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ggukiepie · 9 months

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one of your girls (jungkook x reader) (part 1)

we don't gotta be in love, no i don't wanna be the one, no i just wanna be one of your girls tonight ~ i wanna take your light inside dim me down, snuff me out ~ give me tough love leave me with nothin' when i come down

pairing: fwb!jk x oc, brief jimin x oc

tags: smut, angst, a little bit of fluff (like teeny tiny)

warnings: two smut scenes, kissing, marking (hickeys), fingering, brief handjob, protected sex, slight dom!jk, sub!oc, praise, dirty talk, grinding, edging, oral (f. & m. receiving), throat fucking, dacryphilia, spit kink, brief masturbation (m.), squirting, brief anal play, back shots, cum shot, multiple orgasms (you'll see), aftercare

word count: 5.8k

a/n: been in my feels lately i had to write it out lol; wrote this in one sitting my hands actually hurt omg; inspired by the song "one of your girls" (ik don't roast me idk why it's stuck in my head fml); if this gets taken down then bye bye i literally just wrote it here directly lmaooooo; anw enjoy !!!! part 2 / drabble i (flashback)

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You knew what you were getting yourself into the night you said yes to Jungkook. You knew you'd fall for him, be under his spell. You knew you'd end up getting hurt. You prepared yourself, you really did, yet you were still surprised when you woke up each morning and he wasn't beside you in bed. You felt your heart break a little bit more when you saw him with another girl, whether she'd be one of your friends or a complete stranger to you.

You tried to guard your heart. Reminded yourself to prepare for the worst. Forced yourself not to fall, not to be blindsided. I'm just having a little fun, you told yourself for the nth time.

jk: u busy tonight?

you: not really! just writing a paper that's due next week

That was sent hours ago and you mentally cringe at your reply. You always find yourself oversharing to Jungkook when you didn't even need to. You wanted to make it seem like your whole situationship was just casual. Like you didn't care. He rarely shared much about his personal life and so should you. But that hardly happened. You didn't want him to think that you cared, that you were clingy or waiting for him to text. You didn't even wait five minutes before replying and he hasn't even texted back.

You know what his text means. He wants to fuck and that's it. But he doesn't say it outright. No, never. He wants to make it seem like he cares, that he wants to know how your night is going. But he just wants to know if you're free to fuck and once you reply, he'll keep that as a reminder in the back of his mind, like he has a mental list of girls he can sort through at the end of the night when he's bored or when he wants to have a little bit of fun.

You know you're just one of his girls on his roster and you're fine with that. You're not his girlfriend and he's not your boyfriend. Though it does seem like that on some days, which is when you get the courage to not reply to his texts. When you try to shut him out and move on. He usually shows up outside your lecture hall with a cup of coffee in hand, bunny smile on his face as he waits for you to walk into the hallway. Like he's waiting for you, picking you up from class like a good and loving boyfriend.

It's all for show and it's only to get himself on your good side again. It works every time. You don't question yourself anymore. Jungkook likes the chase, likes the adrenaline of going after girls and trying to get them to fall for him, or sleep with him, or whatever. It's all the same to him.

You sigh again as you check your phone, hoping for a reply but knowing he won't text back. It's a Friday night and he's probably at some party. You go through your texts and open the conversation with your best friend.

jihyo: see u later! im picking u up so u better be ready >:(

You can't help but laugh at her insistence. Jihyo knows what you're going through since you tell her everything. You tell her you don't care though, that you're not looking for a relationship right now and your "thing" with Jungkook is just casual. But you know she sees right through your lies. It's even more obvious when you ghost all your friends and lock yourself in your apartment every night. She's trying to make you forget and move on and have some actual fun so you indulge her every time.

You get ready in less than an hour and actually put some effort into your appearance. You're not sure which party you're going to but you won't be surprised if Jungkook will be there as well. Maybe if you look hot enough he'll choose you tonight.

You hear a knock on your door and open it immediately, finding Jihyo laughing at something her boyfriend has just said. Most of the time you end up hanging out with her and Mingyu because she's always dragging you with her to keep you from being lonely. You don't mind it though because they're fun people to be with. Even though Mingyu is Jungkook's roommate and best friend. But Mingyu isn't anything like Jungkook. He looks at Jihyo like she's hung up the stars and moon. Loves her with all his heart and doesn't leave her second guessing. You always wonder why him and Jungkook are friends when they're so different.

Jihyo turns to smile at you, but it's still the lovestruck smile she gave Mingyu just seconds ago. You know you have the same kind of smile reserved for Jungkook. You wish you didn't but at the same time you're glad you do, like you have a part of yourself only Jungkook can see. Even though he doesn't do the same.

"You look so hot tonight!" she squeals as she pulls you in a hug. You laugh and roll your eyes, making eye contact with Mingyu as he nods his head in greeting. Jihyo steps back and grabs your hand, dragging you out your apartment so fast you barely have time to lock the door behind you. "Let's go before all the good drinks are gone."

It's a short but fun walk to the house where the party is being held. You find yourself laughing with Jihyo and Mingyu the whole time. They're the type of couple that doesn't make third wheeling a bore.

Loud music blares in your ears the moment you step inside. You feel your heels sticking to the floor. A typical frat house throwing a typical Friday night party. You immediately take shots with Jihyo and Mingyu. You need it to be able to survive the night since you already feel yourself tensing up at the possibility of Jungkook being in the same place as you.

You spot your other friends and hangout with them for the rest of the night. It's when you're playing beer pong with Jimin as your partner do you see Jungkook at the other side of the room. He's talking to some girl which is nothing new. It shouldn't phase you but it does. You thought you were going to be his pick for the night since he texted you a while ago.

You feel your heart fall at the sight of them, your chest physically hurting that you make Jimin throw the ball twice for the both of you since you can't focus. You feel all the fun and happiness slowly leave your body. You feel your stomach churn at the way he's got her trapped against the wall, tattooed arm placed beside her head, mouth whispering right against her ear. She's smiling and giggling at whatever Jungkook is telling her. You wish that were you.

"Forget about him," Jimin mutters in your ear. He's watching your beer pong opponents take their turn as you're watching Jungkook and the girl.

You shake your head at Jimin, turning your head to smile at him just to make it seem like you're okay. Just like Jihyo, he sees right through you.

Jimin's another close friend of Jungkook. They're not so different. Jimin likes to sleep around but he makes it clear that he doesn't want anything serious. Always nice and gentle with the girls he sleeps with. Jungkook makes it seem like you're his and only his. You wonder again why they're friends.

"Seriously, Y/N," Jimin says, a little bit of urgency in his tone. It's probably the look of longing on your face that raises concern in your friend. Everyone sees how broken you look when you catch Jungkook with another girl.

"I know," you say after a while. You talk just a little bit loud enough to be heard over the music. "Jungkook and I just sleep with each other. It's casual and that's it."

You hear Jimin sigh. He nods his head and it's his turn to throw the dirty ping pong ball. You've had this conversation with him and Jihyo numerous times already, sometimes it's the both of them and sometimes it's on separate occasions. You say the same thing every time. You think your friends are starting to give up on you. Maybe you should as well.

You force yourself to have fun for the rest of the night, always trying to be in a room where Jungkook isn't. You're not sure if he's spotted you. You don't know which hurts more—him not spotting you because he doesn't even bother looking for you in the crowd, or him spotting you but not talking to you because you're not his choice for the night. Either way, he doesn't care. You know he doesn't but you wish you did. You thought you'd catch his attention with the black dress you're wearing. Or with the way your hair is styled. But it doesn't work and you tell yourself that it's okay. You always see him in your peripheral though, either talking to someone or flirting with that girl.

You decide to leave when you see Jungkook leaving as well, fingers tangled with the girl's. She looks like a giggling mess and you can't blame her. Everyone falls for Jungkook's charms. You try not to dwell on the fact that they're going to have sex.

It's Jimin who walks you home. He can tell you're sad so he talks about his day and his classes, avoiding Jungkook's name even though you're positive that they hung out today. Jungkook's intertwined in so many people's lives it's hard to leave him out. But Jimin makes an effort just to distract you. You're grateful for it though and he keeps up the act all the way to your apartment. He asks if he can use your bathroom and you say yes, mindlessly changing into your pajamas once the bathroom door closes behind you. You thought you'd have a little bit more time to finish changing but you suddenly hear Jimin swear behind you. You live in a little studio apartment so there's not much room to hide.

"Oh fuck— Shit," he says. You turn around laughing to see him with his hand over his eyes. "Sorry," he mumbles.

You're in your underwear but you don't mind. "It's not like you haven't seen me like this before," you chuckle.

"Still," he reasons.

Because you're stupid and heartbroken and hurt, you walk up to Jimin and gently grab his wrist, bringing his arm down to his side. You look at him looking at anywhere else but you. Eventually he looks down at your body for a split second and you laugh at him.

"We shouldn't," he whispers.

You shrug your shoulders. "Just a little bit of fun, right?" you ask with a smile on your face. "Like old times?" you giggle.

Jimin lets out a scoff but it's more of a laugh. Like he can't believe you're both doing this again. "You sure you're not drunk?" he asks as he makes eye contact with you. Bingo. You got him.

"Nope," you say sweetly.

"But Jungkook?"

You roll your eyes to mask the hurt. "Don't care."

Jimin looks at you intently to make sure you're not bluffing. While you wait for his answer you unclasp your bra and let it fall down your shoulders, exposing yourself to him. His eyes widen at the sight.

"Okay," he breathes out. He suddenly holds you by the waist to place you on the kitchen counter. It has you giggling at him.

"Eager?" you ask when he starts kissing your neck. You feel him drag his teeth across your skin, like he's thinking if he should mark you up or not. You stretch your neck out even more and feel him biting at your skin, sure to leave a bruise.

"Just excited," he mumbles against your neck. You feel him smile.

You unzip his pants while he's busy sucking your nipples. He's hard already when you start pumping your hand up and down his cock.

"Feels good, baby," he moans in your ear. You're still wearing your underwear but Jimin doesn't mind, just pushes it to the side to insert two of his fingers inside your pussy.

"Oh," you choke out. He finds your spot right away and rubs his fingers against it. He doesn't make you come, just fingers you to make sure you're prepped. It's quick when he takes his fingers out and grabs the condom in the back pocket of his jeans. You watch him tear the packet open and roll the condom down his length.

You both don't say anything else as he pushes his cock past your tight walls. Doesn't give you a moment before he starts pounding, his skin slapping against yours.

It's always like this with Jimin—just quick and easy and no feelings attached. You both don't do it much, it happens at the most random times. Usually when you want to forget or when he's stressed from school. And after this you're both back to being friends. It's never awkward. You wish it were like this with Jungkook instead.

"Jimin," you moan when he starts rubbing your clit. "Gonna come."

"Go ahead, baby," he breathes out, placing a soft kiss on your cheek and leaving his lips there. You push yourself to release and Jimin follows right after. You're both breathing heavily when he pulls out, taking off the condom and throwing it in the bin. He zips up his pants and starts looking for something on your bed. You're still trying to catch your breath when you feel a shirt being put over your head. Jimin's sweet like this—does aftercare in the most platonic way possible.

"There," he says after helping you wear the shirt he found. He doesn't know it belongs to Jungkook. You don't think he minds if he does though.

