#that man is such a lightweight | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thecrimsonmonarch · 2 years

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[JL Watchtower]

Batman: *alert, expression grave* We have an emergency.

Superman: *springing into action* Let's go, you can tell me the details on the way --

Batman: It's me. I'm the emergency.

Superman: *frowning, examining Batman with x-ray vision* No broken bones, no internal bleeding... what's wrong?

Batman: I think I'm drunk.

Superman:

Superman: You don't drink.

Batman: I had canned coffee. From the pantry. There's crateloads of them.

Superman: *remembering Flash's newest concoction* Oh

Batman: At first I thought I was just being affected by the sugar.

Superman: *remembering Flash mentioning that he had them specially made for his high metabolism* Oh no

Batman: You know I don't consume much sugar, Clark. I'm not used to it. I thought it was The Sugar Rush™

Superman: How much did you drink?

Batman: I'd already drunk two cans when I read the fine print. I --

Batman: *clutching Superman's shoulder, carefully enunciating* I imbibed two whole cans, Clark. Of metahuman-grade Irish Coffee.

Superman: *supporting Batman's free arm, keeping him from acquainting his face with the floor* Oh no

Batman: I feel strange. I made small talk in the cafeteria. I might've cracked a joke at some point. I almost told Green Lantern he did a good job on the last mission.

Superman: Wow

Batman: But he didn't do a good job, Clark.

Superman: *lips pursed, corners twitching* Mhm

Batman: My mental faculties have been compromised. I feel... bubbly.

Superman: *controlling his breathing*

Batman: I cannot be seen bubbly, Clark. I'm Batman.

Superman: *shoulders shaking, eyes glistening*

Batman: You need to get me out of here before I run around the cafeteria complimenting everyone.

Superman: Okay, just -- give me a sec --

Superman: *sniffling* I'm memorizing every detail of this conversation so I can replay it forever

+

[Later, at the Batcave]

Superman: *flies in with Batman in a bridal lift*

Batkids: !!!!!!!!!

Nightwing: We received his emergency alert --

Red Hood: What the fuck happened --?

Nightwing: -- he wasn't responding --

Robin: Is Father conscious --?

Red Robin: I'm getting Alfred --

Superman: GUYS, guys, calm down

Superman: *puts Batman down on his feet* B's just drunk.

Batman: *stands straight, dusts his shoulders, opens his arms*

Batman: Daddy's home.

Nightwing:

Robin:

Red Robin: Okay, pause everything, I’m getting a camera *runs off*

Red Hood: *unblinking* Is this real

Batman: How are you boys this fine evenin'?

Robin: It's 4 AM

Nightwing: Why is he speaking with a southern accent?

Superman: He's been cycling through accents since liftoff. No idea why.

Red Robin: *returning with an 8K camera in hand* BEHOLD, the reclusive Gotham Bat in his natural habitat…

Batman: *staring at the lens, hands lifting his cape open at shoulder-height*

Batman: *fangs bared* I bid you velcome.

Red Hood: *still unblinking, unmoving* This is the best day of my entire life

#i might've been possessed when i wrote this #incorrect quotes #batman #superman #superbat #batfamily #batfam #nightwing #red hood #red robin #robin #dc #in line with my hc that batman is a lightweight #come on #man has to remain in peak human condition #no way will he harm his liver #right?#batman the health nut

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crybaby-bkg · 1 year

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drunk Bakugou that keeps blinking big wet eyes up at you while you help him get undressed and brush his teeth and wash his face. he’s slurring the whole time about how much he loves you and how pretty you are and how you’re the better part of him and how he’s gonna marry you and give you two and a half kids and a dog and a cat. muffles half of his confessions into your stomach where he keeps resting his heavy head, and doesn’t care about the tears and and toothpaste he’s getting on you in the process. no, he doesn’t remember everything when he wakes up, but he has an idea of what he’s said when you wake up with a grin, ready and armed to tease him.

#okay gn lol #I want to get this big man so drunk that he has to be carried like a burlap sack over eiji’s shoulder #the image of this has me in literal tears #he’s a lightweight too and I think that’s so cute of him #okay but Eiji who can hold his liquor really well 👀#and tries to take care of you and bkg at the same time 👀#but the two of you just concocted a plan of climbing this mountain of a man tonight 👀#okay now let me write about caretaker Eiji who never really gets more than buzzed #and offers to care for you (and maybe bkg too 👀) after a night out 🏃🏽‍♂️#I’ll write it in the morning for I yam sleepy #—new treat in the streets! 🍫#bakugou treats! 🍬#tw: drunk

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dustbar · 28 days

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Is error at the end of the list because he doesn’t like alcohol or is it because something happened the first time you give error alcohol?

he tried it and wrecked all of dust's supply

also need to thank @monolite001 AND @rushin-safire AND my mother for helping me with errors background text <3

#also hes VERY lightweight #<- errors just a manbaby man idk #murder sans #dust sans #error sans #<- oo special cameo (doesnt usually come to the bar)#bad sanses #bar sanses #undertale au #sans au

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lilbitofmac · 1 year

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Happy New Year, everyone!! 💋🎉

#ironstrange #tony stark #iron man #doctor strange #Stephen strange #my back is killing me I put this together so fast ugghh #also I totally headcanon Stephen being a lightweight for some reason LMAO #a passionate drunken kiss on Stephen’s part since Tony only lightly drinks 😌💕#my art #marvel #mcu

