tngrace - Tumblr blog

tngrace · 20 days

Text

Chapter 4

I feel like I jump from Pete to Tom to Mike and vice versa in this chapter a tad too much, so I tried to use line breaks to break it up. Thanks to @firefly-graphics for the divider. Hopefully it doesn't make it too confusing. I'm planning on working on the last chapter today/this week so it'll be ready to post next Friday, and I'm so excited for how I wrap up this part! Stay tuned and I hope you enjoyed! <3

A03; Tumbler Masterlists: Main; Mav Chronicles

Cleaning out Goose’s things after getting home from the hospital is one of the hardest things Mav has ever done. He fights the tears with everything he has, knowing Carole and Bradley are just on the other side of the door, but some still fall. He’s doing his best to be strong, to be there for Carole to lean on, but holding Goose’s things is almost too much. He boxes up things he knows she’ll want to keep and leaves things he knows can just be donated. He pockets Goose’s spare tags knowing Carole won’t mind. Once he has the box together, he leans against the door just breathing. He doesn’t think he can do this, but he knows he has to. He takes a few more deep breaths, and then faces his best friend’s widow.

Carole telling him Goose would do it without him feels hollow because he doesn’t think he can do this. It doesn’t feel right. Nothing feels right without Goose by his side.

The next few days pass in a blur. Mav spends most of it helping Carole and Bradley with anything they need. He hears from Cougar as well, which is a surprise, and Cougar is the only one Mav shares his thoughts about quitting with knowing Cougar would understand. It’s a refreshing conversation even if it doesn’t help him make a decision one way or the other.

Mav is right back at class as soon as it resumes, his decision of what to do put on hold; his brain is too scrambled to think clearly anyways and Carole seems to think getting right back to it might be good for him, despite Bradley crying any time Mav leaves his sight. The board cleared him of any wrongdoing and returned him to flight status immediately. He doesn’t want to go back to work, but Mike pushes him to get back into the air. Mav is still so out of it, he can’t differentiate between Mike as his dad and as his commander, and he goes along with it because disappointing Mike is the last thing he ever wants to do. Mike doesn’t feel one hundred percent comfortable sending Pete up in his current mental state, but he knows that’s what any other commander would do. It kills him, but he tells Rick to get him up as soon as possible.

He’s waiting on the tarmac for his first flight back, Goose’s tags tumbling back and forth in his hands as he’s lost in thought.

Bradley is in his arms, his tears too much for Mav to resist picking him up. He has a hand on Carole’s back as she cries quietly. Mav’s eyes are tear filled, but he doesn’t let them fall. He stands at attention despite holding Bradley, as his eyes never leave the flag draped casket. He never thought he’d be here, standing next to his best friend’s wife, holding his best friend’s kid, while said best friend is being lowered into the ground. And it’s all his fault. He can’t get the sound of Goose hitting the canopy out of his head. It haunts him day and night. He can’t get the images of Goose, covered in blood, lifeless in his arms out of his head. It’s always there. Carole and Bradley will blame him, just as he blames himself. His arms tighten around Bradley as the flag is folded and presented to Carole by Viper while the twenty-one gun salute takes place. He can feel Bradley jump in his arms with each fire, and it’s all Mav can do to stay at attention. He knows Carrie, Cat and Jamie are there somewhere as well, but he can’t act like he knows them. He feels Tom nudge his arm when it’s time for them to pound their wings into the casket. He sets Bradley down, despite the little boy trying to desperately cling to him, not understanding what is happening or why his favorite people are upset. The entire class steps forward, and one by one drive their wings in. Mav is the last one to do it, Tom standing by his side the entire time. He feels his breath catch, a tear falling despite his best efforts, and then it’s done. He stands at full attention at the end of the casket as the missing man formation flies overhead. People start disperasing after that, some stopping to offer Carole their condolences, but Mav doesn’t move. It isn’t until Tom whispers to him that they need to go, does he snap back into reality. He gives Tom a nod and then he’s scoping Bradley up once more, the little boy burying his face in Mav’s neck as they head back to the vehicles. He sees Mike join Carrie, Cat and Jamie and he gives them a long look. He wishes he could fall into Carrie’s arms and let her just hold him until the pain disappears like when he was a child, but he knows that’s not possible. He gives them a nod and then joins Carole in the car, Tom taking them back to the house.

“Lieutenant Mitchell you are cleared for takeoff” It’s being shouted in his ear by Jester, so there’s no telling how many times they’d tried getting his attention while he’d been lost in thought. He drops the tags in his flight suit pocket, and acknowledges the order. He’s in the air before he knows it and it just feels all wrong. He’s been so out of it, he doesn’t even know who’s in his back seat. He can’t engage, barely feels like he’s flying the jet, before he’s landing once more, only breathing once the canopy is clear and his mask is off.

“He won’t engage Mike, not in the air or on the ground.”

The rest of the week goes about the same. Mav stays lost in his head, doesn’t engage with anyone, and won’t engage in the air, half the time barely getting in the air. The whole time there’s only one thought circling through Pete’s head; I can’t do this anymore. Everyone watches as Pete falls apart, no one more than Tom, but no one knows how to help.

“It’s only been a few days.”

“I know. I know. But he might not make it back from this.”

Mike sighs knowing Rick might just be right. “Keep sending him up.”

“Mike…”

“I know ok! I know. He’s my kid,” he hisses quietly because they are still on base, even though no one should be near his office. “I don’t like this any more than you. But I can’t… we can’t…. If we coddle him, it’ll look like something to the Brass. We have to keep sending him up.”

“And if he quits?”

Mike is silent, stewing over the question.

“Mike, have you even talked to him?”

“Not since the hospital,” Mike sighs, sinking into his desk chair. “I had to make sure the Brass were done snooping around. You know it would kill Pete if they made the connection now.”

“Maybe you should talk to him… not as a Commander.”

“Maybe…. I don’t know that he’ll want to talk to me though.”

“Try.”

He gives Rick a nod, and then his best friend is gone. Mike thinks over how to talk to Pete, but he’s not sure he can make it happen. The next day it all goes to shit before he ever formulates a solid plan. They thought putting Sunny with Mav would help him engage, but it didn’t. It just made things worse, and the entirety of the class saw him finally blow up.

Mike catches Tom’s eye across the tarmac, Tom and Ron having been observing from a distance as well. Tom drops his eye before Mike can convey or deduce anything and then he’s gone.

Tom finds Pete in the locker room, cleaning out his locker, but he doesn’t know what to say. He tries to apologize once more, but Pete won’t even look at him. It’s tearing him up inside to see Pete like this, but he doesn’t stop him from leaving. Tom hears Wolf calling Charlie letting her know Pete has quit. While it angers him, he can’t do anything about it because no one but Slider knows Pete is his. He finds Slider waiting by his truck when he finally makes it out.

Word of Mav leaving reaches Mike and Rick before Pete is even off base, and Mike is lost. He let his kid down and he doesn’t know what to do to fix it. He just hopes Pete reaches out before he does something rash.

“Well?”

“He’s gone. I… I didn’t know what to say to stop him. He won’t even look at me anymore.”

“He’s hurting Tom. He doesn't know what he’s doing.”

“He asked for space and I gave it to him.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have.” Tom gives him the side eye glare because they’ve had this argument plenty over the last several days.

“Don’t give me that look. Listen, you feel guilty so you’re giving him whatever he wants. And maybe he’s too messed up to say what he really wants; that he wants someone to fight to be there for him, to not let him push them away. Nick’s told us how messed up the kid was from his shitty past. Maybe it’s time you fight back and show him you’re not going anywhere.”

Tom ponders his words and finally decides maybe Slider is right. “He’ll probably go to the airport,” Tom concedes.

Pete doesn’t know where’s going, but he knows he has to get out of there. Being there without Goose is just too much. There’s too many eyes on him, and he’s letting too many people down. He doesn’t feel like an aviator anymore, and he knows he needs to leave before he hurts or kills anyone else. That’s how he finds himself at the airport. He’d sat down to rest while he decided where he needed to go, and hadn’t realized he’d been dozing off. Charlie’s appearance is a shock to his system though.

“Let’s go get him.”

“Excuse me?” Pete jerks at her voice. He has no clue what she’s doing there and he definitely doesn’t want to see her. “May I?”

Despite not wanting to see her, Carrie raised a polite man, so he nods.

“I’ll have what he’s having,” she says when the waitress walks up. He can see a blonde figure watching from right inside the door, and Pete holds in his sigh knowing Tom won’t step in for fear of giving anything away to Charlie. He shouldn’t be surprised Tom found him either, but he is a little surprised Tom came after him. He clues back in when Charlie questions his drink; “Hemlock is it?”

“Ice water,” he gets out quietly.

She acts like she doesn’t believe him and it grates on his thin frayed nerves. He just clenches his jaw to keep from saying something smart.

“You weren’t going to say goodbye?” He’s not sure why she still thinks he owes her something.

“I heard you got that job in Washington,” he says instead. “Congratulations,” he tacks on, again hearing Carrie’s voice in his head about manners.

“Thanks. But I wasn’t going to leave without saying goodbye.” Her hand on top of his makes him cringe, so he subtly pulls it back into his lap. He wants out of this conversation so bad it’s making his skin itch. He glances back to where he knows Tom is waiting, wishing the asshole would come end this conversation. He tries to be dismissive, tries to get her to see he wants no part of this, but she just won’t relent.

“You don’t even have a ticket do you?”

