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ultralightpoe · 7 months

Text

Chaos - Bucky Barnes

Authors Note: terribly written but I'm clearing out my drafts

Warning: mentions of abuse

Word Count: 2340

Part One Here

Enjoy!

“What the hell happened?” Cho snaps, moving to the gurney being pushed in and surveying the amount of blood that was spilling. “Back up! I need room, someone page Stark immediately!”

The lights of the tower flicker under the storm, and Steve watches as Cho’s team wheels the gurney away quickly, his hand shaking heavily. Panic claws at his throat as the scene from earlier unfolds in his mind once more, turning slowly to the redhead beside him.

“Steve-” She starts before he shakes his head.

“Nat, this is not a conversation you want to have with me right now.” He sighs, bringing a hand up to pinch his nose before he realizes it’s coated in blood and pulls it back sharply. “I need to shower.”

He storms off, shoulders squared as he thinks about all the reports he is about to fill out.

“We won’t have much time, in and out as fast as we can. Everyone has their tasks?” Steve asks, making sure everyone nods back to him before making eye contact with you. “Y/n, I know this will be your first mission-”

“We should go before the storm gets any worse.” You interrupt, fixing your headset and moving to the bay of the quinjet, grabbing your bag before being the first to leave the ship and rushing to leave them behind.

“Slow down Y/n.” You hear Bucky warn in your earpiece, and normally you would turn around to wait for him. But he wasn’t your partner on the mission today, so you didn’t turn and kept the same pace. They could catch up if they wanted.

Bucky stops in his tracks when he sees you march off, not bothering to turn to him, his heart thundering in his chest. Normally you would slow down for him, normally he would have your back during missions.

It was a slow realization that you would be alone.

“Maybe we should-” He starts, feeling like a fool as Sam turns to look.

“We gotta go, come on man.” He mumbles, watching as Nat takes lead.

It was going to be a simple mission, in and out, Bucky reminds himself. Taking a deep breath before following the rest.

“We need a report,” Tony sighs, tracing through the footage of the mission, eyes widening at the fight. “I’ve never….”

“Tony, I’ve never seen it before. And it’s my fault.” Nat sighs, rubbing her hand across her face. “I got involved.”

“How?”

“I got in Bucky’s head a bit. I was just worried-”

“Worried about what?”

“About Bucky and- I just remember coming out of the red room and being so attached to Clint. I had no family, no story, no morals. I was just pain. I was in pain myself and I inflicted pain onto others.”

“You went through something terrible-”

“THEY WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TERRIBLE! Bucky went through 70 years of it and the experiments they ran on Y/n….. I just wanted them to safe. I didn’t want them to get hurt.” She sighs, picking at her hair. “I love them both and I just wanted them to take a break. Maybe they would see how much they needed each other, and they would finally admit it to each other.”

“You should know by now that Barnes never thinks the way we do.”

“He thinks he is going to ruin everything he touches.”

“I know someone like that.” Clint interrupts from the door, giving Nat a small smirk. “Let’s just take a night to rest, Cho will update us if need be.”

It had turned into a mess too fast, and there was nothing you could do to stop it. The rain covered most of your vision as the walls of the compound seemed to be closing in quickly, the others screaming over the intercoms as they had been ambushed.

You had been tasked to get the files from the lower levels of the compound, and you had planned to get it done quickly. You had not planned, however, to be locked in the basement as it began flooding.

“GUYS!” You should, tears springing from your eyes as you cling to the door, the water reaching your ankles at the top of the stairs.

“They blew up the dam-” Sams voice cuts through, half static half radio. “Steve, to your right-”

Gunshots could be heard in the background, Natasha cursing and you truly did not think they could hear you at all anymore. “Shit.”

Instead of clinging to the door you turn to survey another way out of the room, eyes scanning over every inch of space to find your exit. The intercom in your hear rumbles with static before your name breaks through, Bucky’s voice sounding panicked. The next thing you know the intercoms have a sharp ringing through them that makes you gasp out and tear it from your ear quickly, dropping it in the water and diving in to find a way out.

Bucky curses as he tears the intercom from his ear, dodging a bullet quickly and diving behind a wall as Nat stays covered by her own, making eye contact for a second as she tears her own comns out.

First the heavy explosion that shook them down, the dam breaking and water beginning to flood, Hydra soldiers attacking them and now their comns were down. Worst of all Bucky could not find you.

Heart thundering through his ribs as he bites at his tongue to keep from grunting in pain when he realizes he had been shot, but right now that doesn't matter. He had to find you.

“I have to find Y/n!” He shouts, watching Nat nod before he dashes to the exit that you were supposed to use. Just as he reaches the metal door something loosens in his chest, knowing you would were near and he could find you. He would never let you go he swore to god.

He pulls the door, desperate to get to you, only to find it sealed shut. So his metal hand takes charge, bending into the metal as he grunts out, doing his best to get it off. A shout of pain fills the air as Sam comes into view, moving to help Bucky tear the door off.

They make eye contact for a moment, the rain beating down on them before a blast of light blows them to the side, heat covering their bodies as they ram into the wall.

Bucky’s head slams into brick, he hears Steve shout and Sam scream out in pain before it all goes blank.

He would never see the chaos erupt.

Steve is up the second the sun filters through the curtains, happy to finally get to leave his room and check on his friends' health.

Nat is already waiting for him in the front hall of the med bay, a nervous look on her face as Steve walks past her to speak with Cho.”Any update?”

“He’s breathing.” She sighs. “And he was so lucky Y/n was there.”

You could hear the explosion from under the water, and in a panic you swam back up, only to find that the water had flooded to the roof and your face was pressed to the ceiling to catch your breath.

Taking a moment to breathe as you hear Sam scream in pain, there was a pain in yoru chest that you couldn’t explain. It felt like a panic attack but worse, you couldn’t breathe and you couldn’t stop crying.

“PLEASE!” You scream, hands pressing to the ceiling as the water gets worse.

“Stop crying!” A voice breaks out, and you whip your head to find your old boss, the man that had thrown you into your first cell. The man that had ruined you.

He was standing in the center of the room, and you had to blink for a moment to realize that there was no water, and you were completely dry.

“W-what?”

“Stand up!” You listen to him immediately, just as you used to, the tears still streaming down your face as you look around the room. It was different now, when you had come in it had looked like a simple office, now it was your cell.

Or had it always been your cell?

Who was screaming?

“I SAID STAND UP!” Doctor Cornell shouts, stomping forward to drag you up himself, a slap tearing across your face as you cry out.

“Where’s Bucky?” You gasp, the pain in your cheek fading away quickly. “I want to find Bucky.”

“You think he wants you?” Cornell laughs bitterly. “No one wants you, I’ve made you a fucking freak.”

“I want b-” Before you can finish your sentence you remember Bucky ignoring you, avoiding you….. And then you realize why. Cornell was right, he had made you a freak. You were a monster.

A sob racks through your chest, and the painful feeling explodes.

You try to scream out, only for your lungs to fill with water and more panic to take place.

Steve could not believe his eyes, holding Sam's abdomen tightly in an attempt to stop the blood, watching as vines burst from the basement and travel across every surface faster then he ever thought possible.

“Is that……” Steve starts, looking to where Nat was trying to get Bucky up.

“Y/n.”

Sam gasps out as the vines wrap around him, tightening around his wound and glowing a deep golden color as some of the blood stops, the vines traveling further and wrapping around the Hydra soldiers tightly to stop them all.

Now that Sam's wound is being taken care of, Steve dashes to dive in the water, swimming down to try and find where you were. Only you were nowhere to be found, whatsoever.

By the time he comes back up he is panting for air, watching as Bucky kneels by the water with blood leaking down his face and panicked eyes looking at his friend. “Where is she?”

“She’s not down there.” Steve gasps.

“STEVE WHERE IS SHE?!” Bucky snaps, the water reaching his waist as Nat moves to snatch him back.

“The vines are dying, Y/n can’t hold them off forever. We gotta go.” She rushes out, snatching the back of Buckys vest.

“NOT WITHOUT Y/N-”

“Bucky. Y/n is holding them off but we have to get Sam out of here. Please.”

“Any word on Y/n?” Bruce asks, coming into the surveillance room where Clint is deep diving into the footage.

“I can’t find her.” He admits, eyes never leaving the screen. “I would love some help.”

“You got it.”

“Lock the door before Barnes comes in and bothers me again.” He sighs, watching Bruce lock it. It was a joke, but he knew that Barnes was hurting. He could understand that.

Bucky woke up in a startled panic, reaching to your side of the bed quickly, sitting up to find you when he doesn’t feel you. “Y/n?”

His voice is scratchy, a mix of all the screaming from yesterday, and he slowly realizes you aren’t there as the memories resurface.You weren’t here, you were gone. They weren’t able to find you yesterday.

A knock sounds at the door and Bucky jumps up, excitement filling him as he rushes to answer, hoping to see your face on the other side of the door, only to find Steve on the other side. His heart plummets to his stomach as his friend looks at him softly.

“You found your way to her apartments then?”

“I think I came here immediately yesterday.” He answers truthfully, letting Steve in before looking around the room, seeing all the dead plants. “How did her plants die in a day?”

“Buck…..” Steve starts, and Bucky tenses, fists clenched as he turns to his friend. “It’s been…. It’s been a week.”

“What?” Bucky laughs, flinching as Steve turns on the light.

“It’s been a week. You came here the night we brought you back and you passed out, I think because of the head injury-”

“If it’s been a week then where is my doll?”

“We…. we can’t find her Buck.” Steve sighs, rubbing between his eyes. “I think it’s time you and I talked about some things-”

“Talk about things? I can’t talk I have to go find her Steve-” He moves to pass his friend but Steve shoots his hand out to catch him.

“I think it’s time to admit you love her.”

Freak freak freak freak freak.

Your mouth was dry and your feet hurt, this was the only thing you could comprehend.

The lady in the market was staring at you wildly, looking terrified as she reached a hand towards you, concern flashing through her eyes. “Are you okay?”

She had a heavy accent, one that reminded you of someone, but you couldn’t put your finger on it. What was it…..russian?

“Do you want me to call someone?” She asks, rubbing your shoulders. “What’s your name?”

“I…..I’m….” Who were you? You blinked slowly, trying to remember who you were. All you saw was a flash of someone with a metal arm before you were met with a bald man in a lab coat. “I… don’t…. Who am I?”

Bucky finds himself in the med bay the next morning after a long lecture from Steve, staring at Sam as his friend runs on the treadmill.

“I… I am so confused. Steve said you were in critical condition?”

“He was.” Cho answers in amazement, reading the stats that Sam is sending through the tech pad in her hands. “But he is completely healed.”

“How?”

“Y/n, there were traces of her vines left in the wound. It’s completely healed now.”

“Her…. she’s never done that before.” Bucky mumbles, a tight feeling in his chest. “What do you think it means?”

“I think we need to find Y/n, as fast as we can. That was way too much energy used.” Cho answers, a grim expression on her face.

Bucky could do that, he would tear apart the world to find you.

Tag List:::

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saiidahyunie · 2 months

Text

i wonder everything about us

minatozaki sana x f!reader || last part from ballroom extravaganza and pt.1

synopsis: your composure is starting to break, and it lands you in front of the very person that started it all.

warnings: fluff ; angst ; cursing ; alcohol ; arguing ; reader is a dumbass/conflicted ; misscommunication ; 127 doyoung and g-idle miyeon appear! ; dahyun, minju, and somi also have a small cameo ; tzushu and seuirene ship ; almost cheating sorta? ; kinda proofread

a/n: wrapping up the sha rich story here. enjoy! :)

there’s been more situations worse than this one. break the eggs and someone’s gotta make the omelet.

“who was that?”

you’re sitting on the couch while mina paces in front of you, arms crossed over with your chest in a self-soothing gesture. sana was sent back to your room, but you can’t help but wish that she was right here and next to you—it would make you feel braver than she was.

“well?” mina demands. “who?”

“my…she’s my girlfriend.” the lie you just spat tastes like ash in your mouth.

“she’s older.”

“not by much,” you protest. “only eight years.”

“eight—? y/n, you’re almost twenty-two. what are you doing with a woman nearly in her thirties?”

“i’m turning twenty-three in a month or so. don’t insult me.”

“i just don’t know what a twenty-nine year old woman would want with a college kid.”

“kid?” you scoff. “geez, that’s so rich coming from you. how old is your business associate again?”

“this isn’t about me, smartass. it’s about you getting involved with someone whose intentions are a big fat question mark!”

“so what?! why would it matter if i’m graduating next semester with my life ahead of me. stop treating me like how auntie was with you!”

mina stares at you, silently, and her lack of reaction only serves to piss you off even more. so you keep going:

“and sana doesn’t have any shitty intentions with me! she’s my—my girlfriend and she’s good to me! she treats me well and she likes me. she texts me everyday and she comes over all the time and—!”

“does she help with expenses?”

you’re stopped dead in your tracks. “what?”

“does she give you money? you haven’t complained about finances recently.”

“i never complain about fiances, mina.”

“i know, but i can always tell when you’re stressed about them and you haven’t been. so let me ask again: does sana give you money?”

“i—” you stammer with the words. you can see the deeper question in mina’s eyes, probing you. forcing you to be truthful. “she…”

“i think if you’re gonna ask y/n about her finances, it’s probably safest to talk to me.”

the both of you whirl around to look at sana. she has her arms folded, foot bent as she leans against the wall. her expression is polite but her gaze is flat, angry. the simultaneous relief and anxiety that swells within you is strong enough to make you unsteady, and you’re grasping at the arm of the couch.

mina, fortunately, is ignorant to this.

“what did you say?”

“i said if you’re asking about whether i give your cousin any money, your best bet is to come directly to me instead of interrogating her.”

“you’ve got a lot of nerve to say that shit to me when this was happening behind my back.”

sana just shrugs. “i just don’t appreciate what you’re implying.”

“and what exactly am i implying?”

“that i have shady intentions towards y/n, which i don’t.”

your heart in chest thuds, staring down at your trembling fingers, clenching them over your lap. mina’s eyes flicker towards sana’s richard mille. “that’s a nice watch. you make money?”

“mina.” you hiss.

“i make a comfortable living.”

mina scoffs and rolls her eyes, muttering something under her breath. “rich people bullshit,” you can faintly hear her say. sana doesn’t reply, face remaining placid. her and mina have a loaded exchange of looks, before your cousin falters, gaze flickering to you.

“you want dinner?” mina inquires.

you blink. “i’m…why?”

“answer the question.”

“i guess im hungry?”

“wonderful.” mina snaps her stare back to sana, voice hard. “what about you?”

sana’s tone is emotionless. “i could eat something.”

“great,” mina says, zipping up her puffer. “let’s go get some thanksgiving dinner then.”

—

you all pack into mina’s car to drive to some restaurant of her choosing, the silence tense enough to cut. when she parks alongside the street, she orders you out of the car, telling to secure a table.

stumbling out, your characteristic grace rendered to nothing due to your anxiety. you step inside the small, hole-in-the-wall pizza restaurant, and ask the hose for a three person table booth. seeing that sana and your cousin aren’t behind you, you allow the host to lead to the table that’s in a corner to the far end of the entrance. after three excruciating minutes, you see the pair walk inside. sana’s expression is blank, and mina’s is unreadable. this does absolutely nothing to calm your nerves.

they sit down, mina across from you and sana at your side. she places her warm hand over your trembling knee, thumb stroking your skin to calm you, grasping it, intertwining fingers. sana squeezes back for comfort.

“so,” you begin shakily. “um—”

“you lied to me,” mina interrupts firmly, eyes hard, reducing you to a feeble child. it angers you. “why did you lie to me?”

“because i knew you would do this. because i knew you were gonna say something about it to auntie sometime later.”

“about what?”

“my decisions. my life. the way i choose to live my life. it’s why you do shit like this.”

mina narrows her eyes, offended. “care to elaborate more?”

“come here under the guise of checking up on me. interrogate me.”

“i only came because i knew you were lying to me.”

“and i lied because i know how controlling you are just like auntie!”

mina’s expression sours. “i’m not controlling like her.”

“yes, you are.” you snap. “you’re either controlling or completely detached. you either forget to call me for two months because you’re busy or you do random check-ins with me everyday for a week. i’m twenty-two years old and you still treat me like this only because auntie’s health hasn’t been well.”

“i don’t have any other choice.” she says tightly. “i don’t know how much auntie has left with time, but—” mina catches herself off, jaw clenching, and looks away from you. you and sana. “we may not be related by blood, but i still consider you my family. i’m sorry if i came off as cold or unmoving, but you’re all i have left.”

sana shifts beside you. “maybe i should—”

“no, it’s fine.” mina says, and glances back up. brown eyes meet yours, a mirror image. “i was just about to leave anyway.”

“what?” you gasp out.

“you shouldn’t.” sana interjects.

mina waves a dismissive hand. “i’ve said everything i wanted to say. to both of you.”

“don’t go if you’re gonna regret it later, mina,” sana warns. mina barks a laugh, tightening her jacket. “if you wanna be apart of our family, sana, learn the way we operate. y.n and i don’t carry regrets.”

she pointedly glances at you and you respond with shaking your head, mouthing a silent no. without any further ceremony, mina shoulders her handbag, moving to step forward. however, she hesitates and looks back at you, stopping in place.

“if you want me to be convinced you can hold out on your one, then act like it. stop giving so much of a shit about what i have to say. i spout just as much crap as everyone else. it’s up to you if you want to ignore me if you want.”

speechless, your mouth is parted, but mina was already on her way out of the restaurant by the time you can think of any words. when you see the black streak of her car driving way, you sigh, burying your face in your hands.

“i’m such a bitch.”

“don’t talk about yourself like that,” sana says, voice firm but touch soft, stroking down the line of your back. “she told me in the car she was gonna leave.”

“why?”

“same reason she just gave just now. she said everything she wanted to say to both of us.”

“and what did she say to you?”

“a better question is what i did say to her.”

you can’t help with the rush of cold fear that grips you. “what did you say?”

“what i felt about you. what you are to me.”

and it’s not the truth because it can’t be the truth—mina would’ve throttled sana otherwise—but the tenderness in her voice implores you to look up from your hands at her, to believe her. she reaches over to brush your hair out of your face, eyes sweet like liquid candy, mouth curling to smile. you crumble, falling into her.

“i’m sorry. i’m sorry you had to put up with that.”

“it’s fine, sweetheart.”

“no, it’s not. it’s awful and it’s unhealthy and i’m dumping my baggage onto you.”

“i don’t care. i want to know everything about you.” you flush, and sana adds, “also, if you think that’s bad you should meet my family. i’ve grown up with struggles of not being up to par with my relatives and being the laughing stock because of my lack of success. it’s half the reason i’m calling out of thanksgiving tomorrow. that and the fact that i’m working.”

