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miupow · 2 months

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[duality.] ─── ⋆ h. kai

an unexpected discovery about a friend sends you spiraling-- sure, hueningkai was cute, but he wasn't your type. at least, you thought he wasn't.

✩ pairing. huening kai x fem!reader

✩ words. 10k

✩ warnings. nsfw, mdnfi! smut with plot, f2l, graphic depictions of bdsm/rough sex, hard dom!kai, sub!reader, fem!reader, swearing, explicit language, mentions of alcohol/drinking, jealousy, wingman tyun and roommate yeonjun, gags, blindfolds, bondage, handcuffs, spanking, paddles, protected sex, manhandling, dry humping, sir kink, pet names, praise kink, dirty talk, degradation, degredation/name calling, jake from enhpyen cameo, possible dubcon elements, possessive behavior, nipple play, breath play/choking, cute ending hehe

✩ a/n. here it is!! duality, all three parts put together into one big oneshot!! i've been putting off finishing this fic for the longest time which is so criminal of me i know... i hope this makes up for it ♡ feedback in the forms of comments and reblogs are always appreciated! this is not proofread! please lmk if there are any mistakes!

You don't remember when Friday night get-togethers became "let's all listen to Beomgyu complain" get-togethers, but you could hardly complain-- hearing about your friend's failed attempts at wooing his coworker made you feel infinitely better about your own love life.

"I just don't get it," Beomgyu sighs deeply, swishing his beer around like he was debating on some deep philisophical theory. He was squished into the side of Taehyun's too-small couch, legs hanging off of the armrest and head awkwardly lying on Soobin's broad shoulder. "I'm hilarious and I'm smoking hot-- why is it so hard for me to find a girlfriend?!"

"That's because you're a loser." Your roommate, Yeonjun snorted. He was splayed out on the other end of the couch, effortlessly beating Soobin, Beomgyu and Hueningkai in Mario Kart, legs manspread so wide Taehyun (who was squished against Soobin's other side) looked about ready to hit him.

"I don't know, have you tried asking her out instead of following her around like a creep? She probably thinks you're stalking her." Taehyun snickered, very engrossed in his phone. You could see him trying to close Yeonjun's legs with his knee. It was not working.

"Also, you have no game." Soobin added, tonguing the inside of his cheek as he concentrated on the game. You were fairly sure part of the reason why he was losing so badly was because both of his arms were constricted to his sides. "Absolutely zero rizz, dude."

"Zero rizz," Hueningkai echoed with a giggle. Forever the smart and resourceful one, he chose to sit cross-legged on the carpet instead of squeezing himself on the couch-- you followed suit, not wanting to be in a sweaty sandwich with your roommate and his buddies. "I bet you haven't even said a word to her."

you sat with Kai near Yeonjun's legs, head propped up on the front of the couch as you snacked on popcorn. Hueningkai successfuly threw a blue shell at Yeonjun's kart-- your roommate's legs kicked out sharply, almost hitting you square in the head, and he let out a sharp "FUCK!"

"I have!" Beomgyu defended, sounding very much like a petulant child. "I talk to her all of the time! I asked her for her number, I made her a spotify playlist, I walk her to her car every night after our shifts--"

"None of that is asking her out though, hyung." Taehyun still hasn't looked up from his phone. "Did she give you her number?"

"No!" Beomgyu whined loudly, making everyone wince. "She said I haven't earned it yet!"

"It sounds like she's playing hard to get, maybe? Girls like it when guys pine." You supply, talking instead of listening for the first time in a while. You loved Beomgyu like a brother, and while it was funny to listen to his failed flirting you did want him to actually, you know, be happy. Plus he seemed to care about this girl beyond what her cupsize was, which was a pretty big deal for Beomgyu.

"More like she wants him to leave her alone." Hueningkai snickered back. “Hyung, I’ve not seen you this down bad since, like, grade school.”

“At least he’s not filling us in on his latest hookup,” Soobin shrugged, or at least tried to-- Beomgyu was now purposefully sitting on him. “Beomgyu might be a simp but I honestly see this as an improvement.”

“I’m not a fucking simp!” Beomgyu squawked, feigning hitting Soobin over the head with his controller. “I at least get more pussy than you losers— when was the last time Kai managed to bag a girl without her running away screaming first?”

The boys all laughed-- even Taehyun, which was weird--as if Beomgyu had made a joke that made sense. Kai? Scaring away girls? You’ve known him for years now, him being Yeonjun's friend and all, and while you didn't know him inside and out you were fairly sure he still slept with stuffed animals. Jesus, last time you had come over his only priority was showing off his Gundam.

“I think Kai would be the one running away screaming, honestly,” you laugh, expecting the others to follow, but you were quickly met with awkward silence. The boys all looked at you oddly, especially Beomgyu, who looked both deeply betrayed and like he had just gained some arcane secret. “…What? This is Huening we’re talking about, come on.”

“Yeah, Huening.” Beomgyu started, looking at you like you had grown an extra head. “It's always over when he starts going Fifty Shades on them."

"He starts going what?!" You sat up very suddenly, whipping your head around to stare at Hueningkai incredulously-- he was refusing to look at you, starting very intently at the TV screen, even though the game had ended minutes ago. The tips of his ears were cherry red. "You start going what?!"

"Oh my God, she doesn't know!" Yeonjun cackled madly, turning to look incredulously at Taehyun, who looked back with a wild grin. "She doesn't know!"

"I don't know what?" You felt a little betrayed by Taehyun, you had to be honest-- if anyone would have kept their head on, it would have been him. "Kai, what are they talking about?"

Kai was still refusing to make eye contact with you, instead glaring sharp daggers at his friends-- he genuinely looked angry, which was an emotion you weren't used to seeing on Hueningkai. "Don't worry about it, they're being dicks--"

"Hueningie likes to beat girls!" Beomgyu sang, his cute corner dimples popping out in his delighted, evil smile and making him look absolutely devilish. "He likes to treat girls like sluts!"

Kai was very very silent and worryingly still, nearly burning holes in the carpet with his stare. You furrowed your brow, blanched— that wasn’t the reaction you were expecting from him at all.

"There's no way you have no idea, Y/N, I mean-- you're joking, right? You've known him for forever now." Soobin cut in, looking genuinely confused.

"You've been in his room! Like, a thousand times!" Yeonjun laughed. "He's so fucking bad about putting all of his gross shit away-- once I saw handcuffs still attached to the headboard!"

You blinked.

This had to be some sort of joke. They were fucking with you, they had to be. "Are you trying to tell me that Hueningkai, OUR Hueningkai, is-- no he's not?! Have you met him? He collects Squishmallows!"

"You haven't looked under his bed yet, then." Taehyun snickered, once again on his phone-- you spluttered, both at his words and his nonchalance. Kai was still eerily silent.

"You've got to be joking. This is a joke. I don't think Kai's seen a pair of boobs in his life--"

"I’m not a virgin, you know." Hueningkai muttered stiffly, looking at you for the first time in a while. The residual anger he had for his friends lingered on his blushing, usually lax face, staring you down with an intensity you didn't think he could muster-- your stomach flipped hard, nearly having you recoil under his stare.

It took you an embarrassing second to register what he even said. "Oh. Um--"

"I'm not some fucking loser." Hueningkai repeated, voice calm but deep, deep dark, and it hit you quite suddenly that he was actually upset with you, not his friends. You had never heard Kai swear before. "Is it really that hard for you to believe? You don't know me.“

“Um, I—“ you spluttered, opening and closing your mouth like a fish.

“It’s like you think I'm some spineless, bitchless nerd or something-- it pisses me off, honestly, and I'm getting really fucking sick of it."

You were unable to choke out any words at all as Hueningkai pulled himself up sharply from the floor and stomped away into his room-- It was awkwardly silent for a few deeply conflicting moments, but Beomgyu was quick to pick back up the laughter.

"Someone's mad! Better watch out, Y/N, Hueningie might punish you for that!"

“Are you a slut?” Hueningkai hisses, big hand palming your bare ass– you whimper around your gag, tug at the restraints that bind your arms behind your back. “Is that what you are? All you can think about is getting cock, huh?”

Tears were starting to soak the silk of your blindfold, sticking wet and cold to your skin– you had never felt this raw and desperate in your life. “No!” you try to say, but it comes out a muffled whine.

Huening leans in close, hot breath caressing your ear, fabric of his shirt ghosting your back; his grip on your asscheek tightens, fingers digging into the flesh. “I’m sorry baby, didn’t hear you. What was that?”

“I’m not a slut!” you try again, shaking your head wildly, slurred words incomprehensible– drool ran down your chin and neck, dripped onto the bedsheets beneath you, and moving your mouth to speak only made more spill out. You felt disgusting, pathetic, humliated beyond belief… and your wet cunt ached.

“No?” Kai coos, the palm gripping your ass trailing down between your thighs. His fingertips brushed softly against your fluttering folds– the first real touch to your neglected pussy. You sob around the gag. It was nowhere near enough. “Then why are you so wet right now? I’ve barely touched you and you’re soaked. You want me to fuck you that bad, huh baby?”

And you wake up before you can answer.

“This is about Huening, isn’t it.” Taehyun states plainly when he answers your call. For a split second, you wished he was less reliable about picking up the phone.

“I haven’t even said anything,” you whine, a little petulant even to your own ears. Taehyun had always been able to read you like a book, read everyone like a book, and it never failed to piss you off and embarrass you.

“You never call me unless it’s about your problems.”

Oh. Well. You suppose that’s true. He was just such a great listener.

“He’s not a problem, I’m just– is he in the room with you right now?”

You can hear Taehyun’s eyeroll reverberate through his sigh. “He’s at class. If you’re calling to apologize, I can leave a message.”

You scoff. “Apologize for what?! I didn’t do anything!”

“I think you hurt his feelings. He hasn’t left his room all week except to go to his classes.” Taehyun sounded more amused than anything else. “You should at least tell him you’re sorry for emasculating him.”

“Emasculating him?!” And this was why you didn’t go to Taehyun when it came to problems involving his own friends. “He’s the one being a big baby about it! How was I supposed to know you guys weren’t joking? Why didn’t you tell me anything?”

“Tell you what, that Kai’s a freak? We thought you knew. Plus, it’s not like it’s even that big of a deal. You’re both just being weird about it.”

“I’m not being weird about it!” You retort. “I’m just, like– how long have you known?”

Taehyun was quiet for a very long, uncomfortable moment. “Y/N, if you’re about to quiz me on my roommate’s sex life, I will hang up on you.”

“I’m not, I’m not!” You’re glad you’re curled up in bed and not out in public; you’d hate anyone to see you this flustered just over the phone. “I’m just confused on how it was apparently ’so obvious’ and I completely missed it.”

“That’s because he’d been trying to hide it from you. He’s just been doing a shit job– thought you figured it out anyway.”

You blink. “He’s… what? Why?”

Taehyun makes a noise like he’s sucking at his teeth, staticky over the phone. You briefly wonder if he’s actually going to hang up on you. “I promised Kai I wouldn’t tell you this.”

“Tell me what?!” You press with a hiss, grasping your phone harder in your hand– you were getting really sick and tired of everyone beating around the bush with you, like you hadn’t already learned more about Kai in the last few days than you had in the last few years. “Tyun, if it involves me, I think I deserve to know.”

Taehyun hesitates for a moment before letting out a defeated sigh, deep and weighted like some veteran soldier. You want to laugh, really, but you’re too on edge to do much more than hang onto every word Taehyun says. “Kai’s gonna kill me for this.”

“I don’t care. Spill.”

“He’s… interested in you. Has been since he met you, I think. He was playing up that annoying good boy act ‘cos he didn’t want to ’scare you away.’”

You let out a breath like it had been knocked out of you with a fist, head spinning wildly. Kai was always so sweet and polite, got you gifts, made sure you always felt appreciated and included… but he had never given you the impression that he was into you. He was just like that with everyone.

But now that you thought about it…

Those smiles he seemed to save just for you, adorable and ecstatic like you had completed some insurmountable task for him instead of just getting him a candy bar or a glass of water, the gentlest ’thank you so much'es that made your tummy flip in the best way. Pretty brown eyes wide and sparkling every time he looked at you– he would always furiously turn away like he didn’t want you to catch him staring.

You caught him staring quite a lot. You always assumed you must have had something on your face.

Sweet Hyuka who told you you looked pretty even when you knew you didn’t, stepping into his and Taehyun’s apartment in pajamas because Yeonjun hadn’t told you it was movie night until he was getting ready to leave. Hyuka who would give up his seat so you could sit on the couch. Hyuka who was always the first to stand up for you if one of the other boys made a snide joke in your expense. Hyuka who hugged you first before he addressed anyone else. Hyuka who would sometimes only come out of his room if he was told that you were there. You always thought that Hyuka was a great friend.

Suddenly, the other night made a lot more sense. Just as suddenly, you also felt very, very guilty.

“Oh.” You whisper into the phone, because it had hit you that you hadn’t said anything for quite some time.

“Yeah, 'oh.’ Now he thinks you think he’s a gross pervert.” Taehyun snickers. He’s enjoying your plight far too much.

“I don’t think that.” you retort softly, a little sad.

“You should tell him that, not me.”

“How am I supposed to tell him anything if he won’t pick up the phone?!”

Taehyun’s quiet again, like he’s thinking. “Listen, Yeonjun’s taking us out for drinks Friday to celebrate Kai passing his midterms. I think he’s trying to cheer him up. Ask him to come with; you can talk to Kai then.”

“…Would Kai even want me there?” You ask.

“Probably not, to be honest. Doesn’t matter though, he’s not the one paying, he can go cry about it. Plus, I think hyung was gonna bring you anyway– he thinks this entire thing is hilarious.”

You hesitate for a moment. Not only foes this have bad idea written all over it, you also don’t have anything to wear. “Promise you’ll get me out of there if things get nasty?”

“How would things get nasty?” Taehyun laughs. “The most Kai would do is whine that he wants to go home.”

You should have stayed home.

Taehyun was right– when you brought up the club to Yeonjun, he had enthusiastically mentioned that he was, in fact, going to ask you to come with, and that he was very happy to hear you agree to go. Maybe that should have been your warning.

Huening hadn’t so much as looked to you the entire night. You spotted him immediately when you had stepped into the building, platinum blond hair and an oversized grey hoodie tucked awkwardly into a corner booth, big frame shrunk in on itself like he was trying to come off as small as he possibly could. You felt bad for him, really, watching him stare surly into the same drink he had been nursing the entire night– Kai hates clubs, yet the other boys kept insisting on celebrating with drinks and dancing instead of something Kai would actually enjoy, like a movie. You’re fairly sure Kai was already aware that the night wasn’t really about him and his test scores.

On top of the awkward atmosphere, you feel naked in this dress. You borrowed it from a friend, since you had nothing nice to wear— it was cute, but backless and low cut, and not to mention about two sizes too small. You were afraid to take large breaths, lest your breasts fall out of the top entirely.

You think you caught Huening staring from the booth as you sat at the bar with Yeonjun, but it might just have been wishful thinking.

“Just go up and talk to him,” Yeonjun suggests between swigs of his beer. He keeps looking over his shoulder at the dancefloor like he’s hunting for something— most likely a girl to take home with him.

“And what, grovel for his forgiveness? He looks like he wants to kill me.” you grumble around your own glass, half-hoping the liquor would at least spark some confidence. You felt the opposite of confident, in your stupid tight dress, scared of approaching a boy that professed his undying love for Molang on the daily.

“Maybe he just wants to fuck you. You look hot.” Yeonjun snickers, glancing quickly over at Kai’s booth— from the annoying grin on his face, you can only assume Huening is looking your way. “Go over there and tell him you’ll suck his dick if he’ll forgive you.”

“You’re gross.”

“You love me.” Yeonjun sneaks another look at the dancefloor; it seems he’s locked in on a target. “Gotta bounce. Yell if you need me to come and save you.”

“I don’t want your saving,” you retort snidely as he slid his way through the crowd.

You didn’t have any time to relish in your solitude, barely able to even take another sad sip of your cocktail— an unfamiliar body fills Yeonjun’s empty barstool in what felt like an instant, big mouth grinning like he’d been waiting for a while.

You suppose the eyes that you had felt on you hadn’t been Kai’s after all. Yeonjun’s grins could be decieving.

He orders a beer from the bartender, pretty yet odd accent slurring his words— you weren’t sure where it was from, but you sure did like it. “And another of whatever she’s drinking.” he adds, shooting a grin your way.

“Oh no, I’m alright—” you attempt to shut him down, but your voice wavers. He waves you off with a sweet laugh.

“It’s on me, baby. You look like you need it.”

You laugh nervously. You weren’t sure if that was supposed to be a diss or not, even including the petname. “Oh, do I?”

“You look stressed. Something got you down?”

You’re not sure how to respond to that. You’re not sure how to respond to any of this, really. Flirting wasn’t really your forte. “Just a little.”

The bartender puts down both of your drinks at once— your handsome new friend pushes yours your way, and you take it gratefully. This isn’t exactly how you wanted your night to go, but this man was hot, free drinks were free drinks, and maybe going home with someone new was a better outcome for your night than moping around alone and having to listen to your roommate get his dick wet. “Did some asshole abandon you over here? You’re far too pretty to be sitting here all sad and alone.” Your stranger croons, eyes heavy as they rake down your body, take in your dress. You squirm under his gaze. “My name’s Jake. What’s yours?”

“Y/N.” You don’t bother addressing his earlier comment; the idea of talking about your boy problems to this very handsome boy made your skin crawl. “I like your accent, where are you from?”

“Brisbane.” Jake gave you another pretty, blinding grin. He had a very big mouth with very white teeth.

“…Pardon?”

“Australia.” Jake laughs. “I’m an Aussie. I was born here though.”

“Oh, I see! Are you here just to visit or do you live here? I mean, if you don’t mind me asking, of course—“

“No worries, pretty girl.” He needed to stop with the petnames before you climbed him like a tree. “I live here for right now. Do you want another one of those?”

“Hm?” You looked down at your glass. You hadn’t even noticed that it was empty, just mindlessly holding it up against your lips while you latched on to every word Jake said. “Oh! Um. I’m okay, thank you!”

Jake seems displeased with your answer. You wonder briefly if he was just trying to get you drunk. It was working. “You sure? You’re still lookin’ a little sad there, baby.”

“I’m–”

“She said she’s fine.”

A big hand grabs your arm without much warning, making you squeak out loud— you whip your head back fast, ready to fight, but quickly freeze at the sight of Huening towering over you with a dark but unreadable expression. His grip was bordering on painful.

“Excuse me?” Jake retorts, face screwed up in irritation and clearly unwilling to back down from a challenge. “You know this guy?”

Unfortunately, you did. “Kai—“ you start, but quickly clam up; Kai shoots you a look you’ve never seen from him before, dark and feral. It twists hot in your belly just as much as it scares you.

“She’s done. We’re leaving.” Kai hisses dangerously near your ear, loud enough for Jake to hear. You’re too shocked to respond.

“Hey, what the hell’s your problem, man?” Jake’s griping, but it’s not doing much good— Kai tugs you up out of your seat and drags you by the wrist through the crowds and out of the back door of the club. You want to fight him, yell and kick and scream, but all you can manage is to stare incredulously at the back of his head. He hardly gave you the leeway to grab your purse. Or pay your tab.

“Kai, what the—“ He pushes you hard against the brick wall of the club, presses himself flush against your back— you can feel the stiff bulge of his hard cock against your ass, his hot breath fan across your neck in jagged, heavy breaths.

“You think this is fucking funny, Y/N?” he snarls, deep and nasty. His hands press yours against the brick, keeping you still against both him and the wall. “Are you trying to piss me off? Show up dressed like a slut, whore yourself out right in front of me?”

You can only get yourself to let out a strangled squeak, all too distracted by the swell of Kai’s cock, the heat of his body against yours. Was this really happening?

“C’mon, say something.” Kai goads, rolling his hips. it takes everything in you not to moan. “Why are you being such a whore, Y/N?”

“You’re hard…” You whimper.

“I’m hard?” Kai echoes, sneers meanly. “Fuck yes I’m hard. I’m hard ‘cos you look so fucking sexy in this dress, I love your body; God, did you wear this for me?”

You’d been telling yourself you didn’t, but you did. You absolutely did. “Uh huh…”

“Dressed up all pretty for me yet you’re letting other men call you baby? Sounds like you just want me to punish you. Is that what you want? For me to punish you?” Kai’s hands let go of yours to grab at your hips, guiding you to buck up harder against him. “You know, I thought you couldn’t take it. Thought you wouldn’t be able to handle me. But now I think you deserve to be put in your place, don’t you?”

“Kai…” You croak weakly, keen high in your throat when Kai grinds hard right against your clothed slit, nestles his head in your neck to mouth hotly at your skin.

“Fuck you’re wet, I can feel it. Say it. say you want me to ruin you.”

He’s right; your pussy’s dripping. You’ve never felt this needy before in your life, and Kai hasn’t even touched you. You can’t help but be a little afraid for when he does.

Your mind flashes back to your dreams, vivid scenes of being underneath Huening as he tore you apart completely, made you feel raw and alive in ways you didn’t think you ever could. You craved to feel even just a fraction of what you did in your dreams, finally make them a reality.

You needed him.

“Ruin me, Kai, please.” you beg, and you meant it.

“Good girl, fuck.” Huening curses hot under his breath, pulls himself away from you— you whine out at the loss, and Huening gives your ass a surprise slap in retaliation. You bite your lip to keep from shrieking. “Fuck, okay, we’re doing this. 7’oclock Monday, okay? My place; Taehyun won’t be home. We’ll have time to talk it out before. Don’t be late.”

And with that, Kai once again stalks away, heads back inside the club with his hands in his pockets and head held high like he wasn’t just grinding against you moments before. You’re plastered against the wall, dress ridden up your ass, sweaty and hot and so wet it’s starting to drip down your thighs.

You’re not sure if you’re going to be able to make it to Monday.

“7 o'clock Monday, okay? Don’t be late.”

Monday came far too fast. Despite having the entire weekend to yourself you felt as though you had been given no time to prepare; you spent three days pacing your and Yeonjun’s apartment, unable to do anything except think about Hueningkai’s words, his voice, his hands hot and burning, branding on your skin… you were haunted, ruminating endlessly about what he was going to do to you, what his plans were once he had you all alone and to himself. How far he would push you. If he would take you all the way to the edge. If he would stop if you told him it was too much. If you truly trusted him as much as you thought you did. If all of this was really just some strange, one-off situationship between two good friends, or if there were feelings you weren’t ready to address hidden somewhere just under the surface.

Was this just sex?

Yeonjun kept asking you if you were okay, brow furrowed as he watched you worry yourself half to death, and you didn’t know how to respond.

The dreams you had been having had only gotten worse, more visceral. They frightened you, almost, from the intensity of them, but in the same vein you had never felt this needy in your entire life. You needed to feel Kai’s touch on you again like you needed air.

The falling snow nipped at your bare legs as you shuffled nervously in front of Hueningkai’s apartment door. You certainly hadn’t dressed for the weather– hidden behind your knee-length coat, you wore your tiniest skirt and your tightest top, low cut with your cleavage spilling out of your push-up bra. You wrapped your arms tighter around yourself, buried your burning face deeper into the lapels of your coat as the icy cold wind picked up in a dizzying, biting flurry– you’ve never dressed up for a hookup before, and you hoped it wasn’t obvious… would Hueningkai even notice? Could you even call this a hookup to begin with? The entire situation was so incredibly alien and unlike you in every way that it left a bad taste in your mouth, one you mulled over as you stared daggers at his door. You couldn’t bring yourself to knock on it.

Luckily, you didn’t have to. Taehyun tore the door open for you right as you gathered the courage to raise your fist.

You shrieked at your friend’s sudden appearance, grabbed desperately at your coat like it was a lifeline– Kai had told you that he wouldn’t be home, told you that the coast was completely clear for you to waltz in– that was the only reason you had agreed to come over anyway. You had to save yourself from the potential humiliation of facing Taehyun again after Friday, especially looking like this, yet there he stood, eyeing you up and down as he shrugged his jacket on.

“Wha– Why are you here!?” you demand, wrapping your coat tighter around yourself. Taehyun gives you an odd look.

“I live here.” He answers flatly. “I was just about to leave, actually. What are you doing here?”

You open your mouth to answer, but Taehyun cuts you off. His eyes trail from your glossy lips down to your bare legs, grimace on his face that would have offended you in some other circumstance. “Actually, don’t answer that. Kai’s in his bedroom. I’m going out, I don’t wanna be here for this– use a condom at least, will you?”

Without waiting for your reply, Taehyun quickly side steps your shivering frame to trudge off through the snow. He gives you a limp and unenthusiastic wave goodbye without bothering to look back– if he had, he would have seen you gape and splutter at his retreating back like a landlocked fish.

The door was left wide open for you to enter; all of the lights were off inside, dark and empty except for the cracks underneath Hueningkai’s door, all the way down the hallway– you felt taunted by it, frigid and terrified like something unexpected would jump up at you as you stepped inside and locked the door behind you. You’ve felt less dread walking through haunted houses.

Tentatively, you make your way down the hallway, the apartment unsettlingly quiet as you reach Kai’s bedroom door and fumble with the doorknob– it was unlocked, much to your surprise, and slowly you cracked it open and slipped inside.

Hueningkai’s room was dark except for the light of his console, illuminating your friend’s outline as he played some video game you didn’t recognize; he slouched in his gaming chair with his back turned to you, volume turned up so high in his headphones that you could hear the muffled gunshots all the way from the doorway– he clearly had no idea that you were standing right behind him, so engrossed in the game blown up on his screen.

“Kai?” you called out quietly, too nervous to raise your voice. Huening continued to click away at his mouse and keyboard, and you stared awkwardly at the back of his head.

You double-checked the time on your phone; you had shown up exactly when he had told you to. There’s no way he had forgotten about Friday… was there?

“Kai.” you called again, this time a little louder. Kai still did not acknowledge you in the slightest.

Frowning, you step over to his side, tap gingerly at his shoulder, and Kai reacts instantly— he jumps up out of his chair with a deafening shriek, sends his headphones flying as he whips his head around in terror to face you… it takes him a second to recognize your face, but his face floods with color once he does.

“Holy– Oh, (Y/N), Oh my God!” he whines, clutching his chest. Even his ears are red, you notice when he bends over to pick up his headphones up off of the floor, and you giggle to yourself as he turns back around to give you a startled, puppy-eyed look. “You scared the shit out of me!”

“I’m sorry,” you reply, trying your very hardest not to laugh in his face. You’ve never seen him this embarrassed before, avoiding your eyes with puffed-out cheeks and a pink face; it was a cute look on him. “I thought you knew I was coming.”

“Well..” he cringes, fiddling with the headphones still in his hands. His face looked even redder. “I… I kind of thought you weren’t going to.”

“Why wouldn’t I come? I told you I’d be here.” you ask, cock your head at him, watch as he turns his console off and places his headphones down on his desk. He seemed nervous and disoriented, like he really wasn’t prepared for any of what he had talked about salaciously into your ear Friday night; you felt silly, suddenly, dressed up and standing expectantly in his bedroom. Maybe you shouldn’t have taken him so seriously. This didn’t seem at all like the man who had you pinned against a brick wall and begging for it just a few nights ago, and instead much more like the shy and gentle Hueningkai you knew much, much better.

“I thought I scared you..” Kai admits with a fake, humorless laugh, his wobbly smile quickly folding down into a grimace as he sinks further into his chair. “This is usually the part where I scare people. They were only half-joking about the whole ‘running away screaming’ thing, you know.”

Your own frown deepens, unsure of what to do or what to say as you watch him pick at his sweatpants, continue to refuse to look you in the eye as he rocks himself back and forth with the swivel of his chair. “I mean, I’m not angry about it, obviously.” he continued, fluffy blond bangs hanging over his face as he stared at the floor. “That would be stupid. A lot of people don’t like this stuff, and that’s fine. I don’t want to force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. It’s okay if I scared you, it really is. I’m sorry I came on so strong Friday, it was a bad idea and I shouldn’t have done it and I was drunk–”

Kai looks up at you for the first time in a while, big brown eyes watery behind his bangs and breaking your heart– he looked so truly guilty, like he had been beating himself up over this for days. Like he had spent the entire weekend pacing and tearing himself to shreds just as you had. You wish he had said something sooner, so you could have told him earlier that he didn’t do anything that you didn’t like, that he startled you but in a way that awakened something in you that you didn’t even know that you had. You wish you had the courage to tell him that he could have done whatever he wanted that night and you would have let him, because while this new side to him made you nervous it didn’t scare you. Hueningkai could never scare you.

It hits you then that there really wasn’t another secret, darker alter to Hueningkai, some frightening Jekyll and Hyde dynamic that your friends had placed into your head. Kai was always Kai, your sweet, perfect, nervous, nerdy, awkward Kai, even when he was saying the nastiest things you had ever heard in your life, and you felt very terrible very suddenly that you had ever doubted your trust in him.

“You don’t scare me, Kai.” You say simply, because you couldn’t get yourself to say anything else. The genuinely shocked look on Kai’s face at your words makes your chest ache.

“Really?” He asks just above a whisper. “I didn’t scare you?”

“No, I… I liked it.” You admit, face heating up. “I liked it, and I want more.”

Kai’s big puppy eyes change in an instant; suddenly he was gazing up at you like a predator, big brown eyes slanted and dark, dripping with a hunger you were frighteningly unfamiliar with. The sudden shift takes you by surprise, ignites a delicious fire in your belly. “Okay then.” Kai says slowly, taking his time easing out of his chair. You don’t miss the big, dizzying bulge in his sweats when he stands up. “Then let’s talk.”

He sits you down on his bed and sits next to you, though a good distance away– you could feel every single inch as Kai nibbles at his lip and bites at his nails, shuffles his feet and looks up at you coyly. “Before we do anything, I just want to hear about your boundaries… is that okay? I don’t want anything to happen that you don’t like. The last thing I want to do is to make you uncomfortable or hurt you..”

You’re touched, oddly enough, though you’re already jittery and way in over your head– with a quizzical little giggle you ask, “What do you mean by boundaries?”

“Like your hard limits, your soft limits.” Kai explains gently, moving to rest his big hand on the mattress between you. You stare at his long, thick fingers a few beats longer than you meant to. “Things you don’t want me to do to you. Let me know about what to stay away from so this can be enjoyable for both of us.”

You were in no way prepared for this line of questioning; you squirm around in your big coat, cheeks heating up– you were starting to sound like the virgin. “I, um… I don’t really know… I’ve never really done anything like this before– but I want to try it. With you.”

Kai lets out a deep sigh, that hand on the bed raising to push his bangs back from his eyes– pretty brown pupils dark and dripping with honey, such a startling juxtaposition from the sweet soft smile on his plush lips. You stare at him, mesmerized. “Thank you for trusting me to be your first, then.” he says lowly and surprisingly sincere, pink tongue darting out to lick at his thick bottom lip. “If there’s ever a point where you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, don’t be afraid to tell me, okay? I promise I’ll stop immediately.”

“Okay…” you nod. Your anxiety was diminishing by the minute, being replaced with a tranquil sense of trust– you were certain that only Kai could ever make you feel this safe.

“For boundaries, just follow my lead.” Kai continues. “I’ll list something, and you tell me if you’re okay with it or not, okay?”

“Okay.” you say again, more confidently. Kai grins.

“Good girl. Just say yes or no, okay?”

Good girl, said so flippantly like he did at the bar. You shiver, electrified– you can still feel Kai’s hot breath panting in your ear when he called you that Friday night, that hard thick bulge in his pants you’ve been trying desperately not to look at pushing hard against your ass, teasing you maddingly…

“(Y/N)?” Kai asks softly, sending you reeling back to the present. “Is that okay?”

“Yes! I mean yes, yes that’s okay…”

Kai giggles, eyes scrunching up in that way you adore so much. “Alright then. Can I hit you?”

Oh.

You blink hard, hesitate for a moment. “Hit... me? … Where?”

“Wherever you’d like.” Kai answers with the sweetest and most innocent of smiles. Only his bright red cheeks are giving him away. “I can spank you, if you want. I can slap you. Your face, your tits. Your.. your pussy even, if you’d let me.”

Once again you’re pulled away from reality, flooded with memories all at once from your salacious dreams; being spanked for misbehaving, Huening’s big strong hands ruthless on your soft skin. How it hurt but how you loved it, craved and begged for more… “You can spank me.” You finally get out after a while. “You can spank my p-pussy too… just please be gentle. And I don’t want to be hit anywhere else.”

“That’s perfectly fine, angel. I’ll be gentle, I promise.” Kai soothes in a deep croon, mixing deliciously and dizzyingly with the new pet name and making you rub your thighs together– you can tell that he noticed from the wolfish way that his toothy grin widens. “Do you want me to just use my hand or can I use a toy to spank you?”

The simple idea of being spanked with something other than a hand is enough to make you squirm and hide your face; it was something you had never even thought about before, but now… “You can do both..” you mumble quietly, too embarrassed to meet Kai’s gaze. He gives you an approving hum.

“Can I choke you?”

“Yes.” you answer with little hesitation, taking another quick glance at Kai’s fingers, now pulling at the hem of his hoodie. Kai lets out a huffy ‘oh’ like he had been hit hard in the chest, lost his breath. You can feel the hunger in his stare as it washes over you, the way he undresses you with his eyes– it’s already overwhelming and he hasn’t even touched you yet.

“Can I tie you up?” Kai continues heavily, deep voice a few octaves lower. You bite your lip to keep from whimpering.

“Yes.”

“Can I pull your hair?” he moves his arm like he was placing his hand back on the bed, but instead firmly grabs your upper thigh– he pushes your coat aside with his thumb so he can caress at your bare skin, and the teasing touch is more than enough to make your voice shake.

“Y-yes.”

“Call you names? Be mean?” His fingers dig into the fat of your inner thigh.

“Yes, yes please..”

The bulge in Kai’s sweats was obscene, straining hard against the fabric as he stroked your thigh, used his free hand to tilt your chin up to meet his eyes; the way he looked at you was bordering on predatory, like he was going to eat you, so dirty and different than any look he had given you before… your pussy throbs when his thumb brushes softly across your bottom lip. “Oh princess…” Kai coos, sugary sweet, “What am I going to do with you?”

“What are you going to do with me?” you echo timidly, still meek even as you place your hand on his chest.

Kai’s grin turns practically evil, hand brushing higher and higher up your thigh. “I think you deserve a punishment for your behavior Friday, don’t you? Acting so bratty, dressed like a slut…”

The pad of his finger slips under your skirt to ghost over the soaked front of your panties. Your thighs clench hard, trapping his hand between them, and the hand you had placed on his chest grabs a fistfull of his hoodie. “Punish me,” you beg, meek and pathetic; Kai stares at you in what almost seems like disbelief.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks after taking a moment to study your face.

“Yes, please.” you answer, already leaning in to bridge the gap.

Kai kisses you so passionately it takes your breath away, his hands coming to cup your face and grab your hips as he pries your lips apart with his tongue, demanding his way inside. Your hands paw uselessly at his shoulders and neck, Kai swallowing your sweet little whimpers up greedily as he pulls you up onto his lap and tugs at your coat. He only pulls away when you’re both dizzy and begging for air. “God, I’ve wanted to do that for fucking ever…” Kai whispers against your lips, his deep giggle making your legs twitch and tighten around his trim waist– the confession hung heavy in the air, it weighs down your shoulders as you drop your arms to let him peel off your coat and throw it down onto the floor. Words get stuck in your throat as you scramble for something to say… Kai steals them from you with ease, big dark eyes marveling at every inch of your exposed skin, his hands cupping at your hips and breasts, ghosts feathered touches up the exposed skin between your itty bitty skirt and top

“Oh baby…” he huffs, honeyed voice labored and panting. “Fuck, look at you.”

“Do you like it?” you ask with a coy smile.

Hueningkai growls in response, flipping you over onto your back on the bed– he holds himself over you with his hands on either side of your head, pretty lips pulled into the most salacious of smirks as his eyes continue to rake down your body. “Kai…” you whimper, the few inches between your faces feeling like miles.

“No, no, don’t call me that, baby,” he coos, “Call me sir, okay?”

“Yes, sir…” you reply in kind, face hot. Kai gives you another quick kiss in appreciation before pulling himself back up and off of the bed. You whimper at the loss but Kai is quick to shush you, big hand coming up to rub soothing circles into your thigh as he rummages around underneath his bed– where he keeps his toys, you remember with a jolt.

“Turn over ‘n arch your back, can you do that for me? Ass up, gotta teach you a lesson.”

You shudder and follow his directions, bury your face into Hueningkai’s sheets as he gathers his things and settles himself back on the bed behind you; you can feel the bed dip from his weight, feel him place a few things down on the bed side the both of you before he runs his hands up your thighs and waist, across your shoulders and down your arms. In one swift motion he grabs your wrists and pulls your arms taut behind your back, binds them in place with the dull click of biting cold metal– he’s handcuffed you, you realize with a sick start. You’re completely at his mercy now.

