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beelicious-and-fictitious · 1 year

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Fire Hazard

❤ A Valentine's Day Special! ❤

Summary || [Kurt Kunkle X Female Reader SMUT] You’re having second thoughts about what you want from your boyfriend.

No Murder AU | 5.3k words | NO BETA/ SELF-EDITED, Swearing, Valentine’s Day Theme, Prompt: “Day Two + Kurt Kunkle + Candles,” Established Relationship, Mild Angst, Dog (Kurt’s Pet Pitbull), Brief Baby Talk, Public Displays of Affection, Groping, Mentions of Vaping and Substance Abuse, Dysfunctional Family, Banter, 69ing, Double Penetration (dildo), Rough Sex, Subspace, Choking, Squirting, No Contraceptives, Dangerous Emergency Conditions, Caught Naked.

More Valentines! | Just Keery Fics | Main Masterlist

You had been dating Kurt since the previous summer. Dating was starting to feel like an inappropriate word for it as you both acted a little more like teens fooling around rather than young adults courting. The unconventionality of it didn’t bother you originally! What you have with Kurt feels extremely passionate compared to previous relationships. It feels equal and mutual. His parents sucked, so why would you want to be introduced to them? You’re both strapped for cash, so why go out for a fancy dinner? It wasn’t a relationship based purely on sex nor was it lacking, so what is there to improve upon? But eventually, you started looking around you and seeing some metaphorical tiles missing from your roof.

All of this turmoil is on your mind as you stand outside your favorite taco stand where Kurt told you to meet him. Your old school rival just posted a picture of her and her new boyfriend captioned: all I wanted for Valentine’s Day was flowers and a card, but this guy went all out cooking my favorite meal and playing a love song. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHEN HE LEARNED TO PLAY VIOLIN HAHA

The tweet only makes your ire worse as you stand in the February cold shaking in your skirt and ankle boots. You called your most sensible friend to see if they could talk you down.

“Ooh no, what’s wrong?,” they joked as they picked up. You spit words at a rapid fire rate trying to explain how your relationship suddenly didn’t feel serious anymore with concerns that Kurt might be an incompatible partner for you. When you finally ran out of breath, your friend took a wise, deep breath and answered, “I think you might be catastrophizing, babe. Relationship 101 says you gotta communicate to him what you need in order to feel happy. Have you talked to him yet?”

“...no,” you replied sheepishly. “I don’t know how to say what I mean without making it sound like I’m breaking up with him, though.”

“Look babe, you don’t actually know if he’ll react poorly. Just remember to communicate and compromise with him. Don’t let your anxiety drive you crazy.”

You sigh in relief and throw your head back. “See this shit is exactly why you need to be a counselor!”

The beep, beep, beep of the phone hanging up leads you to laugh (its a common rib among your friends, as is hanging up after hearing shitty puns) and you fire off a real text thanking them for their advice. The cold is almost all but forgotten when you hear a car honking and pulling up at the empty spot on the curb. It’s Kurt in his silver prius giving you a happy little wave wearing the hoodie you left in his car and a Kurtsworld96 beanie.

As you walk up to his window trying to prepare yourself for the Talk, Kurt rolls down the window and yells, “hi babe! Happy Valentine’s Day! Come here, I’ve got something for you!”

You make it to the passenger side door and have to turn your head in confusion. “... are there candles in your car?”

Kurt opens your door from the inside and waves you in frantically. As you climb in, the hair on your arms stands up even more when you realize how many candles there actually are. Thankfully they aren’t lit but they are placed like he intends to. You feel Kurt press a kiss to your ear.

“Hey, to all my new Kurties out there, this is not a joke! This is my real actual girlfriend!”

Your heart sinks. Fuck, he’s streaming right now? How could you forget that he streams basically everything? You cannot have this serious conversation with the internet watching. Plus you’re still mad about the ‘fans’ who made a comprehensive foot cam compilation video from streams and your instagram and your mom's facebook album (yes, they included your childhood pics, the sick fucks). You’re still blocking DMs asking you for feet pics at least five times a day.

You don’t hear a single word coming out of Kurt’s mouth as you round on him so fast he freezes like a deer in headlights. “Turn the stream off. Now, Kurt.”

Kurt sputtered. “I-I, you said–”

“I know!” You had half heartedly agreed to let him stream part of your date the week before. “I know what I said but… just turn it off now, please.”

Kurt looks like a kicked puppy as he nods and mumbles some sort of promise to update his viewers later, then ends the stream. He looks up at you through his lashes and squirms uncomfortably in the driver’s seat.

“Can you drive to the Wok, please? The one I like…”

“Are we going to talk about–”

“Yes! But I don’t want to talk about it in the car,” you interject and slump into your seat.

The whole ride is pure, disquieting silence. You know Kurt’s racking his brain trying to figure out how to apologize even though he hasn’t done anything wrong and you mentally kick yourself. This was exactly the thing you didn’t want to happen, you knew you would fuck up and snap at him all because of your own anxiety. You just need to force yourself to be quiet and try to calm down.

Your steaming silence fuels Kurt to tiptoe around you– something he has never done before with anyone. He parks and ushers you inside, bouncing on the balls of his feet and so nervous that the host who tries to seat you raises an eyebrow. You ask for a private table and a pot of tea. The table you are given has a nice red privacy curtain and optional seating. Sighing, you throw yourself onto the bean bag and scurry to pull your skirt back down.

Kurt sits himself delicately on the edge of a neighboring bench and hesitantly asks, “...can I sit with you?”

Of course you hold your arms out to him like a moody toddler demanding to be coddled and Kurt complies with visible relief. He pulls you up so he can settle next to you, cuddling but aware of the public setting beyond the curtain.

"Okay so… what's going on?," he asks quietly.

You sigh and melt further into his side, still unsure about how to voice your concern. You are saved by the return of the server who took your food order. And now nothing stood in your way, you just have to say it.

"I…" you swallow your fear and try to meet his eyes. "I… feel… like you don't take our relationship seriously."

Kurt balked as if you had slapped him. "What do you mean?!"

"What I mean is that…" you want to back peddle your statement so much but you need to move forward. Go! Forward! "I mean that I love you, but… I hate that we only have sex in your car."

"Oh well–"

"I'm not finished, Kurt! Shush!" Your boyfriend closes his mouth and tries to stay quiet until your direction. "I hate that you only fuck me in your car and I hate that we only play videogames at our own homes for your streams and I hate when we go to influencer parties just so you can get tagged in one picture and stay for hours even though we both want to go home."

You can't look him in the eye as your problem becomes clearer in your own head. "I don't hate you, Kurt. I don't want to see other people or whatever. I just… want to do everything about the day-to-day differently!"

Kurt blinked. You had summarized your entire relationship in three short activities. The only part of your relationship that wasn't uploaded to the internet was your sex life and that is only because you asked him not to. You weren't asking him for money or clout or to meet his family. You just wanted more of him.

"I can do that," Kurt said half to himself. He bumped his head into yours and held your gaze as he said, "we can do that, we can do more. Whatever you want, babe, I promise!"

Relief washes over you and your food order arrives in time for you both to dig in. A part of you is still skeptical that lasting changes will be made, but time will tell if he'll make good on his promise to be more exciting with the relationship and not fall back and demand you go back to the 'easy' stuff.

You catch him typing up a tweet and he lets you read it before he sends it. It’s just an apology to his viewers and official announcement of the canceled Valentine’s Day stream with the reason of wanting to spend unpressured quality time with his girlfriend. You split the bill on a full belly and broke away to use the bathroom, texting a thank you to your advice friend and letting them know your talk worked out.

Kurt was waiting for you by the woman’s bathroom door and kissed you as soon as you exit. He throws an arm around your shoulder as you walk out and head back to his car which is still buried in dozens of candles. He hurries forward and in a flourish, opens the passenger door for you. It’s cheesy, sure, but cute and it does make you feel a little special.

“Gah, I need to get rid of these,” he says as he has to pick a few up from the driver’s side floor and throw them in the back. “Do you mind coming to my house real quick? I’ll dump them and then we can do whatever you want to do today, okay?”

…

Kurt's house is just fifteen minutes away and you chat about nothing the whole way but still end up making plans for a stream next week and an un-streamed nature trip. It isn't until he pulls up into his driveway that you feel those butterflies return to your stomach.

You really don't wanna meet his parents, at least not today. You know it will put your boyfriend in a bad mood anyways, but Kurt insists they shouldn't be home. He also ushers you to go inside and let him clean up by himself.

Kurt gives you the house key and you let yourself in, creeping quietly around the bungalow and checking every room for signs of life. Aside from a sleepy pitbull in the laundry room, no one's home. You catch your breath and help yourself to a drink from the fridge, picking from things you hope are Kurt's.

Meanwhile, Boyfriend runs back and forth carrying bundles of candles in his arms, some of which fall to the ground and nearly break. The dog joins in and almost trips him causing you to laugh and get a glare in return.

You don't remember falling asleep on his couch but you are awoken by a hot tongue. "...I hope that's the dog."

"It is," Kurt says as he leans over the back of the couch like he's been watching you sleep. "Ready to start a real date, sleeping beauty?"

…

The mall is a little eccentric tourist attraction and your date starts with a brand new romantic movie playing at the theater. The least packed room still has rows and rows of couples and loud kids and couples with loud kids. You and Kurt get some decent-ish seats and buckle down with all the snacks you snuck in. You are practically sitting in the same seat, your legs thrown over his and his arm around your shoulders and his other hand very unsubtly groping your upper thigh in between popping popcorn and candy into his mouth.

The movie starts and the lights come down, but the noisy crowd never truly goes quiet and the littlest kids scream in disgust every time a kiss happens. You slap Kurt with a twizzler and he retaliates by taking a bite out of it.

Your mouth brushes against his ear as you whisper. "Are you going to tell me why it took you an hour to get those candles out of your car?"

With a sly smile, Kurt just shrugs and squeezes your breast which earns him a scolding from an annoyed movie goer who caught him. After the movie ends (so stupid, 10/10), you race each other to the bowling alley and get kicked out for vaping indoors (Kurt’s fault entirely), then enter a few expensive clothes shops to try things on which almost ends with you getting dicked down in a changing room. It’s dark out when you hit up a Baskin Robbins for ice cream before heading back to his house.

Your face aches from smiling so much. In the car, Kurt pulls a bullet vibrator out of the center console and hands it to you. When you don’t move, he pushes your hand closer to you.

“What? It’s clean,” he says.

“I know it’s not clean, Kurt.” You turn it on and slip it in his pocket just as a red light turns green and watch with glee as he squirms the rest of the way back to his house.

…

Somehow– possibly due to distraction from such a blessedly fun day and anticipating sex that wasn’t in a car for once– you missed the fact that the house had lights on. Kurt was grabbing something he forgot in his trunk and you waltzed up ahead and entered the house’s side door. Instantly you are greeted by Kurt’s pitbull, waggling its tailless butt and bouncing from foot to foot.