“what?” you gasp, sitting up. “you’re working tomorrow?”

sana toys with a lock of your hair. “people get injured everyday unfortunately.”

“we should do something.”

“you don’t want to eat here?”

“i get one dollar pizza with irene at least once a week. we should do something special.”

a grin cracks sana’s face in half, radiant. “what if i made us dinner?”

“you can cook?”

“of course i can. i even have a special bacon mac and cheese recipe.”

“but i don’t have bacon.”

“we can take the subway to the grocery store and then take it back to your house when i can cook. c’mon, it’ll be fun.”

you bite your lip to suppress a smile. sana kisses it free. when she pulls back, you lean into her palm, lashes fluttering against the skin of it.

“okay, you lead the way then.”

—

grocery shopping with sana is efficient.

she doesn’t linger in aisles to windowshop. sana simply grabs what she wants and goes, one hand gripping a pack of bacon and a box of mac and cheese, the other hand clasped with your own. they’re in and out within five minutes.

the subway ride is almost as quick but fun, which is a strange thing to have on the g-train but it’s true. sana crowds you against the pole, shielding you from the other passengers as she whispers her judgment of them in your ears, speculating that the married couple standing across from them is miserable, will always be miserable, because they can’t ever feel what you and sana do.

the game is mean-spirited, you know, but sana’s ridiculousness makes you laugh. makes your stomach bubbly and your body light, fizzy like you’re made of crisp champagne. as sana kisses the curve of your ear, you think that you quite like the idea of being in on an inside joke with her.

you’re stumbling into the apartment within the hour, teeth chattering from the cold. sana removes your coat and scarf, hanging them on your rack before taking the grocery bag and hurrying into the kitchen. she looks excited, her lips spread wide in a near-permanent grin. you settle onto one of the high chairs, watching sana waltz around your kitchen like it’s familiar to her. it must be at this point.

“so. bacon mac and cheese.”

“a family recipe,” sana says, pulling a pot from the bottom cabinet. “my grandma used to make it for my mom when she was a kid. growing up pretty poor so she says this was basically a delicacy to her.”

“i can relate. when i was little, my favorite thing to eat was those cup ramen noodles that mina and auntie used to throw bits of beef and chicken in.”

“cup ramen is always good.”

sana fills the pot with water, placing it over the stove top and setting the heat on high. she then walks to your fridge to pull out a bottle of prosecco. “this is fancy.”

“hardly,” you snort. “i got it for fifteen bucks.”

“all wine target the same whether it’s five or fifty dollars. take it from someone who drinks the fancy shit at parties,” sana says, popping the cork off. she grabs two glasses and files them halfway before passing one to you.

sana raises it. “cheers.”

“happy thanksgiving.”

so you and sana drink. relishing in the sweet, crisp burn of the prosecco as it goes down, the alcohol warming you instantly. sana’s eyes on you are equally warm and dangerously fond. you take another sip to swallow down the mutinous rise of hope.

soon enough, the water starts boiling and sana pours the macaroni in, stirring it. you like it. you like the look of sana in your kitchen, her ease. the domesticity implied. you basically want to sink into it.

you get off your chair to slowly approach sana from behind, sliding your arms around her middle and leaning your cheek against the curve of her shoulder. sana leans into you, and you rise up to your toes, pressing lips to her cheek, kissing sana softly. when she sighs, head tilting down, you kiss sana again. again and again. wanting a tattoo of your affection to be left behind.

dropping back to your heels, and sana’s gaze finds yours, soft as silk. she curls her hand into your hair and brings you close, mouth against your forehead, nose in your hairline, breathing in.

“go sit down,” sana murmurs. “finish your drink.”

you step away from sana, chest hollow like you’re leaving something behind.

—

sana feeds you bites of mac and cheese that tastes a bit burnt.

“a capricorn mars?” sana asks, lips around the same fork. she dips it back into the bowl to fish for more macaroni. “what the fuck is that?!”

“okay so, everyone has planet placements—asteroids too but that’s more specific—and each of the planets has a specific meaning. i already explained that your sun sign—”

“capricorn.”

“capricorn, right—was the core of your personality. your moon sign is your private face, or your emotional center. mercury is communication. venus is romance and aesthetics—which might be an additional for you. and mars is aggression and sexuality.”

“and mine is in capricorn?”

“yeah, and capricorn is the domicile of mars.”

“it means that capricorn and virgo are already ruled by mars. the placement feels natural.”

“ah.” sana’s arms tighten around you, setting you higher up on her lap. “so that means i’m naturally aggressive and sexual?”

“no,” you laugh. “it means that it’s just an easier fit. that there isn’t any friction between the planet and sign. like, capricorns are very expressive in their confidence and humility. grounded with their words and they don’t sugarcoat what they say, they mean it.” you say, tapping sana’s chin, tugging on it with your thumb. “and they do it straightforwardly. mars suits it.”

sana nips at your thumb. “like you aren’t.”

“i’m a gemini,” you say. “a dynamic sign. two sides to show to the world.”

sana grins, and you move your hand up pushing her hair back. “how do you know all this stuff anyway?”

“i had a light…astrology phase in high school.”

“astrology?”

“yeah. my stuff might be off, but that’s to the best of my memory. but i dabbled with oujia birds. summoning, that kind of shit.”

“summoning?”

“i never actually summoned anything,” you mutter, flashing. “none of the spells worked.”

sana laughs, which earns your glare. you shiver when she reaches up and traces the curve of your ear.

“this explains the bit of eye bags to sell the dark look i’m getting out here.”

“pfft,” you stifle a laugh, turning your head off to the side. “the eye bags were from an insomnia phase i had during my first year of college. i didn’t know how to function at times, and my roommate was genuinely concerned when i brought up my terrible last two years of high school. i think i might’ve scared her.”

“really?”

“that’s another story for later, but let’s just say that it wasn’t pretty if you saw me like that.”

“wow,” sana says, impressed with your growth and resilience. “i was totally normal during high school.”

“i see and believe that.”

the only warning before sana flips you over and pins you on the couch is a flash of teeth, a mean smile. you cry, “the macaroni!” but sana already has it safely on the ground, her other hand moving to tickle your ribs. you’re shrieking, jerking in her hold.

“don’t!”

“what?” sana asks, laying over you, fingers sliding up your waist. “you’re ticklish?”

“no.”

“i think you are.”

“i’ll kick you.”

“no, you won’t,” sana says, but traps your thighs between her knees anyway. she lowers her head, mouth warm against your neck. “you’re too sweet.”

“sana—”

she offers you no mercy. with a simple crook of her fingers, she’s tickling you, trapping you against teh couch as you squirm and giggle beneath her. sana’s hands dip past your shirt to find your bare skin, relentless. while you writhe, sana shoves her face into your neck and hums.

“y-you’re–sana, you’re gonna kill me!”

“no, i’m not.”

“i can’t—” you erput into another laughing fit, tears in your eyes. “i can’t breathe!”

“you’re such a baby,” sana says, but slides her hands away to rest them on either side of your head. once you’ve recovered, you wrap your arms around sana’s neck and secure her to you. sana kisses the ridge of your jaw, sinking into you with a deep exhale. as if expelling a weight inside you.

“do you want to watch a movie?” you ask, fingers toying with the ends of her hair.

“sure. something nice.”

“like what? a rom-com?”

“yeah. i like those.”

you laugh. “do you really? i was expecting you to be more of a different answer than that.”

“were you expecting action movies?”

“but you prefer romance?”

“if they’re good.” when you look at sana disbelievingly, defensiveness enters her tone. “what?”

“i don’t know. a lot of people didn’t like them because it set unrealistic standards. or, at least that’s what my ex said.”

“well, your ex was a fucking idiot,” sana says heatedly. “there’s nothing unrealistic about it.”

there’s nothing unrealistic about grand, sweeping gestures and spotanoeulsy confessing your undying love in the middle of an airport?”

sana raises her head from your chest to look at you. “not unless if you’re a coward.”

you snort, a slow start to what would eventually become a full belly laugh. sana’s expression sours with every giggle, but when you throw your head back and knock it against the arm of the couch, sana reaches out to cradle it. while you recover, sana chooses a move, fingers soothing the bump.

—

by the time the credits of the second movie roll, sana rises from her position on your chest to sit up. she rubs her palms over her face, yawning.

“i have to go,” sana says with some regret, her eyes half-lidded. “i have work in the morning.”

you want to protest but feel ridiculously for it, childishly selfish. instead, you give sana a tight smile and follow her to the door, grabbing her coat from the rack to help her in it. you then take her scarf, pretty purple and wooly in your hands, holding out to her. sana smiles and drapes it over her neck. the open door behind her lets in an icy chill, and she binds you against her, broad palms cupping your face.

you love sana’s eyes. it strikes you suddenly as she tugs you closer, dazzling brown swallowing your vision. you wish the whole world could be that color. it could be that beautiful.

“i’ll call you tomorrow,” sana says.

your voice is soft, too small in your throat. “okay.”

sana smiles and ducks down to kiss you, lips warm and sweet and awfully chaste. you surge closer to meet her, trying to deepen it, but she doesn’t let you. she simply pecks the swell of your bottom lip again and leans back to look at you. the overwhelming affection on her face sends a bolt through you, sends a shiver up your spine that she mistakes for chill. concern flares in her eyes as she takes the scarf from her neck.

“are you cold?” sana asks, already pulling it off, settling it over your shoulders. “is it because the door is open?”

“i—” you can’t speak over the wool that covers your mouth. sana sloppily wraps it around you, her own body heat bleeding into you, nestling sweetly like hot chocolate beneath your skin. after she’s thrown the tail over your head, she tucks the scarf under your chin and asks, “is that better?”

“yes,” you manage to croak out.

sana smiles again and kisses you for the last time. when she steps back, the distance hurts. “i’ll see you later.”

“see you soon,” you whisper out to her, hand lingering out. the last thing you see before sana locks the door behind her is her smile.

it almost hurts not to follow.

—

“y/n!”

you pause, just steps outside of the auditorium. turning to see doyoung, your thesis editor and a TA for the psychology and ethics class. you smile as he approaches you, adjusting your coat against the chill. “hi.”

“hey,” doyoung says, grinning. “you just watched the lecture, right?”

“yeah. it was great. i didn’t know you were gonna attend.”

“i didn’t know you would attend either,” he says. “if i did, i would’ve asked if you wanted to sit together.”

smiling, close-mouthed, unsure of how to respond to that. doyoung barrels on before you can settle on anything. “do you want to meet her?”

“who? the lecturer?”

“mrs. cho, yeah.”

suspended in time for a second, you blink. “you know her?”

“yeah! i was one of her research assistants about a year and a half ago. she’s great. do you wanna meet her?”

“uh—sure, i would love to,” you say, a bit mystified, trailing after him when he starts to walk back into the auditorium.

doyoung leads you towards the stage where a woman who appeared to be around your height stands, chatting amiably with one of your professors. when doyoung calls her name, she looks over to you, sending a broad grin.

“kim doyoung?” she asks. is that you?”

“yes, ma’am,” he says, climbing onto the stage, reaching back to help you up. “it’s really nice to see you again.”

“it’s great to see you! how are things?”

“great!”

“and you’re almost done right? got not long now before you’ll be on the way out into the real world.”

“yeah, i’ve got most of the things done before applying for graduation. i even do some editing for other students on the side. speaking of.” doyoung reaches back, setting his hand on your back to gesture you forward. “this is one of the students i edit for.”

mrs. cho shifts her attention towards you. noticing how remarkably pretty she was up close compared to sitting a few rows back. she has bright red hair that was noticeable from far, fair skin with rosy cheeks that encapsulate a bubbly personality when she spoke to the class. for some reason her laugh and mannerisms were similar to a familiar person. you couldn’t put your thumb to it, but the fact that her occupation was also in the medical field should’ve sent the alarms ringing.

“and who this might be?” she asks.

“y/n l/n. she’s a bachelors student in the pipeline for the masters program.”

“y/n–” her eyes shot up. you’re startled by the intense reaction of you, the way her jaw drops like the two biggest dots were just connected. “y/n l/n? are you actually y/n l/n?”

“uh.” you’re glancing at doyoung who seems confused as you were. “y-yes, that’s me.”

mrs. cho covers her mouth with both of her hands, hiding her smile. “my goodness that’s amazing! do you know sana?”

“sana?” your heart swells, stomach sinking as the realization slaps across you ten-fold. how could’ve you been so blind? one of sana’s closest friends, miyeon. miyeon. sana’s shown the pictures of her on that one hangout they had when they were in medschool, dressing up like boys with dad hats backwards and nerdy glasses that looked surprisingly cute and wished sana looked like that for you.

“no way.” you breathe out.

“oh my god!” miyeon echoes. “this is crazy!”

“who is sana?” doyoung asks, reminding you abruptly of his presence.

“my best friend,” miyeon eagerly replies, gaze unwaveringly on her face. “this is incredible.”

“you know me? or at least about me?” you ask, reeling. “sana…she’s told you about me?”

“of course she has! she talks about you all the time. she even mentioned that you were a psychology student, but i didn’t know that you studied at this university.”

your lips quick. “what a small world.”

“it definitely is. so tell me more about your degree. sana said that it had something to do with kids?”

“well, yeah. i’m studying child’s psychology with a cognitive-behavioral focus. doyoung’s helping me with my thesis right now actually.”

well, you might’ve just embarrassed yourself. doyoung already mentioned that to her.

“interesting, but cognitive-behavioral?” miyeon playfully raises her brows. “what are you doing attending the lecture of an exponential researcher?”

“i find it to broaden my avenues, besides being well-rounded.”

miyeon laughs, delighted. “that it does, my dear. sana said that you were bright in studies.”

your cheeks flush, the natural instinct to ask for what else, what else has she said, forming. that is, until doyoung says, “sorry. i’m a little lost. how do you know sana, y/n?”

speechless for a moment, you’re transported back to the soft golden lights and the shine of her oxford shoes, the taste of lemon drop martinis on your tongue. the four seasons and five hundred dollars in your purse, completely unexplainable much like sana is, because there are no words to describe her.

there are, however, words to describe you.

“y/n,” miyeon says, leaning forward to take your chin on her fingers, startling you. “is the greatest gift sana ever had the pleasure of finding.”

and all at once your excitement dashes into nothing, letting dread sink into you, curling around your body like a vice, tigeting around your neck. suddenly, miyeon’s enthusiasm takes a different meaning, another shape. it’s not friendly but sordid. not curious but propositional. maybe, it might’ve been, if sana ever offered to share.

it’s the thought that makes your heart crack open. just a few days ago, she was in your house, laying over you, kissing you with enough affection that you could drown in it. you thought—you’re not even entirely sure why anymore but you thought—it was real. it could’ve been real. the hope was there.

“wow,” doyoung says, laughing awkwardly, but the sound barely registers over the roaring din in your ear canals. “i didn’t know you had a girlfriend.”

she’s not my fucking girlfriend, you’re saying to yourself visioulxy, spiterully. with sorrow. sana’s not your fucking girlfirned and she never was. you were just her gift. a thing to fuck around with.

“i’m sorry,” you say, blinking fast, speaking through the lump in your throat. “i really have to go.”

“oh.” miyeon looks genuinely disappointed, but you can’t be sure. perhaps it’s because she was hoping you’d offer a more nicer regard than what just transpired now. you wonder about the stories sana’s told, if she’s shown miyeon your pictures. “well, it was nice meeting you. i hope we’ll see each other again.”

you nod once, a jerky motion, and a spin of the heel to race out of the auditorium. by the time you reach to the chill outdoors, you’re crying, hot tears streaming down your face, heartbreak nearly forcing you to the knees.

wiping them away roughly, shame makes you red-faced. once you tended to the other cheek, fingers tugging the scarf around your neck, it feels like a collar to a degree–and you’re choking on another sob.

a terrible tragedy it seems, to be owned.

—

avoiding contact, you’re fielding sana’s calls for the next week or so.

you can’t claim that you don’t mean to because you do. every text asking is everything okay? something wrong? gets a yes, of course. every text asking are you okay, are you mad at me? gets a no. no, of course not. why would i be?

how amusing that you have a chock-full of little excuse, but the end result still stands: you don’t want to talk to sana.

this also means that you're miserable.

the tried-and-true method of compartmentalizing your feelings ceases to work when your sorrow over sana bleeds into everything. you can’t focus enough to do your assignments, be mindful enough to smile at work, to write when doyoung says that you should. to eat, even, because it’s hard to stomach anything when you’re angry at her and it’s hard to exist and not speak to her. over the course of three months, sana’s embedded herself into every facet of your life. function without her now is like forgetting how to breathe.

you could say that you’re taking the misery right on the chin, pushing through it like the grown woman you’ve claimed to be, at least proficient enough to hid from everyone else not involved. tzuyu notices this, she notices everything, and she makes it her mission to know about everything.

which is why you’re not surprised when she randomly bursts into your room on a saturday night, phone still buzzing from when she tried to call you.

“get up!” tzuyu snaps, marching over to yank your covers off; you’re curling over the pillow. “come on, get up! you’ve been ignoring my calls for, like, a week and i’m sick and tired of your wallowing.”

voice muffled into the sheets. “‘m not wallowing.”

“yes, you are,” she says and throws open your blinds, exposing the stained brickwall on the other side. “irene told me you didn’t go to class with her this week, which i know means that you were holed up in here crying or something. which, i might add, you never informed me of, so not only are you sad but you’re keeping secrets from me. bad friend behavior, y/n.”

“it’s not bad friend behavior. i just didn’t feel like talking about it.”

“well if you’re not gonna talk about it, you’re gonna do something else.” you hear your closet doors open and perch your head up to see tzuyu rifling through your clothes. after a moment, she makes some pleased sound and toesses a white dress onto your boed, one that sana had bought you a few weeks ago. the memory is blanched just by looking.

“we’re going out tonight,” tzuyu announces. “i have shuhua waiting in the car and i made plans to meet up with irene and a few friends of mine at a club in manhattan. i’m not leaving till you get dressed.”

“i’m not going.”

“yes, you are.”

“no.”

“you are.”

“tzuyu,” you say, with a note of pleading. “i really don’t want to go.”

“and i don’t care! you’re going.”

“no,” you repeat firmly, drawing your knees up to cocoon yourself. “i don’t want to go. i don’t want to drink or go to manhattan—”

“does sana live in manhattan?

“i don’t want to talk about sana.”