What the fuck it is to her, he has no idea. He glances around the airport once more, his eyes landing on Tom, but not long enough for her to notice. He knows his eyes are pleading, but he turns back as she starts talking once more.

“Listen, I’ve seen all the evidence, and it’s not your responsibility. It’s not your fault.”

He’s so sick of hearing that statement it’s not even funny. He won’t even look at her now; he doesn’t need her placating statements or her assessment of his flying anymore. Her voice is grating on him, so he totally shuts down. He can tell by her change in voice it pisses her off, but he can’t bring himself to care; manners be damned , he thinks.

“You’re one of the best pilots in the Navy. What you do up there is dangerous. But you’ve got to go on.”

“No you don’t understand,” he says softly, hoping she’ll get the fucking hint and leave.

“When I first met you, you were larger than life.” It’s almost a sneer, and Pete hopes she’s finally got the fucking hint that he’s so done. “Look at you.”

Pete is getting pissed, and he knows he’s going to say something he can’t take back, but she just won’t quit. “You’re not going to be happy unless you’re going Mach two with your hair on fire, you know that.”

“No. It’s over. It’s just over.” He makes it sound as lifeless as possible.

“To be the best of the best, you make mistakes and then you go on. It’s just like the rest of us.”

“You don’t think I know that?” he growls. He can finally see Tom moving towards them, and Pete curses him for not doing it sooner.

“I’m here to help!”

“If I wanted help, I would’ve asked for it.” He blows out an aggravated breath as her eyes scan the room. When they land on Tom walking towards them she scoffs. If he won’t take help from me, there’s no way he’ll listen to his arch rival , she thinks.

“So I’m too late!” She carries on with more nonsense, but Pete tunes her out. His jaw is clenched so tight when she makes a dig about him quitting, like his dad . She doesn’t say it, but it’s heavily implied and Tom has finally had enough. “That’s enough!” His voice booms in the quiet room, and Charlie just rolls her eyes.

“He’s already gone,” she scoffs. “Not like he’d listen to you anyways.”

Tom doesn’t dignify that with a response and she stomps out of the airport. Good riddance , he thinks. He’d heard more of their conversation than he’d liked and he mulls over how to approach Pete as he makes his way to him.

“Water you say?” Tom asks, nodding to Pete’s drink as he sits down letting him know he’d heard the previous conversation, even though Pete had met his eyes more than once. He gives Tom a nod and then he’s ordering one as well. They just sit there, Mav almost asleep on the table and Tom watching him.

“Can I take you home? Get some sleep in a bed instead of this table?” His voice is soft like when they’re sneaking time just the two of them, and it makes Pete want to cry.

“Won’t sleep. Can’t sleep. I’m fine.”

Tom’s hand closes around Pete’s forearm giving it a squeeze. He doesn’t give a fuck in that moment that they’re in public. Pete is his only concern. “You’re not fine, but that is ok. You shouldn’t be expected to just be fine after everything.”

Pete cracks his eyes open and just watches his boyfriend, if he can even still call him that after the last couple of weeks of Pete avoiding him. “Why are you here?”

“Why do you think?” He wants to scream that he loves him, that he cares about him, but he refrains. It’s not what Pete needs to hear in this moment.

“Afraid of having no competition Ice man?”

Tom snarls at that, his icy glare boring into Pete. He knows Pete is just lashing out because of the conversation with Charlie, but it still stings. “No, asshole. You know better.”

“Do I?”

He takes a deep breath, counting to ten before replying. “You should.” Pete seems to deflate before his eyes meet Tom’s once more. “I know things have been a lot. I know you’re not sleeping. But please…. Let me take you home right now? If you still want to leave after some sleep, I’ll bring you back and book the ticket myself.”

Pete eyes him for several long minutes, before he finally gives in with a nod. Tom lets out a relieved breath, before he pulls Pete up and out the door. He takes the bike keys out of Pete’s jacket and tosses them to Slider as they head for Slider’s truck. “Thanks,” he whispers to his best friend, who just gives him a nod. Pete is asleep before they’re out of the parking lot.

Tom carries him in and tucks him into bed once back at their housing. Slider hits the couch, and Tom isn’t the least bit surprised when Pete tries to cling to him when he goes to leave. He gives a small smile even though Pete is still asleep, and slides into bed with him. Pete sleeps like the dead, the exhaustion finally winning out. It’s early the next morning, the sun not even up yet, when Pete wakes. Tom rouses easily when he feels Pete moving, and he pulls him against him, barely kissing his forehead.

“Morning,” he whispers.

“Morning.” Pete’s voice is gravelly and Tom moves to get him some water. Pete gives him a small smile as he drinks it down before curling back into the blankets. Tom lays back with him, his arm stroking up and down Pete’s back in comfort. He’s thought over his words very carefully since yesterday, not wanting to make things worse or scare Pete off once more. “I know you’ve been avoiding me and I know you want to quit.” He feels Pete tense under him, and he barely holds in his sigh. “But I don’t think you should quit. You’re a talented pilot Pete, and the accident was not your fault. I know you think it is, and I know no matter what anyone says, you’re going to blame yourself. But it wasn’t your fault.”

“Then who’s was it?” His voice is so small, and Tom knows he’s just looking for somewhere to place the blame so he can absolve himself of the guilt he can’t let go.

“Mine.”

Pete shoots up, hovering over Tom, his head already shaking in denial.

“How so?” Tom asks. His hand has not stopped rubbing up and down Pete’s back the whole time.

“It wasn’t yours Tom.”

“Explain it to me. How was it not mine?”

“You’re not the one who lost control and couldn’t get it back!”

“No. But you didn’t lose control Mav. You flew through jet wash. A freak accident that could happen to any of us. I know you did your best to regain control in the spin. But it wasn’t possible.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Pete sinks back down in the bed, his head resting on Tom’s chest.

“It was my jet wash Pete. I took too long to make the shot. If I had just got out of your way the first time maybe things would be different.”

Pete struggles to find an argument for that, but he’ll be damned if he lets Tom carry any guilt for this when it wasn’t his fault. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“It wasn’t yours either.”

They lay there in silence, Pete sinking further into the comfort of being with Tom once more.

“Does your family know?” Tom eventually asks because he doesn't remember seeing anyone out of the ordinary at the hospital or the funeral.

“Yea.”

“All the details?”

“Yea,” Pete whispers.

Tom hums thoughtfully. “Maybe it would do you some good to pay them a visit?” Tom suggests. He’s not sure what their relationship is like, but he remembers how carefree Pete was when he returned from family dinner after the volleyball match. Tom’s willing to risk anything at this point to help Pete.

“Maybe. I’ll think it over.”

Tom just nods and Pete ends up drifting back off in the silence. Tom manages to pull him out of bed around lunch and between him and Slider they’re able to get Pete to eat some pizza. He ends up curled in the corner of the couch watching a baseball game after, and then he’s crawling back in bed around sunset. They didn’t try to force too much on him that day, knowing he needed rest more than anything.

Tom is surprised to find Pete still awake when he crawls into bed a little later.

“I used the phone in here earlier.”

“Ok?” He can tell Pete is nervous, but he’s not sure why.

“I took your advice. I think… I think I’m going to go home for a visit tomorrow.”

“I think that’d be good for you.” Tom softly kisses his forehead as Pete finally relaxes once more and cuddles close.

“I’d love for you to come with me,” Pete whispers in the dark. “But it’s… I’m protecting you too.”

“I know Mav. Maybe one day, when you’re ready.”

“Yea… maybe.”

It’s not long after that Pete drifts off into another deep sleep.

The next morning, Pete heads back over to his place to clean up and change clothes before his visit. He wasn’t lying when he said he wished Tom could come with him, but right now it’s too risky. He knows he still looks like death, and Carrie is going to fret, but he can’t change it. He throws on his jacket and his aviators before jumping on his bike and taking off.

Once there, he notices his sister’s car in the drive as well and he sighs. He takes a deep breath, steeling himself for whatever inquisition Cat will bring, and heads for the front door. He tries to remind himself that it’s a good thing he’s here, but he just feels weighed down and nervous. He knows he’s probably been a huge disappointment to Mike the last week and half, and it’s killing him inside on top of losing his brother. After another deep breath on the stoop, he rings the doorbell - something he rarely does, heart in his throat. He's not surprised when Carrie answers. "Pete? Oh honey come in. You know you never have to knock."

He steps through the door, and before he can say anything she's pulling him into her arms. "Pete. Just breathe," she whispers, holding him tight.

"Mom," he chokes out.

"Jamie honey go help your sister," Carrie calls over her shoulder knowing Pete wouldn't want his siblings seeing him break down.

"It's ok. You're ok," she whispers over and over, rubbing his back. "I'm here Pete. You're ok."

He clings to her, breathing in the familiar scent as tears roll down his cheeks. He hears the stairs creak and knows Mike is coming down. He tries to pull back and straighten up, but Carrie just holds him tighter. "No. Right now you're here as our son. You stay right here as long as you need."

Pete's never been able to tell her no, so he stays right there until he feels his heart rate settle. "You're staying for dinner," she tells him, when he finally pulls back. She cups his cheek and gently wipes his tears. "Yes mam."

She gives Mike a stern look before she leaves them. "C'mere kid."

He breathes a huge sigh of relief when Pete still sinks into his hugs like when he was a kid. He’s careful of Pete’s fading bruises, but he holds him tight. Watching him struggle this week has almost broke Mike. He rests his chin on the top of Pete’s head. “I’m so glad you came home.”

