#the backstory for this fic is that i wrote it in two hours while waiting for a flight
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“Our Love Was Written in the Stars”
Kaeya Alberich x Female Reader
word count: 18,700+
(After losing touch with your childhood best friend and first love, you find yourself face to face with Kaeya four years later while back in Mondstadt for a university research project. While part of you had hoped to see him, you also hadn’t expected it to be so soon. But the more you two begin to reconnect, the more you realize he missed you just as much as you missed him. So, with a lot of lost time to make up for, you and Kaeya explore the relationship you were probably always meant to have.)
disclaimer/content warning: 18+ content! minors dni! Mostly fluff and then smut at the end, some spoilers for Kaeya and Diluc’s backstory (though I’m sure I didn’t get the exact timeline right), childhood friends to lovers, drinking/alcohol, some hurt/comfort with a little bit of angst, slow burn.
*thank you to the anon who requested this fic, i hope you enjoy!*
*ao3 mirror*
***
Things always seemed so much simpler, looking back. Things used to last longer.
A day spent playing with your friends would feel like forever. At least, until the time came to go home. Then it felt like the fun had barely even begun.
And the four weeks out of every year— two in the fall and two in the spring— that your father left you under the care of the Ragnvindr household’s staff while he and Crepus were off on a mutual business trip in one of the other nations…
Those weeks had lasted eons.
That was, of course, until both of the wine tycoons returned and you were once again whisked away back to your own family estate.
However, even as you became more aware of just how short that sliver of time was the older you grew, you never stopped looking forward to spending those weeks with Master Ragnvindr’s sons, Kaeya and Diluc, who were just about the same age as you.
You used to kick and cry and scream when your father told you to thank Crepus and his boys for letting you stay with them before you headed home. Then, after a very stern talking to about how, if that kind of behavior was to result every time your father returned to retrieve you, you wouldn’t be allowed to stay with your friends anymore, you turned to crying yourself to sleep on the last night in the Ragnvindr mansion and the first night back in yours.
By the time you were a teenager, the pain of leaving your closest friends had been reduced to a dull ache in your heart. You knew you’d see them again. By then, you didn’t even have to wait for your fathers’ business trips, because for your thirteenth birthday you’d been given a horse, your father allowing you to ride there any day you pleased— so long as all your lessons where completed with your private tutor— insisting one of the boys accompanied you home before dark.
It was always Kaeya who brought you back, so eager at the first chance he’d practically volunteered himself before you’d finished the explanation of your father’s conditions. And you’d been grateful for the extra time with him, sometimes racing each other through the winding woods that lay in between your home and his as your laughter and playful taunts echoed through the trees.
It had always been Kaeya, in so many ways.
It had always been Kaeya who was so excited to play with you when your father dropped you off, even if just for a few hours while he and Crepus disappeared off to one of the private meeting rooms to discuss more business.
It had always been Kaeya who let you choose the games, who would be enthusiastic whether you were playing war or house or hide and seek.
It had always been Kaeya who held your hand when you got sad, squeezed it a little as he told you not to cry, that you’d see each other again soon.
It had always been Kaeya who wrote to you during the winter months when you’d become snowed in, neither of you able to travel the miles it took to see each other let alone get much further than the front door.
And it wasn’t that Diluc was forgotten. But he’d never been as willing to play along.
For a little while, the three of you had been an even trio, the boys happy to have a new playmate and you, well, you had no siblings of your own back home. You were just happy not to be alone. But as time went on, the scales shifted.
No matter what you wanted to do, Kaeya was always on board. Diluc would argue, say he’d rather sneak out to the back woods that lined the edge of the property and play manhunt or adventurer than sit around wasting time doing stupid arts and crafts projects or dressing up in ridiculous outfits in order to make each other laugh.
You’d start to get upset as the two brothers would fight, Kaeya calling Diluc selfish while Diluc insisted Kaeya was just a pushover.
“It’s all because you like her!” the young Ragnvindr would spit, clearly trying to rile Kaeya. “That’s why you’re always doing whatever she wants, even if it’s stupid and boring!” That was about the time Kaeya would lunge at his brother, the two of them tackling each other to the ground and throwing flailing punches while you yelled at them not to fight, your eyes welling with tears.
In the end, Diluc would storm off and go do whatever he did when he was alone, maybe just sulk in his room for all you knew, but Kaeya would never chase after him. He’d come back to you, assure you that his brother was the boring one for always wanting to play the same games, and then hold your hand and help wipe your tears, giving you a smile as he told you he’d sneak into his father’s study to steal some of the new paints that had recently arrived, maybe snag an old canvas or two he didn’t think the master of the house would notice missing.
You’d smile and hug him, even join him in getting into trouble sometimes, and then it was like all your worries faded away. Because there was something about Kaeya, about being around him, that always helped untangle any knots that had formed in your heart.
But your most favorite thing to do with Kaeya— not that you didn’t love the games and the giggles and the mischief you shared— was to sneak out his window on the second floor and climb up onto the roof with him where you’d both lay side by side, hand in hand, and look up at the stars.
You’d get scared sleeping alone and inevitably pitter-patter your way to his room, giving a gentle tap on his door before cracking it open with a broken whisper of his name on your lips. He’d sit upright in bed, flipping the layers of blankets back and padding his little feet across the floor to come meet you, reminding you there was nothing to be afraid of.
He’d told you that the dark was not an enemy, that it could be beautiful and inviting and that he’d show you how.
The star gazing in itself eventually became a game, as most mundane between you two often did, and you’d gradually begin to cheer up as you and him took turns creating shapes in the stars and trying to guess the constellations that floated above your heads.
Kaeya’s favorite was the peacock— one he’d made up and had quite the time trying to get you to form the shape of as he directed your eyes to all the little twinkling dots of light in the correct order— and once you saw it you hummed to yourself. It suited him, and when you told him this around the third time he pointed it out he’d just rolled his eyes and smirked, coyly suggesting you were jealous he’d found such a cool grouping of stars.
But what you didn’t know was that, as much as the peacock reminded you of your friend, the grandiose bird also began to remind Kaeya of you, too.
The peacock soon made its way into his letters, a carefully drawn eyespot feather in indigo ink signed at the bottom of every message. It made you smile to yourself, your heart full and lonely at the same time.
It was Kaeya’s way of saying “I love you. I want you to never forget that, just like I never forgot the night I showed you the peacock in the sky.” But if you were aware of the symbol’s significance, you didn’t seem to return the favor when you sent a reply.
How could you, when you’d convinced yourself he would never think of you that way? When he’d treat you like a little sister one day only to perform something common of courtship the next?
Kaeya was reluctantly sentimental. Perhaps that was a side effect of being abandoned by his birth father at such a young age, a bitter lesson to never get too attached to anything or anyone in fear of losing them. But he couldn’t help how attached he’d become to you.
In some ways, you two had felt more like siblings than he and Diluc did, for a while.
You used to wish Kaeya was your real brother. That way you two would forever be bonded, no matter how great the distance or time between you. But as you entered into your teenage years, your heart and your mind changing along with your body, something about that notion began to shift and evolve as well.
By the time you were sixteen, Kaeya’s playful flirtations and cheeky winks felt like they held more weight than before. Because your immediate reaction wasn’t to roll your eyes or slap his arm like it had been in previous years. Now, those gestures made your ears run hot and your hummingbird heart bat its wings a little faster. But you could never quite tell if he was joking or not, perhaps just being mischievously mean to get a reaction out of you which, as he’d learned pretty early on, wasn’t that hard to do.
But sometimes, when you replayed his words or actions in your head when you were alone— the way his voice dipped lower, tone smooth and tempting as his eyes scanned your body, his fingers brushing against yours during dinner time or as he handed you a book from a high shelf you couldn’t reach— you asked yourself why you weren’t willing to play this game with him, if that’s all it really was.
Deep down you knew it must be. Because, if you did decide to join in, it might cease to be a game altogether. At least, for you it would. And then what if you found out he’d been joking all along? It would break your heart. It would ruin everything. It was a risk you weren’t willing to take.
So you held your tongue and clenched your jaw when your best friend, adopted brother, star-crossed lover in a different life— whatever Kaeya was to you— gave you those winks when no one else was watching. When he came up behind you and stood just a little too close, said something about how, pretty soon, he’d be a whole head taller than you…
And on slow, quiet days as rain poured from the sky and dark clouds flooded the valley and you both found yourselves huddled on the chaise by the fireplace when you read your book aloud and Kaeya listened like he only cared about the sound of your voice and not the story, as he combed his lithe fingers gently through your hair, smoothing out the tangles while you entertained him— and sometimes even Diluc, if he had nothing better to do— with tales of dragons and knights, talking animals and princesses who wielded silver swords…
You told yourself all of it— every word and glance and ghosting touch— meant absolutely nothing.
It was all for the sake of ensuring Kaeya stayed in your life, just as he’d always been, after all.
How ironic your feeble attempt at control became because of one fateful, unforgivable night.
†††
You’d heard the news from Diluc, of all people— the news that Crepus Ragnvindr was dead and Kaeya Alberich was nowhere to be found.
Though, Kaeya had been found eventually, slumped over in a bar tucked away in some alley, drinking himself stupid as he gazed deep into the miniature snowstorm that swirled within the cryo vision clutched in his palm. But even as his speech slurred and his movements lagged and staggered, he refused to come back home.
Eventually, those who’d been sent to fetch their deceased master’s adopted son gave up. They left the tavern and headed back to report their findings to Diluc, who continued to turn a cold shoulder and act as if he wasn’t worried or bothered about his brother’s well-being in the slightest.
So when he’d told you, his tone stiff and cruel and spiteful, you’d found yourself crying before your brain even had time to process what had just been said.
“Where is he now?” you’d asked, your voice cracking as you tried to clear the heartbreak away.
“If he’s not still drowning his sorrows, well…” Diluc sneered, already turning his back on you and heading into the house that you’d known as well as your own— the house you now might never see the inside of ever again— all that remained being the shadows of your memories left flickering on the walls by the candlelight or echoing eerily down the long hallways late at night. “Then I have no idea where he is.”
However, his long red hair, usually kept so orderly but rather disheveled at the moment, and the dark circles under his crimson eyes told a different story as to how Diluc was dealing with his missing brother.
Your mouth opened to ask what the bar was called, at least, but all that was able to leave your mouth before the door slammed in your face was a broken squeak. From there, you rode into the city, spent nearly the entire night hopping from one bar to the next only in hopes of catching a glimpse of all that navy hair or hearing a burst of that confident laughter.
By the time morning came and your search had yielded nothing other than a widening in the hollow carved out in your chest and the dizziness of the sleepless night, you had no choice but to call it quits. You wrote to Kaeya the moment you returned home, the letter not even making it into the envelope before you finally collapsed into bed. It was a simple message, but direct enough.
Kaeya, it read in your curling scrawl, though this time a little messier on account of the exhaustion. Please, tell me what happened? Where have you gone? I need to see you.
About a week later, when his reply came, your heart nearly lept out of your throat, your eager, shaking hands tearing the gold envelope with your name printed perfectly across it to shreds, letting the scraps of paper fall to the floor around your feet.
Your eyes watered upon seeing his handwriting again. You could hear his voice as you quickly scanned the page, a narration that had once been so enthusiastic and charming now turned regretful and hesitant.
But Kaeya did tell you what happened, both about Crepus Ragnvindr and the arrival of his Vision. When you reached the end of the explanation, however, you began to panic. Because you were sure there had to be more than that. He would’ve told you where he’d gone, wouldn’t he? He would’ve said he was coming to you, that he’d be arriving by the following afternoon.
But there were no words left, only the frayed edge of the parchment’s end.
There wasn’t even the signing of his name, always so beautiful and poetic in his elegant, looping cursive.
There was only a shaky drawing of a peacock feather, the ink smudged at the edge of the eyespot like Kaeya hadn’t been patient enough to let it dry before sending it.
†††
It had been nearly four years since you left the nation of Mondstadt.
Four years since you applied for and got accepted into one of the top universities in Liyue, moving to the nation of contracts and Mora and ore, now only returning to your home territory for a prestigious research project you still couldn’t believe you got approved onto the small team of.
Four years since hearing from the boy you’d grown up with, loved, and then lost.
You stood before the city’s high walls and felt that familiar breeze weaving through your hair, the warm summer air being drawn shakily into your lungs as you took one, long inhale, then exhaled the remnants of your past back out to be carried across the rolling hills on the wind. You forced yourself to step past the Knights guarding the front entrance, hoping to hide your reservations at being back in your homeland while your two eager and excited classmates pointed out unfamiliar and interesting things to each other a little ways ahead of you.
They were Liyue born and raised and had taken you under their wing when you’d been the stranger in a new city, all wide-eyed and anxiously hopeful. You wished you could return the favor in being their personal tour guide, but it’s just that the ache you thought you’d left behind after departing from the city of Freedom is back and it hurts, pulsing between your ribs and making it a little harder to breathe through the season’s humidity.
But it’s the beginning of June, the sky a clear and nearly cloudless blue. The birds are chirping from the eaves of the houses and the cobblestone is sure and strong under your feet, familiar smells drifting out from the Good Hunter restaurant beckoning you in for some of your childhood favorites. Perhaps that would make you feel better.
But, then again, it’s also possible that it could make you feel much, much worse.
“You never told us how lively it was!” one of your classmates, Haoyu, calls back to you. You give him a weak smile and continue with your steady pace.
“Yeah, or how many cute boys live in Mondstadt,” your other friend, Fenhua, slyly remarks as she eyes a trio of Knights strolling by.
“I can’t believe we get to spend the whole summer here,” Haoyu goes on, turning in circles as he gazes up at all the architecture that touches the sky. Then he gives you a mischievous look as he teasingly asks, “First night out is on you, right?”
You scoff as your lips pull up into a crooked smirk. “Yeah, you wish,” you reply.
Fenhua gives Haoyu a nudge and reminds him jokingly, “So much for all that talk about your family owning one of the ports. What, were you overcompensating for secretly being bankrupt or something?”
The two of them bicker and banter back and forth until Fenhua is laughing, but the details of their conversation fade into the busy sounds of the city as your memories fill in the gaps.
You still remember how it used to feel running these streets beside Kaeya and Diluc. It was rare that your fathers let you come here, always so strict about keeping their heirs protected and secure behind the iron wrought gates of their looming estates. But, every once in a while, you were able to convince one of the caretakers who had been put in charge of watching you three for the day to let you accompany her into the city.
You’d all pressed your noses to the shop windows, gazing inside and picking out the object you liked best. Kaeya always had the most expensive taste. You and Diluc used to tease him for it, always guessing which one he’d choose based on what seemed to cost the most Mora.
“Don’t be mad that I can spot luxury just by looking at it,” Kaeya used to defend with his nose up in the air, arms crossed over his chest. “It’s not my fault I enjoy nice things.”
Diluc would tease his brother for it, say he ought to be more humble once in a while, but you’d usually just end up agreeing with Kaeya. The ring or scarf or shoes he’d pointed out as his favorite was usually to your liking too, though you’d never considered yourself confident or flashy enough to pull them off. Kaeya valued beauty over practicality while Diluc liked something simple that could serve its purpose.
You supposed you were somewhere in the middle.
And, maybe, as you were now leisurely pacing the streets, you’d been hoping to catch a glimpse of that flowing, navy hair out of the corner of your eye, hear that devilish chuckle echoing down the alleys. For all you knew, Kaeya didn’t even live anywhere near Mondstadt anymore. Perhaps that would make it easier for you to stay the season here, if only you had a way to confirm it.
But then, something made you stop in your tracks. As two more Knights passed by you and your curious classmates, you glanced over your shoulder, eager to catch what you could of their conversation…
“…Cavalry Captain is always trying to get others to do his work for him,” one grumbled. “I swear, he really thinks he gets a pass just because of his looks.”
“Aww, don’t be jealous,” the other Knight teased his colleague. “Besides, you can’t tell me that if you weren’t as attractive as Kaeya you wouldn’t use it to your advantage too.”
You felt like your blood had turned to ice, veins frosted over from your head to your toes, numbing your fingertips as you just stood in the middle of the street, your friends traveling a little ways ahead of you until they turned and realized you’d lagged behind.
“Hey!” Haoyu called, tugging you back to reality. But it isn’t until you felt a hand lightly resting on your arm that you broke from your wide eyed, seemingly terrified trance and saw they’d both returned to your side. “What’s up? Everything ok?” he asked, looking a little concerned while Fenhua looked dangerously intrigued.
“Oh, yeah…” you nervously giggled, turning to face them and urging them to follow as you slowly made your way further down the street. “I thought I forgot something important back in Liyue but I remembered I have it now. I’m good.”
The rest of the day was spent trying to act like you hadn’t heard the name you’d been trying so hard to let go of.
But now you know.
Kaeya Alberich was not only still in Mondstadt, but the Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius.
Maybe it’s a different Kaeya, you spent the remainder of the week trying to convince yourself.
But you know it’s not a different Kaeya.
Kaeya is a rarity.
A one of a kind.
You’ve never met another him and you probably never will.
So the question then becomes, over the years, had he met another you?
†††
The research project keeps you busy and focused…
Until it doesn’t.
June has come and gone and now the saplings of late spring have turned to the blossoms of early July, decorating the trees with pale lilacs and pinks, the air a little thicker, the sun burning a little hotter as it beams down on you, beading sweat on your brow as you and your classmates work day after day to study, log, and produce results for what could potentially be a very big door into all your futures.
You’re up late one night, jotting down a few more notes and trying not to smudge the ink as you struggle to read Haoyu’s jagged scrawl and compare techniques. You keep trying to stay centered and present, replaying the day’s work in your mind to accurately contribute to the project, but every time you go to put pen to paper, his face pops into your head and makes the sharp nib hover over the parchment, the unwritten words captured in the ink desperate to be recorded but denied again and again.
You’ve wondered whether you should reach out to Kaeya or not.
Did he know you were back? If he did, would he even care? Were you overthinking all of this?
Well, at least you knew the answer to the last of those questions, which was absolutely.
But how could you not? You could only assume, with the way things had ended, or rather, faded away, that he had no interest in contacting you. He’d had these past four years to do so and you hadn’t seen a single peacock feather in all that time.
Maybe he hated you.
But why would he? You’d done nothing wrong.
But what if he did? What if he hated you?
You let the pen fall from your hands, tiny blotches of ink that had been knocked loose freckling the page of your notes, and let out an exasperated sigh as you leaned back in your chair, slumping and turning your face up to the ceiling, eyes squeezed shut as you tried to rid his image from your mind.
You wanted to cry. You wanted to go to him. You wished you’d never come back to this city. You’ve been dying to see him. You were so mad at him for torturing you like this. You just wanted to see him smile at you again like he did back when everything was alright. You wanted to hit him. You wanted to kiss him. You wanted a drink, a distraction, anything to still your mind for a little while.
So when Fenhua came scampering into the room a little while later with the proposal that the three of you get out for a bit and have some fun because all this damn research was starting to make all of you slowly go insane, you were grateful for the invitation.
As you approached the Angel’s Share, hanging in the back of your trio, always the quiet, observant one of your pack, you felt a familiar feeling. It wasn’t quite dread, but it wasn’t quite excitement either.
It was more like anticipation.
Something was going to happen tonight, here, at this place.
You just didn’t know whether you wanted to be brave enough to step through the tavern doors and figure out what it was.
But it seemed you didn’t have much of a choice as Fenhua and Haoyu looped their arms through each of yours, guiding you inside with them, clearly sensing you needed the support.
The moment the door swung open, the jumbled noise of constant, lively chatter along with the clinking of glasses and boisterous shouts flooded the air around you, drawing you in. And soon, to your relief, you found that maybe anticipation didn’t always warn of something bad, but instead hinted that something good was on its way. Because, as you took a seat between your two friends at the bar, you found yourself smiling and laughing without even having to fake it anymore.
You made a toast to all your hard work so far, and to all the work that was still to come, may the Archons bless it to go smoothly. About an hour in, you felt lighter, warmer, and, with the help of some of that liquid courage flowing through your veins, a little more confident.
“Hey, I’ll be right back!” you shouted to Fenhua who, despite being right next to you, still might not’ve even heard you over the ever growing rowdiness, each passing hour bringing with it more lively patrons.
You turned and slid off the barstool, heading for the tiny bathroom where the line had finally shortened, leaning against the nook in the wall while waiting for the current occupant to exit and gazing out at the mass of moving people in a daze when you finally caught it— a glimpse of all that navy hair, the charming chuckle of a man blessed with good fortune and even better looks cutting through the noise of the packed crowd.
You and Kaeya locked eyes from across the room and then neither of you were smiling anymore. But Kaeya never let any surprise he felt show for too long, remedying his sudden shock with a small smirk while your heart continued to pound. You hadn’t even realized you’d been holding your breath until the tightness in your lungs turned into a dull ache, reminding you to exhale the air you’d been halfway to sucking down before the sight of him suffocated you.
The bathroom door opened behind you, the exiting occupant nudging your shoulder slightly and giving a startled apology. You turned your head to face her for but a second, jostled by the unexpected contact, and uttered a quiet, “It’s fine,” as she squeezed past you in the short, narrow hallway and back into all the hubbub of the bar.
When you turned back to train your eyes where Kaeya had just been, he was gone, as elusive as a ghost as he carefully slinked through the maze of people and disappeared.
You stepped into the bathroom and locked the door behind you, just standing there for what felt like forever until you were finally able to calm down enough to think.
Maybe it had been your imagination. Between all the late nights and stress and the alcohol, your brain could just be manifesting things to trick you.
You blinked hard, trying to rid the view of him from your thoughts.
He looked the same, but also different. You could’ve sworn he’d had something over one of his eyes. The Kaeya you remembered had periwinkle eyes— two of them— and had still looked a bit like a boy the last time you’d seen him. The person you’d just glimpsed was a man, his stature tall and lean and lithe, shoulders broad and arms strong.
Four years is a long time, a little voice in your head reminded you. You’ve changed a lot too.
Once you crept out from the bathroom, seeing the line having once again grown to stretch down the perimeter of the wall, you began to take a step back towards the direction of your friends but stopped mid-stride.
You couldn’t go back to them. Not like this, when you felt like you didn’t know up from down or left from right or fear from longing.
So, instead, you turned and headed towards the staircase, finding the second floor significantly less claustrophobic, and made your way to the balcony, which you were relieved to find empty.
You leaned against the railing, iron digging into your elbows as the steady breeze sent strands of your hair into your eyes. You hung your head, slumping further over the balcony, and let out a long, deep sigh.
It all seemed like a mistake— Kaeya and Diluc’s fight, Kaeya’s final letter to you, you going off to Liyue, Kaeya not reaching out, you not reaching out, you coming back to the one place you knew you’d secretly been avoiding, thinking about him nonstop, coming to this bar, seeing him here, running away— every last decision or event that had occurred in the last four years suddenly running through your head like a sped up film reel, the images making you dizzy, little bursts of stars spotting your vision when you tipped your head back up to the sky.
You felt the threat of oncoming tears as the memories kept flooding through you— the smiling, laughing face of an eight-year-old Kaeya, you trying to stifle your own giggles while Diluc looked more than displeased— the sparkling, periwinkle eyes of a twelve-year-old Kaeya as he lay next to you on the roof, pointing out shapes in the stars, finding his beloved peacock constellation and giving a smirk of satisfaction when you told him it suited him— the smooth, charming words of a fifteen-year-old Kaeya who leaned up against the wall as he looked at you, teasing that he was getting taller than you by the day, holding something just out of your reach as you jumped to try and grab it, scolding him to knock it off but laughing nonetheless— and, finally, an eighteen-year-old Kaeya, riding next to you through the woods, both of you urging your horses to gallop faster and faster as you raced between the trees, your shouts and taunts and laughter echoing across the land until he inevitably beat you and you broke out into the valley on the other side, already having rehearsed some excuse about how you would’ve won if only he hadn’t cheated or caught you off guard.
That might’ve been the last good memory you had of him— that afternoon with your horses, just passing time until the storm rolling overhead caught up with you— the last good memory you had before you were forced to imagine him distraught, just having lost his father for the second time. You envisioned him spilling over with fury as he and Diluc threw fists or crossed blades. You’d heard that’s when he’d gained his Vision, a sudden blast of cryo shooting an icy frost across the battlefield between him and his brother.
You could imagine the look and both their faces— Diluc shocked, maybe even a little fearful, eyes pleading not to let this go any further, while Kaeya was stunned, only to launch right back into battle as his ego breathed in the sweet drug of his newfound power, his talents recognized by the gods.
And when Diluc had told you the news, told you about Crepus’s death and Kaeya’s gift from the Archons and, with slamming that door in your face, greatly inferring that no more good memories would be born under the roof of the Ragnvindr home, that had been the last that you’d seen of him, too.
It was sort of funny.
With them, there had once been so many beautiful beginnings.
But now, all you could seem to grasp onto was the heartbreaking endings.
You felt your body tense as the balcony doors swung open and then closed, the quiet swoosh and click bringing a wave of annoyance over you.
Was there nowhere you were allowed to be alone in this place? You ought to turn and give whoever had just walked out a glare sharp enough to send them staggering back a few steps, maybe reconsider where they sought out their own sliver of peace and quiet. But before you could so much as glance over your shoulder, the voice interrupted your agitation like a light cutting through the dark.
“Hey…” It was the first rays of dawn splitting through the velvety night on the horizon, chasing the stars away until the moon returned to reclaim the sky. “I thought that was you.”
Your heart was quicker to accept the truth than your brain was, your bones drawn instinctually towards that smooth, sly tone like a moth to a flame. You didn’t want to go, knew if you got too close your delicate wings would catch fire and you’d be reduced to death and ash, but alas, you drifted towards the light, blinded by your yearning to touch it, addicted.
“It’s been a while,” Kaeya greeted you with that charming smile, giving a hesitant wave. “How’ve ya been?”
You could only gawk at him for a while, eyes scanning his entire being as if speaking to the figure before you was some kind of trap, some kind of test, like if you didn’t make sure he was the real thing and lent your voice to his ears you’d be cast into the abyss forever.
