#not to say it isn’t important but it’s also just. so much reblog bait | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shig-a-shig-ah · 3 years

Note

Please I'm on my hands and knees begging for some kind of angst/comfort or whatever sequel to Solace what do I have to pay to see it at last

You know what, anon? Fuck it—ask and you shall receive.

DISCOMFIT ━ PART 2 OF SOLACE

» pairing: dabi x fem!reader, previous shigaraki tomura x reader

» cw: noncon, free use (mostly implied/referenced), implied anal, mentions of cheating, little bit of comfort, whole lot of angst. 18+, minors DNI.

» a/n: This picks up exactly where Solace left off, and isn’t exactly canon-compliant because the war arc hadn’t ended when I first posted Solace. It’s also more angsty than smutty, but def still NSFW. As always, reblogs, replies, etc. are welcome <3

» wc: 5.3k

» ao3 mirror

Like my work? Support me on Ko-fi or request a commission.

There's lead in Dabi's stomach as Shigaraki drags you towards the door, and he's already scrambling to tug on his sweats, staggering to his feet as though he could effectively intervene. He'd heard the threats hissed in your ear, the ones scattered among the taunts Dabi had tried so hard to counter with his own exaltations, but he hadn't been prepared for them to be genuine, had thought that in the end Shigaraki would view your shame as his own. That he wouldn't want to make this betrayal public, not really.

Apparently, Dabi was wrong.

When you're hauled across the threshold, he falters. The thought of your imminent defilement is enough to make him feel sick, bile rising at the back of his throat as his gut twists; he doesn't think he could bear to witness such a desecration. But in the end he also doesn't have a choice—Shigaraki pauses in the doorway, his vicious gaze fixing on Dabi as he gives the order. "You're coming too."

Dabi's throat tightens, because he knows there's no use trying to oppose Shigaraki's will, not with his newfound power. And there's no clemency in the man's burning red eyes, no hints that Tomura has doubts about his chosen retribution, nothing at all to give Dabi hope that perhaps the pale-haired man can be dissuaded from this corrective action.

So Dabi swallows back that bitter taste in his mouth, and he follows.

***

Your heart is in your throat as you're dragged into the hall for the second time, only vaguely aware of Dabi trailing behind, failing to interfere though you don't blame him for that, could never condemn him when this is so much more your fault than his. Had you ever really thought you could gladden yourself with Dabi's comfort and then return unscathed to Shigaraki's arms?

You're loud at first, and desperate. You rake at Tomura's forearm as you try to free yourself from his bruising grip, clawing until red droplets are blooming from the scratches on his skin and his flesh collects beneath your nails, but those marks knit themselves back together almost as quickly as you carve them in. Your feet scrabble ineffectually against the carpet too, trying to slow Tomura's movements, but all that accomplishes is friction burns when you stumble, collapsing to your knees even as Shigaraki continues his unyielding march, dragging you along without so much as a backwards glance.

You beg shamelessly again too, pleading with him to stop, to not, to simply let you go. You swear that you'll leave, that he'll never have to see you again, but he ignores those cries just as he does your pathetic attempts to grapple yourself free. It isn't until your implorations grow quieter, more disheartened, that he pauses—you're weeping, not even thinking about what you're saying, rash words falling from your lips. "Tomu, please, I'm sorry, it was a mistake. Please, if you ever cared about me, just let me go."

It's then that he freezes in place, every muscle in his body going rigid, the cords in his neck standing out as he whirls around to face you. His eyes are impossibly wide, his mouth twisted in disgust, and something dark flashes behind his expression, something that, but for a moment, makes him look wounded rather than filled with rage. It's gone almost as soon as it comes, replaced by an expression stonier than any he's fixed you with thus far. He spits his retort through gritted teeth, his tone so tight and glacial that it sends a shiver down your exposed spine.

"Who could ever care about a whore like you?"

***

Dabi can see you struggling, tears streaming down your reddened cheeks as you beg, but he hears none of those supplications, hears nothing but blood rushing in his ears and the wet glug of his throat every time he tries to swallow down the lump that has lodged itself there. Just moving forward consumes all his focus; this sprawling mansion may as well extend for miles for all the effort it takes him to continue putting one foot in front of the other as Shigaraki tows you down the hall.

Your grotesque procession ends in the cavernous ballroom on the ground floor. It's ornate even in its empty glory, sunlight streaming through the tall, arched windows and glinting off the crystal of the chandelier that hangs unlit from the ceiling. Dozens of observers trail behind, every inquiring mind that had peered out to investigate the commotion now obeying Shigaraki's commands for them to follow. They're watching warily, whispering behind their hands as their eyes flick curiously from Dabi, shirtless and shaking, to Shigaraki and you.

Dabi comes back into himself when Shigaraki hurls you unceremoniously to the floor, the sharp crack of your head against the hardwood echoing loudly enough to breach the disassociated haze in which he's been trapped. The sight of your face, dazed by the blow, has him instinctually moving forward, but he's stopped at once when a chiseled arm casts itself across his chest, halting his movements. A low growl issues from the back of Shigaraki's throat. "Don't."

It was easier not to protest Shigaraki's rough treatment of you when the three of you were alone in Dabi's bedroom. He'd been able to convince himself then that Shigaraki had some claim on you, some right to do what he was doing, a sense that had been given all the more weight by your own equivocal response to those harsh touches. But the sight of you now, curled on the floor clutching your head, your legs tucked to your chest as though that could somehow preserve your modesty, is harder to abide. It has heat roiling under Dabi's skin, his insides near-roasting as he does his best to restrain himself, to keep emotions too tumultuous to define from bubbling up and setting him alight.

So Dabi looks away. He does his best to tamp down on that growing heat and to endure, to think about the importance of being there for you. After.

Even after Tomura extends his sadistic invitation to the assembled remnants of the Paranormal Liberation Front, Dabi is naive enough at first to hope that no one will take the bait, that even a crowd of villains won't be depraved enough to indulge in what Shigaraki is offering. Except, Dabi had, hadn't he? Had found his own satisfaction in the first part of Shigaraki's punishment, even as you'd wept. He tries to tell himself that was different—he'd already had you, more than once and voluntarily, and you'd asked for him, implored him so desperately that he couldn't have refused, especially not when it was something Shigaraki had been so intent on enacting.

A darker thought flits across the back of Dabi's mind when he remembers the way you'd writhed under Tomura's domineering touch: if Shigaraki insists on it, will you beg here too?

It's a question that goes unanswered. You spend less than a minute sniffling on the floor surrounded by that mob of villains, and then Dabi's glancing up against his better judgement to see Re-Destro stepping forward, dark eyes glinting with curiosity as he shrugs off his suit jacket and loosens his tie, the balding sycophant unabashedly eager to avail himself of Shigaraki's sloppy seconds.

All your struggling has ceased; you're not trying to leave or asking for help, or mercy. Dabi's not sure if you're still trying to please Shigaraki or are only clinging to some last shred of dignity, if he should be disgusted or proud. Still, you flinch when the redhead crouches to trace one large hand up the outside of your thigh, and that small sign of discomfort is enough to have Dabi moving without thinking, every fiber of his body screaming out to defend you from that unwanted touch. But he only manages one feeble step forward before Shigaraki's hand is curling in his hair, yanking him back so hard that Dabi's scalp throbs. Shigaraki maintains that tight hold, leaving Dabi immobilized and with no choice left but to keep staring forward.

"You're going to watch every second," Shigaraki hisses.

Dabi nods. Grinds his teeth. Watches.

***

He thinks nothing could be worse than the powerlessness he feels as Re-Destro takes you. It's a sense of impotence that settles in his bones, that unearths and amplifies every inadequacy he endured in his youth until his knees are weak and there's blood leaking from the corners of his eyes. Just like back then, he's too weak to do what is needed. He can only watch in dismay as someone slots themselves into a role that should be his.

He's wrong, of course, that nothing could be more horrible than witnessing that first act. It's worse when he starts to notice the familiar tensing in your body, and hears your high-keyed whines reverberating off of walls designed to carry just such a pitch. It's worse when he spies Skeptic with that camera trained on you, documenting your disgrace as he palms himself through his pants, and even worse when Spinner comes forward, casting a long, uncertain glance towards Shigaraki before burying himself in both your holes. It's worse when they stop taking orderly turns coupling with your pliant form and start to share instead, and it's worse still when Dabi realizes that somewhere along the way he's grown shamefully, achingly hard.

But the worst? The absolute worst?

That comes at the end.

You're nothing but a crumpled heap on the floor, one cheek squashed against the stained hardwood, your expression glassy and far away. People have stopped coming forward, all those who wanted a turn having taken one, or more. Their faces are uneasy now that they're spent, murmuring again and shooting furtive looks towards the door, obviously unsure if their continued presence is required but too wary of Shigaraki to ask. So it's Dabi who finally works up the nerve to speak, his voice tight through his clenched jaw.

"You did what you wanted. Now can we go?"

A sense of relief washes over him when Shigaraki releases him, but it's short-lived as the other man fixes that red-eyed stare on Dabi.

"Huh," he muses thickly, his expression unreadable as he cocks his head. "You still want her."

Dabi hesitates. Because he knows Shigaraki doesn't want that to be true, is intent on ripping apart whatever tenuous connection you and Dabi have forged over the past weeks, but Dabi's not sure that such a thing is possible. Right now he can't imagine the future any further than getting you both far, far away from here, but even after watching you submit to Shigaraki so readily, after seeing you clench and moan while being offered up like so much meat, Dabi doesn't think he could ever turn you away, not so long as you want him. So he nods.

Shigaraki's unreadable expression morphs, his lips splitting into a wide, depraved grin. "Fine." There's something in his tone that has Dabi's chest tightening with dread already, a sense that only intensifies when Shigaraki continues. "Finish her off, and you can have her. After all, what the fuck do I care if you want to keep the toy you damaged?"

Dabi swallows hard, looking around again. The crowd is watching intently, exchanging hushed whispers, and he knows they can hear every word, have no doubt anymore about just what has happened here, if they had any doubts before.

"Better get on with it," Tomura jeers, followed by a quiet, callous chuckle. "Take the last turn, and the two of you can go. Or don't, and I'll keep her here for days."

Fuck, Dabi can feel the weight of all those eyes on him, of dozens of gazes flicking between his torn expression and your used up form. He wants to say he can't, that he could never, but it's not the truth. The thought alone might have him fighting back a wave of nausea but that doesn't mean he isn't still erect, tenting his pants in a way that's painfully obvious to himself and to everyone else. Physically, at least, Dabi absolutely could.

He takes a step closer to you. Grimaces. He wants to reach out to you, to give you the reassurance of a soothing touch, but there's nowhere your skin isn't reddened or contused, the evidence of that damage exaggerated by the sheen of sweat and worse coating your skin. Your eyes roll up just enough to meet his hesitant stare, and Dabi gives you what he hopes is an apologetic look.

Dabi does what he has to do.

***

The moment it's over Dabi is scooping you up, hooking his arms around your shoulders and behind your bruised knees and lifting you gingerly from the floor, taking you in his arms as gently as he can manage. Your eyes drift to him again, the corners of your lips twitching and a tiny whimper issuing from the back of your throat, a sound so small and feeble that Dabi has to bite hard at the inside of his cheek to maintain some semblance of composure.

He avoids making eye contact with anyone as he leaves, not even sparing a glance towards Shigaraki to confirm this is really over; if the other man decides to change his mind, Dabi's sure it will be painfully obvious. But no one tries to stop him from taking you—he flees the scene of your discrediting successfully, with his heart pounding and his eyes fixed firmly on the floor ahead of him. Just as when he'd followed Shigaraki's march before, he puts one foot in front of the other and wills himself to think of nothing else.

It's difficult. Your skin is slick against his unclothed chest, and feels feverish. Every time he shifts you, he can feel wetness dribbling down your thighs as he tries to lie to himself it's nothing. Tries not to give it any attention at all.

Dabi's never been very good at deceiving himself, and it's all the harder now with the images of your defilement burned into his retinas—Shigaraki knew just what would make him suffer, Dabi has to admit that much.

When he reaches his room, he sets you gently to the floor, whispers that he'll be right back and then disappears into the bathroom, shutting the door tightly behind him. He cranks on the bathtub—it will be necessary to clean you up since he's certain you couldn't stand if you tried. It also serves to drown out the sounds to come, because the moment the water starts pouring he's lunging for the toilet and heaving his guts into the bowl, coughing and sputtering as he retches.

By the time he's finished being sick, the tub is nearly full.

He checks the temperature of the water. Once, twice. Three times. It's hard for him to gauge it adequately when he runs so hot, and the last thing he wants is to scald your abused skin or any of those tender, overworked parts. When he's finally wrangling you into the tub, he dips your hand in first, one final test to ease his anxious mind.

"That feel all right, baby girl?" He's not sure if you really nod, or if you're simply shifting a little, but either way he takes it as a yes.

In the end, it doesn't matter so much. The water turns disgusting almost the moment you're submerged, an oily sheen rising to the surface that Dabi doesn't want to think too hard about it. He drains it and doesn't repeat that mistake, only fills it a few inches full the second time and then scoops water over your irritated skin to rinse away the worst of the mess, a painstakingly slow but necessary measure. He repeats it twice and only after that muck stops rising to the top does he let the water creep higher so that he can wash you properly.

He starts with your hair. It's another slow process, trying to keep from snagging your damp tresses on the staples that line his palms as he massages shampoo into your scalp, and moving carefully to avoid the lump that's formed at the back of your head, where it cracked against the hardwood floor. He does his best not to grimace visibly at that swelling, does the same as he's working sweat and sticky clumps out of your matted locks—your eyes are still bleary but he knows you're watching him, and he couldn't bear for you to see how much it affects him to witness you like this.

Conditioner is probably an unnecessary touch, but he works it in anyway once the last of the suds have been rinsed away, thinks it might help you to feel some sense of normalcy, if that's even still a possibility for you. He lets it soak in while he tends to the rest of your inflamed skin, trying best as he can to be gentle, though that doesn't stop you from wincing every time he brushes over some raw, tender spot. When he finally works the washcloth between your thighs, the last horribly necessary task left, you let out a choked sob, your face contorting in distress in a way that has his throat tightening again.

"Shh, baby girl," Dabi soothes, his voice raw even to his own ears as he lifts a hand to stroke at your hair. "It's okay. I've got you."

You can't help but wonder if that's entirely true as you bite back more complaints and let him tend to your ravaged sex. You can see the tightness in his face, the way he can't seem to look at you for long, and Shigaraki's words keep running through your mind, a grim mantra that sticks in your head even more than the memories of the past few hours.

You'll be ruined for him, just like you're ruined for me.

The thought is enough to have panic brewing in your chest, a near-hysteria clawing its way through you. Because what would you do without Dabi? Who else would ever want you now? It would be too much to lose them both.

You don't realize tears are streaming down your cheeks until hot thumbs are brushing them away, cerulean eyes fixed worriedly on your own. "It's okay," Dabi murmurs again. "You're okay."

But it's not, you're not, probably won't ever be again, and you need more than those thin reassurances. Your arm aches when you lift one hand to catch his wrist, your feeble grip a reminder of just how worn you really are. "Am I—" your voice is hoarse, your words interrupted by a painful cough as you struggle to speak through your wrecked throat "—am I ruined for you?"

The way his face falls at your question is reassurance enough, that tight expression going slack and defeated, the corners of his brows lifting in grief. Then Dabi's pulling you to his chest, water sloshing over the side of the tub and cool porcelain digging into your side as he wraps both arms around you, his face burying itself in your damp strands as he cradles you close.

"No. No, of course not, baby girl. Never."

***

When Dabi finally releases you, he leaves you soaking in the tub long enough to take a shower. He's loath to abandon you for even one second, but he needs that cleansing and, more than that, needs a moment to breath. Because you'd never clung to him so eagerly before, never needed him the same way he needed you, not when you had someone else to hold tightly to.

So just now, when you'd burrowed against his chest and made clear that he was the one you were counting on? Well, he'd be lying if he said it hadn't felt good.

Shigaraki might have succeeded in cracking the pedestal Dabi had placed you on, but all that's truly accomplished is to bring you down to Dabi's level, to a place where he can actually hope to make you his. And Dabi doesn't want to find that thought reassuring, doesn't want to dwell on the realization that this whole fucked up situation might be the only way he'll get the one thing he still wants in life. But he does.

He cranks the heat in the shower as high as it will go as he tries to wash away that guilt, but the scalding water isn't enough. It can't rinse out the shame of finding personal satisfaction in your suffering, just like it can't scour away the memories of obeying Shigaraki's final order, of burying his length in the slick sensation of a dozen other men's seed, of squeezing your thighs together in a desperate bid to create some sort of friction, or of sinking himself into your tighter hole when it seemed like the only way to end that agony.

The list of things that require Dabi's contrition is endless, it seems.

Perhaps it's some kind of fucked up penance, then, that once you're both clean Dabi finds himself offering to go collect your things from the room you'd shared with Shigaraki.

It's an offer born of necessity; you have nothing to wear and while Dabi would love to dress you in his clothes, would relish the sight of you parading around in some oversized shirt that belongs to him, the way you had with Shigaraki's clothes back in the old hideout, he has nothing to offer on that front. An extensive wardrobe isn't among his precious few possessions—the options are his filthy tee shirt and jeans, the ones that reek of booze and ash, or his sweats, amply stained from your walk of shame. None of that seems anywhere near adequate.

So Dabi grits his teeth yet again, tugs on those dirty clothes himself and leaves you tucked safely in his bed, bundled in his only towel. There's an anxious look in your eyes as he departs, one that has a strange thrill coursing through him as he murmurs a promise to return quickly.

