#seventeen xreader
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Vernon had gotten a lot of things wrong in your relationship, but he didn't realise any of that until you were gone.
You'd never been insecure in a relationship but then again Vernon was the first idol you'd dated.
You were an idol yourself from the group G-(I)dle and had been for 3 years before you and Vernon got together. You knew how the industry worked but it didn't make it any easier when rumours started going viral that Vernon was dating a girl who wasn't you. The claims were he was dating Yeri of Red Velvet and although the article wasn't official it was getting around the Internet. The thing that bothered you most about it, was Vernon never messaged you about it.
You'd both been busy with work recently and hadn't seen each other in nearly 2 weeks. You only just got back from touring and Vernon had his new song to promote. You called and texted but not as frequently as usual. All of this would've excused him not texting you but this story was big! It was trending and you found it weird he didn't think to talk to you about it. It was made worse by the fact Vernon and Yeri were friends and you knew there had been some history there. You trusted that was all far in the past so didn't think the rumours were true but part of you wondered what they'd been doing for people to assume they were dating. It could've been innocent and they were merely together but you had no idea because Vernon had never explained it to you.
So you found yourself following the trend without meaning to and Soyeon caught you. "You're not paying attention to any of that crap are you?" she asked. You tried to hide your phone and then sighed "I just want to see what made them think that". "But you're dating Vernon so you know it's not true". You frowned "see we never actually made it official". "Wait what?" Yuqi asked and you sighed "he never asked me to be his girlfriend in those words, we just became what we are so technically we're not even anything". Minnie shook her head "but you are dating, just because he didn't ask you doesn't mean anything". "Doesn't it?" you asked and Soojin frowned "but this is Vernon. We all know he considers you his girlfriend. What's he said about this scandal". "Nothing" you said and that made them all pause. "Right?" you cried "I know he's been busy but don't I deserve a reassuring text or something?". Your members nodded "totally, have you tried messaging him?" Shuhua asked. "But why should she have to message him?" Yuqi replied and the others shrugged. "You reassure your partner even if it's trivial. How doesn't he get that?". "But you said Vernon's a little...distant anyway isn't he?" Minnie asked and you nodded.
You and Vernon were very different people and in some ways that worked very well. You were complete opposites and helped the other step out of their comfort zone. You helped Vernon communicate and express himself more and Vernon helped you become more thoughtful and independent. However, there were times like today when your base expectations weren't being met.
In the end, you decided not to do anything. You wanted to wait and see how long it took Vernon to say something and 2 days later he still hadn't texted you. On the 3rd day, he sent you a funny cat video and you realised him telling you about the scandal wasn't even on his radar so you got the opinion of a male friend to see if it was a gender thing.
Jongho from Ateez had been a close friend of yours for years and again like you and Vernon the two of you were opposites but it worked. You'd kind of forced Jongho to be your friend initially but now he liked it. You rang him up and he picked up quickly "Hey Y/n what's up?". "So I have a hypothetical to run by you". "Oh goodie!" Jongho said sarcastically and you laughed "so imagine you're dating a girl and a dating rumour about you comes out. Would you text your girlfriend about it?". Jongho paused "well I mean surely she knows it's fake if she's my girlfriend". "So you wouldn't mention it at all?" you asked and Jongho was quiet again "no I'd probably mention it just to reassure her it was bullshit. I'd at least bring it up in person and say how annoying it was or make a joke out of it". You nodded "and what if the girl wasn't your girlfriend. You'd been casually together for a little while". "Oh then I'd definitely bring it up because she might think I'm seeing both of them!". "Thank you!" you cried and Jongho laughed. "Vernon?" he asked and you nodded "he's not contacted me since his rumour came out". "But you're dating". "See we're not officially and if I'm honest I did check the articles to see what the photos of the two of them were". "So you don't trust him?" Jongho asked and you shook your head "I do but sometimes I just feel so...unsure in our relationship. He's not very good at communicating and rarely expresses how he feels. I didn't know he actually fancied me until our 4th date when he told me, he's that good at hiding how he feels and sometimes I just feel like I'm too demanding. That I'm too clingy and asking too much of him so I don't tend to share how I feel". Jongho was quiet "Y/n that's not good. You should never feel like you're bothering your partner when you're asking for something you need". "I know but there's no malice on Vernon's side! He's the sweetest the times when I have mentioned things to him I just don't want to have to do it for everything". Jongho nodded "you want some of the things to be instinctive so you're not constantly reminding him". "Exactly!" you agreed and Jongho sighed "well I don't know what to advise. How long have you been together?". "6 months" and Jongho nodded "out of the honeymoon period. From what I hear a lot of couples have problems then so you're not alone". "But how do I know if it's something we can overcome or an incompatibility?". Jongho was quiet for ages and then sighed "I have no idea".
Then to make things more confusing Vernon texted you one day asking if you were free and if he could come over. You told him you had a break from the tour for the next few days and he appeared on your doorstep 24 hours later. The minute you saw him standing there all the emotions you felt for him and all the fondness hit you. You opened the door and he shot you a smile "there she is" and hugged you tightly picking you up slightly. You blushed and squealed as he lifted you. "It's been way too long" Vernon said still not letting you go and you nodded "too long, but how's your promoting going?". "We're finishing tomorrow and I can't wait but forget that tell me about your tour!".
Once you'd caught up with one another Vernon pulled you into his arms again. "I missed you so much" Vernon said pressing a kiss to your temple and resting his forehead against yours. "You did?" you asked and he chuckled "of course I did! I always miss you". "Oh" you said and Vernon chuckled again "did you think I just don't miss you when you're away touring". "I don't know, maybe" you said and Vernon looked at you, clearly confused why you might think that. "Really?" he asked moving back so he could see you and you looked down "no of course not I..." and you trailed off. "Y/n?" Vernon asked and you looked at him "sorry, I'm just tired". "Are you sure?" he asked sensing something was up but you hated confrontation of any form so just nodded folding into his chest. You pushed your feelings away and smiled at him "I'm fine". Vernon nodded "okay then" and wrapped his arms around you again. Wrapped up together you could almost pretend it was fine but when Vernon left the next day you felt heavy all over again.
You carried on as normal, ignoring any doubts you had and just as the rumours about Vernon and Yeri died down a blast from the past came back. Vernon's ex Eunji used to work for Pledis as a stylist but had moved to KQ Entertainment when they broke up. Eunji hated you as, unknown to you, Vernon broke up with her so he could ask you out. She'd frequently messaged Vernon asking to get back together and had even sent you some horrible texts too and later claimed she was drunk. Jongho knew of her and she knew the two of you were friends so largely avoided him and his members which suited Jongho fine. He updated you on anything you needed to know about her and sometimes told you more than your own boyfriend.
You didn't hear about the Ateez x Seventeen collaboration until Jongho mentioned it. When it was clear you had no knowledge of it Jongho told you that Eunji was working on the project...but Vernon forgot to mention that to you. You were angry and when you next saw Vernon didn't hesitate to bring it up.
"Why didn't you tell me you were doing a collaboration with Ateez?" you asked and Vernon paused. He clearly got what you meant by the look on his face. "Because I didn't know if she'd be there or not". "You knew she still works for them right?" you asked and he nodded "Yeah...". "And she was there?" you asked wanting to hear it from himself and he signed "yeah but it's not a big deal I didn't speak to her. Well not about anything other than work". You shook your head in disbelief and Vernon sighed "I have to be professional with her Y/n I can't ignore her!". "I'm not asking you to I just wish you would've told me. You not telling me makes me feel like you're hiding something". "But I'm not. I didn't tell you because I knew you'd worry. Things upset you sometimes and I don't want to hurt you so I don't tell you them" he said and that was the worst thing he could've possibly said.
"You don't tell me?" you asked "so you wondered if to tell me this and you decided not to?". "Yes..." Vernon said cautiously as if trying to detect a trap. "I did it to protect you. I always try and protect you". Your worst fears were coming true. Vernon was not telling things and keeping them from you because he thought you were emotional and overreacted. The annoying thing is you didn't want to react now because you thought it would prove him right but had no idea what else to do. You felt so shit and just wanted to cry. You didn't speak trying not to cry and Vernon sighed "please don't be mad...you know how much I care about you". Something about those words and how he was looking at you with those big brown eyes made you explode.
"No I don't!" you cried "because you hardly ever let me in! There's no regular communication or affirmation. I'm not needy but I would like you to tell me how you feel more than once every few months or when I leave the country. I just want you to be upfront with your emotions for me. I always feel bad asking you to adjust and to hear you've been keeping things from me just makes me feel so tired. All I want is honesty and good communication" you said starting to get sad "I mean I don't even know if we're dating". "What?" Vernon asked "Y/n come on you know I'm your boyfriend". "Do I? I never asked you and you never asked me. It just happened and sometimes I have no clue what we are. When I haven't heard from you in 2 weeks I don't know if we're dating or intermittent. I have no idea whether I'm coming or going Vernon and it's horrible!" you cried tears finally leaking down your face and Vernon paused. He didn't like emotion, especially crying because he never knew what to do and you could see the panic on his face which made you cry even more because if he knew you, he'd know all you needed was a hug. Instead, he watched you before rushing to grab you a tissue partially so he could leave the room.
Once you'd calmed down you spoke first because Vernon hadn't spoken in ages and it didn't seem he would be any time soon. "I think I need to go home". Vernon nodded "okay I'll walk you to your car...should I call you tomorrow or something?". You took in a breath and shook your head "I don't know". Vernon nodded "okay" and didn't ask anything more. You reached your car and you looked at him "are you happy Vernon?". "With us?" he asked "yes and I thought you were. I guess I didn't realise how much was wrong". You shook your head "I just don't know if we're too different. If that's our problem". Vernon frowned "I don't think we're that different" but he didn't sound sure at all. "We're polars Vernon and I don't know if I'm fighting a losing battle". "So what do you want to do?" he asked and you shook your head "I don't know but I know if I say I don't know and we walk away it won't be resolved for another 2 weeks and I can't have that...so I think we should just break up".
Vernon's eyes widened "you don't want to work on it? Try and fix it". "I want to but I don't feel like I have the energy...I can't escape the feeling it shouldn't be this hard and I can't keep telling you how to act. I just can't...". Vernon nodded "okay then. I don't want to cause you any stress so we can break up if that will make you feel better". You shook your head wondering how he could even say that but atleast felt like for once you were making the mature decision and not burying your head in the sand. "Okay, goodnight Vernon" and you left.
You of course felt awful following the breakup. No matter how many times you told yourself this was the mature thing to do, to call quits on a relationship that wasn't working, you still missed Vernon. You kept thinking about all the things he did that you loved and wondered if you'd been too hasty or selfish. Your members all comforted you and tried to shield you from anything they could but one-day Soojin came into your room and you could tell from the look on her face she had something bad to tell you. Soojin wasn't one to beat around the bush so she took your hand and told you. "Y/n just so you know before anyone else says it, tonight at the club I saw Vernon leaving with Eunji".
You'd been expecting it but it was still a blow. You'd been broken up just over a month now and wondered how long this had been happening. You trust Vernon hadn't been cheating on you but technically he could've gone to Eunji the night of your breakup and that would've been fine but you didn't know if Vernon was that type of person.
He wasn't.
Vernon laid in bed with Eunji and everything just felt wrong. He hadn't planned on this at all and all his members had been cautious when he said he wanted to come out tonight and he got why. He'd been emotional since the breakup and alcohol typically did not help with that. It didn't, drunk Vernon just missed you more and when he saw Eunji part of him just wanted what was familiar once more but familiar didn't mean good.
Of course, in the moment things had felt good enough and he'd wanted to leave with her, but now with the alcohol leaving his system and his brain returning he just felt so certain this wasn't right. He supposed it could be because this was the first girl he'd been with since you and so it was simply different not bad but that didn't feel right after.
"What are you thinking about?" Eunji asked resting her hands on his chest and Vernon tried not to tense. "Nothing" he said but it was pretty clear what he was thinking about or more accurately who. "It's okay you know" Eunji said "that she's still on your mind". "It is?" Vernon asked and she nodded "It's only been a month it'll get easier and easier and she'll become a distant memory". Vernon didn't even wonder how she'd know the time since you'd broken up. He was too focused on what Eunji saying you'd become a distant memory. He felt himself resisting it although he knew that was the goal. He was meant to stop thinking of you but the truth was he didn't want to. "And a great way to speed up the process is to keep doing things to distract you" Eunji said kissing his neck "so want me to distract you?". Vernon shook his head "I'm really tired so I think I'm just going to sleep". "Oh okay" Eunji said and she settled into his arms. Vernon didn't want to hug her but also couldn't see how he'd get out of it so he just closed his eyes and waited a long enough amount of time to switch her out of them.
You saw Vernon the following week at an award show and your mind immediately went to Eunji. Luckily you spotted Vernon before he saw you and knew exactly where not to look but Vernon didn't. He looked right at you and froze. He hadn't seen you in what felt like ages and he quickly tried to analyse everything about you to see if you'd been struggling as much as he had. Your hair was different which made sense as Vernon recalled you saying you couldn't wait to dye it. Your members were sat all around you like a fortress and you either hadn't noticed him or were purposefully not looking at him but Vernon couldn't seem to stop staring at you. The others noticed and Seungkwan knocked his leg "stop it, youre being too obvious". Vernon nodded and stared at his feet but he felt just shit. He wanted you to look at him to prove you atleast remembered he existed. That you'd been struggling too but all night you didn't even glance in his direction.
Later on at the afterparty Vernon saw your group pass Ateez and you stopped to chat to them. Vernon knew you were friends with Jongho and could see all the guys were bigging you up, complimenting your outfit. He watched Wooyoung twirl you and felt a sharp jolt run through him. "Hey relax" Scoups said beside him "ease up on the glass" and he realised he'd been gripping it so tight his knuckles were white. He set it down and sighed "I need some air" and stood up. "Want anyone to come with you?" Dino asked but he shook his head.
On the way back in he spotted Jongho and the boy saw him too. They were standing across from each other and as Jongho went to walk away Vernon called his name and hurried after him "Hey Jongho wait". Jongho turned and looked at Vernon "what?" he asked, his tone ice cold. "I was just wondering how Y/n is?". Jongho frowned "why would I tell you?'. "Look I know we broke up but I still care about her and want to make sure she's okay". Jongho shook his head "I'm not telling you anything" and turned to walk away but Vernon grabbed his arm "I'm not letting you leave until you answer my question". Jongho looked at Vernon's hand on him and back-up to Vernon. "Y/n doesn't owe you anything and you lost the privilege to know things about her so I'm not telling you anything. Now let go of me before I make you". Vernon suddenly realised Jongho was a lot stronger than him and let go "I'm sorry I just...I keep thinking about her and I just want to know she's okay". "You care so much about her huh?" Jongho asked "funny I thought your priority was Eunji nowadays" and he walked away.
Vernon's world came crashing down as he realised you knew about Eunji. He'd purposefully sworn her to secrecy to avoid this getting out but somehow Jongho knew and so you must know too. Vernon's mind was spinning and this was a disaster. He took out his phone and was texting you when Scoups and Seungkwan appeared "Vernon what happened?". "She knows about Eunji" he said "I have to tell her what happened". "Vernon calm down, you don't need to text Y/n right this second". "I do" Vernon said getting annoyed "she has to know...she has to!" When he dropped his phone and swore loudly. Seungkwan grabbed it before he could and Vernon held his hand out for it but Seungkwan didn't pass it to him. "Give me my phone" Vernon said but Seungkwan shook his head "friends don't let friends drunk text". "Seungkwan give me my phone!" Vernon yelled squaring up to him but Scoups got in between them "Hey, first you try and fight Jongho and now Seungkwan? Outside now!" and he led the younger boy out of the club. Vernon sat down on the curb and put his head in his hands. He sobbed and sobbed while Scoups patted his back.
Jongho called you the next morning and told you everything that happened. "I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want him taking up any space in your head but Wooyoung thought I should let you know". You nodded "yeah thanks for telling me. So he was pretty emotional huh?". Jongho nodded "he was a mess Y/n, he's really regretting the breakup'. You shook your head "but he's with Eunji". "He was really shaken when I said that too" Jongho said "he had no idea you knew". "He should've figured I'd have guessed" you said unimpressed. Jongho nodded "there's a lot of things Vernon should've done".
The next day Vernon was thinking that same thought. He'd had a terrible night and the thing that bothered him most was he had no idea how you knew about Eunji. They'd only hooked up once and he'd asked her to keep it quiet. His members wouldn't have told anyone so the only person who could've was her. So he called her and asked.
"Have you told anyone that we hooked up again?" he asked and there was silence. "Eunji?" he asked and she finally replied "a few people but what does it matter?". "What does it matter?" he cried "I didn't want anyone to know and guess who does? Y/n!". "Why do you care you're not together" she tried again and Vernon shrugged "so? I still don't want her to know I've slept with another girl". "I won't be your dirty little secret Vernon so if you want this to continue you need to let me tell who I want" Eunji said. "Okay it's over" Vernon replied and she paused "wait I won't tell anyone else". "It doesn't matter I don't want this to continue, it was a mistake anyway". "She doesn't want you anymore!" Eunji cried "there's no way she'll take you back, especially after this so think about what you're doing here Vernon. There's no need to throw this away from her". "It's not just for her it's for me. Goodbye Eunji" and Vernon hung up the phone, his hands shaking so much he dropped it the second he pressed the red button.
Scoups heard him on the phone and knocked "hey can Seungkwan and I come in?" and Vernon nodded. "I didn't realise you were awake" Scoups began "who was that on the phone?". "Eunji, she told people about us and I think she did it on purpose". Scoups nodded "she would've been my first guess" and Vernon sighed "I can't believe I went back to her. It's over now but she's right, it was unlikely Y/n wouldn't take me back before but now it's hopeless!". "No it's not!" Scoups said and Seungkwan who had also been listening outside burst in. "Vernon you need to stop this!" he cried and Vernon looked at him "Seungkwan I'm so sorry for last night I just feel so sad and angry all the time" he said tearing up and Scoups froze because Vernon never cried. Last night he'd been drunk so he let it pass but he'd never seen sober Vernon cry. Seungkwan was less taken aback though.
"Vernon you're not going to win Y/n back by sitting here regretting things, you need to be proactive!" Seungkwan said and Vernon looked at him "what do you mean? There's no way I'm winning Y/n back ever!". "You don't know that!" Seungkwan cried "look the whole reason you broke up was because Y/n didn't think you'd fight for the relationship and look! You're proving her right". Vernon knew Seungkwan was right but still felt deflated "so what do I do?". Seungkwan looked to Scoups wondering how much clearer he could make it. "Fight!" Scoups cried and Seungkwan nodded "show Y/n you care enough about her to make things right. If you want her, tell her you're not going to rest until she knows how much you care about her. At the very least try explaining things to her!" Seungkwan cried and Vernon frowned "but how? She won't speak to me". "Has she blocked your number?" Scoups asked and Vernon paused "I'm not sure, I haven't tried contacting her since we broke up". Both boys sighed "well let's start there then!" Seungkwan said "let's send a text first so it's not as scary as calling and we'll go from there".
You went to sleep late because Jongho insisted on staying up with you to watch the first Harry Potter because he knew they made you feel happy. So you woke up late as a consequence and heard your phone buzz. You reached out for it figuring it would be Jongho or Soyeon when you saw the name and gasped. You dropped the phone right on your face and cursed at the pain. By the time you recovered the ringing had stopped and you waited anxiously to see if Vernon would leave a voicemail...he did.
"Hey, I was really hoping we could talk. After last night some things have become really clear and I wanted to clear up the rumour about Eunji. Something did happen between us but she exaggerated and it's over. If nothing else I just want to apologise to you. So please let me know if we can text, call, meet...anything is fine I just need to speak to you".
Vernon's message shocked you for several reasons. You understood from what Jongho had said that he was upset but figured it was because he'd been caught, to hear he'd ended things with Eunji surprised you. Not to mention Vernon had texted you, of his own volition, asking to talk to you and have a proper adult conversation. You couldn't recall Vernon ever making this effort when you were dating and were pleasantly surprised. So that was probably why you acted so spontaneously and after discussing it with the girls decided to agree with Vernon's request.
Soojin squeezed your hand as you pressed the call button. It rang 3 times before Vernon picked it up "Y/n?". "It's me" you said and he gasped "oh thank god! Y/n thank you so much for calling you! I really need to talk to you". You nodded "okay so talk".
You were curious to hear what he would say but were still hurt by him and weren't just going to roll over. Vernon nodded "yeah I asked you if we could talk so yeah of course. Y/n firstly Eunji, we slept together once on the 11th of November and I regretted it instantly. It was after we broke up and I was a wreck but I thought going out drinking would make me feel better. It didn't. I watched the clock reach the time when we ended it and I just felt like such a loser. I knew I'd let you down and that I'd lost someone amazing. I hated myself but wasn't admitting that so I pretended I was fine but nothing felt right with Eunji and I felt even worse after it. I knew it was over then and asked Eunji not to tell anyone about it but she did and I'm so sorry. I never wanted you to find out about it". "Well it wasn't just Eunji who spread it. Soojin saw you leave the club together so you weren't exactly trying to hide it afterwards". Vernon nodded "you know what you're right. I did a stupid thing that hurt you and I'm sorry. There's no excuses".
Vernon was never usually so honest so you nodded "okay...I can't say all is forgiven but thank you for saying that. Was there anything else you wanted to say?". Vernon nodded "yeah so much but the best way I can think to express is it Y/n I'm so sorry I didn't show up for you or fight for us. I really was happy with you and care for you so much". "Vernon..." you said but he frowned "can I please just say this? I need to". "OKay" you said and he carried on. "I know I didn't fight for us before but I am going to fight for us now. I'm going to fight to show you how much I care about you and prove to you our relationship is worth saving". "Vernon I don't know if we can ever get back there" you said "there was so much wrong and I don't trust you". "Well I'll start there then, I'm going to show you that you can trust me and if we're lucky enough to get back there I'll show you how committed I am to fixing all those things. I can't just let you go Y/n...not without trying". You paused because that was what you'd always wanted to hear and Soojin noticed you get teary. She squeezed your hand again and you took a deep breath. "I can't lie that makes me happy" you said "but also scared. I won't ice you out Vernon but I also won't come running back to you. There's a lot that needs to change". Vernon nodded "of course and thank you so much for letting me try. I won't let you down Y/n!" he said and you nodded "okay Vernon" and hung up.
This time it was your hands that wouldn't stop shaking. "So how did it go?" Sojin asked and you paused "he says he's not giving up on us" and she smiled "that's pretty big for him right?". You nodded "let's just see if he lives up to it".
You honestly had no idea what to expect from Vernon's promise. You'd both left things undefined so you supposed Vernon could call you in a week's time or wave to you at an award show and think that was it...but he didn't.
To start with you got regular texts from Vernon in the morning and night but they weren't just the usual "good morning" texts. In each text, he would tell you something you used to do for him that he appreciated and as the days went by you were intrigued to see if he suddenly stopped or change themes but he didn't. He just kept coming up with more. It was a kind gesture that didn't demand anything of you and you appreciated it as the first step.
So the two of you started texting, Vernon would ask how your day was going and remember when you had a difficult day coming up and wish you luck. He was attentive, patient and supportive. So much so, 3 weeks later when Vernon tentatively mentioned meeting up after work for a coffee you agreed.
Typically to any date Vernon was late and would always have some sort of excuse. When you walked to the coffee shop and saw he wasn't outside you sighed. You waited until the time and then texted him asking if he was far. "I'm already here" he replied and you looked around confused when you saw him waving to you from inside. "I got here early and thought I'd wait inside but I should've told you I'm sorry" Vernon said anxiously but you just smiled "you got here early?". He nodded "of course, you're my priority Y/n and that will never change". You blushed and searched for something to change the conversation. "I should go get a drink" you said when Vernon shook his head "don't worry about that, chai with almond milk right?". You nodded "yeah but why?" when you saw him nod to the barista and who started making you your drink. "Sit he'll bring it over". "You remembered my drink?" you asked "and ordered for me?". "Why not?" Vernon asked "if I can make your day any better then I'll do that". You blushed and with nothing else to distract you just smiled.
You didn't want to get ahead of yourself but this date felt differently. It wasn't just you that did all the talking which usually happened on often because Vernon was too tired. Instead, Vernon talked a lot. He was very open with you about the things he was struggling with at the moment and how his appetite wasn't great. You knew you were probably the reason he looked a little skinnier lately and the second you hinted to that Vernon shook his head. "Don't be silly it's not you, our breakup wasn't your fault". "I mean but I ended it" you argued and Vernon shrugged "so? I did things to make you end it with time and I didn't fight it so it's my own fault. Don't blame yourself for telling me I needed to do better, I actually want to thank you for it". "You do?" you asked and Vernon nodded "yeah as much as it makes me nervous I needed to change. I wasn't fully living and was taking things for granted. You've helped open my eyes and the guys have all commented on the change in me. So no matter what thank you". You shook your head "I...you're welcome?" and Vernon chuckled. You forgot how much you missed the sound of his voice.
After that, you met up with Vernon regularly once a week. They didn't start off as dates but definitely got more light-hearted and date-like. Two weeks later after a restaurant date, you held Vernon's hand and he shot you a beautiful smile. A week after that you linked arms as you walked through the park and now Vernon would put his arm around whenever you sat down. Vernon was a lot more careful with you, in that he was aware of where you were at all times and was intuned to you. He'd move to face you without even thinking and would always take the seat to shade or protect you. You seemed to move in sync and you realised it was because it wasn't just you paying attention to him, he was paying attention to you too!
When you got home you were really happy and the girls noticed.
"What's got you so smiley?" Shuhua asked and you blushed making the girls all pay extra attention. "I bet it's Vernon!" Miyeon said in a sing-song voice and your further blush confirmed it. "Are things still going well?" Soyeon asked and you nodded "he's like a different person! Even when he first started dating he didn't behave like this and it makes me really happy". "That's so sweet" Minnie commented but Yuqi looked at you carefully "so what's wrong?". You sighed "well I don't know if I can trust him. Things are really great now but that doesn't erase everything that happened and he is still the same person deep down with the potential to do the same thing. I want to forgive him and try again but I just don't know if that's wise" you finished with a sigh looking down. The girls exchanged looks, saw they were all in agreement and turned to you.
"Y/n" Soojin said and you looked at her "what?". "I think you should take Vernon back?". "Really?" you asked and she nodded as did the other girls. "But what if he goes back to how he was? What if I look like a fool?". "Well I doubt that will happen" Soyeon said "for one thing you said he was never like this even when you first got back together so there's no reason for you to think he would decline. I think he really has changed. "He's proven himself" Minnie said "he's tried hard and shown he cares about you". "Yeah plus you can always dump his ass if he slips up again, trust me he'll feel more foolish than you" Yuqi said and that made you smile. So with the girls' support, you nodded.
The next time you saw Vernon you decided to tell him your decision but you knew you'd be nervous the whole date so instead you asked him to come to your first and all the girls made sure they were out. Vernon looked nervous when you opened the door and you got that. From your message, he probably worked out this wasn't a casual social call. Still, he gave you a smile when you opened the door and complimented your outfit. "Thank you, you look nice too" you replied and led him into your living room.
Once there you gestured for him to sit and took a seat across from him. "So I just wanted to have a clarifying talk because I know things have changed but we've not verbalised that". Vernon nodded "of course, I've really enjoyed how things have been doing by the way". "Me too" you nodded "but I just have one worry, that this will fade. I love all the care and attention but what if a month down the line things go back to how they were?" you asked Vernon. Vernon nodded "I know and I've considered this before. There's no physical proof I can give you other than my word. Y/n losing you was the worst thing that ever happened to me so I will do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen again. Not just that, you deserve way better than how I was treating you before and I'm ashamed of how I was acting. So I will never treat you like that again because I don't want to lose you but also because you deserve to be treated better. I want to cherish you Y/n because I'm lucky to have you and you bring so much into my life...I like you a lot Y/n" Vernon finished blushing but he never looked away from your eye. Not even for a second and you nodded.
