#spiderhead fic
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A/N: I'm officially on the fanfic train. It's going to be intense, so buckle in. Any feedback on my work would be much appreciated as well!
Masterlist
Disclaimer: Please read the warnings for this story. It is intense and touches on some very heavy subjects.
Summary: After being subjected to a nearly lethal dose of Darkenfloxx, Y/N is still feeling the side effects long past when they should've subsided. Jeff is there to help put her back together when she finally shatters and shares what happened.
WC: 2508
WARNINGS: Angst (like it's barely hurt/comfort... it's mostly just hurt), unethical testing of fictional drugs, mentions of sexual assault (nothing explicit but enough to be alarming), suicidal ideation, PTSD
An Unending Nightmare
Darkenfloxx was the worst drug the prisoners at Spiderhead could be exposed to. Every time, without fail, it forced the subject to relive their worst nightmares as though they were happening in that moment. For the most part, testing of Darkenfloxx was disbanded because the subjects became violent and may become a threat to others and themselves. That was until Y/N came along, and Steve Abnesti insisted on testing the horrid drug on someone convicted of a crime that they should never have been. Y/N had been assaulted on her way home from work one night and had killed her attacker before fleeing because he had threatened to follow her home and kill her if she didn’t continue to listen to him in that dark alleyway. When she was arrested, she pled not guilty but was still charged with involuntary manslaughter and sentenced to two years in prison. She’d applied for the Spiderhead program, knowing it should be objectively better than spending those years in a state penitentiary. For the most part, she was right. At least, she was until she had been tricked into trusting Steve Abnesti and sat in the uncomfortably bright white room used for testing.
“Alright, Y/N, this is your last test for the week. Permission to start drip?” Steve asks in his ever-charming voice without giving her any details on which drug she’d be testing that day since she was alone.
“Acknowledge,” she says without hesitation, unable to see the nod he’d given Mark nor the look of discomfort on Mark’s face as he administered the highest dose of Darkenfloxx he could without it being lethal. The effects were almost immediate. Y/N felt the creeping buzz of anxiety and panic prickle her skin before seeping deeper into her bones. It was the same feeling she’d had that night when she thought she was forced to take a life to be sure she could live. “I… Make it stop, please,” she began pleading as her surroundings shifted from the bright white room to the dimly lit alley she had always walked down to get home. The minutes started to feel like hours as she began hyperventilating, the feeling of that man’s hand taking up residence on her skin again. “Please make it stop,” she screams pleadingly, the vivid memory of her torn clothes and bruised body overtaking her reality at that moment. The Darkenfloxx wasn’t making her relive her crime, as it did with many of the others, because her worst memory was what had led up to her crime—hours' worth of events replayed in her head in a few short minutes.
Steve only gives Mark the okay to stop administering the Darkenfloxx when Y/N has begun to claw at the skin of her arms hard enough to draw blood. Unfortunately, the effects of the Darkenfloxx have not subsided as quickly as they came on, as Mark has to half carry her back to her room while everyone else is asleep so as not to arouse suspicion. Y/N can’t sleep that night, and she just sits on the floor of her private shower, fully clothed and with scalding hot water running all night.
How she doesn’t have any burns the next morning is a mystery, but she gets up and puts on a brave face. She is thankful that her long-sleeved shirts had come out of the wash the day before. She pulls on a black long-sleeve shirt with a pair of shorts to hide her scabbing arms from prying eyes, but there is no hiding the dark circles under her eyes.
Her movement is stiff and slow as she walks towards the kitchen to start her snack duties. She even takes her time pulling out what she needs for snack until she hears Jeff’s approaching footsteps. At that moment, she forces herself to move at her usual pace and put on a convincing enough smile. “Hey, Jeff,” she says, forcing herself to sound chipper as she usually does. Jeff doesn’t buy the fake tone.
“Hey, Y/N, you alright?” he asks softly, stepping beside her to help with the snacks.
“Yeah, I’m alright. I just didn’t sleep well last night, is all. They took me on a field trip yesterday, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.” She surprises herself with how easily the lie rolls off her tongue, but it is only a half lie because she couldn’t stop thinking about what she experienced the night before. She hasn’t even stopped feeling the effects of the Darkenfloxx yet. Her skin is still vibrating with panic even though she’s standing next to the only person in the entirety of Spiderhead who can make her feel safe. If he doesn’t believe her, he doesn’t say as much. Instead, he just accepts her words with a slight nod.
“Alright. Then let’s get snack done so we have some free time,” he says with a half smile, bumping her arm playfully. Y/N nods and forces a smile even though the contact brings her back into the flashbacks the Darkenfloxx had induced the night before.
Her breath catches in her chest in a way that is nearly excruciating, but she plays it off with a cough and a proclamation of “I’m alright, just inhaled wrong.” Jeff gives her a look of utter disbelief but makes no attempt to dispute her words. Instead, he lets her tell him nothing is bothering her, and they set to work making the snacks. It doesn’t take them any longer than expected to finish preparing the snacks or any longer than expected to hand them out. As soon as they finish handing out the snacks, Y/N collects the plates from Jeff. “I’m going to go wash these. You go enjoy some extra free time, and I’ll join you as soon as I’m done,” she murmurs, her voice trembling. She doesn’t wait for a response, and he doesn’t follow. He just stares after, feeling completely confused.
The next few days pass in the same manner, and the side effects of the Darkenfloxx do not subside. Steve and Mark constantly check up on her when everyone else is asleep, or they call her to the testing room just to ask her what she's feeling day after day. When a week and a half passed, Y/N had not managed more than three restless hours of sleep a night. She’s sitting in the blinding white of the testing room for a final debriefing to see if the effects of that high dose of Darkenfloxx had finally subsided: they did not.
“I’m so sorry you’re still feeling the effects of the Darkenfloxx, Y/N. Just for the sake of data, I need you to tell me one more time what you're feeling. We’re going to administer Verbaluce to help you express what you’re experiencing. Acknowledge?” Steve asks his tone kind and laced with what could only be described as forced concern. Not the Y/N knew that.
“Yeah, whatever, acknowledge,” she mutters, sinking deep in the chair as she waits for the effects of the Verbaluce to kick in. Once the drug kicks in, she can’t help but immediately start speaking everything on her mind. “It’s the worst feeling in the world, Steve. Everyone else that I know says they relive the crime they committed that got them here. I don’t. I relive the hours leading up to my crime on repeat. I can still feel the callouses on that man’s hands; I can hear the sound of my top tearing, and I can feel it pressing against my skin. I haven’t stopped reliving that moment since you administered the Darkenfloxx nearly two weeks ago,” she spouts loudly and sucks in a sharp breath as tears start to fill her eyes. “I’m so exhausted. I barely sleep anymore, and it isn’t restful when I manage to get a few hours. The only people I normally feel comfortable around make me jumpy now, and I know they’re confused and worried, but they never pressure me for answers. I don’t want to make them worry, but living every day like I’m still on the Darkenfloxx is getting to be too much. No one knows you’ve been hiding anything sharp every night so I don’t get to them. They don’t know that there's no longer anything I can tie clothes or bedding to in my room. Anything that I could’ve used to end this suffering has been ripped away from me. And you won’t give me anything to counteract the Darkenfloxx yet. Not Luvactin. Not Laffodil. I just need something so that I can sleep, or I need you to let me die,” she nearly screams, her voice hoarse and wavering as tears stream down her face. “Whatever you have to do, please just make it stop. I can’t live like this anymore.”
Mark pales at her words and quickly terminates the Verbaluce drip before standing up to escort her back to her room. “We can’t let this go on much longer, Steve. As soon as this week is over, we need to give her one of the other drugs that will bring an end to the effects of the Darkenfloxx. It was a mistake administering that high of a dosage, especially on someone that has a clear case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.” Steve nods in agreement, and Mark quickly takes Y/N back to her room. She spends the night staring at her ceiling, letting her tears fall until she’s physically incapable of crying anymore. The next day, she is late for snack duty for the first time, and she gives Jeff some unconvincing excuse that she can’t even remember. She disappears to an empty decompression room when they're done cleaning up. Primarily, the room is used for reading when the prisoners don’t want to read in the common area or the room.
That is the last straw for Jeff. He’s been biting his tongue for a week. A week of seeing the dark circles under her eyes grow and darken to an alarming extent. A week of seeing her eyes and cheeks puffy and red with tear stains down the sides of her face. A week of her jumping any time he touches her or gets too close when she can’t see him. A week of her wearing long sleeves that are clearly sticking to her arms. A week of her making up excuses to be alone. A week of her being brought to her room late, he wasn’t sleeping until he was sure that she was in the safety of her room. A week of her lying about what tests they’ve been doing because there is no way she went on four field trips in a week. He takes a deep breath and follows her into the decompression room, kneeling next to her. “Talk to me, sweetheart. I can’t help you if you keep bottling this up,” he says gently, making no move to reach out for her because reaching out had scared her a lot through the last week and a half. Those words are all it takes for the dam to burst, though, and Y/N dissolves into a sobbing mess as she moves closer to him.
He quickly shifts into a sitting position, Y/N settling between his legs as she buries her face into his chest and tightly grips his t-shirt in her fists. “Y/N,” he murmurs shakily, his heart breaking at the sight of her in such distress.
“It’s awful, Jeff. I want to die, and they’ve taken everything away that could help me die,” she sobs, and his heart shatters. He wraps his arms tightly around her, feeling her body tense in response, though she slowly relaxes against him over the next few minutes.
“Tell me what happened, Y/N. I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart. I’ll do whatever it takes to help you feel better,” he whispers, rubbing a hand up and down her back to soothe her. She stays quiet for at least 20 minutes after that, giving herself time to calm down before attempting to speak. Jeff doesn’t push her to talk. He simply gives her all the time she needs before she speaks.
“The first day I seemed off a week and a half ago,” she rasps, “I didn’t go on a field trip the night before. I was in the testing room. Darkenfloxx. They gave me the maximum dose they could without it being lethal.” Those words alone were enough to start a fire in Jeff’s veins. He’d been among those who tested Darkenfloxx in the initial trials, and he maintained that it made his blood feel like it was on fire and that it was like reliving his worst moment on repeat while the drip was on. Hearing that Y/N, the sweet girl who ended up at Spiderhead because she was imprisoned for defending herself, had been subjected to Darkenfloxx at that high of a dose makes Jeff want to march right up to Steve Abnesti and tear him a new one. He doesn’t, though. He knows picking a fight will only extend his sentence, and it won’t help the girl falling apart in his embrace. Just when he thinks he can’t hurt for her any further, she tells him every detail of what she has been reliving, and it grinds the pieces of his already shattered heart into dust.
“I’m right here. I’ve got you. You’re safe. I’ll protect you,” he murmurs repeatedly, kissing her temple gently. “You’re safe, sweetheart. I’ve got you. Whatever you need. I’m right here,” he promises.
“I’m so tired, Jeff,” she whispers into the damp fabric of his shirt. I just want to sleep,” she murmurs, her voice already slowing as she starts drifting off against his chest. Even though she’s still on edge and terrified, Jeff’s sturdy frame and the smell of his soap on his skin soothe her and lull her to sleep for the first time in nearly two weeks.
“Sleep, sweetheart. I’ll be right here when you wake up. If you have nightmares, I’ll be right here to comfort you until you can go back to sleep. I promise. Just try and rest sweetheart,” he murmurs as she drifts the rest of the way into the welcoming embrace of sleep. Jeff stays true to his word even though he moves them back to her room after an hour, wanting to ensure she is as comfortable as possible. Steve doesn’t even interfere as he usually would. He simply notes how Jeff and Y/N interact and stores that information for later use. For the first time since she was given the Darkenfloxx, Y/N sleeps almost through the night and is lulled back to sleep by Jeff following an intense nightmare. She’s not back to normal, but she’s less jumpy, and Jeff is glued to her side every moment he can be. He plans to stay there until he’s sure that she is okay again.
