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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 1 year

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writing poetry sometimes feels like you gotta cut yourself open to express it idk smear all your organs all over the page and hope somebody else reads something beautiful. is that like divination the way it's expressed in various places and things? I dunno. poetry never slides off your skin like water off a duck's back. it's from within I think. sometimes you have to tear yourself apart to get at the words and sometimes it just wells up from within and gushes out. always from somewhere deep inside. sometimes it's difficult and horrible and painful but the alternative would be worse. sometimes it's from sheer joy that must overflow into words. I think that's beautiful personally. skin splitting from joy. it happens, I think, to us all at some point. or maybe I'm just a creature of extremes. maybe that online test I did because a friend recommended it is true. it said my symptoms were high. I don't know. maybe it is true, maybe it's not. I read a book once where there was a character named Nathan Hill-and-Dale, and while I'm not nearly as extreme as he was portrayed, in my extremes, I know I'm a fairly volatile person. funny, for most people who see me IRL seem to think that I'm fairly calm. nope, I'm a volcano. watch out, even when I'm apparently calm I might blow up one way or the other. one of my residents' family members said today that I was young and bubbly and she was glad to see it because happiness is the prerogative of the young. a part of me wished I told her. I have actively tried to kill myself once; I have come extremely close to the same actions countless times including yesterday; I would sooner hurt myself than others; if I had my own choice I would simply starve. of course I didn't tell her. sometimes I think I'll never get better. at this point I would consider it a very high chance that I will either die by suicide or end up in hospital following an attempt. not now, of course. but despite my fierce love for my course it has stress associated with it and I think that it's very likely that no psych help on earth would fix my mental health enough for that not to be an option mentally in this short time. I think it's possible to recover from all of the things I struggle with. God help me, I hope it is. the real question is whether I will survive long enough to recover from them. and the answer? I know not. I was reminded of a past interaction with the boy today, where he called my name - I turned - his grandfather, a photographer, was waiting to see if he could get a decent photo, for we were at a church conference and he was trying to get photos everywhere. they were laughing. I could not help but laugh. that memory is tainted now, for he would not look at me now, let alone try to pull such a stunt again. I don't blame him. I don't blame anyone for it. I wonder what would happen if I blocked all my friends on discord; who would seek me out? part of me hopes people would, another part hopes they would not. sometimes I just want to be left alone to curl up and die. it would be easier. so much easier than living, and living, and living. I tried writing poetry just now. it felt like trying to cut myself open, I couldn't get the words out. it only made me feel rather wild. I'm desperate for change, for something. something. what is that something? I don't know. did you know I'm a sadist? I would not in a public place express the thoughts that led me to that conclusion. but I am. I wish I wasn't. there's an obvious solution to that. quick, and easy. so easy. too easy. I tried writing poetry, and then instead of writing anything coherent, I wrote this.

#tw suicide #tw suicidal ideation #tw sh #personal #puddleglum hours #tried writing poetry and the very act of trying made me desperately want to harm. i think i'll break my streak today. all the things have #been so bad today. not so much the individual things as they all stack up together. almost the worst most constant dysphoria ive ever #experienced. coincided with eating new stuff which was scary. weighed myself yesterday on dad's recommendation and found out i *believed*#id gained like more than double what i *did*. feel so disgustingly fat and heavy tho why can't i just stop eating. why is everyone #prolonging my existence. serious question. this includes myself. whats the good. im tired but not. and oh so disgusted with myself.#weak. stupid. failing. only a fool talks like this. oh but don't worry im safe. safe enough anyhow. oh look nothing's real that explains #something. but i am safe. aint me as gonna commit suicide today. don't worry about me. im ignorin my friend who's worried about me bc she #has her own struggles. im not gonna ad to them at this point. selfish enough i am already. ive been choking on disgust all day even through #my jubilation over reaching a fourteen day streak. funny i literally don't care now. gonna break it. unless i'm too coward to do otherwise.#i ought. i ought to do other things too. i don't know how long i can keep on going like this. pray for me.

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mars-ipan · 1 year

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honestly i don’t really think any mental illnesses have been like “destigmatized”- not fully at least. i think the stigma has just changed from demonization to “that’s not a real problem get over it god”

#obviously demonization is more Actively Harmful #but to say things like depression and anxiety have been destigmatized is. incorrect i feel #yes we are not treated like we’re evil. which is for sure an improvement #nobody deserves to be treated like they’re evil #but our illnesses are now being dismissed. ‘oh everyone has that’ not like me #‘you’re just being lazy’ i wish that were true #like. ok hold on let me use an example bc i’m worried abt reading comprehension on this website #(not my followers i trust u guys but i act as if every post i make will get popular)#my brother is autistic. i have GAD.#my brother was diagnosed when he was 2. he’s faced a lot of bullying from both kids and adults and it sucks and he didn’t deserve it #because of all that bullying (especially as a kid) he’s rejecting his autism and focusing really hard on being as ‘normal’ as possible #i was diagnosed last year at 17. i’ve been having these issues my whole life (my mom and i both saw it) but my issues were dismissed #by all the other adults around me (save for family) because i wasn’t visibly struggling and i was doing well in school #it made me doubt my convictions for a long time. what if i’m wrong?#as such i didn’t seek a diagnosis for a long time until my anxiety had gotten to a point where i knew i couldn’t keep ignoring it #now that i have that diagnosis i’m able to wield it as a weapon. my struggles aren’t made up #they’re real. and they always have been. and i can’t just ‘calm down’ like you can. and that needs to be respected #so while i think one is more actively harmful (bullying and harassment lead to self-rejection and loathing)#the other is also harmful- just passively (constantly being dismissed leads to self-doubt and not asking for help)#also why are people angry about the idea of a mental illness being destigmatized?#one group freeing itself from oppression isn’t gonna immediately forget about the groups who helped them get there #if i’m one day able to get perfect accomodations for my anxiety and nobody looks at me like i’m dramatic when i talk about it #i’m not gonna suddenly stop advocating for mental health issues to be normalized #if anything i’ll argue HARDER. you learned to understand me now learn to understand my siblings #learn to understand those with bpd. with psychosis. the sociopaths. the narcissists. the systems #i’m not gonna act like i have it worse than people who are heavily stigmatized. i’m not gonna get attacked for stuttering at mcdonalds #but that doesn’t mean i have /no/ problems and it doesn’t mean i think i’m better than anyone else #i don’t get why people fight each other about this. it’s a good thing so long as we remember where we came from

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dimiclaudeblaigan · 1 year

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E*elstans get a life challenge.

Yeah. :/ No idea how people can spend so much time enjoying getting involved with things that have nothing to do with them and being so hateful toward other people. Even if I can understand being angry about people tagging hate in pro tags, it's another thing entirely when they seek out totally unrelated content and make it about something it's not. My post wasn't even tagged which means that person just searched out keywords that the non-tagging system will pick up (and also replied with nothing to do with the post and made up a scenario about the point of the post, then tried to attack me for uwu hating their ship uwu, except I don’t hate that ship so welcome to talking out of your ass about a person you literally don’t know a thing about).

Like, honestly people, get a job or something because you evidently have too much time and spare energy. e.e

I'm baffled we even have people like that in the world. I shouldn't be surprised after I've been part of the Naruto and AoT fandoms in my time on Tumblr, but ngl I'd actually genuinely tell you I think the stans in the Houses fandom are actually worse than both of those fandoms' problems combined. The stans here have been some of the worst people I've seen in my entire life.