“Are they too tight?” Kai asks when you test your restraints, tug at them uselessly; they don’t budge an inch, only cut tighter and tighter into the skin of your wrists with every movement. It’s an alien feeling, being bound like this, but you find yourself enjoying it much more than you thought you would, stoking the fire in your belly. You shake your head no.

“Good.” He says, big hands caressing your hips– he uses his thumbs to push your skirt up over your ass, revealing your cute lace panties. Thumb moving down to slide against your soaking wet slit, he coos, “Such a cute little ass, sweetie; can’t wait to see this cunt.”

You whimper and push back against his hand, making Kai chuckle and rub a quick circle at your clit before tugging your panties down to your knees in one swift motion. You gasp at the sudden shock, cold air hitting at your warm wet core.

Kai sighs like he’s relieved. “God, you’ve got the prettiest pussy, princess… I can’t wait to ruin it.” Without warning, he rears his hand back and slaps you, hard, against your panty-clad cunt. The sting is sharp and mind-numbing, making you cry out, but your voice quickly wavers into a low moan; it hurt like hell but you loved it, the tingling in your fevered skin only serving to make you wetter.

Kais hand then moves to cup and squeeze at your asscheek; you can feel your arousal coating his palm, your pussy so wet you’ve drenched it with just a single spank. “Count for me, okay honey?” Kai croons, gentle. “And say ‘thank you sir’ for every one.”

“Yes, sir…” you whimper, fighting the urge to look over your shoulder back at him as he shuffles around behind you, picking up whatever he had placed aside earlier. You hear a soft ‘good girl’ as he settles himself back into place.

Kai rewards your good behavior with your first proper spank, hard and fast and with a wooden paddle instead of his hand— you cry out, even louder and shriller than before, your hands twisting against the handcuffs as you shy away from Kai’s grasp. “One!” you huff out, winded, completely unprepared; Kai tuts, condescending.

“One, what? What did I say you call me? Be a big girl and use your words now.”

“One, thank you sir!” you correct yourself quickly, thighs already quivering.

He spanks you again on the other cheek, this time harder; you shriek at the sharp pain of the paddle, but it quickly morphs into a broken moan. The paddle elicited pain in a way you had never felt before, could hardly describe, the shocking sting reverberating through your entire body and coalescing in your mind, leaving you breathless and unable to focus on anything other than Kai’s big hand running soothingly down the small of your back, the leather of the paddle ghosting over your flushed skin teasingly. “Two, thank you sir!” you whimper.

To your disappointment, Kai only hums. This time he gives you not a second to prepare yourself before the paddle comes down again, catching the meat of your upper thigh. It hurts so bad it makes your eyes water, your mouth stuck open in a drooly, silent scream. Your cunt throbbed. “Tell me you’re a whore.” Kai demands, voice rough and low, sending shivers down your spine.

“I’m a whore.” you stutter out, wobbly voice barely above a whisper.

Two ear-ringing spanks land hard on your bruising ass, one after another on the exact same spot. Kai’s long fingers catching the very top of your inner thigh— you’re unable to control the shrill shriek that erupts from your parted, panting lips, watery with unshed tears. “Louder.” Kai spits, grabbing a tight fistful of your hair. “Let everyone hear what you are.”

“T-three, four! I’m a whore!” you cry out, your head spinning, your thoughts fragmented. You’ve been broken entirely, you fear, somewhere in the back of your mind. Broken and ruined and never the same again. The thought doesn’t scare you as much as you thought it would. “I’m a whore, sir, thank you!”

“Good girl,” Kai coos, a little condescending. He seemed to enjoy watching you break just as much as you enjoyed being broken. “Just one more, okay?”

He caresses your swollen asscheek with a surprising tenderness, thumb rubbing soothing circles across the burning flesh. Your cunt is so wet that rivulets of slick had begun to drip down your thighs, and by the harsh intake of breath you hear behind you you’re sure that Kai has noticed.

You brace for the spank, face buried in Kai’s sheets, but still your body shook with pain and pleasure as he lands it, vicious and aggressive, right over your throbbing cunt. The spank stung like nothing you had ever felt before, harder than the others before it, the pain reverberating through your core and making you hiccup pathetically— you’re floating, your fragmented and silenced thoughts somewhere far away, but the gentle hand on your hip grounds you back into Kai’s sheets, back into the moment as your body aches and yearns for more. “Five!” you finally manage to spit out, your cheeks wet with tears you weren’t aware you had shed. “Thank you, sir!”

Your punishment ends and it’s like a switch flips in Kai; his hands smooth over your hips and thighs, so so gentle in caressing the blistering globes of your ass.”Such a good girl girl, took your punishment so well…” He croons, pressing feather light kisses to your shoulder blades. “Knew you could do it, my perfect girl. So proud. Are you ready for more?”

“Please,” you pant, chest heaving. You hardly recognize your own voice.

Huening’s breath hitches at your answer, his hips stuttering as he presses them up against your ass. The fabric of his pants scratches deliciously against your pussy, the thick shaft of his cock rock hard and straining, slotted perfectly between your quivering folds— your skin tingles from the kiss he presses against the back of your neck, gentle and chaste. “Such a good girl deserves a reward, doesn’t she?” he purrs into your ear, his warm chest molded to your sweaty back. “What do you want, princess?”

“You.” you beg, sob. “You, please, sir.”

Your answer makes Kai growl roughly into your hair, buck his hips quick and desperate against your ass. His white-knuckle grip on your hips makes your head spin, only growing tighter. “Fuck. You want me? Want my cock? Whatever you want, baby, shit.”

The bed creaks when Kai gets off, his deep little chuckle reverberating through your body. Missing his touch, you roll over onto your back to watch him as he digs through his nightstand drawer, the raw skin of your ass stinging when they brush up against his sheets. Kai giggles triumphantly when he finds a condom, quick to tear the foil with his teeth, and the sweet, innocent noise is almost enough of a distraction from his long fingers pulling down his waistband. His cock slaps up against his belly obscenely when fully freed, flushed pink and twitching, flared mushroom tip leaking tantalizing pearls of precum— you bite your lip to hold in your gasp, cunt clenching around nothing at the sight.

“Why are you looking at me like that..?” Kai laughs, his blonde bangs shading his blushing cheeks as he sheepishly lowers his gaze to the ground. It would be like him, you think, to be embarrassed in a moment like this. He looks so sexy you could cry.

“I… I don’t think it’ll fit..” you admit in a whisper, thighs shaking.

“Oh baby,” Kai coos, sugary sweet, that hesitant nervousness melting into something darker, more alluring. You watch him roll the condom over his thick, leaking cock with bated breath and a throbbing core. “I’ll make it fit, don’t worry.

Kai moves too quickly for you to react, grabbing at your ankle and pulling you down the bed with shocking ease— with his other hand he tugs your panties the rest of the way off of your legs, frees your thighs so they can wrap around his trim waist as he brings your hips together in a delicious clash of skin. His cockhead slides up your slit and knocks hard against your swollen and soaking clit when he pries your legs apart over his shoulders, pushes your knees to your chest to spread you out fully for his view. He stares at your throbbing pussy in rapture, wide eyes with blown pupils making you squirm and fight the urge to hide behind your hands.

“God, you’re so wet,” Kai breaths, sliding two fingers between your folds, spreading around the mess of slick— soon he has them pistoning hard in and out of your hole, scissoring them apart and stretching your quivering gummy walls so perfect, rubbing up against all of your neglected sweet spots as you moan Huening’s name. Your pussy gushes with the lewdest wet sounds, nasty enough to make your ears burn. “Wettest cunt I’ve ever seen. Gotta stretch you so I can fit, yeah?”

“Don’t need it!” you gasp, tugging at the handcuffs still keeping your arms snug behind your back. You want more than anything to touch, to guide Kai to where you need him the most. You don’t know how much more teasing you can take. “I don’t need it, just need you… just fuck me!”

Kai pulls his fingers out, leaves your hole gaping and fluttering as he lines his cock up— his cockhead feels impossibly big pushing up against your entrance, so close it’s threatening to slip inside. “Come on, princess,” Kai teases, rolling his hips. “Good whores say please, don’t they?”

“Please!” you beg, desperate and whiny. You’ve never needed a cock this badly in your entire life. “Fuck me, sir, please!”

Kai lets out the prettiest broken moan, sheathing himself inside you in one smooth thrust. He gives you no time to adjust, immediately settling into a punishing rhythm pounding you into the mattress. You’re immediately overwhelmed in the best possible way, your staccato moans echoing off of the walls.

“B-big!” you hiccup, eyes rolling back from the onslaught of pleasure. His thick cock so deep you can feel him in your belly, so stretched out you fear that he would tear you in half, his fat cockhead knocking at your cervix with every thrust and sending wave after wave of euphoria. His intensity leaves you breathless, unable to think or hardly speak, each thrust surrendering you deeper into the throws of submission and desire. “Too big!”

“‘Too big?’” Kai mocks, his hips unrelenting. “Am I too big for your little cunt, baby? After you were begging for my cock like a little slut?”

You can’t reply, can’t do anything other than moan and cry as Kai splits you open. Kai seems to like that quite a bit.

“Being’ fucked so good you can’t speak? Fuck, that’s so hot. You’re so hot. Been wanting this forever, you have no idea—“ Kai’s rambling, pretty face flushed pink and his brown puppy eyes so dark and wild; he seemed completely lost in the feeling of you, so ruthless let unfocused as his hands tug at the hem of your shirt. You had forgotten you were even still wearing it. “You’re mine now, you hear? Pussy’s all mine. Never— fuck, never letting you go.”

He pulls your top up to bunch at your armpits, your plush tits spilling out to meet Kai’s hungry gaze. Your perky nipples harden from the cold air, flushed and begging to be touched; Kai can’t seem to help but stare in rapture as they bounce with each of his thrusts, his tongue falling out of his panting mouth like a hungry dog. “Pretty tits,” he pants, reaching up to gently slap one of your breasts— he groans at the jiggle, the way you whimper when his palm meets your sensitive flesh. “I’ve always— I’ve always loved your tits.”

He captures your pert bud between his lips, hot wet tongue marking the skin he had just slapped; he’s so rough with it, nibbling and sucking bruises, pinching and twisting the one not in his mouth between his thumb and forefinger— the sensations combined with Kai’s quickening hips, his unbelievable words drives you to the brink of ecstasy, your shrill cries deafening even in your own ears. “Kai—sir!” you beg tearfully, but you’re not sure what for. “Sir, please, please—!”

“Shut up.” Kai hisses, pulling away from your nipple with a wet pop. His hand moves from your overstimulated breast to encircle your throat, grip tight, fingers squeezing just enough to make your breath hitch and your vision fuzzy, ignite your senses— you gasp in shock, your hazy eyes blown wide, his grip adding a delicious edge to your arousal, his words churning hot in your belly… your pussy spasms around Kai’s cock, gummy walls sucking him in impossibly deeper as you finally let the pleasure overtake you.

“I’m gonna cum!” you bleat, your chest heaving, his fist still clasped so perfectly tight around your throat. “Kai, I’m gonna, I—“

“Shh, princess,” Kai laughs breathlessly, his voice cracking and his hips stuttering. His grip loosens, hand coming to rub electrifying circles against your clit. “Gonna cum all over this cock? Fuck— I’m gonna cum too, baby, feels so good! Gonna— wish I fucked you raw, wish I could fill you up… cum with me, okay? Come together with me—!”

You can’t take his words— hot fire in your belly roars, engulfing your entire being, and you’re sent over the edge in a symphony of pleasure. Kai follows close behind with a beautiful whiny moan, his cock twitching inside of you as he fills up the condom. Part of you wishes he had fucked you raw as well, could feel his hot seed paint your walls and fill your belly.

Maybe another time, you supposed.

As you catch your breath, chests rising and falling with the intensity of your shared orgasm, Kai tenderly caresses your waist, surprisingly hesitant and gentle in contrast to all of his touches before. His melted chocolate eyes meet yours, filled with passion and desire and something a little more. “That was…”

“Amazing.” you finish, a blissful smile gracing your lips.

“Can.. can we do that again?” Kai asks eagerly. “Not now, but like. Later. All of the time? We should do that all of the time. Can I take you out on a date sometime?”

taglist: @wintertxt, @boba-beom, @wolfytae-exe, @takemehye, @naomiarai , @mapofthemazeinthemirror , @bunnie-hq , @doumachi, @numxra, @soobinsbuns, @taegimood, @jeniihss, @soobabby, @hhoneylix , @beargyuuzz, @fullbodyblankets , @xenkimmie, @ttaesoob, @shinyngirl , @lxnoluvr, @blxxsss , @ode2soob , @beom-gyubears, @ashiixari, @lurking-coconut, @horanghaelovr, @urstylezx , @mini-mews , @givethnofucketh , @ladyartemesia, @allisonistrashh, @nxlvvr, @lurking-coconut

#ɱเµρσω𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ౨ৎ #k-labels #hueningkai x reader #txt x reader #txt smut #txt hard hours #txt hard thoughts #hueningkai smut #hueningkai hard hours #hueningkai hard thoughts #txt fanfic #txt imagines #txt scenarios #hueningkai imagines #hueningkai scenarios

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marvel-redemption-omega · 2 months

Text

Adam x Bratty!fem!reader

Reader is afab/female, explicitly used

Established relationship; you're Adam's wife

Summary: Y/n has started popping off to everyone lately, but mostly to Lute and Adam, which has caused a few scenes. Sera warned them to get their act together before she has to intervene. Adam thinks he knows just the thing to reel Y/n back in.

Minors DO NOT INTERACT! 18+ ONLY

Explicit content under the cut!

Warnings: Adam, lots of cursing, brief Dom!Lute, mentions of guitarspear if you squint, vague mentions of Lute x reader if you squint, Dom!Adam, Brat!reader, soft!Adam, BDSM/bondage, wing kink, thigh riding, edging, orgasm denial, slight praise kink?, you get used, idk what else you want me to say, there's some fluff in the midst; Adam fucks you senselessly into submission for being a brat, idk if there's more warnings. It's over 10k, I've lost track now.

Word count: 10,792

Make Me

(Not my gif, pulled from Google. If it's yours please lmk and I'll edit to credit!)

“The fuck you looking at, Saint Peter? Do I need to get Adam? Move,” you growl, shoving past the poor angel as you head towards the training grounds for the exterminators. Saint Peter looks after you, rubbing his wing where your own clipped his, sending a worried look after you before flying off to who knows where.

You slam open the doors, spreading your wings and launching yourself at the first exorcist you see. She is coming up to greet you, hand out for a handshake, when you grab it and fly up. Ignoring the startled scream from her, you try to keep steady as you twist, somersaulting a couple of times, and sling her towards a group of other exorcists headed right for you. They try to stop the one you sent flying at them, their wings tangling. You watch as they all plummet, hitting the ground with a harsh thud.

“Y/n!” Lute's voice has you turning to face your lieutenant. You smirk and bow your head slightly, wings twitching just the slightest as you hover and land before her.

“Lieutenant,” you grin, walking around her, wings partially folding behind you as you circle her. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your attention?” Sarcasm drips from your words. You rest your hands on your hips and watch as she turns with you, her eyes never leaving you.

“This isn't your normal behavior. What's gotten into you? Have you forgotten that we're all a team? We work together as one, and when you break that uniformity, it creates chaos,” Lute glares, voice cold as she approaches, her own wings stretching out. You know you're her subordinate, but you can't help taking the bait she's dropping. Her wings fully spread and you take the opportunity to taunt her.

“What's the matter? Don't like the fact I'm more brazen? I thought you said I needed to be more like you,” you snip, fully extending your wings as a show of defiance to her dominant display. Her eyes narrow and you both move quickly, flying towards each other. However, in your senseless agitation, you forget that Lute is your superior, in both ability and technicality. She easily gets the upper hand and wrestles you onto the ground, pinning your wings to your sides and you to the ground.

“You seem to be forgetting your place,” Lute warns, her tone sharp and hinting at something else you don't quite catch. The group of angels you sent in a heap arrive, all talking over one another to try and tell Lute what happened. She silences them with a look, not moving from atop her perch on you. “Hush! I saw what she did. Don't worry, Adam and I will be dealing with her,” she dismisses the group with a wave of her hand. Only once they're gone does she let you up, one hand gripping the base of one of your wings tightly, forcing you to back up to the side of the building as she extends her wings, making herself look bigger. You bite your tongue at the feel of her hand in your feathers, walking back until she has you pinned, your own wings shrinking and folding as best they can with a hand in the way.

“What now? You've got me alone? Why don't you just beat me and be done?” You snap, glaring at her boots. She steps into your space, forcing you to look at her. You press yourself back to the wall, irritation written on your face.

“You've got some nerve! You're lucky that you're one of the best I've trained. And you're even more lucky that Adam has a soft spot for you, otherwise I'd leave you broken on this fucking ground,” the lieutenant growls, twisting the hand she's got on your wing ever so slightly. Something crossed between a yelp and a moan escapes you as she pushes against you. “Since you think you can just barrel over anyone, you're going to be waking up extra early with me to do drills. We start tomorrow.” With that, she releases the hold on your wing, keeping hers flared behind her, before taking off. You hear her call for the ones training today. With a mocking snort, you take flight and leave the training grounds, deciding to be anywhere else but near Lute.

“Stupid Lute yelling at me. I didn't do anything. Why's she gotta take her anger out on me,” you grumble, landing back on the promenade. You know that's a lie, you're being a brat, but it's not your fault, you reason. You fold your wings, tucking them under your arms as a habit you adopted from Adam. “Fucking tell me I've gotta do early morning shit. Fuck her, she's not the boss of me,” you continue to rant to yourself, completely missing the golden winged angel. His eyes widen as he watches you storm by, none the wiser to his presence. He glowers before white wings cover his face, momentarily confusing him and turning him around.

“Whoa! Sera! I thought we agreed you wouldn't fucking sneak up on me again!” Adam says, looking up at the seraphim. She crosses her arms as she meets his eye.

“Adam, get your subordinate back in line. She is being rude to the other angels and if this behavior of hers continues, I will be forced to intervene. Saint Peter is not the first to have a complaint with Y/n and her behavior,” Sera warns, watching as Adam turns to watch you. Sure enough, you're shoving others aside, using your wings to try and create more space around you as you walk.

“Yeah yeah! I'll go get her! No need to jump down my throat, that's my job!” Adam dismisses Sera, crouching lightly as he spreads his wings. Sera grabs his wrist, stopping him.

“I'm serious, Adam. Reign Y/n back in or I will have to pull her from the extermination team and move her elsewhere. And if she doesn't calm down there, well, let's not let it get that far,” Sera releases him, turning to greet Emily who is flying up with two ice cream cones. Adam, unfortunately, loses sight of you in the time Sera is talking to him. He groans and heads to find Lute.

Lute is sparring with five exorcists at once, pointing out their flaws as she takes each one down. Adam, not particularly keen on getting a sprained wing again, waits out of the way until she notices him and dismisses them to work without her.

“Sir?” his lieutenant questions, wings folding behind her as she walks up to him.

“Have you seen Y/n? Sera's bitching ‘bout her. Something ‘bout she's being mean or some fucking shit. I wasn't really paying attention,” he admits, shrugging as they walk back out the training facility. Lute smirks at his typical behavior.

“Yeah. She came here earlier and assaulted some of the others. Sera is right though. Y/n was deliberately being disobedient,” she reluctantly agrees with the seraphim about you. To be fair, normally you'd go straight to Lute for a good, challenging spar, so to go after some of the younger and less experienced exorcists was a dick move on your part. Adam sighs and groans, glancing down at his lieutenant.

“Hey, Lute~”

“No.”

“What the hell, you don't even know what I was gonna fucking ask!”

“I know you. I don't need to know what you were going to ask.” Adam just stares at her for a moment, his mask switching to a deadpan expression. It quickly switches back to his usual, cocky smirk.

“Oh yeah? If you're so smart, what was it along the lines of then, Dangertits?”

“You were thinking of having me deal with Y/n instead of you, Sir.”

“Don't say it with such confidence. Bitch,” he throws in the last word as an afterthought, realizing she pegged him pretty well. She stopped and turned to face him, brow raised in question.

“So am I wrong?”

“Shut up. No. Let's just fucking go,” he grumbles, spreading his wings and flapping twice to get into the air. Lute smirks and follows silently. She might be his subordinate, but they both know she's right more often than not.

They finally find you at the local barbecue pit, in the reserved section. Reserved for him, Lute, and you. Lute looks up at Adam, wings folding behind her as she waits for his orders. “C'mon, Dangertits,” he mutters, making his way to you. You don't bother looking up when you're sandwiched between two bodies. The familiar touching of wings against yours immediately tells you it's Adam and Lute. You flip them off and continue eating your plate of ribs.

“Umm excuse the fuck outta you, Sugartits. You have some damn nerve acting like you're so fucking high and mighty all of a sudden. The fuck's got your panties in a twist?” Adam reaches over you and takes a rib, expertly dodging the fork you try to stab him with. Lute remains quiet, eyeing you as you glare at Adam, dropping the fork.

“None of your fucking business. And get your own damn plate of ribs, asshole,” you bite out, wings shifting in annoyance. Adam grins and reaches for another rib, holding your gaze while he does so.

“Fucking make me,” he retorts, grabbing the rib you start to reach for. Your eyes narrow, wings fluffing up fully behind you.

“You fucking absolute prick. What the hell is wrong with you?! I said to leave me the fuck alone. I was eating alone just fine until you two showed up,” you yell, drawing unwanted attention and eyes towards the three of you. You let your wings lift you from between your superiors, glaring down at them. “Stop fucking following me!” You leave the duo with your half eaten plate as well as the bill, hands clenched at your sides as you fly out the doors.

Emily finds you on a cloud, well away from everyone. She flies into your vision, giving you a warm smile. You can't help but return it. No matter how mad you were, Emily always seemed to make you want to smile and try to be happy for her sake. She was like a little sister to you after all. You gesture to another cloud beside the one you're on, letting your wings fluff out in contentment. Emily accepts your silent invitation. Heaven's sun warms your wings as you sit in peaceful silence with the young seraphim. It doesn't last long though. You feel Emily's eyes on you and you know she has something she wants to say.

“Everyone's worried about you, you know. Sera's worried that you're going to fall. Adam and Lute….they're worried something is wrong. Something like you don't want to be here, in Heaven, anymore. Saint Peter also said to let you know he wants to see you when you get the chance,” the seraphim rambles, one of her hands finding yours. You allow her to link your fingers, listening to her. Yeah, you have been a little shit lately, you know that. There was only one person who could help and he was still as clueless as ever. Adam. Well, that's not true. Lute could most definitely help too, you just preferred if it were Adam.

“I promise I'm fine, Em. You can tell Sera that I'll be okay. I'm just….going through something,” you grin, swinging your joined hands. “But, for you, I'll try and not cause any more trouble.” You mean every word. You don't want to give Sera a reason to cast you out. You actually like it here in Heaven. Hell, you even like your misogynistic, egotistical, dumbass husband. Why, you don't know, but there's just something about him that draws you in and keeps you coming back for more. He'd definitely say it was because he's the Original Dick.

“Eee! I know she'll be happy to hear that! I'm gonna go tell her you're okay! Okay? Bye!” Emily lurches forward to give you a hug before racing off to find her older sister. You let out a chuckle at the young seraphim's antics. For someone at least a millennia old, she still had a childish air about her. It was refreshing, a nice change of pace from her older sister, Sera.

Your peaceful mood doesn't last too long. You remember Lute telling you that you have to be up early for extra training due to your outburst earlier. Honestly, you know you can't blame anyone but yourself, but that doesn't mean that you like it. With a defeated sigh, you make your way back to your house.

You slam the door to your home, grumbling and cursing Lute and several other angels. In your anger, you completely miss two angels in your kitchen. Adam and Lute watch you pace in your living room, wings fluttering about. They have a silent conversation before Adam's smiling and Lute is trying her best not to, shaking her head. Finally, the light from your kitchen catches your eye.

“What the hell? I can't go out without running into you and now I can't even be in my own fucking place?!” You groan, feathers floating around you as your wings puff up in your annoyance. Adam smirks, lacing his fingers and folding his hands, resting his chin on them as he watches you.

“Babes, this is our house, not just yours,” he corrects you without hesitation, watching as you shake your feathers and fold your wings. Lute watches you both, only here to act as the middleman if needed to separate a fight. You turn your back to them and head back to the couch, falling face first onto it.

“Fuck off. I'm so sick of seeing your ugly mug,” you snarl, head turned to the side so they can hear you. Adam turns to Lute, nodding to the door. She gives him a look, but he shoos her as he gets up, making his way to you.

“Adam, I don't think-”

“Lute, just go. I can fucking handle this. I think I know just the fucking thing to correct her attitude,” a grin appears on Adam's mask, a ripple running through his wings as he pushes his chair back. You fluff your wings, letting them sprawl, one hanging off the back of the couch and the other dangling on the floor. Lute doesn't offer any further complaints, just opens the door and gives him a look before shutting it behind her.

“Go away, Adam,” you huff, feeling his presence hovering over you. You crack an eye open to see his face inches from your own, mask discarded somewhere. You yelp in surprise at the proximity, your wings flapping frantically to help you pull back and away from him. His grin widens as he slowly stalks towards you, his golden wings unfurling and shaking out behind him.

“You've been rather busy the last couple weeks huh? Been fucking with me and Lute and raising hell up here. Care to enlighten me as to why?” His gold eyes narrow as you search for a way around Adam or out of reach of him and his wings. You know he will use his wings to pull you close if you get too close.

“N-no. I haven't,” you lie poorly, slowly crawling backwards on the couch, and off the far side over the arm. You both stare at each other as your feet land on the cool hardwood flooring. A subtle flutter of his wings has you turning and darting down the hall, wings helping as you try to keep out of Adam's reach, hoping to get to the bedroom before he reaches you.

“You're such a shit liar,” he snorts at you, catching up to you quickly. You don't stop to see how close he is, you don't need to. You can feel his feathers brush against yours just before they fully envelope you.

“Adam!” You squeak out as his arms wrap you in a tight hug, face burying in the crook of your neck. Trying to steel your resolve and not break from such a small interaction, you use your wings to push against his, earning a chuckle from him.

“S'matter, Babe~? Need something?” His sharp teeth nip at your neck and it takes all of your willpower to not cave and moan at the sensation. The feel of his chin stubble combined with his teeth make your knees weak. Thankfully you have wings that help keep you balanced.

“Not from you,” you manage to scoff, still trying to get out of his grip, though your attempts are more feeble with each bite to your shoulders. In the small power scuffle, Adam has managed to walk you to your bedroom, nudging the door open fully with his wing.

“Mm, don't fucking be like that. I came all the way here from work just to help you,” he growls in your ear, voice dropping as he talks. You pause in your escape attempts, a chill running up your spine and through your wings. Adam doesn't miss the shaking of your feathers at his words, gold eyes glinting in the setting light filtering in through the window. He quickly takes advantage of your lack of fight, easily hefting you into his arms bridal style, letting your wings free of his hold. You blink up at him, arms instinctively going around his neck.

“Bullshit. Your head is too far up your own ass to care about me,” you sneer at him, grabbing his collar and pulling it tight so it comes close to choking him. He grins and leans his face closer to you, nuzzling his forehead against yours.

“I'm gonna make you eat your fucking words, Babe,” he mutters. He tosses you onto the bed after breaking your hold on his collar. His wings stay spread, displaying his dominance to and over you.

You turn to him, on your knees, and spread your own wings in defiance. You grin smugly at him, crossing your arms as he makes no moves to change your mind. When he does move, you don't see him. He turns you around faster than you expect. It's easy to pin you, and when he moves to grab something from under the bed, he keeps you down with his wings. You struggle under him until you feel cold metal on your wings. A gasp escapes you as Adam moves to secure your wings so they stay flared out, the metal frame locking as he puts the spines of your wings into each arm. You try to pull away, only for the metal brace to force them to stay.

“A-Adam!” You whine, realizing what kind of hole you dug for yourself. He ignores you, making sure your wings are secure before rolling you onto your back.

“You want to show disrespect to your superiors? Don't worry, I'm going to remind you of your place,” he chuckles, moving to grab something from the nightstand.

You whimper. You know you're fucked. You pushed your luck, especially with Adam, and went overboard with your bratty attitude. But fuck if this isn't what you wanted. Adam had been ignoring you after all. He was always ‘too busy’ with work. Maybe you were jealous of the time he spent with Lute, not like you should be, you knew their relationship, but it did bug you sometimes. Especially when you're his wife. You're aware and more than ok with the swing style relationship you both share with Lute. It was something you accepted readily when you met her after a date with Adam. There was hardly ever one without the other, no matter which way you looked at it.

“You're going to be begging me to stop before I'm through with you. I'm going to make sure you don't forget where you belong for a long time,” Adam's voice brings you back to the present. You look up at him, not daring to move from where he rolled you. He's sitting beside you, hand on one of your knees, hiding something in his other hand. You prop yourself up on your elbows, meeting his gaze.

“Big talk coming from someone who's locked up my wings. What's the matter, Dickmaster? Can't put me in my place with my wings in the way?” You taunt, though there's no real bite to your words anymore. You know you're at his mercy now, but you still can't help yourself since he hasn't touched you aside from the love bites he gave you on the way to the bedroom. You watch as his hand freezes the small thumb circling on your knee. His head tilts and he pulls out a massage wand, twirling it a couple of times.

“Sounds like you need more than just this. On my knee, now!” He orders, setting the massager on the floor for now. You raise a brow at him and bat your lashes at him.

“Make. Me.”

A feral noise escapes your husband. You're dragged into his lap and stripped of your boots and pants with a snap of his fingers. His robe is also discarded from his snap, leaving him in dark jeans and a band tee shirt. Your wings try to move, but the bar keeps them locked in place. The most you're able to do is shift the feathers slightly.

Smack! Smack! Smack!

The sting from Adam's hand connecting with your ass pulls a startled yelp from you. Your body shivers and goosebumps appear on your arms and legs. You try to kick and get out of his lap, but his hold on you tightens.

“Want to try that again, Bitch?”

“Y-yes… Make me, Dickmaster.”

Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack!

You try to stifle your moan by biting your fist, not wanting to give him the satisfaction just yet. You hear him tsk and see his shadow shaking his head at you.

“Nu-uh, that's not a good little bitch. What do we say?” He teases, grabbing your free hand and clicking something around it. You recognize the feel of the metal cuffs, even if it's been a few months since they've been used. He grabs the hand you're biting, and you willingly let him pull it above your head. He holds your hand there, your other being held in place by the chain connecting the cuffs.

“Fuck.”

“Getting warmer,” he chuckles, shifting so you're sitting on his lap. “You're going to ride my thigh until you tell me, but if you cum before I say so, I'll make sure you don't get to cum for the rest of the night. Understand, Bitch?” Your heartbeat feels like it's in your ears as you nod your head, wiggling your free hand to grab his shoulder. He lets you readjust yourself, the hand holding the empty cuff taps your free hand. “Gimme.” You immediately move your hand to his, letting him fix the cuff and click it around your wrist. He moves your hands so your arms are locked around his neck, hands resting on his shoulders with the lengthy chain. His own hands roam your body, pausing at your chest to grope your breasts through your top, one continuing south to rest on your hip after he gropes your ass. “Move,” he commands.

You tense slightly before realizing what he means. You lean forward, burying your face in his neck as you begin slowly grinding on his thigh. Still feeling a bit bratty, not having your fire extinguished just yet, you gently nip at Adam's neck before biting down hard at the junction between his collarbone and neck.

“Fuck!”

You smile as best you can with your teeth clamped against his neck, sucking on the skin until you're sure it's bruising. You feel Adam's wings curl around you, radiating warmth. Your wings block his from fully enveloping you, but you feel the warmth in your wings where they touch his own. Feeling proud about your mission to mark your husband, you let go of his neck with a loud pop. Adam's hands grip your hips tightly, fingers digging into your skin as he forces you to move faster on his thigh.

“You have some damn nerve being such a brat, yanno that?” He doesn't give you time to answer. He's sucking and biting a trail of hickeys along both sides of your neck, to hell with what anyone says. Once satisfied with the number he's left on you, he lets your hips go, hands trailing up your back to your wings. Your breath hitches as his hands curl tightly into the small feathers closest to your back. “Gonna have to show you where you belong. Make you understand just what happens to a brat who doesn't behave.”

“Sounds fun,” you breathe, leaning your head on your arm to look up at him, grin on your face as your halo shifts to right itself. He tilts his head down at you, gold eyes alight with something you can't quite pinpoint.

“Always gotta have the last damn word, don't cha?” He grunts, grabbing the chain connecting the cuffs and yanking it over the back of his head, holding it above him to pull you close. He drops the chain as his hand moves to grip the back of your neck, tangling in the hair there. You open your mouth to say something else smart, but he quickly covers your mouth with his own, silencing you before you can get anything out. You try to refuse when he licks your lips in an attempt to get you to open your mouth to him. He growls and tugs the hand in your hair, earning a moan from you and giving him access. He massages your wings as you kiss, only pulling away when you gently tap his shoulder, your signal you need air.

You can't process anything. From Adam's hand in your feathers, you riding his thigh, and that kiss? You feel a bit tipsy. Wanting to keep riding the high that is Adam, you lean back in for another kiss, your hands finding their way into his hair. Sensing your keen interest, he obliges you as you pull him down for another sloppy kiss, teeth clacking and tongues dancing.

“Adam, please… Don't want to ride your thigh,” you manage to squeak out, head resting on his shoulders, hands gripping his hair tightly as you grind down on his thigh.

“What's that? You don't want to?” He repeats, letting his hand untangle from your hair and trail up and down your back. He grins, and you swear his face matches his mask. “Too bad. Brats don't get what they want,” he answers, gripping your hip to keep you moving. He rocks his leg, shifting it with you so it hits just right, causing you to squirm. You whine and try to pull away with no fire in your heart, stopped by his grip, wings, and the handcuff chain. You can feel how excited he is, but you know he'd hold off just to prove a point. With another whine, you push your forehead into his collarbone. He doesn't want me to cum but wants me to ride his thigh? Fine, I'll at least follow one rule, you think, gripping his shoulders to pick up your pace on his thigh. If he wants you to ride his thigh, fine, you can do that, but you're doing it on your terms, not his. “Whoa. Ok, Sugartits, now we're talking,” Adam murmurs above you. You try to ignore him, ignore the feel of his hands on you. You don't care about him right now. He's been so mean to you! He's been too busy for you. Fuck him! You're gonna use him. Yes, you love him, but fuck him, literally and figuratively.

So focused on your own pleasure, you don't hear Adam calling for you. You're shaking your head, ears filled with the sound of your own panting. You feel the way Adam moves his leg under you, the way your wings tug against the warming metal brace, the warmth of Adam and his wings, the way you're moving in and out of sync with Adam's leg, it makes your brain fuzzy. A whine is pulled from your lips as you feel that familiar spring coiling tightly in your stomach. When did it coil like that? Surely you're not already about to come undone? Your fingers dig into his shoulders and you bite on his shoulder as your body shakes slightly uncontrollably as you reach your orgasm. You feel a rumble from Adam's chest, his hands tightening harshly on your hips as he works you through your bliss, slowing you down as your body settles from the aftershocks of your release.

“Still disobedient, I see,” you hear his voice and give a faint nod as you release his neck. You smirk at the mark before leaning back to meet his eye, eyes half lidded in ecstasy.

“Fuck you,” you manage to grumble, using the chain against the back of his neck to pull him closer. He chuckles, denying you the kiss you desperately want, he holds you still on his lap, wings unfurling from around you both and folding to his sides. The cool air sends a shiver up your spine, the chill creeping over your bare lower half. You glare then pout at him as he laughs at your expression, hands running over your legs to bring some heat back.

“I told you already, brats don't get what they want,” he reiterates, bringing one hand down hard on your rear end, making you jump. He smiles mischievously and snaps, eyeing your now nude body on display for him, your wings still held firm in their restraint, giving him a complete view of you. You whine and rock against his leg, your first orgasm barely scratching the surface of your need. “Ah ah ah,” he chides, lifting you just enough to prevent you from achieving the friction you just tried to make. He holds you like it's effortless, and honestly, for him it probably is. Man's like eight feet tall, if not more. You whimper, leaning your forehead into his neck at the loss of all contact except where he's holding your thighs. Your hands pull together and you realize Adam is pulling the chain over his head so you aren't locking him in place.

“On your hands and knees.” You're deposited on the bed, the remaining warmth leaving you as Adam shuffles off the bed and waits for you, gold eyes glowing in the dark. You shift your weight, grumbling, until you're on your hands and knees as ordered. “You know better. Arch your back.”

The sound of buzzing piques your interest enough to listen, turning your head so your left ear is pressed to the soft sheets on the mattress. You feel your feathers ripple and a few smaller ones fall as they poof up against your will. Heat creeps up your face and you quickly bury it against the sheets with a groan. Adam's chuckle is faint, but you hear it as he shuffles around behind you. The bed dips under his weight, forcing you to shift and recover your position for any sliver of hope that he won't keep his word of denying you more orgasms.

