#not me posting memes about this fic that has existed for like 8 years because i only just recently joined the fandom and discovered it
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this you protect memes by me
psst if you haven't read this you protect here is the link! the author is @vmohlere. go read it. anyway here are some memes i made becuz it is my favorite marvel fic <3
#not me posting memes about this fic that has existed for like 8 years because i only just recently joined the fandom and discovered it#aNYWAY#mcu#marvel#mcu memes#mcu fanfic#fanfic#ao3#fanfiction#captain america#bucky barnes#winter soldier#captain america: the winter soldier#captain america fanfiction#fanfic memes#memes#stucky#stevebucky#this you protect#typ#owlet#infinite coffee and protection detail#icapd#mine
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20 Questions for Fic Writers
I was tagged by @anneapocalypse, thank you Anne! <3
And I would like to tag @replicafatale. @formlessvoidbeast, @bittylildragon, and @meikuree if you are so inclined!
Blank questions for your convenience! My answers are below the cut.
1. how many works do you have on ao3?
2. what’s your total ao3 word count?
3. what fandoms do you write for?
4. what are your top five fics by kudos?
5. do you respond to comments?
6. what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
8. do you get hate on fics?
9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?
10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?
11. have you ever had a fic stolen?
12. have you ever had a fic translated?
13. have you ever co-written a fic before?
14. what’s your all-time favorite ship?
15. what’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
16. what are your writing strengths?
17. what are your writing weaknesses?
18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
19. first fandom you wrote for?
20. favorite fic you’ve ever written?
1. how many works do you have on ao3? 178, over almost 10 years! Though I suspect if I actually went back to tally them, the vast majority would be skewed towards my early years, back when I’d crank out a fic or two every week for the kink meme then post with minimal editing. Ah, youth.
2. what’s your total ao3 word count? 910,453! Again, I strongly suspect they’re skewed towards the beginning.
3. what fandoms do you write for? I started out pretty intensely monofandom for Fallout, but I write a lot of Dragon Age these days. Which is ironic because I don’t consider myself ‘that’ big a Dragon Age fan, but the fandom exchanges are fun and I’m familiar enough with the setting and characters that I don’t mind picking up pinch hits or writing impulsive ‘what if’ fics.
In general, I almost exclusively write for video game fandoms. (with a few books thrown in…)
4. what are your top five fics by kudos?
The Vashoth and The Qunari (Dragon Age, The Iron Bull/F!Qunari Inquisitor, rated E)
Belief (Fallout 4, Cait/F!Sole Survivor, rated G)
A Dream of Red (Dragon Age, Leliana/Morrigan, rated E)
And They Say Size Doesn’t Matter (Fallout 3, Fawkes/F!Lone Wanderer, rated E)
Data Collection (Fallout 4, Cait/F!Sole Survivor, rated E)
Basically: they’re all older fics, mostly smut, and mostly written while the fandoms were still new (or new-ish) and popular. The Vashoth and the Qunari was written before Inquisition even came out, and was written mostly from frenetic fandom speculation. I wouldn’t call it my best fic, just one that happened to strike while the hype machine was still active.
And They Say Size Doesn’t Matter has the questionable distinction of being the longest mutie smut fic on AO3, mostly because each chapter was written for various kink meme fills and then put somewhat in order. It makes me cringe a bit to reread it (I could do it so much better now! I could write with so much more nuance! I would have made less questionable decisions about characterization and description, or at least different questionable decisions!) but I still look back fondly on it.
5. do you respond to comments? Absolutely, though I’m rather late to respond sometimes! The only ones I don’t respond to (and usually just delete) are comments that make demands without any other attempt at interaction. (Ex: “next time write X/Y with New Kink” or “tag your trans characters” when there’s a perfectly nice author’s note at the beginning if you feel shocked or scandalized by the existence of trans characters in a fic that doesn’t focus on being trans and where the trans characters are minor or background!)
…anyways, mild aside: I consider tagging to be both warning (“please don’t read if X, Y, or Z bothers you, or at least prepare yourself”) and advertisement (“please do read if Tropes A, B, or C are appealing to you!”) rather than simple description. If I went out of my way to describe everything that might be relevant in a fic, including every single minor character who gets a single line of mention, then my tags bloat beyond what I consider useable. I try to include notes at the beginning to clarify or mention content that I don’t think needs to be warned/advertised for. Which is part of why I find it weird and borderline hostile to have specific identity tags demanded without explanation.
(And that said, I tag myself biracial bisexual….nah.)
6. what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I don’t write a lot of angst, but I do have a story that ends ‘unhappily for now’!
Schroedinger’s Pussy (The Locked Tomb, Gideon/Harrow, rated E) is a fic about yes, pussy spanking, but also denial of feelings and ends with an unresolved sex thing that Harrow refuses to talk about, and Gideon in an empty room. In my head they’ll work through it (eventually) but obviously, not in this fic!
The weirdest dark fic I’ve written was an older kink meme fill, and it’s something that I promised from the beginning would only end in pain.
Pain (Fallout: New Vegas, Vulpes Inculta/Rose of Sharon Cassidy/Boone Craig, rated E) is morally dubious not-actually-a-love-triangle fic with under negotiated BDSM and an ambiguous ending that most likely ended with Vulpes’ off-screen death at Cass and Boone’s hands. It’s a fic I still think about sometimes, not because I think it was the best, but because I feel like it shows when I was more willing to be weird and experimental around fraught topics and messy dynamics. I don’t write that sort of thing now simply because I don’t enjoy it, but I’m still glad I had the experience of experimenting.
7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I love happy endings, but don’t often enjoy fluff! By which I mean: I want a happy ending to feel earned. I prefer desserts that have a little salt or bitterness to cut through the sweet and add balance. I want a fic to feel the same way.
That said: I think most of my fics have happy endings, if not always fluffy one.
That also said, I think never gonna say I’m sorry (Borderlands 3, Amara/Tyreen Calypso, rated E) fits the bill because it’s both a fix-it fic and villainous decay arc and I love that for Tyreen, the emotional journey and character growth she goes on from wanting to destroy the world to being willing to destroy herself in order to save it, and ultimately being pulled back to be told no, sometimes you gotta live even when it feels so much harder.
Fun fact: this fic has two endings, one in which Tyreen murders her brother (because just because she’s trying to be a good guy doesn’t mean she’s actually a good guy yet!) and one in which she tries the harder and messier path of not murdering him. I originally wrote the murder chapter because I didn’t think Tyreen would be at the point of being willing to forgive her own brother for attempting to kill her, but @bittylildragon made a note that essentially Troy was being punished for twink crimes, so I decided what the hey, I’ll try an alternate ending. And now I think that’s actually my favorite!
8. do you get hate on fics? Not on AO3. Some on Tumblr before I closed my inbox to anons. A couple on the old kink meme, back when it was self-destructing from the weirdly polarizing “Gay Wasteland” vs “the icky hets” arguments.
Funnily enough, I don't think I ever received a homophobic comment from a straight person! (Straight hate?). But I sure got comments accusing me of being ‘secretly het’ or a ‘proghet’ or ‘trying to trick lesbians into reading Big Dude/Smol Lady’ fic! Because fandom forbid being a bi woman who prefers to read and write fic that centers women! Even if that means that sometimes this means reading, writing, or recommending F/M fic instead of M/M!
Anyways. My AO3 bookmarks and works list are free for anyone to peruse, in case you want a statistical breakdown of my preferences for F/F >>> F/M > M/M so you can yell at me about not prioritizing M/M. /sarcasm
(And as always: I do read, write, and enjoy fics that feature nonbinary characters. I always feel weird including that as an aside, because there’s so little nonbinary rep in general that it feels weird trying to analyze anything from that, and ‘nonbinary’ is a big enough umbrella that even as someone who sometimes prefers they/them, I don’t necessary resonate with or feel represented by all nonbinary characters in fiction. Which is fine! When there’s so few examples, it feels even more fraught because no single character or person can Be All The Rep, and it feels like a weird sort of pressure to presume that they are, can be, or should be. Sometimes a character should just be allowed to exist, be interesting, and be nonbinary, without going ‘oh they’re such a good role model!’)
9. do you write smut? if so, what kind? I cut my teeth on a kink meme, of course I write smut! As for what kind…whatever catches my interest, really? Which means mostly F/F, if there are dudes involved at all they’re usually Real Big Dudes. There’s usually loving attention to oral sex. Often size kink. I also like including bondage and anal sex.
I’ve been writing a lot less smut in recent years. (I’ve also been writing a lot less in general, or at least posting a lot less, for various reasons. Mostly because now that I’m no longer working graveyard shifts and am out of a time-consuming bad relationship, I have more time for non-fandom hobbies!) Partly it’s because…well, repetition. When I first started writing for kink memes, my purpose was just to write; pick a prompt, bang something out, post. It was the exhilaration of writing, of starting something new.
Now: if I’m going to write, I want to do it in a way that feels new or fresh to me, whether that means in terms of prose, emotional depth, or characterization. There’s also, admittedly, some self-consciousness: I’m no longer ‘just’ writing for prompts on a kink meme, I have the (gasp) terrible responsibility of admitting that I wrote a thing just because I like it, or think it’s interesting! It’s the tension between realizing that nah, I haven’t written anything that truly makes me blush in ages, and then the mortification of going “but who else is gonna be interested in this weird goofy playful fic where Piper sits on a birthday cake???”
10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written? I’m not usually a fan of crossovers; I prefer looking at a character in their ‘home’ story and setting and how their environment shaped them. Some crossovers can be interesting if they add a new depth or layer to the existing canon (which I think is one of the reasons that Pacific Rim AUs were so popular for a while; drift-compatibility is an interesting way to explore characterization and relationships!) but I don’t often write them myself.
That said, ‘often’ doesn’t mean ‘never.’ I’ve written some AUs (unfinished Cassandra/Leliana werewolf fic, the moody cannibal mermaid AU with Aveline/Isabela) but full on crossovers are a different entity.
The closest to a crossover that I currently have is the still untitled Fallout Necromancy AU, in which I merge some of The Locked Tomb’s approach to necromancy with Fallout 4 for some incredibly unhealthy cav/necro codependencies for necromancer Hancock and cavalier Danse. It’s more true to Fallout’s canon than TLT, and still unfinished. Alas.
11. have you ever had a fic stolen? I’ve had some of my fics scraped and posted to shady publishing sites (“only $5 for all the stories you want!”) and submitted takedown requests. No in-fandom stealing that I’m aware of.
12. have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! Here is a Russian translation of what we don’t talk about (Mass Effect, Zaeed Massani/Karin Chakwas), which I was absolutely tickled pink to receive!
13. have you ever co-written a fic before? Technically, yes. The fic has been subsequently deleted and I have abolished all ties to that person, so that might be a warning. /tongue in cheek
More seriously: I don’t think I can. I’m idiosyncratic and particular about my process, and I just don’t think I’m very good at co-writing with someone. I can take an idea and feedback and process that into my fic, sometimes very heavily, and I can work off someone else’s outline or prompt, but to the level of co-writing, assuming we’re taking equal claim and responsibility for the work? It feels profanely intimate in a way that makes me deeply uncomfortable, which unfortunately probably says more about me than anyone else!
That said: I have been fortunate enough to have truly excellent friends who have also played cheerleader and beta for me, sometimes offering me substantial notes that meant I had to fundamentally rewrite portions of a story. Does this make them co-writers? I don’t think so, but it’s definitely a more intense collaboration than I usually request, and it’s something I reserve for only a few people.
14. what’s your all-time favorite ship? How dare you ask this of a multi-shipper!!!!