I can't even say "maybe they're mostly teenagers" because even as a teenager basically all the people around me knew better. Bullying pretty much stopped when I was in high school. You know how kids bully other kids in grade and middle school if you have those types of schools in your area (1-5 or 1-6 is grade school in my area, and 6-8 or 7-8 is middle)? Like, when I was in high school nobody did that shit anymore. Nobody cared anyone. Either my high school was relatively tame or people in that age group just don't care anymore, but I've been to two high schools and nobody did the shit these people do (and the youngest of them probably don't want to embarrass themselves in front of 17-18 year olds tbh).

Even then though I can't fathom how people can be so malicious, and over such stupid shit. These people aim to get random people they've never met off social media through bullying and by totally destroying them. I mean really, what the fuck. No idea how can anyone grow into being such a disgusting person. :/

Really sucks because I love Houses but it's infamous now because of those exact people.

#DCB Ask #like no really what kind of person do you have to be to behave like they do #I feel bad for actual fans of the character who don't act like that bc it's the stans who are LOUD #and it makes it seem like the entire character fanbase behaves that way when they don't #and bc of them people are cautious toward any fan of the character #I've met fans of the character who are actually AFRAID to admit they're a fan #bc they expect to be lumped in with the stans and seen as someone who behaves like they do #I think the fact that those people are genuinely concerned abt being seen that way #is a pretty legit and serious thing bc there are people who scared to be seen as a bully when they're not #simply bc they like a character whose stans aim to harm others #honestly the shit the stans do is a borderline crime too if not actually a crime #bc yes cyberbullying has its lines and there's a point when it becomes stalking and overly harmful #I'm just baffled how people can even become like this and think it's okay to do this shit #they also seem to have very extreme problems with telling the difference between fiction and reality #bc they really do act like there's a real war between the character fandoms #and like they have to defend their waifu so she can win her war and kill us all and make uwu change #except her change is not going to help anyone in the real world so idk wtf they're attacking people for

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betawooper · 2 years

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man ch 98 is gonna definitely be an emotional rollercoaster

#gonna talk about sui in the tags btw so dont look if thats a sensitive topic #but i dont think its too clear what exactly tanjirou would have done had nezuko actually died at any point in the journey #one of his two main goals was to cure her with the other being defeating muzan but #this chapter + the one dream chapter in rehab arc + mugen train (just all of it)#makes it so clear how much more importance he placed the first one over the second is #with him literally trying to and even successfully killing himself once nezuko was gone #its a bit different in this chapter because at this point he is so traumatized by his nightmares that he thinks nezuko burning in the sun #was just another nightmare or a test that he needed to pass through the act of seppuku #but its a strong established aspect that he can and will give up if the last person that represented his innocent past disappears #the person that stops him from fatally hurting himself is said person which could be seen as both a good and a very concerning thing #bc hey we still have our main protagonist #but the fact that he relies so heavily on the wellbeing of someone else to inform his own is just not a healthy way to #deal with that shit + the other person will begin to feel the pressure of this and not know how to deal with the discomfort #this is something he does realize by the end of ch 100 (ideally) but instead of detaching himself from nezuko and focusing #on himself he just flies to the complete opposite end of the spectrum and hates himself even more #and forces himself not to rely on anybody even if they see that hes struggling and offer help #like buddy #throwing yourself into training to the point of passing out is just another form of self harm #yelling at zenitsu for wanting you to eat food is not it #arguing with giyuu who wants you to sleep for more than 4 fucking hours is not it #refusing to talk to nezuko or even see her is not it #and like #i love how this complete 180 in his philosophy is informed through him learning about the prophecy in ch 100 #even if kagaya didnt mean to influence tanjirou that way the end result was that tanjirou still believes #he is the one whos supposed to save everyone through killing muzan #that hes yoriichi's successor and he think he has to take on this burden alone #he cant afford to rely on others #he cant afford to be weak and vulnerable #and thats where he rapidly starts tumbling towards his low point #kny plot rewrite

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clanwarrior-tumbly · 4 months

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can i get a scarlet/violet gang x ghost trainer reader who lets their ghost types possess them for pranks ?

This took a minute to think about until mochi mayhem dropped--then I got ideas haha

...........

During the events of Mochi Mayhem...you seemed remarkably unfazed by Pecharunt's "curse" spreading throughout the village, finding it more amusing than frightening.

And it's because you were no stranger to being possessed yourself.

Your first experience occurred after a Spiritomb's soul got separated and found you as a temporary host while you were exploring some ruins in Paldea (with your poor Fuecoco at the time being terrified for you).

Fortunately it wasn't an aggressive one, just a scared lonely spirit that was piloting your body around until it was reunited with the other 107 souls of that Spiritomb....which turned out to be a shiny!

In a show of gratitude, it decided to join your team--and soon you found your true calling as a ghost type trainer.

So you've picked up other ghosts throughout your journeys in Paldea, Kitakami, and BB Academy.

At some point you trusted your main team enough to allow them to possess your body.

Initially, they only did if they believed it was necessary (ie saving you from a fall or sudden Pokémon attack).

But then you decide to let them do so for pranks and such--mainly reserving those for whoever bothered your friends, while other times your friends are the hapless victims.

Exhibit A: When a BB Academy student is harassing Kieran over how he used to act, you see him getting upset and have one of your Shiny Spiritomb's souls possess you, enabling you to creep up and stare at the bully--all behind his back without him ever noticing you.

He's confused when they suddenly look terrified and run away....and then he slowly turns around, screaming a bit upon seeing your face in the likeness of a Spiritomb (like in that one episode of Journeys where Ash gets possessed by one).

You feel bad, especially after the soul leaves your body, and you promise that you'll never do that again.

Although he is grateful you saved him from that intense moment.

Exhibit B: You're hanging out with Penny at your house, watching her play some horror game on your console.

Your Gengar gets the mischievous idea to turn the lights off and possess you, creating a creepy atmosphere all around the house, making your friend paranoid of whether the sounds were coming from the game or elsewhere.

In hindsight, it sounds hilarious..but you forgot Penny doesn't fw horror movie tropes like that.

As she commands Umbreon to attack you out of pure instinct-

Only to see you and Gengar get forcibly separated and hit the ground hard.

Knock Off was no joke.

She apologizes but is a bit annoyed bc she couldn't save her progress thanks to your "prank".

Exhibit C: While Arven is giving Nemona, Penny, Kieran, and Carmine lessons on the art of sandwich crafting, you stroll over with some purple mochi, offering it as a dessert.

Obviously they decline, seeing Pecharunt literally hovering beside you and wondering if you already forgot what happened.....and are horrified when you shrug and eat one, your eyes turning purple.

Yet before anyone can fully freak out, you just laugh and start talking normally.

To make a long story short, you and the mythical 'mon came to an agreement that you'll eat the mochi it provides as long as it doesn't make you do anything harmful (like battling) or anything ridiculous (like dancing and saying "mochi" nonstop) while possessing you.

It's still mischievous at heart, of course. You'll allow it to have a little bit of fun considering its troubling past.

Exhibit D: Your Skeledirge was the first 'mon you used the Synchro Machine on after arriving to BB Academy, walking around and battling wild Pokémon in the terarium for a few good hours.

This "reverse possession", however, left some adverse effects on you even after desynchronizing...as for several days you developed a habit for singing, could taste smoke in your breath, and even your partner's little fire bird companion decided that it wanted to nestle atop your head.

You realize what a funny prank this could be.

So you pull up to the cafeteria to the "date" Drayton invited you to and freak out the rest of the Elite Four (except for Crispin who immediately realizes you own a Skeledirge and thinks you're awesome).

That also makes for a rather...awkward reunion with Kieran who thinks you've seriously gone off the deep end, and you drop the act right away.

But he's too caught up in the idea of battling you and winning to care about why tf you're possessed rn.