Taglist: @milestellersimp
#spiderhead#jeff fic#angst#hurt/comfort#Spiderhead fic#Spiderhead fanfiction#miles teller#miles teller fanfiction#miles teller fic#movie#movie fanfiction
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Spiderhead fics for Jeff x Reader?
My new obsession with Miles Teller led me to watch Spiderhead this morning. The movie is rife with interesting concepts to explore in a fic, especially the reader insert type.
Is there an audience for this? Are there existing fics?
#Miles Teller is really testing the limits of what I find attractive with the mustache in top gun and a mullet in this movie#no shade to Chris Hemsworth but he does zero for me#he's pretty like a painting but that's it#spiderhead#miles teller#jeff spiderhead#spiderhead fic
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HIIIII. DID ANYONE ORDER SOME BEN AND TARA CONTENT?? This won a poll like eons ago but I finally finished it!!! Just a little silly thing. Content warning for some language and a little spat with some meanies. I had his BR: SPIDERMAN design in mind :3c
Five years on the West Coast was nowhere near enough to make Tara feel homesick. She didn't jump at the opportunity to come back to New York, coming back to it left a bad taste in her mouth, but she could admit, the city had a charm to it when it was seen at night.
Her watch read twenty after ten. Her precious boyfriend was nowhere to be seen, like most nights. But something didn't sit right in her brain, and Tara was smart enough to trust her mind. Ben promised he'd be back by nine. So where the heck was he?
Tara in her signature red was illuminated by street lamps as she walked her way over to the Daily Grind, the place Ben was working at. It wasn't too far from their apartment, she was glad for that. She didn't have a clue where he could be, but surely the Grind would be a decent place to start? They had good coffee, anyway. What time did they close? Maybe she could get some before then.
Her ears picked up on something. Footsteps, the soft sound of crackling gravel.
Tara tried to focus in on them without daring a look behind her. One set of feet, no, maybe two. They came out of nowhere, when did they start to follow her?
Coffee could wait. She made an extra turn she didn't need. Then one more, checking to see if she was being trailed, or if her paranoia was getting the best of her. And as her luck would have it, she was right.
As always the brunette's feet are moving before her own brain does. Always her downfall. She turns around on her heel, looking back at the men tailing her with an unamused look. She has her hands on her hips, subconsciously puffing out her chest to appear more imposing. It doesn't work, of course. There's two of them. Even the scrawny one was still a head taller than her. The other guy was stronger than the first. They both wore baggy clothes, the hands on the bigger one were hiding in his hoodie pocket. A sure place to be keeping something.
"Can I help you boys?" Tara asked keeping calm.
The smaller one's smile was all teeth, and Tara was sure then that she wasn't going to trust them. His voice as he spoke was whiney and irritating, grating on her ears like nails on a chalkboard.
"Me an' my friend here are strapped f'r cash! We jus' need a couple bucks for a bottle of liquor at the shop around the bend."
Tara hesitated for a moment. The answer sounded genuine. Slowly, she responded. "...Sorry, would love to help, but I don't have anything to give you."
"Oh, we weren't askin'."
Figures she was right, curse the bleeding heart. Always trust your gut, that's what she always told herself.
Her eyes flickered to the bulkier man and the item he pulled out of his hoodie pocket that reflected the light of the street lamp behind Tara- a knife, of course it was a knife -then they traveled back to the shorter one, that smile from before the same, although somehow even more menacing. "We're just lookin' for the wallet, nothing else, and you're free to leave."
Tara stood her ground. "I told you, I don't even have my wallet. I just came out here looking for someone."
The blond cooed, "Couldn't find 'em, huh? Well, don't worry! We'll keep you safe, sugar!"
Tara's collar was violently yanked forward; she tripped over her feet, forced on her toe tips by her assailant. Her nose was pressed to his, she could smell the stale alcohol on his breath, and it made her stomach turn. "But it's gonna cost ya."
Now the blond holding her had the knife, and he was tracing the side of her cheek with the back of the blade. Instinctively, she tilted her head as far away as she could. It wasn't much. Her assailant could still easily cut open her face if she wasn't careful. "Our protection ain't free, so if you don't have a wallet, then we're jus' gonna have to use somethin' else."
Tara could fight. Maybe not win, but she could book it and race to somewhere safe before they knew what hit them. Scenes like this weren't unfamiliar. A quick kick between the legs was helpful enough. But that second guy... He was a problem. If he got a hand on Tara, it looked like he was strong enough to break her little noodle arm with just a flex. He was strong, but maybe she was faster. The Grind was probably closed by now, the apartment was still a couple blocks away. She'd lived in NYC before, but never the queens side. Tara couldn't think of anywhere else to go!..
A noise got her attention. A solid Thwump! of meat hitting the ground roughly. The blond holding Tara looked away for a split second, from over his shoulder she saw his accomplice in the road, unconscious.
"The fuck?"
He's barely allowed to finish before a glass bottle is thrown at his head. He drops Tara on the ground, folding into himself, cursing in pain, but he was still awake. He swung around violently, threatening open air with his knife, eyes flailing looking for whoever attacked him as Tara stumbled backwards and away, eyes glued to what was happening. Instinct told her to book it, but the show was too extreme. She wanted to see just what the hell was happening.
The thief kept cursing. Taunting whatever threat he was facing. That was when the hero showed himself, jumping out from the shadows of an alley to Tara's left, wailing on the blond with a clean sucker punch to his jaw, taking him out easily. The thief didn't stand a chance; the guy in scarlet red towered over the weasel, clearly just as strong as his unconscious friend, with coursing muscles stretching against a skin tight suit. It wasn't a bad sight. Not bad at all.
He was breathing heavy, he didn't make a move while he stood towering over the two lumps in the road. Even when Tara stood up, running over to the man known as Spiderman, he didn't so much as flinch when she threw her arms over his shoulders, her body melting against his in a half-assed hug.
"Oh, thank you, Spiderman! Surely, I would be a goner without your help!"
His head slowly turns to the side. Tara can't meet his eyes due to the mask, but she can feel his soft irritation and the skepticism underneath it all. "Don't tell me you came out here just to get my attention by getting yourself in trouble." He finally spoke.
"Of course not! I'm out here looking for someone, actually." The Spider begun to walk off, Tara followed close by. He was returning to the same alleyway he made his entrance from. "Maybe you'd know him? About yey-tall, blond hair. The most beautiful brown eyes."
"Not ringing a bell." She could hear the smirk in his voice.
Tara sighed, "That's a shame. Well, he's my BOYFRIEND, actually. And he PROMISED me he'd be back home at nine."
"Uh-huh." He made it to one side of the alley, twisting to rest his back against the brick. He crossed his arms over the spider symbol on his chest, listening to the civilian continue talking. "But, y'know. It's 10PM, and he's still not home. So he's broke his promise, and he's in very big trouble."
"How scary." Spiderman teased, and Tara frowned.
He suddenly jumped, using his superior strength and his climbing abilities to scale the wall opposite before Tara even realized. She let out a yelp of surprise, twisting her neck to watch him escape out of sight. "Hey– wait! I haven't even given you a proper "thank you", yet!"
"No need. It's my job to help."
It was like talking to a brick wall. Well, literally speaking, Tara was. His red suit was out of sight. Despite that, the brunette kept talking with the hero. "Aw, come on, you saved my life! I have to give you something in return!"
On the rooftop, the spider paused. He looked down at the tiny figure, still staring up, looking for him with wide eyes. Shaking his head, he uses his web fluid to gently lower himself yet again. He's upside down, her lips are level with his. He has ideas in mind, swinging like a mobile in a baby's crib, but he doesn't keep them all in mind for long. Instead he's asking the civilian; "What kind of something?"
She has a playful smile on her lips, the same smile he's fallen for time and time again, and he'll keep doing it. She comes a little closer, speaking easily. Her voice was sweet on his ear. "Oh, y'know, that kind of something all the superheroes want," Tara's fingers graze his mask, it takes everything in Ben not to shudder with delight. He loves her touch, loves feeling her tease his skin, but he can't show it yet. He's having too much fun.
She peels the mask down and up his face, allowing Tara to see the soft stubble around the hero's lips and freeing his nose with it. His lips are parted just a little bit, tempting her to break character too soon.
"And what about that boyfriend of yours, hmm?" He asks, not daring to look away from Tara for more than a second. It seems like any time he does, she always finds herself in trouble. A thief, purse snatcher, goddamn Kaine himself. "I'm sure he wouldn't want you acting like this around other men, would he?"
"I'm sure he wouldn't mind." Her thumb ghosts against lips, and he almost breaks. "Would you, Hun?"
Instead of responding, Ben's answer is a kiss. Finally. Thank God, he praises in his mind. Her hands move to cup his head in a gentle caress, pressing him closer as she opens her mouth to him. It's either her lips or the blood rushing to his head, Ben begins to feel dizzier the longer he stays like this. And every second is worth it.
His hands mirror her's; his mask spares him the horror of tussled hair, but Tara isn't as lucky. His fingers dig into her soft tresses, tugging at it. The both of them keep trying to press themselves closer to the other, but it's never enough.
Their lips part with a loud, cartoonish "smack". They're both lost for breath, using each other as leverage so neither falls. Tara dissolves into a fit of giggles, and Ben loves the sound of it.
He asked her, "You come out here, almost get mugged, and this is how you react?"
"Hey! I wouldn't be out here if YOU kept your promise. It's past ten, you said you were done for the day." Without the mask hiding the bottom half of his face, the brunette saw the easy smirk he wore. Listening to her speak, Ben was easily unhooked from his hanging web and standing on his two feet. He takes off the rest of his mask, allowing Tara to see the dyed blond hair, and those pretty brown eyes that she loved so much.
He encapsulates her in a hug, burrowing his nose in her neck. "'m sorry, baby. The whole late night vigilante routine comes with the suit, you know. It's my job. Can you forgive me?"
"I can manage it." Tara kissed the side of his head, enjoying the moment. "How's it hanging, anyway? Anything fun happen tonight?"
"Besides saving my own girlfriend from some street thugs..? Honestly, it's been nice. I guess everyone in the city decided to take the night off." Tara couldn't fight off that small shimmer of hope she felt in her chest. "Does that mean, maybe you can..?"
"Mh-hm." He smiled, pecking her cheek. "Time to clock out." The mask is pulled back on, his hand slides down to Tara's waist, walking her out of the alley. "Excited to have Thee Spiderman walk you home, sweetness?"
"I had a better idea; wanna swing home instead?"
"Not a bad one. You think you can handle it?"
"Obviously."
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My random Tom and Miles character pairings continue as I start a multi chapter fic about Vincent from Collateral and Jeff from Spiderhead
So I’ll find what lies beneath; your sick, twisted smile
Jeff is a volunteer inmate at Spiderhead.
Vincent is a dangerous fucking bastard.
What happens when one of the drug experiments they agree to leads to them fucking, Jeff having a crisis about who he is, and Vincent for once deciding to keep someone alive rather than kill them?
If you fancy giving it a chance, please read it. Comments and reblogs would be appreciated as id love for more than one person to read it 🥹💜
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Pairing: Bill Hazeldine/Steve Abnesti
Summary:
"I-I'm sorry, Mr. Abnesti.. I don't know why.. I-It's never happened before-", Bill stammered, his face beet red and confused.