And while he felt the same, what you’d thought before had been right. The Kaeya currently standing before you did indeed look different than you remembered.
His skin was still that same warm, honey brown shade, his hair still sleek and navy though worn much longer than you’d ever seen it before, a lock of it cascading over his shoulder and down to his waist. He was taller than you remembered, too, though you supposed he could’ve grown a bit between the age of eighteen and now. His face had lost the last of its boyish softness and in its place was the handsome, chiseled features of a confident young man. And those eyes— those sparkling periwinkle eyes you could’ve gotten lost in if he’d let you stare long enough— were no longer a set of two, but a single one, his right covered with a black eyepatch while the left seemed to gaze upon you apologetically, despite the unbothered, casual stature of his nonchalant stance leaning against the doors with his arms crossed over his chest, one ankle resting over the other.
Your mouth hung open with a million different words to say, the combinations of them endless, but all you could taste was the frantic beating of your heart in your throat, any of the excited reliefs or bitter resentments stirring together in your brain becoming indistinguishable.
Your face suddenly felt too warm, the summer’s refreshing evening atmosphere turning to a stifling humidity as your nerves made it harder to breathe. Your dizziness only increased as Kaeya’s ghost drifted closer, the revenant of your love striding slowly towards you while he continued to speak.
“How long have you been back in the city?” you thought you heard him say, but couldn’t be too sure as your ears were ringing, blood rushing at an alarming rate to your head, vision swaying as you gripped the iron railing of the balcony in a white-knuckled fist behind you. “I would’ve been at the gates to greet you, had I known. I mean, not that you wanted to see me, I just—”
“I’ve been studying in Liyue,” you cut in, only a slight tremble in your voice as you wore a look closer to anger than disbelief now. You cleared your throat, took a steadying breath, then continued, “I’m only back for the summer— for a research project— then I’ll be going back…”
A hint of sadness crossed Kaeya’s face, there and then gone like a cloud of breath fogging in the winter air, and then he grinned at you again, congratulating you on making it into such a prestigious school. “We always knew you were smart,” he remarked, clinking the nearly empty bottle in his hand with a half full one that had been left on the balcony railing, assuming it was yours, cheersing with a stranger’s abandoned drink. He leaned against the railing, his shoulder only inches from yours yet feeling like a world away. He winked and jokingly said, “By the way, next time you see Morax, tell him I said hello.”
Kaeya tipped the final swig of his drink back to his lips, downing the contents and only wincing a little as he swallowed, letting out a quiet exhale as he turned his attention back out to the city he’d continued to make a home out of— the very place you’d been desperate to escape yet now found yourself a willing prisoner in once more.
And the silence that fell over you both then was suffocating. You wanted to say something— anything— so that the final words shared between you two weren’t, “Next time you see Morax, tell him I said hello.”
This could truly be the last chance you got to interact with him. You wanted to take control while you still had a drop of it in your hands, so you dug up some rare bits of courage, cleared the last of the dread from your throat, and asked him, “Why didn’t you try to find me?”
When you and Kaeya met eyes again, both your stares were wide. To be fair, that hadn’t really been what you’d meant to ask. You’d intended to start out with something much less heavy and accusatory like, “So, what have you been up to?” or “I’ve heard you’ve risen up the ranks. What would the Knights of Favonius think if they knew what a little terror their Cavalry Captain had been growing up?”
Anything that brought the rose before the thorn, feeding him soothing honey before you offered up the bitter pill.
But it was too late. The words that had just left your mouth couldn’t be taken back, and the way Kaeya looked at you now made your next breath catch. Because you’d just ruined everything, hadn’t you? You’d been given one last chance and you’d wasted it. And it was all your fault, all your fault, all your fault.
Kaeya let out a small, sad puff of a laugh under his breath, his smirk struggling to stay steady on his lips, and the fear that he’d morph to hate you only grew in your chest, a hungry monster clawing to break free from your ribs, tear through your body, and devour its host mercilessly.
“I suppose I could ask you the same thing,” he responded with a half shrug, swishing his bangs away from his face, exposing more of the eyepatch he used to cover the evidence of some injury hidden underneath.
You felt a stab in your chest when you considered that he could’ve gotten it after his fight with Diluc, the image of the boys who’d basically been your brothers purposely hurting each other beyond repair breaking your heart.
Kaeya sighed then, flashing a sliver of a sly smirk before the expression turned back to being apologetic, concluding his prior statement with, “Though, I think I have a pretty good idea…”
You still couldn’t quite believe that he was standing before you, standing this close, so much the same yet so much so different all at once. You just wanted to look at him, stare at him until the deep emptiness you’d felt for the past four years filled up with the memories of what could’ve been and overflowed.
“You have a right to be mad at me, y’know…” Kaeya continued, hanging his head a bit and unable to look at you as his mouth curved up into a crooked, nervous smile. “If I were you, I’d be mad at me…”
You remembered the time you two were sixteen and had snuck out to the city at night. It was the first time you’d gone unsupervised and the light that glowed from the tavern windows was like a beacon to your first taste of true teenage freedom.
It had been Kaeya’s idea to check out the bar, of course, and even as you protested and told him you’d never get away with it, that he was too recognizable and you looked too young, you had a giddy grin spread across your face, lacing your arm to interlock with his as the two of you approached the humble little establishment.
“The place is packed,” Kaeya had tried to convince you as you both surveyed the crowd inside through the latticed windows. “We’ll just duck in, check it out, maybe find someone willing to buy us a drink, and then be home before anyone even knows we’re gone.”
Right before he’d reached out to open the door for you, you giggled and playfully pulled him back. When he gave you a confused glance you shook your head and said, “If we get caught and have to make a run for it, don’t expect me to wait for you.”
Kaeya’s smile was soft and serene for a moment, as if he found your every man for himself mentality endearing somehow, but then he cracked another one of those signature smirks. “Whatever you say,” he scoffed. “Just remember that I’m a faster runner than you are.”
In the end, you two had been able to convince someone to buy a drink for you— well, technically, they just ordered. Kaeya had bribed them with enough money for a pint for you, him, and an additional round for your willing participant and their small group of friends— and you’d even danced together among the cramped crowd when the band began to play an upbeat jig of a tune. The night had been mischievous, magical, and probably the most fun you’d had in a long time.
Until it wasn’t.
Because Kaeya got a little too tipsy, swearing he could handle a second round, a third, a fourth— swearing that he drank all the time and had the tolerance for it— and then started to get sloppy.
You couldn’t have been gone for more than two minutes, pushing your way to the bar counter to retrieve some water in hopes of remedying Kaeya’s spinning vision, but when you returned to where you’d left him on the edge of the dancefloor, you nearly dropped the full glasses and let them shatter all over the creaky, wooden floors.
Because, although his back was to you, you knew exactly what Kaeya was doing with the girl you’d noticed who’d been giving him doe-eyes all night. Her hand was twined through his silky hair, their lips too close to merely be talking, and when he put his hand on her hip to shift her slightly to the side, you saw head on just how deeply he’d been kissing her.
Back then, you’d been more than mad.
You’d been absolutely furious, blinded by your jealousy and longing and all those complicated, messy feelings you kept contained for the sake of ensuring things between you two were stable.
You’d slammed the glasses on the nearest table, water sloshing over the brims and nearly hitting the chatting patrons standing off to the side— who shot you scathing looks as they stepped away from the puddle that was forming as the liquid dripped off the edge of the furniture— wetting the floor by their feet. Then you’d stormed out, not caring if Kaeya followed you or spent all night trading saliva with some random stranger.
Or, at least, that’s what you’d tried to tell yourself.
Truth was, you’d started crying before the door of the tavern finished closing behind you and then you’d nearly collapsed in the next alley you came across, pressing your hand to your mouth as if that could contain all the sobs that were trying to barrel out, shakily steadying yourself against the cold brick wall and feeling like you were going to be sick.
Less than a minute later though, Kaeya caught up with you, having followed you out the moment he caught a glimpse of your silhouette rushing out the front doors, and immediately began trying to explain what had really happened through heavily slurred words and stumbling strides.
“I swear— She just came onto me! I told ‘er I was drunk— told ‘er I was with somebody but she wouldn’t listen—!” He’d stammered, all the while you stared him down like a wounded animal ready to strike if he got too close, all scrunch-nosed and sharp-glared, jaw clenched and breathing heavily.
You’d wanted to hit him. To scream that you loved him— you did— not some girl who didn’t even know his name or the types of sweets he snuck from the manor kitchen or his favorite shapes found among the stars. You wanted to go home. You wanted to curl up in bed beside him like you did when you were little and still scared of the dark. You wanted him. You wanted him to want you too.
“Just take me home!” You’d cut him off, marching past him out of the alley and back onto the main streets, the cobblestones feeling much more unsteady than you remembered them before.
So, yeah. Back then, you’d been mad. You’d gotten over it eventually, really heard him out and decided to accept his apology the following day when you both were sober and weighed down with the regret that bad decisions tended to leave behind.
But now, when Kaeya acted like four years of silence was worth the same as some one-off, instantaneous occurrence you’d gone through as immature teenagers…
You felt more hollow than anything, similar to the way tossing and turning through several sleepless, anxious nights left you with the sense that you were no longer a living, breathing girl but a ghost searching for the end of its own haunting, the world moving too fast around you as you drifted along and your thoughts rolled lazily through your mind, too exhausted to be bothered anymore.
“I was trying to give you space,” you admitted with a defeated sigh, draping yourself further over the railing to match his forlorn posture. “After everything that happened, I just thought…”
It came back in quick flashes— Diluc’s scathing, scornful words upon delivering the news of his father’s death and how you’d choked on your tears and sorrow as you rode back home through the woods and the smudged peacock feather used to sign off Kaeya’s final letter to you…
Then you looked over at him and admitted, “I thought you’d come back when you were ready. But the more time that went by…”
Kaeya met your gaze. You still weren’t over the initial shock of the eyepatch. You might never be, if you even got another chance to see him. You looked away again. Holding his stare for too long was like staring into the sun. It left his image burned into your vision even when you closed your eyes and made you ask yourself why you’d taken the risk to steal a glance in the first place. “I dunno… I guess I just thought you wanted nothing to do with me anymore.”
His hand was laying itself over yours on the railing now, a hand you’d seen in nearly every stage of its development— the small, clumsy grasp of a six-year-old as he’d fumbled with little knick-knacks given to him by one of the servants so he wouldn’t have to fight with Diluc over toys— the mischievous fiddling of a curious ten-year-old trying to pick the lock of his father’s home office just to see what lay beyond the heavy wooden doors— the awkward, lanky fingers of a thirteen-year-old learning to grow into the first stages of his adolescent body, how he used to nervously fidget with the sapphire newly pierced through his left ear when he was telling you some story he hoped would impress you— the sure, swift strength of a seventeen-year-old who caught your wrist as you’d tripped over your own feet while walking through the woods, helping you back up and no longer attempting to hide how much he liked seeing you blush upon receiving even the simplest of touches from him.
Now, being in his early twenties, Kaeya’s hands were slender and a little scuffed, knuckles scratched from sparring matches among the Knights and a callus on his middle finger from writing one too many reports, sending messages between nations when the Acting Grand Master became too busy with her end of foreign relations and he had to pick up the slack.
But even so, they were beautiful— nails manicured and skin still soft enough to prove that, despite his title, Kaeya wasn’t in the habit of working too hard.
“There is nothing—” Kaeya began, voice stern and reassuring, “Nothing— that you could ever do that would make me want nothing to do with you.” You could read the guilt scribbled across his face, biting your tongue as you felt the threat of tears prinkling in the back of your nose, a lump forming in your throat that you tried to swallow. “It was never my intention to cut you off…”
Kaeya gave your hand a light squeeze, the small pressure enough to burst the dam sealed off behind your eyes, causing your vision to become blurred as four years worth of uncertainty and sadness sparkled on the rim of your gaze.
“Then why—” you croaked, voice cracking as the tears spilled over, clumping your bottom lashes together in watery spikes, pair after pair of sparkling sorrow racing down your cheeks to meet under your chin. Kaeya didn’t let go of your hand as you began to cry. He only held on a little tighter, lacing his fingers together with yours and making a stifled sob slip past your lips.
“I just thought that you’d be upset with me— that you’d blame me. I mean…” he tried to explain, gently wiping away your next round of tears with the pad of his thumb, tracing a soft line across the apple of your cheek. “You grew up with Diluc, too. I didn’t want to put you in an awkward position with having to pick a side but, well…” Kaeya cracked another one of those apologetic smiles and suddenly you became overwhelmed with the urge to bury your face in his chest, to just let him hold you until you felt whole again. “I guess it’s too late for that.”
You just couldn’t stop crying, the slow drip of a leaking faucet suddenly becoming a pipe burst beyond repair.
Because you’d spent the last four years worrying Kaeya hated you for nothing.
All that pain, all that blame, pent up and pushed down over and over and over again until the glass bottle was ready to crack and splinter and shatter into a million shards of glittering glass dust…
It all seemed to be remedied the moment Kaeya wrapped both his long, lean arms around you, pulling you into his chest and running a hand through your hair, combing his fingers through the tangles created by the summer wind and soothing you with a quiet, whispered coo of, “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”
You could barely get the words out as you nuzzled your face into his shoulder, shaking your head in miniscule motions as you muttered out a pathetic sounding, “S’ok… I never blamed you—” A hiccuped sob interrupted your forgiveness, but your tears were starting to slow, the deep well they’d collected in nearly running dry. “I don’t even think Diluc blamed you… Not for what happened to—”
“It’s ok,” Kaeya cut in, the blade of his voice sharper than before but dulling by the second, taking a deep breath to calm himself. “It’s ok. Even if he does, that’s not your fault.”
“I know, I just—” One last shuddering exhale before you collected yourself, making the foolish mistake to stare directly back up into the bright star of his one-eyed gaze, though this time you didn’t care if it blinded you. You wouldn’t look away. “I just wish things could’ve ended up differently… For all of us.”
All the times you and Kaeya had caught a shooting star arching across the night sky during one of your celestial rooftop escapades, how many times had you wished for things to stay just as they had been?
How many times had you wished the sun would never rise, that the night would stretch across Teyvat’s vast horizon for the rest of eternity so you and Kaeya could stay laying side by side, hands clasped between you while your free fingers pointed out all kinds of animals and imaginary heroes in the tangled constellations?
Not enough times, apparently. And now it was too late. You could barely even make out the peacock anymore, too many misty clouds drifting in to veil the moon. But there was one thing you knew for certain, and that was, even if you couldn’t go back and rewrite the events of your lives so that you’d never have to spend even a single day apart wondering where in the world the other could’ve gone, you would do anything to not lose Kaeya again. Even if it was just ink and parchment keeping you two connected across cities— across nations— you would take up the pen again and again until you received another eyespot feather in the vibrant teal or aquamarine or violet Kaeya liked to sign his letters with.
“I know…” Kaeya mumbled, resisting the urge to press a chaste kiss to the crown of your head. But then he was pulling back from you, just enough so you could see the flicker of appraising charm forcing itself over his features, and said with a hint of those sly undertones that usually spelled some mix of trouble and fun, “But, you know, while you’re here, I’m sure we have quite the bit of catching up to do. How long are you in Mondstadt, anyhow?”
You blinked away the remaining film of tears glossing over your eyes, gave a weak sniffle, and replied, “Till the end of summer…”
You could tell the grin Kaeya wore next was a real one, not just adopted in the moment for your sake, and after smoothing down your hair and using the edge of his glove to wipe away the last of the salt streaking your face, he said, “Well then… I guess we have a lot of lost time to make up for until then.”
†††
Standing by the fountain in the Mondstadt square, the hiss of flowing water and whistle of the summer breeze creating an intertwining melody over the cobblestone streets, you took your first deep breath in what felt like years.
Well, in some ways, it was. And even though you’d waited this long to reconcile with your childhood friend, it was funny how long a week could feel when you’d spent literal years waiting for something you thought might never come.
But, seeing Kaeya approaching you now, it almost made it feel like no time had passed at all.
Because he was giving you that charming, mischievous smile, tossing up a coin and catching it, the glint of shimmering gold flying higher and higher above his head with every new throw, and making your heart flutter with every step closer to you he took.
“I haven’t kept you waiting long, I hope?” Kaeya’s question lilted with melodic smoothness, stopping before you with the gold Mora coin pinched between his fingers.
You smiled, shook your head, and replied, “Not at all. Plus,” you winked, leaning in a little closer as if telling a secret, your past self returning to you for a moment, the way you’d often become absorbed in Kaeya’s own scheming behavior if you spent a little too much time around him, “if you would’ve kept me waiting, I still remember the way to all your favorite taverns.”
Kaeya looked surprised for a moment, then softened as a giggle bubbled past his lips, his shoulders shaking with mirth. “Well, in that case…” He held his arm out to you, his elbow bent so you could loop your arm with his, and as soon as you took the invitation, he began to walk with you. “I guess we should get going before I end up passed out drunk in an alley somewhere.”
And things seemed perfect as you two strolled along under a clear, sunny sky— almost too good to be true. And wasn’t it always when you were blinded by joy that the parasites of doubt began to gnaw at your insides? To burrow their way deeper into your heart and inject poison into your veins?
Because, even as Kaeya complained about working for the Knights and rambled on about the best new bakery in town, the smile that had sat so easy and natural on your face slowly began to become strained, forced.
Because this, too, would end.
This moment, right here, right now, with him…
It would all become a memory once you returned to Liyue, faded and frayed around the edges the more time you spent away.
“—But you’ll just have to wait to try it once we get there.”
You blinked back into reality, glancing up at Kaeya with minor confusion and asking, “What? Get where?”
Kaeya smirked, finding pleasure in keeping you at least a little in the dark, so long as the end result would make you smile. “Heh… Guess you’ll just have to wait and see,” he teased, giving your shoulder a soft nudge with his own.
“No fair…” you lightly protested, puffing out a weak chuckle. Then you said, “You really haven’t changed, y’know. You used to keep secrets from me all the time when we were kids…” Now it was your turn to nudge him, harder than he’d nudged you, and soon you found yourself wearing a devious expression as you remarked, “You’re such a bully!”
“Am not!” Kaeya defended, laughing as he knocked some more of his weight into you and nearly caused you both to topple over. “Besides, it’s not keeping secrets! It’s surprising you.” He stuck his nose up in the air, going from goofy to regal in two seconds flat, another habit of his you remembered from back in the day.
It used to drive you crazy, how easily he could recover from a fit of laughter or straighten his posture after scrambling away from one of his schemes— how you’d always be the one to give things away because you could never compose yourself on command like that— but now, you found it endearing. It was unexpectedly familiar. Comforting. It helped settle all the doubts swimming around inside of you for a bit, at least.
“Oh, c’mon!” You begged playfully, pouting and pulling on his arm. “Just tell me!”
“Seems you haven’t changed much either.” Kaeya lowered his voice to something a little more serious, some melancholy longing slipping through. When you gazed up at him that time, you saw the shift with your own two eyes, the way he looked so pained one second only to mask it with playfulness the next. He reached over and pinched your ear with his free hand and declared through a chuckle, “You never were the most patient!”
“Hey!” You scolded through a poorly concealed laugh, swatting him away. “That’s not fair when you were always telling me things like ‘you’ll see’!” You mocked the quote in a deeper voice, as if it sounded anything like the warm, smooth, honey-sweet tone of Kaeya’s vocals. “Admit it! You liked to torture me with the suspense!”
Then you were both laughing, stumbling down the streets with your arms still interlocked as you reflected on a few more fond memories from your childhoods together. You unearthed stories he’d nearly forgotten while Kaeya teased you about embarrassing moments you wished he would forget.
But then the mood began to wither, all the petals of your bright, blooming banter plucked from the flower of your childhoods one by one until all that was left was the thorny stem.
“I’m sorry…” you apologized, trying to swallow the uncomfortable lump forming in your throat. “For what happened— to your family and to you. I’m just… I’m sorry. I should’ve—”
“Don’t—” Kaeya cut in, his voice quiet. Fragile. Like a star made of blown glass. Yet still his words contained the power to draw blood if the shattered shards were touched. His throat bobbed with a particularly hard swallow— he wanted to spare you his tears— and after clearing his throat, he concluded with, “It’s fine.”
“But I—”
“It’s not your fault!” Kaeya snapped, raising his voice over yours, then immediately kicked himself, sighing out a frustrated exhale before remedying his outburst with a kinder, “It’s not your fault, ok? It’s just…” He hesitated, searching for the right words to say. Then he shrugged, grasping your hand and giving it a slight squeeze. “It’s just the way things turned out.”
You realized then, as Kaeya forced himself to give you a smile, how you must look when you tried to fake the same emotions to him.
No matter how hard either of you tried to hide your feelings, to keep secrets, to lie…
The other would always know.
It was a part of your relationship that had never had its sharp edge dulled, never lost the saturation of its vivid color.
It was a side effect of being connected by the stars, the irony that the celestial plane had placed upon two soulmates.
So, if you couldn’t lie, the next best thing was to create a new truth.
You squeezed Kaeya’s hand back, gave him a crooked grin, and said, “Maybe we’ve both been holding onto the past… Maybe, even just for today, we should focus on the present.”
The curl of Kaeya’s palm around yours felt like coming home. Because, though Kaeya’s hands had changed from the last time you’d touched them— gotten bigger, stronger, colder— they still held onto you like you were something he wanted to protect.
“C’mon…” Kaeya nodded towards a nearby alley, the vaguely familiar crookedness of it sending a flash of a spontaneous escape route while trying to evade your chaperone through your memory. “For old times’ sake… Plus…” You started down the narrow alley with him, the sounds of both your laughter and shouts echoing through your brain like the ghosts you’d almost forgotten as your feet tapped over the cracked cobblestones. “This is the shortcut to the scenic route.”
†††
The romantic little row boat rocked upon gentle waves at the end of the dock, waiting for you and Kaeya to board it and drift out to one of the private islands in the middle of Cider Lake.
There was a picnic waiting for you there when you arrived and he’d packed all of your old favorites along with some new treats from that bakery he’d been trying to tell you about earlier. You could tell how much care he’d put into preparing it and found yourself a little taken aback considering this was your first real time together since reconnecting.
You know, aside from when you sobbed into his shoulder on the balcony of the Angel’s Share.
So, as you two enjoyed lunch together, talking and laughing and catching up, you did, for once, allow yourself to enjoy the present.
However, as the sun arched across the sky and the first golds and lilacs of sunset began to blush the horizon, the energy started to shift. Not necessarily in a bad way, but more so in a bittersweet way. Because you two could’ve shared so many more smiles, stories, touches, and tender gazes if only you hadn’t been separated by time.
If only, if only, if only, if only…
If only you’d allowed yourself to fall for him sooner.
If only you’d been brave enough to tell him how you’d really felt.
If only he would’ve told you how he really felt.
If only one of you would’ve reached out during all that time.
If only.
“What…?” you asked in a dream-like daze, laying out on your stomach across from Kaeya on the picnic blanket and gazing into his periwinkle eyes— well, the one that was left visible to you, at least.
You were still getting used to that, but the more you looked at him, the more you thought the eyepatch suited him. You could already imagine all the outrageous stories he’d made up when people asked him why he wore it or what was underneath. It made another tired giggle hum in your chest.
“Nothing…” Kaeya stalled, caught in the same dreamy state as you, his eye tracing all the features of your face. Unlike him, you still looked the same. Just a little bit older, a little more tired on account of all the late nights this current research project was demanding from you, your hair a little different, but your eyes and your smile…
To him, those would always be just like he remembered.
“It’s something…” Your voice was nearly a whisper, only speaking loud enough to be heard over the breeze, your feet kicking lazily behind you, Kaeya’s face only inches from yours. You outstretched one arm, lowered your head to rest your cheek on your shoulder, and stared up at him through your lashes. “You can’t lie to me…” You reminded him with a sated smile. “I always know.”
Kaeya let out a breathy chuckle, mimicking your relaxed posture and allowing himself to sink closer to the earth, the plush grass underneath felt through the blue and white checkered picnic blanket. He placed his hand on top of yours, gently rubbing his thumb along your soft skin, his voice growing even quieter, as if admitting what he was about to say next too loudly would wake him from the serene dream he was starting to believe this was.
He said, “It’s a secret,” which only made you roll your eyes and let out a cynical sigh, pushing off from the ground to sit back up, Kaeya following suit.
“Fine then,” you teased, nose up in the air as you shot him a playfully devious side glance, trying to hide a smile. “Don’t tell me. I’ll figure it out on my own sooner or later.”
Kaeya chuckled. “Oh, you will, will you?”
“Of course I will,” you continued, now absentmindedly playing with a stray thread on the hem of one of the quilted stitches. “And even if I don’t, you’ll tell me eventually. You can’t stand to be the only one in on something.”
Kaeya let out a hearty laugh, one that made you wish you could spend every day like this, with him, skirting on the edge of arguments and making harmless jokes and pulling on each other’s strings in just the right ways.
Just the way you used to.
Just the way you used to…
“Well which is it?” Kaeya continued to tease. “Do you want to figure it out on your own or do you want me to tell you?”
You picked up one of the lingering blueberries left in the basket and tossed it at him. “I want you to tell me.” You grinned as Kaeya caught it, tossing it back at you only for it to bounce away into the grass somewhere.
“Alright then,” Kaeya finally yielded with a resolute nod. “But you’ll have to come closer. It is a secret, after all.”
You scooted closer, leaning in with one ear as if you really expected him to whisper it to you. But then, after his silence stretched on for one moment too long, you looked back to him, your faces closer than they’d been since you two had snuggled up in his bed on a stormy night as children.
You felt your breath catch, unable to tear your stare away from his eye as if all the secrets of the universe were contained within that small pool of periwinkle, and as Kaeya’s hand reached forward to gently cup your cheek, weaving his fingers into your hair, you closed your eyes.
How long had you waited for this? Wanted this? Dreamt of it?
How many nights had you mourned a kiss that would never come as you stared over all the glittering lights that shimmered along every path in Liyue, wondering if you’d ever come close to feeling the way you’d felt about Kaeya with anyone else?
