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fireflysummers · 10 months

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Final Thoughts on GO S2

I'm probably gonna pull back on discussing S2, at least publicly, after this. I did actually like a lot of the season, but it's triggering some of my religious trauma and also the fandom is already stressing me out. So here, let's have some final thoughts.

First and foremost: I am not a Gaiman simp. I've read a decent amount of his work: comics, short stories, essays, and novels. Aside from Good Omens, I've liked Coraline and The Graveyard Book the best by far, whereas American Gods just. Did Not Connect with me, even though it's should have, given the stuff I tend to enjoy.

However. Regardless of whether I like a given work (or even like how he adapted it, a la parts of The Sandman TV series), he is a veteran writer who has proven that he does, actually, know how to write a story with consistent characters.

Beyond that, I do actually believe that he's trying to do right by Pratchett, and loves and respects the story and characters they created together. He's generally shown up as an ally to a variety of social causes, and directly and respectfully responds to fans on Tumblr. While no saint, I feel that there is cause to give the benefit of the doubt that things will resolve satisfyingly in S3, and that there is Intention about some of the things in S2.

This, of course, does not absolve it of being "bad," but even here I think we need to articulate better the different types of "bad" that people are reacting to. There seems to roughly be three camps here: 1) People who thought it was "bad" because of how it ended, with the breakup and a lot of unresolved plot threads; 2) People who thought it was "bad" because it struggled on a technical level with its set, lighting, directorial choices, editing, etc; 3) People who thought it was "bad" because they felt the characterization was significantly off and that the internal logic of the series had been violated.

With regards to Point One, the only solution is to Wait and See. Judgement should be reserved until the story is properly finished--easier said than done, especially considering the current media landscape, and the number of series or franchises that fail to live up to their promises.

Point Two isn't something I understand well enough to contribute meaningfully, except that I suspect the pandemic affected this aspect the most and am willing to give it a bit more mercy. That aside, I for the most part I don't find it bad so much as not as good as S1. Except for the parts with epilepsy warnings, surely there could've been a better way to do that.

Point Three... that's the stumbling block for me, and I find it interesting that most of the folks who struggle with this point in particular are long time fans of the book.

I trust that instinct.

There are two different directions to go from here. The first is the assumption that these problems are a result of ego, carelessness, or lack of skill from the showrunners/writers/director. It's cynical but not unjustified. The second is the belief that the breaks in lore or characterization were intentional, building towards a much grander conspiracy. Of course, even in this case I don't think it forgives the lack of signposting that would indicate that this is a choice rather than an accident. It just makes it feel clumsy and poorly constructed, a major risk on a show that hasn't had its third season confirmed.*

However, regardless, it still feels salvageable. I've enjoyed reading a lot of meta on all this, and I've pulled some things from others (particularly That Theory by @ariaste), but I don't really want to put forth a single, defined theory myself. Instead, here's some questions I've got, why those questions are important (to me, at least). Actual theorizing comes after, and anybody who snidely mentions Sherlock in the comments or tags is going to get auto-blocked. Like seriously, I'm aware that some stuff is a stretch, but it's fun??? To theorize????? And I'm here for me and my peace of mind rather than trying to argue a point.

*I have some suspicions here, particularly with Gaiman stating that the decision from Amazon would come much faster than The Sandman's second season (which was four months). I don't know enough though to say if that's actually significant.

Questions

Who the fuck is telling this story?

This is the most important piece, in my opinion. There's this assumption when reading books (or research papers, newspapers, etc...) that the narrator who is writing the words is a non-presence, Neutral and objective. That's not the case, and an important part of literature critique is figuring out who the narrator is, and what their goals are. Oftentimes, the narrator and the author are the same person, but with Pratchett's work, particularly on Good Omens and Discworld, the Narrator was its own unique character.

This is why people struggle adapting Discworld to live action--that medium requires a Reason for having a Narrator, and especially in the age of method acting that's often considered immersion-breaking. Good Omens worked so well because they not only kept the Narrator, but they made Her God.

This added some really interesting new dimensions, such as the scene where Crowley speaks to God about his fall and the destruction of humanity. He doesn't receive an answer, but we're watching from God's perspective, so we as the audience know that She's listening.

Another advantage of making God the Narrator is that it justifies all the goofy little asides we get into the lives of minor characters (i.e. Leslie the Mailman), without losing focus. It helps the world feel like it’s full of people, rather than characters and plot contrivances, and the theme that individual people and their choices are important. The Narrator is such a central character of Good Omens that without it, the story struggles to stay focused.

It also highlights a key difference in the writing styles of the two authors. Pratchett’s work tends to introduce four or five totally unique plot threads that feel completely disjointed until the last act (if not even later), when it turns into a Chekhov’s Firing Squad. Plot twists around secret identities and backstabbing and schemes are relatively rare, as the omniscient Narrator doesn’t lie about the intentions of people or their actions.

Gaiman’s writing is typically not like that, to my knowledge. He buries characters in misdirection and hints, and you never know the true identity or motives until all the chips are down. It’s a perfectly valid way to approach storytelling, but it makes it jarring to see it in S2. The lack of a Narrator is a huge reason why S2 doesn’t feel like Good Omens to some folks.

My gut feeling is that the decision to shift from the original Narrator was highly intentional. It helps to obscure the thoughts and intentions of people, and it also muddles the insights that we’re supposed to take away. (I would have loved hearing God monologue about what’s going on in Jim’s head. I think it’d do a lot to make him seem less.... obnoxiously stupid.)

More than that, it brings up a reasonable potential plot point of: Where did God go? Why isn’t She present in the story? Even in her early appearance in the Job flashback, she doesn’t sound like the narrator for last season. After the first part of her speech (which Gabriel later quotes), her tone turns casual and condescending, which might line up with her being a bit of an asshole, it doesn’t line up with the whole “dealer of a mysterious card game who is always smiling”).

Also, I don’t think it’s safe to assume that nobody is telling the story either. Just because they’re not making their presence known doesn’t mean they aren’t there, and in a story like Good Omens, that’s concerning.

Wait, where's Satan?

Another person I saw while scrolling the tags pointed out that Satan is nowhere to be seen this season. He's really only mentioned in reference to a bet God made in Job, but then Crowley is the one on the ground causing mischief. There's no Hail Satan among demons (like Hastur and Ligur did at the start of S1).

That's might be because the writers didn't want us to think it was important (a la Hastur), but that feels off. Given that Satan speaks directly through the radio to Crowley in S1, complimenting him on his work, it's safe to say that he was at least aware of and involved in the goings-on in Hell. The fact that he wasn't even an worry for Beelzebub in abandoning their post? Feels weird.

(Also if you know where that post is, I'll happy credit + link)

What is Maggie?

Look, I love cute lesbians in love as much as the next queer, but I don't like Maggie. I don’t think she’s a person. Contextually, she’s a plot device, but I agree with That Essay that she might be an actual Plot Device.

Her characterization is simple and relatively shallow—a bit of an airhead, ray of sunshine that’s supposed to remind you of Aziraphale. When she describes her past to Nina, it’s almost robotic (also, her story implies it was Mr. Fell who first rented to her ancestor, not Mr. Fell’s great-grandfather like Nina implied). Her emotions are over-dramatic and seem to be turned on and off at random (scenes with her crying to Aziraphale about her woes had my “manipulator” senses going off for some reason).

When asked about a song, she not only IDs the song, its singer, and its year, but how and on what it was distributed. (Honestly thought this would’ve been something interesting, because she’s been pretty ditzy so far, it’d be interesting if she had like... an insane memory for music history.) And then she’s the one that sets Aziraphale on his little investigation by giving him the transformed records, while also planting the seed about her love troubles with Nina. Later, her advice to Crowley is... not awful, but feels insincere and a bit too forward, given her own self-proclaimed lack of relationship experience.

I don’t know what she is (a demon, hastur with amnesia in disguise, a literal plot device inserted by the current storyteller, etc...), but there’s something not right with her.

(Also the joke of “who listens to records anymore, it’s so old fashioned” just doesn’t land, lots of people buy records, and I’m saying this as somebody who has worked at a record store before.)

What's going on with Aziraphale?

There’s something Off about Aziraphale, and it’s not his choices at the end of the season. That makes total sense if you read him as somebody with severe religious trauma getting dragged back into the abusive system because other people need him and he’s been promised the ability to change things.

But I do think something is happening to his memory. Nearly all the flashbacks are from Aziraphale’s point of view and retelling, which means that they’re less reliable than God’s version of events in the previous season. Many of them don’t make logistical sense (post-church scene in 1941), depict Crowley as meaner or more sinister than we know he is, or frame events... weirdly. The scene with him trying food for the first time feels Really Bad, especially when the series has previously established that he’s a) prim and proper and b) his interest in food is one of the beautiful things that connect him to humanity, not some kind of gluttonous sin. Also he turns down alcohol.

Their meet-cute at the start of the universe also doesn’t line up with their reactions to each other in Eden, or the fact that knowing each other Before has never come up or been hinted at anywhere ever. I don’t know what’s causing this to happen, only that Aziraphale repeatedly looks pensive when coming out of flashbacks, and Crowley is never there afterwards to corroborate said memories.

His actions also seem pretty inconsistent with what we know of him—i.e. I refuse to believe he would ever mistreat his books, even if they’re just old encyclopedias. Also, he feels a bit too...forceful in trying to get Nina and Maggie to fall in love? I mean, he didn’t exert that much direct influence on even Warlock, when he was actively hoping that the boy would turn out angelic rather than neutral.

I don’t think this removes his agency in that last decision, so much as explains how he was in such a vulnerable place at all. He still needs to apologize and fix things, because he messed up, and even if he hadn’t he still seriously hurt Crowley.

What's going on with Crowley?

There’s something Off about Crowley. The most obvious thing, of course, is his memories. At multiple points in the present day, characters state that they remember him or have met him before, only to be met with confusion. This is especially concerning given that he has a nigh photographic memory for faces (something mentioned in the book when he immediately IDs Mary Loquacious, 11 years after a 30 second conversation).

Overall, he seems to be better known by other supernatural entities this season, in ways that often tie him back to his angelic identity (i.e. saying they fought together in the war, Aziraphale stating he knew the angel he used to be, etc...). This doesn’t feel right, because S1 we see that Hell is largely apathetic towards his schemes, and definitely does not defer to him at any point in any capacity.

Then there’s the issue of his power level. It’s always been speculated that Crowley was a powerful angel prior to falling, when he mentions in S1 his involvement with star making, his seemingly unique ability to freeze time, and creating a pocket universe for Adam before the confrontation with Satan. He also has a tendency of breathing life into inanimate objects, like his plants or car. He also has the regular demonic skillset: miracles that can adjust physical appearance; the ability to change inanimate objects (like paintball guns into real guns); the ability to manifest clothing and similar items; and summon hellfire to his fingertips. This, plus the way he monologues to God with a degree of familiarity rather than reverence seems to indicate that he was Somebody Powerful and Important Before.

But in S2, his skills are significantly expanded upon. The miracle he and Aziraphale summon sets off alarms in heaven and hell, and it’s powerful enough to mask Gabriel from the Archangels. He summons a miniature sun to rain fire on Job, which is way bigger and flashier than anything we’ve seen him summon in S1. (If he needs fire, he alters the course of a dropping bomb, without creating one himself.)

Yet he’s able to cloak his presence so well he goes wholly unnoticed in heaven, or in front of heavenly agents on earth (i.e. the Job flashback). Muriel can’t clock him as a demon, or even as another supernatural being, despite their auras usually being pretty significant, such Aziraphale immediately sensing the archangels when they arrive. He’s able to interfere with files that Muriel claimed required clearance (although I feel like that might just be a snark about Obeying Without Thinking? I would really need a Narrator to know.)

I might be misremembering, but I don’t think we’ve seen angels or demons transmogrify living beings before either. In the book, Crowley brings Aziraphale’s dove back to life after the failed magic show, and occasionally sinks ducks, but he doesn’t alter them? Not even Adam demonstrates that skill in S1. But he has no trouble turning Job’s children into lizards, however temporarily. Boy that would’ve been convenient during the flood. Or when the guard stopped then from getting to the air strip.

I don’t have any real issues with his characterization in the present day parts of S2, but there’s something weird happening with Crowley.

Where's all the people?

I really like a lot of the new characters, but how were there only like, 2.5 new humans named in the present day? Flashbacks don’t count bc the humans are all dead and can’t affect the story.

As much as I like Nina, she and Maggie don’t drive the story beyond being an occasional and awkwardly inserted plot contrivance? Both are actively robbed of their agency at several points, forced into situations that they could not have avoided or escaped. I’m not really sure what growth they’re expected to experience other than deciding not to date each other after everything. I literally can’t tell you anything about Nina other than that she remembers her regular’s orders, runs a coffee shop, and has a textbook abusive partner we never see. The only meaningful interactions they have are between those two, or in conversation with Aziraphale and Crowley.

Compare that to S1, where Anathema gets hit by Aziraphale and Crowley, but her primary relationships are with Newt, Adam, and Agnes Nutter (I think that counts as a relationship). We know that she’s got a wealthy family back in Puerto Rico, and that she was literally raised to save the world, and that she isn’t happy under all that pressure. Newt on the other hand is connected to not just Anathema, but Shadwell and Madame Tracy. He never even directly interacts with Aziraphale and Crowley. We know about his hobbies, his struggle to hold down a job, and his almost supernatural ability to destroy any electronics he touches. I don’t necessarily like how their relationship came together, but they were both very, very well fleshed out characters with unique backstories and goals. They weren’t just... waiting around to give Aziraphale and Crowley a new questline.

And while there’s no requirement to include a large cast of human characters that are exerting influence over the story, the lack of it is another aspect that makes this season feel not like Good Omens.

Also, it's just. Really weird to me that the events of S1 aren't really referenced at all? Like, Adam isn't mentioned, nor is Warlock. I don't expect them to keep track of the humans they met on the airfield for 20 minutes, but none of it is ever specifically referenced as far as I can tell, beyond Crowley threatening Gabriel. Like, I get that it's been a few years, but the pair caused a big enough disturbance that you'd expect some kind of ripples in their supernatural communities.

Promised by the Narrative (Obvious Chekhov's guns that I will be legitimately upset over if they do not go off)

A sincere apology from Aziraphale to Crowley that doesn't come with the expectation that Crowley will come back to him, but because he deserves an apology, even if the choices Aziraphale made were done with good intentions. Aziraphale does not expect forgiveness, and is shocked when Crowley grants it without hesitation.

A clear declaration of love from Aziraphale, which can't be rationalized away by either of them.

An "I'm Sorry" dance between Aziraphale and Crowley, but with greater sincerity and gravity. The most important piece is that they end up dancing together, which signifies a mutual apology and dedication to come together.

Since kissing is on the table, I expect an actual joyful, mutual kiss between these two assholes.

A shared cottage in South Downs.

Predictions/Theories (just some fun thoughts I've had)

When Adam declared that Satan was not his father, he didn't make himself not the antichrist, but accidentally crowned his human dad the King of Hell. Nobody knows this, because Adam doesn't have a good measure for "normal" supernatural situations, and Mr. Young because he's so "normal" that he explains away all the magical bullshit that's started going down.

When Adam declared that Satan was not his father, he erased Satan altogether. However, this left a vacuum in both power and reality. The defection of both Gabriel and Beelzebub only widens that crack. In an attempt to Fix things, reality is warping the story. Crowley has become leagues more powerful between S1 and S2, as the narrative is trying to force him into the role of his previous boss. Aziraphale is unknowingly being pulled into a similar version on the Other Side, perhaps to replace Gabriel or perhaps to replace God herself, who has been fairly absent in all this. The alterations to their memories or past have come about to keep the narrative running smoothly.

When the Metatron asks Nina whether anybody has ever asked for death, he was actually referring to Death, the sole remaining rider of the apocalypse.

If Maggie is indeed a Plot Device, it would be a fascinating exploration of Free Will to see her become aware of this (cue existential crisis), and then fall in love with Nina on her own terms, rather than because she was written that way.

Hastur will be back. Somehow.

The reason why S2 focuses so much on the supernatural characters is because S3 will be about how the events in S1 have changed the political landscape of heaven and hell. Angels are questioning their roles, demons are yearning for something more. It's scaring upper administration, and then the two most reliable folks in employment run away to alpha centauri. Recruiting Aziraphale and getting him back in line prevents him from becoming a martyr, control the range of his influence. The series reasserts its theme of choice and agency by highlighting that Aziraphale and Crowley aren't that special, they've just had the chance to live and grow, and that the others have free will too, if they want it.

The reason why they wanted to separate Aziraphale and Crowley, is not to get Aziraphale on his own, but to get Crowley on his own. He literally stopped time and made a pocket universe in front of Satan last season. He's powerful and dangerous and somebody wants to see that reigned in.

Wishlist (stuff I desperately want to see)

Crowley getting an audience with God and an opportunity to ask his questions, only to refuse to do so because he's found his own Answers and he no longer needs hers

Aziraphale and Crowley growing more into their book incarnations. Aziraphale becomes confident in his sense of morality, which he developed the hard way through millennia on earth besides humanity. He slowly learns what it means to be loved, unconditionally, but also is better at asserting and maintaining his boundaries. Crowley, still anxious and unwinding, works through his fear of abandonment, providing him opportunities to be kind and gentle and nurturing--all traits that he's aggressively hid since being a demon.

