#okay now that we are dwelling on things above (why we love beautiful men fucking each other) what next? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs | Tumgik

#okay now that we are dwelling on things above (why we love beautiful men fucking each other) what next?

whencartoonsruletheworld · 3 years

Link

Disney but just the Queer Mood™ Songs, a full Spotify Playlist

Open to updates should anyone notice a song I missed!

Tracklist with specific lyrics that fuck us all up under the cut:

KEY: A general list of which songs resonate with people. The 🏳️‍🌈is for general songs; if you relate to a song but don’t see ur emoji beneath it, send me a message and I’ll add it!

🏳️‍🌈 General Queer Anthem 🌈 Gays specifically have related to this song ❤️ Gay Men specifically have related to this song 🧡 Lesbians specifically have related to this song 💕 Bisexuals/Pansexuals specifically have related to this song 💜 Asexuals/Ace-spectrum people specifically have related to this song 💚 Aromatics/Aro-spectrum people specifically have related to this song 🤍 Trans people have specifically related to this song 🖤 Nonbinary/Genderqueer people have specifically related to this song 💗 Polyamorous people have specifically related to this song

Know Who You Are - Moana

🏳️‍🌈

They have stolen the heart from inside you But this does not define you This is not who you are You know who you are...

I Wonder - Sleeping Beauty

🌈🧡

I wonder, I wonder, I wonder why each little bird has a someone To sing to, sweet things to, A gay little love melody I wonder, I wonder, I wonder if my heart keeps singing, Will my song go winging To someone, who'll find me And bring back a love song to me...

Mother Knows Best - Tangled

🏳️‍🌈 honestly this is just... a general song for some of our shitty relationships to guardian figures...

It's a scary world out there Mother knows best One way or another Something will go wrong, I swear

Me, I'm just your mother, what do I know? I only bathed and changed and nursed you Go ahead and leave me, I deserve it Let me die alone here, be my guest When it's too late You'll see, just wait Mother knows best

Don't forget it You'll regret it...

Dangerous to Dream - Frozen Broadway Production

🏳️‍🌈

I can't be what you expect of me But I'm trying every day with all I do and do not say Here on the edge of the abyss Knowing everything in my whole life has lead to this And so I pull inside myself, close the walls, put up my guard I've practiced every single day for this So why is it so hard?

I can't dwell on what we've lost And our secrecy and silence comes at such a cost

I wish I could tell the truth Show you who's behind the door I wish you knew what all this pantomime And pageantry was for

It's dangerous to wish I could make choices of my own Dangerous to even have that thought I'm dangerous just standing here for everyone to see If I let go of rules who knows how dangerous I'd be?

Reflection - Mulan

🏳️‍🌈🤍🖤- literally everyone requested this. everyone. so im just copy-pasting the entire lyrics sorry not sorry

Look at me, I will never pass for a perfect bride Or a perfect daughter Can it be I'm not meant to play this part? Now I see that if I were truly to be myself I would break my family's heart

Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don't know? Somehow I cannot hide who I am, though I’ve tried When will my reflection show who I am inside?

How I pray that a time will come I can free myself From their expectations On that day, I'll discover someway to be myself And to make my family proud They want a docile lamb No one knows who I am Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide? Must I pretend that I'm Someone else for all time? When will my reflection show Who I am inside? When will my reflection show Who I am inside?

Everything I Ever Thought I Knew - Tangled: The Series

🏳️‍🌈 when u realize u might not be straight lol

I thought no one could love me And how could I have known? I was wrong, oh so wrong

Everything I ever thought I knew Where I've been, where I'm going Everything I counted on turned out to be untrue Could've guessed, should've known, now I do

If none of it was really me then who am I supposed to be?

I guess I'm someone else now I wonder who I am

God Help the Outcasts - Hunchback of Notre Dame

🏳️‍🌈...yeah. yeah

Yes, I know I'm just an outcast I shouldn't speak to You Still, I see Your face and wonder Were You once an outcast, too?

God help the outcasts, hungry from birth Show them the mercy they don't find on Earth God help my people, they look to You, still God help the outcasts or nobody will

I ask for nothing, I can get by But I know so many less lucky than I Please help my people, the poor and downtrod I thought we all were the children of God

Belle (Reprise) - Beauty and the Beast

🌈 when a cishet thinks ur interested smh

Madame Gaston! Can't you just see it? Madame Gaston! His little wife No, sir! Not me! I guarantee it I want much more than this provincial life!

I want adventure in the great wide somewhere I want it more than I can tell And for once it might be grand To have someone understand I want so much more than they've got planned...

Part of Your World - The Little Mermaid

🌈 SO many people requested this one guys it’s not even funny

Wandering free, wish I could be Part of that world

Betcha on land, they understand Bet they don't reprimand their daughters Bright young women, sick of swimming Ready to stand

When's it my turn? Wouldn't I love, Love to explore that shore up above?

One Jump Ahead (Reprise) - Aladdin

🏳️‍🌈

Riff-raff, street rat I don't buy that If only they'd look closer

Would they see a poor boy? No, siree They'd find out There's so much more to me...

Proud of Your Boy - Aladdin Broadway Production

🏳️‍🌈❤️🤍

That I've been one rotten kid Some son, some pride and some joy But I'll get over these lousin' up Messin' up, screwin' up times...

Water flows under the bridge Let it pass, let it go There's no good reason that you should believe me Not yet, I know, but

Someday and soon I'll make you proud of your boy Though I can't make myself taller Or smarter or handsome or wise I'll do my best, what else can I do? Since I wasn't born perfect like Dad or you...

Someone’s Waiting for You - The Rescuers

🏳️‍🌈

Be brave, little one Make a wish for each sad little tear Hold your head up though no one is near Someone's waiting for you

Always keep a little prayer in your pocket And you're sure to see the light Soon there'll be joy and happiness And your little world will be bright

Have faith, little one Til your hopes and your wishes come true

Stick to the Status Quo - High School Musical

🏳️‍🌈 🌈 YOU ALL KNOW EXACTLY WHY THIS IS HERE

No, no, no, stick to the stuff you know It is better by far to keep things as they are Don't mess with the flow, no no Stick to the status quo

Into the Unknown - Frozen 2

🏳️‍🌈

I can hear you, but I won't Some look for trouble while others don't There's a thousand reasons I should go about my day And ignore your whispers which I wish would go away

I've had my adventure, I don't need something new I'm afraid of what I'm risking if I follow you

Or are you someone out there who's a little bit like me? Who knows deep down I'm not where I'm meant to be? Every day's a little harder as I feel my power grow Don't you know there's part of me that longs to go

Where are you going? Don't leave me alone How do I follow you Into the unknown?

Go the Distance - Hercules

🏳️‍🌈

I have often dreamed of a far off place Where a great, warm welcome will be waiting for me

And a voice keeps saying This is where I'm meant to be

I am on my way, I can go the distance I don't care how far, somehow I'll be strong I know every mile will be worth my while I would go most anywhere to find where I belong

Tomorrow - Annie

🏳️‍🌈 - betcha didnt know disney had an annie movie did u

The sun will come out tomorrow Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow There'll be sun

When I'm stuck in a day that's gray and lonely, I just stick out my chin and grin and say, oh, The sun’ll come out tomorrow So you gotta hang on til tomorrow, come what may...

Learn Me Right - Brave

🏳️‍🌈💜💚

Though I may speak some tongue of old Or even spit out some holy word I have no strength with which to speak When you sit me down and see I’m weak

We will run and scream you will dance with me We'll fulfill our dreams, and we'll be free We will be who we are, and they’ll heal our scars Sadness will be far away...

Strange Sight - Tinkerbell and the Legend of the Neverbeast

🏳️‍🌈

You stand in the light You're wrong, but you're right And my heart's beating wildly Strange how I'm scared but delighted Afraid, but excited too

I will understand you Strange how I'm drawn to the danger I reach out my hand to you

If you're caught in the shadows and turned all around Lost in the darkness, you will be found If you hear my voice, follow the sound Cause I'm here to guide you home...

I Don’t Dance - High School Musical 2

🌈 ❤️ 💕 okay so if you weren’t here for the high school musical tumblr revival you may be confused but listen... it’s about being mlm...

Step up to the plate, start swinging

I wanna play ball Now that’s all, this is what I do It ain’t no dance that you can show me

I’ve got what it takes playin’ my game So you best skin that pitch you gonna throw me, yeah I’ll show you how I swing

I can prove it to you ‘til you know it’s true Cause I can swing it, I can bring it to the diamond too You’re talking a lot, show me what you got Stop, swing!

Kiss the Girl - cover of The Little Mermaid

this version is sung by a girl so 🧡💕

There you see her, sitting there across the way She don't got a lot to say but there's something about her And you don't know why, but you're dying to try You wanna kiss the girl

Yes, you want her Look at her, you know you do It's possible she want you too There is one way to ask her...

Can You Feel the Love Tonight - The Lion King

🏳️‍🌈

An enchanted moment And it sees me through It's enough for this restless warrior Just to be with you

There's a time for everyone if they only learn That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn There's a rhyme and reason to the wild outdoors When the heart of this star-crossed voyager Beats in time with yours

And can you feel the love tonight? It is where we are It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer That we got this far And can you feel the love tonight? How it's laid to rest It's enough to make kings and vagabonds Believe the very best

Beauty and the Beast - Beauty and the Beast

🏳️‍🌈- a lot of queer people tend to empathize with “beastly” characters so we all latched the fuck onto this movie huh

Just a little change, small to say the least Both a little scared, neither one prepared

Ever just the same, ever a surprise Ever as before, ever just as sure As the sun will rise

Tale as old as time, tune as old as song Bittersweet and strange, finding you can change Learning you were wrong...

Healing Incantation - Tangled

🏳️‍🌈🤍🖤

Heal what has been hurt Change the fates' design Save what has been lost Bring back what once was mine

So Close - Enchanted

🏳️‍🌈🌈

A life goes by, romantic dreams will stop So I bid mine goodbye and never knew So close was waiting waiting here with you And now, forever, I know All that I wanted to hold you so close

Oh, how could I face the faceless days If I should lose you now?

So close to reaching that famous happy end Almost believing this one's not pretend Let’s go on dreaming though we know we are So close, so close, and still So far...

If Only - Descendants

🏳️‍🌈🌈

A million thoughts in my head Should I let my heart keep listening? Cause up 'til now, I've walked the line Nothing lost but something missing I can't decide what's wrong, what's right Which way should I go?

Every step, every word With every hour I'm feeling in To something new, something brave To someone I've never been

Will you still be with me When the magic's all run out?

If only I knew what my heart was telling me Don't know what I'm feeling Is this just a dream? If only I could read the signs in front of me I could find the way to who I'm meant to be

Wherever You Are - Pooh’s Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin

🏳️‍🌈- out of context could be interpreted as romantic, esp since the credits version is a duet (🌈 💕) but the original context is friendship so honestly it’s very 💜💚

I'm out here in the dark, all alone and wide awake Come and find me I'm empty and I'm cold, and my heart's about to break Come and find me

I need you to come here and find me Cause without you, I'm totally lost I've hung a wish on every star It hasn't done much good so far I can only dream of you

But when the morning comes and the sun begins to rise, I will lose you Because it’s just a dream, when I open up my eyes, I will lose you

I used to believe in forever, But forever is too good to be true I've hung a wish on every star It hasn't done much good so far

I don't know what else to do Except to try to dream of you And wonder, if you're dreaming too Wherever you are

I Won’t Say (I’m In Love) - Hercules

🏳️‍🌈 🌈 💕

If there's a prize for rotten judgment, I guess I've already won that

Who d'you think you're kiddin'? He's the earth and heaven to ya Try to keep it hidden Honey, we can see right through ya Girl, you can't conceal it We know how you feel And who you're thinking of

I thought my heart had learned its lesson It feels so good when you start out My head is screaming "Get a grip, girl!" Unless you're dying to cry your heart out

You keep on denying Who you are and how you're feeling Baby, we're not buying Hon, we saw you hit the ceiling

This scene won't play I won't say I'm in love

At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love

Endless Night - The Lion King Broadway Production

🏳️‍🌈🤍 🖤

Where has the starlight gone? Dark is the day How can I find my way home? Home is an empty dream, lost to the night Father, I feel so alone

When will the dawning break, oh, endless night Sleepless I dream of the day

I know that the night must end And that the sun will rise I know that the clouds must clear And that the sun will shine

Set Yourself Free - Tangled: The Series

🏳️‍🌈🤍

There's much more inside of you than anyone can see And now the choice is yours Life waits beyond the doors So step on through, the time has come And only you can set yourself free!

No one else can tell you what to do Or who to be! No one gets to say if you will stay or go

Look inside your heart and find the key... And set yourself free!

Bound up by your worries Trapped by your mistakes Forced to play a role you never chose Why not test your limits? You've got what it takes Let it out and follow where it goes

No more letting someone else define you to a "T" You know that you are strong You've known it all along So seize the day, let down your hair You’ll find a way to set yourself free!

So look to the horizon Open up your wings! Fly away to find your destiny... And set yourself free!

Speechless - Aladdin 2019 Remake

🏳️‍🌈 ALL OF US ALL OF US

Here comes a wave meant to wash me away A tide that is taking me under

Cause I'll breathe when they try to suffocate me! Don't you underestimate me! Cause I know that I won't go speechless!

Written in stone, every rule, every word Centuries old and unbending "Stay in your place, better seen and not heard," Well, now that story is ending

Try to lock me in this cage! I won't just lay me down and die! I will take these broken wings And watch me burn across the sky!

I’m Still Here (Jim’s Theme) - Treasure Planet

🏳️‍🌈❤️🤍

I am a question to the world Not an answer to be heard Or a moment that's held in your arms

You don't know me And I'll never be what you want me to be

And what do you think you'd understand I'm a boy - No, I'm a man You can't take me and throw me away And how can you learn what's never shown Yeah, you stand here on your own They don't know me, cause I’m not here

And I want to tell you who I am Can you help me be a man They can't break me As long as I know who I am

They can't tell me who to be 'Cause I'm not what they see Yeah, the world is still sleepin' While I keep on dreaming for me And their words are just whispers and lies That I'll never believe!

Crossing the Line - cover of Tangled: the Series

🏳️‍🌈 🧡 tfw when u are DONE with that fuckin closet

This has to stop now This thing where you think that you've been my friend And don't even hear how you condescend The way you've always done

How I've tried to jump that great divide! But I've never got the chances you were given You don't know how much I've been denied Well, I'm not being patient anymore

I'm crossing the line! And I'm done holding back So look out, clear the track, it's my turn! I'm taking what's mine Every drop, every smidge If I'm burning a bridge, let it burn! But I'm crossing the line...

Let it Go - Frozen

🏳️‍🌈 listen. i do not have to explain this one. you all know exactly why it’s here. we were all tiny gays in 2013 losing our shit in the theater for no discernable reason why. we know

Couldn't keep it in, Heaven knows I tried

Don't let them in, don't let them see Be the good girl you always have to be Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know Well, now they know!

Let it go! Let it go! Turn away and slam the door! I don't care what they're going to say!

It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all!

No right, no wrong, no rules for me I'm free!

I'm never going back, the past is in the past!

Let it go! Let it go! And I'll rise like the break of dawn Let it go! Let it go! That perfect girl is gone!

This is Me - Camp Rock

🏳️‍🌈 🧡 💕 🤍

I've always been the kind of girl that hid my face So afraid to tell the world what I've got to say But I have this dream right inside of me I'm gonna let it show it's time To let you know It's to let you know

Do you know what it's like to feel so in the dark? To dream about a life where you're the shining star

This is real, this is me I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, now Gonna let the light shine on me Now I've found who I am there's no way to hold it in No more hiding who I wanna be...

Breaking Free - High School Musical

🏳️‍🌈 🖤

You know the world can see us In a way that's different than who we are Creating space between us 'Till we're separate hearts But your faith it gives me strength Strength to believe

Soarin, flyin There’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach If we’re trying, yeah we’re breaking free We’re running, climbin To get to the place, to be all that we can be Now’s the time, so we’re breaking free

True To Your Heart - Mulan

🏳️‍🌈 🌈

Baby, I knew at once that you were meant for me Deep in my soul, I know that I'm your destiny Though you're unsure Why fight the tide Don't think so much Let your heart decide

True to your heart You must be true to your heart That's when the heavens'll part And, baby, shower you with my love Open your eyes Your heart can tell you no lies And when you're true to your heart I know it's gonna lead you straight to me

Someone ya know is on your side can set you free I can do that for you if you believe in me Why second guess what feels so right Just trust your heart And you'll see the light

Never Knew I Needed - The Princess and the Frog

🏳️‍🌈 🌈 💕

For the way you changed my plans For being the perfect distraction For the way you took the idea that I have Of everything that I wanted to have And made me see there was something missing...

My accidental happily ever after The way you smile and how you comfort me with your laughter I must admit you were not a part of my book But now if you open it up and take a look You're the beginning and the end of every chapter

You're the best thing I never knew I needed So when you were here I had no idea You'd be the best thing I never knew I needed So now it's so clear I need you here always

Colors of the Wind - Pocahontas

🏳️‍🌈 - colors.... rainbows.... yea

How can there be so much that you don't know? You don't know...

You think the only people who are people Are the people who look and think like you But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger You'll learn things you never knew, you never knew

How high will the sycamore grow If you cut it down, then you'll never know And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon For whether we are white or copper skinned We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains We need to paint with all the colors of the wind...

I See the Light - Tangled

🏳️‍🌈 🌈 - you would not BELIEVE how many of y’all requested this one

Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight Now I'm here, suddenly I see Standing here, it's all so clear I'm where I'm meant to be

Now she's here shining in the starlight Now she's here, suddenly I know If she's here it's crystal clear I'm where I'm meant to go

And at last I see the light And it's like the fog has lifted And at last I see the light And it's like the sky is new And it's warm and real and bright And the world has somehow shifted

All at once, everything looks different Now that I see you

Strangers Like Me - Tarzan

🏳️‍🌈 🤍 🖤- that moment when u find another queer person and ur like “holy shit”

I can see there's so much to learn It's all so close and yet so far I see myself as people see me Oh, I just know there's something bigger out there

Come with me now to see my world Where there's beauty beyond your dreams Can you feel the things I feel Right now, with you Take my hand There's a world I need to know...

Why Should I Worry? - Oliver & Company

🏳️‍🌈- we’re queer, we’re here, get used to it

Why should I worry? Why should I care? I may not have a dime But I got street savoir-faire Why should I worry? Why should I care? It's just be-bopulation And I got street savoir-faire

Why should I worry? Why should I care? And even when I crossed that line I got street savoir-faire

Welcome - Brother Bear

🏳️‍🌈 pride parade amirite

Everyone's invited This is how we live We are here for each other, happy to give All we have we share And all of us we care

There's a bond between us nobody can explain It's a celebration of life We see our friends again I'll be there for you I know you'll be there for me, too So come on!

This has to be the most beautiful The most peaceful place I've ever been to It's nothing like I've never seen before When I think how far I've come I can't believe it And yet I see it In them I see family I see the way we used to be...

The Great Divide - Tinkerbell and the Secret of the Wings

🏳️‍🌈

I'm on your side Let's take this ride And together we're facing the world Doing things nobody's done before And the great divide doesn’t seem so wide anymore

With You by My Side - Tangled: the Series

💗 - tangled the series was so close to being canon polyam istg

Now; now more than ever We must stick together united

If we're destined to head in our own different ways Let's make the most of these sweet final days Why not go out in a glorious blaze

There's nothing I couldn't do Not with you by my side What in the world would I do Without you by my side...

Love Will Find a Way - The Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride

🏳️‍🌈 🌈

In a perfect world One we've never known We would never need to face the world alone They can have the world We'll create our own I may not be brave or strong or smart But somewhere in my secret heart

And if only they could feel it too The happiness I feel with you

Like dark turning into day Somehow we'll come through Now that I've found you Love will find a way I know love will find a way

Space Between - Descendants 2

🧡 never have i ever seen gays flock to a song faster

And you can find me in the space between Where two worlds come to meet I'll never be out of reach Cause you're a part of me so you can find me in the space between You'll never be alone No matter where you go We can meet in the space between

Even if we're worlds apart You're still in my heart It will always be you and me, yeah

If I Never Knew You - Pocahontas

🏳️‍🌈🌈

And if I never held you I would never have a clue How at last I'd find in you The missing part of me...

In this world so full of fear Full of rage and lies I can see the truth so clear In your eyes So dry your eyes

If I never knew you I'd be safe but half as real Never knowing I could feel A love so strong and true

I thought our love would be so beautiful Somehow we'd make the whole world bright I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong All they'd leave us were these whispers in the night But still my heart is saying we were right

I’d Give Anything - Tangled: the Series

🧡 rapunzel’s sad breakup song

So if you find that you're in darkness or despair Though you won't turn to me please know I'll be right there Name any sacrifice, I'll pay the price that's due Cause I'd give anything for you Yes, I'd give anything to relive everything we knew...

Someday - Hunchback of Notre Dame

🏳️‍🌈

I used to believe In the days I was naïve That I'd live to see A day of justice dawn And though I will die Long before that morning comes I'll die while believing still It will come when I am gone

Someday, when we are wiser When the world's older, when we have learned I pray someday we may yet live To live and let live

Someday, these dreams will all be real Till then we'll wish upon the moon Change will come, one day Someday soon...

No One Is Alone - Into the Woods

🏳️‍🌈

Mother cannot guide you, now your on your own. Only me beside you, still you're not alone. No one is alone. Truly, no one is alone…

People make mistakes Holding to their own Thinking they’re alone

Someone is on your side, someone else is not While we’re seeing our side, maybe we forgot They are not alone, no one is alone...

I Am Moana (Song of the Ancestors) - Moana

🏳️‍🌈 🤍 - it’s about the self-acceptance binch

Sometimes, the world seems against you The journey may leave a scar But scars can heal and reveal just Where you are

The people you love will change you The things you have learned will guide you And nothing on Earth can silence The quiet voice still inside you

I've delivered us to where we are I have journeyed farther I am everything I've learned and more Still it calls me

And the call isn't out there at all, it's inside me! It's like the tide, always falling and rising I will carry you here in my heart, you remind me That come what may I know the way

Show Yourself - Frozen 2

🏳️‍🌈 - this one was claimed immediately by the queer community and we all have a stake in it but i do want to point out that i got this from a LOT of 🤍 🖤 💜 💚

I have always been a fortress Cold secrets deep inside You have secrets too But you don't have to hide

I've never felt so certain All my life, I've been torn But I'm here for a reason Could it be the reason I was born? I have always been so different Normal rules did not apply Is this the day? Are you the way I finally find out why?

Oh, show yourself Let me see who you are... Come to me now Open your door Don't make me wait One moment more!

(Come, my darling, homeward bound) I am found!

Transformation / Beauty and the Beast (Reprise) - Beauty and the Beast Broadway Production

🏳️‍🌈

We are home, we are where we shall be forever Trust in me, for you know I won’t run away from today This is all that I need, and all that I need to say Don’t you know how you’ve changed me? Strange how I finally see I found home, you’re my home, stay with me...

Finale / Let it Go - Frozen Broadway Production

🏳️‍🌈 this makes me bawl so it gets finale

There’s so much I longed to say Then say it all, beginning with today It’s like a dream I thought could never be Elsa, you’re free

Here we stand in the light of day Let the sun shine on

I take this warmth within and send it up above Goodbye to dark and fear, let’s fill this world with light and love And here surrounded by a family at least We’re never going back, the past is in the past

Let our true love go Let it go!

#disney #disney songs #queer #lgbt #lgbtq #mine

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indianamoonshine · 4 years

Text

solo’s copilot ♡︎ chapter two / “all women should”

Tumblr media

summary: “Then you realize...it's because he's starved. Starved of affection himself. Of adoration. Of touch. He'd been Kylo Ren for years, dwelling in solitude with no one to hold him, no one to make love to, no one to cry for. You realize then that he craved closeness and he wanted it with you."

rating: M for suggestive content

AN: hi friends! it's me - mikaela - your local ben simp. i should be working on my screenplay, but i can't get this story out of my head. i actually had a lot of fun writing this chapter! the thing that tasha did to reader - you know the one. the vagina thing? yeah. i actually had a friend do this to me irl.

Tasha's nails clink impatiently against her glass of mither. She's been itching to say it for the past hour - you know she has.

"So..." she begins ominously. You prepare for her greatest performance. What were best friends for? "Big night for Ben, huh?"

The two of you stand at the bar of The Water Hole, a local cantina, and watch as Ben (along with some other Resistance fighters) aggressively chug their ales. He looks wild and, truthfully, on his way to being fried. You can't help but laugh when he spills on himself, brow arching in confusion, and then grumbling when he sees the mess he's made. He pretends like no one saw, but you did; you always see him. The way that particular strand of his hair dangles over his forehead had you biting your lip as he laughed, completely unaware of how fucking hot he was. Sometimes you hated him for that.

You turn to Tasha, pretending not to catch onto what she's implying, but she's grinning wickedly at you.

"Yep," you say half-heartedly, continuing to observe the room.

It's dim, but bright enough so that you're able to distinguish faces from one another. Lance, a blonde man with an unfortunate amount of sweat stains, converses animatedly with Ben. Then there's Bella, a witty and stunningly beautiful woman with emerald hair who cozies up with her boyfriend. You didn't recognize all the faces here. Some of them were bounty hunters or smugglers passing through, but the ones you did know where notorious party animals. You had a feeling you'd be nursing a hangover in the morning.

Tasha swirls her drink with a slender finger. "Could be a big night for you, too."

Bingo. Took her long enough.

Still, you pretend it takes you off guard, and pretend to choke on your drink. "What?"

Your friend rolls her eyes. She means well, just as she always has, ever since the two of you were toddlers. Growing up with her should've made more of a rebellious impact on you but it didn't. Not to say you didn't enjoy drinking and being with friends - you did, just not every night like Tasha. And that was fine; she was good at it. Sometimes you wished you were as talented as socializing as she was; you might be predisposed to make the kind of money she did. Tasha, in addition to being a Resistance fighter, was also the center of many wealthy men and women's lives.

"Ah, don't play coy." She slaps you in jest, but her strength causes a sting.

You stick out your tongue like a child eating something sour. "Boys have cooties," you joke. You know very well Ben did not have cooties.

Tasha rolls her eyes and smirks, holding the straw to her mouth before continuing. "Even a blushing virgin knows what success does to a man." She takes a long sip while wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. "It builds their ego..."

She takes a look at Ben from across the room. You do too. And despite how much Tasha adores you - how willing she would be to step in front of a blaster for you - she can't help but drink in the sight of the scoundrel who so handsomely laughs with friends. He's warm. He's kind.

He is absolutely perfect in every way. You don't blame her for the lust.

"Though, I don't think he needs much help with that." Her eyes fall lower and she does obviously enough so that you see where she's looking.

Tasha tears her eyes from Ben's - unquestionably - well endowed bulge. "You sure you can handle that?" she asks you with a wink.

You weren't the jealous type. Really. But everyone made their desire for him so loud; it was hard not to be jealous in some way or another. All the women (and men) on base who were gorgeous, intelligent, and very single were surely competent enough to take him from you.