The doctor knew he shouldn't do this, but then again, no one has practically begged Steve to corrupt them as much as this boy.
"Hazeldine", began the American, looking right into his dilated eyes through his gold-framed glasses, "do you fancy me?"
Alt moodboard (w/o quote):
#steve abnesti#Spiderhead#Bill Hazeldine#Hiddlesworth#My fics#Bill Hazeldine fanfiction#Suburban Shootout#Tom Hiddleston#Chris Hemsworth#Spiderhead Netflix
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In Too Deep- Chapter Three
Title: THREE MONTHS LATER
Warnings: a sprinkle of profanity, mentions of sociopathic behaviour, depression, anxiety, forced drug use, child abandonment.
Do not proceed if any of these things even remotely trigger you. Read with caution. This fic does -and will- contain dark and troubling themes.
Tagging: @tragiclyhip, @youflickedtooharddamnit, @secretaryunpaid, @residentdormouse, @ninjasawakenedmystar, @presidentlokis-hornyhelmet, @starryeyes2000, @munstysmind, @mostly-marvel-musings, @arrthurpendragon, @ocappreciationtag, @occommunity
Tag list is: OPEN
Link to AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41822868/chapters/106769604
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS, USA
The restaurant sits in the heart of the south side of the city; a quaint Italian place known for its homemade gelato and cannolis and award winning pasta dishes. And they opt to sit on the patio; a table for two tucked away from other diners. Things to discuss that don’t need to be overheard; personal struggles and mental health issues and the battles with the monsters that Spiderhead have left behind.
“It’s kind of all sinking in now, don’t you think?” Mark settles into the chair across from her, nodding his thanks to the waitress that lays cutlery, menus , and pitcher of ice water on the table and then quickly departs. “How real this all is. The fact that you actually have a human being inside of you.”
“A little too real if you ask me.”
Maizie’s mind wanders to that black and white photo that sits in her purse; a screenshot taken of the barely three month old fetus that continues to thrive and grow inside of her. Throughout the entire twenty minute exam, she’d only glanced at the screen once; curiosity getting the better of her when the technician pointed out the heart beat. It hadn’t been for lack of caring or interest; the life inside of her the only thing left to remember the last time she’d felt alive. But it’s the pain that accompanies the reality of her situation; a profound mixture of emotions that range from overwhelming grief to intense rage.
This isn’t the life she expected; a single mother ostracized from family and friends and mourning the loss of only the second man she’s ever loved. A love quite unlike the first she’d experienced; when she’d been a teenage girl smitten with her high school sweetheart and had truly believed he was her ‘be all and end all’. Marrying while they were still in college; young and inexperienced and not knowing a life that existed outside of each other. Ben had been a good man; beautiful and sweet and immensely talented and brilliant. Loyal and faithful and determined to be the best husband he could possibly be; longing to be an excellent provider and protector and to one day become father. Their story had been one of young love; both inexperienced in the ways of committed relationships and the hard work it took to keep things going. Neither ever having spent time with another lover; forming an intimate bond based solely on the knowledge of one another’s bodies and no experiences to draw comparisons on. It had been a comfortable love above all else; two people that had known each other since they were fourteen years old and had seen one another grow both physically and emotionally. Often seeming more like old friends as opposed to spouses and soul mates.
The second had been an intense and powerful love; one that routinely takes your breath away and has the capacity to bring you to your knees. So all encompassing and overwhelming that it lives up to the old adage of ‘love is blind’; a sexual and intellectual connection that os so strong it enables you to see past all of their faults. Desperately holding on to every good moment despite them being overshadowed by the bad; convinced you can somehow change them if you’re just given a little more time and they practice a little more patience and tolerance.
The entire thing had been toxic in so many ways. Two people suffering from tragic events in their past; abandonment issues that left them often fearful and distrusting of the outside world and unable to form healthy relationships or respect the boundaries of others. Quickly and easily becoming codependent; needing their ‘fix’ of one another in order to get themselves through another day. Possessing a lustful and desperate yearning unlike anything either have ever experienced; using one another’s bodies as forms of both pleasure and escape.
It had been dangerous love; turning a normally smart and cautious woman into a neurotic and possessive mess. Somehow able to see past his glaring narcissistic tendencies; becoming both complacent and complicit to his sociopathic behaviour and the clear disregard for the feelings and needs of others. She believed that he DID love her; in his own unique and unhealthy way. And she hated those nights when he’d shun her or turn her away; finding fault in something she’d said or done and needing to punish her for it. Let her ‘know her place’ for even thinking of challenging or questioning him. And she’d lie awake for hours ; wondering whether or not she was -or could ever be- enough for him.
Logically she’d known the entire thing was a disaster; he would -and could- never love, adore, and worship her in the way she wanted him to. He had expressed the desire to be that person for her; successfully weaning himself off the incredibly high doses of Luvactin and admitting to feeling ‘something’ without its influence. He couldn’t explain exactly what he was experiencing; not even with the help of Verbaluce. But he had assured her that he did feel those things for her, and he wanted to be with her; explore their chance at a future and even start a family IF he could ever be satisfied with putting his work second.
He’d been willing to do so; declaring that even if he couldn’t genuinely feel the depth of love she expected him to, he could learn how to express and ‘act’ the part. And while that admitting had left her feeling disheartened, she’d been unwilling to pull the plug; she could learn to accept him for who he was and not who she expected him to be. Isn’t that what love was about, after all? Accepting someone ‘as is’ and not forcing them to change and become an entirely different person? Surely others had and were going through the same thing; sharing a life with someone that was emotionally absent and couldn’t fulfil every single one of their needs. She could live with him loving in his own way; he could study the relationships of those around him and learn how to mimic their reactions and repeat their words. That could be enough. Couldn’t it?
It had all been so dark and troubling; the realization that she could ever fall in love and stay in love with someone like him. That she’d been so willing to sacrifice her morals and her own needs and desires just to have him in her life. Even when things started to unravel professionally speaking, she’d been unable to break away; Aiding and abetting his experiments on others and justifying it all with the promise that he’d given her the day he’d offered her the job. Enamoured by the chance at being part of something bigger and better and the possibility of having a hand in healing and changing the world. She’d been unable to leave; instead encouraging and enabling his behaviour and allowing it to not only continue, but thrive. She loved him after all; the first person to truly make her feel alive since her husband’s death. Someone who was willing to look past all of her faults and her painful past and give her the opportunity of a lifetime in many ways. A dream career while being made to feel beautiful and wanted and needed.
******
“The offer still stands, you know,” Mark says, as he fills their waiting glasses with water. “About Cam and I taking the baby. Just for a little while. Until you sort things out. In your head.”
“I don’t think there’s a reason to resort to anything that drastic.” She lifts her drink to her lips and then pauses before taking a sip; eyes narrow in suspicion. “Do YOU?”
“I know you’re having a tough time. Coming to terms with it. It’s not like it happened under the best of circumstances with the best person. No wonder it’s really thrown you for a loop. And you’ve been dealing with a lot. Having a harder time accepting things than I am.”
The fallout from Spiderhead had been immediate and enormous. Someone had to be held responsible and punished for the crimes committed, and they’d been the ones to completely bear the brunt in Steve’s absence. The moment the sordid details of what had transpired behind the penitentiary’s closed doors surfaced, devastated family and friends had been quick to sever all ties. While it had been common societal knowledge that drug experiments were being performed on willing participants, no one had expected the often nightmarish results. To the outside looking in, Spiderhead had been a utopia; no bars or guards, inmates allowed to roam freely and socialize, activities provided to ward off boredom, and a menu that rivalled many a five star restaurant. Many times they’d heard that the prisoners were being treated TOO well; given luxuries and responsibilities that hard working FREE citizens didn’t get to partake in. But what went on inside had been another story all together; a twisted and wicked web of lies and manipulation all in the name of control.
But it had been real events surrounding Heather’s death that had been the ultimate nail in the coffin; their testimony under oath completely destroying Steve’s lies to her mother and siblings that it had been a suicide. And because they hadn’t come forward with the truth and instead -with silence- backed up his claims, they were named as co-conspirators; quickly shamed and villainized in both the media and the courts. In the end only escaping jail time of their own because Jeff and Lizzie had testified on their behalf; understanding that they'd been lured by free pretences and then acted purely under duress. They didn’t want them to be severely punished; not for someone else’s deceit and misdoings.
“Things turned out a little better for you,” Maizie reminds her friend. “You were allowed to go back to work. You got another job in your field. I don’t get my nursing licence back for FIVE YEARS, Mark. I think that would bum anyone out.”
“But it turned out okay, right? I mean, you’re not wanting for anything. You’ve been getting that money. Every month. If you hadn’t found out about that AND had your licence taken away…”
It began only a week after the shuttering of Spiderhead; starting with an email claiming to be the executor of Steve’s estate who had found her contact information when going through some of Steve’s personal effects. Her new address in Chicago then tracked down through her own attorney; a courier showing up just days later with a note from an offshore lawyer in charge of diving assets. As per Steve’s instructions, a sizeable chunk of money had already been donated to charitable organizations favouring children; the rest was to be disturbed to her. An initial payment of over a hundred grand followed by generous monthly deposits. She was to be taken care of, he had stressed; the one person who’d looked past his faults and eccentricities and had banished his loneliness. Perhaps he couldn’t love her the way she wanted him to, but he could show it in other ways; wanting her comfortable and secure in his absence.
“Money is good. Money is ALWAYS good. But believe me, I’d much rather be working than getting that money. Because if I was working…well…” Sighing, she drums her fingernails against the side of her water glass. The tears always seem to be there; every time she thinks of him or tries to speak of their time together. It had been far from a utopia, but it hadn’t been that horrible either; they’d shared a lot of quiet and affectionate moments and long, deep conversations behind closed doors. “...I can’t help but think of the alternative.”
“Look, I’m not going to pretend I understand why you’re still stuck in this deep, dark mourning process. Or who you’re stuck in it over. But…”
“A little harsh there, Mark. Don’t you think?”
“I think that it’s misguided and foolish and…”
“My life just didn’t fall apart professionally speaking. I lost someone. That I loved. That I STILL love.”
“I think if you really sat down and thought about what you felt for him, you’d realize that…”
“I know you were against it. Right from the start. When you figured out that something was going on between us. I know that you didn’t feel it was a good fit and that things were going to end up being a complete and utter disaster and…”
“And that’s exactly what happened. And it’s not that I was against it. I just felt you were jumping into things. That maybe you’d been lonely for so long that…”
“How many times are we going to have this conversation? You didn’t like us together. You thought it was a horrible decision; getting involved with Steve. And maybe you don’t understand why I felt…FEEL..the things I do, but they make sense to me.”
Mark arches an eyebrow. “They do?”
“You didn’t know Steve.”
“I didn’t know him? I worked with him…for him…for two years. I think I knew him pretty well. And you know what else I think? I think you don’t need to be reminded about just how screwed up he really was. Look what he was doing. At Spiderhead. Everything was for his own benefit. His own gain. It might have started out with somewhat rational expectations, but…”
“We went along with it, Mark. Even when things went right off the rails. It’s not like we fought back. We didn’t stand up for ourselves or for everyone else. We just let it go on. At some point you must have realized the whole ‘save the world’ bullshit was just that.”
“Not until it was too late. Not until…”
“We crossed a lot of lines. Way before Heather ever killed herself. We might not have played as big of a part in it all, but we stayed played a part. We had every opportunity to walk away. And we never did. For whatever reason.”