He tells himself as he journeys down the hall—pointedly ignoring every person he passes—that Shigaraki won't be there. Dabi's seen the boss angry before, knows he's one to wander and destroy rather than to sulk, and if Dabi were a betting man he would wager that Shigaraki won't be setting foot in the room he'd shared with you any time soon.

Unfortunately, Dabi is wrong once again. There's no answer when he knocks, but when he slips inside it becomes painfully obvious that lack of response wasn't because the quarters were unoccupied. He pauses inside the door, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness, and is almost immediately assaulted by the sounds issuing from around the corner, just out of sight: sheets rustling and heavy breathing, the faint slap of skin on skin, a quiet moan.

Fuck. Fuck no. This is the last thing that Dabi wants or needs to witness, even if the stab of incredulity and anger he feels about it is undeserved. It's how he himself would have coped, he knows, had Shigaraki's return to the Liberation Front and your return to him gone according plan, but the thought that he could avail himself of this ever after today's display has Dabi's stomach twisting.

He holds his breath as he immediately retreats, the carpet muffling his slow, quiet steps. Dabi will try something else, ask Toga to loan you some things, or rifle through the remnants of Jin's possessions if he has to. All he has do is get out of here without—

"What do you think you're doing?"

The sound of Shigaraki's low voice has Dabi freezing in place. He sounds different than when they last spoke, some faint trace of amusement there in place of that calculated callousness. Dabi keeps still, tries to convince himself that it's not him Shigaraki is addressing, but that hope proves unfounded.

"I can smell you, you know. You reek of smoke. So why don't you stop hiding and tell me why the fuck you're here?"

Dabi's first instinct is to simply turn and leave, to avoid this unpleasant encounter all together and pray Tomura will simply return his attentions to whoever had the poor judgement to leap into his bed. But in the end he steps forward, not willing to test the other man further than he has with his mere presence, not when there's still a sinister edge to his tone and the damage Dabi's wrought is already likely to haunt him to his dying day.

A light clicks on when Dabi steps into sight, the sudden assault on his pupils making him blink rapidly, and when the room finally swims back into focus, Dabi freezes. Tomura has some woman tucked neatly in his lap, her back nestled to his chest as he peers at Dabi from over her shoulder, the sheets barely covering where Dabi is positive they're joined together.

"I just came to get some of her shit—I didn't think you'd be here," Dabi says flatly, trying to not to let his eyes drift from Tomura's face as deadly hands grope at exposed breasts, dark bite marks and hickeys starkly visible even from the bottom of Dabi's field of vision. "I'll come back later. Or just find her new shit."

"Why bother when you're already here? Just get on with it." Dabi can sense something forced in that casual dismissal of his presence even as Shigaraki lets out a low laugh, and that impression is only strengthened when the woman—some MLA holdover Dabi recognizes but couldn't name—tugs at the edge of the blankets, obviously intent on providing herself with some sort of cover. Shigaraki growls immediately, pale fingers clamping around her wrist so tightly that she whimpers in protest. The first syllable of Tomura's name falls quietly from her lips, a paltry whine that's quashed as soon as it begins, Shigaraki's wide palm slapping harshly over her mouth. His eyes narrow in displeasure as scowling lips ghost over her ear.

"You're the one who wanted to fuck," Dabi hears Shigaraki hiss, "so don't you dare stop."

Dabi might have felt some sympathy for her in another life, some pang of unease at the way her eyes widen and she fidgets nervously before hesitantly rocking her hips, but in this moment he can muster no sympathy, not when her apparently voluntary presence far exceeds even Dabi's expectations for the shamelessness of these meta liberation freaks.

He does, however, feel a twinge of disquiet when he realizes, after a moment of staring, that she looks like you. Not exactly, of course—the nose is wrong, the hairstyle different—but enough. Her hair color, her eyes, her build: they're all reminiscent of your own.

Dabi tries not to think about what that means.

"Well, aren't you going to do what you came for?" Shigaraki taunts. That malicious glint is back in his eyes, the corner of his thin mouth curving up into a smirk that makes it clear he's enjoying Dabi's discomfort at the scene playing out before him. His hands start to wander again as though to emphasize it, pinching and tugging at puffy, exposed nipples while the woman continues to issue muffled mewls from behind his hand. "I'm busy, if you couldn't tell."

Dabi grits his teeth and looks away. "Where is it?"

Shigaraki only shrugs, that sneer widening, and Dabi turns stiffly towards the dresser, doing his best to tune out the soft cries as he rummages through the drawers. After a moment it's clear that nothing within belongs to you, and reluctantly Dabi steps further into the room to search the closet. He finds what he's looking for there, thank god; neatly folded stacks of pants and shirts line the shelves, blouses and those fancy nightgowns you're so fond of arranged neatly on hangars beside them. There's a duffel bag on the floor too, and Dabi quickly busies himself shoving as many of your belongings into it as he can, working with unceremonious haste and chewing at his cheek, still trying to ignore the way the sounds behind him are escalating, the moans and lewd wet smacks growing louder, more rapid.

He only stops when the duffel is overflowing, too stuffed full to even zip shut. It's certainly more than enough for now, but he wonders briefly about the rest of your possessions, if there's some other source of comfort he could and should bring you before Shigaraki decides to dispose of anything you've left behind. But Dabi has no way of knowing, has never been permitted to so much as step foot in this space before.

When the unmistakable sound of a slap emanates from behind him, followed by a throaty groan, Dabi decides it doesn't matter.

It takes him a moment to steel himself, to work up the nerve to turn back towards the room and the vulgar performance occurring mere feet away, but he once he does he strides purposefully towards the door without so much as a glance towards Shigaraki and his new—and very temporary, Dabi suspects—lover. He's almost out the door, seconds from feeling as though he can breath again, when that mocking voice is once again demanding his attention.

"Dabi," Shigaraki calls out liltingly, and Dabi pauses.

"What now?"

His obvious impatience draws a cold chuckle from Tomura. "Don't try to leave. Either of you," Shigaraki says. "The Violet Regiment still needs its lieutenant, and I need you motivated."

For a long moment, Dabi simply stands there, his hand still resting on the knob as he considers those instructions. Shigaraki isn't wrong to think he would consider it; Dabi's mostly accomplished what he hoped to with the League, and his more protective instincts have been screaming at him to get you out of here since the second it was clear Tomura intended to honor his threats. But he'd already had doubts that the jilted man would let that happen, not when the punishment he'd devised is most effective if you're both forced to stay, forced to face everyone who witnessed your downfalls and shared shame.

And also, well...Dabi's more protective instincts might tempt him to flee—he's disappeared before, after all, thinks he could do it again even if it would be harder to evade Shigaraki's reach—but his possessive instincts? Those have more self-serving thoughts brewing in the back of his mind. Because if the castigation you endured is most effective if you stay, it also means that Dabi has no advantage anywhere else. Would you cling to him so sweetly, so fiercely if you weren't surrounded by those who had seen you so thoroughly humbled? Or would such an escape only taint Dabi's presence in your mind, single him out as the last reminder of your humiliation and debasement?

It would, he thinks. So Dabi nods even though Shigaraki can't see him, noting the opportunity present in what was surely intended as a threat. The sadistic leader might be intent on dangling this over both your and Dabi's heads until at least one of you is dead, but Dabi's made the best of bad situations before, ones worse than this.

"Sure thing, boss," he says, working to keep his tone level and mild. He steps out into the hall, lets the door click closed behind him.

For the first time all day, Dabi smiles.

#dabi x reader #dabi x you #dabi x y/n #dabi smut #dabi fanfic #dabi angst #tw: dubcon #tw: noncon #bnha x reader #bnha smut

183 notes · View notes

mysticalrambling · 3 years

Text

Love Conquers All (The Originals)

Part 10

Part 10/10

(Y/N) means your name and (Y/LN) means your last name.

Warnings: none. Angst and fluff all the way.

Summary: Dad!Klaus. (Y/N) finds out that you are pregnant and runs away from Klaus. After five years of avoiding him, Freya discovers your secret and it will all be revealed in time. At last, love will conquer all.

._._._._.

Today was the day that the plan would be put in to action and to say the least, you were on edge. To put a cherry on top, Hope was being extremely difficult. Miss Hope thought that she was a big girl now and can pick out her own clothes. The rustic orange t shirt with an emerald skirt was the best outfit that she could come up with. However, the only problem was that you couldn’t let your daughter roam around wearing that monstrosity.

“Hope Andrea Mikaelson, listen to your mother!” Klaus knew that you were already stressed out and was on the verge of crying. You all stood in shock the moment those words left his lips.

“Mikaelson is not my last name.”Taking her elephant dummy out, she voiced her confusion. You knew that you sometimes had to tell her that she was a Mikaelson. Sure, she knew that Klaus was her dad but she didn’t know the depths of that sentence.

“Hope, your dad’s last name is Mikaelson and he would really like you to take it as your last name.”You gently rocked the little girl in your arms and tears welled up when you realised she will outgrow your arms in just a few years. She was getting so big and you didn’t know how you felt about that.

“I am okay with it if you also change your name.”

“I don’t thin-” “She would love to.” Both of you spoke up at the same time and then looked at each other. You wanted to become his wife from the moment you met him but you didn’t know if things had changed. Maybe it was still the same. You bribed your child with some chocolates and she wore the pastel pink dress that you had initially picked out for her.

The drive to Mystical Falls was uncomfortable to say the least. Hope’s voice was the only thing cutting the thick silence in the car and when she fell asleep in her booster seat, you just tuned in to the radio. Daliah was tracking Hope and you had to use your daughter as a bait. No one liked it but it was a necessity.

“You need to stay in this car with our daughter.”

“No way. I am coming with.” Unbuckling your seatbelt, you were going to open the car door but his hand stopped you mid movement. He made a valid point when he tells you that Hope could not be left unprotected.

Davina and Freya were already there and were quietly preparing for the ritual. Klaus knew that there was roughly twenty minutes to set the plan into motion before Aunt Daliah arrives. At the last moment, Kol went with Elijah because Hope got sick again and she only wanted to cuddle with her dad. You protested, saying that she was being spoiled and it would not end well for anyone. Safe to say, everyone ignored you. Now both of the brothers were on their way with the knife.

“Who is ready to kill some family members?” Clapping his hands together, a devious grin appeared on his thin lips. If he was not careful, the old Klaus might just make an appearance. That might not be such a bad thing.

“I am. The only thing that you need to know is that I will yield the knife and-”

“But why do you get to do the most important part?” Klaus interjected as Freya got to explain a new part of the plan.

“Stop interrupting me for once. I will use the knife because only a witch can activate it and you get to kill her.” Shaking her head, she continued,”Elijah and Kol will hold her down and you would simply finish the job.”

“And what about your two minions?”Nudging his head in to the direction, Klaus scrutinized them under a smug look.

“They are going to make sure that our beloved aunt does not get out of this circle. She will be weak inside it and we will have enough time to finish her off, for good this time.”

Meanwhile, procuring the knife was not a difficult task for the Mikaelson men and they arrived at their final destination in no tome. Aunt Daliah followed suit and the moment she saw Klaus standing with a girl in the middle of the field, she peed walked towards them. She didn’t even realise that she was entering a circle.

“You are a foolish boy for inflicting the same pain on your daughter just like your parents once did." The moment she step foot in the circle, the small figure beside you disappeared. It was an illusion.

"Unlike you, he is not cruel." Freya showed up behind her and stabbed her worst nightmare in the back. Literally. "Klaus, now."

He quickly retracted his fangs but Daliah quickly regained some of her composure. She threw Freya out of the circle with a magical force and was knocked unconscious when her head hit a boulder. Kol and Elijah came into assist their brother but she quickly snapped their necks with a flick of her wrist.

Suddenly, you started to hear commotion and when you tuned in your hearing, you instantly knew everything was going wrong. Speed walking through the land, you instantly went to aid your boyfriend.

"Hurry up, guys. We can not keep her in the circle for much longer."Davina called out as they kept chanting with difficulty.

"The circle isn't helping much, love." He choked out as Daliah suspended you and Klaus in to the air. You struggled to breathe as your throat constricted in a painful manner. "Let's talk in a peaceful manner, please."

None of you noticed Hope sneaking from behind because she heard her parents voices in the car. Seeing the two most important people of her life, she didn't know what came over her. It was like something snapped.

"Leave my parents alone!" The little girl screamed as a magic blast erupted from her. Knocking her great aunt out of the circle, she released her parents from Daliah's death grip.

"Hope, get away from her. Right now!" You didn't care about anyone except your daughter. Klaus started to get up from his place to protect his little girl but he was too weak.

"It's okay, mommy. I just have to concentrate really hard." Hope reassured you and before you could protest, she started mumbling something.

Aunt Daliah started screaming incoherently as blood oozed from her eyes and nose. Both of you were horrified when you saw your daughter like this. No one could imagine an innocent girl like her could do something like this. Daliah started choking on her own blood and in a few seconds, her heart stopped beating.

"Hope." breathlessly, you didn't know what to say. All these years, you thought you were protecting her from all this. But this was a part of her and she had to embrace it as well.

She slowly approached you and Klaus and you softly embraced her. "I am so proud of you, baby."

"You are my daughter, for sure." Laughing wholeheartedly, Klaus took you both in his arms. "Now, lets go home. My siblings will find their way home by night.'

"Stop it. Help me load them in the car." Finally, this was all over and now you can focus on your family. This was your time to be happy and nothing could change that. No one will ruin it this time. It was a promise. Always and Forever.

Hope you guys enjoyed it!! Like, comment and reblog.

._._._._._.

A/N : There will be an epilogue but this series has comes to an end. Really enjoyed writing this. When I first came up with the plot I really didn’t wasn't sure if I wanted to complete it. Thank you to each one of you for giving your love and support to this series. Hope you like this. Let me know what you think.

If you want to send blurb requests based on the series (dad!Klaus) I'm more than eager to write so send me your ideas. I would love it❤️

._._._._._.

66 notes · View notes

melhekhelmurkun · 3 years

Text

Long post ahead, babes, I’m sorry ab that! And a quick reminder beforehand: this blog is anti-Denethor. I do not like him. I think he was an abusive father and a very cold man. I would have put this under an anti-Denethor tag, but there isn’t one as far as I can tell. If you are a Denethor stan, I do not mind if you reblog and add your two cents to this, just please be respectful! While I love a good debate and I like to see the other side of people’s views, I am not going to be flat-out arguing with anyone about my opinion on this character, especially not trolls who attempt to bait me into anger. This post itself is not a bait at Denethor stans. I am, again, not trying to start a fight. This is just my opinion on him, and I am sort of playing devil’s advocate against myself anyways.

You know what? I will admit that Denethor was a brilliant Steward for most of the duration of the War of the Ring. I will admit that. Before he went psycho nuts and tried to burn himself and Faramir alive, I will admit that he was a pretty great leader. Dude was a fucking abysmal dad but he was a good Steward who led Gondor through a war - a war in which Gondor was fighting MORDOR! Mordor and Sauron! Nazgul probably featured in most battles in the late end of the War, when they weren’t ring-hunting. Hundreds of thousands of orcs, all on Gondor’s doorstep.

Minas Tirith was right there! It wasn’t further back in the White Mountains, it wasn’t closer to Dol Amroth, it was right fucking there facing Mordor and Minas Morgul directly. Everyday the people who lived there had to wake up and see their doom on the horizon. They had to see black mountains and unnatural storm clouds and flames in the sky. Everyday. But they didn’t panic (much) and they didn’t flee - some did, of course, but there were a lot of citizens still in Minas Tirith! They were all there because they believed their armies would protect them. They believed the walls of the fortress would protect them. They believed their Steward would protect them, that Denethor would protect them and lead them to victory and peace!

Boromir talked about his father’s rule failing, in Lothlorien. He talked about how Gondor was losing hope, losing faith, but this is well into the war at this point. Denethor became Steward in 2984, a year after Faramir was born and the same year of Ecthelion’s death. Then, in 3001, Bilbo leaves and gives the Ring to Frodo, who Gandalf tells to keep it safe while he tries to figure out what exactly it is. That’s 17 years as Steward, Sauron will soon have enough power to start seeking the Ring in earnest - but first he must go through Gondor.

Aragorn and Gandalf capture Gollum in 3009 and take him to Greenwood the Great (aka Mirkwood) so King Thranduil can have him imprisoned. This is more or less where the War begins, I assume. Saruman starts to weaken and ensnare Theoden in 3014, 5 years after the War started. That’s 5 years that Denethor has been leading Gondor against Mordor. Then 4 years later, the Nazgul are released to find the Ring + attack Osgiliath, which is a very important control point in this War.

As everyone should well remember, it was only after Osgiliath was fully lost to the orcs that the tide of the War turned entirely in Sauron’s favor, and it was only with Aragorn’s intervention with the Men of Dunharrow and the Rohirrim that Gondor survived. This means that for about 9 years, Denethor has been supporting and leading Gondor, making sure the spirits of the kingdom do not fall as the kingdom itself surely would if the people lost hope. Boromir has of course been doing most of the fighting as Captain-General, and Faramir has been doing a good bit of it as well as Captain of the Rangers, but the Steward is just as important as either of them in making sure that Gondor gets through this War.

The Council of Elrond is also in that same year the Nazgul are released (obviously) and that takes place in October. The Fellowship leave in December, making it to Moria and Gandalf’s death in 3019. That’s another year to add to Denethor’s rule during the War of the Ring. 10 years total fighting directly against Mordor, and it is only during the last year and a half of that fight that Denethor’s rule and sanity began to decline (I assume). However much I hate to say it, he’s very strong. You have to be of strong will and strong mind to go up against such a terrifying foe, and even stronger to battle him in the sense of the mind - which he did, with the Palantir.