“I…. I’ve been so mad at you!”

“I know. I know.” He lets out another sigh. “So has your mom kid.”

Pete can’t stop the snort of laughter at that. Carrie has always been protective of him, so he’s not really surprised by that.

“I…. I don’t know what to do Dad.” Mike’s heart breaks hearing such uncertainty and heartbreak in his kids voice.

Mike gently squeezes the back of his neck before he steers him towards his study. It’s been so long since Pete has actually called him “Dad” so he soaks it in for a minute. He settles on the couch beside his kid, weighing his words.

“I heard you were gone,” he starts with.

“Charlie?”

“Mmmm. So I’m curious what brought you back?” Mike’s watching him carefully and it makes Pete nervous. Mike didn’t really believe much of what Charlie told him, but he also wants to see what Pete says about it.

“I….” Pete chews on his lip and stares out the window. “I couldn’t leave without telling Mom bye. She’d never forgive me.”

“This is true. But…” Mike reaches over and squeezes his knee bringing Pete’s attention back to him. “But you wouldn’t ask me what to do if you were really leaving.”

“No, sir.”

“Pete… You’re not here as my Lieutenant. You’re here as my son…. I hope,” he tacks on at the end quietly.

“I am. I just… It’s already dangerous enough that the brass might find out you took me in. How you’ve kept it a secret this long and kept it out of the inquiry, I don’t know. Them not knowing protects us both and I…” he gets up to pace unable to sit still any longer. “I’ve already almost cost you a lot. I’m no good just like everybody says and if I tell you…”

Mike cuts him off at that; he spins Pete to face him, gently cupping his cheeks. “Don’t ever say that about my kid again. You are perfect the way you are Pete and if people can’t see that, then that’s their loss.”

Pete gives him a feeble nod.

“We’ll tell you as long as it takes, just like when you were a kid. But you are perfect just the way you are.”

“If I tell you, I’m just asking you to keep more secrets, more things you’ll think you have to protect me from. That’s not fair to you.”

“You’d be surprised at the things a parent would do for their kid. I know you probably don’t remember it, but I told you in the hospital if it came to you or the Navy, I’d pick you every time. That hasn’t changed kiddo. Never will.”

Pete absorbs the words and knows they’re true. Mike would sacrifice it all for him, even if he doesn’t deserve it. “It was Ice,” he whispers, his gaze dropping to the floor. “He came in right behind Charlie.”

“Mmmm. I had a feeling.”

Pete’s head jerks up at that, but Mike quickly reassures him. “Don’t. It’s just because I know you son. Nothing is obvious.”

Pete lets out a deep sigh, his body sagging almost as if his strings had been cut once more.

“Come on let’s take a walk. Get you some fresh air.”

Pete follows him out the back door into the yard overlooking the ocean. He hates how close the neighbors are, but that’s base living for you. He briefly wonders where Jamie is running off to so close to dinner, but his head is quickly drawn back to Mike. He hasn’t been able to go near the ocean since the accident, but breathing in the salty air he grew up with, relaxes him. “You have two options. First you’ve acquired enough points to show up and graduate with your Top Gun class. Or… you quit. There’d be no disgrace in quitting Pete. That spin was hell. It would’ve shook me up. Hell listening back to it shook me up. Not just because you’re my kid either.”

Pete stares out over the ocean, trying hard not to let the accident play in his mind. Mike’s hand on his shoulder draws his attention back once more. “So you think I should quit?” he asks less confidently than he’d like.

“I didn’t say that Pete. I’m just laying out your options. But… you feel responsible for Goose, and you’ve been off your game. You’ve lost your confidence. I know you know this Pete, but a good pilot is always compelled to evaluate what’s happened so he can apply what he’s learned. Pushing it in the air is our job. We have to do it. It’s why I put you right back up once you were cleared. As a father, I would’ve never even considered it. As your CO, I had no choice. I had to push you.” He pauses as he considers whether to keep pushing in that moment, but thinks better of it. Pete’s had enough pushing since the accident. It’s time to just let him be.”I can’t make this decision for you kid. But I can say I will support whatever decision you decide. So will your mom.”

Before Pete can answer he feels little arms wrap around his legs and he looks down to see his adorable niece clinging to him babbling in her little gibberish. “Well hey there Cin,” he grins, lifting her into his arms. He’d given her a nickname just like he’d given her mom when he’d been a kid. It was something just for them and it always made him smile knowing Cat let him get away with it to make him feel comfortable. Mike smiles watching Pete relax into himself and smile for the first time in weeks.

“I’m guessing someone escaped from your sister,” Mike laughs, as they turn to head back into the house.

His older sister is standing on the back steps with her hands on her hips. “Sorry. Someone was determined to see you.”

“It’s alright. I’m glad she found me.” He tickles her belly, drawing out a giggle before Cynthia buries her face in his neck babbling “Mab” over and over. Mav was easier to say than Pete so they’d taught her the shortened version of his callsign for now.

“I’m glad you're home,” she says softly, drawing Mav into a hug, squishing her daughter between them.

“Just for dinner. You know I can’t be here much.”

“Still. I’m glad you’re here.”

He follows her into the kitchen where Carrie is finishing up dinner. “Where’d Jamie run off to earlier?”

“The beach. She’ll be back.”

Mav bounces Cin in his arms to hear her giggles once more. He’s not sure he’ll ever be able to step back onto the beach or in the ocean ever again.

“She got a boyfriend she was meeting?” Cat asks, causing Mav to freeze.

“Nope. Nope. No. We are not doing this. No. It was bad enough when you started dating and got married. Baby sis is not doing this too.”

“Like you can stop her. Couldn’t stop me. Besides, she's eighteen now, Mav.”

“Oh I can talk her out of it. Just you wait.”

Cat rolls her eyes and takes Cin from him. “Well go for it little brother,” she smirks pointing towards the beach. She’s calling his bluff and he knows it.

“Fine!” he huffs as he stomps out. Carrie and Mike join her at the door to see if he’ll actually do it, all three holding their breath. He gets to the edge of the sand and freezes, his eyes staring at the waves. He feels his lungs start to burn making him realize he’s holding his breath, but he can’t seem to draw in any air.

“Damn it Catherine. I told you not to push him just yet. I’ve done enough of it the last few weeks.”

“Dad. You know he’s gotta work through this.”

“Antagonizing him to go to the beach wasn’t the way.”

“I got it,” she tells him with an eye roll, passing Cynthia off to Mike as she goes out the door. She walks up behind her brother, carefully wrapping her arms around him. She rests her head against the back of his neck as she keeps tightening her arms. “Just breathe Pete. Follow my breaths.”

It takes several, several minutes, but he does end up matching her breathing. “Cat?” he chokes when he doesn’t feel like the world is going to fade to black.

“I’m here. I’m sorry. I thought… I thought if I made it a challenge you could do it. I shouldn’t have pushed.”

“I…”

“It’s ok. I see Jamie coming back now. Let’s go back in and you can wear my child out so she’ll sleep like a rock tonight ok? She doesn’t get enough time with her Uncle Mav, so let’s give her all the time possible.”

He gives a nod and lets his sister spin him back towards the house. “We’ll tag team Jamie after dinner too,” she smirks, letting out a relieved breath when Pete smirks back at her. “But first, please tell me you have someone and you’re not losing yourself in the Navy?”

“Uhhhh not really been top priority there sis.”

“So the blonde at the funeral that couldn’t leave your side isn’t your other half?”

Pete freezes once more causing Cat to sigh. “Would you stop doing that?! Dad is going to have my head.”

“What… Cat… you…”

“Relax! It’s just me. Your big sis, your secret keeper, your partner in crime? Remember me? You know you can tell me anything Pete and it stays between us.”

“It would ruin his career if it got out. He’s got big dreams, and he deserves to reach them. Why he’s wast....”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” she growls. “You’ve never been a waste Peter Duke Mitchell-Metcalf and you never will be.” His big sister has always been overprotective of the sacred little boy that came into her life as her little brother. Some things never change. He also knows she’s really good at keeping secrets for him, even if he hates he has to ask her to keep this one if he wants to be honest with her.

His head falls to her shoulder as he softly sighs. “Fine. Yes. Tom and I have been seeing each other since like the first day of class.”

“So almost six weeks. I believe that might just be your longest yet,” she teases.

“Oh fuck off,” he laughs as he pushes her away.

“Don’t be letting your niece hear you talking like that!”

“Like you don’t cuss like a sailor too?!”

They reach the back door and Cin comes running back to Mav. “Hi sweet baby. Let’s go play til Gigi is ready for us to eat.”

“My Mab,” she babbles, squishing his cheeks between her tiny hands.

“Yea I’m all yours princess.”

The night turns out to be just what Mav needs, and when he leaves, he’s the most relaxed he’s been in two weeks. He heads back to Tom’s base housing, knowing he can’t go to his alone right now. Slider is perched on the couch watching a game, and Tom is in the kitchen when he enters.

“Hey pipsqueak,” Slider calls as Mav heads straight through to the kitchen. He’s still not sure how to handle Slider being extra nice to him, so he just nods and keeps going.

“Hey,” Tom smiles over his shoulder at him.

Mav walks over and wraps his arms around him, burying his face in Tom’s back. “Hey.”

“Feel better?”

“Some.” Tom spins in Pete’s arms and tilts his boyfriend’s face up to him.