Hand holding. I know that Gaiman was referring to Ineffable Bureaucracy, but I still feel like we'd benefit from meaningful hand holding, especially since that got cut from the adaptation of the book.

Shifted focus away from the supernatural shenanigans, and back onto the humans that actually drive the story.

Cameos from S1 characters (if not a more substantial appearance).

The Four Other Riders of the Apocalypse.

Cursed Thoughts (why I shouldn't be allowed a social platform)

Ineffable Bureaucracy turns up in season 3 because Beelzebub got Gabriel pregnant somehow.

#good omens #good omens spoilers #good omens season 2 #good omens s2 #good omens meta #good omens 2 spoilers #good omens 2 theory #good omens 2 analysis #long post #text

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waters-and-the-wilde · 7 months

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ooooh but the way they're setting up for a coming home arc tho.

I mean I'm a little conflicted bc having them Get Out of Hyperion City was such a triumph and even though they've technically been running around the galaxy since S3 the actual running around the galaxy bits felt a little sporadic. and I was really here for the parts where Juno was like 'hey you can miss something without actually wanting it back.' obv the whole 'Always Running Never Looking Back' thing was untenable from day one, but this whole time I haven't been ready to go back to Hyperion City. (for a minute there between WLB1 and Clean Break I'd had my heart set on the three of them following Jet around in the Ruby bc home isn't a place and there are endless menacing institutions to fuck up while in the company of the people you love.)

Going Back isn't necessarily what I hoped for but I'm seeing how that might turn out to be the logical conclusion and it is with gruDgiNG aCcepTAnce that I can see that being the most appropriate narrative choice given how much Home has been a theme this whole goddamn show. I gotta think they're toying with something interesting in the vein of Returning Changed, getting a full-circle parallel to FRP, also curious for a callback or more thoughts on Juno's Andromeda motif. like. can he Go Home? in a way that it's the Right Call? what does it mean if he Can? who's he gonna be if he Does?

and then there's our Thief Without A Home. i mean. I'm also not particularly interested in a 'settling down ever after' type narrative for them bc of who they are as people (they Need Shenanigans your honor). but. i mean they could still go pick fights with cyber-mobsters in Newtown. I could see it working if there's a focus on the idea of belonging and not just falling back on the usual model of domesticity. also i have already pictured This Conversation.

Juno: (scared shitless about the idea that this might be a dealbreaker after Everything) look before we get ahead of ourselves or anything. now that you're out from under their thumbs i need you to know I can't do the whole. running around the galaxy thing. like I should have told you the first time around. I can't actually do that forever and I'm not gonna ask you to stop if that's what you see yourself doing from here on out.

Nureyev (scared shitless that Juno's breaking up with him Now, After Everything): you don't. you don't mean you -

Juno: Rita and I want to go back to Hyperion City. not sure what we're doing yet, but I miss it and she misses Frannie and we're both ready to go home.

Nureyev:

Juno: and. there could be a place for you there too. if you wan-

Nureyev (has already thrown himself to the floor and flung his arms around Juno's knees): oh thank fuck please take me home with you i have been running for twenty years i am so tired

Juno (voice breaks): you're getting your own room to keep your stuff in and you can't hoard all the drinking glasses

#the penumbra podcast #juno steel #peter nureyev

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frostedpuffs · 2 months

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Okay, something has been bothering me about your recent art, how the heck does genetics work in furry universes? How does a bear and a hamster have a hamster child? And to be clear that 1) this is a question I have of other creators works as well, and 2) this is just a problem with the logic driven parts of my brain and occasionally they need drug out back and beat with a baseball bat. Very cute art though. I like that Chat's tail is different from Adrien's.

the way I think about furry genetics is that, if two different species have a baby, it will be about a 50/50 chance that the baby will reflect one parents species or the other. im not big on the hybrids thing because I feel like that just makes things so messy lol. so in the context of Sabine and Tom, because Sabine is a hamster and Tom is a bear, Marinette technically had a chance to come out as a bear instead of a hamster!

though if we look into that a little deeper, let's say Tom's parents were different species (like roland a bear and gina something else.) then I think Marinette could also have had a small chance to be the species that gina is, though it's less likely! I will say that I based marinettes white coloring on her grandma Gina's fur color, though I am still undecided what species gina would be

the fun part about furry aus is that you can be weird with genetics and not everything has to be 100% realistic. I mean...it is a furry au after all...lol

#ash answers #furry au

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2n2n · 3 months

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ch. 111

the plot thickens and I am thrown all around the room as if in a hurricane... I really cannot predict Iro-sensei's plots!!!!!!

oh Amane, all of your efforts, your gestures.... what a desperate, helpless feeling

its the most predictable response Tsukasa would have, but it still hurts very very much.

he's reaaaally strange isn't he... he's like that....

oh Amane.... you're so reactive to perceived rejection and failure. You'll say the worst things, you'll think the worst things... you're sooo unstable, Amane!

What, you simply don't accept that your otouto would 'try to leave you'? I bet it's something like that. You "know he's fake" now because he "wouldn't do something like this to you"... that's my guess at your dumb little brain. Don't take him too seriously, okay, Tsutsu? Your brother just can't handle the sense of rejection of you choosing to die & leave him behind, or he can't handle that all his gestures and attempts to show his love fell so flat that you have no idea at all of his desperate love of you. Nooooo you have to be fake~~~ my real otouto would understand and he'd never leave me~~!!! I don't think you, Amane, understand how suicidal your real otouto was, and is, to this day! Would you believe it has less to do with disregarding you, and more to do with not believing in his own life's worth? No, you won't believe that, right... it's about you, instead! hahaha....

I'm glad I played AidaIro's Snow White game because... Estelio is THIS HURTFUL to Rasphard, and it's just out of a sense of being rejected!!! Estelio would kick his twin's goddamn corpse on the ground, let him wriggle and DIE in pain and AGONY if Estelio has the impression Rasphard wants nothing to do with him or isn't considering him ... LOL. Iro likes this kind of ... troubled, insecure, desperate, spiteful, needy person... you want the perfect brother, who loves you. You have that, but you can't understand the idea of someone choosing to leave you through death....

I wonder if Tsukasa started grabbing your jacket to move you to protect you.... meanwhile, Amane impulsively moved to protect his ~~~fake otouto, haha!

I wonder ... if Nene-chan has her memories because, she is magical etc, or if Akane actively made Teru do something to her to enable her to... stay as an aware asset, since he isn't completely sided with the Clockkeepers... maybe Akane is waiting to see what 'new future' comes to be, and seeding a few tricks to utilize if he doesn't agree or wishes to pull out? (I mean, if the Severance never happened, Aoi definitely would not be his girlfriend haha)...

The clockeeper's circumstance is interesting enough. Its very Aidairo-core. But not enough for me to talk about haha.

swag, I have been right the whole time! cool. yep!! of course. logical haha!! I can't be too proud of myself, it's been spelled out ...

that same old God~~ our Tsutsu!

the year before the murder, when the boys were 12... fuckin scary place to go to. What on Earth are you changing... the circumstances of the shinjuu?

if we're 'fixing' the 'problem', I wonder if that means we'll be going into the original timeline, where Amane would likely still be alive-- he'd just be an old man, and Nene-chan's teacher at Kamome. Wouldn't that be so funny and interesting? Lol. What would we all do if Amane was "Yugi-sensei" and like, old! It would be very AidaIro core AHAHAH ahhh the agegap fetish--! It's not enough to have Sumire x Hakubo and Yako x Misaki and Kako x Mirai and the entire Monstery Nursery AUs LOL you know, we need more ahahahaah (HanaNene is already technically biiig agegap! I would laugh if actually making Amane like 60 woke some people up flfjdklfdjk)

I'm just not sure... Amane could just be dead, I guess, and Tsukasa. Or he could be alive, and old. I have a vague theory that he must be a kaii because of, whatever he or Tsukasa had done together during the shinjuu... (maybe Amane was impulsed to eat some part of Tsukasa, maybe the God blessed Amane at the last second, etc etc)... it's hard to imagine Amane would be a school mystery-- Tsukasa is his yorishiro after all... and we don't quite know what circumstances make Sumire and Tsukasa into objects, if being sacrificed to the God had something essential to do with that...

Well, so interesting, I wonder if Nene-chan will have to go even further than she did in Picture Perfect-- in that arc, she had to choose to reject a seemingly perfect, but ultimately fabricated, world; even if it was 'nicer' than the 'real world'. Now, she might be shown a world fixed of its cracks-- it could even possibly be a world Amane never had to murder his brother, like she wanted before. Nene-chan is so often getting "what she asked for" in the wrong way, at the wrong time. She fell in love with "Hanako". Is the boy she fell in love with "here"? Is he in a form she can confess to?

Furthermore, she just bonded with Tsukasa, and has knowledge of the Red House... must be essential, to write that happening before this-- just before, even. Tsukasa even inspired her to need to free herself, even if Amane isn't there to save her.

Poor Nene-chan though-- so scary!!! What an awful situation to be in HAHAHA, flung around...

I have no idea what Mitsuba's situation will be, but Tsukasa is responsible for our "Mitsuba" to even be around. He wouldn't have even managed to become the ghost about the entryway without Tsukasa kaii-ifying him through his first, vague wish.

Well, it would be funny if these things were all true now:

-Amane is alive, but he's old lol -Aoi is not Akane's gf, and maybe that other timeline was the only goddamn way you could ever get her within reach lol -No Mitsuba To Speak Of lol

MUCH POSSIBLE, MUCH TO THINK ABOUT-- MAYBE I'M WRONG ABOUT IT ALL!!! Iro-sensei writes such interesting plot twists WOO ahahaha! I WONDER IF WE WILL INTERACT WITH 12 YEAR OLD TSUKASA AGAAAIN~~ pleaaase ~~

feeling more certain than ever that Tsukasa is The single most tragic member of this cast hahaha

#avvy's JSHK

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resowrites · 1 year

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The Fight Before Christmas (part 2) - oneshot.

Summary: All is finally revealed, but will Henry and his girlfriend’s relationship ever be the same? (follow on from this oneshot, but can be read as a standalone story).

Pairings: AU!Henry Cavill x Girlfriend!OC

Warnings: 18+ only (adult themes), angst, fluff, relationship difficulties/argument, brief mention toxic family dynamics, brief mention of illness/end of life care, brief allusion to smut, dialogue heavy, time hopping/vignette style, language, pet names, nondescript OC body type/appearance, hastily written/lightly proofread.

WC: 4549

A/N: Phew, here it is folks. Sorry it’s a little rushed. This week’s been crazy and I ran out of time. I hope you all enjoy and as ever, please let me know your thoughts. This piece is a big bowl of happy/sad soup, please take care when reading as I know it can be a difficult time of year. I wish all of you a safe, peaceful Holiday - R x

My work must not be copied, reposted, or translated elsewhere. Likes, follows, reblogs and comments are thoroughly welcome and appreciated! Gifs/pics not my own. I hope you all enjoy and thanks for visiting!

The Fight Before Christmas (part 2) - oneshot.

Saturday 12:38 am

Henry hurried back inside, dazed and confused about what just happened. A rhythmic thumping noise then stopped him in his tracks. It was Kal plodding down the stairs. He usually hid in Ollie's office during the colder months, the warmth of the radiator under her desk providing a cosy place for naps. He crouched down and cuddled his boy. He must have heard the arguing, gone into their bedroom like he normally did at that time, and found them both missing. He wracked his brain for what to do. If he did go after her, she might not come back at all. But he just couldn't fathom why she was so determined to get away. He knew it wasn't anything he'd done, it was now technically the weekend which also meant he was officially off work until January. He'd been so looking forward to spending Christmas with her. Kal nudged at the hem of her coat, which dangled from the hook above them and whimpered. She'd left without it.

He shot back up and tried to find his phone, eventually realising it was still in the kitchen. He knew she probably wouldn't pick up, but he had to try. "Hi, this is Ollie. I'm sorry I can't take your call. Leave a message and I'll get back to you, thanks!" Just hearing her voice made his stomach drop. He tried to stay calm and think logically about where she might be headed. The nearest hotel was only a b&b and took a good two hours to get to, even at that time. Her only friends within an hour's distance were Rachel, Laura, and Claire. Laura used to be a nurse, but she also had young children. Would she bother her at that time? What if Laura didn't pick up and he couldn't reach either of them? His mind carried on racing until he felt something warm slide across his hand. Kal had followed him into the kitchen and was licking his fingers. "What am I gunna do mate, eh?" Kal's head merely tilted from left to right. He sighed and noticed the glass still spread out over the counter. He'd tidy up, keep ringing round for a bit, and then make up the sofa just in case she came back. But his plan didn't reassure him for long. Not when he actually looked around and knew that, already, the house seemed to have changed completely. He stared back down at his phone and decided to try texting her as well.

***

Saturday 8:06 am

"Oh Laura, thank God. Is she alright?"

"She's fine, didn't you see my text? I'm sorry I missed your calls--"

"She needs to get her hand stitched!"

"Don't worry, I've already taken care of it--"

"Well where is she? Can I talk to her?"

"Henry, calm down. I promise you, she's alright--"

"Good, then I'm on my way now." She hesitated.

"I'm not sure that's the best idea…" Henry's hand hovered over his car keys.

"What do you mean? I need her home, Laura." The worry in his voice made her heart pinch.

"I know, but I think she should stay here for a bit. What the hell happened? She was in a complete state… are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine - and I still don't bloody know! She's been acting strangely and I pushed too hard trying to find out why. I think something's up with her job, but it's not like her to just run off… something else must have happened. I've never seen her like it before, she got so angry she smashed a bottle she was holding. Has she really not said anything to you?"

"No, but then you know how stubborn she is. Don't worry, she's welcome to stay but I'll try and get her home as soon as I can. Right, I better go ring round and see if I can get some antibiotics, her hand will be okay but I don't want it getting infected."

"Yeah, sure, sorry I'll let you go. Thanks for all of this though and I'm sorry you were disturbed so late. How are Jack and the kids?"

"Yeah, all good. He'll be back in time for Christmas so my mum's looking after them while I sort out the house."

"Oh God, I'm sorry we're bothering you."

"Nah, I'm enjoying the company actually. I haven't seen her in ages so it'll be good to catch up. Please don't worry yourself, though."

"Easier said than done. To be honest, I'm afraid she won't want to come back."

"Don't be silly, she adores you. All will come right eventually, okay?"

"I hope so. Please keep an eye on her though, I'm worried about her state of mind. She isn't eating, either." She hesitated again, wondering whether or not to tell him Ollie hadn't touched her breakfast.

"I will, and I'll keep you updated. Take care of yourself, alright? And stop worrying."

"Okay, you take care as well… and give her my love." She gave her assurances and they said their goodbyes. She then peered through the kitchen door. Ollie was still sitting in the armchair, staring into space.

***

Friday 8:11 pm

"Ollie? Wh-what are you doing here?" She was in no mood for stupid questions and quickly but carefully pushed past her mother. "Ollie, don't go up there… he won't want to talk!" She let her mother's voice bounce off the stairs. When she came to the right door, she found herself holding her breath.

"… Dad? Dad, it's me, Ollie." He lifted his sagging head from the pillow and blinked until his eyes came into focus.

"W-why… why are you here?! Get out… now! Go on, go…" His rage quickly dissolved into a coughing fit.

"Dad, please. I've been trying to see you for weeks. I even had mum leave the phone by your bed so I could ring. B-but that doesn't matter now, how are you?" For several minutes he didn't respond, choosing instead to keep his cold gaze fixed on her face. Eventually, she looked away.

"Thirty-three."

"… I-I'm sorry?"

"Thirty-three years of age… and what do you have to show for it?" Her mouth went dry. "You should be a director at that company, and what are you? A glorified calculator. Why don't you toddle on back to him, while you still can? He'll get bored of you eventually…"

"That's not true."

"Oh, but it is. He doesn't love you. You're a failure, my girl. My biggest disappointment." There was no use countering his words with the same arguments she'd made time and time again. Compared to her sisters, she'd always been treated unfairly. And that wasn't about to change.

"… I-I just came to say, I'm sorry. For everything. I forgive you as well. Please, be at peace Dad. I love you." She then hurried from the room, almost bumping into her mother who it appeared had been listening in the entire time. They stared at each other for a moment. "I… wish you could have done more to help us." Her mother went to speak, then stopped herself. Ollie looked to the floor, her tears blurring her vision. "Goodbye, mum."

***

Monday

"Are you warm enough, darling? Here, let me put the seat warmers on…"

"I'm fine, love. Honest." Henry stopped fidgeting with the dials and the pair locked eyes for a moment. She cleared her throat. "… Thanks for coming to get me. And I'm sorry, for all the… theatrics." He smiled softly.

"Don't be daft. I'm just glad you're alright."