"Thank you," you say quietly and give him a small smile.

"Anytime. I'll see you around, okay?" He kisses your forehead and you watch him leave your apartment.

The silence engulfs you and you think you should feel disgusted with yourself—that you're pining over a guy but you just had sex with another. With his close friend out of all people. But you push the thought to the back of your mind as you jump down from the kitchen counter and walk into your bathroom. You're just like Jungkook, you tell yourself. Just casually sleeping around and nothing else. He doesn't care and you don't either. You feel a teeny bit better.

You take a warm shower to wash all the remnants from tonight. You actually take your time just to clear your jumbled up mind. It's almost 30 minutes later when you step out and check your phone while you're drying off, heartbeat stopping at a text you've received almost an hour ago.

jk: u up?

jk: hey reply to me :(

jk: coming over

Your eyes widen at the last text. It was sent just 10 minutes ago. You don't know where he's coming from but the campus isn't that big so he'll probably be here soon. You quickly finish drying off and change into comfortable clothes. You hear a knock on the door the moment you finish changing. You take a deep breath before walking to the door and opening it.

You notice Jungkook's wearing the same clothes from the party but his shirt is a bit wrinkled. You think he just came from the girl's place. Probably fucked her and is here now because he's not satisfied. You should feel disgusted and mad but you're not. You're no better. You just slept with his friend.

"Hi," you mutter.

He smiles at you and leans in to kiss you on the lips. "Hey, sweetheart." It has you swooning.

You step to the side to let him in and he walks straight to your bed, sitting down to take off his shoes before lying down comfortably. You follow him and sit down on your bed right by his waist. He stretches out his arm to drape it over your thighs and you start tracing his tattoos absentmindedly. This is your usual routine.

"Did you stay in all night?" he asks. Just a little bit of conversation before he does what he's really here for. At least he has a little bit of decency. You don't mind though, it makes you think that he cares about you when he asks things like this.

You shake your head and smile at him. "Nah, Jihyo and Mingyu dragged me to that frat party." You can tell he's trying to hide his surprise.

"Oh, I didn't see you there," he mumbles.

"It's okay." You shrug. "There were a lot of people."

"We could've played beer pong together, I know you like doing that every time you're out."

Your heart clenches at his remark. You're surprised and hurt every time he remembers little things about you. "I was with Jimin, don't worry." Jungkook doesn't know the double meaning to it.

He nods and runs his fingers across your thighs. "Missed you. Sorry I didn't reply to your text earlier, got caught up in something." You know that's a lie. "Just got back from the party too, that's why I came here late." Another lie.

You nod and smile as if you believe him. And you force yourself to because it's easier than knowing the truth. It's silent for a moment before he mumbles c'mere and brings you on top of his lap.

"Missed this," he says quietly as he squeezes your thighs. His hands trail up your waist till he's squeezing your tits beneath the shirt you're wearing. You start grinding on his cock, getting out of breath too quickly. You missed this too. It's been a week since you last had sex with Jungkook which is a long time for the both of you.

"Kook," you pant. He's pinching your nipples knowing that's where you're most sensitive.

"I know, sweetheart. Take your shirt off for me, hm?"

You nod your head dumbly and do as you're told, watching Jungkook stare at your body. He stops moving beneath you and you're about to ask what's wrong when he brings his hand up to touch the hickey on your neck that Jimin left.

"Who's this from?" he asks. You can't tell if he's mad or just curious. Jungkook isn't showing any emotions on his face and you're starting to get nervous.

"Just..." You think if you should tell him the truth. You look into his eyes and try to see if there's any semblance of care. You don't know. You really can't tell. Then your eyes trails down his body, to his neck and the wrinkly white shirt he's wearing. There's a red stain on the collar and you know it's lipstick. From the girl he slept with earlier. "Someone," you finally mumble.

"Someone?" He continues rubbing the spot gently until he presses down on it with his thumb. He doesn't press down too hard, but it's with enough force to have you hissing slightly.

"It's from Jimin," you finally say. He doesn't say anything but raise an eyebrow at your reply. You don't know if he already knows that you and Jimin have slept together. He doesn't look so surprised, or maybe he is and he's just really good at schooling his expressions.

He makes eye contact with you again and you feel his hand going to the back of your head, grabbing a handful of your hair to press your lips against his. The kiss feels urgent and rushed, his tongue instantly slipping in your mouth and tangling with yours. You're on top of him yet you feel defenseless as he holds you by your hair and kisses you hard. You let Jungkook do as he pleases and forget about the little conversation you just had. You start grinding on his cock again and he reciprocates this time, hips moving against yours.

Before you know it, he rolls you over and pins your arms above your head. You stare at him with wide eyes and he smirks at you in return. He holds your wrists with one hand and takes off your shorts and underwear with the other. He's fully dressed while you're not and you know you're at his mercy. He knows this too as he spreads your thighs apart with his hand.

"Keep your hands there," he whispers. You hold your bed frame for good measure. You just want to please him. He trails kisses down your body, from your neck to your nipples to your tummy. He stops by your thighs and you feel his breath against your skin. You squirm beneath Jungkook to get him to do something, to touch you and pleasure you. He shakes his head, still with that damn smirk on his face. He starts kissing your thighs, close to your pussy just to tease you.

"Didn't know you and Jimin have a thing going on," he says against your skin. You shiver at the vibrations his voice provides.

You feel Jungkook bite down on your inner thighs. "We don't," you choke out. He scoffs and starts kissing your pussy. Just light kisses that start making you crazy because you just want his mouth on you. "We're just friends," you say weakly.

He looks up from where he's laying between your legs. "Like us?"

Us.

You know what he means but at the same time you don't. You're friends with Jimin like you're friends with Jungkook. But you don't long for Jimin like you do for Jungkook. You don't yearn for Jimin the same way, don't look for him in every place you're at, don't pine for his affection or his touches. Jimin isn't like Jungkook and you both know that. You just don't know if you're different from the other girls Jungkook fucks.

"No," you say truthfully. It's said with defeat and desperation because you know he's not going to touch you till you answer him. "Not like us."

You know Jungkook won't pry anymore because he finally starts licking your pussy, starting with your outer lips until his tongue is inside your hole licking every crevice. Then he starts sucking your clit and that's when you truly lose it, legs going around his head to keep him against your cunt.

"Fuck," you almost scream. You're so close already that you should feel embarrassed but you're not. Jungkook knows your body too well. No one holds a candle to how good he eats you out. "Please," you whimper.

"Please what, sweetheart?"

"Please make me come!" you beg. "Need it, need it so much." You starting grinding your hips against his mouth.

"You're so desperate," he chuckles. It's said meanly but the comment flies over your head. You don't care anymore; you just want some sort of release. "But not yet."

You suddenly feel cold because Jungkook removes his mouth from you, standing up and getting out of the bed to remove his clothing. You continue holding the bed frame above you because you want to be good for him. You watch him strip his clothes off till he's naked just like you, tattooed hand wrapping around his cock.

It's long and thick and it splits you open every time he fucks you. You really don't know how you manage to take him every time.

Jungkook is so mean and unfair with the way he's teasing you right now, pleasuring himself while you lay on the bed. You're about to open your mouth to complain when he finally nods his head, motioning you to get up. "Kneel. Hands behind your back, okay?"

You nod your head and get in position on the bed, head tilting up to look at his cock. It's so hard and the tip is already leaking. You just want your mouth around him.

"Open," he says.

You open your mouth and stick your tongue out, just the way Jungkook likes. As expected, he spits directly into your mouth and you swallow right away.

"Good girl. Now suck."

He brings his cock to your lips and you immediately start sucking. You push your length all the way in till you feel him at the back of your throat.

"Gotta take all of me in, pretty. Or else I won't fuck your little pussy."

You know Jungkook takes his threats seriously so you back up a little to catch your breath before taking him in your mouth again. God, he's so big and thick your jaw is already starting to feel sore. But you power through and keep taking him in your mouth until your nose touches his tummy. You try not to gag around him but it's no use. You also feels your eyes tearing up.

Jungkook doesn't care you're struggling. In fact, he loves it because he's got that stupidly handsome smile on his face. He strokes your cheeks for a while and you try to even out your breathing.

"I wanna fuck your throat, sweetheart. Can you take it?" he asks sweetly.

You know it's a rhetorical question but you nod anyways, as much as you could with a dick down your throat.

"Let me in then."

You close your eyes and relax your throat even more. Jungkook holds your head then and pushes you towards him even deeper. You're helpless since your hands are behind your back. You gag again and start feeling lightheaded.

"There we go," he finally says once his whole length is in your mouth. You feel the tip down your throat. You're struggling so much but you try not to move. You just want to please him. "Gonna move now," he mumbles and starts moving his hips. You let him fuck your throat for God knows how long. You're full on crying when he stops and withdraws his length halfway out your mouth. You take the time to gasp for air and you even cough a little, head bowing down to regain your breathing. You faintly hear Jungkook laugh above you.

"I'm not yet done, love. Was just feeling nice enough to give you a little breather."

You nod your head and look up at him, mouth opening wide to let him know you're ready again.

"You just let me do whatever I want, huh?" he chuckles. You're not sure if he means something else but to you it does. You willingly let Jungkook do anything to you. Even if it results in heartbreak.

He stares at you for a while and spreads the spit and precum that's on your lips. "So messy." Then he's back to inserting his length inside your mouth. The glide is smoother this time since you're already prepped. "There we go," he groans out. He stays still and feels the imprint of his dick on your throat. "Look so pretty for me."

Jungkook starts moving again but thankfully his pace is slow this time. You're sure you'll have a sore throat by tomorrow.

"Keep your eyes open, okay? Wanna see you cry."

You look at him while he's fucking your mouth, looking at the way his cock moves in your throat. You're starting to lose your breath and you think Jungkook could tell as well because he grants you reprieve and steps back. You're coughing more this time, hands catching yourself in front of you. You barely get enough time to regain your breathing before you feel Jungkook grabbing your head and bringing your lips to his.

"Did so good for me," he says against your mouth.

You're trembling in his hold and you grab his arms to steady yourself. "Fuck me please," you try to say but your voice comes out hoarse and ragged.

He kisses your cheek and then your jaw. "I will, don't worry," he coos. "Always gonna give you what you want." Another lie. You know that's not true.

You're putty in his hands as he maneuvers you to the position he wants to fuck you in, which is on your hands and knees with your ass high in the air.

"Just like that," he whispers. He pushes down on your shoulders even more so that you're wide and open for him. He starts rubbing your pussy and you can't help but moan out loud. "You're so wet, sweetheart. All from sucking my cock?"

You nod wordlessly from your position on the bed. "Jungkook!" you scream as he plunges two fingers in your pussy. He's ruthless as he fucks his fingers fast and hard, hitting your g-spot right away. "Please," you cry out. You're so wound up and tense and you just want to come already but he won't let you.

You hear Jungkook chuckle from behind you. "Still so tight, baby. Thought Jimin stretched you out already." You're about to reply but you feel his thumb press against your rim and your senses go haywire, mind going blank because you're so overwhelmed.

"Please, please," you beg quietly. You're crying again and you'd do anything at this point to get Jungkook to fuck you. He withdraws his fingers from your holes and you hear the crinkling of plastic behind you. You turn your head slightly to see him slipping a condom on. Jungkook has never fucked you raw and you never asked why because you already know the answer. You'll get hurt hearing the truth anyway.