But he hadn't left. Not in the five months you've been seeing one another; it's what you kept you from clawing peoples' eyes out.

"You're insatiable," you tell her. "Now you want him too?"

Tasha gives you an incredulous and pointed look. "You know I love you...but you also know that everyone on base wants him." She scoffs. "Don't pretend like you don't know that. You're so goddamned lucky."

You take a quiet slurp of your drink, eyes locked onto the way he concentrates to what Lance is saying. His eyebrows furrow and he nods, sucking the inside of his cheek and it makes his jawline more prominent. You feel a heat bloom in your body and know how lucky you are. For fuck's sake, you still can't believe it.

"He could be bad at it," you say then, though you know the idea is ridiculous.

Tasha shakes her head and light bounces off her pretty, blonde pin curls. "I wouldn't count on it. He has a reputation...just like his dad..." she says dreamily, as though she knew Han Solo personally.

There's a silence between the two of you before she says, "Are you prepared?" like she already knows the answer.

You shrug. "Can you ever be prepared for something like this?"

Tasha looks at you like you're not serious. Maybe she was expecting another answer.

"For sex?" Yes," she says simply. "God, you're the mature one, too."

"I have an implant if that's what you're wondering." You lift up your forearm to the light and see the outline of a very small, very faint chip embedded beneath your skin. It wasn't required in the Resistance - not anymore. But once you and Ben started dating, the idea of an accident seemed more plausible than what you'd like to imagine.

She looks thoughtfully at a space above your head. "Okay, yes, that's very important. But have you shaved?"

There's a pang of fear that lights up your abdomen. Shit.

"I didn't exactly plan on this happening tonight!" you argue under your breath.

She doesn't take a breath. "What are you wearing?" Damn woman, cut me some slack, you think.

You blink a few times, trying to process her question, and crinkle your nose when you come up short. "Is that a trick question?"

Your dear friend looks exasperated and maybe even a little disappointed. After all these years of confiding in you about her various sexual endeavors, you surely could've picked up on the basics. Weren't you listening when she told you about the crotch-less underwear she wore for Mike in transmissions? Did you forget about the time she showered before a hook-up, swiped a finger in her vagina, and held it to your nose before asking, "Be honest...do I smell?" (No. You hadn't forgotten that - as much as you wanted to - but for the record: she didn't.)

"You don't have any lingerie?" she asks, dumbfounded.

"Why would I have lingerie?" you whisper heatedly and a little too quickly.

A man with a false eye turns his neck to glance at you, perplexed by the dialogue, but intrigued nonetheless. You glare at him and scoot farther away.

"Maybe because you're in a relationship with possibly the sexiest man in the galaxy, that's why!" she responds, throwing her free hand in the air for dramatics - she was always very good at that.

Tasha rubs her right temple as you cross your arms in defense, waiting for her to say something else. And then she does. An idea pops into her head, a lightbulb practically manifesting to gleam over her.

"T-shirt," she decides.

"Huh?"

"Holy fuck, are you this naive?" she asks, but she's hiding laughter. "Men go nuts when we do that. They like knowing we're smaller than them..." she cocks an eyebrow in amusement. "Though, that's never really been the case for me."

Tasha is tall. Six feet and two inches tall. You try to imagine her drowning in a man's shirt but couldn't possibly conjure up someone big enough to give her something to disappear in. Chewbacca, maybe.

You try to shake the thought away, to imagine one of Ben's plain tees hanging just below your shaking knees. How you could possibly work with that solely because you knew how much bigger he was than you. Throw on a little lip gloss, maybe. Mascara? Blush? No. No blush; he'll be getting you red enough.

Oh. The thought makes you clench.

But what if he preferred a woman who was natural? You wore makeup in front of him when he took you on your first date, honestly just for an excuse to dress in something other than your uniform. But because of the way his pupils expanded when he saw you, you decided to dress up more often. Did it matter? If he was worth it, he'd like you any way. And you knew Ben was worth it. Still, all these questions and all these rules for sex were overwhelming for someone who hadn't even given a blow-job. You take another drink of your liquid courage as your head spins with possibilities. They were endless.

Tasha watches with an enigmatic smile as you fix your hair to frame it the way Ben likes. "Okay," you say, but you're really only talking to yourself. "I'm going in."

-----------------------------

A wide smile forms on Ben's face when you arrive at the table.

You're shaking, but doing your best to hide it, hoping that the façade of alcohol might camouflage your trembling fingers. Ben reaches his arms out to you and you accept his invitation to sit snuggly on his lap. You fit in it perfectly, especially when your head leans back against the curvature of his shoulder. He caresses your arm and you notice how his fingers trace over the indentation of your birth control. For some reason, that triggers a primal instinct, and you press your face into his neck.

"Did you get anything to drink?" Ben asks, lifting your chin with his index finger.

You nod, eyes sparkling when they meet his. You can feel the nervousness slowly dissolve in your body, but it could be because of the alcohol inoculating through your veins. "I did, thank you."

"Why didn't you let me pay for it? I would've." He kisses your cheek softly and then the other. "How many have you had?"

You shrug. "Just one." You lean into his touch, relishing in the electricity that burns your insides. It feels so good. "Nothing I can't handle."

He smirks, but behind it there's something you can't quite put your finger on. It's wicked, but tempting. Licentious, but adoring. It makes you blush, especially by the way he so openly touches your face with such softness. You never expected Ben to be so unstirred by potential reactions from others. Who knew Ben was so into public displays of affection?

Then you realize...it's because he's starved. Starved of affection himself. Of adoration. Of touch. He'd been Kylo Ren for years, dwelling in solitude with no one to hold him, no one to make love to, no one to cry for. You realize then that he craved closeness and he wanted it with you.

For fuck's sake, it's bringing tears to your eyes. You try to stop them by burying your face in his collarbone again but it doesn't work. His beating heart, his breathing, his warmth makes you even more emotional. You want to wrap yourself around him until the two of you become one - until you can pass on whatever it was that he needed from your own spirit. Whatever he needed, he'd get from you.

Gods...did you...did you love him?

No. No, it's too early, you tell yourself. You can't love him. It could end just as easily as it began, even if he did love you back. Something would eventually happen - he could die, you could die, the spark could burn out after the honeymoon phase ended. This is what you've convinced yourself, not only with Ben, but with other men too. And they always did end up leaving, even if you begged them to stay.

"You okay, baby?" he mumbles in your hair.

His voice brings you back to life. He'd never called you baby before. You're surprised to find how much you like it.

You lift your head and watch as his irises seem to turn another shade of mahogany. "Yep," you smile, running your fingers through his hair. You begin to slowly run your fingers across his scalp as though to mend a wound that wasn't there. Not in the bone, anyway. His conscious; you'd try to mend his psyche, and maybe it was an unintentional move from your own subconscious. But you allowed it.

Ben hums from your gentle touch, forgetting about the drink in his hand. He sets it down and leans back against the booth, eyes shut, and smiling as you play with his locks, twirling them around your fingers. You admire the way it shines in the dim lighting - he took care of himself well. That means he could take care of you, too. The idea makes you shiver in his arms.

The group of friends talk with one another in loud, jubilant conversation. When Ben doesn't say anything after some time, Lance pipes up.

"How you doin' over there, Solo?" He's chuckling by the way Ben's loosened his limps while savoring your embrace.

It must be a sight to see. Ben's almost slumped over in his seat with only a couple of drinks in his system as a girl half his size twiddles with his hair. Solo didn't relax much - he was always on the move, so to see him in this state was probably more reliving than humorous.

Ben just lifts a hand, eyes still closed, enjoying your fingers as they dance around his face. You count the small moles on his skin his under your breath and trace the slope of his nose. Eck. What had you become? PDA hadn't ever tickled your fancy before, so why are you all of a sudden so fuckin' cringeworthy?

Then you realize you didn't care. Ben Solo was practically purring against you as you squirmed in his lap. And you knew by the way he snaps open his eyes, some kind of fire raging behind them, and grabs ahold of your hips:

That he.

Was going.

To fuckin'.

Wreck you.

You'd let him. And he knows that too by the way you squeal when he picks you up and throws you over his shoulder. He gives you a light swat on your butt as he stands and you burst into laughter, not giving a single shit about who thinks what anymore.

"Alright, Petals. I think it's time to go now," he announces and bobs you back into place against him.

Lance lets out a whistle that implies what everyone was thinking. "Have fun, you two!" he shouts from across the cantina.

And as you hoot with laughter - the kind of laughter you know is genuine - you spot Tasha at the bar. She holds up her drink and nods her head as though to say:

"As all women should."

#ben solo x reader #kylo ren x reader #kylo x reader #mw1 #ben solo headcanons #kylo ren headcanons

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heyitsani · 3 years

Text

When You Move, I Move

DCU Big Bang submission

Word Count: 28,907

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Mentions of past non-con/rape (as written in canon), Major character death (temporary and as mentioned in canon as well), Threats of abortion, AU-ish? Mentions of past lives.

Pairing: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd

Summary: “I am Fate.” The voice seemed to echo in the room and the two men looked at the being. Jason frowned, but lowered his gun to point down at the ground. Though he was ready to lift and fire the instant he felt something off. “This is an interesting development.”

“What is?” Jason grabbed Dick’s arm to keep him from moving closer to the being as Dick questioned it.

“N, stay back.”

“Very interesting, indeed.” Fate slowly dropped to the ground and the ethereal glow that had been surrounding them previously faded so they could see them more clearly. “There is only one person who could spell so beautifully, so intricately.”

Notes: Here it is! My addition for the DCU Big Bang. And it’s a monster of a fic.

Okay this story completely ran away from the original outline. The POV jumps between Jason and Dick so you can get the complete picture, but if you need to know more to understand, go to the notes at the end where there be spoilers.

Dates and locations listed only when it's significant to know the time jump or place of the scene.

Two absolutely gorgeous art pieces for this story by @harishe-art here and by Vivi here. Both are somewhat spoilers, so proceed with caution.

You can also read this on AO3 here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CURRENT DAY

GOTHAM CITY

“Hood, wait!” Jason could hear Dick’s voice through his synced comm link, but he wasn’t sure where exactly the other man was. Not until blue and black flashed in his peripheral vision. “They’re not hostile.”

Jason looked up at the being who was hovering about six feet above the cold ground of the warehouse that was housing a coven of magic users who had been manipulating citizens to attack their lovers in order to make a sacrifice. He kept his gun raised but moved his finger off the trigger, trusting Dick’s assessment of the situation more than his own. Dick had done all the research after all. Jason had been called in as last minute back up and only given the bare minimal details. None of which included information on flying beings. All Jason had known was there was a group of men who were sacrificing Gothamites for some unbecoming reason or another. It was all he had needed to know.

Or so he thought.

“So? Who the fuck is it?”

“I am Fate.” The voice seemed to echo in the room and the two men looked at the being. Jason frowned, but lowered his gun to point down at the ground. Though he was ready to lift and fire the instant he felt something off. “This is an interesting development.”

“What is?” Jason grabbed Dick’s arm to keep him from moving closer to the being as Dick questioned it.

“N, stay back.”

“Very interesting, indeed.” Fate slowly dropped to the ground and the ethereal glow that had been surrounding them previously faded so they could see them more clearly. “There is only one person who could spell so beautifully, so intricately.” The being took a step toward them and Jason immediately pulled Dick back and slightly behind.

“What are you doing?” Dick hissed, trying to tug his arm out of Jason’s grip.

“Keeping you from being an idiot. We don’t know anything about this person outside of the fact that they were summoned through human fucking sacrifices!” He could tell Dick wanted to snap something back, but instead Jason watched him take a deep breath and give him a nod. He was trusting Jason’s judgement on this one. And that was a little more startling than Jason wanted to ever admit.

“What a delight this will be. It has been so long since I have encountered so much…history.”

“What do you mean by that? Why did those warlocks summon you?”

“For something inconsequential and petty.” The being waved a hand, looking bored. Then in a split second, hands were clasped and an almost child-like, giddy expression overtook the boredom. “You have eliminated their presence. But I am here, and I am feeling particularly generous,” the being spoke, moving to the table where each of the seven sacrifices had taken place. Jason watched them run a finger along the blood of the sigils. The touch seemed delicate and reverent, but Jason found himself tensing. “I have a gift for the two of you.”

The fuck?

“Say what now?” Jason questioned, feeling Dick’s hand fist in the material of his armored leather jacket.

“Jay…” He whispered, shifting his body closer but Jason couldn’t focus on the warm line of body heat he was providing. He didn’t have time to dwell on that. He also didn’t have time to rebuke him for the use of real names in the field. He had to figure out if he would be able to get him and Dick out of there alive.

“Hood. Nightwing. Report.”

“Those won’t be necessary where you’re going.” And with a snap of the man’s fingers, Dick was hissing in pain and digging his comm unit out of his ear. It fell to the ground, blackened as though it had been set on fire. A moment later, Jason heard an audible pop in his helmet and knew his link was officially down.

“What do you mean? Where are we going?” Dick spoke up but remained behind Jason.

“To where you have already been. Something beautiful was stolen from you both and I wish to show you what it was before you ruin the final chance of having it.” In a blink of an eye, Fate was standing directly in front of them and pressing two fingers to each of their foreheads. The last thing Jason could recall before he fell was reaching for Dick when he let out a strangled Jay.

200 AD

GOTHAM KINGDOM CAPITAL

“Come now, Ser Todd. Surely you can do better than that,” a joyful voice sounded to his right and Jason looked over to see Richard standing there with his arms folded over his chest and an amused expression on his beautiful, golden features. He looked perfectly at ease in his gold and white royal robes among the commoners meandering around. The single blue gem inset in the gold circlet catching the sunlight just enough to twinkle the same way his sapphire eyes did.

He looked regal, as always. But he could be in rags and still look stunning.

“Of course, I can. The question is whether or not I desire to.” And Jason can’t help but smile at the laughter that spills from the lips he is far too familiar with.

“Hmmm, yes. I do suppose desire does play a good part in this sort of game.” Richard raised one of his hands and tapped his lower lip, circling behind Jason to come and stand on his other side. “The desire to impress. Or perhaps the desire to entertain.”

“Perhaps my desire is to leave this foolishness behind and entertain myself in…other ways,” Jason offered, turning his body so he could face Richard more fully.

“Are you not enjoying yourself, Ser Jason?”

“King Bruce,” Jason greeted with a formal bow. The older man made his way over from another booth set up, with his guards in tow. He cut an imposing figure, dressed in all black and just the slightest hint of the royal gold and blue. He was quite the contrast to Richard’s white and gold, but there was no denying the power and confidence in either of them.

“Father…” Richard’s sigh was long suffering, but fond and it made Jason’s heart ache with longing. How he wished he had had his own father to feel that way about.

“Son. I was simply inquiring as to whether or not our fearsome dragon slayer was enjoying his time at the festival in his honor.” Jason watched Richard roll his eyes and look at Jason with the put-upon look only the King could pull from him.

“It is not in his honor, Father. It honors all our country’s brave slayers. Just because Jason is the only one now does not mean those who came before him are to be forgotten,” Richard commented, looking at his father. The man looked amused for a moment before his face went back to the stoic mask the kingdom knew.

“Hmm, yes. I do suppose you make a good point. But I do as well. Our Slayer should enjoy himself at a festival raised to honor him and those like him.”

“I am very much enjoying myself, Your Majesty.” Jason spoke to the king, but his eyes were on the prince who was smiling brightly at him.

“Indeed. I will leave you two to it, then. Richard,” the king called as he walked away from the pair, pulling his son’s eyes away from Jason’s. “Do remember what we talked about this morning.” The smile fell from Richard’s lips immediately, but the king had already turned to continue on his way with his faithful guards following closely.

The shift in Richards mood was almost tangible. Jason felt as though he’d probably be able to touch it, if he tried. While Jason had seen plenty of mood shifts with Richard through the years of knowing him, he rarely did so in such an abrupt manner and never in a location like this. Not when a subject could see them and gossip.

“Richard? My Prince?” Jason placed a hand on Richard’s upper arm and tried to pull his attention back to him. What had they discussed this morning that would put such a scowl on the other man’s face? “My love?” The words were spoken softly, an attempt to keep them between just the two men as well as to try and get the other’s attention.

“It’s nothing of consequence. Let us carry on.” The smile was back on the other’s lips and to most it would see just as bright as before, but not to someone who knew Richard as well as Jason did. This smile was brittle around the edges and pain was clear in his crystal blue eyes.

“It is clearly not nothing, but I will follow your lead as I always do.” Richard turned thankful eyes on Jason and other man smiled gently.

“Tonight. I will tell you about it tonight. I do not wish to ruin this day.”

“Then lead the way, My Prince.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Thank you to all the many visitors who have come to partake in our festival this day. Please join me in raising a glass to the one standing dragon slayer of Gotham Kingdom! Ser Jason Todd, may your sword always strike its final blow before you fall!”

Jason smiled up at Richard as he stood in front of the table at the head of the room, body turned side facing so he could look at the other man as he proposed the traditional toast. Jason raised his own glass in acknowledgement, a secret smile shared between the two, before pressing the rim of the glass to his lips for a drink.

The hall broke out in cheers as they all took drinks of their own and servants milled about to refill cups and plates. It was always a sight to see, the hall filled with nobles and commoners there to celebrate one thing. One of the only things that could pull the entire country together was honoring the dragon slayers of now and old.

The tradition was deeply rooted in their culture, to the point that Jason was sure that it would remain long after the last dragon had fallen or the slayer line had. Which wouldn’t be too long off considering he was the final of his family bloodline and had no intention of siring an heir to continue it. So few dragons remained, he was certain it was safe to have the line die when he took his final breath. But that was neither here nor there at the moment.

No, Jason only had eyes for Richard as he spoke to his stepmother, Queen Selina, who had stopped him on his way back around the table to retake his seat. Though the conversation looked private, Jason still tried to get the gist of it over the noise of the hall. But he was failing terribly and the knot that had been in his chest since the festival earlier that day. The look on the queen’s face just cemented the concern.

“She is offering sympathy.” Jason turned to find Richard’s only sister, Cassandra, standing by his chair. “She does not agree with what Father spoke to him about this morning.” The look on Cass’ face when she looked down at Jason told the older man he was correct in assuming he was not going to enjoy hearing about that conversation. “Ah, Brother,” Cass smiled, lifting her glass to the approaching prince. “I have orders to tell you that Timothy is quite displeased with being seated next to Conner of Kent.”

Richard snickered as he slipped into his chair. “Well then perhaps he should simply tell the boy how he feels. Then I would be less inclined to force the issue.” Cass laughed, likely more amused at her brother’s meddling in the affairs of the young men than the young prince’s discomfort. “At least one of us should get to have what our heart desires.” Jason’s brows furrowed at that and he could see Cass tense out of the corner of his eye.

“Yes, well.” Cass let out a cough and Jason glanced over at the young woman. With a sharp nod and sympathetic eyes, she made her way away from the pair.

“I should like to know what that was about,” Jason commented, leaning back in his chair and watching Richard closely. The other man gave little away, tearing a piece of bread off from the loaf near his plate and taking a bite before washing it down with the wine in his glass.

“You already know Cass is to be betrothed by the end of the year to someone of the Narrows.”

“Yes, but you said only one of you would get to have what your heart desires. What of your heart, My Prince?”

“You are my heart.”

“And you mine.” Dread was beginning to fill his chest and Jason was quite sure this was not the place to be having this conversation. He watched the other man as he continued to consume the piece of bread he had broken, sapphire eyes drifting over the room. “Richard?” The name was spoken softly, aware of the people around him that would expect them to maintain propriety.

“Come, Ser Jason. Take a turn about the gardens with me,” Richard said suddenly, standing from his seat and tossing the last of his bread onto his plate. He didn’t, however, leave behind the wine glass and even allowed one of the servants to fill it before he stepped away from his chair and looked over at Jason.

“Of course, Your Highness,” Jason muttered, pushing to his own feet and moving to stand beside him. Shaking his head at the offered wine from the same servant who had just filled Richard’s glass, Jason looked at Richard and waited for him to lead the way.

The exit was silent between them, Richard pausing a few times to speak with another member of court or greet a small child who wished to place a flower in his hair. Jason remained silent and stoic beside him, hands clasped behind him so no one would see the tremors that had overtaken them. He was starting to have a guess as to what this conversation was going to reveal and he was not certain he should have turned down that glass of wine after all. It might have done his nerves well.

“Do you ever regret?”

“I try not to. I find that it would make me far too similar to those who left me behind.” Richard looked over at Jason and the younger couldn’t help but frown at the solemn look on Richard’s face. “Are you facing regrets?”

“No, but I fear I will be forced to regret.”

“And what is it that you fear you will come to regret?”

He was met with silence as Richard turned away and continued to lead them down the path and into the rows of flowers and hedges, hiding them from the party they could still hear from where they were.

“My love, please,” Jason reached for Richard, grasping his upper arm lightly to make him stop walking and face him. Once he was certain the elder would not walk away, Jason released his arm and placed his palm against Richard’s cheek instead. “Please share your burden with me.” Jason searched the other man’s face for any sort of answer, worry growing as he felt Richard take a shuttering breath.

“Father has decided that it is time for me to marry.”

Oh.

“And you cannot marry me because of the laws of old.” Jason dropped his hands from Richard and took a step back, breathing deeply as the news washed over him. He wasn’t a fool; he had known this would be coming one day. But he had foolishly hoped they might be able to put it off a while longer.

“I do not…Jason,” Richard pleaded, dropping his chin to his chest and letting out a choked noise that did nothing but tighten the vice around Jason’s heart.

“Did he say when?” The words, though whispered, sounded loud in his ears and must have to Richard as well given the flinch they invoked.

“Before the Winter Solstice.” Less than half a year then. Jason could see the wine glass trembling in Richard’s hand and knew he should take it from the older man, but his body felt frozen, lethargic from the pain in his chest. “I do not want anyone else.”

“But you love your people, and you are too good a man to walk away from your duty to them.”

“And you are too good to ask that of me.”

And that would be the crux of their issue from this point on. Jason could never ask Richard to be what he isn’t. And though Jason felt selfish in his desire to have the man standing before him, he was not so selfish to sacrifice the sake of an entire kingdom just so he could have him. Not when he had spent the entirety of his life thus far protecting that very kingdom.

Richard had his duty and Jason had his.

And they would always be two men bound by that duty. Neither willing to give it up or betray the people they protected and served.

“Brother?” The sound of Prince Timothy’s voice filtered through the hedges of the maze and Jason watched as Richard took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Brother are you out here?”

“I am here,” Richard called out, voice steady and trembling under control. A feat that Jason could only marvel at. He still felt shaken to his very core and knew he probably looked it.

The sound of footsteps on gravel pulled both their eyes as they spotted the young man turning the corner to find them. “Oh! Ser Jason! I didn’t realize,” Timothy fumbled, and Jason just gave a bow of his head in respect. And he tried not to cringe at the look of regret the man gave them both. “Father is looking for you, brother.”

“Yes, of course. I will head right in.”

“I could hold him off for the evening. I could tell him you retired for the night.” Jason looked at Richard just as he waved a hand.

“Nonsense. I will go see him shortly.” Jason kept his eyes on Richard, but the older man kept his eyes on his brother. “I promise. I will be there in a few moments.” There was no verbal response from Timothy, but Jason heard his footsteps heading away from them moments later. “Will you retire with me tonight?”

“I will wait for you in your room,” Jason automatically said, even though he had a deep desire to run to his own home and hide away. To deal with the pain of knowing he would lose this man in front of him. Richard’s only response was to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth before hurrying past him to find his father.

Without bothering to watch the other man leave, Jason stood and raised his eyes to the dark sky. The stars scattered in their various clusters blinking naively and promising more than they could ever provide. Hopes and Dreams, his mother had called them before she had passed. Hopes and Dreams of all those who came before them. She had told him stories of great men and women who had wished upon their stars and gotten their wishes granted. The child within his heart wanted to make his own wish, but he knew it would be folly. He would not be granted that particular wish.

Not in this lifetime.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason spent the next week drifting in a state of uncertainty. Did he leave now so it wouldn’t hurt as much when Richard was finally wed? Or did he take as much for as long as he was allowed? How was he supposed to make this kind of decision?

Not that Richard had asked that of him.

No, the fool had begged him to help him find a way around this in the darkness of his room while they lay in bed together. To stay with him because he was in love with him. And Jason was tempted. He was tempted to steal away the man and run without looking back. Let one of his siblings shoulder the responsibility that Richard had never asked for but had been born into.

But he could never do that. Not to Gotham and certainly not to Richard.

Not when Cassandra was not a blood heir and Richard wanted nothing more for Timothy than for him to marry the man he had been in love with since their introduction a short year ago. No, Richard had too much love for those around him. He would never allow them to bear the weight of his responsibilities. And Jason could not watch the light fade from his eyes should he attempt to do just that. No one loved Gotham the way Richard did. The kingdom would remember him for the ages because he was bound to be the most benevolent of kings.

“My lord, there is someone here to see you,” the voice of his one servant called through the door. Jason looked up when the sound of it opening filled the quiet of the room, not bothering to stand from his slouched position in the chair nearest to the window overlooking his modest grounds. At least until he saw who it was who had entered the room.

“Your Majesty,” Jason shot to his feet and gave a hasty bow. He silently cursed the manservant for not stating who it was he was allowing in. But perhaps he didn’t realize, given the dark cloak he wore with the hood pulled over his head, shadowing his features. But Jason had seen the man in the darkness of a hunt and knew all too well what he looked like in the shadows.

“Please, Ser Jason. This is not a formal calling.” Nodding when the king gestured to the two chairs, one of which Jason had just been occupying, he sat back down. This time he remained rigid though. The king pushed the hood off his head and adjusted the cloak to reveal his plain clothes hidden underneath. Clothes Jason hadn’t known the King to even have. “I know Richard has spoken with you in regard to what I have asked of him.”

Dropping his gaze to his lap, Jason nodded his head. King Bruce had been somewhat of a surrogate father to him when he had taken up the mantle of dragon slayer after his father had fallen when Jason was just ten years of age. He held great respect for the king, but he was still just a subject in the end.

“He did, Your Majesty.”

“He mentioned he has not since seen you.”

“I am struggling and do not want him to carry that burden. I could never be the cause of that weight,” Jason admitted, glancing up at the king before turning his eyes back to the window he had been staring out before.

“Yes, I assumed as much.” Silence stretched between them and Jason found himself looking over at the older man, wondering what the point of the visit was. “I know you and my son love each other very much. Much more than I ever loved the mother of my children.” Jason had known the arranged marriage of King Bruce to Talia of the Al Ghul kingdom had been strained. And when she had died, Richard had told Jason they were all secretly relieved to not have that animosity in the castle anymore.

“Why are you here, my King?”

“I have a possible solution that will appease both of you, as well as me.” Frowning, Jason watched the other man closely. “You cannot sit on the throne with him. Not only can you not produce an heir, but a ruler cannot be wed to a dragon slayer.”

“So say the law of old,” Jason quoted the Scrolls of Oath that they all lived by.

