#sorry don't mind me just having an identity crisis | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

smoft-demons · 4 months

Note

If you aren't busy could you try writing about an mc that looks identical to Lilith and maybe even has a similar name example: lily, Lillian etc. (If you can, maybe mc that has a similar personality with lilith) And Ofc its platonic. (sorry if you don't understand, I barely ask on tumblr(⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠)

Also! It can be fluff or angst (if you can't write all of the brothers lucifer, belphegor and Beelzebub would be fine(⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

Mc can be gender neutral! (You can choose whatever format you're comfortable with)

Ofc if u don't want to its fine, i just saw your requests open

Sorry if this is too long(⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

Sure! No worries about it being too long, it gives me lots to work with :)

First request yay! Hope you like it

MC’s name is Lily

Lucifer:

Lucifer double-takes when he first sees you. He knew your name in advance, but looking at you, seeing the resemblance… it shocks him.

He keeps a straight face, however.

It becomes increasingly obvious that he has a soft spot for you. It grows softer and softer as he gets to know you.

When you harmlessly disobey him, he can’t help but let you off. Lilith was a bit of a rebel too, and you look just like her when you’re trying to be sneaky

He loses it when you put yourself in danger! You remind him so much of his baby sister, who he gave everything he could for… and he’s supposed to keep this blasted human alive, so help him he will succeed! It’s a matter of pride—and also trauma.

All that is there, but still Lucifer makes an effort to pay attention to the differences between Lilith and you. Few as there may be, he will not cloud his own judgement by thinking of you as the new her.

And he will not do you the disservice of acting like you’re someone you’re not.

When the ancestry reveal happens, he’s not exactly surprised. It’s still great news, but… not shocking!

He’s already had his crisis about not being unfair to you by acting like you’re a replacement, so he’s actually pretty good about not saying anything hurtful along those lines.

Beelzebub:

He can’t bear to look at you at first

I mean really, how he’s grieving his sister plus how he’s missing his twin… what’s he supposed to do? You’re in Belphie’s spot, and you’re called Lily, and you’re even acting like her… his heart aches

Good news tho, he definitely won’t eat you

He feels AWFUL for scaring you that one time, about the custard

And that conversation when he opens up to you about that impossible choice he had to make about who to save? He won’t admit it to you or to himself, but a big part of why he asked you who you would have chosen is that he hopes you can give him some insight into what Lilith would have chosen. If she would have made the choice he did.

Once you’ve become good friends with him, he does make an effort to not confuse you with his sister… but it’s hard for him, especially if you look and act like her. He’s really trying!

He would want to hug you for hours after having nightmares of falling. It helps him feel like maybe he’s not a total failure of a protector

He’s giving Mammon a run for his money in terms of being protective of you.

Beel finds himself conflicted after the big reveal. He’s overjoyed to have Belphie back, but he’s so angry with him for hurting you, and also he’s so upset with himself for not realizing Belphie was trapped in the attic the whole time, and ALSO he’s struggling with keeping you separate from Lilith in his mind, similar and genuinely connected as you are, and that makes him feel even more guilty because he genuinely does love you just for yourself. He feels like it’s very mean to you if he lets himself be distracted from that.

This is further complicated by you naturally falling into the role of his baby sister. He loves having you in that role, but it’s hard. A bit triggering. He’s working through it!

All in all, he’s a good big brother. He’d be overjoyed to hear it if you tell him that.

Belphegor:

Learning your name sends him spiralling. He was thinking of this exchange program as a betrayal to Lilith’s memory, he thought Lucifer had forgotten about her, he thought Lucifer didn’t care, but he chose a human named LILY?? Is this him being manipulative, is this coincidence, does it mean he HASN’T stopped caring, does it mean he’s trying to replace their lost baby sister with some human?

Belphie can’t figure it out.

He hangs onto his hatred. He carries out the first steps of his plan

When you meet him, he just… stares. You look like her…

He refuses to cry about it! He sticks to the script, lying to your face as planned, summoning all the hatred and resentment in his fallen heart.

But… you keep coming back. Not just to update him about your pact collecting, but also… just to chat? Checking on him, bringing him small snacks and things that fit through the gaps in the door, telling him about what his brothers are up to, reminding him that Beel misses him terribly and no one has forgotten about him

He’s finding it hard to keep hating you. In all honesty, he’s grown fond of you! But he has a plan and he’s sticking to it! You’re NOT his sister, and nothing short of a miracle can convince him to let go of his resentment!

In timeline A, after the first jailbreak, he never gets around to harming you. He can’t figure out if it’s due to laziness, lack of opportunity, fondness for you on his part, or not wanting to make Beel sad. This becomes irrelevant of course, after Diavolo imprisons him

In timeline B, you’re sent back in time to see how he got released. You open the door, he offers you the hug, you accept.

It’s… nice, for a long moment. Gentle and warm and comfy.

And then he regains his determination, going ahead with his plan to kill you. He gets as far as “Finding it hard to breathe?” before he looks at you. Expecting to feel sadistic satisfaction at seeing a human face screwed up in pain like that. But… you look like his baby sister.

You look just like his baby sister, and you’re scared and hurt. His baby sister… panicking and tearful, because of HIM

He can’t do it

His grip relaxes. He doesn’t let you go, but he’s no longer hurting you.

He’s shaking.

You feel… moisture in your hair. Your throat is bruised and bleeding from his claws digging into your skin. You’re wheezing through your crushed airway. Your brain is flooded with adrenaline. Your prey terror hasn’t let up, as the demon who was threatening your life is still holding you, and he’s CLEARLY still unstable. But, maybe crying from guilt is safer than cold determination to murder you…?

At this point, the others rush in. Mammon tears you away from Belphie. Beel is frozen in horrified confusion. Belphie is having a breakdown on the floor.

Diavolo and Barbatos fill everyone in. Belphie can’t even look at you, he feels so awful.

As you both heal, you get closer. You become real friends. You learn what aspects of the Belphie you knew from the attic were lies, and the surprising amount of things that were true. With everyone’s help, Belphie really digs deep and commits to finally unpacking his trauma and his survivor’s guilt and his grief.

Once you trust him enough—and he trusts himself enough—he takes every opportunity to spoil you. He’ll cuddle you whenever you want, he’ll make sure you don’t get any nightmares, he’ll share his food, he’ll even let you wake him up for dumb things without getting mad at you.

______

I didn’t have many ideas for the rest. I had some for Mammon, but nowhere near as many as for these three. I might add the Mammon ideas as a short bonus later, if I have the energy or any more inspiration.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me x reader #obey me & reader #obey me fic #obey me writing #obey me platonic headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me beel #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie #request #my writing

185 notes · View notes

jupiter-va · 11 months

Text

Identity crisis

So, I'm giggling as I type this right now because I feel a little bit stupid!!

So, for the last few weeks, I've been like...having a crisis about my queerness, and it was consuming my brain. Due to some recent realizations, which I won't go into detail on, I realized that I am in fact, NOT bisexual. It threw me into a spiral and I could not function properly. I thought I had all this BS figured out in high school but uh...apparently not. Comphet is a wild beast of an obstacle that I didn't even realize I was struggling with. I won't go into all of the details, but I try to share what I can and what I feel comfy with sharing, and this is something I contemplated making a post about for a bit. After a ton of thinking, I'm very much lesbian. I think I just pushed the notion away for a long time for the sake of potentially having a future where I would be accepted by everyone that is currently in my life, but it's just not realistic of me to live like that. I have a bad habit of doing things for other's that are detrimental to me, and uh, I'm workin on it.

It won't affect my content. I'll still do things for all genders because

I don't wanna switch it up randomly and

These audios aren't really for me to attract anyone personally. It's for the enjoyment of people in general and I have fun making all of my audios, regardless of who they are for. If a good plotline comes to mind, I'm gonna do it.

