#my therapist was like okay i guess we can do relationship therapy today (she is technically certified as one)
Text
my ex is one of my best friends (in true lesbian fashion of course) and i’m their ‘witness’ for their autism evaluation so i’m staying with them for the week and their cats are ALL over me so i’m all sneezy and an allergic mess.
and they know about the kink so every time i have a sneezing fit they just give me this LOOK like they know how crazy it’s driving me
i am getting absolutely no work done because i am so distracted in multiple ways
#the ONE person i told about the kink also happens to be the one who sees me sneeze the most#if only they had the kink LOL they don’t see the appeal at all#they actually hate when i sneeze too much like get visibly annoyed#got a clingy ass cat in my lap and her tail is tickling my arms#it’s so obvious why we are exes like i had therapy today and i literally logged onto the zoom session WHILE WE WERE FIGHTING LMFAO#my therapist was like okay i guess we can do relationship therapy today (she is technically certified as one)
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
Gale Reviews: ML Season 5 episode 13 Migration
Spoilers Below
-Starting out on the boat
-Marinette wants to talk to Luka. I can already hear the screeching from here
-Luka's got jokes
-Luka got a degree in psychology during the last few weeks cause he playing therapist
-Points to Marinette for being self aware.
-And there is the guitar strumming.
-Luka being like "Nah bitch, you gave me material to work with.”
- you know I wonder why I’m so hard on Luka sometimes…
-Oh right! I remember he knows their identities and blatantly lied about it.
-at the very least, at least Luka sees what we the audience see.
-Adrien and Marinette are adorable
-Adrien’s therapy session. (Seriously someone get this boy legit therapy. He has gone through so much.)
-someone PLEASE tell them to remove their shoes on the bed. It’s gross.
-Adrien’s main worry isn’t finding out the truth but worried it would make Marinette uncomfortable or hurt to do so. Damn that’s actually a fascinating contrast between their relationship with Marinette. Luka wanted the truth not caring what it was, while Adrien wants the truth but not the expense of Marinette. Fascinating
-Luka really said “Fuck the true selves narrative”
-JAGGED TOO! Seriously? Is he everyone’s therapist?! No wonder there are akuma everywhere! This Paris is actually a dystopia
-So Jagged is actually trying to be a better dad here, but knows he can’t stay cause him and anarke aren’t getting back together. Points for trying.
-Jagged and penny is sailing!
-Penny sounding like the only one with actual s*** to deal with but…
- PENNY TOO! Damn he should start charging. He’d make a boat load of cash (Hehehe)
-penny out here telling us she is in love with Jagged even though he is a disaster. Pfff problematic faves
-Can’t believe Luka figured out the 3 questions needed to be a successful therapist.
-not gonna lie. I was hoping Bob was next.
-Anarke YEETED HIM. I think she gave him a life preserver. That’s funny
-Luka really being ladynoir shipping trash
-Kitty section is mid. But Bob gonna be plottin
-Anarke being the only adult here. She is right.
-IT WAS A RUBBER DUCKY! That’s funny!
-okay, Luka being like “Mom…” and anarke saying she will stop throwing people overboard. HOW OFTEN DOES SHE DO THAT?!
-Bob roth pulling the “I was lying but now I’m honest” routine
-Luka…. You of all people shouldn’t trust him after silencer.
-They seriously signed it…
-These expressions will haunt my nightmares
-They really should have read the contracts. Like seriously. Anarke, YOU OF ALL PEOPLE could have read it.
-Bob roth came prepared to be yeeted that time. I gotta respect the play.
-Damn, that contract is Disney evil.
-Now there’s Luka looking visibly distraught. Now this is what I wanted from silencer
-Monarch out here loving the pain and suffering
-Silencer 2.0 let’s go!
-So Monarch Can’t read minds, but he can read emotions, picking up that Luka was trying to hide the fact he knew who ladybug and chat noir are! Oh damn!
-He smashed the guitar! Well karma’s a bitch Luka. You lost a guitar over it (but probably not cause miracle cure)
-How did Bob create duplicates so quickly?!
-Monarch really said he be settling today.
-I like the 70’s skeevy record producer look with gold. It works for Bobs villain form
-Rip guitar. I guess that’s 1 consequence of his actions.
-OH DAMN! Julrose confirmed!?
-oh… she loves her friends. Okay that’s just lesBaiting.
-HE YEETED HER INTO SPACE!
-Luka getting everyone to hide but having Marinette hide somewhere else. Marinette seemed sus of it but didn’t complain.
-Luka was Hinting hard there.
-Juleka!
-Screw you bob, Juleka’s music was low key heat.
-THE Rubber DUCKY! Also Bob is right. That Ducky mix tape slapped
-He put it with his golden records. Amazing
-Mood chat noir
-Pigeon record was not a hit
-Luka revealed that He knows ladybug’s Marinette to ladybug.
-Marinette didn’t get it right away.
-THERE IT IS
-and she blames herself.
-Oh look at that he doesn’t get in trouble for when he blatantly lied to her about seeing the identities last season. WHAT A FUCKING SHOCK! (Sarcasm)
-so he got caught to distract him. So in other words they gambled that he wouldn’t blab in his heart’s song immediately.
-Bob Really thought ladybug and chat noir would protect him?! That’s amusing
- And here we have Luka being ‘Noble’ by saying he has to leave. (At least Adrien found out he knew)
- Jagged quitting the Rockstar life to be with his son. Juleka is in charge of kitty section.
