for the millionth time, sex repulsion (aversion) is the PERSONAL feeling of ick when discussing, seeing, or thinking about sex

sex negativity is shaming OTHER people for their sex lives, kinks, and/or sexual history

stop saying sex repulsion/aversion when you mean sex negative and stop saying sex negative when you mean repulsion/aversion! thanks!!

I think a lot of the sex negativity in queer spaces stems from the fact that in cisheteronormative society sex is a way that men dominate and degrade women.

We need to separate the idea that sex is inherently degrading. We need to step away from this perception that sex is this horrible thing that can only be redeemed through romance.

Women who enjoy hookups aren't devaluing themselves and men who enjoy hookups aren't predatory.

We've been told that sex is degrading and takes away a person's value, and we recognize that that's a problematic way of viewing things, but instead of saying "no, that's not true" you go "yeah it's true, but not under these conditions" and you think you've made it better

shout out to all the ace peeps who fluctuate between sex ok or positive to sex negative randomly and are tired of hearing "But you were okay with it yesterday!"

Also, shout out to my fellow autistics who fluctuate between touch-starved and touch-aversion and have to hear the same thing if we say something.

As someone from a culture where arranged marriage is what is seen as the ideal, please remember that marriage being seen as mandatory is really NOT always the same as romance being seen as mandatory. In some places you will be persecuted for engaging in romance (even if you check all the societal privilege boxes) while still being told you have to get married in an arranged marriage.

Its important to talk about romance negativity and to really truly consider how amatonormativity and romance negativity and sex negativity all work differently in different cultures. Only focusing on the experiences of white people in the united states will not give you a complete picture of how any of these work.

ngl i hate the way some aces treat aroallos. not all aces of course, but some. degrading and criticizing us for wanting sex, telling us sexual attraction doesn’t exist, pushing us out of aspec spaces, etc. we need to stick together and support each other so please stop siding with aphobes. it harms all of us.

Submitted July 10, 2023

We need to talk about the problem of how sex is utilized in media.

[ID: A Tumblr search for "anal". The screen shows an official notice from Tumblr that reads, "Hold your horses! These search results are likely to contain content which does not comply with Tumblr's Community Guidelines. To help keep everyone safe we're not displaying any content here." There is a 'Learn more' button.]

I hate this.

I hate the smarmy little "to help keep everyone safe", the implication that sex and sexuality are inherently unsafe. Being shielded from seeing people getting fucked in the ass does nothing in terms of actual safety and just reinforces the "sex = bad, unsafe, dirty" attitudes that are causing so much damage to a variety of communities. (Queer communities and sex workers are the first that spring to mind.)

"But Kay!" someone cries. "There might be minors using Tumblr! Surely they should be shielding from the great evils of ass fucking!"

Tumblr now has settings that you can turn on to not see sexual content. If people don't want to see sexual content, that setting is on by default; you have to dig around in your settings to turn it off.

Also... maybe this is controversial, but if someone is old enough to be on the internet unsupervised by their parents/guardians, then they're old enough to engage responsibly. The internet is not a playground, it is not inherently a child-friendly space. Fandom is not inherently a child-friendly space, Tumblr is not inherently a child-friendly space. If minors come into these spaces, they're responsible for their own experiences. (Also, c'mon, guys. Have you never met a teenager? Many of them, including myself when I was a teen, are actively seeking out sexual content. I don't want to hear from teenagers reading my smut, but I think it's foolish to act like teenagers are paragons of purity and not currently having their bodies and brains explode with hormones.)

It just seems to insidious to imply that lack of sexuality is inherently safe, that shoving sex to dark corners and pulling a sheet over it makes everything so much safer for everyone.

It doesn't. It makes sex secret and shameful, makes it harder to talk about, makes it harder to find information, makes it harder to discover things about yourself.

And it's not just images. A search for "erotica" receives the same result: Tumblr's smarmy little warning and absolutely nothing else.

