Haven't been SUPER into KnᎥght RᎥder for a hot minute but just started thinking about it again bigtime (prompted by me trying to remember something small) and OUGHH!!!! I immediately fell back into it HARD. Not into rewatch territory but WOWIE I love my husband and his best friend who is also my best friend. They're literally soooo ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Vance Hopper (mostly) Autism HC's

I do want to preface, I have a lot of comorbid disorders/mental health issues/etc. so this is solely based on my experience with autism.

nonverbal, talking is just sound to him, 90% of his communication when he isn't masked is touch or sounds.

Griffin is his favorite person, Bruce is his safe person, Finney is his care person (he goes to Finney when he's really non verbal and needs to communicate something quickly, Finney being the mom of the group is really good at helping him get his point across). robin and Billy are the ones he fucks around with (rough houses, starts shit with, stuff like that)

zero, absolutely zero personal space, he needs constant touch and pressure to stay sane. he likes to hold onto one person and be held by another, while being squeezed between two things (people, coach arms, pillows, etc.)

^^^he's only like this with people he trusts otherwise he is completely touch adverse. it causes full on meltdowns to be touched, and he's not the best at hiding it.

he gets really angry when he has meltdowns, but it quickly turns to tears and grabby hands. once he burns through the anger it turns into a full break down.

he definitely regresses when upset, not to the point of like age regression per say, but he kinda shutdowns and is very codependent.

he stims a lot, it's mostly skin picking, rocking, squeezing things, grinding his teeth and punching things. he listens to really loud music to decompress (I can't help but think he would have lived Motley Crue had he been around to hear it. he would love that one part of Kickstsrt My Heart with the weird voice affect). sweet is a comfort band.

Finney is the best at redirecting his more harmful stims, normally offering to hold his hand or giving him something to pick at.

he has an oral fixation, and chews on his hair and sleeves. he used to chew his nails but sorta grew out of it. he will chew them down to the bone if he's anxious though

all the boys carry gum on them just in case. he really likes cinnamon gum.

he loves cinnamon in general, he loves the smell, the taste, spicy and sweet.

he only wears second hand denim, breaking it in is literally one of the worst things on earth, he would rather die.

he really likes when people play with his hair, especially when robin (I hc he has a big family so he knows how to braid) braids his hair and runs his fingers through it and scratches at his scalp during the process

he has really bad cute aggression, like Griffin is constantly being tackled, squeezed, pinched, punched (playfully, even if he accidentally punches him kinda hard), etc. Vance absolutely loves him and shows it in his own way. Griffin is very aware of this, and is fine with the rough love

when he hyperfixates, it's long and steady, normally he'll have the same one for years at a time. currently it's Sweet and pinball.

he's dyslexic, but he really enjoys learning when it's done in a way that works for his brain. he had an English Lit tutor one year that made him love reading for the first time in years, you could not get him to put his books (he reads wide print copies) down. it's hard to get wide print books so he reads the same few books over and over again.

^^^ Gwen huts me as someone who's really good at typing and I could definitely see her rewriting books for Vance for his birthday or Christmas.

^^^ Gwen and Vance are besties, fight with the wall.

Vance is a huge animal person, they really help with keeping him calm and managing his anger. he's been known to rehabilitate anything from little mice to baby birds to helping out on local farms to nurse orphaned calf's. he had a shit ton of 'pets' or animals he raised as baby's and tried to release but they never really left. he also has a dog, a rescue mutt, he's a big dog and Vance will bury himself in his fur when really upset. he definitely takes care of the towns stray cats as well. his first job is at an animal shelter, and it was one of his few safe spaces.

he has really bad contamination OCD

he's not the best with social ques so a lot of his rude demeanor is him just not knowing the 'correct' or 'polite' way to go about something.

he uses he/him pronouns for the most part, but isn't against any of the other ones (he has an interesting relationship with she/her pronouns and he can't tell if he loves it or hates it)

he's queer, his feelings are too complex and at the end of the day he doesn't care enough to try and label himself.

^^^ he generally has a disconnect between himself and his queer identity (something I relate to, I don't know how I feel about autistic specific identities, and I don't feel like debating about it, but my autism definitely has an effect in my queer identity in a way I can't fully verbalize and I think he feels the same way)

I could do so many more of these.

the oc ask meme,,, urchin, mantis,,

13 & 19 for both,,,, please,,

13. How do they deal with pain (physical or emotional)? Oh Mantis can take one hell of a beating, physically. She may stand at a breathtakingly steep... 152cm tall (on her toes), but true to her real life animal counterpart (the mantis shrimp!), she packs one hell of a punch. Doesn't bruise easily. The real hard hits will still get through to her though. Tries to act all tough but you can clearly see through the act. "Yeah, I'm fine!! ow fuck shit ouch Never felt better!! >:D" Emotional pain... similar response. Seems fairly resilient, but she's not very good at hiding it when something's wrong. Either she'll deny it, or downplay its effects, only admitting with a strong enough confrontation, or an emotional pain too great to bear. Takes a lot to break her. Urchin on the other hand... ho boy. So physical pain. Fun fact, Urchin is ✨ chronically ill! ✨ Just imagine like, hundreds of thousands of little spines all over your body that you can retract at will. Now imagine you don't have much direct control over them, and instead seem to be a more reactionary response of the automatic nervous system-- at least to the best of your knowledge. Now imagine all those little spines are ever so slightly misaligned with where they're supposed to come out! Congratulations, u experience chronic debilitating pain!! So yeah, given the magnitude and agonizing breadth to which their illness pans out, Urchin has some incredible fuckin' pain tolerance. Winces, deals with it in the ways they've learned how to over the years, though it ultimately results in them not getting around much. Mostly solitude, sedentary. Not out of choice, of course. They're afraid of getting too close to anyone else, physically or emotionally, and accidentally harming them with their own stupid sickly spines. Additional pain-- that is, from outside the body-- tends to throw them off kilter, upset the ANS, and resultingly make the internal pain worse. Fun! As for emotional pain... ouhhf... let's just say Urchin has a lot of baggage, and lots of alone time to ruminate on it all :3c 19. How do they connect with the people around them? Love language, how they offer comfort, etc.

Mantis (similarly to Cuttle) loves meeting new folks, but is probably not quiiite as charismatic. Her love language is typically intense/loud, but it can take more subtle forms as well. For example, Shrimps loves challenging those she loves, both in friendly competition and in their own assumptions, in the interest of spurring some sort of growth or new perspective. She will (lightly (for a mantis shrimp)) punch ur shoulder and u will like it. Contrast that with the little things... like, okay, let's not mince words here: Mantis can be absolutely oblivious. Many things tend to sail clean over her head. No thoughts, head empty. However! She will notice little things about you. Your shuffles and posture adjustments. The way you fidget with certain objects. The one or two particular photos or memorabilia tacked to your bedroom wall. Small things that often draw your attention or otherwise indicate where your mind might be at. And often she'll make lil gestures that demonstrate such fine observations. Like "Hey Urchin, I notice you kinda nervously tap your keyboard when you're at your desk, so here's a matching keycap that i affixed to a lil box, so you have something to keep in your pocket when you're elsewhere!" I wonder how she got so selectively observan- autism its definitely the autism On the other hand, Urchin... has an extremely difficult time figuring out just how to connect with those around them. Can I hide in my room? No, we're out of the apartment. Can I run off to some other room where I can close a door, or get some space to myself? No, s-so I really have to stand here around these other people? ...shit. Um. How do interact. Is my presence bothering them. What if I say something rude or insensitive. What if they bring up something upsetting or triggering. How do I get out of here. Fuck. It's no secret that Urchin does not hold themselves in very high regard, so how is it that someone else could love them? They must be manipulating someone in order for them to express such feelings... right? Throughout their life, their presence has ranged from passive lack-of-existence to "burden". They do not know how to properly express love. They do not know how to give comfort. They don't know how to interact with anyone without believing they are causing harm in some way. So how the hell do they communicate with another person when they're slapped in the same room together? Simple: avoidance, social awkwardness, and constant self-doubt. Hope this helps!! :3c

got any general headcanons for each tf2 merc? :D

miscellaneous tf2 mercs headcanons

SCOUT

- transgender asf

- uses terrible pick up lines and invites his dates to fast food restaurants and yet he's wondering why he can't pull any girls

- looks approachable but in reality you really don't wanna deal with this guy, he's a menace. doesnt matter if you're his friend or not, he'll backstab you for money (literally, of course)

- has an energy drink addiction. gets really snappy when he doesnt get his 5 cans of bonk atomic punch a day

- HATES silence, it stresses him out so he likes to put on some music whenever he can. it helps him focus and overall scout just prefers to have some sort of background noise while doing literally anything. the only problem is that he likes his music loud. like, the whole house is shaking kind of loud. the other mercenaries hate him for this, because when they tell him to quiet it down, he instead turns the volume all the way up like the little shit he is❤️ the only way to make scout turn it off is to fight him. it isnt that difficult to beat him up, but it's still annoying to go through all of this yknow

SOLDIER

- developed a hearing difficulty during his time in the war. if you're wondering if his bad hearing is the reason why he yells all the time, then no. he was always yelling like that

- keeps bringing random stray animals to the base. the others told him many times that NO, he can't just bring in wild animals whenever he wants to! medic literally fainted the last time soldier wanted to sneak a possum into the base. not gonna lie tho, it's pretty wholesome watching soldier "train" some random field rodents. they bite him and hiss at him, but soldier sees that as a sign of their resilience and love for fighting so all he does is watch them with a big smile on his face. he even praises them with stuff like "GOOD JOB RECRUITS! I AM SO PROUD!"

- has a very strict sleeping routine and always manages to get a perfect 8 hours of sleep. he doesn't even use an alarm, he just knows when to fall asleep and when to wake up and does so on command. also soldier looks very funny in his sleepwear. he wears a night gown and a big nightcap that covers his eyes

- evil autism

PYRO

- idk what mental illnesses pyro has to but oh boy there's definetely something very wrong with them

- their room is very.....interesting. on one side there's cute plushies and glow in the dark stickers. on the other side there's scorched furniture and -- oh my god are those human bones?!

- theyre like those slashers that take pictures of their victims. pyro hangs these gruesome photos of people dying on the walls of their room, but to them it's just cute selfies with their bffs 😼😼

- they sometimes bring their teammates body parts or organs of the enemies as a gift. kinda like how cats bring their owners dead animals. this is literally pyro's love language

- i have one joke headcanon about pyro and it's that they're not a human. pyro is actually just 20 frogs in a hazmat suit carrying a flamethrower

HEAVY

- literally the most reliable person on the team. he's super nice and friendly and polite and kind and very very caring......ok can you guys tell im biased towards him

- the opposite of scout. heavy looks very intimidating so it's hard to approach him at first but if you start talking to him you soon realize hes very nice to talk to :) awesome dude to just chill and eat sandwiches with

- bookworm!! his room is filled with a bunch of different books, most of them being in russian but he has some foreign ones too. i think heavy is very smart but it's just that his broken english makes him appear kinda dumb. he struggles with processing english sentences and pronunciation. that's why he speaks so simple and slow

- if you ask heavy if he is medic's wife he says yes, if you ask medic if heavy is his wife he says no. its up to you to decide who's lying

DEMOMAN

- talks in his sleep. like a LOT. dude will literally recite to u the periodic table during his 20 minute nap

- even more patriotic than soldier,which is saying a lot. has a bunch of pictures of scotland around his room and probably even wears underwear with the flag of scotland. he's literally like the embodiment of the guy yelling SCOTLAND FOREVER!!!!!