“well, it seems like you don’t wanna do fucking anything!” tzuyu throws her hands up, lovely face twisted up with exasperation. she nudges the dress closer. “and like i said, i really don’t care. if you’re not gonna talk about your feelings then do something equally as unproductive and distract yourself from them instead of crying. you’re being ridiculous.”

“no, you are,” you retort acidically, and it seems as though your outrage needed an outlet, because you can’t stop yourself from spitting the vitriol that spills forth. “and you know what? you are ridiculous. in general, you are fucking ridiculous. you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth and you act like it. me signing up for that stupid app was your idea. me meeting sana was because of you. and sana—” calling me her gift, reducing me to something that’s owned, tainting the concept of belonging— “i-it’s your fault. everything is your fault. it’s your fucking fault!”

tzuyu’s face is unchanged, perfect and placid as it always is. finally, while you heave, restraining another fit of tears, tzuyu exhales deeply and tilts her head, expression softening. “are you good now?”

“no,” you mumble. “i’m angry.”

“good.” tzuyu sits down on the edge of your bed and tugs you close, resting your head on her shoulder. “be angry with me. just don’t hole yourself up in your room alone. you’ve done enough of that.”

you sag into tzuyu. “i’m sorry for yelling at you. what happened isn’t your fault.”

“it kind of is.”

“no, it isn't. maybe giving the idea was, but everything i did was because it was a choice i mad. even being hurt now is my fault. i always knew what i was to her.”

“so? it’s kind of difficult to have sex with anything for three months and not get attached to it. i get weepy when i have to throw away my vibrators.”

you snort, pushing tzuyu away. met with a smile of hers with your own, “are you ready to go out now or do i actually have to respect your wishes this time.”

debating, eyes flicking to the dress by your foot. you know how it looks on you, how the fabric shimmers under a certain light and the fit clings to your body. you know it’s effect on sana, even, how her eyes darkend when she first saw it on you, how she raced to get it off. the faded memory stings as the thought of sana always does now, like a sharpened blade, but tzuyu is right. it isn’t healthy to sustain this level of feeling for days on end. maybe it needs a change of pace.

“fine,” you say, looking at tzuyu. “help me get ready.”

tzuyu squeals before grabbing your face to let her kiss your cheek.

—

you and tzuyu greet shuhua by the car just half an hour later, who rolls down the window to wolf-whistle you as they approach. tzuyu opens her coat and grabs you by the hand to spin you around.

“you look hot!” shuhua says. “i’ll be surprised if you don’t go home with somebody tonight.”

cheeks flushing after the compliment. “oh, uh, i’m not really—”

“honey, don’t scandalize y/n so early in the evening,” tzuyu says, popping a kiss to her mouth as she gets in the car. “you know y/n doesn’t talk about ex–say in polite company.”

“since when am i polite company?”

“hi, shua,” you mumble, sliding into the backseat.

“hey, babe. are you excited?” shuhua turs around. both her and tzuyu stare at you expectantly from the front seats, making you feel strangely like a child on their first day of school.

“...yes…”

tzuyu sends shuhua a firm look. “start the car.”

it’s saturday night, the drive from queens to manhattan takes about forty minutes. you’re spending the majority of the ride staring out the window, willing yourself not to think of the familiar surroundings, of the shops along the street that have developed new meaning. luckily, before you can get lost in your budding melancholy, shuhua parks the car along the side of the street and unlocks the door. with a sigh, you step out.

there’s a long line leading into the club that tzuyu bypasses with ease, simply flashing her ID at the bouncer before he allows you three inside. the club is ritzy but stereotypical. brith, multicolored flashing lights threaten to blind you and the pumping music that makes your ears ring. hand in hand, tzuyu directs through the throng of gyrating bodies to a VIP lounge near the back, where you can see a round table filled with people.

irene notices you first, and she jumps out of her seat to rush toward you, bee-lining for you specifically, enveloping a hug that you gratefully sink into.

“you look so pretty!” irene yells when she steps back. “i was worried you wouldn’t come!”

“i did!”

“thank god! come say hi to everybody!”

following her to the table. irene slides back into the booth to nestle beneath the arm of a handsome black-haired man that you recognize immediately, much to your delight. “seulgi!”

she cracks a smile. “sup.”

“i didn’t know you’d be here.” or really, that their relationship had progressed so well. perhaps you might have if you kept in touch more proactively, which suddenly makes you feel like a very shitty friend.

“how are you?” you ask, sitting down next to the pair.

“i’m good. you?”

“i’m…well.”

“uh-oh.” seulgi pushes a drink towards you. “be grateful i can’t cut you off tonight then.”

not thinking of a reply, uncomfortable at having been perceived so clearly, you raise the straw to your lips.

“hey tzuyu! we’re here!”

the three of you look over to see three people ambling towards you, a shorter woman in front, two slightly taller behind her. up close, you can see that she has dark, long hair. she’s wearing a black leather jacket with a handbag to her side. when she catches your eye, she smiles.

tzuyu leaps up from her seat to hug the woman, extricating herself quickly to hug the other two women tagging behind. her voice is a squeal when she screams, “dahyun!”

gesturing to them to sit down next to her, and as they all scoot into the booth, dahyun’s attention flickers towards you, down to your dress.

“y/n! y/n, this is my friend dahyun! she has a brother that works on the same racing team as him!”

“hey.” dahyun says, leaning forward, extending her hand, and you shake it. when you pull away, she wraps her arm around the brunette beside her.

“this is minju,” dahyun says, and points to the blonde at the end of the booth. “and that’s somi.”

“it’s nice to meet you all,” you say.

“it’s great to meet you. you’re y/n, right?”

“yeah.”

“cool!” dahyun’s mouth curls, more a smirk than a smile. “tzuyu has told me all about you.”

“has she?”

“yep. she thinks you’ve hung the fucking moon or something. is it true you volunteered at a women’s shelter for fun?”

you blush at the question. “i wouldn’t say for fun. i just…got along with the kids there really well.”

“a saint is what you are, according to tzuyu.”

“oh, i wouldn’t—”

dahyun surprises you when she stands up and slides over chaeyoung and somi to sit next to you, smelling the rich perfume she put on. your fingers bunch up the dress when she throws her arm over the back of your seat.

“so,” dahyuns starts again, sinking into the vinyl seat, too comfortable. “what else do you do aside from rescuing cats from trees?”

“i’m not a firefighter. never done anything like that.”

“it was a joke, lovely.” your flush depends, and dahyun adds, “but i’m serious. what do you do?”

“i’m a waitress currently, but i’m working towards my bachelors in child’s psychology. masters after, but i’m sure you knew that already.”

“yep.”

“and you?” you ask, taking a sip of your drink, beer bottle sweating around your fingers. “tzuyu mentioned you work with your mom?”

“yeah, just a normal front-desk job. pretty nice until all of the calls get backed up.”

“yikes. sorry to hear that.”

dahyun’s mouth quirks, and you swallow a squeak when she reaches over to ruffle your hair, startled by her familiarity. she keeps her hand there.

“you’re sweet, you know that?”

your face is burning red hot, stomach churning. you can’t think of anything to say but get off. “um—”

“but fuck the job conversation,” dahyun says, leaning closer to you, eyes flashing with mischief. “you wanna get fucked up?”

—

to your better judgement—along with the credit, this is something that you don’t really do on a weekend basis—getting fucked up.

it takes a few beers and sojus to get loose enough to smile freely. you’ve lost the count from five shots onwards to keep you laughing, swimmy. dahyun leads you to the bar to take more shots together—your idea—that’s immediately chased down with lime juice, shoved into your mouth by dahyun’s fingers. the burst of citrus in your mouth.

there’s no food to sober up with, so you decide to get that stored energy on the dance floor, sweating profusely. you switch between the different groups—first spinning around in a mid circle with shuhua and tzuyu, then joining irene and seulgi as they move together. you’re being dragged in between, irene laughing against your neck, head being thrown back into seulgi’s shoulder, the light’s over-bright above you, a shimmering multicolor. you’re laughing, and laughing, and laughing, even when a flash of green against the ceiling makes you want to cry.

it’s so easy to stop thinking.

which is exactly the case when dahyun finds her way onto the dance floor, swaggering. selugi spins you towards her embrace and she catches you, hands securing the waist, fingers sliding down to your hips. her voice rumbles from her chest and into your ears when she speaks, mouth skimming the curve orf it. “you know, tzuyu really wanted me to meet you.”

you wrap your arms around her neck. “she did?”

“yeah, she did. said you needed to meet someone new.”

“oh. i didn’t know.” dahyun leads you into a dance, slipping their knee between your legs. something cold curdles up in the pit of your stomach, but the warmth of the alcohol makes it easy to ignore. have fun, you remind yourself.

“yeah, thank god she did,” dahyun says.

the music, booming club/house hit, robs most of your hearing, but when you sway your hips and she follows the motion of it, moving with you, you can hear the dark rumble of her groan, can feel it when dahyun says, “fuck, you’re so hot. you wanna get out of here?”

that cold pit in the base of your stomach explodes, icy panic flooding your insides. dahyun’s eyes widen with shock as you push her away from you, and when she tries to tug you close again, you bat her away, snapping, “no.”

you stumble to the end of the club, shoving on your coat as you rush out into the cold weather. you tremble more from the alarm than the chill when you pull out your phone and scroll through the contact list.

sana answers before the end of the first ring. “y/n?”

“i’m coming to your house,” you announce, waving widely as you try to flag down a taxi.

“is something wrong? your voice sounds weird. do you want me to pick you up?”

“i’m coming,” you repeat. “to your house. so tell your doorman to let me in.”

“baby, are you sure you don’t want me to pick you up?”

the pet name stings. as does your persistent loyalty to her. wouldn’t have been so freeing to make her hurt? “no.”

“y/n—”

“i’ll see you now.”

you hang up just as a taxi stops beside you. opening the door and climbing into the car, slurring out sana’s address. given that her apartment complex is close, the drive takes under fifteen minutes. you had to swipe your card at least three separate times for the payment to go through. you nearly trip when stepping out, knees shaking and coltish, but right yourself quickly to march into the building. the red-headed doorman gives you a sour look that you meet with a scowl. thankfully, though, he lets you in without a word.

the journey to sana’s apartment is a blur. recognizing the soft elevator music and the ding as it opens. your heels click against the marble floors when you stumble down the hall, hands aligning against the wall to keep your balance. when you find sana’s door, you knock on it hard, speaking into the peephole. “it’s y/n. let me in!”

door swung open instantly; sana must’ve been waiting for you. heart throbbing when you see her, brown hair around her shoulder, barefoot and not-entirely relaxed, but she herds you in before you can get emotional, following you to the living room.

“are you okay?” sana asks.

“no.” you throw your purse down and wrestle to get your coat off. sana steps forward to help you but you shake your head, scoffing at her injured look.

“you’re drunk,” sana observes with disapproval., “why are you drunk?”

“i went out with tzuyu.”

“are you okay?” sana asks again.

“no. i’m drunk.”

sana’s expression shifts, wavering between panic and concern. you wonder what she has to be worried about, if she carries the past week with her the way that you did. but of course not, you think bitterly. why would she care at all?

“do you need water?”

you don’t reply, still struggling to take your coat off, suddenly overheated. sana watches you, making a frustrated sound deep in her throat. she runs her hand through her hair. “i don’t know what you wnat me to do then, baby.”

“i want you to stop calling me baby.”

“what?”

you whirl around. “i want you to stop with the pet names. i want you to stop with the gifts. i want you to stop sending me money. i-i want you to stop—talking to me like you care about me. it’s cruel, sana.”

“y/n, what are you talking about? of course i fucking care about you.” sana’s eyes widening. “did you take any drugs?”

“no!” you yell. “and no, i didn’t take any drugs!”

“then what the fuck is your problem?”

“my problem,” you spit, narrowing your eyes, speaking through your teeth. “is that i don’t want to be your damn sugar baby anymore!”

“what?!”

“yeah! your sugar baby, sana. does it make you feel bad when i say it? because it makes me fel fucking worse.” your voice cracking, shaking your head. “and i take it anymore.”

sana grasps the side of her hair. “take what? take what anymore? what the fuck are you talking about?”

“this!” you gesture between you and sana. “i can’t— i can’t keep pretending that i’m okay with this. that you can go to my house, fuck me, and then venmo me some money after like it’s okay. like i’m your—at first i thought it would be fine. it hurt me, made me feel sick, but i thought….i guess i thought that things would change but they haven’t. they haven’t and it really fucking hurts.”

“y/n, sweetheart, my love—” you flinch—”i’m really gonna need you to start making sense before i lose my fucking mind.”

“what doesn’t make any sense to you? my feelings? did you really expect that you could get to fuck me fore three months and i wound’t feel anything? am i that much of a fucking doll to you?”

“wha—?”

“you know, tonight i met this girl that was really into me,” you say, and giddily watch sana freeze. “tzuyu introduced me to her. she thought we’d be good together. she wanted me.”

sana’s face goes flat, hands stalling in the air between them. your pulse skips at the sudden coldness that grips her, the way her eyes darken, like the brief seconds of peace that precede the explosion of a volcano.

“what?” she asks quietly. “what did you say?”

“but i didn’t want her!” you cry. a jolt of panic runs through you, as fierce as your heartbreak. “i didn’t! she said she wanted to sleep with me and i said no! because of you, sana! because i like you! i really, really, really like you and i have feelings for you, and—”

“are you saying you could have cheated on me!” sana yells. “did you just admit to my fucking face expect me to thank you?!”

“cheat on what? you’re not my girlfriend, you’re my sugar mommy! thats’ what this whole argument is about!”

“i’m not your damn sugar mommy! i told you from day-fucking-one that i hated that shit! i think it’s disgusting! i told you that! if it were up to me, park jihyo would be dead in the fucking ground!”

“oh.” stumbling back. the shock crashing over in waves, realization threatening to wash over you. “i–oh, fuck. god.”

because sana was right. she did tell you that, just twenty minutes into the first meeting. her giving money to you after the first date misled you, given the impression that this was something sordid, but sana never acted that way. not once. she only ever treated you like…

you cradle your face when sana paces in front of you, muscles tense with rage. her fists shake by her sides, knuckles white, and you have the sudden urge to throw yourself down at her feet and kiss them, to beg for her forgiveness.

“i’m sorry. sana, i’m so sorry.” you gaps. “i didn’t—i misinterpreted everything, and i—”

sana stops in place to look at you, blazing eyes rooting you to the ground. your breath twists in your lungs as the words melt on your tongue, leaving you with nothing. because you have nothing. there’s nothing to say.

and sana takes you in, the trembling and tears, you being desperate for forgiveness. she runs a hand over your face, sighing heavily. “you’re way too drunk to be having this conversation.”

“i’m not.” you’re not lying. if you were a tad bit less sober, the doubt would be hurting just as much.

“yes, you are.”

“sana, i won’t be able to sleep unless we talk this through.”

“i don’t give a shit. you’re going to bed.”

you whimper as she marches past you, stumbling after her to follow. she stops when you reach the bedroom and open the door for you to head inside. you do, slowly, like you expect to face some form of punishment or further scolding, but sana only walks to her drawers and fishes for a t-shirt, holding it out to you.

as you take it, she leaves the room, giving you privacy to change. you sniffle quietly as you shove your dress down and off around your feet, and slip the shirt on. just as you bend to take off your shoe, sana comes back into the room, carrying a glass of water. she watches you struggle for a beta before sighing and placing the glass down on her nightstand. you nearly weep when you watch sana kneeled down in front of you, her hands going to your ankles. “sana, i—”

“not now,” she says, looking up at you, eyes still hard and angry, but her fingers gentle, thumb tapping your bone, “we can talk about it tomorrow.”

when sana’s done, she steps back, lining upr your heels against the wall.

“get in bed,” sana orders

“sana, i-i can sleep on the couch,” you say weakly. “i really don’t need to take your bed. i’ve had enough trouble already. ‘

“i don’t care. get in.”

“really, it’s—”

“get. in.”

her tone leaves no room for debate, and you clamber up to slip beneath the covers. you stare up at sana, hoping she’ll offer to climb in next to you, but she pushes the water towards you, instead.

“drink.”

“i’m not thirsty.”

“it’s not for your thirst. it’s so you have enough wits about you in the morning. and, also, for right now. i’m not exactly trusting your judgment.”

sana drops three ibuprofen tablet into your palm. while she watches, you dutifully swallow each one, gilt hollowing out your stomach. you open your mouth to speak, but she nudges the glass up, silently demand you drink. she doesnt’ stop until you’ve downed the whole thing. once it’s empty, sana nods with satisfaction and steps back.

“we’ll talk in the morning. for now, please go to sleep.”

“sana.”

“go to sleep,” she repeats, an edge to her voice. “if i hear anything else, i—” she stops herself. roughly shakes her head. “i can’t guarantee what i’ll do next.”

you flinch when the door slams shut behind her, throwing yourself down onto sana’s pillow. a sob builds in your throat when her scent hits you in full force, and you inhale it greedily, chest stuttering as you curly around it, clinging to it like it can morph into her skin.

and sleep is also unkind. it’s only gracious enough to give you any reprieve when the sun peeks over the horizon. you fall into it fruitfully.

—

you’re awoken to a soft touch, a hand gently shaking your shoulder. “y/n. y/n, get up.”

sana’s voice registers, at first distant and tinny, then overwhelming, a sharp spiek into your barin. you jolt up, nearly headbutting her as you scramble to face her. sana moves to sit on a chair she’s pulled up the side of her bed. she looks at you calmly, her hands folded over her knees, foot bouncing, because she can never be fully at ease. her body doesn’t let her.

“good morning.”

everything that you’ve been feeling the night before suddenly rises to the surface again in an overwhelming rush. you can’t even think to compose yourself. your head and heart aches too much to try.

“i’m sorry!” i cry. “i’m sorry, i’m so sorry. i didn’t— i honestly thought—i don’t know why—no, i do know why but—i didn’t think i was cheating on you. i thought you were my s-sugar mommy and i thought our relationship was transactional. it’s why i was so nervous when you met mina because i thought she’d find out. i had no idea—”

you huff, words croaking out into a sob, and sana moves her chair to the edge of her bed to cup your face. you lean into it, tears smearing against her skin.

“i’m not going to say that i’m not angry, because i am. or that i’m not confused, because i really am. but i think i’m starting to understand where the confusion is.”

“i’m sorry.”

“is it because i gave you money?” sana asks, ignoring it.

you nod. “yes.”

“even after i told you that i thought that shit was gross?”

“it wasn’t then,” you say. “i didn’t go out with you with dual inteitinons. i thought it was a date.”

“which it was.”

“i realize that now.”

“so, it was after? when i sent you—”

“a thousand dollars, sana,” you breathe—still, even now, in disbelief. “which, you have to admit, is a little ridiculous to send someone you met when they were first trying out to be someone’s sugar baby.”

