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clone-anon-after-dark · 7 months

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Could I get a sexy story with Daimyo Boba with plus size fem reader who is a little older? Maybe she's a bit insecure because it's their first time together. Thanks!

Stay Tonight (Daimyo Boba x Plus Size Fem Reader)

Word Count: 2569

Warnings: minors go away, NSFW, oral sex (both), unprotected PiV, attention to the tiddies, fingering, slight handjob, earlobe nibbling

A/N: My first attempt at writing a sexy Boba story. I wanted Boba to show some softness without being totally OOC. There’s still a little bit of dom!Boba vibes in one part if you squint. (The man knows what he wants.) Established relationship, but first time together.

Boba spent most of the day walking around, hearing complaints of citizens and solving problems. While he was always happy to give people his time, today he had a hard deadline in his mind. He walked to your home to pick you up for dinner. He had an entire evening devoted to you and he was not going to miss it. You’d been waiting for him with an excited anxiety that left bubbles in your stomach and a smile on your face. You both met during a festival and he started conversation with you like anyone else. He took an interest in you right away, inviting you over to be a guest at a feast and then inviting you to private dinners. He was friendly but guarded at first. However, once he knew he could trust you, he quickly fell in love.

No sooner had you opened the door for him and he reached out to cup your face and give you a firm kiss. You walked to the palace together, Fennec following from a respectful distance.

Dinner was exquisite as always. The droids always had your seat all the way at the other end of the table, but Boba insisted they move it so he could have you close. The food was beyond delicious, but your favorite part was when he pulled you close and left rapid fire kisses on your cheek as dessert was served.

“Stay tonight,” he said after you both finished eating. It was part question, part suggestion, and all hopeful. Boba always slept alone. Despite all the women who might have wanted to spend the night, you noticed he always went to bed alone. This was no small invitation.

“I’d love to,” you replied with a soft smile.

He walked you to his room. It was huge. The bed could easily fit three Wookies, there were mints and water on the nightstand, and his bacta tank was there as well as a very large tub. There was no lack of pillows, blankets, and towels. It felt a bit overwhelming.

Boba walked over to one corner of the room and started taking his armor off while adding, “We can do as much or as little as you want.”

He seemed almost naked without his armor, despite the fact that he was fully clothed. He took his shirt off and you couldn’t help but stare. He was incredibly handsome and you wondered how he got some of his scars. He turned to you again, noticing your staring and grinned at you, taking your hand and guiding you toward the bed.

Sitting next to you he asked, “Are you comfortable, cyar’ika?” You nodded and he kissed your cheek. “And do you know that I desire you? In every way?”

He knew what he wanted and it hadn’t escaped your own mind that you’d love to throw him on the bed and have your way with him. Feeling a little bolder you replied, “The feeling is mutual. I want you.”

You cupped his face and kissed him deeply, both of you closing your eyes as you tasted the last bit of sweetness from dessert. You ran your hands up and down his chest, trying to memorize every contour. Age didn’t take away from his strength, but you sensed a well-earned confidence in how he carried himself and tonight was no different. You reached for his buckle and he was all too happy to be rid of the rest of his clothes. You greedily rubbed your hands over his thighs, then teasing his length as you caressed his skin.

“No fair for you to be covered up,” he whispered in your ear. “Come now, let me see your gorgeous body.” You slowly took off your outer layer of clothes and his strong hands found their way around your waist. He cupped a breast through your bra and reached down to help you out of the rest of your clothes. It had been awhile since anyone saw you naked, but you loved this man and he was practically worshiping you.

“Let me see those perfect tits,” he growled with a loving smile. You smiled back and he unhooked your bra, letting you breasts fall freely over your belly. Boba looked at you and let out a low moan. He leaned in to kiss your neck and held you close to him. As he squeezed every inch of your belly, holding and sucking each breast, pulling your middle close and holding all of you, you reached down to stroke his cock. He closed his eyes at the movement of your hand over his velvet skin.

He collected himself for a minute and nibbled your earlobe, adding, “I want to make you come on my mouth and hand before my cock even fucks your pussy. How would you like that?”

You couldn’t deny the jolt that immediately surged to your core. “I’d love that.”

“Then let me help you out of these.” He slipped you out of your underwear and pushed you back onto the bed. There you were, splayed out for him covered in nothing. He couldn’t keep his hands off your thick waist, hips, and thighs. He was kneading and feeling every ounce of you that he could. You got some kisses in, but then he traveled further down your body, leaving a trail of kisses on your breasts, belly, and thighs. You clung to any inch of him that you could, wanting to feel him as much as he was feeling you. You were still getting used to feeling so exposed and your slight tremble didn’t go unnoticed.

“Are you cold,” he asked.

“Not really,” you replied. “I just haven’t done this in awhile.”

Boba kissed the inside of your knee and crawled back up to your side.

“I haven’t either,” he replied. “But you have nothing to fear. You’re the fire that lights my heart. My mesh’la. Beautiful queen. I can’t get enough of you.” He kissed your lips slowly at first, but his tongue became more urgent and whatever worries you had started melting away, replaced by the question of what his tongue could do against your throbbing cunt. He made his way back down between your legs and now it almost felt like teasing.

“Keep your legs spread for me,” he said. “I want to see all of you.” You lay back on the pillow and let him get to work. His thick fingers slowly prodded your outer folds, separating them, and revealing your clit. He started licking with the flat of his tongue, not holding back on your folds and the little nub. He wrapped each arm around a leg to hold you steady and open for him. He started lapping up every inch of your pussy. One thick finger traced around your entrance, causing you to moan his name. You arched your hips forward and pressed his finger into you. The feeling was delicious and you couldn’t stop yourself from tightening as he added a second finger and entered further. He fucked you with his fingers for awhile, starting slow and building up the pace. He took his mouth off your clit, leaving kisses along your thighs, and making you whine. Despite the loss of contact with his mouth, his fingers were hitting the perfect spot. As he built you toward your climax he buried his face in you again, sucking on your clit. Your vocalizations started increasing, but you tried to hold back.

“I want to hear all of it,” he said. “I want to hear you when I make you come.”

His tongue firmly stroked your clit once more as his fingers worked their magic. It was only moments until you cried out his name, orgasm crashing through your body. Boba worked you through each wave and eased off as you came down from your high. He moved further up on the bed to lay next to you.

“That was amazing,” you said, still feeling waves of euphoria.

“A good man knows how to feast,” he said with a wicked smile, licking his lips. “But I’m afraid I’m not done with you yet.” Your heart raced at the thought. You hoped you could keep up, but wanted more. He positioned himself above you, between your legs, lining up his cock.

“Boba,” you said, running your hands along his shoulders. “I want you.”

“Then I’m all yours,” he replied, pushing himself inside you with a groan. Your hips arched up to meet his and this time you didn’t stifle your cries of pleasure as he started thrusting in and out of you. After quickly finding a rhythm he lay closer to you, practically laying on top of you, reaching for every bit of you he could. He placed a breast in his mouth, letting his tongue play with your nipple as he fucked you. He made sure to give each equal attention. You held on to his strong back, rubbing circles over his muscles as he pounded into you. You found each other intoxicating and it didn’t take long before you felt another orgasm creep up on you. Boba kissed your lips and looked into your eyes before you moaned in ecstasy. He wasn’t far behind, and rested his forehead on yours as he buried himself inside you and painted your walls.

You laid there for quite some time. Your bodies seemed to melt into each other and the mattress as you caught your breath. Boba was nestled against you, holding you like he wanted all of you at once. You traced patterns on his back and noticed you’d never seen him so relaxed before. Finally deciding to stir, he looked up at you and smiled.

“Wow,” you said. He let out a low chuckle. He nuzzled his nose against the side of your face and planted a firm kiss on your cheek. Not saying anything, he got up to get a towel to clean you both off.

That night you laid in his arms as you fell asleep. Although you adjusted your positions in your sleep, he always had an arm around you in some way and you woke up with him spooning you. You smiled to yourself. The heat of a new day was starting to pour over the palace, but the room was somehow the perfect temperature. You felt him take a deep breath behind you, but didn’t want to wake him, so you placed your hand over where his sat against your middle. The night before played in your head and you couldn’t deny that you would love another round. More than that, you could lay with him like this forever. It wasn’t about the palace or all the luxuries. You’d have been just as happy had he stayed with you in your small home and regular bed. Being with him was the best feeling.

You weren’t sure how much time passed before you felt him stir behind you. More than that, you felt him half hard against your ass cheeks until he rolled on to his back. You rolled over to kiss his neck, looking to cuddle some more. He blinked through a tired smile. He silently searched your eyes and you felt a certain vulnerability from him. He reached for the water on the table next to the bed and popped a morning mint. He offered you one and you accepted. Immediately they fizzled in your mouth, leaving a satisfying tingle.

“Do you have any plans for this morning,” you asked.

“If I’m honest, I would like to stay in bed as late as possible. Much was accomplished yesterday and I think I’ve earned the right to stay here a bit longer.”

“Then what do you think about some more action,” you asked, reaching for his still half hard cock.

“Show me what you’ve got, mesh’la.”

You reached for another mint and before it could completely fizzle away, you took his cock in your mouth. Boba gasped at the sensation as he leaned back, resting on the headboard as you sucked on him. He tasted slightly salty after last night and you swirled your tongue around the head. You cupped his balls with one hand while your other firmly massaged his leg. You took as much of him in as you could, bobbing your head.

“So good,” was all he could say as he closed his eyes and his head fell back. One of his hands came to rest on the back of your head, simply wanting to feel you in any way he could. His cock stood tall and you hollowed your cheeks to increase the feeling.

He asked you to pause briefly so you could adjust position, laying side by side. While you sucked him off, he wanted to play with your pussy. You moaned on his cock while he fingered you. He was pleased you were already wet, getting even harder at the thought of you being turned on while giving such divine attention to him. You could feel his balls start to tighten and he asked you to stop.

“Not yet,” he said, continuing to play with you. You looked up at him, smiling at the fascinated look on his face as he watched his digits work. Once you started moaning, he pulled away. The loss of sensation wouldn’t be too long.

“I want to take you from behind, cyar’ika.” You were finding that he wasn’t shy about stating what he wanted and you were more than fine with that. You knew where you stood with Boba and never had to worry he wasn’t being upfront with you. That this translated to the bedroom was all the more wonderful. Hearing the ways he wanted to enjoy your body and let you enjoy his was thrilling.

You got on all fours and he kneeled behind you, kissing your lower back before rubbing your pussy with his cock a few times and entering you. He let out a groan as he started fucking you and immediately your body started tightening around him in the best way. His balls gently slapped your folds with each thrust. He leaned down to hug your wide waist as he started thrusting faster. With one hand he reached forward to hold and caress your tit. His hands had rough skin, but were strong and confident in their movements. He wanted to have all of you all at once. With each movement, you got closer to your peak before you finally called out his name as euphoria swept through you. Two more thrusts and he was there with you, whispering your name as he came inside you.

While you came down from your respective highs, your limbs felt a little wobbly. Boba helped you lay down. He held your face in his hands and kissed your lips. Once you felt steadier, you both got into the bathtub to clean off. You washed each other, both enjoying the simple feeling of caring for one another.

“Fennec will no doubt be here soon with some work of some kind,” he said, as you rinse soap off his back. “Will you spend the night more often? Or stay with me?”

You nodded with a “yes” and the biggest smile on your face. There were some things to figure out, but you loved him and wanted to be with him no matter where you were.

Tagging: @staycalmandhugaclone @dukeoftheblackstar

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wepsi · 2 years

Text

Showers are for getting clean not more dirty Beel (smut)

(Not my art! Go follow @ obangye on Instagram!)

Gender neutral reader, established relationship

Cw: shower sex, cunnilingus, fingering

Kinda a part two to this

Scenario: Beel really wanted to shower with you after establishing a relationship with you, how could you say no to this cutie!

Beel strips down first and steps into the shower, turning the hot water on. You were too shy to look, quickly ridding your own clothes as if it could rid your shame. You didn't see that Beel was blushing as well and taking peeks at you, sure he's seen you naked, but the dessert never tastes less sweet no matter how many times you eat it.

You gingerly step into the shower, since you're here anyway might as well enjoy the feast. You peek slowly up Beel. from his strong calves to his huge.. uh hum... his abs reflected all the hard work he puts into his body. You hold his hands with yours and trace up his toned arms, and to his shoulders, you're looking up at him at this point, cradling his neck. Beel stares back down into your eyes, you looked so beautiful with your cheeks slightly flushed from the steam, he could just gobble your cheeks up like mochi right now.

Not sure if it was the heat or because of you, but Beel's face was bright red, he leans down and pulls you into a passionate kiss. Feeling you shiver from the cold, Beel swaps your places so you were under the hot moving water. He grabs your shampoo bottle and squirts out a large amount, and reaches his hands behind your head to start massaging it into your hair. The warmth of the water combined with the massages felt like heaven. He was still looking so lovingly at you, with a small smile on his face.

You wanted to please him too, tracing your hands from his neck you place your palms on his chest, feeling his muscles. You trail your hand finally down to his patiently waiting hard on. Grabbing hold of it you begin pleasing him, Beel leaning down to connect your lips. He was goaning into your mouth, while his hands was working in the shampoo. Helping you rinse off the product he leans and grabs the conditioner, struggling to apply it because of the stimulation. While the conditioner sits it was time for the body wash.

Both of you feeling shy and turned on, Beel lathered the soap and starts applying it to your body. He starts with your chest, making sure to rub his hands, I mean soap all over them. He then lathers you waist and stomach, and your butt and thighs and finally your legs. Lightly pushing you back into the water stream he again rubs his hands all over you to wash it off. At this point you couldn't take it anymore, putting your hands on his shoulders you push him on his knees. Beel getting the hint, picking your leg to put it on his shoulder to access you.

(I know the position is confusing, so here is a reference.)

He caresses your ass and thighs as he lifts his chin up into you. Beel laps at you from below, pleasing you. You whimper, feeling your knees getting weaker, digging your nails into his hair. Beel stops for a second, and hands you his shampoo and you get the hint. You start meticulously working the shampoo in his orange strands, trying really hard not to get any of it into his violet eyes. He groans into your heat, the vibrations making you throw your head back.

Feeling that you are getting close, Beel stands up and rinses his hair. And turns your around to have your chest against the wall, and starts kissing up your neck, leaving little nibbles. He snakes his hand back to your heat, and his finger slips in easily. You moan and trying to move yourself on him for some satisfaction, Beel slips in the second finger, causing you to stop and groan. He pulls away from the kiss to look in your eyes and gives you a smile before clashing into your lips once again.

He works tirelessly at you entrance, enticing all the sweet sounds you make that is almost drown out by the water.His tongue tangling with yours, occasionally sucking at your lips. Finally not being able to wait anymore, he parts his lips with you and position himself behind you. Lining himself up with you, Beel pushes himself into you, and decorates your neck with more kisses. Giving you time to adjust while he sings praise into your ears, he starts thrusting into you, and grunting into your mouth once again. He roams his hands all over you, your waist and chest his favorite stops.

The water from the shower is just flowing down the drain, the sound almost drowning out the wet slapping noises. Beel moves his hand down to start playing with you with his hands, he must be getting close and wanting you to cum with him. Beel always want to feel good together with you, always sharing tasty foods with you, he just wants to share all the joys in life with you including these moments. You start pushing yourself back onto him, trying to lure out your own orgasm.

Beel sees that and gets extremely turned on knowing he is making you feel good, and starts roughly pulling almost all his length out and burries himself in you. It didn't last long before he bottoms out in you and let out his seed. Disappointed that you didn't finish with him, with him still inside of you Beel tries to please you with his hand. Feeling full of warmth inside and outside, and kisses with even more sensation from his hands, you finally reach your high, and feel your walls clench around him.

Beel slips out of you, and his cum leaking down your leg,

"Haha showers are for getting clean not more dirty Beel."

Beel only smiles bashfully, helps you clean yourself off and finishes his shower. Turning off the water, he carefully wraps you up in towers, places a kiss on your head. He wraps himself up and then suddenly picks you up and carries you princess style into his bedroom, throws you onto the bed and you guessed it, he's hungry again ;)

..............................................................................................................................

Don't waste water like these two horny people kids >:(

Check out my master list for more content !

Check out my kinktober for more content!

#obeyme #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me smut #obey me beelzebub #obey me beel smut #obey me beel x you #obey me beel x reader #beelzebub x mc #beel x reader #beelzebub avatar of gluttony #obeymegenderneutralreader #obey me gender neutral mc #obey me kinktober #kinktober #kinktober 2022 #smut

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elisysd · 7 months

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16. And I wanna kiss you, make you feel alright

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack: Another love - Tom Odell

She felt something tingling in her ear that had the effect of waking her up. Slowly she turned her head to the left to see fingers a few centimeters away from her face. Ethan had managed to get rid of the pillows during the night and now, he was completely sprayed out on the bed, taking most of the place. She was never moving a lot during her sleep unlike Ethan if she was looking at his figure taking up much of the space. She sighed but noticed it wasn’t that early in the morning. She slowly and silently got out of the bed and hopped in for a rather quick shower.

The breakfast area of the hotel was almost empty, with the exception of a few staff members from teams that, just like her, had to be early at the paddock to set up the car for the practice sessions. It was quiet, something she welcomed. It was giving her the time and space to think things through and to digest the events of last night. She wanted to kiss him. Or she wanted him to kiss her. But in any case, she wanted to feel his lips against hers, she wanted to taste them and to know what they felt like. And it terrified her. Was she falling? had she already fallen? When did that happen? How did it happen? Why did it happen? But most importantly, she wanted it to keep happening.

When she thought about love, she thought about her parents. How they completed each other, how they were always there for one another no matter where they were. It was in the flowers her dad was bringing to her mother every Sunday when he was home. It was in the good morning and good night texts when he was halfway across the globe. It was in the comfortable silence they were falling into whenever they were together, as if nothing besides them was existing. It was in the hard times more than in the good ones. Could she have that? With Ethan? Did she deserve it? Was she allowed to want a love like her parents’? Could Ethan love her?

It was the scariest feeling after admitting to herself that she might be falling in love. Not knowing if the other person could like her back. Ethan had never been the type to settle down and Julia wasn't even sure he would like to one day. And would they even work? They were so different. They couldn’t even stay together without stupidly bickering. It was doomed from the very beginning. It was pointless to even entertain the idea. Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t even see Niels coming to her, half-awake but a content smile on his face.

“Already up?”

“Yeah, I’m an early bird.”

“You seem to be good.”

“Yep! I had an amazing night. If you know what I mean.” he added with a wink.

“Oh! Do I know him?” asked Julia, curious.

“Maybe you do, maybe you won’t. I won’t tell. I’m not sure if it’s serious if it was a one time thing.”

“Would you like it to be more than a one time thing?”

“I mean… I like him. I really do. Not sure if he does, though. It’s complicated.”

“It’s not complicated if you follow your heart and not your head.” she mumbled.

“Speaking from experience?”

“I wish.”

“I assume that it’s complicated with Ethan…”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Well… if I didn’t know you guys were together, I wouldn’t guess it. You guys don’t look like a couple.”

“Do couples have to look like something?”

“They have a vibe, you know.”

“And we are not vibing.”

“You vibe. Just not give couple vibes.”

Julia frowned and absentmindedly nibbled on her apple.

“We are not into PDA.”

“There is a difference between not being into PDA and you looking at Ethan as if he was your personal deodorant.”

“I’m not!”

“You are like an ice cube with him. Try to be as far away as possible, never directly looking at him when we are all together and just spending your time trying to avoid him. I understand that you guys want to be private and you want to avoid the attention but it’s just making everything weird.”

“I don’t want us to be weird… In private we are not like that. We are bickering a lot, yes, but we can be cute. I guess.”

“You guess? Julia, that's the kind of thing you should be sure of! You guys are not dating for that long you should all be lovey-dovey!”

Julia must have made a weird face as Niels sighed and shook his head. Not so long after, it’s Noah that entered the area and made his way to them, freshly shaved and already in his team attire. He took place next to Niels after high fiving him and giving him a pat on the shoulder and snatching Julia’s bread.

“Hey! I was about to eat that!”

“You should have been faster.” he shrugged.

Julia shook her head in annoyance. They kept chatting for a few minutes more before she apologized, saying that she needed to leave for the track. After all, their car wouldn’t get prepared on their own. She quickly came back to her hotel room to find Ethan, his back turned away from her, busy trying to arrange his hair with some styling gel that he didn’t even pay attention to her. She silently enjoyed the moment to check him out, from afar. How focused he seemed and how his t-shirt was already sticking to his back because of the warmth and humidity of the place, leaving up to her to imagine the lines of his muscles.

“You know I can see your reflection in the mirror, Joolsie?” he said, a hint of mockery in his voice.

“I’m not doing anything wrong.”

“No, you can come closer, you’ll have a better look, you know.”

“I was just coming to pick up my bag, I’m heading to the track.”