As his lips touched yours, everything else faded away— all the fear and the doubt and the past and the future.
There was only right here, right now, as if this single moment was all you’d ever lived in, all you’d ever known.
And Kaeya was so tender with you, so gentle and caring. Considering how long he’d also been waiting for this, wanting it, dreaming of it, it was a miracle he hadn’t ruined the moment and kissed you the very second you two stepped off the boat and onto the grassy shore, not stopping until it got so late that someone else sailed out searching for the missing Cavalry Captain.
The moment he broke away, the eternal bliss that had just filled you was stolen quicker than a wave pulling back from the shore, and you wove your fingers through his hair, using that as an anchor to keep you two close, tugging him in a little to press your forehead against his, any kind of contact that would make you feel like that wasn’t the first and the last, a silent pleading to hold on and never let go.
“Sorry…” Kaeya nervously whispered through a crooked smile, his eyes closed and careful hand moving to rest on the back of your neck, not wanting to let go either.
In return, you whispered, “Sorry for what?”
Kaeya let out a shuddering sigh, reluctantly pulled away a few inches so he could look you in the eyes. He searched your face for something— some kind of anger or sorrow or hesitation— anything to make the fact that you couldn’t stay easier on him.
But all he could scavenge from your loving, gentle expression was that none of this was ever meant to be easy. Because easy things were fleeting.
It was the hard things— the things you fought for— that ended up sticking around the longest.
It was the things you decided to grab and hold onto even through the thrashing and the clawing and whatever other odds that tried to cause you to give up and let go that you could truly call your own.
So he kissed you again, this time with a little more urgency, a little more passion, as if that was the only response that could accurately express whatever answer he could’ve spoken with words.
He was right when he’d said you two had a lot of lost time to make up for.
This seemed like a good place to start.
†††
Over the coming weeks, the city of Mondstadt had never seemed so small to you before in your entire life.
The once uncharted and mysterious alleys that winded between the buildings were now secret passageways and shortcuts to you. The rising levels of brick and stone that loomed and casted shadows big enough to swallow you whole were now a view of Kaeya’s office from the headquarters of the Knights or the windows of some foreign leader’s favorite hotel suite.
Because, despite the fact the city still may have looked the same on the surface, much had changed in the years you’d been away. Kaeya thought he ought to catch you up, maybe make a guessing game out of it while he was at it too.
“Let’s see…” you pondered, gazing up at some luxury apartment in the distance he’d pointed out to you. “It has a pretty good view, so it must be expensive, aside from its upper level location…” You’d already guessed the vacation homes of Fontaine politicians and Snezhnayan royals, Inazuma CEOs and wealthy Liyue traders. Kaeya had made you guess the residency of someone prominent from nearly every nation in Teyvat at one point or another with the exception of one you should’ve found most obvious in this case. “Wait, don’t tell me… It’s someone from Mondstadt, isn’t it?”
Kaeya gave a smile and a nod, keeping his lips sealed though seeming to struggle the more and more he could sense your wheels turning.
“It’s someone you know personally, isn’t it?” you asked next.
To that, Kaeya gave a conflicted shrug and replied, “I suppose you could say that, yes.”
“It’s the Grand Master of the Knights then— Or maybe the Acting Grand Master?” The two of you continued your lazy stroll through the streets, your hands clasped and on your way to a lunch reservation, which you were going to be late for if this particular game dragged on for much longer.
“Hmm… Close,” Kaeya hinted, and you perked up for a second. Then he said, “But not quite,” and you deflated back into a silent, pouting frustration.
“I give up then,” you resigned, trying to bait him into telling you.
Kaeya gave you a nudge. “No, c’mon, you know it.”
“Archons know what kinds of company you’ve kept over these past four years,” you sarcastically teased. “How am I supposed to guess when I haven’t even met a single one of your friends?”
Kaeya chuckled, amused, only becoming even more so when you frowned and asked him what was so funny. “You know him,” he hinted. That earned him a look caught between confusion and annoyance. “Just think,” he tried to encourage. “If it’s someone that you know, who I also— technically— know, and they’re from this nation…” The pride that settled over his features the moment he saw your eyes light up with the answer was enough to tell you you were right before you even said it.
“No—!” You exclaimed in hushed disbelief, staring at him wide-eyed as if waiting for him to admit he was just messing with you. You glanced from him back to the gilded ivory of the luxury complex then back to him. “So you mean this entire time you were hiding out in some high-rise palace?!” You let out a scoff of incredulous laughter, feeling both slighted and relieved. “And to think,” you added with a certain air of forced pretentiousness as you eyed him slyly, “all these years I was worried you were shivering in a shack somewhere.”
Kaeya let out another burst of laughter and a dramatic response of, “I shiver just imagining living in a shack. You think I would’ve ever allowed myself to end up in such a place?”
The remaining way to the restaurant and throughout the entire afternoon meal as well, the two of you traded more banter and flirtatious glances.
You’d found yourself becoming more comfortable with being on the receiving end of Kaeya’s playful quips or the naughty suggestions he’d whisper in your ear when you two found yourselves nestled within a crowd, always taking pleasure in how flustered you’d become while he remained cool and calm in that easy, calculated way of his, the only evidence of his comment being that sly smirk spread across his lips.
Kaeya was determined to make the most of his time with you— he hadn’t gone to the trouble of rearranging his entire work schedule to match your research hours for nothing. So, at every given chance he would take you out. He’d plan a special surprise. Sometimes, you two would just spend the entire day talking, hours passing like minutes. If you weren’t submerged in research, you were out on the town with what Fenhua and Haoyu had started referring to as your “mysterious suitor”.
As soon as the sky grew dark with the lilacs and violets of night, Kaeya would walk you back home to the quaint little living space you shared with your other two classmates, kissing you on the hand and wishing you a good night and the sweetest of dreams whilst Haoyu and Fenhua watched from the window (less than subtly, you’d noticed on more occasions than not) and began to conjure up a new round of questions and curiosities about who the handsome, one-eyed gentleman really was to you.
Not to mention, how you’d had any time whatsoever to begin a courtship amidst the busy work schedule this research project was trapping you all in.
“So who is he?” Haoyu asked first, unable to contain his nosiness, however harmless it usually was.
“Yeah, and where’d you two meet?” Fenhua would jump in, both of them trailing along behind you as you attempted to retreat to your room to unload your things and take a breather.
“Is he a Knight? I heard you should watch out around those guys,” Haoyu warned. “They get bored with the girls from their own city and latch onto any new face they meet.”
“Oh, but he’s so dreamy, isn’t he?” Fenhua sighed, throwing herself to lay across the end of your bed while you kicked off your shoes and tried to suppress an amused smile. “And don’t listen to Haoyu. I mean, sure, maybe some of the Knights who are on the prowl are a little promiscuous, but if you end up changing your mind about the one you managed to lure in…” She gave you a cheeky wink accompanied by a sly smirk. “Feel free to send him my way.”
Haoyu sat on the other side of Fenhua, rolling his eyes at her and handing you the glass of water you’d left out that morning as you went to reach for it, continuing as you took a sip, “I mean, I’m not trying to sound like I’m—”
“What? Jealous?” Fenhua cut in with a giggle, earning her a sharp nudge in the shoulder from Haoyu.
“What I was trying to say—” Haoyu began again, shaking his head and smirking at his mischievous friend before looking back to you, “—is that I’m not trying to sound like I don’t trust your judgment. It’s just, well… You’ve always been like a little sister to us. We’re protective over you. And you’re so shy most of the time, especially around new people…” Fenhua sat up, taking a slightly more serious stance alongside Haoyu now, nodding along as he spoke. “I’m just wondering why you’ve caught his attention— I mean,” he anxiously remedied, “Ok, that sounded bad. I’m just worried that guy has ulterior motives, know what I mean?”
You set the now empty glass on the bedside table, looking to both your friends with a sense of gratitude, but also a slight twinge of guilt. “Guys,” you began, “I appreciate you always looking out for me, but I didn’t just meet Kaeya.” You paused for a moment, trying to decipher the puzzled looks exchanged between both your friends. “We knew each other when we were kids,” you then clarified, both Haoyu and Fenhua giving a synchronized “oooohh…” of understanding.
You filled them in, explained how you grew up together, pretty much all the way until you were eighteen, but lost touch right before you left to attend university in Liyue.
“We haven’t seen each other in a long time so…” you shrugged, your bashful smile giving you away. “We’ve just been catching up.”
And so came more questions from the two of them, naturally, but as you answered this time— in the moments they both stopped trying to speak over each other and actually lent you a small space of silence to try and address one of their many inquiries— you found yourself being careful about which truths you divulged to them and which ones you wanted to keep for yourself.
Because while the memories of your childhood might’ve been up for grabs when it came to what you were willing to expose, the more intimate details of the recent developments of you and Kaeya’s relationship were under lock and key.
Almost all of your alone time— and, if you were being honest, most of the time meant to be dedicated to your research— was spent thinking about him if you weren’t seeing him. It was spent replaying all the times over these past weeks that Kaeya had held your hand, put his arm around you, pulled you in close, held your face in his palms as you gazed up at him lovingly, kissed you…
Even things that hadn’t yet happened, but you’d very much like to try, if the occasion so arised.
“But you guys have gotta be more than friends, right?” Fenhua pushed, giving you a half-lidded look as if to say, give it up. “I mean, I’ve seen you two walking arm in arm when he drops you off. The guy has kissed your hand—!” She was gesturing wildly now, nearly hitting Haoyu in the face a few times and making him flinch. “We may not be from this city but you can’t tell me that all Mondstadter’s express friendship like that, I mean…”
You admitted that, growing up, Kaeya would harmlessly flirt with you all the time. When asked what you’d do in response, you simply said you’d just scoff and brush him off, tell him to stop teasing, which wasn’t a complete lie. The fact that you were leaving out how you wished he’d just be direct and stop keeping you guessing all the time so you could finally know if you two were more than just friends didn’t make what you’d told them any less true.
“Ok, but did you ever consider,” Haoyu raised, “that maybe he was doing all of that back then because he actually did like you?”
Yes, you thought to yourself, a million times, yes.
But, even now, that made the distance you’d just finally gotten a chance to close all the more painful.
If Kaeya had had feelings for you— those kinds of feelings— all along…
How could he have let you go like that?
“Well of course he liked her,” Fenhua stated like it was the most obvious fact in the world. She threw her arm around you, pulling you in for a side hug and saying with a warm smile, “What’s not to like?”
And so the three of you sat around on your bed talking and teasing each other for much later than any of you had intended, given you had an early start to tomorrow’s work. But for as much as you’d smiled and giggled at all their speculations, by the time you were alone in your bed again, all of that doubt started creeping back in.
Because your time was ticking down every single week, every single day, and soon, every single hour before you had to leave this little bubble of bliss you’d accidentally discovered and return to Liyue.
You couldn’t just skip out on your final year of university to chase some guy, even if that guy was Kaeya Alberich— not when you’d worked so hard to get this far.
And so a war began to rage inside your mind, a constant push and pull of leave, stay, leave, stay, leave, stay colliding every time you tried to focus on your work only to be distracted with intrusive thoughts like how many more times would you and Kaeya get to kiss before you couldn’t anymore?
How many more times would you get to hold his hand, liking the way his cool palms helped stave off the season’s heat as you strolled through the square?
How many more times would you have the chance to memorize the exact shade of periwinkle that glittered in his eyes?
How much sooner and how much longer could you have been able to learn and appreciate these kinds of experiences with him if only things had turned out different?
The dread and regret could eat you alive, if you let it, but eventually, after much tossing and turning, you’d fall asleep.
Some nights, you’d have pleasant dreams, others, vicious nightmares. But by the time you woke up, you’d only be left with one thought, one feeling.
And that was that you didn’t want to leave Kaeya— not for another year or another month or another day. But this version of reality you were currently living couldn’t last forever. You both had your own paths, your own lives and goals and dreams.
It was unfair to choose. Cruel to choose.
It was a painful reminder that to love was to suffer, one way or another.
At least, you thought, this time you wouldn’t be suffering alone.
†††
With summer on its deathbed, so was the stress of completing your research in Mondstadt.
You were relieved to have finished on time, to have all those early mornings, hectic afternoons, and sleepless nights behind you. But that relief was merely the honey that came before the bitter pill you knew you’d have to force yourself to swallow.
Kaeya was better at masking it than you were, all his playful remarks and charming smiles working overtime to put you at ease and brighten your spirits. But, behind that disguise was a sense of loneliness.
Your grins were lonely too, every upturn of the corners of your mouth hosting a silent apology for something that wasn’t really anyone’s fault. Time was running out, Kaeya knew. He could hear it woven into your words and embroidered around the edges of your laughter. But despite the summer coming to an end, he was determined to make every day that you two had left together count.
He’d spent the last few weeks planning a most special surprise for the both of you to share.
“So you really aren’t gonna tell me this time…” you kept on pressing as you leaned closer into Kaeya’s side, both of you strolling along with your arms linked under a sunset sky. “Are you?” Velvety lilacs bled into the sky more and more with every hill you climbed, chasing away the soft blues and pale golds of daylight’s final moments.
Kaeya chuckled, shook his head, and replied, “Nope. You’re just gonna have to wait and see.”
The two of you had left the city, the walls that still held the ghosts of so many childhood memories growing smaller in the distance every time you peaked behind you.
“Well, can you at least tell me if we’re almost there?” you asked a little while later, part of you starting to wonder if he was playing a trick on you.
“Hmm… I could…” Kaeya teased, pretending to weigh his options. Then he flashed you a mischievous grin and said, “But I think it’s more fun to watch you squirm.” That earned him a jab in his ribs from your elbow, but your playful, otherwise painless assault only won you another chuckle from him. “Alright, alright,” Kaeya caved, slipping his arm around your waist and tugging you closer to his side. “We’re almost there.” He kissed the top of your head, his mischief softening to something a little more demure. “I promise it’ll be worth the wait.”
The remaining trek didn’t last long, thankfully for your giddy impatience, and as you reached the top of the final slope and took in the view, you sucked in a gasp.
“Kaeya!” you exclaimed, covering your mouth as if that would muffle your awe and excitement. “Don’t tell me— Is this really for us?”
Kaeya stood next to you, hands on his hips, looking rather pleased with himself as he surveyed the private campsite he’d set up for the two of you, a large tent with an open roof to view the stars placed across from a crackling bonfire, a case full of cold drinks and food you two could cook together doubling as a makeshift bench for the time being.
Kaeya pretended to scan the horizon, sweeping his gaze from one side of the cliff to the next as he shielded his eye from a sun no longer present. “Well, considering there’s no one else here…” he shrugged, sneaking you a wink and a playful side glance. Then, pulling you back in close to whisper in your ear he said, “Think you can still find our favorite constellation?”
And you were so happy in that moment that the reminder of your dwindling time left together was temporarily forgotten. You felt almost like you could cry, though this time for completely different reasons.
You were just taking everything in— the sight of the fire glowing through the dusk and the sound of nature’s ambient buzz and the feeling of longing, once starved, now being fed for the first time in years, swelling in your chest— so you didn’t even notice how long you’d remained silent, awe-struck, until you heard the nervous tremble in Kaeya’s next words.
“I mean, I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay the whole night here if you’re not comfortable…” he gently backpedaled, though where his hand rested on your hip didn’t waver. “I don’t want to assume—”
“Kaeya…” you cut him off, wanting to sound as sure about your answer as you felt, but the emotions flooding you made the end of his name quiver.
You cleared your throat, turned to better face him, and looked into his periwinkle eye, studied how it glittered so brilliantly even in the dark, like he held a galaxy within him, celestial and divine. Then you cupped his face in your hands, his skin cool against your summer-warmed palms, and said, “I have spent years waiting— hoping— for something like this. So please…”
Kaeya’s simmering apprehension turned to the still waters of relief as a fresh smile was cast upon you, offering you his hand the way he’d done so many times before, only this time, you knew the intention held much more weight than helping you up after a picnic in the glade or lending assistance dismounting a horse. He said, “Then, shall we?” and the yes that left your mouth held all the adoration that had been hibernating in your heart during those long, lonely years.
†††
As you and Kaeya sat huddled beside each other after the barbeque, nearly dozing off with bellies full and cravings for all your childhood favorites satisfied, a serene silence filled the place where laughter and conversation had previously been. You stared into the fire, once dancing, now dying, and swore you kept catching glimpses of memories long forgotten forming in the flames.
It made you miss Diluc too, in a strange way, wishing he could’ve been here to recount adolescent mischief and humorous anecdotes that were sure to cause him and Kaeya to bicker. But what had happened between the brothers was still a wound you didn’t dare dress. You doubted the bandage of your comfort was enough to heal such an injury, especially one that was likely already long scarred over, irreparable.
“Ah— Found it,” Kaeya finally spoke, breaking you from your bittersweet pondering. When you followed the line of his pointing finger, your gaze landed on that glittering group of familiar stars. As Kaeya leaned back to lay across the blanket beneath you two, he clasped his hands behind his neck and said through a dreamy sigh, “It’s been a while, old friend…”
After a moment, you lay back to join him. But that’s when the pang of regret and guilt you’d been trying so hard to avoid returned to poke its pointed edge in through your ribs, aiming for your fragile heart.
In a voice strained with tears soon to come, you said, “I have to go back to Liyue in less than a week…” To this, Kaeya merely turned his head to better look at you, that slight crinkle of elegant worry tugging at his brow. You blew out a deep, shuddering breath, hoping to compose yourself. “I just wish—” You swallowed, squeezed your eyes shut, then tried again. “I just wish we had more time.”
You couldn’t look at him. As much as you could feel his gaze studying you, as much as you wanted to glance over and learn those twitches in his expression, read his face over and over again like it was your favorite book, pages dog-eared and passages underlined and annotated with meticulous care, you couldn’t.
The moment you caught your reflection in all that shimmering periwinkle would be the last drop to burst the dam.
But Kaeya had never been much for flowing water. His area of expertise was freezing it, preserving it with frosted, crystalline beauty until such a time came when the heat of a flame or the shift to a warmer season caused his ice sculpture of love to melt.
“Hey, hey…” he cooed, flipping to his side, readying himself to comfort you. “This doesn’t have to be the end.” But you both knew it was more complicated than that. You both had obligations and responsibilities that would keep you apart, people who counted on you who you couldn’t abandon.
It seemed both of you had made a habit of abandoning yourselves, sacrificing what your hearts told you to be sacred and true all for the sake of opportunity or status.
“I’ll wait for you, y’know?” When he first said it, you could’ve sworn you hadn’t heard him right. Blinking back your misting sorrows, you choked out an uncertain, “What?” and when the boy you’d loved for so long, now a man who loved you right back, repeated the first four words of the loyal vow, well…
You didn’t have the strength to hold back your emotions anymore.
But Kaeya was smiling as he wiped your tears. He offered to help you find a position in Mondstadt once you graduated, if that was something you wanted. With his connections through the Knights, after all, he should be capable of pulling a few strings.
It was sort of overwhelming, hearing him ramble off his plans— plans that sounded like he’d already put quite some thought into them, actually— to make this work between you two. You weren’t giving a clear indication to whether or not you were on board with his efforts, but truth be told you were still recovering from being blindsided by his promise.
I’ll wait for you.
How long had he already been waiting?
The way he spoke now, so hopelessly sure of himself, made it seem like just as long as you had. When you finally forced yourself to meet his eyes, you thought it might’ve been even longer.
“Please—” Kaeya practically begged, taking both your hands in his, clasping them between the two of you as if they were a sacrosanct talisman he was praying upon, gracing the very Archons themselves. “I’ve already lost you once. Don’t make me lose you again…”
He’d been just as terrified as you back then, racing through the pouring rain on horseback, blood painting the right side of his face where his eye was matted shut with rusted red, hands numb with the newfound cold that laced its way through his bones— yet as he dashed from the scene, leaving the news of his second father’s death and the remnants of the battle against his brother behind him, what he thought of wasn’t the loss of the only family he’d probably ever be able to recall…
He thought of losing you.
He thought of the scared, sorrowful look you’d give him if you ever came to learn the full truth of that night, and it had torn him apart with every gallop his steed took further into the piney tangle of the woods.
So, finally able to utter a response, no matter how simple, you whispered, “Ok.”
“Ok?” he muttered, tasting the answer with his own tongue and then reveling in the sweetness of it. Pressing his forehead to yours, letting his eye fall shut and feeling his heartbeat drum a little less frantic, he whispered those two magic syllables once more, as if finally granting himself the right to reclaim something from his past that wasn’t marred by mystery or mourning, “Ok…”
Suddenly you felt a giggle bubbling up in your chest, finding it ironic that you now felt the need to comfort him. “You could always find a way to take a business trip to Liyue sometime, too,” you suggested. “But, to answer your previous question. Yes, I would most definitely accept a position in Mondstadt after graduation if given the chance.”
Lightly nudging his nose to yours, Kaeya was able to smile again. Because, so long as the two of you were together, everything would turn out ok. You’d figure it out, lean on each other when things got tough, and whether you were together or apart, you’d forever be linked by the night.
“Just look for the peacock in the sky,” he muttered, his mouth hovering right over yours, the gentle fan of his cool breath melting you from the inside out. “Remember that it’s me looking after you…”
��††
The tent was bigger on the inside than it appeared. Spacious, with an abundance of blankets and pillows and room to nest. The ceiling opened to let the stars in, so many twinkling lights serving as a reminder of just how many times you and Kaeya must’ve looked up at the same exact constellations and had all those fond childhood memories come rushing back.
That, in itself, was its own kind of unbreakable bond.
And he was right. No matter how far the distance between you two spanned, you felt closer to him knowing the peacock was glittering somewhere above your head.
You two were just settling in, getting comfortable when you had the sudden urge to seek him out for another kiss. You’d never grow tired of the way his lips felt against yours, the way he tasted of crisp winter air and dandelion wine. The way his long fingers wove into your hair, so tender yet so desperate to hold you and never let go.
Kaeya deepened the kiss, his tongue teasing along the seam of your lips until they parted for him to give a sample of your flavor, something subtly sweet but no less satisfying. Before you knew it— not even having the chance to think about it— you were being pulled into his lap, your thighs straddling his hips as both your motions became more erratic, any and all savoring smoothness slowly saturating to the vibrant colors of desire, your stomach fluttering with that warm, rolling feeling as yearning turned lazily inside of you.
Your fingers had found their way into the river of his silky, navy strands, reminded how shiny and soft Kaeya’s hair had always been, the envy of everyone, just like most traits he’d been blessed by the Archons with.
It was quickly becoming clear that both of you wanted more of each other— far more than you’d gotten thus far— but before things could go too far too fast, Kaeya pulled back, giving you both a moment to catch your breath before asking if you’d done this before.
Suddenly more abashed by his question than the act you’d fully been ready to engage in, you said that you had, but only once. It had been when you’d first started university. It hadn’t been a particularly notable experience, but also not a horrible one either.
“I imagined it was you…” you admitted, unable to hold his gaze as you confessed something you now had regrets about. If you would’ve known you’d end up here, you would’ve saved the first time for him.
“C’mon now,” Kaeya began, letting out a breathy chuckle as he lightly hooked a finger under your chin, guiding your gaze back up to meet his. “Don’t say that.” You were about to interject, unsure whether the words that would leave your mouth would be assurance that you were telling the truth or a scolding for him not to tease you, but before you could say anything he continued with a sly, flirtatious whisper of, “Besides, if he didn’t leave much of an impression, he could never compare to me…”
You felt your face burn with shame and annoyance, flashing an adorably stunned scowl, mouth agape with a silent gasp which only made Kaeya laugh. Once he regained some of his composure though, he faded back into that soft, intimate security you never get tired of, resting his hands on your hips and assuring you in earnest that he was going to take good care of you. That you had nothing to worry about with him. That you were safe. You were loved.
“I got you…” he cooed as he helped you undress, every article of clothing he rid your body of removed with slow, savoring intention, his gaze tracking the newly exposed flesh with reverence, worshiping your figure with his single-eyed stare.
And you watched Kaeya undress too, enamored with all that beautiful brown skin, the glow of the moon outlining him in its silvery light, tracing over the toned expanse of his chest and broad shoulders, counting the new scars he’d earned over the years but finding they did nothing to take away from his regal beauty.
“Your eyepatch…” you then muttered as he drew closer to settle his skin against yours. “Are you going to…?”
Kaeya then seemed to become a little self conscious, as if he’d forgotten about it entirely until you’d spoken of its existence. His fingers hovered over the black material hiding his right eye, frozen in the decision to show you what was hidden underneath or not.
“No, y’know what…” you assured him, taking his hesitant hand in yours. “It’s ok. I don’t care about that. If it’s a secret you want to keep for yourself,” you said, “I’ll respect that.”
Kaeya looked like he wanted to tell you something— maybe he wanted to tell you everything— but then decided against it. Perhaps another time. Surely when you were both fully clothed and not so distracted by each other’s bodies the way you were now.
And then you were laying under him, and he was kissing you again in that way that made any and all thoughts that weren’t concerning right here and right now dissipate, and his hands felt cold like they usually did but his mouth was so much hotter than before. Goosebumps rose over your skin as his skilled touch explored the soft curves and planes of your form, both eager and patient at the same time, searching for the places that you responded to most and paying them more attention until you were gifting him soft whines and lilting mewls, gasps hitching as his mouth sucked his own pattern of constellations into your skin.
It was almost too much for you and all he’d done was kiss and touch you. It was enough to convince you that, like Kaeya had previously said, whether just a joke meant to fluster you or not, when you’d been imagining the boy who’d taken your virginity had been Kaeya back then, he hadn’t even come close.
This felt like worship.
Heavenly.
Divine.
For a moment, it made you think perhaps Kaeya was an Archon disguised as a human. His natural beauty was enough to rival the gods, a fact that presented itself at an early age, and his bountiful talents for combat and charming conversation were even more evident of such an assumption.
