#then i take it way too hard when they say they dont like me when at least i stepped up to take their class
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{ A little rockstar Eddie for you all this evening. Matchbox Twenty always gets me in my feelings about these two dont ask me why. I hope you guys enjoy! 🧡 }
He and Steve break up. It's gentle. And mutual. And it breaks both their hearts. Steve isn't happy on the road with him. And wasn't happy at home without him. So they agree to separate. To take time away. To grow, hopefully, both of them hoping they find their way back to each other.
They still text pretty frequently. But the main thing is, Eddie and Robin still text too. And she tells him she's gonna tell him something. That she's breaking her and Steve's sacred best friend oath, to tell Eddie this.
Steve's still not happy.
They're roommates, he and Robin. And she sees him getting sadder and sadder, missing Eddie. The only time she sees him smile is when he's talking to Eddie, either texting, or actually talking, or every now and then they all do video chats. And that's when Steve is happy. She tells Eddie. The HE makes Steve happy.
And Eddie can't just let that go. Cuz he's been miserable too. Not going out after shows anymore with the CC boys, just going back to the bus and texting Steve. The only thing that's making his days bright.
And he loves his music. He does. But god does he love Steve too.
So one night. Eddie and the boys are on a talk show. They play one of their new singles before the commercial break. And are supposed to play another at the end of the show. Steve goes to the bathroom for one second, and then Robin is yelling for him. He washes his hands runs back to the living room, hands still wet.
Robin has the tv paused, Eddie's face almost filling the screen.
"I rewound it a little just... here. I'm gonna... go in my room." And she tosses the remote at him and runs to her room. Steve feels nervous, looking at the tv, Eddie's larger than life face making him smile before he sits, pulls his lip between his teeth, and presses play.
"Alright so I know we're supposed to be playing a single of ours, but I gotta change things up. Cuz... I have something that needs saying, and Matchbox Twenty unfortunately already said it best, so..." he wipes at his head with his forearm, looking nervous, giddy.
"Here goes. Steve. If you're watching. And god I hope you are. This one's for you." He sighs, takes a step back and starts the song.
The first notes hit Steve like a freight train. His heart pounding in his ears, he turns the tv up and tucks his knees up to his chest, eyes locked on the screen.
Eddie's playing is old acoustic guitar, his hair falling in his face. He sings the first few lines, voice soft, and deep, and god Steve misses him so fucking much. And then he sings,
"You think I'm weak, I think you're wrong." And his eyes flick up at the end, looking right into the camera, right at Steve. He literally gasps, drops his feet to the floor and scoots to the edge of the couch, his hands shaking.
The next few lines are just as soft, his eyes moving away from the camera again, until he sings,
"And I think you're so mean, I think we should try." Little smirk on his mouth when he says it, Steve knowing Eddie loves when he's mean, loves when he's bitchy. But his brow furrows when he says he thinks we should try, and his voice shakes and Steve's hands move to cover his chest as he watches Eddie keep singing.
He looks straight into the camera again when he sings,
"Baby you need to come home." And Steve feels the first tear fall down his cheek. The music softens again but then Eddie's singing with that little smirk and Steve's breath catches.
"I bet you're hard to get over." The smirk melts to a smile and Eddie closes his eyes, sings,
"I bet the room just won't shine." He looks sad as he continues, until he gets to the next,
"And I think you're so mean." And he's smiling again, giving that knowing look to the camera again. Steve laughs, tears falling freely now. And then Eddie is frowning, his fingers moving over his guitar,
"I think I'm just scared, that I know too much." His head shaking.
"I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feelin. If you're gone," his voice goes rough, his eyes move to the camera again and Steve almost sobs, he knows that frustrated look, Eddie always feeling outside things, like he can't relate.
"Baby you need to come home, come home." The desperation in his voice has Steve sliding to his knees in front of the couch, hands still clasped against his chest, fingers moving toward his neck.
The house band kicks in then, orchestral backing to the CC boys playing and it's beautiful. Eddie smiles as he keeps singing, nodding their way.
He moves his eyes back to the camera and is basically pleading with Steve now, as he sings, and Steve is humming along as best he can, his throat full of fire, fingers wrapped there, pressing gently to ease the pain a little.
"I think I'm scared. Do I talk too much?" Eddie sings, his eyebrows furrowing with a mocking thoughtful expression, Steve laughs through a sob as he watches Eddie play, watches him sing, watches him ask Steve to come home.
The CC boys chime in soflty,
"Somethin in me." And Eddie follows them, softly too, but strong.
"Everything in."
The boys going even softer.
"Somethin in me in."
Eddie follows, voice going impossibly soft, eyes on the camera.
"In you."
And then the lights drop and it's just Eddie sitting in a spot light, he keeps his eyes on the camera and whispers,
"Please come home." And lowers his head, hair falling as he looks into his lap. The light stays on for a few more moments and then goes off.
The camera cuts to the host, looking a little teary eyed themselves, and they call for commercial and Steve loses it. He hunches over and is claws at his chest, sobs falling silently past his lips. He gasps a few times, falling to his butt on the floor, trying to catch his breathe.
"They're in Chicago in two days." Robin's watery voice cuts through his crying. He turns and sees her standing there, leaning against the wall near the hallway, arms wrapped around herself, her cheeks are wet too.
"I just bought us tickets. You should probably start packing now. We all know it takes you fucking forever." She rolls her eyes, wipes at her face, and laughs when Steve crashes into her.
She helps him pack. It takes him almost the full two days. Robin teasing him about it as they dash out the door to catch their train.
Robin texts Eddie that their coming. She doesn't tell him that Steve's planning on staying. Eddie puts them on the backstage pass list, gets them all the upgrades, and sends a pack of the good earplugs because he knows Steve always forgets his (he did).
Steve's waiting nervously in the dressing room after the show. Moves around. Doesn't know what to do with his hands suddenly. But as soon as the door swings open it doesn't matter.
Eddie is on him in seconds, a blur of hair and flailing limbs before he collides with Steve. And then they're both crying, holding each other, swaying on the spot. Eddie breaks first, sobs,
"Are you staying?" He sniffles, hands moving over Steve's face, wiping his tears. Steve's already nodding, smiling, and crying, and wiping at Eddie's face too.
"Yeah. Yeah for as long as you'll have me." Steve laughs, sobs, pulls Eddie close again. Eddie kisses his shoulder and squeezes him and then pulls back and looks... shy? His cheeks are flushed from crying but he won't meet Steve's eyes when he says,
"Good. Cuz I might have done something crazy." Eddie says, giving a small smiley cringe as he finally looks at Steve.
"Crazy like not playing a new single on late night tv so you can serenade me with Matchbox Twenty?" Steve laughs, his heart pounding, feeling giddy. Eddie laughs, kisses Steve, pulls back, his head shaking.
"Oh it's way crazier than that." Eddie laughs, his eyes wild.
"Oh god what did you do?" Steve laughs, feeling manic, his hands not leaving Eddie, holding onto his arms.
"I bought a house." Eddie says, laughs, high in his throat.
"You-"
"I bought, us, a house. You and me." Eddie nods, cups Steve's cheeks.
"I meant what I said. I wanted you to come home. I just... hadn't mentioned that I bought one, for you to come home to." Eddie's smile wavers for a moment, and Steve barks a laugh.
"You bought us a house." He says through his laughter, Eddie smile coming back, it starts soft, and then gets big, wide, bright and shiny the way Steve loves it.
"I did, yeah." He's still nodding, cheeks dimpled as Steve clings to him, still laughing.
"We have a house!" He yells at the ceiling as he starts jumping in place.
"We have a house!" Eddie echoes, jumping along with him. They keep saying it, laughing, and jumping, and holding on to each other as they shout their excitement, giggling maniacally.
Eddie carries Steve over the threshold of their new home a week later. The rest of there tour cancled as the boys and the party all help them move in. It's nothing crazy, bigger than Steve's childhood home, but nothing too theatrical, surprisingly. It's out in the woods a ways, because Steve, despite all the shit that went down in Hawkins, loves being in the woods, in nature.
Steve cries off an on all day, because the house is perfect. Eddie had some personal touches added before they got there. It's the perfect mix of the both of them.
Steve settles into bed after they have everything unpacked, Eddie's arms wrapped around him, his nose buried in Steve's hair, feeling warm, and loved, and so fucking happy he has a place to call home. So fucking happy that the man he calls home, wanted a home with him.
#steddie#steddie fic#my fic#my writing#mine#steve harrington x eddie munson#steve x eddie#steddie ficlet#Fates Endless Inkwell#fei#Spotify
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Money, Money, Money! | sub!izuku midoriya
wc: 1.3k+ words | masterlist
dom!gn!reader, sub!pro-hero!izuku, sugar daddy x sugar baby relationship (reader is the sugar baby), degradation, bondage, financial domination, shoe humping, use of vibrator toys, gagging/choking, not really proof read
note: anon wanted the character to be changed to delu for context
AND GOD DAMN AM I PROUD OF THIS ONE
"Do you like it, baby?" izuku lifts his head up, his hazy, glassy eyes staring at the way the new outfit you just bought today looks on you. it looks incredible but he isn't able to voice that thought out, not when you've attached a ball choker around his head and in his mouth which prevents him from saying anything.
You smile when he nods eagerly, taking your sweet time to pose for him so he could see the entire outfit. Though you take longer than usual to do so, just so you could tease him.
You walk towards him, each loud step of your shoes on the floor making izuku's heart race at what going to happen next.
When you've reached him kneeling on the floor in front of the bed, you lick your lips at the delicious scene in front of you.
Drool is dripping down izuku's mouth as it drips onto his legs and even on his leaking cock. a vibrator toy sits attached to his hard dick, waiting to be turned on. his hands are tied behind is back and you dont even need to tie his legs apart, izuku is obedient enough to do that himself. His body is fully revealed to you and if you were to see him from behind, you would be able to see a vibrator toy in his ass too.
You coo at him. "look at you, already leaking like a whore when i haven't even touched you yet." Izuku whimpers but you see the way his dick twitches at your words, his face flushing a bright red. He’s been in this position for a hour now and his dick has been hard almost the entire time. everytime he moves, his dick bumps against his stomach and he can't help but let out a moan each time.