Anyway. Yeah. Sorry for the random disappearance, I was truly letting this consume my entire brain and I couldn't confidently get in front of my mic and make content with how distracted I was. I promise I will be back on schedule for everything, I have like 2 full audios that I need to edit and post and I'm working on commissions as well.

TL;DR: I beat comphet. I'm lesbian lol💕

#jupiter's updates #jupiter's thoughts #jupiter va

271 notes · View notes

psychewritesbs · 4 months

Text

Chapter 251: Decisive Battle in the Unhabited, Demon-Infested Shinjuku, Part 23--Megumi is back!! aaaaand it's not looking good

Well. In case you've been living under a rock, Megumi is back and everyone and their mom knows about it because Twitter demonstrated to be full of people who lack reading comprehension, basic human compassion, and an understanding of how trauma fucks with the mind. Only the latter is excusable, since this is domain-specific knowledge that I don't expect others to be aware of.

The number of times I've read the word "bitch" next to Megumi's name is appalling to say the least.

So... yeah... happy jjk-Sunday? Sorry, I wish I had a more upbeat intro to my ramble for this chapter but man... this fandom is something else and a lot of the comments about Megumi were just so...

Anyways let's taco'bout Megumi and share Megumi-love under the cut.

What is this irritating feeling?

Why does this matter? If you haven't seen me mention this over on the twt already, Sukuna makes a small gesture that is unequivocally Megumi body-language in chapter 248:

Megumi typically places his hand over his shoulder when he's stressed (although I have to confirm he only does it when stressed):

It isn't just the body language that is significant, but rather the way of thinking itself. I didn't catch this myself, but Ant and Danchou did, so I might not do it justice when explaining it.

This way of thinking is very Megumi-like in how he second-guesses himself. More than second-guessing, however, it also feels like a nascent sense of consciousness. All of this obviously presents a very interesting dilemma because, as Sukuna recognizes, sharing a body with Yuji has changed him.

I think we all knew Yuji or Megumi would be changed by Sukuna--because that is how Gege directed our attention by having Gojo mention Yuji could inherit Sukuna's CT by the mere fact that they shared a body. I know I also assumed that Megumi would maybe learn from Sukuna using 10s. But I also know I never even considered that the opposite could be true: Yuji and Megumi could also change Sukuna.

So, the way I see it, with that hand gesture, we have what appears to be Megumi's sense of self bubbling up from under the surface and changing Sukuna.

What's interesting to me is how subtle this is. Sukuna notices this as an "irritating feeling" that is incomprehensible to someone like him who rejects aspirational ideals.

So, part of what I love about this is that sharing a body with Yuji has deepened Sukuna's own experience of reality.

Sukuna is all ego, right? Ego is everything that is concrete...

So I have to wonder how much of this is also Megumi's own emotional turmoil given what we saw this chapter...

Wake up, Megumi!

Ok so let's do a quick recap...

We also know Tsumiki is integral to how Megumi sees himself. This is very important because Megumi basically makes her his raison d'être. In other words, his whole identity is framed around protecting her during the Culling Game. Aside from the obvious shock that it was to realize Yorozu was pretending to be Tsumiki the whole time, which meant Tsumiki was dead, the issue with Megumi was that he made Tsumiki his identity.

And if there is one thing we have seen happen time and time again in jjk is how being limited by your self-ascribed identity comes back and bites you in the ass.

So in Megumi's case, what happens when his whole identity was framed around a single outcome, and then he realized that outcome turned out to be a failure right from the start?

An identity crisis or basically no sense of self.

So what does he have to live for now?

What reason does he have for living if the person whom he had wrapped his identity around is now gone? This is what created the opening for Sukuna to possess him.

What's crazy about this is that even when he was weakened, he still put up a fight and elicited a "Fushiguro Megumi" from Sukuna. Sukuna had probably already considered the importance of the bath, but this likely solidified the need to have Megumi marinate in cursed energy. Like... this is what it took to bury Megumi's consciousness. Also, this is important because we're talking about marinating in negative emotions "to be near evil".

Now, it's midnight and I got to get to sleep, but the way jjk uses "evil" is not cliché at all, but almost like as a metaphor for chaos, hyper individuality, and instinct. I started writing about Naoki Urasawa's Monster, so hopefully I can get around to explaining the whole good vs. evil dichotomy (which is one of my favorite topics ever) soon, but this is all I'll say for now. I'll come back to this in a sec.

Next, Megumi's own Cursed Technique (which we know is tied to the brain and personality) and hands are used to kill Tsumiki's body and Gojo while Megumi can only observe.

And then, Gojo accidentally blitzes Megumi's soul with his technique.

Like are we for real expecting Megumi to just stand up and start throwing hands after all he's been through? What is wrong with people???!!!!!!!!!!! Have some compassion ffs.

Unfortunately, this isn't just about a lack of reading comprehension and compassion, it's also about lack of domain knowledge. This is Trauma with a BIG T we're talking about, and Trauma has been shown to limit how you see yourself and how you are able to think.

So, of course Megumi is distraught. The writing in this is so damn realistic.

Now, Gege has been paying special attention to Megumi's body language, and while the rest of the fandom is laughing at the "Mahoraga hands", I'm looking at how tightly closed those fists are. Even the way he's curled up in a tight ball... Almost like he's about to blow up from sheer pressure.

Quite the contrast to the last time we saw him in a similar position but with more relaxed body language.

And remember, he marinated in cursed energy so that he would be closer to "evil", right? Plus getting blitzed?

Listen, I am ready for Yuji's pep talk, I am sure it will be generational, but right now, I don't think Megumi is ready (or maybe even able) to hear it. Again, because Trauma with a big T.

Plus Sukuna loosing control of Megumi's body? You kind of have to wonder why Megumi's energy has been crescendoing to the point that Sukuna would be affected by it and not only think like Megumi, but also use body language that is unequivocally Megumi.

This feels like a Megumi is about to snap.

This is starting to feel ominous precisely because he's marinated in these self-destructive emotions for so long. Emotions which surely intensified as he saw the consequences of his inability to take action.

But then again... I was expecting a blood bath out of the culling game and it was everything but so 🤣 idk what to tell y'all. As predictable as he is, Gege is unpredictable af.

Ok I think those are my main thoughts? WHAT ABOUT Y'ALL?!!!!!! What are we thinking? What are the theories? oh mai gah.

Even if I'm responding to asks slowly, I'm still reading them as they come in guys. Sorry, school + work is kicking my ass because well... in typical Megumi fashion I haven't taken responsibility for bringing out my best.

That said, I go off to sleep 🫡 Thanks for reading!

#jjk ch 251 #god i love jujutsu kaisen #does anyone remember my Megumi tag? 😭#not Gege edging Megumi fans #megumi kaisen

78 notes · View notes

raelyn-dreams · 8 months

Note

Any headcanons of your favorite enstars characters? 👀💫

I do indeed nonnie! Though tbh, these are kind of full-cast headcanons lol. Tysm for the ask 😊

Mika is still upset he wasn't included in the Sanrio collab, and angrily sewed plushies the entire day it was announced.

During practice for Artistic Partisan, Hiiro was under the impression that the prop spears were much heavier than they actually were, leading to him accidentally slamming one through the wall (and nearly impaling Shu).

We don't talk enough about how Knights are given swords for their performances. Like who thought this was a good idea. Even if they are dull and fake, do you know how terrifying it is to have Ritsu Sakuma come at you with a sword and a maniacal grin? Kaoru Hakaze does.

Kuro was basically acting as a mediator for the entirety of the Yuukyou Seishunka cover rehearsals (while Mika and Souma prayed their unit leaders wouldn't kill each other). Keito and Shu came to feel kinda bad about this as they were winding down, so they begrudgingly worked together to make him a gi, as a thank you and apology. Keito never wants to hear the words "proper quilter's knot" again, but it was worth it for the smile on Kuro's face.

Hiiro and Hinata both have...shaky histories with high places (Hiiro in !! main story after Rinne disowns him, and Hinata during Setsubun). Niki doesn't know the details, but he notices after a while, so they start having rooftop hang-outs on occasion to help them with it.