But for Kaeya, he saw you as the otherworldly deity, captivated most by the things only he got to know about you, like the way you sighed his name when he kissed your neck and the way your fingers felt tugging in his hair as he laved over the sensitive bud of your breast, feeling it furl even tighter in his mouth and earning another pleasured whine from your throat.
You felt yourself nearing an edge you hadn’t faced in a long time, and for a moment you tried to push him away, needing a moment to regain even a sliver of yourself before truly allowing it all to let go.
Kaeya prayed that you didn’t want to stop, but was also willing to do whatever it took to make you comfortable in this new, still so unexplored situation. He told you that if you needed to wait, he’d wait as long as it took. He’d already spent years waiting for this, and if it meant getting to have you of your own volition, there was no span of time he wasn’t willing to endure.
“No…” you breathed, cradling his face in your trembling palms, making sure he didn’t take his periwinkle gaze off you. “No, I want to keep going… I just…” You closed your eyes for a moment, swallowed down the fear, remembering his promise to take care of you. “I want to keep going.”
So Kaeya prepared you the best he could, slowly working you open with his fingers and paying close attention to how your body reacted to that slight stretch, letting out a hiss as he felt you clench around him before he was even really inside yet. He couldn’t believe this moment— one he’d spent countless nights falling asleep to or kept wide awake by for years— was actually happening.
By the time he was lining himself up with your entrance, your pulsing little hole already trying to swallow up his length before he’d barely nudged the tip in, Kaeya was sure he was experiencing pure ecstasy. It was hard not to sink into you down to the hilt in one harsh thrust, but he’d made you a promise and he intended to keep it.
After you’d adjusted to the sweet sting of him nestled inside of you, both of you taking time to catch your breath and relax a little, Kaeya began to move, holding you close as his hips rolled slow and rhythmic to meet the apex of your thighs, deepening the connection between your two bodies with each new motion and drinking in every sound of pleasure that left your pretty little mouth.
He couldn’t help but mark you with more bruises, wanting to claim you as his but not go so far as to hurt you. He was first and foremost focused on making you feel good. That way, in turn, you could make him feel good. And so the back and forth, endless cycle of drawing pleasure from each other’s bodies filled the tent with his strained whimpers and your delectable, melodic little whines.
Reaching a hand down to massage more gentle circles on your already overstimulated, swollen little clit, Kaeya’s thrusts picked up speed. Your tight cunt was constricting around him so hard he knew he didn’t have much longer before he lost control, but he was on a mission to make sure you came first.
“Kaeya—!” You called out through a clipped moan. And, Archons, you were so beautiful like this. Always so, so beautiful without even having to try. And Kaeya loved you. Kaeya loved you.
When you reached your limit, entire body tensing as wave after wave of pleasure washed through your veins, Kaeya gave a few more deep rolls of his hips and then he too was coming undone, filling you to the brim and stroking your face with the back of his hand as you both rode out the aftermath of the high.
The next thing you knew, you were wrapped up in Kaeya’s arms again. He held you close, and like this, listening to the steady beat of his heart as your vision swirled with sparkling stars, you felt like you were in a dream, drifting off to sleep on this cloud of warmth and pleasure.
And you loved him. Archons, you loved him.
The last thought you could recall before falling unconscious was that all this had been worth the wait, and a little while later, after Kaeya had cleaned you up, careful not to wake you, and bundled you both up in the blankets, snuggling back in close to you, he whispered those words out loud, meaning every syllable even if you weren’t able to hear them.
“I’ve always loved you,” he said, his voice a ghost drifting away on the next breeze. “And I’m never going to lose you again.”
Kaeya was quick to doze off beside you, and there was just a sense that, by the time you both woke up tomorrow, all your old wounds would be healed.
†††
The final day of your summer in Mondsadt was coming to a close, the city of contracts calling you and your classmates back to begin a new semester. But, as you stared out at the city of freedom, the landscape glowing gold with the setting sun, you were relieved to find you didn’t feel sad.
You, Kaeya, and your two research partners had all gone for a nice lunch that day. You thought it might be important for your friends to get to know your boyfriend a little better, now that you were lucky enough to be able to refer to Kaeya as such. So, throughout a lengthy afternoon full of laughter and banter, food and drinks, the time arrived for you to return to your temporary apartment and pack your things.
Kaeya offered to help, but you insisted all he had to do was make himself comfortable, unable to hide a smirk as he chose to lounge across your bed rather than take the chair by the desk, already acting right at home.
Neither of you really talked about it— how much you were going to miss each other— but that was all well and good with you.
Besides, Kaeya had already made arrangements to come visit you in Liyue a few weeks from now, wanting you to give him the full tour once you’d gotten all settled in and back to the normal swing of your routine. In between now and then though, you’d both spend your time writing letters and counting down the days. You were excited to see his messages signed off with that indigo eyespot feather again. Just the thought had your heart skipping a beat.
Waving goodbye to Kaeya as you crossed the bridge leading away from Mondstadt, his lithe silhouette shrinking by the stone arches more and more every time you dared glance back, the sky entering its era of peach and lilac before shrouding the valleys with its velvet navy, you found yourself craving the darkness of night.
Because, from now on, all you’d have to do to be reminded Kaeya was with you was to look up and find the peacock in the stars.
***
(Hello and thank you for reading! Also, to the person who requested this fic— first and foremost, I sincerely hope you enjoyed, and second, thank you for making such a nice request!
I had a lot of fun writing for Kaeya again. I guess I kind of can’t help but make him soft and tender in the end haha. I think he talks a big game and plays up his whole flirtatious side but deep down what he really wants and needs is a deep emotional connection as well.
Anyway, thanks again for reading, and if anyone else is ever interested in making a request, please check out my request guidelines.
See you next time <3)
#i know i said i was posting this request tomorrow buuuuut...#i finished a day early so surprise! here it is anon!#kaeya alberich#kaeya alberich x you#kaeya alberich x reader#kaeya alberich x y/n#kaeya alberich smut#kaeya alberich fanfic#genshin impact#genshin smut#genshin impact fanfics#genshin impact smut#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#genshin x you#genshin x y/n#genshin impact x you#genshin impact x y/n#kaeya genshin impact#kaeya alberich genshin impact#kaeya x you#kaeya x reader#kaeya genshin x reader#kodis requests
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Hi Peach!
the latest episode of KNY and your recent posts have just made me go and reread TGW - don’t ask me how many times I’ve read it now cause I lost count 🤷🏼♀️
I love your take on my emo King so much. Giyuu is quite a deadpan character but you are able to write him having silly/funny moments so well. They don’t feel forced at all. Adding comedy to the endless of list of your amazing writing skills 🩵
And I’m so looking forward to the part II Tanjiro visit scene (poor poor boy) and the Miko chastising Giyuu for having an empty house (she will be chewing him out I can’t wait)
I went back and reread the first TGW teaser you ever posted and I hope you don’t mind me asking but was reader always going to be a Shrine Maiden or did that idea come later as the fic came together?
Now I need to be so honest with you - Peach ‘IT TAKES TWO’ killed me in the best horny way possible, I am quite partial to a wee bit of SaneGiyu so seeing them in a threesome fic the scream I scrumpt 😭 mean corruption kink Giyuu forever
I hope you’re getting lots of smooches and fresh air
much love
-🫧🫧
(PS no stop no don't write for Shinjiro, he’s totally not everyone’s anime dad crush at all 😉😚)
BESTIE BUBBLEEEEEEEEEE!!
So tickled that you reread TGW again. Honestly, I’ve fallen right back into the brain rot it, and spent a good portion of today writing for it 😭 seeing Giyuu smile in last night’s episode made me MELT.
and ALSMSKAKOAKS as always your compliments reduce me to an absolute puddle and I will never be solid again.
I’ll answer your asks about TGW below!
I won’t give away Reader’s backstory quite yet (that comes in Part 3!) but I will say — she was raised in a shrine and doesn’t have a lot of personal items either. She’s actually so overwhelmed by the fact she finally has a home — something that she can call hers, that she almost cries 😭 but you’ll see Giyuu feel sort of insecure about it for the first time (he just wants to impress his girl lmao).
As for your question about when I decided to make Reader a shrine maiden in TGW..
TGW came about because of the “I’m not your enemy” scene that was teased in the OG teaser — hence, why it was the first look. The entirety of TGW bloomed around this one mental image I had of Giyuu strangling his lover. I decided pretty quickly it would be his BOJ.
I knew she was going to be a civilian when I published the OG teaser, but I hadn’t settled on anything more concrete than that. HOWEVER, the second scene I wrote was the first time scene that ends Part I — I wrote that entire thing in like an hour while procrastinating. I first teased the virginity loss scene like, maybe two days after the OG teaser? So in the span of those two days I decided she would be a Shrine Maiden. It was a pretty easy decision — I needed her to have some flexibility RE her background but also give her a stable place Giyuu could come back to and see her. So that’s how I decided! But to answer your question, she was pretty much a Miko from the start, minus like two days lmao.
As for the Tanjiro scene — honestly, I’m enjoying the thought of it sm. Especially because he, like everyone else left alive after Muzan, had NO IDEA Reader even existed.
Giyuu actually takes off from the Butterfly Mansion to get her as soon as he regains consciousness and doesn’t tell anyone where he’s going — so when they show up concerned to his estate, you can imagine how SHOOK they are to se that not only is there a woman there (the implication of what they did the previous night being very clear lmao), but also that she’s introduced as his fiance. Like, “here she is, this is mine. I love her.”
I’m so glad you loved It Takes Two 🫡🫡 I am happy to provide spit roasting always!!
Sending you much love!! Please stop encouraging me to write Shinjuro I have too much to do!! I’ve already started HELP
#so anyways that red dress Kyojuro fic is getting a part 2 with Shinjuro lmao#🫧 anon#🍑’s asks#giyuu tomioka
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Hello & Happy Monday!
So...for the WIP tag game...I know I'm supposed to pick the one (1! ONE!) that I find most intriguing, but this is like a whole buffet of intrigue, so maybe I can have two? 👀
1) НОЧНОЙ РАЗГОВОР (FIGURE OUT) <- ngl, the 'figure out' cracked me up. Also, late night conversations? Yes, please!
2) what's a nice nutcase like you doing in a place like astoria 1203 <- this just sounds fun...and possibly like the title could be deliberately misleading
Thank you! <3
Hello helloo, happy Monday to you too! (but also Tuesday now I guess. It's a 2-for-1!)
Thank you for the ask, and thank you for indulging me with two (2! it's gonna be so long!) <3
НОЧНОЙ РАЗГОВОР (FIGURE OUT!!!) - Ooof, this fucking guy. I'm glad my stern instructions to myself in the title there were funny, because I do indeed need to FIGURE this one OUT and it's bugging me. It's essentially another chapter that's a part of a larger work (not naming names not pointing fingers but it's. The Work I'm Having Trouble Updating) and it was written a looong while back, which is why it's now a standalone file. I love the premise but I kinda want to tear it down and rebuild it entirely, mostly because I'm still deciding on whether I like the way I wrote the backstory for it. So. It's fun! It's challenging! It's giving me a migraine!
The title's from this song about a tired traveler trying to find his way in the night. It's three conversations (Steve+Nat, Nat+Bucky and Bucky+Steve - although they barely talk at all) that happen in the night after a very not lucid, injured Don't-Call-Me-Bucky who's recently remembered the Red Room and also had a pretty rattling encounter with the code words seeks Natasha out in Europe for [redacted] something as a last resort, but instead accidentally walks straight into Steve who he's been staying away from like the Devil Himself since CATWS. And then basically bleeds all over him. (I am not immune to the wound care trope! However, this is unfortunately not that.)
A lot of ugly feelings and defense mechanisms are brought up, some painful memories re: the war and the Red Room are brought up, and nobody's having a good time or really knows how to process jack shit. They all communicate/perceive love&protection in wildly different ways, and while all three dynamics end on some kind of natural conclusion it's still a lot of unfinished, unspoken business and just kind of sad. Hurt no comfort that's necessary for there to be the promise of comfort in the future, if you will.
Tbh, I really want to finish/reincorporate this one. But it's just so *screams into paper bag*. Anyway. Snippet:
When Steve wakes up the next morning Bucky’s gone, like he knew he would be. Like a hurricane passing through, the foreknowledge doesn’t make the aftermath any easier.
And then what? his own voice from so long ago echoes in his head as he waits for the water for Natasha’s tea to boil in the sunny little kitchenette of the motel’s lobby.
16 hours later, he’s watching the blinding stripe of the sun setting over the East River before the plane maneuvers onto the landing strip at JFK.
The hell else? Then we march on, ace. We go home.
2. what's a nice nutcase like you doing in a place like astoria 1203 - oh good, thank god! So this one is a bit more fun, but it's only got a few disjointed half-scenes so far. The title is actually one of the most literal ones on the list - the fic does take place in Astoria, Queens, and it does involves a certain "nutcase". Several, even. They really don't get along, and then they almost do.
(Blame my recent rewatch of the Netflix shows for this one. Man. What a golden age that was.)
Excerpt under the cut:
It was easy to clock the combat training before, sure, but up close this guy’s… Keyed up. Wild-eyed, a little, and not in the twitchy way of the three idiots piled up outside by the ruined water hydrant, not just sheer adrenaline stoked by fear and booze and coke. More dialed-in, purposefully ruthless. Hungry. Getting up with an expression like an enraged bull in spite of the beating he just took.
Nutcase, Barnes thinks bleakly. Not that he’s in any position to judge — glass houses, all that, but —
“What’re you,” he croaks, “some kind of psycho?”
“Says the guy who just mowed down six guys without blinking." The man spits, grimacing at the blood that lands on the stark white of the rooftop like it personally offends him. If he notices the similar spray across his busted face, his clothes, his military-short hair, he doesn't seem to give a damn. "Nice going, by the way— my man got away."
"And my man's bleeding out on a fucking pool table downstairs," he grits out. He doesn't have time for this. This whole night has been one giant exercise in unpredictability, and the police sirens echoing off in the distance are problem enough without him having to duke it out over and over with some local homicidal moron who might or might not be HYDRA. "You wanna tell me what that's about?"
The man levels an irritated look back at him and then shrugs, dismissive. "I don't play with my food."
"Your food had intel I've been hunting for two weeks."
"Tough shit. Maybe if you hadn't screwed up your goddamn trig—"
His lip curls of its own volition, affronted despite himself. What an appropriate time for his ego to announce it's back from the dead and in the mix. How fun. “The hell I did. I don’t miss.”
"Is that right? There's some real screwed up drywall down there that says otherwise." His voice picks up an edge of something dangerous, aiming for threatening and landing on feral as he takes a step closer, and Jesus, can he stay down already? "Unless you did it on purpose to let him know I'm coming because you work for the bastard, in which case lemme tell you, you and me have a whole different problem."
"I don't work for anybody," he says, probably with more intensity than strictly necessary. "He was a civillian. I don't kill civillians." The words curl acerbic on his tongue. He doesn't. He doesn't.
That, of all things, makes the man laugh, a bitter little thing that sounds like it clawed its way out of his throat, and only barely. Who the fuck is this guy.
"Oh Jesus Christ, not this bullshit again— how many of you assholes are running around this place, huh?" he says, gesturing a little wildly at him. "You got a fancy catsuit under that hobo getup, too?"
It's Barnes' turn to look at him like he's a few marbles short, which judging by all evidence he very well might be. The guy snorts at his confusion, shaking his head. "If you consider that criminal piece of dog shit a civilian, you’re way more out of your depth than I thought, kid.”
but also:
“Self-righteous, God's sacrificial lamb type-of-shit," he mumbles around the mouthful with distaste, staring off across the bridge. "Got himself a stupid fucking title and everything, if you can believe that. Major pain in my ass.”
Barnes hums, considering, before taking a cautious bite of his own sandwich. The thick pile of fatty meat and melted cheese breaks apart in his mouth easy with a sudden, almost overwhelming explosion of flavours, his empty stomach singing praises despite the ache in his bruised jaw as he chews.
He never thought he’d say this, but god bless Queens. “Catholic?”
Castle grunts an affirmative.
“Yeah, I have some experience with that.”
#thanks for the ask<3#one of these days I will learn how to make these normal length. not today though lol enjoy!#booksandabeer#tag game#my fic#asks#wip tag game
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Dealer ch6
First of Wow. Second of I'm sorry I am a bit late I've been a bit busy but read it as soon as I could. So let's get into it🤭
It was so thrilling, the action and the suspense is amazing. You have me on the edge of my seat every time and this time was no different.
The flashback for jin was truly amazing. I loved the way you introduced it and after I read that I had to put my phone down for a second. It was so well written and it litteraly gave me chills.
I really like your writing style, you always get me sucked into the story and then I can't put my phone down and I can't stop reading. You always have just enough and just to little info and details to keep me on the edge of my seat and to keep me wanting more and more. I can not get enough.
I am really curious to know more about jungkook's backstory. Because when yoongi threw him against the wall he didn't react much. And there have been a few other scenes where you make it know that he doesn't show much emotion. So I'm curious why that is.
Also even though he was not mentioned this chapter, I am still rooting for jimin to join them.
Ow ow and I want yn to kick zeke his ass. I want her to become a full on badass and take revenge on him with yoongi by her side to support her and teach her some fighting and shooting. That would be so cool.
Sorry for my rant I will end it here😅.
Well if it wasn't obvious yet I really love this series, I really loved the chapter and I still think you shoul write a book😁
Thank you for this chapter, I can't wait for the next one (but I will, so take all the time you need) and lots of love😘
DON'T EVER APOLOGIZE! I'm so glad you even take the time out of your day to read it, please don't ever feel like there's a time requirement to read it! It's on the internet forever, so you can read it whenever you like or are able to :))))
JIN'S FLASHBACK GAVE YOU CHILLS???? Damn, I knew that scene was good, but you always find a way to inflate my ego :))
I loved writing that scene, I mean obviously it's terrible and heartbreaking but I've had the idea for it since I started character mapping, and the more I wrote his character, the more it kind of developed on it's own.
And thank you so much, I try my best now to give as little answers while still keeping the questions relevant, I used to write just whatever was on the top of my head, but now that I think through and map out where I want stories to go before I start writing them, I find it's a lot easier to hold that suspense in place, you know?
And both Jungkook and Taehyung have very interesting personalities, and I'm very happy about that. I feel like a lot of fic's (no shade, because it's definitely something every writer has done, myself included) don't really put a lot of thought or depth into anyone but the protagonist and main love interest, but I really wanted them to all have full stories and complex personalities, so the actions they took to help y/n made sense, and wasn't just something thrown together for the sake of the story.
But Jungkook is very interesting, and I'm so glad you're curious to know more!
There will definitely be a Y/n kicks Zeke's ass scene. There's no way around it, she's a badass and he's a lil bitch and there's genuinely no way I could finish this story without that taking place.
Good thing about my new job is that I quite literally have upwards of 6 hours of downtime a night, and so far, I take turns between reading and writing, so I should be uploading more often than I have been in the past!
The next chapter is already mapped out and half written, though tbh I might rewrite it because I'm not in love with it, but with that being said I don't see a reason I shouldn't have it ready to upload within the next week or two!!
Have a lovely day, I hope you're doing well :))))
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New You (2k words, trans girl Marie)
Since it’s Marie’s day, here’s an old piece I wrote back in 2019! For all of the trans Marie fans out there. 💚
External links: [Google Docs], [AO3]
Warnings: None. Appropriate for all ages.
Description: Callie and Marie are preparing for their first performance together as the Squid Sisters, and Marie is nervous from more than just stage fright; it's also her first time coming out to the world as Marie.
-----
"I'm really nervous, Callie."
Marie stared at her reflection in the mirror and adjusted the little ring-shaped hat clipped to the side of her head for the dozenth time. Was her mantle too messy? She quickly ran a brush through to try and smooth the ink out again – it was almost lucky her tentacles were as short as they were, or else she probably would have wrung them dry by now with how anxious she was.
Her cousin stood beside her playing with an anemone doll that she'd brought along, somehow relaxed and upbeat in spite of all Marie's worrying. The two were getting ready for their first public performance together as singers, and Callie had spent the past half-hour helping her keep her cool as the big moment got closer and closer. Marie couldn't understand how she wasn't also losing her cool, but then, it had been Callie's idea to sign up for the Inkopolis Youth Folk-Singing Contest in the first place.
"You're gonna do great, Marie!" Callie insisted. "Look, Miss Zoantha says so, too!" She scooted her doll across the table in front of them and began cheering, in a voice that sounded nothing like the cartoon character she was imitating, "Go Marie! Marie is super cool! She's the best cousin on the whole planet!"
Marie couldn't help but crack a smile, both at her cousin's goofiness and at hearing the name she'd chosen for herself used so readily. "Zoantha doesn't even have a cousin," she said, fidgeting with the sleeve of her yukata. She looked back up at the face in the mirror – at the young girl in front of her with her eyebrows trimmed down, her mantle styled to be as feminine as such short tentacles would allow, her mask decorated with fake lashes just like her cousin's. "Um… hey, Cal?"
Callie stopped parading the doll around and looked up; she knew the sound of unshakeable worry in Marie's voice. "What's up, Marie?"
"What if they don't think I'm a girl?" Marie asked. Her eyes were turned downward, her hands clasped nervously in her lap. Even more than the thought of singing in front of hundreds of people, this was the part of the contest that made her the most anxious: it was her first time being a girl around anyone other than Callie.
"They will!" Callie nodded confidently. "And they'll think you're a super pretty girl, 'cause that's what you are! Promise!" She leaned in to give Marie an awkward chair hug, and Marie returned it hesitantly.
"Do you really think I look pretty?" Marie hadn't been able to stop fiddling with every part of her look since the moment they'd been brought backstage to wait for their performance. She knew that the way she looked would be cute on another girl, but every little issue she noticed and struggled to fix made it a bit harder to be confident that it would look good on her.
"Uh, duh," Callie said, not missing a beat. "We're matching! I'm pretty, and you look like me but green, so that means you're pretty but green! It's like the transitive property like my big brother told me about. I think."
Marie giggled and pulled away from the embrace to look herself over again. It was true, they could almost pass for alternate versions of each other; if Marie had been born with the same near-black ink that Callie had instead of her own silvery-white tentacles, it probably wouldn't have been hard to convince people they were twin sisters. That was even the name they'd chosen to perform under, the Squid Sisters – "That way people will know for sure that we're both girls!" had been Callie's pitch.
Marie took a deep breath, counted to ten, and exhaled. "Okay," she said at last. "I think… I can do it. I think."
"That's the spirit!" Callie nudged her shoulder. "Hold on, lemme go get Gramps!" With no hesitation, she ran off, weaving through the crowd of other children and their parents all getting ready to perform, then disappearing out the door across the room. Their grandfather lived in Inkopolis, and he had been the one to bring them to the contest when both of the girls' parents were too busy to make the two-hour trip into the city. Callie had insisted on him waiting outside while they got ready, though, so that Marie wouldn't be any more anxious than she already was about presenting as a girl.
While she waited on Callie to return, Marie decided to try hyping herself up as much as she could. She locked eyes with her reflection, leaned in over the vanity table as much as she could, and put on a confident glare. "You can do this, Marie. You've got this. Just like Callie said." She spent several minutes there, repeating quiet self-affirmations to herself, until Callie ran back into the room shortly after, slowed down by the elderly man she pulled by the hand behind her.
"Gramps, Gramps, look! We styled our tentacles all by ourselves and everything!" Callie announced proudly as she reached Marie's chair, running up beside her and bouncing excitedly in place. Marie turned away from the mirror and hopped down from the seat to stand beside her cousin, much more timid in her demeanor. "What do you think? Do we look super fresh?"
Gramps chuckled at his granddaughter's enthusiasm, taking a moment to adjust the old sailor's cap he wore now that he'd gotten a chance to slow down. "You look very fresh, both of you. But uh…" He turned his gaze toward Marie, and she felt her chest tighten as he examined her appearance. "What's with the makeup on you, kiddo? Did your cousin rope you into letting her give you a makeover again?"
"I, um..." Marie felt the confidence boost she'd had moments before slipping away, and her mouth went dry as she tried to find the words she wanted. How could she explain that she wasn't a grandson anymore, but a granddaughter just like Callie? And would their grandfather be okay with it? Would he let her go on-stage looking the way she knew she wanted to?
Callie noticed her hesitation and stepped in front of her defensively, puffing her chest up as if in defiance of their only chaperone. "Her name is Marie and she's a girl and I did her makeup because she wanted to look pretty, and if you don't like it then I'll beat you up!" she proclaimed – just a bit too loudly, as Marie noticed some of the others in the room turn their attention to them and felt herself shrinking emotionally just a tiny bit more with each second they stared. Her anxiety wasn't always the biggest fan of her cousin's natural boisterousness.
There was a moment where neither side said anything, and the onlookers quickly lost interest and went back to their own concerns. Gramps doffed his hat and scratched the back of his head as he processed the new information. "I see… Do your parents know about this?" He looked past Callie to give Marie a quizzical look, fishing around for something in the pocket of his denim shorts.
"Um… n-no," she answered quietly. "Are you going to tell them?" She watched his hand; was he reaching for his cell phone? It was the knowledge that her parents wouldn't be able to attend the show that had given Marie the confidence to present feminine for once – she felt a pang of dread that they might find out anyway before she'd even gotten to perform.
"Hmm?" Gramps cocked his head to the side. "'Course not, kiddo. If you haven't told 'em yet yerself, it's not my business to do it for ya." From his pocket he pulled a small, beat-up notebook and pencil, opening the notebook to a particular page and scribbling something out. "Just gotta update my Squidmas shopping list. It wouldn't make much sense to buy a bunch of boy's clothes for my newest granddaughter, would it?"
Marie's eyes widened slowly. Still huddled behind her cousin, she beamed up at her grandfather, all the anxiety of coming out to him (or, rather, having Callie come out for her) being washed away by elation. Here was the first person to learn she was a girl other than Callie, and he had accepted her as readily as he'd accept learning that she had a new favorite color. He evidently noticed, as he reached down to ruffle her tentacles before giving her a big hug. "As long as my granddaughters are both happy, that's all that matters to me," he assured her.