He holds your hips to steady you. He rubs the head of his cock up and down your folds. "You want this?" he asks roughly.

"Yes. Please."

Finally, finally, Jungkook pushes his cock in your pussy. It doesn't take long because you're so wet he slides right in to the hilt.

"You feel so good around me." He stills for a moment and you grab your ass to spread your cheeks even more.

"Please move, Kook."

You hear him groan. "God, baby, you're filthy." He starts fucking into you and your mind goes blank. You feel his thick cock slide in and out, the tip already kissing your cervix.

"Feels so good," you mumble incoherently. Jungkook fucks you quick and hard, holding your hips so tightly you know it's going to bruise. You feel his balls slap against your clit which adds even more pleasure. You feel yourself getting close again and arch your back.

"Can I please come?" you ask through your moans. "Please let me come, Jungkook. Please—"

"Come," he finally says. It's the only word you need to hear before you let go, that coil in you snapping and bringing pleasure all over your body. You don't know you're moaning so loudly you're almost screaming. You feel your pussy just gush and it gets so wet and sticky you're surprised Jungkook doesn't slip out. It's so filthy that you hear squelching noises as well. Your orgasm goes on for so long you don't know how you're still holding yourself up.

"You creamed my cock so much, baby," Jungkook says. He slows down his pace but he's still moving so you can ride out your high. "Got me wet and even your sheets."

You barely hear him and there's just a buzzing sound around your head. Your body feels so heavy and you just want to collapse but you arch your back even more for Jungkook.

He laughs. "Think I fucked you stupid." He increases his pace again and you just kneel there and take it. "Gonna make me fucking come," he growls as his hips snap against yours. "Fuck." He fucks you some more and you groan every time he hits your g-spot.

Suddenly, he pulls out so fast. "Don't move," he groans. You stay in place and watch him remove the condom off, hand going to stroke his cock as he brings himself to his release. You feel his come on you, right on your pussy and asshole. "Fuck, baby," he groans. You feel even stickier with his load on you. Then he bends down to kiss your neck, and then your cheek, and then a gentle one on your lips.

"You okay?" he asks quietly. His arm goes to wrap around your waist and you slowly start sinking onto the bed.

"Mhm," you mumble and try to keep your emotions at bay. You always feel so overwhelmed after sex with Jungkook. You let a few tears fall down your cheeks but it's the kind of tears of relief from an intense orgasm.

Jungkook presses his front against your back, not caring that his come is still on you. He starts kissing your face again then rubs his nose up and down your throat. "Just breathe, yeah?" he says quietly. You nod weakly against his hold and do just that. The both of you say nothing as you try to calm your racing heart.

You don't know how many minutes pass by until Jungkook stands up. You don't have the strength in you to move your position on the bed or ask where he's going. A few minutes later you feel a wet rag on your back. You let Jungkook clean you up while the both of you still don't say a thing. Then he's moving you on the bed again so your head is on the pillows and he's right behind you, lying down comfortably to be the big spoon. You feel him kissing your head.

"Sleep," he mumbles against your hair. With Jungkook holding you and with his steady breaths guiding yours, you fall asleep right away.

..••°°°°••..°°••....••°°..••°°°°••..

You don't know what time it is when you wake up but there's still sunlight peeking through your curtains so you suppose it's still morning. You turn to face the other side of the bed only to find it empty. You don't know what time Jungkook left, if he stayed the night or left the moment you fell asleep. You're used to it already but it doesn't mean you're not hurt. Your heart constricts at the empty space beside you. You move again to lay on your back and cover your face with yours hands, letting out shaky breaths while trying not to breakdown. God, maybe Jimin was right. Just forget about him.

But it's hard not to. It's hard to forget about him when you have sex constantly, when his touches are gentle but also rough. When he wants you to reply to his messages and when he wants you against his body. It's hard because he's friends with your friends. It's hard when he takes care of you after every intense orgasm. It's hard when he makes it seem like he wants you just as much as you want him.

#jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook one shot #bts one shot #jjk one shot #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook x oc #fuckboy!jk #fwb!jk #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #mine #sab writes #jk #fwb!jungkook #fuckboy!jungkook

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mcspicey · 1 year

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Sheepgirls when they're mad !!!!!!! 💢💢

#original art #ocs #sab #luz

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funnylemonstup · 5 months

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I had to do this silly thing ihihhi

You can use it, but credit me plz😛😛

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jahayla-parker · 9 months

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King of My Heart : Nikolai Lantsov x Reader Series

Description: Princess Y/n and Nikolai have known each other since they were little as their families would visit each other every summer. However, Y/n and Nikolai seemingly always hated each other. To make matters more complicated, their parents arranged for them to marry. Will they be able to get along enough to maintain a political marriage, will they truly fall for each other, or will their hatred continue to tear each other apart until there’s nothing but destruction?

Warnings: angst, hurt-comfort, friends to enemies, enemies to lovers, pining, crush(es), flirting, dancing, arguments, fighting, insults/bullying, attitude, typical Grishaverse topics and themes, kissing and other romantic behaviors and content, misunderstandings, bantering, etc.

Notes: This is an ONGOING series. When a new part is scheduled for release/to be posted, I’ll update this masterlist with those details. I’m hoping to keep updating it frequently and routinely, but please bear with me if that’s not always 100% the case!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Thoughts on if I should continue?

Taglist: @iambored24601 @nghtwngs @dcmaniac101 @naushtheaspiringauthor @larathebee @hereiamhereigo @lareinaa007 @halfofagayallofaqueer @el-de-phi @kiroshki @caspianobsessed @hauntedenthusiasttragedy @adalia-jaycee @ell0ra-br3kk3r @wonderland2425 @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @kateswone @liter4ti @torresbarnes @mischiefmanaged71 @casualladyinternet @im-here-sometimes @moonflowersandsparkles @h-l-vlovesvintage @dinonuggiessss @bubybubsters @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @opheliaofficial07

Nikolai Lantsov Navigation

Grishaverse Navigation

Book Boyfriends Navigation

My Main Masterlist (All My Works) Navigation

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moonlightgrisha · 1 year

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First encounter

Ch. 1 This is how it all began. [Masterlist] Previous - Next

On your first night at the Grand Palace, you fall asleep in your bed and wake up in a meadow.

You gasp, and you stumble, then you realize what has happened. You sleepwalked out of your room, out of the gates, up the hill above the palace grounds.

You guess by your dirty nightgown and scratched arms that it must have not been an easy way. You shiver, then look up.

A thin crescent moon is still lingering in the sky, although you can already see the first flashes of dawn. You are here, alone, and you cannot resist. You lift your head to call upon it.

If he had been just a few seconds late, he would have caught you in the act. But you see him first, and you freeze.

He is dressed in black, riding a dark horse, looking at you.

Shadows. Monsters. Blood.

Memories of your nightmares suddenly get hold of you. The man is Grisha, and they told you about him.

He could say a million things, but he says: "Are you lost?"

"No", you answer. You don't know why you said that.

He doesn't move. "You are not Grisha", he mumbles, so low you can barely hear him. He seems confused for a second, then he speaks again. "What are you doing here?"

You try not to feel so cold. "The same as you, a morning stroll". You pause, then add. "Sir".

You can swear he doesn't buy any of it, but he seems to recall his manners, now. He takes his horse a few steps back. "These are Little Palace's grounds. You shouldn't be here... milady".

"Huh?"

"You are not Grisha", he says again, this time louder. It sounds more like a question.

You are used to lie, but this time you just can't. So you say: "I'll better be going, now. Have a good day".

You turn your back at the Darkling and begin to find your way in the woods, hoping he wouldn't come after you, hoping he doesn't see through you.

You don't look back, and he doesn't follow you. The morning light is shining, now, and if he sends shadows after you, you can't tell.

Your heart is pounding in your chest.

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hustparovoz · 1 month

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theyre silly

jinji and dawn belong to me

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lufanahufflepuff · 3 months

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Inês and Sab before they broke up. (now she is with his sister)

#Sab and Inês' relationship was a catastrophe but I still like drawing them sometimes #sebastian sallow #hufflepuff #hufflepuff mc #inês ofélia da graça #my mc #my oc #my art #hogwarts legacy #sebastian x mc #hogwarts legacy mc #hufflepuff x slytherin #slytherin x hufflepuff #krita #hufflepuff girl

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spotsupstuff · 1 year

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"ok. i really need to finish that one post. gotta focus. o hey Butterfly by Smile DK (8-bit version) i should listen to that- o hey wouldn't it be funny if there was an iterator based off of tha- ah goddammit."

the samurai drip? completely useless. her creators just felt the dire need to give her absolute motherfucking drip. that lightsaber katana? completely useless. she does give it to her rat to go and commit atrocities though

Gen 3 iterator, i don't have the will to go as far as to color her but her main clr is rich red, details/the mark is yellow and the drip is mainly mean black/dark blue with red n yellow details. probably. personality is bubbly little shit who's anime eyes WILL put the fear of god into just about anythin down to its shoes

#Spot says stuff #rw #oc tag #the creative process is a delicate one.#ill come back to her later maybe. her crows and potscug can go drink tea in the joke character corner #at this point i could make an iterator out of any song or album out there i think #crows and Sab here listen to that anaconda and phantom of the opera mix

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multix-ct117 · 11 months

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Dancing in the Dark

Ophelia Laskin + Aleksander Morozova

the Darkling x the Moon Wielder

{Shadow and Bone}

“He was her dark fairytale and she was his twisted fantasy. And together they made magic.”

#shadow and bone #sab #grishaverse #aleksander morozova #the darkling #aleksander morozova x oc #the darkling x oc #female oc #ocappreciation #grishaverse oc #shadow and bone oc #moon summoner #moodboard #aleksander morozova x reader #general kirigan #ben barnes

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honeyxmonkey · 8 months

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The Spiders 👀

They’d be friends

Coincidentally their stories and skill sets are extremely similar. Inej and Carter trauma bonding real

#totally on accident too bc usually when stuff like this happens #an already established character has inspired some of my ocs #but I created carter before reading soc #so this is a total coincidence and I love it #tales of arcadia #wizards tales of arcadia #hisirdoux casperan #toa wizards #honey's art #carterdoux #carter howard #tales of arcadia oc #toa oc #toa ocs #sab/soc au #shadow and bone crossover #six of crows crossover #six of crows #inej ghafa

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ggukiepie · 11 months

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girl in luv (boy in luv pt. 6)

pairing: jungkook x reader

summary: jungkook finally tells you what you've been wanting to hear for so long...but you're still not happy

tags: bil!couple, college!au, bff!jk, two idiots in love, angst (what's new), fluff, happy ending !!!, kissing hihi

wc: 3.5k

a/n: lmaoooo hi im sorry this took so long. i didn't like what i originally wrote so i scrapped the whole thing and well here it is! i hope u guys like it. this is the last part for the series. tho i do plan to post some drabbles here and there (like their first time together maybe) but no promises anw thats its bye happy reading !!!! series masterlist / main masterlist

~*~

Your phone suddenly buzzes—someone was calling you. Though, instead of answering it, you stuff your phone between your couch cushions to block out the noise. You don’t dare look at your screen, sure you’ll get tempted to answer the call—whoever that was. You haven’t got much social interaction these days, always choosing to go straight home after each class, eating by yourself, declining invites to parties and hangouts. It’s not like anyone’s forcing you to be this way. You did this to yourself, really. You’d rather be alone than hangout with people. You didn’t have the energy to do so. You just wanted to be in your bubble a little bit longer.

