#talking to my sister
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#girllll my day off was spent taking my braids out#talking to my sister#chinese food#and washing my hair#simple but nice#HOWEVER#my hair is still wet and i got a shift tomorrow and i have no idea what to do w this 4c hair i’m just winging it at this point lmao
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surrounding myself with a bubble of diversity and self love and body positivity online and then being exposed to normies who actually care about conventional beauty standards feels so fucking bizarre. like you people just live like this??? are you not tired???
#eliot posts#had to spend the week around my sister#and heard her talking about how much she wished she could remove/change certain aspects of her face#aspects which i also have#and generally like about myself and consider to be part of my charm#like girl what the fuck is a buccal fat#yinz are just making shit up to fuck with me i swear
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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If a transgender person asks you to deadname and misgender them in front of certain people. Misgender them and deadname them in front of those people. It doesn't matter how icky or gross it may feel, it doesn't matter you'd rather be honest. It doesn't matter if there's more of you there. Certain people aren't safe, and honesty IS NOT the best policy when honesty could put them at serious risk. It doesn't matter if there's a crowd, because when there isn't shit goes down.
Be an ally, do what they ask. Understand that the trans person knows more about their situation than you do, and this includes who's safe and who's not. Some one can be "trans friendly" to other people, but not to people they know or specific people. Do as the trans person asks, yes it's uncomfortable, but it's 10 times worse if the person we don't trust finds out. 100 times worse if they have access to us when you're not around.
Respect trans peoples safety. Misgender and deadname when asked.
#trans#transgender#lgbt+#lgbtq+#2slgbtqia+#lgbt#transfem#transmasc#transneutral#there is a post about this on my blog but it reminded me of my own situation#my whole family knows I'm out and I didn't want them to#my entire extremely christian catholic and mormon extended family knows because I let my sister tell my parents because we weren't talking#now I live in constant damn fear I'm going to get a message forwarded from family to the point I blocked my own parents#these are dangerous people who will stop at nothing to ruin my life if they find me so I'm going to ask I get deadnamed and misgendered#in front of them#i'm going to lie that it's a joke so I can live my life in relative peace.
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inspired by recent events from my sister’s actual real life
#i feel crazy you guys. i feel crazy about it.#stabby#(<- her requested tag)#i listened to a playlist this boy made her today and😭😭😭😭guys romance is alive and real. for my sister#anyway#ml#my art#miraculous#miraculous ladybug#adrinette#adrienette#adrien agreste#marinette dupain cheng#alya cesaire#nino lahiffe#he booked flights to come and visit her…the day after meeting her..#they hadn’t even talked yet he didn’t even know if she liked him…and he was booking flights on the off chance that she might want to see him#again#sorry but adrien agreste behavior😭😭😭😭
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Danny gets deaged and heads to Gotham to find jazz at collage there's only one problem he knows where the collage is just now where jazz's class is
Enter one bruce wayne who genuinely just so happened to be there (he's pulling a brucie wayme stunt) seeing a small kid looking around worried so what does the serial adopter do? Well he goes up to the kid of course crouching down to ask if he's ok whats his name wheres his parents or siblings?