“Aww s'matter, Babes? Embarrassed your wings are giving away how aroused you really are? Afraid I'm going to do exactly as I said?” His voice drops lower as he leans over you. You feel his scruff on the back of your neck, his breath hot as he places a few sloppy kisses there. You can't help the moan that slips, and he doesn't miss that you ball your hands into the sheets either. He shifts again and you yelp, the vibration setting not what you were expecting as he holds the massage wand to your inner thigh.

“Fuck,” you bite the sheets to try and mute yourself, still not wanting to give Adam the satisfaction of hearing your voice. He tuts, moving the massage wand closer where you want it.

“Hold this,” he mutters. He smacks your hand away and gives you a knowing look. “Not with your hands.” You roll your head to the side, pulling your shoulders closer as you shift to bring your arms back under you.

“You can't be serious, Adam!” You whine, glancing over your shoulder where he's patiently waiting for you to take the wand. His grin never wavers as you lock eyes, gold piercing through you. “Fuck, Adam, please!” You attempt to bargain, hands clawing at the bed when he shakes his head no. Your resolve is slowly breaking at his slow torture. You'd prefer his break-neck pace instead at this point. When he doesn't budge, you curse him out, eyes never leaving his own as you move your thighs together to hold the wand where he wants you to.

“Good girl,” he praises as he moves from the bed, humming to himself. You try to watch him to the best of your ability, but lose sight of him when he moves to your shared closet. You can hear him pushing clothes aside until he lets out an excited ‘aha’. You can only imagine what he found, considering that's where you kept the more sinful sex toys and equipment. The familiar feeling of leather being wrapped about your ankle startles you from your momentary bliss of the wand. You hum as you feel Adam's fingers easily pulling the restraint tight. He slips a finger between your ankle and the leather. “Too tight?” The question makes you shake your head. “Can't hear you, Angel,” he teases, looking over the curve of your ass, down your lovely arched back.

“No, not too tight,” you bite out, legs slightly numb from the high intensity of the toy he demanded you hold. You jump and let out a small yelp as his hand makes contact with your rear. You quickly squeeze your thighs back together to keep the massager from falling, knowing that would earn you more discipline. Without another word, he's moving to get the second leather brace around your other ankle. Now knowing what he's doing, you quickly answer when he asks if the second is too tight. Once you agree that you're ok and the leather is really not too tight, he nudges your knees apart, clicking a small metal rod onto both ankle braces. The wand lands on the bed with a soft thump.

“On your knees,” he orders. He grabs the wand and turns it off for the moment, setting it on the side of the bed. You push up onto your forearms before using them to propel yourself fully upright to your knees. A soft gasp escapes you as Adam wraps his hand around the front of your throat. You never felt him crawl onto the bed behind you, but you feel his warm chest and stomach pressing against your back, feel his breath against your neck. You try to swallow and calm yourself of the anticipation. He trails kisses from behind your ear down to your shoulders, his hand staying firmly around your neck, holding you against him. The cold clasp of metal doesn't startle you this time, but it does send a warmth spreading through your chest and to your core like wildfire. You feel Adam loop the leather band through the clasp, pulling the collar to rest snug against your throat. He checks once, twice, three times with his finger that the collar isn't choking you before turning you in his arms, maneuvering you so you can see him.

“Safeword?”

“Oh, uhh…kumquat!” You snicker as his grin falters at your words before returning as he throws his head back, howling with laughter. He nods, wiping a nonexistent tear away from his eye.

“Perfect. If I cross a line, you say cumquat, and I'll stop, understand?” You giggle a bit at his words, but nod along so he knows you understand. He fingers the d-ring on the collar before using it to pull you close to him. “I couldn't hear you, Pet, what was that?”

“Yessir!” You squeak, a bit baffled by the new nickname. He licks his lips, nodding and muttering something you don't quite catch. He doesn't give you an opportunity to ask what he plans to do before he kisses you roughly, forcing his tongue into your mouth. Not like you're complaining. You try to move with him, but he has you stuck with your collar, his fingers still tangled in the ring on the front. You groan against him as he presses his lips harshly to your own. He nips at your bottom lip as he pulls away, panting slightly. You notice his hair is tousled more than usual.

While you're busy staring, you don't notice him undoing your handcuffs. He rubs the indents on your wrists before bringing them to his lips, leaving small kisses. Your heartbeat quickens slightly at the sight, loving Adam's sweet tendencies, you don't even know if he's aware of them. He drops your hands and meets your gaze, his eyes narrowing at you. You shy away slightly and drop your eyes to anywhere but his face, choosing the bed by his knee to be particularly interesting as heat floods your face.

“C'mere. Lay on your back and hang your head over the edge of the bed here. You're going to be a good little bitch and suck Daddy's cock,” he croons to you, one hand cradling your cheek. Your eyes widen a bit at his bold claim, but you nod along, nipping at his hand when he pulls it away. He quirks a brow but you just shrug and do as he told you, doing your best with both your legs and wings restrained. Once situated as comfortably as you can, you tip your head back to look at the shadow looming over you. He's got the wand in his hand again and you hum, hands reaching for Adam's clothed length. He's still in his shirt and jeans, so you tug at the belt loops, looking up at him expectantly. He rolls his eyes playfully and snaps, leaving himself bare to you. You, maybe a bit too eagerly, reach out for him, grabbing the back of his thighs and tugging him towards you. You hear his laughter, but you try to tune him out, desperate to start on him in hopes that he'd return the favor with his hands or the magic wand he has.

“Can I touch you?” You ask as he stands above you. The low glow from his wings and halo give you a small glimpse of his expression, a hesitant pause as he thinks over his words.

“Yes, I'll allow you to touch me. But, if you take your hands off me, there'll be consequences,” he grants you permission. You hum with a small smile, one hand going to the back of one of his thighs while the other grips his length. You give him a couple of strokes before opening your mouth and gently tugging his thigh to urge him forward. He doesn't need you to tell him twice, and moves so his shins hit the bed while you move to make sure you can take as much of his cock as possible.

The angle is a bit awkward for you, but you make the best of your situation as you feel Adam move and hear curses ring out. You hollow your cheeks, allowing him to fit farther down your throat as he pumps his hips. You hum, swirling your tongue around him, the metal barbell on your tongue adding a cooling sensation to Adam's heat. He groans at the feeling of it, dropping above you so he's leaning on his elbows on either side of you. You reach up to mess with his feathers, your other hand moving to fondle his balls. He curses and moans as you bob your head in sync with his movements. You let your hand fall from his sack, moving it to join in his wings. You bring your knees up and dig your heels into the bed, shifting yourself closer to the edge. Your gag reflex reacts at the sudden change, your throat constricting around Adam's cock, but you force yourself to choke through it, keeping yourself from gagging again.

“Ahh-fuck!” He curses, hips stuttering before he pushes himself up, pulling out of your mouth. “Up, on your front.” You whine as you're forced to let his wings go, but quickly do as he says, mimicking your first position with your back arched. He fists your hair, pulling you back to him. You lick your lips as he watches you take him back into your mouth. He grunts at the feel of your tongue running over him before he sets a brutish pace, hand so tightly wound in your hair you feel the subtle oncoming of a headache. You reach up and rest a hand on his hip for stability, the other going back to the base of his wings. You relax your throat and jaw as best you can, tears pricking your eyes and drool dripping down your face.

You squeeze your eyes shut tight when you feel a gentle vibration at your core. Adam has the wand pressed to you on a low setting, his other hand firmly locked in your hair. He runs the toy along your folds, resting it on your clit before circling it a few times. You moan around him when you feel him up the setting, circling the toy again. You try to lean back into it, but a tug on your hair makes you stop and turn your gaze up to look at Adam. He's got his head tipped back, mouth slightly open as he pistons his hips, roughly slamming his cock down your throat. You whine as you feel the wand turn off, before hearing it hit the floor. Adam's nowhere near close, but the way you're whining around him does make his dick twitch. You lurch forward, choking slightly, as he inserts a finger into you. You try to rock back into his hand in time with his hips, earning a hum of approval from your husband. He slips in a second finger, twisting and curling them as you rock between his hand and his own rhythm. The coil from earlier winds faster now, having already had one orgasm spurs on a second more quickly. As you start to move out of sync with him, hellbent on chasing your own release again, he withdraws his hand from you. He smirks at your pathetic whine against him, sticking his fingers in his mouth, sucking on them, never letting pausing or slowing in fucking your face.

“Fuck. Taste so good, Sugartits,” he praises, watching you squirm under his gaze. You narrow your eyes at him, tugging on his feathers. His body jerks and he groans as his hips falter in their pace, before stopping. You feel his release hit the back of your throat and you swallow, running your tongue along the underside of his shaft, pulling off of him with a grin.

“Mm, right back at ya, Dickmaster,” you antagonize, sitting up on your knees to get closer to him. He growls, his smile twisting into a sneer.

“You just don't fucking learn, do you, Brat?” He yanks you to your feet by your hair, preening at the yelp he pulls from you. “That's ok. We have all fucking night and you're going to be fucking wrecked by the time I'm done with you.” You instinctively let go of his wing and hip as he pulls you into his chest, eyes holding you in place. You give him a lopsided grin as you pull your hands up to his chest, pressing your fingers into his skin.

“Of course not. It's gonna take more than a little bit to make up for ignoring me all month,” you snip back at him. He lets go of your hair and grips your cheeks between his fingers, squeezing lightly. You just smile as he holds your face close to his, his other snaking between you two to stroke his already half hard cock.

“Hmm. I'll have you in tears in a matter of minutes,” he finally replies, releasing your cheeks, and pressing a kiss to the side of your mouth. You pout slightly but quickly try to hide it from him. You might have gotten lucky for back talking so far, but you knew you were going to eventually run out of luck if you hadn't already. Adam snaps, pointing to the bed. “On your back, now.” You scrunch your nose at his odd request, unable to read his expression. It takes some maneuvering as your ankles are still in the spreader bar and your wings are still in their own spreader arms, that Adam notices how difficult of a time you're having. He taps your hip, motioning for you to stop. You do so, watching him intently as he removes the bar holding your legs apart. He steps back once he's got it undone, allowing you to move freely. You murmur a soft thank you to him, a hand on his shoulder as you lower yourself onto your back much easier now. He pulls you closer to the edge of the bed once you're settled, making you lift your head at him. He doesn't acknowledge you, simply replaces the bar and uses it to lift your legs over his head as he kneels at the foot of the bed.

Your face flushes as you realize Adam is about to eat you out, a rarity from him for sure. He flashes you a grin before kissing up your legs to your thighs. He nips and kisses your inner thigh before biting harshly. You let out a small whine, reacting to the pain by trying to yank your leg back. Of course the bar and Adam stop you from getting anywhere, and your leg twitches while you whimper, balling the sheet into your fists at your sides. Your muscle shakes, pain and ecstasy flooding you, quickly turning you into a panting mess. Adam presses a kiss to the bruise he's left, moving to your other thigh to leave a matching mark there. Your toes curl as his teeth sink into your flesh, a long whine pulled from you as your muscle tenses before relaxing under Adam's tongue.

“Adam, please! Don't tease,” you cry, reaching down to bury your fingers in his messy hair. He hums as he nips at your thigh, sucking another, smaller hickey.

“Don't tell me what to do,” he rumbles, breath tickling your leg. You can't help the small laugh that finds its way out as he hovers over your mound, staring at you intently. How can he be so calm right now, you think.

You lift your head, breath hitching as you watch as your husband slowly licks straight up your folds, never breaking eye contact. You feel your face heat up, and you drop your head back onto the bed, tugging gently on his hair. He lets out a chuckle, nuzzling your thighs before pulling you closer, arms wrapped under your thighs and on your back. He laps at you slowly, humming in contentment as you squirm under him, trying to grind down on his face. He dips his tongue inside, finally, and you arch your back, chancing a glance down at him again. His eyes are closed as he draws random patterns with his tongue. After a few minutes, he pulls back, sucking your clit into his mouth. You suck in a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he hums against you, the vibrations sending a shiver up your spine.

He wiggles one hand out from under you, snapping his fingers. The spreader bar, keeping your legs apart, disappears, and you feel his wings gently move your legs out to rest over his shoulders. You stretch one leg out, hooking the other around his neck. He presses a kiss to one of your hickeys, looking up at you. He covers your clit again, sucking harshly as he slips a finger in you, moving it slowly. A gasp leaves you, feeling your stomach tighten at the sudden intrusion. He wastes no time in adding a second finger, pumping and twisting them at just the right angle to make you squeak out his name. He slows his ministrations as he feels your pussy clench around his fingers. He picks up speed again before slowing down, repeating the cycle each time you squeeze his fingers.

“Adam, please, I'm so close,” you pant, hands loose in his hair. You gently stroke through the messy brown strands, eyes shut tight as you try to hold onto the edge of bliss.

His eyes glint with mirth and mischief. He pulls away fully, smiling softly at your cry of protest. “I know I said earlier that if you came before I told you, you wouldn't get to the rest of the night…but now, I'm thinking that was a bit harsh.” There's something in the way he says it that makes you not believe him. You don't know why, and you quirk your brow up at him in silent question, moving your stretched leg to cross the other so you lock Adam in place. He definitely just edged you, you've been on the receiving end of that trick one too many times, but something is different. He's up to something. “So, how about I let you cum,” he starts and you nod quickly, squirming to try and grind on him. He laughs and holds your hips down with practiced ease. His wings lightly trail on either side of your face, down your neck, to your hips softly. “You want to cum for me, Babe?” He asks, dipping his head to lick you teasingly. You don't answer, your brain fuzzy at what he's just offered you. When he nips at your stomach do you snap your eyes to his, nodding in response. “Can't hear you, Sweets.”

“Fuck me… God, yes! Adam, please, please, let me cum,” you beg, using your legs to pull your husband closer to where you want him. His eyes narrow, tongue delving back into your folds. He swirls his tongue, constantly changing his rhythm, licking, nipping, sucking, and lapping at you fervently. You squeeze your thighs, pulling Adam closer as a result. “Adam, please, please, please!” You beg, tears threatening to spill as you feel your stomach contract as you're brought closer and closer to your second orgasm of the night.

“That's right, Sugartits. Cum for me. Cum on Dickmaster's tongue,” Adam praises, watching you as he turns his focus back to sucking on your clit, slipping two fingers in and curling them. With a shout of his name, you feel a wave of bliss wash over you. Adam hums as he works you through your release, your legs squeezing his head with the aftershocks. Your gaze snaps down to his, eyes wide in realization. He's not had a change of heart, he's just twisting what he said before. You feel your stomach drop as he pulls back a little, giving your slightly over-stimulated clit a break. His tongue darts out, licking his chin. His smug grin tells you he's about to say something smart, like usual. “Damn, Babe, if I'd known all it would take to rile you up and make you this wet for me is to ignore you, I'd have done it sooner.” You want to hate him and his stupidly perfect face, but dammit if he isn't your idiot. You try to glare at him, but your heartbeat and panting leaves little room for anything other than flustered to show.

“Fuck you, Adam,” you manage to grumble, leaning your head back into the sheets, massaging his scalp. Honestly, you don't know which is the worse of two evils; being edged all night or being over-stimulated to the point of tears.

“In a bit, Babes,” he replies, scissoring his fingers in an attempt to bring you back to the edge. “Be a good girl and keep cuming for me.” He snaps with his free hand, watching as a sash ties your wrists together with a bow knot. You roll your eyes at him, shaking your head at his silly antics.

You've lost count how many orgasms Adam has pulled from you now. All you know is if he keeps the wand on you, you're not going to last much longer. You tug at the satin sashes holding your wrists together above your head, whining as you feel another orgasm wash over you. Your nose burns as the threat of tears forms behind your closed eyelids. “Adam,” your voice is hoarse as you call out to your husband, eyes opening to find him hovering above you, wand nowhere in sight. As a matter of fact, you don't even hear it anymore.

“Shh,” Adam cooes to you, pulling one of the loose ends of the sash, untying the bow and releasing your wrists from their binds. “Think you can do something for me? I know you've already done so much, been such a good girl,” he praises, pressing light kisses along your jaw. You whimper, not trusting yourself to speak just yet. You feel him shift above you, his wings curling around you both as he fists his cock. “Think you can take one more orgasm, Sweets?” He murmurs against your neck, rubbing the head of himself against your folds. You whine, tilting your head to give him more access.

“I-I don't know. ‘M sore,” you whisper back, letting one hand rest on his shoulder. Instinctively you intertwine your fingers with his as he moves his free hand to your own.

“Come on, just one more, Pretty Girl? One more for me?” He urges, gently squeezing your hand. When you squeeze his hand in reply, he quickly sinks down until your hips meet. You shift your hips, nearly purring with the stretch of him.

“Fuck, feel so full, so good, Dickmaster,” you return the praise, turning your head to look at your husband. His face flushes lightly and he glances away, a quiet ‘shut up’ coming from him. You smile at his reaction, moving your hand from his shoulder to his cheek, cradling it gently. He turns his head to press a soft kiss to your wrist, nuzzling your hand. “I love you, Adam, but for fuck's sake, please fucking move,” you groan, bucking your hips up into him. He chuckles at your renewed enthusiasm and pushes your intertwined hands into the mattress as he shifts his weight so he's evenly over you.

He obliges your demand, slowly pulling out before sinking fully back into you, finding a slow, methodical rhythm. You sigh in contentment as you roll your hips in time to meet his, a shudder running down your spine as he fills you over and over again. It's such a drastic change from the intensity of the last couple of hours. Adam's shift from Dominant to soft-Dominant is so fast that you swear you should have whiplash. His wings brush against your shoulders, your wings, your sides, and they're so warm! You shiver in pleasure under Adam, throwing yourself off rhythm. You feel his chest rumble with laughter as you try to match his pace again, eyes closed, brows knit in focus. You gasp when he angles just right, hitting deeper in you. You grip his hand tightly, moving the other to his shoulder again in an attempt to pull him closer.

“Shh. There's my good girl. Do you feel good? Like when I hit right there,” he emphasizes his words with a particular hard thrust, hitting your g-spot. You yelp, bucking against him as a result. “Yeah? There?” He slips his wings under you, leaning back and pulling you with him as he sits up. He takes care not to shift too much, keeping himself buried in you as he adjusts you in his lap. He gently pulls his hand out of your grasp, moving to hold your hips as he helps support you, helping rock you back and forth on him. You wrap your arms around him, burying your face in the crook of his neck while you bounce on him. You feel his hands under your thighs, lightly cupping your ass as he helps hold your weight when your legs start to give out. “Can my baby girl give me one more? Think you got one more for me?” He whispers into your hair, leaning his head against yours, bucking up into you as you still, leg muscles too abused to continue your movements. You nod against him, panting as you try to focus on the feeling of him; his smell, his warmth, his familiarity, it all invades your senses and fills you with peace.

Adam holds you steady in his lap as he starts to quicken his pace, losing his rhythm from before. He slips one hand between you both, thumb quickly finding your clit again. You shudder and cry at how sensitive you are, shaking your head against his neck, babbling nonsense. He mumbles soft reassurances in your ear, pulling you down as he thrusts up.

“C'mon, Sugar, cum for Dickmaster. Cum on the Original Dick,” he mutters, pressing a kiss to your temple, fingers digging into your skin. You whimper as Adam hits your g-spot as he talks, giving you that final push over the edge. You cling to him, legs shaking as your body tries to calm while he's still pistoning into you. You feel his other hand move back to under you, helping support you. You dig your hands into the base of his wings, gently tugging and nipping at his ear. He lets out a strangled gasp as his pace falters, getting sloppy. “Gonna fill you up, Babe. Gonna fill you so fucking full,” he growls, biting down on a bruise from earlier, eliciting a mixed cry of pain and pleasure from you. You clench around him as he pulls you down hard, hips stuttering as he groans.

It's quiet, save for the panting coming from you both as you slowly come down from your highs. Adam rubs your hips, kissing the bruises on your neck as you slump on him, hand gently brushing his feathers from where you were gripping them. His wings unfurl from around you, taking their warmth, and causing goosebumps to once again overtake your skin.

“Such a good girl,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to your lips as he lays you down, pulling out with a grunt of dismay. You chuckle softly, eyes closing when he lays your head on your pillow. You feel him messing with the collar, can hear the clasp as he undoes it, but you can't be bothered to make a move to assist him. You hear him laugh as he pulls the clasp end, the leather warming your neck as it pulls across your bare skin. You feel the bed dip as he shifts down towards the foot, repeating the motions for both ankle braces that once held the spreader bar.

When he looks back at you, he notices the gentle rise and fall of your chest, signaling you're asleep. He sighs, heading to the bathroom to clean himself and get you a warm washcloth. He steps into the bathroom and grabs the gold washcloth, turning on the tap, waiting for it to warm up. Once he's satisfied with the temperature, he lets the cloth fully soak before wringing it out and returning to you after shutting off the tap. He tries to ask you if you'd be ok with him gently cleaning you. When you don't answer, he snorts out a laugh and gently nudges your legs apart, trying to be as gentle as possible. He tosses the rag into the hamper against the wall, climbing into bed beside you. He tugs you close, slightly surprised when you roll onto his chest. He hums and cradles your head, pressing a kiss to your crown and snapping a blanket over you both.

“Goodnight, sleep well, my Angel,” he says, wings spreading wide and curling them around you.

___________________________________________

(Oh, did you think it was done? Oh no, Sweetheart, there's more. 😘)

The sound of knocking rouses you from your slumber. You groan and nuzzle into the warmth below you, trying to ignore the sound, hoping if you don't answer, whoever it is will go away. The door opening has your eyes snapping open. You move to push yourself up, but two arms wrap around you, keeping you in place. You feel the hair on the back of your neck stand on end. With your back to the door and being trapped under Adam's arms, you won't be able to fight back. A familiar shadow pushes open the cracked door, letting out a sigh at the sight of you. Lute pinches the bridge of her nose as she steps over to the bed, prying Adam's arms off you. She glances at you without a word, eyes trailing from your neck to your back. She crawls onto the bed, fingers quickly unlocking the brace holding your wings.

A gasp escapes you, eyes squeezing shut as you are finally able to move your wings. They're stiff as can be and they kind of hurt from being forced straight for the night. Lute sighs, holding out a hand for you. You take it hesitantly, but curiosity gets the better of you. You trust her, even if you're at your most vulnerable, and nude, in front of your lieutenant. She pulls you off the bed, towards the bathroom where she quickly starts a bath, getting the water set to the perfect temperature.

“Get in,” she orders quietly, sitting on the side of the tub. You blink, tilting your head as you obey her without question, the fire of the last month extinguished with last night's much needed treatment.

“Join me?” you ask, stepping over the side and sitting in the water with her help, wings folding close to your sides. She stares at you before nodding subtly. You watch as she strips and sets her clothes on the counter, grabbing two towels, resting them on the side of the tub.

“Turn around, I'll help you preen,” she offers, stepping into the large tub, sitting behind you. You turn your back to her, head slumping forward as she deftly runs her fingers through your feathers, straightening those that are crooked or twisted. You shudder as her hands work your feathers, and you can't help the whimper that you let out as she continues preening your wings for you. If she heard you, she doesn't say, so you don't mention it, trying to focus on anything else besides the feeling of your feathers being messed with. You grip the side of the tub when you feel her hands massaging the spines of your wings. The warmth from the water and the massage help make them feel a bit better.

“Thank you.” You know you don't have to say it, but you also know it's appreciated. “And, I'm sorry. For being a brat and for taking out my frustration on the other exorcists,” you start to ramble, eyes blurry as tears threatening to fall. Lute spins you around, gently cradling your chin in her hand, forcing you to look her in the eye.

“You're good now? Not going to be trying to harm our exorcists?” When you nod in agreement, she gives you a small smile, a rare gesture she keeps reserved for those close to her. “Good. Once you're done here, meet me at the compound,” she continues, stepping out and wrapping one of the towels around herself. You deadpan.

“You mean I still gotta meet you for those morning trainings?” You whine, eyes following your superior. She sends you a wink, leaning over the side of the tub so she's at eye level.

“Absolutely. Just because you got off the hook easily with Adam, doesn't mean I'm not going to punish you too,” she chides playfully, pressing a swift peck to your lips as she slips her clothes back on. “I'll see you at the compound in twenty minutes.”

She's gone before you can protest. You drop your hands into the water, groaning as you realize just how much of a mess you've made with being a brat.

Fuck! I still have to go apologize to Saint Peter too, you sink into the water, not looking forward to your day.

Taglist: @miss-menhera @fizzy-fuzz @atttwoood

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toxicanonymity · 1 year

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Left in Lincoln - Master List (ongoing)

softdark dads' best friend!Joel x virgin f!Reader

mood board by gracieispunk

series masterlist here, a reblog won't stay updated.

official playlist 🍑 bonus playlist by readers PREMISE: After you were orphaned by the outbreak, Bill and Frank raised you, sheltered in their closed community. Now 21+, you're still inexperienced. They leave to get treatment for Frank and ask Joel to look in on you while they're gone. The town begins to creep you out, but Joel is glad to provide comfort, protection, and education. WARNINGS: I8+ Big, girthy age gap. Joel is very dark and toxic but acts sweet with reader. Angst. Loss of virginity. Manipulation. Slow-burn horror: no gore, no violence toward reader, but this story has given people nightmares. NO USE OF Y/N.

Floorplan

Part 1 - This Protector (3k) - He lowered his voice and said, "Feelin' this against you, knowin' it's there." His hips lifted gently, and it swelled harder against you. "It's s'posed to feel good. Nothin' to be ashamed of"

Part 2 - The Dirty Ground (5k) - “Ever had an orgasm, darlin'?” He slowed his hips to talk. . . . “Only in my sleep," you said.” Good, that’s your body takin’ care of you. It’s good for you. . .Gonna take this belt off, k?”

Part 3 - The Cold, Cold Night (7k) - He looked from your eyes to your mouth and back then murmured, "Nap really all ya want?" "Just wanna be with you," you answered quietly. His deep voice became nearly a whisper. "Love hearin' that, baby."

Part 4 - Apple Blossom (7.5k) - “Gonna take time ‘fore you’re ready for this,” he said with a roll of his hips. . . You asked, “You want it too, don’t you?” “Course I do, baby,” he panted. “Gotta feel good for both of us, though. Gotta do it right.”

Part 5 - Black Math (8.6k) - “God, if you only knew . . .” There wasn't even a hint of shame in his voice. “We’re almost there, I promise.” He tucked in his shirt and adjusted himself while he was at it. “God damn,” he exhaled. “Turns me on, thinkin’ about it.”

Part 6 - As Ugly as He Seems (8.4k) - You would've given anything for Joel to wake up and ravage you. “s’what I mean, baby,” he murmured sleepily into your hair. "Can't trust myself." He groaned softly as his palm brought you tighter against him. You began to reach behind you, but he intercepted your hand. . .

Part 7 - Forever for her (10k) - [loss of virginity] You looked at his clothes and didn't say anything, but he replied to your silent question with a smile and hushed voice. "no, I don't have to be so dressed..."

Yes, I still plan for there to be a part 8. I don't have an ETA for anything I'm writing in this fandom, as much as I love you all.

-----

Art, etc.

HOT fan art by @bonezone44

Ch 1 mood board by @neverwheremoonchild

Ch 1-6 mood board by gracieispunk

Collage by @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

Chapter-specific posters

Hot ominous edit by swagxgarfunkle tiktok

Haunting edit by @iamasaddie

If yours is missing PLEASE let me know I probably tagged improperly & couldn't find.

#lincoln!joel #toxic masterlist #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #dark!joel miller #creepy!joel miller #cw age gap

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skepsiss · 5 months

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Really curious cause there has been some talk in a Writing Server I'm in and I really want to know other people's thoughts. This is for ANYONE who WRITES fan fiction, even if you only write it sparingly. I will make one for readers too, linked here.

If you vote! please reblog so I can get a good sample size <3

#fan fiction #writing #creative writing #writerscommunity

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randxmthxughts · 1 year

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Second Chances - Neteyam x Omatikaya!Reader

summary: y/n and lo'ak were destined to be together, or so she thought... after moving to awa'atlu with the sully's, lo'ak starts to fall for a certain metkayina girl, leaving y/n completely heartbroken. it is unexpected when neteyam, who has been secretly harboring feelings for her, decides to tend to her wounds. can y/n reciprocate his love?

wc: 9,6k

contains: angst, sort of love-triangle (lo'ak - y/n - neteyam), childhood friends to lovers, fluff

a/n: based on this idea i had a while ago, so i'm finally getting to sharing it with you! if you are a lo'ak girlie, this is probably not for you haha. please don't forget to show some love in form of replies or reblogs (it is really devastating when you work on a 10k fic and only get 8 comments)

masterlist

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Bonds could be formed before Eywa, but they could also be broken. That was the law. Hearts that once beat as one could grow apart, it didn't always last. It was rare, but it happened. You understood this, as did Lo'ak, who knew it firsthand, growing up with the love story of his parents. But the two of you had never expected that it could happen to you someday.

You often thought back to your life in the forest, where even amidst the ongoing war, things seemed to be much calmer and peaceful than they were now, within the reef clan. The instability and uncertainty, the risk of clan members never returning, the frequency of grieving ceremonies, everything seemed unimportant, when you had one sure thing in your life - Lo’ak. He had been your unwavering rock, the only one who could see through you, see you. Until he didn’t.

Since the day you burst into Sully's home at the age of seven, with your mother trailing behind to prevent you from disturbing Toruk Makto's family, it was clear that you and Lo'ak were two pieces of the same soul. It was always trouble when it came down to the two of you, sneaking out, and stealing everything that could be turned into a game, coming home covered in dirt and debris. Your parents often joked that you were like a mirror held up to Lo’ak: he was the instigator, and you were the tail. It was mostly Lo’ak initiating the trouble, but you were always right there with him, egging him on. You couldn’t help it, you loved the way his eyes sparkled with mischief, and the way he held you in his embrace, chest vibrating with the sounds of deep laughter, when you got yourselves into sticky situations.

Soon enough, the whole clan could see that a strong bond was starting to form between two souls so alike, it was almost uncanny. The two of you felt it too. Every angry scolding from his father was yours to take as well, every injury and scar on his body was mimicked on yours, every loving gaze and touch of his mother was shared with you. The Sully’s became like a second family to you, and it was only a matter of time before you would officially be one of them. So, when they made the difficult decision to leave the clan and seek refuge in a foreign land, your parents reluctantly had to let you go with them, knowing that you were meant to be with Toruk Makto's son.

But now, whenever he looked at you, Lo’ak felt guilty. His heart filled with sorrow for the days when all that mattered to him was you - the smile that was plastered on your face when you greeted him, the warm gaze you casted upon him when he needed reassurance, the gentle touch of your fingers intertwined with his when words failed to express how he felt. It was no longer the same, his mind distracted by a thought more exciting. Unintentionally, really, if anything he tried his best to fight the pull towards the Metkayina tsakarem. He couldn’t explain it to soothe the pain, he just felt it. Like he had been guided to her by Eywa herself.

The doubts were suffocating you from the inside out at first, but you tried to ignore it. Lo’ak would never hurt you, he was only friendly to learn from Tsireya, so that he wouldn’t be a disappointment in his father’s eyes. When the clan had started to point out their friendship, and you heard gossip about the tsakarem finding her mate, you swallowed your pride and carried on, pretending that it didn’t bother you.

But when you watched them, you could see it clearly. They fit like two pieces of the same puzzle. Lo’ak brought in the thrill, in return, she grounded him. Bonds can be broken sometimes, you knew it. Tsireya seemed to know that too.

You had noticed the signs, but when he finally confirmed your worst fears, it felt like the wind was knocked out of you. It hurt your throat when you accused him, simultaneously feeling cruel for pointing out things you were hoping he could explain. But he didn’t deny it, the day he sat you down in a clearing, too similar to the one back home, and told you it wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was the law of Eywa.

"I still care about you, I always will," he tried cupping your cheek with the same caress he used to preserve for you only, eyes glistening with tears.

"You promised," you hissed angrily, pushing him away, “You promised, and I believed you."

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Lo’ak dragged himself through the sand, his feet stumbling over stones, as he replayed the bits of your argument in his head. He couldn’t shake off the image of your face, the way you looked at him with so much anger and pain, it was almost like you were a different person. He never thought that there would be a day in his life when you would look at him with such disdain. If he could only change the way he felt but he was torn between his promise to you and his feelings for Tsireya, and he didn’t know what to do.

He had been walking aimlessly around the island for hours after you had demanded that he left you alone, and with the night growing darker, he dreaded going back home to avoid running into you. He took a deep sigh, approaching the family marui, the hopes of having his family already asleep immediately crashing, when a faint light glowed from within. Lo’ak really wasn’t in the mood for getting scolded.

“Where were you, boy?” Jake asked harshly, but there was a hint of concern evident in his face, as he began to quickly examine his son for signs of injury.

“Just…out, I got carried away,” Lo’ak mumbled, fumbling out of Jake’s grasp.

“Lo’ak, where is Y/N?” Neytiri’s voice followed, her worry barely concealed.

Lo’ak’s eyes darted around the pod - his siblings were there, but you weren’t. He swallowed nervously, under the weight of his family's scrutinizing stares.

“She didn’t come home?” he asked.

“She was with you, what do you mean?” Neteyam spoke up, confused.

Lo’ak’s stomach churned with anxiety; you were still out there, on an unfamiliar island, all alone. Alone because he had left you there.

“She was but we… we had a fight, and she didn’t want to see me,” Lo’ak admitted, his voice barely above a whisper, “I thought she’d be home by now, that’s why I stayed out so late.”

“What am I supposed to do with you?” Jake hissed, “You do not leave your mate alone in an unknown setting when it’s dark out. It’s not too hard to figure out.”

Lo’ak hung his head in shame, deciding against defending himself, as there was no point in doing so. He stood there, weighed down by his own guilt, when Neytiri's gentle touch on his shoulder brought him back to reality. He looked up at her, seeing the concern etched on her face. You were like a daughter to Neytiri, and she couldn't wait for the day you were going to be one of hers, so the growing distance between you and Lo’ak worried her.

Jake leapt into action, grabbing his flying gear, with Neteyam following closely behind. The older brother couldn’t help but feel bad for not bringing up your absence earlier. He should have trusted his gut that something was wrong and had gone after you hours ago. Should have known that Lo’ak would find a way to mess it up.

“I’ll come with you, dad,” Lo’ak stated but Jake’s face hardened at the mere suggestion.

“You have done enough.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Now every time when Neteyam went to sleep, he often thought back to the night he found you. His eyes would linger on the corner of the marui, half-expecting to find you there, deep in your sleep, only to be met with the image of your empty mat.

He was flying over the island on his ikran then, when he spotted a small figure, hidden in the thick greenery of Awa'atlu. He mumbled something to his father through the wired necklace, before diving down.

You were lost in a sea of tears, so consumed by your own grief that you didn't even notice when Neteyam landed next to you with a gust of wind. It was only when he pulled you into an embrace that you felt yourself melting into him, a deeper pain forming in your chest and suffocating you from within. Your whole body shook with the force of your sobs, and you clung to Neteyam desperately, imagining that it was Lo’ak, who had returned to tell you it was just a stupid joke.

“Let’s go home, okay?” he asked gently, but you shook your head desperately at that, forgetting to breathe in between your whimpers, “Y/N, you need to breathe.”

Neteyam pursed his lips together, raising his fingers to his necklace, when he heard his father’s voice on the other end.

“No, sir, she is not injured. But she doesn’t want to come home,” he fell silent for a moment before continuing, “I will make sure she is okay, you can trust me.”

As you started to feel more and more exhausted and began dozing off, Neteyam lifted you gently into his arms and flew you back home. He was grateful that you were asleep and spared from having to face the worried looks on his family's faces. He was especially relieved that you didn't have to see Lo'ak.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Lo'ak did not miss the way his chest tightened with ache, when you passed by him and lowered yourself on the other side of the circle, your eyes fixed on the ground, barely holding yourself composed during the shared lessons. His lingering gazes were miserable taunts because they meant nothing when you saw him struggle to breathe with Tsireya's palms resting on his chest. His questions to you hung unanswered in the air, as purposefully ignored him.

"Hey, would you like to practice with me? I think I'm losing my focus easily," Neteyam nudged your shoulder.

"Sure," you mumbled with a mixture of irritation and gratitude.

Neteyam was older than you, exuding maturity and confidence in everything he did and everywhere he went. It was no different in Awa’atlu, even when the weight of his responsibilities shifted drastically, he was still prioritizing others. Unlike Lo’ak, who usually cared for you only, Neteyam's range of care extended far beyond that. So you saw right through him trying to take you under his wing, when you no longer had someone to pair up with. He wanted to be the helping shoulder for you.

It was complicated. You had left your whole life behind with only one certainty, and now that you had lost it, you were entirely alone among people who saw you as a weakling and pitied you for your broken heart. You would be lying if you said you didn’t contemplate sneaking out on your ikran one night and returning home, pretending as though you didn't like your new life and that you were no longer in love with Lo'ak. But the idea of your clan looking down at you too made your chest swell even more. You were stuck. Lo'ak left you stuck all by yourself, and he was no longer there to reach out his hand to you and pull you out of the trap. Because this time he himself had set the trap for you.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

"I just feel silly sometimes... I knew it was possible but I didn't think it could happen to us," you confessed with a deep sigh, avoiding the amber eyes fixed on you, "I always relied on him for everything, but now I feel alone. Completely alone."