Deep down, you know you’re craving to talk to someone. Anyone. But somehow you always end up alone. With your thoughts.

Self-sabotage, if you will.

The thoughts don’t help either. Your mind always drifts to Jungkook. Sometimes you think about him and his girlfriend. Most of the time, you think of your friendship. You missed what you had, even though you had to guard your heart every time, even if you got your hopes up at the simplest of actions. You missed being with Jungkook because for the time you were with him, he felt like he was…yours? There was no doubt that you were his. Had been from the start but didn’t realize it till later on. Your heart always craved for him, yearned for him when he wasn’t with you. Your heart felt lighter when you were together, be it doing the most mundane of things or sharing a special moment.

If you could just toughen up and tell him how you feel. But it was easier said than done. He already indirectly rejected you when he got together with some girl. But why would he reject you if he never knew how you felt? Maybe you were too busy protecting your heart, protecting the friendship you might lose if you would’ve confessed. You never thought he’d feel the same, even though you had moments that felt like he did.

You shake your head to rid your thoughts. You try to focus on writing the essay in front of you. Your Friday nights felt different now—stuck doing homework while your friends were partying.

You’re finally two pages deep when you hear frantic knocking on your door. You check the time on your laptop and see it’s a little past one in the morning. You suddenly rush to open your door, scared that you’d get a noise complaint all of a sudden.

You stand frozen, mouth agape at the scene in front of you.

“Huh?” you dumbly say.

It’s your three closest friends in your doorway. Jimin and Taehyung are somewhat conscious—at least they’re standing upright. But you notice the sway in their stance and you can smell the alcohol off of them. But it’s Jungkook between them that makes you freeze. He’s passed out, you’re sure of it, and the only reason why he’s sort of standing up is because Jimin and Tae have his arms around their shoulders.

“Why are you guys here?” you finally say.

It’s Taehyung who speaks up, smiling that smile he has when he wants something to go his way. When he has a plan that you might say no to (which you usually do). “Jungkook,” he points at Jungkook, as if you’d confuse him with anyone else, “is drunk.”

“I can see that,” you deadpan.

“And!” Tae rushes to say, like you’re about five seconds from shutting the door in their faces. “He kept asking for you. So we are simply complying with his request.”

“Because we are great friends,” Jimin pipes in. Taehyung nods in confirmation.

“Me?” you whisper, as if Taehyung were referring to anyone else. Your mind isn’t any better than his drunk one at this point.

“Yes!” Jimin whisper shouts. “Now let us in, he’s kinda getting heavy.”

Jungkook makes an incoherent sound from where his head is leaning on Tae’s shoulder, drool making a wet patch on the poor guy’s shirt. You take pity on your best friend and step aside to let in all of them, even though your heart’s racing because Jungkook is in your apartment.

Holy shit.

You watch them bring his unconscious body to your couch (they actually drop Jungkook and giggle all the way to your door, saying their goodbyes without looking back).

You huff at the sight in front of you. Jungkook’s cheeks are flushed red and he’s a little bit sweaty. Though, he looks so peaceful sleeping on your couch. Was he really looking for you?

You get a glass of water and two aspirins, placing it on the coffee table near him. The moment you near him, you kneel by his head and wipe the stray hairs on his forehead. You look at Jungkook, like really look at him. His eyebrows are scrunched together like something’s troubling him in his dreams. His lips are in a slight pout, lip ring glistening under your light (when did he get that, anyway?), little puffs of air coming out his mouth.

“Am I…” he mumbles. Your heart races. His eyes are still closed, but his mouth continues to move. “Am I at ____’s?”

Your heart seizes at the sound of your name. You gulp and nod slowly, then realize that he can’t hear you. “Yeah…” you trail off. “You’re in my living room.”

“Oh,” your best friend says as his eyebrows scrunch up some more. “Missed you.”

You sit back on the floor and hug your knees to yourself, preparing for whatever it is that he might say next. A drunk man’s words are his sober thoughts, right?

“Jimin and Tae said you were looking for me?”

“Mhmm,” he mumbles. “Wanted to… tell you somethin’”

You shake your head. Though your heart yearned to know, you also do know it’s not the right time. Not when he’s drunk. He might just regret his words now the next morning, which might even hurt worse than what he’s about to say. “Save it for tomorrow, Kook.” You push yourself off the floor but he stops you by holding your wrist, albeit weakly.

“Nuh uh…” he whispers. “Need to know…now. Broke up with Jiwoo.” He opens his eyes slightly and looks at you right away.

“Jungkook—”

“Like,” he continues to say, “I did it for you.”

You feel your anger rising, your body heating everywhere. “I didn’t tell you to do anything,” you firmly say.

Jungkook moves to sit up and you take a step back. “No,” he shakes his head slowly. “Jus’ didn’t feel right.”

You feel tears welling up in your eyes and you finally walk to your bedroom, slamming the door and locking it shut. You block out the sounds of Jungkook weakly calling out your name. Your fists clench in anger, the words Jungkook just uttered replaying in your head over and over. He couldn’t just dump his problems, turn around the narrative and make it seem like you made him break up with Jiwoo. That you asked him to end things with her because it didn’t feel right. And he forced himself into your home, your personal space—and drunk at that! He knew all your weak spots and used it to his advantage.

You hope he’d be gone in the morning. You don’t think your heart can hurt any more.

You hear pans clinking which promptly wakes you up. You weren’t able to sleep that much, actually, knowing Jungkook was right outside your room. You guess he stayed in the morning. He’s either cooking in your kitchen, or someone’s trying to steal your pans.

Rubbing your eyes as you open your bedroom door, you spot Jungkook by the stove with his back turned to you. He seems to be making scrambled eggs—which is the only thing he can make confidently.

“Morning,” you say. You might as well clear the air as early as now. You watch his back tense for a millisecond before he turns off the stove and sets the pan on your dining table. He turns to face you and brings a hand up to brush his hair back, a nervous tick of his that you noticed a few years back.

“Good morning,” he mumbles.

“So,” you start.

It’s so awkward you might cry again. When did things get this out of place? You start to rethink your feelings. You haven’t even confessed yet it feels like you’ve lost your best friend already. What if you confessed? What would happen then? You felt your heart closing just thinking about it now. Was your friendship really that fragile? You and Jungkook hardly fought but even if you did, you always made up right away.

“___,” he says. You look up, eyes meeting his instantly. “About last night… I’m sorry I suddenly barged into your place. I guess I really forced Tae and Jimin to bring me here.”

You nod and lean on the wall behind you, preparing for a long talk with him.

“I just really missed you, I guess—”

“Do you remember what you said last night?” you ask harshly, cutting him off so quick his shoulders tense.

Jungkook swallows nervously and nods his head. “Yeah and… I don’t know if there’s a better to say it, really. But we did break up, ____. She just wasn’t it for me.”

“And you said you did it for me,” you say, pushing him to just get to the point.

“Yes, because I realized that my heart never belonged to her. It belonged to you. Still does,” he says in a rush.

You eye him sharply, staring at his features and expression to make sure he’s completely telling the truth. You want to believe him, you really do, but why would he say that then be with someone else.

“It doesn’t make sense,” you finally say. “Why did you get together with her, then?”

“I don’t know—”

“You don’t know,” you repeat, and Jungkook’s eyes widen in panic. “You think you can come running to me right after a break up? Like I’m some second option? You don’t love her enough so you run to me instead?”

Jungkook opens and closes his mouth, mind thinking quickly to say something. His hands start to tremble and he brings a hand up to push back his hair. “I didn’t mean that,” he says hoarsely. “I didn’t realize it soon… And—” he stutters to catch his breath. “I was just scared—”

You’re fuming at this point. How could he do this to you? To just play with your feelings like that? “Get out.”

“____—"

“I mean it, Jungkook,” you shakily say. “You’ve hurt me enough. Just leave, please.”

He looks at you longingly, doe eyes watering before he nods and turns to the door in silence. You watch him put his shoes on before he leaves, not sparing you a glance. You don’t realize you’ve been tearing up as well, wiping the tears on your cheeks. Walking to the kitchen counter, you realize that Jungkook made chocolate chip pancakes. Your favorite.

It’s been a week since the incident with Jungkook and you haven’t talked to him since then. You also missed your weekly brunch with your friends, too afraid to face Jungkook. Thinking about it now, were you a little bit too harsh? Maybe. You thought you’d finally be happy upon hearing his confession but instead you pushed him away, shut him out. Because you’re scared. Terrified. Things were already going so well with Jungkook when you both were just best friends and you don’t think you can lose him forever should you actually get together and then break up.

Funny since it feels like you’ve lost him already.

It’s 8 am and you’re all alone in the student council office, trying to get some studying done as you were restless staying in your apartment. Staying there just reminds you of Jungkook, so you’ve been spending your mornings here before the other people arrive.

Suddenly, the door opens which is unusual. You usually have the place to yourself for at least another three hours. Curiously, you look up and find your best friend standing by the doorway, laptop and coffee in hand.

It’s silent for a moment, the both of you drinking each other in. Jungkook looks like he hasn’t gotten much sleep, eye bags dark and skin lackluster. You suppose you don’t look any better, knowing you barely got any sleep the past few days.

“Hi,” he finally says. You’re glad you have the long table separating the two of you. You don’t think your heart can handle being physically closer.

“Are you here for something?” you ask hesitantly.

“Can I…” He trails off, looking at the printer by the corner. You’d be laughing by now under normal circumstances. You nod instead, because it’s bizarre seeing Jungkook here asking if he can print something, which is something he liked to do back when your friendship was intact. The room is silent as you see him connect his laptop to the printer, both of you avoiding each other’s eyes. It’s too silent, actually, that it’s driving you a bit insane.

“How many pages?” you ask.

“Uhm… Fifty?” he says like he’s unsure.

“Fifty?” you repeat in a gasp. The printer is free, sure, but it’s ancient. Fifty pages will take too long and you don’t know if you can stand being in the room with him for half an hour or so.

Jungkook hands you the coffee he brought with him. “I bought you coffee as thanks.” He smiles ever so slightly and watches as you take a sip. Of course, it’s your usual order at the café down the street.

He looks at you expectantly but you’re too busy looking down at the coffee in your hands, too nervous to lock eyes with him. A few seconds later you hear him exhale and it’s just the sound of the printer in the room.

Your chest feels so tight all of a sudden like it’s ready to burst out of your ribcage any minute. It feels so heavy, so constricting that it’s starting to hurt physically. Is it really worth it harboring all this anger and pain? For conjuring up these theories in your head that will make you push him further away?

You shake your head to yourself and look up expecting to lock eyes with his, but his back is turned to you.

“Did you really mean what you said last week?” you blurt out.

Jungkook jumps in surprise and whips his body to face you, doe eyes wide. He looks surprised but he also looks relieved, and your heart breaks a little more seeing the relief cross his face the moment you talk to him.