"No, I mean it. I shouldn't have handled things the way I did or said--"

"Darling, it's alright. And I'm sorry too. You said you needed space and I should have listened." An idea then popped into Henry's head. He didn't know if he could pull it off, but he'd look into it the minute they got back. "Christ, have you ever seen so much traffic on these roads? I'm sorry, I'll try and get us home as quick as I can."

"Don't worry, I don't need to be back for nine."

"Oh? Okay, well we should still be back before ten." Henry shifted awkwardly in his seat. It was less than a week until Christmas and although he was desperate to know more, he wasn't about to risk asking questions.

"It's fine actually, I won't be working again until January. I've… decided to go freelance." There was a long pause.

"Ollie… did you lose your job?" She sighed.

"Not exactly. Do you remember that presentation I had to give?" He nodded eagerly, trying to balance his attention between her and the road. "Well, it was to suggest some better ways to balance the books… the company's bracing for recession. Anyway, afterward, my new boss thanked me for my 'little talk,' but said he'd decided just to merge my department instead. I could either take a pay cut or redundancy. I gave notice right there and then. The cheeky fucker even asked if he could take me out for a drink and see whether he could find something else for me." She sniffed hard and wiped her face.

"Oh, my darling…"

"No, it's fine. Really. I know someone else in the company who went freelance about a year ago. They've already let me know they're happy to help me get set up. It'll be tough at first and I'll need to be close to my client base… but in the long term I should have greater flexibility." She tried to smile convincingly but Henry could see the fear in her eyes. At that moment, her phone pinged.

"Well, I'll be here for you every step of the way. I'll always support— darling? What's wrong?" She quickly shut off the screen.

"I, uh… nothing. It's nothing."

"… Ollie, what's going on?" She swallowed back the lump forming in her throat.

"It's nothing, darling. I mean, nothing that's worth discussing at the moment." The rest of the journey home was silent.

***

Boxing Day

Things had more or less returned to normal and they spent a lovely, if hectic, couple of days with Henry's family. They travelled back late Christmas day night so they could spend Boxing Day together. They even waited to exchange gifts. It was a tradition they'd kept from the beginning of their relationship. No matter their plans over the holidays, Boxing Day was just for the two of them. And this year Ollie was more grateful for it than ever before. She wasn't normally awake before Henry, but she took the opportunity to curl into his chest and feel the warmth of his skin against her own. "Mmmm g'morning… do I take it I'm getting my Christmas present before breakfast?" He growled into her neck, the sensation making her squeal.

"Oh behave yourself, I was cold… that's all."

"Mm-hm, I believe ya…" Henry climbed on top of her, pulling down the waistband of her pants while he smothered her with kisses.

"Henry! S-stop it!" He harrumphed, collapsed on top of her, and buried his face in her neck. "Er… what are you doing?! Get off, I can't breathe!"

"You said you were cold so I'm keeping you warm! Mmmm you've got your baby smell…" Henry breathed deeply, refusing to budge. She sighed.

***

"Hey, wait a minute, where're my bloody presents?" Henry's nose had led him straight into the kitchen, where she was making a cooked breakfast. He then tried to lift a slice of bacon straight out of the frying pan, causing her to swat his hand.

"OW! I only wanted a nibble… am I to be starved of a Boxing Day morn as well?"

"Oh shut up. How many times do I have to tell you? No eating until I've plated up. And your presents are under the tree, santa obviously didn't check his list twice this year." Henry smirked and shuffled off into the living room. "Hey! No bloody peeking!"

***

"There you are my sweet boy, is that good?" She watched as Kal dived into the bowl of cooked giblets, smoothing down the knitted Christmas jumper she'd made for him, over his back.

"Hey, why does he get to have his presents before me?"

"Cos he's not a whiney little shit. That's why."

"Well, it's a good job I'm the forgiving sort. Heads up!" Henry lobbed a present straight at her, almost conking her on the head.

"Jesus Henry, you almost took me out!" But he just grinned and carried on munching away at some leftover toast.

"W-what… what’s this?" She opened the box to find a large, plastic magnifying glass.

"Well, you know how you're really vain and won't get glasses--"

"I'm vain?!?!"

"… I thought it might come in handy," Henry then reached over and clicked a button on the side, "see? It lights up and look, it even folds in half…"

"Oh? Well then you know where you can stick it…" He struggled to hold in his laughter.

"What? That's a lovely gift! I bet you didn’t put as much thought into mine…"

"Well why don't you open it and see? I'm tempted to throw it but I might strain my wrist…" Henry lifted the heavy box onto his lap.

"Christ, what did you get me?" He ripped away the paper.

"It's a Hollywood mirror, like the ones you get in your trailers. Now you can be the star of the show, even at home…" Henry rubbed his jaw, trying to hide his smile.

"Well, d'ya like it?" He nodded, still unable to look straight into her deadpan eyes. "Oh good. You got any more for me?" Henry pointed towards another box. She gasped the minute she opened it.

"You got me new headphones?! Oh, Henry… these must have cost a fortune!"

"Do you like them? They're proper noise-cancelling ones."

"So I don't have to listen to you anymore?! Oh my God, I love them! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" He chuckled.

"Well?!"

"Well, what?!"

"Where's my kiss?" She sighed and plonked herself next to him, pecking his fuzzy cheek. "Is that last one for me?" Henry eyed the final box beneath the tree. She gulped. Normally they promised only to buy each other a couple of joke presents. She reasoned that he spoiled her enough, even though they both knew that wasn't quite true. She'd never let Henry spend much money on her. She felt she had enough of her own and more to the point, it made her uncomfortable. But she hadn't anticipated the headphones. Uneasily, she watched as he ripped open the paper. Henry stared down at the gift for several moments. A boxset of Witcher books.

"I, er… thought you might want to double-check the source material." To this day, she didn't know how she managed to keep a straight face. He cleared his throat, put the books aside, and got to his feet. "What are you doing?"

"You've got a five-minute headstart."

***

Henry spent most of the next hour chasing her around the house, culminating in sex which lasted a further two. "Hey, do you remember our first Christmas?" He whispered eventually, his body still wrapped around her own.

"Mmm, you mean where you broke the oven door checking on the turkey?"

"I was just seeing if it was done!"

"… Or to make sure it was cooking evenly."

"Well what can I say, I'd yet to fully appreciate your culinary prowess. I think even my mum's turkey can't beat yours."

"It did that year." Henry chuckled. "But thanks for the bargaining chip. I've got something to hold over you now if ever you should cross me…"

"Ollie, look at me." She turned her head. "You've got to learn to be more forgiving…" She swatted him on the arm. "Right, come on, we can’t lay here all day."

"Oh, I thought you'd want another round?"

"Always. But come on, get dressed and then meet me in the car."

"Why? Are you throwing me out? On Boxing Day?! Oh, Henry. It was only some books." Henry ignored her deadpan face.

"Well, as deserved as that might be, it's actually so I can give you your last gift. Just put together a bag of any extra stuff you want to bring, your clothes are already packed."

"What d'ya mean? Where are we going?"

"You'll see. Come on, shift it." He spanked her backside and pulled her out of bed.

"Well hang on, I better get some knickers as well. I know you won't have packed them." Henry smirked.

***

She jogged downstairs, her rucksack already on her back, only to find Henry still in the living room. "Oh no, don't tell me the car won’t start? Didn't you only just fill it up?" The look on his face was unreadable and his arms remained crossed. "Henry, what is it?"

"Your mum just phoned." A pit opened in her stomach. "She's been trying to get hold of you since Monday. Your father’s been moved into end of life care."

"Yes, I know." She dropped her rucksack to the floor and began rooting around it, more for something to do at that moment than anything else.

"Apparently he's been sick for a while."

“I only found out last month."

"… And you didn't think to tell me?" She moved her chargers to another pocket, concerned they'd scratch her tablet. "Ollie?"

"What, Henry?" She snapped back up, exasperation now lacing her voice. He had to tread carefully.

"Why didn't you say anything?!" She sighed.

"Because you'd just given me the promise ring and found out you were playing Superman again! Things were so happy that I wanted to wait, but then they told you they were recasting, and after that came Christmas. When exactly was I meant to tell you?!"

"Don't make excuses Ollie, there's never a right moment for that sort of news and you know it. I mean I knew something was wrong, but I never suspected it was this. You've spent all this time with it weighing on you, and for what? If it was my father you wouldn't have been able to do enough for me!"

"Your Dad's not like mine!" She tried desperately to hold back her tears. Henry rushed towards her. "No, stop! I’m okay, really."

"For God's sake, stop it! No, you're not. None of this is okay! Is that where you were Friday? What the hell did he say to you?!" Relief washed over her. At least her mother hadn't told him that much.

"Nothing, we said our goodbyes and parted peacefully. I was just exhausted by the time I got back, it was a bloody long day."

"Stop lying to me, Ollie. And why aren't you talking to your mum? You can't just cut off your family— "

"Henry, enough. I'm not discussing it. Today's supposed to be our day." Henry sighed and bowed his head.

"… I just wish that, for once, you could trust me enough to be honest. That's all." He kissed her forehead, picked up her rucksack, and headed out the door.

***

For the first half an hour, the journey was mostly silent. Eventually, she couldn't stand it anymore. "I'm sorry, okay? I hate that part of my life, and I didn't want any more of it bleeding into everything we've built together--"

"Ollie, you never have to hide anything from me!"

"Just let me finish. I thought I was protecting us from all of it but… clearly not. So, in the new year, I'm gunna get some help."

"What, you mean like… therapy? Darling, I'm not going anywhere, surely you know that?"

"It's not just for us, I need some help trying to process everything better as well." Henry's heart sank.

"Okay… but please know that I'm here for you. I mean it Ollie, there's nothing you can't talk to me about. Will you let me pay for the sessions? What else can I do?"

"My savings will cover it, darling. And you do enough for me, you always have." Another silence descended over the car.

***

After an hour and a half, they finally arrived at a little cottage, perched along with its neighbour in the corner of a meadow that rolled down to a private beach. "Oh my God, is that the sea?!" Ollie clasped her hands together in delight. Henry just smiled, grabbed their bags, and led her into one of the most beautiful living rooms she'd ever seen. Low oak beams and a large, roaring fireplace framed the neatly whitewashed walls, all currently adorned with holly and ivy. "So… first impressions?"

"It's beautiful," She ducked in and out of the other rooms, her excitement only growing, "I could stay here forever!" His smile grew wider.

"Well that's lucky… cos it's yours." Henry winged a set of keys right at her, the shock of what he'd just said almost causing her to drop them.

"You what?!"

"I've still got some paperwork to sign, but it's yours darling."

"I, I…" She fell to the sofa, struggling to comprehend what was happening. He gently took a seat beside her. "Henry… you can't buy me a house!"

"Why not?" She jumped to her feet and quickly started pacing about.

"Because it's too much! We already have a lovely house! Oh my God, it must have cost the earth, at least me pay half--" Henry climbed to his feet and rubbed her shoulders in a vain attempt to calm her down.

"You're not paying a bloody penny. Consider it our holiday home if you must, but I wanted you to have a place to go when you need space. I know you find being at home tough when I'm away, so this can be a change of scenery. You love the sea and I'll feel a lot better if I know you're safe and comfortable here. And don't worry, there's a lovely older couple next door, they've already told me they're happy to help look after the place when we're gone." She was so overwhelmed she couldn’t speak. He wiped the tears from her eyes and cradled her face, "will you please accept it?" She dashed back into the hallway and Henry could hear the unzipping of her rucksack.

"… Only if you accept this. It doesn't quite compare to a house, but I hope you'll like it all the same."

"You got me a Christmas card?" She ignored his deadpan face and snatched back the envelope. She then took a deep breath.

“Henry William - and one I still can't pronounce - Cavill. You live to irritate me," Henry's look of confusion was replaced by a set of pursed lips, "you somehow manage to make more mess than Kal, as well as shed twice as much hair--"

"Is this actually leading somewhere?"

"And I'll be amazed if I don't lose all of my hair by the time you lose the rest of yours. All that being said, I don't want to miss another second of any of it, ever again. Will you marry me?"

"… What?" His voice was small and confused.

"I said, will you marry me?!" Henry blinked a few times and took a couple of steps back, rubbing his forehead as he chuckled.

"Are you serious?" She nodded eagerly. "No… you want to marry me? For real?!"

"Yes!" He then rushed towards her. Before she knew it, she was in a fireman's lift being wildly spun about while Henry whooped and cheered at the top of his lungs. Poor Kal could only bark in confusion.

"HENRY! P-PUT ME DOWNNN!" By the time he stood her upright, she was close to falling down. Henry grabbed then her cheeks, which gradually helped the room stop spinning.

"Are you sure though, darling? You were adamant about not getting married. You're not just doing it because, well… I mean a lot's going on at the moment."

"Henry, whether it be love or demonic possession, I truly wish to marry you--"

"But you're not just asking because I bought the house, are you? Are these actually Playstation vouchers?" He picked up the envelope that had dropped to the floor in all the chaos.

"Oh… I thought you wanted Xbox ones?" Henry's mouth fell open, causing her to snicker. "Why don't you just open it?" He eyed her suspiciously before tearing open the envelope. "As I was the one to propose, I thought you'd probably want to pick out the rings. So… is that a yes then?" Henry's vision blurred as he looked down at the invitation for a fitting at a bespoke jeweller.

"Henry?!" She wiped the tears that spilled down his face as he nodded.

"… But what about our promise rings?"

"Well, they can be our engagement rings." Henry chewed his lip, still struggling to believe what was happening.

"So are you going to be a 'Mrs?' And take my last name?"

"Mm-hm."

"Are you gunna wear a dress?"

"Mm-hm."

"Can I call you 'wife,' now? All the time?"

"Mmm… let's say twice a day. Once in the morning and once at night. And only after we're married."

"Okay well let's circle back to that… can we have guests? Not too many but a few? Where are we going to have it? And when?!" His face was so eager and bright that she couldn't help but smile.

"Well… this place looks like it's got a nice little garden. Why don't we have it out there as soon as the weather's warmer? We could then go back to ours and have a garden party, that way more people could attend afterward--" Henry quickly pulled her into a tight hug.

"… You don't have to do this just to make me happy." She smiled against the middle of his chest, the weight of his arms around her only adding to her comfort.

"I'm doing it because of how happy you make me, you silly sod."

"I love you, my darling."

"Right up until you leave more for an eighteen-year-old?" Henry tutted.

"Look at me, I'm not going anywhere. How could I ever leave my wally Ollie?"

"But what if my arse gets bigger?"

"… How big are we talking?" She bopped him on the arm. "Well I suppose I can always have the doors widened," she rolled her eyes, "don't worry! As you said, I won't have much hair left by then, no one else will want me." She sighed. "I love you, my darling."

"And I, you. Fuck knows why."

"Well, maybe this'll also help. I'm not leaving in January."

"What? Why?! You said I could have this place to myself!" Henry roared with laughter.

"I thought you'd be pleased!"

"Well… I suppose. But what happened?"

"Filming got pushed back." She eyed him warily.

"Henry--"

"Darling, I want to be with you--"

"But you can't just turn down work! What will--" Henry gently clamped his hand over her mouth.

"Ah, much better. Now, are you gunna say it back or what?" She shoved his hand away.

"Say what, you arch idiot?"

"You know what!" She sighed again.

"I love you too. There, happy?" Henry tilted her chin and kissed her deeply.

"More than any man on God's green earth."

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edensbuttercups · 2 years

Text

Ghosts aren't real - Robert "Bob" Floyd x reader

Summary: You never really believed in ghosts, but after the weirdness of the past few days you're starting to. On Halloween night, after a shift at the Hard Deck, you talk about it and Bob offers to come home with you, willing to find a logical explanation or catch whatever is haunting you.

A/N: I've been slightly blessed with writer's block, yet somehow got the idea for this fic and wrote it in just over a day 🥴 Hopefully I'll get the other's I'm working on out soon, but for now here is this little Halloween treat 🎃 (It's not also so late it's technically not Halloween anymore where I am but shhh) I wish Rhett occasionally wore glasses 'cause it would make the gif fit more but uugh, I guess it will do

Words: 6k

As always, requests are open and comments are very much appreciated! Thank you for reading and hope you're all having a good day ♡

You felt like you were going crazy.

Your doorbell ringing with no one in sight, the tv turning on and off even when you were nowhere close to the remote, the motion sensor outside turning on when no one was there. And it didn’t help that all of this was happening in the week leading up to Halloween, the pumpkin and skeleton decorations only adding to your weariness.

Luckily nothing seemed to happen in the night, only in the hours that lead to it, leaving you to sleep somewhat peacefully. Still, getting home from work each evening left you with a sense of… not quite dread, but something along those lines.

You had talked about it at the Hard Deck before everything started happening, which only made this feel like a wicked joke from the universe or a ghost that had taken you as its victim after your talk with them.