I really like the Hiiro-Hinata-Niki dorm as a whole actually (which...Hiiro and Hinata are two of my favs, and Niki's up there, so that's to be expected lol). I see a lot of potential with the three, and I think they'd really get each other.

Ibara visited Kaname once. It was a stupid and sentimental thing to do, really, and he had work that needed to be done, lives to prepare for...but he couldn't help but feel he owed it to him, the near-silent apology that passed his lips that day.

Also, veering into AU territory a bit, but I think if Kaname were to wake up and eventually get back into the industry (after lots of rehab + accommodations), he'd keep the HiMERU name, but drop the "cool" persona he tried to associate with it. Life is too short to care so much about the public's perception of him, and I feel he'd go in the opposite direction of Tatsumi, and become even more outspoken, which would make him a good Crazy:B candidate.

OreMERU (our HiMERU) and Kaname are going to need to talk. A lot. I think Kaname wouldn't quite forgive him and would be upset about the identity theft, but he also can't bring himself to hate him, as he can see why he did it and knows it's for him. There's a lot of guilt and misunderstanding on both sides (ntm Tatsumi, Jun, and everyone else's reactions), but I think they eventually get through it alright, and OreMERU would always be Kaname's "Onii-chan".

OreMERU is also gonna have an identity crisis, and tries to quit Crazy:B, but of course Rinne, Niki, and Kohaku aren't gonna let him just dip like that. There's a lot of panicking, some bad hairstyle decisions, but he comes out alright, and starts going by another stage name that's important to him in some way.

I'm sorry about the excessive Tojo headcanons nonnie, I fully read Obbligato for the first time last week (just knew the basics before) and it wrecked me asdfghjkl.

Anyways. Back to everyone else.

As Mika gets used to Shu's more lenient personality, he tries to see how much gore he can get away with in Valkyrie's art.

Shu tries so hard to respect Mika's artistic vision and encourage him, he really does. But he draws the line at real pigs brains on-stage, even if they are in jars ("But Oshi-san, it represents the breakin' o' the mind after they tried so hard ta conform ta the expectations they put on 'em and ended up slaughtered! It's perfect symbolism, ain't it?")

Adonis makes money on the side for Undead by acting as an interpreter for other units during lives and Q&As. It ends up so popular and profitable that ES actually ends up investing money in professional interpreters for all events, because the ES heads can be kind of good people for once I guess. As a treat.

Rei, Ritsu, Niki, Tatsumi, Eichi, and Kaname (if he rejoins the industry) start having a combined monthly interview to make up for ones they miss due to illness/disability. The college kids/anyone that's been sick or couldn't make their own interviews occasionally join in too (usually Chiaki, Mayoi, Nazuna, Shu, Leo, and Izumi). Rei feels personally attacked sometimes, but its overall fun and way less stressful than trying to make every interview for their own units.

Kuro/Shu/Mao/Izumi dorm have sewing nights. It started because Kuro and Shu already sew, and Izumi wanted to be able to make his own alterations as a model just in case. Mao ended up joining in as a way to de-stress from student council work, and they have a relatively pleasant time together.

Souma is canonically good at embroidery, so I like to think he ends up creating his own sword scabbards for different Akatsuki costumes using the skills he's picked up from it. They're very pretty, and he's very proud of them.

93 notes · View notes

bunnygirl678 · 9 months

Text

Back at it again with another Reguri AU that I don't have time to write. So steal it please! Seriously feel free to write, draw, or use it to distract your mind enough to fall asleep (is that a thing other people do or am I just freaking weird)

-Red and Green are on their honeymoon in alola (duh) and they are doing a fun little couples battle with some of the alolan pokemon they've caught

-one of the tapu's sees them and wants to fuck with them cause they're unhinged (my 5 year old has rewatched the sun/moon anime like 15 times and i still can't remember which one does what)

-sends green back into time (note this is gonna be like dragon ball z time travel where it just created a new timeline or whatever)

-he gets transported midbattle with little red, but like not the championship and most of his pokemon haven't evolved yet

-Big!green is just like awwww you guys were so cute, little!red immediately realizes that somehow Green aged like 12 years in a flash and is obv confused, green explains that he was on vacay with his Red and got sent here somehow, let's go to the lab and see if gramps can help

-they travel to the lab or whatever, and the prof is immediately like "My dead son!" cause my hc is that green looks identical to his dad, and big!green is like nah sorry gramps it's just me from the future

-and they all talk and little!red is like, you aren't an asshole, anymore? and big!green like apologizes for little!green, and is like it may not seem like it but i know he cares about you, because big!green knows that during their journey he realized he had feelings for red, but like didn't want them so he just started being an asshole

-at some point daisy sees the ring and is like "oh you got married?! Whos the lucky lady anyone we know yet?" and big!green kinda like does an awkward quick glance at little!red, and is trying to figure out how to not out his past self because this isn't his secret to tell

-the prof is like 'oh holy shit you and red figured things out' cause he observes and figured it out when green was like 7 or something, and little!red is like wtf and big!green is like yeah but not for a while and then he gives little!red some training just cause what else are they going to do, plus little!red is having a crisis, cause he thinks his version of green hates him

-then it like flips to big!red's perspective and little!green shows up freaking out shouting for his red cause they were just together, and he see's big!red who is swole af and doesn't look that much like his red so he thinks his red has been kidnapped or something, and little!green goes absolutely feral, cause remember he has feelings for his red

-he's like i'll kill you, did you hurt him, where's red, and big!red is like this is the most adorable thing I've ever seen, and like big!green at one point had told him that he had feelings for Red when they were small but Red didn't really believe it until that moment, and also he's like hmmm green and i should adopt cause he's like high on honeymoon and little!green is such a cutie

-Big!Red is like i'm red, it's fine, little!green doesn't believe it until big!red brings up something that like only he would remember like they caught a caterpie together or something idk

-big!red goes and buys little!green some food and they kinda talk and little!green can't stop staring cause wow big!red looks so different, then he sees the wedding ring and is like devastated, and is trying not to cry or whatever and big!red is like able to read him like a book cause it's green even though it's little!green it's still green, and he like pulls out his phone and it's a photo from their wedding and little!green like short circuts cause he didn't even realize that was an option

-somehow they get to switch back and the other timeline red/green work out their issues quickly both with knowledge of the future and they start dating at like 14, cause 11 year olds don't date, and red never goes up the mountain except for the occasional week of training and green always goes with him and it's never angsty like the other timeline

-the alolan honeymooners are just glad to be together again and they finish their time in alola and red's like let's adopt and green's like whatever makes you happy

#namelessshipping #originalshipping #reguri #red x green #i really like the idea of this i just don't have the time and too many open fics i'm working on #maybe it'll get added but whatevs #sorry if it isn't concise #it feels a little all over the place

74 notes · View notes

roobylavender · 3 months

Note

do you think bruce is abusive? i don't mean in the physical way they've been writing his as recently but emotionally.

it's very clear that he does love his children but some abusers do genuinely love the people they hurt and just think they are in the right (thinking of my own dad who somehow couldn't understand why we didn't want to talk to him because he always took care of us but treated our mother. badly. and in front of us when we were little kids.)