Asexual issues #1

Having to explain that asexuality is a spectrum and not just "yeah I like sex" or "no I f*cking hate it" all the time.

It's a spectrum for a reason, let's try not to accidentally invalidate others.

You know the promiscuous character you tried to write into an amatonormative and sex negative 'they have romance now so they are fixed' character arc?? They're demiromantic allosexual now, sorry not sorry I don't make the rules

Asexuality and Sex Positivity

Alright, let me quickly bring this one up, because I also see a lot of misinformation about this. When people talk about sex positivity, there is a lot of people going around like: "Oh, yeah? You wanna be sex positive? Well, that acephobic!"

And, like, what am I supposed to say, but... It is quite the opposite. Because sex positivity is very much about accepting everyone's sexual preferences and not shaming anyone's sexuality (with, obviously those reasonable exceptions, obviously - aka no acceptance for noncon stuff). And that includes asexuality.

See, our current sex negative culture shames every kind of sexuality - especially sexuality past the norm. So, vanilla straight sexuality (though mostly vanilla straight male sexuality) is accepted, but everything else gets shamed. Be it female sexuality. Be it queer sexuality. Be it any form of kink. And this does absolutely include asexuality. Because it is not "the norm".

The shaming here looks often different based on the gender of the person. Boys and men often get shamed, because boys and men being sexuality agressive is the norm that people are expected to live up with. If a boy or man is asexual and is not interested in sex, it is often getting shamed by their peers.

Now, in women it is different, because the heteronormative society kinda paints the picture that women do not like sex (because men are too lazy to learn to be good lovers). So, when a woman says: "I am asexual," she is getting told: "Oh, no, you are not, honey. Women just do not like sex. That is perfectly normal. But you will be alright, once you have your husband."

It never really gets accepted. Because the current society only ever accepts "normative" sexuality. Which is exactly what the entire sex positivity movement wants to overhaul.

So, yeah. This also includes that if someone says: "I am asexual," that in a sex positive society people will answer: "Alright. That's okay."

Gonna start telling these sex negative, puritanical freaks that my favourite hobby and interest of all time is sex just to make them squirm.

As an atertiary alloaro, I just have to say that despite allosexuality being the default, people are extremely hostile towards it when its not accompanied by other attractions like romantic, platonic, etc. Especially the conformist queer crowd that thinks its so progressive to throw us under a bus as the 'degenerates' and 'perverts' the queer community is characterised as by bigots.

There's actually nothing wrong with being a sexual person. If you think that, thats on you. Ask yourself why you're so concerned about labelling ppl as 'perverts' or 'degenerates' just for liking sex or not having attractions that don't involve sexual attraction. Dragging down other queer people isn't going to make you any more 'palatable' to bigots.

i’ve seen some aces say that having sex is “embarrassing yourself,” and as an aroallo, it bothers me. being sex repulsed is totally fine ofc, but shaming others for wanting/having sex or telling people they’re embarrassing themselves is not okay. i wish we aspecs could just get along and support one another ffs

Submitted June 13, 2023

One thing both sex negative feminist and misogynists have in common is that they both view sex as men controlling and dominating women.

Instead of calling misogynists out they embrace a pink washed version of purity culture with belief very similar to people who buy into purity culture.

Sex is not about dominating women and people who buy in to that are idiots. It can mean many things, it can mean mutual please, it can man love, it can mean friendship and many other things.

Genuinely begging people to understand that sex favourability =/= sex positivity, and that sex repulsion =/= sex negativity

Also if we could please leave behind the mindset that asexuality (specifically repulsed aces) = Puritanism in 2024 that'd be wonderful thanks <3

Reminder being sex positive or sex negative has nothing to do with how much YOU PERSONALLY like sex.

Calling yourself a sex negative person means you agree with the people who want "abstinence only" sex education and banning strip clubs

The term you want is sex favorable or sex repulsed