"I like you too and I'm ready to try again" you replied.
Vernon's eyes lit up "you are? You're taking me back?" he asked and you nodded. "Y/n this is...I don't even have words!" he cried and dove on you making you laugh as he hugged you. He held you tightly, laughing too "thank you so much I love you" and then he froze "sorry I shouldn't have said that". "It's okay" you said "I'm not quite ready to say it back but thank you". Vernon nodded "no thank you" and he got to do something he never thought he'd be able to again.
He got to kiss you.
#vernon#vernon fic#vernon x reader#vernon x y/n#vernon x you#vernon x female reader#vernon angst#vernon svt#vernon seventeen#svt#svt fic#svt imagine#svt angst#svt x reader#seventeen fic#seventeen imagine#seventeen xreader#svt vernon#seventeen vernon#vernon seventeen imagine#vernon seventeen fic#seventeen vernon fic#seventeen vernon imagine#kpop#kpop fic#kpop vernon
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— ✧ isohel
i·so·hel (noun) a line on a map connecting points having the same duration of sunshine
pairing. hong joshua x reader
description. fairytales can be rather misleading, can't they? when you and your mother are ripped away from your life at the castle, you spend over a decade resenting the royalty. so naturally, when you find prince joshua at your doorstep, you’re more than eager to shut the door on him. but as your life takes twists and turns, you happen to find yourself in the arms of a man you never thought you'd have to see again.
genre. slowburn, modern royalty au, angst, fluff
tags. prince!joshua, developing relationships, slut shaming, allusions / references to greek mythology, dialogue heavy, implied se
fic playlist
w/c. 26.2k
a/n. lwk don't like the beginning but i swear it gets better🙄 thank u @cheolhub for beta reading & @jeonghantis & @gyuswhore for reading it over and helping out w this bc i think i was going insane over this story by myself >_<; ... i highly suggest listening to the song isohel by eden! it was a major inspiration for this whole story and i think it encapsulates the vibes really well c: hope u enjoy!
The sound of glass shattering isn’t foreign to your ears.
It’s common in the sweltering heat of the summer when the air is hot and sticky. Maids running around to tend to the evenings balls and parties only for the sweat to breach their fingers and suddenly their stack of fine china goes tumbling to the ground.
A bed of hyacinths sits in front of you as you bring up the hose and spray them down, watching through the tinted glass as two male helpers rush to the woman on the ground, quickly helping her clean up the shards of glass.
Turning your attention back to the plants in front of you, you turn the hose off and roll it back into the corner as you skip to the end of the greenhouse where there’s your mother’s desk space. It’s a measly little space but she hardly sits there anyways, always tending to the gardens in the courtyards, leaving the floral and herbal greenhouses under your care while she’s away.
After all, your mother is a gardener and botanist in the Hong palace, and having been a trusted employee for the past half decade since your father passed, she exudes the little privileges of getting to bring her daughter to work.
At least that’s what you think, because you’re only nine years old and naive.
She teaches you well—you’ve only been accompanying her on the weekends when you don’t have school, but you’ve already picked up on how to tell the differences between an infected plant and an unaffected one, the characteristics of a good caterpillar and the characteristics of a bad one, the exact amount you should water each species, and exactly when you should let the vapor run down.
It’s easy work, and you love it.
You love sitting at your mother’s desk and imagining what it’d be like to be her—successful and working in the castle, doing what you love instead of working some stupid nine to five. You love looking out the glass of the greenhouses every few moments when you pause reading your book. You love the rare moments when you get to lay your eyes on one of the members of the royal family walking by.
You’ve started to pick up on their characters in the small frame of time you get to see them when they pass by. The Queen has kind eyes, the King is a bit intimidating, and Prince Joshua … Prince Joshua has soft features you can’t quite read.
“He’s only a year older than you!” one of your friends from school said when you told her that you stayed at the castle during the weekends to help your mother. “You should marry him and become princess!”
You had to push her away and watch her disappointed eyes when you told her that you hardly get to see him for more than ten seconds, even on the rare occasions that he crosses your vision.
The sound of glass shattering isn’t foreign to your ears, but hearing it more than twice in one hour does have some alarms ringing in your head. When you glance back up at the window, time stops.
Your mother is on the ground. Limbs sprawled out with eyes wide in horror, she scrambles against the rough stone path as a man looms over her. He dons a deep purple robe—the kind that belongs to the advisors of the Court—and your young mind races through the possibilities of what warrants the disgusted look on his face.
“Sneaking around with royal blood. Who do you think you are?”
A man watches, dark and brooding from the corner, and then you recognize him. Advisor Lee. He stops by the greenhouses sometimes—a high advisor of the Counsel and distance relative of the King’s. You’re nine years old and naive, but you are not dense.
Something had happened between your mother and Advisor Lee. Something tells you it’s more than you can understand, but in this moment, you feel you understand perfectly.
“You whore,” the man in the dark robes spits out, punctuating his disgust with a stomp of his feet right by your mother’s leg.
You’re only nine years old, but that is old enough to know that that is not a nice word. Nine years old, and you know that that means a very bad thing. Nine years old and when you look at your mother’s grief stricken face, you are certain that everything is about to change.
Your house was always on the edge of the town. Before the affair between Advisor Lee and your mother, it was because she liked having the space to open a garden in your backyard. The city is crowded and full of bustling roads and buildings—it’s no fit for the small cottage that she wanted.
Now, after the affair, your house is on the edge of the town for a different reason.
The first day after your mother is fired from her position at the castle, you go to school with your head hanging low. It’s in the city, and for the first time in your five years of schooling, your mother tells you to go alone.
“I can’t—I shouldn’t drive you anymore,” she tells you as you pack your backpack. She walks you to the bus station and hands you a paper telling you which stop to get off at and how to walk to school from there.
You’re not sure what you’re expecting when you two walk up to the little stop by the street, but when you approach the small crowd of people waiting for the next bus to come in, their chatter hushes. Sparing glances at you and your mother, they whisper—some hushed, some blatant, some sad, some angry.
That’s where she stops and puts a heavy hand on your shoulder. “You can take it from here, yeah?” she asks, but you know it’s not really a question. Nodding, you slowly walk towards the crowd of people as the next bus parks in front of the stop.
You don’t turn around and look at your mother because you know that’d be a mistake. Instead, you let your neck droop, following the quiet crowd as they pile into the bus, clutching the strings of your backpack.
There aren’t any places to sit, so you reach for a pole but suddenly the bus starts and you lurch forward, falling to the ground. There’s black and brown dust on the palms of your hand as you push yourself up, no one saying a word or bothering to help as you keep your head down and grip onto a pole.
The knees of your stockings are dirtied, and it’s the only thing you look at the whole ride, it’s the only thing you look at when you silently take the walk to school, and it’s the only thing you look at when you make your way onto campus.
It’s the whispers again, and as you quietly sink into your normal seat, you hear them louder.
Did you hear about her mother? She isn’t allowed in the castle grounds anymore. What did her mother do? I can’t believe she showed up, I’d be crying at home. I wonder what she’s thinking—
Nothing. You think nothing when your teacher announces that class will be starting. All you focus on is the board and your notebook. You spend your recess and lunch at the school’s library, and as soon as the final bell rings, you scurry off campus and towards the bus station.
It isn’t like the morning—people don’t hush and stare, but nine years old is smart enough to know that it’s because they don’t know you’re your mother’s daughter. There aren’t any empty seats just like the morning but this time, a nice gentleman offers you his spot.
You can tell he isn’t so sure of his decision though, when you finally get off at your stop and you run off to your mother who’s waiting for you by the bench. From the corner of your vision, you watch the man through the bus window, jaw tight and gaze cold as he watches you slip your hand into your mother’s.
Your mother doesn’t talk on the short walk home. She doesn’t ask you about school and she doesn’t ask you about what the other kids said. You figure that she doesn’t need to hear it anyways, and so you purse your lips together.
You have a lot to get used to.
Your life doesn’t change much, and you get used to it.
School days are spent with your head buried in a new book with every break you have. Your time at home is nothing but studying and your mother teaching you how to tend to the garden in your yard.
Soon you are graduating and moving on with your life as you make the transition to college, although you can’t say much changes. You study, you read, and occasionally you commission a project. It’s usually just renovating a citizen’s yard, sometimes it’s designing a public garden, but it’s never anything too serious.
Right now, you’re perched on a wooden stool, elbows leaning on the counter as you swipe your thumb over your tongue to flip the next page of your book. The paper is worn through, soft under your touch as a show for all it’s been through—bought second hand from your boss.
Your boss is a kind old man who happened to be a friend of your late grandfather’s, and when his little bookstore was teetering on the edge of being forgotten, you couldn’t refuse the offer to step in to work.
You’re around halfway through the book when you hear the familiar ringing of the bell above the door, head snapping up only to see your boss at the front door with a few envelopes in one hand, a plastic bag in the other.
“Holding up the fort, I see,” he greets with a low chuckle as you stand up and walk over, taking the bag from his hand to help out.
“As always, Mr. Min,” you reply, setting the bag of books down on the counter. “Are these—”
“They’re your mothers. I was walking by your house this morning and she asked me to take these and add them to our stock, since she said she doesn’t need them anymore.”
“Huh,” you say softly, taking out the various books about plants. “Not sure how big the market for gardening books is anymore, but I’m sure I can add it to our catalog after hours today,” you mutter, setting them on the table behind the register as he places the letters in his hand.
“Your mother also told me to give you this,” he says, his tone an octave lower as he plucks out one the envelopes and hands it to you. You knit your eyebrows together, wiping your dusty hands down on your pants before taking a look at it. “It’s from—”
“The castle,” you whisper, holding the envelope closer to your face to make sure you’re seeing it correctly. “Oh my god—it’s from the castle.”
“Yeah. Must be important if your mom felt the need to send it through me instead of just waiting for you to come home and take a look at it.”
“A-are you sure this is meant for me?” you manage to ask, flipping the envelope over a few times to make sure you read your name correctly.
“Yup,” Mr. Min replies, pointing down at where the intended recipient is listed. Sure enough, it’s your name listed in dark and bold ink in one corner, and then there’s that stupid royal emblem of the sun in the other corner.
Your heart sinks to your stomach at the possibilities of what could be inside, raking your mind for an answer. Was something wrong? Was it about your mother? Or was this just some big mistake?
Dear Madam,
The Hong Royal Counsel wishes to find you well, as we present a request.
Your reputation with your mother’s work as well as the operation of your own gardens throughout the city, along with your academic achievements at our very own Hong University have reached our ears, and we believe you possess the skills required for a special project we have in mind.
You will have the opportunity to lead this project as you please and earn a notable financial sum in payment for your efforts.
Please indicate your acceptance by replying to this letter at your earliest convenience. We eagerly await your response and sincerely hope that you will be able to grace our kingdom with your talent and presence.
Thank you,
Hong Royal Counsel
You don’t have to read the letter more than once before you scoff, tossing the crisp paper and letting it drift down onto the counter before muttering under your breath, “Who do they think they are?” Crumpling the envelope and letter up, you throw it down into the trash can by your chair.
Knocks on your door aren’t normal. The delivery and mailmen know better than to do that, leaving your packages and mail by the doorstep and doing no more than that.
Knocks on your door usually mean Mr. Min is here for something—picking up some of the veggies your mother grew because the store prices are too high, dropping off a book, or indulging in some pleasantries and casual small talk.
It’s eight in the morning when you hear the soft rapping against your front door. Your mom is in the kitchen and your room, right next to the foyer, has walls thin enough to let the sounds through. You’re on your bed though, and it’s comfortable, warm, and it’s too early to be out and about anyways. You’ve just spent the past nine months laboring away at college, so you’re granting yourself these few moments of peace in the morning.
Pressing your head into the pillow, you try to drown out the noise of your mother conversing with Mr. Min this early in the morning. After you hear the door open, there’s a silence and for a moment, you think you’ve succeeded in plugging your ears well enough.
You’re about to smile to yourself and drift back into a heavy sleep before you hear a loud gasp.
It takes a lot to surprise your mother—you’ve come to learn that in recent years. It takes a lot to stun her, to have her gasp as you just heard. Scurrying out of bed, you press your ear against the wall in hopes to catch a glimpse of what’s going on.
All you hear is silence.
It hardly takes a second for you to shove off your blankets and throw yourself into the hallway, rushing towards the foyer where you see your mother standing in front of the open door. She stays unmoving and you wince for a few moments, eyes still adjusting to the morning light as you make your way closer to the door to see what exactly has her so shocked.
And then you catch it: a glint of that wretched, golden sun emblem stitched onto a purple velvet coat.
“What the f—”
Your mother’s hand flies up and grabs your wrist tightly. It’s the first time you see her move, and as she turns around to face you with dark, warning eyes, you press your lips shut as you glance over her shoulder. In front of your doorstep is a man you never thought you’d get to see in person again, not after that day.
Prince Joshua is just as handsome as the tabloids and social media make him out to be, and his presence in your life also seems to be equally infuriating.
“What is he doing here?” you hiss, pulling your mother closer to you so she’s close enough to hear you.
Her eyes are somber, and you silently wonder how she can be so calm, so docile, so—so tame. “They’re here for you,” she whispers, turning her whole body so her back faces the prince.
“What are you talking about? Why would—”
“The letter sent to you from the kingdom. I thought you told me it was a mistake.”
“It was,” you mutter, eyes glancing at Prince Joshua behind her. His gaze is averted, presumably out of respect for the conversation you’re having with your mother right now, but you can’t find it in yourself to appreciate him for it.
“Then why is he asking for your name?”
You gulp anxiously, eyes flickering between your mother’s eyes and the floor. “I don’t know.”
“Talk to him. It must be important,” she orders, walking forward and toward the kitchen and you grab her shoulder quickly.
“Are you kidding me? Why—why would I talk to him? Why would I talk to any of them?” you argue louder than you intended, and your mother swats your hand away sharply.
“They’re royalty,” she says, voice strained with caution.
“And? It’s not medieval times where they actually rule over us so—”
Your mother sighs heavily and then it hits you that no matter how much logic you try to expend, it’d be futile. “Talk to him. It isn’t quite like you have a choice.”
“You of all people shouldn’t put up with this,” you state and the second the words leave your lips, you regret it. Her face hardens and there’s a cold feeling that sinks in your stomach as she frees herself of your grasp and marches away.
You’re left watching her back fade into the rest of your house as your eyes are wide and you’re becoming increasingly aware of the presence of another person behind you. A person who is very important and very famous and very much a representation of all the things you loathe.
Turning on your heel, you don’t bother to push your lips up into a morning grin facing Prince Joshua with tired eyes and frown etched into your mouth. Taking a deep breath, you glance back at your mother who is in a far off room, deciding that whatever he needs to say to you, she doesn’t need to hear.
Slipping on some slippers, you quickly walk out of the house and close the door behind you, putting you right in front of Prince Joshua who waits for you with bright eyes.
“Hi,” he greets, voice airy and light as he takes a few steps back so he can bow, of which you begrudgingly return. “Sorry to bother you so early in the morning, I was just taking care of some work in the area and was told to stop by and talk to you about something.”
He sounds sincere, and his lips curve into a pleasant expression when he speaks, and you wonder if he’s plain stupid playing dumb to save you the humiliation of the situation—a royal prince speaking to the daughter of ‘a slut who seduced the royal advisor.’
So unable to decipher anything about his true intentions, you ask bluntly, “Is it about the letter I got from the kingdom two weeks ago?”
Prince Joshua chuckles nervously, rubbing the back of his neck and you catch the fancy white fabric of his buttoned up shirt underneath the coat. “I mean, yes it is and—”
You scoff, crossing your arms over your chest. “Why do you guys even bother sending letters? It’s the 21st century, you know? Emails exist.”
His face reddens, looking away before pursing his lips together. “Some things are just kept out of tradition,” Prince Joshua reasons quickly. “But I totally understand that, we’ll keep emailing in mind. But for the meantime, that’s, uh, kind of what I’m here for. We didn’t hear back a response, and I would like to take your answer back to the castle for you.
“Isn’t no response enough of a response?”
“Well—”
“My answer is no, if that wasn’t obvious,” you say, turning back to the door. “Is that all?”
“Wait!” he exclaims, grabbing your arm with his white leather gloves. It’s a bit surprising, really—he seems awfully timid for a prince and you’re a bit unnerved by how he hasn’t reprimanded you yet for being disrespectful. “Is there a reason why you don’t want to take on the job? If there are some specifics, maybe we can adjust the arrangement so it’s more to your liking.”
Your eyes widen, bewildered. “What? No I—I don’t care for anything like that, I won’t take the job.”
“Aren’t you just a ray of sunshine,” he mutters under his breath before his eyebrows knit together as he looks at the ground, seemingly trying to figure something out. “Is it the money? We can negotiate your salary,” he offers and you shake your head.
“No, it’s not the money—I don’t care about the money,” you say harshly. “It’s not any of that, I just don’t want to.”
“Can you tell me why? It’s just, I’ll have to report this back to the Counsel and if I’m not able to recruit you, they’d at least want some reasoning for why.”
Inhaling sharply, it takes all your self control to not let your eye twitch and slam the door in his face. “Are you really asking me why I don’t want to?” Pursing your lips together, you glare at him harshly. “You were there that day, weren’t you?” you ask more quietly, and for a moment you see Prince Joshua falter. “Not that I’d expect you to care but surely you can at least understand why I don’t want to.”
“I-I’m sorry, but I really can’t change the past.”
Scoffing, you turn on your heel and open the door. “I’m not asking you to.”
“Wait—just wait a sec’!” he calls out, stopping the door with his palm before you close it. “You’re in your second year at Hong University, right?” He doesn’t wait for a response before he continues. “We’ll pay for the rest of your tuition.”
The air in your lungs seems stuck for a passing moment, and you shake your head to yourself, stepping into your house and turning around one last time with cold eyes and a deep frown. “No.”
The prince looks around hastily before blurting out, “We’ll do all of it!”
“All of what?”
“We’ll pay for all of your tuition—reimburse you for what you’ve already paid.” You don’t care. You shouldn’t care. “All of it, plus your hourly wage,” he adds, and you don’t even have a chance to think before you feel your mother’s hand on your back.
“She’ll do it.”
Your mother chuckles as she helps you tie the lavender colored robe around your waist. You’re not sure what she finds so funny about this, but you bite your tongue when you start to catch on how she ties the ribbons with such ease.
Over ten years of being away from the castle can’t erase the time she spent there, tying her own robe every morning before she was stripped of her title, and in turn, also the life she worked so hard to build up.
As you look down at the smooth fabric sent to you a week earlier from the castle, you’re forced to begrudgingly admire the intricate embroidery. The collar and ribbons are decorated with a darker purple stitching that runs in all sorts of twists and turns and swivels around the curves of your body.
“They’ve made them look nicer since I’ve last seen them,” she thinks out loud, matting her hands down your shoulders to smooth the fabric down one last time before taking a look.
“I don’t understand why you’re still so—” You inhale sharply and press your lips together, warning yourself to not say anything more when she shoots you a cautionary look. “Sorry,” you mutter, turning away so you can glance at yourself in the mirror. You do look pretty nice, if you had to admit.
“Just think about the money,” your mother encourages. “They’re covering the cost of all your schooling—all those days spent at Mr. Min’s can now go towards things you enjoy, rather than paying for your university.”
“I guess,” you grumble, adjusting your hair one last time before grabbing your phone and keys, walking towards the foyer.
“You know the way right?” your mother calls out as you slip on your shoes and walk out onto the front porch.
“I wish I didn’t,” is all you say, low and under your breath as you make your way to the car.
The castle lies in the heart of the city, so it’s quite the drive. You’re careful as you try to keep your robes clean, bunching it up to your thighs as you drive, and once you’ve made your way to the castle, you’re sure to make sure the hem of the bottom doesn’t hit the ground.
Reporting to the entrance that was given in your email (why they send emails for instructions but not the actual invitation to your job still remains a mystery to you), you carefully tuck your phone into a crevice of your robes.
The entrance starts at a gate on the east end of the castle, and you make your way to the little hut that sits at one end where a woman in a lavender polo and dress pants sits at a desk. Knocking on the window, you smile nervously as she looks up from her papers.
“Can I help you?”
“Yes!” you say, holding up your phone and pointing to your first day instructions. “It’s my first day here, and I’m not sure how to get inside and all.”
“Did they give you a code?”
“Uh, yeah let me check again,” you murmur, looking back at your phone to find the 5 digit code you were sent. “It’s, uh—32423.” The lady hums and nods, checking something on her computer before looking up at you with a smile.
“That’s correct. From now on you can just come through the smaller gate on the side—it should be to the left of this big gate, and just put in whatever code you have. It changes every few days but you’ll be notified with the new password every time it does.”
“Thank you,” you say, glancing over your shoulder to look at the gate she’s talking about.
“For now, just follow me. Since it’s your first day, I’ll show you the way to the … where was it you need to get to?”
“Right here it says the Advisory Quart?”
The girl’s eyes widen as she sits up from her seat and walks out of the hut, leading you toward the smaller gate. “Seriously?” she asks as she punches in the code, the gate automatically opening once she’s done.
The gate leads to a narrow pathway that runs slightly uphill in the midst of a lush field of trimmed green grass and sparse flowers that was previously hidden from you by the large stone halls. You remember the scene vaguely, but it’s a lot lovelier in person than you remember. Glancing up the pathway, you catch sight of the large castle in front of you, and the vision has an uneasy feeling floating in your stomach.
“Uh yeah, is that surprising?” you respond, hoping the small talk will distract you, even if it’s only a little.
“I mean the Advisory Quart is no joke. Those people work like crazy dogs—” she says with a laugh before looking at you with wide eyes. “Wait, I’m sorry—please don’t tell anyone I said that, they’ll—”
“Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me. But please do continue—what were you saying? I haven’t been in that castle in a long—I’ve never been to the castle before, so I’m not up to speed with all the different Quarts and sectors and stuff.”
“Oh well, it’s just that the Advisory Quart does a lot of work … I swear they’re always running around, talking about some new project they’re working on,” she says as you follow her up some steps, nearing an entrance to a building connected to the castle.
“What kind of projects?” you ask curiously.
“Oh gosh, everything, I tell you, they do pretty much everything. From helping the King with his own decisions to doing absolutely random, huge projects, there always seems to be someone who’s on top of everything. I remember I had a friend whose husband worked up there—they were working on designing a whole new ballroom and no one had any idea why! So what are you going to be doing there?”
Chuckling nervously, you aren’t sure if you should tell this girl that you don’t really know. “One of those random projects, I assure you,” you tell her because you’re pretty sure it’s true. After all, you’re almost positive they won’t have you be doing anything that’s worthwhile.
“Ah, well you’ll probably be swamped either way,” the girl says with a sigh as you reach a large wooden door. “Anyways, we’ll part ways here. Just go through these doors and there’ll be a big hallway. Ignore all the different corridors and doors on the side, and just go straight and you can see there’s an open room at the end of this hallway. That’s where your check-in will be, and the people there will direct you to wherever you need to go.”
You blink a few times, taking in all the information before nodding meekly, bowing and thanking the girl for her time as she walks away. Taking a deep breath, you open the door with a loud creaking noise, stepping into the grand hallway.
The walls are beige with ornate accents lining the bottom and top, intricate designs carved into the ceilings that hang chandeliers in intervals. Your sandals clack against smooth travertine marble as your eyes roam the entrances to different corridors and rooms, doors dark and wooden, similar to the one you just entered through.
There aren’t many people in the long hallways, passing by only a few others who seem to have their attention busied by papers or their phone. Some of them are wearing similar fashioned robes to yours, while most of the others are wearing the same lavender colored polo and white slacks as the girl who brought you here.
Smoothing the fabric below your waist one more time as you near the large open room you were directed to, you glance around and find a desk with a kind looking receptionist talking to a man wearing your kind of robes.
Quietly approaching the desk, you stand a few feet behind him, patiently waiting for them to finish so you can step up. Neither of them seem to notice, being caught up in a conversation that seems a bit of a mix of professional and leisurely.
Twiddling with your fingers behind your back, you rock side to side on your feet as you wait for the two to finish up talking about how they’re excited for the next ball that’s coming up, not bothering to think about who these people might be and why they’re even invited to it.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” the man at the counter calls out, “I can help you.” He smiles and waves you over before nudging the other man on his shoulder. “Seokmin, go—you’re distracting me.”
The man he pushed is a handsome looking guy, light brown hair falling just above his eyes as he turns around and gives a small smile, stepping to the side but not fully backing away. “Ah, sorry about that. Go ahead, we were just catching up.”
“No worries,” you say quickly, walking up to the receptionist. “I’m here to find the Advisory Quart I think? I was told to report to this entrance, and the lady at the front told me to come here—it’s my first time here so—”
“Your first time in the castle?” the other man asks you with wide eyes.
“Uh, well—”
“Don’t mind him—Seokmin, you know better than to mess with the newbies,” the receptionist murmurs, and you frown at the word. He catches on and looks up at you, holding a hand out. “No offense.”
“N-none taken. So could you help me—I’m really not sure where to go.”
“Yeah of course. Does your email say who you’ll be reporting to?”
“It says here ‘Mr. Park.’”
“Oh okay, his room number’s going to be 77, right down that corridor right there,” the receptionist tells you kindly, pointing at one of the side hallways you saw while walking here. “Since it’s your first day, I’ll let him know that you’ll be coming down so he can be ready. I’m sorry, what’s your name?”
“Thank you so much,” you say bowing, quickly telling him your name. So caught up in the kindness of these peers, you almost forgot why you were so reluctant to come here in the first place, but no worries, this receptionist does a good job of reminding you.
His lips press into a thin line as raises a brow, asking you to repeat your last name again. When your answer slips from your lips, it’s much quieter. A heavy cloud sinks over you as you realize that even after years away, your family name is still tainted.
“Okay,” the receptionist finally says briskly, and you’re taken aback by how cold his voice has become. “I’ll let him know you’re coming down. You can proceed now.”
He doesn’t give you a ‘good luck,’ or a ‘have a nice day,’ or a ‘do you have any questions,’ despite his cheery attitude from before. Now he’s looking at you with an expressionless face and eyes that won’t meet yours as you shamefully turn away.
So caught up in the disappointment, you hardly notice how the other man—Seokmin—is still watching the scene unfold. As you walk away from the open room, there’s a hand on your wrist. Whipping around, you’re faced with a Seokmin whose face seems unreadable, just like the receptionists. Except something is … different. He seems sincere, and you feel safe.
“You might get lost trying to get there,” Seokmin says rather casually, letting go of your hand and walking next to you. “Come on, I’ll show you the way—I’m working under Mr. Park too actually, I’m his intern—so I know the way pretty well and can fill you in on what he’s like.”
You wonder why Seokmin isn’t acting like the receptionist. Your family name is still somewhat taboo in the city outside the castle, so you were pretty confident when walking into the actual place of the ‘crime scene’ that you’d be even more … generally disliked.
Seokmin seems to be different though, and you can’t quite figure out why.
Seokmin lets you know Mr. Park is mean when he wants, which seems to be always. Direct with his words but also, you have to read in between the lines sometimes if you don’t want to get scolded. You’re not sure what to do with that information, because Seokmin doesn’t tell you much else.
You walk down the corridor with him before stopping in front of a wooden door to your right, labeled with that familiar sun emblem and a golden plated plaque reading ‘77.’ “C’mon, he should be in here right now,” Seokmin says, pressing against the frame and pushing the door open.
Inside is a room unlike the others you’ve seen before. The ceiling is much lower and baskets of plants hang from it, vines lining the limestone walls, and pots and beds of plants sit by the smaller desks that litter the area. There’s a larger desk at the end opposite to the door, and you see a man with grey hair and firm eyes sitting at the ornate chair, reading through a stack of papers.