“So say the law of old.” The king sighed and leaned back in the chair, slouching in a way Jason had never seen of the older man. “But you can warm his bed.” The thought of that, of being an object, made Jason bristle with anger. Richard would never lower him to that standard.

“I am not a trophy and he would not want that of me.”

“No, not a trophy. But a beloved.”

“So, he should marry a woman of your choosing and then bed me on the side? That is not a solution.”

“No, we find him a bride who knows she will never have his heart. A marriage of convenience. Perhaps a woman too many have passed over, someone who is looking maidenhood in the eye.” And wasn’t that a thought? A woman who would potentially be forced into the status of permanent maidenhood would accept just about anything in order to be wed. The laws of the kingdom were just, but they did no favors to women who were unwed. A woman facing that predicament would be desperate. And what better solution than becoming a future queen?

“Do you have such a woman in mind, then?” The king nodded.

“There is a woman I might have spoken to from the late Queen’s home country. Catalina of House Flores.” Jason shook his head, not knowing anything of that particular family or woman. “She has been deemed too headstrong by the men of her home and none have found her worthy of marriage. I have drawn up papers that would give her the title that comes with marrying Richard, but none of the power or other benefits outside of the title and the heir. He would be the sole ruler when he takes the crown, unlike those who came before him.”

“So, it would be as though he were widowed, without having been so?”

“Precisely.”

“And this lady is willing to accept that fate? Did you tell her of me?”

“I did and though she hesitated, she said she could come to accept a loveless marriage if it would not doom her to The Church.” Because that is where the Kingdom of Parbat sent their husbandless women. The Church of Ra’s. He had heard it a cruel and dangerous cult of followers to the king of the kingdom. The king who always wore the title Ra’s Al Guhl no matter what his birth name was.

Jason looked away from the king and back out the window, considering the idea. “What of Richard? What does he have to say about this arrangement?”

“I have not spoken to him yet. I did not wish to give him hope only to have you turn the idea down.”

“That is fair,” Jason admitted. Of the two, it would have been him that would say no. But his love was just as strong as his beloved’s and he would do anything to keep that light in his life. “Tell him I am his so long as he would have me.” Looking back over to the king, Jason found the older man smiling.

“You are like a son to me, Jason and had you not so clearly loved my son from a young age, I would have taken you in like I did Cassandra. I only wish I could call you my son through marriage, but at least I can call you one in private.”

Bowing his head, Jason silently took to compliment and adoration. He wasn’t sure how to react to it, so graciousness seemed to be the best option. It was a strange sensation to have someone think of him as a son after so many years of being fatherless. But it would be a lie if he, too, hadn’t always thought of the king as a kind of father.

“Someone will send for you when I have Richard’s answer,” the king stood from his chair and pulled the hood back over his head. “My son is a good man, better than I could ever be, and he will be all that I was never able to be. That will only be enhanced with you at his side, no matter the capacity.” Standing so he was level with he older man, Jason nodded.

“Richard is the best of all of us. It is an honor to say that I have his heart. It always will be.” The king placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze before he slipped back out of the room to head back toward the palace, leaving Jason to fully consider what exactly he just agreed to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fidgeting with the sleeve of his cloak, Richard walked briskly down the hallway that would lead him to the sitting room where the woman who had agreed to his terms of marriage was currently waiting. His father’s manservant and the closest thing Richard had known to a grandfather, Alfred, had come and informed him that the King, Queen, and Lady Catalina were waiting his arrival.

When he had questioned Alfred on the state of the lady, the older man had simply pressed his lips together and gestured for him to hurry. It was more telling than the man actually speaking.

She was not going to be a warm addition to the Wayne family then.

“Your Highness,” his personal guard, Victor, greeted him with a bow. “Shall I announce you?”

“In a moment,” Richard said, taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly. He repeated the action a few times before he gave a nod to the other man, who immediately opened the doors and stepped in.

“His Highness Crown Prince Richard.”

Stepping into the room, he let his sapphire eyes take in the stiff posture of his father and the politely relaxed posture of his stepmother before he looked at the woman sitting across from them. He made his way over but took mental stock of his future wife as he did. Chocolate brown hair and deep brown eyes that were almost black from his distance. Her skin was caramel colored as was typical for those from the country of Nanda Parbat. But her features were not as sharp as his mother’s had been, not as harsh. She could have been mistaken as almost warm if she hadn’t had an almost calculating look on her face.

And the smile that spread across her lips was probably meant to be friendly but was entirely too frightening. She almost looked at him as if she had won a coveted prize.

“Father, Mother,” Richard gave the customary bow of his head before stopping before the chair Catalina remained seated in. He wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He was fairly certain that standing for the royal family was something traditional in her home country just as it was in Gotham. “Lady Catalina, it is wonderful to finally meet you.” The woman watched him with that creepy smile before she almost looked surprised.

“I apologize,” she exclaimed as she shot to her feet and rushed into a curtsy. Richard might have believed her apology if he hadn’t already been set on edge by the look in her eyes when he had come into the room.

Glancing back at his father, Richard raised a brow before looking back to Catalina as she rose out of the curtsy. “Quite alright, My Lady. Will not be long before such formalities will be meaningless between us,” he appeased, gesturing for her to sit back down. Once she had taken her place, Richard eyed the chair next to her but decided to remain standing with his hands behind his back. It was more formal than he normally would have acted, but his instincts were screaming at him to remain formal for some reason. And his instincts had never been wrong in the past.

“Richard, we were just discussing how much more pleasant the weather is here in Gotham when compared to Nanda Parbat,” Selina spoke up before taking a sip of her tea and sending him a knowing look over her cup.

Richard hummed and nodded, looking down at Catalina. “Yes, from what I remember the few summers I visited Grandfather, it is quite balmy and hot there.”

“Suffocatingly so,” Catalina laughed lightly. “And the customs of modesty are much stricter than here in Gotham so you can imagine how much us women suffer in the heat.” Her words caught him by surprise, but he did his best to contain an outward reaction like his father had always taught him to do.

“I’m sure it is…a struggle,” he replied, looking at his father again. And he wasn’t surprised to find the guarded look on his face as he watched Catalina. Richard wondered if the woman had any idea just what kind of impression she was obviously making. “Have you seen the grounds yet? I was told you arrived early this morning while I was in the lower city levels.”

“I have not. I would not mind a tour, if you are offering Your Highness.” He hadn’t been but he supposed he would have to act like he had been now. Nodding his head, he unclasped his hands and offered his arm to the woman as she stood and rearranged her skirts. She gave him that creepy smile again as she took it, and Richard suppressed another reaction before looking down at his parents.

“Father, Mother,” he bowed his head again.

“Richard, before you go,” his father spoke up, standing and setting his teacup down on the tray next to his chair. “We need to discuss that treaty with Central Kingdom before dinner. So, when you are done with your tour, please find me in my study.” There was a knowing look in the older man’s eyes and Richard could have hugged him right then in thanks. He knew he was only bringing it up to allow Richard the chance to get away.

Nodding his head, he simply sent his gratitude through his eyes. “Of course, Father. I will come find you shortly.” Glancing back to Catalina, he found her watching him with calculating eyes. “Shall we, My Lady?” Her features smoothed back into what he was beginning to realize was her neutral expression as she nodded. Guiding her toward the door, he thanked the servant who held the door open for them so they could leave the room. “Come, Victor,” Richard called as he walked down the hallway. He didn’t really need his guard but having someone else around seemed like a good idea at the moment.

He walked the halls of the castle with Catalina on his arm, showing her various rooms and introducing her to the servants as they passed. And while she seemed interested in the places, he couldn’t help but notice the barely contained disgust when greeting the servants. The tone she used was strained and even the servants seemed surprised by the reaction she had to them. It wasn’t like the Wayne family to be anything other than completely respectful to the people working for them.

“Do you like gardens, My Lady,” Richard asked as they stepped out of the castle and headed down the steps in the back. He could hear his brother and sister laughing from somewhere beyond the stables and while he wanted to go see them, his instincts once again told him not to.

“I suppose,” came the bland response. He could feel her shoulder shift upward in a shrug, but he continued onto the gardens that his grandmother had taken great pride in. His father had worked hard to keep them pristine and they were definitely one of Richard’s favorite places to go to when he needed peace. “It is too hot to grow much of anything back home, but I see that is not the case here. How lovely.” The words were expected and proper, but the tone rubbed him the wrong way.

“Your Highness,” Victor’s voice came from a few paces behind them. Richard paused their walk and glanced at the guard. “Do not forget you are to discuss the treaty.” A reminder to Catalina, but an out for Richard.

Nodding, Richard turned back to Catalina and slipped his arm away from hers. “The hours have gotten away from us and I do need to attend to my duties. Victor will show you back to your rooms and your lady’s maids will help you relax and freshen up for dinner. Thank you for the conversation, My Lady.”

“I shall miss the company,” she responded, tone sickly sweet and Richard cringed inwardly. And though he wanted to just turn and leave, he instead stuck to tradition and gave a respectful bow before hurriedly walking past Victor and back into the castle. He didn’t bother looking back until he was about to enter into the stone building and found Catalina watching him. The look on her face shuddered, but the narrowed eyes told him enough that her observance was anything but kind.

“Your Highness,” came a familiar voice to his left the moment he had slipped into the building and out of sight of the woman he was to marry, catching him off guard.

“Ser Jason!”

“I see the future queen arrived,” Jason said as he remained leaning against a pillar in the entry way. At the mention of Catalina, Richard glanced over his shoulder again and frowned before looking back to Jason. “That is not a good look, My Prince.”

Sighing, Richard waved for Jason to walk with him because he did actually need to speak about the treaty with his father. “She is…I’m not certain what word to use,” he admitted as they walked. “Cold. Calculating, perhaps?” He thought about her reaction to the servants she met and the indifference to the stories of the family he had told her during the tour. “I’m not certain this is a good idea, Jason,” Richard stopped and looked at the other man, worry clouding his features. Jason frowned and placed a hand on Richard’s elbow.

“We don’t have to do this, Richard. It does not have to be her.” And though he knew Jason was right, Richard closed his eyes and sighed.

“I don’t have the time to search out another. The crown is mine in less than a year. Father wants me married before then. The council will not accept backing out of the agreement with Nanda Parbat.” But part of him didn’t care about any of that. Part of him knew that this was a mistake. That Lady Catalina would be a mistake.

“Is all that worth bringing in someone who is not a good fit for our country?”

Shrugging, Richard opened his eyes and looked at Jason. “Father would say it is not like she will have any power. Even if I were to die before an heir were produced, the contract does not allow her to be a ruler. Or even a Queen Mother if an heir is too young. Selina would take the position or Timothy would be called up. So, can I not just deal with the situation when she is nothing but a name on paper?”

“You can do what you feel is best, My Prince. You always do,” Jason commented. There was a but coming, Richard knew it. “But your instincts have never been wrong when it comes to people. And if you feel like this could be a mistake, then do not make it.”

Richard looked at Jason but remained silent. There didn’t need to be any words because he could see Jason’s intent clearly written on his face. And he knew Jason could see Richard’s resolve. Both men knew this conversation was pointless because even if Catalina were the vilest of people, Richard would still stick to his word and go through with the wedding. Because that was who he was.

He was a man of his word.

“Brother!” Cassandra’s voice snapped the two men out of their silent conversation, causing them both to look as she came hurrying down the hallway. “Father just told me to tell you he was waiting if I saw you. Hello, Ser Jason,” she smiled at the two men.

“Thank you, Sister. I am heading that way now. Will you show Ser Jason the new equipment we got for the guards? I wanted his opinion on the craftsmanship.” Cassandra bounced in place and nodded before grabbing Jason’s arm and dragging him off to the storeroom where the new items were currently stashed. “I’ll see you both at dinner,” he called out before they turned a corner. Once they were out of sight, he took a deep breath and continued on his way to his father’s study.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

201 AD

GOTHAM CATHEDRAL

Standing before the looking glass, Richard looked over the royal marriage garments with a twinge of distain and disgust. They were exactly what he would have worn to his hand fasting ceremony with anyone. It didn’t matter who would be meeting him at the end of the aisle, this is what he would have worn.

Except the small splash of orange and black in the jewel adorning his clasp. The colors of House Flores. Colors that clashed so horribly with the black, gold, and blue of House Wayne.

Colors that weren’t red and black.

Which was the real issue, and Richard knew that. He hated the garments and the colors because he was marrying the wrong person. He was marrying someone because he had to, not because he wanted to. Because he couldn’t marry the person he wanted to marry.

“Brother,” the soft sound of his sister’s voice broke through his daze, pulling sapphire eyes to her rich chocolate ones.

Turning to face her directly, he slipped a smile on. The smile. The one he wore in uncomfortable situations he had to be in despite the fact. A smile his family had called him out on plenty of times. “Is it time?”

“No, but I have someone who would like to speak with you,” she said, stepping into the room and letting the door slip shut behind her. He frowned and looked over her shoulder before looking back to Cassandra with a raised brow. “You can still put a stop to this.”

“I cannot.”

“You can. You won’t.” And maybe she was right. But he was to be king and if he didn’t follow the laws, how could he expect his future subjects to do the same. “You can rule without a queen.”

“And an heir?” He watched her scoff and yeah, he deserved that. There were laws in place to get around that issue. He wouldn’t have been the first heirless king. “I cannot go back on my word, Sister. If I cannot keep my promises, what kind of King would I be?”

“On this, the people would understand.”

“But Father would not.”

“He could come to.” Richard shook his head and let out a humorless laugh. Their father was many things, but understanding was rarely one of them. He was too by the book and too rigid in his ways. Even Richard knew this arrangement was pushing the limits he had. “You are making a mistake. Only death lies down this path. Death, loss, and pain. So much pain.”

She sounded so sure, so certain of her words and it surprised him. When Cassandra had joined their family, she had been mute. They eventually learned that her biological father had deemed it unnecessary to have her speak at all, as she was just a woman. It had taken years to teach the child to speak. Now, whenever she did, it was with purpose. She rarely said anything frivolous or untrue. So, when she spoke, he listened. But on this he couldn’t afford to follow.

“Who is here to see me?”

Her shoulders dropped in defeat as she stepped back to the door and pulled it open, revealing a nervous looking Jason. And if Richard didn’t already feel like a mess, he would have certainly felt like one at the sight of the man he actually wanted to marry.

“I will knock when Father is coming to collect you,” Cassandra said quietly as she slipped out of the room after Jason stepped in. Neither man acknowledged her words, but both heard them, and she knew it.

When the door clicked shut behind her, Richard closed the remaining space between him and Jason and pulled him in for a kiss. A kiss that spoke of so much more than he could say. Of promises he wished he could be making to the other man. Promises he would never be allowed to say outside of their small circle of family who knew and cared about their happiness.

“Richard…” Jason whispered against his lips, but the older man ignored them and pressed closer. He was in danger of ruining his clothes, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Not when this was all he wanted. “Richard, please My Love.”

And despite his desperate need to be close to the other man, Richard let Jason push him back a small space so they could look at each other. And he hated what he saw in the other man’s eyes. “You’re leaving.” He had seen that look in Jason’s eyes every time he rode away from the capital to protect their lands. Too many times had Richard had to say goodbye to the other man without knowing if he would ever see him return on his own volition.

“I am.”

“Why now?”

The question looked like it pained Jason to hear it and Richard wanted to take it back, but he also wanted to know what would make Jason leave at a time when he was going to want him.

“They’ve reached Central. The rider came early this morning and he and I have been in consul ever since. They’re heading straight here.”

Then there was no way to delay. The kingdom’s safety came first for both of them. Richard would never be selfish enough to ask him to delay his trip.

“And…” Jason cleared his throat and Richard took a step back, frowning. Jason’s hands slipped from around his waist to fall lifelessly at his sides. “You have a duty to attend to the next few weeks. My presence would get in the way of that.” And whether or not the other man meant it to, the words were like a sword in his back. Twisting into the depths of his heart from behind and poisoning him slowly. “I am not strong enough to see that.”

“So what?” Richard’s voice came out low, controlled just enough to hide the tremors he could feel in his body. “You remain gone until word of an heir reaches you wherever it is you go?” The words were said out of spite, but the bowing of Jason’s head told him he wasn’t wrong. “Jason…”

“I am weak,” Jason admitted softly, eyes trained on the ground and shoulders hunched as if he were trying to make himself seem smaller. A sight Richard had never seen of the other man. It was wrong. All of this was so wrong. This conversation, this farce of a wedding, his contract with a woman he couldn’t even find common ground with. All of it was simply wrong.

And Richard wondered if this was the start of the pain his sister had been warning him of.

“So, you just came here to say goodbye for an undetermined amount of time.” Jason nodded and Richard turned his eyes upward to try and ward off the tears he could feel building in the corners of his eyes. He wasn’t sure what else to say right then. Did he wish Jason well? Did he tell the other man he would be anxiously awaiting his return? Did he wish ill upon him?

But Richard knew he would never do that last one. Not to Jason. Not for this. Or for anything, honestly.

“Will you send word? I understand and accept that you cannot be here for your own wellbeing, but please do not leave me with nothing,” he asked, lowering his gaze to find Jason staring at him with his own tear-filled eyes.

“I will send you so many letters you will be sick of me,” Jason promised, pulling Richard close again.

“Never. I will never be sick of you.” Closing the remaining space, he pressed his mouth to the corner of Jason’s mouth before resting his forehead to the other man’s temple. “I will miss you more than words will be able to convey. But I wish you safe travels. Do not forget you take my heart with you.”

“As mine stays here.” A sharp knock on the door alerted the men to the approaching king and they stepped away from each other. With a sad smile, Richard pressed his fist over his heart and bowed just as the door to the room was opening, revealing his father in his formal robes.

“Ser Jason,” King Bruce greeted the man before looking at Richard, frowning for a moment before smoothing out his features. “You ride?” He turned to fully face the Slayer. Richard knew the bow his father witness told him all he needed to know.

“I do. King Barry sent word that a pod has reached Central. I am leaving now. Just…” Richard watched Jason glance to him before looking back to the king. “I just needed to say my farewells.”

Bruce nodded and Richard smoothed out his robes. “Safe travels, Ser Jason. We will look forward to celebrating your inevitable victory.” It was formal and tight, but Richard could hear the fondness and understanding. It was almost as if the older man knew Jason would not be returning immediately. “Richard, my son, it is time.”

“Of course,” he sighed. “Safe return, Ser Jason. I’ll await word.” Richard tried to smile at the man he loved but could only manage a pained half smile while the other man gave a bow of his own. Without another word, Richard hurried out of the room and past his sister who had been standing there frowning the entire exchange. He hated that frown, that gleam in her eyes. It made him fear the future.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He heard them before he saw them. The familiar voices of Alfred, King Bruce’s manservant, and Timothy floating to him well before the pair had even reached the spot he always met Alfred for the exchange of letters.

It had been over two months since the wedding of his nightmares and Jason had kept his word to Richard. Once he had returned to Gotham a month prior, he had called upon Alfred to give the other man the first of many letters.

And soon enough a routine developed.

Every three days Alfred came to the outer walls of the city and Jason gave the man a letter for Richard. After the very first, Alfred gave him a letter of his own in return. It had been the first splash of warmth he had felt since the morning of the wedding when Richard had left him to begin the preparations so he could marry someone else.

Jason had laid there in their bed for a long time after Richard had been swept away and wondered if any of it would be worth it. It hurt. More than any wound he had ever endured over his years and yet, he willingly went back for more each and every day. He just kept throwing himself at the feet of the one man in the kingdom that he couldn’t have. There was only one written law about marriage in the old laws. Only one commandment about who could never marry. A ruler, King or Queen, could never marry a Slayer. Jason could marry any other member of the Royal Family except for the one person he wanted to marry.

But after Richard had left the morning of his wedding, Jason had doubted. He had doubted that their love for one another was enough to outlive a marriage of convenience. He doubted it was strong enough to stand the tests that laid ahead of them. And when he got the letter about the dragon pod reaching Central, he thanked whoever had been listening to his turmoil.

It had been cowardly of him to leave immediately but he had been hoping for some excuse to get out of watching Richard marry Catalina. And the gods had listened. They had given him an out and he had taken it.

He didn’t regret it though.

As much as he missed Richard’s face and laying next to him every night, he did not regret missing the wedding or the past two months. He knew he would never had survived it. And if Richard’s words were anything to go by, he understood. And how lucky was that? How lucky was Jason to have someone who understood him so thoroughly?

“Ser Jason,” Timothy greeted with a wide smile as he and Alfred rounded the building he was currently sitting in front of with a waiting pot of tea and finger foods.

“Your Highness,” Jason said out of habit, standing to give him a small bow even though the kid would never expect it of him. But out where anyone could see them, Jason knew to keep up appearances. “Alfred,” he turned to the elderly man with a smile. The aging man who had been with the family for longer than King Bruce had been alive returned the smile before taking his seat.

“I do hope you don’t mind that Prince Timothy joined me today. He was quite insistent.” That made Jason’s eyebrows jump as he looked back to the prince who was pulling up an extra chair and taking his seat. Jason dropped back down into his once both men were seated.

Timothy gave Jason a wry smile before snatching a cookie off the tray. “I overheard Alfred talking with Richard about coming to do the letter exchange.” His tone was unapologetic, and the shrug cemented that fact. “Alfred is reserved and I thought you might like to hear how my brother is doing without his filter or Richard’s influence.”

“I would,” Jason agreed, nodding his head. “I would like that very much.”

“He is stressed,” Timothy commented before pausing when a server hurried out and produced a third tea cup with an apology. The young prince smiled his thanks. “Nonsense, you didn’t know I would be here. Thank you very much, miss.” The young girl blushed and asked if they needed anything else, but the three men shook their heads and she hurried off. “Catalina is…” Timothy stares off in the distance for a moment and Jason frowns before looking over at Alfred who just looks resigned. “She is going to be a problem down the road.”

Jason leaned back into his chair and remained silent as Alfred poured the tea into their cups and took a cookie for himself, placing it on his saucer. “The future queen is quite particular. About a great many things.” Alfred’s words cause his frown to deepen.

“Father and Richard have had some very private arguments about the situation, and I think it only aides in the situation.”

“What do they fight about?”

“Catalina is rude to the staff.” Jason nods, that he had already been made aware of. “And you know how Richard and Father are when it comes to respecting those who work for you.” Jason also knew that. There was too much honor between the two of them to not treat everyone with the respect they deserve. “Father thinks Richard is not handling it properly, but we’ve all heard him rebuke her. She is just…”

“Unkind.”

“That’s a strong word from you, Alfred,” Jason commented. The elderly man hummed and took another sip of his tea. “What else is stressing him out?”

“Your absence.” It was blunt and Jason tried to not take offense because that was just the way Timothy spoke. He didn’t sugar coat anything. “There are also some state matters. And the impending coronation. But he and Cassandra have had some hushed conversations that neither is willing to share. Though I’m pretty sure Alfred knows.” The young prince turned amused eyes onto the other man and Jason just chuckled when a white eyebrow raised in response.

“What did you wish to accomplish with this conversation, Your Highness?”

“Nothing, really,” Timothy shrugged and took a sip of his tea before snagging another cookie. “If I’m completely honest, I am here for Richard as much as I’m here for you. The letters are nice, but I do believe he’d like to hear more than the fact that you are simply ‘well’, as Alfred relays.”

And that was fair. He did appreciate hearing the truth about the state Richard was in. And he knew that Richard would probably appreciate the same. He might be able to see the other man at a distance, but the other hadn’t seen him since the day Jason had left. He couldn’t imagine how hard that would be.

“Thank you, brother,” Jason said warmly. The young man smiled brightly at the rarely used moniker before launching into a report of how the other people in the family were currently doing. The conversation wasn’t the usual one he and Alfred would share, but he had to admit that it was a nice change of pace.

So he just leaned back and enjoyed the company for the short amount of time he got it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

202 AD

GOTHAM CASTLE

There was something going on.

The air of the city had changed over the past week, and Jason could hear whispers among the gossipers. The women from the brothel who he let stay in his spare rooms were all a titter and it concerned him. Enough that he avoided the kitchen where there were three of them giggling.

“Oh Ser Jason!” Artemis called in greeting as he stepped out of his front door. She stood from the chair where she was mending one of her dresses. “An elderly man dropped this off for you very early this morning,” she said as she pulled a letter with a familiar seal on it from her apron.

Rushing forward, Jason snatched the letter and Artemis chuckled as she sat back down. But he ignored her and tore through the blue wax seal. Alfred wouldn’t drop off a letter out of schedule unless something had happened. Bad or good. There was news. His eyes scanned the familiar script of Richard’s hand until he found it.

Catalina is pregnant.

My Love, come home. I miss waking up to your face every morning. I hate this cold bed that you have left me to lie in alone. I return to it every night and lament that we are apart. My task is done. Please, my love. Please come home.

Letting out a huff of breath, Jason dropped into the other chair in front of his house and felt all the stress drain out of him.

“Good news then, Ser?”

Glancing over at Artemis, he blinked before a wide smile spread across his face. “The best news.”

“I take it your home will be empty for the unforeseen future?” Raising an eyebrow at her, he shook his head as she cackled. “You think the city doesn’t already know the future Queen is pregnant? You think those of us who love you don’t know why you have been staying here versus sharing your Prince’s bed?”

“You assume much.”

“Do I?”

Jason wanted to say yes, but instead he pursed his lips and looked out to the distance where the sun was barely lighting the sky. She wasn’t wrong, he knew that. He also knew how much of Crime Alley knew just who he was to the future king.

“Will you let the others know there’s a spare room now? Raven mentioned a new girl. Make sure she has a place to stay.”

“We always do. And I know,” she held up a hand to stop him from saying anything more. “If we need something, tell Ser Roy and he will see that it gets done or that you are made aware. Go to your prince, Ser Jason. We both know this has been a long few months for you. I do not wonder if it has been the same for him.” Jason paused for a moment longer before Artemis sent him an unimpressed look and he shot out of his chair, rushing back inside to gather the things he would immediately need. He could come back for his armor and other gear.

Slinging the leather bag over his shoulder, he took one last glance around the room before he hurried back down the stairs and out the front door. He decidedly ignored the catcalls from the women in his house as he gathered up his horse and mounted her. He also ignored the words called out to him as he carefully rode through the city levels toward the palace. He didn’t need to think about just how many people knew exactly what it was he was doing. And how so many people knew about the pregnancy before he did.

He wondered if Richard had done that on purpose.

“Ser Jason,” Victor, Richard’s personal guard greeted him in the courtyard. “Shall I send your horse to the groom? Richard is having breakfast in your rooms.”

Their rooms.

Because he got to have that honor with Richard and Catalina did not. The doubts he had continued to be plagued with over the months melted away at the simple statement. Victor hadn’t even thought about it. It had been natural, and Jason felt more at home then he had since the day he rode to Central on Richard’s wedding day.

“Yes, the groom would be good,” Jason nodded, patting the flank of his horse before he headed up the steps. He made sure to keep his gait steady and calm, giving an air of relaxation despite the desperation he felt.

He smiled and returned greetings sent his way. He paused to speak with a few servants who he had grown up with. With each step he felt more and more at home.