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chibi-chaninks · 5 months

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More low quality late night doodle from last night. Nyeheheheheheh~☆ a chibi went out with old friends and got peer pressure into drinking (she only had one 🤣)

#mdhm #mdhmsillies #mdhm silly doodles #my dear hatchet man #shes a lightweight #he angry angry his poor doe-eyes

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 7 months

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Wait-

What about your Human AU, when does Eddie get into the lake?!

uhhhh *rolls dice* the group gets Shitfaced™️ and Eddie wakes up on a partially flooded raft in the middle of yeah, the lake <3 no idea how he got there <3

#lake's too big to be able to swim to shore so he has to awkwardly paddle the inflatable raft #everybody else is scattered around #barnaby is in a tree. wally is cuddling a raccoon. frank is draped over a tall boulder. julie is buried up to her neck. etc #it was a wild night and no one recalls what happened but sally now owns a horse #also eddie wakes up in full drag. he was Not in drag when the night started #rambles from the bog #wh modern human au #the gang doesnt normally go out to drink bc julie always ropes them into a drinking game #poppy Was the designated driver but then they were all like 'ohhh we can get an uber if you want One margarita or somethn'#but poppy has Major lightweight vibes #so that one margarita got her tispy enough to be like 'screw it get me another' and next thing you know!#they're all singing impromptu karaoke on the street corner #& waking up by a random lake in a forest they do Not recognize <3 #oh or maybe eddie wakes up in an inner tube #like his arms are draped over the sides and thats the only thing keeping him from slippin under the water #when he gets to the shore his wig & shoes are gone. his dress is soaked. his makeup is a smeared running mess. hungover as hell #frank has never been more attracted to a man in their life <3

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smashorpassgilf · 3 months

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Detailed 《here》

[Askbox is open. Submissions via submit must have 3 50+ pics]

One person or submission

Any gender

Must be over 50 years old

Both fictional and real people accepted

Both Live action and animated

Everyone submitted is moved to this spreadsheet

Middle Aged Mondays rules (Submissions closed)

Certain media sources will not be accepted as well as certain people.

That list is, though doesn't end with, -> all Harry Potter & related, the last of us[x], Hazbin Hotel, all politicians, Morrissey [x], Jordan Peterson[x], Saul Goodman/Jimmy Mcgill [x], Noel fielding

Submit via ask, one person per ask, or submit via the submissions with your own pictures. Photos must be of the person over 50 (45 if the person is 50-53) [Note: if you send multiple people per ask, this will slow down how fast your ask gets out.]

If the blog goes quiet, shoot in some asks, I may've just forgotten to restock the queue

@ the blog with propaganda reblogs so I can share your reasons someone should be smashed!

He/It/They | 26 | V | My posts will be tagged as 'not poll'

Inspired by @smashingorpassing but not affiliated

#smash or pass #tumblr polls #old man yaoi #old men #hot old men #not poll #lightweight #propaganda

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mayajadeart · 1 year

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Between Miorine and Suletta, which one gets drunk, asks if the other is single, and then cries when they say no?

Actually scratch that it’s obviously Miorine.

#g_witch #sulemio #suletta x miorine #gundam the witch from mercury #g witch #this now has me wracking my brain about what drunk Suletta would do.#Suletta probably has really high alcohol tolerance come to think of it #she toll and she fit #Miorine can handle two drinks at max #and even that’s being generous. you give her half a shot and she has to be carried back home that night.#Chuchu is actually more of a lightweight than Suletta but she handles being drunk better so you can’t tell.#Suletta is probably… she’s a sleepy drunk I think #she just kinda goes ‘ehhe…’ makes weird mouth noises #and then at some point she just buried herself in Miorine’s chest and doesn’t leave for the rest of the night.#Chuchu actually gets really heartfelt. she’s an ‘a luv you man yer me best mate’ kind of drunk #she will threaten to fight anyone for you but she won’t actually do it until she’s sober #Nika is the designated driver because she doesn’t drink

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lickmesillysidney · 1 year

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#is that just vodka soda Sidney #I wish he was a lightweight that would be so funny #a man of his size #all pink and giggly #Geno would have to bundle him up in his coat and take him home #sidney crosby #sidgeno #source: pinterest

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stanfordprepped · 4 months

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He's awake and forever regretting those shots.

#&& muse status.#&& tw: alcohol.#[[man is a lightweight ]]

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a03-anxiousandafraid · 19 days

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Yesterday I went for a walk with my guy and on a whim we decided to stop at a local cider place that was on the way since it was nice out and we were enjoying just being out and chatting. We aren't big drinkers and holy shit am i embarrassed to admit a pint glass took my ass OUT. We were messes. Like, not drunk and incapable of functioning, but definitely "oh holy shit I FEEL this and I'm in public so now I'm anxious about the fact that I can't feel my face."

...so we did the most logical thing possible and stopped at the book store just a few storefronts down. I have so many books on my bedside table waiting to be read but I still walked out with 4 new books and as soon as we got back to the apartment I called my mom to tell her about how I was excited to read these books about murder and existentialism over mortality...

The best part was my mom calling me after work today to ask if I'm okay and if I had a hangover. LMFAO No hangover and still excited about my murder books, we good.

Actual footage of me tipsy af in the mystery section: