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babymetaldoll · 3 years

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Danger Days - Chapter fourteen: "Love, hate, love"

Word count: 8,8K

Summary: The band is decided to take care of Joey, and for once, she is ok with that. Gerard is trying to find a way to get closer to her while Matthew... gets drunk again.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, cursing, cheating, angst, a lot of crying.

A/N: I want a friend like Mikey in my life. Do you guys think Joey will forgive Matthew? Would you do it? also, I love how honest Frank is with Joey. Gerard really hates him at this point hehehe.

Not my gif, and all this shit is fiction.

Masterlist

::: Valencia, March 11th, 2011 :::

Joey's eyes were wide opened as she laid on her bed. She hadn't slept at all. Mikey was snoring next to her. He had stayed over to take care of her after everybody left. But he fell asleep, and the girl stayed up the whole night, not able to move or to do anything but to stare at the heart locket on her bedside table. It felt like bullshit to her now. What seemed to be so romantic was now nothing but a pile of lies.

Memories kept coming to her head. All of the times together with Matthew, their whole happiness. All the days they spent working on the house he had bought for them, and all the nights they sat in their new back yard to look at the stars, drink some wine and sleep in an inflatable mattress they had put in their bedroom. But what she remembered the most was the day they met. The day their whole story together had started, and how now Joey wished to go back in time and change it all. Ignore him, never talking to him, not even being in that studio that day. Anything that might keep her from the pain she was feeling now.

She had reached the studio early that morning. She had a meeting with a band at ten to record a demo. They needed a studio drummer, and Billy, the producer, contacted her. She had learned the songs; there were just three on the setlist. That shouldn't take more than three days in the whole process, including production.

Joey went through her warm-up and stretching before Billy walked in with two cups of coffee.

- "Thank you."

- "You are gonna need it,"- he said and cut her a short smile- "As far as I can tell, these guys are hyper"- the girl smiled and nodded.

- "Noted, hyper kids."

The drummer already had a lot of practice recording with random bands and some pretty known bands too. Yet, she wasn't ready for the tornado of energy that was about to go through the door that day.

The band was pretty funny and easy-going. Their music wasn't really in Joey's favorite playlist, but she was professional enough to give her best no matter what. Their friend, though, that guy was driving her insane. This very tall thin guy with light brown hair kept jumping with every song they played. He was sugar rushed or in coke. There was no way anyone would be that energetic on his own. And he had an opinion for every part of every song. Their friends loved him, it was clear, that's why they brought him along, but Joey was trying to do her work.

- "Hey,"- he said to her at the end of the session. He hadn't talked to her in the whole day- "That was pretty cool what you did back there."

- "Thanks"- she simply answered and looked for her backpack.

- "I mean, you played amazing, but the way you managed not to kill me through the whole day, though it was clear I was driving you insane, that was outstanding"- and the girl chuckled, she hated it 'cos she didn't want to, but that had been funny indeed.

- "It took a lot of will and mental strength, I must confess, you were pretty annoying,"- she answered with a snarky smile.

- "I'm sorry in advance for the next three or four days then"- the girl sighed and nodded.

- "Thanks, I guess."

- "Hey, can I try to make it up to you?"

- "By not to eat anything with sugar or take any coffee before coming tomorrow? Because that would be awesome"- and Matthew laughed. An honest big, and sincere laugher.

- "No, I was going to ask you if you wanted to get a coffee now with me..."

- "How much coffee do you have during the day?"- the drummer asked, raising an eyebrow.

- "A lot"- he simply answered- "So, what do you say? I promise I won't be annoying, or at least just the decent amount of annoying to be tolerable."

Joey didn't know what to reply. It had been ages since anyone had asked her out, and that guy was breathtakingly hot. Was it a prank? Why would he want to go out with her?

- "How are you planning not to be annoying?"- she asked and narrowed her eyes.

- "You can pinch me every time I get annoying,"- Gubler grinned, looking pretty excited to go out with her- "I know you want to pinch me."

Joey smiled and kept her eyes on his. He gave her the most adorable puppy eyes, and not even thinking about it, she accepted.

And that was the first of a thousand coffees they shared in almost a year together. They had even talked about getting married around the same date they had started dating. But now, none of that mattered anymore.

- "Mother fucker"- she whispered and slowly got out of bed. Mikey was still asleep. She wondered around the room, not knowing what to do. She went through all the things the guys had left upon a dresser: chocolate bars, filled chocolate, M&M, fun-size Snickers, all of her favorites candies. Frank's whiskey bottle, even a Pride and Prejudice Bluray.

- "You guys are awesome,"- she whispered and grabbed a bunch of candy. She looked through her things as she ate. It felt nothing was hers anymore. It felt that wasn't her life or her clothing. Not even her mind. She was out of herself. Her phone was nowhere to be seen. Probably Mikey had it hidden, just like she had done for him when he broke up with his wife. Now the tables had turned. And it felt weird. Wrong. Bad.

Joey had a knot in her stomach as she kept eating Snicker after Snicker. Still, she couldn't stop. She didn't want to stop. She found Matthew's shirts among her clothes, and her body shivered at the smell of his perfume still in the fabric. She could almost see his face, hear his voice, feel his hands on her skin. The same hands that had cheated.

Tears started falling right away. Still, she couldn't stop smelling the shirt. She couldn't stop thinking about him, about his face, his kisses, everything. But yet, she was so mad, so sad, so confused. Her stomach started aching, and the girl started retching. She ran to the bathroom and puked the few candies she had eaten. That was all that was left in her stomach.

- "Bug, hey..."- Mikey appeared running and kneeled next to her.

- "I'm ok, I just... I'm still..."- the girl sighed and wiped off the tears from her face, flushing. Mikey reached the mouthwash for her- "Thank you"- Joey clumsy stood up and spat in the sink.

- "Did you get any sleep?"

- "Not really"- the honesty of her answer surprised him. He was ready to deal with a girl in denial of her state. Instead, somehow, she just answered the truth. He decided to take another shot.

- "Are you hungry?"

- "Of course not. I just puked."

- "What do you wanna do today?"

- "Stay in here, in my pajamas, and watch shitty tv. How is your schedule for today? What do you have to do?"

- "Stay here in my pajama watching shitty tv with you,"- she cut him a sweet smile as she crawled into bed again.

- "You don't have to do that, Mikey. You have to work."

- "I know I don't have to, I want to do it for you"- he made a pause, grabbed the phone, and called room service.

- "Thank you,"- she whispered and heard him asking for two breakfasts.

- "Besides,"- Mikey added, after hanging up and getting into bed with her- "It's not like I have to show up and answer questions I've answered a million times before. That's why Gerard's the lead singer. He loves the attention."

Joey smiled and hugged Mikey, resting her head on his chest as he surfed channels.

- "Yeah, he is a little diva sometimes."

- "A little? Sometimes?"- Mikey chuckled- "Oh Bug, you have no idea..."

Gerard was walking on his own after the first interview. He asked for a few minutes to get something, and Worm came along to make sure he made it alive.

- "Dude, help, what can I give Joey?"

- "Is her birthday again or something?"

- "No, she broke up with Gubler, and I need something that might cheer her up."

- "Fuck! How is she?"

- "Locked in her room... what can I give her?"

- "Chocolates."- Worm answered right away.

- "Mikey got her a million of her favorites."

- "Booze."

- "Frank got her favorite whiskey."

- "Shit... movies to kill time?"- the man looked at Gerard and nodded- "So Ray got her movies?"

- "They had like a "break up kit" in their fucking bags or something. They know what to do, what to say to her, how to comfort her. And I ended up looking at her from a distance like... awkward and out of place."- Gerard was opening himself up at his friend.

- "Well, think of something that might help her use her time and mind to refocus her into something other than the breakup. Maybe a book"- Gerard nodded and kept looking at the window glazes. Instinctively he stood outside a stationery shop. He thought about it as he looked inside. To draw was an excellent way to kill time. Would she like that?

- "Why not?"- he said and walked in. After a few minutes, he stepped out with not two but three bags filled with art supplies.

- "Did you leave anything left in the store?"- Frank asked when he saw his friend carrying so many notebooks and pencils, you could think he was starting a store of his own. The two of them, plus Ray, got into the van to go to their following interview.

- "Funny. I just got Joey a few things to help her think of something else."

- "Cool man, good idea"- Ray smiled and took a look inside- "I just checked with Mikey. They were watching a movie."

- "How is she?"- Gerard asked as the van traveled through Valencia.

- "She didn't sleep, she hasn't eaten, Mikey was fighting to get her to eat some cereal... she was crying and puking when he woke up."

Gerard's heart ached in his chest as he heard Ray's words. He needed to find a way to make her feel better. But how? How if he never got to talk to her?

- "Any news from the asshole?"- Gerard asked, and Frank nodded.

- "Mikey has her phone off, so no one knows anything about him."

- "Do you think he is gonna show up?"- the singer asked, and both Ray and Frank looked at each other.

- "I think so,"- Toro said- "He is in love with her after all."

- "After all?"- Iero turned to him and frowned- "The fucker broke her heart! I don't want him near my little Bug in a thousand years."

Gerard wanted to hit Frank after calling her "his little Bug."

- "What the fuck is his problem? She ain't his. She is mine."

- "Frank, we are her friends, and we have to support her, but if she ever decides to get back with him again, even when we both know that's nearly impossible, we have to respect her. Ok?"- Ray was very rational about it, mostly 'cos he had lived it with other friends before- "So if he gets here, we can't do anything."

- "What do you mean "we can't do anything"?"- Frank frowned right away, frustrated- "I'm not gonna let that asshole near her."

- "Me neither, man"- Gerard adds- "And I can't believe you are saying this amount of shit after how she was yesterday."

- "It's called experience, Gerard. So remember, this whole shit ain't about how mad we are with Gubler, but about how much we want our friend to be happy, no matter what!"

Ray used his "dad" voice, and his friends couldn't argue with that. That was Raymond Toro's superpower: Super Dad.

Matthew looked at his mom and sighed. He still had three more days of shooting, and he was about to quit. Gubler barely had the strength to get out of bed that morning. He hadn't eaten. He looked like shit. He didn't want to be in the movie anymore. He gave a fuck about everything. So his mother came along to work with him and sat closely, reading a book, trying to comfort him in any way. Yes, that's how much Matthew loved his mother. And he cared shit if anyone made fun of him.

- "I can't do this, mom,"- he said as he walked to her by the end of a scene, he had some time to wait for things to be ready at the following location- "I mean, what the fuck am I doing here? I have to go to her! I have to tell her that I'm sorry"- he grabbed his phone and dialed- "Still off... Yami, please listen to me. I need to talk to you. This can't be it. I need you to listen to me."

- "Voicemail full"- a computer voice warned and finished the call.

- "Shit! Shit! Shit!"- the young man hit the wall next to him a couple of times as his face turned red in anger and desperation.

- "Matthew, please calm down, you are gonna go, but you need to be calm when you meet her. You have to put yourself together first. What are you going to tell her? How are you going to approach her?"- he sighed and walked around in front of his mother.

- "I just need to talk to her now!"- he whispered, pouting. He had never needed anyone as much as he needed Joey at that moment.

- "She has to make her process too. If you run to her now, you are both going to be still hyperventilated with what happened, you are going to be irrational, you know you will, and she is going to be still so hurt and mad she won't think straight"- Matthew sighed and looked at the ground- "Let the things cool down for a few days."

- "I still need to talk to her. I have to call her."

- "Just make sure you don't sound like a madman when you get to talk to her, ok?"

- "Do I sound like a madman now?"- his mother smiled at held his chin for a second

- "As I had never heard you before... you are in love, baby, it's ok to be a madman... just... try to keep a mind straight when it comes to talking to her, don't scare her away."

Matthew nodded and sighed. His mother's words made sense, but how to calm himself down when he felt he was dying inside? He grabbed his phone and dialed. Still off.

- "Can you come over tonight?"- he wrote and sent the text to Paget, his best friend.

- "Sure, is everything ok?"

- "Tell you tonight."

The band reached Joey's room at lunchtime. They brought pizza and beer, but she didn't want either. They talked to her about their day, the interviews, and Gerard gave her his present. That was the one thing Joey was excited about. She loved drawing and coloring, though she sucked at it.

- "Thank you, Gerard!"- she said and cut him a shy smile- "I wanted to get some of these things for a while and never did"- and the singer smiled proudly. He had finally done one thing right.

- "Hey, if you want, I can teach you a few things so you can start your comic,"- he said and sat next to her.

- "Thanks..."- she nodded but didn't look into the idea. Gerard was probably pushing too hard. But he had gotten so excited with her reaction he thought it was the solution to the whole situation. Nothing was farther from the truth.

- "Come on, Bug, we brought your favorite pizza,"- Frank said and sat next to her- "It has all the bacon in Spain."

- "I'm not hungry,"- she whispered and didn't take her eyes from the art supplies.

- "You've barely eaten,"- Mikey said and held her hand, looking at her so worried, it made Joey feel guilty for having her friend like that. It wasn't fair.

- "Bróðir, I am ok. I ate that cereal you gave me."

- "You threw it up twenty minutes later"- she closed her eyes and sighed- "Do you always throw up when you are upset?"- and she nodded. She didn't want to say a word about it. When Joey was a kid, she had many anxiety problems; she always threw up when she felt stressed. It was the way her body worked to cope with whatever it was that she was feeling.

- "Just a slice, I don't care if you vomit it,"- Frank insisted. She held it and took the tiniest bite possible in a poor attempt to make her friend happy. He just kept looking at her, forcing her to take another bite.

- "Do you have to go to work after lunch?"- she whispered and looked at her fingers playing with the bacon on her pizza.

- "Yeah, Bug. Mikey should probably go shower, but I'm gonna stay with you."

- "I'm not a baby, Ray"- the girl frowned- "I can be alone."

- "I know you can, I just feel like staying here, watch a bunch of movies... maybe sleep a little, I don't wanna go to work,"- Ray simply replied.

- "Guys, I know you are being too cute and adorable right now, and from the bottom of my heart, I am forever grateful for it, but I can stay alone. Nothing is gonna happen."

Mikey moved closer to Joey in the bed and wrapped an arm around her.

- "Sure, you are gonna be ok, but right now, we just wanna be with you... just today, ok? Tomorrow you are on your own,"- she turned and raised an eyebrow at him- "I promise."

- "Fine..."

- "Now eat"- he commanded and moved her pizza closer to her.

- "When are you going to give me my phone back?"- she asked after a while.

- "Tomorrow"- Mikey simply replied.

- "What's the plan for tomorrow, by the way?"- Joey asked and looked at her friends- "Do we have to be at the festival the whole day?"

- "No, but we have to be there early,"- Gerard said and chewed his food- "We have to do some press there, and you should come along."

- "I'm good, thanks."

- "No, really, it was great when we did that radio with you, and you've been great all along this tour, so... it would be great if you were there with us... how many times did I just say "great"?"- Joey smiled at Gerard and looked back at her pizza.

- "Like a million times, dude,"- Frank answered- "Hey, where's the veggie pizza?"

It was very heartwarming and, at the very same time, very overwhelming for Joey to feel that amount of love from her friends. She didn't see it coming. That afternoon, she and Ray watched Pride and Prejudice together, and she even allowed herself to share a few tears during those 90 minutes. Ray pretended he never noticed, and that made her happy.

She picked a bunch of other chick flicks she liked, and her friend watched them all, sleeping a little bit from time to time. Joey wasn't able to close an eye. Every time she took her mind off the movie, she thought of Matthew and started crying again.

By the time the rest of the band arrived again, with more booze, more food, and a whole bag of candies, Ray had watched Clueless, 10 things I hate about you and Ever After. He was pretty surprised to know Joey could recite from memory most of the dialogues in those movies. He never thought she could be so... girly.

- "Hey Bug!"- Mikey practically ran to her- "What are you doing?"

- "Coloring this mandala book Gerard got me"- it felt like she was a little kid and Ray was her nanny- "I don't know why people say this is relaxing; I find it pretty stressful"- Mikey looked at it and smiled.

- "Looks pretty cool to me."

- "Let me see"- Gerard said and walked to her, sitting for the very first time, next to her- "Yeah, that looks stressful"- he whispered, and she smiled- "But there was another coloring book in the bag."

- "I feel like I'm five years old,"- she whispered and looked at the singer in the eyes. He cut her a big smile and grabbed a notebook from his bag.

- "I stopped to buy ten comic books today, so that would make two of us."

- "What did you get?"- that conversation kept going. Gerard couldn't believe it.

- "I saw a few X-Men issues in Spanish, and I thought it would be a nice addition to my collection."

- "Nice..."- Frank moved closer and messed with the girl's hair.

- "I brought you a Dr. Pepper,"- he whispered and kissed her cheek.

- "Thank you, Jersey."

- "I also got you fries"- he smiled and raised an eyebrow- "You can't say no to fries..."- and damn it, Frank was right- "Cheesy fries"- he added with a low sexy voice.

- "I hate you, Frank."

- "It's time for you to face it, Iceland, you love me, you can't live without my pretty face making you laugh"- he teased her and chuckled. She kept her eyes in his and cut him a short smile.

- "Fuck you, Jersey"- she whispered but smiled and snuggled closer to him- "I love you. You are a psycho brother with the ability to make me want to punch you."

- "You are that hot second cousin I would nail,"- Frank answered with a chuckle and a low voice. Joey giggled and hit him simultaneously. Gerard froze, thinking there was no way Iero could be so honest with her about his thoughts, not making her mad.

- "Shut up. Why do you always ruin every single moment we've got together?"

- "'Cos... you laugh when I do, and I love to hear you laugh"- the girl chuckled and blushed.

- "Just give me the damn fries."

Gerard looked at his friend in shock. He had flirted, and she smiled. What the fuck was that? It was so clear everybody was closer to her than him... and she told him she loved him.

- "Damn it! You are not going anywhere tonight until you get fucking closer to this girl."

Around midnight, Ray and Frank stood up. Joey was still laid on her bed, wide awake, watching Lethal Weapon with Mikey.

- "Kids, you should go to bed"- Ray announced and put on his shoes- "We've got a big day tomorrow, and you should all rest, especially you, Bug. The dark rings under your eyes will not be covered with makeup, and we will be on tv tomorrow."

- "I'll sleep, I promise"- she whispered and nodded.

- "Are you going to be ok with these two?"- Frank asked after kissing the top of her head.

- "These two are leaving soon, so I'll be ok"- she made a pause and held Frank's hand- "Thank you, Jersey."

- "There is nothing to thank, Iceland. You are my friend, and I'll protect you no matter what."

- "Yeah... what you did yesterday when you yelled at... at him"- Joey couldn't even really say his name- "Well... thank you-" he smiled and winked.

- "Anytime"

- "I love you, dad,"- the girl said as Ray walked over. She wrapped her arms around him and felt him kiss her forehead.

- "Please, try to sleep."

- "I will ... and thank you for watching chick flicks with me."

- "Anytime you want."

- "Really? You won't get sick of the clichés?"- she smiled and wrinkled her nose.

- "No, maybe next time I'll pick a couple when we are on the bus."

- "Dad, it's a date."

- "Sleep tight."

Joey nodded and watched her friends walking out. Mikey kept his eyes on the tv as he ate a bag of M&Ms. Gerard was sitting at the other side of the bed, drawing in silence. The girl sighed and watched tv for a while, but her mind was somewhere else.

- "You should take a bath,"- Gerard whispered suddenly- "If you are going to try to sleep, maybe a hot shower can help you."

- "I thought I smelled so bad you were gonna force me"- Joey answered, not even looking at him.

- "Joey, I've lived with you for a lot of months so far, and I've been locked with you after playing shows covered in sweat"- Gee made a pause and smiled- "You've never smelled bad"- she rolled her eyes, but a slight smile appeared on her lips.

- "You've never been close enough to smell me."

- "She is right, she gets nasty"- and Mikey got smacked by a pillow after those words.

- "Fine, I'll shower..."- but before moving an inch, the girl looked at her friend and asked- "Can you give me my phone back?"

- "Tomorrow."

- "I want to call my parents"- Mikey took his phone from his pocket and gave it to her.

- "Use mine"- she huffed and dialed.

Gerard watched her walk around the room, speaking half in Spanish, half in English with her mother, and then half in Icelandic, half in English with her dad. It was a funny scene to see; he had never seen it. He had never seen a lot of her habits, and yet he had fallen in love with her. Why? How?

- "Dude, I'm talking to you"- Mikey said and threw him an empty bag of candy.

- "Sorry, what?"

- "Can you stay with her for a while? I have to go to my room and take the biggest dump on earth"- Gerard frowned, disgusted, and nodded.

- "Using the bathroom would have been enough, dude."

- "No, it wouldn't, you need to know the disgusting details of my organism..."- Mikey started gathering his things, and Joey frowned as she watched him.

- "Where are you going?"

- "To take a shit"

- "Please don't use my bathroom. You are gross. It's like there's a corpse coming out of you every time"- Joey simply says, and Gerard burst out laughing.

- "Best description ever!"

- "Here's your phone, bróðir."

- "Thank you, Bug"- he grabbed it, put on his shoes, his backpack, and hugged his friend tight- "I love you."

- "I know. I love you too."

- "I'll leave you with Gerard. Are you gonna be ok?"

- "I'll be fine,"- his older brother answered and never took his eyes from the paper, scared of looking at Joey under the circumstances. He was finally going to be alone with her. What was going to happen?

- "I was talking to her, dumbass"- Gerard flipped the bird to Mikey as Joey stayed hugged to his younger brother. He wished she could hug him like that one day. That night maybe...

- "You are the best brother on earth"- she whispered- "Now please go to your room and sleep."

- "Eat some chocolates, take a bath and fall asleep, ok?"- Joey nodded, and Mikey left the room.

Suddenly she realized it was just her and Gerard. For the first time in weeks. But her mind didn't have room to think about anything else but the pain she was feeling. She missed Matthew so much; watching Lethal Weapon was the best idea at the moment.

Gerard kept drawing in silence, and Joey watched the movie until it was over. She ate a few more Snickers and went through the pages of one of the mandala coloring books Gerard had given her.

- "Are you going to take that bath?"- he asked her. But she didn't answer. She had spaced out, staring at her hands in front of her- "Joey? Are you ok?"

- "Yes,"- she murmured and took a deep breath- "Yeah, I'm gonna shower."

- "Do you need me to run the shower for you?"- the singer asked, standing up, but the girl excused herself, moved out of the bed quickly, grabbed a clean pajama from her bag, and locked herself in the room.

Gee looked around and sighed. He knew she wasn't ok at all, so he cleaned the room a little, threw all of the empty bags of chocolates into the paper bin, called room service to take their dinner dishes away, and made the bed.

- "Hey babe"- he whispered as Lynz picked up the phone- "How are you?"

- "Good baby, you?"

- "So fucking tired"- he might have exaggerated that a little bit- "We had an eternal day today, doing a lot of press for the festival tomorrow."

- "My sweet baby, are you in the hotel?"

- "Yeah, already in bed "In Joey's bed, asshole."

- "And how's everybody?"

- "We are all exhausted. It's been forever since we've been home."

- "I know, honey, I miss you so."

- "I miss you more, baby."

Joey sat under the hot water of the shower, crying her eyes out. She held those tears for so long that day. She needed to get them out of her system when no one could see or hear her. Under the shower was good, with water running down her whole aching body.

She felt so much pain inside it seemed to be endless. She was never going to overcome it. Joey knew it. She actually thought she could die of sorrow. And her friends had been so nice to her. She felt she had to be better, so they were calmer. She didn't want to make them sick worry about her.

- "You to put out a show from the next day and start acting like you are getting over this whole deal"- she whispered to herself and whipped off her tears- "They deserve better than a broken drummer. You have to be professional, you are here to work, and you have to fucking do your best work."

But still, she looked at the ring that was still on her finger, and the tears came back. She didn't want to take it off. She wanted to hold onto the memory of the days she was happy. But it was so hard. She had been broken-hearted before, but not like that. It had never been like this. It felt like the end of her world, and she was sure she was never going to recover from it. She wouldn't be the same woman that she was before. She just didn't know how much of the old Joey was going to survive.

- "Joey, are you ok in there?"- Gerard asked from the other side of the door- "You've been in the shower for a long while."

- "Yeah, I'm coming out in a minute,"- she answered and cleared her throat- "You can go to your room if you want to, I'm ok."

- "I'm not leaving until you are tucked and asleep into that bed, Joey."

Gerard sighed and closed his eyes. He had brought this to her. She deserved him to be nice to her. Nice, he could do nice. He just had to turn his dick off, and everything was going to be ok.

Easier said than done, clearly.

Joey walked out of the shower in her pajamas, hair already dried, and night cream on her face, 'cos she had done nothing for herself in the whole day, and a part of her needed to feel a little human again.

- "You didn't have to stay,"- the girl said as soon as she saw Gerard sitting on her bed, his back resting on the headboard.

- "I didn't want to leave"- he simply answered and tapped the bed beside him- "Come here... "- she sighed and thought a few months ago she would have been shaking as jelly under those circumstances. Now it seemed Joey couldn't even think of Gerard in any way that wasn't a friend.

She crawled into the bed and looked at what he was doing. He had been working on a sketch for a long while now.

- "What are you doing?"

- "Not much, just trying to ease my mind, I think"- he answered and showed Joey his drawings- "I've been working on characters for the stories I wanna write, so I keep making sketches of random thoughts and ideas I've got for them"- Gerard opened another folder and showed Joey some more of his work- "These I've developed for a long while, but I still don't feel they are ready."

- "How do you know they are ready?"- he hesitated for a second before answering.

- "I guess they never really are. You are constantly changing little things about them with time."

- "Like songs?"

- "Yeah"- the girl looked at the drawings in silence for a few minutes. Gerard looked at her as she stared at each sheet with detention. He analyzed her eyes, her lips, and her cheeks. She was still very pale, black rings under her eyes. But yet, for him, she was gorgeous. He was dying to hold her.

- "They are pretty cool,"- she said and handed them back.

- "Hey, did you ever finish the song you were writing the other day?"

- "The other day, you mean five months ago?"- he nodded, thinking it felt it was just a few weeks ago- "Yeah, I did."

- "Can I hear it?"

- "Sure, one day you'll hear it, not today, dude. Today, I don't want anything"- he nodded and watched her sighing.

- "Another movie?"- and she nodded- "Do you wanna pick it?"

- "No... I don't care what's on the screen as long as I don't think"- Gerard grabbed the remote control as Joey kept playing with the ring on her finger- "Are you going to..."

- "I'm not talking about it,"- she answered right away.

- "Sorry..."- he muted and surfed through the pay-per-view options until he picked up "The Goonies." Joey didn't say a word. That was one of Matthew's favorite movies. But she wanted to watch it. She wanted to feel he was close. She was so mad and so in love that she didn't know what to do.

Gerard put all his art supplies in his bag and cuddled next to Joey. He did it just like Frank had done the night before: like it wasn't a big deal at all. He wrapped an arm around her neck and moved closer. She didn't do anything against that. Instead, she rested her head on his chest and sighed. Gerard felt triumphant. She was in his arms, finally. But Joey had cuddled for one reason only: it was the best position to hide the tears that started falling slowly as the movie began. She remembered clearly the first time Matthew "forced her" to watch "The Goonies." It was a Saturday. It was raining outside. They spent the whole day in bed, watching movies, making love, eating chocolate chip hotcakes, and s'mores. It was the perfect day. Now it was just a hurtful memory.

Meanwhile, back in Los Angeles, Gubler could feel the anger coming from Paget's eyes as he came clean and told her the whole story. They were at his house drinking beer and talking. Mostly Matthew was doing all the talking, while his best friend decided which was the best moment to hit him.

- "You are fucked"- Paget simply said as he kept talking. He stopped and frowned. But nothing came from his mouth- "I can't believe you did that! You are disgusting, Matthew!!"

Paget lost it for a second. She never, in all the years she had known her best friend, ever thought he could do such a thing.

- "I know"

- "I just... why did you do it?"

- "I was drunk!"