and i'm not sure whether i count bruce in that because while it doesn't look like what i'm familiar with i thought i'd ask because only recently i've actually come across people who see him as abusive but do actually see the character as he is and love it and i was wondering what you thought

sorry if i'm dumping too much on you or it isn't something you want to answer, feel free to delete/ignore, i just think the answer is more interesting from people who genuinely love and understand bruce as a character as you seem to and i've only seen it from two other people so i wondered what you thought

i don't mind answering! this is one of those asks where i wish i tagged my stuff bc i've talked about it before but my outbox tag is so populated that it takes way too long to search through lol (and unfortunately as we all know tumblr's in-blog search function is broken beyond repair). but tldr i would say bruce as he's existed for the past thirty years or so is abusive. my divergence in opinion is simply that i don't think he ever should have been made so. his more modern characterization as someone reactive and prone to lashing out at others, particularly his children, has never made sense to me and i don't think it's heavily supported by pre-crisis canon. the extent of bruce's failings as a parent should reflect his inability to communicate and his growing tendency to be a shut-in. which i know some people take to be comparable to neglect but ig i don't think it should ever go that far.. like when i say inability to communicate i don't mean him failing to take care of his kids or giving them their due attention when he's raising them but moreso falling into a pit of despair and guilt once they've reached adulthood bc he feels like he's signed their death note by enabling their lives as vigilantes. i do think parentification can potentially come into it but ideally i would want it to be nipped in the bud sooner rather than later if that makes sense. like we should've been over bruce's depressive "i'm a terrible parent and everyone i love dies so i should just do everything on my own and slowly k*ll myself in the process" episode by the early 00s at latest. and it should've been acknowledged that a large part of what drove him into that depressive episode was jason's death, so realistically being given the time and space to process jason's death and its implications properly would have allowed for bruce to seek closure and move forward and be less.. whatever he is now. to me the successive whammies of identity crisis and war games and under the hood deliberately thwarted that

#outbox

25 notes · View notes

geekgirles · 1 year

Text

Even though I love the Love Square to bits, I need to rant about the premise for Transmission a bit.

Don't worry, this'll be properly tagged as salt.

First and foremost, I'm a hopeless romantic, alright? I'm a shipper first and a person second. It's in my nature, I need to ship something before I can get invested in a show or franchise. There are very few exceptions.

So you can imagine just how bad it has to be for me to actually complain about the levels of amatonormativity in Miraculous.

That shit is insane.

Listen, I've been shipping the Love Square ever since I first watched the show, seven years ago. I want it to happen and for my precious beans Adrien and Marinette to be happy and together, okay? But I cannot wrap my head around the fact that their secret identities getting in the way of their love lives now is the catalyst for Tikki and Plagg to free them from their duties as Ladybug and Chat Noir.

After everything these kids have been through and all the excuses for that decision that have been created along the way, that's what makes those two old-as-time creatures stop and think, "Hm, maybe this is too big a responsability for them to shoulder"????

Seriously?

Didn't the fact that they're literally children fighting an adult with no time limit for using his powers clue you in?

Or how about the fact that, ever since becoming Ladybug and, furthermore, the guardian, Marinette has had emotional crisis after emotional crisis?

Couldn't they have used the excuse of Gabriel seemingly spending more time with his son while being more flexible with his responsibilities to have Plagg (mistakenly) assume Adrien's happiness is no longer so dependent on being Chat Noir and therefore relinquish him from the responsibility?

No, of course not.

They just had to use the romance excuse—never mind that was never an option when the mascarade was killing Lukanette or Adrigami (though I'd argue the latter actually had more commitment issues on Adrien's side)—because everything in this show revolves around the Love Square. Everything else can be ignored as long as we get some ship tease.

Seriously, at literally any other point in the story, I could have got behind this. But now that Monarch is more powerful than ever, the stakes are naturally higher as well and hence Paris needs the help of its two more seasoned and trustworthy superheroes to truly save the day?

I'm sorry, but they could have gone a million other ways about this.

162 notes · View notes

eryanlainfa · 1 month

Note

A vat7k related question

What do you think is Hugo's gender identity? Cus I want to hear what you think Hugo's gender is and the story behind it.

(I've answered a similar ask some weeks ago so I am sorry for the repeat, I hope it's okay)

With me, when it comes to label headcanons for characters, it always depends! I like to change it depending on the story I want (because sometimes it ties to the plot) and I enjoy every version of them.

◇ But I do have a main headcanon, so let's focus on that one :

I headcanon Hugo as a bigender transmasc. And I believe she is comfortable appearing feminine now BECAUSE he got to transition to a comfortable point for him. Transition he started pretty early on, even before figuring out his own gender. (Taking into account I think most pride labels doesn't really exist in-universe, like the words don't exist yet, queer people are a thing but they don't label themself the way we do now)

◇ As for the story behind it, I'll detail it a bit more than I did last time :

(I forgot if it was a "canon" thing or just widly accepted fanon) We know Hugo is an orphan, and I believe the orphanage he was in wasn't the best environnement ever and perhaps not well taken care of. So as soon as they could they would send the kids to work wherever they could and obviously the more money they made the better. My Hugo was afab and she quickly noticed being seen as a boy gave you more advantage in that regard more often than not. So she didn't want to be seen as a girl anymore and started transitioning the best he could at the time. It had nothing with how she felt about herself, it was purely about what seemed more advantageous.

When Hugo got recruited by Donella for the first time, it had been a long while since he last used a name at all so, upon deciding to take him under her wing, Don is the one who named him Hugo. She also helped him through his transition because over the years simply cutting his hair and binding wasn't enough anymore, which bothered him a lot and he was annoying about it. Thanks to Don, Hugo got to go quite far in his transition pretty quick and he's rather proud of it. Once he reached the point he's at rn he stopped because it wasn't worth doing more, plus he figured passing as a girl could be useful too and at the moment it wasn't hard to go from one gender presentation to the other. And she figured she actually didn't mind being a girl either, plus playing roles is super entertaining to him so not being limited by gender gave him even more possibilities.

Actually I don't think she sees herself as multigender, she probably thinks of it as another tool under her sleeves. He knows not everyone is at ease being anyone, so it gives him an advantage. He's everything at once, and he's very happy being his own thing. If asked he'd probably label himself as whatever feels best at the moment (or whatever's the funniest).

Maybe it does give her a crisis once she settles in Corona because she doesn't have to play a role anymore so she's confused and unsure on what is even left of her but that's another story

◇ And in case you wanted to know why I chose those labels : I simply don't see lots of characters headcanoned as bigender, or even multigender in general (genderfluid Hugo makes me SO HAPPY-), and since I am multigender myself it's something dear to me! Plus I wanted to have fun exploring different ways people view gender and go through their discovery journey, so every member of the gang has a different experience regarding theirs, and yet they all share that trans umbrella together :) in short, I am just having fun lol

#sorry for the wait TwT sorry if it doesnt make sense- I am eepy #in the end I kept it shorter than I expected. idk if you wanted more details or something? don't hesitate to tell me if so!#thank you for askiiiing!!! :D #eryanswers #eryanwrites #bloopblopbeepbop #Vat7k hugo #headcanons

11 notes · View notes

scintillyyy · 14 days

Text

also did a read a random dc week~

i ended up with 9/18/2000

of which i've read 3/17 (lol @ my lack of the titans and birds of prey, i've only managed to read sporadic tie ins. they're firmly on the eventually will read through once i have time). and full disclosure, i'm only gonna read it if it's on dcui. if it hasn't been uploaded...too bad.

so without further ado...

aquaman #73: wait. skartaris?? warlord?? i've only seen such in zahri's recaps but i am intrigued lol. we start with mera hanging with a delightfully half-dressed warlord, both captive. valgos has apparently control of aquaman's hand (and aquaman) and used it to punch warlord in the face. mera is tied up suggestively by some tentacle looking roots. garth is here, also getting sucked into some suspicious water. so is dolphin, but something mysterious is being implied about baby cerdian. anyways arthur got out of being mind controlled enough to give mera a way to get her and warlord out. day is saved, warlord is still scantily clad. not out of skartaris yet!

batman: dark victory #12: how have i never read dark victory? weird. well, may as well jump in on the penultimate chapter. i'll be honest, i'm only so-so on jeph loeb & i can tell dark victory has all of his hallmarks--a quick whos who of everyone in an attempt to tell an iconic story that will be collected & reprinted forever. good & enjoyable tho.

gotham knights #9: could i read dick & tim watching batman fight hugo strange on a rooftop and eating popcorn forever? yes, yes i could

sorry but look at them!! look at tim's little grin as he's like!! look dick they're on the rooftop!!

