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olderjustneverwiser · 2 years

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I Burn for You, You Burn for Me (Steve Harrington)

Fictional boyfriends come and go, and I guess now it's Stevie's turn. Based off of Dermot Kennedy's new song Kiss Me, which is a phenomenal song, and everyone should go and listen to it.

Masterlist

Set after S4 Vol 1. Friends to lovers with a hefty dash of angst and hurt/comfort. Has this been done with Steve yet? Probably, but do I care? Not really because I love this fucking trope and no one will ever stop me from writing it.

Word count: 2.5K

Also, when did I start putting song lyrics at the beginning of every fic? Idk, it's who I am now I guess.

Enjoy!

Let this night invade my lungs, you're all I want to breathe Right beside the lake, I burn for you, you burn for me

So kiss me the way that you would If we died tonight

The ride home from the lake was quiet.

Too many exhausted bodies in the car and horrors replaying in the minds of you and your friends. No one wanted to speak, and it's not like Steve needed directions for where to drop everyone off anyway. The only words spoken were quiet goodbyes once he got to each house, the scared, tired voices of your friends breaking the silence at Nancy's house, then Robin's.

You had barely managed small hums of acknowledgement with each goodbye. The night had left you feeling broken, tears had threatened to fall since landing in the Upside Down and you feared that anything more would allow the floodgates to open. So, you stayed silent, tried to focus and keep your breathing regulated. Tried not to think about the pain from your inguries or the gash on Steve's stomach.

Steve drove right past your street and continued the drive on his own without even having to ask, he already knew where you wanted to go. His place was calm and empty; free of concerned parents asking too many questions neither of you could answer. You also really just wanted to be with Steve at this moment. He had always been your best friend, your safety net. Had been ever since you were both young and ignorant about what was going on underneath your town. Although he had been something more to you for quite some time now.

He didn't have to know that, though. He never said anything to make you think he thought of you as anything more, so you’d be damned if you’d be the one to bring it up and risk everything. You would just keep that little secret all to yourself even if it killed you.

You could feel his gaze on you as he pulled into his driveway. He was worried about you, that much was obvious. You had barely spoken a word since finding him under the water. Apart from screams of pain and a babbled, repeated mantra of "You're okay, you're okay" whispered into Steve's hair as you held him, you had been silent. Thinking. Replaying the awful scene in your head.

Steve flicked on the foyer light once you were both inside and the sudden brightness made you squint. The iridescent bulbs seemed too bright compared to the darkness you all had been shrouded in for hours. They stung your eyes, and you resented how they illuminated Steve's injuries. You were unable to ignore them in this harsh light or pretend that they didn’t exist. There were too many bite marks from those fucking creatures; too much dried blood and muck.

You turned your gaze away from him, but all that managed to accomplish was replace the current state of him with what you found in the Upside Down. You could still hear the sound the bats made as they clawed at his skin, still see them taking chunks out of him. Even worse, you could still feel the way your stomach sank as you saw him writhing, damn near dying in front of you.

Steve must have sensed your discomfort because he was at your side in an instant, wrapping strong arms around you and repeating your words from earlier in the night.

"It's alright, it's over for now," he said softly into your hair. “Hey, let’s go get washed up. It’ll make us feel better, yeah?” Even though all you wanted was to crash in his bed or into him, you were too tired to argue, so you agreed. The two of you went through the motions in silence, taking the stairs hand in hand, gathering towels and shampoo. Steve knew you didn't want to be alone so he gave your hand a final squeeze as he led you to his parent's bathroom, promising he'd be as quick as he could as he turned to go to his room.

Once in the bright bathroom, you turned the heat up on the water, shedding your filthy clothes and slowly standing under the hot spray, watching as swirls the color of rust flowed down the drain. The water scalded your skin and irritated your wounds but you scrubbed anyway, anything to get the feeling of that place off of your body. Your dirty fingernails scratched your scalp and you wished the memories of this awful night could be washed away as easily as the grime leaving your body.

They couldn't, and you knew that. It wasn't going to stop you from trying, though.

The truth was, the mental scars from the night would last far longer than the bite marks and rope burns that littered your arms, you face, your thigh. Steve being dragged under the water and his screams of anguish as those things bit at him were imprinted in your mind. Not to mention the sight of him being mauled in the Upside Down; the sight of what you thought was your best friend dying in front of you was sure to stay in the forefront of your mind. It was all you thought about in the car ride, all you could think about now in the hot steam of the shower.

Steve was here, and he was alive, but the feelings of despair and hopelessness still remained.

A loud knock on the bathroom door tore you out of your thoughts, no doubt Steve seeing if you were okay. You flicked the tap off, only to let Steve know that he didn't have any reason to worry.

Well, any more reason than he would normally have after a night like this.

"Hey, I left some clean clothes for you on the counter." Steve's voice broke through the silence that followed, "We should probably clean our cuts, too. No tellin' what those fuckers infected us with."

Your voice was scratchy as you yelled out an 'okay' and as you left the shower in reach of the clean clothes, you caught your reflection. It made you stop; you looked so much older than you actually were and you were sure that tonight's events didn't help your appearance. Not only did you look older but you felt older, in both your body and in your mind. Your group of friends had all gone through a lot; too much for your age, and it showed.

You shrugged the clothes on as quickly as your tired body would allow, knowing they were Steve's and that they'd bring you some semblance of peace. Just simple shorts and an old Hawkins High tee, but they smelled like his mom's laundry detergent and his cologne and shampoo.

They smelled like Steve, a safe place.

"You can come in, Steve," you called out while searching in his mother's bathroom closet for first aid supplies. When you finally found them Steve stepped into the bathroom, and the sight of him made you gasp. Dirt and blood no longer covered his injuries and his clean skin allowed them all to show on his skin. Angry pink and red bite marks on his arms, his chest. The awful mark on his neck from when he was choking. They made you sick.

If Steve noticed your staring he didn't say anything about it. He was too busy staring right back at you, guilt bubbling up in his chest because you were hurt because of him. Shaking his head after a beat, seemingly shaking the thoughts out of his mind, he grabbed the peroxide and cotton balls from you.

"Hop up on the counter, let's clean those bites," he ordered, voice low but soft.

"Steve, look at you. You need this way more than I do-"

"You really gonna argue with me on this? You're getting looked at first, Sweetness." You knew it was fruitless to argue with him when he was in his caretaker mode, so you did as he asked, your bones aching as you maneuvered yourself onto the vanity. This height gave you the perfect view of his face, his deep brown eyes. He was close, and you could smell mint toothpaste on his breath.

The closeness between you also allowed you to really study him as you had found yourself doing more and more lately. If you thought you had changed in the past few years, it was nothing compared to how Steve carried himself or treated those around him.

He was no longer 'King' Steve Harrington, resident asshole of Hawkins High. Somewhere between minimum wage jobs and losing fist fights and battling literal monsters, Steve had grown into a man. Sure, he was still Steve deep down, but he was once again the Steve you knew before he cared about popularity and his daddy's money. He cared about his friends more than how many notches he could get on his belt. Doing things by himself and for others was more important than skating by on his good looks and charisma. He was the Steve you fell for when you were both thirteen, before his shoulders got broader, his hair got better and he had his first kiss behind the school gym.

His expression was unreadable as his gaze fell from bite to bite on your face and arms. It was one you had seen him wear often around you but you could never figure out what he was thinking when he wore it. Sometimes it looked a lot like yearning; you were sure it mirrored the looks you saved for him, but you tried not to think about that too often. Thinking about it would only hurt your heart.

But before you could allow your mind to go there, he blinked whatever thoughts away and prepped some cotton balls for you.

"This is gonna sting," he whispered apologetically right before pressing it to your temple. The pain was instantaneous; a sharp sting that you felt right down to your bones and it made you hiss, your body tense. Steve grimaced as he moved from bite to bite, whispering apologies after every one and promised he’d be finished soon. His free hand flew to your knee to ground you, the warmth it offered spread throughout your tired body. It really wasn’t fair, this effect he’d always had on you.

"You really shouldn't have jumped in after me, y'know." He didn't sound angry as he tossed the used cotton into the trash, more like annoyed, worried. Scared and relieved all at the same time.

You still rolled your eyes, you’d expected this. "It's not like any one of us would have let you just stay under without going after you."

"It's just, you shouldn't have even been in the boat. I told you to stay behind with the kids."

"You really think I wasn't going to go with you?"

"You shouldn't have come with me," Steve sighed, rubbing at his face with his free hand. "All I'm saying is when you're there, keeping you safe is all I can think about. You scared the piss outta me tonight, I didn't think we were gonna make it out of that place. I just didn't want you to have to go through that again. Not ‘cause of me"

He had that look again; an almost pained expression as his eyes bore into yours and his grip on your knee tightened. The more you returned his gaze the harder you tried to decipher the way he was looking at you and the way he always looked at you.

In that moment, it felt a lot like the way you looked at him. It felt a lot like love.

A small part of your brain urged you to stop and think about your next words, but you were just so tired from the events of the night and tired of pretending that you weren't in love with your best friend. Tired of the 'what ifs' and 'will we evers'.

"Steve, you know what I was thinking after you got dragged under the water?" He kept silent, awaiting your answer. "All I could think about was that you were alone, and scared, and I thought you were dying. What would I have done if that was the final time I'd ever get to see you? I didn't even have to think about following you."

You took a breath before continuing, "I just did it because you're my best friend and I love you. I jumped in and fought next to you because I love you. I don't know when my feelings turned into something more, and I tried to deny them for so long, but I just can't." You finished, quickly before your nerves caught up to you.

He stayed silent for a second, shock and surprise enveloping his features. Apart from that he was impossible to read and for those first few seconds you waited with bated breath, worried that you'd just fucked everything up. But then his hands flew to your face, cupping your jaw in a way that was way too loving to be platonic.

"You love me?" He breathed out, searching your face for any hint of trickery he could see. Of course, he found none. All he managed to find was flushed cheeks, wide, hopeful eyes and love. And you had never seen him look so relieved, so content.

All you could offer him was a nod. You felt frozen; still terrified because Steve was your best friend and even though you had fought monsters together just hours prior, this is what scared you the most. The uncertainty, the fear that you'd learn he didn't love you in that way, that you would lose him because of this. But suddenly he was closing the gap between you, the smell of mint and his shampoo enveloping you and then Steve slowly, teasingly, pressed his lips to yours.

It was a desperate kiss, an, 'Oh God we almost missed out on this' sort of kiss that made your toes curl and your heart swell in your chest. Steve pulled away, pressing one, two, three more quick pecks to your lips before resting his forehead against yours. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," he sighed, smile wide, looking as though you'd just given him the fucking world.

He kissed you again, then again, until you were both breathless and smiling more than kissing because you were both so full of love for eachother. In those few moments of bliss, the two of you didn’t think about the other world under your town or what was to come, only what was right in front of you.

The world didn't seem so dark and scary then.

"And in case it wasn't obvious, I'm in love with you, too."

#steve harrington #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fic #steve harrington imagine #stranger things #st fic #dermot kennedy #joe keery #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington angst

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charliedawn · 2 years

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Eddie Munson x Reader

(I saw a theory that Eddie might be Number 10 and I based this story over that theory. Enjoy.)

Every night.

It replayed in your mind. Over and over again.

The screams and suffering of the other residents of Hawkins National Laboratory filling your ears, making them bleed. The hurling alarm and the screams of staff members being torn to shreds mixed with their horrid screams of pain and death. Your shivering form huddled in the corner of a wide white room, forced to hide and listen to everyone dying on the other side.

It was excruciating.

You were haunted by the dying screams of your siblings and suddenly, you woke up and desperately gasped for air.

It was the third time this week..

The third night you were haunted by the ghosts of your past.

Flashback :

You used to be considered as powerless by many of the scientists your Papa worked with, but Papa always believed in you. One day, he decided that interacting with one of your pairs may help you develop your talents. You agreed vividly and was eager to finally meet one of your siblings as well as make Papa proud. He protected you, or so you had always thought until the incident.

You were to have your first contact with one of your siblings and Papa thought to meet Number 1 would be the perfect introduction and to see your reaction to another patient.

You were excited and grinned from ear to ear on your way there, impatient to finally meet another person like you, but also incredibly nervous. Papa could feel your impatience and squeezed your hand lightly with a knowing smile.

"Don’t be nervous. I’m sure he’ll like you."

You beamed at him and when you stopped in front of a door identical to yours, you were convinced that you would find in Number 1 an equal and even a friend..However, when Papa released your hand and opened the door, your confidence vanished, replaced by a terrible fear in your gut that made you hide behind Papa. Number 1 was standing perfectly still in the middle of the room and his eyes were already staring at you. There was something incredibly wrong about him and you tightened your grip on Papa’s shirt..

"Come on in, little one. I don’t bite."

Number 1 tried to coax you with a sweet smile, but your initial feeling about him only grew and it made shivers crawl down your spine. Papa gave you a worried glance and gently lead you forward.

"Come on, daughter. Let us begin."

You wanted to beg Papa not to leave you alone with the man. He was scary and you shook your head stubbornly. Papa frowned disapprovingly and raised a finger warningly.

"One.."

You still held onto him and refused to let go.

"Two.."

He raised a second finger and you closed your eyes, bracing yourself for the pain. You knew what happened when you disobeyed Papa, it didn’t make you any more prepared though. When he used the remote control in his pocket to send electric shocks through your collar, you fell to the floor and writhed in pain on the cold floor, hot tears running down your cheeks, until the pain stopped.

Papa knelt next to you and grabbed the back of your neck to get you to stand up.

"Are we ready to begin now, daughter ?"

You still had tears in your eyes and considered begging him, but you knew your pleas would fall into deaf ears and had no choice but to agree. You were so impatient before, but now, you wanted to be anywhere but here. You nodded slowly before advancing cautiously inside the room.

Number 1 was still waiting for you with a sickening sweet smile and extended his hand towards you.

"Number 1. It’s a pleasure to meet you, sister."

The word ‘sister’ felt wrong coming from his lips and you didn’t dare step forward to even take his hand. But, you then heard Papa’s voice from the different speakers present in the room.

"Daughter..Play nice."

You sighed in defeat before taking a tentative step forward and raising your trembling hand to greet him. However, Number 1 frowned unsatisfactorily at your simple wave of greeting and in three long strides, was invading your personal bubble.

"Are you afraid of me, little one ?"

He asked with a curious tilt of his head and you looked away, finding it impossible to hold his inquisitive stare. You were afraid, terribly afraid and it was a miracle you weren’t already passed out by the presence of his deeply disturbing energy alone. Number 1 wasn’t impressed by your lack of answer, and neither was Papa who spoke again.

"Answer the question, daughter."

You closed your eyes and cried out.

"Yes ! I’m afraid of you !"

There was dead silence in the room for a couple of seconds until Number 1 asked.

"Why ?"

You didn’t answer and after a moment, Number 1 stood so close to you, you could feel his breath on your face as he repeated louder and more firmly.

"Why ?!"

You winced at his unempathetic tone and huddled yourself in a corner of the room to break into sobs under Number 1’s cold and unforgiving gaze.

You could feel Number 1’s interest in you grow and your distaste for him with it. He was studying you, staring at you with unhealthy interest and turning around you like a predator around its next prey. You felt a knot in your throat because of the unspeakable fear taking over you and his eyes relentlessly fixed on you. Your fear for him wasn’t like anything you had ever felt before.

It was primal, instinctive.

He was waiting for an answer, but when he realised he wouldn’t get one, he looked in the direction of where he knew Papa was watching the both of you.

He waited for permission to touch you, you realised and gave a pleading look in the direction where Number 1 was staring at.

"Don’t do this, Papa."

You begged him, but Papa wasn’t understanding or merciful when it came to his experiments, and you were no different.

"Proceed."

Your eyes widened at Papa’s instruction and you tried to get away, run before he could catch you, but you underestimated Number 1’s reflexes. He quickly grabbed your wrist before you could get away and it made you snap your head back towards him, your heart beating a thousand times a minute. He yanked you back and trapped you beneath him before you could protest and your pleads fell into deaf ears as you screamed.

"Let me go ! No ! Please ! Don’t touch me ! Papa ! Don’t let him do this !"

But, you then kept still and Number 1 was surprised, wondering if you had finally come to your senses ? However, he was then yanked back by an invisible force, stronger than any of the mind force fields he had ever faced before with any of the other kids.

Suddenly, you felt all that power surge through you and Number 1 groaned loudly in surprise and pain as you started sucking his very essence out of his body. Papa was watching with great interest as you floated up in the air and raised your hand to suck Number 1’s energy. He was right about you. You were holding back and one interaction with Number 1 released all of your self-restrains.

"Fascinating.."

He muttered as he took notes of the results and he smiled as Number 1 seemed to truly struggle into keeping you at bay. Number 1 was struggling. An interesting development that would surely prove useful later..

However, far from feeling threatened or backing away, Number 1 welcomed your attack and the pain it caused him. He even opened his arms wide and stood back up. Even though you seemed to be feeding on his powers, he didn’t look afraid. He even chuckled darkly before tilting your head up so you may look in each other’s eyes. He then gave you a sadistic satisfied grin and didn’t cower from your touch as you tightened your grip on him and devoured waves of his powers one after the other, unable to stop yourself.

"Greedy girl..", he called you and you shivered, suddenly desperate to get out of his grip, but he didn’t let you. He kept you in place and whispered in your ear.

"Take your fill. I give it to you. All to you."

He knew the hold he had on you and took advantage of it, relished in it. He took sadistic pleasure in watching such a tiny little thing take him as its source of energy.

It was terrifyingly exhilarating.

However, he was disappointed when you couldn’t hold on any longer and passed out. He caught you in his arms and then, Dr Brenner ran in. Number 1 looked up at him and held you closer to him, almost protectively as he flashed the doctor a bloody grin.

"I like her.."

It was only a few weeks before the slaughter.

But..Papa had instructed you to stay in your room after your incident with Number 1, locking you up until he was sure you wouldn’t be a danger to the other children. If you had succeeded in sucking a large part of Number 1’s powers, he didn’t want to risk endangering the other children.

‘The weakling’, you heard some of your siblings call you in the dark of the night when they past near your cell.

You didn’t mind.

It was better they thought you as weak than dangerous..

You were never brought forth or participated in the games, so nobody knew of your existence other than by rumours or occasional discussions with the guards.

Papa even denied your existence.

But, everything changed when you met Number 10.

It had started after another examination from Papa who still held the hope that you would show the same talent you had demonstrated during your brief interaction with Number 1, but was once more disappointed when you couldn’t even levitate a paper cup.

He still patted your shoulder encouragingly though, showing you the fatherly affection and care you needed.

"Don’t worry. You will get it eventually."

You smiled weakly, even though you wanted nothing more than to make him proud. You wanted to participate in the different games and tests with the others..But, it wouldn’t be safe.

You could feel them. All of them. All of the other children. Your brothers and sisters.

You knew them, but they didn’t know you.

Unaware of the pain it caused you to be so close, and yet so far from them.

The paper cup was still standing in the middle of the only table present in the room, as a perpetual reminder of your failure, and as long as you couldn’t at least levitate it a notch, you were stuck.

But, you refused. You wouldn’t use your powers anymore, not if it meant hurting anyone else.

However, something unexpected happened.

You heard much lighter footsteps coming your way and held your breath, your eyes fixed on the door. You also felt something else, something warm and inviting. Was there someone there ? Someone other than Papa ?

"Hello ?"

You recognised the small and shy voice of one of the other children, one of your ‘siblings’, as Papa called them: Number 10. How had he even succeeded to access your level ? You thought only Papa had access to it ? Or, even knew about it ? You looked up at the heavy door separating you from your surprise guest and wondered if you should actually answer ? Would Papa be angry ? Would you get punished ? You bit your lower lip hesitantly before finally giving in and answering.

"H..Hi."

You stammered and heard the footsteps getting closer, until you could actually feel a telepathic link between the both of you. You then felt his presence in your head and something else, a warmth like you had never felt before..It was pulling you in.

"I knew there was someone in there. I'm 10. Who are you ? And why are you locked up in here ?"

You could already tell that he was nothing like Number 1 and tentatively got closer to the door, pressing your ear against it. You opened your mouth to answer, but remembered that you didn’t have a name. Papa said that you would earn one as soon as you would be able to use your powers and join the others. He only ever called you 'daughter' and you were never bothered by it, until now. You gulped and took a money to think of an appropriate name to give the boy.

"I'm..Infinity. And I’m here because I'm..not strong enough yet. Papa said I had to wait."

He must have felt the dejection in your voice, as he replied thoughtfully.

"Must be lonely.."

You didn’t answer. You didn’t need to. You bathed in his warmth and closed your eyes. It was nice, so very nice..It felt like home.

"Say..When I’ll be out of here, would you like us to be friends ?"

You asked—without truly thinking your words through—and you then heard 10 shake something in his hand, a magic 8-ball which usually guided him in his decisions. You knew about it from the other children who talked about his obsession with it. He smiled widely when the small black object gave an affirmative answer.

"It says I will. And the magic ball never lies ! I’m sure you’ll get out of here and we’ll get to play together soon !"

You smiled at his enthusiastic answer and raised your hand to lay it flat against the smooth surface of the door, wishing you could see him. You could only feel him, his warmth and you knew at that moment, you just knew you needed to protect him.

However, before you could reflect more about your feelings, 10 heard other footsteps coming his way and Papa calling his name.

"Sorry. I have to go, or Papa will be mad. Bye, Infinity !"

"Bye, 10.."

You smiled to yourself until his warmth was out of reach and your smile vanished, the coldness of the room piercing your skin and mind at the same time. You wrapped your arms around yourself in order to keep a little bit of that warmth with you, but unsuccessfully. Now that you knew such a kind soul existed, you could only hope to stay close to it. You wished 10 would return soon..

But, the coldness and numbness didn’t last long, as 10 came coming back to see you in the days following and every time, he would bring a little bit of that warmth with him.

You were growing accustomed to him and his gentle warmth, until one day, it was replaced by hot white pain and death. You had trouble breathing as the pain only worsened and the screams grew louder and louder. You could feel them, screaming for help and fighting the inevitable, until there was nothing but deadly silence. The silence was worse than the screams and you collapsed to the floor in tears, as you knew this silence could only mean one thing..

They were gone.

They were all gone..

10’s warmth had disappeared.

You sobbed loudly in pain and tried to scream—but no sound made it past your lips—as your head was filled with their memories and your body was suddenly overwhelmed with their powers..It hurt. It was like living thousands of deaths. It hurt, but the pain was quickly replaced by wild and unbridled rage thundering in your body as you forced yourself to find the reason of such pain and agony.

You raised your hand to push your mind out of your body and finally, reached Number 1. You felt his growing frustration as he wasn't gaining any power from the children and your rage took incommensurable dimensions as you realised he wasn’t feeling any regret or guilt at the blood spilled and that he would continue to spill if he wasn’t stopped.

It was insupportable.

However, you felt this sense of dread take over your heart as you realised you were unconsciously sucking the powers of your dead siblings. He would come for you. And, you then realised with horror that the warmth you had felt in 10’s presence for all this time was in fact his powers, drawing you in like a spider to a fly..

The true reason for your imprisonment occurred to you. It wasn’t because you were weak or not ready, it was because if you had stayed in the others’ presence, you would have sucked their energy dry.

However, now that they were dead, their powers had no more corporal vessels and were now circulating freely in the air, open for the taking. It filled you with enough energy to burst the door open and even though you were still in pain, the path of chaos and blood not yet finished by Number One, made you stand up. You shakily walked out of the room, your legs trembling as the pain didn't seem to dissipate, only turned into white hot rage inside of you, fueling you with enough energy to blow up the whole compound if you wished to.

The walls were covered with blood and bodies were blocking the walking path..A carnage. You covered your mouth and nose in order not to throw up at the overwhelming smell of blood and death surrounding you.

You were so shocked and blinded by rage that you didn’t realise your feet leaving the floor. You floated above the corpses and started searching for Number 10’s body among the slaughter. Finally, you reached the room where he was and tried not to cry as you found him in such a terrible state..You knelt down next to him and raised a trembling hand above his cheek, his warm and bright mind turned cold and lifeless now..

You sniffled and whispered an apology in the shell of his ear before something else caught your eyes..His magic 8-ball was still in his hand. You took it and wiped your tears with your forearm before shaking it, unconsciously asking it if you could still save 10 ? After a moment, the ball flashed its answer.

As I see it, yes.

You closed your eyes and gently pressed your forehead against 10’s, concluding that it was worth a try. You opened your mind and tried to reach out for him and his warmth. You could feel that he was still there, his will to live keeping him somehow alive and your mind called him back to you. You used your powers to repair the damaged cells of his body and keep him alive. You repaired his body, but then your eyes fell on your bloody hands and you knew that if you gave him his powers back, Papa would make him stay, and you could lose him again..You could end up hurting him, the same way Number 1 had.

So, you decided that to keep him safe, you wouldn’t give him back his powers. You apologised to him mentally before placing your hand above his chest and sucking the powers out of his body.

After a moment, when you were sure there was nothing more that you could do, you opened your eyes and begged him to come back.

"Please..10..You can’t leave me. Open your eyes. You promised me. You promised you would become my first friend. I need you.."

Suddenly, 10 gasped loudly and jumped awake, panting as if just woken up from a bad nightmare. He blinked rapidly to get use to the blinding light and slowly turned towards you. You let out a laugh of relief before hugging him tightly.

"10 ! You’re alive !"

However, he fainted before he could return your hug and you leaned him back on the floor.

"You’ll be safer here.."

You then sensed Number 1’s presence and your need for revenge for your siblings and yourself took over your mind. You stood up and left the room. You started walking with determination towards the main playing room and opened the doors wide.