“Ser Jason, you have returned,” Cassandra appeared in the hallway just as he was getting ready to round the corner to the hall where Richard’s rooms were. Pausing he smiled at the woman and nodded. Her gaze was concerned but friendly. “He has missed you. But he waited a week before he sent word about the baby, to be sure no one thought poorly of your return. But she has been pregnant for three months now. The doctors say the pregnancy should stick.”

“That’s good. I am…” He paused, thinking of the right way to phrase his thoughts. “I am glad for the parents to be.” Cassandra let out a huff of air and he could see her holding back a smile. “I shall see you at dinner, if not sooner.”

“Hmm, something tells me no one shall see either of you until tomorrow at the earliest,” she said teasingly before turning to walk the opposite direction. Jason watched her go with a chuckle before he continued on his path.

The deep oak of the door was so familiar and for a moment Jason stood there with is forehead resting against the cool grain of the wood. The happiness he had been missing for over half a year now was right on the other side of the door and it was almost overwhelming to think about how close it was. The familiar scent of Richard and the warmth of his skin. The sapphire blue of his eyes that no painter ever seemed to be able to get exactly right. The glint he got in his eyes when he laughed one of those deep belly laughs at something stupid someone said. The way his jet-black hair curled just so over the tops of his ears.

It was all finally within his reach and though his heart ached with the need to see the other man, he suddenly felt nervous. Despite the letters, despite Richard writing out his feelings for Jason, he couldn’t help but wonder if things had changed. Despite the fact that Richard had begged him to return home in the letter that was still in his pocket right then.

“How long are you going to stand there like a fool?” Jason whirled around to find Roy, one of the guards and his best friend, leaning against the opposite wall with a wide grin on his face. “I know what you’re thinking, and you need to stop. You need shut that brain off and just go in there. You have not had to deal with him while you have been gone. You got to avoid all of this, but he has been in the thick of it. And he has been stuck with a woman who is manipulative.” That made Jason frown, but Roy ignored him and pushed away from the wall. “So, you are going to suck up whatever you’re feeling and you’re going to go in there and make him smile again. A real smile. Not the fake one we have had to see since you left. Got it?”

“Roy, what did she do?”

“I’ll tell you tomorrow out on the sparring fields.” Glancing back at the door, Jason considered pressing the issue. “Go,” Roy said before he could question it, moving forward to land a hard knock on the door before pushing it open. “Ser Jason Todd,” Roy announced him as he shoved him into the doorway with a firm hand on his back.

The door was shut behind him before Jason could say or do anything, but once he caught sight of Richard half risen from the chair near the balcony in their main sitting room, he didn’t care. It had been too long since he had been in the same room as the man he loved more than his own life and he couldn’t be bothered to think about anything else.

“You came.”

“Did you think I wouldn’t?” Richard straightened and took a few steps toward him before stopping and shaking his head. “Did you really think I would break my word?”

“I didn’t want to hope. There…” Richard looked off just beyond Jason’s shoulder and the younger man frowned at the look on his face. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was, but he could see what Roy had been hinting at. He could see the stress lining the elder’s eyes just as Timothy had mentioned. And he could see the way his clothes hung off him in an unnatural way.

“My Prince?”

“Hope has not been my friend as of late, My Heart.” And if Jason’s heart hadn’t already ached for the other man, it certainly would have started to then. But he didn’t want to dwell on that right then. No, there would be time to hear what things the prince had placed his hopes on only to be let down. Right then there were more important things.

So instead of questioning, Jason closed the space between them with nearly silent footsteps and gathered the other man in his arms. And perhaps everything up to this point had felt like coming home. The greeting in the courtyard, the conversation with the servants, seeing Roy, it all had felt so familiar. But this? This was the moment when he was really coming home. With his arms securely wrapped around Richard, his face buried in Richard’s hair while Richard pressed his to the spot where Jason’s neck met shoulder. This was home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

203 AD

GOTHAM CASTLE

“He is beautiful, my lady,” Richard said softly, taking the bundle from his wife’s nurse. The words held more warmth than he had ever spoken to her and while he felt some guilt at that, she had known what she was signing up for.

“What shall you name him, my lord?” Glancing over at his wife, not at all surprised to find her already proper and looking as though she wasn’t giving birth just an hour earlier, Richard furrowed his brow.

“I do believe I like him as Prince Damian.”

“The tamer,” Catalina muttered, huffing a breath. She obviously didn’t approve but thankfully tradition didn’t cater to her feelings on the matter.

“Powerful man of the people,” Richard corrected. Though, she was not technically wrong. The name did mean both. But he had liked it for the meaning of being a man of the people. He prided himself as the people’s king and he wanted to raise his heir to be the same. His wife sighed and leaned further into the pillows propping her up. “Do you need anything, my lady?”

“Quiet and sleep. Take him to the wet nurse or keep hold of him, I care not. Just remove yourselves from my rooms so I might rest.” There was coldness in her words and though Richard had never known her to be a particularly warm woman, he hadn’t thought she would be the same with her child.

Glancing down at the sleeping baby, he frowned. “You don’t wish to nurse him yourself?”

“No. Now leave.”

And he did, with one last glance at his wife before he exited her room and found himself in an empty hallway unsure of what to do next. He had never been left alone with a baby who had just been born and he wasn’t sure what to do.

“Shall I call the nurses, Your Majesty?” Glancing over at his guard, Victor, Richard considered it. Did he want to hand off the child and just be done with it? Or did he want to keep his son for a bit longer. Damian had fallen asleep in his arms when he had taken him from the nurse initially, but he wasn’t certain how long he would go before he needed to eat. And Richard knew he certainly couldn’t handle that.

Looking back to his son, he ran a finger along the chubby cheek. “Send the nurse to my study. I will speak with her in there,” he said. The other man looked surprised but gave a bow and headed in the opposite direction of where Richard himself would be going.

It wasn’t until Victor turned the corner that Richard headed toward the room where he had asked the guard to send the nurse. And through the silent halls, usually bustling with servants or other members of the household, Richard kept his eyes on the sleeping boy in his arms. This perfect creation from a situation that was anything but.

His silver lining.

“Richard!” The surprised shout of his name caused him to stop short as he pushed his way into his study. “I thought…” Jason’s voice trailed off as he took in the small bundle in Richard’s arms. “Is that…?” Nodding, Richard fully entered the room and let the door shut behind him as Jason rounded the couch he had been seated on. Richard could see a book lying face down, open on the cushion next to where he had been seated.

“This is Damian,” he told the younger man when Jason came to a stop in front of him. “My son.” Looking down that the boy in his arms again, Richard could feel the same warmth of love he felt when he was around the people he cared about the most.

“He is beautiful, My King,” Jason commented quietly. “How is his mother?” And though he said it without inflection, Richard could tell it pained Jason to do so. It pained him to see the man he loved have what they had always wanted together with another person, a woman at that.

“Resting,” Richard replied, watching Jason as he watched Damian. “Indifferent, it seems.” That caused Jason to look up at the other man and Richard pressed his lips together.

“You are concerned?”

“I don’t want him to wonder if he was loved.”

“No, Richard,” Jason raised his hands and gripped Richard’s face. “She is not Talia and you are not your father. He will never doubt your love. I cannot speak for Her Majesty, but I can speak for you. And you will never let him think he is anything other than cherished.” But Richard wasn’t certain that what Jason was saying was true. How could he be? He was newly crowned and he knew that was when the dynamic between he and his own father had changed. Would it be the same with him and his own son? “Stop, My Love. Stop.”

“How can you be so certain?”

“Because I am certain of who you are. And I am right here to remind you of the fact, should I ever notice the need.” A knock on the door was the only thing that stopped Richard from leaning in and stealing a kiss at that moment.

Instead of calling out like he usually would, not wanting to risk waking Damian, he stepped away from Jason and let the other man walk over to the door and pull it open. The nurse Victor had retrieved stood on the other side, visibly surprised to find Jason answering the door. But she gathered herself quickly when her eyes landed on Richard and Damian in his arms.

“Your Majesty,” the nurse said softly, bowing after she had entered the room. “I am Stephanie and am to be your son’s nurse. I was informed that Her Majesty does not intend to nurse him herself, so I will handle that. I can care for him throughout the day so you can go about your duties as usual.”

“I would like him close.” The woman tilted her head in question and Richard looked at Jason, who gave him a nod, before steeling himself. “You may care for him and nurse him as he needs, but I would like him with me. Which means we will need to have you briefed on security and the other things you will encounter while working in close proximity.”

“I will have Victor prepare the necessary procedures,” Jason said before he slipped out of the room.

There was silence between the nurse and himself for a moment before the woman seemed to relax a little. “I was worried how much you would want to be involved in the baby’s life at this stage. So many fathers want nothing to do with their children until they are well behaved and polite.”

“I never want him to doubt my place in his life or his in mine. He is my heir, but he is my child. And I want to be sure he knows he is my child before he is my heir.” The smile he got in response was blinding and surprising. “But there are some things you will be made privy to working this close to me and I need your word and bond that what you witness will remain between us and other parties involved.”

“You refer to your relationship with the Slayer? The entire kingdom knows you love each other.” Richard smiled and nodded his head toward the couches before he moved to sit in one of the armchairs. Stephanie followed and took up the place Jason had previously been occupying. He watched her glance at the book before looking back to him. “There are plenty of speculations about a possible treaty of sorts between you and the queen regarding Ser Jason. I take it I am to learn of what is the truth?”

Glancing down when Damian shifted in his arms, Richard rocked himself gently to make sure he didn’t wake up, before looking back to the young woman. “There is a treaty of sorts. She is my wife in name alone. And now that she has provided me with an heir, she is only a name on paper. She will never have power and she will never have my heart.”

“That does not seem fair to her.”

“It is nothing that wasn’t made perfectly clear to her before she even traveled across our borders.” He knew it wasn’t traditional among the citizens of the city. They married for love and rarely was there any purpose to do anything other than that. But Richard had not been in the position where he could have done the same. Looking down at the baby in his arms, Richard sighed. “I cannot marry the one I want. Not because I couldn’t find a way around the laws, but because I cannot ask my kingdom to follow the laws when I am willing to break them for my own desires. I want my people to follow me because I am fair and just. Because I love them and do not rule by fear. So, I had to marry someone who could provide an heir, at least in theory. And I needed to marry someone who the law allowed.”

Looking back to Stephanie, he gave her a sad smile. “The laws of old may be old, but they are fair. And a ruler cannot marry a slayer. It is one of the only laws about marriage.”

“And what of your brother? Could he not rule so you could marry for love?”

“He could, but he loves someone who will never be able to provide him with an heir. And I could never ask him to give up what I would not. Love is…” He sighed and looked away, trying to think of the right term for what he felt.

“I understand. Maybe not about love, but I understand why you found the compromise that you did.” Richard looked back to her and nodded. “Your people paint you in a light that is most flattering. They sing songs about the great king you will become. I never thought they were right. Your father is just, but he is not one of us.”

“Neither am I,” Richard laughed, and Stephanie let out a chuckle of her own, nodding in agreement.

“No, you are not. But you are kind and selfless. You would give up the greatest gift us commoners could get just so your brother would not have it taken away. That is why the gods have blessed you in abundance. You have the man you love, a beautiful son, and the love of your people.” It was an interesting perspective and he supposed she might be right. “There was great celebration when you were crowned. There will be more celebration for many years to come, mark my words.”

Silence fell between them and Richard thought about the faith that this woman, and the other citizens of Gotham, had placed in him. He could only hope they would not be proven foolish to do so. He had been raised to take the crown and it had been a struggle to keep his heart warm through all he had seen under his father’s rule. He was a good man, but he ruled with a rigidness that had never been Richard’s. No matter how much the elder and the council had tried to make it. He would never been without his emotion and his heart.

“Now, may I relieve you of your son and feed him?”

“Oh, I didn’t realize that even if he wasn’t crying he was hungry.”

“Being born is quite exhausting, but it has been hours and I doubt he has been fed as of yet.” With wide eyes, Richard handed over the small bundle and bit down on the guilt that they could have held off on this conversation until after Damian had been fed. “Don’t fret, Your Majesty, not even mothers realize this at first. Now, as far as feeding. I can do it in your presence or in another room. Whatever your comfort level.”

“Um,” he hesitated, trying to think of the right answer to that particular situation. He wasn’t sure if it was proper, but he wasn’t sure if it wasn’t either. If it had been Catalina, he would have probably left the room, but that was out of awkwardness more than propriety.

Stephanie laughed and moved toward the door. “I will go to the room next door and return once I am finished. You consider what your comfort level is and let me know once you decide.” He could only nod as she slipped out of the room and Jason came back in after holding the door for her. Victor followed him in and the pair raised their brows at the slight flush on Richard’s cheeks.

“Do we want to know?”

“Likely not,” he breathed, waving a hand as he slouched in the chair a bit. “I have filled her in on the situation but Victor, if you could draw up the contract and go over the formalities, I would greatly appreciate it.”

“My King,” the other man nodded, giving a bow before he exited the room as quickly as he had entered.

Richard watched Jason make his way over to the spot he had been sitting in earlier, leaning down to pick up the book, mark his place, and set closed on the table next to the couch. He looked preoccupied and deep in thought, and Richard wasn’t sure how to ease whatever worries plagued him.

“My Heart?” Jason hummed and looked over at him as he lowered himself onto the couch. “Where are your thoughts?”

“Everywhere, if I am to be honest,” the other man said, drawing one knee to rest with his foot hanging off the couch while his other foot remained on the ground. He leaned into the corner and rested an arm along the back of the couch, looking the very picture of relaxed. But Richard knew better. “I wonder how the interactions between you and your wife will be now that Damian is here. I wonder where the little prince will rest at night. I wonder if things will change between us now that another occupies part of your heart.”

“Never.” Richard leaned forward and rested his arms on his legs, looking at Jason seriously. “There is plenty of room for my love and my son. And nothing changes between Catalina and me. She is still just a name and a title. She feels much the same, given the dismissal I received earlier. And Damian will sleep with Stephanie for the time being, I suppose. At least until he can sleep through the nights on his own and doesn’t require feedings the moment he wakes.”

“You have thought about this?”

“I do not need to think about this. I do not need to consider things when it comes to you,” Richard told him honestly. Pushing to his feet, he closed the space between them and slipped right into the lap of the other man with practiced ease. “You are like breathing. You are natural. I do not need to think about this because my place is by your side and yours is by mine. To make a decision without you already considered in the outcome would be unnatural, abominable even.” Taking Jason’s face in his hands, he searched the man’s sea green eyes for understanding. “You could leave me tomorrow and I would still have no room for another lover in my heart. You will always have the space by my side and the cavern in my heart. The entire kingdom knows of my love for you despite me having married another. And if either of us were less honorable, I would have had your hand instead of hers. I do not know how I can make it clearer that my heart, my world, will always be yours.”

Jason shook his head and placed his own hands on Richard’s face, drawing him a hairsbreadth away. “You don’t need to do anything else. I know. It is never you I doubt. Never you.”

“Then what is it you doubt? What can I do to ease it?” Richard stared down into Jason’s eyes and waited, observed the other man observing him.

But instead of answering, Jason slipped one of his hands from Richard’s cheek to the back of his neck and pulled the older man the remainder of the way in for a kiss. It wasn’t an answer, but at the same time it was all the answer that Richard needed. Whatever brought the doubt to Jason’s mind wasn’t important. Or at least it wasn’t more important than Richard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

208 AD

GOTHAM CASTLE

There was peace in the air and though Jason enjoyed it, it also put him on edge. Nothing good lasted forever, in his experience, and that meant they were due for some kind of event. Be it in the family or the country, he knew something was coming.

“Who do you think will tire first?” Jason looked up and shielded his eyes to see Richard’s brother, Timothy, standing near him. The young prince was speaking to him, he had no doubt, but his eyes were on his older brother running around in the open field with his five-year-old son. The child had been gifted his first sparring sword for his birthday two weeks prior and the pair had done nothing but spar in Richard’s spare time ever since.

“Damian, of that I have no doubt,” Jason retorted, chuckling as he lowered his eyes back to the pair that were circling each other now with their swords ready to strike or defend.

Timothy chuckled and dropped into the grass next to Jason. “I do suppose my brother has an unnatural amount of energy for a man in his late twenties and an entire kingdom to run.” And Jason knew that all too well. Just the night before Richard had been up until the early hours of the morning, working on ironing out details for a treaty with another kingdom. And not to mention helping in the preparation for Timothy’s upcoming handfasting ceremony.

“Where is the other groom today?”

“With his family, wandering the city streets. There was mentions of wanting to support some of the local businesses.” Jason glanced over at the other man and raised an eyebrow. Timothy waved a hand and rolled his eyes. “They’re searching for a gift for Richard. King Clark was appalled that no one told him that the visiting king is supposed to gift the hosting king something for holding the ceremony in his kingdom. I told him it was foolish, and that Richard is the last to care, but Father was there, and we all know how he can be.”

Jason snorted. “Yes, we all know how he can be when it comes to tradition.”

Silence passed between them as they sat there and watched father and son continue to clash with the wooden swords in their hands, their laughter and the clack noise the wood made when their swords came into contact with one another the only noise save the birds and slight rustling of leaves. It was comfortable and familiar; the pair having known each other for most of their lives. It was the kind of silence that only came from being family.

But Jason knew there was a reason Timothy had chosen to sit with him, he just had to wait.

“Did he marry her for me?” But that was not what he had been expecting the younger to ask. With a furrowed brow Jason looked over at Timothy and waited for more. “He could have stepped away from the crown. He could have relinquished his claim to it so he could marry you. Asked me to take the crown instead. Did he do it so I could marry Kon?”

Pursing his lips, Jason looked back out to Richard just as he dropped to the ground and let Damian “win” by stabbing him in the leg with his dull sword. “That might have been part of it, but mostly I think he married Catalina because he loves the people of Gotham. And because he is honorable down to his very core.”

“And you? Would you have allowed him to step down so you two could have your life together?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because he would regret it. Maybe not immediately and maybe not for years to come, but once I had fallen and he was alone, he would certainly regret it.” Looking back at the young man sitting beside him, he considered him carefully. “And your brother is the least selfish person any of us will ever have the pleasure of knowing. Your happiness will always come before his own.”

Timothy sighed and shook his head as he gazed out at his brother and nephew. “But what of your happiness?”

“We talked about our situation many times over the years,” Jason admitted. “We both knew eventually he would need to marry someone who was not a Slayer and someone who could provide him with an heir. Or at least attempt to do so. We knew what was coming.” It hadn’t made it any easier to watch the man he loved promise himself to another, especially not someone as cold as Catalina, but they had known. “The night he told me that the time had come, he told your sister that he wanted you to get what your heart desired. He knew she had her soon-to-be betrothed and that he would have his wife, but at least you could be with someone of your choosing.”

“I don’t know that I could ever be so selfless.”

“No one could. Not even your father, I don’t think. But Richard loves with every fiber of his being but it means there is no room for him to love himself in the same capacity.” There was more to say, but Jason paused when Damian came running over as Richard chased with.

“Uncle Timothy! Come fight with me! Father is too foolish,” Damian reached out and tugged on Timothy’s hand, prompting the man to stand. “You must come! Tomorrow you marry and I won’t be able to fight you without Prince Kon stepping in to fight for your honor.”

“Dames!” Richard laughed loudly despite the admonishment. Jason laughed just as loudly, but Timothy chuckled and took the sword from Richard’s hand. “No bruises! Your uncle has to look perfect tomorrow.”

Damian responded with a hard tug on Timothy, pulling him out into the field where he and his father had just been sparring.

Dropping down in the spot that Timothy had previously occupied, Richard leaned sideways into Jason’s side. “That child is too headstrong. Are we certain you are not his sire?” It was a frequent joke amongst the family and Jason took a bit of pride in the fact that even if Damian wasn’t his, he still had traits attributed to Jason.

“Oh no, My King, that is all Richard of House Wayne. He is your child through and through.” The point was punctuated with Damian helping Timothy back to his feet after having swept them out from under him.

“Perhaps, but there is no doubting your influence on him.” Jason looked over to Richard and found the other man smiling softly at him. It was a look that Jason had seen many times over the years, but one he would never tire of seeing aimed at him. The open adoration and fondness on Richard’s face was one he only showed a small handful of people. Jason and Damian being at the top of that list. “What were you and Timothy discussing before Dami interrupted? Anything important?”

Jason waved a hand, “Important but not urgent.” It was as close to the truth that Jason was willing to get. No reason to get Richard concerned. “He was also telling me that King Clark is in the village in search of a gift.”

“Oh goodness,” Richard laughed, leaning back onto the tree behind them. “I’m sure that is Father’s doing?” Jason nodded and smiled at the laughter that fell from the other man’s life. “Honestly, what a foolish tradition to uphold. But I’m sure the shop he spends his money in will surely appreciate it. Perhaps I can find a worthy person to take whatever it is he gives me.”

Jason kept his eyes on Richard and felt his chest warm as the other man spoke. So selfless, just as he was saying to the younger Wayne, that he would take an unwanted gift just because someone’s business benefited from its purchase. Most people knew of the King’s heart, it was a favorite subject of the songs sung about him, but Jason often wondered if they really knew how deep that love went. He had never met another person who loved other as much as Richard did. Not even a mother and her kids. There were limits to how much they could give, but Richard seemed to have his love in endless amounts.

And Gotham was all the richer for it.

“What?” Richard’s voice snapped Jason out of his thoughts, and he found the older man looking at him curiously. “Is there some dirt on my face? I told Damian throwing dirt was fighting dirty, literally and figuratively.”

Reaching out to brush a streak of dirt from the other man’s cheek, Jason just smiled when Richard laughed again. He opened his mouth to say something, but snapped it shut again when he saw movement just beyond the field. His eyes shifted to see who was coming their way and Jason felt his smile fade away at the sight of the Queen.

“What…?” Richard questioned, noticing the shift in Jason’s demeanor. But Jason saw him glance over his own shoulder and knew when his body went tense that he saw who had caught Jason’s eye. “My Lady,” Richard greeted, stiff but not unkind.

“I have come to collect our son for his lessons. That is quite enough foolishness for the day,” the woman commented, coming to a stop near Jason and Richard’s spot under the tree and folding her arms over her chest. It was a challenge and Jason knew Richard would tell her to back down if he felt she was out of line, but he also took Damian’s learning seriously.

So, he wasn’t surprised when Richard pushed to his feet and brushed himself free of the dirt. “Of course, his lessons are important. But do not forget that as his father and King, I am more than capable of deciding which lessons take precedence at the moment.” And Jason so desperately wanted to smirk at the scowl that now covered the woman’s face. It was no secret she was becoming increasingly hostile toward Richard (and Jason), sometimes taking that hostility out on Damian. The entire staff and family were aware of the arguments Richard had had with her in his study or her rooms, berating her for treating anyone other than himself poorly. He always told her she was welcome to be that way with him because he could not give her the relationship she wanted, but he wouldn’t stand for her treating others that way.

She always acted remorseful after, but Jason was never fooled.

“Damian, my son,” Richard called to the boy, moving into the field to retrieved him. Jason kept his eyes on Catalina as she turned her golden eyes onto him, distain clearly written all over her posture. And while he wanted to return the look, he instead kept his face neutral and his posture relaxed.

“Hello Mother,” the boy called as he walked up to the woman. Jason hated to formal tone his voice took while speaking with the woman. “Father says it is time for my lessons. Is it to be History or Mathematics today?”

Catalina’s eyes went from Jason and turned to Damian, the distain melting to indifference. Something a mother should never feel for her child, but not surprising in this case. The woman had been indifferent from day one and Richard had been right to worry about it, considering it hadn’t changed at all. But instead of dwelling on it, he did what Jason had always known he would. He threw his entire being into raising the child to be just as good and open as he was.

“History for now. Your tutor shall decide if you can handle anything else this afternoon. Now come,” the woman turned and walked away briskly, Damian following quickly but not without throwing a wave over his shoulder to the three men who remained behind.

“My King!” A servant called from the direction of the stables and Jason frowned as he watched Richard slip into his role of king before heading over to the man who had called for him.

“I do not know about you, but I am ready for afternoon tea. Would you like to come? I believe King Clark and Kon will probably be returning any moment now.” Jason considered Timothy’s offer while he watched Richard speak with the stable boy for a moment before he glanced over and sent Jason and Timothy an apologetic look.

Standing up as Richard followed the servant to the stables for whatever reason, Jason looked over at the younger man. “Tea sounds good. Perhaps we can persuade Alfred to give us some of the wedding cookies he has been preparing.” Timothy chuckled as the pair of them headed back to the castle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

216 AD

CRIME ALLEY

LEVEL 3 GOTHAM CITY

Handing over a few gold pieces, Jason accepted the wrapped package and thanked the woman before turning and continuing his trip down the street. Once a week he walked the levels of Gotham, when he was in the area at least, to be sure none of the people were in dire need of anything. If he noticed something off that he could handle himself, he would. If it required more than he could provide, then he took the matter to Richard and the King did as he always did: he provided for his people.

He was currently on his final walk and was glad to say he would not need to be setting anything at the feet of the king later that evening when they retired. Outside of a few small stalls needing some business, which he had happily provided, the city seemed to be flourishing.

“Hello Ser Jason!” A few kids called as they scrambled past, chasing a ball that he had fashioned for them a few months prior.

“Careful, you hellions!” A vicious voice called out before Jason could call back his greeting and it was one he was surprised to hear this far from the castle. Turning to look in the direction the voice had come from, Jason spotted the rich orange cloak the Queen had chosen to wear. He wondered if she was trying to be subtle and just failing miserably or if she was here for reasons that didn’t require her to hide.

“My Queen,” Jason greeted when the woman came to a stop before him. While the villagers all gave a bow and called her ‘Your Majesty’ as was proper, Jason had never been required to address the pretender as anything in particular. “What is it that finds you in Crime Alley?”

“You,” she said, her face shifting to hide her emotions as best as she could. And though the villagers would not notice anything, Jason was well versed in the woman before him. He knew how she functioned and who she really was. After all these years, how could he not?

Glancing around, Jason found some people openly gawking at the Queen but most had gone back to their business.

“Shall we discuss this here or…?”

“Of course not,” she snapped and Jason only raised a brow. “Some place private.” He was not liking the direction this conversation was taking, but he said nothing and simply walked away. Either she would follow or she wouldn’t and he could get on with his scouting. But a glance over his shoulder showed she was right behind him, so he cut into the first quiet alley he found and turned to face her.

“What can I do for you?”

“That is how you address your Queen around the commoners?”

Jason laughed and crossed his arms over his broad chest. “You are not my queen, Catalina. You are a place holder and nothing more. You knew it long before you traveled from your dusty hell hole of a country to Gotham. You are powerless here.” Catalina snarled at him and took a step forward but Jason didn’t back away. He did glance over her shoulder to be sure no one was watching them. “Now,” he said, tone pleasant, “what can I do for you?”

“I want you to leave Gotham. I want you to ride out tomorrow and hunt the dragons beyond the kingdom.” Jason frowned and wondered how she knew about the pod near Ethiopia. And why she wanted him to go. They were further out than he usually bothered so he had held off on the journey when word had come.

“Why would I do what you’re asking?”