- demo feels insecure about his drinking habit. like usually he doesnt think too much about it, but sometimes he really feels ashamed of himself for being an alcoholic. his mood gets very sour on these days, so to feel better he reaches for another bottle of scrumpy to forget about his worries.....and the cycle continues

- often looses parts of his body due to working with bombs and other explosive stuff. honestly i have no idea what these guys would even do without medic

ENGINEER

- whenever it's his turn to cook for the base he's like "alright boys get ready to get blown away" and then it's just another barbecue. not gonna lie though, his food is delicious. the mercs gave him an apron saying king of the grill

- loves fishing!! and yea he unironically wears those women love me fish fear me shirts whenever he goes fishing. he genuinely thinks it's stylish

- invents random shit for fun. he spends most of his time alone in his workshop so who knows what weird things he's making. most of the time his personal little inventions are practical stuff, maybe something like an automatic beer opener or a toaster that never burns the bread. but he's definetely making something more, something bigger. idk what it is but maybe i dont even want to know

- has a really strange sense of humor. you can tell him the funniest joke ever with the most genius punchline known to mankind and hes gonna look at you with a blank expression, uttering a confused "...wha", but show him a picture of a chicken in shoes and hes gonna burst out laughing. oh engineer you would have loved 21st century humor

MEDIC

- has like 12 mental illnesses. yes he's aware of all of those. and YES he chooses to ignore his symptoms and doesn't take any medication

- he did loose his medical license, but that's because he kept experimenting on his patients. he still does that, except now he's actually allowed to do it (well, not really). but other than that he's still quiet skilled in his field and his abilities are nothing but impressive

- a total drama queen. also he's pretty germaphobic for a guy that digs his hands in someone's guts for a living

- loves his birds so much. he forgot their names, so now he calls them all archimedes. he loves taking care of them and doesnt trust any of the mercs with his birds. but heavy is an exception, heavy can feed them :)

SPY

- gets even LESS bitches than scout does. LITERAL ZERO!! he miraculously pulled scout's ma but ever since then the man had a catastrophically low amount of bitches. maybe it's because of the balaclava he never washes

- horrible, horrible man. he can be responsible and polite but only if it's beneficial for him, other than that he's pretty rude to everyone he meets. he's respectful towards women tho, but that's basic standards

- spy is the inventor of your mom jokes. it's true, he told me himself

- don't tell anyone but spy loves romantic comedies. however he thinks liking romcoms is like the most embarrassing thing ever and really doesn't want anyone to think he's sappy like that, but in reality most of his teammates know he's a hopeless romantic and they really don't care

- is the best cook on the team, but very rarely makes food for the others. he always complains about how everyone else's food is bad and how only his food is digestable, but he never cooks himself. the only way to get him into the kitchen is to do something nice for him in return. smh

SNIPER

- neurodivergent asf

- ok so you know how some introverts dont like to approach others so they just stare at the person they want to talk to until theyre noticed? well yea sniper does that. like sure he could just go and talk to someone directly but why do that when he can just. stare ominously

- bird enjoyer!! brings medic's doves little treats when the doctor isnt looking

- has a VERY quetionable diet. he's like those dudes on youtube that eat moss and bugs and talk about how nutritial it is. sniper is used to staying long periods of time outside, so he's used to any and all challenges the wildlife can offer. he may look scrawny, but he totally wrestled an alligator at some point in his life (and won)

- he's the team's exterminator. if there's a spider in the base sniper puts it in a jar and releases it outside <3

my thoughts on the knuckles series! spoilers below

ok so it was really well done, cinematography wise. the cgi was gorgeous and knux was portrayed amazingly. the plot.... was severely lacking. the main plot of "wade needs to win bowling against his asshole dad" should've been the subplot instead of "knuckles is getting kidnapped by GUN agents to sell to exGUN criminal who worked under robotnik", which should have been the main plot. also maddie and tom tracking down knux for escaping being grounded is never brought up. the lore tidbits from the GUN agents and the cute knux moments were honestly not worth signing into my dads Prime Video account to watch Wade trying to joust on a childs bicycle with a katana. the MURICA propaganda was strong, depicting the Asshole Dad covered in british flags, and wade's family is jewish (which i have no problem with, i love diversity and the chance to show off others' cultures) but in light of the palestinian war (and how america is basically funding israel) it feels like a political statement. i was not here for politics, i was here for funny red guy eats grapes. also nearly all the characters smelled of autism (which is nice, i love the inclusion) but i wonder if the writers/directors were projecting a bit. overall, this show was a bit of a disappointment, and focused more on wade than the title character.

anygays heres my unfiltered thoughts below

-

confirmed, knuckles only eats grapes and cool ranch doritos, he has the tism rizz

radio death counter: 2

this is just 2 delusional idiots going on a quest

everyone is autistic i love this

DICK JOKE

oh the racism. not cool in light of palistan. and paramount supporting israel. ew. why do wade's friends all have to be part jewish? why the mom's side?

theyre all so autistic i love it

that was a very unrealistic fork stabbing

wade needs a hug gawdamn

NINJA TURTLES BEDSPREAD LESGOO

wall death counter: 2

rip sink

o w the roadrash

HE GOT GAY BLASTED

lmao fursuit wade

p u p p e t

iblis? black arms? WHO ARE YOU DEMON?

gingers

dont duel, idiot, run away

YUHHH JOUSTING MENTIONED WTF IS THIS SHOW

why did the mailman just happen to have a gun flare that says go

DONT DRAG THE KATANA ON THE ASPHALT YOU IMBECILE

ow the roadburn

unironically hate this show wtf

lmao he has a bob

HE RAN PAST THE MOTORCYCLE??? HUHH??

WE GOT THE HAT BABYYYY

ew a child

i can overlook the plotholes. i can overlook the racism. i can overlook the idiocy. bUT I CANNOT OVERLOOK BRITISH MAN. DISGUSTING (i ‘hate’ brits for the bit, no hard feelings)

everyone is autistic i can smell it

HUGE LORE DROP, ROBOTNIK MADE GUN? not even grampa gerald, its def eggman. the implications for sonic 3 and the creation of shadow...

the squares were… an interesting editing choice

SUPPORTIVE WANDA LESGO CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

really hope that knux is just causing chaos and eating grapes offscreen. he deserves some grapes.

LISTEN TO YOUR MOM WADE, NEVER TRUST A BRIT

yup, betrayal scene. never trust a brit

NOOO DONT BETRAY KNUX HE ALREADY HAS TRUST ISSUESSSS

they sacrificed dragon fruit man :0

where did they go

how did they commission custom bowling polos so quickly

omg FINALLY THE FIGHT SCENE

youre a loser baby

HOLY SHIT THE CHAOS ENERGY JUST GOT SLURPED RIGHT OUT OF HIM LIKE SPAGHETTI THROUGH A STRAW

YASS STEAL YOUR ENERGY BACK BABES

KICK HIS ROBOT ASS

bro didnt get his balls crushed, he got crushed by a ball

YUHHH PUNCH THE BRIT

final thoughts: 4/10, needed more knuckles, the repeating songs were eh, only eps 1, 5, and 6 were worth it, and i genuinely hate the majority of the main plot. the subplot of knux getting kidnapped and the whole gun thing was cool, but it should've been the main plot. fuck the brits

ALSO WTF WAS UP WITH PACHACAMAC. either he's a figment of knuckles' imagination that got imprinted into wade's head, or he's FUCKING REAL AND THATS TERRIFYING IN REGARDS TO THE LORE. WTF.

and the rock opera scene was ass. like ik it was supposed to be bad for comedic value but it was just bad bad.

Do you have any autistic Scout headcanons? :P

Hell yeah!

I’ve actually thought about this a lot. A lot of people might think that Scout has ADHD, but I think he either has both ADHD and autism or just autism.

This is both because labeling Scout as having just ADHD is kind of a low-hanging fruit, and I also want to explore his symptoms a little more. So, in a word, I do, and thank you for asking about them!

*****************

Scout’s Spectrum:

So, where exactly does Scout fall on the autism spectrum?

First of all, he probably has both ADHD and autism, but wasn’t diagnosed with the latter until much later. This means that some of his symptoms were taken into account, but not all.

The ones that were paid attention to ramped up out of control, and the ones he didn’t hear about were stuffed away.

His ADHD symptoms include impulsiveness, need for stimulation, hyperfixations, forgetfulness, and insomnia; his autism symptoms include trouble with social skills, stimming, near inability to remember names and faces, lack of eye contact, hyperfixations again, and sensory processing issues, especially with noise and touch.

He used to have a lot of meltdowns when he was younger, usually about wearing new clothes and the amount of noise his eight brothers generated.

However, he was teased and pushed into masking nearly all the time, and made his whole personality about his ADHD, since that was what everyone accepted.

As he got older, he usually wrote off any autistic tendencies as either his ADHD or just “little habits” of his.

During his middle school years, he used energy drinks to bounce back from being exhausted every day after school. This would work, except those energy drinks would upset his ADHD, and would make it much harder to focus on even basic conversation.

After a while, he got such bad grades and had such a hard time making friends that Scout just stopped going to school altogether.

Baseball helped his focus, and the quick movement and thinking made a lot of sense to him. He never had to wait very long for the next development, and the instant gratification and community it provided supplemented what he never got at school.

With sports on his side, he rarely ever drank any energy drinks (the coach would never let them on the field), and he drank bucketfuls of water during every meet and game. Those teenage years were probably the healthiest he ever was.

However, with the amount of rumbles he got into with his brothers, and the turf wars that constantly raged in those neighborhoods, it was only a matter of time before his crime caught up with him.

After his first incarceration, he was booted from the team, which led to a downward spiral of unhealthy coping mechanisms - which included fighting someone tooth and nail whenever he could.

Even if he lost the fight, it not only catered to his impulsive nature and impatience, but also gave him roughly the same sense of friendship and camaraderie that baseball had.

One thing led to another, and by the time Mann Co. found him, Scout was a monster in hand to hand (and bat to bat) and had racked up quite the criminal record.

A perfect mercenary, ripe for the picking.

On The Team:

Scout very quickly adopted the “stupid, scrappy Boston boy” persona.

It was the only thing that made sense, and it kept him from having to try too hard in both the battlefield and socially.

Besides, that meant that he could be as silly, forgetful, and fidgety as he wanted, and no one would bat an eye.

And if he ever needed to take a break from the team, he figured everyone would appreciate the quiet.

The only thing that ever gave him away was him occasionally dissociating right when battle began, especially if the day had been stressful.

It was usually how he calmed down after a fight when he was young, but now he sometimes slid into that state when he was overwhelmed.

However, a yell from one of his teammates would usually snap him out of it.

Medic noticed this pretty early on, and wanted to look more into it, but Scout would keep making excuses not to get a mental examination.

He would blame it on zoning out, being tired, drinking too many Bonks - whatever it took for people to stop asking.

And, eventually, they did.

Even Medic stopped asking after a while - he couldn’t get a thing out of Scout.

This “try so little that when you do try it’s above average” charade worked for a long time. In fact, it went on for so long that Scout forgot how much he was actually capable of.

He began to internalize the stupidity, the exacerbation, the many comments on how dumb he was, everything.

The only time he ever gave his all was on the battlefield - moving fast, memorizing strategies, doing complicated footwork, knowing exactly how much force it took to crush someone’s skull with his bat.

That was one of the only things that he felt good doing, the only thing he could really work on without him being “found out.”

That and drawing, though he never showed the actual pieces to anyone. It was all stick figures and crooked lines with everyone else.

Sometimes, though, Scout wouldn’t be paying attention and he’d let something slip.

One time, Engineer was looking for his screwdriver, and couldn’t seem to find it anywhere.

Scout, not looking up from his comic, said, “Under the couch cushion, hard hat.”

Engineer bent down and reached into the couch, and his hand came back with his red and yellow striped screwdriver.

“Well I’ll be damned…”

At first Engineer thought Scout had just hid it, but Scout explained, still not paying attention:

“Last time we went out on th’ field, you had it on your belt, like always. But I was walkin’ by your workshop, you were usin’ a quarter to tighten a screw or somethin’. Your screwdriver had to be somewhere between the battlefield and your workshop. Engie, you’re like freakin’ clockwork. Every day, after a fight, you go to the kitchen, get a water, go to that couch, between the second and third cushion from the left, and sit there. Then ya go back to the fridge to get lunch and a beer, and ya go to your workshop until somebody needs you for somethin’. Your back loop in your tool belt is looser than all the others, ‘cause the screwdriver pulls against it when you sit down. The shank was probably in between the two cushions, and when you got up, it fell in. Demo, Pyro, and Heavy all sit on the second or third cushion at some point, so it got shimmied down. And since that’s the only time you sat down, ‘cause you woulda heard it if it dropped on the floor, and I…uh…”

“I’ll be damned,” Engie repeated, and felt the back tool belt loop. It was indeed loose.

Scout finally looked up, and realized what had happened.

“Uh, uh - l-lucky guess, huh Engie?”

Engineer squinted behind his goggles. “Yeah…real lucky…”

What ensued was Engie trying to get Scout to turn into a B.L.U Spy by chasing him around with his wrench. After a few good hits, though, Engineer saw that it was the teammate he knew and loved.

“But…how didja…?”

Scout threw his hand up, the other rubbing the back of his head where he’d been hit.

“I toldja Engie! Lucky guess! Jesus!”

Ever since then, Scout chose his words more carefully.

The Breakdown:

But, unfortunately, Scout could not pretend forever.

There was one week where Scout’s assignment count was so high that, if he wasn’t in a fight, he was on a mission.

Usually, Pauling wouldn’t trust him with so much, but no one else was available - or willing - to do the jobs.

Even when she was getting concerned about the amount of hours Scout was putting in, he blew it off.

“It’s no sweat, Miss Pauling! Their practically givin’ me the pay day. Those yahoos don’t know who they’re messin’ with.”

Over time, though, Scout had a harder and harder time staying focused and alert.

He’d sleep through alarms, stare off into space, zone out completely during briefing (not that he didn’t already do that), have a hard time hearing people in battle - even through his headset - ignore Spy’s taunts, and even forget to bring his bat onto the field.

Nothing seemed to help - Bonk!, warming up, stretching, cold showers, setting reminders, nothing.

And the team was starting to notice.

At first it was with the regular frustration - maybe Scout was just being lazy.

But as time went on, and his condition grew worse, their scorn turned into worry. They implored Medic to do something, but he had no way of getting through to Scout.

The doctor wasn’t above simply sedating him and dragging him into his lab for a check-up. However, he had a feeling that this was more than a physical issue.

The worst came when Scout was doing a routine battle with the B.L.U team on the field.

Everything had started out okay - he even remembered to bring his bad this time - but suddenly, everything was ear-splittingly loud.

He couldn’t focus on more than one sound at once, much less communicate the best course of action to his teammates.

He ended up hiding in a dilapidated shed, in a dusty, dark corner, somewhere between zoning out and panicking.

Scout’s head was in his knees, he was shaking, close to crying, when a sudden splitting of wood roused him.

A B.L.U Soldier had kicked his way into the shed, either having heard Scout or to hide from the other team.

Scout was stunned at first, but something of a blind terror filled him. He picked up his bat, screamed, and started pummeling the surprised Soldier.

At some point, he threw aside his bat and began to swing punch after punch, just like he did in his gang days when he had felt overwhelmed. Still screaming. Still crying.

By the time Scout had dissolved into a rocking, sobbing mess, the Soldier was long dead, with a gigantic pool of blood staining Scout’s shoes.