You walked in and found Number One holding a girl in the air with the power of his mind. You recognised Eleven, one of your sisters.

You immediately raised your hand to help Eleven and pull her out of his mental grip. You ripped her out of his hold and she fell to the floor. You ran to her and took her pulse, relieved to find that she was still breathing. Number One opened his eyes and frowned in confusion for a moment at your presence before his features softened and he chuckled as he recognised you.

"I knew Papa was hiding you somewhere. After all this time, we meet again..Infinity."

He said your name with a malicious smirk on his face and you felt that utter rage and hatred towards him, that repulsion that you had felt during your first encounter. You took a fighting stance and Number One cracked his head and showed you his gruesome work with large arm movements for the purpose of exaggerated theatrics and make you afraid once more.

"Do you like what I did with the walls ? I must admit..I was hoping you would see it."

"You killed them.."

You stated coldly, looking around at the devastation with tear-filled eyes. The first time you had ever stepped out of your room alone, only to witness such terrible picture of cruelty..But, Number 1 didn’t take count of the horror or sorrow on your face.

"Join me. You, me and Eleven. Aren’t you curious of what we could accomplish together ? We could be a true family, one that my family and Papa failed in giving me."

He extended his hand towards you, expecting you to take it and turn into the monster he knew you could become..But, you defiantly stared at him and slapped his hand away.

"There is no us. The only way you’ll take my powers ? It’s if you kill me."

You felt his faint annoyance, but it quickly changed into a will to kill as he raised his hand to do what he had done to so many before.

"I’m sorry we couldn’t come to an agreement."

You raised your own hand and blood started dripping down your nose, ears and eyes. You could feel him trying to find a way into your mind, probing your brain for that switch off button, your weakness to suck you from the inside out. You screamed and felt your will weakened, even though you had the power of your brothers and sisters, you didn’t know how to control it and were afraid..Number One smiled victoriously..

"Your power will soon be mine.."

He said confidently before renewing his efforts and viciously digging into your mind. You could feel your strength dwindling away, but soon found another source of power uniting with yours. You took a look behind you and found Eleven standing there, attacking Number One and helping you stand up against him.

You both screamed and while Eleven opened a portal to the Upside Down, you pushed him inside. Even though you shouldn’t, every cell of your body trembled in satisfaction, feeling the terrible pain Number One was in, trapped in it now and forever.

This was the moment when Papa arrived and saw the bloodbath surrounding the both of you and he uttered in a horrified whisper, too shocked at the sight to speak normally.

"What did you do ?"

Eleven was shaking and hid instinctively behind you. You could feel her fear at Papa’s horrified look and you decided to clear out any misunderstanding by sharing your memories with Papa who seemed to take back his composure as you explained the situation.

"We got rid of the problem."

Papa nodded before looking at the opening behind you with a frown.

"This will need to be closed."

You turned around and tried to close it, but found it impossible. You then understood why when you looked at Eleven who was so weak, she could barely stay up. You grimaced as you perfectly knew it was impossible for you to close a portal that wasn’t even your doing.

"Will you stay ?"

It was a simple question, but you could feel the desperation in his voice. Papa needed you to stay. Now that everyone else was gone, he needed someone else to stay with Eleven to keep doing his experiments. You couldn’t do anything about it. She had to stay, even if it hurt you to admit it. And, deep inside, you still held affection for the man who had raised you, and you still trusted him.

"I will.", you eventually accepted, "But, I need you to do something for me first. 10 no longer has his powers and I want you to make sure he lives outside, in a loving family."

You thought of 10 and as it would be unfair and selfish of you to ask him to stay. Papa nodded understandingly, turning towards the corridor where he had left 10.

"He will be taken care of..I promise."

You weren’t even surprised that he knew about you and 10. He was probably the one who had left the door open for 10 to find you.

You closed your eyes and looked up at the bright light hanging from the ceiling.

You were exhausted.

You turned towards Eleven and smiled before taking her hand in yours.

"I will be there for you. Always."

Eleven looked up at you and nodded. You then followed Papa and sent one last goodbye to 10, wishing him luck with his new life. Papa would place him in a family that would love him and he would be happy. You smiled to yourself.

At least, he would be safe..

End of flashback.

A few years later :

You were sitting on a bench, just outside of the school, waiting for your brother to show up. The Henderson family had decided to adopt you a few years back, after finding out that you were alone. And now, you were happy and proud to be a Henderson and calling Dustin your brother, even though he could be a handful sometimes..

"Dustin..Where are you ?"

You muttered to yourself, looking at your watch and tapping your foot on the ground impatiently. You were supposed to meet with Robin and Steven in an hour..He was going to make you late.

You then took a deep breath before opening your bag and getting out 10’s old fortune ball, the only memory remaining of your years at the lab.

You had been assigned to keep an eye on Eleven, but had ended up escaping with her when the demogorgon crisis had started.

You still held onto the hope you would find 10 and explain everything, but you also knew it was highly unlikely. Papa had promised you that he would be safe and taken care of, you could only hope he had kept his promise..

You sighed before shaking the ball vigorously, waiting for an answer to appear.

"Sooner than you think", your answer came in bright white letters and you smiled, always earning optimistic answers from the magic 8-ball.

You then heard a noise behind you and turned around quickly, prepared to face any kind of danger. You were surprised to only find a man standing there with wild brown locks and a tiny smirk on his face.

"Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you. I’m Eddie. Dustin said you would be there and sent me to tell you he has a ‘secret mission’ with his girlfriend."

You rolled your eyes. Why weren’t you surprised ?, you thought ironically before opening your bag and getting out the lunch you had prepared for you and Dustin. You wanted to surprise him by taking him to the mountains and stargazing, but seemed like your brother had other important matters to attend to. And, knowing Dustin ? His secret plans involved talking to his girlfriend and convince her to change his grades.

As long as it didn’t involve monstrous creatures or aliens, you didn’t need to intervene and could just enjoy your freedom.

You then noticed that Eddie was still standing there awkwardly, not sure if he should stay or go, and you smiled before tapping the space next to you invitingly.

"Come on. You can keep me company. My afternoon is suddenly free and I’ve got enough food for two."

He hesitated for a moment before finally sitting down next to you and you handed him a sandwich.

"Here. Made by yours truly. You can eat it, but be careful of the poison.."

He seemed stunned for a moment—wondering if you were joking or not—until you winked playfully at him and he smiled before taking a bite—playing along.

"No problem. As long as you’re not afraid of me cursing you in return ? Don’t forget that I’m rumoured to be a friend of the Dark One ! Dustin will eventually show up, and I would hate him to find his sister cursed."

You laughed and leaned back before taking a bite of your own sandwich. The boy had no idea what it would take to kill you..The mere idea being funny to you. You had faced evil scientists, Russian spies, demogorgons and the Upside Down..At this point, you could almost ponder if you were immortal, or just so damn lucky ? You looked down at the fortune ball in your hand and stroked its side with your thumb. You wondered if it was 10 protecting you all this time ? Eddie’s eyes landed on your fortune ball as you shook it once more and he let out a small laugh.

"Funny..I used to have one of those."

You stopped shaking it and suddenly, raised your eyes to look at him intently, hope suddenly filling your heart again as you stared at him. You didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable, but you were searching for anything that would prove that it was him..

"Really ?"

He seemed to notice your staring and coughed a little in embarrassment, massaging the back of his neck nervously and looking away as he answered with uncertainty.

"Yeah..But, I lost it a long time ago. Anyway, I should probably go."

He turned around to leave, but you surged forward to grab his wrist. Suddenly, your eyes widened as warmth filled your very core, the same warmth you had felt all those years ago. You looked up at him and saw it in his eyes that he felt it too. He tried to stand back, but you held on. You were not willing to let him go so quickly after you finally found him. He have you an expression of confusion and looked at your fingers wrapped around his wrist, wondering why he seemed to know you. Why was he feeling this way ?

"Wait, number 10. Please..Don't go."

You pleaded and Eddie’s eyes widened significantly. At the name, Eddie's attention perked up and he asked with a small frown of confusion.

"What did you just call me ?"

He seemed genuinely confused and you shook your head, huffing a laugh at your obvious blunder. 10 was long gone and you shouldn’t try to search for him or desperately try to find a ressemblance with any stranger you meet. You realised your mistake and immediately retreated.

"You..You just make me think of someone.."

It couldn’t possibly be him. You just held onto the impossible hope that you would see him again and released him. You shook your head and stammered awkwardly.

"I..I’m sorry, Eddie. I shouldn’t have done that. You just..You just remind me of an old friend and.."

"Infinity ?"

He interrupted you and you snapped your head up to meet his eyes, your initial shock quickly replaced by a huge smile of relief.

"10 ! Yes. It's me. It's Infinity."

You tried to reach for him again, but he cowered from your touch, as if your sole contact was burning him. This was when you realized, he was afraid of the truth.

"It can’t be..You..You’re not real."

You felt your heart squeeze a little as he shook his head and turned in circles, trying to process what you just said. The name sounded so familiar to him and he remembered your voice so clearly now.

"It’s..It’s really me, 10. I missed you..so much."

However, his reaction to the whole situation wasn’t exactly how you had suspected it to be. He stopped and looked at you with a bewildered expression and huffed a mocking laugh.

"Nuh-huh. You don’t get to ‘miss me’. Do you know how much I suffered from this ? I had doctors, telling me for years that I was crazy and that it was only the result of my impressively wild imagination."

You opened your mouth to answer, but realised you had no words that would make him feel better and offered him an apologetic smile instead.

"Well..You always had one hell of an imagination and..I liked that about you."

He shook his head at your obvious attempt to sweeten him up and smiled before giving you a look of disbelief.

"Compliments usually work with me, but not this time, sweetheart. You left me. And why couldn’t I feel you afterwards ? Why couldn’t I communicate with you ?"

He asked you with his arms crossed over his chest and you could see he was upset, and he had the right to be. He reminded you of what you had done to keep him safe and you lowered your head in shame as you remembered the screams and the blood.

"Not by choice. I made a deal with Papa. It was the only way for you to be safe. I would have done anything for you."

You explained and Eddie’s eyes softened at your confession. But, he didn’t let it go and asked.

"Why ?"

You froze at the unexpected question and Eddie took notice of that. He sat back in front of you and took your hand, so you had to look at him.

"Why ?"

He repeated purposefully and you took a big breath to gather the courage to answer him. When you finally looked up at him, his eyes were wide open, waiting for an answer you probably couldn’t give him, but you tried.

"The first time our minds linked..I felt a connection with you. There was this..warmth. You were the first human being besides Papa that I had ever connected with. I had this instinct to keep you safe and I knew that taking your powers away was the only way Papa would let you leave."

Eddie’s eyes widened significantly at your confession and you expected it.

"W..What ?"

It was not something he wanted to hear, but it was what you felt and the decision you had to make so he may live a normal life.

Dustin arrived before he could reply and you were never more grateful to see your little brother’s face. He grabbed your hand and dragged you after him, waving at Eddie.

"Hi Eddie ! Bye, Eddie !"

You didn’t look back at him, you didn’t want to know what he was thinking..afraid of the rejection or horror you would see in his gaze.

You had taken something from him, and there was no way he could understand or agree with your decision.

He would hate you..but, you would always love him.

Time lapse to when Eddie is hiding from the police and you are his supply runner :

It was the third time this week Eddie called your brother for supplies and you could see that your brother was becoming annoyed by the phone calls and unceasing back-and-forth’s. So, you decided it was time for you to face Eddie and replaced your brother on one of his supply runs.

However, when you entered the cabin he was hiding in, you didn’t expect to find him stuffing his face with popcorn. You couldn’t help but laugh as he looked at you with widened eyes and puffy cheeks.

"What are you doing ?"

"I'm stress eating !"

He replied with his eyes wide before taking another mouthful. You shook your head in disbelief before taking his packet away from him.

"Hey !"

He moaned in protest, upset that you would interrupt his snack time.

"It’s not good for you !"

You scolded him lightly with a smile and he rolled his eyes.

"Yes, ‘mom’."

It was your time to roll your eyes before throwing the bag of supplies at him.

"Here. I doubt it will last the day, but it has everything you need."

You thought you would be able to walk out and leave him be without having to talk about last time you were alone, but he didn’t let you. In an instant, he was behind you and slammed the door shut, preventing you from leaving.

"Eddie.."

You uttered his name warningly, but he didn’t budge as you tried to open the door again. You knew you could easily use your powers to make him move, but you wouldn’t. Eddie had never tried to harm you, he wouldn’t start now and neither would you.

"Y/N..Stay."

He whispered pleadingly. You knew what he wanted. He wanted answers, but so did you. Was he angry at you for taking away his powers ? He didn’t seem to be, and maybe was it the reason you were avoiding him ? Because, you knew deep down that what you had done was wrong.

"I don’t think it’s a good idea."

You whispered back, but still leaned back against him..He was so warm and his embrace felt like being surrounded by gentle waved in a sea of softness.

"Are you afraid of me ? That I will kill you ? Do you believe what they say on the news ? Is that why you haven’t come see me until now ?"

You closed your eyes and turned your head away, but he tip your chin forward and made you look him in the eyes.

"Please, tell me the truth. You told me you would. I just want to understand."

You let a tear slip down your cheek as you admitted.

"I’m not afraid of you, Eddie. Because, I can see that you are a good person..But, I’m afraid that I will become like Number 1. He was blinded by power and this hunger consumed him. I feel the same hunger, everyday. And I’m afraid that if I get too close to you, I will eventually let loose."

He stayed silent for a second before raising his hands to squeeze your shoulders sympathetically.

"You’re nothing like him."

He said confidently and you didn’t know you needed to hear those words so badly, until you broke into sobs and pulled Eddie closer.

"I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to stop him."

He shushed softly and stroked your hair gently, trying to soothe you the best he could. Eddie still had glimpses of that night, and the fear he felt when facing Number 1 was nothing like what he felt when he was around you. It was strange that, even after all those years, things hadn’t really changed between the both of you. He rested his chin above your head and even though he was scared, he felt better when he had you by his side.

However, your moment was interrupted by voices coming from the outside.

"FREAK ! We know that you’re here ! Come out now !"

You immediately wiped your tears and tiptoed discreetly to the window to take a look, recognising some of the Chrissy’s friends and her boyfriend. If they found Eddie, they would denounce or hurt him. You wouldn’t let them.

Fortunately, your eyes fell on the boat where Eddie had been hiding in all this time and jumped inside.

"We need to go, Eddie.", you hurried him and he followed you, helping you in getting the boat on the water.

Once the boat afloat, he jumped after you just in time as Chrissy’s boyfriend noticed the both of you.

"Get them !"

He jumped in the water after you and someone else did, but he was suddenly floating in the air and you covered your ears and screamed as you could hear Vecna sucking the life out of him and it brought you back to the day when Number 1 had killed all those children. Eddie tried to calm you down by wrapping his arms around you, but couldn’t you hold you down and was pushed in the water by your struggles.

Both Eddie and Jason Carver witnessed as Patrick’s extremities started shrinking, his jaw dislocated and his eyes were sucked right into his skull with terrible squelching noises while blood dripped down his mouth, ears and eyes. When Patrick’s body fell in the water, you also fell to your knees. Eddie quickly got back in the boat and held you as you muttered weakly.

"He’s back, Eddie..Number 1 is back."

You could see the terror in Eddie’s eyes before fainting into his arms, exhausted and overwhelmed by Vecna’s power.

You looked around and found yourself in the Upside Down, in front of a nightmarish house where Vecna was waiting for you. You raised your hand to attack him, but Vecna laughed as you kept trying unsuccessfully.

"It won’t work here, Infinity.."

You took a few steps backwards, but your feet were quickly stuck to the floor by long red roots, Number 1 had probably mixed with the Upside Down and he was using it to trap you in place.

"Your time is almost up..But, you can still change your fate. Join me. Greedy girl. I will satisfy your hunger and together, we will become masters of reality and the Upside Down."

He ran his finger down your cheek and you slapped his hand away, your answer being the same than the first time he had asked you.

"I won’t join you ! Ever !"

He lowered his hand and suddenly grabbed you by the throat.

"Then you will die with them !"

You gasped for air and clawed his hand, but couldn’t do anything other than look at him defiantly before your world fell into black.

When you woke up, you were still in Eddie’s arms, but it was dark and you were surrounded by Steve, Robin and Nancy. They all looked relieved when you sat up and held your head in pain.

"W..What happened ?"

You asked and Robin squeezed your shoulder before answering you.

"You blacked out. Dustin and the other kids had to go distract the adults, but we decided to stay with the both of you and keep watch."

You smiled gratefully at them all before feeling another painful headache and Steve then noticed something glowing at the bottom of the lake.

"Hey, guys ? I see something under there."

He squinted his eyes to get a better look, but it was no use and he knew he had to get a closer look himself. He jumped in the water before anyone could stop him and it took a couple of minutes before Nancy decided he was taking too long and dived after him.

Once you had jumped in the water as well, it didn’t take long for Eddie to jump after you either.

You then saw Steve on the floor, trying to get the horrible Upside Down vampires bats off him. You raised your hand and made their awful heads explode. You could feel Number 1 in your head, or Vecna as he was called now, digging into your skull and you couldn’t stop him. He had grown stronger..

"Join me..Join me, Infinity.."

He repeated over and over, his mind trying to forcefully link with yours and get access to the powers stored in you.

"No ! Leave me alone !"

You cried out and started fighting an invisible enemy with your eyes closed. You could feel him, probing your mind to find where you were. He was everywhere around you and it took Eddie and Robin to physically restrain you before you could hurt yourself. Nancy took care of Steve and finally, Eddie forced you to look at him by placing his hands on each side of your head.

"Hey, Infinity. Don’t listen to him. Concentrate on me. Forget about him. He doesn’t have what we have. Come on."

You tried to do as he said and let your mind focus on him, rejecting Vecna’s control and welcoming Eddie’s warmth in. Little by little, your breathing calmed down and you finally opened your eyes to look at him. He smiled at you and stroked your cheek encouragingly, covering the back of your neck with his other hand to keep you in place.

"Here we go. Good girl. Focus on me. Don’t let the ugly evil entity see what’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours, alright ?"

You laughed and nodded in agreement, pushing Vecna out of your head and this was when you heard it, his last words freezing the blood in your veins and making your whole body tremble under the threat.

"I’ll kill him..I’ll kill them all.."

It was a promise.

"Not if I kill you first.."

You muttered to yourself, staring defiantly beyond at the direction the voice was coming from. You had failed to kill him once, you wouldn’t make the same mistake twice..

You walked forward towards Nancy’s old house and took refuge there. You succeeded in communicating with your brother and smiled as you heard his voice. You thought you would never hear it again..You let your fingers dance among the lights created by the electricity and looked at Eddie whose face was lit up in wonder.

However, when he caught you staring, you both turned your gaze away from each other instantly. Everyone else didn’t notice your exchange, all but Robin who smiled knowingly at the both of you.

"We need to sleep. So, we can take turns to guard the house and..?"

Nancy finally proposed and a hand shot up immediately.

"I’ll take the first watch with Y/N !"

Robin declared, but Eddie immediately protested.

"Not a chance ! I’ll stay with her !"

Both Robin and Eddie glared at each other while Nancy looked at them both with an arched eyebrow, wondering why the both of them suddenly wanted to stay with you, but Steve only shrugged.

"You can all stay awake with her. It’ll be more sleep for me."

And with those wise words, Steve leaned back on the sofa and closed his eyes. Nancy didn’t insist, wanting to stay by Steve’s side and take care of his wounds.

"Fine. But, be careful."

Both Robin and Eddie stood up to take your hand and pull you along. Robin took you apart and whispered to you, while making sure that Eddie couldn’t hear her.

"Say..What’s going on between you and Freakson over there ? Did something happen between the both of you ?"

You rolled her eyes at her obvious innuendo and shook your head.

"No..We’re just friends. He was nice to me when I first arrived in Hawkins."

She took a quick glance at Eddie who pretended not to be staring at the both of you and quickly looked away. She gave you a smile of disbelief before wiggling her eyebrows significantly.

"Huh-huh..“friends”. You can't fool me. Lover boy over there keeps staring at you and I can assure you that when you were passed out ? He refused to let anyone else watch over you. I swear that he growled at me when I tried to take a look at you !"

You both laughed and Eddie blushed, convinced that you were talking about him, but unwilling to admit he was interested in knowing the subject of your active conversation.

Robin continued to talk to you for a while, but she fell asleep first, too exhausted by the events of the day to stay up.

Eddie took the opportunity to move closer to you. You didn’t know why he wanted to follow you in the first place, but you didn’t dare protest. He played with the flashlight in his hands for a minute or two, lost in thought, before he turned towards you.

"We need to talk..about that night."

He seemed serious and you immediately understood what night he was referring to. You knew you had to eventually talk about it, but it didn’t make it any less difficult. You still had nightmares of that night and the Upside Down remembered too.

"I already told you everything I know."

You said and he shook his head.

"You never told me..Why Infinity ? Why did you choose that name ?"

The question surprised you, it wasn’t what you had expected and you thought back of the day you had decided yo name yourself Infinity. It wasn’t because you thought yourself more powerful or stronger than all the other numbers—far from it. Papa used to call you “project Black Hole" and you once asked him what it meant ? He then told you about the stars and a particular black hole..Infinity. The mother of dark holes. The black hole that would eventually swallow the universe.

You didn’t know what it had to do with you at the beginning, but now, you knew.

"Because I didn’t want to forget. They are all a part of me now..All the children who lost their lives that night."

Eddie frowned a bit in confusion, playing with his wrist bands nervously.

"What do you mean ?"

You bit your lower lip and looked away in shame. It wasn’t the time or place to tell him..but, when would it be the right time even ?

"I absorbed their powers when they left, Eddie..Number 1 killed them, but their memories and powers were transferred to me. I felt their deaths and I couldn’t stop myself from feeding on their powers, their “warmth”. I lied to you when I said Papa kept me locked up because he thought others might hurt me. He kept me away because he was afraid of what would happen if I was let out. He first tried to make me sympathise with Number 1, but when Number 1 tried to connect with me ? I almost did what he did to all of our siblings..I almost killed him; absorbed his prime essence and swallowed him alive, just like a black hole.."

You knew Eddie would be horrified by it, even be as terrified as you were when you had realised what you had done. He stayed silent for a moment before reasoning.

"If you can take powers..Can you give them too ?"

He asked and your eyes widened at the realisation. You had never thought about it. Maybe, could you give back her powers to Eleven ?

"Could you..give them back to me ?"

Eddie didn’t meet your gaze after he asked, nibbling on one of his wild brown strands nervously and you could feel for the first time in Eddie’s presence, melancholy..He missed his powers, you realised.

You felt a pang of guilt in your chest and decided that he had waited long enough and that you couldn’t deny him anymore what he was due. Besides, he needed to be able to defend himself.

You turned to face him fully and took a big breath before placing your hand above his chest, feeling it rising and falling, listening to his heartbeat and trying to find the powers you had stolen from him inside you. Suddenly, you felt something stir in you and gasped before opening your eyes and feeling energy coursing through your fingertips and back to Eddie who seemed out of breath.

"D..Did it work ?"

He asked, but the answer came to him on its own as he heard you in his head.

"Yes."

He was surprised, but also strangely relieved that he could hear you again, he felt whole. He smiled and stood up to look around for a small object he could exercise his newfound powers with and his eyes finally landed on a small rock on the floor. He was fascinated as he looked at it, levitating around his own hand and he succeeded in crushing it in his hand.

"You..You really did ! I can’t believe it ! So cool !"

He sounded genuinely excited as he made the little rock’s dusty remains float around him.

"I only gave back what was already yours."

Eddie stayed silent for a moment before sitting back down next to you and looking at the red sky of the Upside Down. He then lowered his hand and let it hover above yours hesitantly.

"That voice..It was you, wasn’t it ? You called me back. I would have died that night if it wasn't for you and I..I know that you tried your best to protect me. I never held what happened against you, not even though when you took my powers away. To be honest ? I felt relieved. But.."

He finally let his hand rest of top of yours and squeezed it slightly.

"..I’m glad you decided to share your burden with me. I’m not a little kid anymore, and I’m less afraid now. I want to thank you, my dear Queen Infinity of the Unknown Lands of White Walls and will fight for you. If you’d let me ?"

You smiled at the appellation before resting your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes in exhaustion.

"You're very welcome, Game Master, future slayer of Vecna the Dark Mage.."

You had played D&D enough times with your little brother his friends to make up a nickname of your own for Eddie. He smiled happily before resting his chin above your head. You intertwined your fingers and opened your eyes just a little to see his eyes reflecting the blood-red sky and find it hypnotic. He was hypnotic. You couldn’t even feel the ominous atmosphere surrounding you, the Upside Down’s demons creeping in the dark, waiting for their moment to strike.

"Do you think we've got a shot ?"

He finally asked you, his brow furrowed with uncertainty and still staring at the red horizon, his thoughts suddenly focused on how to defeat Vecna.

"Number 1 is still under there. His arrogance will be his downfall."

You predicted and curiously enough, Eddie believed you.

"We’ll find a way. I promise you, Eddie. I won’t leave you this time."

You whispered before looking back up at the sky. Eddie nodded before smiling to himself as he remembered something.

"Hey..You'll give me back my magic 8-ball, right ?"

You laughed in response and shook your head negatively.

"Not a chance.."

The final battle was upon you.

Throw the dice.

Win or lose.

D&D was always in your blood and it was high time to finish the game.

And when you finally fell asleep, the sound of a clock filled your head..