“You look more relaxed,” he murmurs softly before giving him an even softer kiss.

“Both of my sisters and my niece were there. Cin is… She’s two and she’s really good for somebody.”

“Mmmm yea I bet. Carole stopped by with B. Told her you’d gone on a visit. She said to call her.”

He feels Pete tense in his arms but he just keeps talking. “W… Wh…Why?” Pete finally gets out.

“Why what babe?”

“Why’d she… why would she…. Why call her?”

Tom softly cups Pete’s cheeks as he stares into the eyes he loves so much. “Sweetheart, why wouldn’t she be looking for you or wanting to talk to you? She said she hasn’t heard from you in two weeks and she’s worried.”

“I… I … Why? I killed Nick! I took her husband, Bradley’s dad! Why would she want anything to do with me?!?!?!?!”

Tom sees Ron in the doorway, having come when Pete started yelling. Tom was at a loss on what to say though because Carole and Bradley were Pete’s family.

“Because she’s worried about you, Mav. You’re like her brother. Bradley’s uncle. Bradley was looking all over for you here because he misses you. They don’t blame you,” Slider said softly.

Pete turned, staring at him with wild eyes. “I killed Nick!”

Slider walked closer, but kept some distance so Pete didn’t feel caged in by them. “No you didn’t. It was a freak accident. The board ruled on it. Viper’s told you that. We’ve told you that. No one… absolutely no one blames you. Everybody knows how much Goose meant to you and that you would never do anything to harm him. It was not your fault.”

“Sli’s right,” Tom whispers into his neck where he’s holding him tight. “We’ll tell you as many times as you need to hear it, but it wasn’t your fault.”

“It feels like my fault,” he cries, sagging in Tom’s hold.

“It feels like ours too,” Slider says. He walks closer wrapping them both in his arms, both of them hugging Pete as tight as they dared knowing he was still sore. Once Pete is all cried out, Tom takes him to shower while Ron calls Carole with Pete’s permission to bring Bradley back over.

It’s a night of more tears, of healing, of meaningful conversations reaffirming Pete’s place in their life as Carole’s brother and Bradley’s uncle. Bradley even falls asleep in Pete’s arms, and no one has the heart to move him. Graduation is in two days, and still no one knows exactly what Pete is going to do.

#my writing #maverick chronicles #icemav #icemav fic #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #ron slider kerner #mike viper metcalf #vipapa #metcalf family oc #top gun #tg #top gun fic #tg fic #self reblog

16 notes · View notes

tngrace · 20 days

Text

how to find literally any post on a blog in seconds (on desktop)

there are so many posts about ~tumblr is so broken, you can’t find any post on your own blog, it’s impossible, bluhrblub~

I am here to tell you otherwise! it is in fact INCREDIBLY easy to find a post on a blog if you’re on desktop/browser and you know what you’re doing:

url.tumblr.com/tagged/croissant will bring up EVERY post on the blog tagged with the specific and exact phrase #croissant. every single post, every single time. in chronological order starting with the most recent post. note: it will not find #croissants or that time you made the typo #croidnssants. for a tag with multiple words, it’s just /tagged/my-croissant and it will show you everything with the exact phrase #my croissant

url.tumblr.com/tagged/croissant/chrono will bring up EVERY post on the blog tagged with the exact phrase #croissant, but it will show them in reverse order with the oldest first

url.tumblr.com/search/croissant isn’t as perfect at finding everything, but it’s generally loads better than the search on mobile. it will find a good array of posts that have the word croissant in them somewhere. could be in the body of the post (op captioned it “look at my croissant”) or in the tags (#man I want a croissant). it won’t necessarily find EVERYTHING like /tagged/ does, but I find it’s still more reliable than search on mobile. you can sometimes even find posts by a specific user by searching their url. also, unlike whatever random assortment tumblr mobile pulls up, it will still show them in a more logically chronological order

url.tumblr.com/day/2020/11/05 will show you every post on the blog from november 5th, 2020, in case you’re taking a break from croissants to look for destiel election memes

url.tumblr.com/archive/ is search paradise. easily go to a particular month and see all posts as thumbnails! search by post type! search by tags but as thumbnails now

url.tumblr.com/archive/filter-by/audio will show you every audio post on your blog (you can also filter by other post types). sometimes a little imperfect if you’re looking for a video when the op embedded the video in a text post instead of posting as a video post, etc

url.tumblr.com/archive/tagged/croissant will show you EVERY post on the blog tagged with the specific and exact phrase #croissant, but it will show you them in the archive thumbnail view divided by months. very useful if you’re looking for a specific picture of a croissant that was reblogged 6 months ago and want to be able to scan for it quickly

url.tumblr.com/archive/filter-by/audio/tagged/croissant will show you every audio post tagged with the specific phrase #croissant (you can also filter by photo or text instead, because I don’t know why you have audio posts tagged croissant)

the tag system on desktop tumblr is GENUINELY amazing for searching within a specific blog!

caveat: this assumes a person HAS a desktop theme (or “custom theme”) enabled. a “custom theme” is url.tumblr.com, as opposed to tumblr.com/url. I’ve heard you have to opt-into the former now, when it used to be the default, so not everyone HAS a custom theme where you can use all those neat url tricks.

if the person doesn’t have a “custom theme” enabled, you’re beholden to the search bar. still, I’ve found the search bar on tumblr.com/url is WAY more reliable than search on mobile. for starters, it tends to bring posts up in a sensible order, instead of dredging up random posts from 2013 before anything else

if you’re on mobile, I’m sorry. godspeed and good luck finding anything. (my one tip is that if you’re able to click ON a tag rather than go through the search bar, you’ll have better luck. if your mutual has recently reblogged a post tagged #croissant, you can click #croissant and it’ll bring up everything tagged #croissant just like /tagged/croissant. but if there’s no readily available tag to click on, you have to rely on the mobile search bar and its weird bizarre whims)

#need to know info #saving

51K notes · View notes

tngrace · 21 days

Text

Chapter 4

A03; Tumbler Masterlists: Main; Mav Chronicles

Carole telling him Goose would do it without him feels hollow because he doesn’t think he can do this. It doesn’t feel right. Nothing feels right without Goose by his side.

He’s waiting on the tarmac for his first flight back, Goose’s tags tumbling back and forth in his hands as he’s lost in thought.

“He won’t engage Mike, not in the air or on the ground.”

“It’s only been a few days.”

“I know. I know. But he might not make it back from this.”

Mike sighs knowing Rick might just be right. “Keep sending him up.”

“Mike…”

“And if he quits?”

Mike is silent, stewing over the question.

“Mike, have you even talked to him?”

“Not since the hospital,” Mike sighs, sinking into his desk chair. “I had to make sure the Brass were done snooping around. You know it would kill Pete if they made the connection now.”

“Maybe you should talk to him… not as a Commander.”

“Maybe…. I don’t know that he’ll want to talk to me though.”

“Try.”

Mike catches Tom’s eye across the tarmac, Tom and Ron having been observing from a distance as well. Tom drops his eye before Mike can convey or deduce anything and then he’s gone.

“Well?”

“He’s gone. I… I didn’t know what to say to stop him. He won’t even look at me anymore.”

“He’s hurting Tom. He doesn't know what he’s doing.”

“He asked for space and I gave it to him.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have.” Tom gives him the side eye glare because they’ve had this argument plenty over the last several days.

Tom ponders his words and finally decides maybe Slider is right. “He’ll probably go to the airport,” Tom concedes.

“Let’s go get him.”

“Excuse me?” Pete jerks at her voice. He has no clue what she’s doing there and he definitely doesn’t want to see her. “May I?”

Despite not wanting to see her, Carrie raised a polite man, so he nods.

“Ice water,” he gets out quietly.

She acts like she doesn’t believe him and it grates on his thin frayed nerves. He just clenches his jaw to keep from saying something smart.

“You weren’t going to say goodbye?” He’s not sure why she still thinks he owes her something.

“I heard you got that job in Washington,” he says instead. “Congratulations,” he tacks on, again hearing Carrie’s voice in his head about manners.

“You don’t even have a ticket do you?”

“Listen, I’ve seen all the evidence, and it’s not your responsibility. It’s not your fault.”

“You’re one of the best pilots in the Navy. What you do up there is dangerous. But you’ve got to go on.”

“No you don’t understand,” he says softly, hoping she’ll get the fucking hint and leave.

“When I first met you, you were larger than life.” It’s almost a sneer, and Pete hopes she’s finally got the fucking hint that he’s so done. “Look at you.”

“No. It’s over. It’s just over.” He makes it sound as lifeless as possible.

“To be the best of the best, you make mistakes and then you go on. It’s just like the rest of us.”

“You don’t think I know that?” he growls. He can finally see Tom moving towards them, and Pete curses him for not doing it sooner.

“I’m here to help!”

“He’s already gone,” she scoffs. “Not like he’d listen to you anyways.”

“Can I take you home? Get some sleep in a bed instead of this table?” His voice is soft like when they’re sneaking time just the two of them, and it makes Pete want to cry.

“Won’t sleep. Can’t sleep. I’m fine.”

Pete cracks his eyes open and just watches his boyfriend, if he can even still call him that after the last couple of weeks of Pete avoiding him. “Why are you here?”

“Why do you think?” He wants to scream that he loves him, that he cares about him, but he refrains. It’s not what Pete needs to hear in this moment.

“Afraid of having no competition Ice man?”