No one even knew where Scout was until a few hours later, when Spy heard a faint note of “Sexbomb” coming from Scout’s Walkman.

Scout had crawled into the shed’s framework, between the outer and inner wall, and was playing a specific verse over and over and over again, looking like he was on another plane of existence.

Spy immediately called for Medic, who had to lift Scout out by the underarms through a jagged hole in the side of the building. By then, the fight was over, so they could take him directly to the lab.

Medic’s Evaluation:

“I’m guessing zhis is your first mental breakdown?”

“Mental…doc, I ain’t crazy. Wait, you’re not goin’ to put me in a straight jacket, are ya?”

“If you’re not doing anyzhing later.”

Medic started to laugh, but quickly realized this might not be the time.

“No, Scout, everyvun has a mental breakdown at least vunce in their lives. It’s a…how do you say…a vake-up call of sorts. Vhen your body has no other options left.”

“Whaddya mean?”

“For zhe past few months, you health, both physical and mental, has been deteriorating. You eat less. You talk less. Your attacks are lackluster. You have bags under your eyes. You flinch vhen somevun yells for you. You stare off into space. Your routine, vhich usually has at least some changes, has become stringent, as if you can’t possibly expend any more energy into extra activities. You have avoided Demoman on zhe battlefield, even though you usually use him for cover.”

Medic flipped through his notes.

“I have pages and pages of your decline. However, as a scientist, I believe it is caused by zhe same source. And, though I usually respect my patient’s right to privacy vhen it comes to these sorts of matters, I believe you’ve been keeping something from me. Something that I should know as your general practitioner…your doctor.”

Scout shrugged, already shutting out the conversation.

Medic sighed.

“Maybe I tried to talk to you about zhis too soon. After all, you’ve just had a very sudden and exhausting episode. But…perhaps…”

Medic took a sheet of printer paper from his clipboard and a spare pen from his pocket.

“…zhere is an alternative.”

Scout was still unresponsive, but Medic continued.

“Zhere is a patient in my vaiting room vis a metal pole through the chest. It vill take me at least an hour to properly remove it, and a few minutes more to heal zhe area. Vhile I do zhat, vhy don’t you draw how you feel?”

Medic smiled.

“I know how much it grounds you.”

It wasn’t until Medic left that Scout actually picked up the pen, but he began drawing immediately.

For the first time in a while, he wasn’t trying to hide his strokes or scratch up the cleaner lines. No more stick figures. No more pretending.

Five minutes later, he was fully engrossed.

Medic started to walk in at one point, but, seeing how relaxed Scout was, decided to give him a few more minutes.

He deserved it.

Hello, I don’t have a prompt or nothing cuz I’m not that mentally creative, but !!!! can i pls get autistic Reid with Morgan angst and like a frens to luvers fic blurb thingy? god im terrible at this I’m sorry 🙈

(you are certainly not terrible at this and i love this prompt!!)

Also this ended up longer than I expected so it's posted on AO3 also!

-

Spencer Reid is excellent at reading victims, witnesses, suspects, and unsubs - it's what he does for a living, after all - which makes it all the more frustrating that he can't read Derek Morgan. At least, not what he wants to read about Derek Morgan, which is whether he shares the same feelings as Spencer. The fluttery-tummy, the smiling every time he hears his voice, the pining.

At first he hopes the feelings will go away - that it's just a silly crush, and he'll move on. But after three years working together, the feelings are stronger than ever, and that's when he decides he needs to do something about it.

So when the team is going to a club one night after work to let off some steam, and Derek asks Spencer specifically if he'll come this time - even though Spencer never comes out with them - this time he gives in and says yes.

He changes at home beforehand, hoping if he makes himself look "normal" then maybe acting "normal" will come easier to him. He puts on his one pair of jeans and a soft fitted purple t-shirt he bought to wear on a date once, and he switches his contacts for his glasses, because his eyes are tired. In the interest of "normalcy," he leaves his satchel at home, carrying only his phone and wallet in his pockets.

"Pretty boy!" Derek calls when Spencer walks in the door. "You made it!"

Spencer tries to focus on Derek's voice, his smile, his apparent happiness at seeing Spencer, and ignore the loud music, flashing lights, and crowds of people that have him immediately on edge. He waves to the rest of the team, who are all dancing, and walks over to stand next to Derek at the bar.

"What are you drinking?" Derek asks, and Spencer tries to weigh whether alcohol will make this better or worse. He decides he'd rather be in control as much as possible.

"Shirley Temple," he says, and when Derek laughs, it's friendly, not mean.

They take their drinks to a table, and Spencer realizes he should have brought his bag, if only to have the strap to fidget with, or one of the soft pieces of flannel he keeps inside to rub against his skin. Instead, he taps his feet and pretends he can hear what Derek is saying over the noise, and when he invites Spencer to come dance, Spencer says he'll catch up in just a moment. The minute Derek is gone, Spencer bolts.

He heads to the bathroom first, locking himself in a stall and covering his ears, trying to block out the thumping bass that feels like it's pressing in on him from all sides. He has a headache from all the perfumes and colognes and drinks and sweat and he lifts up the bottom of his shirt and holds it over his nose, trying to breathe through it like a filter. The flashing lights are gone, but one of the bulbs in the bathroom is flickering, and every part of this is too much.

Spencer finally decides that if this is what it's going to take to get Derek's attention, he might as well give up on ever being with him, because he absolutely, positively cannot do this. He doesn't even realize how hard he's punching his arm until it turns dark red, like it's about to bruise, and it's the last straw because even the bad stims aren't helping, and he can feel himself starting to fracture, lose the single thread he still seems to be hanging by.

He sneaks out the back door of the club and runs all the way home, keeping his focus on the way his leg muscles feel, and the slap of his Converse on the sidewalk, and the wind in his hair, and it's not until he's back in his apartment, huddled in his closet, screaming into one pillow and punching a pile of others, that he even thinks to check his phone.

From: Morgan Hey Pretty Boy, where'd you take off to?

From: Morgan Kid, seriously, where are you?

From: Morgan No one else has seen you and I checked the bathroom. Tell me you're okay

From: Morgan Spencer, you're really freaking me out

Missed call from: Morgan (11)

"Fuck!" Spencer screams into the pillow, and it's the last straw.

He throws his phone across the room and starts to rock forward and backward, hard enough that his head slams against the wall, flapping his hands as hard as he can, losing himself in shame and frustration and rage and humiliation.

He doesn't hear the knock at the front door, and the doesn't hear the door open, and he doesn't hear anybody enter the room, and when his hand hits something warm and solid he just punches it, and when he rocks back and his head hits a pillow instead of the wall, he starts to scream, and then to cry, and when he finally tires himself out, he collapses on the wood floor and falls asleep, and still doesn't realize there's someone else there, someone who carefully picks him up and lays him on his bed, removing his shoes and laying a blanket over him.

Spencer doesn't sleep for long, and when he wakes, Derek is sitting in the armchair in the corner, reading one of his books.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Spencer asks, trying to piece together the last several hours and finding no memory of inviting Derek over.

"You scared me, kid," Derek says, putting the book down. "You disappeared without saying anything, you didn't answer your texts or my calls. I thought something had happened to you! I was about to call the police before I figured I should check your apartment first. By the way, don't leave your front door unlocked."

"I don't usually," Spencer mumbles.

"What happened?"

"I just had to get out of there," he tries to explain. "It was-- everything was too much, and I thought I could be normal for one night but I was wrong, and I'm sorry I ruined your night--"

"You didn't ruin my night," Derek says. "Is that why you never want to come out to the clubs with us? Because it's... too much?"

"I get sensory overload," Spencer says quietly. "And I left my bag at home."

"Your bag?"

"I carry things that help. So I don't flip out like this all the time, especially on cases."

Morgan nods and moves from the armchair to the foot of the bed, where Spencer is now sitting up, still wrapped in the blanket.

"And when you got home?" Derek asks carefully. "When I got here, you were, uh..."

"I can't-- I can't talk about this right now, Derek," Spencer says desperately. "Can you just, I don't know, Google autism when you get home?"

"Yeah, of course I can," Derek says, raising an eyebrow. "If I'd known, I would have done that a long time ago."

"You didn't know? Really?"

"No, I just... I don't know. Thought you were--"

"Weird?"

"Quirky," Derek says. "But now that I know, I'll learn about it. And you can always share things, if you feel like it. If you think they would be helpful for me to know."

"Why do you care so much?" Spencer blurts out. "You don't have, like, an obligation to take care of me, just because you know now. You can pretend this never happened."

"I care about you," Derek says, moving closer to sit next to Spencer on the bed. "I care about you a lot, Spencer."

"Y-you do?"

"More than I should, maybe," he says with a small laugh. "I've cared about you since the minute I first saw you."

"Care about me like... the way friends care about each other?" Spencer whispers, and when Derek shakes his head no, Spencer reaches for his hand.

"If I'd known clubs were so painful for you, I would have invited you somewhere else. I just wanted to spend time with you. I always want to spend time with you."

"Derek," Spencer says, squeezing his hand, and before he can lose his nerve, Spencer leans in and kisses him softly on the mouth.

He pulls back and blinks a few times, waiting for Derek to tell him he's got the wrong idea, that he should leave, that this was all a misunderstanding. Instead, Derek leans in and kisses him back, deeper.

"I thought I'd never get to do that," Spencer murmurs.

"Me too," Derek replies.

"Can we-- do you want to go on, like, a coffee date with me?" Spencer asks. "Maybe tomorrow?"

"I'd like that very much. That, uh, doesn't mean we have to stop kissing now, though, does it?"

"Absolutely not." Spencer smiles, pulling Derek closer and deciding that maybe "normal" is overrated.

How Bad is Sia’s “Music” really?

I watched it illegally (because there was no way I was paying for that bullshit) and found out. It’s not as bad as we thought... It’s worse.

TW for ableism, Sia, drugs, alcohol, just in general a terrible movie, meltdowns, blackface

Literally the first thing you hear while they’re showing the production companies is THOSE stereotypical noises. If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ll know what I mean.

And yes, she does this for the WHOLE fucking movie

What was the need to show her in her underwear? Maddie Ziegler was 14 when this was made, so what was the need??? And why did Sia prolong the scene by having her hitting herself?

Less than a minute in and my reaction was already “what the fuck is this shit?”

So the opening number not only had stereotypical exaggerated facial expression, it has Maddie in BLACKFACE?!? And with culturally appropriated hair?!?

The exaggerated facial expressions are literally constant and I took photos during the film to show it, more later, but I’ll keep mentioning it

ITS LITERALLY THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME SHE IS ON SCREEN

Even her way of walking is fucking offensive, Jesus Christ

The vocalisations just had me cringing so hard, I cannot describe how awful it made me feel

Why do all the neighbours need to be paid off and help her when she goes for a walk? I don’t-

Yes, by about the five minute mark I was already seriously debating all my life decisions. It was that bad.

Kate Hudson really didn’t give a fuck that her grandma died

I will keep saying it but WHY are the facial expressions/vocalisations CONSTANT?!! Literally they do not stop at all. I work with a child who is actually similar to this in that he’s nonverbal and he makes similar noises/faces, but the way they’re in this movie is so over-exaggerated?!? And even the kid I work with doesn’t do it 24/7?!?

Sia, calling your characters Zu and Music doesn’t make them interesting in the slightest. They’re still painfully terrible and one dimensional

Literally ONE minute after being left alone with her autistic sister, Zu calls the mental health service asking if they could “theoretically” “pick up” her sister?!? Like she wants to get rid of her already?!?

“A magical little girl” - autism isn’t a magical power?!? And Music is a young woman, not a little girl?!? Why are you infantilising her?!?

Okay I’m not being funny but this choreography is NOT hard. ANYONE can do it, so claiming that you needed to hire a dancer to be Music because of the numbers is literally bullshit (and even so, there are so many amazing autistic actors and dancers?!?)

20 minutes in and I wanted to give up

So she had her first meltdown because her hair didn’t get braided immediately and that’s... certainly interesting??

The fact that Leslie Odom’s character says “I’m going to crush you now”?!?

AND THEN HE FUCKING PICKS HER UP AND FULL-BODILY PINS HER DOWN ONTO THE FLOOR

“I’m crushing her with my love” - oh fuck you, just fuck you

So Sia lied, the restraint scenes were NOT removed and there was no warning. She’s a fucking POS liar

I have no idea why he’s called Ebo or why he has such a cliche African accent?!? I might have missed out on why because I was busy trying not to bang my head into the table while I watched this film but just... yikes

“He (his brother) liked to be held” - YEAH, HELD. NOT FUCKING CRUSHED

“He is dead now” - IM NOT FUCKING SURPRISED IF YOU CRUSHED HIM LIKE THAT

The constant babying and patronizing of the autistic character is so exhausting to watch. I’m so tired

“Planning on sending her to the people pound but I guess I’ll keep her a little longer” - SHE WAS JOKING BUT THAT WAS NOT EVEN REMOTELY A FUNNY JOKE. NOT EVEN IN AN AWKWARD WAY

STOP THE FACES IM-

^ YEAH, Sia, totally a fucking love letter to the autistic community here ^

So Zu finds this necklace she made as a kid that had a little dog on it, and she says to Music, “He had seizures too, just like you”... MELTDOWNS AND SEIZURES ARE NOT EVEN REMOTELY THE SAME FUCK THIS MOVIE-

It’s like Sia is trying to make the movie funny but it’s really not at all

Is Zu implying that Music is autistic because the mum was a junkie?!?