“that’s why i sent it. i knew you needed it. i though you’d understand.”

“i didn’t. and even if i did, can’t you admit that’s strange? or at the very least, kind of offensive?”

“no.” sana slides her hand down, thumb tapping your chin like she did when she first kissed you. “id’ be strange if it was for anyone but you.”

a rosy flush stains your cheeks, spreading high. “i don’t know what that means.”

“i think you do.” she slips her hand away and leans back. her face hardens when she says, “no about that girl—”

“we never kissed!” you say desperately. “we never kissed. she never touched me, not really. we just danced. i only said that because i wanted to provoke you.”

“you nearly did. i swear to god, y/n. i wanted to do something about that.”

you grab sana’s hand and lift it between you two. “i’m sorry. i was being spiteful.”

“it’s fine. i’m not angry with you.”

“you’re not?”

“no. but if kim dahyun—”

“how do you know her name?”

“she texted you. i blocked her number—ever ends up horribly injdured and is brought to me as a patient, i’m passing the cart to the next surgeon.”

“you’re not funny.”

“who said i was joking?”

“sana.”

before you can scold her, sana wraps an arm around you and secrues you to her, heart pouding a slow righym against your ear. you feel her chin drop onto your crown, her hand sliding up your back.

“i love you, y/n,” sana says. her hold tightens when you freeze, but she continues, undeterred. “i love you and it only took me about a week to realize it.”

tears crowd your eyes in earnest. sana’s name comes out as a gasp, but she pulls you back to cup your face, thumbs stroking your cheeks. “i love you. this has never been transactional for me. not once.”

“i—”

“you got something to say to that?”

“sana.” she stops to watch you, eyes going soft as you start to weep. she presses her lips to your forehead, then shifts so that your face falls into her neck. you cling to sana, mouth moving against the skin of her. “...’ove you.”

“what?”

“i said i love you.”

“i know. i just wanted to hear you say it again.”

sana laughs when you pinch her side, and you two settle into a comfortable silence s you sid and hold each other, sinking into bliss. that is until sana says, “does this mean you’re cool with getting married? you know, eventually?”

“what?”

“i told you i wanted to marry you and you said you loved me. that wasn’t a no.”

“you didn’t propose.”

“i thought i was implied.”

“an implication is not a proposal, sana. that’s been our whole issue.” you say as sana frowns. “and i don’t wanna think about getting married until sometime later.”

“so what do you want to do in the meantime, wander around like two hopeless romantics that we are?”

“well—” you rise up to your knees, words purposefully slow as you push sana to the bed and climb over her. her hands find your waist, sliding up. you kiss the grin from her lips.

“just stay close to me. that’s all i ask.”

#hyunie #twice imagines #twice x reader #kpop x reader #sana x reader #twice sana #sana #minatozaki sana #minatozaki sana x reader #sana imagines #twice fluff #twice angst #sana angst #sana fluff #twice x you

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queermania · 5 months

Note

I don't want to start drama and I don't expect you to respond to this but I think you deserve to know what's being said about you. tumblr. com/transfagbenny/738678589192552448/and-id-appreciate-if-we-stopped-using-the-terms

i actually am going to address this because this person has been lying about what's been going on for months and they've apparently been harassing other people for months if not years, so. it's time to put an end to this.

before i start though i want to make it abundantly clear that if you take this as an opportunity to do anything other than block this person, then you are trash. do not send him messages. do not tag him in things. do not harass him in any way. leave him alone. if you need to block, do so and then move on. hate mail and harassment is disgusting behavior and i don't want to be surrounded by anybody who engages in it. and if you do it on my behalf, i think you are worthless and i want nothing to do with you.

so, this is what happened: back in february of 2023, an anon asked me if i had any opinions that would get me canceled with the dean girlies. i replied, "oh now we’re talking!! hmmmm let’s see. i don’t care about benny at all. deanbenny does nothing for me. deanbenny is dust. it is dust. drowley rights forever" and i did not tag it because i'm not an asshole. bear then sent me a message that at the time i thought was funny/cute because his url reflected that he was obviously a huge benny fan. we had a very cordial exchange. everything was good. we chatted a little bit about how neat it would've been if benny had been played by a black actor and how the racism problem with gordon would've been fixed if gordon had been played by a white actor. not all of our conversation is visible anymore (and i also don't think all of it was on this post anyway) because i've since blocked him so his replies no longer show up on my posts. the point is: everything was fine. it was a good tumblr exchange. he continued to follow me. i did not follow him then or at any point.

the problem is that he kept coming onto my posts and into my inbox to try to make things about benny. that is not okay. i had already said that benny was a character (and deanbenny a ship) that i was not interested in. to me, this is an obvious boundary i've established that he repeatedly crossed. it's not an egregious violation, obviously. more than anything it's annoying. what he should've done, if benny was that important to him, was unfollow me and move on. but he didn't and i indulged him for awhile but at a certain point i thought, "okay maybe if i stop indulging him, he'll take the hint." so i stopped responding. he did not take the hint. he got worse and he even started commenting on things that he couldn't make about benny, just to willfully misinterpret things i said and taking them completely out of context. unfortunately, i don't have receipts for any of this because at the time i didn't know it was going to become an actual problem (however I have since learned that this is an established pattern of behavior he engages in, so you can probably find examples on other people's blogs).

it got so annoying, though, that i very carefully broached the subject in a private server with people i trusted. without naming any names or using any incriminating language (i.e. not specifically referencing benny), i basically said that there was someone being annoying about a specific character on my posts and i wasn't sure what to do about it. immediately, a handful of people replied with some variation of "the benny stan? he's been doing that to me too." i do have receipts of this (and an entire server to back me up) but i hope you can all understand why i'm not going to provide those or name names (or ask anyone to get involved publicly). the point is, it became apparent that i wasn't the only one and this was a pattern of behavior. i also learned during that conversation that bear has a history of harassing people and calling someone racist or a transphobe if they block him.

at that point, i decided not to rock the boat. i would just continue to ignore him and maybe he would get bored and move on. well that obviously didn't happen. he kept doing it and as a fun added bonus, he started to make vague posts about me. the thing is i don't actually care if he vagueblogs about me. it's his blog. he can do whatever he wants. it's none of my business. i mean i personally think he should've just unfollowed but, again, his blog, his choice. it is annoying that every single time he would do it, someone would send me a link or a screenshot of him doing it, but that's not really his fault. so, again, i just ignored it.

this is where we get to the incident in question. after a private discussion among a small group of friends, i posted this obviously joke poll at the insistence of @letterstothedevil, a tumblr user who has given me permission to include her in this.

the original message about the poll:

the permission:

now EYE think it's abundantly clear that the poll was a joke amongst friends, but maybe it wasn't, and i'm not going to fault anyone for not magically knowing that. i am, however, totally willing to fault someone for being a gigantic asshole. bear commented on the post and i, admittedly, gave a somewhat dismissive response because at that point i was so tired of him being willfully obtuse and twisting every little thing i said that i just didn't want to bother. he then went and made a series of not-at-all-vague posts calling me racist and claiming that i simply do not care about the racism in the show and it's obvious because i've never ever discussed it on my blog (which is a hilarious lie given that i'd specifically discussed it on my blog with him). at that point, there was no reason not to block him. he was already doing the thing that i didn't want to deal with. so i did. and i thought that would be the end of it.

again, i was wrong.

i then started to get anon messages daily about benny and deanbenny and how i'm racist for not liking benny, etc. this was harassment that EYE was on the receiving end of. nobody else was a victim of the messages i was being sent. they were sent to me and it is not my job to make sure other people are protected from the harassment that i am experiencing. i'm pointing this out for two reasons: 1. because i did try to protect bear from it for awhile anyway. i knew that people would assume it was him and at the time i was still giving him the benefit of the doubt, if for no other reason than the fact that i didn't think he could send me messages since i blocked him. and 2. because when i did finally start to respond to some of the messages, bear acted like he was somehow the victim in all of this (and continues to act that way to this day).

i don't know if bear had (or currently has) anything to do with any of the messages i get (which, thankfully, have slowed considerably). what i do know is that at no point during any of this happening did he stop looking at my blog and vagueblogging about me.

when i finally did answer a few of the messages, bear had a bit of a meltdown about it. i know this because he used a separate account that i hadn't know existed to message me and because he talked to one of my friends about it. (i'm not going to name that person but if they want to get involved publicly of their own accord, that's up to them lol). i'm also not going to share screenshots of what bear said to me because he explicitly asked me not to (it's also the reason i'm not sharing screenshots of the numerous receipts i have of the things he's said and lied about on his blog but, unless he's deleted any of them, you can go and find the posts yourselves.) what i am going to share is that in the message he sent to me, he flat out lied about his behavior. he told me he hadn't been vague-blogging about me, that he would never ever do that about anyone, and that he would certainly never harass someone (all things that i have receipts of him doing).

it took me awhile to respond to this message because i was still trying to be gracious about the whole situation. i recognize that he is much younger than i am and i think it's important for me, as a full blown adult, to take that into account. i had a private discussion with a few trusted friends about how to handle this because it was important to me to not let him off the hook for his behavior and for lying just because he's young. this is what i ended up saying:

his response was to double-down on his lies (while, hilariously, vague-blogging about me and the whole thing) and then go into victim mode about something so completely unrelated and far-fetched that i decided i simply wanted nothing to do with him ever. (this is when he asked me not to share screenshots, so i won't, but this is me saying that i have ALL of the receipts, bear, so if you continue to lie, you will not like what happens.) i blocked his alternate account and tried to ignore him.

the harassment continued. again, i have no idea if he was actually part of it. the vagueblogging continued. he started to do it to other people he associated with me. many of them blocked him because of his behavior. i continued to answer some of the hate i received, continued to ignore and/or block most of it. it got so bad that i was sent seizure bait on more than one occasion, one time bad enough that i actually ended up going to the ER. there are receipts of all of this, too. you can see on my blog the messages i've been sent. i think at one point i even shared a snapshot of what my inbox looked like. i've shared privately with friends (who can confirm if they want to, but no pressure) screenshots of the kinds of messages i get that i don't respond to. the point is, that for a period of months, i was relentlessly harassed. and at no point during this time did i say anything to or about bear (or anyone else). the most i've done is respond to messages that have been sent to me. i've largely sat quietly while this thing happened to me and bear continued to make posts about me and act like he is somehow a victim in this. he's assumed things about me and my identity. he's violated boundaries i've set. he will not let this go. and i'm not the only one he's doing it to.

i'm so fucking tired of it. leave me alone. leave my blog alone. leave my friends alone. leave any and all of the people who have blocked you for your own inappropriate and obnoxious behavior alone. that's it. that's the end. none of this would be happening if you would just respect other people's boundaries. i don't want you on my blog. i do not want to interact with you. i don't want anything to do with you. that's it. the end.

#replies #anonymous #wank for ts

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in1-nutshell · 4 months

Note

Can you do one where mtmte bot buddy is perceptor easily scared younger sibling that has a crush on rodimus? Thanks for the help with how to inbox my request.

I've been noticing a trend with request for Rodimus lately. Our Co-Captain is getting some loving hours.

Hope you enjoy!

Perceptor's younger sibling who is scared easily with a crush on Rodimus

SFW, Romantic, Platonic, Familial, Cybertronian reader

MTMTE

Buddy had always been a jumpy bot.

Whether it be in the heat of the moment or in times of peace, something always had Buddy on edge about something.

“YYEEEP!”--Buddy

“What was it this time?”--Perceptor

“I thought I felt something on my pedes.”--Buddy

“Hmm.”--Perceptor

“Don’t ‘hmm’ me! I’m telling you I felt something on my pede and now its not there!”--Buddy

“Careful, you’re starting to sound like Red Alert.”--Perceptor

“Hey leave Red out of this!”—Buddy

“Yeah leave—”—Red Alert

“AHH!”--Buddy

“AHH!”—Red Alert

That being said, Perceptor is protective of his younger sibling.

He loves them, scaredy bot, and all.

He does try and help Buddy in his own ways by trying to rationalize everything, which helps them a bit, but too much.

Is willing to put a bot in their place if they try to make fun of Buddy for their jumpiness.

Primus forbid that someone does scare them with malicious intent.

He wasn’t a Wrecker for nothing.

Buddy had tried going to Ratchet or any other doctor or nurse to see if it was a medical problem.

“I don’t see anything bout of the ordinary here kid.”--Ratchet

“Nothing?”--Buddy

“Perfectly normal frame inside and outside. I think you just get jumpy too often. You can always go see Rung if it gets any worse.”--Ratchet

“Thank—”--Buddy

Whirl barging into the medbay.

“HAS ANYONE SEEN CYCLONUS OR PANIC BUTTON?”--Whirl

“Whirl! Please, you’re—”—Ratchet

THUNK!

Buddy passing out on the med slab with their spark beat going wild.

“Ohhh… Jumpy’s here.”--Whirl

“Yes…”--Ratchet

In the lab.

Perceptor looking up from his work.

“Is your Buddy sense tingling?”--Brianstorm

“Stop calling it that.”--Perceptor

“But it is!”--Brainstorm

“Brainstorm.”--Perceptor

“Perceptor.”--Brainstorm

Brainstorm saw this problem as a challenge and had asked Buddy if they were willing to be tested to see if he could solve the problem.

Buddy had never been raced out of the lab faster than at that moment.

“Brainstorm?”--Buddy

“Yes?”--Brainstorm

“Is this safe?”--Buddy

Buddy sitting on the lab table with several jumper cables clipped into their frame with a series of wires on their helm.

“Oh Buddy! Of course, it is relatively safe, in theory.”--Brainstorm

“In theory?”--Buddy

“Yes. Everything comes from a theory. Now whether this is a good theory is what we are about to answer now!”--Brainstorm

“Does Percy know?”--Buddy

“What he don’t, know wont hurt Buddy. Now let’s flip this—”--Brainstorm

“BRAINSTORM!”--Perceptor

“He sounds mad! What did you do!?”--Buddy

“Nothing!”--Brainstorm

“Brainstorm.”--Buddy

“Buddy.”--Brainstorm

“…”--Buddy

“… I may have locked him in the closet before I grabbed you from Swerve’s…”--Brainstorm

“…You know, for one of the smartest bots on the ship, you sure can make a dumb decision.”--Buddy

“What--”--Brainstorm

BANG!

Perceptor kicking down the lab doors with his snipper rifle in his servos.

“AAHHHHH!”—Brainstorm and Buddy

No mercy from Percy.

Their friend group had gotten used to Buddy’s jump scares after the first few times.

Sometimes they were the cause of it.

Buddy would always laugh it up in the end.

They would never take it too far so it was all fun and games.

But there was one thing on board that made their spark run faster than the scares.

Rodimus Prime.

The captain was going to be the death of them, they were sure of it.

The two got along great, which wasn’t the problem.

The problem was that Buddy liked the reckless captain.

“Has anyone seen Rodimus? He should have been here by now.”--Buddy

“Nope.”--Chromedome

“No.”--Rewind

“Haven’t seen you’re Conjux since this morning.”--Brainstorm

“Conjux?! Brainstorm!”--Buddy

“Don’t lie to me Buddy I’ve seen how you two look at each other. Everyone on the ship practically knows about it.”--Brainstorm

“Oh don’t tease them Brainstorm.”--Chromedome

“thank you—”--Buddy

“Its not their fault that they are both oblivious to each others feelings.”--Rewind

“You too Rewind?”--Buddy

“I’m getting sick and tired of watch you two pine over each other.”--Rewind

“Who’s pining?”--Rodimus

“GAH! Roddy, don’t do that!”--Buddy

“Hahaha! You know you can’t be mad at me.”--Rodimus

“…One of these days I’m going to get a spark attack because of you.”--Buddy

With their friendship the amount of reckless stunts had gone down.

Something Ultra Magnus was grateful for.

Buddy the ever worry wart always tried to talk their captain from doing many reckless activities.

Most times they would work, but that would usually mean that he would try to do another activity that was less of a threat without Buddy looking.

Rodimus trying to get off the ship to go meteor surfing.

“Rodimus!”--Buddy

“Shh! Megs will hear you!”--Rodimus

“And? You are in no condition to go meteor surfing! You just got out of the medbay from last expedition.”--Buddy

“And I’m fine!”--Rodimus

“Please…”--Buddy

“…Fine. But you have to help me with some of the reports.”--Rodimus

“Deal.”--Buddy

“After I go and flip over the captains chair!”--Rodimus

Rodimus jumping and failing to do a flip landing on his faceplate.

“Roddy!”--Buddy

“Hmmm?”--Rodimus

“Hang on I’m bringing you to Ratchet.”--Buddy

“Nooo… I don’t wanna.”--Rodimus

Buddy throwing him over their shoulder like a sack of potatotes.

“Too bad Captain.”--Buddy

Key word try.

Buddy watched him sometimes like a hawk.

The other times that Buddy wouldn’t be able to talk him out of the activity ended up with Buddy joining.

Those time Rodimus would smile that smile of his that could literally light up a room.

“How did I end up here?”--Buddy

“What do you mean?”--Rodimus

“Here!”--Buddy

Buddy latched on a cord dangling from the ceiling by their chassis.

Rodimus on the ground with his arms wide open.

“I must have my circuits fired to even say yes to this!”--Buddy

“Nope, I just asked, and you said ‘yes’.”--Rodimus

“I know!”--Buddy

“Relax Buddy its just a trust fall!”--Rodimus

“Yeah! But I didn’t think it was going to be from this height!”--Buddy

“It’ll be okay! Just let go!”--Rodimus

“Let go?!”--Buddy

“Trust me Buddy! You’ll be all right! Just trust me!”--Rodimus

Buddy saying one more pray to Primus before detaching from the chord, screaming on the way down.

Rodimus catching them nearly falling on the floor too.

“See! I gotcha—Buddy?”--Rodimus

Buddy passing out.

Perceptor knew about Buddy’s little crush on the Captain.

While he would have wish it be on another crew member, he supposed that Rodimus wasn’t the worst of them all.

After talking it over with Drift, Perceptor decided that it would be a good idea to actually talk to Buddy about it.