Tom snarls at that, his icy glare boring into Pete. He knows Pete is just lashing out because of the conversation with Charlie, but it still stings. “No, asshole. You know better.”

“Do I?”

“Morning,” he whispers.

“Then who’s was it?” His voice is so small, and Tom knows he’s just looking for somewhere to place the blame so he can absolve himself of the guilt he can’t let go.

“Mine.”

Pete shoots up, hovering over Tom, his head already shaking in denial.

“How so?” Tom asks. His hand has not stopped rubbing up and down Pete’s back the whole time.

“It wasn’t yours Tom.”

“Explain it to me. How was it not mine?”

“You’re not the one who lost control and couldn’t get it back!”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Pete sinks back down in the bed, his head resting on Tom’s chest.

“It was my jet wash Pete. I took too long to make the shot. If I had just got out of your way the first time maybe things would be different.”

Pete struggles to find an argument for that, but he’ll be damned if he lets Tom carry any guilt for this when it wasn’t his fault. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“It wasn’t yours either.”

They lay there in silence, Pete sinking further into the comfort of being with Tom once more.

“Does your family know?” Tom eventually asks because he doesn't remember seeing anyone out of the ordinary at the hospital or the funeral.

“Yea.”

“All the details?”

“Yea,” Pete whispers.

“Maybe. I’ll think it over.”

Tom is surprised to find Pete still awake when he crawls into bed a little later.

“I used the phone in here earlier.”

“Ok?” He can tell Pete is nervous, but he’s not sure why.

“I took your advice. I think… I think I’m going to go home for a visit tomorrow.”

“I think that’d be good for you.” Tom softly kisses his forehead as Pete finally relaxes once more and cuddles close.

“I’d love for you to come with me,” Pete whispers in the dark. “But it’s… I’m protecting you too.”

“I know Mav. Maybe one day, when you’re ready.”

“Yea… maybe.”

It’s not long after that Pete drifts off into another deep sleep.

He steps through the door, and before he can say anything she's pulling him into her arms. "Pete. Just breathe," she whispers, holding him tight.

"Mom," he chokes out.

"Jamie honey go help your sister," Carrie calls over her shoulder knowing Pete wouldn't want his siblings seeing him break down.

"It's ok. You're ok," she whispers over and over, rubbing his back. "I'm here Pete. You're ok."

She gives Mike a stern look before she leaves them. "C'mere kid."

“I…. I’ve been so mad at you!”

“I know. I know.” He lets out another sigh. “So has your mom kid.”

Pete can’t stop the snort of laughter at that. Carrie has always been protective of him, so he’s not really surprised by that.

“I…. I don’t know what to do Dad.” Mike’s heart breaks hearing such uncertainty and heartbreak in his kids voice.

“I heard you were gone,” he starts with.

“Charlie?”

“I….” Pete chews on his lip and stares out the window. “I couldn’t leave without telling Mom bye. She’d never forgive me.”

“This is true. But…” Mike reaches over and squeezes his knee bringing Pete’s attention back to him. “But you wouldn’t ask me what to do if you were really leaving.”

“No, sir.”

“Pete… You’re not here as my Lieutenant. You’re here as my son…. I hope,” he tacks on at the end quietly.

Pete gives him a feeble nod.

“We’ll tell you as long as it takes, just like when you were a kid. But you are perfect just the way you are.”

“If I tell you, I’m just asking you to keep more secrets, more things you’ll think you have to protect me from. That’s not fair to you.”

“Mmmm. I had a feeling.”

Pete’s head jerks up at that, but Mike quickly reassures him. “Don’t. It’s just because I know you son. Nothing is obvious.”

Pete lets out a deep sigh, his body sagging almost as if his strings had been cut once more.

“Come on let’s take a walk. Get you some fresh air.”

“I’m guessing someone escaped from your sister,” Mike laughs, as they turn to head back into the house.

His older sister is standing on the back steps with her hands on her hips. “Sorry. Someone was determined to see you.”

“I’m glad you're home,” she says softly, drawing Mav into a hug, squishing her daughter between them.

“Just for dinner. You know I can’t be here much.”

“Still. I’m glad you’re here.”

He follows her into the kitchen where Carrie is finishing up dinner. “Where’d Jamie run off to earlier?”

“The beach. She’ll be back.”

Mav bounces Cin in his arms to hear her giggles once more. He’s not sure he’ll ever be able to step back onto the beach or in the ocean ever again.

“She got a boyfriend she was meeting?” Cat asks, causing Mav to freeze.

“Nope. Nope. No. We are not doing this. No. It was bad enough when you started dating and got married. Baby sis is not doing this too.”

“Like you can stop her. Couldn’t stop me. Besides, she's eighteen now, Mav.”

“Oh I can talk her out of it. Just you wait.”

Cat rolls her eyes and takes Cin from him. “Well go for it little brother,” she smirks pointing towards the beach. She’s calling his bluff and he knows it.

“Damn it Catherine. I told you not to push him just yet. I’ve done enough of it the last few weeks.”

“Dad. You know he’s gotta work through this.”

“Antagonizing him to go to the beach wasn’t the way.”

It takes several, several minutes, but he does end up matching her breathing. “Cat?” he chokes when he doesn’t feel like the world is going to fade to black.

“I’m here. I’m sorry. I thought… I thought if I made it a challenge you could do it. I shouldn’t have pushed.”

“I…”

“Uhhhh not really been top priority there sis.”

“So the blonde at the funeral that couldn’t leave your side isn’t your other half?”

Pete freezes once more causing Cat to sigh. “Would you stop doing that?! Dad is going to have my head.”

“What… Cat… you…”

“Relax! It’s just me. Your big sis, your secret keeper, your partner in crime? Remember me? You know you can tell me anything Pete and it stays between us.”

“It would ruin his career if it got out. He’s got big dreams, and he deserves to reach them. Why he’s wast....”

His head falls to her shoulder as he softly sighs. “Fine. Yes. Tom and I have been seeing each other since like the first day of class.”

“So almost six weeks. I believe that might just be your longest yet,” she teases.

“Oh fuck off,” he laughs as he pushes her away.

“Don’t be letting your niece hear you talking like that!”

“Like you don’t cuss like a sailor too?!”

They reach the back door and Cin comes running back to Mav. “Hi sweet baby. Let’s go play til Gigi is ready for us to eat.”

“My Mab,” she babbles, squishing his cheeks between her tiny hands.

“Yea I’m all yours princess.”

“Hey pipsqueak,” Slider calls as Mav heads straight through to the kitchen. He’s still not sure how to handle Slider being extra nice to him, so he just nods and keeps going.

“Hey,” Tom smiles over his shoulder at him.

Mav walks over and wraps his arms around him, burying his face in Tom’s back. “Hey.”

“Feel better?”

“Some.” Tom spins in Pete’s arms and tilts his boyfriend’s face up to him.

“You look more relaxed,” he murmurs softly before giving him an even softer kiss.

“Both of my sisters and my niece were there. Cin is… She’s two and she’s really good for somebody.”

“Mmmm yea I bet. Carole stopped by with B. Told her you’d gone on a visit. She said to call her.”

He feels Pete tense in his arms but he just keeps talking. “W… Wh…Why?” Pete finally gets out.

“Why what babe?”

“Why’d she… why would she…. Why call her?”

“I… I … Why? I killed Nick! I took her husband, Bradley’s dad! Why would she want anything to do with me?!?!?!?!”

Tom sees Ron in the doorway, having come when Pete started yelling. Tom was at a loss on what to say though because Carole and Bradley were Pete’s family.

Pete turned, staring at him with wild eyes. “I killed Nick!”

“Sli’s right,” Tom whispers into his neck where he’s holding him tight. “We’ll tell you as many times as you need to hear it, but it wasn’t your fault.”

“It feels like my fault,” he cries, sagging in Tom’s hold.

16 notes · View notes

tngrace · 22 days

Text

Chapter 4

A03; Tumbler Masterlists: Main; Mav Chronicles

Carole telling him Goose would do it without him feels hollow because he doesn’t think he can do this. It doesn’t feel right. Nothing feels right without Goose by his side.

He’s waiting on the tarmac for his first flight back, Goose’s tags tumbling back and forth in his hands as he’s lost in thought.

“He won’t engage Mike, not in the air or on the ground.”

“It’s only been a few days.”

“I know. I know. But he might not make it back from this.”

Mike sighs knowing Rick might just be right. “Keep sending him up.”

“Mike…”

“And if he quits?”

Mike is silent, stewing over the question.

“Mike, have you even talked to him?”

“Not since the hospital,” Mike sighs, sinking into his desk chair. “I had to make sure the Brass were done snooping around. You know it would kill Pete if they made the connection now.”

“Maybe you should talk to him… not as a Commander.”

“Maybe…. I don’t know that he’ll want to talk to me though.”

“Try.”

Mike catches Tom’s eye across the tarmac, Tom and Ron having been observing from a distance as well. Tom drops his eye before Mike can convey or deduce anything and then he’s gone.

“Well?”

“He’s gone. I… I didn’t know what to say to stop him. He won’t even look at me anymore.”

“He’s hurting Tom. He doesn't know what he’s doing.”

“He asked for space and I gave it to him.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have.” Tom gives him the side eye glare because they’ve had this argument plenty over the last several days.

Tom ponders his words and finally decides maybe Slider is right. “He’ll probably go to the airport,” Tom concedes.

“Let’s go get him.”