Neteyam watched you with curiosity, discovering a side of you that was previously closed off to him. Perceiving him as an older brother sometimes put a boundary between you and him, blurring Neteyam into the background. He was like an extension to Lo’ak, never granted the same privilege of knowing you until now. Neteyam’s eyes lingered on your quivering lips, recognizing the same brave face his brother often put on to avoid showing vulnerability. He felt cruel and selfish for savoring this moment of you opening up to him. Not to Lo’ak, to him.

"He is a skxawng," he growled, trying to offer some support in the form of anger.

"Yeah, he is," you agreed with a small chuckle, despite both of you knowing that it wasn't really Lo'ak's fault.

You fell quiet again, your back leaning against the tree, fingers wandering in the fresh grass underneath you. Neteyam watched you intently, wondering about what was going on in your mind. He grew tense, struggling to guess, but you were difficult to read, your countenance rarely altering. His patience ran out, and his reserve crumbled as he blurted out with a pleading voice.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," you replied, looking up at him hesitantly before revealing your secret, "Just… when it gets too difficult, I like to imagine flying far away from here.”

"W-what?" he stuttered, "You want to leave?"

"I like to imagine that I can," you clarified, “I’m not really considering it, ‘s just a comforting thought, you know? Makes me feel free… like I have all the power over myself."

You could have sworn at that moment that Neteyam let out a relieved breath. It was strange to open up to him, someone whom you had never trusted with your thoughts before. But his usually annoying calmness was suddenly all you needed. He didn't judge you, didn't pity you, like the others.

His family was suffocating you with love to overcompensate for Lo'ak’s inability to give it to you anymore, and for some reason, it made you resentful. So you asked for a separate marui where you could stay by yourself for the time being. You often avoided them in public and stayed close to Rotxo during your lessons, ignoring the conversations Kiri tried to pursue with you. Eventually, the Sully’s started to give you space, everyone except for Neteyam. He was persistent, asking you to pair up with him during the lessons under the excuse that he was failing, and you were ‘so quick to learn.’ Challenged you to accompany him on walks because he needed a trained warrior to look out for him. You saw right through his acts of kindness but your heart longed for company, and he was always there, basically pleading you to join him. So you did.

Short and harsh replies eventually grew into longer chats into deep conversations, with him mostly doing all the listening and agreeing, as you complained. You tried to avoid talking about Lo'ak, but sometimes you would let slip a small detail or two, throwing a piece of your soul at Neteyam and quickly closing off. He didn't mind it though, because every time you pushed him away, you opened up a little more the next time.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“Stop staring. I get it, you’re mad at me,” Lo'ak rolled his eyes at his brother before hanging his head again.

“I am not mad at you,” Neteyam replied, watching with a keen eye as Lo'ak proceeded to clean the fish.

“Sure, just like everybody else isn’t,” Lo’ak huffed under his breath with slight annoyance.

Lo'ak found it increasingly difficult to face the reality when spending time with his family. Your absence had disrupted the usual balance, leaving him to endure their gnawing, judgmental stares by himself. They refrained from commenting, knowing that it wasn't a matter of discipline, it was a matter of the heart. But the silence was worse - Lo’ak would have preferred hours of lectures from his parents and bickering with his siblings instead. He especially dreaded spending time with his brother, who always stood next to him like a figure of justice, so proper and goody-two-shoes. It drove Lo'ak insane.

“I think you should talk to Y/N.”

“Talk to Y/N?” Lo’ak’s eyes snapped back at Neteyam in bewilderment.

Lo’ak wasn’t naive. Of course he had noticed the way his older brother tried to fix the situation, coax you out of your shell and bring you back into the world. He felt agonized that once again Neteyam had to stand in for him, clean up his mess. But he couldn’t be angry this time because he knew he was helpless.

“No way, she hates me right now,” Lo’ak shook his head, “She will probably despise me for the rest of my life. Not that I don’t deserve it…”

“You underestimate her,” Neteyam spoke calmly, “But she can’t move on until she gets her closure.”

“Closure?”

“You owe her that much,” Neteyam patted his brother’s shoulder, standing up.

Lo’ak sighed heavily as his brother’s words sank in. He knew that Neteyam was right; he did owe you that much. And he couldn’t just pretend like you never existed and move on with another girl without at least trying to make amends with you first. You deserved to know that he didn’t lie to you, it just happened. Lo’ak continued to clean the fish in silence, already trying to come up with a way to approach you.

“I’m going to check on her,” Neteyam said, grabbing his spear, “When you’re ready, you know where to find us.”

Lo’ak nodded absentmindedly, still lost in his own turmoil.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“See? I’m telling you, it is like the water here is way slippier than back home,” Neteyam joked, as his spear poked through nothing, the fish he had been preying on swimming away.

You laughed at his attempt, knowing well that he was only pretending to struggle. Back home, Neteyam was known for being great with weapons, especially spears, even though your clan rarely used them, having preferred bows and arrows. You gripped your spear, fixing your stance and focusing on catching a fish; the anger you felt towards Lo’ak in the past weeks had driven you towards excelling in your lessons and improving your skills. With a quick thrust of your weapon, you successfully pierced through a fish and brought it close to examine. Fighting for its life, the fish flopped around on the tip of your spear, splashing water onto Neteyam. You laughed as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to avoid the burning of the salty water, and shoved the spear towards you instead.

“Stop, Neteyam!” you yelled out, trying to push it away from you, “I’m going to smell of fish!”

“You already smell like one,” he laughed.

Your fingers reached for the fish, pulling it off the tip gently and tossing it into the bucket next to you. Neteyam stood leaning on his spear, watching you with a small smile.

“What?” you grumbled.

“Nothing,” he shrugged.

“Stop staring, you look like a freak.”

"Tell me something I don't know," he rolled his eyes, and you felt a twinge of guilt.

Freak. It slipped out of you without much thought, but it was one of the silly nicknames that Neteyam and his siblings were called since their arrival to Awa’atlu. You felt bad, as you had it easier than them in those moments, seeming to be the most ‘normal’ to the Metkayina. But Neteyam didn’t even bat an eye at your words, like he was already used to it.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to call you that,” you reached out to touch his arm.

“It’s okay,” his eyes lingered on your hand before meeting your gaze with a softened expression, “You’ll have to try harder to offend me next time.” “Oh, you’re such a skxawng,” you playfully shoved him.

You laughed, as Neteyam stumbled back, losing his grip on his spear and falling onto his bottom with a splash. He started splashing you in retaliation, squeals and laughter filling out the air, as you let yourself get distracted from the usual gloominess that hung above you. That is until you heard him call out your name. Lo’ak.

You could feel the hairs on your back stand up, your spine straightening instinctively at the sound of his voice. Neteyam threw you a sympathetic look, as you turned around to catch the sight of Lo’ak, standing not too far from you.

“Can we please talk?” he asked.

For the first time in weeks, you let yourself meet Lo’ak head-on, feeling as if something stirred within you. His face twisted under your stare, the apple in his throat wobbling, waiting for you to respond. Instead of granting him a verbal response, you shook your head and reached for the bucket handle to get away from there as fast as you could.

“He means well,” Neteyam covered your hand with his.

“It was your idea, wasn’t it?” you gritted through your teeth.

“I’m sorry, I just think you should talk,” Neteyam pleaded with you, “Please.”

You exhaled sharply through your nose, letting him take the bucket out of your grip.

“Just trust me on this.”

You felt the anger vanish when you looked at him, his sincerity seeping through your defenses. It wasn’t hard to trust Neteyam, after all, he never made promises he couldn’t keep. You bit your lip, hesitating for a moment before slowly turning to face Lo'ak. Neteyam let his palm linger on the small of your back before brushing past you to leave you two alone.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“Well, are you going to thank me or kill me?” Neteyam asked playfully but there was obvious tension in his stance.

“Neither,” you rolled your eyes at him, ignoring that small fleeting feeling of gratitude you felt.

He didn’t see you for almost a day after your conversation with Lo’ak, and frankly, he had been going a little insane over it. It seemed like Lo’ak and you were gone for ages, since he only caught a glimpse of his brother right before he went to bed. After leaving you to talk, Neteyam struggled to distract himself with a swimming practice, but quickly grew tired of it and trailed back to the place where he left you. He kicked the sand around in annoyance when he didn’t find you there, assuming that you moved to a more private place instead. He wondered if he had unwittingly pushed you back into Lo’ak's arms, and the thought made him feel sick to his stomach. It was probably wrong to secretly root for his brother and Tsireya to make it, but he couldn't help himself.

A small crush on you had started to grow in Neteyam's chest a long time ago, though he wasn't exactly sure when. Then suddenly, it had bloomed into a feeling so intense that it filled his lungs and made it hard to breathe. Whenever he saw the warmth in your eyes that was reserved only for Lo’ak, he would quickly look away, shaking his head to force himself to focus on something else. He often wondered if he had misunderstood his own feelings and was just happy that his brother had someone like you to rely on. It was too embarrassing to admit to his crush anyway, since he had been suppressing it for far too long now. Neteyam decided it was best to simply ignore it.

“I still kind of hate him but I don’t want to kill him anymore,” you tried to joke but it came out rather lame.

Neteyam winced at your words, but his expression softened into a grin soon after. You weren't one to joke around him often, but when you did, he found you amusing. It was nice to know that you could make the-always-serious Neteyam laugh.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Neteyam was the connecting link between you and his family, frankly, he considered you a part of his family for some time now. So when he begged you to join them for the evening, you couldn't bring yourself to refuse. It had been over a month since you distanced yourself from the Sully’s and moved out, and they were still having a hard time getting used to it. Neytiri and Jake, who tried talking to you during this time, felt particularly guilty for uprooting you and failing to keep you happy after promising to your parents that they would take care of you. You still saw the siblings more often, during your lessons, but it wasn't the same as it used to be. You weren't as close as you once were.

"Lo'ak won't even be home to make it awkward," Neteyam repeated, almost dragging you back home with him. "I'll take care of you."

It will be like the old times, he promised, except no one would mention your relationship with Lo'ak. But even without his warnings, his family knew better than to bring it up, as they didn't want to scare you away. Besides, he was getting irritated with his sisters' constant chatter about you. Or at least, that’s what he told you. You rolled your eyes, and you whined, and you almost broke your fingers trying to pull away from his grip, when you neared the family pod. Then it all came rushing back.

Neteyam's family couldn't help but feel a surge of love for him when they saw him bring you into their home. It had been a while since you had been there, and Neytiri was thrilled to see you opening up again. As they greeted you, Jake made a mental note to question his son later and find out how he managed to convince you to come. His sisters also couldn't hide their excitement as they beamed at you, though it felt just a little uncomfortable. His parents were visibly relieved to finally see you around, as, during all this time, they had been relying on Neteyam to check on you and make sure you were taking care of yourself.

You fidgeted in your seat, the tension in the room suffocating you. The breakup had taken a toll on you, and everyone knew it. But just as your anxiety was about to consume you, you felt Neteyam's hand sneak behind your back and touch your hand. Your fingers intertwined with his instantly, bringing you a piece of mind. It felt like everything was falling back into its place with him next to you.

Neytiri and Jake exchanged knowing glances, watching you chat with their kids animatedly, as the evening went on. Neteyam couldn’t peel his eyes off you, and it was so clear to them that their older son was more than smitten with you. Over the years, they had seen Neteyam grow into a mature and responsible young man, and they knew that he would make a wonderful partner for someone someday. So, while they felt a little strange about the change from Lo'ak and you to Neteyam and you, for some reason, it worked. Neteyam and you just seemed to fit better together, balance each other out, and they couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, you and Lo’ak weren’t meant to be from the start.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“You’re good for her,” Jake concluded, once the dinner was over, reaching forward to pat his son’s shoulder.

“Yeah, well, she doesn’t need that right now. She needs a friend,” Neteyam mumbled under his breath, hesitant to agree.

“You’ll have to tell her some day, you know?”

“No,” he shook his head, “She will think it is wrong.”

“What is so wrong about falling for someone?” Jake questioned, and Neteyam lowered his ears in defeat.

“It is wrong by the laws of Eywa. Her and I are not meant to be…”

“Neteyam,” his father’s tone softened, “You know that sometimes Eywa can change one's path, don’t you? What may have seemed like the wrong choice yesterday could end up being the only solution tomorrow. Just look at your mom and I. Do you think we're wrong together?”

“No, of course not. You’re perfect, actually…” he frowned under the weight of Jake’s words, “But Y/N, she’s… she doesn’t see me like that.”

“She might if you give it a chance. You need to follow your heart, Neteyam. It’s pure.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

You laid on your stomach, chin resting on your hands as you watched Neteyam ponder his next move. The worn-out chess set, with its faded wooden pieces, had been a prized family possession since you and Lo'ak had stolen it from the science lab as children. It was one of the only things that you brought with you from back home to the island - a reminder of your childhood. Recently, Neteyam and you were especially fond of playing chess together.

Jake was proud to teach all of his kids to play the human game, and he enjoyed how much you seemed to like it. It was a small nod to where he came from, and while Neytiri never showed interest in learning it, as it was too foreign to her, she did appreciate the quiet it brought to her home. Sometimes, when the kids would get too tiresome, she would pull out the game and sit them down to play to keep them occupied and silent.

But Neteyam was too silent, almost distracted. He was making moves without his usual careful consideration, his focus absent, like there was something bothering him. It was unlike him to be losing, he rarely lost to anyone.

“Neteyam?” you propped yourself up, feeling the gentle sea breeze blowing through your hair as you addressed him.

“Hm?” he looked up at you, a little startled, as if he had forgotten you were there. "Oh, is it my turn to play?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, “But are you okay? You seem distracted.”

"I am okay," he shook his head, shifting to sit up in a crossed-leg position. "I was just thinking."

You mimicked his movements, sensing that he was abandoning the game, ready to talk.

“What is it?” you reached to take his hand in yours.

Neteyam's gaze shifted to your fingers intertwined with his, feeling a warm sensation spreading through his chest. He had started holding your hand whenever he sensed you struggling to open up to him. But now, as you reciprocated the gesture, it warmed his heart, easing him into confessing about the dilemma he was having.

“I… there is something I feel like I need to do but I’m too scared,” he confessed, carefully avoiding any details that might reveal his intentions regarding you, “My dad thinks I should just do it and trust my instincts.”

“Well, what is it? Like hunting underwater or something?” you frowned, slightly confused at his words.

“No, not like that. It’s more about courage…I guess,” he mumbled, already regretting saying that, “‘s hard to decide if I should do it or not.”

“I don’t understand.”

Neteyam's eyes flicked up to meet yours, then quickly looked away again.

"It's nothing, forget I said anything.”

“No, please explain,” you squeezed his hand in yours, pleading, “I want to help.”

Neteyam hesitantly reached out and took his king, twirling it between his fingers as he looked back at the board. You observed alongside him, noticing that both of you only had a few pieces left, indicating that the game was coming to a close.

“It’s kind of like chess. I like to think long before making decisions, I plan it out. But this is not a matter of logic, quite honestly… It’s like, I don’t know if I should take the risk and move my king out in the open field, or if I should hold him back and keep him protected. What if I can’t back out and I’m cornered and I lose?”

You watched curiously, as Neteyam put his king back to its usual spot. He glanced up at you again, with uncertainty written all over his face.

"It's a tough decision, you know?” he continued tentatively, “Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of the board, unable to move forward because I don't want to make a mistake. Do you ever feel that way?”

“Yeah, I think I do,” you nodded slowly, meeting his searching gaze, “But sometimes you just have to take the risk. Things don’t always work out in your favor, no matter how much you plan it.”

“But what if you lose?”

“You can’t avoid it. Sometimes you just do,” you said, your voice faltering as you recalled your recent loss of Lo'ak, “But hey, if the worst does happen, at least you will know that it's over and you won't have to go through it again. In a weird way, it's like a relief."

Neteyam nodded with a small smile, his fingers trembling slightly as he lifted his king from its spot.

"I think I'm going to take that risk," he said softly, moving his king.

“Good,” you smiled encouragingly.

"I’m... I'm in love with you," Neteyam admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

“What?” you felt your breath catch in your throat. Was he joking?

"I have been in love with you for a long time,” he continued, words spilling out of his mouth uncontrollably, “I always thought it was wrong because you were with Lo’ak, and I obviously never stood a chance. So I tried to push those feelings away and pretend they didn't exist. But they only grow stronger with each passing day, and I can't hold it in any longer."

You froze, your mind unable to process his words. You never even considered the possibility of Neteyam seeing you that way, he was always like a brother to you.

“I don’t understand,” you murmured, shaking your head slightly, as if trying to shake off a bad dream. “So...all this time...?”

Neteyam nodded silently, his gaze fixed on you. He could sense that the answer he dreaded for so long was beginning to form on your lips, as your consciousness slowly began to return.

“Neteyam, I-I… I don’t know what to say.”

His heart sank at your words, and he looked away, struggling to keep his composure. He had expected this outcome, but it still hurt like a knife in his chest. You didn’t want to hurt him but nothing worthy came to your mind to comfort him, except for an apology. You weren’t even sure why you were apologizing to him, but it felt like a primal urge.

“I’m so sorry…”

“No, it’s okay,” he spoke softly, as if you were the one who needed comfort, “I understand, you don’t have to explain anything to me.”

“I just… I had no idea…” you stammered, “I value our friendship so much. Neteyam, you have been my rock, you know that.”

He nodded with a forced smile, his heart sinking deeper and deeper in his chest. It was slowly and painfully killing him that you weren’t harsh with him, almost like the pity you took on him stung worse than the actual rejection.

"I hope I didn't lead you on.”

“’s not your fault,” he shook his head, “If you want, things don’t have to change between us. I’ll always be there for you regardless, I just needed to get it off my chest.”

You nodded, both relieved and confused by his suggestion. But the words lingered in the air between you two, leaving a heavy silence in their wake. Deep down, something started to shift within you. All this time. Neteyam was no longer just a friend or Lo’ak’s brother. He was someone who had feelings for you, and that changed everything.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

And despite the promise you made to each other to maintain your friendship, it was difficult to keep it intact. Days passed, and the aftertaste of his confession wouldn't go away, hanging in the silence that had often replaced your usual easy banter. Every interaction felt weighed down by an unspoken tension, every walk you took together, every lesson where you paired up was now filled with underlying discomfort. Neteyam tried his best to ignore the pain consuming all of his being, though he was taunted by your mere presence. But he made a promise to be there for you, and he was determined to keep it.

You were flustered too. Small touches and looks seemed to hold a different meaning now, making you question the way you behaved around each other. Was it an accident how his hand lingered on the small of your back or the nervous swish of his tail when you approached him. Were you leading him on? Forcing to spend time with you only because you needed him for emotional support.

The thoughts in your head started to outgrow you at times, when you lost sleep recalling Neteyam’s words. He was always like that, his strong and persistent nature showing through everything he did and said. But he was also humble, never getting too cocky and not afraid to ask for help when he needed it. You grew up seeing how Neteyam always put others above him, even though it could hurt him at times. And you felt selfish for taking advantage of that and holding onto his friendship when he desired something more. What if the roles were reversed, and it was you who had confessed your feelings only to be rejected? Would you be able to handle it with the same level of composure that Neteyam had shown? Probably not. You couldn’t do that for Lo’ak.

Your room was filled with the gentle clinking of beads, a soft glow of the last rays of sunset casting a golden hue over the man next to you. Your own hands were holding a string with beads, pretending to work, but it was only a show. Neteyam, who sat in front of you, had been lost in his work, brow furrowed in frustration as the thin thread kept slipping from his fingers. The beads glimmered under the sun, as he added another one, determined to finish the bracelet he promised to give to Tuk before the eclipse. Your eyes darted between his fingers that were deftly working the thread under his skilled touch, and his face, illuminated under the light. His jaw tightened, as he struggled to work with a smaller bead, and you couldn’t help but trace the sharp line with your eyes.

Of course you had known that Neteyam was a beautiful person, it wasn’t like you had a sudden revelation at how attractive he was. Back home, he was winning hearts left and right due to not only his looks, which he took after his mother, but also for possessing the inborn strength of a leader and generally having a great personality. You just never paid attention to him like this before, always considering him to be your friend, a family. But as you stole another glance at him and he caught it with a shy smile, your stomach twisted in a swirl of emotions.

“I think I need to get my eyes checked by Tsahik,” he said with a nervous chuckle, pointing at the bead that had been irritating him for the past minute or so, “I can’t thread this to save my life.”

“Maybe it’s just a tricky one,” you forced a chuckle too to cover up the awkward aftermath of being caught staring at him, “Here, let me help.”

He gratefully accepted your offer, trying not to read too much into the way your hands touched when he passed you the bead. Not that you weren’t nervous under his observing gaze, but you were at least less flustered than he was. So, with a bit of effort, you pushed away all of the thoughts and steadied your hand, managing to lace the thread through the small.

“There you go,” you mumbled, passing the bracelet back to him.

“Thank you,” he nodded with that same shy smile, then pointed at the one you made, laying in your lap, “Do you need help with yours?”

“No, it is done,” you held up your handiwork to him with a grin.

Despite your distraction, you somehow managed to finish your necklace earlier than Neteyam. But considering the size of his fingers and the beads, it wasn’t really a surprise that he was slower than you when it came to crafts. The necklace swayed around in your hand, as Neteyam observed it with attention, trying to understand to whom it was meant to belong. Did you make it for yourself? He hoped you did, as he wouldn’t be able to bear it if you gave it to another man. The colors you used were so familiar though, and Neteyam shook his head to force the thoughts out of his mind; there was no way that you would match the necklace to the beads in his braids. No way, he convinced himself. You watched his face in anticipation, stiffening slightly at the lack of response.

“Well, do you like it?” you scrunched up your nose, feeling a little embarrassed to ask him that. If he liked it enough he would have said so.

“I do, it’s beautiful,” he cleared his throat, eyes snapping back at you, “Is it for anyone in particular or just yourself?”

“Um… I don’t really know, I guess I just made it?" you shrugged, "But if you like it, I can give it to you.”

A contented hum escaped from Neteyam's lips as he admired the necklace, a small glimmer of hope flickering in his heart. The longer he gazed at the brownish and green beads, the more he realized how perfectly it would complement his hair.

As you caught sight of his thoughts, your heart skipped a beat. Had you been so preoccupied with Neteyam that you unconsciously incorporated a piece of him into your creation? The idea of giving it to him warmed your heart, but the thought of others seeing him wear something you made crossed your mind right after. What if they thought it was strange or inappropriate, a necklace crafted by you to match Neteyam's hair?

Just the idea of others assuming anything past friendship between you and Neteyam was scary. You would look pathetic, maybe even revengeful, if you went for the brother of the man who broke your heart. And what would Lo’ak think? Probably that you were only unable to move on from him and hang onto things you could have, like his family. You shook your head in irritation at that. Why should you even care about Lo’ak’s feelings, when he broke off things with you? Frankly, it was silly to even think about it because the possibility of you and Neteyam being together was nonexistent. Or at least, you thought so.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Neteyam laid on his mat, staring up at the thatched ceiling of his pod. It was already late, close to the afternoon, and he knew that his family had gone out to begin their chores, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. His mind was consumed with thoughts of you instead, the change in your demeanor when he was around. You were nicer to him, more than you usually showed, and he couldn’t figure out if it was because you pitied him or because you were starting to see something else in him. Maybe he was reading into it too much and it was stupid. Really. After all, you had already rejected him once before. He would know if you changed your mind, right?

It took Lo’ak to clear his throat twice to get his brother’s attention. Startled, Neteyam finally looked up to meet his concerned gaze. It was strange to see Neteyam in the bed still, and Lo’ak made a guess that he was feeling ill.

“Are you okay, bro?”

“Yeah…” Neteyam sighed.

Lo’ak hesitated for a moment before walking closer and sitting down on the verge of his mat.

“Do you want to talk or something?”

Neteyam sighed again and sat up, running a hand through his hair. He knew that he would have to tell Lo’ak eventually, and there was no point in beating around the bush. Still, the fear of putting a crack in their relationship made him reluctant to share.

“I just want to be honest with you,” he started, noticing a slight curiosity in Lo’ak’s gaze, “Um… it’s about Y/N.”

“What about her?” Lo’ak physically felt his heart skip a beat, his mind already flooded with endless concerns: were you hurt? Did something happen to you?

“I am… in love with her. Have been for some time now… long before we even moved here,” Neteyam admitted with a shaky voice.

He was embarrassed, so much that his ears were burning up like he was on fire. How could he have fallen for his brother's destined mate, his best friend? Out of all people in the world, it had to be you. Eywa worked in mysterious ways sometimes.

Lo’ak’s face fell as the words sank in. The room was silent, as both brothers struggled to find a way to recover from this revelation. The thought of you being with Neteyam made Lo'ak sick to his stomach. His brother. The one who always stood by your side, even when you were with Lo’ak.

“I don’t even know how to react,” Lo’ak admitted, “D-does she know?”

Neteyam nodded silently, watching Lo’ak’s expression change. There was a mixture of emotions rushing to Lo’ak’s head, from guilt to jealousy to confusion. How could Neteyam have fallen for his former mate, take away the only thing that was reserved for Lo’ak only? The lump in his throat grew bigger, suffocating him from within.

“Lo’ak,” Neteyam's voice was stern, forcing him back into the conversation, “I didn’t mean to, you out of all people should know that. I would never intentionally do something to upset you.”

It was unfair to be mad at Neteyam. To be mad at you for moving on. Lo’ak took a moment to recompose himself, knowing well he had no right to be upset with either of you. You deserved someone who could give you everything, and Neteyam was just that - perfect. He could give you his whole life, whole heart served on a platter. But then, why did it sting so badly to picture you together?

“Okay, I understand,” Lo’ak finally spoke, the apple in his throat bobbing, “I have no claim over Y/N. She is a free woman now, so she can do whatever she wishes to do… I mean, as long as you make her happy -”

“No, Lo’ak, she rejected me,” Neteyam interrupted, feeling the sudden urge to stop assumptions from escalating, “She said she only saw me as a friend. I just wanted to let you know about how I felt.”

“Oh,” Lo’ak let out. He failed to deliver a humorous joke to ease the tension, “For once in my life, you want something that I have… rather, used to have.”

Neteyam’s expression softened, and he forced a breath out in an attempt to chuckle at that.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

The joy of the Tulkun returning sent the whole village into a long night of celebration; the clan members dressed up in their traditional garb, air was filled with rhythmic tunes, and the smell of mouth-watering food. You had never felt more uneasy to be at a celebration, suddenly regretting that you had made no other friends since your arrival to Awa’atlu. And you stood there awkwardly, looking around, when Neteyam had insisted on sitting with him and his family.

But Lo’ak was there, forced by his father to stay close. When he saw you being led by Neteyam’s hand, he felt something bubble in his chest. His family perked at the sight of you, greeting you with their usual smiles, and you shoot Lo’ak a shy look.

“Hey,” he mumbled awkwardly, so low, that his voice was barely registered by his family.

You mouthed it back with a softened gaze, and Lo’ak couldn’t help but smile. It was awkward but it didn’t hang heavily as it usually did when you and he were in a close proximity. Lo’ak felt a slight relief at the fact that you even acknowledged him, though he was convinced a part of it was because of his family being right there. Still, he decided to take it as a win.

Neteyam's tail swished with contentment as he sat close to you, occasionally grazing your back for comfort. You couldn't tell if it was intentional, but with Neteyam, it was hard to gauge how much thought he put into things. Regardless, you felt giddy by his touch.

The conversation between his family slowly started to flow, and you found yourself chuckling at their jokes, feeling as if you belonged again. And when Lo’ak attempted to add to a story about his father's first ride on tsurak, you couldn't help but snort in amusement. He shot you a grateful look for that. Of course, you’d laugh at Lo’ak’s jokes, you had been laughing at them your whole life. You guess, some things never change.

As the night wore on, you were pulled out of the conversation at a distinct melody that filled the space. You took notice of how couples began to shift in their seats, rising to their feet to join the dance. Lo'ak stood up too, clearing his throat awkwardly before he made a way to where the Olo'eyktan and his family sat. The realization hit you like a punch to the gut when you saw Tonowari nod approvingly, and Tsireya rushing to take Lo’ak’s hand and pull him into the dance. You did not miss the way the air left your lungs, as people suddenly started watching you, as if waiting for a reaction. You scooched closer to Neteyam, hanging your head, to hide yourself with your hair.

“You okay?” he asked, staring back angrily at those who looked at you. He stiffened at the thought of you having to go through something like that.

“No, actually,” you chuckled nervously, looking up at him, “It’s like everyone expects me to throw a fit or something.”

Neteyam scrunched up his face at the comment. He looked around one more time before opening up his palm to you.

“Would you like to dance with me? Maybe that will shut them up," he said.

You felt his mother’s eyes on you, as you pondered on the offer. You really weren’t in the mood to dance now, and besides, everyone out there was coupled up.

“I’m not sure it is a good idea,” you mumbled.

Neytiri stood to her feet, pulling Jake with her. She shot you an encouraging smile.

“Come, Y/N, let’s go dance,” she gestured for you to stand up too.

“Yeah, come on girls, you too. Tuk, Kiri,” Jake pitched with a grin, “Sully’s stick together.”

You watched with a smile as the whole family decided to join in on the dancing despite the melody being intended to be just romantic. Neteyam stood too, pulling you by the hand, and really, you had no other option but to give in. His gaze softened, sending your heart into a race, and you followed shyly after him to join the other dancing Na'vi.

As you watched Tsireya and Lo’ak together, memories of your own time with him invaded your mind, but strangely you weren't upset by that, just nostalgic. Neteyam didn't let you dwell on these thoughts for long, as he gently pressed his hands against your waist and led you through the dance. When you looked into his kind eyes, it felt like all of the pain from before had dissipated into thin air. You danced for what felt like hours, surrounded by his family's laughter, and lost in the rhythm. Finally, it felt like things were back to normal, and you could relax, until the night was ruined.

You were taking a break from the dancing, watching the Sully kids goofing around with a fond smile. You had missed seeing them this happy. While back home it was a usual sight, in Awa’atlu, they were rarely this carefree. Ao’nung, in his eagerness to entertain himself, slipped in to stand next to you with a wicked smirk on his lips. It didn’t take him long to reveal his intention of approaching you, as he made a comment vile enough to send shivers down your spine. You wanted to punch him, crawl his eyes out, but all you managed was to scurry away.

Ao’nung’s sweet moment of satisfaction was interrupted abruptly by an aggressive shove. He stumbled backward, eyes widening at the sight of Neteyam.

“What the hell?”

“What did you say to Y/N?” Neteyam exposed his canines, ignoring the looks they were now getting.

“Woah,” Ao’nung smirked knowingly, “Nothing but the truth -”

“Tell me what you told her,” Neteyam shoved him again, this time harder, “Now.”

“Fine, you wanna know?” Ao’nung sneered, “I pointed out how pathetic she is, truly unworthy to live amongst my clan. It’s honestly embarrassing that she couldn’t keep one brother, so she’s now feeding into the pity of the other, in hopes to lock him up.”

“From now on,keep your mouth shut and stay away from Y/N,” Neteyam warned, taking a step closer, his voice dripping with venom, “Or you’ll have me to deal with.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Neteyam's heart felt heavy as he caught sight of you. You were in the exact same spot where he found you on that fateful night when Lo'ak shattered your heart into a million pieces. It was all too familiar - the darkness, the quiet sobs that filled the air. His mind flashed back to that night, the memory still fresh in his mind.

As he approached you, Neteyam couldn't help but notice the gentle glow of dozens of atokirinas that surrounded you, like tiny stars grazing your skin in comfort. With a long, heavy sigh, he sat down next to you, forcing you to meet his eyes with your red, puffy ones. The deep sadness started to cloud him, and Neteyam wanted nothing more than to take away your pain, to shield you from the cruel words that had been spoken by Ao'nung.

"Ugh, this is pathetic," you chuckled weakly, gesturing at yourself, "How are you going to rescue me every time?"

“I’ll be there as many times as you need me to,” Neteyam replied softly,

Neteyam's heart ached as he watched you avert your gaze and fight back tears. His mind raced, struggling to think of something to say that could ease your pain, so he pulled you into an embrace instead. His hands gently rubbed your back and head, trying to offer comfort as you buried your face into his chest. And the tears came harder than before, louder.

"He told me that no one else would look at me after Lo'ak, because I was pathetic," you sniffled, your voice breaking. "And he is right. Maybe I should just listen to him and leave.”

“Ao’nung is the biggest skxawng on this whole island, don’t you ever believe a single word that comes out of his mouth,” Neteyam said firmly, pulling away slightly to look into your eyes, “I see you, Y/N. You have a big heart, you’re brave and strong-willed, and there is absolutely nothing shameful about being loyal. You hear me?”

Your chest tightened with a flutter at the proximity of Neteyam, and your heart began to race as you found yourself lost in his deep amber eyes. It was getting harder to deny the pull you have felt towards him and have been feeling for the past many weeks, since the confession.

“I just want you to be happy,” he added.

“Being with you makes me happy,” you whispered.

He gulped down nervously, scared that it was yet another thing he’d misinterpret. That you were probably referring to his friendship with you, nothing more. But his cheeks flushed regardless, feeling a soft touch of the atokirinas settling on his shoulders. And as they surrounded the two of you, like a sign from Eywa, you brushed your hand against his chest.

“Neteyam,” you said, your voice dripping like honey to his ears, “There was one thing Ao’nung was right about… I like you,” you admitted.

Your eyes darted between his widened pupils and parted lips, mind clouded with his scent and the warmth of his touch, with the spell of the atokirinas swirling around you, as if they were blessing you. You could feel the way his breath hitched, when you leaned forward, and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Without hesitation, he pulled you closer, his heart pounding so hard in his chest, he was afraid it would jump out. You were much more intoxicating than he had imagined, making him want to scream at the top of his lungs. His thumb rubbed gentle circles to the back of your neck, as you relaxed into him more, and fit perfectly into the curve of his body. Like you were made for him.

“I was too blind before,” you pulled away slightly, your lips curling up into a gentle smile.

Neteyam chuckled bitterly, the sound filled with disbelief and self-doubt. His hands found their way to your waist, bringing your body to his lap. He wanted to be sure that you really wanted this, that he didn’t just catch you in the heat of the moment. But his hesitance melted away, when you kissed him again.

“I see you too, Neteyam…”

He had never felt so alive, so happy, so loved.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

taglist (also tagging everyone who interacted with the teaser post): @bigdikzaddy @awriana @scarletrosesposts @abbersreads @mechformers @my-love-of-books @avatarbyamara @robin-the-enby @minjix @nilrilie @grierpilots @suntizme @jakesully-sbabygirl @netemoon @live-laugh-neteyam @misscaller06 @darkacademictrash @arminsgfloll @kireysiaugustine @crustskullz @dollyplayhouse @jellybeanstacey0519 @itscheybaby @loaksky @n7ytiri @theycallmesia @love-chx @gloryavila @i-live-in-a-fantasy-daydream

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dreamlifebunny · 6 months

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a better way to affirm (and make any method more effective!)

every desire we could ever want has already been said "yes" to and everything is possible - this is the beautiful truth of the law of assumption. a very popular method for manifesting is affirming for your desires: with affirming, we tell ourselves "i have money, my sp loves me, i am safe, etc." attempting to conjure up the feeling that the affirmations are true. however, when we don't actually believe in the affirmations, repeating them over and over can feel vapid, yucky, and even make us feel like we are lying to ourselves, causing us to feel the opposite of the affirmations we were using.

when talking about imaginal acts and imagination, edward art has often said that it's not the details of the scene that matters, but what the scene implies about us that is important. it was after listening to his "though false" lecture that i realized, in order for affirmations to be effective, we must first believe they are possible for us at all and they must tell us something beautiful about ourselves.

yes, it is true that mindlessly repeating affirmations over and over again without feeling them can manifest just as effectively as feeling your affirmations and only repeating them once, but the reason why either of these methods work is because you believe that they will work. if repeating affirmations mindlessly 10k times gives you the same feeling that your manifestations are yours, then please keep doing that method! but if you struggle to believe that mindless affirming will actually bring about your desires and you find the repetition boring, this post is for you.

i would like to repeat: the law, in all of its beauty, reminds us that every single thing that we desire has already been said "yes" to. with this beautiful concept in mind, let us create affirmations that feel softer, easier, truer, and give us the peace of mind that we are seeking.

inspiration:

this post is inspired by and at some points directly lifted from edward art's "though false" video. i take zero credit for the ideas that he originally shared, i just wanted to add on my own interpretations and share it with the community so that more people could be inspired!

this post was also inspired by @alilarew23's post "what if god said yes?" i can't believe when i first wrote this that i didn't realize how deeply it was inspired by her incredible post, and only now after reading it again did it dawn on me 😭 i wanted to make sure this post of hers was linked because it is SO good; please give it a read if you want to feel wonderfully validated, safe, and comforted in the knowledge that your desires are YOURS!

steps:

decide what it is that you desire and let the daydreams begin - what do you naturally imagine happening? what do you hear? see/hear/feel/etc. the imaginal act that naturally comes up when you think about your desire (don't worry that you're not doing it right, it's simply a sweet daydream about what you desire)

next, ask yourself: if this desire manifested and really came true, what would that imply about me? what does the manifestation of this desire tell me about myself? get to the core of what the manifested desire says about you. for example, if you wanted wealth and you naturally visualized travelling the world with all the money you have and imagined that the scene was true, the core belief could be "i am free to do anything i want without barriers." if you wanted wealth and you naturally visualized seeing your bills paid off and imagined that the scene was true, the core belief could be "i am always safe and looked after financially."

we have now figured out what our desire says about us, and our next step is to ask god if what it says about us is true. since WE are god, we go within and ask, "God/Self/Subconscious, am I (insert the answer we found in step two)?" the example could be, "god, am i lovable? am i safe?" etc.

because we know that every desire we could ever want has already been said "yes" to no matter what, answer yourself as god: "yes!"

feel the feeling of relief - you now know that a) your desire will manifest, and also b) that you are everything that your desire implies about your wonderful self and that you now know that your affirmation of choice is true! how beautiful is that? repeat these steps however often you need peace.

as you can see, this takes you right to the feeling that you are trying to get achieve by manifesting your desires. we manifest to feel loved, happy, successful, wealthy, so why not feel those ways while we wait for our manifestation to show up? it gets us to the core of the belief and helps us figure out exactly what it is we are wanting to feel about ourselves. it makes the affirmation feel a lot more powerful and personal, and a lot more "guaranteed" knowing it is coming to you from yourself as god.

example:

lets say i have decided that i want to manifest a partner back, who ghosted me with no explanation and who chose someone else over me, and that it left me feeling worthless. the imaginal act that comes to my mind when i imagine him coming back and choosing me is my partner holding me tight, crying and apologizing for the pain he has caused, and telling me how much he missed me, loves me, and how badly he wants to rebuild trust and cherish me for the rest of our lives (💅)

if my desire came true, it would tell me that i am irreplaceable, lovable, obsess-worthy, worthy of affection and love, unforgettable, irresistible, etc. (how lovely that would be to feel!)