”Didn’t sleep?” Hangman asked you, leaning over the counter as you prepared their usual order. You smiled when you opened Bob’s lemonade, still finding it cute how he never drank alcohol and always opted for the citrusy drink. “Watched a horror film last night.” You explained with a sigh, “I’m not usually afraid, but I kept feeling like I’d open my eyes to find a ghost staring at me.” You laughed along when he did, rolling your eyes when he slapped a hand over his thigh, still laughing. “Scared of ghosts?” He asked, making you shake your head in answer as you placed the last bottle on the tray. “Not quite. Ghosts aren’t real.” You explained with a chuckle, as if it was obvious, “But after a horror film it’s easy to forget about my lack of belief.” He smirked, playfully saluting you before heading back to the pool table, handing everyone their drink and taking hold of a cue stick, challenging whoever dared play against him, Coyote not backing out but accepting the challenge, smirking back at him. Bob turned to look at you, raising his drink your way with a smile that you returned, loving that he always thanked you, even if Hangman was the one bringing him his drink and this was, after all, part of your job.

A few days after that, things started happening. First it was small things, the gust of wind past your window sounding a little too loud, the scrape of wood against the glass sounding like fingernails, all things that were only scary because of the connections your mind decided to make, but then the tv started turning on and off and the lights outside turning on when no one was even near your porch.

It wasn’t extreme, wouldn’t happen more than once or twice a night, but it started making you wonder, the spooky season only adding to it, with its great selection of horror films each night, amazing both for the entertainment of them and for plaguing your mind with the wonder of what could be haunting your home.

It was Monday morning, and as you looked in the mirror you did everything you could do to make you look less tired and more pretty, doing a simple Halloween makeup for the day, happy that your shift didn’t start until three, ending at nine and leaving you to spend the last hours of the night with your favorite squad, looking forward to teasing Hangman and Rooster and gossip with Phoenix, maybe talk a little to Fanboy or Bob. Penny had prepared a small witch hat clip you could clip on your head, so you chose a cute black dress, simple black tights and your favorite black boots, looking badass enough to kick whatever ghost was haunting you while also looking pretty enough to maybe find the courage to flirt a little with your lemonade-drinking crush.

Time to leave rolled by quickly enough, and glancing in the mirror you smiled at the reflection, loving the outfit and having worn it as it was on many occasions, but the little witch hat waiting for you at the Hard Deck definitely the perfect choice to elevate the look.

“You look great!” Penny exclaimed when you walked in, twirling when she saw you walking in to show you her own outfit, the dark red dress fitting her perfectly and the little horns she wore to match completing the look. “Look at you!” You smiled, holding a hand out to squeeze her shoulder, “Mav’s going to lose his mind.” You joked, nudging her softly. The look she sent your way made you laugh, and when she patted your shoulder you smiled, lowering your head so she could clip the little hat in place, leaving it resting comfortably on one side of your head. You glanced at the reflection in the mirror, loving the little addition, handmade by Penny the day before. “So,” she started explaining, pointing around the different parts of the bar, “decorations are sort of put up, we have to add a few more by the pool tables, near the darts, but only what won’t be ruined by whoever has bad aim, and down on the porch.” You nodded, getting to work with the decorations, one of your favorite parts of the holiday, the little skeletons and pumpkins and spiders, a good mix between cute and creepy as you hung them and placed them around the space. It would all look tied in together when the sun would set, leaving the candles and fairy lights to set the mood.

You and Penny ended up chatting for most of the afternoon, the first few clients walking in around the time the sun set, some of them complimenting the decorations, others pretending to be spooked, giving the two of you a thumbs up. “You’re on until 9pm, then you can go with your sailors.” Penny said with a playful glance once the few orders had been taken care of, reminding you about the deal you and her had for Halloween, knowing how much you enjoyed it and wanting you to have fun while still working, since you had insisted. She also knew about your little crush and teased you relentlessly for it, always urging you to do something about it because of how cute you and Bob would look together. “Yeah, yeah.” You muttered, turning over to prepare a pint for an old regular, a retired man by now but a good pilot years ago, his years of service shown by the wrinkles on his face and the badges that still adorned his jacket. “Here you go, Paul.” You said softly, handing him his drink.

“Well, well, well. You clean up nicely.” Hangman said loudly the second he walked in, interrupting your small talk with Paul as Coyote, Phoenix and Bob followed behind him, all of them looking you up and down with a smile. You always got along with Hangman, always answering back and never backing down, telling him when he was being a jerk and ringing the bell on him when he was being nothing but annoying. “Why, thank you, Bagman, and what are you supposed to be?” You asked, leaning over the counter and smirking, the fangs in his mouth, pale skin, exposed veins and bloodied shirt giving a pretty clear idea. “Yeah, he’s original as always.” Spoke Phoenix from behind him, slipping ahead and sitting on one of the free bar stools, placing a little Frankenstein’s Monster plushie on the counter. “You’re one to speak, Doctor.” Hangman scoffed, clearly not having noticed the plushie. “It’s Frankenstein.” She said, rolling her eyes and smiling at you when you placed her drink in front of her, not needing her to order anymore, knowing her choices by now. “Why don’t you have the scar and green skin then?” He asked, as if she was the one in the wrong, still oblivious. “Frankenstein’s the doctor.” You and Bob both said in unison, making Phoenix smirk up at you, another person that had figured out your not-so-secret crush. “Which, arguably, the real monster.” Bob added, knowing that the small freckles drawn on his cheeks were doing nothing to hide his blush. “Good observation, Milo.” You smiled his way, handing him his lemonade.

You loved his costume, not far from his usual attire, wearing a beige tank top and khaki green pants, the easiest clue as to who he was dressed as being the round frames resting on his nose and his hair parted in the middle, always having loved Milo as a character. His mouth fell open, a silent oh slipping from his lips that only made his blush darken, earning a chuckle from Coyote, his makeup matching Hangman’s, with the only addition of a bite mark on his neck. “He didn’t think anyone would get who he was.” Coyote explained, raising his drink your way in a silent cheer. “Yeah, I mean who the hell knows about Milo?” Hangman asked, practically draping himself over the stool. “Clearly not you, you didn’t even know about Frankenstein.” You joked, earning a scoff from the blond aviator. “What’s up with your neck?” You then asked Coyote, looking at him instead of granting Hangman more than a glance as you pointed at the two little bite marks, odd on a vampire. “I can answer this one.” Hangman proudly announced, sitting up straight. “The one thing he knows.” Bob muttered, his voice low enough for you to hear.

No one else seemed to, anyway, making your laughter seem out of place, yet Bob seemed to appreciate it, always loving when he got you to smile or laugh, a personal accomplishment he carried close to his heart. “We decided that I’d clearly be the first one to turn into a vampire, being the jock and all, but as a vampire I’d definitely turn Coyote with me. He’s my best friend, if I’m living forever, he’s suffering along.” He said, landing a loud smack on Coyote’s arm, the other man looking like he was ready to fight back. “I’m kinda surprised to see how much thought went into that, Count Bagman.” You bowed lightly, hoping he’d get at least this reference. He chuckled, tilting his head to the side and smirking as he always did, pointing to the pool tables. “Count Hangman has to show these people how to get beaten by him at pool, will you join us later?” “Yep. Shift finishes at nine, so I’ll be there around then.” You replied, checking that no other clients needed a refill or wanted to order. “Pretty good. See you in a few hours then!” Phoenix said with a smile, walking her way to the pool table and standing on one end, rolling the sleeves of her white coat up. She looked effortlessly cool, the black dress under the coat suiting her perfectly, and the fishnets were a fun touch, making her look the coolest out of the group of monsters and ghouls that were sitting around the table. “I’ll see you later.” Added Bob softly, giving you a little nod as he made his way to join her, smiling when he heard you shout a see you later, Milo! his way.

Nine pm rolled by quickly, making you sigh in relief when you sat by Nat’s side, joining the conversation effortlessly as you sipped on your drink. It hadn’t been a long shift per se, the bigger part of the work starting an hour before your shift ended, but you were glad to be on the other side of the counter and surrounded by your friends, finally catching up to their stories once more. “So,” Nat spoke after finishing her conversation with Fanboy, leaning more into your side, “Gonna talk to Bob?” “What?” You asked, never having mentioned that you would, too scared of ruining the perfectly great friendship you had built to risk it. “Oh, c’mon. You’ve both been staring at each other all night, and he couldn’t help but keep that blush on his cheeks after you called him Milo. He likes you too.” You shushed her, nudging her back. You wouldn’t talk to him, no, even if you knew that eventually your feelings would bubble out. That, or everyone that knew would carry on looking at you with that teasing or pitiful look. Either way, you could deal with it. “What about you, Nat?” you teased instead, tugging lightly at her white coat, “Got your eyes set on anyone tonight?” She looked around the room, taking a sip from her drink when she found who she was looking for. Following the direction of her gaze, you immediately could tell who she was looking for, the sparkling red dress hard to miss. “Wow. She’s really your type.” “There’s a lot of pretty people tonight.” She defended, looking around, “But yeah, she’s really my type.” She repeated, chuckling against you, setting her empty glass down. “Go order another cocktail. She’s near the bar and probably will come over, and if not…” “If not I don’t chicken out on my feelings like some of my friends.” She muttered, winking at you as she stood, grabbing her glass and making her way to the bar, her eyes darting to the woman as she did, not going unnoticed. With Natasha chatting to the mystery woman, and you perched on the pool table, jokingly judging each single one of Hangman’s hits, you soon grew tired of the loud music and chatter, needing a moment with some quiet and fresh air. “Count?” You called after he stopped cheering, his smirk still plastered on his face when he moved to look at you, raising an eyebrow. “Yes?” He drawled, resting some of his weight on the cue stick. “Heading out for some fresh air.” He nodded, his smirk dropping to a sincere smile. Your friendship with Hangman wasn’t free of arguments or tense moments, but he always looked out for you, and telling him when you were stepping out of the Hard Deck was one of the things he had asked you to mention, after spending a night with his heart in his throat when he couldn’t find you, the crowds thick and hard to get through. He found you eventually, hiding just by the porch after the overcrowded rooms grew too loud and rowdy, needing the moment of break before heading back in to finish the last hour of your shift.

The porch was full of people, some dressed up and others in regular clothes, so you sneaked further ahead, on the sand, looking at the waves crash and turn into foam, the warm glow of the moon making everything more special. You felt someone sit next to you after some time had passed, looking up to see Bob and smiling at the sight, resting your head on his shoulder, the sound of the waves repetitive enough to make your eyes grow heavy.

“Enjoying the party?” He asked, voice hushed after having to talk so loudly over the music and the chatter. “Yeah. Just needed some fresh air.” You said softly, eyes still closed as you stifled a yawn. He chuckled, grabbing a handful of sand and watching it slip past his fingers, “you sound tired.” “Haven’t been sleeping too well.” You muttered, lifting your head from his shoulder so that you could look at him. “How come?” He asked quickly, his expression growing slightly worried, something that did nothing to help your quick heartbeat. “Oh, well… I mean, it sounds stupid.” You said with a laugh, his serious expression making you go on as you shuffled, crossing your legs as you fully turned to look at him, your knees resting against his when he mirrored your position. “It started a few nights ago. Things are slightly weird at home, and I know it sounds stupid but it almost feels like there’s a ghost haunting me.”

He looked at you for a moment, expression serious, before his lips twisted upwards, a quiet laugh bubbling from him, easily going unnoticed had it not been for the movement of his shoulders.

You placed your hands over them, holding them down as if that could stop his laughing fit, starting to laugh with him when his hands flew up to grip onto your arms for support, head tilted forward as he tried catching his breath.

“Sorry,” he muttered, looking up to find your face inches away from his, his blush returning as quickly as yours, laughter slowly dying, even if his smile remained. “Sorry.” He repeated, pulling back. “It’s just, the other day you said that ‘ghosts aren’t real’.” You didn’t think he had heard, considering he was all the way at the pool tables. Or was he? You tried thinking back, not remembering him anywhere near Hangman. “Stealth pilot, yeah.” He answered, almost replying to your question. “You didn’t see me, but I had gone to the bathroom. I had just walked past Hangman when you said that.” He continued his explanation, a playful look in his eyes. “Huh. Impressive.” You replied, letting your hands fall on his knees for a moment only, not resisting the touch. “But yeah, a ghost is haunting me, look at that.” “What kind of haunting?” He asked, suddenly curious. He had always enjoyed paranormal programs, ghost hunting and the likes, even if he was a non-believer, simply not finding the idea of ghosts, ghouls or demons realistic. “Tv turning on and off, motion sensor light activating when no one’s there, doorbell ringing when no one’s there, … oh, weird sounds. Stuff like that.” “I feel like most of that can be explained. Maybe you need to switch your batteries out?” He offered, still finding the whole situation hilarious. “Sure, everything started happening at the same time four days ago because all of my batteries are dead.” “Almost dead.” He corrected. “Okay, almost dead.” You said, rolling your eyes, “but if that ghost decides to kill me tonight, my life’s on you.” You joked, this time watching him roll his eyes. “Okay, okay, well, I…” he rarely was shy around you, having grown used to your presence and humor and having hung out enough to truly consider you a friend, but he looked a little uncertain as he spoke, this time. “I could come over, if you’d like. Watch a scary film, catch the ghost, eat candy and tell each other some scary stories.” “You really don’t want me to sleep, huh?” You jokingly said, pushing his shoulder back to tease him.

“Floyd planning on keeping you up all night?” Phoenix spoke, draping her arms around your shoulders, her words carrying the sweet smell of the strawberry cocktail she was sipping on. “Nat.” You heard him whisper, sending her a warning glance. You understood the connotation of her words, knowing they were a silent dig at you, not at him. After all, you were the one with the crush. “I have a ghost at home and he offered to help me catch it.” You said looking up at her, her head slipping from resting on the top of your head to rest against your cheek instead. She clearly was a little drunk, taking the chance to be since they had the next day off, and she became a little more clingy than usual when she was. “Ah, of course he did.” She smirked, and even if you couldn’t see that you could perfectly see Bob’s reaction, his eyes begging her to be quiet while her words tinted his cheeks to the color of her drink. “Well, good look with that.” She mumbled, sending Bob a wink as she slipped back inside, the door clinking as it closed behind her.

You sat in silence for a moment, looking up at the stars, the salty air kissing your skin. He kept his eyes on you, unable to peer them away from your lips, their dark colour suiting you so well. He truly was bewitched.

“I love the night.” You whispered, looking back down at him. He looked so cute, his hair parted differently and glasses big and round, suiting him almost as much as his regular glasses did. But it was the blue and red neon lights from the Hard Deck that completed the scene, casting purple highlights on his skin, his look almost ethereal, somehow. “Can I take a picture of you?” You asked quietly when he only nodded at your statement, watching him stutter out an answer. “Well, I-… I mean, sure, I just- I… don’t usually look good.” You pulled up your phone, looking at him through the viewfinder and snapping the first picture, his eyes still wide from your question. “You’re very photogenic, Bob, and you do look good.” You snapped another picture after speaking your words, his smile genuine in the second snapshot. “Look.” You said, turning the phone his way to show him, his eyes still on you. “Can we take a photo together?” He asked you, this time. You had few photos with Bob, always getting lost in the moments you shared with him, often enjoying the time together too much to remember to document it with a picture. “Sure.” You said, standing to sit next to him, handing him your phone as you rested your head on his shoulder, smiling at the camera.

It was a cute picture, one you surely would print to hang on your wall, his smile soft matching your own, except you both were secretly looking at each other, the cause of your smile kept a secret from one another.

“I like myself next to you.” He said softly, studying the photo on your phone. It was a simple comment, but it still made you blush, the honesty behind it. You stayed like that for a little while longer, resting your head on his shoulder, stifling a yawn when the tiredness snuck up on you again. “Tired?” He whispered, lowering his hand to meet yours, interlocking your fingers together and squeezing them once out of reflex, feeling how well they fit together. “A little.” You mumbled back, smiling up when you looked at him, his lips a little too close for you to think anything other than how easy it would be to reach up and kiss them. “Let’s go then.” He said, breaking your thought process and tugging you up with him, his hand never leaving yours. You walked hand in hand in hand, ignoring Phoenix’s look and smirk and just squeezing his hand once, walking towards the rest of the squad to wish them a good night.

He held your hand all the way to your home, thankful that it wasn’t too far, considering that the pretty heels you were wearing that were slowly starting to hurt, but you ended up wishing it was a longer way when his hand slipped out of yours, setting on the small of your back as you opened the door and inviting him in, taking his jacket and leading him to the couch. “Would you like something to drink? I have lemonade.” You offered cheerfully, this whole routine familiar from the many late night chats and occasional movie nights you had shared.

You always made sure to be stocked up, occasionally buying different ones to try to find his favorite, keeping some snacks you knew he liked too, knowing he’d never request anything specific but slowly picking up on what his favorites were. “I’d love that.” He said with a small nod, leaning back and resting his head, grabbing a hold of the remote when you handed it to him.

With the drinks set on the table you sat by his side, going through the movies being shown and settling on a cheesy horror, more than happy to chat rather than watch jocks and cheerleaders being killed one by one. “I’ll put the remote over there, so if the ghost decides to turn the tv off there’s no doubt about it being one of us.” You said with a smirk, choosing to joke about this, no matter how much nervousness it had caused you over the past few days. “Sure. But what if the ghost doesn’t appreciate our film choice?” He teased, pulling his tongue out at you. “Then said ghost will have to suck it up.”