- "That's not an excuse!! You've been drunk before! And your cock hadn't ended up in your ex-girlfriend's mouth, so be honest with me and tell me what the fuck happened?"

- "I don't know! When I noticed it wasn't Joey, I stopped it all!"

- "You thought your girlfriend was sucking your cock?"

- "Yes!"

- "And why did you make out with those girls at the dancefloor?! Everybody saw you!"

- "I lost it for a second, 'cos I was scared Joey might cheat!"- Matthew murmured and looked at the floor, so ashamed of his own words.

- "And you did it 'cos you were scared she would?!"- Paget yelled and smacked his head- "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

- "I don't know!"- the boy rubbed his hands against his face feeling the anger filling his whole body- "Don't you think I regret it?! I hate myself! I was stupid!"

- "Yes! You were fucking stupid! Do you know what it takes to get someone to love you the way she does?! Do you know how hard it is to find someone as weird as you?!"

- "I know it's hard! I know it's fucking impossible, and I know I fucked it up! But I need you to help me fix this!"

- "You could start by going to see her and beg for forgiveness!"

- "That's what I want to do, but mom said I have to give her a few days to calm down."

- "She is right, and you have to calm down too."

- "She said I sound like a mad man."

- "Madder than usual, yes"- Paget nodded, still serious- "And where is she now?"

- "Spain, she has a huge festival show tomorrow, it's gonna be televised..."

- "So you get to see her live?"- he nodded- "And after that?"

- "Germany, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, she is only staying one day at those places, she is traveling by bus, so she is going to be stuck with the band all the time. And those guys hate me."

- "Right now, I hate you too."

- "Please stop hating me and help me find a way to get to her 'cos I know they are not gonna let me."

- "They have nothing to do with this whole situation! What are you talking about?"

- "Well, they've always been very protective of her, which used to bother me a lot, until I realized they loved her like a little sister, and she is happy with that 'cos she doesn't have many friends."- Matthew was talking very fast, as the words kept coming nonstop- "Eventually, we got closer, especially with Mikey. He is like her older brother on the road, and he is so fucking nice to her for a moment, I thought he was in love with her. But it turns out he loves her as a sister, which made me happy 'cos it meant she wasn't alone in that tour."

- "To the point, Matthew."- Paget sighed, annoyed.

- "Yeah, sorry. What happened was I called her after our fight, and Frank picked up the phone and told me he is going to kill me if he ever sees me again, and threaten me to beat the shit out of me if I ever try to get near her."

- "What at asshole!"

- "I know!"

- "You completely deserved that!"

- "Paget!!"

- "You would do that for me if someone breaks my heart, so deal with it"- Gubler nodded and for a second, then chuckled.

- "A few months ago, Joey told me the same thing..."- he sighed and stayed in silence- "I miss her so much it hurts."

- "I know"

- "I need to get her back..."- his friend didn't say a word, just rubbed his arm gently and cut him a short smile.

Paget couldn't promise him he was going to get her back 'cos she knew how much it hurt being cheated on, and she had never forgiven a guy for that. And by everything Matthew had told her about Joey so far, she knew she wasn't going to do that either. But she couldn't tell him to give up either. She knew he wasn't going to.

Joey sighed. The movie was over, and she was starting to feel tired. She was afraid to sleep though, she knew she would dream with Matthew Gray, and it hurt to even think about it.

- "Ready to get some rest?"- Gerard whispered. She didn't move- "I know you are awake."

- "Are you a psychic?"- she whispered, and he just smiled.

- "I can see your reflex on the screen"- he caressed her hair softly- "Do you need anything?"

- "No... thanks."

- "Do you want me to stay over tonight?"- Gerard simply asked, making sure it sounded like no big deal, though he could hyperventilate if she ever said yes- "I wouldn't mind."

- "I think I could use some time on my own"- Joey answered and moved on the bed, sitting next to him

- "I get it..."

- "Thank you, though. Thank you for taking care of me today and for bringing me so many things."

- "Hey, don't thank me for it. I'm glad I could make you smile even a little bit"- Gerard murmured and tuck some hair behind Joey's ear softly- "I just want you to be happy. You deserve to be so happy."

She didn't move, mostly 'cos she had spaced out thinking about Matthew again. She didn't seem to have room in her head for any other thought but him.

Gerard saw this as a chance to move a little further. He kept his hand in her hair and moved it slowly down to the backside of her neck. The girl chilled and looked into his eyes. That look, it wasn't a friendly one, and she just noticed it.

- "Joey, you deserve so much better than what he did to you, and if it were for me, I would give you everything, my whole life."

- "Thank you, Gerard"- she whispered and smiled- "You are a good friend."

- "I wasn't saying that as a friend."

Way smiled and moved closer to her, his nose touching hers. She didn't move. She didn't know what to do, actually. She had always thought he was incredibly hot, but she never wanted to cheat on Matthew. But now, that didn't matter anymore.

Gerard moved a few centimeters closer, and his lips touched Joey's. Electricity ran down his back as he kissed her slowly, just to make sure she wasn't going to move away. She didn't. And slowly, she kissed him back.

His hands cupped her face carefully as Gerard increased the kiss, slipping his tongue between her lips. They tasted like chocolate, and they felt warm against his. It was blissful. It was like all the months he had to wait to feel that kiss had been completely worthy. That was the best kiss he had ever given, and his heart was rising so much, he thought it was going to escape from his chest.

Joey wasn't thinking. She wasn't at all. She just went along with the kiss 'cos it felt nice. And it also felt like payback. Like if by kissing Gerard, she was getting sweet revenge for what Matthew had done to her.

Gerard increased the kiss a little more, biting her lower lip and moving her closer to him. He wrapped an arm tight around her and kept a hand playing from her cheek to her neck slowly. Joey was enjoying this, Way was a pretty good kisser, and it was honestly a kiss she had thought about a million times. But it felt empty, like the kind of kiss you give to a random guy when you are drunk at a party. And this wasn't a random guy. This was her colleague, her married colleague.

- "Stop"- she whispered and broke the kiss.

- "What is it?"- she landed her hands on Gerard's chest and pushed him away softly.

- "This is wrong."

- "Why?"- Joey frowned as he held her hands and looked confused.

- "Well, apart from the obvious"- she said and pointed at his wedding right- "I'm at the lowest point of my life, and we work together. I can't afford to lose my job right now, so kissing one of my colleagues seems like a pretty shitty idea to me."

- "Not to me."

- "Gerard... that's your cock talking,"- Joey stood up and looked at him.

- "I've longed to kiss you for a long while"- he confessed following her and standing right in front of her- "And I've got the feeling so did you."

- "That's not the point. This it's wrong."

- "But it felt good, and you know it."

Gerard leaned to her, held her face, and pressed his lips against her, this time in a passionate kiss that made Joey feel weak on her knees. Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around his neck and felt his hands on her waist, moving her closer. So close that she could feel his erection, rubbing against her body.

- "You should go"- Joey whispered, gasping for air as she moved from his lips.

- "But I wanna stay"- she shook her head immediately.

- "You have to go, Gerard."

- "But, Sugar"- he murmured and rubbed his lips against her. She let him go slowly and looked at him, shaking her head again- "Ok..."- he grabbed his jacket and his shoes and landed a soft kiss on Joey's cheek- "Good night, sugar."

- "Bye, Gerard."

The singer walked out of that room and sighed. That had been the best kiss of his life. But Joey was right; it had been a mistake. However, it was a mistake he wanted to make ever since he first saw her. Still, he had just cheated on his wife. But that was a thought he needed to ignore at the moment. He had kissed the girl he loved. And he was in heaven.

Joey was in hell. She hated herself so much she wanted to die. She brushed her teeth over and over again, tears falling from her eyes. Her head hurt after so many days of crying. She had kissed another guy. And though Matthew had done the same to her, she still felt guilty and dirty. She was so sorry for what she had done; she knew it had been a terrible mistake. She didn't even want to face Gerard after that.

He was so eager for her, he had been holding that kiss for a long time, and he simply confessed it, like it wasn't a big deal. But it was. It meant Matthew had been right all along; Gerard had a thing on her, something that had ended up being a hot kiss. A very hot kiss. And if she hadn't stopped him, it was clear where Gerard wanted to go.

- "He had a boner for Christ Sakes!"- the girl argued, walking back to bed- "A fucking boner!"- she got under the covers, wrapping her arms around her legs, biting her lips so hard she nearly drawn blood.

Kissing someone else while still in love with Matthew didn't feel right. She didn't want to do it again. No matter how hot Gerard was. She missed her boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend. How was she ever going to get over him? She knew it was impossible. You don't love someone that much and successfully take him from your heart.

It was a good thing that Mikey had her phone, 'cos she felt the urge to call Matthew at the moment. That would have been stupid, and she knew it. But still, it physically hurt to miss him so much. She needed to talk to him. But Mikey had her phone... he didn't have her computer, though.

She looked for it in her backpack and started it on right away.

- "What the fuck are you doing?"- she asked herself out loud as she stared at the screen- "You can't talk to him... you are going to cave in."

Joey brushed her hands against her face and closed the computer. But after a few minutes, she poured herself a glass of whiskey and opened it again. She had decided to check her mail, and maybe Twitter, nothing related to her boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend.

But her inbox was filled with emails from Matthew. At least twenty. Her stomach tightened as soon as she saw them. She took a sip of whiskey and opened the first one. It was sent the night before, probably after Frank had yelled at him and turned off her phone.

"I'm so sorry Yami, I know I was stupid and drunk, and I'll regret it for the rest of my life. But I need you to know you are the only woman I wanna spend the rest of my life with. I love you so much it hurts to think of a day without even hearing your voice."

Joey was already crying. This wasn't healthy. Why was she doing it? She needed to sleep. She needed to get her mind from Matthew. But the memory of Gerard's kisses was right there hunting her too. She poured herself another whiskey and walked around the room. Maybe she could drink herself to sleep. But, she had a huge gig the next day, and she had to be professional.

- "Fuck! I wanna die..."- she sobbed and opened the next mail.

"I know you don't want to talk to me, and I get it. I just need you to understand how much I love you and that I'm willing to do anything to fix this, anything you want, everything you ask; I'll do it, but please, please don't leave me."

- "I have to stop this..."- she took another sip of her whiskey and whipped off her tears. She walked to the phone and talked to the front desk.

- "Hello, sorry to bother you, but can you please connect me with room 1201? Thank you"- the girl waited in line for what felt like ages until she heard Mikey's half-asleep.

- "Joey, are you ok?"

- "No, I'm not ok. Can you come and sleep with me, please?"

- "I'll be right there"- Joey stayed still, eyes glued on the screen, reading over and over again the last mail she had opened.

Mikey didn't even knock. He still had her key, so he just walked into the room in boxers and shirt, shoeless and with his hair made a huge mess. Mikey didn't say a word either; he just took the computer away from her and closed it, grabbed the glass, drank what was left of her whiskey, and got Joey under the covers of the bed. She was shaking and crying quietly.

- "You are gonna be ok Bug, I swear, please try to get some sleep"- he said and held her tight, spooning her- "I'm right here, I'm going to take care of you, ok?"- she nodded and sighed- "Now close your eyes and sleep, I've got you, ok? I've got you."

Joey sniffed and sobbed a little, feeling how her brother's arms tightened around her.

- "Thank you, Mikey."

- "You did the same for me. I owe you my life at this point. I'm never going to leave you."

Back in Los Angeles, Matthew was drunk, calling and calling Joey without any result. Her phone was off, her voicemail was full. So he continued writing emails. At least he could put his heart out in a way, though he had no idea if she was ever going to read them.

Paget, next to him, tried to stop him. But it was useless. The boy wanted to write and ignored everything else.

- "Matthew, Matthew"- she said and shook her arm- "Buy the fucking plane ticket to see her!"

- "Yes!!"- he kind of shouted and took a paper from his pocket- "This is Yami's tour schedule... the movie ends in two days, I can go take a plane straight from the set... so I have to go to Oslo if I wanna catch her."

- "Nice! Bring souvenirs"- his friend smiled, trying to cheer him up

- "Deal"- the boy grabbed his credit card and booked the first flight he found to Norway- "You know it is our anniversary next 17th, if everything goes right, we could actually celebrate our first year together."

- "Please, Matthew, and I need you to listen to me"- Paget said seriously and looked into her best friend's eyes, making sure he would understand her, though he was wasted- "Please, whatever you do, don't fuck it up! ok?"

- "Yes."

- "'Cos this is going to be the only chance you'll get to talk to her and fix everything. Trust me."

Gubler nodded with widened eyes. He was drunk, tired, and devastated, but still, he got how serious and honest Paget was with him. He knew he wasn't going to get many chances to get Joey back. And maybe that was going to be the only one.

taglist @all-tings-diego @worryd0ll

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#mcr #matthew gray gubler #gerard way #mikey way #frank iero #matthew gray gubler x oc #ray toro #three cheers for sweet revenge #babymetaldoll writes

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starlightxsvt · 4 years

Text

Hellion

pairing: Jeonghan x female reader

genre: fluff, suggestive, idk what this is

warnings: cursing

word count: around 1.5k

A/N: Firstly, happy birthday to the Jeonghan, our con man. I know I'm a day late so forgive me for that. Secondly, I've no idea what the hell I wrote. I've cancelled two other drafts I wrote for his birthday cause none of them were coming together and in the end I've decided to post this shit. Anyway, your feedback would be really appreciated in this mess of a story :').

"What's Jeonghan doing here?" You hiss to Mingyu who has a hard time prying his eyes off of Chaeyeon. "I invited him. I never thought he'd actually come. I'm surprised too." He replies.

"Wha- why would you invite Jeonghan to my birthday party!" You glare at him to which he rolls his eyes, "Come on now, he's in our friend group. And college is almost over. You don't know when you'll see him again. Ogle him while he's still here." He smirks.

"What did you just s-"

"Oh come on, don't act like I don't know that he's your secret crush. Maybe make up with him and if you're lucky you'll get some good dick as a birthday present." Mingyu chuckles at your open mouth before scurrying away to avoid your wrath. You glare at his retreating figure before inhaling sharply. And before you can stop yourself, you start to look for him.

You spot Jeonghan at the large porch in the back of Mingyu's house, sitting in one of the porch seats while sipping beer. He looks dashing as always, his black hair messy, his pale skin glowing in the moonlight, his cheekbones getting a prominent shine. You sigh.

Jeonghan was an exhausting person to be around and maybe, he'd say the same for you. You've known him since highschool and after a particular incident of him spilling his banana milk all over your brand new scarf, you decided to call it war. To this day you believe that he did it on purpose because you told your homeroom teacher that he slept during his class.

After that it was like an unspoken rule- you two would bicker whenever you were in the same space. It only infuriated you that he was so good looking, smart, famous and the fact that you had some feelings developing for him. Each time you saw him with a girl you'd feel a bitter feeling all over and you could only hope that those feelings would pass over time. But no they didn't, they only grew- the small branches had formed a tree now, the roots planted deep in your heart.

"How long are you going to stand there and stare at me?" Jeonghan calls, without turning behind. You clear your throat before walking to him, "Didn't expect to see you here, fuck face."

"Can you not call me names for a day please? You're just jealous I'm good looking." He remarks drowning the can of beer.

You snort, "Haha. You wish, loser." You plop down beside him. "I see you've finished quite a few cans. What's up? Got ditched?" You poke him.

"What do you care?"

"You're ruining the mood here with all these sad aura around you. Go drink your sorrows away somewhere else, this is my party."

"Yet you are sitting with me and my sad auras."

"I came to tell you that," you scoff, crossing your arms over.

"Parties are not your thing, I know. And Mingyu wasn't shy on inviting people. It feels more like his birthday than yours." Jeonghan comments, still staring ahead. His words are true and they infuriate you. You can't help but get defensive, "What do you know, sad boy? I'm enjoying myself just fine."

"And yet you are sitting with me and-"

"Stop saying that, will you!" You snap. Jeonghan chuckles before looking at you. He unabashedly eyes you up and down, heating your cheeks up in the process.

"Nice dress," he murmurs. His words catch you off guard and you glare at him, "Stop staring at me, pervert."

"You were staring at me earlier."

"Seriously? Can you stop for one goddamn second?"

"You're the one who started it."

"That's it. I shouldn't have come here," you stand up to leave but to your utter surprise Jeonghan grabs your hand, sending your heart to a frenzy. "Wait."

You swallow nervously, heart thudding loudly in your chest as Jeonghan lets go of your hand and meets your eyes, "Sit down, I've a gift for you."

You frown, "You have a gift for me?" Jeonghan nods before sitting straight, setting down his can. "Before that, I need you to know something."

"W-what?"

"I really didn't spill my milk all over you intentionally that day." He meets your eyes.

You can't help but laugh out loud partially because he's still concerned about that and partially because you believe he's lying.

"Listen here, sad boy, I've put that well past me. And I know for a fact you did it on purpose so don't-"

"You didn't, ___. We've been fighting over that for our whole goddamn lives. And no, I'm not lying. I've no reason to. I never cared if you told our teacher shit or not." His chocolate orbs bore into yours and you swallow. The air surrounding you suddenly becomes thick and you start to feel jittery and maybe a slight amount of guilt. Is he really speaking the truth?

"W-whatever, I don't care anymore." You say, sitting down gently beside him.

"And yet you still hold a grudge against me," Jeonghan sighs. "Besides you're not even fun to fight with."

"What did you say?"

He laughs, his eyes forming crescents and the sweet melody echoing in the air. You quickly look away before he catches you staring, "I don't have all day. Where's my gift?"

"Yeah, right." From beside him he produces a bag that you didn't notice before. He hands it to you and you tentatively peek in, half expecting a bug to jump out.

To your utter surprise, a scarf that looks identical to the one he ruined lies there. A small gasp leaves your mouth.

"I bought it that day after I stained yours. I was going to give this to you as an apology but dear lord, you were on my ass the second I got to class next day." Jeonghan speaks and a blush coats your cheek leaving you feel vulnerable all of a sudden.

"I don't know what to say," You whisper more to yourself. Jeonghan chuckles, "I know, you're touched. It's okay, we're even finally."

You bite your lip and exhale loudly before meeting his eyes, "Thanks." Jeonghan moves his hand in a dismissive wave. "I thought I'd finally give it you, call it a truce. We'll probably never see each other again after this month and I wanted to depart on good terms."

Your throat constricts, an overwhelming sadness enveloping you. He's right, you two would probably never see each other again. His dad owns a huge business and he'd probably go abroad to manage it.

"You're right, let's call it a truce," you whisper staring at the scarf in your lap.

"Come on now, don't look so sad, sad girl," Jeonghan teases you and you roll your eyes. He's still the same.

He hands you a beer, "Have a drink with me to sign the truce." You quietly laugh, taking the can from him. You two share a comfortable silence, staring at the night sky, the music from the party fading into the background until Jeonghan decides to break it.

"I know you like me, ___." The words slip past his lips like it's the most casual thing ever. You choke on your beer before looking at him eyes wide like saucers, "W-what!"

Jeonghan slightly turns to face you, his features calm, "You don't have to act. I've known all along."

Oh. My. God.

Heat spreads all over your face like wildfire. Your first thought is that Mingyu told him. You chew your lip as you see no way out. "W-who told you?" You squeak.

"I've figured it out myself," He says nonchalantly, resting his head on his hand as you stares at you.

"You-you did?"

"Mhmm."

You fumble with the hem of your dress before murmuring out, "I-I should get going." You need to escape him. Forever.

But Jeonghan isn't done. He casually goes on, "I've always thought you were pretty. Even when you get red after losing an argument." You blush furiously as your palms sweat.

"You know I really had no intention of picking a fight with you but you...you were so desperate to bring me down. You always speak too much and I often think about the many ways I could shut your loud mouth. Such a shame, we would've made a great couple."

Your face feels like it's on fire by now. You swallow before nervously laughing, "I s-see what you're doing here...You're trying to p-prank me, asshole."

Jeonghan runs a hand through his hair, sighing, "See? There you go again, running that damn mouth." Your lips press together as you clench your fists, thinking of a way out. In the blink of an eye Jeonghan scoots closer to you and leans in to capture your lips in a kiss.

A squeak leaves your mouth as Jeonghan tilts your head, cupping your cheek. You want to pull back, smack him, call him names but you can only moan as his mouth slots against yours perfectly. Your tongues clash as you grab a fistful of Jeonghan's shirt, moaning.

When you pull back for air, you're mortified, wanting to be swallowed up by the ground. Jeonghan is totally calm as he takes in your messy state licking his lips.

"Do you want to continue?"

"W-wh-what?"

"I said do you want to continue this? If you don't want to I'll leave. If you do then you're coming home with me. Which one is it gonna be, ___?"

You bite your lip. Oh my God. This can't be happening.

You grit your teeth as every ounce of your resolve disappears, "I...I want you."

The smile on Jeonghan's face is victorious, a smile you've seen million times before, a smile that makes you week in the knees. "Good girl." He says encasing your lips in another kiss before standing up holding out his hand. "Come along, sweetheart. I'm gonna ruin you for any other man. Even when it's morning you'll only be thinking about me," he whispers in your ear before tugging you out of the porch- your heart hammering in your chest as you squeeze the scarf on your hand.

Fuck, you owe Mingyu a fruit basket or some shit now.

A/N 2: Also, that video of Jeonghan exercising made me 🥵🥵 this man is so infurating. I was literally dehydrated from watching that video.

306 notes · View notes

allyreactions · 4 years

Text

Dating NCT | Mark

- masterlist requests : OPEN

__________________________

║ pairings ; mark lee x fem! reader

║ genre ; fluffy fluff, smut, angst

║ word count ; 2.4k

__________________________

~ A/N : I’ve been so soft for Mark, I just had to let it out. also I think I went a little bit overboard ... I wrote so much. so please pretty please send me your feedback on it because I literally poured my heart into this post. thanks 🥺

~ Admin Ally

* gif credits to the owner *

♡ how you meet :

you first met Mark at the local bookstore

you were browsing through the fiction section, searching for your next read

as you pursued the shelves, you slid your finger across the spine of the books

until landing on the mystery novel you had been searching for

you removed the book from the shelf and added it to the stack of books you were carrying in your other arm

feeling satisfied with your collection, you proceeded to walk over to the lounge area to review the books

you sat down in a large, green armchair and placed the stack of books next to you on the side table

you picked up the first book, the mystery novel you had been dying to get your hands on, and started reading through the authors note on the inside cover

as you were flipping through the pages, glancing at the chapters, someone tripped over your foot

“oh, my bad”

the boy shyly bowed and apologized

“it’s okay,” you replied nodding back

the boy continued on his way and walked over to the magazine section

there he joined two other boys, you assumed they were friends

you shrugged off the interaction and diverted your attention back to your book

about 10 minutes pass by and you’ve glanced over each book you’ve found

you decided to buy the mystery novel and a YA romance novel

you gathered your things before putting the other books back on the shelf

you were back in the fiction section, your eyes scanning the shelves to find the correct place to put away a sci-fi novel when you heard some muffled giggling behind you

you decided not to turn around and focused on finding the section of books that matched the one you were trying to put away

“Johnny, I’m not gonna talk to her” a boy said in a whispered tone

“you’ve been staring at her this whole time, go talk to her!” encouraged another boy, you assumed it was the boy names Johnny

you tried again to ignore the whispers behind you

that is until you felt a tap on your shoulder

you turned around and were faced with a black-haired blushing boy

you glanced at the two boys behind him who were pretending to be inconspicuous, but failing at it

one boy was tall with auburn hair and held a starbucks cup in his hand

the other was slightly shorter with long blonde hair, is that a mullet?

“I um, ..” the boy in front of you spoke

you returned your gaze back to the shy boy

“I uh, my name’s Mark”

you were still very much confused as to what was going on

you didn’t mean to, but the puzzled look on your face must have given the boy a bad feeling because he said

“I don’t mean to bother you, but I um .. I think you’re really cute”

his ears were bright red and he had trouble looking you in the eye

he was so nervous

it’s charming

“I promise I’m not a bad guy, but um, would you lie to go on um ... a date with me?”

♡ first date :

you guys had been talking for a few days leading up to your date

Mark wanted to make sure you didn’t think he was some sort of weirdo for asking you out in Barnes and Noble

and he wanted you to at least get to know him before going out

and the two of you discussed your schedules and were able to set up a date and time for the two of you to go out

and Mark, being the gentleman that he is, decided to take you to a restaurant for your first date

he wanted to keep things sort of traditional and classy and make you feel special

he’s a softie like that

he really wanted to impress you by dressing nice in a blazer and dress shoes

he wanted to prove that he’s more than just the nervous, giggly guy you found in a bookstore

ugh im so soft

anyway, Mark picks you up and you two head to the restaurant together

once you’re seated at your table, the waiter takes your orders for drinks and appetizers

once she leaves, there’s nothing but silent tension

Mark’s hand flies to the back of his neck, nervously fildeling with the hair behind his head.