Now jazz, jazz all but raised danny she protected him from a young age and helped him with anything he needed and durimg her time at collage she had worried for him, with the amount of bull her parents spouted she wouldn't be surprised if danny up and left
So imagine her surprise when she spotted her baby brother de aged talking to some stranger and at that moment every instinct flared and she remembered every warning she read or heard about Gotham and she acted
Danny was just looking for his sister when some guy crouched down to talk with him after asking some questions danny heard a sound he was familiar with jazz running
Bruce really wasn't expecting to be kicked for trying to help a kid
Artistic representation of jazz kicking bruce\/
#dpxdc#dp x dc#dc x dp#dcxdp#ok look this whole prompt was just an excuse to have jazz deliver a flying kick to bruce#bruce: do you need help#danny: I'm lost im looking for my sister#bruce: well let me help you then#jazz seeing a strange man talk to her baby brother: ah so you have chosen death
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The funny thing about figuring out youre neurodivergent is looking through your family and starting to notice youre definitely not the only one
#actually the reason i got diagnosed was because my cousin got diagnosed as autistic#and then my dad looked at me like 'wait hold on this applies to fetti too'#and now im looking at my dad like it applies to you as well#and now im looking at my uncle like 'yeah you too definitely'#also my sister has ADHD#and another cousin of mine definitely is giving off some adhd vibes to me#why are all of us like this geez#fetti talks#neurodivergence#autism
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Prompt 261
“So is no one going to talk about the eldritch space child or…”
“I mean, do you want to get between a child and Batman? I think the only one who could even get close right now is Superman…”
“No you’re right, I think- oh my god the eldritch space child is playing with batman’s bat-ears and he’s not doing anything about it what the fuck I thought only Robins could get away with that-”
#DCxDP#DPxDC#Prompts#Alfred is Clockwork#AndCW having adopted Danny means Danny gets to meet his new big brother from another timeline#Bruce (Once Alfred confirms) is absolutely attached within moments#Autistic bois unite & talk for hours about hyperfixations#Clark has had time to make an entire homemade pie at this point#No Danny isn’t ghost king nor is Clockwork Cronus#Bruce: I have only had a baby brother for 5 hours but if anything happens to him I will let my kids break all the rules & kill everyone her#Signal: Yeah definitely Alfred’s he glows like him and everything#The rest of the bats: Alfred does what now-#Danny with dozens of big star eyes to Bruce: How would you feel about sisters#Bruce holding 3 children & 1 young adult: I am big brother now#Alfred scathingly says that Someone in the family *cough Jazz cough* will at least finish college & get their degree#Sometimes CW enjoys turning off his future-vision and vibing as a mostly-mortal#And Gotham is an old war buddy of his (Yes Gotham is the city equivalent of an Ancient) from the [Redacted] era of the Realms#And xer son & daughter are adorable- Bludhaven & Arkham love the vigilantes lots
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yet how wonderful the lie!
#finished claras route feminism wins#its the least polished for sure but MAN i like clara#pathologic#clara pathologic#clara changeling#clara saburova#This is what happens when u dont have a last name smh#ok guys i finally tried making “serious” patho art#shriikadraws#my art#quote from the verrrry final talk you have w your sister that whole convo was so much#tempted to tag daniil for exposure but.... i wont.....
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I saw like two people compliment my fem Casey design and I immediately drew this. The power of tags lol
#tmnt#casey jones#lavinia#raphael#Vin and Casey my beloved#It's like Raph and Casey with extra spice#they're talking about vin's 'annoying' sisters#fem casey#kunoichi turtles#my art#I don't think I ever said this but Casey in my genderbend AU is super flirty but in a non serious sense#like she flirts with August all the time but unlike guy Casey she actually thinks august is a cringe fail nerd#and she'd never want to date the guy#needless to say it still bothers Sophie a lot lmao#raph#vin#teenage mutant ninja turtles#ninja turtles#genderbend au#genderbend tmnt
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Anthony: Colin let me give you some advice
Colin: don't fuck it up like you did?
Anthony: ah, yeah that's about right
Colin: Anthony help, I fucked it up
#anthony would be so smug that kate will have to smack him#kate: hey *husband* remember when you almost married my SISTER. yeah you have no room to talk#anthony: i thought we were past this!! i'm never living this down am i#kate: nope now go help your brother#polin#colin bridgerton#penelope featherington#anthony bridgerton#viscount anthony bridgerton#viscount bridgerton#bridgerton#bridgerton season 3
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Political ads: My opponent has jacked up taxes every year since he was elected!
Me: Which taxes? Income? Sales? Property? Business?
Political ads: I promise to hold the line on taxes!
Me: Which taxes? What government programs do those taxes contribute to? What gets cut if the lack of taxation causes a deficit?
Political ads: Think about the taxes!
Me: WHICH TAXES. WHICH TAXES ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. TELL ME WHO'S ACTUALLY GETTING AFFECTED BY THESE TAXES YOU'RE SO CONCERNED WITH.
Reminder to always ask what it is that people aren't saying in these ads.