-Price of blatantly lying about knowing ladybug’s identities. ( One Guitar, and a world trip)
____________________________________________
4/10
If I ignored my bias probably 6/10.
I’m still mad Luka basically got off scot free. I was waiting for at least SOMEONE to yell at him. But no. We got nobody mad at him. He gets a hero sacrifice. And while this was Luka’s best season, he still has s*** to own up to. Aside from that the episode was entertaining but also kind of mid. Also I’m salty about the Julrose fake out.
That being said.
Bye blue boy.
32 notes
·
View notes
Text
8:25pm
Well... How did I get here?
Hey Ty! Happy August! It’s Kitty month, because Kitty’s birthday is the 11th. I actually have a paid day off on her birthday to make sure I can spend as much time with her as she’d like, even if it’s only online for now. Makes me happy to know that I’ve made that time for her, special, as she deserves.
I hung out with Rose today! We went and saw the Barbie movie, and got ramen and caught up. We ended up talking about a whole lot of things, trying to catch each other up on everything since high school. We’d seen each other in passing since then, but we hadn’t actually talked, ya know? We caught each other up on The Tea™, little as there was. She told me about Cas and her living situation, and I talked about Gem and Mags and Kitty and Curse and Aza. I think as far as general overviews go, it went well. I also let Rose know that she is on the list of people I wouldn’t mind living with, and if anything happens she knows that my home is always open to her. As are my DMs, if she wants to talk. We reconnected a bit and it was really nice!
I think I’ve decided that I’m not going to do Light Brigade this year. Which… I say every off season. But it really has been 8 entire years. I think that with all the changes happening this next year, I probably need to be home more. Just getting into the groove of things. After all, that is a lot of changes - mom moving away, Kitty, Curse, and Aza moving up here, potentially getting an IRS job so I can be happier - things like that. And while I’ve been doing okay staying constantly busy… I don’t want to do that anymore. I was SO busy prepandemic, so much work and guard and classes and blah blah blah. I want a year of just rest. Of chillin’. Lol. And I love guard so so much, but maybe its time I retired. This last season was amazing, but after COVID, making it through the runs were hard. Like, really hard.
Josh and I had a chat about the romantic vs platonic thing on Monday, and he wanted to be sure that I wasn’t insulted by him mentioning that he may just think of me as a very good friend and that romance was just another room in the house, so to speak. George - his therapist - had mentioned that the phrasing may have been insulting. Lol! But I told him the truth that it was actually kind of freeing. Knowing that, I was able to assess and be truthful about my own feelings without worrying about hurting him. After all, even if Josh and I decided to just be friends, or friends with benefits, or whatever, we’ll still live together and support each other and be a team. It’s giving mom-mom and pop-pop Peebles, tbh.
I’ve been thinking about whether or not our relationship has maybe run its course? Because he stayed because of the pandemic, and we’ve been forced to be together often because of our living situation, there was nowhere for him to go. Not that I wanted him to, we just wouldn’t have been able to afford it anyway. The thing about that though is that now that we’ve had the conversation I feel… less pressure? I guess? I no longer feel like he has a stated expectation for intimacy and closeness, which in turn makes me more open to it. Therapy Works™! I dunno. Since that conversation I’ve wanted him to be closer and I’ve wanted to cuddle up more than I have in a long time? Idk bro.
I also! Today! Got my nexplanon replaced! Only TWO YEARS overdue! Lmao. So I have a bunch of gauze wrapped around my arm and a bandaid and my arm ACHES every so often, but it’s not so bad. I’m worried, though. I had a lot of really bad emotional fluxuations when I got my first one. That being said, it was five years ago, and a LOT more was happening then, but still. I have gotten to a place of supposed calm and ease, and I’m worried that the hormone fluctuation will change that. I’ll probably just cry more lol. That’s what happened before - I started sobbing because Markiplier was playing a game as a tree and then jumped into a saw. Lol. So maybe I get Even Softer with the hormones in me. Which. Sure. As long as I’m not Even Softer and pregnant!
The added bonus is that if birth control gets outlawed, since we’re in a country that cares very little for people like me, I have three (to five) years of it just in my arm. I can just pretend it’s not there lol. If the, like, birth control police or whatever knock on my door.
Today was productive and busy, so now I am sitting on the bed reading Dracula. I’m at the point in the day where I’m not sure what I want to do, but I definitely want to vibe. Kitty and I are going to watch Good Omens whenever she feels better - when she’s in pain, she can’t focus on much of anything - but in the meantime I find myself between hobbies. I am reading and doodling and rolled a dice to choose which to do. I am also rping, as I always am, and that helps. Lol. Makes me feel alive.
I also talked to Rose about Rhys, and everything that happened with that. She said that she understands how I feel about them and like, as I agree with, good for them, I’m glad they’re successful, it just doesn’t have to be With Me. We also talked about successful creativity and how hard it was to continue to create during the pandemic, and it was just a really nice talk. Now I just send her memes!
Last things last, our friend Lana decided to try going by she/her and being called Lana! I’m so excited for her! I hope that she is able to find out who she is and hope she gets comfortable with it.
I thought about it because Rose and I saw the Barbie movie, and every woman I’ve talked to who’s seen it has cried. I did not. Afterward it hit me why - I’m not a woman! Lol. It was a good movie with a good message, and apparently one of those movies where people watch it and then break up with their boyfriends (just like Midsommer and Gone Girl! lol) but it really just cemented for me that I don’t really connect with the message like I would, and also, that I don’t feel like I’m expected to or have to. That’s nice.