For real though, the dialogue in general is so fucking awful and cringey. Whoever wrote this should never be allowed to write again

Did she seriously leave her autistic sister alone to talk to who I’m presuming was her dealer or loan shark?!?

Also why is he - a white dude - wearing cornrows?!?

So who is the film really about? The autistic girl or the older sister saviour? I think we all know the answer to that one

WHY IS SHE WALKING AROUND WITH HER TEETH JUTTING OUT LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME

The musical numbers are literally so painful to watch. The overly bright colours, the flashing... my eyes were hurting and so was my brain

Autism representation aside for a second, the musical numbers/choreography are all fucking atrocious. Ditto for the costumes

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WERE THE PINK OOMPA LOOMPA FRUIT THINGS?!? THEY LOOK LIKE THE PINK VERSIONS OF VIOLET BEAUREGARDE THE BLUEBERRY

I wanted to cry by this point, this movie is far more awful than I thought

“I’m not saying she doesn’t want to change, I’m saying she can’t” - FUCK YOU. Why is it okay for him to assume what she can or can’t do

Can I just say that autistic people aren’t constantly in a coked up wonderland state?!! We don’t see the world as a wonderland fantasy world 24/7?!!

“She can hear you from two rooms away” / *shows her listening through two brick walls to a conversation* — Also, we don’t have super fucking sonic hearing?? WE CANT HEAR THROUGH FUCKING BRICK WALLS?!?

“She can understand everything you’re saying to her” - she’s autistic not fucking deaf

Less than 45 minutes in, there’s another meltdown in the park

“I’m not climbing on top of a small screaming white girl in public” - yeah please fucking don’t

So Zu fucking pins her down with her weight 🤦‍♀️

“She doesn’t know who she’s hitting” - IM SORRY WHAT

EBO LITERALLY SAID “TREAT HER LIKE A BEAR” when talking her through the prone restraint, I fucking CANNOT

“Tell her she’s safe” - NOT IF YOU FUCKING RESTRAIN HER LIKE THAT SHE IS NOT

The fact that she gets up, smiling and happy after a meltdown and immediately is excited to get a snow cone... I can honestly say that after a meltdown, I am in no way happy or smiling. I am often not very verbal and I’m withdrawn/not myself for at least several hours, usually the rest of the day. Fuck this film

This film is literally just about Zu, and Music is there for a plot device to give her character development. That’s all she’s there for.

Love how Sia shoehorned Zu being suicidal in there. You know, just to try and make her more easy to sympathize with (it doesn’t work)

This film is literally just a 1 hour 47 minute Sia music video with ZERO plot

WHY WERE THEY WEARING PILLOW DIAPERS IN ONE NUMBER-

I really did not feel into the side plot with that guy who was fighting but it was still better than the actual movie so...

I am SO DONE with the NON STOP CONSTANT vocal shit. So tired.

LOJ’s only role in this film is to be the stereotypical wise black guy who assists a white woman’s story. There’s like hardly any other depth there

The Ebo/Zu romance is so fucking stupid and pointless and out of NOWHERE. I couldn’t even tell if they were into each other or not

I was already so bored of the musical numbers by this point. They added NOTHING to the plot but they pretended they did, and I was so over it. And it’s not because I’m not “creative enough” or anything to understand, I love musicals and I think it could have been cool if done right... but it wasn’t. They were a mess. It’s just bad.

Sia really tried to pretend her movie was deep but really it’s a shallow mess

So Zu is meeting rich drug clients and says to Music “try not to have one of your freak outs up there” and “if you could try to get it out now”... FUCKING YIKES. It’s not an on/off button, shut the fuck up

YEP THIS WAS THE SIA CAMEO FUCK THAT BITCH

The fact that she just calls “DRUG DEALER?!? DRUG DEALER IS THAT YOU”, fucking end this please-

I fucking hate this bitch I’m dead serious

“We’re gonna send them to Haiti cause there’s been an earthquake. All these buildings fell down, children’s bones were dislocated” - WHY WAS SHE SO CHEERFUL ABOUT IT

“Gonna buy a shit load of pain meds, gonna but them on my private plane” - FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU

“Pop stars without borders” - Sia thinks she’s so clever but I would give anything to punch her I swear-

ANOTHER MUSICAL NUMBER JUST STOP IM BEGGING YOU

There’s this awkward conversation/bit with Zu and her drug dealer/loanshark about his outfit that was clearly meant to be funny but was just flat and painful

Yep, Sia really showed Music eating chewing gum off the underside of a park bench. Of course.

Look, the kid I work with does similar stuff by putting literally anything and everything in his mouth but like... why would you put that in your movie?

And there’s no indication before this that Music puts everything and anything in her mouth, she just randomly decides to get on her knees, under the bench and eat chewing gum, like she calculates that it’s there and gets it???

She has a THIRD meltdown after an allergic reaction to a bee sting and her sister just yells at her before realizing... I’m not here for this movie, I feel like I drifted off and was not really there

So Zu got angry because she left the drugs at the park but she’s not that upset that her sister had an allergic reaction???

Zu gets absolutely drunk because a) she lost Sia’s drugs and b) she’s stressed out by her autistic sister... wow, great message, Sia!

She really fucked off and left her sister alone to go clubbing/on a bender

The less said about the musical number here the better

Sia’s movie also checks the box of having stereotypical Asian parents, specifically stereotypical Asian dad being harsh/angry and hitting his wife!

ALSO HE PUSHED AND KILLED HIS SON WTF IS HAPPENING

Less than 3 minutes after the last, there’s a musical number that I think was about this side character going to heaven... another shitty Sia-esque number

The patterns during the number made my brain hurt.

Also there are so many autistic actors who can also dance, and yet Sia chose the neurotypical one because ✨ N E P O T I S M ✨

I just want to know how it was deemed necessary to show the fact the autistic character peed/wet herself? I mean... ??? It’s just so undignified and not at all necessary to the plot. Nothing happens after that, it just moves onto the next scene and it didn’t do anything

“I have no one” - 1) YOUR FUCKING SISTER. 2) GEE I FUCKING WONDER WHY, couldn’t be that you’re a shitty human being?!?

There’s a scene where Music is walking and she does ALL the stereotypical behaviours at once... just YIKES

Zu somehow stopped another meltdown just by grabbing Music by the shoulders and sitting her down???

Aaand yep. Another shitty musical number

Zu really goes to put her sister in a fucking facility and claims it’ll be “better for her” - BULLSHIT. Better for Zu, maybe, not Music.

Ah yes - the girl who the characters have said has problems with routines being changed/change in general... you’re now going to fuck up her routine by dumping her in a facility. Perfect Plan.

The nonverbal autistic girl suddenly speaking to say “don’t go” - you can just predict it from the off, can’t you?

Love that as soon as Music starts talking, Zu is like “fuck it, I’ll keep her!”

Zu really went and crashed Ebo’s brothers wedding... in a fucking bralette... YIKES

“I almost gave Music away” - SHE IS NOT A DOG YOU DONT GIVE PEOPLE AWAY

“We should sing a song” - PLEASE DO FUCKING NOT

Also that kiss/romance montage between Zu and Ebo was the CRINGIEST fucking shit ever

This movie seems to be implying that Music has locked in syndrome or something, like she’s locked in her own head or whatever it’s called, and I just... *sigh*

Oh and now Music magically fucking sings in a room FULL of strangers... this is literally embarrassing, please let this end

I mean it, this movie was fucking painful to watch on ever level

She got a service dog puppy which... okay?

Oh look, it’s the only decent song on the soundtrack but with an absolutely shitty over-stimulatory music video with the credits!

I can only name 5 characters in this film. Maybe 7 at a push, but even then I would be guessing

AND YEP SHE THANKED AUTISM SPEAKS OVER THE CREDITS. FUCK YOU SIA 🖕🏻

Let me reiterate: this is a movie about a neurotypical former drug addict whose character development comes from the autistic character, from having an autistic sister she has to take care of. I’m so tired.

We are NOT plot devices or tools for character development. Not once does anyone in this film treat Music like a human being - she’s treated as a burden, a problem, and then like a pet that they decide to keep. Not once is the film focused on how she is feeling - it’s always about Zu or Ebo. The performance itself was so over exaggerated and it made me want to cry when I watched it because this is how the world sees us, and this movie will make it ten times worse. It’s stuff like this that made me think “I don’t want to be labelled as autistic because people will think I’m a certain way”, that made me wait so long before going to the GP to get a referral.

As I said, poor autistic representation aside, the movie is just so appallingly bad. It truly is one of the worst films I’ve watched. If you’re going to watch it, please don’t - or, if you want to because you want to see how bad it is/to raise awareness/critical posts, at least do it illegally. Do not give Sia your money.

I request some Weiss finding out she's on the spectrum after Ruby and Penny... open her eyes so to speak.

((Okay but neurodivergent!Weiss is so underrated and needs more love, thank you for requesting this!

Btw, instead of saying “on the spectrum,” it’s totally cool to just use “autistic,” or “neurodivergent” to be more broad. I’m not sure of the consensus among the wider autistic community, but “on the spectrum” has always felt like a euphemism to me, when there’s no need to dance around the word “autistic,” so feel free to use it! 😊 ))

Weiss wasn’t sure how she’d managed to get roped into hanging out with Ruby and Penny in the Beacon library so often, but with every passing “study date,” she’d become content with just sitting and listening to the two girls talk while Weiss read from a textbook or wrote an essay. Their chatter was great background noise, as Weiss had adapted to living with the rest of Team RWBY by managing to do everything with some sort of chaos going on in the background, and that included schoolwork. She didn’t really engage in conversation during these study dates, as Ruby and Penny were content with her company while Weiss did her best to be academically productive with her time.

Today, however, the topic of conversation tugged at Weiss’ attention. There was usually an intense focus that would overtake her when it came to studying, like she was viewing her crystal clear text book on a blurry background and nothing could breach her attention. But Ruby had said something to Penny that made Weiss’ ears burn:

“Oh yeah, I do that all the time!” Ruby said. “Like, it’s super embarrassing sometimes, but if some asks me about my weapon I’m like BLAGH! Word vomit.”

“Just like how I infodump about bugs,” Penny said with a bright smile. “They are so interesting, especially the kind that fly or are bioluminescent.”

“Yeah! I remember that time you infodumped about fireflies for, like, thirty minutes!”

Weiss looked up from her book and listened to the two for a moment. Infodump? “What’s infodump?”

Ruby turned, her silver eyes lighting up when she heard Weiss chime in. “Oh! It’s a thing that’s common with neurodivergent brains.” She made her point by pointing to her temple. “Something that captures your interest so much that you get the urge to just go on and on about it.”

“Neurodivergent?” Weiss asked.

“Like how I’m autistic,” Penny said with a nod, “And Ruby is autistic and has ADHD.”

“And dyslexia,” Ruby added.

“And dyslexia,” Penny agreed.

“My brain has trouble being a brain sometimes,” Ruby said with a grin.

“Ohhh, okay,” Weiss said with a nod, understanding a bit better now. “So when you, like, talk about Crescent Rose or fairy tales for a really long time, that’s you infodumping?”

“Yeah!” Ruby said. “It’s fun, like...writing an essay, just...saying it as it comes to you.”

Weiss glanced at her dust theory essay to her right. Or, well, her “outline” for her dust theory essay. It was more of just a piece of notebook paper for her to put word vomit while she...

Hang on...

“I think I’ve done that, actually,” Weiss admitted, remembering back to a couple days ago. She had just finished reading a book about dust theory. Not a required reading, but something she just picked up for fun (yes, she is a nerd and Weiss was content with that). Since she knew Pyrrha was super interested in dust theory as well, Weiss went to her and talked all about the book. Pyrrha had listened kindly and bounced questions off of Weiss, but Weiss had pretty much dominated that interaction. That realization really hit her when, after she had finished talking, Pyrrha had giggled and said, “Wow, when you get interested in something, you dive in 100-percent, huh? That’s cool!”

Weiss explained that example, and Ruby’s eyes seemed to sparkle under the library’s fluorescent lights. “That’s exactly what it’s like! Let’s see, uhm...okay, when you’re doing something that you really like, do you focus on it for hours on end without thinking about anything else?”

“Well, yeah,” Weiss said, never having thought much of it. She was just doing that a minute ago, of course.

“But like, hours,” Ruby reiterated. “And you focus so hard you forget to eat or drink or go to the bathroom because you literally can’t think about or do anything else.”

“I mean, doesn’t everyone do that?” Weiss asked with an uncertain shrug.

Ruby simply stared at her in response, her jaw hanging open.

“That actually is uncommon,” Penny chimed in, missing the confused tension that radiated off of Ruby. “What you are experiencing is called hyperfixation. It occurs when your brain locks onto a single source of mental stimulation that triggers your brain’s chemical reward system and maintains that focus for as long as it can in an effort to continue to reap rewards in the form of firing neurotransmitters. This can cause your conscious mind to miss other common bodily functions and signals, like hunger or the need to urinate.”

“You know a whole lot about things you can’t do yourself, Penny,” Ruby said, both as an observation and a compliment.

“Thank you! The organic person’s mind is complicated and fascinating!”

“Yeah...” Weiss agreed, absorbing all the information Penny had just given her, all about neurotransmitters and whatnot. “I do those things a lot, actually.”

Ruby then slammed her hands palms-down on to the table and trained her eyes on Weiss’ with a serious determination. “Does your brain’s immediate response to any form of rejection include an all-encompassing feeling of dread and a blazing hatred of your own existence that makes you want to punch the nearest wall and scream out the nearest window until your heart and/or voice gives out?”