“Percy?”--Buddy

“Buddy.”--Perceptor

“What’s going on? We don’t usually have private talks like these. Wait! Did something bad happen to you?”--Buddy

“No, no, I asked you to meet me here to talk.”--Perceptor

“To… talk?”--Buddy

“Yes.”--Perceptor

“Okay, I’ll bite what did you want to talk to me about?”--Buddy

“Its about Rodimus.”--Perceptor

“What about him? Did some—”--Buddy

“Nothing happened to him…yet.”--Perceptor

“What?”--Buddy

“I noticed you and the Captain have been spending more and more time with each other. And if my theory proves me correst, you like him.”--Perceptor

“Umm… where did you—I mean, me and Roddy—I mean—”--Buddy

“Its okay.”--Perceptor

“What?”--Buddy

“I’m fine with you dating Rodimus.”--Perceptor

“Really! But doesn’t he annoy you? Especcially two days ago when he said ‘science is magic’. You nearly grabbed your riffle and made him into Swiss cheese.”--Buddy

“… Yes. I have taken that into account, but you are mainly going to be spending time with him. He wont be my Conjux, he’ll be yours.”--Perceptor

“Conjux!”--Buddy

“That was a joke.”--Perceptor

“It didn’t sound like it!”--Buddy

“How do you intend on telling him?”--Perceptor

“You’re just filled with questions aren’t you?”--Buddy

“I’m a scientist Buddy.”--Perceptor

“Yeah, but its not that simple Percy.”--Buddy

“How so?”--Perceptor

“I can’t just go up to him and say ‘Hey Roddy, I like you a lot. You want to go out with me? We can go to Swerve’s for our first date. We can drink, dance, and watch movies all night long’.”--Buddy

“What?”--Rodimus

“Don’t sound like that Percy—”--Buddy

“That wasn’t me.”--Perceptor

“Then who—”--Buddy

Rodimus standing in front of the door way.

Buddy’s fans kicking in before passing out.

“How long where you there?”--Perceptor

“Long enough to know Buddy already beat me to the chase and already had a date night planned.”--Rodimus

“…If you ever think or try to hurt them in anyway, I know how to shoot in between your seams and make you go through the worse pain imaginable before any medic comes to help you. Do I make myself clear?”--Perceptor

“Clear. And the thought of hurting them is the last thing I would want to do.”--Rodimus

“Good.”--Perceptor

“Yeah.”--Rodimus

“…”--Perceptor

“…”--Rodimus

“We should probably get Buddy to Ratchet.”--Rodimus

“Agreed.”--Perceptor

#transformers #transformers x reader #maccadam #bot buddy #idw mtmte #mtmte x reader #mtmte perceptor #mtmte rodimus #mtmte rodimus x reader #mtmte perceptor x sibling

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quacktities · 4 months

Text

I feel like the appeal of C! Quackbur (to me at least) is just how versatile it is as a ship and the range it has.

You want a subtle rivals to lovers, mutual pinning and longing but one of them is repressing his own feelings because he hates himself too much to let someone get attached to him ship dynamic with a political backdrop? You want longing gazes, knowing looks and the unspoken truth that, maybe, just maybe this relationship and understanding between them goes deeper than either of them let on or want to admit? BOOM. Lmanburg election arc Quackbur!

You want all of that but with more tension, high stakes, mental illness, a very "forbidden romance" vibe with an enemies that have been in love with eachother for a long time but can now finally be on the same side and possibly act on their feelings dynamic (but theyre doomed by the narrative so it was never going to work out. Or maybe it will, who knows. Maybe this time they find solace in eachother. Maybe this time Quackity stops him before its too late. Maybe this time it doesnt end in flames. Who knows. Its up to you really, if you keep telling the story over and over again, maybe this time they get their happy ending here and it doesnt have to be a tragedy. Your choice really). Pogtopia era C! Quackbur!

You want fucked up grief and angst and reminiscing on the past and being haunted by what could have been? You want seeing the spectre of your dead friend (if he was truly your old enemy, why does he feel like a past lover to you) and wondering if maybe he remembers everything you both went through the same way you do and if maybe his heart aches when he sees you the same way yours aches when you see him but you know he isn't the same and you'll never see the old verison of him ever again... but hes here... as a ghost.. and that has to be worth something right. (Is it a miracle you can still see him or are you forever being tormented by what you can never have?). BOOM, Butcher arc C! Quackity and Ghostbur (or Aftermath C! Quackbur as I call them)

You want all of that, but hey. What if we brought back the guy. What if it didn't have to end in death? What if they could reunite and speak again after everything? Would they even get along? You want the culmination of years of pinning, grief, hurt, and mutual obsession? Do they truly love each other, or have they fallen in love with the idealised verisons of each other they have in their own heads? Maybe this time, they'll actually get their shit together and talk. There really isn't anything stopping them now, other than themselves and each other. Maybe C! Quackity finally finds someone who respects him, is dedicated to him, and can engage with him on the same intellectual level in C! Wilbur. Maybe C! Wilbur finally finds someone who makes him feel human and can challenge him and his more self-destructive behaviours while still loving him in C! Quackity. Maybe this time, they get to understand each other, and they get to heal. Maybe this time, it's not too late, and sure, they dont have the healthiest relationship, but they're working on it, and they're okay for once. Just this once. Maybe. Or maybe you don't want that. Maybe it is too late for them. Maybe they'll never have what they once had, and they're both left with bitter hatred and longing for the past that grows weaker by the day as the rose tinted filter starts to fade. Maybe they make each other worse. Maybe the closest they ever get to being close to each other is by hurting each other. Maybe the only times they hold hands are when they're catching each other's bloody fists. Maybe they're both too far gone now. Maybe they've hurt each other too much to ever be vulnerable with each other. Maybe it's just too late for them. Maybe it was never meant to be. You want a joker card ship dynamic that can either end in healing and a happy ending or in an even more fucked up tragedy? Or both! Why not. BOOM. Post revival C! Quackbur

#i love them both and their unique history so much. i wish more people talked about the 'aftermath“ era and the lmanburg era #c! quackbur #c! Wilbur soot #c! Quackity #tnt duo #tntduo #dream smp #dsmp #mcyt #dsmp meta #??? maybe??#analysis (???) kinda??#i say a thing #can you tell im not normal #this ship genuinely changed my life

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t8oo · 2 months

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By all accounts the lupin fandom has always prided itself as a drama free ship war free open to polyamory and wildly different headcanons fandom. And I can name a few people that have worked hard to keep this place very friendly. And I really started in this fandom in a friendly place. I even managed to make friends that Liked Luzeni maybe even just as much as me. I was ecstasic. I really loved those people so much, I talked to them daily. Some of them I respected so much for their craft. Great.

Id always been upfront and very clear that they were befriending someone who was fucked in the head. And i dont mean seasonal depression type I mean Bipolar and Bpd and all the symptoms it entails. Im not even going to mention the upbringing and the life ive had. All of it was a complete and violently abusive catastrophy.

Last year I exhibited symptoms that were intense. TOXIC. It didnt mean that I was toxic to my friend, because I was rational enough to know about boundaries. I was at the end of my rope. For undisclosed reasons I had to be interned. Great. During the ultimate time that lead me to become crazy, not a single person i thought was my friend gave me a hand. I received a message from one friend while I was litteraly perched on the windowsill about to jump telling me about their life. Not asking abt me. I sent some Hey thats cool but im about to kill myself and they didnt reply. Days after I was interned they told me that my message triggered them so they had to have an emergency meeting with their psychiatrist. Cool. Nothing abt me still. Sorry ? Fallout 1

During yhat whole shitstorm and despite everything a friend became my like. favorite person in bpd terms. Just really fucking embarassing shit really. I tried to prevent it, i tried to pull out not to make it worse, which not only was making it worse but was making it toxic. I aparently blew out, which of course my memory conveniently forgot. I said something ahout their partner. They never explained what. Again, after internment I apologized. They told me they needed time. They bsolutely deserved it. I was probably horrible to warrant that reaction. I might even have been toxic. Again, I do not remember what I even said. Im not a demonic entity it couldnt have been like I desacrated them and insulted them beyond repair. Even in my anger I have always been limited. But all i can do is speculate. They never explained, just took my apology. And then They never came back. That friend I liked so much that despite everything I did to control myself became a person i liked beyond wat was normal. We have had so much fun. Not enough to mend bridges or explained anything. Fallout 2

During that blow out one friend meddled, asking that other friend for information ? I asked to pass along a message to friend B. which friend A refused. Like it was not their business, even tho they were clearly invested in the business enough to talk to both of us about it lol. No problem. 4 days ago thou i confronted a group of friends that were friends As friend, for kicking them out of an rp group for no reason, even bordering on racism. My friend feels hurt about that event, has always hinted at it. it even stopped them from rping, something they did for 12 years. They had no closure and so I tried to bring it to them. Asshole move or empathic ? Thinking back i may have been taking the situation personnaly because i was already on my way out menrally. I dont know. All i know is that four days later, after i talked for hours to that group and the reason why they treated my friend so poorly that they still had scars over it, i was experiencing a mental crisis and that friend refused a request. Great. Fallout 3

The last friend litteraly stood by and said nothing. Not before the fallout and not after. I dont even know'if that counts as a fallout. This girl was so cute, so fun, so talented, so FUNNY. And when it came to a heed she said nothing. No side taking. Neutrality. Okay

At this point I no longer had anyone to talk to I think. I was documenting my attempt and the horrible conditions of the psych ward on twitter for everyone of my "friends" to see. One i particularly loved so much because they genuinely were on the same level of insanity related to luzeni made a tweet about the late hystix, a person i did not know but a lot of the lupin fandom did. A beautiful soul that was always supportive and kind. Everyone was mourning her. It was truly heartbreaking. I hope she is in peace. Our attempts matched in timing, it was actually mindblowing. Mine just fucking failed because of nosy neighbors. I feel so close to her in spirit still. That we both struggled so much that we came to the conclusion that nothing could save us. She did not have the nosy neighbors. That friend mourned her publicly.. on twitter. Ok. Logical, its a depressing, horrible and sad situation all around. All we can do is mourn. Still, it was a friend I was genuinely close to. That never showed the empathy they did to me. Hey dude so im kind of facing the exact same issues but you never reached out ? While my torment was there and documented on twitter because again. I did not fucking know wat was going on. I was in a strict mental ward under a lot of dosage from nurses who refused to give me insulin even thou i was type 1. Friend said that they tweeted at me. No mention of the years and years of discussions we had on discord and me checking up on them everytime they pulled out for severe family matters and i was genuinely concerned. Nope they aparently tweeted something at me. Okay. Thank you for the concern. Your investment really shows. Fallout 4

after that I stopped friends all together. The fact that friends I was talking nigh on everyday to each revealed their lack of concern for me during an extreme mental health crisis was abyssmal to say the least.

Fallout 5 came with Sheen. I was managing a charity zine for Palestine, and the lack of investment from so many artists brought me to the edge. I took it out on Sheen in the softest way possible. I told them I was disapointed in their piece and that it looked low effory. Sheen, a person I had knwon for the entirety of my investment in the lupin fandom, decided that an offense was enough to block me and never speak again. Once again i was on the verge of yet another blow out. And it happened. Lol. Its just so funny in retrospect that everytime I start acting weird alluding to a breakdown people shun me out despite, you know. me being clear abt my medical record. I realized that I was rude to Sheen and it was uncalled for. Apologized publicly not in the attempt that Sheen sees it but just so that everyone knows that if they hear abt the story, at least they know its all been my fault. Online friendships are so cool because it just takes the block button to burn bridges without coming back. With no chance of mending or at least a genuine apology. so Fallout 5

Is there a reason that all of these issues happened within one fandom ? I do think so. Unless i am incredibly unlucky. Or an abusive piece of shit unbeknownst to me. I think that the lupin fandom is surface level niceties. If they dont like you you will know. It will be passive but you will be muted and eventually just ostracized. You will not be invited in fandom events, or group discussions. It did not help that my mental health was constantly deteriorating and I started developping a persecution complex, thinking that people were making secret discords where they were telling others to avoid me or something. Ive endured all of this for one thing. One Humiliating thing : i love luzeni. I love it so much I want a tatto of it. I love it so much that after years before sleep I pick a random fic and then imagine their discussions. I love their dynamic so much. I love their romance I love how fucking inhinged they are i love that they hurt and love each other the same, i love that they cant live without the other, that they genuinely complete each other in a really ugly but complete patchwork of mental illness and really elaborate kinks.

I gave up thou. Another depression, I blew out, attempted again with the window, got caught and sent to the hospital. It pulled me back from the fandom. I realized i was allocating so much of my thoughts to it and how I could be better perceived, how I could make friends again to talk about the fictional thing i loved the most in the world. And I realized that in giving up and keeping to myself, that I could be more stable. That the damage was done and I cant really enjoy this fandom anymore, but Im still attached to the hip to luzeni and so in the words of a really brilliant man... Nah... Ill do my own thing.

U might be wondering why the hell is this bitch airing their laundry publicly. Its therapeutic. You dont have to read or care. If those friends see it, and make a comment of their own about how the events did NOT happen like I told, I would love to hear how they perceived it. I do not give my friendship freely and easily and these people have done profound damage to my abilty to trust. And most of all, I never had any closure. I kept rethinking, blaming them, then myself, then miscommunication, then them and then myself again. To this day I dont know why all of this happend. Did I act like an unfathomable monster, or did my friend simply not give a shit enough to help me through this. I dont fucking know and I cant deny either options. Maybe I am talking through a completely selfish wrapped sens of perception that is not to be trusted. I wouldnt be surprised. I have a very hard time relying on my own brain lately. My health is deteriorating very fast, and shit is getting worse.

The second reason is that I am going to be interned for psychiatric issues for the next 3 months. For the first time in my life I think Ill finally get all the professional support i need, available and close. Im not going to be investing any time in the fandom, if simply talking to the psychiatrist abt this catastrophic strings of fallouts. I might be posting some luzenis, but frankly i doubt it. I only make fanart when I am happy, or sad enough but still capable. Im neither right now. You are not entitled to any of these informations, but I just wanted to write them out of my mind because I have a LOT of baggage to go on through and this is an extra bag I dont need so im throwing it out.

You cannot gauge an entire fandom from your perspective, the same way you cannot gauge an entire userbase. No, tiktokers are not the worst people in humanity. Neither are reddit users. Being on tumblr is cool, but it doesnt make u better than being on twitter. And so this is only my opinion of the lupin fandom. I met some amazing persons that i wish the best for, for ever and ever, but in all the niceties and welcoming you might see, I dont think that extends to a person with mental illnesses that are villified, or out of their control. I can fairly say that my experience was disapointing, and I dont intend to rekindle anything. Ill just be on the fringe maintaining the spirit of luzeni alive because fuck you monkey punch these are my characters now by law.

If you read until this bro get a life. Also im joking, youv given me more consideration than most people i met have. If your take after this is that I am deranged, then youv read right.

Thank you for reading. This blog has always been a pleasure to post on, even my most cringe and embarassing shippy stuff. Ive been met with nothint but support, and I truly enjoy being here because of you. I hope this isnt a 3+ month long goodbye. I hope I draw my lovers again. But I cant guarantee anything. I wish you all health most of all, and love and compassion.

#evacuating emotional baggage through a long rant that you dont have to read #this post is for me and me alone really. i feel better after writing it. thou rverything is still catastrophic #there will be grace

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ryuichirou · 1 month

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Okay I know you made this art like AGES ago but the womb tattoo Idia lives rentfree in my head and I wanted to ask if you had any hcs connected to that, like which character would love it and breed him nonstop, who'd find it hot in theory but not actually want to knock him up, who'd just make him get rid of it to not even risk it... or maybe someone would just make him a public breeding stock?

Hi again, Anon!

I am so happy you liked that one; I randomly remember that idea from time to time as well. We definitely should revisit it, and I should draw it again, but for now I’ll use your ask as an opportunity to talk about it!

First of all, “public breeding stock” is a phrase that feels so wrong yet so right when you apply it to Idia… thank you for putting this image in our heads. Ah, the way he should be treated 😔

As for the boys, I think none of them would want to get rid of the tattoo in an easy non-sexual manner; maybe it’s because of magic, maybe it’s horny monkey brain, but the moment they see it on Idia’s stomach, they’ll go ballistic lol

I also think that the majority of the boys we ship Idia with wouldn’t actually want to knock him up BUUUUT there is some nuance to this whole thing, so let’s go through the list of our main Idia ships…

Azul – this one actually has some hcs, since the original comic is Azul/Idia-centric! The moment Azul learns about the true meaning of the tattoo, he’ll play the “oh how dare you, did you want to use me for your own satisfaction, Idia-san?” card, of course being very obviously fake about this heartbreak and betrayal of trust. And he would completely ignore the fact that Idia wasn’t planning on doing that at all… and he’ll keep talking about it, while having sex with Idia, completely ignoring Idia who is trying to explain that this isn’t the case. The fact that Idia’s mouth starts smiling involuntarily due to how good it feels doesn’t help his case at all.

Azul doesn’t really buy the breeding thing, but he’ll still get overly horny simply due to how much power he has over Idia in this state, especially as the tattoo lights up with his every move and how Idia exhales whenever the dick leaves his body. They’ll break the spell, but Azul will definitely use it in the future. Controlling Idia by having the one thing that he wants sounds like too powerful of an idea to ignore it. Azul is on his way to learn how to cast it! (he’ll also try not to think about how much he genuinely loved seeing Idia looking like this and desiring him…)

Jade and Floyd will get super into in this exciting new thing that Idia did to himself. It’s like a fun toy just got upgraded into the best toy! Idia is already pretty easy to chase and freak out, but when he’s barely running because his body actually wants him to get railed by these two, even though his mind isn’t… it’s perfect. It also feels like when Idia is scared of them, his sexual frustration gets even worse, so by the time they finally get tired of playing around and pin him down, his tattoo would be so bright and hot and his hips would move on their own because he’s desperate. These two would really push the tattoo’s effect to its absolute limits before they even get to touch Idia directly. So of course they’ll comment on how pathetic Idia looks, and of course they’ll play with him for hours!

While they probably won’t be very interested in the breeding part, they would love how Idia begs them to stop but also keeps clinging to them. They’ll also love how his belly is getting filled and stretched as they finish inside for the 5th time both, and Jade would be the one to not only comment on that, and then Floyd would put pressure on the belly to make Idia squirt out everything he’s been storing inside for the past two hours. His tattoo almost started disappearing, too..! But now that Idia is empty, it’s bright and hungry again.

Ortho – Of course he’ll help his niisan/niichan out! Isn’t it for the best that they can do it together and Idia won’t have to embarrass himself in front of other people? Not to mention, they’ve read a hentai manga just like that about a younger brother who helped out his older sister in the exact same way! What do you mean Ortho shouldn’t have access to this type of literature? Too late! Anyways, he’ll ignore Idia moaning about how wrong this it because he’s too busy enjoying how the tattoo colour changes whenever he changes the settings of his robo-dick.