“Excuse me?” Pete jerks at her voice. He has no clue what she’s doing there and he definitely doesn’t want to see her. “May I?”

Despite not wanting to see her, Carrie raised a polite man, so he nods.

“Ice water,” he gets out quietly.

She acts like she doesn’t believe him and it grates on his thin frayed nerves. He just clenches his jaw to keep from saying something smart.

“You weren’t going to say goodbye?” He’s not sure why she still thinks he owes her something.

“I heard you got that job in Washington,” he says instead. “Congratulations,” he tacks on, again hearing Carrie’s voice in his head about manners.

“You don’t even have a ticket do you?”

“Listen, I’ve seen all the evidence, and it’s not your responsibility. It’s not your fault.”

“You’re one of the best pilots in the Navy. What you do up there is dangerous. But you’ve got to go on.”

“No you don’t understand,” he says softly, hoping she’ll get the fucking hint and leave.

“When I first met you, you were larger than life.” It’s almost a sneer, and Pete hopes she’s finally got the fucking hint that he’s so done. “Look at you.”

“No. It’s over. It’s just over.” He makes it sound as lifeless as possible.

“To be the best of the best, you make mistakes and then you go on. It’s just like the rest of us.”

“You don’t think I know that?” he growls. He can finally see Tom moving towards them, and Pete curses him for not doing it sooner.

“I’m here to help!”

“He’s already gone,” she scoffs. “Not like he’d listen to you anyways.”

“Can I take you home? Get some sleep in a bed instead of this table?” His voice is soft like when they’re sneaking time just the two of them, and it makes Pete want to cry.

“Won’t sleep. Can’t sleep. I’m fine.”

Pete cracks his eyes open and just watches his boyfriend, if he can even still call him that after the last couple of weeks of Pete avoiding him. “Why are you here?”

“Why do you think?” He wants to scream that he loves him, that he cares about him, but he refrains. It’s not what Pete needs to hear in this moment.

“Afraid of having no competition Ice man?”

Tom snarls at that, his icy glare boring into Pete. He knows Pete is just lashing out because of the conversation with Charlie, but it still stings. “No, asshole. You know better.”

“Do I?”

“Morning,” he whispers.

“Then who’s was it?” His voice is so small, and Tom knows he’s just looking for somewhere to place the blame so he can absolve himself of the guilt he can’t let go.

“Mine.”

Pete shoots up, hovering over Tom, his head already shaking in denial.

“How so?” Tom asks. His hand has not stopped rubbing up and down Pete’s back the whole time.

“It wasn’t yours Tom.”

“Explain it to me. How was it not mine?”

“You’re not the one who lost control and couldn’t get it back!”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Pete sinks back down in the bed, his head resting on Tom’s chest.

“It was my jet wash Pete. I took too long to make the shot. If I had just got out of your way the first time maybe things would be different.”

Pete struggles to find an argument for that, but he’ll be damned if he lets Tom carry any guilt for this when it wasn’t his fault. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“It wasn’t yours either.”

They lay there in silence, Pete sinking further into the comfort of being with Tom once more.

“Does your family know?” Tom eventually asks because he doesn't remember seeing anyone out of the ordinary at the hospital or the funeral.

“Yea.”

“All the details?”

“Yea,” Pete whispers.

“Maybe. I’ll think it over.”

Tom is surprised to find Pete still awake when he crawls into bed a little later.

“I used the phone in here earlier.”

“Ok?” He can tell Pete is nervous, but he’s not sure why.

“I took your advice. I think… I think I’m going to go home for a visit tomorrow.”

“I think that’d be good for you.” Tom softly kisses his forehead as Pete finally relaxes once more and cuddles close.

“I’d love for you to come with me,” Pete whispers in the dark. “But it’s… I’m protecting you too.”

“I know Mav. Maybe one day, when you’re ready.”

“Yea… maybe.”

It’s not long after that Pete drifts off into another deep sleep.

He steps through the door, and before he can say anything she's pulling him into her arms. "Pete. Just breathe," she whispers, holding him tight.

"Mom," he chokes out.

"Jamie honey go help your sister," Carrie calls over her shoulder knowing Pete wouldn't want his siblings seeing him break down.

"It's ok. You're ok," she whispers over and over, rubbing his back. "I'm here Pete. You're ok."

She gives Mike a stern look before she leaves them. "C'mere kid."

“I…. I’ve been so mad at you!”

“I know. I know.” He lets out another sigh. “So has your mom kid.”

Pete can’t stop the snort of laughter at that. Carrie has always been protective of him, so he’s not really surprised by that.

“I…. I don’t know what to do Dad.” Mike’s heart breaks hearing such uncertainty and heartbreak in his kids voice.

“I heard you were gone,” he starts with.

“Charlie?”

“I….” Pete chews on his lip and stares out the window. “I couldn’t leave without telling Mom bye. She’d never forgive me.”

“This is true. But…” Mike reaches over and squeezes his knee bringing Pete’s attention back to him. “But you wouldn’t ask me what to do if you were really leaving.”

“No, sir.”

“Pete… You’re not here as my Lieutenant. You’re here as my son…. I hope,” he tacks on at the end quietly.

Pete gives him a feeble nod.

“We’ll tell you as long as it takes, just like when you were a kid. But you are perfect just the way you are.”

“If I tell you, I’m just asking you to keep more secrets, more things you’ll think you have to protect me from. That’s not fair to you.”

“Mmmm. I had a feeling.”

Pete’s head jerks up at that, but Mike quickly reassures him. “Don’t. It’s just because I know you son. Nothing is obvious.”

Pete lets out a deep sigh, his body sagging almost as if his strings had been cut once more.

“Come on let’s take a walk. Get you some fresh air.”

“I’m guessing someone escaped from your sister,” Mike laughs, as they turn to head back into the house.

His older sister is standing on the back steps with her hands on her hips. “Sorry. Someone was determined to see you.”

“I’m glad you're home,” she says softly, drawing Mav into a hug, squishing her daughter between them.

“Just for dinner. You know I can’t be here much.”

“Still. I’m glad you’re here.”

He follows her into the kitchen where Carrie is finishing up dinner. “Where’d Jamie run off to earlier?”

“The beach. She’ll be back.”

Mav bounces Cin in his arms to hear her giggles once more. He’s not sure he’ll ever be able to step back onto the beach or in the ocean ever again.

“She got a boyfriend she was meeting?” Cat asks, causing Mav to freeze.

“Nope. Nope. No. We are not doing this. No. It was bad enough when you started dating and got married. Baby sis is not doing this too.”

“Like you can stop her. Couldn’t stop me. Besides, she's eighteen now, Mav.”

“Oh I can talk her out of it. Just you wait.”

Cat rolls her eyes and takes Cin from him. “Well go for it little brother,” she smirks pointing towards the beach. She’s calling his bluff and he knows it.

“Damn it Catherine. I told you not to push him just yet. I’ve done enough of it the last few weeks.”

“Dad. You know he’s gotta work through this.”

“Antagonizing him to go to the beach wasn’t the way.”

It takes several, several minutes, but he does end up matching her breathing. “Cat?” he chokes when he doesn’t feel like the world is going to fade to black.

“I’m here. I’m sorry. I thought… I thought if I made it a challenge you could do it. I shouldn’t have pushed.”

“I…”

“Uhhhh not really been top priority there sis.”

“So the blonde at the funeral that couldn’t leave your side isn’t your other half?”

Pete freezes once more causing Cat to sigh. “Would you stop doing that?! Dad is going to have my head.”

“What… Cat… you…”

“Relax! It’s just me. Your big sis, your secret keeper, your partner in crime? Remember me? You know you can tell me anything Pete and it stays between us.”

“It would ruin his career if it got out. He’s got big dreams, and he deserves to reach them. Why he’s wast....”

His head falls to her shoulder as he softly sighs. “Fine. Yes. Tom and I have been seeing each other since like the first day of class.”

“So almost six weeks. I believe that might just be your longest yet,” she teases.

“Oh fuck off,” he laughs as he pushes her away.

“Don’t be letting your niece hear you talking like that!”

“Like you don’t cuss like a sailor too?!”

They reach the back door and Cin comes running back to Mav. “Hi sweet baby. Let’s go play til Gigi is ready for us to eat.”

“My Mab,” she babbles, squishing his cheeks between her tiny hands.

“Yea I’m all yours princess.”

“Hey pipsqueak,” Slider calls as Mav heads straight through to the kitchen. He’s still not sure how to handle Slider being extra nice to him, so he just nods and keeps going.

“Hey,” Tom smiles over his shoulder at him.

Mav walks over and wraps his arms around him, burying his face in Tom’s back. “Hey.”

“Feel better?”

“Some.” Tom spins in Pete’s arms and tilts his boyfriend’s face up to him.

“You look more relaxed,” he murmurs softly before giving him an even softer kiss.

“Both of my sisters and my niece were there. Cin is… She’s two and she’s really good for somebody.”

“Mmmm yea I bet. Carole stopped by with B. Told her you’d gone on a visit. She said to call her.”

He feels Pete tense in his arms but he just keeps talking. “W… Wh…Why?” Pete finally gets out.

“Why what babe?”

“Why’d she… why would she…. Why call her?”

“I… I … Why? I killed Nick! I took her husband, Bradley’s dad! Why would she want anything to do with me?!?!?!?!”

Tom sees Ron in the doorway, having come when Pete started yelling. Tom was at a loss on what to say though because Carole and Bradley were Pete’s family.