“Ah, Seokmin,” he says, standing up when he notices the two of you by the door, and it’s not you realize that this man is Mr. Park. Both you and Seokmin bow hastily. “I was waiting for the two of you to arrive.” His gaze then turns to you, and it’s sharp. “What took you so long?” His tone is harsh and you almost wince. “It isn’t your first time in the castle,” Mr. Park says bluntly, and for once you are taken aback because no one has addressed the cloud hanging over your head so directly yet.
“I’m sorry sir, I haven’t been here in—”
“No excuses. Don’t be late again.”
“Y-yes sir,” you reply meekly, faltering in your step a little.
Mr. Park sighs heavily and looks at Seokmin, waving him off. “Go to the Ballroom and ask around to see if they need anything for tonight. Don’t be slow like last time.”
“Yes sir! Right on it,” Seokmin says with a nod, quickly turning on his heel and scurrying out of the room.
“And for you …” Mr. Park mutters as he takes in your figure with an unnerving look on his face. “I need you to lead a project.”
Your eyes bulge out of your head. “Lead a project? I don’t even know what—”
“Word has it that the Prince himself had to bribe you with a whole four years of Hong tuition to get you here. Surely you didn’t think you’d be given light work.” people knew about that?
“Well, I didn’t know much about anything and I don’t even know what work I’m supposed—”
“You’ll figure it out, soon enough,” Mr. Park tells you briskly, walking over to his desk where a large chalkboard sits to its left. Using a stick, he points at a word written in a corner. Garden. “The Queen has a courtyard that she no longer likes the look of. It’s been stripped down, and you’re in charge of turning it into a garden of her liking.”
You knit your eyebrows together. “A-a whole courtyard?”
Mr. Park raises a brow. “Are you saying that it’s too much for you?”
“N-no!” you exclaim quickly. “I’m just surprised, that’s all. I don’t get why I would be chosen to do this.”
Mr. Park huffs, and you wonder how such a tiny old man can fit so much sass in him. “If you must know: the Queen loved how your …” he pauses and within a fraction of a second you have a feeling where this is going, “… your mother designed the gardens on the West end.”
Mr. Park walks towards his desk and sits down, not looking at you as he cards through a few binders. “The Queen wants a similar style for this courtyard but since we can’t exactly have her back …”
You wince for real this time as you conclude, “… you tried to get the next closest thing.”
Mr. Park nods, not returning a snarky comment this time, much to your pleasure. “I’m the head of Design & Architecture, by the way, if you have any questions ask me—as long as it’s not stupid. You lead your project—design it and plan it. When you need people to work on it just talk to Seokmin and he’ll assign someone. You have three months to finish it. If you need an extension, you’ll have to get it approved by me.”
“Okay,” you respond quickly, trying to take in all the information at once. “Is there, like, a theme? Anything she wants in particular?”
“That’s a stupid question,” Mr. Park says bluntly and you frown as he points at a desk behind you. “Your desk is there. Any information you need will be there.”
“Y-yes sir, thank you,” you say, bowing and turning on your heel to sit down at your new chair. The desk is dark, wooden, and completely barren except for a thin folder set in the middle. Opening it, there’s a single paper inside with only a few bullet points typed out, and it hardly takes you a moment to read through all of it.
It’s vague—your only real requirements are the adherence to the kingdom’s symbolic purple colors, and inclusion of a general theme throughout the courtyard.
You furrow your eyebrows at the lack of guidance—were you really left to make such major decisions about such a large space in a castle you haven’t been in years? There’s so much room for error and disappointment and rejection, and after the past years of being treated like your family was nothing but a mistake, you aren’t sure if you can handle any more of it.
Closing your eyes, you absentmindedly nod to yourself in a silent promise. Closing the folder, you stand up. “Mr. Park, sir, do you know where the courtyard—”
“There is a map on the wall. Figure it out.”
You huff, glancing at the large map of the castle next to the chalkboard. This is going to be harder than you thought.
You run into Seokmin just as you leave 77, and he helps lead you to the courtyard. “So you’re working on this one, huh,” he says under his breath as you both appear in front of a large plot of land surrounded by castle buildings on all sides. You’re both standing on the East entrance to the courtyard, and there are four adjacent and opposite entrances on all other sides.
“Uh, yeah,” you say steadily, glancing back down at your minimal instructions before looking back up at the courtyard. It’s a square, and if you had to estimate, each side would be around 50 yards long, leaving quite a great deal of space for you to work with it.
“Pretty big project, huh,” Seokmin says, although his tone seems much more lighthearted than your mood. How the hell are you supposed to transform this in three months?
“Yeah,” you mutter, squinting at the bright sunlight as you analyze the plot.
“You know, I can totally help if you want,” Seokmin begins to say, and you take note of how quickly he talks. “I don’t know if Mr. Park told you but you can basically ask me for help on anything and like, I’m really doing this whole interning thing for fun—” Who the hell works as an intern for Mr. Park, for fun? “—so I’d be happy to help.”
“Thanks. I’ll ask if I need anything.”
“Great!” Seokmin cheers, clapping his hands together before looking behind your shoulder and letting his smile brighten. He waves at someone behind you and you purse your lips together, wondering if you should brace yourself for yet another salty interaction.
“Minnie!” a deep voice greets and suddenly, your feet seem glued in their spot. You know that voice.
“Shua, hey!” Seokmin says cheerily, and you silently cringe. “Crazy running into you here, gosh, I haven’t seen you since last week!”
Prince Joshua laughs, and it reminds you of all those years ago when you watched him from inside the greenhouse. You hate how you remember.
“Yeah, my fencing instructor let me off earlier so I thought I might browse around the castle for a bit,” he explains, and when it all goes quiet and you realize that he must be looking at you, but you don’t dare to turn around.
“Oh,” Seokmin exclaims, as if he’s just realized that he forgot something. You feel a tapping on your shoulder, and for a second you debate just running the other way and never letting yourself return to the castle but for something, you’re planted in your place. “Hey, look,” he says quietly in your ear, “It’s the Prince.”
Like you don’t fucking know that. Nodding, you slowly follow his lead and turn around, eyes trained on the ground as you bow.
“Oh, well if it isn’t that little ray of sunshine,” Prince Joshua says, and it takes everything to not let your eye twitch as you finally look up at him. He’s wearing the same royal uniform you say to him when you showed up on his doorstep and his eyes are crinkled as he smiles widely.
Your face burns as Seokmin’s eyes flicker back and forth between you, and your lips are pressed together in an awkward silence. “You know each other?” His face displays nothing but perplexion for a few moments but then it seems that some of the cogs turned and his lips open wide into a large ‘o,’ and Seokmin waves his finger while nodding. “Oh you’re the girl Shua said he had to offer four years worth of—”
“Seokmin,” Prince Joshua interrupts, putting his hand over his friend’s mouth after catching the look of mortification on your face for bringing it up. “Mr. Park was calling you, I’m pretty sure.”
“Ugh, are you kidding me? I thought this would be fun for the summer but he actually has me doing stuff!” As the two converse casually, you wonder how hard it’d be to quickly slip away.
“Not sure what you expected,” Joshua chides his friend before Seokmin groans and you hear the heavy footsteps of him walking away. He calls out your name once and your eyes shoot up as you bashfully wave your hand at him, bidding goodbye.
You’re left in this corridor with the empty thoughts in your head and the goddamn prince of the kingdom. You half expect him to just wave at you and go about his own business, but it seems like you still have a lot of learning to do.
After all, Prince Joshua is a fickle man. “It’s nice to see you again, Sunshine,” he greets, and you think you might pass out from embarrassment. Glancing around, you see a few maids overhear him using the name and murmuring their own whispers amongst themselves as they rush away.
“H-hi,” you say nervously, suddenly aware that much attention is on you now that the prince is speaking to you.
“So this is what you’re working on?” he asks curiously, not paying a single mind to your awkwardness, walking toward the door which leads to the East entrance to the courtyard.
“Yes sir,” you murmur. You could be snappish outside the walls and in the boundaries of your own home but here, you’re bound by royal courtesy and witnesses that surround you. Compliance is all you can manage out in the open.
“Don’t call me sir—you’re around the same age as me, so it feels weird,” Joshua says dismissively, and you furrow your brows at how casual he’s being. “So,” he starts, looking out at the empty yard of dirt, “you got any idea of what you’re going to do with it?”
“Not a clue,” you reply honestly, keeping your answers brisk. Joshua seems to catch on and he pouts at you. How can a man act so childish? The thought lingers in your head for a moment before he starts talking to you.
“So cold. Brighten up Sunshine. I’ll stop in soon to see how it’s going here—I’m interested!” he says cheerily before stepping back and nodding. You bow as he walks away, waving to you one last time before leaving you in the corridor with not a single thought in his mind.
There seems to be a distinct odd air around the prince, except you can’t quite place why that is.
It’s been three weeks since you started working at the castle—time passes quickly when you have loads of work to do and not much time to do it. You spent the first week hunched over at your desk simply raking your mind for ideas, for anything that would give you even a smidge of inspiration.
77 is rather sparse. It’s only really you and Mr. Park actually working in there, with the occasional Seokmin running in and out to tend to everyone’s miniscule needs.
And then there’s Jihoon, who is the only other person who actually works at his desk, even if it’s only for an hour a day. Jihoon is slightly brooding and always has his nose buried in some work, but he seems standoff-ish to just about everyone. He isn’t unkind though, just … just reserved, and you feel thankful that there’s another person somewhat like you here.
77 is kind to you and your heart. Everyone works on their own schedule and is in their own head, and no one seems to treat you extraordinarily different. You wish the same would go for the rest of the castle.
On the second day of your work, the embroidered name on the fabric over your right breast was clear enough for people to start learning who you were and recognize your face.
But you’re used to the stares—both the subtle and obvious ones—and you are used to the whispers, the guessing games about whether or not you’re a slut just like your mother was.
You’re not, by the way, but you’ve had enough experience with these kinds of people to know that they can guess all they want but you know the answer, and the truth will come to light at some point. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone, they'll figure it out on their own. Eventually.
By the second week, you figured out a plan and needed to get to work on executing it. Seokmin seemed to be pleased when you asked him for help on that.
“I need people who can build a pathway,” was all you needed to tell him and then he was on the phone, and then the next day you had ten men ready for you by the dirt field ready to work. “I want stone tiles and it needs to curve exactly like this,” you told them, showing them a scaled down map of the area with a long, curvy line running from the North to South ends, and another even more curvy one running from the East to West end.
They didn’t ask questions, which you’re grateful for, because coming up with it was a whole feat on its own. Explaining it would be a whole other story.
As you walk up to the castle’s entrance today, you catch sight of a girl who sits in her little hut in front of the East gate. She’s the same girl who helped you on the first day, you realize. She was kind then, you remember, but now as you meet her gaze, she turns away and pretends to go back to her phone.
You don’t frown or let the gesture sear your heart because in all honesty, that’s exactly what you’re expecting. Sighing, you make your way to the smaller gate and walk the small way up to the actual castle grounds before heading straight to 77.
Jihoon is sitting at his desk but is just about to get up, sending you a quick nod as he stacks his files and walks out of the room. Mr. Park isn’t here, for once, although you did overhear some information about a ball happening tonight so you figure he must be busy.
You’re thankful Seokmin is here, and you catch him watering one of the plants. “Hey, what are you doing?” you ask him hastily, walking up behind his back before grabbing the watering pot from his hands.
“Um … watering … the plants?”
“These are yarrows,” you emphasize, pointing at the white flowers he was just watering.
“Okay … I am really not sure what to do with that information,” Seokmin says slowly as if he isn’t quite processing your words.
Huffing, you tell him, “Yarrows don’t need a lot of water. You aren’t watering them … I think a better word would be drowning.”
“Oh,” Seokmin mutters, looking down at that pot that’s now rich with soaked soil. “Sorry, I, uh, didn’t know,” he apologizes, and you purse your lips together because he does sound sincere.
“It’s okay … sorry for being mean about it,” you add quietly, returning the pot to his hand. “I can send you a list later—of all the plants here and how much water they need.”
Seokmin’s ears perk up. “Really? Thank you, but you seriously don’t have to, you know.”
“I know, but I enjoy talking about plants and stuff. And I’d rather the ones in this room be taken care of nicely, so the least I can do is help you,” you offer before retreating to your desk. “I think I need your help by the way, so can you come with me?” you ask, pulling out a measuring tape from a drawer.
Seokmin nods, dropping the watering bucket by his own desk and following behind you as you leave the room. The journey from the Advisory Quart to your courtyard, which is located near Royal Residence Quart, is quite the walk, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t a little bit pleased that you had someone like Seokmin as company.
“How’s the project turning out?” he asks as you make your way down the long hallways. You catch a few other workers spare the two of you glances and you try to hold your head up and look forward when you respond.
“I’m a little behind,” you admit. “But the construction manager told me that they should be finished with the pathway today, and I asked them to start tilling some other parts of the field so I can get some flora in there soon.”
“Oh really That’s nice—I stopped by the place just the other day and the pathway was looking pretty cool—the color fit in really well.”
“Hm, that’s good … I was worried about that,” you murmur to yourself thoughtfully, pulling out your phone so you can glance at the list of things you need to get done before heading back to 77. Tucking the device back into a crevice of your robe, you smile as you near the East end courtyard entrance. “I gotta get a plaque up here or something,” you remind yourself, looking at the empty space above the entrance.
“You want me to get on that soon?” Seokmin offers and you shrug.
“I guess. I’ll still have to come up with a name for this place …” you say, walking into the courtyard.
“Wow,” Seokmin mutters as he follows behind you. “The pathway looks great!” He pats your back and you throw him a small smile when you look over the two twisting paths that connect the 4 ends of the courtyard. “What was it that you needed my help with again—Oh hey! Shua!”
Oh for fuck’s sake—
“Seokminnie!” that familiar, smooth voice appears from behind you as Seokmin turns on his heel and scurries toward his friend. Slowly and carefully, you tuck your hands behind your back and bow when you turn around and are met with the sight of Prince Joshua. “Sunshine,” he greets with a smile after exchanging his casual pleasantries with his friend.
“Good morning sir,” you murmur as Seokmin bounces up and down on feet from a newfound excitement. How does he have this much energy at nine in the morning?
“I thought I said don’t call me sir,” Prince Joshua tells you, scrunching his face up when you let the word slip from your mouth. “Feels weird.”
“I’m sorry but you’re kind of the prince. I don’t think there’s anything else for me to call you other than ‘sir,’” you huff lowly before slapping a hand over your mouth. You’re not scared of what Joshua might do, per se, but the thought of someone else overhearing your snarky remark has you reminding yourself to be more careful.
Joshua only chuckles. Is there anything that bothers him? “You’re funny,” he comments. “You can call me Joshua, like Minne over here,” he tells you, patting Seokmin’s shoulder affectionately.
Your face sours and you shake your head, “I’m sorry that doesn’t feel right.”
Joshua rolls his eyes playfully, choosing to ignore what you said and instead looks around the courtyard. “Nice pathway. It’s cool that it isn’t straight—is it supposed to be something?”
“Sort of,” you say, turning around to look at the stone on the ground. “It’s confusing.”
Joshua scoffs. “Try me.”
You furrow your eyebrows. Why Prince Joshua—or as he would like you to call him, just Joshua—is so curious about a random courtyard is beyond you. “They’re just lines that follow the movement of sunlight. I guess. I don’t really know how to explain it.”
“That’s cool,” Seokmin chimes in when he sees you pulling out a roll of measuring tape. “Oh yeah, sorry, I didn’t get to hear what you said you needed help with.”
“Oh yeah, I just want to measure a—”
“Sorry for interrupting,” Joshua says, and you frown when he pulls out a buzzing phone, holding it up to Seokmin’s face. “What did you do this time—why is Mr. Park calling me?”
Seokmin’s eyes widen in panic as you watch the scene unfold. “What?! I haven’t done anything wrong recently. Well I don’t think I did and I’m pretty sure—”
He’s cut off by Joshua pressing his finger over his lip, effectively shutting him up. You almost laugh at the way Seokmin complies so quickly, but hold it back as Joshua holds the phone up to his ear. The sounds that come from the call are muffled but you can vaguely make out the voice of your boss before Joshua sighs and ends the call.
“What are yarrows and what did you do to them?” he asks his friend, and this time you actually do stifle out a giggle. Joshua glances at you as you quickly press your lips back into a fine line, both of you turning your attention back to Seokmin whose ears are turning bright red, shoulders tensing up.
“Oh no—I really don’t want another scolding!” he whines.
“Well buckle up, because he’s asking for you back at 77 right now,” Joshua shrugs as Seokmin huffs, stomping off back into the corridor and presumably back toward the Advisory Quart. “Sorry,” he says, turning to you, “I keep sending your assistant away when you need him.”
“It’s fine,” you say gruffly. “I, uh, I can still do this all by my stuff so it’s not really a big deal.”
Joshua narrows his eyes. “Are you sure? I don’t have fencing for another …” He glances down at his star studded wrist watch for a second, “… thirty minutes so I can help out.”
To say you’re mortified by the offer is an understatement. A prince helping out you? He must be fucking with you because—
“Stop giving me weird looks. I know how to help out around here, you know?”
“Duly noted, but I’m not sure how it would look on my end if the prince was helping me out with—” you gesture to the field around you, “—yard work.”
Joshua laughs, and once again you’re left in perplexity. “Weren’t you the one who reminded me that this is the 21st century? I don’t just sit around and do nothing, you know that right?”
“But still,” you mumble.
“Okay fine. If you’re so obsessed with this royal hierarchy thing, then I, as Prince Joshua, am officially requesting you to let me help. Surely you won’t turn that down.”
This man is so weird.
“Fine,” you relent, holding up the measuring tape. “You see that little circle in the middle where the pathways sort of curve around? I need to measure the circumference of it.”
“That’s it?” Joshua asks casually, grabbing one end of the measuring tape as you make your way to the plot. “Oh, I mean I guess it’s kinda big,” he adds, glancing down at the measuring tape. This one only goes up to 15 feet.”
“You’re right,” you mutter to yourself. “Okay here, let’s just use this,” you say, pulling out a roll of thin string and handing one end to Joshua. “If you stand here I’ll just circle it around and measure the length of the string,” you explain, unraveling the roll and walking around the outer edge of the circle, trailing the string behind you.
Joshua just stands in the spot that you placed him, holding the string and frowning. “I feel like I’m not helping much.”
“Trust me,” you reply under your breath. “You’re helping me just enough.” You don’t mean it to come out bitter, but it does anyways.
“What happened to all the royal hierarchy stuff that you were on about?”
Your eyes harden on him as you’ve made it halfway around the length of the circle, pausing to make sure he notices your subtle glare. “If you didn’t know, this is kind of my job on the line, and while you’ve made it clear that what I say doesn’t affect you, I’m not sure the same could be said for what other people see. So I’m sorry if I don’t want people looking at us and getting the wrong idea.”
“What do you mean the wrong idea?”
Huh. And here you thought that with all those royal tutors, the prince would be smart. Too bad for Joshua, but right now, he’s coming off as just about the densest guy alive.
You’ve been working at the castle for five weeks now. Since your last meeting with Joshua (he insists you get rid of the ‘Prince’ and ‘sir’ so diligently now that even in your head, you’ve removed him of those honorifics), you’ve only seen him twice.
The first was three days after he helped you measure the length of your soon to be pond. You were on the phone with a construction contractor in 77 when Joshua popped in to say ‘hi’ to Seokmin (how and why the two are friends, you don’t know, and you don’t care enough to ask). Noticing you were here past the regular working hour of six, he waited for a few moments to let you finish up your call before walking up to your desk.
“You know you don’t get paid overtime, right Sunshine?” he asks, confused on why exactly you were still here.
“Well work needs to get done,” you sigh heavily, taking a few seconds to clean up your desk and throw away a few old designs you sketched earlier.
“Hey, those looked cool, why’d you trash them?”
“They didn’t work,” you tell him, rummaging through more papers to find the few that you actually wanted to keep.
“Told you,” Seokmin comes up from behind Joshua, patting his shoulder. “She’s a tough judge—even on herself.”
“I get what you mean now,” Joshua murmurs, nodding along with his friend.
Your eyes snap up. “Why are you talking about me as if I’m not here—wait, why do you guys talk about me when I’m not here anyways?”
“You’re like the only one that’s nice to me in 77! Well, sort of,” Seokmin reasons with you.
“I mean you do kind of suck as an intern—”
“Hey! I just happened to get distracted a lot. I’m an honest worker, trust!”
You huff, finally finding the paper that you were looking for. It’s a design for a couple plaques that you want posted above the entrances, and you tuck it into a folder.
“Is that in Latin?” Joshua piques when he catches a glimpse of the wording.
“Uh, yeah—you know Latin?”
“He’s a prince. Of course he does,” Seokmin tells you, turning around to nudge his friend on the side. “This spoiled brat has been learning Latin since he was six!”
Joshua scoffs. “Who’re you calling a spoiled brat? You were in those classes with me too!”
You consider wondering about who exactly Seokmin is and why he was in those classes with a prince, why he’s so close with Joshua, and a plethora of questions run through your mind, before you remind yourself that you really don’t care.
“Yeah but—” Seokmin tries to reason with his friend before you stand up and both of their attention are directed at you.
“You’re right Pri—Joshua. I don’t get paid overtime, so I’m gonna get going now.” You bow at him and then Seokmin, grabbing your folder and bag before pushing in your chair and heading to the exit. Awkwardly, the two boys say bye to you before glancing at each other.
“That was weird,” Seokmin says, and Joshua shrugs.
“I guess.”
“Did you actually understand what she wrote or were you just bluffing? I don’t remember shit from those Latin lessons.”
Joshua rolls his eyes and nods. “Yeah, but I only got the second word. Said ‘invictus,’ I think.”
“Huh, cool. Got no clue what that means.”
“It means undefeatable, dipshit,” Joshua groans. “Seriously, how’d you pass that class!”
“Hey, I was a great student—I just have, uh, bad memory,” Seokmin pouts.
“Yeah I can tell … seriously, how did you manage to fuck up the yarrows even after she,” Joshua gestures behind him as if to point at where you exited just a few moments earlier, “sent you all those instructions and all!”
“God, don’t remind me. I actually feel really bad, ‘cause Mr. Park yelled at her too for giving me ‘the wrong instructions,’ but I really just forgot what she told me.” Cringing at the mental image of both you and Seokmin being scolded by Mr. Park, Joshua shakes his head—that is not a pretty scene.
Joshua sighs, the two of them making their way out of the empty 77 and walking down the corridor towards the Royal Residence Quart. “Why’re you even interning for him? You don’t need a job, especially not as one being an assistant.”
“My dad’s pissed at me, remember?” Seokmin tells his friend gruffly, and Joshua purses his lips at the mention of the older man.
“Right.”
“Wanted to punish me for the summer or whatever, but I guess it’s not too bad. The staff are actually pretty funny, and your Sunshine girl is really bossy so she gives me a lot of work to do.”
“I can’t tell if you’re complaining or celebrating.”
“Both, I think,” Seokmin replies, the two of them laughing together. “Why do you talk to her so much? She’s even snappier to you than to me, and trust me, I can be pretty damn annoying.”
“Like I don’t know that,” Joshua mutters teasingly, earning him a punch on the arm. “But anyways, she seems interesting. Like cool, you know what I mean.”
“I guess,” Seokmin says absentmindedly. “Wonder what my dad would say about that.”
“Okay well your dad isn’t the King so I don’t really think it matters what your dad says about it.”
Seokmin raises a brow. “You sure? My dad almost had me transferred out of 77 because he heard I had to work with her.”
“Well that’s his own problem I guess. Just don’t let him bring it up with my dad because I’m not keen on having any more drama in this castle,” Joshua mumbles, stopping in front of the big door that leads to the residence.
Seokmin nods at one of the guards standing by the door, and she presses a code to a small box on the wall and the doors open. “You coming? Dinner’s about to be served,” he calls to Joshua when he walks forward but realizes his friend isn’t by his side.
Smiling, Joshua shakes his head and waves Seokmin off. “I’m gonna take a breather for a bit. Tell them to start dinner without me.”
Seokmin laughs. “You know they won’t do that.”
“I know, I know, but it’s the gesture that counts anyways. I’ll be back in twenty, trust.”
The second time you saw Joshua was yesterday evening just as you were just leaving 77 to head home, your arms full of papers to look through in the night. After getting the pathways cleaned up, you needed to work on adding more structures to the courtyard, but were at a loss of what to make and what to make it with.
With your stack of papers that were littered with different possible materials and architectural structures that you promised yourself to get through by the end of the night, even if it meant pulling a whole damn all nighter.
“Is Sunshine leaving at a normal time for once?” Joshua asks with a faux gasp as he comes across you in the hallway.
With the paper’s digging into your arms, you can only manage to grunt out a short, “Thankfully, I am,” before increasing your pace so you can get all this stuff to your car as quickly as possible.
“Hey, wait!” Joshua calls out from behind you, and you almost whine because your arms are killing you and you aren’t sure how much more of this you can handle. “Do you need help? I can—”
He’s cut off by the sound of your phone slipping from your pocket and crashing to the ground. “Shit,” you whimper under your breath as you try to balance all the papers on one hand while crouching down to pick up your phone with the other. You’re wobbling under all the weight, and you have half a mind to give up right here and now but then a larger hand is pushing itself into your vision.
“Here,” he says, quickly turning over the device to check for any cracks on the scene. In that fraction of a moment, your phone turns on and flashes your very bright and very embarrassing lock screen. Your face burns as you snatch the phone from his hands and tuck it back into your pocket. “Is that Percy Jackson?”
Adjusting the papers in your hand, you shuffle your feet and start walking toward the exit. Joshua follows, as expected. “Uh, yeah—I know it’s embarrassing but—”
“Uh, you did not just say that,” Joshua scoffs, and when you catch the oddly offended look on his face, your annoyance dissipates for a moment. “Percy Jackson is not embarrassing. Those books were like the defining character of my pre-teens.”
You chew on your lip, wondering how you should respond to this. “That’s cool. I used to like the stories too …”
“Seems like you still do, considering it’s like, your lock screen and all.”
“Look, I just have it ‘cause it looks cool,” you tell him bashfully, speeding up the pace of your steps in hopes that it’ll bring this conversation to end faster.
“Uh yeah, sure. Totally believe you.”
“I’m serious,” you huff. “I liked the books ages ago, but now I’m only interested in Greek mythology. It just so happens that the best art of Greek gods comes from Percy Jackson fan artists.”
“Sure. sure,” Joshua says blankly with a smirk teasing at his lips. “Again, totally believe you.” You don’t know why his subtle teasing has you gripping onto your papers so tightly, why it has you gritting your teeth together. And then you remember who this is and it all makes sense.
Joshua is playful and lighthearted, but he is still the Prince, after all.
Your sixth week at the castle, and you’re nearing the halfway mark for your project’s timeline. You’ve spent the past week working on getting some stone benches built into the courtyard, and just this morning you sent in an order to get some plaques engraved.
Mr. Park stopped by when you were checking out your progress earlier, glancing at the pathways and the nearly completed seating. He didn’t say anything, simply nodding and walking along, and you figure that that’s the best you’ll get from him.
Your day goes by fine, for the most part after that. When you take your lunch break at the cafeteria, Seokmin tags along and you’re pleased that for once, you won’t have to eat alone. He has to leave soon after though—apparently Jihoon called for his help, and so you’re left to take care of this afternoon’s work by yourself.
Not that you mind—people let you be in the castle, and it’s actually quite nice for getting work done. When you return to 77, it’s only occupied by Mr. Park who, as always, pays no mind to you. Taking a look at your schedule, you aren’t sure if you feel like smiling or frowning when you see your next activity lined up.
Visiting the greenhouse.