“Hi baby! Hi!,” you coo and crouch just inside the doorway, both trying to block it and trying to get further inside which is easier said than done with a dog this strong. “Are you happy to see me? Oh, so happy! Are you doing a happy little dance with your happy little feet?! Happy, happy feet! Oh the happiest little feet!”

The dog howls in song and you imitate it playfully, only to realize there’s a middle aged man in sweatpants watching you from the kitchen. Embarrassed, you stop howling and push the dog gently across the tiles and manage to shut the door properly, hoping it doesn’t obstruct Kurt. The unknown man has lots of grays in his patchy facial hair and looks at you with confusion and disbelief, like you’re a hooligan interrupting a rich man’s dinner.

Fuck, this is totally Kurt’s dad! “...hi. I’m… Kurt’s girlfriend… he let me come over…”

“Oh,” Kurt’s dad– what the fuck is his name?- let his guard down and you wonder if he might have been calling the cops. “Well, uh, hi. It’s nice to finally meet you…”

You give him your name and Mr. Kunkle nods. “Where is Kurt, by the way? I kind of need to talk to him?”

As if hearing his name, Kurt appeared behind his father. You give him a look and he just says he was upstairs.

“Hey,” Mr. Kunkle is clearly slurring his words, “you know the club by the McDonalds with the playhouse? I need you to take me there, I have a gig tonight.”

You have never seen Kurt angry before. It scares you. Mr. Kunkle’s substance abuse problems are legitimately the only things you know about him and it hadn’t occurred to you until now the drunken sway he seemed to have just standing still, he looked like he was standing on the deck of a pirate ship. And he’s going to fuck up everything…

“Oh, you can just take the car!,” you shout abruptly.

“What,” the men ask simultaneously.

Thinking fast, you cross the kitchen and nearly push Mr. Kunkle out of your way, snatching Kurt’s keys from his pocket and shoving them into Mr. Kunkle’s hands before beginning to push him towards the front door.

“Yeah, absolutely! We wouldn’t want you to be late or anything! And you know, Kurts been sick ever since we left the mall, he should really be on the toilet or maybe in the shower in case he pukes!”

“What the fuck–” you stifle Kurt’s protests with a hand in his face and continue to shove Mr. Kunkle out the door.

“HAVE FUN, SIR!” –and then you slam the door, finally alone.

“Are you crazy? He can’t be driving my car, what you thinking,” Kurt gets in your face as you start to push him towards the stairs.

“I was thinking we can have sex without company!” Kurt stops resisting you and lets you bully him to move faster, taking the second door on the left into his bedroom with a mysterious warm glow. “I was thinking I didn’t want your dad walking in on us naked and sucking each others… K-Kurt, did you do this?”

Inside the room was quite small and contained a closet, a mattress and bedding on the floor, and a computer desk and dozens and dozens of lit candles. Arranged in a line on the edge of the desk and in clusters around the bed where they were arranged in groups of four and “stabilized” by makeshift candle holders (read: dinner plates). Smells like something woodsy (Sandalwood? Palo santo? Cedar?), hinting sweet (Mango or Apricot?) and something flowery (rose probably) hung in the air like a thick warm blanket, almost chokingly and it makes you want to open his window.

“Kurt when did you…” you turn to him for an answer and find him reaching around you to unzip your jacket and slip it off your shoulders.

“I did it while you were talking to my dad.” Kurt’s hands slide over your belly and he pulls you back against his body, swaying gently. “Do you like it? I tried to pick your favorites.”

“And that’s really sweet, baby, but… this is a fire hazard.”

Kurt scoffed. “Come on, babe, it’s not that serious! They’re not even touching the carpet!”

“I know but they’re also not far from the carpet and fuck there’s a lot of them– hold on a second, let go real quick–” you dance around the candles and throw open his window as wide as you can get it without setting yourself on fire. “Holy shit, fresh air.”

“Jesus, just–” Kurt catches you by your hip and picks you up to lay you on the bed, “- can you turn your brain off for a second and let me love on you? Please?”

Sprawled beneath him, you think about it. “...no cameras, right?”

Kurt groans louder and gets off the bed. He blows out a couple candles that nearly burn his arm as he reaches for the computer mouse to show you that nothing is being recorded. Instead, as the monitor comes awake so does the speaker, both playing the sights and sounds of some twenty-something chick getting railed by two guys. Kurt swears, slapping the keyboard in a hurry to turn it off but you’re already laughing at him.

“Okay! Point proven,” you giggle and kick your shoes off, careful to set them between the candles. “Geez, maybe we should invite one of your friends over and try that.”

“Fuck no.” Kurt slips his shirt over his head and tosses it carelessly, narrowly missing the candles and both of you wince. When he unbuckles his belt, he’s looking around for space to put his clothes and settles for under the desk. “‘M not fucking sharing you with anybody.”

“Aww,” you say as you unhook your bra and shuck your tights off without tearing them. “What about a dildo?”

Kurt nods as he unzips his jeans, your eyes immediately drawn to the bulge in his boxers. “I can do that, yeah. I think I got one, lemme look. Keep getting naked!”

Your boyfriend digs through his closet and you lie back and wait with one hand on your breast and the other between your legs, sighing contently as you finally give yourself that much needed attention that you’ve been aching for since lunch. Kurt crawls back into bed and sets the belt and toy aside before leaning on his hands and kissing you passionately. You can still taste the rocky road on his tongue from the ice cream shop, and wrap both your arms around his neck to keep him close.

Kurt does shake your kiss off to ask, “did I hear you say something about sucking each other off?”

It isn’t long before you’ve switched positions– with you on top but facing the other way, Kurt’s soft locks brushing your sensitive inner thighs while you hunker down, elbows on his hips and mouth watering. Kurt's thighs shake as you wrap your hand around him, the cold of your palm and fingers touching and stretching back the burning hot velvety skin of his shaft.

With his lips against your clit, he moans. His wide hands slide up over your ass and squeeze your cheeks, drawing your center closer so his tongue can skim and tease other parts of you, slipping between your folds and tasting your slick.

"More Kurt, please."

Kurt obliges by wetting a few fingers with his mouth and pushing them into your channel down to the knuckle.

You gasp, spit dripping out of your mouth and onto his cock, which you use to quickly coat him in and lick his tip, taking the salty pre-cum and mixing it with more spit and using your hand to spread it back down to his root and over his sack.

Impatient, Kurt bucks his hips and gags you, the tip of his cock knocking lightly against the roof of your mouth. He sighs into your throbbing clit and inserts a finger into your ass alongside the ones fucking your pussy.

"Kurt,” you cough, “don’t want you to come yet…”

He smacks your ass with the hand he was fucking your pussy with. “Get up then, babe. Can you get on all fours for me?”

“Sure,” you reply, then lay back down on your belly and second guess yourself.

Kurt focuses on lubing the dildo and figuring out how he wants to wear it. It’s cute the way his brow furrows and his lip curls, not a single real thought passing through in his brain. You pull on his wrist and take it from him by the pink shaft, and he kisses you in thanks with a strong hand on the back of your neck.

“Hey!” You throw Kurt down on the bed, his hair flopping over the corner of his mattress. His surprise changes to want as you straddle him so his happy trail tickles your sex. His voice drops deeper as he hums, “heyyy…”

“Stop fucking around and put this on,” your giggling turns into a laugh when you gently slap him with the dildo and he sputters indignantly. “Oh my god, your face!”

You laugh yourself into tears while Kurt wipes the lube that was streaked across his cheeks. He grumbles as he wraps the belt of the harness around his hips and ends up just as confused as before because usually you’re the one wearing this and it’s made to be strapped between your legs too but if he wants to use his cock too he has to wear it upside down but won’t it slip around when you’re fucking and and–

Kurt doesn’t notice you’re moving until he feels warmth envelop his hard, red cock. He looks down with wide eyes, taking you all in– arms propped behind you, legs firmly planted forward and your hips rising and falling like a perverted crab walk where you work his girth deeper into your hole.

Kurt pouts, “I wanted to fuck your pussy…”

You answer by taking him all the way to the hilt and lean forward with a mischievous head tilt and reply, “well this way, you don’t have to wear the condom you didn’t grab!”

Fair enough, he does like raw dogging. Finally, the dildo is secured over his pubs and he helps you lift up to put the tip in your pussy and sink down slowly. His hands are nearly bruising with the strength of his grip and the muscles in his arms strain because he needs you to go slow, doesn’t want to stop or pause because you hurt yourself taking too much too fast. He gulps as he feels the tip massage the top of his shaft through the thin membrane wall until you’re sat down again, properly filled.

When the two of you first became intimate, Kurt quickly came to learn that you are a tough bitch to overwhelm. The first time he pulled your hair, the first time he gagged you on his cock, the first time he groped your naked breast and bit your shoulder as he came (all occurrences performed inside of his car), you barely flinched. Unfazed by his roughness and admitting which ones you loved and which ones you would merely allow. He felt like he could never really surprise you in a good way, that he might never truly wow you during sex.

But right now? Right now you are entirely dependent on him to hold you upright. He doesn’t remember how but he’s got your arm in one hand and pulling tight to keep you from flopping over. Your breaths are shaking, whining, eyes unfocused and rolling, sweat glistening in the candlelight. He manages to pull you forward enough to catch you with a steadying hand against your collarbone, hand spanning wide thumb at the hollow of your throat and fingers curling on your shoulder.

“You okay, baby?,” he asks. You nod weakly, and he hesitantly suggests, “you feel full?”

Your answer is a pitiful whine. He has never seen you like this, so lust drunk, he doesn’t have the words to describe what is happening to you. Either way, it’s making him throb inside you. When you can support yourself (both hands planted on his hairy, sweaty chest), he caresses your body from belly to thighs.

“You wanna lie down? Babe?” He pets your forehead hoping you’ll open your eyes and you do, still floating but also tethered, like a balloon on a string. “You okay?”

“M okay,” your words are slurred. “No, I wanna be up, ‘kay…”

You start your little dance slowly. Your hips move in circles, adjusting to the dual sensation of penetration. Kurt watches you in awe. He helps you transition to lazy thrusts, biting into his bottom lip to keep himself from finishing too quickly. He loves seeing you like this. It’s not the first time you’ve ridden him but fuck, you were right that fucking on a bed is better than the cramped confines of a prius. He could actually lean back and see all of you, no fear of getting charlie horses while he’s trying to blow your back out. Just your bouncing naked tits and messy hair and no concern of being arrested for public indecency.

“Harder, Kurt,” you beg breathlessly.

“Fuck… okay baby…”

Kurt can barely hold onto you, his hands too slippery for a proper grip so he moves up to your waist and begins to thrust into you. The harder he drives himself and the dildo into you, the louder the sounds that punch out of your chest. But you’re not close enough to orgasm while he’s teetering on the edge, and while he's not put off by overstimulation, he prefers to experience it as a consequence of your sadism which he's not gonna get with your current mindless state.

"Hey," Kurt pats your cheek and shakes you in order to gain your attention. "Hey!"