“Okay. Do you want us to have lunch together? Not just us, we can eat with our friends, if it makes you more comfortable.”

“I promised my dad I would eat with him today. And… I want to show him something.” she added a little unsure.

Ethan moved his head towards her and went to her. She was slightly avoiding his gaze and was playing with her bracelet, something he quickly picked up as a habit of hers when she was feeling anxious. He didn’t have to ask her what it was, he had an idea.

“You used the USB drive.”

“Not really, but kind of? I mean… I did open the files and look at them but I haven’t used them. I don’t want to use them, I think.”

Ethan couldn’t help but feel relieved to hear her say it. He was almost sure she wouldn’t use the drive but still, hearing it from her made him feel better.

“But, I still worked on how to improve the Ferrari. I think I have something and I want to show it to my dad.”

“I’m sure what you have is amazing and he will love it. No doubt.”

She smiled and finally looked at him. There was a gentleness in the way he was looking at her that soothed her, that calmed her anxiety. It was like watching the waves gently crashing on the shore. She felt drawn to him, as if there was an invisible pull between them. A magnetic force that she found hard to resist. No matter how hard she tried.

“Thank you, Ethan.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You believe in me. It’s a lot.”

Ethan opened his mouth to reply before closing it and reopening it once again but no sound was coming out of it. He didn’t know what to say. Of course he believed in her, she was the best. She had always been. Everyone could see that and in fact, he didn’t understand why Skoda wouldn’t listen to her ideas. It was a stupid move from them and a part of Ethan hoped that she wouldn’t waste her talent for another year with them. She needed to move to a team that would value her skills and would support her. And if by any chance, Ferrari wouldn’t have her either, then he knew that Maserati and Lamborghini would. And he would be happy to have her work with him. He tried to tell himself that it was purely because she would be a great asset to the team, but he would be lying to himself. He wanted to spend time with her, that was all. And it was selfish, he knew that but he was selfish. He had always been and he didn’t want to change. He cleared his throat before looking away. This time, it was him who was uncomfortable.

Julia didn’t notice him acting differently and collected her things before leaving, waving to Ethan and wishing him luck for the free practices as she closed her door behind her. Then again she wasn’t allowed to help with the car and she felt more like being treated like a kid who was punished than an actual adult. It made her angry so much that before joining her dad for lunch, she went to Whilelm’s office to try to understand what she had done wrong to deserve to be treated that way. With a paternalistic look that she hated, Whilelm announced to her that,even if she was good, she had to learn how to work as a team and not go behind everybody’s backs, chasing fame and praise. Julia didn’t understand what he was implying, she had been a team player, she wanted to help and even if she knew that she should have asked for permission to work on upgrades ideas, the treatment she was receiving was unfair.

“So for the foreseeable future and until you’ve learned your lesson, you’ll be the one in charge of cleaning and organizing our stuff. It’s an important task Julia and one I’m sure you have the skills for.” he added with a mocking smile.

She tried her best to calm down before lunch. It was out of the question for her dad to see her like this. She hadn’t worked so hard, spent sleepless nights on books, gone through a tough interview process to be confined to tidying up! She was pissed off and she was wandering the alleys of the paddock, away from prying eyes and ears in the hope to get back her composure. She should have known that lurking near Ferrari hospitality was a bad idea and shouldn’t have been surprised to see Martin and his personal trainer preparing for later. She didn’t really want to see him and was about to turn away and head somewhere else but it was too late. She had been seen.

“Julia? Hey, wait.”

“What do you want? I told you that I didn’t want to be near you anymore. Not after what you did.”

“I’m sorry about that, I don’t know what came out of me, but I agree it was stupid.”

“It was mean. Ethan didn’t deserve that.”

“I feel bad about it, Julia. I don’t want to lose you over something stupid. You are my friend.”

“Stop it, Martin… please.” she sighed. She didn’t want to have this conversation, not again. She didn’ want it to miss with her head.

“Why?”

“Because we are not friends. You don’t want to be my friend.” She explained and the silence that followed confirmed her fears.

“No, you are right. I would have loved to be more than your friends. Because we have a connection and I know that you feel it too. But you are with Ethan and even if I keep on thinking that you deserve better, I’m respecting it. But I do think it’s a shame that we can’t explore what could be between us? Yes, I do. Because I think… No, I know that I can treat you better.”

“You shouldn’t say that, Martin.” she said, feeling her throat tightened.

“You are right. I shouldn’t. But I can’t help myself, okay? You are everything I’ve ever wanted. You are smart, and caring, and fearless, you are funny without intending to be. I love your laugh and it kills me to see you with Ethan and to see how he treats you because you deserve so much more than what he is giving you. And I know I can do better. I can be that. I can be your better. I can make you happy, Julia.”

He was so close to her that she could smell his aftershave. He wasn’t touching her, giving her the choice to back down if she wanted to. She could feel tears threatening to fall. How dare he confuse her like that. She knew that with Martin it would be easy, so easy to let him love her. He was a good guy, he was nice. He would ease her mind. But Ethan’s name kept popping in her mind, as warning signs and he pulled away.

“I can’t Martin.”

She was about to leave when she felt him taking her hand softly in his. And she knew that she shouldn’t but she let him.

“Tell me… just tell me a simple yes or no, but if Ethan wasn’t there, would I stand a chance?”

“I think you know the answer.” she simply said, her voice soar as she finally left.

She wasn’t hungry anymore, she didn’t want to see her dad anymore, she wanted to hide somewhere and cry. Why do having feelings hurt so much? Why did it have to be so complicated? Why, why, why. She stopped in the public restroom and locked herself up. She took out her phone and unlocked it, only to be met with the picture that Ethan had sent to her a few days ago. She couldn’t resist the idea of making it her wallpaper. It was an amazing picture. She loved it and she could definitely see Kat’s photography skills in him. He definitely inherited them from her. She couldn’t even count the number of times she had unlocked her phone these past few days for no reasons other than looking at this picture.

And finally the tears fell. She didn’t know how long she was stuck in the restroom but it must have been for a while as she got a text from her dad asking her where she was. She looked at herself in the mirror and noticed the traces of mascara. She looked like a panda. But not a cute one. She tried her best to try and look decent before heading to the hospitality where her dad was waiting for her, a glass of sparkling water next to him.

“Ju’? Is everything okay, you look pale. Did something happen with Ethan?”

“Not with Ethan, no…” she mumbled. “Dad? Can I ask you something?”

“Always, you know that.” he replied, suddenly worried.

“Did you know that Martin had feelings for me?”

The look on her dad’s face told her everything she needed to know.

“I didn’t know for sure… I just saw the way he looked at you and the way he always talks about you or asks questions. Martin wears his emotions on his sleeve. That’s his biggest weakness as a driver. But a great quality to have.”

“I feel horrible, dad.”

“You can’t help it, Ju’.”

“Yes, I could… I shouldn’t talk to him anymore. I’m only giving him false hopes. And it’s not fair to Ethan.”

“It’s not fair to Ethan if you have feelings for Martin and are entertaining them. Just like it’s not fair to Martin if you don’t feel anything for him and are playing with his feelings.”

“Why is love so complicated, dad?”

“It’s only complicated if you follow your head, princess.”

“But following my heart means more risks to get it broken and I don’t want that. It’s easier to follow my head.”

“You sound like your mom… It’s going to stay between us and I won’t repeat it, but I do think you and Ethan are a great couple. You are balancing each other and I don’t think a lot of people would have done what he did when we had the incident with Louis. The way he has been there for you… only a man in love would have done it.” confessed Charles, unknowingly making Julia feel guilty.

“I really like Ethan…” she said and she almost gasped. It came so naturally that she didn’t even notice that the words were about to come out of her mouth before pronouncing them.

“I hope you do, because if you didn’t I would tell you to break up. I want you to be with someone that makes you happy and that makes you feel like you are his world. You are worthy of that, Ju’. Nothing less.”

The conversation helped her to clear her mind and she needed it. It didn’t totally erase the feeling of guilt that was becoming her new unwanted companion, but at least it helped her to see things through. She was falling in love. Quickly, freely and at full speed. But instead of making her feel better, it made a heart heavy in her chest. Ethan was only seeing her as a means to an end. She was nothing else to him and never would be. He would never settle down and she was only setting herself up for disappointment. So she made a decision. She would stay with him, just like she promised, until the summer break. And then they would part ways. She just hoped that her heart would handle it until then.

Ethan was bored out of his mind. He only wanted to leave the driver’s meetings and go back to his room. The practice sessions weren’t that good and he knew that the weekend would be shitty for him and the team. But what pissed him off even more than this meeting that seemed to not end was Martin’s side glances that he was giving him quite regularly to the point that when it was finally over, he went straight to him.

“What do you want, Martin?”

“Nothing. It’s going to be a nice weekend, don’t you think, Ethan?”

Ethan was taken aback, not expecting this answer from the Polish driver.

“I guess…”

“How is Julia? Have you seen her?”

“The last time I’ve seen her, it was in our hotel room.” he replied insisting on the our.

“I did see her. Before lunch. And we had a very interesting conversation.”

“Oh yeah? Enlighten me. What could my girlfriend have said to put you in such a mood?”

“That she does feel things for me. That, maybe she doesn’t belong to you as much as you think.”

“Yeah sure…” he laughed, not believing Martin.

“Ask her, if you don’t believe me.”

“I trust Julia. I trust her feelings for me and our relationship. Maybe it’s not the most conventional one, but it works for us and at least we are not boring. Unlike you.”

“We will see about that. But beware Ethan. That’s all I’m saying.”

And with that he left. When Ethan came back to his room, Julia was already there sitting on the floor, her hair still wet after the shower she had taken a few minutes ago, and in very comfy clothes. She was occupied scribbling down in her notebook and was so deep into it that she didn’t even hear the door opening and closing. Slowly, Ethan approached her and sat beside her. She finally felt his presence and looked up to him, smiling gently.

“How was the meeting?” she asked, closing her books.

“Boring. Nothing interesting came out of it.”

She had a small ink trace on her cheek, Ethan noticed. It elicited a small laugh from him.

“What?”

“You have ink, right there.” he explained pointing to his own cheek.

“Shit! I’m so stupid. I was drawing and…” she said, trying to erase it, unsuccessfully.

“Wait a second.”

Ethan stood up and went to the bathroom before coming back with a bath cloth. Julia was standing as well and was looking at the trace in the mirror, grimacing.

“Joolsie? Look at me.”

Slowly and delicately he put the cloth against her cheek as with his other hand he was maintaining her head so she wouldn’t move. He was so close to her that she could see the different shades of blue in his eyes. She even felt his breath on her lips. He was so close, she would just have to lean in and their lips would touch. If only she was brave enough to do so…

“You’re all good, little painter.” he whispered and she could almost swear that she saw his confusion.

Ethan didn’t back down and kept his hand on her cheek. Her skin was soft and hot. He couldn’t stop himself from stroking it gently and he felt her relax against his touch. It felt good, right, meant to be. But Martin’s words replayed in his mind and Ethan pulled away, leaving Julia with a feeling of coldness that wasn’t there before.

The next day, he tried his best to ignore his feelings and focus on the qualifying. Julia was still sleeping when he left. He needed to be alone. He was starting to regret letting her sleep in his bed, with him. It was messing with his head and blurring lines that didn’t need and shouldn’t be blurred. He didn’t need complications. Not today. But then there was Martin and his stupid comments and how Julia might have feelings for him and he felt jealous. It was stupid, he never had been jealous. Never. He never cared enough to get jealous. But imagining Martin’s hands around her, his lips against hers… the idea of her laughing at his jokes… It made his blood boil.

But even with his helmet on, a few seconds before starting the first qualifying sessions, he couldn’t get her out of his head. The traffic was a mess and he found himself caught up in it. He would be out, for sure. In his rearview mirror, coming close to him was Martin who was preparing himself for his fast lap. Ethan saw red, it was out of his mental preparation to stay calm, to be focused no matter the situation went out of the window as soon as he noticed Martin. He knew that his weekend wouldn’t be good anyway and he knew that what he was about to do would probably cost him a penalty ut, he didn’t care.

So Ethan slowed down right in front of the Ferrari, preventing Martin from starting his fast lap and getting them both out in Q1, respectively P17 and P18.

Julia couldn’t help but gasp when she saw Ethan’s maneuver. He had sabotaged himself. And it pissed her off. He would get a penalty and all of that for what? She guessed it was because of Martin and their beef but she never thought it would go as far as impending the Ferrari. As soon as the qualifying ended she went straight to the Maserati garage in hope to find Ethan. On her way she found her dad coming back from the FIA offices, along with Martin. They both were pissed off. Rightfully so. It was not allowed in the regulations and even if Julia liked Ethan, she also liked when rules were followed. He had been stupid and would deserve the penalty he would get.

“Ju’, I like Ethan but I would like to keep off the track whatever rivalry you guys have going on. Alright?”

“I hope it was worth it. For him to sabotage his race for you. Just to prove a point. I didn’t know he felt so insecure.” said Martin, clearly pissed off.

“I’m sorry about him. He shouldn’t have done that. I’ll talk to him, but I hope you still be able to climb up a few positions tomorrow.”

Martin shrugged his helmet still under his arms and walked away.

Julia sped up her walk, almost running towards the Maserati garage. Not seeing Ethan there she decided to go behind the building and find him there, with his personal trainer, about to enter an ice-bath. He only had his swimwear trunk that was not leaving a lot of things up to imagination and she tried her best to keep a poker face. She was mad.

“Impending! Really? Do you know how many positions it will cost you?”

“Five seconds penalty and I’m starting from the pitlane tomorrow. It’s fine, I hate this track anyway.” he shrugged.

“But why? Why would you do that?”

“He pissed me off.”

“But why?” she insisted.

“Because I hate how he acts towards you! Can’t he respect that you are my girlfriend, for fuck’s sake. You are with me, in my room, in my bed. Your smiles are for me, your jokes are for me and most of the time about me too, but I let it slide because I prefer to see you laugh than to see you sad. I was there when you needed me, not him! He doesn’t know you like I do and yet he has the audacity to think that you would accept to be his? What planet does he think he lives on?” he snapped.

“So you were jealous.”

“Of course I was. Because I know that if you were not stuck with me you would be in his arms and that kills me. Now if we are done with arguing, I really need to enter this bath.” he added pointing to the tank of water where ice was filling the surface.

“Go on.I won’t stop you.”

He noticed how she was hell bent on looking everywhere but him. And how red she was. Maybe because of how hot it was outside, maybe because she was angry or maybe because she was flushed because of him. He liked this last thought. He slowly approached her, like a hunter in front of his prey and when she least expected it, he seized her waist and took him out with him in the cold water making her scream.

“Ethan! Oh my gosh, you asshole!”

He could feel her shivering against him and pulled her closer to him. The tank was not big enough for them both and Julia had to straddle him to be comfortable as Ethan snaked his arm around her waist drawing her closer. She had to put an arm around his neck to stabilize herself. Despite the ice and the cold temperature inside the bath, she felt hot. Her white t-shirt was completely soaked and sticking to her skin and she was sure Ethan could see her bra through it. Yet, he locked his gaze on her and pulled away some hair that was in the middle of her face.

“You are looking like a soaked rat.” he stated.

“Whose fault is that, uhm?”

“Are you okay? Comfortable?”

“If I’m catching a cold, I’m blaming you.”

He laughed and the movement of his chest made her move a little and that’s when she felt something poking against her thigh that made her blush hard. That was enough to make her snap out of the moment as she tried her best to get out of the tank under Ethan’s laugh and unbothered by the situation.

“Joolsie, it’s okay. You don’t have to feel embarrassed!” he called her as she was quickly trying to dry herself.

“I…I’m not embarrassed! I.. It’s just… can’t you control yourself?” she was completely flushed and it just made Ethan laugh harder.

“Well… not really, Julia.”

“Oh Gosh, I hate you sometimes.”

“Do you want to get back in, you know, to cool down?” he asked just to tease her.

“Certainly not! I’m not going back in with you while you… you…”

“Have a boner? You can say it, it’s not a bad word.”

“Fuck off!”

And she left as quickly as she came while Ethan was still laughing. This had been the highlight of his day.

Author's note: What do you think will happen next? Let me know your theories, I love to read them.

Don't hesitate to leave a comment or an ask, as well as reblogging and leaving a like. It helps a lot for the story to find its audience. I also have a taglist for this story, so if you want to be added so you never miss a chapter, let me know.

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georgiapeach30513 · 2 years

Text

A Losing Hand, Part 12

Summary: the wedding of Mr. and Mrs. Barber from the Clubs POV

Pairings: Nick Fowler X Reader

Rating: mildly explicit

Warnings: language, misogyny, slut shaming, shaming sex workers, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 3.7K

Series Masterlist

You take a long look in the mirror, smoothing out your cocktail dress. Taking a deep breath, and repeating to yourself that you could see her. Terrified about what seeing her could mean. To your knowledge only Ransom knew about the whereabouts of your daughter.

Anytime Nick had asked about your child, you gave him the generic, ‘I had to get rid of it. This isn’t the life for a child,’ answer while he would just nod. Telling you that you did the right thing.

But now anytime you thought of Winter, it left a deep hole in your heart. You question almost daily, if you made the right decision. Especially since the Spades had went on lockdown. While you know it’s for the best, you longed for some form of confirmation that she’s okay. That she was learning things.

“You look beautiful,” Nick says walking into your bedroom. “Might as well get rid of the piece,” his head gestures to your thigh, and he lets out an air of exasperation.

“Andy is going to sit on his throne and prove he has the power. They’re all guarded, while we’ll be sitting ducks. But we’re agreeing to it. Don’t worry, it won’t be for much longer,” he gives you a soft kiss to your neck. His hands slide down your sides, ending at your hips.

“Boss,” Ari grunts at the door when you let out a sweet little mewl. Nick’s hand glides down your front, and to your thighs. Moving under the high slit of your dress, before he pulls out the gun.

His head looking back to smirk at Ari, “The cars are ready.”

“Aw, I was looking to have some fun with my Princess. No matter,” with his mouth back on you, he gives a hard nibble to your shoulder, “It would do you some good to know who you fucking belonged to.”

You spin around in his embrace, Ari still standing in the door, brows furrowed. Lifting up your left hand, your right hand feels around on your neck. “No one. I belong to no one Nicky. You use me as a shield and to keep your bed warm.”

Nick grits his teeth at you. “I’m in that fucking bed every night. Where are you?”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it. It’s my right as a King to do whatever and whoever I want,” with a swift slap across his face, he grabs your arm up. “And I’m not going to let some porn star dictate what I can and can’t do.”

“Maybe that porn star is getting fucking tired of the jokes at your meetings. Do I make you feel that inferior that you have to show my work to the rest of the suits? I did my fucking job, and I did it well.”

“Boss!”

“We’re making a new movie when we get back home. Staring you and me. Now get in the fucking car,” without giving him another look, you walk out of the bedroom, and Nick gives a hard look to Ari. “You figured out who she’s fucking?”

“It’s not you is it?” Ari asks raising an eyebrow. “Maybe if you quit leaving her begging, she wouldn’t feel the need to find someone else to fill her.”

“It’s Stark isn’t it?” Ari turns to leave, laughing at Nick. “Castle makes sense, too. She gets off on pain.”

Ari quickly turns around and gives the man a shove. Nick looks at Ari ready to pounce, “Quit treating her like a damn object. Acting and real sex isn’t the fucking same. You’ve had actual sex with her. If you can’t handle the fact she was a goddamn porn star, why align yourself with her? Why try and make her feel below you by talking about the things she did for money. You on your damn high horse as the King of Clubs. Even growing up, Nicky, your life was carved out for you. God, give her a damn break. She’s a woman living in a suit. Integrated herself so deep. Living with the Diamonds and then here. You think it was easy for her?”

“She’s mine.”

“Prove it. You don’t get to fucking say you own her, and use her as your weapon, and maybe a warm wet place to land. She’s a fucking human. She might show you more loyalty if you treated her like your equal instead of something beneath you. Now get in the damn car before we’re late,” Ari spins around to get in the car with Ransom.

Waiting on Nick to join you. Your eyes blankly staring out of the window. And Ari worries about what he just told Nick to do. Treat you better. While it’s true, he would love to see you loyal to someone worthy of such. But the sneaking around, and over the clothes entertainment the two of you had enjoyed was his favorite part of the day. He loved when you would seek him out, just to get the tiniest of tastes.

Ari doesn’t want you as a weapon or shield. Doesn’t want you because he feels he can have it all. He wants you. Just you. “You think he’s gonna try anything tonight,” Ransom asks, putting on a pair of sunglasses.

“Oh I’m sure. You know who will be there. You think we should warn Andy?” Ari turns to look at the pompous man in the drivers seat. His eyes glaring holes in the back of Nick, but such a soft look coming from his eyes when he looks at you.

“Andy has his hands full. Believe me. The Dealer is supposed to be there, and I need a private audience with him. I demand it,” Ari scoffs at him. “You don’t think I can demand it?”