Ironically, I can picture him of all people kind of wishing to knock Idia up, both as AI Ortho and as actual human Ortho. Not only he’ll say it while fucking the living daylights out of Idia, he’ll also make sure that by the time of his third orgasm Idia would start agreeing with him while crying of pleasure. This would’ve instantly became a cringe memory that Idia could’ve easily brushed off (he wasn’t really himself, it was the tattoo’s fault) when the whole thing is over; but Ortho would say that it’s a bummer that actually knocking Idia up is impossible… Ortho, please, you are the one person who SHOULDN’T think about it!

Sebek – no thoughts head empty; after figuring out what kind of curse this tattoo implies and yelling at Idia for being so obscene, he’ll get consumed by the desire to breed him. Maybe fae react to this type of tattoo stronger? Maybe it’s just a Sebek thing. But the moment he stares at the tattoo for longer than 2 seconds, his pupils will dilate and he will get super horny. He might get a vague desire to actually impregnate Idia, and it’ll keep his hips going like crazy, but it wouldn’t go further than that. Even though for a moment there he really would feel like Idia’s body is capable of handling fae eggs or anything else for that matter… Still, Sebek will fill Idia with to the brim and just keep creampie-ing him until both of them pass out.

Lilia – he is the one guy who is actually aware about the tattoo and what it represents, and he would be very impressed by the fact that Idia managed to do this to himself somehow. This is absolutely the first time Lilia witnessed someone doing it on accident… He’ll scare Idia with stories about how some infertile fae casted this spell on themselves and pumped out like 5 babies that year in one go, and how the tattoo means that Idia won’t go back to normal until his body is properly satiated with thick and potent seed. Idia could just ignore it of course, it won’t kill him, he’ll just feel incredibly horny all the time and start feeling the urge to shove anything even remotely phallic inside his ass—this is where Idia would beg Lilia to stop talking and making everything worse lol

Lilia will fuck Idia alright! And he’ll feel him good, while still talking about how Idia’s body will start changing whether he wants it or not. Idia will be completely terrified but also too horny to think about anything because Lilia would feel way too good.

But ALSO. When Lilia himself is done (grandpa can’t go 10 rounds like he used to…), he could actually do the “making Idia a public breeding stock” thing and just invite all the Diasomnia students to have their way with Idia. He’ll stay there the whole time, holding Idia’s legs and patting his head playfully while Idia completely loses his mind because both his hair and his tattoo would go absolutely crazy because of how overwhelmed and horny he is. He wouldn’t remember just how many guys he took that day, but thankfully, they left plenty of autographs on his body with a marker that Lilia found somewhere.

#replies #headcanons #azuide #shroudcest #lilidia #jadidi #floidi #sebeide

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tiredatiny · 2 years

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—Deep Sea

Pairing: Lee Felix x male reader

Genre: strangers to lovers, pirate au

Warnings: cursing, treating reader as an object, that’s it I guess??

Part 1 of 3

“Captain!! Oy captain, I think we caught one of ‘em mermaids!” A yell could be heard from the deck.

Soon there was a huge swarm of excited pirates, all of them wanting to see the “mermaid” that was being pulled out of the dark sea. But instead of a beautiful sea creature, they saw an angry man with a fish’s tail trying to cut the net that was keeping him hostage.

“Han are you blind or something??”

“You dumbass that’s a merman!”

The ship’s crew became dead silent when their captain stepped out of his helm. “For fucks sake what are you all yelling abou-“ he started scolding but stopped when seeing the merman. His eyes light up greedily, already thinking about the price he and his crew could get if they sold the creature. “Who’s the man that captured it?” Han quickly straightened his back and with a cocky smile he yelled “It was me Captain Chan! I, Han Jisung successfully captured this-“

“Oh don’t be so full of yourself. You obviously caught it by accident” someone cut him off. Han turned towards the voice and it was no one other than Minho. Of course.

The captain patted Han on the back proudly before continuing scolding. “Well what are you all standing here?? Bring the tank and fill it with water!”

The lack of space was making go crazy, but hey at least the pirates were oh so kind to not close the lid of the tank. Right after you were brought to this ship, you started planning an escape since you didn’t really want to be killed and sold by some dirty pirates.

“Hi merman.. you uumm hungry?” The once dark room was now full of light, as someone from the crew stepped inside with an oil lamp. You turned around, not wanting to be faced with your kidnapper. “Maybe he doesn’t speak English” the pirate mumbled and carefully knocked the tank’s glass. After multiple attempts to get your attention, the male sighed and left, leaving a plate of food near the aquarium.

You made sure that he was definitely not coming back, before reaching towards the plate. You took a piece of.. something and took a small bite that you quickly spit out. It tasted so bad, it felt like eating sand. You didn’t dare to eat the other things on the plate, fearing that they would taste the same- or even worse.

All through the rest of the evening, you listened to the crewmen and tried to make your escape plan based off of what you heard. The only problem was that you knew names, not faces. You knew that someone by the name Hongjoong was this ship’s quartermaster and that he was the one usually steering the wheel. You also knew that a seemingly young man named Wooyoung was guarding the door leading to the room where you were. You guessed that there were about 10 to 14 people on the ship with you and that alone made escaping so much harder than it already was.

The next couple of days went by with the same schedule. You woke up after a couple of hours sleep, thought about the best time to flee the ship, got some awful dinner and went to sleep.

During the days you had figured out that the best time to escape was during the night, when most of the crew were sleeping. Firstly you would climb out of the tank, as quietly as possible. Then you would crawl across the deck and jump into the sea. The only possible threats were Captain Chan, Hongjoong and Minho. It seemed like those three never slept and were always on the lookout.

Once it became dark, your plan started. Getting out of the tank was so much harder than you had originally thought and you ended up cutting yourself while jumping to the floor. The stinging feeling didn’t last long, thankfully. You clumsily opened the door and saw Wooyoung snoring.

Just don’t wake him up and we’re good, you thought. Your eyes wandered around the deck, trying to find any threats and when it seemed like everything was clear you started making your way to freedom. The plan was going almost too perfectly until a loud gasp could be heard. You quickly turned around and recognized the man who was standing a few meters away from you, utterly shocked. It was Felix, the ship’s other cook.

No one dared to say anything for a moment. Both of you just stood there completely still.

“Wh-what are you doing here??” The cook finally asked. You noticed how he was trying to be quiet and you were somewhat thankful for that. But before he could get an answer, you started dashing to the other side of the deck ready to escape.

Felix acted before he could think and tried to stop you as best as he could. Deep down he knew he was doing the wrong thing but he really didn’t want to disappoint the whole crew by letting you get away.

The noises woke Wooyoung up and the man was more than confused. “What are you staring at?? Help me!” Felix shouted while gripping onto your tail like his life depended on it. “Right right.. should I call the captain or-” Wooyoung mumbled, still half asleep.

“What the hell is happening here?”

Both Chan and Hongjoong stepped out of the shadows of the ship. No words needed to answer their question after seeing the scene in front of them.

You quickly ended up in a fight with four men and honestly if it wasn’t for the fact that you were so close to freedom, you would’ve given up a long time ago.

The last thing you remembered was accidentally slapping someone with your tail and then you were falling into the sea. You heard yelling but couldn’t care less anymore. You were free and- wait…

Your eyes focused on the figure that was slowly sinking to the bottom of the ocean. The horrifying feeling creeped up your spine as you realised what was going on.

You had accidentally taken Felix with you.

#male reader #kpop x male reader #stray kids x male reader #lee felix #stray kids #stray kids x reader #lee felix x y/n #lee felix x you #lee felix x reader #lee felix x male reader #felix x male reader #skz x reader #skz felix

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usopps-devotee · 8 months

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know sounds cringe but just hear me out lets say that the red hair pirates just recruited a cute female crew member thats pretty short(like 169cm) and weak. She goes shopping alone in town ,the town the red hair pirates staying at .But than she gets attack by some thiefs that try takeing her money but when she refuse to give them they beat her and leave her with huge red bruises on the arms/legs and on the forehead that start to bleed pretty bad ...she gets still in pain and robbed....walks to the local clinic.Stay in a room to heal. Meanwhile back at ship where the guys are starting to worry about their little pumkpin desides to go searching for her .They go around asking everyone at different food stalls if they seen her keep mind that shanks and his crew are wereing their causal outfit and weapons on and super tall guys so people get scread. They finally get a to a man that saw her.he gives the directions to the clinic. Shanks and his crew get to the reception and ask for their little pumpkin is bit the receptionist tells that she can't tell where their pumpkin is at because if she has not clarifies that visitors are allowed than she can't tell them.Also because she thinks they look suspicious because there pirates

How do you think the guys will react to this fact?

short,,, anon that's like 5'6 ,,,,,,, I'm 2 inches shorter than that (like 162cm or something). please don't bully me on my birthday.

they would be relieved to have located their sweet girl but that doesn't end their worries. What happened, who attacked you, how bad was it to the point where they aren't allowing you to have any visitors? They needed to see you.

If you think they don't sneak in you're a fool, its both startling and heartwarming to hear the sound of Shanks coming in from the window. "Captain! you're here, sorry if I scared you." it was rare to see Shanks mad, the amount of rage in his eyes almost terrified you. "Who did this." his voice was calm it was clear that someone wouldn't make it till tomorrow. You told him everything, how the gifts you had gotten for the crew as well as every last berry had been stolen. From the way you described it he's surprised you made it here on your own.

"I'm so sorry pumpkin, I swear we'll never let anyone lay a hand on you again." You sat up in your bed, wincing a little at the pain. Pulling the captain into a hug, him being heartbroken was worse than all the cuts and bruises you endured. "Shanks I should have known better than to go out by myself, I'll make sure to bring someone with me next time." he gives you a small kiss on the forehead and rubs your back. "See you tomorrow Pumpkin and make to get that visitor thing fixed so we can see you."

Lucky and Yasopp are the first to come and see you, both melodramatic about your current state. Damn near tears while they explained how worried the crew was. Benn ended up stopping by before they left even bringing one of your favorite sweets to make you feel better, although he waited for the two other men to leave, wanting you to have your treat by yourself.

Shanks was the last member of the crew to visit you, to your surprise he came back in with a wide smile and familiar bags. "I didn't look in most of them," he said like you should be proud that he didn't snoop through all the gifts, all you can do is shake your head and smile. "So which one is mine?"

"That my dear captain you will have to wait and see, i want to give everyone their gifts at once."

#high☆talks #ask kush♡#shanks #yasopp #benn beckman #red hair pirates #shanks fluff #yasopp fluff #Beckman fluff #implied #shanks x reader

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ughgoaway · 9 months

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thinking about matty being late to pick his kid up for whatever reason (like maybe 15 mins late, nothing too crazy, and not too late to warrant calling someone else to pick them up) and he's feeling terrible about it as he bolts from the car to the playground, but he feels better - heartwarmed, even - at the sight of the kid playing hopscotch with the teacher or the two of them just sitting chatting as they wait for him. cute potential, i think!! <3

how did I forget to respond to this??? (the answer is adhd but SHHH)

anyway YES maybe he got caught up in the studio doing "work" (fucking about with George for 3 hours) and suddenly looked his his phone and just felt his heart DROP.

obviously, he immediately runs out of the studio with one arm in his jacket and immediately on the phone to the school, trying to sound coherent. I don't think you answer, I can see it being the older receptionist (who definitely ships girlie and matty) and she's so lovely and assures him that Annie is totally fine and they'll look after her until he can get there.

so 10 mins and many traffic violations later matty comes into the playground borderline Olympic sprinting but is relieved to just the the two of you sitting on a wall swinging your feet and giggling.

as he gets closer he can hear the convo and his heart (and ego) swell over the fact its about him.

"So my daddy and my uncle George do something that Uncle ross calls "pratting about" for too long, and Daddy gets caught up, so that's why he's late, probably!" Annie says, and matty has to actually stop himself face palming at his daughter using the word prat. he makes a mental note to have a go at Ross for using bad language around his daughter (as if he doesn't use words 100x worse)

He should interrupt and collect Annie, but he can't stop himself from staying back just to see your reaction

"ahhh, that makes sense, I'll be sure to ask him when he gets here. do you like your dad's music, Annie?" you say, stifling a laugh and nodding thoughtfully along with Annie's answer

matty tenses and prepares for his heart to break into 10000 little pieces, but luckily, Annie answers just how he wants, "Yeah. I like it when he waves to me onstage. He smiles lots up there and his music is funny, you should come see him sometime!" she says excitedly, looking up at you with so much hope in her eyes

you say something like "oh that sounds so fun, Annie! maybe one day I will come to a show!" and even though you know you really shouldn't, being her teacher and everything, internally you think it's not too bad an idea...

before it becomes officially eavesdropping matty jumps in and grabs Annie, profusely apologising and thanking you. of course you brush it off and say its no big deal, you wave bye to Annie and wave at matty too, substantially more shyly.

later that night at dinner, he starts to grill Annie lightly about what you spoke about, but sadly, it's nothing too interesting until she makes one little comment that makes matty very very happy.

"miss y/n asked about you though, she asks about you sometimes"

he doesn't push any further and listens to Annie talking about the upcoming sports day with a very content smile on his face.

blurb masterlist here!!

#i actually love dilf matty #he would be late for pickup tho <3 #this is kinda shit but its not real writing so it doesnt count #moots <3 #teacher au!

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pro-logue-epi-logue · 3 months

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RANDOM DEVIL'S NIGHT THOUGHTS

~NUMBER 52~

Remember when I said, I have more than 3 rants saved in my drafts? Yeah, so here is one of them.

Not a Random Thought but more of a RANT -

Because

Alex fucking Palmer by god i hate this shit piece of a character( sorry for this crude language or upcoming ones, if any) befor some people say oh you gate alex you must be mYsOgInIsT, if you hate a woman you are not misogynistic and believe me i hate horseman and that shithead aydin too but this is about her.

Lets be honest here, NO ONE hates alex for her friend with benefits thing with Will, like okay you fucked move on and neither do anyone hate her for being a luxury escort.

She deserves every bit of hate for being a total bitch to emmy for no reason, looking down on her, comparing her trauma to her, emphasizing she suffered more??

Seriously Alex Palmer deserved a punch to the face.

At one point i even began to understand Aydin's point of view and i hated that scum bag, but alex she just got worse and worse.

Concepts like Dignity and maturity are foreign to Alex Palmer and it shows.

Also i don't think anyone else noticed this, but she clearly wanted to be way more than she was in everything specifically in Will's life thats why she kept on butting in.

She was so goddamn annoying.

I really blme PD for this too, they went about will and alex and will and damon all the time and when people started Shipping them, they were like "How did this happen?"

Why create a fuss of them when they are not even end game?????

Will was an alcohol and drug addict, was depressed, thought about suicide for years when he was around alex and damon And people are shipping them?????

The guy would have probably died of OD if they(Damon andalex) were around and emmy hadn't come back.

What kind of a shitty ass friend was this alex like she knew about will drugs and all not once did she say anything to stop him?? I know she is not responsible for it,but she acted all entitled all throughout Nightfall maybe used her head and said anything, even damon tried to make him stop drinking????

Also, someone has to say it so i will, this devil's night fandom is full of idiots and hypocrites, it is so normal for them to hate on banks and emory like they weren't the only two with brain, they literally LOVE the horseman but hate on emmy for what ?? Because she rejected a boy, or signed those paper??

She was backed in a corner and had to save her grandma, she thought of will and was technically helping them or else more videos would have came out?? Did you not read the book?? Horseman assaulted Rika, Damon treated Banks like a Dog, Will was a bitch to Emory in blackchurch, always pushed her in corners in high-school and by god they just Love them.

Or maybe they hate her because they wanted willalex.

Its is sooo common to hate on banks and emmy but god forbid someone mentions how much of an idiot rika was, alex almost let emmy got r*ped( someone mentioned it in a post that alex knew about taylor but didn't show herself to emmy), the douche bags horseman enough said but yes hate an orphan girl who wanted to save her grandma and did nothing wrong. Especially SOME fans act like you killed someone instad of mentioning the obvious.

Also how the fuck on earth PD can throw willemmy out of the window in their own goddamn book, ever since alex arrived everything was Alex,alex and bitch alex,...

The train scene was sooooo disgusting and vile and what made me livid is after that will says " oh she belongs with us, she is like us" i was literally like shutup asshole it took you this to see emmy belongs with you not when she said she loves you, and also the alex deserves to be taken care of, like fuck off!!!! she was nothing but a cunt of emmy for no reason in blackchurch and even after that, if anything emmy should have slapped her real good. But obviously as she was a fucking fanservice so it was only logical to throw willemmy and everything about them out of their book, right??

No one even hugged emmy, i said it once and i will say it again none of those assholes deserved emory scott. Not even Will bitchy grayson.

And the loop holes in Nightfall that were like 20 kept on coming because of this alex plot was sooo stupid.

How can you write a character like emory, so strong and complex and will insecure and addict and literally abandon them in THEIR OWN BOOK.

But yes Alex "fucking pick me girl, i am better than you emory" Palmer deserved the entire half of the book.

I once saw a tiktok that said Alex carried this series. My reaction was like

She did nothing to the plot in corrupt, hideaway or killswitch instead of making normal things sexual and i don't count the shopping scene in hideaway because kai paid or else she wouldn't have done it. And in nightfall all she did was be a stupid bitch who was jealous of emory because will still wanted Emmy and aydin was ignoring her, as he should this bitch grated my nerves.

SHE WAS NOT A LEGEND.

SHE WAS NOT HOT.

AND SHE CERTAINLY WASN'T A GIRLS GIRL THATS FOR FUCKING SURE.

SHE WAS JUST A DUMB IDIOT WHO COULDN'T DIGEST THE FACT THAT EVEN AFTER 5 OR 4 YEARS OF KNOWING HER, WILL STILL LOVES AND WANTS EMORY.

AND WHEN AYDIN TOOKS EMMYS SIDE THAT PISSED HER MORE, LIKE HOW COME THE GUY I LOVE IS TAKING SOME OTHER GIRLS SIDE AND THE GUY I THINK LIVES ME( WILL ) DON'T WANT ME.

Everytime someone says Alex was awesome, i just sigh and move on.

I didn't pay any attention to alex in other books like she was a side character right, but in NF apparently she becomes a major character and ended up running the book, i blame those horny Facebook group people who wanted Alex so much they kept on bugging Them, look what you did you ruined a book that was about to be an awesome one.

#random devils night thoughts #the devil's night #the devils night #devil's night #devils night #the devil's night series #will grayson iii #emory scott #willemmy #the devils night series #devils night series #alex palmer #aydin khadir

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ourflagmeansheartbreak · 5 months

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I am gutted and angry and sad and disappointed by the news. I loved OFMD with my entire heart, that show meant everything to me. Before you comment “it’s just a show” yes, I am aware. Please consider what it means to people to just see good shows that have queer people that are NOT just about queer people? Show with people who have disabilities, mental issues, who are trans, people of colour, and it’s not just about that, it’s a whole another world and a whole another plot, those people simply exist. How much it means to people to just see someone like them. People who saw this queer show and how much it took off and started writing, drawing, creating because of it, because of how inspiring it was to see queer people thrive.