“you look really nice” he said, his voice was low

you could sense the anxiousness by his tone

“thanks, you look really nice too” you said, returning the compliment

there was another long pause

“how are your books? I.. I mean the ones you bought last week” Mark asked, he was making an effort to start a conversation

the two of you had no problem talking over text, but the both of you are clearly nervous around each other

was it because both nervous and socially awkward? or was it the sexual tension?

who knows

eventually the awkwardness subsided sort of

Mark was still visibly nervous

he kept rubbing the back of his neck and would stutter every so often

it was cute that he was nervous

but it’s all part of his charm

I mean, that’s the reason you agreed to go out with him in the first place

alright, back to your dinner

you were able to have a decent conversation with him

the two of you discussed your family and friends, your hobbies and interests

nothing too wild

but the whole time, Mark listened to you intently

he would ask questions, furthering your conversation

he seemed genuinely interested in getting to know you and learning about your interests

it was refreshing and sweet

every so often, he would crack a joke

and they were always so cheesy and dorky

but it was cute, so you laughed along

after your meal, Mark had offered to walk you home before it got too late

he wanted to make sure you got home safely

when you arrived at your doorstep, the two of you exchanged goodbye’s

“I had a good time tonight” you said

“I’m glad, so did I” Mark smiled back shyly

you placed a soft peck on his cheek

his cheeks flushed pink and the tip of his ears turned bright red

“Good night beautiful” Mark said, taking ahold of your hand

he leaned in and gently kissed your forehead

♡ living together / couple stuff :

everyday with Mark is an adventure

and I mean that in the best way

Mark is always full of surprises

sometimes he’ll be sitting in the living room and just start strumming his guitar and sing soft ballads and his voice would echo through the house

or you’ll be fixing dinner for the two of you in the kitchen and you’ll hear his infectious laughter from the living room

you and Mark have tons of inside jokes

he’s always making cheesy jokes

like even if his jokes aren’t funny

you’ll still laugh along because he’s just that cute and clueless

sometimes he’ll come home and share stories about his day

like he’ll talk about the producers he met with and the songs he’s been working on with them

and he’ll get super excited too

“babe, I can’t wait for you to hear the finished product”

not that that he wants validation from you, but hearing you praise him for his work and his music really gives him an ego boost

who doesn’t want to hear the love of their life compliment them on their passions?

also, you’re a huge inspiration and muse to him

now not every song he write its written about you, but when it comes to love songs on nct albums or a superm album, you’re always at the forefront of his mind when contributing to love lyrics

he loves adding little nods to your relationship in his music

it’s his way of showing his love for you

but it’s not always in just lyrics, he can also be romantic in his actions

although he can be a little awkward sometimes

he’s just a sweet puppy okay? be gentle with him

Mark is a big cuddle bug

he’s kind of clingy when he returns home from tour and promotions

and he wants to spend as much time with you as possible when his schedule is clear

mornings with Mark are an experience

he absolutely loves to treat you to breakfast in bed

but Mark isn’t the best chef

so he’ll either try his best at making you eggs and toast

or he’ll stop by your favorite cafe and purchase a to-go order

Mark loves making you feel special in any little way he can

but let’s talk about the night time

after dinner, the two of you like to cuddle up and watch the newest kdrama episode on tvN or just watch a random bad movie on Netflix to make fun of

you’ll of course have a big bowl of popcorn and finish it within the first 10 minutes of the movie

and when the movie is over, you’ll walk to your shared bedroom

and cuddle up under the blankets and snuggle into Marks chest

because of course he’s the big spoon

and you’ll interlock fingers

sometimes when neither of you can sleep, Mark encourages you to talk about whatever is on your mind

because sometimes you have too much going on and you mind is just so full that you can’t sleep

Mark is super understanding and just offers his ear to you

he’ll comfort you if there’s anything serious going on

Mark is just super supportive and loves having deep conversations with you

he loves how these deep conversations bring the two of you closer together because it strengthens your trust in one another

♡ arguments :

Mark doesn’t seem like the confrontational type

and the two of you don’t fight often

like I had mentioned before up above, you and Mark tend to tell each other everything

there’s not much that you hide from each other

and you guys have such a strong bond that jealousy doesn’t really affect you both

but that doesn’t mean that life stresses can’t affect you

now we all know that we tend to take out our frustrations on the people we love

so I feel like most of the bumps in your relationship could be related to the stresses from work and everyday life

like sometimes you just have a bad day at work

you boss is in a mood and takes it out on you, so you bring home that frustration and eventually take it out on Mark

even though you don’t mean to

another example may be the stress about your public relationship with him as an idol

obviously if you received hate, it might have an effect on your actions towards your boyfriend

you become distant and closed off a bit

the comments say that you don’t deserve someone like Mark, and even though you know they’re wrong that doesn’t mean their words don’t hurt

and when Mark realizes how closed off you’ve been, he’ll try to talk with you about it

of course he won’t force you to talk about things until you’re ready

but Mark can be a little fragile, and the fact that you’ve been distant would hurt him

and when he hears that you’ve been doubting that you’re worthy of his love really hurts him

he’ll comfort you and rub the tears from your face

seeing you cry just breaks his heart

♡ sexy time :

okay, now I’ve said this before, but Mark is a soft dom, possibly a switch

listen, don’t cancel me

I feel like Mark puts on a show that he’s super kinky

and his lyrics from ‘whiplash” and ‘drippin’ are proof of that

but when it comes down to the wire, I think he’s actually kind of nervous at first

sex with Mark for the first time is a sweet experience

of course, y’all aren’t going to jump straight into choking on the first night

Mark is a gentleman

a good christian boy

Mark is a soft dom for your first time

he’s very gentle and he takes his time, making sure that you’re comfortable and satisfied every step of the way

he places kisses all over your body, making sure he pays attention to every inch of your body

Mark pays attention to every moan and whimper that falls from your precious lips

he’ll leave love bites and markings in all your sensitive spots

his thrusts are slow and deep, making it easier for you to feel every inch of him completely fill you

I can’t see Mark finishing inside you for the first time, but creampies are definitely something he’s into

*cough* drippin by nct dream and drop by superm *cough*

he really likes creampies

but once the two of you get comfortable with each other and settle into your relationship, that’s when the kinks come out

I would say that Mark is open to experimenting in bed

and even though the both of you are comfortable with each other, Mark is still slightly awkward when talking about sex with you

it’s just who he is

when it comes to trying out things that you’re interested in, that’s when I feel like Mark would take the backseat

he’d sub on those nights

it’s just easier for you to take control when doing things that you’re interested in

but when it comes to you wanting Mark to choke you or spank you, I feel like he would be a little hesitant at first

he just doesn’t want to hurt you

he’s not sure how strong his grip should be around your throat

he’s not sure how hard he should spank you

what level of pain did you want to receive?

but once he saw your response and heard your begging, he’ll start to get into it

he’ll thrust into you hard and fast, his grip around your throat will tighten

he watches as your eyes roll back in pure pleasure, until you finally climax and cry out his name in ecstasy

he loves watching you cum all over him

I can see him wanting to try out cockwarming, but he’s somewhat nervous when brining it up to you

cockwarming is something the two of you do when you’re cuddling after sex

of something that you do in the morning when it’s cold outside and you just want to cozy up and share each other’s warmth

it’s an intimate thing that Mark’s been interested in trying out, and sharing moments like that with you would be pretty meaningful for him

259 notes · View notes

wendystales · 3 years

Text

Memories - lrh (Chapter Thirteen)

Memories (also on Wattpad)

Chapter Twelve ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ Chapter Fourteen

I position myself in the center of the panel, making the 104th pose that morning. Brandon guides me from one shot to the next, making everything easier.

Six makeups. Six hairstyles. Six changes of clothes, even though the focus was on my face. Why did I get into this?

The photo shoot was for a cosmetics brand, for which I was the cover girl. It wasn't a 7-headed bug, as I had been thinking all night, which resulted in an irritating insomnia. And even though I arrived shy and lost, when I saw my look all produced, I felt like a great hottie, which gave me the confidence to go to that studio and rock.

I was having fun, as Leah advised me. I threw my hair, made faces and danced. I shifted my attention between Brandon's camera and my cell phone, where Nico, one of the helpers, was filming behind the scenes and stirring up my social medias.

It's fun, but after the fourth change of clothes, I was exhausted. After all, that spotlight doesn't leave me and the light gets too hot.

“For you.” Nico hands me a pink lilies bouquet. I open a smile, confused.

The team that was with me today, the agency, the brand and my parents had already sent me some bouquets earlier today, congratulating me and celebrating my return to the fashion world. So whose would it be?

I hunt for the card, opening it in a rush. Nico rested his head on my shoulder, wanting to read along with me. The handwriting didn't make me doubt, they were Luke's.

“To make your day more beautiful.

Congratulations on your return.

Love, Hemmo.”

I open a smile completely shaken by that. I burst out laughing when I see under his name “and the rest of 5sos” written in a different hand.

I ask Nico to take a picture of me with the flowers and send it to him, who quickly responds with a Petunia figure with heart eyes. I know I need to drop the bouquet and go back to the photos, but it feels so difficult.

Finally, I leave the flowers to the dressing room and I focus myself. Brandon praises my goofy smile and begs me to keep it up.

I knew everyone wanted to come today and watch the photo shoot, but I begged so hard not to. If without anyone I was already terrified of, seeing everyone there, staring at me, I wouldn't leave the dressing room.

[...]

Leah and Kiki were at my house, getting ready for Ashton's birthday, and of course, to gossip. They were both super curious to know how my first shoot was and how I was feeling.

besides telling about work, I comment about Luke's flowers and, finally, I tell about yesterday's dreams that still haven't left my head, taking root in my mind, blooming when I least expect it and leaving me out of breath.

“Oh, you naughty one!” Hastings tosses me the pillow. "Are you going to tell him?" she sits up in bed.

“No! How do I tell this?” I question, not understanding.

“Luke, I remembered when we were like two pervert rabbits and we were always having sex in the corners. Simple.” Kiki shrugs, going back to making up her eyes.

“Kiki!" I reprimand her. I hide my face, laughing embarrassed. "We weren't like that…I think…were we?" I look quickly at both of them.

Kiki looks at Leah, holding back her laughter. The brunette stares at me in disbelief. Oh my God, we were! It takes time to sink in, because with Stephen, I avoided sex at all costs. It was so cold and awkward, that most of the time I was bruised and, in all cases, unfulfilled.

I remember the touch of the dream and how it felt so soft and intense, and so good. However, I still find it hard for me to have been so turned on that I started having sex everywhere.

“Are you sure?” I ask suspiciously.

"Oh, honey! I will have to tell you about my dad's birthday, have I?" Leah hugs me, making Kiki laugh.

"What about your father's birthday?" the same way I was feared of Luke when he started telling me about the day I threw up at his feet, I get with Leah.

“Well, it was my dad's 50th birthday. A big, big party and of course I invited all of you. We had just got back from Milan, you were away from Luke for a couple of weeks, so you’re kinda getting crazy by missing him.

"Make it crazy." Kiki comments.

“The plan was for us to arrive in the morning, you'd have time to see each other, and then in the evening we would go to the party. But our flight was delayed and you didn't have that time. So you decided to open the bathroom.” Leah gives a fake smile.

I took a few seconds to understand, and then I widen my eyes, wanting to sink into the ground. I can't believe we did this.

“Calm down! She didn’t told the best part”. Kiki leaves the bathroom, joining us.

“Oh, that's cool, is there a better part?” I look at them both desperately.

"Of course, there is a best part. Leah escorting you guys out of the bathroom" Kiki throws herself on the bed, laughing. “Oh God! Your faces were the best.”

“Was after that our friendship beat all the limits and you know, we got really close.” Leah smiles to me.

What was my problem? Oh Lord, I never, ever, in my all life, thought I'd give one of those. If anyone asked me, who would be most likely to do this, I would definitely say Leah, Kiki, and even Bethany, but I would never say my name.

What did Luke do to me?!

I look at my friends, shocked. They both start laughing, amused by my reaction. A few seconds later, I give up, starting to laugh too.

"Is there any other similar situation that I should know about?" I inquire with fear.

"Yes, but we don't have time right now." Kiki gets up from the bed, slapping my foot, asking me to get ready.

We turned on the music and continued to get ready. Leah goes down to the kitchen, returning with three beers. The subject changes and we start to gossip.

After hours of producing us, I come down wearing my silver sequin jacket, finding Leah with another beer in her hand.

“Well? Good? Great?” I take a stroll, showing off the leather pants and black tank top that valued my tattoo.

"I definitely would ask for your number!" she replies, making me smile.

"Do you think people will like it? I mean, isn’t that much?” I stop in a few poses while she watches me.

“Rephrase the question.” she leans against the table. I stare at her without understanding. “What you want to know is whether Luke will like it." I open my mouth a few times.

“Perhaps.” I answer softly. Hastings snorts, hiding her face.

“You two should pay for my therapy. Because it's not easy to take it.” she takes a deep breath.

I give a guilty smile. I head to the bar, grabbing a shot of tequila and flipping it quickly. I would find Luke in a few minutes and I still don't know how to face him. I close my eyes, letting the alcohol burn my throat and warm my body, along with the memories. The flashes come back to my mind, clear as water. I can hear the girls' voices again, telling them about Mr. Hastings' 50th birthday.

“Let's go?” Kiki's scream brings me back. Standing near the door, they wait for me to down another shot of tequila before we go.

Along the way, we took several photos, already moving our social medias. At the door of the restaurant, the swarm of paparazzi was already in place and as soon as we got off the car, they surrounded us. Hands and arms linked, the three of us entered, being saved by the huge walls that didn't let them see anything that happened inside.

We went to the back of the restaurant, in a more reserved space, where a long table took up half the back wall. Right away I spot Luke, laughing as he chats with Jack and another guy I don't recognize. I analyze your look, social pants and a black t-shirt.

How can someone look so beautiful, so simple?

I swallow hard when he notices our approach and looks directly at me. I look away, unable to hold on; the images screamed in my mind.

Irwin approaches, already quite excited, trying to hug the three of us at the same time. When Leah and Kiki go to greet the other guests, I calmly hug my best friend, congratulating him once more.

“Make yourself comfortable and behave” he leaves a kiss on my forehead, going to welcome other guests who have just arrived.

I turn in time to see Hemmings approaching, one glass in his hand and the other in his pants pocket. How? I hold my breath, giving a terrified smile. He opens his smile even more.

“Hey!” he says excitedly, close enough for me to hear. Those lips… what have they done… I close my eyes quickly, shutting my mind.

“Hey!” I answer awkwardly.

“How are you doing?” he hugged me, pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth. I close my eyes again, feeling it radiate with amazing speed throughout my body. I let out a breath in a sigh. I manage to catch his eyes as he walks away, hiding a more mischievous smile.

“Well!” my cheeks catch fire and the jacket starts to bother me. "Thanks for the flowers earlier today." I thank, while Luke leads me to the bar. His hand firmly on my waist reminds me of that hotel room. I bite my lip, holding back the urge to bang my head on the counter. "A shot of tequila." I ask desperately.

Luke raises his eyebrows in surprise but says nothing. I turn it over without a single thought, asking for another one, just in case. The heat that spreads through my body is the result of three doses ingested. I take off my jacket and, through the bar mirrors, I see Luke shamelessly sweep my body.

“It was nothing!” he says after clearing his throat. "I'm glad you liked it. So, how was your first shoot?” he leans his elbow on the counter, propping his head on his hand, visually interested.

The effect of the alcohol starts to kick in, and so I feel lighter in his presence, not bothering with the memories between the two of us, nor the fanciful situations that my mind starts to create. I tell about the rehearsal and how fun it really was to do it. In the middle of the answer, I get enthusiastic, telling everything in minute detail. Luke looks at me smiling and interested, without interrupting me.

“I’m sorry!” I cover my eyes, laughing. “I'm talking too much.”

A few more people had already arrived, but the two of us were still there, sitting at the bar. The most interesting thing was, everyone who arrived didn't dare come here and interrupt us.

“No! I love hearing you talk.” he smiles before taking another sip of gin. I lower my gaze, totally ashamed.

"I think we'd better go sit down." I comment, seeing everyone settling into their chairs.

“Let's go?” he offers his hand, helping me off the stool. I hold into his arm, walking to the table. "Should I keep an eye on you today?" he laughs. I repress the urge to say yes, but that's not the answer to his question.

“No! I won't drink that much.” I press my lips together in a thin line, embarrassed by Ash's party.

We sat next to each other, with Calum and Noah in front of us. Luke leans his arm on the back of my chair and I'm not shy about getting close to him, even with everyone in our group staring at us curiously. We embarked on a lively conversation with everyone around us.

Michael rushes in and apologizes for being late, taking his seat next to Hemmings.

"Was she with her?" I hear Luke ask, taking my full attention.

“Yep!” Mike gives a shy smile.

“Who she?” I almost walk through the body of the australian beside me, wanting to get close to Mike.

“Nobody special.” he shrugs.

“Yeah! Go for it.” Hemmo lets go, laughing. Michael slaps him on the head.

“It's nobody special. Just a friend. I swear!" he closes the matter, but he doesn't convince me.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me about it." I whisper, complaining to the blonde at my side.

“Sorry, there was no time. Also, I didn't even know it could lead to anything.” he shrugs. I stare Luke, waiting him to continue, but he is easily distracted by the napkin holder. I slap his head like Mike. “Ouch! What was it?” he looks at me shocked.

“Tell me!” Luke turns to face me, rolling his eyes.

“Her name is Sophie. They met at a Fortnite stream. She beat him and he went to congratulate her on the match, so they started talking and apparently it’s hitting something.” Luke shrugs, finishing the story.

“This is so cute. I hope it works!” I see Michael laughing over Luke's shoulder. “Is she pretty?” I question.

“This is a dangerous question.” I look back at him, confused. "Is there a chance you slap me?" I laugh.

"No." I don't get why I would hit him for finding someone pretty.

“She is pretty!" I hit him. “Hey! You said I wouldn't be hitten.” he accuses me.

“Sorry, it's just funny.” I defend myself by laughing. Luke turns forward, annoyed. I wrap my arm around his, which were on the table and come closer, placing a kiss on his cheek. "Are you going to be mad at me?" I question laughing.

"And I can do it?" he turns to me. His eyes drop to my lips and mine to yours. It would be a perfect time for a kiss, but I don't feel comfortable with all these looks on us.

Hemmo seems to understand my internal battle and just leaves a kiss on my forehead. I open a grateful smile and once again guide my attention to the conversation between Noah and Brian.

After a couple of hours of eating and drinking. We started to spread out through space, forming several conversation circles. I was having a blast with everyone. We sing, dance and record videos that we'll definitely regret later.

After starting to eat, I stopped drinking alcohol, after all, trauma still reigns inside me. So I wouldn't feel like the only sober one at the party, Hemmings decided to join me, stopping drinking too.

Relieved, of course, is the word to describe this night with him. I thought it would be hard to look at it with everything I remembered, but it was so light and fun, I admit I freaked out over nothing. As usual!

All through dinner, I try not to pay too much attention to everyone's eyes on us. We simply could not do anything that someone just needed to die of love. Luke was amused, while I just wanted to sink into the ground.

Yes, I may have had a clue as to how much I feel about Luke, but I still want to take it easy. I want to be sure, and for that, I need to stop being afraid. I know he's been realizing how I've changed and I'm letting him get closer and closer.

Our kisses, touches and smiles. Everything is falling into place and the fact that he doesn't put pressure on me helps me a lot. I already totally trust him, it just makes stronger.

Considering it was easy to stay close to him, without letting the shame take me, I didn't pull him away for a second, because most of the time he pulled me along and I liked that. I like being close to him.

“One round. Just one round.” Jack pleads, hands clasped under his chest.

“No! I've had too much today.” Luke denies it again, making his friend fake a dramatic cry.

"You drank when you arrived. A beer and a shot of gin. That's nothing.”

“I'll drive later and I'm keeping Marnie company.” he squeezes me tighter to his chest.

"Can't you drink?" Jack looks at me confused.

“Of course I can, I just don't want to, you know, make a scene. Or something like that.” I shrug. Jack rolls his eyes, turning back to Luke.

“One round.” he begs, making me laugh.

The boys were preparing a round of Answer or Drink with 10 different types of drink. So, they played and still got drunk.

“No!” Luke responds with a laugh.

For a few seconds, I leave the two of them arguing and go to the table to get my coat. With the lack of alcohol, I start to feel the cold of the air conditioning. On my way to the table, a voice stops me.

“Look what a wonderful surprise.” I turn quickly, feeling all the blood freeze through my body. "What a coincidence, isn't it?" I watch his smirk, knowing what his presence there would do.

“What are you doing here, Stephen?” I take a breath deep, controlling the urge to fly at him. Just like I did with Pam.

It's the first time we've seen each other since the diary report and I couldn't feel more disgust and loathing.

“It's a public place, Lizzie, and don't worry, I didn't come chasing you. I'm with friends.” he points to a table. “I just came to say hello.”

“Don't call me Lizzie, you know I hate it and why don't you take your fake education and stick it in your…”

“What are you doing here?” Luke walks past me, coming face to face with Stephen. "I already told you to stay away from her."

Soon, all the boys approach, ready to intervene. I grab his arm, trying to keep him close to me.

“Let him.” I beg, not wanting it to explode in the middle of the restaurant.

“Calm down, Hemmings.” the name comes out acid and full of poison. “I just came to say hello to Lizzie.” he laughs, hands in his pockets. "Don't worry, I'm not kissing her."

I close my eyes, feeling that hit both of us. That's low, very low. Luke steps forward, taking me with him. Noah and Jack are already starting to put their hands between them. Ash, Mike and Calum begin to put their hands on their friend's shoulders, pulling him along.

“Do not worry. I'm not going to spend my time punching him. But I'll just say one thing, Stephen.” he uses the same acid tone to say his name. "In case you're still dumb enough not to understand. It’s over! What you and Marnie had is over! So stop coming after her, because she doesn't want anything to do with you. She is with me.”

His tone of voice and body postureme impress. I've never seen Luke like this, so nervous, holding back so he doesn't explode, the veins in his neck bulging, proving how much he's controlling himself. I tighten your arm more tightly around my body. I bring my hand down until it's entwined with his, deceptively hoping that it will calm him down and bring him back to me.

“Funny. Cause from what I heard, you guys broke up, didn't you? What? You couldn’t stood the cheat?” he laughs, like he's made a great joke.

I don't know if he intended to hit Luke again, but without realizing it the words hit me. My blood boils and the words written in my diary take shape in my mind. Damn imagination.

I let go of my hand, putting myself in front of Stephen, who takes a step back. His gaze, full of curiosity and mockery, fixes on me.

“That’s enough, Stephen! I don't care about you. Pretend I never called you, just like I was before the accident and disappear from my life. I know you cheated on me and I don't want this torment in my life anymore. Go away.” I let go of everything contained, trying not to fly off his neck.

"Are you really going to believe their bullshit?" Stephen crosses his arms.

“Nobody had to tell me. I remembered." I see his eyes lose their mocking sparkle and he lose confidence. It's a lie, but he don't need to know. “There are at least twenty people here and they all want to hit you, including me, who wouldn't mind breaking my cast on your head. So if you don't want to get out of here on a stretcher, get out!”

I take a step back, feeling my heart pound and trying my best to keep myself from crying. Luke's agitated breath pulses against my spine. I lean against him, feeling his hand intertwine with mine, squeezing it delicately. Amazing how I feel safer, just with that touch.

Stephen passes his eyes around everyone and walks away without saying anything else. When his body pulls away, I release all the air I didn't even know I was holding. The boys start telling us to go back to the table.

I turn, pulling Luke, who is still standing there, facing my ex, who is sitting at the table with a group of friends. He turns around, pulling me easily into his arms. His hands tighten around my waist and I feel him exhale against my neck, giving me goose bumps. I stroke the back of his neck, trying to calm him down and show him that everything is fine.

We walked back to the table, striving for the mood from before. Ashton orders his birthday cake and we ourselves lull into the music, excited, mocking Irwin. While we devoured the cake, no one broaches the subject and I thanks for that. I know Hemmings and I will probably talk about it, but I don't want to involve the guys in this.

Gossip reigns at the table again. The entire group is engaged in conversation about the most disastrous trips ever made, minus the blonde and me. I watch him with his jaw still set and his gaze filled with rage, fixed directly on Stephen, who is across the room, staring at me.

It's a cycle: Luke stares at Stephen, who stares at me, while I stare at Luke.

I feel terrible for making him go through all of this. My amnesia, our breakup, my ex's return. Lucas doesn't deserve any of this. I need to reward him, but how?

“Hey!” I whisper, resting my chin on his bicep, but he doesn't hear me. "I want to leave, will you take me?" I question, hoping to gain any sign of him.

He looks at me nonchalantly, then blinks back to reality. Luke stares at the bleached on the other side, wanting to see if he's still trying something. I drop a small kiss on his shoulder, gaining his attention again.

“Of course! Let's go?” I nod, getting up.

Nobody is opposed to our leaving, I believe as much because of what happened as because it was the two of us. We walked across the room hand in hand, and with me clutching his arm, just to make sure he didn't fly into someone.

But I need to remember that Luke is just as classy as I am. Not just for the fame or the spectacle it would be, but because he was brought up that way. Educated not to go into violence, even if there was someone on the other side who deserved to be slapped.

I'm scared by the frantic flashes that start to pop when they notice the two of us. I cling closer to Luke, who makes room for his car. The delay for the questions to start is just for them to reason that it was the two of us there, together, after announcing our break up.

I keep my head down, focused on his thumb moving up and down, stroking my skin. Luke opens the car door and I settle in, still feeling the flashbulbs burst above us.

With great difficulty, we got out of that sea of people. We remained silent until we reached the intersection of the main lane that led to my house.

“Do you want to go home?” he asks, softly.

I can't identify any feelings in your voice. He is neutral, indifferent. Apart from the isolated fact, this night has been amazing and I don't want it to end, not in this mood.

“No!” I turn in the seat, facing him. "Isn't there anywhere I'd love to go? Or that we both went a lot?” for the first time, I see a glint run through his eyes.

“Yeah! In fact, there are two.” he cracks a smile, causing me to smile too.

Luke takes the other path, heading to some place I couldn't even imagine. The subject comes up between us and so the mood softens. As we talk, I list a number of places I've always liked in Los Angeles, wanting to guess where it would take me.

We turn onto Wilshire Boulevard and I guess where we're going. Hemmo parks his car near the Urban Light and I look forward to getting out of the car.

Before we exit the vehicle, he pulls two caps from the glove compartment, giving me a dark gray one. I look at that accessory, wondering if it was always mine, if we always wore it when we went out.

“Why am I not impressed that this would be the first place?” I question, holding his hand.

By the time, the sculpture was a little empty, with only a few couples taking pictures. Luke and I went unnoticed, walking between those huge poles.

We walked around, with me admiring those lighted poles. I've always liked this sculpture, I've always found it romantic because so many people are proposed here, and I love the lighting.

“Oh no!” I push Luke, finding your phone pointed at me.

"This one got blurry." he laments, pointing again.

“Luke!” I exclaim laughing. I try not to scream so as not to draw attention to both of us.

“Sorry about my behavior at the restaurant.” Hemmings says after a while, surprising me. I lean against a pole, watching him.

“Why are you apologizing?” I frown. Luke leans against the same post, shrugging.

"I didn't mean to spoil your night." he answers.

“You didn't! If there is one responsible, it is him! Stephen knows he shouldn't have shown up there.” I comfort him.

His blue eyes meet mine. I take a step toward him, standing on tiptoe, reaching for his lips, leaving a simple kiss there. Without pulling away completely, I see a goofy smile appear on his face, which also appears on mine.

"What's our second place?" I whisper, next to him.

“My bed.” he lets go.

“Lucas!” I push him away, laughing again. His laugh is contagious. If he knew about the memories…

“Just kidding." Uh-hm… "Ready to get full of sand?" he asks, holding out his hand.

“Always!” I grabbed, leaning my head on his arm as we made our way to the car.

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bunnys-beetlejuice-blog · 3 years

Text

bangs pots and pans together loudly FIC UPDATE COME GET YALL SOME JUICE

Apparently the vital, missing component to enjoying school was having a friend there. Go figure.

He and Kevin only have that first period class together, but they make the most of it, passing notes back and forth between the two of them, the teacher too tired that early in the morning to notice, or care. Lunch isn’t depressing anymore. They sit together under the shade tree, and Kevin does seem to also appreciate the view. “Can you even imagine working up a sweat, on purpose?” Betelgeuse pats his gut. “You know I can’t.”

“I can’t believe how little the track shorts are. That’s obscene. You think I’d look good in them?” “You join track and I’ll come to every meet, an’ it won’t be for th’ love of th’ sport.” He doesn’t think normal friends talk to each other like this, but he doesn’t actually know. Does everyone flirt with their friends? Are friends just cool people you wanna fuck but haven’t yet? Is it demon hormone bullshit, making him read into everything? Unclear.

It’s all going so good, until it isn’t, suddenly.

One lunch, two months into being there, Kevin pulls a huge and impressive old book from his backpack. “Look what I goooot,” he sing songs, waving it in Betelgeuse’s face, and he sneezes in response. “Smells old.” Emily and Lydia would love it. “It is. It’s very old,” Kevin confirms, and he moves so he’s sitting next to Betelgeuse, shoulder to shoulder, both their backs to the shade tree. “It’s about demons.”

Betelgeuse loses interest immediately, and focuses on not going pink at their shoulders touching, instead. “Z’at so?” he grunts. Kevin doesn’t seem to pick up on his moodiness, though. “It talks about all these ancient beings,” he explains, flipping pages. “Their summoning circles, their aspects,” he gives Betelgeuse a nudge at that, “all the things they can do for you, and the boons they grant.” He feels uncomfortable. “What’s with this? You obsessed with me, or somethin’?” He tries to play it as a joke, but that glint in Kevin’s eyes is back, and he doesn’t like it. “Of course, who wouldn’t be obsessed if they learned all this shit is actually true? It’s like there’s a whole secret world behind a locked door, and I’ve got the key.” Kevin looks back up at him.

He gets the feeling he’s the key. It’s not a good feeling.

“Where’d you even get this fuckin’ thing?” he lifts a finger, and the book slams closed in Kevin’s lap. His friend huffs. “Internet, of course.” “No, I mean… why were you lookin’ for somethin’ like this?” “I want to learn more. Don’t you?” Kev presses, and reopens the book. “I mean, what if there’s something amazing you can do, and you just don’t know, cause you’re not bothering to try?”

“So I’ll never know, so what?” Betelgeuse feels like this is a losing argument, but he tries anyways. “What’s so great about bein’ weird? You’re lucky you’re human.” “Dude, don’t even start with that. You can fly.” “So can humans,” he points out. “Wh- A plane and fucking levitating for fun are not the same, and you know it, BeetleJerk.” Kevin honestly can’t understand why he’s not excited over this. “I just mean… I’d rather be human, than this.” He blinks at his own words, because he’s never expressed that out loud before, ever. But it doesn’t feel untrue. “You’re out of your mind, more so than usual. Every human alive wants to feel special, and do the stuff you can do. Why are you acting like it’s so miserable all of a sudden? You use your powers all the time, I’ve seen you literally teleport five feet because you’re too lazy to walk.”