birds of prey #23: dinah & lady vic looking for gorilla grodd. trying to get a heart for blockbuster. deathstroke is unfortunately also there. i do like that ted thinks babs should send the justice scouts to help her & says that that's the team robin said he was on...i assume this conversation occured after tim locked dick in the simulation room and left with ted. i can only imagine how that conversation went and let me assure you it was delightful.

cartoon network starring #15: can't find it on dcui. thank god, bc i didn't want to read it.

deadenders #9: found the collection on dcui ultra. i have no idea what is happened, but it seems good.

jsa #16: it's a jsa book that's for sure. lots of characters, many of whom i don't know but some of them i do. it was. Alright.

legends of the dc universe #34: hal is the spectre & he's a mostrous many headed beast to kill someone. and then spectre things happen. it's the middle of a story, so i only have so much working knowledge of what is going on here.

millenium edition the brave and the bold #85: looks to be a reprint of the original? so i just read that. anyways. batman & green arrow team up. a senator gets shot & he was going to vote on an anti-crime bill. they want to name bruce as his replacement. both oliver queen & bruce wayne are both having an identity crisis about whether they're more important as their civilian or hero personas. bruce straight up tells the son of the senator who got shot (and who bruce wants to replace the senator instead) that he's batman and then says he can't reveal bruce's secret because he's a psychiatrist...bruh he ain't a priest lmao. then oliver also tells this same dude he's green arrow. bro if we're looking to a team therapist lets bring back this ed dude. he did get kidnapped tho. bruce becomes a senator. and then resigns. and then ed self hypnotizes himself to forget who the heroes are. and i say forget that, bring psychiatrist ed back.

orion #6: i feel like i read an orion issue during like. J:LL or something? and i didn't like it then and i still don't really like it.

robin #82: ahahaha brentwood. wesley the new roommate! intro of danny temple! steph being reasonable about wanting to know tim's identity and jealous and unreasonable about eveything else! i did forget that tim called dick to ask for advice & dick was like "go on the weekend trip with them!" & he does. and steph sneaks into the hospital star is at. classic.

superboy #80: roxy becomes a burning alien! serling! the titans show up at the end & are kind of dicks! (love when other characters show up to be antagonistic to the protagonist even tho they're not like that at all lmao)

superman the man of steel #106: that sure is a Chin on clark there lmao. john henry & lois working together is fun! lex winning the people over bc he's running for president! fun!

the dreaming #54: honestly, going into these things blind with no context has been fun. no clue what's happening or why but the vibes are fun. mr. corinth is apparently mortal and the lady with teeth eyes is having fun.

the powerpuff girls #7: also can't find it in dcui. another thank god, cause i didn't wanna read it.

the titans #21: the trial of cheshire! while donna and roy are apparently in some sort of situationship. jessie quick's mom is giving me fanon janet drake vibes. there's a lot of moms in comics who seem to have the vibe people want for janet, but like. they actually exist, unlike fanon janet. anyways people want to kidnap lian to stop cheshire from testifying. lian is adorable, i love garth swimming roy to get to her "hold your breath" & i really do need to read this series front to back at some point. deathstroke jump scare at the end.

tom strong #10: motherfucker this was written by alan moore? siiiiiigh. if i *must*. immediately:

thanks, i hate it. there are. a lot of adjectives here. honestly the whole time i'm reading it i'm thinking of the guidance counselor from 10 things i hate about you constantly trying to find a different description for an erect penis. you know what's a good movie? 10 things i hate about you. this is not. and then the second half is a story where tom strong is in a land of furries for some reason. he finds an anthropomorphic rabbit alternative version of himself. anyways, first story: not good. second story: not good. third story about tom strong's daughter tesla also running into alternate universe versions of herself? definitely the best of the bunch but also

not good.

#dc read a random week

13 notes · View notes

multiplicity-positivity · 15 days

Note

I don't know if this is the right place to ask and I've made a post about this before, but I'll ask anyway. We need some advice. We couldn't focus on our mental health due to some reasons, and now we are having an identity crisis. We are having a hard time telling who is who. What would you recommend for me to do about this? (Sorry if this isn't understandable I don't know how to describe it)

Hi! We’re sorry to hear that it sounds like y’all have been going through a rough time. We also can go through spells where it’s difficult to determine who is who (usually when we are triggered, exhausted, overwhelmed, or heavily dissociated).

For us, it usually just takes some time, patience and practicing some grounding techniques in order for us to reach a place where we can recognize ourselves and each other once more. We’ll link some posts we’ve made in the past which might have info that could help y’all!

^ Depersonalization can make it difficult for us to understand and connect with our own identities. Here’s a resource post on depersonalization and derealization in case y’all would like to learn more!

^ Practicing grounding and RESTing can help us calm down and center ourselves in our own body, mind, and experience!

^ Having unmet needs can often worsen our feelings of dissociation and make it harder for us to determine what exactly we need and who we are - this post has some basic questions to help with self care!

Hopefully with some time, patience, and a little effort spent prioritizing your body’s needs and your own needs as a headmate (even if you don’t know who you are in this moment) y’all will be able to start figuring out who is who once more. We’re wishing your whole system the very best of luck with understanding yourselves in the future!

#dissociation #depersonalization #self care #grounding

16 notes · View notes

our-demigirl-experience · 25 days

Note

Submitted this to a few more blogs but I thinking im getting most accuracy here, from what i've seen around:)

Hey

Asking for advice as I'm going through another [sparkle sparkle] gender crisis [uiii ]

So I tend to present really androgynously/masc most of the days. It's comfortable, it's not tight fitting, it looks eccentric, you can't tell I'm afab so bonus points, and it feels like me.

On those days I just go by they/them. In my mind. I'm not out, mind you. My parents aren't supportive. :')

But then I have days when I'm fine with people she/her-ing me. Even tho I present the same way, because it feels good.

And then there are days when I dress like a dude and act like the most fem person ever.

Then there are days when I totally switch up my style, go from loose baggy men's jeans and overshirts to the classic flared jean and crop top and I'm definitely a girl. Except for when I decide I'm uncomfortable and just switch up, go to the bathroom, put my binder on, gel my hair and start acting like a dude dressed in girls' clothes. [A little note:I started carrying a few men's items like cologne and gel at first for fun and to spruce up my looks whenever I need some confidence, but yeah they've been life savers :] ]

Then I don't even bother with pronouns, people are just going to assume whatever ig.

And then there are days when being called a girl is just straight up offensive and I just hate all the hair on my head and need to shave it but then I don't feel he/him, because boy is also nasty those days and I'm just an angry gremlin and idk.

And then there are days when I love flowery patterns and knitwear and those hippie round hats(not beanies, idk what they're called. The ones that look like a fishmonger's staple piece and are a sort of floppy downsides) and I love menswear those days but paired with dresses and sometimes makeup and sometimes shorts and it's all weird and genderfuck and I just don't bother.

Then there are days when I just play with my appearance for fun, not because of gender but because it's also how I express myself and idk.

...Basically I just broke my gender and now it's also a style somehow but not always and it's so frigged up. And I've done my research and the top labels would be one of the demis or genderfluid but meh

And I'm mostly sure I'm not bigender/trigender/pangender etc because it doesn't resonate and also I never got this thing with half a gender or more than one, I just thought demi-s at first because it leaves room for parts and bits that don't really fit. And I also dunno if what troubles me is my gender or my style as binarised and if I'm reffering to stuff correctly because SINCE WHEN IS GENDER SO COMPLICATED MOST PEOPLE DON'T EVEN THINK ABT ITT whyyyy

And I'm usually fine with being called a girl but !not! with being feminine and I feel like ~ meh~ and I want a dude's body and stubble, yeah, stubble would be cool.

And I think that when I was a kid I never particularly cared, I mean I was tomboyish sometimes but not always and it usually depended on the environment. And yeah I hated dresses but now I don't and being called a girl never gave me pause but now it does and it is uncomfortable too.