#clanask #anonymous #pokemon x reader #pokemon sv x reader #pokemon scarlet x reader #pokemon violet x reader #pokemon arven #pokemon penny #pokemon kieran #pokemon nemona #pokemon carmine #spiritomb #pecharunt #gengar #skeledirge #headcanons

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thedisablednaturalist · 8 months

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If you are someone who hates bugs and kills them on sight (except for those that can actually cause considerable harm) please..just..take a second...think before you act. Does that bug need to die? Are you killing it just to feel better?

Yes, phobias are real. I have arachnophobia. And it's taken a long time for me to get to the point I'm at now where i can hold jumping spiders and be sort of near wolf spiders. I still struggle but to be in a field where you're outside a lot, you have to get comfortable with spiders sometimes crawling on you.

The first step is respect. You don't have to like or enjoy bugs. But you need to respect what their role is in the environment. To make it easier, think of animals you DO like and learn about their relationship with bugs. You really like birds? Well guess what a ton of birds eat. Even birds that don't directly eat bugs may eat things that do (ya know the whole food web thing). Bugs also may positively impact their environment through nutrient cycling, eating other, more destructive bugs, eating harmful molds, bacteria, or fungi, pollination, etc.

I used to be skeeved out by a lot of bugs, particularly bug larvae. Guess what I'm studying right now? Invertebrates are so interesting once you get past the initial discomfort.

Many of us believe invertebrates = gross/scary. This needs to stop. Invertebrates are going extinct so fast and because everyone hates them we don't have enough research to even know how many we are losing. Pesticides/herbicides have completely wiped out a significant portion of the invertebrate population, and that's along with other things like pollution, ocean acidification, invasive species, etc.

We are losing spiders. We are losing centipedes. We are losing tiny flies. We are losing worms and beetles and bees and wasps. We are losing butterflies and fireflies. Some invertebrate species only exist in one small pond or cave. Some have never actually been seen and some have only been seen once. And its affecting all of us. Fish are disappearing from streams because there's nothing to eat. Amphibians are disappearing because there's nothing to eat (and bc of chytrid fungus). Bats are disappearing because there's nothing to eat (and bc of white nose syndrome). Pangolins, axolotls, red pandas, armadillos, woodpeckers, monkeys, salamanders, these all have diets that are either partially or only fulfilled by bugs.

I go outside in the summer, and don't even have to use bug spray anymore. I remember getting chased by swarms of nats and mosquitos. Nights glittering with hundreds of fireflies. Now I only worry about mosquitos in the spring by the water. Even then I have maybe 5 bites at most, when before I used to be covered in bites from being outside. Before I was born, windshields used to be COVERED in bugs when you went down the highway.

Please, you don't have to like them, but please make an effort to change your initial reaction. They are earthlings just like us. They don't deserve to die because they aren't cute. We need more funding and research. They are getting wiped out and people think that's a fucking good thing. Stop using bug zappers. Try using bug repellent that doesn't have DEET in it (only use it if absolutely necessary), take the bug out in a cup and piece of paper, use methods other than pesticides to get pests out of your garden. Yes sometimes you need to kill a tick or get the termites or ants out of your house. Sometimes a venomous spider gets in your house and it's not safe to handle them. Sometimes they are killing your plants and you need to get rid of them. But a harmless millipede who's one defense is to literally curl into a little spiral and is completely harmless? Does it really have to die?

#bugs #bugblr #insects #invertebrates #spiders #worms #im at work currently so i dont have time for sources

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thewriterg · 7 months

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why do i cry?

A/n; more headcanons because yay… ermmm plz don’t think that just bc Simon is white this isn’t poc reader friendly coming from a black reader and writer —angstober day;19—

warning(s); dad!simon x daughter!reader, description of self harm, scars, mention of family issues, and language

dad simon! who rushes you into his flat when he looks at your form standing in front of him taking his hand from the waistband of his sweatpants that secured his hand gun to his hip pulling you into chest worrying over your unscathed body as far as the eye reacted questions falling from his tongue quicker than he could catch “what you doing ‘ere sweet girl” he muttered the plain balaclava that rested on his face now gone

dad simon! who’s dead cold heart beats a little quicker when he sees you trying to stop tears from slipping down and flooding your face before he takes your bag sitting it against the arm of his older than age couch before lifting your form into his experienced arms walking you to his bedroom that was almost empty except for essentials like most of the place

dad simon! who cuddles you his body acting as a space heater to regulate your cooling temps rubbing a hand up and down you back his ears perking up when you whispered barley audible to him but he heard nonetheless “can I live with you?” the blonde squeezed his eyes shut in response before resting a kiss to your forehead “your alright you can stay”

dad simon! Who watches you sleep from his door frame curled up while his duvets swallowed you whole shutting the door with a gentle ‘click’ pulling his phone from his pocket scrolling through his contact until he got to your mothers number typing on it as you leaned against is island counter rubbing a hand through his hair the usual cool and collected demeanor he carried no longer around when it came to you, when it came to his world.

dad simon! Who watches you wither away the next days your with him he could see the battle of depression you were in he’d been there himself too many times to count and hated that you had to experience it the little no appetite, no energy to take care of yourself which he had no problem doing for you, when you wake up on time but lay in bed until your late.

dad simon! Who at one point bulldozed you out of bed a soft threat of force feeding you falling from his lips he hate it got to that point he felt like he sounded like his father… no he said it because he cared about your wellbeing not because you were ‘waisting food he put on the table’

dad simon! who calls out to you when you finally finish a decent portion of your meal stopping you in your tracks your hand resting on your his bedroom door while he motions for you to take a seat with on the couch and you do reluctantly sitting across from him your knee bouncing anxiously and reaches to set his palm on it stopping your fidgeting

dad simon! “what’s going on baby girl? You have to tell me what’s the matter so I can help” you can tell he’s trying to soften his voice even if it is still has that gruff underlying tone but he’s trying and you feel even more guilty for intruding now your throat beginning to close up before putting your hands on your face and you can hear his footsteps expecting the couch to dip under another weight but it had never happened until you felt another palm on the back of yours

dad simon! who frowns as you sob out a “don’t be mad” and even after he reassures you your still not a hundred percent making him swear and promise over everything under the sun and he balances trying not to rush you but also urging you on “I do this thing… where I hurt myself” You sniffle and Simon’s world is crashing down onto him he feels his mouth open to speak he closes it wets his lips with his tongue before opening it again and he stumbles over his words before taking a breath and continuing “what do you mean you hurt yourself? Hurt yourself how?”

dad simon! Who watches you shuffle above him meeting his eyes quickly looking away like a scared animal in the wild before you pulled out a lighter one he recognized from his night stand with a skull on the the front its jaw looked as if it was cracked agape when you opened the lid and Simon struggles not to choke

dad simon! “And I burn sometimes, I’m- I’m sorry dad, I’m so sorry” The blonde holds you into his chest and rocks you gently tears falling down his face that he tried to squeeze away the pain worse than any bullet to his chest or hunters knife to his spleen

dad simon! “It’s okay, it’s alright love, im very proud of you for telling me” he whispered into you hair kissing the crown of your head crying until the sun rises

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hungerofhadarr · 19 days

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Okay my turn for a toshiro and laios post . I have not watched the anime but I have read the whole manga and . Um . I think some of you just dislike toshiro for straight up made up reasons . Especially when you give the story time to … you know . Progress and Tell a Story ? Both of these characters are mourning the loss of falin and . You know . The whole Dark Magic thing ? This whole meeting is already full of grief and nerves and a situation that could have been resolved better … if not in the current circumstances . toshiro is not evil for snapping at laios and explaining his grievances just like laios is allowed to feel hurt over being told someone he had thought was a close friend actually did not like him but only liked his sister. This is not a complex thing

While I will Not go further into the story bc of the spoilers , it is extremely fucking Insane how everyone is seemingly ready to write off toshiro for .. a reaction made in grief and anger . Also ignoring his upbringing and the society he is used to + the fact that laios may have not meant any harm , but to constantly bombard the man with questions about “ back home “ etc etc .. yeah he is going to snap LMAO ? Trying so hard to not say it but some of this hate feels extremely … like the extreme hate for an explicitly Japanese character in media bc they do not act the correct way to you …. Look Inwards ?