“You don’t get it.” He’s feeling sullen now, and he wiggles a little away from Kevin, and crosses his arms. “BJ, come on-” Betelgeuse teleports away to under the bleachers, and he eats his lunch there, until the bell rings.

He’s waiting for Emily after school, not feeling particularly friendly, when Kevin approaches. They stand there awkwardly. It feels tense, and weird, and he waits to see what the breather does. “Don’t be mad,” Kevin says, finally. “M’not mad.” “You sound mad.” “You know what mad on me looks like,” he finally turns to look at his friend, amber eyes burning with irritation. “First hand.”

Kevin looks down, and kicks at a rock that might not actually be there. “I thought you’d be excited. BJ, come on, I don’t wanna.. Not be friends over this.”

Betelgeuse signs, and scratches at the scruff on his chin. “It’s not like that,” he relents after a moment. “I just, I don’t care about that stuff. An’ I don’t wanna sit around, focusin’ on it. I don’t exactly like feelin’ different. Yeah, I do tricks an’ use my magic an’ stuff, but it’s hard to control. I lose my temper once an’ I could seriously destroy somethin’, or hurt my family. It doesn’t exactly feel good, knowin’ that. No one else my age can stand me, cause they can tell I’m weird. Before you, it was fuckin’ lonely, Kev.”

He feels a familiar pressure, because Kevin has taken his hand, and the human gives it a squeeze. He accepts it, melting a little against the other boy. “Still friends?” Kevin asks, and Betelgeuse purrs in response, resting his head on Kevin’s shoulder.

It’s not till later, at home, that he realizes Kevin never actually apologized.

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It’s like that, for a while. He knows Kevin still has the book. He knows he’s reading it, and sometimes Kevin will bring up demon stuff, but Betelgeuse has almost exactly a minute and a half of patience for answering questions or hearing about it. Still, Kev doesn’t stop. He might feel angrier if the breather wasn’t so god damn cute.

The air is starting to go cold, and leaves are beginning to fall. October is settling in, getting comfortable, and mom’s starting to break out the Halloween décor. It’s the middle of a kind of gloomy, Autumn day, when things get weird.

Kevin has the book open, much to Betelgeuse’s annoyance, and he’s blabbing away about a demon that supposedly grants wealth- “Do you think you could do that?” -when Betelgeuse looks down at the book, and sees Juno looking back at him. It’s not really her, it’s an illustration, but he’d recognize the bitch anywhere. She’s ink, glaring up from the page, those same age lines etched into her face, confirming his private theory that she’d been an old hag even when she was young. The slit neck is prominent, and as he stares, he sees smoke billow out of it. Oh, fuck no.

He grabs the book and slams it shut, startling Kevin, and then he teleports it directly under them, a mile down in the rock of the earth. Kev blinks for a moment, confused, before looking at his friend. “Wh.. Dude, WHAT?”

“Possessed book,” he croaks out, feeling tense, because he can smell cigarette smoke. “And you’re afraid of it? Why? You are also a literal fucking demon!” “That’s why I’m not messin’ with it!” Betelgeuse stands up, uneasy. The ground around the tree feels weird, now. He doesn’t like it here anymore. “Cause I actually understand why it’s a bad fuckin’ idea! God, you should have instincts that tell you not to mess with this stuff! You’re deficient, Kev, seriously.”

“Me deficient? Seriously?” Kev snaps, which hurts in a new, unexpected way. “Whatever, asshole. Give me my book back.” Kevin stands up, too, but he’s not uneasy, he’s angry.

“It’s better off where it is.”

“Which is where?”

Betelgeuse glances down. The grass around the tree is starting to wither. Kevin follows his gaze, but doesn’t seem to notice the dying vegetation. “You buried it? Come on!”

“Leave it, Kev.”

“This isn’t just your cool secret, anymore, it’s mine too!” Kevin glares at him. “You can’t keep me out of it, BJ. That’s not fair. God, at this point, I know more than you! You should be listening to me!”

He feels his volatile temper flare.

“Ex-fuckin’-scuze me?”

He waits for Kevin to take it back. Instead, his friend doubles down. “Demons have to listen to humans,” Kevin crosses his arms. “If they’re summoned. It’s in the book.” “Nobody summoned me,” Betelgeuse snarls, letting his real snake eyes show, an intimidation tactic that works for about half a second. Kevin’s too used to him, at this point. “I’m up here on a deal.” “Bet I could do it. I bet I could summon you. Then you’d have to listen to me.” “Yeah? Well, good luck without your stupid book!” He storms off, leaving Kevin standing there.

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The rest of the day sucks. He’s moody all day, annoyed in the car, grumpy in his room. He cranks metal and wishes he’d learned to play a guitar instead of his rinky, happy sounding ukulele. The instrument isn’t going to produce the noise he wants to express himself, right now. He throws it across the room, into a wall, where it smashes, and reforms a minute later, because… it’s still his favorite, after all. Even if it’s no good for expressing his teenage angst.

He can hear shuffling, and talking, outside his room, though he can’t make out what’s being said over the music. After a moment, though, there’s a knock at his door. “Hey, Bug?” Emily calls. “Can you come give me a hand with something?” He wants to tell her to piss off, go away, to leave him the hell alone, but.. It’s Emily. The CD player lets out a strangled choke and suddenly stops, and the door swings open, all without him moving from his flopped position on the bed. “Sup, ma?” he grunts. Emily peaks her head into the room, and smiles when she sees him, the expression radiating warmth and adoration and.. Oh, God/Satan, bless his sunbeam of a mother. “Just wondering if you’re free to do a little decorating?” She reaches behind her and grabs a fake severed bloody limb from the box he assumes she’s dragged into the hallway from the attic. “Don’t you worry it takes away from the “wow factor” to do Halloween twice a year?” He asks, standing and stretching, before apparating in the hallway behind her, and giving the decor box a nudge with his boot. “What? No way, there’s never enough Halloween!” Emily grins. “Get that, please.” The box floats along behind him as they head downstairs. They pause in the entryway, as Emily thinks out loud. “So, maybe the kitchen should be-” “Functional as a kitchen, please,” Charles calls from the living room. Emily rolls her eyes. “Okay, fine! Spoilsport! We’ll focus on the entryway for now,” she decides. “You wanna put up cobwebs in the rafters?” She gets on tiptoes to reach into the floating box, and he lowers it a bit for her, as she grabs the fake webbing. “I could just instantly decorate the whole room,” He takes to floating next to the box. “Could make sure it’s all normal human stuff, too,” He adds, before she can respond. “I know you can… But I like decorating,” Emily says brightly. “It’s not about getting it done quickly. It’s about, you know, doing it together.” “So why are dad and Lydia slacking?” Her smile doesn’t falter, but becomes softer. “It kinda felt like you needed some mom time, today,” She says simply. God, she can read him easier than Kev can read his stupid book. “We got in a fight,” he admits. She hums at that, because he only has one friend. It’s not hard to guess who he could possibly mean. “I’m sorry, Bug. What over?” He hesitates. So far he’s not let any of his family in on this book business. He’s been sort of hoping it could just go away on it’s own, and not be a thing. Kevin’s made it into a thing, though, and not telling even his mom feels… bad.

“He’s really into demons. Like, really, really into em,” He rasps, floating up and beginning to put up the spiderwebs, as his mother takes down the usual, sort of spooky wall hangings and trades them for her very intentionally spooky Halloween ones. “He’s got this book, an’ it’s all about demons an’ like, how to summon them, an’ their powers, an’ stuff… Sometimes th’ way he talks, it’s like.. Are we friends cause we’re friends, or friends cause you think I’m gonna be... useful?”

Maybe that doesn't make any sense, but that’s how it’s been feeling, like there’s an invisible shoe hanging midair, and it’s about to drop. His mother waits until he’s finished before looking up at him. “And you fought over that?” She prods. “Not exactly.” How the fuck can she even tell that, though? Damn her mom powers. He really, really didn’t want to talk about this, not to her, but… “I saw Juno. In th’ book,'' He lowers back down to the floor, and digs through the box, pulling out fake body parts. Back up he goes, to stick these in the fake webbing. “It was just a drawing of her, but it started like.. Billowing smoke-”

“From the neck,” His mother remembers, suppressing a shudder.

“Yeah. I could smell the smoke. So I got rid of the book, buried it in th’ school yard, but Kev got all pissy about it. He thinks he’s an expert on this shit, an’ he’s gonna mess with somethin’ big if he keeps this up.” “I’m sure you’ve told him that.” “He doesn’t listen. He gets this look in his eye, like it’s a game, or like… I dunno. Feels sometimes like he thinks he’s…” He searches for the words. “Like he thinks he oughta be the boss a’me, or somethin’.”

He rubs absentmindedly at the moss on his nose. It clings, stubborn as ever, same with the patches by his hairline, and he’s found it’s easier to just add another little layer to his glamour than try to do anything about it.

Maybe that’s indicative of a bigger problem. It’s easier to do a bit of magic and make everything look better than to actually fix the underlying problem. Ugh, introspection, how absolutely miserable. He wants to keep thoughts like that locked away tight, but they have a habit of slipping past his mental defenses and making him feel worse. Absolutely no one can make him feel shittier than he himself can. He sinks to the ground, going purple, and he’s instantly wrapped in his mother’s arms. “It’s okay, Beetlejuice,” Emily has both her hands on the back of his head, and he pushes his face into the crook of her neck. “I just.. I’ve only got the one friend,” he groans. “I don’t wanna stop bein’ his friend, but.. Fuck, ma.”

“I know.” Her voice is a soothing balm. She works her hands through the mess of purple hair at the back of his head. “I know, sweetheart. I know it’s lonely at school, but school isn’t forever,” she tries to assure him. “If your friend is treating you this way, well.. He’s not a very good friend. Do you want to be around someone who makes you feel this bad? Does it feel worth it, to you?”

He knows the correct answer is, “No,” but he’s not sure if his self esteem is high enough for that.

“I like him a lot,” He grumbles, and she hums again. “He’s handsome,” She says, and then pulls back far enough to pinch his nose. “But not as handsome as my son, of course,” and it’s silly enough to help knock away his mood, so that’s something, at least. “What should I do?” He doesn’t pull away from her, just soaks up the mom energy for as long as he can. “I think you need to have a talk,” Emily tells him. “Lay out how you’re feeling. Try to get his side of things, and make sure he hears your side, too. Then, at least you both tried, you know?”

It’s such a mom type answer. He groans again.

“I was worried you’d say some shit like that.” She fuzzes his hair, and he feels the tingle in his scalp that means it’s changed colors. Back to green, he assumes. “You know your moss changes color along with your hair? And your creepo-stache?” “Leave the stache alone, it’s tryin’ it’s best,” He pretends to be defensive.

“It makes you look like the founder of a forum for people who marry their cars,” Lydia offers, from the bottom step of the staircase, where she has apparently been just chilling and listening.

“Wh-! Mom, it’s not that bad, right?” Emily tilts her head to the side and gives what can only be described as a condescending smile. “Oh, you’re both in for it now.” He brings the various decor items to life to terrorize them, and then Charles joins his side, sympathizing with his son vis-à-vis bad teenage facial hair, and by the time the whole squabble is over, hardly any decorating has gotten done… But he does feel better. His family’s good like that.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Monday rolls around, same as it always does, but there’s a weird feeling in the air. Halloween is a week away, barely missing getting a weekend date, but there’s some big Halloween bash the school is apparently throwing. There’s fliers for it everywhere, plastered all over lockers and bulletin boards. He’s not much of a participator, though, and his reaction to his locker being plastered over with invites to a party he doesn't care about is to snap his fingers. All the fliers on all the lockers up and down the hall, all instantly fall loose at once, littering the floor. A few students jump back, but no one looks his way, because why would they?

He’s grabbing his history textbook when he feels a tap on the shoulder, and when he turns, it’s a girl he recognizes, but her name is absolutely lost on him.

“You’re BJ, right?” Miffy askes, and he nods. “Yeah, s’right,” and Margo seems to wince at how gruff his voice is, before continuing. “Um, you and that guy Kevin, you’re like…” Milicent trails off, waiting for him to finish her thought, but sorry, baby, he can barely finish his own. “Like…?” He says, with his gravel voice copying her tone and inflection, and she huffs. “Together?” Marge asks, “Like, all of the time?”

He cocks his head, and squints at her, hands t-rexing at his sides, as Lydia likes to say.\

“Usually,” He concedes, and he gets the feeling he’s dragging this out much, much more than Mango clearly wants, because he spies a group of girls a little ways off, waiting for her. One of them is staring intently, more focused on him, but he pushes that thought aside.

“Look, okay, he’s gonna be out for a few days, and I’m just trying to see if you can take him his homework,” McGrubber has grown tired of having to stand here, talking to the chubby goth loser, apparently. “I’m a student aid in the office and they’re trying to make me do it, but I have track practice!” Thaaaat’s where he knows her from. She looks different, not bouncing and sweating and also not half a football field away. “Sure, fine, I’ll make sure Kev gets his work. Wouldn’t want you to miss out on running in a fuckin’ circle, Maria.” Her face sours. “It’s Blair.” So close. “Who fuckin’ cares,” He replies, and turns back to his locker. He can hear her rejoin her friend group, all of them fawning over her harrowing experience of having to speak to him in public. The last thing he hears from Blair is, “He’s just so goddamn weird,” and then the group rounds the corner.

He closes his locker harder than he maybe needs to.

Kevin isn’t in class that day, or the next, or even the one after. The shade tree has withered and died completely, it’s color sapped and gone, and even walking near it makes him feel uneasy. His new lonely lunch spot is under the bleachers, which feels even more voyeuristic of a spot to watch the track team, but even that activity feels tainted, somehow. He’s back to being lonely.

He can’t stand being lonely.

It gets so bad he contemplates sitting, wait for it, on the bleachers, and maybe even trying to strike up a conversation, but he’s too chicken shit. He’s been going to school with these kids for the past three years, and no one’s wanted to talk to him or chat with him in all that time. He can’t imagine that’s about to change.

Still, on Thursday, miserable and lonely, he gives it a try.

Sitting up here sucks. It’s just a hard metal seat on a gloomy day, and when he’d ventured up and sat down, other people had slowly moved away from him, until he was sitting by himself, all the breathers huddled in a different area, away from him. He'd tried talking, but hardly had a "Hey, how ya doin'?" grated out before the migration began.

Figures.

He finishes eating and lies on his back, resting his hands on his chest, eyes closed, and after a while he feels someone standing over him, and something laid over his hands. He opens his eyes. There’s the most beautiful girl staring down at him. She’s got long, bleach blonde hair, darker at the roots, which is hanging down in a halo around her face, and the biggest, clearest blue eyes he’s ever seen. He glances down, to see she’s placed a daisy over his hand. He looks back up at her, amber eyes questioning.

“You looked so still,” She smiles. Her voice is like music. He thinks he can hear harps. “With your hands folded like that. Kind of like an open casket.” He’d been forgetting to breathe, apparently, which happens sometimes. She thought he looked like a corpse, and she placed a flower over him.

“Sorry, if that’s weird. You’re.. BJ?” She asks, and he picks up the daisy, sits up, and nods. “Yeah, you’re…” “Barbara,” she fills him in. “You’re not so good with names.” “Mmm. Buffy tell you that?” He recognizes her now, from that group of girls. Barbara sits next to him, which makes zero sense. “It’s Blair,” she corrects him gently, but not without a giggle in her voice. “Oh, right.” Her name could be fuckin’ Moonpie and it’d make the same amount of difference to him, but he’d agree with anything Barbara said, if it meant she kept sitting there, talking to him. “Are you going to the Halloween party?” She asks. “Supposed to be pretty killer. It kind of seems like your scene.” “I’m not exactly a social butterfly,” which is the understatement of the god damn century, honestly, but she laughs and nudges her shoulder with his. “Well, I think you should come. I bet you’d have the coolest costume. Maybe think about it?”

“I guess, maybe..” He says lamely, because his brain is short circuiting from that small touch.

“Barb, come on!” someone calls to her from a ways away, on the track. Lunch is nearly over. She stands, and smooths down the long skirt she’s wearing, which is modest but flattering. “Later, BJ,” she smiles, and just like that, she’s gone, like an angel going back up to heaven in a beam of light, off to rejoin her friends. He can hear what she says to them, though. “You guys are mean, he’s not so bad. Just shy.”

He keeps the daisy in a little glass of water on his dresser, and strums love songs on his ukulele.

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Thinking about Barbara and her smile and the way she nudged him is a fun distraction, at least for a little while, but when it’s Saturday, and he still hasn’t heard from Kevin, he decides it’s time to demon up and see what the fuck is happening with him. He’s been just teleporting Kev’s homework inside his room, and he’s sure it’s falling into a pile on the floor each time and startling him, but no one ever said how he had to deliver it. Today though, emboldened by the pretty girl on the bleachers, he appears at Kevin’s front door instead, holding Friday’s work, and he knocks. It takes a moment, but Mr. Loh answers.

Betelgeuse hasn’t had much chance to interact with Kev’s dad. He looks like a normal, tired dad, wholly unimpressive, and kinda short. Chuck could wrestle this guy to the mat, no problem.

“Oh, BJ,” Mr. Loh says, and then glances at what’s in his hands. “Kevin’s homework? Thank you. He’s holed up in his room… won’t come out.. Maybe,” and he suddenly looks hopeful. “You two are friends. Maybe you can try talking to him?”

Well, that’s what he was there to do anyways, so sure. “I gotcha, Mr. L,” he nods, stepping inside, and heading up the stairs and down the hall to Kevin’s room. The closer he gets to the door, though, the weirder he feels. Something stinks, figuratively and literally. It smells like… It smells like the waiting room. It’s that same, veil is thin type air that he can smell on Halloween night, but how the fuck is he smelling it here? He bangs on Kevin’s door. “Hey, Kev, it’s the B-Man,” he calls, trying to keep his tone playful, but he feels like he’s doing a poor job. What the hell is going on? “Come on, man, open up!” He tries again, when he receives no response. He thinks he can hear a shuffle behind the door. “Dude, I will bust this fuckin’ door down,” He growls, all the play gone from his tone. “You know I will. Better yet-”

He appears inside the bedroom, just in time for Kevin to slam shut the closet door. Kevin turns to look at him, back pressed to the wood. There’s a beat, both teens staring at each other, wide eyed, Betelgeuse in that weird way he does, and Kevin looking frazzled. “What,” the demon grates out, “the fuck, are you getting up to in here? It smells like the netherworld, Kev.” Unfortunately, that makes Kevin’s face light up. “It does? Oh my god, that’s perfect! It must be starting to work!” He crosses the bedroom, going to his desk, where an old book is sitting open. It’s not the same one he took from his friend, it can’t be, that book is still a mile down in presumably solid rock. “Another musty ass tome, great,” he growls, but Kevin ignores him, flipping through the book.

He hates feeling ignored.

A black and white striped arm sprouts from Kevin’s desk, and slams the book shut, which makes the breather turn and glare at him. “Get out of my room, BJ,” is all Kevin says, and Betelgeuse ignores that, instead crossing the floor to get a look at that book. “Where th’ hell do you keep finding these fuckin’ things?”

“This one I bought from a one armed man living out of a 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88 Royale,” Kevin recites. Betelgeuse squints at him, top teeth over bottom lip. “You’re too gay to know what that means,” he says, plainly, and Kevin shrugs. “He wouldn’t stop talking about his stupid car. I now know more about that antique than I know about geography.” It feels fun, for a second, like this drama isn’t happening, and they’re just having a conversation. It doesn’t last, though. He can’t let Kev off the hook.

“So you bought a second cursed book, this time from some amputee homeless guy, and you’re just, doing the rituals inside of it? And this seems like a super good idea to you?”

“I’m practicing,” Kevin replies.

“So what’s in the closet, Kevin?”

“Get out of my room, Betelgeuse.”

The way Kevin says his name is weird. It doesn’t feel like how it normally feels when a breather says the full thing. He shakes it off, and gives his friend a defiant look, before waving a hand and throwing open the closet door. There’s a cleared spot, in the middle of the closet floor, and a fucking summoning circle in what smells like, “Pig’s blood? Couldn’t get human?” He turns to look at Kevin, who is glaring at him intently. He matches the look.

“Betelgeuse Shoggoth, get out of my room.”

That gets his attention. It feels like an invisible hand is pushing him, and he stumbles back out of the room, confused. “W-what?” Kevin is just standing there, staring at him, and Betelgeuse stares back, eyes wild. “You motherfucker,” he hisses, eyes in snake slits, teeth sharp, claws extended. “You wanna do that “real name” bullshit with me? That the choice you’re makin’ here, Kev?”

Kevin doesn’t even look phased. “I’m working on gaining a bit more control, but looks like that works, for now.”

“You’re cracked!” Betelgeuse growls, absolutely furious. “You’re really tryin’ to summon me? Are you out of your head!?”

“You’re wasting your powers,” Kevin storms forward. “You’re a supernatural being, and you go to school and play your stupid ukulele, and don’t even try to do anything bigger. You could be stepping on everyone under you,” his former friend is going red in the face. “You could be leading, you could be ruling, but you just jerk off in your room and play pretend at being human. But someone might as well profit, here. Why not me?”

“I thought.. I thought we were friends,” is all the demon can say, lamely, and Kevin’s smile is the meanest thing he’s ever seen on a breather. “Once you’re fully listening to me, we can be friends again. Betelgeuse Shoggoth, get out of my house.”

He feels that same invisible pull, and he thinks maybe if he was stronger he could resist it, but a demon’s true name is like a lead on a dog, meant to control them, and unfortunately, Kevin has a tight hand on his leash. He makes it to the front door, and stumbles out, covering his face until he can calm himself enough to reapply his glamour.

Shit, he thinks, straightening up, and staring up at Kevin’s bedroom window. He is so fucked. ``````````````````````````````````````````````` Posted this chapter and another over at Ao3. You can read it right here

#beetlejuice fanfiction #beetlejuice broadway #lydia deetz #emily deetz #beetlejuice fic #beetlejuice the musical

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Transcript Lingthusiasm Episode 55: R and R-like sounds - Rhoticity

This is a transcript for Lingthusiasm Episode 55: R and R-like sounds - Rhoticity. It’s been lightly edited for readability. Listen to the episode here or wherever you get your podcasts. Links to studies mentioned and further reading can be found on the Episode 55 show notes page.

[Music]

Lauren: Welcome to Lingthusiasm, a podcast that’s enthusiastic about linguistics! I’m Lauren Gawne.

Gretchen: I’m Gretchen McCulloch. Today we’re getting enthusiastic about R and R-like sounds, also known as “rhoticity.” But first, we have a liveshow! It’s happening in a very few days, late April 2021 if you’re listening to this from the future. You can get access to it by becoming a patron or, if you are already a patron, you will have access to it already. We will send you a link to the livestream video when it goes up.

Lauren: If you’ve missed the livestream, you can catch it as a bonus Lingthusiasm episode, along with 49 other bonuses, including our most recent one on speaking to kids and pets.

[Music]

Gretchen: It was really good that it was my turn to say what this episode was about because if you said the topic “R and R-like sounds,” Lauren, I feel like you might say it a little bit differently.

Lauren: I don’t know what’s wrong with talking about “/a/-like” sounds.

Gretchen: “/a/-like sounds” is a vowel.

Lauren: That is definitely convenient that you were the person to introduce this topic because rhoticity and this R-ness is something I can do, and I can definitely do it at the start of words like “red” or “rice,” but it’s a sound that is missing from the ends of words for me. So, it definitely is easier to hear exactly what we’re talking about with “/ɹoʊtɪsɪti/.” I can do it at the start, but when I’m talking about /aɹɹɹ/, I really have to work it to articulate that.

Gretchen: Welcome to International Talk Like a Pirate Day, Lauren, “Arrrrrrgh” is this whole episode.

Lauren: I get a bit over-enthusiastic with putting it in there for sure.

Gretchen: The nice thing is, is because this feature of English accents where some of them do pronounce the Rs after the vowels and some of them don’t is a feature of English accents that is one of the big accent splits that we have in English. We also don’t have to listen to me trying to do the bad impression of non-rhotic people saying, “/a/, /a/ and /a/-like sounds.”

Lauren: Our entire podcasting collaboration has really led up to this episode. This is entirely what our accent distribution was made for.

Gretchen: It was totally made for this. It’s a really salient feature across English accents that some of them do have this R after a vowel – “post-vocalic R” – and some of them don’t. In English, that’s what gets called “rhoticity.” Is this accent rhotic like mine or is it non-rhotic like yours?

Lauren: The class of R-like sounds is something we’ll be talking about all episode because it’s a bit of a grab bag both within English and across languages more broadly.

Gretchen: What exactly we mean by an R-like sound is one of those nebulous, squishy categories that it seems like it makes sense and then you look at it too hard and then it stops making sense and then you realise that you can drift your mind into soft focus and have it make sense again. One of the things that I enjoyed learning about English accents is how is it that in Canada we have this R and down in Australia you don’t have it. Where does that come from?

Lauren: It’s a really nice example of how migration creates these little accent time capsules. The R sound is something that’s very easy to lose from the ends of words. Across languages this happens. It’s a very easy target for something to get lost. It was far more common in England four centuries ago when a lot of people migrated. The areas that people migrated from in England and the British Isles and the United Kingdom, more generally, people migrated to what is now the United States and Canada. They had more of this R at the end of words as a feature. Then a couple of centuries later, when the colonists arrived in Australia from the United Kingdom, that feature was far less common there. You don’t find it in Australian or New Zealand accents, but you do find it in those North American accents more predominantly. Not always – but as a general feature. You have this really nice time capsule just because the migrants came a couple of centuries earlier to the US than they did to Australia.

Gretchen: It’s a neat – I mean, there are, obviously, historical records of when all this migration was happening, but it’s comforting to know that if we didn’t have those historical records, we would be able to reconstruct them from the accents.

Lauren: Yeah. Or if we didn’t have those records and, for some reason, the lack of R was also really common in North America, we have the written record in English to show us that there is an R at the end of words like “car” that there isn’t in some other words. As someone who doesn’t have this feature, sometimes, if I’m trying to put on a North American accent, I over apply it to words where there isn’t an R in writing as well. I recently tried to say the word, “tuna,” the fish, with an American accent and over compensated and went with “tunar,” which is absolutely not correct and also a terrible accent.

Gretchen: Also, that’s a piano tuner or something.

Lauren: Oh, yeah, a “tuner” that you tune a piano with – it sounds exactly the same for me, but it’s a completely different spelling and a completely different word.

Gretchen: Well, and the interesting thing is, I do have Rs in my accent, but I’m also very accustomed to hearing non-rhotic accents because I think I’ve listened to more Australian English in the last, say, five years or so because, you know, we talk to each other quite a lot doing this podcast. I visited Australia. But even before that, I’d consume plenty of British media and stuff like that, which a lot of the British accents are non-rhotic, but some of them are still rhotic, especially in the North and in Scotland and so on. I consumed a lot of non-rhotic accents, so I’m using to hearing it. In many cases, if you’re used to hearing those accents, you don’t even necessarily notice it as, “Oh, there aren’t Rs here,” you notice it, “This just sounds like it’s from wherever.” But sometimes when I’m hearing a non-rhotic speaker, I over apply, and I insert, mentally, Rs in what they’re trying to say even when they aren’t trying to say an R because I’m so used to reconstructing that R in my head.

Lauren: Amazing. You just hallucinate sound is basically what’s happening.

Gretchen: Yeah! A non-rhotic friend of mine was recently talking about lava, like the thing that comes out from the earth in a volcano, but saying, “There’s a lot of lava here.” I misheard her as saying, “larva.”

Lauren: As in bug babies?

Gretchen: Yes, as in bug babies, which is a very different mental image from molten rock.

Lauren: Especially if you think of them spewing out of the earth like a volcano. That’s actually terrifying.

Gretchen: It’s kind of horrific. But yeah, sometimes it happens on both the production and the perception side. Sometimes you can hear an R that isn’t there or hear a ghost of an R that wasn’t there, or you can end up producing it when you weren’t trying to.