I don’t know that I have a real answer for this. In my head, I try to split it by fandoms (but wait! Would I consider Dragon Age Origins, Awakening, DA2, and Inquisition to all have different fandoms?), but some fandoms are only occasional urges and others are more consuming passions, so….
I’ll leave it at this: if I’ve written it, I probably ship it on some level. And not all ships are “oh I think they’re gonna live happily ever after,” some ships are “hm, that could be interesting” or “oh, they could be so bad for each other in such compelling ways,” and others are “they’re good for each other at this point in time, but maybe not beyond that,” etc etc.
15. what’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? If I want to finish it, I assume I eventually will. ‘Eventually’ may take a while. Life is short, love is long, and I do love stories.
16. what are your writing strengths? *hour-long fart noise* Strengths? Idk. I always feel strange talking about my strengths to begin with, and this year has been particularly rough for that because I’ve been taking more deliberate time doing writing exercises and reading different books about writing. It makes me more critical of my own work.
But if I must: sensory immersion. Character interiority. Basically, I try my best to love a character—or at least find something I can love about them, something that evokes care and pity if not admiration—and let that shape how I write them, even if they don’t love themselves. If that makes my authorial bias a bit kinder, then so be it. I feel like the world needs a little more kindness.
17. what are your writing weaknesses? *hour-long fart noise* What about my love of obscure words? If I had a nickel for every time I tried to sneak ‘palimpsest’ into my prose and been called out by a beta, I’d have two nickels! Which isn’t that often, but weird that it happened twice! (Other amazing words I often fight over including or not: phosphenes, mordant, triptych, chiaroscuro, bellicose, gelid. I get a daily word of the day from Merriam-Webster and I don’t know if it’s actually improved my vocabulary or only made me more insufferable!)
I fully admit that sometimes I get overly compelled to write something ‘pretty’ and linguistically clever than fully in the character’s voice. I jump around with sentence fragments and don’t link my scenes; sometimes it works (choppy, disjointed prose for characters who themselves are extremely angry or disconnected from their environment in some way) and more often it doesn’t.
I have mild synesthesia and an idiosyncratic interpretation of certain stimuli, and often need to revise to ensure it makes sense to anyone else. Or if I can tweak it just enough to sound refreshing and vivid. (Example: low musical notes feel ‘blue’ to me, and often bitter. Higher notes can be sharp-sweet or acidic, but usually don’t have a color association. Yellow is rancid. This only becomes a problem when I’m sleep-deprived or highly-caffeinated, as when I once had to stop my playlist because the rapid taste/sound/smell combos were making me nauseous.)
I often want to write characters as softer, kinder, or gentler than they are in canon. Does that sand out their complexity? Yes. Is it because I want them to have a kinder, softer, or gentler future than what their story gave them? Also yes.
18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? OH BOY DO I HAVE THOUGHTS.
Okay, so! First of all, I need to foreground this: as a Chinese-American living in the US, I find it extremely off putting when I read a story and the mere choice of capitalization and italics make it clear who the author thinks their intended audience is, and who is ‘other.’ If an author bothers capitalizing or italicizing “Pad Thai,” “Sushi,” or “Shu Mai,” (as in: “I ordered some Shu Mai.”) but not, say “Pizza,” “Burrito,” or “Croissant,” there are some pretty big assumptions going on already that make me feel alienated from the text. (As always, there’s some room to play with: if the author is intentionally writing their POV character as having those particular biases, that’s one thing. When it’s a completely unexamined bias, that’s another.)
Translated text doesn’t need to be italicized or marked as other, unless again, there’s a specific reason that the POV character might see it as ‘other.’ Most people won’t interpret their home language or heart languages as ‘other.’ A dialogue tag like ‘said in Cantonese’ or ‘said in Spanish’ is sufficient, I’ll trust in the reader to pick it up!
I am a first-generation Chinese-American who can’t read the Chinese syllabary. (And what little I speak is Cantonese, not Mandarin. The loss or use of heritage languages across the diaspora is an entire topic by itself, so please understand that this is one person’s view and experience.) Some Chinese writers prefer to write with hanzi; I prefer to write Romanized versions but what goes in a fic will depend on the POV character’s relationship to the language and how intelligible (or not) it’s meant to be to the reader. I generally include context or a note if it’s meant to be clear; if it’s something that the POV character won’t understand, I often prefer to leave it as “speaks in another language” or “said something in another language.”
In general, I find most fictional languages to be intellectual masturbation (there, I said it! :P) and am less interested in those than in how real-world languages are depicted in fiction, especially when read by people who may or may not be familiar with those actual languages and the people who speak them.
19. first fandom you wrote for? While the first fandom I ever posted for was Fallout…very technically I suppose the first fandom I ever wrote for was Pokemon. Because back when I was 9 or 10, I was very invested in Misty and Jesse because they were the only two girls who got a lot of screen time in the anime, and I just really wanted them to be friends!
In hindsight…I don’t think I was consciously thinking of it as shipping terms or romantic interest, but I thought it sucked that the only two girls who really showed up couldn’t at least be friends. So I wrote a lil’ story in which they got trapped in a cave…and obviously they had to camp together…and save each other as they looked for a way out…
Scandalous!!!!
20. favorite fic you’ve ever written? I try to love every fic at least a little before I share it with the world! But this one’s my newest baby:
(love is) the suture and the wound (Dragon Age, Leliana/Morrigan, rated E)
Thank you for reading this far! Now please drink some water and get up and stretch. :P
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Fic. Supernatural. Trapped in a Meme. Destiel.
Character(s)/Relationship(s) Castiel, Dean; Destiel
Genre Crack/Meme/Slash
Rating PG (if you don’t count language, which is why this is Not Rated on AO3)
Word Count 685
Disclaimer As this is fanfiction, I do not hold copyright to the source material(s) nor do I claim that I do. This is for free entertainment purposes only.
Summary Dean and Castiel are trapped in a meme. The consequences for breaking it are dire.
Notes I’ve been working on a series of four fics for an IwtV AMC season 2 hype event. As I was thinking about how to edit the week three fic to make it a stronger fic, this SPN fic came to me out of nowhere, so here you go. The headlines are taken from actual Destiel news memes that I reblogged to my Tumblr in the order I reblogged them to my Tumblr. I’m sure someone’s already done this fic out there somewhere but I didn’t see it on AO3 so I figured why not write it myself. I think the inspiration for this fic likely came from this Tumblr post by biverly-switzler rolling around my subconscious for a few days.
Also as a note, I’ve only seen seasons 1 – 8, the Scooby Doo episode, and portions of season 15 of Supernatural.
AO3 link
or read below
Trapped in a Meme
Castiel looked at Dean with the softest saddest expression. Dean’s heart tightened and he dreaded Castiel’s next words. In a seeming blink of the eye, they were no longer in the bunker, but somewhere undefined. It was dark, but there was just enough light to illuminate their faces. This place was not hot or cold. It was not dry or humid. It simply existed and they existed within it.
“I love you,” Castiel said. His voice was gentle. His eyes glistened with sorrow and satisfaction.
Dean’s mind went completely blank. He opened his mouth but he did not know what to say. His chest tightened and then he found words bubbling forth from somewhere that was not his own heart or mind, “Lin Manuel Miranda has been cast as Hermes.”
A long silence passed. Castiel blinked. Dean wrinkled his nose and said, “What the fuck?”
“Did Hermes switch vessels?” Castiel asked.
“How would I know?” Dean would have rubbed his face but he did not seem to have hands.
After a short span of silence, Castiel said, “I love you.” Again, his eyes shone with both sorrow and truth.
Dean’s heart tightened. His mind spun. Then words sprang from his mouth like before, “The Writers Guild of America votes to authorize a strike with a record-setting 97% approval.”
Neither of them spoke for a long moment and then they each tried to speak simultaneously.
“Dean –”
“Cas –”
They paused and when neither spoke, Dean sighed. “Why do you keep saying that?”
“Because it’s how I feel,” Castiel said.
Dean stared at him and licked his lips. Before he could say anything, Castiel spoke again, “I love you.”
All thought left Dean’s mind. His lips moved on their own. “Tucker Carlson has been fired from Fox News.”
Castiel’s eyebrows drew together. “Can foxes get fired from being foxes?”
“He’s a not a fox.” Dean paused. “Do foxes have a news network?”
“Of course they do. All animals do,” Castiel said. “I used to communicate with the bee network years ago.”
Dean considered this a long moment. Then he made a face. “How many times have we done this?”
“I love you,” Castiel said.
“The Winchesters was cancelled after only one season,” Dean said. He blinked and immediately hissed, “What the fuck? Fuck this.”
“I can’t take my clothes off,” Castiel said. “I don’t seem to have any hands.”
“I didn’t literally mean…” Dean’s voice trailed.
“I love you,” Castiel said yet again.
“Donald Trump has been federally indicted by the DOJ and charged with treason,” Dean said. He paused and then added, “Kyle Griffin tweeted, ‘NBC News has now confirmed: Donald Trump has been indicted.’
“This is fucking ridiculous. I’m citing sources now,” Dean groaned. “Also isn’t Paris Hilton president? Or was that a porno?”
“Dean, it’s okay if you don’t ‘return’ my ‘feelings,’” Castiel said, providing air quotes accordingly.
Dean held his gaze and then shook his head. “You know what? This is like an episode of Sailor Moon or something. So, we’ll try that.”
“Try wha –?” Castiel’s expression immediately changed, softening his eyes and returning the smile to his face. “I love you.”
Dean’s heart tightened. He took a deep breath and said with great purpose, “I know.”
Silence stretched between them. Dean said nothing more.
“We’re still glowing faces,” Castiel said. “Did it work?”
“Maybe if we tried another language,” Dean said. “Try Spanish.”
“I didn’t know you spoke Spanish,” Castiel said.
“I’ll manage,” Dean said.
Before Castiel could comment, his face softened once again. This time he said, “Te amo.”
This time the words did not bubble up from somewhere else. After a pause for translation, Dean said, “Yo a ti, Cas.” Dean did not think about why it was easier to say in a language that he learned from his life experiences. There was no time. Reality returned and the Empty appeared. Dean reached for Castiel.
Castiel pushed Dean aside and allowed the Empty to swallow him whole as he said, “Goodbye, Dean.”
Dean shouted after him but it was no use. Castiel disappeared leaving Dean alone.
The End
I realized that my last SPN fic is from June 25, 2013, so happy ten years since I last wrote an SPN fic lol
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ao3 stats tag meme
give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the fewest words.
my friend mav @thebrandywine tagged me to do a fic stats ask game!! so here is da thing.......a LOT of these are since-anonymized fics from my MCU days and i don't have any real connection to most of them anymore but i ALSO don't have six non-MCU fics to pull from. some of the one-shots hold up pretty well still i just...wouldn't publish them today, i don't think. anyways! onward and upward. enjoy~
most hits: you've arrived at last, my friend, MCU, 8 chapters and 61.5k words
It’d be easy enough for him to move silently, slip out through the window, down the fire escape and away from Steve and his little Brooklyn apartment. He doesn’t have to stay, wouldn’t have to come back. Doesn’t have to but can. He thinks he wants to.
second most kudos: carrying the weight together, MCU, 3.2k oneshot
So maybe Bucky’s a little clingy, maybe the separation anxiety is worse today than it is usually. That’s fine, they can handle clingy. No big deal.
third most comments: repaint the walls and roll me up with the carpet, my only currently posted resident evil fic, 3k words
He worries about Leon: his rare seconds of downtime on missions are so often spent wondering how Leon is doing back home, if he’s been eating and sleeping and taking care of himself. He worries about him at work, where from his office he can see Leon quietly chipping away at the latest task doled onto his desk. He worries about him when he wakes up, never sure what type of day it’s going to be for him. He worries when he goes to sleep with Leon in his arms, warm and solid and calm, and when he goes to sleep alone, Leon with only Buddy for company in his sad small one-bedroom house on base.
fourth most bookmarks: i take my cue from you, MCU, 2.6k words
His head hurts. He knows that he’s hungry and exhausted and skittish, but the only thing he’s able to feel is the pounding in his skull and the way the light feels like it’s burning through his fucking corneas.