Weiss stared back at Ruby with wide eyes. “I, uhh...” Then two seconds later, she had an answer, and her shoulders dropped along with her face, which settled into a begrudged but well-worn scowl directed in no particular direction. “Yeah. That was my entire childhood.”

“That’s depressing!” Penny said. “And also another common symptom called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.”

“It’s like regular rejection,” Ruby said. “Except more sensitive, and dysphoric!”

“I got that,” Weiss said with an understanding nod. “So...what I’m hearing is...I should see a professional.”

“Wrestler?” Ruby asked.

“Mental health professional,” Weiss corrected.

“Oh nice! Maybe you can be brain cousins with us!”

“Brain cousins?”

“ADHD and autism overlap in many ways and are often comorbid,” Penny noted. “But that does not actually make us related.”

“That would be super weird!” Ruby added.

Weiss looked down and nodded. “Okay. You two have given me a lot to think about.”

“Sorry about that,” Ruby said sympathetically.

“No, in a good way,” Weiss assured her.

“Oh!”

Fatgum As a Dad

This was inspired by a conversation I had on a discord server, we all have daddy issues and want Fatgum to adopt us so here’s all the shit we collected.

There are some serious themes in here, mostly regarding the biological parents of the kid, but it’s vague as possible. If anyone wants me to add a trigger warning please let me know.

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It all started when he was a kid, when he learned what an orphanage was. One of the kids in his class mentioned being from one, so when he got home he asked his parents about it. 

“Mom, what’s an orphanage?”

“Well, Taishiro, it’s where children that don’t have parents go. Then people can come and adopt the children. Why do you ask.”

“A kid at school said he’s from one, when d’you think he’s gonna get adopted?”

“He might, not all children get adopted. Some of them stay in the orphanage until they’re adults.”

“BUT THAT’S NOT FAIR!” he shouted. “EVERYONE DESERVES A HAPPY CHILDHOOD!”

“Well, honey, life’s not fair. And not everyone gets a happy life. It’s how most villains are made, actually. They were hurt more than everyone else and couldn’t handle it anymore. Not all villains are like that but many are. I think you should stay away from that kid, Taishiro. He might turn out a villain.”

But he didn’t stay away. And he made it his mission to become a pro hero so he could make a ton of money and help as many people as he could. He’d help even villains, keep them from doing something dangerous and inspire hope in them.

Then, he’d adopt any kid who needed a father. All the orphanages and foster programs would be empty. Homeless children off the street and in his house, being fed and clothed. He’d care for each and every one of them, not wanting a single person to feel like they didn’t belong. 

He finds most of his kids at pride parades. He walks around with a shirt that says ‘FREE DAD HUGS’ and a box full of candy. He remembered one of the kids walking up to him slowly.

“Um.. are you Fatgum?” 

“Yes I am!”

“Can I have a hug?”

“Yes you can, Kiddo!” he got down, and the kid put his arms on his stomach (Fatgum’s too big for anyone to fully hug, the dude’s taller than Allmight!) he wrapped his arms around the kid before he heard sniffles. He looked down and saw that the kid was crying.

“M-my parents never hug me like this!” they exclaimed. “They haven’t since I came out. They want to kick me out when I turn thirteen!” 

“Can I have their number? I’m going to... talk to them.”

He ended up taking the kid’s family to court, and since the parents were going to just kick the kid out anyways, they let Fatgum adopt them, but they kept nagging him about how he was ‘going to be raising a little demon.’

“Then call me Lucifer.” he spat right back. Now, that kid’s grown up, has pride flags all around their walls, and doesn’t ever doubt that they’re loved.

Fatgum probably bakes with his kids. Helping them up onto the counter to mix ingredients and play with the dough. If they mess something up or break a glass, it’s fine. He doesn’t yell at them or sigh and shake his head, he just kissed the kid on the forehead and helps them clean up the mess. 

The food always turns out amazing, and Fatgum always tells the kids that. All of his kids are now Gordon Ramsay level chefs and have probably met Gordon Ramsay. 

No matter what their body type is, Fatgum tells his kids their handsome/beautiful and are model worthy. If anyone comments of one of his kid’s body, whether it be negative or... ‘positive’ in a creepy way, you can expect that they’re getting slammed into the ground. No questions asked.

One of Fatgum’s kids is really good at make-up. Like, really good. So Fatgum did the only thing a rational father would do. 

Ask for a make-up job.

It didn’t end all that well...

“Hold still.. I gotta get the eyeliner on.”

“Gosh, Kiddo it’s making my eyes water.” 

“I know, just hold still... aaaand...... done! Now don’t touch it or it’ll smear!”

“Wow, that looks great! You’re really good at this!”

“Thanks, dad- you smeared it already didn’t you?”

“....Nope.”

Fatgum: I'm not gonna do it, it just seemed like a good option. 

Fatgum not even two seconds later after seeing a trans kid crying: now carrying said child on his shoulders while his spouse is chuckling in a corner after signing adoption papers I did it.

This man would get his kids almost anything they wanted. Especially kids with ADD/ADHD/Autism/Tourettes/Anxiety who need stim toys.

Kid: chewing on their nails.

Fatgum: here take this stim toy, and this one, you chew this one so that might help-

Kid ends up with more stim toys than they can count.

Fatgum: just doing his job 

The Daddy Issues Gang: Hi dad- oh shit wait- Hi- I- fuck- trauma ensues. crying

Fatgum: grabs the daddy issues gang we're going to the nearest courtroom say hello to your new father its me im the father ok lets go.

Kid: um, dad can I talk to you? 

 Fatgum, turning around quickly: yes? 

 Me: ‘he moved so quick, he's mad at me, I'm gonna get yelled at’ Sorry, sorry! 

Fatgum: uh, no. I'm getting you ice cream and a new stuffed animal no questions asked

He'd just know when something's wrong, and he’d be great at comforting.

His usual style of comfort is to let the kid sit on his stomach and tell him what’s wrong. His body is one giant pillow for his kids to lay on, he can fit at least eight of them if they cuddle in closely.

Once filmed a commercial dressed as the Cool-Aid man, and all of his kids were in the commercial.

Fatgum: Busts down wall  “OH YEAH!”

Director: “And CUT! Okay, try a little more aggressive-”

Fatgum, in tears: “I don’t wanna scare my kids.”

As stated before, if anyone makes his kids feel bad he’s punching them to the ground, but sometimes he’s not in a position where he can do that. Like if a Karen mom ever comes over.

"Linda stop bringing lemon squares if you're going to talk about my son that way because they're just as sour as your attitude."

Fatgum but he slaps the toxic members of your family and tells them to do better or he's taking you.

Then takes you anyway because you prefer him.

Fatgum with a sweater that says ‘mr dad guy on it’

Fatgum definitely watches ATLA, and quotes Uncle Iroh daily. When his kids are minding their own business they suddenly hear

“Leaves from the vine... falling so slow...” 

INAUDIBLE CHAOS AND PANIC

Fatgum agency cosplayed ATLA characters on Halloween.

Fatgum was Iroh.

Kirishima was Sokka.

Tamaki was either Momo or Appa.

Maybe get a couple others in on it too, Mirio could be Aang and if Kirishima convinces Todoroki to join for a while he’d totally be Zuko.

Fatgum lets his kids squish his face.

Fatgum used to work with a hero who was hard of hearing, so he learned sign language to help them, and he’s got the skill saved in case one of his kids might be deaf.

So one day, Kirishima invites Bakugou on patrol with him, and we all love that headcanon of Bakugou going deaf, so when he gets pissed at something, he starts insulting everyone around him in SL.

Fatgum notices and starts signing back to him.

YOU’RE ALL MOTHERFUCKERS AND I HATE YOU ALL!

Hey, now, let’s calm down and not call everyone motherfuckers.

FUCK YOU TOO

Bakugou...

Everyone thinks that they’re doing magic, because they’re making all these shapes with their hands and keep looking offended at each other.

Now, Fatgum tries his gosh darn hardest to keep up with the memes, so when his kids come home with good grades, he says “That’s so pog, Kiddo!”

All of his kids are embarrassed.

In the middle of a battle, he throws Kirishima at a villain and they both scream “YEET!” the villain afterwords forever lives in fear of the word ‘yeet’ because he thinks it’ll result in a human rock being thrown at his face.

Fatgum can’t text very well, because his fingers are just too damn big-

sonhsisntextsblooklikehthis'

Translation: so his texts look like this

you learn to understand his texts

Someone better get him a large tablet instead of a phone

If he gets married after he adopts the kids, there’s going to be a huge competition over who does the rings and who does the flowers etc.

If any of his kid’s ever bring home a romantic partner, you can bet your ass he’ll be all over them.

“What’s your average grade?”

“E-eighty percent sir!”

“And do you take sports?”

“No sir, I wish to be a biologist.”

“I see, I see...”

“DAD, YOU AREN”T INTERVIEWING MY PARTNER, ARE YOU? YOU SCARED OFF THE LAST THREE I DON’T WANNA DEAL WITH THAT AGAIN!”

“SORRY, KIDDO! I’LL LET THEM GO NOW! I’ve got my fucking eyes on you. Don’t screw this up.”

Hope y’all enjoy this, if y’all want I can write some headcanons for if Fatgum’s kid becomes a villain-

Can I please have some headcanons on The Star Tugs? (And maybe also the Z-Stacks if you want to)

Since you didn't really specify what you wanted i figured I delve into their personal lives a little.

⚠️Warnings⚠️ talks of mental illness and disabilities

Btw any talk of anxiety, autism, PTSD ect are from my personal experiences with it and how I interpret characters and the way they act bc of my past.

Star Fleet

Tencents

Tencents has always struggled with anger issues since he was little.

He wouldn't hurt people but he had issues with a short temper and short patience which would result in him throwing wooden blocks when he was little and snapping and kicking pieces of Wood around the port now and punching walls and wood slabs.

He punched the side of his boat once, dented the damn thing and almost shattered his hand. Hercules wrapped his hands to stop the bleeding and had a very long discussion about anger management with TenCents after.

Tencents also has partial paralysis in his right arm and hand after the munitions accident but it isn't horrible. Only when it flairs up under anxiety or anger.

Also struggles with anxiety and slight PTSD after the Munitions accident.

Big Mac

Also suffers from Anger issues but to a higher extreme than TenCents.

But Big Mac also has had more time to get control of the anger issues.

Tends to take his anger out by cussing in his native language

Oj

Struggles with anxiety, and slight PTSD from almost being scrapped a few times

Has gotten help for both of the conditions and has learned to help himself calm down when things get bad.

Likes to paint or bake to help himself calm down and always ends up giving someone something.

Tophat

Suffers from Bipolar disorder and probably has abandonment issues.

Bipolar Disorder runs on his dads side of the family which is the side he takes after.

He has abandonment issues because growing up he was always held up to his older brother Hercules achievements and accomplishments and eventually his parents basically stopped paying attention to him.

He doesn't really have a way to calm himself down except for storming away from the situation and moping.

Rarely he has a cigarette to calm down to Hercules' dismay.

Warrior

Suffers from ADD, potentially Autism and a minor case of short term memory loss (stml)

His ADD makes it hard for him to learn and grasp onto things, paired with a learning disability he always struggles with school and learning.

His STML more or less comes through in his inability to remember how to say things and things like forgetting names a lot and how to certain things.

He lives with his brother Big Mac so he doesn't get hurt and in turn Warrior actually watches over Big Mac.

Side note when you get Warrior on a topic he is  passionate about you'll see that cery sweet and charming side come out.

Hercules

Anxiety, Depression, and PTSD

His anxiety stems from his home life as a child. It runs on his moms side of the family and he takes after her. It got worse throughout his early preteen and all throughout his teenage years because he was held up to high standards and felt horrible about how often his parents forgot his little brother (Tophat)

His depression and PTSD stems from seeing his dad almost die and struggle with alcoholism for a while.

His depression and PTSD also stems from being in the navy.

This poor man has been shot a few times and has been caught by fire and fallen off boats into frigid waters. He's lost close friends and seen a lot.

It doesnt bother him all that often as he has gotten help and has learned from OJ but when it flares up the only people that seem to help are his brother and son.

Sunshine

Separation anxiety, and a lisp

Sunshine has gone through a lot and been separated from people he trusts multiple times so when he does warn up he gets attached and it too worried to go to far from his family or friends.

Sunny was born with a slight lisp, he has always had it and never was ashamed of it.

Hercules and Big mac are helping him with his anxieties and he's gotten much better.

Z-stacks

Zorran

Anger issues.

Has always struggled with anger issues and he was brought up in a house where he basically got whatever he wanted and his mom wouldn't discipline him but his dad did.

Hasnt done anything to get help or try and work on anger management and has no real interest in it.

Most likely has other underlying conditions.

Zebedee

Depression and potential OCD

Zebby had a very rough home life, his dad passed when he was young and his mom worked multiple jobs while raising him, his baby brother and baby sister.

His mom raised him to be responsible, respectful, hard working and most importantly loving.

His depression makes the last part a little difficult as he struggles to let his guard down.

His potential OCD shows when he gets upset when he tries to do things on his own or gets very upset when something isn't done exactly how he wants it.

It's not a very severe case which is why it's kind of hard to say if he has it or not but it's there.

Zak

Anger issues

That's it, he's struggled with anger issues since he was a teen.

After being bullied he got involved in a group of bad kids and tampered with drugs and became semi aggressive afterwards.

Zug

there's nothing he really struggles with. He's just kind of a sneaky shit head.