Lauren: I think it is really interesting that, obviously, I consume a lot of Australian media. You hear a lot of Canadian voices. The two big producers of culture for that anglosphere, English speakers, is that Southern England English and the North American English. One in England is traditionally marked with not having R at the end of words pronounced, and American English does have that R. It’s very rhotic. We’re exposed to both types very commonly, which is why I think it’s hard to hear or remember that you’re hearing it.

Gretchen: I think it’s interesting to think about this in terms of the prestige varieties in both of these places because there are American accents that are non-rhotic. In the American South, a lot of the accents don’t have that R at the end of the syllable. There are British accents that are rhotic, especially in the north. The prestigious accent that you find on media and television, unless a character is being stereotyped as having an accent, the unmarked accent that you see on both of these is different with respect to that R. This was something that was one of those early revelations that I had as a budding linguist of like, hey, here’s this R. In one country it’s having the R that’s prestigious and it’s not having the R that’s looked down on. Then in the other country, it’s not having the R that’s prestigious and it’s having the R that’s more stigmatised. Clearly, it’s not R’s fault here. R is just a consonant just trying to live its life.

Lauren: Just a hapless victim.

Gretchen: A hapless victim of our human prejudices. There’s not some sort of objective right or wrong answer of, “Is R good or is R bad?” Other things that are associated with particular accents are also neutral variables, but some of them are widely disparaged all over and some of them are widely prestigious all over. This one is interesting, in the case of R, because it has this local difference on whether it’s prestigious or not prestigious.

Lauren: It’s made it a really attractive topic of study for linguists who are interested in the social values that we apply to different accents. One thing I find particularly interesting in the American context where this has been studied quite a lot is that it’s not just a matter of whether you have a rhotic accent or not. There are lots of people who can produce the rhotic accent and do include that R at the end of words or might not depending on the social context and how fancy they want to sound. Which means that we get to talk about probably one of the most famous studies in English sociolinguistics.

Gretchen: Yes. There is this very classic study by Bill Labov who is an American sociolinguist. He went to three different levels of department stores – one that was very fancy, one that was mid-level, and one that was like a bargain basement store. You really get a feeling for the vintage department store vibe. He found the location of something – I think the women’s shoe section is what he says in the paper – that was already on the fourth floor. He would find it on the map, and then he would go up to sales keepers and say, “Hey, can you tell me where to find the women’s shoes?”, and they would say, “fourth floor.” And he would say, “Pardon me?”

Lauren: Or they would say, /fɑ:ð flɑː/.

Gretchen: Yes, /fæːð flæ:/, in my bad imitation of a New York accent. He would say, “Pardon me?”, and then they would say it again, more distinctly. Then he would go around the corner, whip out his notebook, and write down whether or not they said the R in both the first one – the natural one – and then the careful-er, more enunciated one afterwards.

Lauren: You could more or less map the fancier the department store, the more likely the salesperson was to use the rhotic R. If you asked someone to repeat something, it then becomes careful speech, where they’re trying to be as articulate as possible, for whatever that means, and they’re more likely to include an R in that context as well. You see all these factors really elegantly. I think this study is attractive because it’s so elegant in how it was set up that people are more likely to use an R to sound fancy in New York in this context. It’s been replicated over decades. People have moved more towards R, and it’s become the concrete standard of pronunciation.

Gretchen: Also, I think it’s just such a fun mental image of some guy with a notebook wandering around from department store to department store. When we were doing Crash Course Linguistics, one of the thought bubbles, which are little animated bits, we actually suggested, and they took our suggestion, that they do a little animated Labov wandering from department store to department store. That’s a really cute animation that you can now watch.

Lauren: It also means that the concept of the fourth floor has become a bit of a linguist in-joke. I am so pleased to say that my office at work is on the fourth floor.

Gretchen: I went to a Linguistic Society of America conference a number of years ago in which all of the conference rooms at the hotel where on the fourth floor. You could just hear all the linguists taking delight in saying to each other, “Which way to the conference?”, “Go to the FOURTH FLOOR.”

Lauren: You could not have planned that better.

Gretchen: It’s also a bit of a meme in linguistics that stuff happens on the fourth floor. It’s a fairly salient thing about English accents that they do different things with Rs. There’s also downstream effects of what happens when your accent only sometimes has this R.

Lauren: Yes. Even though I say that I don’t have an R at the end of words, if you were to actually monitor my speech very carefully and do all the fancy phonetician sound analysis things or even just use your ears, I have R popping up at the end of words all the time in the context known as “linking” or “obtrusive R,” which is where you get a word that should have an R at the end, and then you have another word that begins with a vowel.

Gretchen: Because your Rs are only dropped when they’re at the end of a syllable, when they’re after a vowel, if there’s another vowel following, they can become the host for that R, then you don’t need to drop it anymore.

Lauren: If I said something like, “ca-r and /dɹɑɪvə/,” or “pasta-r and sauce” – it can even go in where there wouldn’t be an R. I guess if I said something like, “tuna-r and rice.”

Gretchen: There’s a bit of an R there, whereas I have “tuna and rice” and there’s nothing R-like there because, for me, “tuna” and “tuner” – “tuner” and “player” or something like that – those are totally different.

Lauren: It’s a way for my accent to mark the boundary between words in a way that works even though I can’t say an R at the end of a word without trying very hard.

Gretchen: Very “harrrrd.”

Lauren: In English. I should say R at the end of words is a feature of Nepali, and I can do that fine. I don’t think about it in Nepali, and I don’t think about it in English, but I have to put an R there. I have to work so hard in English.

Gretchen: So “harrrrd.”

Lauren: So “harrrrd.”

Gretchen: It’s something that stands out more strongly if you’re a non-rhotic speaker because, to me, I’m always paying attention to that R when it’s after a vowel. Having it show up in “pasta-r and sauce” or “tuna-r and rice,” that’s very salient to me as opposed to just being a thing you could stick between stuff. There’s also, sometimes, this R or lack of R shows up in certain stereotyped pronunciations of things. I’m thinking, you know that song in The Sound of Music where you’re learning the names of the notes – do re mi fa so la ti do – and they have this bit that’s like, “Fa – a long, long way to run”?

Lauren: Yeah, because it’s “/fɑ:/ – a long, long way to run.” You’re running /fɑ:/.

Gretchen: No, you’re running “far.”

Lauren: Hang on, yeah, because “far” in that song is F-A.

Gretchen: It’s F-A.

Lauren: I guess it’s a homophone, but it’s not a homograph. They’re not written the same. It’s a homophone for me but not for you.

Gretchen: It’s a homophone for, clearly, the writers of this song. As a child I was like, “What word are they trying to get me to say?” Because something like “ti – a drink with jam and bread,” that’s fine. I don’t write those the same, but I still pronounce it /ti/.

Lauren: Also, not spelled the same, yes.

Gretchen: I still pronounce it “/ti/”, we’re okay with one that. But “Fa – a long, long way to run,” I had to stop and think and be like, “What word are they trying to get at here?”

Lauren: One of those classic scenarios of a bunch of supposed German speakers in German singing a song that only – the whole song actually falls apart because they’re English homophones –

Gretchen: None of these are German words. They’re in Austria. Why are they singing all these English rhymes? It’s like you find the ancient inscription in the cave, and somehow you translate this poem into English, and it rhymes perfectly in English, and you’re like, “This was written in Sumerian. Like, what?”

Lauren: This is why we’re super fun to watch films with.

Gretchen: It’s like, “How does this song work in English? They’re speaking German!”

Lauren: This reminds me of another thing I have confounded you with in non-rhotic English, which is that because I don’t pronounce the R, I can use A-R-G-H to represent an excited exclamation of like, “AH!”

Gretchen: Oh, no.

Lauren: I have, on occasion, used this at Gretchen as a form of messaging enthusiasm. Gretchen has seen it as like I am –

Gretchen: Like, “ARGH I got ice cream!” It’s like, “Why are you upset about the ice cream? I thought ice cream was nice.”

Lauren: It turns out what we have completely different readings of this because, in my non-rhotic accent, it has way more of a general exclamatory-ness. What do you read “Argh” or “Arrr” as?

Gretchen: It’s an expression of frustration for me. Like, “Arrrgh, I don’t wanna do this,” or “Arrrgh, I got a flat tire,” or something. Not “Arrrgh, I got free ice cream.”

Lauren: I can use it in a much more broad range of contexts. Maybe this is just me. Maybe this is some idiosyncratic usage.

Gretchen: But like, A-H, “Ah!” I have a broader range of contexts for, but it is very distinct from “Argh.”

Lauren: I would have to say something like, “AH, I got ice cream,” A-H?

Gretchen: Yeah. This is fine.

Lauren: Okay.

Gretchen: I had this experience when I was reading, especially, British children’s fiction or British YA. The characters would say things like, “erm” and “er.” I was like, okay, fine, “Er, I don’t know where this is” or “Erm, I don’t know the answer.” I was like, “That’s just what they say in British. Sure. That’s fine.” How would you pronounce “erm” and “er”?

Lauren: They say /ə/ and /ə:m/. “Erm, let me think about that I, er, don’t know.” I do know. Exactly like that.

Gretchen: I didn’t realise until much, much later that this was just a rhotic description of the pronunciation that I would write “um” and “uh” – U-M and U-H.

Lauren: I guess this is one context where audiobooks read by someone who has the same general rhoticity as the original author would be very handy.

Gretchen: Yeah. Because I think, among me and at least some other nerds of my generation, sometimes I do write, “er,” when I’m in text because, to me, it has a slightly different meaning from “uh” because I encountered it in text.

Lauren: Amazing.

Gretchen: But the best one of you read something and it’s written for an accent that’s not your accent is – you know the donkey character in Winne the Pooh?

Lauren: Eeyore?

Gretchen: Yeah. As I would say, /ijoɹ/, because there’s an R in the writing there. I didn’t learn until I was well into my 20s that, of course, A. A. Milne was a non-rhotic speaker, and he would’ve pronounced that donkey /iɑ:/, like the sound a donkey makes.

Lauren: Mm-hmm.

Gretchen: This is a massive revelation for me, and you’re just like, “Yeah, I’ve known this my entire life.”

Lauren: Uh, yes, because donkeys have a non-rhotic accent. I thought that was obvious to everyone.

Gretchen: [Laughs] Donkeys don’t have Rs. A lot of these particular Rs that we’re talking about are specifically the R at the end of a syllable or the, what linguists call, “R-coloured vowels.” It’s a vowel and it’s an R smooshed together. This is how I would say the name of the letter R – it’s not /a: ɹ/ – it’s all one /aɹ/, all one thing. Or /ɹ̩/ like in “tuner” or “player” or “maker” or any of these words that end in /ɹ̩/.

Lauren: If you were writing it down in a specific phonetic notation, you wouldn’t have a vowel and then a distinct R there together.

Gretchen: Yeah. Sometimes, there’s a bit of gradience in terms of how you do that. If you think of something like, say I’m saying a single syllable that ends in an unambiguous consonant like /æt/, I have two different things going on in my mouth at the same time. I have the /a/ part and then immediately after that I have my mouth closing to make the T. But for R, or /ɹ̩/, my mouth is staying in the same position. I can just make the /ɹ̩/ – I can make the vowel and the R-ness of it at the same time without having to change my tongue position or anything about my mouth position. That’s what it means when a vowel can have R features on it at the same time or be R-coloured.

Lauren: That’s why we also hedge by talking about “R-like sounds” because it’s not that this is separately and by itself the sound /aɹ/ but that it has this influence over the vowel.

Gretchen: It’s got this influence over the vowel, especially when it’s written as coming after it. If you have something like “raw” or “ray,” “re-,” you do have “ra-”– you do have a movement from the R at the beginning to afterwards. That’s why it’s so easy to drop that R after a vowel because it’s already just a slightly different position for how you’re holding that vowel. R-coloured vowels are a thing that everyone taking intro English linguistics learns about because it’s a thing that we have in English – and I haven’t learned any other languages that have them. But you never know what that means about your language typology.

Lauren: Whether this is some super common phenomenon and you just happen to have not learnt a language with it or whether it’s just a weird North American thing.

Gretchen: Yeah, not even all of English. It turns out that R-coloured vowels are both very rare and very common depending on how you measure commonness.

Lauren: That’s because they also turn up in a couple of the more dominant varieties of Mandarin. This is one of those things that it was really nice to be able to put a name to, but I realised that I had been using this R-coloured-ness to help myself distinguish between whether I was likely overhearing Mandarin or spoken Cantonese because this R-colouring is really common – especially in really major dialects like Beijing and other Northern Chinese varieties of spoken Mandarin.

Gretchen: On the one hand, R-coloured vowels occur in less than 1% of the languages of the world, at least as we’re currently able to measure them.

Lauren: In terms of the speakers.

Gretchen: But they occur in two of the most widely spoken languages – right. North American English or certain varieties of English and certain varieties of Chinese, both of which have millions and millions of speakers.

Lauren: And are really common as the prestige types in media as well.

Gretchen: And are a really common second language. There are also R-coloured vowels in Quebec French where you have /ɹ̩/ a bit more – now that I’m thinking about it – is more a feature of Quebec French than in France French, and in some varieties of Brazilian Portuguese and, you know, a few other languages, a few Indigenous languages like Yurok in the US. There is a whole name for this phenomenon in Chinese because it’s common in Mandarin. It’s called, “érhuàyīn” [simplified Chinese: 儿化音; traditional Chinese: 兒化音]. It works differently to how rhotacisation works in English because it’s obligatory in certain contexts in English, whereas the way that it happens in Mandarin is – like other things, I don’t speak this, so I’m not exactly sure what the details are – but apparently, it’s used by speakers to notice people from different varieties.

Lauren: It’s so interesting that it was a feature I had been attracted to in Mandarin, and you had noticed without particularly noticing in Quebec French until we put together this episode and realised we were attending to the same phenomenon of R-colouring.

Gretchen: This gets us into this broader class of R-like sounds. Linguists talk about “rhotics,” but if you learned languages beyond English, really any language other than English, you’ve probably learned a different way to produce those particular R sounds because like, “Oh, this language has yet a different R.” It’s one of those interestingly nebulous bits of linguistics that people seem to share this very strong intuition that some sounds are R-like. And yet, when you’re trying to actually put your finger on, “Well, what makes them R-like?”, it becomes a way more complicated question.

Lauren: I guess one of the ones that is most immediately noticeable because it’s quite a fancy R is the /r/ in – I learnt to pronounce trilled R when I was learning Polish in a word like “pierogi.” It’s not as strong, but I could really emphasise it and talk about /piroʊgi/, which is definitely not how I would normally say that word, but you can hear that trilling of the R sound.

Gretchen: I encountered this R when I was trying to learn Spanish in high school. I got okay at Spanish, but I had a really hard time with this R. Because Spanish has two Rs. It has the tap R like in /pɛɾo/, meaning “but,” and then there’s this trilled R like in the word for “dog,” which is /pɛro/ – /pɛro/? Which I’m still not very good at. I can kind of make it now because there was a really helpful YouTube video that I watched a couple years ago after way too many years of trying and failing to produce this trilled R with the tip of your tongue. It turned out the thing about the trilled R is that you have to get a part of your mouth vibrating at such a fast speed that you don’t have conscious control over it. The way that you do that is you direct air in your mouth towards a place that’s just a little bit in front of where you actually want the vibration to happen. It’s like blowing into an instrument with a reed in it or blowing into a blade of grass between your fingers. You can direct that air and make this wavy – I think it’s the Bernoulli Reaction – happen in your mouth. That’s what’s making this sound that’s too fast for you to do it consciously. The mistake that I had been making was to direct the air actually at the tip of my tongue rather than directing it a little bit before so that the tongue can wave in the breeze like a little flag. I’m still not 100% on it, but I can sometimes do that [trilling sound] sometimes.

Lauren: It’s interesting that the R sound that the trill contrasts with is just a single tap. Instead of a repeated tapping motion, it’s just that single /pɛɾo/. One thing that is difficult about these R-like sounds that we’re talking about is that that’s more like something that we sometimes use for a D in English or a T in a word like /bʌɾə/ if we’re just saying it very rapidly. It is an R-thing in Spanish, but it’s not necessarily an R thing in English.

Gretchen: That’s what makes the category of rhotics or R-like sounds such a bizarre thing because basically it’s an R if people think it’s an R. There’s a lot of agreement within speakers about like, “Oh, yeah, this feels like an R to me, and this doesn’t feel like an R.” I really had to convince myself that the sound in “water” or “butter” or something was actually the same as in /pɛɾo/ because I was like, “But those feel like different sounds to me even though I can produce them both,” and I guess my tongue is doing the same thing. But one of them feels like an R.

Lauren: Whereas for the trill, you can replace an English R. You could say, “Let’s talk about /roʊtɪsɪti/” and that fits in as an R. [Gretchen laughs] I’m sorry to –

Gretchen: That’s great. No. Please. Let’s talk about – I’m just jealous that I can’t make it.

Lauren: Sorry to show off there. But you can see that in English, at least, that trilled R can substitute in for our usual R.

Gretchen: It sounds fancy, but it still sounds like an R. If I encounter a language, and I’m like, “Oh, it’s got this alveolar trilled R with the tip of the tongue,” I’m like, “Oh, yeah, totally normal R. Nothing to see here. Nothing surprising.” It’s found in Italian. It’s found in Spanish, Russian, Ukrainian, Dutch, Bulgarian, Swedish. There’s a whole bunch of languages that have this trilled R with the tip of the tongue. There are also a lot of languages that have the tap, which is just the single tap. Again, Spanish also has it. Japanese and Korean both have it. This is quite common in a lot of languages as well.

Lauren: I can do that trill at the alveolar, but I do struggle with the one that happens further back in the mouth that you find in French.

Gretchen: Oh, yay! That’s the one I can do.

Lauren: It’s in French and German and languages like modern Hebrew as well. Again, one of this category of R-like sounds but a bit further back.

Gretchen: /ʀ/ /ʀ/. This is the one that uses the little dangly bit at the back of your throat that you can see if you look in a mirror and scream. I think of it as a sort of cartoon screaming thing. If you can get that one waving in the back of your throat, /ʀ/ – I’m good at this one. My theory is that people are either good at this –

Lauren: You get one.

Gretchen: – the throat one or the tip of the tongue one and that very few people are good at both of them. Many people can do one or the other and are very frustrated they can’t do the other one. There are a variety of things that are done with the back of the throat that are often lumped together. In French you can have like, “roi,” the word for “king,” or “rue,” the word for “street,” and you can either /ʁ/ or /χ/. You can make it either with the vocal cords vibrating or not vibrating. You can pretty much do whichever one you want. Something that’s interesting about French is that French actually underwent a shift from the tip of the tongue one, which is still produced by a few, I think it’s mostly old men in rural Quebec, who still produce the one that you have in Polish. They still produce that R.

Lauren: Again, migration working as an amazing time capsule creation device.

Gretchen: Most of French speakers, including most people in Quebec – like younger people – but occasionally you’ll get some especially old men in less geographically central areas who still have that one because this has happened over the last 100 years that French has switched what kind of R it has. That’s one of the reasons why you can say, “Well, what do these two sounds have in common?” Okay. They’re both produced as a trill with that very fast vibration but so is the trill with the lips, /B/. Basically no languages consider the lip trill to be an R. That one’s not an R. /B/. I don’t know of any languages that consider that one to be an R-like sound. The other two that are midway in the mouth and back in the throat, those are R-like, and yet not this other one. The reason why it makes sense to consider all of these sounds together in the “R-like” category is because sometimes languages really do hop from one to the other because they still feel R-like somehow even though we don’t have a good way to pin down exactly what it is physically that you’re doing that makes it R-like.

Lauren: You can tell the sounds that linguists think fit into this category because the International Phonetic Alphabet character for them tends to be some variation on our character for the letter R.

Gretchen: It’s like shameless pandering to the R lobby.

Lauren: It’s really one of the cruellest things we do to people trying to learn to memorise all the symbols on the IPA because you have what we think of as a common R in English for words like “red,” or “rhotic,” is the letter R upside-down. Those uvular ones that you were talking about – is it a capital R upside down? The trill at the alveolar that we were talking about is the standard letter R. They’re all just little variations on it.

Gretchen: One of the things, speaking of Rs that vary, that I learned when we were researching this is that in Northern England there were once accents that used this /ʁ/, the back of the throat R like French has, which was described as a “burr.”

Lauren: That’s what people are trying to get at with that description of Northern accents.

Gretchen: Yeah. Because I’ve read – I dunno if it was Jane Austin specifically – but that era of English writer where they would say, “Oh, and this character had a ‘burr’ in his voice,” and I was just like, “A little fuzzy Velcro-y creature that sticks to you? What are you talking about this?” It’s actually trying to describe this /ʁ/ R that people had.

Lauren: Again, a nice example of the incredible variety of rhotic things that people have done with English.

Gretchen: What’s interesting is this R, too, is not always an R in every language because Arabic has a bog standard, tip of the tongue R like is common in very many languages. I actually had to go look up like, “What kind of R does Arabic have, again?” Because I studied it for a few years, and I’d forgotten what kind of R they have. And, oh, they have the normal one. Okay. Arabic also has a sound that’s very similar to what, in French, is the R sound at the back of the throat. It’s not treated as an R for the purposes of the rest of Arabic. It’s written with a G-H when you’re transcribing Arabic, and it’s produced in a very similar manner as what French considers an R, but it’s not an R language-internally, based on what people think of as R-like – in a similar way as this D in “water.”

Lauren: There’s this very loose set of what linguists broadly think of as potentially R-like, and then that manifests differently depending on the language and the other sounds that it’s in contrast to.

Gretchen: Exactly. Maybe the best example of this is that – because there’s a certain kind of sound that in some contexts can be an R-like sound, but most of the time in English, is more like a W.

Lauren: Right. Is that the very fancy Received Pronunciation English accent of talking about “woticity”?

Gretchen: “‘Mawwidge’ is what ‘bwrings’ us here together today.”

Lauren: It’s also a not-uncommon phase for children to go through. I think it’s worth saying, if you have any anxiety about not being able to produce one of the trills or one of the other R-type sounds that we’ve talked about today, it’s very common to not be able to hit sounds that aren’t in your languages that you’ve grown up with.

Gretchen: R is one of those hard sounds even for English-speaking children who’ve been exposed to it from birth.

Lauren: Children go through developmental stages where it takes them a while to get the hang of it. A lot of the time they’ll outgrow it. It’s worth just keeping an eye on and enjoying while it briefly occurs. If it’s persistent and your child is getting into 3 and 4 and it’s really not moving at all, that can be a time to maybe chat to a speech pathologist. But it is a completely normal phase to go through. It’s also completely normal not to be able to acquire sounds that aren’t in the languages that you are exposed to and that you speak. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you can’t hit one of those trills.

Gretchen: I have lost track of the number of small children, like extended family and friends’ kids, who have called me “Gwetchen” for six months.

Lauren: Oh my gosh, too cute.

Gretchen: “Gwetchen!” It’s great. It’s really wonderful. It’s so cute. There’s the classic Looney Tunes, “wascaly wabbit.” This is clearly also a stereotyped feature of a certain kind of childish speech in English. In addition to this T and G-H and W, sometimes, have ties with R, another really interesting sound that has ties with R is the /z/ sound, which is often written with S but actually pronounced /z/ as in “Zed.” In both the history of English and the history of Latin and the history of other languages, sometimes you get a /z/ changing to an R. This is how we get words like “was” and “were.”

Lauren: Ah. It’s one of those things that’s been staring me right in the face.

Gretchen: Yeah. “Was” and “were,” “is” and “are,” “rise” and “rear,” as in “to bring up.”

Lauren: Ah, yes.

Gretchen: And the suffixes “-er” and “-est” as in “bigger,” “biggest,” is another pair. Or words like “more” and “most,” “better” and “best,” “loss” and “forlorn.”

Lauren: Oh my gosh, this is a lot of very core English that I’m re-thinking for the first time.

Gretchen: Right? Sometimes an S or a Z just becomes an R or vice versa. Especially, the R often shows up between two vowels. The S changes to a /z/ sound between two vowels, and then that /z/ can change to an R because if you’re producing your R with the tongue near the front of the mouth, that’s kind of also where you’re pronouncing a /z/ sound. They’re not quite as different as you might think they are – at least if you’re producing that particular R. There’s also examples of this in Latin. You have things like “genus” – or /d͡ʒinəs/ – and “generous.”

Lauren: Which gives us “genre,”

Gretchen: “Genre,” and “generic,” and a whole bunch of words like that. And “genus,” like “species.” This happens in a bunch of languages. It’s not just those two. But you can see it in English and be like, “Wait! This has been here all along.”

Lauren: It’s another really great example of how rhoticity and rhotic sounds have this incredible flexibility and ability to change over time that makes them such an interesting little feature to pull apart and look at across a single language, across history, or across lots of different languages. You can start off going, “Okay, we’re going to look at R-like things,” and you can dig down and dig down and build more of an appreciation. You dig down so far you come back to they’re all just kind of R-like things.

Gretchen: You know how in nature the shape of a crab – the sideways scuttling, pinch-y arm thing – has evolved in several completely different branches of the family tree?

Lauren: Yes.

Gretchen: They call this “cancericization” – “everything wants to become a crab.” That’s “cancer” as in the Zodiac sign not “cancer” as in the disease. I think there’s also maybe – rhotacisation is like cancericization. Everything wants to become a crab; everything wants to become an R. R just shows up and has its little pinching fingers in so many different places.

Lauren: It’s never quite the same thing. Whenever you come across something written as an R in a language, it’s always good to keep an open mind about exactly what that is an exactly how it’s used. It’s a little recurring motif.

Gretchen: You keep coming back to this sense of similarity that people have noticed over and over again, even though these sounds are produced in incredibly different ways.

[Music]

Gretchen: For more Lingthusiasm and links to all the things mentioned in this episode, go to lingthusiasm.com. You can listen to us on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, SoundCloud, YouTube, or wherever else you get your podcasts. You can follow @Lingthusiasm on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr. You can get IPA scarves, “Not Judging Your Grammar, Just Analysing It” T-shirts, and other Lingthusiasm merch at lingthusiasm.com/merch. I can be found as @GretchenAMcC on Twitter, my blog is AllThingsLinguistic.com, and my book about internet language is called Because Internet.

Lauren: I tweet and blog as Superlinguo. Have you listened to all the Lingthusiasm episodes, and you wish there were more? You can get access to 49 bonus episodes to listen to right now at patreon.com/lingthusiasm or follow the links to our website. Patrons also get access to our Discord chatroom to talk to other linguistics fans and other rewards as well as helping keep the show ad-free. Recent bonus topics include talking to babies, reduplication, and an AMA with the two of us. If you can’t afford to pledge, that’s okay, too. We really appreciate it if you can recommend Lingthusiasm to anyone who needs a little more linguistics in their life.

Gretchen: Lingthusiasm is created and produced by Gretchen McCulloch and Lauren Gawne. Our Senior Producer is Claire Gawne, our Editorial Producer is Sarah Dopierala, and our music is “Ancient City” by The Triangles.

Lauren: Stay lingthusiastic!

[Music]

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

#language #linguistics #lingthusiasm #episode 55 #podcasts #transcripts #rhotics #r #r sounds #rhoticity #rhotacism #phonology

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a-silent-symphony · 3 years

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Nightwish’s Floor Jansen: “The way that things are now aren’t the way things are for life”

The gospel according to Nightwish singer Floor Jansen

It’s been eight years since Floor Jansen joined Nightwish, and in that time her already considerable star has only risen further. In 2020, she remains one of the most recognisable women in metal: a supreme talent and fascinating personality who has helped Nightwish into their most successful years ever. An unlikely career path for someone who originally just wanted to be a biologist and hang out with a ton of animals…

I never stood still as a child

“My dad was an ambitious man, so if there was a business opportunity, a better job to get, he would move. Let’s not forget that in those days there were no cellphones; it’s not like you could stay in touch through that, so if you moved you basically would never see [your friends] again. I don’t know what it would be like to grow up in one place and make friends there that you keep for life. I’m married to a man who has had that. Today he had one of his best friends over that he knows from primary school – now we have kids, they have kids of the same age and that kind of stuff. I think that’s romantic to me. But maybe because I moved too much, it was easy for me to emigrate [away from the Netherlands later in life]. I still miss people, but it’s easy for me to adapt to places, and put a value on actual friends that last.”