Steve’s been nagging him all day, which Bucky can’t blame him for. He knows he’s being frustrating and uncooperative and harsh and a dick and Jesus, how he wishes he could just stop, but nothing in life is that easy because why would it be. It’s not like anything else is.
fifth most words: kotenok, MCU, 3.2k
There is a cat. This in and of itself is not exceptional because one thing that hasn’t changed over seventy-odd years is the existence of alley cats. He does not know how to take care of a cat but he knows he can not leave it here to bleed and yowl and be upset. He has decided to take care of her and in her own way, she takes care of him.
fewest words: tineretului, MCU, 1.2k
He falls asleep praying that a safehouse in Romania isn't the closest he ever gets.
i'm actually kind of shocked that none of these are repeats and that it coincidentally completely avoids the other three fics i have posted lol. i'm not going to tag anyone because everyone i can think of i've already seen @'ed, but thank you for the game mav!!
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1, 12, 29, 30 for the AO3 ask meme !
💌!
How many words have you written this year?
A little over 50k! (Based on ao3 stats, it might be a little more since there is everything still in my Google docs) most of which is the royal au haha (30kish as of now?)
12. How many wips do you have in your docs?
6? maybe? not including updates on fics already up. If I include the updates to Royal Au and In Vitro, I would say 8. 1 Phoenixship story, 1 short story, 2 that are apart of a collection... But I want to focus on updating at LEASt 2-4 new chapters of my long fics before I upload anything brand new. So the final number is 4... lol
29. Favorite passage you wrote?
I have two! but I will only post one because it has quite a bit of gore and violence, so I will share my more SFW one.
I haven't actually posted it, but I figure it counts since I wrote it this year. It is when Atem will meet Kisara for the first time, where they connect through Atem's past as a dragon rider.
I can't quite put my finger on why I am proud of it... I suppose it's simplicity grounds me in the scene, and it makes Atem feel like Atem. One thing that (everyone who writes an AU tbh) I especially want to do with Royal Au is nail Atem, despite him being mystified by the very source material, and the AU be an entirely different world. I just feel like this short bit has the sort of energy I want for Atem and Dragon!Kisara in this world.
He never saw Kaiba’s dragon nearer than a league, always a glinting, distant star. Occupied with her own business outside of Seto and the war, he assumed that they could only meet through formal introduction. But here she stood, in the middle of the wood, as regal as he expected.
Her nacreous armor gleamed, shifting from white to blue in the light.
≪Exalted One≫ Atem spoke, falling to one knee. There were many stories about her. The coveted white dragon, Kisara. They were of the pickier variety, only choosing a rider every few centuries or so. One of the white dragons notable traits was communication not with the tongue, but with the mind.
A moment passed through the chill. Atem kept his eyes downcast, his head low, in reverence of two lives. The one standing before him, and the one left behind.
≪You need not kneel before me, dragon rider≫
≪ It’s been years since I’ve been called that≫
A partner lost, a partner gained. Such was the business of a warrior prince. Now, as king-at Kaiba's side-- Atem hoped it would be different.
≪Time never erodes that bond, Young King. He is still with you. That is how you can hear me≫
30. Biggest surprise when writing this year?
I think there were two. One (it sounds a bit strange), I have a newfound love for writing horror and creepy things in general. I realized how much I enjoy thinking of unsettling events to happen in my fics and I like working on the prose for it. I'm almost more excited to write the horror I plan for In Vitro than I am for royal au... which leads me to my second surprise.
How much I enjoy writing In Vitro, Ad Astra (Kaiba makes Atem a body fic)
Unlike royal au, I didn't start it with any ambitions.. and it was barely self indulgent. It was really one of those stories that I just... had brainworms for, and I honestly forgot it existed because I was consumed with Royal Au.
But the longer the fic was up, I started to get feedback that (pleasantly) surprised me. Stats wise, it's my "best" Yu-gi-oh fanfiction.
That surprised me because it's rather short (only 7k between 4 chapters) , and I feel that its quality is inferior to what I feel I can write at the moment.
The more I thought about it, I realized the fun I could have with it, and soon enough, I was getting brain worms about it again, and I felt a passion towards the story that I didn't feel before. What was once a one-off story that didn't mean anything to me is now a passion project that I sort of adore conceptualizing, and I will make sure I rise to the occasion and make the story what it was meant to be.
Thanks for the ask!
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2022 Fic in Review
Rules: filter to 2022 on your AO3 stat page and answer some questions/link some fics for everyone to enjoy! (Some of these questions were taken from a wrapup meme on Twitter and some from one seen on Dreamwidth. Twenty-five in all.)
1. Your yearly word count:
23,196 words. This is a lot to post. I actually wrote much more into works in progress, however.
2. Fave fic you wrote this year:
"over the water, over the sea (with you)" [https://archiveofourown.org/works/40664607]
I keep returning to this, because it encapsulates a depth of feeling I find hard to express in anything other than fanfic. I love writing these characters and getting inside their heads; I keep saying that and it keeps being true.
3. Fave fic you read this year:
"As You Like It" by RiverFragrance; it's so perfectly tropey. [https://archiveofourown.org/works/42446331]
4. Fave ship you wrote for:
Obvs, Yukawa/Utsumi. This was the only ship I wrote this year.
5. Fave character POV to write:
Yukawa Manabu's. This was on purpose, since I have a work in progress that's from his perspective, but has so far proven difficult to write. I've had to stay in the headspace for it. The easiest way to accomplish that was write most stories from his perspective.
6. Fave line you wrote:
"Past and present merge like colliding wavelengths, the pattern of interference now visible for what it is." (open the door, don't let it sting) [https://archiveofourown.org/works/41077578]
The way holograms are made is amazing and fascinating. Yukawa applying his knowledge of physics to his emotional state to achieve realization, gathering all the clues at last.
7. WIP you finally finished:
"the frequency you're giving off" [https://archiveofourown.org/works/41335740, explicit]
I was assembling research items for this as far back as four years ago, when I came across a gif of a couple on the beach in front of a fire. At that point in time, I wasn't sure what it was meant for; I kept thinking about it and building understanding with research, until I arrived at this story.
8. WIP you've yet to finish:
"your chain tied to me tight"
A story about boundaries, communication, and ties that bind, set a few months after the conclusion of the first season of Galileo, for my personal project of a Kink Bingo card.
9. Your most read fic this year:
"open the door, don't let it sting" [https://archiveofourown.org/works/41077578]
This, at the time of writing, has 72 hits, beating out "the frequency you're giving off".
10. Your longest fic this year:
Posted, it's "open the door, don't let it sting" at 7,993 words. Unposted, it's "'til they sparked" currently at 18,268 words. It's slow burn; actual literal slow burn for the first dang time in my life. I only hope I can stick the landing.
11. Your shortest fic this year:
"all you see is red" at 298 words. A tiny scene of Utsumi and Yukawa on a date in a museum. [https://archiveofourown.org/works/40300701]
12. Fave fic title you used:
"the frequency you're giving off" borrowed from a song by Alessi's Ark. I just love the way it wraps up all the themes in the story and I was also hoping I'd be the first to use this lyric as a title and I think I was? Though it doesn't matter if I wasn't.
13. Biggest surprise while writing this year:
Being able to stick to writing a story or scene for every one of the Sunshine Challenge's prompts for this year. Also, because of that, I was able to write a continuation to "Ready to Hope" which I truly thought would not happen.
14. Fave comment you received this year:
Probably cosmictuesdays's response to a snippet of a story I'm writing. I've thought about it at numerous times throughout the year and it pleases me each time.
15. Fave fic author to read this year:
RiverFragrance. Although I'm only just dipping my toe into all the Chinese fanfic that exists, RiverFragrance has such a good understanding of Yukawa and Utsumi and consistently delivers good plot.
16. Total fics/chapters uploaded this year:
Eight. This is very good for me and also seems to be what I can expect most years.
17. What are you looking forward to next year?
Finishing -- hopefully -- "your chain tied to me tight" in time for my birthday. After that? Just more works in progress over the summer; hopefully also writing the remaining four works of my 30Kisses project.
18. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?
"drop through your likenesses" [https://archiveofourown.org/works/40300710]
This was written for Sunshine Challenge and 30Kisses, and I'm proud of it because it took a prompt I thought was going to be difficult, but by means of intense brain-storming I was able to write something I had only half-formed ideas for and make it exactly what I wanted. Additionally, it also is one of the best examples of my writing style. I've worked hard to clean my prose, while making it poetic, and this does that.
19. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?
All the kudos on "wholly to be a fool" are rather a surprise. [https://archiveofourown.org/works/41987514]
20. What work was the quickest to write?
"all you see is red" Written in about two hours, into the box at Dreamwidth.
21. What work took you the longest to write?
"the frequency you're giving off" Started at the end of 2020 or beginning of 2021. I don't know because my first backed-up draft had many words in it, already and I can't recall when I started. *shrug*
22. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?
Four documents started, ten in total planned.
23. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?
Everything unfinished, of course. "'til they sparked" is proving to be the one that got out of hand, and it's just the third in a series of... possibly five stories. I don't even know at this point because my ideas for what I want to include are well-formed but impossible to place at the moment.
24. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?
Maybe, possibly, mulling it over: Loid/Yor.
I also have an idea for a Kishitani & Kuribayashi fic that I like thinking about but would take a lot of planning.
25. What do you listen to while writing?
Mostly synthwave, lo-fi, chillwave, and barberbeats. Barberbeats is the best find I made this year to unlock my writing brain.
Sometimes I listen to the songs that inspire the titles; like for "open the door, don't let it sting" I listened to "Rule #1 - Magic" by Fish in a Birdcage and "Read My Mind" by The Killers on repeat for a few writing sessions.
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Ask memey thing, 001 Pokemon, 002 Cojeel, 003 Sokka
Send me a fandom, ship, or character ask meme!
001 | Pokemon
Favorite character Pokemon: Absol and Bulbasaur :)
Least Favorite character Pokemon: idk... Pignite?
5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Kukui x Burnet, Archie x Maxie, Chloe x Dawn, Ash x Goh, Steven x Wallace (+ Bonus: Leon x Raihan)
Character(s) I find most attractive: ORAS!Archie is 👀 but Talia do be kinda cute
Character I would marry: idk
Character I would be best friends with: Leon or Brock seem fun? idk
a random thought: i'd like Nanu's job of sitting around with cats all day and getting paid for it
An unpopular opinion: I liked Tracey and want him back
My Canon OTP: Red x Blue. They were ON THEIR HONEYMOON IN ALOLA IN THIS ESSAY I WILL-
My Non-canon OTP: i think maybe,,,,, Adman and Warden!Ingo should kis... just a lil,,,,, uwu
Most Badass Character: Cynthia. She may not be my favorite champion but I respect her.
Most Epic Villain: it's ya boi GUZMA
Pairing I am not a fan of: Anything with Piers? He's ace? sorry i don't make the news i just report it
Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): Lance. No, I won't explain.
Favourite Friendship: Pikachu and every other electric rodent
Character I most identify with: I can't say I identify with any specific character
Character I wish I could be: When I was little I liked to pretend I was a Vaporeon when I went swimming :) . I, as an adult who has seen unspeakable things in greentext format, know better now.