He starts playing with the hem of his shirt absentmindedly. “I did,” he mumbles. “I mean every word I said, and I’m really sorry that everything had to turn out this way when I could’ve just been brave and confessed all those years ago.”

You nod your head at his words and process what he just said. Deep down you know you believe him, but it’s hard to keep that in mind when the hurt outweighs the truth. You look up at him with a sad smile on your face. “Why now, Kook? After all these years.”

He sighs and leans on the chair in front of him. You notice his shoulders deflate and his back hunch a little. He looks tired and you feel your own tiredness in your bones as well. “I was just scared. Us being friends was so comfortable and so good… I was just scared of things changing and me losing you.”

You bite your lip to stop yourself from crying. Looking to the side of the room to avoid his stare, you whisper, “And I know—” you choke on your words and clench your hands in frustration. “And I know I’m at fault as well—for assuming and pulling away once you got together with her. I had no right because we’re just…friends.”

It’s quiet save for the printer and his feet shuffling on the floor. You turn towards him to see Jungkook slowly walking to where you’re sat. Once he’s standing in front of you, he raises his hands towards your face but stops midway. Like he’s about to hold you but he’s hesitant.

You’re tilting your head to look up at him, eyes shiny with tears but lip turned upwards in a small smile. It’s ok, you mouth, because you don’t trust yourself to speak right now. You watch Jungkook hold your face in his hands, thumbs going behind your ears to rub at your skin slowly, fingers splayed on your cheeks to wipe your tears away.

He gathers your face in his hands, thumbs gently brushing the tears streaming down your cheeks. “I’m sorry, baby,” he whispers shakily. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m so, so sorry.”

You nod your head absentmindedly, heart squeezing at the affectionate way he talks to you.

“I really am sorry,” he repeats. “I… Yeah, we’re just friends but I’d like to believe that we both just know. That you felt my love the same I’ve been feeling yours ever since. Even though we’re just friends. But…I know better now.”

You look at him confusingly and he looks away from you and smiles, his cheeks turning a light shade of red. You watch in silence as he plays with his lip piercing distractedly. Finally, he turns to you still with that smile on his face. His thumb starts playing with your lower lip but he’s looking at you with so much adoration in his eyes.

You’ve seen this look on him before, every time you’re with him, and now do you only realize that it’s a look full of love, desire, yearning.

“It’s scary if we do become something more and I end up losing you,” he starts, “but I’d rather live a life of at least knowing what it feels like to love you and be loved by you, than doing nothing at all.”

Tears are streaming down your face but you’re smiling so wide and Jungkook’s doing the same as well, with his nose even scrunching up and his dimples showing.

“I think it’s normal to feel scared,” you finally reply. “But I’d also rather live a life of us loving together than loving from afar.”

It’s silent for a moment as you and Jungkook stare at each other. He’s wiping off your tears which makes him cry a little more, so you wipe his tears next. You’re both crying now but with happy smiles on your faces and it prompts you both to laugh.

“We were kinda stupid, huh?” Jungkook says in between giggles.

You nod and giggle back. “A bit silly, yeah.”

“Can I kiss you?” he suddenly asks. Your heart starts racing and your palms get clammy. You start feeling nervous but it’s the good kind, finally getting to do something you’ve been anticipating, been waiting for ever since you realized your heart belonged to your best friend.

“Please,” you whisper.

Jungkook wastes no times in leaning forward, his grip on your cheeks tightening just a bit, pulling you upwards to meet his lips. Your lips finally touch and it steals your breath away. Quite literally.

Jungkook’s lips are soft, slots perfectly right in between yours. He kisses how he holds you—gentle and careful. Your heart skips a beat when you feel his tongue, and you grant his wish by opening your lips just slightly.

There are no fireworks or sparks or anything grand like that. Your heart suddenly feels calm and at ease. Like this is what you’re meant to do. It feels like coming home for the first time where everything feels right. You feel a great weight lift off your shoulders and you know you’ve made the right decision by choosing love.

Jungkook pulls back but only slightly so he can catch his breath. He keeps his forehead pressed against yours and when he speaks, you feel his lips move.

“I love you,” he whispers, and the way he looks at you with his eyes, like it holds so much love and adoration and it’s all for you. “Wish I said it sooner but I don’t want to think about that. Don’t want to live and continue on with regrets. I’m so happy to have you like this,” he whispers shakily. “So lucky to be able to love you like this.”

You kiss him again which causes him to smile so wide that his dimples pop out. “I love you too.” You giggle again. Saying it is so freeing and it feels so normal too. Not some grand epiphany or realization. Like you’ve known ever since. Like your heart has felt this way throughout your years of friendship with Jungkook and only now are you able to verbalize it. You know you’re lucky, too, to be able to have him in this way. But you don’t want to give too much credit to luck. You believe yours and Jungkook’s love were destined ever since.

#jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts #jungkook x reader #jungkook x oc #jungkook x you #jungkook fanfic #jungkook one shot #jungkook drabble #college jk #college jungkook #mine #writing #bts fic #bts fanfic #bts one shot #bts drabble #sab writes

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mcspicey · 4 months

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Sab in stardew valley

#original art #ocs #fanart #sab #ben #sebastian sdv #sam sdv

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impales · 11 months

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EVERMORE — KIRAN BUKHARI (1927-1953) (coming soon!)

Ravenclaw. Head Girl. Star Quidditch player. Kiran Bukhari was all of these things and the wizarding world expected great things from her as she graduated alongside the similarly talented yet far more disquieting Head Boy, Tom Riddle. Her untimely disappearance not long after sent shock waves through witches and wizards alike, and whispers ran amok of the suspected truth: she had been murdered in cold blood.

Harry Potter is a boy of eleven, and an unsuspecting figure of legend at such a tender age as he arrives at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And to his delight, ghosts are a commonplace wonder at his new school, bringing tales of laughter and mischief to most. But there is one ghost that roams Hogwarts that only young Harry can see, and a tragic tale that only she can tell.

GENERAL TAGLIST (ask to be added/removed!) @godswood-girl @kingsroad @emilykaldwen @hiddenqveendom @fragilestorm @zoyazenik

#ocappreciation #hpedit #fyeahharrypotterocs #allaboutocs #ocsnetwork #toalltheocsivelovedbefore #harry potter oc #kirantag #octag #SHES MY GIRL im dying to talk abt her...sorry this gifset is soooo messy i dont have great hp files and i had like 2 sab files #shes a ghost thats why shes blue btw

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jahayla-parker · 2 years

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Underestimated : Kaz Brekker x Reader

Summary: Three times Kaz almost tells her but ultimately refuses to admit his feelings and One time Kaz finally confesses

Warning: typical SoC/S&B warnings of violence, trauma, fights, emotional suppression, etc. , Long lol

The first time was on a late night when y/n noticed how dirty and badly falling apart his gloves were. They were resting between the two of them as she watched Kaz markup the blueprint on his desk under the dull candlelight.

She was always trying to do nice things for the other crows, so she didn’t even think twice about her decision to sneak them from his room that night and take them to be cleaned and repaired.

She knew there was something special about the gloves but wasn’t sure if the specific gloves were the value themselves or if it was just simply having gloves on him he valued.

As a result, she didn’t want to risk damaging them more by using standard cleaners on them that she would be able to find around the slat.

So, she made a plan to slip them into her sweater when leaving his room that night; a skill Inej had taught her for heists.

From there, she’d take a short trip by boat to the next island where she was sure no one would recognize the gloves.

It started off well as Kaz left his gloves on the table as he always did at night as he got ready for bed.

It was very late but she’d stayed up with him most nights so he didn’t question it.

When he returned from the restroom something felt off but upon seeing y/n had left and that her book remained on his desk, he assumed that was the cause behind the sensation he had.

He made a mental note to ensure she got it back the next night and went to bed.

It wasn’t until he woke up the next day and grabbed his cane and hat that he realized his gloves were missing.

Stuffing his hands into his pockets as to not dispel the rumors as to why he wore them, he went down the stairs without his cane.

“No cane today boss?” Jesper asked immediately.

Ignoring him, Kaz looked around his group of crows and a few close dregs.

“Where’s my g-“ he began to ask, stopping only one he saw y/n wasn’t present at the breakfast table.

“Where’s y/n?” He asks firmly, looking towards Nina and Inej.

“Wait! We’re you going to say where’s my girl?” Nina smirks

Inej smirks but rolls her eyes, “there’s no way he told her his feelings”.

Kaz glared at both of them, “that is not what I was going to say. My gloves are missing if you must know”.

Nina sighs and snuggles back into Matthias more.

Inej shakes her head, “typical, the poor girl will never know how you feel”.

“I don’t feel anything, Inej” Kaz growls.

“Sure” she rolls her eyes.

Kaz glares at her again before returning to his question, “now, where is she?!”.

Inej shrugs, “I took a nap after tracking Naxious earlier”.

“She didn’t say anything to you?” Kaz questions looking at her and Nina.

“No, maybe she just slept in” Nina suggests.

“Or didn’t want to deal with you” Matthias adds.

Kaz glares at them both but grinds his teeth as he mentally reviews their interactions from the day before to see if that could be true.

He knew she wasn’t in her room, her room being immediately next to his allowed him to feel her presence or lack thereof.

But perhaps he did something to upset her, it wouldn’t be the first time.

However this would be an extreme reaction for her; usually, he’d just get a few glares, snide comments, or the silent treatment.

Unable to find anything unusual between them last night, he looked over to Jesper who was oddly quiet.

Wylan notices before Jesper and taps him and starts pointing to Kaz.

“Something you need to say Jes?” Kaz squints.

“No” Jesper says, looking away.

Kaz rolls his eyes and walks closer, his fists clenched inside his coat pocket.

“You all expect me to believe she left here this early without anyone asking her where she was going?” Kaz says, his frustration clear in his tone.

“Didn’t need to” Jesper smirks, winking as he takes a bite of his eggs.

“Excuse me?” Kaz presses, stepping closer.

“You know, when you’re handsome and nice to her, she’ll just tell you” Jesper grins.

Kaz’s glare intensifies, “I’m not going to ask again Jesper”.

Jesper rolls his eyes, “she had an errand to run”.

“Where?” Kaz demands.

“She said something about taking the boat to-“ he begins but Kaz turns around and walks back to his room.

He puts on his other set of gloves, wiggling his fingers to loosen up the stiff leather, before he grabs his cane.

He ignores the glances and gossip from the other crows as he makes his way out of the Crow Club and to the docks.

His crew manning the harbor immediately notice his presence and turn to face him.

“I did not say to stop working” he complains, resulting in them promptly returning to work.

“Rotty” Kaz demands, the dreg in question turning to face him.

“She left about six hours ago” Rotty says, not needing Kaz to ask his question.

“Where?” Kaz presses, staring at the icy water before them.

“Newfoort” Rotty answers, tensing as he waits for Kaz’s reaction.

Kaz forces a sarcastic laugh, “I believe I misheard you. I thought you said Newfoort”.

Rotty bites his inner lip, “I did sir”.

Kaz’s hand tightens on the crow’s head of his cane as he stares at Rotty, “you let her get on a boat to Newfoort?”

“You said she was free to go as she pleased” Rotty says, regret flashing over his face right after.

Kaz forcefully sighs, but nods his head once, “I did”.

Kaz normally had restrictions as to who could use their boats and ships and where his dregs and crows could go and when. It was the easiest way to be aware of issues before they arose.

