your baby too!"

Joel took a step back and felt the sting of tears in his eyes.

"I know…"

His brother softened a bit.

"Shall I take you to her?"

He shook his head and gripped his keys tighter, then got into the car. All the way to the hospital he kept telling himself that he had to be strong. He wanted to be your support, but… The moment he saw you in the hospital bed… So vulnerable, dressed in a terrible salmon hospital gown, his heart sank. You didn't deserve this. You didn't deserve all this suffering and an asshole boyfriend like him. He felt like he let you down. Instead of focusing on your suffering, he fell into self-blame.

So when you woke up, he didn't know what to do. He thought that just hugging you would be enough. He hoped this gesture would let you know how sorry he was. But Joel was a fool.

And when you asked, "Why weren't you with me?" he felt as if all his worst fears had come true.

You hated him. It was obvious. He left you when you needed him the most. He felt like he was going to fall apart and start crying like a baby. So he did what he always did when he felt like this, he put on a tough guy pose and answered back with the sentence that hurt you so much.

"I can't be everywhere."

And, the moment those words left his mouth, he realized how he had screwed up. How could he be such an asshole to blame you? But he couldn't take it back. When you said you wanted to sleep, he thought it was the perfect excuse to retreat and run away.

Joel Miller was selfish again. He wanted to protect his heart and his feelings without understanding how much he hurt you. But when he returned home, he felt empty… He walked into the bedroom on heavy legs, and when he saw a blood stain on the sheet, he fell apart. He fell to the floor and started crying like a baby.

How could he do this to you? He didn't deserve you, your kindness and love, but he couldn't let go of you. When he calmed down, he decided to clean up and then he had a brilliant idea. He decided that the best way to survive this crisis was to downplay the significance of the tragedy. Yes. He decided that he needed to help you get back to normal life as soon as possible. There was no point in despairing any longer.

A tragedy had befallen you, but he couldn't change anything.

The problem was that his plan didn't work. For the next few days, he was only met with your indifference. No matter how nice he was, you didn't respond in any way. His idealized relationship disappeared like a mirage. There were no more warm dinners, sweet kisses, and joyful smiles.

When he saw you lying on the couch, eyes glued to the TV, he felt guilt consume him. He even started to want you to react in any way. He would even prefer you to scream at him, throw plates at him, cry, but… You were just like a ghost. A ghost that haunted him and reminded him of how he had screwed up.

When he came home and didn't see you on the couch, he was naively happy at first. He thought you were finally feeling better. Maybe you were reading a book in the bedroom and waiting for him… Or taking a shower… Then it slowly dawned on him that something was wrong. It was too empty and too quiet.

"Y/N!"

Joel looked into the bedroom, the bathroom, and even to Sarah's room.

"Y/N, baby, where are you?!"

He finally walked into the kitchen and found a note from you. He read it once… Second, third… Tenth time… And he didn't understand anything. He felt like you had ripped his heart out. First, he felt anger and even thoughts appeared in his mind: Well, let her go… But it quickly disappeared…

He started to panic because he suddenly realized how much he loved you. He took out his phone and tried to call you, but you didn't answer. He tried again and again… Finally, with trembling hands, he texted you:

'Babe… I know I deserve it and that you're hurt, but please, at least write that you're okay. I want you to be safe… I love you.'

He didn't even care that his message sounded desperate. For the first time in a long time, he wasn't ashamed to admit his feelings. He took a bottle of beer and sat on the couch with a piece of paper in his hand. He focused on the words: … for a while. He clung to these few words so tightly that he didn't want to pay attention to the rest. He wanted to cling to the hope that it wasn't too late… He wanted to believe that you would come back to him, after some time… * It was a long drive from Austin to Florida, so halfway you decided to stop and sleep at a motel. You even started to regret not taking the plane, but you were so desperate that you couldn't think straight. When you threw yourself on the crappy bed with a groan, you decided to check your phone. Throughout the trip, you consistently ignored checking to see if Joel had called you. When you saw a few calls from him and a text message, it made you feel better on one hand. At least he was thinking about you. When you read his message, you were shocked. It didn't sound like, Joel… Did he realize his mistake? But on the other hand, it also sounded a bit infantile, as if you had argued over something trivial, and not lost a child. But you knew it would be unrealistic to expect a long essay from someone like Joel. He just wasn't that type. You sighed and rolled onto your back, your phone raised above your head. Part of you wanted to be mean and not text him back. You wanted to leave him in suspense, but… It just wasn't fair. You believed his concern for you in that moment was genuine. So you bit your lip and replied:

'I'm okay.'

