#or anybody else for that matter i just hope i don't have to write this much again LMAOOOO
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Loving Who You Are, Not What You Offer
Rating: Teen and Up
CW: Referenced Rape/Non-Con (Not Between Main Pairing), Panic Attack (Sort of)
Tags: Post Season 4, Post Canon, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Asexual Steve Harrington, Coming Out, Protective Eddie Munson, Patient Eddie Munson, Steve Harrington Has Sexual Trauma, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, Eddie Munson is a Sweetheart, Slight Comphet Steve Harrington, Dialogue Heavy
Okay, honestly, this one comes from a more personal place. So I'm gonna have to ask y'all to be kind about this one. I've recently come to terms that I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum and I just needed to apply that somewhere, so. Also, writing from Eddie's point of view rather than Steve's helps me, so I don't wanna hear shit about it.
Read the content warning one more time before you continue and let me know if I missed anything <3
🩵—————🩵
There was an uncovered layer to Steve Harrington, that much Eddie has deduced.
It’s a subtle, blink and you wouldn’t notice, kind of thing. But even this uncovered layer had layers. And he’s not sure if anybody else has caught on. He was able to catalog several odd things about Steve that just…didn’t match his character. Not at all. Which has led, though it started casually and accidentally, to Eddie making a whole new doctrine.
The Odd Steve Behavior Doctrine. With a few noticeable bullet points:
-Don’t touch him without asking
-Don’t ask him about his sex life
-Don’t talk about sex around him, at all
-He especially doesn’t like casual intimacy
-Earning Steve’s trust is like climbing up a rocky mountain
He follows these rules he’s made for himself. Tries to keep himself casual and known in Steve’s presence. And hopes that it’s enough to get Steve to crack, even the slightest. Maybe he’ll say why these things bother him, Eddie initially thought.
Maybe I’ll just keep my mouth shut and let Steve come to me in his own time, he eventually noted. Because he doesn’t need to be in everybody’s business all the time, which is a typical thing for Eddie. He likes being nosy and involved with the lives of people around him. He likes to think of himself as the person his friends can come to, no matter the reason or the intensity of their need. And maybe part of it is selfish, too. He can admit that to himself. That he, in turn, wants to be everything Steve needs at the end of the day. Bearing the brunt of all that Steve has going wrong or right in his life.
Things come to Eddie little by little from Steve’s mouth. None that answer to any of the bullets in his doctrine, but things that are important, too. Like confessions, moments that Steve saw as flaws.
“I called Jonathan Byers a queer in 1983. That’s why he beat me up. I deserved it,” he told Eddie one day. Casually, complete nonchalance, as easy as discussing the weather. Steve had been cradling a mug of coffee at their local diner. Picked at the pancake platter he ordered all for himself. And, at Eddie’s coming out (“I’m gay, Steve,” Eddie admitted quietly mere moments before. He brought up love lives. Was poking around what was going on with Steve’s. And casually, he realizes, it just came up.), Steve took a sharp inhale. Confessed this bomb of a statement. Grimaced at the memory that must’ve played out behind his eyes. Then, murmured, “But thank you for trusting me with that, Eddie. I just need you to know that I was somebody you wouldn’t before. In case that…In case maybe you wanna take back that trust. Wouldn’t blame you, that’s all I’m saying.”
Eddie sat in that for a good several moments. As they slurped at their room temperature, rather mediocre mugs of Joe. “I still trust you,” he eventually said, “You don’t have to keep proving yourself to me, you know?” Steve merely shrugged. And that was confessional number one.
Following that, Steve mentioned being tortured by Russians. Which, Eddie thought that was reason for him not liking touch. It may be part of the reason, but there was something to Steve’s eyes that told him that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Eddie didn’t ask. Steve didn’t elaborate. Tortured by Russians, beat up by his peers, chewed up like a dog toy, the list in Eddie’s mind of All the Bad Things That Happened to Steve was growing longer and longer by the day. But Steve was telling him things, letting him in. It was a start.
So, Eddie had two catalogs all about Steve to keep up with in his mind. All the Bad Things and The Do’s and Don’ts of Steve Harrington.
Being his friend was an earned thing and it was a pleasant thing, but it also broke Eddie’s heart bit by bit. He’d never admit to this, but he had to realize that at some point. He wondered if Robin ever felt the same. Maybe even Nancy. But he wasn’t going to ask. Because who asks something like that? Eddie won’t be the first, but it won’t be the last somebody thinks that, he’s sure.
Even though Steve was breaking through his own mold, cracking his mask, shattering mirrors of who he was, none of it actually answered any of Eddie’s don’ts regarding him. None of it eased him. None of it lended itself in any sort of way. If anything, all of these other greater things only added to the incessant itch that couldn’t be scratched under Eddie’s skin.
Who are you really, Steve, Eddie asked himself all too much.
He doesn’t want to upset the poor guy.
But he’ll never know, he’s coming to realize. It’s just not in the cards.
———
It comes to a head, because of course it does. And he didn’t mean for it to, but it just happens.
They’re hanging out at Steve’s new-ish apartment. Lounging around on his, frankly, ugly floral second-hand couch. It’s musty and not all that soft on the cushions, lumpy and shifting. But they make do with it as they have a movie marathon. Steve is sprawled between the far right and middle cushion, Eddie is leaning against the left arm rest, legs crossed one over the other, head in his hand. Then, his stomach grumbles all too loudly in a room full of droning noise.
He leans into Steve’s space slightly. Reaches out a hand and places it on his thigh. Squeezes Steve’s leg and opens his mouth to ask if he’s hungry. But, for some reason, Steve tenses to the extremes underneath his touch. His hands grip harshly to the back of the couch and the throw pillow near his head. Legs going taut and straining against Eddie’s touch.
“Steve?” Eddie calls softly.
“Stop,” musters from Steve. It’s tiny. Cracking in half. Brings tears to his eyes immediately.
Eddie furrows his eyebrows, though. “What?” He asks. “What am I doing?” There’s a thrum in his chest. Something unsettling and obtuse. It pulsates and shifts and bitters his throat the way acidic bile does.
With force Eddie’s only seen in the Upside Down, Steve latches onto Eddie’s wrist. Tight enough that Eddie has to bite back a yelp of pure and unadulterated pain. Nearly enough to break the bone that Steve’s thumb digs into. He shoves Eddie away with just his grip. Scrambles to the far corner of the couch, legs tucked in close to his chest, knees colliding with his chin. He wraps his arms around himself.
And then, the softest noise breaks through between them. It’s quiet, yet somehow louder than the tape playing. It works its way under Eddie’s skin. Into his stomach, through his throat, and into his brain. Steve’s gentle, manufactured cries. Stifled behind his lips. In real time, Eddie watches him shatter. The way his eyes gloss over, his cheeks going splotchy with the sounds, his shoulders shake.
“Woah, hey,” Eddie whispers, reaching out again. He wants to ground him. Wants to comfort the way he knows how. How he soothes Wayne’s panic episodes. And how he calms Dustin down from lashing out. Or when Robin talks herself in circles. Wants to just…be there. “Hey, Steve, are you—“
“Don’t touch me,” Steve bites out, “I don’t have anything—You—I don’t want to.”
Immediately, Eddie drops his hand to the now unoccupied middle cushion. The fabric meeting his palm. Going cold. Warm where Steve had just been relaxed. And Eddie—he may be a dastardly fool most days, dumb as rock the others, three time senior—knows exactly what he did, now that he’s focused on every small movement he makes. He’s perceptive to the way Steve is leaning as far away as possible. How crumpled he makes his body. Eddie notices how much space has been created and where his hands lie.
I’m so stupid, he thinks, that’s like rule one.
Don’t touch him without asking.
“Fuck,” Eddie softly curses. He pulls himself away. To his own corner of the sofa. And swallows the bit of panic that rises in him. His eyes drift away from Steve’s fearful face, to his own hands. Twitches them in his lap, against his knees. Wants to cut them off. Throw them into a blender. Feed them to the birds. Something. But he forces himself to look back up.
Steve trembles against the couch. In a way that is not the Steve Harrington that Eddie met when fighting other worldly creatures. That dismantles everything and anything he once knew.
“Shit. I—Steve, I’m so sorry,” he quickly apologizes. “I’m sorry. I know that you don’t like that unless people ask. And I just—I wasn’t thinking, I promise. It was just—You know, I’m touchy with all my friends and I was just going to see if you wanted me to make some dinner or order some food. I was just trying to get your attention, y’know, and I didn’t mean anything by it. I promise, I swear. I swear on my mom, Steve. I would never—“ He takes a deep, gasping breath. Coughing on the inhale. His hands shake, now. And he doesn’t think he’s ever seen fear paint itself so clear and bright on a person’s face, but he’s looking into it. Steve’s pallor and yet still red cheeks. And his all consuming, though far away eyes. His built body, yet childlike hold.
A part of Eddie wants to cry, too. I’ve fucked up, he panics internally, I’ve fucked everything up and now he’s not going to be my friend and he was such a good friend, too. Why did I have to do that? I just wanted to make sure he was fed, too. That’s it. He’s such a good friend and now I’ve fucked it and I just—I—
“You wanted to make me food?” Steve quietly croaks.
Eddie, in an instant, nods. “Yes!” He exclaims in his own panic. “Yes, I swear, Steve. I wasn’t thinking when I touched your thigh. And I—What do you want to eat, Stevie? Say the word, I’ll find a way to make it or…something.”
His hands twitch in his lap once more. Thumbs catching on the ripped holes of his jeans. The threads soft and wearing away under his skin. The scratchy, dry bit of skin that peers through. He doesn’t blink. Doesn’t think he breathes. Just makes eye contact with Steve. Which, surely, is overbearing and unnecessary and…I’m probably freaking him out more, calm down. He takes a deep breath, blows it away from him, and lowers his shoulders from where he didn’t know they were hiking.
“It was nothing more than to check-in. I promise,” he reiterates, murmuring.
Steve, finally, draws away from himself. With his own breath. He unravels his legs, stretching them out to their full length onto the middle cushion. Arms going limp at his sides. Hands resting against his thighs. His eyes dart—left and right and left and right—between Eddie’s. Nods once. “Okay,” he meekly musters. “Okay, Eds. Can…We can order pizza. There should be a menu on the kitchen counter. I’ll—“
Eddie stands from his own cushion before Steve gets the chance to. “Nope, don’t worry about it. Just try and relax, yeah? I’ll go put in an order, pay for it. You…Pepperoni pizza?” Steve just nods, tentative and surprised. “Cool,” Eddie states, “I’ll be right back.”
The phone call goes by quick and he easily sets the money out for when the driver gets there. But he’s not entirely sure his presence is going to be a warm welcome in the living room again. He gets a glass of water anyway because, surely, Steve will tell him to go if he isn’t wanted.
Steve’s in the same position as when Eddie left. Though, his gaze isn’t entirely there. Somewhere beyond Eddie’s shoulder. But there’s a gleam, a little shine that tells him that Steve isn’t gone from himself, not yet at least. He sits back down in his own cushion. Glass on the coffee table. And turns, keeping himself tight to his own body.
“Hey, Steve?” He calls out, watching as Steve blinks sluggishly back into his body. “I—uh—I got you some water, if you want it. Drinking water usually helps me feel better after…After a down moment, y’know?”
Next to him, Steve hums. He sighs. “Can I trust you with something?” He asks, forgoing the water entirely.
Eddie nods in haste. “Of course, Steve. If you have something you have to tell me, I can keep things to myself,” he states. Which is one hundred percent true. He may be a loud guy, screaming and yelling when need be. May be somebody that fills a room with noise, if only so he doesn’t succumb to the silence. But he knows how to keep a secret. It’s sort of a survival tactic, is what he’d say if somebody asked him about it. He’s kept secrets about his parents, things behind lock and key in his ribcage. Granted, he may forget, but he won’t say a damn thing. And he surely won’t spill Steve’s beans, especially with the way he looks to him in open earnest.
“Okay,” Steve responds. His legs fall away from the couch and he rights himself into being completely upright. Ramrod straight. On the far right cushion. Mirroring Eddie’s tight pose. Feet flat to the floor. His eyes trace something on the coffee table, cracks probably, but Eddie can’t exactly tell. “Okay. I…You’re going to be the second person I’ve ever told this to, alright? And I—I figured that it would come out sooner or later, but you’re gonna need an explanation for whatever the fuck just happened. And I don’t know how else to talk about it without just going all-in. So…I just need you to listen. Can you do that?”
“Yeah,” Eddie murmurs, “you have the floor, Stevie. My mouth is shut.”
Steve nods slow, a ghost of a smile on his face. Breathes in through his nose, it traps in his chest and comes out as one gentle gust. He swallows heavily, words seemingly rising in his throat. And that smile falls away just as it sprung.
“In middle school, before I was popular and whatever, I had a group of friends that I ran with. We were all nerds, I won’t deny that. And—And I would involve myself with some of their interests, if only because I wanted to fit in,” Steve explains first. His eyes roam again. Not picking a spot, but Eddie won’t fault him for it. He continues, voice fracturing, “One of the guys I was closer to, we’ll call him R, he was interested in this club. It was kind of like a tech club? Focused on radios and channels and math and…Things that I was actually kind of good with, but needed a better understanding on. So, I figured, I’d sign up for this club. Go with my…friend.”
Before he goes on to say more, he leans over for the glass of water on the table. Holds it gently between his hands. Doesn’t take any sips. The condensation droplets roll down his fingers. Cold most likely keeping him grounded to the room.
Eddie can already tell he’s not going to like wherever this part of Steve’s past leads him. How Steve has to take breaks, it upsets Eddie greatly. He’s not sure he’s entirely prepared for whatever confession comes from Steve this time, but he’ll digest it. Get through this with the guy and figure out all he needs to.
Another steadying breath. And Steve’s voice is like gravel, but he keeps talking.
“It was a weekly thing. And we’d go in. Be taught about gadgets and whats-its and whatnot. R was there, though. He was always there. We’d talk, laugh, shoot the shit. Normal friend bullshit.
“One day, though. One day, something was…different. He looked at me. There was a sense of hunger. Want. A drive to him that I’d never seen before. He’d lean more into my space, drop his voice lower, whisper right into my ear.” Steve blinks in rapid succession. His breath keeps stuttering. And something in Eddie’s stomach sours. He goes, though. Pushing through. “I told him to stop. To knock it off. Kept telling him that I was trying to learn. That I wanted to focus. And he just…He wouldn’t,” he explains.
Eddie spikes with great unease and anger. Never at Steve. But whoever this so called ‘friend’ is, Eddie wants to maybe kill him. He keeps quiet, though. Steve wanted to share and he needs this out. And Eddie can listen. He can, even if it makes him want to cry, too.
“I thought that’s all it would be,” Steve speaks quietly, “Just him talking to me in this new tone. With this new level to his voice. But…I’m kind of stupid, I guess, so of course that’s not all he’d do. The next week at our club meeting, he got closer than before. He began to…” Steve stops and swallows. A single, silent tear crawls down his face. It doesn’t even phase him, the way crying usually does. It’s just background at this point. “…He began to—to touch me in ways I’d never been. And I—I told him to stop, I remember doing that. I remember putting distance between us. And saying no and saying stop and shoving his hands off me. But he just—“ A broken little sob. “—He was supposed to be my friend,” he states, small as a child.
The sobs rack Steve in such a way that his whole body is jolting with it. Nearly toppling off the couch. He chugs the water between cries, but doesn’t move from his spot. Tight and closed off within his own body.
“I wanted him to just be my friend,” Steve continues a moment later, nasally and choked. “But he didn’t want that. He kept overpowering every single decision I made. His breath on my earlobe. And his hands on my thigh, on my…He fucking touched my crotch. Tried to coerce me into having sex,” he spits. “That guy…He made me feel fucking disgusting. About my own body. About things I loved. About sex,” Steve growls, “Made me sort of dislike all those things, too.”
Eddie, for how loud he can be, is completely silent for once. Unable to form words. Not sure how to comfort. And if he could comfort, isn’t sure if that’s something he can do the way he wants to. He can’t touch. Can’t do what he’d normally do. And his body aches to take care of Steve or to simply hold him. To be…well, to be a friend. But that’s not something Steve can exactly trust.
He feels sick to his stomach.
The last bit of water is sipped at slowly, as Steve comes down. Then, he turns to face Eddie. Making direct and purposeful eye contact. “It’s not your fault, that I reacted like I did,” he states lowly. “And it’s not your fault that I close up when you want to talk about sex. Or you wanna talk about all that intimate shit. It’s something with me. Like something’s broken. It’s like a deep crack in me, Eddie.
“And I just wanted to clear up all that. Explain what I can, I guess.” He snakes out a tentative hand. It’s shaking and hesitant, but it still lands softly on the back of Eddie’s right. Squeezes. “But thank you for taking notice. And being concerned. And for apologizing. I feel safe with you, Eddie. I trust you a lot. Which is like—That’s probably highest honors you could earn with me.” And he chuckles slightly. It’s not a humorous thing, but it’s not exactly humorless either.
Eddie lets himself soak in this, though. Smiling warmly back at Steve. Because he needs it. They both need it. He murmurs, “Thank you for trusting me with that, Steve. That wasn’t easy and I’m proud of you for speaking up about it. I’m glad to be somebody you can trust.”
With another exhale, Steve relaxes back into the couch. His hand doesn’t move from Eddie’s. “I also want to say that you’re allowed to talk about your relationships with dudes,” he states quietly. “Seriously, I don’t mind. But just…Just check in with me? Before you do?”
“Of course,” he agrees instantly. “I’ll keep that in my noggin, promise, Stevie.”
Ghost of a smile on Steve’s face again. “Thanks,” he whispers.
A lull floats in the conversation. Steve removes his hand, watching as his fingers twitch, and there’s a little uptick to the corners of his mouth. Something pleased and almost…reverent at the way he looks at his hand.
Before Eddie can get up to change out the movie, he heaves a little sigh. And says, “Y’know, if you ever need any sort of physical comfort, need to talk about this, or you just need somebody to tell you that you’re okay, you can lean on me. Don’t even need to ask, really. I’m all arms.”
“I’ll think about it, Eds. This has been enough for me."
———
Steve comes out to him at the same diner Eddie did only a few years later.
It’s 1990, Eddie’s twenty-four and Steve’s freshly twenty-three. He has a certain spark to him. A sparkle to his smile and a pep in his step. And Eddie’s happy to see him happy.
Happy to eventually call their relationship romantic. Happy to share spots on the couch, curled around each other. Happy to kiss him slow and sweet or not at all, just able to gaze over coffee mugs and across the room and when Steve thinks he can’t be seen.
Eddie’s just happy to be allowed this love that fills his chest and in the colder, vacant spots of their lives.
But he realizes he still hasn’t heard everything about Steve. He gives it time, though. Because the second most important thing to Steve—first just being there for him—is patience.
The next of their chats happens when things get heated on the couch.
Soft kisses turn hungry, carnivorous. Hands wander over heated skin. Steve’s fingers against the hem of Eddie’s t-shirt. But his hands shake. And Eddie places his own hands off to the sides of the couch, pulling himself away before things can get any farther than they already are.
“Hey,” he softly speaks, “Steve, we don’t—I’m okay with just kissing right now. We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”
Steve stops next to him. Tensing up only slightly. “Are you—You’re sure about that?” His voice is so tiny, so unlike him. And though Eddie’s heard this tone before, it still breaks him.
He says easily, “I don’t want you to be scared of our first time, baby. It’s okay if we need to take things slow.”
He watches as Steve heavily swallows. “And if I asked if we never had sex?”