Also oh my god can characters have conflicts they both get to grow from . Please . This fight was not to choose a side and stick with it . This was to show you the way these people interact and currently understand how things Are . And how they are at an extreme odds with each other . Both of them have valid reactions and they both have stepped over the line ! That is the POINT !!! PLEASE GIVE TOSHIRO ROOM TO GROWN AND DON’ T ACT LIKE LAIOS DOESN’ T NEED TO GROW TOO

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #dunmeshi #laios touden #toshiro nakamoto #toshiro dungeon meshi #laios dungeon meshi #please guys for the love of GOD

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an-inspired-eternity · 1 month

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breaks into your inbox

hi, please, sell me on akirui, tell me all about them please. ive been thinking about them after the devil’s manner april fools thing and i just need to hear someone go insane about it i think

uh, yeah!! :]

HELLO. OUGH OUGH OUGH WHERE DO I BEGIN.

first of all the "like oil and water" trust rank title (that ensekai butchered but what doesnt ensekai butcher involving queer ppl lbr)

okay first of all i just think the premise of where their dynamic starts is so funny bc they r so >:3 >:| core and i love that for them.

BUT. goes under the cut bc i have thoughts and feelings

the thing i LOOOVE tapping into with akirui (and akikasa/akiruikasa) as well is that for all akito bitches and moans hes more like rui (and tsukasa) then he insists he isnt.

i made another post before about akito and tsukasa both push themselves beyond their health limits for their dreams (and as well in my fic 'the balsam, fallen silent' it comes up that tsukasa's stunt in phoenix pissed akito off BECAUSE of how much it reminded him of himself with what happened in sbd)

with rui you have to read between the lines a bit more but there's a big deal made of how they're both very passionate about what they create and making what they create the best they can be

similarly to the phoenix/sbd stuff, rui does also push himself in a different but similar way, as seen in darkfes, where akito chastises him for downplaying his injury and to let people help him for the sake of putting on the best show possible.

you could argue there's a point of comparison to be made about how much they mask. akito with his polite front he uses around people he doesn't know, and rui reigning himself in at best or acting completely detached from what hurts him at worst. there's an excerpt from a fic i really like that summarizes rui's state well i think:

(taken from 'summer heat' by cepheide, a very good, 10/10 recommended akirui read from me)

and also as well as of the most recent event, we have rui asking akito who does and doesn't know about the latter's fear of dogs because he's trying to be delicate and careful regarding discussion of what is described to be trauma for akito, and akito is shown to be surprised and very touched by this act.

i don't think akito ever truly fully hated tsukasa or rui, but in the case of rui you can really see how much akito grows to tolerate and enjoy his company, to the point he can enjoy himself in rui's presence so long as rui doesn't try to treat him like tsukasa (ie: the situations)

also if i can ever finish the wip i have w/ them. the topic does come of shinei being a shithead, and i don't think we talk enough about how of the times we've seen rui genuinely pissed off and ready to throwdown it was about someone harming (emotionally or otherwise) a person he cares about. rui would hear about shinei and experience a rage unlike anything he's experienced since the scuffles with shosuke emus brothers. ive said this before but if akitoya is "lets run away together and we can escape everything and everyone thats ever hurt us", akirui is "you can run to me, i'll protect you. i won't let anyone hurt you ever again"

#answers #project sekai #akito shinonome #rui kamishiro #akirui

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helluva-shit-show · 8 months

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So I was re-watching "Oops" grabbing some screenshots for a different rant when it occurred to me, damn, Striker really should not have been in this episode. I know it's not a hot-take, lots of ppl have said this already, but I mean even for the way the writers want the show to go, right down to tone, they really botched an opportunity. I'll let someone else talk about how Striker working with Crimson makes both antagonists so much less intimidating, right now I'm just gonna focus on the narrative so far, and unfortunately for a lot of critics of the main ship it's pushing, this will have a lot to do with Stolitz.

So when we first meet Striker, it's in "The Harvest Moon Festival". The episode starts with Stolas inviting Blitz and the gang to be his royal guests at said festival. Blitz makes him promise it's neither murder work nor a sex thing and Stolas agrees. This is (to the audience's knowledge) the first time Stolas has invited Blitz out to be seen together publicly without any strings attached. He's not being bought, he's not acting as a bodyguard, and he's not expected to bang anyone at the end of the day.

Blitz meets Striker, Striker boosts up Blitz's ego immediately, they enter the pain games together, split the win, have a general good time, and at some point off screen, Blitz offers Striker a job at I.M.P.

And then Blitz catches Striker trying to kill Stolas. He's pissed, but not as pissed as he gets when Striker almost causes him to shoot Moxxie.

Blitz bites the man and puts a hole through the wall during the fight. They really go at it, it's a pretty intense fight, and you can really feel the rage in Blitz during it.

Putting a pin in Stiker for a minute, let's skip to the next episode, "Truth Seekers" we get a peek into Blitz's headspace surrounding Stolas. He feels chained to Stolas, but through his expressions during the staircase climb, it feels like he wants it to be more than just transactional. Well, at the least, hopes it can be more. Stolas swoops in at the end of the episode and (not without belittling Blitz verbally) saves Blitz and the people he most cares about. And then Stolas asks for a "reward". This 100% highlights Blitz's torn feelings. Does he let himself believe the care is real, or is it just for sex at the end? Well...

He got his answer didn't he? Stolas doesn't stand up to Ozzie for him. He doesn't make a clear statement that Blitz is more than just a cheap lay. And that hurts.

At the end of the night Blitz can barely get the words out to set a boundary for himself.

The next time we see these two interact is in "Seeing Stars". Do we get to see the resolve of the night at Ozzie's? Nope. But something has clearly changed since then, bc not only does Blitz show genuine concern for Stolas and try to reassure him, at one point, briefly, he's even receptive to Stolas's flirting again.

Two episodes later, Striker is back. Blitz very much so has complicated feelings surrounding Stolas at this point, but he shows not just concern, but both fear and rage again at the thought of Striker harming Stolas.

One could definitely argue at this point that this is about his means to continue his business and source of income and that of his employees, but there is something to be said about him almost cancelling Loona's doctor appointment to go save the rotten owl. Loona is always Blitz's first priority, and though a single vaccine might seem small in comparison to a life, if it really took five years for an appointment, that could be his daughter's life as well, assuming "hellbies" is just rabies but it's in hell. He thought about it. He was ready to turn the car around when Millie and Moxxie stepped in.

And even though Striker got majorly character assassinated in the episode, he tore up Stolas really bad. Him and his angelic weapons do carry real stakes with them, however much they want to make him a joke character. (Again, such a waste of potential)

With the narrative we know the writers are going with, Blitz does care about Stolas. The realization he can get hurt is probably shocking and terrifying to Blitz. He'd probably both be angry with himself for not going, but getting to the original point, he'd probably be furious at Striker.

Now I know Helluva has a huge tone issue. Is it a comedy? A lot of the time, yeah. Is it a drama? There's definitely drama in it. Romance? Highly debatable. Horror? I mean, it does take place in literal hell, so. Action? It's mixed in there too.