Rotty was in charge of watching their harbors for any violations and reporting them to Kaz or Inej.

Y/n was an exception; the only exception to this rule.

Kaz knew her past and didn’t want to repeat it or trigger anything for her.

She’d run away from an abusive home and ended up captured and held against her will until she fought her way out.

He could see how she’d always tried to hide how anxious she got whenever they were in confined spaces, locked in anywhere, in handcuffs or restraints, or simply having restrictions on her freedoms.

Kaz tried to keep her out of the missions where those were required as often as he could.

He also made sure to demand Rotty let her pass in and out of Ketterdam as she pleased.

He’d told y/n he would not be the one to keep her from going wherever she needed or wanted.

Yet, here he was, on the docks, ready to strangle Rotty for having followed his orders.

Kaz told himself it was simply because he needed his gloves back. But he knew better....

It wasn’t his gloves being missing that made him feel this way.

Even if it had been, he had his others on him now.

Instead, he knew it was a result of something he fought so hard to resist.

As much as he hated the feeling, he feared for y/n.

He feared for her safety, her feelings, and her life.

He would of course never say this to her, she deserved far better than him.

Someone more kind and considerate.

Someone who could comfort her, hold her hand, kiss her.

“Did she go alone?” Kaz asked, returning from his dazed state.

“No boss. Specht went with her” Rotty says.

Kaz shifts his jaw silently to hide his relief.

“Very well. See to it she returns to the slat upon her arrival” Kaz muttered, glancing at the mysterious island of Newfoort once more before turning to leave.

Y/n had intended to only be gone a handful of hours, hoping to be back and have his repaired gloves on his desk before he even woke.

However, the island was new to both her and Specht.

In fact, as far as she knew, no one in the Dregs, not even Kaz himself had set foot on this island.

As a result, navigating their way to the shop took more time than anticipated.

While Specht kept watch, she waited inside the shop, not wanting to risk something happening to the gloves.

It’d taken hours for them to fix them, but when they were done, she barely recognized them.

She smiled, handed the worker some Kruge in return, and tucked them into her pocket.

She kept her hand wrapped over the gloves as she and Specht got back into the boat for Ketterdam.

“You know, he’s going to be awake and pissed when we get back” Specht laughed, starting to row.

“Has it really been that long?” She question, looking up at the sky which had now begun to glow through the fog.

When she looked back at him, Specht was smirking.

“I don’t know why you do it” he mumbled, shaking his head.

“What do you mean?” She asks, leaning back to stretch her legs.

“Try to do nice things for him. He’s the Bastard of the Barrel” Specht points out.

“And? That means I can’t be nice?” She sighs, raising an eyebrow at him.

He laughs, “not necessarily. It just means he’s not going to appreciate it, you’ll never get a thank you”.

“I’m not doing it to get a thank you” she informs him.

“Oh, I know” Specht laughs, the smirk returning to his face.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She inquires, crossing her arms over her chest now tha they were far enough out that no one could reach the gloves in her pocket.

“You like him” Specht taunts.

“I do not” y/n states, not sounding believable in the slightest.

She’d developed a crush on Kaz long ago.

The crows knew it and would always say he returned the feelings but she knew better.

Even if she was someone Kaz would like, he wouldn’t allow himself to. No matter what Nina said about her noticing his heart flutter around y/n.

“You’re a horrible liar. I thought you were good at keeping secrets” Specht teases.

“I’ve been up for over thirty six hours, give me a break” she laughs, her cheeks flushing red.

“Fair enough. I still want to understand how you could fall for… well him” he laughs.

She sighs and shrugs, not wanting to get into it.

“Why do you care so much?” She asks, looking at the dark blue waves around them.

“I have a sister, I need to make sure she doesn’t make the same mistake” Specht says.

“Rude. But, I didn’t know you had a sister” y/n responds, gladly changing the subject.

---

Yawning as he enters the crow club, y/n grips the gloves in her pocket tightly.

“Hey! You’re back!” Nina cheers, running over and hugging y/n.

Y/n laughs and hugs her briefly, “I am, I see I’ve been missed”.

“Of course” Inej grins.

“Not nearly as much as Kaz missed you though” Jesper smirks.

“Shut up Jesp” y/n laughs, brushing off his typical comment.

“He is looking for you though” Wylan admits.

“I know. Rotty was sure to let me know my presence has been demanded upon my return” she says, rolling her eyes.

“Then why are you down there gossiping?” Kaz’s voice booms over all of them.

Each crow turns their head in his direction, Kaz standing firmly on the top step, his cane tight in his hand as he stares down at them, his eyes narrowing on y/n.

She shakes her head and whispers to the crows, “talk to you all later”.

They all mutter their versions of good luck wishes as she begins to approach the stairs.

Once she’s reached the bottom step and he looks her over once, Kaz turns and enters his room.

She sighs and follows after him.

Kaz is silent as she joins him and sits at his desk.

After a few moments of intense silence with Kaz, y/n leans back in her chair, “you wanted to see me?”

Kaz raises an eyebrow at her and nods once, “I believe you know why”.

“Because I left” y/n states.

Kaz squints his eyes and can’t hide the confusion that momentarily shows in them.

“No. I don’t care that you left “ Kaz corrects.

She scoffs quietly, “good to know Kaz”.

“Y/n” he sighs, running his hand down his face, “that’s not what I meant”.

She shrugs but refuses to make eye contact with him as she plays off how she’s feeling.

Kaz let’s out a loud sigh again, this time in realization she’s not going to help him direct the conversation.

“You are free to leave as you wish. I believed you knew that this whole time” he adds.

She simply raises her gaze until he’s able to see her eyes again.

“I will not restrict you. Not like-“ he says, unsure if he needs to it should continue.

She nods twice and curls the corner of her lips up as a small sign of gratitude.

Normally she wouldn’t be this hard on Kaz, but she’s exhausted from not sleeping in days and running around to make his life easier so she doesn’t feel too bad.

“I am not mad you left the harbor” Kaz summarizes, his eyes still trained on her.

“You’re mad I left without telling you” she suggests, tilting her chin up to look at him across the desk.

“I cannot say I was pleased by that. But no. I already stated I will not restrict you in that way” he defends, squeezing his hands together.

“Then why are you mad Kaz?” She sighs.

A million thoughts run through his head at her question.

Because she left with Specht and not him.

Because she didn’t want to tell Kaz where she was going or even that she was.

Because she did this in the middle of the night when he thought she was safe.

Because she didn’t tell any of the other crows enough details for him to know she was okay.

Because she went to an unknown island without any concern for her own well-being.

Yet, the only words he could get out expressed only the least off his concerns, “you stole my gloves”.

Y/N’s jaw drops briefly before she gives him a fake laugh, “I didn’t steal them Kaz. Saints, who do you think I am?!”

“A dreg, one of my crows. Stealing is what we do” Kaz argues, anger towards himself fueling his words.

“That’s it, isn’t it? A crow” she sighs, waving Kaz off before he can begin to speak again.

“That’s all I-... we ever will be to you isn’t it? You’ll never see us as your friends, will you?“ she says, her volume increasing as she pushes herself away from the table.

Kaz clenches his jaw as he holds back his argument about what it is he really wants, “I don’t need friends. Only the weak-“.

“Stop! I am not going to sit here and listen to this Kaz. I haven’t slept in nearly forty hours! I haven’t taken time to read the book I want to read. I hadn’t spoken to the others for more than a few minutes before you demanded I meet with you. I haven’t eaten since, I don’t even know when. And why?” She asks, palms hitting against the edge of his desk causing him to look down at her delicate hands.

“Because I’m weak. I’m weak Kaz. I’m weak because even though everyone says I shouldn’t, even though you say I shouldn’t, I care about you" she sighs.

"I’m weak because I want to hold on to some small positives in this dull world. I’m weak because I will always put others first. I’m weak because I want friends Kaz. But even more than that?” She says, her voice lowering now as his eyes return to her face.

Y/n frowns at the table before her, unable to make eye contact and yell at him at the same time.

“I’m weak because I wanted to be-. No, I’m sorry. I’m weak because I thought we were friends” she whispers, the break at the end of her sentence betraying her emotions.

Kaz swallows stiffly, clenching and unclenching his gloved hand as he debates grabbing her hand to comfort her.

“So here” she says, removing her hands from the table before his can reach towards them.

“The gloves I stole” she remarks, pulling them from her coat pocket and setting them down on the table between them.

Kaz’s eyes widen as he notices they are repaired, “y-you-“.

“Had them fixed, yeah” she rolls her eyes, “I will not ever know what they mean to you, but I knew they’re important so I had them repaired”.

“Y/n,” Kaz whispers, hating how he weak his surprise makes him sound.

“I know, I’m weak. But there, they’re fixed and this is done” she says, putting her hands back into her coat pocket.

Kaz watches as she begins to cross the room towards his door.

Unable to accept the idea of her leaving, especially when mad at him, he finally speaks up.

“You don’t understand” Kaz mutters, holding the repaired gloves in his hands tightly.

“Kaz I’m not doing this okay? I can’t keep arguing right now” she sighs, turning to face him.

“No. I am not arguing. I’m saying you don’t understand the meaning behind the gloves” he whispers, picking up his cane.

“I already told you that myself” she groans, reaching for the door handle.

“And yet, you went through all of that to fix them” Kaz says, taking a timid step towards her.

“Weak, I know. But! To be fair, I didn’t know you had a second pair” she says, pointing towards the set on his hands.

“That does not matter” Kaz says, suppressing a laugh at how quickly her demeanor changed for a split second, taking a few more steps to her.

“You want to know why I have them. But not for the same reasons as everyone else” He says, looking her over.

“I have no clue what that means, and I doubt I will. But, of course I want to know Kaz. I want to know your past, your interests and disinterests, I want to know you" she admits.

"Because I wanted to be your friend. I knew I may never know the story behind the gloves, but I thought it would be because it was too hard" she frowns to herself.

"But I realize now that I’ll never know anything about you because we won’t ever be friends” she bites her lip, shaking her head as she opens the door.

“I’ll tell you” Kaz blurts causing her to pause.

“You don’t n-“ she argues but he waves her off.

“I am well aware I don’t need to. I want to” he says, closing the distance so he can use his cane to press the door closed.

“No you don’t Kaz. You feel guilty, or whatever you tell yourself since you claim to not feel emotions. That’s something you tell a friend, and friends are for the weak “ She huffs.

Kaz shakes his head, his hair flicking the front of his forehead as he does, “I will tell you”.

“Why?” She presses, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Because you said that is what we do” he whispers.

“I said that’s what friends do” she corrects, raising an eyebrow at his simple nod in response, “and you want that? To be friends?”.

Kaz’s glance flickers to his shoes briefly before back to her and forces another nod.

Although tempted to press him to actually say it, y/n nods back, “we can be friends then Kaz, even if you don’t tell me the story”.

“I owe you-“ he argues, watching as she walks back to her seat at his table.

“You don’t owe me Kaz. All I did was get them cleaned and stitched” she laughs softly.

Kaz shakes his head, “you did more than that. You always do. I don’t owe you just for today”.

“Please” Kaz pauses, the unusual attempt to make a plea getting stuck in his throat, “let me tell you. You’re the one person I trust with this”.