Anyway, Ty, thanks for listening as always. It’s a good day for a good day. :)
0 notes
Text
A private blog? retro.
it seems like so many people have these sobriety blogs that they started when they started their journeys, or maybe just the people who succeeded and became spokespeople, I guess. Anyway I have a lot to say and I would just use my written journal but it doesn't keep up with my brain and I'm so out of practice writing things down that my stamina is really low and it irritates me. I don't want to have to stop writing when I'm on a roll. So all of these books I'm reading are basically by women who were like "I started writing this when I decided to get sober and then I just kept going and now you're reading it and it's a book." so I guess I'm doing that now.
I decided officially to try and stop drinking on 12/5 when I woke up. That puts me currently on day 3 without drinking. the night before, sunday night, I decided to drink a bunch of beers for basically no reason except for the fact that I didn't work until 11 am the next day, as I do, and something just clicked while I was drinking where I was like, yeah, I should really talk to someone about this. like an alcohol therapist. so I decided to tell my dad about it and he said he thought it was a good idea. I also talked to my brother, who hasn't had any alcohol for 25 days now, and he and I kind of just discussed like our feelings about alcohol and how it's so unhealthy the relationship we have with it, how we just spend all this time looking forward to any time we can manage getting drunk, going to work hungover, drinking multiple times a week now, drinking way too much each time. it had just gotten out of control for me. the main thing i wanted was to stop drinking so many times a week. so Monday morning I downloaded this app called reframe and I originally went with the "cut back" track, but then the more I read stuff and really thought about it, the more I was like hey, let's just try to quit. see how it goes. so I switched to the quitting track.
after that I kind of went down a rabbit hole. reading forums, checking out books about sobriety. and I've realized how much of a problem I really have, how much I see myself in other peoples' stories, and truly how hard it actually is to not drink. it's just such a habit for me. good day? want to drink to celebrate. and that would honestly be okay, except for the fact that every time I drink I have like 11 beers. which is way too much, like I'm getting shitfaced and basically passing out 3 times a week. even once a week, that's too much. if I could just have like a six pack once a week that would be one thing, and honestly maybe someday I WILL be able to do that! it's just not feasible for me right now. I have too much to work through. drinking brings up so much trauma and I use it way too much as a coping mechanism. and that's not even STARTING on the physical impact is has on me, because my body is already destroying itself. I really don't need to actively destroy it further with what is essentially poison being poured into my body in enormous amounts.
I still think it would probably be useful to go to therapy, but currently I'm trying out a bunch of different things. I also told my roommate/best friend. and she seems like she wants to help. I'm trying to come up with distractions/things I can do during triggering times, aka 5-8 PM-ish and nights before I don't have to work, like weekends or random days off. normally the whole point of those days for me is getting to get drunk, so I need something else to look forward to. last night I was struggling, so I got some NA beer and I did use a nicotine vape that I had, which isn't great but it helped a lot and got rid of the craving, the two of them together. my roommate also came down and hung out with me while I did Legos and stuff, so that was really helpful just to have company that would hold me accountable so I wouldn't order booze or anything. OH and I saw today that they sell Heineken 0.0 on GoPuff!!! which is like.. if god exists the dude is looking out for me there. if I'm having a huge craving I can order those and a vape and still feel like i'm doing something "rebellious" or whatever, still get a little bit of a buzz, but WITHOUT the endless guilt and anxiety of drinking. without saying or doing anything dumb, or worrying endlessly that i did or said something dumb even if i didn't.
anyway. i'm gonna post this on the off chance it develops an underground following or i meet my soulmate cuz that seems to happen sometimes and i've never let go of that wish.
remember when everyone thought justin bieber and taylor swift had a secret tumblr? yeah.
bye
1 note
·
View note
Text
26.06.22. II 11.30pm
It's been a while. A lot of stuff happened since I last used this blog. Well, the goods stuff first I guess.
I've changed therapists. Did one year of cognitive behavioural therapy (is that what it's called in English? Idk). I also got a diagnosis. I have an a social anxiety disorder and a general one. That lead to depression. Realising that changed a lot. First it shocked me a lot that my diagnosis is not Depression ™️ as this has been a part of my identity for...idk forever I guess. But realising that most of my problems stem from anxiety and fear helped a lot. During the pandemic my anxiety got so bad that I constantly had a racing heart and wasn't able to call anyone or go to the supermarket without getting at least a small anxiety attack. That is so much better now. Still feel like shit oftentimes but the social anxiety stuff is much better. My boyfriend said that before the therapy there was about an 80% of a panic or anxiety attack whenever we met people and now it happens like idk 10% maybe? So hurray for that.
Also I moved and live with 3 other people. For one year my sister lived with me and that was great but she left half a year ago. I really love my housemates (still not entirely sure about the new oney but he's okay) and it improved my mental health immensely to not be alone all the time.
Now the bad stuff. My therapy is over and I feel like I only treated the obvious stuff but there is still so much I need to talk about... Mobbing, abusive relationships with friends and partners, sexual assaults etc. Stuff that's in the past but influence me everyday.
Also the pandemic fucked me up big time. My brother has long Covid now and is disabled, my boyfriend's mum believes messed up conspiracy theories and gets more and more radical about stuff, my university studies are just... unbearable and I forgot how to spend time outside of my house for longer than 4 hours or so.