"bunny (god), i know that everything that i want has already been said yes to. does this mean that i am irreplaceable, lovable, obsess-worthy, worthy of affection and love, unforgettable, and irresistible?" (i would probably just use one hehe but you get the point).

knowing that i am god and that my word is law, i tell myself the beautiful "yes!" that i know is true! i feel the reality that i am lovable, i trust that god (myself) knows the truth and is powerful.

i relax, knowing that the inherent nature of god is a resounding "yes," and that that means i am already lovable, irreplaceable, etc.!

i hope that this exercise can bring you peace, remind you of your incredible worth and of how truly lovable and wonderful you are, and ensure you of the guarantee of your desires manifesting. if you have made it to the end of this post, please consider watching the "though false" lecture and ali's post "what if god said yes?" for even more validation and love!

love and hugs, bunny 💕

#law of assumption #manifestation #neville goddard #edward art #bunny's originals #manifesting #loassumption #loa #master manifester #affirmations #affirm and persist #manifesting method

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queers-gambit · 7 months

Text

Dinner At The Homesick Restaurant

( a 303-page novel by Anne Taylor )

prompt: behind closed doors, many families have secret turmoil. you experience your boyfriend's with him one fateful Christmas. or how Carmy finally made the decision to get away.

pairing: Carmen 'Carmy' Berzatto x female!reader pairing: Carmy x Peach

fandom masterlist: FX's The Bear

word count: 10.4k+

note: highly recommend the book. also let author write out her stress and trauma please, this was GOING TO get deleted but 10k is a lot of effort so please be kind in what you say.

warnings: spoilers, cursing, toxic family, small hurt and comfort, loving someone despite toxic situations beyond anyone's control, Lord's name in vain, a little of what happens after THAT scene, reader nicknamed Peach.

⚠️ season two, episode six spoilers

"What're you readin', Peach?"

You looked up through the lens of your glasses, smiling at your questioning boyfriend as his bare feet slapped the polished floors of the hotel suite you sought refuge in. You greeted with a soft tease, "Good morning to you, too, sunshine."

"Yeah, yeah. You're right, sorry, hi," he smirked, bending down to kiss your lips in greeting. "Been up long?"

"No, no, just about a chapter or so," you lied, not wanting him to know you've been up for hours out of sheer anxiety. "I made us some coffee, too."

"My perfect girl," he smirked, bending to kiss you again. "Want a refill?"

"I'm okay, thank you." It was quiet for a moment before you heard Carmy fucking around in the kitchen, trying to focus on the novel in your lap, but being most unsuccessful. "Don't forget about tonight," you called in reminder, wondering how to broach the subject before just ripping the Bandaid off.

"What's tonight, again?"

"Carmy."

"I'm kidding," he chuckled, exiting the kitchen to take a seat on the couch at your feet, bringing them onto his lap. "I know, we're gonna go over at, like, 2..."

You nodded absently, seeing the distant look in his eye. "Are you sure it's okay for me to come?" You wondered, nudging him with your foot.

"Hmm?" Carmy looked at you in confusion. "Peach, you've been before, why would it be weird now?"

"I don't know, I wasn't a girlfriend all those times I attended."

"Oh, you're a girlfriend this year? Hmm... To who?"

Your eyes rolled as you pinched him; loving the easy smile on his lips. "Not funny, I'm just trying to be sensitive to all parties," you pouted.

"I know," he allotted, taking a mouthful of coffee before setting his mug down. He started rubbing your feet and ankles, admitting, "I'm a little nervous, I guess..."

"I know."

"It's nice that you'll be there," he nodded, sighing. "They all still give me shit for going away."

"I know, and it's not fair to you," you assured, "you don't deserve that kinda treatment. Say the word, Bear, and we'll skip it."

"Too late now," he wiped his tired eyes. "I need a smoke, Peach."

"I'm gonna hop a shower."

"I'll be in," he smirked, standing with his coffee after gently lifting your feet from his lap. You watched him move for the balcony sans a shirt and frowned when your mind repeated the passage you had just read. Quickly, you opened your book again and read what made your heart so very heavy:

"'You think we're a family,' said Cody, turning back. 'You think we're some jolly, situation-comedy family when we're in particles, torn apart all over the place, and our mother was a witch.'"

The similarities were eery. You saw Carmy light up through the glass door of your rented hotel suite, knowing his family was falling apart and he was powerless to it all; they all were. Carmy, his siblings, any loved ones... You tossed the book on the table, stood, and moved for the balcony.

Carmy leaned on the railing, glancing over shoulder as your arms slithered around his middle. With a kiss to his bare shoulder, you whispered, "I love you, Cream. So much."

He took a long, steadying breath, but replied with full sincerity, "I know, and I love you, too, Peach. So much."

Yeah, that's right, bitches. You were Peaches and Cream. Did it get cuter than that? Didn't think so!

Another kiss to his shoulder and you promised, "I'll be with you the whole time."

"I know."

"You're not alone."

"I know," he sighed. "I just... I know what we're walking into."

"We'll get through it - whatever happens. C'mon, come get a shower with me. It'll save water and shit."

However, you probably used about twice as much because as obvious romp in the glass-stall started. When clean, you both got out, dried off, did your hair, then your make-up; then both getting dressed and ready for one helluva holiday.

On the way, you stopped to pick up flowers for Carmy's mother, Donna, keeping hold of the homemade peach cobbler you had prepared. The whole drive, Carmy kept a possessive hand on your thigh; his nerves showing through as he nervously tapped a rhythm to your flesh. You reminded him to breathe, but he couldn't focus long enough to keep himself regulated.

You tried distracting him with conversation, but nothing stuck for too long. You tried letting a hand thread into his curls, but it didn't soothe him like it usually did.

Arriving, you and Carmy just sat in your car for a long moment. You didn't rush him, you did't speak, you just held his hand with one hand as the other extended to toy with the hair at the nape of his neck; and waited for his move. "All right," he cleared his throat, throwing his cigarette butt out the window before rolling it up and cutting the engine. "You ready?"

"We got this," you assured softly.

"There you are," Carmy smirked, hands catching your waist as you tried to pass through the hall, "thought you ran outa here already."

"We're just warming up," you purred, his chest to your back; your arms crossed to hold onto his engorged biceps. You grinned as your foreheads met for a fleeting moment of peace.

"I'm really happy you're here," he whispered.

"Me, too."

"Love you, Peach."

"Love you, Cream," you sang, making him chuckle a little.

"You know, some of the guys thought you and I finally getting together is all some big cover story."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Mhm," he hummed, snuggling into your embrace as you both found a secular moment of seclusion to get in a much-needed recharge. "Say you're actually dating some hunky Italian model dude."

You hissed between your teeth, "So, so close, but he's actually French."

Carmy chuckled, then took a sobering breath and glanced over his shoulder. "Should get back. I found Mikey and Nat - they were on the front stoop, smoking."

"Good," you mused, turning in his embrace. "Gimme a kiss, please, then you can go," you pouted.

He looked up, then at you with mocking confusion, "But there's no mistletoe."

"I wanna kiss."

He snickered at your pouting, fat lip, leaning in to find your lips with his. There was a brief moment outside of time, space, and reality; and it was when you and Carmy kissed. God, was he a good kisser, albeit a bit wet, but still a damn-good kisser; and you relished every moment of it. His taste was like an intoxication. His hands hot. Smell prickled your sinuses delightfully. Body firm, love warm.

"Ewww," Fak gagged when he saw you two, "get a room, nobody wants to see that! Ugh! God!" He shuffled past you.

"Fak," you snipped, watching him pause.

"Sorry, Peach," he sighed, leaning in to peck your cheek. "You look beautiful as ever."

You hummed, patted his cheek, and then took Carmy's hand to enter the kitchen after Fak where Donna worked frantically. "Hi, Mama, Dee!" You greeted cheerfully, Carmy's hand already sweating.

"Oh! Hi, my baby, Peaches! Oh, good, good, good, you made it!" Donna rushed over to kiss your cheeks, hands held out to not get grease or sauce or fish on you. "You look so beautiful!" She gasped, "Oh, honey, you look - wow! Stunning! Just stunning!"

"Oh, you just like flattering me," you teased, feeling Carmy's hand tighten. "Something smells so fucking amazing - oh, this is going to be a dinner for the books, huh?"

"Who's flattering who now?" She laughed.

"It's not flattery when it's completely true," you laid on thick, hoping the compliments bulked up to fluff her ego enough to save the family from an inevitable breakdown later.

"Did you bring your cobbler?" She asked with glee.

"Of course," you beamed, "I couldn't come here without one, that'd just be criminal!" Donna laughed with you, and you thought now was a good time to ask, "Can I help with anything?"

"What? Oh! No, no, no, honey, Peaches, no, no, no, I just want you to get a drink and go talk - go mingle! It's the holidays!"

You looked at Carmy as she went back to cooking, flabbergasted as to what you could say. "I'm gonna stay, you go - sit," He whispered with pinched brows and nodding his head, rubbing your waist. "Go 'head, baby, it's okay."

"I could peel - "

"It's alright, Peach," he chuckled, pecking your lips. "Go." His lips moved to your ear, "I want you good and drunk by tonight so we can have really dirty sex later, huh?"

"Deal," you purred. "But I can sit over there - "

"Peach."

You glanced at Donna, then at Carmy, whispering, "I just want to help."

"I know, Peach. Not right now though, okay?"

"She likes me, though." He nodded in agreement, looking ready to cave. "Stop trying to get outta this, Carmy, and just accept it," you smirked. "I'm gonna get some wine and be back."

He hummed as you kissed him in parting, and when you exited, missed the way Donna smirked at Carmy, "Can't leave a room without a kiss? Didn't think you'd ever be so possessive, Carmy, honey."

"I'm not, she likes it," he eased. "Here, let me get that," he freed her hands, trying not to snap when she picked up her wine immediately after. Carmen got to work doing what his mother barked at him, but then the Faks came in, and you returned, and then Mikey arrived - it all turning into an overcrowded shit-show.

"Where's the cake!?" Donna worried.

"It's defrosting, Ma," Carmen answered.

"Ma, why don't you let him help you?" Mikey sneered. "It's, like, all he fucking does, he'd be great."

"What was that? Was that, like, a shot?" Carmy snapped.

"Baby, don't, c'mon," you tried, reaching for his waist to curl your fingers so he felt your long nails. Not too hard, just enough to assure him you had ahold of him.

But Carmen couldn't let it go, even when his mother tired to diffuse the siblings. He snarled at his older brother, "I'm the guy that does food. You're the guy that what? Y-Y-You, uh, start a hundred different businesses and have zero follow-through."

"Carmy, don't," you tried, but it was lost to the sea of voices all talking at once.

But his brother was antagonizing, his mother deflecting, and he snapped, "This is why - This is why I didn't wanna come home, why I didn't wanna bring Peaches home to you all."

You remained silent when his mother snapped, "Oh, fuck you!"

"What the fuck!? What!?"

"Why the fuck would you say that?" Donna snarled.

"It's fuckin' Christmas," Mikey tacked on. They both over lapped one another, and Carmy felt backed into a corner.

"Not in front of my girl, man, fuck," Carmy had snipped at them.

"Say the fuckin' words!"

Carmy paused, then answered, "I love you, guys."

His mother was pleased and kissed his cheek, going back to cooking as Mikey kissed Carm's head. He looked over at you, mutely taking your outstretched hand to give a squeeze for each count to five; regulate his breathing, and then nodding in assurance he was okay. He went back to doing whatever his mother directed. Before he could slip away, you leaned into his ear, whispering, "I'm gonna step out."

"Good," he nodded, glancing back at his mom - but Donna was distracted. "I'll find you soon," he promised, pecking your lips before you exited the kitchen.

"Hey! Hey, Peach!"

"Hi, Mikey," you smiled, looking up at him when you paused outside the kitchen.

"Listen, uh... I just, uh... Look, I know I put you in a weird position," he sighed, hand to the back of his neck.

"How so?"

"By callin' you... Textin' you..."

"You want to check on Carmy," you sighed, "and you're as good as my real brother, so, I don't mind."

"It feels wrong since, you know, y'all are together now or somethin'."

"Mikey," you eased, "I was your guys' friend first, then I was family, and then I was Carmy's girlfriend. If you need your friend or your sister, I'm here, but if you need Carmy's girlfriend, I'll have to tell him. Get it?"

He chuckled, "I knew you'd understand."

"All too well," you eased.

"He doin' all right...?"

"He will be. He's just," you took a pause to sigh, "really tired and stressed. He works really hard, Mikey... Like really, really hard. Like you wouldn't believe."

"Nah, I know, Peaches, I know."

"Might be nice for him to hear that sometimes."

"That's what I'm fucking talking about!"

You apologized and had to leave Michelle when you heard Carmen's elevated voice, excusing yourself to look around the corner and spot your boyfriend in some heated argument with his brother and his brothers best friend, who they called Cousin, Richie Jerimovich. You were about to step in when you froze, hearing the argument without the guys realizing you were standing there.

"Seriously?" Mikey laughed. "You seriously think you're gonna keep a girl like Peach? Man, we all know this is some bullshit fling, but seeing Claire Bear - Man Alive!"

"That doesn't even make sense!" Carmy snapped.

"Oh, c'moonnnn, Carmy," Richie groaned, "look, I love her, I do, but we all know there ain't no way Peach is, like, girlfriend material. She's still sowing her wild oats, you know, just, fuckin' around and shit!"

"Fuck did you say!?" Carmy snarled, lunging for Richie but being caught by Fak's faster hands. "Huh!? The fuck did you just say!? Callin' my girl a slut? Fuck are you on about - "

"No, I ain't say - "

"Better watch your fucking mouth," Carm growled, "and learn to respect our relationship 'cause neither of us are goin' anywhere. Peach is here to stay - like it or not - and she's here to stay with me!"

"But you had such the crush on Claire - "

"I had a crush on Peach, too!"

"But Claire - "

"Nothing about Claire, Jesus, fuck! I don't need y'all fucking meddling! Peach and i are good, fuck you doin' set me up with some other chick!? I don't want nobody else - I got the girl of my fuckin' dreams, fuck you guys doin' tryna ruin that!?"

"We're just tryna help you, man, talk you up, man! Fuck! Don't gotta sound so ungrateful - "

"You don't need to! You don't need to talk me up to anybody, you fuckin' idiots! I have Peach! I don't need you to talk me up because I'm good, okay? I'm good. I got Peach, I'm committed to her, so don't try to talk me up to anyone for any fucking reason - good intentions or not!"

"Y'all aren't even serious!" Mikey laughed loudly. "C'mon! Peach isn't a relationship kinda girl, ain't no way you're thinkin' y'all are gonna last or be some, like, serious thing. You're just bored! But we're telling you, man, Carmy, you don't gotta be anymore, 'cause Claire Bear is - "

"Not my fucking girl!" Carm snapped, temper loosening. "Fuck off! Ain't got nothing decent to say - then just shut the fuck up!"

They called Steven in and you panicked for a millisecond before evening your stride to look like you just arrived. "Hey," you smiled to the lads, "what's all the yelling about? Jesus Christ, it's like a holiday at my house when Meemaw comes to visit."

"I told you," Carmy's attitude directed at you, making you feel disarmed, "these assholes don't respect our relationship, they were trying to set me up with someone else."

You offered the others a stale look as your hand latched to Carmy's, sounding like a scolding mother, "Real mature, you guys. That's wildly disrespectful and it's hard not to take it personally."

"We don't mean it in a bad way, Peach," Richie sighed, "just that there's other options and neither of you have to settle."

"'Settle'?" Carmy laughed, and you had to readjust your stance to prevent him from charging. "You're forgetting Peach did whatever she could to make us work, she was loyal when none of y'all could bother answering the phone, and she always held me down. And then, when I was finally good, I promised her we could come home. So, you jagoffs owe her your thanks that we're even home this Christmas."

"None needed," you smiled, wanting to start screaming yourself but holding back for the sake of Carmen. "I'm sure their jealousy keeps them warm at night, who am I to take that from them by having them apologize?"

"Don't do that," Mikey groaned. "Get all high and mighty."

"How have I ever? You're the assholes shitting on your brother for having a girlfriend. Just 'cause you've all thought about me when self-pleasuring, doesn't mean take your jealousy out on our relationship."

The argument started up again, sighing as you didn't engage but instead tried to hold your boyfriend back when he bared his teeth at a few comments hurled at you both. You flinched away when Mikey started reaching for Carmy to physically pick at him, inciting his anger; making him snap back to not "fucking touch" him.

"Mikey, please," you tried to stave off, but Richie reached out and lugged a heavy arm around your shoulders. "Richie, for fuck's sake. C'mon, just fuck off. Mikey, don't fucking touch him - c'mon, guys!"

"Awh, you get so defensive for him, it's so cute," Richie laughed, jostling you a little as Mikey and Carmy still snapped and snarled at each other in the way only siblings could.

"'Cause y'all don't know how to fuckin' stop," you pushed Richie off you. But then...

"HEY!"

You flinched when a wooden spoon flew through the air to hit Stevie, who yelped in shock from the sting. "Hey! What the fuck?" He looked up and asked, "Auntie D, did you just throw a spoon at me?"

"Yeah, I did," Donna snarled, hanging in the doorway. "You, Richard, bring her the pop - "

"Deedee - "

"You, Carmen, I need you!"

This triggered another avalanche of voices to overlap one another. You moved towards Carmy as Mikey approached his mother, hearing Richie tell Carmen, "We're not done about this Claire Bear thing."

"Yes, you fucking are," you snapped, pushing Richie a half-step back. "Fuck off, Cousin, you're taking this too far."

"I only meant - "

"We all know what y'all mean, but go fuck yourself! We're happy, now either accept that or fuck off 'cause you're not gonna come between us. Go, goodbye, go, go, go tend to your pregnant wife - go, goodbye, fuck you," he tried to talk over you, sounding amused, "Merry Christmas, I love you and shit, but fuck you, go away."

He backed off as Stevie left the room, allowing you to turn for Carmy as he leaned on the arm of an armchair. His head shook and reached for you, bringing you in closer until his head rested on your stomach and his arms coiled in a vice grip. You frowned and thread your fingers through his hair, hearing his mother starting up another tangent about needing Carmen. With a sigh, he looked up at you, "Thank you."

"Hmm?"

"For just being here," he whispered. "I'm sorry about them."

"They're breaking your balls, baby," you smiled, curling his curls behind his ears. "C'mon, we should go help your mama."

Carmy sighed and stood to his feet, "You don't have to stay."

"But then how will I know you're okay?" You pouted, watching him smile and wrap his arms around your waist.

"I'm sorry about them," he whispered. "They don't - they don't know what the fuck they're talking about."

"It's okay," you matched his tone, ignoring your own burning-hot emotions. "They're just jealous."

He nodded, hearing his mother snarl something else about needing him; making Carmy sigh. His lips found yours in a slow kiss, pausing to lean his forehead on yours, "Really grateful you're here with me, Peach."

"Nowhere else I'd rather be, Cream," you grinned, starting to lead him back towards the kitchen.

"Hang on," he paused you, glancing around to see nobody lingering. "You know I love you, Peach, right?"

"And you know I'm very serious about this relationship, Carmy, right?"

He rested against you, breathing, "I know." Then his lips spread in a grin, "Gonna marry you one day, Peach."

"Good," you teased, but being honest, "because I can't see spending my life with anyone else but you, Cream. I mean, who else has a family this entertaining?"

He laughed as he followed after you.

"Help me, Peach, please, Goddamn it," Donna grunted, trying to lift a heavy, full cast iron pot. "There we go," she mused when you gabbed the other end to put it back on the burner. You didn't comment that it was the same pot she had Carmy move earlier, just doing as she asked.

She only let you in the kitchen because of Carmy.

Speaking of... "Behind, baby," Carmy muttered, a hand ghosting your waist as he moved. Sugar appeared and you only tried to minimize yourself as eight different timers were ringing for any unknown fucking reason.

Donna sent Carmy off to get saltines for a pregnant, nauseous Tiff, leaving you three women. "Oh!" Donna gasped, "You're almost empty! Here, here, Peach, here you go!" She cheered when she saw your nearly-empty wine glass. Sugar sent you a long look, and you knew this was eating her alive to watch her mother like this; but you hoped you were enough of a buffer for them.

A few minutes later, Donna asked if you could go grab another bottle of wine for you two to share. You froze, between a rock and a hard place; knowing you shouldn't but not wanting to upset the host. You had once done the same with your own mother, perhaps being a reason you didn't go home for holidays.

"Yeah, of course, one second, Miss Lady," you told Donna, sending a confused look to Sugar.

When you walked out, you nearly ran straight into Carmy. "Shit," he breathed, "sorry, baby, didn't mean to run into you like."

"It's okay, but where you goin', speed racer?"

"Mikey's gift," he actually grinned, watching you return his excitement after knowing how much thought he put in.

"You know we're doing exchanges later," you laughed lightly, watching him go. Finding the wine rack, you selected a bottle, and returned to the kitchen where Donna and Sugar were bickering. "Here," you smiled, setting the bottle down to uncork it.

"Thank you, honey," Donna purred, accepting your pour. When she turned for the stove again, you winked at Sugar and discreetly tipped the wine bottle over into the sink to drain it until it was about a quarter way full. "Carm? Where the fuck are my saltines?" She yelled.

When he returned, he gave his mother what she needed before approaching you. "Wanna take a break?" He mumbled.

"Dinner doesn't make itself, baby," you teased.

"Hmm," he hummed, pecking your neck, "I'm gonna run Tiff up some crackers."

You continued your work for several long minutes, when suddenly, Donna pulled one of the seven fishes from the oven. She turned, set it on the counter, but stumbled last second to accidentally knock her wine glass over. The shattering made both Sugar and Donna swear. You wanted to help, but Sugar was already on the floor trying to clean, causing Donna to seethe, "It's like I fuckin' have to do everything for everyone." You and Natalie tried to assure her, but she spoke over any reassurance, "No one fucking lifts a finger to help me."

"Look, I'm getting it right now!"

Donna leered over her daughter, making you freeze, "Can you just go upstairs and get Dad's gun out of my drawer," she held her thumb and pointer finger like a gun, muzzle to her temple, "and I think I'm just gonna blow my fuckin' brains out, and then you guys can make dinner - " Sugar tried to speak over her mother but was unsuccessful, "because I don't think anyone would fuckin' miss me!"

Natalie sobbed as she tried to say anything other than "No! You're okay!" When the older woman gabbed her daughter's cheeks in a pinching-hold, you felt like throwing up as the scene - the words - the actions - it was all too familiar to you. They still yelled over one another, but then, Steven entered the kitchen and disturbed them all.

He only got to greet, "Hey, Donna, Mama D - "

Before Donna screeched at him, "Oh, motherfucking asshole!"

"Out, out, out," You ushered, gently directing Stevie to the door; Sugar repeating what you said as Donna still snarled and yelled and insulted and cursed.

"Get the fuck out!"

"I'm so sorry, Stevie," you whispered when you pushed him out the door. "Thank you for offering, but we got it - it's okay."

You sniffled as Sugar collected the trash and promised to take it out; one of the timers ringing. Donna looked lost and confused as Sugar left, the matriarch whispering, "What's that for?"

"Is it the flounder?"

She didn't answer, lost in her mind, yet muttering, "Nobody would fuckin' miss me."

"Mama D?" You called, watching her startle back into reality. "Is that timer for the flounder?"

"Oh! Right! Yes!" She clapped, pointing at you, "And that's why you're my favorite, Peach. Tell you what," she scoffed, shaking her head, "don't you ever have kids. They fuckin' ruin everything, never show gratitude, never bother to help their fucking mother."

"Well, I'm not thinking about kids yet," you chuckled softly, hoping to distract her. "Still got a lot more life to live before that."

"Just don't do it," she spat. "Even with a sweet boy like Carmy, kids just ruin relationships. Marriage ain't no better, either. What - where's the fucking bread?"

"Here," you sighed, showing her the bread basket.

"Hey," Carmy entered the kitchen, looking exhausted, "can I talk to you for a second, Peach?"

"If your Mama doesn't need me," you nodded, not wanting to tell him too much about what you witnessed.

"I need you everyday, honey," she spoke softly, leaning in to peck your cheek, "but it's fine, it's fine - I don't need help. Go with Carmy. Go, go, go, go."

"Holler if you need us," you smiled, "even if it's just for hot gossip."

"My girl," she teased gently with a wink.

"C'mon," Carmy muttered, taking your hand, and leading you out a side door. He glanced around a few times, finally finding a secluded part of the house. When he came to a halt, you did too, and he sighed as his hands took your waist, "Sugar told me to come rescue you. Said something happened with Mom and I should check on you? The hell happened?"

You shrugged, "Just... Sometimes I forget what family feels like. I left mine for a multitude of reasons, maybe I feel like I fit in better with you Berzatto's. Mama D just got frustrated, and it reminded me of my mom. I wasn't scared, but I think I was triggered."

He nodded, "You need a break."

"I'm okay, I promise."

"You're not," he sighed. "You shouldn't be on the frontlines against her. Okay? It's too stressful for anyone and I need you with me. I need you whole. You know? Need you intact for me, and Ma's only gonna rip you to shreds."

You pouted, "I just... I thought if I helped, she'd feel calmer, maybe save you guys from taking her shit. We used to cook all the time together..."

Carmen sighed, reaching for your cheek to caress your jaw, "You really are a sweetheart." Carmy leaned in and claimed a kiss from your lips, making you both sigh in contentment. When he pulled back, Carmy whispered, "I love you, Peach."

"I love you, too, Bear."

"Carmy!"

He whined, deflating on your shoulder at his mother's cry. "Holidays are almost over, baby. Gotta hang on for a bit, I need you intact, too."

You parted ways, Carmy returning to the kitchen as you meandered around the rest of the rooms, peaking into each of them. "Hey!" Someone cheered, making you look up to a separate doorway leading to a sitting room.

"Oh, shit, hey, Pete!"

"Peaches!"

"Just Peach!"

He laughed and accepted your hug, "Merry Christmas! Happy holidays, seasons greetings, warm tidings, and shit."

"You, too," you cooed, glancing at the tin in his hand. "Oh... Y-You brought something?"

Pete blinked as the room snickered. "Yeah? It's... It's tuna casserole."

"And you brought fish... Why?"

"'Cause it's the Feast of Seven Fishes - "

"And by bringing tuna, it'd be eight fishes."

He sighed, "Yep, so I keep being told."

"I mean, good intentions, honey, but wildly misplaced," you winced. "Probably shouldn't let Carmy see..."

And of course, when you said that, your boyfriend came from behind to clap his hands and call, "Hey, family!" He tried to announce dinner but Pete was too happy to cheer loudly and greet your lover. "Woah, woah, woah. What the fuck is that?" Carmy demanded when he saw the aluminum dish tin.

"Don't tell him," Michelle voted.

"What do you mean, 'don't tell him?'" Mikey followed.

"It's nothin', it's nothin', I - "

"Peach," Carmy looked at you, making you freeze, "what is this? What is that? Peach, the hell is that?"

"Um, well," you tried to smile in reassurance, taking his stiff hand, "you know, you're gonna get mad, but Pete's heart was in the right place."

From behind, "Uncle" Lee told Carmy, "It's a tuna casserole."

You saw the way Carmy locked in on Pete, taking a half-step back but not letting go of his hand. "It's seven fishes, Pete," Carmy snapped. It started a new wave of slander. By the end, his hand was clamped around yours in a vice, leading you through the room and telling Pete, "Just don't let her see. Don't let her see!"

"Dinner," you reminded the room, following Carmy as Sugar passed to approach her husband.

"Wanna help me dress the desserts table?"

You nodded in agreement, and together, you and Carmy brought out all kinds of dishes to leave on the table. You were bringing out the peach cobbler you brought when you caught the tail-end of whatever Michelle was telling Carmy. "That's so nice," you interrupted, moving between the two to set down the cobbler, "offering up your place like that, but we have one."

Her head cocked, asking in interest, "You do?"

"My family does," you nodded.

"Well, think about what I said," Michelle told Carmy. "Would love to see you guys in the city," she smirked at you.

"Yeah, all right, sure," he agreed. When she left, you turned on your boyfriend with confusion, but he only sighed, "She was recommending I get away from this family-drama bullshit."

You shrugged, "Not a half-bad idea."

"We'll see..."

"Carmy," you frowned, "we'll do whatever is best and right for us. Okay? Nothing more or less."

"I hear you," he muttered.

"And I just got confirmation that we can use the apartment in Manhattan," you told him. "So, whenever we're ready to go, we can go, okay? We don't have to shack up in a hotel room for much longer."

"I don't mind it," he eased. "I'll make a decision... I'll make a decision by this weekend about New York, okay?" You agreed, him looking over your shoulder before taking your hand. "Dinner's on," he reminded, feeling your hand snake around his waist to rest; letting his arm raise to accommodate you, latch around your shoulders, continuing forward to the dining room.

However, before entering, you pulled Carmy to a halt. "Hey, hey," you smiled, turning him to face you, "I'm really proud of you for coming home. I know it's not easy, but you're so brave for going through this."

"'Brave'?" He scoffed.

"Brave," you agreed, nodding. "People associate it with knights slaying dragons, but in my opinion, it takes far more bravery to stand up to family than it is a stranger. Takes more bravery to confront those that haunt your home than it does to confront a literal dragon. Hmm?"

Carmy reached a hand out to curl a strand of hair behind your ear. "How'd you get so insightful?"

"That bullshit college you, Mikey, and Richie all roasted me about going to them years ago? Yeah, uh-huh, that education paid off."

"Didn't do shit for your grammar, though, did it?"

"Hush," you laughed, pinching his sides to make his squirm.

You and Carmen entered the dining room to see mostly everyone in their seats; slowly making it to your own on the other side of the table. "Here, Peach," Natalie smiled when you sat between her and Carmy; her at the head of the table. "Got you a refill," she set your wine glass in front of you.

"You're a literal angel."

"I have a question," Cicero addressed your half of the table as Carmy got up to check on his mother. "I heard why we call Sugar, Sugar, but where did the nickname 'Peach' come from?"

"Oh," you smiled at him, "Miss Mama Dee taught me to bake and helped me perfect this peach cobbler recipe. I brought it to all my family events, work events, and when I attended, all my school events. Since then, it just stuck as a name."

He hummed and nodded, offer a silent toast with his glass as Carmy returned - looking mildly startled.

You heard Michelle asking if she could start the process to dish up what she wanted to her plate, Carmy assuring her to wait until Donna; she was coming out at any minute. You leaned back in your chair, nuzzling your boyfriend's side; his hand latching around your upper knee to keep you close with you hugging his arm. "All right?" He mumbled, glancing down at you.

"Are you?"

"Mhm."

"What'd your mom say?" You whispered, feeling him stiffen. "Carmen, please..."

"She's upset, stressed; says nobody cares, nobody makes shit beautiful," he whispered frantically.

"Okay," you soothed in his ear, "just breathe, baby, I need you to breathe. Shh," his head was bowed so you pecked his cheek, "she's just stressed from the holidays. We all know how she gets."

He sighed and nodded, caressing the skin of your leg he had been gripping tightly. "Hey, Mikey?" Michelle asked sweetly.

"Yeah?"

"You wanna say grace?"

Mikey gave an awkward sort of chuckle, relenting, "I don't know, cousin. This motherfucker gonna cut me off?"

You blinked and reached for your wine, intrigue peaking. Uncle Lee, who the jab was directed at, cleared his throat and answered, "It depends. Uh, is it a grace we've heard a million times before?"

"Okay, okay," Cicero stepped in.

You offered, "Well, good Christians know the prayers 'cause they're said a million times, right? Huh?"

"Yeah!" There was another round of agreement, desperate to direct the attention away from the two men.

"Does that mean you wanna lead grace, Peach?" Jimmy asked.

"Oh, no, no, I think the honor should go to Stevie."

"Can I please not?" Steve blanched at the thought of public speaking.

His wife, Cousin Michelle, changed the subject by asking about the Feast of Seven Fish. Before you or anyone else could truly answer, Uncle Lee was overpowering everyone to give his explanation; trying to make a joke at the end about a Dutch oven by Baby Jesus' manger that burned him or something. You gasped when Mikey lobbed a fork at him, making a buzzer noise while he did.

"Oh," Carmy realized when you did, stretching his arm out to extend over you like a seatbelt; fork clattering to the floor.

"Did you just throw a fork at me!?"

"I did!" Mikey sang, chuckling to himself. "See, that's the thing, Lee, see, 'cause... Y-You see what you did, right? You remember you already bitched about the Dutch oven. See, you did that before."

"Michael," Cicero tried to diffuse, but Mike was deflecting like usual.

"And you fucking cut Peach off," Mikey snarled. "Trying to prove you're the smartest, right? Wanna answer a question that she'd answer the best? Last I checked, she studied different religions in college, so, why the fuck would you want to answer - instead of Peach - if not to just make a repeated, shitty joke?"

It made Carmy now bark, "Mike, hey, don't bring Peach in this, okay? Please, just - just chill out."

But Lee was just getting started. He was scolding Michael, and in the process, stuttered just a bit, but it was enough of a visible weakness. Mike started mocking Lee for his words and delivery, just angry at the 'uncle' without knowing directly what truly bothered himself. In fact, riding high on his angry adrenaline, Mikey looked over and asked for Fak's fork, but the tattooed family-friend wasn't too willing to hand it over; hoping this would pass and settle.

Mikey just reached for Fak's fork himself, promising he just wanted to borrow it. Yet he launched it in the air to throw at Lee again, the entire table voicing their discomfort and displeasure. Everyone tried to diffuse the tension; desperate to muddle the tension enough so it did not, at the least, escalate.

"Carmy," you worried, holding his protective arm, "we should do something. I can get Mikey out of here - "

"No," he muttered sharply, "you don't need to be so physically close to that kind of behavior."

You felt the air shift when Mikey told Lee he could throw forks if he wanted to because they were in his father's house. The tension brewed and your boyfriend looked more and more uncomfortable; leaning into his side enough to get him to do the same and lean into you while both sat rigidly.

Now Lee lit into Mikey in front of everyone about how he was living with his mother still, borrowing money from her and anyone else who listened to Mikey's "bullshit". Now Cicero was pushing back at Lee, not appreciating the turn of events after being labeled a "sucker" by Lee only moments prior.

However, Mikey stepped back in, assuring Cicero it was "fine" that he wanted to mouth off - and Lee angrily repeated it. But he was far from being over; starting a new tangent, calling Mikey a loser. Then he started to throw the man's drug use in his face, telling Mikey to look through the fog and understand that there'd be consequences if he threw another fork.

It was quiet.

Nobody said a word as they all waited for Mikey's reaction. Carmen appeared on high alert, waiting for someone to make a move in case he had to jump in. Mikey asked Pete for his fork, picking it up, and creating a new tidal wave of voices all begging Michael not to do shit. To put the fork down. To not do a fucking thing. Over all the voices, it was Sugar's that cut above; reminding her brother she loved him, begging him not to do this.