002 | Cojeel (Cobra x Gajeel)
When I started shipping them: Been on this ship since 2012 babey!!!
My thoughts: punk bfs w/ a lot of chemistry, they've both been through plenty of traumas in their own lives and sorta understand where the other is coming from...... (also this ship is how i met you @zephiraz my loving partner of 8 years *heart eyes emoji*)
What makes me happy about them: they're not pretty boys except for when they want to be (SO much eyeliner and hair products, their bathroom is a MESS), their relationship feels natural for them, they very lovingly insult each other yet they also don't let the other get away with shit, but also sometimes they're just content being lazy gay snakes dragons together
What makes me sad about them: they deserve happiness but shit keeps happening, who would have predicted that past misdeeds would have future consequences :(
Things done in fanfic that annoys me: I guess if Cobra's dialogue is hard to distinguish from Gajeel's? His vocab does get more relaxed post-timeskip, but not that much,,,,
Things I look for in fanfic: .... new fanfic. There's 15 works on AO3 and 4 of them are from ME. FFnet is practically just me.... oTL
My wishlist: More fic or art in general? Maybe some more canon teamups? <:3c
Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Laxus x Gajeel x Cobra polyship... it's technically not just them ;)c
My happily ever after for them: They have a very private wedding or just straight up elope
003 | Sokka (Avatar)
How I feel about this character: this boy has adhd 100%
Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: I like most ships with him, but I don't really have a favorite?
My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: I like his relationship with Katara. Especially when they pick on each other, because I will always be tired of the "siblings always get along perfectly" trope in fiction
My unpopular opinion about this character: He's obviously bi, but is a little nervous about the whole liking boys part bc of his upbringing. That being said, it's something he definitely gets over later in life.
One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish caffeinated beverages existed at that time period, because he definitely seems like the kind of person who should not consumer caffeine because then he sees all the time all the time
Favorite friendship for this character: Him and Aang are always fantastic idiots when it's no braincell day and it's great
My crossover ship: Sokkoya. (Sokka x Naoya Itsuki) It happened because of the rp that originally inspired Hiraethean Prophecy, and is one of the "canon" ships in the panfandom crossover fic version. :3x
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AO3 Tag Meme
took me a minute to get around to this, but i’m doing it! thank you @trashkingtater and @hopelessly-me for the tag!
1) How many works do you have on AO3?
126, currently! there are more unposted. they’re coming.
2) What is your AO3 word total?
921,148. that sure is a lot of words! let’s see if i can hit 1,000,000 by the end of the year. someone check back in on december 31st.
3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?
on the shatteredhourglass account i’ve written for marvel variants, genshin impact, until dawn. on other, no longer existent accounts, i’ve written for various (emo) bandoms, hetalia, other anime, homestuck, supernatural, and a million other fandoms besides.
4) What are your top five fics by kudos?
Disclaimer: i hate this question because it’s never my best fics, it’s always the oldest ones.
Left Foot Forward (2018, M Rating, Winterhawk.) - soulmate angst where bucky’s soulmark was on his left arm and clint is generally quite tetchy about the whole situation.
Misinterpretations (2018, E Rating, Winterhawk.) - a/b/o fic with omega clint who doesn’t quite work the way he’s supposed to. generally smutty.
crack the whip, shape-shift and trick (2018, T Rating, Winterhawk.) - trans!clint. we love to see it. very soft and a little hurt/comfort.
Showdown (2018, T Rating, Winterhawk.) - stony romances annoy the winterhawks so much that they decide to also be obnoxious, because that is a normal response to PDA.
a little fun (not the number one) (2019, E Rating, Ameriwinterhawk.) - pre-war stucky, post-avengers steveclint, then post-breakup(?) winterhawk, then ameriwinterhawk. steve is bad at relationships.
5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
i always respond to comments! i don’t know, i like people knowing i appreciate their support.
6) What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?
ooh. hmm. these fics are both part of a series so it’s not a concrete ‘ending’ of the series, but the endings of the fics are both pretty dramatic and sad:
goddamn shame of the goddamn pride (2019, T Rating, Winterhawk - Part 4 of 6) - musician au where everyone focuses on the female half of one of the biggest bands in the modern world and clint has one fan, bucky, who has a few more secrets than necessary.
Hit Me (With Your Best Shot) (2021, M Rating, Winterhawk - Part 3 of ?) - dc and marvel collide as we meet a poison ivy and harlequin that aren’t quite right.
7) Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you have ever written?
while i don’t write straight-up crossovers, i was 100% convinced that The Harlequin & Poison Ivy(?) series would not work. a series where clint is harlequin? bucky as poison ivy? but it’s rad and i’m proud of it.
8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?
i don’t often get outright hate on a fic and if someone is being passive-aggressive i just ignore it. bear in mind that if i did get hate, i’d just delete it. my field of fucks is barren.
9) Do you ever write smut? If so, what kind?
ugly snort.
10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?
stolen???? people do that??? can’t say i have. or if i have, i don’t know about it and i like that for me.
11) Have you ever co-written a fic before?
nope! wouldn’t even know how it works. i’d be up for trying it one day, though.
12) What's your all time favorite ship?
oh, i don’t know, it’s so hard to pick...
(special mention to moonhawks, though. my babey.)
13) What was the first fandom you wrote for?
uhhhh. warrior cats, probably. :,)
14) What's your favorite fic you've written?
i don’t know that I have an all-time favourite, but i am immensely proud of Off The Mortal Coil, (2021, E Rating, Winterhawk, 15/25 Chapters Published) aka ‘fucket barnes and the very bad, no good, zombie-infested day.’ it’s so long and i was convinced i’d never see the end of it but here we are, and i get to watch people enjoy the story unfolding. my greatest joy.
i’m not gonna tag anyone but if you’ve read this whole thing without getting bored, you have to do it now. you are tagged. go forth. onwards. tag me once you’re done.
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Fic Recs/Mandatory Reading for Reddie fans
Here is an incomplete list of some of my favorite Reddie fics on ao3, because i cannot get over the sheer talent of this fandom’s wonderful writers! A lot of these are the Greatest Hits that you’ll find on almost every fic list, but that’s why I consider them mandatory reading. like if you haven’t read some of these, what are you doing?
the years go by like days by georgiestauffenberg, rated M
the 27 years in between, but better because richie and eddie stay together. every time i think of this fic, i think of that lady gaga meme where she’s like “brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, etc” and maybe it’s bc this is one of the first reddie fics i ever read, but this one is always gonna be my favorite
broken record by spunknbite, rated E
the mother of all time loop fics. every reddie veteran gets chills at the phrase “the house on Neibolt was still standing”
literally everything by stitchy
like seriously just clear a few days bc you’re not gonna want to stop reading this author once you start. no other author has made me literally fucking cackle in one paragraph and sob in the next like this one, pls do yourself a favor and devour all their works like i did
the night we met (take me back) by camerasparring, rated E
ch2 fix-it where eddie shows up at richie’s door alive and with no memory. great slow burn with a wonderfully conflicted richie, 10/10
let’s hear it for my baby! series by cloudings, rated E
OOOOOOOHHH boy! a modern teen!reddie grindr AU that’s both steamy AND sweet?? more like a fucking blessing amen hallelujah
a heart that laughter has made sweet by marjaani, rated E
another lovely teen!reddie fic that’s got it all! sweet, stupid boys, humor, a teeny bit of angst, and some 5-alarm fire smut with some top eddie, as a treat
keep talking. i’ll keep walking toward the sound of your voice. by theappleppielifestyle, rated T
angst with a happy ending is my favorite, and this one is just fantastic. so sweet, so sad! and stan is featured as eddie’s afterlife buddy and idk about y’all but i cannot get enough of stanley uris in my reddie fics. read this, then read all this author’s reddie fics, they’re all amazing
collateral by loosecannon, sheepknitssweater, rated E
a post-ch2 fic that i guess could be classified as fix-it, BUT with some very interesting twists. they beat the clown, everyone lives, but no one really gets the tropey happy ending. the WIP sequel is also incredible and i live for the updates.
the greater fool series by mischiefmanager, mostly rated T with some E
this is a series i’ll reread a lot bc it’s so fucking good. follows young reddie into early adulthood, mostly a bunch of cute shit where they figure out themselves and their relationship. also contains the single best teen reddie fic in existence, he came in through the window, but reading the whole series is a must
brokeback derry and everything else by Amuly, rated E
27 years in between, richie and eddie reconnect in their 20s and meet back up in derry twice a year to remember and love each other before going back to their lives and forgetting. so much pain. there’s a lot of sweet stuff in there, but you can see shit’s gonna get complicated from miles away and the anticipation almost gave me stomach ulcers (in a good way). ultimate angst with a happy ending.
let me name the stars for you by playedwright, rated M
speaking of angst with a happy ending...Martian AU!!!!! this one fucked me up in the best way, i literally called my roommate at 2am to vent to her about my emotions after reading it. i go back and reread chapter 8 just to be overwhelmed by it, and it makes me cry every time. plus, there are awesome sequels/companion pieces in the series! read this, i beg you!
walk through fire for you by hyruling, rated T
unwind after all that angst with some cute, drunk, confused eddie being very upset when he finds out richie is engaged. richie only teases him a little before pointing out the matching ring on eddie’s finger.
in the heat of the summer (you're so different from the rest) by kaboomslang, rated E
post-ch2 slow burn with tags that really say it all, including but not limited to: eddie moves to california and richie is a mess, Eddie Kaspbrak’s Hot Girl Summer, and cute middle aged man dates
pivotal moments by danfanciesphil, polypocket, rated E
high school reddie has a sort of fwb thing goin on, but emotions get in the way. featuring wonderful bevchie friendship, hella miscommunication, cute double dates, high eddie, and a happy ending
like a bullet in the back by jerry_duty, rated M
adult idiots in love! a personal favorite trope of mine! slow burn with a fair helping of angst but a really great ending. richie stays with eddie in new york while he’s there on business, and it takes these losers SO LONG to figure it out but the way they dance around it is very cute
no sense of living without aim [WIP] by liesmyth, rated E
richie and eddie meet on grindr in the 27 years between and hey, whadda ya know, they fall in love! i really love this fic but i’m pretty sure it’s been abandoned. i’ve had it open on my phone browser for like 3 months with no update but i still check it regularly bc i’m pathetic and this fic is just so good i’m DYING to know what happens next so read at ur own risk
a strange sense of familiarity [WIP] by Katranga, rated E
another “they meet and fall in love without remembering” fic, and even though it’s not complete yet, it gets regular updates. oh, also, i’m obsessed with it. they’re long distance fuck buddies who can’t admit they’re in love, and then they get hit with the childhood memories! and everyone lives! what’s not to love! also PLEASE read kisses take like mint and every other reddie work by this author, they are all fantastic
adult friends by sudowoodo, rated T
AU where adult reddie meet at a first aid seminar for work (immediately fall in love), become friends, become best friends, and finally get to be happy. has some super repressed eddie and intensely pining richie, which is always fun, and genuinely made me laugh out loud. also please check out this author’s other reddie fics, there’s some super sweet kid reddie in there that really warms the heart
the mind's a funny fruit by joldiego, rated T
eddie wakes up barely alive in derry, has 0 memory, calls himself richie, and moves in with some lesbians. an absolute must read that ought to be on every reddie fic rec compilation. i read this a long time ago and just thinking about it makes me want to read it again.