He sits up unexpectedly and traps you against his chest. Between the sickly sweet heat from the candles, their overworked bodies, and the cold breeze, feeling Kurt's hot body against your stark cold nipple made you hiss and try to squirm away.

"What?, you snap, finally coming back to yourself.

"There you are! Pay attention, I'm trying to make you come," he scolds you.

Before you can say anything back, his hand slips between you and roughly begins circling your neglected clit, making you gasp. Your ass constricts around his raw cock and he falls back onto the bed as a new flood of adrenaline flows through him.

"Come on, baby…"

One slight angle adjustment later and your body shudders involuntarily. Kurt isn't sure if it's your g-spot, but he's ready to find out. His hand comes around your throat roughly as he drills into you faster and harder, reveling in the feeling of your throat constricting under his hand.

Your last noise is a wet gurgle as your eyes roll back before you come, showering his lower half in liquid and fluttering tightly on him. Kurt empties his sack quickly while you're still being rocked by aftershocks before he lowers you across his chest and pulls out.

“Holy shit that was good,” Kurt pants and chuckles at your lazy grunt.

“Is something burning?,” your voice is muffled by the sheets.

“Yeah, fucking candles– OH FUCK!”

Well shit, the carpet is on fire. Maybe catching so quickly as it fell on one of the many mystery stains in the room. Frantically, you climb off of Kurt and start using your fingers to pinch other candles out, looking over your shoulder to see the fire is growing rather slowly.

“WHAT DO WE DO?”

“HOSE, GET A HOSE.”

Kurt leaps over the other lit candles and disappears out the door. You stand up and swipe a discarded flannel shirt to wear before following him– and running directly into his dad again.

“What the fuck is going on?” Mr. Kunkle tries not to look at your nearly nude figure and barely manages to step out of the way before Kurt comes barrelling back to you, handing off the unattached garden hose.

“Attach this end to the bathroom sink and turn it on. Now, Kurt!”

You wait by the still open door and watch the free fire consume a plate full of candles and catch on edge of the mattress. The heat is getting more intense as precious seconds tick by waiting for a signal from Kurt. So of course an older woman appears also in the house who you have to presume is Kurt's mom and she had clearly seen the fire from outside judging by her hysterics.

"I got it!," Kurt finally shouts above the roar of the fire and you squeeze the trigger, dousing his entire bedroom in gallons of water until the last orange flame is extinguished.

Kurt stands behind you looking dumbfounded. "Holy shit…"

Your boyfriend's mom is red in the face. "You are in so much trouble, Kurtis. And put some fucking clothes on, young man!"

Suddenly feeling self conscious, you rewrap the flannel around your naked body and tip toe into the room to see how bad the damage is. The carpet is completely fucked: black and filling the room with some awful chemical smell that was probably going to delete some brain cells the longer you inhale it, and where the edges are browned, there is also candle wax from those fallen and consumed.

You had tried to keep the nozzle down and while the fire hadn't crept towards his computer desk, you may have fucked up the tower anyways with the spray. The mattress could technically still be slept on and suffered the least amount of damage.

But considering the fact that the bedroom is littered with evidence of sheer stupidity, you know neither of you are going to be able to make up any real excuses for this.

You gave Mr. Kunkle an awkward thumbs up and toss him a pair of boxers you found in Kurt's closet, then push the door closed as you are determined not to spend any more time barely clothed in front of his parents. And while you are sure that you will not be invited back into the house anytime soon (if ever), you smile to yourself knowing you ultimately got what you wanted for Valentine's Day.

More Valentines! | Main Masterlist

Am I proud of this one? Yeah! Is it good? ...uh I plead the fifth, its dirty and thats all that matters to me. Please leave a like, comment, and reblog to show this fic some love if you wanna see more of this!

#three bees writing #kurt kunkle smut #valentines day fic #bee's archive of fiction #black reader insert #joe keery character fiction #kurt kunkle x female reader

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dabisqueen · 1 year

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Honestly Dabi with a hero girlfriend who has an ice quirk just makes sense

They cancel each other out perfectly

He never has to suffer during summer again and she never has to worry bout being too cold during winters again. They have each other. They probably even promised each other, he’ll keep her warm and she keeps him cool. Especially if they end up overusing their quirks

And during battle, they can always face off each other and not worry bout hurting the other cuz their quirks are the complete opposite

And his gf would probably use the excuse that cuz of her quirk, she needs his jacket

It could be the hottest summer of existence and she’d still say “must be my quirk acting up again. I really wish someone had a nice warm jacket for me”

Dabi knows and just hands her his jacket knowing she won’t shut up unless he gives it to her

THIS! THis is so true. I would also feel like they always try to tease each other with their quirks. Like, while cuddling in front of the TV, just when he's totally focused on the screen, she starts trying to pile snow flakes on his arm, watching as they melt away. She's producing more, trying to get to the point where his skin is so cold where they stay.

But.

It'll never happen. Not with the heat he's packing (duh, pun).

Same with him. He's trying to get her skin to turn red by holding a tiny blue flame against it. To no avail of course.

It's just those little moments of trust that makes their relationship strong - and special.

I hope I don't sound too dumb with this idea...

💙💙💙💙

#queen answers #dabi #dabi todoroki #bnha dabi #dabi my hero academia #mha dabi #touya todoroki #todoroki touya

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thorneyes · 9 months

Text

14 associations: Rohesia Thorneyes

Animal: Rattlesnake. They don't want to bite, of course. The rattle is a warning - you're walking into danger. Step back before it becomes something you regret. There's always the moment before the strike.

Colors: Teal, brown, rust-red. Darker colors, but natural ones. Enough to stand out, to embrace some color, but without screaming for attention. She wears white, now and then, but it's not really hers in the same way.

Song: Eurus - The Oh Hellos

Number: Three. Third time's the charm, right? Or maybe it's third strike, you're out. Can't be sure until it's over.

Day or Night: Day - a golden sunset, or a cloudless sky.

Plants: There's the one really obvious answer - a wild rose. Her name practically demands it, and it's a flower that has a special place in the Final Fantasy series. It's the kind of pun that Q'ndai was playing off of, when he first took to calling her Thorneyes. But for her actual flower, a hardier desert plant - something tough, that neverthless serves the environment around it. a chuparosa bush. It still gets in the reference, but it's a little tougher, but still has its' uses - it's a hummingbird bush.

Scents: Black tea, brewed strong, with the sharp kick of spice and pepper. The astringency of cleaners and stiff starched beds, tempered with the gentler, soothing smell of a balm. The tingling near-taste of an ether.

Gemstones: Agates, particularly banded Lake Superior agates, with the iron staining. It's the kind of gem that doesn't need precise cutting to look beautiful, just being cracked open to see what's inside. Not necessarily elegant, but beautiful in its' own imperfect way.

Season: The last heat burst of summer, before it finally gives way to the sharper edge of a cold fall, where the temperatures jump around as they choose.

Places: The walkway over Revenant's Toll, the one with a view of the whole region. Not exactly home, but it's a good spot to think.

Foods: Steamed bream and Ala Mhigan hotpot, spiced as liberally as she can get away with.

Eorzean Deity: Azeyma. At one point it might have been Rhalgr, but she's never lived close enough to any true believers or Monks to truly internalize the worship of the Destroyer, and the Garleans' disdain for 'savages' didn't help any. The sun is just as relentless, by her ken.

Eorzean Elements: Earth. As a conjurer, she's most often reaching for the elements of earth, water, and air, and earth is the one she aspects most towards, and where she feels comfortable. It's easier to find, easier to ground herself in. It may not be easy to move, but that's what she wants, in her casting. Resolute solidity.

Drink: A Moscow Mule - or for Eorzea, A Draft Chocobo.

TAGGED BY:@sae-mian!

TAGGING: @umbralaether, @boggleoflight. @alexissero, @lettersnorth, @parttimexiv. As always, being kind of random with it, so if you do steal it from me, please tag me ovo

#prompt response #thorneyes #I did maybe write. An amount more than I needed to

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loganinthecorner · 2 years

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Howdy there users of this app that I have yet to use consistently.

I have appeared to talk about something that I’m shocked I haven’t noticed yet in a special interest of mine, Undertale. Like really. Like how has no one pointed this out yet. People picked this game apart like freaking vultures I’m surprised this isn’t common knowledge

That being said it could be common knowledge and I could just be stupid BUT STILL.

Okay so we all know the main locations in Undertale: The Ruins, Snowdin, Waterfall, and Hotland. People have picked apart the names and the places and the people living in these places, from the ridiculous amount of puns Snowdin holds to the foreshadowing in The Ruins to the mess that is The Core in Hotland to… just everything in Waterfall honestly. Waterfall is weird. But I noticed something in Snowdin, specifically in Sans’ puzzle, that I was shocked I haven’t noticed before.

I’ll cut it off so some people don’t have to look at my rambles-

We’ve all seen the Monster Kidz Word Search that Sans clearly worked hard on, and I was bored, so I tried to solve it. Most of the stuff is random references and stuff that has nothing to do with anything, but I noticed something that confused me. Monsters don’t even have a day/night cycle, but if you look at the weird search, they apparently have seasons???

So I decided to analyze this, and I was thinking, and I figured it out

The locations in undertale are based off the seasons

In The Ruins, it’s based off of fall. Everything is kinda deadish, abandoned, and overgrown, and there are moths and frogs and spiders everywhere. Spider eggs hatch inbetween summer and fall (I think), moths and bugs are kinda everywhere, and idk why I think the frogs are important to this I just think that. Also Halloween. Also the dead tree in front of Toriel’s house with all the dead leaves. Also, just Toriel in general. She loves teaching, baking, and she keeps everything very safe. She’s the kinda person who you’d sip warm cider with by her pleasantly warm fireplace as she reads it a bedtime story, which has such cute cottagecore fall vibes I can’t even deal-

Then Snowdin, which is obvious but I’m explaining it anyway. It’s winter. There’s snow everywhere, the dogs are all kinda big fluffy husky type dogs that you’d associate with the cold, and there is literally a Christmas tree in the middle of Snowdin Town. A Christmas tree. People are bundled up nice and warm, and Grilby’s feels like a warm little cottage that you’d want to hide away from the cold in if it weren’t for the fact that is full of drunks. Also Sans and Papyrus’ house looks like something out of a winter rom-com.

Waterfall is based off of spring. There’s flowers and greenery everywhere, there’s rivers running to and fro about the place, and there’s even a little bird friend there! The residents of Waterfall are either very childlike or old and somewhat wise (like Gerson!), which is reminiscent of new beginnings. It’s also raining constantly, and everything has a sort of calm atmosphere. And then Undyne is like a spring storm, she’s very persistent and scary, but she dies out as soon as summer comes.