"what? don't lie, you really are a whore for me." You stand in front of him, looking down to stare at the hearts in his eyes. "after all, you let me do all sorts of stuff to you." You chuckle before remembering something.
"oh right! i almost forgot about the toys on you, let me just grab the remote it came with." You reach for the nearby remote before reading the instructions carefully. You just bought the toy today for him and you were eager to test it out, wanting to see all the reactions it would emit from izuku.
"they both came together so i assume they're connected somehow." You quickly scan the paper.
"it says here.. that if i press this button-" You press a button and izuku sudden jerks forward, his eyes widening and tears immediately prickling his eyes. He whines and shuts his eyes. You can hear the sound of vibrations and when you glance at the one attached to his dick, you see the way its vibrating.
Holy shit. You assumed it was going to work well since it costed quite a lot but you didnt know it would work this good. Izuku’s face scrunches up and you realize you started the vibrations on high but you don't move to lower it.
A muffled gasp escapes from him as the toy in his ass immediately hits a spot in him that makes pre cum spurt out of his dick. You watch in amusement as izuku quickly falls apart at the feeling of being played with from both sides. He can't think properly on whether or not he focusses on the pleasure coming from his dick or his ass.
Drool escapes through the openings of the choker and he stares up at you with glassy eyes, pleading you to take it off. And so you do, you want to hear all the adorable noises he lets out obviously.
Though when you move towards him to do so, you purposely bump your leg against his dick, pressing it against his chest. Izuku lets out a cry at the friction.
You’re then surprised to see cum shoot of his dick, staining his chest. You watch in shock and disbelief but izuku is quick to apologize now that the choker is off him.
"s-shit [name] ah!" Izuku whimpers when his dick immediately becomes hard again and he realizes you haven't turned off the vibrations. If anything, he feels you increase them, making him widen his eyes.
"wait! i-i didn't m-mean ngh to c-cum!" You narrow your eyes at him and you suddenly grab a fistful of his hair to yank his head back.
"but you did cum anyways, didn't you? without my permission too like a brat." Izuku hisses at the pain and shuts his eyes. He slowly nods, not wanting to disobey you.
He feels you let go of his hair and stare down at him with narrowed eyes. You’re looking at him like he’s some dirty plaything for you and while he is, fuck do you look hot doing it.
You feel some movement against your leg and you stare down, seeing his dick move against your leg. Izuku must be doing it subconsciously because when he follows your gaze, he gasps and stutters out another apology but you quickly cut him off.
"what, you want to hump my shoe or something? you want to be a dumb whore for me?"
Izuku bites his lip but he then nods eagerly and you let out a small laugh. It’s addicting, really. The feeling of having such power and control over someone who could easily overpower you. He could break out of the bondage right now but you know he won't. You know he wants to be a good boy for you.
You stick your foot out in front of his leaky dick, presenting your new fancy leather shoes that izuku assumes are really expensive.
Well he knows they were expensive actually, he bought them for you for you twos anniversary recently.
With almost no hesitation, Izuku begins grinding his dick against your shoe, groaning at the friction of the rough material against his sensitive member. He can’t help but lean forward to lay his cheek on your thigh and stare up at you as he falls apart from your shoe. You feel the way his dick vibrates from the toy attached.
“F-Fuck ah! Y-Your shoe feels s-so good, baby.” You giggle and lean down to wipe the drool from the corner of his lips, making his eyes flutter.
Since he’s still sensitive from his first orgasm, his second one quickly approaches and he’s quick to warn you. He lets out a groan as he stares up with you with glassy eyes and you already know what he’s asking for as his mind is probably too foggy to even ask or think properly.
You play with the remote in your hand before turning the toys to its highest setting, making Izuku let out a choked whimper.
“Go on, baby. You’ll be a good boy and cum for me right? You finally asked for permission this time.” Izuku nods rapidly as his pace against your shoe speeds up even more. He suddenly lets out a cry as cum shoots out of his dick and stains your shoe along with your lower leg.
You feign a pout. "my shoe is all ruined now!" Though izuku doesnt seem to care, only continuing to rut again your shoe even though he just came for the second time. The pleasure must've gotten to his head, you think as you watch in amusement. You glance down and see as his cum drips down your shoe and onto the floor underneath.
You use a finger to tilt his head upwards towards you, a small grin on your face. "but you'll buy me a new pair right? you'll be a good boy and do that for me, wont you?"
Izuku stares up at you dumbly, hearts practically in his eyes. He nods eagerly.
"anything for you, [name]."
ty for reading to the end! ❤ - chaepink
╰┈➤ masterlist | rules
#chaepink.nsfw#dom!reader#sub!character#dom reader#dom fem reader#sub!mha#sub character#sub izuku#izuku x reader#midoriya izuku#izuku midoriya#sub midoriya#midoriya smut#midoriya x reader#sub bnha#bnha smut#bnha fanfiction#bnha x reader#bnha#mha x y/n#sub mha#mha x you#my hero acadamia x reader#my hero academia x reader#izuku mydoria#dom gn reader#fem dom reader#mha smut#mha x reader#mha fanfiction
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Baby, you drive me crazy
ᥫ᭡ pairing: bf!jaehyun x fem!reader
ᥫ᭡ synopsis: there's no denying, Jaehyun is utterly crazy for you and he's determined to show you just how much whether it takes the whole night til' morning.
ᥫ᭡ tags/warnings: smut!, oral (f recieving), fingering, kissing/make-out, unprotected sex (dont forget to wrap it up!), hand job, nipple&breast play, blindfolding, creampie, multiple orgasms, cowgirl&mate-press, ossessive jae :0, cursing, pet-names (baby, darling)& name-calling (good girl)
ᥫ᭡ w.c: 2.5k
ᥫ᭡ a.n: erm… hey guysss!! its been over a week since my last fic && i decided to come back with another one! this one came to be while i was writing my previous one (if u haven’t checked it out here it is: a wish or two.)! honestly the inspiration for this lies on a song, 3D by jungkook… i love jaehyun so much i literally can’t stop writing abt him ㅠㅠ , i have my txt concert today, very much excited hehe!!! anyhow bye bye for now ;( i love u all && stay safe plss. jiji out 🤍 !!!
~~~~
we’d arrived back at my apartment after a long night. we went out to eat at this fancy italian restaurant, but dinner ended up being shorter than I expected. all because of jaehyun’s behavior.
I watched jaehyun as he shut the door, and took off his coat. I followed soon after taking off my coat.
“care to explain what that was about jae,” I asked as I took off my heels.
jaehyun faces me, “jealousy.” I looked at him puzzled, “you can’t be serious jae.”
“but of course I am,” he said, backing me into a wall. “you’re mine yet that stupid waiter has the audacity to look at you like some full course meal.”
“he was not,” I crossed my arms, rolling my eyes. “he so was, and right in front of me too!” he says, slightly raising his voice. ‘what’s up with him?’
“jae-“ he interrupts me. “you’re mine. all mine. now say it.”
i just stare at him, blank. ‘he can’t be serious right now.’ “why,” I muttered. he looks at me and smirks, “are you saying you’re not mine?”
“what? of course not!” I replied quickly. “then why aren’t you saying it,” he questions, he’s now a centimeter or two away from me.
“I-i’m yours.”
his smirks turns into a smile, “fuck do you drive me so utterly insane.” with a lift of his hand, he tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “i love you,” he kissed my cheek. “that’s why i do this shit because i love you,” he repeats.
“i love you so fucking much baby it’s driving me insane. I want to murder every fucker who even dares look your way.” he whispers into my ear. a small whimper leaves me; his words, closeness, and whispers send a warm sensation throughout my body.
he brings his lips to kiss my ear, then temple, cheek, and jaw, ghosting over my lips. oh god how i wanted him already.
“god, you're so beautiful. the things i would do to you right now,” he mutters.
I hesitated for a moment, “then show me.” I could feel as my face heated up from the embarrassment. I hear a small chuckle before he says, “oh I will baby.”
in a flash all clothing was gone from our bodies, lips clashing against each other. it wasn’t gentle, sweet, or delicate; it was rough, wet, and hot. jaehyun's tongue invading my mouth, and his hands rubbing all over my body as I straddled him. I could feel my wetness seeping into his thighs, and his semi-hard cock resting on my ass.
I moaned into the kiss whenever he would slap my ass harshly, and then grope it. he parted first, “you're leaking so much onto me, want me that bad huh?” he teases. “ye-yes please,” I begged him. I always turned into a fool, he’d turn me into a fool. however I wasn’t complaining.
“tell me then, fingers or tongue?” he questions me, as he sucks onto my neck. I was sure to wake up with a million love bites and marks tomorrow. “to-tongue!” I yelped when he sucked too harshly. I felt as he smiled, parting from my neck.
“lay down for me then darling.” I obliged, quickly laying on my back, spreading my legs open. “good girl,” he says, slapping my cunt. I moaned out his name and arching my back.
jaehyun kisses his way from my mouth, to my tits, stomach, and then my clit. his lips lingered on my clit for a while longer before licking a strip on my cunt. my legs immediately lock around his neck, hands gripping his hair. he kisses my inner thighs, sucking on the skin too. he give my right thigh one bite, making me lean towards his face. he lets out a breathy sigh before indulging me.
jaehyun begins with his kitten licks against my cunt. then moving onto giving my clit some attention. I feel as his lips wrap around the sensitive nerve. his fingers then pry open my folds. he sticks his tongue in for a second before pulling out. I could tell was all in effort to tease me. I groaned in frustration, I wanted him so badly. “patience baby, or else I won't hesitate to stop.” I stay still, and he begins again.
his tongue continues working against my folds and clit, licking and lapping everything up. “so sweet, pussy always tastin’ so yummy,” he mutters on my cunt. he devoured me like i was his last meal, like this would be the last time he could enjoy such a delicacy. his eyes flickered up to look at me as he slid his tongue in between my folds again. he teased my hole, poking his tongue in and then pulling out. with me one last lick he parting from my pussy. i whimpered at the loss of sensation.