“Because I can play a very dangerous game with the heart of the man you love,” she smirked. He narrowed his eyes. “You know he visits my bed once a year to appease the council.” And Jason did know that. He remembered just weeks ago when he had joined Richard in a bath after he had returned and did everything he could to get the other man to forget the act he hated so much. “I have not bled as I should have the last week.” Jason felt his heart stutter. Another child. Another person to love. But he was caught off guard by the vial she produced. The liquid was cloudy and greenish, all together unappealing. “This will steal the life within me. It will extinguish the child before they even have a chance.”

“You witch,” Jason growled, taking a step toward her. But he paused when she uncapped the vial and lifted it to her lips. “You would destroy your husband and son just to best me? What good would me leaving when I would just return.”

The smile that curled her lips told him enough.

“Because you won’t be returning. You will fall and he will build you a pyre for your return.”

“How could you possibly know that? How could you possibly think I would agree to break his heart like that?” But wouldn’t the other do the same? Richard loved Damian so much and the prospect of having another child would thrill him. The loss of that child before they even got a chance to live would break his heart and Jason isn’t sure even he would be able to fix that.

“I have my ways. But the choice is yours, Dragon Slayer. Either you or the child.” He took a step back and watched as she put the cap back on the vial and placed it back into the folds of her cloak. “I have had enough of your presence poisoning my husband against me. He will be mine and Damian will love me over you. Your death will ensure that.”

He didn’t bother telling her that it wouldn’t work. That her plan would fail her and neither of them would love her the way she wanted. But he knew what he needed to do.

“I will go.” It was sooner than he had planned, but he had always known Richard would be the one to bury him. It was just a fact of the life of a Slayer.

“You will act as if nothing is different. You will not warn him, and you will not treat this voyage any differently than all your previous ones,” she instructed, and Jason nodded, shoulders dropping slightly in resignation. She stood tall, radiating victory.

He hated her more in that moment than he ever had.

And as he watched her walk away, he swore to whatever god was listening that he would do anything if it meant she would not get away with this act.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

216 AD

GOTHAM CASTLE STEPS

It was a sight Richard didn’t think he would ever get used to, honestly. The gold of Jason’s armor and the crimson of his cloaks were always so stunning. And it suited the man just perfectly. So many of the previous slayers had worn the house colors of the King of the time, but since the Wayne line had taken the crown the slayers had worn what they pleased. A small handful had worn the blue and black of the family, but most had gone with what they had deemed best.

“My King,” Jason bowed deeply with a smirk on his face as Richard finally made his way down the steps with Damian trailing behind him. “My Prince,” he greeted the younger man much more softly. It made Richard’s heart clench.

“I received word that you are to ride.”

Jason hummed and straightened. “There have been sightings coming through of a pod of three out near the Ethiopia boarders.”

“That is a far ride,” Damian spoke up, moving to stand next to Jason as Richard moved to run a hand along the nose of Jason’s most precious mare. Hood greeted him with a familiar snort and nudge to his side, questioning if Richard had treats for him. Instead of responding, he just rubbed his neck.

“It is, but I would rather them not get closer to our lands. Not whilst we approach the dry season.” Richard understood his reasoning, but he didn’t like it. Since the messenger had come and told him Jason would be riding out, there had been something heavy in the pit of his stomach. A feeling that was getting worse by the moment.

“You go alone?”

“I do, for now,” Jason answered him. Richard considered the answer with a narrowing of his eyes, causing Jason to laugh. “I have allies within the lands and can call upon them if the need arises.” That was all the comfort that the slayer would give the king, Richard knew that. If Jason were staying within their lands, he would have his choice of soldiers to aide him. But outside of their borders, it could be considered aggressive to have members of another king’s army ride through.

“Will you bring the scale like you promised?”

Reaching forward, Jason ruffled Damian’s hair and laughed. “I shall do my very best.” The young man let out an excited noise before he smiled at his father and headed back up the stairs to continue his studies for the day. “My King.”

“I know you don’t wish to risk them coming closer, but must you go when they are already so far away?” It was a selfish request, and he had no right to ask it of Jason. And more than that, Richard knew Jason would deny him the silent request he was making. “Can you not wait for them to come closer?”

“You know that I cannot.”

Dropping his gaze and sighing, Richard nodded. “I know you cannot.” But it wouldn’t stop him from wishing he could. Because the feeling in his core was getting worse and Richard knew he was moments away from ordering Jason to stay and that would only cause strife between them. He had promised the other man that he would never stand in the way of his work so long as he was king. His father had been too controlling when he had been king, Richard refused to be.

“I will return, Richard. I always do,” Jason spoke softly, and Richard felt him slip closer. In the courtyard they were exposed and not away from prying eyes. But they were also among people who were well aware of what the two men were to each other. And no one, not even a citizen of the city, would try to tell a king who he could love.

So Richard reached out and wrapped his arms around the hard armor and rich material of the cloaks, burying his face in the crook of Jason’s neck. “I know you always do. But it will never be easy to say our goodbyes and watch you ride off to certain danger,” he muttered into the skin of Jason’s throat. Jason’s only response was to wrap his own arms around the older man and hold on just as tightly. “I love you,” he said after a moment. “I love you and I shall be here when you return.”

“And I love you, My King.” Stepping back, Richard gave his best attempt at a smile and watched Jason mount his horse with practiced ease. “I shall return before you even have the chance to miss me. Mark my words.”

Instead of replying, Richard simply held his fist to his heart and gave a bow. A motion usually reserved for servant to king, but to the man getting ready to ride off to keep their kingdom safe, Richard had never been just a king. And to Richard the man riding away was so much more than a dragon slayer.

He was everything.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

217 AD

GOTHAM KINGDOM SEPT

LEVEL 2 DIAMOND DISTRICT

Richard could hear the footsteps behind him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up with from the body lying in the middle of the holy temple. He couldn’t bring himself to do much of anything since word had come in that Jason had fallen in battle and was coming home to be buried.

“Father,” a soft voice called from just behind him. Turning, Richard looked at Damian briefly before he turned back to Jason. The rich red of the shroud they had dressed him in for the pyre was the late slayer’s color of choice and it suited him well, even in death. “Father, I am so sorry.”

And though he adored his son more than anything in the world, Richard could not find it in him to say anything in response. Instead, he held out his hand and waited for the young man to take it. It was a comfort to have him there. Even if part of him wanted to send his son away so he didn’t have to witness his father’s moment of weakness. But Jason had loved Damian and Richard knew Damian had loved Jason.

“Do you think he knew I thought of him as another father?” Looking down at the boy abruptly, Richard felt his brows pinch in the middle. He hadn’t known his son had felt so strongly for the man he had loved for so long. Yes, obviously there was love but paternal love? But then Jason and Damian had had a different relationship to the one he shared with his son. One that had been a bit more candid at times, so he supposed it was possible Jason knew how Damian had felt. Jason had certainly felt that way. “You love him so I, too, love him. He always had words of wisdom and tales of his travels. I will cherish those.”

Dry eyes blurred with tears at his son’s words and Richard had to clench his jaw so not to sob. Once he was sure he could speak, he took a deep breath and released it slowly. “He felt the same for you. He…” Swallowing hard, Richard looked back to Jason and reached forward with his free hand to take Jason’s cold one. “I do not know that I will recover from this loss. I feel as though the world has been stripped of all its color, all its joy.”

Though Richard knew he would go on because what choice did he have? He had a kingdom he to run and he had to care for a son who was barely thirteen years of age who depended on him since his mother was hardly a mother at all. No. He would press on because it was required of him and it was what Jason would have wanted him to do.

“Your Majesty,” the call of one of the guards stationed near the door called out, drawing Richard’s attention. “Your father is on his way. His manservant thought you would like the warning.” Nodding his head, Richard took the moments he had to gather and compose himself. He saw Damian frowning at him, but a small smile from Richard settled the boy for the moment.

“Would you like me to leave?”

“No, my son. I feel I would be much better should you be willing to remain at my side.” Damian gave Richard a nod and the elder man sighed in relief, squeezing the hand he held tightly in his own. “Father,” he greeted weakly when the doors opened, and former king appeared. The man wasted no time in taking the steps that led him down to the center of the temple where his son and grandson stood.

“Richard, I am so sorry,” was all that was spoken before he found himself wrapped up in the arms of his father. And then, in that moment with his father holding him and his son clutching his hand, Richard allowed himself to cave to the tears that had been threatening him since the word of Jason’s demise had come in the early hours of the morning.

In that moment, he allowed himself to fist his father’s cloak and stain the material at his shoulder with his silent tears. He allowed himself to be weak. To take the comfort being offered to him. Because in that room he wasn’t a King. He was just a boy who had lost someone he loved more than his own life and didn’t know how he was going to recover.

He could feel Damian’s other hand clenching the material of his tunic and Richard tried to focus on that. He tried to pull himself back in, gather his emotions and lock them away again. There was much to do, and he knew he could not hide within these walls indefinitely. There was a ceremony that he had to be a part of in just a matter of hours and he was expected to give a speech. But how could they expect him to stand tall and speak of the man they all saw as brave and he saw as the entire world?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

217 AD

GOTHAM CITY CENTER

“It is no secret that House Wayne has always held the highest respect for those of the Dragon Slayer occupation, but Ser Jason always held a special place in our lives due to the fact that he was the last remaining slayer. The last of his line and the last of a profession of bravery and strength.” Richard sat tall in his chair as his father stood before the kingdom who had come to witness the pyre of Jason. He held his head high and back straight, hiding the pain in his heart as best he could. He tried to draw strength from his son standing on one side of him while ignoring his wife on the other. The woman had worn the customary black gown of mourning and placed a veil over her face, but Richard was not fooled. She was not mourning Jason’s death.

He couldn’t say why, but she had almost seemed unsurprised when he had informed her of Jason’s death. And that worried him. But he didn’t have time to focus on that. He had to remain strong for the others in the kingdom.

He did, however, wonder if he should even bother. It wasn’t as if most of the land didn’t know that the late slayer and their current king had been in love with one another. Even after his marriage to the Queen, villagers constantly spoke of Jason to him when he walked the lower streets to listen to the people. Catalina had rebuked them when she had come with Richard and he had never allowed her to join him again.

They had known of his love and had to know he was in pain.

But would they draw comfort in the sight of their king suffering? Or would they see his weakness and think poorly of him?

“We will honor Ser Jason Todd with the Feast of Seven Days as we do for members of the royal family because he is one of ours. The doors to the palace and sept will be open to each and every citizen of Gotham to pay their respects and to join us in our grief.”

The murmurs of surprise amongst the crowd didn’t surprise Richard in the least. When Damian had suggested the celebration extending to the Slayer, Richard had immediately agreed. The rest of the council had mentioned the people would probably appreciate the gesture but would likely be surprised. Never had the Feast of Seven been held for anyone other than that of Royal blood or marriage.

With a glance from his father, Richard stood to his feet and moved forward to accept the burning torch from Roy, one of the guards who had been close to Jason. The two men stared at each other for a moment before Roy bowed his head and Richard took a deep breath, stepping forward to the pyre that Jason’s shroud covered body laid upon.

He raised the torch. “To the last of the Dragon Slayers, to the greatest of the line, to the fallen soldier, and to the man behind the sword. The world is a colder, darker place without the splash of crimson from your cloaks and your sea colored eyes. May those of us who have been left behind honor your legacy and never forget your bravery. May we never forget your strength and your character. May we never forget your love and kindness to those who surrounded you.” There were cheers and some clapping in agreement from the citizens who had gathered, and it made Richard’s throat tighten. Too many people who had loved the man he had been in love with. Too many souls left without him keeping an eye on them anymore. But Richard had already promised protection to those who Jason had always protected.

Tipping the torch forward, he let the fire catch on the kindling that had been laid out. Turning to his right, Richard was surprised to find Damian waiting to take the torch to light another patch but handed it over with minimal hesitation. He watched his son do the part he had expected his father to do, as tradition usually dictated. Kings and former kings to honor the fallen.

“He asked if he could,” the deep rumble of his father’s voice sounded to his left after he had stepped back from the pyre. “I felt a break in tradition was acceptable in this instance.”

Richard nodded and turned his eyes from the sight of his son’s face, glowing in the fire light, and looked to the body slowly being consumed by the same fire. With a shaky hand, he placed his fist over his heart and bowed one final goodbye to the man he had spent most of his life loving.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

217 AD

GOTHAM CASTLE

“Your Majesty?” Richard looked up from the scrolls he had been going over and found one of his most favored guards standing in his doorway. Waving the man in, he quickly signed his name at the bottom of the page and rolled it up, sealing it carefully and placing it with the previously completely ones. His work had become back logged due to the days of feasting for Jason and his focus being on the people of Gotham during the time. But the seven days were over, and his duties could not be put off any longer.

“Yes, Victor?”

“There is a crone here to see you.” Richard frowned at that, wondering why a crone would want to see him. “She said she has some information about our late Dragon Slayer and that she would only speak with you.”

Pushing to his feet, he pressed his hands to the top of his desk and leaned heavily on them. “Send her in and remain close.” Victor nodded and walked back out of the room before returning with a weathered woman who looked old enough to have birthed Richard, but not to have earned the title of crone.

“My King,” the woman gave a bow, her voice speaking more of age than her physical appearance. “I am Madame Xanadu.”

“The healer from the lower levels. The servants speak of you fondly. They tell me you have great power.” The woman made no move to confirm or deny the claim and Richard found that curious. Those with power usually wanted others to know it. It was a rare thing for someone to simply let others form their judgments. “What can I do for you, Madame?”

“There has been a betrayal in your House, and I want to make you aware of it. I cannot keep silent on the matter and I have done what I can to help for future’s sake, but what has happened cannot be undone.” Furrowing his brows, he sat back down in the chair he had previously been in and waved to the one opposite him for Xanadu to sit as well.

“Who is the betrayer and what did they do?”

“The woman who calls herself Queen and mother of your son.” The blood in his veins froze. He didn’t know whether or not to believe this woman, but the idea of Catalina betraying him was not one that he would struggle with. “She came to me two years prior and asked me to help her with a problem. She weaved a story of a husband so in love with a man he couldn’t have that he was failing as a husband. She told me of how this husband had stolen her child’s affections from her and given them to his lover.” Xanadu paused and Richard forced himself to hold her gaze. She wasn’t far off from the truth, but he could see how his actions could be viewed as heartless.

“Did she tell you who she was?”

“No, but she did not need to. Her aura is incredibly unique.”

“And what did she ask of you?” With that, Xanadu remained silent and considered him. “What?”

“You do not try to defend yourself. It is curious.”

“Is it? Though not fully accurate in her description, she is also not entirely wrong. I did love a man that I was unable to be with for crown and duty. She was made aware of this long before I accepted the contract that would bind her to me. And that man did love her son and her son loved that man, because he was present and because I loved him.”

“It is a good thing for a king and a man to admit that he is not perfect. The people love you very much for that attribute.” Richard nodded. It had been a fault of his father’s, unable to admit when he was in the wrong. But he had never struggled to accept his wrongs and make amends. “She wanted your lover out of the way. She wanted to be sure neither of you would find happiness with the other. Now and in all future lives. But she also wanted to be sure that you would always be close enough to hurt over that fact.”

So, she was to be cruel. That surprised Richard. Catalina had never been particularly kind, but she had never shown cruelty as a personality trait. “And your response?”

“I will tell you what I told her word for word. But I want to know I will not be punished for my actions. And I have something for you to help ease the future.” Considering the words, Richard leaned back in the chair. Did he trust this woman to promise that? Was she just as at fault as Catalina at this point? But did it matter? Jason had fallen at the hand of a dragon and Richard could not blame them for that. It was always meant to be his fate.

“You have my word on my honor as King of Gotham.” Xanadu nodded once and placed a small vial on the desk.

Richard watched her slightly weathered hand wave between them and then a voice filled the room without her opening her mouth. “I will do this thing you ask of me. I will lay the curse to keep their souls tethered to one another, but never to belong to the other. But as I feel for you in your darkened marriage bed, I feel for the love they are unable to proclaim due to duty and country. So, heed this: should one fall before the age of eight and ten, the curse shall lift, and they shall be reunited to share the life you have denied them.”

Closing his eyes, he tried to hold at bay the pain the truth filled him with.

“You have many lifetimes of pain ahead of you, my King,” Xanadu’s voice pulled him out of his head and pain. “I am sorry for my part in this. I cannot take back the curse now that it has taken hold of you both. But this vial will promise you that Catalina will only have a presence in your life once the curse has come to an end. It is a small comfort that I can offer you.”

He stared at the vial for a moment before reaching forward and taking it into his hand. Such a small thing with such big promises. “Thank you for this small comfort.”

“It is far less than I wish I could give. You are destined to be a great leader in each life you live and your Slayer will be a great protector in each of his,” she told him, and Richard closed his eyes. He knew his Jason could be nothing but a protector. His very soul was created to look after those who could not look after themselves. He was just too good deep in his heart. “Might I give a piece of advice though, My King?”

Blinking open his eyes, he gave a nod of his head for her to continue.

“Put your Queen on trial. I will testify before the council if I must, but you do not want your son to be influenced by her darkness. He has great potential, but evil women will poison his mind if you do not intervene.”

“Women?”

“Hmm?”

“You said ‘women’, not woman. Is there another I should be cautious of?” The woman frowned at him and Richard could see the considering look in her eyes.

“Not in this lifetime. But you will get to him in time in the other.” He wanted to know more. He wanted details so he could be prepared, but he knew she wouldn’t give them. And he knew there was a good chance he wouldn’t remember the information any way. He didn’t believe people took their memories of previous life with them past the grave. “I must take my leave. But you can find me in my shop should you need me to speak to the council.”

Pushing to his feet, Richard rounded the desk and walked with her to the door. “Thank you for coming forward with this information. I will come for you if I require your words,” he said as he pulled open the door for her. The elderly woman looked up at him and gave him a sad smile.

“Your time with him shall come. It may seem as if it will never come, but I promise it will. I will leave you with that comfort.” Unable to say anything in return, he simply bowed his head in respect, and she gave a soft laugh of surprise before bustling out of the room.

Lifting his head, Richard looked directly at Victor who gave him a nod confirming the question unspoken. He had heard every word.

“Send for my father and prepare the calling cards for the council.” Victor pressed a fist over his heart and gave a nod before turning to walk briskly down the hallway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

217 AD

GOTHAM CITY CENTER

“Her former Majesty Queen Catalina is hereby sentenced to death for conspiring to murder the great Dragon Slayer Ser Jason Todd,” the head guard read off the scroll in his hands. Richard stood there, chin held high and back straight, listening to the murmurs of the crowd below as the rumors were confirmed. It was one of the few days where the crown he wore on his head felt heavy. For so many years he had enjoyed his duties and he had managed to go through most of his rule thus far without sentencing anyone to death. But the council would not let this betrayal stand. Though his father, Head of the Council, and himself had said the dungeons would be enough, the rest of the state heads had demanded her head. Quite literally.

Jason had been loved almost as much as Richard himself. He had been important to their traditions and had protected the kingdom since he was young. He had been the last of the Slayers and the people deserved to see his legacy protected by putting his murderer, however indirectly, to death. Richard knew they were right, but he still felt wrong for it.

This was his son’s mother.

He could feel Damian behind him, hand clenching the deep blue of his father’s tunic, and Richard’s heart went out to the boy. He couldn’t imagine having to hear his mother would be executed.

With a deep breath, Richard stepped forward and looked at the woman who had been his wife for near 15 years now. “Do you have anything to say for yourself, Catalina of House Flores?” The sneer at the lack of title was not surprising to Richard but she had been stripped of her titles the instant the courts had found her guilty of her part in the death of Jason. Richard felt no pity.

“I don’t regret it for a single moment. I look forward to witnessing your lifetimes of pain,” she spat out, standing tall with her hands bound behind her back.

Without responding to her or the gasps amongst the crowd, Richard looked to his guard and nodded. The man looked furious as he turned at the woman who had been his queen. Stepping back, Richard held his hand behind him so Damian could cling to it as they watched the woman who had such an important role in both of their lives be moved to the chopping block.

“You can leave, my son. You do not need to watch,” Richard said softly, glancing down at Damian. But the young man shook his head and looked at his father with wide eyes.

“I must watch justice be delivered. I must stand by your side.” And though he wanted to argue that a young man of his age did not need to see such violence, there were younger in the city who had seen worse. And he himself had seen his first execution much younger. Despite the facts, Richard wished he could spare his son from seeing such cruelties. Even if he was to be king one day.

Glancing over to the other side of Damian, Richard found his father watching him as he stood with Selina, Timothy, and Cassandra, frown deep on his features. When their eyes connected, he could see the sympathy in the older man’s eyes.

“Out of respect for our King and Prince, we behead you for your crimes against crown and country. There is honor in your punishment, but do not be fooled, there is no peace for those who take the innocent from our world,” the executioner said, unsheathing his sword as the guards pushed Catalina to a kneeling position at the chopping block. The man was right. Beheading was usually reserved for those who deserved an honorable death, the former queen did not.

“I shall see you in the next lifetime, my love,” she managed to call out just as the sword was raised and fell in a precise arch, slicing through flesh and bone. There were cheers from the crowd and when Richard looked out at it, he found Madame Xanadu considering him with her all-knowing eyes. And he was reminded of the promise and the vial she had given him, the one he had consumed the very same day she had given it to him. He wasn’t going to chance that he took it too late and it would no longer work.

With a smile and a bow of her head, she vanished into the crowd and Richard’s focus was pulled back to his duties as father and King.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PRESENT DAY

GOTHAM CITY

Dick snapped to the present almost violently to the point where he came to and immediately pulled himself onto his hands and knees to empty the contents of his stomach. He briefly registered Jason groaning next to him before he felt hands gripping his shoulders as he continued to heave.

He couldn’t pinpoint what it was that was affecting him so much. Was it the fact that he and Jason shared so much history with one another? Or was it that she had done more damage than just what he could remember from the current life?

Or maybe it was Damian.

The mere thought of it brought tears to his eyes. The son he had bore with someone who had ruined every chance of real happiness in his life. Or lives, however you wanted to look at it. The boy that should have been his in each and every lifetime but wasn’t in this one.

“Dick? Dick, come on answer me,” Jason’s frantic voice finally broke through his haze. And that’s when he realized he wasn’t just puking his guts out, he was gasping for breath with tears streaming down his face.

But Jason couldn’t see the tears, not with the way his head was bowed at the moment.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” he gasped out, trying and failing to take a deep breath. He felt Jason’s hands squeeze his arms as the man helped Dick fall back to a seated position.

“That was not quite the reaction I was expecting from either of you at the revelation.”

Dick flinched at the sound of the entity that had sent them back in the first place and he felt Jason do the same. Reaching up, Dick wiped the back of his hand over his mouth and scrubbed his face with his hands before looking over at Jason. The younger man didn’t look any better than Dick felt.

“What the fuck was all of that?”

“A glimpse of what was. Only some of what was. You two have fate threads so intricately entwined that I can barely see where one starts and the other ends. But they always end on separate paths.” Fate came to a stop a few feet from the pair on the floor and Dick felt Jason pulling him up to his feet despite Dick not really being in any state to stand just yet. “It was a cruelty serviced to you those years ago. But the veil has been lifted and now you may finally find each other.”

“Why…” Dick gasped out, coughing taking his breath for a moment before he straightened himself up again. “Why would you interfere like this?” He tried again once he could breathe.

“I told you, I was feeling generous.”

“Bullshit.”

“Mind your tongue. I have the power to strip the memories from you so that you continue this legacy of near misses.” Fate looked at Jason, anger burning in their eyes at the disrespect.

“But why were you feeling generous?”

“I was gifted these sacrifices and yet you eliminated those who did it. Someone had to take it.” Dick rubbed at his forehead and sighed. It made as much sense as it was going to. Magic and gods and whatnot never made sense to him. He’d have Zatanna explain it to him later. “But now I must go. You have company coming and I would rather not be trapped in that battle.”

Before either of them knew what was happening, the entity was gone, and Dick felt like his breath had been knocked out of his chest.

“I got you,” Jason whispered, arms wrapped around him and backing him up away from the spot he had emptied his stomach out at. Before he knew it, Jason was helping him settle on a nearby crate.

He had just knelt in front of Dick when the doors to the area were kicked open and Batman, Red Robin and Robin were storming into the room. But neither Dick nor Jason looked over at the three, they just looked at each other as the truth of what they saw settled between them.

“Nightwing.” No response. “Hood.” Batman’s growl was getting annoyed but neither man looked his way. It was enough for Damian to push past the other two men and go straight to his brothers’ sides.

“What happened?” He demanded, trying to get a look at Dick, but Jason held his ground and unlatched his helmet. “What is going on? We couldn’t get in the room for almost thirty minutes and neither of you were responding on the comms.”

“Thirty minutes?” Dick looked at Damian with a frown before looking back to Jason. “Felt longer,” he said softly.

“Like a couple of lifetimes,” Jason added with a snort.

“That’s enough. What happened?” Dick looked at Bruce and frowned, shaking his head.

“Let’s get back to the cave, we’ll give you a rundown there. ‘Wing could probably use some fluids.” Dick gave Jason an annoyed look and the other man just raised an eyebrow as if daring him to fight him. Sighing, Dick nodded and let Jason and Damian help him to his feet.

“Destroy the alter. It’s worthless as is, but don’t tempt anyone who might come across it,” Dick told Bruce and Tim. He saw Bruce look at Tim and the younger nod before he set to work at destroying the thing.

“The car is outside; Red Robin and I will bring your bikes back for you.” It was a testament for how uprooted he and Jason both felt that neither of them argued the order.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason paced in front of the gurney as Alfred hooked Dick up to the IV line that older man had agreed would probably be a good idea. His mind was scattered, and he was desperately trying to get it back in line before Bruce came back. There would need to be explanations, but he and Dick needed to talk first.

“Thanks Alfred,” Dick said, leaning back into the pillows as he watched Alfred work. Jason could see his gaze bouncing from Jason then back to Alfred, but he didn’t say anything to the younger man, so Jason kept his focus on figuring his shit out.

“Of course, Master Richard.” Jason looked over at Alfred and saw the man already watching him. “I feel as though you two need to speak so I will take my leave and make sure Master Damian does not bother you.”

“Thanks, Alf.” Alfred simply nodded at Jason as he walked out of the room, shutting the door to the med bay behind him. Looking back to Dick, Jason stopped at the foot of the bed and sighed. “There’s a lot we need to talk about.” Dick hummed and gave Jason a half smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes and Jason wasn’t sure how to take that. “But right now we need to decide what we’re going to tell Bruce.”

“We’ll give him an abridged version. Just tell him about the curse the she put on us and that we had a trip down memory lane. It might be his past too, but he doesn’t need to know the details of it all.” It was clinical and detached. Jason could tell Dick was trying not to feel the emotion of it all and he honestly couldn’t blame him. But it did worry him a little.

“Do you want to stay here tonight?”

“No, fuck no. I don’t care if he tries to shackle me down, we are not staying here. I can’t.” That made Jason raise a brow.

“Is that something he’s done in the past?” Dick let out a laugh and let his head fall back into the pillows as his eyes slid shut.