Personally though, I would like to think that the next time Blitz saw Striker, he'd tear him to shreds. I'd think the tone would be on the more serious side. He's hurt Millie and Moxxie very badly in Harvest Moon, he's hurt Stolas to the point he was hospitalized, that's three of the four people Blitz is currently close with. Narratively speaking, Striker could easily be Blitz's main external antagonist. It works both from a more action based tone, but also if you want to push Stolitz, which we know they do. And yet...

He's just an irritation for Blitz.

He didn't need to be there, it could have just been Crimson and his sharks. Would it have felt weird having him be a stand alone villain again just 3 episodes after he was first introduced, sure. But not any weirder than Stella's personal hitman looking for work in Greed and just happening to find it with said Mafia boss.

I know this was a Blitz/Fizz episode, I get that, I'm not complaining about that, hell, it literally could have been just them figuring their shit out together. But that just makes it even more glaring that Striker shouldn't have been there. This wasn't about him, this wasn't for him.

He's cowboy themed, right? And he's given Blitz plenty of reason to beat the absolute shit out of him? After hurting Stolas like that, (narratively speaking) his next showdown with Blitz should have been some high noon duel shit. Blitz rocked the vest in Harvest Moon, just give him the duel revolvers and start counting steps.

#helluva boss critical #helluva boss #helluva boss blitz #blitzø #striker #helluva striker #helluva boss critique #stolas #helluva stolas #Stolitz #helluva stolitz #helluva stella #helluva crimson #crimson knolastname

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xdeadxxeyes · 3 months

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Regressed Vox HCs!

(Actually had a lot more than I expected oops)

⚓️ Rarely ever regresses. Avoids it at all costs if he can but it always comes back cause bottling things up makes it worse! (he does not learn)

⚓️ Due to all the stress and pressure of being the main Vee in charge as well as having a literal monopoly over the TV industry he tends to regress really really tiny like he’s just a lil guy, if he were to guess he’d say he age regresses from 4-8 years old but it’s more likely 2-6 (tell him he’s a big boy regardless it makes him happy)

⚓️ If Vox can feel himself regressing he’ll quietly get to the most isolated area possible as quick as possible - he rather keep his regression private

⚓️ Complete 180 with how he normally acts. He’s quieter and more reserved like bro does not speak at all and keeps his distance

…Until he starts coming out of his shell that is!!

⚓️ When Vox is out of his shell and with somebody he’s comfortable with (Velvette probably), he is a rambler, a yapper even.

⚓️ He can barely talk however 😭 just babbling and stuttering and tripping over his words - he had so many speech impediments as a kid and that just comes right back to hit him in the face

⚓️ He does not care however and believes he is perfectly understandable!

⚓️ Sharks on the mind, drawing sail boats, knows a ton about marine life - idk if anybody else gets this vibe from him but I feel like his hometown would’ve been a small coastal village near a big city

⚓️ Favorite candy HAS to be those shark shaped gummies

⚓️ Has a lil sailor hat he likes to wear instead of his top hat :>

⚓️ Makes little hums, buzzes, and trills sounds similar to a TV or computer as a way to stim

⚓️ Doesn’t really understand know how to ask for something he struggles with communicating… so he bites! Hungry? Bite. Thirsty? Biting. Wanting attention? Your fingers are gone!

⚓️ Will also just… stare. His big ol eyes are constantly staring at his caregiver (similar to the random little kid who stares at you at a restaurant like you own them money) mostly does this cause he’s curious but also cause he just loves his caregiver C:

⚓️ Will shock himself for fun (it doesn’t harm him 80% of the time and he thinks it’s funny)

(Do not let him go near any outlets he’s gonna cause a power outage on purpose)

⚓️ Very very tantrum prone. Cries when he’s angry and when he’s sad and it doesn’t take a lot to push him over the edge. Will not understand why his favorite stuffed animal has to be taken away to be cleaned it’s the most excruciating 10 minutes of his life

⚓️ But sometimes he’ll just have bursts of pent up rage coming out randomly (from bottling it up) where he’s just screaming and crying and also doesn’t understand why :< feels really ashamed about it later so he needs constant reassurance that it’s okay to feel angry

⚓️ Being so fr we all know Vox is a lil pathetic so when he regresses that translates to a ball of nerves. He is sensitive and if left alone with his thoughts for too long he’s gonna start bawling. However he also cries when being told something like “I’m so proud of you!” “I love you” “Good boy!” He starts crying bc he’s not used to genuine affection, like he’s happy but malfunctioning at the same time

⚓️ Ironically, Vox doesn’t like using (modern) technology too much when regressed. He is easily overstimulated by flashing screens and loud sounds to the point where he has to turn his own brightness settings lower 😭

⚓️ occasionally he’ll play a video game but not really cause he’s either messing around on MS paint or playing snake on a Nokia phone (he likes chewing on Nokias)

⚓️ Vox is honestly a huge hypocrite lol, he’s all for modernization but he keeps a 1950s model TV in all its black-and-white glory specifically for when he age regressed cause of nostalgia.

⚓️ He has old VHS tapes of a show called “Lassie” that was really popular in the 50s (For anybody curious it was a live-action show about a Border Collie named Lassie who’d go on various adventures and save people from danger its a rlly wholesome show <3) Vox also loves Huckleberry Hound! Yet another example of blue cartoon dogs being loved no matter what generation they’re in!

⚓️ Loves being read to, easiest way to soothe Vox is by telling him a story - he’ll remember every single detail and repeat it to his caregiver later with much enthusiasm

⚓️ The original Charlie Brown comic strips are also one of Vox’s favorites, he likes how warm the art style feels and of course - who doesn’t love Snoopy!

(Vox might just be a dog and shark person idk)

⚓️ Vox loves eating Legos! They’re very crunchy colorful! :3

⚓️ Always needs teethers/pacifiers for reasons stated above

⚓️ When Vox gets tiny he’ll try to handle it himself for as long as he can but if he can’t he’ll begrudgingly go to Velvette. Or she’ll go to him Vox is ridiculously stubborn

⚓️ Velvette. Ohmfydo she’s freaking OUT/pos

⚓️ She regresses way more often than Vox does and Vox is always insisting to care for her. So when she sees him regressed it’s always a treat! Girl is gonna be doting on him the same way he dotes on her

⚓️ Vox is clinging to her. CLINGING to her. As soon as she sits down he’s on her lap or he’ll be constantly following her and holding her hand

⚓️ Vox when he’s little tends to be more, feminine(?) Gender is gendering he lowkey has some internalized issues with gender expression (pls bare with him 😭) but when he’s little (and with Velvette encouraging him ofc) he likes wearing those long flowy night gowns c: they’re just more comfortable than pants or shorts to him! Not that he doesn’t love wearing suits and bow ties - he is a distinguished gentleman even when little

⚓️ Vox is not a girly girl but he does love playing dress up or having tea parties… he will get shy and feel ashamed about liking those things cause “he’s supposed to like boy things” that kind of mindset gets shut down quickly by Velvette once she gives him the reassurances he needs (GENDER AFFIRMATION BEAM GO!!)