“why’d you stop?” I looked at him. “because I wanna try something real quick,” he says mysteriously. I watched as jaehyun entered my closet, he seemed to be searching for something. that something ended up being a… ‘blindfold?’
he came back, his knees dipping into the mattress. I placed my hands on his chest, stopping him from getting closer. “wha-what are you doing?” I asked nervously.
jaehyun plasters on a smirk, “what does it look like, i’m blindfolding you.” I let out a small gasp as he wraps the fabric on my eyes. it was pitch black, but oddly enough this was turning me on. jaehyun was fulfilling his dark fantasy.
I could only feel what he was doing to me. his lips kissed my cheek, jaw, and lips in a gentle manner. his lips then moved along to my breasts. he engulfed one of my breasts into his mouth. he sucked on it before licking and biting on my nipple. the sensation caused me to squirm which only made him groan onto my breast.
meanwhile the other breast was being fondled by his hand. I felt as he continuously pinched my nipple with his fingers. those fingers and tongue of his were like magic, i was practically wet all over again. after a while he gave my other breast the same treatment, but his hand went further down.
he rubbed my clit with his thumb and used two of his fingers to rub my folds. he parts from my breast with a pop, “so wet all over again aren’t ya?” I nod my head, unable to speak. I felt his lips going back to my breasts, and his fingers working on my folds. then unexpectedly intruded into my hole. I moaned out his name, arching my back. being blindfolded like this was a new yet thrilling experience. i loved it.
I could hear the squelching sounds of my wet pussy as his fingers thrusted in and out of me. he groans on my tit when I clenched around his fingers. “mmm~ do-don’t st-stop!” I practically screamed. I was closer to cumming than usual, but I didn’t care I needed to cum so badly. he lets go of my breast, “you love that dont ya? love the blindfold?” “yes!” I screamed unconsciously. I hear as he lets out a chuckle, “you won’t stop clenching around me, you close aren’t ya?”
“ye-yes pl-please~ let me cum.” “how nice of you to beg, such a good girl you are,” he says. however, his actions prove otherwise. all sensations of my upcoming orgasm gone. jaehyun took his fingers out, “open your mouth.” I opened it, and he placed the fingers laced with my juices into my mouth. I sucked and licked his fingers clean, squirming underneath him. I just wanted to cum so badly at this point. I needed it.
he takes out his fingers from my mouth. “good girl now I think you deserve to cum don’t ya.” I chanted “yes!” and a satisfied groan erupted from him, before he went down. he placed my legs on his shoulders, in which I locked them around his neck. sweet kisses were placed on my inner thighs, with a bite or two along the way. that was until he reached my aching cunt.
he wastes no time this time around. jaehyun begins by licking a strip on my cunt before diving his tongue into my hole. I could only feel as his tongue pushed inside me, stretching me open. I buckled my hips forward, wanting his tongue to reach me even deeper. his hot breath came in contact with my clit, elevating the stimulation. I was losing it, wet patches of tears formed on the blindfold. the knot in my stomach tightened but was ready to break loose.
his tongue curled against my velvety gummy walls. so close, I was beginning to tighten around him. he thrusts his tongue inside, but then I feel something else inside me. I instinctively reach to pull the blindfold off. my eyes immediately to shooting to jaehyun. he had not only his tongue inside me now, but his fingers as well. “oh fuck!” I moan. jaehyun flicked his eyes up, his tongue out. “what a bad girl you are, why’d you take off the blindfold?” he questions licking my juices from his lips. I apologize, “I did it unconsciously!”
he laughs, before picking up the pace of his fingers. the rapid speed in which he thrusted within me was enough to have me crashing down. my pussy gushed out, I was embarrassed. my orgam evident, as it was all over jaehyun’s chest and arm. fuck.
“so messy,” he says, kissing my lips. when he pulls away, he starts licking his fingers clean. groaning and whispering how delicious I taste.
a moment later, jaehyun ended up laying beside me letting us rest, but I had no desire to rest. I got up and straddled him. one of my hands traveled to his cock. I used his pre-cum as a lubricant to stroke him. I jerked his cock at slow pace, wanting him to feel desperate and beg for me. however, jaehyun only let out groans, his face scrunching. “how cute,” I muttered. he opens his eyes, “what was that?” I shake my head, dismissing his question. before he can ask again, I lift my hips. jaehyun’s cock was still in my hold, it was rock hard now.
I aligned myself to his cock, sinking myself into him deeper and deeper. his length never failed to satisfy me. he was always so, “b-big!” I squealed. his hand slaps my ass, “and this tight pussy can never get used to it, huh.” I moaned at his words, clenching on his cock. once I got it all in I felt the fullness in my stomach. his tip touched my cervix so perfectly.
with his hands on my hips and mine on his chest, I began bouncing on him. I started slowly, getting myself adjusted to him first. after a while I began going faster, I watched as jaehyun kept his gaze at where we were conjoined. I bit my bottom lip, as I continued riding him. the pleasure was electrifying, his cock reached my deepest spots.
jaehyun’s gaze tore from where we were conjoined to my bouncing tits. the poor things were practically on top of his face, bouncing as I bounced on him. jaehyun took his hands to cup both breasts. he squeezed them together, bringing his mouth to my nipples. his tongue licked and glided on my nipples, but then he used his teeth to bite on my buds which elicited small moans from my mouth. “j-jae!” I called out for him. his eyes met mine, a small plastered on his face as he sucked on my nipple. “pl-please touch me here,” I asked, grabbing one of the hands on my tits down to my clit.
he lets go of my breasts, my statement and actions capturing his attention. “if that’s what my baby wants,” he says, capturing my lips in a filthy kiss. the kiss was supposed to be a distraction, a distraction from the way he rubbed and pinched on my clit. our kiss concealed my moans, I was getting so fucking close. he must’ve felt it too as I began clenching around his cock and slowing down my pace. he parts from the kiss, watching me intently as I finally reached my high. I threw my head back, rolling my eyes to the back as I spasmed around his cock. “fuck, you’re so beautiful,” he groans, lifting himself up a bit.
his hands stoked my back, his lips leaving a gentle kiss on my shoulder. his actions felt sweet, gentle, kind but I should’ve known. I should’ve known the man below was going to take control. jaehyun’s hands landed on my hips once again, lifting my hips and thrusting them back down. my thurst met his thrust, it was so overstimulating that tears began pooling out—fuck.
jaehyun’s pace was ruthless, uncomparable to mine. it was a good thing though when I felt jaehyun’s cock twitch inside me–a tell all sign that he was close. his thrust got sloppy, and a low moan erupted from him. his hot white seeds shot inside my womb.
“fu-fuck,” i said weakly against his neck. he chuckled before kissing my temple. “ready?” he says and before I could mutter a word he turns me with my back against the mattress.
“hold,” he says as he pressed my legs to my chest. I obeyed him, holding them while he jerked his cock. it didn’t take long before he was inside me again.
in this position he reached me even deeper, it felt like I was folded in half. I watched as he placed his hands on top of mine to maneuver himself before he began thrusting. his cock wrapped around my cunt for perfectly.
“so fucking tight,” he said through gritted teeth. his trusts were so rough that I was sent into an abyss. every ounce of my body felt the pleasure. i could only chant his name like a prayer, whimper, and say incoherent words. my brain and senses were gone, the only thoughts consuming me were him, his cock.
“pl-please! mm-more! don’t stop jae!” all I could hear was a low curse from him, before he bent my legs a little deeper. he ravaged me like an animal. at this point i was yelling, not caring about the neighbors or their sleep. i only cared for him.
suddenly the knot in stomach unleashed, my pussy tightened around his cock as my orgams came gushing out. it splattered all of his chest and thighs. it felt so relieving.
jaehyun bites his bottom lip, his cock twitching inside me once more. he kept going at it throughout my orgasm in an effort to reach his.
it wasn’t long before his seeds coated my walls again. “good girl, you did so good for me baby,” he says as fucks his seeds into me even deeper. a while later he finally pulls out, my pussy feeling a sudden emptiness. yet my womb felt so full.
I turned to my side, when jaehyun laid down beside me. he embraced me, the warmth radiating throughout my body. he kisses his way to my mouth, parting to say: “don’t think we’re even done yet. I promised to show you just how much I love ya even if it takes all night long.”
© jhdyuiee
2024.05.21
final a.n: thank you so much for reading! i hope this was a read you all enjoyed! live laugh love jaehyun 😛
#nct 127#nct#jaehyun#jeong jaehyun#jung jaehyun#jaehyun jeong#nct jaehyun#jaehyun nct#boyfriend jaehyun#nct boyfriend#jaehyun fluff#jaehyun smut#jaehyun x reader#jaehyun x y/n#jaehyun x you#nct fanfic#jaehyun fanfic#nct smut#nct scenarios#nct dojaejung#kpop fanfic#kpop#kpop smut#smut#nct x reader#kpop fic#nct x y/n#kpop community#kpop bias#jaehyun nct 127
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Hey there :)
So I have no problem with my bf dating other people, and recently hes started having sth with someone else. Good for them! Legit, no problem with that by itself
But.. now I'm being left on read a lot, like majority of the time it feels like, no matter the topic or time. I just feel.. forgotten, I think, or replaced idk. But it feels pretty bad.
I dont want them to think I'm jealous or mad, I just wish he would still show me the same attention/care as before. Ive talked about how left on read makes me very insecure, due to fake friends and person past experiences before so I dont want to bring it up again.. but it hurts. Idk what to do?
Bad news, babe. You're gonna have to say something again. The good news though is that you can productively procrastinate it, because there's some stuff I want you to do first.
But before I get into that, I let having a cool opening distract me from very important other things that need said: That sucks, and I'm really sorry, but you can make it through this.
Now then. Time to productively procrastinate a difficult conversation. Look, I'm procrastinating it more by making it a read more! (It, um, it is A Lot. I took "blogging platform" literally on this one😅)
It sucks. Believe me, it bothers me too when I can't hear from my partner📵📴 because they're with my meta. It has been A Problem I've had to work through, so I think I'm actually pretty qualified to give advice on this.