Currently I'm trying to finish my bachelor's degree to finally start my master's. My first masters semester starts in September and I have to do an internship in a school. Luckily I will do it at a school close to my parents and my boyfriend. But I am so fucking afraid of doing it... Such a huge step and I hate change. Also I might not be able to do it when I don't finish my bachelor's stuff first and so far it doesn't look good.. I still have to write two term paper plus my bachelor's paper (but I can take one of these into my master and do it later). I just can't write anymore. The moment I open my term paper I get an anxiety attack with heavy breathing and heart racing and stuff... Idk I just can't do it and it kills me...
That's it for today, maybe I'll use this blog more often again idk
I actually looked at it again bc I felt like shit and had self harm and suicidal thoughts again but somehow writing about the last couple of years helped a bit I think
0 notes
Text
A Favor: Part Twenty-Three
Nessian Modern AU
Masterlist
a/n: so yeah this isn’t my best work bc i havent been feeling great lately but i hope you guys can stay patient with me until i get my shit together. we’re almost to the end🤞
***
Sitting crammed between Elain and Feyre on the gray couch in Lana’s office, Nesta has to cross her legs prettily and pretend she doesn’t want to peel out of her skin right there. She doesn’t know what she was thinking when she invited her sisters to one of her therapy sessions, but she’s assuming it would be considered rude to kick them out now.
“Who wants to speak first?” Lana’s bob swings as she looks at each of them. The office is ice cold today, and Feyre and Elain’s presence doesn’t help the chill in the air.
Nesta crosses her arms before she can be asked to speak. “No, thank you,” she says. She knows everyone probably expects better from her, but no way in hell is she going to be the first to open up in front of this crowd. “Feyre,” she turns to her youngest sister instead, “why don’t you say something?”
“Actually, why don’t you set the example, Nesta?” Lana gives her a look, making her cheeks redden with irritation.
“Fine,” Nesta grumbles. She clears her throat. “As you can see, I have made moves to reconnect with my sisters. I invited them here because I hoped that therapy would bring us closer and also make them more… tolerable.”
Elain coughs, “Bitch.”
Nesta smiles tightly. “Elain could especially use this, I think.”
Lana is already frowning. She never frowns this early into a session. “We’ll start with an easy question, then. What’s been on your mind lately, Nesta?”
Nesta purses her lips, pretending to think. “Nothing important. I’m looking at jobs for the summer. I think Azriel keeps sneaking money into my purse, and it’s starting to become more than a little condescending. I caught up with some friends from school, and I was polite enough to pay for lunch.” She mentions off to the side to Elain, “Lucien was there, too.”
“Why would I care?” Elain sneers. She spies Lana’s disapproving look and lowers her head demurely. “Sorry,” she murmurs.
“That’s alright,” Lana says. “Why don’t you go next?”
“Me?” Elain’s head snaps up, and Nesta holds in her snicker.
“Start by describing your relationship with Nesta. I heard you two used to be very close.” Lana uncaps her pen, preparing to write.
Elain flushes lightly and folds her hands. “That was when we were children. The only thing keeping us together was that we shared a home. When we stopped living in the same place, some of us had no problem leaving others in the dust.”
“You can use my name,” Nesta rolls her eyes, “I’m right here.”
From the corner of her vision, Feyre cringes.
“Are you saying you feel abandoned by Nesta?” Lana continues probing.
Elain’s answering silence tells more than enough. Therapy must actually be paying off, though, because Nesta only thinks about interrupting and defending herself for a second before shaking it off. Her mind focuses on the word abandonment instead.
Lana is focusing on the same thing, because she leans closer and says, “Being abandoned bothers you?”
“I never said that,” Elain says indignantly.
“It would bother most people.”
Nesta watches Elain sigh and blink her big doe eyes at Lana. She’s always been able to use those eyes on anybody for anything. “I just don’t understand why I’m the villain for expecting a little loyalty,” Elain says sweetly. “Especially when you take a look at this face.” She cups her round cheeks. “You know psychology. How could you abandon this face?”
Nesta’s jaw hangs open. “Are we still talking about me?” She remembers Cassian telling her the story behind Azriel ghosting Elain, and a pang of guilt and pity hits her. She still hasn’t talked with Elain about why Azriel left Velaris, and she knows she won’t be able to decide whether to spare Az or not until she does.
“So that’s my turn,” Elain finishes up. “Feyre can go next.”
Lana is writing something sharply on her notepad, but she nods coolly. “Feyre, how would you describe your relationship with your sisters?”
“Oh, we don’t have time for all of that,” Feyre laughs awkwardly and waves a hand.
Nesta agrees, but the look Lana gives Feyre tells her that yes, they do have time.
Gulping, Feyre glances around. “Well, I was born last, so I guess that made me the outsider of the family. I never had much in common with my sisters, but now that we’re older I… hoped that we would grow past that.”
Translation: she hoped that once she found her happy ending in Rhysand’s arms, poor little Nesta and Elain would happily assimilate into her new community of wealthy friends, putting the cherry on top of her perfect life. And while Elain did that exact thing, it’s always bothered Feyre that Nesta won’t do the same.
Feyre continues, “I admit I’m not the best at understanding Nesta. Elain and I get along fine now, but Nesta…” Feyre meets her eyes. “It’s like nothing we do is enough for her, but for some reason I can’t stop trying.”
“Whose fault is that?” Nesta mutters.
“You want her approval,” Lana hums, taking notes.
“Is that what it is?” Feyre looks away.
Nesta refrains from saying yes, that’s exactly what it is, and it’s not my problem if you keep looking for something I can’t give.
“What are your feelings about that, Nesta?” Lana turns her focus to her. “Remember that this is a safe space.”