Callie joined in – she took any opportunity she could get to hug people – but after a moment another thought seemed to strike her. "Heyyy, wait a minute," she started, looking up at Gramps. "Gramps, are you buying us clothesfor Squidmas again?"
The old man laughed. "Maybe not, maybe so. I don't want to make Father Squidmas angry by spoiling it, now do I?" Callie just pouted and crossed her arms; she'd been asking constantly for a seapony, and Gramps was the one holdout in the family who still hadn't given a definitive no to that request.
Her protests were stopped early by a tall, energetic inkling woman stepping into the backstage area. She had a clipboard in one hand and was going down a list written on it. "Let's see, let's see… next up is the Squid Sisters, from Calamari County! Squid Sisters, are you here?"
Callie quickly turned and jumped up to get the woman's attention, waving her hands excitedly. "Over here! We're the Squid Sisters!" She stopped bouncing, glanced back at Gramps behind her, then added, "This old guy isn't a Squid Sister, he's just our gramps." A few others in the room laughed at the comment, Gramps included.
"Well, come on over, Squid Sisters. You're performing right after the current group." The woman extended a hand as Callie approached with Marie close behind, and they both shook it politely. "My name is Miss Eventide, but you can call me Miss Tide. I love your yukatas, by the way!"
"Thanks!" Callie grinned.
"Thank you," Marie added, more bashfully.
Miss Eventide went over what to do when it was their turn to perform – wait until their names were announced, take the stage, introduce themselves, and then the music would start – and then rushed off to go help manage some other part of the show. Before the girls could leave for the sidestage to get ready, Gramps walked over to join them once again.
"You two do your best out there, alright?" He patted them both on the back, gesturing out toward where the stage was with his bamboo cane. "I'm gonna be right there in the audience cheering you two on. I know you'll do great."
"Yeah! We're gonna do awesome!" Callie cheered. "Especially you, Marie!"
Marie smiled and lifted her head. Nervous as she still was, she was beginning to feel more confident in herself – both in her ability to go out there and sing for an audience, and in her ability to be seen as a girl while she did it. Tonight wouldn't just be her first night as a singer; it would be her first night as Marie, and she knew that no matter what happened, she had the support of her cousin and her grandfather to back her up.
"We're both going to be great," she agreed, nodding her head. Gramps smiled and turned to leave and join the audience outside.
"That's the way to be," he said. "Break a fin out there, you two. And remember – stay fresh!"
"Stay fresh!" Callie and Marie both cheered back at him, and then both giggled at the catchphrase they had come up with together.
The girls headed through the door and into the sidestage, both of them with their heads held high. As her cousin smiled beside her, Marie could feel in her heart that things were going to go well for her. This was the start of the Squid Sisters, the start of a happier life, the start of Marie. It was her very own fresh start, and no matter how their performance went, nothing was going to take it from her.
#splatoon#marie#callie#cap'n cuttlefish#tidal writing#pepperpost#the backstory for this fic is that i wrote it in two hours while waiting for a flight#funny enough it seems to be my most popular splatoon writing so far
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Safe Haven: tfatws!Bucky Barnes x fem!reader - Chapter One
Chapter One: The Other Wilson Sister - chapter two
Series Masterlist
Plot: Y/n grew up with Sam and Sarah Wilson in the bayou of Delacroix. During the Blip she stayed with Sarah to help run the family business. With Sam back and trying to save the day, Y/n’s perfect opportunity to confess her long-kept secret to her best friend presents itself.
Warnings: tfatws ep.1 spoilers, language, suicide mention, undertones of racism, lots of Wilson sibling arguments, tragic backstory
Word Count: 5.9k
A/N: As I wrote this first chapter out I realized it’s most definitely also a Sam Wilson x platonic fic. Bucky doesn’t come in till next chapter but rest assured, it’s gonna be a wild ride...Also I didn’t know till now how difficult it is to plan out a series in its entirety when the show isn’t completed lol. Hope you enjoy! (I may or may not change the title depending on how I feel about it later today lol)
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Delacroix, LA 2024
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One of the only things I was certain of in life was that blood didn’t make a family.
I had no official tie to Wilson family, I wasn’t a daughter or some distant cousin sent to live with them. We shared no DNA and they had no reason to love me as much as they did. But throughout my life I had known no kinder people than them and I doubted that would change. As I stood on the family boat helping to unload the catch of the day, I thought of how our corner of the Louisiana bayou felt more like home than any place I’d ever been.
“Hey,” Sarah said from the dock, “Head out of the clouds and down here helping me.”
“Sorry,” I shook myself out of my thoughts and hopped off the boat, “Not a bad catch if you ask me.”
Sarah sighed as she bent over a large bucket of fish, “It could’ve been better.”
I came to stand in front of her and held my hands out for a bucket, “Take the wins where you can get ‘em, Sar. Lord knows we don’t get enough of them.”
Sarah Wilson was the only superhero I’d ever aspire to be like. She was a widow who had raised two kids and run a business all by herself with no family for support. The past five years had been challenging with so many people gone and while I had moved in with her to help however I could, I could take no credit. She was one of the strongest women I’d ever known.
“You had that look on your face again,” she said as we worked.
“What look?”
“That look that lets me know you were thinking real hard about something,” Sarah imitated the expression in question by thinning her eyes slightly and furrowing her brows, “Like this.” I laughed heartily at her impression, “So what was it?”
I gazed out at the bayou waters before turning to the boat and finally Sarah, “Family.”
She nudged me with her hip, something we’d done when we were young and an affectionate gesture we’d carried into adulthood. A half hour went by with us and the boys unloading and sorting the fish we’d caught. I was too wrapped up in the task to notice the sound of a vehicle approaching until AJ and Cass announced the arrival.
“Blue for the snapper, orange for the whitefish.”
“Uncle Sam!”
My head shot up upon hearing his name, as did Sarah’s. I used my hand as a visor against to sun to spot the familiar rusted truck parked a few hundred feet away, with my best friend standing outside it hugging his nephews.
“That’s right, Uncle Sam,” Sarah called, “You’re back early.”
I grinned as I shucked my gloves off and made a beeline for him, slamming my body into his for a tight embrace. It had been a few weeks since I’d seen him, having spent the only weekend he was off away, and I’d naturally been worried sick about him. My best friend and un-biological brother may have been an Avenger for years, but after losing him in the Blip I didn’t think I’d ever stop worrying about him.
“Every time I come home, you act like I’ve been gone for five years,” he joked over my shoulder, resulting in me pulling away and slapping his bicep.
“Not even a little funny,” I pointed a finger in his smug face, he slung an arm around my neck as we walked over to Sarah.
“What’s goin’ on? You got Mom’s sneaky look on your face.”
“How you gonna try to read me when you know I’m the one that reads you?” Sam smiled, passing by and greeting a long time customer of ours.
“That look is permanently glued to his face, Sar,” I chuckled, “I learned that in grade school.”
Sam shook his head at me and laughed before making his way up the dock to the Wilson family boat. “You gotta marvel at it, baby’s being held together by duct tape and prayers.”
I leaned into Sarah, “Are you telling him or am I?”
She took the initiative, “It just needs to float long enough for me to sell it.”
“I thought we were gonna discuss if we were selling it,” Sam replied as he helped unload another bucket of fish.
“We did, and then you were off fighting Doctor Space Cape or whatever while we,” Sarah gestured between us, “Were holdin’ it together for five long years. Now that the world is going back to normal, this thing’s gotta go.”
Sam looked to me with a look of displeasure, “Were you in on this?”
“Don’t drag me into this,” I waved my hands as if wiping my involvement away, “This is a Wilson sibling discussion.”
“Uh-uh,” Sam called me out, wagging his finger, “Don’t do that. Dad said every chance he got that you were one of his own, you’ve got a say in this too. What is it?”
I scrunched my face up, dreading the argument that was knocking on our door, “It’s dead weight, Sam. The money we could get for it would be enough to keep us comfortable for a little longer without having to worry.”
“We grew up on this thing. It’s not just Mom and Dad’s name on it. This thing is a part of our family.”
I sighed as Sarah stepped forward, “You know the situation we’re in. This is why I prefer not to dwell on it in front of everybody.”
“Well what if we don’t need to sell it?” Sam said.
“Can we talk about this in private?” I suggested, tiring of having to convince Sam that we were in the right when he hadn’t been around to witness our struggles.
A long time friend of ours called out to Sam and he willingly took the distraction, opting out of having the inevitable difficult conversation. Sarah and I trudged back, totes of fish in hand and tried to get through the rest of the work day without worrying if we were approaching our last.
————
During golden hour, when the clock had struck five and we’d started packing it up for the day was the only time to get Sam to actually listen. I knew how much the boat meant to him, it meant something to us all, but he wasn’t living in the reality that Sarah and I were.
“Sam, the boat’s gotta go,” Sarah finally said, breaking the silence we were working in on the vessel.
“Wait-“
“No, let me finish,” she said, “Y/n and I are doin’ everything I can to keep this business afloat and every day we’re making $5 and spending $10.”
Sam looked between the two of us, “So why won’t you let me help?”
“Sam, don’t…” I winced, knowing Sarah’s reaction would be strong.
“No, don’t start with that. We made a deal before Daddy died,” Sarah carried a few buckets to the center of the deck, “You’re out there, I do things my way here. Y/n agreed to it too when she went off to school.”
“Right, but you tangled the house into this when you took those loans,” Sam finished tying off one of the ropes, turning around and giving Sarah the perfect opportunity to punch his chest, “Forgot how hard you hit.”
I sighed as I passed him by to follow Sarah, “Low blow, you deserved it.”
“Sarah, Y/n, c’mon,” he chased after us, “Look, and don’t hit me again…What if you had money to fix it up? Make it nice so you can charter it when you’re not out working the waters?”
“Sam, do you think this was an easy decision for us?” I faced him, leaning against the doorway next to him, “I tried every tactic I learned in business school and got nowhere. Anything I thought up, we needed more money to do. This is our only option.”
As he always did with the things he cared about, he fought. “We can take a loan and consolidate everything, it’ll take down your monthly,” he looked confused as he watched Sarah laugh, “What?”
“You think I didn’t try the banks? They’re in with all that big business now.”
I followed them like the little sister I’d always been as they moved their fight towards the cockpit of the boat. Sam blocked another doorway, “Yeah, but now you have me.”
“Don’t, Sam,” Sarah shook her head, “I just got good with this.”
“All right…”
“Maybe it is time for us to move on,” Sarah sighed.
“Either way, just let me help,” Sam offered, “I’ll set the appointment. Look, I won’t let you guys down. We can turn this shit around. Trust me.”
I peered over at Sarah, wishing I could see the calculations going on in her brain. It seemed pointless, but any shot at changing our luck was an avenue worth pursuing.
“It can’t hurt to try,” I shrugged.
Sarah finally relented, “To the rescue, huh?”
“Always,” Sam smiled, “Now, let’s get some dinner. I’m hungry.”
————
Sarah was taking AJ and Cass back home while Sam and I took his truck to go pick up food.
“So how was Tunisia?” I asked, sticking my hand out the window and letting it rise and fall with the wind.
“Hot, but the mission went well,” he answered, looking out of the corner of his eyes at me, “And that’s all you need to know.”
I snickered, “C’mon, it’s our thing. I ask you detailed questions about your confidential missions, you tell me you can’t reveal anything, I keep asking…You’ve gotta honor tradition.”
“I flew, I fought, I rescued. Boom, mission explained.”
“Ugh, you’re impossible, Wilson,” I waved him off, “How was the museum dedication?”
The atmosphere changed as the subject of conversation changed from easy to complicated. “It was nice to see Steve’s accomplishments celebrated. Got to see Rhodes which was nice…”
“You’re avoiding a red white and blue topic,” I said, trying to coax his true feelings out of their shells, “Seriously, are you really okay with this? Giving up the shield?”
Sam inhaled deeply and exhaled, gathering his thoughts. “I don’t think it was ever meant to end up in my hands. I did the right thing, it belongs with Steve and the museum is the closest to Steve I can get.”
I respected my friend’s choice but I knew there was so much more to his decision and I wished he would just say it. He had an enormous amount of respect for Steve Rogers and what the shield represented, but Steve Rogers never had to face the issues that Sam Wilson did. Steve Rogers could follow a government and be respected in return with no problems whatsoever. Sam Wilson couldn’t, not always. There was an elephant in the room and if neither of us wanted to talk about it, I wouldn’t push it.
“You’d have looked good in that uniform though,” I smiled as we turned into the take out place’s parking lot.
“Damn right,” Sam waggled his eyebrows and unbuckled his seatbelt. Laughter rang out in the truck sending me on waves of nostalgia. The memories that me and him had in this truck still were infamous between us. As proud as I was of the Falcon’s heroics, I was prouder to call Sam Wilson my best friend.
————
Just as he’d promised, Sam made the appointment with the banker. He and Sarah were already on their way as I made the hour long drive in the opposite direction to New Orleans. I’d told them I’d be back in the evening to discuss how it went, but I had my own appointment to keep.
Sam and I had met back when we were just a couple of first graders. I’d always struggled with making friends as a kid, but Sam never had an issue when it came to connecting with others. It was one of his strongest qualities. And so he used his gift on his desk neighbor, the loneliest kid in class, and pulled her out of herself. We were inseparable until college and adulthood forced us apart, but we’d never lost our bond. Even when he was a pararescue, he wrote to me as often as his work allowed him.
All the Wilsons had taken a liking to me after Sam brought me home one day after school to watch cartoons. Darlene had told me I was welcome to come over any time I wanted, an offer Sam and I accepted till I became a permanent fixture in their house. Paul and his wife had frequently tried to get the rest of my family over for a crawfish boil or a barbecue. They’d send me every few weeks with a verbal invitation to my parents and the next day I’d always come back with a polite decline and excuse as to why we couldn’t make it. Mom was busy with spring cleaning, Melanie had a recital, Dad was feeling under the weather…
The only one that had ever been true was about my dad not feeling well. He was never well. But as a child, how do you explain that your father is a ghost around his own home who drinks himself to sleep and wakes up each night screaming from nightmares? There was no polite way to phrase circumstances that dark. Sometimes I felt like my dad had never returned from the military and though there hadn’t been a war at the time of his service, he still came back with his share of trauma. Mom did everything she could to try and help him. She found support groups for veterans, she took him to the best psychiatrists, she created a safe space for him within our home to retreat to. There was no amount of help that could kill my father’s demons and that was proven the night he’d said we were out of milk and he was going to the store. A few hours later, with my sister and I fast asleep upstairs, my worried mother answered the door and was informed by the police that my father had crashed his car and was dead. After speaking to Mom about what his mood had been like before he’d left and if he suffered from any mental illnesses, it was ruled as an undoubtable suicide.
My mother didn’t get much time to mourn after the funeral, she had two children to provide for. She took three jobs just to earn enough to move us from our house in New Orleans to a dingy apartment in Delacroix by the bayou. When the Wilsons heard that Mom needed to scrape enough money in the budget to hire a baby-sitter for me and Melanie, they put a stop to her efforts immediately. The insisted that Mel and I would be happier spending the time my mom was working with them and their kids rather than a stranger. That was how the Wilsons and the Y/l/ns had ended up so tightly knit. While Sarah and Melanie had bonded as the older sisters and were often off doing their own thing, Sam and I caused havoc of our own in classic younger sibling fashion. By the time we were in high school, both parents called the other’s children their own.
When Paul and Darlene passed away, it was incredibly hard on all of us and it was equal when Mom had a fall and the doctors suggested she move into a facility. Sam, Sarah and I had worked hard to get her into one of the best nursing homes in the city and she hadn’t stopped raving about how much she loved it. Pulling into the parking lot was like muscle memory now, I never missed a weekend visit with her. This one was special because Melanie, her husband and brood of children had come too. I grabbed my visitor’s sticker at the front desk and made my way down the familiar hallways. The sound of laughter and cooing echoed out of my mom’s room, bringing a smile to my face.
I knocked on the door and heads turned, my nieces and nephews being the quickest. “Aunt Y/n!”
I embraced Sophia and Max tightly, “The twin tornados! I missed you guys,” separating from them was difficult as they clung to me but I made it to Stephan, giving him a kiss on the cheek and doing the same to Mel, “You look hot, mama.”
“I certainly don’t feel it,” she remarked as she cradled their newest addition, baby Alexandra, close to her chest, “I spend more hours of the day covered in glitter glue and spit up than you could imagine.”
“You wear it all well,” I patted her shoulder before coming to my mother’s bedside and hugging her, “Hi, Mom.”
“Hi, sweetheart,” she kissed both of my cheeks and looked to the door, “Sarah and Sam couldn’t come?”
“No, but they send their love. They had an appointment at the bank,” I set down my purse and pulled up a chair, “We’re trying to get approved for a small business loan.”
Glen took Alexandra from Mel so she could tend to the twins, “I wish we could help out, Y/n. I’ve looked at the budget over and-“
It warmed my heart that my brother-in-law cared so much about a problem that wasn’t his to bear. “Glen,” I held up a hand, “You guys are stretched thin enough. This isn’t me asking for charity, it’s our problem and Sam’s confidant we’ll find a fix.”
“How does he have enough time to be a member of the Air Force, an Avenger and save the family business?” Mel asked.
“Well, the Avengers are kind of off doing their own thing right now from what I understand and he’s home for a little while from the Air Force,” I explained, “So his main job at the moment is to get us our funding and annoy the snot out of me while doing it.”
After earning some giggles from Sophia and Max at the expression, Glen announced that they were going to go and grab lunch for everybody. My mom took my hand once it was just the two of us and I settled into my seat, “How are you, sweetheart?”
“Hanging in there,” I sighed, running a hand through my hair, “Tired, stressed, I smell like fish most of the time…We need this loan or else we’re going to have to sell the boat. You should’ve seen Sam’s face when Sarah told him…”
“I’m sorry, I know how much that boat means to you kids. I could’ve offered you the moon and stars and it still wouldn’t have been enough to get you off it.”
I smiled at the memories of summer nights spent laying on the deck stargazing, dance parties on the stern and early mornings spent with Mr. Wilson teaching us how to fish. A childhood with so much sadness had also contained so many joys. To part with a tangible one killed me more than I’d let on to Sam.
Sensing that the topic was making me emotional, my mother was kind enough to change it. “How are things otherwise? Have you been getting out there?”
I dropped my head back dramatically and groaned, “Mom…”
“I’m just saying,” she dropped my hand and held up hers in surrender, “You should get out there, meet someone. There’s no shame in trying those online dating services. What’s the one…the…Tinder?”
“Oh my gosh, Mom,” I buried my face in my hands and moved my fingers so she could only see my eyes, “Please stop talking.”
“You know who I ran into the other day? Jack’s mom, from high school. She lives just down the next hallway, she says that he’s still single. You could get in touch with him.”
“Y’know, for a woman who advocated for her daughters to lead such independent lives, you’re sure quick to try and marry us off,” I chuckled, “The second Mel started dating Glen you were practically booking the church.”
“And I’m very proud of both my girls for being such strong young women,” she smiled proudly, “But finding love doesn’t mean losing your independence so long as you’re with the right man. I love that you’ve been helping out Sarah these last few years but honey…I see how lonely you are. In those big y/e/c eyes you think I still can’t read after all these years.”
The y/e/c eyes in question started to fill with sadness at hearing my pain verbalized. It was true, I was lonely. More so than I would ever let on to anybody. I was a shy enough kid who only withdrew further after Dad passed away, that kind of introversion wasn’t one that you outgrew. But I’d given up the idea of finding someone to spend my life with a long time ago for a bevy of reasons.
“Sometimes it’s better to be alone, Mama,” I nodded as if to force myself to agree with my statement, “No chances of getting hurt…or hurting somebody.”
“You couldn’t hurt somebody even if you tried,” my mom argued sweetly, “You couldn’t even kill spiders when you were a kid.”
“And now there’s a Spiderman out there so I’m glad I didn’t,” I shot back with a laugh.
“I’m serious, honey,” she took my hand once again, “Don’t let your heart’s wounds keep you from finding someone who could help soothe them.”
I was convinced my mother was both a poet and a therapist at some point in her life, she gave advice in the most beautifully phrased way. And while I’d loved to have taken her words to heart, tell Mel to fix me up with one of Glen’s friends and put an end to my loneliness, I feared that I was just too broken to give love to someone.
————
I arrived back home late, shedding my boots and bag at the doors. I’d expected to hear a triumphant chorus of Sam shouting ‘WHO DA MAN?’ as he typically would when heroically proving me and Sarah wrong, but there was only silence. When I walked into the kitchen and saw their glum faces, it wasn’t hard to guess the outcome of the meeting. “You’re kidding me…”
“Said that things had tightened up,” Sam said, leaning against one side of the island and taking a swig of his beer, “Had the balls to ask me for a picture afterwards.”
I groaned and grabbed the beer bottle Sarah had extended to me, “Okay, we’re out of options. It’s time to move forward-“
“Don’t say it…” Sam tiredly warned.
“Someone has to, Sam. We can’t keep searching for solutions when the right one is sitting out on our dock,” I gestured to the window that looked out on the road we took each day to work.
Sarah set her beer down and held her hands up in surrender, “I’m not having this argument again tonight, I’m going to bed. If you’re gonna kill each other, do it quietly.”
She left as me and Sam silently stared each other down, waiting for the other to speak. I was too frustrated to play the game, “What’s this really about?”
“It’s about the damn boat and that you and Sarah are throwing in the towel too-“
“What,” I elongated the single syllable word, “Is this really about?”
Sam set his drink down and rubbed his hands over his head before looking back up at me helplessly, “You guys were on your own for five years and you’ve done an amazing job. But now nothing’s working and I just…I just want to help because I couldn’t for so long.”
It all clicked as to why Sam was being so insistent on trying to eliminate the whole matter. He was used to saving the day and finally meeting one that he couldn’t save was a wall he thought he could still find a way to run through. He’d been like that ever since we were kids, always trying to help the people he loved even when it was impossible. He had the biggest heart of anyone I’d ever met.
“I love you,” I set down my bottle and crossed the island to come next to him and wrap my arms around his shoulders, “But this may be one problem that the Falcon can’t swoop in and fix. The Avengers work hard, but a business graduate helping to run a struggling seafood business works harder,” I succeeded in getting him to crack a smile, “Believe me, I’ve run all the numbers and consulted with anyone who would listen. The boat’s gotta go.”
“Yeah, well, humor me and give me a little while longer.”
“Fine, a couple more days,” I grabbed my beer once again and clinked it against his, “But it’s not my fault if Sarah smacks you again.”
Sam laughed, slung an arm around my neck and kissed my temple. “You coming up soon?”
“Yeah, I’ll be up in a few minutes,” I answered, watching as he finished his drink before leaving the kitchen and heading upstairs. Once I’d heard his bedroom door open and close, I exited out to the back porch. I took in the late night sounds of the bayou, the crickets chirping and the wind rustling trees had always soothed me. I wished they could touch what I was feeling right now, but the noise didn’t do a thing to drown out my worry. For the business I feared we may lose, for Sam as he ran himself ragged trying to help and for myself and what him and Sarah would think of me once I confessed the secret I’d kept from them for so long.
I held out my hand and watched as the blue energy flowed from my fingertips. Would Sam ever forgive me for not telling him I had powers?
They had manifested when I was young, my parents said. I couldn’t remember a day where my body hadn’t produced a magical energy that when harnessed incorrectly could be destructive. It had been a sad day for my mother’s garden when I’d discovered that bit…According to her, she’d wanted to take me to a school for people like me run by a man named Charles Xavier but my father had said no immediately. He’d been so insistent on keeping my powers a secret that my mother said she’d only seen that type of fear in his eyes when he had a war flashback. So I was instructed to never show my powers to anyone under any circumstances and I’d done just that. I’d thought about revealing them in 2012 after the Battle of New York, but my dad’s fear rang in my ears. Three years later when Sam became an Avenger was when I began to feel guilty that I was keeping a secret from him. I’d wanted to join him and find somewhere where I didn’t feel so out of place, but I’d decided against it again. Now with their team so broken and Sam off with the Air Force, I’d finally gathered the courage to confide in him and Sarah. I should have done it six months ago, but I’d chickened out too many times. Tomorrow, I decided. Tomorrow was the day. But would they still see me the same way once I showed them?
————
The next morning, after dressing and running over what I wanted to say three times, I hesitantly headed downstairs to face the music. With there being nobody in the kitchen, I followed the sounds of the television to find Sarah and Sam staring at the screen intently. I stood to the side of the room and watched a suited man give a speech out front of a government building.
“We need someone to inspire us again, someone who can be a symbol for all of us. So, on behalf of the Department of Defense and our Commander-in-Chief, it is with great honor that we announce here today that the United States of America has a new hero. Join me in welcoming your new Captain America.”
My jaw slackened as a man marched out in front of the gathered press, dressed in a variation of Steve Rogers’ patriotic uniform and carrying the iconic shield. The shield that had only weeks ago sat upstairs in Sam’s bedroom in a case. I dragged my gaze away from the screen to look at my best friend, hunched over in his seat with his eyes shut in sorrow. Sarah looked just as distraught, her eyes trained on her brother as well. We waited in silence until the breaking news broadcast switch back to regularly scheduled programming before Sarah switched the box off.
“I thought you said it was going to stay in the museum,” I finally spoke, my voice choked with emotion.
“It was supposed to,” Sam ground out, his grip on his own hands tightening. Without any warning, he rose from his seat and left the room. My instinct was to follow him and try to comfort him, but there was nothing I could say to ease the deep pain he was feeling. I wasn’t even sure I could form words that weren’t doused in raw shock. The two things I was sure of were that a) the government had fucked up royally and b) now was definitely not the time to tell Sam about my powers.
————
It was a few days later and Sam still hadn’t spoken much to Sarah and I about the situation. It was unnatural for Sam to suffer in silence especially around us, but we both gave him the space he needed.
I was taking laundry to AJ and Cass’ room and had to pass by Sam’s, surprised to see him packing a bag. “Thought you were sticking around.”