Some of what I have to say is going to smart (old-timey word for sting) a bit, so I want to make it clear that I understand where you're coming from, so you can trust the part that stings is necessary. I imagine its something like this:
You relationship with your boyfriend is great! So great, you're happy for him to have someone else to love! That's. That's so rare and incredible, its a love beyond what most will know. And then he takes that love and wads it up and throws it in the back seat to make room for this new schmuck. The love is still there, it's just... in the back seat. And you never thought that would happen, because the relationship is so good! And you already said something, so you worry you're being a nag, which you don't want, because you ARE happy for them, you're so happy for them... except when you're not because you can't be happy when he can't be bothered to text you back. Its not really so much to ask, and you EXPLAINED why its important to you, so why doesn't he seem to care? You communicated, you did your part, and it was hard and scary! Surely harder than texting you back would be! And you don't want to feel like this, but. There's this anxiety that... shouldn't he want to text you back? Isn't that how he would act if he really did still care about you just as much?
Any of that resonate? I don't know you, so maybe some of it was way off base🎯, I don't know. But I hope enough of it was close enough to right that you know I get it when I say:
This isn't just your boyfriend fucking it up. This is, in part, probably you asking something unreasonable. To give you the exact same level of time an energy as when it was just you too is a big ask. To be able to supercede his time with the other person any time you want is a big ask. If you're only okay with your boyfriend having someone else if it doesn't cut into your time at all, how okay with it are you actually?
So before you talk to him about it, you gotta step back. Its not that you're wrong for feeling sidelined. But a poly relationship just isn't going to be the exact same as a monogamous one. It it were, I wouldn't have bothered making a blog, and I wouldn't have needed to because I wouldn't have a trail of loving, wonderful, burnt to ashes monogamous relationships behind me. Let's take a deep breath together. Pause here if you need.
Now, there are some questions here that do affect what I think would be fair. For example, if you're living with your boyfriend, and he's taking you for granted, always texting the other person when he's with you, you don't have any special time with him anymore, and then when he goes out its radio silence. That's a very different situation from you being in a long distance relationship so texting is your main form of communication/bonding and now he's got a new person that lives near him so he's with them constantly and now, what are you, chopped liver? for example. I'm going to give a list of things you might be doing that's unfair, and I want you to take a minute and evaluate as honestly as you can where you fall on that. This is a self-reflection, not an accusation, so please resist any temptations to get defensive (if you even feel them). I recommend taking out a pad of paper and committing to an answer for each. Some you may not be doing at all! Some okay maybe a little. And some now that you think about it, yeah actually, you're doing a lot. That's okay. You not handling it perfectly is okay, and doesn't mean we can't ask the boyfriend for accommodations still.
Are you valuing 1:1 time with your boyfriend as much as you're valuing (negatively) the time he spends 1:1 (not texting you) with his partner? IE, are you more bothered by him not texting you than you are appreciative when he takes time for you?
Are you texting him compulsively out of anxiety instead of because you have something more important to discuss?
Are you accidentally infringing on his other partner's time?
Are you trying to infringe on his other partner's time to reassure yourself that you're important to him?
Are you texting him to "test" him?
When you communicated that you didn't like being left on read, did you properly convey how big of a problem it is for you and what your expectations were?
When you communicated, did you allow space for negotiation and to work on the problem, or was it more like a list of demands?
Are you misplacing your feelings somehow? Is there something else that's bothering you that you don't feel comfortable bringing up?
Are you letting your anxieties run you? Is there something you could be doing to address your feelings?
Are you forgetting to weigh other allocations or shows of love he's making or you?
Is there anything else internally you might be overlooking in regards to this?
Whew! Heavy stuff. But you made it!🎉 Now, we'll dig into how his actions are making you feel. That last set was about what you could be doing better, and this one will help determine he could be doing better. But just like we weren't making accusations about you, we aren't making accusations about him either. We are assuming good faith on your boyfriend's part. This is still ultimately about your feelings and what reasonable accommodations could be made for them.
Do you feel the time allocation for you vs his other partner is fair? Why?
Does he seem to text them back more than you?
Does it seem like he's not taking your concerns seriously enough?
Does this issue look like a larger pattern? If so, what? How will that look long-term?
Has he made specific promises he hasn't kept to you in regards to this? If so, what were they and how hasn't he lived up to them?
Do you feel he's made adequate time for you to discuss concerns, or do you feel like he tries to rush through them?
Do you think he gave you a reasonably clear expectation of what him dating someone else would look like (or did he make it seem "nothing will change")?
Has he not responded to something critical?
Is there anything else he's done in regards to this that doesn't sit right with you?
You did it! 🎉Now we can officially start working on problem-solving. I imagine that was a lot more than you bargained for, for such a simple problem as "I want a text back," but its important to get everything laid out. This helps in a lot of ways. It helps guard against striking on a "solution" that isn't actually sustainable. It makes sure you're starting a discussion in good faith. And hopefully, it will help minimize having to return to the issue.
For the sake of formatting, we're going to address the questions for you first, then the questions about him, then how to have the hard conversation, then workarounds that you may not have considered that aren't really your or his problem. I actually think that third group has some of the better "quick fixes", if you can find one that works.
Starting with the questions about what you could be doing better, in order, skip any that don't apply:
Re: valuing 1:1 time -- Make active efforts to appreciate the time you do have more. Use this time as a guard against negative thoughts when he is unable to respond ("We spent all day together yesterday, a few hours today without hearing from him is fine")
Re: texting compulsively -- Be more vigilant about self-soothing. I find self-talk to be most effective for me. I cannot possibly cover everything here, but it sounds like it stirs up fears you're losing your partner. Since you cannot guarantee that will never happen, I find it most helpful to reassure myself I will be okay even if I do lose them. Another option is to make a reassurance bank, where you can store and see evidence of his affection without asking it from him. Your mileage may vary. If you really struggle with this, there's always therapy.
Re: accidental infringing -- Be more mindful of what you send. Save things that are non-urgent to discuss later, when you have his attention anyway.
Re: deliberate infringing -- Stop it. It will only strain things and make the outcomes you don't want more likely. See self-soothing. Find something else to distract you that you can put energy into.
Re: "testing" him -- See above. I know, its easier said than done. Do the hard work. That shit can ruin your life.
Re: didn't adequately express importance -- Well, its a good thing we're about to talk about it anyway! Really think through how you can explain how badly it makes you feel. We'll get into that more when we discuss How To Have the Conversation
Re: list of demands -- Well, its a good thing we're going to talk about it anyway! This time, see it as a negotiation. Ask him if that's feasible, or if its too much. But open to trying alternate solutions.
Re: misplaced feelings -- Take the advice on How To Have a Conversation and apply it to the thing that's actually the problem.
Re: managing anxieties -- Again, you'll have to find a way to self-soothe somewhat. That's not to say your partner shouldn't meet you halfway, but you do have to do your half.
Re: forgetting other expressions of love -- Literally make a list of all the things he's done/is doing for you. As many as you can think of. Add to it often. Pick a couple and do a deep dive on why that mattered so much to you and how you felt. Tell him, too. You gotta be grateful consciously, bro. This applies to all of life
Re: anything else -- Take that into account. Work on that, too, however you can. Be honest with him about your shortcomings when you address it.
A lot of these will require upkeep on your part (kind of mirrors🪞how texting you back consistently requires upkeep on his, huh?). Be prepared to discuss the changing you're going to make and have an actionable plan for them. Okay, his turn, same as before:
Re: fair time allocation -- does he need to make more time for you? Do he need to make protected time that is only for you? You said you feel forgotten, replaced, so maybe this is part of it.
Re: unequal texting -- first, consider why. If he lives with you, he's probably going to have to text the other person in front of you sometimes. If you still think its too much, again, protected time for you may be appropriate, he may need to do a better job keeping his New Relationship Energy (NRE) in check. Be prepared to discuss this, possibly including him defending himself!
Re: not taking concerns seriously -- Well, its a good thing we're discussing this again! Make sure you have an actionable, measurable metric he can do to show you progress here. (IE ❌"I need you to care more" ❌ but ✅"When you're unable to respond, I need you to say that you're busy so I know you thought of my needs" ✅)
Re: bigger patterns -- You will have to tell him you're concerned about those too. If it could become untenable for you, this will probably be a recurring discussion. Consider scheduling check-ins where you say one thing you think is going well and one thing you're worried about, for example.
Re: unkept promises -- here, you are super justified in being mad. Try not to be anyway. Try to be curious and interested in addressing the root problem. Ask him what got in his way, what middle ground he's confident he can manage. It is you and him vs the problem, even here, not you vs him.
Re: inadequate room to discuss -- Set expectations before the talk, and remind him of them if he forgets. (IE "I know this isn't nice to hear, but I need you to let me say my piece and talk through solutions, even if it takes awhile." and "I said I needed to talk through the solution. This sounds nice, but I'm concerned about X. How can we make sure that doesn't happen?") Consider reserving specific time to discuss it, consider reserving recurring time to discuss any problem, if you need it.
Re: didn't set expectations appropriately -- ask. Ask what this would ideally look like to him. If he's having trouble getting started, point out some differences you've already noticed, and ask if he thinks those are the new norm.
Re: didn't respond to something critical -- Establish a way he can see what is critical and what isn't. This might be texting something that can wait, but calling for something important, for example.
Re: anything else -- address that too. Give him a chance to explain himself. etc.
Okay, you've done everything up to this point alone. You're prepped. Now How Do You Have The Conversation?
For this type of stuff, I recommend the WIBS format. That is, "When [something happens], I feel [feelings] Because [explanation] So could you please [change]". But of course, it can't be that simple either. Critically you CANNOT say "you" before the "so could you please". The example I'm about to give is going to use the texting issue specifically, but if you've done the soul searching and found there's a bigger problem you want to address (which ngl, sounds like there might be something bigger based on what you sent), adjust accordingly! This is good general advice for any tough conversation. Anyway, here's what that might look like on the texting thing:
"When I am left on read, I feel anxious and betrayed, because I've had a lot of friendships completely fall apart, and that's always how it started. So could you please make a point to text me something when you read my message, even if its just 'lol' or you saying you want to discuss it later."