#eddie munson #eddie munson x female reader #fandoms #imagine #fanfic #stranger things

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cpidsworld · 2 years

Text

☆ DAY ONE: IZUKU MIDORIYA ☆

dilf!izuku x f!reader

wc: 1.2K

warning: masturbation, breeding, manhandling, rough sex, daddy kink, MNDI

a/n: mhm! mhm! rough daddy deku got me all hot and bothered

dilf december collab

dilf!izuku - the world's sweetheart, let alone japan's. the hero that everyone either wants to be, or wants to be with. how can you not love him? crows feet along the sides of his eyes, the softest smile splayed across his face as the roots of his curly green hair turn grey. always looking to help out anyone who needs it. theres no discrimination in his body, if you are someone in need and he'll help you.

deku has become very close with kacchan's family as he doesn't have one of his own. helping out with dinner almost every night and taking care of katsuki's kids from time to time. due to their hero work katsuki hired an au pair to look after the kids so they don't have to worry about them when they're out on missions. deku's heart does a flip the moment he lays eyes on you. he sees you by the kitchen sink, with katsuki's little girl clad on your hip, as you sway slightly while washing her hands getting all the red paint off of it.

you get quite a fright to see the number one hero behind you, but he immediately introduces himself, fumbling over his words and turning absolutely red in the face. the number one hero? blushing? a sight that had only been seen by you, and katsuki who was watching by the door. after you left, katsuki gave deku a stern talking to about how he _should absolutely get over this ditzy crush of his before anything bad happens_. deku never listens to kacchan, does he?

he ought to get a grip. whenever he has just a minute of peace, his mind replays the first moment he met you. he can't seem to get you off of his mind. late nights, laying in bed after a mission, he's exhausted. he's pent up. he needs release. he needs...you. his hands run down his body till they land on his growing erection. god, the man is touch starved. he needed to feel your hands on him. but for now, his own will suffice.

he pulls his hard cock out of his pants and begins stroking it slowly as images of you flash through his mind. you bent over his desk at the agency as he fucks you till you can't walk, or fucking you on the counter in katsuki's kitchen as he "helps" you make dinner. his hips stutter as he bucks into his hand, fucking it as if it was you. wishing he could feel your tight cunt on his cock as he pulls you down onto it, making you take it all.

he hated his depraved mind. now every single time he looked at you, he wanted to take you right there. he couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful you'd look on your knees, makeup and tears painting that pretty little face of yours as his cock slipped in and out of your mouth. the way you'd whine and beg for him to fill you up. he was insatiable.

=======

not long after he learned about your feelings towards him, he was more than excited. he wasting no time. he waited for kachan to be busy on night patrol before he made his move. he had your clothes off in mere seconds as he pins your arms above your head. you protest slightly, as katsuki's children were right upstairs. izuku shushes you slightly, capturing you in a deep kiss. the kiss was heated, and filled with lust, love and other emotions you couldn't quite place. your body melted into his, your legs wrapping around him to grind up into his crotch, desperate for his touch. deku grows impatient and grabs you and turns you over, pushing your face into the couch.

"make one sound, and i'll make sure you don't get to cum."

his voice was low, commanding and it made the wetness between your legs increase by the second. he lifted your skirt up and ripped your panties off. he was dying to know what it felt like inside of you, just once. he leans down and whispers sweet nothings into your ear, how much of a good girl you were, while finger-fucking your cunt to make it ready for him. you heard his belt unbuckle and his pants unzip. you turned your head slightly to get a look of what was to be inside you and your jaw dropped. his cock was huge, angry red tip just aching to feel something.

before you could even respond, he removed his fingers and replaced it with his cock. you bit onto the pillow in front of to, trying to cover up the shriek that almost left your mouth. your eyes were rolling back, tears were running down your cheeks. your legs were shaking and he'd only just put it in. he was balls deep, tip already kissing your cervix so prettily. he groaned into your neck as he started to move, feeling the way your walls flutter and clench around him. he was intoxicated by your muffled moans and inviting pussy.

his pace increased as he straightened out, hands grabbing at your hips as he fucked you at an unrelenting pace. all you could hear was the sound of skin hitting skin, and the muffled moans you let out. izuku had to swallow the deep groans that threatened to leak out of his mouth. the man was in heaven. his hips couldn't be stopped, his orgasm approached slowly.

"fuck i'm gonna cum inside you. gonna make you so full you can barely stand up."

your body couldn't handle the rough pace at which he was going. the knot in your belly begged to be undone. you pleaded and pleaded, asking him to let you cum, trying to not moan in between. he just chuckled and pulled you up by your hair, your back arching so perfectly as his cock pistoned in and out of you.

"you wanna cum? huh, slut? wanna cum on daddy's cock as your boss's kids are asleep upstairs? then cum for me."

your body followed his command before you had the time to register what was happening. your pussy clenched so hard around his cock is pushed him over the edge too. he filled you up so well, cum trickling out as he thrusted a few more times.

your body collapsed on the couch, unable to stay up. he pulled out and leaned down to kiss your forehead. he slowly got up from the couch and ran quickly upstairs, grabbing a wet cloth and coming back down. he sat next to you, stroking your hair as he cleaned himself up, you and the couch.

he slowly lifted you up and sat you on his lap as your snuggled into his chest. he made sure you were okay, still stroking your hair, telling you how good you were for him. it's like he was a different person than he was just a minute ago, but you loved it. his sweet nerdy side contrasting with his cold demanding side. it was like two sides to a coin that only you knew about, and it made your heart flutter.

he told himself that this was it. he satiated his thirst and he wouldn't get tempted again. he looked down to see the sweet smile on your face and it made his heart race. could he ever give you up? maybe he doesn't really want to.

all works belong to @r1nf4iry ! Do not claim as own or reupload without permission!!

#🖇️ dilf december #tw dilf #pro hero deku x reader #deku dilf #deku smut #pro hero izuku #izuku midoriya #izuku x y/n #midoriya smut #boku no hero academia #bnha x reader #mha deku #tw.breeding #tw.daddy kink #izuku midoria x reader #izuku x reader #🖇️.smut.hours #navi

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simluvbot · 3 years

Text

Sunghoon as your boyfriend

a/n: as usual with these bf headcanons, im sorry it was so messy TT also thank you so so much for over 100 followers !! <33

open to read <3

tbh it got to a point where literally everyone but you two knew that you were crushing on each other..

Sunghoon can very oblivious sometimes, and so can you

tbh it was literally until jake had to spell out to sunghoon how he obviously had a crush on you which is what prompted him to actively make moves on you (lmao)

And, sooner or later, you both ended up dating :D

Sunghoon is be pretty awkward early on in the relationship so it’s just so so precious ):

so every small moment of skinship between you both has butterflies instantly swarming in your stomachs and your cheeks heating up like crazy ):

And sunghoon will think about it for ages in his bed later at nighttime, replaying the moment you took his hand in yours and interlocked your fingers with his

He’d think about how soft your hands felt in his hold and how fuzzy the feeling made him feel, and sunghoon isn’t one to freak out easily but gee the butterflies you made him feel (he will never tell you about that though)

Many late night dates!

I say this for literally every enhypen member but to me this concept just fits so well with all of them

Sunghoon likes going on late night walks with you in private (and safe!) parks where he knows that you two will be completely alone

He loves walking around with you for hours, chatting away about random weird topics and sharing shy eye contact with each other

Or he will also like to lay down on the grass with you, backs on the plush ground and stargazing together 💔

He’ll admire your side profile and smile at your awed expression as you stare up at the stars, thinking about how pretty you look under the moonlight

But then when you turn to face him he’ll look away and pretend he was never looking in the first place🙄

To me sunghoon seems the type to silently appreciate you and the small moments he shares with you.

You could be sitting across from him eating messily while ranting about your day and he’ll simply nod, barely listening and instead watching the way your moth moves and how prettily your lips create shapes as you talk

Or you could be simply doing nothing at all, instead laying on the sofa on your phone and he’ll look up from his own now and then, quietly reflecting and feeling thankful for how you’re in his life

In public he is very much the silent observer! but not in a creepy way, it’s all loving of course, especially since hoon has said before that he’s not the best with expressing his words and feelings

So he instead shows his love and appreciation to you through small acts of service and gifts!

It’s small things that he does for you, such as tying your shoelaces for you, pulling you onto his other side when you’re asking along a busy road so he is the one one the road side instead or buying what he knows is your favourite snack to surprise you with!

I think that he will also ask jay for tips on what to cook for you hehe. He likes to surprise you and pls I just see him standing wearing an apron as he tries to follow the recipe jay gave him so he can make you your favourite food for you to eat the next day )):

Many cafe dates!!

Have you seen that picture of him sipping from a drink as he sits at a cafe table?? yeAH WELL

takes you out to his favourite cafes all the time 😁😁

going on the lookout for best cafés on your dates is YOUR THING i see it

Sunghoon honestly treasures you so much and although he doesn’t express it in words often, he really thinks about you a lot ): so many little things remind him of you its ridiculous.

he’ll see something and go like “oh!” which confuses the other members but its just because he saw something that made him think of you lol

He is comfortable enough with you to be vulnerable in front of you!

At first when you both started dating he was reallyyyy shy since he is an introvert.. but ofc soon the ice boy melted and he eventually became so much more comfy around you :D

so yes park sunghoon does share a lot of his weird thoughts and personality with you lmao

but its just bc he trusts you and knows that you wont judge him ):<

Takes you on ice skating dates where he teaches you how to skate

Will come up with a simple routine with you

I’m gonna cry I’m gonna pass out I can’t take this I’m tearing up TAKE MY PHONE AWAY FROM NE AT THIS

he will come up with ): simple ice skating routines with you ): where he spins you around and holds both your hands steadily as he skates backward and guides you forward, making breathless eye contact while he rests his forehead against yours, smiling softly

🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️

although when you do end up falling he laughs 🙄 he is so rude i stg

but he then helps you back up of course, holding your gloved hands in his softly since they took the most impact of ur fall

he’ll massage them gently in his, concerned and telling you to be more careful next time and showing you how to regain your balance when you feel yourself slipping.

“aha like you will even need to use that technique anyways y/n because your ice prince will save you from falling.”

sighs. anyways

Whenever he catches you staring at him (which is 99% of the time when you’re with him because well, duh), he will the hELL out of you lmao

He teases you pretty often anyways

“If you’re just going to continue staring at me this whole time then just take a photo instead y/n, it lasts longer you know 😐.”

“I know I’m handsome y/n. Instead of making it so obvious with your googly eyes then don’t be afraid to say it too. I don’t bite 🙂👎.”

Is so proud of himself whenever he gets you flustered at his comments because as much as it embarrasses you, what he says is true </3 and you don’t deny it

But then when YOU tell him how attractive he is in a teasing way it’s HIM that starts blushing LMFAO

“The view is so pretty.” You said, sighing out as you stood next to sunghoon on the top floor balcony.

“Yeah, Seoul is so beautiful.” Your boyfriend commented, nodding as he looked down at the blinking lights from down below.

Frowning, you tilted your head as you stared at him. “Oh, I wasn’t talking about that.”

Looking up, sunghoon looked at you in confusion. “What do you mean then?”

“I meant the view is so pretty. You’re the view.”

Gets so flustered PLSJDKSJS he looked away from you and ignored you for the next 5 minutes while he tried to compose himself and pretend like he was not affected by what you said

You simply laughed at how red his ears had become and how he ignored your teasing remarks indifferently when he was actually dying inside at what you said

Or other times when you compliment him he will be really smug about it too lmao

He values your opinion, even if it’s something about the new jacket he wore and how it looks nice on him

You bet he will wear that jacket 372837 more files after that and uploaded it on Twitter for engenes too (;

All because you complimented him once

It gets to the point where jay and jungwon tease him about why he is constantly wearing the same thing every day and whether it’s something to do with you LMAO

boy gets so shy 😭😭😭

Sunghoon likes it when you run your hands though his hair ): especially at the back of his head where you tug at his strange gently, especially since his hair is pretty long rn

It’s so soothing to him to feel your nails gently rake through his mullet and massage his scalp, it instantly makes his eyes shut and sleepiness take over.

I feel like sunghoon isn’t that big on cuddles? But when you both sleep together he always pulls you in closer to him subconsciously ):

Head pats from sunghoon ✔️

Kisses with sunghoon!

When you both first started dating you had to initiate everything and he would get so flustered after

But after you had been dating sunghoon for a while and you kiss, he’ll do this thing where he looks at you with lidded eyes and stares at your lips and he kNOWS how good he looks when he does that

Such a tease..

Will cup the back of your neck and bring you in

his hands gently roam around your waist or place themselves onto your back to hold you close to him

Kisses with sunghoon are usually pretty slow and can last a while, so you’re always left feeling breathless when you finally pull apart

Nibbles your lips to tease you hehe

He doesn’t really give you short kisses apart from when he’s feeling bursts of happiness and really excited about something! Or when he wants to thank you

Also Hoon likes to also keep your scrunchie on his wrist if you wear any

Idk, he just likes it [:

Hoon also likes to take many pretty photos with you too, it’s so aesthetic TT

Kisses your forehead whenever he says bye to you on his way to complete his schedule for the day 🥺

Shows Jake and jay pictures of you all the time lol

The 02z definitely don’t miss the blush on his cheeks whenever he tells them about how cute you are 🙄

Sunghoon cutest bf ): he doesn’t reall like to show affection for you in front of other people but when y’all are alone?

Phew, the boy might be an ice prince but whenever he is around you.. let’s say that perhaps you seem to melt him a lil bit (:

#enhypenwriters #enhypen headcanons #enhypen sunghoon #enhypen scenarios #sunghoon headcannons #sunghoon imagines #enhypen reactions #enhypen requests #kpop imagines #kpop headcanons #enhypen imagines

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willowbleedsonpaper · 3 years

Text

Shattered (Part 2)

James Potter x Reader

Read the first part here!

W.C. : 8055... sorry (?)

Warnings: Blood, sadness, heartbreak, my english, I didn’t proof read, that it is 01:00 am. Idk, you tell me :)

A/N: I dont know if this is what you all requested, I hope you like it and that you enjoy it. Thank you so much for your patience, I know I’m a slow writer but we can blame my brain for getting distracted way to easily. I spent one hour looking for a song I listened to years ago in the middle of writing this, and that was just today. Again, thank you for your patience.

Likes, reblogs, comments and keyboard smashes are appreciated.

Sirius stayed back with a knot in his stomach, the anticipation he felt as he saw you and James walk out of the Gryffindor common room more than he could bear. You had led James with the hold of your hand, looking back at Sirius with a small smile before you disappeared from his sight. He knew what you were about to do. He knew and he fought every single nerve in his body to not follow the two of you, rocking on his feet as he awaited your arrival.

His stomach dropped at the sight of James, walking back all alone. He raised his eyes over the people crowded at the entrance, waiting for your bright smile to meet his eyes, but you never arrived. James was all alone.

“Prongs.” he called his friend as he walked past them “Where are you going?” he held back from asking about you. It was clear you weren’t coming back.

James stopped at the stairs to the dorms, his hand supporting his weight on the wall “It’s been a long week.” he muttered, voice barely audible over all the fuzz “I’m going to bed.” he stated, never meeting his friends face as he kept his face low.

Sirius placed his cup down, walking over his friend who had gotten up the stairs. He called his name without a response, jumping the last steps towards their dorm “James!” he called once he catched up to him, placing his hand on his shoulder to stop him.

James jumped at the feeling of his hand, finally lifting his head. His cheeks were stained with tears, his lower lip trembling as he stared at Sirius “Not now, Pads.” he mumbled, taking his hand from his shoulder and letting it fall “Not now.”

Sirius froze there, not saying a word as James closed the door behind him. He had learned when to leave James alone, walking down the steps back to the common room with a defeated feeling in his chest. Your name popped in his head as he remembered his words to you.

I don’t think he’s pretending anymore.

What had he done?

He never made it back to his group of friends, his cup long forgotten in one of the tables of the common room. He walked as fast as he could, ignoring the looks from students as his head turned at every possible spot you could be, his feet with a mind of its own as he ended up at the door of your dorm.

His hand shook as he neared the door, the soft twist of the knob making his stomach wake with a thousand feelings, his palms sweaty as he pushed the door open.

He called your name softly, heart beating fast inside his chest. His eyes adapted quickly to the darkness, moving wildly all over the room to find nothing. He was about to give up, pulling the door with him as he walked out when a flicker of light caught his eye. He frowned, going back inside looking for the source of the little light, the crunching sound of something under his weight making him stop instantly. He took a few steps back, the flicker blinding him once more as he crunched down and suddenly he saw it. Sharp pieces of what looked like a mirror were scattered all over the floor.

He stayed there for a second, the thud sound coming from the bathroom making him go there, his knuckles touching the wood as he placed his ear over the door. “Y/N?” he called again. Not getting a response, he opened the door, the light bright in comparison to the room. And there, sitting on the cold tiled floor, he saw you hugging your knees as you sobbed quietly.

“Oh, darling.” he muttered, kneeling to your side in a second.

Your grip around your legs tightened, turning to your side to avoid looking at him. You ignored his calls and questions, his soft voice making the knot on your throat tighter as you wanted nothing more than left yourself cry and scream. You wanted to scream the pain away.

“Just leave, Sirius.” you said in between sobs, hiding your face in the piece of clothing in your hands.

But he couldn’t bring himself to leave you, his eyes widening in worry as he saw you crumble down again. Your sobs were loud once more as you angrily cleaned the tears from your face. His face fell on the one thing you clung onto, his heart falling down inside his chest as he recognized the fabric as the sweater James had gifted you. He didn’t know what to do, this was his fault! You told him not to give you hope and nevertheless you listened to his foolish advice. You went ahead and confessed everything to James. It was his fault you were in so much pain and he didn’t know how to make it better. He wasn’t sure he could. Sirius wasn’t good at this, he had never been in this position before. He couldn’t tell you it would be alright, that it would stop hurting at some point. He couldn’t give you advice because he knew that was his mistake in the first place. He could only do the one thing he knew worked for him, the thing James himself did for him. Be there for you.

“I’m sorry.” he mumbled, his hand going to hold your hand, the feeling of warmth making his heart stop. He immediately let go, holding his palm up to the light to see the red stains there, his face snapping at you as he went to the sink, grabbing a small towel from there as he rushed back to your side “Y/N, you’re bleeding.” he said hurriedly, clutching your hand against his and carefully tapping the soft fabric over your palm.

Your head snapped up instantly, finally turning to him as he held your hand, seeing the small cuts on your palms “I thought it stopped.” you told him, voice raspy as you sat straight.

He shook his head, taking your other hand in his as he began cleaning that one too “You knew you were bleeding?” he asked.

You nodded your head “I-uh..I tripped while holding my mirror.” you lied “Stopped the fall with my hands but ended up falling over the broken mirror. I cleaned them before, I thought they had stopped bleeding.” you said with an apologetic look.

He gave you a questioning look but said nothing about it “Don’t they hurt?” he asked, the worry in his voice rising as he saw you shake your head “You felt them, right?”

You shrugged your shoulders, letting him clean your palms. “I felt them, they don’t hurt.” you stated.

His movements slowed down considerably, the towel like a feather over your skin. He looked up at you through his lashes, your void eyes making him look away immediately. You stayed in silence for a long while, him noticing your wounded knees as well and doing careful work on them.

Once he was done, he stayed there by your side. You didn’t have the energy to tell him to leave, to remind him that he was on the wrong side of this messy situation and that he belonged at his best friend’s side.

“You should go and get some rest, Sirius.” you said, not looking at him but in front of you, staring at the same spot you had been staring for a while now “It’s past midnight.”

He didn’t realize when he got back to the floor again, both of you sitting there like two defeated warriors. He certainly felt defeated, the prospect of the weeks ahead not giving him any hope.

“They won’t notice I’m gone.” he said in a whisper. “The party is still going, your friends are still there too.”

You frowned, a dry chuckle leaving your throat “They’re hardly my friends, just good company and nice roommates.” you said, not giving it so much importance as you lifted your head from his shoulder, not realizing when you had leaned on him in the first place, and moved to sit in front of him, your legs crossed so the two could fit in the small space “You know for a fact they will be looking for you.” you said as firmly as you could muster “Did you tell anyone you were coming here?”

He shook his head, his hair falling to the sides of his head when he looked down “I didn’t even know where I was going.” he admitted with a humorless laugh “I saw James alone and after I talked to him I went to look for you. I was about to leave when I saw…” his words trailed down, dying on the tip of his tongue as he remembered the broken mirror on the room.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, the mirror coming back to your head as the crashing sounds replayed in your memory over and over again. He caught you on your lie.

“How’ s James?” you asked in a whisper, not really knowing what you expected to hear.

“He’s, I- I really don’t know.” he admitted “He went straight to bed and asked me to leave him alone.”

You nodded your head, moving your hair out of your face, taking a good look at Sirius for the first time that night. He looked more broken than you felt, his face was contorted in pain as he never met your eyes. “Sirius.” you called him with a soft smile, his eyes lifting to look at you “Why does it look like you’re the one with a broken heart?” you asked.

He remained silent for a while, studying your face as you waited for his answer “It’s my fault.” he murmured “You told me not to give you hope and that’s exactly what I did.”

Your smile turned into a sad one, playing with your hands and the little charm on the bracelet you wore “It’s not your fault I fell for him.” you told him “We made a deal and I knew why he was doing this. If anything, it’s James' fault for being so bloody charming.” you said with laugh, the single tear running down your cheek betraying you and the pang you felt in your chest.

Sirius handed you a tissue, watching you clean your cheeks “Maybe there is no one to blame.” he said lightly “You can’t tell your heart how to feel, right? Not your fault.” he said, lifting a finger as he counted “I tried to help and it went awfully wrong.” you chuckled at his words, a second finger lifting as he sighed “And James can’t tell his heart how to feel either.” he dropped his hand, looking at you.

You nodded, pursing your lips but not disagreeing with him. “Who are you and what did you do with Sirius?” you joked, watching him roll his eyes “When did you become so wise?” you asked and he shook his head.

“Like an hour ago.” he blurted, making the both of you laugh trutfully for the first time in the night. “I should probably go.” he said with a sigh, standing from the floor and helping you to your feet, you walked in silence to the door of your dorm. He stopped there, turning one last time as he gave you a quick hug, murmuring goodnight at the side of your head.

He was a few stairs down when your fingers wandered back to the bracelet in your wrist, your eyes falling back as you held the small charm in between your fingers “Sirius!” you called him as you ran down the few steps he had taken, unfastening the chain and pulling it away. “Can you take this with you?” you asked him, holding it up for him to see “Please.”

He looked at it, his eyes moving from the bracelet and up to you. “What should I do with it?” he asked, opening his palm and you softly placed it over his hand, closing his hand in a fist.

You lifted your eyes to his, hugging yourself as you shrugged “Whatever you want.” you said, letting your shoulders fall. He bit his lip, nodding his head and putting the bracelet inside his pocket. A sigh left you as you saw him “Thank you.” you whispered.

He smiled tightly at you, nodding his head in your way “Of course.” he said, leaving you and your dorm behind for the night.

“Sirius?” Remus’ voice echoed in the common room, the place a mess as he made quick work in cleaning the space. The sound of footsteps caught his attention, walking to the stairs with the hope of seeing him there only to find Peter “Anything?” he asked desperately.

Peter shook his head, the sigh that left Remus’ lips cut short “Remus, I think Sirius can wait.” Peter said urgently, getting a confused look from Remus “It’s James.” he pointed up to where their dorm.

Remus dropped the bag in his hand, doubtfully following Peter “What about James?” he asked.

“I don’t know.” He answered, signaling for Remus to follow as he jumped the last steps up, pushing the dorm open.

Remus walked inside, Peter close on his tail. He didn’t see anything weird at first, checking Sirius’s bed before his eyes fell on the empty bed beside it. He looked around, looking for his friend when Peter lifted his hand, pointing right to the window and the figure sitting there.

“Prongs?” he called hesitantly, walking near until he was sitting next to him. When he got no answer he turned to Peter, the same Peter who just shook his face and pointed back at James with the shrug of his shoulders. Remus tilted his head, a sigh leaving his lips as he patted the place next to him for Peter to sit. “James.” he called firmly.

James only moved his head, resting his head on his knees as he hugged his legs. The sniffing sounds coming from him filling the room “I fucked up, Moony.” he muttered “I fucked up real bad.”

Remus wondered what he could be referring to, Peter looking between his two friends with the same confusion written all over his face. They weren’t left in the dark for long, James pouring his mind and heart out to his friends as they listened carefully. Not one thing was left unsaid, not the deal, the gifts he gave you, his initial plan to make Lily jealous, everything that happened that night, everything he didn’t understand.

“You were pretending all this time?” asked Peter, voice shaky as he awaited for them to confirm he understood everything, but Remus’ look towards James made him stay in silence.

If looks could kill, James would be dead. And if there was something worse after death he would be there as well. The silence was so thick, James felt like breathing became hard, swallowing the lump in his throat as he looked down at the floor, not having the courage to look his friend in the eye.

“You’re an idiot.” said Remus. Nothing else. He left the words settle in, not giving a further explanation as he saw the guilt stir inside James’s chest.

“I know Moony, but…”

“There is no but here. You already know you fucked up, you said it yourself.” he said, his voice awfully calm as his face screamed a thousand emotions no one could nor wanted to name.

James felt the tears gathered in his eyes once again, holding Remus’ gaze with a shaky stance. He cursed under his breath, running his hands through his hair until he reached his face, hiding in the safety of his palms “I don’t know what to do.” he admitted, words muffled but clear to everyone in the room.

The door opened before anyone could say anything, the three friends turned towards the sound as they watched Sirius walk inside. He was completely oblivious to his friends all gathered around James, his steps faltering once he met the eyes of all on him.