There’s an odd feeling that blooms in your stomach as you walk there. You haven’t been to this side of this castle yet, partly because you don’t need to, but mostly because you don’t want to.
It’s when you leave the walls and take your way out to the Northeastern gardens of the palace that the pathways start ringing bells in your head. The familiar green bushes that you remember your mother tending to. The fields of daffodils, and the little built in canals that lead toward the row of greenhouses—it’s all flooding back to you, and you can’t figure out if you like it or not.
When you first came to the castle, you figured that you could avoid confronting the remnants of your past, but you should’ve known that everything eventually goes full circle.
Which is how you find yourself standing in front of the greenhouse where everything—your life, your mother’s life, all of it—ended on that day over ten long years ago.
Taking a deep breath, you go up to the door of the largest greenhouse ,tentatively tapping on the blurry glass before pushing it open. Peeking inside, you’re met with the familiar sight of flora arranged in neat lines of soil beds.
As you step in, the air is moist and stuffy—when you inhale, you’re reminded of those early Saturday mornings where you sat by your mother’s desk and watched her tend to the plants. The humidity was usually uncomfortable, but you learned to love it. Right now, you learn how much you missed it.
“Can I help you?” a gruff voice interrupts your thoughts, and you whip your head around to find an elderly woman glaring up at you.
“Hi, I called earlier and you said I could take some of the hyacinths. I just wanted to ask which greenhouse they’d be in because—”
“31C,” she says bluntly, immediately turning back around to tend to whatever she was doing earlier.
You watch her for a few seconds blankly, before snapping out of your haze, “O-okay, thank you.” Pursing your lips, you let your head hang low as you start walking toward the door.
“That damned slut,” the woman mutters quietly. You don’t think you want to hear it, but you continue to listen anyway. “Thinks she can just send her daughter over and—”
“And?”
You don’t think you’ve ever been more happy to hear Joshua’s voice.
Looking up, he’s just entered through the entrance you were about to exit through, and while you would usually mull over the possible reasons he would be here, you’re far more focused on watching the bewildered look on this woman’s face
“Nothing sir!” she replies quickly, back straightened as she presses her hands behind her back.
“Good to hear,” he says simply. You watch from the side as Joshua gives her a look that you can’t really gauge before turning to you with a brighter look on his face. “Seokmin told me I would find you here?”
“I—yeah, he was right.”
“Well I can see that Sunshine,” Joshua chuckles and waves your hand in a gesture to follow him. You don’t have any other choice than to follow him out the greenhouse and into the much freer, lighter air. “What’re you doing here anyways?” he asks when you start finding your way to 31C.
“I need to look at some flowers.” Joshua asks you quite a bit about the courtyard, and although you don’t really get it, you’ve learned that it’s easier to just reply to his questions honestly than try to avoid them.
“For the courtyard?” he piques as you finally find the smaller greenhouse, opening the door to thankfully find it empty of anyone else.
Your gaze lands on a bed of hyacinths as you reply, “What else?”
“Okay, you need to stop answering all of my questions like I’m stupid.”
Huffing, you pull up a pot from under the bed and fill it up with soil before digging your hands into the dirt around one of the hyacinth plants. Your fingers search under the earth before feeling against the roots and carefully pulling out the plant.
“Maybe stop asking stupid questions then,” you suggest.
“Seeing as you think I’m dumb … do you want to tutor me?”
“What?” you deadpan, looking up at him with your hands still in the dirt. “Why?”
“I mean like, you’re smart and all, plus we get along—”
You click your tongue, finally pulling the plant out of the soil and pressing it into the pot. “Not so sure about that second part.”
“Okay well we have some shared interests and stuff—”
“Like?” you counter, walking over to a sink so you can wash the excess soil off.
“Percy Jackson. Greek mythology?”
Your ears perk up at that. “You like Greek mythology?”
“Yes! See! That’s like, already two common interests, Sunshine.”
“More like only two. And one of them is a book series I haven’t read in about nine years so I’m not even sure it counts,” you rebut.
“Oh no, it definitely counts,” Joshua counters, watching you pick up the flower pot and head towards the greenhouse exit. “Wait, we’re diverting from the point here.”
“What is the point again?”
“You need to tutor me!” he whines as he follows behind you, up the pathway back to the castle.
“I need to? Uh, sorry, but I don’t think tutoring the Prince is under my job description.”
“This is a different job though!”
You knit your eyebrows together. “Am I getting paid?”
“You might,” Joshua smirks. “I’ll pay you by the hour.”
Pondering, you chew on the inside of your cheek, before you finally respond, “How much are we talking?”
Joshua grins, shaking his head. “Should’ve known money was the way to your heart Sunshine.”
“Money is not the way to my heart. It’s just the way to get me to tutor you. Don’t mix those two up.”
“Don’t worry Sunshine, I wish you all the best in finding your sugar daddy husband eventually.”
Glaring, you chastise him. “Joshua!”
“Why did you ask me to do this again?” you ask, stepping into the room Joshua has just led you to. It’s near the Royal Residence Quart of the castle, and you’re a bit on edge. Joshua assured you earlier that no one would question why you of all people would be here with him, but you’ve also noticed that the boy can be a bit distant from reality.
“Because,” Joshua starts, watching you look around the room (it is a very nice room; bookshelves line the walls and there’s a grand desk in the middle, a rolling chalkboard on one end and a vintage map on another rolling board scattered off to another end). “I don’t like the royal tutor they have, and you’re smart,” he says casually.
“You can’t ask for another one?” you murmur, raising a brow as he moves to the desk and hands you a folder.
“I could, but my mother would get upset if I keep running through them. I’ve changed my tutors far too many times by now.”
“Ah,” you say dryly. “The extreme difficulties of the royalty. How unfortunate.”
“Sunshine,” Joshua grins, ignoring your snarky comment. “Can you at least pretend you want to be here?”
“Um, I’ll think about it,” you reply honestly, pursing your lips together as you glance at his chalkboard which has a list of things he needs to go over. “What is it that you need help on?”
“Well I’m good at math and stuff but Literature and Chemistry are quite literally killing me,” Joshua says with a sigh, sitting down at his desk.
“Literature?” you ask with narrowed eyes. “You’re the Prince—isn’t Literature supposed to be like, I don’t know, your forte?”
“Who told you that?” Joshua asks with a pout, pulling up a packet of papers and letting it down on his desk with a thud.
“I don’t know, I guess I just assumed they’d be having you read Machiavelli or something like that from the age of two.”
Joshua scoffs, holding up the book so you can read out the title. Oh, it’s The Waste Land. “Okay I get that this is a kingdom and all but seriously, who even uses Machiavellianism anymore? That’s from like six hundred years ago.”
“Less than that,” you correct, but shrug anyways and sit down at the chair on the other side of his desk. “But whatever, you need help with The Waste Land?”
“I mean, yeah I’ve read it a bunch but I just never get it and my mom is obsessed with it for some reason and I really don’t want her to make me sit through another read of it so I really need to write up something good on it that will satisfy my Literature instructor and my mom so I can get it out of the way.”
“A paper?”
“Yeah, you know: analyzing themes and stuff.”
“Okay I know what a paper is,” you snap and Joshua rolls his eyes.
“Look now you’re just picking fights over everything I say. Just relax and—”
“I am relaxed,” you huff, but the tension in your shoulders says otherwise. To be honest, you’re still not sure why Joshua decided to choose you of all people, as if you haven’t made it clear multiple times that you weren’t his biggest fan.
You can respect the effort, you guess, but the way he seems so unbothered by your snarkiness is getting a little bit irritating.
“Whatever you say Sunshine,” Joshua says with a shrug, turning the packet and handing it to you. The poem is littered with annotations, underlines, and highlighter marks all over, and you squint for a moment trying to remind yourself of what you remember from the last time you looked at the work. “You read it before? The Waste Land?”
“Uh, yeah, ages ago though. Like back in high school,” murmur, flipping through the pages to jog your memory.
“Why were you reading The Waste Land in high school? Seems like too much, no?”
“Well not everyone was granted the freedom to do as they please with whoever they please,” you tell him, eyes flickering between Joshua’s curious face and the packet in front of you.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Joshua asks, and his voice is slightly whiny.
“It means that people didn’t want to talk to me so I had to spend my time reading. Even if it was ‘too much,’ or whatever you said.”
“Oh,” Joshua’s voice is quiet. See, you remind yourself, clouded from reality is what Joshua is. “Well I—”
“Forget it. I think I’m going to have to go home and reread The Waste Land if you want me to be of any help. What else do you have to work on, or do you just want to do Chemistry?”
“Uh, sure we can move onto Chemistry,” Joshua replies hastily, tucking the paper back into his folder haphazardly before shoving it into a drawer and pulling out a much thicker notebook. “I kinda need help with a lot of it. Like—I’m sorry I just don’t get it—what the hell is an electrophile and a nucleophiles and why the hell I need to know them for alkanes and—”
“Slow down,” you say, sticking your hand out. You grab the notebook from his desk and skip over the contents before looking back up. “If you want me to do this for you, we’re going to have to start from the basics, okay?”
Joshua gives you a look which tells you he doesn’t think he needs to do that, but you open the notebook to a new page, pulling out a pen. Begrudgingly, he nods and leans his head in to see what you’re writing.
He’s oddly compliant when you ask him to be, despite his jumpy and bubbly personality, and for a fraction of a second, you wonder about his potential. Quickly, you push that thought out of your mind.
It’s late afternoon when you reach the courtyard, smiling at the progress. You told the workers to get started on digging up the pond this morning, and you’re pleased to see that there’s already a large dugout in the century.
“Good work!” you chirp to Jungho, the contractor you talked to over the phone. He seemed nice enough over the phone, but you soon realized within the first time that you two met in person that he was just as standoff-ish as the rest. “But we’re going to need to get the insides patted down and compressed so when we put the water in, the soil won’t just soak it up,” you try to tell him casually.
Jungho points his thumb behind him at some of his men. “Yeah we have a guy for that,” he says gruffly, not even meeting your gaze.
“Thanks … maybe have it finished within a week?”
“Okay. Anything else?” Jungho looks around awkwardly, before adding. “Want us to get the water in there too? Then we can get outta … outta your hair and stuff and don’t have to keep coming back.”
“Uh, no—there’s some lining I want to do with the pond, and I’ve got to do that before there’s water in it. But it’s something I want to do myself, so you can just take care of compressing the soil and I’ll take it from there.”
Jungho gives you a weird look but you brush it off. “Alright. We’ll have it finished by tomorrow,” he finalizes, and with that he turns on his heels and walks back to his workers who you can tell were watching him from the corner of their vision.
“Why are those guys looking at you like that?”
You whip your head around, seeing Joshua standing just a few meters away from you on the pathway coming in from the East entrance. He glances around and finds a marble bench that’s just been made, sitting on the edge casually.
“Joshua, you’ve seen people look at me like that before and I think you know exactly why,” you mutter, walking over to where he sits. Joshua doesn’t respond and instead averts his gaze to the ground.
There’s a stray kitten bouncing around at his feet, and he’s quick to drop to his knees on the pathway and engulf her in his large hands. It would be an endearing sight, you think. Sorta, you guess.
“Whatever. You’re still coming in on Sunday right? My instructor prepared this stupid Chemistry exam for me on Tuesdays and I know you can’t help out on Mondays so I kind of really need you to help me on Sunday so I can prep. So please, please, please—”
“You know I’m gonna come in, so you don’t have to pester me so much about it,” you say with a sigh, putting your folder down and crouching on the ground so you can pet the kitten. She’s cute, with wide slanted eyes and soft brown fur, the wet kitten licks feeling warm against your palm.
“But you put up with it, don’t you?” You roll your eyes but Joshua still grins when you don’t disagree.
“I don’t understand you,” you mutter, truthfully speaking your mind as the kitten rolls around in Joshua’s lap. You smile without thinking, and Joshua carefully watches your usually taut face unravel in front of him.
“Are you kidding me? I’m literally an open book. You know Sunshine, you can find my whole life on Wikipedia.”
You giggle. You fucking giggle at that, and it’s hard to tell who is more surprised between the two of you. “You know that’s not what I meant,” you murmur, struggling to hold back another laugh, the kitten jumping out of his lap to play around on the ground under the gentle hands of you and Joshua.
“Not that I would know. You think I’m stupid anyways.”
“What? No I don’t.”
“Oh my god, please don’t even try to counter that. When I told you I didn’t know why helium was named helium, you looked at me like I was the dumbest person to ever live.”
“Okay that’s only because you say you like Greek mythology! How could you not put that together—it’s so obvious! Helium and Helios sound totally alike, and everyone knows helium is like, one of the most abundant elements in the sun.”
“Maybe you know that. You’re also insanely smart,” Joshua counters.
“Whatever you say. But for the record, I don’t think you’re stupid. Maybe a little dense, but that’s it.”
Joshua pouts. “Aren’t those basically the same thing?” You know he’s only being playful, but something about the way he says it makes you think twice. He’s being sweet. So sweet, it feels almost bitter.
“No. You have a smart head, Joshua. Honest. I think you just gotta learn how to use it,” you tell him, more softly this time.
“Thanks Sunshine,” he replies gruffly and you frown, realizing that your attempts to make him feel better haven’t quite worked.
“I’m serious. What? You don’t think I’m serious?” Joshua shakes his head, and you roll your eyes when you pick up the kitten yourself and pull her into your lap.
“You’re mean. So no, I don’t think you’re being serious.”
You gasp, using the hand that isn’t playing with the kitten to place it over your chest dramatically. “I am not mean. I’m just honest. I’m being honest right now.”
“Whatever,” Joshua quips, turning his nose and looking away pettily.
“Okay, are you actually upset?” you groan, cradling the kitten up to your chest. You aren’t sure if you’re more annoyed because you can’t tell if Joshua is upset, or because you might be the reason he’s upset.
“Who knows. Not that you would care.”
“I obviously care, because I’m asking,” you deadpan, letting the kitten roll around in your arms, letting out a squeak of surprise when one of its claws gets caught in the belt of your robe, making a tear in the silk.
Joshua gives you a funny look when he says, “You can be quite pestering when you want to.”
“Congratulations! You now know how I feel.”
“See what I mean! You’re mean. I want the kitten back.”
You clutch the little close to your chest and nuzzle your face into her neck. “No can do. I’m afraid she’s mine until you admit you know I don’t think you’re stupid.”
“Oh my god, is this how it feels when I annoy you?” Joshua grumbles, throwing his head back. “Remind me to never pester you again. Ever.”
“Self awareness is great and all, but like I said, you’re not getting her until you admit it.”
“Fine. I don’t think you think I’m stupid. Happy?”
You hum and shake your head. “Mm, no. Gotta sound more convincing.”
Joshua knits his eyebrows together. “If you’re so insistent on this, then I guess it must be true. I don’t think you think I’m stupid,” he repeats, but his tone is gentler this time.
“Good work.”
Joshua stands tall on a hill. His broad shoulders are sharp with his straightened back and taught jaw. The sky is orange and you watch him from below, the clouds moving slowly above his head in the background.
He’s looking out at something, but you can’t quite tell what. It’s off in the distance, but his eyes are dilated and unwavering for a few long moments.
Wind whistles in your ear, and then the sky grows brighter and brighter until it’s no longer orange and suddenly turning yellow and then white. So white that it hinders your vision and you’re wincing through the light until you realize Joshua is not on the hill anymore.
You look around frantically to no avail—you can’t see anything but white with black spots in your vision and you feel like you’re going blind. And you want to scream but when you open your mouth no sound comes and the blowing of wind grows louder and louder until it sounds like you’re at the beach.
Looking around, you see your legs knee deep in ocean water and you’re no longer hearing the rampage of wind and instead the crashing of waves against rocks. There isn’t a hill anymore, there’s a cliff, but still no sight of Joshua.
It’s still so bright, so bright and you close your eyes tightly again until you feel a shade fall over your figure. A gasp escapes your lips when you see what’s above you.
Wide wings, ornate with white and golden feathers, perched over Joshua’s back as he hovers above you. He’s not looking anywhere else now, only you.
His face glows and then he smiles and you close your eyes one last time but when you open them again, all you see is darkness.
You’ve never been great at remembering dreams. More often than not, you wake up with no remnants of the life you lived in your head the night before, and on the rare occasions that you do happen to recall something, it’s only just random snippets that also hardly make sense.
Last night was no different, although you do wake up with an uneasy feeling, not because of what you dreamed about—you don’t remember that—but because you know you dreamed about Joshua. It’s just the wake up call you need to tell yourself that maybe, just maybe, you’re spending more time with him than you should.
It’s a Saturday morning as you trudge out of bed and to the kitchen, trying to settle the weird feelings that course through your veins when you see your mother brewing a pot of tea. “How’d you sleep?” she asks, not looking up from the boiling water.
Shrugging as you grab a home-grown orange, you respond, “Well enough.”
“Can’t believe they have you going to the palace on the weekends too … I never had to work on Saturdays or Sundays.”
You wonder how she brings up her time at the castle so casually—you don’t know if you’ll ever understand her. “I really don’t have to—I can work on my own schedule basically whenever, as long as I get the courtyard finished by the end of three months.”
“And how’s that going?”
“Behind schedule. Obviously. That’s why I’m heading in again.”
Your mother smiles and walks over, ruffling your hair. “I’m glad you’re working hard on this—I can tell you’re enjoying it, as much as you didn’t want to go there.”
“It’s nice, I guess. I get to be creative, and get paid. Really, getting the money is all I care about,” you tell her casually, taking the peel off the orange and popping a piece into your mouth.
“You don’t talk about it much, but I’m assuming people don’t give you that hard of a time? You always come home fine.”
They do, it just doesn’t happen to be anything you’re not used to. Your mind flashes to Joshua and Seokmin for a moment, and you’re once again reminded of the unnerving fact that you did dream about the former, and you can’t even remember what it was about. “Things are fine.”
You’re three tutoring sessions in with Joshua, and it’s finally the day that you pull out your own copy of The Waste Land. “Oh thank god,” he says with a breath of relief when he sees it. “This paper has been bugging me forever—if we didn’t get started on it soon I might’ve combust.”
“I appreciate the vivid imagery,” you say dryly, “but I really did not need to picture that in my head.”
“Sorry,” Joshua says with a shrug as you sit across from him. “So what’re we gonna do today, Sunshine?”
“Hmm, get through the first part hopefully. We can read it back and forth and talk about it together, so you can take notes. It might be easier that way, so you can get all your thoughts and ideas out, and then it’ll be easier for you to write that paper.”
“Sounds boring.”
“I guess I’ll just pack my stuff and—”
“Okay! Okay! I was just joking. Let’s start, please,” he complies easily, and you smirk as you sit back down.
“Good to hear. Read this part.”
You’re around an hour and a half into the lesson, still working through the first part as Joshua frowns when you finish another stanza.
“Do we have to keep going?” he whines.
“Yes we do. Let’s work with this part now. Read it out for me,” you instruct, pointing out a stanza on your own paper.
“Why—” You give him a look. “—okay fine.”
‘You gave me hyacinths first a year ago;‘They called me the hyacinth girl.’—Yet when we came back, late, from the Hyacinth garden,Your arms full, and your hair wet, I could notSpeak, and my eyes failed, I was neitherLiving nor dead, and I knew nothing,Looking into the heart of light, the silence.Oed’ und leer das Meer.
When he’s done, Joshua looks up at you blankly. “If I’m being honest, I have zero clue what this means.”
You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. “You’ve said that every time you read a new section, but I know that’s not true, because you literally always come up with something.”
Joshua scrunches up his face and slaps his hands to his cheeks in frustration. “But now I’m being serious! This is making no sense to me—I hate Literature, okay? My brain is dead right now and I don’t think I can do any more Sunshine.”
“We’ve been doing this for less than two hours,” you say bluntly. “Look—you said you like Greek mythology right? Try and draw some connections. Maybe that’ll make this more enjoyable.”
“I hardly think T.S. Elliot could produce anything I enjoy,” Joshua huffs as he tilts the page so he can read it better, “But fine. I still don’t get what about this has anything to do with mytho—oh!”
“Finally! You get it?”
“Hyacinthus!” You nod eagerly, gesturing your hands to tell him to go on. “Uh, it was that story with Apollo. Shit, what was the story again?” He looks up and taps at his chin, but when you open your mouth to help him out, Joshua sticks a hand in front of your face and shakes his head. “No wait, I remember. The one where they were in love but Apollo accidentally killed him when they were playing a game!”
“You’re right. The blood of Hyacinthus was eventually turned into flowers by Apollo to honor his death or something like that. In the context of this poem … the giver of the hyacinth flower is almost like a sign of—”
Joshua snaps his fingers in the air and grins. “Forgiveness!”
“Well, not exactly giving forgiveness, but asking for it.”
“Kind of like … saying you’re sorry?” Joshua smiles brighter when you nod. “Holy shit, maybe I do enjoy T.S. Elliot.”
You roll your eyes and point at his notebook and pen. “Good, now write that down. You are going to have to write about this, remember?”
Joshua pouts, but picks up the pen nevertheless. “Whatever you say Sunshine.”
“Joshua told me to tell you that he thinks T.S. Elliot sucks,” Seokmin says, coming up to you in the cafeteria as you polish off your own tray. It’s a large and grand area—an old ballroom that turned into a commonplace for the workers.
Large mirrors plate the walls, and across from you, you can watch Seokmin’s reflection as he sits down next to you. Rolling your eyes, you turn to look at him, “He’s only saying that because I told him to write the paper himself.”
Seokmin furrows his eyebrows as he places a white box, a little larger than the size of your hand, on the table. Glancing around, you catch people in the mirror watching you with wavering gazes before turning away when they find you looking at them.
Huff lightly, you turn your attention back to Seokmin. “What’s this?”
“Joshua told me to give it to you.”
That’s new. Tentatively, you lift the lid a little to peek inside, only finding a haphazard mess of stuffing paper with something purple concealed underneath. “Would it be a smart decision to open it right now?”
“Oh my gosh, it’s not an explosive or anything.”
“You don’t know that!”
Seokmin rolls his eyes himself this time. “Yes I do. I packed it.”
“Ugh, even worse. I’m not opening it if you’re around. That’s embarrassing.”
“Is not! I think that you should—” Seokmin is cut off by the sound of his own phone ringing, cursing under his breath when he sees the caller ID. For a moment, you consider peering over and taking a look, but Seokmin stands up too quickly. “I gotta go for a second. I’ll catch you before you leave!” he calls out when he’s already pushing his chair in and rushing off into the distance.
You laugh at his hurry, wondering what could possibly ensue such nervousness from the boy, but you quickly remind yourself that this is Seokmin and he gets the jitters when he even has to think about being around Mr. Park for more than twenty minutes.
Soon, you start to clean up your area yourself, putting your trays away and throwing away your trash in the weirdly fancy bins they have scattered around the hall. As your lunch break nears its end, you grab the oddly light box, your phone, and make your way back to 77.
The room is empty, safe for Jihoon who’s got his head buried in his laptop, and you think it’s a good time to check what’s inside. If it is an explosive, you’ll just have to apologize to Jihoon in the afterlife.
Opening the lid, those same, crumpled papers lay on top, but this time you notice a little white card in the middle. Pursing your lips, your eyes flicker to your side to see if Jihoon’s watching (he never is, but it doesn’t hurt to check), and when your privacy is confirmed, you flip the paper over.
There’s a message written in purple pen, adorning a handwriting that you can distinctly recognize as Joshua’s.
Thank you for all the help. I really owe you one.
You aren’t quite sure what he’s talking about, and you make a mental note to ask him about it when you see him later. Right now, you rummage through the papers, hands feeling the space beneath them before they land on a smooth layer of fabric.
Confused, you pull it out, only to see it’s a ribbon, much like the one tied around your own waist. Same color, same material, same emblem, the only difference being …
You glance down at your own robes where the ribbon has a small tear at one end from where the kitten had pawed at you. You have to blink a few times to realize what Joshua’s intentions were, and when you do, you can’t help the warm smile that begrudgingly makes its way onto your face.
Quickly, you tug the ends of the ribbon around your waist and let it unravel, taking the new ribbon and tying it just as your mother taught you. It’s the same thing as the one before, yes, but this is different. This is a gift.
Donning Joshua’s (your?) ribbon, you start to clean up your desk space and tuck your old ribbon back into your bag. You forgot to tell Seokmin you’re tutoring Joshua this afternoon, so as you pack up you text him a sincere ‘thank you’ message, and let him know that you might not be able to see him before you go. You don’t get a response, which is slightly odd since Seokmin seems to always be on top of things, but you shrug it off and remind yourself that he’s busy.
Today, you make your way down the smaller halls with a little skip to your step. Joshua showed you this pathway earlier so it’d be easier to get to his study room without being seen; it’s a nice little series of corridors that are a little dimmer and narrower, but still hold the lavish feel you always get walking through the palace.
You can hear the voices of a few people, but it seems quiet, hushed, and somehow a little heated—in other words, caught up in their own world. Being in the castle for almost two months now, you’ve learned to realize what kind of situations need your caution and which ones don’t. This is the latter.
You smile to yourself, smoothing your palms over the new, not-torn silk ribbon around your waist, as you near the second entrance to his study, about to enter another hallway to the final stretch and—shit.
When you turn a corner, your heart stops.
You turn back and run down the corridor. You don’t know if Seokmin saw you, and quite frankly, you don’t care.
It didn’t take you more than a second to put two and two together and suddenly you’re pushed back into your nine year old body—you don’t really know what’s happening or why it’s happening, all you know is that it hurts.
You’re going to have to apologize to Joshua for flaking on him. Surely he’ll understand that you were just a little bit upset by the sight you had to see.
After all, you did just witness Seokmin, quite literally your only real friend in this damn castle, speaking to Advisor Lee, the man who tore your mother’s life down. And now is when everything starts to click, because you realize that Seokmin is Advisor Lee’s son.
Of course he was close with Joshua—he probably grew up on these very castle grounds. Of course they attended the same classes—his father was the King’s advisor and cousin.
It makes sense now, and in your bleary haze as you make your way back to 77, you’re not sure what to do. You rush past a few other staff members murmuring under their breath when they see you, and you usually wouldn’t be bothered by the sight but now you remember that this is the first time you’ve cried since you got here, and it’s all because of that man who started this all in the first place.
As you lock yourself in one of the staff bathrooms, you catch your disheveled appearance and furiously wipe at your cheeks. Fuck. You shouldn’t be crying. You can’t be crying over this, because god knows you did not spend years thickening your skin for it to be cut open like this.
You should’ve known. Should’ve fucking known.
You try to stop your tears, telling yourself that they’re all the same. That you shouldn’t have expected anything more from these people, that you should’ve picked up on how Seokmin was definitely someone important, that you should’ve never fallen for his and Joshua’s sweet games.
“Shit,” you gasp out as a sob rips from your throat, and you clutch the side of the sink as uneasiness bubbles up in your stomach and spreads through your limbs until you’re trembling.
Maybe you let him get so close because you thought he saw you for something else. Maybe you believed that he saw you as more than a pity project. More than someone who was defined by their past.
Joshua and Seokmin—they knew. They knew everything this whole damn time.
And now you’re angry—you’re so fucking angry. Tugging at your hair, ripping up your clothes, and thrashing your limbs around kind of angry. The kind of anger that poisons your bones and makes your body ache until you can’t take it anymore. The kind of anger that wraps its hand around your throat and squeezes the air out of you until you can do nothing but relent. The kind of anger that has you looking at yourself in the mirror and thinking, what the fuck.
The worst thing is you can’t even be mad at him. You want to be mad at him and you want to be mad at Joshua. You want to have the will to go up to them and slap the smiles off their faces because how dare Seokmin be the own flesh and blood of Advisor Lee, and how dare Joshua know and not have the guts to tell you.
Because after everything, Seokmin and Joshua were your friends and—fuck—they were some damn good friends. Your best friends, maybe, if you ever had the liberty to even know what that means.