People are upset, rightfully so, because taking it away you take away the hope it gave you. Hope to prove yourself worthy in this world, hope to see yourself represented.

Thought I am absolutely devastated, I’d like to thank everyone in OFMD cast, directors, writers and fans who helped to create this beautiful piece. The world we created together will forever be my safe space ship and I love all of you, not only people who were involved in creating, but the fans as well because we together created a beautiful community in which we made each other feel safe and understood.

Those two seasons will forever be in my heart and as angry as I am, I’m glad we had this honour of seeing it. I’m glad we had this honour of this community. Every single one of you from this fandom is amazing, the amount of talent and dedication I see every time I log in; the fandom itself inspires and motivates me. So thank you for existing.

I’m so sad we won’t get third season, but I’m glad we got the two. And I’m glad we got each other.

Please don’t ever stop writing, don’t ever stop creating, because with OFMD being done, your work could be the next big hit. And I believe in you.

For now I’ll appreciate what we got, all the beautiful messages we’ve been taught through it, the representation we finally got, and happiness it gave me. Because Izzy Hands was right, not moving on is worse.

I love all of you from this fandom, I hope that this fandom won’t die soon and we can still share the incredible works, drawings and stories, because people in here are truly incredible.

I’m sorry for your loss, but we will rise again. If not for this show, make sure to create something better yourself. Because I believe in you, I truly believe you can.

Lots of love,

Will x

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laniemae · 4 months

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I am going to take a break from milgramblr

[important please read]

ok now how do I start. Im going to take a break from tumblr for about a week. Things have been absolutely awful for me here since the very beginning of 2024, even if it may not look that way at times.

to retell the situation it happened with the new years gartic phone game, where someone made a prompt about a ship that made me heavily uncomfortable. To put it loosely it reminded me of an extremely bad experience with a fandom a few years ago when I called out a ship for being creepy and having a huge age gap but I was constantly dogpiled and harassed. It was probably the worst experience I’ve had on the internet and to this day I get really scared of people hating on me and I apologise for everything likely stemming back from the situation.

I tried to persist with the game but I got really upset and left. I expressed on my blog how uncomfortable I felt about the whole situation. Then this one person, who’s a prominent figure in the Milgramblr community, I won’t name them but I think you’ll know who, replied on my post saying that “it’s ok because…” in such an awful tone. It’s hard to explain but basically it felt really bad as they completely dismissed my feelings about the situation just to justify their creepy ship. And even worse, they way they responded was EXACTLY the same way that everyone else responded back in to at old fandom. At the point to I’d much prefer hate and harassment over that false positive attitude.

I freaked out and immediately blocked them and basically went into a panic attack. I was freaking out on my blog and just to make things worse I saw a post praising them and things got so bad. It was the start of the new year and I was on holiday and was supposed to do a bunch of things but because of that situation I was bedridden and couldn’t stop crying. I had so many nightmares about everyone here turning on me and the original incident and I still have them.

the way the person reacted to my situation was absolutely awful. After my breakdown they immediately went to their blog and started posting about how the ships good and you should praise it completely disregarding everything that happened. I’ve always been uncomfortable with them but this pushed me over the edge. And later on I got in contact with someone who was (presumably) trying to help me and we decided to see if that person could make an apology. But they took way to long to even think they gave any attention to the situation and the apology itself didn’t feel that genuine.

This person was still posting about it and didn’t change their pfp and title despite how bad it was to me and they did not do anything at all. Again I’m not naming anyone but I highly recommend you do not support them anymore. I said I’m going to be leaving for a while but if you want clarification on who it is you can just ask, I’ll check my stuff tomorrow morning before I completely shut off for the week.

I don’t know who it was but there was even a throwaway account hating on me and saying awful things. I didn’t care that much as things had already gotten so bad for me that I didn’t care about the opinion of an anon. But like I said, the sickly positive response that person gave was way worse than actual hate.

and that’s only one part of the story. Another thing happened much more recently with the person I mentioned who was trying to help me. They were the first person I followed on Milgramblr and the person who inspired me to join and make all these theories, so with this and them helping me I really looked up to them. It was a few days ago I think but they posted something on their account about that person and wanting attention to them. I expressed my uncomfortable feelings about the situation and they didn’t do anything about it. Instead they decided to KEEP POSTING about it, like constantly and me getting more upset at the situation and how they responded made it clear that they didn’t care at all. I blocked them and we were mutuals for a while.

It’s been a month and I’m still suffering very badly. I’m not constantly crying as I was when it first happened but it still pains me. I’ve been feeling incredibly distressed on this sight knowing that the original person hasn’t done anything about it and they’re still very close. No matter how much I block them or blog tags I still see them in reblogs or bought up. I had to exclude anything relating to the earbuds collab from my milgram archives as it gives me back really bad memories to the pfps involved. I just can’t feel safe in this place anymore and especially that no matter how I feel, nothing has changed since when it happened and no one’s even actually trying to help me or change things.

I’ve just been feeling so bad that I’ve been going days without eating. Just because I can’t be bothered to get out of bed. The only solace for me is sleep but even that’s not good enough as I might have nightmares and I often feel much more tired afterwards. Things are changing for me as I actually have to get up and do something now and it’s surprisingly going kinda well, but that has nothing to do with this situation.

just to note I will be continuing my milgram archives series, I’ve scheduled quite a few posts for this week so they’ll keep going. For me I’ll completely cut off all activity for this week, and may return on Wednesday.

it’s just. I hate how nothings changed. I want something to happen but no one’s helping

#I don’t know how many people will see this #i don’t even know if people will care about this #perhaps I just come back and everything’s the fucking same #I’ve been considering leaving the fandom because of this and I guess this would be to see what’s it’s like #If it’s better to stay or to leave #I’ve blocked so many people from this situation it’s hard to believe #people I thought I could trust…#To say it once again #If you know the person I’m referring to please unfollow them and don’t support them #I can tell you if you ask for a while #And just seeing all the praise the fandom got with people saying the fandom is such a nice and wholesome space is sickening #It was right after what happened and it’s just awful seeing people say that like they don’t care about what happened #They even started a minecraft server which I wanted to join #But avoided like the plague when I realised it was the person who started the original prompt #There was also a thing that happened recently where someone drew all their mutuals as cats #I ended up seeing that person in one of the cats and knowing that they followed them I instantly unfollowed #The cat pfps just make me so uncomfortable as it constantly reminds of the situation #It sounds stupid because it is but I’m at the point where any little reminder can set me off #But it’s not as bad as the collab pfps which I just can’t look at anymore #Although it’s only with a few characters that really make me feel that the art style in general just gives bad memories #To what I said earlier I don’t know anything about the person the originally made the prompts stand on this #I don’t know if they’re purposely ignoring me I don’t know if they even have no idea this is happening but I’m worried #I’ve also had experiences with a bunch of people I used to follow blocking me #And I’ve talked about it here but no one pays attention

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btskitten7 · 10 months

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Chapter v; a deadly favor (part two)

Ship: Min Yoongi x fem reader

AU/Genre: Mafia AU

Rating: M

Wc: 7.2 (all parts together)

Chapter warnings: spicy scene in this one! (oral f. Receiving. Fingering. Implied love making) Yoongi getting drunk (and very sad) stalking mentioned. Selling drugs.

Chapter summary: this is where Yoongi’s mask starts to slip and he’s having difficulty keeping it straight. He knows his lies are going to catch up to him and it’s getting to him. Namjoon betrays Yoongi without knowing the extent of his betrayal. Yoongi’s dad is an ass here :/ Hoseok is closing in on you. This is where things are going downhill.

taggs: @shadowjellyfishfest @princess-sunshyn @scuzmunkie @baechugff @maunosorioh @shelyamc

It was your comfort spot. Most nights he would find you there. On other nights you both would sleep there if the weather permitted. No doubt you'd be there tonight too.

It was a beautiful night. The stars were bright and the weather was a little chilly but tolerable. You could see the lights of Seoul from a distance. You got to witness the sunset, something you try to do every night you have the time. The beautiful arrangement of orange, red, pink, and a bit of purple almost made you forget about the fight earlier. It was calming.

A pair of arms wrapped around your waist, instantly warming you up. You didn't have to look to know who it was. His scent alone told on himself. Yoongi placed his head in the crook of your neck, soaking up your scent. You relaxed to his touch, you couldn't help yourself.

After a few moments, you pushed your body off of Yoongis and turned, facing him, remembering the whole reason why you are upset. You folded your arms and looked at Yoongi. Yoongi's heart dropped to the floor when he saw your reaction. He knew he deserved it.

'This must be what You felt when I did the same to you' he thought to himself.

Ignoring the beautiful scene around him, Yoongi couldn't keep his eyes from locking on yours. He saw the confusion, worry, and sadness in your eyes. He knew that this time he'd be able to fix it... but he also knew that there would be a time that he might not be able to fix it. He won't always have the right words to keep you here. And that scares him. Looking at your expressions now made him think of the future and you finding out everything.

Moving closer to you and taking your hands, taking a deep breath

" I'm sorry..." he started " I had a long day today and seeing that...the thought of.." he stops himself and sighs defeatedly. "It just...made me lose my cool. I didn't mean to react that way, normally I don't..this time was different. I don't like the thought of someone else charming you. Especially to that degree. Especially when you love roses and flowers in general. It just drove me crazy and seeing how happy you were about them...it just," Yoongi paused for a second before continuing "it just made me jealous. More than normal."

You could see the sincere look in his eyes. It just confirmed what you thought of before.

"I understand but it hurts my feelings a lot when you pull away like that. Not once but twice. You've never acted like that before. It kind of scared me and you looked unrecognizable to me." You said to him looking into his eyes.

Yoongi felt even worse than he did before. Hearing that come from your lips felt like someone kicked him dead in his chest. It was something he never wanted to do to you. All he could do was look down from your gaze. He couldn't believe he allowed Hoseok to make him react like that..not only that but to you of all people.

"Blossom I...I'm so sorry. There's no excuse for that" he said once again. "I should have never reacted that way. I would never hurt you and I never meant to scare you."

You knew Yoongi was apologetic, he meant his words wholeheartedly. Also, you knew Yoongi would never hurt you. Of course, you accept his apology, but it's still going to remain in the back of your mind. It was hard for it not to be.

"You are forgiven, baby. I can't stay mad at you for long even if I wanted to. I know you wouldn't hurt me. It was just different to see you like that. But I'm sorry too."

Yoongi frowned and tilted his head. There was nothing that you needed to apologize for in his mind so he was curious as to what you had to apologize for.

"What are you apologizing for?" he asked,

"For assuming you got me the roses. I should have confirmed who they were from before accepting them. If I would have known they were from another man, let alone anyone else? I would have left them there or donated them to the hospital. Patients love things like that. Nevertheless, I'm sorry too." you explained.

Yoongi chuckled and pulled you closer to him, wrapping his arms around your waist and making small circles against your skin with his fingertips.

"Baby..." he started " you didn't do a thing. It was all me. I shouldn't have acted that way"

His eyes softened which made you melt.

This was the Yoongi you were used to. Not that person you saw earlier. You placed your hand on Yoongi's cheek, cupping it softly. No extra words were spoken, it didn't need to be. The atmosphere said everything that needed to be said between you two.

No longer able to hold himself back, Yoongi leaned down and kissed your lips softly. Not wanting anything more and not giving you anything less. It was like the argument was erased from your memories as you shared the sweet kiss.

Wanting to savor this moment, Yoongi picked you up as he moved towards the chair. As he sat down, he sat you directly onto his lap, not breaking the kiss. Not even for a second.

Slowly the kiss became something more passionate and sweet. His lips were parted, allowing you to slip your tongue inside. Warm and soft, are the words you'd describe Yoongi's lips. You could kiss them for hours and not get tired of them.

Your bodies pressed together heatedly as your tongues both fought for dominance. You could feel both of your heartbeats pick up as the kiss grew more intense between you two.

Warmth bloomed in Yoongi's chest as the sparks began to ignite as the kiss continued to the room. Your legs were wrapped around his waist until he laid you on the bed, closing the space in between you, still not allowing the kiss to break. The intensity of the kiss, his weight on your body, and the smell of his cologne made you see double. Butterflies danced in your stomach, you were over the moon over Yoongi. And he was with you.

Yoongi pulled back and stared into your eyes, creasing your cheek softly. "I love you blossom. I don't ever want to lose you..." Your stomach did backflips. It took so long for Yoongi to tell you he loved you so each time you hear him say it, you melt. "I love you too, Yoongi"

Yoongi smiled as he leaned down and kissed your lips. You returned the kiss, meeting his tongue in the middle. Yoongi knew that he had an early morning tomorrow but he did not care. He needed this. He needed you. You broke apart and Yoongi began to kiss your neck sweetly.

"I'm going to show you how much I love you, yn"

Just that alone was enough to drive you mad. His kisses were loving and sweet. Yoongi started to nibble on your earlobe as he slid his hands down your body, gripping your breast and rubbing them. A soft moan left your lips as he continued to grip your breast and kiss your neck.

He gripped the bottom of your shirt and lifted it over your head, pleased to see that you had nothing underneath. From your neck, he began to kiss your collarbone which led him to your breast. Yoongi flicked his tongue across your nipple making you gasp softly. He licked and sucked your nipple as you squirm underneath him. After a few moments, he switched to your other one and repeated the same process. Your moans only grew louder from here as he licked down your stomach. He left plenty of soft kisses against your skin which gave you butterflies.

Yoongi spreads your legs apart and runs his tongue along your lips. Your hands subconsciously found their way to his locks which caused you to pull him closer. He then kissed your thighs slowly moving upwards towards your entrance. You moaned loudly as he teased you with his tongue alone. Your hips begin to move up and down as he continues to lick you.

"S-stop teasing" you demand breathlessly which earns you a slap to the thigh followed by Yoongi's deep chuckles.

"I think I'll take my time" Yoongi smirked looking up at you.

You let out a small cry when he took your clit into his mouth and began to suck on it with his eyes amused by your response to him. You could feel yourself getting close to orgasm already. You knew you would explode if he didn't stop and he knew that too, but that didn't stop him.

It encouraged him.

Yoongi kept sucking on your clit while penetrating you with his two fingers. You moaned loudly as your body tensed up and your orgasm washed over you. You came so hard that you almost passed out.

Good thing you didn't because that would have made Yoongi stop what he was doing. You didn't want that.

When your orgasm subsided, Yoongi climbed on top of you and smiled at your dazed look. "You okay blossom?" He asks jokingly with a slight hint of worry. You look at him with a lazy smile on your face nodding. "Why wouldn't I be? You do this to me every time" You wrap your arms around him and pull him in for a deep kiss.

Yoongi chuckled against your lips before kissing you again. The kiss lasted for a minute before he broke away and said lovingly, "I want to make love to you, baby." You nod in agreement with a loving smile as you hold his face close to yours. Yoongi couldn't help the butterflies he felt when he was with you.

It's like his tough and cold persona was nonexistent when you were with him. He was worried that he wouldn't be able to properly express himself and sometimes it's still difficult for him. But you made it so easy for him to fall in love.