“We looked for you everywhere.” said Peter with a nervous smile “You left the party early.”

Sirius opened his mouth, the words forming on his tongue and dying there.

“You went to see her.” James said, voice low as he met Sirius’s eyes “Didn’t you?”

Sirius turned his eyes away at the mention of you, walking to his bed and taking his jacket off. He moved slowly around the room, head low as he avoided the answers he knew he would have to give sooner or later.

Remus called his name, successfully making him snap out his trance.

“Yeah, I did.” he said, doubtful if he should go and sit with them or keep his distance. But once Peter and Remus moved to the sides and made some space for him to join he didn’t hesitate.

“How is she?” James asked, leaning his body forward.

“Better now.” he said dryly, not knowing how to explain the state he found you in. Not knowing in what state he left you in.

“What do you mean better now?” asked James in confusion, a frown set deep in his face.

Sirius shook his head “It would be better if you two talked.” he said.

Remus chuckled, looking down before he met the confusion of all his friends at the sudden sound leaving his lips “I can’t believe I’m saying this but he’s right.” he said, cocking his head in Sirius’s direction.

They all laughed, the air turning lighter as their laughs died down.

The subject wasn’t addressed for the rest of the night, all of them going to sleep a couple of hours later with their hearts heaving inside their chests. You had always been friends with the Marauders, more close with James, but still. They would be, in a way, losing a friend. They knew how you acted, how you thinked, you would keep your distance from them at all cost.

This plagued the minds of everyone as they went to sleep, some successfully getting some sleep while others didn’t have the chance.

Getting out of bed was easier than you thought it would be. The ticking of the clock making you open your eyes earlier than most days, there was no point in staying in bed. You went to the bathroom and followed your routine, getting changed for the day in your robes.

Twenty minutes later you were making your way through the empty halls of the castle, taking your time in getting to the Great Hall for breakfast as you enjoyed the chill morning air blowing in your face. You nuzzled your face in your scarf, feeling the soft material against your skin when the faintest of smells caught your nose, making your feet slow down as you looked down to the scarf. The pit in your stomach grew as you realized it wasn’t your scarf, not really, but the one James gifted you. There was no telling them apart, they were exactly the same scarf, except for the fabric that still lingered with his scent. It was clear for you it was his scarf, but no one else could know, so you kept going like nothing happened. In a way, he would be with you the rest of the day.

The day was just like any other for anyone watching, for anyone paying the minimum of attention. You made the effort of not standing out, which was an easy task, keeping yourself surrounded by your housemates in meals and during classes. No one even questioned you, no one asked where you went the previous night when you left with James, why you didn’t return. For the outside world you were still with James. For them, the previous night never happened.

You envied them, but at the same time you didn’t. You wanted the hurt to stop, but you didn’t regret telling James how you felt. You tried and he didn’t feel the same way. Now it was time to heal. Time for you to move on.

Only thing was, James remained one of the most popular students at Hogwarts. He was James Potter, Transfiguration prodigy, Captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team, known prankster and one of the Marauders. Everyone heard his name at least once a day and you weren’t the exception. Actually, you were far from being the exception, his name followed you everywhere you went.

Two weeks had gone by and you had managed to successfully avoid him. Of course you saw him walk around the castle, your steps faltering at the sound of his voice, your eyes staring at him longer than you should, your heart skipped a beat at the sound of his name, but you never actually interacted with him, and for that you were grateful. You made sure you always were with someone by your side, you shared most of your classes with your best friend and in the ones you didn't’ you kept mostly to yourself, engaging with the professor and other students as you normally would. You went on with your life the way you did before James, before the deal.

“Miss Y/LN.” Professor Mcgonagall called after class, your heart beating fast inside your chest as you slowly packed your things and walked to her desk, making time until everyone had walked out of the classroom.

“Professor.” you said, standing in front of her “Is there something wrong?” you asked, your voice surprisingly firm as you said it.

“Oh, no.” she said, looking up at you through her glasses “On the contrary.” she pulled a parchment form beneath her desk, opening it for you to see. A sigh left your lips as you saw the list she showed you “Are you still looking for someone to tutor?” she asked, her smile widening as she said it.

You nodded your head, your excitement matching hers.

“In that case, I have the perfect candidate.” She said “It’s nothing complicated, he needs help in a few subjects and only for the upcoming exams if he wants to keep his position in the Quidditch team, and I have a feeling you will be happy to tutor him.”

“Really?” you asked, getting confused by her confidence in her choice “Who is it?”

She looked up at you, an amused smile playing on her lips “Potter, of course.” she said.

Your smile fell instantly and it didn’t go unnoticed by her, putting her parchment down as she focused on you “Is there something wrong?” she asked in concern.

You looked at her, smiling tightly “No. I mean, well… we’re not dating anymore.” you muttered the last words, sitting in the table behind you without a care if it was appropriate or not.

Just like yours, Professor Mcgonagall’s smile fell from her lips “Oh dear,” she said with a sympathetic look on her face “Well it matters not if you are in a relationship with Potter or not, right now he is the only student who matches your schedule.”

You knew what she meant. You started tutoring to get higher grades in your classes, you needed that extra, heartbroken or not.

“Of course,” you said, accepting the papers from her and reading quickly over her neat handwriting “Fridays at the library.” you said, Professor Mcgonagall nodding in approval as you went through the details.

Not five minutes later you were walking out of her classroom, papers in hand and your spirit lost once more. Why must fate be so cruel?

James walked the halls of Hogwarts inside his own head. Friends waved in his way, professors called his name, people told him to watch where he was going. He waved back by pure memory muscle, not even noticing who he was waving back to; he hid inside his shell and ignored the words of his professors, words going in one ear and out through the other; he didn’t even stood for himself against others, muttering a low apology as he kept on his way. He was living on automatic.

Friday evening, the clouds rolled on the sky as the sun started to set in the horizon, making the day darker and darker as he made his way to the library, the place with just enough light from the candles to walk around. He wanted to be somewhat prepared for the session with his tutor. He was supposed to meet with his tutor for the first time that day, Professor Mcgonagall giving him the details earlier that day, with a hard look on her face as she said he should be lucky to have the tutor she chose for him, but never actually giving their name.

He needed this, he needed to keep up with his grades if he wanted to play quidditch, not even stay captain, just so they would let him play.

For the past two weeks, Quidditch and his friends were the only thing keeping him at float, the only things that prevented him from sinking in the guilt he could feel around him, slowly reaching his neck, barely keeping his head out. He couldn’t afford to lose one of those things.

He sat at the table farthest inside at the library, the book about the subjects he needed help the most open in a line in front of him. The words never settled as he read over and over the same page. He grunted, pushing the book away as the ones beside it fell to the ground.

“What did the books ever do to you?” his face snapped up at the voice, meeting red hair and a bright smile. Lily placed the books back on the table, slowly taking the chair in front of him.

He raised an eyebrow, the sinking feeling in his chest lifting the slightest as Lily sat there with him “Are you my tutor?” he asked suspiciously.

Lily scoffed, looking at him before she rolled his eyes, shaking her head and resting her back against the chair “I have enough work with my classes as it is.” she said, looking over all the books he had gathered.

“Here I thought you were looking to spend more time with me.” he smirked, smiling but the facade falling as quickly as it appeared. He couldn’t even act like he once did.

She smiled, looking up at him in confusion “Aren’t you and Y/N dating?” she asked.

And then it dawned on him, they never officially broke up. No one knew what happened that night, not even he was sure what happened. “Yeah,” he muttered, head low as he scratched the back of his neck “Not anymore.” he added, looking up to see Lily’s reaction.

She raised her eyebrows, leaning back and crossing her arms over her chest “Thats’ a shame.” she said, taking James by surprise “You were almost tolerable when you two started dating.”

“What?” he blurted out.

“That’s why I’m here.” she explained, and James gave her a dirty look, earning a chuckle from her “You didn’t think I was here for you, did you?” he muttered a No under his breath, the smile on Lily’s face growing but she said nothing about it “I’ve been looking for her all over the castle, I just can’t find her.” she explained.

“Why are you looking for her?” he asked, his voice suddenly flat as all emotion was drained from him.

She chose to ignore it, sensing the change in his mood as soon as he mentioned her “You know, it’s not important.” she brushed it off, taking her bag from the floor “I’ll find her by myself later.”

She said her goodbyes, starting to walk when his hand grasped her wrist “Lily.” he said, her eyes never meeting his. “Why are you looking for YN?” he asked again, never letting go of her wrist. Lily had a hard look on her, shaking his hand out of his grasp, lifting her head as her eyes softened.

“Y/N.” she breathed out, James' face turning into one of confusion until a sense he found himself missing every day for the past two weeks filled him once more.

You smiled tightly, hand over the handle of your bag as your eyes moved up from where their hands were second ago. Looking immediately at Lily with a more warmer smile.

“Hi, Lily.” you greeted her, not once meeting James’ eyes “I can come back later, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Not at all,” she said, her body acting by itself as it leaned forward to talk but the words never appeared, her sudden burst of energy dying down as she looked down at James. Her face fell but she covered it up quickly with a smile, reaching for her bag on the chair “I was just leaving, I’ll see you both around.” She bid her goodbyes and walked away.

You followed her with your eyes, until her red hair disappeared in between the shelves.

“I guess you are my tutor.” James broke the silence and you finally looked at him, the pit in your stomach growing. You took the chair where Lily sat before, nodding your head at him “Y/N, I…”

“I am,” you confirmed, taking the chair where Lily sat before “I thought we could start with Herbology, since it’s your worst subject.” you said, cutting him short “I thought we could leave Charms and Transfiguration for last, you’re good at those and you’ll need little to no help.”

“Right.” he muttered, leaning back when you moved away from him. Taking a little too long in getting your notes, practically burying your face in your bag.

The session was long, meeting once a week having its burden but one you were ready to carry. You had to help him with most of the subjects, but he was clever and you already knew how to teach him. He was doing most of the talking, asking questions when he got stuck in something. You wanted to smile, a soft smile forming but holding it back as you looked down at him. He was really clever, but he doubted himself, most of the session based on his questions to ensure he had the right point or idea.

“It’s getting late.” James said, closing his book softly as he stretched his arms over his head, a yawn escaping him as he pressed his eyes shut. He returned his eyes to you, your own gaze lost on some spot behind him “Y/N?” he asked, waving a hand before you.

“Huh?” you asked softly, your eyes taking a little longer to snap back to reality, immediately falling to the now empty table “Right.” you muttered, grabbing your things and shoving them down your bag.

“Hey, Y/N.” said James, lowering his head to meet your eyes “I think we need to…”

You didn’t let him finish “I’ll see you next Friday. If you need anymore help, just find me and we can arrange something.” you repeated the speech you had been going over in your head long before you arrived at the library, watching him nod you breathe out in relief “Goodnight.” you said, walking past him and out of the library, everything James wanted to say left hanging in the air.

“Hello, stranger.” you slowly raised your head, your blank look softening as you moved your things to the side.

“What are you doing here Sirius?” you asked with amusement, turning to the side towards his usual spot, Remus and Peter deep in conversation to even notice your eyes on them.

He scoffed, taking the seat with an offended look “Two weeks.” he said, palm hitting the table with each word “Two weeks since we last talked and you ask what am I doing here?”

You shrugged, making a face as you lowered your head “I’ve been here all the time.” you said back “Besides, we’ve gone longer without exchanging a word and the world it’s still spinning.”

“Glad to see you missed me.” he muttered, grabbing pieces of fruit from your plate despite you slapping his hand away “Stop doing that, I’m stealing your food anyway.” he hissed, stretching his hand when you took your plate away from him.

You gave up in the end, giving him the plate which he took with a smile “I’m going to class now.” you said, watching him nod “Do you need anything?” you asked him, grabbing your bag and standing, Sirius doing the same and following your steps.

“I’ll walk with you.” he said, grabbing one last piece of apple and walking with you.

You didn’t fight him, walking out of the Great Hall and turning right only to be tugged the opposite way. You complained but it was of no use, your hands pointing back as Sirius led you, his grip on your shoulders difficult to fight. “You do know the way to dungeons is the opposite of where we are going, right?”

“Of course.” he said, satisfied enough with your path, he let go of you and walked by your side.

“Just making sure.” you murmured, watching him as he walked peacefully “Sirius.” you called “What are you doing?”

“Nothing.” he said too quickly, the raise of your eyebrow making nothing to break him. “It’s nothing, I swear!”

“Right.” you laughed, shaking your head.

The walk, even though long, was enjoyable. You actually had missed Sirius, you missed them all. One month of having all your meals and spending all your free time with the Marauders was enough to make you miss it like it was your home. You missed the laughs, Sirius jokes and shameless flirting, you missed the blush rising up Remus’ neck at Sirius flirting, you missed having a serious and yet fun conversation with Remus about anything that came to mind, his wise words and sharp mind; you missed Peter, his sense of humour and never ending source of snacks, you missed sharing your food with him and sneaking them into class. You didn’t realize how much you missed them until Sirius told you all about them and how they were.

“You know you can always join us.” he said, the sad smile forming in your lips making him nudge your side with his elbow “I’m Sirius.” he said, wiggling his eyebrows as he walked backwards, entering the classroom with a smirk “No one is stopping you but yourself.” he said, walking to his seat next to James.

All consideration about sitting with them dying as soon as you met his eyes, holding your gaze for a second as he eyed you. His eyes moved away, the smile returning to his face but not completely, it didn't reach his eyes like it had before he saw you.

The pit in your stomach grew, letting your body fall to your chair as you dropped your bag on the floor. You sighed heavily, holding your head in your hands and waiting for the class to start. It was bound to be a long week.

“You can’t keep doing that.” Remus said that night in their common room.

“Do what?” Sirius asked, his eyes never meeting Remus’ as he threw the caramel in his hand at Peter, who catched it from the opposite side of the couch with a triumphant smile. Sirius threw a fist in the air, turning to Remus when he felt his glare on him “Use your words, Moony.”

“You have to stop taking Y/N’s attention away from James every time he’s with Lily.” he said, backing away as Sirius shushed him. “It’s friday, he’s with his tutor.” he reminded him, his body visibly relaxing as he flopped down on the couch.

“I’ll do it as long as I can.” Sirius said in a whisper “And you’re no one to talk, Mr. Glares.” he mocked, his eyes hardening in an attempt to mimic Remus’ look. Even Peter laughed at that, covering his mouth when Remus shot yet another glare at him.

“What is that even supposed to mean?” he asked, crossing his arms.

“Oh, please. Don’t tell me you don’t feel how your face brings winter upon us every time you see James with Evans”

“That’s what upsets you?” Sirius asked in disbelief “Not that they’re both heartbroken?”

“They knew what they were doing from the beginning. It 's sad? Yes, but…” he paused, shaking his head “I just want James and Y/N being friends again.”

“Or more.” Peter mumbled, making both Sirius and Remus groan as they stared at him. “No.” they said in unison.

James sat at the library, head buried deep in a book. His hand fumbled in the inside of his pocket, the soft clicking of metal sounding over the soft murmurs of the many voices at the library. He looked up at the clock again, you were rarely late. He got up, walking through all the shelves and checking every other table. You were nowhere to be found.

He sat down with a sigh again, reading over the notes and all the questions he had over the week about his assignments. He considered looking for you, taking you up on your offer to arrange something else, but Lily stopped him on his way looking for you.

He saw you walk out of your classroom, talking with some of your friends as you made your way to your next class. He spent most of the previous night working on his essay but for every question he found the answer for he came up with three more. In the end, he gave up and waited to talk to you in the morning. Following close, he avoided all the people in his way as he jogged up to your group, coming to halt a few feet from you when he heard his name being called. He turned, watching Lily walk up to him.

He stepped back, meeting her in the middle “Evans.” he said, smiling in her way. His eyes glanced at you, finding you already looking at him. Your eyes moved away from him, head low as you and your friends walked away. James sighed, focusing on Lily in front of him “What is it?” he asked, leaning in the wall behind him.

“Remember the other day I was looking for Y/N?” she asked, fumbling inside her bag as he hummed in response “Well, I found something of hers. I believe you gave it to her.” she said, pulling from her bag a thin silver chain, the small charm hanging from the end.

James watched the bracelet with sadness, taking it from Lily’s hand “Where did you find it?” he asked, the coldness of the chain in his hand making his heart drop.

“The tree by the Lake.” she answered “I was going to give it back to her but then you said you weren’t together anymore. She showed it to me, you know? Well, everyone actually. She was so happy she showed it to everyone at our table.” she chuckled.

“Right” he said, furrowing his eyebrows as he tried and failed to remember that specific time. You told him all about your attempts to annoy Lily. Then it hit him, you weren’t pretending.

“Anyway, I thought better give it back to you.” Lily said, walking a few steps and then stopping “You know? Whatever happened between you two, I’m sure you can work it out. You looked happy together, both of you.” and with that she left, Marlene waited for her at the end of the hall as they disappeared in the distance together.

He didn’t want to bother you anymore, getting rid of the bracelet he gave you clue enough to know you didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. He blinked fast, his vision blurry for a second as one tear fell down his cheek. Why was it so hard?

You were friends! You were one of his best friends. He trusted you and that’s why he asked for your help, you knew him better than most, you were used to being together, so what changed? You had kissed before your deal, held hands, hugged, every couple thing you did you had done before. Why was he asking himself what changed? He didn’t like you in that way, he told you so. Or did he?

“I’m so sorry.” your voice snapped him out of his trance, his eyes sad as he stared at you. Your hair was messy, one of your biggest and comfiest sweaters thrown over your head in a last minute manner, the scarf around your neck coming undone as you flopped won the chair. “Jamie?” you asked at his tranced state, his eyes snapping up at yours. You called him Jamie. “You okay?”

He felt all the color drain from his face, a bucket of cold water thrown in his face as he stared at you. When was the last time you had called him Jamie? When was the last time that you two had sat down and just chatted about life, that you made sure he paid attention in class and he made you get out of your room? When was the last time he heard you laugh, yell or muttered under your breath?

“James.” you called again, his eyes focusing on you before he jumped from his chair and left.

You were tempted to call him, but Madame Pince was giving you a dirty look already. You stumbled to your feet, gathering yours and James’ things as you ran out and after him.

He was walking aimlessly, his entire body and mind panicking. He could hear you calling his name, your hurried footsteps sounding closer and closer as he ran down the stairs, walking outside into the courtyard as the cold air hit his face.

“James,” you gasped, joggin all the way to the fountain to drop your things there. He was pacing, breathing short and rapid as he looked everywhere but to you. “James!” you called louder, getting no response from him “Hey, hey!” you said, grasping his shoulders “Talk to me.”

He took several deep breaths, holding your gaze and realizing he hadn’t looked at you, actually looked at you in the eye for far too long. “I’m an idiot.”

You frowned, your face contorted in confusion as you let your hands fall from him “Am I supposed to deny it?” you asked “‘Cause we both know I can’t.”

He chuckled “You still joke.” he said with a smile, running a hand through his hair as he turned his back to you.

“I still joke.” you repeated under your breath, looking at him “What is that even supposed to mean?”

If someone told you what was about to happen next you would have never believed them. No one, not in a million years could have prepared you.

“All this time I took you for granted. Thinking you were my friend, that this was supposed to be the way friendship works with you. I always knew it was different, never felt like Pads or Moony, but I took it because you were a girl.” he let out a breathy laugh, turning to look at you “Never felt like it did with Lily.” he muttered.

You hugged yourself, avoiding his eyes as you looked down “I get it, we’re friends.” you said in a whisper “You made that clear.”

“No, you don’t get it.” he said, making you roll your eyes tiredly, sitting in the brim of the fountain “I took you for granted.”

“I heard you the first time.” you said bitterly, looking at him with the same bitterness in your eyes “Look, James. I can’t be your friend anymore. I just can’t.”

“I don’t want you to be my friend.” he said, and you swore your heart shattered again. Lowering your face to avoid him seeing the tears gathering in your eyes, you wanted to say something Gee, thanks or That makes two of us but you didn’t trust your voice to say that without cracking.

“I never knew what love felt like until you went away.” he said, your heart stopping inside your chest.

“What?” you asked, voice trembling as you lifted your eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” he sat down in front of you, eyes wandering to your hands as he hesitantly took one in the warmth of his “I hurt you because I’m an idiot and you deserve so much better, so much better than an oblivious fool who doesn’t know what he has until he loses it.”

You tried to make sense of all the things he was saying but nothing made sense. “James...I-I”

“I love you too.” he blurted out, watching your every move, every twitch, anything that could give him an answer.

“No.” you said suddenly “You were pretending, remember?”

“That we were together.” he explained “But I’ve always cared about you, everything I did was because I wanted to. And yes, maybe Lily was there but I would’ve done it anyway, all of it.” his voice lowered considerably, watching you in your frozen state “I liked Lily because of the chase but I love you because it’s all I’ve ever known with you. I didn’t even know, everyone else did but not me. Two weeks of not being with you, not listening to your laugh, your jokes and your yells. I’ve missed the way we just exist together, going out and having fun. I missed playing with your hair, and you getting mad because I get it all tangled, I miss going to honeydukes and watching your eyes go wide as you don't know what to pick. I miss hugging you after a Quidditch match or after a long day.” he sighed, out of breath “I just miss you.”

You let the words settle in, processing every word and every thought as you stared at him in a blank state.

“I know I hurt you. I don’t want you to forgive me just because of all I’ve said but please, just please don’t hate me.”

“I don’t hate you.” you said in a low voice “I never did.”

“You didn’t?” he asked in disbelief, and you shook your head.

“I could never.” you told him with the smallest smile. You looked up, the stars shining in the sky as you let out a breathy laugh “Come here.” you muttered, opening your arms as he practically jumped to you, wrapping his arms around your waist tightly. Your arms hugged him, going over his neck as you sat closer than ever. One of your hands raised to the back of his head, running your fingers through his hair as you turned your face, placing a soft kiss in his cheek.

You don't know how long you stayed in each other's arms, at some point your head nuzzled in the crook of his neck as he held you close. The cold air hitting your faces.

“You kept my scarf.” he said, you tried to deny it as he smiled “It’s mine.” he picked up the end, showing you some loose threads and worn fabric “I recognize it.” he said. His eyebrows raised, letting go of your hand and reaching to his pocket. He moved back slightly, pulling the silver bracelet and holding it up for you to see “I believe this is yours.” he said.

“Sirius gave it to you?” you asked, his hand coming around your wrist and placing it over his lap.

“Sirius?” he asked, fastening the bracelet around your wrist “Lily found it.”

“Lily?” you asked, clearly both in confusion with the mix of names “I asked Sirius to take it.”

“And apparently she found it.” he said, holding your hand in his “Are you sure you don’t hate me?” he asked again.

“I don’t know, do people who hate each other do this?” you asked, your thumb brushing along his cheekbone, leaning in slowly and capturing his lips in a slow kiss. He moved closer, both of his hands cupping your face as he deepened the kiss, the smile that grew in his lips mirroring yours. He slowly broke the kiss, eyes closed as his forehead rested against yours. He opened his eyes and met yours, shining with bliss as his smile grew wider.

Your heart no longer felt shattered.

TAGS:

@fanficflaneuse @nebulablakemurphy @lupins-sweater @accio-rogers @gloriousrebelrunaway @slytherinprincess03 @not-today-anxiety @iwritesiriusly @trinimalfoyyy @haphazardhufflepuff @deafgirltingz @remmyswritings @peeves-a-legend @yourssuccubus @it-was-three-am @pamelalur15

If your name is like this it means I can’t tag you :(

P.S. At the end, the rest of the Marauders were watching James and the reader from one of the towers, they were so anxious that at some point Sirius yelled KISS HER YOU FOOL! and that he did. Their cheers could be heard all over Hogwarts.

#Shattered #James Potter #james potter x reader #james potter x you #james potter x y/n #young!james potter #james potter fanfiction #hp fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #marauders era

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youbloodymadgenius · 3 years

Text

Ivarello (Modern!Ivar x reader) Chapter 1

Moodboard by @quantumlocked310

Ivarello’s masterpost here

A/N: This is my entry for @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie 500 Followers Fairy Tale Challenge. It's a retelling of Cinderella. Congrats again, darling 💖

A huge thank you to @mrsalwayswrite, who's a great beta reader and an even greater cheerleader 😂

A massive thank you to @quantumlocked310, @vikingstrash and @serasvictoria. Thank you for agreeing to collaborate and for sharing your talent with me. Your moodboards are beyond amazing 🤩

In this story, Sigurd is alive. Ragnar and Aslaug are dead, but Lagertha didn't kill her. I took a lot of liberties with the show, I hope you won't mind.

Unlike the tale, there will be no magic involved. Not everything will be realistic, however. It's a fayritale, after all!

Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊

Summary: Orphaned five years ago, Ivar and his brothers have been living with Lagertha ever since. Now 16 years old, he wants to attend Harald's traditional Midsummer party, but obstacles stand in his way.

Warnings: description of car crash; orphaned kids; Sigurd being Sigurd; OOC characters.

Words: 1806

Additional note: I'm afraid I'll disappoint some of you. No more newspapers... The articles defined the setting of the story. From now on, it'll be a regular fic.

Hope you enjoy it nevertheless 🙂

🛡⚔️🛡

June 2021

Ivar yawns, rubbing his eyes, when he suddenly hears the front door open. The next moment, Ubbe shouts, "Hey baby bro, we're home!"

Slightly confused, Ivar looks at the time on his computer. Stunned, he blinks repeatedly, shakes his head and checks the time again, now looking at his watch. "Guess I lost track of time," he mumbles as he realizes it's really 5:30 pm. He clears his throat. "I'm coming!"