And it wasn’t because they were overly nice, or excessively cheery, or because Seokim was always grinning and Joshua was always smirking, but because when they talked to you, they were talking to you, and not some shell of your past.
Finally, now, when you press your face into your hands as your last attempt to calm yourself down, you feel like you can breathe. You’re not sure where your head is at, and something tells you that it’s gonna take a damn long time to figure it out.
You’re a little lost.
You were just trying to get to the South end entrance of the courtyard but you must have taken a wrong turn or something because you’re walking down a corridor you’ve quite literally never seen before. It’s similar to the hallways of the rest of the palace, but it’s slightly taller and a bit more narrow, and the workers walking through wear faces that you aren’t familiar with. You’re a little nervous about where your feet are taking you, and you consider just turning around and retracing your steps when you hear a voice.
Seokmin’s voice is loud when he calls your name, and you press your lips together tightly when it rings in your ears. “What are you doing here? You usually don’t come down to the South e—” he starts to say when walks up to you from a corridor to your left.
“Nothing,” you reply briskly, turning on your heel so your back is pretty much facing him. “I was just leaving actually.”
“What—hey! Slow down! Where’re you going?”
“77,” you mutter under your breath as you speed up your pace.
“Slow down!”
You don’t relent. “Seokmin, don’t you have stuff to do right now instead of following me around?” You can’t see the look on his face, but you can only imagine it’s one of defeat.
“I—” his voice is quieter this time, “Okay.”
The footsteps that were one following you die out, and as you browse the corners of your vision, you conclude that he’s finally left you alone. You should feel relieved—happy that he’s not bothering you now—but sometimes uneasy churns inside of you, and you aren’t sure what it is.
The rest of your day goes as it usually does in a palace. You tend to your work and as it hits late afternoon, you start making your way to Joshua’s study. Once again, you’re not sure where your head is at.
“Is everything alright?” Joshua asks you the second you walk in. “Seokmin told me you looked upset and wouldn’t talk to him so I—”
You inhale deeply before, putting your hands up in a stopping motion. “I can’t tutor you anymore.”
Joshua looks at you weirdly. “What, why?”
“Or talk to you,” you add.
“What—”
“Just—just don’t talk to me. Or ask me to tutor you. Or ask for my help, or ask to help me—you know what just like—I dunno, stay away from me.”
“Sunshine, where is this coming from?” Joshua pinches the bridge of his nose, and you don’t think he’s understanding the weight of his words.
“Why do you even talk to me?” you snap. “Like seriously, if you can bother any worker in the castle, why does it have to be me?”
Hurt flashes in Joshua’s face for hardly a second before he frowns deeply. “I—what’s going on?”
“Do you and Seokmin think this is funny? Being nice to me like—” You throw your hands in the air. “—like I’m some kind of joke?”
“What? No, Sunshine, what are you even talking about?”
“I know who Seokmin’s dad is.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah,” you scoff. “So if Seokmin still wants to know why I don’t feel like talking to him, maybe consider telling him that I’m not interested in being around someone whose father is literally the reason me and my mom’s lives have been so fucked up.”
Joshua winces at the last statement. You’ve been irritated with him, annoyed with him, and all that petty stuff, sure, but this is different.
“Seokmin isn’t like that, okay? He isn’t—you know—like that.”
“And how would you know?” you snap. “Prince Joshua, what do you know about having people be, quote unquote, above you? You have everything in front of you, and when people look at you and Seokmin it’s not ‘cause of some fucked up scandal which pinned your mom as the kingdom’s slut of the century, it’s ‘cause they literally bow down to your presence and—”
Something tells you to stop yourself. Maybe it’s the fact that you know you’re not actually angry at them. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re so fucking tired of being angry all the time that you can’t take it anymore. Maybe it’s the fact that when you finally look him in the eye, Joshua looks sad.
“I’m sorry,” he finally says meekly. “Seokmin should—we should’ve let you know earlier. I promise we didn’t be your friend just ‘cause of that,” he rambles. “I mean obviously we knew about it but we didn’t wanna bring it up because everyone was bringing it up and—I’m sorry. You know Seokmin isn’t like that.”
“And you?” you quip, but you know your retorts hold no weight. “How do I know you aren’t like—like that.”
Joshua falters and you watch him gulp. He looks tired and his lips are red from how hard he’s been chewing on them as you speak. “Y-you know,” his voice is quiet, “You know I’m not.”
You have your answer before you even have to think about it, but you pause for a few moments, waiting to respond. All that comes out is a shallow breath as you look down and squeeze your eyes shut. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“I just—” You sigh weakly. “I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.” Joshua doesn’t respond—he knows you’re thinking.
You wonder what to do with yourself. You’re not angry. Not sad either. Uneasy? Maybe. It’s the uncertainty of it all. You don’t understand why you’re not mad, and you don’t understand why you want to forgive him so easily, but you’re starting to realize that you should stop trying to understand the things that might never make sense.
Finally, you nod. “It’s fine.”
“Sorry again. I guess we didn’t wanna make that whole thing all about you. Because like, you’re you, and whatever happened is separate.”
You purse your lips and nod. “Thank you.”
“Was that sarcasm?”
You glare at him. “Dipshit, no it wasn’t!”
“I’m taking this as a sign that you’re feeling better. Am I correct?”
You bite back a smile and shrug. “I guess.”
“Cool, ‘cause I think you’d like to know that my mom stopped by the courtyard the other day.”
“Oh yeah? What’d she say? This is all for her isn’t it—hopefully she liked it.”
“Yeah no, she said it was great. She thought the patterns of the pathway were cool and so she asked me if I could figure out why they were designed like that and I said no. By the way, why did you design them like that?”
“There’s this song I like. It’s called Isohel, and when I first heard it, I liked it a lot,” you explain. “Searched up what it means and stuff and then a few weeks later I was taking some filler class for the credits and my professor goes on some tangent about god-knows-what, and somehow he brings up pictures of an isohel map. An isohel—it’s basically a line which maps out the places that have the same duration of sunshine. Pretty cool, I think.”
“Is that what the pathways are? Are they—what is it—an isohel?”
“Mhm. On an isohel map, they’re not always just lines—they come around full circle sometimes so it looks like these funky, squiggly ovals sometimes,” you ramble. “So I took one of those circle-ish things and broke it up and pieced it together like a pathway.”
“That’s really smart.” Joshua pauses. “You’re really smart.”
It’s not the first time someone’s told you that. Fuck, it’s not even the first time Joshua’s told you that, but it feels different now. He means it, you know it in your bones.
“I-I dunno,” you stammer. “I guess. It just relates to the theme of the sun. My mom taught me about it when I was younger—I loved the sun.”
“So that’s what the theme of your courtyard is? Me and Seokmin have been betting on that for ages.”
You scoff, “You guys bet on that? Seriously, do you have nothing better to do with your time?”
“Clearly not!” he shoots back, causing you to laugh. “Are you really feeling better now?” Joshua asks sincerely, and when you smile and nod, he grins. “Hey, I just realized you talked to me about your feelings—”
“Don’t mention it,” you snap gruffly, crossing your arms over your chest.
Joshua clicks his tongue and chuckles. “There’s the Sunshine I know.”
It’s the next day when you walk into 77. Jihoon’s desk is empty, Mr. Park is just about to leave as you enter and you bow to him quickly as you settle in your desk. Seokmin is in the corner watering the yarrows, seeming to not have noticed you yet.
You watch him closely, smiling softly when you notice he stops before he can overwater them. Quietly, you set your stuff down and Seokmin begins to talk. “Oh, Jihoon, Mr. Park was just looking for you—oh,” he cuts himself flat when he turns around and sees you.
You’re not sure what to do, because Joshua didn’t exactly tell you if he told Seokmin about your conversation and what not, but the look on Seokmin’s face is telling you that he’s just a little behind on the news.
“Hey,” you say casually, throwing a hand up to wave at him as you set your bag down on your desk. Seokmin opens his mouth and then closes it a few times, as if he’s searching for the right words but they don’t quite come out for a few moments.
“Joshua told me that, uh, you know that—” He pauses and glances at you, trying to watch for any hints of anger on your face, but none comes.
“Don’t worry about it,” you say with a shrug, and Seokmin has to blink twice because he’s not sure he heard you correctly at all.
“W-what?”
You narrow your eyes at him. “I said don’t worry about it,” you state again, and then add more softly, “You’re not your father. I get it.” You get it more than anyone. “Anyways, did you get the workers to start planting the hyacinths?”
Seokmin shakes his head once to snap himself back into reality and then shakes his head again a second time. “Wait no, I mean—wait, yes! I mean yes! I did do that—I should go remind them to get on that,” he rambles quickly, clearly a little flustered.
You chuckle. “It’s good to see you’ve been watering the yarrows properly now. Mr. Park finally beat it into you?”
“Y-yeah I guess. I’ve been getting better at remembering them all,” he tells you, starting to fall into a more casual tone. It’s normal, you think. Nice and normal. Nice and normal and just what you need.
“What are you doing here?”
When you turn around with your bag slung over your shoulder, you’re surprised to see Joshua. “Um, working?”
“It’s a Saturday night,” he states, lips pinched together in a funny expression, like he can’t figure you out.
“I think I know that,” you chuckle. “I didn’t know if I could come in on Monday—I need to stop by the university campus for something—so I just came in today to take care of some stuff.”
“You’re a dedicated worker huh … you should just work here forever—the pay is great.”
“Mm, I’m not sure about that,” you say honestly as you look him up and down. It strikes you now that Prince Joshua truly is a handsome man. Dark velvety robes that are even more grand than the ones you’re used to seeing on him, well fit dress pants against his legs and shiny leather shoes that seem to fit his image perfectly. “Anyways, I heard there’s a ball tonight? You’re not going?”
Joshua shrugs as he turns around and starts walking, waving you over to follow him. “C’mon follow me.” You contemplate your choices before telling yourself, what’s the worst that could happen, scurrying on after him. “I left—it got boring, so I got about twenty-five minutes before someone calls me and asks me to come back. My bets are on it being Seokmin ‘cause he’ll get bored.”
You snort at that as the familiarity of this route starts to sink in. “Hey are we going to my …”
“Yeah. Seokmin told me you finally got it named, and I want to check it out.”
“Uh, yeah,” you murmur bashfully—you hadn’t expected Joshua to be that interested in it. You walk through the empty corridors to the hallway that has the North entrance of the courtyard, and Joshua cranes his neck up to look at the golden plaque that rests above the entrance.
“Sol Invictus, huh.”
You nudge him on the side playfully. “You know what that means, Mr. Latin Genius?”
“Of course I do,” he retorts with a roll of his eyes. “Sun god, or whatever,”
“God of sun, but you were close enough I guess,” you mutter as you walk through. The courtyard looks different in the night. It’s nearly done, and as the little warm lights you had placed in intervals along the path light up the scene, you can’t help but feel overwhelming pride with how well you’ve done.
“C’mon, let’s sit here,” he says, pointing down at the circular patch of grass that surrounds the pond in the middle. Joshua sits down first and you watch him carefully before quickly sitting next to him as well.
The grass is cool under your skin, but as a comfortable silence envelopes you and Joshua, you start to think you really don’t mind.
“I think lots of people think I’m stupid or something,” Joshua finally speaks up, and some uncomfortable feeling boils in your stomach at the words. “You know, the only thing people usually compliment me on is my fencing, really. And fencing is one of those things that, if you’ve been doing it as long as I have, you sort of gotta be good at it.”
“I don’t think you’re stupid.”
“I know. Thank you.” There’s a silence as he reaches over the stone lining of the hyacinth beds, plucking a few from the shrubs.
“Joshua!” you complain. “I had those planted just last week.”
“It’s fine,” he mumbles, handing the two he plucked to you. You don’t hesitate to keep your palms open for him, his fingers brushing over the skin of your arms as he does so. You rub the smooth petals between your fingers and a thumb, bringing one close to your chest before taking the other and handing it back to Joshua.
He looks at you, eyes clearly confused, but holds it to his own chest anyways. With your hands behind you on the ground, you lean back and look up at the sky, letting your shoulders relax. The night air pinches at your skin, but the soft fabric of Joshua tuxedo is warm as it brushes next to you.
“Why’d you name this pond Eridenus?” Joshua asks, pointing at the plaque by the pebble lining which spells out the word in fancy lettering.
“You don’t know where it’s from?” you sigh, lifting your head so you can shoot him a stern look. Joshua rolls his eyes and nudges your cheek with his shoulder, motioning you to lean back down at him.
“You know I’m a rascal—I’m forgetful. Tell me what it means.”
“It’s confirmed: you’re a fake mythology fan. I’m suing the universe.” Joshua chuckles and pokes you, egging you to go on. “Do you remember the story of Phaethon?”
Joshua hums. “Uh, son of Helios. Didn’t believe that he was his son. Asked to ride his carriage but lost control and almost burned the Earth?”
You shrug. “Well that’s most of it I guess. He’s racing down to the earth and everything is chaos—rivers boiling, forests on fires, people turning to ash—and so Zeus throws his bolt at him and kills Phaethon right in the sky.”
“Kind of like the story of Icarus. But the opposite I guess. Instead of getting too close to the sun, he brings the sun too close to the earth.”
“You could put it like that. They have the same meaning, I think. But anyways, Phaethon falls out of the carriage and as he dies he falls into this river called Eridenus.”
“Oh.” Joshua’s voice is quiet as you both watch the gentle water lap back and forth in front of you. The small waves hitting the stone barriers of the pound is the only sound that permeates the night sky, besides your shared breaths and the occasional whistling of wind.
“It’s kind of like—” You.
“Don’t say it.” Joshua’s words are crisp and short, and he doesn’t look at you. You want to say the words—I’m sorry—but they get stuck in your throat and ripple through your limbs as you scoot closer to him.
“Anyways,” Joshua finally says, but the word is only followed with silence.
“I think you need to get back to the ball,” you tell him quietly, lifting your head from his shoulder. Your skin burns from where it was previously pressed against him and you silently chide yourself for letting yourself get so close.
Joshua finally turns to face you, and you’re surprised when he chuckles. “So eager to get rid of me, Sunshine?” You scoff, pushing him away gently.
“I-I just don’t want you to get in trouble!” you stutter as you push yourself off the ground, Joshua following suit.
“Aw, so you care about me?” His eyes crinkle up in that familiar way when he says it and you can’t help the childish grin that makes its way onto your face.
“More like I don’t want you to complain to me about how you got scolded!”
“Mm, sounds a lot like you care about me,” Joshua counters, returning your smile with one of his own. You roll your eyes and carefully skip in your dress toward the exit on the North end of the courtyard.
When you almost trip over your robes, Joshua catches you and his rough palm presses against the small of your back as you regain your balance, the two of you giggling together as he drops you off at 77 before heading to the ballroom.
It’s almost laughable how happy you are. Silly you for forgetting that fairytales don’t happen in real life.
The walls look brighter, the chandeliers that hang from the ceiling seem to glitter a bit more, the ground seems smoother; you enjoy walking through the castle in a way you never thought you could.
It’s a normal evening and you’re nearing the end of your time at the castle, but you choose to ignore the odd feeling you get when you think too long about leaving this place. There’s still more work to get done, and you don’t want to spend your time focusing on things that you know will only distract you.
You’re in the middle of Sol Invictus today, looking through a paper and phone as you go through some old plans and checklists, trying to figure out if there is anything you should do before you pack your bags and head towards Joshua’s study.
Just as you’re about to unclick your pen and tuck your things away and head back to 77, someone speaks to you from behind.
“A lovely courtyard we have here.” You know this voice. Everyone knows this voice.
Your blood runs cold as you turn around and face the King, neck craning down immediately as you bow down, stepping away while you hold your hands behind your back.
“G-good evening sir,” you stutter, almost tripping over the stone of your own pathways when you stand up and straighten your back. It’s your first time in years seeing him in person, and you tell yourself as your stomach churns that this was bound to happen at some point.
“Care to tell me about what you’ve got going on here?” he asks, walking around the little stone circle that surrounds Eridenus. “You’re the head of the project, is that right?”
“Yes sir,” you reply quickly, bowing again slightly when he finally goes full circle stopping next to you. His hands are behind his back as you watch him look over the almost complete fields of flowers. “I—uh—it’s called Sol Invictus,” you say. “The—”
“God of Sun.”
“Y-yes sir. Apollo and Helios,” you begin to explain. “Which is why I’ve used these flowers—they’re from one of Apollo’s love stories. They’re quite beautiful, if you ask me, and they fit the kingdom’s colors well.”
The King hums in response. “That’s interesting,” he finally tells you, looking down at Eridenus in front of you. You follow his gaze, staring down at the clear water as you feel your heart rise to your throat in anticipation. You don’t really know what you expect, but if you were preparing yourself for anything, it wasn’t the King saying, “It’s my understanding that you talk to Prince regularly, is that right?”
Your breath hitches in your throat and lodges there along with your heart. “Well, I wouldn’t say—”
“I was speaking to Mr. Park just yesterday.” Oh. “You seem to be a very smart, professional young lady, and it shows in your work.” This can’t be good. “However, I am obligated to remind you: there are boundaries within these walls between the family and its staff.”
“Of course sir. I understand.”
The King watches you carefully, and just when you think he's done, he continues. “There are guards around the castle at all times. there isn't much they miss, I’m sure you know.” This isn't good. This really isn't good.
“It's quite impressive,” you agree, thumbs pressed against each other behind your back. You hear the king take a deep breath, and you wonder if he sucked the air out of you doing so.
"I've heard the pond here is named Eridenus.”
"Y-yes sir."
"Interesting," he murmurs. "Phaeton asked for a bit more than he could handle, didn’t he?" the King chuckles but you hardly hear it over the way your heart pounds. "Let mistakes be learned from, alright?"
You feel your knuckle might buckle. Is this how your mother felt? All those years ago?
The King’s words aren’t nearly as harsh as the advisor who berated your mother, but still, your body sways—you can’t tell if it’s all in your head with all the thoughts that race through, or if it’s the sheer weight of his words that has you almost stumbling.
“It was good to meet you. I’ve enjoyed what you’ve done with this space,” he comments finally, and you step away to face him
“The pleasure was mine, sir,” you bid, bowing as he turns and walks back to his assistants who whisk him away. You watch the King fade into the distance and disappear to the North end.
He spoke to you for a reason, and the King was right. You are smart. You are smart and professional, and tonight, you know exactly what you must do.
“We need to talk,” you state firmly, closing the door behind you in Joshua’s study. You’re supposed to tutor him tonight, and he doesn’t look up at you as he writes away in his notebook, a smirk making its way onto his face as he starts to speak.
“That’s all I get, Sunshine? No ‘hi,’ ‘hello,’ ‘how are you?’” he teases, but then he looks up at you and catches the grim look on your face and the sound of him dropping his pen echoes through the room. “What is it?”
He stands up so quickly that his chair falls down, but Joshua pays no mind to it, his hands gripping the end of his table as his eyes bore into yours. “What is it?” he asks again and this time he’s hissing it. You know he doesn’t mean to be harsh, but your heart sinks even further than you could imagine.
“Joshua,” and when you say it, your voice is meek. You shouldn’t cry over this—fuck, you hate crying, especially if it’s because of his people. You’ve done more than enough crying over them in your life—you can’t cry over any of this anymore.
“Sunshine, what’s going on? You’re scaring me,” Joshua eggs you on worriedly, moving away from his desk so he can walk over to you. One hand cups your cheek, and you’re struck by the realization that this is the most intimate he’s ever been with you.
What unfortunate circumstances, you think.
“Your father,” you say, having half a mind to push his hand away from your face, but you keep it there because you don’t think you’ll have the will to keep on talking if he’s not touching you.
“What about him?” Joshua asks hastily, grip on your jaw tightening.
“He knows, Joshua, he knows.”
“What are you talking about?” Joshua furrows his eyebrows and asks the question but there’s that voice in his head telling him that he already knows the answer.
“A guard saw us at the courtyard and—”
“We didn’t even do anything,” Joshua tries to protest and with just one look at his face, you can tell he’s trying to figure out ways to rebut whatever that stupid guard saw that night.
“Joshua, you know we can’t do anything about this,” you say exasperatedly, your voice a little louder now that you clutch the elbow of his arm that’s holding your face. “I overheard him talking to Mr. Park.”
Joshua’s eyes widen. “Mr. Park knows? What about your job? Are you going to get to finish the project? Are you—”
“Joshua,” you choke out, and for once you cannot stop your tears. “I don’t care about my goddamn project, I care about you.”
“You love that courtyard,” Joshua argues, and you wince at the way he’s still thinking about that damn courtyard. You brush his hand off of you and for a second it looks like his heart has just broken in two, but then you reach for his face and hold his cheeks with your own two hands.
His skin is smooth and supple with the light grain of stubble that itches against your palm near the underside of your jaw. “Joshua,” you whisper, and it’s now that you feel the warm drops of water hit your skin. Joshua is crying and you don’t think you’ve seen anything that saddens you more. “Don’t cry, please don’t cry,” you beg, fruitlessly wiping away his tears as he silently cries into your hands.
“Why’re you acting like this is the end?” he hiccups and he must hate the sound because he slaps a hand over his mouth and buries his face into it.
“Joshua, no,” you murmur and pull him into you so that his hands can fall and you can cradle his head into your neck, letting your own tears drip onto the silk of his shirt. “It’s not the end,” you try to reason, but he pulls his head away to look down at you with glassy eyes.
“You—you’re lying to me,” Joshua says harshly.
“What are you talking about, I don’t—”
“I know you. I-I—fuck—I fucking know you,” he spits out, causing you to falter backwards. “Why do you think we can’t work this out? I’m the prince, I can—I can change everything and we can be together—”
“Your father —”
“Who gives a fuck, I’ll be king soon anyways and—”
“What if he does something?! What if he revokes your title?”
You’re met with stillness and you think Joshua might just comply with your silent plan but suddenly he’s shaking his head vigorously.
“Okay, then let him. I don’t care about being prince, I—”
“You can’t throw your life away Joshua, not for me!” you protest, holding his face again so you can focus his gaze on yours.
“It’s my life—why, why not?”
“Because I love you. And you can’t sacrifice this—this amazing life—for me!”
“I-I can’t—I don’t,” he stumbles and searches for words as tears fall from his lashes and roll down your hands, your wrists, your arms, “—can’t do it, not without you.”
“You’ve been doing it for years, Joshua, you’ll learn,” you tell him, using one hand to grip his cheek, the other to wipe away at your own.
“You don’t love me,” he chokes out. “You—you wouldn’t do this to me if you loved me.”
“Don’t say that, please.” You press your forehead against his and close your eyes because you can’t bear to look at his tear-streaked cheeks any longer. It’s quiet for a moment, and you can’t help but think that this is the calm before the storm.
“We’ll work it out,” Joshua finally whispers, pulling his head back and cradling the back of your neck with his hands. You don’t say anything, and Joshua doesn’t give you the chance anyway. “Let me have you,” he begs. “We’ll work everything out and it’ll be okay,” he says over a strangled sob, “Just—just be with me tonight.”
And so when you nod, he wipes his tears and pokes his head out of the study to make sure the corridor is empty before tugging your wrist and pulling you to his room. It’s big and grand, just as you’d expect for the prince but Joshua doesn’t want you to look at the intricate walls or the tall ceilings or the golden furniture.
Joshua makes you focus on his burning touch and lets you explore his mouth, his body. And stripped, your bodies are so hot and with wet lips against sheen skin, you feel you might melt into each other’s bones.
Teeth against teeth, nails scraping against skin so hard it digs into the muscle, bruising holds, and sloppy kisses—the feeling is so intense and it crashes onto you and Joshua so hard that you have no other choice but to grip onto each other as you would a lifeline.
And your bodies move so languidly through the sheets, like waves against a shore, or like the wind whistling through the air, until you're trembling and drifting off in each others’ arms.
It would have been perfect. Perfect, if only Joshua had woken up and you were next to him.
Joshua is lost.
After a frantic hour of running around the palace, asking if anyone had seen you, looking for Seokmin to see if he had any answers, Joshua finds himself in the middle of Sol Invictus. And he racks his brain for answers, for a smidge of anything that gives him a reasonable explanation as to why you weren’t in his arms this morning.
Joshua is lost.
He’s staring at the ground now, and all Joshua can wonder is if it was all a dream. If that moment you both looked out his glass window at the stars before you kissed him on his bed was just a figment of his imagination.
He wonders if you actually did thread your soft fingers through his messy hair and hold him close as both hit your peaks together, and he wonders if your lips really did ghost over his skin as he drifted off into sleep.
Joshua almost doesn’t feel Advisor Lee’s hand on his shoulder. He only hears his voice, really, and when he does, the sound grates against his ears.
“She’s gone.” Advisor Lee’s voice has always been harsh, and Joshua wonders how the same man could’ve produced something—someone—as lovely as Seokmin.
“What are you talking about?” Joshua is good at feigning ignorance, but his voice still quivers.
“I know. Your father and mother know too.”
Joshua is lost.
Joshua’s eyes snap up and suddenly his hands are at Advisor Lee’s collar. When the older man doesn’t seem surprised, Joshua sags. “What the fuck do you know. What—” He inhales sharply as he lets go and steps back, inching closer to Eridenus. “—what did you do to her?”
“She left herself.”
“What are—” Joshua heaves. “What?”
He’s doing it before he even realizes it. Stumbling toward Eridenus with his lungs and heart mushed together so tight he’s got a hole in his chest, Joshua steps over the stone lining and crashes into the shallow water.
Seokmin’s face pales when he walks in on the scene. Coming into the courtyard from the South end, he sees Joshua’s figure before he even recognizes it’s him.
That’s not Joshua, he thinks as he watches his father stand in front of Eridenus where the prince sits. That’s not Joshua.
Joshua’s shoulders are always sharp and his eyes are bright. Joshua’s smile is full and his hands are always ready to love.
This isn’t Joshua, and Seokmin feels it in his gut when he approaches Eridenus.
Joshua sits in the middle of the pond. His knees are bent and the cold water stops at the middle of his chest, leaving the upper third of his body dry. His royal coat and velvet pants, his polished shoes and silk button up, are submerged and rub against the algae coated rocks on the bottom of Eridenus.
Advisor Lee doesn’t speak as Seokmin stands next to him, Eridenus in front of the two with the prince in the middle. Joshua doesn’t say a thing. In fact, it seems like he doesn’t even know Seokmin is here now. His neck is tilted down and he stares at his soaked slacks blankly.
Seokmin is stunned.
This can’t be Joshua, because Joshua’s shoulders are always sharp but now they are hunched over and hardly moving, even as he breathes short breaths through his pale lips.
This can’t be Joshua, because Joshua’s eyes are always bright but now they are dull and dead. Seokmin knows Joshua’s eyes are always bright, but he failed to realize what exactly it was that was lighting them up.
Seokmin thought it was the sun but he was wrong, because even now, as Joshua sits under broad daylight, he is still and his eyes are dull.
Two weeks since you’ve seen Joshua’s face and you miss his smile.
You miss his smile, the one that crinkles up all the way to his eyes when he laughs at one of your snarky comments. The one that shines his teeth and the one that seemed to never leave your sight when you were with him.
You miss his smile, but his laugh still rings in your ear, early in the mornings when you blink awake and late in the nights when you gasp in hearty breaths and try not to cry. When you take the walk through the city to your work at Mr. Min’s bookshop, the ringing of the street vendors’ bells are bright and cheery, and sometimes you can hear Joshua’s laugh in the mix.
One month since Joshua last looked you in the eye and he wishes he didn’t know why you left. He wishes he was oblivious, because then he could be angry at you—he could have a reason to forget, to move on, to stop loving you.
Joshua knows why you left and it hurts more than anything because this is nothing like a betrayal at all. You left because you love him, and Joshua cannot dispute that—not now, not ever.