Zip

ADHD

ADHD runs in his family and it's very common in the men in the family so it was expected that he had it.

Zip and his little brother Zaxary were homeless growing up so by the time his ADHD really started to show through they didn't have the chance to diagnose him.

To All My Fathers (Chapter 1)

Summary: Damian Wayne, a fourteen year old with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, goes onto a road trip with the four men who shaped him as a person before his bone marrow transplant.

Fic also avaliable on FF.net

Damian had definitely decided he would not wear a fanny pack.

It didn't matter that it was the most convenient and comfortable way to take a chemo pump iv from place to place. He'll much rather attract attention with a backpack connected to a pump than to regress back to the eighties in the most horrendous fashion. Sure he might pick up unwanted attention from strangers but A) He could always stare at them back; B) He was past the time to care and C) He already didn't have eyebrows so that was kind of a moot point.

The boy was currently seated at the med bed of the 666 room. (Drake had made several jokes about it, which Damian didn't mind and in fact encouraged, because with his diagnosis came a morbid sense of humor and he was also glad at least one person still treated him like a human being). He was practicing violin while he could still hold it and also enjoying the fact that he was wearing actual comfortable clothes and not a paper robe that made his autism completely and utterly fucking lose it.

Some kids from the other rooms had come to see him perform and Damian loved to have an audience. Because he had an ego, not as much and not as evil as people usually thought, but still. Most of them were children younger than ten who just needed some entertainment that wasn't a superhero.

"This was Ode To Joy by Bethoveen," Damian explained. The three children around him applauded. When they stopped he could still hear hands clapping, he looked up and his eyes met his father's.

Bruce came closer to him and the kids left after being called by a nurse. Boy and man looked at each other for a few seconds.

"Are you ready?" Bruce finally asked

Damian might have sounded insane if he said it outloud, but his father and Jon were very similar.

The blue eyes, the black hair and the fact that they both cried before or after entering a room with Damian in it, bonus points if he was being stabbed with a needle right at that moment, then you could see their eyes getting crystalized almost in slow motion.

And it's not like Damian was annoyed by their emotions as one might have thought, it was more of a...sting, (man being stabbed with a needle on a daily basis was really taking a toll on him, wasn't it?) like, something that hurt but it wasn't enough for him to do anything about it more than to grit his teeth and power through it.

Numbness was apparently a common thing among patients. But Damian thought of himself as many stuff, but common wasn't one of them

And perhaps his ego was the only thing keeping him optimistic, perhaps thinking that he was too special to die alone in a hospital room was what made him stronger against the whole GvHD thing.

Leslie had told him that he was lucky to find a donor that was relatively near, in Kansas nonetheless, home of Superman and. So now he had just to keep up with the program: L-asparaginase,dexamethasone and vincristine several times a day and wait.

Or at least that was the original plan.

"Yes." he finally answered, standing up.

When all you receive in your life is gaslighting, you don't even notice the medical gaslighting.

Maybe it was the whole "being indoctrinated since birth by an ecoterrorist death cult" thing but his ability to exercise his free will hadn't been particularly developed.

The bruises? Vigilante stuff. The fever? Probably the flu. Weight loss? Maybe he had gotten a growth spurt that just made him seem thinner…He had to throw up blood to even be admitted into a hospital.

The Wayne-Head name allowed him the finest care probably ever known to man. "Nepotism: where you can die comfortably" that was an actual thing he had said while high on sedatives. He could only imagine his mother's face upon hearing it.

When he woke up both his parents were there. Damian could immediately tell something was wrong. His father was crying and his mother was stoic.

"Oh, ok, so I'm dying" He said, grabbing their attention. Both Talia and Bruce turn to look at him. Damian tried to sit and noticed his arm was cranked to an IV. "Oh, I'm actually dying."

"Do not speak like that." His mother warned him with a threatening voice. Bruce kept quiet but still with a face wet with tears.

Next to them there was a third person. She was an older woman with gray hair and glasses. Doctor Thompkins, his father's godmother. She went over to the medbed and sat on the foot. Damian crossed his arms. She was a smart woman but had the annoying habit of treating him like a perpetual child. Probably the closest thing he had to an actual grandmother.

"Damian," she fixed her glasses and looked at the clipboard she was holding. "Your blood count is in the 200.000 white cells."

Damian's eyes slightly widened, which covertly hid how much of a gut punch he just received.

"I can't have leukemia," he simply stated. There was a slight pained sound coming from his father's mouth which made Damian look him in the eye…that's how he knew it was true.

He started to grin which turned into a giggle which turned into a laugh.

Bruce and Talia looked at him with worry.

"Denial is very common," Leslie stated, trying to remain calm and also sooth Damian up. The teen kept laughing and then stopped to talk.

He had tears in his eyes. "I mean... so much for being an eugenics frankenstein monster, I've failed at even that."

The rest of that afternoon was a blur for him. Except for the being stabbed with needles on his spine parts, that one he remembered very well. Since he had such a high tolerance for pain, the fact that he was casually hurt was news to him.

Of course Dick had been the first one to enter the room.

Damian had hoped that he wasn't but after all it made sense that he did, he was his Robin. He could imagine him punching a wall and screaming when he heard the news. That mental image didn't upset him at all, clearly.

Damian was pretending to watch TV where his oldest brother entered the scene. He had prepared what he was going to say. How he was okay and how he was too stubborn to die anyways. But all of that went to hell when Dick entered the room and immediately ran up to hug him.

All of the walls he had been building up until now feel down hard. Damian just had to press his head against Dick's shoulder for the tears to start running.

"I want a falafel."

They were in the hospital room after a particularly hard session of chemo. His brother was on a chair in front of him reading a book and not looking at him.

"You just threw up on my shoe," he reminded Damian.

"I'm here for a good time, not a long time"

Dick rolled his eyes, now accustomed to the fact that his sibling had developed a morbid sense of humor because of his condition. Right at that moment the door opened and Doctor Thompkins entered the room.

"How are we?" She asked.

"Great." Both responded almost robotically. Damian gagged.

"I wanted to talk to you, Dick, about the bone marrow transplant."

"Why not talk to me?" Damian intervened. "I'm the one whose blood isn't working."

"Because you're still a child," Dick answered as a matter of fact. And despite everything he was glad his older brother at least now had the courtesy of treating him like he had always done. "What's the prognosis, doc?"

"We're considering the umbilical cord transfusion." Leslie explained. "But you will have to ask my godson first.

"Why would he need to...wait...Selina's pregnant?!" Damian asked but then he threw up again. "That wasn't meant to signify my feelings on the matter."

Leslie continued. "But that will still take a few months and...I'm afraid we don't have that much time."

Damian pretended to gag and looked down at the bucket, all to avoid looking at Dick's face.

"But the good news is that we found a match."

Damian hadn't even had time to think about that sentence before he blurted it out, but now it was there, out in the open. For everyone to hear.

"I want to have children."

Everyone being an hyperbole since Alfred was the one who was actually there. His father had to go to patrol so the butler had the night shift to take care of Damian while at the hospital to which the boy was appreciative of. Except for this moment when he was mentally slapping himself for letting on too much. Side effects of being raised to be a killing machine.

"I...did not know that." Alfred admitted. Up to twelve seconds ago he had been standing up listing the symptoms of chemo at Damian's request since he didn't trust Leslie to do it without sugarcoating it and his father might burst into tears in an attempt to do so. Damian had been listening attentively before Alfred mentioned that it was possible that he might wind up being infertile.

The boy simply turned around to the other side of the bed and sighed as tears left his eyes.

Dear Damian

I could not be more content that you are receiving the transplant that you so much need. I wish I could accompany you on the journey to Kansas, but sadly Lady Talia needs me to look out after Bialya...I wish you nothing but a rapid recovery. I implore you to remember that you are not alone in this, to remember that there is a plethora of people that adore you with all of their souls and that you will always have their help. Even when you do not want it.

Best Wishes

Ravi.

Damian looked at Alfred who glanced at him for a nanosecond in the mirror of the car. He knew he was the most active ally he had in this game. Since he not only advocated to his father for this trip to be possible but he also was the only person to always show his compassion in spite of if he actually deserved it or not. Bruce was next to him while Richard sat next to Damian and assesed his condition.

They stayed in comfortable silence in the car with only the sound of "dad music" on the radio for background noise. Damian allowed himself to close his eyes and to feel the soothing bounce of the car against the pavement on his skin...

They stopped suddenly after a while and Damian opened his eyes, he frowned in confusion as Alfred parked the car in front of the airport.

"What are we doing here?" he asked curiously.

Alfred turned around to look at him. "Your father , Master Richard and I thought It'll be a good idea to fly in a friend of yours."

Damian's frown deepened. "A friend?"

Suddenly a tap was heard on the window. They both turned around to look at the front window. It was being slightly knocked on it by a man with a white cane and a bald head who was smiling at them.

"Ravi?" Damian rubbed his eyes and felt them watering up.

Damian knew that he could never make up to Ravi for being responsible for losing his vision. And he also knew that in spite of that the man would still love him unconditionally.

That could be proven easily by the letters that he had written to him when he found out about his diagnosis…

All his father figures were here, suddenly he felt an internal strength he hadn't felt in a while.

Survey #530

i’m sorry i’m spamming tf out this tag, y’all. I missed surveys a lot bro.

Do you know anyone who does have cancer? I don't believe I know anyone with active cancer, no. Has your house or where you stayed ever flooded? My childhood home, at least outside, got pretty damn flooded from Hurricane Floyd. Thankfully, our porch was tall and it was a brick house with a strong foundation, so we were fine. Who or what would you like to be remembered as when you leave this earth? I want to be remembered as someone who deeply cared about others and animals, and hopefully as a relatively talented artist of some sort. Ever felt like punching a hole in a wall? Yes, but I would never actually do that. Ever been a part of a search party? No. Have you ever had swollen ankles? Yes, from edema. I actually experienced awful swelling leaving the hospital yesterday that I nearly collapsed going to the car and came so close to crying. I'd done a lot (for me, anyway...) of walking, power-walking at that, and my legs just can't handle it. if you could have any accent which one would you want? British. What is your least favorite fruit? Maybe cantaloupe? I'm not sure. [insert a random fact about yourself here please: Ummm I was born in an ice storm. If you could own your own foundation what would it benefit? Maybe like, abused and rescued pets? I'd have to think on this a while. Are you against wearing real animal fur? Unless you live in the arctic and absolutely need to for survival, absolutely. Would you know how to use a flare gun in case of an emergency? No, but it looks easy enough to figure out. Ever seen a woodpecker? Yeah! do you know anyone diagnosed with autism? My niece, and Mom and I speculate I might be a high-functioning autistic for a pretty big number of reasons. I was just never tested for it and by this point in my life really don't care. Have you ever been bullied because of the things you like? I was never really bullied, but I felt very judged in elementary school for being a girl that loved Pokemon. Have you bullied others because they like things you do not? No. Never, ever aim to make people ashamed of what makes them happy. Have you ever been a bad friend? I'm sure I have. Do you like Elton John? Not particularly, no. I do enjoy quite a few covers of "Rocket Man," though, and I like his parts in "Ordinary Man" by Ozzy. Have any celebrity deaths hit you hard? Which one(s)? Steve Irwin hit me the hardest; he was my hero. Chester Bennington was also hard. Have you ever been ghosted before? No. Would you prefer a black or white cellphone, or a bright colored one? Brightly colored. Does your mom, dad, or siblings play any instruments? No. My older sister played the clarinet in either middle or high school, I don't remember, but I'm sure she couldn't play it now. Your last ex: how did you two get together? My mind was kinda drifting while I was riding in the car with Mom, and I rather suddenly had a daydream about her and realized "oh shit I like her" and not long after told her. Does your mom dye her hair? Yes. She's self-conscious of her gray. If yes, does she deny that she does? No. What's the last thing you searched on Google? The definition of "succor" because I heard it in Elden Ring, and it was a very familiar word, but I just couldn't quite remember what it meant. How would you react if your mom got a lip piercing? THAT would be shocking. What animal is really common to see in the woods where you live? Squirrels. Would you like to follow in one of your parents' footsteps? No, honestly. What/who do you take the most pictures of? My cat, lol. Be honest, does the person you like actually deserve you? Or are they actually not worthy of your affections? I don't deserve him. But I'm trying to be what he's worthy of. Who were you in a relationship with last October? Girt. What is better, history or science? Science, for sure. Would you ever wear black lipstick? Do you know anyone who does? If I ever wear lipstick, it's always black. If you wear eye shadow, do you put on a dark colour or a light? And if you wear mascara, what colour is it? Always black, bby. Do you combine your socks and underwear in the same drawer? Yes. If the last person you kissed told you that kissing you was a mistake, what would your reaction be? I'd cry, like, a lot. What’s the meanest thing anyone’s said to you? I don't want to think of this. Which one of your friends should be a stand-up comedian? GIRT! I have believed since I met this dude that he's the funniest person I know. He makes me laugh so damn easily. Is your mom a better driver or your dad? Yes; my dad has a tendency to tailgate. What did you do the last time you hung out with your boyfriend? We played Shadow of the Colossus! We've only got two bosses left. What was the last food item craving you had? Peach rings. John had them in his Elden Ring vid I was watching yesterday, and I'm just like,,,,, bro mail me some What do you think of archaeology? It's super interesting! Do you like D&D or Magic The Gathering the most? I've never played the former because I'm too awkward for it, but I do enjoy Magic. Did you get enough rest last night? Nowhere NEAR enough. I was too excited to be home and wanted to do stuff instead of sleep. Who would you like to spend one day with that is no longer living? Steve irwin. What are you least proud of? My body. Have you ever kissed someone in the rain? Yeah. Do you think anyone has feelings for you? I know he does. When’s the last time you talked with the opposite sex on the phone? A few days when Girt called me at the hospital. Where did you get the shirt you're wearing? Wal-Mart. It's actually a really cool candy skull tank top. Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? BRO if the recent surveys have been enough of a sign, I've been really, really appreciative and thankful for my boyfriend lately, more than usual, or ever. Where is your boyfriend/girlfriend right now? He's at work. Favourite place in your country? Bro I haven't explored NEARLY enough locations to answer this. I just know I love mountainous areas. Do you get confused with other nationalities? No. Which of your neighbouring countries would you like to visit most/know best? Canada. Which stereotype about your country you hate the most and which one you somewhat agree with? Uhhhh... most hated, I suppose that we're all starving for war or that we see America as flawless. One that I agree with is we absolutely stick our noses into places they don't belong. Are you interested in your country’s history? To be real, no, but I'm not interested in history, period. Do you like your country’s flag and/or emblem? What about the national anthem? Our flag is fine, imo. I don't have much of an opinion on the anthem. What makes you proud about your country? I mean, I guess we're probably the most free? But I'm not interested in world politics like that to really know. Do you have people of different nationalities in your family? Ancestors, yeah. Not close family, though. If the last person you kissed invited you to a family dinner, would you go? I'd be stoked! I wanna meet his family so badly, he's just self-conscious of his house because it's apparently hectic and likes to get away from it. Do you remember what you were wearing last time you cried? Hospital scrubs. Do you have any friends you have never gotten into an argument with? I know with certainty I've never had an argument with Tez! Have you ever been in an on-and-off relationship? So annoying right? No. Have you ever developed a crush on someone the first day you met them? I don't think so? I thought Jason was kinda weird at first, but I did develop a crush on him quickly. Would you be able to tell me your mom’s favorite food? No. Maybe something Chinese. Would you rather have a pet snake or a pet cat? Those are the two pets I have and adore! ;-; IF I had to pick between the two though and my current babies weren't in the question, I'd probs choose a snake. Have you ever gotten anything racist about you yelled at you? No. Does the last person whose house you were at like anyone? Yeah, she's married. Has a boyfriend/girlfriend ever given you a stuffed animal? Yeah! I love that. What is your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? It ain't for me for sure, but if others are safe, smart, and knowlegeeble about any precautions they need to take (like if having a sexually transmitted disease), you do you. I've heard there's science about an almost inevitable attachment, so it may not be the smartest choice, but I'm not sure about it. Name of your first grade teacher? Mrs. Jones. What books, if any, have made you cry? Oh god, many. Whose car were you in last…? My mom's. Who was the last person to piss you off? My mom and I got into a fight earlier, and I was STEAMING afterwards.