“I think you put too much faith in the old man. He won’t grant you an audience. You’re nothing but a Jack. He talks to Kings and the Ghost. Good luck,” he takes a slow lick of his lips, still trying to watch your every move. With nothing but your silhouette, but you don’t seem distressed.

“She seems on edge. You still trust her?”

“She has her reasons. Spades is such a difficult place for her to be. And we’ll leave it at that,” Ransom lifts up his signet ring and gives it a little kiss, before looking at Ari, giving him a most serious face. “I trust her with my life. And she trusts me. Is that enough for you?”

“Just deliver on your fucking promises.”

You take a deep breath as your lead into the Spade compound. Were told multiple times, do not make it seem like anything is familiar. Make everyone believe you were there for the first time. Instead of wandering around, you stayed right with your small entourage of Nick, Ari, and Ransom.

But you can’t help your eyes flicking around, hoping to see any signs of her. Just to know she’s okay. Lost in your thoughts you don’t even hear Nick’s words. Only the clearing of his throat, “Andy, this is my…girlfriend,” he begins. Giving Andy your name.

Just as suave as ever, he gives a quick bow, and pulls up your hand, “While it’s not traditional for non-queens, Steve is going to take you in to see my future queen,” the quickest wink is given to you. While Ransom and Ari stiffen up, Nick seems to be almost buzzing.

You follow along with Steve, and never says a word until you get to her door, “There’s no cameras in there. However, August and Luke will be outside the door. I’ll come and collect you in a few minutes,” he opens the door, and that’s when you spot her.

You understand exactly why Andy was so infatuated with her. Remembering the beginning of their relationship when he would just visit her. She looks towards you and almost flinches. “I didn’t think anyone was allowed in here.”

The door closes behind you, and a large dog sits up, blocking you from her. “It’s tradition to give you some advice.”

“I could take all the advice right now. I don’t know what I’m doing. I just love him,” she gives you a little giggle. And you move closer. With a tap on the dog she whispers out a command, and the dog settles. Walking back around her.

“Andy, he’s very particular,” you take a few wandering glances, and spot a cute but messy coloring page.

Spotting what you seen, her hand reaches quickly towards it, but you snatch it quickly. “Where did you get this?”

“I have a baby sister,” she whines up at you. You roll your eyes at the pitiful thing, with a joke of a lie. Andy really left her vulnerable. Quickly you start to fold it up, putting it in your pocket. “No, she wants me to put it in my bouquet.”

You round against her. The knife that Nicky failed to take, pressed against her neck, and you cover her mouth with your hand. Quickly the dog is at your side growling. “I’m gonna move my hand off of you, and you’re not gonna scream. That dog is gonna be called off. Do you understand?”

With tears in her eyes she nods. Her hands moving to cover her stomach, and she whispers, “Please, I’m pregnant. Don’t…”

“Tell me where you got this?”

“My baby sister.”

“She here?” she shakes her head no, and you chuckle. “Where is she?”

“She’s sick.”

“Where’s Bucky? One of Andy’s favorite men. Why isn’t he here?” she lets out a whispered he’s sick. “Who gave you the fucking picture?” her head shakes back and forth, and that dog barks. Begins pacing around. “Winter gave you this, didn’t she?”

She shakes her head rapidly, denying it was your daughter. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Please, I need Andy.”

You roll your eyes, removing the knife and sit down in front of her, “I’m not gonna hurt you or your unborn child. I just want to know how my daughter is.”

“No.”

“She is mine. Winter Olwen Barnes. I’m not taking her. I just…”

“She’s fine,” Andy’s fiancé doesn’t offer anything else.

“Not bad, mama bear,” she huffs out an exasperated sigh. “I know I can’t take her. I just need to know she’s okay.”

Her eyes meet yours and she nods. Her hands rubbing over her belly, and you see the tears pooling in her eyes. “Shadow, come here girl,” the giant dog goes and lays her head in Daisy’s lap and she looks up at you. “You promise you won’t hurt her?”

“Why would I hurt my daughter,” a little twitch of her eye catches you off guard, and you look towards the door. “I see. You think she’s yours.”

“I know she’s not. But…I’ve grown attached. I spend almost all day with her. She’s beautiful,” your the one that gets tears in your eyes this time. She looks quickly at the door before reaching into her bag, sliding a picture of your beautiful little girl across the table.

“I don’t know how you do it.”

“It was the right thing,” you sigh looking at how big she looks. Her little dog, that Andy promised her she could have, licking at her face. “Is she happy?”

“She is,” Andy’s Daisy gives you a soft sigh. Moving her attention back to the mirror, “She asks about you all the time. Bucky usually fills in the gaps. Him and Steve stay with us most the time. Sometimes it’s Nick…uh, Vaughan.”

“Why?”

“That’s Andy’s cousin. He’s not our favorite. The others…they don’t know about her,” she turns back to meet you face to face. “Her dad is with her today. She colored the picture to be put in my bouquet. Should I tell her I gave it to her mother?”

Your eyes look all over her, unsure what exactly you want to tell her. Pulling the picture she colored back out, you slide it back to her. Kissing the picture of your most precious little girl and handing it back. “I put her at risk if I have either of these. Nicky…I can’t get a read on him. Ransom seems to think…”

“Ma’am,” August gives the two of you a long look. “The Queen of Hearts still needs a moment with you,” he looks over the wolfdog, and then back up to the future queen, asking with his eyes if everything was okay.

“You and Luke are doing a great job. I’m fine.”

Ransom gives a quick glance up to the Dealer before giving him a nod. He has plans for a private audience, and he will get it in time. Nick leans back in his chair, but grabs up your hand, sliding a new ring over your finger.

This was definitely not something you expected. With a less than stellar proposal, and at someone else’s wedding. You don’t miss Ari’s quick departure from the table when Nick pulls you close. “You can quit holding the, it’s not official over my head now.”

“Nicky…I…I don’t know what to say,” you whisper out.

“Just say yes. Become my equal,” you know it’s a lie. Nick is never going to change, and he’s going to continue to degrade you in a way that makes you feel less than human.

Standing up, he pulls you to the dance floor. Spinning the two of you around in celebration, and you catch sight of Ari again, this time completely leaving the room. You try and pretend to enjoy this. Try to make everything make sense when Nick earlier had been so ugly. “I hate to do this,” he whispers against your ear. “But I do have some business to attend to.”

With a quick peck to your lips, and even quicker exit, you’re left standing there. Looking around for Ransom to be the one to fill the void left from both Nick and Ari, and even he isn’t to be found.

Ransom walks out of the bathroom, washing his hands when he sees his reflection in the mirror, “I said private MacRay,” Ransom spins around to see both the Dealer and the Cleaner. “Who else you got outside this door?”

“Ransom, you should know that Dougie goes wherever I go. You wanted my attention, you got it. What is it that you want?”

Ransom looks around the bathroom quickly. Trying to see if there’s any cameras. Turning on the water just in case before he gets closer to the old man. While Doug tenses up, he puts a wrinkled hand on his chest. Stepping closer to him, Ransom wraps his arms around him for a tight embrace, “Well, now that we got that over with old man. How’s it been Harlan?”

“You didn’t ask for an audience with me just for that. We have to make this quick. What is it that you want?”

“There’s a rat in the Spades. Nicky knows too much.”

“He also put a ring around your little starlet’s finger,” Doug grunts. “What does Nicky know? What’s his endgame?”

“He’s suspicious of Ari. Hates Andy, and she caught Kemp talking to someone before Nicky pulled her back. She got a description of the car. A blacked out Range Rover. And who drives those?”

“Spades,” Harlan moans, and Ransom nods his head. “Ari on board?” Ransom gives him another nod. “I’m letting the Diamonds destroy themselves. Now that Curtis has he returned, he’s going to have to take up the mantle. Lloyd has plans to behead Steve.”

“He wants a war,” Ransom presses his fingers into his temples, already getting a headache. “The beheading…that’s Jefferson’s Bunny’s thing. So the Diamonds and Hearts go war. Spades will side with Hearts.”

“Where does the Clubs loyalty lie?” Harlan whispers, looking at both his grandsons. “When was the last time you spoke with Bryce?”

“That prick is a pawn. He doesn’t know what Lloyd does amongst his suit. He’s a paranoid sociopath who wants to get rid of all suits,” Harlan shakes his head, but Ransom holds up his hand. “Andy is well aware of the depths that Lloyd will go. Half this information came from his wife. Lloyd is faltering. He knows what he wants but is getting sloppy in his execution.”

“Time bring in the Joker,” Harlan begins to leave, but Ransom pounds a fist on the sink.

“You leave Loki and Thor out of this. They’re lose canons. We’ve already cleaned house in the suits once. Let Curtis rise to his power.”

“He wanted his Snowdrop back. Doesn’t appear he’s getting his wish. That woman was the only one that could have held him up to his true potential.”

“Maybe it’s time to let her know what really happened to Curtis’ parents,” Doug looks at his grandfather, and gives a shrug. “The rumor Lloyd put out there is that the King got sloppy and Curtis killed him. His mother died of a ‘broken heart’. Maybe we should give Curtis time to unravel what happened. He’s got a one track mind. His Snowdrop is either going to be a distraction or a place of contention. But even she is tired of being a pawn. It’s good information though,” Doug adds. He looks over at Ransom, who looks behind disgusted.

“You men, using these women for information. What happens when Bunny gets her wish? Jensen makes them all killing machines. Who’s to say they don’t seek revenge on you people that put them in those positions? Use them to make yourselves more powerful while they suffer, and then you spit on them. Jefferson is the only one that has the right idea. They should be on the court of suits,” Ransom looks between the two men, and Harlan can’t help but smile.

“That’s our plan. Bunny is a smart girl. She’s loyal to her husband, but wants women to fight alongside them. Does Princess not fight with you? You value her. Does the secretive Sunshine not? Andy agreed to let Bucky train his wife, when she’s not pregnant. Lessons started before. All are on board with that but the Diamonds. We’re cleaning house. Don’t worry about it.”

You walk outside in search or Ari. Just needing to feel a tiny bit of something real. Looking around you see him sitting down with a cigarette. Walking over to him, you sit down beside him. Both of you in silence.

“Don’t you have a fiancé to spend your time with?” his voice cold and distant.

“Ari…”

“No, we can’t…this was never going to last, me and you. You favor security over something real.”

You chuckle at him, “That easy, huh? What we have is real?” Ari only shrugs, deeply inhaling another hit from his cigarette. “It must be so easy to be Ari Levinson. You think I’m with Nick just for status and security?”

“Obviously.”

You let out an annoyed laugh. “Oh sweet boy, you have no idea what’s going on. Get used to people using me. They have my whole life. And here I am either begging for Nick to fuck me or coming to you to let out some steam, and you still won’t fuck me.”

“Don’t enjoy sloppy seconds.”

“Tell that to your dick that you shove in my throat. It’s easy for you to sit there and have a choice, when I don’t have one. You have no idea the shit that I’ve been through. Forced to make fucking fetish porn while I was pregnant,” Ari turns and looks at you surprised. “Oh Nicky too embarrassed to show someone else knocked me up?”

“Despite what you believe I don’t watch that shit,” you go stand up, tired of being lied to. “Ask Ransom. Every time he plays one of your movies I leave. I won’t sit there and let you become the gossip between the court. I thought you would know I had more respect for you than that.”

“Tell me how you feel about me then,” he shakes his head no, looking at the ground below him. “Fucking tell me.”

“It doesn’t matter. It won’t ever matter. You’re sleeping with the fucking enemy. I can’t do this. This fucking chess game of lies. For what?”

“You know what,” you tell him, and he gives you an odd look. Confused to how you know what is actually going down. “My loyalty has never been with Nicky. Ransom has saved my life more than once, so what he says goes. Play your part, and then we can go our separate ways. Fiancé? Look at the ring, it’s fake. Won’t even get into the Club jewels for me. I mean nothing to him. I’m disposable. At least you have a seat at the table, you prick.”

You spin on your heels. Thankfully, able to get out all that you needed to, because the moment you leave him, tears steadily stream down your face. Going back to the party, and Nick of course, still isn’t there, but that’s not where you seek comfort.

You search everywhere for him. Finding him alone at a bar, nursing some bourbon. “Princess?” he asks but you just sit down in the floor. Holding onto his leg. The one person that you know who actually cares about you.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” when you don’t answer, Ransom leans down, and picks you up. Letting you koala on him, and he runs his hands up and down your back. “Come on, let me make you feel better.”

“It’s too much, Ran.”

“No. Nothing that some cuddles and wedding cake won’t fix,” you don’t care who sees you. You just know that the warmth and weight of Ransom feels amazing.

You don’t even spot Ransom glaring at Ari. He just makes sure you’ve got him and cake. “Hey,” he whispers pulling you back to look at you. “You’re the strongest person I know. And we’re almost finished. One of these days, you’re gonna get to see Winter everyday. I promise. Trust me.”

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @missacidburn928

#a losing hand #a losing hand au #ari levinson #ari levinson x reader #nick fowler #nick fowler x reader #ransom drysdale #red sea diving resort #rsdr #the 355 #andy barber

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drustvar · 2 years

Text

Suppertime

Julian continuously gets in the way while cooking and gets exactly what he deserves

Day 2 for the Midsummer Masquerade, impact play

Contents / Tags: Light dom sub mechanics, Impact play / spanking, praise, edging and denial Pairing: Julian / Rosie WC: 1,238 AN: This was fun, writing domme Rosie is always fun heehee. Julian can’t ever shut up and I really don’t think he’d be happy unless he gets suplexed through a table.

“How many times do I have to tell you?” Rosie’s question was followed by a loud smack as she struck Julian’s behind with the spatula. “You stay out of the kitchen when I’m cooking.” Julian stifled a groan as she smacked him again.

“In my defense, I uh, I was only trying to be helpful.” His face was already flushed. “Really, truly.”

“Hm, and you do a fine job of it,” she said, idly twirling the spatula, fully aware of how hungrily he watched it. “Always managing to be standing in front of the exact cupboard I need to get into, stealing nibbles of the meal before it's done.”

“Well you always have to take a taste test as you cook, right?” He bit his lip as she narrowed her eyes at him.

“As it’s cooking,” she said. “I caught you pinching off the bread dough while it was still rising, you little thief.”

“Well, ah, thieves should be punished, shouldn’t they?” He asked as he leaned closer. Rosie growled and pushed him against the counter, which he eagerly sunk down against.

“That’s exactly what you’d like isn’t it,” she asked, tilting his chin up with one of her nails. “Surely you dunnae think I wouldn’t catch on to your little plan, did you?”

“Oh, no of course not, I-” his voice died into a whimper as she dug her nails into his jaw. “Well alright that was a, uh, certainly a considered bonus.” They stared at one another for a moment, the bubbling of the pot on the stove being the only sound that broke the hungry silence.

“Shirt off,” Rosie commanded as she withdrew her grip. She turned back to check the various pots and pans cooking on the stove as he hurriedly rid himself of the garment. “No, those stay on,” she said without even looking his way, just pointing at his trousers with one of her nails.

“Oh, yes of course. I uh, well seen as I’m being punished I don’t get to decide what comes off and what doesn’t do I?”

“Up,” was all Rosie said as she pulled him to his feet. He eagerly followed her lead, his hands trailing yearningly up her legs and the swell of her hips.

“Stay,” she commanded as she stepped away to rummage in one of the drawers. He obeyed, biting his lip as he leaned against the counter and waited for her. Try as he might, he couldn’t see what she had quite literally hidden up her sleeve when she returned to him; though his curiosity was quickly forgotten as she tangled her fingers in his hair and tilted his head back, exposing his throat to press open mouth kisses to his skin, almost taunting him with the edges of her teeth. Her hand trailed lazily up and down his chest before gripping and squeezing, winning a pleased groan as her nails dug into his skin.

“Please-”

Rosie hushed him and pressed a softer kiss to his collar. Julian couldn’t help but groan again and roll his hips against her as she pinched and rolled his nipples between her fingers. He yelped as he felt the pinch of clothespins against his skin—so that was what she’d had hidden in her sleeve. She hushed him again and briefly stepped away to grab the spatula she’d smacked him with earlier. She motioned for him to turn around, which he did so eagerly

“Good boy,” she purred as she traced his spine slowly, enough to make him whine before she swung and struck him hard on the ass with the spatula. Julian moaned and gripped the edge of the sink so tightly his knuckles went white.

“Is this what you wanted? This why you kept comin’ in here and botherin’ me?” She asked as she swatted him again. He groaned and his heart fluttered, even though he couldn’t see he could easily imagine the way her teeth glinted as she grinned.

“Use your words.”

“Yes, yes.” He found it hard to speak; his trousers had become uncomfortably tight.

“That’s my good boy,” she said, petting his flank. “You just cannae help but get in trouble, can you?”

“No, I,” he gulped as he felt the edge of the wooden spatula pressing against his thigh. “That’s, ah, that’s why I need you to keep me in line.” He sighed as she pressed close against his back and wrapped her arms around him, humming low in her throat and lazily kissing his shoulder.

“You’re awful lucky I didn’t have my rolling pin on hand,” she murmured as she brushed her fingers over the clothespins and made him whine.

“O-oh but that certainly could have been fun too, nothing quite as exhilarating as getting the wind knocked out of you, eh?”

“I’m not about to throw you around like that in my kitchen. With your gangly limbs you’d bring everything on the walls down with you.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but could only make a pitiful, needy sound as she sank her teeth into the space between his shoulder and his neck. Her hands trailed up his chest, and he yelped again as the clothespins were roughly pulled off.

“Oh you poor thing,” Rosie teased, her voice mockingly sympathetic. “All swollen and red, they must hurt, hm?” He moaned and arched his back against her as she rubbed them in gentle circles.

“Rosie, oh, Rosie, please,” he whined. It was starting to become maddening, he needed more.

“Hmm? Oh, hang on a second.” The warmth of her pressed against his back left as she turned to check the pot on the stove. He whimpered, but stayed still, stiff as a board.

“Five more minutes,” she said, setting the ladle down and returning the pot’s lid. “But it would have been sooner if someone had stayed out of the kitchen.” She smacked his ass again, this time with just her hand.

“Well, uh, like you said, I just can’t help but get into trouble.”

“I know, I know. You’re such a naughty boy,” she trailed her nails lightly up and down his sides. “Whatever should I do with you?”

“Could you..?” He caught her hand and pressed it to his waistband.

“Could I … what? Speak up.”

He moaned and bucked against her hand as she nipped the soft skin of his neck.

“Please, touch me,” he cried, his voice cracking. “There, there please, I need it so badly it hurts.”

Rosie’s teeth on his neck were replaced by soft kisses pressed against already bruising skin. “Oh, that’s too bad, isn’t it? That’s a reward for good boys, and as we established, you’ve been very naughty.”

“I know, but-” his voice devolved into a groan as she pinched his nipples; his face burned as he could tell he was starting to leak pre.

“Shhh,” she crooned as she gently held his throat, feeling his pulse jump beneath her fingers. “Now, I want you to go upstairs and take care of yourself and wash up. Food’ll be ready by then. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes, yes of course,” he panted. “Yes ma’am, I’ll be good.”

“I know you will,” she pressed a kiss to his cheek before giving his ass one last dismissive smack and turning back to the stove. “Off with you then.”

Julian had never run up a flight of stairs so fast in his whole life.

#midsummer masquerade #vesuvia after dark #julian devorak #rosie springwald #rosie #julian #lemon #mine #DAY TWO LETS GOOOOOOO\#i had this prompt kicking around for a while and im so glad it actually fit for one of the days #minors if you so much as look at this i throw a brick at your head #this will be ported to ao3 later too

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triforceangel13 · 1 year

Text

Waltz Within Chains Ch. 30 (A BakuDeku Omegaverse Hybrid Fantasy Au)

Chapter 30: Prepartion

Despite his mother's urge to keep Izuku away from his father he knew sooner or later he was going to have to come face to face with him.

Thankfully his mother was in the room and she never let his father get too close to him. His mother never went against his father's wishes except for now.

She was going to make sure that this baby would be safe.

It wouldn't be the first time the king would want to use a baby dragon against their will so he was sure that his sudden change in not wanting to rid him of his child had something to do with that. That Izuku would say alright to it. He barely touched his food, making sure that it had been tested first before he even started to eat. He was parinoid. He wanted nothing to kill himself or his child.

“I will say it is about time you joined us for a meal like a family again. Can't even begin to think of what they taught you in that other kingdom,” Hizashi tried to goad but Izuku remained silent, nibbling at a small piece of bread.

While he didn't want to eat the food he still knew if he wanted to have a happy pup he needed to keep them healthy.

That was what snacks later were for that he had stashed in his bedroom.

Along with the necklace that still clung to Katsuki's scent.

Anytime he thought of him it brought a slight pain to his chest. He had been right there when he had seen his final moments. He had been there within arms reach and yet he hadn't been able to do anything.

He had been weak. Something his father reminded him day in and day out lately.

Like this day for instance.