Finally, Hotland is summer. It’s a very extreme summer, with lava running underfoot that somehow still can’t melt the snow on Sans’ checkpoint’s roof, but it’s still summer. Here the residents are teenagers hoping for an escape from school and adults looking for an escape from work, which they’re granted by the puzzles activating. There’s also Mettaton, who’s the life of every party ever and who’s boss battle is basically a summer concert. Alphys… I don’t really have an explanation for her contribution to this. But that doesn’t make it less summery let me have this okay-

So yea. The locations are based on the seasons. Thank you for reading my over-analysis of the word search that led me to a conclusion that’s probably common knowledge. Have a good day

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avid-adoxography · 1 year

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I've decided to take my comment on this prompt and turn it into a separate thing because I got self conscious I'd rather have my headcanons as standalone posts, so I can immediately find them without having to dig in an ocean of reblogs uwu

And with all of this said, here's

My F/Os and how they like their coffee ☕

Macchia: If he’s “chilling” at home, it’s moka time, as per the purest Italian tradition. Dark roast type, specifically 85% Arabica blend and 15% Robusta, but a 100% Arabica will do too. If he’s on the go, then he usually allows himself a macchiato instead (me? basing head-canons on puns?? I don’t know what y'all’re talking about hdjdnk). However, when he seriously needs caffeine, usually when working on some big project, then he goes for a Dead eye (regular coffee with three shots of espresso).

Sturm: Back when he was still alive (and with a functional mouth) he used to be a Ness (instant coffee) kinda guy. It’s cheap, quick and basically always available no matter the circumstances. Heavily laced with sugar ofc. On special occasions however, or when visiting relatives or friends, it was customary to enjoy a Cafea Turceasca (Turkish coffee) together and try to read the future in the particulate bitters on the bottom of the cup for a laugh.

Lord Kardok: Drambuie coffee topped with whipped cream. With lots of Walkers shortbread. In alternative, especially during winter times, an Egg coffee (Robusta coffee, sugar, condensed milk and egg yolk) will do. A centaur warlord needs to meet his calories intake ya know uwu

HoKi: For the meme, I’d say he likes his coffee just how he likes his soul: dark and bitter. In truth, while not much of a habitual coffee drinker, he’s a Cortado (espresso shot served with an equal amount of steamed milk) enthusiast because 1. A lich needs his calcium and 2. The milk to coffee ratio helps keeping his acidic stomach at bay (yes I did diagnose him with GERD, whatcha gonna do about it? >:3c)

Greg: He’s a Starbucks enjoyer (derogatory), not because the coffee is actually good, but simply because they fill it with all kinds of sweet stuff. He always goes for a Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha. Size Venti. With honey. Yeah… If for whatever reason he has to go to a regular bar, then he’ll go for a Mocaccino or a Café miel (coffee drink consisting of steamed milk, cinnamon, nutmeg, vanilla and honey).

Oliver: Another Starbucks enjoyer. Salted Caramel Cream Cold Brew, size Grande, blended, 4 sugar free vanilla syrup pumps and salted brown butter topping. Except in summer, when he switches to the Shakerato (iced coffee drink made with one shot of espresso and ice cubes, shaken together creating a froth).

Attila: Cappuccino and Flat latte lover on main! Always accompanied with a home made croissant or muffin. Or two. Non negotiable.

#this was fun and so nice for some extra characterization! <3 #gotta do more of this kinda stuff when i get the chance to uwu #f/o: macchia nera (the blot)#f/o: sturm #f/o: lord bhaltair kardok #f/o: king cornelius (the horned king)#f/o: greg madsen #f/o: oliver veenstra #f/o: attila buckethead #avid-theorem #<- new tag for headcanons‚ yippee!

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 1 month

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Comedy hours I’ve seen or heard in the last little while:

The Delightful Sausage – Cold Hard Cache (2017)

I liked this one so much, I should have watched it earlier. Last summer I watched their 2022 show Nowt But Sea, and liked it a bit but thought it’s not really my sort of thing, my bid to expand my horizons beyond straight stand-up wasn't going great. Then recently I watched Ginster’s Paradise and liked it a lot, and thought it helped a lot that I watched that one second, so I sort of knew what to expect, and could get into it more easily. This is the third Delightful Sausage show I’ve watched (though the first, chronologically), and my favourite of the three. This was the one that made me decide I definitely want to put them on my list of potential people to see in Edinburgh this year.

I listen to a lot of audio-only comedy, and often, even when I watch comedy where I can see the person, I don’t get much out of the visual aspects (which is probably why I generally prefer straight stand-up to more alternative things, as the latter tends to have far more visual elements and those don't usually do much for me). But in this case, I was so glad I could see both performers the whole time (the video’s on NextUp), as that added so much. They’ve got such good chemistry together, and the little looks they gave each other and the audience after the jokes were so funny, the cheeky grins when they’ve done something “risky”. I felt like I could watch those two throw jokes and lines and looks at each other all day. It’s so much fun. It made me laugh a bunch of times, including a whole bunch of times when the initial joke would raise a smile and then the tag would get an actual laugh out of me. It felt really well written that way, all the humour in every little moment mined out of it. It’s a silly show full of giggling about how things kept going wrong, but in fact I’m pretty sure they planned and perfectly hit every note.

They were both delightful (pun not intended, in fact I tried to avoid this pun by thinking of another word to use here, but I just can’t think of a word that more accurately describes them) and this whole hour was so much fun.

Stuart Goldsmith – Like I Mean It (2018)

This is the second Stuart Goldsmith stand-up hour I’ve seen, because I think he’s an incredibly talented interviewer, his podcast gives fascinating insights but also just makes me like him, so I wanted to see his stand-up and like him there too. And I did, he comes off as very likeable in both stand-up shows. But I watched the first of them (though the second, chronologically) last year – I Need You Alive – and I found a lot of the material fairly boring. A lot of that is on me – I have an aversion to stand-up that revolves too much around parenting and married life and home ownership, for the obvious reason that none of it applies to me so I don’t really connect to the material. A really good comedian can transcend this and make me laugh even if I don’t personally relate (Mark Watson has made me nearly cry laughing at stories about his kids), but that takes a lot, and Stuart Goldsmith didn’t really do it. It was okay. It would probably be funnier to someone who actually has kids, and has had a kitchen renovated, and the various other mundane topics he covered in I Need You Alive.

I realized afterward that Stuart Goldsmith’s special never really had a chance with me, because I’ve spent so many hours listening to him deconstruct so many different types of stand-up with so many different comedians, and because of this, I went into that show with expectations way too high. I thought, this guy knows everything about how stand-up comedy works, so I’m sure when he does his own stand-up comedy, it will hit every high point and avoid every pitfall since he knows where they all are. But obviously that’s not how anything works. Pretty much no matter what the show turned out to be, I’d find it disappointing compared to expectations.

I did think the ending of I Need You Alive was pretty strong, when he got away from the more day-to-day stories and did a longer thing about a broader picture of life and ambition and the difference between our public and private selves. There might be a problem these days with some comedy trying to be too grandiose and philosophical and falling flat, but actually, I think Stuart Goldsmith’s a bit the opposite, he’s better when he lets himself try to take on a bit of philosophy.

This was also true in Like I Mean It, which I watched today (and that’s why this is the longest section of the post, it’s the show that’s most fresh in my mind so I have the most to say), and decided to do the opposite of last time. I happened to see that it was free on YouTube, was curious to see what it was like, so I deliberately went into it with no set expectations. As such, I enjoyed it a fair bit more than I enjoyed I Need You Alive, even though I think the latter is probably an objectively better show. Like I Mean It is mainly the same marriage- and parenthood-based stuff as I Need You Alive, but done by a comedian who’d had five fewer years to develop his skills, and without the particularly strong ending. Though it did also have a few bits where he got broader in his perspective and a bit more into sociological analysis, and those were, again, my favourite bits. He’s good when he goes big.

So it’s probably not the best show in the world, but I found that it was more fun when I just relaxed and had a small laugh about baby yoga or whatever he was talking about. Actually, I have to give credit to the opening routine, which was about escape rooms, and I wouldn’t have expected any routine about escape rooms could be all that funny, and it wasn’t very funny, but it was funnier than I’d have expected, given the topic. “Funnier than I’d have expected, given the topic” can describe a fair bit about the show.

Tom Mayhew – I, Tom Mayhew (2020)

I tried watching this about a year ago, got distracted five minutes in, gave up as I hadn’t been enjoying it that much. Was recently reminded of it, tried it again, got to the end, greatly enjoyed it. It’s almost like we shouldn’t judge a comedy hour on its first five minutes. And on the re-watch, I’ve remember that the first five minutes weren’t even bad or anything, it was just a normal level of a comedy show taking a few minutes to set up the premise.

It’s an hour that’s mostly on class issues (from the working class perspective), covering a bunch of other topics but tying them all back into the class thing, sometimes in ways that aren’t immediately obvious and that were neat connections. It’s a perspective you don’t hear a lot in comedy, the jokes are spaced out nicely, and it helps that his persona is really likeable (sort of awkwardly self-effacing in the way he talks and throws out jokes, but also really sure of the actual points he makes). It’s a nice show and it’s free on YouTube. There’s another version of it on NextUp, and I actually liked it enough to end up watching both because I thought it was worth seeing twice, and I like the YouTube version better. But they’re pretty similar and it’s a good show.

Lily Phillips – Smut (2022)

I found some parts of this one quite funny, others not so much. The premise is talking really candidly/at times explicitly about what goes on with women’s bodies, which is the sort of thing that it’s good to do. She had some stories about working in various appearance-centric jobs (being a Disney Princess, and an MMA ring girl, among other things) that were depressing but also, I thought, really funny. And she had some long riffs on some other things that I didn’t get into as much.

Olga Koch – Comes From Money (2024)

I won’t go into detail on this one because it’s still at the WIP stage, I just need to say that in its current form it’s one of my favourite shows I’ve heard. It’s the fifth full comedy hour I’ve heard from Olga Koch, I’ve enjoyed all of them but Prawn Cocktail was particularly good, and this feels like a big step up from that, it’s really really strong. This and Nish Kumar’s are my two favourites of all the new 2024 shows I’ve heard so far (Sam Campbell should probably be listed here too, I'm excepting him on the technicality that I think my favourite of his current material was done in Edinburgh in 2023), I believe they are both going to burn down all the buildings in Edinburgh this summer. Edinburgh will crumble into dust. Metaphorically. Is that what you say in comedy? When I was coaching wrestling, when we traveled for tournaments we used to say we were going down there to burn [City] to the ground, [City] will not exist anymore by next week because we will have incinerated it with how strong our team is. Whatever the arts equivalent is of that sort of language, I think they’re going to do that this summer. I might be letting on too much how I basically view the Edinburgh Festival as the National Championships of comedy, and in reality, that analogy is probably not as accurate as it seems in my head. Look, I don’t want to get into the content of a WIP show so I can’t say anything about it except this weird rant about arson, I’m just saying it’s so good that it makes me want to use sports metaphors. Sports metaphors that involve fires.