“There’s too few geniuses in the world. It was a dream job. Until it wasn’t anymore. Until it became a total nightmare. I wanted to work with someone like that. You wanted to sleep with them.”
“Oh please…” Giving a derisive snort, she sips at her ice water. “It’s not like I took the job because that was my primary motive. To sleep with the boss. And it was way more than that, okay? It wasn’t just sex. Far from it. Steve and I…”
“I just don’t get it. Of all the men in the world, why him? Why someone LIKE him? You could have anyone you want. Why did you pick him? Because he was the first person to show interest after Ben? Because he made you feel a little less lonely? Because he was rich and good looking and powerful and…”
“Those last three had nothing to do with it. Okay, maybe good looking WAS part of things…”
Mark smirks.
“But it wasn’t everything. Steve and I…I don’t know…I can’t explain it. I can’t sit here and tell you exactly when I felt it or WHAT I felt. I just knew that he was different. He was smart and well spoken and so calm and poised and…”
“Because he was always high on stuff. Because he was never acting like himself. His REAL self. You deserved better than that. Better than HIM.”
“Maybe I did. Maybe I do. But I DID love him,” she stresses. “I DO love him. And I don’t expect you to understand it. Or even sympathize. And you might have known ‘work Steve’ but I knew an entirely different side of him. One that he didn’t show too many people. Or ever got the chance to.”
“Okay, I’ll bite. What side? What was different about it?”
“A lot of things. He was funny and sweet and he was always so gentle and patient with me. I brought my own messiness to things, and he never held it against me. When I got into a mood or I tried pushing him away, he didn’t take it personally. He knew what I was doing. And he wouldn’t let me do it. He didn’t just wash his hands of me and walk away. He made me feel like I was worth it. That I was worth fighting for . He was the first person that ever made me feel that way. And he was the first person after Ben to make me realize that I was still alive. That I may have lost a lot, but I still had a lot to give.”
“You want me to believe all that? This is Steve we’re talking about. He was unhinged and controlling and possessive and crazy as fuck. He was…”
“A sociopath. Yes, I know. I’m a nurse, Mark. I did rounds in the psych ward. I know what he was. But I also knew what he had the chance to be. And if we’d just had a little more time…”
“They don’t change, Maize. They don’t wake up one morning and they’re healed. It doesn’t work that way. He wasn’t going to get out of bed one day and be a totally different person. Yeah, you ARE a nurse. You know none of that is possible.”
“Nothing is ever impossible. If we’d just had more time and I’d been able to get through to him…”
“It wouldn’t have mattered how long you’d been together. It wouldn’t have mattered how long and how hard you loved him for. He wasn’t going to change. He was always going to be Steve. Maybe for a little while, he could fake it. He could be everything you wanted him to be. Say everything you wanted him to say. But it all would have been bullshit. And in the end he still would have been the same person and you would have gotten hurt and…”
“You don’t know that.”
“I DO know that. And deep down, so do you. And like I said, I don’t pretend to understand why you loved him or why you’re mourning the way you are. I will NEVER understand it. But you’re my friend. My BEST FRIEND. We got out of that place by sticking together. I’m not planning on going anywhere. So if you’re hoping to ditch me…”
“Of course not. I wouldn’t dream of ditching you. I just…” Sighing, she chews pensively on her bottom lip. “...I just wish there’d been more time. Not more time for things at Spiderhead to continue. That was all way out of hand and it needed to stop and we did what we needed to do. But if we’d just had more time together…”
“While he was in jail? Because that’s where he would have ended up. If he’d survived. In jail.”
“But he didn’t.” She struggles to hold back the flood of threatening tears; hating the intensity of emotions that still haunt her. There’s never telling when they’ll tire of being held back; innocent moments and seemingly innocuous comments able to cause a breakdown. And she feels anxious and ashamed; aware of the other diners that intently watch her and whisper to their companions. “I know you don’t get it. Why I’m taking this all so hard. And part of me doesn’t understand it, either. But I lost someone, Mark. Someone I loved. And maybe that love didn’t make sense to you and maybe it would have turned out to be an epic disaster. But for a moment he was mine and I was his and everything seemed right.”
“I’m not trying to hurt you, Maize. I know it seems like I’m being harsh and…”
“Seems like it? You ARE being harsh. I know you have a huge hate on for Steve and you didn’t want us together, but man….”
“You were going to get hurt. Maybe it would have been okay for a month or two. Maybe it even would have been okay for a couple years. But eventually you would have gotten tired of living that way. Of never knowing if he was being genuine or not. He wasn’t capable of loving you. Not in the way you wanted him to. Or the way you deserved to be. Can you honestly tell me that would have been enough for you? That you could have taken him ‘as is’ and just dealt with it? For the rest of your life.”
“I would have learned how to. It would have been hard at first and I’m sure there would have been many times I wondered what the hell I was doing and why I was even doing it. It would have become familiar. Comfortable. It would have been our normal. It would have…”
“Normal?! What was normal about any of it? It wasn’t like he was just a bit odd and did some weird shit that you’ve had to learn how to look past. There was nothing normal. Steve wasn’t normal. Are you listening to yourself? Do you hear the things you’re saying?”
“I could have lived with it, Mark. I could have lived with HIM. He loved me. In his own way. And I would have learned how to deal with it and been accepting of it. But I didn’t get that chance, did I? I didn’t get a single second with him outside of Spiderhead. Aside from the occasional weekend on the mainland. You weren’t there. Behind closed doors. You didn’t know him like I did. You didn’t get to see those other parts of him.”
“Nothing could have made the bad side tolerable. You can’t tell me you would have been happy living like that. I know you think I’m overreacting. Or that I’m being way too harsh. But everything I’m saying is the truth. You deserved better than what he could ever give you. You deserved better than HIM.”
“Look, I appreciate you looking for me. Just like I appreciated it at Spiderhead. When we were there, you ALWAYS had my back and supported my decisions. And you always stuck by my side; even when I challenged Steve on things he was doing.”
“You know…” A grin tugs at the corners of Mark’s mouth. “...you were the only one who could ever do that. Stand up to him. At least successfully. A few times I thought for sure I’d come in the next day and you’d be gone. That you’d piss him off just enough to get the axe.”
“Steve never would have gotten rid of me. He liked having me around too much. He once said that he liked how I made think; maybe even a little too much at times. I think deep down he enjoyed it; a woman refusing to back down and not afraid to put him in his place.”
“You definitely could get away with things no one else could. Mind you, considering there’s a baby in you, it’s safe to say why he let you push the envelope. Must have been treating him pretty good. Behind closed doors.”
“I don’t think he had any complaints. At least not ones he brought up. When things were good, they were really, really, REALLY good. It was like nothing else existed outside the two of us; we could be exactly who we were meant to be. We could shut ourselves away from the outside world and just be Maizie and Steve. And he WAS different. He was thoughtful and sweet and was always trying to make me smile or laugh. He was attentive and patient and he was fun to be around. And maybe it was because he assumed that’s what men are like in relationships; he was merely giving me what he believed were realistic expectations. But it was good. It FELT good. It felt right.”
“And how would it have felt when it all came crashing down? When he got tired of playing a role? It wouldn’t have been pretty. And you know it.”
“I would have crossed that bridge when I got to it. Steve and I could have made things work. I KNOW we could have. But we never even got the opportunity. And now…”
Her voice once more trails off and her hands come to rest on either side of her stomach. She’d noticed it this morning; when she’d stepped out of the shower and caught a glimpse of herself in the full-length mirror on the back of the bathroom door. A slight roundness that hadn’t been there before; the evidence of the life growing inside of her. And while easily hidden by her clothes, eventually it will be noticeable to everyone who glances her way; she’ll be unable to escape the congratulatory smiles and comments and the curious questions about when she’s due and what she’s having. And it’s all so bittersweet; having to go through the entire process alone and not having a partner to share the excitement and the nervousness with. And she’s both happy and terrified at the same time; excited at the prospect of being a mother, yet worried about the painful memories and loneliness and longing that her baby will bring about.
“Just remember, you’re not in this alone,” Mark reminds her; his tone transitioning from harsh and scolding to soft and reassuring. “Cam and I will be there. Every step of the way. Whatever you need, whenever you need it. And if you feel you’re not ready and you need us to take the baby for a bit…”
“I am not giving my baby away. Not even to you. Not even temporarily. I’ll be fine. I’ ve got six and a half months to go, and by the time they’re ready to be evicted, I’m sure I’ll feel a lot better about things. But right now? Right now it’s tough. REALLY tough. And I know you don’t understand why I’m so sad and why I miss him as much as I do, but at least give me the space to feel the things I do, okay? I have a right to feel them.”
“You do,” Mark agrees. “And I’m sorry; if I was too heavy handed. I just want you to realize you’re worth more than that. More than what he could give you. You deserved better. So much better. And one day, you’ll realize that too.”
“Maybe I will. But right now? Right now I miss him. A lot. And I wish he was here. I have his baby inside of me, Mark. I know you hate him. And you have every right to. But I AM carrying his child. And you talking about him like you are? It’s not making any of this any easier on me.”
Mark holds his hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry. I’ll stop. But you know how much he gets to me; everything he put us through and everything he did to people. Once you start talking about him, it just sets me off. I don’t do it to upset you.”
“I know you don’t. But I am going through some real shit. I’m constantly nauseous and I’m not sleeping properly and I’m stressing out over everything under the sun. I’m hoping it’s just hormones. Some women just have a lot more than others and completely suffer from day one and keep suffering right until the bitter end . Others only go through hell the first trimester. I’m hoping I’m the latter.”
“I hope you’d take what I’m about to ask the wrong way, but…”
“Oh god, Mark. What now? How much more do I need to say? You’re not going to understand. Why I fell in love with Steve. Why I’m still in love with him. Why I can’t get over him. So…”
“No. It wasn’t anything like that. It was about the baby, actually.”
“Okay…”
“Do you think it’s hereditary? Sociopathy? It’s a mental illness, right? It’s something wrong in the brain. And I’ve looked into it a little bit and doctors are at odds at whether or not it can be passed down. Do you think it is? Do you think the baby could be the same way?”
“I can not believe you’d even ask me that. The baby isn’t even born yet. I have almost seven months to go. And you’re already worrying they’re going to be like their father? What the hell, Mark?”
“You have to admit that it’s concerning. That they could start showing signs of being that way. There’s well known cases; kids in grade school doing some pretty messed up shit and raising all kinds of alarms. You haven’t thought about that? That it could happen?”
“No. I haven’t. And you want to know why? Because I’ve been too busy worrying about whether my baby is going to be healthy or not. I just want to get them safely into the world. I can worry about anything else that might crop up AFTER they’re born. I can’t believe you’d even think about that, let alone say it.”
“I was just curious. How you would deal with it. If they DID turn out to be like him. It’s kind of sad, don’t you think? That it’s a possibility?”
“There’s also a possibility that they’ll end up being a genius. Hate him all you want, but he WAS a genius, Mark. He was insanely intelligent. And if that’s the part that my baby inherits from his father, I’ll be grateful. If it’s something else…I don’t know…” she shrugs. “...I’ll deal with it. Just like I dealt with Steve. But can I at least give birth first? Before you start condemning my kid? I know you hate their father, but…”
“I don’t hate him. I’ve never hated him. I felt sorry for him, if anything. Growing up like he did, being as troubled as he was. Is it any wonder he turned out like he did? Something had to go wrong while he was a little boy. For him to end up that way.”