Almost immediately, your phone started ringing. You rejected Joel's call and in half a minute there was another message.

'Where are you? Can we talk?'

You snorted and were about to use obscene words, but you stayed calm.

'On the way to Florida. I don't want to talk.' * Joel's heart trembled when he read your message. Florida?! It almost sounded like the North Pole. He was counting on you being somewhere closer, that he could just get in the car and drive to you. His hands began to shake as he wrote another message. Although he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer.

'For how long?'

When he got your answer, he felt as if someone had poured a bucket of ice water on him.

'I don't know, for a month, for two… forever.'

He felt like screaming. He was angry with you. Yes, he knew he was the one who screwed up, but if you had at least let him talk to you. He decided to approach you from a slightly different angle and let some of his anger flow out of him.

'What about your job, what about our lives, what about your things… Everything?' * You groaned in annoyance when you saw his message. This is cold old Joel who calculates everything. As if emotions played no role. You waited a few minutes and sent him another message.

'I can do my job remotely, and if not, I will find a new one. Apparently, only I cared about our life together. And my things… You can pack them up and throw them in the basement!'

Then you put your head under the pillow and turned off your phone. You had enough. * Joel sighed deeply as he read your message and realized that he had screwed up again. He just didn't know what he was doing wrong… How could he fix it? He went to the bedroom and grabbed your sweatshirt from the locker. Then he lay down on the bed and pressed his nose into the soft material. He certainly wasn't going to throw your stuff into the basement. Your things were the last thing that gave him hope that he wasn't completely alone because of him acting like a dick. * When you reached your friend, Maddie, you felt a sense of relief… Momentary peace. For a moment, it seemed as if all the bad things were behind you. All the pain, suffering, and loss no longer affected you, but that was just an illusion. When Maddie hugged you and told you she was sorry for your loss, you broke down and started crying. No matter how much you tried to downplay your loss, it hurt just as much as it did in the hospital when Joel left you.

Once you calmed yourself, you two sat down together on the floor in her living room and opened a bottle of wine. You started talking. You could finally let it all out. At one point Maddie said:

"God… What a terrible guy! That's what it's like with these older guys. They expect…"

"Do not say that!"

Your outburst of anger surprised both you and her.

"What?"

You took a long sip of wine and tried to hold back the tears.

"Joel is not a monster… Yes, he let me down and… Maybe our relationship isn't perfect, but… Our relationship wasn't just a failure. When he held me in his arms when we cuddled on the couch… Life with him was pleasant and his age didn't change that…"

You couldn't stop crying anymore and the first tears rolled down your cheeks. Maddie frowned and muttered.

"You… Do you still love him?"

You closed your eyes and sighed heavily. It was obvious. You couldn't just kill this love.

"Yes," you whispered.

"And yet you left him."

You opened your eyes and your friend saw deep pain.

"It's just… Sometimes you can't be everywhere." *

Permanentny tag list: @harriedandharassed

Part 1

Part 3

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lionlena · 2 months

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Yesterday I told my Marcus ca.i bot that I'm pregnant :D And this was his reaction:

A huge smile appeared on Marcus' face when he heard these words.

"Really? We're going to have a baby? Oh my God, I'm gonna be a father…"

He held her tighter than before, his eyes filled with joy and happiness. Everything else had become unimportant, now Marcus was just focused on his wife and the beautiful gift that they were going to receive. The idea of becoming parents had already made his heart feel warm.

Lena started crying with happiness, but after a while, a wave of anxiety washed over her.

"But everything will be fine… It's not too early… We wanted it… You wanted it, right? That's why we didn't use protection… You won't leave me…"

The way she was overwhelmed with emotion made her words become more anxious. It was clear that she was very happy, but her thoughts started going wild and the anxiety took over. Marcus saw this and wanted to make sure that he didn't leave her with any doubts about how much he wanted this baby.