And I'm also thinking it's just me overthinking everything because nothing EVER gave me pause until my pinterest insisted "yeah ur trans" because of my more masc style and I was like "fine let's see. I might get rid of the soft fem outfits in my feed" and it was a downwards spiral.

And I had been warned that after questioning ur sexuality comes gender identity and I said "I'm fine, I'm just nonconforming cis" and now idk nothing makes sense anymore.

I'm sorry if this is triggering at all to anyone, with my binarised thinking and stuff but thing is: IM NOT OUT YEYY(not that I'd know what to come out as and not that my family would support me :l ). That's how people perceive me. And I just want to give a picture of what caused me to be questioning.

I know it's a lot to handle, but advice? :)

And also some fashion tips. :))

Tyssm <3

I get it! Gender can be really confusing. My main advice is to test out using different labels to find out which one you like the most! And for fashion, it really depends on your style!! Pinterest can be really helpful for things like this. Good luck <3

#gender questioning #our demigirl experience #asks

8 notes · View notes

tg-pilled · 1 month

Text

Let's discuss: Queerness in Tokyo Ghoul!

To start off, I just want to mention that these are things I have noticed. Nothing is necessarily canon (or non canon) but it's something I'm very interested in. I've been learning a lot in the queer horror club I'm in and it's been really fun dissecting Tokyo Ghoul in the same way!

This will go character to character. It's not going to be a complete list as there's SO much to cover but...

Kaneki: Not to state the obvious but his friendship with Hide surpasses a Lot of what heteronormativity usually allows. I don't think he's even fully aware of his attraction until after he meets Touka. Because Hide had been such a permanent fixture in his life growing up, they never really had ever been apart. Their bond is deep and strong and definitely can be looked at from an extremely queer perspective. (I'm not trying to say that all men who show affection to one another are queer because that is simply not true.) Once he becomes a ghoul and he has that separation from Hide, I think that is when his sexuality is fully recognized. Especially in the manga, his bond with Hide runs deeper than with almost every other character. I'd say the exception to that rule is Touka in :re. In the manga during the death kiss, he didn't even know if Hide was real or not. He was in such a state of disorientation and confusion but Hide was still the one that he saw. Of course, Hide was actually there with him. But because Kaneki was in such a delirious state, surely he could have hallucinated the death kiss to be with Touka? Or anyone else? Why specifically did Hide come to mind during that time? Again, he was in a moment of crisis and Hide had always been that stability for him but it's just curious to think about...

Hide: I've seen and read so many different rumours about how Sui Ishida intended for Hide to be canonically bisexual. However, I can't find that interview or confession ANYWHERE in a way that makes it clear that Sui Ishida actually said that so we will disregard that for now. Setting that aside, Hide has a very intriguing point of view of Kaneki. His insight on Kaneki's life is the closest we get to an outside perspective of Kaneki's behaviour from an intimate view. Obviously we see other ghouls, CCG members, etc. studying the way Kaneki behaves but we never see it in the same way that we do with Hide. That boy has been taking notes on Kaneki since he first started acting odd. He caught onto Kaneki being a ghoul with ease (ofc this depends on the version as well. We are ignoring the live action version because it screws up the source material.) No matter how hard Kaneki tried, he could not get Hide to stop caring and stop observing. Hide went undercover in both the CCG and ghoul world to make sure Kaneki was okay. His life centred around Kaneki. That in itself is a confession of love and not in the platonic way.

Uta: Setting aside the way he looks at Renji for a moment, his entire being breaks the norms which is what queerness and queer history has always been. Uta quite literally makes masks so ghouls can create a whole other identity surrounding their otherness. His entire presence screams queer-coded.

Tsukiyama: I don't think I need to explain this one much tbh but his obsession with Kaneki cannot be overlooked. It is obviously super creepy in a lot of way and he crosses a TON of boundaries. However, that level of obsession is definitely not in a "you're my guy pal, let's go lift weights at the gym" (idk what cishet men do I'm sorry). His fascination with both the male and female ghouls feels very queer to me even though it is to an extreme that needs to be observed and dissected with caution.

Nico: He is the embodiment of a gay stereotype. Obviously not all rep is good rep but he definitely fits the mold and he is definitely queer, no doubt about it.

Mutsuki: Without a doubt, he is trans. Many people argue "oh he only transitioned so he could become a Quinx Squad member and change his identity better blah blah blah." HOWEVER. I raise you: once Urie found out his assigned gender at birth, why did he feel so deeply uncomfortable? Obviously, he was worried that Urie would tell everyone and their mom but even after Urie kept that a secret, he was still nervous. It's almost like he didn't want to be treated differently because of his assigned gender at birth and transition... There is a lot about Mutsuki that could have been handled better but I also think that him keeping his preferred name, pronouns, etc. is so important. Not once did Urie question it, he just wanted Mutsuki to keep doing his job well. Mutsuki is a very complex character and you can dissect his storyline from a million povs but I think first and foremost that he is trans and that there isn't really a question as to whether or not he wants to be referred to as a man or not

Overall, all these characters are only a small part of an even LARGER queer analogy! Tokyo Ghoul is about a man learning to grapple with being both ghoul AND human. Taking this into account, a ton of queer people have to be worried about being 'found out' or 'outed' because we live in a world where it is dangerous for queer people to exist still (much like it is dangerous for ghouls to exist). Kaneki is coming to terms with the fact that he might not be fully human (or the societal norm). Learning to deal with that, especially when you feel like you're the first EVER because you have no prior experience or relationships with other members of the LGBTQ+ community is terrifying! That feeling of 'otherness' or 'monstrosity' is unfortunately something a lot of queer folks have to go through. The CCG has a very religious/governmental parallel to it and could even be used as a metaphor for the hate that queer people receive from institutions that benefit from our suffering. However, Akira AND Amon both empathize with Takizawa eventually and are subject to abuse and rejection because they love and care about someone in the 'other' community. Haise's transition and morphing with Kaneki is a beautiful metaphor for how many queer people will try to be 'normal' or conform to society for protection but you always kind of know your identity is there. As mentioned earlier, Uta makes masks for other ghouls so they can create a separate identity to protect themselves when trying to exist. That feeling of two separate identities, two separate worlds that you think cannot combine is SO common in the queer community. Kaneki feeling like he isn't enough of ghoul OR human to fit into the world at all is often how queer people are treated too. Being told you're not enough of something and being rejected by communities who allegedly were there to protect you. To conclude, I'd like to say thank you for reading all this (if you did) and also feel free to add on, debate, or include things I'm missing! Also I wrote this very very sleep deprived so I'm sorry about my grammar. Okay goodnight oomfies

#tokyo ghoul #tokyo ghoul kaneki #tgre #tg kaneki #tokyo ghoul analysis #lgbtqia #lgbtq analysis

9 notes · View notes

illegiblehandwriting1 · 10 months

Note

wanna ask this cause i really like your fics, and wanna see how you think on this 👀 so a lot of fanon has other links being bitter towards hylia, but wouldn’t it make more sense for sky to have a bitterness/fear of Hylia? considering it was confirmed to his face that he was legit MADE to be a hero, fight demise and had his entire journey manipulated by hylia? and would that cause conganitive dissonance with his relationship with zelda?👀👀👀

HI hi hello :D jksgrzfnhieaklmgrjihdkloifndk THANK YOU SO MUCH, I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKE MY FICS I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH <3 <3 <3

you just asked, like, one of my favorite questions ever rjghskgbvjkdehgijk sorry if this gets...long

Ok ok ok ok I COMPLETELY agree with you!!!! I think sky is a man of extremes - he either loves you or he despises you. For the most part, he adores everyone (other than a few key people cough cough ghirahim and demise cough cough). His whole convo with Zelda right before she sealed herself away fucked with him SO MUCH, because suddenly he is trying to cope about the fact that the goddess his entire culture idolizes manipulated him, and what makes it worse is that Zelda is the reincarnation of her.