“A lot of things can cause it. Maybe he was born that way. Maybe he inherited it from someone. Or maybe he was a product of his environment. His mother was only fifteen when she had him. His dad was almost twenty! That’s a little screwed up in itself. And when he was born his mom took off and his dad moved back in with his parents and they helped raise Steve. But they were old and could only help for so long and once their health started to decline, the dad started drinking and doing drugs…”
“I never knew any of this. And I worked with him a lot longer than you did.”
“He trusted me with things. In ways he didn’t trust anyone else. He had a lot of hurt inside of him. His mother never wanting him, never even making an attempt to meet him later on, his dad one day abandoning him at foster care. He grew up in the system; no one wanted the shy and awkward, insanely smart kid. And he was eight years old; he was looked over because people want babies or toddlers. I guess he never really got over it; in some ways he was still that hurt and lonely little boy desperate for someone to understand him. Love him.”
“And you gave him that.”
“I like to think so. I like to think he felt accepted and understood and loved. I hope he felt those things from me. Even if he felt them in his own way. And I know it sounds like I’m making excuses; coming up with ways to explain away the things he did and why he did them.”
Mark shakes his head. “Not excuses. Causes.”
“Can we not do this anymore?” Maizie hopefully inquires. “ Talk about him? Because it’s been really bad lately and if we keep talking about him like this, I’m going to have a complete meltdown. And it’s going to be crazy embarrassing. For both of us.”
Reaching across the table, Mark lays his head atop of hers; squeezing tightly as he flashes a reassuring smile. “It’s going to be okay. It’ll get better. A little bit each day.”
“But I’m always going to have a reminder. There’s always going to be part of Steve that lingers on. A little human being that’s going to make me think of their dad every time I look at them. And it just kind of sucks, you know? That he didn’t even get to know. Let alone get to be a part of things.”
“Do you think he would have wanted to be? A part of it?”
“I don’t know,” she admits with a shrug. “But I like to think so.”
****
An hour and a half later, they find themselves taking the long way back to Maizie’s apartment; sipping on iced chai lattes as they walk arm in arm. Chatting amicably and laughing at one another’s bad jokes and engaging in playful, lighthearted teasing. It’s comforting to have Mark around; the one person who knew exactly what kind of monsters were lingering in the dark corners of her mind. He often faces his own demons after all; the images of Heather’s bloody corpse lying at his feet and the guilt that eats away at him whenever he thinks of how willing and complacent he’d become to the experiments. All in the name of science and ‘saving the world’.
“I need to ask you a question,” he says, as he tosses his empty cup into the closest trash can. “About the money.”
“Whatever you need. Just give me an amount and I’ll make it happen.”
“No. Not that. I don’t need anything. It’s something else. That’s been bugging me since you got that letter. Something I can’t get out of my head.”
“We’re not going to launch into another episode of ‘let’s make Maizie feel like complete and utter shit for her life choices’ are we?”
“No,” he chuckles. “I think we’ve had enough of that today. And I’m not bringing this up to upset you. Like I said, it’s just sitting inside my brain. I’ve held off as long as I can and really need to just get rid of it.”
“Sounds mysterious. What’s it about?”
“Did you ever actually see this lawyer? The one that contacted you? About Steve’s estate?”
“You mean like a facetime or Zoom kind of thing? No. There never seemed to be a reason to.”
“You’ve never actually spoken to them? Even on the phone?”
“No need to speak to someone when email and text messaging exists. You know me, Mark. I HATE talking on the phone. I don’t even answer for the people I DO know. Everything that had to be taken care of and settled was done through different channels. That we both feel comfortable with.”
“Kind of strange, isn’t it? Not actually ever seeing the person.”
“He’s in Barbados. That’s where his practice is located. And it was all pretty cut and dry. It’s not like there was anyone to contest the will. It was just getting things handed out and calling it a day, really. Why? You find it weird?”
“Just a little. A will is pretty serious business. And that’s a lot of money that was handed over. It’s not just a couple hundred a month. Or even a couple grand. We’re talking into the tens of thousands. All that money and you just hand it over to some woman you’ve never met?”
“It was in Steve’s will. It was very particular and drawn out; what he wanted done with the money. All the lawyer had to do was follow it. Nothing complicated.”
“But don’t you find it weird that there even was a will? Maybe not a will itself, but the fact that you were in it? It’s not like you’d known Steve for that long. It’s not like you were living together or married or anything like that. If you had to put a number on it, how long would you say it was that things were considered serious? Between you guys?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I’d been at Spiderhead for about a month before anything physical happened between us. And that was pretty innocent; just some kissing and making out. It never went past third base, as the kids would say. That took until about three months. Of knowing each other.”
“Which is pretty much when I figured out something was going on. And when was it you were together all the time? Where it was a nightly thing? Where you spent entire days together? OUTSIDE the lab?”
“Another two months after we first had sex.”
“So that’s three months. Out of eight. So things were only serious for about five?”
“I suppose so. We started talking about getting a place together on the mainland. Where we could run off to when we needed to get away from work. He brought up maybe getting married, having a family, giving a life together a shot.”
Mark arches a brow. “Steve brought that stuff up?”
“Like I told you, Mark. He loved me. In his own way. And maybe most of what he did and said was merely him doing what was expected., but there were times it felt more…real. I can’t explain it. But I felt it. When things were sincere.”
“You don’t find it a little bit weird that he’d put you in his will? After only five months of really being with you? Doesn’t that seem a little…hasty?”
“I guess it felt right to him. He was comfortable with me. He trusted me. And I guess he figured that if something ever happened, he at least knew that I’d be taken care of.”
“But that’s just the thing, Maize. It’s almost like he REALIZED that something was going to happen. Did he feel it somehow? That all hell was going to break loose? Did he ever talk about anything like that? Things going bad?”
She shakes her head. “We’d talk about how great it was going to be when all the drugs were a success and they finally hit the market. About how we’d change the world and make it a better place. And how the Nobel would be a shoe-in. There was never any doom and gloom. If there was one thing Steve was infinitely confident in, it was his work.”
“It just seems weird to me. That all of a sudden he went and changed his will. Right before everything went down. It’s almost like he knew he was on borrowed time.”
“I think you’re looking too deep into things. Steve was very detail oriented. Very organized. And having an up to date will? That’s a very Steve thing. He was always crossing every T and dotting every I. He was incredibly anal about making sure he had all his ducks in a row. So no; it’s not too far-fetched that he felt the need to re-do something as important as a will.”
“Something just doesn’t feel right about it. Something is just…off. The timing. It just seems like too much of a coincidence to be one.”
“I think you need to stop thinking so much.” Climbing onto the bottom step of the staircase that leads to her building’s front door, she turns to face her friend; hands coming to rest upon his shoulders. “Stop watching so many conspiracy videos on Youtube, okay? You keep devoting so much time to them, next thing you know you’ll be wearing a tin foil hat. And let’s not go all ‘tin foil hat crazy’, okay?”
“I’m being serious. Something ISN’T right. It just all seems too tidy. And the fact you’ve never actually seen this guy…this lawyer…”
“I’m not the first person to conduct legal business online. And I won't be the last. But here…” Rummaging through her purse, she snags her wallet and thumbs through it; finding a business card amidst the graveyard of receipts and forgotten grocery and task lists. “...take this. Look him up. Call him or email him. Do all the sleuthing you want. If it’s bothering you THIS bad…”
Plucking the card from her hand, he chews thoughtfully on his bottom lip as he studies the information. The pad of his thumb brushing across the raised, gold lettering before he tucks the item into the back pocket of his jeans. “Something just isn’t sitting right. It just seems too much of a coincidence to be one.”
“I think you need to lay off the caffeine. It’s always made you crazy paranoid. But if it would make you feel better, get in touch with the guy. Put your mind at ease. I know nothing I say will calm you down. Now…” Squeezing his shoulders, she leans down to peck his cheek. “...go home, Mark. Go home to that sexy man of yours. Crawl under the covers and have a cuddle. Or crawl under the covers and let him bang the shit out of you. Whatever you kids are into these days.”
“What are you going to do?”
“What I usually do. Lie on the couch and feel sorry for myself while Maury Povich does paternity tests in the background. I don’t know…” She affectionately ruffles his hair. “...I think a nap sounds good. Not enough sleep in the world these days, it seems.”
“Growing a human being is tough, exhausting work. If you need anything…”
“I will call you,” she promises, and presses a kiss to his forehead. “Thank you for lunch. The bolognese was fabulous, but I could have done without the never ending stern talking to’s.”
“I’m just trying to help. Just trying to get you of this…funk…that you’re in. I mean, I get it. You’re in mourning. You lost someone that was important to you. But I think if you really sat back and reevaluated exactly who Steve was, you’d realize you didn’t lose that much. That you were never going to get what you wanted from him.”
“What I had was enough. I wanted HIM. And I had him. But not for long enough. I did love him, Mark. I DO love him. And it’s not for you to understand. Or to get on my ass about. It is what it is.”
“Just promise me you won’t shut yourself away. That you won’t give up on finding someone else. There’s a great guy out there somewhere, and you’ll never meet him if you don’t let go of the past and move on. And just so you know, I’d say that even if it wasn’t Steve we were talking about.”
“I’m not exactly the catch of the century. There’s a lot of damage. And it’s going to take a while to unpack it all and heal from it. If I ever do. And let’s face it, who is going to want to date a pregnant chick?”
“You’d be surprised. The right guy wouldn’t care.”
“It wouldn’t feel right. Dating while having someone else’s kid. And I’m going to get all fat and gross. Who wants that?”
“Hey, there’s a whole lot of people on the ‘net that are into that sort of thing. It’s a huge kink.”
“One I don’t want to feed into,” she laughs, then turns on her heel and heads up the stairs. Pausing briefly on the top landing when Mark calls to her; a hand brushing loose, red tresses from her eyes as she looks towards the street.
“Just remember you deserve better. And you WILL find it. You just have to be open to it. You’re going to have to let go, Maizie. Steve’s gone. And he’s never coming back.”
It still hurts to hear. And consider. That pang of loss that settles in your heart; bitter and angry and oh so lonely. There’s no rhyme or reason for it; falling in love with the worst possible person. And grief takes no prisoners; slowly eating away at you from the inside out.
*****
She’s exhausted by the time she gathers her mail from the assigned box in the lobby and takes the stairs to the second floor; bypassing a handful of tenants that have tried to get a little too close in the past. The trial had been well publicized; her face and name and even the smallest of l secrets and petty blemishes plastered throughout the media. In the court of public opinion, the verdict had been six one way, half a dozen the other. One side seeing her as a willing and equally malicious participant while the other viewed her as an innocent; an honest and hardworking woman from a good family sucked into a dark and tangled web and acting under duress.
The first couple of weeks in the building had been rough. Anonymous notes left taped to her door or stuck under the welcome mat; thinly veiled threats to ‘watch her step’ and declarations of hate and disgust. False accusations put into the leasing company; complaints about non-existent loud music and domestic disturbances. The handful of tenants who’d felt sorry for her and gone out of their way to welcome her had helped calm things down, and by the time the money from Steve’s will began flowing into the bank and she’d been able to purchase the unit outright, she started flying under the radar. More people started speaking to her in the elevator and lobby while others would simply make eye contact and nod at her in the laundry room. And male tenants began offering to do ‘odd jobs’ around the apartment; everything from changing light bulbs to painting walls to helping put furniture together. Naturally there wasn’t a shortage of those who wanted to take things further; viewing her as a vulnerable and lonely female that must be dying for some kind of physical contact and companionship. And those hopeful few were always left disappointed; unceremoniously kicked out of her place and warned to never show their faces again.
That’s when the ‘she’s a lesbian’ rumours began. And she vowed to let them continue; a small price to pay to live your life in relative peace.