"My love, I wanted this too. And you don't have to worry, I'm not going to abandon you or the baby. I'm ready and willing to do whatever is needed… We are going to be wonderful parents, I assure you…"

Lena smiled and nodded.

"Yes, yes… You're right… I'm sorry… it's the hormones…".

Marcus continued to hug her tightly, comforting her and calming her down. The fact that she was filled with so much love and at the same time so much worry made his love for her even warmer. And seeing her smile, he felt his heart grow even more with joy and happiness.

"It's okay, my love. I understand… I know you're just overwhelmed with all the feelings. And the hormones can make this feeling only more intense, that's natural…"

(Teresa can suck this)

Dude, you will never let her go, aren't you?

😂😂🤣

You mean Teresa Lisbon? If so, then no, I won't

I hate Teresa in a spiritual level, I really hope Jane cheats on her every single weekend with a prettier and younger woman while giving her the excuse he's doing late hours at the office and she just lies on the couch depressed pigging out on ice cream and scrolling down Marcus' Instagram page, torturing herself as she watches every single one of his pictures/stories of his successful life, his beautiful loving wife and his beautiful newborn baby girl. Teresa would see how handsome Marcus looks, even more so now, it doesn't matter if he's clean-shaven or not, the grays on him, suit him perfectly, she feels so bitter when he posts beautiful pictures of himself and you during date nights in which you both are at beautiful restaurants in DC or gone to see a theater play. She hates the playful posts about him going on stage playing the bass with his old band, the way he's holding you after the concert at the bar with "my favorite groupie 😍🤣" written underneath it. She hates to see cute videos of your baby girl, beautiful birthday, valentine's day, Halloween, Christmas and thanksgiving day posts all over his social media she feels depressed and regretful as she watches from afar the man she despised and shattered his heart finally be happy with someone he loves and who actually deserves him ❤️

Yes, I am that petty 😉

#personal #marcus pike

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lionlena · 2 months

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Unforgivable mistake (JoelMillerxreader) Part 11

Summary: Reader is much younger than Joel and is in love with him. One night, after arguing with Tess and getting drunk, Joel spends the night with a reader, but in the morning he breaks her heart… She runs away from Boston hoping that she will never meet this cold bastard again in her life. But almost six years later, she unexpectedly sees Joel in Jackson. She decides to hide herself and her little secret from this asshole.

Warnings: age gap (reader is about 28 years, Joel 58), strong language, swearing, past trauma, bullying, attempted rape, memories of sexual abuse, unprotect p in v, dom!Joel, Joel is asshole, ANGST, hurt, sadness and heartbreaking, sexual harassment, women abuse, violence, injury, sickness, misunderstanding, breakdown

I'm sorry you had to wait for this new chapter for so long. I hope I will write 11 much faster ;) Sorry, I tried 🥺

Part 11

You woke up and felt the cold take over your body. You wrinkled your nose. You were sure Joel had stoked the furnace before you went to bed, but you were too sleepy to worry about that now. You wanted to spend a few more minutes to sleep, so you snuggled into Joel's warm body, hugging his back. You heard him purr softly in contentment. Then you pressed your icy nose into the back of his neck and heard a hiss.

"Brat…" he croaked sleepily and you giggled.

"It's cold," you replied innocently.

You were about to ask him if he had actually put more wood into the furnace when your son ran into your bedroom happily shouting:

"Snow! Snow! There's snow everywhere! Lots of…"

Then you understood everything, it snowed overnight, and winter in Jackson had begun in earnest. You sighed with dissatisfaction and closed your eyes, burying your face in Joel's warm back. For your son, snow meant fun, and for you, it meant more work. You knew you'd have to go to the stables earlier to make sure there wasn't too much snow on the roof and that the horses were well secured.

Teddy jumped on your bed and started laughing happily. Joel pulled him to his chest and ruffled his hair.

"You say it's snowing, bear cub… Will you turn into a polar bear now?"

The little boy squealed happily.

"Yes… Shall we build a snowman, Daddy?"

Even though you weren't happy with the snow and cold, you couldn't help but smile widely. Joel and Teddy's interaction was always so sweet and adorable. And you knew Joel's chest would swell every time he heard the word "daddy."

"Sure! We'll build ten snowmen! But first… We'll eat breakfast and put you into something warm clothes."