Pete turned, staring at him with wild eyes. “I killed Nick!”

“Sli’s right,” Tom whispers into his neck where he’s holding him tight. “We’ll tell you as many times as you need to hear it, but it wasn’t your fault.”

“It feels like my fault,” he cries, sagging in Tom’s hold.

#my writing #maverick chronicles #icemav #icemav fic #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #ron slider kerner #mike viper metcalf #vipapa #metcalf family oc #top gun #tg #top gun fic #tg fic

16 notes · View notes

tngrace · 27 days

Text

Chapter 3

Hope 31..... nough said 🤭 😭 This one hurts... but man did I have fun writing this chapter and the next. I also figured out how I'm going to write the last chapter this week so hopefully in the next two weeks I'll get it written. and then it'll be on to part two. Hope yall enjoy and Happy Easter weekend.

A03 ; Tumblr Masterlists: Main, Mav Chronicles

The weekend is fun and relaxing and just what they needed. Watching Pete with Bradley is a true treat and makes Tom wish for things he knows will probably never be. They head into Monday morning refreshed and ready to go, none of them realizing what’s to come.

The second hop of the day is intense, Mav and Ice going up against each other, essentially sealing the winner of the trophy. Though neither of them really care at this point, would be happy for the other, they’re both still very competitive and determined to win. They go back and forth for the kill, their voices getting more intense and annoyed the longer it goes, more argumentative and impatient. But neither expected the jet wash or the flat spin.

“Mayday! Mayday! Mav’s in trouble. He’s in a flat spin. He’s heading out to sea!” His voice is calm and controlled but there’s a slight tremor there as he watches.

He and Slider see the two parachutes, but they know something’s wrong. He circles over head, refusing to leave, even when Jester orders them back.

“Ice,” Slider says after ten minutes of circling, watching Mav and Goose in the water.

“I’m not leaving. We don’t know how long search and rescue will take to get here. They’ll need the coordinates as Mav floats.”

Slider doesn’t push. They both had seen how Goose had hit the canopy, how his body floated listlessly down, how Mav had pulled him into his arms and Goose still didn’t move. Ice keeps circling, and ever so often it looks like Mav looks up at them, but they can’t be sure.

“Ice, Slider, back to base. SAR is two minutes out.” Viper’s voice is firm over their radio, and finally Ice acknowledges and turns them towards base. He doesn’t say a word on the return flight, leaving Slider worried.

Mike's heart is in his throat when he hears the mayday call come in. He dispatches search and rescue immediately and grips his hands in tight fists as he waits. He hears Jester order Ice and Slider back to base, but he still doesn't move. He wants to be a dad in this moment but he can't. He has to be a Commander and it's killing him.

He sees Jester’s plane land, and he takes a deep breath, and then another one. He dials Carrie; "Metcalf's," she answers.

"I'm going to be late." He doesn't know what else to say without breaking down, but he has to tell her.

"Mike? What's wrong?"

"There…." He cuts off, choking back a sob. He breathes deep before he continues. "There was an accident during training. I'll be at the base hospital most of the night."

"Is everyone ok?"

"I don't know yet. I just…. Waiting on SAR right now. I…"

"Mike?"

"It was Pete," he breathes. He hears her breath catch and he'd love nothing more than to hug her. "I…. I can't go there as…. And you can't…"

"Mike. You call me the minute you lay eyes on him! You hear me? I have to know…" He can hear the hysteria in her voice and he’d love to let her come check on Pete for herself, but he knows they can’t.

"I will… I will… I just… I have to be detached and I just…"

"I know. Just breathe. You can do this. But you let me know our boy's ok."

He takes another ten deep breaths after hanging up. When he sees that Ice and Slider still haven’t landed, he orders them back to base as well. He’s not sure what is going on with Tom and Pete, but he knows it’s something. Once he sees their plane heading for the landing strip, he pulls himself together and heads to the hangar where he knows the class will have gathered. “You’re dismissed for the day. SAR will take them straight to the base hospital and we’ll let you know when there’s an update.”

“Can we wait there?” Wolf asks.

“Of course. But you might be waiting a while.” He takes in all their faces and knows he’ll be seeing them all at the hospital. “Dismissed.”

They scatter, and Mike rakes his hand through his hair. He’d kill for one of Rick’s cigarettes at that moment, but he knows the hospital won’t allow him to have it inside anyways. He makes the trek over, bracing for the worst while hoping for the best. He’s not sure what he’ll do if something happened to his own kid under his watch.

A nurse greets him as soon as he enters; “Sir.” He gives her a nod to continue because he’s not sure if he can speak right now. “Lieutenant Mitchell is going to be fine. He has some severe bruising, mild concussion and is currently in shock, but overall he will make a full recovery.”

Mike blows out the breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. “And Bradshaw?”

The nurse stops their trek down the hall and Mike tenses once more. “I’m sorry Sir. Lieutenant Bradshaw didn’t make it. His neck was broken and likely died upon impact, we assume he hit the canopy. Lieutenant Mitchell hasn’t offered up any details on what happened as of yet, so the doctor is just making assumptions.”

“Has Bradshaw’s wife been informed?”

“Not yet, no. We were waiting to see who you wanted to designate to do that.”

“I’ll handle it,” Mike decides. “Can I see Mitchell?”

“Of course. Right this way.” She shows him to Pete’s room, and Mike pauses, gathering the strength to push the door open. When he does, he feels the breath knocked out of him once more. Pete looks so small in the bed, eyes closed, but Mike knows he’s not asleep.

The nurse leaves him with it, and Mike quietly closes the door behind him. Pete’s eyes snap open at the sound of the door closing, and when they meet Mike’s, he quickly turns his head the other way.

He pulls up a chair beside the bed, and tentatively reaches out for Pete’s hand that has an IV in it. He can see where Pete has picked at the tape around it, and it brings a small smile to his face as he smooths it back out. Some things with his kid will never change, he thinks. “Pete?”

Pete turns his head back towards him, tears shining in his eyes, but he keeps them from falling.

“I’m not going to ask you if you’re ok because I know you’re not.” He pauses as he watches Pete just staring at him. “I told mom. She’d be here if she could, you know.”

“I know,” he croaks in a whisper.

Mike squeezes his hand tighter once more. “You’re not ok right now, but you will be…. You will be.”

Pete turns away again and Mike sighs. “We have to be even more careful now, so this is the only time I can offer you any form of comfort kiddo. There’s going to be an inquiry; they’ll let me know the date tomorrow.” Pete still won’t meet his eyes and Mike feels like they’re back at day one when they brought home a scared nine year old that didn’t trust them. “Pete? You know I love you son. But I need you to know that right now and for the next however long it takes to get the brass off our backs, I can’t be ‘dad’. No matter how bad I want to be.”

Pete gives him a tentative nod, and Mike can’t resist any longer. He leans over and pulls Pete into his arms, into his chest. He resists at first, but the first hint of Mike’s cologne and Pete breaks. The sobs break Mike’s heart even more, and he just holds him. He murmurs soft innate words of comfort as his son breaks in his arms. It takes several, several long minutes before Pete starts settling, his sobs turning to quiet sniffles, before he eventually just goes silent.

Mike softly strokes his back as he keeps holding him. “I’ll try to sneak mom in after hours ok?”

He knows Carrie isn’t going to rest with just his reassurance that Pete is ok, and he knows Pete really needs her at this moment. Pete gives a small nod before his whispered words destroy what is left of his broken heart. “Just don’t get in trouble for me.”

Mike pulls Pete’s head off his chest and stares into Pete’s eyes. “We’d do anything for you and you know it kiddo. If it comes down to a choice between you and the Navy…” Pete tries to interrupt him, but Mike just keeps talking. “If it does, I’m choosing you every time kiddo. Every. Single. Time.”

“Mike…”

“I mean it Pete. You are my son, my kid, and if the Navy doesn’t like it, they can go fuck themselves. You matter Pete. I love you son.”

“Love you too dad,” he whispers as he falls back into Mike’s chest.

Mike lets out a deep breath at that. Pete isn’t ok, but he’ll make sure he is, no matter what he has to do.

After several minutes of letting Pete resettle he has the horrible task of making Pete recount what happened. It’s the most detached he’s ever heard his kid, and it strengthens his resolve to sneak Carrie in to see him later. Once he’s sure he has everything Pete can recall, he squeezes his hand once more. “Try to get some rest. I can keep the others out if you want?”

“Na. It’s fine. I’m sure they need to see with their eyes I’m fine. Especially Ice and Slider.”

“Alright. I’ll let them know.” He leans close in case anyone can hear; “I’ll get mom in here later. That’s a promise.”

Pete gives him a weak nod. They both know what a risk it is, but he’d do it over and over for Pete. He gives him a nod and then heads for the door, with one glance back at his son.

Mike’s not surprised to find the six aviators waiting in the waiting room. They all jump up as soon as they see him, and Mike pulls himself together. “Mitchell is going to be fine. Some bruises that will heal in time and a mild concussion. He’ll be discharged tomorrow.”

He sees a small relief flow through the group, and he knows what he says next will cause it to vanish.

“Bradshaw on the other hand, is… dead. Broke his neck on the canopy as soon as he hit. I’m going to inform his wife now.”

The six aviators before him are deathly quiet, grief written across all their faces.

“Can we see Mav?” Wolfe finally breaks the silence.