now what i'm gonna say may sound indelicate [WIP] by IfItHollers, rated E
it took me entirely too long to find this fic since i joined the fandom, and it’s truly a fucking masterpiece. it’s almost at 200k now and still unfinished, and the slow burn is excruciating, but this is a legendary fic for a reason. eddie spends the first chunk of this fic in the hospital recovering from the massive chest wound, and then he and richie move the recovery to ben’s cabin in the woods. the author’s notes for each chapter are a story in themselves
signs of a new lifetime by swordfishtrombones, rated T
one of the sweetest, most romantic reddie fics i’ve ever read. a fresh take on a classic concept: post-ch2, they’re in love, they haven’t said/done anything about it yet, BUT!!! it’s not angsty! they are all cute and giggly like “you say it first!” “no, you say it first!” and it makes me fucking MELT
broadcasting tower by swordfishtrombones, rated E
back-to-back recs from the same author! bc i love these fics so much! sort of similar to the last one in that they both know what’s up and just haven’t said it, but this one’s got the angst! i didn’t know when i read it that it was the same author as the other fic, and i thought how funny, i found another reddie author that perfectly captures this pair in such a wonderfully romantic way! i also just noticed there’s a follow up to this so now i have to go read that immediately
eurydice; the original comeback kid by Vulcanodon, rated M
for the love of god please read this and the other work in this series. it’s a ch-2 fix-it with some intense action sequences and major pining, and it has haunted me since i first read it
love on the telephone by tempestbreak, rated E
okay this one is really just 30k of pure smut but it’s also so sweet and features a mini sexual awakening for eddie and some insecure richie with an emphasis on how much they love and trust each other. also it doesn’t hurt that the smut is fire, like does anyone else want that twink obliterated, or is it just me?
the boy who loves you by candlejill, rated E
eddie lives, richie confesses, things are chill and then they’re not. richie’s career flourishes, which is always nice to read and is what ultimately catalyzes eddie’s gay awakening and realization of his love for richie. it’s got some sad angsty parts and a very sweet ending, and it up there as one of my favorite reddie fics of all time
richie and eddie break up [WIP] by skeilig, rated M
a refreshing and realistic take on life ch-2 for the losers, because being in love at thirteen doesn’t mean you can fall into a perfect relationship at 40. i’ll admit, i’m hoping this will ultimately be a “richie and eddie get back together” fic, but it’s still a very good read (and often very funny in the second chapter) at the moment in the midst of their break up
september 1989 and everything else by pineapplecrushface, rated T
cute kid reddie figuring it out and making me smile. the follow up to this and the after derry series by this author are also personal favorites
go west by ssstrychnine, rated T
road trip fic! an absolute work of art slow burn with teen reddie in the 90s. it’s so beautifully written i just wish i could go back and read it for the first time again
the edification of eddie kaspbrak by tozier, rated M
character study with some incredible fucking prose, my lord it gorgeous. explores how eddie learns about love as he grows up, and it’s super fucking sad sometimes bc the poor boy doesn’t know how to have the things he wants and i just want to give him a hug, but it’s really a spectacular fic
circular motion by sinchronicity, rated M
soulmate!AU that follows book canon and even though it’s been a long time since i’ve read it and the details are fuzzy, i remember absolutely loving it and thinking it was incredible
tell me you know by RichiesToesHurt, rated E
college losers with some severely pining and jealous richie with a lovely ending
predicament bondage [WIP] by dgalerab, rated E
i resisted reading this fic for so long, recently broke and binged all of it, and now i’m like frothing at the mouth for updates. richie’s a closeted actor/comedian who meets eddie, a professional Dom, when he needs help researching a role. they become friends, they develop crushes, richie realizes he’s a sub, and it’s just so much fun to read
there’s a lot more fics to rec so i might add on to this in the future, but in the meantime my biggest tip for for reading fanfiction that took me embarrassingly long to figure out: focus on the authors! if you read something you like, check out the rest of the work by that author bc odds are you’ll like that too. i mentioned it in a few specific works above, but check out the authors catalogues for these fics. if i included every work by these authors that i loved, this list would be miles long
feel free to add on any great stuff i missed, there’s sure to be tons of it!
#reddie#reddie fanfiction#fic rec#IT movie#it stephen king#losers club#these are mostly just my ao3 bookmarks#there's more in my ao3 if you want to check me out: lilypond3
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I saw another post on @postalninja doing this meme, thought i would join in on the fun!
1) How many works do you have on AO3?
10 and counting! 9 for octopath traveler (not counting the one disowned fic) and 1 for the Grishaverse
2) What's your total AO3 word count?
37 702
3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?
As anyone who ever spared even a glance at my tumblr account knows, I love Octopath. Its my comfort game and is definetly one of my favourite games of all time. On the other hand, the grishaverse fic was a contest fic. I love that book a lot as well but it never came close to my damned love for that game
4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
About women’s problems, lack of sleep and bluntness: Oh, that lil thing. It was my first fanfic I had written in years! It doesnt have the best writing but it does have a special place in ma heart
A Diary’s Importance: My ongoing longfic. Its as of date not completed, but its going somewhere eh! Luckily finally got a beta, so progress is there folks. But alas, currently on vacay so writing is out of the question.
Why phones and the 8 travelers should not be combined: A silly textfic I wrote to get myself out of writersblock. Believe me, I thirst for textfics I NEED MORE.
Sharp, stabby things: Well, if it wasnt obvious enough, im halfblind. Meaning I am actually unable to see shit from my right eye. So sense of depth does not exist. So when I discovered Therion would likely have the same struggles with his right eye I decided that damnit I was going to write something about it because the struggles of being halfblind are real folks.
About the practicallity of not being a caster: A little fic I always wanted to do of what a conversation between Cyrus, who got so many magic spells its practicallity his only thing, and Olberic, who got no magic at all, about magic would look like.
5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?
Fuck yeah I do! I love comment so so much. They give me motivation to write and shut the inner Bruno up (if ya get the meaning)
6) What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?
Hmmm, hard one here. Most of the angst in my fic is very much in the middle with the end being happier as I sadly do have a soul. But, my vote goes to a friends betrayal. The fic was basically about Olberics thoughtprocess after the fall of hornburg and what lead him to his situation in beginning of the game. As you can guess, it is very angsty.
7) What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?
Many! But, the vote goes to my beloved sharp stabby things. But that can just be my seretonin brain.
8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you've written?
Not yet… (but i have an idea)
9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?
Some passive agressive comments, but not really hate.
10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?
Nope. Huns, I am ace as fuck i cant even read it.
11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I know.
12) Have you ever had a fic translated?
as a polyglot I could do a fine I will do it myself moment, but i havent.
13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Not as off today, but I am open to the idea of it.
14) What's your all time favourite ship?
Oh boy thats such a tough question. On one hand, gimli x legolas from LOTR will always have a special place in my heart as it was the ship that actually got me into fandom culture. But… if you spared a glance at my ao3 account you know my love for Cyrus and Olberic. I mean my two comfort characters in a relationship? Thats the stuff man thats the good stuff.
15) What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?
STUPID A LEGAL DISPUTE. I LOVE THE IDEA OF IT BUT THE WORDS MAN THE WORDS.
16) What are your writing strengths?
I think it would be describing emotions and thoughtprocesses.
17) What are your writing weaknesses?
Grammar, no doubt. I mean its not that 9 year old bad but my use of commas is through the damned roof.
18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
Ahum, as someone who has multiple conlanguages and is a polyglot I adore them. Just wait yall asses till i get a solid idea of what acient hornburgian sounds like and its over for yall. IT WILL BE IN DIARYS IMPORTANCE OR I DONT DESERVE MY SCRIVINER.
19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?
Suprisingly, it was Percy Jackson. A Solangelo fic to be precise. Oh i cringe at it every time I see it.
20) What's your favourite fic you've written?
Brand’s Thunder, no doubts about it. It was the transition to my longer fics and I impressed myself with my own writing which was new.
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thank you so much for the tag @carmccannt 🖤💕
1. why did you choose your url?
actually, i don’t really know anymore haha. what i know is that it wasn’t my first url for this blog (the first one was probably tøp related; shame on me) and i do still know what it’s referenced. when i chose this url i was in a pretty heavy bring me the horizon phase (i still am, who am i kidding?) and their song doomed was on repeat for me at that time. the syko comes from oli sykes twitter name, which is @/olobersyko… long explanation i know
2. any sideblogs?
no, not really. i have one url saved but i don’t actually use it, but i’ve thought about maybe making a sideblog
3. how long have you been on tumblr?
tbh? i have no clue. i’ve had this blog for probably two, maybe two and a half years at this point? (the first post i made on here was in february 2019 i’m pretty sure) but i’ve had a blog before this which i deleted at some point (huge fucking regret) so i would say i’ve been on tumblr probably since late 2017/early 2018?? really no clue sorry
4. do you have a queue tag?
probably? i don’t actually use it tho because i always forget lol 😅
5. why did you start this blog in the first place?
to post and read about anything regarding tøp lol, which over the last years turned into me talking about basically anything i’m obsessed with at the moment and posting some of my writing here and there
6. why did you choose your icon?
because i’m very fucking bisexual and very in love with robert keating and anaïs gallagher… i remember when she posted this picture in colour (because it only existed in b&w before) because inhaler twitter lost their goddamn minds lol
7. why did you choose your header?
i quite like a matching layout (i blame twitter) and i didn’t want anything too busy as my header so i opted for the dark burgundy red with my url on it
8. what’s your post with the most notes?
probably just one where i thirsted over sweaty van mccann…
9. how many mutuals do you have?
honestly? idk. i have the tendency to not follow people back for the simple reason that i honestly and truly just forget to do it, oops… so i can’t name and count them all but they probably know who they are and they are very loved by me and all deserve a huge kiss xx
10. how many followers do you have?
253… which first of all: thank you so fucking much, second: why the fuck do you guys follow me 😅 like that’s so many people huh
11. how many people do you follow?
62 ranging from catb related blogs over marvel fic writers to mcr update blogs lol
12. have you ever made a shitpost?
all the time omg. a lot of my tumblr posts are just my last two brain cells fighting to survive while creating dumb memes and making stupid one liners
13. how often do you use tumblr a day?
idk probably between 5 to 10 times a day? it just really depends. there are days i’m rarely on here (for just like a minute before i close the app again and don’t look at it for the rest of the day) and sometimes i can spend hours browsing tumblr… still not as bad as twitter because i just checked and i spend almost 18 hours on there on average this week 💀💀
14. did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?
no and i hope it stays that way. i’ve only had good interactions on this hell site so far lol
15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?
depend on what it’s about in the end of the day. if it’s something that’s very important to me i’ll probably reblog it
16. do you like tag games?
i love LOVE tag games!! especially if it has anything to do with favourite artist or music in general! tag me as much as you want i’ll probably do them even if i did them before (if i don’t forget to do it haha)
17. do you like ask games?
YES SO MUCH!! i rarely get tagged in them but pls keep em coming!!
18. which one of your mutuals is tumblr famous?
i’ve i had to pick one person it would probably be @pacifymebby because i don’t know if she realizes how well known she is outside of tumblr/wattpad but believe me she’s basically carrying catb wattpad/catb fanfic tumblr on her back!! (i’ve had conversations on fucking twitter about this before actually) she has also super kind and has on many occasions complicated my music taste which makes her automatically fucking cool hehe… besides that, i feel like especially on catb tumblr the core people are pretty well known around :)
19. do you have a crush on a mutual?
no, not really because i don’t know you all enough and the ones i do know are people i consider very good/close friends!!
this took long but it was very fun (that kinda rhymes lol). i’m tagging: @itwontalwaysbelikethiss @fenderenderender and @pacifymebby (don’t be pressured tho, if you don’t wanna do it that’s totally fine xx)
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2020 ~everything~ wrap
i finally have time to do all of the tag games that people have tagged me in over the past month or so! i cannot for the life of me remember who tagged me in which one, so i’m just putting ~everything~ in one huge post. if i tag you anywhere then consider it a standing invitation to do whichever of these you haven’t done :) in fact, this is me issuing a standing invite to any of my followers who wants to do it :) also, thank you all!