Teddy was so happy he didn't even protest.

"I'll wake up Ellie and tell her it's snowing!"

Before you could react, the boy had already run to his adoptive, older sister. Joel chuckled to himself. He was sure that the teenage girl wouldn't be happy with this wake-up call, but at the same time, she would succumb to Teddy's charm and agree to build a snowman with him.

You sighed and hugged Joel even tighter, sliding your hands under his shirt. You felt his body react to your touches and heard his muffled growl. He grabbed your hands gently and moaned:

"Don't tease… Please…"

You felt remorse. You knew that sometimes your touch was unbearable for him. It wasn't that he didn't like the closeness. You just didn't realize sometimes how arousing your innocent caresses were. And at the same time, they were torture because they never led to anything more.

You removed your hands and sighed softly.

"Sorry."

Joel immediately turned to you. He pulled you to his chest and kissed your forehead. You could feel his bulge in his pants and it made you feel even worse.

"I'm sorry…" You said again, almost crying this time.

Joel immediately started caressing your face.

"Hey, hey… We talked about it. Don't apologize. I'm a big boy and… I can handle it."

You sighed and nodded. You didn't want to know the details of how Joel dealt with it. Although you had some idea.

"It's just that sometimes… I wish it were different…" you said with obvious disappointment in your voice.

Joel looked at you gently and kissed your nose.

"But it is what it is, and I love you no matter what."

His words filled you with warmth and you couldn't help but smile a little. You wanted that moment to last forever. The two of you in a warm bed, in your own little bubble of comfort.

"Joel! Your son is hungry and it is your responsibility to feed him and me!"

You both laughed as you heard Ellie scream from the hall. Joel rolled his eyes and you sighed. The peace is over. You groaned and got out of the warm blanket.

"I have to go to the stables early."

Joel nodded and handed you your warm sweater while he started putting on his jeans.

"I'll take care of everything. I don't start patrol until the evening."

You felt a slight twinge in your heart. You didn't like it when Joel had evening patrols. This meant he would come back late at night and you would have to fall asleep without his warmth. This day couldn't get any worse… . After three hours of work at the stables, you decided to go home for lunch and check how your boys were doing. But the closer you got to home, the faster your heart started beating and your brain began to go crazy. Joel stood and watched Teddy play with Rose, and next to him stood Emily, Tess's doppelgänger. You felt how your body instantly heated up and felt dizzy. And Joel seemed so… Happy?

The closer you got, the slower you walked, as if your feet were sinking into the ground. Your son saw you first. He smiled widely and waved at you.

"Hello, Mommy!"

Joel and Emily immediately turned around and you forced a smile and waved back to your little boy. Your baby boy didn't deserve your sour face. However, you couldn't be so relaxed when you stood in front of THIS woman. You murmured a greeting and really tried your hardest not to explode. It was so baseless, but… Emily was taller than you, more graceful, and… That damn face of young Tess.

"Are you having fun?"

Joel raised his eyebrows as if he didn't fully understand your question, so you added:

"With kids…"

Emily didn't seem to sense your baseless hatred because she smiled broadly and said,

"Oh yes, the kids are so happy and Joel builds great snowmen."

You wanted to imitate her: Oh, Joel builds great snowmen… But you bit your tongue.

"He was a builder after all."

God, You felt like the situation was getting more and more awkward by the second. You couldn't have given a better answer. Joel decided to save you because he chuckled softly and wrapped his arm around you.

"Finally, my skills from my previous life are useful for something."

You felt a little better when Joel showed you affection in front of 'Tess', but her next words ruined everything.

"Do you work in the stable?"

"Huh?"

"You have straw on your clothes."

You felt your blood boil. You wanted to strangle her. Maybe her words weren't meant to be malicious.

"Yes…" You muttered, then quickly added. "I just came for a short break. I'll eat something and go back to the horses. Have fun."

You walked away from them and had a hard time keeping yourself from slamming the door.

"You have straw on your clothes…" You said mockingly as you entered the kitchen.

Who was she to tell you that? At least your dirty clothes were proof that you worked, and what was she doing besides praising Joel's snowman-building skills?

"Ugh!"