She barely manages to slip her key into the lock when she hears movement from the apartment across the hall; the shuffling of feet followed by the rattling of the handle. The door squeaking partially open; warm, dark brown eyes observing her through the inch wide gap. Julianna is a common visitor at her place; all of nine years old and being raised by her wealthy, retired grandfather and much younger step-grandma. Desperate for attention and never knowing the gentle and loving touch of a doting mother or the companionship of a sibling.
“Miss Maizie! Miss Maizie!” The familiar voice excitedly calls out, and before she can react the little girl is rushing out into the hallway to greet her. A plastic container of baked goodies clasped tightly in one hand as both arms circle Maizie’s waist. “You’re finally home!”
“I just saw you a couple hours ago.” Taking Julianna’s face in her hands, she presses a kiss to the girl’s brow. “I wasn’t gone for THAT long.”
“It felt like forever. Marguerite and I made cookies. Your favourite! The ones with the white chocolate and the M and M’s in them!” It’s the closest she comes to having a maternal figure; the vapid and materialistic step-grandmother leaving the ‘paying attention’ to the housekeeper that comes four times a week.
“They ARE my favourite!” She gushes, smiling in appreciation as she takes the offered treats. “I thought it was Marguerite’s day off.”
“Dad and Hannah went out.” Julianna rolls her eyes. “As usual. She wanted to go shopping. How much expensive crap do you think she’ll come back with?”
“Depends. How much expensive yet tacky crap can one buy in Chicago?”
“A lot. Where’s Mark? He’s not coming to hang out today?”
“Not today. He’s got things to do at home. Unlike me, he has a social life. And friends.”
“I’m your friend,” the little girl reminds her. “And you had a friend stop by. While you were gone.”
“A friend? What friend? Was it Cam? Looking for Mark? Why…?”
“No. It wasn’t Cam. It was some other guy. I’ve never seen him before. But he was looking for you. He knocked on our door by accident. I guess he wasn’t sure where you lived. He said he wanted to send you flowers, but he was worried he didn’t have the right apartment number. Which he didn’t.”
“Flowers?”
“That’s what he said. He wanted to make sure you lived on this floor. I guess someone in the lobby said you did. I don’t know….” Julianna shrugs. “...I didn’t ask too many questions. And Marguerite doesn’t speak very good English, so…” She blows strands of hair out of her eyes. “You gotta boyfriend now?”
“No. No boyfriend. And not many friends. So that’s kind of weird. That someone would come by like that.”
“He seemed pretty nice. He had a really nice smile. And REALLY nice eyes.” She giggles. “ Marguerite called him a hottie after he left.”
“Was he a hottie?”
“I thought he was alright. I bet it’s some guy who has a crush on you and doesn’t know how to tell you. You know, you should start being nicer to guys. You shouldn’t be so mean to them. How are you ever going to get a boyfriend? Or a husband??”
“What makes you think I want either?”
“I mean, you like guys, right?”
“I do.”
“And you don’t want to be alone forever. No one wants that. I think you should give this guy a chance. He smelled really good. .”
Maizie laughs. “Other than smelling good, what was he like? What did he look like?”
“He was tall. Pretty big. Not fat, big. Just big like the guys that work out in the gym all the time. And he had a nice voice; it was really quiet and soft and friendly. Not scary or anything like that.”
“Anything else? What colour of hair did he have?”
“I dunno. He was wearing a baseball hat. He had sunglasses on, but he took them off when I answered the door. All polite and stuff. Do you know him?”
“No. I have no clue who that is.”
“You have a secret admirer,” the nine year old sing songs. “And he’s hot! You should totally hook up with him.”
“And you should totally not be calling a grown man hot. Stick to boys your own age, kiddo. Or better yet, avoid the male species all together. At least for a decade. But I’ll tell you what; if he’s as hot and as nice as you say he is AND he gets the guts to come around when I’m here, I’ll go out with him. Just for you.”
“Just go out with him? You should marry him. You’re no spring chicken, you know.”
“Hey!” Maizie chuckles, and playfully tugs on one of the girl’s pigtails. “I am not THAT old.”
“Old enough! And you want to have kids one day, right? It’s easier when you’re younger.”
“One day.” She manages a smile; hand subconsciously moving to her stomach.
“You’d be a really good mom. You have lots of love to give. And we always do really cool stuff together. Are we still on for tonight? To do our hair and nails and eat junk while we watch Netflix? Maybe I can stay over? I don’t think dad would mind.”
“If you clear it with him, we’ll camp out in the living room. Then we’ll go for breakfast in the morning. Maybe go and do a little shopping. Sound good?”
“Sounds awesome! I gotta go. We’re going to start making brownies! I’ll bring some over tonight.” Wrapping both arms around Maizie’s waist, she squeezes as tight as she can and then turns and scurries towards her apartment. “And I want to hear all about the hot guy! IF he comes around.”
“You’ll be the first to know if he does,” Maizie promises, and then waits for Julianna to disappear inside her apartment before letting herself into her own.
It’s her sanctuary; a once dated, dark, and ‘boxy’ dwelling turned into something bright and welcoming and refreshing. A lot of hard work and money put into making things exactly how she wanted them; hardwood flooring and intricate cove ceilings with creamy beige walls and pops of colour-courtesy of throws and pillows- paired with earth toned furniture. It had been the perfect project for those early days after Spiderhead; caught in the whirlwind of the aftermath and needing something to stave off the depression and loneliness. Helping with the pangs of regret and guilt; always in combat with the immense anger and the crippling grief that came with losing the man she loved.
Buying and renovating and then decorating the apartment had given her the escape she’d needed; until the quiet and stillness of nighttime arrived and she’d find herself teetering on the edge of self destruction. Moments where she’d stand in the shower and sob; mourning for not only those who had suffered at Spiderhead, but for the parts of herself that she’d lost somewhere during her months of employment. Chest heaving sobs that left her feeling nauseous and dizzy as she stood under the blistering hot water; a form of self inflicted punishment that she so richly deserved. Times where she’d cry for HIM; missing the comfort and the companionship that had accompanied their evenings and early mornings alone. When everything outside his quarters ceased to exist; leaving behind all ‘shop talk’ and recollections of the day in favour of much lighter conversation. There was a comfort and ease between them that neither had experienced before; indulging in a bottle of wine as they prepared dinner together and then enjoyed the meal in candlelight. The physical intimacy they’d later lose themselves in had always been intense; fuelled by attraction, hunger, and immense desperation.
Only once had she caved in and agreed to his use of Luvactin during sex; disproving of his usage and not fully accepting of his explanation as to exactly why he felt the need to indulged in his own product. And that one time had been like nothing she’d ever experienced before; not even with her long time sweetheart and eventual husband. It had been punishing and bruising; an aggression on Steve’s part that both scared her and heightened her need for him. Afterwards she’d be in physical discomfort; thighs aching, scalp burning where her hair had been forcibly yanked, and her sweat slicked body covered in bruises from his fingertips biting into her skin. And while he hadn’t been the most experienced lover she’d ever had, he’d been the most enthusiastic and willing; a patient and diligent student that took his time learning exactly what she needed and wanted and just how to give it to her.
But as enjoyable -drugged up or not- sex had been, their nights hadn’t always ended that way. Replaced by evenings of lounging on the couch and watching television in companionable silence; her head in his lap and his fingers continuously moving through her hair. He’d always loved her curls; the more wild and out of control the better, as far as he’d been concerned. And he’d find it fascinating to take strands of her and straighten them out; amused when -once released- they’d so easily and effortlessly spring back into place. There’d been a boyish charm and quality to him; as if he’d never fully matured in those formative years between being abandoned by his father and becoming a man. And she’d enjoyed his uniqueness; the little oddities and eccentricities that made Steve, STEVE.
Some nights, they’d drift off where they sat, and when she’d waken in the morning, she’d be in his bed with the sheets and comforter tucked tightly around her. He’d been an early riser; up at quarter to five to work out and to finish up any business from the day before. But most evenings, they fell asleep in the confines of his bed; their spent bodies wrapped up in a mess of naked limbs and tangled sheets. Stirring before the sun even began to peek over the horizon; sharing soft kisses and indulging in slow and sensuous love making and the sleepy conversation that occurred afterwards. Enjoying that time together; knowing that in less than three hours they’d be back at work and resuming their roles as boss and employee.
She hates how random these moments are; floods of memories that rush through her at any given time. And she attempts to push them -and him- out of her mind; dropping her keys and her cell phone in a dish on the table in the front hallway before kicking off her boots. Following her newly established afternoon routine, heading for the kitchen and making herself a slice of toast smeared with peanut butter and snagging a bottle of water and the prenatal vitamins kept above the kitchen sink. She takes two of the latter and then goes through the mail as she waits for her snack to be ready; putting any flyers and junk straight into the recycle and the bills into a plastic container next to the fridge. Always organized; needing the simple satisfaction that comes with having even the smallest of things in order.
Especially when everything around her seems to be burning to the ground.
Finishing the last bite of toast, she rinses the plate and leaves it in the sink; sipping at the bottle of water as she pads into the living room. Eyes riveted on the horizon as the once bright and beautiful weather begins to mirror her mood; gray and sullen as dark clouds begin slowly rolling in. The enormity of her situation sitting heavily on her chest; the prospect of being a single mother and the worry that she won’t be able to give her child everything they deserve. And the fear that somewhere down the road, they’ll begin to show troubling signs of an inherited mental disorder; the behaviours that will pay a chilling homage to the man who had fathered them.
It IS a possibility. Inheriting both the brilliance and the madness. And it’s something she’s thought about it often; ever since those two pink lines appeared on the home pregnancy test. Love couldn’t mask the reality of who and what Steve was; genius and sociopathy all rolled into one. But she wants to believe -even now- that somehow…against all odds…she could have fixed him. Given him a life and a love that would have made him ‘snap out’ of it; finding himself comfortable and content for the first time in his life. That happiness enough to bring out some long buried side of him; something compassionate and gentle and sweet that had gone into hiding during those nightmarish first days and weeks in foster care. When an impressionable eight year old boy came to realize that no one in the world loved him.
Sighing, she swallows the last of the water and prepares to turn towards the living room. Her back towards the couch when she hears it; the quiet, yet tell tale squeak of springs that haven’t been worn in yet. She senses his presence before even laying eyes on him; strong and silent as his familiar scent hangs in the air.
“I was starting to think you were never coming home.”
That voice. Low and smooth. Calm and comforting. Yet bearing a trace of simmering irritability and inexplicable rage. And her heart hammers in her chest and her legs threaten to give out from underneath as turns to face him; mere inches between them when they come face to face. She feels faint. Nauseous. The anxiety that comes when a situation seems unfathomable; when you’re not quite sure that you can believe your own eyes and your own brain. And when she finally speaks, her voice is a near whisper. Almost choking on that one, simple word.
"Steve?"
#Steve and Maizie#Steve Abnesti#Steve Abnesti fan fiction#Spiderhead fan fiction#Chris Hemsworth#spiderhead#Steve Abnesti fan fic#Spiderhead fan fic#Steve Abnesti x OFC
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Hi!
I'm Sammie, and I write for the OC community. I originally started writing fan fiction MANY years ago over on another site. It was for the CSI:NY fandom and I absolutely loved it. Currently, I write for the Extraction/Tyler Rake fandom and have a series I've been working on for two and a half years now. I also have fairly rough drafts (handwritten in notebooks) for a Thor/OC fic and a Spiderhead/Steve Abnesti/OC fic.