Sometimes he walks through Sol Invictus and plucks a hyacinth, letting it blow off into the wind. He hopes you’ll find the lost petals one day.
Two months since you’ve been in the castle and your life is normal. Well, as normal as it can get for you.
Your first semester of the new year started a few days ago, and you’ve since moved into an apartment near your campus. Your mother thinks it’ll be good for you, and you understand her sentiment but you don’t think she understands.
Ironic, you think. You’ve gone full circle, really. Maybe it does run in your blood, like all the whispers said.
You realize you’re okay with that. Maybe you made a mistake with Joshua, maybe you didn’t. Maybe you almost royally fucked up your reputation more than it already was (thankfully, the Royal Counsel was better at keeping it under the wraps this time), maybe no one cares. Maybe your life is a little bit more messed up now, but again—you’re okay with that.
You miss Joshua. You don’t think you’ll ever stop missing him. You’re also okay with that. You’re starting to realize that you’re okay with pretty much anything when it comes to Joshua. And once again, you’re okay with that.
Six months since he’s seen you and Joshua’s chest aches. Partly because he was distracted during fencing and took a jab straight in the middle but mostly because he misses you.
He stands on the balcony of the royal dining hall, waiting for lunch to be served as he looks over the palace and the kingdom that spread beyond. Joshua sees the tall buildings, the rows of houses, and the infamous Hong University that lay in the middle of the commontown around the hill the castle sits on, and he wonders.
You told him you’d be taking an astronomy class this semester, which should have started a month ago. Joshua is old enough and smart enough to know that collegiate astronomy is more than just the moon and the sun and the pretty little dots that button the sky, but still, he wonders.
The sun and its sunlight, rotations and revolutions.
Will you think about him?
Joshua doesn’t need to wonder—he knows.
The sun is bright today and even though it’s winter, the clouds are nowhere to be seen. It’s a bit of a rare occurrence for the cold months, but Joshua doesn’t mind. When he looks at the blue sky and briefly glances at the sun, his shadow on the stone floor, the reflection of light against the railing, Joshua breathes in the chilly air, filling his lungs deeply.
He knows.
Eight months and you still hear Joshua’s laugh.
You hear it when wind whistles in your ear as you walk to a flower shop to buy a pot. You hear it when you look up at the sun and imagine you’re in the middle of Sol Invictus. You hear it when you crouch down on your balcony, placing the little hyacinth into the pot and packing soil around the base.
You miss Joshua, you miss his smile, and more than anything, you miss his laugh. Right now, as you bathe in the memories of a man so far yet so close, you realize that you can miss him all you want, but you won’t forget. You can’t ever forget.
Ten months later and Joshua’s chest still aches, but he’s okay with that.
He sucks in heavy breaths as his lungs search for air on the fencing match, his trainer leaving the room, leaving Joshua after his request to take a break. Through the rush of blood in his ears, Joshua hardly hears the door behind him open.
“Mingyu told me you’ve been struggling with fencing recently,” his mother says, approaching him. Joshua shuffles in his fencing gear, throwing his helmet to the side.
“I’ve just hit a stump.”
“Something tells me this is more than just a stump,” she inquires as Joshua kicks off his boots.
Joshua scoffs, “What makes you say that?”
“Joshua, what’s wrong?”
He pauses, about to pull off his gloves when he looks up at the Queen. “Everyone in the Royal Counsel knows. I’m sure you know too.”
His mother sighs heavily when he stands up, and she follows him out the training room and toward the Residency Quart. There’s a silence that gaps the mother and son—not that Joshua isn’t used to it. He still smiles and grins, he hugs and he bows, and oftentimes it is genuine, but there’s a silence that always follows. A silence that he never forgets.
A silence he holds when he watches the same kitten you held cross his path when he walks through Sol Invictus, slightly bigger but just as nimble and heart warming. A silence he holds when his eyes gloss over the set of Percy Jackson books in the shelves of his room. A silence he holds when he sinks into his covers and presses his nose to the sheets, wondering if he’ll ever be able to taste your skin on his tongue again.
“I won’t ever understand what went on between you two,” his mother finally says.
“There isn’t anything for you to understand,” Joshua tells her, heading towards his room, but his mother stops him and he narrows his eyes. “What? I felt bad for her, alright? When I saw her all those years ago when it all happened out in the gardens—”
“Joshua, what are you talking about?”
“That’s what you want to know, right? Why I talked to her? Why I—I love her?” His mother gives him a stern look, but Joshua doesn’t relent. He’s starting to realize he’s been too comfortable with this silence. “I never asked you to understand it, but I’ll tell you anyway. Maybe because I pitied her or felt sorry for her or all the same stuff, and maybe I didn’t think she deserved to be ostracized for something she never did but—whatever. I’m not asking you to understand, but I am asking you to leave it alone.”
“You’re my son, Joshua.”
The Queen is Joshua’s mother and she doesn’t understand. She may never understand, and Joshua is okay with that because if he’s being honest, he doesn't think anyone will ever understand. He’s okay with that too.
You will understand, and for him, that’s enough.
You get two letters from the Royal Counsel in your lifetime. You received the first over a year ago—the one you opened with Mr. Min standing across from you in his little bookstore under dingy lights and over the dusty counter. The one you crumpled up and tossed into the dustbin without as much as a second though. The one that led you down a long, winding path which brought you to Joshua.
You receive the second now, standing in your apartment as you look down, except this time you aren’t staring at a paper, you’re staring at the screen of your laptop. You giggle quietly to yourself; Joshua must have taken the Royal Counsel up on still sending letters.
You’ve only looked at the subject of the email so far. It’s got your name and the word “request” written in bold, and you wonder what they want.
Glossing over the text, a wave of nostalgia washes over you. “The Hong Royal Counsel wishes to find you well, as we present a request.” Same shit, huh? “You will have the opportunity to lead a project as you please and earn a notable compensation in payment for your efforts.” Yeah, pretty much.
It’s the same thing, you realize. They want you back—for what, you aren’t sure, but you have a feeling that it doesn’t really matter. Because signed, at the bottom of the email isn’t the usual, “Hong Royal Counsel,” but instead is, “Hong Royal Family.”
The little sun emblem sits below the signatures of the King and Queen, and you press your eyes shut and hold the screen close to your chest, silently praying under your breath that is not a dream.
You don’t know what happened, don’t know what Joshua told them, but to be frank, you don’t care. You’re smart enough to read between the lines.
I don’t understand, they're telling you, But that doesn’t mean I can’t try.
It’s your first day at the castle. Well, your second first day.
When you park your car at the base of the hill, you smile down at the silk over your waist. You abandoned the new ribbon sent to you by the Court, instead donning the one that came to you in a little white box ten months ago. Sometimes, when you hold it close enough, you still think you can smell Joshua’s skin.
You wonder how long you’ll have to wait for him, but as you look up at the sky, you have your answer.
Something speaks to you when you return to 77. Mr. Park is still gruff and cranky but you swear you see the peek-a-boo of a smile on his lips when you walk in. Jihoon’s there too, he greets you regularly.
And of course there’s Seokmin who is hugging you so tight, it reminds you that he is a full grown man and not a child trapped in a large body. You think he almost cries when he laughs with you about how he almost killed the yarrows again (but he brought them back to life! Trust!), and then he beams and tells you that you gotta check out Sol Invictus.
It’s beautiful.
Bright hyacinths that line from east to west and your heart is happy because Seokmin told you he’d get everyone to finish planting them and he did. The purple petals let wind whistle through its stems and leaves, the rustling echoing off the walls of the castle that surround Sol Invictus.
The water of Eridenus gleams under the sun, the stone of your pathways glows brightly, and as your eyes flicker around, you notice something new. In each corner field of Sol Invictus, sits a medium sized sculpture, each of a pegasus but all slightly different in pose and manner.
And then you see him, his back facing you, standing in front of one of the statues that sits in one of the fields on the west end.
Walk the line.
Tracing the pathways—your pathway—from East to West with your shoes clacking their short heels against the tiles—you know he can hear you, but still, he doesn’t move. His hands are neatly holding each other behind his back as his neck tilts slightly upward to stare up at the pegasus.
“Aethon, Aeos, Pyrois, and Phlegon,” Joshua says when you finally stop next to him, shoulders barely brushing against each other. “This one is Pyrois.”
“Helios’ pegasi,” you murmur, glossing over the fine details and intricacies of the statue.
“I thought you might like them.”
You don’t say anything for a moment and grin, watching his eyes light up from the corner of your vision. “I love them.”
“Thank god. You were taking so long to respond, I thought you were going to yell at me for fucking up Sol Invictus.”
You laugh and shake your head, both of you shuffling as you face each other.
“Hi,” you say so lightly it comes out as a breathy laugh when you both finally look each other in the eye.
“Sunshine.” Joshua smiles, holding out his hand. The light is warm when it hits your skin, and Joshua’s dark hair glints a light brown under the beams. You take his hand and run your fingers over the calluses of his palm; his skin is warm when his fingers grasp around yours and as you look at his eyes, you feel it in your bones.
This is Joshua, this is Joshua, and every path you follow will always lead you back to him.
find an alternate ending here!
edit. thanks 4 making it this far! if ur interested i expand on the concept of an isohel more here and little tidbits here, and it's honestly just a ramble but i hope it makes clear why i made some decisions w the story if ur interested :3
a/n. aaah it's done! as per em's request, i will be posting a one-shot of these two and their lives in the future bc i feel like i robbed u guys of a possibly fluffier ending so keep an eye out for that ... anyways, i hope u enjoyed, comments / reblogs would mean the world to me and >_< thank u for reading!
taglist. @synthetickitsune @ixayjun @leejihoonownsmyheart @dahliatopia @gyuswhore @hoeforcheol @5xiang @hajimelvr @miriamxsworld @blinkjunhui @lixiel0ver @josefines-things @mimisxs @kawennote09 @bbyjjunie @rubyreduji @todorokiskitten @98-0603 @hipsdofangirl @minnie-mouser22 @minhui896 @whippedforjihoon @nishloves @woozarts (strikethrough could not be tagged)
#joshua hong#seventeen joshua#hong jisoo#hong jisoo xreader#hong jisoo x reader#joshua x you#joshua x reader#seventeen imagines#joshua#joshua hong angst#joshua hong fanfic#joshua hong fluff#hong joshua x reader#hong joshua#hong joshua smut#kpop fanfic#kpop fluff#kpop angst#svt fanfic#svt fluff#svt angst#seventeen fanfic#seventeen x reader#seventeen angst#kpop#📝 writing#isohel
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— Stop, you’re losing me.
mingyu x reader || angst.
summary ; trying to save an already failing relationship is a lot harder when he forgets your birthday.
(not proof read lol)
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Its your birthday, you’ve never made a big deal about it tell you met him. You still remember his shocked face and loud “WHAT” when you told him you dont found your birthday a big deal, its just another day. Ever since then, he always celebrated your birthday in fun surprises and dinners. He made it so important and meaningful for you, and the big part of that is because you know he’ll be there.
So your nothing short of despair when its past 5pm and he hasnt once messaged you. It’d be another thing if he just didnt message happy birthday, you wouldve been okay with goodmoring.
You sigh putting your phone down, bitting your lip as your eyes water. It shouldnt be this serious, you’ve never even cared about your birthday before, so why dose it hurt so bad now?
Mingyu
That god damn Mingyu.
He used to be such a soft spoken soul, aiding to your needs as you do with him, those first few years of your relationship. He confessed to you in your own backward, he put his effort and time into it. You can even smell the flowers that lead to Mingyu, see the lights that brightened his soft smile, that swift hair and tall figure standing nervously fiddling with the bouquet in his hands. And who could forget the blush that tainted his face and ears, tears threatening to jump out after you said “yes.”
Now, your even lucky if he stays with you a whole day. Its always this or that driving him away. When he left your sisters engagement dinner because a friend of his needed help moving in, or when he canceled a date because he forgot a “really super duper important project” as he said. The nights he wouldnt call, the empty king bed. The second toothbrush that hasnt been moved in 2 weeks.
It drove you insane, but you still gave him the benefit of the doubt.
“Maybe he’s busy”
“Hes probably sleeping”
“God his phone must’ve died”
Your friends would yell at you over text, spamming you with the reality check you needed, but never could deposit. After pacing around the kitchen trying to ignore the cute cake you bought with a sad candle slowly sinking into it. You pick up your phone and call him.
Ring…
Ring…
Ring…
*click!*
Did he just hang up on you..?
No, he would have to be crazy.
You call again.
Same fucking thing, even quicker just 2 rings in.
You open his contact info, trying to see where his location would put him.
“No Location Found.” You curse, what is he hiding? Your mind leads to the one scenario you’ve been dreading, infidelity. The thought of him cheating makes you wanna throw up, but sadly its a most common event. You’re just so done with everything, putting the cake away into the fridge and changing clothes. Its now 6:42pm and with the major headache you have, you simply decided to sleep it off. Hugging the build-a-bear Mingyu bought you a year back, it muffles your sobs, soaking in the tears.
It’s cold and dark when your awaken by an extra weight adjusting it’s self onto the right side of the bed. You recognize it all to well. Mingyu pulls the covers over himself, giving you a small peck on the tip of your ear.
“You’re home” you say, your drowsy and hurt voice clear.
“Yeah- im sorry im so late” he whispers to you
“There's cake in the fridge”
“Cake? For what”
You sigh, “My birthday”
You can hear his breathe hitch.
“Fuck- Baby im so sorry. I didnt mean to forget. I was just so bus-.”
You sit up.
“Busy,? from what? So busy you couldnt even text? Because clearly it wouldnt have taken as much time as hanging up on me and turning off your location did. So if ‘busy’ is some new slang for ignoring then that makes way more sense.”
“I didnt even know you called, i swear. My location should be on babe.. I” He mumbles on
“Then whos hanging up on me? Making sure i dont know where your at? Is she fun?”
Mingyu’s eyes widen
“What are you talking about?”
“Her, you know.. Is she attractive? What is it huh? Skinner than me? Or maybe blonder? Or is because you dont need to be responsible for her?
“Baby no, its none of that.” He grabs your shoulders.
“I love you, calm down”
“How can i?” You exclaim, jumping off the bed.
“You missed my birthday! I waited for you like some stupid dog! I felt so stupid.”
“I dont understand, birthdays were never that big of a deal for you”
“They werent until you made it a problem! Now look at me” you say, the tear stained face and puffy cheeks evident.
Mingyu gets up, walking over to you.
“I know ive been distant, let me make it up to you”
“Where were you tonight?”
He stays quiet for a moment, taking a deep breathe
“My friend he uh… invited me to a club” he quietly says.
“Oh. Okay.”
“Okay..?”
“Mingyu, get out”
“What?” His heart drops.
“Get out! Did the club music deafen you?? I want you gone” You yell, tears streaming down your face as you push him out. Though you have little to no affect of moving his body, it makes it all the more depressing.
“Okay…Okay..” He quietly says, grabbing his phone off the dresser. Looking down at you with remorseful eyes. His heart aching at the messed up state your in. And its because of him, god.
You slam the door behind him, locking it. You sigh before faintly walking back to your bed.
And theres your build-a-bear, ready to be hugged and to soak all your tears again.
Atleast, that comforts you.
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So Close Yet So Far - Mingyu x Reader - Chapter 19 - What Have I Done?
Synopsis: Your college friend, Kim Mingyu, has had a grip on your heart since the first day you met. Over the past few years, as you acquired more friendships and memories, those feelings only grew. However, recently, Mingyu has seemed a bit more distant, at least when it comes to any ideas of romance. It only gets worse when rumors fly that he's off to Japan to receive a marriage proposal! Unsure what to do, you wonder how you can keep Mingyu by your side without jeopardizing your friendship or your growing feelings. You never expected that waking up one drunken morning next to two hot angels would be your ticket into Mingyu's heart.
Genre: Romance, College!AU, Modern Fantasy, Comedy, Angsty
Length: approx. 6.8k words
Chapter 19 - What Have I Done?
Mina’s desperate attempt to say your name one more time fell on deaf ears, because you simply repeated your comment: “Don’t. Talk. To. Me.”
“Please, I just have to...”
“What? What else do you need to take from me?!” You asked. “That’s it! We are done here! You wormed your way into our lives and took everything from us. What else do you want?!” You motioned to the two men on either side of you. “Them?!”
“Woah, wait.” Jeonghan said quickly under his breath.
“My friends?! My college degree?!””
“No, please.” Mina gulped.
“No, you don’t get to say please to me for anything! I cannot believe I let myself get fooled by you! The minute you told me you came here to be Mingyu’s wife i should have know not to trust you! But I’m an idiot, I will admit. The really thought you and I could be friends. But I was wrong. So now you have everything you came here for and you still ask me for more!? Give me a break!”
“Hey…” Joshua gripped your shoulder. “Take it easy.” You sniffled, feeling all of the tears you were holding back in the hallway with Mingyu finally begin to spill.
“I’m sorry.”
“No you’re not!” You snapped. By now, the entire room had gone silent, staring at you. Mr. Kim and Mr. Miyou were stunned to silence, watching in shock. “How can you possibly be sorry? I can’t accept your apology!”
“You need to listen, I-.”
“I’m done listening! Listening to you got me here in the first place!” You sniffled. “It’s okay if you never liked me, but you claim to love Mingyu and yet you make him suffer like this! I just can’t understand!” Mina finally fell silent, unable to stop you long enough to utter a full sentence. “And you invited me for what? To suffer? It’s cruel after all I did to befriend you and try to see you beyond our feelings. And yet despite all of this, for some reason, I came because I wanted to see if he was truly happy. I just want him to be happy.”
Mina pursed her lips together. She heard her father approaching, along with hotel security. Joshua and Jeonghan immediately took your arms.
“We got her.” Joshua said quickly.
“No need to make a bigger scene.” Jeonghan added. You turned to Jeonghan, who motioned to the door. “Let’s go, okay?” You nodded, before your eyes finally fell to Mingyu, who was standing just behind Mina, his father standing at his side and keeping him from getting closer. You shook your head.
“Don’t invite me to the wedding.” You said simply. Mingyu’s mouth immediately closed as he watched you walk out, Joshua and Jeonghan on either side of you. The hotel security followed behind, seemingly making sure the three of you actually did end up leaving. When the door closed behind him, Mingyu ran a hand through his hair.
“Ohhhh God. I fucked up, I fucked up so hard.” He gasped to himself. All he could see was your teary eyes and red face, a sight he would never unsee for as long as he lived.
“Don’t let that girl get you down.” His father said, a supportive pat too his shoulder. “Seems she’s crazier than we thought.” Mingyu couldn’t look at his father as he walked away with Mina’s. It took a few seconds for the rest of the party to devolve into its previous chatter, the music slowly replaying upon his father’s request. He watched as Mina immediately turned on her heel, heading down to the other side. Her friends from home immediately got up from their spots and swarmed her, comforting her from that ‘scary encounter’. Mingyu turned to the rest of his friends, and his expression only got more pained when he saw their looks of disapproval. “What do I do?” he choked out. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”
“End your engagement.” Seungkwan said simply.
“But.”
“End the engagement.” Hoshi repeated.
“My father will-.”
“Don’t end it.” A voice behind them alerted all of their attention. Jihoon stood there, hands in his pockets.
“Pardon?” Minnie asked.
“Whos side are you on again?” Seungkwan asked. Mingyu watched Jihoon approach him, patting his arm since he couldn’t reach his shoulder. His lips tightened at the realization of the height difference, the one thing that could bring Mingyu any slight bit of amusement in this moment.
“Don’t dig yourself into any holes. It’ll work out just fine. Just give it some more time. For now.” He pointed to Mingyu’s eyes, which Mingyu only realized now were red and wet with tears. “Keep that expression.”
“What?” Mingyu tried to turn back to Jihoon for more information, but he too strolled out of the party room, the doors once again closing behind him. He sighed, chewing the inside of his cheek when he heard his name called one final time. He turned his head, seeing Mina reapproaching him. He gasped for a breath of air, shaking his hair.
“Yes?” he asked. Mina rubbed her eyes, sniffling. Mingyu kept his hands at his sides, despite the natural instinct to offer her a tissue. “Are you alright?”
“I am. I think I deserved some of that…” she said softly. After a second of scanning the area, her eyes finally landed on his, and widened when she saw how upset he was. “You’re crying?” she asked softly.
“Can you blame me?” he asked, finally raising a finger to rub his eyes.
Mina sighed. “I want to go home.” she said. “I’m exhausted.” Mingyu turned to his friends, who simply turned back to the table, forcing themselves out of the conversation. He looked to the door you strolled out of a few minutes ago. Sighing, he nodded.
“So do I.” he said softly. He knew, however, the car he was going to get into would not take him home, but to the buidling he shared with Mina. He felt as though he deserved it.
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Mina sat on the bed in her room. She could hear Mingyu getting ready for bed himself in the other room, as he always did. She sat for a minute, listening to distant rustlings down the hall before rising up and heading down there herself. The hallway felt longer than it usually did tonight. She walked towards the door, reaching out and knocking on it once. Twice. Three times. When there was still no answer, Mina called out. “Mingyu?”
After an eternity of silence, the door propped open. Mingyu rested himself on the door frame, and Mina felt herself take a second to take all of him in. He was in a loose tee shirt and sweatpants, his hair still a bit damp after a shower. This would be the part of the fairytale where he would smile down at her with his infectious grin, pulling her close to him and whispering sweet nothings about how amazing the night was.
But as Mina recalled earlier in the evening, this was no fairytale. Mingyu’s smile was long since erased from the pages of her mind, and no matter how hard she tried, only blurry memories came to her now. Mingyu crossed his arms, resting his side against the door frame. Instead, he greeted her with puffy cheeks, and bags of exhaustion under his eyes that weighed his entire face down. “Yes?” He finally asked.
“Uh.” Mina was suddenly at a loss for words. All she could picture was Mingyu staring you down in the hotel hallway. His eyes prickling with tears as he tried everything he could think of in the moment to suppress them. She knew what she wanted to say to him, she had been practicing it for weeks specifically for tonight. Why don’t you join me? We are engaged, after all. The words seemed so easy to say, but why were they stuck in the back of her throat? She opened her mouth one more time, and saw Mingyu patiently waiting for her to speak. I can’t. She thought, already anticipating the answer she feared most. She shook her head. “Never mind.” She finally said. “I’m sorry. Goodnight.”
Mingyu nodded as Mina made her way back to her room. She heard him close his door only after she closed her own. Resting against the back of the door, she felt her legs give out all of the energy she had been trying her best to maintain through the day. Her feet were still throbbing from her heels, unable to support her anymore as she sank to the floor. Pulling her legs to her chest, she buried her head in her knees.
When Mingyu’s smile did form clearly in her mind, you were at his side. Fighting over photos during the fireworks, playing chicken in the ocean, nestled close during breakfast the last morning as he tried to steal some of your bacon.
It’s okay if you never liked me, but you claim to love Mingyu and yet you make him suffer like this! I just can’t understand!
It was a cruel irony, but it was one Mina felt she deserved after what she has done. The pain in your voice sat like a dagger in her chest, and she curled up into herself in hopes to push that feeling away.
“What have I done?” she muttered to herself. “I’ve ruined everything. I’ll never see him smile again…”
🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶So Close Yet So Far🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶
Only son of Kim Law Firm celebrates new engagement – Christmas wedding in the works!
You scoffed at the news title that was plastered on the front of the newspaper that morning and every morning since, tossing it into the garbage so you no longer had to look at the photos of the two together. It made you sick.
It had been a month since the engagement party, and school already back into the swing for the new fall term. Mingyu had yet to show up on campus, and once again the rumors as to why began to spread. Only this time, they were backed up by evidence. Where they even rumors in that case?
“I bet his new wife doesn’t want him on campus with some other girls…”
“I thought the same thing! I wouldn’t let my husband anywhere near his first love. He’s probably taking all online classes.”
“That’s so sad. He made my Korean law class just a bit more bearable, even if it was just the back of his head I saw…”
“Why is this happening again?” you sighed, resting your head on the table of the library. You and your friends had agreed to meet up in the library that afternoon after the lunch rush came to an end. The rumors continued to follow you, latching onto you and sucking the life from your veins like vicious and toxic mosquitos on a hot summer day.
“Don’t listen to them. They have no idea what they’re talking about.” Minnie assured, patting your shoulder.
“Yeah.” Hoshi said. You finally lifted your head up when you heard footsteps approaching. Looking over, you saw Joshua and Jeonghan taking their seats beside you. They hadn’t mentioned Mingyu since you three left the engagement party, nor had they checked their symbols on your hands. You knew better than to ask, though each day you were itching to know even more. Maybe it was those pesky mosquitos leaving bites.
“Please tell Jeonghan he’s in charge of dinner tonight.” Joshua said, his light-hearted comment causing you to look at him.
“I cooked last night. You need to start pulling your weight.” Jeonghan sneered, poking Joshua’s head as he snickered in amusement.
“I did breakfast.” He reminded. You rolled your eyes, closing your textbook. The duo was still playfully bickering until you quickly motioned your book in their direction. They flinched a bit, eyes wide as you simply set the book down and reopened to your page. “Hey!” He pouted.
“I’m not in the mood. You both want to keep staying at my house, you figure out the cooking.” You could practically hear the duo whine, and it only made you smirk as you flipped through the pages.
“You’re not a very nice tenant.” Joshua teased, but immediately looked away when you shot daggers in his direction.
Despite what had happened, and the duos hesitance to talk about it, you three had found a pretty comfortable routine in your apartment. One cooks breakfast, the other cooks dinner, and you always have a delicious meal waiting for you after a long day. At first the duo did it to help you as you got over your emotions. However, it remained this way even a month later. None of you complained. Well, until now. “I think we should get something to eat tonight, anyway.” You said.
Hoshi gasped, leaning forward. “Dinner party at your house?” he asked.
“What?” Despite the shock of the question, a grin formed on your face.
Minnie’s eyes widened. “I’ll bring the drinks.” Minnie cheered.
“I’ll grab snacks.” Seungkwan said, and Hoshi agreed to help.
“ Chicken .” Joshua and Jeonghan beamed. You laughed a bit.
“Uh, okay then. We can study, then.” Closing your textbook seemed to seal the deal. The idea of having plans tonight made you feel pretty good for the night ahead. You scanned the table as everyone seemed to chat with one another about the night ahead, seemingly more excited the more options were thrown onto the table. However, for some reason, you pictured the night ahead, a thought creeped into your head. One thought that you assumed had long since abandoned you.
I wonder what Mingyu’s doing tonight….
🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶So Close Yet So Far🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶
“We’ll be right back!” Joshua called, both him and Jeonghan already out the door. You waved them off, taking the time alone to set up some snacks for your friends when they arrived. The group chat was buzzing with everyone sending texts about their arrival. Hoshi kept spamming the chat with photos, and you smiled at each one came into view.
Prawn-flavored chips.
Ice cream.
Seungkwan’s face.
A blurry picture of Seungkwan’s face.
Hoshi giving a piece sign.
Jihoonie would totally love that last one. You snorted at Minnie’s text as it flashed onto the chat. Both Hoshi and Jihoon frantically began telling her through text that she needed to mind her business, and it only made you laugh harder. As you finished setting up the last of the snacks in bowls, you sat on the couch. Immediately after sitting, your eyes came face to face with the dust-collecting snowglobe on your book shelf. You exhaled. “I’ve been meaning to put those away.” you mumbled to yourself in hopes it would finally give you the motivation to do so. It didn’t. Instead, you were brought back to when Mingyu first gave that to you.
“Wow, how cute!” Mingyu smiled as you took it into your hands, examining it. “Is this the Statue of Liberty inside?”
“Yeah.” he said happily. “It’s much bigger up close.” You laughed a bit, shaking the globe and watching as the fake snow danced around it. “I hope you like it.”
“I love it!” You gasped. “I feel like I’m really there just by looking.” Mingyu smiled a bit as you shook it once again, continuing to circulate the little snow particles inside. “It’s so cute…” you breathed again in excitement.