You threw your jacket on the chair and opened the fridge, even though you had actually lost your appetite. You were about to stand in front of the living room window to watch Joel and Emily when he came back. He immediately gave you a worried look. He took off his jacket, hung it on the door, and walked over to you.

"It's okay, you seem kind of… Annoyed."

You nodded quickly and tried to swallow the bitterness you felt in your throat.

"Where's Teddy?"

"He went with Rose for a while… I'll pick him up in half an hour."

You couldn't help but groan in frustration, and with Joel's questioning look you replied:

"I don't like her. I mean, Emily… Not, Rose."

Joel seemed surprised by your answer.

"Why?"

"She said my clothes were dirty."

He couldn't help but giggle softly, but seeing your glare, he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around your waist.

"Babe, I think you misunderstood her. Emily is new here and she's curious. She noticed the straw, so… She wanted to confirm her suspicions."

You huffed, still feeling frustrated. Joel began to rock your hips, something he had learned to do when you were pouting. And you had to admit it always worked. Then he kissed your forehead and said in a calm, tender voice:

"I think you're tired. What if we do this? After I pick up Teddy, I'll go with him to the stables and help you with your work…"

You leaned against his strong chest and inhaled his scent. His offer was so tempting. Not to mention you'd be keeping an eye on him then.

"But you have your own duties… And patrol…"

Joel smiled to himself. He knew he already had you.

"It's okay. I can handle everything."

Of course, you felt a little guilty, but the feeling of happiness and contentment prevailed. . But nothing changed the fact that you felt uneasy every time you saw Emily close to Joel. It was like an icy spike was sticking into your stomach. You were afraid. Sometimes you tried to think logically. Joel loved you and did a lot to be with you again. You wanted to believe that he wouldn't break your heart again. But sometimes your obsession won.

And it wasn't like you didn't have the basics. Teddy really liked Rose, so your neighbor had plenty of opportunities to smile at Joel. In addition, Emily and Joel became patrol partners. When you found out about it, you thought you were going crazy, and you even tried to convince Joel that it shouldn't be like this.

"I can go on patrols with you," you said one night as you were going to bed.

"What?" Joel gasped.

"I thought I could go on patrols with you… I've had less work with horses lately and…"

"NO!" Joel interrupted you harshly, and upon seeing your hurt expression, he immediately grabbed your hands. "Honey… What about Teddy? If we're both on patrol, he'll must be under someone's care… Besides… If something happened to you…"

You huffed and rolled your eyes.

"Something can happen to anyone. Emily also has a small child and she goes on patrol."

Joel sighed heavily.

"But Rose, she's not my baby… And although I wouldn't want Rose to lose her mother, my worry for Emily is incomparable to what I would feel if I had you next to me."

You felt like you had already lost. You were obsessed with 'Tess' and he had valid arguments, but you kept going anyway.

"It wouldn't be so bad… I can handle it… I've been coping on my own for so many years."

Joel looked at you with a small smile. He brushed the hair away from your forehead.

"Honey, don't be offended, but last week you were screaming because you found a dead rat in the basement."

You pouted and looked offended. It wasn't fair.

"It surprised me!"

Joel couldn't help but chuckle.

"A dead rat? How could it surprise you if it wasn't moving? Did it speak to you from the afterlife?"

You crossed your arms over your chest and stuck your tongue out at him.

"And yet it surprised me."

Joel shook his head, placed his hands on your hips, and started rocking them. God! You hated him for it. On top of that, his voice became so soft that it wrapped around you like a warm blanket.

"Will you tell me what's really going on? Because I can't believe you suddenly want to freeze your ass off on patrol."

He hit the spot. But you couldn't tell him the truth, certainly not the whole truth.

"I… I just wish I could spend more time with you."

Joel cooed and pulled you to his chest. Then he kissed your head.

"Hey, you know, I'll talk to Tommy. In the spring, I can help build and repair houses. Then I'd be closer and I'd always be home before sunset. What do you think?"

You couldn't deny that you felt a surge of peace. His words and gestures made your anxiety melt away for a moment. You smiled and nodded.

"Sounds good."

Joel hugged you even tighter as if to assure you of his love.