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fumikomiyasaki · 11 months

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ⓦ for our muses sharing a watermelon at a picnic table

Adam & Carol

Summer Starters

Even if she disliked the summer heat, at least there was always ways to counter it... and also she at least needed to get a little of this sun energy... and so she invited Adam to a nice picnic, finding a good picnic table slightly covered by the tree... She placed many different cold fruits and drinks on the table preparing it a little as he stopped by.

"Just at the right time, I was just done with it all... it might not be special but I hope you like it."

"I never can say no to food, even if you are probably tastier."

She grew red at this comment. Hiding her face behind her hands.

"D-don't get me into my weird thoughts again... sit down and enjoy. I brought hopefully enough for us both."

Instead of sitting on the other side of the table, he sat next to her, both of them enjoying the shade of the tree while grabbing some of the fruits... eventually he offered her one half watermelon.

"We could eat it together. If you want to..."

With a firm nod she smiled and took the other side of it... both of them munching on it untill meeting in the middle cheek against cheek... he leaned close to kiss her, feeling a bit how he tried to lick some of the water from her lips away...

"Now you are as red as the watermelon." A bright smile from his she sighed a little.

"You really have it out for me today huh?..."

She smirked a little looking back at him... taking a small bite from one banana on the table before putting her hands on his cheeks, looking into his eyes.

"I could turn you as red as a strawberry too..."

Without hesitation she leaned fully against him and let her lips linger back on his... having his arm around her fully giving into the sweet taste of the previous fruit she ate, growing red as she giggled a little after the kiss was done.

"Guess I was sucessfull."

"I am glad you don't mind the fruit puns that much."

"Whats the worst they can do, make me sigh a little sure... people should loosen up more... I always told my parents if I want a boyfriend, a little humor would be great."

"Speaking of Family."

He ate another strawberry and then looked down at her a little hesitant.

"What is it?"

"Applecakes, would you accompany to my kingdom during summer vacation? I would be happy to introduce you to them."

She fumbled with her fingers nervous.

"I would but... isn't it a bit odd... royal families I heard often expect you to bring potential suitors not just a girlfriend."

"So? I want you to get to know them a little. They should know the one I love."

She let out a deep breath but then cuddle against him a little.

"Alright... then I would be happy to join you, Adam... just tell me if I need to pack anything appropriate in clothing or something."

He chuckled a little putting his hand on her head.

"Then lets enjoy the rest of the sweet taste you brough me, alright?"

#twisted wonderland oc #twst oc #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland ocs #twst #disney twst #twst ocs #twistedwonderland #twistedwonderlandoc #carol ann #carol x adam

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13xwishes · 1 year

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Imma play dirty too and [insert all of the munday questions here] ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Munday questions! || { Accepting } || @ofthepuzzle

//Copycat. Just cause I did it to you... But I'm gonna do it anyway just cause :P//

⭐️ - Who are some characters that remind you of yourself?

Sometimes I reflect on many characters based on their actions and personality. Like Zuko, I tend to make mistakes an struggle but overcome my obstacles. Like Bloodgood, I strive to be a good leader and make the best decisions when I’m given the opportunity. But I would have to say for overall, I feel like Abbey Bominable I relate to the most as a whole. (See this for why). The only difference is that my element would be fire.

💕 - What’s something that never fails to make you happy?

Music. Music always puts me in a good mood or helps me reflect my mood. It gives me freedom and release in my mind. Also, sitting on or by the beach in the perfect weather, painting or drawing a new idea.

🌷 - What’s a few candle scents you like?

Angel's Whispers (no pun intended), Tropical Blossoms, both by Glade. But my all time favorite is "Love always wins" by Bath and Body Works, the special Pride candle.

🎁 - What is your ideal gift for yourself?

A new apartment in Cali? ^^; Well something a bit more reachable at the moment, a moped so i can stop taking the bus and train.

💭 - What’s on your mind right now?

Figuring out getting the new job and place to start my new life in the San Fransisco Bay Area. I got accepted into grad school so I'm making that move! I'm also thinking how to be more consistent on the things i wanna do like art. And of course, how to spend my birthday this year cause it's coming up on the 26th!

👀 - Name a series you’ve recently started!

The Dragon Prince (Netflix), Why Women Kill (Paramount +) and Woke (Hulu)

🫂 - Who is your top five (ten, twenty) favorite characters?

Oh damn, lets leave it with 5 for now cause I don't wanna make this post long XD

Jason Todd/Red Hood (Arkham Verse) My Husband!

Adrien Agreste/Chat Noir

Luka Couffaine/Viperion,

Abbey Bominable,

Harley Quinn

💪 - Quick, name something you’re proud of!

My brother becoming city councilman, my dedication to my art, my writing skills and my ability to critique properly without giving hate.

🫧 - What’s a few things that make you feel relaxed and comfortable?

Adding onto the second question: ocean waves, a thunderstorm, hot cup of tea or cocoa, writing down ideas i get, 90s sitcoms, shipping and gazing at the stars.

🍃 - If you had to pick a season for it to be all year long, what would you pick?

Summer!!! I maybe a fall baby, but i love it when it's hot outside! The cold never stop bothering me everyday DX!

🌈 - What is something you enjoy about yourself? What is something others have said they enjoy about you?

I'm glad I'm not afraid to speak my mind because before I would hide away and think about what others would think of me. But I know what I say matters and I know when NOT to say things. I'm more glad to control it.

🍰 - What is a dessert you can’t get enough of?

Gingerbread cheesecake! I love how I make it and how it comes out. I make it on occasions and we (the family and I) always cry when it's all gone.

🎨 - What is your favorite color combination?

Lavender, Magenta, Cyan and Gold or Halloween Palettes.

💎 - Do you like to wear bracelets and/or other jewelry?

Only on occasions. On a regular basis, I usually just wear earrings. Mainly the hoops.

❤️ - This isn’t a question, I just wanted to say that I love seeing you on my dashboard!

#ooc #meme #munday #ofthepuzzle #🌟 { behind the smoke and mirrors – about the mun } 🌟#🌟 { the voice of the lantern — mun speaking } 🌟#🌟 { Against the Rules – Do Not Reblog } 🌟#//sorry for the long post!#//but now i wanna see yours!!

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ooffies · 3 years

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ᴋᴀᴇʏᴀ, ᴄʜɪʟᴅᴇ, ᴠᴇɴᴛɪ, xɪᴀᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʟʙᴇᴅᴏ ᴀꜱ ᴘᴀʀᴇɴᴛꜱ (ᴀɴᴅ ᴘᴀʀᴛɴᴇʀꜱ)

characters x gn!reader, modern AU

a/n: this wasn’t edited/proof read so I apologize if there are any errors

warnings: none

requested by no one

tagging @genshin-obsessed (heyyy pocket lmao- 🍷❤)

Tip jar

Kaeya → the cool dad

He’s a very chill parent (pun intended)

Has rules but is very loose with them

Just cause he’s the cool parent doesn’t mean he’s not strict at times (he can be very strict if needed)

He’s a very affectionate and doting parent, always showering the kids with love and hugs

Spoils both you and the kids, he can’t help it cause he just loves you guys so much

All of your kid’s friends call him dad and constantly say they wish they had a cool dad like Kaeya

Always willing to drive the kids somewhere or take them out for a day if you need a break

He still makes sure you two get alone time together and takes you on dates frequently

Sneaks kisses whenever he can. A peck on your cheek or your lips, he also loves seeing your reaction to his surprise kiss

Family game night is a tradition for your family and Kaeya is the king of losing on purpose to make is kids smile

He absolutely loved playing with kids when they were younger and you still often find them playing fighting in the backyard when they come to visit

He really tries to be the best father he can and sometimes puts way to much pressure on himself

Loves styling the kid’s hair and will let them play with his hair. Sometimes you'll walk downstairs and be greeted by Kaeya with a head full of bows, hair clips and mini ponytails.

Whenever the kids would have nightmares he’d go into their room and fight the “nightmare” monster. He’d come out of the room 3 minutes later and tell the kids he beat it with his super awesome sword skills

Childe → the tries too hard to be hip and trendy with kids dad

First off he is a very doting dad, he loves his children so much and calls them his precious babies and often says he cannot live without them

He’s very much a *ahem* malewife *AHEM* (don’t try to change my mind, it will not change no matter what you say). Even though he’s hella rich he wants to spend all the time he can with his kids.

He cooks, cleans, packs the kid’s lunches in the morning and makes sure to give you a kiss whenever you return home from work and say “How was your day at work babe?”

He really, and I mean really, tries to be cool with kids. Spends time looking into “the latest and hip’ trends that all the kids are hopping on. They thought he was the coolest when they were younger but now they call him cringe and say he’s trying too hard and that he’s cool just the way he is.

It broke his old man's heart when they said it to him the first time and he cried for 30 minutes straight, you made them apologize to him even though you know they meant no ill intentions. Now calling him cringe is a family joke :)

Encourages the kids to learn something that will “help them wins fights and emerge victorious from all the battles they fight”

You put a quick stop to that and told the kids that they can do any activities they want

He’s still very supportive of what they choose to do and will always be their number one supporter

He’s a big cuddler and often initiates family cuddle piles.

Venti → wine dad

Chill dad #2. He wants his kids to be free and be who they are. You still set some basic ground rules for them.

Very doting and affectionate and will always give you and the kids all his love

Stopped drinking as much when they kids were born/adopted

He acts like a wine aunt (hence wine dad)

LOVES reading the kids bedtime stories but this also became a family activity since you’d always accompany him. He’ll also sing them lullabies and he’ll sing you lullabies every night too

Even when your kids are older he’ll still read them stories and sing to them.

Doesn’t really like to do household chores but he’ll do them for you (He will complain though)

He does enjoy cook though and likes to help make dinner for special occasions/holidays

He will teach his kids how to play instruments and sing. He won’t force them into it but wants them to at least try it

Get’s pouty if the kids get taller him and will tell them to stop growing or he’s gonna steal their height

Another family tradition you guys have is weekend picnics. Venti usually chooses the location because he somehow finds all the prettiest places in town. He would tell the kids it was his magic talent when they were younger.

Encourages the kids to go to summer camp so they can “build unforgettable memories and be closer to nature. (But really he just wants to have some alone time with you)

Xiao → the emo dad

On the outside he seems cold and very un-affectionate but oh boy he’s quite the opposite

He’s willing to do anything for you and the kids because you guys are the most important things in the world to him

He’s also somewhat of a malewife too but it was completely his choice. He just wanted to take care of his family.

He doesn’t like it when you come home from work and start doing chores. He’ll force you to sit down and relax. He’ll say that he’s got everything under control and there no need for you to stress yourself over chores

The main way he shows you and the kids affection is through acts of service.

Like I said before he’ll do the majority of the household chores, the kids also have their few assigned chores (and you help out with chores if he lets you)

He’ll help the kids with their homework, make them lunch, read them bedtime stories, brush their hair for them, take care of them when they’re sick, ect.