“Something big came up,” he replied as he set a stack of t-shirts in his duffle bag, “I need to go check it out.”
I leaned against his doorway, “Air Force big or Avengers big?”
“The second one.”
“And you’re going by yourself?” I asked with raised eyebrows.
Sam looked over his shoulder at me finally, “Don’t have anybody to else to call. Besides, I can handle myself.”
I hummed in response before setting down the stack of laundry, an idea forming in my head that could solve both of our problems. I folded my hands together and dug my feet into the carpet, “What if you didn’t have to go by yourself?”
He looked confused, “What are you talking about?”
My folded hands began to make circles in the air as I struggled for the right words, “What if I came with you?”
“What, like take your family to work day something?” Sam scoffed, “That’d be fun.”
“I’m serious.”
“Are you crazy? Of course you can’t come.”
“Hear me out,” I looked to his bag and the pair of jeans he had next to fold, “Actually watch.”
He folded his arms and waited for my demonstration. I took a deep breath and extended my hand, forcing my energy outwards to levitate the jeans. “Whoa!” Sam exclaimed as he watched me maneuver the clothing inside his duffle, “W-w-what…What was that?”
I shrugged and pulled my hand back to my side, “The reason why you should take me.”
“How long have you been able to do that?”
“Since I was a kid,” I moved out of the doorway and closed the door, the last thing I needed was AJ and Cass knowing their aunt could move things with her mind, “My parents told me never to tell anybody. I’ve thought about telling you for years since you’re used to this kind of thing but I was scared…Then you were gone and when you came back, life was moving non-stop and I lost my courage. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
Sam stood with his jaw hung for a few seconds before shaking his head back into reality, “Why are you apologizing? You never had to tell me, but I’m glad you did,” he pointed a finger towards me, “But you’re still not going.”
“What are you talking about? I’d be an asset to whatever it is you’re fighting! And I love you but c’mon bird boy, you may be able to fly but I can do it without any tech.”
“Oh, so that’s how you wanna play?” Sam gestured between the two of us, “You think insulting me is the way to get me to let you come?”
“Come on,” I moved to sit on his bed, “Tell me what the problem is and I’ll prove that I can help.”
“Alright, alright,” Sam took a stance in front of me, “You wanted to hear the tea on my missions, I’ll spill it. There’s an online group called the Flag Smashers, their MO is to get the world back to the way it was during the last five years. My military contact, Torres, went undercover in Switzerland when they robbed a bank. Knocked him unconscious when he tried to fight back.”
I balanced my elbows on my knees and tapped a finger against my lip, “So kind of a Robin Hood deal, right? Stealing things from the rich and giving it to the poor. In this case, the poor being those who never disappeared.”
“Exactly, except the guy that knocked Torres out was strong. Too strong. I’m thinking they could be a part of-“
“The big three.”
Sam’s neck snapped back, “How do you know about the big three?”
I shrugged nonchalantly, “The little you do tell me about your avenging always ties back to either androids, aliens or wizards. Though I think you’re being a little dramatic with the term ‘wizard.’”
“Are you seriously gonna correct the guy who’s actually there doing the fighting?”
“Are you seriously gonna deny yourself valuable help against either an alien or an android?”
Sam sighed, I was successfully backing him into a corner. “Can you even fight?”
Extending one hand, I levitated Sam and gently slammed his back into the ceiling before reversing course and lowering him onto the carpet. He moaned as he rolled over to face me, “Could’ve given me a concussion.”
“Maybe that would knock some sense into your head,” I stood and gave him my hand to pull him up, “Sam, I know that I don’t have any experience but I am more than capable of defending myself. I want to actually do something with these powers instead of sitting on my ass. I’d rather do it with you than on my own. Please?”
I watched the cogs in his mind turn through his eyes, I knew he was only fighting this hard because he wanted to keep me safe. But he was in way over his head if he thought it wasn’t worth taking me with. He accepted my hand and stood to his full height, “Pack a bag, we’re leaving for the air base in an hour.”
I smiled and threw my arms around him, “Thank you, you won’t regret this.”
“I’d better not,” he warned, his arms stayed straightened in displeasure of my enthusiasm, “If you take some stupid risk and put yourself in jeopardy, I’m putting your ass on a plane home.”
Quick footsteps could be heard coming down the hallway until the door opened to reveal Sarah, “What was all that noise? It sounded like you were throwing each other into walls.”
“Busy,” I quickly dismissed her, using my energy to shut the door in Sarah’s face from a distance.
“Um,” her muffled voice rang through, “What the hell was that?!”
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Taglist: (open)
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A Happy New Year
[Autobots (mostly Optimus Prime) x Reader]
A/N: Whoa, another fic posted for the day? Right before New Year's? AND it's a Transformers fic? Yeap, you heard me right. This is a Transformers fanfic (and my first one as well). I got obsessed (again) with the giant car transforming robots that I had to write about them. And you know what that means? MORE CHARACTERS AND FANDOM I'M GONNA WRITE ABOUT :D
Anyway, this takes place in the Michael Bay Transformers universe but to be honest, I like the first movie much more than the rest. Also, it's up to you if you see this as a romantic pairing between you and Optimus or a platonic one. But personally, I wrote this as platonic. I just really like Mr. Papa Bot.
“I still don’t get it. Why stay up late and celebrate? It’s just going to be another year and for you humans, another year closer to death.” Ironhide grumbled out as he stared at the nearby city in the distance. There was only an hour or so until the New Year fireworks would go off. You and the Autobots were resting on top of the tallest hill in the desert. After constant beginning and being an annoyance, you finally convinced them to watch the fireworks with you. As of right now, you rested on the rooftop of Optimus’ alternate form, cuddled up in layers of blankets. Rolling your eyes at Ironhide’s pessimism, you looked at him with an unimpressed look. You came here to enjoy some bonding time with your fellow robot comrades, not be dulled down by complaints.
“Quiet, Ironhide. I don’t think [Y/N] would want to be constantly reminded of her short life-span. Let her enjoy the night while it lasts.” The robot truck beneath you slightly rumbled as he spoke. In response, ‘Hide rolled his optics and crossed his big metal arms.
“Yeah, ‘Hide. You gotta stay Optimus-tic!” You laughed out loud as soon as the pun left your mouth. The rest of the ‘Bots groaned at your attempt at a joke, all except for Bumblebee who made slight buzzing sounds as his body shook with laughter. Aye, at least you got one ‘Bot to laugh. It was good enough for you. Optimus’ alternate form then began to shake, indicating for you to get off of him. Once you gathered up your layers of blankets, you hopped off of him and took a couple of steps back as he began transforming into his original form. Then once he was done with his transformation, he offered a lift to his shoulder. You couldn’t help but accept it. I mean, who wouldn’t want to sit upon a giant robot’s shoulder? As you got all comfortable, you checked the time on your phone and almost blinded yourself by the brightness of your phone screen. Who the hell puts their brightness up to the maximum level? Well, you apparently. You were just too lazy to change it once night had fallen.
Anyway, you adjusted the brightness and attempted to check the time once again. Only over 30 minutes to go. During the remaining time, you continued to chit chat with your fellow friends about pretty much any topic. Their backstories, tales of their home, other Autobots, jokes, and much more. Though the weather was freezing, the atmosphere surrounding the group was pretty heart-warming. Everyone seemed to be having a great time, even the Autobot leader himself. Speaking of him, you begin to reminisce the time you first met him and the others. Somehow, you two just connected. While you were much more prone to recklessness than the others, he was your anchor that would keep you grounded and you were the one to calm him down whenever he was feeling stressed out. Whether it be telling hilariously awful jokes or just having a deep conversation with him. The thought of knowing that one day, you two would never see each other again, scared you. It filled you up with dread. Optimus was your best friend and it was much obvious that you two didn’t want to lose each other.
Optimus took notice of your silence after a couple of moments and turned his optics to you. “Hmm, is there something on your mind? You’ve always had that look whenever you think too much.”
You looked up at him and just as you did, you averted your eyes and responded, “It’s nothing much. I was just thinking about the past and all that.” He didn’t reply to your answer and another moment passed by before you continued speaking. Even though it would be a long time for that day of you two parting permanently would come, you still wanted to tell him your gratitude before you end up regretting keeping it a secret.
“Actually, Optimus, I’ve been meaning to tell you something.” You said and looked back at him, successfully grabbing his attention. Here goes nothing. “I...want to let you know that I’m grateful for everything you’ve done. I’m really glad that I met you and the others. You’ve changed my life for the better and...you mean a lot to me. I just needed to get this out there since y’know, ‘Hide is right. We humans don’t have a life-span that’s as stretched out as your kind. I don’t want to end up regretting not telling you before it’s too late. Anyway- um, yeah. Just...thank you.”
You gave him a weak smile and nervously waited for his response to your whole rant. The look on his face showed slight melancholy and worry. There would be a few times where you would be serious since you were quite the jokester. The thought of the day where you two would stop hanging out forever hit him hard in the core. But he shook away from the gloomy thoughts and focused on you. You were still waiting for his response. And so, you got a sincere smile from him and a gentle pat on the head with a single finger.
“[Y/N], thank you for telling me that. Ever since the fortunate day I met you, I’ve never regretted it. You mean a lot to me as much as I mean a lot to you. While it is true that I’ll likely outlive you, that day won’t come for a long time. Until that day comes, I promise with everything within my power that I will protect you. You are one of the Autobots now and we leave no comrade behind, tiny girl.” You chuckled at the nickname and fixed up your hair after it was slightly ruffled from your friend’s gentle head pats. But you tilted your head in confusion after hearing him repress a sigh. “Besides, what happened to being...Optimus-tic?”
Holy shit, he repeated your joke. He repeated YOUR joke that was about his name. That was the first! The repeated joke sent you into a fit of giggles and laughter. Oh man, if only you could record this moment and watch it forever. As your laughter began to be contagious, his body slightly shook as he chuckled. But you stopped when the fireworks in the nearby city flew into the night sky and brightened it up with exploding sparkles. The team looked over and watched the fireworks show in awe. It lasted several minutes and it was beautiful. And another plus, this was the team’s first time witnessing a New Year’s fireworks show and YOU got them to see it. It felt like a big accomplishment. Once it was over, you threw your hands in the air and had the biggest grin on your face.
“Happy New Year!!” You bellowed out.
Ironhide, Ratchet, and Bumblebee cheered on and celebrated while Optimus chuckled once more.
“Happy New Year, [Y/N].”
#transformers x reader#autobots x reader#optimus prime x reader#x reader#optimus prime#ironhide#ratchet#bumblebee#happy new year#transformers
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Lost And Found
An extension of this, to understand the backstory you should read it.
Anon: I would love a scenario for Mori with his little doll who behaves perfect only to try to run away or ask for help when he takes her out shopping, please?
Notes: You win, anon. I was going to write some fluff but then I opened my inbox… and this request triggered the inspiration goblins in my head. Sit back and enjoy this! I wrote it in hcs form so the structure is a bit messy~ On a side note, I have another Mori fic in the WIP list, but I’m just not feeling for it lately?
Warnings: Mentions of lobotomy, past abduction/abuse metion, yandere themes
You have been behaving so well lately, it is endearing, truly. There is not a single word of complaint when Mori asked you to pose for two hours for an oil painting. Nor did you throw a tantrum when he said how you cannot have that extra slice of cake yesterday at dinner.
Compared to Elise-chan, you are a role model! While Mori prefers you to have some defiant spirits, this is wonderful as well, especially when he is frustrated with some of his subordinates’ bratty behaviours.
So when you clung to his arm after dinner, begging him to go shopping, the Mafia boss did not see any reason to turn down your request. He loves buying you different dresses anyways! Maybe this time you can even choose a bonnet for yourself, since you have been such a good girl…
Unknownst to him, you are plotting something.
You felt sick, being treated like an ornament, a doll without a mind. You need to leave this place before your sanity leaves you. If you stay here for another month, you think you might just start to enjoy all those jewelry and fancy gowns. Absolutely unthinkable, therefore you must find an exit strategy.
Your only hope is to go to your relatives abroad, surely even the Port Mafia boss of Yokohama cannot reach you outside of Japan, right?? Of course, you cannot pack much, but you had gathered enough money for a train ticket to Tokyo. You plan to obtain another passport before leaving this country for good. Once you are on the plane you should be fine, safely away from this crazy man.
Good behaviors would allow you to go outside, even just for a few hours to a mall. Those shopping trips can get irritating, but they are at least a breath of fresh air and away from the Mafia Headquarters.
You are compliant, walking through five clothing stores with a fake smile on your face, to lower his guard.
“Mori-sama, may I go to the washroom?” You said when he is waiting for the crepes order in front of the dessert shop.
He nods without hesitation, not thinking how you would just run off.
You know there is a bus station nearby, and you could take a bus to the train station.
(This one is odd as hell but bear with me-)
When you did not return to him after forty minutes, Mori thought maybe you have period cramps and is too in pain to walk again. Since he cannot just burst into the woman’s washrooms, Mori had begged Elise to go in there.
(Just me randomly complaining about period cramps HDAUSOHASD)
Oh, where did you run off to? Maybe the ADA abducted you and want to use you against him? Unfortunate for you, while you have your tactics, the Mafia boss has his.
That beautiful ruby necklace he made you wear earlier? It contains a little tracking device! Not that he doesn’t trust you, but as the head of a Mafia, Mori has many enemies. He has to make sure he can find you if something happens!
You were waiting for the train to Tokyo on a train station bench, thinking about what you are going to do now without Mori controlling every aspect of your life.
Freedom! Autonomy! Finally, you are your own person again! Not some accessory to the Mafia boss, or a little plaything. That weight of dread in your chest lifted a little, but you know you must not get happy yet. You are still in Yokohama, which means Mori could still-
“Dearest, you had strayed too far from me.”
That voice. That damned, familiar voice.
You had failed miserably.
“Do you think you can really get away? How pitiful. Is this why you have been so good recently? I’m disappointed in you, love. Now come, Elise is waiting for you, she is worried too.”
This is a busy train station right? Even the Mafia boss cannot just snatch you here in broad daylight right?
Too bad, you shouldn't have underestimated the Port Mafia. It’s nearly effortless to evacuate the civilians with a few warning shots from pistols.
“You had misbehaved enough today, surely you do not like extra punishments?”
Oh no, what is it going to be this time? You desperately hope you get some amnesia this time, trembling at the thought of that cold surgery room.
You’ll have to pray, right now all you can do is cling to his arm like Elise and follow him home.
“Did you know how worried I was? Someone could have gotten their hands on you because of me!” Maybe Lobotomy is a good choice after all. Although the result may vary, at least you won’t run away again. That procedure would morph your mind into a child’s, cleansing any rebellious ideas.
It’s not like you have any chance of escaping again, you betrayed his trust, no outside time anytime soon for you.
You are naive to think you can ever get away in the first place.
#yandere bsd#bsd fanfic#bsd imagines#yandere mori#yandere ougai mori#yandere x you#yandere#anime yandere
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fanfiction writer appreciation: skamverse edition
okay, so, earlier this week, @yaraaimsakul created a gif-maker appreciation for the skamverse fandom and i decided that i wanted to do something similar but for the writers of our little fandom. writing can sometimes take a lot of work out of us but it’s also such a beautiful thing and sometimes, it doesn’t get the recognition that it deserves. so, if you see this and you aren’t tagged, i want you to know that you are an amazing writer OR if you are a reader and aren’t tagged, but would like to spread the love to the writer’s YOU enjoy, do it! DO IT! spread all the love. i know all the writers of all fandoms (not even limited to the skam fandom) would love to hear from those who read their fics.
also, if you want to tag more than one person. do it! if you want add questions, do it!!
if you’re a writer:
a fic that you’re really proud of:
it’s really a tie between just friends and jij verliest. i really love both of them and i love how they both turned out—even if it was sometimes a little stressful because of irl events and the deadlines i put on myself. but i love the story about robbe and sander falling in love in another universe(s).
a fic that you were nervous to post:
safe. with unattainable, i felt very comfortable about robbe’s pov and his story but i wasn’t comfortable with sander’s. in addition, i would have probably liked to change his backstory—but it was the one i envisioned when i wrote unattainable so it felt weird to change all of a sudden. but it was probably the one i was most nervous about.
a fic you wished got more hits/kudos/comments:
overall, i will always wish that the curse of betrayal would get more hits. i know that it’s a fic centered on jana but i’ve thrown my heart and my soul into this fic and i love it to death. i love harry potter and i love wtfock so why not combine my two loves (tho i am putting a lot of pressure on myself lol)
one of your favorite tropes to write:
childhood friends to lovers, everyday. i love the trope so much it’s great. i really wish i could write a sobbe fic like that again lol.
another ship that you don’t write but you’d like to write:
omg there’s so many, you(s)mina is definitely one that i’m interested in writing because i just love them so much. the basketball clips the chemistry! it’s just impeccable. and zoënne. like real zoënne not whatever the hell attachment is LOL.
one of your abandoned wip you never wrote but wish you did:
um... my beach au. i love the idea but the plot isn’t tangible to me right now. i think i’m going to potentially write it someday but as of right now, it doesn’t look good. and maybe my royal au but idk if that’s abandoned yet.
another writer you would love to collaborate with:
@sonderthroughthestreets, @carolineworld, and @tsjernobyl <3 oh and @genjasafin ( ;) )
if you’re a reader:
a fic (or more) that you love to reread:
i know i had the questions, but it’s like i completely blanked on every fic that i reread. i really love anything by @aholynight because their way with words is simply amazing and their sobbe fics are to die for. i remember counting down the hours until they would post the chapter on sundays and it was amazing. oh and i’ve been loving @sobbefairytales’s the things you once said to me and i can’t wait to see how it turns out (but no pressure babe).
tag an author you always love reading:
@honeyandsinn cat i’m so behind on reading everyone’s fics but i always love reading yours because it’s always so sweet and beautiful and amazing. keep writing and conquering uni’s ass, you amazing queen.
recommend a story to your followers:
if you haven’t already go read @tsjernobyl’s fic right this second. here’s the link. okay, i really can’t say anything personal about this fic because i haven’t had the time to actually read it yet because graduation and stuff and negative thoughts but i’m getting on it. but, i’ve been talking to her since she’s started this fic months ago and she’s thrown so much of her heart and soul into this fic and i know for a fact that it is going to shine in her work.
as for non-skamverse recommendations, go read the life of times. it’s a marauders fic and is the whole reason i’m a writer.
tag an author you discovered recently:
i haven’t been in any ao3 tag in a while so i haven’t been able to catch up on fics so i don’t have an answer for this one :( though once i watch skam france i’m probably going to read @earthlingeliott and @luxandobscurus‘s fics, does that count?
spread the love!
tag someone who inspires you to write:
@peaceoutofthepieces, nat idk how you fucking do your amazing writing months in advance without dropping it but i am so inspired by you to try and do that. you’re fucking amazing and one of my best friends. dottori/croissenne, i miss her love and takes so much. @luludemauryyy, jess, i know you’re not writing skamverse right now but seriously though your motivation and excitement to write your fic is so contagious and amazing, i love you babe.
tag someone who you’ve admired forever:
@aholynight (i’m sorry to tag you twice), @dearrobbe/@dearsander, @sonderthroughthestreets, @luludemauryyy
tag your writing support and loves!
where to start... the aewb server for being the absolute shit and listening to me drown on my writing woes and conflicts. @tsjernobyl, emma, you give me so much support even when i’m struggling and i’m probably so annoying but you’re such an amazing person and thank you for supporting me. @sonderthroughthestreets, @honeyandsinn, thank you both for putting up with my random questions and bursts of inspiration and ideas. @hidden-joy, @sandersyasmina, @sanderxrobbee for helping me when i’m struggling and supporting me even with my hogwarts au and other stories. and everyone who has ever liked/commented on my fics or sent me an ask. you guys have all supported me in more ways than one.
tagging:
everyone who has already been tagged in this and @dagcutie, @carolineworld, @lot-bubbel, @luxandobscurus, @earthlingeliott, @mijnlief, @birthdaysentiment, @sander-klaas, and anyone that wants to do it. yes, even you.
#wtfock#skamverse#tag games#long post#(note while my answers were wtfock related [because that's all i read] this is NOT limited to only wtfock fics)
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A Father’s Love
While driving cross-country, I was struck with an idea for Zhorrid backstory pain!fic and had to pull off the interstate to make a note in my phone after I outlined this entire thing in my head and then debated whether or not I would remember it when I got to my next stop, then actually wrote it two and a half hours later at my hotel. It’s not super edited and not really beta’d ( @miss-spooky-eyes looked over it for me and made some vague noises at it that I think were mostly approval?) but I don’t think I can get much more out of it, so! Just under 1000 words of young Zhorrid trying to get her father’s approval.
Warnings for child abuse, violence/blood, and just like... Jadus being Jadus
----
“Father? You summoned me?”
Zhorrid stands at attention before her father’s desk, the way he has taught her, waiting for him to notice her presence, but the waiting is too much while Darth Jadus arranges a wicked-looking silver dagger with a jewel-encrusted handle on an equally-ornate stand, seemingly oblivious to his daughter.
“Yes, Zhorrid, I did, and you are supposed to wait until spoken to.”
Zhorrid bites her lip. “Sorry, father.” Realizing by speaking again, she’s made her affront worse, she can’t stop the words tumbling out. “That’s beautiful, Father. What is it for?”
With a sigh, Jadus places his hands flat on the desk on either side of the dagger. “It is for a ceremony to summon sithspawn in one of the temples. It is not why you are here. Are you done speaking out of turn?”
Feeling hot shame in her cheeks, Zhorrid looks at the floor and bites her lip again.
“Now then, despite your… disciplinary difficulties… I’ve pulled some strings for you at the Kaas City Opera House. It’s time for your debut.”
“Father? Really?” Zhorrid looks up at Jadus with wide, expectant eyes. “You believe I’m ready then?”
“Yes. The date has been arranged, and I’m finalizing your aria list.”
“Oh, Father, thank you. I won’t let you down. I just wish Mother were here. I wish I could live up to her.”
“Zhorrid, remember what I taught you. Your song is a blade. Use it to cut emotion from others--cut it from yourself as well. Use that emotion to fuel your power.”
Zhorrid worries her bottom lip between her teeth, trying not to bite it again. “I will, Father.”
----
“My lord, how many pieces would you have her do? Surely this is too much for her.”
“She can handle it. Do you doubt my daughter’s skill?”
“No, my lord, nothing like that! Just, she’s so young, and even with more training, this is a very difficult set you’ve put together.”
“Zhorrid needs to experience difficulty. This is the set she’ll sing for her debut.”
----
Zhorrid’s voice cracks on a high note that would usually be easy to hit. The accompanist turns to Jadus who motions for him to continue. She tries to keep the sense of panic at her mistake off of her face--Mother would never have made a mistake like that. If only she could have a short break before her next song… but no, they’re already moving into the next piece.
It’s okay, Zhorrid tells herself, this is recoverable, my song is a blade--cut the emotion from them. Darth Mortis wept during the bravura from The Poisoned Flower, make the rest of them weep.
Her voice falters more and more. She’s so tired, but she has to keep trying, has to please her father. Murmurs of confusions and disapproval. A blonde lord in dark green robes walks out.
Zhorrid searches the crowd, wide-eyed, and finds her father. Jadus has removed his mask.
A dark smile spreads across his face. What should be a sweet, lyrical note comes out of Zhorrid’s mouth as a horrific croaking sound. Aghast, she falls to her knees. Mercifully, a curtain closes.
----
Zhorrid does not recall losing consciousness, or even closing her eyes, but she comes to on a chair in her father’s study with a medical droid’s metallic hand against her throat.
“--several blood vessels ruptured in her vocal folds, severe bruising and bleeding, she will need surgical repairs for the damage if she’s ever going to sing again, my lord.”
“That will not be necessary, Geeaych. Thank you for your assessment.”
“My lord, without adequate rest, even speaking may be difficult for her.”
“Geeaych, that is enough.” There is a clipped finality to Jadus’s tone, and the GH-2 droid nods, stepping away from Zhorrid obediently.
“F--father?” Zhorrid’s voice is barely a whisper, and the single word feels like gravel in her throat.
“You disappointed me, Zhorrid. I had hoped for so much better from your debut.”
“I’m s--sorry, fa--father.” Zhorrid winces at each word. “I--water… please…”
The GH-2 droid moves to pour a glass of water for Zhorrid from the sidebar.
“Stop, Geeaych. Do not help her.”
The droid stops mid-motion, staring at Jadus and debating its protocol to care for the members of the household but to obey Jadus above all others, eventually settling with its arms at its sides.
“F--father, please! H--help me. It… hurts!” Zhorrid wants to scream, more from the piteous sound of her own voice than from the pain in her throat.
“You think it hurts? You want help?” Grabbing her wrist, Jadus pulls Zhorrid forward, dragging her to the desk, where she lands on her knees.
In a flash of silver, Jadus has the ceremonial dagger in his hand. Zhorrid barely sees the two quick flicks of his hand. At first, it doesn’t even hurt, just an odd pressure from the corners of her mouth in lines outward toward her ears. When she sees the blood on the knife, it’s too surprising to scream. Once the pain hits, screaming just makes it hurt so much worse. All at once, Zhorrid is terribly aware of her blood ruining her dress.
Jadus turns to the medical droid. “When I’m finished here, you may help her with her face. Leave scars to remember this moment. Her throat will heal on its own--or it won’t, that is irrelevant. Do you understand?”
“As you say, my lord.”
Grabbing Zhorrid roughly by the chin, Jadus turns Zhorrid’s face up to him. His fingers dig in under the fresh wounds, pulling them further open, but it’s more physical contact than she’s had from her father in years so Zhorrid leans desperately into the sensation.
“Your apprenticeship begins tomorrow. You will learn to be Sith and to stop being so attached to frivolous things.”
Jadus drops her chin and steps away from Zhorrid, reaching out to the med droid for a towel to wipe the blood from his fingers. “If only your mother were still here to see you.”