But wait a minute! That doesn't include any of the bullshit I just made you do. What the hell am I trying to pull? Okay okay, so we have to modify this a bit. Our new format is going to be something more like this: "When [something happens], I feel [feelings and impact], because [explanation]. I have tried [things you've tried], and I am still struggling because [reason why that hasn't helped, including what you could do better]. So I was hoping to look at some more solutions, like, would you be willing to try [change]." Which might in practice look something like
"When I am left on read, I feel so anxious and betrayed I start spiraling thinking the relationship is doomed, because I've had a lot of friendships completely fall apart, and that's always how it started. I have tried dropping some hints and self soothing, and I'm still struggling because this is a really bad anxiety that I didn't have to deal with before recently and even with the hints I'm not getting the response rate I would like. So I wanted to talk about it and see if you'd be willing to try making a point to text me something when you read my message, even if its just 'lol' or you saying you want to discuss it later."
And then! The discussion continues. Maybe he says "oh my god, yeah, I didn't realize it was bothering you that much, absolutely I can do that" and maybe he says "I'm with you all the time how is this still a problem?" or maybe its "actually, [other partner] gets really anxious when I text, which is why I don't respond unless its important. I figured I could talk to you about dinner plans any time" and whatever the case is, you keep talking until you've set on clear goalposts and have reassurance they feel okay to all parties. So in order, your responses might be something like "are you sure you can manage that? I was really worried by my hints not being picked up on that that was the reason", "I know its a problem. That's why I'm talking to you about it. If that's not a good solution to you, let's come up with something else, because the way things are is really hard on me," and "okay. I don't want to make [other partner] anxious either, but this isn't working for me, can we find something else to try?"
Allow him to explain, be prepared to explain more yourself, and be willing to try a variety of solutions. Acknowledge
Is this my longest post yet? Maybe! Wild. Let's top it off with something easier: The Hack Solutions🧑💻. Sometimes, anxiety isn't logical, and goofy workarounds can be super helpful! Here are some off the top of my head, but feel free to get creative, too! Not all of these may be feasible, not all of them may help. But a lot less work than some other solutions so worth mentioning!
You said being "left on read" is what bothers you. Can you just... turn off read receipts? Or switch to a messaging app that doesn't have them? Can he just not read your texts until he has the time to respond?
A lot of phones have a driving mode, that will send an automated reply to texts. Can he turn that on when he's with his other partner so you get a reply like "hey I'm busy rn, but I'll text back later!" and would that help?
If you just want to feel more involved, maybe it would help if he just like, took a picture of his pizza to send to you. Reminds you you're thought of, doesn't require conversation.
Something that I've done with friends is write like, a dozen short affirmations/reassurances, and have them keep them in a special spot. When they need to feel loved, they can take one out to read. This has worked PHENOMENALLY for them, and still protects your partner's time away while allowing you to get love direct from your partner WHENEVER you want.
Can he just kick it with you both concurrently?
Can you have a friendship with your meta where you text THEM like "tell [bf] to text me back real quick" and then your bf doesn't feel bad about texting in front of the other partner because they're telling him to do it?
Classically condition yourself. Like, every time he leaves you on read, eat a chocolate. And then sometimes instead of it being "boyfriend won't text me :(((" it'll be "oooo! candy time!"
ai yai yai! That's all I have, though! Come back if you need help working through some specifics. I'm very happy to help however I can. Its not your fault you're struggling with this. Most polyam relationships have to deal with this to some extent, but with a little effort, you can make it through. Best of luck to you, friend. 💙💖🖤
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knife + blood play with nerdy!anakin <3
NSFW -18 DNI
warnings : knife play, blood play, spit, oral (f!recieving) i think that’s all
word count: 2.8k & not proofread!
summary: anakin was really nervous to tell you about this thing he wanted to try with you, to know you like no one else knows you :D or whatever
for davina and his big brain contributions <33
gif by @delicatereader
when anakin first brought it up to you you could see his hands shaking as he started to talk. he can be a pretty nervous guy but when he sat you down to tell you about this he seemed more flustered than ever. he keeps flicking his eyes in the opposite direction and messing with his glasses as he begins to speak.
"so,, uh. theres this thing. that i've been wanting to try, with you, for um a while," he says and takes a deep breath, waiting for a response.
"like a sex thing? why are you so nervous, ani? you can tell me." you ask and try to soothe his nerves.
"yeah, like a sex thing. i want to cut you. i'd-be-so-careful-i-swear-and-i-dont-want-to-make-you-uncomfortable-if-this-is-too-much-tell-me-no-right-now," he spits out.
you break out into a grin. you never thought your nerdy-vanilla-seeming boyfriend would be into anything outside of the small dip into choking and degrading you'd tried with him. you nod for him to keep talking, eager to see what else he'll tell you.
"i just want..to carve my initials in you or leave little cuts all over your body to remind you of me. i want to see you bleed, but its in a way that'll turn me on and hopefully, turn you on? i want you to trust me to hurt you, hold a knife to your skin and trust me to go just as deep as i should. you know?" he says with the very last part dropping to a gravelly whisper inches away from your face. "and i-i want you to cut me too. if you want to," he continues as he leans in, making his lips rest just a centimeter or two away from your own.
his face is flushed and you can see the desperation in his eyes as he waits for you to say something.
"i think i'd like that too, ani. i want to be yours any way i can," you say as your lips ghost against his. with a small nod he closes the short distance between your mouths and presses his lips against yours while his left hand finds its way to the back of your head. he feels so happy that you seem to understand him and this want that he's never disclosed to any one else. he kisses you for as long as you'll let him, his soft lips touching yours over and over until you need a break to breathe. hes cradling your face in his hands when he pulls away and says "not tonight, obviously. but when? when do you want to? i'm so excited, honestly. i was scared youd freak out or tell me its weird."
"maybe a little weird but i like it too, i think. how about just next time we have sex, yeah? probably the day after tomorrow, friday?" he grins and nods, the rest of the night goes as normal and so does the next day.
⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢୨୧⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢
its friday evening, around 6, you've put on ani's favorite set, its black so blood shouldn't really stain it, which is something you took into consideration just incase. you're not entire unsure about whats going to happen but your heart races anyway as you sit on the bed and wait for anakin to give his attention to you. it seems that at some point within the last two days he's acquired the knife hed like to use-nothing super intimidating. just a single sided blade that's pretty short as far as knives ago, 4-5 inches with a dark blue handle. he's already explained that its never been used for anything else, never will be, and is sharp so any wounds heal nicely.
"will you lay down for me, pretty? 'm not gonna do anything without asking you first, promise.'
as you move yourself back on the bed to lie down he continues, "so, um, i practiced on myself first just to know how hard i can press, how hard i should press, to get the results we? want."
he’s wearing a light blue button down and khakis, his sleeves are rolled up and his glasses are sat promptly on the bridge of his nose. he seems much less nervous about the actual act than he was about telling you—which is reassuring. he sets the knife on the nightstand and pulls you into a kiss where his hands tenderly hold your face.
when he lets go, you lean back onto the bed and spread your legs a little without being asked. he picks up the knife again and tilts his head to the side as he looks at it and back at you to see your reaction.
“just the flat side for now, baby,” he says softly as he presses the dull edge of the instrument against the flesh of your calf before dragging it further up your body. it traces the contour of your thigh up to your stomach and waist where he crosses to the other side of you. you’re breathing is shaking even though there’s little to no chance of being hurt but the cool metal is still doing something for you.
he continues his movements on the other side of your body—working his way down over your hip and onto your thigh, doing a light circle with the point before continuing to the flesh of your calf where he presses a little harder with the still flat edge. the teasing has caused goosebumps on your arms and you’ve never seen anakin so enthralled by something so small.
he smiles as you arch your back up into its touch as it returns to your lower abdomen, right above your bikini line. he shifts the angle of the knife so the point is ever so slightly scratching against your skin as he moves it. you can feel the tip dragging across your skin, leaving the tiniest sting behind as it scratches the surface.
“am i allowed to cut you wherever, honey? you going to let me slice you up wherever i please?”
you nod but anakin waits—stilling his movements completely as he waits for a verbal response. “i’m sorry, i mean yes. wherever you want, ani.”
he hums in approval and slowly turns the knife over so the sharp edge is against the skin of your hip. he moves slowly and lightly in a straight line no longer than 2 inches. you feel the sting after he’s taken the blade off of you and find you really like it. anakin studies your face to gauge your reaction, pleased when he sees you watching him intently and chewing on your bottom lip as you wait for it again. tiny drops of blood rise to the surface of the cut and he presses the metal against you again.
another calculated and precise wound is created by your boyfriend, this time about a centimeter above the last and a little longer. it’s no deeper than the last but blood is already flowing to the previous cut so it bleeds faster. you whine and look at anakin with eyes that say don’t stop.
he smears the blood droplets on your skin, making it coat the metal and form a thin layer on your flesh. “wouldn’t wanna neglect the other side would we?”
he moves to the other side of the bed and cuts two relatively quick vertical lines into where your hip bone would be. they’re still very shallow but bleed the same droplets as the other side. the air stings the new wounds and it hurts even more when anakin wipes the blood away with his thumb before promptly sucking the remnants off while he makes eye contact with you. you’re sure his hands are clean or else he wouldn’t have touched them and the sight immediately has heat radiating from your core.