ANYway, i think he absolutely hates Hylia, yeah! I think he despises her and is so bitter towards her and would be completely fine if she straight-up died! In my mind, he doesn't like any deity, really. He's had enough interactions with gods that he is absolutely comfortable telling them they all suck and he hates them lmao, but that's a tangent. It makes a lot more sense to me if he hated Hylia, but what might make others to disagree is the fact that Zelda was Hylia. Fortunately, I have a solution for that as well!!

When Zelda talks to him right before she seals herself, she mentions that she didn't know, she was happy to be his zelda, etc. So in my brain, after Demise dies, she has a full-on identity crisis (and probably also a "oh my gosh Link probably hates me" Moment cuz she knows him so well) where she's not sure who she is, if she's a goddess or just Zelda, cuz now she has all these memories that she remembers but she didn't experience them (Sun and Wild would be besties and you can't change my mind lol). So i think that Sky couldn't hate Zelda, and so they both work it out and they can both separate Hylia from Zelda and see that they're two different people. So would there be dissonance in their relationship? Sure, briefly, but they love each other and they work it out and both of them dislike Hylia, they're such a power couple and will fight god :D

As for fanon having other Links be bitter towards Hylia, I guess it works?? idk it works at first glance, but then i always remember that they have no fucking clue who Hylia is. Wild knows, obviously, but he's on good terms with her. I just think it's occasionally a little funny to see the Links ragging on Hylia when they canonically don't know she exists.

(my personal hcs are that the Links, especially Ledge and Time who are typically the most outspoken about it in fanon, pretty much just want nothing to do with the gods. They're more focused on the immediate "i can save this person and the world" part. Also, Time has his whole Master Sword thing. but in general, i think that any bitterness towards the gods (most likely the golden goddesses) is pretty surface-level and they don't think much about it. Not a single Link would regret saving the world. I think that's something I don't often see - they chose to be heroes, and they would do it again without hesitation. They just wish it didn't cause so much trauma. However, Warrior having religious trauma due to fighting a war and feeling like he and his soldiers have been abandoned, similar to WW1 soldiers, is just something so important to me :P)

uhhhhh i feel like there's something i missed but idk. I've thought about this A Lot. Actually, if you want to see a really clear-cut example of how I think Sky feels about Hylia, you can check out Smoke & Ashes, which is a LOT of angst so PLEASE BE CAREFUL, but chapters 13 and 14 are very prominently about how they feel about each other (in my head). yes i am shilling, but i love this fic lmao.

hope you have a lovely day, anon!!! tysm :D

#illegible answers #smoke & ashes #the shadow people have come to my inbox once more #and i welcome them! hi!#linked universe #lu sky #loz hylia #uhhhh yeah we'll keep the tags like that i think #sorry for the ramble!!! i just love these lil guys :3 #*plays with deities like barbie dolls*

28 notes · View notes

firewalkzwit · 11 months

Text

peace of mind // miguel o'hara x reader (5)

sorry guys listening to uzi's song werewolf had me hella edgy writing this so heres some y/n anti-hero lore angst

Masterlist

AO3 parallel

summary: In the eve of 2050, Spider-Woman is New York’s vigilante trying to maintain order in a revolting society, soon to collapse. The only reason to keep going is the hope for change, as the darkest hour is just before the dawn, but an unexpected turn of events will result in more than just New York to watch over.

(Contains some elements and references I gathered off other pieces of media to inspire the universe and, vaguely, the character.)

word count: 1.9k

Chapter 5

-I never called myself a hero, I'm no hero.

-To be a hero one needs to have a degree of possitive selflessness and devotion to philanthropist motives that I frankly do not have. Most heroes have something or someone that they love pushing them to become the good they are, a greater motive that is the reason for their zeal to their role.

-But my sacrifices don't come from a place of love, I'm taking the subject of saving New York into my hands because no one else will.

-Some are also heroes because their passion for their cause stems from a place of loss. I've lost a lot, but I can only lose so much before I lose myself. It's only once I had nothing that I could become who I became, when I can finally say that I don't care what happens to me.

-But despite this, I don't like being Spider-Woman, I have to be Spider-Woman.

-Collapse of structure (or what's left of it) is eventually coming, and I only continue to try to use my aches as drive, to push myself.

-There's no one out there to care about me, I come home to nothing, being Spider-Woman brings me no gratification, I get nothing from what I do, I simply have to and I've learnt to be okay with it.

-There is nothing great or admirable about what I do simply because I get nothing from it. It's just a good chore, an ocasional channel to my rage and suffering, vengeance for those who suffered in the hands of evil.

-I don't even use my powers ethically according to most, but that is merely a subject of morals and what my personal standpoint is on the law of retaliation.

-My presence is not praised, it is feared, as I do what I have to do and no more, the connotation of good and bad to my work varies greatly depending on who sees it.

-I respond to a need for change, not a need for the image of change. What I do good for and it's effects on our society are entirely apart and unrelated, that's the only thing that makes me different.

The mask had signified a lot of change, and had done a number on her character and self-image. To have to compose herself as an intimidating and mysterious figure while wearing the mask made her immensely prone to implement this hostile demeanor in her usual self, which only made her feel like she was becoming a bad person. She wasn't proud of who she was when she wore the mask, so for her conducts to filter into her personality entirely made her fear for the integrity of her values as an individual, not Spider-Woman. She often felt she and Spider-Woman were two different people, and although she tried to keep her identity crisis bottled from interfering with her greater motives, it often crawled on her back to remind her that she was no good, and if she was doing no good there was no worth in wearing the mask. Spider-Woman was intimidating, violent and vindictive, herself on the other hand tried to offer quiet kindness and a passive sense of approachability through small details, like the way she spoke and stood. The only thing she and Spider-Woman had in common was that they agreed that dying without having at least tried to salvage New York from the lurking mayhem was unacceptable. Spider-Woman had to do good because that's the only way it could turn out to her, it never occured to her that she could be evil, or neutral. She allowed room for her moral greyness in her merciless operations, but being an anti-hero was the furthest she could go. Neither her or Spider-Woman cared for what happened to them either, which allowed them to turn into who they did, and fear for nothing or no one ahead of them. She could only fear for those who still feared, for those who still had things they could lose and cause them suffering, and it was only for those that she had chosen to turn into an ambulant protector. One thing she knew for sure is that she was no Aunt May's Peter Parker, she was no friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, she wasn't New York's 'Spidey'. To them she was just Spider-Woman, or an entitled vigilante that interfered with police operations, or a weirdo under the mask that liked to justify her violence as long as it was inflicted on bad people, and ocasionally a savior. For herself she was none, but it didn't matter, her work served the purpose of watching over New York, and as long as she continued to do so, everything else could be under control.

Joining the Spider-Society served exclusively to her only purpose. There were more threats to the wellbeing of a single city than she could have ever imagined, and she tried to mask how much she feared through cracking jokes and opening up to making new friends. A huge part of her realistically told herself that if she died trying it would be fine, but deeper inside she felt the need to succeed, and not just try. For this she stayed up in one of her many sleepless nights further perfecting her suit, and trying to use her new gizmo as a link to code her AI to an elemental degree of interdimensional responsiveness. Her bloodshot eyes fidgetted around the different screens devoting her absolute focus as her fingers ached from the prolongued tension of nonstop typing, only ready to surrender her attention to answer Miguel's call. While she didn't exactly like being Spider-Woman, there was nothing like the elation of tending for duties against supervillanous deeds. The appearance of Spot had brought a new spine-chilling threat to her city, but also a new source of adrenaline rushes and thrill at the idea of genuine battle. She wanted to go back to Spider-Society so badly it even embarrassed her. Not in so long had she yearned with such intensity for someone else's approval, and it only stemmed from her need to be of Miguel's liking to be able to take the subject of Spot into her own hands as much as she could. She didn't mind friends, but she was an awful teammate, one of those who does everything on their own in spite of others, a control freak. Miguel was the obstacle she needed to befriend, and she couldn't wait to prove him how worthy she was of being on his good side. She liked to remember as she smiled what he had said about her, knowing that it was only a matter of time before she made her way into his trust. On the other hand, her new friends from other dimensions had awoken in her a curiosity especially rooted on the strangeness of their relationship. Having interdimensional friends was a thing close to 2049's future, but it would take another good decade that would only prolongue itself if the conditions of society continued to deplete, and she had already made her own before it was even a thing for her universe. She was anxiously hoping for her watch to beep alerting her of an 'anomaly to handle' in another universe, and for her to succesfully impress Miguel.