The only constant is change

“Life is flexible. I wouldn’t want to teach my daughter that the way that things are at the moment are the way things are for life, because it’s not. Life will change constantly, and I think it’s very healthy that it does. Sometimes people need to get out of their comfort zones to keep their energy going, to not fall asleep on the spot. Safety is a very strong thing in our human nature, but from where I’m standing I think it’s a good thing to get out of that comfort zone.”

I wanted to be a biologist

“It was my love for nature. That’s not something that came when I joined Nightwish, I’ve had it since I was a kid. I feel very strongly connected to it, and to the wellbeing of everything around me that lives and breathes, including plants and trees and, of course, animals. I didn’t really understand what a biologist does; I just wanted to work with nature, be a part of it and understand it better.”

The Gathering changed music

“They were life-changing. They came on the radio with Strange Machines from their album Mandylion. They really kickstarted quite a bit [of a movement] in the Netherlands and around there after. [After Forever] happened to start around the same time as Within Temptation. Nightwish were before us but still beginning to reach internationally around the same time. But, for me, the thought that I could sing in a metal band had never occurred to me before The Gathering.”

It wasn’t hard to become a vegetarian

“It was very easy for me to give up eating meat – a longer thought about what’s happening to the animals that need to be mass-produced to feed this human race. It’s not fair to them. I am not against eating other animals, but I don’t like the way we keep them, or the things we have to artificially make in order for them to not have mass disease outbreaks.”

Although hunting is actually cool

“Since I moved to Sweden and I basically live in the woods, I’ve learned a lot about hunting, which is still a very difficult subject for a lot of people, and especially people who are not close to nature. The closer you get to nature, the more part of it you become, and in nature, other animals hunt. In Sweden, as an example, they hunt to preserve the species. It all has to be done with a quick death, no suffering, it’s very important that they don’t suffer. The people that do it have a great love and respect for nature and the animals. And I gladly have a part of that – it turns out I am quite a good shooter! Though I would never actually go into the woods and hunt…”

Having a beetle named after me was unexpected

“That was weird! Ha ha ha! It’s special! That’s another connection back to nature, but yeah, fantastic, a real honour. There is now a tiny little bug [Tmesisternus floorjansenae], just a centimetre long, that has part of my name, just because the biologist loves my music so much. That’s exactly how it went! Ha!”

My daughter probably has metal in her DNA

“But we love music in its diversity, so she’s grown up with all kinds of stuff. Old McDonald Had A Farm is still way more popular than metal for her. You’ve gotta start with the classics!”

And if she wants to be a musician, we’ll be there

“We’re dreading that day because we know the struggles [Floor’s husband is Sabaton drummer Hannes van Dahl]. But if she has a talent for it she just needs to go and do it and believe in herself. Stay behind yourself, even when things are getting hard. It’s nice that mum and dad have some experience in it, but she needs to have her own back if she wants to really make it.”

Being famous is weird

“We moved to a very remote area in Sweden a year and a half ago and we didn’t really tell anybody anything about us. We think it must have been the previous owners who told people of the area who we were, because we thought that we had anonymously snuck in! The truck that helped us move emptied and left, and then this tractor came up to the property. A guy came out and was like, ‘Hey, I’m one of your neighbours – we heard that the Nightwish singer and the drummer from Sabaton just moved in, so I just thought I’d come and say hi and introduce myself!’ So, it was obvious that everybody knows, but maybe that gave us a good start because they’re all very cool people and we get along just fine.”

I was on a Dutch show called Best Voices

“It’s a show about the best singers of the Netherlands, people that have already had a career. People are put together on an island, and we go and play each other’s music to each other. Every singer came with a list of favourite songs, and the others picked one of those that they’ll sing as much as possible in their own style – and we all had very different styles! There was an opera singer who I did Phantom Of The Opera with, there was a pop singer, a singer-songwriter, a partially Dutch and partially Latin American guy who does reggaeton, a rock guy who I actually did know… it was a super-wild mix of people, all coming with different styles of music. It was a challenge for me, but I thought it was a huge opportunity for me to join and give the Dutch people an insight into my world without scaring them away. And that really worked! The way that the Netherlands is perceiving me has changed, and doors have definitely been opened.”

Certain interview questions can annoy me

“What I’m sick and tired of in interviews is when I have to answer a question that has already been partially answered by the person doing the interview. A question that’s asked with, ‘You must be feeling…’ and then comes an assumption. ‘I can really imagine it was difficult to write this album…’ OK, so the question is…? Assuming emotions and assuming things... I’m sick and tired of [interviewers] steering [me] into the direction of the answer..”

I'm not sure why Nightwish connect with so many people

“There must be something in the atmosphere in the music that goes beyond complexity or the genre. There’s something that has been connecting people to the band, and still does. We’re still growing! I do think that the songwriting is really, really good, even when it’s complex. I think people are open-minded to it – just because the radio thinks they need to feed the audience three-minute songs, it doesn’t mean that everybody in the world can’t deal with more. Maybe people find it refreshing when it goes a little bit beyond that. People can naturally feel when it’s good music. But, everything still needs to work. The stars need to be aligned, and then there’s hard work and [us having] great love for what we do.”

Published in Metal Hammer #336

#Floor Jansen #Nightwish #2020 interviews #metal hammer

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rpgmgames · 5 years

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November’s Featured Game: Grimm's Hollow

DEVELOPER(S): ghosthunter ENGINE: RPG Maker 2003 GENRE: Indie RPG, Adventure WARNINGS: Discussions of death, losing a loved one, grief SUMMARY: Grimm’s Hollow is a spooky, freeware RPG where you search the afterlife for your brother. Reap ghosts with your scythe, explore haunted caves, and eat ghostly treats on your journey through death.

Download the game here! Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! *BB: My name's Bruno and I did some of the music along with Nat! I’m super happy to have participated in this game! *NW: I’m Nat Wesley, a.k.a. Natbird! I’m a composer available for hire with a few projects in the works. I’m honored to have had the chance to work on the soundtrack to Grimm’s Hollow! *GH: Hello! I go by ghosthunter online; I started developing RPGs with a friend in school when we found out that we both enjoyed RPG Horror. I enjoy art, webcomics, cartoons and narrative-driven indie games a lot. I bought RM2K3 on sale and started pouring pixel art into it, before learning how to do things like chase scenes, cutscenes, etc. I used to fantasize about making my own game, drawing dungeons and ghosts in the back of my sketchbooks, before I finally started Grimm’s Hollow. Now I’m near the end of high-school, and I’m hoping the best for uni!

What is your project about? What inspired you to create this game initially? *GH: Grimm’s Hollow, originally, wasn’t as ambitious or personal. It was simply just going to be “my first game”, something that I could finally put my doodles and RM2K3 skills to. I wanted a game that a younger me would have enjoyed, back when I first discovered the classic RPGMaker games and replayed them constantly for those endings. That was my initial inspiration. It eventually evolved into an action turn-based RPG that relies on timing, yet it’s mostly narrative-driven. You traverse death in search of your sibling, and try to make an escape. There are unexpected pieces of me that ended up in this game, some of which I’m still noticing even now.

How long have you been working on your project? *GH: Since the summer of June 2018.

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *GH: Standstill Girl, OFF by Mortis Ghost, Undertale, Over The Garden Wall, and the animation medium in general.

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them? *GH: Many! Making your first game is such a giant learning curve, that the list of challenges goes on. I would say that the most difficult issue I encountered (and that, in some ways, I am still facing after release) is working around the limitations of the game engine I am using. I wanted to see whether creating an engaging but simple 1-party RPG in RM2K3 (without going completely custom) was feasible, and I experimented with quick time events as part of that. I worked around the engine’s built-in formulae so players could see progress when they upgraded their stats - although the game might display as defence as “10”, in reality the game stores it as 40 since the engine splits defence by 4. Since I did not want to create an RPG which was too complex for my first game, I also scrapped traditional staples such as armour or weapons. There were also issues such as having an appropriate “game over” handling event which wouldn’t shoot you back to the title screen after you lost a battle; getting RM2K3 to play a small cutscene where you faint and respawn somewhere else was tricky. I felt that if the player had to reload after a loss, it would disrupt the game flow.

Have any aspects of your project changed over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *GH: Like I mentioned before, the game started off impersonal. I just had a soft spot for a spooky cute aesthetic, and I wanted to indulge in that. It was (and in its essence, still is) meant to be a short story, to keep the player invested for the short game length - nothing grandiose. The original draft did not have Baker play a role in the narrative - he was just an ordinary shopkeeper NPC. For a long time during development, Lavender did not even have a name. In the very first draft, she was a silent protagonist the player could name and customize. But she played a very active role in the final outline, so it was hard not to give her own unique voice when one emerged from the narrative naturally. I am glad I did; she grew on me quite quickly! Grimm was virtually unchanged from beginning to end. The only difference was that a close friend suggested that he seemed like he would be into drinking Oolong tea - so that’s what he offers you when you meet him. Timmy also did not go under massive overhauls like Lavender and Baker did, but his relationship with Lavender became much more fleshed out as I wrote the narrative. In other facets of the game’s design, there were not many changes to the original prototype.

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *GH: It was just myself, doing the art, writing, programming, etc. But halfway through creating the second cave, I realised I would need a very specific sound for Grimm’s Hollow. So, I contacted Nat for music, but I also created a post on tumblr calling for a composer since there were many tracks to make. I met Bruno as a result! I am very happy with their work and I am so grateful I’ve got to work with them! (Some players are asking for an OST release, which is in the works).

What is the best part of developing a game? *GH: I really enjoyed the early stages of development: creating new tilesets, sprites and maps and piecing them together in the editor, then taking a small screenshot and sharing it with my friend over summer vacation … It was nice to see the game’s world slowly come together. I think that’s what I enjoyed the most from beginning to end: that sense of world-building, that sense of relaxation from making a small cosy game. The latter started to disappear as work and other responsibilities started to intrude, and pressure began to seep into development time - but I never stopped loving making the world and characters. I also want to say that, by lucky chance, I have met a lot of kind people from making my first game. I’m very grateful for that, so thank you to everyone.

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *GH: All the time! Other RPG Maker 2003 projects are great inspirations for pixel art tilesets, as well as how to code harder features such as custom menus. They’re also just fun to play.

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *GH: Lavender and Timmy are relatable to me in multiple ways. I can’t elaborate on Timmy since that would go into spoiler territory, but I somewhat relate to Lavender’s insistence on managing her life on her own - sometimes to her own detriment. I’d say the most fun character to write for was Grimm. He can be unintentionally silly while speaking in the most formal way, but also very caring too. Everything he does and says was easy to write, whereas I had to think harder for the interactions between everyone else - especially for very crucial scenes regarding their development. That being said, my favourite is still the game’s central two siblings. I can not pick between them for the life of me.

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *GH: I wish I started testing even earlier! Not only does it give you a good sense of what’s missing, but seeing people enjoy what you’ve made yet get hindered by bugs is a very strong incentive to fix your game immediately. When I was lacking motivation or was stuck, I found that good feedback and support made me motivated again. I also wish that I could have pushed the deadline a little further, or perhaps released the game on Early Access since it will take me a while to refine post-release bugs - but as it is, the 31st of October really was the deadline for my game due to external circumstances (no, that deadline wasn’t just because it was Halloween!). Other than that, I wonder if using an updated version of RPG Maker would have produced the same game …? It’s hard to tell, but I hope people enjoy it for what it is - I will be working on that post-release patch soon!

Do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *GH: There are no current plans, but I would be happy to have the opportunity to improve and expand on the game. As it is, the game’s released for free and done as a hobby, so I would struggle to do that by myself.

What do you most look forward to now that you have finished the game? *GH: Earlier on, I was really looking forward to players’ reactions. Games are made to be fun, and I would have felt distraught if my game didn’t achieve what it was set out to do. Yet it was not just about the gameplay; it was about the narrative. I hoped that what I found funny, the player would too; what was heartfelt to me, was heartfelt to the player as well. Like sharing a laugh, or just a good experience together. I hoped they would enjoy the feeling that went into it, despite the struggle of making it against circumstance and limitations. Now, I look forward to resting and sleeping once this over. I want to explore my other interests, improve, and explore new media. I want to relax, and refocus again like I was before the heat of development.

Is there something you’re afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *GH: Bugs! Some are easy to fix, but others are harder due to the limitations of the engine (e.g an error in one ending is caused by an overflow error).

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *GH: Show your game as early as possible, to as many people as possible. As soon as you have something playable, it’s ready for feedback. You’ll see if that game mechanic you spent hours refining works, or if it doesn’t work and why. You’ll understand what players enjoy and what they want more of, but also what they don’t like or don’t enjoy. And you will definitely encounter bugs. You’ll be able to pinpoint and fix minor problems early on that can easily become a larger issue later. You’ll be able to fine-tune your game so its best bits shine, and the difficulty is just right.

Question from last month's featured dev @dead-dreams-dev: Is there anything you’ve added to your game for no other reason than because you’re hoping fans will get a kick out of it? Fanservice, fourth wall breakage, references to other games, jokes, abilities that are just ridiculously overpowered and badass, etc? *GH: It’s hard to say; game design is trying to find the intersection between what’s good for the player, what the developer enjoys, and what’s feasible to implement. Every decision made should be conscious of that … I think a lot of the game’s early light-hearted jokes was not only made because I enjoyed it, but I hoped the player would “get a kick out of it” too. But more so, I think it’s because I would struggle to write a story which is serious and bleak from beginning to end. The game is a little self-indulgent in the narrative that way.

We mods would like to thank ghosthunter & team for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Grimm's Hollow if you haven’t already! See you next month!

- Mods Gold & Platinum

#rpgmaker #rpg maker games #indie games #pixel games #rpg #adventure #cute #grimms hollow #grimm's hollow #gotm #game of the month #gotm 2019 #2019 #game of the month 2019 #november #november 2019

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visander · 4 years

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Being Supportive | Read on archive.

Alec knew his boyfriend made music. He just didn't know other people knew Magnus made music.

Or, how Alec Lightwood finally figured out that his boyfriend is famous and how he started a storm on twitter in the process.

Alec hadn’t known Magnus was famous. No one believed that he hadn’t known, of course. How could he not have known? How could he have been dating him for that long and not realized? How had he not looked online? How had he not seen his photos on the cover of every magazine in the city?

The answer was that Alec was just really, really oblivious. He had no clue who any of the celebrities Izzy talked about were. He didn’t recognize anyone in movies or on TV shows. He never knew any of the guests on those morning talk shows. He never knew who the singers on the radio were and social media, that was a whole other mess that Alec didn’t understand.

Alec had a twitter account but he didn’t even really know what twitter was. He retweeted Izzy’s stuff sometimes, whatever that meant. Sometimes, he’d click the little heart on stuff but that was really the extent of how he used it, despite Izzy’s valiant attempts to make Alec use it more. He had facebook but all he did was post photos of his siblings, when they insisted he do so. He had maybe twenty friends on facebook and all the other ones, snapchat and instagram, he hadn’t even bothered with.

How was he supposed to know Magnus was famous? It wasn’t like Magnus had some magical aura around him that let everyone know- or, well Alec found everything about him rather magically but it had nothing to do with the fact that apparently, everyone in the world knew who he was.

Magnus hadn’t said anything either. Magnus hadn’t told him.

Well, he’d told Alec he made music but how was Alec supposed to know he actually made music; music that people listened to, music that played on the radio, music that had been a top hit on Spotify for over a month (whatever that meant). Magnus was one of hundreds of people in New York that ‘made music’ and of course, Alec had wanted to hear it when Magnus had told him.

He wanted to hear anything Magnus made because he was so different from the other hundreds of people but that didn’t mean Alec knew other people also wanted to listen to the music Magnus made. Magnus showed him some slow song, one that apparently hadn’t been released yet, one that Izzy freaked out about knowing he’d heard the demo before anyone else but Alec didn’t know it was a real song that was being produced.

It was a good song. It had nothing to do with Magnus’ music or how good it had been. The song had been amazing. Magnus’ voice was something Alec never wanted to stop listening to but Alec just didn’t know Magnus was famous. He didn’t know he had thousands of followers on twitter. He didn’t know he was verified (which was a big deal, Alec had picked up).

He just didn’t know. So, he hadn’t thought anything of posting a photo of he and Magnus. Izzy had been bugging him for weeks to show her his new boyfriend and even that early, Alec had been sure he loved Magnus. He wanted to show him off. He wanted to show everyone how pretty his boyfriend was.

So, he posted it on Twitter. His parents were friends with him on facebook still and he hadn’t really wanted to deal with whatever they’d say. So, he’d posted it on twitter for Izzy and Jace to see. He figured Izzy would be thrilled he’d made a post. It was just a simple photo, one of he and Magnus smiling on the last date they’d gone on.

Alec texted Izzy after, asking, ‘Did you see him?’ to which she replied, ‘That’s not your boyfriend,’ much to Alec’s confusion and disappointment. That was rude of her and it wasn’t exactly the joyous response Alec had expected back. He’d expected Izzy to go on about how handsome Magnus was and how nice his make up was but…

That was okay. Alec responded with a simple question mark and then, he’d put his phone down for the day. He worked from home, so even though he could keep his phone on him, he always chose not to. He’d plug it in across the room and leave it for nearly eight hours, so he knew he could concentrate. His phone rang if someone called more than three times, so Alec knew everyone could get a hold of him if they really needed to and it rang for Magnus always, so Alec just didn’t need it.

It was almost four hours later when his phone did ring. It was Magnus. Alec could tell instantly because Magnus had a special ringtone, of course. Alec hadn’t thought much of him calling. It was nearly Alec’s lunch and Magnus tried to call him on his lunch, if he wasn’t working.

Alec saw the notifications on his phone as he picked it up and he was confused because no one ever interacted with anything he did. It must be Izzy or Jace or those notifications from the games he’d downloaded once and then never used. Alec hardly even looked. He’d check it after. The only thing that mattered was that Magnus was calling him.

Alec answered, grinning before he could even greet him. “Hey.�� He said, a little breathless in his excitement. Magnus was away this week, so they hadn’t seen each other in a few days. Alec missed him already.

“Hi, Sweetheart.” Magnus greeted just as cheerfully. Alec could hear people in the background, talking. It sounded like a lot of noise and Alec wondered where he was. “How’s work?”

Alec glanced over the mess of papers he was still editing on his desk. He worked for a publishing company and the main part of his job was reading through manuscripts and catching mistakes. Alec liked his work. He liked reading and he was good at what he did but it was draining some days, when he just didn’t feel like doing it.

“It’s okay.” Alec said finally. “I’m nearly through that script I showed you last week. I won’t spoil the ending for you but you were pretty close.”

Magnus hummed, a soft chuckle bubbling from his lips. “Was I?” He asked, clearly pleased with himself. “I wasn’t sure if she’d end up killing him or if he’d run off somewhere, never to be seen again.” Magnus continued. He liked reading the beginning of the scripts Alec worked on and trying to guess what happened in the end. He was pretty good at it.

“Well, you’re going to have to read it yourself when it comes out but-” Alec trailed off, teasing like he wasn’t going to tell him for a moment. “She super kills him.”

Across the phone, Magnus laughed. “I knew she did.” He insisted, like he hadn’t just admitted he’d been unsure a moment before. Alec let him have the win without commenting. “I bet it was gruesome too.”

Alec laughed along with him. It had been gruesome but Magnus would never guess how she’d done it. “You’re going to have to read it.” He insisted. “You’re never going to guess how it happened. It involves a pool ball and that’s all I’m saying.”

“Well, then you’ll have to buy it for me when it comes out.”

“I suppose I will.” Alec agreed easily. He’d buy Magnus whatever he wanted. “What are you doing?” He asked, finally having a lull in the conversation to ask. “It’s loud.”

“Oh, I’m still at work.” At that, Alec frowned. Normally, when Magnus was working he didn’t call. “I just heard-” Magnus paused for a moment and then continued, changing his wording. “Did you post a photo of us on twitter?”

Alec frowned deeper. “Uh, yeah. Izzy’s been bothering me to post a photo of us and I have my parents on facebook-” Alec trailed off frowning deeper. He didn’t even think Magnus followed him on twitter. He didn’t use it enough to have Magnus follow him. “How did you know that?” He asked, the confusion evident in his tone.

“A few people sent it to me.” Magnus said, confusing Alec even more. “Quite a few people actually.”

Alec stayed silent, hoping Magnus would explain further but he didn’t. “How- I didn’t think any of your friends followed me on twitter.” Alec said finally. He knew Magnus had friends that used twitter a lot but again, Alec didn’t even use his. He had maybe ten posts on it.

“I don’t think any of them did.” Magnus replied. “Someone must have just seen it and retweeted it, so a bunch of other people saw it and retweeted it.”

Alec would have been offended at Magnus’ tone, if he hadn't been even more confused by the explanation. Alec didn’t need him to explain what retweeting was. He understood that, at least he thought he did. “Oh.” Alec said finally, his brows furrowed deeply as he tried to figure out what was going on. Was Magnus mad he’d posted it? Alec thought Magnus’ friends knew about him but maybe- “Should I not have posted it?” Alec asked softly, his heart breaking a little at the thought.

They’d only been dating for a few months and Alec tried to remind himself of that. Maybe, Magnus hadn’t told anyone. Maybe, Magnus was seeing someone else.

“No, it’s fine.” Magnus insisted and the worry practically melted off Alec’s shoulders as he spoke. Alec could tell by Magnus’ tone that it was fine but then, why was Magnus calling? “You just might have a lot of people following you and bothering you now. I wasn’t sure if you would be okay with that.”

“Oh.” Alec blinked. “Why would people bother me?” He asked softly, still not comprehending what Magnus was trying to say. He thought Magnus was trying to tell him that people were upset Alec had posted it or that people didn’t like him. Exactly what people, Alec still didn’t know.

For a moment, Magnus didn’t answer. He didn’t seem to know what to say but when he finally spoke, he sounded a little amused. “Just because I have a lot of followers online.”

Alec pondered that for a moment. “Because of your music?” He asked softly.

“Yes.” Magnus replied, sounding just as amused as he had been a moment before. “Because of my music.” Magnus chuckled softly as he spoke and then asked, “Is it okay if I retweet it and confirm that you’re my boyfriend so people can stop speculating?”

At that, Alec frowned deeper. He didn’t understand why Magnus was asking. He’d posted it, obviously he’d wanted his family and his friends to know about Magnus. Why would Magnus ask if he could do the same? Unless, Magnus thought he was worried it would get back to his parents.

That must be it. It was actually kind of sweet he’d ask. “Yeah, that’s fine.” Alec said finally, not really knowing what he was agreeing to at all.

“Okay, good.” Magnus moved and there was a sound on the other side of the phone, like someone among the chorus of voices had yelled Magnus’ name. “I have to go.” Magnus said, after he’d yelled something back. “I’ll call you tonight. Okay?”

“Okay, have fun at work.” Alec said, still a little dazed with the whole conversation.

“You too.” Magnus said before ending the call.

Alec stood for a moment in the dead silence that Magnus had left, still feeling like he was missing something about the conversation they’d just had. Finally, he moved and looked down at his phone screen and he knew by the sight that met him that he had missed something.

It was only then that Alec saw that amount of notification he really had on his phone. He didn’t even know he had notifications set for twitter before now. That’s how little he used the app but now, scrolling down his screen for just a moment, Alec saw that he had to have well over a hundred notifications.

He’d assumed it was Izzy and Jace, the only people who ever sent him anything, but this was people he didn’t even know. Alec opened twitter frowning as he tried to find where to see the notifications he was getting. Finally, he found the little button and when he opened it on the app, nothing was any clearer.

People were retweeting the post, most people adding some little comment that Alec didn’t really understand. People were asking if he was really Magnus’ new boyfriend. Some people were arguing with others, insisting that of course Alec wasn’t otherwise Magnus would have posted it. Some people were talking about Magnus’ hair and how the photo was clearly from last week. Some people were insisting that Alec was just really good at photoshop, which Alec found a little funny.

He wouldn't even know how to download photoshop, let alone use it and besides, why would he photoshop pictures of he and his boyfriend? For a moment, Alec still didn’t understand what was happening. He thought maybe people didn’t believe they were together because of how pretty Magnus was.

That was the only thing that made sense. Alec knew Magnus was way out of his league but… Alec worked out. He didn’t think he looked that horrible, horrible enough to invoke a bunch of people insisting he was lying about his boyfriend.

It was only when Alec noticed the usernames of the people retweeting his post that he realized something else might be going on. He’d thought it was Magnus for a second but what the person had said didn’t sound like Magnus at all and then Alec kept scrolling and he realized that most of the people had Magnus in their name, or some variation of his name. Some people spelled it with little X’s thrown in, some people spelled it just slightly wrong but it was clear it was Magnus’ name.

Magnus’ name couldn’t be that common. Alec had never even heard of someone having that name before and yet… It wasn’t until Alec clicked one of the profiles that he put it together. Someone had just retweeted it, talking about how ‘juicy’ Alec was (whatever that meant) and their profile picture was Magnus.

It wasn’t someone using his name, it was Alec’s Magnus. Why did this person have a photo of Magnus in the first place? Wasn’t that weird? Did Magnus have a bunch of stalkers he’d failed to tell Alec about? Alec panicked for a second, thinking he should call Izzy and ask how to delete the photo when someone else retweeted it.

The username was Magnus but it wasn’t spelled wrong this time and the words that went along with it reminded Alec enough of his boyfriend that he clicked it quickly before it could be lost among the sea of notifications he was getting.

This profile was Magnus’ or Alec was pretty sure it was. The person typed like Magnus and the message that went along with it had to be Magnus. He’d written simple, ‘You can stop DMing me. This is indeed my sweet boyfriend, who I’m sure is very overwhelmed with the amount of notifications he’s getting right now.’

Overwhelmed was an understatement because the moment Magnus retweeted it, Alec’s notifications exploded. Alec had been skimming them as they came, seeing what people were saying but now they were coming so quickly that Alec couldn’t read a single word of any of it.

Alec panicked and closed the app as quickly as he could but the notifications kept coming. He tried to call Izzy but his phone didn’t seem to want to work. It was just as flustered as Alec was by the messages and when he clicked on the button to call her, nothing happened. Alec waited, hoping his phone would catch up but the messages kept pouring in and his phone didn’t seem willing to focus on anything else.

Alec turned his phone off and only then did they stop. Alec took a deep breath in his kitchen and then he turned and walked back into his office.

‘How do you turn off twitter?’ Alec typed into the search bar, frowning as he scanned the results that popped up. Izzy and Jace had insisted the year before that there was no reason Alec needed a home phone when he had a cell phone. They’d mocked him and told him that no one had a home phone, so Alec had caved and gotten rid of it but right now, it would have been pretty useful.

Alec was sure twitter wouldn’t have been able to break his home phone.

He hadn’t found much about turning twitter off but his attention strayed anyway and after giving up on that, he typed into the search bar, ‘Magnus Bane’. At the top, the screen read ‘about 64,700,000 results’ which made Alec frown harder. Pictures of Magnus popped up, hundreds and hundreds of them. He’d thought maybe someone else had the same name as Magnus but this was his boyfriend.

‘Magnus Bane Official Site’ the first link read. ‘Magnus Bane- Wikipedia’ the second said. After that, Alec stopped reading each thing that popped up and he just scanned, catching nothing but Magnus’ name in the mess on his screen. He must have scrolled for three or four pages before he stopped.

It was about an hour later that Izzy showed up pounding on Alec’s door. When Alec opened it, she burst inside in a fury, holding her phone in one hand as she talked to someone that sounded like Jace. “No, he’s here.” She said, barely paying Alec any mind. “I’m going to ask- hold on.” On the other side of the phone, Jace kept talking. “Hold on, hold on-” He still didn’t hold. “I’ll call you back.” Izzy said finally before she ended the call.