Denethor regularly used the Palantir to get an edge over Mordor, and though Sauron likely manipulated what he was seeing and even directly spoke to him through the seeing stones, the Steward did not give in to him. He is an incredibly strong individual. Jealous and cold, stubborn to the point of malevolence at times, abusive and downright cruel when it comes to Faramir, but strong. I can respect his ability to lead, even if I fucking hate him with all of my being. I know I definitely would not have been able to lead a kingdom like that for two weeks let alone 10 years.

Anyways, just my thoughts on this. Sorry for the long post, doubly sorry if I got some of the timeline wrong (my favorite timeline website for tolkien was taken down, so I had to rely on the fandom wiki instead, meaning I got none of the explanations and half of the important dates)

#lotr #tolkien #denethor #I fucking hate him so much I swear #but I can respect the Steward #not Denethor but the Steward #I like to separate them #long post #longer than I usually write #longer than intended #but necessary I think #faramir #boromir #is there an anti Denethor tag because I can’t find one

26 notes · View notes

theyarebothgunshot · 3 years

Note

ROSE I AM FREAKING OUT HAVE YOU SEEN THE PREQUEL STUFF???? WHAT IS GOING ON, my god... I was literally about to go to sleep, decided to check Tumblr one last time and see this.... what WHAT!! WHATTTT!!!!!! I don't even know if this is good bad or what but just JENSEN IS PRODUCING A SUPERNATURAL PREQUEL AND DEAN'S GONNA BE THE NARRATOR OR Sth LIKE???? -🐸

YEAH i am normal about this <3 (jk i am also freaking out) welcome to: people screaming to me in my inbox about prequelgate ft. j/2 fallout theory. let's goooo!

Another copypasta and suddenly chaos machine is full on gay I love this prophecy

you know whats funny i just checked the j/2 tag and i feel like for the first time in a long time they are starting to realise that maybe THEY should be the ones who are "gutted" *sips tea*

ROSE HOLY SHIT ROOOOOOOOSE ITS HAPPENING HOLY SHIIIIIT

YEAH

Nevermind just read prequel and well good luck I guess but just you know kind of bleh who wants to watch John Winchester well let’s have hope anyways

i know a lot of people are bummed out but i am kind of very excited actually?? i trust robbie and even though yeah j*hn winchester turned into a nasty abusive bastard, it can be interesting to explore how it all started (imo). it's just the first of many stories they can tell.

I can only accept this circus if it’s Dean telling the stories to his and Cas’ kids and then we have a revival to show that the whole finale was in fact the end Chuck wanted there Jensen I fixed it

i would not say no to this

heyloo bee anon here

um- wtf is happening?

jackles prequel series?? why? i want to be excited about this but sheesh im scared

because supernatural is never dead <3

okay, but, jensen... john winchester ≠ jdm, you don’t have to go /that/ hard for him 🙃

true true... though i am waiting for jdm to comment on this, please i need it

WAIT A SECOND J2 FALLOUT THEORY TRUE??

LMAO HELL YEAH BESTIE

Rose you really picked the worst time to sleep for real

bestie it was literally 4 in the morning, what do you expect from me sdfjsfhsf

I can’t literally can’t we were all right LMAO j2 fallout theory is real and cockles (Misha supporting Jensen) is [gunshots] I’m just laughing cause what the hell is this timeline we’re living LMAOOOOOOOOOO

we would always end up here <3

Do we have the copypaste anons to thank for JP basically confirming the J2 fallout? lol 🦚

yes, everybody say 'thanks annoying idiots!'

ROSE, WAKE UP, COME HERE,

THERE'S A LOT GOING ON FFS

YEAH I KNOW BUT I NEEDED SLEEP

Anticipating that there's going to be a lot of yelling about the prequel on here: I am cackling, but also, I mean, the first time Dean got a look into his parent's past, Cas was the catalyst: literally entered Dean's mind and catapulted him to the 70s. So idk, it's not completely unreasonable to expect some Cas cameos, maybe setting up a parallel timeline since Dean is narrating. What I'm saying is, this is Jackles, he's getting JDM and Misha in on this lmao -Honeymoon Anon

you were right lmfaooo also i fully agree. misha's tweet further cemented that thought for me. he knew about this prequel and i dont think he is cas-baiting us, i think he'll be involved. i'd also be obsessed to see jensen and jdm act together again (though idk who jdm could play seeing as it's a prequel and he is way too old to play young j*hn)

longlivethetribbles heeft gevraagd:

Heyyyyyy bestie, are you SEEING the absolute madness going on right now holy shit

well a little late but I SURE AM BESTIE

bestie wake up pls s16 finale just dropped.

- 🍯

and WHAT a great one it was

I love coming home from work to see all of the chaos unfolding on Tumblr and Twitter. I'm absolutely buzzing right now. I'll probably still be here by the time you wake up and check tumblr 😂 - 🐢

lmaooo and were you still awake?? did you see my freak out??

Oooh bestie wake the fuck up, I know you’re gonna be excited for this one jsnsjsj

god i had SUCH a morning like. it's 12:00 now and all i did since i woke up is check tumblr rip

short summary: jen and dee gain the rights, they post on ig/twitter about a prequel ft john and mary that no one asked for, the fandom loses its everloving shit as usual, they trend on twitter thanks to the beloved twt intern who missed us, misha qt’s jen about cas possibly benefiting from being in the prequel, then j*red qt’s jensen abt how his feelings got hurt by him not being told about a prequel his character as no involvement in & he initially throws a tantrum, and the rest is history - 🦋 anon (ps: i hope this helps a little, i’ve been scattered brained trying to keep up with it all night lmao so pls let me know if i missed anything, bug crew !!)

thank you so much darling i figured it out eventually but this is a helpful summary!!!

I hope you enjoyed waking up to all of this XD -🐢

i sure did!!! also that answers my question about you being awake lmao

I WILL NEVER EVER EVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR SLEEPING THROUGH ALL OF THIS DRAMA AND NOT EXPERIENCING IT IN PERSON I DIDN'T NEED THIS SLEEP - tea anon

well the party was still going strong this morning so im not TOO "gutted" see what i did there lmaooo

Now that you are caught up with the news... So idk if you remember this but...didn't jarpad tell jackles he was up for a reboot in an online panel? And jackles answered that this was news to him??

-🍯

yeah i think you are right but he was clearly joking and didnt expect jackles to actually be working on something already

J2 anon spare more of those anons let's finish this - tea anon

please, we're having a ball in this bitch

I saw a post on tumblr where someone said now that Kripke gave J&D the rights, maybe they’re starting with a prequel just to end on a reboot in years time and honestly ? I wanna believe that so badly. This is tinhatty but what if this is all calculated in a way that makes it so that Jensen is slowly starting to fix everything that was wrong with spn - now that he has the rights and he’s slowly making spn his own story ?! I mean he did say in his ig post he wants to ‘fill in the rest’ - and maybe Mary and John’s story is only the beginning of spn related content from J&D to come ??? Maybe he wants to give spn the justice it deserves ?? Thoughts ??

i dont think this is tinhatty at all i think this is very possible and not that much of a reach. i could see this happening yeah for sure

want to hear something funny. I found out I had a ruptured blood vessel in my eye because I was sending my friend a video freaking out when the prequel news dropped and I noticed the corner of my eye was red af. and when I got back online jared had tweeted.

DJFHSJD ANON THE CHAOS OF IT ALL, HELP, are you okay? <3

rose.. bestie... how are you feeling about The News? nsfshsf being european is a curse </3 🐞

i feel GREAT im living for it i feel on top of the world tbh (and yeah it really is dsjfhs)

What am I waking up to I can't WHAT I rested my eyes for like 5 minutes help *hits reblog button* - anon anon

yep yep essentially djfhs

“Jensen and Misha are Co workers who barley talk”

I can’t be sure of course but I’m fairly certain that this is the copypasta that brought the j/2 fallout theory back to life. Who’s apparently ‘barely talking’ now? skansjsjsj. It’s almost prophetic, these j/2 anons have superpowers I’m telling ya.

-poker face anon

next time we get one of them we should be thanking them lmaooo

ok, but are we gonna talk about the "When Daneel and I formed Chaos Machine Productions, we knew that the first story we wanted to tell was the story of John and Mary Winchester [...]"-quote because the way this is phrased implies they formed CHAOS MACHINE Productions with the intent of telling this story (first), i haven't been in this dumpster long enough but the name just tickles me in that Misha way, isn't it so sus??? am i missing something???? i mean with this announcement they SURE lived up to that name... 🧩-anon

you are absolutely right, chaos machine SCREAMS misha and we are all here for it!!

hey hey hey. joining the clownverse, there's no way THEE cas girl danneel doesn't know just how much the fandom loves misha and cas. so 2 + 2 = misha in the spn prequel!

AGREED

So I think I finally managed to catch up on wtf happened while I was asleep and my brain melted. What a shit show to wake up to.

Anyway thoughts.

I don't hate the idea of a Mary&John sequel. I think it has the potential to be good (It has the potential to be really bad too, so I'm kind scared).

🕯️🕯️🕯️ manifesting Mary being badass and John being kinda useless🕯️🕯️🕯️

As for the Jensen and J*red thing.

I can see Jensen not telling J*red even if they are still friends, because J*red is kinda good at accidentally telling Secrets. He could have told him right before he announced it so, so that J*red didn't have to find out from twitter. He was on the show for 15 years, he is bound to get asked about it. The public twitter meltdown was really unprofessional so. Like you have Jensen's number J*red. You could have sorted that out in private like a normal person, but instead you choose to act like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Is it weird that I'm actually going to be kinda that for them if the actually had a falling out, even tho I don't like J*red all that much. They seemed to be really important to each other and while I thought before that the might have triefted apart a bit, I didn't think that the where actively fighting.

- 🐌 anon

the thing is, the polite/normal thing for jensen to do was text him before announcing it on twitter. it's weird he didn't, and that makes me believe that maybe yeah they did have a falling out. especially with the way j*red responded to it on twitter. if he had no other reason to be this upset (no prior beef or falling out) you'd think that he wouldn't be responding like this. on the other hand, the man is a mysterie to me so who the hell knows. i'm not gonna mourn about it if they did/do grow apart because j*red is just.... awful imo.

#frog anon #bee anon #peacock anon #subtlerainy #honeymoon anon #bestie mutual #honeypot anon #turtle anon #butterfly anon #tea anon #ladybug anon #anon anon #poker face anon #puzzle pieces anon #snail anon #good lord i think i got more anons about this than about anything else before lmao #good luck to anybody who actually reads this <3

21 notes · View notes

justalittlebluetiefling · 3 years

Note

After tonight, how do you think Jester's feeling? Honestly, I wasn't so sure before, but after their conversation, I'm again very certain Fjord is the one she has feelings for

All right, anon. This is a fun question for me, because we talk about Fjord’s feelings a lot, but not Jester’s. I’m going to say a few things that I never thought I’d say in this ask. For example: Fjord’s feelings have been much more obvious in the last 60 episodes than Jester’s have been. If you had told me I would say that 100 episodes ago, I would have laughed so hard. But here we are.

TLDR? Jester’s in love with Fjord and has been for a while. I’ve been going off about this occasionally since her second playlist was released. But that is what really convinced me that she had moved from ‘crush’ into ‘love’. And episode 117 helped me be even more confident in saying that.

I also wanted to put some episode 117 receipts in here, but tags in Tumblr are tricky sometimes, so I just made a companion gifset instead. (If this link messes with the tags, I’ll take it out and put it in a reblog.)

Anyway. Let’s get a cut in here so I can get carried away with the why. 2436 words of carried away.

So, like I mentioned above, Fjord’s feelings have been much more obvious than Jester’s lately. For a while, I guess. Pardon me while I just quote Laura from Talks for second. And that’s mostly because Jester backed off when she thought her advances were unappreciated. It was all part of Jester realizing that smut novels aren’t what real relationships are like. A very integral part of her development and how she’s more than her crush(es).

The funny thing about all this... I think about this sometimes... is how Fjord didn’t actually not appreciate it. He’s just got low wisdom and didn’t realize that it meant that she like-likes him. He thought they were just goofing off. Because. Sorry, I’m briefly hopping into Fjord meta and then I’ll hop right back, I promise. But yeah. He thought they were just goofing off and I’m realizing as I type this paragraph that it never occurred to him, because “You know when someone makes you feel a way that you don't think you have any right to feel or you never thought that you might?”. Yeah. So, it wasn’t just his low wisdom. It just didn’t occur to him, because he didn’t think that he deserved to feel that way about anyone or have anyone feel that way about him. Okay. Hopping back now.

The other hilarious thing about this is that things between them weren’t awkward until she backed off and stopped overtly flirting. Which also correlates with the end of the pirate arc and how Beau, during that arc, pointed out to Fjord that Jester was jealous of Avantika.

But yeah. Jester backed off, which really threw their relationship into a whole new dynamic. I have a lot more complicated and layered feelings on the pirate arc that require a rewatch for me to properly articulate, but we know that Jester was scared during this time. She was a little scared that she didn’t really know Fjord (Re: Somebody Else being on her first playlist). But that was only temporary. That whole time made Jester start to question her feelings for Fjord. Which in turn made most of the fandom start to question them as well. But I do think that she eventually landed on “my friendship with him is more important to me than a potential relationship and if I keep acting like this, I’m going to lose him”. This is partially her realizing that life isn’t a romance novel, but I think it is also a direct result of her realizing how uncomfortable he was with the idea of being used as bait to distract Avantika. He did it, but he was not comfortable the whole time they talked about it.

But also, Fjord was her first real friend outside of Artagan. He trusted her right away with things he didn’t tell anyone else in their group for months. She knew he was hiding his accent. She knew what happened on the Tide’s Breath. He told her before he told anyone else about how he lost his powers. They promised to protect each other and help each other on their way to their individual goals and they’re still holding up that promise every day.

ANYWAY I’M GETTING DISTRACTED I’M SORRY.

Okay, where are her feelings now. Now. She’s in love with him. When she backed off from the flirting and started focusing on just being there as a friend, it deepened their relationship. I mean, to be fair, it was already pretty deep. I promise I’m not getting off track this time, but he really did tell her things he told no one else. Sometimes it takes him longer to get around to it, because of the group, but he always ends up telling Jester everything. And that opens the door for Jester to be open with him, too, in a way that she isn’t with anyone else.

I mean, okay. Gosh. How do I even word this?

Jester doesn’t actively seek anyone out to talk about her feelings. There are two times I can think of off the top of my head that she’s broached the subject first. One: when she was looking for Beau and ended up talking to Veth about how she felt about the kiss that wasn’t a kiss. And Two: the Jellyfish talk, when she asked Fjord if he ever gets sad. But Jester keeps everything buried pretty deeply. So, the fact that Fjord is constantly going out of his way to ask her if she’s okay and the fact that he pulled her aside to tell her that if she ever needs to talk, she can talk to him. That’s a huge deal. And I think she’s still scared to take him up on it, because on top of all these things is that layer of awkwardness. Fjord and Jester are just awkward with each other right now. And their feelings for each other are what makes it awkward.

If the awkwardness was one-sided and only coming from Fjord, I’d say that her feelings had gone away. But it’s not. It’s always two-sided. There’s so much tension in all of their conversations, because while they talk about everything else, there’s one thing they haven’t talked about. Or... I guess it’s a couple things at this point. But they’ve never talked about the kiss that wasn’t a kiss. That’s what I mean specifically at this point. It’s just never been brought up. Which is so weird, because the other times (I think it’s two? Maybe it’s one. I’m doubting myself.) that Fjord’s saved Jester’s life with a potion, she brought it up. She made a production about it. But the kiss was different, because she didn’t know if it was a real kiss. I think she’s come around to it not being a real kiss, but it’s got to still bug her.

But that’s planted this seed of awkwardness in all their solo interactions that hasn’t gone away. Jester’s been pushing her feelings for Fjord aside. Or trying to. But he keeps doing things that make her have hope again and it’s getting to a point that she can’t ignore that feeling. Like... He wanted her to be the one to go with him into the wreckage of the Tide’s Breath. The whole day after the blue dragon encounter, he was hovering. He wanted her to have a potion so that she could be safe and he said that he wasn’t being awkward he was disarming her. He dove off the side of a tree when she fell to save her. He tells her how much her help has meant to him in Kravaraad. He makes sure they go visit her dad. He runs after her to go rescue her mama and then he tells her that he’ll wear a stupid hat if she wants him to and that she looks lovely while implying that he’d like to look at her in that dress all the time. And then he asks her if she’d like to get dinner with him instead of go look for their friends. AND THEN he tells her that he likes it when she’s feeling his stomach looking for the orb. He was constantly checking in with her during Travlercon to make sure she was safe and comfortable. He launched himself into the air over an active volcano and begged her to let go and stay with them. AND TO MAKE MATTERS MORE CONFUSING FOR HER. He hugged her twice and then he willingly danced with her even though he didn’t know how AND THEN he gave her this tiny unicorn statue, because he knows how much she loves things like that. And now he’s given her the necklace that was meant to protect him, because he’s more concerned about her safety than his own. He told her that he’s having a hard time focusing on his future, because his past keeps getting in the way and he wants to deal with that before........ AND THEN HE SAYS he’s going to be thinking about how she helped him all night.

LIKE.

I got a little carried away again, sorry.

Here’s the deal.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. There has been nothing in canon to make me think that Jester’s feelings have gone away. Everything I can see implies that they’ve deepened. But she’s scared. She’s never really been in love before. It is absolutely terrifying (or it is for me) to admit when you’re in love. Especially when you don’t know if your feelings are reciprocated. Or if you think they’re unwanted. And she thought hers were unwanted. But she’s still been doing little things this whole time. She’s still shown signs of jealousy. She still thirsts over him, just not as openly as she did before. She gets super shy whenever they have one-on-ones and that makes her get awkward in the cutest way. Jester started to be careful with how she was around Fjord, but he’s been making it pretty clear that he doesn’t want her to be careful with him and I think she’s starting to realize that. It’s giving her hope that maybe her feelings are wanted.