#my writing#darth zhorrid#darth jadus#baby zhorrid! probably young teens at the oldest here#(i'm so sorry zhorrid)#h/c that zhorrid's mother was also a singer#and that in jadus's opinion she coddled zhorrid too much#i don't have to hurt zhorrid like this#but the writers gave me one throwaway conversation with her that humanized her somuch#and nothing else#and you can pry that from my cold dead hands
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The Haunting Of Queen Mary's Castle- C.B ~P.1☆
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆
Main Masterlist
Colby Brock Masterlist
Summary: Sam and Colby had the bright idea to drag their friends to Scotland, and where would the perfect video location be? How about Queen Mary’s haunted castle? It didn’t help that aspiring physic, Y/N wasn’t too happy to head out of the country, but Colby was there to help. And maybe he wanted something more than being there to help her. Could the spirits be on his side for once?
Word Count: 4k
Date Uploaded: 8/31/20
Warnings: Cursing
A/N: This fic is from the vault. I wrote this around January of this year, I start school again in two days and the work and stress load is going to be horrible, especially with it being half in person, half online. I hope to get some more creativity back when more pressure is put on me. I have plenty of ideas with just not enough passion and time. It’ll trickle back one day.
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆
“Holy Shit…” Colby held his camera closer to his chest as he walked closer towards the breathtaking Neidpath Castle. It’s aura seemed to engulf the curiosity of the young man. His friends splurged on a ten hour trip to Scotland for a quick Youtube video series, he knew near the end, half of them would be begging to go home. The comical routine played its key role in every single episode, no matter what the occasion was. It did make good money to be completely honest. Although, that wasn’t the main focus of their careers. He found himself under a tall bridge-like banister connecting its way to the entire estate. Next to him was his long time roommate, Corey. He sported a bright yellow hoodie in large contrast with Colby’s black one. It was sort of funny, each of his friends had a unique personality, yet connected so well. Of course, they were wearing their own merch. It helped the sales go up, not to mention it was awfully comfortable. A perk to the business if you say.
“And we thought the church was cool…” Sam, Colby’s best friend and other handler of the videography series on their channel, gaped in front of him. This place was bigger than any other private plot they’ve ever visited! It was a couple thousand dollars to rent out for the night, but with the palace’s history it was born to make a hefty income.
“We have this all to ourselves!” Colby nudged Sam, he handed the camera off to his friend Jake, who was talking a mile a minute to the other attendees. A new face poked out of the regular bunch.
“Are you gonna catch me when I get scared, Y/N?” Jake stuck his face in the view of the content woman. Her persona seemed quite drained due to the long trip. She was partially new to the Youtube platform, especially with ghost hunting. Not like Y/N was easily frightened, unlike her friends, it just wasn’t her go to for a cheap thrill. Nerves were indefinitely strained, since it was the first time out with the entire group. Nothing Jake couldn’t fix.
Her laugh trickled out blissfully, ”Wouldn’t Tara get jealous? You don't want to get on her bad side? Do you?” He quickly shook his head and gave a hesitant reply with his sheepish smile.
“We get this all to ourselves?” Colby queried. This place was double the size of the Trap House by far, they had to be scared shitless by the time they left. There had to be some sort of restrictions or a down sided catch to it all.
“Did you do any research on this place?” Y/N slid up behind the unfocused main man, a small quirk to her. Colby jumped a smidge in light shock. He wasn’t expecting anyone to be genuinely interested with the property. Colby mentally cursed for being so jumpy.
“Jesus Y/N, you scared the shit out me.” He replied, not answering the girl’s question. Y/N met Sam and Colby way back in highschool. Each of them slithered their way into the other’s channels and have made frequent appearances. They definitely weren’t strangers, even though it seemed that way with fans. Y/N had more paranormal encounters out of all of the boys, despite a bit of distaste towards the topic. She was lugged around on long adventures to help them with videos. Some of her videos ranged from ‘‘accidentally’ joining a cult to “selling her soul”. She was the wicca-pedia they needed to not get possessed each trip.
“Ok pussy.” She walked off to talk to Corey, the pair oddly all had a strong connection from somewhere, and Colby sighed as to quickly put on his cheery online persona once more.
Sam waved up at a vacant window as the group, “Hello!” The woman replied unknowingly and aroused quite a shock of embarrassment. A faint giggling came from the couple in the back, “No,no, I do it better.” Corey got a hold of herself, “A Ra-Ta-Ta-tah.” The two burst back into their ceremonial laughs and briefed on about some TikToks they watched on the remotely silent ride from the airport.
Sam turned back around to see the shorter woman. Notwithstanding her first place in line, “How is he gonna get a kiss kiss? Very ugly to me!” The duo rounded up to each other and laughed on their way up the trail, leaving the others confused and focused on talking to the groundskeeper.
“I’m assuming you are the caretaker of this?” The blonde one waved more at the older woman. She seemed more on the reserved side and peeled her eyes at the sight of a camera. A lovely addition to the already uncomfortable scene.
The woman gracefully approached Sam, “Yes, Yes I am. My name is Katrina.” Sam went on with the lady into a dark back door. The young adults glanced on in uncertainty.
“Yo, why are they going off by themselves?” Colby asked Jake. The first rule of all of their videos was not to go off by yourself. Bad shit always follows. “He literally was like-”
“He’s been looking at her ass like all day.” Jake joked back, Corey attentively diverted himself from Y/N to get a jump in on whatever that conversation had morphed to.
“That’s whatever the fuck he was doing.” They all snickered and continued on with the inappropriate jokes. Editing this would be like a field day to Reggie.
“Is Kat gonna think…” Colby looked around jokingly, getting another round of laughter from the friends.
“I don’t know..” Colby softly replied. He pressed on to dumbfoundedly impersonate Sam’s girlfriend, “Oh it’s not cheating if he’s not in the same country.”
“It’s sexual relations Jake.” Y/N whispered at him. They continued to poke fun out of the cougar-lady, but her and Sam rushed back soon enough. Just in time to ask questions.
“Uh, that was pretty much the coolest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.” Sam pulled everyone aside with a smug look on his face. He honestly always had one of those. The blank stares that were thrown back at him weren’t what he expected.
“Uh Sam what does that mean.” Jake chuckled. He looked around at everyone not able to catch on. The seriousness of the situation began to settle as everyone genuinely thought Sam could have done some weird shit with that groundskeeper.
“All I have say is that was quick man…” Colby scraped some gunk off of her nails while waiting for following instructions.
Sam obviously didn’t understand, “To fill you guys in I had to learn, kind of, where all the specific light switches were. I didn’t even look around. I just kinda looked at the ground until she saw.”
“You were like that’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.” Colby turned the camera to focus on him and Jake mocking Sam’s slight happiness by seeing fancy rocks.
“It was only the stairs!” Sam said defeatedly, he didn’t want to spoil the real first looks.”That’s just giving you a little hint, but um, I asked her if she could you know fill us in on some of the information of, likewise castles here, the hauntings or any deaths and she said she knows some information.”
“Oh cool…” Colby was already quite unenthusiastic about this idea anyways. Katrina retreated out of the building quickly with keys in her hand. She sprinted over to all of them.
“Look it’s Sam’s new girlfriend!” Y/N cheered. Sam spun his head around, probably pulling a muscle in the process. The pure look of utter horror could not be more hysterical. Sam became flustered with a loss for words, his face tinted with a light shade of pink. Before he could muster up any sort of retort Katrina, the groundlady, came jogging back to the group.
“What’s some of the backstory about this castle?” Jake asked, he spun some rings around in his hand. Paying no mind to the other plot line adhering to his right.
“This castle was built in the second half of the 14th-Century, but there was another castle built before that in here. That was built in 110,so uh.” Few ‘Wows’ and ‘Oohs’ cut her off. “That was quite a while ago, but the Neidpath was built by the Family Of Fraser’s and they built a Buddha made castle. This one was burned down by the English army. After a guy named Simon Fraser, who’s the cousin of Braveheart, was captured and executed and that’s why the Buddha made the castle was burned to the ground. Another family built this castle, which was besieged in 1650 by the Cromwellian army. Legend says that this was the only stronghold of the Scottish borders which actually withstanded the siege. Whether it’s true or not, we don’t know, but what we do want you to know is that one-third of the castle collapsed, non-existing anymore.” She spoke with absolute passion. The place had so much rich history, the surrounding observers listened with extreme intent, not to miss one sentence in case it may help their investigation.
Colby raised his eyebrows at this question, “One-third of it?”
Katrina continued on, “Because of the siege. We do have a dungeon in the castle as well.” Everyone went silent.
“A dungeon?!” Jake nearly dropped a silver band he was picking on by the mention of this. His personality perked up and suddenly the whole crowd was uplifted. Finding weird places in “abandoned” areas is always a plus side, but this tops all of it.
“Guys shut up!” Y/N whacked Jake with her phone, he stuck his tongue out while rubbing his shoulder. She didn’t want to leave too bad of a first impression. It would be mortifying if something went wrong and the owner already hates you.
“Is there a dragon?” Corey brought everyone back to the topic of the castle, he didn’t want to be there a minute longer, but in this group you just do what you’re told and shut your mouth.
“We do have quite a big colony of bats under the roof, so I’m not sure if you really want to go down there Mister.” The group laughed and groaned at Katrina’s statement. Running into bats could be the worst thing to encounter.
Corey nodded in response, “So there are dragons.”
The history went on, “It was quite widely used during the 14th and 15th century because that was the only reason for the whole county.” The darker side of it all became slowly prevalent. It wasn’t just a posh place the others expected it to be.
“Prison?” Sam posed. This just got a lot weirder than they all expected.
“Yes. You’ll be able to get into it because there is this rough opening through, which was made in the 17th century, but before that the only entrance to the dungeon was through the trap door from the guards. I should have shown you that, but I’m not going to. You’ll find it by yourself.
“Oh god…” Colby rubbed the bridge between his nose, an inevitable headache was beginning to form.
Sam tittered, “Are we just going to fall through? Is that ok?” He got no proper answer, which set his worries on the run.
“So, the last prisoner was there in 1594, I think. We know there was a teenage boy like a 14 year old boy who was just pick pocketing people and he ended up here. The note didn’t say that he actually came out of there again.”
“Like meaning it’s haunted?” Colby preyed on.
“Uh, it is haunted!” Katrina stated blandly.
“Fun for us!” Y/N shrugged to hide her panic. Colby glanced at her. He sensed her anxiousness, he didn’t want her to be upset. Definitely not in the shitty environment. Of course, he cared for her, he just didn’t know how to open up and tell her. Would this really be the place?
“We do have our own one. Her name is Jean Douglas. She died in 1750, she was the daughter of one of the owners of the castle and she died of a broken heart.” The mood fell, a breeze pulled through and messed with the mics. Leaving just a sprinkle of static in the footage. Just in time.
“She was engaged to a young man, but he wasn't wealthy enough to win her family over, so he went abroad to win his fortune and fame and because he was away for far too long she went really sickly and pale and she didn’t eat. She didn’t sleep, so she was really frail when he finally came. When he was riding his horse through the archway she was at the window and he failed to recognize her because she was so altered and broke her heart and she died on the spot.”
The group had a silent reaction to the news, not knowing how to react.
“Ever since then she is walking through the castle being very tall, very gray, very pale looking, weeping.”
“What’s her name again?”
“Jean.” A tiny shiver racked through Sam’s body. He didn’t tell anyone. Just not to set anyone off. Now he really didn’t want to face this spirit.
“Have you ever seen Jean?” Y/N asked, trying her best not to be insensitive with the approach. These things are held really close to some people. Their experiences could be life changing, for others it could most certainly be a lot different.
“No, but I do have ghostbusters coming in several times a year and I asked what was the best recording ever and they were like ‘We got brilliant ones of screams.”
“Ah..”
“And I was like inside of the castle. I’m here sometimes on my own in the middle of the night at midnight, one, two, three o’clock. When I have to lock up after the events and such. Do I really want to do that with screams in my head? No I don’t, I said no.”
“Alright sounds like it’s a nice haunted Scottish castle.” Sam tried his best to play off his uncomfortable feelings with humor. It did not work.
“I’m going to do the dungeon now. I’m not telling you what I’m going to do now and then the place will be yours” Katrina headed back into the castle with an odd vibe.
“So, she’s gonna make us fall down the trap door, wow.” Jake leaned in for slight commentary.
“How much do you want to bet that we’re going to die?” Y/N grabbed her backpack to locate her wallet and pulled out a twenty.
“I bet 15.” Corey grabbed his wallet too.
“Guy, that is so sad though…” Colby came into the center of all of them, “Ok, that story. Imagine your husband comes home on a little horse and you're in this window, literally right there and then you die on the spot because he's like ‘Who’s that?’ It’s a tall, frail old lady that’s crying everywhere.” Colby clung to his sweatshirt, “Oh that’s so creepy!”
“Colby if you ever do that to me you’ll have to go back to VidCon alone again.” Y/N was putting in her best bet and threw a five at him. “You can use that for your ticket.” He blushed, just like Sam moments before.
Sam added more commentary from behind the camera, “They’ve heard screams within the castle.” Katrina came right back out with her deafening personality, handed the keys to Sam and hopped right back in her small, blue car, and left with no exchange of words.
“She creeps me out.” Jake in discomfort. To be fair, she is a creepy ass old lady who owns a castle in the middle of nowhere.
Corey turned away from the groundskeeper's car and shrugged off his jitters, "So we have a castle to ourselves...”
“This is amazing!” Sam couldn’t contain his excitement.
“No Shit. I still can’t grasp why you all buyout expensive stuff like a castle.” Y/N gripped the abundance of bet money and slid it all bad into her bag.
Colby inspected the property more in depth, as if he was waiting for a ghoul to poke out at any given time, “This is where we’re staying tonight.” With a grand motion upwards Sam panned the camera up and down.
“And you guys...” Sam pulled the camera away from the stronghold and directed the frame to the rest of his friends,”..have not even seen the inside at all.”
“I know, I know.” Colby pulled his beanie down his head, the enlightened sun seemed to cascade into the clouds with a faint breeze.
“Let’s go find our cottage, get ourselves completely set up and ready for the night. Take some pictures before sun down and then go into the castle, because like we can’t lose this sunset and we got to figure this out.” Sam did some weird hand movements in front of the camera and handed it off to the other’s opinions.
Colby nodded his head up and down in agreement,” Yeah definitely.” Jake wandered around with a rock and for the most part everyone said eye to eye.
“Unfair treatment. I wanted to go in now.” Y/N gave a side glance to Sam and Corey brushed his hand over her playfully. She walked back into frame,“All I gotta say is, Colby Brock Hot Edits.” Colby walked up next to her with a shit-eating grin in approval. Who doesn’t love Colby Brock edits?”
“Shut up, you’re just jealous that there’s no Y/N L/N hot edits for you.” He playfully jabbed back at her with a growing flutter in his stomach. He fucking hated that feeling to no end, but it was such a drug. Only when she was around.
“Alright let’s go, I’m bored as shit.” Jake came back with his new pet rock and put his arm around Corey. Sam cut the camera and went down the forked path. Right down the road was a cottage for visitors.
“Hey Y/N,” Colby came jogging up to the colleen, “Did you see any weird stuff yet?” He shoved his hands in his pockets, a symptom of his bashfulness, he began to rethink his uncolorful wording in his sentence. He just had the sudden urge to go up to her and she wasn’t complaining one bit.
She looked over at him, “No, not yet. I just got really put-off by that lady. She just was so…” Her eyes connected with his and a glistening highlight overcame the peaking iris. The words weren’t verbally there, but he understood what was there.
Sam cut her off, “Dude. Look how big this place is.” It was rationally smaller than their house back in LA, but it was sizable for an ancient brick living space.
Jake made the most commotion out of the seven, “Whoever is first picks where they sleep!” He dashed ahead of the group and everyone picked up speed, almost dropping the rock he just adopted.
“I think there’s only like three beds.” Sam panted. No one paid much mind to him and kept running. They all toppled into the door and Corey unlocked it, which left the rest to run up to a room. Jake took the first one to the left, Sam tumbled into the one across. A room had a small couch for Corey and last, but not least…
“Looks like we’re bunking L/N.”
“Fuck you Brock.”
Sam peaked his head in, “Guys, we have film some shots of the place. Come on.” The three made it to the living room where all and sundry were. Sam grabbed his camera and got everyone in shot.
“What?!” With grand motions each person stood up in their acts of shock. Even though it had been there for a solid five minutes the audience always has to be entertained.
Colby turned around, “Yo! We got a TV too!” A small Toshiba was put on a step stool. It would probably gain no use tonight anyways. It looked like a piece of crap too, thank god for Youtube.
They all got up from their seats and went to uncover the rest of the place, “This is nice, very cool.” Colby led them into Corey’s room. A huge bed frame was around a pink canopy bed. Old photos and paintings of the fortress were hung evenly around the perimeter. Sam went through the rest of the rooms and told everyone to head off and get ready.
The guys took cold showers and Y/N soaked in a muddled bath in the basement. She didn’t like it here. Her mind couldn’t unravel much. Sam was stationed upstairs doing a camera touch up with Jake by his side talking about the new Harry Styles album. A half an hour later everyone was wearing at least one faction of Sam and Colby merch, phones were charged and beams from flashlights slid across the floor like a jumping snake.
The group divided into pairs as they walked to the castle. The sky grew much darker than expected and it felt like a looming spirit chipped away at the warm function of friends. The camera was whipped right back out.
“Alright, we are all showered, changed, and ready to explore the castle before sunset.” All went under the arch while the audio was whacked around by the wind.
Colby turned from his conversation to the viewers, "I’m still like flipping out that we’re staying here tonight. That’s crazy!” His lantern swung below him and the towering castle was engulfed by the purple skies. “Look at this place! Look at that beautiful sunset!” He yelled.
Y/N raised her eyebrows, “Since when were you PG-13?”
He blandly stared at her,”Shut up I need to make money,” He looked back at the camera, “When I was like blow-drying my hair and stuff after my shower, my hair dryer was insanely powerful. There’s obviously a lot of energy in it, like the voltage.”
“I thought he said blow-j-.” Corey chimed in. He shut himself up so they wouldn’t get demonetized, it would be a funny way to go down though. Y/N and Colby giggled along with him. It wasn’t a rare occasion that they all were out laughing and joking, just the side chick with the haunted castle.
Corey swung his flashlight up and down, “His blow dryer started smoking and like almost blew up.”
“So, what I’m saying is the spirits could use all of this energy to talk to us.”
They all made it to the castle and it was around five-thirty. There wasn’t much to do at this time, but she was always watching. There was something about to happen they could all feel it and that thing, it wasn’t going to be good.
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆
Part 2? Send me an ask if you want it!!
#Sam and Colby#colby brock x reader#colby brock imagine#colby brock x you#colby brock#xplr#sam and colby fan fiction#sam and colby fan fic#jake webber x reader#jake webber imagine#fanfiction#fanfic#queen mary#corey scherer x reader#fandom
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For the writing meme thingy:
🍄how do you get yourself in the mood to write?
🍑 do you/would you write smut?
📒 any fics planned?
🍄 How do you get yourself in the mood to write?
Getting in the mood to write and actually wanting to sit down and start writing are two very different things, but they're connected, so I'll explain both.
To set into “creative mode” it helps me to do these things:
Listen to music that makes me think of a character/situation in my story/stories. I've got playlists separated by character and pairing. Sometimes I also just work on curating those playlists for fun and get my brain going.
Bounce overall ideas off of my friends and husband/editor (but he's my best friend, too 💗)
Reread old chapters or recent ones and future snippets based on what I want to do.
Once I actually want to put words down, I get a little more strict with myself. I get distracted verrrry easily sometimes and I have to fight the urge to open a million more tabs when researching a small detail.
I move to instrumental music (I have playlists for different moods like “emotional”, “soft”, “sad”, etc. I usually listen to “soft” as a general soothing background sound, as I can get pretty dang emotional when I write, especially with the stuff I've been churning out lately.
So, yeah, I need tissues within reach if I get upset. (Wow, I'm not making this sound fun at all, lmao)
After sound has been established, I like to eat a snack (something with protein) because I can be under for hours, lol. Eat it and finish it. Otherwise, I get distracted.
I also like to have drinks available. I always have a bottle of water, but I also like having a hot cup of tea. I think it's the time of year for me to switch to cold barley tea.
I write while seated on a recliner with my feet up. I have my laptop on a lap desk and it's a pretty cozy setup.
I basically try to remove any excuse I have to get up once I start writing, because I am the worst procrastinator I know.
🍑Do you/would you write smut?
Heheh... heck yeah, I do. Waaaaay more than most people realize. Stuff I've actually posted? It's pretty limited. I posted a couple pieces (Let Me Love You and You're Like the Sunshine) a few years ago, but I've been practicing ever since. One of my planned stories literally has what I refer to as a “smut dump” in the draft where I've been experimenting with writing different moods. I like the intimate scenes to play a role in the overall plot or have it be a bonding experience.
Despite that, I do have a shameless Gray x Mary story I should just get out there that has zero plot, just two cuties in love. In my mind it's so naughty and kinky and I get flustered thinking about it (Mary is hot, okay?), but it's probably hella vanilla, lmao. I really am grateful that people have been really supportive about my writing smut despite what I usually write, and they've been so encouraging, too! I honestly feel like the smut I've posted is really stilted because I was so self-conscious about it. I don't feel like they are terrible for first attempts, but I have definitely grown more comfortable writing it.
Will The Shy Newcomer become explicit? I kinda really want it to, but I might separate the chapters for those who don't care for that content. Overall, I'd like to write more and post more, and I want to write more than just male x female smut as well. I have some of those in my planned pieces (more about them later).
📒 Any Fics Planned?
Firstly, I'm super tickled more than one person was interested in this. I copied the answer I wrote earlier.
Short answer: Yes. I also plan to bring more of my stories over from ffn to Ao3.
Long answer under the cut, heheh. I rambled quite a bit.
Ask me about my writing processes and stories!
I have so many WIPs that haven’t been touched in years that I’d like to finish, so new planned fics aren’t posted yet. Some of them have more adult themes than most of the stuff I’ve been writing, so I get flustered sharing them. I’ve been at a crossroads, as I feel that you can’t have growth without changing things up. On the other hand, I feel like a lot of my readers associate my works with a specific “wholesome” feel-good mood. It’s kinda nice to be known for something, although that might just be my ego talking, thinking that people recognize my work as a “type”.
Regardless, in the end, I feel growth is necessary.
I don’t want to leave a lot of unfinished WIPs waiting because they stress me out and I have too many of them already, so I’d like to have a bulk of my new stories with a good chunk written before I decide to post them.
Among those include:
A longfic featuring Pete’s farm in Forget-Me-Not Valley (A blend of HMDS with the FoMT plugin and AWL). It takes place in the same universe as The Shy Newcomer (Claire in Mineral Town) and there are a few overlapping moments, although Pete’s story starts first. Pete’s personality is verrry different from Claire’s, and his story was kind of supposed to be the yang to TSN’s yin. Pete’s best friends in his story are Ruby (not sure if I’m adding Tim yet), Nami, and Rock. Readers will be treated to a poorly-socialized pre-Mineral Town Cliff (if you think he was bad at the beginning of TSN, well… heh… he’s a wreck here).
Another planned unpublished story is a crossover of Harvest Moon and the movie “In This Corner of the World”, based on a manga of the same name by Fumiyo Kouno. It was written as a gift for a friend. I have the entire outline figured out and have slowly been filling it in. My friend asked for an AU where Claire and Cliff have an arranged marriage and live with his family in Akiyama, the hometown I had created for Cliff in The Shy Newcomer. I took the opportunity to expand the characters in his family. I have it written during the same time period and society as “In This Corner of the World”, but had decided to write a spreading disease as an allegory for war, but then COVID happened and some parts of it just got really hard to write. There are also a lot of sexually explicit content as Claire slowly grows and learns from her spouse that it’s okay to express what she wants despite sex being a taboo issue. If there’s enough interest in the story, I’ll post it, but I worry it’s a little too niche for there to be many people into it.
Pastor Carter and Doctor Trent are one of my favorite rare pair ships. I’ve had a partial draft for a story about them for a few years now, especially focusing on Trent growing up and acknowledging that he has an unhealthy addiction for things that he knows he can’t have. There are some more adult/sexual themes in this piece, too, including the main character lusting after a married woman (who also happens to be his patient) and some lemons. (Does anyone call it that anymore or is it just referred to as “smut” nowadays? Haha) I always feel so bad for neglecting the folks at the clinic in-game and wanted to write a piece that focused more on them, Trent specifically. It’s a multi-chap fic, but I don’t think I’m going to let it get as long as some of my other pieces.
I also really want to write a short romantic oneshot for every marriage candidate in Mineral Town, around 1,000 words each. So far, I have one for Cliff and one for Gray. I want to write Claire with everyone, because I think it would be fun to explore all the different personalities.
I have more installments planned for A Single Day, including a day in the life of the following characters, all with drafts in varying degrees of progress:
Anna
Doug
Nora (yes, I’m writing from the point of view of the cat living at the inn)
More to come – I think Lillia and Thomas would be especially interesting to explore
I do still have that Legend of Zelda Majora’s Mask piece I’ve been pondering where Link befriends the soul of the deku scrub child while possessed by the mask. I don’t have much written about it, but I really love the world of Majora’s Mask. Such a fun game.
I also think about the lead carpenter’s son in Ocarina of Time and that weird side quest involving the blue chicken and the son being lost to the forest. Then that unique-looking kokiri girl explaining that all who get taken in the lost woods become stalfos. Like, did the guy die? Was he sick? Did he want to die? There’s just so much going on there that would be fun to explore.
I also have played OMORI recently and have like… A LOT of feelings about it. I don’t know what I’d write, but I’m still damn impressed at how well the characters are developed in such a short game.
Other games I’ve had vague ideas about writing for include the following:
The Flame in the Flood: I’m thinking a survivalist/action story fleshing out Scout’s backstory a bit more and her thoughts as she’s traveling. I feel like she’s a very lonely person, but isn’t given the chance to really dwell on it.