“He’s threatened.”

“Well damn.” Jason wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

“We can stay at my place unless you’d rather one of yours?” That surprised Jason a bit. He knew that he and Dick would be in for a long talk, but he figured the other man would want some space to figure things out before they did. “Why do you look so surprised?” Jason blinked, a little shook that he hadn’t noticed Dick was looking at him again.

“I just…” How did he word this without making an ass of himself?

“You thought I wouldn’t want you there?”

“No, I just thought you’d need some space.” He watched Dick shake his head before holding out the hand that didn’t have the IV hooked into it.

“This is an us thing, we do it together.” And the relief Jason felt at that was more than enough. So, he took Dick’s hand and finally dropped into the chair next to Dick’s bed.

“We can go back to yours. Roy’s at the only one of mine that is stocked for living currently.” And while Jason could have easily kicked Roy out, he knew his best friend was trying to hide out.

“Doesn’t Roy have a house…?”

“You know he does. He told me you were there to hang out last week,” Jason snorted. “He’s avoiding Artemis for some undisclosed reason so he and Lian are hiding.”

“That must be why she called me earlier today. I haven’t listened to the message yet.” Jason shrugged and looked down at their clasped hands. “Hey Jay?” Shifting his eyes to look back to Dick, Jason raised his eyebrows in question. “This is okay, yeah? We’re good?”

“Yeah, Dickie. We’re good. We’ll get it sorted.” And that included whatever the hell it was that kept bringing those lines of sadness around Dick’s eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you going to tell me what else is bothering you?” Jason’s voice was soft in the darkness of Dick’s room and it made Dick’s heart ache more than it already did.

“More than all these lifetimes of happiness that were stripped from us because of one jealous woman?”

“Yes.”

Dick sighed and closed his eyes, though in the darkness it didn’t really matter. He opened them as soon as the image of him holding an infant flashed through his mind. The image that he couldn’t get out of his head any more than he could get Jason’s cold body ready for the pyre. Or the bloody mess of a man he held as he took his last shuddering breaths. Or the letter he had received from the British Army in their most recent past life. Flashes and lives that were slowly piecing themselves back together the longer time passed from Fate opening the floodgates.

But no, he knew that wasn’t what Jason was referring to and it would be disrespectful to what they were to lie about it now.

“He was mine, Jay. He was mine and not only did she take you, but she took him.”

“Damian.”

“I knew it the instant I met him that something wasn’t right and now I know and I don’t know if I can face him or B until I get my head back to where it’s supposed to be.” Dick could see Jason turning his head to look at him as he stared at the ceiling. It was a short moment later when Dick felt Jason’s hand slip into his own. Turning to look at Jason’s face only lit by the moonlight flooding in the room from his open windows, Dick shifted onto his side to fully face him. “And because I took that potion that kept Catalina from being in our lives until this one, I lost him too.”

“I remember feeling like he was mine. It’s strange, given our relationship now,” Jason admitted. Dick could understand that. Catalina had been a distant mother. She hadn’t cared beyond what providing the heir and marrying the crown prince would do for her. And that selfishness had only grown into what she expected from him, which in the end was what got Jason killed and the two of them miserable and not together.

“He thought of you as a father as well. He told me…told me when he found me mourning you.” As if having the memory of Jason dying once wasn’t enough, he now had multiple lifetimes worth of memories of his death.

“I know it sucks having to have buried me so many times, but I gotta say it’s pretty badass to say I killed fucking dragons for a living in one of my lives. I mean, I was the shit,” Jason laughed, and Dick couldn’t help but smile in response.

“I guess that’s one upside.”

“There’s a lot of upsides, Dickie. We might have had too many almosts to count, but there was still so much love.” Jason shifted to his side so he was fully facing Dick and it made Dick’s chest ache. Who knew all this time that emotion he felt whenever he saw Jason was so much more than just affection? “It’s hard to separate how I felt all those years and how I feel now, but maybe that’s because I know what it is I’ve been feeling all these years.”

“I know what you mean.” Squeezing the hand Dick was still holding onto, he let out a soft breath. “Do you think if Fate hadn’t shown us, we would have missed the opportunity?”

“I think we would have wasted some more time, but we would have figured it out eventually.”

“So much time lost.”

“Not anymore, though. From this lifetime on, she can’t touch us.”

“No, she’s done her damage. She lost.” Jason smile turned sad at that, but Dick knows he’s happy more than sad. “For all the shit we’ve pulled on each other in this life, I’m glad it’s you Jay. I just want you to know that.”

“I’m glad it’s you too, Dickie.” Dick frowned when Jason released his hand but closed his eyes when the warm palm was placed on his cheek instead. “And this thing with Damian and Bruce, we’ll figure it out. Okay?” Dick nodded, but kept his eyes closed. “It’s okay to not be okay. You told me that countless times over countless lives, remember?”

“I remember knowing I wasn’t going to see you again that first time. At least not alive. I had no idea how I knew it, but I knew.” That fear that had gripped his heart, he had felt it too many times to count now. “I had that feeling before I left for that Titans mission. When I was saying goodbye, I wanted to ask B if I could bring you with. I couldn’t explain it.”

“If I hadn’t died, we would still be stuck in that loop.” And that was a good point. It didn’t really make him feel any better, but he could acknowledge that Jason’s too young death had ended another lifetime of almost and so close. “And at least Madame Xanadu kept her word about Catalina not being in your life until this one. Though, I wouldn’t have expected her to be quite what she was in this lifetime.”

“A rapist.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them and the dread the filled his chest at the thought of Jason knowing that particular truth was almost suffocating.

“Dickie?” He felt Jason shift and the bed dip in a way that told Dick that the other man had sat up. Shaking his head, Dick sat up and swung around so his back was to Jason and his legs were hanging over the edge of the bed. “Dick. What happened?”

With a sigh he ran a hand through his hair and scrubbed at his face. “You know what happened with Blockbuster and what she did. You know all the shit that had happened back then, but only Donna knows what happened right after she shot Desmond.” And telling Donna had been hard. Much harder than this, mostly because it was fresh, and he was a mess. But he had moved on and he had gotten his head sorted.

“What. Happened.”

“I was having a panic attack, thinking I might as well have pulled the trigger since I stepped aside and let her do it for me. So, I went up to the roof to try and get some air, hoping to just be able to breathe. She followed me and…well she took advantage of the attack. And she didn’t listen when I told her no.” There was silence and Dick knew Jason was processing what he had said. He knew how Jason felt about sexual assault, which was part of the reason why he had never mentioned it to him or any of the others in the family. Especially not Jason though. They might not have been on good terms when it happened, but Dick didn’t doubt that Jason wouldn’t have tried to take action once they had gotten there.

“Only Donna knows?”

“Yeah.”

“Is she dead?”

“What?” Dick twisted to look at Jason, not surprised at all to see the control fury on his face. The brilliant green of the Pit edging in on his turquoise eyes.

“Is Catalina dead?” Nodding his head, Dick frowned when Jason seemed to relax a bit. “How?”

With a furrow of his brow, Dick tried to remember what exactly had happened according to the reports he had read. “An inmate at Blackgate was someone she had helped put away, albeit reluctantly given her tendency to kill. I don’t know much more than that. I’m sure B had the account on the computers.”

Dick just watched Jason nod and take a few deep breaths, relaxing even further.

“You really should tell Babs about that. She’s still strongly convinced you cheated on her with the bitch,” Jason told him. And yeah, Dick knew that, but it was easier to deal with her thinking lowly of him in that regard versus having to tell her that she basically opened the door for Catalina to take advantage of him. That their breakup had just been another thing to push him toward his breakdown. “But you won’t tell her, will you?”

Shaking his head, Dick laid back down and stared up at the ceiling, hands gripping his hair. “I’ve thought about it, but it doesn’t change anything. She and I are still friends and work together just fine. It’d only make her feel bad. I don’t want to be the cause of that.” Jason let out a laugh that was sharp and made Dick clench his jaw a little.

“You’re too fucking good for this world, Dick. I have said that in every single lifetime, but it will never stop being true.”

“I’m not too good for the world. I’m just what I need to be to deserve you.”

Jason snorted and Dick sighed when the warm length of his body laid back down next to him. “Fucking sap.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Todd, I swear on all that is good in this world if you do not move I will gut you where you stand,” Damian glared at the older man and Jason just frowned and shook his head. And while he wanted to default to his usual annoyance with the kid, he knew this was a delicate situation and Dick would appreciate it if he could handle it as such.

“Damian, look I get it okay. I know you’re worried,” Jason said, and Damian scoffed. “You are and we both know it. But the thing with Fate brought some tough stuff to light for both Dick and me. And he’s having a hard time coming to terms with some of it. You need to give him time. He needs, deserves, that much.”

Jason watched as Damian looked from Jason to the door the other man was blocking with a deep frown etched on his face. And Jason wished he could tell Damian it would all be all right, but he didn’t know. Dick was pretty messed up and in the darkness of the previous night he had spilled that pain to Jason.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“God, no kid. No.” Jason said it firmly, gripping Damian’s upper arms and crouching just slightly (when had he gotten taller?) to look him in the eye. “I won’t lie and say it’s not about you, but it is absolutely nothing you did. And it’s nothing Dick or anyone in the family did. It just…it just is. And he’s having to reconcile with it.” Straightening, Jason gave his upper arms a light squeeze before letting go. “Why don’t you come hang out with me in the kitchen. I was going to make him some food before you stormed the gates.”

“That would be acceptable,” Damian said, his default mask of indifference falling back into place. But Jason could still see the worry lining his eyes.

They had been assembling the fixings for omelets for about twenty minutes when the bedroom door finally opened, and Jason could see Dick running a hand through wet hair. He paused midway when he spotted Damian sitting on one of the stools at his island. The boy had definitely heard the door open, but Jason could see he was intentionally allowing his brother the chance to decide if he was ready to face him or not. Dick stood frozen and while Jason wasn’t sure how to handle the look of pain on his face, he did put the knife down and headed to where Dick stood, pausing briefly to squeeze Damian’s shoulder on his way past.

“He showed up thirty minutes ago demanding to see you. I told him no, but he’s convinced that it’s something he did. So, I let him stay for a bit.” Jason kept his voice low and Dick didn’t bother looking from the back of Damian’s head to Jason. “He’ll leave if you want him to. He doesn’t understand, but he will.”

“I don’t know what I want.”

“That’s okay, too.” He watched Dick take a deep breath before closing his eyes and rubbing at his forehead. “You can try and if it’s too much then you can go back to the bedroom and I can get him out.” Sapphire eyes met his finally and Dick nodded.

“Yeah, okay.” Jason ignored the new and yet deeply engrained desire to grab Dick’s hand and let the other man lead the way back to the kitchen. “Hey Dames,” Dick said softly when he reached the stool, slipping onto the one next to his. The younger turned his green eyes onto his oldest brother and gave a tentative smile, which grew when Dick opened his arms for the hug he always demanded when he saw the kid.

Jason just huffed a laugh and went back to making breakfast. He dutifully ignored the silence behind him and just let the two have their moment. He wasn’t sure if Dick would be able to handle much, but he also knew that Dick tended to allow himself unlimited amounts of pain in order to make his siblings feel better.

This was different though, the voice in the back of his mind whispered.

“Father is quite beside himself with worry about what happened. Will you come talk to him?” The request made Jason tense up and turn to look at the exchange. There was a flash of pain on Dick’s face before he schooled his features again and shook his head.

“I don’t think so, Dames. Not yet. It’s hard to explain, but I just need some time.” Damian looked like he wanted to argue but simply nodded his head instead. And Jason was glad for the impact Dick had had on the kid because when he had first arrived there was no way he would have taken no for an answer.

“Is there anything I can tell him for you then?”

“You can tell him I’m not mad at him. That is not the reason I’m staying away right now. He knows what the overall meaning of what Fate showed Jay and I, but there were some other things revolving around you and him and I just need to get my head back in order.” Jason watched Damian frown but remain silent. This wasn’t any different than what Jason had told the kid earlier, but he had probably still needed to hear it from Dick himself. “You understand, right Little D? I’m not upset with you. I’m just coming to terms.”

“Will you tell me one day?” Jason watched Dick now, closely. He had been curious about that too, but he hadn’t known how to ask that question last night when Dick had admitted to what was really messing with him.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to open that wound back up once I’m able to close it up enough to handle.” Jason knew Dick well enough that if Damian pushed, he would cave and tell him the truth right then. But he also knew Damian enough to know the kid loved Dick too much to upset him so purposefully.

“Will you tell Father one day?”

“No.” Jason could have guessed that much too. “If anyone is going to know, it’ll be you.” Damian seemed pleased to hear that and Jason deemed it safe to go back to actually making breakfast. The words between the pair behind him fell into a static like state, letting them have their conversation. Because despite the unresolved issues, this moment felt like peace. The man he had loved for centuries and the kid who was supposed to be theirs. This was what was supposed to be his all along and he was so glad he was finally able to have it. Even if he had to die at the age of 15 in order to get it, at least he had it now.

EPILOGUE

SIX MONTHS LATER

ORIGINAL GOTHAM KINGDOM, UK

Dick looked down at the vast amount of green from the balcony of the room of the castle. The sight was familiar, distantly so, and yet not at the same time. The village below was much quieter than it had been in his memory and the castle was much too loud. The tourists exploring where they could caused voices to echo without the items that had once made this castle his home.

“You have found your way back,” a voice came behind him, causing Dick to turn and smile at a familiar face.

“Madame,” he greeted with a softness. Besides the manner of dress, the woman looked exactly the same as she had in the memories he had of her. Memories that Jason hadn’t had because she did not have direct interactions with the other man.

The woman smiled back at him and moved to stand next to him, looking out at the grounds. “I am glad things have come to a close. I am glad my actions have been made right.” Dick looked at her, leaning his hip along the stone railing of the balcony and considered her close.

“You promised it would be made right. That it would feel as though it would never happen, but that we would get our time.” The woman nodded but kept her eyes on the landscape. “But neither of us remembered anything from the previous lives. Another gift?”

“A parting one I granted over your pyre at the request of your son.” That made Dick frown. As far as he had known, Damian had never known about what Catalina had done. He had made sure the boy had only known his mother had conspired to kill Jason and nothing more. “He came to me days before your death, the evening before he was to be crowned, and asked me to tell him the story.” She turned wise eyes onto Dick, and he remained silent. “I told him what his mother did and what you did for him. He asked if there was any way to spare you both the pain of remembering how many times you came close only to have the curse pull you apart. He wished to spare you the pain of the loss each and every time.”

No one had witnessed his pain as closely as Damian had, when Jason had died. His son had stood by his side through all of the public mourning, the private grief, and had even witnessed moments where Dick had thought he had been alone in his pain. He supposed it shouldn’t surprise him that he wanted to spare his father the pain of remembering all of those times he had lost Jason before. Just one time was enough to burden his heart. Now in this lifetime, he was slowly remembering each of the times, but he had the comfort of knowing he had Jason for good from here on out. The curse would no longer take him.

“His heart is bigger than most want to believe,” Dick commented, thinking of the boy that Damian had been when Talia had given him to Bruce those years ago. Now at the age of sixteen, he was kind and empathetic. He was the son Dick had raised him to be centuries ago. “Was Talia the other woman you had mentioned?”

Xanadu nodded. “She was. But you got to him in time. And Bruce being away for that year was by fate’s design so you could turn the tide.” A year that had been one of the hardest Dick had ever endured, but one that had made him stronger and had opened the door for Jason to return to the fold. “I am sorry he had to be stripped from your blood, but without Catalina he could not be yours.”

And yeah, Dick had eventually come to that conclusion after they had learned the truth. He had put the puzzle together and saw the bigger picture. Though there had been times Damian had still been his son, though not by blood. And that had been enough. It was still enough. He just wished it weren’t Bruce he was fighting for the role of father with.

“I can help,” Xanadu commented, and Dick looked over at her curiously. “I know you do not wish to tell him of the past and undermine the relationship he has with his blood father now, but I do believe he deserves to know just as you and your Slayer.” But Dick wasn’t sure about that. What good would it do to muddy those waters even more? “This will open his mind just as Fate opened yours.” She held out a vial with a rich blue liquid in it. “Give it to him or do not, the choice is yours. But it will not do the damage you believe it will.”

With only slight hesitation, Dick reached out and took the vial. It looked just like the one he had gotten from her the first time he had spoken to her and it made him smile. “Thank you,” he said softly, sapphire eyes locked on the vial in his hand. He didn’t know if he would give it to Damian, but it was nice to know he had the choice to without having to tell the story himself.

“I must be on my way. I am glad, Richard of House Wayne, that you have found yourself again. I look forward to seeing the good you and your Slayer do together in this life and in all the ones to follow.” Straightening his posture, Dick closed his fist around the vial, pressed it to his chest and bowed in respect.

“Until we see each other again,” he smiled as he straightened, finding the all too familiar amused surprise on her face before she was gone in a blink of an eye. Huffing out a laugh, Dick took another moment to appreciate the view from the balcony of his room from all those lifetimes ago before turning to head out and back down to where he had parked his car in the parking lot.

The drive back to the village where he had booked his and Jason’s hotel room was just outside of what would have been the lower city levels and though he had only a small handful of memories of the place, it had filled him with nostalgia as soon as they had hit the city limits.

“How was it?” Jason’s voice called out the moment he pushed open the door to their room, stone walls and rich clay giving everything a comforting, old-world feel.

“Very much the same,” he replied, dropping the car keys on the table near the door before moving further into the suite and finding Jason sitting near the open French doors that led to the balcony, glass of wine in hand. There was some sort of soft, instrumental music floating in from the live band in the courtyard below. “But different too. So much of the grounds have been redone for obvious reasons, but the infrastructure is probably just as it was. I could almost hear Tim and Cass sword fighting in the halls and Bruce scolding them about propriety.”

Jason smiled at him from his spot and held out a hand, which Dick moved close enough to take in his own. “Thank you for finding this. It was good to remember that there was so much love in those rooms, despite the loss.”

“I will find each of the homes if that’s what it takes to take that frown away.”

Slipping his free hand into his pocket, Dick felt the vial Xanadu had given him and wondered if that would be the final piece he needed to finally feel at peace with all the years of pain. But he figured that was a decision for another time, not wanting to sour the mood between him and Jason right then.

“Is there any wine left for me?” Dick asked, leaning down to press a kiss to Jason’s mouth before he released his hand and moved over to the small table that held the bottle and a waiting glass along with the remaining bits of a cheese platter Dick was sure Jason had ordered with it. “I was thinking we could walk into the square and find a place to eat outside, watch the sunset.” Jason didn’t answer, but Dick could hear him moving as he poured the wine into his glass, so he wasn’t surprised when the other man’s arm wrapped around his waist and Jason’s chin ended up propped up on his shoulder.

“We can do whatever you want, My King,” the younger man whispered into Dick’s ear and though he was trying to be sweet, Dick couldn’t help but chuckle at the endearment. They had been trying out previous names but this one seemed to be Jason’s favorite.

Leaning back into Jason’s firm chest, he let the other man sway them to the music still drifting in. He took a drink from his wine glass and sighed softly. It reminded him so much of moments that were now memories that seemed so familiar and old. Moments where the world faded away and only the two of them remained. Moments where Dick had been certain would be his forever. Memories that would get him through any trial, so long as he had Jason at his side. But that hadn’t been the case. He had lost it time and time again.

But not this time.

No, he knew Jason wouldn’t be stolen away from him this time despite the deep-seated fear that all the previous losses had instilled in him. Even though he had technically already been stolen away when Jason was just fifteen years old, but that had been the moment everything had been made right. “Let’s get married,” he said without thought.

“What?”

Turning to look at Jason, the other man’s arm falling from his waist as he did. “Let’s get married,” he repeated. “How many lifetimes did we want to do just that but couldn’t because of duty or law or prejudice? But none of that is stopping us anymore.” The look on Jason’s face told Dick he was considering it.

“So what? We get married tomorrow?” Dick’s mind was racing with the possibilities and he shrugged.

“Maybe?” He scrambled to gather his thoughts and shook his head. “Or we go home and do it so the family can be involved. I don’t care. I just know that being here and remembering everything, I don’t want to wait anymore. We have been waiting for so long. And I’m just as certain that you are the one I want as I was the very first time.”

Jason’s smile was warm, and it made Dick melt as he was pulled in close with the arm returning to his waist. “Then let’s get married. We can do something for the family when we get back home, but let’s find somewhere that will do it for us before we leave. It’s only right that we do it where it all began.” Dick just smiled and slid a hand up Jason’s chest, around his neck, and up into the hair at the back of his head. “Think we have time for a little celebration before we head out?”

Instead of answering, Dick just pulled Jason’s head down so their lips could meet. Yeah, there was definitely time to celebrate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Richard? Aren’t you and Todd on some soul-searching event? Father said not to expect contact from you both for a few weeks,” Damian’s confused voice came through with a slight crackle that spoke of spotty reception. But his comment made Dick laugh as he walked the street with his fingers entwined with Jason’s.

“Yeah, about that…” He began, glancing up at Jason who smiled down him and pressed a kiss to his temple before looking back out at the people milling about around them. “How would you feel about taking a spontaneous trip for a few days?”

“I would feel compelled to ask why you two suddenly want company on your voyage.”

“Would you accept me saying I’ll tell you when you get here?” There was silence and Dick knew Damian was contemplating whether or not he could handle not knowing until he arrived. Because Dick also knew that Damian would come. Not out of curiosity but because it was Dick who was asking.

“Should I fly commercial or can I take the WE jet?”

“Take the jet. There’s a private airstrip you can land on and we’re here as Richard Grayson and Jason Peters, so the locals are already aware of Bruce Wayne’s eldest being here.” He could hear Damian moving around and muttering to himself as Jason pointed out a small café that had a few empty tables outside. Dick nodded and let the other man’s hand slip out of his own as Jason headed inside to request a table. “Hey Dames?”

“Hmm,” the younger hummed through the phone.

“I’m glad you’re coming. I really want you here for this.”

His brother was quiet for a moment before a soft, “Whatever it is, I’m honored that you wanted me with you. Even if I have to fly across the globe without knowing exactly why.” Dick snorted out a laugh and rubbed at his chest where he could feel a warmth spreading from the affection he could hear in Damian’s voice.

“I’ll explain everything when you get here.” He paused as he slipped his hand into his pocket and felt the vial Madame Xanadu had given him. “Everything.”

“Everything?” He could tell Damian was trying to quell the hope at the implications of that word and it made it clear that Dick was going to make the right decision by allowing Damian the choice to know or not.

“Everything.”

“Hey, we got a table Dickie,” Jason called out as he came back out of the café and waved Dick over to one of the tables tucked under the canopy. Dick nodded and signaled he be just a minute.

“I gotta go Dames but send me your ETA and Jay and I will be there waiting for your arrival. I’ll get you a room at the place we’re staying.”

“That is an acceptable plan. I will inform you as soon as I have the details.”

“Safe travels,” Dick said before they said goodbye and he hung up on the phone. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Dick nodded to himself as he slipped his phone into his pocket and walked over to where Jason was already seated.

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maluminspace · 4 years

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Genre: coffee shop/fluff

Pairings: Michael Clifford/Reader/Luke Hemmings

Word Count: 2k

Requested: by anon

Oof can you do a coffee shop AU for Mike month? 💗

Trigger Warnings: strong language

A/N: This is pure flirty fluff, I think we’ve all earned it! Also, I didn’t initially plan on making this poly but I couldn’t stop these three hoes from flirting with each other, enjoy!

***

“He flirts with you every time we go in there.” Luke smirks, shoving his hands into his coat pockets to protect himself from the cold. “I’m telling you, he’ll say yes if you ask him out.”

You roll your eyes. This argument comes up every now and again and you’re getting tired of repeating yourself. “It’s too early for this, Luke.” You groan. “There’s no way the cute barista has any interest in me, it’s probably you, he fancies.”

There’s a mountain of proof to back up your argument. Michael, your regular barista at the cafe you visit on the way to work every day, often stares at your best friend when he thinks no one is watching and has even drawn the odd love-heart on his paper cup. Of course Luke had argued that he must do that to everyone, because you’ve had your fair-share of cute little doodles from him as well.

Luke nudges you playfully with his shoulder. “If it was me he was flirting with, he’d have been mine a long time ago.” He winks, although you don’t miss the way that he blushes at the thought of the beautiful blonde barista. “Just bite the damn bullet and ask him out. It’s almost Christmas! Loads of new romances happen around this time of year.”

“If he’s that interested in me, why doesn’t he make the first move?” You counter, trying to hide your own blushing cheeks in the folds of your oversized scarf. “Besides, it should be me giving you this advice! It’s you he wants, not me.”

Your best friend scoffs, ignoring your last comment in favour of continuing his original argument. “He’s been trying to make the first move, dummy!!” Luke explains in an exasperated tone. “You just don’t know how to take compliments or flirt back, so he doesn’t know if you’re interested or not.”

Luke’s theory is entirely plausible. You’ve never been the best at either of those things and it’s cost you dearly in the romance department in the past. No end of your potential dates have ended up with someone else because you've been; either oblivious to their attraction towards you, or too nervous to encourage them or ask them out yourself. The fact that you’ve always had a secret, underlying attraction towards Luke, may have also played a part in those missed opportunities, but you refuse to dwell too much on that. “Well, I…”

“Just fucking ask him out, or I’m going to do it for you.” Luke interrupts as he stops outside the coffee shop doors. “I mean, what’s the worst than can happen?”

“Umm, I could embarrass myself spectacularly because his most likely reply will be ‘oh, this is awkward, I’m kind of more interested in your dumb, lanky friend!’” You reply quickly. “Then we’d have to find a new place to buy coffee every morning and that would suck.”

Luke chuckles, holding your shoulders and gently forcing you to look him in the eye. “The worst that can happen in this scenario, is that you’ll go on a date with a cute guy. Even if you don’t get along all that well, I’ll call you with a fake emergency, you leave and you never have to see him again.”

Despite the warmth and kindness in Luke’s voice, you’re a little annoyed that he’s entirely missing the point. “Can’t we just leave this alone and continue to admire him from a distance, it wouldn’t be fair to make him choose between us anyway.”

For a moment, you expect Luke to argue but he simply pouts. “Fine, be dateless, you can’t say I haven’t tried!”

You slap Luke playfully on the arm before you reach past him to open the door. As you step inside the cosy little cafe, familiar nervous butterflies spring to life in your tummy. They multiply when the pretty barista looks up from the counter at the sound of the tinkling bell above the door. His handsome face lights up in a beaming smile as his green eyes meet yours. “Good morning!” He chirps, far too happily for this ungodly hour, in your opinion. “What can I get for you both today?”

It’s hard not to notice that sparkle in the barista’s eyes as he speaks. Maybe your best friend is right, perhaps Michael, does have a bit of a thing for you.

Thankfully the cafe is empty this morning, it’s still pretty early. You and Luke often try and beat the morning rush, it seems you’ve managed it today.

“We’ll have our usual please, Mike!” Luke responds, his tone unashamedly flirtatious, as always. “It’s okay if I call you that, right?”