It really isn’t, not with two siblings holding long term grudges against Nesta. But once and for all, she’s going to set the record straight. “I spent most of my life being a bad sister.” Nesta’s voice is apathetic, straightforward. “I let Feyre take the burden of providing for us even though I was the oldest, and I didn’t know how to be anything other than cruel to my family. So once I had the means to do so, I cut everyone off for all of our sakes. I still don’t regret it, because being a stranger is better than being a bad sister.”
In that way, Nesta is a bit like her mother. Nesta was angry after her death, but she knows she would have been even angrier if Magdalene Archeron had lived and continued to be a disappointing parent. In that way, both of them are wise for leaving their families when they did.
“Or you could just be a good sister,” Elain interrupts with a drawl.
Nesta smirks bitterly at her. “I’d rather die.”
Feyre takes in a breath. “Why? Why are you like that with us?” She blinks furiously, and Nesta can see the simmer of her emotions. “It was okay when we thought you hated everybody, but you don’t. You only hate me and Elain.”
Nesta looks to Lana for help, but her therapist is sitting this one out. She sighs through her nose. “I don’t hate you,” she says, even though they might never understand. The next line comes with great difficulty. “I’ve loved you since before I even knew what love was. But I don’t like you very much, Feyre, and you don’t like me, either. Please stop trying to change that.”
When she finally meets Feyre’s eyes, though, they’re glimmering with tears. “How can I stop trying to change that?” Feyre whispers. “How can I give up on us like that?”
For Nesta to give Feyre and Elain the relationship they want from her would require nothing but lies on her part. And as much as she wishes she was capable of lying about this, she can’t do it.
Looking away and down at her hands, Nesta mutters, “It’s not fun for me either, but it’s how I am. I can’t be easy or friendly with you. I hate watching you try to make me be easy or friendly.”
Nobody says anything to that, but when Nesta looks up again Lana gives her a remote nod that Feyre and Elain don’t catch. Thank you for your vulnerability, it says.
“You said something interesting, Nesta,” Lana breaks the silence. “Did you see your sisters as your responsibility to raise?”
Nesta shrugs. “I was the oldest,” she repeats.
“Your father was the oldest.”
“He wouldn’t do shit even if you held a gun to his head, so I was up next.” Though Nesta hadn’t done shit either. Neither had Elain, but the rules have always been different for her. Elain redeems herself to others by handing out sunny smiles and pretending to have the intelligence of a fawn.
Lana stares at Nesta until Nesta’s skin starts to heat. “What?” she says defensively.
Ignoring the other two women in the room, Lana leans forward. “You told me once early into our relationship that part of the reason you left Tennessee was to get away from your sisters. You said you were heartbroken when they ended up following you here.”
Nesta doesn’t breathe or look to see her sisters’ reactions.
“Now I’m going to ask: did you really want to get away from your sisters, or did you want to escape the feeling of failing them?”
Nesta doesn’t know how to answer, because to her they might as well be the same thing. Having Feyre and Elain around is like having a weight tied to her chest. The lingering guilt every time Feyre is in a room, her existence screaming I’m the reason you’re still alive. Elain’s constant expectations of unconditional support and loyalty, whether it’s reciprocated or not. It’s all so heavy. And it all goes back to the fact that the three of them were once just helpless children.
If she couldn’t take care of her sisters, how is she supposed to take care of any child, ever?
Nesta releases a weary sigh. “You’re going to bring this up the next time we have the baby talk, aren’t you?”
Lana’s eyes sparkle. “Don’t get ahead of yourself just yet.” But Nesta can see from where she sits that her therapist’s notepad is covered in bullet points.
***
“I need to use the bathroom.” Feyre is hopping back and forth on her feet once the session is over. “You guys head down to the parking lot without me.” She exits in a rush, leaving the two sisters alone. Nesta hisses in frustration, nearly chasing after Feyre so she won’t have to face the inevitable awkward conversation with Elain.
By the end of the session, it was Elain that broke and pleaded with Nesta, “Don’t do everything we want, then. Just keep doing better, the way you’ve already been doing. I’ll be happy with just that.”
Nesta was surprised that Elain had even noticed her efforts, but she retorted, “And how do you plan to do better?”
To which Elain twirled her hair and murmured something halfheartedly about, “I might be more open to taking criticism or whatever.”
Though it was the absolute bare minimum, it was still a relief for Nesta to hear Elain admit that she has flaws worth criticizing.
Now, Nesta clutches the straps of her purse and turns for the stairwell leading to the parking lot. Elain follows without comment.
Inside the stairwell, Nesta asks, “Have you spoken to Azriel since he left Velaris?”
Elain looks surprised at the sudden question, and doesn’t remember to be guarded when she answers, “No. Why?”
Nesta shrugs, her heels thumping loudly on the linoleum stairs. “Because I know what happened between you two. I know why he left.”
Elain halts midstep, grabbing Nesta’s arm and turning to face her with wide eyes. “What do you mean, you know? He told you?”
“He told Cassian, and Cassian told me.” Nesta hardly cares that she’s being a poor friend to Azriel by spilling all this to Elain, and continues, “If I had known he was such a coward, I would have kicked him out of our place a long time ago… but I figured I would get your input on it first.”
She’s never seen Elain look so genuinely pleading before. “Get my input on what?” Elain breathes. “What did he say about me? Was it something I did?”
At that torn face that borders on heartbroken, Nesta decides that she’ll do more than kick Azriel out of the cabin. She’ll kick him off the whole mountain.