“mmm. taste good, baby. wasn’t gonna do that but i couldn’t help myself…gonna move up to your pretty tits now, cut those up too.”
he does what he says, dragging the knife up your side in a long line. you expect to feel a sting from the breaking of skin but it seems he’s turned the knife over again to the flat edge. you can see how hard anakin is through his pants and desperately want to touch him but choose to lie still.
as the knife reaches the sensitive flesh of your breasts he slowly turns the knife over again while the point presses into you—you feel stinging again as you realize he’s punctured your skin with the tip. “sit up,” he says. he undoes the clasp on your bra with ease and tosses it to the floor.
anakin decides little nicks from his knife across your chest would be a beautiful sight and gets to work creating them. each one is no longer than an inch and exudes blood in a thin line. he makes one..two…three..four on each side—one after another—carefully. your heart is pounding and you’re trying to stay still so as not to interrupt him or make him make a mistake with the sharp object.
the tiny amount of blood on each side is calling to anakin and he doesn’t stop himself when he gets the urge to lick at your bleeding chest. it’s not something you’d discussed and you probably should be worried about bacteria or something but at the moment all you’re worried about is focusing on the sensation of anakin’s tongue laving across the cuts.
however, anakin has already thought about that and has a few gauze pads ready in his pocket so as to not let his saliva sit around the wound any longer than he intends for it to. he’ll clean it properly for you afterwards. he wipes away any remaining wetness from his mouth and looks at you for approval although a moan escaped your lips during the endeavor.
you’re squeezing your legs together as the wetness between your legs grows more noticeable and torturous to ignore. anakin senses your growing impatience and peppers kisses across your throat and upper chest before reassuring you that you’ll get what you want. “just a few more, angel. your pretty thighs now..spread your legs a little for me.”
you spread your legs as instructed and gasp in surprise when you feel the snap of the fabric around your waist. anakin had slid the blade under the waistband without you noticing and took it upon himself to cut half of your matching set right off of you.
the delicate cuts anakin covers your thighs with leave stinging patches in their wake. they’re deeper than the others and hurt more yet send waves of pleasure through you. he’s created two patches of 5 cuts on your left thigh and is moving to the other side. he repeats his actions, creating a mirror image of your left thigh onto your right. you hiss in pain when anakin puts the knife down and drags two of his fingers across the wounds on the left side—once again he sucks his fingers clean of the liquid in front of you and groans at the taste. just when you think it can’t get any hotter he’s getting on the bed and pushing your knees towards your chest while he hooks his arms underneath of them.
with one side of your underwear cut he drags the other side off your body in a second. his thumb finds your slit as his mouth finds the burning sensation on your right thigh where he sucks and soothes the cuts with his tongue. he repeats this over every area of your thighs he’s hurt. he’s so hard it hurts and he can’t help but grind against the bed as he hears your whimpers and whispers of his name. the metallic taste lingers in his mouth and he’s sure his spit is tinged red. “sit up,” he tells you and you do.
you watch as anakin gathers the blood affected saliva in his mouth and spits it onto your pussy; spreading it with his thumb and smiling when you groan and fall back into the pillows. it’s so dirty in a way but no one else knows you like this—no one else will know the taste of your pussy mixed with a hint of your blood.
his hands are holding the back of your thighs as he licks through your folds for the first time. “so wet, honey. you do like this.”
words have left your brain for pretty much the entire experience and usually anakin would try to force some out of you but in this moment he’s just happy you’re enjoying yourself in the context he’s created. you can do nothing but whine in response and jerk your hips towards his mouth again.
he wastes no time before diving back into your slick cunt. his tongue finds your clit and works in slow circles massaging it with the muscle. every once in a while he slides his tongue down your sex and dips into your dripping hole. he gathers and swallows as much of it as he can each time—loving how you taste and the mess you’re making for him. he’s fallen into a rhythm of alternating between the two that has your thighs shaking in his grip. he holds them firmly apart for you and continues exactly as he has been since you’re responding well to it. the predictable movements drive you closer and closer to the edge. his tongue makes contact with as many sensitive nerve endings as it can as he eats you like he’ll never get to again.
he’s relishing in your taste and moaning into you, creating another sensation. anakin thinks he would stay there forever if he could as he says something nearly unintelligible against you. “so good” is all you manage to catch of the muffled sound as your heartbeat pounds in your ears.
soon you’re panting his name and letting a string of curses fall from your lips. “fuck. fuckfuckfuckfuck. oh my god,” you whine as his tongue enters you. it softly touches your walls and is accompanied by anakin’s nose brushing against your clit. without warning he moves his mouth back to your clit completely and slips two fingers in with ease. he reaches deep inside of you and hooks his fingers against the spot he knows you like so much. he’s lapping at your bud and sucking it into his mouth in even increments now. the muscles in your abdomen tense as your orgasm threatens to hit you.
“ani. ‘m close. gonna cum.”
he nods in encouragement and moves his fingers a little faster inside you; stroking your walls with expertise while his tongue pulls you apart at the seams. the knot in your stomach tightens until it snaps and anakin cums right in his pants at the delicious moans escaping your lips as he works you through your high with a groan.
he works his tongue and fingers until you’re grabbing at his arm to get him to stop and tugging on his hair to get him to remove his tongue from its antics. your slick coats his chin and lips as he looks up at you through his fogged up glasses he never got the chance to take off. your face warms as he looks at you with a huge smile. he soothingly runs his hands up and down the back of your legs for a few moments before speaking.
“so i actually.. finished during that. i need to go change and then i need to clean you up too. stay right there, honey.”
you close your eyes to rest for a bit before he comes back to help you—hearing clothing shuffling to the floor and the bathroom door open and close twice. he’s returned without a shirt and a pair of black shorts hanging quite low on his hips, a small tube of ointment in his hand as he touches your arm and walks you to the bathroom with unstable legs. he has you sit on the edge of the bathtub and returns with a slightly soapy washcloth he uses to gently clean the marks he’s left behind and then rinse them with clean water. he applies antibiotic ointment to them but ultimately decides to leave them uncovered as they’re so minor—except the ones on your thighs that he covers with a dressing and tape.
“i can get you off again..if you want. i just wanted to clean those up.”
“no, ani. i’m tired. will you get me clothes and lay with me?”
he kisses you and then your forehead before you both return to the bedroom where anakin picks clothes out for you lays on the bed waiting for you as you get dressed. he holds you and plays with your hair until he decides it’s time to make dinner for his very very good girl!
#hayden christensen smut#anakin skywalker x reader#anakin skywalker smut#hayden christensen x reader#stephen glass smut#stephen glass x reader#blood play#knife play#tw blood#cam writes ᡣ𐭩#modern au
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Do you have any HCs with Ivy and Ink Blade?
OH BOY IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE. ivy is a very interesting character to me (fhjy spoilers: and im glad she survived). tho people might not really like her that much, i think shes neat and could have a lot of nuances if her character could be explored enough
ivy (pre and post shatter-star) is a regina george mean girl but with pop-punk rock aesthetics.
she’s a girls girl and much like her canon, she loves fashion.
loves fashion in a sense that she loves it for Herself and not because she wants to impress anyone.
she does not give a shit about what anyone thinks of her actually, and that generally comes off as “mean”.
ivy only sees her attitude as a filter for those too weak to be acquainted with her.
though she has a hard exterior, she does have a soft spot for those who could actually stick by her.
riding off on that “loves fashion” part, i think ivy is particularly good at finding good deals and the best bargains. she doesn’t go for the most expensive stuff because that’s just wasteful.
she’s the type of friend you want to go to the flea market with because this girl drives a hard bargain.
riding off of that, ivy always takes oisin out to shop because there’s not a lot of dragonborn-proof clothes for him so when they do find stuff, its too expensive to be worth it unless ivy is the one bargaining for him.
oisin is always grateful of her for it.
in her shatter-star state, ivy’s “mean” attitude got nastier and more cruel
ivy has a hard time asking for forgiveness (oisin will tell you that she almost never says the word “i’m sorry” genuinely), but she does it in her own way.
sometimes when she passes by mazey in the halls, ivy genuinely compliments the bard on her badidas.
“nice shoes. they’re the 90’ exclusive line, right? those were the best quality shoes they released. such a shame their next series went downhill from there.”
mazey, apprehensive of ivy at first but open to having this conversation with her, “no, yeah, you’re absolutely right. these are the only pairs i can both dance and fight in. its been a year but theyre still going strong.”
and the girls continue talking about finding the best deals and the most practical clothing they could have as adventurers. fabian is not very happy about this.
mazey of course is not required to forgive ivy for things she said and done, and ivy is not at all actively seeking for verbal forgiveness anyway
but they can be courteous to each other and bond over similar interests
lucy, being a frost genasi, absolutely knows how to knit. she knits her own clothes sometimes because not much clothing items in stores have her size.
when ivy found out about this during freshman year, ivy asked lucy to teach her and they absolutely bonded over knitting.
at some point both the girls have knitted some stuff for all the members of their party.
everyone still keeps their knitted gifts, even if they’re frayed or have grown too small for them to use.
surely i will have more to write on her character but for now these are what i have on the top of my head. ivy embra they dont get you like i do (ivy hcs with inkblade i will continue in another post because this one got too long)
#omamorens q&a#ivy embra#mazey phaedra#oisin hakinvar#lucy frostblade#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#d20#fhjy#fantasy high#trg#the rat grinders
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Knitting a freehand bag and started wondering how often people even use patterns, anyway. So--how often do you use a pattern when you make things ? This include knitting/crochet/sewing/weaving/nalbinding/bobbin lace/tatting/etc but also things like woodworking, cooking, and baking. If you want to just pick the thing you do most often that's fine.
I personally do not use patterns as I find them far more confusing than just figuring out the construction of an item and simply making it. I do very occasionally browse ravelry for inspiration but have downloaded maybe 2. In the 5 or so years since I joined. And have followed exactly 1, which I modified every single aspect of. In my defense, dyslexia.