She spun on her heels and lunged towards Alec as Alec slowly closed his front door behind her. “Alexander Lightwood!” She yelled, her voice raising high enough to make Alec flinch at the sound of it. She rarely called Alec by his full name. “You’re dating Magnus Bane?” She snapped.

Hesitantly, Alec nodded. “Uh, yeah. I guess so.”

“You guess so?”

Frowning, Alec nodded again, a little slower. “Well, I am.”

Izzy stared at him with that look until he kept talking.

“I am!” Alec bit his lip self consciously. “I just didn’t-” He stumbled over his words, finding it hard to explain or even understand what had happened over the past few hours. “I didn’t know so many people liked him.” He said weakly.

“You didn’t know so many people liked him?” She asked in disbelief. “Liked him?” She echoed again. “Alec, he's all anyone is talking about. He’s nominated for just about every music award he could be nominated for. He’d been at the top of the charts for three months straight. He’s one of the most famous singers in the world right now.” Izzy stared at him, like he was supposed to respond to that. When he didn’t, she snapped again, “You didn’t know people liked him?”

Alec threw his hands up defensively. “Izzy, I don’t listen to the radio! I don’t know celebrities!” He snapped.

“Well, you obviously know one pretty well!” She snapped back as Alec kept trying to speak over her.

“He didn’t tell me-” He tried to say.

“Why did you tell me?” Izzy asked over him.

They both fell silent for a second and then, Izzy started laughing. Instantly, relief blossomed in Alec’s chest. She wasn’t actually mad at him then.

“Alec, I can’t believe you’ve been dating Magnus Bane and you didn’t know he was famous.” She said, a little hush of disbelief in her tone.

Alec laughed along with her, running his hand through his rather messy hair. “I knew he did music but I just didn’t know other people knew about his music.” He explained, frowning as he remembered his broken phone. He pulled it out of his pocket and stared down at it. “And now everyone is saying things to me and my phone won’t work and I don’t know how to turn twitter off.”

Izzy reached out for his phone, scoffing as she clicked the button a few times, “Did you turn it off?”

“Yeah.” Alec peered over at it as Izzy turned it on. “I didn’t know what to do. Everyone was saying so many things-”

“Well, yeah. Magnus has twelve million followers Alec. I’d imagine your phone was blowing up.”

Twelve million. That was a number Alec couldn’t even comprehend. “I have twenty.” Alec mumbled, watching as all of the notification started popping up once again.

They both stared down at Alec’s phone for a moment before Izzy mumbled, “Well, I’d imagine you’ll have a lot more now.”

A lot more was an understatement. When Alec’s phone finally calmed down and Izzy was able to turn off his notifications, Alec saw that he had ‘2.4M’ followers, which Izzy had to confirm yes, it meant he had two million followers now.

Izzy kept insisting that he should tweet something, so Alec finally typed out, ‘Hi. I don’t know how to use twitter.’ before he hit send.

Across from him, Izzy had scoffed and then laughed, like he’d done something funny. “Good one.” She said finally and according to all the people who hearted Alec’s tweet and retweeted it, Alec thought it was a good one.

Izzy even showed Alec how to follow Magnus and after that, Alec had spent over an hour going through and retweeting all of Magnus’ posts.

“Why are you doing that?” Izzy asked when she finally noticed.

Frowning, Alec retweeted another one. “I want him to know I like his posts.” He turned his phone to show her the one he’d just retweeted. “Look, he was at the beach.”

Izzy stared at him for a moment, a soft smile that Alec didn’t quite understand coming over his face. “Well, then you just heart it Alec. You don’t have to retweet them all.”

Alec pulled his phone closer to him again, going back to his task. “I am hearting them. I’m retweeting them too, so he sees.”

Izzy kept trying to explain why he didn’t need to do that but eventually, she gave up and Alec kept doing it anyway. He was supporting his boyfriend, he insisted to her.

Later, when Magnus finally called him after work, he told Alec he had noticed him retweeting all of his posts and Alec had looked over at Izzy, smiling. “See?” He’d murmured to her. “He noticed me supporting him.”

Izzy had rolled her eyes but she’d kept smiling as she did. “Okay, that’s just not really what retweeting is for.”

Alec didn’t care. He’d keep supporting his boyfriend and besides, even the people who liked Magnus had noticed Alec retweeting all his stuff. Someone had written, ‘Magnus’ boyfriend posting that he doesn’t understand twitter and then retweeting every post he’s ever made.’ They put a crying face at the end that Alec didn’t really understand.

He retweeted it anyway. A moment later, Magnus hearted it and that made Alec smile. He didn't understand twitter much but he was getting better and if Magnus kept liking his stuff, he supposed he was doing pretty good.

#Malec #Fluff #Famous Magnus AU #Shadowhunters #malec fanfiction #my wriing

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fundielicious-simblr · 3 years

Photo

(AN: I tried to post this yesterday but my internet was moving mad, the end of the month means struggle wifi 😂)

Here’s a behind the scenes look at what was happening during the breaks and during fellowship time during the week! Everyone loved being able to get together with family and friends - both new and old - to spend time in the Word of the Lord.

This would also be a great time to introduce the families that we saw perform during the week.

Here are the Mitchell family. Parents Dennis (52) and Holly (47) and their 4 children: Lorilee (17), Delaney (16), Wesley (14), and Leroy (9)

The Mitchells live out in Windenburg’s countryside, Dennis works as an accountant for various local businesses whilst Holly stays home and homeschools the children. Lorilee graduated this summer from their homeschool and is focusing on improving her homemaking skills, so the younger 3 are the ones being homeschooled.

Meet the Crawfords. Leroy (49) and Anna Mae (45) live in the countryside outside Brindleton Bay with their 5 children: Tucker (23), Jolene (20), Jimmy (18), Dixie (16), and Shania (12)

The family have a music ministry and travel around to different churches to sing and spread the gospel for half the year, when they’re not on tour they're working on their farm. The family grow a variety of fruits and vegetables as well as raise cows for dairy, and sell their produce at a bi-monthly farmers market in Brindleton Bay. The family make the drive out to attend Brindleton Baptist when they’re at home, and are acquainted with some of the members of the extended Collins family. Leroy, Tucker, and Jimmy are the main labourers on the farm (as well as the hired farm hands), with Anna Mae homeschooling the children who are still young enough for it. Jolene helps out on the farm sometimes, but spends her time perfecting her recipes for the treats she makes and sells to local neighbours and at the farmer’s market.

Back to camp ->

Here’s Amira, Sabrina, Jolene, Delaney, Priscilla, and Lorilee. The girls were excited to be able to get together before Priscilla’s wedding, which is planned for soon after the family gets back from camp. With Amira courting as well, they’ve loved this time together as ‘single ladies’ because as the saying goes “anyone over 18 could be 6 months away from marriage”, meaning the girls want to enjoy this time together before life changes for all of them.(AN: I went to the fundie wiki to find a version of the quote cause I cba to find the exact quote 😂)

This is Claire, Anna Mae, Casandra, and Holly. These 4 have known each other since their families were very small, they’ve supported each other as they each go through different seasons of life and are excited for the future! They’ve all been busy preparing for their different parts and presentations and were happy to be able to fellowship with friends afterwards.

Here’s Allan, Richard Davies, Matthew Sanders, and Colt Powell. They’ve been working hard to plan this summer’s camp, and at the of the week it was great to announce that Allan Collins has officially been appointed to the CFLL’s Board of Directors! These men have worked together for a long time and have been blessed to have great friendships between each other and each other’s families, as they work to plan more conferences that take place throughout the year, they’re excited for CFLL’s future.

It wouldn’t be camp without some new relationships flourishing - Sabrina Paulson and Tucker Crawford started courting! They’d been friends for a while and decided to take this next step together while at camp after discussing it over the past 5 days. The officially started courting on day 5, with them playing on the same volleyball team the first thing they did as official girlfriend and boyfriend. They’ve decided that they’re okay with side hugs, and are saving hand holding for engagement and ofcourse, their first kiss for the altar.

Jolene and Dixie are overjoyed that Sabrina has started courting Tucker, they’ve already started teasing her about life on the farm and about how she should pick her favourite chore 😂 Sabrina can’t wait to spend more time with the girls as she and Tucker swap visits, she’s even joining them on their autumn and winter tour for a few stops.

Macie, Barrett, and Adalynn - these 3 were happy to be able to get together and spend time together. With Adalynn about to have babies 6 & 7, and Barrett’s wife Kyleigh just having their 8th baby, they feel bad that they don’t get to spend time with Macie. Macie does manage to come visit their families as she has a lot more free time due to being unmarried.

This is AJ, Noah, Tobias, Lester, Aaron, and Luke - these boys had a great time at camp! They’ve been able to play in the lake, hike around the woods, learn how to fish, and hunt for bugs and frogs in the dirt! It’s been a great week for them, for AJ, Benjamin, and Adalynn’s boys its been great for them to be able to see each other and have some cousin time together. Lester loved being able to play with some boys his age, he’s excited that his little brother will be coming soon so that he’ll have someone to play with, but for now he’s been happy to have boys to play around with.

Here’s Chloe, Lyric, Aria, Rose, Violet, and Marissa - these girls have also loved their time at camp. They learnt new songs, were able to learn the basics of sewing and knitting (or even more techniques in the case of Chloe) and even had piano and violin lessons together. They’ve loved being able to play together, especially Aria, she’s only got brothers at home so she’s loved this time to play with all the other girls.

Allan and Casandra have loved this time to spend with their grandbabies! Since JJ and Liam (along with their parents) live further away and they don’t get to see them as often, they took every chance to spend time with their grandsons. They can’t believe they have 15 grandchildren already! With Adalynn’s twins about to make their appearance, that will be 17!

(AN) And THAT brings us to an official end of Family Bible Camp. What should’ve taken a week took almost 2 because my wifi decided to be an opp 😂 My initial plans were to take a week off to plan and queue up the next posts, as well as release the Unity Candle posepack and that short sleeve frumper that you see Kyleigh sporting. I’m still going to release those 2 this weekend, but I want to do updated photos for gen 2, 3 AND 4. I truly enjoy making myself suffer, but once I have an idea in my head it grows legs of its own and runs amok.

#fundie sims #fundiesims #quiverfull sims #quiver full sims #modest sims #homeschool sims #CFLL Family Bible Camp #Behind The Scenes #collins family #collins legacy #sims 4 legacy #gen 2 #gen 3 #gen 4 #post #this is overrr #onto the next project #which is big family photos #then a project which is still an idea in my mind rn but we'll see what happens

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rosesvioletshardy · 4 years

Text

life as we know it - b.h. - chapter 7

i originally planned on this chapter posting yesterday but i got caught up watching avatar the last airbender on netflix again so it ended up a little late. this chapter is also a little heavy on some subjects so if it bothers you please skip it. i tried not to put it too much seeing that it also made me a little uncomfortable so i hope it doesn’t bother y’all too much.

masterlist

summary: when their two best friends die, it’s up to ben and y/n to take care of their goddaughter and face the challenges that come with it.

# of words: 3,427 (about)

warnings: talks of poop, mentions of vomiting, anxiety / panic attacks, fluff

taglist: @myfatbottomedgirls , @evemarie05, @suckerfor-fanfics

(message or inbox me if you want to added to the taglist for this fanfic)

---

(basically what ben wore to the guardianship hearing)

late may 2017 (charlie is 8 months)

ben was the first to awake, seeing that he couldn’t sleep anymore and decided he needed to go for a run after not having been on one for a while and took frankie with him. when he left, the sound of the door closing woke y/n up. getting out of the bed, she went to charlie’s room and found her already awake. after changing her diaper and clothes, they went downstairs to fix breakfast like they do every morning from now on

“okay charlie girl what do you want today? avocado and peas or oatmeal?”

y/n didn’t get an answer but charlie just hitting her teething ring on the table of her high chair and babbled. charlie still hadn’t said her first word or started to walk and they feared that they hadn't been encouraging it enough to say her first words.

“okay you’ll have the oatmeal today and avocado tomorrow. deal?”

she had managed to feed both her and charlie and get breakfast ready for ben and frankie for when they came back. during the extra time she had, she put on some music and started to sing and dance along. picking charlie up from her and started to dance around causing her to giggle and squeal. ben came back from his run walking into the kitchen and seeing charlie and y/n dancing while she sang along before she turned around and saw ben recording her and laughing. when the song ended, y/n put charlie back into her high chair and ben went upstairs to shower and get ready.

ben was about to leave for a meeting with his agent about a new movie after finishing breakfast and give charlie to y/n after having her on his lap, when he stopped dead in his tracks when he felt something heavy in charlie’s diaper and smelt something bad.

“do you smell that?”

“smell what?” y/n asked him as she dried her hands off

“her. do you smell that smell coming off her?”

“oh maybe she pooped! she didn’t do it overnight or anything and i changed her diaper this morning but i didn’t think she would do it that quick.”

ben lifted her up to check to see and immediately regretted his thoughts as he pushed charlie towards her and started to gag

“yeah she needs a change. oh my god. my eyes are starting to water so bad.”

“stop being a baby. c’mon let’s go” she said as they walked up the stairs to charlie’s room

ben laid her down on the changing table and took off her the pants she was wearing and unbuttoned the shirt.

“okay. go on, do the thing.” he gestured to her as she stood next to him covering her nose

“what? why me? because i’m the girl?”

“yeah.”

“well i can’t-”

“ben you need to learn how to do something with her besides play! i’ve changed her diaper so many times since we had her and bathed her as well.” she said before continuing

“get in there. go ahead.”

“okay, fine. You know what? easy. if i can act, then i can do this. It’s not that -”

“it’s something you can check off your checklist. Check” y/n said as she did a check notion in the air

“what are you doing?”

“i don’t know what i’m doing. it’s not a bra that i’m taking off a girl. It’s a diaper that i’m taking off a baby, okay? is there a box of instructions?”

“it’s not rocket science. just take the tabs off.”

“see those little tabs? just undo them.”

as ben undid the tabs and pulled the diaper away, both him and y/n were hit with a big surprise from charlie causing them to start gagging while she just laid there and giggled

“don’t do that! you’re going to make me vomit!”

“it’s like slumdog millionaire in there.”

“you’re going to make me throw up”

“she didn’t eat enough to even produce that! she had like two pieces of those cracker things-” ben started to yell as she started to hit him

“she’s getting it in her toes!”

“okay, okay, okay! give me those wipes! give me more” ben stated as she kept handing him wipes

“what, it’s like a poop suit.” ben started to say as they heard the doorbell ring making him run to go get it

“ben!? don’t leave me here!” y/n yelled

as ben ran down the stairs, their neighbors were arguing before the door opened

“i’m getting the feeling this is some kind of reconnaissance mission.” zachary, rachel’s husband said

“no one else is thinking this.” rachel said before ben quickly opened the door

“oh, hi!!” they all said

“Hey”

“we’re just, you know...here comes the street”

“what’s going on?” ben asked

“just uh, you know, bringing you some dishes, and whatnot. new parents have to stock the fridge. one, two, three. just because” rachel said laughing

ben knew exactly what they wanted which was them wanting to come inside. he gave in and told them to come in. this made him remember that he a meeting to go to and according to his agent it could be a big one

“come on it.” he said moving out of the way

“oh how unexpected! hope it’s not bad time” amber said

“if you could all excuse me for just one minute while i make a phone call” ben politely said

ben left the room and went upstairs to find y/n cleaning up charlie and put her in a new onesie

“hey, the neighborhood watch is here. they brought us some-” ben said with his phone against his ear waiting for his agent to pick up stopping as soon as he saw her and pointed

she turned around for ben to find some of charlie’s poop on her cheek

“what? she’s perfect. no thanks to you. big coward” she said

ben tried to warn her about the shit on her face before talking to his agent and they walked down the stairs. ben giggled with charlie before following her down to where everyone was

“auntie y/n is in for a big surprise” ben giggled to charlie

y/n walked down the stairs to find a few of the neighbors that were at the funeral and reception there holding containers filled with food. when she reached the bottom, everyone cheered until what they saw on her face

“oh”

“what?” she asked confused as to why everyone was looking at her funny

“Well honey, you have shit on your face.” who she recognized as rachel said

y/n’s eyes bugged out of her face as she began to touch her face to find the poop on her right cheek while ben stood there smiling.

walking back upstairs, she passed the mirror as she looked and almost screamed

“fuck, fuck, fuck. that’s so gross! how did i not notice? how did that even happen?” she started to whisper yell

she quickly ran back to find one of the wipes and wipe the poop off her face causing her makeup to come off as well. she then ran back to the bathroom in a panicked state looking for her makeup to fix it. as she was putting another layer on, ben came into the bathroom telling to hurry up

“you got a little more. on the right.” ben started to say helping her

“just shut up. i swear”

“c’mon. the faster you finish, the faster we can get them out and i can go to the meeting. i only managed to get myself one more hour before i don’t get this. i’m just trying to help” ben said as she walked passed him and he laughed quietly to charlie

“well, if you stayed and helped this might not have happened” she stated as they walked down the stairs

when they walked down the stairs, they saw everything set up for breakfast that the neighbors had prepared. ben stopped in his tracks as he got a text saying it was his lucky day that the meeting got postponed to later in the evening as they got busy with a personal matter

y/n started to pour out coffee for all the adults as ben moved the playpen near them and put her inside it with a few of her toys

“are you guys doing okay with charlie? you look a little tired?”

“oh yeah, that would be the not sleeping.” ben said

“it doesn’t show at all” everyone started to agree

“you don’t look that tired.” mike told ben

“don’t worry, because you’re not gonna sleep for 10 years.” rachel told them

“and you’re not never gonna get used to the children’s music.” zachary said

“i don’t think any of us knew what we’re doing when we become new parents” amber told them

“we had nine months to get ready and we still screw up about half the time”

“do you know what? i’m gonna get real serious. you have to get two things straight and i’m going to say: 1. get a sitter,” rachel started

“and a backup”

“absolutely”

“Number 2: you can never have enough paper towels” rachel finished

“when you shop at the shop now. they’re always out of milk and they don’t carry the unscented wipes” robert said

“that is true.” tom, robert’s husband agreed

“when you order motrin, or buy it, make sure you get the dye free”

“No BPAs. sippy cups, any plastics. you don’t want those chemicals”

everyone was hurling all this information on what to do and what to get to the point where y/n ran out of the room and straight to the bathroom to throw up from her anxiety. all the adults stopped talking and stared at her before turning to ben who followed her straight to the bathroom. softly knocking at the door, he entered to find her leaning against the tub, breathing heavily

“hey you alright?” ben asked

“i would say yeah, but then i’d just be lying to the both of us.” she told him

“what happened? what’s wrong?”

“nothing. i guess being a parent is more than we thought of and i think all the stress and nervousness from them talking about what wipes to get or what cups she should be using just got to me.”

“well you’re not alone on this. you got me too. same with jack and melissa, we can always ask my mum, there’s articles online. there’s a bunch of different resources to use. we don’t have to exactly listen to them, there are other sources.” he told her as she threw up again, holding her hair in a makeshift ponytail

“i guess.”

“now, we have people to entertain and finish talking to because the sooner that happens, the sooner we can go back to being alone and going to work or whatever.” ben told her getting up and offering her a hand

“you’re right. i hate it when you’re right.” she said as she began to wash her mouth out

“no i think you love it when i’m right.” he said in a cocky tone as they went back downstairs

charlie was now sitting in amber’s lap as they played with one of her toys while the other adults talked

“hey, how you feeling? what happened?”

“are you okay? are you pregnant?”

questions were being hurled at her like the comments before but y/n had managed to keep the vomit down this time

“i’m fine and no, i'm not pregnant. hopefully not for a while. most likely was from last night's dinner, maybe something bad.”

“that’s good. hope you feel better. well, i think it’s time for us to leave. we all have work, and i know you both do too.” amber said handing back charlie to y/n

“thank you for coming. the food was delicious.” she tells them as they all head for the door

they all said their goodbyes and ben and y/n have never felt so tired in the morning like this. they were somewhat used to this now due to charlie teething at the moment so there are times in the middle of the night where they wake up to help her soothe her gums. ben went to go take charlie upstairs for her nap while she decided to check her phone while finishing getting ready after cleaning the table and putting the leftover breakfast in the fridge and dishes in the dishwasher. as she scrolled through the news, she saw a rather interesting article about ben from The Daily Mail, which she has learned to hate. when she clicked on it, she started to choke on her coffee when she read the headline. after pulling herself together, she reread the headline to make sure it was right,

“eastenders actor ben hardy with a secret girlfriend and baby strolling london?”

she took a deep breath and pressed on the article to read it knowing that it won’t be the best idea

“Earlier this week, former EastEnders actor Ben Hardy was caught strolling in London for lunch with bakery owner y/n l/n, their dog, and their child. it is unknown whether or not how long they have been together. They were seen by a source going into l/n’s bakery, Eats ‘n’ Treats for lunch and stayed there for a couple of hours before leaving and taking a small stroll around Hyde Park. A month ago, Hardy and L/N’s friends were killed in a car incident. Hardy recently starred in an episode of “Drunk History” where he played King Arthur and as Archangel in the Marvel movie “X-Men: Apocalypse.”

ben walked back down to see y/n clutching her phone to the point where if she had any more strength, it would break. her face was pale too, eyes bugging out. he went to her to see what was wrong where all she could do was hand her phone to ben. he seemed confused at first before he read what she was reading. he had never liked gossip sites, no matter what they were or who. he sat down next to her and they thought about how they could tell people the truth about their situation. he looked at her and without even having to open their mouths, she nodded knowing it would be the right thing to do. ben got out his phone and opened Instagram and picked out a photo of him, y/n, and charlie all together from when she was first born. he spent a few minutes on the caption and making sure there weren’t any mistakes, and posted the picture. the two didn’t say another word and he watched her as she left for work. ben was pretty sure that his agent was going to be bringing it up at the meeting later in the evening.

ben hadn’t looked at his phone all day or called her. she hadn't done the same either. tyler had tried to talk to her about it but he knew she didn’t want to and respected his friends' choices. her shop became more crowded than usual after the article, specifically fans of ben. she decided it would be best for her to go into her office to work and be in the back until the shop closed. ben had stayed home with charlie and cleaned up around the house and cooked dinner or at least tried to. he wanted to apologize for dragging her and charlie into the mess he calls his life as an actor and wanted to at least make up for it. the one thing he didn’t think of was what would sean think of the article. he couldn’t believe that he would be that dense to believe anything a gossip article would say.

y/n had managed to arrive back home a few minutes later than usual and entered to see the table set up with dinner and candles lit up. she dropped her bag off at the couch and took her heels off and walked into the kitchen to find ben pouring some wine. white, this time so nothing would happen like what would happen when she drank red.

“why did you do this?” she asked him

“i wanted to apologize to everything that has happened recently. Specifically what we read this morning from the tabloids. i tried using a cookbook to follow everything to the point where i think i just ended up guessing on everything. hopefully i won’t try to poison us and i hope it doesn't.” ben said all in one breath

all she could do was let out a small laugh and go to one side of the table admiring the food he made. it didn’t look bad and it didn’t smell bad either. “he really outdid himself, huh?” she thought

ben walked over to her and placed the glass of wine in front of her and pulled out her chair for her to sit. she kindly did so and watched as he went to sit next to her. she began to have this feeling in her stomach. a feeling she used to have with sean when they first began to date but not as much anymore. y/n quickly shook her thoughts away and watched as he began to put some of the spaghetti carbonara on her plate. the two ate in silence before she spoke up.

“it’s really good. but why did you do this? an apology would’ve just been enough.”

“yes, but i know you’ve been working more hard on everything the past couple months that i felt like you deserve something better. i know we have our ups and downs but-” ben started to say until his phone ringing interrupted him

“answer it. it sounds important.” she told him as she saw that the contact name was his agent

ben gave her a small, sorry, smile before leaving the room. y/n tried to finish the rest of her food but she had too much going on in her mind before snapping out of her thoughts when ben came back in.

“i’m really sorry i have to do this but i have a meeting to go to. it’s something about a new movie and they want to talk to me about it before getting me an audition in a couple of months.” ben said with a sorrowful look on his already feeling more guilty

“no, ben it’s fine. you’re getting bigger and i couldn’t be more proud. just go, i’ll clean up. the food was great though. thank you.” she told him standing up

“are you-”

“yes. ben i’m sure. now go. i don’t want you to miss out on a big opportunity like this.”

ben gave her a small smile apologizing again before putting his shoes on and walking out the door and glanced over his shoulder, back at her to find her putting the dishes in the sink and the food in a tupperware. he closed the door and headed towards his car to go to his agent's house. when she was done with the rest of the dishes, she drank the rest of her glass of wine and went to check on charlie seeing that she hadn't seen her since the morning.

upon entering her room, frankie quickly got up to see who the intruder was. after smelling the scent of the person and knowing who it was, she went back to her spot near charlie’s crib. y/n walked over to find her peacefully sleeping and lightly brushing the frame of her face. she looked at her for a few more minutes before looking around the room and seeing the picture of christian and lennon. picking it up, she held the picture close to her for a few minutes before setting it back down and heading back downstairs. she tried to watch some TV to distract herself but there wasn’t anything good for her so she just left it on with the volume on low and found herself slowly falling asleep on the couch.

when ben came back home, it was late, almost 12 am. he quietly closed and locked the door before hearing noises coming from the living room and realizing it was the tv. he walked over to turn it off before he saw y/n asleep on the couch. he turned the show off and went over to her and softly picked her up to take her to her to her room. closing the door, he went to change out of his clothes and got ready for bed himself.

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rainbowglittr · 3 years

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Love and Marriage - Chapter 10 (Mature, Minors DNI)

Description:

After a loss in the family uncovers a family secret, Jaleia and her husband Jesse are forced to balance one family crisis after another along with their budding careers and their plans to expand their family. Will the pressure to keep everyone else together ruin their own relationship? Can ruined relationships be fixed before it’s too late?

Chapter 10:

Jesse's POV

I opened the door to our hotel room. I slept on the plane and I was still tired.

"Ooooooh." Diana said walking into the room behind me. We had a two room suite. I turned to Diana.

"Pick whatever room you want, shake out the blankets, and sleep. We got a busy day tomorrow. Or today." I rubbed my face. Diana slept on the plane and now was wide awake, touching everything in the room.

"Di, go to bed, I'm tired."

"Sorry, I'm just so excited. I can't even sleep! We haven't been here in so long. Thanks for bringing me. Oooh, let me take pictures by the window." She ran to the window.

"I'm going to bed, don't do anything crazy. Night." I said.

"Kay, night Jess!" She said

I found the bigger room and collapsed on the bed.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"I miss you already, babe! I couldn't sleep." Jaleia said. I was face timing her before me and Diana left for the day. It was 5AM her time but 8AM in Cali.

"I miss you too, love. I haven't had to go away in a while. "

"I know. I hated it when you lived in L.A."

"Yeah, you kept telling me."

"So what's the schedule like?"

"Today me and Di are hanging out. This week and next I'm working with the new artists. The week after next is when I work with some famous people."

"Sounds fun. I'm going back to sleep. Love you."

"Alright baby, don't over sleep. Love you."

I hung up. I grabbed my wallet and keys and walked out the room. Our suite was nice, it had two rooms, a common area, a bathroom and a small kitchen area. It looked expensive as hell so I was glad that the studio was paying for it. I make decent money but sure as hell not enough to stay here for three weeks. Maybe not even 3 days.

I walked to Di's room and knocked on her door. After the "incident" we've all been more aware of knocking first.

"Di are you done? We gotta go!" I yelled through the door.

"Almost! I just gotta find the right shoes!"

"Well hurry up! We gotta pick up the rental car." I said. Because we were going to be here for a few weeks I got a rental to make it easier to get around. Having lived her before I knew the traffic was going to be shit.