Creator Wrap: Favourite Works
Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!
this collection of philosophy quotes paired with thai bl series, (and its sequel) which is possibly my favourite thing i’ve ever made. for, uh, nerd reasons.
these gifted text post memes i made still make me laugh sometimes
this fic about green from 2gether, which i wrote in the notes app on my phone and published the same day. not my absolute best writing but i am very fond of it <3
i have a bunch fof friend zone dangerous area edits/shitposts which i like, but i’m particularly fond of my fzda as satire headlines (which now has a sequel!)
i also love my crisgood-walmart-lesbian post. i might send it in to gmmtv to try and convince them to do a crisgood-bffs spin-off
+ bonus: since i wrote this list i made this gifset (my first ever!) of jennie panhan in the shipper and i love her too much not to include her on here
+ extra nerdy bonus: this niche meme about Chinese philosophy, which still makes me crack up whenever I think about it
Favourite Creators/Follow Forever
i’ve completely lost track of who’s following who from which blog, so this is just going to be a haphazard, non-exhaustive list of people who i adore/admire/am vaguely intimidated by, mutuality be damned. maybe we talk all the time! maybe we’ve never interacted! maybe i am constantly there in ur tags... lurking... 👀... but if you’re on this list you have made me smile at least once this year and i love you for that alone <3
@wjmild kylie!! you make gifs of arm & tay & lee (separately or in various combinations) & the shipper & and kapook & random fluke pusit cameos & school rangers so i don’t have to <3 ilysm
@janeramida vianey, you have such impeccable taste in general, but your sizzy gifset in particular is so gorgeous it lives in my mind rent free
@applelapis bri, this post was a callout and i want you to know that it haunts me at night as i lie awake staring at the ceiling :((((( i hope you are happy
@gigiesarocha cata, i love it when you show up on my dash bc you have!! such taste!! also, every time you gif gigie i gain five years of life <3 pls continue doing the Good Work
@pvrrish eleni, i remeber legit thinking that this was an official poster when i first saw it, it’s so beautiful
@ahysopae juliette your khaithird fic is so good and it literally changed the way i think about khai (not an easy feat)
@kurosawadachi angel, whenever i think about grace’s speech i remember your gifset and get literal chills
@doctorbahnjit alexa, you have no right to be as funny as you are. your friend zone edits give me life
@khaotungthanawat sam, you’re probably sick of getting tagged in these lists by random strangers, but i just had to bc your gifsets are Pure Art
@tanwirapong roa, all your gifsets are so ✨iconic✨
faiza @asianmelodrama and rahul @petekaos! yours were the first two thai drama blogs i followed and for ages i lowkey thought of you as my fandom parents.
and some more blogs that make me happy: @curlykytta / @lee-thanat / @fck-inspector-m / @pangwave / @tichawongtipkanon / @tawanv @kimmonv (violet istg i have spent more time this year trying to figure out how many blogs you have than i have spent admiring your gifsets. & i spend a lot of time admiring your gifsets) / @taytawan / @1akorn and @yihwas (and your radiant lovechild @lakornladies ofc) / @teh-ohaew / @vihokratanas (mel your gifsets are just so gorgeous) / @tootiredtoosadtooangry / @headcompletelyempty / @demiromanticmickey / and there are definitely more but my brain is a sieve so apologies if i’ve forgotten anyone!! i love you all!!
2020 HIGHLIGHTS ✨
rules: list your top 10 shows (bl or not) you watched in 2020 (doesn’t necessarily have to be shows that came out in 2020 though!)
1. 2GETHER & STILL2GETHER
my first thai drama, and even after all the amazing shows i’ve watched this year, it still has a special place in my heart. watching 2gether was the first time i’d ever seen a queer romcom that just... was. for me, by the simple fact of its being, 2gether was revolutionary. and then still2gether came along and took all the best things about the first season and gave us something beautiful and quiet and lovely and just proved to me, once and for all, that queer happiness doesn’t need to justify its own existence. there can be gay cuddles on the beach for no other reason than that we want them.
2. UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN
i don’t really have the words for this one but. it makes my heart so very soft.
3. FRIEND ZONE 2: DANGEROUS AREA
season one was mindless fun because everyone was an absolute trashfire and it was hella cathartic to watch, but season 2... wow. i love it for so many reasons: it has messy and authentic queer rep; the characterisation is excellent and i somehow care about all of the characters; amazing women taking centre stage(!); a wlw relationship with lesbian, ace and bipolar rep; multiple interesting plotlines; actual character development; arm weerayut as a chaos gremlin... absolutely one of my favourites of 2020.
4. CHERRY MAGIC
i don’t think i need to explain this one, which is fortunate, because i have no idea how exactly i’d describe the happy-warm-fuzzy-queer-seen-loving-affirmed-profound feeling that rises in my chest whenever i think about it.
5. THE GIFTED: GRADUATION
confession: i liked season 2 more than season 1 (with the exception of the ending, which we don’t talk about). season 1 was enjoyable and interesting, but for me it was season 2 which made me love this series. it did some incredibly interesting and complicated things (even if it didn’t quite nail the landing): it pushed characters to the breaking point and wove so many layers into the story and questioned its own underlying themes. plus, watching it alongside everyone in the fandom made it 200% better. i love all of you and i love this show. egg girl 5eva.
6. THE SHIPPER
i 100% understand why so many people didn’t like this show, or found it problematic, but through some fluke it absolutely worked for me (even the ending). one day i will write an essay explaining my rationale, but for now i’ll just say that it’s one of my favourite shows about adolescence and queerness and identity and compassion and friendship and love that i’ve ever watched.
7. YYY
this series is absolutely off its rocker, and it somehow managed to be one of the most affirming shows i’ve watched. it shouldn’t have worked by it did, and i love it so much.
8. 3 WILL BE FREE
absolutely iconic. amazing plot, stunning visuals, great characters, canon polyamory, jennie being incredible... what a series.
9. MANNER OF DEATH
i love the fact that this show exists; i love the mix of crime and romance; i love maxtul’s acting; i love the central relationship; i love bun. i know we’re not even halfway through yet, but this show is doing something special and i’m so grateful that i get to watch it unfold in real time.
10. CHIHAYAFURU (SEASON 3)
odd one out on my list, but I had to include it. chihayafuru is my all-time favourite anime and it finally got a third season, which is somehow even better than the first two. mashima taichi is one of my favourite characters of all time and his storyline hits me on such a profound level. plus, in the years since i first say this show i’ve fallen in love with classical japanese literature (particularly heian poetry) so i had newfound appreciation for the karuta matches (aka i cried every time someone recited one of my favourite poems)
other favourites: together with me, he’s coming to me, sotus and sotus s, my dear loser: edge of 17, why r u, theory of love, wake up chanee!, gameboys, pearl next door, uta koi (anime), three kingdoms (2010), blood and water (netflix). (itsay would almost certainly be on my list if i’d had time to watch it. same with dark blue kiss, which i had to pause so i could do my assignments)
Final Thoughts
well, it’s been... a year (i don’t think anyone needs a reminder of the details) but writing this post has reminded me of all the amazing shows and people I discovered over the course of it.
thank you to everyone for being so lovely and creative and funny and quirky and kind and passionate. you’re all incredibly awesome people and i wish all of you the very best xx
#tag game#I think I was first tagged in one of these like three weeks ago? but I’ve been super busy#happy new year everyone#ellis talks#also I tried to keep this as short as possible bc otherwise I could have gushed for hours about you all#and this post is long enough already#but if any of you are in a low mood or want the unabridged version of my praise then message me & I’ll compliment you profusely to your face#:)
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2020 Fic Meme
I have shamelessly stolen this from a few people on my dash because it is 11:14pm on New Year’s Eve and I’m alone and I want to occupy my mind with something else.
Name(s): drunkkenobi
Fandom(s): Shyan all the way, baby
Where you post: AO3
Most popular one shot by kudos: From just this year? secrets I have held in my heart are harder to hide than I thought (aka the one where Shane has a bisexual awakening). Of all my fics, my most popular one shot is You’ve Been Starring in My Dreams (aka the one where Ryan doesn’t exist)
Most Popular multi-chapter by kudos: I didn’t post any multi-chaptered fics this year, although I have posted 4 fics in my Ellie series, if that counts. Of all time, it’s The Worst Demon Ever, which I will probably never top for better or worse.
Favorite Story You’ve Written So Far: From this year, it’s probably the first from my Ellie series, how long do you wanna be loved? is forever enough? because it kickstarted a whole series that was my happy place this year. I even have a Sims house of this family. I will not apologize.
Fic You Were Nervous to Post: It Might Just Save Your Life (the time travel one) since it was for an exchange and I didn’t have a lot of time to write it. I just wanted my recipient to like it! (they did, or at least, were a very gracious commenter)
How do you choose your titles? A lot are song lyrics, but I really like to make sure that the song is either something that the characters would listen to or at least very appropriate for the fic. (like two of my Ellie fics are from The Chicks’ “Lullaby”, which was written about Natalie Maines’ kid, so even if Shane and Ryan don’t listen to that kind of music, it still fit. Same with doing the main song from Back to the Future for It Might Just Save Your Life). If I don’t do song lyrics, I just try to think of something funny.
Do you outline? sort of? I don’t do detailed ones with like, numbers or anything. I tend to write a stream of consciousness block of words in my google doc of what I think the plot will be and sometimes with bits of dialogue I think fit. I almost never stick to this exactly, but it helps me think of the plot. I do a lot of my plotting out in my head as I go to sleep or when I’m in the shower.
Complete: I guess this means works I completed this year, which is 9! I think that’s the most I’ve ever done in one year, but a lot of them were on the shorter side.
In-Progress: I don’t post WIPs to AO3, but I have 8 in my google doc folder, for now.
Coming soon/not yet started: Of those 8, I’m committed to finishing 2 of them (they are both at about 75% done). Those other 6 may never make it, they’re mostly just ideas. I also am furious that no one has properly written fic about October 2019, the most emotionally intense month of Shyan that we know about that gave us facetouching and “I love you” so that’s an idea I’ve been noodling about for awhile.
Prompts: Love prompts! I can’t guarantee that it would spark inspiration (my brain’s weird about that), but they can be fun for sure.
Upcoming work you’re most excited about: I will finish these ANTM and Clueless AUs if it kills me.
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It’s Time to Talk about a Bespectacled Elephant in the Room
I’ve been in the Beatles fandom for 8 and a half years. I have had a Beatles blog for the entirety of those 8 and a half years, and I have watched as discourse about these four men evolve. The discourse inside and outside the fandom has become so toxic that I don’t think I can engage with it in the same way that I could before. Let me explain.
When I entered this fandom 8 and a half years ago, it was in 2012, quite an infamous year in tumblr history. That was the pique of “”cringey”” fandom culture. The Beatles fandom was as steeped in fandom culture as any other fandom. I know this because I was part of two of the top of fandoms at the time, Doctor Who and Sherlock. Believe me, I have seen cringe.
The fandom at the time was totally aware of the John, Paul, George, and Ringo’s flaws as individuals, but most fans tended to simply enjoy Beatles fandom as if it were the 60s. Some might call it ignorant bliss. If you asked me at the time, I’d have said it was self-aware ignorant bliss--if that even makes sense. At the time, there wasn’t a person with a Beatles icon who hadn’t heard the line “John Lennon beat his wife.” Everyone knew it, but everyone also knew the real story, and so everyone just made peace with it. As a result, people didn’t think about every bad thing the Beatles ever did on a daily basis. It was more like a once-a-month kind of thing. Otherwise, fandom discourse was quite fun and relaxed. There were no shipping wars, no one fought over who was the best Beatle, everyone gushed over the Beatles wives, and we all just had fun with fics and fan art.