⚓️ Velvette has given him so many nicknames. Of course love, darling, and sweetheart being commonly used. But also nicknames like little prince or little inventor. The one that Velvette uses most often and makes Vox the most giddy is probably pup. Cause pup is what baby sharks are called! He is just a silly baby shark <3

These have been floating in my head for weeks now ahdbfbsjfnnd I need to share them before I spontaneously combusted

I am so. Soft for little Vox way more than I originally thought he’s mostly a caregiver in my book but he’s adorable a little <3

- 🔮

OK HEAR ME OUT I PERSONALLY SEE VOX AS A CAREGIVER

but bc of these hcs

I see him as a flip (cg lean)!!

these were amazing I approve

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lucaaazd · 2 months

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My Roman Empire is the fact that people often subconsciously judge a woman by her worst moment and a man by his best. And when you point that out to people they go, “you just making excuses cuz she’s a woman.” Like no … you’re the one saying omg he’s such a good man bc he showed ✨ tremendous guilt ✨ for all the fucked up manipulative shit he’s done but the woman is a heartless psycho even though she’d actively saved people, spared people’s lives, resisted when she was asked to put people in harms’ way, was forced to do all the dirty work for her male comrade who was busy having fun with his victims and pretending to be their friends. She was the one who called Reiner out after he said he wouldn’t blink an eye to kill everyone in 104th cadet bc they’re all devils anyways… she was like “I thought they were ur friends? sorry but you’re disgusting”. And yet SHE’s the psycho?

“BUT - but she said she’s do it all over again”wayyy to take a line out of context lmao it’s almost like she also admitted she has committed irredeemable crimes all to see her dad again. Remorse and regret are two very different things … just bc someone hasn’t tried to unal1ve themselves doesn’t mean they feel no remorse. Annie was crying every time after she had to hurt the people she’d grown to care abt, like w Marco, after her two failed missions, etc. Also not to mention the recurring Marco nightmares. If she was a man y’all would eat this shi up. “Poor Anthony … he just wanted to see his dad. He deserved so much better :(( “

Annie’s numerous acts of kindness and compassion towards others, which can be found throughout the whole show and the OVA’s, are conveniently ignored by those who find it easier to dehumanize her and undermine the complexity of her character. Reiner too is a victim of his circumstances and did redeem himself in my opinion, but it’s the double standards that always get me. The point of the story is that EVERYONE suffers as a result of the cycle of violence. It’s not “this character did no wrong, that character’s the worst”, it’s “most of us end up becoming perpetuators AND victims because of the system”.

Ok end of essay

#shingeki no kyojin #snk #attack on titan #annie leonhart #reiner braun #misogny

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

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AITA for sleeping with my friend’s crush?

a couple days ago my friends and i had a sleepover at my friend’s (we’ll call her A, 18F) aunt’s house. A invited us (me (18F), L (18M), R (19M), and B (18M)) as well as her other friend, H (18F), and H’s brother D (19M). L has had a crush on H for a while now, but he’s only ever referred to her as “record store girl”, so we didn’t know it was her until we all arrived and he started acting weird.

in the middle of the night (probably like 2am or so, idk), H woke me up and asked if she could sleep next to me since she felt nervous. i was half asleep, didnt think about it too hard, and said yes. the next morning, when we all woke up, L was gone from the room we were sleeping in.

we spent a couple minutes looking for L, then he came barging out of some room down the hall with all of his stuff packed. i asked him what he was doing and he said he was leaving because he saw me with H. i told him nothing happened and he said it wasn’t about that, he knew nothing happened, it was that i knew he had feelings for her and still got close with her. at this point H apologized, saying she didn’t know he felt that way, but i told L that H was just another girl in the long list of girls he’s crushed on but never did anything about anyways.

at this point L got really upset. for context, the previous night, we had gotten into an argument because i said god didn’t exist or care about humanity at all given the horrors of the world rn and then L told me he was a christian. i had gotten upset bc i couldn’t believe he could uphold something as harmful as religion, but then after we cooled down a bit we talked it out and he told me he liked the feeling of not being alone that religion brings for him. i had apologized and told him that he’s not alone regardless, because he has me and our other friends, we hugged it out, and i thought that would be the end of it.

well, L brought that back up, saying that i didn’t respect his feelings or his religion, and i clearly don’t want him there. i tried telling him that he couldn’t just leave and he should stop being so immature, but he was insistent, so i got out of his way and unlocked the front door for him.

it’s been a couple days and we haven’t really talked. R says i should just apologize to him again so we can all be friends but i think L needs to grow up and realize that he can’t just sit around pining and praying and expecting it to get him anywhere.

also, if this is relevant at all, i am a girl who likes girls. i’m not going to go into the details of my relationship with christianity, but for me, believing in god has done more harm than good. i do respect L’s life choices and i can see where he’s coming from but i’m never going to be involved with religion again.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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issacballsac · 9 months

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“Attempting to be Friends with Vergil Sparda„

Honestly he’d never outright call you his friend💀 ! Gn Demon Reader

Origins | DMC3

Let’s be FR he wouldn’t care abt your gender or lack there of he still sees you as lesser than

You’d have to be a Devil or half Devil to even linger around him

Im seeing you just come from Hell to be friends with him🦀

Naturally like any of the devils in DMC3 u were originally gonna attack Vergil bc NPC does what NPC is supposed to do

But you have common sense a pretty mf with a sword is bad news so let’s be friends dear beautiful one

Bear with me right—all ur demon gang gets slaughtered by this mf and you’re just standing there watching fascinated absolutely entranced by this mf

Seeing as you’re the last obstacle he points that big ass katana at you

“Sorry I just can’t fight someone so beautiful man.”

Gives you the MEANEST side eye

Still tries to HARM you and succeeds—but like you regenerate 💀

Mf would let out the BIGGEST sigh and just walk away🪦

You follow ofc bc who wouldn’t (a mf who wants to live 💀)

Bonding

Me when might controls everything 🫦

Despite being a demon yourself you def would try to convince him to NOT open the portal

Bc lets be FR them other devils ain’t shit for nothin‼️

He constantly looks annoyed and has a mean case of resting bitch face

He’s very stand-offish and depending on how long/well you know each other he’ll listen to what you’re sayin

Especially if ur a person that likes to go on rants

DMC3 he’d be more open to a mf who has no attachments as seen during the scene where he stabbed Arkham

New to friendship and sees everything as a transaction

You give me this and I give you that typa thing

Would take FOREVER to tell you abt his childhood and by the time he does u pretty much already know bc of Dante

Would get along better if ur also half demon rather than full demon as he has a complex where he continuously tries to rid himself of his humanity

Bros on a MISSION so u gotta be able to keep up

Obviously being demon/half demon you got some power but if you’re weak he’s gonna drop you I’m sorry 💀(no I’m not)

Daily

Doesn’t celebrate his birthday

Just in general regardless of his childhood I just don’t think he’d like to

So no surprise parties please🫶

Now don’t get me wrong he IS smart but like also a dumbass💀

Constantly makes you think bc he’ll say smth so stupid but make it sound so smart

A very dramatic mf

Always makes dramatic entrances no matter where he goes

Walks into McDonalds with his blue coat flowing, snowlike hair, glistening eyes, arched eyebrows, and a judgmental look

Baby let ur hair down🫦

Bro is effortlessly breathtaking and if u ask for tips or question what he does for his routine he looks you up and down, scoffs, and leaves💀

I NEED MORE POWER

Spars with you bc luckily you can regenerate

Infinite punching bag

Love a reader with no shame(me acting like I didn’t write this)

Idk why but I feel like he can play the piano as just like a pastime thing

When trapped in Hell u just roam around y’know bc you’ve lived there for as long as you can remember 😭

Vergil is in a constant search for more power and ur just chillin watching him

Like those mfs who still calmly sip on their drinks when there is a bar fight

“Woohoo! Go Vergil you’re doin’ great!”

“Shut up!”

He loves you, I promise.

Talks shit abt Dante, lovingly ofc

After the events of DMC5 if he were to come back with Dante(ambiguous ending)

Y’all would prob live together

And they were roommates 😨

FR tho it’s like weird especially with Nero being recognized as his son

“Nero is my son?”

“You have a son?”

“I didn’t know..”

“How did you not know?”