She shoves Elain’s back to get Elain detached from her and moving down the stairs again, and as they walk, Nesta spills everything she knows. She tells Elain about Rhysand’s talent of shoving his nose into places it doesn’t belong, and how one conversation with him managed to convince Azriel to ditch Elain for good. She tells her about how instead of having a straightforward conversation with Elain, Azriel chose to leave the city and hide out in the mountains like a pussy. She might sound blunt, but Elain needs blunt. She needs to know the unfiltered truth of things.
By the time they reach the floor where their cars are parked, Elain is silent. “Did he really say that?” she finally asks quietly. “He said he wants me to hate him?”
“That’s what I heard.” After a moment, Nesta feels the need to add, “You should hate him, though. He fucked up bad.”
When Elain continues strolling for their cars without replying, concern bites at Nesta. “You are mad at him, right? And mad at Rhysand? You’re not going to forgive them, right?”
“I’m not a total pushover,” Elain snaps. She stares at the cement ground as they walk. “I’m just… more disappointed than anything else. He gave up so easily.” She chuckles without humor. “It sounds like he was looking for an excuse to get away from me.”
Nesta frowns. “I don’t think he would’ve spent so long moping around our house if he wanted to leave you.” Though they can never truly know what Azriel was thinking or feeling until he grows a pair and talks to Elain. Still, she shudders at having to defend him.
“I take it he doesn’t mope anymore?” Elain says.
Nesta doesn’t know how to answer that truthfully. She knows there’s more to Azriel than he lets her and Cassian see, and she knows he’s gotten better at keeping his feelings to himself. So she says, “It looks like he’s doing better, but I really don’t know.” They reach Elain’s car.
“Were you in love with him?” Nesta suddenly asks. Or worse, is she still in love with him?
Elain digs around for her keys in her purse. “You know how I am. Of course I was.”
“Not anymore, though?”
Elain looks up, keys now in hand. “It’s hard to still feel love for someone I haven’t talked to in two months.”
Then it wasn’t real love. Nesta is relieved, even though it doesn’t change the fact that Elain is hurting either way.
Elain jabs her keys at Nesta and says sharply, “Don’t you dare punish him for what he did. That’s for me to decide on.”
Nesta’s brow creases in refusal. “I’ll do what I need to do, and you do you.” She’ll have to be careful with her plotting, though, considering Azriel is Cassian’s brother.
“No.” Elain surprises Nesta with the force in her tone. “He’s your roommate and your friend. Keep treating him like it.”
Elain makes it sound easier than it is, and Nesta wants to argue until she sees Feyre heading down the parking lot toward them. “Fine,” she grumbles halfheartedly.
Elain gives her one final long look, not of threat but something else. “Thank you—for inviting us today.” That’s all she says before getting in the driver’s seat of her little red car. At the same time, Feyre catches up to them.
“Where are you parked?” Feyre pants as she approaches Nesta. She sounds a bit out of breath, like she ran to get here before Nesta could drive off alone.
Nesta points down the lot to where her scrappy old car is waiting for her, and Feyre straightens up with a grim smile. “I’ll walk you.”
Nesta knows that arguing isn’t worth it, so she allows Feyre to trail her the rest of the way to her car. Once they reach the old thing, Nesta gives a curt goodbye and heads straight for the driver’s door. Before she can touch the handle, Feyre attacks her from behind with a hug.
“Get off me, freak!” Nesta tries to jostle her way out of Feyre’s arms. She tries being nice to her sisters one time and this is what she gets—
Feyre only squeezes her tighter. “You don’t have to hug back. Just let me love you my way.”
Nesta squirms for another second before stilling. Swallowing tightly, she stares at the reflection of herself and Feyre in the car door window. One of her hands goes to where Feyre’s hands are clasped around her stomach, and she stands there without moving. She can’t remember the last time she shared affection with a family member like this, but it must have been before their mother died.
The warmth at Nesta’s back doesn’t leave, like Feyre is trying to pour all her understanding into the hug. Silently saying, I’m finally starting to get it.
In a way, Nesta is starting to get it, too. After all, how do sisters with such a complicated history begin to forgive each other?
Not by apologizing, but by doing better in the future.
***
On her way home, Nesta remembers at the last minute to stop by Gwyn’s apartment to pick up one of her sweaters. She doesn’t know when Gwyn started raiding her closet like it was a free mall, but she has a school event next week and doesn’t plan on letting her nicest clothes rot at Gwyn’s forever.
Nesta enters using the key beneath the doormat, knowing Gwyn is at work and won’t mind her stopping by. She scans the living and dining areas for a glimpse of brown cashmere, but only finds scattered books and a disorganized mess. Her fingers twitch with the urge to stop and tidy up the place, but she continues hunting for the sweater. Gwyn promised it would be waiting in plain sight for her.
Realizing the scatter-brained girl probably forgot to put the sweater out for her, Nesta pauses in the hallway leading to Gwyn’s bedroom and bites her lip. She doesn’t know if bedrooms are off limits or not, considering how often Gwyn and Emerie have barged into hers, but she knows she doesn’t want to make a second trip here just for a sweater.
Without giving it further thought, she strides into Gwyn’s room—
And yelps to find Gwyn on the bed.
Except she isn’t alone, and there’s definitely another body under the dark green blanket with her, and whoever it is definitely has their head between her legs.
Nesta spins away at the same time she hears Gwyn’s cry of surprise. She braces one hand against the doorjamb and presses the other to her freezing cold face, not having any words for what she just saw.
“Nesta?” Gwyn calls from behind her. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Um, have you seen my sweater? It’s the expensive one.” She’ll just grab it and leave. Or maybe she’ll just leave—yes, that sounds like a good idea.