Eddie eyes him for a moment. Not wearily. With something like subtle pride. “Is that what you want?” He asks in turn. “Would that make you more comfortable?”
Subtly, Steve nods. “I—“ He sighs sadly. “I’ve been thinking about how to talk to you about it. With girls, I never even liked it. I just did it because it…There was something to say about a guy who could have sex with anybody he wants. But I also…I don’t know.” He shrugs as if trying to dismiss it, but Eddie doesn’t like that.
He sets a hesitant, soft hand on Steve’s shoulder. Squeezes when he doesn’t move away. “If you never want to have sex again, I’d be okay with that. I’d be more than okay with that,” he states assuringly. “You being happy and comfortable is what matters most to me. Not sex. I don’t give a shit about sex, not when I get to see you every day, smile on your face, and your eyes shiny and beautiful.”
Steve gives another small sigh, but the smile he has doesn’t waver. “Okay. I—Eddie, I don’t think I want to have sex,” he admits quietly. It shakes from his throat, but it’s still confident the way it lands between them. “It just doesn’t feel good to me. And I—I don’t want to force myself to do it. And it wouldn’t be fair to you, either.”
Another affirmative squeeze to Steve’s shoulder. “Alright, baby. Then we don’t have sex,” he agrees softly. “And if you ever change your mind—not that I’m forcing you to—then I’m okay with what you want.” He scoots himself closer so that their bodies are one single line, warm against each other. Reiterating, “Your happiness and comfort matter the most to me.”
With both of his hands, Steve wraps Eddie’s free one. Traces the veins on the back of his hand. Toys with his fingers. “We can still kiss, though,” he states quietly. “Maybe I want a kiss.”
“Yeah, baby?”
“Mhm,” Steve hums. So, he closes the gap. A wet peck to Eddie’s lips. Soft and venturing. One that last only a few seconds. He draws back with the softest smile adorned on his features. Murmurs, “Thank you for hearing me out on this. And for understanding. And for accepting this.”
“I love you, Steve. Just for you. Not the sex or touch. We could never do anything except sit next to each other and talk, and I’d still love you,” Eddie swears.
Steve sniffs something wet. Shoves himself a little closer, cuddling into Eddie’s chest. To which Eddie wraps his arms around his back in response. And he sighs, but it’s a sound of long awaited relief. “I love you, too, Eddie. God, I love you.”
The conversations are tough and they are stomach turning, but after it all, Eddie gets to have Steve. How he is. How he wants to be. And that’s all Eddie could hope for.
He kisses the top of Steve’s head and relaxes back into the couch. “I’m proud of you, Steve,” he murmurs, “Thank you for trusting me.”
“Thank you for being patient. Being here.”
Eddie squeezes them together even tighter. Warm in his chest at the content noise that draws itself from Steve. This could be all that they do forever and Eddie would never ask for more.
🩵—————🩵
#stranger things#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#angst and hurt/comfort#cw referenced rape/non-con#read the content warnings#asexual steve harrington
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ohhh the post about eddie masturbating in the bathroom was AMAZING AHHH!!
could i request something where nancy, robin, jonathan, eddie & reader are having a sleepover at steve’s & when everyone’s asleep eddie & reader get all handsy, so she jerks him & then rides him, trying to be quiet because they’re still in the same room as the others (robin sleeps with steve in his bed & jonathan, nancy & the two of you on the ground on mattresses) but at some point they move it to the bathroom just a few doors down.
in the end, steve gets woken up & catches them in the bathroom because they accidentally left the door open but they don’t notice so steve just goes back to bed traumatized for life💀😩
sorry it’s a bit long i just LOVE your writing!!
because i won't be able to get the next part of price of fame up this week, here is some spooky slut action to tithe <3
ALSO, im so sorry it took me forever to write this BUT THANK U STINK, i changed a few things around, i hope u don't mind, but here u gooo!
18+ — MINORS DNI
————
It’s wrong.
What you and Eddie are doing is so wrong.
It's gross and something you would probably scrunch your nose at and fake a gag if anyone ever told you they did it. But fuck, you’d be lying if you said it isn’t turning you on to no end— Eddie’s fingers working you towards your first orgasm as your nails dig into his thighs to keep you grounded as you try to remain quiet for your sleeping friends.
The older half of the gang decided to pull a spooky night at Steve’s place, ‘This is strictly rated-R, shitheads.’ Steve explained when the younger half tried to join in. You’d all settled into Steve’s comfy basement after a long week and ran through A Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Carrie, and endless junk food and beers before everyone slowly began to tap out.
Jonathan was the first to fall asleep, and once Nancy noticed, she went ahead and moved them to the bigger couch, where she inevitably dozed off as well. Robin was next, claiming she could feel her arteries clogging up with the amount of sugar you’d all ingested and, ‘If I die, it better be in my sleep, not watching shitty horrors with you three idiots.”
And then it was just you, Eddie, and Steve.
One thing about Eddie is when the lights go down in a room, and he’s next to you, hands will roam. Fingers will grab and squeeze at skin, caress and provoke goosebumps across your arms, and eventually sneak into sensitive areas— and it doesn’t matter who else is in the room.
You already knew where things were going when you felt Eddie’s cool rings press into the warm skin of your thigh. You had just begun the fourth movie of the night, Ghostbusters, because you claimed you needed a break from the horror movies, and Eddie couldn’t wait any longer to get his hands on you. Luckily, Eddie’s wandering hands are hidden beneath the blanket you share, so Steve is clueless about the sinful actions happening across the room.
And you were able to hold off your moans and whimpers for the most part, but Eddie was getting mean with it. Two fingers dipping in and out of your wet cunt at a painfully slow and agonizing pace that had your legs quivering. He occasionally curves his fingers up to brush up against your spot, teeth digging into his lip to hide the groan of pain when your nails dig deeper into his skin— he’s sure you’ll leave a mark. And you were doing good.
You were doing so good.
Until Eddie added a third finger, leaning down to whisper in your ear, “Fuck sweetheart, you get any wetter than this, and I might have to fuck you now,” with an added swirl of his thumb over your clit, and you were done for.
You moan unexpectedly loud and pathetic, and anybody with common sense would know what the two of you are doing. The sweaty palm of your hand slaps over your mouth as your eyes widen in surprise, gaze snapping over to where Steve is laid back in the La-Z-Boy recliner, and from this angle, with Steve’s chair turned towards the TV, you can only see his full head of fluffy brown hair.
You don’t want to risk it, you think. So, you curl your fingers around Eddie’s wrist and pathetically tug, “Steve,” You whisper, alerting Eddie that maybe this isn’t a good idea.
But Eddie only nuzzles his face into your neck and quickens the pace of his fingers, reveling in the soft gasp you let out as he whispers in your ear, “He’s asleep.”
You look to where Steve is sitting again, wearily searching for any signs that he might still be awake, but to your favor, you find none— and maybe you ignored the small moment where Steve shifted, but between the overwhelming feeling of Eddie’s breath on your neck and the toe-curling sensations he’s bringing between your thighs, you can’t seem to care anymore.
“I’m close,” you rush through a whispered breath, hips tilting up to meet his skilled actions. “Yeah?” He nips at your ear, and you whimper, eyes shutting. “You gonna cum on my fingers? In front of our friends, honey? You’re dirtier than I thought,” He teasingly growls the last part, licking behind your ear before sucking the tip between his lips. You pant his name, this time loud enough to cause Eddie’s hand to slap over your mouth.
“As badly as I wanna hear those pretty moans of yours, sweetheart, you need to be a little more quiet,” He whispers. You nod as best as you can, drool smearing over Eddie’s palm as you roll your hips against his palm as quietly as you can.
“Come on, baby,” Eddie encourages, calloused fingers digging into your cheeks, “Want you to cum all over my fingers like the desperate little slut you are.”
Your legs quiver at that, eyes rolling back as you begin to teeter over the edge. “Gonna take you upstairs after this so I can fuck you real good. Split you open nice and wide on my cock; you want that?” He hums, slinking his hand down to squeeze at your jaw and turn your head to where his lips catch yours as he speaks. You nod desperately and pathetically, and Eddie smiles, licking across your lips once before your eyes squeeze shut, and the dam finally breaks.
Eddie presses his lips against yours to silence your noises, which go unheard with the help of the movie playing. Eddie can feel you squeezing and pulsing around his fingers, and his cock jumps at the thought of what’s to come after he drags you out of this fucking basement.
Eddie kisses you throughout your climax, fingers gently guiding you through the hurricane of pleasure until you push him away with a whisper, “S’too much.”
Eddie lets you have it, removing his fingers from you with a lewd squelch that reaches his ears, pulling his hand out to hold it up in front of you. His fingers glisten under the TV light with your slick coating his knuckles, some dripping down onto his rings. You watch with lust-hooded eyes as he brings the soaked digits to his lips, making a show of licking up the length of them and swallowing every drop. Your cunt throbs, and you shift as his eyes meet yours.
And you don’t have to say anything because you already know, and before you know it, you’re dragging Eddie up the basement stairs with a racing heart and an aching center.
But what neither of you knows is Steve has been awake the entire time.
#HIIIII#IM ALIVE#FEELING SPOOKY AND SLUTTY#eddie munson x reader#drabble#eddie munson#eddie x reader#stranger things fanfic#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson blurb#eddie munson smut#eddie munson fluff#eddie x you
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Your jealous fic was so great !!! Can you please write another but with Gavi as the jealous one ?
You hated when you and Pablo fought. It always made the rest of your day shitty as hell!
This morning he was in a sour mood and you thought it was because his knee was hurting but it was about you going out with your girls last night.
"I waited for you...when did you come back?" he asked in the morning.
"I came before midnight, Pablo. Medications always make you sleepy before that" you tried to explain but he wasn't believing you acting like an annoying child.
"And it was just you girls huh?" he asked and you knew where this was going. Pablo was a jealous guy!
"Yes, Pablo. It surely wasn't strippers all around us, por favor!" you say but he really took that seriously getting even more agitated.
"Mi amor, it was a joke. It was just us a girls having dinner together, te lo juro" you say touching his face but he was in no mood for it pulling away and you sigh.
"How could you just leave me here alone!?" he said and you sighed. It was your best friend's birthday and Pablo is the one who pushed you to go only to make you guilty about it now.
"You said I should go because it's her birthday! What's the matter now!?" you said and he just rolled his eyes going back to sleep as you got ready for uni.
"Pablo's just frustrated with injury and not being able to walk without crutches yet ..." your friend told you as you talked about it on your way to class.
"I know and I try to help him every day with it, but sometimes I just want to strangle him!" you were frustrated as well choosing to take a break from him until you get home. Your phone was on in case of an emergency but you weren't answering his attempts to apologize by sweet talking you.
pablito: I hope my girl has the best school day 💗
pablito: have you eaten yet nena?
pablito: i know i made you mad, but i'm waiting for you at home to cuddle
You had to admit that by the end of the school day, you were no longer angry and blushed every time you read his messages.
"You two are living a crazy love story!" your friend told you as you departed when school ended.
You came home looking for Pablo only to find him in your shared bedroom on your side of the bed cuddling to your pillow. How can you be angry at someone so adorable!?
"Pablo..." you said and he jumped looking at you with a big smile. You took of our coat and sat besides him as he pulled you down to kiss him warm lips.
"Nena, you're so cold! Come here and cuddle me" he said and you blushed nodding your head and laying down and he laid on your chest kissing all over your neck.
"I missed you...a lot" he said and you sighed playing with his hair and nodding your head.
"Are we gonna talk about what happened last night Pablito?" you ask and he kept quiet. Always the same things, he hated being the one wrong.
"Were you un poco celoso my though footballer?" you tease knowing he will defiantly react.
"No celos! Just worried!" he said and you chuckled nodding your head knowing there is no way he admits it.
"Bueno, but in case you were I want you to know that I was showing our pictures together all night...and I don't want anybody else...because you my though footballer are driving me loca" you say and he blushed nodding his head already feeling a bit sleepy as he nuzzled his face into your warmed up neck.
"Say it again nena" he said and you raised your eyebrows
"Hm..call me your though footballer again and see what happens" he smirks and you slap his shoulder reminding him of his injury before you both laughed and continued to cuddle the rest of the night.
#gavigif#gavi#fc barça#fc barca#fc barcelona#pablo gavi x you#pablo gavi x y/n#pablo gavi x reader#pablo gavi icons#pablo gavi
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Buddie Hiatus Fic Rec - Month 7Nov 16 - Dec 15
0-5k
share this hour of make-believe by fleetinghearts / @shitouttabuck
Gen | 1.2k
quarantine finds eddie sharing a bed with a pillow-thief and sleep-talker. he minds less than he thinks.
In my defence I was left unsupervised by Spotsandsocks / @spotsandsocks
Mature | 1.3k
Buck gets bored and decides on a new look, he may have doubts about the end result but Eddie’s having thoughts, interesting thoughts.
moth to a flame by brewrosemilk / @gayhoediaz
Teen | 1.7k
Eddie’s kiss is so gentle that Buck aches.
coax the cold right out of me by oklahoma / @sunshinediaz
Teen | 2.6k
“You know,” Eddie begins, running his fingers through Buck’s damp, frizzy curls, “when I booked this cabin for the weekend, I had plans for us to fuck real nasty by the fire.”
I’ll be anybody but me by justhockey
Not rated | 3.4k
Just one single moment, and his house of cards almost came tumbling down. Buck shouldn’t be surprised though, he’s never been much of a magician; no matter how hard he tries, he’s never been able to make himself disappear.
The spaces in between by sparkles_stars
Teen | 4.4k
Buck and Eddie get curiously domestic, pine a little, and ultimately - with sweetness and light - get together.
5k-10k
in the rough draft, [s]he loved you by iinryer / @iinryerGeneral audiences | 5.3k
during the flight home to LA, eddie tries to write down some things he wants to say to buck
reachin for me (makin love to someone else) by inbetweenthestacks / @organizedstardustExplicit | 8.3k
Buck says Eddie’s name while having sex with Natalia.
I wanna spend my forever like that by wikiangela / @wikiangelaGeneral Audience | 8.6k
Eddie catches a cold and stubbornly denies he's sick, while a fondly exasperated Buck is trying to take care of him.
Friends Don't by chronicallystendan
Teen | 8.7k
Eddie and Buck have always been closer than most best friends and it's never bothered them, but lately they've been starting to wonder if there might be more than just friendship between them.
10k-20k
Claxons and Silver Bells by catwalksalone
Teen | 10.5k
Eddie dies. Only someone, somewhere is willing to give him a second chance. All he has to do is figure out where he went wrong the first time around.
Don't Listen When I Scream by devirnis / @devirnis
Mature | 10.9k
The man shoves Buck into the chair. Picking a hunting knife up from the tray, he points it at Eddie. “If you fight back or try to escape, I will slit his throat before you can even blink. Understand?”
Why Not Take All of Me? by Daisies_and_Briars / @cal-daisies-and-briars
Mature | 13.2k
When a small disaster strikes the morning of Maddie and Chimney's wedding, Buck, Hen, and Chim find themselves unwittingly caught up in an emergency across town, while Maddie and Eddie get stuck in an elevator.
it hurts to hope for more by 42hrb
Mature | 15.6k
Buck wants to be a dad, it takes a couple break-ups and a major non-romantic heartbreak for him to figure out that maybe he already is.
30k +
you still make sense to me by farfromthstars / @buckactuallys
Mature | 31.1k
eddie is ready for a new relationship – but why does it never feel right? buck has a lot to work through, and doing that comes with a few realizations.
and here, too, am i by Daisies_and_Briars / @cal-daisies-and-briars
Teen | 41.1k
Six months into their marriage, Eddie is still struggling to decide whether or not he wants more kids, when he knows Buck does. The universe may not scream, but it certainly talks.
Both Blade and Branch by Daisies_and_Briars / @cal-daisies-and-briars
Mature | 62.8k
The chances of being struck by lightning twice are incredibly minute, but Buck still manages to pull it off. During a double date with Marisol and Natalia, nonetheless. Eddie manages to resuscitate him, but as Buck recovers from yet another trauma, Eddie can’t help but notice there’s something very different about him. He’s not quite sure what version of Buck he got back.
Month 1 (May 15 - June 15)
Month 2 (June 16 - July 15)
Month 3 (July 16 - August 15)
Month 4 (August 16 - September 15)
Month 5 (September 16 - October 15)
Month 6 (October 16 - November 15)
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Lean on me
Pairing: Twin Brother!Nick Nelson x Twin sister!Reader
Type: Request (thank you so much!!)
Genre: Angst that ends with a lot of fluff
Warnings: Sexual Assault situation. Although the details aren't of extreme nature, it can still be a hard thing to read for some people, so be careful <33
Rating: 13+ (because of SA)
Word count: ~ 4600
Requests: Open! For Heartstopper, twilight wolfpack, chronicles of narnia and harry potter
A/n: I was really inspired for this fic and it took me quite some time to write it. I hope you will enjoy protective brother nick nelson and the fluff with the Paris gang as much as I do. If you have any requests feel free to message me !!
A/n pt.2: Please don't come for me for my summary, I fucking hate writing those xoxo
*gif is not mine!!
Summary: The reader goes to a party without her twin brother, Nick. Through different circonstances, she ends up dancing with someone who might have not rightfully earned her trust. The situation quickly escalates to horrible heights. She will have no other choice, but to learn how to defend herself, and how to lean on the people who matters for her.
Your heart is racing, your eyes are burning, and silent tears stream down your face. You rest on the threshold of the door you've just exited from. You can't grasp and even begin to process what just happened. You look up, hearing your name being called from afar. It feels like you're in a different dimension. Everywhere you look, reality seems distorted by some filter. Finally, you focus on your mother's face. She's sitting in her little car, window down, waving at you. Automatically, your body starts walking toward the car, but mentally you are elsewhere. In a dark corridor up in this horrible mansion. Trapped.
_
Your heart beats in a thumping rhythm as you cross the threshold of the mansion. Music is blasting out at an alarmingly loud volume with the place already packed.
You try to calm your breathing and to remember you were invited and belong here as much as anybody else. The few people you cross paths with wave at you. You smile back, trying to look confident and relaxed. The image of collected cool.
Even though there's actually a weight dropping in your stomach.
You are, after all, Nick Nelson's twin sister. He has a certain 'popular kid' reputation that was mostly passed on to you by association. You are both known for being nice and popular kids. Although you definitely are more lowkey than your 'rugby king' brother. So, even if you aren't sure these people are your crowd, you couldn't refuse when you had been invited to some guy's end-of-exams party.
It wasn't rare for you to be invited to events like this. Although, it was one of the few times your brother didn't join you. Ever since he started dating Charlie and got closer with the Paris gang, you could see less and less of him at these kinds of gatherings. That's why tonight, instead of being here with you, drinking lukewarm punch and listening to questionable music as some alcoholized teens were being unleashed in a mansion worth ten times your house, he was hanging out at home with his friends. You would much rather be with them, but they were Nick's friends, and even though they were nice to you, you always felt like the annoying sister trying to tag along in her brother's friend group.
That's why even when 95% of you wanted to turn back around and escape that terrible party, you took a deep breath in and let yourself be swallowed by the crowd of people.
10:15pm. You had been here for an hour, and it did not get better. The cup of punch in your hands was sticky and smelled incredibly weird. No doubt because someone had dumped in a bunch of mixed liquors. Your friends were all hanging around. Either dancing or flirting with some questionable-behaving young men. You couldn't help but look at your phone about a thousand times in the last twenty minutes. You thought about calling your mother. You knew she'd come to fetch you, but then what? You'd go back home? Seeing Nick and all of his friends having a jolly old time while you had failed to have a good night on your own? No, thank you.