You sat on the sofa, your legs resting on his as the movie played, the blonde cheerleader screaming as she ran away from the killer, the scene cliché enough to not even phase you. “Do you think you’d survive in a horror film?” You asked him after a while, lifting your head to look at him. “People barely see me most of the time, so hopefully a killer also wouldn’t.” He chuckled, hand resting on your leg, the warmth of his hand making your skin buzz beneath it. “I see you.” You said, wishing you were closer to hold his hand, or show him that you cared, somehow. “I know.” He said honestly, smiling. You kept his eyes on him, feeling like maybe you could say something, but the doorbell went off, making your legs jolt away from his, suddenly feeling tense again. “I’ll go check.” He said, standing and moving towards the door, feeling your hand grip his arm after less than a step. “Not letting you go alone.” You mumbled, knowing he was wondering why you had joined him. And just like each night, the door was opened to reveal nobody there, the chilly air making its way into the apartment.

Bob took another step forward, stepping outside and keeping you behind him, shielding you from whatever was waiting in the dark. “Hello?” He called out, shushing you when you laughed. “What?” He asked you then, looking at you curiously. “Think you’ll need a ouija board if you want to talk to it.” “Maybe it wouldn’t be angry if you stopped calling it it.” He said back, pulling his tongue out at you. “You just called it it too.” You argued, smirking up at him. “Guess we’ll just have to be haunted together, then.” He teased, letting go of your hand to wrap his arm around your shoulder instead.

You felt so comfortable in his arms, so safe, and even if you wouldn’t reveal it to him, you couldn’t help the feeling blooming in your chest, and you mentally cursed when you reached the coach again, thinking that he’d let you go, but he didn’t, making you rest on his chest instead as you watched the unfortunate future of those teens, too dumb to make any right choices, it seemed.

He chuckled at the exaggerated scream another character let out, holding onto you as he did. You could barely concentrate, too focused on how it felt to be in his arms, how his heart sounded under your cheek, how his arm was wrapped protectively around you. You looked up again, taking in how he looked in these lights, the colors changing as the film went on, his lips settled into a relaxed smile, his blue eyes shining bright. He looked down at you, eyes darting between your eyes and your lips, feeling time slow down. Yet you both looked up when the detective on the screen shouted “Hands up!”, the volume sounding louder that it initially had, making you jolt as the killer was soon to be revealed. You held your breath in, not really for the revelation that was about to happen on the screen, but for what had almost happened between you and Bob.

Your eyes were trailed on the tv, too afraid to look anywhere else as the killer was slowly getting illuminated by the police lights, the camera panning up, reaching higher and higher until…

The tv turned off.

You glanced at the screen, seeing the remote resting near it, glancing up at Bob to prove what you meant. “See? I didn’t turn it off.” You huffed, cheeks still red from the almost-kiss, even if now the paranormal was back in mind. “This is the most annoying ghost. Right before we get to find out who the killer is.” He muttered, head turning to the side when he saw the motion light turn on. “Huh.” He hummed at that, furrowing his eyebrows. You tried not to mind that he seemed so normal, unable to see his cheeks in the dark, but still, he didn’t seem bothered by you two almost kissing. Were you reading too much into this? “You see, motion lights usually die when the batteries do, and ghosts wouldn’t activate them, technically.” He said, suddenly an expert ghost hunter. “Which means…?” You trailed on, not liking where this was going. “That this is a person.”

His expression switched from a softer one to a harsher one, seeing what Natasha had once described to you as his “serious look”, one he only donned while taking notes about important maneuvers, up in the air and when he felt in danger.

Only this time he didn’t feel in danger, he felt like you were, which was worse.

“You stay here.” He said sternly, pushing you back against the couch, both of his hands holding your shoulders, not wanting you to move. He was going to deal with this. “I’m going out.” It wasn’t a question, and his eyes were focused, cold, as he looked at you once again, gaze falling to the window behind you, looking over the garden. “You stay here.” He repeated, studying your face for one moment longer before standing and walking out back, his steps quiet enough that you didn’t even hear as he descended the stairs. You couldn’t get his eyes out of your head, how different they looked when they sensed danger, how quickly he leaped into action, how he glanced at your lips once more before going out the door. You cursed yourself for not moving sooner, getting distracted instead by the tv when what you had been waiting for was finally happening.

A scream broke the silence, and your train of thought, mainly, yet not close to Bob’s, meaning it must’ve been the mystery man. It was when his name was said that you realized who was in your garden. “Bob?” you heard coming from outside.

Hangman.

You had been scared of Hangman. Not a ghost, not a demon, not even a creep that had decided on scaring you around Halloween.

No, Hangman.

“What the hell are you doing here? Ow! Ow, ow, Bob, wait!” You stood, knowing that there was no danger anymore, standing at your door with your arms crossed. You watched as Bob dragged Hangman by the ear up to your front porch, the scene funny enough to make you smile. “Happy Halloween!” He said, trying to free himself from Bob’s hold. “Dick move, Hangman.” You spoke, giving a small nod to Bob, fine with letting him go now, but Bob shook his head, pulling on his ear, making him hiss at the tug. “Dude!” “Apologize.” Bob said back, set on not letting him go until he did. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled, looking more annoyed than sorry. “Did that sound sincere to you?” Bob asked you, his eyes finding yours with a sweetness they had lost when the motion light had turned on, determination having taken its place. “Not really, no.” You said, playing along. You didn’t really mind, seeing Bob holding Hangman by the ear enough of an apology for you. Actually, this was a great image. You raised a finger, telling Bob to wait a moment, running to the couch and grabbing your phone, opening the camera as you walked out, snapping a picture of the scene. “Oh, c’mon.” He grumbled, trying to pull away. “Apologize once more and you’re free.” Bob said, smirking at you when he saw you were still pointing the phone at them. “I’m sorry.” He said again, this time his tone was deemed sincere enough, making Bob let go of him.

He straightened up, wiping his shirt down in a theatrical manner, swinging the cloak behind his back like a truly ridiculous vampire. “How did you do it all?” You asked, not really out of curiosity, but because you needed to make sure it didn’t happen again. “Universal remote for your tv. Doorbell was… me ringing your doorbell and hiding.” “Like a child.” Bob muttered as you nodded along. “Motion sensor was an accident. I just happen to be a physical being.” You chuckled, shaking your head. “Go enjoy your night, instead of ruining mine.” you said, still annoyed but less so now that you knew what, or who, was causing all of the weirdness. “No more?” Bob asked, not wanting to be disturbed anymore tonight and not wanting you to get disturbed in the future. “Promise I’ll stop. It just felt funny with the whole ‘ghosts aren’t real’ talk.” Bob hummed, pushing Jake away with a quick good night, having had enough of him. He reached you and closed the door behind the two of you, smiling when he saw your relief. “We never found out who the killer was.” You muttered, breaking the silence. “No, but we caught the ghost.” He joked, his hand reaching up to rest on your cheek, making your breath get stuck in your throat once again, the touch new and foreign.

You were great friends, and often cuddled, held hands or simply rested on each other, it wasn’t new, but this was, feeling more intimate somehow. “There’s something else I never found out.” He whispered, thumb rubbing your cheek softly as you looked at him, his blue eyes peering into yours once more. “What?” You asked, eyes glancing at his lips before focusing back on the shade of blue you loved so much. “If we were going to kiss.”

He waited, smiling when you nodded, glancing at his lips again.

“Can I kiss you now?” He asked after another moment, leaning a little closer, leaving you to close the distance between the two of you. “Yes.” You hummed, pushing yourself up to meet his lips, taking a deep breath when you felt him against you, the hand that wasn’t holding your cheek slipping around your waist, pulling you flush against him. Your arms rose to wrap around his shoulders, smiling against his lips when you felt him melt into you, all of that nervousness you had held when it came to him leaving the second he deepened the kiss, pulling away to look at you again, the thumb grazing your cheek falling over your lips, tracing where his had just been. He chuckled, resting his forehead against your own. “So, I promised you a scary movie, and we watched one. Promised to catch a ghost, and we caught him.” He spoke matter of factly, tilting his head to the side, “That leaves…” “Candies and scary stories.” you said, quoting his earlier words. “Now, as much as I don’t think there’s anything as sweet as you…” he trailed on, laughing when you scoffed at his words. “You’re so cheesy.” You said softly, dropping your arms to rest at his waist, holding him close to you.

He tilted his head, reaching down to press a feather-light kiss on your lips, not getting enough of it now that he knew what it felt like. “I’ll grab some snacks, and we can snuggle on the couch?” You offered, untangling from him and immediately missing him, walking towards the cabinet to grab a few different things, from savory to sweet, along with another bottle of your drinks, the taste of his lemonade still lingering on your lips. “I’d love that, yeah.” He moved back, grabbing a fluffy blanket and placing it on his legs, waiting for you to place everything on the table before enveloping you in it, his strong arms wrapped around you as he kissed you again. “Out of all the trick or treating I’ve done, this is definitely the best treat.” He whispered as he pulled away, gaze raking over your features before leaning back towards you, your lips meeting his again as you giggled, pulling him closer still against you, not wanting to let him go.

#robert bob floyd x reader #bob floyd x reader #bob floyd imagine #top gun imagine #bob floyd #robert bob floyd #top gun fanfic #top gun halloween #top gun maverick #bob floyd fluff #hangman being an idiot

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gale-gentlepenguin · 11 months

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Gale Reviews: ML Season 5 episode 25 and 26: Confrontation and Re-creation

Since both episodes are out, I will review them both. Time to find out if the finale can bring it home

Spoilers below

-Gabriel and Tomoe think they are doing this for their own good. Should have called this episode Delusion.

-So they giving everyone nightmares, at least Adrien isn’t alone in suffering

-Ladrien dream was actually Marinette in ladybug armor. It looked cool but I wanted Ladrien

-Gabriel died in the dream, still don’t get how that’s a nightmare. (Marinette really forgot chat blanc existed

- okay Marinette’s parents dreams are adorable. Tom you sweet man, and Sabine care about their children and eachother.

-oh snap, Alya’s nightmare. Actually realistic and terrifying. For her at least.

-Tikki saw the food. Get it girl.

-Adrien technically been dealing with it the longest… but now it’s not special. Everyone be suffering

-they have a tech antidote for nightmares

-Damn, that is disturbing. And Adrien will probably use it… baby no.

-Okay he resisted. Good for him. Well it wasn’t an order, but still. Adrien is trying.

-Plagg mocking Gabriel.

-Plagg gonna be a menace today

-how many rings does that robot have

-Adrien giving up his miraculous out of despair. What a surprise, he’s gonna be out of the final fight. At least for now. Plagg gotta go get ladybug.

-Tikki ate all them bread. Respect

-“it’s not personal, it’s for Adrien.” That’s PRETTY FUCKING PERSONAL

-Nathalie’s nightmare is basically Gabriel winning. Glad she realized the truth on that… even if it was too little too late.

-Nathalie got a crossbow. KILL GABRIEL WITH IT

-oh damn, I knew all meditation apps were evil!

-Plagg flying across the ocean to get to Ladybug. Plagg will always be the light of my life

-Ladybug finding out Nathalie was A Lara croft

-Plagg gonna be smart about this

-Alliance showing why tech companies are all evil

-THEY ALL DOWNLOADED THE APP! NOT THE RESISTANCE. NOW NO ONE CAN RESISTANCE

-MYLENE THE GOAT! Mylene has shot up so much in my favorite classmate rankings

-Ivan's nightmare sounds adorable

-Mylene start slapping them please. NINO MUST BE DEEP HYPNOTIZED

-NO MYLENE DONT DO IT! And she dropped down in my rankings again

-Damn it, she was tricked by her friends

-Gabriel's cliche speech to Emilie. Blah blah blah. WHAT MORALITY?! YOU WERE ONCE A BRITISH CHIP MAKER?!

-NATHALIE GONNA SHOOT HIM! DO IT! END THIS MAN NATHALIE

-Gabriel really did the 'Appeal to her humanity' then betray her. Dude said he threw away his morality.

-Imagine the last thing you see is that ugly ass costume

-Ladybug learns Nathalie had all of the stuff

-Ladybug just saw that Monarch was Gabriel. Damn. I think thats a first

-Gabriel really just out here slandering and then leaving her with the poison app.

-DID NATHALIE JUST FUCKING DIE?! SHE GAVE EXPOSITION AND DIED

-Okay this is silly how they are turning everyone against Ladybug and Chat noir

-WAIT IS THAT FEI!

-Im convinced every adult in this show is an idiot.

-Oh good, alya is being logical.

-Oh wow, okay so the charm and Cataclysm that gabriel got actually are useful to his plan. Well played. Now die

-OH That is evil. Miraculize me.

-Damn it, i wanted cat alya.

-They tracking her.

-Well I gotta admit, the Alliance minion making is probably Gabriel's most effective plan. But like all plans, the women involved did the heavy lifting

-Ladybug hid by detransforming

-Gabriel is a little TOO enthusiastic about going to find a vulnerable teenage girl in his house

-Plagg finding out that Monarch was in his house the whole time.

-LADYBUG CAT NOIR UNIFICATION!

-KICKED IN THE FACE!

-BUG NOIR!. Okay so I am very mixed on the outfit, but the entrance and that confidence is stunning.

______________________________________________________________

(This is my reaction before watching part 2, so here is my quick thoughts)

For all the stakes and reveals. If I were to rate this by itself I would say... 7/10. I dont like how Adrien is absent for this whole thing. I really hope that this changes and Adrien somehow gets pulled in. Because quite frankly... THIS IS A BIG THING

______________________________________________________________

Okay now for part 2, recreation

-Oh its Lila or Cerise or... WHOMEVER THE F*** SHE IS.

-Seems Alec also had a s*** father.

-What is Lila even doing?

-SHE DROPPED A PIANO ON HIS HEAD! Beautiful

-She's beating his ass!

-Meanwhile back on the boat.

-Rose showing why she has CRAZY ASS STRENGTH

-WANG BE SMACKING BITCHES WITH HIS WOK!

-OMG, SU HAN TRAINED JAGGED STONE AND PENNY IN KUNG FU. Which means luka too.

-hold on, so NO FERNANDO!? 0/10. Needs more fernando.

-BUNNYX! Taking Luka to Paris.

-"I cant interfere, but YOU can."

-Please tell me Fang also knows mirakungfu

-HOT DOG DAN!!!!! THE GREATEST HERO OF ALL TIME! 10/10

-Oh right, Majestia too. To a lesser extent.

-Majestia makes a point.

-Yo, they gave Knight owl an upgrade.

-So basically Majestia and Knight owl are if Super man and Batman were lesbians.

-Monarch does have a point. He has 15 miraculous.

-I do enjoy Monarch getting flipped and kicked

-Did he just cough up Dust? Oh he is dying in real time

-Doesnt he look so redeemable (Sarcasm)

-BEAT HIS ASS WITH A SHOVEL!

-Darkowl was saved

-YO! I just realized that Eagle is the perfect counter for this power.

-Alya's sister split a building in half

-Power of the buffalo. I think the sub meant bull

-Bug noir brings the house down

-FANG!!!!!!!!!!! MVP MVP

-Luka has a cute name for his sister, thats adorable. Okay only 2/10 now

-Also this proves Mirakung fu is easy as hell to learn. so WHY DIDNT SU HAN TEACH LADYBUG AND CHAT NOIR!

-Su han, "How can you resist the nightmare."

-Knight owl: "I am the nightmare." That is so batman its hilarious

-FEI COMES IN LIKE A F***ING BEAST!

-Why even use any other transformation, the Dragon is so OP.

-Okay so The typical back and forth between hero and villain. Yea this was expected.

-Adrien wouldnt want this. Adrien wants that. You know who should have a say here? ADRIEN! That would be nice.

-Marinette is clearly more right, obviously. but I still wish Adrien could speak for himself.

-Okay so the heroes are getting widdled down, lila is hacking into the mansion

-Yo! she got a ton of rings with glue and a boomerang. Nice

-She knocked the butterfly off. (which is my bet on how Lila got it)

-So bugnoir won. Nice!

"Check mate." DAMN That was a hard line drop

-And then its ruined because Ladybug sees this guy only has a few hours left to live.

-What is she doing?

-Marinette what the hell are you doing?

-You mean to tell me that Nathalie could have just tied his ass up earlier and made him watch it and that probably could have prevented the whole events.

-But lets be honest, the only reason Gabriel feels the way he does right now is because his plan failed and he is dying

-IT TOOK A 30 SECOND CLIP. 30 F***ING SECONDS

-Yes, you did ruin everything. Now die sad.

-Gabriel is like "You make the wish"

-AND Marinette gets betrayed. She tried to Steven Universe this bit but ended up Venomed.

-Well at least Gabriel is still a dick.

-Reveal yourselves?

OH DAMN! THEY LOOK SO FUCKING COOL!!!

-I can see a certain group of fans being happy with these designs.

-GIMMI. THE KWAMI OF REALITY?!

-Oh damn so thats their fused form.

-Wait, why didnt Ladybug and Chat noir just summon their kwami's god forms to fight?

-Gimmi is a whole ass mood

-Gabriel, you dont deserve to be remembered as a good father. You were s***

-So Gabriel wins. yea this f***ing sucks

-Universe gets wiped

-WTF. Its a utopia?!