“Today our guest should be arriving,” Hizashi stated. “He has been an old family friend for many years.”

“A guest? Who?” Inko asked, tensing beside Izuku. Izuku's ears shot up, alert. If his mother was on edge than he had to keep an eye out didn't he?

“Someone to train Izuku in combat,” Hizashi said with a firm nod of his head. “And someone who isn't going to bed my son.”

Izuku's ears laid flat against his head again but he bit into his breakfast with his teeth, anger starting to brew deep within him again.

Inko rest her hand on Izuku's arm a bit to try to help calm him down, knowing that he was getting sick of the small jabs at him.

“Who is it?” Inko asked.

“Do you remember that man everyone called All Might back when you were pregnant with Izuku? I heard he was in our kingdom on business so I thought I would ask him to come train Izuku for a while,” Hizashi explained. “The man didn't even hesitate to say yes and said it would be an honor to teach the king's son.”

Inko immedaitely relaxed, squeezing Izuku's arm. Izuku didn't look to her but he knew what that meant. She had planned this already. She knew what she was doing.

For a queen who seemed like she stayed in the back and let Hizashi run the kingdom, Inko knew exactly what was going on in nearly every corner of their kingdom.

She would make a wonderful ruler if she was even allowed to.

“I think that's a wonderful idea. I'm sure Izuku would like a refresher of what to do and even learn some new things,” she agreed.

Was this All Might someone he could trust? He sure hoped so. He would not let just anyone close to him or his baby.

He would protect his baby with his own dying breath.

“Well I'm glad you think so my queen,” Hizashi said, making Izuku have to force himself not to roll his eyes. “Now, you two finish up, I have in important meeting.”

“Of course,” Inko said, waiting for Hizashi and his guards to leave before looking at Izuku, her shoulders relaxing.

“Mother...” Izuku said, starting to eat his food more. Now that his father was gone his appetite was coming back. He was glad. He did need his strength if he was going to be training with who ever this All Might was. “Is this man to be trusted?”

“Yes,” Inko said to him. “I've been doing quite a bit of research since you had left and honestly...There's more to this whole thing than just you going with Katsuki to his kingdom of the dragons.”

Izuku paused mid bite and he frowned. There was more to it?

“What do you mean?” he asked.

Inko let out a sigh. “Turns out your father knew exactly who Katsuki was ever since he was young and first came to the castle. He had invaded his home while I was still pregnant with you. He lost track of him for years but then was estatic when I found him...I should have known something was off. He wouldn't have taken someone in so easily.”

Izuku dropped his fork, feeling anger swelling within him.

“Why did he do that? He said he had never knew about the dragons,” Izuku growled. His mother knew he didn't mean to do that. Pregnancy hormones did a lot to someone.

“I don't know what his motive was but it explains why he was so open to having him being your body guard...I don't think he figured out that you and him were going to get so close together the way that you had,” Inko sighed. “But this man. All Might. His name is Yagi Toshinori. He was one of the two that had helped save Katsuki in way.”

Izuku swallowed. “Save him how? He grew up in the village didn't he?”

“From what I understand, yes he had. But Yagi had helped keep him safe. They had every intention of bringing him back home but someone ambushed them and they lost track of him,” she explained. “He's here to help us now after learning what happened.”

Izuku shook his head a bit. This man was going to help but how? He was coming under the guise that he was going to be training Izuku.

What help was he even going to provide?

He wouldn't worry his mother about it. He couldn't ask all the questions about her plans all of the damn time. He had to trust her and lean back.

Plus the more stress he put on himself the worse he could be. He didn't want to risk hurting his little pup.

“I trust you Mother,” Izuku said to her. Inko smiled and rose up from her seat, hugging him to her. He closed his eyes, relaxing in her scent and her embrace.

“Thank you Izuku,” she said. “Now let's go to see the doctor to check up on your pup. Yagi won't be here for a little while.”

Izuku nodded, rising from his seat.

He followed his mother, his hands tucked under his stomach, looking down at the swell of it. He was nervous.

He was going to have his mother sure but he also didn't have his alpha to help take care of their pup. He hoped the cloak and the necklace would be enough to soothe their child without their sire's scent around them.

He let out a small sigh as they walked, wiping away another tear. He was sad too. He knew he was never going to get over Katsuki.

The man had too much of a hold of his heart. He wanted to remember him as the strong dragon that protected him.

But in his mind he would see the sword go through him and the life leave his red eyes.

He would take this training and take down his father. He would have his revenge.

“For you Kacchan,” Izuku mumbled softly.

Katsuki was flung back against the wall with a grunt. He fell to his knees and he slowly stood back up, breathing heavily.

“Again,” Aizawa stated, taking a sip of the cup of tea that sat on the floor before him. He sat in the middle of the room, legs crossed and his tail flicking back and forth in amusement.

“We've been at this for days,” Katsuki growled at him, stretching his wings out. “I'm not a cat. I'm a dragon. I'm made to fight, not sneak.”

He had learned the tactics but he just wasn't able to use them. He was too broad, too big, and his wigns and tail gave him away easily.

Aizaw has put him on his butt so many times it was laughable. And Katsuki didn't do laughable. He needed to do this.

“And we saw how well that went last time,” Aizawa said with a roll of his eyes. Katsuki glraed at the man and pushed himself up from the wall.

“Tch...” was his response. “He used Izuku against me.”

“And what's stopping him from doing it again?” Aizawa asked. “He knew exactly what your weakness was and that was your love for your mate. So it's either learn or give up your bunny for your revenge scheme.”

“I will never give up Izuku,” Katsuki snapped, but his voice softened a bit. “He's my entire world. He means everything to me.”

“Then Prince Katsuki,” Aizawa said in a bit of a mocking voice. “Prove it. Again.”

Katsuki grit his teeth but then shot up into the rafters of the room into the darkness. He had to get this right. He had to sneak into the castle and get Izuku out. He may even have to get the queen out and she could be just as heavily guarded as Izuku was.

He was not going to let this evil king take his family away. Again. He had done it twice now. Once with himself and then another with Izuku.

He would win this time. No amount of dangling Izuku on a thread was going to distract him this time. At least he hoped.

Izuku was pregnant and vulnerable. Who knows what he put his precious bunny through.

He grit his teeth and took a deep breath, doing what Aizawa had been trying to beat into his head for days.

Blend into the shadows, don't let a single noise be heard.

He stayed up in the rafters, moving silently up there waiting for his opening to pounce and gain the upper hand on his teacher.

It took seveal moments of waiting, his patience growing thin but he remained still, waiting silent as ever.

When he saw his chance he pushed from the roof and he flew down at Aizawa, landing on his feet quietly and rose his hand with a crackling blast in his palm.

Aizawa's head whipped around, moving faster than Katsuki could see. His eyes had glown stopping his powers and the scraf he wore around his neck wrapping around the blonde's body.

Just a twist of the man's wrist and the prince was on the ground again, growling and glaring daggers again up at the man.

Aizawa rest his foot against Katsuki's side and let out a small sigh, but a smirk tugged at the corner of his lips.

“Better,” he stated. Red eyes widened. This was the first time Aizawa complimented his training. That meant he had to be improving.

“Your powers are too noisy. Try using them in a different way. Like just the heat with the small explosions,” he taught him. “Then you could burn with those hands.”

Katsuki let out a grunt and stood up once Aizawa released him from his scraf. The man picked up his cup and took a sip.

“Again.”

I’m open for written commissions

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#my hero academia #bakudeku #waltz within chains

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thehealingkind · 2 years

Text

How to get your man (or lady) to eat healthier (without sounding like a nag!)

"Hi Amy, I eat really well, but my guy/family/housemate (insert significant other here) just doesn't care. How do I remedy this?!" I hear this all the time. A huge part of your own health is influenced by those around you, and for the most part this comes down to what is put on your kitchen table for dinner at night. What does your living situation look like? What food choices do your house mates make? Take stock right now of what is in your fridge. Is it filled with fresh veggies that all house holders enjoy, or perhaps littered with packets of... junk? In my experience, even if you have the resolve of steel and have the best meaning of intentions, there comes those occasions where you find yourself indulging in sneaky nibbles from the "man food stash" hidden on the top pantry shelf. From little nibbles big things (love handles ;)) grow! Put some effort into casually "converting" the food choices your house buddies make and you'll all be feeling much better for it. Here's how:

1. Substitute. Easy healthy switch ups. It's all about making the swaps painless. Trying to infiltrate dinner time with tofu if your counterpart is a meat eating cave man might run you into strife, but how about this... Cancel the couch potato. If your guy hankers for greasy, vegetable oil cooked potato crisps to accompany cozy movie time, it's pretty easy to plonk a bowl of delicious sweet potato chips in front of him one night. Recipe inspo: A Crispy Root Vegetable Threesome. If you have a female housemate, it's more likely that she'll be after the sweeter treats (ever noticed that males crave salty and females like sweet?). Get rid of the cadbury and make some chocolate of your own. Recipe inspo: Raw Chocolate. For the young ones amongst us. How many of you have a housemate who makes the questionable choice of diving into the cereal bowl to quench a midnight snack. Imagine the ill effects of consuming sugar laden boxes of coco pops at night. A recipe for bad sleep for them (and you in return) for sure. Recipe inspo: Tropical Maple Granola or Choc Goji Granola, found in 'A Nourishing Morning'.

2. Preparation. Food prep day can be fun. If you're living with a male you can pretty much guarantee he's got an appetite brewing ALL the time. If he knows that there is a fridge stocked with food and all pre-prepared no less, he'll be less likely to duck into the servo for a dirty pie on his way home from work. Thus not bringing junk into your healthy home! Win. Chop up some carrot sticks and have a bowl of hummus on hand in the fridge. Wash and cut up all your fruit and veg straight away when you buy them too. The less you have to do when hunger hits the better. Recipe inspo: A Middle Eastern Inspired Hummus served with Crunchy Raw Crackers. Event better yet, do it together! Lead by example and get him involved.

3. Presentation. A feast for the eyes. Men especially are very visual creatures, so here it really comes down to keeping presentation in mind. Make it look pretty on the plate and your man will feel like he's eating like a King, well eating at a nice restaurant at least. If you find you're reducing the quantity of a certain ingredient in meals too - such as cheese in tacos or wraps, simply sprinkle it just on top of the fillings, rather than infiltrating it throughout. It's all about perception. Speaking of healthy tacos! Your guy will love these, especially if he can help cook the fish on the barbie. Recipe inspo: Thai Coconut Fish Tacos.

4. Labels. Unstick 'em. Swanning in the door and announcing one day that you're "going Paleo", or "becoming Vegan" or subscribing to another food methodology is a great way to be met with resistance. It appears that men (in particular) might be a little set in their ways - so just don't give it a label. Know in yourself what you are trying to achieve and make choices at the shops and cook accordingly; but don't try to create a vegan-labelled boyfriend out of a meat eater. Recipe inspo: A Whole Roast Chicken with Quinoa, Cranberrry & Pistachio Stuffing. I think it's important to note here that you can't make your housemate DO anything and that what is healthy for their body may not equate to your ideal of health for your own. However, if they understand why it is so important to you and can learn that your idea of health can also mean fun, then you might just be in with a better shot at creating a living environment that is going to benefit you both. Good luck. *Recently we published an article on how to sneak veggies into delicious foods for kids. You might find this resource helpful too. We're all big kids at heart right? How have you gone getting your housemate to eat more healthily? Do you feel like a nag or are you making headway? We want to know what works for you!

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bchanslvr · 2 years

Text

ice cream [hp x fem!reader]

word count — 1k (1, 149)

warnings — oral sex (fem recv), spitting, public sex but no one is watching, lmk if there is something i missed!!

summary — harry eating you out in the middle of class because why not.

a/n — i felt the need to write harry smut because of a thought so i did. also can you believe i did this in one sittng? cause i can't

you were trying to pay attention in charms when you felt a warm hand on your thigh. you knew exactly who it was because nobody else sat beside you except harry potter.

that cheeky bastard kept staring at the board as he wrote down useless notes as if you weren't looking at him.

his hand inched just a tiny bit under your skirt.

you two were still in that phase where you fucked like no tomorrow. trying to get rid of all tension.

and right now you felt your pussy getting wetter by the second as if you weren't riding him last night until you both collapsed.

it seems that both of you are just so damn thirsty. and definitely not for water or a soda.

speaking of thirsty. harry's hands slipped under your skirt touching your soaked panties in a light caress.

just that gentle touch had you clinging onto your quill like a lifeline as you tried to will yourself from shaking like a leaf.

never have you ever been more grateful for being situated at the back with your lover than now when he was stroking you through the cotton.

you felt your cheeks get warm, your body getting hotter, and sweat beginning to form on your forehead.

merlin will he just get on to it! you thought as he continued to rub tiny circles under the place where you needed him most.

your clit throbbed for attention when he withdrew his hand.

and finally, he looked at you. that cocky smile on his face as if he knew how he could get you with just a matter of touches.

that cocky smile on his face turned wicked. and it scared you to no end because that smile couldn't mean good. you just hoped that right now he wouldn't leave you hanging.

luckily he seemed to have something else in mind as he.. as he dropped down on his knees..?

you gasped softly as he slid under your table and sat between your legs.

quickly around the room, you tried to search for anyone that might be looking your way. but it seemed that everyone was either sleeping or busy gossiping with their friends to notice them in the back. well unless you don't count hermione who was avidly writing down information and asking/answering questions.

you looked down again and by now he had your panties to your knees. looking at your signs to go on as if he didn't already know the answer.

you beckoned him to go on with a nod of your head and a desperate look on your face.

he thankfully got the point as he go to work spreading your legs and making more room for him to sit in.

you thought of what he might do but you didn't have to think long before he kissed the inside of your left thigh softly. a tease.

he licked and sucked both sides before even looking at your weeping cunt. by now his face was hidden under your skirt. his breaths are hot against your pussy, his glasses poking your thighs.

you swallowed as he placed a hot kiss right on your entrance. finger coming up to spread your wet folds to give him better access.

by now you were shaking most definitely, holding the edge of the desk and trying to not scream as his nose bumped your clit as a warning.

and then finally. finally, he wrapped his soft lips around your button. giving it a little suck and nibble before letting it go and doing it again.

you were clenching your teeth hard. so much so it hurt. to keep unholy noises from escaping your lips.

he did that pattern again and again, occasionally stopping to catch a breath or lick your entrance.

one of the fingers that spread you apart began gently probing at your hole until he pushed it inside. trying to find your pleasure spot as he searched your walls and fucked you on your finger.

soon enough, like it had come to him willingly begging to be touched. he found it and pushed it. pushed it and played with it until you were sporting salty tears in your eyes. your face contorted in a grimace as you desperately tried to cling onto any of your dignity as you let your partner spread you open and lick you like you were his favorite ice cream in the middle of class.

soon you were overstimulated with his mouth back to sucking your clit, his fingers fucking you apart, and his hair tickling your inner thighs.

you were so gonna cum all over his face the minute he did anything new. which he seemed to understand, unfortunately for you.

he kissed your clit one last time before you felt him spit on your cunt, spreading it around. getting you, even more, wetter before he took out his fingers and began devouring you.

and i mean completely.

his face pushed into your aching pussy as he moved his tongue all over your cunt leaving no room for a moment's breath.

you let out an undignified whimper as you released all over him. you were sure your cum was dripping down his neck but you couldn't care less as you slumped against the wall.

breathing hard as if you were the one on the floor eating you out. you felt dizzy and the moments after you came felt like a blur so when you finally came to reality.

everything was back in order.

harry had seemed to slip your panties back on, though he didn't clean the cum that was dripping down your leg; maybe it made him feel better that if somebody were to look too closely they would see his cum dripping down your leg.

he was back in his seat licking his fingers clean of your arousal and wiping his face with his robes as he continued taking notes and acting as if everything was normal when your whole world was shaking.

harry wasn't a savage so he layed a hand on your thigh. this time not sexual, but comforting. he scooted further near you so he was in level with your ear.

whisper sweet praises like "such a good girl" "did so well f'me" "kept quiet even if i didn't tell you" and such as he rubbed your body gently.

later on, at night he would run you a bath and wash you with the kindest hands, and the sweetest smile.

he'd wrap you in a warm blanket and dress you in his extremely comfortable clothes as you settled yourself in his bed.

head tucked under his chin so you could wrap your arms and legs around him.

he'd kiss your head and tell you sweet dreams and then you'd fall into a dreamless sleep thinking how life couldn't get any better than this.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

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anashins · 2 years

Text

Everything We Can't Forget

Title: Everything We Can't Forget

Pairing: Jaehyun x You

Genre: established relationship au, angst, drama, romance, smut

Warnings: pregnancy, abortion & miscarriage that might get mildly descriptive, smut, heavy angst

Word Count: 10k

Summary: When a heartbreaking tragedy strikes your relationship, an icy exterior frosts around your heart and your boyfriend is the main victim of the cold. In times of pain, it’s easier to push people away instead of letting them tear down your walls - until one day, they give up trying. But Jaehyun isn’t one of these people.

Jaehyun repeatedly fiddled with the keys in his hands, but he couldn't manage to push the right one into the hole, and you chuckled behind him as he then dropped the entire set, the alcohol already clouding your judgement.

“I swear, you're so going to regret making fun of me, y/n!”

Jaehyun still laughed along with you though when he picked the keys up from the ground and finally managed to open the door to his dorm. You both squeezed yourselves through the small frame to the inside, and instinctively, your bodies found each other while Jaehyun shut the door behind him with a kick.

“Yeah? Then make me regret it,” you challenged him.

Your lips connected in a deep and passionate way, your tongues moving in a rhythmic harmony that only fired up the physical attraction between you two, and you ran your hands over his shirt, tracing his abs with your fingers.

Being in your second semester at Seoul National University, you enjoyed your new life to the fullest, attending as many classes as possible, but also partying as much as possible since you had moved out of your parents' homes.

Luckily, you and Jaehyun had been able to stay a couple after getting together in your final year of high school unlike other pairs, and throughout the first two semesters, you had grown to love your boyfriend so much that you knew no man would ever compare to him anymore.

You considered yourself hella lucky.

And he knew.

Jaehyun tasted of alcohol and sweets as you still made out by the door after coming home from his friend's house party, and you two were so needily on heat that you had barely been able to keep your hands to yourselves at the gathering already. You wondered how you had even gotten here on time.

“Jump,” Jaehyun commanded.

Within a second, you had both of your legs wrapped around his waist, his fingers grabbing tightly on your bottom so that you wouldn’t fall. You slung your arms around his neck and grinded your groin against his, luring slight moans out of him that you suffocated with your lips.

Letting your tongue wander along the seam of his mouth, you searched for his tip, and upon finding it, you increased the intensity of your rocking motions, Jaehyun’s growing member pressing hard against you from below.

“In Taeyong’s bed?” Jaehyun muttered between kisses.

“Yeah!” you giggled.

Jaehyun moved with you to his roommate’s bed and placed you onto the mattress. He crawled between your legs, pulling up your dress as he made his way along your thighs with you mewling his name in approval.

“Remember not to be as loud as last time,” Jaehyun warned you playfully. “Otherwise, Ten will go berserk again, because he has classes tomorrow at 8 am and can hear everything through these thin walls.”

“Well, with what I will do to you, Jeong Jaehyun, I won’t be the problem here.”

“We’ll see.”

He leaned down to you and licked your earlobe, nibbling on the skin before he trailed his lips down to your neck and sucked on spots of which he knew you liked it there the most. Eager to finally have him inside you after a whole night of teasing at the party already, you cupped his face and brought his head close to yours, crushing your lips back onto his.

You then ran your hands along his covered chest until you found the area where his shirt was tucked into his jeans, pulling all the fabric out and helping him get rid of the clothing. After having Jaehyun take off your dress as well, you unbuckled his belt and tugged down his jeans along with his boxers.

His dick sprung free and you grabbed a hold of it, having him groan into your ear when you massages hard muscles between your palms.

“Hush! Didn’t you tell me to be quiet?” you laughed.

“Screw that guy Ten!”

Jaehyun’s gaze was filled with pure lust when you angled your body into him so that he was able to unclasp your bra and toss it on the ground. He took one of your nipples into his mouth, causing you to grasp his hair and scratch the back of his head as his tongue wetted your mound with a flick.

“Ohh… yes.”

His fingers played with your other breast, trailing his thumb over the sensitive peak in circular motions and sending shivers all down to your toes in the process. Jaehyun just knew his finger and mouth play way too well.

Getting rid of his jeans and boxers next, he also removed your soaked panties before he withdrew and spread your legs wide in front of his face.

“Are you nuts?” you chided quietly. “You told me to be quiet and now this?!”

You bit into your fist as you let your head fall back onto the pillow. He didn’t want to listen to you, you knew. The flesh on your fist gave in under your teeth as you bit into your skin when you felt Jaehyun’s wet tongue on your nether regions, draping your entrance.

Then, he licked you all up, and instinctively, you closed your thighs around his head, throwing your head aside. If only he knew how much mental strength it took you to hold it all in!

With the tip of his tongue, he dipped into you, then dragged it all along your folds, and you let out a little squeal. Arriving at your most sensitive spot, your boyfriend didn’t think of stopping here as this was where the real fun would actually start.

He rotated softly over your clit, rolling his tongue over it every now and then until the sensitive bundle of nerves was growing and swollen in his mouth. That was when he closed his lips over your clit and started sucking on it.

You bit into your hand even harder, turning and tossing in his roommate's bed and just wishing for the release to come so that you wouldn’t suffer anymore. Your whimpers fell from your pressed closed lips like a never ending melody as you simultaneously sensed a tight feeling coiling up inside you.

But then Jaehyun released you, and you didn’t know whether this was for better or for worse. The answer to your question came right after when he turned your body aside and threw one of your legs over his shoulder.

“This position…!”

His evil grin was answer enough. “What about it?”

He knew you equally hated and loved this position, because it was the one that worked the best for you orgasm-wise. But if you were going to do it this way, you wouldn’t only wake up Ten, but the whole dormitory.

“I hate you,” you grumbled.

“I know,” he chuckled mischievously.

Jaehyun pressed the tip of his dick against your entrance, precum already leaking from its head and coating your folds. He halted for a moment though to put on a condom which he got out of Taeyong’s nightstand.

Deliberately, he then pushed himself into you until he was fully sheathed inside. Giving you a moment to adjust, Jaehyun withdrew shortly and slammed right back into you a second later, causing you to desperately search for hold by his arms.

He gyrated his hips every time your bodies came back together to make sure that each thrust hit you where it felt the most pleasurable, and as he kept pumping away into you, the enjoyable friction between you two only increased. Jaehyun’s one hand was holding onto your bum to angle it perfectly while the other kept your spread leg in place over his shoulder.

You were a withering and whimpering mess under him, and even your hand couldn’t hold your moans back anymore. By all means, you didn’t want to hold it in anymore either. Screw Ten and the entire dormitory even!

“Yesyesyesyes,” you let slip from your lips. “Please, don’t stop!”

With each thrust that penetrated you deep inside, you sensed your orgasm nearing, and whenever he withdrew to only shove himself into you even harder than before, you felt like you would lose your mind, your moans mixing with his and the sounds of your bodies slamming against each other.

Your fingers clenched the sheets to the right and left of you, the fabric rubbing between your fingers before your hips rose up into Jaehyun’s and then, when you felt you had finally overcome the barrier, let yourself fall.

“Fuckfuckfuckfuck… Jaehyun!!”

Your body twisted uncontrollably under his as your orgasm took control over you, and Jaehyun groaned loudly at the same moment as he seemingly came in unison with you - a premier to you, you had to admit.

His chest was sweaty and irregularly heaving up and down as you laid on top of him, listening to the knocks that came from both of the room’s sides.

“It’s 3 in the morning, there are people who have classes tomorrow!” Ten’s voice.

And another one added from the other side, “We know how good you are Jaehyun, shut up already!”

You giggled light-heartedly while Jaehyun pressed a kiss on your forehead.

“Go to sleep, we’re done already!” he yelled back.

“You know that I didn’t mean it right?” you wanted to clarify. “I don’t hate you. I love you of course.”

“Of course you love me. What else?” Jaehyun responded nonchalantly.

“Yeah. What else?”

The moonlight illuminated his face that smiled at you, and even after he had long been asleep with you in his arms, you still admired his presence that had been by your side ever since the last year of high school and for many years more, you hoped.

There was just no better man.

____

Never in your life had you ever thought that this would happen to you.

Yet, you still stood here, in front of the clinic, reluctant to set a step on the stairs that would bring you inside.

You were trembling all over, not having been able to sleep, let alone to eat, and puking the entire morning because of nervousness. Or because of certain other reasons. At this point, you didn’t know for sure anymore.

When you had called the clinic to make the appointment, you knew that this wasn’t really you. It was only a robot that followed your counsellor’s advice, and because you were running out of time. In another world, this step wouldn’t be necessary. But in your world now, there was no other way.

You just wished that you wouldn’t feel like this though.

So sad and so guilty.

Instinctively, your hands wrapped around your lower abdomen as though you could protect what was inside, yet you knew it was too late. You had made the decision, and there was no way you could have decided differently. You had no other choice.

Always, you had been careful when it came down to protection. But when you had once run out of condoms and still couldn’t keep it in your pants, you thought that this time, it wouldn’t matter. Technically, according to your app, your ovulation was still days away, so you just went through with it.

What could happen, you had thought. You were so naive.

You always assumed you’d know what to do in this kind of situation. But the truth was that life didn’t prepare you for when this happened to you.

You were now in your second year of university with dropping out not being an option as you had no other way to secure your future if you would quit now, and the same applied to your boyfriend. You were aware of the fact that other couples would give anything to be in your shoes right now.

But you just weren’t one of them.

Yet, you couldn’t shake off the feeling that you were doing the tiny dot in your stomach wrong. Even though the thought of pressing a human living out of your body scared you to the bones as well as the thought of holding a breathing baby in your arms.

You just weren’t ready to be a parent yet.

“I’m sorry that I’m late.”

“Jaehyun…”

Your boyfriend stood in front of you, all sweaty and out of breath as he seemed to have run all the way here.

“I thought your exams-”

“You are more important than exams.” Jaehyun wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close. “How could I ever leave you alone in this situation?”

Your fingertips dug into his back and you shut your eyes closed. “I feel so bad… And I’m so scared.”

“That’s okay. Your controversial feelings are okay,” he tried to calm you down while rocking you in his arms. “It’s okay and normal to feel so scared and lost. We’ve talked about it for so long, y/n. Right now, it’s the best decision for our lives. We can’t provide a child with a secure future if we get one right now. Just because others would take another way doesn’t mean your decision isn’t justifiable.”

“It’s not even done yet, and I already think about what he or she could look like…”

Jaehyun’s hug got even tighter. “Me too. Me too…”

An adoption had also been ruled out by you as childbirth wouldn’t only horrify you and restrain your final year in university, but also keep you tied to an offspring for the rest of your life.

You couldn’t imagine always being with your thoughts by a child that was yours but also… kind of not, because it would never get the chance to be with you. Not a day in your life would pass without you searching for it when you were older. Or even plant the seed in your thought of keeping it after it was born.

But you couldn’t weigh either of these outcomes safely. If you would be able to, you would have perhaps decided differently. Whether your decision now was right, you sure wouldn’t sign that. But for you, it was the best one at this very moment.

“When the time is right…” You barely brought the following words over your lips, but Jaehyun already knew what you wanted to say.

“When the time is right, when we’re settled and on the same page, we will try again. This time then, for real. And we will provide that child with everything it needs, loving it unconditionally, every single day of our lives.”

“That sounds perfect.”

You both entered the abortion clinic together, and while you remained in the waiting room, filing out forms about your sexual and medical history, Jaehyun went to grab a coffee. Coming back, he just made it on time for you to be called to the treatment room.

“I’m here,” Jaehyun then told you, planting a kiss on your forehead. “You’ll be fine.”

You had to change into a hospital gown first only to get checked by the doctor a few minutes later whether you were really pregnant, because, even though the chance was so slim to have false positives on five occasions, they had to make sure officially.

You peed in a cup, then they did an ultrasound, and once they were convinced there truly was something inside of you, you waited again. You didn’t even remember how you spent the waiting time anymore before you got called to another room where another doctor got assigned to you.

Laying down on this other doctor’s table, you had to spread your legs wide, the woman to your left giving you an injection in the crevice of your arm.

“Please breathe normally,” she told you. “If you breathe so heavily, you’ll faint.”

You hadn’t even noticed that you were close to a panic attack, so you tried to gain control over your breathing rhythm and forced your body to behave in a way that would be beneficial to you in this situation.

You felt it hard and cold in your nether regions, slowly pushing inside of you, and your teeth sank into your bottom lip as the woman next to you held your hand. It felt like the worst menstruation cramps in your life to you while they did the procedure, and you were on the verge of crying the entire time.

Within a few minutes of carving and sucking, it was over.

“You’re free to dress now, Miss.”

When you descended from the doctor’s table, you were a whole other person, and your boyfriend knew the moment you returned to the waiting room. He didn’t only see it in the way your shoulders hunched and your steps got sluggish, but also in your eyes.

Those eyes that had once been so lively.

They hadn’t only sucked a life out of you, but also the life out of you.

During the 30 minutes which you had to spend in the waiting room before you were able to leave, silently holding your boyfriend’s hand, you didn’t say a word. Not even when another girl asked you how to fill out the form.

You laid in your dorm’s bed for the next three days, shutting the entire world off, and Jaehyun cancelled all classes just to be with you. You hadn’t expected it to be so hard, even though for weeks, you had weighed all the options.

Why was it then that now, you were longing for a child that hadn’t even seen the light of day?

You were walking around in your dreams, looking for your baby. You wanted to see it once, so you wondered whether you’d see it if you were searching in your dreams. But to no avail. Would you now be forever wandering, trying to get closure?

“I’m sorry,” were the first words that you said after three days, still in bed. “I’m so sorry.”

“To the baby?” Jaehyun asked, nestling up to you from behind.

He had sensed it without you even having to explain, that was how well he knew you.

You nodded. “For that I have brought him or her into this world, barely more than a few layers of tissues and barely bigger than an apple seed, and then taken it out of it again. In such a horrible way even without giving it a chance.”

Jaehyun tightened his embrace around you. He felt what you felt. “I believe he or she knows that if it were possible and how it was supposed to be, we would have kept our little boy or girl.”

Unfortunately, you hadn't been able to bring your daughter or son into this world as you were still a broken person in an environment that was spinning too fast, and you were trying to find your place in it. You were just building yourself back up and didn’t have enough to give to someone else too.

You couldn’t be that glimmer of hope, that role-model or that one person someone always depended on. You did not have the strength to fight for two people together. You couldn’t stand up for it either. Not yet. And the very same applied to your boyfriend.

“If everything would have been in place,” Jaehyun continued, “he or she should have been with us in an eight months time. But for us, it’s not now.”

You hoped that your child, who had never gotten to live, could forgive you as you had not done it because it was the best for you, but for your child as well. After all, great parents were the biggest gift one could receive, and you couldn’t give it to anyone right now.

But no matter how little of an entity it had been, in this short time span, it was wholeheartedly loved. You hoped it would at least hear your thoughts.

You let your tears flow while Jaehyun hugged you warmly from behind. When the time was right, you would be the greatest parents a child could have.

You promised that to the son or daughter you had just decided against.

____

“It’s nice, isn’t it?”

You walked into the empty living room, already furnituring every corner of the apartment in your imagination. This would be the second home of your very own after you had both graduated from university, and where your first flat together only consisted of one room in a rundown neighborhood, this one was not only bigger, but was also located in an upscale part of the city.

You had saved up and worked hard for a very long time to finally lead the life you had aimed for. Now, it would truly feel like coming home.

“Nice? No,” you disagreed and turned around to Jaehyun. “I love it!”

With your hands thrown in the air, you swirled around, your surroundings mixing together to a white blur. This would be your new home, a home where you would finally settle down and build a family together.

Now, you were ready.

You didn’t regret your abortion, yet it had still taken you about a year and many session with the university’s therapist to finally move on and continue with your life without thinking about how much your current action would affect your child if it would be with you right now.

Jaehyun had put up with all this, and as you came to a stop in front of him, you wondered, like every day, how you deserved to be with someone like him.

You lifted your arms and interlaced your fingers behind his neck, smiling at him while he rested his hands on either side of you.

“I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time,” he then told you.

You tilted your head. “It’s been two years since graduation. There have been many instances where I was happy.”

“Of course.” Jaehyun nodded. “But all this time… I had the feeling that it’s not the life you wanted. I get it… living in a tiny flat with a twenty minute walk to the next bus stop was not always the life you had dreamed of leading. Then, I realized… You weren’t satisfied with your life, because it wouldn’t be the one you wanted to offer to a potential child again. I promised to myself that, if it happens again, this time, we would keep it. And I started saving up quite a sum each month.”

His words touched you. “I really appreciate it. It’s okay though, we minimized the chances by getting an IUD. I’m not pregnant right now and will not be unless we decide for it.”

But that was not what he meant. “Come.”

Jaehyun let go of you, grabbed you by your hand and dragged you along the corridor to a door that led to a room you haven’t inspected yet.

“Another room? I thought we’d only have two?” you questioned. “That’s only what I was able to offer. Or was this sold at a special price?”

“I saw your struggles, your battles… inwardly and outwardly.” He put a hand on the door handle. “And I couldn’t do anything against it except for being by your side. Even then, I always thought it wasn’t enough, because I hadn’t been able to share the physical pain with you, and not even the emotional pain.”

You frowned. “Jaehyun, of course it’s always been enough, because you haven’t been anything but supportive towards me… So what is it? What’s behind this door?”

He pushed down the handle and opened it for you. While you stepped into the mysterious room, Jaehyun continued explaining, “The money I saved up didn’t go to waste. I wanted to be prepared. So… it went into other things such as looking for a flat that had an additional room, something bigger, nicer. This is not an invitation or anything. I just want to show you that this time, we won’t be having the same circumstances. I couldn’t be there for you the way I wanted to be as I lacked the materials, but this time, I will be prepared.”

You couldn’t believe what unfolded in front of your eyes.

You found yourself in a room almost as big as the bedroom, but already painted in a beige colour, and in the very middle of it stood a wooden crib. Approaching it in awe, you let your fingertips glide over the edges of the oval furniture that also already owned a mattress.

You were rendered speechless.

“I know we haven’t really talked about it again.” Jaehyun came closer to you. “And as I said, this sure shouldn’t sound like an invitation, but whatever will happen now, rest assured that I have it all covered.”

“An extra room for a potential baby?” You shifted to him. “I don’t know what to say… First… how dare you!”

“Saw this coming…” he only muttered.

“Not about the savings thing, because it’s your own money for sure, but how dare you go behind my back and just look for apartments with an additional room without consulting with me first! You knew quite well that I wouldn’t be able to afford it,” you scolded him sharply.

“Exactly because of this,” Jaehyun defended himself. “Because you wouldn’t have agreed.”

“I would have paid my fair share if it.”

“No offense, but I earn twice as much as you. I already had a hard time settling with the fact that you were adamant to exactly the half. But for this apartment, I won’t let you. I’m truly sorry that I went behind your back, but otherwise you wouldn’t have agreed.”

You crossed your arms in front of your chest. “I would have paid it back somehow. Or we would have looked in another neighbourhood, there would have been other options-”

“Can you drop the act already, hug me and say what a great boyfriend I am instead of playing pretend, because I see how to try to sup-… oh!”

The next moment, you had your arms wrapped around him and fell back into silence.

All this time, you hadn’t been aware of how Jaehyun felt. That he thought he had failed as well, but not once have you ever thought his acts weren’t enough. Yet again, he exceeded himself.

No man could hold a candle to him.

“Thank you,” you whispered.

Now, your life together could truly start.

____

You woke up not feeling very well that morning.

From the moment you opened your eyes, you had a feeling that something just wasn’t right. And as you grew able to realize what was wrong with you, you located a sharp, dull pain in your lower abdomen. With sweat already breaking from your forehead, you were wide awake now and sat up, pulling the blanket from your body.

And then, you screamed.

When Jaehyun, who was busy washing up in the bathroom to get ready for work, stormed back into the bedroom, he saw you sitting in a puddle of fresh blood, your face stricken with horror and fright.

He was by your side within seconds, making sure that you were addressable despite the blood loss.

“The baby…” you whispered as you faced your boyfriend, but also looked right through him. “THE BABY!”

You were at the hospital within the next fifteen minutes, and even though Jaehyun was by your side at all times, holding your hand and telling you that everything was going to turn out fine, it was still the longest and hardest minutes in your young life so far.

Arriving at the specific ward, you got referred to a gynecologist right away, your partner having to wait outside.

Silent and with attentive eyes, you watched the doctor putting the gel on your abdomen and then rolled the device over your skin. The ultrasound displayed on the screen next to you looked weird. And it was unbelievably quiet in the room.

That was when you carefully brought over your lips, “The… heartbeat. W-why… why isn’t there a heartbeat? W-why can’t I hear a heartbeat?”

“Misses Jeong, did you have a spotting prior to the heavy bleeding this morning?” the doctor asked you, her eyes focused on the screen as well.

“Only a little. But my gynecologist said that is normal to occur during pregnancies… and then this suddenly happened overnight.”

“Miss…” The gynecologist turned to you, her eyes as soft as her voice, but also full of sympathy. “Please wait outside, I’ll call you in again.”

That moment, you knew that you had miscarried, she wouldn’t even need to call you in for that. Yet, you were still full of hope, putting fears and doubt to the very back of your mind and just talked yourself into mishearing the sounds as you were still in a shock.

There was no way the heavens would let you experience something so seriously, deeply heartbreaking. They wouldn’t let this happen to you, it wasn’t fair to a good person like you who had done nothing wrong in her entire life.

Except for… You gulped.

Your hands were red from all the kneading during the many minutes of waiting, and when the doctor finally called you back in with Jaehyun, you could already read the answer from her face.

“I’m sorry to say this, but I cannot find a fetus.”

“What…” You weren’t sure whether your words were even loud enough for her to hear. “I am nine weeks in. Of course there needs to be a fetus. We could even hear a heartbeat last time, why shouldn’t it be there anymore? Please check again!”

Only a week prior at your gynecologist’s, Jaehyun had held your hand as you both watched the tender outline of your future child and its audible heartbeat filling the room. You had been so happy back then, you thought your heart was going to burst with bliss.

This child was an absolute planned child, and even though it had taken you a whole year to finally conceive again, you were so ready to welcome a baby into your lives.

And now, everything had changed.

“I still have to take your blood to check on the HCG levels, Miss. But I’m sorry to say that you have misc-”

No, you didn’t want to hear it.

So you shut down the entire time the doctor spoke to you in her sympathetic voice that wasn’t able to reach you. When she presented to you the results of the HCG levels later, you also weren’t able to hear her which was why she turned to your boyfriend instead and explained to him that indeed, you weren’t pregnant anymore.

It was the worst day of your life, the most heart-wrenching thing you had to experience.

The entire car ride home, you had your gaze directed to the side window where you watched people enjoying their seemingly unburdened lives outside, and every time you spotted a baby or a young child, you got even sadder as you realized that your own child would never be among them.

At home, Jaehyun placed you on the couch for the time he cleaned the bed and the sheets. When he finally helped you onto the neat bed, you weren’t able to leave it for a long while.

You fell heavily depressed and wept uncontrollably if you weren’t sleeping, writhing or screaming in pain, first on the bed only, then wherever you needed to function: in the bathtub, on the kitchen floor, all while Jaehyun had his arms wrapped around you, refusing to let you go until you had calmed down.

You’d never get to see the child you had anticipated to bring into this world so much. It would always be remembered as an ultrasound picture with a blip on it, its heartbeat audible for you whenever you closed your eyes, yet you had loved it so deeply already.

Perhaps, you then started to think, fate wanted exactly that.

For you to suffer.

On one day, you found yourself sitting in the unfinished nursery, weeping bitterly again while holding onto the wooden bars and imagining the child that would have gotten the chance to lie in there - if only you had been more careful, not that stressed, eaten the right thing for only that crucial chunk of time or simply… wouldn’t have aborted the first one.

“You hungry?” you heard your boyfriend ask from the door.

Since he was home, it must be late in the evening already. You had totally lost track of time as you had gotten here early in the morning after waking up. Or had it been midday already?

“Back then in university,” you started speaking, your voice sounding alien to your ears, “I thought couples with a direct wish to have children took months and years to get pregnant. And out of all these couples, we were blessed with the fact that it had worked without us even actually trying for it. And we got an abortion.”

Jaehyun sucked in a rush of air. “Those people decided to have one. And we decided against one. We’re humans with a free will, nobody can hold it against us. Nobody will.”

“Except for myself.”

He walked around the crib and crouched down on the other side, making eye contact with you. “Don’t do that… Please don’t think like that.”

Your fingers clenched around the bars even tighter. “If… If I hadn’t have the abortion, we would be blessed with a child now. But… but I decided against a baby, because I was so selfish and thought the time and circumstances weren’t right. Our baby now was more developed than the one we have decided against. What gives us the right to decide that we wanted this one but the other not? And now that I want one desperately, I won’t get the chance. This is my punishment for what I’ve done. I know it. Fate refuses to let me experience motherhood.”

Your boyfriend remained quiet for a long time. “It’s not only you, y/n. It’s us. Don’t just burden your own heart with it, because I’m hurting too. But it’s all out of our control, whether someone lives or dies.”

“But we have made this decision for our first baby.”

“Life is never set in stone, we don’t know the future so we can’t always act accordingly. What just happened doesn’t have anything to do with the past. Perhaps, our first child would have lived… but perhaps, the possibility of losing it by the same time would be just as high. The doctor elucidated you about the possibility that losing an embryo and later on fetus within the first three months is high. It’s not your fault from the past, nor from the present.”

But to you, it felt entirely different. There was rarely a moment when you didn’t continue feeling ashamed, hopeless and heartbroken.

“I’m not hungry,” you said dryly, not going into Jaehyun’s statement.

“You haven’t eaten anything in days. You can’t continue like this, y/n. You’ll be harming your body eventually. I even cooked your favorite food again. At least a few spoonfuls, will you?”

“I said I’m not hungry.” You bit into your bottom lip, your boyfriend’s disappointed face totally passing by you. “Please leave me alone again.”

In your world, he didn’t understand you. In your world, he didn’t try to feel what you were feeling. In your world, you were entirely alone with the pain.

Curling up on the floor again, you hugged your knees and stared at the crib from below. You wondered whether this pain would ever subside. Even if not, then that was probably what you deserved for what you had done to your first child.

You were broken in two.

And Jaehyun just didn’t know how to help you.

____

It was hard for you to not feel resentful about other people’s happiness, being jealous of women who proudly displayed their pregnancy all over social media. It was hard to look around, seeing mothers with their children and not to think,

“Okay, they didn’t abort, neither did they miscarry. What have they done in their young lives to be blessed with a child then, and why was I not good enough?”

You blamed your doctor for not having discovered the possibility of complications sooner, you blamed the glass of wine you drank before knowing you were pregnant, you blamed your boyfriend for…

for just everything.

Over the next couple of weeks, you grew brutally mean to Jaehyun. An icy exterior frosted around your heart, and he was the main victim of the cold.

You were in so much emotional and mental pain that you didn’t know how to verbalize any of it. Partially, because you didn’t want to talk about it, but also because you didn’t know where to start. So you did what was a normal human reaction: you pushed him away.

But the more you built walls, the more your boyfriend did everything to tear them down.

On one day, you found a set of fresh flowers on the dining table. Peonies. Your favorite ones. As you touched one blossom, you smiled for the first time in a very long period. But then, you remembered that if your baby had been born a girl, you would have painted peonies on the walls.

“Do you like them?” Jaehyun asked you.

“Take them away,” was your harsh answer.

On another day, you left the bedroom and noticed a delicious smell that was lingering in the kitchen. Jaehyun had cooked you dinner, but today would mark another month when you had lost the baby, and that date, you usually spent grieving.

“Come eat,” he invited you.

“I’m not hungry,” you brushed him off.

On a weekend, a wedding invitation from Jaehyun’s former roommate Taeyong came in by mail. But you haven’t had any social interaction in months, having totally forgotten how to be a productive member of society.

“You want to go? Otherwise…”

“No.”

Jaehyun brought you flowers, cooked you your favorite food, never pressured you to go out or to even function properly. He gave you space when you asked, but always made sure that he was there. He didn’t hold any reaction against you, regardless of how harsh or cruel you were to him.

He endured it all.

Letting you cope and grieve, he didn’t try to make it all go away. He didn’t try to fix you. He waited around, waited for you to be ready to pick up your broken pieces and continue living, no matter how long it would take you.

Yet, it still wasn’t enough. Everything he did was never never enough for you.

Though you blamed Jaehyun, him being the one you let it out on, most of all, you blamed yourself. Your sorrow was your punishment you learnt to live with, and a tiny part of you was envious that he wasn’t feeling it just as hard.

“Where are you going?”

You found Jaehyun standing in the living room one day, next to him a suitcase. You thought there was a business trip you had missed that he was joining, but he was still in his house clothes, facing you with a serious expression.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He rolled the suitcase to his front. “This is yours, packed with clothes and toiletries.”

“Okay.” You frowned. “And why?”

“Because you’ll be the one leaving.”

Taken aback, you were also totally confused. “I don’t understand…”

“Listen…” He approached you and cupped your face, looking at you with a gentle expression. “I love you more than anything in the entire world. This is why it hurts so much to know that you currently despise me.”

“I don-” You paused.

Did you still love him? Of course. More than anything in the entire world as well. But your boyfriend was also the person you wanted to see the least of right now. One didn’t exclude the other.

“I know that you love me, too. But at the same time, you can’t look me in the eyes, you can’t touch me and you can’t be near me anymore. I tried to make your life as easy as possible, but… I can’t anymore. It’s okay to be sad and to cry, and to miss our unborn child. I do too. So very badly,” Jaehyun confessed to you. “But I can’t carry both of our weights anymore. I’m tired.”

All of this, you hadn’t been aware of.

Throughout your veil of depression, you hadn’t been able to see that your boyfriend was suffering too. You had hidden yourself behind your icy walls, leaving him to suffer all by himself instead of letting him in and share your pain.

And now, you’d lose him too.

“No, Jaehyun, I-” Tears started flowing down your cheeks. “Don’t leave me alone, please!”

“I’m not leaving you.” He brushed with his thumbs over your skin, wiping away the tears. “I’ll be here. Always. I just want to give you time for yourself in an environment away from here, because this is where I am, where the events took place. How will you be able to move on when everything here reminds you of our past children?”

“I just don’t want to lose you too,” you cried to him.

“You won’t lose me. But if we continue like this…” He held his breath for several seconds. “I don’t know what might happen. We aren’t arguing, we aren’t speaking… we aren't doing anything at all. This is not a relationship, and I won’t be here to only serve as your punching bag. I’m doing this to salvage what we once had.”

“But I can’t do it without you.”

“You must. I’m only a hindrance to you. And I get it. With me, you can’t forget. I was supposed to be the father of the babies, and when you see me, you see the children you never had, am I right? You can’t get over it.”

His light smile was fading into a sorrowful one, and you wondered whether he was right. If you only continued suffering because of him - the person who was supposed to be there for you, who gave his all for your wellbeing...

… to whom you couldn’t return a single ounce of it.

“Where are you sending me to?”

“To your parents’ house.”

He planted a kiss on your forehead - the first intimate touch you had let happen after weeks of shutting yourself off.

The doorbell rang.

“That’s your father.” Jaehyun rolled the suitcase to the door. “You can stay for as long as you want and need. May it be a few days, weeks, months…” He didn’t dare to speak out what followed after months. “If you decide to come back here, I’ll be waiting. The door is always open for you.”

You closed your eyes as he took your cold hands into his warm ones. “Okay.”

“It’s the right decision for us right now. Just please… I don’t want to lose the girl I fell in love with.”

But you long knew that you were an entirely different person again now.

____

One day, when you suddenly cried in your parents' living room, your dad put a hand on your shoulder and told you, "You've got to be like a stake in the sand: all you can do is stand there and let the waves break over you."

That was the best way in which you could describe what it felt like in the weeks and months following the miscarriage and your physical separation. The waves would break as you cried at night and swallowed it all down in the morning.

Sometimes, they would break when you stood with your mother in the kitchen, preparing the food. Sometimes, they would break when you were playing cards with your father. Sometimes, they would break when you went out with their dog.

They broke whenever and wherever they wanted, and they were unpredictable and different in their size and length.

Between the waves, you tried to pick up the simplest social interactions again like meeting up with friends, going on a run, visiting the cinema or merely talking to your parents. They started off difficult at first, almost robotic, but the more you came back to life, the realer socializing felt again.

The pain wouldn’t go away though. Not for a long while, you knew that. You'd get through each day however you could - wine, TV, work - and the waves would break.

Memories would surface, some people would say insensitive things that they didn’t really mean, others would be endlessly supportive, and the waves would break and break and break until you grew accustomed to them.

Amidst the storms, you totally forgot about Jaehyun.

You also realized that he was the weight, bound to your feet, that would always drag you down whenever you tried to swim to the surface. He had been right. With him by your side, there was no way for you to rise from the ocean of sorrow. With him, you couldn’t move on.

So you left your boyfriend, the father of your children, back on the deep ground. And you scarily grew used to a life without him.

It was the second month at your parents’ house when you suddenly discovered something odd in the garden.

“What’s that?”

Still in your pajamas, as it was early in the morning, you walked to the outside with the dog by your side who was already running towards the spot with a waggly tail. Arriving by it, he sniffled at the flowers. And you did the same.

In a corner of the garden, by the other trees and bushes, you had spotted peonies. It was like they had magically grown overnight, a full bush of pink blossoms, right here where you could see it from your old room.

“Isn’t it thoughtful?” Your father approached you from behind.

“Did you do this?” you asked him, totally touched, but he shook his head.

“Jaehyun stopped by later last night and planted this. It was already late and you were sleeping, so I decided not to wake you up.”

“Jaehyun did this?”

“Yes.”

You bit down your tears.

You hadn’t spoken to Jaehyun in two months all while you were here, and he had neither tried to contact you. While you were trying to come back to life, you assumed that the same applied to him.

Dragging him down with your sadness too, you both couldn’t get over the events while being tied down to the other one. It was the right choice for you as individuals for sure. You just wondered whether two puzzle pieces, that had fit perfectly together before but now forged into something new, could fall back together to a unity.

“He’s a great guy,” your father commented. “He must have thought of you and missed you very badly.”

He truly was, and you suddenly felt like a bad person.

“What is it that weighs so heavily on your heart, dear?” he then asked you.

“I- I can’t go back to him, dad,” you stuttered. “I… I can’t do it. When I’m with him, I’m always reminded of the past… of the children we couldn’t have. How am I supposed to move on, to get over it, when everything I see, when I look at him, is the past and not the future?”

The morning wind was chilly, but your father’s consistent reassuring gesture as he put his hand on your shoulder again, gave you a bit of warmth.

“I don’t believe you see the past when you look at him. I believe what makes you so sad is that you saw your future shatter.”

“Sh… shatter?”

It had all happened so fast. So fast that you hadn’t even really had time to bond, connect or feel like this pregnancy was yours. Because of that, the grief felt so different. Almost like you were not grieving the pregnancy, but the dreams and hopes and promises of what that pregnancy meant for your future.

That you were trying to fix what had gone wrong in the past.

“No… We lost our future. He lost his future too.”

It wasn’t like you didn’t want to see Jaehyun. You were avoiding him.

Jaehyun had wanted that baby so badly and you were consumed with doubt. You haven't forgiven yourself for the events, always placing the blame on yourself, and whenever you saw him, you saw all the great things in life you weren’t able to offer to him because you couldn’t even carry out the simplest tasks - such as keeping a baby.

“I took away his opportunity to be a father.”

“Dear... “ Now your father pulled you into an embrace. “Don’t ever think like that. Even Jaehyun doesn’t blame you, so don’t do that as well. Especially not for robbing him of his future. Life is a miracle. It’s all out of our control whether someone lives or dies, and we need to realize how amazing it is how babies are made. Cherish every moment you live and be thankful for every moment you have with your loved ones.”

“He’s right.”

You opened your eyes, wide. As you pulled away from your father and turned around, you encountered your boyfriend, standing in that exact garden he had been to the night before as well.

He smiled at you, gently. “The loss of our child was also a loss of hope, trust and confidence. Mourning felt… useless, futile and endlessly frustrating. We were fighting hard to reestablish peace and equilibrium in our lives. But there was always something that would throw us back into the pit, might it have been a dish, a flower or a song. It felt like trying to dry off while standing under a fountain.”

“Why do you still want to be with me then?” you managed to whisper, wiping a tear from your cheek.

“Because for me, there is no future without you.” He drew closer to you and tucked a strand of your hair that had gotten loose behind your ear. “You haven’t robbed me of anything. We’re all not perfect, and sometimes in life, we make decisions we later on happen to regret. But what we can do is continue walking along our path into a brighter future. And my future is you.”

You tilted your head and snuggled into his palm, relishing the comfort. “But I’m a different person now again. Do you… still want me?”

“I will welcome every person you evolve into with open arms.”

Back then, the abortion had been the right decision for you, and it wasn’t something you could undo. What had happened to your second child was something entirely out of control. If you wanted to move forward, you had to leave the past behind.

And forgive yourself.

Slowly, you nodded. “I want to go home.”

Maybe you'd get pregnant again, but maybe you wouldn’t. Maybe you'd have all the time and space you needed for your recovery, but maybe the waves would only grow larger in size.

And when they broke, like a stake in the sand, you'd be weather-beaten, but you'd be standing.

With Jaehyun by your side.

____

The past events taught you a lesson about building strength in times of strife and unconditional love for your life partner, a lesson about persevering through life's many mishaps more than anything else that had ever come before it, and also an inspiring and courageous lesson about how strong you actually were.

You, and all the other women who went through the same, were resilient.

Your bodies and minds bounced back and became whole again. You became whole again as you learned to be more gentle with yourself and that time really did heal, but the sadness never really went away.

You were not hurting anymore, but would always remember the babies that you never got to hold or kiss goodnight. And that was alright, not to be able to forget. No one expected that from you.

“You coming to bed?” Jaehyun asked you from the other room.

“Yes, be there in a second.”

Pain had shaped you into the person you were now, and instead of shaking it off, you had let it become a part of you that you had turned into something fruitful.

You learned to empathize a lot better than before you had experienced all this. Going through something like a miscarriage opened your eyes to the world around you. You realized bad things happened and you might never know what someone had gone through, or what someone was currently going through.

It taught you to be a little more compassionate with people, because you had no way of knowing if they too were hurting inside, no matter how trivial or heavy the reason might be. Your friend could have had a bad day and didn’t voice it out. That mother in the park could have just lost a child as well. That man at the bar could be going through a separation.

Most of all though, what these losses had also taught you was to appreciate the things that went right in your life.

Like when a year after you had miscarried, you suddenly spotted two stripes on the pregnancy test you only took nonchalantly because you had missed a period, which was very unlikely for your cycle.

When you had screamed that morning in the bathroom, Jaehyun thought that something must have happened as he was close to breaking through the door. What he surely hadn’t expected was you holding a positive test under his nose.

You hadn’t purposely tried. You hadn’t even talked about going for another child yet as, after your physical separation, you were busy finding your way back to each other as a couple. It was very rough at times, and there were instances where you had thought about giving up entirely.

But your past had taught you to not only be gentle with yourself, but also to your boyfriend when things got hard. It taught you that this was exactly what commitment was about - getting through the hard stuff and drudging through the grief sludge together.

Cherishing the man who walked alongside you.

“Here I am!”

You slipped under the covers and nestled up to Jaehyun who quickly switched off the light so that the bedroom was now only illuminated by the city lights and the moon that shone through the window.

“Finally, I have you all to myself.” His fingers slipped under your top, along your flat belly and rested right under your navel. “Six weeks are over now.”

You blinked in confusion. “Six weeks of what?”

“Six weeks of no sex!”

“Have you truly been counting weeks until now?” you chuckled.

Almost proudly, he responded, “I even marked it in my calendar! Why do you think I came home earlier from work than usual?”

“Aha, I see.” You smirked. “So it just wasn’t about my delicious food, huh?”

In his eyes, you could see the Jaehyun from back then in university showing when he got all cheeky and horny. There had been a time when you thought you would never get to see this side of him again as it was incredibly hard for you to rebuild intimacy after you had returned home.

In the beginning, there was no intimacy at all and you had to start from the beginning, overcoming the fear of letting someone so close to you after a trauma as well as getting pregnant again.

When it had finally happened though, you were on the same page again - emotionally, physically, mentally,

Jaehyun kissed your lips, and you giggled light-heartedly as you wrapped your arms around him. Pushing him backwards, you straddled him on his lap with both of your thighs on either side of his.

“You really ready again?” he asked, resting his hands on your waist. “We can still wait, though.”

But you shook your head. “I feel ready.”

“Okay. But tell me immediately when it hurts.”

You bent down to him, your lips capturing his once again as the tips of your hair grazed his shoulders. He ran his hand through your strands, holding your head in place, while the other found its way under your top, crawling up your back.

His touches felt so familiar, yet so new again as you had missed out on them for not only the past six weeks, but months. That was why they probably seemed more intense now as Jaehyun rubbed patterns on your skin, leaving trails that carved themselves into your memory.

With one smooth motion, you removed your top and tossed it aside, but before you were able to close the gap between you and Jaehyun with another kiss, he sat up himself and rose to your field of vision.

Jaehyun made eye contact with you for a long while so that you slightly became embarrassed.

“What is it?” you asked, bashful.

“You’re so beautiful,” he muttered.

He knew exactly how much you were continuously struggling with your body, having a hard time accepting that a bit of more weight was still a part of you now, but he made sure that he took his time telling you exactly the opposite.

Jaehyun’s lips closed around your nipple, and you threw your head back, your mouth agape while you let him suck on your sensitive spot. You hadn’t quite felt like yourself lately, but he made sure that you’d still feel like a desirable woman around him.

When your lips found each other again, Jaehyun promised you, “I won’t let you off so easily tonight, I swear.”

His fingers hooked into the waistband of your panties and you were eagerly fumbling with the hem of his shirt when the romantic atmosphere suddenly got interrupted by a familiar noise.

You both freezed, your gazes turning to the nightstand while sending a quick prayer towards heaven. But then, mere seconds later, the long delayed scream followed from the baby phone,

“Waaaaaaaah!”

That was the end of your makeout session.

With a groan, you let go of Jaehyun and reached for your bathrobe, but Jaehyun held you back.

“I’m going,” he offered and arose.

“You sure?” you asked. “You have to work tomorrow.”

“It’s okay.” He winked at you when he stood by the door. “I still need your energy for later. When I come back, you’re completely naked.”

In the child’s room, Jaehyun turned on a dim light and approached his six-week-old daughter who was lying in her crib.

“What is it, honey?” he asked and took her out of the bed. “Are you hungry?” He looked her deeply in the eyes, and she returned his gaze with the same intensity, having stopped crying altogether after her father had lifted her up. “No? Okay. Do you have a tummy ache?... No? Okay. What could it be? Maybe your diapers?... No, they’re still dry.”

Jaehyun cradled her tenderly against his chest, and she let out a chortle which made him smile.

“Ah, I see, you only wanted your daddy to carry you. So let’s walk a bit until you’re asleep again, shall we?”

You hadn’t been able to help yourself and sneaked out to watch them with a smile - your now fiancé and your beloved baby.

All this time, you had thought that a new baby would make up for all the pain, fulfilling your lives after this blessing had slipped through your fingers twice already, working towards this only one future.

But you were wrong.

Your daughter had not been born with a job. It was not her responsibility to fill the void inside of you or be a replacement for her lost siblings. She was not a resolution to hard times, nor the means to end your grief.

Because you weren’t grieving for her. She was not them.

She was your own, little happiness, the result of pure love. When she had first seen the light of day, she didn’t make you whole again. She made your lives perfect as you were already whole.

You would never forget about the babies you weren’t able to have, but you wouldn’t put this weight on your daughter’s shoulder. You would carry it yourself. One day, perhaps, you would tell her about what a miracle she was.

A miracle because, during that certain time in life, she had decided to come into your lives, screaming and determined to make the most out of her parents.

And this time, she was able to stay.

#jaehyun #jung jaehyun #jeong jaehyun #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun smut #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun x you #nct imagines #nct smut #nct scenarios #nct x you #nct x reader #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop x you #kpop x reader #my writing #one shot

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m-jelly · 2 years

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Heyyyy requests are BACK OPEN! How are u girl?? I missed causing anarchy in you inbox lol.

I wanted to be the first to ask, dunno if I made it but it's the intention that counts. I really love your writing and I can't get enough of it,,,, so I have an ask 😁

As you may know now, I love an angst, so how about when reader is kinda gossiping w her friends she finds out Petra likes Levi and her father think they should get married soon, so she just like shuts out from the world, get more quiet to try to get rid of her feelings for Levi.

And when he confesses to her (or tries to get her on a date, if that's more like him), she is just like "I want to buy I can't" so his reaction is ??????

And maybeee a bit inspired by "Slow dancing in the dark" by Joji, kinda like "u should be w her, I can't compete" "don't follow me, I'll end up in your arms" vibe.

I hope Ur okay w it my sweet queen and favorite author in the entire tumblr 💗 💓 💖

Well, well, well, who do we have here. Hello there. All my love to you too! You're incredible and wonderful <3 Thank you for being here.

I wish I was her.

Pairing: Levi x Reader

Genre and tags: Romance, love, hidden feelings, canon world, confessions, Levi confesses, emotional, angst, happy ending.

Concept: You've fallen for Levi and have loved him for a long time. You're ready to confess, but you hear Petra talking about her Captain and how she loves Levi and her father approves. You like Petra and believe she deserves happiness, so you shut down emotionally and pour yourself into work. Levi notices the change and decides now is his chance is to ask you on a date. You refuse and admit you'd love to. You both talk and you finally tell him why you're holding back.

No Petra hate in this story. Please no Petra hate in the comments, this story is simply falling in love with someone and your friend loves the same person and how hard it can be.

You sat on the training grounds with your books and papers. You were a top researcher for the scouts and never went out to fight titans, you just stayed behind and tried to make improvements to the scouts in all aspects.

You frowned when you heard talking getting closer. You looked up to see the cadets coming over. "Hello, ladies."

Nanaba sat down and smiled. "Hey. You are lost in work again."

Petra picked up some papers. "You're amazing! Look at all of this."

You blushed. "Oh, I'm nothing compared to you ladies. You kill titans and I just sit on my ass all day."

Nanaba frowned. "Your research helps us."

Petra nodded. "She's right. You've helped us improve so much." She smiled a little. "Must be nice seeing your hard work pay off. Plus, you get to work closely with all the commanding officers."

You thought about how much Levi wanted to work with you and how that led to you falling in love. "Yeah, it's nice, but you get to fight with them."

Nanaba groaned. "Mike isn't that fun to work for. He teases me all the time."

"Maybe he likes you."

She blushed. "Oh, I dunno."

Petra smiled. "I agree, he might." She nibbled her lip. "I know someone I'd like to have feelings for me."

You looked at Petra. "Who's that?"

Nanaba smirked. "I think I know. A certain cleaning obsessed Captain."

Your stomach dropped as Petra blushed. "You're in love with Levi?"

Petra nodded. "Yes. I'm in love and I've told my father about him. Father said we should hurry up and marry because Levi is a good strong man."

You smiled a little as you held back tears. "I think you two would make the perfect couple. I really do. You both enjoy cleaning, and tea and you're both skilled soldiers. It's a perfect match."

Nanaba hummed. "It seems so."

Petra laughed. "Oh, well I don't know, but I wouldn't mind being with him."

You slapped your book closed. "Wouldn't mind? Petra, clear your head of all the mess and answer fast. Do you want to be with Levi?"

"Yes."

"Do you love Levi?"

"Yes!" She gasped. "Oh, I didn't...huh...you're amazing."

You smiled at her as you cried inside. "It works so well." You hummed a laugh. "When it comes to love and wanting someone, we hesitate. Just go for it. We live a life where we can die any day. Don't die with regrets." You gathered your things up. "It's lunch. We should head inside."

Nanaba walked with you. "You're pretty smart."

You hummed. "I'm not smart in the sense most people think of, but I am people smart." You smiled at both ladies. "I just have this click in my head."

"That's kind of useful."

"Not when titans are the threat. Maybe if it were humans."

Petra opened the doors to the mess hall. "Oh, Levi's here. You joining us for food?"

You shook your head. "I have a paper to finish, but you go ahead."

She frowned a little. "But you always eat with Levi and the others."

You looked over at Levi to see he'd noticed you. "Ah, not always." You looked back and smiled. "Maybe you should join him Petra." You backed up. "I'm going to be in my office finishing work. I have food in there, so I'll be okay." You waved. "Bye."

You kept smiling as you walked away from them. As soon as no one could see you, your smile dropped as you felt your throat close up from holding back sobs. You held kept it together as you ran to your office. You slammed the door shut and held back making your head and chest burn.

You controlled your breathing. You closed your eyes and took in deep slow breaths until your body had calmed down fully. You approached your desk and put your things down. You slapped your cheeks and focused. You knew Petra deserved happiness because she worked so hard. Petra was the most wonderful person you knew and she was so very strong.

You sat down and felt the world close in around you. You knew that to give Petra her happiness, you had to throw away your feelings for Levi. You were going to stay in your office as much as possible. People wouldn't bat an eye at it because you were often in your office working hard.

You lost track of time and days because you threw yourself into your work. You didn't socialise with anyone. You avoided your friends and colleagues and just told them that you were working on something big and you were on a roll with your work.

You worked so hard that you lost weight, slept at your desk and even had a small nosebleed one day. You got so weak and tired from overworking, that one day you passed out making your head slam against your desk. You passed out and fell into a deep sleep with your head on the desk.

Levi had been worried sick about you. He knew something wasn't right when you stared at him in the mess hall, then ran off. He hadn't seen you for almost a week and it scared him. He cared about you so much that spending a day without you was torture.

He tried to see you and whenever he did, you were either in your bathroom, in your bedroom or out getting food. Levi was beginning to suspect you were avoiding him. He'd had enough and his heart was screaming your name.

He opened your office door and saw you lying on your desk. He called your name softly, but you didn't respond. He closed the door behind him and walked right over to you. He said your name again, but still nothing. He panicked. He ran over to you and checked your pulse.

Levi let out a sigh of relief. "Tch, shit brat. You are sleeping like the dead." He lifted you up to sit back. "Brat...you look like shit." He picked you up like a bride, and then carried you into your bedroom. "What the hell is going on with you?" He lay you on the bed, then tended to you and made sure your head was cleaned up because you banged it badly. "Silly brat."

You inhaled and opened your eyes. "Where am I?"

"In bed in your room."

You blushed when you registered who was with you. "Levi?" You sat up. "Wh-what are you doing here?"

He held your shoulders. "You should lie down."

You shook your head and pushed Levi's hands off you. "I'm perfectly fine. I don't need to."

He let out a long sigh. "Do it for me, please. I'm worried sick about you."

You welled up. "Don't say things like that."

"Why?"

You rubbed your tears. "Because you give me hope."

"Hope?" He lightly touched your cheek. "Speak brat. Don't act like you can't shit."

You looked away. "Hope that you like me more than a friend."

He blushed at your words. He ran his thumb over your bottom lip. "But I do like you more than a friend. I have been dying to ask you on a date, but you locked yourself away. So, do you want to go on a date? I'll set up a nice dinner under the stars. I've planned it all."

You welled up. You gasped and shook as you fought emotions. "I really want to, but I can't."

"Can't? What do you mean you can't?" He cupped your neck. "Are you sick or something? That's okay I'm happy to wait."

You pulled his hands off you. "I can't because of Petra."

"Petra?"

You nodded and sniffed. "She's a dear friend to me and she confessed that she's in love with you and her father approves. Her father even wants you both to get married."

"M...m..." Levi groaned. "Tch, shit. I didn't know she felt that way."

You rubbed your tears. "You and her are a wonderful match. You should get together. You'll be happy and good."

He frowned. "But I don't want her. I respect her as a soldier. She's an impressive woman, but my heart belongs to you. I'm in love with you."

You blushed. "You shouldn't love me."

"Why?"

"Because I love you so deeply. I've loved you for a long time!" You shook a little. "I can't betray my friend! She wants you and no one knows I love you. People will think I'm a terrible person. I am terrible for wanting you and loving you."

Levi pulled you into a hug. "No, no you're not. You can love whoever you want, okay? You're allowed to love me. I love you so deeply." He pressed his forehead against yours. "My heart beats to your name. My body aches to be held by you. I can't let you go. I need you. I want you. Allow yourself to love me. If you don't, you'll keep doing this for the rest of your life. People fall in love and get crushes all the time. I love you and I'm sure as shit that someone else in the scouts loves you as well, but I'm not going to hold back because I can't predict who you love. I love you and you love me, so we should be together. I'm sorry to the people who love you and me, but we have a shot. Don't throw it away by being selfless."

You panted as emotions surged through you. You wanted to hold back and let Levi be Petra's, but it was so hard when Levi was talking about loving you and not Petra. You didn't want to be selfish and put your love for this man first, but you did.

You pressed your lips against Levi's and hummed in happiness. You let the tears flow as Levi cupped your face and kissed you with fire in his heart. His kisses were possessive, desperate and loving. You were both breathless in the moment. You lost all strength when Levi's tongue slipped into your mouth. You clung to him and moaned as his hot tongue moved with yours. Your head got fuzzy as your heart raced in your chest.

You pulled back and panted. "Dizzy."

Levi lay you down. "Sorry, I got carried away." He moved the hair from your face and smiled a little. "You're so pretty."

You blushed. "I look like hammered shit right now."

"Still beautiful." He got up and pulled his boots off, then he yanked yours off. He took off his jacket and cravat before climbing onto the bed. He tucked you and him in, then he held you. "I'm going to take great care of you, brat. You'll be protected and loved."

You clung to Levi's chest. "Wh-what about Petra."

"I'll have a chat with her. I'll be nice, don't worry." He rubbed your back. "As for you. I'm ordering you to have two weeks off and in those two weeks, we're going on a date every day."

You blushed. "A date a day for two weeks? I can't wait."

#aot levi #levi #fanfic #levi ackerman #levi fanfiction #aot fanfiction #snk levi #levi x y/n #levi x you #aot x you #captain levi #levi x reader #levi ackerman x you #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman fluff

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hollyhomburg · 2 years

Text

(Tw: puppy play, sub hobi, master jinnie) Today I’m just thinking about BILY hobi having a rough day at work and coming home to the pack house and with one look at him jin can tell that his day was bad- it could have been a customer or an order gone wrong or something- but hobi isn’t his usual sunshine self- not a rainbow smile in sight, and jin just cups his cheeks and says “awe, do we need some little puppy time my love?” and all hobi is capable of is a little whimper because /fuck yes/ that’s exactly what he needs

Hobi puppy time looks like this- a soft spanking- no more than 20 or so gentle taps that are more about getting hobi into his headspace than anything else, maybe a softly milked orgasam- just to get rid of the last traces of tension in his body, soft praises as jin puts on his collar- little sweet platitudes of “there’s my pretty little puppy, love when you get all small for me hobi pup, are you gonna be a good boy for jinnie today and let master make all the important decisions for you?” Just week little jerky nods that turn into nuzzles when jin puts on the ears, no tail today, he dosent need it to be a good little puppy.

I just imagine that hobi greets each of the packmates when they come home, knealing by the door and head butting their thighs as they all say “oh what a good puppy!” His mind a mess of “good pup good pup good pup” nibbling and biting at sleeves for more chin scratches, jiminie even rubs his belly when he gets over excited, tummy up in the entry way, mouth open and panting.

But then I bet the m/c comes home with yoongi from going out, and hobi goes all quiet, goes to sit behind jinnie and whimper, pressing his face into the omegas thigh. “No no no- greet all the pack like you’re supposed to pup” and the m/c is just looking wide eyed down at hobi- because while jinnie sent them all a quick text to let them all know it was a “puppy day” seeing hobi in puppy space is another thing. “Sorry love, you might have to give him a treat to have him warm up to you”

and jin goes though the process of giving her a bone shaped human dog treat- specially ordered just for hobi, and he’s nothing if not well trained, knows all the commands like sit, roll over, kiss, paw, even /suck/- a trick where he takes jinnies fingers all the way down to the nuckle 🥰 and of course jinnie gives her a demonstration, hobi getting hazy and more puppy like with every good boy,

until it’s not jinnies hand feeding him the treat but hers- cute little fingers that hobi laps at searching for more. Until she shyly asks “can I pet him?” And suddenly he’s getting that shivery happy tingle all the way down to his spine, shows her his tummy too, absolutely barks when she runs her fingernails over his happy trail.

Just the cuteness of her giving him all the head scratches while he sits across the m/c ‘s and yoongis Laos, the eventual rubbing that happens when hobi gets too riled up- too horny to handle his own pleasure other than to rut mindlessly onto the m/c’s slipper, all fuzzy and soft sitting at her foot. Licking and lapping at her thighs while he does, ignoring her tuggs at his collar because she’s not his master so why should hobi’s puppy brain listen. All he can think is /omega/ and /good/ yummy thoughts. Eventually using his strengths to sniff up her thighs and plant his nose in her pussy- growling a little.

And she doesn’t know what to do other than call jinnie over, scoffing when he sees the way hobis trying to rub his cock against the m/c, Precum dripping all over her, “oh bad puppy!” pulling at his collar and jerking him away from the m/c and guiding her into a breeding position. “I guess you have earned a treat puppy, and I can’t blame you from trying to mount our little one- she does smell like a treat doesn’t she?”

#bts fluff #bts angst #bts poly au #bts x reader #bts fanfic #bts omegaverse au #bts polyamory au #bts au #bts hybrid au

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bakugohoex · 3 years

Text

seeing another man flirt with their s/o

pairings: armin arlert x gender neutral reader; eren yeager x gender neutral reader; jean kirschtein x gender neutral reader; levi ackerman x gender neutral reader; reiner braun x gender neutral reader

cw: fluff, jealousy, implicit nsfw, language

wc: 900+

a/n: i promise i’ll stop making these headcanons but they’re so fun and easy to do whilst im busy with school but i swear i will finish my 1k event and start my 2k event after exams finish which is after the end of march

summary: in which the boy get jealous after seeing another man try and flirt with you

↞ back to attack on titan masterlist

armin arlert

Notices as soon as the guy has his eyes on you, notices how the man walks up to you with confidence.

He doesn’t even need to say anything to the man, he knows you can handle yourself.

He watches you easily dismiss the man after telling him about your boyfriend but in situations where the guy still refuses to leave, that’s when Armin comes in.

He will go all protective boyfriend and easily move close to your side.

You would on instinct lean into his side and just show how great your relationship was, Armin wouldn’t even say anything.

You’d both just stare at the guy as Armin’s hand travels to your side.

It would make him so uncomfortable, but Armin isn’t one to let down a fight, but he'll prevent one from occurring.

You both find it easier to get rid of people who try to flirt with you both by just making them uncomfortable with your presence.

Can’t lie your whole group finds it a blessing sometimes as they get left alone by weirdos as well.

eren yeager

He would definitely be the type to just watch and stare at the guy who is flirting with you, very calm and collected.

Acts cautiously and isn’t rash in his decisions, he trusts you of course he does.

But when he sees the guy getting a little too close to his girl that’s when he takes a swig of his drink, placing it down as he walks with malice to you both.

“He making you uncomfortable, baby.”

Simple words, something to show that you’re his, will grab your waist in a matter of seconds, probably grab your ass as well and make sure you know that he’s going to fuck you later on.

Definitely gets handsy with you, I feel like the guy who tried flirting with you would just be so awkward standing there as Eren moves his mouth to the crook of your neck, kissing and nibbling at your skin.

The guy and any other guy definitely leave you alone afterwards.

“No need to get jealous, baby.”

jean kirschtein

Wouldn’t watch at all, would be the type to be on you the second a guy tried talking to you.

“Come on princess, let’s go have some fun.”

Some line to get you moving but the guy who was trying to flirt with you would interrupt in seconds.

Hand on your wrist as Jean just looks and stares at the man, this is where the testosterone gets really high in the room.

Jean is definitely the type to show that you’re both together then start a confrontation.

Moving the man's hand away from your wrist and bringing your hands to your sides before giving you a long deep kiss.

Definitely the type to grab onto your ass as he does as you look right into the man's eyes as he kisses down your neck.

He wants them to be envious and will prove to every man that he has you, it might be a tad bit embarrassing to be put on a show like this.

But I know Jean would apologise in some way most likely through fucking you later on at night.

levi ackerman

The man, the myth, the legend would just be another observer, he’d watch quietly, not make a move as he hears the shitty pick-up line.

He knows you can handle it but as soon as he sees the guy get a little too close to his s/o he can’t help but pounce into the action.

“You ready to leave, tch! Who’s this brat?”

He’d disregard the man after asking who he was, instead just grabbing your hand to get you out of the situation.

Levi would start a fight; I know he would but for the sake of not breaking the guys bones and getting arrested he’d rather just leave with you.

I swear the brats cannot handle Levi calling them a brat and Levi will end up in a fight, like he’s so composed but as soon as he sees the guy try and grab your ass.

Levi will pounce on the man and the man will either fight back or as soon as Levi gets a punch in, they’d leave themselves afraid of getting hurt even more.

He really does just want you to be safe but also he can sometimes hear you shouting for him to kick the guys teeth when he’s beating up some guy who tried to touch you.

reiner braun

He’s stupid I’m sorry like he’s smart but so stupid.

Doesn’t realise someone is flirting with you until Porco mentions how handsy the guy is getting with you.

That’s when Reiner finally gets into action, definitely the type to be a bit awkward when he walks up to you and the guy who has his hand on your shoulder.

“Who’s this, babe?”

He’d be calm about it though, wouldn’t push the guys hand away and instead just beckon for you to move closer to him so the guy doesn’t get suspicious of any jealousy that has arisen.

Reiner would go all protective after you’re in his arms, his arm against your waist as you lean into his side.

The guy just stares as you aren’t able to speak after the very uncomfortable situation.

“If that’s all, we’ll be going.”

He refuses to let the guy even speak, just wants you safe and secure and doesn’t want any trouble with the guy.

He isn’t one to pursue fights and I feel like he’d want your safety to be his main priority then a petty argument because he doesn’t need to fight a man for your love, when he already has it.

i’d really appreciate if you guys could leave a like, reblog or comment, thanks x

if you guys want to be a part of a tag list, just fill out the form in my navigation or send an ask and i’ll add you xx

@samusimp @alaina-rose13 @crispychannie @underratedmage @cathy8taffy @moonlightaangel @kat-sukis-hoe @effmigentlywithachainsaw @swankiifiied @maat-the-prescriptive @kuroos-world @levisfilm @katsuhera @answer-the-sirens @animexholic @wapbenders @the-shota-king-masayuki @bakugousmrs @crystal-lilac @dai-tsukki-desu @fandomsinthegalaxies @crimsonbows-and-arrows @admin-in-residence @otterlockholmes @gabrann @zlatanakermann @c0urtn3y @bakuhoesworld @halloweeniebicth @jaegerswifey @ukigxmo @decayedz @ackeroki @peachysimp @deargalaxy @strawberryspices @n0baraa @shisoaya @suna-reversed @sageandberries-png

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be-ready-when-i-say-go · 3 years

Text

Anklets and Necklaces

Inspired by this tweet.

@5-secondsofcolor I’m not sorry.

Female Reader insert. NSFW Content (18+). My smut writing is hella rusty. So I do apologize, whoops.

_______________

Calum plays at the anklet, spinning it around and around her joint as her legs are crossed and resting in his lap. The gold jewellry is hardly ever taken off since he gave it to her. In return, she gifted him a chain with a tiny pendant with her initial etched into the back of it. The front of it is an arrowhead. He wears it so often now, that when it’s off, he feels a little incomplete. It’s an easy gesture to carry her everywhere with him.

“Okay we gotta decide what to eat for lunch like now or I’m going to get hangry,” she states.

Calum glances up from his phone, to see her still scrolling on hers. “Oh no. Not hangry,” he teases. But he knows she means it. Her warnings have about a thirty minute window, just enough for a delivery if they get something simple. Or if they want something more complicated, they need to find a snack now while the main course is cooking. “What do you want? Thai? Mexican?”

“Would you hate me if I said I really just wanted nuggets from McDonalds?”

The pout on her lips makes him laugh, “No, I could never. Usual then?”

“Yes, please.”

Stretching across the length of her, Calum pushes his lips together, trying to ask for a kiss. She laughs in return and squeezes his cheeks. “Be lucky you’re cute,” she states before lifting up slightly to meet his lips. “And squishy.”

“Ain’t nothing on me squishy,” he huffs, straightening back up to put her order into the app.

She sets her phone down on her stomach, gazing up over the sharp line of his jaw that his plump cheeks sit atop. And while it’d be easy to return with a poke and a verbal jab about his cheeks, she just watches him. His fingers deftly work over the screen. The white tank sits as a stark contrast to the depth and glow of his skin. “I think all the right things on you are squishy.”

“Yeah, what are those?”

“Your cheeks. And as much as you and your trainer kick your ass, I know happy weight when I see it.”

Calum grins, a chuckle shaking through him as he sets his phone down on the arm of the couch--the order completed on his end. He pinches at her thighs. “Take that back.”

She shakes her head. “No, I don’t think I will. I like it--just like I like my cookies. Hard on the edges gooey in the middle.”

Standing for just a moment to let her legs fall onto the couch, Calum kneels onto the cushion, hovering above her. Her eyes glitter just a little as she talks and the soft easy smile on her face lets him know that it’s all out of love--what’s she’s saying. The pads of his fingers run along the side of her thigh. “Be lucky I love you.”

“I am already lucky, so say what you gotta say. Roast me, my love. It’s not like we don’t do that anyways.”

And truth be told, Calum had no response. Not when he looks at her, because God all he sees is the person that’s been with him on his bad mental days. She’s been there when Calum was sure there was no lower low or higher high. And what do you say to that person that’s been there, seen all of you that there is to see? With a gentle and chaste kiss, Calum settles for silence.

“Cat got your tongue now, huh?”

This--this Calum can respond too. It’s all too easy. “I know what else my tongue can have.”

“I know something your tongue can have too.”

“Really now?” Calum asks, dragging his fingers over the top of her thigh and tracing the line of her lounge shorts. “Food will be here in fifteen minutes though. So that’s up to you.”

“Not nearly enough time to savor it. Besides,” she starts and takes a pause. Her lips pull into a side smile and Calum knows what that means. One brow quirks in anticipation and Calum watches her. The silence settles for a little too long.

“Besides what?” he prompts again.

“Besides, I need the mail to be delivered first.”

“What did you buy?”

“You’ll see later. I promise. It’s really not even supposed to be used for lingerie. But I’ve wanted these for a long time and I specifically have a set I’m trying to complete.”

There’s the black mesh set that she’s slowly been building out. The main piece came in weeks ago, at this point it might even be months ago that that came in. He was privy to it then and gave it the christening that it deserved. But there wasn’t any other lingerie set that needed expansion. Not at least to his recalling. “Which one is it?”

“I’m not saying.”

“Oh please,” he whines, dropping his head into her neck. His lips softly and slowly seal kisses into her warm skin.

“No, Calum. I’ve been waiting on this package for weeks. It got held up in customs and I-” she sighs at his lips sucking at her skin. Not hard enough to cause a bruise, but just enough to make her spine tingle. “You’re going to have to do better than that.”

Calum pushes up, with a huff, sitting back down on the opposite end of the couch. “This is killing me, you know?”

“Well, you ain’t dead yet. So I think you can tough it out for a little bit longer.”

“Begrudgingly--I want you to know that.”

She sits up, swinging her feet to the floor. “Your sacrifice will be duly noted. The mail will be here before you know it.” The couch releases her weight and Calum watches her pad into the kitchen. “Do you want anything?” she calls.

“I’m good,” he returns, knowing that he will be counting down the seconds until the mail comes. She returns with a glass of water, sitting back down on the couch, but bringing her feet up underneath her as she motions to the TV. “You watching that?”

Calum answers with a shrug. He wasn’t anymore. He originally turned it on mostly for the weather and some news. He found himself bored and flipping through channels before settling on the sports channel while he took care of Duke in the morning. Noise to fill the space since his brain needed the distraction. He hadn’t slept all that great the last few nights, decent sleep. The closer and closer the band got to putting out music the more his nerves kicked in--sometimes they were sneaky. The nerves come up faster than Calum had anticipated. And right now, they won the first round. But Calum was working hard to combat them so he could get about his daily life.

“Go crazy,” he finally verbally responds. And she picks up the remote, changing channels too fast for Calum to even understand how you could process what was on before decking it was a no. She eventually settles for HGTV--not quite caring what show was on.

The first knock that comes to the door is the food that Calum ordered for the two of them. He answers it, popping up in the hopes it’s the mail. When it’s not, he sighs just a little but places the bag down onto the coffee table. “Your nugs, my queen,” he teases.

“Thank you, my good sir,” she returns with a grin, opening before divvying out what is for who. “You wouldn’t have happened to shot up like a bat outta hell because you wanted that to be the mail?”

Calum feels the heat in his cheeks, but bumps her shoulder gently. “No, why would I ever want that?”

“Oh I don’t know,” she scoffs in return, dunking a nugget into the sweet and sour sauce. They share a soft bout of laughter before turning their gaze back to the TV. Duke’s paws click as he ventures into the kitchen for a drink of water from his bowl. The lapping and splash of his tongue echoing just slightly as the screen goes dark between the show and the commercial break.

Calum lifts his gaze, taking in the soft angle of her jaw. She curls up around the carton of fries, eyes glued to the screen. Does she even have the slightest clue what she does to him? It’s not even the involved things like dressing up for him, or comforting him. It’s just her, when she’s munching on fries. Or when she sleepily walks behind Duke in the mornings. It’s when she hums as she cooks. It’s the dancing she does when she’s cleaning. It’s the pouts when she messes up on something and her brow furrows in as the determination settles onto her face.

It’s when she fucked up a birthday cake for him once--not greasing the sides of the pan enough and then adding a tad too much milk--called him crying about it and then in a minute flat resolved to make him brownies instead. Because she said she’d be damned if she didn’t make him something sweet to nibble on or pass along to the guys. And Calum’s not even that much of a sweets guy, which she knew, so she only settled on giving him half the batch she made. She, of course, saved the other half for her and her friends.

And it’s just the moments that she’s not even trying that makes Calum melt. Like when she paints her nails, she offers to do his first. Or when she lays down next to Duke, and in their shared silence, they seem to communicate everything with each other.

“I love you,” he states.

She turns, eyes widening for a second before grinning around her sip of iced tea. “I love you.” Her brows furrow just a little. “You okay? You’ve hardly touched your food.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.”

“If you didn’t want McDonalds, I could’ve done something else. Literally anything else,” she continues on almost as if she hadn’t heard him.

“It’s not the food,” he giggles. Calum reaches out to caress her cheek. “I’m okay.”

She nods. “Okay.”

“I just love you, that’s all. Wanted to share it with you.”

Her grin is soft as it lifts her lips. “Good because you’re not getting rid of me that easy.”

“I wouldn’t dare dream of getting rid of you.”

Another silence envelopes them. Calum finishes his food and takes the empty containers to the trash. Another episode starts up from the speakers and just above it, he hears the chime of his phone. “Do you want me to screen it for you?”

“Yes please!” If it’s one of the guys, they won’t mind her answering. If it’s someone important, he doesn’t want to miss the call.

“Calum’s phone,” she answers but he can already hear her feet shuffling to him in the kitchen. “Okay, Ash. I’ll keep that in mind.” Her voice comes closer and Calum shakes his hands just a little to get rid of the excess water before drying them. “No, I can’t say what it is without taking a look. Did you use the soil I recommended last time?” Another pause comes from her and when Calum turns, he finds her leaning up the kitchen counter, phone halfway pulled down but not fully away from her ear. “Yeah, I definitely think you should consider changing soils. But I can take a better look tomorrow for you. I’m going to pass along the phone now.”

She hands the phone over. “He said it was important.”

“Thank you,” Calum says in a whisper, pressing a kiss to her forehead and then placing the phone to his ear. “Yeah, Ash?”

Calum’s not even sure how long the conversation goes on. At first, it is important information that Ashton’s trying to confirm--a date and time for a meeting that they had later in the week. He says he wrote it down where he writes down all their meetings but it’s not there. And Ashton’s trying to make sure that he doesn’t miss it. So Calum shuffles to his office and verifies in his calendar the time for the meeting.

But then the conversation diverges--they start talking about everything and anything. So much so, they’re laughing. Calum doesn’t even hear the knock at the front door. But he does notice her scurrying off into the bedroom. The door closes with a soft click. Duke comes trailing after her but notices the closer door and then keeps down the hall to the office. Calum reclines back in his seat trying to get another angle at the door. But it’s closed fully.

“You okay, gramps?” Calum asks Duke.

“Oh fuck off, mate!” Ashton laughs.

“Not you, you fucking egg. Duke--I was talking to Duke.”

“Oh!” Ashton giggles. “Sorry, I thought you was trying to talk shit.”

“I don’t have to try and do that to you.”

“Oi, don’t start something bro.” The two of them laugh and Calum bends down to scratch behind Duke’s ears. “Alright, thanks for confirming that meeting. I’ll see you tomorrow in the studio?”

“Yeah--bright and early. Talk to you later.” The call ends and when Calum spins around in his desk chair, his jaw drops as she steps out from the bedroom. It’s not exactly something new--as in something that she’s never worn before. But it doesn’t mean he ever gets tired of seeing her like this.

The white bustier pushes her breasts up and almost over the cups. And he travels the look down, taking in the baby blue skirt, fishnet knee highs. And he goes back up, taking in a black strap wrapping around her thighs. She notes the lustful gaze and steps right on the line of the threshold to the door.

“So,” Calum starts, trailing his gaze down and then back up to her face. “Not the black lingerie I was anticipating.”

“No, I’m waiting for the heels I want for that lingerie to go on sale. Besides, you didn’t like the collar I liked so I’m still searching.”

“It wasn’t that I didn’t like it. It’s just too similar to one we already bought.”

“You’re right, but still.”

Calum cracks a smile at the reluctant confession. “But enough about that. This--this is a cute outfit.”

She nods, smoothing out the pleated mini skirt. “It’s less about the outfit and more about these,” she says, tapping at the thin black band.

“And those are?” Calum asks. It’s one step closer into the room and Calum think he can make out a heart shaped metal loop in the middle of it. She takes a second step closer and Calum can see clearly it’s some sort of thigh garter--leather or something related as the material. “Oh,” he breathes.

She continues slowly to approach Calum and when she’s just in arms reach, she lifts the skirt up. It goes up inch by inch and Calum’s entranced. Watching more of her thighs revealed to him. And soon it’s black panties--mesh and if Calum remembers correctly crotchless. But wrapped around her waist is another band of leather. Two pieces hook to another metal hoop right on her hip bones and then one trip connects the top piece to the bottom.

“A harness garter belt--what do you think?” she asks in a whisper.

Calum exhales, desire stirring in the pit of his stomach. He reaches out, wrapping his fingers around her thighs and pulling her into him. He kisses in the spaces between the leather, gingerly, lips hardly touching her skin. “I think you look beautiful,” he hums, dropping his head on his neck to look up at her.

Her eyes are still closed and Calum softly runs the tips of his fingers up her thigh, tracing the lines of the harness. With a deep exhale, she finally blinks back to reality. “Not too silly?”

His brows meet in the middle of his face. Why would she think it’s too silly? There’s nothing silly about her standing in front of him, clearly excited about her own purchase. “Angel--I’ll be damned if I ever think this is silly.”

Swinging her leg over and settling onto his lap, she grins. “Thank you, love.”

Calum holds onto her hips, rubbing his palms down to her ass. “So you said this technically isn’t lingerie?”

“No--I don’t think so. But I think they could be--a small accessory to something I already have.”

They share a kiss, much too quick for Calum’s liking so he pulls her back in for more. And her arms wind around his neck as he continues to palm her ass. Here, he doesn’t really care what it is technically or not. She looks absolutely amazing. “I like it. In fact,” Calum starts, moving to grip her thighs before housing them both up and then plopping her down on the desk. “I really like them.”

Calum stands between her legs, nose brushing and bumping against hers. Here, she can feel her core aching as Calum’s fingers trail closer and closer to her heat. It’s feather light--his touch, but it makes her feel electric all the same. “Cal,” she hums.

“Yes baby?”

There’s nothing that comes out of her mouth but a small huff, a rushed and harsh exhale at the feeling of his fingers dancing across her skin. He grins pulling back just a little to see the way her face goes slack, almost as if she’s at peace with him between her legs.

“Was there something you wanted to say, darlin’?” Calum tries again, taking just a half step back away from her.

With her eyes still closed, she smiles. “I want to know,” she starts, exhaling softly to counter the thud of her heart in her chest, “if you’d so kindly want to make love to me?”

Calum can’t help his own small tuft of laughter. “Darlin’, I’d do so happily.” They don’t always wind up in bed like this--but it’s nice, to be comfortable even to be this forward with this and this open.

Calum takes her hand as she hops down from the desk. “Give me a twirl,” he asks. She obliges, turning in a circle for Calum, punctuating the back view by lifting her skirt up. “Silly girl,” Calum laughs, giving a firm but playful tap to her ass.

Facing Calum again, she wraps her arms around his torso. “But you love it.”

“I do. I love you.”

They share another kiss and she slowly walks backwards out of the room. They get lost in each other--Calum in the way she fits against him and her in the way Calum holds her, palms spanning across her back and tight enough that she wonders if he thinks she’s going to disappear but gently enough at the same time that she’d love nothing more than staying here forever in his hold.

Calum finds the zipper to the top and slowly drags it down. The material exhales, slowly falling away from her body and when it falls to the floor, he kisses her neck, down to the swell of her breast. Her moans are soft, just above a hum that makes just enough noise for him to hear. And it goes right to his gut.

Here there's very little need for words. When Calum gives, she takes happily. But when she tugs at his hair, Calum knows to step back, lets her give something to him. Her kisses are soft against his skin, but make him feel like it’s being set on fire. One that he’d happily stay in, let the blaze consume every inch of him, if it meant that she was always the one to take him.

His shirt goes to join hers. Her mouth teases his nipples as she descends further down on him. Calum thinks he sighs, all he can do is just shut his eyes and let go into the feeling of her teasing the cut of his hips beneath the sweatpants. She’s always like this, teasing him. At first, it used to annoy him. But now he loves it, loves just how close she’s willing to push him to the edge, push his buttons but always delivering at the end of it.

Her meticulous work, to watch him jump at every scratch of her nails and nip of her teeth, is enjoyable. But Calum blinks open his eyes to cup her jaw, which stops her. When her gaze lifts, Calum motions for her to stand. “Yes?” she grins standing to her full height.

Calum presses their foreheads together. “I missed you.”

“Well how dare I keep a man like you waiting?” With a slow kiss, tongues just barely dancing, Calum walks the two of them to the bed. The back of her knees hit the edge of it and she buckles just a little. Calum catches her from falling. “Turn around,” he whispers into her ear, “please.”

The instruction is obeyed and she spins to face the bed. Calum finds the zipper to the powder blue skirt and almost doesn’t want to take it off her. In the end, he does-- Calum lets the skirt fall onto a pool at their feet. Without even prompting she falls to her hands, ass grinding against his hips. He traces her spine with the pads of his fingers, following all the way down, over the curve of her ass and down to the opening in the panties. His fingers gather a bit of her arousal.

“Oh,” he groans. “So wet for me,” he hums with approval.

“Always for you,” she sighs. Calum teases her clit--a featherlight touch as he dances over her core. She lets herself fall a little bit more into the mattress--another moan leaving her lips when Calum takes one finger down from her clit to teasing her entrance.

Calum pulls away, bring his wet fingers to his lips and sucking them clean. “Taste just like heaven,” he hums. He gingerly guides her back to standing and uses her hips to get her to face him again.

More kisses are shared before they fall onto the mattress. Calum takes hold of one of the straps around her thigh and tugs her down, closer to him and she laughs. It gets caught off and morphed into a moan as Calum’s tongue licks a wide stripe up her. He’s careful of the mesh material of her panties, but knows that carefulness won’t last long. Not when her arousal coats his tongue. Not when her nails scratch over the muscles of his shoulders or tangle into the curls on his head.

She melts under the work of his mouth. The mattress merely becoming the vessel to hold the mess she’s bound to make and become. The room echoes the moans and slurps. Fingers gripping at the sheet, she chants Calum’s name. His tongue working magic over her core and just when she thinks she couldn’t possibly handle anything more, she notices the stretch at the addition of his fingers.

“Fuck,” she whines, lifiting one leg and he slips in even deeper, curling his fingers and hitting just the right spot.

Calum hungers for her pleasure--the high-pitched whine and groan as she releases. Some days it’s just the sound he needs to ground him. She gives short and breathless huffs, and quivers underneath him. “Gonna be a good girl?” Calum asks, fingers still pumping at her.

“Yes, oh yes, I will.”

“Gonna cum for me?”

“I want to, yes I’ll come for you. Make me your good girl.” Her voice sounds far away, as if she’s not fully cognizant of what she’s saying. Not quite babbling, but definitely talking so fast words bump into each other and slur together.

Calum grins, sucking at her clit again and she groans, head throwing back against the pillows. Her toes are curling--her whole body growing warmer with the passing second. The heat coils in her lower gut and she’s pleading. Though, she’s not sure who she is really meaning to plead to, but she wants to cum so badly.

Then it finally happens, one moment she’s sure she’s nearly in tears and the next, the coil snaps. She squeezes, hips raising off the bed and Calum continues to ride out her orgasm, gently pressing her back down into the bed. She hisses and starts to push at his shoulders, the signal that it’s too much. So Calum places one last kiss to her clit before pulling away from her glistening core.

Beneath him, eyes fluttering close, she looks angelic. Calum holds himself up above her and just watches the way she tries to collect her breath. “You’re beautiful, you know?” he whispers, not wanting to shatter the silence.

“No kidding?” she teases, winding her arms around his neck. The necklace dangles just a little in her face and she takes one hand to trace the chain. Hooking her fingers into it, she tugs Calum down to her. The taste of her arousal on Calum’s tongue makes her head spin. Calum caresses her side and stomach as the kiss deepens. Here is all they need--the soft and deep kisses, the moans that they swallow from each other.

Her hands leave from around his neck and begin to push down his sweatpants and underwear. And he lets her, even pulls back to kneel on his knees as she sits up. Their kiss hardly breaks and she’s quick to tug the cotton material down, hands wrapping around his length.

He groans at the squeeze--nothing too hard just enough pressure to make his whole body ignite. Her hand pumps him, once, then twice slowly and teasing him. “Baby,” he sighs, relishing the feeling of her hands working over him. The stay like that only for a minute or two before Calum pauses her to step down and full disrobe.

When he climbs back onto the bed, he crawls over her. “Welcome back, handsome,” she greets.

“Oh, it’s so good to be back,” he returns, grinning.

She runs her fingers over the tattoos decorating his chest, out of habit, out of something to ground her for a moment. There’s no way he’s real and it shouldn’t ever shock her like this. But sometimes it sneaks up on her and the realization of how madly in love she is with his man hits her all over again.

“What are you thinking about?” Calum asks.

“How much I love you,” she answers softly.

“I love you too,” he returns, bending down to kiss her. It’s soft and sweet--the kiss. For a moment, they just inhale the breaths of the other. It’s a tender moment, one that neither one wants to interrupt, so they let it linger, smiling at each other. She stretches up to kiss him, one hand trailing between their bodies and Calum catches the hint all too quickly when she traces along his length.

“I haven’t forgotten, love,” he exhales in a breathy laugh. “Trust me, I could never forget.” Once lined up, Calum’s slow to sink into her. One, he wants to drag this out, enjoy every inch of him that she grips of him. And two, because he wants to make sure that even in the lull that she’s ready to take him.

Her head falls back, hair pushing into the pillow and neck exposing itself to him. A tempting sight but Calum loses himself in the feeling of her wetness. He’s slow, pulling out just a bit before sinking further back into her. Her sighs and words of encouragement are soft from beneath him but they fuel him.

The pace quickens and both of them groan at the ecstasy. Out of reflex, she lifts one leg to readjust her hip flexor and Calum brings it up, resting her ankle on his shoulder. He kisses over the joint and the anklet, savoring just how much of her he can feel like this.

The chain dangles in her face, brushing in the valley of her breast and she revels in the feeling of Calum reaching the full depths of her body. She digs her nails into his flesh, more curses falling from her lip. But some of them get lost in the groans that win out. “God,” she huffs. “You’re everywhere.” And though it’s a bit of strain to get the words out because Calum’s pace is relentless as he snaps his hips into hers, she pushes the words out.

“You always take me so well,” he praises, watching the way her face contorts. “Oh, so soon, love? You’re going to cum again for me so fucking soon, like a good girl.”

Her whine slips out first but she nods, feeling the coil tightening yet again in her lower abdomen. Her body is hot, and she can already feel the prickle of sweat on her forehead. “Please, baby, please,” she begs.

“As you wish,” he hums, his own orgasm approaching faster than he anticipated. His body humming as the warmth spreads. The bed rocks just a little, hitting the wall and the sounds echo around them as they sigh and moan to each other. But the only thing that really matters to them, is each other.

“Fuck, baby,” he whispers, voice straining as she orgasms. No noise comes from her, but her mouth opens like if she had the breath she’d definitely be screaming his name. This time the quakes last longer, her whole body shaking. “You’re okay, you’re okay,” he hums, bumping his nose against her jaw, still riding through her orgasm.

“Shit, oh my god,” she shudders, wrapping her arms around his neck.

There’s a slight hiss when Calum moves again, and he kisses over her face, starting with her nose and then moving to her cheeks. Another quake takes her and Calum, not anticipating it, groans-- his orgasm now right on the edge. It won’t be much longer, but she nibbles at his earlobe. “Thank you,” she whispers. “Made me feel so fucking good. I want you to cum in me. So fucking deep,” she hums.

And while Calum’s trying to get his own rebuttal to the tip of his tongue, she squeezes around him. “Fuck,” he yelps just a little, his body erupting with his orgasm. His body shudders and he’s so blindsided by the feeling, his slips just a little, more of his weight settling onto her than usual.

She doesn’t say anything, just hums at the feeling of him succumbing to the pleasure. “Oh, that’s what I wanted,” she encourages. It leaves her throat like a purr and Calum shivers again at the sound.

They lay together, for a moment, her nails scratching lightly at the muscles in his back. Calum sinks into her, body going heavy. Her slight shift squeezes around him and he groans, sensitive. “Don’t--I can’t,” he laughs.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to.” Even her own voice sounds heavy and slurred. She kisses his temple and Calum pushes up. He’s slow to pull out, enjoying the drips that follow of his own release spilling out of her. With one finger he gently scopes it back up and into her. The familiar twinge of desire pulls at his lower gut and it’s almost enough. She even shivers, but Calum watches the way her eyes stay closed.

“You okay?” he asks.

“Sleepy now,” she returns.

“Let’s get cleaned up first and then we can nap.” His voice sounds farther away towards the end of the sentence and she assumes he went to the attached bathroom. The rush of water from the sink confirms it. Something wet and warm presses against her--no doubt Calum with a warm washcloth.

The clean up is swift as both of them share a shower and then under the sheets, they curl up around each other. Calum kisses the top of her head as she nuzzles in closely. “I want pancakes after our nap,” she mutters.

“I think we still have some blueberries.”

She pops up onto her elbow and grins a little. “It’s like you can read my mind.”

Calum laughs. “Maybe just a little bit.”

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