Yawning once more, he wheels to the kitchen. Hvitserk waves at him with one hand as Ubbe greets him with a grin and Sigurd... Well, Sigurd ignores him, as usual.

"Hello boys!" Lagertha smiles as she also enters the kitchen. "Did you go to the beach this afternoon?" It's a rethorical question, since sand can be seen on the tanned skin of his brothers, shirtless and wearing only swimming shorts.

When she looks down at him, her smile becomes softer. "Ivar, you seem tired. Did you work all day long?"

He nods, glad that for once she called him by his first name and not by one of those stupid nicknames that she likes but that make his skin crawl.

"Yep," he shrugs without smiling back, "I made good progress. The new version of your website is almost done. It could probably be online by the end of the week."

His stepmom flashes him a beaming smile. "Great, thanks!"

The conversation then moves on to the subject that everyone in Kattegat has been talking about for the last few days: the midsummer party thrown by their neighbor Harald Hårfager. Every June, it is Kattegat's not-to-be-missed event, to which every resident hopes to be invited.

Lagertha is invited every year, yet rarely attends; his brothers wouldn't miss it, not in a million years; Ivar never went.

He listens with half an ear as his brothers prattle on about the upcoming party, while taking a seat at the large, wooden kitchen table on which Lagertha has just put cakes and drinks.

"What are you going to wear?"

"Do you think Marit will attend this year?"

"Hopefully the music will be better than last year."

"Can't be as bad! What was the name of that reggae band?"

For a fleeting moment, Ivar entertains the thought of attending as well. Not that he's dying to, but… Sometimes, he feels a little bit like Cinderella in this house.

Don't get him wrong, it's not that bad.

First, his stepmom is not–

Wait, wait, wait, is Lagertha technically his stepmom? He's not sure. After all, she wasn't when his parents were alive, she was just his father's first wife. Anyway, she may be his guardian now, but he sees her as his stepmom and he honestly doesn’t give a shit if it's a little weird.

Where was he? Oh yes, Cinderella.

So obviously, Lagertha is not a wicked, haughty and abusive stepmom like this Lady Tremaine of the fairytale.

Actually, even if it pisses him off to admit it, she's pretty nice, patient and composed. Does he love her? Let's not exaggerate – he doesn't. She may love him though, which is a little bit uncanny, if he's being honest. He was the favorite son of her nemesis. Shouldn't she hate him? He would, if the situation was reversed.

The truth is, when he was younger, he tried, he really tried to hate her, blaming her for everything and anything. When too much pain prevented him from sleeping, he let his imagination run wild. There, bound to his bed of suffering, he could see Lagertha cutting the brakes on his mother's car, causing her crash, causing her death.

Of course, even then, he knew deep down that Lagertha had not killed his mother; that the story he told himself was just the product of his endless nights of insomnia. But what can he say? He needed this. Because blaming Lagertha rather than admitting that his beloved mother was at fault – by being distracted, or by falling asleep, he'll never know – was easier for the heartbroken boy he was.

Anyway... So yes, Lagertha is definitely not an evil stepmother like Cinderella's.

Also, he doesn't sleep on a sorry garret, on a wretched straw bed either.

Actually, he has a very large room on the main floor, with a king-size memory foam bed, a walk-in – well, a wheel-in for his case – closet and his own, huge bathroom, fully equipped for his special needs.

Sure, the bathroom and the dressing room were already there when his parents were alive; however, the memory foam mattress had been Lagertha's idea.

Anyway... So yes, he can't exactly complain about his sleeping conditions, unlike Cinderella.

And obviously, he's not forced into servitude.

Actually, one might think so, but no, he's not. Sure, sometimes he works for his stepmom, like today. But so do his brothers. When she had taken them in, she was a powerful businesswoman, working twelve to fourteen hours a day. Once she had become their guardian, she had rearranged her working time and learned to delegate; but even so, she had often run out of time. Therefore, it had seemed normal to them – yes, even to him – to help her out, each of them according to their skills and abilities.

So, while Hvitserk almost always does the grocery shopping, while Sigurd vacuums and does the laundry, while Ubbe mows the lawn and trim the bushes, he, Ivar, runs her company's website and sometimes even does the accounting. And since he loves computers and numbers, it's not exactly a problem.

Anyway... So yes, he's not a slave in this house. Unlike Cinderella.

So, yes, to sum it up, he can't really complain and he's by far not Cinderella. And he knows it.

But... Yes, there's a but...

Sometimes, he feels trapped, as poor Cinderella must have felt.

Sometimes he feels like a spectator of a life he doesn't belong to.

Sure, he doesn't have to be homeschooled – but gods, he's glad he is. The reasons for him to be continuously bullied by classmates are endless. The simplest ones being: he is a cripple, an orphan, the son of a dead mob boss, the smartest one in the whole damn school, let alone his class. Take your pick. It's no fun, no fun at all. Being home alone is preferable to that alternative.

Therefore, barely leaving the house except for medical appointments, he has no friends. He doesn't do sports either – obviously – and yeah, he lives a lonely life, filled with video games and Netflix series. And he's okay with that. Well, most of the time.

Sure, his brothers, or at least Ubbe and Hvitserk, always try to include him as much as possible. But the truth is that because of his legs, there are many, many things he just can't do.

And the other truth, the less pleasant one, is that he partially did that to himself. He cut himself off from a world that hurt him, yet he still misses this world sometimes. At times, he blames himself. Because his life, honestly, is hardly what you would call a life, is it? Not when you're sixteen.

That's why sometimes, like now, he feels this longing, almost a need, to live. To really, truly, fully live. And that's why, for a brief moment, lulled by the light chitchat of his brothers, he considers attending Harald's midsummer party.

But he knows better. This life is not for him, never has been, never will be.

And so, shaking his head, he chases the thought away and, placing his hands on his push rims, he's about to leave the kitchen while the incessant babbling of his brothers goes on.

"I can't wait."

"Don't tell me! As every year, the most beautiful girls of Kattegat will be there."

"Remember that burger food truck? Best burgers ever!"

"I've heard Y/N would be attending this year."

"There'll be booze and girls! Sounds like Valh–"

Wait. His mind goes blank.

Fuck.

What? Did he hear right?

As he replays his brother's words in his head, it's like there's an earthquake happening inside of him.

Fuck.

He stops breathing. Blinks, then clamps his eyes shut.

Fuck.

When he finally manages to draw air into his lungs, he swallows loudly before asking in a weird, high-pitched voice, his heart pounding in his chest, "What– What did you say, brother?"

Hvitserk turns his head toward him and shrugs. "I just said there'll be boo–"

"No, not you!" Ivar snaps at his brother, pointing his pointer finger at Ubbe. "You, what did you fucking say?" Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Lagertha frowning – 'no curse words in this house, boys'– and even if he barely contains an eye roll, he still mouths a quick 'sorry' at her before rewording his question, impatience coursing through him. "What did you say, dear brother? Who did you say would attend?"

Stunned, Ubbe looks at him with wide eyes. "Y/N? I said Y/N would come. That's what I heard anyway. She's Harald's niece. She was here once, right? Remember her, baby bro, huh?"

But Ivar is no longer listening, the blood draining from his face. Y/N... Y/N... Fuck. Finally. Fucking finally. After so long... He may see you again. Wow.

I'll go! I'll fucking go!

He barely contains the words, suddenly acutely aware of the deafening silence in the room, his brothers shamelessly staring at him.

With her brows furrowed and her lips turned downward in a slight frown, Lagertha takes two steps forwards before crouching down in front of him. "Are you all right, sweetie? You're a little pale."

He barely hears when Sigurd giggles, "A little pale? He's greener than an alien!"

Lagertha shoots Sigurd a dirty look and then gently cups Ivar's cheek. "Do you know her, Ivar? Do you know Y/N?"

Overwhelmed, self-conscious, freaked out, caught off-guard, he doesn't know how to respond. Should he tell the truth? Should he lie? His brothers will mock him, for sure. What is the point of telling the truth? What good would it do? On the other hand, he could really use some advice. Yeah. Sure. Advice from Sigurd. Just the thought of it is enough to make him sick. Fuck, what is he going to do?

Rushed words are out of his mouth before he can even gather his thoughts. "No. No. I don't. I mean, yes, I think I do but–" He's being pathetic and he hates it. So after a sharp intake of breath, he shakes his head and eventually replies in a flat, calm voice, the white lie rolling off his tongue. "I know her, but I thought Ubbe was talking about someone else. Sorry."

With these words, he hastily leaves the room, his eyes riveted on his knees, his heart still drumming in his chest.

Y/N. Fuck.

🛡⚔️🛡

Ivar's taglist: @waiting4inspiration @honestsycrets @lisinfleur @saldelys @gearhead66 @inforapound @readsalot73 @milkkygirls @xbellaxcarolinax @shannygoatgruff @zuxiezendler @hecohansen31 @lonewolf471 @fuckindiva @tgrrose @didiintheblog @peachyboneless @pieces-by-me @funmadnessandbadassvikings @ethereallysimple @destynelseclipsa @cocovikings23 @xceafh @mrsalwayswrite @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @pomegranates-and-blood @jadelynlace @grimeundglow @quantumlocked310 @alexhandersen-marcoilsoe-fandom

Ivarello's taglist: @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog @hashimily @prepare4trouble @supernaturalvikingwhore @funmadnessandbadassvikings

#ivar #modern ivar #modern!ivar #modern-ivar #modern ivar x reader #modern!ivar x reader #ivar x reader #ivar the boneless #ivar ragnarsson #ivar imagine #ivar fic #ivar fanfic #ivar fanfiction #ivar vikings #vikings ivar #cherrypie’s500 #fairytale retelling #ivarello

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sarcasmandships · 3 years

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honey and glass ~ spencer reid

i am in love with spencer reid but he only has eyes for jennifer jareau

spencer reid x reader angst + hurt/comfort (sorta, it’s all in first person but with no names/no specific descrptions)

song fic inspired by ‘honey and glass’ by peyton cardoza

word count: 4.8k

disclaimer: i do not ship jeid or think they had any chemistry but it’s a good opportunity for angst x

you know those kinds of girls who look like they're made of honey and glass like sticky sweet ash

it’s a summers night in california and i’m on the beach at sunset.

the sand is rough under my toes and a warm, gentle breeze blows a strand of my hair across my face; he lifts his hand to brush it away. tucking it behind my ear he stares down at me and the sun hits his face at a perfect angle, illuminating his hazel eyes like pools of honey. he leans in and i-

“ow!” i yelp, as morgan launches the volleyball at my head, “what was that for?”

“come and play,” he laughs, waving me over to where he stands with emily and hotch.

i shake my head, “no, i don’t feel like it,” i mumble, massaging my left temple where the ball bounced off my skull.

morgan rolls his eyes and jogs past where i’m sitting to collect the ball, “what’s up with you then?” he teases.

i shrug, “nothing. I’m just tired,” i say feigning an unconvincing yawn, “ask one of them to play.”

i motion with my head towards spencer and jj, they’re down by the edge of the waves and she throws her head back and laughs at something he says. her sheets of blonde hair ripple through the wind and he looks at her in pure awe and amazement as she giggles at something he said.

“nah, don’t wanna interrupt the kid when he’s trying to make a move,” morgan shrugs, “come play with us, we need an extra person.”

an extra person.

right.

because what else am i but another body to fill the space?

“i don’t want to,” i say, forcing myself to tear my eyes away from jj and spencer as i stand up, “hotch said the jet is leaving first thing tomorrow, i’m gonna head back to the hotel and get some sleep.”

morgan says something, but i don’t register it as i allow myself one last glance at spencer and jj. she is trying to convince him to paddle in the waves with her, he shakes his head but when she takes his hand in hers i can tell he’s melting inside as he follows her into the water.

and i just know that he’d follow her so far out to sea that his head was underwater as long as she kept their hands intertwined.

i turn away from morgan so he doesn’t see the tears burning in my eyes.

and you can't get the taste off your tongue burnt sugar and a little bit of rum

we’re in a dimly lit bar somewhere.

hotch left hours ago, he wanted to take advantage of one of the rare nights he would be there to read jack a bedtime story.

rossi is at a table in the corner, sitting with a woman who has not-so-subtly draped her leg over him.

derek is out of my line of sight and i’m thankful for that.

emily, garcia, and jj are dancing.

i sit at the table with spencer, he’s drunk.

more tipsy than drunk i think, but he so rarely drinks anything that the sight of him swaying along to the music was an anomaly. i can’t ignore the fact that his eyes are firmly fixed on jj as she dances, and i grip my wine glass so tightly i half expect it to shatter in my hand.

he leans across to me and my heart skips a beat as i inhale the alcohol on his breath, “i’m in love with her, y’know,” he slurs.

“i know, spencer,” i smile sadly and down the rest of my wine.

he doesn’t even notice when i grab my coat from behind him and shuffle towards the door.

and she dances in the rain with her clothes on drenched to the bone never knows when she's all gone, she's the life of the party

spencer and i are watching the big bang theory.

neither of us particularly like it, but there aren’t many channels on our hotel room tv and spencer enjoys the physics references at least. i watch his face light up as a character mentions something about quantum theory that i cant understand, and spencer launches into a rant about the universe and the stars.

i don’t have the knowledge to keep up with him or the heart to tell him to stop so i sit and listen, admiring the way his eyes sparkle and his hands gesticulate when no one interrupts him with a deprecating comment.

we sit there like that for the rest of the night, in our respective twin beds with him telling me the secrets of the universe and me wondering how on earth i will ever get over him.

and deep down I know that nobody flinches when she takes off her clothes

“anything you like?” emily asks me through the dressing room curtain.

“i’m not sure…” i mumble in response, biting down on my lip as i stare at myself in the mirror, “i-i don’t think this is my colour.”

the dress looked so beautiful on the hanger, but now that it’s on my body the fabric bunches up in all the wrong places and i can’t recall a time that i’ve looked worse.

the lights are just washing you out, i tell myself.

you’re having a bad hair day, it would look better with your hair down, i tell myself.

you just need some lipstick, i tell myself.

but when jj announces she has found the perfect dress and i stick my head out of the curtain to see her, i am slapped in the face with the realisation that it isn’t the lighting or my lack of makeup it’s just me.

because jj looks beautiful as always, her dress hugs her waist and the skirt fans out around her as emily demands she gives us a spin. she isn’t wearing makeup, her hair is in a ponytail too, the lights don’t wash her out because she is radiant and flawless, and the lights aren’t the problem.

i am.

i cry in my car as i drive home from the mall, and when i get home i tear everything out of my fridge and fling it into the trashcan. i vow to go to the store and stock up on salad and chicken.

i go to the store but i don’t buy salad.

and I wonder what it's like to be one of those girls to sit in the sun and look at the world and never think, "wow, am i enough?" ‘cause life is easy when you know that you're the main character

i’m in hotch’s office as he grills me about a stupid mistake i made in the field. i can hardly focus on his words as i shrink back in the chair, counting all the reasons that i don’t deserve to be in this job.

i’m not as smart or fast or strong as the others. i don’t have an eidetic memory or hacker skills and i can’t even maintain myself as a solid average agent because i keep fucking up.

“i’m not going to write you up,” he says, and my heart soars a little in my chest, “but i need you to understand that if you do something like that again i won’t have any choice, you were lucky no one got hurt today.”

i nod silently and blink back the tears that threaten to spill over.

“go home, get some rest,” he says and i don’t hang around for a second longer, darting out of his office i crash headfirst into a tall frame.

“wow, slow down,” he chuckles, resting a hand on my shoulder to steady me.

“spencer,” i gasp, looking up at his sympathetic smile, “what are you still doing here? we landed hours ago….”

he shrugs, “i waited for you.”

my heart skips a beat.

“you didn’t have to do that.”

he shakes his head, “you’re my best friend, i wanted to. plus i thought you might need someone after being in there with hotch.”

i swallow and offer him a slightly forced smile.

best friend.

“thanks, spence, that means a lot.”

he looks at me quizzically.

“what’s wrong?”

“nothing, just only jj calls me spence…anyways” he holds out his arm for me, “shall we go?”

i have to restrain myself from seizing his arm, and settle for tentatively wrapping my own around it, “thanks spencer…you’re such a good friend.”

he smiles down at me and its almost enough to melt away the icy feeling in my heart as i call him a friend. the coldness in my chest in my chest is a feeling i’ve grown accustomed to but when i’m with him everything is warm and bright again.

he feels like yellow.

and i feel like maybe i am enough.

and I'm sitting here thinking this is not fair

i feel like blue.

i’m alone in my apartment flicking through tv channels, trying to find something that isn’t a medical or crime drama. because after my day at work i can’t look at any more blood or dead bodies, even if its as fake as the pep in my voice when jj calls to ask if i’m okay.

“hotch grilled you pretty bad, huh? you sure you’re okay?”

“yeah, spence – spencer – waited for me and we went to get milkshakes after.”

“aww that’s so nice, you know i think he has a soft spot for you,” she teases.

something acidic bubbles in my throat, but i can’t tell her that i know she’s wrong because he spent half the night telling me how much he loves her. i have to gather the strength to respond without the venom in my heart poisoning my voice.

“oh, i don’t think so,” i laugh, “anyways, i should go – my movie is about to start.”

jj tells me to have a good night before she hangs up, and i switch off the tv. at this time there’s noting but romcoms and i don’t want to sit through hours of pining when its on replay every day at the office.

i watch my own reflection in the blank tv screen as sobs wrack my body.

but her smile makes it hard to be mad it's not her fault that I'm so fucking sad

jj holds me in her arms as i cry into her chest, “it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay,” she coos, rubbing soft circles on my back.

i sniffle against her and i just know that my eyes are puffy and red but i can’t switch off the floods of tears that fall from them.

“do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” she asks.

i shake my head against her because how could i tell her?

how could I tell her that the man i love is in love with her?

and that i want to resent her for it but i can’t because she’s such a good fucking friend that she’s sitting here with me, unknowingly wiping the tears that i can’t stop shedding because i can’t be her.

she gives me one of those heart warming smiles that could bring peace to a dying man, and in that moment i am reminded again of why he loves her. there are worse people to love, i suppose. if spencer is going to cut out his heart and give it to someone it might as well be someone like her.

but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

and i hate myself for the part of me that hates her. she’s done nothing wrong. it’s not her fault that that spencer loves her, and its not her fault that she doesn’t realise.

so I'll sit here and look at these girls in the sun dancing in the rain and just having their fun

i hate alaska.

my teeth chatter as we trudge through the snow filled field, and i pull the cuffs of my coat over my glove cladded hands. i hate the cold. i hate alaska. i hate the serial killer who dragged us all out here. i hate the impending snowstorm that was keeping the jet grounded for another night.

“should we even be out here?” i groan, “i mean if it’s not safe for the plane, then surely its not safe for us.”

“we aren’t 50,000 feet up in the sky though,” morgan says and i roll my eyes at him.

“it’s cold enough to make me feel like we are,” i huff.

spencer nods sympathetically at me, “i don’t like the cold either, not much snow in vegas.”

“i think we should have two behavioural analysis units,” i begin, “one to catch serial killers in cold climates, and the other in hot ones.”

he laughs, “i’d like that, but i think it’d just be us and garcia on the hot team.”

“we’d get by.”

he’s grinning at me, his messy brown curls are squashed down under his bobble hat but a few of them still manage to peak out. he’s wearing a multicoloured striped scarf and mismatched gloves.

a snowflake lands on his eyelash and i reach out to brush it off.

“thanks.”

“anytime.”

morgan launches a snowball at us, and it hits me in the back of the head, “hey! what is it with you and throwing things?” i snap.

morgan roars with laughter.

“not funny derek!”

he resumes his snowball fight with emily and jj and i draw my arms across my chest. i watch as they prance about in the snow, falling to avoid the snowballs launched by the others and laughing when they get hit. the sun is just starting to set, and it’s rays catch jj’s hair at the perfect angle, bouncing off the golden blonde strands as she dances around morgan. her and emily have joined forces to pelt him with snowballs.

i look up at spencer to see him starting at her in awe. his nose and cheeks are flushed from the cold, and the sun reflects against his own face, illuminating his eyes. they’re beautiful. like honey and glass.

“guys! come join us!” jj calls.

i shake my head, “there’s not enough money in the world.”

she pouts at me, “spence, please,” she says sweetly and before i know it he’s by her side and scooping up snow.

i watch from the side-lines.

spencer roars with laughter when emily hits morgan square in the face with a snowball, he wraps an arm around jj as she nearly collapses from laughter, something twinges in my stomach.

but he looks so happy, and that melts my glacier heart slightly.

maybe alaska wasn’t so bad after all.

and maybe one day, i can forget the past and be one of those girls of honey and glass

“nice to meet you, agent,” agent fitz says, holding out his hand, “we’ve heard good things about you up in the new york office.”

“really?” i say, shaking his hand and i can’t fight the smile that creeps across my face.

“really. give me a call if you ever fancy a change of scenery.”

“i’ll keep that in mind, agent fitz,” i give him a nod and a smile as he walks away.

new york was cold in the winter, but it didn’t seem like the worst place in the world.

but I think that it's hard for people to see that I love all these girls, and honestly it doesn't matter what you look like or how much you weigh

i wondered once how i’d ever get over my love for spencer reid, and now as he sits and sobs on my couch i realise that i don’t want to. it hurts me to love him, and something stabs my heart every time i catch him staring at her, but he deserves someone to love him like he loves her.

“i guess i’m just starting to realise that she’ll never love me back, and i don’t know why or what’s wrong with me,” he says and looks up at me, his eyes filled with tears and his face blotchy and red.

“there’s nothing wrong with you,” i say, wrapping an arm around him and wiping his tears, “sometimes the people you love just don’t love you back, but that’s not a reflection of you or your self-worth,” i reiterate to him the mantra i say in my mirror every morning.

he whimpers and my heart breaks for him.

“it doesn’t feel that way, it feels like i’m dying inside every time she talks about him or tells me about their dates, and i try to be a good friend but-”

his voice cracks and another sob escapes his chest and i tighten my grip around him; heartbreak doesn’t seem to get easier with age, because here we are, two fbi agents in our late twenties crying over our crushes like we are in junior high.

because before i know it the tears are flowing down my face faster than his and when he breaks away from our embrace to ask me why i’m crying, i can’t tell him it’s because i am feeling everything he is.

“i just don’t like seeing you like this,” is all i can muster up.

it's just that these girls know they're okay there's a beauty in knowing your place in the world in loving yourself and knowing your worth

“hey!” spencer greets me as he steps into the elevator with me.

“hi,” i mumble back, taking another sip of coffee from my travel cup.

we’ve been called in on a case, but i’ve barely had any sleep and i’m struggling to keep my eyes open.

“you look tired, are you okay?”

you look tired.

so the bags under my eyes were obvious then.

“yeah,” i say, swallowing the lump in my throat, “just a late night, y’know.”

“oh…oh! is that your way of saying your date went well?” he says with a coy grin.

“what?”

oh! something clicks in my brain and i understand what he means.

“no! not like that no…actually it didn’t go well at all, he turned out to be a total misogynistic creep,” i say with a bitter laugh.

“oh, i’m sorry….”

i shrug and take another swig of coffee, “it’s okay, you didn’t know. to be honest i’ll probably end up calling him again anyways.”

spencer stares at me, confused, “why would you do that?”

“well, i don’t exactly have guys falling over themselves for me, do i?”

spencer frowns and i can see his brain working overtime behind his eyes, “so you’re just going to settle for less than you deserve?”

“i don’t have many other options do i?”

he reaches out an arm to place a comforting hand on my shoulder, “don’t worry, you’ll find the right guy for you soon. it’s only a matter of time, you’re worth more than a misogynistic creep,” he squeezes my shoulder and before i know it we’ve already reached our floor and he’s gone.

you’ll meet the right guy for you soon.

what if i already have?

you don't have to be perfect or never get sad that's not what it means to be honey and glass

it’s late and i sit at my desk, sorting through piles of paperwork.

my eyes blur as i enter the gruesome details of our latest case, from fatigue or tears i can’t tell. i think emily and hotch are still hanging around the office somewhere, but the others had gone to dinner as soon as we landed, promising that they would do their paperwork tomorrow.

i knew i would have no appetite sitting across a table from spencer and jj so i had sat silently in the back of the suv as hotch drove us back to the office.

a singular tear rolls down my cheek and splatters on my page, smudging the not-quite-dry-yet ink. i let out a shaky breath and wipe my eyes, i don’t know why i’m crying really.

no one had necessarily done anything wrong. only when we were in the field and the unsub had detonated the bomb, spencer chose to push jj out of the way instead of me. i was lucky that one of the s.w.a.t agents had grabbed my arm in time and pulled me back to safety.

it had been hours and my ears were still ringing from the explosion.

maybe spencer thought he was closer to jj, that he had a better chance of saving her, we are trained to make difficult choices based on survival odds, i told myself.

only spencer hadn’t been closer to jj, and she was surrounded by three s.w.a.t agents whilst i only had one next to me. but no one had really done anything wrong, no one died, no one even broke a bone. and it pains me to admit to myself but had i been in spencer’s position and had to chose between saving him or morgan, i know that would pull spencer out of the way every single time.

i jump as emily creeps up behind me, “hey, you okay?”

i don’t even try and disguise my puffy, red eyes or tear tracks as i look up at her, “no. but i think that’s okay.”

and everyone has their highs and their lows the nights you spend crying, believe me, I know

it’s roslyn’s birthday.

i don’t think anyone else in the team knows because they keep exchanging looks whenever jj snaps at one of them and i can see the annoyance in their eyes.

when jj barks at spencer and snaps her pencil within the space of five minutes i drag her into a storage closet and wrap my arms around her.