>>>>>>>>>>>>

Diana had not stopped talking since we left the hotel. It was making my head spin. We had just picked up the rental, and now we were now on our way to see the Hollywood Star Walk of Fame. Diana had been bugging me to take her. And as I predicted we were stuck in traffic.

"And hopefully we have time to go to Universal or Disneyland or world or whatever the one on cali is called. I can't wait to take selfies. What do you-"

"Di."

"I cannot wait so see L.A, like really see it.-"

"Diana."

"I'm just so Excited!!"

"DIANA!"

"What?"

"Just a second of silence, please." I said.

"Sorry." She said.

"Don't be, my head is killing me." I said which wasn't exactly a lie but I felt bad for killing her joy.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>

We got back to the hotel at midnight. Diana made me feel old. She dragged me everywhere on the Hollywood Stars to find her favorite stars. My feet and back hurt. I was done.

My phone rang and I groaned. I had spread out on the couch in the room while Di took a shower. I looked at the screen. Jaleia was face timing me. I answered.

"Hey Jess!" Jaleia said. She looked like she was in our bed.

"Hey bae." I said, trying to keep my eyes open.

"Awww, you look tired, how was your day? Diana drag you around?"

"Hell yeah! We went to the Hollywood Walk of fame. When I tell you I'm tired. I'm done! It was fun but damn."

"Aww, you're a good older bro. You look so tired. It's adorable."

"Woman, I am not adorable. I'm a man. I'm not adorable. "

"Yes you are! So cute when you're tired. I'll let you get some rest, make sure you call me. I love you."

"I promise I'll talk more tomorrow. I love you, bae. Bye."

"Bye."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The first few days in the studio were great. They knew what they wanted, what sound they were going for and they were already talented in music. There were three artists this week, Alana who was looking for a pop sound, Smoke R&B, Jazmyne soul. We worked on about three tracks in for each of them. When I'm in L.A it's a much bigger song writing and producing team. I got my man Dre, best friend since NYU, who produces, JD, Dre, Mandy all produce, and Mark, Green, and J.T and I all write. We do melodies and help produce as well but mostly we do the lyrics. I produce as well but my strength is in the lyrics. It's a lot of noise in the studio with more six people and usually it's hard to work like that but we've been doing it together for years and we're able to cut through all the nice to get the sound it words we need. We usually work in teams to produce an album.

Diana had been having a good time from what I could see hanging around the studio and watching us work. Anytime I could fit in I took her to different places around L.A, mostly places to eat because that's all we had time for. She couldn't get over the fact I used to live here before I got married. It was so hard to move but I had to, Jay couldn't since she was in her residency. But someday we're moving back. I had Diana on lunch duty, so she could get out from the studio for a moment. She picked up our lunch when it was within walking distance. She didn't mind because she once ran into Luke James and hasn't stopped talking about it since. So she volunteers to get lunch now.

On Wednesday, everyone decided to go out for lunch. I let Diana go with them since Dre was going and I knew he would look out after her like I would. He's known her since she was seven. I stayed behind to finish a track we were working. It was just me in the studio and I was so into working I didn't hear someone enter.

"Jess! How are you?" Imani Redd walked into the room. She was wearing a bra and those shorts girls wear where their whole ass is out. She hadn't changed much since I had last seen her in person except her hair was now blonde. She still looked good. I got up from my chair.

"Hey Imani." I said.

She laughed and said "You don't have to be so formal. We good. You looking hella nice. You didn't dress like that when we were together." She gave me a tight hug.

"What's up?" I said sitting down again.

"I heard I would be working with you and just wanted to swing by and say hello. I know we didn't leave on the best terms-"

"Fucking understatement of century there." I said, crossing my arms.

"But I wanted to make sure we were cool and that you knew how very sorry I am for doing that to you. You didn't deserve that. I loved you, I really did. I hate that I screwed it up, especially for a guy that wasn't even worth it. Are we good?" She said walking toward my chair. She bent down in front of my chair, putting her hands on the armrests of the chair. I leaned back to get her breasts out my face.

"Cause if we're not, I'm sure I can make it up to you." She whispered in my ear. I started to sweat.

"Um, we're good, what's in the past is in the past, there's no need to bring ANY of it back up. I'm actually glad what happened, happened, I wouldn't have met my WIFE if it hadn't." I said, rolling my chair back. She turned around and like I figured, almost her entire ass was out. As she bent down in front of me to pick some imaginary object off the floor, I stared at the ceiling.

"That's too bad," she said, now standing over my legs, putting her hand on my shoulder. "Cause I love to make a man happy and I've only gotten better. Congrats on getting married, Jess. I'll see you later. And please let me know if you need anything." She slid her hand down my chest slightly brushing my crotch. Her hips swayed as she walked out the room. I let out the breath I was holding in. I wasn't scheduled to work with her until the last week I was here but I could already tell she was going to be a problem.

>>>>>>>>

It was past 2AM in the morning as we sat and talked in the studio. Diana had passed out on the couch. All the artists had gone home and it was just Dre, Green, J.D and me left still trying to finish some tracks. Admittedly we stopped working a while ago.

"So you used to bag Imani?" Green said. Green was a 35 year old white guy who slept with any girl who would sleep with him. He's been divorced five times, all for the same reason - infidelity. He was a terrible partner but a great somgwriter.

"I used to date her, yes."

"How was she?" Green asked. Green was also a pothead, and had a few edibles earlier. He was still as vile sober as he was high. I wouldn't let him eat them anywhere near the studio, since I had Diana with me. Usually I didn't care but she was staring to get better and she wasn't going to pick up bad habit now.

"You know I don't talk about women like that. Especially since I'm married. " I said.

"Hmm. Yeah you let your wife whip you. But I would love to get that Imani in the sack. She got it all."

"I'm not whipped." They all gave me a look.

"Y'all think I'm whipped? Trippin."

"Nah, man I hate to say it, but she got you wrapped around her finger. Ain't nothing wrong, that's your girl. But hell yeah you whipped." Dre said.

"I'm not fucking whipped."

"I bet you had to beg her to come here. Especially once she found out about Imani. " J.D said.

"We talked about it but I ain't got to beg for shit!"

"Yeah, okay man." J.D said.

"I'm not whipped!"

"What happened between you and Imani anyway?" J.D asked.

"She did him dirty as hell. Played his ass." Dre said.

"We were engaged and she was cheating on me for months. I only found out because I walked in on her with another guy."

"Damn. She really had you going."

"He really acting like she wasn't shady before that though." Dre said.

"How was I supposed to know?"

"This nigga really gon ask that? She used to "go away" for the weekend and have "late night recording sessions" and never could show him a demo. You know that this nigga right here wrote like seven songs for her? Almost her whole first damn album. She played the hell out of you. I even told your stupid ass that she was doing you wrong. And you ain't want to hear it." Dre said.

"I was young and in love." I said. When he put it like that I did sound stupid for not knowing she was using me.

"More like young and dumb as hell!" J.D said. They all laughed.

"And you had the nerve to be all depressed afterwards, acting like you ain't know she was no good. I got sick of your Mopey ass. I guess the sex was that good. But I got to say you married well." Dre said.

"I did, didn't I? Well it's not like you had it together either. Remember that girl who tried to claim that you were her deadbeat baby daddy?" I said.

"Oooooohhhhh. She was a fucking nightmare. Almost ruined my relationship." Dre said. J.D's jaw dropped. We had met J.D after we got out of college.

"Followed him around campus everywhere. Dressed the kid just like him. You've dated some crazy ones, don't play me like that!" I said.

"Look, I would cheat on my girlfriend just to hit that ass. Imani got that ass." Green said.

"We know." We all said at once.

"I would never cheat. My girl would kill me if she ever found out." J.D said.

"I never want to lose my wife again. Not again. " Dre said.

"You cheated on Eva?"

"Before we got married, we were engaged. Wasn't worth it, it was the worst mistake I ever made. I would never do that again. And Jess is too whipped to even think about cheating. " Dre said.

"Fuck you... But you right about that." I said as they laughed.

"I know what it's like to be cheated on, so I would never do that her." I said.

"But you got to admit that Imani is fine. You would hit that again if you were single. "

"I'm happily married."

"He didn't say no."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"So what are you trying to say with the hook because it's really confusing. Is the relationship worth saying or not?" I said to Jazmyne. We were finishing up one of her songs and the chorus just didn't flow right.

"What I'm trying to say is I don't know what I want from the relationship. I guess I could make that more clear."

"Yeah, I really want that point driven home in the chorus. You're stuck between two feelings and you just want something worth fighting for."

"Oh my God, that's it!"

"Let's try it." I picked up my guitar and started to strum the melody.

Baby I'm stuck in the middle,

Of this one single issue

Don't know what I'm saying

And you seem to think I'm playing

Not sure if I don't want your love

Cause it feels like it's from above

I'm sick of being ignored

I just want a love worth fighting for

Jazmyne sang.

"I love that! I like the switched melody, and I love that new line. You are a freaking genius!"

"Nah, you did all the work. You ready to lay the vocals down for real?" I said.

"Yes!" She went into the recording booth, a couple of takes on the chorus and she was done.

"How does it feel to have all of the tracks to your first album ?"

"I'm so freaking excited! This shit was lit. So what happens next?"

"You're going to pick your favorites, and the ones you don't want on the album. You'll play it for some executives on the label and they'll give you feedback, you skim the tracklist and songs down more, hopefully get it approved. And then work on the cover art. They'll give you a date and some promo, and your album will be released. There's a bunch of other bull in between that but that's really it."

"I'm so excited. Wow that's a lot. But I'm so happy with everything, thanks for your help. Can I listen to them all?"

"Sure, they'll be unfinished of course."

"Yeah, it's fine. Thanks." I handed her some headphones.

Alana was almost done with her album. Jazmyne was done with hers. Smoke however, had a lot more to be done.

Usually writing an album takes several months and it did for them. We were just here to polish the songs they had, write any ones they were missing, and really curate the style they were trying to have and finish the demo album.

It was my second week in L.A and it had been great so far. Last weekend I took Diana to Disneyland and we had a great time. She was such a good sport about being cooped up in a studio for so long I really wanted to do something special. It was Friday night and it was going to be another night spent at the studio.

My phone started vibrating on the control panel. I put down my guitar and looked at screen. Jaleia's face lit up. I answered, propped my phone up nearby and started to strum my guitar lightly.

"Hey Jess!"

"Hey Love, what's up?"

"I miss you. I'm sorry I keep saying it and calling you and-"

"I never get tired of you. Call me anytime."

"How's Di?"

"She's having fun, I'm sure she'll tell you allllllllll about it when we get home."

"I feel kinda stupid."

"Why?"

"I cried cause I missed you so much. The house is a mess, I've been late so much lately. I can't wait for you to come back."

"Aww, I'm sorry baby. It's only one more week. I miss you too."

"I know."

"Did you see all the organization tips I left you? I know it's hard for you to adjust your schedule suddenly. "

"One of the worst parts of ADHD I guess. Your wife's a mess. What's new?"

"Jay, you're not a mess, don't talk like that. What you up to tonight? You look cute." She had a low cut silky night shirt on.

"Um, I am having a sleepover with the girls. I finally convinced everyone. A quiet girls night. Movies, wine, snacks and shit. Should be fun. I'm really lonely, please come home soon."

"I'll be home real soon, alright."

"Oh and Jess? I found your present. And it's beautiful. I'm wearing it now. I always wanted a tennis bracelet! Now I get to brag about how great you are. When you get home, you will get the biggest thank you ever. Whatever you want. Trust me."

"I knew you'd like it. And I'm looking forward to that thank you."

"I have a little sneak peak of something I bought for you." She said and pulled her shorts down a little so I could see the top of her lace panties.

"You like these?" She said pulling her shorts back up.

"Hell yeah, you look sexy. I'm still on the studio Jay, so I gotta call you back. I love you, Jay?"

"Yeah?"

"I really miss you too. You're amazing and I love you! Have fun tonight."

"Love you too Jess! I'll talk to you later!"

#love and marriage #original story #original writing #writers on tumblr #black writers #black characters

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kpop---scenarios · 4 years

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Vacation To Remember

Comissioned Request by: @bebedahlia! I hope you enjoy!

Warning: Smut

Word Count: 3.8k

Hoseok was tired. He was overworked, and expected to continue to write songs, produce them, record and have all the other members record their parts as well. As much as he loved being an idol, and did he ever love it, he needed a break. But he never took one. As much as he yearned for that break, that peace that came along with it, he could never bring himself to take the time off. He had always been worried about the disappointment. Not from the other members, or his agency, but from the fans. The ones who loved him and Monsta X so dearly, the ones who supported him throughout his journey to become an idol, the ones who he pushed himself for everyday. Those were the ones he didn't want to disappoint. He knew they never would be though. They wanted him to take breaks, focus on himself, keeping himself happy and make sure his mental health was okay but he couldn't force himself to book a flight anywhere. Not yet. He had never been pushed to his breaking point. But now he had been. It hadn't been anything big that pushed him over the edge. The pressure of everything needing to be done now, but done better than what he had, better than what anyone could imagine, and he didn't have that in him at this moment. So instead of focusing, staring at the sheet of music paper in front of him, he looked for the first flight he could find out of Seoul and fat far away. Norway? Perfect. Hoseok grins as he sees his flight is booked, leaving in a mere 3 hours. He needs to pack. Quickly, he runs to the dance practice room, knowing Shownu is guaranteed to be in there. Sure enough, he his. Hoseok explains to him he needs a few days to get away. He needs to clear his head and he'll be back in a week to finish everything for the album but he just can't concentrate at the moment. "Go man, we're all good here. Just keep in touch" Shownu says with a smile and a pat on Hoseok's back. He knew Shownu would understand, he always did. Making it back to the dorms, Hoseok begins rummaging through his closet, searching for his duffle bag. Once he finds it, he packs it with his clothes, all warm ones considering Norway is not the warmest place at the moment. When he is finally satisfied with the amount of clothes he has, he searches around his room, debating on whether or not there's anything else he wanted to bring. His eyes land on the laptop lying on his bed where he had left it this morning after getting frustrated with trying to make some beats. Did he bring it along and try to do some work? No. The whole point of this trip was for him to relax and that would never happen if he brought the computer. If he wanted to be holed up in a room, working he would have just stayed here. He needed to get out and do something without being worried about being reprimanded by his agency, or recognized but too many fans. Hoseok was giddy as he glided through the airport, his facemask on and his head down but a smile plastered on his face regardless if anyone could see it. He almost felt like a child on christmas, the first feeling when you wake up in the morning and you rush downstairs to see all your presents. This vacation was the best present he could have ever given himself. As Hoseok sat on the plane, he stared out the window dreaming about what he would do when he finally arrived at the Geilo Ski Resort. Would he hit the slopes first? Or maybe lounge by the fire and read a book? Hit the town to see what he could find? The possibilities are endless, and he had all week to do whatever he wanted. Both schedules, no moving from photoshoot to interview to recording studio. He was free and it was an amazing feeling. As the plane took off, Hoseok leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes for what felt like the first time in months. ** "No, Kris, I'm not fucking staying to work things out. I should have never given you this second chance" you shout at your now ex boyfriend for the second time. "I should have stayed away the first fucking time you cheated on me. I knew you would do it again and I'm so fucking stupid" "Come on baby, it won't happen again. I'm sorry" he groans, staring at you with puppy dog eyes. "You know, your pleas might actually work better if you didn't have your cock inside her" you spit, finishing packing your suitcase. You had come home to surprise your boyfriend, who you had just gotten back together with, with tickets for a trip to Geilo Ski Resort in Norway, a vacation for you both to get away, but now it was just you getting away. "I'll be back in a week, and I want you fucking gone" you say, scoffing at him one more time before slamming the door behind you. You couldn't wait to leave this place behind, even if it was for only a week. Although, you had thought about moving somewhere completely different, and maybe this trip would help you decide if you were ready for that. ** Hoseok rolls his suitcase through the front doors of the resort, his eyes roaming through the building. It wasn't as busy as he thought it would be but he was happy about that. Fewer people meant a smaller chance of him being recognized, that made him relax a little more. "Reservation for Shin Hoseok" he says to the receptionist with a small smile. "Alright, you'll be in room 214" she smiles, handing him his key. As Hoseok walks away, you walk up to the front desk with a half smile, half frown on your face. "Hi" you sigh. "Reservation for Y/N L/N" you say. "Ah yes, you will be in room 213" she smiles, sliding the key across the desk. "Thank you" you whisper before making your way up to your room. You had already made a plan on the plane when you arrived, you would put your things away and then go downstairs and hit the bar for a much needed drink.. or five. As you stepped into your room, you tossed your bag onto the bed. You grabbed your wallet and your key and pulled the door shut behind you, making your way back downstairs for your much needed reward for putting up with a shitty boyfriend. "Can I get two shots of tequila and a vodka and ginger ale please" you smile at the bartender. As you sit on a stool at the bar, you scan the room, looking to see if there is anything exciting happening. People watching had always been one of your favorite pastimes, and doing it in a different country was no exception. You noticed the usual things for a resort, a family with well behaved children, a family with the father over his head and the mother drinking a glass of wine while tuning everything out. A few men eyeing up the women in the room, and a few women who hoped they would be the one the men chose. As you scanned the room again, you accidently caught the eye of a man, who looked like he had just left a frat party, but was also far too old to currently belong to a frat. He was someone who clearly couldn't let go of his good old days, and now he was walking towards you. "Shit" you whisper under your breath, as you turn around to face the bar again. You quickly take both your shots before he approaches you, sitting on the stool beside you. "Whatcha drinking?" He asks with a smile his breath reeked of cigarettes and whiskey. "I'm good, thanks" you mumble, refusing to make eye contact. "Oh come on, don't be like that" he chuckles. "Another round for my friend here" he yells to the bartender. "I'm really good." You say again. But he ignores you. "So what's a pretty lady like you doing here by yourself?" He asks, scooting himself closer to you. "I'm not interested dude" you say, but the man unfortunately still doesn't get the hint. "Come on babe, just talk to me" he chuckles. Before you're able to yell at him, an arm slides across your shoulder, pulling you in tightly. "Everything okay here baby?" A husky voice asks. You turn your head to see the man who had been kind enough to help you, and you were blown away. He was probably one of the most attractive men you had ever seen in your life. His large build and muscles should be intimidating, but honestly, it just made you wet. "No love" you whisper. "He won't leave me alone" you pout. "Look dude, she said she's not interested. Back the fuck off" he snaps. The man who had been bugging you scoffs before muttering something about you being rude and then walking away. "Thank you.." you trail off, waiting for the man to introduce himself. "Hoseok." He smiles. "Thank you Hoseok" you smile. "I'm Y/N" you say introducing yourself. "No worries. You seemed uncomfortable, so I thought I'd help. Have a good night" he smiles. "Would you like to join me for a drink?" You ask. Hoseok smiles again as he nods his head, sitting now where the previous man had sat. "I'll just take a beer, whatever" Hoseok says to the bartender with a smile. "So Hoseok.. where are you from?" You ask. Five hours later, you and Hoseok are still at the bar, the conversation never stopping for a second. The moment one topic had finished, one of you had brought up a new one never leaving a lull in between. You had never had that with someone before. Your stomach hurt from laughing so hard, tears threatened to fall from your eyes with how much you had been smiling with him. Hoseok was like a breath of fresh air. Even though you had only known him for a short amount of time, you were already comfortable, more comfortable than when you had been with Kris for the first time for almost 5 years. As the night came to an end, Hoseok wanted so badly to kiss you. That was not something he ever did, or ever thought about doing but with you, all he wanted was to feel your lips on his. But not tonight. You were far too intoxicated and he would rather kiss you when you were sober. "What room are you in?" He chuckles as you try to stand. "213" you slur, your eyes closed. Hoseok gently lifts you into his arms, cradling you as he walks to the elevator to bring you up to your room. He opens your door with the key card you had been holding onto tightly in your hand. He gently tucks you into your bed, making sure to place some water and advil on your bedside table, along with a note telling you he is in the room across the hall and to knock if you needed anything. He leaned down, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead before walking out the door, but not before he heard you whisper a small 'thank you'. The next morning Hoseok is just relatively early. He enjoys a nice small breakfast before going out to the mountain and renting his snowboarding equipment. As he continues to go up the ski lift and down the hill, he can feel his worries and stresses and all negative energy leave his body. Despite only being there for a day, he already feels like a new man and he can't wait to see how he feels when the full week is up. Around 4pm, he finishes his last run of the day. Returning his equipment, he heads back to the resort to take a shower and find a place to go for dinner. As he walks towards his room, he notices you going to open your door. "Sleep well?" He asks, reaching for his key in his pocket. "Ah yes, hello Hoseok. I did, thank you for tucking me in" you say as you scrunch your face together, feeling rather ashamed of how much you drank. "No worries" he chuckles. "Listen, I was going to shower and then go get some dinner. Would you like to join me?" He asks, cocking his head to the side. Your heart skips a beat. "I'd love too. I'll go get ready" you smile. "I'll meet you downstairs around 6?" He suggests. "Sounds good." You say, trying to contain your squeals as you enter your room. ** You sit at a table in a nice restaurant with Hoseok, trying to drink your glass of wine but you can't. The two of you are like school girls as you giggle and laugh at the stories you tell eachother. Stories from each of your childhoods and up to now. As much fun as you're having, you can't help but feel like there is something Hoseok isn't telling you. "What is it?" You ask, taking a drink from your glass before setting it down and leaning partially across the table. "You're hiding something." Hoseok laughs awkwardly. "That noticeable?" He asks. You nod your head. What is it? Is he married? Engaged? Gay? "I.." he pauses. "I'm a singer. Famous in Korea and in other countries as well. I always get a little nervous because I never know if someone knows me and is using me or what" he admits. Oh. That wasn't nearly as bad as you thought. "Oh. I honestly had no idea. Tell me about it" you smile. Hoseok explains to you about his group, Monsta X, the members, his agency, their fans. And it all sounds fascinating but extremely tough. "That sounds amazing, but exhausting" you sigh. "It really is. Which is why I'm here. I needed to get away". He replies. "I get that. The getting away part." You say, taking another drink. "Why are you here?" He questions. "I was in a relationship for 5 years. He cheated, we broke up and then 6 months later we got back together after he begged me incessantly. So we had been back together for about a week and I came home to surprise him with this trip and he was fucking someone else.. in our bed. So I came by myself." You tell him as the memories of walking in on Kris again play through your head. "I'm sorry" Hoseok says. "You don't deserve that." "Thank you. So I told him he better be out by the time I get back. I was so stupid to think that he had changed" you say. The next few hours fly by. Hoseok pays the bill for dinner like the gentleman he is, and the two of you walk back to the resort with your arms linked, mostly because you had drank a little too much wine and the road was slippery. "Would you like to join me in the hottub?" You ask, as the two of you pass the vacant outdoor one outside the resort. "That sounds great. Let's go get changed." Hoseok smiles. "I'll be a few minutes, save me a seat" you say before closing your door to get your bathing suit on. Hoseok sits in the hottub, his head resting on the back as he looks up at the clear night sky. The stars are bursting, filling the sky with light. He sits up when he hears you approach the tub, you stand there with a robe on and a smile on your face. "Get in here, its cold" he says. You climb up the steps, and let your robe slide down your arms exposing your bikini. Hoseok's breath hitches as he watches the robe slide down over your curves, exposing your body that made him hard almost immediately. "Like what you see?" You laugh as you climb into the hot tub to sit beside him. "I do. Do I ever" he breathes. For a few minutes the two of you sit side by side, not saying a word or touching. "I want to kiss you" he says, turning his head to look at you. "Then kiss me" you whisper, now looking at him. Hoseok leans his head in closer to you, as you move into him. Your lips touch, gently before his hand comes up, moving around the back of your neck, pulling you into him. Turning your body, you move yourself to straddle Hoseok, feeling his erection pressing into you as you deepen the kiss while grinding yourself into him. Your hands move up and in throughout his hair as his hands slide down your body, before planting themselves on your ass, giving you a squeeze. Hoseok breaks the kiss, moving his lips to your neck instead, peppering kisses as you continue to grind your pussy on him, making his cock even harder. Before the two of you can go any further, you break apart quickly at the sound of laughter and chatter coming from around the corner. A group of people in their bathing suits coming to enjoy the hottub, the same one you almost got fucked in a few seconds ago. "Come on" Hoseok growls, grabbing your hand to help you from the tub. The two of you wrap yourselves in your towels, not caring about anything else and head back inside, rushing towards the elevator. You're both impatient as you wait for the elevator to ding, but when it does and the doors close, his lips are attached to you within seconds. His tongue slides in and out of your mouth as his hand reaches up, cupping your breast while a finger teases your already perky nipple. The elevator dings quickly on your floor, and Hoseok grabs your wrist again pulling you down the hallway to his room. He opens his door, pulling you inside and slamming it closed behind him. You stand in front of him, tearing your towel away from your body. Hoseok's eyes are trained on your body, wanting you desperately. You smirk as you reach behind you pulling the strings of your top to allow them to come undone and fall from your body to expose your breasts. Hoseok let's out a groan as he stares at your bare breasts. "You are so sexy" he groans, walking towards you to back you into the wall. "Mhm am I?" You smile. Hoseok leans in for a kiss but you deny him, instead you slide down the wall and onto your knees. You dig your fingertips into the waistband of his shorts, slowly pulling them down his body. Your mouth waters as his thick cock springs free from the confines of his shorts, his tip red and almost throbbing, the precum leaking from the tip. Moving your head in closer you lick his tip before putting him in your mouth. Hoseok groans at the feeling, throwing his head back in pleasure. Your tighten your mouth around his cock as you suck and pump him, his moans and groans making you enjoy this so much more. Your pussy is dripping at the thought of feeling him inside of you, stretching you out. When you finally can't take it any longer, you release his cock with a pop and stand back up to face him. "Please fuck me" you cry. "Are you sure?" He asks. You don't answer him. Instead you walk away, slip off your bottoms before crawling onto his bed on your hands and knees. You turn your head back to look at him. "Fuck me" you say again, giving your ass a small shake. Hoseok happily walks over to you, raising his hand to give you a smack on your ass before lining himself up with your dripping entrance. He spreads your legs even more with his knee as he thrusts himself inside of you, stretching you out like you knew he would. "Shit baby" he groans as he finally fully inserts himself inside of you. Hoseok slowly pulls himself out of you before gripping your hips, digging his fingertips into you before harshly thrusting himself back into you. "Your pussy feels so good around my cock" he moans. Hoseok's pace continues to quicken as his grip tightens on your hips, and continues to fuck you relentlessly. Hoseok moves one hand away from your hip and reaches down around to your front, pressing two fingers against your clit and beginning to rub. Hoseok moves his other arm to wrap around you from under your stomach making the two of you become closer. "Cum for me baby, cum all over my cock" he growls into your ear. Within a few seconds your orgasm explodes throughout your body, making you weak. "Fuck" you cry out, riding through your high. A few thrusts later, Hoseok pulls himself out of you, pumping his cock before cumming all over your back. Once he finishes, he runs to the bathroom to grab a cloth and wipe you down. "Stay the night?" Hoseok asks you with a tired smile on his face. Without even answering, you climb under the blankets to make yourself comfortable. The next few days you spent the entire time with Hoseok. He took you up the mountain to teach you how to snowboard, you wandered the city together, drank hot chocolate in front of the fire in the lobby, he also fingered you and made you came in front of the fire in the lobby. The time that you had spent together was the most amazing time you had ever had with anyone. You felt like Hoseok was someone who understood you even when you didn't seem to truly understand yourself, and you didn't want to let him go. The night before you were both due to leave, you lay in his bed curled up in his arms. "Come back to Korea with me" he says after a few minutes of silence. "You've said all week how theres nothing holding you back from going where you want, so come with me" You sit up, looking at him with a shocked face. "You'd really want that?" You question. "Of course. I've never felt happier than during this week with you." He smiles. "This was a vacation to remember, but I don't want our time together to end. So what do you say?" "I would love too" you smile. Hoseok excitedly plants a kiss on your lips before he wraps his large arms around you. Never in his life had he felt like this before, he felt like he could finally be happy and it was all thanks to you.

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