Becomes more vocal during the friendship during/after the events of DMC5

He doesn’t see the need for an abundance of clothes so if ur into fashion your ideas fill 98% of his wardrobe

Honestly I think he can cook

More of a baker methinks

He probably wouldn’t like sweets but he’ll certainly make them himself

No I’m not going to make a berries delight joke.

#fanfic #fanfiction #platonic headcanons #x male reader #platonic #x gn reader #x reader platonic #x female reader #dmc vergil #dmc devil may cry #dmc x reader #dmc fanfiction #dmc headcanons #dmc #vergil #vergil x reader #vergil x you #Vergil x reader platonic

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randofics · 9 months

Note

Hey i was wondering can you make some smut story with Ironhide he's my bbg and its hurts my soul bcs there is almost nothing about him.

Feel free to refuse and btw i really like your writing keep going you doing amazing. ❤️❤️

This took way longer than I thought it would. I hope it's to your liking, Anon! Gotta give our boy Hide some love.

Ironhide x reader 18+

You were one of Sam's only friends at school. You both were strictly platonic, the two of you expressing your interests in other people rather than each other. That also meant you knew everything about each other. So when he started acting weird around you and his parents, you knew something was up.

One day, he arrived at school in an old 77 camaro. That was the day everything in your life changed for better or for worse.

-------

Meeting the bots had been stressful, to say the least. Optimus was definitely the tallest of the group, but ironhide stood out to you. Being their weapons specialist, he helped modify their cannons and any other weaponry they had.

When you first met him, he'd pointed his cannons in your face. You'd yelped in surprise but quickly retaliated by pulling your own pistol, aiming at one of his eyes.

"You feelin' lucky punk."

"I'll shoot you in the eye. I swear to all that's good and holy."

"Ironhide."

"I'm kidding. I just wanted to show em my cannons."

"Simple weapons etiquette for ya big guy. DON'T AIM AT ANYTHING YOU ARENT GOING TO SHOOT!" You had a fury on your face that somewhat startled him. Evidently, he'd struck a nerve that had been on a hair trigger. You breathed heavily as your heart raced in your chest.

-------

The fight in the city had been extremely frightening for you. At one point, you'd been separated from everyone. You chose to hide amongst the rubble to stay out of their way.

You would've just slowed them down anyway as you had no real role to play in the fight. Essentially, you were just some civilian who knew of the bots and nothing more. Luck, however, wasn't on your side that day.

A deception spotted you, and as you ran from him, he scooped you up in his claws. He held you extremely tight, leaving bruises on your skin. Through the chaos, you spotted the silver and black autobot fighting another decepticon several yards away. You screamed his name as loud as you could, catching his attention.

He dispatched the con with a cannon blast to the face before sprinting towards you. Transforming, he weaved through the debris littered street and used a slab of concrete as a ramp flying into the air and slamming into the cons chest. They lost their grip on you, and you flew through the air.

Closing your eyes, you waited for the impact. In mid-air, he caught you in a servo, rolling across the asphalt and landing on a knee. He transformed around you, and you now sat in his driver's seat.

"Buckle up!" You scrambled for his seatbelt, clicking it into the lock. His tires screech and engine roars as he speeds off down the street. You grip the sides of his leather seat, nails digging into the material.

-------

Afterward, you were exhausted and decided to stay with ironhide for the drive back to base. You were out within minutes of hitting the highway, laying your head against his passenger side window. His holoform was necessary for security reasons, so you'd swapped seats. While you slept, his gaze flitted to you occasionally, keeping watch over you.

You were pretty for a human and definitely a fire cracker when you wanted to be, but he kinda liked that about you. He also felt the urge to protect you from anything that may harm you. Sure, you were tough, but he couldn't help how he felt.

When he rolled over the speed bumps at the base gates, you stirred awake. He could tell you were still tense from the fight with how alert you became, so he tried to calm your nerves a bit. "Hey, we're on friendly grounds now. You're safe with me." You nodded, letting out a tired sigh and trying to relax into his seat.

Pulling into the hangar with the others, he parks next to Bumblebee. Sam and Mikaela step out stretching and yawning. Col. Lennox opened your door, stepping up on the running board. After a quick debriefing from him, he guided you to a small room with a bed for the night in a separate building. Other than the bed, the room was lightly furnished, most likely for the soldiers on base.

After the colonel left, thinking the days events over, you tried to get back to sleep, but something was stopping you. A knock on the door startled you out of your thoughts. Opening it, you were greeted with ironhide's holoform.

"May I come in?" You allow him inside, closing the door behind him. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to check on ya." He awkwardly rubs the back of his neck looking anywhere but at you. You give him a small smile, wrapping him in a hug. "Thank you, Ironhide." He wraps his arms around you, returning the hug. "Having any trouble sleeping?"

"Yeah, a bit." He nods, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "C'mere." You sit beside him, the bed creaking under your weight. His arm wraps around your shoulders, pulling you into his side. "You're safe here. Nothing can get to you, and I won't let anything either." You sigh, closing your eyes and resting your head against his chest. "If you want, I can stay till you fall asleep."

"I'd like that." He stands motioning for you to lay down. Once you're settled in, he slips under the blanket and pulls you against him. Eventually, your breathing slows, and he kisses the top of your head, slipping out of bed and de-materializing from the room.

-------

The next morning, you wake and feel the space next to you for his warm body, but he's no longer there. Sitting up, you whipe your eyes to clear your vision, looking around the sunshine lit room. You get dressed and head to the hangar, expecting to see all the bots parked inside or walking around. Instead, it's just Rachet, Jazz, Sam, and Mikaela with Col. Lennox and some other base staff.

"Where's Ironhide and Optimus?" Jazz kneels down to your level. "They went on morning patrol."

"When will they be back?"

"Probably in another hour." He notices your slight disappointed expression. "Why? You missing Ironhide or something?" His teasing makes you stutter. "I.. I don't know what you're talking about." He let's out a laugh. "Sure you don't."

The little exchange catches Sam's attention, and he walks over to talk to you. "What was that about?" There's a slight blush on your face that he doesn't notice, but Mikaela does. "Oooh, does somebody have a crush?"

"No, I don't!" Your blush darkened at her comment. "Gasp! Did something happen between you two last night?" Sam looks between you both confused. "Am I missing something?"

"I saw Ironhide's holoform outside her door last night, but I never heard him leave." Sam's eyes widen, and a big grin forms on his lips. "Wait did you two...?"

Your whole face turns red as a tomato at his insinuation. "What!? NO!!" He puts his hands up in surrender. "Ok, I believe you."

"So what did you do?" Mikaela is completely invested in your explanation at this point. "He just.. he stayed with me till I fell asleep."

"Aw, that's so sweet of him!" Bee butts into the conversation. "He's in love with you."

"No, he isn't, Bee! He was just being nice, is all." Just then, you hear the familiar rumble of truck engines and the hangar doors open. Jazz hopped off the shipping container he was sitting on to greet them. "Back so soon?"

"It's pretty quiet out right now."

"Indeed, there isn't much activity, nor do I expect any for a while." Ironhide kneels down in front of you. "Did you sleep well?" A bashful blush crosses your face. "Ye-yeah, thank you, Ironhide."

"Please just call me Hide." You shoot him a sweet smile, and he gives you a soft one of his own in return. He transforms again in front of you and pops open his passenger side door. His holoform fizzling into existence in the driver's seat. "There's not much going on right now, so I thought we could take a drive if you wanted?"

Bumblebee interrupted with slightly suggestive music. "Stop that Bumblebee. I'd love to, Hide." You step up I to his cab buckling up. He shuts the door behind you and takes off out the hangar. There's an awkward silence as he leaves the base driving out onto the open road. Eventually, he pipes up to ask you a question. "So what was that about?" You blush, looking away from him.