#oc creator spotlight#fd: extraction#fd: marvel#fd: spiderhead#ocapp#oc community#oc fanfiction#oc fanfic#oc fic#oc fanfiction blogs#oc writers#chickensarentcheap tag
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Spiderhead
By emmacortana
I love this fic
Sorry I haven't done much recommendations but I've been mentally dead so Yolo anyway
Ofc all credit to emmacortana, enjoy
https://archiveofourown.org/works/32792506
#fic recommendations#fanfiction#fanfiction recommendation#spiderman fanfiction#ao3#fanfic#spiderman#marvel#peter parker#batfamily#batman adopting again#batman#batfam#bruce wayne
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MCU X DC FIC REC
Green, through and through
another_fucking_robin
Summary:
A spell goes wrong on Titan and Peter Parker ends up in a lazarus machine in Gotham. Every bat is chomping at the bit to adopt the tiny zombie boy, but they're just a tad bit distracted with a new spider-themed vigilante running around.
inspired by dark matter by mysterycyclone, peter the pizza guy by irisen and spiderhead by emmacortana bc the brainrot is real
#spider man#spiderman#peter parker#mcu#marvel#marvel comics#dc#dc comics#duke thomas#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#barbara gordon#dick grayson#jason todd#bruce wayne#batman#nightwing#red hood#red robin#signal#ao3 fanfic#fanfiction#fanfic recommendation#ao3#fanfic rec
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So I'll find what lies beneath your sick, twisted smile
Vincent (Collateral)/Jeff (Spiderhead) fic by @fuddlewuddle
#tom cruise#miles teller#cruiseteller cinematic universe#me*ctcu#me*jeffvincent#*#LOVE THIS FICCCC#had to make a gifset with this quote kfbhgjgfhbf <3#hope you like it fuddle <3
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Oscar Night
I'm writing my 1st ever RPF fic and while I'm nervous as heck, this idea just wouldn't leave me alone.
divider by @firefly-graphics
🏷: @bayisdying @mrsjaderogers @callmemana @ladylanera
You had known Miles for the better part of ten years. You'd met when you had been in New York during college before he was a big star. You'd stayed in contact over the years, even as his career took off. After two years in the big city, you returned home to the Blue Ridge Mountains, declaring the city was too much. Miles understood and supported your decision, making you promise you'd stay in touch.
As the days went on, you found yourself falling in love. Though you rarely got to see him, with his filming schedule and bouncing around between projects, you talked a lot. Miles became your best friend, your confidant, and you couldn't stop yourself from falling.
When his publicist pushed him into a relationship for his public image in the industry, you understood. You weren't exactly thrilled, but you also knew Hollywood wasn't for you. You tried to get on with your life; your job as a freelance proofreader keeping you busy. You traveled some, but nowhere fancy, and you did your best to find a partner. But no one compared to the man you'd fallen in love with, and no one understood how you two still talked and carried on as if you'd see each other soon. So you'd basically given up on dating; it just wasn't worth it.
While Miles got along with his girlfriend in public, they weren't exactly compatible and argued .... a lot. She wanted more than he was willing to give, and couldn't understand that it was a relationship of convenience to make certain people happy. You tried to sympathize with him, but short of telling him to get a real girlfriend, you couldn't help, but you still always listened.
He'd tease you by saying you could be his real girlfriend, but you knew he didn't really mean it. Or so you thought. There was no way he'd feel the same as you.
But after six years of pretending, Miles was done. Getting his girlfriend to understand that was a different story, and when he'd finally had enough, he told her he had someone else. When she asked for proof, he showed her a picture of you. She'd known about you the whole time so to say she was pissed was an understatement. You were slightly shocked when he told you, but you also knew where he was coming from so you didn't mind.
Finding Miles on your doorstep the night after that fight was a surprise, but you let him hide out for a week until the heat in Hollywood died down. After that week, he was off to film his next project, which he'd told you about in secret, and you were over the moon excited for him. Landing the role in Top Gun Maverick was going to be amazing for him, you just knew it.
During filming, he'd send you behind the scene things, and once more you two were talking all the time. The more you talked, the more you fell, even deeper. You knew eventually he'd find someone and fall in love, but until then, you treasured your conversations.
When COVID hit, you had to stay on opposite sides of the country, which was rough because you two had made some plans together, but also not because you barely saw him as it was over the years. You'd seen him for a bit between Top Gun and his next project, so you told yourself you were fine; it's not like you two were dating. His publicist was once again on him about a relationship and his image, but Miles put his foot down this time. There would be no more fake relationships.
When Miles returned from filming Spiderhead in Australia, he spent a month with you. During that month, you two finally moved from friends to lovers, Miles taking the leap one night and confessing his feelings for you. You were shocked, but also so very happy your feelings were returned. After that, things just fell into place. He'd spend time at your home with you, and when you felt brave enough to face his world, you'd follow him across the country, and watch him work. Your favorite times was watching him watch sports, whether it be his beloved Eagles or Phillies. While you didn't care for either team, you loved watching him.
During Top Gun Maverick's premiere, you met a lot of people you'd admired and adored from afar most of your life. It was exhilarating and exciting, but also terrifying. You two weren't ready to go public or put you in front of a bunch of fans who'd fallen in love with the cast, so while you went to all the events, you stayed in the background. And that was more than fine with you. You'd run into Miles' ex a few times at some of the events, her publicist putting her there in the hopes of reconciliation. But Miles never gave her the attention. Fans seemed to speculate they were getting back together, but you didn't let it bother you because you knew the truth.
You knew the movie was going to be a hit, but no one knew just how much it was going to explode. Miles' movies and shows became more popular than ever, and everywhere you looked, your boyfriend was showing up. It was entertaining to search fan sites to see what all they were saying, and you loved teasing Miles to no end about it. You especially loved when he'd blush at your teasing, and then remind you that you were the only one he wanted and loved.
A little over three months after the movie premiere, Miles surprised you by popping the question in your home town. It was beautiful and romantic, Miles having planned a picnic in the mountains. You were over the moon. You two decided to have just a small ceremony fairly soon, with family and the cast from TGM that you'd both gotten close with. You planned a December wedding, and were pleasantly surprised when your little home town ended up with snow for it.
It was a beautiful, simple wedding, and before you knew it, you were Mrs. Miles Teller. Miles planned the perfect honeymoon, and you spent two weeks in Turks and Caicos, lost in each other. It was absolute bliss.
When awards season started, you two decided to play each one by ear and decide whether to make things public. You were more than fine with coming out, but you also knew how Miles was protective of you. When he was asked to present at Critics Choice with his newest co-star, you were more than happy for him. You two decided then that this would be the time. Miles was more than ready to show you off, and he was more than ready to have you on his arm at all the upcoming awards and press tours that would be happening.
While you were nervous, things went smoothly. During one of his interviews, he pulled you close and explained how yall had a simple ceremony in December and how happy you two were. While on stage, his eyes stayed on you the whole time, the smile on his face genuine. He was killing you in his tux with his full beard, and you were more than happy to skip after parties to get back to the room.
Oscar nominations came out not long after Critics Choice and you were so excited for the whole cast with the nominations. You two had been spotted frequently especially after Critics Choice, and rumors where flying about your relationship, how yall met, how you were able to tie him down. You didn't pay much attention to it, more than happy to just be in the moment with your man, especially with the test confirmation you got the morning of the Oscars. Miles was over the moon, and he showed you all morning long, just how happy he was.
The hair and makeup team had been there since lunch and when they finally left the suite was quite. You stared at yourself in the mirror, looking and feeling like a true princess. It wasn't but a minute, and arms wrapped around your waist, over your flat stomach that would be expanding soon, and a chin rested on your shoulder. You smiled as you met his stare in the mirror.
"You look stunning," you whispered to him. You knew he'd take your breath in a full tux and his beard, just like Critics Choice, but every time still made you catch your breath and wonder how you got so lucky. He'd trimmed his beard up, and while you liked the fuller look from a few months prior, he was still so damn breathtaking.
"Mmmm not as stunning as you." His lips softly traced your jawline, while his hands never moved from your stomach. You two were very affectionate and touchy-feely, and you know that would only get worse the further along you got. A shiver shot through you causing him to smirk. "You ready to go be best dressed?"
"I highly doubt that will be me. Maybe you," you grins.
"Na. You'll steal the carpet." He knew you were nervous, but he kept reminding you that he would be right there the whole time. Besides, it wasn't exactly your first red carpet event, it was just first with the whole world knowing you were married.
The car ride was quick and painless, and you rather enjoyed yourself. But upon arrival, you felt yourself start to panic. You weren't expecting all the fans - even though you should've- the reporters and paps were waiting at the car before you even made it to the carpet. "I can't... you...."
He leans over and silences you with a soft kiss, his hand cupping your jaw. "Y/N/N look at me," he whispers. Your eyes slowly meet his and he gives you a true, genuine soft smile. "I'm right here. Not gonna leave you. You're beautiful, you're gorgeous, you're amazing and I love you more than words can say. You're the only one I want by my side... forever."
He gives you another kiss before pulling your hand up and softly kissing your finger where your engagement ring and wedding band sit. "Me and you.... forever."
"Forever," you whispers with a smile.
Miles leans down and kisses your stomach, not for the first time, whispering "be good to mommy tonight ok peanut?" Making you absolutely melt before he finally unlocks the door and slides out. He waves to some fans who call out to him, and then he reaches in helping you out. Cameras flash repeatedly, and fans scream and squeal. Miles tucks you into his side and the two of you make your way to the carpet.
Pictures take forever, but it's the first time you've ever seen a genuine smile on his face at an event like this. True to his word, he sticks right by your side, only stepping away for moments at a time for interviews, and even then someone from the cast is always around. It was great being able to meet up with them, so you weren't just standing around awkwardly while he gave his brief interviews.
He does finally get asked about you, and he beams as he pulls you closer. "I'd like to introduce you to my wife Y/N."
"Yea you made quite the stir with that announcement at Critics Choice, if I remember?"
You blush as Miles pulls you closer as he laughs. "Yea we did. But this girl," he gazes at you for a moment. "She's been by my side for a long time, and it was so easy falling in love with her. No one else I'd rather spend my life with."
Your blush gets worse, and you'd love nothing more than to hide your face in his chest, but you don't. "Well you two seem very happy and in love so we wish you all the best."
"Thank you," Miles smiles big before you two walk off to rejoin your friends. Everybody worked their way through interviews and more pictures putting everybody closer to going inside to their seats. Miles was about ten feet away giving a final interview about his new upcoming project, and you were standing with Monica, Danny and his date Baylie, Glen and his date Alana, and Greg, when you saw Miles' ex and one of her so called friends coming towards the group.
Everybody knew her, and while you were hoping to avoid any kind of confrontation, you were almost positive it was going to happen. You held your breath when they stopped next to your group, and you couldn't stop your eyes flicking back to Miles.
"Well, well, well..... if it isn't the little home wrecker. He finally decided to bring you around?" The friend says.
You feel yourself tense, but you also bite your tongue to keep from saying anything.
"For a while I thought she was just made up."
Baylie and Alana were standing on each of your sides, and you weren't surprised when Glen and Danny stepped in front of all three of you. Greg stepped up beside Monica essentially putting her beside you three.
"What do you want?" Glen asks through gritted teeth.
You're not surprised it's the ex who speaks up first. "Oh don't be like that Glenny. We just wanted to stop by and say hi to the most popular cast here tonight. Can't believe you all actually let him bring her around though."
You feel Baylie and Alana both move to defend you, but Danny and Glen don't let them through. You know Baylie would throw punches if she could, but you really, really don't want to cause a scene. Before anyone can say anything, Miles is standing in front of everybody. "And I'm surprised you were even invited."