I’ve gotta say, I’m really enjoying these stories. Also, your late father sounds like an amazing man. I can really see the inspiration for LoLo come out in your mentions of him.

When my mother got pregnant with me - a planned pregnancy, they were young when they married but I was born 16 months later - my father knew from the get-go that he wanted a girl.

This was (and, I am sad to say, still is) an unusual thing for a father to wish for. Most fathers wish for a son. My Dad, however, was raised by a drunken, abusive, narcissistic man and he was afraid that if he had a son he’d just turn into his father. He thought a daughter would help him break that cycle of abuse. 

When I was born he told the nurse who brought me out to him in the waiting room that I was an angel, and Angel was the nickname that he alone called me.

He and I were very, very close, something that made my mother and younger brother jealous. (I didn’t really see or understand that until after he died when I was 26.)  There was nothing whatsoever or remotely sexual about it, which is what people usually assume when a father and daughter are very close. As my girlhood best friend said to me a few months ago, my father thought the sun rose and set on me, thought that I was his fairy princess. All of my odd, Autistic/ADHD weirdness was something he loved. I always knew he loved me not just despite my weirdness but because of it. (Something that my late wife did as well.)

My father was a brilliant man. He graduated high school at 15 and went into university to study architecture. Academically he handled it, but he was way too young to handle the social aspects as well as the responsibility of it and so he dropped out a year later. Things were apparently hellish with my grandfather and my Dad enlisted in the Army on his 18th birthday. This was 1965 and the US started sending soldiers to Vietnam. Not my Dad, though. He took some tests the military gave him and after boot camp spent his entire three years on a Nike missle base in the middle of Milwaukee, working on one of those huge old mainframe computers (you know, the kind with punch cards). I’m guessing they didn’t send the really smart ones off to be killed.

He taught himself how to be an architect through reading books at the library, including textbooks that he would sit and read at UC Berkeley’s library, even though he wasn’t a student there any longer. Then, after he had learned that, he read through engineering and physics textbooks. Then he read through every single book he could find that taught him how to actually build the structures he had learned to draw. He was completely self-taught, and the man not only designed and built complicated, Broadway-worthy theater sets he also designed and built houses from the ground up. He wanted to build a rock retaining wall at our house (which was located at the base of a hill and was on an incline) and so he went to the library and got a book about how Romans built walls and spent three years going to the local river to source variously-sized river rocks to build that retaining wall, which he did completely without any kind of mortar, just balancing the rocks perfectly. It’s still standing, 40 years later.

He always worked at very menial jobs - he was a line cook, a stocker in a supermarket produce department, an RV park manager, etc. He was terrible with money, didn’t understand it at all. We lived right on top of the poverty line. He had zero executive functioning and that caused a lot of problems for all of us and meant a lot of broken promises, too.

I am completely sure that like me, like both of his grandchildren, he had Autism and ADHD. Not diagnosed of course, they weren’t in those days, But he had them nevertheless.

He was a voracious reader and introduced me to sci fi and fantasy. On my eighth birthday he gave me his copies of The Lord of the Rings and had me read them. (This was 1977, trust me when I tell you those books were not a household name at that point.)  He’d wake me up at 3:30 am and we’d go fishing together, him with a thermos of black coffee, me with a bottle of orange juice and a box of Entenmann’s mixed donuts and we’d sit there in happy silence together, fishing and enjoying each other’s company. He was a wonderful storyteller and only once did he get angry with me. He never laid a hand on me or my brother but the one time he got angry with me he slapped me across the face and then the both of us cried.

He taught me many useful skills, like how to jimmy locks and how to walk through people unseen and how to learn on my own how to do things and how to make the world’s best pie. He always told me that I could absolutely anything I put my mind to. When I asked him once if that meant I could be a father - I was joking - he looked me straight in the eye and asked me if I actually wanted to be a father. When I told him no he responded that he had said if I had put my mind to it, and he wasn’t vouching for anything I pulled when I didn’t care.

He also told me that I was the strongest person he’d ever met and when I scoffed at that he shook his head and said, “Angel, most people see you and they have no idea at all what’s inside of you and what you are capable of. There is nothing in this life you won’t overcome. Someday, when we’re both dead, you come find me and tell me I’m wrong.” (So far, he has not been wrong.)

He was a functioning drunk; he only drank after 8 at night, however. Just enough to make sure he’d not be hungover in the morning. He was a night person and all his life only needed about 4 hours of sleep to be completely rested.

He loved movies but he hated to go alone and usually took me. Not all of these movies were appropriate for kids my age but there it was. When I was eleven he took me with him to see The Elephant Man and I broke down completely, devastated and sobbing, horrified at how cruel people were to the lead character, just because he was different. After the movie we sat in the car and he held me until I was done crying and when I was all done he told me to never forget how the movie had made me feel and to remember that no matter how different people were from me they were all human and deserved kindness, compassion and understanding. This was a lesson I have tried very hard to live throughout my life. He took people at face value, and that included everyone. I don’t think he was particularly woke based on 2021 sentiments but he tried very hard to treat people equally and that included queer people during the AIDS crisis, too.

He was a feminist and believed women should be equal to men. He walked the walk, too: he cooked, he cleaned, he changed diapers, etc. And by that I mean he did them as par for the course, as part of his daily life. He did not rely on my mother’s emotional labor to remind him to do shit. He just did it because things needed doing and he was a grownass man, not a man-child. He did not consider caring for his children as babysitting, either.

He liked to sing. My mother and brother have opera-quality singing voices - for real, both of them are quite gifted - but his wasn’t like that, it was just a perfectly ordinary, passable baritone, just like mine is a perfectly ordinary, passable alto. He sang and he whistled when he was happy and I do the same. He used to make up funny little songs and rhymes on the spot, he had a gift for improvisation that way. I wish I had inherited that but alas! No.

Even when he was a boy all of the neighborhood kids would come to him with broken toys to be fixed. He quite genuinely liked kids and even teenagers and spent a lot of time working with the local high school drama department, building the sets, working as the stage manager and setting up and working the lights and soundboard (he taught himself to do that as well) and even directing some of the plays when the drama teacher was out on maternity leave. To this day I still get contacted by people who were in school with me or my brother who tell me what an influence my father was on them, the special things he did for them to make sure they knew he was paying attention and cared. One guy a couple of years ago contacted me on Facebook and told me that he got into some trouble after high school, even got imprisoned for a few months. My father visited him in prison and afterwards took him to AA with him, became his sponsor, helped keep on the straight and narrow. He named his oldest son after my father, in fact. I hear a lot of those stories.

He loved books and he loved music and he taught me to love those things as well. He fell in love with my mother when he was seventeen and married her five years later and came to regret it - like his father, his wife was an abusive, narcissistic person. He stayed with her, though, until my second year of university, when he abruptly walked out on her, went to AA and quit drinking. I asked him about it later; he told me that he had wanted to leave her for years but knew that if he did he’d never see me or my younger brother again. The courts in those days automatically gave kids to the mother and my mother was an accomplished liar and would have told the courts anything and they would have believed her. Once I was out of the house and secure, then he was done. (The fact that my brother was only fifteen and left to fend for himself with my mother was...not good. Not good at all. My father was not perfect and he was not a saint and that was a mistake that still has repercussions today.) He did not do enough to protect me from my mother while I was growing up, however. He regretted it, he told me later. I understand now that he was constantly walking a knife’s edge, trying to keep her satisfied enough so she wouldn’t try to take me away from him, but it took therapy long after he died for me to really understand that.

His special interest was model railroading and he built these amazing, intricate landscapes, all by hand and by scratch. The man took latex molds off the sides of rocks to build mountains with and built buildings out of tiny pieces of wood and such. I spent many hours with him as he built, listening to music and reading or just laying there, thinking my thinks, or sometimes chattering nonstop to him.

He called me, every single Friday night, right after the X-Files ended, right after the child’s voice said “I made this.” My phone would ring and we’d chat for hours, talking about the show (we both loved it) and whatever else. He lived about 5 hours away from me at the time and we did talk at other times during the week but that was our standard date. He died in the middle of Season 2 and to this very goddamn fucking day whenever I hear that “I made this” I wait for my phone to ring. And I cry every single time because he will never call me again.

I absolutely think that meeting my late wife via the X-Files was my father, watching out for me. When my twins were newborn and pretty much all I did 24x7 was breastfeed them I re-watched the entirety of X-Files on the DVDs I had and I’d talk to my father in my head, telling him about his grandchildren.

He’d always buy the new Stephen King books in hardcover and read them and then give them to me to keep. He especially loved the Dark Tower series but I haven’t finished the ones that were published after he died. I bought them myself but they are still sitting on my bookshelf, unread. I just can’t.

He died in the hospital after being in a coma for a week. The ICU nurses were very kind and showed me how I could turn off the life support machine if I wanted to and told me that I could be in there with him as long as I needed. They very considerately closed all of the curtains and closed the door to the room. I was alone with him in there and I turned off the machine and I held his hand and I sang to him as he died. I didn’t want him to be alone. 

He was right. I was strong enough to do that. It hurt, though. It still hurts.

He’s buried in California with a free military headstone because my comfortably upper middle class grandfather refused to shell out for a headstone and I was flat broke. Many years later I had a regular stone engraved with the words, “Go then, there are other worlds than these” and I placed it at our summer cottage here in Finland for him. I like to think that he and my late wife are keeping company. They never met here, but they would have liked each other very much, that I do know.

Part 3 baybeeee i realised that the babies I use more often these days werent included. Annoying elaboration that doesnt matter under the cut

Sex

Self explainitory

Gender:

Self explanatory 

Build:

Singrid: The most in-shape member of her family. She’s very enthusiastic about honing her skills with her hammer, carving canoes with her bare hands, and punching sharks in the face.

Grunt: The grunt has been working on building muscle, but her years of starvation and abuse have left her permanently stunted. 

Algor: Despite being absolutely fuckall massive, he’s not too interested in honing his physique. He’s got some scholarly chub on the way. 

Poom: Actually more muscular than you’d give him credit for- though still malnourished and spindly. His baggy clothes are in part to hide a very embarrassing hourglass figure. 

Height:

Singrid: Just a few inches shorter than her brother, much to her dismay

Grunt: Shorty due to malnutrition

Algor: Fuckall massive

Poom: Comes from a pretty tall family, but just so happens to me the shortest member of that family. He thinks he’s shorter than he actually is. 

Handiness:

Self explanatory

Intelligence, Scholarly:

Singrid: While Singrid was offered the same education as her brother, she struggled with even the most basic concepts. At a certain point she decided her job was just to carry heavy equipment. Living proof of nature vs. nurture. 

Grunt: Scouted by inquest recruiters as a child. The Grunt was subjected to the standard foot soldiers ‘education’ within the Inquest. It wasn’t all that great, but it wasn’t like she could leave. 