“shhh,” i say soothingly, “it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay.”

jj shakes her head, “i don’t think so, i thought this day would get easier with time but it’s just getting worse,” she sniffles.

i stroke her hair, “i know, i know its horrible and you deserve to cry as much as you want to. but you are so strong, and i know you can get through this-”

“i’m not,” jj shakes her head, “i’m not strong or brave or anything that you all think i am, i’m not like you I-”

“like me?” i question.

“you always hold yourself together, whenever there’s a case with a kid i’m falling to pieces but you keep it together. i mean i’m the one crying in a storage closet….”

i stare at her in disbelief, because jj is the strongest woman i know and i don’t understand how she can’t see that.

“i don’t have a sister who killed herself jj,” i say slowly, “you have survived 100% of the bad things that have happened to you because you’re a fighter, that makes you strong.”

she shakes her head and clings to me, “but i’ve lost pieces of myself, i’m not the same person i could’ve been if life had been kinder to me and that makes me sad. my sister is dead and that makes me sad, everyone thinks i’m this strong and perfect person and that makes me feel guilty because i can’t be that person.”

in a turn of events, she is crying into my chest, her hair is greasy, and her mascara runs and i realise that my best friend was never truly on the pedestal i placed her on. and i realise i am part of the problem, treating jj like she is the be all and all of perfection and unattainablity when i should just be treating her like a friend.

spencer loves her and that kills me but it’s not what’s important right now. i’ve spent too long inside my own head, struggling to view her as my best friend or the other woman but now i see that she is someone that needs my help.

i know what it’s like to cry myself to sleep so i don’t want jj to go through something like that alone. so i vow there and then, to push my own feelings aside and be whatever she needs me to be.

i don't want to be these girls for beauty or fame but for the confidence they have in their own damn name

“smile!” garcia says as she appears with a camera.

emily, jj, and morgan turn to face her and pose but i duck out of the frame. garcia pouts and morgan grabs onto my forearm to pull me back into shot. i wish that i had the self-confidence to let him, to fall in next to him and make a silly pose at the camera and not worry if my hair was sitting nicely or if i was breathing in enough.

“come on! i need pictures for my scrapbook and you’ve been dodging me all night!” she whines.

i stare down at my feet, “garcia i’m not photoshoot ready like these guys,” i say, trying to make my voice light and floaty but it just sounds like im choking back tears.

“come on, just one picture,” jj says kindly, waving for me to come and stand next to her.

i shake my head again and wring my hands. the last thing i need is another photograph of jj and i to compare myself to every time i’m feeling extra low and self-destructive.

i try and remember the vow i made, to be there for my friend despite my own feelings. but she isn’t sad anymore, she’s happy and smiling and drinking wine, me squeezing in between her and emily for a stupid photograph isn’t going to make or break her.

it’s just a stupid photograph.

“no thanks,” i choke, “i’m going to get another drink,” i scurry away to the kitchen before anyone can object.

i shut the door quickly behind me and press my back up against it, taking a deep breath. i can’t quite believe i was successful in escaping garcia again.

“are you avoid garcia and her camera too?”

“spencer!” i laugh shrilly, “i didn’t even see you there.”

“yeah, i’ve been hiding in here for a half hour,” he smiles sadly, “i hate having my picture taken, especially next to morgan. he makes me look even lankier if possible.”

i frown, spencer had no reason to feel insecure.

“why don’t we get garcia to take a picture of just us two?” i suggest nervously, “you won’t have any reason to feel insecure next to me….”

he looks at me quizzically, “what do you mean?”

i wring my hands again, “just that you’ll automatically look even better if i’m next to you…cos’ i’m…well y’know,” i say awkwardly motioning to my face and body.

he cocks his head to the side, “are you trying to tell me you think you’re ugly, so i’ll look better by comparison?”

i shrug.

“well, i think you look beautiful.”

so I'll sit here and look at these girls in the sun dancing in the rain and just having their fun

we’re on the plane journey home.

spencer and jj sit next to each other, their arms pressed together as they share the arm rest. spencer is reading a book; his eyes scan down the pages at lightening speed and i know he’ll be finished soon.

i am on the opposite side of the plane, i sit by myself, i like the space.

i keep my eye on them throughout the flight; just as i predicted, it doesn’t take long for spencer to finish his book and he places it down on the table in front of him. jj picks it up and teases him for the long-winded title, i don’t catch what she says, something about astrophysics.

he starts to ramble, and she interrupts him with another teasing remark, he flushes when she gently nudges his chest. i turn my head to stare out of the window, biting my lip.

they aren’t even doing anything, jj is just being friendly. and i still can’t handle it. i lie my head back against the headrest as i gaze out of the window, admiring the new york skyline as it fades into the distance.

a nervous chuckle from spencer snaps me out of my trance, and i look back over to see him and jj giggling secretively as she whispers something into his ear.

“where are you going?” emily grumbles, she’s half asleep with her legs splayed out across two chairs when i accidently bump her foot.

“bathroom,” i say quietly with a forced smile as i shuffle past jj and spencer, my heart seizing in my chest as she teases him about how long his hair is getting, brushing her hand through the curls.

i’m already silently sobbing in the bathroom so i miss the pitiful look that emily and morgan exchange.

and I know it doesn't make sense to forget the past but I promise, one day, you'll be honey and glass

“agent fitz?” i say, clutching my phone tight in my hand.

“ahh, i’ve been wondering when i’d be hearing from you.”

i laugh quietly, “yes, well i’ve been thinking about what you said, and i think i could do with that change of scenery now.”

i wrote this in a couple hours and didnt proof read so apologies for an errors :))

part 2

#spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds imagines #jennifer jareau #jj #emily prentiss #derek morgan #aaron hotchner #David Rossi #Penelope garcia #the bau #angst #hurt and comfort #spencer reid imagine hurt

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mirkosintern · 3 years

Text

Crawlin’ back to you

pairing: dabi x fem!reader

genre: smut with a lil angst and fluff if you squint

notes: reader is a member of the lov, set in the meta liberation army arc (before the war!), possessive dabi, wowee this is my first work!! I never expected myself to be able to write a piece but here we are ehehe this was inspired by a certain tiktok actually. U may have already noticed but the title is from the song do I wanna know? by the arctic monkeys<3

warnings: 18+, unprotected sex, breeding, cum play, dubcon-ish?, toxic relationship, degradation, vulgar language, alcohol

word count: 3k

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That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day Crawlin’ back to you Ever thought of callin’ when you've had a few? 'Cause I always do Maybe I'm too busy bein’ yours to fall for somebody new Now I've thought it through

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Dabi wasn’t one to do feelings. He’s screwed numerous women, but they were nothing more than some toys to fulfill his sexual needs. Neither did he want to have feelings, nor did he need to. Afterall, his side hoes who begged to stay with him even after all the degradation he’s given them disgusted him the most. He would snicker at their pathetic attempts and cut them off ruthlessly.

However, you were an only exception.

No, he did not have feelings for you, he swears he never did and never will. But you were different from his other disposable sluts--he kept you around. He didn’t ghost you, instead, he kept coming back. It is only because you’re a member of the lov as well, he thinks. You are easy to access since you’re always around the lov base, and he doesn’t even have to worry about getting caught by civilians or stupid bitches who suddenly decide to turn him into the police. You guys were practically co-workers with benefits, fuck buddies where the “buddies” part is questionable.

Dabi didn’t mind that he made an exception for you until that night. That very night where you sleepily decided to crawl into his arms after a rough round and whispered him how you loved the rough texture of his skin against yours. That very night where you pressed delicate kisses beneath his jaw. The moment of intimacy—making his heart pound and warmth spread beneath his cold skin—was threatening. You were threatening.

That’s where he cut you off completely. He did not knock on your bedroom door located in the lov base anymore. He stopped sending those “you up?” texts at 3am. He didn’t even lock eyes with you or talk to you anymore.

It feels as if something heavy dropped inside you, squashing your heart to the point where it’s painful. You try your best to ignore the pang in your chest and remind yourself that you guys were nothing more than co-workers with benefits. However, the enduring heartburn only functions to make you realize how attached you were to him. He’s Dabi, the biggest scumbag you will ever meet, what did you expect? What were you thinking? It should be no surprise this happened, right? But having to encounter his stupidly handsome face every day was not doing any help. You are a girl with dignity, you tell yourself, trying your best to ignore his strong scent of campfire and cologne drowning you every time you guys are in the same room.

The pain is suffocating you for weeks, and you finally decide to completely get over him. The night Dabi brings a bimbo to his room and fucks her loud enough for everyone in the lov to hear—for you to hear—you’re done with everything. You step outside, get drunk, do anything to numbify the pain the raven-haired guy has caused you, and even meet a nice-looking guy who seems to be interested in you.

You are doing good without Dabi.

You don’t need Dabi anymore.

You are not letting him get to your head.

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A party.

League of villains is all about privacy, but they also started having some fun after uniting with the meta liberation army. Now they had sufficient money, people and place to throw parties every now and then without the danger of getting caught by civilians. Afterall, a number of heroes were in their side as well.

“Not gonna lie, you guys do know how to host parties.” Keigo smirks, picking up a glass of bourbon whiskey. “It’s fuckin’ lame,” Dabi answers as he downs a glass of liquor.

“So, what happened with y/n?” Keigo throws a suggestive smile.

“The hell you mean what happened with her?” Dabi frowns.

“Y’know, didn’t you guys used to be a thing or something?”

“Nah, she was an occasional fuck and that’s it.”

“Oh really? The Dabi I know never fucks a same bitch twice though. I thought she was something special.”

“Special?”

“Yeah, thought maybe you actually wanted her.”

A smug grin appears on Dabi’s face. “Never even liked her.”

“Have you seen her and her new boyfriend?”

The smile is quick to vanish from his face after hearing the word boyfriend. Dabi’s eyes widen, immediately glaring at Keigo. Before he could say anything, Keigo tilts his chin to point something.

“There they are.”

Dabi turns his head only to find you clinging onto some guy’s arm. Your cheeks are flushed –a pretty, pink glow on your face—as you bat your eyelashes at the guy. Bubbly giggles escape from your lips while you stare at him through half-lidded eyes. The guy’s arm is secured around your waists, pulling you closer to him.

Dabi sees red.

His entire body freezes as his grip around the liquor glass tighten. Dabi doesn’t say anything for a moment, but there is no way Keigo wouldn’t pick up how his cerulean eyes are flaming at the sight. “Well, I thought you knew.” Keigo pats Dabi’s shoulder. “Wouldn’t matter anyways right? You never liked her.”

“…Right.” Dabi takes another sip from the liquor, his eyes still fixed to you.

Keigo’s words are true; at least they are supposed to be true. Dabi didn’t have feelings for you. He doesn’t do romance. No feelings were ever involved with any of the women he’s slept with, and he made sure of it. It was so clear for Dabi without a question.

But why is it unable for him to erase the sight of you with some guy as he forces himself to sleep that night? Why are your sweet giggles echoing his head? Why can’t he get rid of the thought of you in that tight, black dress that perfectly complements the curves of your body? Why is the moment where the guy places his hand on your inner thigh replaying in his head? Why are thoughts of you messing with his mind?

“Fucking hell.”

Dabi gets up. This was fucking annoying. You were truly fucking annoying.

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You tilt your head to check the glowing digits of your digital clock on the nightstand. 2:15am. It’s late, and you haven’t even taken off the dress you wore to the party. You are too tired both physically and emotionally. You’ve done quite a decent job in entertaining the man who’s accompanied you through the whole party, but it was truly an energy-consuming task. You and him walked around as if you guys were the happiest couple in the party; but the truth is that you guys aren’t even properly dating yet. Solely because you have constantly been refusing to properly answer him asking you to be his girlfriend. It’s not that he’s bad looking or anything, but the idea of being with him just doesn’t sit right with you. Ever since you’ve met him, he couldn’t keep his hands off you without asking you anything about consent. You always had to pull his hand away with an uncomfortable smile, yet he never took a hint. However, when a dating rumor about you and him started and spread quickly, you didn’t try to correct anything. Maybe it was because you wanted to pull out a reaction from a certain villain. Maybe your unusual actions at today’s party; clinging onto the guy and laughing at every single word he spoke; was to make Dabi witness how happy you were.

Truthfully, you were dying inside.

What was even worse was that none of your attempts seemed to bring an ounce of reaction from Dabi. When have you become so pathetic and desperate? You feel tears welling up in your eyes, hot and burning, but you don’t want to cry. Not for an asshole like him. You take out your phone, find the guy’s name, and text him that you don’t want to see him anymore. You feel a little guilty, thinking that you may have used him to provoke something from Dabi, but your thoughts are too worn out for you to comprehend anything. You flop onto your bed and bury your face in your pillow. You huff out a deep sigh, and the soft texture of your cotton pillow feels warm on your cheeks. In all honesty, you were thinking about Dabi the whole time you were at the party. Whenever the guy’s hand creeped up your thighs or gripped on your ass, you imagined it was Dabi’s, trying your hardest to feel something from the contact.

You weren’t over Dabi. You never were. Realization hurts, leaving a sour feeling in your mouth.

Your body shoots up at the sudden, loud slamming sound emerged from your door. Your teary eyes widen at the lean man slamming the door shut. “Dabi?” You ask, not believing your eyes. “What the hell are you doing here?” Without an answer, Dabi’s one hand reaches for your throat as his other hand grips your wrist. His large body is towering over you, and you feel your bed shift as he dips one knee in the mattress. His sapphire eyes pierce through your soul, and you can feel his raging anger just from looking at him.

“You’re such a pain in the ass, y’know that?”

“Dabi, what are you-“

He doesn’t let you finish the sentence, pulling you in for a heated kiss. Your lips open reflexively, enabling him to deepen the kiss. The kiss is aggressive, and he doesn’t know whether it is because of his anger or his pent-up desires towards you that he has been suppressing. The kiss gets sloppier over time, hot and wet with saliva and tongue. He lets go of the grip on your wrist and starts tracing your inner thigh with his thumb, and you let out a soft moan. You finally pull away from the kiss to catch your breath, but he doesn’t cease to caress your thigh. Instead, he lowers himself to your ear. “You seem to really love thigh touches, don’t you?” His low voice and hot breath brushing the shell of your ear sends chills down your spine.

“Huh?”

“I always knew you were a slut, but never knew you were this much of a whore. You would bend over any guy who offers you some touches, right?”

Tears swell in your eyes again at his vile words, but it’s hard to talk when his knuckles are repeatedly brushing your clit.

“I’m… not a slut…nngh.” Suppressed moans escape your lips.

“Yeah? Why are you making those sounds then?”

“Dabi…”

He yanks your dress up and dips two fingers inside your lace panties, making you let out a weak yelp. Dabi raises his brows with a smug grin on his face.

“Oh, so she indeed is a slut huh? You get this fucking wet from a kiss?”

His two digits start pumping inside you, and you grip on his white shirt at the sudden sensation. Your gasps and moans get louder, and you suddenly feel his wet lips against your neck. Dabi sucks hard, making sure to leave dark purple marks from your jaw to your neck and shoulder, as he repeats the step of curling his fingers and pulling them inside and out your hole. “Dabi…too fast.” You whine out. “Yeah?” A sadistic grin appears on Dabi’s face. “Be a good slut and take what I give you.” His thumb reaches for your clit, making your legs shiver.

“Nngh…stop, I’m gonna… Dabi I’m gonna cum.”

“Stop? You want me to stop?”

“No!”

“Do you deserve it though?” he slows his pace while teasing your clit. “Beg.”

It’s humiliating, really—but do you have any other choice when you are this close?

“Please, Dabi… I’ll be your good slut. Please let me cum!” Your desperate cries have him pumping his fingers fast again, and soon you’re seeing white. Hot drops of release coat Dabi’s fingers as he pulls out.

“Say ah.”

“A-ah.”

You obey, and Dabi sticks his digits inside your mouth. Your mouth wraps around them immediately, sucking as if it’s a pacifier. “Good girl,” Dabi says as he pats your head, and it makes your stomach swoop with sick pride.

The bulge in his pants is becoming painful, and he contemplates on fucking your mouth. But he’s too impatient; He feels the need to abuse your cunt right now. He wants to hear your screams and cries as he proves who you belong to.

“Take that off.” Dabi gestures at your dress, and you start undressing as he demands. Dabi pulls down his sweatpants and boxers, causing his cock to spring out. It’s so pretty, you think, and you can’t help but admire his red tip, glistening with precum. He pumps his length a few times and lines it up with your entrance. You inhale a sharp gasp as you feel his whole length inside you. It feels so full; it feels as if he’s gonna split you in half if he starts moving.

“Ah, too big.”

“I know.” Dabi looks down on you. “Take it like a little slut you are.”

Before you could even talk back, he is moving inside you. Your moans blend with the noise of the bed creaking; a perfectly harmonized orchestra to Dabi’s ears.

You knew Dabi wasn’t one to prep you or go slow, but you feel like he’s going way rougher than usual. His wild thrusts have your head lolling backwards, and Dabi does not miss the chance to take a hard bite on your neck. You scream out of both pain and pleasure, and you feel two hot streams of tears on your flushed cheeks.

“Aww, she’s crying.” Dabi says in a mocking tone. “Bet you love the pain.”

Humiliation fills your chest and you turn your head away, but Dabi quickly grabs your chin with one hand, forcing you to directly face him.

“Who’s the one making you feel this full?” he asks.

“Y-you.”

“Did he ever make you feel this way?”

Wait, he? Who does he mean by he? Your alleged boyfriend? Could it be possible that Dabi was doing this out of jealousy? You try to comprehend, but it’s impossible for you to think clearly, not when Dabi is fucking you stupid. “No!” You shout.

Dabi’s free hand reaches for your clit and starts rubbing circles. “Tell me, who does this pussy belong to?”

“You…” You try to answer, but he suddenly lifts up your lower body and slams into your cervix in the right angle. It has you moaning even louder, your insides spasming around his cock.

“I can’t hear you.” He smirks sadistically.

“You, Dabi, it belongs to you! I belong to you!” You’re screaming his name like it’s the only word you know, making his cock twitch. “That’s right. You are all for me, all for me to use. Just a pathetic little slut for my cock.” A satisfactory grin appears on Dabi’s face.

Dabi lowers his body down and grunts directly into your ear as he thrusts even faster. The sound of his skin slamming into yours is so erotic, and you can feel how close you are.

“You wanna cum huh?” His words have you nodding frantically, babbling incoherent words. Yes Dabi—wanna cum so bad—wanna be yours—wanna be your good girl—please, dabi.

“Then do it. Make a mess on my cock.”

“Nngh, Dabi!” You scream out his name as euphoria washes down your body. His release follows you soon enough, painting your walls white. You feel warmth filling your belly while his groans echo in your ear. You’re still sobbing and panting after he pulls out, without any energy left to move. As your blurry vision starts getting clearer, you feel his warm skin and the sting of his cold staples against your back. His long arms wrap around your oversensitive body, pulling you closer to him.

“You’re messing with my head.” Dabi rests his forehead on the back of your shoulder.

“Huh?”

You’re confused, but Dabi doesn’t elaborate. His ego doesn’t let him do such thing.

“When you said you belonged to me, did you mean it?”

You bite your lower lip, not knowing how to respond to his sudden question. Millions of unspoken words and feelings are hanging in the back of your throat, creating a huge lump. You swallow them all and spit out a question instead. “Do you want me to belong to you?”

“Yeah.” Your eyes widen at his unexpected response, butterflies fluttering inside your chest. “Be mine.” His low voice vibrates against your soft skin. Your heart melts at his words, and you cannot stop your feelings from overspilling anymore. At that moment you both realize; you and Dabi were meant to crawl back to each other, no matter how hard you both try and struggle.

“I’m yours.” You smile, “I’m all yours.”

#dabi x reader #dabi x y/n #dabi smut #bnha x reader #bnha smut #mha x reader #bnha x y/n #touya x reader #touya x y/n #todoroki touya x reader #dabi #todoroki touya #dabi lemon #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #dabi fanfic #dabi fic

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cheonsa-gyu · 3 years

Text

telling txt that you love them for the first time

› members x reader

› fluff

› no warnings

› a.n ⟶ just absolute heart fluttering fluff and confessions

› i take no credit for the gifs used. full credit goes to the rightful owner.

› masterlist

› request

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y e o n j u n

Yeonjun would accidentally say those three words to his s/o randomly.

It would have slipped out of his mouth, without him even realizing it.

When he did, he felt beyond embarrassed, ready to dig his own grave.

He loved his s/o so much, but he knew it was a little too early to say those words.

After he processed the situation for a second, he would play it off, reacting shocked as if he couldn't believe he just said that.

He'd pretend something came over him, almost as if he had gotten possessed for the duration of it.

So, when you couldn't help but laugh at his incredibly cute reaction, you'd lean in and kiss his nose every so softly, to stop his rambling.

You returned his words with sincerity.

Yeonjun would most likely start giggling, from the entire situation as it was quite an odd first way to exchange confessions.

Nonetheless, he would always treasure this moment, and he would adopt the habit of kissing your nose, from here on.

"Wow... did I just say that?"

s o o b i n

Soobin is someone who doesn't always necessarily sit down and really think about his emotions.

He lives in the moment.

Don't get me wrong, the boy can easily express his emotions if he wants to, but he needs to really feel them in that moment.

Soobin would pick you up to go and get frozen yogurt together.

He would hold your hand, swinging back and forth ever so lightly as you walked there.

This action always made you smile, as you knew he did it aimlessly.

So you finally broke, telling him those 3 words you had wanted to tell him for so long now.

Soobin stopped dead in his tracks, as soon as he heard them.

His eyes lit up, and he broke into the biggest smile.

His eyes were squinted together, wrinkling his nose slightly.

And his dimples appeared more prominent than ever in his huge grin.

He would pull you in for an affectionate hug, brushing his thumb back and forth over your arm.

"I love you too, Jagiya"

b e o m g y u

Beomgyu would most likely not open up about his feelings first.

Beomgyu in general had a tendency to hold back, which is why it took so long for you guys to exchange these sweet words.

It would happen in such a casual manner, yet it would mean everything to Beomgyu.

You'd be cuddling together on the couch, watching a movie on a Sunday night.

You felt so at peace, resting in your boyfriend's arms, just enjoying your free time together.

Without realizing it, you had been staring at Beomgyu for a while, finally catching his attention.

And that's when you told him.

He would be the softest boy in the world.

His reaction would be so wholesome, covering his cheek with his hand, as he was basically dying from how cute you were.

He would cup your cheeks with both of his hands, cooing at you, while squeezing them together.

From here on he would become absolutely obsessed with telling you these words, just so he could hear you say them back.

"Awww... I love you more"

t a e h y u n

Taehyun would never be the first one to say 'I love you'.

He respects you way too much, and would never force you to feel uncomfortable or pressured in any way.

Instead, he would show his affection for you through actions.

It could be something small like stopping to tie your shoelaces for you when they had come undone.

Or bringing home your favorite snacks, even after working all day.

So, when you finally told him those sweet words, it would be right after one of these moments.

At first, he thought he heard wrong, slightly confused.

But when you repeated the words again, he figured he couldn't have misheard it twice in a row.

He would be a mess, smiling like absolute crazy, trying to cover up his now rose-tinted cheeks.

He would honestly think about it for days on end, replaying those sweet words leaving your mouth, inside his head.

He would probably be too shy to even think of a response at first, but a few days later he would tell you how much he loved you.

"I love you so much y/n"

k a i

Kai is the youngest, which does mean he has a limited amount of knowledge about dating and a certain pure image attached to him.

Since he is pretty new to the dating scene, he would be someone who would overthink things a lot as well as develop feelings too quickly.

So, Kai had wanted to tell you his true feelings for a long time but continuously worried about messing up.

So he waited until you said the words first.

Then when you finally opened up to each other, and you finally told him your feelings.

Kai would immediately feel a huge amount of relief.

He would be ecstatic at the thought of his s/o loving him just as much as he loved you.

He would carry such a bright and genuine smile, you couldn't help but feel butterflies in your stomach.

Even though he was relieved, his cheeks would still gleam red, like a bright tomato.

"I love you too!"

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pro-fangirls-unsocial-life · 3 years

Note

Could you do some soft kisses with Cody after a hard mission

Hey anon! Sorry this took so long to fill but I’m finally writing again!! School has been keeping me busy but I hope that you enjoy this nonetheless!! Also thank you to @captainrexisboo for being my beta reader for this!!!

Washing Away Memories

Cody x Reader

Warnings: Blood. Mentions of death. Nudity but nothing explicit. Injury. ANGST.

Also you can be added to my taglist here!

He had walked into your quarters without so much of a word coming from him, covered in dirt from the planet below and his posture slouched like he was carrying the weight of the universe on his shoulders. As he slowly removed his armor, you could see the small winces and pauses of pain when he moved too fast or was in an odd position for too long. His blacks were torn in some places and you could see cuts and wounds on his skin beneath them.

“Cody? Are you alright?” You stood up from your desk, slowly walking over to him as his head hung low.

He wouldn’t meet your eye, only looking down at the floor as you approached and not moving an inch since you had spoken, like he was afraid to look up at you and show you the war still raging behind his eyes.

“Cody?” You said, reaching out slowly for one of his wrists. He flinched away from you slightly, his eyes screwing shut as he angled his head as far from you as he could. You could see his lip start to quiver and his body start to tremble. Barely noticeable if you weren’t so close and if he had his armor on, but enough to make your worry spike even more than it already had.

You reach out for his wrist again, grabbing it lightly as your other hand comes up to cup his face, angling it back toward you. His eyes were still shut as the tears that he had been fighting so hard to keep from falling start leaving trails in the dirt that was plastered to his face.