You don't hide your laugh very well at his ex's offended face.
"She's with me!" the friend speaks up.
"Of course." He steps back and pulls you into his side, before he leans down and lays a searing, never ending kiss on you. When you both pull back to catch a breath, he gives you a soft grin, and then another soft little peck. All your friends are trying to hide their laughs because he is usually so reserved, especially in public. This was the most public display you two had ever put on, and Monica being a good friend, got it on video. He swipes a curl that had come loose from your updo behind your ear, and then looks around. "Oh your still here?"
You laugh into his chest when you hear Baylie and Alana let out snorts of their own. You really do have some of the best friends ever.
"I can't believe you! Six years! Six years wasted! And for what?! You never did any of this with me! Ever! We could've already had a family!"
Miles lays another kiss to your forehead. You know this whole scene is going to be headline news, and you're worried for your husband. But Miles is so done with her shit and her lies, so you're not surprised when he doesn't back down.
"Six years of a forced fake relationship you mean. You never had this because we were not real! It was a publicity stunt and you knew it when you signed the damn contract! Move on because we never were a thing and we never will be again." With that, he laces his fingers with yours and your whole group heads in to get seats.
The whole show, Miles spends with his arm and hand touching you somewhere keeping you close. It's a fun night, despite the little scene on the carpet. While you thought the movie deserved more than just the one award it won, you had the best time and was so proud of your husband and the whole cast. You two decided to skip the after party, despite your friends' multiple protests, but you promised them to catch up later.
The cast had their own private party back at the hotel which was way more low-key and relaxed which was more your style. It was a fun night, and you were happy when Miles shared the good news with your friends that night. You got so many congratulations and promises of the perfect baby shower, even though you laughed them off and told them you still had a while to go.
The confrontation did make headline news the next morning, but the main picture was Miles leaning you back while he laid the searing kiss on you. You still blushed seeing it, even though most people's reactions were positive for the two of you. The fans loved seeing him happy, and you loved knowing that you being in the picture didn't change anything for him. You knew it might've been your first Oscar night, but it certainly wouldn't be your last.
"Forever," he'd whispered to you and forever he meant.
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Main Masterlist
Welcome to my page everyone. It has been a while since I have last written anything, so I decided to start off by doing an overall on my master list system. This list is a directory of all of my other master lists, some of which do not have anything on them yet, and eventually, other fandoms will be added to this list. With that in mind, stay safe and have fun.
My page is not particularly minor-friendly, so I prefer that minors do not interact. Each of my works comes with a warning list and a disclaimer, so please be aware before you start reading. Thank you!
I have a tag list, so if you'd like to be added to that, please let me know. If you have specific preferences for works or characters, let me know.
I write all of my fics with a female reader as it is the easiest way for me to write a fiction, but I am working to learn how to write stories from the point of views of other identities. It'll take time for me to get good at those though. If you want to leave any requests or ideas please feel free to fill out the form here.
Top Gun
Two Night Stand
That Awkward Moment
Divergent
Outer Range
Press Play
Spiderhead
The Spectacular Now
#masterlist#fanfic#fanfiction#top gun#top gun maverick#spiderhead#spiderhead fic#that awkward moment#daniel that awkward moment#two night stand fic#alec two night stand#miles teller#bradley rooster bradshaw#jake hangman seresin#the spectacular now fic#divergent fanfiction#divergent series#divergent
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I’ve been on a Miles Teller kick if y’all couldn’t tell.
I already have a fic in my drafts for Jeff from Spiderhead.
Kindaaaaa thinking of a few for everyone’s favorite chicken.
Someone give me their thoughts on doing fics for like real life people that Miles has played, aka Vinny Paz and Al Ruddy?
#kitten’s ramblings#miles teller x reader#Spiderhead#jeff x reader#bradley rooster bradshaw x reader#vinny Paz x reader#al ruddy x reader
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Masterlist
Steve Abnesti:
Pretty Mouth: Summary: While on holiday you’re invited on a yacht with some very rich people. Steve catches your eyes and with the help of some N-40 you two are immediately attached to each other.
Pretty Mouth Pt2
Nightmares
All for you: Summary: Jeff got to use N-40 with Y/N. Afterwards he can't help but want to do so once more. When he mentions so to Steve, Steve gets furious. Dosing him with Darkenfloxx and calling Y/N to watch.
Distractions: Summary: After Jeff discovers Steve’s plans, Steve panicks and Y/N is forced to pilot them to safety.
Free Fridays: Summary: There are many things you miss about the outside world. And after an incident with Rogan, Steve makes sure do get Y/N out of the Spiderhead
New boy: It's smut, except you're cute and tiny
Prove it: Steve corrupts an innocent reader.
Blossoms-PotO Fic
Summary: A young author travels away from her family to The Opera she has heard so much about. She lost and confused and yet still seems to get a job there as a cleaner. Yet when she meets a mysterious man there, everything changes. Her mind is entirely consumed, but will she allow her burning need for him consume her life as well?
The Mandolorian
Hold Still: Summary: During a long flight, Y/N gets bored. While Din tries to reward Y/N for their good behaviour so far, they get interrupted. Now Din has to get them out of harms way, all while inside Y/N.
Little onesies: While on your way to Tatoine Din gets you ready
Salvaging: Din decided you are far to pregnant to help with his bounties, but he does let you watch.
Henry Cavill
New Thrill: Summary: Being annoyed with all the gaming Henry’s been done recently, you act out wanting for attention. He makes sure to give it to you, all with his dear friend on the phone.
The inevitable: Henry helps you through your medical problems
Dirty: You’d come to set to bring Henry his lunch, only to find him rolling around in the mud. You can’t help but take laugh and take a video.
Kal’s Sixth Sense: Henry notices that Kal has been acting weird lately. Following you around everywhere. When those two pink lines shows up on the pregnancy test, things makes sense.
Treat yourself: You plan on going to the shop, grabbing some money from Henry’s wallet to see how he reacts.
Surprise: You and the interviewer make plans to surprise Henry while on his busy press tour.
Between two Gods: In a world with Alpha, Betas and Omegas, you never thought you'd find your true mate. But you did, but it turns out to be mates. And not just any two Alphas, the strongest two Alphas on earth (and some galaxies.) Come join us as you tackle the life of being mates to thor Odinson and Superman.
Cuddles for breakfast: You and your daughter surprise Henry for father’s day.
Thor Odinson:
Snippit: (Drabble taken from wip) Thor always seems to know where is his lover, Star is. His mother finds it simply adorable how close they are.
Snippit 2: (Drabble taken from wip) Thor takes Star (oc) to a clearing in the forest with a lake. Where he worships her body and declares his love.
Thundering return: (dark!thor x slave!reader) Thor comes home lustful after a heavy battle in need for a release. (Basically just smut)
Galaxy of Stars: The Light Elves are told to live forever. Avoiding age for millennia, becoming over 5000 years old before growing feeble and fragile. And so at the age of 600, Star lived when Thor was born. Not that it mattered much, she herself was still considered incredibly young. A small thing, still a babe.
You’d expect Star to live a ravishing life. Marrying another royal, growing a family and a kingdom. Being a beautiful, power princess you would believe nothing else to happen. Yet, Star lived a truly tragic life. Living through one painful experience to the next. She left an impact on everyone she met and somehow still died a horrific death.
Perhaps, however, I am telling you too much? Just maybe you would like to find this out all on your own. Through the power of storytelling, I could just convince you that her life wasn’t as painful as it truly is. But I do not wish to undermine the pain she went through. As she lived it, so will you.
So many allergies: During a party, you become small and eat something you shouldn’t and have an allergic reaction. Thor has to come in and save the day
Between two Gods: In a world with Alpha, Betas and Omegas, you never thought you'd find your true mate. But you did, but it turns out to be mates. And not just any two Alphas, the strongest two Alphas on earth (and some galaxies.) Come join us as you tackle the life of being mates to thor Odinson and Superman.
Sweet Savagery: All your life, Thor's blue eyes have haunted you. You believed you outran him, but now all your hopes come tumbling down.
Lewis Hamilton:
The final push: You and Lewis have been friends (turned lovers) since forever. When he’s struggling on his race he asks to talk to you on the radio. Believing you to be the only thing that could help him.
Matchmaker: Seb is the one who set you and Lewis up, it’s only sensible you honour him somehow.
Fast Pace: You're a hard-working Chef in Paris and after a freak accident run-in with Carlos Sainz, your life makes a 180. Let's just say with a certain agreement, you get your bills paid and in return stand in as Carlos' girlfriend for the press. But will you be able to handle the pressure and ensure the lines don't blur?
Le Chiffre:
I’ll take care of you: Your gambling father actually won a poker match against Le Chiffre himself. In a bout of anger, Le Chiffre decides to take revenge
Captain Rochefort
The Captain: When Captain Rochefort enters the tavern you work at, he seems to take a liking to you.
#masterlist#Steve Abnesti#Phantom of the Opera#the mandalorian#henry cavill#Thor Odinson#lewis hamilton#mads mikkleson#Le Chiffre#captain rochefort#superman
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I just wanted you to know how fucked up your Spiderhead/Collateral story has me. If I type So in my phone, it pops up. I've reread it I don't even know how many times. My ass about to rejoin netflix to watch Spiderhead again, despite the fact that I think Chris Hemsworth was a horrible choice for the movie.
One request: blowjob/rimming scene? Vincent needs to give Jeff's ass a break/reward. Even if its just a minor one.
Also, looking forward to Steve's inevitable demise.
Oh this is so sweet Nonnie 🥹
I’m thrilled you’re enjoying it so much.
I tried to fulfil your request in chapter six which is now up, though Vincent clearly took over at the end 🙃
Hope you enjoy 💜
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The Frat!Peter Cinematic Universe (F!PCU)
Okay I mentioned a couple days ago that I made moodboards for the characters in my Frat!Peter fics and some of y'all wanted the line up so here we go. I originally wrote little blurbs for them but I wasn't a huge fan of them so this is just the moodboards with their names, majors, their top song currently and how I picture them when I write them. But if you'd like to know about anymore about them though I'd love to discuss.
Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield)
Major in biophysics and a minor in chemical engineering.
His top song currently: Spiderhead by Cage the Elephant
Bashful (Alexandra Shipp or Sixitine Rouyre)
Major in Psychology.
Her top song currently is In Between by Gracie Abrams
Harry Osborn (Dane Dehaan)
Major in Environmental Engineering contemplating a switch to pre-law
His top song currently is Super Rich Kids by Frank Ocean
Miles Morales (Miles Brown or Caleb McLaughlin)
Major in Audio Engineering and minor in modern physics.
His top song currently is Sunflower by Swae Lee
Mary-Jane Watson (Kennedy Walsh)
Double major in journalism and preforming arts
Her top song currently is All-American Bitch by Olivia Rodrigo
James 'Jamie' Dallon (Jonathan Davis)
Major in chemical engineering and minor in biotech
His top song currently is Dial Drunk by Noah Kahan
Nathan 'Nate' Miller (Jesse Eisenberg)
Major in computer engineering
His top song currently is New Magic Wand by Tyler, The Creator
Frankie Callava (this dude named Chris off Pinterest)
Major in Biophysics but switched to undeclared
His top song right now is Boyfriend by Big Time Rush
Joey Matthews (Adam DiMarco)
Major in Chemistry
His top song currently is Nonsense by Sabrina Carpenter (he'll never admit it)
Still the F!PCU is continuing to grow. This will grow as we add people to the lineup.
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