Algor: Personally tutored by his adopted asuran father- surpassing the potential of even some asuran peers in Rata Sum. Living proof of nurture vs. nature. 

Poom: Got along okay in school, enough to Graduate Dynamics with above average grades. His true passions lie in paranormal investigation, which isnt as revered in Rata Sum. People just assume he’s crazy. 

Wisdom:

Singrid: Would look a grenade launcher down the barrel as she’s trying to figure out how to fire it. 

Grunt: What the Grunt lacks in formal education, she makes up for in sheer experience. She’s worked on just about every Inquest base the Megakrewe allows such a low-ranking agent, and tangled with more bizarre magical creatures than most norn hunters will in their lifetime. 

Algor: Algor began making supply runs in greater Tyria when he was sixteen, allowing him to come into his own as a traveller and genius. 

Poom: Easily distracted and has a nasty habit of sharing his conspiracy theories to the members of the organisations he suspects. Common sense is not amongst his strengths. 

Education:

Singrid: Technically a ‘drop out’, seeing as her father gave up on teaching her alongside her brother. However, the special attention Ruffik can give Singrid while Algor is away has convinced her to give his lessons another go.  

Grunt: Didn’t so much as ‘graduate’ as she was drafted to punishment detail. Her propensity for disaster and mayhem did not make her school days enjoyable. 

Algor: Greatly exceeded his father’s expectations. 

Poom: A decent student, but easily distracted by his true passions. 

Social Ability:

Singrid: Dreamed all her life of leaving the Far Marina Base to party all through Tyria, only to suffer from extreme social anxiety. She’s since found happiness on the peaceful ice caps, content with her few friends and family. 

Grunt: Pretty amicable, if you can get over the whining and increased likelihood of the bar burning down. 

Algor: Still relatively uncomfortable in his own skin, but growing out of it. 

Poom: A highly contagious affliction and subsequent quarantine has given an already antisocial oddball agoraphobia. Poom has slowly been taking steps to be more comfortable with people, and can at the very least venture outside without a panic attack. 

Perceptiveness:

Singrid: Sensitive, painfully sensitive, so sensitive she becomes overwhelmed in large gatherings. Is one of the few people who can really understand Ruffik’s emotions at any given time and could be mistaken for a mind reader when it comes to people she’s close to. 

Grunt: Despite her attempt at an aloof bounty huntress persona, the Grunt is mostly in wilful denial. She knows whats going on, why it’s going on, and how things will probably end. She’s very bad at pretending not to care. 

Algor: His time outside the Far Marina Base has taken him from clueless hermit to what is average teenage boy. He still doesnt understand girls, though. 

Poom: Absolute dogshit at reading social signals, to the point of being near debilitating. His friends have to intervene to keep him from being beaten up half the time. 

Readability:

Singrid: There are two Singrids: The one who is comfortable and knows the people in the room, and the Singrid who is in public and trying to keep from crying. You wouldnt expect the firey young norn from the FMB to wilt so easily in a crowd, and you’d be wrong. 

Grunt: Any attempts to hide her emotions are humorously in vain. Its lucky her partner, krewemate, and totally-not-boyfriend is painfully dense. 

Algor: Can put up a pretty convincing stoic front. It’s when he opens his mouth the youthful bravado comes spilling out. 

Poom: His high anxiety and odd mannerisms make him an open book. An open book in a language you cant read, but nonetheless open. 

Introvert/Extrovert:

Self explanatory

Sexuality:

Singrid: Straight

Grunt: Straight

Algor: Bisexual 

Poom: Pansexual with a male preference

Romanticism: 

Singrid: Straight, Monogamous 

Grunt: Straight, Monogamous

Algor: Biromantic, Open to Polyamory

Poom: Panromantic with a male preference, Monogamous

Romantic:

Singrid: Has a massive crush on her childhood friend, but he’s painfully oblivious. 

Grunt: Hopelessly in love with her partner, friend, and krewemate, Anakk. Even though they live together, work together, provide each other with emotional support, and sleep together exclusively, they insist they are not in a relationship.

Algor: Would do anything for a partner to share his intellect, but is still too insecure to ask anyone out. There’s also the size factor- none of the other apprentices so much as reach his knee. That ‘tragedy’ is a bit romantic in its own right- according to him. 

Poom: Is oblivious to romance, and hasnt had the best track record. His last relationship ended in nothing short of catastrophe, he’s still too ashamed to face his ex to stay long in Rata Sum. This has kept him rather guarded when it comes to relationships. 

Affection:

Singrid: Very touchy. Will shamelessly pick up and snuggle anyone she cares about. 

Grunt: Has a pointed distaste for ‘mushy stuff’ and goes out of her way to avoid any intimacy that could be construed as romantic. 

Algor: Mostly only hugs his sister. Was more cuddly as a kid, but since the growth spurt he worries about accidentally crushing people. 

Poom: Has gone three years without touch due to his affliction. Avoids touch like the plague so as not to become overwhelmed. 

Disposition, Outwardly:

Singrid: Whether she’s in full swing or shyly hugging the wall, Singrid comes across as a friendly, if not rough around the edges- young norn. 

Grunt: Affable and friendly until things go wrong. They’re usually going wrong. 

Algor: Knows how to be polite in public. Snarks on occasion. 

Poom: Absolute bastard of a man. You know this. Why even ask. 

Disposition, Inwardly:

Singrid: Pretty neutral on people as a whole. Gets irritated easily, and doesnt have any kind words for people who make her uncomfortable. 

Grunt: Is far more effected by her past than she lets on. The grunt is generally distrustful to strangers and spiteful to those who hurt her- even a little. 

Algor: Has a healthy dollop of teen angst. 

Poom: One of the more kindly people you’ll meet, once you get past his eccentricities. Genuinely doesnt want to upset anyone, and is a die hard pacifist. 

Petty:

Singrid, Grunt, Algor: All petty little drama queens. 

Poom: Will put up with a lot of bullshit, so long as you dont press one of his triggers. Can only really muster the energy to hate one thing at a time. Usually tries to solve ‘misunderstandings’ when they come up. 

Sanity:

Singrid: Crippling social anxiety 

Grunt: PTSD

Algor: He’s fine, honestly. 

Poom: Autism, PTSD, Depression, Social Anxiety, Agoraphobia, probably more. 

Freindliness:

Singrid: She knows who she likes, and isnt particularly eager to make new friends. 

Grunt: Finds it relatively easy to get along with people, especially if theres alcohol involved. She has a strange habit for attracting the affections of much larger and more powerful beings. Anakk, her skyscale Mr. Bastard, and the hulking inquest abomination Brukk, to name a few. 

Algor: Able to chat up strangers so long as he’s not feeling too self-important. He’s growing out of that bit, though. 

Poom: Absolutely desperate for validation. Can and will join a cult if he’s not claimed. 

Stoicism:

Singrid: Will break pretty easily either from her anxiety or by getting too excited about a cool rock. 

Grunt: Attempts are made at stoicism. They are laughable. 

Algor: Is prone to teen melodrama. He’s growing out of it, though. 

Poom: Will go home and cry for stepping on a bug.

Grace:

Singrid: Her training in the harsh Far Marina conditions have made her an adept warrior. 

Grunt: Prone to disaster.

Algor: Is actually quite a talented dancer when no one’s watching. One of the ways he tries to stay in shape between studies. 

Poom: If he’s not knocking something over, he’s putting his foot in his mouth. 

Stubbornness:

Self explanatory

Bravery:

Singrid: Despite her issues with crowds, she’s run after icebrood twice her size with nothing but a dagger. Has wanted to cultivate an epic legend ever since she was a kid. 

Grunt: Complete snivelling coward.

Algor: Will run from conflict as easily as he runs from a spider. 

Poom: An almost destructive lack of self-preservation. 

Loyalty:

Singrid: The few companions she has, she aims to keep. 

Grunt: Wont die for the ship, but will save her favourite pirate. 

Algor: Still has somewhat naive opinions on teamwork in a krewe. It’s almost a good thing he’ll likely never be in one. 

Poom: Not a lot of people understand him, those that try are greatly appreciated. Even people who dont try, he’ll gladly meet half way. Even if you dont even like him at all he’s got your back. Even if you’ve just spit in his mouth he’ll-

Lawfulness:

Singrid: Does what she wants. If that means breaking some heads, she’ll do it. If it means drinking tea and brushing up on her knitting, thats her glitching right!

Grunt: Rules are for people who don’t regularly get hit by lightning. 

Algor: Painfully naive. 

Poom: The rules suck, but he gets in trouble enough as it is without provoking others. 

Attitude:

They’re all edgy assholes lol

Being chronically ill has made me really disgusted or just bitter regarding the body positive movement, EVEN when it's not imbeciles whose body positivity is "everyone is fuckable :D" only.

Like, ok, I don't like how I look from the neck down too much and I'd like some subtle changes on my face, sure, but even if I looked exactly like I want to and were to never visually age, I'd STILL hate my body.

I don't hate my body because I find it ugly, even though I've been There a lot of my life too to the extreme of suicidality over my appearance alone. I hate my body because my body hated ME first, continues to make me miserable, and won't ever stop making me miserable until the day I leave it behind.

And you want me to love it? Fuck, you want to tell me to love it by appealing to me through "accepting" how my body is in its natural form?

It's so obvious body abled people see human bodies as living aesthetics, whether they want to abolish the socio-political implications of that or not. My body in its "natural state" doesn't just LOOK one way or another.

My body in its natural state, which CANNOT BE CHANGED OR IMPROVED since it's a genetic, permanent, cureless illness, AND WILL ONLY GET WORSE, is nothing but pain, pain, pain. Even if I'm yet again ignoring my pain because if I think about it too much I start wanting to die, and that day I feel I look like the goth goddess I've always wanted to be.

You want me to love this disaster of an objectively defective body? That was BORN defective? That's disabled in a way that I'm pretty sure the majority of people who have this can't derive any "pride" from the way I can perfectly be proud of my autism? I want it fixed! I do want my body to be fixed! Call me an eugenics apologist or whatever, I don't give a shit. I WANT MY DEFECTIVE BODY FIXED.

At most we find some affection for our bodies in the sense of caring for them because our bodies are in pain, the same way one takes care of a sick loved one, but that's fucking it. It ruins so many lives. I cannot, will not, I REFUSE to take pride on the torture I've been put through that I never chose.

And you know what? The chronically ill people who, sincerely, bless their beautiful hearts, have managed to love their bodies in the way I described, will be the FIRST to validate and defend the rest of us who do loathe our bodies against people who try to coerce us into performing "positivity" because our "negativity" makes their self-centered abled asses uncomfortable.

It's not just because those other ill people know how difficult it is to love a broken body that can't and won't ever be fixed, but because, even if they do love their own bodies, they don't love their bodies BECAUSE of their illness, but DESPITE their illness, which is not at all how at least I relate to my autism.

This illness hasn't made me strong uwu or resilient uwu or a better person uwu. It's just ruined my fucking life, wasted away my youth, and made me miss out on so many things. It LITERALLY makes me weaker.

Body abled people complain about the solitude of quarantine, the way it's so easy to go insane from the isolation, the boredom, the lack of activity, and from feeling like a prisoner of their own homes. Guess what! That's just how life is for too many chronically ill people, pandemic or no pandemic! It's actually really hard for me to have seen hordes of abled people whine about that without rolling my eyes. Oh, what a tragedy that'll last you tops a couple of years.

My life hasn't changed. I've always been locked down in my room unless it's absolutely necessary for me to leave the house, WHICH I DREAD, not because I wouldn't love to have a life outside these tight 4 walls, but because I know that once I come home, even the few times a year I go out to do something I like, I'll be DESTROYED. I don't know how I ever made it through college.

I've always been on lockdown cracking my brain trying to find ways to entertain myself with whatever the fuck I can make up. Now you guys realize how much creativity that takes, huh? After years of asking us "But what do you even DO at home?" Ah, don't get me started on how it is those days when I'm still so depressingly, suicide-inducingly bored, but I'm also so fatigued I can't even get up to pee, let alone watch TV or YT videos. I have to make up TV shows in my mind in silence as I lay in bed alone and still.

If you ever ask me online to be "proud" not of my achievements themselves, but of all the silent, invisible, delegitimized pain I battled against to get them, that nobody believed me about?

If you're lucky that my chronic fatigue is acting up too much then you'll get blocked immediately and I'll vent post about abled people's stupidity. If I have the energy, you're gonna get told in detail how to eat my whole shit. In the unlikely case that it's offline, I'm just gonna punch you and yes it'll be worth at least a week of my own hand being a skin-bag of tangled bones lol.

Bitch, even the tiny "body neutrality" movement focuses on fucking aesthetics. It's "all bodies should be neutral" which I'd agree with! IF BODIES WEREN'T MORE THAN JUST APPEARANCE. My body isn't "neutral" no matter how it looks, my body is literally my enemy.

My body is a prison I can only escape if I jump from a tall building and OH BOY have I thought about doing that many, many times, crying silently and still in bed, regardless of how well my life is going in EVERY other aspect.

You can just fucking TELL when abled people have never in their lives thought about what existing in a disabled body feels like. They know we exist, but they've never been at least curious of what our bodies feel like. If the disability is INVISIBLE since it's NOT AESTHETICALLY DIFFERENT and they think about bodies as aesthetics (which affects my visibly disabled comrades too and NOT in a good way because disabled people CAN'T WIN) then they don't even think of us as having any real hardships. They LOVE to forget we're suffering.

Fuck you bitches.