-Adrien gets two moms

-Glad everyone is having a grand old time but... wtf

-Oh look a NORMAL BABY!

-There are so many jokes I can make here but I will abstain.

-THEY GAVE GABRIEL A F***ING STATUE

-A world without Gabriel agreste meme here

-I really want to see this utopia completely uprooted and turned into chaos more than anything

-It sucks because there is some PRIME adrinette moment right in front of me, but it just feels like Adrien is left in the dark and gaslit.

-A cute kiss. But something seems wrong

-So they fixed the miraculous but the butterfly is missing (called it)

-Wait, Everyone gets a miraculous now?!

ALSO NO REVEAL WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

-Even Sabrina?!

-Wait, so Argos is allowed?! but how though?!

-Wait, how many endings does this episode have?

-Lila back at it again

-Wait... What the f*** happened?!

_________________________________________________________

Okay so this was a b**** and a half to finally watch

But yea. I do NOT like how this basically gave Gabriel his win.

Yea he's dead but he won.

Adrien has no idea that his father basically did that, and it makes the whole fight seem pointless.

Then there is all that utopia crap. (DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THIS. )

The adrinette is sweet and all that.

But ADRIEN IS BEING GASLIT. Its some bulls***

Also how does Marinette remember the wish? Wasnt it supposed to be some cosmic rewrite?

All I know is... I need some time to think. Do I even want to continue watching ML. Knowing that Gabriel wins and gets treated like a martyr.

Season 6 needs to start with some sort of Upheaval. Consequences need to be had.

As for my rating.

I cant give it an honest rating right now. I need to cool off.

Is it the worst written? No. But the ending has pissed me off

it feels tainted.

#miraculous ladybug #ml spoilers #ml #ml recreation #ml confrontation #miraculous ladybug spoilers #ml season 5 #ml season 5 spoilers

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martianbugsbunny · 8 months

Text

Not the gospel not the blanket statement but I don't like the way the Loki series, at least thus far, has treated either of Loki's queer identities. because guess what!! I happen to also be bisexual and genderfluid.

(also, this post has been in my drafts for enough days that I do not remember if I wrote before or after season 2 started, but I do know that 1: I wrote it before I watched that episode, and 2: I wouldn't made a damn lick of difference anyway.)

Okay so right off the bat, the bisexuality within the show is actually pretty decent. It's not a big deal, Loki isn't throwing himself at every character onscreen, that's pretty respectful. But I feel that (and this is simply my weary, jaded-at-the-MCU opinion) the writers decided to finally commit to him being canonically bisexual because it can be made more palatable for homophobic straight audiences. If you decide to say, okay, Character X is gay, they will then be shown in same-sex relationships or in a conspicuous absence of any relationship at all despite chemistry and history with same-sex characters, one of which pisses of the straights and one of which pisses of people like me. Now, I don't think Marvel minds hurting us, but it's still not a good look to say here's a canonically gay character but wait! we're not actually going to show a gay relationship onscreen. It feels like going for the cheapest of sucking-up options and ain't nobody buying. Therefore, the number of canonically gay characters in the MCU is low.

If you have a bisexual character, however, they can be in an opposite-sex relationship and the straights can pretend the character is also straight or going through a phase or some bullshit, and we can't say hey this feels like a cop-out because well we gave you what you wanted, the character is bisexual, and also because the biphobia card can be played against us immediately.

To avoid that, I'm saying right here and now I love opposite-sex bisexual relationships as a rule, whether it's bi4bi or one of the characters in the couple is straight. I'm bisexual and while the gender situation is complicated (we'll get to that in a minute) I'm AFAB and my only relationship ever has been with a cishet man, and I would throw hands with anybody who suggested that I'm not a real bisexual just because I haven't made that kind of a connection with a woman yet. (Trust me, I would love to date a woman.) Now, a wee bit of a caveat, the complicated gender also complicates that, because I am not female, so technically my relationship with that one man was not a straight relationship, but I also hadn't realized it at the time so it's difficult to parse what it was, and frankly I don't care.

The point is, it's the context, not the relationship, that really bothers me. The context is the MCU, which has proven itself pretty damn against having queer characters or queer relationships, particularly visibly same-sex ones, for the sake of the box office. Taking that into consideration Loki and Sylvie's relationship feels like a way to cop out of having to show a same-sex relationship with a queer character while also making queer people look bad if we say that it feels like a feeble attempt to score progressive brownie points. It also gives the straights in the room a reason to point and us and say why can't you be grateful, you've been thrown a bone, what more could you possibly want, you're so demanding. The MCU does the bare minimum, doesn't have to show a same-sex relationship, and we look like the badguys if we say what I'm saying right now.

But you know what I don't want? I don't want my identity weaponized against me, against other bisexual people who feel like we're being used as a not-really-queer statement for a character because not queer enough is something that I think is directed against bi people way too often. I don't want the MCU to use that logic in having a bi4bi couple, which I personally think is probably what at least part of their motivation was. I don't want to be accused of biphobia simply because I don't think an identity that I share with the character, and therefore have some experience with, is being used properly. Bisexuality is not a tool to say queer-not-queer about fictional characters, because using it that way I would go so far as to say can actually be detrimental to bisexual people in real life.

The gender fluid claim I hate with every ounce of my own gender. It's canon because what, it's showed on a file in the end-credits sequence? Lazy. Bullshit. I don't want it. Sylvie is treated like some kind of exception for being a woman and ostensibly a Loki; if Loki was actually genderfluid nobody would give a rat's ass. Our Loki could qualify as a woman and a Loki every now and then. Sylvie wouldn't be anything special...oh, wait. That would defeat the purpose of having her on the nice little pedestal the writers built for her. So they shoved in some quarter-assed claim (I say quarter-assed because it wasn't even enough effort to be half-assed) that's blink and you miss it, in fact don't specifically look for it and you miss it, to gender fluidity because...I don't even know. Because they want to bring MCU Loki closer to the comics version of Loki, who has been slaying gender fluidity for a darn while? Well, if that's why, they failed. Because they were looking for some more of those no-effort brownie points? If that's why, they've once again failed, because I am giving them none. There are no feathers for the MCU to preen here. Our Loki is a man and Sylvie is a woman, that's all there is to it, and putting that Loki is genderfluid in that stupid end-credits sequence doesn't change that. What would change that it actually depicting both of them as alternately male, female, nonbinary, etc., because that once again avoids the exceptionalism complex for one of them that would make gender fluidity look like a deviation for Loki when really it should be the norm. They tried to claim my gender identity for Loki and I'm not even sorry, I'm not having it. They failed. Of course it's not to say I'm the Almighty Keeper of the Gender Fluid. I'm not. But am I allowed to take full offense when someone majorly screws up at what they're barely even attempting to depict and it's my identity? YES. I am.

So the thing is, I'm probably overreacting a little bit. And as a member of a mistreated and marginalized part of society, and as a member of a fandom for something that feels sort of actively hostile towards people like me pretty often, I think I have the right to be. And as a person who actually lives with the identities that Loki is trying to claim, I also think I have the right to hold my opinion about it.

Now I'm not saying all genderfluid people or all bisexual people who watch the show will have the same reaction I did. That would be ridiculous. In fact, if not for the context of the MCU existing around it, I would be ecstatic about Loki being bisexual myself. But I am saying that these are the reactions I did have to it, and if you disagree, that's fine, but please do it as civilly as I am doing with people with whom I disagree. Queer representation is a complicated, messy thing, as is queerness itself a lot of the time, and different people will see different things in it.

Slay on.

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ace-sher-bi-john · 2 months

Text

Info On My Identity:

Romantic - Pan Greyromantic and/or Cupioromantic, Romance Favorable

Greyromantic because while I can't really say for sure if I've ever experienced romantic attraction before, I have experienced crushes, or rather squishes, before. They could have been purely aesthetic or platonic attraction, I think my brain is like holding out hope that I might actually be able to experience romantic attraction. As amatonormative as it sounds. It's mostly because I'm going to attempt to seek out a romantic relationship someday once I've finally "got my life together" whatever that means, and I would feel super guilty for the person I date if there's zero romantic attraction there on my part...

Cupioromantic perfectly describes me, as I want to participate in romantic relationships and get married someday, despite experiencing little to no romantic attraction. The reason I haven't used this label until now is because I read that some people in the aromantic community don't like it as an identity label due to it technically describing a behavior that you can control (whether you get into romantic relationships or not) rather than a feeling that you can't control (whether you experience romantic attraction or not), and it's seen by some in the community as reinforcing amatonormativity. I didn't want to upset people if using cupioromantic was wrong. But it's not. Cupioromantic is a valid identity, if anyone needed to hear that. I will be using cupioromantic from here on out, along with the other labels I use.

Up until now, I've been using romance favorable to describe that sentiment. That still applies, I am a romantic, despite being aromantic. The aromantic only applies to the type of attraction I experience, and has nothing to do with my desires.

I also use pan to describe me on top of all that because the few times I've had squishes, I've had them on both men and women. It felt more like the "genderblind" version of pan attraction as it was more about thinking they were adorable and liking their personality without gender coming to the equation at all. Going by this logic, I feel like this could also apply to nonbinary, trans and cis people of all gender identities. It doesn't matter to my brain whatsoever.

Sexual - Asexual, Sex Averse/Sex Favorable (depends on the day)

I identify as asexual. Although whether I'm sex-averse or sex-favorable depends on how I'm feeling each day. Ever since I opened myself up to reading explicit fanfics my brain has become more open to the idea of at least giving sex a try. It still sounds a bit icky sensory wise, but I think that if I tried it with someone who I trusted to respect my boundaries, I would be comfortable with giving it a go. Obviously I won't try it if I'm not 100% comfortable. Although I do want to have kids one day, and this is the "cheapest" way to do it. I'm not affording adoption, sperm bank or test tube baby on a preschool teacher salary lol.

Gender - Genderfluid and depending on the day I identify as either woman or gendervoid. Sometimes I feel like both describe me at the same time.

I was assigned female at birth, and I still very much identify with being a girl. I love presenting in a feminine way, I love traditionally feminine things, feel most comfortable using she/her/hers pronouns and feel confident in my body. But I've always felt a slight detachment between myself and other women. Whenever issues affecting women come up, my brain would always think like "Oh that's not good, I'm sorry that's happening to them" as though it doesn't affect me, despite the fact that I'm a woman. I have almost a dissociation between women and me even though I belong to that group.

I really thought about gender identity to see if I identify with any of the other gender identities out there, and every time I've always come back from it with "Definitely still cisgender woman, but with a hint of nonbinary". I didn't identify with the nonbinary part of me because I didn't want to lie about my identity if I'm actually a cis girl. But then, when a transphobic classmate jokingly asked me what my pronouns were, I came to the realization that I don't really care. I will always be most comfortable with she/her, but they/them and he/him and even neopronouns don't feel wrong on me. They feel neutral. I wouldn't feel uncomfortable being referred to by any of them. After a bit more research, I found the agender identity and it certainly described me, but it didn't really feel quite right either. Then I found gendervoid and it felt perfect. Gendervoid and agender basically mean the same thing, not identifying with any gender identity and feeling like you don't have a gender. But gendervoid specifically describes feeling like there's a void where your gender identity should be. That describes the dissociation from any gender identity that I experience a lot of the time. But I still identify as a girl as well.

Genderfluid still doesn't feel quite right, but it does describe me feeling both identities together.

Anyway that is everything that you need to know about my identity for now. If anything about this changes, I will probably make another post explaining it :)

#lgbtq+#aromantic #aromanticism #asexual #asexuality #aroace #greyroace #cupioromantic #aroace experiences #gendervoid #genderfluid

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sntechsupport · 2 months

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how does the "development" of a game like SBURB go in general? That is, it literally moves players to another reality and destroys entire civilizations, how can its "code" be changed?

and by the way, the question is also different: if you are the developers and technical support of the game, then... Who are you? In this case, you are even more powerful beings than the gods themselves in the game.

Answering this is not as trivial as it might seem, because since the start of my work on Sburb (as SkaiaNet called the game when we started making it) a lot of retroactive coding has been introduced it.

Initially we were developing the game for desktops, but they didn’t really… have the capacity to hold it. Since ~ATH code works with real-life conditions (especially nearby deaths), the logical step to “okay, let’s make the game play out in reality” is super obvious. Or at least it was to us. I think that at this point Glue, who worked on the inner codes, got the game infovirus.

Our first wave of testing was done by yours truly, I was one of the dedicated members of the testing team. I was there when the game was in 2D only. Test Sessions didn’t play the full game out, we looped and cloned one Incinisphere and changed its inner variables… Kind of like making a balloon animal, except instead of a balloon you use a bubble of existence.

The second testing wave was releasing the Sburb Alpha. That went… better than we expected, but much much worse than we anticipated. The “destroys the entire world” bit took us by surprise. We didn’t know how it was possible that the game released across countless timelines either. Granted, we didn’t want to be obliterated with the rest of the planet, so… We went down to the core code and instead of the game code we changed our code.

You see, ~ATH is amazing: It is a code that can describe anything. Even a living being. How it acts, what it looks like, how it reproduces… and how and if it exists. What we did was that we made SkaiaNet stop existing in those timelines in which Sburb destroyed our planet. We created a backup of those alternate selves we had there and merged them with “ours”.

I have (had) a lot of parallel memories. I am a lot of Gears, but ultimately I am just Gears. That delete-and-merge code is still active and it has eliminated me and our entire SkaiaNet to one singular instance.

And then it deleted that instance and made us literally not exist. We have always existed and yet never existed in the first place. Hence why time is sort of weird for us and we are on the wrong edge of the whole reality thing. Our SkaiaNet Headquarters is every single SN HQ that could have ever been (but of course, never was). I am every single Gear that could have been, but of course never was. A lot of those Gears could have never been born.

Currently at the HQ there are just 4 (I have absolutely no idea where Marketing Department is… and it is not my problem). All of us are infected with the game infovirus, so our placement is also a sort of a quarantine. Is the virus a computer virus or a disease-virus? Yes. When you think about it, there is no difference. It is a string of information that compels its host to replicate itself. It is now integrated into our own source code (and DNA). It has overwritten parts of code that are vital for people to remain, well, people. For example our death mechanic is ultimately broken. If we die, our bodies repair themselves, we get up and carry on. And that’s even if there is nothing left of the bodies.

The catch here is: The infovirus is the core-most line of the game itself. That’s it. The game wants to spread and exist… and so we work on it. We have to. We literally can’t stop. We can venture deep into the source code that allows us to manipulate the fundamentals of the game itself, I literally carry around brackets and spaces and backslashes and order the code physically around. Having the infovirus makes me part of the core source code, and makes it possible - I presume that without it the abstract strain would tear my consciousness apart, which is what happened to a couple of my colleagues.

So… Technically I suppose that the four of us are incredibly powerful and we have the capability alter the foundation of reality itself. But we can’t. Because it would make a shit game. And we can’t not make a bad game. We have to make the best game possible, one you’d play and suggest to your friends and family, one you’d play with your children and schoolmates.

Speaking of, I’ve procrastinated by answer this long enough, back to those giraffe-necked Prospitians.

Gear out.

#sn tech support #sburb #sgrub #snts lore

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nikofortuna · 4 days

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JTTW Chapter 41 Thoughts

Chapter 41 for the @journeythroughjourneytothewest Reading Group!

Starting off with the first poem at the beginning of the chapter, the German translation has translated its last part very differently or at least it seems so. However I won’t exclude the possibility of the meaning being the same after all and it just not having been as clear to me.

I am specifically referring to these lines:

“Five Phases hobbled wreck the grove of Chan,

Certain as rising wind’s frigid.”

In the J. F. Jenner translation they read pretty similarly:

“The Five Elements smash the woods of contemplation;

When the wind blows it is bound to be cold.”

Though in German they read:

“Kehr’ die Wandlungsphasen um trete in den Tempel ein,

Denn sobald der Wind sich regt wird es bitter frostig sein.”

Or as I translate them into English again:

“Reverse the Five Phases and enter the temple,

Because once the wind stirs up it will be frigid.”

The notes of the German translation provides the context of reversing the Five Phases also basically referring to reversing your aging as the regular cycle would be life and death. So internal alchemy strives to reverse the direction or the phases and direct fire or the spirit into water or life essence to combine and create new life force.

Now taking a quick glance at the Chinese Original with the help of Google Translate it seems to be closest to the J. F. Jenner translation in wording. Though given that the German translation provides the explanation it does it probably is a case of all versions carrying roughly the same meaning but some wording it much more poetically and others being more direct, which lead to my confusion.

Lovely how Sha Wujing is coming in with logic and teamwork as the solution!

Sir, he asked WHERE your brothers are, not who. I mean it still made clear the information requested, but technically that was not what he asked.

Plenty of marine animals! I won’t take a close look at each of them this time though as from a quick glance they seem to be a lot more complicated if not specific names in the Original Chinese version than the simple animal names we got in the Anthony C. Yu translation. Overall it seems to match up for the most part though. However what I am squinting at from a logical standpoint is the tortoise given that tortoise are land animals and not aquatic.