Also, the fact that there’s no in-between for these two? They’re either incredibly emotional when they talk to each other or incredibly awkward or BOTH. They are radiating “in love with your best friend” energy. The difference is that Fjord isn’t afraid of ruining the friendship and Jester is. Or... well... yeah. Actually, that’s what I mean. I think Jester’s coming around to not being afraid. She’s got hope again that they might be something more. And I think that hope is starting to be fun for her again instead of scary.

OKAY I’m almost done. I want to very briefly talk about that gifset that I made, because I made receipts for a reason, damn it. Let’s talk ONLY about the conversation in 117.

Gif 1: This one is right after this exchange. Jester: I mean... it's worth a try. He's met all of us, so he could potentially scry on anyone, I guess, now. But maybe it'll keep me from being seen if I scry on him. I don't know how it all works. // Fjord: I guess we'd find out the next time we did it. // Jester: Yeah. Like, she looks down at the necklace and just smiles, because Fjord has literally just told her that his safety doesn’t matter as much as hers. Fjord went out of his way to do this thing for her and she just looks so touched.

Gifs 2 and 3: These are both just Jester laughing over Fjord talking about her face when she’s scrying. They’re goofing off and being silly. And gif 3 in particular is just... again. She’s having fun! With Fjord! And she likes that.

Gif 4: Jester just asked Fjord “how are you?” and he started up with that big, goofy grin. And she can’t even get through calling her question stupid without smiling. Like, she’s reacting to his smile. And it’s kind of funny, because I think she doesn’t understand why he’s smiling so much in that moment, but she still can’t help but smile back.

Gif 5: I feel like I need to close all of that before.... That’s such an interesting reaction and SO TELLING. Like, that small smile and then she kind of takes a breath and then she still can’t not smile over it. SHE KNOWS. She really hopes that it means what she wants it to mean. And she wants it to mean something.

Gif 6: She’s once again reacting to a Fjord smile. You can see the way the corners of her mouth keep trying to smile. Because Fjord is just touched and telling her that yeah, she should send a message to Kotho. And then it’s the things she’s doing with her hand there, too. She’s all nervous energy and can’t really hold still. There’s that hope again.

Gif 7: She’s SO HAPPY because she’s helping him. SO HAPPY. And again with the hands! So much nervous energy.

Gif 8: It's just a spell! It's easy to do. Again with the hands!!! I mean, okay. Speculation and projection. I’m aware. This is just something I do and I see it in Jester a lot. Where, she’s got to do something with her hands so they don’t do what she really wants them to. I mean, SERIOUSLY. And the way she smiles at him at the end of it. There’s a lot for her to process about this exchange and I think it’s starting to hit her. How much this means. What this might mean. And she’s happy. She’s excited.

Gif 9: I will think about that all night. Still the nervous energy. I won’t repeat that paragraph. But like. Fuck. Fjord told her that he was going to think about that all night. I kind of want to yell right now. In a good way. My heart just hurts in a good way over this moment. I can’t even speculate on her emotions here because that’s like... huge. There was so much tension here. Jester hasn’t had anyone say anything like this to her before. She doesn’t know how to react. And Fjord is also holding himself back. Uh, this is Fjord HOLDING HIMSELF BACK. What the fuck. I mean. Okay I have to move on. I have nothing productive to say here.

Gif 10: I guess I was wrong. This isn’t only about the conversation, but also about the moment later. Where he thinks she’s going to scry when she’s going to send and she realizes that he was going to do what she asked him to before. She is just so pleased that he intended to follow through. I choose to believe this is 100% what Jester’s face actually did in the moment. And I love this because it’s only awkward on Fjord’s end this time. Jester is just happy.

I’ve gotta end this thing, guys. Why are you even still listening to me ramble???

I guess what I ultimately want this whole answer to be: Jester’s in love with Fjord. Fjord makes her so happy. And she is starting to let herself hope that he’s in love with her, too. She can see the possibility of a future with him again and finally letting herself believe that it might happen. So, yeah. That’s where I think Jester’s feelings are.

Hope you enjoyed my mini breakdown over Jester and how much Fjord’s support has meant to her!

#fjorester #jester lavorre #critical role #the mighty nein #cr spoilers #dudes i'm sorry #this got so long #i just couldn't stop once i got started #and i kept getting distracted #anonymous #erin answers things

87 notes · View notes

rhmg-au · 3 years

Text

Prequel part 2.

Man this was sitting here uncompleted for around, I don’t know, a month? Really need to get better at this.

This AU belongs to @rhmg-au . Please follow them, reblog their art, give them fanart, support them in any way possible, etc.

TW: Mentions of emotional manipulation, blood and gore

Mod Swanno: Read more due to length and content! :]

———

This isn’t right. None of this is okay.

Those were Charles’s first thoughts when he found out what happened to Right Hand- Green.

No amount of counterarguments can ever change his mind on one fact, that being that he never, ever deserved this. It’s not okay, they stripped him from who he used to be and turned him into a puppet, making him dance to their strings without realizing it.

But he never dared to approach the general about it.

He would get overpowered easily and he can guilt-trip him into going along with what he believes, though it never lasts long thankfully. He doesn’t know what could happen if he was under his influence permanently.

He would always say things like “it’s for the world’s own good” or “it’s in the name of the law”, but none of this feels like it. This is utterly wrong in every form.

He may be naive, but not that naive as most thought. Even when it gets to him sometimes.

Everyday he had been trying to help Green out from his brainwashed state, he wanted to help, no, he needed to help. He couldn’t let this go any further.

But he doesn’t want to die either. If he dies, he can’t help anymore.

Days after days of planning, strategizing, ways he can help the cyborg out of this while also still hanging onto his privilege of life.

There has to be a way, there has to be. There’s always one right?

———

“We have to find him! He has to be out there somewhere!” Charles practically begged, concern written all over his face, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

He had been at it for couple minutes at most, or was it hours even? He couldn’t remember, the argument felt like it lasted an eternity but it also had the feeling of quickness to it simultaneously. It’s just been a few hours and he noticed that there was something wrong with Rupert, he couldn’t find him anywhere on the premises. He called him multiple times, and all he hears is a voice message saying that he should call back later. None of his co-workers haven’t seen him either, or aren’t concerned whatsoever. It’s like he vanished off from the face of the earth entirely.

Galeforce shook his head, the pilot doesn’t know if the pity on his face was genuine or another facade made by him to play with his emotions. It was definitely the latter possibility, or maybe it isn’t. Maybe he really did care for the soldiers. “Charlie, even if there’s a chance he’s still alive, we’re not going to go and try to find him, heartless I know, but it’s for the better good.”

“Better good?!” The male let the water stuck in his irises escape when he blinked, the bubbles streaming down his cheeks as his voice raised. “He’s one of your best soldiers and you’re not concerned with him missing?!”

“Charlie, if you still think he’s just missing, then how do you explain this?” The general held up a hat with the emblem that signifies someone’s position in the government, but there was a difference to it - it was covered in dried stains of blood.

Charles felt his body stiffen, almost unmoving like a statue. “N-no, are you sure it’s just from his struggling?” He refused to believe this, he refused to, he refused to! This can’t be happening…

Galeforce sighed, still holding the bloodied hat out for him to see. “Unfortunately, a possibility like that is impossible to consider as long as this is still around.” His expression held guilt, genuine or not, it doesn’t matter at this point. What matters is the safety of his co-worker.

But is he still alive?

That’s one question he desperately wanted to seek for.

“We, we can’t determine his condition based on one thing!” He protested, more tears were shed as rage boiled inside of him to a dangerous degree.

Galeforce’s stare never left him, it was almost - actually no, unsettling. “There’s nothing we can do, Charlie. This hat is irrefutable proof that he’s no longer here with us…I’m sorry.”

“He has to be alive…”

“I said it once, and I’ll say it again, you need to let it go. He’s not coming back. I’ll leave you be to think about what I said.” The general then left, taking the blood stained and ruined hat along with him, leaving the pilot by himself and his tears and emotions.

Impulsively, he squeezed his elbow with one hand so hard he was surprised no blood came out from the amount of force he was putting on his limb. Was Galeforce this heartless to not care about his soldier? Would he go as far as that?

What happened to the caring one he knew?

Why had it come to this?

Why…

———

Charles doesn’t know anything anymore.

Okay, maybe not anything, but he felt like he lost so much purpose for not being able to help Green…

…or him.

The only times he can truly feel at peace is when he flies around in his helicopter. In the sky, all of his troubles fade away. The clouds give him some form of hope that somehow, someway, he’ll find a solution to this.

He always liked the sky, no one can hurt him up there.

Anyways, the air isn’t what’s bothering him at the moment.

Something horrible happened just yesterday.

The Toppats attacked the government to get Green back.

Now, under normal circumstances, he would’ve been relieved, as this gives Green a way to escape the government’s grasp and return to his former self.

But what occurred wasn’t what he would call “normal circumstances.”

Henry Stickmin, the leader of the Toppats, was captured.

Galeforce intended to use him as bait to get his right hand lady to initiate another attack so he can get both of them and ship them off to the Wall, as part of a deal he had with the warden, Dmitri Petrov, he believed that was his name.

Henry hadn’t said much since his capture, which is most likely because of Green. The distraught look he had when he heard and seen what had become of his former friend…it reminded him of when he heard that Rupert’s dead (he still doubts this, but he’s starting to believe it with every passing day).

Charles’s determination to save Green have increased since this event, he couldn’t afford to endanger anymore lives due to his fear of getting killed, he couldn’t…he was supposed to be someone who protects the helpless right? And at this very moment in time, the Toppats are the ones who are helpless.

The pilot headed to where the cells are located, nodding to the two soldiers who were put on guard duty to let them know he’s trustworthy, and allowed him to pass.

These cells used to contain Toppats, he remembered every one of their faces, how utterly defeated they looked, every little word he managed to pick up…now these confined places no longer have them. Executed for not obliging with the interrogations. By their own friend no less.

How many lives were ruined or taken away because of Galeforce’s actions?

Countless, that’s the only word he can find to describe it.

Charles stopped at the cell that contains the leader, sitting on the bed provided in the small and cramped confines, facing away from him and by the looks of it, he was fiddling with a piece of clothing, the collar of his shirt if he glances at him in the right angle. “Hey, Henry.”

Said man slowly turned around to get a glimpse of his new visitor, then whipped back to lock his gaze on the wall again, like it somehow became more important than anything else in the world. “What do you want?”

Can’t back out now. Charles reminded himself. You asked for this. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves. This isn’t Galeforce or Dr. V or anyone who’s scary, he’s okay, it’s just Henry.

“I wanted to let you know that…you’re not alone.” No one’s listening, it’s them both alone.

His words prompted Henry to turn back around, eyes wide with disbelief. “You’re joking right?” He asked with a scoff. Apparently he hasn’t believed him yet, understandable.

Charles masked his face with a look of determination, hoping that it would be enough to let the leader understand his intentions. “No, I’m completely serious about this.” His tone was firm, if his expression wasn’t the key, then his voice should be the nail in the coffin.

Silence reigned for while, sitting on its throne as the two males stared blankly at each other, every now and again the pilot broke eye contact to see if anyone was in the hallway or listening in on them, and thankfully neither of those had been activated yet.

Eventually, the silence was kicked off the chair of power when Henry spoke.

“I knew you weren’t under his control after all.”

Charles smiled softly, to of which the other returned. “I couldn’t stand by and watch, none of this is right. I’ll get you and Right out of here.” It felt weird to call Green by his old name, but it felt reliving too.

Henry nodded, standing up from the bed and walked over to him, or at least, as close as he could get when he’s behind bars. “You’ll help us?”

“You have my word.”

“How’s it going to go?”

“I actually haven’t figured that out yet.” Charles said sheepishly, playing with the fluff the encircled his jacket. “I just needed to let you know you’re not alone here.”

Henry’s smile never faltered. “How about we develop one now?”

Charles took one more glance around, making sure to cover everywhere in the hallway of cells before nodding. “Yeah, it feels good to work with you again Henry.”

“Likewise.”

———

Two days now, and nothing of the sorts have happened.

The plan has to be flawless, if executed in a poor manner, there’s no second chances or redos.

Which is why the plan is taking two days, maybe even more if nothing has been figured out today.

“Is there any potential escape routes we can take?” Henry asked, a scrap of paper in one hand and a pen in another, Charles had given him those so they can keep track of the progress they’re making and the possibilities they have to consider.

“My helicopter is one option, but I’ll have to hide you and Right inside, which’ll be difficult since even during the nights and early mornings, soldiers would be patrolling the area, and I’m pretty sure most of them aren’t on our side.” The pilot responded, racking his brain for another way to transport them out of the base before the raid could commence. His right hand lady would be planning it, and Henry wants to minimize as much damage done to the Toppats as possible.

“You think you can get me some military clothing and disguise me as a soldier to take me along with you undetected?” Henry proposed next, scribbling on the piece of paper he was given to rule out the option he wrote.

“Then I’ll have to take someone here with me, knock them out, and put their clothes on you. And how are you going to get your belongings out with you?” Charles questioned, this can’t go wrong, if it does he’ll never forgive himself ever.

“I’ll…figure it out.” The leader said, drawing something on the paper.

“So we’re going along with this, you sure?”

“Absolutely.” Henry glanced up from drawing, eyes widening with fear. “Watch out!”

“Huh?” Charles didn’t react in time and was smacked on the head, collapsing against the steel bars of the cell and slumping onto the ground, black teasing around the edges of his eyes.

Before he could get a chance to get up, he was picked up and thrown to the wall, his fighting spirit fading fast as the darkness was overwhelming.

The last thing he saw before his eyes fluttered shut was Henry’s distressed face, and an evil grin of someone he used to look up to.

#PACKAGE - [ FANWORK ]#[ NON CANON ]#OH BOY CHARLES-#F in the chat they got him-#- MOD - [ SWANNO ]#tw blood #tw gore #tw manipulation #submission

33 notes · View notes

phynali · 3 years

Text

more spn discussions, just skip this post y’all

@queerbluebird thanks so much for engaging with my post/reply! i really enjoyed reading your response and i have a long reply here.

i’m responding to your post/reply here rather than reblogging it because honestly that thread is - so long. so very long.

so first -

i agree there is a difference between entitlement and what i would call, not promise, but instead “narrative follow-through”. A story that completely lacks narrative follow-through does end up feeling disappointing, or frustrating, or rage-inducing, depending on what’s happened. to me there’s a fundamental difference between critiquing a story based on follow-through and bad storytelling (which your post aims to do), versus say, creating hashtag campaigns about a character being silenced because and spreading conspiracy theories about a bad dub (among other things honestly).

and also - queerbaiting totally sucks, we definitely do agree on that.

where we disagree, i think are these two core points:

i do not see the narrative build-up that demands a follow-through. i do not see supernatural as having built up to the story that many destiel shippers seem to think was there, and no one has ever been able to point out to me any actual textual reasons that do craft that narrative build-up

i fundamentally do not believe that destiel was ever a queerbait. queerbait involves active intent on the part of creators to tease a ship or queer representation in order to draw in $ from queer audiences without ever making it canon, so as not to alienate straight audiences. so, refering to point 1., i do not see the canon text as having laid the groundwork for a queerbait and those romantic tropes, at least not at any point in the past 7 years. and beyond the canon, the writers and producers and jensen ackles all indicated dean was straight, and that they were not writing a romance. if anyone queerbaited the fans, it was misha collins who kept teasing the possibility, and personally i would argue that was irresponsible of him. but that’s a different discussion altogether and tends to piss people off when it’s framed as such, because misha means a lot to them and it hurts to see the man who validated their feelings get criticized for the manner in which he validated them. so i’m gonna leave that aside.

beyond that, I want to engage with some of your specific quotes:

Supernatural loves to say “wait for it.” And I don’t think it’s entitled to feel betrayed if an author uses their story to say “wait for it” in order to convince you to stick with their story and then delivers the opposite after you do.

May i ask, where was the “wait for it” with destiel? this ties in directly to the queerbaiting. i indicated in my post/reply that while i see it from cas, there’s been little to no hint of any reciprocation of feelings from dean, and if anything the past 7 or so years have driven the point home that it isn’t happening. i personally am not able to see the “Wait for it” and that was the point of my question. without the “Wait for it”, i also can’t see the queerbait.

I asked for specifics and while i totally get not having the spoons, you provided a few:

(off the top of my head for Dean though, the mixtape, his response to Cas’ death at the end of 12, subsequent grief arc, and reaction to Cas’ return in the front half of 13 rank highly. His reaction to Lucifer’s prank call in 15x19 might rate, but maybe just because it’s so recent.)

not trying to be unkind here, but i quite genuinely don’t see any of these examples as framing cas and dean in a romantic light, or as hinting at a “what if”. the mixtape is like.... okay, maybe. i had read that as being symbolic of something else, but i can see wanting to read it from a shipping lens. (i don’t however think i’d read it as baiting or “what if” - it was quite textually not framed that way. shipping, 100%, but canon build-up, not for me).

for the other examples -- grieving for someone you consider family? and being happy when they come back? that’s not shippy to me. i mean - contrast the grief he showed over cas’s death compared to his grief over, say, mary? or, less extreme, charlie? and nothing compared to how off the rails he goes when sam is dead or he thinks sam is. so i -- i just can’t see those as creating a narrative that demands a follow-through. and when your friend who is dead calls your phone? of course you hop to the door - i don’t know what is romantic about that. sam would’ve hopped just as quick if “cass” had called his phone instead.

and look - i see what is fun to ship about all that. if i shipped it, i’d be happily collecting these moments with a smile and grinning to myself about how cute they are and much they mean. but shipping it vs. it being romantically framed in the canon are two fundamentally different things. shipping doesn’t imply narrative buy-in or deliberation from the creator.

moving on, you also spoke at length about 15x18:

15x18 made the sort of statement that drew back even people who did exactly what OP said they should do, turning off the TV years ago. It wasn’t a quiet “if you’re still watching, keep waiting,” so much as a shouted “hey we’re gonna do this thing, watch this!”

i guess destiel fans vs. those of us who don’t ship it really see this as fundamentally different. because you discuss that moment as one which requires follow-through, and say that if this were heteronormative m/f love declaration, there would be that expectation of follow-through. not necessarily reciprocity, but more - more conversation, more acknowledgment, more something.