#poll#knitting#crochet#weaving#tatting#sewing#quilting#nalbinding#bobbin lace#cooking#baking#theres just SO MANY patterns out there and i kind of dont understand why... who is using them ???#they are so hard to follow even when written well#i get that thats dyslexia talking and not true for most people but it still baffles me#i also dont follow cooking/baking recipes but in a different way#the issue for crafting patterns is that i cant read and so i cant figure out what the hell im supposed to do#but recipes are usually lists and dont have tons of abbreviations and dozens of steps#so i can kind of read recipes but i just like doing my own thing and also have been burned by recipes before#so even if i try following the recipe as hard as possible i will inevitably change some things#like what about the whimsy. also i will use a butter wash after taking this out of the oven i dont care that it says eggs#and while i dont do legos anymore i was the same with that too. we got a kit once and my sister loved following each step#oh my god. the worst. i would covertly make other things with the remaining pieces while she assembled the thing#i do think that were i not dyslexic i would still not follow patterns#like i said i just prefer to do my own thing most of the time
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Opinion on chubby butches/butches with stretch marks?
sweetheart. if my header werent what it is, it'd be "dad bod butches please call me"
#yeah i would say this water is pretty wet. what? yeah the sky is still blue too#i dont wanna joke on you too much. i know it can be hard to believe sometimes. but fat butches make this community what it is#chubby butches. fat butches. butches w thick soft arms and those rounded faces and warm tummies. theyre my friends. theyre my lovers#theyre Sexy too. i think its Hot to see a butch all shirtless with their belt n jeans kinda diggin into their stomach. i like how they can#stand kinda squared up and look Big. taking up space . i like how they feel on top of me#i like their hands! i like how bein kinda chubby can make fingers thicker.#she speaks#anon#asks#are you the same one that asked me if i like butches with top surgery scars. be honest#like. i DESIRE and SEEK butches who are thick and heavy. i think their body types add to the butch look in a way that makes my mouth water.#besides like. idk man im not super skinny either you know? and im disabled. when you have an alternative body type you just... its hard to#give a fuck about beauty standards like weight on other people. you feel me
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#personal#sometimes i wish i knew what it was like to be someone people want to talk to#or at least had students who could listen to what i say for just five minutes#god i hate yelling then they say thats all i do when if i talked normally no one fucking listens#then i take it way too hard when they say they dont like me when at least i stepped up to take their class#a class that had already ran off one teacher#but no im too useless because i actually make them do work and tried to have rules#last year was hard but at least i felt fulfilled by the end of the year with all my classes#i have never craved the end of the year so much or as much as i have this year#its not even both classes either its just this one that makes me dread working with them as much as they apparently hate me#sadly i can understand why their teacher left#and i know im not the best replacement since im learning how to teach them as they learn from me#but im just tired#its only a month left but i am so ready to never see any of them again#but depression does as it does and makes me question if im even good enough to get another job#one actually teaching my correct subject that i love#i hope like hell that i get a job and one i really want because i dont want to have to come back to this school#*it has the most substitute jobs#i dont like being loud even if no one believes me i dont like being mean though i know when i have too i just dont feel good enough#if i was i think i would have a job by now i mean im 28 and its been 5 schools in 5 years#sorry being sad on main#if you read this#thanks
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WOW I FINALLY FINISHED THIS SET. There were a lot of things I wanted to get right for them so I took some extra time but hopefully it was worth it! The guild for this set is Cobalt Heart- a guild with focus on maritime missions, lead by (of course) guildmaster Neptune. There was no other planet I could've picked for his namesake lol. They're the guild I jokingly call the most jockish, but some moreso than others. I really do hope I did all the characters justice, but if you wanna know more about the individual members, it's under the cut as usual!
Name: Neptune
Name Origin: The planet named for the god of the ocean
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 52
Guild rank: Guildmaster
Weapon: Trident
Ethos (Power): Ocean wave (Control over water- stronger with sea water)
Flaw power is based on: Originally based on his overly relaxed go-with-the-flow nature, but since becoming a father and guildmaster he's matured, and his power grew from simple wave control to more powerful control over the ocean's water. Waves aren't always peaceful, but he's become someone who understands their power and the responsibility needed for it.
Notes: If it's unclear, the marks on his chest are meant to be top surgery tattoos, but in cool wave shapes!
Name: Triton
Name Origin: Neptune's moon, aptly named for his son
Pronouns: He/they
Age: 24
Guild rank: 4 star
Weapon: Twin sai
Ethos (Power): Ocean breath (Underwater breathing as well as other aquatic adaptions)
Flaw power is based on: His ardent wanderlust, especially in regards to the ocean. They literally cannot leave it alone despite any possible better reasoning, which is when it becomes a problem.
Notes: Was his other parent a mermaid or did they just do the fish thing on their own? The world may never know.
Name: Otrera
Name Origin: A trojan asteroid named after the queen of the Amazons
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 32
Guild rank: 5 star
Weapon: Brass knickles
Ethos (Power): Preflexes (Hightened reflexes)
Flaw power is based on: Her overly-guarded and cagey nature.
Notes: But her brass knuckles are pink so its quirky when she knocks your teeth out.
Name: Naos
Name Origin: A star whose name means "ship"
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 21
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Modified crutches
Ethos (Power): Helm (He can change the direction of inanimate objects. It's not limited to projectiles, he can change the direction of objects while they're in someone's hand too.)
Flaw power is based on: His avoidant tenancies, especially where more serious responsibility is concerned.
Notes: Honestly? Joined the guild to boost his playboy status.
Name: Aitne
Name Origin: One of Jupiter's moons, named after the personification of Mount Etna, a stratovolcano
Pronouns: They/them
Age: 27
Guild rank: 4 star
Weapon: Spiked gauntlets and armor
Ethos (Power): Molten Core (Lava manipulation)
Flaw power is based on: Their brash and destructive nature.
Notes: Likes all their food to be charred.
Name: Ariel
Name Origin: A moon or Uranus, named after an air spirit!
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 16
Guild rank: 2 star
Weapon: Baton
Ethos (Power): Harmony (Perfect balance on anything)
Flaw power is based on: Her own difficulty maintaining emotional balance under stress
Notes: She's a gymnast! And even though I didn't make the character named "Ariel" a mermaid, you can still see a scale pattern in her leotard!
Name: Maru
Name Origin: A white dwarf whose name means "Sky." It's orbited by the planet Ahra.
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 18
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Claymore sword
Ethos (Power): Sky walking (She is capable of interacting with air as if it were a tangible object, creating leverage for herself to walk and balance on as if it were solid)
Flaw power is based on: Her somewhat vain tendency to place herself above others
Notes: Complete and utterly confident she's the cooler twin
Name: Ahra
Name Origin: A exoplanet whose name means "Ocean." It orbits the star Maru.
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 18
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Claymore sword
Ethos (Power): Wave riding (Creation and control of tidal waves to ride on, as if she was surfing them with no board. But she does have to be on them.)
Flaw power is based on: Her arrogance and recklessness
Notes: Completely and utterly convinced she's the cooler twin.
Name: Pipoltr/Pip
Name Origin: A star named for "a bright and beautiful butterfly."
Pronouns: Whatever really?
Age: 8
Guild rank: 1 star
Weapon: Giant lollipop
Ethos (Power): None yet!
Flaw power is based on: N/A. This doesn't mean they're flawless, but until their power develops they're really just here to go on fun little adventures.
Notes: This child hangs around with sailors all day long. The words they know....
#finn's ocs#finn's art#oc references#FINALLY POSTING THIS SET#there was a bit of a delay bc i wanted to make sure i got the crutches w naos right#i ended up not making just the crutches a weapon but like. with modifications based on a real self defense item i found#but slightly different for both fantasy reasons and also i think its patented lol#his pose is also based on a real self defense w crutches video that my friend sent me (hiiii thank you for that once more btw <3)#so like hes very much in motion here. thats not how he usually stands w the crutches lol he usually like. uses them as crutches lol#the little trigger on them is what releases and returns the blade in them btw#also as for the rest of the group! i think neptune is absolutely the most fitting of his namesake out of all the guildmasters#i mean they all have aspects of it but he's fully embraced it. despite what i said abt him growing into responsibility and all#hes still such a chill nice guy. just in general. it would take a lot to get him angry (and if you did the sea is NOT peaceful!)#and in a lot of ways triton is like how he was when he was younger. responsibilities dont matter he needs to go to the challengers deep NOW#also the reason i picked twin sai to be his weapon is bc i didnt wanna do a trident twice. even tho like thats kind of the typical motif#but sai are like. also a 3 pronged weapon. so i felt it kept the energy. but smaller and 2 of them#omg speaking of weapons i completely accidentally added a trans flag to ariel's baton design lol. but i left it in why not#i had such a hard time w her colors bc i wanted her to be flashy but also to make the leotard mermaid esque#also for it to not be too revealing. like leda (from the lunar flare set) can have an exposing leotard tutu sure but shes an adult#and i wanted to give ariel more of like an 80s home gym workouts vibe. with the legwarmers and scrunchies lol#and the twins!!! i wanted to make them samey but differeny. in a way i havent done w matching outfits before#bc the actual shapes of the clothes are very different but the colors totally match!#plus the twins are fraternal. i feel like thats obvious what w their different hair colors but there are more subtle things#like slightly different eyes. the height and weight differences arent part of that tho bc that can happen to any twins even identical#otrera i also had a lot of fun with. especially the blonde hair in an emo bang with like a pink sporty outfit#the crown logo references her namesake being a queen too!#she really was fun tho bc shes just no nonsense trusts nothing but her gut. and shes meant to be like an MMA type#aitne was also super fun but a bit tricky to make it clear that their eye is half lidded from the burns and not just like a drawing mistake#but i think i made it clear! its important bc their vision is also impaired on that side#and the burns themselves were most likely an accident on their end. remember they're brash and destructive. even to themself!
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It's actually really funny how it is bc despite being an insane person with weird kinks whenever I see someone with kinks I DON'T share I'm instantly thrown off by it. Which is comedic to me bc you'd expect the freak to inherently Understand other freaks but no unfortunately that's not how it works necessarily.