You move your hand from his wrist to grasp his hand, pulling it away at the feeling of something sticky on his glove. Looking down at your own hand, you see it covered in crimson liquid, partially dried and starting to thicken. You head whips back up to look at Cody’s face, switching your gaze back and forth between him and your hand. He has his eyes closed; his face still pointed down. “Cody?” Your voice had picked up a bit of panic at seeing the substance on your hand. “Is this blood?”

The silence from before returns and you see him take a shuddering breath before finally speaking in a low, broken whimper. “It’s not mine….”

There are still tears coming from his closed eyes, falling faster now after his confession. His small whimpers now being the only thing to occupy the deafeningly quiet space.

“Oh, Cody…” Using your thumb, you wipe some of the tears from his cheek, creating a small smudge in the filth that covers him and wrapping your other arm around his back, holding him close as he starts to sob into your shoulder.

“He was just… just a kid- couldn’t have been more than sixteen biologically…” You feel his hands finally come to hold you, fisting the fabric of your shirt as he brings you closer. “Hadn’t…. Hadn’t even earned his paint yet…”

You stand there, just holding him for what feels like hours. Softly petting the back of his head and rubbing soothing circles on his back as you whisper small reassurances into his ear. “I’ve got you, Cody… I’ve got you…” Not wanting the silence to allow the newly formed nightmares to return to the forefront of Cody’s mind.

After a substantial amount of time, his cries start to quiet, his breathing becoming more even as you continue trying to sooth him.

“What can I do for you?” You whisper, still rubbing his back.

He pulls back, his eyes red and puffy and looking as defeated as you had ever seen him. He looks into your eyes for the first time that night, his jaw still trembling and his breathing still more erratic than it should be. “Just… Stay with me… Please… I don’t want to be alone tonight…”

You bring your hand up to his face, cradling it as he leans into your touch. “Of course, my love. Anything for you.” Taking a step back, you kneel down, taking off the rest of the armor from his legs before standing back up. “Do you want to take a shower, or do you just want to go to bed?”

Pausing for a moment, he looks down at his hands, seeing the dust and blood that still covered them. Every moment that led to him being covered with so much debris from the battle replaying through his mind all at once in a hurricane of terrors. “I- I want this off of me…”

“Alright,” you say, voice soft and low. “Do you want me to help?”

He nods, taking your hand when you reach out to him and letting you lead him toward the fresher in your quarters.

When you get inside the room, you have him stand, turning on the shower to let the water start to heat up. Once you have done that, you help him remove his blacks, being careful not to disturb the injuries that were littered across his skin.

You press a kiss to his shoulder before another on his lips. “Do you want to get in and I’ll join you in just a second?”

He gives you a small nod before stepping into the shower, facing the stream, and letting out a sigh as the water begins to cascade down his skin, already taking some of the dirt and blood caked onto his skin with it. Some of the tension releases from his shoulders, almost like the water is washing away some of the weight that had made its home there while he was away.

Quickly taking off your clothes, you step into the shower behind Cody, pressing kisses along his shoulders and rubbing your hands up and down his arms. “Think you can turn around for me, baby? Let me wash your hair?”

You switch places with him, standing to the side of the water so that he is getting the full spray on his back.

Bringing your hands up, you angle his head back into the water, making sure that his hair is completely wet. Then, you grab the bottle of shampoo from off the wall, squirting as much as you would need for him into your hands and threading them into his hair, tenderly beginning to massage his scalp.

A low groan comes from his chest as you work the soap into his hair, his shoulders relaxing, and his eyes fluttering shut at your fingers on his scalp. He leans into your touch, enjoying the first chance he has had to relax in weeks. The first chance he had to think about something other than the war he was forced to be a part of since his creation.

Once you finished, you helped him lean his head back into the stream, using your hand to shield his eyes from the soap as it rinsed off of his head.

You quickly repeat the process with conditioner, making sure that the water stays hot, and that Cody is still alright with your hands on him.

“You still ok?” you asked, moving your hands to massage the muscles in his neck as the last bits of soap washed off of his body. “Is it alright if I wash the rest of your body now?”

He gives you a small hum in confirmation, the tension he still holds quickly disappearing as you work your fingers over his muscles.

Slowly, you take your hands away, grabbing a soft cloth and running it under the water before gathering soap on it. You begin to delicately drag it across his skin, putting enough pressure to gather up all of the grime that had accrued on him during the weeks long campaign and wash it away, hoping that with each pass of the cloth, some of the horror behind it would be washed away as well. As you worked over his skin, you made sure to be extra careful around his wounds, trying your best to not give Cody more pain than he already had.

When you got to his hands, you made sure to be additionally tender, massaging them in your own as you cleaned the blood off of them that had soaked through the material of his blacks. As if cleaning them off would clean the guilt from Cody’s mind, making him forget the images of the little brother dying in his arms. Once they were clean, you pressed a kiss to his palms before continuing on to the rest of his body, hoping to attach his hands to at least one positive thing before the day is finished.

You turned to him once you had finished, kissing his cheek and bringing your forehead against his. “I’m gonna step out so that I can get you clean clothes and a fresh towel. Alright? Do you think you can finish rinsing off while I go do that?”

“Mhm…”

With his confirmation you step away, grabbing a towel and quickly drying yourself off. You walk back out into the room, throwing on your own clothes before making your way over to the chest at the end of your bed where you kept an extra pair of Cody’s blacks and the set of pajamas that you had bought for him the last time you were both planet side.

On your way back to the fresher, you dimmed the lights, knowing that Cody would most likely just want to sleep once he was dressed.

You grabbed a fresh towel from the shelf, stepping back inside the steamy room, the water still running as Cody finished.

When the water finally shut off, you stood ready with the towel, wrapping it softly around Cody once he stepped out and helping him dry off. He flinched, letting out a pained grunt as it ran over one of the cuts on his back, prompting you to grab all the bacta and gauze that you had in your room and to start carefully tending to his wounds.

He was silent through all of it, the only sound being the buzzing of the fluorescent light from the ceiling and the occasional wince as you patched him up.

With every wound you patched up, you pressed a kiss to it once you had finished, wanting to just give the love to Cody’s body that he had never had the privilege of possessing. You wanted to take every single bit of pain and lock it away, making sure that it could never dare to come close to the man you loved again. You wanted to make Cody forget everything he had seen and experienced and replace it with the happiness and love that he deserved. Because to you, he deserved the universe, and you were going to do everything you could to give him even a fraction of that if you could.

After applying bacta to every wound you could find, you gave him a once over, checking to make sure that you had not missed anything before helping Cody put on the soft, 212th colored pajamas that you had gotten him.

He visibly deflated before your eyes, all of his tension melting away as he let out a breath like he had been holding it for hours.

You put your hands on either side of his face, kissing every part of it that you could reach and tracing his scar with your lips before finally landing on his mouth. His arms wrapped around your middle, pulling you close to him as he pulled his lips away and buried his face in your shoulder.

“Thank you…” he whispered out, his voice being that of a man beaten down by the galaxy around him. “Thank you for everything, cyare…”

You take a step back, just enough so that you can look at his face before placing another kiss on his forehead. “Always, my love.” Taking a hold of his hand, you begin to lead him back out into the main room. “Let’s get some sleep.”

He nods, the tiredness clear in his face as he crawls into your bed.

As you settle in next to him, you wrap your arms around his body, giving him a sense of safety and overwhelming love before pressing a kiss to the back of his neck as he cuddles into you.

You feel him squeeze the hand that is wrapped around his waist, bringing it close to his chest and kissing your fingertips. “I love you, cyare. Thank you… for being here for me when I get back. You… You don’t know what it means to me.”

Giving his hand a quick squeeze, you kiss the back of his neck once more, curling in tighter to him as his breathing begins to even out. “I love you, Cody. You deserve the universe and more, and I will always be here to try and give that to you when you come back to me.” You close your eyes, feeling his heartbeat under your hand and his warmth against your skin as you fell asleep behind him. “I promise my love. I will always be here for you.”

#commander cody x reader #commander cody x gender neutral reader #commander cody #washing away memories #my writing #blood tw #death tw #nudity #injury tw

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justanotherpjofan · 3 years

Text

Last part of memory less Cale this is the happy ending the official one, I'm planing on doing a sad one as well I couldn't decide on one so maybe doing both would be better.

"Gift?" Cale have more less idea of who was the one infront of him, he have heard of a crazy priestess that served the god of death.

"Yes, but the bastard didn't tell me what it was, he is only eager when he is whimpering about you, young ma-

Cage stopped talking, the air behind Cale was fluctuating and a very strong black mana could be seen, Raon was angry.

"So it was that god of death BASTARD!!" He had the suspicion, but getting a confirmation was different from just a guess.

Cage face turned into a grimace 'that fucker really did something bad again'

"Did something happened?" Her voice was almost a gasp.

"Well...

"Did something happened!? YES that fucker god of death stole our human memories that's what happened!!

Raon was going ballistic but then he heard his human voice.

"Language..." He was nagging him!

Raon behave himself a little after being scolded for his rude choice of words but that was not enough to calm his anger so he was silently planning a murder.

Cage was at lost of words how was that supposed to be a gift it was more like a punishment or a wicked game to entertain himself.

She was already cursing.

"So if it was a gift could he take it back then?" A calm voice asked

It was suprising how Cale could be so calm even at this situation, but he was boiling inside, also he had a little hope that everything would be easily solved.

He was tired of having headaches and heart pain all day long, sometime he swear he could listen weird voices calling for him, of course he had no way of knowing that they were his ancient powers trying to connect to him.

The children eyes were shining if the god of death took his gift back everything would be fine.

"Sure I wil deliver your message and tell him that you didn't like his gift at all, he should take it back after that"

"Take back what?" Choi Han had come find Cale and the children because they had taken more time than usual on their stroll.

"Maybe I can regain my memories"

Choi Han eyes were glistening as well but not much later they twisted into a cold glare, if Cage has here that meant that it was him again.

'Why can't he understand that meddling with other people's affairs is bothersome and doesn't help at all'

Now Choi Han was also silently planning a murder, in such a gruesome way that even the normal Cale wouldn't help but to called him vicious.

Sensing the new pressure around him Cale couldn't help but sight before choking up, he felt his body being crush by an unexpected aura.

Normally, talking to a god was painless but if that god was outraged the things were different and the worse part? The god could not perceive the pressure that he was exerting but Cale could, especially because the god of death was aiming for him.

Soon everything was pitch black and Cale became unconscious, his body didn't drop to the floor thanks to Choi Han being there to grab him.

Inside Cale's mind was a mess he could see the troubling gray fog every way he turn to, it seemed to be endless.

Outside it wasn't any better. Cale was sweating again, trembling slightly and his breathing was fast as if gasping for air.

The last month he had passed out a lot but not like this, the other times were as falling sleep, this one was more like a night terror.

Cale was getting anxious when he heard a neutral voice that felt like a endless void just like the fog.

"I thought that you would like it, a life without all of those painful and permanent memories that always tormented you on your sleep"

Cale was at lost of words.

However even if Cale didn't knew, it was true that lately he was being able to sleep peacefully without all the weight of those horrible records that used to replayed themselves on loop every night.

"Fine, I'll take it back but I warn you it will hurt, are you okey with that? Also you will have to deal with them again, do you still want them back?

Although he was right Cale felt that it was a necessary burden and even if they hurt he couldn't ignore them because they were his and make him who he was.

"Yes"

"Alright then" the god's mood had relaxed and was thinking more rationally.

The gray fog turn into mist an then vanished, but the memories he had lost hit him like a tsunami.

What the trickster god of death didn't mention was that he would need to revive them all at once in order to regain them.

And the buried emotions that were with them drown him, the fist one to hit him was loneliness as he recalled his parent's dead.

Soon followed impotence as he saw people dying left and right when earth changed, the names he had remembered now have meaning.

A mix between loss, loneliness, anger and guilt shallow him whole recalling the last words Lee Soo Hyuk told him, and how it was not his fault but deep inside he had always blamed himself.

Then years of himself solely focusing on his job just not to think followed

On the other side his family was panicking, the damm that Cale had maintained all his life was tearing apart, as tears ran down and moans escaped his mouth.

They dried his tears and wait patiently, as Eruhaben had pointed out the fog was no longer there, all that was left was for Cale to woke up.

Hours went painfully by as Cale showed no sign of getting better, more than a half of his life was a tragedy so it made sense.

And finally the memories from when he was transmigrated into Cale Henituse's body went by and he started to calm down even if he had felt physical pain his mind had never been in such at ease before.

True he had just wanted a slacker's life instead he had found something more troublesome but precious.

He had found a family, a large and rather annoying one but it was his.

The crying stopped and so did the heavy moans which were replaced by a peacefully breathing. soon after he opened his eyes.

He placed his hand on top of the little dragon's head, as always he was with him, and patted the other children letting them know that he was awake.

"Dosaeng do you know who we are?" Alberu once again was the first to speak mainly because he was the only one who kept some head-level, he asked softly through the communication device.

"I do hyung" he whisper tired.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, why would I lie to the brightest sun in our kingdom?" His voice was hoarse after being asleep for almost a day and a half.

"You truly are back"

"Cale-nim!"

"Weak human!"

"Nya"

"Tsk tsk unlucky bastard"

"Welcome back young master-nim"

Also the voices of his ancient powers were scolding him happy to be heard again.

Right he was finally back, he was home.

And that's all thank you for reading if you get this far, I'm not sure about doing a sad alternative ending but I can give it a shot as a practice.

Sorry I know I have many grammatical mistakes, but english is not my mother tongue so I'm practicing.

#cale henituse #tcf #trash of the count's family #alberu crossman #raon miru #choi han #ron molan #on #Hong #eruhaben

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anotheranimestan · 4 years

Text

Sweet Intoxication

Tamaki fans!! Come get yo juice!

Tamaki fluff with a lil spice (just a lil)

wc: 3.2k

I can’t be the only one who thinks the Suneater is 🤤 I could write about him for days

Being UA High’s #4 ranked third year, it’s no surprise you’d created a great friendship with the Big Three. You were particularly close with the group’s resident “kitten” as Nejire liked to call him. You met during your first year when you were sat next to each other during class. He was so shy and wouldn’t talk to anyone except Mirio, even despite your many attempts at making conversation.

Until one day, you hurt yourself during practical training and he offered to walk you to the nurses office (much to everyone’s surprise). The entire time he was dead silent with a look of pure embarrassment across his face since you had to cling to him to walk. Once he dropped you off you expected him to leave while Recovery Girl fixed you up. But when you exited the office, there he was. Sitting on the floor waiting for you, his face riddle with concern.

When he spotted you his eyes lit up. “So um-are you okay y/n?”

It was the first time you got to hear his soft voice so clearly. It made your heart swell. You knew right then you wanted to keep him.

Ever after that moment you two stayed close and kept an eye on each other. He was still timid at first but over the years it blossomed into an air-tight friendship. You were practically apart of the Amajiki family after the amount of dinners you had with them. Not a day went by that you two didn’t walk home from school together.

That is until today. You see, during lunch Nejire let it slip that Tamaki had a crush on you when she thought you couldn’t hear. Little did she know you were standing right behind her as you approached the lunch table.

You were so caught off guard and your eyes grew wide as you locked eyes with your best friend. His face was pure horrid humiliation. Mirio desperately tried to make light of the situation and pretend it was all a joke but the damage had already been done.

Tamaki immediately fled the cafeteria, knocking over a few first years on his way out.

You were still frozen in place trying to process what was happening. You definitely didn’t expect him to have a crush on anyone, let alone you. He never talked about romantic interests like that. And considering he tells you almost everything on his mind you’d think you’d have some sort of inkling about this.

Your train of thought was quickly interrupted by the horrible thought of how much of a hit to Tamaki’s self-confidence this probably was. He’d become so much stronger and more social. You couldn’t let all his hard work get reversed.

You chased after him but he was gone. Disappeared off the face of the planet for the rest of the day.

You were worried sick and couldn’t think about anything else but finding him.

As soon as the final bell rang you bolted for the Amajiki house. Of course his mother let you in with no hesitations and immediately informed you of his exact location (His room. Where else? That’s where he was always hiding). Although the suspicious look on her face told you that Tamaki’s condition must be bad. He probably came home early and locked himself away without a word. Not completely out of character, let’s be honest, but still it didn’t put you at ease.

You slowly approached his door trying to form some kind of plan to fix this. What was the best tactic though? Should you tell him? Tell him that you’ve secretly been crushing on him this whole time? Since that day at the nurse’s office when he held your hand for the first time? When his voice alone captured your heart. You were sick over the thought. You’d desperately tried to keep it a secret and hadn’t told anyone, even Nejire (for obvious reasons). You were scared that you’d scare him away with your feelings. You’d rather have him as a friend than nothing but that didn’t stop you from constantly dreaming of kissing him or holding hands again or cuddling every night while watching his favorite movies.

You didn’t have an exact plan but you desperately wanted him back so you had to try something. Anything.

The door was locked. You knocked as gently as possible. He was easy to scare.

“Tamaki? It’s me. Let me in.”

You heard a miserable groan from behind the door. “Please leave me alone to die.” He plead from inside. Always one for the dramatics. Something you secretly loved.

“Come on! You’re really going to lock me out like this? A bit dramatic don’t you think?” You insisted, slightly amused.

And just like that the lock clicked open. You let yourself in. It was dark except a little glowing ball lamp in the corner of the room that illuminated everything up with an indigo glow.

He was sitting on his bed against the wall, hugging his knees and burying his face.

You shut the door behind you and stood for a moment. You really just wanted to run over there and cuddle him. Tell him every reason you’re putty for him. But you didn’t want to push him. There was an art to dealing with a mopey Tamaki and you knew it well.

“So how long have you been sitting up here? I hope you at least finally ate some lunch.”

He peeked his head up at you. You were rustling a bag filled with his favorite snacks. You saved these in your locker for moments exactly like these.

Your heart fluttered when you saw those eyes you loved so much. Although his eyebrow were furrowed in embarrassment, still, he looked adorable as ever.

You took this moment as an opening and slowly approached, careful not to spook.

You took the spot directly in front of him. He’d still not managed to look you directly in the eyes.

“Sooo...” This is where you had no game plan left.

You finally had the chance to feel nervous now that you knew he was okay. Your heart started racing in your chest as the anxiety coursed through your body.

“This is the worst day of my life.” He concluded covering his face again with his hands.

You rolled your eyes. “I think there are worse things.”

“Like what?” He said like he was proving a point.

“Like...” You exhaled and gave your honest answer without thinking. “losing your best friend.”

He groaned again. “That’s exactly what I’m saying, y/n!”

Your head tilted. “What?”

“I can never talk to you again now.” The pure teenage agony in his voice was ridiculous.

You giggled. “You’re talking to me right now, dummy.”

“And now you’re laughing at me.” He leaned his head back against the wall in distress.

You reached up and grabbed one of his hands, pulling it away from his face.

“I’ll be very offended if you stop talking to me.” You inform him with humor in your tone.

He looked down at you finally. You were breaking through.

“But...aren’t you weirded out?” He was grimacing at the horrible cafeteria memory that had been replaying nonstop in his mind.

You laughed.

“No more weirded out than usual.” You poke him in the stomach. He was aggressively ticklish so he jumped and grabbed your hand instinctively. Now you could see his whole face again and you were so relieved. You missed it.

His eyes were trained on your hands and he nervously played with your fingers. He did this a lot and it always sent butterflies flying in your stomach.

“You ran out the cafeteria so fast you didn’t even stay for my reaction. Also, those first years are gonna be looking for revenge tomorrow.”

He cracked a tiny smile.

“So...what is your reaction?”

The nerves were really electric now. You almost panicked. Were you really about to admit to your long time crush just how head over heels you were for him?

You were silent for a while which didn’t put Tamaki at ease. He was sure you were going to reject him. You were way out of his league. You were heavenly and pure beauty in his eyes. You could make him warm just by smiling at him that’s how much he loved your aura. How could you be into a loser like him. He could barely stand up straight next to you and the other members of the Big Three. You didn’t know it but right under the bed you sat on he had a hidden a sketch book filled with his drawings of you. Or at least attempts as he called them. He could never capture the curl of your eyelashes or the soft slope of your neck quite right. And the lips. They were always off. Yours had this perfect kissable quality to them that he wished he could experience rather than just draw onto paper.

His pining was interrupted by your sharp inhale as you began to answer. He looked at you under his thick lashes, dying to hear your response. It made your cheeks burn and the words get caught in your throat. Your mind must have overheated because it completely shut down and your body acted on its own.

You didn’t say a word. You just pulled his legs down from against his body and climbed onto him. You wrapped your arms and legs completely around his body like a teddy bear and squeezed him tight.

At first he was stunned but quickly recovered and hugged you back. Your hair was completely covering his face but it was comforting being indulged in your familiar scent of shampoo.

You two confided in each other for a long moment. No words could express what you were trying to say.

After a while you pulled back to look at him. Big mistake. The soft glow of the rich indigo light made him look dream-like. Suddenly you were picturing all the things you had been imagining doing with him...to him.

He wasn’t blind to the way you were staring at him. Blank eyes lost in thought and lips parted like they wanted something. You looked angelic. Sitting on his lap and holding him tight. You were exactly what he needed.

He knew this could be the moment he’d been waiting for all these years. But of course his usual anxiety was holding him back from experiencing you like he wanted. You were so so perfect. He couldn’t possibly...

Your brain switched on just for a moment to spill out a few incoherent words. “I want...this....you. I’ve been.”

Overwhelmed by your words he finally gave into his desires as his head dipped down into the nook of your neck. His lips hovered over your skin and you felt his hot breath ticking your sensitive spot. You wished he wasn’t so hesitant but you could also easily savor this moment forever. Tamaki was finally satisfying your craving for him.

Your hand rolled up gently into his silky hair and your eyes fluttered shut when he finally made contact.

His lips were so soft and molded perfectly into the curve of your neck. He slowly trailed around your collar bones and up to your ear.

Your face nuzzled into him as he tasted you.

His gentle touch made your heart swell and bespelled your body to curl into him more and more.

His tongue began grazing the tender skin he’d laid the ground work on. Dragging circles around your sweet spots and sealing them with kisses. His warm breath sending chills through your through your muscles.

The sweet rhythm of his breathing, his snug hold on your waist and the vibrating hums of enjoyment resounding in his chest...

He was mesmerizing. This little Suneater easily held you in a trance like it was nothing and without even knowing it. Your body was soft like dough, molding into him as you succumbed to his warmth. Your head had fallen limp to the side so he could access as much as he desired.

His voice was thick like honey as he shyly spoke into your ear. “You...taste really good.”

Your eyes were still locked shut, under hypnosis but a smile spread across your face.

“Does that mean one of your limbs is going to turn into me?” You said with a drunk little giggle.

He noticeably shrunk under your words. “Please don’t tease me. You’re making me so nervous already.” He cried desperately.

Your eyes finally cracked open to look at him properly. His face was wrapped in conflict and self-doubt as usual.

So many responses flashed through your mind but only one managed it’s way past your lips. There was truly only one thing you wanted to say anyways. “Can you kiss me please?”

You needed more of him, his previous performance already had you hooked and aching.

Red flush spread across his cheekbones and the tips of his pointy ears. His gaze fell under as he considered something. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time. I’m honestly surprised I’m even getting the chance.”

As if you weren’t already deep under his spell, his words managed to further melt you like butter.

His voice was dark velvet. A sharp contrast to his normal shaky tone. “I just want to ask...do you really like me?”

“Tamaki...forget like...I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you.”

Your words slipped out of your mouth but it was like hearing them underwater. You were so detached from reality in this moment. Just pure bliss was conducting your movements while your mind was on hiatus.

His red washed face turned bashful as he tried to comprehend your words. He couldn’t stop a cute little grin from spreading across his face.

Before he could recover enough to verbally respond, your thumb placed itself on his bottom lip that was still lightly swollen from exploring your neck. The weight of your hand pulled it down to expose his pearly white bottom teeth.

This pouty look made him even more appealing, your mouth was practically watering at the handsome sight before you.

He acknowledged your hungry look as his invitation and his pouty lip puckered around the pad of your thumb. He placed kisses on each of your fingers and finally your knuckles before he pulled you close to him.

The movement wafted some of his cologne into your nose and just like that you were drunk on him again. He could have you.

His lips pressed into yours and it was like your whole world came to fruition. You realized then just how badly you’d wanted this. He trapped your bottom lip and gently sucked letting his tongue start it’s magic again.

Your arms contracted around his neck to pull him as close as possible and he respectively deepened his kiss.

He nibbled on your lip just enough for butterflies to start flapping around on your chest. Just when you think you’ve hit sensory overload he whips out something new. You already identified kissing him as your new addiction before your first kiss was even over.

His confidence was slowly building as he became more familiar with the curves of your mouth. Assessing exactly what you were liking by the barely audible gasps of euphoria you were making.

He strung you along for a while like this, each next move being more endearing than the last until finally he pulled away to give your lungs a chance to pull in some air. Obviously you didn’t want oxygen right now but at least you got to be intoxicated by some more of his scent.

“You’re so pretty.” He mused as his eyes glazed over your features. “And—and your lips are really soft.”

Suddenly a little self-consciousness washed over you. You weren’t used to his compliments like that. You accommodated this by nuzzling your face into his. Your lips were drawn to his cheek and you littered kissed all over, using your other hand to trace his jawline. He closed his eyes so he could focus on your touch. It was sending him over an edge having you on him like this. You felt his breathing deepen as you started gently sucking on the nook of his neck. Your hand fell and started exploring his chest. He didn’t look it but he was concealing muscle under his baggy shirts and you were dying to feel them.