Only shows a limited amount of affection in public. He’ll hold your hand and carry the kids but that’s about it

In private however he is willing to accept all the affection you and the kids give him

He often struggles helping his kids out when it comes to emotional problems/issues but he always does his best. He’s always there to a lend an ear

He’s not vocal about it or always showing it but he’s your guy’s number one supporter.

Evening walks after dinner is a family tradition you guys have had ever since the kids started walking.

When they were young he’d let them sit on shoulders and would give them piggyback rides

He can be very strict and overprotective sometimes but that’s just cause he wants the best for his kids

Albedo → the art dad

He may not be the best at giving affection but he is a very supportive and doting dad

He likes draws pictures for the kids, even when their older he still does because he said seeing their smile when he give his art to them is a very special and happy feeling that he never wants to go away

Helps out with household chores but absolutely despises mopping.

He’s always there to listen to the kids talk about their latest obsessions/interests

He’s not very good at comforting but he really does try too

Makes you guys take family photos every so he can paint them later

Teaches the kids about art and alchemy if they show interest in either

When they were young he used to make kid safe experiments for them

Road trips are a family tradition. Albedo enjoys them cause he gets to draw the pretty scenery and thinks it’s one of the best to to spend quality time with family

He wakes up like a mom so whenever the kids would wake him when they’d have a nightmare he’d get startled and almost launch himself out of bed with a high pitched screech

Encourages the kids to have playdates with their friends often (he actually just wants more alone time with you)

He’s also the type of parent that draws on the walls with the kids when he finds them doing it. And yes he doesn’t care if they’re using sharpie he’ll still join in. Yes you’ve scolded all them multiple times and no they never learn their lesson, Albedo too. He always promises that he’ll “clean” it up which results in most of the wall in the house being murals cause his “cleaning up” is just him painting over it.

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tastesoftamriel · 3 years

Note

I know you've done several Cheeses of Tamriel, but what about Cheese*cakes* of Tamrel? I uh... might have a slight obsession with cheesecake (it's so good!)

Oh, one of my favourite desserts, the humble cheesecake is worth scouring Tamriel for! While some races like Argonians don't customarily use cheese in their food, it always manages to find its way into local treats such as these...

Altmer

Moreish. Fluffy. Melt-in-your-mouth. These are but few words when I could sing the praises of Alinor-style chilled cheesecake all day. The cheesecake, usually made from a mix of sheep and cow milk soft cheeses, is lightly frozen to an ice cream-like texture within a fresh choux puff shell. Swirled through with berry compote, vanilla, and topped with fresh fruit like peaches and lychees, this is a truly exceptional dessert when paired with a sparkling dessert wine.

Argonians

Black Marsh isn't a particularly hospitable climate for raising cattle, so cheese is a pricey commodity that mostly richer Argonians have access to. I once had a cheesecake at the upper-crust (no pun intended) inn in Lilmoth, which was made from imported Cyrodiilic cheese. What made it special was the use of local ingredients, like the saltrice crust sweetened with scuttlebloom nectar, and the to-die-for passionfruit jelly on top.

Bosmer

Cheesecake is one of the few desserts that the Green Pact Bosmer can indulge in, and they do so often! The milk of mammoths fed on sugar beets and cane is sweet and makes a delicious soft cheese. Studded with bacon bits and baked until firm, this sweet-and-salty treat is a dessert experience like no other in Tamriel.

Bretons

Nobody does the classic biscuit-based cheesecake quite like they make it in High Rock. The freshest of fresh cream cheese is sweetened with beet sugar, sometimes swirled through with chocolate or jams, and served atop a homemade caramel biscuit base (sometimes with a drizzle of melted chocolate or custard, because why not). The best part? It's great served hot or cold! If you want to try an easier (but just as tasty) variant, have a go at making my High Rock Fluffy Cheesecake.

Dunmer

The scuttle cake made by the Dunmer is, unsurprisingly, burnt. This isn't a joke, the burning is intentional...and delicious. Scuttle is whipped until fluffy with kwama eggs, sweet marshmerrow, and is then baked until dark brown with a caramelised surface. It doesn't look the most appealing, but it tastes absolutely divine!

Imperials

Oh beloved lemon cheese tart of Chorrol, how you haunt my dreams every night I do not eat you! Ahem. Yes, it's that good. The base is made from leftover biscotti that's been soaked in brandy overnight, and the lemon ricotta filling is zesty and tart without being overly sweet. Other popular seasonal flavours include blackberry in summer, and pumpkin in autumn, but lemon has a special place in my heart.

Khajiit

I adore a specific bakery in Riverhold that makes these delicious cheesecake slices soaked in caramelised moon sugar and cinnamon syrup. Creamy soft cheese is layered between filo pastry to create a stacked cake that's airy and has a nice bit of crunch to it too. Be sure to have a slice if you're ever in Elsweyr!

Nords

Aside from quark cake, we Nords also love making goat cheese cheesecakes, which are lighter in consistency and flavour than cow's milk cheeses. We beat together fresh chevre, eggs, sugar, and snowberry jam, and bake it atop a simple biscuit crust. It's served warm with snowberry preserves or jazbay jam, and a sprinkle of powdered sugar. Served with a shot of schnapps, it's a classic homey dessert loved across the Province, and even has an Altmer seal of approval!

Orcs

I mentioned the echatere cream cheese tarts beloved by Orcs across northern Tamriel, but Wood Orc timber mammoth cheesecakes are also worth writing home about! Unlike the Bosmer, Wood Orcs use regular, farmed timber mammoth milk that's sweetened with honey. It's poured into clay ramekins and baked to remove the strong mammoth odour which usually comes with unpasteurised milk, with the end result being a sweet, creamy pudding. It's served hot, with a sprinkle of brown sugar for those with a sweet tusk.

Redguards

Since goat milk is the primary staple in Hammerfell, it stands to reason that the Redguards also make a goat cheese dessert. A traditional Hegathe confection is a firm slice of chilled, whipped goat cheese mousse that's sweetened and flavoured with cardamom, rose and pistachios. It's sandwiched between two amazingly thin wafers of puff pastry, and drizzled with honey and rosewater to serve. Truly delightful!

#Asks #Cake #Cheesecake #Cheese #Food #Dessert #World building #Worldbuilding #Tes #The Elder Scrolls #Tastes of Tamriel #tastesoftamriel

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gojos-sidepiece-69 · 3 years

Text

Bedtime Stories- Nanami x Reader Oneshot

Word Count: 3108 words

Prompt: “Now I just know this man would ask you to keep reading out loud while he quietly gave you head under the bedsheets.”

It was a relatively quiet day for you. Being a semi-grade 1 sorcerer and a teacher at Jujutsu Tech proved to have its rough patches; however, today was not one of those days. You were seated in the teacher's lounge, going over a lesson plan that you had prepared days earlier for the students when Gojo strolled into the small room. "I see you have plenty of time on your hands today, y/n," he smirked.

You rolled your eyes at him. "Ijichi didn't have any cases for me today, and the first years were supposed to be training with you, so I have a free day," you muttered. Suddenly you felt the urge to leave the room. You and Gojo have always irritated each other. However, Satoru had a little personal game to annoy the hell out of you with every chance he got.

As you looked away from his blindfolded eyes, you could practically feel his pathetic little smirk plastered on his lips. You tried to mind your business by reading a book that Nanami had lent you. No matter how much you tried, you could feel Satoru's eyes burning holes onto the back of your head in the uncomfortable silence. You cleared your throat and sharply turned your head to the looming buffoon. "I'm sorry. Is there something you need, Satoru?" You asked sweetly.

"Am I bothering you? I can leave… but now that you mention it, I think a cup of coffee sounds extraordinarily great right now," he grinned. He lazily walked over to the counter and loudly clinked a cup on the smooth surface. You gritted your teeth and focused your attention on the book about expelling special-grade curses.

After a few minutes of Gojo loudly bustling around the room, you roughly shot up out of your chair and swiftly exited the room. "Have a great rest of your day!" Gojo yelled over his shoulder. "Piss off," you muttered as you walked down the hallway. You knew he would hear you even as you walked down the hall, and as if on queue, you listened to his laugh echo the room.

As you made your way to the teacher's headquarters, you stopped to sit down at a nearby resting area. You exhaled a sigh of relief at the sense of peace and quiet that you had finally attained. You closed your eyes and breathed in the sweet summer air flowing around you. At times like these, you wished you were sitting in a comfortable home with no one to worry about except yourself.

Alas, that was not your current situation. Your students were your priority, and they felt almost like family; therefore, you were always nervous about them, mainly when it was Gojo's time to train them. Your mind began to wander, and you noticed the slight texture of your book in your hands. You lightly dragged your fingertips across the leathered book cover.

You and Nanami were reasonably close and more so as the summer days passed by. At this point, you considered each other as friends with benefits, although you both knew you were lying to yourselves. The sex was phenomenal, but you've always wanted something more than the title of 'just friends who fucked each other from time to time.'

Nobody was currently aware of the relationship that you two had. However, Gojo had his suspicions from time to time, making lewd comments when you and Nanami were near each other. You opened your eyes and shook your head to clear your thoughts. Enough fantasizing, you scolded yourself.

You walked silently to your bedroom, admiring the beautiful oranges and purples that began to blend into the evening sky. You slid open the doors to your room and quickly padded over to your large window. You carefully set Nanami's book onto your bedside table. Being a teacher here at Jujutsu Tech did have its benefits, as it had a great view of the city, you thought. You strolled around your room aimlessly before landing in the bathroom.

You disrobed your issued teacher's uniform and dressed into something much more comfortable, which consisted of a shirt three sizes too big for you and grey sweatpants- it was definitely a sweatpants kind of day for you. You jumped onto your bed and huffed as a wave of exhaustion suddenly overcame you. I need to get a grip on myself; I didn't even do anything today, you thought.

You tucked yourself into bed at 8:00 pm, book in hand. It was still early, yes, but there was nothing to do besides reading and lounge in the teacher's room, which was something you were not going to do again. As your eyes danced across the pages of the old book, you heard a slight knock echo into your room.

Your eyes scrunched in confusion. You hadn't expected any visitors tonight. As you opened the door, you looked up to see an even more exhausted Nanami.

A wave of surprise coursed through your body and heat began to pool between your legs. Were you going to have sex again? You wondered. Nanami looked down on you and cleared his throat. "Can I stay here for a bit? I'd rather not deal with reporting the exorcised curse to Satoru right now," he sighed.

You tried to hide your embarrassing disappointment by walking back into your bed." Sure go ahead, stay as long as you'd like." As he entered your room, he walked straight over to a small couch seated by the window.

You shifted uncomfortably in your bed and resumed reading. Like your earlier experience with Gojo, you could not focus on a single word when Nanami was so close to you (with supremely different emotions stirring up inside you).

Nevertheless, you stared at the textured pages, now studying a picture of the general makeup of a curse. You had finally gotten comfortable with Nanami in the same room as you when you heard his chair screech on the wooden floor.

Your eyes shot up to his. However, he paid no attention to you as he quietly sat down on your side of the bed. You shut your book and looked up at him with lustful eyes. You were hungry for him.