Of course, in this period, people engaged in conversations about one bespectacled Beatles problematic behavior. These conversations usually came from outside of the fandom. It was usually randos coming into the tags or into someone’s ask box and ranting about John Lennon’s violent behavior. Some of it came from within the fandom. Some people really didn’t like John and gave others shit if they listed John as their favorite Beatle. A lot of the discourse boiled down to: ‘hey, I see you like John Lennon. You should know that he beat his wife. And now that you know that, you should feel bad about ever liking him in the first place.’ And the response was often, ‘Actually, John Lennon didn’t beat his wife. They weren’t even married at the time. And also he didn’t beat her, he slapped her once in the face, and then never did it again.’ No one’s minds were changed. The fans had made their peace, and the antis came off as cynical and pretentious.
When Dashcon happened, and Tumblr took a hard look at its cringey fandom culture, the Beatles fandom evolved as well. The fandom became, frankly, less fun. It no longer felt like a group of people who found the Beatles decades after the 60s and were fangirling like it was 1965. There was still some of that left, but a lot of it kind of faded. So, most fandom interactions were reblogging pictures of the Beatles from the 60s and various interview clips and quotes. But the barrage of antis never really went away, and the response didn’t evolve.
Then, the advent of cancel culture came on. I always waited for the Beatles to get, like, officially canceled, but I also felt they were uncancel-able at the same time. Let me explain. I have been a Beatles fan primarily in an online space, rarely engaging with fans in real life. But I have met fans who are life-long Beatles fans, people who are a lot older than us and who’s fandom isn’t tied to the internet. They don’t give a shit about any of our discourse. They may or may not have heard it before, but they seem totally indifferent to all of it. I’m sure most of them have never heard ‘Mclennon’ before. These are the people that flock to see Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr in concert (and pay astronomical prices for it). These are the people who go to record shops and buy vinyl. These are the people I run into at flea markets who buy up all the Beatles merch before I can even arrive (true story). So, the Beatles will never be canceled because there will always be people who love the Beatles and don’t engage with online discourse. Rarely said, but thank god for Gen-X.
As cancel culture took over the internet, fandoms changed. It’s not as noticeable in fandoms without problematic favs. For instance, I’m also steeped in the Tom Holland fandom, and that boy is a little angel who has done no wrong. No one has discourse about the unproblematic boy who plays an equally unproblematic character. But in fandoms with ‘problematic favs’ the mood has shifted. I’m also in the Taron Egerton fandom. Taron Egerton, for those who only follow me for my Beatles stuff, is a genuinely sweet and kind person who has had zero scandals in his six year career. There were some rumblings when he was cast as Elton John, and some people took issue with the fact that he’s a straight man playing a gay man. This discourse seemed to die quickly as a whole lot of straight people played gay people in that same year (Olivia Coleman as queer Queen Anne, Emma Stone as her queer lover, Rami Malek as Freddie Mercury). Why jump on this boy who at the time was still technically on the rise. He’s not exactly the same target as someone like Scarlett Johansson who has her pick of roles. Taron doesn’t have quite that some power in Hollywood, and I think most people made peace with the fact that this was a big role for him, and it’s not really fair to take that away from him. So, all in all, the closest thing to a scandal was something that died pretty much on arrival.
That was until this summer when everything changed. When George Floyd was murdered, celebrities flocked to social media to mourn his loss. Taron’s social media account was silent. For weeks, Taron said nothing about Black Lives Matter or Floyd’s death. This caused outrage in the fandom. Many raced to defend him, starting a hashtage #IstandwithTaron. Others sought to tear him down and anyone who supported him. The kind of mania this one incident caused tore through an otherwise peaceful fandom. What I saw was two sides in a total panic. The antis were people who once had faith that Taron was a good person and were now questioning that. Andthe defenders were people who desperately wanted him to be a good person and were afraid that he wasn’t. In essence, both sides could feel Taron about to get canceled. The defenders wanted to stop it, the antis wanted to ride that wave.
What this long drawn out Taron example is meant to convey: is that cancel culture has put fandoms on edge. One’s fav has to be perfect, otherwise it can jeopardize the existence of the entire fandom. I’ll admit, I was afraid that I’d be some kind of pariah for standing by Taron through all of this. My actions were to basically reason with the antis but still defend Taron. I defend him mostly because I felt that his silence was the result of a needed social media absence and that trying to shame him back onto social media was an invasion of privacy. But I was genuinely afraid that he would get canceled, and the fun of the Taron fandom would be lost.
In the Beatles fandom, it often feels like the Beatles, mainly John, have already been canceled. I see this coming from two different sources: antis from outside of the fandom and antis within the fandom. The outside antis are just the same as the ones from 2012. These are people who like to drop in that John Lennon beat his wife, posting this in the tag (which violates an ancient tumblr real by the way--no hate in the tags).
The antis outside the fandom speak to a larger anti-John Lennon sentiment online. I see references to John Lennon ‘beating his wife’ on Tiktok and twitter. The tone of anti-John Lennon posts has shifted. Before, it felt like the antis were being smug but also argumentative. They wanted to have a conversation about this bit of info they read on Reddit with no context. Now, “John Lennon beating his wife” is practically a meme. It’s a running joke online that John Lennon was a wife beater. I can’t look on my instagram explore page because every so often a John Lennon beats his wife meme will pop up amongst the other, normal, memes.
This change in discourse suggests that the internet has just accepted this as fact now. I should note that back in 2012, it seemed as if few people knew this fact. The fandom knew it, and these random antis knew it, but few others did. Now, because of how common these memes are, it seems to be widespread knowledge.
Consequently, the Beatles fandom, who used to ward off attacks from antis, seems to have given in. I recently saw a post from a Beatles blog (had the URL and icon and everything) that confessed they felt guilty for listening to the Beatles, and I’ve seen similar sentiments expressed in the fandom. People tend to put disclaimers in posts about John or even all four that John is an ‘awful man.’ It seems like the self-aware ignorant bliss has completely gone away. Occasionally, I still see posts joyously talking about Mclennon or reblogs of old photos from the 60s. But the culture has shifted.
Online, it no longer feels comfortable to be a Beatles fan. It feels like you have to own up to 8 decades of mistakes by four men you’ve never met. And, I should note, this is kind of how it feels to be a fan of anything right now. Taron is not canceled today, but he could be tomorrow. It’s this pervasive feeling of guilt that the person you’re supporting may or definitely has or is doing something wrong.
I’ll admit this uncomfortable feeling has expanded into other parts of my fandom life. I listen to their music, and I feel elated--the way I always have. Then, I get these intrusive thoughts which sound like all the worst parts of Twitter combined. It wasn’t always like this. Back in 2012, when I knew almost nothing about them, I saw them as four young men who were full of happiness, love for another, and talent. Back then, listening to their music was exciting and joyous. Sometimes, I fear that I can never feel that way again. Next year, when I finally go to Liverpool, will I be filled with excitement or guilt?
I say all this for a few reasons. One, I love John Lennon. I appreciate all the good he did for the world not just as a musician and an artist but also his advocacy and charity work. I love him, and a part of me will always love him, but observing the change in discourse has enlightened me as a historian. Part of my job is to observe people’s legacies, and John’s is perhaps the most interesting legacy I’ve ever observed. When he died, he was hailed as a saint. But tall poppy syndrome set in, and the antis started. This culture grew and grew to the point where it seems to, at least among the younger generation, taken over the sainthood.
But as a historian and a fan, I have never seen the saint or the devil. I’ve only seen the man, the incredibly flawed man. The thing that these antis never understand is that John Lennon was painfully aware of his own flaws to the point where it made him all the more self-destructive. In essence, his past mistakes caused him to make additional mistakes. But John, aware of his own flaws, always tried to change and was often successful. I’ve talked about this before, but John demonstrated that he was capable of being a good person, like properly so, again and again. After he struck Cynthia, he never hit her again. His shortcomings as a father to Julian weren’t repeated with Sean. He worked on his drinking, his drug addiction, and his anger, trying to overcome those demons till the day he died. By all accounts, the John Lennon that died in 1980 is not the John Lennon who struck Cynthia Powell at school. That John Lennon was living a cleaner, healthier life. He was a better father to both his sons by that point, and was trying to repair his relationship with Julian. He was a good husband to Yoko and saw himself living a long and happy life.
John Lennon cannot and should not be boiled down to just his flaws. It’s one thing as a fan to acknowledge that John is a flawed human being (news flash: they all are), but he is also much bigger than that.
So once again, why am I writing this long, rambling post, once again talking about John Lennon’s virtues? Because if I can’t engage with healthy discourse about the Beatles and John Lennon, then I can’t engage with discourse on the topic at all. So, I probably will post less Beatles stuff because I find it hard to go through the tags or even my dash (well, I can’t really go through my dash anymore for other reasons I’m not going to get into right now). If any of my followers have noticed a lot of Taron posts lately, it’s not just because I love Taron, it’s because Taron’s tag is pretty much the only location on tumblr I feel 100% comfortable in. Any foray into John or the Beatles tags becomes uncomfortable and guilt-ridden quickly.
So, I probably will post less about the Beatles until I can find a blog or a tag that doesn’t give me bad vibes. My fandom will likely outgrow tumblr and the internet. I have a ton of Beatles books; maybe I’ll rely on those. I am doing official scholarly research on them now. Maybe that will be my outlet. I’m sorry if I post less about them now, but it’s really for my own well-being.
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Okay so I already did my freak out meme post about this spoiler scan, now it’s time for analysis!!!
So immediately, the first thing that comes to my mind is the white hair. I’ve always thought Touya had white hair and I prefer him with white hair in art/fics, because I feel like it makes more sense with the specifics of his quirk than the red does. That’s just personal opinion though.
Secondly, is the inevitable fact that it seems pretty clear that Touya is dead. In the spoiler chapter translations I’ve seen, this panel shows up when Enji himself goes to their alter and says something about a dream he’d been having (one where his family is happy but he isn’t there) and he says that he wants to know what he can do to fix it, and that he wishes Touya was there. This, coupled with the recent panels of Fuyumi praying, makes it seem pretty clear that they think he’s dead.
Now, when it was just Fuyumi, I’m sure we all thought that maybe Enji just covered up his escape/his life in general and that Touya went on to be Dabi, or perhaps Geten. (I do not like the Geten theory at all, I mean if Touya had had both quirks like people claim in that theory then none of the other children would exist, Enji would’ve stopped at the perfect creation.)
But now that we know that Endeavor seems to legitimately believe his son is dead—he was alone in this scene, there wouldn’t be anyone to pretend for—I cannot for the life of me think of some kind of situation that would allow Touya to be alive. If he’d escaped the hospital, Enji would know. If he was still alive in the hospital, people would visit him instead of praying to a picture that seems nearly 20 years old (depending on Touya’s current age, though I like to think he and Fuyumi are twins) in their house.
Based on recent panels, I’m legitimately concerned that Touya is just dead, that Dabi is just a random angry black-haired dude who has some similarities to a deceased Todoroki, and that Geten is just some equally angry ice bitch with similar ideals to the current number 1 Hero.
Finally, is this really the best picture they have of him? Around 5 or so years old, not smiling, how old was Touya when he “died?” We can assume that he’s around until at least Shouto’s burn scar since he’s there playing soccer and falling over, but past that I don’t believe we get an appearance, since the ages of the kids in this:
panel aren’t confirmed. We know Touya is meant to be the oldest sibling, but if we take into account the twins possibility then he would currently be 23 at minimum, and probably 27 at maximum, since Enji wouldn’t wait very long past quirk manifestation to pump out the next child. That makes him at least 8 years older than Shouto, or at minimum 13 years old at our last confirmed time in the Todoroki household.