You loved Nick to death, but sometimes, seeing how liked he was proved to be incredibly difficult for you. You always felt like an impostor. He dared to be himself, and people liked him anyway. You weren't so sure you'd be met with the same welcome if you dared step away from the facade you had carefully built all these years.
Maybe that's why you accepted to dance with someone you didn't even know. You did see each other around a few times but never actually spoke. He seemed nice enough, so when he reached out a hand and offered you to dance, you drank a sip of your horrible drink and joined him on the crowded dancefloor without question.
He was entertaining and invented goofy dance moves to make you laugh, but all the while, something felt off. You felt like you were being watched. Sometimes, you'd see his gaze over you as if he was looking at someone else. Each time you'd try to look in that direction to see who he might be looking at, he'd find some clever way to focus your attention elsewhere. After a few songs, you were both out of breath, sweaty, and hoping for a break. You were about to invent a creative excuse to get away when he offered to get some water. You hesitated, trying to look around for a friend, but none were in sight.
"Come on, we'll get some water and air if you want to. I know a spot." His expression was kind and seemed genuine. That's why, again, you followed him even though some small part of you screamed that you shouldn't.
The feeling in your gut turned queasy as he led you through dark corridors. The once kind smile that graced his features seemed to turn smug as you headed deeper into the house. You finally reached a little room far away from the agitated crowd. He opened the door, inviting you inside. "Are you coming?"
Your feet were rooted to the ground, the feeling in your stomach spreading to your entire body. This felt wrong.
"Uhm, no. I think my mom will be here soon. I should go." You took a step backward, trying to put some distance between the two of you. Trying to calm the instinct that screamed at you to run.
"Oh, come on. Don't you want a glass of water?"
You only stared at him, not daring to respond, too scared to fall into this trap he layed in front of you. You knew water would not be involved if you entered that room, and he seemed to get that too, "We had fun, didn't we?" the change in his tone made shivers creep up your arms. Gone was his facade of the innocent boy. He now looked like a snake trying to lure in his prey.
"Yeah, but now it's time for me to go. Thanks."
He stepped towards you, making you fully back into the wall. "Please stay. It's my party, you know. The least you could do is stay a little longer with me."
You looked around, noticing his arms had crept on the wall on either side of you.
"Please get your arms off," you demanded. You tried to make your voice sound assured but failed to hide the quiver in it. He noticed it, and the glim of rotten confidence in his eyes shone brighter. He had you exactly where he wanted you.
He trailed one finger up your arm, your stomach tying in knots at the touch. "You know, I've seen you around a lot. You're Nick Nelson's sister. People talk about you. They say you're stuck up. You've never had a boyfriend or anything, am I right? I like girls like that, so nice, so pure."
You almost threw up on him, the allusions making you feel nauseous. You couldn't, and wouldn't, hide the disgust filling your eyes. You looked around, hoping to see someone turn up. Praying for someone to come, but it seemed you were out of luck as the corridor stayed empty.
His hand went up in your hair, and you held your breath. Terror like you had never felt before paralyzed your body. "The guys bet you wouldn't get with me, but I think we have potential together. Am I right? We could head in that little room together and see what happens."
You felt the hand on your waist slowly slide down your hip, tugging you closer.
"Get off of me!" you exploded as you pushed him back as hard as you could. He hit the door behind him quite hard, the doorknob digging in his back. You made a headstart to get away, but before you could get further, his hand grabbed your wrist, tightening his grip until he had you wincing in pain.
He gritted his teeth, ambers of rage dancing in his eyes. "Oh, come on, don't be like this. Stay here with me, and we'll have fun." He pulled you backward by the collar of your shirt, and you heard the fabric rip with a distinct sound. He pressed you tight on his chest. You could feel every part of him pushing hard against your back. He gripped your hips while his other hand fumbled with your chest. His foul mouth on your neck.
Refusing to give up, you gathered all the self-defense knowledge you had and stepped on his foot as hard as you could, hitting him with your elbow in the stomach at the same time. You put all your strength in the blow as if you were trying to pierce him through. You knew you cut the air from his body with the sound he made. His arms loosened up for a second, and this time, when you started running in the opposite direction, nothing stopped you.
Running as fast as you could, you looked back for a second. Unable to resist the reflex to confirm you weren't being followed. Whipping your head to the front, you couldn't dodge when someone suddenly exited a door on the side. You crushed into them with blunt strength, almost sending you two toppling down.
"Oi! Watch where you're going- Oh, Y/n. Are you okay?"
The voice sounded incredibly familiar, and your gaze focused for a second. Sai, one of Nick's good mates, was staring at you, worry digging down the corners of his mouth.
"Uhm, I- I'm sorry. I have to go." You couldn't stop and risk getting caught again, so you started running, leaving Sai looking at your disappearing form.
You fled outside, already texting your mother. You hid until you saw the familiar form of the family car. Sprinting towards it, you climbed in as fast as you could.
"Well, someone's in a hurry to come home." chuckled your mother as she headed towards the exit. "The party wasn't fun?"
Forehead resting on the cold window, you couldn't say a word. If you were honest, you could barely register what your mother said. All you could feel was his hands on you. His lips on your neck. The phantom sensations gave you the horrible feeling that he was still grabbing you. That you were still trapped up there.
Your mother's touch on your arm brought you back to reality. "Are you okay, darling?" Even the soft touch on your arm was enough to make you shudder. "Y/n, did something happen?"
Your gaze connected with hers for a split second, but you willed the fear in your eyes to disappear. To go back to a dissociated gaze. Allowing nothing to show.
"I don't want to talk about it now," you mumbled while covering the tear in your shirt with your hoodie. You needed to comprehend what had happened before you could say something. Even if you wanted to, the words were stuck in your throat.
Your mother stayed silent for the rest of the ride, although you could feel her gaze on you a few times. You felt like she'd say something until she faced the road again without adding a word.
When you finally pulled into the driveway, you made for the door. You wanted nothing else but to disappear into your room. Your escape was halted when your mom grabbed your wrist, stopping you in your tracks. You winced at the pain it inflicted and the reminder it brought. The look in your eyes was one of undiluted terror.
Her face turned white as a ghost's. "Y/n, I will give you your space for now, but I want you to know and understand that we will discuss this."
Your house was filled with music and happy voices. You could hear through cotton-filled ears someone call your name but didn't stop. When you slipped into your room, you stood in the dark and looked at your wrist. The red mark on it was already turning to a soft purple. A whimper escaped your mouth as you sunk to the floor.
You cried and cried and cried. The adrenaline had left your body, and the walls you had built around you to survive had been torn down. With a hand on your mouth, you tried to maintain your sobs to a minimum volume.
What the actual fuck was all you could manage to think.
Catching a glance of yourself in the mirror hanging on your wall, a wave of disgust ravaged you. In the darkness, like glow-in-the-dark marks, you could see the print of his hands on you, the sloppy marks he left on your neck. You felt disgusting. You needed to wash this off now.
You headed for the bathroom, trying not to attract anyone's attention. You were about to grab the doorknob when the door opened on a surprised Tara.
"Oh my god, Y/n, you scared me! I didn't know you were here," she exclaimed with her usual cheerfulness.
You stayed silent, feeling like you had been caught red-handed. Shame crept on your cheeks.
In a second, she analyzed the state you were in. The tear on the collar of your shirt. Your puffy eyes, your red cheeks. "What happened to you? What happened to your shirt? Are you okay?"
Her sweet concern was all it took for you to tumble into tears again. She helped you back to your room, supporting and hugging you tight. You babbled incoherently about what had happened. You just needed these horrible words to be out of your system. You needed this unbearable reality out of your head, needed the constant litany of words to stop.
Tara listened to your whole story and managed to understand through your sobs. As you finished, out of breath, she convinced you to let her get Nick. You dreaded it at first, so scared to see his reaction, but the once-in-a-while seriousness in Tara's tone managed to persuade you.
You heard her going down the stairs and waited in silence. You held your breath. The house was utterly silent as if it was also holding its breath. Then, it erupted, and all you could hear was someone climbing up the stairs at an alarming pace. Your door opened on a whim, almost digging a hole in your wall with how strongly it went flying back.
Your twin brother was standing on your doorstep, his chest going up and down quickly. He didn't say anything. He just scanned you from head to toe before reaching out his arms. Engulfing you in a tight embrace, he rocked you back and forth.
"Tell me," was all he said, his tone hoarse and hard.
"I was anxious and bored, and this guy asked me to dance. We did, and then he offered to get some water and air. I followed him but felt this grip in my gut. Felt like something was off. He led me to a dark room. I refused to go in and said I had to go, but then he backed me into this wall. Saying stuff about what other people thought about me and about some bet he'd made with his friends. I- I tried escaping Nick, I really did, I promise. I kept my distance, I told him to go away, but he wouldn't. I pushed him and tried to make a run for it, but he grabbed my wrist and started touching me. I managed to defend myself and get away. I ran into someone. I think it was Sai. I stopped for a second but couldn't tell him anything, so I ran again and hid until Mum came to pick me up."
The silence in your room was deafening. His whole being was at a standstill. Nick wasn't known to be a violent person. Quite the opposite, but you felt like that was about to change.
"Show me where he hurt you."
You extended your wrist, the mark gone even darker than before.
"Anywhere else?" he reluctantly asked.
You couldn't, and wouldn't, show him where precisely but managed to wave your hand towards your neck and upper body. Shame once again invaded your cells. His eyes filled with despair and so much rage. He hugged you tight again. "I'm going to kill him."
You whipped your head up. The look in your brother's eyes was one you had never seen before. Immediately, guilt flooded your thoughts.
"Nick, you can't get involved in this. I'm so sorry I got into all this trouble. I don't want it to affect you at school. I shouldn't have followed him. This is my fault."
He looked at you incredulously. As if you had just said the dumbest thing he had ever heard.
"Y/n, you didn't get in trouble. Someone assaulted you. You are not at fault here. Do you understand? Because I really need you to." He tightened his grip on you, his cheek on the crown of your head. "I don't need you to pull some Charlie number on me."
"A Charlie number, uh?" you heard a familiar voice speak up.
Charlie's head peeked from your door. The face of comfort and reassurance. "Can I come in?" You nodded as he made his way to the bed. "Although I'm not sure what exactly he's referring to, I'm pretty sure he's right. You shouldn't feel guilty for something someone did to you, okay? Especially for something like this."
You saw the hint of pain flashing in his eyes and remembered he had experienced something similar.
He reached a hand you immediately grabbed. You had loved Charlie since that first day he came to your house to meet Nellie. There was something about him that always made you feel safe and comfortable. His presence here meant a lot to you. "You okay?"
You still weren't precisely grabbing the heaviness of what had happened. But the support you were shown helped you manage the whirlwind of emotions you were feeling. You nodded feebly.
"What do you want to do?" finally asked Nick. "Can we do anything for you right now?"
You confessed you did not want to be alone tonight. You dreaded being left with your thoughts, scared they would swallow you whole. "I just want to feel safe," you whispered.
The words were like a dagger to Nick and Charlie's hearts. They both felt so guilty about not being there to protect you. What happened tonight brought them back to the beginning of their relationship. When Charlie had been through the same thing you just did. It awakened so many unpleasant and painful memories in their hearts.
"Of course. We can stay with you all night," said Nick with a kind smile, and you knew he meant it.
He offered to watch a movie, knowing that was your thing when you needed comfort. He felt that nothing he could do would help you heal from the experience you just had, but he'd do anything in his power to make you feel better. Your eyes light up at the suggestion, and he couldn't help a loving smile from lighting up his face.
"The gang is still down there. If you want, I can ask them to leave?" suggested Charlie. "Even I can go home if you would rather be alone with your family. That'd be totally understandable."
If you were being honest, you would love for them to stay. The more, the merrier, and Nick's friends were such a cheerful and caring group. You knew they would be supportive. You hesitated, on the edge of saying yes.
Nick felt your hesitation and put a hand atop Charlie and yours. "We can ask everyone to leave if you want to, no problem. But if you feel comfortable and want them here, I know they'd love to."
You finally admitted you'd love for them to stay. Charlie went downstairs to fill them in. Leaving you in the room, still wrapped in your brother's arms. Both of you weren't ready to move just yet.
"If you want them to leave or need anything at any moment, I want you to come straight to me. Is that clear?" You nodded. "And while they set everything up, I have to tell Mum. She's worried sick, and rightfully so."
You nodded once again, knowing she deserved to know. Still, you couldn't help your stomach from twisting in knots at the thought of this thing spreading out.
Always so observant, Nick noticed how scared you looked. "Please, trust me, let me handle this. You don't have to worry about a thing. Just let me deal with it. You can lean on me." You mumbled an 'okay' as he kissed the top of your hair.
An invisible promise to protect you forever.
The gang all split up to help make you feel better. Elle, Tara, and Darcy helped you clean up. You didn't want to be alone. So when you looked anxious to step in the bathroom, they all suggested they'd sit down in there, waiting for you. They were incredibly caring and supportive. Acting like this wasn't out of the blue and odd. You knew Nick and Charlie had filled them in, but none dared to say a thing. Their respect for your privacy and light chatting were both things you were incredibly grateful for. In the meantime, Tao and Isaac prepared the living room for the movie. They went all out and built a fort of pillows and blankets with snacks, ready to welcome you when you were done.
As for Nick and Charlie, they were dealing with the situation. They told everything to your mum and contacted Sai to find out what he'd seen. He immediately admitted seeing you running away from a corridor, shirt torn up, with tears running down your face. He found the guy in question, still catching his breath, and pieced two and two together. He even got him to admit the whole thing. He questioned some guys and even confirmed the horrible rumor of the bet. It had taken everything, and encouragement from Charlie, for Nick to stay put and not rush back there to beat his ass. Even your 'anti-violence' mother kept her mouth shut while Nick uttered threats, each worse than the other. The next day would already be horrible enough for the guy without Nick having to get in trouble had reassured his boyfriend.
Forty-five minutes later, you were all covered in blankets, resting on pillows, cuddled up together. Nick and Charlie were sitting on either side of you. Your brother's arm reached around you and his boyfriend.
The rest of the gang was scattered around the floor and the couch, but you were still all touching. Forming an unbreakable chain of support and love.
You looked around and felt so grateful as you looked at the people present. Nick squeezed your hand with a kind smile, a quick check-up to confirm you were still okay. You cleared your throat, gathering everyone's attention. The movie softly played in the background while you started, "I wanted to thank you for this. You have all been incredible. Thank you for helping me, and I hope you can forgive me for interrupting your end-of-exams party."
"Hush with that. As if we'd ever be mad for something like this." intervened Elle. She put a comforting hand on your shin, her features so open and caring. You couldn't help but give her an answering smile.
"Did you really think we'd resent you for what happened tonight?" inquired Charlie. Once again, a light of understanding sparkled in his blue eyes.
"No, but it's just... This was your thing. Your party, and once again, I'm intruding in and forcing you guys to hang out with me."
"Forcing us?!" cut Tara. "Y/n, I don't think anyone here would feel forced to hang out with you. We like hanging out with you!"
Your eyes shone with surprise and something like relief. They all looked at each other incredulously. Not quite believing that you didn't know how much they liked you. "What?! Did you think we only thought of you as Nick's little sister?"
You turned your head towards a disbelieving Tao. Your shy silence was an answer in itself.
"You have great taste in movies. Plus, you have a lot of knowledge about the cinematic universe. I like hanging out with you because you're the only one in this group with decent expertise of the culture." He added enthusiastically. Pronouncing that last word with his usual mediocre impression of a Scottish accent, he extorted a laugh from your chest.
"And you like to dance, and for some reason, you get Darcy's poor sense of humor," added Tara with a sarcastic roll of her eyes. To which her girlfriend lightly tapped her leg in protest.
"And you're into art, and you're actually the only one in this group who can give me constructive criticism about my work." Your gaze dropped back to Elle, giving an accusatory look at the rest of the group.
"And you're the only one willing to have a book club with me. Don't think I can talk and have actual discussions with this lot about all the books I read," finished Isaac with a shy smile. He was the first in the gang, after Charlie, with whom you felt really close. You squeezed his hand as a silent thanks.
"We're trying to tell you how you mean so much more to us. You're Y/n Nelson. We like hanging out with you because you're a great person with great interests. Not because we have to. Not because you're Nick's sister." explained Charlie. He knew how it felt when you thought people didn't honestly like you. Or when you thought they'd be better off without you. He saw so much of himself inside of you. It made his heart tighten with sadness and love.
You stared at them all, a few tears burning in the corners of your eyes. You coughed, trying to hide the emotion flaring up in you.
"You are part of this group if you want to Y/n." Charlie nudged you with his shoulder as if he had read your thoughts. You lifted hopeful eyes towards him. You felt as if your heart might burst with joy.
"I-"
"I'm not giving you any choice." cut Darcy out of the blue."You are part of the gang. Nothing you can do about it." she declared. As always, her unexpected comment had everyone laughing. You looked at her triumphant face, euphoria spreading in your chest.
You looked at your brother, who was already beaming at you, pride and joy mixed in that sweet expression. The tears in your eyes welled up and, against the better of you, softly dropped on your cheeks.
"Are these tears of joy...?" asked Isaac, speaking for the whole group. You had been through a lot tonight, and they had hoped their intervention would have made you happy. But they questioned if it had been too much, too soon.
You let out a soft chuckle. "Yes."
In a team effort, the whole gang jumped on you. Engulfing your body in an embrace of warmth, love, and laughter, a lot of laughter.
"I'm so sorry for being such a..."
You stopped mid-sentence when you felt a pinch on your arm, only to hear Nick whisper, "From now on, you are also banned from saying the 's' word. So shut it and enjoy." The whole group, including yourself, erupted in laughter.
There would be a lot of hardships coming in the next few days, but knowing you had them all made you feel like maybe, just maybe, you'd be able to weather it.
#ilya writes#nick nelson#nick nelson x twin sister!reader#nick nelson x sibling!reader#nick nelson x reader#paris gang x reader#heartstopper#heartstopper fic#nick nelson fic#nick and charlie#alice oseman#kit connor#joe locke#charlie spring
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Don't leave me... I'll stay (Loki)
Summary: After an argument causes a rift between Loki and Y/N, the day is spent ignoring the other until Y/N decides to spend the night away from Loki.
Warning: Angst? i dunno what else to put in but angst eheheh. long maybe? this is a very long fic eheheh. ohh and another thing is that this may be prone to mistakes as i dont have anybody to proof this so... ehehhe
Note: eheheeh the liar has finally posted what was promised, precisely a month late or later. eheheh sorry to those who waited, school has taken a lot of my time, I barely open my laptop to work and im rarely here anymore but i've got until the monday off so lets see what i'll do with that eheheh
The context is vague, I apologize but i am complete rubbish at this. at everything really, including writing so eheheh. To those brave souls that braved this whole thing, Thank you! so very deeply, from the bottom of my heart for even showing the slightest bit of interest in my rubbish ideas. Hope you like it and im stopping myself from going any further and prolonging this intro ehehhe, Enjoy!😊
‘No Loki! Just because I have this disease, doesn’t mean you have the right to keep me locked up like some sort of china. I am able to do just about everything I could before I told you and you have no right telling me what I can or cannot do’ you countered his argument but being stubborn, neither of you relented nor ceased.
You were now second guessing whether it was right or not, telling him about the chronic illness you were diagnosed with, but you knew that you did the right thing if you wanted this relationship to have a good foundation. The reaction however… was not how you thought things would go.
It was simple at first. Barely noticeable and could have been mistaken as added doting to his already caring nature with you but overtime, it became more and more obvious how he was setting up these restrictions you never would have agreed on. It only grew ridiculous, and you would have allowed the passive ones, but this was the final straw.