He had to protect this no matter what.

~~~~~~~~

For the next few weeks, things were pretty quiet and normal. Yoongi and his father were off on another trip. Surprisingly, they left Seokjin behind. That never happens but you didn't mind the company while Yoongi was away. Things at work were the same but your shifts ran smoothly and calmly. Which is unheard of in the nursing career but you weren't complaining. You hadn't seen that guy again, not that you wanted to. You just hoped that his friend was staying out of trouble and trying not to get shot again. When your co-workers told you that someone came looking for you, you could only assume it was him. The way Yoongi reacted...it's probably best that he never comes around again.

After an hour or so of passing meds, you finally had a chance to sit at your desk and chart everything that you couldn't before. You only had an hour left in your shift, so you went ahead and got everything ready for the shift. As you were charting, you realized that your picture was missing from your area.

"Hey, Jackie?" You asked, "Have you seen my picture that I had up here?"

Your coworker hummed as she thought about it for a moment. She shook her head and looked at you with sad eyes. "Sorry love, I didn't know you had a picture there if I'm being truthful. I don't realize small things like that."

You smiled softly "It's okay"

Sighing as you sat back in your seat you kept looking around your workspace.

"I thought I had a picture here of Yoongi and me?" you asked yourself under your breath. You pouted and texted Yoongi.

(Blossom 🤍): Baby...I think I lost my picture at work. I must have misplaced it when I packed up to go home but now I'm sad.

(Yoon 🖤): don't worry, we'll look for it once I get back. It's probably laying in plain sight and you've overlooked it.

(Blossom 🤍): okay 😔 can we take another one just in case I've lost it?

(Yoon 🖤): Blossom 😂 we take pictures all the time. You do not have to ask me to take more.

(Blossom 🤍): you didn't like to before mister!

(Yoon 🖤): I was younger and we weren't together. Why would I need to take pictures?

(Blossom 🤍): it was only five years ago 😒 and you should always take pictures! You look so handsome 🥺

(Yoon 🖤): so I was still younger then. I'll only take pictures for you.

(Blossom 🤍): you better! My shift is almost over! I'll text you before bed!

Not pondering on it for too long after your conversation with Yoongi, you got a new admission that needed your attention.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yoongi, Namjoon, and his father are in Japan talking to some of his father's old "friends". They want to discuss business with his father. The drug trade.

For months now, Yoongi has been fighting with his father about the whole drug trade. Min has been hounding Yoongi about it ever since Namjoon's father convinced him to do so. With Namjoon's father being the current underboss with his father, of course, his father would go along with the one he trusts the most. And he would do anything for wealth. Min probably trusted Namjoon's father more than he trusted Yoongi, his son. But now, his father believes that having a part in the trade will bring more money to the family. Yoongi couldn't argue with that in fact, he agreed. He saw just how much people could potentially make from the trade alone and had no ties to the mafia but he didn't think it was worth the risk.

Casinos, construction, building complexes, and businesses are less risky. Of course, one could wonder how you obtain all that you have but they wouldn't suspect you as fast as they would with drugs. Getting into something like that is like inviting the police right into your home. Yoongi wants his time as boss to be as smooth as possible. He remembered how his mother always had to clean up the messes his father made and the years they spent apart since he went to prison often, he didn't want you to have to do the same. He couldn't let you do the same.

But once his father sets his mind on something, he sticks to it. He shouldn't be surprised, he's the same way. He and his father bumped heads over you plenty of times and Yoongi never let up.

As much as Yoongi tries to separate himself from his father, he still carries his father's traits. There was no denying that.

Namjoon thought the same as Yoongi...but once he talked to Yoongi's father and his father, it all made sense. Namjoon has a great relationship with his father and always trusted what he told him. Min has always been a second father figure for him as well. They told him to convince Yoongi before the trip but he hasn't had the chance to talk to him alone. Since they were going to be gone for two weeks, Yoongi spent every waking moment with you. Even on the trip, he's been talking to you all day and all night. The dinner is tonight, so he has to convince him right now, but of course, he's talking to you.

"It's 11 at night, why are you just now having dinner?" Namjoon heard you ask Yoongi. Yoongi chuckled.

"Because my father wants to have dinner with one of his friends he hasn't seen in a long time and they aren't done with whatever they are doing until that late. Don't worry though, Joon and I had a filling lunch today." Yoongi said while aimlessly picking at the bottom of his shirt. He smiled at your sweet giggle on the other end. "I hope it was good!"

Namjoon hated to interrupt. He knows how much Yoongi wants to talk to you, especially after the blow-up a few weeks ago but he only had less than an hour before they had to leave. It was now or never.

Namjoon walked over to Yoongi and cleared his throat.

"I need to talk to you about something."

Yoongi looked up at Namjoon with a slight frown.

"Can't it wait until I'm done?"

"No. We need to talk about it before dinner. It's important."

"Baby don't worry about it! You can call me when you're done with everything. I don't mind waiting for you. I'm off tomorrow" you said reassuring him. An annoyed sigh left his mouth. Namjoon became a bit worried since it isn't the best time to talk to him when he was irritated. Especially if one interrupts his time with you.

"No, it's okay blossom. I'll call you in the morning. Get some rest. I should be home tomorrow night or early the next morning. Goodnight, I love you"

"I love you too, baby! Hurry back to me. I miss you! And don't work too hard! Have some fun every once in a while!" You said which made Yoongi snort.

"I only have fun when I'm with you." Yoongi smiled. Namjoon knew that if he allowed this to continue, he'd be waiting for another 30 minutes before he could say anything.

"Yoongi" Namjoon said sternly, which caused Yoongi's smile to fade. Yoongi rolled his eyes before saying another set of goodbyes and I love you's.

After getting off the phone, Yoongi's dark eyes looked into Namjoon's.

"What could you possibly want that couldn't wait until I was done with my conversation"

" Since we don't have much time, I'm going to just say it, I think we should get into the drug trade. BEFORE you say anything just hear me out. We have enough businesses to cover our tracks. No one would expect it. It's not like we are the ones sitting on the streets selling it. That's what we have our soldiers for. They sell and the family profits. This would be good for you to come in as boss with a new way to make money. You'll be able to bring in more than your father did when taking the family from your grandfather"

Yoongi shook his head with a condescending scoff. He knew exactly where Namjoon got this idea. He was just agreeing with him a few months back.

"Did my father talk to you regarding this? Because I believe I've already made up my mind. No drugs. It's not worth the risk I thought I told you that. And tell me you can see Jungkook selling drugs? I certainly cannot, unless they're all women. Then he'll be our top seller." Yoongi scoffed with a chuckle. Namjoon sighed before continuing.

"Our fathers and I talked about it a few nights before we left for the trip. At first, I agreed with you, and I still do but when they explained it, I understood better. I think we can do this. With everything we have? No one would expect a thing-"

"You keep saying that as if I told Y/n about anything. Regardless of what we have or what can cover what, do you think I want to push drugs in my home? Where would it all go? Do you want me to go purchase a warehouse and fill it up? How would I explain that? It's already hard enough to keep things between us as it is. I'm not denying that it could bring profit up, there's no question about it. But I'm not trying to add something else I have to hide from her. You don't fucking know how hard it is to keep lying to her." Yoongi jumped up, completely taking Namjoon by surprise. Namjoon felt horrible listening to Yoongi talk about you. He didn't like lying to you either. But this isn't about you, they both had a family and reputation to uphold. He wasn't going to back down like he knew Yoongi wasn't

"Listen, I know what my father wants for the family. He only wants the best and so do I. But in a few months, he's not going to have much say-so. I want my time as boss to be smooth sailing and if, IF, I decide to have kids with Y/n, I want it to be just as smooth for my kid to run or not to run if he so chooses. You're my underboss, you're supposed to be on the same page regardless of what your opinion is. I don't give a fuck what my father or a matter of fact what your father wants. If I have to find another underboss, let me know right now you can go work for my father if that's what you fucking want"

Yoongi was two inches from Namjoon's face. His eyes were dark and serious. Namjoon knew there was nothing else he could say. He threatened his position and knew he wouldn't be let off easily. He shouldn't have had so much confidence in convincing Yoongi...

~~~~~~~~

"You wanted to see me?" Namjoon asked, walking into the conference room. He was a little nervous when Yoongi's father called him but a part of his nerves subsided when he saw his father.

"Yes, son. Don't be so nervous, please have a seat." His father said pointing to the black couch that faced another black couch that the two men were sitting on.

"I'm just wondering why I wasn't to inform Yoongi about me coming here," Namjoon said, finally taking his seat. "I just hope everything is okay"

Yoongi's dad sat his wine down on the white coffee table in front of him with a big smile.

"Things are amazing but they are going to become better. We have some new things that we're going to be adding to our... assets."

Namjoon smiled softly and nodded. "That's great, what's going to happen?"

"Since Yoongi added the real estate and the new property, it's a success. I'm quite proud of you two. How did you guys come up with that?" Yoongi's dad asked. Namjoon thought it was a little weird for him to ask so off topic but he wasn't going to tell him that.

"Yoongi thought it was a good idea for us to get into and he told Seokjin and me to look more into it" He lied.

His father chuckled. Yoongi's father shared the same chuckle as they knew something. That made Namjoon nervous all over again.

"I think I'm going to ask again," Yoongi's father started, "How did Yoongi come up with that idea?"

"My son is smart, a genius even. But real estate just seems...out of his element"

Namjoon paused for a second. Yoongi made him swear not to discuss anything concerning Y/n with his father. As his father knows, Yoongi finally told Y/n everything and she understands it all which he knows is a lie. When Min finally told his wife about his "work" she threatened to divorce him on the spot.

So you being so understanding is unrealistic to Min. He had to admit, Yoongi could lie to anyone but he could never lie to him. He always knew when his son was lying, which wasn't often. Only when Yoongi started to see you is when he started lying to everyone around him.

"Well, Yoongi had to come up with something. She asked him about his work and why he was gone all the time. He just said we were into real estate and we looked at a lot of property. It made the most sense" Namjoon admitted.

He knew he just committed the worst act against Yoongi. Especially, in a life like this. You have very few that you can trust. Yoongi always made it clear that he only trusted three people. Seokjin, Namjoon and Y/n. As much as he loved his mother, he didn't trust her. She'll say and do anything to keep her "perfect" family. He knew she wouldn't do a thing to hurt him but he knew she had to be loyal to his father. So, if it came between him or his father? It'll always be his father.

"You're smart Namjoon. We are deciding to get into the drug trade and while I'm still in charge, it's already a go. We just need to make sure Yoongi keeps it going once I step down and we need you to look into everyone that's already in the trade and pay them a little visit after we get things settled." Min said.

"It'll benefit the family." his father added.

" I can look into it but I don't think I'll be able to do anything more. Yoongi does not want to get into the drug trade. He told us that months ago and he still stands on that today." Namjoon admitted.

"And that's why we've called you here son. You need to convince him, this can bring in revenue without having to put much out. You are his underboss. If anything, he should trust your judgment." his father told him.

"If he's going to listen to anyone, it'd be you, Y/n, or Seokjin. Y/n still doesn't know what my son does and Seokjin never goes against Yoongi no matter if I'm still boss or not but you? You listen. You're a good kid. You would never tell Yoongi anything wrong, he trusts you. You can convince him." Min said standing.

"Unless...I have to have a little talk with yn. I bet that'll get Yoongi on board real quick" Min said with the same dark glare Yoongi had. Namjoon cursed himself and shook his head 'No'

If that happened, Yoongi would go crazy. Especially if you left him because of that. He'd probably kill everyone except for Seokjin and him.

"No, don't. I'll see what I can do"

~~~~~

"You know I don't want that. You also know I'd never tell you to do something if the risk was great. I'd never do anything that would jeopardize you. Even though I shouldn't be, I consider your feelings for yn and how you don't want to lose her. Let's just try it out for a month and if it doesn't work or you still don't like it, we'll stop. I know you really don't want to do this but your father is still your boss as well until December. Just hold out a little longer. We're almost there" Namjoon said calmly.

Yoongi rolled his eyes and sighed sharply.

"If this goes to shit, you will be held responsible. No questions asked." Yoongi said before turning from his underboss. "Also.."

Yoongi turned back towards Namjoon.

"If I find out that you speak to my father without speaking to me again. I'll see it to where you can't go anywhere in this world."

Yoongi said coldly which sent chills down Namjoon's spine.

Yoongi didn't want to hurt his best friend but he also felt his best friend wasn't understanding the seriousness of talking about you or anything to his father. Yoongi walks off, retreating to his side of the shared room to get ready for this dinner. Namjoon finally felt like he could breathe, the hardest part was over. At least he thought so.

#bts fanfic #bts imagine #bts jungkook #bts angst #bts x reader #bts yoongi #bts jhope #bts smut #bts namjoon #bts smut drabble #bts mafia fic #bangtanwhq #micdropnet

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film-in-my-soul · 6 months

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hurry up, we're dreaming | 1,148 | scissorghost

Summary: Steve and Bucky always meet up during their free third period so they can hang out (read: make out) behind the bleachers on the soccer field. They used to go to the football ones, but too many people had the same idea as them and they preferred the empty, if seriously worse-for-wear, soccer bleachers. But today, Bucky doesn’t greet Steve with his usual bruising kiss, instead sweeping him into a gentle hug and holding him there for a minute. Now, Steve’s never one to complain about hugs, but he would infinitely prefer to already be sucking on Bucky’s tongue by now (he’s got his inhaler ready and everything, just in case he needs it) so he stands on his tiptoes and tries to bring their mouths together, but Bucky just holds him away gently.

Cabin Fever | 1,750 | neversaydie

Summary: Captain's Log, stardate 2246.5 Our diplomatic mission to Nova ended smoothly. Nova Prime and the Antaran diplomatic envoy have begun to hash out a trade deal and no longer require Starfleet to act as a neutral third party. We're heading to the Galiway trade hub to restock the ship and release the crew on an extended ten-day shore leave. Some of the crew are starting to get cabin fever with leave being delayed by almost a month now. Such delays are unavoidable, but I can't blame them for feeling cooped up when I, myself— "Steve, c'mon already. This synthale ain't gonna drink itself." Anyway, we should arrive at Galiway sometime within the next twenty-four hours. Hopefully everyone should be less antsy after they blow off a little steam, including the officers. That's all for now. Rogers out.

Go Fish | 2,653 | notlucy / @notlucy

Summary: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man stuck in an airport, in possession of an iPhone, must open Tinder.

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Summary: The Brooklyn SPCA has a running program for their high energy shelter dogs. Steve quickly becomes their #1 volunteer. Every time he's out with a dog, he thinks about stopping to talk to the cute guy in the park, and every time he chickens out. But today, someone else is making that decision for him. That someone is Engelbert the 80 pound boxer mix.

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Summary: Working retail can be unforgiving, especially around the holidays. Luckily, Steve works in a store that has a view of Santa’s Village, the happiest spot in the mall - the place where dreams come true, children never cry, and parents never lose their tempers. Oh, and the place where there may or may not be a hot-ass elf assistant Steve can’t stop daydreaming about.

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Summary: He’s turning the corner headed back to the ambulance bay where Clint is waiting for him in the truck when he rams into this tiny figure in blue scrubs pants and a white undershirt, the kid is cute, blond and blue-eyed, barely reaching Bucky’s shoulder and so slim that if Bucky didn’t have amazing reflexes and reached for him in time the kid would be on the ground from their encounter. Where Bucky is a cocky paramedic and Steve is a tiny nurse.

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Summary: How Bucky Barnes's passion for mechanical engineering led him to create his own best friend.

what we are is unexpected | 6,597 | bitelikefire (theoleo) / @deimoslunaa

Summary: Bucky doesn’t know why people keep asking him for fucking favours. What’s even worse is how he doesn’t understand why he can’t say no and that’s how he ends up babysitting his nephew for his little sister and basically playing cool uncle for the next few weeks.

(760): I literally cut myself out of my pants. Waste. Of. Money. | 6,654 | relenafanel / @relenafanel

Summary: Hey friend of Sam’s can I get an opinion on this outfit? Bucky texted, attaching the selfie taken in Sam’s bathroom mirror. He received an answer almost immediately. Bucky was almost expecting a lecture, or at least a concerned question about who had stolen Sam’s phone. He got neither. New text from Steve: What do you want it to say?

If You Let Me | 6,900 | lillupon / @lillupon

Summary: Steve always thought it was silly how easily girls fell for Bucky, even though they must have known he would only break their hearts. Told himself that he would require more than a few sweet words and a cocky grin. But thinking that while watching Bucky charm his way into a girl’s bed for the night is completely different from being on the receiving end of it.

1023 | 6,982 | seapigeon

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Summary: "Oh no. Hell no." Bucky freezes with his hand halfway to the giant ornamental vase the new family have just unpacked. Smashing it would be the perfect way to announce himself on moving day: a big, stylish gesture that's ambiguous enough to leave them feeling only slightly unnerved until he decides things need to escalate. That is, it would be the perfect way to announce himself if a skinny blond kid hadn't just walked through the living room wall. "This house is taken, pal. What the fuck?" "Uh, this is my family." The kid is standing there awkwardly, like they're still corporeal and he might have to duck or deliver a punch in the near future. "This is my house." He narrows his eyes and slowly gets to his feet. The guy's eyes keep flicking to his missing arm and Bucky is starting to see red. "And I don't appreciate other people living in it."

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Seawater | 9,330 | littleblackfox / @thelittleblackfox

Summary: He stops in front of a large glass tube; pale, translucent Jellyfish floating serenely within. “Look at these guys, Moon jellyfish. You’re an artist, tell me that’s not beautiful.” Brooklyn stares into the display, the soft blue light highlighting the cut of his cheekbones, the softness of his lips, and Bucky squeezes his hand a little harder. Brooklyn turns to him and smiles, small and crooked and painfully sweet. “Yeah, I guess they are.” Bucky can’t look away, something painful lodged in his throat. “Those horseshoe shapes on the caps are their gonads.” Oh, for fuck’s sake.

Nighthawks | 9,531 | mambo / @whtaft

Summary: Bucky's working the graveyard shift at the diner when some tiny guy in Doc Martens walks in and orders a strawberry milkshake.

Closing Time | 10,872 | RecoveringTheSatellites / @thisonesatellite

Summary: Steve works in a Brooklyn dive bar. A tall, guarded guy comes in to drink at regular intervals. He always sits in the back corner. Steve leaves him alone. He looks like a guy who deserves some peace and quiet. He does find out the stranger's name is Bucky. Finds out what he likes to drink. And little by little, conversation happens. Connection happens. Until one day a cock-flock of dudebros comes in (i made up cock-flock, but really, is that not their collective term) and the heckling goes up to eleven once they’re good and drunk. Bucky gets asked to take it outside. Steve will have none of that, thankyouverymuch.

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Summary: You’d think a guy who owns one of the most successful bakeries in Brooklyn, has a million-dollar smile and that antiquated good ol’ boy charm, blond hair and blue eyes and biceps for days, would know what’s what. But don’t let that fool you: Steve Rogers is a mess.

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Dream a Little Dream | 16,458 | velleities

Summary: Steve's MO for living his 21st century life is: keep it simple, fight the good fight with SHIELD and the Avengers, sketch the world around him whenever possible, forget to think about love and all things romance. Steve's 21st Century Life has different plans: a certain charming waiter, a bistro that almost becomes Steve's second home, and an attraction that sends Steve swooning as he starts dreaming of a less lonely existence.

Roots Have Grown | 17,280 | AustinB / @cornerficus

Summary: Bucky is a mildly agoraphobic veteran with funds to spare, who becomes enamored with the cute blonde guy in his building. So when Steve mentions needing a roommate to cut down on rent costs, Bucky decides it would be a good idea to volunteer.

Where The Heart Is | 17,579 | attackofthezee (noxlunate) / @attackofthezee

Summary: When Steve gets home from work there’s someone in his apartment. A tall, foreboding, and goddamned metal armed someone.

Catalysis | 21,594 | follow_the_sun / @lasrina

Summary: Ex-soldier Bucky Barnes doesn't have time to think about that skinny blonde guy he met in the hospital. Especially not after the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. shows up on his doorstep and asks him to save the world.

if all my mistakes (led me to you) | 22,755 | bitelikefire (theoleo) / @deimoslunaa

Summary: Sam’s plans are always the worst plans. And now, Steve has to scramble to find a plus one for Peggy’s big day after being spontaneously dumped. Luckily, he doesn’t have to look very far.

Put Walk Among Us On and Turn it Up | 24,799 | essieincinci

Summary: When Bucky was sixteen and drunk for the first time (on schnapps, dear god, not that he ever admits that part) he let his friend’s greaseball older brother talk him into a homemade stab-n-stick that is just… awful. He walks into the shop from the business card late at night, and a little guy in a too-big hoodie and skinny jeans looks up from the counter.

Sweet Serendipity | 26,179 | velleities

Summary: A troubled city-style lumberjack. Sunshine personified in a man. An accidental phone swap. A serendipitous meet-up. Bucky lets out a small scoff. This isn’t the romcom that one looks for, not usually. It is, however, the one that found Steve and Bucky.

Rivers and Roads | 30,555 | AustinB / @cornerficus

Summary: Steve is working undercover for Hydra when he gets an unexpected promotion. To the Winter Soldier Project.

my heart tells me you are lonely, too | 43,212 | FanGirling

Summary: Bucky sinks into the chair. His ass is falling asleep. “So I just have to, what, learn to be more human?” Sam tries to hold back his sigh but Bucky notices it anyway.

It's Just Temporary | 52,615 | perfect_plan

Summary: Bucky Barnes has no idea what he wants to do with his life and is stumbling from one temp job to the next. Hopefully he can keep his new job at Stark Industries for longer than a week...

Master Reclist · Personal Masterlist · Blog Nav.

#stucky #steve/bucky #stucky reclist #reclist #mcu reclist #fanfic reclist

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