So again, why is this the picture they’re using? Surely when praying to your deceased son/brother, you’d want the most recent picture you could get, right? Well, I have a potential answer to that: Touya didn’t look very good past the time this picture was taken.
Touya’s health is an issue that’s kind of skirted around, we never find out for sure exactly how sick he was, or exactly what his cause of death ended up being. Of course, there’s his quirk, his stunted growth, he seems extra skinny too, but other than that we don’t get info as to why. Most people assume he “died” in the fire that caused his burns, but there’s always the possibility that those burns came earlier. I mean, looking at this panel, he seemed pretty healthy and unscarred at this point, catching up to his sister in height, he looks okay.
Except we don’t see his face. We’ve never gotten to see his face until now, perhaps the reason they use this photo at the alter is because upon the manifestation of Touya’s quirk, the scarring from his training was so bad that they stopped taking photos, or perhaps the more recent photos are simply too painful to look at. Maybe it went exactly like that, quirk manifestation, burns, sickness, “death.” Maybe he died in a ball of rage-fueled fire in the Todoroki household like so many people seem to like to say, maybe they all watched him pass slowly in a hospital bed. The situation he was in would be mentally and physically taxing for a regular person, imagine the strain on a person who’s already injured and weak.
I’m honestly just spitballing here, but this one scene brings up a lot of theory fodder for Touya. I’m honestly a little terrified because it really seems that Touya died, but we’ll have to hold out for the next little bit of info.
#idk lads#some things to think about#this post is just my equivalent of Deku rambling lmao#might add to this after i sleep since its 1am currently#idk about y’all;;;#but Touya is seeming pretty dead#mha#bnha#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#mha manga#bnha manga#manga spoilers#mha manga spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#touya todoroki#todoroki touya#dabi#bnha dabi#dabi bnha#mha dabi#dabi mha#geten#bnha geten#geten bnha#mha geten#geten mha
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2020 In Review: Wordcount Tag
I was tagged for this by @actualanxiousswampwitch , thank you! I’m not sure who’s already done or been tagged for this cause I am, once again, late to the party LOL but I shall (no pressure and sorry if you’ve already done it!) tag: @rainofaugustsith , @darth-bagel , @thatmmolesbian , @thelastenvoyyy and anybody else who wants to do this. Yes, I promise I mean you!
Words: 45,314
Published: 0 (I’m not counting the couple of Six Sentence tags I’ve gotten, they’re snippets of an unfinished piece & are included below instead :), or roleplay replies, cause that feels like cheating lol.)
I actually wrote a lot more than I thought I had, this is a rough guesstimate as well, as my oneshot WIPs tend to be all over the place across something like 6 different documents, some of which have existed since 2018, so I had to guess at how far up to count from the end for some of them, but I think it’s a fair guesstimate XD
I also have included lore/worldbuilding docs in this because that was a 3-month long Lockdown 1.0 Boredom/”Canon is a trash fire so I’m ignoring that and making up my own lore” passion project and I’m goddamn proud of how much I wrote for that. It’s the most I’ve written in one stretch (think I finished it over a span of 3 nights or so, once I’d done all the research and made all the notes ofc ^^)
Not Published: 45,314
The Breakdown:
swtor - 45,314
for creeping shadows (my main longfic/part one of the subterfugeverse series) - 1,553 - Aria, stop being difficult! *shakes fists* XD
oneshots - 16,223
lore/worldbuilding (for subterfugeverse naturally) - 23,001 (is this ALL tomato alien lore? pretty much, yes, yes it is :’D ~400 words is “the WIP reworked timeline to correlate my worldbuilding with the canon timeline that was released”, but 98% is just...me thinking way too much about Purebloods and how they deserved way better goddamn lore. I blame @fluffynexu ‘s amazing tomato worldbuilding posts, reading them when I went looking for “canon” lore one day for the rp is what got me started down that rabbithole (it’s awesome and if you haven’t already you should totally go check hers out too :DD), I had a “fuck you then canon I’ll do it myself too >:L” moment and once I started I couldn’t stop until I’d crapped out literally over 20k words on the subject *whispering* thank you LOL)
zephyrverse au bonus oneshots - 4,537 (stuff I wrote to fill in time gaps or “just cause I had a plot bunny”, relating to mine and k-christine’s zephyrverse au rp. None of these will likely be posted publicly, but they still deserve to be counted as words I wrote this year :’D
As you can see, most of my “muse” this year came from sporadic oneshots :’D The Ahaszaai twins also properly plot-bunnied their way into my brain in late 2019 and haven’t stopped making a nuisance of themselves the whole fucking year. Every time I tried to carry on with a chapter, one of the two of them would pop up like “Nooo write about ME! pay attention to ME!” - Yes, Ni’kasi, I will get to you this year, I promise XD
New Things I Tried:
Just Writing. Not worrying about whether “it wasn’t part of the next chapter” or “it comes from a part in the story that I’m nowhere near close to posting yet”. If I felt like writing something, or for a specific pairing/feeling/scene, whatever. I wrote until I ran outta muse juice. Yeah, it meant I didn’t technically “finish” anything this year BUT - the important thing is I wrote stuff. and that’s all that really matters, eh? :’D
Polyam ships! May not seem like a big deal but I spent a long time talking myself out of them because of internalised toxic monogamy and finally saying “you know what, fuck it! I can ship three or more people together and it can still be a perfectly wholesome, healthy and loving relationship and that’s okay” was a BIG thing for me this year.
Dialogue Scripts: which I didn’t count as wordcount because really it’s just word vomit of general tone/inflection and dialogue that I came up with right before falling asleep which I didn’t want to lose. Basically, if an exchange or a particularly punchy or moving line of dialogue popped into my brain but I wasn’t ready to write the whole scene that it fit into out, but didn’t want to forget the line(s). I wrote it out in movie script/script-style roleplay fashion e.g. Character’s Name: (emotion, hand gestures etc.) [Dialogue here] and so on. I know this is probably a well known trick of the trade, but I never took it seriously until this year. Seriously, do it. It’s great.
Favorite Thing I Wrote:
Hmmm, a snippet for Andronikos/Ni’kasi that I started this week which isn’t posted yet (saving it for this week’s Six Sentence Sunday so look out for it! :D) was pretty fun to work on, I love their dynamic and Kas is suprisingly fun to write for.
Also the Aria/Vano proposal scene that I posted a snippet for the week before last. I’m having great fun with that scene, and I really enjoy putting a non-serious spin on the classic “proposal scene” tropes. Can’t wait to finish it, though it may be a while before the full one goes up on AO3, as it depends whether it ends up fitting in as part of the mainfic or as an additional oneshot
And I have a D’leah/Kissai oneshot that I need to give another once-over before I finally yeet it onto AO3 and Tumblr for you guys to see :’D
Favorite Fic I Read:
@sleepswithvillains Eleanora/Quinn fic, Helplessly Hoping. I’m horribly behind on chapters and I gotta catch up and read the finale this week, but it’s been a helluva great ride and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the story! <3
Also The Invitation collab with @tishinada featuring Zas and Fiona had me squealing, I can’t wait to catch up on HH and see more of these two, they’re adorable ;-;
@a-muirehen ‘s Relu/Merkara series of course! I’m a complete sucker for (friends to lovers to in Ariano’s case but yea pfpfpf) enemies to lovers ships and these two are just so good, I am on the edge of my seat every time we get a new snippet for them, ngl (grimace emoji)
@darth-bagel ‘s Sylvas/Graz’zt and Sylvas/Liz/Rilfaen snippets which they’ve been spoiling me with on Discord
@mercurypilgrim ‘s Ven’fir/Quinn AU oneshots, Cloudbank (Western was a particular favourite, but all are very good!)
and of course @rainofaugustsith ‘s Lana/Viri updates are always fantastic, some personal favourites from this year were Almost There & Memory of Healing :3 (I totally still go back to read Commander & Advisor too sometimes, getting to see Viri be a little diabolical and messing with “MiNiSTeR LoRMaN!” was and still is my favourite thing XD)
If I’ve left you out I’m sorry!! These were the ones that stuck out in my memory, but I’ve loved everyone’s writing this year, it’s been great :3
Writing Goals:
to actually finish and post chapter 8 & 9 of Creeping Shadows. Then we’ll get to the meat and potatoes of the story and maybe Aria will stop being a brat and fighting me every time I try to stick to a semi-regular update schedule
Get off my butt, finalise the name and get started on Ni’kasi’s part of the Subterfugeverse story. Maybe run the updates in-tandem with Creeping Shadows but idk if I want to wait till after CS is done before I start posting Kas’s side, or do them side-by-side yet, we’ll see ;)
Keep writing! I know better than to pressure myself by setting a specific word count goal, that’s never worked well in the past
At least 2 chapters of each of the works mentioned above would be great though, more would be better! We’ll see how I go
Words of Thanks:
honestly, to everybody in the fandom I’ve met this year. Anybody that I follow, thank you for being there and engaging with me and/or posting amazing content for me to look at! I came over from deviantART where the SWTOR fandom is incredibly small and generally quite inactive and the contrast since moving over here has been incredibly uplifting. I very nearly cancelled Creeping Shadows and stopped posting fic for my SWTORverse altogether because I got next to no engagement on dA and it was very disheartening to the point where I felt I could enjoy the game and the rp partners I had, but the solo projects I’d put so much thought, time and love into already weren’t worth continuing. You guys took that spark and kept it going and I really don’t have enough words to say how grateful I am for that.
Even if I haven’t published much this year, making posts on this tumblr, interacting with everyone and working on lore, plot points and so on for Subterfugeverse has kept me going through the Hellish Year of Nightmares that was 2020 <3
to the amazing new friends I’ve made in this past year, who have listened to me ramble about headcanons, character backstories, writing snippets (and rambled/sent some back), keep being awesome: @walk-ng-d-saster , @darth-bagel , @kyber-heart , @deepseacritter , @thedinalixlegacy
to further friends and meme tag buddies, I get so excited every time I see a mention for a new meme or ask game in my inbox, so thank you!! : @mimabeann , @palepinkycat , @a-master-procrastinator , @raven-of-domain-kwaad , @actualanxiousswampwitch , @thatmmolesbian , @a-muirehen
to my regular commentors/rebloggers/likers/askbox lurkers, I see every one of you and every time your users pop up I grin like a kid in a toy shop: @starlightjedi , @sparkles-and-rust , @wilvarin-chan , @sunsetofdoom , @ask-an-andalite , @thelastenvoyyy . @lyrishadow and more because Tumblr only goes so far back and I have the memory of Swiss Cheese. If you regularly comment, like, reblog, or anything, from me, know that I see you, and I love and appreciate you for it! <3
I couldn’t possibly remember to tag everyone and I promise if I missed you out it’s not because I hate you!
Anxiety just sometimes be a bitch and I don’t wanna look like a clown calling someone a “friend” if I’m not explicitly sure we are, in fact, friends. I think you’re all awesome and I’m so glad to have moved over here and met you all <3
#long post#wordcount year review tag#elven's writing: stats#repost bc i goofed some links woops sorry everyone#^^;#will i eventually post any of this stuff? yes!#i will. i just...don't know *when* the time will be right for most of it hahaha#the only bits i won't post are the zephyrverse-specific oneshots cause i just don't feel like i want to#but everything else will (eventually) in some capacity be thrown into the void for all of you to read#shameless friend appreciation post#shameless mutual and follower appreciation post#<3#swtor sort of
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