The blonde man glances over at Luke, that sparkle of what you hoped was attraction, remaining firmly in place as his eyes land on your friend. “Sure.” He giggles. “I think it’s only fair that I finally get to put names to the faces of my two favourite customers in return, though.”

The sound of his little laugh only serves to make you fall even harder for this almost-stranger. As you watch him, his gaze drifts back to you and you subconsciously walk closer to the counter as you shyly tell him your name. “And you can just call him, idiot.” You add, jabbing your thumb in Luke’s general direction.

“Or you could call me your very favourite customer!” Your best friend interjects. “Because let’s face it, I’m a fucking delight to be around, especially this early in the morning. But if you want the boring answer, you’d probably better just stick to Luke.”

“I guess I should stick to your actual names.” Michael smirks, raising his eyebrows flirtatiously at each of you in turn. “At least for now…”

If Luke hadn’t tried so hard on numerous occasions to convince you that Michael was attracted to you, there wouldn’t be a single doubt in your mind that the barista was crushing on your best friend. As it turns out, you’re beginning to get incredibly confused as to who actually wants who at this point.

“For now?” Luke questions, leaning across the counter a little, intentionally brushing Michael’s fingertips with his own. “What would you like to call us, Mike?” He asks, his tone becoming so flirtatious and teasing that you struggle to know whether you should be more aroused or embarrassed.

Michael’s cheeks turn a pretty pink as he unwittingly allows his gaze to drift to Luke’s lips. “That would be telling…” He replies eventually, his tone as low and seductive as Luke’s.

“Okay…” You mutter awkwardly, “I think I should leave you two love birds, to it.”

Your words startle the men back to reality as they turn to you in unison, both of them babbling embarrassed apologies.

“It’s fine!” You insist, although your tone is definitely higher than you’d have liked. “You don’t have to apologise for being attracted to each other!” The words have left your mouth before you have a chance to stop them.

Michael awkwardly scratches the back of his neck, glancing between you and Luke with an almost guilty expression on his beautiful face. “Well I… Actually…”

“It’s okay!” Luke interrupts. “You don’t have to explain yourself, I know it’s not me you’re interested in, I just…”

“Are you kidding?” You laugh, there’s no way you’re allowing Luke to chicken out on this. If you can’t have either of these cute guys, they may as well have each other. “The sexual tension between you two is enough to make anyone blush, like - You need to hook up or something.”

Surprising both of you, Michael lets out a tiny nervous laugh. “I actually thought you two were a couple.” He admits shyly. “That’s why I never said anything but…”

“It’s fine!” You interject, “You’re not the first person to think that but he’s available, and he thinks you’re super hot, so you should definitely go out.”

“No way!” Luke screeches at you. “It’s the two of you that should be going out, Michael clearly wants you more than me…”

Michael swallows hard as he looks between you and Luke again. “Since we’re sharing, I think you’re both hot. I couldn’t decide who I was more jealous of when I thought you were a couple.” He giggles anxiously. “I wouldn’t want to cause any trouble between you, though. You two obviously have some unspoken ’thing’ going on.”

You automatically glance towards Luke, he meets your gaze instantly and an awkward silence stretches between the two of you. Your hidden feelings for Luke bubble closer to the surface than they ever have before. As much as you want to admit that you’re attracted to him, your feelings for Michael don’t seem to be going anywhere either.

“This is crazy.” Luke sighs, shaking his head, but there’s a ghost of a smile playing on his lips as he drops his gaze to the ground. “I can’t believe all three of us have been crushing on each other and no one has had the guts to make the first move.”

It takes a moment to process Luke’s words. The two beautiful men that you’ve secretly been carrying a torch for, not only like you back, but are attracted to each other as well.

“Maybe that’s how it was always meant to be.” Michael shrugs, interrupting your thoughts. “If you two had already been a couple or if I’d asked one of you out, maybe we’d have missed out on something even more special.” His tone is a little hesitant like he’s hinting towards something that he’s not sure you and Luke will approve of.

“You’re right.” Luke agrees, his tiny smile widening until it lights up his whole face. “There’s an easy solution to this, it’s just a little out of the ordinary, that’s all.” He takes a deep calming breath. “Okay, I’m just gonna do this.”

Even though you’re pretty sure you know what your best friend is going to say, there’s a part of you that’s incredibly nervous to hear it.

Luke turns to you, his blue eyes soft but sparkling with the kind of happiness you haven’t seen in them for a very long time. “Will you both go on a date with me on Friday night?” He asks, looking between the two of you hopefully.

Both you and Michael reply with an enthusiastic yes. You’re pretty sure that your smile rivals the brightness of those on the faces of your two biggest crushes.

“I really thought you were gonna ask us out separately.” Michael giggles, sounding quite relieved that that’s not the case. “I think this is a much better solution. I’ve never been on a three-way date before. I’m excited for it.”

“Me too.” You grin, still in shock of the whole situation. “We definitely need to eat somewhere cheap if just one of us is paying.”

Michael and Luke both laugh, regarding you fondly before sharing a soft moment of eye contact with each other. “We can figure that out.” Luke promises, “First thing’s first, though.” He pulls out his phone from his coat pocket. “We need your number, Mike.”

Michael takes Luke’s phone and types in his number before handing it back. You notice the way that their fingers brush as the phone is passed between them. Both men blush a little and you grow even more fond of them, if that’s at all possible. As much as you’d admired them both separately, together they’re on a whole other level and you can’t believe how lucky you are to be going on a date with them both.

“Okay.” Luke grins after a moment. “I’ve set up a group chat, we’ll arrange all the details later, yeah?”

You nod, taking out your own phone to add michael’s number to your contacts from the group chat. “I definitely think a coffee date is out of the question.” You giggle, hoping that your jokes aren’t coming across as too lame.

“Definitely!” Michael agrees before a slightly guilty expression takes over his face. “Shit, speaking of coffees, I really should make yours!” He turns his back to you and Luke as he busies himself making your drinks.

“Our date is pretty cute, huh?” You stage whisper, not hiding the fact that you’re checking out Michael’s ass. You always enjoy the days that he wears skinny jeans.

“Both of my dates are the hottest, I’ve ever had.” Luke agrees, also blatantly admiring Michael before turning his attention back to you. “I really think that Mike was right - this all happened for a reason and Friday will be more than worth the wait.”

Every fiber of your being seems to be glowing with excitement and you can’t help but agree with your dorky date. This feels incredibly ‘right’ and you can’t wait to see how it turns out.

Tag list: @clffrd @byxthexway @afuckingunicornn @painkillerash @thrillchaser @moonchildsblack @calumbbyyy @h0tsos @valentinelrh @sexgodashton @megz1985 @myfalsedevotion @aulxna @honeyedlashton @tea4sykes @ghostofmashton @fairyintheglass @cashworthy @cashtonasfuck @opheliaaurora23 @5sosnsfw @theagenderwhocriedwolf @myloverboyash @easiercake

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smilingleoo · 5 years

Text

Perfect Coincidence-JJK

Summary: _“I couldn’t hear you, the music was so fucking loud...”-he mumbled on your skin, fingertips taunting your bare tight-“That’s why I’m getting paid for, Jeon”

Warnings: angst, mentions of alcohol and SMUT

Author’s Note: Okay! First of all, I’m really sorry for not uploading; I’ve been really busy with school and exams. But I found some time to finish this one-shot, so I hope you like it! Secondly, this is my first time writing smut...so that’s all...

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“Why don’t you give it a try?”-Jimin asked, tossing the water bottle towards Jungkook’s way. His brown hair dripped from the hot shower he had taken after football practice in order to see if his headache would disappear ye it hadn’t, and Jimin’s constant reminders didn’t help either-“I don’t feel like going, ‘kay?”-Jungkook replied slightly annoyed while shuffling his caramel locks with a white towel he had packed inside his training bag-“Why do you want me to go anyways? You have Taehyung to party with and you’re actually pretty fucking sociable!”

“You know why I’m trying to convince you, Jungkook”-Jimin threatened, catching the returning water bottle and signalling him with it-“Don’t play dumb”. If Jungkook hadn’t been so tired and sore, he would have argued with his friend about his personal life and how he could solve his own problems alone. Yet he didn’t feel like getting into a verbal fight with the exotic-haired coloured athlete besides him, so he decided to just shrug the topic off and ask him another sort of question-“Is your girlfriend going?”

“I don’t think so”-he declared, packing his sweated training uniform and zipping his backpack close-“I broke up with her yesterday. She cheated on me and didn’t even apologize”-his frustrated huff clearly portrayed his disappointment and Jungkook didn’t know what to do. Therefore, he pulled on his t-shirt and clutched his friend’s shoulder reassuringly-“Listen Gukk, I don’t want you to lose things because you still miss her, okay? She was your first love but she is older than you. She taught you how to be with a woman was, how it feels to be ambitious. But we are still in high school and being with your math teacher is not your best option...”

Jungkook’s heart cracked a little bit more with his friend's statement. Yet it was not because of the words he said but for the fact that he was right. He had slept with his teacher, had taken her to some dates and had fallen in love with her. However, she just seemed to be playing around for a while. She wouldn’t have stayed, not in a million years, with someone who was barely legal. And he had known it when he had touched her for the first time; he had known every condition of it. But list had taken over him and his sensitive heart couldn’t afford to go through the painful consequences.

“Come with me tonight”-Jimin continued, now grasping the door’s handle and gifting Jungkook the last pleading gaze-“Meet other girls, fuck with someone else for my sanity’s sale, god”-he chuckled before opening the door and shouting a shallow farewell.

Maybe he would think about it when he arrived home.

()

“I can’t believe you fucking convinced me to come”

Oh god, he regretted agreeing with Jimin so bad.

There he stood, tight black jeans hugging his toned legs and a white shirt he had used a thousand times before. This would have been a normal outfit for him yet the silver chain hanging on his chest and some more accessories Jimin had urged him to wear, made the look much fancier-“I will look for something to drink”-Jimin stated before walking past Jungkook and into the bursting house-“Don’t get lost!”

Some girls gathered outside the house’s entrance eyed Jimin’s figure before adverting their gazes to Jungkook, who just served his own eyes from them and concentrated on an interesting stone beside him. Why did he agree to do this anyways? He could have hit the gym or play video games in the safety of his own, precious room. It wasn’t that he was not sociable nor weird, he just didn’t feel like coming to this kind of parties; where people drunk alcohol until they had no neurons left and the music was too loud to even hear what people said.

But he needed to clear his mind from everything that had been happening recently. He had to throw _her _out of his head before it was extremely late. So he grabbed the last bit of courage he had left, puffed his chest slightly and entered the crowded area with a confident aura surrounding his body.

As soon as he stepped in, a horrendous scent slapped him. He had to squint his nose slightly so as not to gag, his stomach begging him to run outside. Yet he held firm and pushed himself past the obnoxious basketball team, who were throwing their stupid orange ball around, and into the large living room filled with dancing teenagers. Jung Hoseok, the dancing prodigy and current host, had an expensive mansion secluded from the city. His parents were barely home due to business trips or late meetings which demanded the loss of a night inside their place. Therefore, his house was the first place to throw a good party. Not to mention the fact that his kitchen or living was five times bigger than Jungkook’s humble dwelling.

“Big party, huh?”-Taehyung beamed from behind Jungkook, a full red cup in his right hand while his left arm was draped around a petite girl’s shoulder. She seemed a little shy and introverted, the tall guy’s presence wrapping a cute crimson blush on her round cheeks-“Oh, where are my manners? This is Jungkook”-Taehyng slurred, signalling the lost boy with a slow neck movement. Jungkook offered her a friendly grin before waving his hand. She nodded gratefully-“Jungkook, this is...this is...”

“-Sarah, nice t-to meet you”-she interrupted Jungkook’s clearly drunk friend and extended her delicate hand, which he took with ease. The booming music made the conversation quite uncomfortable so Jungkook decided to leave both of them alone and enter the spacious kitchen. The clear lightning invaded Jungkook’s retina like a fierce punch, obliging him to let out a frustrated groan and pull a hand above his eyes. Damn, why would they keep lights on?

Angrily, he stomped towards the bar, grabbed a cup of something he wasn’t quite sure if the colour was normal and ushered his legs out of the place. Unfortunately, he bumped into someone, dropping her nearly empty cup to the floor. Jungkook was already preparing himself for the sure-to-come slap but nothing touched him. Actually, he heard the most beautiful laugh he had ever witnessed in his short life-“I should be thanking you”-Jungkook couldn’t focus his sight in order to take in her features, for the annoying light had damaged his vision greatly-“That tasted like actual shit”

He chuckled and tried to ask the stranger her name. Yet he couldn’t because he heard how Hoseok called out for her and how a small ‘See you later’ left her mouth.

()

“I was just looking for a drink”-you taunted Hoseok, swaying your newly refilled cup in front of his bothersome expression. You knew he wasn’t actually mad at you but just jealous of your minimal interaction with Jeon Jungkook, the innocent football team captain that had every girl swaying for him.

But you were not those girls.

However, you were not blind either, having analyzed the athlete’s intriguing beauty more than once. Training hours, for example, where the most convenient situations in which you could stare at him without being tackled by an arrogant cheerleader or a mad psychopath. An advantage of playing field hockey was that most of the time, your schedules collided with the male ones; offering you a pleasing view of those sweaty men who seemed to be gods-or that’s what Jen, our coach and single forty-year-old mother, said.

Anyways, Jeon Jungkook was a handsome guy who was too oblivious to notice the girls formed a straight line behind him-“What? Little Hobi is scared that his best friend is going to abandon him for some boy?”-you playfully sang while pinching his right cheek. Hoseok chuckled and swerved his head out of your reach, pushing you up to your spot as DJ-“No, I’m worried that if you go for too long, someone will get up here and start playing with your toys”-he winked and nodded towards your precious equipment-“I don’t want to comfort you like the other time”

Remembering how you had suffered when your old mixer had been broken by some random guy at a private gathering, you swiftly grasped your headphones and began mixing the songs that had been requested.

Music was your passion.

Your mother was the one who introduced you to it. She was the most talented violinist you had the pleasure to hear. The delicate strokes she created with her refined bow were majestic, entrancing every single person in the audience. You remembered fondly how your father danced at the violin’s rhythm with you draped around his embrace. Unfortunately, your parents died during a business trip and you were left with your uncle and your obnoxious little cousins. Although you loved them, they didn’t even make an effort to understand your love for music, abolishing everything related to it from his house.

Actually, that’s how you met Hoseok. Because of your uncle’s intolerance, you sought another place to express yourself. Practice rooms were always occupied by band or orchestra students and although you knew how to play some instruments, you wanted to be by yourself. The only sector available was the dancing salons, which were barely used. You had gone to the booking reception and asked for the room but someone next to you seemed to have the same idea. Jung Hoseok had been the only student you had fought over a practice room. And you were glad you did because if you hadn’t, you would have never actually become best friends.

Your fingers skipped through the vibrating board, twirling and pressing buttons repeatedly. Your laptop showed the songs placed on a queue and the ones that were currently breaking through the large speakers at your sides. Instinctively, your body moved with the rhythm, head bopping and eyes fluttered shut. Everything was fine, you were having a great time and no one seemed to complain about your skills.

‘Just dance and feel, the night has just begun’

()

Jungkook washed his hands and turned off the bathroom’s lights before exciting the expensive room and emerging into the dim corridor. He heard a giggle from the door facing him and then a loud moan followed, unfaltering bumps accompanying the latter sound. Quickly, he drowned his palms into his pockets and made sure to place himself as far as possible from there.

At the middle of his journey, Jimin had altered his trajectory and had dragged him into the living room. Music had risen from the last time he had stepped inside the area and more people crowded the space. The same girls that had been gossiping at the house’s entrance were now swaying their hips while on top of Hoseok’s coffee table, boys admiring their figures from the cushion below. Colourful lights flashed everyone’s faces with ferocity as Jimin began dancing to the song’s steady rhythm.

Jungkook followed him right away.

“Look to your right”-his friend advised. Jungkook did so, watching how two boys flirted with each other before crashing their lips together-“What do you think?”

“That people’s sexuality is not of your business?”

“What? No!”-Jimin exclaimed-“I meant the DJ, Jungkook”

So he twirled his head once again, now aiming a little bit further into the jumping crowd. At the top of what it seemed to be wooden deck there, you stood, enjoying the music whereas a red plastic cup accompanied your hand´s movements. You were absolutely stunning. Large black headphones contrasted with your flawless mane, which cascaded down your happily relaxed features. Although he could not see your legs, your upper half was decorated with a strapless white top, accentuating your breasts and shoulders. Now Jungkook knew why Jimin had nudged him to direct his gaze towards your place. You were not only sexy but also incredibly smooth.

You introduced the following song by lowering the former´s one volume, leaving just the bass playing. Afterwards, you raised the volume at its maximum and dropped the actual beat, receiving a drowning round of excited scream-” She´s Y/N”-Jimin explained in Jungkook´s ear, making him advert his piercing stare from you-” Hoseok´s hot best friend”

Out of nowhere, Taehyung emerged from the aggressive mass besides Jungkook´s friend. He was clearly drunker than he had intended to be, tumbling past Jimin and finally plopping on Jungkook´s hard shoulder-” What are we discussing ´bout?”-he slurred lazily. Jimin thrust his neck sideways, signalling a secluded couch where their friend could rest for a while. Pushing Taehyung with no mercy, Jungkook managed to slump the nearly dead body over the inviting cushion. Jimin sat on the narrow table in front, sighing quietly before swinging his hand and motioning Jungkook to imitate him-” So?”-Taehyung was not giving up-” What were you talking ´bout?”

“Hoseok´s friend”-Jimin answered but the brunette seemed unconvinced, turning to Jungkook for a second opinion. The lost boy just nodded reassuringly, his gaze moving through the crowd and landing on top of you once again. God, now you had taken off your headsets; savage hair swaying with your whole body-“Her? Yeah, she’s hot...”-Taehyung agreed before bumping his head back down and extending his hands upwards-“Y/N L/N!”-he began to call for you, earning some weird looks-“Jimin and Jungkook are demanding your attention~!”

Jimin was the one who jumped on top of him and covered his mouth with his palm, spatting a ‘Are you stupid?’ to his face. Sighing with relief, Jungkook knew you were too far away to even hear what Taehyung had screamed. However, despite that fact, he didn’t take into account that Hoseok had been standing behind Jungkook during the entire scene-“I mean, he is not wrong”-Hoseok chuckled nonchalantly. Jimin’s face should have been recorded. Eyes widened, lips opened and hands still on top of Taehyung’s face, Jimin’s concern could be seen from miles away.

Jung Hoseok was not the scary type of man. In fact, he was extremely sociable and sweet, known throughout the campus for his charisma and dancing skills. But that did not abolish the fact that he was actually really protective over what he loved. His family, his dog, his girlfriend... his best friend; were practically untouchable. Therefore, it was no secret you were single yet no one dared to speak to you romantically-“W-We...”-Jimin gaped but no words left his mouth.

“We were talking about Y/N”-Jungkook spoke up, twirling his torso in order to face the man behind him. Hoseok seemed amused as if challenging him was not on his plans but Jungkook did not flatter, maintaining eye contact with Hoseok’s flaming stare-“Is there a problem?”

Maybe it was the alcohol talking for him but he was uttering things he would have never even dared to think. Now he was standing, facing Hoseok fully-“It depends on what you were saying”-he answered, thrusting his palms slightly forward sending Jungkook backwards-“What? She’s of your property now?”-the football captain retorted, biting down on his tongue before clenching his jaw strenuously.

Hoseok gazed the unpleasing audience around them, judging without fear their actions. He gulped but decided to stand for himself and, most importantly, you-“No”-he spat-“But no one should speak about a person like that”

“Oh, don’t be such hypocrite!”-Jungkook rolled his eyes, crossing his toned forearms over his puffed chest-“We both know you’re no saint, Hoseok”

Regret tumbled on Jungkook’s opponent’s features, images of his past experience hunting him down. Despite wearing a huge smile every day, Hoseok did have some deep secrets too; like the fact, he had harassed a girl during a party held after an important game. Maybe that was the reason why he was so overprotective with you...maybe he was just trying to keep you safe from people’s lack of willpower.

Everyone gasped with Jungkook’s statement and he caught how the music had lowered its volume abruptly, leaving a melodious hum floating with the tense air. His eyes darted your way but you were nowhere in sight. Because of his worry, Jungkook was unable to dodge Hoseok’s punch towards his stomach, which had him vending in a matter of seconds. Coughing, he gained some strength and swerved away from Hoseok’s exasperated reach. The red-haired threw one, two, even three fists but they all landed on spots besides Jungkook.

Hoseok was now stumbling, clearly exhausted. Jungkook took advantage of his state and struck a final kick into his abdomen, grabbing his shirt’s collar so as for him to face him entirely-“Don’t ever touch me again...”

“What’s happening?”

You emerged from the crowd, beautiful features drowned by concern. Now Jungkook could admire you fully, taking in your slender legs peeking through your tight black skirt, your feet covered with same-coloured heels. Despite being smaller than him, Jungkook felt intimidated by your confidence. As you moved forward to the scene, some people began whispering mischievously; trying to figure out what would happen.

Jungkook felt how his stomach bolted notoriously while you helped Hoseok up, resting his right arm around your shoulders. Finally, your gaze landed on his; embarrassment flashing through your iris. Everyone seemed to vanish, the only sound remaining being Jungkook’s labour breathing and drumming heartbeat. Mesmerizing eyes were still fixed upon him and Jungkook couldn’t help but wonder if you were just as amazed as he was with you.

But unbelievable moments were meant to be broken for you had a drunken man attached to your side and thousands of excited teenagers waiting for the party to start again-“I’m going to take Hoseok to his room!”-you announced smiling vaguely as if you were done with everyone and everything. Yet you managed to raise the music’s volume with a tiny remote control and leave the place without anyone noticing. Well, everyone but Jungkook.

“Jimin, take care of Taehyung”-Jungkook declared before disappearing followed by Jimin’s annoyed growl. You could be in danger, right? Being with a nearly-unconscious adolescent could lead to various scenarios, maybe Hoseok was not as innocent as everyone thought he was... and Jungkook knew that perfectly well.

With that thought in mind, his legs sped up through the narrow hallway which introduced him to Hoseok’s gigantic room. The door was cracked open, so you might have already entered the place. Pushing the piece of wood at its end, Jungkook stepped inside the room and relief washed over him. There you were, knelt besides Hoseok’s dreaming form on his bed. Jungkook was reluctant in whether he should have approached you or not but you were yet again faster than him, twirling your torso and gifting him a marvellous view of your profile.

God, he had seen you during practice. How your ponytail would flop from one side to another when you ran or how your determination would never leave your features although things were not going exactly as you had planned. He had always thought you were beautiful. However, when the moonlight shone across your blushed cheeks and your lips were slightly opened so as to breath properly, he pictured you as an actual goddess.

“I’m fine, Jungkook”-you whispered, standing up and walking towards him-“Go...enjoy the party”

Yet Jungkook didn’t move. Even though your warm grin ordered him to follow your indirect order, he didn’t want to change you for some kind of social-fucking-gathering-“Let’s go together then”-he proposed and you giggled shaking your head-“I have to take care of Hoseok”

And by the way, you looked towards your best friend, he knew there would be no excuse that would drag you out of the room. Therefore, Jungkook sighed closing the door and then proceeded to look for a comfortable place to lay himself on. Surveying the enormous expansion, he smirked to himself when he bumped into a blue cushion which was far from Hoseok’s bed but close enough to keep an eye on him-“What are you doing?”

You inquired from the threshold, arms crossed and eyebrows raised in amusement-“If you are not going downstairs with me...”-Jungkook answered while plopping himself down on the couch-“Then I don’t want to go”

“And why is that?”-you played along, discarding your complex heels away and moving tentatively from the door. Jungkook couldn’t help but admire how your tightly hugged hips swayed steadily as if music’s beats slept inside you. Soon enough your reached Jungkook’s comfortable position and decided to stay standing in front of him, staring how his tanned chest peaked through the collar of his opened shirt or how his worked tights looked exceptionally good with those jeans. Either one of them, you had to admit that maybe you were one of those girls who had been charmed by Jungkook’s handsomeness.

“Because there’s no other person who interests me down there more than you”-he dared to admit. Yes, you had lost all coherent thoughts. You crawled on top of his lap, sensing how his hands immediately groped your bottom earning a slight gasp from you-“And you? Why don’t you go downstairs?”-he whispered in your ear.

“I have to take care of Hoseok”-you said. Lips mocked each other, floating just above on another. His mint breath fanned your features and his large hands had rolled up your skirt, leaving your white lingerie exposed to anyone who entered the room-“Is that it?”-he repeated now caressing a finger to your already humid opening which was still covered by the lace cloth.

Your eyes fluttered shut in response to his minimal touch, bottom lip hiding submissively behind your teeth. Jungkook painted your face inside his mind rapidly, not wanting to forget how pleased you looked by his actions-“So? Are you really here just for Hoseok?”-he dared to move your underwear aside, gracing the skin beyond and marvelling with the amount of moisture lapping from it.

“No”-you moaned under your breath-“I-I...”-you couldn’t find the right words to express your desire, how much you wanted him to fuck you roughly on your best friend’s couch. So you grabbed his face and crashed your lips with his, tongue pouring impatiently out of your mouth and into his. Jungkook groaned wildly, sneaking his fingers away from your cunt and upwards to your fitting top. He was quick to dismiss that item too, which soon accompanied your long-forgotten heels.

Your rosy bud aroused due to the sudden touch of the room’s cold but Jungkook’s hands were already there to warm them up, squeezing both of your breasts as you moved down on him. He broke your make-out session by attacking your neck, licking his way downwards to the valley on your chest. He kissed your right mound and latched his swollen lips with your wanting nipple. You whimpered, clasping his chestnut locks desperately and pushing him even further into your exposed skin. He groaned and began playing with your neglected breast, freehand then moving to your ass and slapping it slightly.

“Fuck!”-you swore and he couldn’t be more pleased with it. With a loud pop, he lost himself with your sinful expression, giving you the right amount of time to free yourself from his grip and kneel on the floor, face in front of his clothed cock. Skillfully you unbuttoned his pants and discarded his underwear, leaving his length completely exposed. Liquidy precum glossed his large shaft and you had to admit that you were surprisingly intimidated by the sight of it-“What? Is my cock too big for you?”-he chuckled and you looked up, challenging eyes battling with determination itself.

You gently grasped the base of his cock with your left hand and lined his swollen crimson tip with your parted lips. He contained a breath as your tongue peaked out of its cavern and tasted the fluid covering his length, toying with it for a while before taking in the first part of it-“God!”-he screamed dumbly pulling your hair backwards to have a good look of your bobbing head and teary eyes. You thrust his cock even further into your mouth, gagging just when he reached the back of your throat. Slurping sounds and moans full of lust echoed through the shallow room while your clothed pussy creamed the expensive underwear that you had bought the other day. But you could not care less as you sucked harshly on Jungkook´s titanic shaft, provoking breathy whimpers and harsh tucks on your spontaneous ponytail.