So you are telling me Buddha had blue hair?

Also it makes sense for the rain to fuel the fire instead of quelling it as it was described previously that water is also part of the magic to begin with.

He has a Bag of Holding you say? Why the group should take that with them! Could make carrying around the luggage a bit easier perhaps.

#xiyouji #journey to the west #jttw #sha wujing #jttw reading group #jttw book club

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xxlovelynovaxx · 5 days

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Okay a lot of this is valid but...

These parts:

I can drive but can't afford a car and can't get to the car without help where we live (it was in a parking garage two blocks away when we had one thanks to my parents). I can't work. I'm mostly housebound, but I can leave the house about 1-3 times a month. I isolate myself a lot. Crucially, this is as much because of my physical disabilities as my neurodisabilities, in ways that are inseparable due to being inextricably intertwined; but I also don't know what kind of disabilities the original post is referencing.

And idk, these parts seem in bad faith. Someone might be able to work and make appointments and travel but not wash or feed themselves, perform basic household chores. Someone may technically be "able" to do these things but while they do it is rapidly driving them towards a breakdown which will make them permanently unable to ever do them again, and might even just directly kill them.

Medium support needs is the widest and most nuanced category because being low support needs in highly visible categories but high support needs in less visible categories makes you effectively medium support needs.

That being said, this did make me realize that aside from a few splinter skills, I am essentially high support needs. Perhaps on the low end, given that I don't use AAC, am an ambulatory wheelchair user, etc, but still. I can only drive if someone gets me to and from the car, and if I have to go in anywhere other than a trusted person's house I almost always need a trusted person with me. In fact, I can maybe leave the house alone once every month to two months.

I cannot grocery shop for myself. I need help bathing myself. When constipated I need help toileting, as well as with the chamber pot setup every night by my bed due to interstitial cystitis. I can't prepare food to the point I can't wash a dish or use the microwave. I can make a budget but can rarely stick to it. I DEFINITELY can't work. I can't walk two blocks. I can't do ANY household chores.

I can do things like read, write, draw/paint, knit, learn languages, do math, and play logic games as hobbies, but only if my pathological demand avoidance doesn't get triggered and my executive dysfunction is low - and at a much slower pace than the vast majority of people, let alone the majority of people at the same skill level as me. I can't monetize any of these for those reasons. I also can't use these, for the most part, in any useful way even outside of monetizable ways.

There's so much more that I can't even remember right now because memory issues are part of my disabilities. I can technically make my own appointments, but a mix of medical trauma and phone anxiety has made it so that the "can" only applies very rarely. It's only gotten better at all recently because utter desperation drove me into "fight" instead of "flight" reflex about it. I've literally only been getting it done because one of my disabilities did that rare thing where it works in my favor while still hurting me.

I think maybe that's the part that stuck out at me. Even though I'm similar to OP in every other category, I technically can make my own appointments.

But it also makes me think of all the people who can do a lot of the things OP describes, but utterly CAN'T do other things at ALL, and who yes, explicitly are being denied help because of their ability to do the things they CAN do. Which, of course, doesn't mean people who can't do things across the board ARE all getting that help; just literally that they're being denied it for different reasons.

The part about "what is hard for you, I can't do" also sticks out at me though. "Can't" is more of a spectrum than people are willing to admit*, but also... something being extremely difficult for someone, especially to the point it is hurting them, explicitly means that they have support needs that are going unmet, because they need support to do the task without hurting themselves.

Someone who is low support needs finds these tasks relatively easy, and is harmed very little by performing them. Them being low support needs means they need a low level of support to easily and safely complete these tasks without hurting themselves. As a mobility aid user, this is someone who uses a cane on rare occasion, or uses a cane for mild support regularly.

Someone who is medium support needs finds these tasks significantly difficult, and is harmed a decent amount by performing them. They also may not be able to perform some, but able to perform others, to various extents and with varying levels of ease. Medium support needs means they need either a consistent medium level of support to easily and safely complete these tasks without hurting themselves. This is someone who uses crutches or a walker, or who switches between mobility aids based on their need that day.

Someone with high support needs finds these tasks extremely difficult or impossible, and is badly harmed by performing any of the tasks that they can. High support needs means they need a high level of support to get these tasks completed, up to and including having the tasks done for them. This is someone who regularly uses a wheelchair, even if they can walk a little bit.

If low support needs spaces don't leave room for legitimate struggle, neither do high support needs spaces. It's either, "you can't do it", or "you can and therefore no matter how much you struggle to do so and how much doing so hurts you, your support needs are not 'high' because needing a high level of support to complete a task SAFELY doesn't count".

Yes, there is a difference between not being able to complete a task at all and not being able to complete it safely. I have been on both sides of that line. With a few remaining tasks I still am. But like I said once before about being able to work, it is the difference between starving because you are not able to stab yourself for money, and stabbing yourself for money. One kills you very slowly with starvation as it disables you further and traumatizes you, one kills you by very slowly bleeding you out, forming scar tissue (trauma), and disabling you further.

They're both horrific, but somehow too many people handwave it as "but you CAN stab yourself and I don't see the internal injuries so obviously it isn't as bad as being literally unable to lift and move the knife".

They are different struggles, but I believe they're more equal than anyone is willing to admit, and I believe it's because people who can't do things - especially those who have never been able to do them - are unwilling to admit that being "able" to do things in a way that profoundly harms you is just as harmful as not being able to do them. It is not recognized as a struggle as valid or legitimate.

They mean you face different barriers to receiving adequate care and getting your support needs met. But not getting your support needs met over time often compounds into your support needs becoming significantly higher and losing abilities you previously had, sometimes permanently. This is true of all kinds of disabilities. These categories are somewhat fluid, but typically only in the direction of "becoming more disabled".

Quite frankly, I wonder if it would be helpful to create a category like "absolute support needs" to specifically address people who cannot, ever, meet most of their own needs or do most tasks. I think there could still be wiggle room for "most" vs "all" - Something like either 90 or 95 percent requiring another person or assistive device's help for example, roughly.

The problem with "high support needs" as it exists currently is that there ARE people who have extremely high support needs not being met that just barely scrape by getting the most urgent of them met.

But the thing is, it's not "low support needs=basically no support needs", "high support needs=every single support need at the highest level", and "medium support needs=everyone else".

High support needs are a smaller part of a wider spectrum. Someone can be on the low end or high end of high support needs. Someone can be on the low or high end of low support needs. The same goes for middle support needs but with even more complexity. There's a lot of overlap and grey area between "high end of low/low end of medium" and "high end of medium/low end of high".

But everyone who needs a massive amount of support to get their needs met is high support needs. As a personal example, just because I can walk a half mile with multiple rests on a good day, doesn't mean it won't leave me bedridden for days and potentially send me into anaphylaxis (with blood pressure changes and hives but usually airway isn't threatened, so it's not immediately life threatening but could progress to that point suddenly and without warning at any time). It doesn't mean doing it even once won't permanently reduce my ability to walk any distance and my average energy levels and so on. Yay MCAS/POTS/ME! /sarcastic

Someone who can't walk half a mile is also high support needs. Those can both be true. It doesn't diminish their level of support needs. I'd even say they're still higher support needs than me, because high support needs isn't one single point on the spectrum.

These points, on the other hand:

Like yes!!! I also can't transition without help, between needing to be prompted to take to my hormones and struggling to apply them and not having access to a better form of them, not being able to do ANY of the legal shit myself and honestly losing my ability to do paperwork in general over time... and yeah, the abuse, the ableism of blaming disabled people with higher support needs, having community, listening... yes! Exactly this!

Except for one thing.

"I want others to... leave the words I have to describe my existence alone."

No. Other people have the right to those words too. Other people whose existence is accurately described by those words in a way different than yours have just as much a claim to them as you do. You have no right to say "because these words are mine, they are mine alone". You do not get to unilaterally decide that the only "correct" way of using a word or label is your way of using it, because the people using it differently also get to decide that their usage is correct.

If you want to be listened to, it's hypocritical not to listen. You deserve to be listened to regardless, but I take issue with the hypocrisy itself. You don't want people to assume from what they do perceive of your disabilities that you have it easier, yet you assume others have it easier without knowing the full picture. You want other people to listen to you about your experiences, but refuse to listen to theirs.

I assume that you also don't want people to demand you use the exact right perfect language to describe your experiences and that you don't want them to accuse you of ableism if you don't, and yet if someone else genuinely identifies at the same support need level as you for different reasons, they're "taking language from you" (a phrase I see used often) and "not leaving 'your' language alone", despite language neither being a finite nor a privately owned resource.

This last one is an assumption and so may be inaccurate to OP, but is speaking to wider experiences of mine with disabled communities.

In the same way that LSN and some MSN people perpetuate ableism against some MSN and HSN people by acting like our needs are all met and blaming us for their need not being met, so too do some MSN and HSN people perpetuate ableism against other people with medium and high support needs by downplaying and invalidating our struggles, insisting we're more capable and abled than we really are, and denying us the language to accurately describe our own experiences, which is exactly what ableist systems such as our medical system currently already do.

High support needs spaces don't allow room for any struggle other than "impossible". They don't allow for "possible but at a cost significantly worse than not doing it". They don't allow for "can only when the planets align and a chicken dyed blue is within 3 square miles of you". They don't allow for "can do this one single difficult thing but utterly can't do literally anything else". It's "the highest most extreme possible level of support needs is high and everything else is medium or low".

That's been my experience at least. It's alienating and quite frankly, has been traumatizing. I'm too high support needs for medium support needs spaces and too low support needs for high support needs spaces, despite BEING high support needs. I also am not high support needs because of any particular disability, but the rather because of the combination of all of them. That's often further alienating as it's expected to categorize each disability depending on its individual support need level a lot of the time. I can't just go "my autism is low and my POTs is high" or "my chronic pain is low but my trauma is high" because they literally all affect each other to a high degree.

I also want my needs met, to be able to choose where I live, to have community, to have choice in my care, and also don't get those things. When I talked about perpetuating ableism, it's the assumption that I have all those things because I can make phone calls a couple times a month (something I really need someone else to do for me) that I'm talking about.

It's the same damn thing LSN people do to higher support needs people - assuming our needs are met based on YOUR perception of our disabilities and how they affect our daily lives and the way we're treated. Hell, it's assuming that we're able to get all our needs met on the basis of getting some of them met.

I have multiple friends who work who are slowly becoming more and more disabled because they NEED to not work and who may end up living with abusers, homeless, or dead as working and not getting their needs met causes their disabilities to progress. They are minimally medium support needs, and some are high support needs. For many of them, work is the ONLY thing they can do, and everything from medical appointments to household chores to making food is literally completely impossible while they're still working.

I have other friends who can't work at all, who can manage small levels of household tasks and self care but still need significant help with everything from feeding and cleaning themselves to budgeting to engaging with their hobbies. They're mostly high support needs.

Support needs are just so nuanced that flattening it into "low medium high" and then further flattening those into "people not disabled by their disability (low), people who can't do anything ever (high), and everyone else (medium)" is just... well.

Why can't people leave the language people use to describe their own personal support needs alone, indeed,? Using language for your own experiences that are very slightly different is apparently "not leaving it alone", but saying "you can't use this language, it's not yours, I'm taking it and locking it up" is leaving it alone? Or maybe it's just okay for the "right" people not to leave it alone and to take it from other people, but not for the "wrong" people, as decided by the right people".

Your exclusionism is totally different bro this time it's good like you promised. /sarcastic

Nah, this is literally like every other case of prescriptivist exclusionism. Lesbian and transmasc/transfem and intersex medicalists (those who exclude variations accepted by the community that are rejected by doctors) and anti-endos/sysmeds and cripplepunk exclusionists and "neurodivergent doesn't include these neurological divergences" and etc etc etc ad nauseum.

Anyway. Sorry for the red text by the way, it's the only color that isn't giving me a headache and fucking with my vision right now. If anyone can do image transcriptions/plain text I'll happily reblog that, because I know the colored text and undescribed images are inaccessible, and I'm sorry.

Adding: we're not here to argue about this, honestly, and we're certainly not here for bad faith assholes to tell us how actually we're evil and ableist for disagreeing with them on a disability thing as a disabled person or on support needs language as someone with high support needs.

We also refuse to engage with anyone who says "actually your support needs are lower than what you're calling them because only high support needs people get to define high support needs and you're not in my definition so you don't get to define them" because that's both prescriptivist and circular logic/a logical fallacy.

We will just block you, so do us a favor and block us first.

#ableism #vent post

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neerons · 18 days

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Having recently played the newer seasons for Kei and Yuzuru, one thing I noticed is how absent Kaz is. I like how there is this shared comradery between Kei and Yuzuru in their stories and it makes the reading experience all the more enjoyable. But then when I look at how absent Kaz is for the most part of their stories, it feels off. Not in a bad way as I still enjoyed the stories but off in a way that makes Kaz feel left out. They're the 3S's I do like them as a trio but I guess a part of me still wishes Kaz would be a little more involved in their stories all while still keeping the man guy (yuzu or kei) the main focus of the story. He does play an important role in Yuzu's and Kei's life and I get they can't be together all the time but I still wanted more of them to be together and not let Kaz be the equivalent of the Sailor Moon meme of Tuxedo Mask showing up for a few seconds before leaving. What do you think?

Is Kazuomi being left out in Kei's and Yuzuru's routes?

Hello anon!

I get what you mean when it comes to this, I've been thinking this while reading Kei's latest main stories as well. I have been a bit busy after being extremely sick last week, and then creating content for MK and Ikeprince lately, but I am still catching up on Yuzu's main stories and only have a remaining few to read to see how Kazu is portrayed in his route too.

I already got to mention this in previous asks, but from my point of view, there's at least 2 potential reasons that I can think of about why Kazuomi is being more "left out" of their trio in Kei's and Yuzu's latest stories.

The most logical reason I can think of is that Yuzu and Kei being seemingly closer is only due to them sharing the same writer. Of course we all know it's not true that they're closer technically speaking, but it makes sense that a writer is more capable of continuing a story with what they've already been working with and creating. It's possible that they know Kazuomi's characterization a bit less so they try to prioritize Kei and Yuzu, which they have been writing for since the beginning.

I don't know if the writers communicate between each other while making stories to make sure their scenario matches the characterization their colleage created, but if they don't, that would explain why Kazuomi is more absent.

There's another reason that's less technical and more of an in-game explanation, if that makes sense. What I also think is that Kazu, just like Yuzu and Kei, is extremely observant of others. Although, unlike Yuzuru and Kei who have a hard time not lending a hand to their closed ones, Kazuomi tries to respect his friends' boundaries and would only help if it was urgent or if he was asked for help.

He's not indifferent to their despair at all, but he's more of a spectator who is eager to know how his friends will act on their next move. In a way, he respects their pride and secretly trusts in their ability to overcome things on their own, despite being very worried about them deep down and hoping for a better situation. He seems to understand that it's important for them to be the ones to act for their own future, but if needed, he'll always be there.

He always knows what's going on and understands what they're feeling, although you would only learn that if Kazuomi is talking to MC alone, or through a special PoV of his. So, the reasons why he's more absent in their trio lately is either for practical or intentional purposes to me.

We are only going to learn this about Kazuomi in one of his next main stories, but it was heavily hinted in the latest MK event that Kazuomi is only acting as a "Kazuomi Shido" persona in public. What I mean by that is that Kazuomi's extravagant, full-of-life nature might be, for the most part, an act he has put on for a long time. Maybe even in front of Yuzu and Kei.

If I mention this, it's because I'm thinking that deep down, Kazuomi being distant and more of an observer is due to him wanting to see how his friends will play their own game. I'm not sure yet if this is what this is, but it's very possible that Kazuomi wants to take revenge on someone, such as his father or people linked to him, and Kazuomi might bet his life in a gamble against them in the process.

He knows what it's like to be destroyed and to want revenge, and so he probably takes a step back to let Yuzu and Kei accomplish what they need against their own enemies. Kazuomi likes a good show, and while of course he's not a monster who gets a kick out of seeing his friends suffer, he'll let them decide and act for themselves while watching over them.

I do agree with you though and think that Kazuomi should appear a bit more in their routes, because at the end of the day, all three of them have a similar past. They've all known poverty, been separated from their parents, been adopted, and now live a life of luxury full of people who only approach them with ulterior motives.

I don't think Yuzuru and Kei are closer by any means. Aside from sharing the same writer, it's a matter of different dynamics and personalities. Kei and Yuzuru have known despair a little bit earlier compared to Kazuomi (they were both 8 or 9) while Kazuomi was a teenager according to the Revenge event.

In terms of personality, Kazuomi also always gives off this aura of always being in control of things, right? Like it'd take a special person to outwit him. He's always chill, unbothered, even laughing actually. He's very free-spririted and often wanders off to God knows where to do this own thing. He's unpredictable and in a way, seems less reliable when it comes to serious subjects (even though deep down they all know they can rely on him).

He gives off this vibe of being strong on his own, never needing anyone's help. While for Kei and Yuzuru, they both share a vulnerability that's a bit more visible in them. They both are able to recognize each other's weakness which makes them want to help the other. They probably are unable to see Kazuomi's weakness because he conceals it so well, compared to them, is what I'm saying.