(i mean - if there was more, but that more was “hey i love you too but only platonically, sorry man” would that be better?)

but no - i actually just... disagree with your point on that front. i can see why you feel the way you do and i acknowledge that it can be read as the start of a conversation. to me though -- and clearly, now that the finale is out, how the writers saw it -- that was actually the end of a conversation. the end of, like you pointed out, 12 years. a 12-year conversation that ends in a gorgeous declaration of love, and specifically how love isn’t about being together, it’s simply about being - it’s about the fact that you love someone, and that feeling alone is the most beautiful thing in existence.

to me, that declaration can only be written and interpreted as an ending. a sacrifice, a declaration, and a goodbye. so - while i kind of expected seeing more people in episode 20 and realize that didn’t happen largely due to covid - i’m not disappointed we didn’t see cas, because that culmination of his narrative (and then knowing he was with jack, after, rebuilding the heaven that he rebelled against and finally completing his narrative circle by fixing all the problems with it alongside the good god he sought to find all along) is kind of perfect.

and i genuinely don’t think if cas was in a female vessel this entire time that that would change. maybe some audience members would feel differently, but i think many of us would see it for the end it was nonetheless. there’s plenty of stories with m/f ships that are one-sided and that character sacrifices themselves for the person they love, so i don’t see why this would be any different (except the bury your gays issue, but that’s a whole other and very real conversation about media tropes).

moving on to the series finale.

As many people have pointed out in praise of 15x20, Sam is the absolute most important thing in Dean’s life, his priority above anything and everything… And yet there, at the actual end of the world, Dean ignores Sam’s call and instead cries over the loss of Castiel. Dean’s loss of Castiel plays in tandem with the loss of literally the whole world. But we’re not to take that as a promise that Castiel means more to this story, or to Dean, than a couple seconds of wistfulness after the dust settles?

I... yeah. i don’t see what this even is arguing. that dean taking a minute to himself to grieve his best friend, who just died in part because dean decided to go hunt down billie (who was literally dying anyway). he’s hurting. there’s nothing about this that’s a promise - it’s an end. it’s grief. it’s the horror of losing someone you care about, and the silence that comes after. it’s fundamentally human in it’s pain. and we, the audience, are invited to grieve with dean.

so I mean - of course cas means more to this story. of course he’s meant more than a few seconds of grief, after 12 years. but just because that’s the last time we see him on screen doesn’t mean we don’t value his story, and celebrate how it too came full circle.

You mention cas as a sort of avatar for a different potential ending for the brothers, and highlight him representing:

An ending where higher powers stop yanking them around and they get to actually live in the life they’ve built for themselves.

So while i never considered cas an avatar for that, i do think we all wanted the brothers to have their freedom. “finally free.” so we can agree on wanting that end. but we disagree on whether it was delivered, i guess? because i feel it was.

you also talk about what you and many other fans conceivably wanted a happier ending to look like. can i -- i’m going to be totally honest. i have not seen a single person who’s critiquing the end saying “i just wanted sam and dean to grow old hunting together with their dog until they retire together and die of old age.”

would that be satisfying to those who are mad about the end? i personally don’t think so, but maybe my opinion is being coloured by the most vitriolic fans i’ve seen. if sam and dean got to have the life they wanted free of chuck, and dean didn’t die, and they kept going (or retired and opened a bar together!). maybe sam still had a kid, but again because romance wasn’t the point, the wife wasn’t important and they left her blurry still so we could interpret ourselves if she was a wife or a co-parent or a surrogate or what. maybe dean has a kid too, with a similar question-mark-wife. maybe we get a few images of them having a holiday with jodie and the girls. and then getting to heaven together in old age, greeting bobby with a beer, and going for a drive.

would that be an end that wouldn’t cause fandom uproar? i would enjoy it, soft an slightly discordant as it would be to me. i prefer the ending we got, bittersweet and heartbreaking though it was, but i wouldn’t be taking to social media to yell about it if we got a softer epilogue, so to speak.

on the other hand... would that still not be enough, at least not for so many of the angry fans? i’m genuinely unsure. it seems to me that so much of the ire is about destiel itself, even if people are pretending it’s about more and other things than that. not everyone, but like, a big portion of them. which leads me to believe that nothing short of dean and cas at least interpretable as together is what they wanted. if every other single thing about the existing finale was the same except that cas was the one to greet dean instead of bobby, and even with the same basic dialogue, without discussing the confession, but they have a lingering smile, and dean leaves to drive and wait for sam with the promise he’ll see cas later -

if everything else stayed the same except who greeted dean, i genuinely don’t believe i’d be seeing almost any critique of the finale on my dash. maybe i’m cynical, but that’s where i’m at.

which is part of why i really struggle to believe that people are engaging in good faith when they critique the finale. because i feel like if it offered them either a) everything they’re purportedly asking for but still no cas and zero hint of destiel, vs. b) every other thing they claim to hate stays the same except there’s a wink and nod to destiel - i believe they would take the wink and nod.

On to some other things you raised:

But how can you know to walk away from a tragedy if the tragedy says “the end won’t be a tragedy, keep watching” right up until it ends in tragedy?

Oh i Get this. I hate thinking i’m consuming fun media only for it to rip my heart out at the end. i’ve literally - well, i’ve had a very unpleasant and distressing experience of this, actually. so i get it. also the opposite: i sometimes feel disappointed when i’m consuming media that is gripping and intense and painful, but then the end is too easy, too soft and happy?

BUT - supernatural never pretended it would have a happy end? the end was so. much. happier. than i ever expected. the Swan Song end was going to have Sam in hell being tortured by lucifer for eternity. according to something i read which i am fundamentally too lazy to link because who knows if it would have turned out this way but -- kripke was apparently going to have Dean jump in the cage with him at that end, if the series ended on S5? the ‘horror’ ending. completely devastating sacrifice for mankind (sam), and completely devastating sacrifice for his brother (dean). just -- oof. even if that wasn’t the plan and the series would’ve ended as the episode did - sam was still in the cage and cas was off waging war in heaven and dean was living every day knowing he was alive and his brother was being tortured.

i’m sorry if you thought you were watching a happier show. i know how much that hurts. that doesn’t mean the story was actually that happy though. sometimes, it’s on us as consumers to acknowledge we were misreading the media. i’ve had to do this. it’s hard, it hurts, but it helps you consume things healthier. i’ve had to do this growing recently, and i’m better off for it.

regarding the specific manner of dean’s death - that’s really not what my post was about and i’m not gonna address it here. i’ve talked about it elsewhere and so have others, and @lovetincture‘s original post spelled it out beautifully, in how human it was. i have feelings on how and why i loved dean’s death, and why it was the absolute opposite of what Chuck’s ending was and what he wanted (no blaze of glory), but i’ll leave those for another time.

They cast aside all the relationships they’ve built. [...] They lost/walked away from the life and home they built in the bunker. Dean got a season 1 death. Sam got a season 1 life.

I feel that there is a very huge difference between regression and progression when it comes to cyclical storytelling. And that difference seems to be missing from the ongoing discussions i’ve seen about this in fandom.

Coming full circle to season 1 does not at all mean that the development is ‘undone’ or that the story has regressed or that anything has been lost or destroyed. It can mean that, if the storyteller doesn’t know what the hell they’re doing, but in this case i don’t (personally) feel it’s a fair critique.

Dean’s death might parallel his s1 not-quite death from Faith, but the s15 result of that death is night and day. Dean is no longer alone. Dean does not go up to a lonely heaven filled with bittersweet memories, where even his canonical soulmate and him have wide gulfs between the memories they fill their shared heaven with. Dean dies a hunter, but he dies a hunter who literally saved earth and changed heaven and gets to spend eternity with his brother, side-by-side and together without all the pain and miscommunication, and he gets to see his family and loved ones too. he died having literally made the world so much better.

even without that though?

his story comes full circle, but dean’s character development isn’t about his death, it’s about the fact that in the first several seasons dean could hardly admit he cared without acting like his teeth were being pulled. he was too afraid of abandonment to ask for someone to be by his side. he was too afraid of rejection to let anyone in. and in the end? he asks sam to stay. he tells him that he loves him. he pours his heart out and says all the things that 15 years ago were stoppered in his throat, words trying and failing to claw their way free but his hurt and fears were too deep.

dean is free.

the point of dean’s story coming full circle to season 1 parallels was specifically to highlight this incredible development, not to undermine it. he is different. he is free.

god it makes me tear up just thinking about how happy i am for him despite how gutted i was by that scene??

(i could write a similar analysis for sam, about how he left for stanford to escape his life and how his finale life montage bits were the opposite of that, but honestly this post is long enough already).

Destiel is loosely a part of that promise in the sense that Castiel is a part of that promise. The symbol of free will

You make a super interesting argument about Cas being a symbol of free will. I don’t have much to say about it, because I’m gonna mull it over, because I think it’s kinda cool and I’ve never thought about it.

That’s - all i’ve got. thanks again for engaging. i’m happy to continue the convo if you have questions or want to reblog/reply

(though my followers might hate me omg, i’ve been spamming long spn meta posts for weeks now, it’s just been so confronting to see the ongoing fan reaction on twitter and how divided it is...)

#spn meta #supernatural #supernatural meta #spn #fandom discussions #uhhh what do y'all want me to tag this #it's not wank?#it's an open discussion which i like a lot #hmmm #discourse #i'll just go with that #destiel #kind of #this won't show up in the ship tag because that's not in the first 5 tags so i'm safe i hope #don't wanna be a dick and put this in the ship tag #long post #long post for ts #sorry if there are typos it is almost midnight and i am sleepy

32 notes · View notes

rpbetter · 3 years

Note

You make some really good posts!! Can I ask something about DNIs? I know it's not directly RP-related, but I have trouble as an RPer with how many DNIs, with urls, there are now. I try not to interact with muns who have them, I block them, because it feels manipulative? But I'm also tempted to block people who follow those muns, because they probably think their DNIs are okay to have, so they're still "bad", just not as bad? Do you think that's overkill, am I shooting myself in the foot?

Oh, thank you! I'm very happy you've enjoyed them!

And, of course, ask anything at all!

I think, ultimately, the answer to whether that's overkill is entirely dependent on what your experience is and if you're happy with it. I don't think it is overkill at all, but if you feel like it is costing you too many mutuals, it might be overkill for you.

I'm a pretty insular RPer, I like a handful of close writing partners that I write a lot of threads with, so, having something like, under ten writing partners is great for me while it's miserable for other muns. I can go wild on blocking and not have it negatively impact my enjoyment, but I know that's not the case for everyone!

And I do, actually, I do go pretty wild with the blocking when it comes to things like DNIs. If it comes off as policing to me, not just something like a difference of opinion or a strong opinion on something, I'm going to block. Otherwise, it's just recognizing that this isn't a mun I'm going to work out with, but no hard feelings. With policing though...I don't want that anywhere near me or my mutuals, so, it's going to be a block.

Because they do tend to be in these odd, like, nested situations lol I totally will spend the effort if their DNI is bad enough to look at the muns they interact with and make sure I don't have future contact with them either. The RPC is such a big place, making it easier to forget URLs than to remember them, but it's also a place where we establish circles of contact, making it easier to run into the same group repeatedly. I feel like it's better for my peace of mind to be a little more certain than not at all that this isn't going to happen as easily.

If that DNI etc. has been so awful, I definitely don't require their mutuals professing the same beliefs as loudly as they are. If you interact with someone, maybe you don't know their pet fish's name or the obscure lore in a headcanon they posted five years ago or the rule they updated without telling anyone, but you do know what is on their pinned post or blog description or rules. At some point, we all visit each other's blogs in dash-view if nothing else when we're getting replies or checking for memes they might have posted, going through their tags, whatever. I do not believe that you're mutuals who reblog from each other often, reply frequently to each other, ship each other's muses and so forth, and all this time, you've somehow failed to notice your bestie mun is telling proshippers to die in their DNI lmao

No, you've seen it. And I find it extremely hard to believe, too, that it's never come up in conversation OOC either.

So, this hypothetical mutual is so oblivious to others, completely agrees with the other one's views while not feeling confident enough to share them publicly, or is scared enough of the other one that they won't disagree...and no matter which/which combination that might be, they're not a mutual I want.

Especially when it comes to a DNI with someone's URL in it. Hard pass on anyone who is okay with that!

If I visited a writing partner's blog, let's say this person is also my closest friend, I value them and the threads I have with them so much, and I saw that in their DNI they had dropped someone's URL? We would have to talk. I'd have to bring it up because it's the right thing to do (and would also be highly out of character for any of my friends, thus very concerning). There would have to be a question posed about what happened here, why did you feel like this was a good choice, and do you think it's increasing or lessening the problem to have that there?

Honestly, sometimes people do get so upset about something that has happened that their worst impulses are let loose freely. When you ask someone you have an established relationship with about that, unless you're being really hateful about it right off, it can help them settle down, take a step back, and see that this is maybe not the right action to take. To me, silence says you're okay with it.

When muns started putting more elaborate DNI's in, that alone rubbed me the wrong way because I genuinely do not think that the majority of that information is at all necessary. It's something I can see and fully understand minors doing, not because they're terrible or anything but because the impulses and rationale are just different. You're very much geared to be as loud as possible about things that are important to you, making them a part of you in a huge way, as a teenager. Shit just is unreasonably intense! But as an adult, I expect that behavior to be different. You don't actually need to say on your RP blog's DNI that "transphobes WILL be blocked!!!"

Well, yes, I should hope so lol we're a community filled with muns who are trans, I'd certainly hope you were not cool with that kind of thing. It's one of those assumptive states, it goes without saying because, in a group of legitimate adults, it literally doesn't have to be said that a trans mun in a group of trans muns in a RPC filled with trans muns would be intolerant of transphobic assholes.

And, no one likes a damn transphobe, it's not like this stunning, fresh information, here. Not making such a statement does not, in fact, act as a welcome.

Saying that, and I do not mean literally just that, it's just an example of the type of things found in a common DNI, is a little immature for me. Some of those things are, in addition to being purely self-validating: playing into the fear created by policing, virtue signaling, policing, or baiting. And all of them are pointless. Telling someone who would already be bigoted toward you and others to not interact if they somehow miraculously ID as whatever label that takes for them to not interact with your posts is waving a metaphoric red flag in front of a bull. Kind of like tagging a post as either "antis don't interact" or "proshippers don't interact." Actual quickest and most assured way to get that interaction!

I totally understand the age thing, it's self-protecting. Most people do respect it, but when they don't, you've clearly stated that this is not for whatever age group. Things pertaining to your writing and/or muse I also understand and think are great for a quick glance before someone even gets to the rules. Having in a DNI something like "muns who are easily triggered by gore" when you write a horror muse, for instance. You're advising them that this isn't a great idea for them, and it shouldn't be expected that you change your muse and topics because they decided to follow anyway.

But it became excessive very quickly, and there is the expectation that blogs have a DNI. The further expectation is that there be a specific list of things found in that DNI, if yours does not include it, you obviously don't have a problem with those things. I really cannot be okay with that, you know?

However, when it wasn't being used as a callout or a way to police, that was something that could just be ignored. Once URLs of other RPers started to appear, it was a whole other problem.

It used to be the pervading rule of the RPC that it is not alright to force other muns to chose between you and another mun that you had an issue with, but now we have DNIs with other muns' URLs in them. Now, it's the opposite take - if you have an issue with a URL being dropped in a DNI, or if you continue to interact with the mun, you're likely to get a callout or be on the receiving end of other bullying.

So, I very much think the self-insulating thing to do is to avoid those mutuals as well as the RPer with the URL-laden DNI. They could just block you, but is someone who was so juvenile as to put another mun's URL in their damn DNI going to be mature enough to do that? Will their friends once they complain about you? For me, it's too high of a risk of being around muns I wish would take a very long break from RP and only come back once they've grown up some.

I would never advise anyone to do something that is erring on the side of getting them into harassment water unnecessarily (as in, not something that pertains to digging in your heels and writing what you want or not tolerating bullying where you see it happening), and I feel like not doing what you are is that. However, I also am a firm believer in agency, even to make mistakes.

So, if you genuinely feel like blocking mutuals of someone with a URL-dropped/callout/other highly offensive and bullying thing in their DNI is costing you so many chances to RP that you're no longer enjoying yourself here? You might want to consider adjusting how widely you are blocking.

If that's the case, try going for mutuals who are what I call Casual Mutuals and leaving them open. Those are mutuals that the mun doesn't write with often or at all, they're technically mutuals because they both follow each other, but that's it. There might be some liking of posts or even comments or non-committal, OOC style memes sent in by Casual Mutuals, but that interaction is sparse and, yep, casual. These mutuals might legitimately be unaware of the mun's hateful, bullying bullshit in the DNI, or they are actually afraid to unfollow/block them at this point, so their option feels like staying around as quietly as possible.

With that last deal...you could even be doing someone a favor, Anon. When I've encountered that situation before, it's come about because the other person's Casual Mutual is painfully anxious, shy, and a previous victim of bullying. They feel isolated, they don't have many or any writing partners, and they really, truly, are terrified to distance themselves in a way that might be noticed. It's a type of toxic interaction that rarely gets mentioned in PSAs, presumably because it is so low on the actual interaction scale.