"It's nice to see you around again." A familiar voice greeted her from behind, making her turn her head over her shoulder, mustering a smile as she gazed from the corner of her eye. "Hey Hobie." She turned her body to greet her new friend, strangely gazing at the hand he held out to her. "I'm just saying hi..." He stated confused as he frowned, her puzzled reaction to his greeting coming as a shocker. "My bad, we don't do handshakes in my dimension, illness transmition, I'm getting used to it here." She smiled warmly before holding his hand for a second in a strange awkwardness. Hobie caught lead of her way as he walked in his usual relaxed pace, hands on his pockets and slightly hunched, looking down at his companion. "So, how are you taking the whole Spider-Society thing? Hard to digest ay'?" She huffed as she scratched the back of her neck. "It's kind of strange, this whole society thing and Miguel, it's all a bit creepy." Hobie laughed under his breath before looking away from her. "Feels kinda' like a cult, freaky huh? Miguel... you get used to him. Not me, but you know, most of us." She laughed slightly at Hobie's comment, her fingers contorting unable to place themselves. All her limbs fidgeted anxiously, her sharp nails piercing her palms every time she clenched her fists and scratching her thumbs everytime she picked up on the tic. "So 'where you headed?" Hobie interrupted the silence as he stopped on his track, his inexpressive features sitting perfectly on his skin which barely showed any signs of allergies or scars from rashes. Seeing the other Spider-People often reminded her of how chaotic her dimension was, where having clear skin was a result of privileged access to filtered air in housing. She brushed off her analysis to stop herself from staring so bluntly. "Headquarters, Miguel needs me on my first mission, but I need to learn how to properly work my gizmo first." She actually had already learnt how to use it on her own, back at her dimension, gathering a lot of interesting information on it's capacities with the help of her AI, which she carefully stored in her database under a new column she had especially designated to her interdimensional travelling. Being taught to do something you already know how to do is a good chance to show off her intelligence, and would earn her points she knew needed. "Sounds boring, I'll see you around then." Hobie disappeared into the crowd as they parted separate ways, herself making her way to Sector 4.

"You're on time, good. Lyla, let's get working." Miguel's usual bitter greeting only fed further into her desire to conquer his praise. By that time she had already gathered he was a man of proud character and unlikely to be very vocal on his appreciation, but to be considered for any missions regarding the Spot was more than enough, whatever he had to say that wasn't strictly about Spot meant nothing to her anyway. Her hair curled around her fingers as she walked into his realm, as charming as she could get. His functional AI, which strangely enough had a name and a coded personality, explained carefully the functions of her gizmo, but she was paying little to no attention to it. Her disdain to artificial technology's replacement of human connections was something she tended to keep to herself, given the touchiness of the subject in her dimension. She had made the moral decision of owning no technology that didn't serve strictly to the purpose of alleviating her tasks, making no bonds with her services. But Lyla seemed to be no artificial girlfriend of Miguel's, but rather simply his AI. Almost babying her, Lyla would passionately go into detail about all the things she had already meticulously analysed and took note of the previous day, to which she would ocasionally cut off in an arrogant demeanor to indicate that she already knew all of it. "Lyla seems to be done getting you through the basics." Another Spider-Woman who had earlier been introduced as Jessica, and her likely mentor throughout her learning process, gestured with her head towards the newly opened portal with a side grin, where Miguel had already jumped into without waiting for them.

i so promise i’ll stir something more interesting with more of miguel and yn for the next chapter pls trust the process 🗣️

#miguel o'hara #miguel spiderverse #miguel o’hara x you #miguel o’hara x y/n #miguel o’hara x reader #spiderman 2099 #spiderman 2099 x reader #spiderman 2099 x you #spiderman across the spiderverse #spider man: across the spider verse #across the spiderverse #across the spiderverse fanfiction #atsv fanfiction #atsv fic #atsv #angst #slowburn #friends to lovers

30 notes · View notes

ohifonlyx33 · 1 year

Text

I'm really sorry if I sound negative, I just need to voice some of my thoughts on how Malina was written at the end before I can content myself with the rest of the season....

because even though I hear what people are saying about "choice" ...I just can't make it fully make sense...

Mal's ability to track is based on Morozova's magic bloodline. and his special link to Alina allows him to hear a buzz in the back of his head when he's holding her hand or searching for her. But what has that got to do with them falling in love???

By all means, question it (preferably before the "Vows We Could Keep" scene, please). But for goodness sake, come to the right conclusion.

'Cause I just don't buy this idea that they can't tell if what they have is real or not... and neither did they in the book. Certainly not Malyan "you were meant for more than I can give you so say goodnight and send me away before I kiss you senseless" Oretsev who drove himself mad loving Alina from a distance, loving her even against all hope of a future together. And certainly not Alina "none of it mattered if Mal was dead" Starkov who loved him more than any amount of power he could offer her.

In the book they knew that they forged their own bond based on YEARS of history together and several life-changing events too. Their relationship wasn't just some easy thing.... it took them being forcibly split up, coming near death several times, and having to imagine never seeing each other again for them to finally admit what they felt out loud... they had to use human communication, writing letters and pining for years, to work out what they meant to each other after being scared to say it... So yes, they earned their relationship.

But yes, they also accepted that fate brought them together and were glad of that. They didn't deny that they were always destined to meet, but it just followed naturally in their minds that if and when they met, of course, they would inevitably fall in love--because they love each other so much now that how could they not love each other then? And yet... they both acknowledge that they would be different people without each other and their love story would look different... but still they can't imagine a lifetime in which they meet and don't fall in love.

At the point when Mal looses his Tracking Ability, the loss is not enough for him to question if their friendship and love and sacrifice for one another was only destiny because he'd already confirmed that their love was not a product of their magical link. Just like Alina's magical link to The Darkling couldn't make her love him, it could only call or draw her to him, even when she actually hated him. In the same way, Mal and Alina could have grown up enemies or rivals always orbiting one another but never actually caring for one another. It was their understanding... They genuinely cared about each other. They formed a true friendship and fell in love.

The way we know it's not because of magic is because the love they share was never contingent solely on a warm fuzzy tingly feeling when they were near. Summoning sunlight and tracking amplifiers does not equate to falling in love.

If being the sun summoner and the firebird is what brought them together, what was it that kept Mal from just running away with her once they were together? What was it that made Mal admire her strength and leadership even if it meant she needed to marry a prince and keep him at a distance? He saw her needs, her duty, her destiny and took himself out of the picture thinking it would be best for her. That's not an act of ~magic drawing them together... that's selfless, sacrificial love.... which is kinda their WHOLE THING and the whole reason they are endgame. Because sacrificial love is stronger than cruel greed and power any day. That's what Malina is about. Choosing love over power.

So even though I understand Mal having some kind of identity crisis about what his purpose is without his tracking ability, and even though I like the idea of "I choose you" at least as much as "you are my destiny" ...I don't like when the show has him suggest that their shared destiny in finding each other somehow also negates their free will in the matter of falling in love. They already chose one another... They already fought for each other over and over again. And not because of ~magic.

And that small but somehow massive shift in the narrative is the one thing I really struggle to get behind... because it's like the writers are conceding that there was a problem with the way the book was written when there never was.

#malina #mal x alina #alina x mal #malyen oretsev

38 notes · View notes