Jungkook was lost in utter pleasure, your hands-which now squeezed his balls with confidence-contributing to his blissful delight. He was cumming. He knew it and you surely knew it too. But he was not going to be the first one to fall. Jungkook took advantage of your vulnerability and yanked your head away from his virility by your loose ponytail, tending your back on top of the couch. Hurriedly he climbed on top of you and, although he would have killed to taste your juices right then and there, he knew both of you had minimal time to enjoy yourselves. He removed your last piece of clothing and centred his length on your pussy.

You moaned when his tip graced your sensitive entrance, tickling your clit when he began moving it upwards and then-tentatively slow-downwards-“Get on with it, Jeon!”-you begged and he chuckled darkly. He managed to sneak a hand down your stomach and placed his middle finger on top of your juicy slit. He slid it until it reached your sensitive nerve bound and you nearly screamed when he pressed it tenderly-“Hm? What do you want, baby?”-he growled, pushing his shaft a little bit further into you-“Ah!”-you moaned and clutched his broad shoulders-“Use your words...”-he mocked.

“Fuck me, please!”-

Without further do, he stumped his full size inside your needy cunt and groaned when your walls tightened around him. He was huge, stretching every inch of your vagina with every single thrust; going deep, deep, deep...-“Ah!”-you whimpered when his nimble fingers buried themselves in your creamy inner lips, caressing your clit as if it was the silkiest fabric he had ever touched-“Why don’t you moan a little louder?”-he asked, accentuating his last word by burying himself deep into your throbbing cunt and staying motionless for a whole minute.

“Please! Move, Jeon!”-you screamed while rolling your hips around his toned pelvic. You threw your head back, earning the right amount of contact in order to rub your sensitive bud over his hot sweaty skin. But he was cruel, planting his calloused palms on your hips maintaining you utterly still-“What?”-he smirked like the devil itself. Minutes ago he could barely make eye-contact with you, what had happened? You weren’t complaining though when he roughly slapped your right ass cheek, leaving the warmth emanating from your pussy before slamming himself back in again-“Aren’t you worried your best friend might wake up?”

Hoseok, fuck.

Jungkook chuckled as you snapped your head sideways, searching for any sudden movements from Hobi’s dormant self-“Because...”-he spoke again-“I wouldn’t mind him seeing you like this, begging just for me”-Fucking Jeon Jungkook on your best friend’s couch, inside his room while he’s slept literally a few steps away from you; wasn’t and had never been on your plans. However, when someone as him was now hungrily staring at your body and nearly touching your cervix with his titanic cock, you couldn’t-not even thought about-turning down his offer.

Therefore, you pushed his chest backwards on the couch and placed yourself hurriedly on top of him, swirling your hips tentatively to make your point clear-“I wouldn’t mind that either, Jeon”-He groaned and you took the lead, riding him mercilessly as you moaned while throwing your head upwards. It was a sinful melody; his growls, your uncontrollable whines, and the slurping sound bumping with the steady music. You were about to reach your climax. He wasn’t too far either.

Jungkook’s hips met your movements halfway, creating a new sensation that you couldn’t actually describe. It was amazing. So much so, that when he growled and pushed his cock even further into you, creaming every inch of your vagina, you came undone. A large moan erupted from the back of your throat, freeing every bit of pleasure swimming inside you. It was the most wonderful orgasm you had ever experienced and Jungkook must have known it too, for his smirk was extremely huge and hands were already circling your exhausted frame-“That was...”

“Fuck”-he muttered, not believing any of what had happened. He had sex with Hoseok’s best friend, the most astonishing woman he could have laid his eyes on-“Yes”-you agreed, moving away from him so as to look for something warm to cover both of you. Soon enough, you found a large quilt that would provide a nice warmth.

“You know”-he spoke when you crawled beside him, tangling your arms around his chest while his hands cupped the sides of your hips-“I couldn’t hear you, the music was so fucking loud...”-he mumbled on your skin, fingertips taunting your bare tight-“That’s why I’m getting paid for, Jeon”

“Then maybe next time I will have to make you scream harder”

#bts #bts x reader #bts x you #bts army #bts x y/n #army #jeon jungkook x you #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook #jeon jeongguk #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bts jungkook #jungkook #jungkook x y/n #bts smut #bts au #bts fanfiction #bts fanfic

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nacsygen · 5 years

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i was going to go on a further rant about how i wish i didn’t know as much as i do about ww2 but y’all don’t need that, writing it out and deleting it was enough. i’ll just say there was a big difference between growing up with the narrative “nazis were evil, we were the good guys, and it’s very sad that your grandfather died on the beaches of normandy without ever meeting your not-yet-born father but he died a Hero so it’s okay,” and then growing up and reading appallingly realistic and detailed descriptions of the firebombing of dresden and other german civilian cities by the allies, and - and - you know what yeah maybe writing it out and deleting it wasn’t enough bc now i’m dwelling on atrocities again, and the void’s giving me a speculative eye. i’ll stop.

i think maybe it is the difference between my grandfather dying a hero (posthumous medal of honor and everything) and my father living as a murderer for having the same damn job. my father lied about his age very early on in the vietnam war so that he could enlist with his older friends, because he was an impressionable 16-year old idiot (who’d started drinking at 15) who wanted to go off on an adventure with his friends to the other side of the world, and maybe end up like a war hero like his sainted forever-22 father. maybe hoping he could be something more than the ever-worse sequence of deadbeat/abusive stepdads his increasingly depressed and alcoholic mother brought in to futilely try and replace the lost love of her life. to be better for and also get away from a whole bunch of half-brothers and sisters that he was never really suited to be the oldest brother they needed him to be, who he still did his best to shield from the various violent men in their life, with the backdrop of a mother too drawn into herself to intervene. and my father was always a stocky and strongly-built man, but he never grew to more than 5′4″.

so at 16 years old, in 1962, they shipped him off to vietnam to become a jarhead and, when they saw his skills on the range (skills my brother and i share, so maybe it is kinda innate), they put him into training to become a full scout sniper. yeah, like in Jarhead, except in a real on-the-ground combat war. he was in the war for a lot longer than a draftee - maybe five, six, even seven years. it was good for him, the regimentation, the control. he liked it. he needed it. he’d never had it before. it was good for him. i remember asking my dad once, and i remember it very clearly. it had to have been either before my parents got divorced, so i would have been maybe six or seven, or one of the few occasions after i saw him before he moved to jamaica for a few years, so maybe nine or ten. i think it was more like seven, though. by this time my father was on 100% disability from the VA due to PTSD and in maybe the worst of his alcoholism. but i asked him once while watching him work on a job in the sweet florida sun, with me having just enough of a grasp of knowing what the vietnam war was, what war was, and that he’d been in it, “daddy, did you ever kill anybody in vietnam?” and he laughed and said “yeah, quite a few people. it was my childhood that really fucked me up, though.”

and understand that apart from that last part, which is one of my earliest very clear memories (and how fucked up is that?) this whole narrative, i’ve put together from bits and pieces of information over the years from both parents, and knowing how similar to our core my father and i are. it’s a big part of why we haven’t talked in going on five years, bc as sad as this all paints him to have as an origin story, he’s still ultimately an asshole who doesn’t know how to deal with feelings and turns everything into a fight (bc, again, became an alcoholic at 15, got worse and worse, and didn’t get dry until his late 40s and was pushed into a swift divorce with two young children involved). i understand him at his core because we have always, my whole life, been too similar in all our worst ways, and some of the good ones too. but i still feel great empathy for the 16 year old boy with one drunk neglectful, distant, incredible at times mother and a series of abusive alcoholic not-dads and a stream of half-siblings, with the legend of his heroic, wonderful, brave orphan hard worker forever-22 father hanging over his head literally since he was born. and then he went to war, like his father did. he killed enemies, like his father did. he earned medals, like his father did - my father has a purple heart from both physical and psychological wounds, he has a gold star and a silver star from saving his brothers in arms from dying at the hands of the enemy. and he came back from the war to be treated not as a hero, but to be branded as a murderer in an unjust conflict, a living symbol of national shame. that shit sticks with you. i know it has for him for fifty long years.

upon getting home, he immediately grew his hair and beard out (not unlike how my brother does when on leave, but granted, for both it happens within a couple days of not shaving) and went straight back into commercial art, pinstriping, sign-painting and cartoonery back in the ‘70s, which is when he met my mother (who was 11 years younger than him but still technically his boss, and told him she was a lesbian when he first flirted with her, but then they ended up together 20 years) and the rest is history. i’ve inherited from him an addictive personality - my grandmother (who herself died of a heart attack just before i was born, only in her 60s), my father, my brother and i have alcoholism. and sometimes, really, i feel like i’ve inherited his trauma too, his trauma from the always-there presence of his father’s death, his abusive childhood trauma, his war trauma. i feel like maybe my brother, who’s way more chill than me but also joined the military at a young age and now classes himself as a binge alcoholic, inherited at least some of the trauma too. and yeah, my brother’s never killed anybody, but he fixes the planes that drop the strikes and has for a decade, and it weighs on him. he and i don’t talk often for a pair of siblings that were once as close as twins, but we’ve occasionally had long, very late night inter-continental skype talks where we talk about this stuff. talk about how our mom found healing in our stepdad, who was also in the military but never killed anybody, and was maybe gruff and rough with us growing up but never abusive like our dad had the potential to be when he was drinking, or like his own father, who served under patton, was to him. talk about how we respect that he refused as much as he could to continue the pattern of abuse. talk about how my dad and i are too similar in our core nature to ever really get along, even though our traumas are different, but there all the same.

the part of me that’s from my mom’s upbringing (and she’s alluded to having quite a few alcoholics in her family too) wants to spit at this man, get the fuck over it! it’s in the past! but that part of me lead to me not getting proper treatment for my mental health until i was 25. so maybe, for once, my mom’s not right about everything. for once.

if this was a proper thought-out treatise, this would be a great final pragraph to sum up everything above in a beautiful way. but it’s not. it’s me working things out as much to myself as for anyone else. quite a few things in this i hadn’t even realized were so obvious until my brain typed them out as i thought about them. it almost makes me want to talk to my dad again. yeah, my dad’s alive, he’s in his mid-70s bc he was in his late 40s when i was born, and he’s been an old man since his 40s but he’s also probably gonna live well into his 90s. but he’s also like. such an asshole, you guys. (again, mental maturity of a 15 year old). i’m also an asshole. we’re too similar in the exact same way we’re assholes. since i was 16 years old, talking to him on the phone bc i really did want to talk to my dad, pacing around my old room and getting increasingly agitated, he always goads me into a fight. it’s not enough for him to be happy, it’s not enough for him to be friendly, he can’t be sweet unless it’s for a passive aggressive bit. and i won’t put up with his shit the way my very sweet (and god knows where he got it) brother does. generational trauma! lachaim!

#sorry to everybody who's followed me not knowing i occasionally go into for-real diary entries/treatises #long post #t #what is a proper blog only 33 people follow if not to be a journal

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beanie-beebo-writes · 3 years

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It follows

Series Summary: Reader is running from financial problems and his/her studies, will they catch up with him/her? Charlie's close friends (none other than Sam and Dean) go to check up on the reader due to Charlie becoming worried for him/her. Trouble pursues, as the reader wants to keep silent about his/her struggles.

Warnings: Depressive thinking, self-doubt

Masterlist

Chapter 11

"Are you sure you're good? I mean, I could drive you back to the motel if you need." Dean asked, turning around in his seat.

You exhaled, still feeling a bit weak from the events that unfolded earlier. You wanted to back out, but you knew you couldn't. No, you had to prove yourself to them. You were a hunter now, and hunters had to suck it up.

"Yeah, I'm good. Let's get this over with."

You stepped out of the car shakily and drank some more water, hoping Sam and Dean wouldn't notice your unsteadiness. Of course, you knew you couldn't get away with it that easily; they weren't stupid.

"Just follow our lead, okay?" Sam said.

Well, duh. For all you still knew, the books weren't fully accurate. This wasn't fiction, this was real. You just nodded, not having the strength to respond back.

A tired looking young teen, probably no more than seventeen, answered the door. Despite the obvious lack of sleep, she looked quite youthful. She groggily looked up and mustered a small smile.

"Can I help you?" She asked.

"Hi, um, are your parents home?" Dean solicited.

"Uh yeah, let me grab them, one sec." The girl said, calling for her parents.

Momentarily, she came back with her father; a slightly buffed man wearing a flannel shirt.

"Hi Mr. Cole, we're Agents Garvin and Tarrant. This here is our agent trainee, Ms. Blaise." Sam elbowed your side as him and Dean held out their 'badges'; "we just wanted to ask some questions on your son, Brayden, if you don't mind."

The father responded without a beat. "Sure, come on in."

The interior wasn't too modern, but it was beautiful. It reminded you of an '80s house that didn't age. Everywhere you turned in the house was something beautifully carved or handcrafted with wood. He led you all to a cozy sitting room, which would have looked like a funeral parlor if it weren't for the wooden walls.

"Did you do all of this yourself?" You asked, gesturing around the room.

"Yes. Actually, it's in the family, woodworking. It's been a great distraction from... well you know." He faltered.

"We're very sorry for your loss, Mr. Cole." Dean said. "Is there a chance your wife is around?"

"Ah, yeah. Sorry, she probably was too preoccupied to hear the door. Let me grab her for you."

"Weird how they are handling this, huh?" Dean said as soon as Mr. Cole was out of earshot.

"Not really, all people grieve differently." You said.

You all turned to the sound of Mr. Cole's voice consoling his mute wife, as they slowly shuffled into the room you were situated in.

"Hi Mrs. Cole, we only have a few questions, if you don't mind." Sam said softly, gesturing to a rocker diagonal to the couch.

Mrs. Cole looked as if she was a more broken shell of her own daughter. Her eyes were similar; tired, but lost and frantic. Her hair reminded you of a bird's nest; just shy of some twigs and dwelling creatures.

"So we understand that your son was out on the night of his passing, was there anyone else with him at the time?" Sam continued.

She slowly shook her head in response; her husband rubbed her noticeably tense shoulders and stepped in.

"Brayden was out back grabbing some more wood for us; we have always allowed him to go as far as he needs to, to get a nice bundle." -He paused- "I don't understand how something could get the upper hand on him like that, he wasn't ill-prepared.. Why are the FBI interested in this anyway? It was only an animal attack, an accident."

"We're just making sure it truly was an accident, Mr. Cole." Dean said. "Now, did Bray-"

"Why would it not be an accident?! Our son's heart was ripped out, which was clearly an animal attack! If you're suggesting that someone went after my son, who is clearly capable of taking on someone-"

"Hey, Molly, it's okay." Mr. Cole said gently.

"No, Ben, it is not okay. Our son wasn't murdered, he was attacked by an animal, that's it." Mrs. Cole sobbed.

Ben embraced his hysterical wife into a firm hug, doing all that he could to calm her.

"They're just making sure hun, it's okay. They aren't assuming anything."

She sniffed in response and faced the three of you.

"We're just doing our job Mrs. Cole, that's all." You said, instantly sensing your own experiences seeping in. You gritted your teeth, hoping to keep the memories at bay.

At your comment, she relaxed slightly and sat back down on the rocking chair. Dean looked at you in shock, while Sam sent an approving smirk. You figured you could give this a shot, seeing that she complied to your empathy.

"Do you or your son have any known enemies?"

"N-no.. Everyone loved Brayden, and I can't think of anyone who would have anything against our family." Mrs. Cole said just above a whisper.

You nodded in response. "Could we maybe see your daughter?"

"Of course." Mr. Cole said.

It turns out the only thing Jayden, Brayden's younger sister, had to add was that a girl had been seen around lately; almost as if she was trailing her brother. Any info was better than nothing.

"Here's our numbers, call us if anything else comes up." Sam said, handing her a fake business card.

She nodded and all three of you left the residence.

"You didn't do half that bad in there." Dean remarked.

"I guess it just kind of came to me." You said.

"Well, in this line of work, it's a good thing to have. Don't forget it." Dean said.

You sighed in relief as you sunk into the leather seats, even though you knew you were nowhere near done for the day.

"Alright, well I say we head to the Marx family next, since the break in the vic pattern is a little odd." Sam said, looking over numerous files.

"I'm glad I wasn't the only one who caught that." You said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Kelly had no one out for her, not that we knew of anyway." Mrs. Marx said. "I mean, she was just an average girl," -She sniffled and dabbed at her eyes- "How could anyone do this to her?"

"That's what we're trying to figure out here, since it's highly unlikely for an animal attack like this in the streets." Dean replied.

"Well... Kelly was bisexual.. I think that's something to note.." Rachel, Kelly's cousin, added.

Mr. and Mrs. Marx stared in shock.

"Oh." Dean mumbled audibly.

"Why didn't she tell us before?" Mr. Marx asked.

Rachel bit her lip. "With the way your other distant relatives reacted... She thought all of you would be the same."

Their hurt eyes gnawed at your aching stomach, only adding to the nausea coursing through your body. You couldn't help but wonder how the boys handled this day in and day out; all of the hurt just... drained you. You were only on your second victim, and you still had five more hurt families to go through. At this point, you could just about keep up with the conversation and tag along; it took too much strength to converse. You were sure the boys noticed, but you didn't even care anymore. You were weak, and you knew it. Perhaps this life isn't for me. Ringing started to form in your ears and your field of vision was starting to decrease; you knew you were a goner. If it weren't for the loud vibrations around you and a hand waving in front of your face, you probably would have passed out already.

"Ms. Blaise, hey, are you okay?" Dean asked, louder than usual.

You swallowed, feeling a thick substance forming in your throat. Everyone was staring at you, as if you had just watched your dog die. Your body felt like nothing, like air; your brain was almost mush.

"I think I need to take a breather, can you unlock the car?"

The concern on the boys' faces only grew even more obvious; as if it wasn't evident already.

"Um yeah, sure. I'll go with you." Sam said, taking the keys from Dean.

"I'll be out in a bit." Dean called after Sam.

The world was a tilt-a-whirl as soon as you stood up; you used whatever you could to not topple over like a complete idiot. Sam offered to help you multiple times, but you just pushed him off, feeling weak enough already. You couldn't have been more embarrassed to be in that car.

"Care to share what happened in there?" Sam asked.

You didn't even bother, since you were probably going to be kicked to the road after tonight anyway. You didn't need the fake pity from anyone, and you certainly didn't need reminding of how much stronger these men were.

After a stretch of silence, Sam tried again. "Look, (Y/N), we want to help you, okay? We can't help you if you hide things from us. If it isn't that pressing, you don't need to share, but this is obviously pressing."

"You can't help me, Sam Winchester." You grumbled.

"And why is that?"

You debated if you should let loose, or just stay silent until you were on the road again. You had no one to vent to, not really. Charlie may have been your friend, but could you really risk telling her? Could you risk telling anyone?

"Fuck it." You said to yourself. You shifted so you could look out to the quiet houses; the ones with their normal lives. You could feel Sam's eyes boring into you.

"You know why you can't help me? Because, there are more important things in the world to worry about. Why on Earth would I be important? Because I was close with Charlie? Bull. She needs to move on, Sam. I'm not important. I'm only causing more trouble in everyone's life. At this point, I'm just waiting for you two to move on too, because I don't belong. Not with you, not with Charlie, not with anyone."

Before Sam had the chance to argue, the driver's side door opened. Great timing, since you were out of energy. The car bounced as Dean got inside, making your queasiness stronger. Luckily, you would have nothing to throw up, since the water had likely digested by now.

"Everything okay?" Dean asked, turning around.

"Fine." You grunted as you rested your head on the cool window.

You could feel his eyes on you, but you chose to ignore them, as you did with Sam's.

"I think we should head back to the motel; I'm starting to think we have enough to work with." Sam said, glancing back at you.

"Oh no, don't you miss out on more information because of me, don't you do that." You seethed.

Dean apparently caught on. "I agree. We can always figure out the werewolf's location back at the room, using the files from the coroner and the two interviews we completed. And if we need more information, we could always head back out later or even tomorrow morning."

"Are you serious? By then, we could have another victim on our hands! At least get a couple more interviews in, please. I'll be fine, I'll just wait out here." You argued.

Dean nodded and pondered for a moment.

"I have a better idea." Sam said.

You moaned and lightly hit your head on the window in aggravation.

#spn x reader #spn fanfic #spn reader insert

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spookygrantaire · 7 years

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If It’s Not Your Face, Then It Must Be The Caffeine

Fandom: Yuri On Ice Pairing: Yuri Plistesky/Otabek Altin Summary: The Dance/Coffee Shop AU no one asked for. It’s basically gay anime Step Up. Chapter 1: First Glances Words: 1,442 [some light gay fluff for our resident Plisetsky, @doodlekins]

"Shut up, Nikiforov. I'm taking the day off whether you like it or not," Yuri grumbled into the phone. He knew his friend only wanted him to be his best, but he was worn out. He needed basically a five year nap. So obviously his solution for that was to enter the nearest coffee shop he found and load up on caffeine. Makes perfect sense. He huffed when he saw how long the line was, but took his place at the end anyway; he wasn't doing anything today so why not? "I'll talk to you tomorrow, Victor. Take the day to plan your wedding or something, man." He knew that would get him. Victor hadn't had much time to plan his nuptials with Yuri's friend and their choreographer, Yuuri. He glanced around the shop as he pocketed his phone. The line was moving fairly fast, considering how busy they were. He brushed his hair behind his ear and absently wondered how he'd never found this place before. It wasn't the usual Starbucks or any other chain that he knew of, so he forgave himself a little. His eyes scanned the baristas. A short brunette girl was presently at the cash register, cheerily taking the customer's order while the two men beside her worked quickly to get the orders out. Yuri's eyes caught first on the tall man with the undercut. He could tell he was having fun at his job. The other man, slightly shorter, with dark hair and a look of concentration on his face, made Yuri's breath catch in his throat. Oh. Someone cleared their throat behind Yuri, alerting him to the fact that the line had moved. He pulled his phone out to distract himself, but his eyes always went back to the man behind the counter. Finally, it was his turn in line. He ordered a raspberry mocha, and moved to the side to await his coffee, struggling not to stare at the beautiful man. He noted, now that he was close enough to see, that the man had warm brown eyes. Of course. Yuri always did have a weakness for brown eyes. He swore to himself and brought his attention back to his phone. No time for beautiful men, he thought to himself. Today was a day to himself. Before he knew it, the most beautiful voice he'd ever heard called his name. "Raspberry Mocha for Yuri?" His eyes shot up and he stepped forward to take the cup from the man. He caught a glimpse at the name tag. Otabek. Oh. He muttered a thanks as he took the cup from Otabek, stomach fluttering as their fingers brushed against each other's. Shit.

Otabek was expecting the day to be busy. He was expecting Christophe to be his ridiculous self. He was expecting Sara to be her chipper self. He was expecting the regular customers; a mix of friendly and rude. What he was not expecting, however, was to see the most beautiful man he'd ever seen in his life. He was honestly just proud of himself for not dropping the cup the second they made eye contact. And he was absolutely certain that he would never see the man again. Yuri. Beka sighed as he clocked out, ready to move on to his next job for the day. Oh well. Yuri was way out of his league anyway. And he absolutely had no time to be chasing after someone he could never have. "Hey, Altin! You coming to practice tomorrow night?" Chris shouting, jogging up to meet his pace as they walked to their respective vehicles-Beka's being the black motorcycle. "You know I never miss," Otabek smirked, reaching for his helmet. "Yes but I also saw you looking at the delicious Russian that came in today. Did you know him and when is the wedding?" Chris beamed. He was incorrigible. Beka shook his head. "I don't know him, won't know him, and will probably never see him again." "Shame. Oh well. See you tomorrow!" Chris hopped in his car and Beka swung his leg over the motorcycle. Yeah, it was a shame. He had time to go home and change out of his uniform and into regular clothes, which he was thankfully able to wear for his next job at the record store, and get food before he had to head to work. He checked his phone periodically as he ate some leftovers. He found his mind wandered to the blond man once more. Sighing, he put his dirty dishes in the sink and went to brush his teeth before heading out the door. No sense dwelling on someone unattainable.

The bell above the door jingled as he opened it and entered the shop. "Hey, Mari." The woman behind the counter blew a bubble with her gum, which gave a loud POP!, as she turned to greet Otabek. "Hey, Altin. Thought it was your day off." He shook his head. "Was, I'm covering for Leo. He's out sick." Mari nodded. "Yeah, there's some bug going around. Mom's been fussing over my brother because 'He can't miss his dance stuff!' or it's clearly the end of the world." She scoffed. "Not like he's gonna be able to do too much for long anyways. He's planning a wedding, after all." Otabek chuckled. "Yeah. How are they all doing this year? They've got a lot of shows?" Mari nodded. "Yeah. I guess they're performing for some big thing soon, so everyone is really worked up. That fiance of my brother's is gonna age prematurely." "I'm sure they'll be fine," he grinned, beginning to alphabetize a shelf of CDs that were out of order. "How's your dance stuff coming along?" Beka met her eyes for a moment before placing a Blink-182 album in the appropriate location. "It's alright. We're trying to replace a couple people who just moved or quit. That's pretty rough. Always hard to add people to a family that already flows so well together." "Ah, I'm sure you guys will be great. Then you guys can finally get out there and be world famous." Beka chuckled once more. "I'd just be happy not to have to worry if I'm gonna make enough money for rent and dinner for the week." "I hear ya."

Yuri had originally planned to be lazy all day. So that's exactly what he did. Until a knock came on his door and he saw the faces behind it. "Hello, Yuri! We were in the neighborhood, and decided to check on you. Are you okay?" "What the fuck do you want, Victor? I just needed a day to relax. Not be annoyed by you and your katsudon, here," he growled, gesturing to Yuuri. "Victor cancelled practice for the day so everyone could relax. We're going to visit my sister at work. Look for new music for the next show." "You should come with us, Yuri. I'll buy you a drink after?" Yuri peaked up at the taller man behind his curtain of blond hair. "You're buying me food too. And we aren't dancing to anything that was featured in Glee." "Deal." The trio made their way to Victor's car and set off toward their destination, Yuri questioning why he always got roped into hanging out with these two. Sure, they were like family to him, so he did love them, but Victor worried more than his grandfather did. And His grandfather worried about him a lot. "Where are we going anyway? You said Katsuki's sister works there?" Yuuri turned around to speak to him. "She works downtown at a record store. She might give us family discount," he beamed. "I haven't seen Mari in a while, so it's nice to visit when I can." Yuri nodded once and the rest of the ride went by mostly in silence, with the exception of the couple in the front discussing a few wedding related things that Yuri tuned out. He turned his gaze to the window and looked at the passing scenery. He really did love this city sometimes, but he still hadn't explored all of it. The trio soon arrived at their destination, and after Victor paid the meter on the side of the road, they entered the store, a bell jingling wen the door swung open. "Mari!" Yuuri and Victor immediately went to the counter to talk to Yuuri's sister, but Yuri himself was struggling with his breath being caught in his throat; his eyes locked on the dark haired man arranging a shelf of CDs in front of him. When the man looked up, he swore he'd died and gone to heaven. Oh.

#Yuri On Ice #Yuri Plisetsky #Otabek Altin #Otayuri #Dance AU #Coffee Shop AU #ice gays on dance #the title is loosely inspired by MSIs Fuck Machine so

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