At this point, the sexual tension was practically drowning you two in the bedroom. "I…" Nanami began, but your colliding bodies soon cut it off.

You had had enough, you pulled Nanami into a passionate kiss, and a small moan escaped your lips. Nanami did not hesitate; instead, he held you to his body before pinning you down to the bed.

"A bit excited now, are we?" He rasped. You meekly nodded and said, "I need you." It seemed like that was all it took to convince the man pinning you as he quickly bent down to crash his lips onto yours.

Your tongues swirled together, and you pulled back, granting him full entrance to your mouth. As his tongue pushed through your lips, a moan had yet again escaped you. You felt your pool of arousal increase by the minute.

Nanami fumbled with your shirt, and you quickly ripped it off of yourself. Nanami had seen your body countless times before. However, it never ceased to amaze him how beautiful you were.

Suddenly cold with the loss of heat contact, you playfully pulled his tie towards you and wrapped your arms around his neck. Nanami seemed to thoroughly enjoy this, as a small' fuck,' escaped his lips before crashing onto yours.

You began un-knotting his tie and unbuttoned his dress shirt, careful not to break your intimate contact. Nanami released his iron grip on your hands and trailed his fingers down your body, eliciting a moan from you.

Your core was throbbing with desire, and you felt the slick coating of wetness dampen your panties. Every time his fingers came into contact with your skin, you felt an energetic shock pulsate through your body.

In one quick movement, the blonde man ripped off your sweatpants, and you moaned from the sudden movement. "You’re being so good for me," Nanami muttered, a small huff escaped his mouth.

You un-clipped your bra and flung it out towards the room. Nanami wasted no time and plunged his face between your two mounds. You ground your pussy onto the folds of his pants, wanting nothing more than his face on your sopping wet cunt.

Nanami fondled one of your breasts with one hand and lapped up your other tit with his long tongue. You arched your back, wanting more contact and your heavy moans filled the room. As his tongue swirled over your nipple, he maintained eye contact with you.

The contact was almost enough to send you over the edge; however, you wanted to ride this out as long as possible, pun intended. You shut your eyes and leaned into your pillow, letting Nanami's intoxicating touch fill up your world. His fingers trailed long lines up and down the side of your body and finally rested on the waistband of your panties.

Suddenly, Nanami stopped his handiwork and looked at you with a pang of hunger you've never seen before. You noticed him glance towards the book in the middle of the bed and then back to you. "Were you reading this before I got here?" He asked quietly. With a dazed expression, you simply nodded.

"Get under the covers," he instructed. Confused, you did as you were told and shrugged into the covers. What was he up to? You wondered. You watched him as he slowly unbuckled his belt and let it clink to the floor. Yet again, you felt another pang of pleasure throbbing in between your legs. He slowly walked over to the other side of the bed and slid under the covers.

You stared up at the ceiling in complete surprise. What the hell was this man doing? Was he seriously only here to edge me? Nanami shifted over to look at you and quietly said, "I want you to read that book for me." You tried to hide your displeasure. What the fuck? You thought. You were under the impression that he was here to fuck you, not read him a bedtime story.

You sighed and picked up the book, flipping through the pages to find where you last read. "I'm currently on chapter 23: 'Classifications of the Curse Spirit'," you muttered. He quietly nodded and looked up at the ceiling. You shook your head and began to read the starting lines.

"The vengeful cursed spirit is a cursed spirit that is created when humans become a curse after death…" you grumbled. You look at Nanami, who is still staring at the ceiling. You slump back into the bed. What the actual fuck. "...erm, Those whose deaths are cursed have the possibility of having their spirit corrupted…"

Your words soon trailed off as you heard Nanami shift and slipped under the covers. Your insides jolted as your mind raced about what he could be up to. "Keep reading," he commanded. Your grip tightened on the book; you felt your core become slick again. Fuck, whatever this man was going to do to you, you knew it was going to be good.

You focused your attention on the book, trying to ignore the rustling covers as Nanami settled in between your legs. "Okay let's see- sorcerers have an increased chance of turning into a curse after death, but this can be prevented through juju-" your words are quickly cut off as you feel a wave of intense pleasure.

In the meantime of your reading, Nanami had slipped under the covers to venture off in between your legs. He felt for your waistband and lightly tapped it with his fingers. Nanami could practically feel your heat rising out of you. Carefully, he moved his hand down and lightly brushed over your clit.

"I told you to keep reading, y/n," he cooed. You moaned and arched your back as he brushed on your clit again, making your insides tingle. "N-Nanami," you sputtered, the daze of a high already settling in. You lost your grip on the book and it fell onto the large mound that was Nanami’s head. “Are you okay?” you said, as you scrambled to pull off the covers. Nanami tightened his grip on your legs and said, “Stop moving, give me your hands.”

You stopped writhing and slowly slid your hands under the covers. A rough pair of hands connect with yours and you promptly feel fabric being tied around your small hands. You nervously laugh- it was his spotted tie. “Nanami, what are you doing to me,” you laughed. He ignored you and handed the book to you.

"Read, and don’t drop it," he forcefully commanded. You stopped laughing and began to resume your readings quietly, but you bucked your hips towards his face as you felt hot kisses trail up and down your thighs. "Ah- Fuck, Nanami. I can't read when you're doing this to me," you said breathlessly.

“Read as best as you can, then,” he replied gruffly. The pleasure was ten times more intense, as the feeling of your constraints and the constant contact of Nanami kept you on your toes. Your hands were practically clamped down on the book so that you couldn’t do anything about the man pleasuring your slick pussy.

After Nanami was satisfied with the trail of love bites in your inner thighs, he began to slowly rub circles on your clothed clit. You moaned out a sigh of relief as you felt more contact with his hands. “A- a diseased cursed spirit-” you began, but your words fell into a moan as you felt Nanami pull down your panties with his teeth. “Shit,” you breathed out.

As Nanami pulled down your panties, a wave of blood rushed towards his cock as he saw your thick coating of slick string out. “You’re so wet for me, y/n,” he said hungrily. You moaned again as his wonderfully deep voice rumbled against your cunt. “N-nanami- you’re going to make me-” you muffle your screams and bit down on his tie that constrained your hands.

His tongue lightly swept over your slit, licking up your sweet desire. He bent his head down and lapped you up hungrily, stifling a moan. The vibrations of his voice further made your toes curl, and you soon began repeatedly groaning his name. You hooked your legs over his shoulders and stifled a scream as you could feel your destination come closer.

The Intense pleasure was something you had never fully experienced. As Nanami lapped up your wet pussy you heard and felt him spit on your clit. Your breath was erratic, and as your breathing slowed down, you felt two rough fingers slide into you.

“Read,” Nanami once again commanded as he took another lap in your slit. You sighed as you lifted the book back to your eyes. “Plague and general sickness are concepts constantly cursed by humanity,” you began, your breath hitched at certain words as Nanami slowly pumped in and out of you.

Suddenly, Nanami began to speed up; he curled and spread his fingers as he was inside of you. With the sudden movement, you felt your walls begin to pulsate- you were almost there.

“Oh fuck,” you whined, your hips bucked and swayed, finding just the right spot. Nanami groaned against your clit as your slit felt slicker by the moment. “Shit, I’m gonna-“ you heaved, your chest took shallow breaths, and your eyes rolled to the back of your head. You forced your eyes to open and with pleading eyes you asked Nanami if you could let yourself go.

It seemed like Nanami knew what you were asking for, despite his head still under the covers. “Cum for me, darling,” Nanami pitted against your pulsating heat of mess. Oh, how his words could make you unravel so quickly. You felt your heat burst and your teeth clamped on Nanami’s tie to muffle your screams. You closed your eyes and saw stars. You were fucked good.

As your high steadily came back down, Nanami shifted under the covers and came back up, his face full of your essence. His eyes were bright and alive, something you rarely saw. You couldn’t help but feel embarrassed about your slick on his face, but he didn’t seem to mind at all.

As your breathing slowed, you pulled your hair away from your sweaty face. You turned your head to look at Nanami, your heart thumping out of your chest. “It’s only fair… that I repay you for your kindness,” you began, your hands trailing down his now crinkled dress shirt. He smiled and looked you up and down, “Sweetheart I don’t think you’re even able to get up and walk right now,” he laughed. “Besides, you can repay me later… not that I mind giving my services to you, free of charge,” he said quietly.

You smiled at him and brought the covers over your chest, your eyes feeling heavy with exhaustion. You heard Nanami leave the bed, but you were too tired to open your eyes. You must’ve fallen asleep as you felt darkness soon overtake you.

You felt a light tap on your chest and groggily looked up to see Nanami out of bed holding a hand out to you. “What are we doing now?” you asked tiredly. He kissed you on the head and laughed lightly. “Don’t worry, y/n. I know you’re tired, but we’ve got to clean you up,” he noted.

He led you to your bathroom, and as your eyes adjusted to the bright lights, you noticed that Nanami had drawn a bath for you. You looked back at him and chuckled. “Always the gentleman, Nanami.” He pecked you on the lips before carefully placing you inside the tub. Your muscles instantly relaxed from the hot, sudsy water. You smiled to yourself as you felt Nanami slip into the tub behind you.

You sighed with great content and leaned your head back on his chest. As you closed your eyes, you felt his hands skimming across your arms and legs, gently washing the previous activities that were stuck on your skin. You were in complete bliss. “Thank you, Nanami. For everything,” you gushed. “Anything for you, y/n,” he muttered.

Maybe it wasn’t so bad that you decided to read before bed.

🌻

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk nanami #jjk smut #nanami kento #smut #nanami x y/n #nanami x reader #anime #fanfic #fanfiction #writing #oneshot #aftercare #long fic

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natromanxoff · 2 years

Text

Classic Rock - 2005

Credits to Trajen and Queencuttings.com

"FREDDIE WOULD LOVE IT..."

As Brian May, Roger Taylor and Paul Rodgers prepare to hit the UK as Queen + Paul Rodgers, Classic Rock gets the inside story on the collaboration that’s dividing the fans.

Words: Geoff Barton

Queen and Paul Rodgers? Compared to Queen and Freddie Mercury, it's a combination that's like chalk and cheese. Or fire and water, if you will. And to Rodgers's credit, it's a fact that's acknowledged freely — pun most definitely intended — by the veteran frontman himself.

"Me and Freddie are very different singers, and we work from different scales," Rodgers, the legendary former Free and Bad Company singer, recognises. "Freddie had more of a classic scale: do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do, that sort of thing. Mine is more of a blues scale with a bit of Celtic thrown in. So there was that adjustment to make. I think, and I hope, that Freddie would approve."

As Classic Rock writes this story in mid-March, Rodgers has been rehearsing with Queen stalwarts, guitarist Brian May and drummer Roger Taylor, for a little over a month. But by the time you read this, the new band — officially dubbed 'Queen + Paul Rodgers' — will have played their first show, an Aids Awareness Concert in South Africa on March 19. They'll also have performed a special preview concert for their European tour, at London's Brixton Academy on March 28. (The group's line-up is augmented by keyboardist Spike Edney, New York bassist Danny Miranda and guitarist Jaimie Moss.)