"They found out about last night." He quirks a brow. "What about it?" You clear your throat. "They thought that we... you know... "

"That we what?"

"You know... had xxx."

"Oh... ahem.. I can see why they would think that. I did stay for a while last night." He grips the wheel tighter, and his leg starts to bounce. You immediately notice his change in demeanor. A burst of courage overcomes you, and you lean over the center console, placing your hand on his jaw as he's trying to watch the road and giving him a peck on his cheek.

"What.. what was that for?" Bashfully, you smile at him. "That's a thank you for saving me yesterday and helping me sleep."

"No need to. It's what I signed up for when I landed on this planet."

"Well, I wanted to." He takes your hand in his, bringing it up to his lips and giving it a few pecks. When he slows and turns onto a forested dirt road, you look at him confused. He parks under a shade tree and turns in his seat to face you. "About what you said earlier. I wouldn't have been opposed to it if you'd asked." His grin has you beet red. "C'mere." He leans over the console just like you had and cups your face in his large hand, pulling you in for a kiss.

It's slow and relaxed, building gradually. You blindly unbuckle the seatbelt to get closer, tangling your fingers in his hair. He pulls away for a moment, his seat sliding back as far as possible and reclining. He pats his lap, beckoning you over.

You clamber over the console and straddle his lap, letting his hands land on your waist, pulling you against him, and your lips connect again.

Your hands snake around his shoulders as your tongue dances with his. He shivers when your nails lightly scratch his scalp. You can feel his fingertips brush the skin of your back as they slip under your shirt. The heat pooling in your abdomen drives your hips to grind down on him, the both of you letting out a pleasured sound.

He tugs your shirt up to slip it over your head with your assistance, eyes admiring the flesh that encompasses your body completely. To him, it's alien. He's so used to hard plates and tough cables that he can only stare at you. "What is it, Hide?"

"I.. I apologize it's just that I'm so used to what my kind looks like that I didn't even consider what you would look like without that clothing on."

You blush red again. "Oh, I guess I am different in that sense. I.. hadn't thought about that."

"Do you want to go any further with this?"

"Yes, I'd love to."

"Good."

He leaned up to your ear, whispering something in cybertronian that you had no chance of understanding. Nonetheless, it sent a shiver down your spine. His lips brushed your neck, making you sigh and close your eyes as his hands roamed your body. He let out a purring sound that definitely wasn't human as he kissed your soft skin. Another roll of your hips made him groan.

You unhooked your bra, tossing it with your shirt. Pressing your chest against his, you let your hands wander, feeling the muscles ripple under your fingertips as you trailed them down south. He sucks in a breath when you touch the tent in his pants. You can feel that he's a good size.

You're looking him in the eyes as you touch him, letting him see your expressions change. He notices slight shock and then something he can't figure out. Your eyes dilate half lidded, and you grin darkly up at him. You slip back into the passenger seat, pushing down your pants and underwear. "Take off your shirt."

He obliges, and as soon as it's off, you're back in his lap. Again, he has to admire your body now completely naked atop him. You, too, admire his torso and the v down to the prize you so badly craved now. Giving him a quick kiss, you undo his pants gently, pulling him out of the slit in his underwear.

Looking down at his member swollen and twitching, you lick your lips. "It's gonna be a tight fit, big guy. Think you can handle it?"

"Is that a challenge?"

"No more like a warning for what's about to happen."

"I think I'll be fine."

Knowing better, you decide to keep this round gentle unless you decide otherwise. "Ok, let's get started then, cowboy." You give him a devilish grin before sitting fully on his lap. His member sliding between your folds. He lets out a hiss at the contact, letting you slowly rock your hips. Your arousal lubricating him.

You close your eyes, letting out a soft moan. Leaning down with your hands on his chest, you place gentle pecks down his neck, all the while still rocking your hips. His hands grip your love handles, trying to anchor himself as you pleasure him.

A sudden buck of his hips makes his tip barely pierce through your entrance. You yelp in surprise, breaking through the fog of pleasure in his processor for a moment. He looks down to where he's pressed into you, then back up to gauge your expression. "Why did you stop?"

"That startled me is all." His brows furrow and expiramentaly he pulls down on your hips. His tip pierces you, and your jaw falls slack at the intense feeling. He hisses and curses in cybertronian as he pushes you down on him, further splitting you open. It's a tad painful, but it's a good pain.

You can feel that you're not quite to the hilt yet, so you relax your muscles as much as possible to let him slide inside. He helps with another buck of his hips, finally hitting inside you. You lay against him with your arms round his neck, taking a small break and letting yourself get used to him.

Your insides are incredibly warm and soft around him with your muscles gently massaging his length as you lay against him. He grips your rear, pulling out of you just a bit before thrusting back in. It sends a bolt of pleasure up your spine and a soft sound tumbles from your lips. He does it again with another response from you.

Without even waiting for you to sit up, he starts to move more. Pulling out further before plunging back in. The sounds escaping your throat spur him on.

Meanwhile, you're enjoying this just as much as he is. His grunts and groans of pleasure make your core spasm around him. Pressing your lips to his, you passionately kiss him moaning into his mouth as his thrusts hit harder. You can feel the coil in your abdomen twisting as your muscles grip him tight.

He can feel your insides trying to pull him impossibly closer. He can feel something inside him building threatening to pop at any moment.

Your cries of his name make something switch inside him. Roughly, he grips your hips as he pounds up into you. He lets out a possessive growl as he holds you closer.

You can feel yourself on the edge just a bit further, and your coil will snap. His teeth in the junction of your neck as he growls again tips you over. Your core grips him hard, trying to pull his release from him. You tense in his arms as he sits up, tilting you back in his lap. One hand on your hip, the other on your shoulder pushing you down as hard as possible on him as he finally releases inside you.

He snorts with exertion as he tries to stuff himself inside you as deep as possible. Your eyes roll back as the hot ropes of blue fluid flood your womb. You could only describe the feeling as pure ecstasy.

After a minute, you felt his lips against your neck again as he gently kissed you. You let out a long content moan as you relaxed in his embrace. His member slowly slipped free from you, making you both hiss at the overstimulation. The moment was all too short, but you knew he had more work at base, so you got dressed after cleaning up, and he started on the drive back.

"That felt amazing, y/n. Thank you for letting me experience that with you."

Placing a peck on his dashboard, you let out a yawn. "Did I make you tired?" "A bit. I may take a nap when we get back."

"I'd say it's much deserved after that workout."

You let out a snort in amusement.

-------

After he parked, you gingerly stepped down to the cement, a tad sore from your previous activity. Sam and Mikaela jogged over to greet you. She immediately noticed the marks on your flesh and started questioning you. "What happened to you?" She knew the answer, but she wanted you to say it. Sam, as usual, was kinda clueless. "I'm not gonna say it, Mikaela."

"What's happening?" She sighs in exasperation before whispering in his ear. His eyes widen, and he stutters in disbelief. "He was a tad rougher than I was expecting." You flick his window, giving him a playful glare.

"You know you enjoyed it, darling." Blushing red, you roll your eyes leaning against his door. Bumblebee walks over, also taking notice of your marked skin and pokes fun at you through his radio. Another yawn takes you back to your plan from earlier. "Ok guys, I'm going to take a nap. Come get me if you need me." As you walk away, you blow a kiss at the black Topkick who flashes his lights at you in return.

When you lay down in bed after changing and using the restroom, sleep comes to you quickly. You dose off peacefully.

#fanfic #transformers fanfiction #transformers x reader #tf bayverse #ironhide #ironhide x reader #smut #ask #request #18+ only

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