Giving them someone else in their corner, especially if that other mun is more open about their intolerant stance on bullying, can go a long way toward giving someone else confidence. I've had other people's Casual Mutuals become my Casual Mutuals and wouldn't you know it? After a while, they get braver. They see my friends and mutuals doing our thing without any of the bullying going on, they see us supporting anti-policing and not tolerating bullying, and they get brave enough to unfollow the hateful mun. It feels nice to even inadvertently help someone, and over the years, some of those Casual Mutuals have become great writing partners, too. People I would have missed if I had made the choice to block them by the association of a hateful mun they were trapped in the orbit of.

Just try to exercise caution! You seem like a reasonable person who doesn't mind truly thinking on things or doing the work required to be cautious. Assume the close mutuals are a problem, too, and block away. Build a wall with some razor wire on it with those blocks! Don't assume the low-interaction, very casual mutuals are, though. Check out their blogs for signs of agreement with Hateful Mun, and if they don't have any, give them a shot as far as just leaving them unblocked goes.

I also have to say, here at the end, that it's extremely nice to see that people out there are doing this. Honestly would have thought I'd be the last person to encourage a ton of blocking, but that's the environment of the RPC now, and it's really the only way we can deal with this issue. You can't reason with these people, you can't stop them, you can only stay away from them for your own good and send a message that this isn't benefiting them. Not everyone agrees with them, they're not going to keep having people left open for their attacks or their RP entertainment. And if enough people are just walling them off, that is a message they'll have to receive because RP runs on interaction with others.

They might think they want every "nasty ass" xyz Problematic RPer to block them, not interact, or vanish from their view of the RPC, but I don't think they realize what that really looks like. What it looks like is a huge percentage of the RPC missing, including people they didn't realize were "problematic." We tend to be quieter, wanting to stay in our own lanes and actually enjoy the hobby and each other. That's why they have to resort to shit like making everyone pre-guilty, or setting up traps to catch people out on being "gross."

So, I genuinely do not think they're prepared for the rude awakening of silence that would happen if we all actually vanished, but I am dying to see it lol and do sometimes have to wonder if the complaints about the RPC being dead/dying/empty, not in a fandom but overall, are coming from the purity police some of the time. It's quite active over on the Leave Folks Alone Over Fiction side of life :D

#answered #anonymous #policing #dni lists #blocking #rp advice #rp problems

3 notes · View notes

quickspinner · 4 years

Text

On commenting and feedback

Hey friends...so something’s been bothering me a little and I want to talk about it for a sec. I want to be clear I’m not making this post to call out anyone in particular, this is an entire trend I’m seeing and I just...kind of want us all to take a breath for a second.

Every so often I feel like there’s a wave of posts that goes around about how important commenting and reblogging is to support writers. And that’s absolutely true. A fandom that doesn’t interact with its content creators dies a pretty pathetic death, it’s absolutely true.

But the tone of a lot of these posts have started to bother me, especially as I see newer writers pick them up, and I just want to put some things in perspective here, and leave some thoughts for both the writers, and the readers.

Readers, your comments are absolutely valued and extremely motivating for creators to receive. At the same time, there’s no contract that says writers are entitled to a certain level of feedback. It is not on you as a sole individual to reach an invisible standard of interaction that will cause them to create more. And if you’re sweating and freaking out and guilting yourself over commenting--then don’t. Find the level of interaction you’re comfortable with that, and accept it, and don’t feel guilty about it. If writing a comment for me causes you agony and robs whatever joy you took out of my story, then I don’t want it. I truly don’t. Just leave the kudos if you can. There’s lots of helpful advice out there on how to comment if you want to but aren’t sure what to say, and when in doubt, read the other comments and feel free to add “what they said!” or use them as a model for your own comment. But absolve yourself of the guilt. Do your best.

Writers. My friends. My colleagues. There’s nothing wrong with wanting validation and feedback. Yes, it is absolutely disheartening when you put a lot of effort into your work and you don’t receive the level of reaction you are hoping for. You put yourself on the line and you did something scary and you should be very, very proud of that. At the same time, no one chained you to the desk. No one forced you to pour out your soul. No one guaranteed you a certain number of comments of a guaranteed minimum length. Sometimes you throw out a line out there and nobody picks it up, and you feel sad and alone, but that’s not the fault of whoever was on the other side. You chose to put yourself out there, I hope because there was just something inside you that had to come out. And the best you can do is make that choice with your eyes open. Just like there are plenty of good published books in the world that never made the bestseller list for reasons completely unrelated to the effort put into them or the quality of their content, sometimes you publish something at the wrong time, or to the wrong audience, or in the wrong place, and it just doesn’t hit the way you want it to.

And I especially want the young writers and the new writers to hear this: you know what? This problem has always been there, and it’s never going to go away. I’ve been publishing fic off and on since I was 18 and the major form of feedback was leaving messages on a website’s guestbook. It’s always been a problem. As writers we’re hungry for feedback. We want to know someone is on the other end. The supply is never going to equal our demand. Regardless of whether or not that is fair or the way things should be, that’s the way things are. You’ve got to find a way to be at peace with that, or you’re going to be frustrated and discouraged forever. It will get better as you grow in your craft and grow your audience - and as it does, it will take more and more to satisfy you. So just, take a minute before you lash out because you feel your effort isn’t as reciprocated as you feel it should be. I’m all for spreading awareness of how much writers crave feedback and what a boost it is for us to receive it, but we don’t have to throw a temper tantrum to do that.

I encourage you to think about your piece a little bit before you publish it and calibrate your expectations. Every piece has it audience and some of them are going to be smaller than others. Sometimes that is not “fair;” by which I mean, an audience’s response is not necessarily proportional to the amount of time, effort, and emotion put into a work. As of the time I wrote this, my silly little piece that I wrote for fun in an afternoon has literally three times the number of notes as the fic I have put the most heart and work into, despite the one being extremely short and the other being multiple chapters. I’m not particularly bothered by that, it was entirely predictable (although sometimes it’s not; sometimes audience is very, very unpredictable). Things that are funny or sexy are almost always going to get more attention than things that are deep and angsty, things that are short are frequently going to get a bigger audience than things that are long. Just consider your expectations.

It also takes time to build an audience. I recently reblogged a post of mine from early last year when I was newly returned to tumblr that had 9 total notes and it quickly shot up into the 70s. Same fic, not a word different, it’s just that over the last year I’ve built a bigger audience. So consider that, as well. As you’re trying to build that audience, do you really want your brand to be ‘that author who’s always complaining about people commenting’? There are some things in life where you have to get angry to effect change. I don’t feel that fic feedback is one of them.

“But how am I going to improve?” My friends. Expecting to improve your writing from internet comments on your work is like fishing with a deep sea trawler. You might get some good stuff but you’re going to dredge up a lot of trash in the meantime, and it’s probably not worth your effort and the toll on your confidence to wade through it. Find yourself a group of people, either in real life or online, who you trust to give meaningful feedback. Sometimes that’s super easy, and sometimes it’s not. But it’s completely worth it to find people who both challenge and encourage you, and it’s a lot less discouraging than inviting internet trolls to beat you over the head. Be specific, too, in asking for the type of feedback you want. I myself am extremely sensitive to criticism, so I choose to ask for it only in very limited ways, from very specific people. To continue the previous metaphor, use a fishing pole in the right type of water with appropriate bait, to make sure you’re getting the kind of feedback you want.

But you want to know a secret?

It’s okay to not care about improving. It’s okay to just enjoy what you’re doing. So if you want to improve, by all means try. But if you just think you should want to improve, when in reality you just want to write a fun story, that’s totally okay too. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not necessarily be the best that you can be. Let yourself write the fun silly crack once in a while; not everything has to be a V. Serious Undertaking.

I’ve rambled on long enough, so let me just conclude with this: It’s okay to want validation. It’s okay to encourage people to comment, to tell them how much their comments and reblogs mean to you, to ask them to leave you feedback whenever they can, and give helpful tips about ‘how to comment if you’re not sure to comment.’ It’s not about the request, it’s about the tone. It’s not okay to browbeat people, accuse them of killing fandom, to tell them that they’re the reason that you aren’t writing more/anymore, because that’s patently untrue. You are responsible for your own creative process, and if it can’t thrive without constant reassurance, then that’s not an audience problem, my friend. That’s a disease that’s terminal for your writing.

And finally, remember to support your fellow writers and creators. Nobody gets it the way fellow creators get it, and if we can’t depend on each other for support, we’re certainly not going to get it outside our own community. If you do feel compelled to reblog one of those rants on commenting, I hope you paused before you did it to go leave comments yourself. Creating content doesn’t give you a magical exemption from supporting others. None of us can hold up the fandoms and float our ships all by ourselves. Do as much as you can to support your fellow creators, and if you can’t, then that’s okay. Just extend the same grace and courtesy to your own readers, okay?

#quickrambles #unpopular opinion maybe #on writing #on feedback #readers thank you for your support

29 notes · View notes

alittlefrenchtree · 4 years

Note

I feel so conflicted about Timmy. I loved the sweet, humble guy he was, but now he acts like the biggest diva, going to fashion shows, only hanging out with famous people. I miss the old Timmy, what I see now I don't like. And I don't like that he left earlier and didn't care about Armie, but can stop rehearsing to show his face at fashion weeks. I feel at the beginning it was only about his talent, now it's more about his fashion choices. I don't want to hate, I just feel different about him.

Me @ everyone who will read this answer : Please be kind?

Seriously, just be kind. That’s not a question, just be kind.

More important, unless you’re Nonny and looking for an answer of mine you really don’t have to read all of that. It’s mostly an observation on how Timmy’s career and image is handled right now and nothing groundbreaking at all. There a little bit about his relationship with Armie towards the end. Honestly even you, Nonny, you weren’t probably asking for an answer this long. I just love to hear myself thought, apparently. Sorry if it’s boring as hell for you 😅

I choose to believe that this ask isn’t coming from a wickedness place and doesn’t want to be mean. That’s the main reason why I’m answering this ask, instead of deleting it.

The second reason is because I’ve been contemplating the same kind of questions and the same kind of issues about Timmy for a while now. And since I’m now mostly at peace with all of it, and with the way I see him, I thought it could be interesting to share around that.

By sharing my view on how things are at this moment, I don’t want to invalidate your feelings, dear Nonny (or anyone who feels the same way). Like I said, I understand where they come from. I only hope that, by reading a different point of view, you’ll managed to feel a little bit less conflicted and maybe go back to enjoy some Timmy content like you used to. I hope I won’t sound to harsh or anything. This isn’t my intention at all.

I think the most important thing to remember is that 99% of what we see of Timmy is work. The work of an actor is not only acting. Especially when you have the ambition to become and to stay the kind of actor Timmy wants to be. Every time you see him at a public event, he’s working. Networking is working. Existing in the media eyes is working. Attending as fashion shows is working. That doesn’t mean that, in the case of fashion show for example, Haider isn’t also his friend. Of course they’re friends and of course he’s also showing support for his friend’s work. But it’s also a work relationship. That’s why it needs to be public. Haider is the one dressing him for the premieres of his movies. Haider is one of those who helped build his fashion reputation. Being seen together and publicly supporting each other work, it’s good for both of them, professionally speaking. What I mean is, when you see Tim at a fashion show or at a Hollywood party, it’s not free time for him. It’s a scheduled event on his work schedule. So when you said that he stops rehearsing to go to fashion show, that’s not entirely true. Firstly because it’s on week-end. Secondly, it would be like saying that he stops acting to do promo. Both things are work. Attending to Haider’s fashion show is also work.

Beside the London-Paris journey is hardly an effort. It would take me almost the same amont of time to go to Paris using public transports and I’m living like really close to Paris. And beside bis Timmy has seen SWM within the window of two days that was allowed by his work schedule so it’s not like he has never managed to make things work for Armie either.

For me, the problem is that Timmy has three jobs at the moment. He’s ‘one of the best actor of his generation’, the ‘most influential man in fashion’ and ‘a heartthrob for teenagers and young adults’. I’m phrasing things this way on purpose, because it shows how much weighs on him at the moment. All of this means a lot of expectations on him, a lot of judgements but also a lot of money depending on him. Even if all of his current statuts has been happening in a more or less natural way (he’s one of the best actor of his generation because he’s good at acting, his interest for fashion seems genuine and… well… He’s damn cute so of course he’s a teenage dream), my main concern is the fact that, right now, his public image is handled to encourage these three status at the same time. As long as his acting career is doing fine, it’s not a problem. If his acting career starts to be on the skids, or if one of his parts on a movie is suddenly having very bad reviews, the whole world will start to look at him and at his fashion/heartthrob statuts with different eyes.

But that moment hasn’t happened yet so I think it’s unfair to call him out on that now. He has shown nothing but hard work on the acting part of his career, and he has great things aligned for the next year. He’s a lead on the Dune remake by Denis Villeneuve, he’s starring on a Wes Anderson movie, he has that Bob Dylan thing who he seems really committed to and he’s about to do a run of a promising play. I think his choice on going back to theater, where everything is about acting, is really relevant of how focused is still he’s on acting.

I think it’s also interesting to notice the timing. For the past two years, Timmy has always been disappearing around that time of the year. So much that the Timmy drought has become a thing in the fandom. In the past, Timmy has expressed his need of disappearing and ‘going back in the mud’, both literally and figuratively, after being exposed to public eyes at this extend and for a long period of time. Truth is, I believe that Timmy is not allowed to disappear anymore. I don’t think you’re allowed to disappear for a while when Legendary Pictures is betting a lot amount of money on your pretty face. Because to disappear means media and social media will talk less about you and, in this industry, if people stop talking about you it basically means you’re dead.

So he can’t disappear. But somehow he found a way to focus on acting through theater, even if he has to do it in front of the public eyes. To be honest, I think it’s the least bad solution. I think the need to disappear for him (or anyone for that matter) for a decent period of time is really crucial for mental health and he hasn’t had this opportunity for a while, and I’m afraid he won’t have it either for the near future. Don’t get me wrong, I love that he’s doing theater again. I love having the opportunity to see him live perform I just wish he has a little bit more time to stay off the radar before going back for a whole year of craziness.

I understand that it can be frustrating to feel like most of the talks about him are about something else than his roles or his movies or his acting skills. Like I said, it’s part because of his/his team’s fault because they’ve been feeding the talk so it can keep going and going. It’s also part because the world works this way and is superficial as hell. Movie talks last a few months with the pre-promo/the premieres/the actually promo. A little bit more if you’re lucky enough to get nominations and awards. Then it becomes old news. Timmy’s persona exists every day. He’s doing and wearing new things every day and people are always more excited by what’s new. And the media will keep on using anything to have him as click-bait. It’s a win-win situation for both sides.

Except you never know when people are going to switch. One day they keep on waiting more and more of someone and the next day, they already grew tired of thi person. It’s been too much. They over did it. I sometimes use a tag that say something like « when can we say that too much is too much? » to react to what people and media sometimes do/write/say about Timmy to express this kind of feeling. Of course Tim and his team can’t control everything that is being said about him but I believe that the decisions they made in the past year? year and an half? have lead to this kind of craziness. This makes me think of that french paper, which was basically saying ‘why don’t we stop to consider Timmy as a kitten and make a fuss of everything he did and why don’t we start focusing on how he acts, because that is the real interesting thing to talk about.

Despite everything I can’t hold all of this too-much-ness against him when he’s still working so hard on his roles. I can’t blame him when I think of him giving so much on himself in that before-the-battle speech in The King that I want to go fight with and for him. I can’t blame him when I see him giving so much of himself for Laurie that he’s making me laugh and melt in the middle of a cinema room full of people when I’m usually pretty stoic in public. I just can’t blame him when I hear him talk about Dune and being so excited that he literally can’t stop himself for bouncing on his chair. I just can’t.

What I can do is not not pay attention to everything. I know it’s not an easy thing to do on tumblr and on social media when he’s everywhere and people are retweeting and reblogging the same things over and over again but if I’m not interested, I try to not pay attention. Back during CMBYN and BB era, I think I was looking at and reading everything. I’ve stopped shortly after. I didn’t read the article you’re referring to, for example. Because what’s Timmy is wearing interests me but not the shallow and irrelevant articles people will write about it. Most of them will say the same thing, that it’s Timothée Chalamet world now and us peasants are just humbly living on it. It’s going to be said over and over again until something newer, younger comes along. It’s ok. Being a teenage heartthrob will pass. Being the most influential man in fashion will probably also pass. I mean his fashion choices will probably keep on arousing interest but the world is going to catch up. Eventually.

But acting will stay.

And if in the meantime, he manages to enjoy a little bit of more superficial things and take a shot or two of confidence along the way without regretting too many decisions he made, I say why not let him do that? It’s not like we have a word to say anyway.

I understand what you mean about missing him being sweet and humble even if I disagree with you. I’m not saying that he’s not sweet and humble anymore but I felt something shift between the BB era and TK era. It’s also frustrating because it’s more a feeling than something I can prove or explain. I just don’t think he’s changed, I think he’s a little bit more guarded than before. And if I look at things from an human perspective, it makes sense?

The more people are watching me, irl or online, the more I’m going to be cautious about things I said and how I behave. The more guarded I’ll be. And in my case, we’re only talking about dozens from a few hundreds tops of people tops. Can you imagine living your life in front of millions people? I’d put some distance and some defenses between me and the world as well. He has to if he wants to survive.

We’ve been lucky to have witnessed something as precious and rare as what we have witnessed during the CMBYN and a little bit during the BB era. It was something beautiful but it wasn’t meant to last. Not in the same kind of proportions anyway.

So I don’t think Timmy is acting like the biggest diva. Like I’ve said, what we see of his life is 99% work-related and we see about 10% of his time? Less of that?