Your patience had worn thin over the entirety of the argument however, as comments grew more rash and the final ‘disapproval’ of your oncoming task was remarked, you snapped. He had no right to restrict you of activities and tasks he thinks are too much for your condition and it only insulted and hurt you to think that he thought you so frail and weak that even simple chores were too much.
‘I am going on this mission, whether you “approve” or not, because just telling you was out of courtesy. I refuse to be told of my restrictions by anyone besides myself. I would have understood your concerns if the situation were more grave, but for the love of God, it’s a simple data extraction.’ You exasperated, growing tired of fighting about something you know he won’t fold on.
‘In an abandoned Hydra base!’ he pointed out, choosing not to acknowledge how you outright dismissed his concern, no matter how much it hurt. ‘You know of the dangers that lurk in those retched lairs and often times there are still those who patrol the premises. You do remember when Rogers and Romanoff were attacked during their little escapade in Camp Leigh, do you not?’
‘Of course, I remember, I’m not a moron’ you snide, glaring daggers at the raven-haired god and you were just about to justify how Barnes was going with you however the comment he let out was the final pull on the thinned thread.
‘Well, you certainly are acting like one’ he mumbled without thinking, turning away. He thought it was low enough so you wouldn’t hear but he thought wrong.
‘I beg your pardon?!’ you all but screeched out of fury. Loki flinched before he turned at the high pitch and fury, he heard from you. He saw the outraged his comment caused in your eyes. The fire that burned in those beautiful orbs of yours was terrifying however, what truly frightened him was how you took a breath, calming yourself and before he could so much as apologize, rolled your eyes and turned away.
‘I’m done’ you raised your hands in surrender, turning your back to him.
‘What do you mean you’re done?’ he asked as fear of losing you threatened his being. You mean everything to him and just the very thought of losing you and him being the very reason you were gone… it opened a holocaust in his mind.
‘This conversation, I am done. I’m ending it before either of us say something or does more damage that there already is’ you yield, busying yourself with tidying up the files you had splayed out all over the floor.
Relief flooded his senses before guilt quickly bore fruit.
He watched as you packed up your work and strode out of the room. It took him a minute, but he followed you out and once he finally reached the living room, he met the sight of you slipping on your trainers and throwing your gadgets, wallet and keys in your bag before moving to the door and slamming it shut.
He stood frozen in the threshold of the hall as he processed what happened. All he wanted was to keep you safe. Never did he think that things would go this bad.
You stormed out of the flat and went to the compound for the briefing you had with Bucky. It was scheduled for tomorrow, but you just could not stay in the flat, not with him, not at the moment. You needed a cool head and quite frankly, yours was blazing.
You called Barnes to reschedule, which he agreed to but before he could ask why, you had already hung up. You needed to calm down, seriously.
You took a scenic route around the city before heading to the facility. You parked at the car park and turned off the vehicle before you let your head fall on the steering wheel. Loki’s’ words really stung but in his own way, you knew he meant well. He loved you but it felt demeaning to be confined to one place or to be babied. You are a grown woman; this disease may affect you in some way but you wouldn’t let it define and control your life like its slowly doing to Loki.
You took your phone to look at the time and was greeted with lock screen background of you and Loki cuddling, fast asleep. Someone from the team took the picture to spite Loki but you found it adorable and set it on your phone. It brought a small grin to your lips until you got a message from Barnes saying which conference room was being used for the quick briefing. You sighed, taking your bag before exiting the car and heading in the building.
The briefing was quick. Only about the layout of the base, where to go and what to take. You were in and out in possibly ten minutes, but you longed for it to be longer. You didn’t want to go home yet so you stayed for a chat with the others, talking to Wanda about her relationship, discussing with Bruce the project he was working on before you went and left with a goodbye, heading for the shops for dinner prep and a bit of groceries, taking your time in each aisle to pass the minute until you really had to go home.
Loki had texted Thor after you left, asking if you were at the compound. It took a bit for his brother to respond but eventually he replied with ‘Barnes says she’s on her way for a meeting’. He felt relieved to at least know where you are, knowing you were safe and not alone somewhere.
Hours passed until he heard your keys on the front door, the metal snake keychain giving a distinct clink with the rest of your keys. He looked to the door from where he sat on the living room, watching as you trudged in the brown bags of groceries. You kicked the door closed and placed the bags in the kitchen bench, never sparing him a look. He could sense that you didn’t want to be around him, he could always sense it. He’s had years of experience with being ignored nor wanted. He knew when to take his leave, so he left for the bedroom, never sparing you a sound of his departure.
You saw Loki on the chaise when you walked in. You blatantly ignored him, but he was on the couch. The only indication you got that he left was when you heard the bedroom door close. You were fixing everything you had bought to the cupboards and the pantry when you just heard the soft click of the door closing. You felt bad with how distant you two were being but what stung more is that he couldn’t bear to be in the same room as you that he had to leave. You wanted to make things right. You were thinking of things to say as you put away the vegetables, but he seemed to want the opposite.
You put everything away and started making supper, finishing an hour or two later. Loki still hasn’t left the bedroom, though you did hear the shower run a few minutes prior, so you ate by yourself, wallowing in your thoughts about the mission and Loki.
Your bowl was half gone when he emerged from the room and moved to where you were eating on the table. You had prepared him a bowl, which now sat at the other end of the table. You weren’t talking to each other, but you still care and love him. The soup had gone a bit cold, but it was there, and he sat and ate it anyways.
Both of you stayed silent, neither breaking the silence as the tension grew thick. You quickly finished the rest of your meal before standing abruptly to start cleaning up. You let the bowl rinse and soak in the sink while you stored the leftovers in a container and to the fridge. You had put more than enough on his bowl, so you were sure he wouldn’t be asking for seconds. You quickly washed the dishes whilst he ate while reading his book. He was nearly done when you left the kitchen and proceeded to the bathroom.
He let out a sigh and dropped his book when he heard the shower running. He has been staring at the very same paragraph over and over but not once has he actually paid attention to the text let alone understood it. He was hoping to break the ice between you two, but he froze, missing his chance.
He rinsed his own dish and made sure everything was good and locked up before he went back to the bedroom, preparing to go to bed.
You came out a few minutes later, steam billowing from the ensuite and following you. Your hair was wrapped up in a towel, your body clad in the oversized jumper you adored, with a nightie underneath. You still refused to acknowledge him as you made your way to the closet, grabbing a spare comforter.
This got Loki’s attention and was what broke the silence of the room, really the silence you have both established since the argument earlier.
‘What are you doing?’ he asked as he stopped fluffing the pillow in his hold. Your pillow.
‘I have a few case files to read and paperwork to do so… I’m staying in the living room’ you stated, hardly with any emotion, tugging at the comforter from the top shelf.
‘And the need for a blanket?’ he questioned again, looking over your well bundled figure. The sweater you had was thick and big enough to cover your legs if you were truly that cold, he knew that and the fact that you only use blankets whenever you were going to sleep.
‘It’s likely I’ll fall asleep on the couch so I’m preparing for the inevitable. To put it bluntly, I’m sleeping on the couch’ you say, finally turning around to see him holding your pillow before you moved to leave the room.
All Loki could do was nod, clenching his jaw as his hands dropped your pillow and watch as you left the room. He couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t will his lips to move in protest and just accepted what was going to happen. He didn’t want to force you seeing how that went earlier, so he let it… you, go do what you wish. He didn’t want to lose you and he’d do anything and everything to avoid that.
He got cleaned up in the bathroom before he went to bed. He couldn’t sleep and for hours he’s spent it staring up at the ceiling. Once he'd learned to sleep with you by his side, it was harder now to do so without you and the lingering thoughts of your fight earlier kept him company.
It took a while before the fatigue finally succumbed to him, his mind too tired to do anything that it finally forfeited and let him rest.
You on the other hand, haven’t slept at all. Not a wink of it. You spent a bit writing up some reports and looking over at some case files but after you found that you couldn’t focus, you packed everything up and tried to get some sleep. Tried. You really did but as tired as your body was, your mind worked wonders in keeping you up.
The fight you had was your fore thought, mainly the look in Loki’s eyes when you said you weren’t sleeping in the same room as him. He always tried to look impassive in front of others but with you, his eyes held so many expressions of love and adoration, you saw none of that as he held your pillow.
You felt bad leaving him alone. The gesture alone of fixing your side of the bed was heart-warming, that it made you feel like a monster when you saw the look he gave you. Of absolute disappointment? It wasn’t the right word, but you felt like you took the one good thing he had and crushed it in front of him.
You tried to stave off such thoughts, thinking of your task for tomorrow and such but it wasn’t any use. Your mind was going miles per minute, and you just couldn’t keep up. You stayed on the couch for hours, laying on the furniture as your eyes stayed transfixed on a spiderweb on the ceiling. You grew restless overtime so the idea of making tea came to mind.
You thought it a good idea for a cup to help you, so you finally got up. You took the towel you used from the coffee table and hung it on a chair as you turned the kettle on. You grabbed a cup from the drying rack and dropped the bag of chamomile you got from the jar, as you waited for the water to boil.
It was then you heard a whimper. It came fast and low, you were beginning to think that you imagined it when you heard it again. You left the cup sitting on the counter as you went to investigate, looking all around the open space of the flat until it finally registered to you that it was coming from the bedroom.
Loki…
Fast steps quickly took you to the door of the room, which was left open and from where you stood, you heard his cries clearly. The room, gloomy when you entered had scarcely any light. The only source came from the dim lighting from the hall and the sliver of moonlight seeping through the curtains, but it was enough to help you at least see figures.
You moved to the general area of where the bed was and there you saw his figure, trembling slightly. From what you saw as your eyes further adjusted to the darkness, he laid on his side, his shirt damp with sweat, his face glistening and his hair sticking all over his neck and cheeks. He had a pillow in his hold, his head buried in the cushion, but the muffled whines and whimpers still persisted to reach your ears. It was your pillow.
It had been a long while since these terrible nightmares have plagued his nights. The last was far too long ago you hardly remembered it anymore. You remember how he once told you about it having something to do with you sleeping by his side. That something about you just calmed him and made his mind come to a peaceful state. The guilt you felt increased tenfold as the regret of leaving him alone ate you alive. You didn’t… you don’t… you couldn’t have imagined how much you had helped him without even realizing and now leaving him to his own devices… you felt like a pompous prick.
You sped to his side, whispering his name in hopes to arouse him but it proved to be futile.
You sat beside him, turning to the side to face figure. A finger reached to tuck the damp locks behinds his ears as you whispered his name again, hoping to get through his thoughts but it still wasn’t working. Your hands moved to cradle the side of his face, your thumb caressing his cheek in hopes to stir him as you continued to say his name.
‘Loki’ you said softly, knowing using any other tone or pitch would only frighten him further. You moved your head next to his, your body twisted in an awkward position, but you couldn’t care less. You continued to whisper his name close to his ear, your thumbs caressing those sharp angled cheeks until he finally stirred.
You felt it. That light shake of his head as he finally starts rouse, as if shaking off fatigue and merciless thoughts that haunted his mind. You pulled away a bit to see him properly, wiping the beads of sweat that coated most of his forehead with the sleeve of your jumper as your other hand continued their gentle caress on his cheeks. He had a furrow that pulled his brows together and normally you would have found it adorable but right now you only hoped to remove it.
He blinked slowly, gathering his bearings to check if he was truly out of the agonizing torment his mind had conjured. He was losing you. It was scene after scene of ways he loses you and all of it was his fault. From you leaving him after an argument, to the image of the mad titan snapping your neck in his grasp as he watched. Each scenario broke him in every way, and he just couldn’t bare it.
The sight was still fresh in his mind as he finally started to ebb away from the drowse of sleep. Then as panic set him as he realized and processed what had happened, he didn’t notice the soft whisper of his name or the caress of your delicate fingers. He was on the verge of complete panic, tears welling up his eyes when he felt it. You.
Your voice. You touch. Your scent. Everything. It all enveloped him to the point It became overwhelming, but he wanted it. To suffocate in everything you, to banish those horrid thoughts away.
‘y/n?’ he whispered meekly, still questioning whether he was still in the throughs of his nightmare.
‘I’m here, It’s okay. It’s just a nightmare’ you replied as tears started to pour from his eyes and cascade down his cheeks.
‘I’m sorry, I-I’m sorry, p-please don’t leave me’ he heaved, his voice shaking with every word, it broke your heart to hear him so broken. His arms moved to wrap around you, having a tight hold on your waist, leaving the pillow, as he wept.
You could only do so much to keep your own tears at bay, but you managed to stay strong. Your fingers wiped much of the tears, but they only continued to flow so you pulled him in to hide in the crook of your neck.
‘Shhh darling. It’s alright, I’m here, I promise’ you said in his ear, knowing his cries would only muffle his hearing. He cried and cried, apologizing just as much in between but you still dismissed every single one.
‘Shhhh, you’re okay darling. It’s only a nightmare, it’s alright’ you moved your body to lay on the bed fully, settling beside him comfortably as you held him tight. Your fingers weaved through his obsidian locks, scratching his scalp in hopes to console and comfort him in anyway as he continued to heave on the crook of your neck.
It broke your heart to see him like this. Frightened to the bone like a little boy, shivering as if dunk in the oceans of the arctic. All those years of suffering topped his insecurities and the lack assurance and consoling care throughout most of his life… of course he was afraid. Of the possibilities this life held. He’d seen the worst parts of it, of course id be difficult to peer outside that little protective box he hid in. And your argument certainly didn’t help matters.
He cried for a while and you let him. Bare his vulnerability to you and it was your honour to be shown this fragile part of him. You’d treasure the trust he had in you, to keep him safe in times like these. You wouldn’t let anything happen to him, especially like this. You love him too much.
He calmed down after a little while, still letting out soft sniffs and whimpers every once and a while, but he had calmed down. You placed a soft kiss on his temple, an assurance of sorts before pulling back to face him but his grip only tightened, a whine escaping his lips as he hid himself further in the safety of your hair.
He didn’t want you to pull away for fear of you having enough of him, but he wouldn’t have it. He couldn’t.
You hushed him softly, running a hand through his inky locks and caressing his scalp, assuring him you weren’t going anywhere and only meant to talk to him. He was reluctant but he gave in, nodding the slightest bit before pulling away to face you.
His face was red, eyes bloodshot and puffy around the eyelids, looking down and anywhere but at you. Streaks of tears, dry and fresh cascaded down his sharp features, causing his unruly hair to stick. The look he gave you completely broke your heart, rendering it to mush whilst he had the decency to look so heartbroken.
You kept your composure as a finger swiped a way those stray locks, tucking it behind his ear before he nuzzled in the warms of your palm. Your thumb glided along the prominent angle of his zygoma, brushing away whatever moisture was left until you tilted his head up, by the chin, to look at you. His beautiful emerald eyes shimmered with unshed tears however he still won’t look you in the eyes.
‘Loki’ his name came off your lips in a soft whisper, finally grabbing his attention. Now that you finally had it though, all words seem to have left you, your thoughts drawing blank. A sigh left your lips as you let your head drop to his, your foreheads pressed together as you closed your eyes.
‘I’m sorry’ you said blankly, your hand rising to come through his locks and to scratch his scalp. Whether it was for his comfort or your distraction, you wouldn’t know.
He shook his head, dismissing your apology. Half of him didn’t know what you were apologizing for yet the other had an idea as to what, and even if it truly was what you were thinking, he knew that it was his fault.
‘No, don’t apologize. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have treated you as such, but please darling, forgive me. I cannot lose you, please. Don’t… don’t leave me’ he practically begged. He really couldn’t lose you. He just wouldn’t know what to do if he did, but he just knows he won’t survive it.
‘No, I must apologize’ you argued, continuing on before he could cut you off ‘My actions weren’t acceptable, but Loki… We cannot keep going on like this. I am my own person, I refuse to told what to do, let alone what I can’t. I refuse to be caged in the four walls of this flat like some treasured bird, I’m not. I will not be restrained. By some illness nor God or man. This won’t work if that is what you want’.
‘I know, I know. I-It’s not, It’s not what I want. I’m sorry but darling, I just can’t lose you. I can’t. I won’t survive it. Please, I won’t do it again, just please don’t leave me.’ He sobbed, dropping his head back down the crook of your neck and he held you in a tight embrace. You understood what he meant; you don’t think you could survive losing him too.
‘I won’t. I’m not leaving you. I would never. I'm staying’ You affirmed. You really wouldn’t, but you won’t stand being coddled to the brim.
You held on to each other tightly for a while. Just letting the others presence calm one another. Loki hidden in the arch of your shoulder, arms wrapped around your waist, while you laid your head on top of his, a hand mindlessly raking trough his gorgeous locks. It proved to be comforting for the both of you, evidently.
‘I only meant to protect you’ he mumbled with a sniff out of nowhere.
‘I understand, my love. And the best I could do is promise to be safe and extra careful. I won’t take too risky missions if that gives you a peace of mind.’ You offered. You knew he only meant well and cared for your safety. You love your job but often times, it was too dangerous, even for your standards after everything. Taking fewer and safer missions wasn’t a problem. As long as you had worked to do that involved helping people, you were satisfied.
You felt him nod his head lightly at the suggestion, causing a soft smile to bloom from your lips before placing a soft kiss on the crown of his head. You didn’t see it but a small smile curved his lips as well at the feel of your lips on his skin. The touch starved part of him relishing in these small moments of affection like treasure.
Your free hand moved to caress his back when you felt how damp the fabric of his top was. The sweat he had worked up earlier still hasn’t dried and you knew how uncomfortable he would get bathing in the slightest bit of dirt, hence why you thought of getting him cleaned.
You place another kiss on his cheek before attempting to untangle yourself from him. The events of the nights had taxed the god, but you wanted to get him at least a bit clean before he fully dozed off however, as you tried to get off his loving embrace, his grip only tightened, his droopy eyes opening wide to see the commotion.
‘Shhh, It’s alright. I just have to head out to the kitchen to check something and I promise, I will be right back my love’ you said softly to his ear, hoping his drowse would keep. He gave a tired huff before reluctantly setting you free. Your grin only grew wider, and you place a quick peck on his lips before you scrambled off the bed.
You quickly checked the kitchen to see if the kettle hadn’t burned and once assured, you left it as it was and headed to the loo to get what was needed. You took a small towel from the cupboard bellow the sink and ran it under the water to get it wet. Once it was fully soaked, you wrang the excess water from the towel and quickly grabbed a spare shirt from the wardrobe before going back to the bedroom.
The darling god had his eyes closed with your pillow once again tight in his grasp. This time, the sight made you smile. At how adorable he looked, face squashed on the cushion. You could tell how exhausted he was though, so you made haste in getting him set for night’s (hopefully) peaceful rest.
You sat beside him on the bed, the shifting of the mattress making him dare open an eye just as you were about to rouse him. He gave you that small charming smile of his when he saw you and your hand moved to cup his cheek, letting the pad of your thumb caress his now dried cheeks.
‘Can you sit up for me, luv’ you asked, leaning down to his ear. He gave you a faint nod before you sat back and helped him up. The fatigue was really getting on to him as he laid his head on your shoulder, so you made sure to finish as soon as possible to finally let him have a good night’s rest.
You gathered his hair into a pony with one hand and held it away, while the other wiped the damp cloth on the back of his neck. He flinched at the contact, having been spared a warning, you promptly apologized and moved as quickly as you could.