“Nesta?” a new, deeper voice repeats.
Gwyn hisses, and Nesta freezes because she recognizes that voice. She wants to be wrong so badly, but she has to whirl back around to confirm for herself.
“Azriel?”
***
a/n: i decided to cut this chapter short and add an extra one to flesh out my silly little gwynriel subplot. so if there’s anything specific or random you wanna see happen in the next chapter tell me bc i might have space for prompts!!
tagging: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @wannawriteyouabook a favor: @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes @readiajin @nessiantrashh @live-the-fangirl-life @ifinallygavein @xoblivisci @sjmships @jungtaekwoonie-is-life @lysandra-tiara @lanyjoy-13 @frosted-crackers @post-it-notes33 @loosingdreams @fromthelibraryofemilyj @18moneytoad @dontgetsalmonella @champanheandluxxury @togreblog @arinbelle @ladygabrielli1997 @meridainthedisneyland @moodymelanist @pixieelea
237 notes
·
View notes
Note
eve you have been killing the content game lately!!! I have a suggestion for the team to do the cut video where someone guesses their starsigns!!
This was a really interesting fic to write, since I know next to nothing about astrology! It’s also the longest I’ve spent researching for a fic--I will apologize in advance for any errors I made. All the birthdays/ signs came from Haz’s page (@lumosinlove) and SW credit belongs to her! Hope you enjoy <3
Marlene was practically bouncing as the video began. “Welcome back to Lion Pride, everyone! I’m Marlene McKinnon, and I can’t tell you how excited I am for today’s video. Would you like to introduce yourself, Elaine?”
An older woman with her graying hair piled in a bun waved to the camera. “Hello! My name is Elaine, and I’ve been studying astrology for about forty years now.”
“We’re so glad to have to here! Today’s video is going to be a guessing game with some of our Lions players, where you ask them a few questions and then match their zodiac signs.” Marlene handed her a small pile of cardboard signs with strings tied to the tops.
“Oh, this is going to be fun.” Elaine adjusted her reading glasses and flipped through the zodiac cards. “I’ve never done anything like this officially, though it’s a bit of a hobby when I people-watch. Ms. McKinnon, would I be correct in assuming you’re a Leo?”
Marlene’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “Uh, yeah, actually.”
Elaine nodded. “I thought so. Alright, where do I start?”
Marlene waved off-screen and seven young men walked in, lining up in a semi-circle behind them. “Take it away, Elaine.”
As Marlene disappeared behind the camera again, Elaine scanned the group. “This is very interesting,” she muttered. “You all play on the same team, yes?”
“We do,” James said.
Elaine’s lips twitched into a smile and she beckoned him forward. “Are you the team captain, then?”
“No,” he laughed. “Assistant captain, though. I’m James.”
“Nice to meet you, James. Were you popular in high school?”
James paused for a moment. “Yeah, I think so. I’ve always been pretty friendly and hockey helped with that.”
“You’re confident, and you don’t like sitting still.” She tapped her chin and gave him a once-over. “Can I take a look at your ears?”
“My ears?” James blinked at her, clearly surprised, but obliged and leaned down to her level.
Elaine made a noncommittal noise. “Ears say a lot about a person. Capricorns often have more vertical ears, but yours are quite round. You strike me as an Aries.”
James hung the sign over his neck and headed back to the line with a smile. “She just called you annoying,” Finn teased, giving him a nudge.
“Oh, no, Aries’ can be lovely people once they mature.” Elaine tilted her head and motioned to Finn. “Could you step up to the plate, dear?”
“Sure thing.” Finn kept his hands in his pockets, but straightened up a bit and rocked on his toes as he took James’ place. “My name’s Finn.”
“You’re certainly a fire sign,” Elaine laughed. “But you’re not quite an Aries. Are you a generally upfront person?”
“Pretty much.”
“What did you want to be as a kid?”
Finn smiled. “Anything where I could be around people.”
She nodded. “I thought so. Are you in a relationship?”
“Yeah, with those two.” Leo and Logan waved and Elaine’s smile widened.
“You’re a Leo, and a lucky one at that.” She carefully slid the sign over his head and patted his shoulder. “Good for you. Could the young man in the black jacket come up next?”
“I’m Sirius, it’s nice to meet you.” He shook her hand before taking a step back.
“Nice to meet you, too. You’re the captain, right?”
He glanced at the camera, surprised. “Uh, yes.”
“Well, you certainly could be another fire sign, but there’s something different…” She trailed off and drummed her fingers on the stack of zodiac cards. “Are you friends with our lovely Aries over there?”
“I’m the godfather to his son.”
Elaine held her hand over her heart. “Oh, that’s so sweet. You’re not another Aries or Leo, then. How much do you value your privacy?”
Sirius snorted. “A lot.”
“Are you in a relationship?”
He held his left hand up with a slight smile and inclined his head toward Remus. “Engaged for about six months.”
“Point him out for me, please.” Elaine kept her eyes on Sirius as he pointed toward Remus, then turned to the camera crew. “Did you all see that?”
Sirius frowned slightly. “See what?”
“You’ve been so tense and focused, but your whole face opened up when you looked toward him. I’m going to guess you’re a Scorpio.” She surveyed the group as Sirius returned to his place, then beckoned to Leo. “You have the prettiest eyes!”
“Oh, thank you.” He blushed slightly. “I’m Leo.”
“It’s lovely to meet you, Leo. Do you believe in astrology?”