Mike gives them a nod. “He’s pretty detached, still in shock. He’s resting, but he said it would be fine for all of you to visit. Probably do him some good to not be alone right now. Classes are dismissed for the rest of the week. When arrangements have been made, you’ll be the first to know.” He gives them a nod of dismissal and takes his leave.

The six aviators scurry down the hall to Mav’s room. Wolf and Wood are through the door first, just barely squeezing in before Chipper and Sunny. Ice stands at the door for a long moment just breathing, trying to prepare, and Slider waits with him squeezing his shoulder. Tom wants nothing more than to race in and scoop Pete into his arms, but he knows he can’t. Once he lays eyes on his boyfriend, who’s barely engaging with the other four, he leans in the corner just watching. He can see Pete’s eyes trail over to him ever so often, and he finally sees when Slider realizes they need to go. Tom gives him a nod of thanks, and promises to get back to their base housing later, before Ron turns and ushers everyone out.

Once he’s sure they’re gone, he walks over and settles on the side of Pete’s bed. His hand ghosts over Pete’s forehead, brushing the hair back. “Hey,” he whispers.

Pete can’t speak, too choked up holding back tears.

“Come here,” Tom whispers, easing down and helping Pete sit up some and lean into his arms. He holds him as tight as he dares, knowing under the gown Pete will be covered in bruises too painful to be held too tight. “I’m so sorry,” Tom whispers over and over as Pete sobs in his arms. He finally exhausts himself even more, and Tom can feel him drift off. He eases Pete back to the bed and covers him up. He sits and watches him sleep, knowing the coming days, weeks, and months are going to be hell, and wonders if Pete will blame him, wonders if this will be the end of them. Once Pete is deep asleep, Tom takes his leave, knowing he can’t stay any longer without them being found out.

After talking with Carole, he finally makes it home; it’s late enough he knows he’ll just be leaving as soon as he’s through the door though. Carrie is waiting on him at the door just as he suspected, and he pulls her into his arms. “He’s going to be ok. Just some bruising and a mild concussion. He was still in shock earlier. I…” He feels her squeeze him tighter and he lets out a soft sigh. “I promised to sneak you in. He needs you.”

“Do we tell the girls?”

“Not yet. Sneaking you in is going to be hard enough. I don’t need Catherine leaving Cynthia and banging down the hospital door or Jamie freaking out.”

Carrie gives him a soft huff of a laugh. “Alright. Let me get my purse and we can go.”

Once at the hospital, Mike nods to the night nurses, but doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t see any of the class in the waiting room, and assuming they’re not still with Pete, they should be at home. He stops right outside Pete’s room and tries to listen for any voices, but doesn’t hear any. He pushes the door open just a hair, and sees it empty, Pete just lying in the bed staring off into space.

He turns back and gives Carrie a nod, before pushing the door open further for her to slip past him. He closes the door behind them, but stays near it, so he can run interference if anyone comes to it. As soon as she’s by his side, she sits on the side of the bed and pulls Pete into her arms.

“Mom,” he cries as he clings to her, and it breaks Mike’s heart even more. Carrie just hugs him tight, her hand running up and down his back and into his hair.

When Pete has finally exhausted himself of tears, he whispers “I killed him,” effectively tearing both his parents’ hearts out.

Mike moves across the room at that statement, joining Carrie on the side of the bed. He eases Pete back from her hold and cradles his face. “Look at me son.”

Pete slowly meets his eyes, unable to ignore the firm demand in Mike’s voice. “You did not kill Nick. You did not kill him. You hear me?”

“I did though. He was my RIO, my responsibility.”

“Pete…”

Carrie cuts him off though, knowing that Pete isn’t going to believe a word of any argument at the moment. She cradles Pete’s cheek and kisses his forehead. “You need to get some sleep sweetheart.”

“Don’t think I can,” he sighs. He knows he’d fallen asleep on Tom, but it doesn’t feel like he slept long at all before a nightmare gripped him. When he’d woken and been alone, he laid there staring off into space, knowing sleep would be hard to come by.

“Try. We’ll stay til you’re asleep,” she promises.

She gets him to ease back against the bed, and softly runs her fingers through his hair. It’s the fastest way to settle Pete; they'd learned the first time the kid hadn’t gotten sick after coming to live with them. She keeps it up until his eyes drift, and even after until he’s deep asleep.

“He’s going to be ok,” Mike reassures her as they watch him sleep for a few more minutes. They don’t linger long though, despite Carrie wanting to stay.

The next morning, the inquiry information is waiting on Mike the minute he steps on base. He goes through Mav’s file one more time to make sure nothing of their connection is hidden in there, even though he knows the file like the back of his hand. When he’s sure everything is good, he makes the trek over to the base hospital to deliver the news about the inquiry. From here on he knows everything has to be above board until the brass is done sniffing around.

When he walks into Pete’s room, he’s surprised to see him not there. He has a moment of panic before one of the nurses points him towards the bathroom down the hall. He gives her a nod and heads in. Mav is leaning heavily on the sink, but he somehow managed to shave. Mike catalogs the bruising along his chest and shoulders from his harness that he wasn’t able to see yesterday because of the gown. He knows there’s probably some along his thighs as well, he just can’t see them. He wants so badly to pull his kid into his arms and never let go, but they also have more eyes on them now more than ever. He just has to be careful, not show emotion or favoritism, he keeps reminding himself, and they’ll get through this. He calls on all his years in the service to keep it together as he meets his kids' eyes. He doesn’t like what he sees; Pete’s eyes have always been alive and full of mischief. They always shine and sparkle so bright. But right now, they are dead, lifeless, emotionless, same as yesterday.”How you doing?” he manages to ask.

“I’m alright.” It’s rough and so much quieter than Pete normally talks it throws Mike for a minute. He spins and meets Pete’s eyes in the mirror trying to portray that he has to be a Commander at the moment.

“Goose is dead.” Internally he winces at how straightforward and harsh he has to be, and he knows the minute Carrie finds out, she is going to be livid. But they all knew when Pete joined up, that a time like this might come, and Pete told him then, as a bright eyed eighteen year old, that he’d never hold it against him.

“I know.” His eyes drop back to the sink, hand splashing more water onto his face, and Mike can see he’s barely holding it together. He wants to tell him to come home with him, let Carrie mother him to death, but he bites it all back. Seeing her last night is going to have to be enough for now. Pete runs another hand over his face, and takes some deep breaths. Mike recalls words one of his former COs told him after Duke died. At the time he hated it, and he knows Pete is going to hate being told the same thing, but he needs to say it. “You fly jets long enough, something like this happens.”

“He was my RIO, my responsibility!” It’s an echo of his statement last night and Mike knows the guilt is eating him alive. He knows he’s going to have to work hard to get Pete to let it go, if that will even be possible. He knows Goose was like a brother to him; that Carole and Goose both welcomed Pete into their family. But he can’t see his kid drown in grief, not if he can help it.

“In my squadron in Vietnam, we lost eight of eighteen aircraft. Ten men. First one dies, you die too. But there will be others. You can count on it. You gotta let him go.” His hand touches his side, draws across his back, offering as much comforting touch as he can in that moment. “You gotta let him go.” He knows it's harsh, hates the words coming out of his own mouth, but as a Commander, it’s what you’re supposed to say.

Pete’s eyes are hard as they stare at him despite being red rimmed, but Mike does his best to let it roll off his back. “Your inquiry hearing is scheduled for two days from now at 0800. Jester and I will be there. I don’t see any reasons why you won’t be cleared and can return to finish the program before graduation.”

Pete doesn’t say anything and won’t meet his eyes again. He walks away even though it kills him too. He passes Tom in the parking lot and he knows he was right about something going on between the two. He gives the Lieutenant a nod, wants to pull him to the side and threaten him if he so much as dares to break Pete in any way. But he knows he can’t, so he keeps walking and just hopes Tom will be able to get through to his kid.

Tom finds Pete back in his room, trying to dress. “Can I help?” he asks from the doorway.

Pete gives him a nod and Tom comes over, helping him pull his shirt down. The bruising looks worse today, and his body is stiff and achy. He’s refused anymore pain pills though and just wants to leave. “I saw Viper leaving.”

“Mmm yea. Stopped by to give me the information for the inquiry hearing.”

“It wasn’t your fault Pete.”

“Let’s not. I don’t… I just want to get out of here.”

Tom bites back all his retorts that Pete needs to talk about this and just gives him a nod. “Carole and Bradley are at the base housing. I can take you there.”

Pete gives him another nod, and follows Tom out the door. Once in the car, the silence is almost unbearable. “Pete…” Tom starts when they’re in front of the housing, but stops when Pete cuts his eyes at him.

“Might be best if we just had some space right now. You don’t need messed up in this hearing too.”

“I have to be there because I was in the air with you.”

“Better to be safe than sorry.”

Tom wants to argue, wants to push that Pete doesn’t need to do this or push everyone away, but his own guilt is eating him alive. Thus, he’d do anything Pete asks. “If that’s what you want.”

“It is.”

Pete won’t meet his eyes so Tom knows he’s lying. “I just want him back,” Pete says softly before he gets out. He closes the door and doesn’t look back.

Tom watches him go, his heart breaking, but knowing he will give Pete anything. He watches until Pete is inside the door before driving off.

#my writing #maverick chronicles #icemav #icemav fic #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #ron slider kerner #nick goose bradshaw #mike viper metcalf #vipapa #top gun #tg #top gun fic #tg fic #MCD #self reblog

15 notes · View notes

tngrace · 28 days