You wiped his face with great care, before you pulled his shirt off and threw it on the nightstand, to be put on the hamper after you were done. You wiped him all over until you deemed it enough and gave him the spare shirt. He put it on and just before you could leave the bed again, he took your hand. He gave you a pleading look that spoke volumes, and how could you resist when he gave you those doe eyes.
You gave him a soft smile, leaving the little towel beside the shirt and made your way to your spot on the bed. You got comfortable before you looked at him, staring at you with great fondness, it made you bashful yet you still opened your arms, welcoming him in to be held, which with great eager, he accepted. He laid beside you, wrapping his arms around your torso as he inhaled the scent of your hair, a welcome comfort after the course of the night.
You pulled the covers up to cover you both, but the feel of his soft lips just made you forget about everything but him, making you snuggle closer in his hold.
He had his head laid on the top of yours, his arms tied around you and your legs intertwined. An arm of yours cradled the back of his head, tangling to the roots of his inky locks while the other drew abstracts on his back. You held each other, never saying a word yet the silence was finally comfortable. A tranquil state you two could once again relish.
The silence however gave your mind room to intrude the peace, thinking of how things got to this point. From the argument, to the dismiss of each other’s presence and up until the confession after the dreadful nightmare, you admit that parts of how this ended up being the conclusion of the day, was your fault. Yes, Loki had his own mistakes in the matter, but you could have taken a point and fixed it. Why didn’t you get a grip and made the effort to make things better. You shouldn’t ha…
A deep sigh broke you out of your trance. A squeeze, you felt you were given as arms around waist tightened and you were pulled impossibly closer to the mass holding you.
‘I can hear your gears turning, darling’ Loki mumbled, followed by a small chuckle, breaking the deafening comfort of silence. The sound was well welcomed after the tension of the day.
‘Sorry, luv. Go back to sleep’ you reply, scratching his scalp. He hummed in response, a smile pressing against your hair before a quick peck was planted on the top of your head. You grinned, closing your eyes, hoping to finally get consumed by the black oblivion that was rest.
The gentle caress on your arm helped, lulling you to a peaceful state of mind. Loki knew what helped you too.
Eventually the night drew on, painting the dark skies with stars as the two held each other, succumbing to blissful state of peace promised by slumber.
The night was a lesson for the two. To understand the other, to work out their problems and to never go to bed angry.
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MISCELLANEOUS SENTENCE PROMPTS
* collection #5
take a nap with me.
please don't go.
you talk too much.
don't bother with any male chauvinistic compliments.
such disdain can not and must not be tolerated.
my handwriting is so bad, sometimes i think i should've been a doctor.
i wouldn't say no to getting lost with you.
we've got the element of surprise on our side.
i had to carry you for a while. it wasn't pretty.
anything broken?
i'm very impressed with you.
drinks all around!
now what is that supposed to mean?
i guess freedom is purely relative.
can you repeat that? i wasn't listening.
i'm not a threat. i won't hurt you.
what sort of trouble are you looking for?
when you're ready, we can get out of here.
i couldn't find your gun.
well, i thought you might be a little angry.
oh don't tell me. let me guess.
keep that thing away from me.
glad you think i'm hot... i guess.
hope that wasn't a family heirloom.
how has work been?
i don't think the world is full of criminals and full of murderers. it's full of nice people.
it could happen to anyone.
is your head clear yet?
will you go find yourself another suspect?
don't ask me any questions. i'm calling my attorney.
i'm trying to watch the game!
that's been known to happen.
i could wait.
can i ask a personal question?
how can i be angry looking at you?
i don't want to cut down on my standard of living.
don't catch a cold out there. wear a jacket.
you sure do know how to work a crowd.
what brought you here tonight?
i don't think you care too much.
that was... unexpected.
are you in charge of this mess or not?
this isn't what it looks like.
i just go where they tell me to.
i hope this isn't a bad time.
do you see something wrong?
here's your scarf. you dropped it.
i miss the way you used to touch me.
that's a stupid idea.
did it rain last tuesday?
can i sit in this?
that's not my problem.
did you have anything specific that you wanted to talk to me about?
i'm beginning to be very fond of you.
i didn't realize i drank that much.
may our enemies never be as happy as we are at this moment.
if you wait a while, we can go home together.
screw the rest of them. make them squirm.
that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i meant to do that.
everybody is a suspect.
it's noble of you to come galloping to the rescue.
i know that. you told me.
you see, artists are very, very delicate.
you'll always have everything.
there's just one more thing i need to ask you...
can i use your phone?
i wasn't snooping.
can i take you out to dinner? my treat.
isn't that peculiar?
thanks for stopping by.
i usually don't drink anything i can't pronounce.
i just don't want anybody else to have it.
mind if i smoke?
what do you think of this?
i really appreciate your taking the time to chat with me.
why do all these people feel that they know me?
i can't tell you what a big help you've been.
as you travel through life, you'll encounter many barriers to happiness.
you're safe. i promise. i'm right here.
over my dead body.
that must have been very hard, losing someone you love like that.
this didn't need to happen.
i must have your name.
what's the matter? did i scare you?
what did you pay for those shoes?
i'm not very good on details, that's why i write everything down.
you didn't have a fight or anything, did you?
i've never met anyone quite like you. can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
are you still with me?
i guess it slipped your mind.
let's go inside. we'll be more comfortable.
do you mind if i grab a blanket? it's freezing in here.
just for the record, i love you.
maybe you should take the couch tonight.
maybe it would help if i knew where i was taking you.
#rp starters#rp memes#rp prompt#rp meme#rp musings#roleplay memes#roleplay prompt#roleplay meme#writing prompt#ask memes#rp asks#ask meme#inbox prompt#rp inbox meme#sentence starter#sentence starters#sentence starter prompt#mcflymemes#random dialogue
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Skz when they help you with your sadness
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Established Relationships
Word Count: 2.4k
Warnings: Mental health issues (feeling of self doubt, worthlessness, depression).
Just how are sweet boys would help you if you were struggling with sadness and/or a bad mental health day.
Chan:
After all the years he had spent with the kids and inside his own head he could tell instantly you were masking whatever was the matter. To anybody else you appeared you normal cheerful self smiling, making small talk and feigning interest in things despite what was going on in your head. He knew that he needed to get you back to the dorm so you felt safe enough to let the mask fall so as soon as the pair of you could leave he made sure you did.
You were fidgeting in the car the whole ride back to the dorm so sure that he was annoyed at you for bringing the mood down that you missed all the worried looks he threw your way.
"Baby, you know I love you more than anything yeah?" he sighed taking your hand in his and holding it tightly your fingers interlocked "So whatever it is that is making you feel like this we can tackle together"
"Chris, I..." you started still trying to cover your sadness but the mask you wore was slipping.
"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to just know I'm here. I'll always be here" he smiled sweetly kissing your knuckles as he drove. Walking to the elevator from the garage to the dorm he held your hand tightly his thumb dragging over the skin of your knuckles relaxing you. As the doors shut behind you, you turned to him looking at his handsome face wearing a look of worry for you made you feel guilty for ruining his night.
"I'm sorry, sometimes I can't stop it. I just feel so much it causes me to feel pain sometimes and I think if I hide it you won't have to have your day ruined by me" you sighed looking at the floor feeling pitiful.
"I'm so sorry you feel that way baby, but you would never ruin anything the time I spend with you is the most important time to me". He soothed pulling you against him and stroking you back to calm you.
"How about when we get back to the dorm we look at how we can get you some help to deal with how your feel, yeah?" he murmured "I need to take care of my precious baby".
Lee Know:
He could tell that you were struggling without even hearing your voice he could read between the short answers that you texted back to him when he asked you about your parents and other trivial things so he did what he always did when you needed someone to help you through. He cooked you the foods that made you think of happy times.
He had let himself into your apartment with an arm full of groceries to make you something delicious to take your mind off whatever was troubling you. You had busted him and before you could get a word out to scold him he was standing in front of you pulling you into his warm arms and kissing you on the forehead.
"Everything will be ok, I'm going to take care of you" he whispered softly and you instantly relented letting him just hold you while you crumbled.
"You can't just spoil me with food every time I'm having a hard time" you sniffed against the fabric of his t-shirt, he always smelt of spice and warmth, he smelt like what home should be.
"I can and I will, for as long as you want me around" he smiled holding you tighter hoping he could stop you spiraling before it started.
Changbin:
As a partner Changbin was as close to perfect as you could have ever asked for he was loyal, generous and caring always trying to put you first when he was able to. You were grateful that you had him in your life but as your relationship grew you began to feel less worthy of his time since you couldn't do for him what he could do for you. You weren't able to shower him with gifts, take him on surprise trips or write love songs about him all you could do was give him your love which made you feel like it wasn't equal anymore.
It had been eating you for months and you could tell that sometimes the worthlessness would peek through and he would try extra hard to cheer you up whether it was staying in the dorm with you cuddling you or taking you somewhere fancy to treat you, often it just made you feel worse.
"Baby, I don't know what's been causing you pain but I want to talk it out, I want to fix it" he mumbled against your ear as he held you close to him as you laid together in his bed.
"I don't know how to talk about it without maybe making you sad" you whispered feeling guilty for ruining another day for him.
"Just let it all out and we can worry about my feelings later" he continued his voice calm and soothing to you.
"I'm just worthless, I don't deserve you, all the gifts you give me, your time. You deserve someone who can equal you not be so much less than you" you breathed big fat tears leaking from the corners of your eyes.
"No, no, no baby please don't cry" he murmured stroking your arms "who told you that you were worthless? it isn't true" he continued squeezing you the sharp edge creeping into his voice made you realize he was getting protective again.
"No one told me it's just what I think" you admitted softly.
"Well your brain is wrong because you are worth the whole world to me" he breathed against your skin pressing a kiss to your temple "and I will spend forever proving that to you if I need to".
Hyunjin:
With a world tour coming up and an album release you found yourself feeling left behind, Hyunjin was working constantly with rehearsals, song writing, photoshoots, and interviews you felt like the last priority on his to do list. You knew that wasn't fair, you had known going into this relationship that being with an idol was incredibly tough their work was demanding and so were their fans so you did your best to hide how lonely you felt from him.
It was well past midnight we he slipped into the dorm room and cuddled up beside you, mumbling an apology thinking you were asleep. You stayed silent wondering how much longer it would take for him to forget you completely, hating yourself for doubting him but knowing you were not interesting or pretty enough for him to every really remain interested in long term. When morning came you dressed and fled before any of the guys in the dorm were awake as though you were never there at all. You received a text several hours later when he woke up to you gone.
I miss you my love please come home so I can fix this xx
You left the café you had been sitting in and walked back to the dorms where he was waiting for you with open arms.
"I'm sorry I have made you so lonely lately my love" he whispered into your hair as he held you tightly against you "That's why I got you a present to help you stop feeling alone when I'm away".
Your brows furrowed together as Chan stepped into the room cradling something in his arms followed by Han. Hyunjin simply spun you to face Chan so he could still hold you from behind as Chan gave you a tiny little black ball of fluff.
"You bought me a puppy?" you gasped holding the little boy up to your face and he licked your nose.
"Kkami helps me heal I thought he could keep you company and love you while I'm away".
Han:
Han understood more then you realized, you knew he suffered with anxiety that sometimes was too much for him but he had learnt so many techniques to help himself that it was most of the time something you didn't even think about. So it was no surprise that he noticed as soon as he saw you in the the corner of the dance studio picking at your fingernails and fidgeting as you waited for him to finish. You were trying so well to mask it but there was almost no point around Han he could see straight through you he always could.
When Lee Know called for a short break so he could go over something with Hyunjin and Felix Han made a bee live for you his eyes showing concern even if he physically didn't show that he was worried about you.
"Honey what's wrong? Are you having a bad day?" He whispered as he dramatically flopped down next to you to take attention away from you.
"I'm just feeling really stressed and overwhelmed" you mumbled as you realized you were still picking at your fingers and stopping.
"We should be really quick after this last bit did you want to stay here or do you want to go to the studio? I can give you my key, Chan wont care before you say anything." he continued to pretend nothing was wrong to keep you from feeling worse.
"Studio please" you nodded making him smile at you in return knowing the quiet would probably help you. He grabbed his bag and pulled out some candy slipping you the key secretly.
"You go whenever you want I'll cover for you if you want me to" he smiled offering you a gummy which you took before leaning forward to kiss him quickly not wanting the others to complain.
"Thank you baby" you whispered walking quickly from the studio knowing that Han would explain to the others what was wrong. Half an hour later when he appeared with Chan at the studio door you were feeling a little better but still not yourself.
"Take her home Hannie, we can work on the song later just let me know" Chan smiled affectionately at you as Han interlocked his fingers with yours and lead you out into the hallway.
Felix:
It had been two months since you had gotten to see each other and both of you were suffering for it, sure you had called each other every day and face timed when you both were alone but it wasn't the same. You had hidden the funk you had fallen into from him, it was easy if he only saw you for short periods of time but you knew how disappointed he was going to be when he actually saw you and saw how you were feeling.
"Bubby! I'm home" he grinned brightly running into the room you shared when he wasn't staying in the dorms.
"Hi Lixie" you tried your best to match his excitement, he deserved that after all, he was the love of your life he deserved everything in the world. You watched his expression falter as he looked at you properly, taking in the dullness in your eyes.
"I'm sorry bubby, I should have known how hard this would be on you" he sighed despite the smile still on his face, he wrapped you in his arms nuzzling his nose into the spot below your ear "Let's just spend of the rest of the day cuddling, that will fix everything".
"I though you said sweets fixed everything baby?" you giggled softly as his breath tickled your skin.
"Cuddles are superior to sweets only if it's you bubby" He smiled against your skin as you felt some of the weight of your sadness lift.
Seungmin:
Seungmin knew that he could come off as cold or hard by someone looking in but he knew you never thought that of him so when you called him while he was still at his schedule he put on his best sarcastic voice to make people not eavesdrop.
"Seung how much longer is your schedule today?" You asked shakily pouting into the phone.
"As long as is needed I would think" he replied in the fake annoyed tone he always used around people who didn't know about you.
"When you are finished can you come over? I really don't want to be alone" you sniffed feeling the pain from your chest overwhelming you.
"Love, how long have you been feeling like this?" he whispered suddenly sounding a little scared.
"All day but I didn't want to disturb you" you snuffled holding yourself together by a thread.
"I'll ask hyung now and I will be there soon ok? I love you" he soothed his voice soft and sweet like honey.
"I love you too Seung" you hiccupped.
Not even thirty minutes later there was a beeping coming from your front door keypad, you wandered over confused as to which of your friends would drop over this late but you were engulfed in the strong warm arms of your Seung.
"How are you here so soon?" you asked confused tear stains still tracking down your cheeks.
"I told hyung what was happening he sent me here to take care of you. My photos were already done anyway I'm not missing anything" he whispered into your hair holding you tightly against his chest knowing that his touch was usually enough to help calm you.
I.N:
He knew that you were sad, well maybe you weren't sad, but he knew something was wrong all the same. You were more irritable than normal with the simplest things, from feeling nausea in the morning, to the slight headache you had gotten when the other members were too loud, to a slamming door when you got up to go to the bathroom, something was up. Knowing that once you reached your limit you would just retreat into yourself he needed to figure out how to get you out of the house.
"Do you want to take a walk with me? the guys are just too loud today" he smiled as you returned to the room looking a little sullen.
"Alright" you replied listlessly trying but failing to smile at him.
"We're going out, be back later" he called over his shoulder after getting everything you both needed and ushering you out of the door.
You didn't pay much attention to where he was leading you still stuck in the irritation in your head and the silence between you. It must have been a good ten minutes before you even looked up and noticed he was leading you to the small café that sat on the outskirts of your favorite park. He noticed you looking around and smiled gently.
"Hyung told me eating something sweet can help make you feel better" he grinned leading you into the building for sweets.
a/n: I didn't want to go to deep or dark into this I have plans for that kind of story later, thank you for reading and as always any likes, reblogs or comments are appreciated and loved xx
Tag list: (open) @christopher-bangnaldoskzz, @armystay89, @damnyouficc, @roamingpolar, @tara-skyhold, @bakedlilgoonie,
#bang chan#lee know#seo changbin#hwang hyunjin#han jisung#lee felix#kim seungmin#yang jeongin#stray kids imagines#skz imagines#stray kids fluff#skz fluff#stray kids angst#skz angst#stray kids reactions#skz reactions#mental health issues#hopeful boys#stray kids being sweet
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(This started as an attempt to write something for @wolfstarmicrofic's Let's Get Physical prompts, but again, it became much too long😅 It was supposed to be a silly fic with Remus being jealous of Sirius’ flirtatious trainer, but it became a bit more serious. But don't worry, still a happy fic with mostly Fluff!)
Remus doesn't think Sirius has anything to prove, but if he wants to run a marathon, then Remus is sure as hell going to support him every step of the way.
But the charming and flirtatious trainer who clearly has a thing for Sirius, is making it all a whole lot harder.
Every Step of the Way
Sirius wants to run a marathon.
Because of course Sirius wants to run a marathon.
After being friends for ten years and roommates for three, Remus should know by now Sirius always goes the extra mile, and this time also literally.
It doesn’t matter how far he’s already come. It’s only a year since the accident, after all. A year ago, the doctors feared that Sirius might never walk again. But a year of intense physical therapy and hard work and perseverance later, and here they are. Sirius is standing, walking, running, everything. But for Sirius, it isn’t enough. He wants to prove for once and for all that he can do everything he could before, more even, and put the whole ordeal officially behind him.
Remus knows that Sirius doesn’t understand why no one else seems to be excited about the marathon idea. He doesn’t understand, can’t understand, what it’s been like for them.
Remus still feels dread in his stomach when he thinks about getting the call, a drunk driver who had run Sirius’ motorcycle off the road, when he thinks about rushing to the hospital and waiting, not knowing if Sirius was even going to make it, sitting by his bedside while Sirius was unconscious, just hoping and praying to a god he doesn’t even believe in that Sirius would wake up.
So when Sirius did wake up in the hospital, heard what had happened to him, heard about the damage in his leg and how he might not be able to walk again, to Sirius, it felt like a nightmare. But when Sirius did wake up in the hospital, to Remus, it felt like his every prayer had been answered.
If anything, the marathon is Sirius’ way of finding closure for himself, of proving something to himself, perhaps. He doesn’t seem to understand that he doesn’t need to prove anything to them. He’s alive, and for them, that’s all he needs to be.
But if running this marathon is something Sirius needs to do, then Remus is going to support him every step of the way.
But Remus can’t bring himself to be excited about the marathon idea, especially not when Sirius finds a trainer.
Juan broad-shouldered, tall, with tanned skin and dark eyes. From the very start, he’s very impressed by Sirius’ story, because who wouldn’t be? Later, it changes to him being in awe of Sirius, of his mind-set, his perseverance, his determination. Juan’s touches become more lingering, his compliments become more frequent, his jokes become more flirty.
And Remus hates it.
He hates seeing them together, whenever Juan comes to pick Sirius up for a work-out session, or they come back from a run, or they hang out together going over the training schedule. He hates seeing Juan look at Sirius in a way he doesn’t want anybody else to ever look at Sirius.
“You can really see the effects of all that training. It’s a good look on you, Sirius. Not that you didn’t look good before, of course.”
“This week we’re going to focus more on cardio, and a little less on strength. Not that I particularly mind how broad your shoulders have become...”
“It was looking really good today, Sirius. And your running technique wasn’t bad either.”
Sirius and Juan walk in while Remus is hanging out with Lily and Marlene.
“That was a good one, huh?” Sirius asks, a little out of breath.
“Definitely,” Juan agrees. “And I must say, I’ve never seen anyone still look so good after having just ran 20k.”