Stevie giggled nervously, apologizing for it - claiming he giggled when uncomfortable. But Mikey encouraged him NOT to apologize, to fucking giggle and, "enjoy this," 'cause, "this is fun!"

You were so fucking nervous for whatever was to come.

Carmy's one arm was extended over you, the other crossed over his own body to hold your hand through the arm of the chair he sat in. Cicero tried to diffuse everything, Carmy's voice snapping support; but nothing was truly registering in Mikey's brain. In fact, he stood, and Lee flinched when he moved as if to throw the fork; guffawing at and mocking the man's reflexes. This only created an opening for Lee to, again, take shots at Mike's drug use; claiming his flinch was a reflex, something someone had when their nerve endings weren't fried - like a junkie's. Naturally, it caused an entirely new fight.

One where, during which, Mike brayed and screeched like an animal; and by the end, it was Lee telling Michael to throw the fucking fork so he had an excuse to rock his shit. At this point, you were ready to scream and support the violent display if just to get this over with. Lee snarled and repeated that Mikey was "nothing", and for a moment, you thought all hell was about to break loose.

Yet you wouldn't ever know. "There she is," Cicero clapped, directing the attention towards Donna as she entered at long last. You looked at Carmy and squeezed his hand, leaning in to quickly peck his lips in reassurance. The table clapped for their drunk host, watching her dance to her seat with a full glass of wine and burning cigarette; asking them all what she missed.

"I missed something," she grinned. "Peaches? What'd I miss?"

"Hmm? Oh, uh," you cleared your throat, "we were just discussing the tradition of the Feast of Seven Fishes."

"Boo," she pouted.

"Actually, Ma, Stevie, uh, Stevie was about to say grace," Mikey deflected.

"Not Peach, who studied religion?" Lee mocked.

"Oh, honey, that would be so cool," Donna nodded at you.

"I think I'd like to hear Stevie's prayer," you smiled, "but if he fucks it up, I'll take over."

Donna giggled before sniffling and composing herself while Michelle reassured her husband enough to encourage him to lead the family prayer. You half-listened, distracted by your boyfriend's body language. His hand still held yours, but now, he was sitting up with the other hand covering his mouth. The table was shockingly quiet as Stevie spoke, everyone listening; liking his impromptu speech about love, family, holidays, and bears.

By the end, everyone was softly complimenting the man; his wife hugging him; Mikey even voicing a compliment. However, you were distracted by Donna's reaction as she sniffled her tears, wiped her face, and took deep, dramatic sighs. Cicero laid his hand on her shoulder in comfort, but Donna picked up her cig and muttered, "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter."

"Oh, Donna," Michelle cooed.

"It doesn't," she whispered.

As the table took turns trying to assure Donna that everything was gorgeous, you noticed the rigid way Carmy sat. "Baby," you whispered, watching him glance at you before leaning back a bit and wrapping his arm around you in an effort to remain close. However, before anyone could do anything, Sugar was asking those two words that triggered her mother:

"You okay?"

"Oh, my God," a few people muttered softly, Carmy and Mikey looking the most distraught by her words. Your lips pursed in nerves, watching Donna like a ticking time bomb; Carmy's hand sweating, leaving you anxious.

"Oh, Natalie," Donna sneered, "Rose Berzatto, do you know how much I fucking hate when you ask me that?"

"Okay," Sugar whispered, bowing her head, averting her eyes.

"Do you know," Donna enunciated, "how much I fucking hate - "

"Let's go upstairs."

" - that you have to do that!"

"Okay," Sug whispered again.

"D-Do you ask the rest of these people if they're okay?"

"No."

"N - " Donna stuttered, revving up. "Do I not look okay, Natalie?"

"Not really," Michelle answered as if without thought she had verbalized it, shaking her head.

You wanted to step in, you did; you own mother was an unmedicated, raging narcissistic, bipolar maniac with a drinking problem. You knew how to handle people like this... But this wasn't your fight, this wasn't your family; you were a mere guest, there to support your boyfriend in any way you could.

Donna glared at Michelle as Sugar offered to go upstairs again. However, the matriarch snapped, "Oh, fuck you, Michelle."

"Hey, hey, hey, hey," Carmy tried to rein his mother in.

"I didn't mean it like - "

"Do I not look okay? Did I not just bust my ass all day for you motherfuckers!?"

"I didn't mean it like that," Michelle rushed, looking down - like the others.

"This!" Donna stood, both hands gesturing to the table, "Is beautiful! Am I okay!?" She whipped around to glare at her daughter. "Am I okay!?" And then... She glared at you, "Well, let's ask, are you okay, Peach? Huh? Are you okay not having family invite you around for the holidays so you come here to fill a void and overcompensate by inserting yourself where you're not even wanted?"

You froze, brows furrowing. What had you done to deserve this unprovoked attack? You were used to it from your own mother, but that was because you were her child and it was an easy attack. This, however, was someone without blood relation laying into you about some deeper-seeded insecurities. Sure, you missed your family, but they were wildly unpredictable, unsupportive, unwelcoming, judgmental, harsh, and constantly at your throat about things that they had no business having an opinion on in the first place. It was better you stayed away - something Carmy still had to reassure you about, so to hear his mother use it against you stung beyond words.

"Hey, hey, woah," Cicero tried, Mikey voicing his own displeasure, but Carmy's was the most prominent.

"Don't bring Peach into this, Ma, please - "

"Are you motherfuckers okay!?" Donna screeched, silencing them all. "Are you okay, Lee?" She mocked. "You didn't do shit! This is fucking gorgeous!" She glared around the table she had gestured at, then, picked up a plate as she roared, "FUCK!" Then she smashed the plate to the floor, "YOU!"

You didn't flinch when you heard the shatter, instead, reaching a hand up to hold Carmy's cheek and keep him turned from the sight. One of his hands held your elbow, a way he communicated to assure you that he liked your touch.

"Fuck you!" Donna directed at the table again. Then, she muttered and pointed at Sugar, "Fuck you." Donna made her exit, sobbing, "Fuck you, Natalie."

The door slammed and you were left in a tense, ear-ringing silence. Slowly, your hand drifted off Carmy's cheek to just sit in silence, both your hands holding his. Nobody was sure what to say, and frankly, nobody wanted to be the first who broke the silence...

Until Lee exhaled deeply and opened his mouth - like he was some prominent member of the family, "Well, I guess we all knew that was gonna happen. So it's out, and, uh, maybe everybody - everybody can relax, huh?"

Your head shook.

"Yeah, that's, uh... That's the worst I've ever seen her," Michelle noted.

You wanted to snap that the mentally ill deserved kindness and respect like every other person. Perhaps they require a different sort of understanding, but you know what? Humans are humans for many reasons, one being the ability to empathize, and it wouldn't kill them all to try and offer Donna more understanding.

Especially in times of high stress!

However, nobody got to comment because Mikey let his temper flare from Lee's words. He picked up Pete's fork and lobbed it at an unsuspecting Uncle Lee; the metal utensil clattering to the floor, making Lee immediately snap, "You fuckin' piece of shit!"

Mikey rose to meet the challenge, purposefully overturning the poker table used as an extension off the "main" table; sending everything shattering to the floor as the Fak Brothers had to hold either enraged man back. It was a frenzy: Mikey and Lee yelling, Brothers holding them back, Cicero, Michelle, and Steve standing to get away from the fight as Cousin Richie directed pregnant Tiff to go with Uncle Jimmy.

Carmy rose, too, but you shot out of your chair, pleading over the noise, "Don't, please, not you."

He sighed at you, remaining put as you watched the escalated fight wage in the dining room. Richie was caught in the middle, trying to retain space between the feuding men; but it was all so very surreal due to Mikey just literally screaming to make himself feel big, bad, and heard. All of a sudden, in the very next room, there came a distant scream before a fucking car came barreling through the living room wall.

You had flinched into Carmy out of shock, and for a moment, nobody even so much as fucking breathed. Mikey was the first, approaching the car and begging for his mother to open the door; asking her what she had done; to please open the fucking door. Sugar remained seated, rooted in her spor; Carmy only moving like a zombie to get a better look - not believing his eyes. Everyone else was in shock and you just felt something click into place in your heart, mind, and gut.

No, you mother had never driven a car through the house, but you weren't a stranger to dramatic displays.

"Okay, okay," you cleared your throat, slipping past Carmy to moved for Mikey. "Hey, hey, hey, hey," you caught hold of him, pulling him off the vehicle, "you need to step back, okay? I'm gonna get it open, I'll get her to a hospital."

"No cops," Richie snapped.

"No cops," you agreed, "hence why I'll take her."

Mikey only shuffled when you stepped up, picked up a brick from the rubble, and with pristine accuracy and strength, shattered the back, drivers side window. Moving swiftly, you reached around to unlock the driver's door - yelping when Donna literally bit you.

"Fuck's sake, stop biting!" You snapped, unlocking the door and wrenching your arm free as you opened the door at the same time. "Donna, hey, hey, hey," you knelt, "you hurt? Hey, Donna, it's Peach, c'mon, I need you to tell me if you're hurt!"

She only cackled manically as she tried to stave you off.

You steeled yourself and lifted up only to keep at a bend so you could scoop Donna out. She started thrashing and you had to set her down, groaning, letting Mikey step in.

"She needs to get checked out right now," you told him.

"C'mon," Jimmy agreed as he stepped up, "I'll drive."

Mikey nodded in agreement and carried his mother out of the house, allowing you to sit in the car and shut it off. When you stood and looked around, there was still a heavy air of shock. Glancing at the damage behind you, you figured maybe you could back the car out so you could start cleaning.

"Richie, why don't you take Tiff home, I'm sure she's exhausted," you recommended softly.

"Nah, I'll help clean," he told you.

"Sure?"

"Yeah," he sniffled.

"Mind helping me get the car, you know, out of the living room?"

"Tell me what to do, baby girl."

Richie drove as you sat passenger, directing him; the two of you working to get the car in reverse and out of the wall. You got out to direct him the rest of the way, and left the car in the garage. When you got back in, you noticed that Sugar and Carmy were both gone, and you went into what your boyfriend called "Mama Bear Mode."

Tiff was allowed to rest upstairs, Michelle and Stevie left, and the Fak's left to go get you tarps and other equipment from their house since all stores were closed. You went outside and fought the cold to grab a wheelbarrow from the community garden shed about half a block away, and bringing it to the hole. Richie grabbed some snow shovels and dust pans and brooms, and together, you got to work on cleaning. It took the better part of a 3ish hours, things going a little faster when the Faks returned; helping pick up, sweep, and dump the material out of the house. They brought ladders and huge tarps, getting up to the wall to start installing the material to prevent the horrendous draft sure to come in.

Several times, the boys told you to sit - but you couldn't. So, you worked. And when it was done, you let the men to sweep the remains as you noticed the dining room still in disarray. Any layers of clothing you wore were shed, hair pulled off your neck and away from your face; preparing for the longest clean-up job you'd know.

You stored all food, organized the dirty dishes with the ones in the kitchen still, then worked on clearing space. The table was freed and you took advantage to lay out some bath towels, then getting to work. The reason you had organized the dishes was because you could wash all plates and set them in the drying rack; when done, you'd use a separate towel to dry the dishes and stack them on the dining room table.

Same for all saucers, utensils, glasses - water cups, wine glasses, and anything someone used for a stronger liquor.

Your feet ached, back protested, ears rang with the aftermath of the night. Richie took Tiff home, the Faks heading out as well; leaving you alone in the Berzatto house with only Carmy and Sugar.

You still worked so they wouldn't have to later.

Dishes stacked on the table, your fingertips pruned from the water, the sink decently filthy from food-waste. You didn't notice the time had passed until a pair of arms came wrapping around your waist - making you jump from being startled. But the tattoos on the hand was enough to assure you the man's identity; lips finding purchase on the slope of your neck and shoulder.

"You don't have to do this," Carmy whispered.

"I'm almost done," you promised, setting another bowl to the rack. "Where you been?"

"With Sugar. She was pretty upset, so, Pete and I were with her."

You nodded, "Good. She okay now?"

"She's asleep."

"You should be, too."

"You know I don't like sleeping without you," he sighed, and you felt his frown. "I'm... I'm really sorry."

"For what?"

"For us coming this year."

"I'm not," you promised. "It's okay, we'll take it in stride."

"It shouldn't be like this."

"No, it shouldn't. You deserve better, Carmy," you whispered, leaning back into his embrace - his arms tightening. "Heard from Mikey?"

"Yeah, he said the ER was still running a few tests," he sighed. "Might be another hour or more."

You nodded, "Gimme another few minutes and I'll be done."

"No, you won't," he chuckled. "Lemme help."

"Wanna dry?"

"Got me doin' dishes again, huh?" He smirked.

You matched it, "Take you back to the good ol' days?"

Carmy nodded, and for a few minutes, you worked in silence. It went smoother with help: you washing, him drying. When all was washed, you drained the sink with the garbage disposal, washed the basin out, and then started cleaning off the counters, stove, microwave, and any other appliance or surface Donna might've splattered on. Carmy noticed your system of dishes and did his best to match it, then mopping up the floor.

When you were both done, it was well past midnight and your adrenaline was waning. You eyed your boyfriend for a long moment, slowly approaching him after drying your hands; mimicking him from earlier and wrapping your arms around his middle. You felt Carmy give a long sigh, dropping one of his hands to hold yours on his stomach. "I love you," you reminded softly.

Carmy turned slowly, facing you with a soft, ginger expression. Both his hands rose to ghost over your cheeks, whispering, "I'm so fucking in-love with you."

Your smile was easy, "Yeah?"

"Mhm."

"Good."

He smirked, placing his forehead to yours. "Things got a little crazy," he whispered, "but I'm really glad you were here with me."

"I promise you, Carmy, I don't want to be anywhere else."

He sighed, pulling away to admire you for a long moment. "Even when Ma attacks you outta nowhere?"

"Even then," you promised softly. "Carmy, you forget, I had a mother very similar. Our relationship won't ever be the same, but the times I was around her, it taught me to walk on eggshells around someone. You're not alone in this and I promise, it doesn't scare me."

"Scares me..."

You nodded, stepping into his embrace, "I know, baby, I know. I'm so sorry. It'll get better, y-you'll find ways to deal with it all. Okay? I'm here with you."

His arms tightened, muttering, "Don't leave me, too."

"Not even if you beat me off with a stick," you teased. "Do you wanna go to bed, Cream?"

"Please," he groaned.

"You go up, I'll be there soon."

"You're not comin' up with me?"

"I think someone should be up when they get home."

Carmy sighed, "Probably..."

"Go to sleep," you encouraged, "I'll be up when they get in. I'll make sure Donna gets to bed, all right?"

"Nah, nah, I'll wait with you. Lemme grab some pillows and shit for us."

You didn't stop him, knowing you couldn't even if you tried. So after doing one last loop around the house, cleaning whatever needed it, you met Carmy in the second sitting room (the one Donna didn't drive into). He had a couple of pillows down and a comforter, changed into a pair of sweatpants and a muscle tank top. "Give me a minute to get changed," you whispered against his lips, hearing him hum in agreement.

You brought an overnight bag in case you were too tired to drive, now grateful for being "over prepared".

When you were matching in loungewear, you crashed on the couch with Carmy under a cushioned blanket. He was laid down the expense of the couch, you nestled between him and the back cushions. "How'd you do it?" He mumbled.

"Hmm?"

"Deal with your ma?"

"Put a lot of distance between us, enforced boundaries even if it made me the bad guy. Started therapy, read a lor of self-help books. All in all, I learned she was abusive in a different way and it affects me and all my relationships."

He sighed, "Think i gotta do the same."

"What's that?"

"Create distance... Think New York's far enough?"

"It'll have to be," you mused, snuggling close as Carmy picked up with phone. He mindlessly scrolled through his social media, you watching; the exhaustion catching up to you both, making you start to doze, but abruptly woke up when the front door burst open.

"I got her," Mikey waved you both off as you tried to yank off the tangle of blanket, assisting his drugged-up mother to her room after kicking the door shut.

When he returned, you and Carmy were sat up in interest. He sighed and tapped a cigarette from the carton, telling you both, "She's okay, minor concussion and shit... Nothing we can't handle, right? I'll be back." He excused himself out the front door.

You spared Carmy a look, frowning when those wide, baby blues locked with yours. "She's okay," you reminded softly, "and I'm here with you." You saw the fear flash in his eyes. "Carmy, you're not like anyone in your family - you're not like anyone I've ever known. You won't end up like them, you're not gonna slip off the deep end 'cause of their curse. It's sink or swim, and fuck's sake, I've got an extra life preserver, okay?"

He smirked, "What would I do without you or your analogies?"

"Get really boring advice," you teased, letting him kiss you. When you pulled back, you whispered, "She won't ruin you. I won't let anything tear you down."

He paused for a long while, nodding, "Think we should go to New York, then."

"I think so, too. You can't linger here, Carmy, or else you're going down with them all and I can't do anything to help. If we stay here, Cream, I'm afraid for what it'll do to us, and if you stay with your family, there's no telling what they'll do or make you feel." You told him softly, "Don't let them step in the way of what you want, Carmy. Don't let them dictate your life anymore than they do. You deserve a life, you deserve to live away from this toxic bullshit - to truly find and establish yourself without their extra dead weight."

He nodded sadly, wiping a hand down his face.

His eyes bulged naturally, and now, you could see clearly the red tinge from repressed tears and the swollen, blotchy skin from him rubbing so frequently.

"Carmy?" You waited until his eyes met yours. "Just because they're your family doesn't mean you're gonna end up like them. You're aware of the stress, turmoil, and abuse that's generated, and with this knowledge comes the ability to break cycles. Baby," you whispered, resting your foreheads together, "you are not the same, you can always choose to do better... To be better... To recognize slippery slopes and pull yourself back. They're your blood, yes, but that doesn't automatically mean you guys are the same now - or that you'll become like them in the future. You're different, Carmy... You're so different, you're going to do amazing things - they'll all see. And one day, I'll tell you, 'Told you so,' but it can all start today, if you want."

"You're right," he agreed, sighing deeply as he pulled away from you. "I do want that - I want us to get away and go live. We'll go..." He nodded in assurance, sniffling before pecking your forehead, "We'll go to New York and get the fuck away from this bullshit. It's not healthy, can't sustain ourselves here."

"For the time being," you corrected, "because never say never when thinking of returning home. But we've still got a lot of life to live before we settle down, right?"

"Right," he whispered, staring at you like you hung the moon and stars. "What would I do without you, Peach?"

"I imagine you'd be bored as hell," you teased, pecking his lips.

When Mikey returned, he found Carmy sprawled out on the couch with his arms tightly caging you to his chest; both looking utterly exhausted from the hectic holiday. He almost felt guilt for the rush to his blood from the drugs he used outside, knowing neither of you would be proud of him, and seeing you both look so at-peace solidified in his mind that he wouldn't burden either of you with his woes. So he vacated the front lobby just as your head lifted in confusion - feeling as if you had been watched and waking up.

However, when your burning-for-sleep eyes didn't see anyone, you settled back against Carmy.

rules and requesting masterlist

The Bear masterlist

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exhuastedpigeon · 2 months

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Buddie Hiatus Fic Recs - Day 1 Fics posted between May 15 - June 15

This is the first of probably 9 rec lists that I'm hoping to put out before the 911 premier! Each list will cover a month, starting with the day of the finale and wrapping up the day before the premier.

0-5k wedding bells by renecdote / @renecdote Gen | 1.9 In which Buck and Eddie plan a wedding.

You Should've Just Kissed Me by chronicallystendan / @chronicallystendan Teen | 2.3k Set after the Poker Date Night, Buck overhears Eddie talking about being set up on a date and wonders aloud why Eddie doesn't just explain that he's already in a relationship - with Buck.

let me see them tan lines by 42hrb Teen | 2.8k Four times the 118 notices Eddie Diaz's ring tan line and one time he was wearing a ring.

The Toothbrush Correlation by MidnightJen Gen | 3.1k ‘A toothbrush?’ Hen repeated dubiously, eyebrows high and tone extremely dubious.

‘A toothbrush,’ Eddie confirmed.

The one where Buck has Celiac Disease by buddiefication (pumpkincreamcoldbrew) / @911onabc Gen || 3.3k Buck has celiac disease. He’s also in love with his best friend. His best friend who has a girlfriend. Somehow, these things keep colliding.

Love is stored in the kitchen by toomanybats / @buckstummy Explicit | 3.6k Eddie loses his mind on a Wednesday morning. The thing is that Buck has been around a lot more lately. Like a lot more. Like twenty four hours a day more, his whole apartment building is being fumigated, apparently. The problem is that it’s been like, two entire weeks, and Eddie is only a mere mortal.

take my hand (knot your fingers through mine) by rainbow_nerds, ransomdrysdale / @rainbow-nerdss Teen | 4.1 what 6x18 could've been, pre-relationship

all i ever wanted was a life in your shape by tuckergreeen / @henwilsonmd Gen | 4.3k Pre-relationship | Buck buys a new couch, and a few other things that happen after the bridge collapse.

you'll feel the rush of it all by oklahoma / @malewifediaz Explicit | 4.7k Buck convinces Eddie to fuck him while they're on the clock at the station—even if it’s just the tip. To nobody's surprise, Eddie folds easily.

5k-10k please don't take this feeling (if I wanted to, I'd be alright) by rowan_wood / @transboybuckley Gen | 5.1k Double Dates, getting together, love confessions

totally not interrupting. at all. by magicisrealforme Gen | 5.2k Maddie's bored and misses her brother so she decides to drop by. She didn't expect to see Eddie there.

ring the bells by thelikesofus / @the-likesofus Gen | 5.3k Buck starts frequenting a coffee shop near the firehouse in hopes of running into the beautiful man whose coffee he mistakenly drank.

mark me like a bloodstain by MonsterRae1 / @monsterrae1 Mature | 6k In a universe were your soulmarks appear when your soulmate is badly injured, Buck think's his died, until his best friend gets shot in front of him and he finaly figures out it was Eddie all along.

not all of us are heroes (not all of us are brave) by withmeornotatall / @chronicowboy Gen | 6k buck and natalia break up, eddie decides to introduce his girlfriend to his son, christopher knows way too much, and the 118's wine night has never been quite so eventful

to feel the need of your touch by honestlydarkprincess / @honestlydarkprincess Explicit | 7.5k The one where Buck is touchstarved and desperate for Eddie. They fuck but it's also really sweet.

10k + right in front of your eyes by rainbow_nerds / @rainbow-nerdss Teen | 15.2k Buck offers to fake-date Eddie so Pepa will stop setting him up on dates.

very time we stop talking (the universe starts screaming) by withmeornotatall / @chronicowboy Mature | 21.9k buck gets reckless, eddie gets angry, they talk in all the wrong ways, and the universe decides to intervene

let's build this house (into a home, baby) by withmeornotatal / @chronicowboy Explicit | 24k.4 Neighbours AU, slow burn, Different first meeting, getting together

i owe you a black eye and 2 kisses by colonoscopys / @colonoscopys Explicit | 29.3k Four weeks later, Buck completes his first mission. Ft Nurse Buck and Mob member Eddie

today i live for a single drop of you by Underhung_Aura / @eddiebabygirldiaz Explicit | 38.9 Five times Buck dreams about sucking Eddie's cock and the one time he actually gets to do it.

let the world have its way with you by fleetinghearts / @shitouttabuck Explicit | 54.4k a bucket list that’s really about buck needing to make a change and an eddie who’s ready to do anything to see him fall in love with life again. it takes some crossing off for eddie to realize—the thing at the top of the list in his own heart? it’s been right here all along.

when it's you i'm with (everything goes quiet) by withoutthetiger / @rewritetheending Explicit | 56.2k Eddie can't speak after he and Christopher are in an accident, but somehow he asks Buck to stay while he recovers. Buck can't imagine wanting to be anywhere else, and even in the silence that lingers between them, they both find a way to say everything.

wishing to be the friction by ipretendtobesane / @useramor Explicit | 97.2k the straight eddie friends with benefits fic

#Buddie #Buddie fic recs #rec list #buddie fic #911

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angelwithdemonictendencies · 8 months

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my palms ran red turning over jagged rocks, thought i'd find some kind of sign; you pressed your mouth to my wound, weren't your bloody lips sign enough?

qh43 x reader: you really have to stop meeting like this.

(warnings: mostly plot, but also blasphemous filth (yes, we're back on the smut train), unprotected penetrative sex (m on f), fingering, hair pulling (i haven't changed), choking (i really haven't changed), descriptions of self-doubt and shame and all my typical stuff. mostly tension building (10k words worth), general debauchery. please be warned, don’t read if you’re not 100% sure.)

(a/n: hockey season will be here before we know it, my favorites. for now, have this very, very long and drawn out story about one qh43 character who is just a self-indulgent mish-mash of tropes i like (car mechanic, country club, tutoree, etc) and another who is just a lovely personification of anxiety and insecurity. but, what else is new? you all know i tend to make my female characters a bit sad, and my quinn characters a little sad, too. don't worry, though, this one has a happy ending. obviously there's a lot of plot i ask you to take for granted. if something doesn't make sense, don't tell anyone. no, nobody talks like this, but maybe they should, okay? regardless, i hope the world is being kind to you. i hope you are being kind to yourself. let's do a takeaway, today, for old time's sake: sometimes we take an axe to a good thing just to prove to ourselves that we were right - that we're prone to bad things, and look, here's proof! put your axes down, favorites. enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. know i think of you often and fondly. until i next get a bout of inspiration, go canucks. please tell me what you think, it makes me so, so happy. i did not proofread. gif is not mine. sending everything beautiful to you and your snakes. love always.)

like most all-consuming things, it started with something insignificant.

if your tail light had never gone out during the summer before your third year at university, perhaps none of it would have ever happened. part of you wanted to believe that some determined power would have guided the two of you together no matter what, but most of you thought the powers of the world to be nonchalant at best, hostile at worst.

regardless, your right tail light went out a few weeks before school started, and despite your intense unwillingness to spend money on your car, your mom insisted that you get it fixed.

"that family auto shop will do it quickly," she suggested, "the one a few streets down from school."

so here you were, standing uncomfortably in the lobby of the mechanic's, less than soothed by the harsh noises that echoed through the small garage.

you cleared your throat, attempting to get the attention of the teenage receptionist, probably the daughter or cousin of the owner, currently on her phone.

she looked up immediately, smiled wide, full of braces and friendliness. "sorry," she said, only a little guilty to be caught on her phone. "how can i help you?"

you smiled right back at her, immediately put at ease by her presence. "my mom called earlier," you said. you went to continue, but were enthusiastically cut off.

"miss tail light!" she exclaimed, to which you laughed and nodded. "have a seat," she urged, "quinn should be out in a minute, and that's a quick fix."

you nodded and sat down, then crossed your legs as you waited, bouncing one foot against your other calf. you looked at your hands, twisted one ring around your finger.

"you're the tail light?" a low voice called from the lobby entrance, forcing your gaze up from your hands to meet a pair of eyes that somehow swam with both steel and uncertainty.

this newcomer, quinn, supposedly, confirmed by the embroidered patch on his breast pocket, seemed to be immediately off-put by your matching gaze, as he shoved his wide hands in the pockets of his coveralls and blinked several times, a bit too fast.

his confusing mannerisms, combined with his curious combination of handsomeness and beauty, forced a small smile to your face as you stood up.

he really was pretty like you had never quite seen before, tall but not menacingly so, broad across the chest in a way that just looked warm, his coveralls hanging off of him, drawing attention to his frame, his thighs, his arms.

his hair was messy, curling only slightly at the tops of his ears, his cheekbones and jawline so, so sharp, but his nose and mouth softly curved.

you cleared your throat again when you realized you were probably staring.

"i suppose i am," you said, answering his question, approaching him and the door, by extension.

he gave a forced nod before turning to leave, urging a fluid reaction from the muscles in his neck and shoulders, which you pretended not to notice as you walked behind him.

in a choppy, sudden motion, he made to hold the door open for you, arm extended but gaze averted.

"thank you, quinn," you said, trying out his name, surprised to find how natural it felt on your tongue, something like a hymn a past-life you must have sang with unmatched conviction.

he seemed just as surprised as you, practically tripped over his own feet before quickly recovering. you bit your lip to stifle a laugh.

"should only take a second," he said as he crouched down next to your car, his voice a bit rougher than before, pulling a couple of tools and bulbs from his many pockets.

"take your time," you said, sitting down nearby as he got to work, and you meant it, feeling a somewhat shameful urge to just watch him. just look at him.

you fumbled to distract yourself, settling on looking interested in your phone. in reality, it took real effort to keep your eyes down, away from him, when you felt as if he emitted some kind of magnetic force suited only to you.

it felt like an eternity, but it took all of ten minutes, a couple swift motions, and he was done, rising again to his full height and turning to face you.

you allowed yourself to meet his eyes and it felt like a heaving exhale. "all done?" you asked, rising as well, willing brightness into your voice.

he nodded in affirmation, and you could have pouted. a man of few words, it seemed, and how you wished he would give you a few more.

he wiped his hands with a rag, and you refused to let your eyes follow the motion. "so i should pay..." you started.

he nodded towards the lobby. "you can pay with bean," he said, gruff.

you grinned right at him, and anyone else would have seen his gaze soften from stone to molten rock. "bean?" you asked.

the slightest smile took over his mouth. "my cousin," he said, slowly, "at reception."

you hummed, comforted by his sudden ease. "well then," you said, "i'll go check out with your cousin bean."

"i'll walk you," he blurted out, a blush coming to tint the tops of his ears in a positively dreamy sort of way.

so you walked the several steps back to the lobby together, the silence so comfortable you could have sighed, fallen asleep wrapped up in it.

already you felt some sense of loss creeping in, knowing you were probably never going to see him again, knowing this was all you were going to get. just a couple of glances and words and blushes, that's as far as this would go. and it made a lot of sense, but logical reason grew over your hazy, momentary crush like ivy on a brick building.

he held the door open for you again, and as you walked past him this time you looked up into his eyes. stone and steel and ivy.

you thanked him again.

"quinn?" came that delightfully girlish voice from behind the desk, this time intensely confused. "what are you doing?"

he stood in the door frame, his swallow almost cartoonish. "just making sure she checks out okay," he mumbled, not quite looking anyone in the face.

the girl smiled so wide, you could see she had chosen to make her braces purple last time she visited the orthodontist. "you've never done that before, is all," she observed with all the subtlety of a volcanic eruption.

was that pink tint creeping past his ears to his neck, now?

"do it plenty," he muttered, less than convincing and more to himself than anyone else.

the girl shot you a knowing look before turning to her cousin again. "if you say so," she relented. "miss tail light is in good hands with me, now, so you're all set, mr. random acts of kindness."

quinn muttered something under his breath before making to leave, embarrassment still flushing just under his collar.

the knowledge that this was it, this was all this would ever be, that's what made you reach a hand out to lightly grasp his forearm, stopping him where he stood.

you swore some kind of divine warmth rose to meet your hand.

he looked down at where your fingers met his arm before meeting your gaze. molten, yet again. he didn't move, didn't dare to scare off your touch.

"thank you again, quinn," you said, just to him.

a pause charged by meaning sparked between you both.

maybe some minuscule fraction of your heart feared he would push you away and roll his eyes, mumble something about personal space. or maybe that disgust would flood his lovely gaze, and he would say something much meaner.

you should never have touched him, you scolded yourself, stupid, desperate, foolish girl. you began to lift your hand away when his rough voice became a whisper, just for you.

"anything, doll," he said. and then he walked away, leaving his words to rattle around in your head like the whirring noises around the garage.

you paid, laughed playfully with the young receptionist as she insisted she had never seen her cousin so embarrassed, and especially not so bashful.

"i'm sure that's not true," you said, trying in vain to force your sky-rocketing hopes back to earth.

"oh, it is," she said as you made to leave, giving you a big smile and a wave as you bid her goodbye.

as you drove back home, those tendrils of reason crept back again, began to suffocate the dreamy romance that had settled like a glittery mist in your head.

you gave a single exhale, breathing out any unrealistic expectations. you'd probably never see him again, you admitted to yourself, and you tried to convince yourself that you were fine with it.

and so you let the image of steel and stone and ivy become a phantom in the back of your mind, along with the scorching solidity of his forearm underneath your delicate palm.

you'd never see him again, you believed.

in theory, you knew you could have had one of your friends find him on social media, it probably wouldn't have been too hard. a first name, an occupation, they'd tracked down fleeting flings and past crushes with much less information to go off of before.

but you didn't like the idea of interference, much preferred the way he looked in your memory to the fear that he would be someone very different online, that he would be someone different than the person that now existed exclusively in your head.

you were never supposed to see him again, and yet you did, and just as you had almost forgotten the way his shoulders moved when he walked, too.

three weeks later, just before you went back to school, you were eating dinner outside with your family at the country club they belonged to. you had been there maybe twice in the last couple of years, as your mom worked long hours and your dad only really used his membership for golf.

now, though, sitting outside, overlooking the course, in the pleasant air of the late summer, you were glad you were here, enjoying these last few moments with your family before you began your third year.

you were laughing at a joke your mom had made when you heard someone close by call out, "that's my marker, quinn!"

something distant fluttered in your stomach as you registered the name, tried so hard to not care if it was him or not. trying so, so hard to not care, but you cared so much it felt as if you might have willed him into existence yourself, wanted him enough that even the uninterested powers were forced to relent with a bored sigh.

so, in truth, you knew it was him even before you turned and focused on the hole just below the patio.

you knew it was him, and yet you were wholly unprepared for the way your head spun when you registered his familiar figure.

as if compelled by your gaze, or by something else worth worshipping, he turned, too, and there you were, staring at each other. did he recognize you the way you did him? the way you recognize your first lover's cologne? the way you recognize what's waiting behind a door with a scalding doorknob?

but then he took a hand off of his club and gave a timid wave, and you felt your body relax as you waved back. he paused for a moment as if in thought, then motioned towards him, silently asking you to come down.

"who is that?" your mother asked, not critical, only curious.

"my mechanic," you answered, "be right back, promise."

so, even though it was probably (definitely) against the rules, you made your way down to the impeccably cut grass, holding your shoes in one shaky hand.

you waved again as you approached him at the edge of the green, his friends gathered closer to the hole, talking animatedly amongst themselves.

he tilted his head and gave you a small smile, which gave you wings. a smile, and you hadn't even done anything!

"hi, quinn," you said, getting your first good look at him up close, and this time not in coveralls. this time in a polo that brought out his eyes and shorts that had you straining not to stare at his thighs.

"doll," he greeted, that ghost of a smile still on his full lips. "thought that was you."

heavy uncertainty suddenly settled between the both of you. what were you supposed to say? what was he supposed to say? what do you do with time that feels stolen?

"didn't think i'd see you again," you landed on, then physically cringed at yourself. "not that i was thinking about you, or anything," you added, then pursed your lips in a line.

awesome save.

he let out a laugh, though, and it shook his shoulders and lit up his face in a way that made it impossible to regret your rambling.

his laugh made him look human in a way he hadn't really, before, at the garage. it stripped back all the flowery expectations your imagination had buried him in and set him down here, in front of you, a real person.

a real person, who, in this summery light, was much more unabashed and generous with his smiles. his eyes had a softness to them that you hadn't noticed before.

"i wish you had, then," he said, in that deep, low, voice with a confidence that didn't quite suit him, like he was just trying it on.

it almost made you drop your shoes, regardless.

"yeah?" you asked, tilting your head and letting your satisfaction drench your face like sunset light.

he gave a little nod.

"c'mon, huggy!" one of his friends called. what do you do with time that feels stolen?

he looked back at them and his jaw clenched, for a second.

you knew you had to be the one to walk away, or it would haunt you like some ancestral debt.

"maybe i'll see you again, then, quinn," you said, your tone not conveying the desperate hope you felt.

he looked you up and down, amusement alight in his eyes. it seemed his nervous demeanor existed only in his coveralls. "you willing to take your chances on a 'maybe,' doll?"

were you?

you silently begged those distant forces to prove your hopes were not futile, but you didn't really believe that. you were headed to school in just two days, and who knows where he was headed, this mysterious mechanic who liked to golf and had eyes like a deity.

you knew you were on stolen time, and that this, again, was as far as this would ever go.

"we're going!" his friends called.

"i hope i see you again, quinn," you amended, already feeling a sense of loss again. but you had to be the one to walk away, so you began to.

his face was unreadable, some mixture of disappointment and interest and knowing.

"think about me some more this time, yeah? until you see me again?"

your smile glowed. "if 'm honest, quinn, that'll be hard," you said, thinking about how he had been a constant in your mind for the last couple of weeks. you leaned into your flirtatious side since you were both moving apart. it was always easiest when you were on the way out.

he ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek. "try extra hard for me, would you, doll?"

and for a moment, time seemed to ooze like amber. a blink felt like eternity, like you were both suspended in an hourglass.