“Yeah…” Mingyu breathed, looking at your expression brighten the more you shook the globe. He coughed into his hand. “Hey, uhm…I wanted to tell you something.” He said. Your eyes shot up to him, sparkling in excitement as you waited to hear what else he had to say. “Ah.” Mingyu laughed nervously to himself. “I-.”
“Hm?” You cocked an eyebrow.
“...Want to see pictures of Time Square? It’s huge.” When he held up his phone, you gasped, nodding in excitement. Mingyu scooted closer to you, holding out his phone as he began scrolling through the pictures.
A small smile formed on your lips as you remembered the excitement you had as he showed you pictures of New York, telling you stories of him time seeing all of the major buildings in the area. It was fascinating. “He must have wanted to tell me how he felt then, too…” you mumbled to yourself, chuckling a bit at the realization that was just a little bit to late. Eyes fell to the windchime above your balcony entrance, and the same thing: Mingyu gave it to you, tried to confess, yet got cold feet and simply told you about his trip. Again, the smile forming on your face was widening, and you chuckled.
“...I really need to take this stuff down.” you said again, biting your lip. Before you could do last minute spring cleaning, you heard a knock at the door. Thinking it was Minnie or Seungkwan, you hopped up. “Coming!” you called. You picked up your phone, taking a minute to scan through the constant flow of messages to see if one of them said they had already arrived. None did. “Huh.” You pursed your lips, heading to the door anyway. Another knock, and you picked up the pace. “Sorry. Coming!” you called once again.
Reaching forward, your hand gripped the doorknob, turning it and pulling the door towards you. As it swung open, you looked ahead to see a familiar head of long, black hair. A familiar porcelain face and a familiar set of moles decorating that face. Déjà vu raced through your brain, a marathon being ran in a matter of seconds. “Mina?” you finally managed to gasp out.
“Hey.” She smiled softly. “Bad time?”
You stared at Mina in awe for a few seconds. “What…” you felt your breath catch in your throat. “What are you doing here?” You asked. Mina seemed to think of her answer for a second.
“I wanted to talk to you.” She finally chose to say. “Is this a bad time?”
“Uh, yeah.” You said. “My friends are coming over and-.”
“I’ll be quick. I’m sorry. I know I always drop by at the worst time and leave a mess behind.” You felt the sadness in her voice as she said that despite her forcing out a laugh. That only made it more obvious. “Please.” She said.
“…Okay.” You finally said, motioning her inside. Mina nodded, taking her shoes off before padding into the apartment. You motioned her to the couch, where she sat herself down. “Do you want something to drink?”
“Oh, no. It’s okay.” She said. You watched as she looked around from her spot on the couch. Her eyes fell on every Knick-knack and souvenir she could find. “I think this is the first time I’ve actually been in your apartment for as long as I’ve known you.”
“Yeah…” you sat down on the chair, looking at her. “Now, what did you want to talk about?” Mina seemed shocked when you didn’t continue to entertain her with some small talk, but it made her smile.
“Right. I didn’t expect to come in and be treated like a friend after everything.” You watched Mina open up her purse, pulling out a small white envelope and handing it to you. She saw you hesitate, but it only made her push it closer. “It’s not what you think.” She finally said. You took the envelope into your hands, pressing the paper just a bit to see if it would provide a clue as to its contents. “Promise you won’t open it right now.” She said.
“Why?” you asked.
“Just my request...” She said simply. You arched an eyebrow.
“Well, when will I be able to?” you asked. Mina laughed a bit.
“When I leave, if you want.” You scoffed a bit at the vagueness of the response, setting the envelope in your lap. You looked up at Mina again, wondering if that was the end of the conversation. You could hear your phone buzzing on the table. It was only a matter of time before your friends arrived, and you were hoping Mina would be long gone before then. “I want to say one more thing before I go.”
“Okay.” You said simply.
“I’m sorry. Truly.” You had to suppress a laugh, looking away for a minute to collect yourself. “I’m serious. I’m sorry.”
“You had to come all the way here for that? It could have been a text. You said that when this whole thing started. You said it at the party. Yet, you don’t seem that sorry considering you’ve continued forcing Mingyu to live a lie.” Mina nodded.
“I know.” She said. “I’ve tried making the best of our situation. I thought once Mingyu started classes again, and interning with his father at the firm, he would start to feel better about the entire thing. I thought it would take his mind off of…” when she trailed off, you had to chew your bottom lip. Mina sighed before continuing. “But it didn’t work. It only made things worse. I’ve spent this entire two months trying to make everything feel as normal as possible. At every corner, I’ve failed.” She sighed. “But I think I’ve failed from the very beginning. I joined the game midway through and thought I could win. I told myself I wouldn’t cheat, but I snuck myself to the finish line at the very end. And now I feel dirty.”
“You should.” You covered your mouth when those words escaped your lips. Mina looked shocked only for a second, eyes darting up at you. “That wasn’t-.”
“No.” she said quickly. “You’re right. I shouldn’t be proud of how I acted. I told myself I would win Mingyu’s heart fairly. I didn’t want him to be with me for selfish reasons. But when I saw you and him so happy in Jeju, watching him put all of his efforts into you, and knowing that I foolishly chose to help you win, jealousy hit me out of nowhere. I acted brashly and I’m sorry.”
“…It’s nice to know that you’re just as ashamed of your actions as the rest of us were.” You said. “I really thought we were going to be good friends like you promised.”
“I know. I burned that bridge on my own. I’m sorry.”
“But there’s nothing apologizing will do now.” You said. “You did what you did and now you’ve won. Mingyu is yours. He’s chosen you.” Mina chuckled a bit to herself, the comment seeming to hurt her more than you would think. “...Am I wrong?” you asked curiously.
Mina glanced at you. “I…I can’t say.” Mina said simply. “I can only say that my methods weren’t…what I wanted them to be.”
A snort. “If he thinks any of that was true after everything we’ve been through, then he might not have really loved me at all.”
Mina smiled. “You’re all he talks about.” She said. “Even now. Every story I manage to get out of him, or hear him talk about to someone else, is a story that has some connection to you.” Hearing that made you finally go quiet. “I’d be jealous if it wasn’t the only time he smiled recently.”
You leaned back in your seat, finding the right words before you allowed yourself to speak. Was she trying to make amends? Or was she trying to gloat? You felt a weird tingle of guilt course through your veins. “Mina.” You finally said, and she looked over. “I need you to promise me something if you intend to see this marriage through to the end.” Mina watched you get up, walking over to the little snow globe collecting dust on your bookshelf, picking it up and brushing it with your hands. “Promise you’ll be good to him. He’s a good man who doesn’t want people to get hurt. He only gets mad when it’s for those same people that he really cares about.” Mina watched as you passed her the little snow globe. “As you know, he always buys gifts. After a while, when time passed and wounds heal, he’ll probably start buying you gifts. You should act surprised every time, it makes him happy.”
Mina brushed her fingers along the globe as well, a few extra dust particles fluttering down onto the floor as she did so. “You did something selfish but I don’t think you’re inherently bad. He’ll come around one day.”
Mina didn’t believe those words you said for a second, but you didn’t think you believed them either. You just wanted to end the conversation before the lingering feelings began creeping up on you once again. Feelings you long since tried to forget. Déjà vu was a vicious beast, it seemed. Mina finally rose from her spot on the couch, handing you back the snow globe. She watched how delicately you took it into your hands again, smiling down at it briefly before setting it away once more. “I should get going. I’ve held you up long enough. Thank you for talking to me.”
“Sure.” You said softly, walking Mina to the door. You opened it once more, watching as she walked out. She turned to you once more.
“Bye.” She said. You only waved, nodding your head as Mina finally made her way to the elevator. You only watched her depart for a second, before closing the door. Silence reentered the apartment, only the sound of your feet padding against the floor as you picked up the white envelope. You shook your head, opening the side table drawer and sticking it beside the TV remote, slamming it closed. “Yeah, right.” You muttered to yourself. When you felt your eyes begin to water, you walked back over to the snow globe, holding it in your hands. You shook it a few quick times, watching as the snowflakes fluttered around the plastic Statue of Liberty. The memory again flooded your mind and you smiled to yourself.
A loud bang from behind you startled you, your hands jolting up in shock. A scream of shock erupted from your lips and you watched as the snowglobe fell to the floor, the glass shattering around your feet.
“Hey! We are here!” Hoshi called, foot extended outward. He and Jihoon’s hands were filled with bags of snacks, hence his extended foot to open the unlocked door. The duo walked in just as you knelt to the floor. “Hm? Sorry, did I scare you?” Hoshi laughed sheepishly. You did not respond however, your hands frantically picking up the Statue of Liberty. In your rescue attempt, your finger nicked one of the glass shard, and you cursed under your breath.
Jihoon set his bags on the table, walking around the couch to you. “Hey. Are you - oh.” He watched as you looked up, smiling a bit.
“Heh. Sorry.” you said, feeling your eyes water. “You guys scared me.” Jihoon and Hoshi shared an expression, one of pity you couldn’t see behind your watery eyes. However, you did see Hoshi come to you side, resting his head on your shoulder and rubbing your arm as Jihoon knelt down and began picking up all of the glass shards.
🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶So Close Yet So Far🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶
“Try it.”
“No, Jihoon.” Jeonghan said for what felt like the billionth time. He motioned a can to Joshua.
“Jisoo-Hyung?”
Joshua cocked an eyebrow as he looked down at the fallen angel before him. He was holding a beer out in their direction. Jihoon’s smile only got wider as he motioned it closer.
“Absolutely not.” Jihoon scoffed, leaning back in his seat as he cracked the beer open himself. He pouted a bit, putting the drink to his lips and taking a sip.
“I’m going to need eternal drinking buddies! Come on. It’s not that bad.”
“No.” The duo said again. When Jihoon tried to encourage them again, they both responded by sticking pizza into their mouths to avoid the conversation. It made you laugh a bit.
“You have plenty of drinking buddies right here.” You said, patting Hoshi on the shoulder. He set his beer down, already red in the face as he looked up at you. “Right, Hoshi?”
“Aaah, yeah.” He smiled, completely unaware of what you were even talking about. Jihoon immediately leaned forward, handing him a water. “Aaaah, for me? Awwwww, Wooziiiiiii.” He giggled, and Jihoon couldn’t hold back his amused smirk.
“Take it, dummy.” He said. It took a second, but Hoshi popped open the bottle and took a long sip, which you saw finally relaxed Jihoon. The night had been pretty eventual so far, the group eating and drinking the night away as they chatted about anything and everything. Studying, the reason for the late-night visit in the first place, was put on the back burner for loud laughter and snacking. It was much better this way. The current event was watching a very drunk Hoshi and an almost as drunk Seungkwan encourage the entire group to play a game of ‘Hongsam’.
“Not when you’re that drunk.” Minnie said, grinning behind the head of her bottle. Hoshi shot up.
“Yes Hongsam.” He sang, wiggling his hips.
“Everybody Hongsam.” Seungkwan stood up and did the same thing, hoping it would encourage the group to join in. However, when he noticed he was the only one doing it, he blinked. “Hey now….” And the room erupted into laughter.
“Absolutely not.” You said behind laughter, sipping your beer.
“It kind of looks like fun.” Joshua said.
“Then you play.” You grinned. Joshua smiled at you as you took another sip, letting out a deep sigh. “Man, it’s hot in here. I’m going to get some fresh air.”
The idea of you leaving the area perked Joshua’s ears to that instead, forgetting the game even existed. “I’ll come too.” Joshua said quickly, following you out the door. Jeonghan’s eyes, which were amused watching the drunk duo goof off, shot to Joshua as he watched his friend follow behind you, opening the door to the balcony and allowing you to step out first. He didn’t even look back, instead just closing the door behind the both of you.
“It’s about time.” Minnie said, making Jeonghan look over.
“What?”
“With Mingyu out of the picture, I was waiting for the moment Joshua would finally grow a pair and confess. Seungkwan owes me ten dollars!”
“I do not! I do not bet with the likes of you.” Jeonghan bit his lip as the room continued to fill with playful banter, his eyes locked on the balcony. He could only see the both of you a bit, the curtain blocking most of his view. Jihoon noticed the angel’s sudden change in demeanor.
“You sure you don’t want that drink?” he asked only more time, but only got an annoyed glance in response. “Okay…”
🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶So Close Yet So Far🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶
“I thought you were going to play Hongsam.” You said, looking to Joshua as he joined you outside. He rested his elbows against the balcony.
“I’m not going to be the only one entertaining those two.” He joked, and you had to laugh a bit. You looked down at the world below from your balcony, before taking another swig of your drink. “Besides, it’s nicer out here.” Joshua glanced to your hand which Hoshi and Jihoon had bandaged after your cut. “Are you okay?”
“Hm?” you looked down at your bandage, a bit of dried blood poking through. “Oh, yeah.” You assured. Maybe it was the drinks, but guilt began bubbling deep into your chest as you spoke up once more. “Joshua. I’m sorry I messed everything up.”
“What?” Joshua looked over at you.
“I couldn’t get you guys back into heaven. Now, you’re both stuck here until I get with Mingyu. That’ll never happen now.” You let out a dry laugh, and Joshua frowned.
“We’re the ones that knew the risk from the beginning. Don’t blame yourself. We could have done more, too.” He sighed. “I could have.”
“But still-.”
“I said don’t blame yourself. Jeonghan wouldn’t want you to, either.”
“Okay.” You sighed, defeated. Joshua watched as you finished your beer, setting it down on the floor of the balcony. Your elbows loosened, allowing your hands to dangle a bit over the balcony, eyes staring straight ahead. “Are you guys going to live here forever?”
“Do you want us to?” he grinned a bit when he heard you laugh.
“It definitely is less lonely with you two here. But we’ll have to actually invest in nicer beds and maybe more space.” Joshua was now that one to laugh. “Let’s go house hunting.”
“That means we’ll need jobs.” Joshua sighed. “I never thought an angel like me would be sending out job applications on earth.” You smiled as Joshua playfully dropped his head loose on his neck. “Oh, how the mighty fall.”
“For someone who calls Jeonghan dramatic, you’re really dramatic.” Both of you shared a laugh in the cool night air. Joshua glanced over at you one more time. He bit his lip for a second, before finding himself unable to hold back as he asked you a very important question.
“Can I hold your hand?” Confused and stunned expressions led him to clarify. “I want to see my symbol…”
“Oh.” You laughed nervously, turning to him. Joshua watched you extend your hand to him, which he gently took into his own. He stared at it for a minute, as if he was thinking. It made you smile. “Did you forget how to do it?” you asked playfully.
“Heh. No.” He assured. His thumb rubbed over the back of your hand for a second, before he finally closed his eyes. He felt what little angel power he had in his body to summon the contract seal. Is it even there? He thought to himself. If it’s not, there is absolutely no going back. One of his eyes popped open, studying your expression. You were looking back out at the skyline as you waited. The moonlight sparkled along your features, your eyes dancing along to the stars in the sky, studying each one. He felt himself grip your hand a bit tighter when you smiled, seemingly catching a constellation in your sights. I won’t be able to go back. If it’s not there, if it’s red, I’ll use this as a chance to tell her-.
“Uh…Joshua…” the nervousness in your voice made Joshua’s eyes pop open, his cheeks flushed as he tried to pull himself from his thoughts. So much for his chance, he was to flustered now. He followed your gaze, your wide and curious eyes now staring directly at your hand. His eyes followed, and immediately, he saw the little check floating above your hand. “It’s….”
“It’s white.” He breathed out, a mix of relief and shock. Immediately, the both of you looked up at each other, eyes wide. Joshua gripped your hand, looking down at it once again. “It’s white! It’s white again!”
“What does that mean?!” You shouted.
Both of you went silent, turning back to the living room. Joshua wasted no time fling the balcony door open, the loud thud of the large door crashing against its hold startling the entire crew.
“JEONGHAN!” You both shouted, making him immediately hop out of his seat.
🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶So Close Yet So Far🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶
“I’m home.” The sound of the sink running in the kitchen signals for Mina to make her way down the hall. She heads that way after taking her shoes off. When she pokes her head in, Mingyu only looks in her direction. “Hey.” She smiled sweetly.
“Hey.” He points to the fridge. “I saved some of my lunch, if you’re hungry.”
“Ah.” Mina smiled a bit. “Thank you. That’s thoughtful.” Mingyu nodded, turning back to the sink to finish with some of the dishes he had started with. Mina rested against the door frame, watching his back silently. “Mingyu.” She said, but he only hummed. “Remember when we went to the cherry blossom festival in the spring?”
Mingyu nodded his head, not once looking up from the bowl he was scrubbing. “With my friends? Yes.” He said. Mina nodded.
“Would you want to go again next spring?” Mingyu shrugged at the question.
“Maybe.” He said. Mina nodded. Mingyu then stopped the dishes, finally looking back in her direction. She instinctively stood up straight. “Oh.” He motioned to the kitchen table in the corner by their bay window. “I took the liberty of skimming through some of these when I got the mail. I was curious.” He picked one up, flipping through it casually before turning the page in her direction. Her eyes followed his finger as he tapped on a set of beautiful Christmas flowers. “These are nice.”
Mina felt her heart speed up, eyes sparkling. He’ll come around. “You think so?!” She asked. Mingyu nodded, and Mina looked at the burgundy red flowers nestled in beautiful green leaves. The wintery background of the picture only enhanced the Christmassy vibes of the flowers. Mingyu turned the page back to him, smiling a bit to himself as he nodded.
“I’ve really fallen in love with this color in the past year…” he said. Mina’s smile dropped as Mingyu set the magazine down on the table, making his way back over to the counters. Mina watched him grab a sponge and start to wipe some of the counters down. She looked over at the flowers once more, trying to recall where she had seen that color before. The more she thought about it, the more images flashed into her brain.
“She does look so pretty in that dress.” Mina whispered to herself.
“What?” Mingyu looked over, eyebrows furrowed together as he tried to figure out what she was whispering about. He saw Mina closed the magazine and set it back down, an obvious look of discomfort on her face. “Hm? Are you okay?” Mina walked over to Mingyu without an answer, taking his hands tightly. He dropped the sponge that was in his hands, glancing down at it for a second. “Hey.”
“Let’s go on a trip.” She said quickly. Mingyu arched an eyebrow, but Mina was already dragging Mingyu out the door, slipping on the fastest pair of shoes they could as they made their way to his car in the garage.
The drive was quiet, but not in a way Mingyu had found himself used to in the past. Mina looked out the window the entire trip, hands in her lap as she gripped her pocket book. Mingyu sighed, running a hand through his hair as he turned the next corner.
“She really did think she was talking to you.” Mina said, the sudden sound of her voice causing Mingyu to look over at her. She turned to him. “At the beach house.”
“Ah….” he nodded. Mina sighed.
“I was right on the balcony. I saw it all. Jeonghan came to get her, and she said goodbye to Mingyu.” Mingyu gripped the wheel.
“Why are you telling me now?” he asked curiously.
“I thought you should know.” she said simply. “I know it really hurt you, and her. Not only that, but it hurt Joshua. He didn’t do anything wrong. I was jealous.” Mingyu nodded his head.
“Thank you.” he said. Mina smiled a bit, looking down at her pocketbook. She admired the cherry blossom keychain that jingled with every bump Mingyu hit on the drive, and she took it gently into her hands.
“How cute! Thank you Mingyu!”
“I figured you’d like it since you seemed to enjoy the festival.”
“I didn’t buy you a gift.”
“Don’t worry. It’s from friend to friend. Thank you for being so cool with everything at breakfast.”
�� “No problem…”
“I’m hoping next year I’ll be able to take my friend to the festival. We can go together. She’s been telling me how badly she’d love to see them in person.”
As Mingyu pulled up in the driveway of his father’s home, Mina was relieved to see her father’s car also there. Mingyu slowed the car in the driveway, and when it came to a stop, Mina was already out of the car. He watched her speed walk up the driveway, bag gripped tightly in her hands. Mingyu slipped out of the car as well, beeping it to ensure it was locked before following after her. “Mina!” He called, but there was no answer.
Mina walked past every single worker in the house as they greeted her, Mingyu quickly following behind and saying his own greeting to them followed by a frantic slew of ‘sorry’. “Mina.” He called again. “What are you doing?” He was horribly confused to what had her locked and loaded right as they pulled into the driveway. However, when he saw Mina turn down a very familiar corridor with a very familiar set of doors at the end of the hall, Mingyu felt dread in his stomach. “Mina.” He called again, but it was too late.
Mina swung the doors of the office open, alerting both her father and his own. Mingyu hurried behind her, finally alerting her attention to him for a second. “What are you doing?” he asked. She only offered him a smile, before turning to her and Mingyu’s fathers.
“What’s the problem, honey?” her father asked, standing up from his spot.
“Father.” She took a deep breath. “I’d like to end my engagement.”
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#seventeen fanfic#seventeen#seventeen x reader#seventeen fluff#seventeen reader insert#scoups#seungcheol#jeonghan#joshua hong#hong jisoo#junhui#jun#woozi#jihoon#hoshi#soonyoung#wonwoo#dokyeom#seokmin#minghao#the8#myungho#mingyu#kim mingyu#mingyu xreader#mingyu fluff#mingyu imagine#seungkwan#vernon hansol chwe#vernon
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High Cheng MASTERLIST - Xu Minghao x Reader StonerAU (On-Going)
What happens when you get dragged to your best friends boyfriends party and end up getting high with a hot stranger, whom you got along with very well, only to realise the next day, you never got his name?
PLEASE READ AUTHORS NOTE
Feedback/Constructive Criticism/Concerns can be given VIA comments, email ([email protected]), or private messages.
Read Chapter One: All Big Parties Suck
Read Chapter Two: A Smoking (hot) Stranger
Read Chapter Three: A Cry Fest
A/N: Please give me feedback on my writing! Two more chapters are posted (as of 23rd Feb 2024) however, the story is on-going.
This book is still in the works, and I desperately want to finish it this year. However, I'd like to make everyone aware of three issues. a) There are only three chapters published right now as I want to receive feedback from my audience on my writing style and plot building. Despite having been writing for many years, I am not confident in the style that I use for my stories and would appreciate constructive critique to help me improve future chapters. After a month of posting the chapters, further content will be added throughout this trail, I will collect the feedback, delete this section of my disclaimer, and apply my audience's feedback. Second, I am in my final year of school, therefore school comes first. Furthermore, my weekly schedule is extremely hectic, so many of these will be written during my rare free time or at times when most people are sleeping (don't worry, I will prioritise my health). Finally, this book covers mature issues like as drug usage, smoking, alcohol use, cheating, references to SA, and more. These will all be addressed at the start of the chapter so that you are aware in case triggers arise. Furthermore, I have never used drugs or any of the other topics discussed in this book, so I apologise if anything is incorrect.
Feedback/Constructive Criticism/Concerns can be given VIA comments, email ([email protected]), or private messages.
#seventeen x reader#xu minghao#joshua#svt x reader#svt#svt fluff#seventeen#kpop#xreader#nayeon#twice#fanfic#hongjisoo#hong joshua#wonwoo#mingyu#vernon#hoshi#jeonghan#seungkwan#choi seungcheol#junhui#dino#woozi#kwon soonyoung#lee chan#lee jihon#dokyeom#dk#svt dk
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‘ SECRECY (with you) ’ xmh x reader
a short prompt/headcannon (´◡`)
-your brother vernon, has bought over his good looking best friend after almost a year, finally. you were starting to miss his angelic face, according to your thoughts-
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
the moment he entered, you felt your heart light up. minghao is finally back in you and your brother's abode. only the heavens know how much you missed that angelic face of his. you smiled at him as soon as he entered and he did the same. your brother was oblivious to the exchange and went straight to the kitchen, “i'll cook us food. what would you two like?” and when minghao was about to answer vernon, you protested, “i'll cook... please?” vernon, however, raised a brow at you.
“you have never cooked in your life.” this made you turn away from him as he still looked at you questionably, “yeah, but, you know, i saw this cooking asmr on youtube and i wanted to give it a try.” “do you want to poison minghao? or maybe me?” you looked at vernon, offended by what he said and before you could go and attack him without a word, minghao spoke up, “it's fine with me. i'd love to taste your cooking.” he said and pet your head- even sneaking a wink at you.
“well, if it's fine with you, bro.” you frowned at vernon and cursed with your eyes. “i'm gonna burn it on purpose and give it to you.” and minghao laughed at your statement.
you were left there blushing while vernon and minghao went up to the former's bedroom.
currently, you are in the kitchen, trying your best to follow the cooking asmr (it has ingredients and measurements) and struggling is an understatement. the amount of flour on the kitchen countertop just to make youtiao, for what? to impress minghao.
you were about to give up and just order out when you heard someone come down. you looked back and saw minghao smiling softly at you.
after making sure your brother is still in his room, you immediately ran to minghao's arms, hugging him tightly while his left arm rests at your back and his right arms caressing your head.
“i missed you so much, haohao.” you said with a pout and he kissed the top of your head, “i missed you too, love.” that made you smile and melt. you looked up at him with puckered lips and he giggled before leaning down to give you a quick smooch.
“what were you making, pretty?” he asked as he started to put away baby hairs from your face. you looked back at the kitchen then back at him, “well, i tried to make youtiao for you but...” and with a laugh, minghao wiped your face, “no wonder why you have flour on your face.” you smiled at his laugh; oh how much you missed that.
“but baby, i don't think your brother would like youtiao.” you rolled your eyes and went back to make youtiao, “i don't care. i'm making this for you, not him.” you heard minghao laughing behind you as you start making the chinese snack again.
you thought he went upstairs to vernon's room again because of the silence until you felt a pair of arms slowly wrap around your waist and feel a head bury itself on your shoulder. you couldn't help but smile at his gesture.
when you felt his head lift and his chin on your shoulder blades, your hands suddenly moved on its own, wiping flour on minghao's face.
the look on both of your faces when the two of you were processing what just happened was like looking into a mirror; eyes wide. you were frozen there until you felt a finger wiping flour on your face as well.
and the battle commenced, the other trying to wipe more flour on the other's face. the kitchen had never been filled with laughter like the two of you are doing now. it was really lively, full of smiles, laughter, and flour.
the kitchen is so messy but who cares, right? well, vernon, apparently, “what the fuck is going on?” the two of you froze on the spot and comically looked at vernon who's face looked terrified.
“i'm gonna question later why the two of you are so close with each other but why is the kitchen in a hot mess?” he asked, ignoring the fact that the two of you are hugging at the moment. you two pulled away from each other faster than lightning.
“sorry, nonnie. i'll clean it up later.” you said timidly, “i'll help, vernon.” vernon nodded, “we'll talk after you guys finish cleaning. i was wondering why minghao was taking so long at the bathroom.” vernon walked away, mumbling the last sentence. the two of you looked at each other and laughed before you started cleaning.
let's just say that vernon was shocked to find out the two of you were dating and started to list to minghao the things you like and don't like. minghao was internally taking notes while you try your best to stop vernon from talking too much and accidentally say something.
YAYYYY WE'RE DONEEEEEE \(@^0^@)/
i hope you liked this short prompt, it's my first time ＞﹏＜ you can leave replies for any tips you can give. stay hydrated everyone!!!!
#seventeen#kpop#minghao#minghaoxreader#xreader#seventeen fluff#the8#svt#seventeen minghao#xuminghao#seventeen the8#svt the8#svt minghao#seventeen x reader#seventeenxreader#minghao x reader
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The Mafia Boss ~ Chapter seventeen
Y/n's POV
It was about nine in the evening, I was sat in Sunghoon's bedroom reading a book quietly, tucked under the covers. He then walks in, grabbing his leather jacket.
"Babe, you okay?" I question, watching him walk around the room.
"I need to go out, I'm taking Jay with me." He said.
"Okay, anything I can help with?" I offer. He sighs and sits on the end on the bed.