Sirius snorts. “Well, at least I’m ready for the finish photo then.”
“Always,” Juan grins.
“Your next client also lives around here, right?” Sirius asks.
Juan checks his Apple watch. “Yeah, I’m meeting him in half an hour.”
“Well, I’m gonna take a shower,” Sirius says. “But feel free to hang out here and grab a drink from the fridge while you wait.”
“Thanks,” Juan says. “If you don’t need your trainer to help you out with anything in the shower?” He adds with a wink.
Sirius snorts and rolls his eyes. “I think I can manage.”
Sirius pulls his shirt over his head as he leaves the room, and Juan stares after him with a hungry look.
Remus hears a crack, and as he looks down, he sees that he accidentally broke the pen he was twirling around in his fingers.
As Juan walks over to the fridge, Lily elbows Marlene. “Marls, don’t we have to go do that thing?”
“What thing?” Marlene replies absentmindedly.
“You know, that thing,” Lily says, giving Marlene a meaningful look. “That thing where we need to go so that we are no longer here and it’s only Remus and Juan?” She nods her head in Juan’s direction, who’s leaning against the kitchen counter, sipping a soda while eying them with an amused expression.
Remus groans. They’re about as subtle a brick flying through the window. They’ve seen how Remus’ expression will grow dark, how he will ball his fists and clench his jaw, every time he sees Juan blatantly flirt with Sirius, and they’ve drawn all the wrong conclusions. They’re convinced that Remus can’t stand it because he had a crush on Juan, and no matter how much Remus denies it, they can’t be swayed. Of course they’re right about Remus being jealous, but he can’t tell them the real reason, so by now he has just given up on trying to change their minds. Unfortunately, since they believe that there’s nothing more than playful flirtation between Sirius and Juan, they’re also convinced that Remus should make his move.
“Oh, that thing!” Marlene jumps to her feet. “Right. Of course. Yes, we should go.”
As the girls leave, Marlene even goes as far as to give Remus a thumbs up.
Juan pushes himself away from the counter and saunters over to the couch.
Remus wonders if he’s going to get turned down by a guy he’s not even into.
“I know what’s going on here,” Juan says.
Remus highly doubts it. “I really don’t think you-”
“I know you’re not interested in me.”
Oh. Maybe he actually does.
“I know I’m not the reason for your jealousy. Or at least not in the way your friends seem to think.” Juan tilts his head as he studies Remus. “It’s him, right? It’s Sirius?”
Remus opens his mouth to deny it, but looking at Juan, he realises it’s no use. “Yeah...”
“I get it,” Juan says, looking at the door Sirius just left through. “He’s quite something, isn’t he?”
Remus sighs deeply. “He really is.”
“Don’t worry, I don’t blame you for having fallen for him,” Juan says. “I mean, how could I? I’m in the danger zone myself, and I only see him occasionally. You actually live with him! You didn’t stand a chance.” He smiles at Remus sympathetically. “I empathize with you.”
Remus looks up at him hopefully. “So you’ll stop flirting with him?”
Juan throws his head back and laughs. Then he gives Remus an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, but a guy who looks like Sirius, and who’s also gay and single?” He shakes his head. “I can’t pass that up. In this case, it’s every man for himself, I’m afraid.” He holds out his hand.
Remus blinks, and without really thinking about it, accepts the hand.
Juan grins. “May the best man win.”
Remus hates that he shook Juan’s hand.
Like he agreed to compete with him. Like he can compete with him.
Sure, Sirius knows Remus better than anyone except probably his mum, and Remus knows Sirius better than anyone except probably James. But doesn’t that also mean that if there had been more than friendship in store for them, it would’ve happened by now?
Besides, Juan is charming and flirtatious, he works out twice a day, and in between he works out for a living too. Remus, on the other hand, is an awkward couch potato, and the closest thing he ever came to flirting with Sirius is when he tossed a piece of bread at his head (yeah, don’t ask).
And more important, Juan challenges Sirius and pushes him to his limits. He makes Sirius feel strong and confident. Ever since the accident, Remus constantly worries about Sirius, whether he’s taking proper care of himself, whether he’s taking enough rest, whether he’s not in any pain. He makes Sirius feel small, like he’s still a patient.
Maybe, and that’s the most painful of all, maybe Sirius needs someone like Juan.
In the time leading up to the marathon, Remus just continues as before, continues to support Sirius as best he can. He buys the foods that Sirius needs and likes, he cooks meals that fit within his training regime, and he shares in his joy every time he reaches a new milestone.
He doesn’t want to think about how things are proceeding between Sirius and Juan.
Remus has been a nervous wreck all day.
It’s the day of the marathon, and while he doesn’t care if Sirius can run a marathon or not, really doesn’t, it’s important to Sirius, and so it’s important to him.
“There he is!” James shouts, jumping up and down while bumping Remus’ shoulder, pointing towards the finish line.
And indeed, Sirius is running towards the finish. He’s going to do it. Of course he’s going to do it. And in an excellent time at that.
Remus claps louder than he ever has before. To his surprise, there are tears streaming down his face. He hadn’t expected to be this affected by it. The marathon never mattered to him, after all.
It’s just... that he remembers it all again. Seeing Sirius lying motionless in that bed, looking so small with all that tubes connected to his body, seeing Sirius’ fear and pain upon hearing he might never walk again, seeing Sirius’ anger and frustration as his body didn’t do what he wanted it to do. And then seeing him now, crossing the finish line, beaming with pride, strong, confident, happy, and alive. So, so blissfully alive.
Sirius looks around the people gathered behind the finish line, and his eyes lock with Remus’. Everything around Remus disappears, the crowd, the cheers, the claps, the commentator announcing names and times, and all he sees are Sirius’ eyes, with his own overwhelming emotions reflected back to him.
Remus runs up to Sirius and Sirius meets him halfway, and they fall into each other’s arms.
“Rem,” Sirius says, put of breath. “I did it. I actually did it!”
“You did!” Remus says, hugging him tight. “I’m so proud of you, Sirius. So bloody proud of you.”
Remus is looking on from a distance as James is taking a million photos of Sirius standing at the finish line with his medal, as their mother has demanded a printed and framed photo to hang on the wall.
Suddenly, Juan appears in front of him. He holds out his hand, and again, before he can really think about it, Remus shakes the hand.
“Congratulations,” Juan says.
“Oh, ehm, well, I should probably congratulate you. You trained him and ran with him after all...”
Juan looks over at Sirius with a fond look in his eyes. “Nah, this was all him.” He turns back to Remus. “Not what I’m congratulating you for anyway.” He grins. “May the best man win, remember?”
“Ah,” Remus awkwardly scratches his head. “I don’t think you can really say that we have a winner, if that’s what you want to call it...”
“Remus,” Juan says solemnly. “If there’s anything that’s important to me, it’s sportsmanship. And good sportsmanship involves accepting your loss, and knowing that there’s no shame in losing to a worthy opponent.”
“I respect that,” Remus says. “But why would you think you have lost?”
Juan smiles at him. “It wasn’t my face he searched in the crowd when he crossed the finish line. It weren’t my arms he fell into. He likes you, Remus. You should make a move. Life’s short, you know that, and you both deserve it.”
Juan pats Remus om the back, and with one last look at Sirius, he walks away.
Remus watches Sirius approach while thoughts run through his head. Could Sirius really return his feelings? It seems impossible. But then again, did it not only two years ago seem equally impossible that Sirius would ever run a marathon?
If there’s one thing Remus should know by now, it’s that nothing is impossible when it comes to Sirius Black.
“Ready to get out of here?” Sirius asks, still smiling brightly, as he stops in front of Remus.
“Yeah,” Remus replies, and then, just as Sirius turns to go, he says “Hey, would you like to go out for dinner tonight to celebrate?” He braces himself and takes a deep breath. Now or never. He reaches out and takes Sirius’ hand in his. “Just the two of us?”
Sirius stares down at their joint hands in wonder, then his eyes fly up and search Remus’ face. Remus sees disbelieve, hope, excitement, and something else in those eyes. He can’t wait to find out what that something else is.
A soft smile appears on Sirius’ face. “Yeah,” he squeezes Remus’ hand. “Yeah, I would like that very much.”
#my tumblr writing#wolfstar#wolfstar fanfiction#wolfstar fic#marauders#marauders fanfiction#marauders fic#sirius black#remus lupin#remus x sirius#jealous remus lupin
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SAEYOUNG CHOI!!!! Stop! Trying! To! Sacrifice! Yourself! For! Other! People! You! Matter! Just! As! Much! As! Anyone! Else!
Sigh. I need to hug him tight
Saeyoung has spent his entire life fighting to protect his baby brother, and then the people closest to him in the RFA, and later, his MC as well. There has not been a moment when he hasn't been ready to give his life up if it meant that his loved ones could live. He is one of the most paranoid people you might ever meet and there's a good reason for that.
His fear is warranted.
Saejoong Choi could take everyone away from him in a FLASH. Then, he'd have nothing to live for, that's how he sees it. The enemies he has made over the course of the time he's spent in the agency are also a problem for him, so he just keeps adding more and more cruel people to his list of things to be afraid. It's got to be overwhelming for him in every sense of the word. It's one of the reasons why I like to be sure I stress to everyone that Saeyoung Choi is paranoid.
I don't see people write about that aspect of his personality that often. He always sleeps with his back against the wall, he always makes sure he's in the back of a restaurant so his back is against the wall, and he makes sure to have his eyes and ears on anything and everything around him. Saeyoung Choi will not miss a single detail if losing a single detail means he and his loved ones lose their life.
Do I think that's healthy for him? No, I don't think it's healthy for anybody to be consumed by paranoia, but I understand why he thinks the way he does, and I also know that if you love him, you need to be patient with him in this regard.
Don't let him go over the top when it comes to protecting you, but don't get angry at him if he asks you to carry around something that makes sure he always has your location. It's not because he wants to control your life, it's because he knows that somebody could hurt you and he could never live with himself if that happened and he had a chance to stop it.
In the grand scheme of things, he's taught himself to believe that it's worth giving up his life if it means the people he loves the most get to live. There has not been a day when he has been able to live for himself, because he's always lived for somebody else, and it's one of those things he has to learn as he escapes the agency and his brother finally gets back some agency and autonomy.
I hope learning how to be loved and to let himself love helps him overcome these fears.
#mod kait#ask#mystic messenger#anon#mysme#mysticmessenger#mm#saeyoung choi#character analysis#choi saeyoung
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Can you write cold/hot bodyguard baekhyun and his s/o? Reader is really fall in love with him but she is shy. 🥺🥺
a/n: i think i may have misinterpreted this, but i hope you like it! thank you for the support, your request, and your patience. ❤️
the bodyguard • bbh [req]
pairing: bodyguard!baekhyun x celeb!reader
genre: fluff, angst
synopsis: reader has a small crush on her bodyguard, and they share a moment together.
warning: unrequited feelings, mentions of anxiety and poor mental health
you made it a point to know everybody on your team: hairstylists, makeup artists, photographers, stylists, your driver, etc. you also have made it a point to try and keep your staff for as long as possible, unless they express that they’d like to go elsewhere, or they break the rules you have set in place. so far, you’ve only had to have two new people for every position in the last seven years, except for one: your bodyguard.
your bodyguard, baekhyun, has been the most consistent person in your hectic life, and he does his job well. he’s the only one who hasn’t given you any problems—you’re the problem starter in this relationship—and generally stays out of the way and out of your business when he doesn’t need to be in it.
he’s great, to say the least. he only has one major flaw, and it’s that he has to go everywhere with you, all because you made a little mistake two years ago.
you went out to get some snacks, driving yourself rather than calling up your personal driver because it was 2am. you didn’t want to be a nuisance, just wanted to go to the corner store for a few things. all was going smoothly, until you accidentally bumped into somebody on your way out, and they saw who you were and followed you back to your house. luckily, you were just renting the place for a few weeks so it wasn’t actually your residence, but it was enough to set off alarms throughout your team, thus upping the security around you and making baekhyun go with you everywhere, no matter the time or place. he’s always there.
the both of you sit in the back of the SUV that’s taking you back to your hotel from a fashion event. baekhyun stares out the back window, stoic, and you can’t help but look at him for a brief moment. he’s a man of few words, never really talking unless he’s spoken to. everybody on your team really respects him and his dedication to keeping you safe. if anything happened to you, nobody would even look at you, they’d question him immediately and he’d be fired in seconds.
sighing, you pull your feet out of the heels you’re wearing and wiggle your toes. baekhyun glances over at you, but goes back to gazing out of the window once he sees that you’re fine. you know as much about him as he’s let you; he’s 31, lives alone, and likes dogs. he's kept it pretty surface level with you, and it makes sense because his job is to protect you, not to be your friend.
but sometimes, you wish he'd let you in more, would talk to you more. like now; but he's too busy brooding in his seat to talk. you let out a little breath and look out your own window. you spot a fast food restaurant and smile. "excuse me? could you pull over there?" you ask your driver, leaning over the middle console. he nods and you sit back in your chair.
"where do you want to go?" baekhyun asks, looking over at you. he always has a hard stare in his eyes, ever since he was hired seven years ago. they're always daring somebody to mess with him, to mess with you. his eyes bore into yours and you give him a small smile and tell him. baekhyun grunts as if to say 'ok', and turns back to the window.
like mentioned, he's not a man of many words.
over the course of these seven years, you've grown fond of him, grateful for him for caring about you more than you feel like he should. he cares about you—for you—in a way you don't think anybody else has. he'd put his life on the line for yours. and maybe it could be called a crush. maybe.
the driver pulls the car into the fast food lot, and you ask him to pull over and let you out. “what are you doing?” baekhyun asks, looking at you, his eyes narrowed.
“inside?” you say, pointing with your thumb to the restaurant. he shakes his head and you sigh. “it’ll be quick. i swear.” you say.
baekhyun shakes his head and leans forward. “no, y/n. sir, take us through the drive through, please,” he says, and cuts his eyes at you, daring you to tell him otherwise. but you know you ultimately call the shots, and so pop your seatbelt off, daring him to not follow after you, because you know he has to and will.
the driver doesn’t move, just unlocks the door and lets you get out, baekhyun in tow. you gather your dramatically poofy ballgown in your hands so it doesn’t drag on the pavement. you nearly jump when baekhyun gently, but firmly, grabs onto you elbow and leads you inside, blockading you with his body from everybody in the restaurant.
the attention isn’t immediate because of him protecting you, but once you’ve been spotted, it becomes a mini swarm. baekhyun barks orders at people to back away from you and to give you space, and while he does that, you manage to order food for the both of you. you’re not really sure what he likes, so you get the same thing for the both of you, sans drinks.
after you order, the swarm seems to grow, but bakehyun still forces people away. you didn’t think it would be that big of a deal, but like always, you underestimate just how famous you are. sometimes you just truly want to be a normal 26 year old, doing normal 26 year old things, but the lifestyle you live doesn’t warrant that.
when your order is called, the person behind the counter thanks you for coming in and asks for a photo, which you graciously say yes to and pose. one selfie leads to several people shouting your name for one, one person even running around bakehyun and the crowd to get to you.
they grab your arm and shove a camera in your face, a big smile on their lips. you smile and try to pull your arm away, but they only hold on tighter. panic signals go off and you grimace, your eyes looking around for baekhyun who wards off people, his back to you.
all you wanted was food, and to maybe say hello to some fans, but now a surge of anxiety is coursing through your body and your chest feels tight and the lights are too bright and everyone’s voices are too loud. you want to scream, but you know you can’t, and their grip on your arm is too tight and there are too many phones out. you feel like a zoo animal, and all you wanted was fast food.
you hardly register baekhyun appearing before you, his hand on the shoulder of the person who was previously holding onto you, their grip taken away by baekhyun who shoves them away from you. baekhyun grabs onto your waist and pull you out and away from the restaurant, and all but throws you into the car. you don’t even have your food that you ordered, but you don’t even care. you can hear your heartbeat in your ears, and your skin feels like it’s too much for your body.
baekhyun stews in the corner, practically turned all the way around so his back is facing you. he stares out the window, a fist clenched on his leg. he’s pissed; at you and your stubbornness, the swarm, the situation. you weren’t prepared to go in there with just him, you needed st least one more form of security with you.
you make it back to the hotel quicker than you expected, and get out. you thank your driver and then baekhyun leads you into the hotel, a hand on your back.
he leads you to the elevator, where he finally lets go of you and puts a few feet of distance between you guys. you sniffle as you wait for the elevator to arrive, wiping under your eyes. it still feels like there is a weight on your chest.
you step into the elevator when the doors slide open, and lean against the wall. baekhyun presses the floor you’re both staying on, and stands in front of the door with his hands clasped in front of him.
when the doors open on your floor, baekhyun steps out and waits for you to do the same. his hand is back to its place on you, guiding you through the hall to your room. you pull your key out of your clutch and let yourself in. “could you unzip my dress for me, please?” you ask, stepping out of your heels and tossing your clutch on the bed.
baekhyun curtly nods and steps into your room, letting the door close behind him. you turn around and wait for him to grab ahold of the zipper. you hardly feel him behind you, only when the material of the dress doesn’t feel so tight and your back gets cold. you hold the front of your dress so it doesn’t fall, and you thank him before going into the bathroom to change.
you step out of your dress and pull on a bathrobe securing it tightly. you grab a makeup wipe and wash off your face, discarding it in the trash when you’re done.
you leave your dress in a heap on the floor and exit the bathroom, not expecting baekhyun to still be in your room. big he is, awkwardly lingering by the door with his hands in his pockets.
he looks over at you when the bathroom door closes. “are you… are you alright?” he asks, clearing he throat. you shake your head and he rolls his shoulders back. “are you going to be alright? do i need to call jangmi?” he asks. jangmi is your manager, and she definitely cannot know about you minor anxiety attack earlier.
you shake your head again, staring over at baekhyun. he looks down at his shoes and looks back up, like there’s something he wants to say. “i’m gonna head out,” he says at last. he pulls open the door and you stay standing in the middle of the room.
“thanks for… earlier,” you say and he stops to run to face you.
“it’s my job,” he says simply, and you nod. that’s all you are to him; a job, a task. a problem. but to you, he’s a protector, someone you care deeply for because he has to care about you. for you, it happened naturally. for him, you wrote his checks. “goodnight, y/n.” baekhyun says.
“wait,” you cross the threshold to him, holding the door open. he stops and looks down at you, his signature look on his face: stoic, unreadable. “can you stay with me? just for a little bit?” you ask, hating the vulnerability in your voice.
bakehyun surveys you, taking in your mental state and the tone of your voice. this definitely goes beyond the description of his job, providing comfort, rather than safety. but he can’t help the soft spot that he has for you, the one he’s had for you for a long time now.
he nods, once, twice, and then takes a step towards you, making you move out of the way so he can enter.
you let out a breath of relief, and follow him to the small hotel table. he takes one of the chairs, moving it a few feet away while you take the other, bringing your feet up onto the chair.
baekhyun watches you from the other side of the table—not in a creepy way, or like he’s assessing you, but like he’s waiting for you to make the first move, or say something. but you dont. you want company, not necessarily conversation. so you only look back at him.
you revel in how you still feel completely safe with him, when maybe you should be on edge about being in such an intimate space alone together. even his piercing gaze is comforting.
baekhyun stays with you throughout the rest of the night, the two of you moving in mostly silence, even when you order room service. and it’s only when you lay down, and he can confirm that you’re asleep, does he slip out of your room. but not before he leaves a note that says: sleep well. hope you feel better —B.