"promise," you said. it came out like a whisper, but it felt like you screamed it across an open expanse.

and so you parted ways a second time, practically daring the universe to stop you from meeting again.

do whatever you want, universe, you seemed to say, i don't care! i'm fine with the story ending here!

oh, sweetheart, the universe seemed to say, yawning, barely looking at you, then why do you clutch at the book until your fingers bleed?

you could have scowled.

and, just as he wanted, and just as you were afraid of, he was there, in the back of your mind, for several weeks into the school year.

everything started smoothly. you were happy to see your friends again, to be living with them. classes started well. you went out when you wanted to. you began your regular job, tutoring other students in classes you had already taken. it was nice to see the students you had helped out last year, to continue helping them.

teachers referred you to help students who were struggling in their classes all the time, so it wasn't anything significant when one set up a time for you to meet at the library with someone who wasn't quite getting intro to calculus.

it was significant, however, when you opened up the reserved study room door to see quinn sitting at the table, textbooks out in front of him.

so significant, actually, that it genuinely scared you. "jesus," you muttered, exhaling and placing a calming hand over your heart.

he looked up when he heard the door open, and you were frozen in place.

this is what you wanted, right? the universe probably asked, bored. now will you leave me alone?

"i was not expecting you," you admitted, willing your heart back to beating normally.

you couldn't read him, yet again. and yet again, you felt as if you had wanted him hard enough that even the fibers of the universe were annoyed enough to comply.

ugh, they probably said to each other, just give that desperate fool what she wants! i'm tired of hearing her pleas!

but you could have sighed at how beautiful he looked, this time different again - sweatpants and a t-shirt and messy hair. soft looking and sleepy after a day of class and whatever else.

"yeah?" he asked, although he hadn't expected you either. he wasn't shocked the way you were, though. only pleasantness played across his full features. "who were you expecting?"

not you, you wanted to say. things just don't work out like this for me. "i didn't know you went here," you said, simply.

"i didn't know you were a tutor," he replied, leaning back in his chair.

i didn't know your smile gets lopsided when you're tired, you thought to yourself. you could never forget that, now.

"safe to say we know very little about each other, doll," he added, as if he could hear your thoughts.

and he was right - you hadn't asked him anything about himself the last two times you saw him, and he didn't know anything about you. how easy would it have been at the course to say you were going to the local university in a couple of days. why had you not?

why had you relinquished control so easily?

it practically pained you to think about that, just as it was practically painful to look at his face head on, eyes weary with sleep yet bright with amusement, so you decided to solve both of those problems.

"well," you said, sliding into the seat next to him at the table, excruciatingly aware of your closeness, "what do you know about derivatives?"

he gave a huff of a laugh. "probably even less," he said.

you gave him a smile and started to go over your notes with him. the more you spoke, and the deeper you got into the topic, the easier it was to be close to him.

you were still hyperaware of his warmth, his presence, his beauty, his being, but you could do this. getting lost in your purpose here instead of getting lost in him.

after about an hour of you explaining derivatives, you looking at your notes, and him looking at you, you shut your textbook.

"i think that's good for a first session, hm?" you asked, turning to face him and hugging one knee to your chest.

he held your gaze as if studying your face. it felt like being center stage, under a white hot spotlight.

he spread his legs out and reached his arms up, stretching after sitting in the same position for a while. you had to look down at your hands.

"five more minutes?" he asked like a kid begging for an extended bedtime. only now he was asking for more time with you.

you scrunched up your nose, which made him smile, a bit. "can i ask you a question, quinn?" you asked. "since we don't know anything about each other."

"only if i get one, too," he answered.

you thought carefully, flexed your hand on your knee as your gaze met his sleepy one. "it's not that late," you started, "why are you so tired?"

he laughed again, making your chest sing. "busy day," he answered, "had two classes, practice, and a lift."

and as he elaborated you added to the carefully protected vault in your mind of information you knew about him. he played hockey for the team here, he was a defensemen, he was always busy.

"my turn," he said after he was done, low like a secret.

you nodded, forced away the flush his tone alone was able to pull from you.

"did you keep your promise?" he asked.

of everything he could have said, you were least expecting that. of course you knew what promise he was referring to immediately. of course it felt like something abominable to tell him the truth.

suddenly the space between the two of you felt much too little, much too dangerous. so small that you could see each of his eyelashes, he could see the way your eyes dropped to his mouth for a second.

there was something in his eyes that surprised you, though. there was a trace of those nerves you had seen in him that first day - that instability and uncertainty. he wanted you to say yes, you realized. he wanted it so, so much.

"of course i did, quinn," you soothed, leaning forward onto your knee just a bit. it was always easiest on the way out. "did you have any doubts?"

did he let out a breath? his silence spoke for him. still, you had to be the one to walk away. you couldn't afford any more ghosts.

"same time next week?" you asked, gathering your things.

"not gonna leave it to chance this time, doll?" he asked, getting his things together too, but in a lazy sort of way. his hands moved slowly, reluctantly.

you tried not to stare at them.

you gave him a last look before you left.

"do you want to leave it to chance?" you asked, genuinely.

ugh, chance seemed to say, can't you just do it yourself?

his molten gaze dripped over you like honey. "no," he decided, "no, i wouldn't say that's at the top of my wishlist."

you didn't ask what was.

so, each tuesday night, you tutored him in calculus. and each tuesday night, you learned more about him, and he learned more about you.

you learned about how he got into auto mechanics (he never grew out of his childhood truck phase), why he liked golf (really just an excuse to talk with his friends for a couple of hours), what was so special about hockey (it felt like he could see things that others just couldn't). his favorite candy (sour skittles), his favorite color gatorade (red), his favorite t-shirt (a worn in concert shirt from high school).

but you also learned that he got shy when you complimented him, that he ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek when he was about to say something that made you blush, that he got more confident as he got to know you.

his nerves only came out when he grew unsure, and you did your best to make him so, so sure.

and he did get to know you. how you got into your major (data analysis was the family business), why you applied yourself so vigorously in your classes (you didn't know any other way), all about your close friends and family. your favorite soda (cherry coke zero), your favorite frat (pike, only because a couple of your friends were dating brothers there, and they had the goofiest themes), your favorite snack (pretzel goldfish).

he was nothing if not observant, too, so he noticed that you had a special smile for when he got a question right, and that you only wore your hair up when you were extra tired, and that, towards the end of the session, when you were caught off guard, you would lean a little closer to him without realizing.

that was his favorite. when you would lean into his space, just a little more, as if you were pulled towards him by a magnetic force.

and each session, you made him a little more confident, and he made you blush a little bit more. until you both felt utterly comfortable with each other, like you had known each other for ages.

well, as comfortable as you could feel with a person who made you feel like every inch of your skin was on fire. as comfortable as you could feel with someone whose voice made your throat go dry, whose hands made you stutter, whose mannerisms made your stomach flutter.

one tuesday night, late into a session where he had told you he had passed his quiz with flying colors, he twisted his pen in his hand.

"you know, doll," he started, "you should come to a game sometime."

you looked up. "one of your games?" you asked, searching his steely eyes for meaning.

his lip quirked. "yes, one of my games."

here, he might as well have said, have a little more of me.

"unless you don't want to," he added to your silence. "which would also be fine. i don't want to force-"

you stopped him with a hand on his forearm, transporting you both back to that first day. did you imagine him relaxing into your touch, this time?

"i'd love to come," you said, looking him square in the face.

"good," he replied, content.

but nothing could have prepared you for what awaited you that friday night, standing with your friends in the student section of the rink you had never been to.

"how have we never been to a hockey game?" one of them asked, looking around at the crowd.

"basketball's just better," another said, although, to be fair, she was on the club basketball team. "what the hell is icing, anyways?"

"we never had a reason to, i guess," your best friend said in a teasing tone. you shot her a look, to which she raised her hands in surrender. "hey, no judgement," she said, and you laughed.

as soon as quinn was on the ice, though, he had your complete and undivided attention. he skated with a mesmerizing fluidity, hit with a concrete, undeniable kind of force. and he was right - he did see things no one else could see, made connections that you, nor anyone on the ice, could predict until they were already completed.

he was all over the ice, all over this space, he was everywhere. and you were transfixed.

walking back to the house with your friends, they noticed. of course they did.

"oh god, i know that look," one said.

"this is gonna be trouble," another added. was this trouble? was trouble when everything someone did felt like some great treasure you had discovered? was trouble this kind of fire, of comfort, of excitement, of rest?

you shook your head. "calm down, guys," you said. "it's not that serious."

"right," someone said. you didn't believe yourself, either.

"what did you think of the game?" he asked the following tuesday after you had covered enough material to be satisfied.

you were so close to him now, it probably would have been easier to just share a chair. so close you could feel the warmth radiating off of him, could all but feel his chest against your back.

"what did i think of the game?" you repeated lazily.

you could hear his smile in his voice. "yes, doll."

you hummed. how honest could you be, here? what could you get away with?

and maybe it was your closeness to him that made you bold. maybe it was the heat you saw in his eyes that had you leaning your head on his shoulder and looking up at him. you felt his breath rumble through him and into you.

the air sparked.

"thought you were incredible, quinn," you said honestly. "like nothing i've ever seen."

his exhale was shaky as he peered down at you. "yeah?" he asked.

"mhm," you hummed, your body buzzing with his contact, the most you had ever had. something unspoken settled between you like dust.

"you would come again, then?" he asked, hopeful but drowsy.

you couldn't help but smile, a bit, gaze up at him through your lashes. "think i'd have a hard time saying no to you, if 'm honest."

something like wonder misted across his heated gaze. "i like knowing you're there," he said. "like knowing you're thinking about me."

dangerous desire swirled around the two of you, melting your gaze and blurring the lines.

things don't work out like this for you, a voice said, bitter and mocking, drawing the lines up again, sturdy and menacing.

you cleared your throat, lifted your head from his shoulder. if you could look at him, you would have seen that uncertainty swimming in his eyes again, along with something like hurt.

but you couldn't look at him. at the drowsy slouch of his shoulders, the rugged line of his jaw, the glossy want that practically dripped down his face like starry tears.

i'm always thinking about you, you wanted to tell him. i'm sorry.

but you gathered your things, stood up. "i should go."

he was silent for a moment, looked you up and down, gave a small sigh. "okay, doll," he conceded. "on one condition."

you scrunched up your nose in confusion.

"you agree to come golfing with me tomorrow," he said in a completely satisfied tone. "then, you can go."

a million excuses flooded onto your tongue.

"i'm busy tomorrow," you tried, your voice coming out tight.

he waved that off lazily. "me too," he said, something like a smirk growing on his pink lips. "but we're both free at four, so let's plan on that. next?"

you sputtered.

"but i don't know how to golf," you tried.

he ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek. trouble.

"don't worry, doll," he offered. "i'll go real slow for you."

you flushed, almost walked into the doorframe, quickly decided you needed to leave immediately, if you wanted to maintain any level of mystery or dignity.

"fine," you said, already on your way out. it felt like flames were nipping at your heels, biting at your nose. "i'll come."

his smirk deepened, a different look on him. "don't put up much of a fight, do you, doll?"

"i'm leaving," you choked as you walked out, turning to face him one final time. "what if i just didn't want to come?"

he seemed to ponder this for a moment. "i think," he started, "if you really didn't want to come, it wouldn't make you blush like this to say so."

he didn't ask you to think about him, but by the look on his face, you knew he could tell he didn't have to.

so, the following day, you found yourself on the course with quinn.

a terrible, terrible idea, really.

especially considering the want that filled his gaze when he first saw you, catching on your legs before returning up to your eyes.

"showed up for me, did you, doll?" he asked, a hope you recognized tinting his voice a shimmery pink.

you rolled your eyes, but smiled. "you knew i would."

"thank you anyways," he replied, and his genuineness, his honesty, his straightforwardness, it all made you melt. made you want to know what his smile felt like against your neck, what his hands felt like in your hair.

so, as you both made to tee off, you turned to him. "can you help me with my swing, please?"

his gaze softened. liquid steel. "sure, doll," he said, then lined up next to you and explained his way through it.

you bit your lip. "i'm a hands on learner," you said, which was a lie. "i think i need you closer." that part wasn't.

he didn't adopt a cocky smirk, like so many would have. he didn't lean into your act, didn't pounce on the opportunity to show his superiority. he only approached you from behind and reached his arms around you to grip your driver with you, his hands on top of yours, warm and rough.

you could feel each breath he took in your back, felt the solid plane of his chest on your shoulder blades.

"close enough?" he all but whispered into the space between your neck and your shoulder.

something sinful must have possessed you then. "for now," you breathed out.

he went through a swing with you, slow and fluid. you weren't paying attention, not really, but how could you, when he was just so, so close? was this dazed sensation, was that what he felt when you touched him, that first day? or later, in your study room?

but, of course, the swing was soon over, and he reluctantly retreated off to the side.

"your turn, doll," he said.

you took a breath to shake the phantom of his embrace away, then teed off - beautifully straight and hard, arcing through the air like a physics textbook problem.

you looked at him to find a knowing, teasing look on his face. he ran a hand through his hair, displacing the curling ends as he gave a quick laugh.

you smiled. "call me a natural," you offered, shrugging.

"oh yeah?" he said, tilting his head. "how about i call you a liar?"

you leaned forward onto the end of your driver, grin widening. "how about i call you gullible?"

he shook his head, let out a playful scoff. "like you'd ever have to trick me into touching you."

the rest of the round went by quickly, both of your guards down, lost in conversation and high on each other. too soon, it was over.

it was this realization that urged you to act uncharacteristically - in that, you acted according to what you truly felt.

"can i see you tomorrow?" you asked him as he loaded your clubs into the trunk of your car. you didn't cringe as much as you would have a few weeks ago.

he wiped his hands on his shorts, looked at you with something that looked like relief. "think i'd have a hard time saying no to you," he parroted. his ability to remember things about you warmed you from the inside out.

"meet me at the sig nu party tomorrow?" you asked hopefully. "maybe you can meet some of my friends?"

he looked truly touched. "some of the guys are going already since we don't have a morning lift on friday," he said, "so you could meet some of them, too, if you want."

you nodded, flushed with expectation. "see you then," you said, making to get in your car. "and yes, i'll think about you."

his smile as you shut your door was something of dreams.

sigma nu was not one of your favorite frats. their basement was especially dirty looking, their brothers were on the sketchier side, and the never seemed to have enough alcohol to make it through the night.

but one of your friends was talking to one of the brothers, who also played club basketball. so you and the rest of your group were going for moral support. and also because no one else was throwing. it was only a thursday.

you were nervous. you had only just begun to accept that you were really, really into quinn, and you had only just begun to accept that he might, possibly, probably, be just as into you.

it still didn't make much logical sense to you. when had it ever been so simple?

don't talk about logical sense around me, chance would say, that bitch knows what she did.

when you first saw quinn across the crowded room, chance and logical sense and all those divine powers, they all melted away.

it was just him. his hair was messy and his gaze was relaxed and the lights made it look like his face was glowing as he laughed with his friends.

but the crowd got the better of you, for a little while. you danced with your friends, politely escaped several "so, what's your major?" conversations, and actually spent a while talking to your friend's new talking stage.

as you laughed at something, you were internally surprised. this guy seemed perfect for your friend - they shared so many interests, and he was able to laugh at himself easily, which was something that was at the top of her priority list.

after a while of learning enough about him to approve of him graduating from the talking stage, you looked up. of course your gaze was immediately drawn to quinn, closer than you had seen him last.

closer, and yet farther than he had ever been, because he was leaning against the wall, talking to another girl.

you couldn't really see the girl, but it wouldn't have really mattered. it wasn't about her. she was just a girl talking to a guy at a party. a guy who was, in all technical senses, single and available.

it was more so about him, and how close he was to her, how he leaned down to hear her, meaning she could probably smell his all-but-worn-off cologne.

your grip tightened on your red cup as you swallowed.

before, quinn had only ever been yours, because even when you doubted that he could ever return your feelings, he had never given you concrete evidence that he was interested in anyone else. so even though he hadn't been yours, he had been almost yours, probably going to be yours, or something like that.

but here he was, giving you concrete proof that he existed to others, too, that other people could be interested in him and he could be interested back.

and of course that had always been the case. how could you have been so narcissistic? of course people would foster crushes on him, like you did, and of course he was bound to reciprocate eventually, to someone.

you had let yourself believe that you were the center of the world for a moment, of his world, and you hated that.

so, honestly, it was barely even about quinn. this struggle, this was about you.

but if you stripped back everything external, oh, how downright jealous you felt right then.

so jealous that you had to leave, that you couldn't watch anymore. when you got home, you shut the door and exhaled.

what did i tell you? that bitter voice said, things just don't work out that way for you.

you could have growled, now, at how lazy, how self-centered that sounded.

don't look at me, chance would have said, hands raised in surrender, this was all you.

he was just talking to another girl, logical reason would say, that doesn't mean he's not interested in you. you have what, a couple months of history?

and of course reason would be right. of course, you knew, deep down, you didn't have to let this consume you.

but now a tendril of doubt had woven its way into your heart. if you had been so misled by your own ego before, how could you tell if any of it was real? how could you trust yourself to know if this wasn't much more to you than it was to him?

time. you needed some time.

thankfully, that was doable. you went home for break on friday after class, and planned to stay there for the week.

so you stayed home, caught up with your parents, ignored his numerous texts.

it hurt to do so, but you told yourself you needed some distance.

which wasn't that hard, considering he was playing a series of games across the country. you still put on his games though, which your parents noticed.

"didn't even know we got this channel," you dad observed one night as you watched quinn stickhandle around a sloppy winger.

"when did you get into hockey?" you mom asked, never critical. "we could go see a game sometime, if you want."

you started to settle down a bit, really enjoyed the time at home. before you knew it, though, break was almost over.

"sweetheart," you mom called to you on your second to last day, "would you mind taking the car in?"

you were skeptical. "why?"

"they just called," she explained, "said we're due for an urgent oil change."

you thought it was weird that they would call for that, but quinn was supposedly still away, so you figured it wouldn't be that much of an issue.

"sure," you responded. "i'll bring it in now."

you knew it was a trap as soon as you opened your car door at the garage.

the young receptionist approached you quickly with a guilty smile.

"hi, miss bean," you said, trying to gauge what she was about to say.

"look," she rushed, "i didn't want to, and i'm thought the plan was stupid, and i'm sure you're ignoring him for good reason-"

you sighed, knowing what was coming. having walked right into it. "i'm not, really," you stopped her, then felt the need to clarify. "it's not really a good reason."

"what is it, then?" that low voice asked from your side, and everyone else disappeared.

just him, standing there, looking the same as you had last seen him, but so, so different.

the same, because he was just as lovely as you last recalled. was it insensitive to say that he wore his weariness beautifully?

so different, because he just looked so tired. his coveralls did little to hide the slight slouch in his shoulders. a subtle stubble now shadowed his face, making his jaw sharper. and his eyes. that steely stone that had occupied your mind all this time - it was cracking, desperate for something to hang on to.

"just needed some distance," you mustered. you were jarred by his appearance, by being close to him again, just the two of you.

"yeah?" he looked you up and down, that desperate disappointment now running down your figure. there was no malice in his tone. "why, doll? so you can say you were right?" you could have hissed. "so you can go on knowing everything went exactly as you told yourself it would?"

things like this don't work out for you. who had been telling you that, again?

you sucked on your teeth, had no idea what to say. what do you say to someone that sees right through you? the pause settled like sludge. "i thought you were away," you eventually whispered, ignoring his question.

he ran a hand through his hair, let all his grief flood into his eyes. "and i thought it would be a lot harder for you to forget me," he said, "so i guess we're both at a loss."

you took a step forward, then stopped yourself, almost dizzy. "you actually think i would forget you?" you breathed, practically choking on your words.

he scoffed. "what was i supposed to think?" he rubbed his palm against the back of his neck. "i think everything is going well when you ask me to come to this party, then you spend the whole time talking to some other guy-"

your brow furrowed before you understood. "my friend's new boyfriend," you interrupted. to his confusion, you clarified. "i was talking to my friend's boyfriend."

he blinked, registered this information, appeared a bit lighter. "regardless," he sighed, "you were supposed to be talking to me, doll."

"hold on," you said, the memory of jealousy seeping into your bloodstream, "you were talking to someone else, too, quinn." you crossed your arms, images flashing in your mind of him leaning down, his ear much too close to her lips. "and i don't think that was your friend's girlfriend, unless they're trying out an open relationship."

"i just-" he gave a frustrated gesture, looked down at his feet for a moment.

"you what?" you pressed.

he sighed, now flushed. "i just wanted you to look at me."

you both were silent for a beat as you processed his words. you exhaled, took a few steps until you were right in front of him. his eyes flickered down to your mouth, took the long way back up.

you took his face in your hands, his stubble rough under your palms. you knew you didn't imagine the way he softened into you touch.

"surely by now you know you're all i think about," you said, an offering. like some sacrifice at a long-abandoned altar, so terribly desperate, shamefully honest.

so terrible, the way he grabbed at your hip, pulled you forward, against him. so desperate, the way his other hand twisted into your hair.

so shameful, how he captured your lips with his, all brute emotion, sleepy resignation, a million pleas of "look at me" answered with "i never looked away."

so honest, how he just barely whimpered into your mouth when you tightened your grasp on his jaw, kissed him harder. he pulled so slightly on your hair, you slid a hand down to his chest, gathered the collar of his coveralls in your first, trying to get him impossibly closer.

here, you both were practically screaming, here, have some more of me.

someone whistled across the garage. you pulled away from each other with a jump, having gotten a little carried away. quinn flushed on the tips of his ears and shot the culprit a look, which made you let out a light laugh into his chest.

the little rumble made him look down at you, wrap his arms around your waist and clasp them on the small of your back.

you stayed like that for a moment, just looking at each other. stone, molten.

"i have this thing next week," he said eventually, barely anything more than a rasp. "a formal for the team."

you nodded, reached up, twisted a strand of his hair around your finger.

"come with me," he asked, soft. "please."

you didn't have to think about it. "yes."

and so, about a week later, you found yourself at the hockey formal, an event you hadn't known existed a couple of months ago.

the past week had been blissful, but frustrating - you both were so busy, you with schoolwork and tutoring, him with the team. so much so that you could barely see each other outside of your scheduled tutoring session.

needless to say, you were very much looking forward to a weekend away with him. a whole night, just for the two of you.

and the whole night was wonderful. you were introduced to his teammates, saw a new side of him, heard his laugh so many times it made your head spin.

it was all just so easy. even the mess ups, the uncertainty, the silences, those were easy too, because they were with him.

when he stuttered over telling you how beautiful you looked - easy.

when you didn't know how to introduce yourself to his friends, so you just said you were "quinn's..." and then faded out, unsure - that was easy, because you weren't even really lying. your laugh was instinctual, and everyone else's was, too.

when he asked you to dance, reaching his hand out to you, there had never been an easier yes.

you danced with all the beautiful awkwardness of two people who weren't quite sure what they were yet - weren't quite sure how far they could go. there was not a question of how you both felt, but how slow were you taking this?

how slow could you bear?

every touch felt electric, like a gentle flame ignited whereever his hands had been. you felt a shiver erupt when his hand grasped your waist as you both moved together to a simple rhythm.

so up close and personal, you could smell his worn cologne, feel the warmth from his chest.

he gave you a sly smile, something close to a smirk. "okay, doll?"

you bit your lip, peered up at him through your lashes. "you just look so lovely, quinn," you told him, squeezed his hand, gave him a flushed smile. "it's distracting."

he pulled you a little closer, so that your chests were almost touching as you moved across the floor. "yeah?" he asked, his smile lazy, almost shy. "love a suit, do you?"

you tilted your head, met his gaze entirely and absolutely. oh, how much, how deeply you wanted. hadn't your want seemed to fray the fibers of the universe before?

babe, they seemed to remind you, we never cared.

then who was i praying to? you could have asked.

and they would have only shared a look, laughed like two girls at a sleepover.

well, who answered? they would have responded.

what you did do is give a slight shake of your head. "not the suit," you said. "you're distracting."

you watched his eyes become hooded, felt the underlying heat ignite between you. his grip on your waist tightened. "careful, doll," he breathed out, a warning, a plea.

"don't wanna be," you replied. there was a moment of understanding, a pause of anticipation.

"how slow do you want to take this?" almost drowsy with desire, his voice was slow, rough, only for you. "you know i'd go so slow for you, right, doll?"

you nodded. "i know," you assured him, "but i don't want you to."

you thought you heard him mutter a fuck before he was pulling you from the floor, out of the elaborate event room, upstairs to your room at the hotel. everything was a blur as his hand clasped around yours. a desperate escape, fleeing from everything, everyone except him.

and then the door was shutting and he was pushing you up against it, a hand on your hip and the other on your jaw as his lips met yours in a heated kiss that was every bit as desperate, as longing, and terrible and horrible and shameful as the first one.

you were both too far gone to hold back any longer.

you tangled your hands in the hair at the nape of his neck, felt the curls between your fingers.

he tasted like mint and salt and something earthy.

kissing him felt like barbed wire made of gold, flowery rust, somehow the most violent act you had ever committed, yet also the most gentle.

like removing your heart with a cookie cutter, offering it to him on a painted porcelain plate.

you moaned into his mouth, he hissed just a bit as you pulled at his hair.

he pushed his hips up against yours, hiked your leg up around his thigh, making you gasp at the hardness you found across his front.

"more," you murmured against his lips, felt his sly smirk grow against yours.

he moved his hand from your hip to slide up your dress, glide his fingertips along your inner thigh, just barely skirt across your folds. "like this, doll? so wet for me already," he asked, his voice gravelly. "this must be enough then, yeah?"

you shook your head, moved your hips to try to get some friction.

"no?" he said, obviously teasing, "greedy girl, hm? wants even more?" he brought his other hand to your mouth, pressed his thumb against your bottom lip, smirked when you closed your lips around him without a second thought. "what do you say?"

"please," you whined around his hand, in a voice you barely recognized. "please, quinn."

he answered you by dragging his fingers through your folds once before pushing two into you, slow and deep, making you arch your back up off of the door.

"fuck, so tight," he rasped.

you whimpered against his thumb, closed your eyes as you felt his hand move from your mouth to your throat.

"open up, doll," he demanded. "look at me."

you obliged with effort, wrapped an arm around his neck for support, another one bracing the door as he increased his pace, pushing his fingers in and out of you, grazing your clit each time.

your nails dug into his neck as you lost yourself in the sensation, barely registering the way he groaned at the delicious shot of pain.

"this enough, doll?" he cooed, annoyingly smug at how audibly wet you were.

you vigorously shook your head, so desperate to get him to keep going. "no," you pleaded, "fuck, please, quinn, don't stop."

he tightened his hand around your throat just a little, only barely squeezing as he flattened his other palm against your clit, making you moan loudly. "must be ready for me then, yeah?"

you fisted his dress shirt in your hand, pushed yourself off of the door and pulled him onto the bed. "please, need more of you," you begged, nothing more than a prayer, "fuck, want you so bad."

something lovely flooded his gaze as he moved his clothes aside, pulled himself out as you further hiked up your dress.

he spat into his hand, pumped himself up and down in a way that made your mouth water.

you were practically pouting. "please, fuck me, quinn," you said, pathetic and just so fine with it, "'s all i've been thinking about."

and you knew you had said something magical when he groaned and tugged you towards him by the undersides of your thighs, his grip hot and rough, a working man's grip.

"shit," he hissed as he ran his cock up and down your folds once, twice, collecting your wetness there, "'d never say no to you."

you whined when he first pushed into you, so, so deep that you swore you could feel him in the palms of your hands, feel him rattling around in your teeth, behind your eyes.

he moaned like a sinner, clutched at the flesh of your hips so tightly you knew his fingerprints would be left behind later.

as he began to thrust in and out of you, his rhythm hard and even, both of you could barely form words, so lost in the feeling of each other, finally as physically close as you could be.

"fuck," he bit out eventually, his rhythm picking up speed, "so tight, doll. so wet for me, hm?"

you nodded, clenched around him, reached one of your hands forward to rub at your clit, increasing the pressure quickly building inside of you.

he choked out a grunt at the sight of you touching yourself, only making you squeeze him harder. "feels so good, quinn," you whined, "so deep inside me."

he moved one hand up to your calf, hoisted one of your legs up to change his angle, thrusted down into you in a way that hit a dizzying spot inside of you. he kept going, bringing you both closer every minute.

"shit, feel so perfect," he bit out at some point. "made for me, hm?" he asked as you rubbed your clit faster. "squeezing me so perfect, yeah?"

you hummed something like affirmation, your breathing becoming ragged as he hit that spot over and over, his chest rising and falling, his thrusts becoming broken and messy.

"fuck, quinn," you moaned, "fuck, 'm so close."

he groaned. "gonna cum for me, doll?" he asked, letting your calf rest on his shoulder as his hand travelled down to apply only the slightest pressure to your lower stomach.

the sensation, that unique pressure making you feel him impossibly deeper, sent you soaring right to the edge.

"feel you squeezing me," he breathed out, his own voice tight and rough, his chest and stomach flexing as he fought off his own orgasm. "cum for me, doll, yeah? wanna feel you cum on my cock." he squinted with effort. "be good for me, hm?"

and his words sent you spiraling, a wave of pleasure finally crashing, clenching and spasming around him in a way that triggered his own high.

he moaned as he came, his breathing labored as you both collapsed back onto the hotel bed.

effort and satisfaction glowed on your faces, realized desire settling along his cheekbones and on the cupid's bow of your mouth.

there were several moments of easy silence in the warm air, his hand throw lazily around your middle, one of yours resting on his chest.

"can i ask you for something?" you said eventually, looking up at him with tired eyes full of possibility.

"anything, doll," he said, and you remembered back to that first day, in the garage. how easy it was, now, to remember it fondly.

"can i have a kiss, please?" you asked, almost shy, more so gentle.

a smile already played across his mouth. "especially that," he said, eager to comply with your request.

he leaned down to press a fluttering, beautiful kiss to your lips.

well i definitely didn't see this coming, chance stage-whispered to logical reason behind her hand.

i don't really deal with this lovey-dovey kind of stuff, logical reason said, not my thing.

all the divine powers and the fibers of the universe and such, they were silent. perhaps they always had been. perhaps this was much too far out of their jurisdiction.

perhaps it was just none of their business.

fin.

842 notes · View notes

lustspren · 10 months

Text

P.S.T EP. 3 | Cheshire ft Yeji

length: 10k words. ✦

Yeji & Male Reader.

genres: ass eating, anal, dirty talk, creampie, hard sex, blowjob, oral sex, body massage, foot/leg worship, oily sex,

✦✧✦✧✦✧

When you finished with Lia, you both ended up so tired that your bodies completely lost track of time, you expected that one of the other members would wake you up, but apparently that either never happened, or you never noticed it in the middle of your lethargy, it wasn't until after about four hours when Lia gave you a light shake to get you up. You woke up after a few minutes of fighting against your own sleep, and when you saw the time, your eyes almost popped out of astonishment. It was already midnight.

You thought you were in trouble simply for staying late at the girls' house without notice or permission, but Lia took it upon herself to reassure you and make sure you weren't a bother to them. At that moment you both went to the bathroom again and took a completely normal shower, where the vibes were different from before, this time you laughed, chatted and even shared some romantic kisses.

After the shower, you two went back down to the living room, where you only found Yuna eating popcorn while she was watching a show on TV and Ryujin sitting at the dining table with an Alienware laptop playing Valorant. You didn't know how the hell, but Lia somehow knew that you were hungry, and offered to cook you some dinner before you went home, obviously you refused out of simple modesty, but it was enough for her to insist just a little so that you end up accepting.

You and the girls stayed up talking until around 1:30 in the morning, when you finally went home, saying goodbye to the girls in the living room and then to Yeji and Chaery, who were sitting next to each other by the pool while having a couple of beers, but just before leaving, Yeji stopped you.

"Hey pretty boy, I hope you're mentally prepared for tomorrow," she told you, hands resting on the floor and her body leaning back, letting you see her pretty midriff and her perky tits under her bikini.

"Do you want me to come tomorrow?" you asked, one step from the gate.

"Well of course!" she replied with a giggle and flushed cheeks, you wondered to yourself if she was drunk, "I don't want to have to wait another week to suck that juicy cock without restraint," Chaery next to her started laughing as well, which which served as proof to confirm that they were both drunk.

"Well, I can come at 12 noon, is that okay with you?" You raised an eyebrow, careful that Chaery didn't fall into the pool while she got up to look for more in a small cooler they had.

"That's mooore than perfect," she nodded several times, "I'll be waiting for you oppa!"

"Aha, but please be careful, you're drunk and very close to the pool," you entered the password to the gate, and it began to open.

"Hey, but I'm not drunk!" Chaery objected, returning with two cans of beer, clearly drunk.

"Whatever you say, good night, ladies," you winked at Yeji, and then left to get in your car and drive home.

———————————————————————

The next morning it was certainly difficult for you to get up at 10 in the morning and be able to get to the girls' house on time, so you had to have breakfast, bathe and dress fleetingly. At 11:45 you were driving to the townhouse, listening to A Thousand Bad Times and then Take What You Want by Post Malone, drinking an Iced Mocha you bought on the way.

You arrived much more punctual than you thought, 12:10 PM, and you were already parking the car outside the house. You went inside, and this time you didn't find anyone in the pool, so you went directly to go up to the living room, but when you were about to go up the stairs, someone pulled you back by your sweater, dragging yourself into a nearby room and quickly closing the door. You turned to see who it was, finding Ryujin in an oversized t-shirt that covered her knees, nothing new, since the naughty face was always the same.

"May I know what you're doing?" you asked Ryujin, looking at the room you were in. A kind of practice room, with a mirror wall and a sound system installed.

"Mmm, you have two options, daddy," she walked up to you, and put her hands behind her back as she looked into your eyes, "Yeji-unnie is waiting for you on the top floor, you can go with her, or…" Before speaking further, she slowly removed her shirt, revealing an incredibly sexy black one-piece lingerie, which as if that wasn't enough, was see through, "you can make her wait and fuck me in front of those mirrors."

You stayed without saying anything for a few seconds, seeing her nipples under her lingerie, her pretty pussy, it was fucking tempting, but this time you had to be rational.

"Your turn is next, don't be such a brat and wait until tomorrow," you said, making your stance clear.

"Come on daddy!" she begged, wrapping her arms around your neck and pressing her body against yours, "don't you like my lingerie? I bought it exclusively for you and for you to take it off," she started to give you small kisses on the chin, but you slipped away from her carefully.

"Baby, I love the lingerie on you, but please wait for your turn, I don't want to keep Yeji waiting," you cupped her face in your hands, looking into her eyes.

"Agh," she rolled her eyes in annoyance, "okay, go," she backed off with a sigh, stepping to the side of the door and picking up her shirt.

"Thanks, I promise it will be worth the wait," you gave her a peck on the cheek, walking towards the door.

"But daddy, you better not make me wait too long," she interrupted you when you'd already opened the door, "or I'll have to seek pleasure with someone else…" she said, followed by a mischievous giggle. You narrowed your eyes at her, seriously considering pushing her against the wall, ripping that lingerie off, and fucking her mercilessly.

"You're a fucking slut, Shin Ryujin."

"I am, but I'm a fucking slut that you would fuck every day without getting tired," she bit her lower lip, and winked at you. She wasn't wrong.

"See you later," you said to leave the room, before you made some stupid decision.

After taking a second on the stairs to take a deep breath, you went up to the second floor, and immediately to the third, to then go to Yeji's room, you went in, but Yeji wasn't there. You closed the door very carefully, and you dedicated yourself to exploring the rest of the rooms that you were sure were not occupied by anyone, all without any success except for one, the last one at the end of one of the corridors. You walked in, and what you saw left you both surprised and excited.

It was a small room, smaller than any of the rooms on that floor, but it felt extremely familiar to you, but for one simple reason: it was an almost exact copy of your massage room at work, except that you only there was a bed there, a bed on which Hwang Yeji lay, stark naked as she watched towards you, her countenance anything but happy.

"Damn... did you put all this together for the occasion?" you asked, looking at the varnished wooden furniture, the warm light and the plants.

"No time for questions, undress, now," she ordered, sharply and coldly, "you're 15 minutes late."

"I know, it's just…" you tried to excuse yourself, but she intensified her predatory gaze on you, "nothing, sorry," you finally said, starting to undress.

"You know what's about to happen, don't you?" she asked, watching you take off your pants and shoes.

"I can get an idea, yes, but I'd like you to be a little specific," you replied as you stripped out of your boxers and stood completely naked.

"You're going to do the exact same services as in one of your sessions," she began, then sitting on the edge of the bed and dangling her legs, "you're going to give me a foot massage, eat my ass, pussy, and you will give me a nice massage."

"Well, that doesn't seem much different."

"Don't get ahead of yourself, boy, there's a slight difference," you cocked your head, confused, "if I catch you with a boner, it'll add five more minutes to the activity in question, okay?"

"Uh… okay," you nodded, moving closer to her.

"If you manage to add less than 10 minutes, you'll have a special treat for yourself," as you stood in front of her, she crossed her legs and nuzzled one of her feet up your thigh, "should we get started?"

"Does it count if it's just a little hard?" you asked, before starting.

