#in line with my hc that batman is a lightweight | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thecrimsonmonarch · 2 years

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[JL Watchtower]

Batman: *alert, expression grave* We have an emergency.

Superman: *springing into action* Let's go, you can tell me the details on the way --

Batman: It's me. I'm the emergency.

Superman: *frowning, examining Batman with x-ray vision* No broken bones, no internal bleeding... what's wrong?

Batman: I think I'm drunk.

Superman:

Superman: You don't drink.

Batman: I had canned coffee. From the pantry. There's crateloads of them.

Superman: *remembering Flash's newest concoction* Oh

Batman: At first I thought I was just being affected by the sugar.

Superman: *remembering Flash mentioning that he had them specially made for his high metabolism* Oh no

Batman: You know I don't consume much sugar, Clark. I'm not used to it. I thought it was The Sugar Rush™

Superman: How much did you drink?

Batman: I'd already drunk two cans when I read the fine print. I --

Batman: *clutching Superman's shoulder, carefully enunciating* I imbibed two whole cans, Clark. Of metahuman-grade Irish Coffee.

Superman: *supporting Batman's free arm, keeping him from acquainting his face with the floor* Oh no

Batman: I feel strange. I made small talk in the cafeteria. I might've cracked a joke at some point. I almost told Green Lantern he did a good job on the last mission.

Superman: Wow

Batman: But he didn't do a good job, Clark.

Superman: *lips pursed, corners twitching* Mhm

Batman: My mental faculties have been compromised. I feel... bubbly.

Superman: *controlling his breathing*

Batman: I cannot be seen bubbly, Clark. I'm Batman.

Superman: *shoulders shaking, eyes glistening*

Batman: You need to get me out of here before I run around the cafeteria complimenting everyone.

Superman: Okay, just -- give me a sec --

Superman: *sniffling* I'm memorizing every detail of this conversation so I can replay it forever

[Later, at the Batcave]

Superman: *flies in with Batman in a bridal lift*

Batkids: !!!!!!!!!

Nightwing: We received his emergency alert --

Red Hood: What the fuck happened --?

Nightwing: -- he wasn't responding --

Robin: Is Father conscious --?

Red Robin: I'm getting Alfred --

Superman: GUYS, guys, calm down

Superman: *puts Batman down on his feet* B's just drunk.

Batman: *stands straight, dusts his shoulders, opens his arms*

Batman: Daddy's home.

Nightwing:

Robin:

Red Robin: Okay, pause everything, I’m getting a camera *runs off*

Red Hood: *unblinking* Is this real

Batman: How are you boys this fine evenin'?

Robin: It's 4 AM

Nightwing: Why is he speaking with a southern accent?

Superman: He's been cycling through accents since liftoff. No idea why.

Red Robin: *returning with an 8K camera in hand* BEHOLD, the reclusive Gotham Bat in his natural habitat…

Batman: *staring at the lens, hands lifting his cape open at shoulder-height*

Batman: *fangs bared* I bid you velcome.

Red Hood: *still unblinking, unmoving* This is the best day of my entire life

#i might've been possessed when i wrote this #incorrect quotes #batman #superman #superbat #batfamily #batfam #nightwing #red hood #red robin #robin #dc #in line with my hc that batman is a lightweight #come on #man has to remain in peak human condition #no way will he harm his liver #right?#batman the health nut

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darling-i-read-it · 2 years

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HCs for drunk Bruce

Robert Pattinson!Bruce Wayne x fem!reader

Warnings: nsfw is separated from the sfw but it is still there!, using alcohol as a dependent, sex with both parties drunk

Requested; by anon, hey i saw that you did hcs for drunk matt and i was wondering if you’d be willing to do them for battinson also? (with the nsfw stuff too lol 😳) (if you’re not up for like repeat-ish requests that’s perfectly fine tho) ☺️

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

Author’s Note: he is constantly on my mind

SFW:

- feel like Alfred sorta didn’t let Bruce drink in the tower as he grows up and he’s a loner anyway

- I don’t really see him going to school with lots of friends if he wasn’t homeschooled

- so he didn’t really hit the alcohol scene till he was 21 and Alfred was like ‘do you wanna drink?...’

- once he figured it out he used it as a bit of a crutch before he became Batman

- then he needed his head clear a lot so he rarely drank

- everyone argued that he was hungover in the morning if they saw him and all the newspapers that saw him said he had a drinking problem

- he did not!

- he thought it was kind of annoying when Alfred told him about it. Like he was protecting the city, actually not drinking his life away :(

- but he can be persuaded to drink more than usual

- he’s pretty lientant about it too like you were just like ‘i think I might have another if that’s okay’ and he just nods quickly

- drunk bruce is a whole thing! A whole thing!

- clumsy but has immaculate reflexes still

- stumbles over his steps but catches a cup that you drop

- loosens up a bit but still, at his core, is a quiet guy

- he doesn’t get talkative when he drinks or anything BUT does get a bit bolder overall

- the few words he says are slightly smoother and a little bit more courageous with his actions

- ‘Do you know how beautiful you are?’

- ‘bruce?’

- ‘you’re so perfect. Mm. perfect.’

- holds your face and stares at you because he doesn’t usually love eye contact but he has the liquid courage to trace your features with his thumb

- your breath hitches

- he isn’t usually this forward so it throws you off guard

- willing to bet he still thinks he needs to be batman

- can’t get the clips and stuff all the way on so he kinda falls over in it

- ‘do you wanna ride the motorcycle?’

- ‘you’re drunk. You can’t drive.’

- ‘that rules about a car. I can’t drive the batmobile. But the motorcycle is different’

- ‘that is absolutely not true?’

- opens up more about it all. Tells you more about his feelings about you and more about what he remembers from his parents

- also tells you about his nights as batman

- he doesn’t usually talk about it when he gets back other than bits and pieces here and there or something to run by you

- but he’s seen and done things he isn't proud of. It all just kinda…spills out

- is a lightweight as well

- falls asleep very soon. He is so tired. All the time.

NSFW

- that kinda got real so anyway <3

- the line blurs between wanting comfort and wanting to be inside of you <3

- usually starts with him holding you in some way and then you’re kissing and then your shirt is off and then you’re on top of him

- he wants to have his hands on you in a completely codependent and possessive way

- this’ll obviously only happen when you’re both drunk because when he’s wasted you have to just put him to bed

- which he COMPLAINS about

- ‘Bruce I have to do something please just go to bed’

- ‘No.’

- ‘Bruce please. You’re wasted. I will still be here in the morning.’

- ‘No.’

- when you’re both drunk though it’s free reign

- he gets even clumsier which is already a thing in bed. He’s never 100% sure what he’s doing with his body but he learns at a quick pace

- wants to be as close to you as he possibly can

- holds you as close to him as he can, kissing you more than normal

- lots of moaning and being more vocal than he usually is, telling you how much he loves you, how he would die if you ever left, how good you’re making him feel

- he can do senseless sex but absoultey not when he’s drunk

- all of the feelings come out to play and he will hold you into oblivion if he must

- you both usually wake up the next morning with headaches and body aches and tangled in sheets and limbs

- it is kind of blissful though

DC Tag List: @elisaa-shelby, @alexxavicry, @demigirl-with-problems, @chaotic-fangirl-blog, @caswinchester2000, @gxrlwithluv, @lov3vivian, @blkwayne, @wandering-poetess, @softiekayy, @navs-bhat

#bruce wayne x reader #battinson!bruce wayne x reader #batman x reader #robert pattinson!bruce wayne x reader

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