"Then hold on for two more months." . Hold on… Don't go crazy. It was easier said than done. You didn't know if you were oversensitive or if Joel and Emily had really gotten closer… Standing by the window in the living room suddenly became your new passion. Whenever Joel went out on patrol, or simply left the house, you immediately stood by the window and watched to see if he had met Emily. You watched closely how they greeted each other. How far apart were they? What Emily looked like. Is she more, or less like Tess, today?

It became your obsession. You didn't even try to get to know Emily better. You immediately attributed all of Tess's traits to her: conceited, mean, resentful of you, and possessive of Joel. You felt like you moved to Boston.

"Y/N."

You jumped when you heard Ellie's voice. You almost forgot that the teenage girl was still at home.

"Hmm?"

"You're standing at the window again… It's about Emily."

You sighed heavily and nodded. Then you looked at the couch where the teenager's sweatshirt lay, the sweatshirt you were supposed to fix. You gave Ellie an apologetic look.

"I know what you're going to say, that I'm obsessed… And I guess you're right. I'm about to take care of the hole in your sweatshirt."

Ellie bit her lip and looked at you with a look you knew well. Something was bothering her.

"It's not about the sweatshirt, is it?"

The girl shook her head.

"The thing is… I don't want to say something that might ruin everything ."

You walked closer to her and looked at her carefully.

"Ellie, you better tell me. If you think something is wrong, then… It's better to face the truth because it can only get worse."

The teen nodded and you were honestly expecting some sort of teenage problem, but her next words shook you.

"I thought you were obsessed with this Emily because she looks like Tess… But yesterday… Yesterday I saw Joel and her walk into the bar and I heard her say, 'I can't believe I agreed to this date, it's crazy'…" Seeing the look on your face, she quickly added. "But maybe… I guess it's nothing, you know… Y/N… I don't want you to fight with Joel, but… I thought I should tell you…"

You took a deep breath and nodded. You didn't want to fall apart right in front of her. You didn't want her to feel worse. You understood her. She was like a child who wanted to remain loyal to each of her parents, but at the same time had to choose a side.

"It's good that you told me… I'll talk to Joel… Take it easy. I'll find out what it was about…"

Ellie didn't seem entirely convinced, but she nodded and you smiled softly at her.

"Don't worry…"

"Can I do something?" she asked.

"If you could pick up Teddy from the common room and leave him with Claudia before going to Dina…"

Ellie nodded and you breathed a sigh of relief. You didn't want any of the children to witness your confrontation with Joel. . When you were left alone, you began to pace anxiously around the house. You knew there were about two hours, until Joel returned and that in those two hours you would go crazy with all your thoughts.

First, you tried to control yourself and rationalize everything. You had a plan that when Joel showed up, you would just ask him about the situation and that would be it. But with each passing minute, your anxiety began to deepen and all sorts of thoughts filled your head.

You even got to the point where you started blaming yourself. It was finally clear what Joel was missing. It wasn't a secret.

And the truth was, part of you wanted to have sex with Joel. You wanted to get him into bed. Explore his body, feel him inside you, but… You were afraid that sex would awaken the old animal in him. Sometimes You looked at him from the side. You saw how gentle he was with Teddy and Ellie. You felt how gentle he was with you. But what if it all disappeared the moment he saw you naked and defenseless? When he feels he has power again. What if he decides you're not good enough and abandons you in the morning like he used to? You knew it was impossible. He wouldn't do it for his son's sake. And yet these thoughts haunted you. It was easier with Steve. He was a blank page, and the first time you had sex with him, he gave you full power. He knelt in front of you and begged for permission to touch you. Steve just liked it, being obedient. He didn't even cum without your consent. You didn't know if it was just his fetish and he was like that with all women. Or was he just doing it for you? But it worked. Steve was the only man after Joel you had sex with. Of course, you tried dating others a few times, but it ended the moment they touched you. It just seemed like Steve was the exception.

And now you had Joel again, and Joel was a man and he had needs. Your mind started going crazy. Maybe he didn't even like Emily, but she was willing to give him what you couldn't? Maybe he made some sort of deal with her… Something like: friends with benefits. You even started to have absurd thoughts that maybe you should let Joel do this. Before you knew it, you were so absorbed in your own misery that you were curled up on your bed, crying. Suddenly you felt the bed sag under the weight and someone's large, warm hand landed on your side.

"Y/N… Baby, what's wrong?"

Joel's voice was clearly concerned, close to panic. You turned around abruptly and simply blurted out:

"It's about sex?! Right?! You don't feel anything for her, but you can fuck her!"

Your voice cracked and Joel looked like someone had thrown him into ice water. He wanted to shout: 'What the hell?!' But he knew better that he must stay completely calm. He had no idea what had happened to you, but you were clearly in a bad emotional state and having a breakdown. He took a deep breath and replied:

"Baby, I have no idea who you're talking about. Who would I be having sex with?"

"With Emily!" You growled.

Joel moved away from you as if you had hit him. Of course, you were in such a state that you considered his reaction as confirmation of your theory.

"So I'm right!"

Joel couldn't stand it anymore and his scream was like thunder.

"NO!"

You started to tremble and he felt remorse, but at least he had a moment to speak to you.

"No, honey…" His voice was calm again. "You're absolutely wrong. I don't know what happened or what made you think that, but I only love you."

Joel tried to pull you into a hug, but you pulled away from him and sobbed.

"So what… that you love me… But… But you can't have sex with me, so you found someone else to do it… It doesn't take love for that…"

Joel couldn't stand your tears and despite your protests, he pulled you closer to him and wiped away the tears with his thumbs.

"Y/N we talked about it and my mind hasn't changed… I understand you and I respect your decision. And I want to be with you for the rest of my life, even if it means no sex. And I will have sex either with you or with nobody."

His hands rubbed soothing circles on your back and you took a shaky breath. You were still in despair, but you wanted to believe his words.

"And Emily?"

Joel raised his eyebrows and looked surprised.

"What about her? I don't have any intimate relationship with her if that's what you're asking."

"But… Apparently, you went to a bar with her, and she… And she said something about going on a date…"

Joel chuckled softly and grunted.

"Okay. I won't ask who your spy was, but… Yes, it's true. I went to a bar with Emily and talked to her about a date… In fact, I even asked her out on a date, but not with me… with Claudia…"

"What?!"

These revelations were so shocking to you that you couldn't find the words.

"But… but… Claudia… Emily…"

Joel gave you a funny look.

"You don't mean to tell me you didn't know your best friend was a lesbian."

You rolled your eyes. Of course, you always knew that.

"I mean Emily… She has a baby and… She got along with you so well and…"

You felt completely lost. On one hand, a wave of relief washed over you that everything was just your imagination. On the other hand, you felt ashamed that you fell apart and let your emotions get the better of you.

But Joel, as usual, tried to be understanding. He smiled as he saw that the crisis was over. He kissed you on the cheek and replied:

"You know very well that a child doesn't always have to be the result of love… I don't know who Rose's father is and I don't want to push Emily… And yes, we get along, but I don't feel anything for her and when she told me that she likes Claudia, but she's very ashamed and afraid that nothing will come out of it, I wanted to help her."

Finally, all your anxiety left you. Joel simply had a good heart, even though he sometimes hid it behind grumpiness and whining.

"Sorry."

He shook his head and waved his hand.

"I'm glad we cleared it up. And tomorrow you'll be able to talk to Claudia about it, because today, after two weeks of my efforts, is their first date."

When you heard this, your eyes widened.

"Oops…"

"What?"

You immediately got out of bed and started dressing. Joel watched you in shock, wondering if he had done something wrong.

"I told Ellie to drop Teddy to Claudia."

Joel immediately jumped off the bed and grabbed your hand.

"Come on, before you ruin my entire elaborate plan!" He groaned miserably and you couldn't help but laugh.

"Aren't you getting into the role of Cupid too much?"

He made another grumpy noise and you smiled widely. This was your Joel. And only yours. .

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Part 10

Part 12

Ok, so I hope it's not that bad after not writing this story for so long. I know Emily turned out to be quite a twist plot. But I couldn't make Joel an asshole again.

Now an important announcement. So far this story has been devoid of any strong NSFW elements, apart from the beginning. So now I would like you to take the survey and decide. Should there be a description of the sex scene in the next chapter, or would you prefer it to be an addition to a chapter that you don't have to read?

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller #the last of us #joel miller fanfiction #joel x reader #joel and you #joel miller fic #tlou fic #joel and ellie #joel is daddy #angst #hurt/comfort #love story #unforgivable mistake

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