#exo#exo imagines#exo scenarios#exo x reader#exo x you#exo baekhyun#baekhyun fluff#baekhyun x reader#baekhyun scenario#baekhyun angst#baekhyun fic#baekhyun fanfic#baekhyun imagine
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That's everyone. Time to check out the Favor Tree, then we're on to the Clocktower meetup.
So how's this work? Do I just tell the tree what I want? Do I yank off a leaf and then write my request on it?
I dunno. Given that the rules are lax enough that a Favor Tree is as simple as "the biggest tree nearby" I think there's probably some leeway here. There may not be any particular rules for how we're supposed to pray to it.
Then again, that is the kind of logic that leads to the Bystander Effect. If everybody thinks like that and then nobody wishes for Vaugarde's salvation, that's a whoopsy-doodle. So it's better to inconvenience myself, at the risk of redundancy, for the sake of locking in aid for people in crisis.
Of course, it's not impossible to have your cake and eat it when it comes to wish-granting. All of these potential wishes are things that my team wants to do once the King has been defeated. Granting a wish for these things necessarily requires that Vaugarde be saved.
Therefore, I can wish for something for myself that nonetheless adds the strength of my wish to whatever existing pool of wishes towards Vaugarde's salvation already exists! This is what we call "gaming the system".
And while I wish the best for everyone, there is one person whose desires matter more than anybody else's.
Odile, Maribelle, and Isabeau all have dreams and ambitions for the future. That's great. I'm happy for them. But Bonnie doesn't. Bonnie has trauma. If I'm going to spend a wish on anyone, it's going to be for Bonnie to be healed.
If only one of us can have what they want, it should be them. A lost child's wish to save their family is worth more than gold.
Okay PARTY TIME
Alright y'all, come clean. Who ripped the bread in half and just left it on the table like that?
Or. Wait. Is that the bread, of "breaking bread"? Did we literally break bread? And then not eat it?
Are... are you supposed to eat it? Is it rude to break the bread and then not eat it? Or is it sacrilegious to eat broken bread? I feel like the bread's just going to waste if you don't eat it. But maybe it's a holy gesture? Maybe the act of letting the bread go stale... symbolizes its Change from a state of freshness to a state of badness.
Or maybe one of us here is just a dipshit who doesn't understand the phrase. Looking at you, Isa. On the "Risk of Dipshit" Scale, you're Suspect #2.
Suspect #1 is me but I'm, like, 65% sure I didn't do it.
You made the entire feast all by yourself? I am simultaneously very impressed with you and also tremendously disappointed in the rest of us. Four grown-ass adults and not one of us pitched in to assist the child in the kitchen. I am ashamed of every single one of us.
SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH
Uh. No. Appreciate the sentiment but you're wrong. I don't know if you have Pocket Notes on the stakes of this thing but "Everyone dies tomorrow" isn't something people get to opt out of.
I know you don't want to think of membership in this crew as compulsory but... it kind of is. Our options are "Roll the dice tomorrow" or "Find a nice place to die". The latter of which is something most of the town is actively preparing for.
People are capable of tremendous acts of selfless courage when they have no hope of survival. With that in mind, I intend to be very brave tomorrow. There's only one place to do that.
You know, I'm used to rousing campfire speeches having a lot more swearing, raging narcissism, and thematically inappropriate criminality. But this is nice too. All-a y'all are swell. I'm happy to be a part of this.
My dude, I was wide awake. I slept all day today. I was just trying to be politely still so everyone else can sleep, while quietly going over Rock Paper Scissors strategies in my head.
The trick is to not throw the wrong symbol. But to make them think you're going to throw the wrong symbol, so they play into your hands when you throw the right symbol. *sage wisdom*
I love you too, man. Still making sense of things too much to decide if that's romantic or platonic but one way or another we're tight.
Mm. Pillow beats Rock. Good to know. See, that is why I've been silently reviewing Rock Paper Scissors strategies.
Good night, Isa. We'll continue this talk on the day after tomorrow, so long as it comes to pass.
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Hi! I noticed that your requests were open and I really love your writings! I was wondering if possible could you do a Jumin and Saeran x reader (separately) Soulmate AU if you can? It’s fine if not but if you do thank you! And I hope you have a good day/night!
So, funny story: this was supposed to be done by the start of this week! Turns out I love the concept of soulmates way more than I originally thought, so I hope you don't mind this being pretty long ':D
Jumin
Soulmate concept: You have a mark of the first letter of your soulmate’s name on your wrist.
Jumin never liked looking at the small single-letter mark that was forever etched onto the underside of his wrist. It's not that it looked weird or unpleasant to him, quite the opposite actually. It was almost frustrating just how perfectly it fit in there, no matter how hard he would try to ignore it. No, the reason why he would always cover his wrists up with long-sleeved business suits was that he absolutely refused to accept the idea of a soulmate. At least, in a traditional sense that his father would explain it to him.
And how could he not? With the way his father would latch onto anybody whose name began with that cursed letter that was embedded onto his wrist, the idea of doing the same was borderline sickening to Jumin. In some ironic sense, by trying to find your soulmate so desperately, you would lose all sense of authenticity in your relationships. It was all about finding that so-called 'the one'.
Why would he care about that? He had Jihyun: his childhood friend of many years with whom he shared countless of precious memories to reminisce about. His memory was so precise, he could write an entire book about their friendship if put his mind to it. He had Rika, before tragically losing her along with everyone else in the RFA. If there really was such a thing as a soulmate, he thought Rika was the closest thing he ever got to it. Her name did not begin with the same letter as the one that could be seen on his wrist... But, he foolishly hoped that her real name would surprise him. Rika was the first woman in his lifetime who saw the tangled mess of threads that he had so meticulously hidden away in the deepest parts of his conscience. She saw it. And, she accepted it.
Of course, Rika was happily engaged to another. His precious best friend, nonetheless. The last thing Jumin would do is ruin the happiness of those few he holds dear. He's not his father. Besides, he has Elizabeth the 3rd. She's all the company he needs at the end of a particularly stressful day. She never judges him, and she would never go somewhere he couldn't find her.
He was fine with his current life.
By the time you came into the picture like a hurricane, Jumin was certain he would go through his entire life without worrying about that mark ever again. Surely it was just a coincidence that your name began with the very same letter as his mark. And, of course, your lovely personality and good heart were the only reasons behind his growing attachment to you the longer you two talked through your first days in their organization. What else could it be? You were a thoughtful and compassionate person. That's all there is to it.
Oh, how mortified he was when he first saw your uncovered wrist with the visible 'J' etched onto it.
You were asleep at the time, looking way too adorable for your own good as you curled into your blankets like Elizabeth the 3rd would often do as well. He didn't mean to look. Truth is, he had no idea what pushed him to gently take hold of your hand and gaze upon your wrist.
There were a lot of things he couldn't understand. And you were in the center of it all. He wanted to understand you. He wanted to understand the strange and captivating effects your every action would have on his conscience. And... most of all, he wanted to understand his own heart.
Maybe it's because, much like Rika once did, you saw the tangled threads of his heart: weaved together so tightly, it was practically impossible to discern where each thread would begin, and where it would end. He stopped trying to untangle them a long time ago. But, you were different from Rika. Ever since you met him face-to-face, you started trying to untangle those threads of his. With every kind word of yours, with every caring touch and patient gaze, you would gently detangle each tiny knot one by one. And, what shook him most of all is that...
It didn't hurt.
Was it really you helping him figure out his own detached heart, or were you just motivating him to search for those answers on his own? Jumin didn't know. All he did know at this very moment, as he stared at that single letter visible on the soft skin of your wrist, is that he felt strangely... hopeful. Just because both of your names fitted the letters of your soulmate marks didn't mean anything... It could be a mere coincidence. And yet, he couldn't logic his way out of this. Not anymore.
"Jumin...?"
He almost jumped as you suddenly opened your eyes and looked up at him with a groggy look crossing over your features. Damn it. He shouldn't have disturbed your sleep like that.
"I apologize." He swiftly let go of your wrist, absent-mindedly rubbing his fingers together without even thinking about it. "I didn't mean to wake you."
You let out a small sleepy groan, slowly sitting up in bed as you let your blanket clumsily fall from your shoulder. He tried his hardest to ignore the unfamiliar warmth in his cheeks as he took in your slightly disheveled appearance and drowsy eyes.
He wanted to touch your hair... Was it soft? It looked soft. Even when it was all messy like that.
"What were you looking at?" You asked, shifting your attention to your wrist. Some part of him wanted to change the subject, but no words came out. When was the last time he found himself so frozen on the spot? You momentarily met his gaze, a sense of understanding flashing through your eyes. Ah, so clever, as always. "Oh... Was it this?"
You caressed your soulmate's mark with the tip of your thumb, a thoughtful hum emitting from your throat. For some reason, this one simple action made his breath get caught in his throat. Before he could even think about it, Jumin reached out with his own hand, gently taking hold of your wrist again. You didn't seem to mind, just raising your eyes back up at his face as he crouched down in front of the guest bed. He let out a breath. "Yes. I just..."
He trailed off, not really knowing what he wanted to say. He decided to change the subject instead.
"...Do you believe in it?"
"In what? Soulmates?" You asked, sounding a bit puzzled as you tilted your head to the side. He drummed his fingertips against your wrist, finding this action to be oddly comforting.
"Yes."
A moment of silence passed, one that felt way longer than it actually was. Finally, you shrugged. "I don't deny it... But, It's not like finding a soulmate is all that matters in life. I'd like to believe that I will find my soulmate, whoever it is, once the time is right. Until then, I will focus on flourishing in my own way."
The smile you gave him made his chest fill up with ticklish warmth. You were truly such an admirable person. He couldn't help but be so very enamored by you. You shone so brightly, both on your own and with other people around you. Your heart was open to the world, but it was strong enough to sustain you independently. You didn't need anyone to be fulfilled, but you knew the importance of meaningful connections, and you cherished every single one of them. In Jumin's eyes, you were perfectly imperfect in that way.
"Do you believe in soulmates, Jumin?" You brought him back from his thoughts with your question, one of your hands now lightly pressing atop of his. Almost like you were testing the waters. He let it stay there.
Still, your question made him suck in a breath and look away, despite his every cell practically screaming at him to keep on looking into your eyes. "...I don't know. I never understood why everyone around me was so obsessed with finding their soulmate. My father would jump at every person whose name would begin with that cursed letter, no matter what it meant for me or anyone in the company. I think... love should be voluntary, not forced on you by some invisible force."
He could see you nodding out of the corner of his eyes. And then, he felt your thumb gently caressing the palm of his hand, this single touch making him shiver. God, what were you doing to him...?
"You have a very good point... But, I don't think a soulmate bond means that you will instantly be head over heels towards each other." You mumbled. Your words made him pause as he mulled over your point of view. Eventually, he turned back to look at you, feeling more comfortable discussing this touchy subject. He wanted to hear your thoughts. Talking to you was always so insightful and comfortable. Another thing he appreciated about you.
"Then... What do you think it means?"
You hummed. "I think... It just means that this person is your perfect match. But, this doesn't mean that just meeting them is all there is to it. You still have to learn and grow together... work on loving and understanding each other one step at a time. Does this even make sense?"
Another long pause followed as he let your words sink in for a moment.
"What if... I was your soulmate?"
Saeran
Soulmate concept: When one soulmate feels pain, the other does too
Your soulmate had to be the saddest person on this entire Earth.
It started out from such an early age, you were sure your parents were deeply concerned for you at the time. For as long as you could remember yourself, you felt it. Your soulmate would get hurt almost every day, and you had no choice but to adapt to it. At first, you were confused, upset, frustrated. And, who could blame you? You were just a kid. You couldn't possibly comprehend what you were feeling or why. You just knew it was bad, and you didn't like it.
At first, you were angry.
While your parents explained to you the concept of soulmates in the simplest way they could to someone so terribly young, you still found it so very unfair. Nobody around you seemed to struggle as much as you did. Maybe one of your playmates would suddenly start crying over an uncomfortable burning in their knee, or a stomachache, but... for you, it was very different. You felt uncomfortable and sickly almost every day. And, you had no choice but to adapt to it, whether you wanted to or not. All you could find solace in was the comforting touch of your parents as they would share a worried look, while you would curl up on their lap, whimpering about feeling so hungry and thirsty, but not actually wanting to eat or drink yourself, because it wasn't your hunger or thirst you were experiencing.
With age, came understanding.
As you grew up, you learned about how the soulmate bond would work in a more complex way than what you thought of it before. You understood that your soulmate was hurting. That they were probably very sad. And unable to do anything to change that. Your anger was replaced by sympathy. How could it be that your soulmate was growing up like this? How can that be fair? Or unchanging for so many years? You found yourself being very careful about getting hurt as you grew up. Your soulmate was already in so much pain... You didn't want them to suffer any more than they already did.
And then, came acceptance.
As years passed by, you learned a certain pattern of sorts. You learn to work around it. You learned to expect it. Your soulmate would get hurt every other week it seemed, although you couldn't really figure out if someone was hitting them, or they just were very unlucky in terms of coordination. In your teen years, something new came. You hated when something new would happen. You couldn't really figure out what it was. It was dizzying and confusing, almost like having a very mild migraine of sorts, but very far from it all the same. You would feel your head get all foggy, your throat tingling like you accidentally swallowed something very hot and spicy, and your stomach would feel achy and uncomfortable for the entirety of that day. You didn't like when that happened. But, it was something new you had to get used to now.
Just when would they finally stop hurting...?
Soulmates would share their pain with each other. It's something that was supposed to bring comfort and solace to those suffering from it. Knowing that, no matter how hard it would get, they were never truly alone. That sentimental concept, however, would shatter completely once you start thinking about other things than just mundane types of pain a perfectly healthy human being would deal with. You knew you were not alone in your predicament. Lots of people shared the similarities of your situation. But... it didn't make it any easier. Of course, you would never be able to feel the direct pain your soulmate was going through. It was just an... uncomfortable dulled out reflection of it.
When your soulmate would get hit, you would feel a sharp jolt in that same area, making you stumble a bit. Sometimes, it would even knock the air out of you, particularly whenever your soulmate would get hit in the chest. Every few months, your scalp would itch uncomfortably, making you huff and curse as you tried to ignore the irritating burning feeling the best you could. It reminded you of that one time you accidentally used too much bleach on your hair in an unfortunate hairstyling accident. You wondered why it reminded you so much of it. Surely your soulmate wouldn't fry their hair off every single time they wanted to dye their hair, right?
With how observant you've grown over the years, it didn't take you long to realize that Ray was, in fact, your soulmate. Actually, you figured it out on the third day of your stay in this place. It was obvious. Your head would ache annoyingly at the same time as him mentioning a migraine, and your fingertips would itch as you saw him nervously biting at his gloved fingers when he thought you weren't looking. That, topped over with the way you felt naturally drawn to him, made it fairly clear what was really going on here. Still, you decided not to bring it up with him.
Not yet, at least.
You cared for Ray, both because of him being your soulmate and because of your genuine affection towards him. Your affection, however, never clouded your logic. You knew that he was hiding something from you, that there was more to this place than he let on. And... you weren't sure how he would react if he found out about your soulmate bond to each other. He seemed rather attached to you... Sometimes, it was sweet and lovely. But, sometimes, it would make your heart ache as you wondered... just what did he have to go through to think so lowly of himself? To grow so desperate for companionship?
Desperation would often lead to rash decisions. Which is exactly why you were being patient. You would tell him, eventually. You just needed him to trust you more, and you wanted to grow to know him on a deeper level. You wouldn't leave his side, of that you were certain.
But... things didn't quite... went according to plan.
Yesterday, you accidentally tripped over the carpet and hit the edge of the bed with your hip quite badly. You wouldn't be surprised to see a huge purple bruise on that very same spot, to be completely honest. Surely, Ray felt that. You felt a bit bad for causing him this discomfort. This is exactly why you were being extra cheerful to him on your walk through the garden today, trying to conceal the way you would occasionally limp once you put your foot in the wrong way. It wasn't painful or anything... but, it was uncomfortable. Sadly, Ray didn't seem to buy it. Or, at least, judging by the worried look in his piercing mint eyes.
He suddenly stopped walking, just staring you down, a whole mix of conflicting emotions swirling in his gaze, making it hard for you to distinguish what is it that he was feeling at this moment. It made you a bit nervous, quite frankly. But, you tried not to make your soft smile falter. "Is something wrong?"
"You're hiding something from me."
You blinked, a bit taken aback by just how blunt he came off. He didn't sound angry or suspicious per se... You couldn't really figure out what he was thinking. You haven't seen Ray like this before. Or, at least... without him trying to hide it. You let out a breath before giving him your reply, picking your words carefully as you did. "What do you mean?"
You could see him pursing his lips, his fingers twitching as he mulled over his thoughts. He seemed a bit frustrated. Like he didn't really know what he wanted to say. It definitely made him look a bit paranoid, and you couldn't blame him. "I just... Please, you must tell me if there's something on your mind. You must. You trust me, right?"
...Did he not know the reason behind his suspicions himself?
"Of course I trust you... Ray, is something bothering you?" You tried a softer approach, hoping to get to the source of this.
He darted his eyes around the garden, not really focusing on anything in particular. Yeah, he was definitely feeling nervous. "I don't... You didn't answer my question. You're not hiding anything from me, are you?"
It seems like both of you were just going in circles. But, what else could you say? You were starting to feel a bit confused yourself. What was this about, exactly?
"Not that I know of... Say, how about we talk about this back in my room? Maybe we'll figure something out. I don't like seeing you so nervous."
You didn't mention the fact that there would be fewer ears listening in on your conversation in there. Either way, he seemed to consider your suggestion before nodding and offering you his glowed hand, which you quickly took.
"...Yes, that sounds wonderful. Thank you, Y/N." He gave you a small but genuine smile that made your heart skip a beat for a moment. He looked so pretty when he smiled...
But, as your thoughts drifted somewhere far away, centered only around Ray's delicate facial features, you completely forgot about your hip. One clumsy step and you instinctively winced, quickly placing your foot into a different position. This, however, made Ray freeze again, his hold on your hand tightening. You didn't know whether it was due to him automatically trying to hold onto you in case you would trip, or... Well, the other option concerning that special bond of yours.
"...Are you hurt?"
This time, it was your turn to avert your gaze. You rubbed the back of your neck awkwardly. "Ah, it's... it's nothing. Just a bruise."
"A bruise?"
Oh, God, he sounded rather... intense. You didn't know how to respond to that. You felt him take a step closer, your breath getting caught up in your throat as he did. "Where is it?"
...Should you tell him? That didn't sound like a question, more like a demand. You hesitated, unsure whether or not you should just make up some excuse. Was this really the right time to reveal that you were, in fact, his soulmate? You didn't know. You weren't ready for this turn of events at all.
"I, uh... It's nothing. I just tripped over the carpet yesterday. It's not serious, I'm just a bit sore." That was vague enough, but truthful nonetheless. You hoped your answer would suffice. Judging by the deeply troubled look on Ray's face, your hopes wouldn't be met.
Geez, he was acting like you broke your leg or something!
"Let me see." His grip on your hand tightened again as he took yet another step closer, bringing your bodies together in a way that was definitely beyond just colleagues or friends hanging out. You gulped. Again, he didn't sound angry, but... firm. A side of him you were not used to whatsoever. Still, strangely enough, it made your cheeks burn. Especially when you remembered where this bruise was exactly.
"N-no..." You shook your head, averting your gaze from him nervously. Well, there's no winning this. You'll just have to come clean. You certainly did not want Ray to get even more paranoid than he already was. "It's... It's on my hip, alright? So, it'll be... a bit embarrassing to show you, if you know what I mean."
A choked gasp was all you heard, his fingers quivering where they grasped onto your hand. Did he figure it out? You were too anxious to ask.