#luly talks#i am way more open to shit when explained to me tho#like usually I'm outright Neutral about this like ok sure.#but there's things that outright are so confusing to me they turn me off#like i saw some mommy rp blog and she was just... acting like a mother#and it's like. super sweet of course! but... not turning me on? at all??#like i don't get why you'd want a 2 in 1 deal for a mother and a gf can't you just get the two things per separate?#and this is coming from a man with severe mommy issues too! I'm a man who lost 3 mother figures (maybe 4 even. prob more)#yet i just don't get it? like. i don't know.#like i dont get it when it's so Genuine ykwim? like sexy mommy daddy age gap shit i do get. i love older people carnally.#but when it is a real intention to have this person fulfill the gap your parents left (I'd have said hole goddamn it that'd have been funnie#r) it's like. do. do you know how hard this can backfire? like i feel it's only more harmful. like idk#like i am no one to say it i am as explicitly stated a certified freak but i really think some people should stop fucking and take an hour#off to go to therapy. just a thought.#like i have my psychological issues mirror into my kinks too I've thought of this deeply (not the cannibalism that's simply me being hungry#although i did make a huge post about hunger but i DIGRESS) but i feel it's different#maybe it's bc im autistic and aro Who Knows maybe this is about intricate social and romantic rituals i just dont get in general
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Feeling a debilitating sense of dread and despair 🤨 Which probably means nothing😍👍
#girl help i cant get out of bed i feel so so awful for no reason at all#literally my soul is gone or something#i have no desires and no joys and no sense of being blessed#which is crazy bc i love life and im so blessed ! usually.#ig i should do something abt it tomorrow if it doesn't get better#alternatively get back into therapy bc tbh... after that horrible sex thing ive felt kinda off#like even after i was able to eat and sleep and function normally without the tremors and head jerks and whatnot#like its not dramatic anymore but i kinda feel drained of life and joy#moments of genuine happiness and fulfillment are ... ? idk. i did feel happy once this week and that was nice but it didnt last obviously#but like ! im not depressed in a depressed way. i take good care of myself and i read my books and eat food and hang out with friends#i just kinda dont recognise myself ig. i mean i know ill get my spark back but maybe i need some professional help#idk !! it kinda feels very silly tho#like ive been in and out of therapy for more than half of my life. and being one year therapy free was a big step for me !#so going back for this little ridiculous freakout feels like a setback#kinda like im making up things to be wrong with me just so that ill have someone to talk to ? or to have attention idk#it doesn't make sense bc i really was proud for getting bettter and i rly dont want to be in therapy anymore#but who knows 🤷♀️#there is also this slight risk. just clinically speaking by purely looking at symptoms of certain things. with no stake in the matter! lol#that there might be something bad and [lets not think too hard about it] that lies as a root cause of my little mental breakdown#like according to my sex having friends losing your virginity is awful but not THAT awful and not in THAT way#and my friend kinda said i scared her with how i was acting when i talked to her abt it. like my demeanour and body language and whatever#and i do trust her to know whats normal versus concerning when i dont have my own stable grip of reality#plus. if i was an outside party and applied my psych education on myself. i would say its not looking super good#but i cant really do that bc im not some random patient. im me myself and I 😩✋️ thank you#but whatever. itll be fine. tomorrow will be a better day ! yay !
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🚬🧸🧃🎀
#anyway so yeah im so sick of hating myself. of missing out on things and being too scared to go after things i want when i have the chance#so sick of almost being 25 and having spent almost 6 years alone in my room missing out on life#and my mom and sister might be moving in the not too distant future#so i have to try to get my life together for real now!!! or homelessness will be awaiting me :D#what i will try to do.. is start going to the gym (w my mom so i dont have to deal w the anxiety of an unknown place by myself sksk)#i'll workout 3-5 times a week. every week. i like going to the gym so if i just get started i dont have a doubt i'll not be able to do it#i'll focus on finishing my english class. hopefully in december even if i have the possibility to get it extended a few months#then i'll start my other 4 classes in january#i'll be patient and wait for my ultrasound and get the gallstone situation fixed (latest in january if i need surgery)#(and i have to try to make sure i eat properly so i dont wind up with b12 deficiency... i cant eat anything without pain but i have to..)#also i have an appt at the psychiatric in mid october. and im still waiting on what my healthcare center says. hopefully i can get cbt#if possible i will really really try to apply for jobs as a personal assistant sometime between january-may#if i have a job instead of being on wellfare i will 1) have way more money 2) not feel constabtly anxious abt being rejected and homeless#i'll stop caring abt me being 'old' and a late bloomer. the planet is dying. who cares if im 28 and start university????#i'll take my time to finish high school. and the thing is i really should get a job before starting higher vocational education#bc the program i want to start i HAVE to have a laptop. and theres no way i can afford that now. cant even save up to it#also need to find and put myself up on waiting lists for student housing/apartments so i can actually move#i hate this city and i need to get the fuck out of here!!!!#but the world is crazy rn and it's super hard to find places to live and find jobs but it's not impossible so i need to try#i cant live like this & i have no idea how tf i'll manage to be a normal person and have a life but i need to try bc what else am i gnna do?
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Why is being a living exisiting human being so very confusing 🙃
#my brain is genuinely the worst place on planet earth ahaha!!#anyways the story that is bringing this on is actually nice i suppose but im exhausted so. let me just get into it and perhaps the dilemna#will make itself more aparant.#basically i hate interacting with people. its exhausting. like genuinely just takes so much brain power and social battery from me. even for#simple things. anyways so im telling someone this in my usual jokey way “im being tortured and kept outside of my home where i could be#chilling with a book“ so the other person is like oh you cant stay inside forever and ever. but then goes on to say from interacting with me#theyd never have guessed that i have such a hard time with talking and hanging out with people. that i never make someone feel like im tired#them or dont wanna talk to them etc. and internally im screaming because like. that is something i stress out so much about because i strugg#le so much with my responses and tone etc etc. thats why its so exhausting for me because im just constantly focussed on what im Supposed to#be like. the other part of me was kind of pleased in a way because i feel so painfully awkward that it stresses me out that people can see#right through me and think that i hate them when its not that i just. hate human interaction because its so tiring. so hearing that was like#oh so no one can even tell and i am stressing. for nothing. dw though this info will not help my brain learn to stop stressing out though#lmao. anyways final point i suppose is that the person also says that even if i am 'awkward' i sort of use it to my advantage and it doesnt#come across in an unsavoury way. anyways idk what to do with all this info. because the way i feel on the inside is so. and i worry a lot#about people seeing that on the outside. but part of me sort of wants it too because i just feel like absolutely no one fucking knows me?#and while i guess that was maybe my goal i also hate it? i shall rb a quote after this. anyways. idk what im saying. i dont fucking know. im#just so tired. so fucking tired.#le text post
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Hate how i got into the habit of (objectively!) criticising/pointing out flaws with my work to compensate being overpraised as The Gifted Kid TM & how it makes me sound like i'm being self deprecating
#its such a hard habit to get rid of#tbf its true im not the best at taking compliments but mostly im just. allergic to praise i dont deserve and/or that singles me out#and it comes up every now and then w irl ppl how i am supposedly constantly talking myself down#even though among my artist friends i am doing that the least amount!#like. guys. there is a difference between not giving myself credit and acknowledging flaws#bc belive it or not i can do that without feeling shit about myself!#and half the time im not even talking abt myself im talking abt others?#cus i hate when people talk themselves down and i will often chime in to say what i think theyre good at#and bc *they* start comparing themselves to me i will then counter with what they are better at than me#or that yeah maybe xy about mine is better but ive also got a lot more practice#and idk i genuinely dont belive that is being self deprecating???#if anything you acting like im a prodigy or sth is devaluing the time and effort i put in to hone a skill#which btw being able to feel ok about my skillset including the goods and bads is also a skill i had to learn!#idk.#lay rambles#sorry for the rant this is just sth i get frustrated about way too often#this doesnt just apply to art but thats where it comes up the most#actually im not done sorry#this specifically was in the context that we got a project graded and the teacher graded us by comparing projects#(which is questionable in itself but i digress)#& then when it came to me i argued that the person he compared me to deserved a better grade and then listed a bunch of reasons#bc she visibly put in more effort and had included things i hadnt and i thought the grade was unfair#and i never once said i thought mine was bad or didnt deserve the grade! but i know i did not put much effort into it and that this showed#and yes it still turned out visually nice; i got pretty good at getting the most out of the least effort possible#and i acknowledge that this is also a skill!#but also pointing out the very visible differences in quality and effort is not? self deprecating?? or am i missing something???#and then had 4 ppl calling me out later for talking down my own project smh#like guys at this point youre just projecting#ik im grumbling abt this way more than warranted lol but a lil venting never hurts
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daily shuffle ting 📸
#im having a mid crisis when im not even middle aged n i dont wanna go back to school#good day and good night. i wanna sink into the floor#bc a football club i decided to support with my heart n soul has betrayed me n i dont even like to watch games anymore#also im reading a drarry fanfiction like im 13 again.#and my skin is awful. and and and im having a crisis n so many emotions that i dont even know where they stem from#i cant even smile properly anymore ive been facial training again bc ive slacked during covid n now —#i dont know how to my eyes have expresseds n i dont know how to smile or look like i care and i TOOK A HARDER HISTORY CLASS FOR NO REASONNN#I DONT EVEN LIKE HISTORYYYYYYYY#and i hate everything n ive been avoiding all my friends n texting ppl less n im just in a Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#i feel worthless n disgusting n my first thought when i wake up is 'i gotta take my acnetame and maybe if i deserve it i can shave my legs'#i naired one of them— my right. she is smooth in ways she hasnt been in a while. my left? chewbacca#n my school changed my passwords for my canvas so now tmr at 1:30 !! I GOTTA WALK UP THERE N GET MY NEW PERSONAL INFORMATION#the clothes i bought i didnt rlly like. but i just wanted to leave the store n make my grandmother happy. now im going into the school year#with clothes i hate n they dont feel gpod and theyre Not the right texture theyre too tight. But not in ways i love theyre too Tight.#n i .s.msneenen all my shoes r blk !!!! theyre all blk !!!!#sjsndjddjd and my hair !!!! my hair!!!!@ sjdjdjdu#God i just wanna lay in my room take showers n rot#roll around and hit myself on my headboard so hard i go into coma n i miss my entire year#n then i fuck off to hershey for chocolate bars and chocolate bags#cant even scrapbook right itsall paint its all paint n aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im in agony bc im not even saying whats rlly wrong with me#im focusing on the little problems and not the one it stims from. Like a web but if the spider only hang off the edge n never the middle#n everyone keeps talking at me n when i respond they yell at me for everything n i get pushed to the side#bc they hate whatever i have to say for whatever reason n wtv ig i hate them back. always pushing me down fuck them fuck them get out.#n now my friend is texting me her stuff after never speaking to me unless she has a problem#Anyways. sorry sorry. im whining im complaining im really depressed rn n def not in the right headspace to post any of this#or talk to anyone who is reading this. this probably doesnt make sense i left holes in my sentences#so sorry super sorry#that is a photo of me as a baby btw. it is the only one. please love her and maybe tell her she has nice eyebrows. she'd love that#we always take rlly good care of our eyebrows. thats a rule. we just plucked them today#anyways. see you. ill post hp gifs later n forger i ever felt bad to beginning. all of the best.
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