Y/n sits up very rigidly in her seat as she watches Kaz hesitantly, “only if you want to”

“I do. I want you to know” Kaz says, shamefully glancing at his gloves, “I want you to know why… I can’t touch you”.

“Okay” She whispers, eyes glued on his as they look up from the floorboard to meet her’s.

Kaz takes a deep breath and sits down on the edge of his bed, closing his eyes so he cannot see her reaction to his trauma.

————

The second time was when they were discussing the plans for their next mission.

The plan was simple, y/n was to get in, analyze the situation, and get out.

Or that’s what Kaz ordered her to do anyways.

Jameson Zifran was the leader of the Legions, Ketterdamn’s newest gang.

Y/N’s mission was to get into his bar undercover as a pigeon and obtain information about who Zifran had hired to get intel on the Dregs.

Normally this would be something Inej would handle, but she was currently recovering from the last mission.

The Legions managed to find her hiding place and during their fight, they broke her leg; hence the need to find out how they got their intel.

Nina managed to repair it as much as she could, but if Inej wanted to remain the skilled spider she was, she needed to rest her leg for a few days.

Kaz was not pleased about the situation to say the least.

He was even less fond of the idea of sending y/n in Inej’s place.

Jesper had been the one to suggest it and earned one of Kaz’s signature death glares as a result.

Nevertheless, he knew she was their best option.

They needed to know who was watching Inej and how she didn’t realize it.

It was rare for someone to get the drop on Inej, and someone capable of doing so put all the crows at risk.

“Recite the plan” Kaz ordered, staring her down across his work desk.

Rolling her eyes, y/n picked at the skin on her nails, “get in, find Zifran, figure out his spider’s identity, enjoy some bubbly drinks, maybe grab a few of those gold pocket watches, and leave”.

Kaz’s stare formed into a glare as his bare hands pressed down on the table under his shoulders as he leaned towards her.

“Knock it off y/n, that’s not the plan and you damn well know it” he says, tension in his features causing a crease between his eyebrows.

Y/n smirked and looked up at him, “I know Kaz. I’m not an idiot or a child. I get in, get the identity of his spider, and get out”.

“Why do you have to do that?” Kaz groans, pressing himself back into his chair.

“Do what?” She asks, watching his body language for any hints to his actual emotions.

That was her main purpose in the crows, she was the best at the psychological components of their heists; finding someone’s emotional weakness within seconds, knowing their intimate fears, deepest desires, etc.

However, with Kaz Brekker, it was different.

Her skills allowed her to understand why he was the way he was; trauma and his body/brain putting up blocks to keep anyone and everything out for his safety.

Everyone thought he was this unjustifiably cruel, sadistic, uncaring, person; or demjin like Matthias called him.

But y/n knew better. She could see the way whatever happened in his past caused him to be this way.

To her, it all made sense. Even before she tried to understand him, she could feel he wasn’t the way they described.

Perhaps it was because he’d helped her get off the streets after managing to escape her captors.

She realized over time he likely knew who she was already and that her skills would be beneficial to his team. After all, she escaped a horde of large grown men on her own using what she knew to hit them where it hurt.

However, she could sense there was more there by the look he had in his eyes when he saw her covered in cuts and bruises the night they met.

His eyes had this look to them that signaled he wanted justice.

Kaz always called it revenge, but y/n saw it as a, slightly twisted, attempt at justice or retribution.

When Kaz opened up to her about his brother Jordie being the reason behind his desire to take Pekka down a few nights ago, she realized her long lasting assumptions were correct.

He acted the way he did in an attempt to reach whatever goal he was focused on.

With Pekka it was getting justice/revenge for Jordie, and himself, due to the betrayal and Kaz blaming him for his role in Jordie’s death.

Kaz hadn’t intended on telling anyone that story, let alone her.

He knew she somehow already saw him more positively than the others, and he wouldn’t couldn’t have that.

“Try to get on my nerves” Kaz grumbles, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I don’t think it’s called trying if it’s working” she smirks in an attempt to hide the brief hurt that flashes in her eyes at his comment.

Kaz notices and sighs but y/n speaks again before he can withdraw his remark.

“Nonetheless, it isn’t intentional. I’m just trying to not make this so intense and dramatic” she shrugs.

Kaz lowers his hand to his table and shakes his head, “you need to take this seriously”.

Y/n rolls her eyes and stands up, “I am. I know the plan. You don’t do this when it is Inej”.

Kaz’s gaze lifts from the table to her as she straightens her leather jacket.

“I do have her reiterate the plan” he defends.

“Not this many times Kaz. We’ve been in here for nearly an hour! I clearly know the plan. Why are you pushing me more than you would Inej?” She glares.

“You can’t do what Inej can do” Kaz blurts, instantly regretting it when he sees the hurt and sense of betrayal hit her.

“Then why the hell am I here why am I a dreg, a crow?” She shouts, stepping away from him.

Kaz closes his eyes tightly, he was not meaning literally.

He knew y/n was more than capable of performing at Inej’s level or above.

He just don’t want her hurt and Inej would take risks he couldn’t wouldn’t allow y/n to.

“Great answer Kaz” y/n says sarcastically, an overly fake smile on her face as she turns to him just as his eyes open.

Kaz opens his mouth to force himself to speak, unsure what words will come out, but unable to say nothing after seeing how he hurt her by his attempt to hide his feelings.

“Don’t. I know the plan Kaz. I need to change or I’ll be late” she says, opening his door and exiting.

Kaz grips the table in frustration and curses Jesper for suggesting she go in in the first place.

———

The third time was during the actual mission itself.

The plan started off well. Y/n had gotten into the private club in disguise with no trouble.

The problem was, they had no clue as to who the spider may be and the club was packed.

Y/n used it to her advantage as much as she could, blending herself in with the crowded bodies.

She pretended she’d drank too much and was overly friendly, many groups accepting her into their circles as they continued chatting freely.

It also allowed her to get closer to other groups near by and focus on their conversations without raising suspicion.

It was clear everyone thought she was too far gone to recall anything as she learned many secrets in the first few hours.

However, she hadn’t gotten closer to finding out the spider’s identity until one of the more gruff men just outside of her current huddle murmured something about someone matching Inej’s description.

Her interest peaked and she focused on his whispered words rather than those of the drunk girls surrounding her.

One of the men with her suspect laughed darkly, “oh that’s right. She’s Brekker’s bitch!”.

Y/N’s hands instinctively formed a fist at her side at the dig towards Inej but she didn’t let her face display any reaction.

If the second man barely realized Inej’s connection to Kaz, he wasn’t the spider himself.

Instead, it was likely the one who initiated the discussion in the first place.

“You should’ve seen the way she squirmed when the bullet hit her” he said, his eyes dark, “so much for being the best. She was too easy”.

Y/n bit her inner lip to keep her anger at bay as she listened to the men drone on about the situation.

She knew this would be a possibility, so much so it was part of the plan.

Most spiders, although sneaky, loved to brag about how good they were at getting intel.

Add in the fact that they had gotten to Kaz’s, the "bastard of the barrel"’s spider, and you’ve got a strong chance for cocky men to expose their actions freely.

What she hadn’t accounted for was the anger and disgust that formed in her.

The men went on about their -less than pure- intentions with Inej that night.

It didn’t surprise her that they said these things, Inej was gorgeous and the men had already said they were surprised someone “as beautiful as she was would be Kaz’s spider”.

Plus, most men in Ketterdam were less than pure or caring of consent.

However, knowing Inej’s past and recalling the look her eyes held when y/n found her that night, told her Inej knew what was about to happen had y/n gotten to her any later.

Nausea fought with her anger as if her body were deciding whether to get justice for Inej or hide away from the whole situation like she would’ve years ago.

But y/n wasn’t that person anymore.

Plus, their bragging refreshed the horror y/n felt that night.

Kaz sent Y/n to check on Inej for having missed her check in and they’d come upon a blood-covered Inej, her leg bent wrong as she was frozen on the ground, her own blade pressed to her chest.

The men were in hoods and had the lower half of their faces covered with cloth to conceal their identity.

But they were struggling with Inej to keep her from pressing her own blade into her chest to escape the situation.

The empty and dissociated look in Inej’s eyes, her severely injured body, and the weight of what she was willing to do to escape, nearly made y/n collapse seeing her best friend in that state.

Seeing y/n, they ran off quickly before she was in range to strike them as she had her sword on her but not her guns.

They’d all assumed Inej was fine when she went to check on her so she didn’t bother packing her guns.

She preferred her sword anyways but that night she regretted it.

Instead of chasing after them, she dragged Inej to a hiding place and began to apply pressure to her wounds.

She knew she’d never make it back to the slat with Inej in the state she was in so she elected to wait for Kaz to come after her when y/n missed her own check in.

She made it as far as she could, hiding them just out of sight from the spot Kaz first found y/n years ago.

She knew Kaz would check there first.

They’d established the place as a meeting point whenever a mission would go wrong or separate the two of them.

She wanted to change the meaning of the location from her traumatic experience into less triggering when she’d have to pass so Kaz suggested that should something happen this location could be a sign of her strength and how far she’d come and that should she need it, support would still find her here.

It was the first time he truly surprised her.

She’d seen his deep understanding of her apprehension to the spot and his caring intent to change it to a more positive place for her.

He of course claimed it made it easier to ensure she did her job right, but she could tell it was because he understood her.

Therefore, it hadn’t taken long for Kaz to know where to check and drag Jesper with him to track down the two of them hiding in that alley.

He knew something was wrong, neither one missed check ins.

For both of them to do so in the same night caused a huge sense of doom to form within him.

As his cane echoed down the street, y/n lifted from her position and waved them down for help.

Since then, despite Inej being on bed rest and Nina not wanting to leave her side, Inej had tried to reassure y/n she was okay.

However, tonight, the bragging men caused those emotions, concern, fury, etc. to return at an even higher volume now.

It was then that she understood why Kaz labeled it as revenge rather than justice.

She didn’t want to make it equal as justice would suggest.

She wanted to make them pay.

Make them understand not to mess with her friends/those she cares about.

Make them suffer the way Inej had.

Call it what you will, justice or revenge, either way it was the only thing on her mind at this moment.

She had to leave her weapons behind, one of Kaz’s biggest reasons for concern, but she knew how to fight without them.

She excused herself from her group and made her way to the men.

She kept up her act and fake flirted with the man she believed was the spider.

She dragged her fingers along the cusp of his sleeve as she walked past him, her intent being to get him away from the others when she stepped outside.

However, she actions exposed a ragged scar on the back of his forearm that triggered a memory she wasn’t expecting.

She hadn’t recalled it that night, her adrenaline pushing logic from her brain, but when struggling with Inej, the man’s sleeve rolled up to show a scar, that same scar.

She was correct, he was the spider, her target.

She knew she was to leave and tell Kaz; letting him deal with it.

But the burning anger in her kept her from letting him be the one to get to have revenge.

After all, he said she couldn’t do what Inej could; maybe it was time she prove otherwise.

The man easily fell for her trap and followed her outside, away from the others.

As soon as he stepped out, y/n had him pinned against the exterior wall of the club.

“What the-“ the man gasped, anger flashing in his eyes within seconds.

“You thought you’d get away with hurting her?” y/n asks, kneeing him in the groin.