"Your... Your hip? You said you... you got this bruise yesterday?" He muttered, sounding both nervous and hopeful at the same time. He gently nudged you a bit closer, tilting his head to presumably take a look at your eyes. "Please... Please look at me, okay, Y/N? This is... This is important."
Of course it was important. You swallowed, feeling your heart picking up the pace as you did turn to meet his gaze. Honestly, it made your knees feel weak with just how many emotions he was looking at you. He looked like he was about to cry or laugh, or faint, and you were not sure which one of these options he would take.
You decided to just be upfront about it now. "...Did you feel it?"
His eyes widened, another strangled breath falling from his lips as he began to tremble, overwhelmed with so many different emotions. You didn't have to spell it out to him. It was obvious. This time, it was your turn to hold onto him. You had no idea what would happen after you utter those words... But, you knew there was no way around it. You were meant to meet one another. You were determined to see it through, no matter what secrets this boy kept hidden in his heart.
"You're my soulmate, Ray."
#mystic messenger#mysmes#mysme#mm#jumin han#han jumin#mystic messenger jumin#jumin x reader#ray choi#saeran choi#choi saeran#mystic messenger ray#ray x reader#BOY did i not expect to sit on this writing nonstop for like 2 or so hours a few days in a row#in a good way!#my creative juices were flowing! so to speak#also did i write jumin stimming? yes yes i did and i will do that again#OOF time for my fingers to rest#also a bit of danger ray?#more likely than you'd think!
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Don't You Forget About Me
Part One
Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x Jake 'Hangman' Seresin
Description: Sometimes the most unlikely encounters with people have an immeasurable effect on your life. For Bradley Bradshaw, life at 22 right after graduating from college is far different than he ever thought it would be. It kind of seems like his whole life hasn't gone according to plan. No parents, no support system, just one man and his dad's old Bronco against the world. A chance meeting with a blond-haired teenage menace in Texas may just change everything, shaping his future in a way he never would have expected.
Disclaimer: This is a Hangster story -> What you see is what you get, folks. Slight mention of homophobic/ lgbtq+ phobic family members.
Word Count: 3624
Author's Note: Hiya! I wrote this fic for @roosterforme's Top Gun Rocktober Event based on the song Don't You Forget About Me by the Simple Minds. Everything about it just screamed Hangster when I listened to it again. As anybody who knows me or has read my works can surmise... I can be quite long-winded so what was supposed to be a quick blurb turned into a short two-part series. I hope you all love this fic! (Also I'm self conscious about this one because I do not write in first person. It's surprisingly hard so I'd love any feedback if you've got it!)
It's dark and smoky and loud in here and I can't believe that I let Jessica and David drag me to this party. They've long since disappeared into the crush and left me on the under-stuffed chintz armchair in some frat house’s living room. It doesn't help that I haven't been to Texas in years and I feel even more like I’m out of my depths because of it. My mom grew up here, and most of her family is still here. But she's not. In the years since I graduated from high school, I've turned hundreds of times, looking for her sweet smile, searching for her to take solace in. But she's not exactly on this mortal plane anymore. Neither of my parents are. And the closest thing I've ever had to a dad fucked off after destroying my dreams.
It fills me with an unreasonable rage every time I think about it. I know Virginia, I've lived in Virginia for years, putting myself through school in Charlottesville while working single-mindedly to get into the US Navy. I’m so close to flight school that I can taste it. I just need to get through Officer Candidate School in Rhode Island now that I’ve graduated. One final summer of building my savings by working odd jobs and I’d be free. Or so I thought.
Then, I received a notice telling me my apartment building needed to be tented for termites. My lease was only valid until I left for OCS, anyway. I debated living out of my dad's car, now mine, until I had to be in Rhode Island. That’s when I received a letter from Stephanie Williams, my mom’s cousin, inviting me to spend the summer in Texas. Driving to Texas is far from convenient, but I haven't spent any time around my family, no matter how distant they may be, in so long. And, I’m kind of homesick - homesick for the sense of camaraderie, of walking into the house after baseball practice or school and hearing anyone in the house besides myself.
Jessica and David, Stephanie’s kids, are as nice as their mom. They both attend the University of Texas, but it still feels like there is a distance between us. They can't understand the drive burning in me about the Navy, how I need to do well at OCS, how I need to become an aviator, how I need to be better than anyone else. Aunt Steph doesn't really get it either if the way she practically pushed me out the door when Jess and David mentioned the party is any indication.
It doesn't help that I'm only a week from reporting to OCS, either. I know it’s not flight school, not yet, but I know I need to study more than I need to be in this stupid little ramshackle frat house on Greek Row. The beer’s watered down and warm, tasting like piss in my mouth. Normally, I’d be right in the center of the makeshift dance floor grinding up against the scantily clad girls in sight, most of them wearing bikinis, but not tonight.
I just want to go home again, but that’s not possible. It hasn't been for years. I leave the mostly full beer behind and search for Jess and David. There are hundreds of drunk kids in the house, and it doesn’t matter at all that I’m taller than most of them, not when people are dancing on the tables and licking alcohol off of each other. I feel like I’m suffocating. The entire house stinks of cigarette smoke, alcohol, and sweat. It takes fifteen minutes to look for either of them in the basement. When I’m halfway up the stairs, I’m tempted to leave them here and drive by in the morning to get them. But Aunt Steph would hate that.
The first floor is even worse than the basement. There may not be anybody dancing on the tables, but there is far more clothing being thrown about. It looks like there’s a drunken orgy happening in the living room on the floor. The carpet isn’t all that clean, to begin with, and add bodily fluids to it, and I nearly hurl on the spot.
If this is what I’ve missed out on in the traditional college experience, well, I don’t want it, not at all. Thankfully, I don’t have to see either of my cousins naked and that eliminates the kitchen and living area entirely. All I have left are the bedrooms above. Just walking up the stairs, I can hear the creaking of bedsprings and lusty moans. It sounds like a contagious disease waiting to happen, and I don’t make it past the top step.
That’s it. I can’t search for Jess or David anymore and I fight my way to the front door while trying to ignore the tits that seem to get shoved into my face every few steps. As I open the door, a body slams right into me. It’s a kid, gangly and blond, knobby shoulders protruding sharply through the fabric of the worn t-shirt he’s wearing.
“Watch where you’re going, asshole!” I can’t help the chuckle pouring out of my mouth. I’ve got at least 8 inches in height on him and I could easily break him into two if I wanted to. He must be ninety pounds soaking wet and his indignation is about as intimidating as an angry chihuahua. But I’m not looking for a fight, so I just move out of the way. Something about his angry green eyes and how they glow in the fresh night air is oddly captivating. I’m honestly not expecting to see him again, but just as I reach the Bronco and open the door, I see the same person get bodily chucked out of the house.
He’s shouting expletives into the night air, and when his anger runs out, he hunches his shoulders and stomps in my direction. Of course, a snarl rips out of his mouth the moment he sees me.
“What, asshole? Haven’t you seen someone get kicked out of a party by a bunch of dicks before?”
“I have, kid. But I wanted to know if you were okay. Your knuckles look rough.” It’s true. His knuckles are bloody and bruised like he’s been punching something hard with no control. Those are going to sting like a bitch in the morning.
He snorts and must see something unassuming in my face because he uncrosses his arms and says, “I’m not a kid, I'm seventeen.” He’s a little young to be running around the UT campus and getting thrown out of parties, but I have the feeling if I say anything, he’ll probably just jump down my throat again. “I’m Jake.”
“Bradley.” I grin back. “Get in.”
“I don’t know how to tell you this, but I don’t get into cars with strangers.” He’s quick-witted, that’s for sure.
“No.” If my eyes roll as I look at Jake, that’s just between him and me. He must feel like shit if he hasn’t called me out for it yet. “I have a first aid kit in the glove box. I wanted to look at your knuckles before they scab over.” Jake looks shocked. I can almost see the gears grinding in his head as he thinks my words over.
“Move over.” I have to hide my grin until he’s safely in the passenger seat. I don’t know why it feels like such a victory, having this stranger accept my help. I leave the door open and lean in. He smells coffee and spice with an undertone of musk, sitting in my passenger seat with his eyes looking far too green in the low light.
“You don’t go to UT, do you?” Instead of responding, I just pop open the glove compartment and tug out the med kit.
“So what is this, Bradley?” He sounds disgruntled. “No answers without you taking care of my hands?”
I just hold my hand out until he puts his into mine. It’s a long-fingered hand, thin and bony. No well-fed eighteen-year-old boy has hands that look like this. Hands that look like they’ve been working every day of their life. I want to know why Jake’s got such a big chip on his shoulder and why someone so young has hands that look so worn.
“I’m really alright, you know?” I’m as gentle as I can be, patting at scraped knuckles with an isopropyl alcohol soaked cotton ball. Jake may talk a big game, but he’s wincing with each word.
“Who’d you punch to fuck up your knuckles so badly?”
“My asshole ex-boyfriend. He was cheating on me with one of his teammates. And I just found out today.” Jake’s voice chokes on a sob, and I can’t help the twinge of sympathy that goes through me at his words. Maybe I’m too quiet, because there’s a sharp tug on my sleeve.
“D’you have a problem with that?” Jake’s glaring at me, and it takes me longer than it usually would for me to figure out why.
“About the fact that you had a boyfriend?” He nods, the movement jerky and sharp. “Why would I care about that? You love who you love, that’s it.”
He looks blown away by my immediate acceptance of who he is. But Jake seems uncomfortable at the same time, uncomfortable enough that he changes the subject. “You never answered me earlier. You don’t go to school at UT.”
“No, I don’t.” I collect the trash into a small ball and put the kit away again. It feels weird to stand out in the night and talk when I have a perfectly good driver’s seat right on the other side of the car. I can already see a hundred questions on the tip of Jake’s tongue, so I hold one hand up and point to the trash bin nearby. I can feel every bit of his gaze on my back as I lope to the can and back, opting this time to get into the driver’s seat. Of course, no sooner am I buckled in, Jake’s looking right at me.
“Why are you here, then? Why were you at that party tonight?” I can hear the naked curiosity in his tone.
“I’m staying with some of my mom’s family over the summer. A couple of my relatives go to UT for school and invited me to the party. I just graduated from college and I’m joining the Navy in a week.” It sounds so real as I say the words. They sound equally real, it looks like, to Jake.
“Why the Navy?" I haven't felt like I'm the focus of another person in a long time. I feel flayed open, horribly, uncomfortably, seen.
My voice is quiet, a little rough, a little raw as I say, "My dad was in the Navy."
"What did he do?" I blink a little, not expecting this question so soon. Normally people want to know why my dad was in the Navy, in the past tense. They want to know what happened to him. They never want to know what he did or anything else about him.
"He was a Naval Aviator, a Radar Intercept Officer, to be specific." It makes me smile, like always, remembering my dad.
"What does a Radar Intercept Whatsit do?" Jake's nearly open-mouthed in the passenger seat, body turned my way in a jumble of limbs that looks nearly too cramped to be comfortable, beat up sneakers on the floor and wholly fascinated by every word pouring out of my mouth. That's unique too. I've never felt this rush, this instant connection before with anybody.
"A Radar Intercept Officer," I repeat, earning myself an eye roll, "is the person sitting behind the pilot. They're responsible for enabling communications with ships and other jets, navigating and monitoring the radar. Pilots fly the plane, but RIOs do everything else."
"Sounds boring." I have to chuckle at that, because when he's not angrily grumbling, Jake's actually handsome. And that's not a realization I ever wanted to have about a seventeen-year-old I just met. Forget the place, there's the matter of how this is all the wrong time, too. I can't afford any distractions, not even cute little twinks with more attitude than sense. I'm joining the military for fuck's sake. Don't Ask, Don't Tell is still very strongly enforced and Jake seems like the type to bulldoze his way on base one day just for the hell of it. Better stick to talking about flying, that's all. And that’s if we manage to stay in touch until he’s actually legal, too.
"Do you want to become a RIO too?" His voice is hesitant as he sounds out the acronym.
"Nah, I've always wanted to become a pilot. Actually fly the planes, y'know?" I swear I can see literal fighter jets flying around Jake's head, he's so enraptured by the idea.
"Is it hard?"
I have to shrug at that, because maybe I just have flying in my blood. "Not any harder than learning how to drive or ride a bike - at least that's what it was like for me."
I can see Jake think of a few hundred more questions, but stop him with one of my own. "What’s a seventeen year old doing at a UT frat party?"
His nose crinkles, "Who said I’m not a student at UT?"
"Nobody. But something about you tells me that you aren’t a UT Student, even though seventeen-year-olds join universities as freshmen all the time." I’m almost afraid to see that look on his face. But instead, Jake seems to be feeling the same awe that I was earlier - horribly, uncomfortably, seen.
“Nah. I work at one of the coffee shops on campus.” No wonder he smells like cinnamon and coffee.
"But you don't want to, do you?"
His nod is sheepishly affirmative. "My uncle says I should get out of the house and do something with myself over the summer. If he had his way, when I graduate in a year I’ll be doing the same thing. But I want to do something exciting, not farm work or work in a factory or hell, even be a barista anymore. I think the Navy might be just the thing."
I have to grin at his enthusiasm. But a part of me can’t help wondering if the reason why Jake is so interested in escaping Austin is because of something else. But I’m not quite sure how to broach the topic. It’s silent and still in the car for a little bit. Jake looks like he’s thinking of what to say, and I’m struck by the halo the streetlight we’re under makes around his hair. He’s pretty, indescribably so, even with a purplish bruise rising on his cheekbone. His long lashes shine golden against the freckles dotting his cheekbones. I reach for the polaroid I always keep in the car and snap a couple of quick pictures. I hand one to Jake, but just as he’s about to ask me why I did that, I see red and blue lights in the rear view mirror and hear sirens blaring our way.
“Shit! C’mon, Bradley! Drive the car!” It takes me a few seconds to process what he’s saying but when I do, I put the car in drive and drive sedately down the street.
“What the fuck, Brad!” I haven’t heard anyone call me Brad in years. That’s what my mom called me, what Mav did too. “Drive a little bit faster, why don’t you?! You keep driving like a fucking turtle and the cops will catch us in no time flat!”
“I’m driving at the speed limit.” I chuckle at the way Jake grumbles under his breath. “The police won’t pull us over if we’re doing everything right. You probably don’t want them calling your folks to tell them you were at a party, underage where alcohol was being served and an orgy was happening on the living room floor, now do you?”
We’re thankfully able to leave the scene without any trouble, and I let Jake direct me through the late night Austin streets. It’s quiet, and in the half-light I can’t help noticing how incredibly small and delicate Jake is at this moment. He has me pull over a few blocks away.
“Do you make a habit of running from the cops?” He laughs at that, a genuine belly aching infectious cackle bursting out of his mouth.
“No, I don’t.” Something dark glows over his eyes just as easily as the laugh. “My uncle wouldn’t have been happy at all if he had gotten that call.”
I really don’t know what to say to that, so I just wait.
“My mom always says that she doesn’t know who my dad was, and well, I don’t know if you know much about conservative Texans, but that was a no-go for most of my family. She’s out of state, working in a library in North Carolina, I think? And I’m with my aunt and uncle until I turn 18.”
“I’m sure the minute that happens, I’m going to get kicked out. They didn’t approve of me just because I was born out of wedlock. They hated me even more when they found out I wasn’t exactly only into girls. My mom doesn’t know how bad it is for me here. And I’m not going to tell her either. I just don't know what to do.” He sniffles, sitting in the passenger seat, cheeks pinking in the glow of the streetlights. “I don’t really know why I’m telling you this either. But it feels like the universe wanted us to meet tonight. It feels like I can trust you.”
I’m struck dumb by those words and the butterflies swarming in my stomach. I’m flattered by his trust. It has me spilling all of my biggest secrets. I tell him more about my dad, about mom, about Mav. I tell him about my biggest victories and darkest regrets. We talk for hours, taking turns baring our souls until the sky turns gray at the edges. It's the small hours of the morning, that small section of the twilight zone where everything feels extra still. My throat is scratchy and my eyes are dry. Jake’s not much better.
The sleepy drawl in his voice makes shivers trail up and down my spine and it’s still so foreign feeling like this for someone I’ve just met. It’s a little terrifying, too. Far too soon, we’re pulling up in front of the party house.
"I should get going." A part of me wants to stop him, offer to give him a ride, anything to stay in his presence just a bit longer. But the more rational part, the one chanting US Navy and Top Gun is screaming just as vehemently no.
"Do you need a ride?" My voice is nearly too loud for this time of night.
"Nah, Bradley. I live right around the corner." Jake gives me a two-fingered salute and begins to walk away, his shoulders bowed and looking incredibly small. It's a surprise when he stops, turns back around and jogs back to the car. He flings the door open, and I'm surprised to see the two spots of pink high up on his cheeks.
"Can we stay in touch? I'd love to pick your brain about the Navy, sometime?"
I'm nodding before my common sense can speak, ignoring the insidious little voice that says, "No you won't ever see him again. You're joining the Navy."
I hand Jake a pen and a scrap of paper I found in my pockets. What I get back is his first name and a phone number. "This is my landline. See you around, Bradley?"
My reply is too quiet as I roll the syllables of his name over my tongue. By the time Jessica and David have staggered their way out to the car, I'm sure Jake was just a figment of my imagination. Two weeks later, when it's my first turn with the phones on base, I call that number. I get a message telling me that the phone number I'm calling has been disconnected. I never get rid of that note though. It's almost like something's screaming at me to remember Jake. Maybe one day I'll find him again. And who knows? Maybe he's a lot closer than I think he is.
Nine Years Later
It’s been a long road getting to Top Gun. Walking through the halls it feels like everything I’ve worked and struggled for has finally paid off. I’m a pilot, I’m talented, if I do say so myself, and there is nothing I want to do more than finally put the Bradshaw name on that trophy. Walking into the classroom that first morning, I feel like this is the start of something great. Until the first hop later that week. There’s a blond in class with an ego that cashes checks for money he doesn’t have. But he has the skill to back up his words.
“Rooster, Rooster, Rooster. Are you ever going to get off your perch?” Hangman. Even his callsign fills me with rage. I’ve never met a more annoying person in my life. But there is something about him which seems familiar. Why does Hangman of all people seem so familiar? It’s a puzzle I can’t devote any time to solving. Not when I have to knock a blond idiot down a few pegs. I wonder what the Jake I met all those years ago would think about Hangman. I hope he’s doing well, wherever he is.
Taglist:
@chaoticassidy @kmc1989 @shanimallina87 @mayhemmanaged @desert-fern @cassiemitchell @dakotakazansky @roosterforme @cherrycola27 @thedroneranger @mak-32 @beyondthesefourwalls @sarahsmi13s @horseshoegirl
I DO NOT CONSENT TO HAVE MY WORK POSTED, TRANSLATED, OR PUBLISHED ON ANY SITES OTHER THAN HERE OR ON AO3 BY ME. IF YOU SEE MY WORKS ANYWHERE OTHER THAN HERE OR AO3, THEN THEY HAVE BEEN POSTED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND I WILL BE WORKING TO TAKE THEM DOWN.
#star writes#top gun fanfic#top gun fanfiction#top gun maverick fanfic#top gun maverick fanfiction#don't you forget about me#top gun rocktober#jake hangman seresin x bradley rooster bradshaw#bradley rooster bradshaw x jake hangman seresin#hangman x rooster#rooster x hangman#jake seresin x bradley bradshaw#bradley bradshaw x jake seresin#hangster#sereshaw#this is a two parter#happening both before the boys are navy and after the Uranium Mission in TGM
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