So, what can fans expect when the British leg kicks off officially, at Newcastle-upon-Tyne Metro Arena on May 3?

"I'm not supposed to tell you," laughs May. "It's still slightly fluid, to be honest. We've rehearsed more songs than we're actually going to be playing. But if you really want to know, I suppose it's about 65 per cent Queen and, and ... erm, hang on a minute ... 35 percent Paul," he says, doing the maths. "Something like that. But really we haven't solidified the set yet. It's close."

Rodgers: "It's largely Queen, I think people will expect to see that. Brian and Roger tell me they've always been big fans of Free. They want to do particular songs in the set that I wrote with Andy Fraser in Free, and a couple of the numbers I wrote with Mick [Ralphs] in Bad Company. There's going to be a sprinkling of my songs throughout."

Rodgers refers again to Freddie Mercury, who — incredibly — will have been dead for 14 years this November. "I think Freddie would be happy," Paul insists, "because I feel his spirit throughout the music. I've been listening to so much of Queen generally, and Freddie's singing specifically. Just studying his vocal style, really. Getting into the spirit of the man. And I feel, actually, quite close."

It's easy to be critical about May and Taylor linking up with Rodgers. (The other surviving member of Queen, bassist John Deacon, is currently retired from the stage.) But the fact is, the tickets for their tour have sold out like stone-cold-crazy. The band recently announced a massive outdoor show at London's Hyde Park on July 8.

Rodgers, in particular, is amazed by the turn of events — particularly as this summer marks the 35th anniversary of when Free played the Isle Of Wight festival, in 1970.

"I was thinking today that I've lived about eight lifetimes. Here I am, I'm 55 years old, and I feel like I'm 17 again, starting a brand new career. It is quite incredible. We put the Hyde Park show in because the UK tour had sold out so quickly. A lot of people didn't get the opportunity to buy tickets; it took them — and us — by surprise. It'll be a great thrill; it'll be the first time I've played Hyde Park."

Talking to Rodgers and May, Classic Rock has little doubt that this alliance is for real. Yes, there are probably truckloads of money to be made by all parties. Yes, fervent Freddie fans might be sceptical about the entire shebang. And yes, it remains to be seen if Bohemian Rhapsody is included in the band's set. (Let alone songs from The Firm, Rodgers's collaboration with Led Zeppelin's Jimmy Page.) But May, for one, remains defiant: "I'm not in the business of persuading anybody — if it doesn't suit their palate, if they don't like the idea, then that's fine. I'm perfectly comfortable with that. To be truthful with you, we've dealt with cynicism our whole career. There's always been people grousing and sniping. I don't really have anything to say to the cynics except, fine, just stay away. I won't say the negativity doesn't affect you, but in a way it also makes you stronger."

Rodgers urges: "Just come and see us play. The only way you're going to know if this works or not is to go and see it. Quite honestly, I don't think people can prejudge anything at all."

The whole Q+PR (calm down, Loftus Road fans) thing kicked off when Brian May and Paul Rodgers appeared together on stage in September 2004, at the Fender Stratocaster 50th anniversary show in London.

May: "We'd just finished playing All Right Now, and we both realised that it felt incredibly right. The chemistry was there, and there were sparks flying. Paul and me looked at each other and we went: 'Hmmm... " We both had the same thought in our minds. Then Paul's girlfriend, Cynthia, said: 'All you need is a drummer, don't you? And I said: "Well, I might know a drummer... "

"That's kind of where it came from. I got the tape of our performance and sent it to Roger, and he said: "Why didn't we think of this before?"

The trio's relationship was cemented when Rodgers, May and Taylor played together at the UK Hall Of Fame Awards, belting out Queen's We Will Rock You and We Are The Champions, and finishing off with another version of Free's All Right Now.

"Roger has always been the one who's been keen to get back out on tour," May reveals. "It was me who was holding things back, because I didn't think things felt right. There was no one on the horizon who I thought could do the job of singing with us. And then suddenly we're looking at this man [Rodgers], who can not only do the job, he can do a lot more besides — he brings something completely new to it, and that's what turned me around.

"To be honest with you, if you'd spoken to me even nine months ago, I would've said no, I'm never going out again — as far as Queen is concerned, that's it."

May speaks a lot about the 'chemistry' between him and Taylor, and Rodgers. Can he be more specific?

"There's a reason for it, insofar as we both really grew up with Free's music. Paul Rodgers is a very big influence on us, because Free were out there while we were still at college. Free's Fire & Water album is one of our real inspirations and influences. Paul has been part of our history all along - and Freddie was a huge fan of Paul's; he was one of the few singers he really looked up to."

May adds: "Freddie used to give me a hard time if I wrote something that didn't really suit him, and he'd say: "Look, Brian, you're fucking writing this for Paul Rodgers, I can't do this." It became a joke between us, because Paul had that blues edge and Freddie was something different — something very exceptional, as we know. So yes, Paul and Freddie might be poles apart, but there is an overlap because they can both sing Tie Your Mother Down, and it suits them both down to the ground — as we've discovered."

Did Rodgers ever meet Freddie?

"Not properly," Paul says, his Middlesbrough accent still very much in evidence. "I passed him on the stairs once — I passed the whole band on the stairs — when Queen were auditioning managers one time, and they went to see Peter Grant [who used to manage Rodgers and well as Led Zeppelin]. I happened to be visiting Peter as well. And we just said a quick hello, hey, how're you doing... and that was it, really. But I got a very nice vibe from Freddie indeed. He seemed really, really cool."

Rodgers has an active solo career. How does this collaboration with Queen fit in?

"I must say my solo band have been incredibly nice and understanding about it all. Howard Leese from Heart and the guys, they've just been great about it. There will be some solo dates in the future but for the moment I'm putting that to one side.

"I recently worked with The Four Tops. They made a DVD for their 50th anniversary in Detroit, and they invited me up. Aretha Franklin was there, and Sam from Sam & Dave, The Temptations were there as well... and I was actually the only white guy on that stage. Which was a real compliment. I didn't even know that the soul family, if you like, had heard of me. So it was a terrific thing."

Rodgers continues: "As a result of that, the company that was making the DVD, Omni Broadcasting, asked me to do my own DVD along the same lines. But I've had to put that on hold as well because this is a huge learning curve for me. I've got to learn pretty much the entire Queen catalogue in a short space of time, and well enough to be able to deliver it on stage. So it's been my total focus."

These are, obviously, extremely hectic times for May and Rodgers. We spoke to the duo separately: May was on the car phone in the back of a limo, speeding off to God-knows-where; Rogers was holed up in a posh hotel in Bray, Berkshire, close to Queen's secret rehearsal location.

The Queen + Paul Rodgers project — which was originally mooted as just a couple of isolated dates in London — has now taken on a seemingly unstoppable momentum, which has taken both May and Rodgers by surprise. The last full set of Queen shows, after all, was the Magic Tour way, way back in 1986.

May: "We're already at the point of signing on the line for a tour in America, which we plan to do in the autumn. It makes me nervous. Well, being on stage doesn't make me nervous, but it makes me nervous to realise that I am now in the process of giving away my life again. Being in hotel rooms, flying on planes here, there and everywhere... t's quite tough, and I know Paul feels the same way. We've had lots of home time to enjoy in recent times... and this involves a sacrifice."

Rodgers: "From my point of view. I hadn't really planned on doing any full-on major tours whatsoever this year. In fact, the only reason I can actually do this venture with Brian and Roger is because I planned to pull back from my own shows in 2005, and just take it easy. So I didn't quite realise this was such a huge undertaking. It's taken my breath away."

Prior to their encounter at the Fender Stratocaster anniversary show, May and Rodgers had collaborated sporadically in the past.

May: "We did a record together called Reaching Out, which was written by Andy Hill and Don Black, for the Rock Therapy charity. I've also played on one or two or Paul's solo records. I played on a track called I'm Ready, which is on his blues album, and the other time when we worked together significantly was when I did this concert in Seville [Spain] called The Guitar Legends.

"I was hired to do the rock night and we had some of the world's greatest guitarists there. But I didn't want to have them all up there widdling on stage the whole time, so I rang up Paul and he came down. Of course, guitarists love to do all this highly technical stuff, but give them a chance to do the riff to All Right Now and they're in seventh heaven. So Paul and me have been loosely in contact since then. It goes back some years."

So, is Queen + Paul Rodgers a short- or long-term thing?

May: "It's too early to say. We're enjoying ourselves an awful lot, I have to say, so the signs are that we might want to take it further. But equally, we may have had enough of it after we've done this fairly intense tour. It's a pretty serious tour, I have to say. It's not the sort of thing I envisioned myself doing at this time of life, ha-ha!"

Rodgers: "We're going along with how it feels — at the moment it's wide open. We're all songwriters, we've three pretty good songwriters in the band, so the chances are that we'll start writing, given the opportunity. There are other things I'd like to do, obviously — I'd like to do that DVD, and I've been asked to do a solo album of acoustic material, which interests me too — but one can only do so much at a time."

So there, potentially, is the prospect of a Queen + Paul Rodgers album some time in the future?

"I wouldn't say it was out of the question but it's early days yet," stresses Rodgers. "Really, the live shows are the main focus right now."

Even though the spirit of Freddie Mercury still looms large, May has no qualms about teaming up with Rodgers: "I'm absolutely sure Freddie would love it. You might think it strange for me to say that, but I feel very tuned in to Freddie every day of my life. He was virtually a family member, and that's partly why I haven't wanted to do something like this up until now — I've never felt comfortable about any of the ideas that people came to us with.

"But I know that Freddie would be so happy to hear we're doing something with Paul. I know Freddie would be very excited, and the other thing I know is that his mum's excited, which means a lot to me. I'm in touch with her quite often. We've got the Bulsara family seal of approval. Absolutely. She said to me that she knows we'll make her proud. That's lovely. That's all I can ask for."

Brian May's favourite Paul Rodgers track "Apart from All Right Now, obviously, Can't Get Enough by Bad Company has always been a big favourite of mine. They're all favourites, to be honest. The entire Fire & Water album has never left me. We'll be doing some of that on tour, and it's a joy beyond compare. Every time we come to play one of Paul's songs, everybody starts smiling. We just love it — it's a sort of recreation for us."

Paul Rodgers's favourite Queen track "There's a song called The Show Must Go On, which is incredibly dramatic. In my early years as a singer, I listened a lot to Otis Redding. I still do, in fact. Otis has a great spirit and a great soul to his voice; his whole approach to music is very soulful. I'm trying to apply those things — that heart and that soul — to The Show Must Go On. Even though it's early days. it's sounding just monstrous."

#queen #queen band #roger taylor #freddie mercury #brian may #queencuttings.com #queen scans #paul rodgers #classic rock 2005

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