The man doubles over as he curses at her, grabbing her leg to pull her down.

Y/n removes her leg from his grip and uses the same leg to pin him to the ground with a swift kick.

“Hey!” Someone shouts from the distance.

Y/n looks over and glares at the person as they run back into the club, likely to get others.

“This is over that bi-“ the spider begins, coughing slightly.

“I don’t suggest finishing that remark” she growls, digging her heel into his back.

She knows she has no chance of winning this.

Maybe if she had her weapons, or the other crows at least.

However, the mission did not allow for either of those hence why she wasn’t supposed to be doing this.

But she couldn’t help it. She didn’t know what her plan was exactly.

She didn’t know how she was planning on making him pay for what he did to Inej when she didn’t have her weapons to hurt him in the way she wanted.

She also couldn’t use her skill of understanding his psychology because she just met him.

She knew nothing about him, not his name, not his age, nothing other than what he was responsible for.

She relied on Inej’s intel on their opponents to be able to manipulate them.

Yes, she has the skill to figure things out herself as well, but it has dwindled since joining the dregs and crows.

Kaz limited her opportunities to obtain intel.

He never said why, but he wouldn’t let her get it herself, she was to only use the intel that Inej found.

She never asked him why as she could tell it was important to him so she just accepted it.

However, after what he said earlier today, she couldn’t help but think it might have to do with how she stacked up compared to Inej.

This turmoil in her brain didn’t help her already lacking focus caused by her lack of resources.

As a result, she didn’t hear when someone came behind her until she was pulled backwards.

As she turned and punched the person holding her until he let her go, all hell broke loose.

It took her a few moments to understand why other people were fighting against her attackers.

It was only once she heard the signature whipping sound of Kaz’s cane cutting through the air as he began striking the person who grabbed her that she noticed back up had arrived.

Y/n smirked and made her way back to the man with the scar, still furious but now a clearer focus.

“Y/n/n” Jesper yells, tossing her her sword before he goes back to shooting another legion crew member.

She nods once and swings at the man, instantly slicing his abdomen.

Just as she was about to draw her sword back and strike him again, she feels a bullet graze her upper arm.

She winces but as she turns to attack whoever shot her, she notices Kaz has beaten her to it, that man now in a bloody curled-up position under his cane as Kaz towers over him.

Y/n makes eye contact with Kaz as he looks towards her to check on her status, noticing his anger even as he looks at her.

"You just had to do this didn't you?" Kaz grumbles, his fear from moments ago only increasing when she was struck.

"Not the time Kaz" she remarks, turning back to her target, the spider responsible for Inej's pain.

"I told you not to do this" Kaz argues, knocking another person down behind her as more people pour out of the club.

She ignores him and digs her heel back into the spider's thigh, making him shout.

"Enough Kaz, she's right now is not the time, the plan is over" Matthias argues from somewhere off to the side.

"It is not my fault she thought she could take them on alone" Kaz remarks in frustration at her lack of concern for herself.

Y/n turns to glare at Kaz for once again insulting her, even though she can tell he did not mean it the way it came across.

She can see it each time in his reaction to her response to his remarks, but it does not stop the pain.

While she is distracted, the spider is able to grab her leg and try to pull her to the ground.

She stumbles, catching herself barely against the wall behind him as she tries to stay standing.

“Jes” Kaz growls before making some signal y/n doesn’t recognize.

Thanks to Jesper’s sharpshooting and Wylan’s explosives, it only takes about twenty seconds until Kaz and Matthias are able to drag y/n away from the scene.

Well, Matthias had thrown her over his shoulder at Kaz’s demand and was leading her back to the slat.

Meanwhile, Kaz spared her one last angry look before turning his gaze back to the Legion’s spider.

———

Nina immediately fixed up y/n’s scrapes from the fight prior to being dragged away from it.

“He’s mad” Inej says, unnecessarily wrapping y/n’s arm with cloth.

“Kaz? When isn’t he?” Y/n murmured, her frustration of being removed from the fight clear in her voice and words.

“At you? Not as often as he is at the rest of us” Inej smirks, gently rubbing the cloth until it holds.

Y/n rolls her eyes, “ Why am I here?”

“This is your home” Nina scoffs, moving towards y/n’s swollen ankle; it’s clear she doesn’t wear heels often- let alone fight in them-.

“That’s not what I’m saying Nina. We were in the middle of a fight and your brawny boyfriend literally carried me out!” Y/n says, glaring over at Matthias who is sitting silently next to them.

“I had orders y/n. It wasn’t personal” he sighs.

“Since when do you listen to Kaz’s orders without question?” She argues, pushing each heel off with her opposite foot.

“It was clear he was not asking” he defends.

“He never really is” y/n points out.

“This was different” Matthias rebuts, causing Inej and Nina both to smirk.

Y/n rolls her eyes, “I’m not in the mood for this. Think what you will, but he only did this because be doesn’t think I’m capable”.

“That’s not true y/n” inej frowns, “besides, even if so, we believe in you”.

Y/n gives her a soft smile and nod, “thanks”.

“No, thank you. You didn’t need to-“ Inej starts, her tone displaying her guilt as if she caused all of this to happen.

“Please don’t thank me. Especially when Kaz didn’t even let me actually get revenge” y/n groans, standing up.

“Besides, no one gets to hurt you,” she looks around the portion of crows currently present and adds, “any of you”.

Before anyone can respond, she walks away and up to Kaz’s room.

Y/n crosses her arms as she throws herself into his chair to wait for him to scold her or ignore her in some passive aggressive response because he cannot just say what he is thinking and feeling.

———

It was once he made it back to the slat that night that he confessed how he felt to her.

He was not intending to, instead he wanted to ignore her and the feelings he felt that night.

He wanted to pretend none of it happened, and that if it had, it did not impact him at all.

Y/n was sitting at his desk, seemingly expecting Kaz’s normal silent treatment that a crow would get for messing up a heist or task.

However, the moment Kaz walks in, he slams his hands on the table and begins to verbally scold her behavior.

"What the hell were you thinking?!” He asks, refusing to look at her.

“Me?! You’re the one who interrupted!” She snaps.

“Because you deviated from the plan” Kaz says, trying to balance his voice and tone.

“The plan was stupid” y/n scoffs.

“Excuse me?” Kaz questions, his eyes moving closer to her but not quite looking at her.

“I said, the plan was stupid. You really expected me to not want to make him pay?! He hurt Inej! Yet your stupid damn plan was for me to do nothing?!” Y/n shouts, standing up to be more level with him.

“Yes and you deviated from it” Kaz says, his voice balanced now .

“I already admitted that! But you did too!” She remarks.

“Because you did first!” Kaz says, his tone raising with his anger again.

“You’re the one who is mad anyone deviated but it’s fine when you do it? Why?!” She yells, glaring at him.

“Because you could've been killed! " he snaps, his eyes looking her over Before landing on her arm.

“I wasn’t” she sighs.

“But you could have!” Kaz says, no longer trying to control his tone or voice.

“Why do you care Kaz?!” She asks, shaking her head.

“Because” He growls, “you are important”.

Y/n watches him for a moment, trying to figure out his meaning.

“How so?” She asks, unable to read him.

Kaz’s eyes flicker to her briefly, showing her the pain and fear behind his anger.

Looking back down at the desk he says, “it’s simple. You serve a role”.

Y/n scoffs in shock and offense, “don’t lie Kaz. You said earlier, I can’t do what Inej can do! I clearly don’t serve a role here “.

Kaz huffs, pressing himself off the table until he’s no longer leaning in it, “y/n… You underestimate your importance”.

“Inej can handle whatever the crows need on a mission if I’m gone or something happens to me” y/n says, causing Kaz to glare at her.

“I don’t care about the mission” he says, his lips forming a tight straight line.

“Saints Kaz, you and I both know that’s not true” She laughs sarcastically, “the most important thing to you is the mission, especially if it means more Kruge”.

Kaz runs his gloves hand down his face as he stares at her and shakes his head, “Y/n. Don’t be naive. You underestimate your importance…; to me”.

Y/n forces out a gust of air as she stares at Kaz in shock.

Is he actually saying he cares about someone, about her?

“You…” she begins, shaking her head as if it’ll clear her mind, “you said Inej is better. I can’t be the important one if she’s better”.

“I didn’t say she was better” Kaz rolls his eyes.

“You said I can’t-“ she defends.

“I know what I said” Kaz scoffs, “I said, you cannot do what Inej can”.

Y/n nods, raising an eyebrow at him to signal him to explain.

“I did not say you weren’t capable of doing what she can. You are more than capable. But you cannot because I won’t have you doing that. You did that tonight, and-“ he sighs, waving his hand at her arm.

“You didn’t mean that she was more skilled?” Y/n questions quietly.

Kaz frowns, a reaction he only lets her see in private on rare occasions.

Sure he scowls around others, but he doesn’t frown in response to anyone or anything as it displays his emotions; something he only will do around her every now and then.

“No” he says, his heart racing as she smiles at his confession, “you can handle the same situations. But I confess I’m not comfortable with it”.

“Because you care about me?” She whispers, stepping closer to him.

He closes his eyes and nods once, y/n noticing his reluctance to show his feelings.

“I know you think it’s a weakness to care about someone Kaz” y/n sighs, stepping close to him without touching him at all.

“But that’s what being friends means” y/n adds, turning her head towards him.

“That’s not it” Kaz sighs, looking at her.

“What do you mean?” She asks, Kaz hearing her sympathy in her tone and concern in her eyes; concern for him.

“You underestimate your importance to me yet again” He whispers, his eyes scanning every detail of her face.

Y/n smiles and despite neither of them having lit the room, he can see her blush.

Kaz hates the fact that he feels the way he does as it puts them both in danger, but her reaction pushes those fears away for the moment.

Kaz shakingly reaches out and cautiously touches her cloth wrap with his gloved hand.

“I’m okay Kaz” she laughs softly, removing the wrap Inej placed over the area the bullet grazed her.

Nina’s healing caused most of it to be fixed already, leaving only a small raised red line from inflammation.

She knew Inej was aware she didn’t need the bandage but that it told help her feel better about y/n’s injury so she let her.

However, now it was time to reassure Kaz by showing him she was okay.

Kaz silently looked over her arm, his gloved fingers hovering over it as he steadied his breath.

“Don’t do it again” Kaz says gruffly, lowering his hand and stepping back.

“First of all, where is the please?” Y/n smirks, crossing her arms over her chest.

Kaz laughs one genuine laugh, making her smile at him.

“Please, my dear y/n, don’t do it again” he says gently, surprising y/n by the lack of sarcasm in his voice.

“Do what Kaz?” She asks, her soft eyes resting on his.

“Underestimate your importance to me” He responds, abruptly moving to the sink to wash up from the fight.

Y/n grins to herself, “okay Kaz”.

Kaz glances back at her, his normally intense eyes now calm.

His feelings for her might terrify him.

And he may not have officially, fully, or conventionally confessed his feelings to her.

But he knows she at least now has some semblance of understanding as to why he won’t let her take on the riskier tasks. Meaning he knows she’ll be less likely to be reckless, which makes him calm a little.

That plus the surge of warmth in his chest at her non verbal reciprocation to his confession is all he needs to realize that whatever the risks, she’s worth it to him.

-----

That was a bit long haha but I hope you enjoyed it!

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