Night In the Woods: I’d love to write more about Mae’s dreams and what they mean to her. She doesn’t really talk to anyone about them openly, so it’s really hard to tell her feelings about them in some regards. We know that she’s distressed about them, but I’d like to dive a little deeper. Do the nightmares end after the games does? What about Bea’s new nightmares?
Hades (Supergiant Games): I think it would be fun to write more about the events that take place before the game starts, like Zagreus’s duties in the house of Hades, and expand on the strained relationship with his father.
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Fic Writer Interview
Tagged by @aphrodaisyacs! Thank you! :D
Name(s): Crimson, or Crim as I've been assigned by friends
Fandom(s): Ones I've written for are BNHA, Transformers, Sk8, JJK, HTTYD, Pokemon, and Hetalia. Those last three are on an old FFnet account I refuse to let see the light of day.
Where you post: AO3 (but as stated before I used to write on FFnet lmao)
Most popular one-shot (by kudos): League of Villains? League of Flat Earthers
I won't lie, I wrote that fic in maybe three or four hours on a whim following the unexpected success of my first bnha fic. Which brings me to my next point of why is it always the fics I put the least effort into or write on a whim that do the best (*side eyes entire [insert tragic backstory] series*)
Most popular multi-chap (also by kudos): area cryptid upset no one bothered to inform him of his tragic backstory
this is my most popular fice by a not insignificant margin lmao. i tell this story in discord all the time but i literally wrote it while dissociating during zoom calls and then decided to post it because it got long so why not? and then it got popular so i kept writing bnha fic and now i'm here.
Favorite story you've written so far: i'd say either a blood crown for two or love is stored in the medical stapler hidden in the anti paparazzi blanket
blood crown was a self-indulgent project that i didn't think there would be any audience for, so i was super happy that other people enjoyed it as well. the other one was a joke fic written when i joined CTABB in roughly two and a half hours, and is honestly one of the best times i ever had writing a fic.
Fics you were nervous to post: mmmm i don't really get nervous when posting, but if i had to point at one, then it'd probably be catch me when i fall (rated E). it was just a fic written in a fever dream, a weirdly charged emotional study of hawks and nagant's relationship, published within roughly 36 hours of me learning she had a name. it was just i knew that with her being such a new character, it was definitely going to be niche, so i wasn't sure what the reaction was going to be
How do you choose your titles: it kind of depends on the type of fic i'm writing, to be honest. with crack/humor fics, i just come up with the worst possible way of describing the premise (ex. "area cryptid upset no one bother to inform him of his tragic backstory," "diamonds are capitalism, shiny pebbles are forever,"). for fics with a more serious tone, i try to choose something that alludes to the climax or main plot point/emotional core (ex. "a blood crown for two," "where we fly on metal wings," "This Address Does Not Exist"), and sometimes i use the ye olde song lyric method if i'm really stuck (ex. "don't forget me when i let the water take me," "because with us you're free to sea,")
Do you outline?: lmao no.
okay, it's a bit more complicated than that. I've outlined maybe four or five fics ever - two of them were for zine fics because words weren't coming easily enough for the check-in, one was just because i thought that's what the multi-chap process was supposed to look like and was honestly more of a meme than an outline, and i currently have one that's an actual outline because it's a very plot-heavy au
Complete: like,,,, five zine fics (soon to be six since i need to finish one before the deadline in two hours lmao) that are locked in zine jail, the next installment of f1 au that's locked in beta jail, and a few fics that i wrote out by hand an still haven't typed up despite the fact they have started gathering visible dust
In-progress: A DabiHawks Pathologic AU, a sword spirit road trip AU, a catbi fic, another seven zine fics, four big bang fics, cyberpunk au sequel, and probably another five i'm forgetting because my life has spiraled out of control and this is less an interview than a desperate cry for help-
Coming soon: ....i uh.... am a tad burned out as the kids say, so the only thing i can definitively say is coming soon is my dabi bang fic, for which the premise is "the entire league thinks dabi is touch starved and thus touch avoidant but he's actually just severely immunocompromised" because i have a deadline on that lmao
Not started: more than i'm willing to admit - if i've ever mentioned or shown off an au that i didn't list as "in progress," chances are i haven't started it or have just put it on the back burner
Prompts? area cryptid and league of flat earthers actually both stemmed from the same prompt, but apart from those two the only fics i've written from prompts were for a valentines exchange i did with some friends last year - "Ritus," "Uncouth," "Not Exactly Procedure," and "Just Us"
Upcoming work you're most excited about: hmmmm my Whump Bang fic and my Hawks Bang fic are both going to cause significant pain and i can't wait to show them off, but my pathologic and sword spirit fics are also going to be excellent (once i actually work on them lmao)
No pressure tags: (i'm sorry if you've already been tagged, but it's been pre-established that i'm very out of the loop) @theycallmebol @amethystunarmed @draphrawrites @bittermoonswrites
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https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMRNrxSL8/
but imagine the whump that could happen if this took place over two episodes:
scratch manages to move hotch elsewhere and the team have to find him, and all the while hotch is being forced to relive his worst memories and fears…
(also we finally get hotch’s backstory)
wait this is kinda sounding like i lost a friend lmao i might just write another (post) scratch fic when i feel like procrastinating on hw
...
I wouldn't have been able to handle it if it was over two the suspense would kill me I would have to watch it all in one go...
Yes!! The writers would've fucked it up so bad because they cannot be trusted with Hotch's backstory, but imagine. Everyone else was only drugged once. If Scratch got Hotch away from the house and had him there for at least twelve hours, he could get away with anything. He could just go crazy and experiment with different dosages, what would happen if he repeated the same dosage...
It could've been so good...
I loved i lost a friend SO MUCH though like if everything you wrote was just angsty post Mr Scratch stuff, I would devour it all!! But also yes, please do!
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Another Fic Rec List - various pairings
It’s time for another fic rec list, folks.
Immortal Husbands (Nicky/Joe from The Old Guard)
I’m pretty much obsessed with this ship and specially with their background history, and these are the getting together fics that we all love & deserve.
Waiting by domini_moonbeam, 12k, rated E
Summary: After a beat, Nicolo’s head bobbing in a tired nod. Yusuf patted his back, giving him a little shove toward the water. “Don’t drown! I don’t want to go in after you,” he said, backing away. Nicolo paused, glancing back at him, eyebrow raised and face painted in blood. There was a question there, in those incredible, expressive eyes—another question Nicolo would not say out loud. “And I would,” Yusuf answered this time. “I would go in after you. I would become a spirit of this forest, haunting that river until I found you.”
fearfully and wonderfully made by bethecowboy, 9k, rated E
Summary: Over the past few years, he’s started sleeping as little as he possibly can without dying — his under-eyes are permanently bruised and he spends daytimes hallucinating. It’s better than dwelling on what has come before: screams, limp bodies, spraying blood, blue eyes.
deo volente (lux aeterna) by qqueenofhades, 65k, rated M
Summary: Yusuf snorts, as if to say it’s mutual. But the Italian struggles to sit upright, wincing and swearing, and – Yusuf cannot pretend he does not want to know, not when a creature will always seek out its like, its matched half as the Greek philosopher Plato wrote, and there is nobody else in the world, to the best of his knowledge, like the two of them. He says, “What’s your name?”There’s a very long pause. He can hear the other man deciding whether to lie. But there is no purpose to it, except for bitterness, and the answer is uttered cold and shortly. “Nicolò.”
(Or: The inevitable backstory.)
Bonus:
Half In Love with Easeful Death by merle_p, 4k, rated M
Summary: “They are quite the sight, aren’t they?” Adrienne says, sitting down next to him on the log by the fire, offering him the eau de vie once more.“What are you talking about?” he says, feeling caught out. The bottle is half-empty already, and he does his part by taking a long drink so he doesn’t have to look at her for a while.“Those two,” she says, pointing her chin at Nicolas and Joseph, who are huddled together with their backs against the wide trunk of an ancient olive tree. “You were staring.”
(In which Booker is new to immortality, and trying to make sense of Nicky and Joe's love. Andy isn't exactly helping. Or maybe she is.)
Destiel (Time Travel and Future Fics)
Crazy Diamonds by pantheon_of_discord, 25k, rated E
Summary: A week ago, Dean was pulled out of Hell. Now, he’s apparently woken up in 2018, and the angel that a mere twenty-four hours beforehand had threatened to chuck him back into the pit is sleepily pouring himself coffee and wearing Dean’s second-favourite Zeppelin shirt. It all seems like a perfect happy ending, but with Hell’s scars still so fresh, Dean can’t imagine how he could have possibly gotten there.
At the same time, the Dean who went to sleep in the bunker, right next to Cas, wakes up on Bobby’s couch in 2008. He’s instantly bombarded with questions by a Lilith-obsessed brother and a man who’s been dead for years, and must decide between keeping his finally-perfect life intact, and the lives he could save by re-writing history.
Regardless of these choices, both Deans are trapped in the wrong decade, and their only way back lies with a Castiel still very much under Heaven’s thumb – one who might find the future Dean describes difficult to believe.
where the weeds take root by deathbanjo, 30k, rated E
Summary: “Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.”
The Mirror by cloudyjenn, 25k, rated M
Summary: When Dean touches a strange mirror, he's whisked away to one alternate reality after another and it doesn't take him long to realize the universe is trying to tell him something.
The Story of You and Me by the_diggler, 55k, rated E
Summary: Dean wakes up in bed next to a very human Castiel, and a journal in his own handwriting that tells him it’s two years in the future. The house looks a lot like Bobby’s, and Sam lives there too… He just can’t remember how they got from angels falling in the sky – to comfortable domesticity.
While there is much in the journal Dean doesn’t remember, there is much of their story he’s always known. And as he settles into the routine of his new life and relationship with Castiel, it quickly becomes something he doesn’t know how to live without.
Stucky (Just Some of my Random Faves)
That Reflection Man by SkyisGray, 30k, rated E
Summary: Political AU - Steve is the son of a Governor and the grandson of a Vice President. At 18, he meets Bucky. At 24, he marries someone else. At 25, he's elected to the House of Representatives, and Bucky overdoses. But their story is really just getting started.
Ain't No Grave (Can Keep My Body Down) by spitandvinegar, 107k, rated M
Summary: It's six in the morning, and Steve is heading out on a run when he nearly trips over a bouquet of sunflowers on the front steps of his brownstone.
For a second paranoia takes over, and he kicks the flowers a little, waiting for them to explode. They don't. They also came with a card, which he picks up. The front of the card has a tasteful picture of the Brooklyn bridge at sunset. It's very nice and sedate, like the kind of card you would buy to give to your boss. On the inside someone has written a short message in big, shaky block letters.
I AM SORRY FOR SHOOTING YOU.
Steve sits down hard on the steps.
Steve Rogers at 100: Celebrating Captain America on Film by eleveninches, febricant, hellotailor, M_Leigh, neenya, tigrrmilk, 10k, rated G
Summary: Heil Hydra,” the enemy agent shouts.
“Heil this, motherfucker,” says Captain America, shooting off a rocket.
Steve and Bucky find out Hollywood has been busy since they went away. A historical survey, including but not limited to: one set of exploded genitals, a brief interlude in France, Mel Gibson and other masterworks of casting, eight Academy awards, several dinosaurs, and something Tony Stark has ominously dubbed “the masterpiece.” Art included.
Relax by ShowMeAHero, 1,3k, rated G
Summary: Bucky remembers a detail of his past over breakfast, and nobody can handle it.
FIC RECS: part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4
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My Home - Drake Walker
A/N: hi everyone! This is the fic I wrote for @riseandshinelittleblossom ‘s Quote Me On This writing challenge! Thank you Steph for organizing this and for letting me participate on such short notice <33 I hope you guys enjoy it. (the quote I had to use is in bold). I always wished MC got a backstory in TRR, so here is a potential one
Warnings: mentions of gun violence, theft, crime, alcoholism, foster care, jail, etc. I would like to disclaim that I know these themes are very difficult for a lot of people so I want to make it clear that I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone who can somehow relate to this story. This is a dark and angsty fic and I don’t mean to offend or hurt anyone who reads this. Reader discretion is advised.
Word Count: 3.1K
Pairing: Drake Walker & Iris Jones (MC TRR)
Ringing. Dozens of cellphones buzzing in luxurious purses and warm pockets, an array of ring tones echoing throughout the ballroom, and shocked gasps and quiet curses followed suit, a great number of nobles turning their heads to gawk at Iris. Her face was pale with worry as she nudged Maxwell in the ribs, her eyes darting from duke to duchess.
“What’s going on?” she asked in a hushed tone and her question was answered with a big gulp, a cell phone being pushed in her direction.
Time stopped when she laid her eyes on the article on the screen, the earth shattering words hitting her in the face like a pack of bricks.
NY Thief Turned Duchess of Valtoria, the shocking details of Duchess Iris Jones’ past:
The ballroom started to spin, the faces surrounding her all blending into one big cloud of color and the whispers tripled in volume. Iris couldn’t believe what she had just read, the memories flooding back to her. Somehow, her past had caught up with her, just like she had always known it would.
Her eyes desperately searched the crowd for her friends, the ones she had hoped would never find out about her deepest and darkest secret. Hana’s brow was furrowed in confusion and Maxwell’s face turned paler than the Lythikos snow. Iris’ eyes met Liam’s hurt and bewildered stare and her heart shattered, the darkness of the situation settling in. She had broken his trust, as well the others’. Now, they all knew who she really was. And what an unfortunate reality it was.
Her initial shock slowly turned to anger as she bit back her tears, her blood boiling. Someone had uncovered her past life and had tried to use it against her, sabotaging her reputation once again, publicly humiliating her in front of the court. Someone was still out to get her, after all of this time and all of her hard work. And this time, maybe that someone had finally won.
“Iris,” a voice called out, and her head snapped in its direction, lips parted in anticipation as she finally met Drake’s gaze. He stood a few feet away from her, eyes completely focused on hers. His arms rested along his sides, fists clenched but his expression utterly unreadable. She kept looking at him, tears finally spilling over her lids, unable to control her anguish as she faced her lover. She didn’t care about the court, not really. All she cared about was him, and she had lied to him about it all. The man she loved more than anything in the world, her everything.
The moment was abruptly interrupted when a pair of gruff hands wrapped themselves around her upper arms, gripping tightly at her gentle skin as she was dragged off by members of the Royal Guard, and her first instinct was to fight them off, trying to push them away but in vain.
“Stop. I can explain, let me go!” she grunted, emotion tainting her words as she tried to get out of the guards’ custody.
The crowd gasped as they dragged her away from where she had been standing, walking over to the grand ornate doors of the ballroom.
Iris’ eyes met Liam’s again and she mouthed the words: “I’m sorry” before looking back at Drake. He was pushing people out of the way, cursing and shouting at the other guards trying to keep him away from his fiancée.
“Let me through. Goddamnit, let me pass!” he exclaimed gruffly, almost shoving a guard to the ground.
A series of shouts and voices calling out Iris’ name were swallowed by darkness as the doors closed in front of her. She let out a strangled sob, unable to contain the panic building up inside of her. She couldn’t believe what had just occurred. It had all happened so fast. The moment had been over in a flash, but she kept reliving it, over and over again as the guards dragged her to her palace bedroom.
“What am I going to do?” she thought to herself.
Iris had spent hours in her room, the guards standing behind the door. She had paced up and down the room for what now seemed like an eternity, time ticking by so slowly she could’ve sworn it was the next day if it weren’t for the pitch black sky behind the tall glass windows of the bedroom. She had also curled up into a ball on her bed and sobbed, face hidden away in the palm of her hands, unable to control the waves of distraught that had washed over her at the ball. Now, she sat on her bed, bloodshot eyes fixated on the floor as she bit through four of her fingernails, foot anxiously tapping against the floor while her anxiety levels rose higher.
No one had come to talk to her yet, and she couldn’t even tell if that was a good thing. Maybe she was staying at court, maybe she’d be stripped from her newly given title, maybe she’d be shipped back to New York where she belonged. Maybe.
She was terrified.
What scared her most wasn’t losing Cordonia. It was losing Drake. She had never imagined she would ever find someone like him to protect her and love her the way he did. She had always just thought she’d end up unloved and alone, but he had seen something in her no one else had ever even noticed, something even she couldn’t see, and she thanked the universe every day for it. She had found a home in him, but now, maybe she was going to lose that too. And it was all her fault.
Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by an angry voice and the sounds of footsteps tapping against the marble floor of the palace, volume increasing as it got closer and closer to the bedroom door.
“Move aside and let me in. Now.” Iris heard and her heart throbbed as she recognized Drake.
A polite “no” could be heard, followed by a quiet but stern voice speaking.
“You will let him pass. This man should be granted the opportunity to speak to his fiancée.”
Liam.
Finally, the door opened and Iris shot up in a flash, hands curled up into fists, furious but anguished, ready to defend herself if need be.
Her heart swelled at the sight of her fiancé standing in the doorway. He seemed to be shaking in his wrinkled suit, either from anger or fear, and the look on his face turned the blood in her veins to ice, her lungs clenching as she tried to speak.
“Drake, I-“ she tried to say when he bolted towards her, closing the distance between them and throwing his arms around her, pulling her into a warm and desperate embrace.
“-I don’t care. Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter,” he declared intensely as he tightened his hold on her, heart beating uncontrollably and she broke down in sobs.
“It does matter. I have to tell you-“
“-No, you don’t,” he insisted as he looked at her. His heart broke a little at the sight of the fat tears rolling down her cheeks and he placed a comforting kiss on her forehead. Iris let out a shaky breath before finally breaking the embrace. She took a step back and avoided his gaze, instead staring at the floor in embarrassment. She did have to explain, if only to make sure he knew the whole truth and not just the story the tabloids were trying to sell.
“You might wanna sit down for this,” she said, gesturing to the bed. Drake followed her hand and frowned as he placed himself on the edge of the mattress.
“Jones, I don’t need to hear this.”
“Maybe, but I need to know I told you everything.”
She sat next to him, still avoiding his stare and fidgeted with her dress, her long trembling fingers twisting the silk fabric into a small ball just above her knees. This was it. After all this time, she was finally going to open up about her past. This disturbing reality shook her to her core.
“What is it?” Drake asked, watching her fingers shake.
“I’m afraid that when I tell you, you won’t see me the same way anymore.”
Drake reached out to hold her hands in his, tentatively caressing them with his thumb in soothing circles.
“Don’t say that,” he whispered and she squeezed her eyes shut, a single tear rolling down her cheek and landing on her burgundy-colored dress.
“Okay,” she simply said before turning to him.
“My mom got pregnant with me when she was really young, around 19 years old. I didn’t grow up with a dad because he left her when he found out. It was just the two of us in a crappy apartment in the Bronx. My mom was really depressed and she started drinking a lot. She barely even seemed to notice that I was around,” Iris said before sucking in a breath, pausing for a few seconds before resuming her story.
“She left when I was 14. I got home from school one day and she wasn’t home. I waited but she never came back. I tried to hide it but it didn’t take long before I was put in the system and I became a foster kid. I kept running away from my foster homes ‘cus they all sucked. Half of my foster families couldn’t remember my name and they were all assholes anyway.”
“I’m sorry,” Drake muttered, the frown on his face intensifying. No one should have to endure those things, least of all her.
“I-,” she started, before inhaling slowly. “It is what it is. But growing up alone and afraid all the time, I just had a lot of unresolved issues. I ended up meeting a boy. He was good to me at first, made me feel like I was special, like I was the most important thing in his life. I thought I loved him, because I had never known anything else. He was a drinker, just like my mom, and he knew all sorts of people, all involved in shady business. He never really gave me any details about what his friends did, but I knew that something wasn’t right.”
“What was his name?” Drake croaked, heart pumping steadily like the calm before a storm.
“His name was Ty. One day, we were talking and he told me he wanted us to get married. We were gonna run away together and start a life somewhere new, far away from New York. We just needed to some money to get started. I trusted him, so when he told me his plan, I was naïve enough to believe him. I never should’ve.
“The plan was simple enough. We were gonna steal liquor from the bar he and his friends used to go to. The bottles were pretty expensive so we were gonna sell them and use the money to leave before we could even get caught. But something went wrong,” Iris said, her voice wobbling slightly.
Her pulse was quickening by the minute as she remembered the scene, memories flooding back in her mind. She was sweating and trembling, voice completely clouded by a veil of emotion. It was getting harder and harder to keep her cool. This was the part that was going to change everything, the part that would destroy all the things she had worked so hard to get.
“The bar was closed. He used a crowbar to smash the window of the back door and opened the lock from the inside. It was just me and him. We grabbed the most expensive bottles and put them in big duffel bags. But then he told me he was gonna empty the register. I told him it wasn’t a good idea but he didn’t listen, and he started to shout at me, telling me to wait in the storage room with all of the bar supplies. I was terrified, so I did what he told me and I stayed in the back room with the bags full of the stuff we had stolen when I heard a shout and the sound of something smashing.”
Iris’ breathing became erratic and she almost wheezed as she tried to continue telling her story.
“I dropped the bags and ran inside of the barroom, and he was there, holding a gun to the owner’s head. I don’t know when the owner got there or what happened before I came in the room but he was screaming, pleading for his life. I couldn’t believe what was going on, I didn’t even know Ty owned a gun. The owner’s face was bloody, like he had just been beaten up. I couldn’t recognize the look on Ty’s face. Like he was proud of what he had done. It scared me to my core.
“Then I heard sirens coming from a distance and I knew that if we didn’t leave straight away, the police would catch us and we’d never be able to leave and do what he had promised me we would do together. He looked at me and smiled, and suddenly I felt like maybe It was going to be okay.
“He raised his arm towards the ceiling and shot at it. The sound of the gunshot completely blindsided me and I covered my head with my arms. Bits of the ceiling started to come down on us. I thought Ty had done it to distract the owner or something so we could get away. But when I opened my eyes, he was gone and the gun was at my feet.”
Iris exhaled a shaky breath before looking back down at her feet, tears cascading down her flushed cheeks as she cried out.
“The police came in and arrested me on the spot for armed robbery. I quickly realized Ty had used me. He didn’t care about the liquor bottles, all he wanted was the cash from the register. He took all of it. And he left me there to take the fall so he could get out. He didn’t care about me. I was just a stupid teenage girl who’d been naïve enough to trust him.”
Drake’s eyes were wide with shock and he let go of Iris’ hands, passing his fingers through his hair as he tried to process what he had just heard. This made her heart break.
“What happened next,” he inquired, voice steady but quiet.
“I don’t know why but the owner didn’t press charges against me. I still had a court date but apparently there wasn’t enough evidence to suggest that I had had a big enough part in the burglary to go to an actual juvenile detention center. Instead they sent me to some sort of group home for young delinquents which was basically juvie but I didn’t have a record at least. It was hell.
“I did my best to fly under the radar and eventually when I turned 18, I had another court date. They decided I wouldn’t have to go to jail and I was free to go. I left the group home and tried to look for a job. I just wanted to get as far away from that part of my life as possible. I worked as a waitress in a tiny bar and I eventually made enough money to move to Queens in a small apartment just for me. I changed my name and got a new job at another bar, made a few friends, moved on. I became tough, but at least I had gotten out of that place. Ended up working at this new bar for 6 years, until you came in, and my entire world was turned upside down.”
Drake grunted approvingly, eyes locked on the floor beneath his feet. Everything he had just learned was unbelievable. Iris had never told him about her past, only small details, things that seemed normal without the context he had just been granted.
He knew she loved her mom’s mac & cheese as a kid, but he hadn’t known it was because her mom never made anything else. He knew Iris was an avid fan of Queens, but he had never realized it was because it had been her first real home. He knew she was tough as nails, but he had never understood where her immense strength came from.
A sudden urge to hold her washed over him and he instantly pulled her into a warm and protective embrace, the act taking Iris by surprise. Her eyes were wide with shock and she gasped, her heart rapidly beating against her ribs.
“You don’t hate me?” she cried, unable to contain the emotions bubbling beneath the surface.
“Hate you?” Drake asked. He pulled away just enough to look her deep in the eyes, sending her a warm look as he smiled softly.
“I saw that you were perfect and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect and I loved you even more,” he said softly.
Iris’ heart throbbed and she cried in her lover’s arms, relief spreading over her in an overwhelming wave.
Never in a million years had she thought she would find someone who could love her unconditionally the way he did. She had just told him about her entire past, every sordid little thing about the person she had once been, the person she had despised for so long. But if he could find a way to forgive her, maybe she could learn to forgive herself too. Iris held him tightly, thanking her lucky stars for giving her a home like this one.
After a few minutes of peace and quiet in each other’s arms, Iris looked up at Drake, a frown spreading on her beautiful face.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do. How do I fix this?” she asked.
Her lover look down at her and smiled.
“I don’t know, but we’ll find a way…together.”
And eventually, they did.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed my fic! ty for reading :) feedback is always appreciated!!
if you would like to be added to my taglist(s), feel free to fill in this form
Drake tag:
@glaimtruelovealways @texaskitten30
Forever tag:
@stixnstripesworld @masterofbluff @drakewalker04 @superapplepie
Challenge tag:
@riseandshinelittleblossom @leelee10898 @ao719 @darley1101 @theroyalweisme @bobasheebaby@texaskitten30 @batgirlassociationofgothamcity @burnsoslow @drethanramslay(reader)@openhearttv@candy72008 @bebepac @twinkle-320 @h3llostrang3r @lucy-268 @dcbbw@oofchoices @blackcoffee85 @anotherbeingsworld @walkerswhiskeygirl @twinkleallnight@trappedinfandoms @hopefulmoonobject@losingbraincellseveryday @god-save-the-keen@loveellamae @axwalker @speedyoperarascalparty
#drake walker#drake walker x mc#drake walker x oc#drake walker fanfiction#choices#pb#pixelberry#choices you play#play choices#drake walker trr#the royal romance#trr#v writes#angst#depression#alcoholism#theft#crime#jail#prison#trigger warning#reader discretion#extreme angst?#gun violence#mentions of violence#reader discretion advised#this is angsty as fuck#quote me on this challenge
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