A lot of them want you to think that it is your personal taxes as a working-class person that they're talking about. But if it's taxes on the rich that they're "holding the line on," then they're using your desire to survive with a greater portion of your own income as fuel to keep the upper classes from paying their fair share.
I keep getting the same three or four political ads (half aren't even for the district I live in) and I'm frustrated that they use these transparent tactics and that there are probably people that don't have the time or background to take that moment to go 'what are they hoping I hear in this? What are they actually going to do?'
#Phoenix Talks#personal#vent post#feel free to reblog#politics#taxes#the last time I got one particular ad I started shouting at the TV while my sister was downstairs grabbing some food#she didn't even blink about it so I guess it's not out of character for me lol#We're alone (except for the dog) and I was hoping to share my frustration by shouting while she's in the next room#so at least one person would Know my feelings on this topic
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Dp x Dc AU: Not exactly a meet cute between Jazz and Jason.
Jason's had a long night of beating the shit out of a gang that dared to sell in his territory, the last thing he needs is the Bats on his tail. He can always sense them when he leaves Crime Alley- they watch for him. Waiting for him to fail. It pisses him off.
So Jason shakes his tail, he's pretty sure it's the demon brat, parks his bike, removes his helm and heads into the loudest bar he can find, ditching his mask along the way. There are no camera's and there was no one watching, so Jason just looks like any other angry frat guy at the bar. Well, he supposes that the Leather jacket might be a stand out.
He grabs a drink, and looks at the time. Jason just needs to wait out the chance that a baby bird saw his bike and hope that curfew kicks in before this has to be a 'conversation'. Besides, the music is good and despite all the people, the crowd is pretty behaved.
"Hi! I'm so glad you're here!" A woman approaches, he can tell she's had a few drinks from her walk but her eyes scream sobriety and fear. She's tall in her flats, her hair looks disheveled (from dancing maybe) and her outfit screams 'this is the one fun black top I own'. She's beautiful and her approaching him might've been a wet teenage dream if his suspicions weren't immediately raised.
"I certainly am here." Jason replies, a smirk set into his features easily and as he straightens out his back he can see the three men watching the back of her head like predators. They're wearing super lame white hoodies and coats, like they're organized somehow.
"That's why you're my hero! Always ready to grab me at a moment's notice! Any chance you'll be good to leave after you finish that drink?" Her eyes are pleading but she keeps the same happy smile and joyful tone the whole time.
"Nah, no worries about the drink. It was cheap and I was just getting bored with it anyway. " Jason explains, setting his glass down on the counter. He's mentally photographed the three creeps, "Did any of your friends also need a ride home?"
"Nope! They all got in an uber... without me. So they'll be just fine!" She explains and there is an anger in her eyes that clearly meant she was telling the truth. Her hands are straightening out his jacket collar, making it look like they're more comfortable with each other than just strangers. She lays her hands flat on his chest once her task is completed and Jason feels his throat go dry.
"I'm always telling you to find better friends. Now c'mon, I parked out back." he wraps an arm around her waist, though its not tight, and peers over his shoulder. These guys weren't going to leave without a fight it seems, Dumb, Dumbie and Dumber are all watching her with evil in their eyes.
The two of them walk out and before she can even say thank you, the door swings back open and she's sucker punched one of the assholes and Jason's pulled his gun out for the other two.
"You gents are gunna go home, or you're gonna end up in the dirt. Pick." Jason growls. Not taking him seriously at first, he shoots one dudes foot and the last one standing looks like he might pass out. He picks up his fallen comrades and backs away into the bar.
"For ancients sake those dudes were trying to traffic the hell out of me." She sighs, and Jason holsters his gun.
"Yeah no shit. You okay?" Jason inquires.
"I will be. I'm Jazz, thanks for saving me Hood."
"I'm no-"
"You're literally leaning comfortably on Red Hoods motorcycle that still has his helmet perched on it. No one would do that unless they were suicidal or him." She challenges, but then a look changes in her eyes and she almost looks nervous "But still, do you uhm, wanna get out of here?"
He blinks. She was trying to pick him up? AFTER finding out he was a crime lord??