Like for example, he’s been in London for what? 10-12 days now? And if I’m not mistaking, we haven’t seen him anywhere except from fans meeting him briefly outside of the theater and him picking up food? Whatever he’s doing, if he has a wild life or if he’s in bed at 9pm every night, he’s being discreet about it. Like he’s always been discreet about his private life, his close friends and his family. Just because he’s discreet about it doesn’t mean he doesn’t see them — old friends and people who aren’t famous. He just doesn’t feel the need to post their face on social media or meeting them in front of paparazzis.

Of course if I wanted to see him as a diva, I could. I’d look at him wearing sunglasses inside and declare that he’s a diva. When there could be thousands of reasons for him to wear sunglasses inside. I wouldn’t surprise me to learn that flashes during fashion week are painful for the eyes, especially for people with color eyes as light as Timmy’s. Especially if you’re tired. Or hangover. Or maybe he’s just thinking of sunglasses as an integral part of his outfit. Like shoes or socks or jewelry or backpacks. Or maybe he just feel safer that way and it helps his anxiety. I tried wearing sunglasses all day long at a couple of occasions when I was particularly tired and it was kind of amazing. Plus it allows you to avoid eye contact with humans which is also amazing.

I wanted to touch a little bit on the fashion topic before moving on to the Armie one. I’m guessing you’re not really passionate or fond of fashion. It’s ok. You’re allowed to and fashion and haute couture don’t do much to help themselves. Or didn’t do much. I guess things are slowly changing like everywhere else. But there are a lot of ego, of superficiality, a lot of changes and improvements that could be made. A friend who has worked for designers and still work in the fashion industry once told me that the industry wouldn’t be that bad if designers stop acting like they were saving the world with their clothes. My point is, just because something has a reputation, doesn’t mean every person who takes part of this thing has the same reputation. There are people in fashion who are truly passionate about what they’re doing and teach you things about fashion that make you look at clothes as wearable pieces of art. Because when you look closely at haute couture, you can see that fashion can take its influences in architecture, sculpture, painting and in many many others artistic disciplines. It has its own history, its own revolutions, its own movements. It tells something about our time and ourselves as a society. All of that goes without even mentioning the close relationship between fashion, high fashion and movies, which I’m sure is very interesting from a Timmy perspective. (I swear I wrote all of that before reading the Dazed itw. Like pinky swear).

At this point, Timmy could have a seat in the first row for every fashion show of every brand. He could attend to all of them, with a different outfit for each, make a show every time and take all the clothes that designers would sell their cat to see him wearing. He doesn’t. He shows up for about two designers and communicate about one more and that’s all. It’s work. Something related to his red carpet premieres. It’s fun and something he uses to express himself and his personality. I think he said something in the Dazed interview among these lines. That fashion is fun but is main focus in on acting.

Here :

“With the development of my career, I also slowly entered the fashion industry. I can feel that fashion and movies are similar to a certain extent. For me, participating in a movie or wearing a suit is about the people I work with, not the brand or money. That's why I keep working with Haider and Virgil. I also maintain good relationships with many brands, but I will not be overly tied to fashion for this. Because my career is an actor, my dream is to be an actor, and I am very satisfied and very happy to be an actor.”

Regarding of Armie… Honestly I’m kind of tired of the debate. Because I’m tired of what the debate says about how we see relationships these days, without even talking about Armie and Timmy.

I’m still trying to understand at which point we has started to need public proofs of private relationships. Likes, Facebook statuts, pictures shared publicly, couple selfies… I mean what the point? How have we become so insecure about relationships and ourselves that we’re now feeling the need to share proofs of private relationships with the whole world to believe it? And to the point that we are now projecting our own insecurities on relationships of others? It makes absolutely no sense to me.

If I wasn’t talking with/seeing my close ones for a whole year or a whole decade for whatever reason, they would still be my close ones. I believe the same thing about Armie and Timmy. Except these two idiots seems to be talking to each other all the time and seeing each other pretty regularly. But because Armie isn’t about work anymore, we don’t have to see it.

Over the past four years, they’ve done nothing but showing and saying how much they care about each other and know about each other and how much they’re still close. Timmy literally said I love you to Armie in a damn public speech. Name me another person for whom he said that. The three words, plane and simple.

If you’re willing to believe that liking each other post on social media or showing up at a public events or pose in front of photographers are better proofs of closeness that what they’ve been doing so far, that says something about how you see relationships, not about how they really are.

Loving someone is not always about rubbing it off publicly for everyone to see. More often than not, loving someone is about answering your phone in the middle of the night, because the person you love and care about can’t sleep or is on another time zone and needs you. That something you can show off on social media or get papped. And maybe we need to start to believe that it’s even more valuable exactly because of that.

#alft asks

151 notes · View notes

maggot-monger · 3 years

Text

some musings on shipping culture

just to get this out of the way: this post is prompted by things i have seen people say and reblog recently about a variety of ships and fandoms, some of which i have been in, some of which i have not. it is not directed at any individual in particular.

i am also not upset. how other people like to enjoy fandom is interesting to me but ultimately it’s totally irrelevant to how i like to enjoy fandom. in fact, my apathy about other people’s favorite ships is a major reason i am curious about how some people respond to each other/canon/whatever.

the main question is: why do people care what other people ship and why they ship it?

here’s what i got. this list is not ordered by importance.

1) purity culture

tbh i am kind of burnt out with thinking about purity culture. probably a lot of reasons are somewhat related to purity culture, but i don’t want to get into whether or not it’s ok for people to ship stuff they wouldn’t condone in reality (although for the record, if you couldn’t tell, my opinion is: ship literally whatever you want). so, moving on.

2) whether or not ships are likely to become canon

a lot of the time, this debate gets avoided either because none of the ships being argued over are likely ever to become canon, or because one of them is almost definitely going to become canon. sometimes it’s an argument about which relationship is more important, whether romantic or not (two examples: 1) most wincest shippers understand that sam and dean were never going to kiss on the mouth on tv, but are very invested in the brothers’ relationship being the central relationship in the show regardless. 2) debates over whether elsa in frozen should have a girlfriend or stay single).

much of the time, people get passionate about ships going canon because of issues of representation. wanting the queer ship; wanting the ship involving at least one character from an underrepresented group; wanting the ship that resonates with some meaningful experience much of the audience can relate to. that’s all cool. i get all of that. i don’t personally have many feelings about ships i like going canon because that’s not really part of the experience for me, but i understand why it’s appealing to others.

i do not, however, understand why some people whose ships might become canon care about telling people whose ships are never going to become canon that their ships are, uh, never going to become canon. like, in my experience, usually people who ship a never-going-to-be-canon ship know that it’s never going to be canon, and while they might be salty about it, they aren’t claiming that their thing is going to be what happens in canon. i get why never-going-to-be-canon shippers might get pissy at might-be-canon shippers because it sucks to “lose,” or because often (not always) might-be-canon ships are very popular comparatively and it can get tiresome to see your fandom dominated by something you don’t like/care about. but why do fans of popular (might-be-)canon ships get pissy about fans of never-gonna-be-canon ships, within fandom spaces?

a lot of this tension might be because of fandom dominance wars, rather than canon dominance wars. the never-gonna-be-canon shippers might feel that the might-be-canon shippers are dominating fandom spaces, but the might-be-canon shippers might feel that the never-gonna-be-canon shippers are dominating canon spaces. often when this happens both ships take up a lot of fandom space regardless of which takes up more, and might in fact be equally popular. so this might be just misperceptions about relative popularity, and feeling like your ship is being attacked/ignored disproportionately in the fandom when in reality it isn’t. i have definitely seen this sort of attitude from warring flagship supporters many a time.

but ok, to come back to why might-be-canon shippers make arguments against never-gonna-be-canon shippers based on likelihood of canonization: why? i don’t get it. i’ve seen this happen even with people who ship fully realized canon relationships arguing against people who ship fully non-canon relationships. why?

my instinct is to think that last one is a sore winner thing. like, you won dude. good for you. take your winnings and let everybody else lick their wounds/carry on with their own preferences in peace. i’m even inclined to think that canon shippers as a rule should ignore most baiting by non-canon shippers because losers should be allowed to be little a bitter, as a treat. but at this point, i realize that i have just made a claim about how people should act in fandom, and who am i to say that? no one. so: never mind. and it might not be a gloating thing anyway.

another piece of evidence i see people bring up in these arguments is about basis in canon, rather than likelihood of canonization. that seems like another major point, so let’s move on to that.

3) basis in canon

whether or not a ship is likely to become canon, there are lots of conversations about which ships make the most sense given evidence from the canon.

i, being a massive slut for characterization, get this sort of. usually even when i enjoy crack ships i want to make them work with textual evidence somehow. i personally just think it’s more satisfying to figure out how two characters might have met and what would have appealed to them about each other to lead them to connect/date/bang/whatever, even if it never happened and never will happen and nobody would even think about the pairing unless either they were trying to be funny or they were really far down a rabbit hole. that’s my own geeky cross to bear.

i don’t get why “basis in canon” makes any ship better than any other ship though. sometimes a ship is within reach of canon characterization/story, and the work to go from non-canon to canon is suuuper minimal. these ships make sense pretty much as they are. that’s cool! such ships are usually popular for a reason: they appeal to a lot of fans of the canon because not a lot has to be done to the source material to make it work. often, the more you have to modify/do interpretation footwork, the more people’s interesting is going to drop off because you’re getting further from the source, and the source is why everyone is here in the first place. (some fandoms are of course exceptions to this.)

but why is closer-to-canon better? sometimes the work to get from canon to a far-from-canon ship is really clever, and does actually make a lot of sense if you follow the reasoning. sometimes far-from-canon ships are satisfying in a way other closer-to-canon ships aren’t (at least to some people). sometimes far-from-canon ships allow for creativity that closer-to-canon ships don’t. sometimes the appeal of far-from-canon ships is none of that, and it’s purely because the ship is sexy, or it’s controversial, or it’s weird, or people have gotten tired of the fandom flagships and they’re looking for something new.

i don’t understand why any of that is worse than the reasons for shipping something with “more basis in canon.”

personally, i get tired of fandom flagships in most of the fandoms i’ve been in very quickly. furthermore, i lose interest in ships almost immediately if/when they become canon. that’s not a value judgment; it’s just a pattern in my own preferences that i’ve observed from 15+ years of fandom involvement. i enjoy having to work in the murky waters farther from canon to justify my weird little ships. i find the moment of canonization exciting and satisfying (and sometimes emotional and vindicating), but i do not enjoy watching people actually being in romantic relationships very much (part of this is probably due to the fact that i personally do not enjoy being in romantic relationships very much). i also just tend to enjoy elements of ships that a lot of people find off-putting, but this is going back to purity culture and, again, i don’t want to get into that. these preferences reliably lead me away from close-to-canon ships and fandom flagships.

(just to be clear: i’m not being attacked. i do not feel attacked. i'm just using myself as a rhetorical example here.)

does this make my taste in ships bad? i don’t know what "bad taste in ships” means, but if you’re going to say that my taste is bad, i’m going to want you to justify it.

does it make my taste in ships stupid? well, sure, i do like stupid shit sometimes. but i also feel that it would be strange, if not flat-out incorrect, to claim that my taste in off-norm ships is not thoughtful. i think about many of my far-from-canon ships a lot — often, i think about them a lot before i start shipping them/see anyone else ship them, and i decide i like the characters together because i’ve come at it from a character analysis perspective. i have liked ships for some extremely nerdy reasons. a lot of people who like far-from-canon ships get there because they like thinking about characterization and plot and symbolism. to be completely honest, i often end up liking rarepairs in part because the people who end up liking rarepairs often have higher overall intellectual skill and desire to think about things extensively on average than fans of fandom flagships do on average. so, is liking far-from-canon ships stupid? that’s subjective. is it unintelligent? probably not.

is enjoyment of these ships dumber when people don’t get there through a lot of analysis, or when they don’t try to justify their enjoyment once they’ve decided they like a ship? i have seen extremely well-written, clever, extensively researched fic about pairings the author had no interest in justifying, and imo that’s just as intellectually motivated as analysis about why the ship makes sense. so, i would say, no.

is it bad to ship stuff and have no intellectual interest in it all? i mean, everyone can have whatever opinion about this, but in my opinion, no. this is fandom. this is for fun-having. i’m a nerd, but not everybody has to be a nerd. sometimes i like to read stuff that is not nerdy, that just shows me something comforting or new or evocative and doesn’t ask me to care about how we’ve gotten there. i might care anyway, but that’s on me, and it doesn’t make my enjoyment better than the enjoyment of someone who doesn’t want to overthink it.

finally, even if a ship having no basis in canon does make it worse somehow, who cares? what is the point of arguing over ship quality, of all things? is it just elitism? is it defensiveness against criticism of fan work being inferior to original work? is it a desire for everything to make sense, paired with a belief that people prefer things that make the most sense? if anybody has read this far and has insight into this, please tell me. i see this so often, and it baffles me every time. i don’t really want to agree, but i want to understand.

so, i don’t quite get this one. i get parts of it, but overall, i don’t get it.

4) i don’t have a number 4. i put a number 4 when i started writing this post but i think i covered what i was going to say here in points 1-3. alternatively i forgot my 4th point in which case RIP.

if you read this far, i apologize for the messy organization. i wrote this primarily to sort out my own thoughts. i’m not sure it helped, but it was something to do for an hour XD

#please don't reblog #(idk why anyone would but)#(i am happy to chat though! i am genuinely interested! my questions are not rhetorical)#further disclaimer: none of this is about my current main fandom which seems blessedly tolerant compared to many fandoms #i say things

10 notes · View notes

adarafaelbarba · 4 years

Text

Mine

pairing: Rafael Barba x OC (Nina Suarez. Might work with her a bit in later fics 🤷🏼‍♀️) fandom: Law & Order: SVU warning: smut, A LOT of Spanish! and a whole bunch of pent up pining! word count: 2 878

A/N: I’ve not written a proper smut in AGES! With that and the fact that there is a whole heap of Spanish in this, bear with me please! And please remember to reblog this and/or comment on this! it took me a while to write it! Smut under the cut!

“If we hit from these four angles, we’ve got him”, I explained. “Benson?” Looking at the lieutenant I frowned, she wasn’t paying attention. “We’re going to get him this time Benson”, I reassured. She nodded at this.

“Barba!” Liv called out, making me turn in a flash. “This better be important Liv, I was out for dinner with my mother”, he said in an annoyed tone. “It is. Let’s talk in my office”, she said before turning to me, “I’ll be ready for briefing in 5 minutes Suarez.”

Nodding I went back to looking over the game plan when there was a tap on my shoulder. “Are you not gonna say hello to me amado?” Lucia Barba asked, giving me a warm smile. “Mrs. Barba!” I smiled wide, hugging her. “que te he dicho, llámame Lucia!” She chuckled, making me blush. “Perdóname, Lucia, I forget sometimes”, I said, laughing nervously.

...

“Thank you, Barba”, Liv said when they exited the office. “I’ll get it as—Nina!” He stopped in his track as he took me in. “Rafael”, I said with a wide smile. “Dios mío! It’s—it’s been a while.” He sounded almost breathless before rushing over to hug me. Hugging him back I let out a content sigh. “Ten years Rafi.” I chuckles.

The others were looking at us in wonder as we pulled away from the hug. “Oh yeah, sorry. Raf—ADA Barba and I are old friends”, I explained, smiling. They all seemed to nod at this before going back to work.

“You have to join us for dinner one of these days Nina. Where are you staying?” Lucia said in a warm, but serious tone. “She’s here on business mami, she’s not go—“ Rafael started, “I would love to Lucia. And I’m staying at a hotel down the block”, I explained. “Disparates! Family stays together!” She exclaimed. “You’ll stay with Rafi, he lives close by too.” If there was one thing I knew, you didn’t argue with Lucia Barba. “You okay with that Rafi?” I asked, looking at him, my cheeks burning. “Of course. Here’s my spare key. Make yourself comfortable”, he said, pressing a soft kiss to my cheek. “I’ll see you later cariño.” Feeling my cheeks burn from the blush I nodded. “I’ll see you later Rafi! Bye Lucia!” I smiled giving them both a hug before they left.

“You okay Suarez?” Rollins asked, smirking at me. “Just fine Rollins. Can we get back on the case please?” She nodded at this and back to work we went.

...

It felt weird entering Rafi’s apartment without ringing the doorbell. He had texted me the address 5 minutes after he and his mother had left. And now I was here, unlocking the doors to his most intimate space.

“Cariño? Is that you?” His voice carried well in the spacious apartment as I stood in the hall. “Si”, I smiled, dropping the key on the table by the door.

Exiting the kitchen he took in my tired appearance. “I figured I should make you some dinner, to welcome you back to New York”, he said, giving me that soft smile which always made my legs weak.

Yeah, I had a big fat crush on my best friend. I never dared to tell him. He was so much older than me, having been friends with my brother up until when my brother died in Afghanistan.

“Rafi. You really don’t have to. You’re already giving me a warm welcome by letting me stay with you”, I exclaimed looking at him. “Don’t be ridiculous Nina.” He chuckled, handing me a glass of wine. “Thanks. And I’m not being ridiculous. I’m being realistic”, I said with a huff.

Don’t fall for him, don’t fall for him, don’t fall for him, I repeated to myself as a mantra before jumping up on his counter to watch him make the food.

“You are being ridiculous cariño. Mami is right, family stays together.” Hearing him say it made my heart drop. It seemed so much harsher when he said it, even in his soft tone.

Downing the wine I decided to just ignore the feeling. I could ponder about it when I went to sleep tonight.

As he continued to cook and serve wine for us both, we would talk about everything and anything. Even if I had kept in touch since we’d last seen each other there were things we hadn’t talked about that seemed better to do in person.