Just when your teeth grazed the red blood pooled spot you’d been working on, a soft moan escaped his lips. He was lost under your control.

Without warning he shifted you down on your back with ease. Taking care to support your head as you fell onto the pillow.

He crawled on top of you between your legs and supported his weight on his forearms.

This sudden bold streak was really turning you on.

He spared no time as he tugged your shirt collar down just a bit to expose that sensitive part of your neck again that he just loved so much.

His tongue teased it with a few gentle circles before his mouth came down instense and started sucking.

Normally this sort of thing would hurt but you were so entranced that it only felt like a rush of intense pleasure. You ran your fingers through his hair encouraging him to do exactly what you suspected he was doing. You squirmed gently under his heavy body as he targeted your neck. Your hands slipped under his shirt and you got to feel the smooth skin over his broad back muscles which contracted as he moved.

Suddenly you let out a little squeal as the pleasure turned to a little shooting pain. He snapped out of it and brought his face back to yours. Nose to nose.

You glanced down at his work to see a little red bruise the size of a coin. For some reason you loved the idea of Tamaki giving you a little mark.

“Sorry y/n, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

You bit your lip, his concerned face was so cute. It reminded you of that day so long ago when you first realized you wanted him.

“Put another one.” You said only half joking.

He laughed nervously. You took his face in both your hands. Today couldn’t have gone more perfectly.

“I didn’t reply before but...I want you too.” He mews with soft eyes.

Just when you think your body is completely melted, he finds one more spot he missed.

He placed a few more gentle honeyed kisses on your lips before anyone could say anything else.

But much to your dissatisfaction, you heard Mrs. Amajiki call for dinner. You were prepared to aggressively reject this interruption but Tamaki’s smile broke your resolve.

He tucked some hair behind your ear as he spoke again after what felt like hour had passed since the last time. “Can we do this again like...soon?”

He was aggressively adorable you could barely stand it. You merely nodded in response you couldn’t possibly form any coherent words right now.

You laid there, trying to unmelt yourself with little success. You could only gaze at your little Suneater with twinkling admiration in your eyes as he lifted you to stand up in his arms.

His new love bite was still exposed on your neck. He pulled your sweater up to cover it and kissed it through fabric as he muttered a few more quiet apologies. You immediately started thinking of ways you could try to permanently keep it on your skin.

You eventually walk down to dinner together holding hands, fingers interlocked. Yea...he was definitely your new addiction.

Thanks for reading 🥰

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doc-pickles · 3 years

Text

anywhere i want (just not home)

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

For the love of my life, the inspiration behind TS week, the wind in my sails… Happy later birthday @odd-birds-and-booksellers I hope you enjoy this

Always, Your Computer Wife,

Nina

We gather here, we line up

Weepin' in a sunlit room, and

If I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes too

Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe

All the hell you gave me?

The pain in her cheek is still stinging as she struggles to open her eyes. There’s the faintest hint of sunlight filtering through the large window of her bedroom, a new day just beginning only hours after she’d finally been left alone long enough to find some peace.

The bed next to her is cold and empty, Paul having left for work while she was still crying and groaning in pain. He hadn’t spared her a second glance as he’d gotten dressed for the day, stepping over the puddle of blood that had collected on the floor where she’d laid for hours as he kicked her mercilessly, hurling harsh blows and leering insults as she’d tried to protect herself.

She pulls herself up and drags her barely conscious body to the shower, rinsing off the dried blood and sweat as she tends to the wounds she can see. She already knows she has at least one bruised rib and a sprained ankle, but she can’t do much about it now. For now all she can do is rinse off, lay in bed and hope that tonight doesn’t bring more of the same.

Jo bolts upright in bed, hand pressed to her chest as she attempts to slow her breathing down. The dream echoes in the back of her head, the painful memories replaying themselves in vivid technicolor right before her eyes.

She knows why they’re haunting her again, knows that he’s looking for her right now and that he won’t stop until he’s found her. Paul has made that much clear with his texts and letters, little signs to make it clear that they’re not done yet.

A hand closes over hers and she almost jumps before she remembers where she is. Jo squeezes Alex’s hand back, letting him pull her back down and into his embrace. As soon as his arms circle around her she can feel her body begin to calm down.

“It’s not even 2 AM, try and get some sleep, you need it,” Alex’s voice in her ears convinces her to close her eyes, even if sleep is far off the feeling of him so close helps to relax her. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you

'Til my dying day

It’s later that same day when Jo receives another text, the ping stopping her during rounds and prompting her to make a flimsy excuse to Meredith as she rushes to the nearest bathroom.

Can’t wait to see you soon, both of you.

The text lingers in her mind as her breakfast reappears, tears flowing as she tries to drown out the overwhelming noise in her mind. Paul didn’t make empty threats, that’s one thing she knew for sure. The texts she was receiving were just the tip of the iceberg for whatever he had in store for her.

“Jo? You in here?”

She can barely respond to Alex in between crying and being sick, her body overwhelmed as she tries to keep herself calm. Jo can hear Alex saying something incomprehensible as she begins to hyperventilate, his voice growing further away as her breathing became more ragged.

The last thing Jo registers before everything goes black is Alex holding her against his chest, his fingers threading through her hair in an attempt to calm her as his heartbeat echoed unsteadily in her ears.

When she comes back around Jo’s not shocked to find herself laying in a hospital bed, an IV and monitoring wires hooked up to her pale skin. Before she has a chance to overthink anything though Alex is in front of her, his hands running down her cheeks and wiping away the tears she hadn’t realized had collected there.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve helped you,” Alex’s voice is soft as she meets his eyes, his gaze causing her to melt into another round of tears. “Oh Jo, it’s okay.”

“It’s not! He’s going to kill me, he already knows where I am and this time he’s going to make sure I don’t survive,” Jo chokes the words out, her fingers ghosting over her protruding stomach. “Alex, he's not going to leave me alone until both of us are dead. I can’t put our baby at risk like that.”

The thought almost makes her sick again, her daughter kicking against her hand as she draws in a deep breath. Of all the wild and unexpected things her and Alex had been through, their daughter was by far her favorite. Even with a few weeks left until she arrived Jo already felt a fierce instinct to protect the little girl growing in her womb.

“I’m not going to let him get anywhere near the two of you, I promise,” Alex brushes back a few strands of hair lingering on her forehead, pressing a kiss to the cool skin as he settles into the bed next to her. “You’re safe with me Jo, both of you are.”

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

Jo wants to believe Alex, she really does. Since her breakdown over Paul’s threats he had been by her side whenever he could. His presence was comforting but it did little to calm the raging mental battle she was fighting inside her head.

Now though, as she stares down at her daughter sleeping peacefully in her arms, she knows that she made the right decision. She just hopes Alex agrees with her.

“She's perfect, you did so good,” Alex had repeated the words over and over since Isla had made her appearance almost six hours ago, but they still prompt a smile on Jo’s face. “I love you two so much.”

“I love you, we both do,” Jo leans up and captures his lips with her own, lingering a little longer than she normally would as Alex’s fingers trace her cheek delicately. “Would you do me a big favor? I left my robe at home and it’s freezing in here. Could you go home real quick and grab it?”

Alex nods, a grin on his face as he stands from the chair at her bedside and gathers his keys and wallet. Jo watches him intently, memorizing every movement and expression that makes him exactly the man she fell in love with. He leans down to press one more kiss to her forehead then Isla’s before promising to be back soon.

As the door to her hospital room shuts, Jo looks down at her daughter, tears splashing onto the newborn's cheeks as her mother watches her, “Your daddy loves you very much, don’t you ever forget that.”

And you're the hero flying around, saving face

“Alex, are you coming to work today? It’s been a week,” Meredith’s voice rings out from the doorway of the loft, but Alex can’t bring himself to answer her. She’d been by everyday since he’d come home, her voice prodding at him the only sound in the loft.

He’d gone home to get Jo’s robe like she’d asked, finally finding it tucked away at the very back of the closet instead of hanging in the bathroom like it usually was. On his way back to her room, he’d stopped in the hospital gift shop and grabbed the fluffiest pink and white teddy bear sitting in the window. He had told the cashier that his daughter had just been born and showed off the photo of Jo and Isla that was already his phone lock screen.

And then he’d gone upstairs, the missing robe and teddy bear tumbling from his hands as he found an empty bed and bassinet, Jo and Isla’s bags gone from the room that they’d occupied not even an hour before when he’d left. He’d asked every nurse and doctor on shift but no one had an answer for him. When he finally made it back to the room, he saw the note hastily scribbled across a spare piece of paper, his knees giving way as he read the words printed in Jo’s recognizable script.

I couldn’t let him find us, I’m so sorry. Please don’t worry, we’re safe.

Love you always.

J & I

He’d sat on the floor of the hospital room until Meredith had come to collect him at the bidding of the nurses on the floor. She’d given him a sympathetic look and held him as he cried, only letting his guard down for his closest friend.

The reality hadn’t truly sunk in until he came home later that night to an empty loft filled with baby gear and the scent of Jo lingering on every surface. He’d screamed then, throwing pillows and couch cushions and anything he could find in an attempt to get some of his emotions out in the open.

It hadn’t helped though, the sadness he’d felt morphing into feelings of anger and helplessness. Alex knew that Jo was acting out of desperation, doing what she truly thought was right, and he couldn’t be mad at her for that. No, his anger was directed at the man that had pushed her to that point, had scared her and haunted her every move so horribly that she’d fled Seattle with their newborn daughter in tow.

As he ignores Meredith for yet another day, Alex let his mind wander to Jo and Isla for a moment. He knows Jo would never run with their daughter if she didn’t have a plan to keep her safe, but just the knowledge that they were out there without him broke his heart.

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

His fingers press down the collar of the light blue button up once more before sliding the black suit jacket over it. He examines himself in the mirror of the hotel room one last time before turning to leave. He’d only been to Seattle once before for a medical conference, but this trip held a much more important air to it.

Brooke, his Brooke, was close. Closer than she’d ever been before and he couldn’t wait to see her again. He was delighted when he’d found her again, even more so when he found out that she was a doctor giving him the perfect opportunity to drop in on her. He couldn’t wait to see the look on her face when he saw her.

We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean

Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring

When Alex finally makes it back to work he’s met with an abundance of pitying looks and unhelpful comments. He knows most of his coworkers have good intentions but he’s in the verge of screaming at the next person who interacts with him. All he wants to do is work and try and forget that his daughter and the love of his life aren’t waiting for him at home like they should be.

“Alex! I have someone I want you to meet,” Arizona’s bubbly voice almost makes Alex roll his eyes, the blonde not doing much to improve his demeanor since he was in no mood to meet anyone new. “This is Doctor Paul Stadler, he’s an expert on laparoscopic surgery techniques which is always helpful when we have tiny humans to save.”

Alex can feel his blood run cold as he turns towards Arizona and the man standing next to her. Whatever picture he had painted in his head fades as he stares at the man in front of him. Despite his bright grin Alex knows exactly what Paul is capable of, what he had done and threatened to do to Jo.

“While I’d love to meet your whole team Doctor Robbins, I’m not here on business today. I’m looking for Doctor Wilson actually.”

“Oh,” Arizona’s face falls, gaze turning to Alex as his jaw tightens. “Actually she’s-“

“She’s gone, she left,” Alex’s voice has an edge that makes even him flinch at how harsh and cold it is.

Paul eyes Alex for a moment, looking him over before speaking again, “That’s unfortunate. Would you happen to know where she is? I’d love to speak with her.”

“Well get in line then because I've been waiting for her to come home for the past three weeks,” Alex slams the iPad in his hands onto the counter of the nurses station, eyes ablaze as he stares Paul down. “You harassed her for months on end and scared her so much that she ran away with our daughter hours after giving birth.”

Paul attempts to conceal the smirk on his face but fails, causing Alex to step towards him with clenched fists. Arizona steps between the two men, fixing Alex with a hard stare.

“Back up Alex. I know that you’re upset about Jo but-“

“But nothing! He’s the reason my girlfriend and daughter are gone!”

“Okay why don’t you take the rest of the day off,” Arizona’s hands squeezing his shoulders finally breaks Alex’s gaze away from Paul whose face has broken into a full on shit eating grin. Arizona and Alex exchange a look and he can tell she’s holding back her anger now as well. “Alex, go home.”

How can I when they’re not there?

The question echoes in his mind the whole drive back to the loft, Alex’s heart constricting as he sat on the edge of his and Jo’s bed. The loft was still empty, sounds still echoing off the walls as he sat alone. His mind brings up the image of Jo and Isla sitting in their hospital room as he walked away, not knowing that was the last time he’d see them.

He leans forward, reaching into his dresser and rummages around his sock drawer for a minute before pulling out a velvet box. When Jo had told him she was pregnant he’d immediately gone out and bought the ring. Not because of Isla, but because starting a family with Jo was all the confirmation he needed that she was it for him. Now the box sat collecting dust in his drawer, it’s future uncertain as he wondered exactly where Jo was.

You know I didn't want to have to haunt you

But what a ghostly scene

“And this is your daddy and your Auntie Meredith. They love you so much,” despite knowing that the infant couldn’t understand what she said or even clearly see the photo she had pulled up on her phone, Jo made sure that Isla knew about all of the people they loved in Seattle. “Your daddy misses you so much, baby girl. I’m sorry I took you away from him, I know that makes me a crappy mom.”

“You’re not a crappy mom,” Jo looks from Isla to the man sitting next to her, his hand settling on her shoulder as he fixes her with a knowing look. “You did what you had to do.”

“Some days it doesn’t feel like that,” Jo sighs, her head falling to his shoulder as she fights back tears. “I took her from her dad! I took her away from the only family she’ll ever have, Link. And why? Because I’m scared?”

Link pulls back from Jo, meeting her eyes as he speaks, “You had every reason to run, you know that. I’ve seen what he’s capable of, I wouldn’t want to worry about that all the time if I were you. Especially with a newborn, I get it. So don’t feel too bad for yourself, I think you made the right choice.”

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave

“Jo?”

The lights in the loft are off but Jo’s car is parked out front. When he switches the lights on Alex sees Jo shoving clothes into a tote bag, tear stains tracking down her cheeks.

“Jo what are you doing?”

"I'm going to Stephanie’s for a few nights, just until I can figure things out.”

Jo’s voice is nervous and she's talking a mile a minute. She still hasn't looked up at Alex but he can see the bright red hives cropping up on her neck already.

"I'm sorry it was an accident but I’m going to

fix it. It's my fault, I'll fix it!”

"What are you talking about,” despite the fact that he's spoken up more than once Jo seems to be in a world of her own.

“Don't worry about it, you don't need more stress,” Jo’s hands are shaking as she closes the bag she's holding. "It's still early, it'll be an easy fix. I'm going to fix it, I have an appointment scheduled."

It clicks for Alex then just exactly what Jo is talking about. He sinks to his knees next to her tilting her chin up so she’ll finally look at him.

“Are you pregnant?”

"I'm sorry, I missed my birth control it was an accident," Jo’s tone is frantic now as more tears begin to fall. "I have an appointment, I'm going to fix it-“

"Jo slow down, I'm not mad so stop apologizing,” Alex wiped at the tears that had collected on Jo’s cheeks. "You don't want our baby?”

Jo blinked up at Alex as if nothing he was saying was making sense to her.

“What's actually the matter Jo? Why were you so scared to tell me?"

“I… I'm married."

“What?"

“I'm married to a guy who nearly beat me to death. And when I got pregnant I thought he'd

be happy and maybe he'd let up, instead he yelled and screamed and then he,” Jo pauses, eyes downcast as she looks down at her hands. “When he was done with me for the night I wasn't pregnant anymore.

“He wouldn't let me get birth control though so the next time I just solved the problem quietly. And when it happened a third time I ran. I ran and changed my name and never turned back,” Jo finally looks up and meets Alex’s gaze, eyes watery still as he watches her. “I had a miscarraige that time, probably because of how banged up I was. But it got me out of there. So when I started having the same symptoms again I freaked out.”

“Oh Jo…”

“Alex, I’m terrified of my past and of losing you and losing this baby… I’ve already lost far too much. I don’t want to lose any more.”

“You’re not going to lose me. I’m all in with you even if it means we never get married. You and this baby mean everything to me. That is if you want it.”

“Of course I do, I want this more than anything. I want kids with you, I really do but…”

“Okay then we’ll do it.”

“Really? You dont think I’m too damaged or crazy?”

“Yes Jo, I want all of that,” Alex pulled Jo into his lap, placing a hand over her stomach as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I love you and you’re just about the bravest person I’ve ever met.”

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

The room is spinning when she pries her eyes open, dried blood making the task difficult. She tries to sit up, but the pain radiating from her stomach keeps her down. She knows if she moves she’ll make it worse, but her body is in pain and she can’t lay in this position much longer.

As soon as she makes a move, the pain is back. She thinks it’s his foot that’s making contact with her ribs now, digging into her back as her body curls in on itself.

“Stop! Please!”

The cries are useless, they always are, but she hopes that maybe they’ll convince him to end her suffering sooner or throw the next punch a little softer.

“Please stop! Stop!”

Her shoulders are shaking as she blinks her eyes open again, a pair of blue eyes staring down at her in concern.

“It was just a nightmare, you’re okay and you’re safe,” Link’s words help to steady her heartbeat a little, her eyes moving to Isla who's peacefully sleeping in his arms. “I woke you up because I just turned the news on. Take a look.”

“Former Harvard University professor Paul Stadler was arrested early yesterday morning on charges of battery and assault against his girlfriend, who is still being treated for her injuries at Massachusetts General Hospital. Since his arrest, three more women have come forward with allegations against Stadler ranging from ongoing harassment to physical violence and sexual assault. Boston PD is asking any other victims to contact them at this time.”

Jo stares blankly at the television in front of her, eyes welling with tears as the news footage continues to roll. She wasn’t alone and she was so close to being free from Paul’s hold on her.

“You have to go to Boston, your testimony could put him away,” Link’s voice snaps her out of her reverie, eyes moving from the television to him. “Jo, he’s going to prison. You can finally be free.”

The hope that had ignited her heart just moments earlier was crushed as she played through the possibilities before her. What if she testified and Paul wasn’t put in prison? What if he continued to harass her? What if he hurt Isla? Or Alex?

“I can’t. I can’t face him again… There's too much on the line,” Jo looks away from Link, her tears finally falling. “I have too much to lose.”

“And you’ll be stuck right here if you don’t do anything!”

“At least I’ll be safe then.”

“And what about Alex? You’re okay never seeing him again? Never letting Isla see him?”

Jo stands suddenly, facing Link with an angry expression, “You don’t get to make the calls here Link! I appreciate everything you’ve done for us but I can’t risk everything when there’s not a guarantee that it’ll end up well.”

Jo storms out of the room then, complex emotions overwhelming her as she sinks into her bed. She wishes things were easier, were more black and white instead of the fuzzy grey she’d become so accustomed to. But they aren’t, they never would be with Paul and now she’d dragged Alex and Isla and even Link into the pools of grey she’d spent so long trying to avoid.

And I can go anywhere I want

Anywhere I want, just not home

Alex watched his phone ring for a moment, debating on picking up at all. He doesn’t recognize the number and he doesn’t know anyone from California. But he still clicks the green accept button, hoping whoever it was wasn’t going to waste his time.

“Hello?”

“Hi, I’m so glad you picked up.”

Alex freezes, stares at his phone for a moment, then brings it back up to his ear, “Jo? Is that you?”

“Yeah, it’s me,” there’s a long pause and Alex almost thinks she’s hung up before she begins to cry. “I’m so sorry Alex. I’m so sorry we left you. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“I know, I get why you left. I hate it but I understand,” a sigh leaves him as he rests his head against the wall next to him, tears forming in his eyes as well, “Are you okay?”

“Yes we’re both fine, I wouldn’t have left if I didn’t have somewhere safe to run to,” Jo sucks in a breath, as if her next words are taking everything out of her. “Paul is going to prison.”

“I know, I saw. Are you going to testify?”

“I don’t know. I want to but… There's too much at risk. I don’t want him to hurt you or Isla.”

Just the sound of his daughter's name tugs at Alex’s heart, the tears that had been welling in his eyes spilling onto his cheeks.

“If you don’t go you’re going to be living in fear for the rest of your life. But if you do, you can get closure. And you can save more people from getting hurt by Paul.”

She lets his words sink in for a moment before he hears her voice again, “I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too, you and Isla both,” Alex can hear shuffling in the background, a deep voice and then a small cry.

“I have to go, Alex.”

“Wait Jo-”

“I love you. We both do.”

“I love you too.”

The line goes dead then and Alex can’t help the sob that breaks from his chest. He misses Jo, misses Isla, misses the feeling of wholeness that came to him when he would climb into bed with Jo at the end of every day.

And you can aim for my heart, go for blood

But you would still miss me in your bones

Alex doesn't know what drives him to fly to Boston, but he feels a small sense of relief when he sees Paul Stadler in the defendant's seat. A sick feeling makes itself at home in the pit of his stomach as he watches half a dozen women testify to the horrors that Paul had put them through, detailing the ways he had tormented them. Jo had never gone into detail to him but if what she went through was even half as bad as what he was hearing then he understood why she had gone to such extremes to hide from Paul.

He watches as the final woman testifies and finds her seat again, the courtroom silent except for the prosecuting attorneys whispering among themselves. Finally, one of the lawyers stands and addresses the courtroom, “Your honor, we’d like to call our final witness. The prosecution calls Brooke Elizabeth Stadler, now Josephine Alice Wilson, to the stand.”

Alex feels the air leave his lungs as he watches Jo approach the bench. Her hair is shorter and a dirty blonde color but she’s still the same woman he knows so well. The dark blue dress she’s wearing sways lightly as she takes the stand, stating her name and swearing in before she begins to give her testimony. Jo explains how she and Paul met, how they married, and then she goes into the abuse she endured. Alex listens to the detailed accounts she gives, accompanied by the numerous hospital reports.

“And then one day I got sick of it and I ran. I knew Paul would find me though so I fled the state and changed my name. I started a new life and I have a beautiful daughter,” Jo finally meets Alex’s gaze and he gets the overwhelming urge to wrap her up in his arms and hold her close. “But Paul found me again and he was threatening me so as soon as my daughter was born I ran again. I left behind my new life, the only place I’ve ever felt safe because I knew he would find me again and I couldn’t risk him hurting my daughter.”

The air in the courtroom is thick as Jo’s words sink in. Alex knows he’s not the only one who’s been affected by her testimony and the words of everyone that went before her. The prosecutor thanks Jo, the defending attorney waiving their right to question her. As she steps down from the stand she meets Alex’s gaze for a moment before turning away and going back to her seat.

And I still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky)

And when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies)

“Jurors, have you come to a decision?”

“We have your honor,” there’s a tense silence in the courtroom as the decision is handed off to the judge. “We find the defendant Paul Stadler guilty on all charges.” A breath of relief leaves Alex as he turns to look at Jo. There’s tears streaming down her face and the slightest hint of a smile as she looks at him. Before he can get up and go to her though she's surrounded by the other women who had testified, all of them crying in relief.

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves

She sees him about fifty feet in front of her, his back to her as he stands almost perfectly still. She watches him for a moment, his slumped shoulders and overall defeated attitude and for a moment she feels guilty for what she’s put him through in the past three months. Before she can dwell on the feeling for too long Alex is turning towards her, looking over her with that same sad expression he’d been wearing in the courtroom.

There’s a moment where all Jo and Alex do is stare at each other before she finds herself rushing forward and launching herself into his embrace. His arms are holding her tightly, refusing to let go even as she begins to cry into his chest.

This moment, the feeling of being in Alex’s arms again, is all Jo has wanted since she’d left Seattle.

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

“Alex, I’m so-”

“Stop, you don't need to apologize to me,” Alex pulls back from Jo, one hand coming to cup her cheek. “I get it, I understand where you’re coming from. I know why you ran so don’t ever think of apologizing to me. I’m just glad that you’re safe.”

A fresh round of tears springs to Jo’s eyes as she looks up at Alex, “I don’t deserve you. I’ve put you through so much.” Alex blinks down at Jo, not believing what he’s hearing. Their relationship had never been one sided, they’d both supported each through tough situations and had come out stronger at the end. In his eyes this was nothing more than another speed bump.

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want you back Jo. I love you and all of this? None of it changes how I feel about you,” Alex leans down and presses a gentle kiss to Jo’s lips. “I love you and I’m glad you’re back in my arms.”

And you're cursing my name, wishing I stayed

“Hey! I just heard the verdict!”

Jo turns at the sound of Link’s voice, a wide smile spreading across her face as her best friend comes into view. It’s not so much the blonde man’s presence that makes her grin as it is the infant in his arms. Isla is wide eyed as she looks at Jo, the three month old blinking up at her mother with a sense of wonder.

“Hi baby girl, I have someone who’s very excited to see you,” Jo eagerly takes her daughter from Link before turning and looking at Alex. “Isla say hi to daddy, he missed you sooo much.”

The look on Alex’s face as he takes Isla from Jo’s arms is priceless, tears welling in his eyes as he lets out a watery laugh. The little girl snuggles comfortably into his arms, as if she had done it a hundred times before and Jo can’t help her own tears as they leak onto her cheeks.

“You three get together, I think this moment needs to be remembered.” Alex and Jo both heed Link’s instruction and wipe their tears away to boast wide grins. The photo of the three of them squeezed together after a grueling ordeal graces their family mantle for years to come. Even when there are dozens of other family photos, pictures from Alex and Jo’s wedding, and the birth of their second daughter, the photo of Jo, Alex, and Isla standing in front of the courthouse in Boston remains the centerpiece of their living room as a reminder of the sacrifices they all made to keep their family together.

Look at how my tears ricochet

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