Ultimately, I'd also love to see more of Kazuomi in their routes since it's more fun and meaningful for the trio to be together, but I'm not forgetting that at least for Kei, Kazuomi is canonically an important person for him too and not just Yuzu. I'm about to know more about Kazuomi in Yuzu's latest stories soon too once I'm done catching up, but I already know they share the same bond. Kazuomi is so funny and so helpful to his friends, it'd be a shame to completely overlook him and mislead people into thinking he's less important to Kei and Yuzu!!

I'm planning on posting character analyses for Masquerade Kiss someday, and I've already started with Yuzuru, but maybe I'll make a post about their friendship and trio too once I'm done with those!

Thank you for the ask! and I'm sorry I talk so much

#ask #masquerade kiss #kazuomi shido #yuzuru shiba #kei soejima #voltage inc #love 365 #otome game #voltage #love 365 find your story #mk #otome games #voltage otome

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wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart · 4 months

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Oh no I am an anxious wreck once again. What now?

Here are a few tipps and tricks that help me personally to deal with anxiety (plus some I know work for others). Please feel free to add your own coping mechanisms in the notes!!!! Even though I technically know means to calm myself down, I always forget everything when I'm in the thick of it, so while this is mainly a reminder for myself I hope this list can help at least one other person as well :)

First of all: emotions are hard, and they are overwhelming, and shaming yourself will not make it better. Chances are it will make everything worse, actually. So don't you dare feel bad for needing help even with the "easy" stuff, or for not being able to endure as much as your peers, or even for half-assing stuff sometimes. It's fine. Like, for real. I promise it's okay. You don't need to always be at your best. You don't even need to be at your best most of the time.

What helps me personally is imagining that these struggles are affecting another person close to me. If my best friend were to call me because she needs help answering an E-Mail, or even to cancel last minute because she feels too overwhelmed to leave her house right now, I would never make her feel like crap because of it or talk about her behind her back or anything else your brain may be trying to convince you of. I know that she is at least as good a person as me (probably better tbh), so if I wouldn't do any of that, she certainly would never. In fact, believing these thoughts is actually a disservice to her, who did nothing to deserve these mean remarks (quite the opposite actually). Basically, try to twist and out-logic your own brain into being less of a cunt to you. Try guilt-tripping yourself into being kinder. The bad emotions are there anyways, might as well use them to your advantage. I can speak from experience that being anxious is a bit less unbearable if you aren't being a self-obsessed asshole on top of everything else

JUST FUCKING DO IT

If the source of your anxiety isn't a particular task you have been procrastinating on, or is something you can't just do whenever (f. ex. a job interview that's two days away), feel free to skip this part ^^

If you are still here: I know it can feel like actual hell to just do the thing. If you immediately want to click away after seeing this title I don't blame you. I mean, I am currently writing a huge ass post about anxiety instead of answering the two (2) E-Mails literally making my hands tremble. But the truth is, doing the thing is actually never as bad as it seems. Here's some stuff that maybe can help:

-> Remember that it's never been the end of the world before, so surely it won't start being it now. If you've already been through a similar situation: remember that it isn't the first time you've felt this way; remember that doing the thing wasn't as bad as you'd feared and, most importantly; remember how you felt after doing it. If this is the first time you feel like that, I'm sorry. I promise you aren't stupid for "overreacting", and I promise it will feel at least a little bit better if you just get it over with. And when you've managed the first time, you can now use that as an example instead of taking some stranger on the internet on his word. Worst comes to worst, you can still anon hate me (jk please don't)

-> Rewarding yourself. Remember that putting yourself down tends to make things worse. Allow yourself to be proud for your achievements, yes even the small ones that most people barely even think about. Because sometimes shit is just hard, but you still did it, and that's fucking awesome !!! For me personally just the knowledge that my anxiety will lessen (and I will probably get some good sleep - emotions are so fucking exhausting) is enough most of the time, but you can also give yourself a little treat afterwards. You've earned it!

-> Hide it in between chill tasks. Like right now, I'm writing this instead of my fucking E-Mail. I am a bit calmer since this is distracting myself from the daunting task of typing a few words. So I am now going to open my mails on another tab, type this shit, and send it. And I know that when I did that I will feel better about myself. And even if I fuck up somehow (how you ask? i don't fucking know), I will immediately have this task to come back to so I don't have the chance to overthink it. I FUCKING DID IT I AM THE CHAMPION OF THE WORLD

-> If you have a bunch of stuff you swore yourself you would do (a bunch can also mean like 2 btw) starting can seem even more daunting (even if it is, as aforementioned, "only" two). So I am very happy to present written lists my absolute beloved. In my experience, stuff is a lot less overwhelming if it isn't only living inside your head. You get a feeling of accomplishment when you can cross something off your list. You don't have to keep panicking about forgetting something (since everything is already written down on your list.) You can even break down bigger tasks into smaller more manegeable ones (f. ex. instead of "clean your room" -> "1. do your bed; 2. fold your clothes; 3. etc etc".) It's great because even if you don't manage the entire big task you still feel less like a failure since you've got proof of all the small accomplishments you did manage. Plus it's easier to continue on another day since you know exactly what you have to do and have proof of everything you already managed as a motivator.

-> Accept help. Be on the phone with a friend while doing the thing (if possible, of course). Ask your friends to be your hypeman before and after doing the thing. Get reassurance from other people. Go to your friend's house to ask them to read your E-Mails, summarize them verbally, and then type an appropriate answer for you (can you already tell me and electronic mail aren't in the best of terms?) Making things harder on yourself on purpose isn't being strong it's being stupid

-> already mentioned it a bunch of times, I know, but the thing that really helps for me is comparing with past experiences. I know I will feel better after I do it because that's always what happens when my brain blows things out of proportion. I know I can do this because I did even scarier stuff and it went well. Or even: if I manage to do this seemingly super scary thing, I will be able to use it as a motivator for smaller stuff in the future. I mean, what even is a fucking E-Mail in comparison to going to a social event on your own ??! (seriously, do it. in my experience it's surprisingly easy to find friends if you look pathetic enough, plus a lot of things seem a bit less paralyzing in comparison)

-> I turn it into a competition, or a game. If I do the thing I win. If I don't do the thing the anxiety wins. And I refuse to let that happen because I'm competitive AND a sore loser <3 so I do the thing. and then I feel a bit better

JUST DON'T THINK ABOUT IT. THINKING IS THE ANTITHESIS OF DOING. (which you can also use to your advantage, à la better to think about that unhealthy coping mechanism and why you shouldn't do it than to stop thinking about it and actually doing it instead. But that isn't the point right now)

DISTRACTIONS

Sometimes there just isn't anything you can do. Sometimes all you can do is wait. Sometimes you don't even know why the fuck you're feeling like that. And that fucking sucks.

I know there are some people who need an absence of stimuli in order to calm down. (If that's you, please leave some of your own pointers in the notes! I don't really have any ideas for that one tbh)

For me, the opposite is the case. I can't count the times my mom has told me to "try meditating!" or "don't do more than one thing at the same time it'll only stress you out even more!", unaware that giving my thoughts free reign would make everything so much worse.

I need to overwhelm myself in order to be able to forget about my anxiety for a while. Sometimes doing a task I've been dreading is easier after distracting myself for a few hours (being anxious is very tiring so if you let it run its course in the back of your mind for a while you'll have less energy for it later ^^). Here's some stuff that could help (though it should be noted that a) not everything will work on everyone and b) sometimes it just doesn't work. even if it worked the last five times. Don't ask me why it is what it is):

-> Do something (really anything) while listening to a video essay/podcast/audiobook. That's my go-to classic. Feel your mind slipping away from whatever you're doing? Force yourself to really listen to what is being said. Sometimes it helps to mouth the words along to my audio of choice (while still doing your thing at the same time!!) Speed it up (I've usually got my stuff at 1.75x or 2x). Assume that pretty much everything listed below can be done while having this as a second layer of distraction

-> Learn something new. I was literally just teaching myself the tabs for Every Breath You Take by The Police and 26 by Paramore on the guitar before starting this. I tried learning finnish and irish for a while there (learning vocabulary, trying to translate sth, learning grammar, etc.). Sometimes it can take a bit of time to get into it, but once you're there it's easy to lose yourself in it (in my experience at least.) And you can always start another video essay in the background!

-> Baking. I usually do half or fourth the recipe to a.) waste less ingredients; b.) have less stuff to eat so you can go bake more stuff sooner; and c.) feel less bad if it doesn't turn out how you hoped. Plus you can also make yourself more likeable by giving some to your neighbours ;)

-> Comfort book/series/movie/etc. I'll be honest, this one almost never works for me, but I know that for some people it does so on the list it goes

-> Take a walk. Touch some grass. Go outside. Personally have very mixed feelings towards this one. Used to do it all the time during lockdown (walking nowhere for literal hours while listening to music), but when it doesn't help it makes things much much worse (in my experience) So maybe be a bit careful? If you want to get away from your thoughts this is...bad. But otherwise (like if you just have the feeling of anxiety without a specific reason) it's worth a try

-> Do maths. I'm serious. For a while there I couldn't sleep, so I'd go on the net, search for equasion exercises, and just go wild. Don't look at the answer: this isn't the point. It's something with a fixed procedure and no consequences if you mess up (you won't even know if you mess up). Maybe instead of equations you find long division more relaxing. Just try not to think of school, put the pressure away, and give it a go.

-> Go to your comfort place. This is also a bit of a tricky one. First of all, not everyone has one of those. Or maybe you can't really go there (like, I always calm down when I'm at the beach. I adore the ocean. But I don't have sea anywhere near me, so sucks to be me i guess). But if you do have a place near you it's worth a try. Sometimes after a particular stressful therapy session i just...go chill at the library for a while. It helps :)

-> Blorbo scrolling. I personally prefer looking at a bunch of art and comics (visual stuff) since i don't really have the concentration to read when I'm anxious, but see what works best for you <3

-> Menial tasks. I love them. Sorting stuff that actually doesn't really matter (like taking all your books from your shelves and trying a new way to organize them). The already mentioned maths exercises. Washing the dishes/putting them back in their place (you can combine that one with the baking hehe). Volunteering work can also be pretty helpful: they often need help with menial tasks plus you can feel good about yourself for helping. Recently started helping at my local animal shelter and it's actually pretty great !

-> Sports. I personally hate sports and always feel worse afterwards, but so many people talk about it that it must be of help to someone out there. What I used to do when I got suddenly overrun by emotions is taking my skipping rope and jumping as fast as I physically could til I felt a bit better (and sweaty ew)

-> Sometimes I like starting a small project; depending on the mood either with no pressure to finish (or intention to show anyone ever because eww), or posting it in hope for praise that'll make me feel a bit better about myself heh. Just something else I can focus on. (ex. g. I've got a meeting I'm nervous about tomorrow so I started writing this huge-ass post) Just remember: IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE GOOD!! JUST CREATE! I PROMISE BEING CREATIVE AND/OR DOING STUFF IS AWESOME!! (or if nothing else at least frustrating enough to overshadow the anxiety lol)

-> In the wise words of mother mother: Dance and cry, and cry and dance and cry. (And sing. And scream. Or get out that skipping rope. Just let it out my dude.)

-> Watch a show in a foreign language faster (like 2x speed) and with subtitles (less time to read, more required focus, less brain power to panic)

-> immersive reading (audio + text); especially effective if you do it in a language you are currently learning or one that is similar (but not the same!) to your native tongue (f. ex. portuguese and spanish)

-> Try sleeping. Doesn't always work, but at least it wastes time.

I THINK I'M ABOUT TO HAVE A PANIC/ANXIETY ATTACK

-> Strong sudden stimulant. Like smelling a very strong perfume or taking a freezing shower.

-> Just. Let it wash over you. It sucks, yes, but it'll be over. Try keeping calm. I know, easy to say when you yourself aren't currently going through it, but anxiety about a future attack will not, in fact, make things less worse. Once again, remembering past attacks can help as well? It didn't kill you then, it won't kill you now. (My therapist suggested using a mental image, like huge waves or something. I personally don't do that but maybe it'll help)

-> Cover your ears and listen to your heart. Key point: this is NOT aiming to drown out noise, but to ground yourself by listening to your own body (bloodstream and creaking bones etc) (ty anon <3)

-> I'm not sure whether this'll work with panic attacks as well (according to google one of the key differences is that these don't really have a trigger and just....happen) and it probably won't be viable in every situation. But just. Be enough of a spiteful little shit to turn your breakdown into a powermove. (The distressing emotions are there anyways might as well make use of them). You told your teacher you get extreme anxiety when you have to speak in public and they ignored you because the school system actually hates kids? Look them right in the eyes as you start hysterically sobbing so they feel really bad, maybe be extra subdued the next few lessons. As far as you know it'll get you a few pity points that'll make a difference in your overall grade! (Pretty sure I got a better grade in my arts finals than i deserved) Someone knowingly breaks a boundary you set because "oh you've been doing so well" and "it's an irrational fear so it isn't real anyways" or whatever they tell themselves to justify it? This is your chance to make them really see how what they did is wrong (and hopefully will make them think twice before pulling shit like that again). If you warned them, they are literally asking for it. And it'll seem that much more impressive when you are having a good day for once and manage to get through it without one (you've earned that extra credit). Maybe I'm just a bit of a vindictive person, but reframing the narrative like that in my head gives me some semblance of control, which makes it all a bit less scary.

IT DIDN'T FIT ANYWHERE ELSE BUT IS STILL IMPORTAT

This is mostly me reminding myself that it's fine tbh. Because it is.

-> Remember that you can just do shit. I don't know how else to say this, but sometimes my anxiety makes it feel like hiding away in my room is my only option. But that's not true! There is so much stuff you can do, I'm always in awe for a while when I get this through my thick skull once again. Like, you can just go to places. You can just write to your friends. You can just start a chat with that cool mutual you're too nervous to directly interact with. You can move. You can change jobs. You can redecorate your house. You can get into a random train and only get out at the last station, wherever that may be. YOU CAN JUST DO SHIT?!?!?! ISN'T THAT FUCKING AWESOME?!!!!!!!!

-> Extreme emotions can have unpleasant physical side effects. Sweating. Body odor. No appetite and/or extreme hunger cravings (sometimes at the same time??). Diarrhea. It sucks (especially when it continues on for multiple days and your oh so kind peers make sure to constantly remind you of those physical symptoms you are already overly aware of). But it's normal and it's fine. It doesn't make you gross, I promise.

-> THIS TOO SHALL PASS (that's it. Sometimes it's good to remind yourself. This too shall pass.)

-> Sometimes I just do small harmless shit to prove my anxious lizard brain wrong. Randomly say hi on that group chat you haven't entered for months. Create something you aren't really happy with and post it anyways, just cuz you can. Go do something on your own. The more you prove your fears wrong with little things like that, the easier it gets (especially if you have to do bigger scary stuff). Spite can be your best friend. (Plus easy way to gain more points in my mental competition hehehe)

-> Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you will fuck up. You will barely be able to say a word in the social event you forced yourself to go in order to meet cool people. You will be so obviously anxious at your friend's birthday that she will still remember that over a year later (despite your best efforts to hide it at the time). You will get an anxiety attack because of something you thought you had already gotten over months ago. And it sucks, but more importantly, it's fine. This too shall pass. This is another reason why the previous point is so important: it's harder to hold these incidents over your head if you have so many other experiences where you managed to prove yourself.

-> YOU get to decide when you want to try confronting a fear. Nobody else can do that for you, no matter how often they mention "exposure therapy" and shit (it's about the control once again. in my experience it's important for it to be your choice). Occasionally hiding away doesn't make you a failure. There are always more chances, it's never too late to start. Already mentioned it a bazillion times, but this shit is exhausting and you are well within your right to stay in your comfort zone and rest.

-> I don't know if it's just a me thing but self reminder to avoid lactose and gluten when overly anxious. (i never do but i am aware of it that should count for something)

-> gender-affirming stuff can help ^^

-> Not viable to everybody, but sometimes I just delete all social media from my phone. You can still go there through browser of course (that's where I'm actually currently writing this) but just not having the icon on the phone can already feel somewhat of a relief (social media in this case also including messaging apps like discord or WhatsApp or fucking electronic mail my beloathed). That's actually what I am planning to do immediately after posting this thing that came out a bit more personal and stream-of-conscousness than initially planned. You won't even be able to tell cuz I never tag my queues hehehe

-> mentally dunking my stupid anxious lizard brain into salt water rn. Fuck you. I'm posting this. I'm leaving my house tomorrow instead of calling in sick. I'm winning.

#i apologize if there are spelling errors or sentences that dont make sense (my focus is a bit shit rn lol)#once again hope this can help someone? plus always open to more suggestions etc etc #it feels a bit hypocritical to be posting this rn tbh since i am not dealing with my anxiety that well atm tbh #but then i look back to how it was like two years ago and actually i *did* improve even if only a bit so like fuck you too lizard brain #i hope you get to look out of your window and realize that you too have come far <3 #i love being a lil cheeseball hehehehe #anxiety #actually anxious #actually anxiety #uhm idk how else to tag this i guess ill rely on rbgs lol

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