"I'm going to meet Lia. She was the one who sent that letter." He confesses.
"The one from this morning?" I recall.
"Yeah that one." He mumbles.
"Why didn't you tell me there and then? Was it cause Bea was there?" I ask.
"No, I thought you would worry too much so I lied. Don't worry the guys, especially Jungwon, have spoke to me about it. I'm sorry my love." He answers.
"Am I happy you lied, no, but I understand why. What did the guys say?" I question.
"Jungwon got angry and left after his mini speech, but they basically said that I shouldn't lie or hide anything from you and that I should tell Bea more stuff in case something were to ever happen." He tells me.
"I agree with them. You shouldn't keep me in the dark, its why I left in the first place. And with Bea, I know you just keep her safe, its your job as an older brother, but maybe your doing it a bit too much. She needs to know the dangers of her brother being a mafia boss, who are good or who are bad, what happens if you or any of the guys come home hurt, she'd panic a lot." I tell him.
"I know, I'll do better my love." He said softly.
I slip out the covers and sit next to him, I turn his head to me and kiss his lip sweetly. He places his hands on my cheeks, holding my head in place. We kiss sweetly for a minute before pulling away.
"I love you Sunghoon. I'm not leaving again." I tell him. He smiles and kisses my cheek.
"I love you too my Queen~" He said sweetly.
"No go out and deal with this fake bitch. I'm expecting you and Jay home in once piece!" I exclaim, making him laugh.
"I promise." He said.
I kiss his cheek as he gets up and leave. I want him and Jay home in once piece, I hope nothing bad happens.
#kpop#au#mafia#enhypen#kpop fanfic#kpop au#enhypen au#enhypen fanfic#sunghoon#sunghoon x reader#park sunghoon#park sunghoon x reader#mafia sunghoon#ocs#female reader#xreader#chapter seventeen
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✨✨
About Me
23 / ENFJ
Writer / Craftist / Music Enthusiast /
ATEEZ / Stray Kids / Seventeen / BTS / MAMAMOO / TXT / KARD
Naruto / Black Clover / Demon Slayer / Tokyo Revengers / Jujutsu Kaisen / Hikyuu / Attack on Titan / My Hero Academia
Ko-Fi : kkallyya
✨✨
Welcome to my main Masterlist!
This is where you can find any and all of fan fictions. They range from all kinds of fandoms. I even have a few more in the works! These are my most popular ones so far. Some are complete and some are still on-going. Be sure to give them well deserved likes!
NSFW will be posted here as well. They will be labeled. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. Please be mindful. It is appreciated.
Request: Open
I am taking requests should you want one. My requests are currently open! I am open to a large number of fandoms and if I have no clue what it is you are in I will either try my best to write the story you want or just tell you I am not in said fandom.
Please keep in mind that I write either OC or reader stories. If you want to see your OC in the story feel free to tell me all about them! I love hearing them. If not you can request xreader.
Permanent Taglist Request
✨✨
FICS
OUTLAW
ATEEZ poly!ot8 x Reader (ongoing) ✨ Wild west!au , non-idol!au
Stay Alive
BTS poly!ot7 x Reader (ongoing) ✨ magical creatures!au , non-idol!au
1K Followers / Tarot Card Event
Stray Kids, ATEEZ, Together x Tomorrow x Readers ✨ For my 1k followers event! , all kinds of AUs, smut, fluff, angst, Tarot Card reading along with a story!
2K Followers / Disney Prince Event
ATEEZ ✨ For my 2k followers event!, Disney Princess stories retold by me, fluff mostly, different AUs, plot twists,
IMAGINES
The Thoughts of a Lover ✨ (Yungi Soulmate!AU) NSFW (mdni), soulamte au, mxm,
This Isn’t Grey’s Anatomy’s ✨ (Seungmin x Reader) NSFW (mdni), idol!au , hospital!au ,
Greed ✨ (ATEEZ OT8 x Reader) NSFW (mdni) fallen angel!au, church!au, Secret Santa Event, non-idol!au,
Kiss A Girl ✨ (Bang Chan x Reader) Idol!au, foreigner!reader
Who's Your Daddy? ✨ (Yunho x Reader) NSFW (mdni), Idol!au, Give Me Some Sugar Event,
BDE ✨ (WooSanSang) NSFW (mdni), idol!au, background Poly ATEEZ!au, foursome,
Twin Flames✨ (Seonghwa x Reader) Vampire!Seognhwa, Original Story, Secret Admirer Event, Witch!Reader
Affiliated Networks
@cultofdionysusnet ✨ Specializes in: ATEEZ, TXT, Stray Kids
@pirateeznet ✨ Specializes in: ATEEZ
@wonderlandnet ✨ Specializes in: ATEEZ
@cromernet ✨ Specializes in: ATEEZ
@skzstarnet ✨ Specializes in: Stray Kids
@k-vanity ✨ Specializes in: K-pop Groups
@monsterfvckersunited ✨ Specializes in: Monster K-pop Stories
@k-labels ✨ Specializes in: K-pop Groups
Righteous
Reiner Braun x Reader ✨ Soulmate!au , Season 4 : Episode 3 spoilers, short story
Wattpad Link
IMAGINES
Gaara x Gn!Reader ✨ Gaara thinks about a family now that he has Shinki
Tomioka Giyuu x Ubayashiki!Reader ✨ alpha/beta/omega!au ,
#original works#wattpadbooks#anime fanfiction#kpop fanfic#ateez#ateez fanfic#anime#bts fanfic#bts fanfction#bts fantasy au#ateez fantasy au#attack on titan#vox machina#fandoms#fandom culture#multi fandom blog#multifandom artist#requests are open#request#writing requests#anime imagines#anime smut#kpop imagines#kpop x reader#anime x reader#anime x y/n#anime x you#kpop x y/n#kpop x you
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୨ dni ୧
homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, islamophobic, etc. misogynistic. racist, sexist, ableist, discrimination, etc. invalidates a person's pronouns/gender/identity. pedophiles, sexualizes minors, jokes about r@pe, anti xreader, antishifters, anti respawners/permashifters, anyone under seventeen, blank/ageless blogs, you say slurs you can't reclaim, close minded, pro-shippers, overly problematic, overly sensitive, zionist, antishifters, anti south park, rude, misgender people on purpose, supports, participates, tolerates, or justify any of the above.
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if ur thots are open I feel the need to spread my on pussy spanker hao and shua I feel like they'll be so mean or I'm just horny atp
(ps. Idk if this is over your guidelines because I didn't see anything about it but have a good day)
a/n. smut (18+), ugh yes hao and shua are secretly super super mean ... i wrote abt pussy slapper hao here so >_< let's talk abt pussy slapper shua ...
his eyes crinkle up into that mean look, your legs kicked up and over his shoulders so he's perfectly settled between your legs. "'shua," you call out to him softly, voice barely above a whisper.
"what is it baby?" he croons in a sickeningly sweet voice, hot breath falling on your pretty, soaked folds.
a soft huff falls from your lips as you whine, "gimme something ... please 'shua ..." and then you feel it—the hot, sharp sting and then a blooming ache spreading through your core as your cunt throbs for more.
"gettin' impatient?" joshua asks condescendingly, raising a brow at you as your hips buck up in search for some, for any friction. there it is again, his hand cracking down on your clit as you moan out his name. he chuckles lowly, rubbing his fingers through your slick folds. "can't believe this is turning you on ... not much of a punishment if you're enjoyin' this as much as you are ..." his voice trails of as you look up at him with pleading eyes. "maybe i should stop ..." he thinks aloud, starting to lift himself up from between your legs.
your eyes widen and your hand shoots out to grab his shoulder, holding him down. "joshie ... please," you mumble, nearly on the verge of tears from how your cunt aches to just feel something. and holy shit, joshua can't hold himself back when you say his nickname so sweetly, his pupils dilating at just the sound itself.
letting himself fall back down between your legs, he lets out a heavy sigh. "alright pretty girl," he murmurs. "but you gotta be good for me, can you do that?"
"yes!" you agree, eagerly nodding your head. "'m gonna be your good girl."
"there she is," joshua praises, bringing one hand to rest gingerly over your folds. "can my good girl count for me?"
"y—ah!" you moan when his hand smacks your cunt.
"mm, that doesn't sound like a number to me baby," he chides, and heat rushes to your face.
"o-one," you say quickly.
"atta girl."
#seventeen joshua#joshua smut#joshua x you#joshua x reader#hong jisoo xreader#hong jisoo x reader#hong jisoo#svt smut#seventeen scenarios#svt scenarios#svt reactions#seungcheol x reader#seventeen smut#💌 drabbles
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- update on ‘You’re losing me.’ p2.
* I didn’t think it’d get almost 200 hearts :’) thank you!! I’ve seen some mixed reaction/suggestions so.. please if you see this vote :)
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imagination : masterlist
social media au! uni au!
imagination : the faculty or action of forming new ideas, or images or concepts of external objects not present to the senses.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
summary : what happens when you see the guy you’ve been dreaming about standing right infront of you ?
pairing : jeonghan x reader , potentially will have more pairings
warnings : swearing, drinking, angst, crack
started : may 12, 2021
finished : ???
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
profile 1 , profile 2 , profile 3
prologue 1 , prologue 2
chapter 1 : morning after
chapter 2 : coffee shop
chapter 3 : gyu’s buying lunch?
chapter 4 : waiting game
chapter 5 : delusional
chapter 6 : pre festival
chapter 7 : cute girl from the crowd
chapter 8 : i just got scammed
chapter 9 : stupid fucking dinosaur
chapter 10.1 : let’s go a date… boba date
chapter 10.2 : boba date pt 2
chapter 11 : dino, seungkwan, sana live tweeting news!
chapter 12 : library buddy
chapter 13 : ???
chapter 14 : ???
chapter 15 : ???
#seventeen#seventeen social media au#svt#svt smau#social media au#fan fic#ff#xreader#y/n#jeonghan imagine#wonwoo#mingyu#seungcheol#vernon#seungkwan#dokyeom#joshua#jeonghan#woozi#dino#hoshi#minghao#jun
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High Cheng - Xu Minghao x Reader StonerAU (On-Going) Chapter Three
What happens when you get dragged to your best friends boyfriends party and end up getting high with a hot stranger, whom you got along with very well, only to realise the next day, you never got his name?
PLEASE READ AUTHORS NOTE AT THE END
Feedback/Constructive Criticism/Concerns can be given VIA comments, email ([email protected]), or private messages.
Read Chapter One: All Big Parties Suck
Read Chapter Two: A Smoking (hot) Stranger
CHAPTER THREE: A Cry Fest
MASTERLIST
DISCLAIMER: Drug Usage, College Party, Mentions of SA, Mentions of Cheating/Being Cheated On, Smoking
"You know what, sure. I'll take some hits from your joint."
"Cool." He takes one more hit before passing the half smoked joint towards me. I reach to grab it when he says "Nah uh, take a hit from my hands. It'll ease you back in better."
Yeah right. Definitely not how that works but, screw it. I take a hit and let the affects take over me.
"This shit is good! This the stronger stuff?"
"Mhm, I normally smoke the usual, but I needed something stronger to get me through this shithole of a party." He replies, taking another hit before offering me another.
"Yeah, I get that."
"Why'd you come anyways?" I take another hit. "Not that it's a bad thing. It's just like, you don't seem to know anyone here, and I have no idea who you are. You don't seem like the type to crash parties on the regular."
"You'd be right." I say as I exhale the smoke in my lungs watching him take another hit. "I was dragged here by my best friend. Her boyfriend's here since his old roommate is the one hosting and she wanted me to be here in case something happened. But after meeting this old roommate, she saw her boyfriend and I didn't feel like being a third wheel the whole time."
"Chai? I had no idea he had a new girlfriend"
"You know him?"
"Of course I do, I mean Shua's not his only ex-roommate."
"Oh, yeah right! I forgot you live here... and that this is your room." Gosh, I'm an idiot at some points.
"Yeah, this is my room. Speaking of my room. Whats the real reason you were in here?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, why were you crying?" he asks. Fuck. So he saw that.
"I wasn't crying!" I say defensively. As long as he didn't see what happened with the asshole Jack.
"Sure you weren't." He takes another hit, the roll shrinking as it burns more and more by the second. "Then explain the obvious tear stains on your face."
I remain silent, unsure if I should talk about it so freely.
"Look, you don't have to talk about it if you don't wanna. But I'm just saying, ranting to a stranger helps out more than you think. And I like to think I'm a good listener. But if you don't wanna, that's fine. We can chat about whatever you want to. Plus we're both high, it's not like the conversations gonna go boring."
"It's just that..." I pause, worried that if I continue to talk I might start to cry again.
"Hey!" He moves closer to me, moving his hand to lightly grab my chin, moving my face to stare at him. "It's okay to not feel okay. It's perfectly fine if things affect you, a lot of things will affect everyone. It doesn't make you less of a person for letting your emotions out. It does however stunt yourself from growing into a stronger person if you hold all that emotion in until it bottles up and explodes."
My heart feels like it going a million miles an hour. His touch, his words, the smell of the smoke wafting around, the buzz I'm feeling from said smoke. It's getting to be too much. But, he makes me feel safe. This total stranger, someone I've never met, someone who's balcony I am sitting in, someone who's sharing their joint with me, someone who is so willingly letting me rant to him about my problems without any judgement or butting in, just listens. Someone who finally makes me feel safe.
"Okay."
"Huh?" He removes his hand from my chin, my skin tingling, missing the feeling of his touch.
"I'll talk about it with you."
"Good, it'll help you, trust me."
"I do. Despite you being a total stranger."
He laughs a little in agreement before quieting down taking another joint out of his little container, lighting it and then offering me the first hit. I take the hit and exhale as I prep myself for the story about to come.
Time Skip: Y/N explaining the whole situation between Jack (A/N: I am not re-writing that whole section)
"So, yeah. That's how I ended up in your room. Which I am still very sorry for barging in by the way."
"No! No no, it's all good. I'm glad you found an empty room and didn't leave. If you left I wouldn't have a new smoking buddy."
I laugh a little, then I laugh even more. And suddenly I'm crying again. I can feel the tears falling down my face at a rapid pace, the snot running from my nose. The emotions finally overflowing from the metaphorical bottle that I've been stuffing my problems in to.
"Woah, woah! Hey. Hey! Look at me." I look up at him, the tears still pouring. "It's okay, don't worry. I'm here." He gets off his bean bag and moves to sit on mine, moving his arms to wrap around me, providing much more comfort than I ever thought a person could give. "You wanna know something?" I nod in a small motion, trying to stop myself from crying more. "You are who you are because of these tough matters in your life. Everything that Jack guy said is not true. Especially if you believe it not to be. You are who you choose to be. And from the little time we have spent together, you have chosen to be everything thats right in this world. We aren't perfect, and that's okay. We shouldn't have to be. What that asshole said to you has nothing to do with the way you dress, your smile, or your personality. And it is absolutely not your fault." He tightens his hold on me and I move closer to his chest, burying me face into his shirt.
"Thank you." I mumble into his chest.
He pulls away from the embrace, my body missing the way he held me. He moves to once again grab my chin, moving my face so that we maintain eye contact. "Any time. And I mean that. I know we met not long ago, and I know that you might not feel comfortable with me. But I want you to know I truly care for you. From the bottom of my heart. And I hope we can become friends in the future." He says, using his thumb to wipe away the tears remaining on my face.
"Me too. I don't know why, but I feel safe with you. From the minute we met. I just felt safe with you."
"I'm glad. You know, maybe we should stop being strangers?"
"Hmm? What do you mean?"
"I mean, lets introduce ourselves." He moves to no longer face my directly, still sharing the bean bag with me. "I live here. Obviously. I'm roommates with Joshua which I assume you've already met."
"Oh, yeah, Bible Boy? We meet not too long ago."
He laughs. "Bible boy? Gosh I didn't realise that name would stick. I told him to stop carrying a bible with him everywhere around the campus."
"Wait? He actually carried one with him everywhere? I thought it was just some stupid joke."
"Nope! He claimed he had to have it around him because he lecturer for bible and religious studies would pop up out of nowhere and if he saw any of his studies without a bible, they would automatically fail the class."
"Shit, did he keep up with it the whole course?"
"Nah, he dropped out half way through. Claims it was like he was studying to enter a cult, something along the lines of how it isn't actually teaching about religion or spiritualities but more some cult work shit."
"Mmmm."
"Enough about Shua! What about you?"
"Well... I feel like you know a fair chunk about me already."
"I guess but not really. I mean, what courses are you in?"
"I'm going for a major in psychology with a minor in medicinal biology. So stuff like psychological analysis of the human brain. I wanna be a neuroscientist but that probably not gonna happen." (A/N: Feel free to change this to fit you better, I've just put this here as something.)
"I feel like you could. You just gotta try."
"I just realised, I never got your name."
"Oh, yeah. That's kinda important to break the fact we are strangers."
We both laugh.
"I'm Ming-"
The stranger gets cut off by the door slamming open. We both turn our heads and see Nayeon, her face red from what I can assume is her trying to rub away the tears that are continuing to fall down her face, her once tan body now pale.
"N/N? I'm sorry if you're with a guy or something, but can we please go." she says in a timid yet loud enough for us to hear her from the balcony.
The stranger and I get off the bean bag and hurriedly make our way over the the disheveled Nayeon.
"Oh my god! Are you okay? What happened?" I quickly move closer to her to embrace her in a tight hug. Her tears start to fall even quicker, her sobs getting louder as she cries into my shoulder.
"He cheated on me."
"What? Who? Chai?"
"Yeah. I went to grab us a refill of our drinks and got caught up chatting with an old friend I saw there." She takes a deep breath, trying to control her tears, however it doesn't work as she starts to sob once again, unable to continue her sentence. I look over to see the hot half-stranger looking around for tissues. He finds a box and hands them to me. I pull a few out and wipe away her tears as he motions for me to move her to the bed, letting her feel more comfortable. I smile weakly, silently thanking him for being so kind towards us, despite us now both having barged into his room. I move her towards the bed, letting her sit down.
"It's okay, take your time." I say reassuringly.
She takes another deep breath. "I was chatting with my friend when I realised 10 minutes had already gone by, so I excused myself and made my way back to him. When... When." I rub her back, in hopes of providing comfort. "When I see these two girls all over him. At first I was expecting him to push them away. But then he didn't and I couldn't move. Instead I just stayed there frozen, listening in. And then.. he... they... They asked him to have some fun with him... and he agreed...he kissed them, touching them all over, saying they couldn't do it right now because his 'clingy girlfriend' was still here. Then he said he would try and get me to leave so that they could continue sooner."
The room was quiet after that.
"I'm gonna to hurt him." A voice broke the silence. The stranger's voice to be exact.
Nayeon looks at me, still shaken up by the previously explained situation, however now slightly confused by this man defending her.
"I just met him today, he is a good person, trust me." I whisper to her, not quite wanting to explain everything that went down.
"I swear, I'll hurt that son of a bitch." The stranger continues about to barge out of the door.
I let go of Nayeon to quickly grab onto the stranger, stopping him from moving further.
"No need."
"Why? He's clearly hurt your friend and-"
"You won't need to because the second you get down those stairs, he will already be dead. By my fucking hands. That asshole!"
"No! Please N/N, can we just leave? I don't wanna create a whole thing about it."
I look at her. The pain in her soul showing through her entire body. She's right. I should just take her home.
"I'll drive both of you." the stranger offers.
"You can't, we were both smoking."
"I'll order you both an Uber."
"There's no-"
"No. I will order you both an Uber home. It's the least I can do... You both haven't had the best experience at this party and it's my duty to make sure the guests are treated well considering it's my house."
"Thank you."
We all walk downstairs, the stranger getting us an Uber as I tell him the address to Nayeon's house.
The Uber thankfully arrives quickly so there is no silence and we get inside and say our goodbyes.
"Tell Chai that they are over for me?" I quickly request the stranger.
"Of course. If you need anything please just let me know."
"Thank you."
I get inside the Uber and make sure Nayeon has her seatbelt on, nice and safe, before wrapping my arms around her to keep her within my body heat and embrace as we remain that way throughout the drive back to her house, her slowly falling asleep in my embrace as we near her house.
When we reach, she is fully knocked out, the left over tears staining her face. So, I decide to piggy back her to her bed, change her into more comfortable clothes and prepare some water and a small snack to leave on her bedside table.
I sigh, looking back at her as I make my way out her room, turning off her lights and closing her door, "Sleep well Nayeon." I say solemnly.
I close the door behind me and make my way to her couch, pulling out my phone scrolling on social media, before finally succumbing to slumber myself.
A/N: Please give me feedback on my writing! Two more chapters are posted (as of 23rd Feb 2024) however, the story is on-going.
This book is still in the works, and I desperately want to finish it this year. However, I'd like to make everyone aware of three issues. a) There are only three chapters published right now as I want to receive feedback from my audience on my writing style and plot building. Despite having been writing for many years, I am not confident in the style that I use for my stories and would appreciate constructive critique to help me improve future chapters. After a month of posting the chapters, further content will be added throughout this trail, I will collect the feedback, delete this section of my disclaimer, and apply my audience's feedback. Second, I am in my final year of school, therefore school comes first. Furthermore, my weekly schedule is extremely hectic, so many of these will be written during my rare free time or at times when most people are sleeping (don't worry, I will prioritise my health). Finally, this book covers mature issues like as drug usage, smoking, alcohol use, cheating, references to SA, and more. These will all be addressed at the start of the chapter so that you are aware in case triggers arise. Furthermore, I have never used drugs or any of the other topics discussed in this book, so I apologise if anything is incorrect.
Feedback/Constructive Criticism/Concerns can be given VIA comments, email ([email protected]), or private messages.
#seventeen x reader#xu minghao#joshua#svt x reader#svt#svt fluff#seventeen#kpop#xreader#nayeon#twice#fanfic#hongjisoo#hong joshua#wonwoo#mingyu#vernon#hoshi#jeonghan#seungkwan#choi seungcheol#junhui#dino#woozi#kwon soonyoung#lee chan#lee jihon#dokyeom#dk#svt dk
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Can you write a fic where Woozi tries to impress/seduce the reader with lingerie and tries to maintain a sexy vibe but fails and they both end up having a fluffy sex.
Love, 🐽 anon
:)
Anxious Attraction
note: my cute sexy baby, this ask was a blessing, thank you ♡
word count: 624
includes- sub!Woozi x dom!f!reader, lingerie, vaginal sex (unprotected), reassuring dirty talk
if you like my fics please reblog them with a nice comment or tag
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You cross your legs, palms resting against the velvet armrests as you bend your head in anticipation.
The bedroom door flings open, one leg wrapping around the frame to show off the laced knee high stockings. You have to fight down a chuckle from hearing the small boy whimper in pain as he hit his leg just a little too hard against the wood.
He pulls back the leg, trying to compose his seductive demeanour before strutting into the bedroom like a model.
Woozi fumbles with the ribbon that holds the nightgown together, letting the red fabric drop to the ground with a sigh when he finally figures out how to undo the knot.
He throws his hands up in the air, trying to strike a sexy pose as he spins around to show off the lingerie he had bought.
You let your eyes glide over his body, admiring the way the lace hugged his curves, when you notice a little white price tag dangling from the tiny panties.
As you hide your laugh behind a cough, you hook one finger under the thin fabric of his underwear, pulling Woozi towards you.
He hides his face behind his hands in shame when you show him the little tag and you pull him onto your lap for comfort.
“I’m sorry”, he mumbles, as he buries his head in your shoulder, “I’m just not sexy.”
“Yes, you are, baby”, you hold his face between your hands, squishing his cheeks as you look deeply into his eyes, “but you don’t need to put on a show, I already get incredibly turned on by everything you do!”
“Really?”
“Yes”, your smile radiates comfort onto him as he steadies himself with his hands on your hips, “now, do you want to lie on the bed and let me ride you?”
He nods excitedly, ripping the clothes off his body before crawling onto the covers.
After you slowly strip yourself of your clothes you hover over him, taking his cock into your hand so you can glide it through your folds.
“Look how wet you made me by just existing.” Rubbing his tip against your clit you coat him in your juices, bending his cock so he can admire the glistening flesh.
He bites his lip, pleading eyes begging you to let him in.
You sink yourself onto his cock, both of your eyes rolling back as he stretches you in all the right ways. You slowly circle your hips, brushing his hair out of his face so he can see you smiling down at him.
“I’m so lucky to have you and to be able to do this whenever I please.”
Your hand gently strokes his cheek in the same rhythm that you ride his cock with. His breath staggers when you clench around him, deepening the tight embrace.
Your grinds are slow and steady, but they are full of loving desire.
He rubs his thumb against your clit as you bounce on his cock to chase your high. Arching your back, you signal him that you are close, and he watches as you shake on top of him, moaning out his name when your orgasm rushes over you.
The subconscious digging of your fingernails into his skin makes him jolt his hips into you and he feels like his breath is being taken away as he fills you up with his cum.
You let your hands run up and down his chest as you calm down from your high. He pulls you into a hug, his cock laying still inside of you as he strokes your arm and kisses you on your forehead.
“Thank you for making me feel good, not just during sex but also about myself!”
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masterlist
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taglist: @soya-zz , @mintvender , @mellowriting , @sub-hoshi-enthusiast, @maybe-i-do-write
#seventeen#seventeen smut#svt#sub!seventeen#sub!seventeen smut#sub!svt#sub!svt smut#sub!svt x reader#sub!idol#sub!idol smut#dom!reader#dom!reader smut#woozi#woozi smut#woozi x reader#sub!woozi#sub!woozi smut#sub!woozi xreader#smut#self insert
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Mr. Robot | jjk
"Stop staring at me." I hissed
He raised his brow, "You're wearing the same bra again? That's unhygienic."
"What the fu- Jungkook!" I exclaimed as I hug my body as if it was doing anything.
He chuckled, "Sorry, X-ray vision."
- in a world where robots and humans co-exists,
but what happens when a human falls in love with one?
What also happens when a deep secret is revealed?
Credits for the picture goes to the rightful owner!
Go check my story out on @taehyungseyo in wattpad!
#angst#bangtan#bts#btsfanfic#btsimagine#comedy#drama#fanfic#fanfiction#fluff#jungkook#jungkookimagine#kookie#kpop#lighthearted#mingyu#robot#romance#seventeen#xreader#books#wattpad#amwriting#seventeen mingyu#scenario
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[10:46] gryffindor soonyoung! boasted loudly about his quidditch skills, you groan slamming your head against the tree.
“does he ever shut up?” you were sitting outside near the black lake under a tree wanting to do your essay in peace but unfortunately the day had another idea.
“he’s an actual sweetheart honestly he’s just trying to impress you,” this made you scoff before you grabbed your books and notes storming off not noticing the crestfallen look upon the boys face.
. . .
you were ready to leave the hall but as you passed through the doors of the great hall, someone yanked you before you were pinned.
“what the- oh it’s you! what’s wrong with you?!” you punched the males stomach hard shocked to feel the impressive work that quidditch gave him, ignoring that you glaring sharply at him.
“right okay sorry- you hit hard for someone who only studies,” he barely flinches before leaning in and connecting your lips.
god, his lips were incredibly soft, his hair felt silky in between your fingers- what were you doing? you roughly pushed him away tears peeling from your eyes.
“hey- why are you crying?” soonyoung panicked wiping your tears but his hand was slapped away.
“why am I crying? you think it’s funny to just kiss a girl out of nowhere- play with her emotions?! I already thought you were bad but god your so much worse!”
you shout and shout each word before your silenced by another kiss this time you sink into it, gripping his shoulders tightly.
“hey I’m not playing with okay? I genuinely like you okay maybe this wasn’t the best way to show it but I do,” he kisses your tears away holding you close.
maybe he wasn’t that bad after all.
#svt#seventeen#seventeen hoshi#a bit of angst at the beginning#cute#fluff#xreader#hogwart au#harry potter au#one of my really long ones
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