Like how I really had been since my brother’s passing. And later when your father died. Rafael hated himself for not being there for my family and I.

“Abuelita couldn’t understand why he would go that way. She didn’t see the pain mami and I saw in his eyes every day. It was eating him up from the inside. I’m just happy he went peacefully.” I had explained. “He’s in a better place now though cariño”, he said in a comforting voice, taking my hand in his. “Yeah, I know. I just hope we catch the guy this time, so dad wouldn’t have died in vain.” He nodded, “we’ll catch him.”

He also talked about his abuelita passing away, and I hated myself for not being there for Rafi and Lucia. He had felt so guilty for making her live in the home. «She never blamed you Raif. She knew you only meant well, and that it was the best for her», I said, jumping down from the bench to hug him. «I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you Rafi, but I’m here now. I got you.»

...

Taking my plate I went over to the sink after finishing the food. “Leave it, I’ll take it in the morning.” Rafael tried, but I wouldn’t budge. “No, Raf let me! It’s the least I could do after you made me this amazing meal”, I said, moving away from him to the sink.

...

The dishes weren’t the only thing we scuffled about that evening. I was set on taking the couch, as he didn’t have a guest bedroom, but he said I should take the bed. “Rafi! Let me take the couch, my back is still young.” He gasped at me when he heard that, “are you calling me old?” I chuckled, “I don't know old man, did I?” He couldn’t help but let out a loud laugh at that. “I’ll get you for that Suarez!” I smirked, “I bet you will Barba!”

...

The week continued as the first night. Mr. Camden seemed harder to catch than the team had thought, which meant longer shifts, which in turn made me more cranky.

“He’s a pro at this Fin! He knows what he’s doing cause lord knows he’s been at this game for a long time. Covering up his trail is what he does best, he’s not a sloppy joe”, I said, pacing the bullpen. “Then we just have to trick him, won’t we? Rollins fits his M.O. she could trick him”, Fin suggested. “You up for that Rollins?” I asked, looking at her. She nodded, “I’m ready.”

As we were suiting up, Rafi walked into the precinct with two cups of coffee and a big smile, which soon dropped when he saw us getting ready. «You’re heading out? I thought I’d bring you some coffee», he said, holding up the white and green Starbucks cup. «Yeah, Rollins is going undercover, hopefully, he’ll take the bait. Gracias Rafael. This will get me through the night for sure.» Smiling up at him I wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him. «Of course cariño. Be safe out there, entendido?» I nodded, pressing a kiss to his cheek. «Voy a. I’ll see you later.» smiling at each other one last time we pulled away before I was whisked away with Fin, Carisi, Rollins, and Liv.

…

«So you and Barba?» Carisi asked, looking over to me as we sat in the stakeout car. «What about us?» I asked, looking at the detective. «You like each other. Everyone can see it», he said, «You need to lay off the sweets Carisi.» I huffed, trying to pretend it didn’t affect me. «You might be a good detective Suarez, but you’re a terrible liar», Sonny said, chuckling. «So what if I like him? He doesn’t like me. He still sees me as Michael’s little sister.» I shrugged. «How about this? I’ll prove to you that he likes you. I’ll kiss you in front of him. He’ll be jealous», Sonny suggested, shrugging. «Or he’ll kill you for touching me. Just leave it Carisi», I said, groaning.

The stakeout took about 4 hours until Mr. Camden slipped up, and we could finally take him down.

…

Sonny didn’t speak any more about the idea. It wasn’t until after Mr. Camden confessed to at least a two dozen rapes and a couple of murders, something about him wanting to come clean cause he had been diagnosed with cancer, that it came up again.

We were exciting the interrogation room, Rafael talking to Liv. I could feel my heart skip a beat at how good Rafi looked in his three-piece suit, when Sonny pulled me in for a kiss, making me squeal in surprise. «Detective Carisi!» looking from Sonny to Rafael, he was not pleased. «You’re welcome doll», Sonny whispered before walking off.

«A word DI Suarez», Rafael said, his voice low. Nodding, I lead him to the changing rooms. No one would be in there now.

As soon as we were inside, Rafael locked the door, leaning on it. «Si señor Barba?» I said, keeping eye contact with him. «Don’t give me that tone detective», he growled, glaring at me. «If this is about Carisi kissing me. I had nothing to do with it. I’m innocent, querido, you know that», I said, looking at him. «He just wanted to get a reaction from you. He thinks you like me, but he’s lying, isn’t he?» I tended to do this, I just didn’t want to have my heart broken by anyone, so I set myself up to break my own heart before they could.

«Rafi?» I asked when he hadn’t answered me. «¿estás bien, Rafi?» I asked, still looking at him. In a few quick strides Rafael was in front of me, his hands cupping my face, «Mía!» he exclaimed before capturing my lips with his. The kiss was like nothing I had ever expected. It was rushed almost, all teeth and tongue, and moans, heavenly moans that slipped his lips. It was the kind that made all the heat in my body rush down to my core.

«mío!» I moaned when we pulled away for a breath. My arms found their place around his neck as Rafi pushed me up against a locker, his lips attached to my neck.

It was as if he knew everything about me. Where to touch me to send tingles down my spine, where to kiss me to draw out a moan. Point in case now as he was working on marking a particularly sensitive area on my neck, «Rafi», I moaned, one hand in his hair as the other hung onto the collar of his suit jacket. «Nina», he moaned in return. «Not here», I said, making him look at me. «You’re place, then you can have me any way you want me.» he moaned at that, pulling me with him.

We got quite a few looks as we went through the bullpen, but we were too far gone to care.

…

As soon as we entered Rafael’s apartment, clothes were thrown everywhere. He let out an audible groan as I stood there in only my underwear, and I gave myself a mental high five at the fact that I wore a matching set. «Mierda, bebé, you look amazing», he said, lust lacing his voice.

Taking in his looks, I let out a shaky breath, «As do you, amor», I said, biting my lip.

Pulling me to him he kissed me again. «Te quiero cariño. And I’m not just saying that to get you in bed. I truly, honestly, deeply love you», he confessed, cupping my cheeks. «Yo también te amo, Rafi.» I smiled through tears as I pulled him in for another searing kiss.

The kiss turned more heated and before I knew it he had picked me up and carried me to the bedroom. «Soy todo tuyo Rafi. Do with me as you please», I said, laying on his bed, looking up at him, his hand in mine. «Y yo soy tuyo mi amor, always», he said.

He laid down next to me before rolling over to kiss me. «If it’s too much, tell me to stop, and I’ll stop. Okay cariño?» I nodded, kissing him again, «Okay Rafi», I said.

Opening the drawer on his nightstand he let out a string of Spanish curse words. «Had I know this would be happening I would have bought condoms.» he groaned, hovering over me, his head nuzzled up in my neck. «I’m clean, and on the pill. You’re clean right Rafi? Please. I need you», I murmured in his ear, biting my lip as I felt him grow harder. «I’m clean. Are you sure about this cariño?» it was his insecurities that spoke now. «Please, just fuck me, papi», I said, drawing out a moan from him.

Stripping out of our remaining items of clothing, where I may or may not have let out an obscene moan at the sight of his impressive member, Rafael started leaving a trail of kisses down my body before settling in between my legs. «I’m going to take good care of you bebé», he murmured, a finger teasing my entrance as his lips attached to the bundle of nerves. «Fuck papi!» I moaned, clenching the sheets.

That man knew how to please a woman. His mouth seemingly as good in bed as it was in court. Bringing me to the brink of orgasm, before stopping, drawing out a defeated groan from me. «Why did you stop?» I asked, looking down, our eyes locking in each other’s gaze. «You were close cariño.» he started. «Yeah, because you were doing so good bebé», I said, my voice rasp from moaning. «I want to be inside you when you come undone», he said, looking at me, making me moan. That man could honestly just look at me and I’d cum just from that.

«By all means papi, no te ester deteniendo», I said, smirking before moaning as he kissed his way back up my body.

As he started kissing my lips again I reached down, grabbing his length in my hand before stroking him torturously slow. «Mierda cariño. Th—that feels—fuck—so good!» he moaned, his lips attaching to my neck as he created more marks.

«I need to feel you papi», I murmured, sucking on the sweet spot just below his ear.

Lining him up with my entrance I looked up at him as he pushed into me. The moans that followed could make a pornstar blush.

«Fuck cariño. Te sientes tan bien bebé!» he moaned, bottoming out before stopping so I could adjust to his size. «Oh my god Rafi, that feels so good! Please move papi!» I moaned back, and he complied, moving almost completely out before bottoming out again. He continued this ministration a few more times before he set a steady, but slow pace.

«I want this to last amor», he said, but I wasn’t as patient as he was. My primal needs taking over my mind as I trailed my hands down his back until they reached his perfectly shaped ass, grabbing it to press him into me. «Paciencia mi amour», he said, chuckling before moaning as I bit down on his shoulder. «Faster papi. Please make me cum», I murmured, biting down on his collarbone.

That last bite seemed to really spur him on as he picked up his pace. «Fuck Rafi, just like that bebé!» I moaned, grabbing the headboard. «Dios mío, te sientes tan bien papi!» I moaned.

My climax was approaching full speed as he kept his fast pace. «I’m so close Raf—fuck bebé!» letting out a pleasured squeal biting down hard on his neck, so hard in fact that I drew some blood, but we were too far gone to care. «Me too cariño. Cum with me», he moaned out loud.

The movements became erratic as his thumb found it’s way down to press on my clit, pushing me over the edge. «Fuck papi!!» I screamed, my walls clamping down on his member as he came too.

We laid there in absolute bliss for a couple of minutes before he pulled out of me, making me wine at the loss of fullness. «Let’s get cleaned up, then we can go to sleep», he said, helping me up. «I don’t think I can walk properly after that!» I laughed breathlessly. «Come on cariño, I’ll help you.» he chuckled, guiding me to the bathroom so we could shower.

After the shower I felt more relaxed, but still leant on Rafael for guidance. «Take me to bed Rafi.» I purred, «As you wish amor.»

That night I had the best sleep in ages.

~ FIN ~

#rafael barba smut #rafael barba imagine #rafael barba x oc #law and order svu imagine

92 notes · View notes

roleplay-salt · 4 years

Text

About; Rules; FAQ

Welcome to Roleplay Salt! This is a blog for roleplayers to vent & rant anonymously about the things that peeve or hurt them in the roleplaying community.

GENERAL

Your submission will always be posted anonymously; no exceptions. (This includes positivity submissions & shoutouts.)

Your submission’s text will be placed in a graphic and then copied as plain text as its caption for accessibility purposes.

Topics must be roleplay-related. (This can, of course, include experiences with partners doing things that may be unrelated to roleplay, but would still be considered relevant if it impacts your roleplaying experience with that particular partner.)

Anyone following our blog will be allowed to leave replies on submissions, whether in agreement or disagreement, and everyone is allowed (even encouraged) to reblog submissions, with or without their own commentary. However, we will delete any spamming comments, including ones that are or are similar to “Why don’t you come off anon and say that?” Such comments provide nothing to the discussion. In fact, they usually shut down discussion and it completely disregards the entire point of this blog’s existence. No one has to “come off anon” nor are they “cowards” for seeking safety behind anonymity. Your aggressiveness with that sentiment only reinforces the reason why they want to be anonymous in the first place. ADDENDUM: We will delete salt replies that involve simply telling others to, essentially, “shut up and move on already” and “stop sending salt replies in about this”. You’re more than allowed to say this things in the comments, but we will no longer be making them a part of any future debates.

We actively edit and restructure the wording of submissions. We read every single one of your submissions and we care about consistency and readability. We will correct any spelling errors, grammar errors, and odd sentencing structure, and we will often lengthen abbreviations and slang, and we will fill out any curse words or sensitive terms that were originally 'censored' in the submissions. Do not take it personally! Again, we aim for consistency. We will never just copy/paste your submission and then post it. That's terrible.

T Y P E S O F S A L T

Vents & Rants

Complaints

Negative Confessions

Callouts

T Y P E S O F S U G A R

Advice & Suggestions

Critique

Positive Confessions

Shoutouts

T Y P E S O F F L O U R

The “Flour” category is reserved for any submissions that do not appropriately fit under “Salt” or “Sugar”, often involving personal confessions and storytelling.

C A L L O U T S & S H O U T O U T S

A callout submission is specifically speaking nastily and meanly about someone else, regardless if it’s the truth or not. All URLs & names in a callout submission will be marked out to preserve the other party’s anonymity as well. We are a safe place for you to release your anger, frustration and hurt, even if it’s towards someone and not something. But we cannot and will not participate in the true nature of a callout. That will need to be something that you do for yourself if you believe that it’s important for you, your friends and your fandom community.

A shoutout submission is specifically speaking kindly and positively about someone else.

All URLs & names in a shoutout submission will remain visible, and the person will be tagged & mentioned on the post so as to better the odds of them seeing it.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

“Who are the moderators?”

Currently, there is only one operating the blog: Moderator Bull.

“Am I allowed to know your roleplay/personal blogs?”

Unfortunately, no. To preserve our own anonymity (for many of the same reasons as the submitters), we have agreed on the terms to never give out our URLs if requested. If we are interested in your blog, then we will follow you at our own discretion!

“Will you remove a submission for me?”

That depends on the type of submission, what it is about, and what your reasoning for wanting it removed is. The whole point of anonymity is that nothing gets tied back to you. The only cases where we will greatly consider removing a submission is if it’s involving a shoutout about you and you don’t want to be affiliated with us.

“Will you remove my comments on a submission?”

Of course! However, we will not remove any corresponding responses to you (except in instances where, if yours is removed, the next comment is made to look like it’s being directed to the person prior to your comment. We don’t want to cause unnecessary conflict.) We will also not be relied upon to keep deleting comments you regret leaving behind. If you’re wanting to leave a public response on submissions, then you must be prepared to have others possibly publicly disagree with you.

“Can I ask you for roleplay advice?”

Go right ahead! But we can’t promise the best or most insightful of answers, or that we’ll get to them relatively soon! Chances are, we will post your questions anonymously so that others in the community can help.

“Why did you follow my blog?”

To make our existence known to you and, if you like us, hoping that you will send in a submission of your own or tell your roleplay partners about us!

“How did you find my blog?”

Most likely through the Recommended sidebar feature, a mutual, or just the good ol’ search function.

“Could you unfollow me?”

If you don’t want to be associated with us, then we recommend blocking the blog so that we don’t unintentionally follow you again!

“Hey, could you do something about the people leaving rude, mean responses on the submissions?”

Unless they are throwing bigoted slurs, threats, or suicide-baiting remarks at the anonymous submitter, they are not doing anything wrong. They have just as much right to disagree with your submission as you had when you sent it to us. We are, first and foremost, a place to vent frustrations or hurts behind the safety of anonymity, and we are also a free-speech blog. We are of the belief that discussions, no matter how heated, is healthy and brings the community together as a whole. Just as your submission may provide someone else with the awareness that they are not alone in similar frustrations, someone disagreeing with your submission may provide a new perspective to you and others that had not been considered before.

“How does name-calling and swearing and being mean add to a discussion? You and your blog are what are wrong with the roleplaying community!”

Just because someone isn’t being nice to you as they give their side of the argument, doesn’t mean that it cancels out their actual argument. You’re choosing to be offended and distracted by how abrasive they are, and that’s no one’s problem to deal with but your own. You have the ability to block anyone so that you no longer have to see their comments on future submissions. Why would we police what people say, the endgame of which would be to ban them from ever reblogging or commenting on submissions again if they don’t listen to us, if you’re not even willing to try solving the problem first by just blocking them? Wanting to have the last word or being upset that your submission didn’t receive the feedback you wanted is not a reason for us to step in and step on someone else’s right to speak, rudely or otherwise. If you’re not going to block them, then why should we?

“Could you not post submissions on sensitive topics like noncon, incest, and pedophilia?”

We have started tagging posts that we believe might be sensitive and controversial in nature with the tag “#twcontroversy”. We recommend blacklisting this tag. If that is still not enough, then we recommend unfollowing/blocking us. These are topics just as relevant in the roleplaying community as anything else.

“Could you promote me?”

Certainly! But only if you are another community-involved blog (a blog that provides a ‘service’ to the community, such as advice, roleplay help, a place for confessions, etc.), and it must be relevant to the roleplaying community to some degree! If you want to promote a roleplay blog, then we suggest sending in a shoutout submission!

“I sent a confession in weeks ago. Where is it? How long will it take for it to get posted?”

It’s either sitting in the queue or sitting in our drafts, waiting to be queued. We have 1,200+ followers so far, and on average we’re sent 15+ submissions a night. We only post between 5 to 8 submissions at night. Your submission is on a wait list. That’s all we can tell you.

“Why don’t you just close your submission box until all the current confessions are posted?”

Because we’re a vent blog first and foremost. If we close our ask/submission boxes, then we’re no longer an option for people who might desperately need to vent or talk about something that could have happened to them that day but have no other options. We want to be a healthy alternative to just bottling it up or possibly lashing out at the wrong people.

“I don’t believe you! I think you deleted my submission because one of you didn’t like it! You’re not unbiased at all!”

We’ve posted submissions about highly controversial roleplay topics like noncon, racism, transphobia, and pedophilia. We reassure you that your salt submission about OCs, theme trends, blog selectivity, etc. is not on that same level, least of all to the point that one of us would delete it. The only submissions that we have deleted, so far, are the ones that have included racial and homophobic slurs.

“[insert OP/commenter] is obviously a rapist/pedophilie!”

If we find that you have accused someone of being a rapist, pedophile, or apologist of either because of their defensive views on noncon/pedophilic ships or roleplay, your comment will be removed and you will be blocked. These are serious accusations that you shouldn’t be throwing at people over fictional content and we refuse to to let you use this blog as a platform to spew such slanderous accusations.

#about #rules #faq

7 notes · View notes