"No, I'm pious and I'll consider it only if it's completely hard," she replied, "now shut up and start."

Behind you, attached to the wall, was a rectangular wooden stool, which you carefully dragged to grab a towel, spread it out on the wooden surface, and then sit down. Your head was right at the level of Yeji's crotch, an unflattering place due to the circumstances but perfect for the massage.

You rested Yeji's feet each on your knees, making a slight parting in her legs that allowed you to see her nice, shaved pussy, but you ignored it completely, pretending it wasn't there. If you stared at it for more than 10 seconds, you were screwed.

Yeji was staring at you, which didn't make it any easier since her gaze was one of those that weighed like two African elephants crushing you, but again, you completely ignored any attempt to provoke you and got to work.

Your process every time you did a foot and leg massage was always the same, you weren't supposed to have any problems, but you were so fucking nervous that you felt clumsy as your thumbs pressed against Yeji's sole, still you concentrated on trying to do the best you could, thinking about anything away from what was happening so that the blood wouldn't pump into your dick.

Yeji knew the inhuman effort you were making, and just to annoy you, while you worked on one of her feet, with the other she slowly rubbed your thigh, teasing to reach your cock and back down to your knee. You took a deep breath, and closed your eyes just for a second to take the other foot from her and repeat the same process as with the first. Unfortunately, that didn't make things much better, because the same thing that she was doing with her foot, she began to do with the one you just released. You had a whole odyssey ahead of you, and you only had 5 minutes of the first phase.

After leaving her soles, her toes and both of her feet well massaged, you began to work your way up the calf of her right leg, using your fingers with gentle and precise pressures with which you massaged her muscles from every possible angle. At that moment Yeji spread her legs slightly wider, leaving her pussy even more exposed to you, and then leaned back to rest her hands on the bed, giving you a perfect showcase of all the features of her body. She was really making it difficult for you, but you wouldn't bow to her taunts.

You repeated the same treatment with her other calf, and then you focused on her thighs, which were undoubtedly the most difficult part of the entire activity, since it was when your hands and face were closest to her crotch. You tried to be as brief as possible with her thighs, but Yeji was being so mean to you, that she brought two fingers to her mouth to moisten them and then began to rub her pussy very slowly.

"You know you're cheating right?" you said, just looking at her thighs and ignoring what was happening a little higher up.

"Cheating what? I don't remember making any rules," she shrugged, still playing with her pussy as you began to massage her other thigh.

"I know but… fuck," you gasped, going through the final steps of the massage a little over 10 minutes into it.

"Looks like we have extra time, aren't you going to kiss my legs?" she asked, teasing with bringing two fingers into her pussy as she rubbed her slit up and down.

"Yes, of course, that can't be missing," you started to do just what she had said, starting with her left leg.

The first focus of your lips and your kisses were her toes, for which you distributed wet kisses and then went down to her sole and the sides of her foot. You took her by the calf, and from her foot you went up slowly with your kisses, filling every little space with kisses until you reached her knee, where you stopped only to change feet and repeat the same process with the other leg.

After leaving her wet with your saliva from the knees down, you had exactly two minutes left to kiss and lick her thighs, you started with the one on the left, and as you did, she began to rub her pussy slightly faster, between small moans that were taking you completely out of your focus, but you just had to hold on a little longer.

You continued with her other thigh, incredibly tempted to deviate from your main objective and eat her pussy right away, but you would have time for that. You gave her some special attention on her inner thighs near her crotch just to play with fire a bit, and when it seemed that everything was going to be perfect, something wanted to stop you. Yeji knew very well that there was less than a minute left on the clock, and she used that time to bring her foot directly to your cock, to start rubbing and stroke it with her sole and her toes.

"You're a fucking…" you started, holding your breath and pulling away from her legs as she kept moving her foot, you immediately closed your eyes, not to see what was happening. And just as your dick started to move, the 15 minutes were up.

"Fucking bitch, yeah, I know," she said proudly, and when you opened your eyes to look at her, she had stopped touching your cock with her foot and had stopped touching herself. All with a small innocent smile on her face, "you did very well, for now you haven't added any minutes, darling, but the hardest part is yet to come."

"Don't even remind me," you sighed, standing up and taking a moment to relax as you waited for your cock to go completely flaccid again, "alright, let's get st… okay, going."

Right when you turned around Yeji was already positioned for the next activity. She had risen from the bed, and had only her forearms resting on the lower edge of it, her back making a perfect and beautiful curve, and her ass completely ready for you.

You went to kneel right behind her, her ass now mere inches from your face. She moved her hips slowly, and then squeezed her buttocks with both hands to spread them, giving each one a hard spank and then spread them again to leave both of her holes well exposed. You removed her hands from her ass, so you could squeeze her buttocks yourself and plunge your face directly between them.

Yeji let out a mixture between a moan and a sigh when she felt the tip of your tongue begin to play little games on her ass. You started making circles on it, just tracing the outline and leaving it well salivated before starting to use all your techniques, which ranged from making certain specific movements according to the client or something as simple as inserting the tip of your tongue in her hole and move it inside in circles.

With Yeji you first went with the first option, and it was certainly working well, as she began to let out louder and more sensual moans. You released her buttocks, letting them press against your cheeks while you moved your tongue in zigzags and filled her ass with salivary kisses.

Once again, Yeji wanted to make you work much harder by taking her hand between her legs and start rubbing her pussy faster than a few minutes ago, this increased the volume of her moans, as well as how restless she was while you were trying to keep her in place. She twisted her hips slightly, and you had to grab her tightly around her waist to make her stay still.

"You eat my ass so fucking good baby..." she moaned, now inserting two fingers into her pussy and pumping them slowly, "that feels fucking amazing, I can't wait to get your big juicy cock in there."

Her dirty talk activated another switch in your brain, which reproduced the image of your cock disappearing into Yeji's ass so vividly that you even had to stop for a few seconds to be able to press hard on your own cock to make the few inches it grown up to lower down again, she turned to look at you immediately, expecting to find a boner, but for now you kept winning.

10 minutes had already passed, you had 5 left, in which you usually always did something different for the specific client according to their tastes, but with Yeji you didn't do shit, one because she didn't deserve it and second because if you did something, you were going to get a boner too easy. You just dedicated yourself to continue playing with your tongue in her ass, as intensely and as fast as you could to make it worth it for her.

Yeji stopped fingering herself and took that same hand to your hair, to pull it hard and push her hips back to press your mouth even more against her ass. Your breathing was completely obstructed, but luckily for you, within a few seconds time was up. You had won, it no longer mattered if you had erections, since there were only two activities left.

"Fuck Yeji, this is being fucking difficult," you said after taking a deep breath as you separated your face from her ass.

"You don't have to hold back anymore, anyway," she said with a ragged breath, "you've made it, darling, congratulations."

"Does that mean I'll get my gift?" you asked, raising an eyebrow as she looked down at you over her shoulder.

"Hell yes, but first you have to finish your itinerary, don't be smart with me," she gestured for you to get up, and you did.

Without any type of restriction or condition, you pressed your cock between her buttocks and took her by the shoulders to lift her up a bit, take her by the neck and lean in to kiss her intensely and fiery, full of all the sexual tension accumulated between you. from the day of the group session. This time your cock began to grow slowly, until in a matter of a minute it was completely hard and rubbing against Yeji's ass, who immediately broke the kiss and gave you a little push with a mischievous smile on her face.

"God, I really can't wait to get my dick deep inside that pretty pussy," you gasped, bringing a hand between her buttocks and rubbing her slit slowly.

"First focus on your work..." she grabbed your wrist and removed your hand from her pussy, "and then we can focus on that, okay?" she raised an eyebrow.

"As you command, boss, now come here," you grabbed Yeji by her waist and turned her around, to lift her onto the edge of the bed and spread her legs wide.

You fell back to your knees, your face now right in front of her wet, pretty pussy that was already screaming to be eaten. Yeji was staring at you, with slightly ruffled hair and a stare of a hungry predator that this time you dared to hold as you slowly brought your face closer, and without taking your eyes off her for a single second, you gave her pussy a very slow lick from down her slit to her clit. Yeji's face was an absolute poem, distorting in such an attractive way that it made your cock throb from the way she frowned and bit her lower lip.

"20 minutes honey..." she moaned as you continued to slowly lick her pussy in assorted ways as an entree, "you'll eat my pussy for 20 minutes... that dick is going to explode from how hard it is,” she dropped her head back for a second, panting, and looked back at you as you gently clung to her thighs and tasted her soft folds.

You already had previous experience eating Yeji's pussy, and you had her perfectly studied like a book, it was not difficult for you to attack her pussy with your tongue in the specific points that you knew would drive her crazy, and just like you expected it, so it happened. About 5 minutes had passed when you already had Hwang Yeji squirming on the bed.

She tried to close her thighs on either side of your head, but you used all your strength to keep her legs wide open, while you delivered fiery kisses between her folds and sensual licks of her clit. Her moans were undoubtedly the most pleasurable for you to hear so far, they aroused in you a carnal instinct that you usually couldn't bring out so often, that made the way you ate her pussy become frantic and indelicate, which made Yeji enjoy it even more.

Yeji brought a hand to your hair, tangling her fingers as much as possible in your strands so that she could hold on tight and press you further into her pussy. You responded by spitting out all the saliva that you had accumulated in your mouth right against her slit, leaving it completely soaked and slippery to now give special attention to her clitoris, which you began to attack with your tongue and lips, giving her sucks and wet kisses, which caused Yeji to fall back against the bed amid loud cries of pleasure.

"Oh god don't fucking stop!" Yeji moaned, almost scalping you with her fingers, "I'm right there honey, right fucking there!"

She wouldn't stop writhing in pleasure on the bed, and she began to shake as her first orgasm hit her suddenly. Once again, Yeji made the instinctive attempt to squeeze your head into her thighs, but you didn't budge for a moment, keeping her legs spread wide and eating her pussy like an animal even through her intense spasms and moans. You collected all her fluids from her slit as if it were a prize, licking clean between her folds and giving her clit more slow and careful licks.

"We still have 10 minutes left, bossie, don't relax too much," you said, pulling away from her pussy and regulating your breathing.

You stood up, and let your hard cock rest on Yeji's belly, to lean forward and kiss her lips. She cupped your face with both hands, letting out small moans in the middle of the kiss, while you brought one of your hands to her tits to give it a gentle squeeze. You would have kept kissing her, but she put a hand on her chest and pushed you up to get away from her.

"You're getting too excited, champ, finish the job," she said looking into your eyes, and patting your chest.

The clock was already ticking past 12 minutes, more than enough time to make her enjoy it a little more. You straightened up again, and walked to stand on the side of the bed. From there, you brought a hand straight to Yeji's slit, rubbing your two fingers up and down between her saliva-soaked folds. She stared at you, then grabbed your wrist to bring your free hand to the breast you hadn't grabbed before. You squeezed it hard, and she bit her lip as she anticipated your next move.

You rubbed her folds for a few short seconds, until you slid your two fingers inside her tight pussy. Yeji immediately clung to your wrist and let out a small moan with her lips pursed, she arched her back, and with your gaze fixed on her face, you began to pump your fingers in and out of her tight cavern, which they slid smoothly thanks to how wet it was.

You were slow and careful at first, making her believe that you would be as patient as possible when making her cum considering the time you had left for that activity, but on the contrary, you wanted to test your abilities, and see if you were able to make her reach her ecstasy more than once in less than 7 minutes, so not even a minute passed when you started fingering her pussy at full power, causing the palm of your hand to crash hard against her crotch with each pump.

"Tell me something..." you started, a mischievous smile on your face as you moved your wrist as fast as you could, even going so far as to make a bead of sweat slowly trickle down your temple, "What is the maximum amount of times someone has made you cum?"

Yeji tried to answer you, but you moved your hand from her soft perky tit to her neck, to grasp your fingers firmly and slightly cut off her breath, that made her whole body tense, and her pussy tightened around your fingers. Her moans couldn't get out of her mouth, they stayed suppressed in her throat in the form of growls that sent vibrations through your hand and to your wrist. She looked into your eyes, with a frown and a fucking sexy countenance that she kept until she cummed.

Having no possible way to avoid it, her thighs locked tightly on each side of your wrist, but this didn't stop you from continuing to move it like a tireless machine, even as Yeji was mere inches away from falling off the bed in the middle of the violent spasms that her body produced. You squeezed her neck even tighter, holding her in place until her body stopped shaking and then removing your fingers from her neck, letting her moan as much and as loud as she wanted.

"Holy fucking shit that feels fucking amazing!!" she squeaked, spreading her legs again only to watch your fingers slide in and out of her pussy, "keep going keep going keep going!!" implored Yeji between moans, closing her eyes and arching her back.

You only had two minutes left on the clock, so you had to be quick and look for the first and only quick option you had at the moment, which was to take your free hand to her pussy, to rub her clit while you fucked her pussy with your fingers. You no longer had a way to hold Yeji to the bed, and you had no choice but to bend a little and support your arm over her abdomen to prevent her from moving.

Thirty seconds left when Yeji reached her second orgasm in a row, yelling all kinds of obscenities to the rooftops, grabbing your hair and scratching your back with her nails. You slightly winced in pain, but kept moving both sets of fingers as the bed shook from Yeji's intense shaking. Your face was now closer to her pussy, so you took advantage of your closeness to just lean forward a bit and remove your two hands to run your tongue repeatedly over her slit, eating her pussy until time was over.

"So? I broke the record?" you asked, wiping the sweat from your forehead and standing up to look her down, with her hair all messy and plastered to her face.

"I didn't even answer you…" she said, wiping the tears from her eyes and still breathing hard, to which you just stared at her, hoping she would put her pride aside to be honest, "Ugh, yeah, so what? you smiled, seeing her get defensive after completely ruining her.

"Nothing, I'm just curious since you were acting so overbearing a moment ago," you laughed, grabbing one of the nearby towels to dry your face and looking for the massage oil, which you ended up finding on a shelf.

"Hey! I'm still in charge!" she protested, trying to prop herself up with her feet on the bed to sit up, but failing, "fuck..." she muttered.

"Sure?" you teased with a mocking giggle, "I only see a pair of shaky legs and hair like you've come out of a tornado," you started arranging everything out of mere habit of your work.

"I don't know what you're talking about, just keep doing your job, moron," she snapped with a snort, lying flat on the bed and closing her eyes.

"Woah, those are pretty ugly words for someone who just made you cum three times in a row," when you were all set, you picked up the little elephant-shaped glass jar that contained the oil and poured it in a line from her lower abdomen to the middle of her tits, you put it aside, and began to spread the oil all over her belly, her ribs, her waist and her pretty tits.

"You're running out of your prize, boy…" she murmured, trying to stay as relaxed as possible as you ran your hands over her tits and back down to her tummy.

"We both know that you don't want to leave me without my prize, Hwang Yeji," you said quietly as the atmosphere had relaxed and there was a peaceful silence in the room, "if what you're going to do is suck my dick, you'll do it anyway," your hands now moved to her arms, pouring a line of oil into each one then beginning to spread it slowly and carefully.

Yeji didn't answer anymore, she just took a deep breath and then exhaled with a sigh with which you couldn't help but laugh.

With Yeji now quiet and serene, you had a free hand to continue pouring oil on the rest of her body, now you went to her legs, pouring a line from her thighs to her feet each, and when you left them very oily, you reached the part you were waiting for the most. You took the glass jar and raised it to the level of your face, pouring the oil from that height so that it fell directly into her pussy; you set the jar aside, and with your hands you began to spread the oil just around the contours of her sensitive pussy, slightly pressing her lips inward and causing Yeji to have slight nervous reflexes.

You decided to be kind to her and not put too much emphasis on that area, you just made a few more strokes with your hands until the area was well covered, rubbing one last time but this time with the side of your hand between her folds. Yeji jumped, and complained with a small squeak.

"Fuck... I'm still very sensitive, oppa, be careful," she said in a small voice.

"You said what?" you asked, raising both eyebrows in surprise at that word, as you began the massage after having covered the entire upper face of her body with oil.

"I'm just... I'm sensitive, shut up," she said before shutting up again, this time you managed to hold back your laughter.

You started from her calves, slowly going up her legs and reaching her thighs, with which you did your typical massage routine to leave her muscles completely relaxed and released from tension. You finished with her thighs, and then moved on to her upper body, where you began by massaging her waist and lower abdomen applying slightly stronger pressure than normal, which each and every one of your clients usually liked, Yeji wasn't the exception, you knew it by the change in her breathing and a slight sigh that she let out.

After a minute concentrating on her belly and her ribs, you went up directly to her tits, with which you began to play more than massage, as you teased her by pinching her nipples and squeezing her mounds in a sensual way, brushing your hard cock with the side of her torso completely intentionally to provoke her. Yeji began to make very discreet sounds of pleasure, and you noticed how she made the move to raise her hand to grab your cock, but she immediately lowered it, remembering that this was not how she was supposed to act.

"Are you liking that, bossie?" you asked in a soothing voice, massaging her tits but also moving your hands up to her shoulders.

"A lot, darling..." she sighed, giving you a little smile without opening her eyes.

"Good to know, because the best part is yet to come," you leaned down as quietly as possible, and placed a very soft kiss on Yeji's lips, who not only kissed you back, but also caressed your cheek with her thumb before you parted from her lips, "Turn down, please," you whispered, and then straightened up again.

"That's 5 more minutes," she said, still with the cute little smile on her face, pointing at your cock as she rolled onto her stomach, lying on her own forearms.

"That's fine by me, I can assure you that I don't mind having my hands on this delicious body for a few more minutes," you picked up the bottle of oil and poured it down her back in an S shape, reaching down to her lower back.

You spread the oil all over her back, her shoulders and also the back of her arms, covering every missing part of her upper body until her skin was all shiny and slippery. Then you went to her legs, repeating the same process as with her upper body. Finally, you poured a small circle of oil on each of her buttocks, to press your hands against them and give them a strong squeeze before spreading the oil.

Having left every area of the back of her body oiled up you now began working on her shoulder blades, then her lats and then her back, taking your time with each one since you still had 6 left minutes. You moved slowly down to her hips, bypassing her ass to move to her thighs and then her calves.

Her ass was the only place you needed to massage on her body, and you were sure that you would make it worth the remaining time on the clock. You carried out quite typical movements and within the ordinary, nothing too risqué at first, until when she least expected it, you took a hand between her buttocks and began to lubricate her hole at the same level as the rest of her skin. Yeji moaned under her breath and squirmed a bit, enjoying how your fingers slid up and down the surface of her ass and down to her slit, which now less sensitive, you also lubricated with oil and slow movements with your fingers.

"Mmm..." she moaned low, pursing her lips, "what are you doing, honey?" she asked in a sexy voice as your fingers rubbed her folds and then teased into her ass.

"Taking advantage of the remaining time, don't you like it?" you asked, taking one of your fingers very slowly and discreetly inside her ass, Yeji moaned a little louder, still without losing her composure.

"I wasn't complaining… I just asked what you were doing," she gasped, "but I can already tell what you're doing."

"Preparing you for what's to come, perhaps?" When your finger was buried up to your knuckle, you added another of your fingers, this time slowly pumping in and out of her hole.

"God… yeah, all I want right now is to have that big throbbing cock inside my tight ass," Yeji moaned, opening her eyes to look up at you over her shoulder as she bit her lower lip, "but… look over there," she nodded for you to look at the clock, you did, realizing there were only 10 seconds left.

"Fuck," you grumbled, pulling your fingers out of her ass to a gasp from Yeji, "well, does that mean I have my prize? what is it?"

Yeji didn't answer you right away, she got up from the bed with difficulty, her legs still shaky but strong enough to stand up. She reached for the towel that was covering the bed, and with one quick tug, she revealed what was hidden under that towel. A hole. The bed had a perfectly cut circular hole, just big enough for...

"I'm gonna fuck milk you, that's your prize honey," Yeji said, taking shaky steps towards you to get you onto the bed, "and you're going to suffer for the same 15 god damn minutes I did."

"Are you serious?" You raised both eyebrows, looking at the hole, "I mean, that's fucking hot but..."

"Lie on your stomach, boy, right now," Yeji ordered, to which you had no choice but to obey without question. You lay on your stomach, and with the help of your hand, you pulled your cock and balls out of the hole, leaving them hanging down.

"Please don't torture me, I've been good to you," you sighed, lying down on your hands and closing your eyes.

"I'm not going to torture you, fool," she said, ducking under the bed, where you obviously couldn't see her anymore, "but I'll make sure to drain you real good."

There was a little silence, and the next thing you felt were Yeji's fingers gently clinging to your cock to start rubbing it very slowly, and as the seconds passed, she moved her wrist faster and faster. The pumping was steady and fast, but suddenly, she slowed down drastically, moving her hand slowly again. You just sighed, knowing that this was the dynamic you were going to follow for the next few minutes.

Yeji continued to move her hand, alternating between fast and slow pumping that only lasted about 10 seconds each, until she stopped moving her wrist and caught the tip of your cock with her soft lips, causing you to gasp as she gently sucked just the tip, while she began to move her hand again.

The slow pumping persisted until another minute later, when Yeji began to drag her lips closer and closer to the middle of your shaft, applying strong suction and skillful movements with her tongue, while she cupped your balls very gently with her hand, rubbing them. with palm and fingers. She kept moving her head in an intermediate rhythm, taking half of your cock in and out of her mouth as she let out little moans around it, and seconds later, she slowly pushed her lips down to your base so that your tip rested against her throat.

"What the fuck Yeji..." you growled, clenching your fists as Yeji continued with your cock down her throat. It wasn't until a few seconds later when she took you out giving a strong breath, you couldn't see anything, but you knew that her mouth must be a mess with saliva just like your shaft.

She spat the pooled saliva from her mouth back onto your cock, and grabbing your balls with one hand, she grabbed your shaft with the other and started moving her wrist so fast she made you moan under your breath. Her fingers squeezed your balls very gently, as if she was warming up your load just minutes before it came out.

Her hand felt amazing, your feet were wrinkled and you were breathing hard as Yeji pumped her wrist mercilessly, and seconds later, she took you into her mouth again, sucking in a sloppy, messy way the entire length of your cock with her pretty lips. She deepthroated you once more, this time holding out longer before pumping her head again frantically.

You were going completely crazy with pleasure, you opened your eyes, desperate to see Yeji in her eyes but only finding yourself with the padded surface of her mattress. You leaned on your forearms, panting heavily as you began to feel tingles through your entire body.

"Y-Yeji... I'm going to..." you started to say, and Yeji immediately took you out of her mouth to now slowly masturbate you, much more than you expected, making it torturous and almost painful. You grunted, your orgasm completely delayed until at last, you exploded, "Aghh! Fuck!" you complained between moans.

Yeji kept moving her hand, while you shot all your big thick load, which you would have loved to see how it painted all over her beautiful face, but you had to limit yourself to close your eyes while she massaged your balls and moved her wrist. She took you into her mouth, sucking the entire length of your shaft to clean you, but she didn't give you a split second as she began to move her hand again, this time just as quickly and frantically as a moment ago. You cried out in pain, since your cock was still too sensitive, and you bit your forearm, muffled grunts against it.

"Give me another fucking load, honey, give all that delicious milk to me," she teased, and you heard her chuckle again.

It took a moment for the pain to transform back into pleasure, but for those seconds all you could do was hold your composure with all your might. Yeji played no dirty tricks this time, she moved her wrist in a steady rhythm, helping herself with her tongue on the tip of your cock to make you come faster.

After a few seconds, which passed extremely slowly for you, your moment of release finally arrived. You shot your load between loud groans and little spasms that shook your body, but this time Yeji took you right into her mouth, to catch every remaining drop of your cum and swallow it. When the fluid stopped coming out of your cock, she used just her mouth to suck you slowly, until you were clean and good as new.

"Fuck… please don't do that again," you said, trying to control your breathing and falling face-first into the mattress.

"Oh don’t worry, time ran out two minutes ago, no need," she said from under the table, followed by a mocking laugh, you opened your eyes to the clock.

"You see? You're a fucking cheater!" you said, clearly disappointed but not surprised, you just rolled your eyes, resting your forehead against the mattress as you caught your breath.

"You fucking loved it, I don't think you want to discuss it anymore do you?" She came out from under the table, and you saw her out of the corner of your eye, she had her whole face full of cum, her forehead, her cheeks, her chin, and even her tits.

"I have no comment for either," you replied, pulling your cock out of the hole and turning around, closing your eyes and blocking the light with your forearm to take a little break, trying to absorb the little shock of having cum so often and so hard.

"It doesn't matter, I know I drive you crazy…" there was a silence, "honey," she murmured in a low, sexy voice against your ear, and you gave a slight shiver, still blindfolded by your forearm, "I shouldn't give you rest, but I'm quite merciful, you know?"

"Oh yeah? That's not how it seemed to me a moment ago," you snapped, still offended that she didn't respect the clock.

"I could have edged you and made you cum denial, several times, actually I thought so, but today I don't feel so wicked," you felt her climb on the bed with you, and she straddled your abdomen, her thighs on either side of your torso, "so, I'll let you rest," she leaned forward, you felt her tits pressed against your chest, her hair tickling your arm, "but I want something in return, too. "

"Blow it up, Hwang," you said, removing your forearm from your eyes to see her, already with her face and her tits clean.

"Mmm, how about I ride your face?" she asked, looking into your eyes, hands on either side of your head.

"Do I have a choice?"

"Nope, not really," she denied, sitting up on your stomach and turning around, now sitting up with her back facing you.

"Then come here," you said, taking Yeji by her waist and pulling her back until her ass was floating just inches from your face.

She lowered her hips as soon as she felt your hot breath against her pussy, burying your face between her lovely buttocks so that your mouth came into contact with her wet folds. You gripped your fingers against the flesh at Yeji's waist, moving your tongue up and down across her folds and then moving your hands to her buttocks to give each a light squeeze. Yeji moaned, and she placed both hands on your abdomen to caress it gently, then leaned forward a little more and now caressed your thighs.

You didn't pay special attention only to her pussy, but also to her ass. You alternated between these two every few seconds, dishing out wet kisses and licks on each one until they were well salivated. Yeji let out small moans of pleasure, grinding her hips from front to back looking for your mouth to hit every possible point of her pussy, she lightly dug her nails into your thighs, and seconds later, your cock began to move.

"Wow, looks like someone came back to life," Yeji said, giggling mischievously between small moans, and grinding her hips a little faster.

Yeji lowered her chest against your abdomen, you felt her perky round tits pressing against it, and her hot breath against your cock, which she caught with one hand and brought to her mouth even though it was a bit flaccid. You moaned against her pussy, which in that moment you lashed out with your tongue at her clit every time she moved her hips back far enough.

It took a while for your cock to return to its usual hard state, but Yeji was patient, giving it slow, careful, unhurried, sensual sucks until your full length had grown into her warm mouth.

"Alright, stop," she said pulling you out of her mouth once you were fully hard and ready to go again, "fuck me once and for all please," she pushed off of you, kneeling to the side.

"I thought you'd never fucking ask me," you growled, getting off the bed to push the stool away, spread a clean towel on the floor and take Yeji in your arms to lay her on it, she immediately positioned herself on her hands and knees, looking over her shoulder at you, smiling mischievously and moving her ass from side to side like a Cheshire cat.

"Do I have a pretty ass, oppa?" she asked in the same innocent little voice that she had unconsciously used before.

"Yeah you fucking do," you replied, picking up the jar of oil from under the table to pour it over your cock and then over Yeji's ass and pussy, leaving her skin even more glossy and slippery, "A perfect one for pound like a complete animal."

The oil in the jar had already completely run out, so you just left it on top of the bed and focused on what really mattered. You took your cock with one hand, and you began to rub it slowly against her round and slippery pair of buttocks, she threw her hips back, moving your cock between them and staring into your eyes.

"Put that juicy cock inside my pussy oppa, I know how much you want it," she gasped, biting her lip, and you placed one hand on one of her buttocks, while with the other you guided your cock into her pussy, slowly making your way between her folds as it slipped easily between her walls, "fuck yeah!" she moaned, frowning in pleasure, "that's just what I'm talking about honey…" she leaned into her forearms, gasping until your cock was buried deep in her pussy.

You too let out a long moan full of pleasure and satisfaction, feeling Yeji's incredibly tight pussy for the first time around your cock. You rested your hands on her waist, and unable to contain yourself any longer, you began to move your hips back and forth, fucking her pussy with strong, steady thrusts. Needing you as much as you needed her, Yeji soon became a whimpering mess as your pelvis crashed harder and harder against her ass, she had her head buried between her forearms, and she lifted it to see you over her shoulder and bite her lip.

Her right buttock received a hard smack that was muffled by the layer of oil, and then another on the other buttock of the same intensity. You started to move your hips faster, fucking her pussy in a mixture of desire and fury that you had built up since she was teasing you in her foot massage. Seeking to better vent your frustration, you leaned forward a bit and grabbed a handful of Yeji's brown hair to pull it back, raising her head and thereby increasing the arch of her back.

Yeji's moans turned into screams of pleasure as you shook her body and fucked her without any kind of care and mercy, you pulled a little harder on her hair, then pushed her forward again and made her fall with one side of her face and resting on her hands, leaving her ass well raised for you.

You kept fucking her with hard, fast thrusts, making the meat on her buttocks bounce like jelly with each crash. You would have loved to keep pounding her pussy like that, but a face as perfect and beautiful as Yeji's deserved to be seen and admired. You pulled out of her pussy, and with a strong grip on her waist, you turned her onto her back, to open her legs wide and take your cock inside her again.

"Look into my eyes with that slutty look of yours, kitty, go ahead," you growled, placing both hands on either side of her body as you pumped hard up and down her pussy. She writhed and moaned in pleasure, but still she made the effort to give you that stinging, fucking sexy look, while her tits bounced and her mouth was parted.

"That's it oppa… fuck me like a cock addicted little slut," she growled, grabbing you around her neck tightly with both hands and then tangling her fingers in the hair at the nape of your neck.

You plunged right into Yeji's pretty, sweaty neck, dishing out kisses and bites as your cock moved in and out of her pussy as fast as your hips could go. She surrounded your body with her legs, and she whimpered against your ear in the midst of desperate attempts to get even closer to you.

"Cum for me, you little bitch," you gasped against her ear, "give my cock a good squeeze with that wet pussy."

"Yes oppa!" she screeched, clawing at your back with both hands, "I'm going to fucking cum all around that big cock!" Yeji's body continued to be shaken and pounded by your thrusts, you waited a few seconds, and just when you felt the right moment, you stopped moving your hips and pulled your cock out of her pussy, "WHAT?! NO!" she complained, and she would have nearly cried if you weren't now guiding your cock into her ass.

"Shut the fuck up, bitch," you growled, letting your cock slide slowly into her ass, which gave way to your length and spread so easily, "I'm the one in charge now. "

"You fucking..." she was going to insult you, but as soon as she opened her mouth to finish the sentence, you brought both of your hands to her neck, tightening your fingers around it firmly. Yeji gasped, now holding her breath with a frown and her mouth ajar.

You weren't sure how much experience she had with anal, but you didn't give a shit since you started pounding her ass as hard as her pussy a few seconds ago. Yeji moaned and squealed as loud as she could, but no concrete sound could come out of her mouth due to the strong pressure you were exerting with your hands on her neck.

She held onto your wrists tightly, teary-eyed as she bit her bottom lip, you noticed her face was slightly red, so you released some pressure on her neck only for her to take a breath and then you squeezed again. You on the other hand fucked her ass with long, strong thrusts, filling the silent room with loud sounds of skin crashing against skin.

You fucked her ass for about a minute and a half more, until suddenly, and in one quick motion, you released her neck to guide your cock straight into her pussy again. Yeji now freed from the pressure of your fingers, she managed to let out all the loud and intense whimpers that she hadn't been able to, while tears ran down her cheeks and her body writhed with pleasure.

"Just let me fucking cum!!" she begged between moans, "Please! I beg you oppa!" she looked you in the eye, and you could have felt sorry for her, but you were very sure that deep down, that was exactly what she wanted.

You took both of Yeji's legs and brought them together, to hold her two ankles in the air and lean forward, fucking her wet pussy now in a new angle that drove her completely crazy. You rocked your hips up and down, your cock fully moving in and out of her pussy with each intense pumping while Yeji was now crying with pleasure.

"You'll cum when I'm going to do it too, neither before nor fucking after," you ordered, bringing out your dominant side while sweat began to cover every part of your body, especially your forehead, which was already soaked.

"THEN FUCKING CUM ALREADY!! I CAN'T HOLD IT ANYMORE!! FUCK!!" Yeji at that moment broke the record for the loudest that a person could have screamed in the middle of the sexual act, and you were sure that the whole house would be able to hear it.

You really had no reason to hold back, but if you were going to do it, you wanted to do it right, so once again, you slid out of her pussy and slid back into her ass, where you took a few hard, fast thrusts until you felt the tingling in your lower abdomen.

"Cum, you fucking slut, cum!!" you growled, taking the last few thrusts until you both exploded in a chain of loud moans and spasms that shook you both equally. Yeji's body went wild in violent spasms that crumpled the towel under her, and you shot what would be your last load of the day into her tight ass, multiple thick spurts, filling her deep with your seed.

"Oh my fucking god you are filling me up so fucking good!! Yes!!" she whimpered, and you released her ankles only to fall forward and kiss her as you both moaned through your orgasms. Your lips danced in an intense and fiery kiss for a few long seconds, until the fire in it subsided and it became a calmer and more careful kiss. You came out of her ass, letting all your cum flow freely from it onto the white towel.

"It was worth it... wasn't it?" you teased with a smile, placing small kisses on Yeji's sweaty face.

"I wanted to fucking kill you, asshole," she said weakly, caressing your shoulders with her hands.

"You fucking loved it, I don't think you want to discuss it anymore do you?" you said, repeating the exact same words that she had used against you earlier.

"God… I'd kick you if I could just feel my body right now," she hissed, pushing you off of her.

"As you say, bossie," you laughed, taking Yeji into your arms like a princess and setting her down on the bed again.

"You have to go honey, we have a scheduled activity later and manager nim will be here in a few hours," she told you, lying on the bed and caressing your abdomen with her hand.

"Are you going to stay here?" you asked, cocking your head.

"It's a comfortable and quiet room, just what I need right now to rest," she agreed, her hair all tousled and her body still shaking, "I'll see you later, pretty boy," she winked at you.

“Well, gotcha,” you sighed, “I'll see you later, little kitty," you winked back at her, leaned down to kiss her on the lips and then gathered up all your clothes to go out into the hall and quickly get dressed.

You quickly went down to the second floor, going through the living room and some rooms to say goodbye to the girls, but they weren't there, in fact, you found the living room in a complete mess, with wet spots everywhere and the furniture completely messy, even the floor was full of stains. You thought it was very weird and suspicious, but you didn't have time to delve into it too much at the moment, so you just ignored it and headed down to the first floor, finding yourself with a big surprise.

Yuna, Lia, Ryujin and Chaery were standing next to each other right in front of the glass door leading to the pool and towards the exit, their hair a mess and all sweaty. The four of them completely naked.

"What the f...?" you frowned, very fucking too confused, a few meters from them.

"You better fuck my ass as hard as Yeji, oppa," Chaery said, biting her lower lip and rubbing her calves together.

"Huh? How do you..." before you could speak, Lia pulled an iPad from her back and showed you the screen, where there were multiple little squares with different images each, you looked at what they were, and noticed that Yeji was in each and every one of them, in the exact same position from different angles.

"We set up that room for all of us to have fun, darling," Lia said, "there are cameras and microphones in every corner, I'm surprised you haven't noticed any."

"Oppa!" Yuna caught your attention, "why weren't you so creative with me? That was fucking amazing!" she pouted.

"Maybe because you made me fuck you in a public place as an idol?" you asked, raising an eyebrow, to which Ryujin approached you without saying anything to bring her two fingers directly to your mouth, you tasted them by mere instinct, noticing a clear familiar taste, her fingers were soaked with pussy fluids.

"Oh, don't forget this before you go," Lia said, handing the iPad to Ryujin and walking to the right, where you hadn't noticed that there were three pairs of panties and a black lingerie, all four obviously soaked. One pink, another red, another light blue, and the last one, which was the lingerie with which Ryujin had tried to provoke you a few hours ago.

"What am I going to do with this?" you asked, as Lia handed you the panties and lingerie, completely drenched in fluids.

"I don't know, consider them little souvenirs," she winked at you, and stood on tiptoe to give you a peck on the cheek, "next time the group fun will be much more interesting with you and Yeji unnie, oppa, see you later," she winked at you, and the rest of them waved her hands goodbye as they stepped to the side of the exit.

You walked out of the house completely stunned and in disbelief, what level of perversion had these girls reached to install cameras in an improvised spa room and have a mini orgy in their living room? It was the kind of thing that a common person would never think possible in people like them, but there they were, watching you from the inside while you went outside. You stowed the panties and lingerie in the glove compartment of your car, and still taking in how fucking wild everything had been so far, you drove back to your house in complete silence.

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Spren Notes: The most intense and hot episode to date, hell fucking yes. Nothing else to say, just hope u guys enjoyed!

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