The answer is that yes, Hell Yes, Jason does want to get out of here. None of the Bats will bother him while he has a civilian, not at the diner he takes her too and certainly not while he's taking her back to one of his safe houses.
Jason had expected one of his siblings to show up in the morning and cause a ruckus. He hadn't planned for a dude to let himself into his kitchen screaming about government agencies tracking Jazz down that wasn't related. Turns out it's her brother and he's floating and no he's not going to explain why he's there or how he found them.
Jazz has a lot to explain to the both of them and it starts with "So I can admit that I have a thing for motorcycle guys-"
#dpxdc#dcxdp#dc x dp#dp x dc#danny phantom#dc crossover#dp crossover#anger management ship#anger management#jazz fenton#jason#long post#your honor there is no way in my mind that these two aren't bangin within 24 hours of meeting#the chemistry is there#jazz was being followed by the giw and jason saves her#jazz is literally in love from that point forward#she has a type and he checks all her boxes your honor#danny just wants his sister safe but he will shovel talk the zombie later
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The main girl!!
#my art#soul eater#se#fanart#maka albarn#maka#se maka#it's a crime that I actually draw her so rarely let alone Soul-#(we don't talk about the lack of Kid fanart besides actually liking him quite a bit)#I kinda love how my sister went from really disliking her to actually finding Maka quite reasonable.. most of the time dkdldkod#also watch me who has said to finally finishing Black star yet drawing a whole new Sheet on the whim instead-#sorry black star but I'll finish you!!#one day-
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DC x DP Prompt *30*
If anyone would ask Bruce how he could have known, he would tell them that it is obvious. Phantom - the new part-time member of the Young Justice - who seemed to be forever young and their new engineer Danny Fenton who is in his early twenties have perfectly fitting schedules. When Fenton is working in the Watchtower, Phantom will be unavailable for the Young Justice and vice versa. Also, the pranks started after both of these figures appeared. Of course one could argue that they could just be related or somehow knew each other otherwise, but the pranks that were pulled on all of the mentors of the Young Justice were only possible with Phantom Powers. And because of the new Ghost Shield the young hero wouldn't be able to just fly into the Watchtower and had to use the Zeta-Tube, what would mean that they should be able to look at the logs. But Phantom never entered the Watchtower while the pranks were under way. And as soon as his team really needed him, Fenton would make an excuse to leave work early.
What he wouldn't tell anyone, is that he saw how Fenton had transformed himself into Phantom, shortly before the Flash got up to run for a snack, just to fall down because his ankles had been cuffed together.
And maybe he helped him from time to time, with a well timed question to distract his fellow heros. Because the motive became clear really fast. Everytime someone got pranked, that someone had done something to ignite the wrath of the younger heros.
All of that also meant two things.
First of all, as soon as Danny was at work, Batman would be extra aware of his surroundings. The pranks never worked on him, which meant he had to dodge more attempts for the rest of the day.
And secondly: He should talk to Tim, after he found out how he had put his foot in his mouth this time, since he just saw his spoon move in his coffee mug without anyone's involvement. He just let his (probably salty) coffee go cold, brooding. Maybe he should go home early today and spend some quality time with his son...
#skylers prompts#dcxdp#dcxdp prompt#dpxdc#don't tag the danny phantom fandom#bruce wayne#justice league#young justice#Danny is a part-time member of the young justice#he doesn't like it when his new friends are hurt/sad#so he pranks the adult hero responsible#bruce knows#everyone else is losing their mind#but Bruce now knows that he upset Tim somehow and tries to talk things out#Tim knows that Bruces knows but it works either way#Danny the engineer getting a text from Kon that they really need his help: “My sister just texted me that Cujo ate a entire Chocolate cake!#I have to bring him to the vet!“
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Remember this impressive skill?
And remember Avatrice switzerland training session?
If not for the running on water accident, they would have trained phasing through the thrown objects next. That's what those pebbles Bea was fidgeting with were for.
#avatrice#ava x bea#ava x beatrice#warrior nun#ava silva#sister beatrice#thank you for coming to my ted talk
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