He shook his head. “Not really. I think it’s neat, though. Stars are cool.”
“Good. You’re young, and I’m glad you’re not letting it dictate your life.” She scrutinized his face for a moment. “Turn sideways, please. There are certain face shapes that are more common than others for specific signs…if we had an argument, would you apologize to me?”
Leo smiled slightly. “Depends on what it was about. I’m not very confrontational in the first place.”
“So you like keeping things equal?”
“I do, yeah. As you can probably tell, I’m not big on making hard decisions,” he laughed.
She smiled and shuffled through the cards. “I think you’re a Libra, but this was the hardest one yet. Which one is your boyfriend again? Not the Leo.” Her face brightened. “Ha! Leo with a Leo!”
Finn’s face split into a wide grin and Leo groaned. “Oh, god, he’s never going to let that go.”
Logan was still laughing a bit when he walked over. “Bonjour, I’m Logan.”
“Oh, this makes lots of sense.” Elaine looked between the three of them and nodded. “Are you a hothead?”
“Usually.”
“What sets you off?”
Logan exhaled slowly as he thought. “Most fights on the ice come from people pushing me or my friends around. I’m not one of those weird angry guys, though. There’s always a reason.”
“I bet there is.” Elaine laughed a little. “What are your thoughts on liars?”
He made a face. “Nothing good ever comes from lying.”
Elaine hung the ‘Sagittarius’ sign over his head. “If you’re not a Sagittarius, I need to find a new career. Could the Scorpio’s fiancé come up here?”
In his thick sweater and blue jeans, Remus was the polar opposite of Sirius. “My name’s Remus.”
“You are a sweetheart,” Elaine said with a laugh. “Oh my goodness, no wonder he got all mushy! Have you always played hockey?”
“I was supposed to be drafted out of college, but I got injured and became a physical therapist for six years instead. That’s how I met the rest of the guys.”
“Interesting.” She bit her lip. “Why did you choose physical therapy?”
He shrugged. “I wanted to stay close to hockey and help people. It was tough, but it made me happy.”
“Would you say people underestimate you on the ice?”
Remus hummed in thought. “I don’t know. I’m not a big guy, but I’m fast.”
“Well, all your friends are nodding behind you.”
“What?” He turned and they all hid their smiles in their hands. “Guys!”
“They do!” James defended. “Literally everyone we play against underestimates you!”
“Let’s say we get in an argument. Would you apologize to me?” Elaine asked.
Remus raised an eyebrow. “That depends. Was I right?”
“Yeah, you’re a Pisces.” She handed him the card, smiling. “Congratulations on the engagement. We only have one left, correct?”
Kasey shook her hand as he walked up. “I’m Kasey.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Kasey. Do you believe in the zodiac?”
“Nope,” he said. “But my girlfriend does, and she has cool necklaces and stuff.”
“You don’t strike me as a hothead.”
He shrugged. “I’m a goalie. It doesn’t usually come with the job description, but I’d take the gloves off for my friends.”
She flipped through a few of the cards. “You care deeply for them, then?”
“Absolutely. They’re basically my family by this point.”
Elaine hesitated. “This is a tough one. I’m going to go with Taurus, but I’m not one hundred percent sure. Are you patient?”
“With some people, sure. It varies.” Behind him, the others were stifling their laughter. Elaine gave them a look, but hung the Taurus card over his head.
“Alright, that’s everyone,” Marlene said as Kasey rejoined the group. “Raise your hand if she guessed you correctly.”
Five hands went up; only Leo and Kasey stayed still. Elaine clapped her hands happily. “Oh, I didn’t do too badly!”
Marlene ushered them into a line. “So, Elaine, how did you know James was an Aries?”
“He’s just…” She waved a hand in her air. “He’s very confident, though I feel like he’s matured over the past few years. Something big happened in your life that settled you down, right?”
“My son was born just over a year ago,” he said. “That definitely toned me down.”
“Thank god for that.” Finn muttered, giving him a playful nudge. James smacked the back of his head with a grin as he walked to the end of the line.
“It’s a good thing you’ve got your boyfriends,” Elaine said. “Leo’s often struggle with their identity when they’re younger, so it’s wonderful to see you’ve figured things out a bit.”
Finn blinked, dumbstruck. “Am I that much of an open book?”
“Yes,” the other six chorused. He paused for a moment, nodded, and made room for Sirius to step forward.
“Ah, I knew it!” She beamed at him. “Scorpio and Pisces are very compatible.”
“So we’ve been told,” Sirius laughed.
“You’re the hopeless romantic, aren’t you? Making up for lost time?” At his shocked expression, she her smile became gentle. “That’s usually how it goes. Don’t be afraid to be soft, okay?”
“Okay.” He hesitated a moment longer before joining Finn and James at the end of the line; James touched his elbow in solidarity while Leo walked forward.
“Oh, an Aquarius!” Elaine’s eyebrows rose. “I should’ve guessed. Well, that’s a good thing. You’ll be a good counterbalance for the reactive parts of Leos and Sags.”
“Thanks.” He looked faintly amused. “Can I blame Finn’s puns on his zodiac sign?”
She laughed. “Yes, absolutely.”
“It’s good to know there’s a reason for it,” Logan said as he took Leo’s place. “You guessed me pretty fast.”
“You were bluntly honest.” She shrugged. “Sags can be difficult to narrow down, but you fit right in for all the good parts.”
Elaine smiled when Remus stepped up. “You seemed really certain about me,” he said.
“You’re the most Pisces to ever Pisces, dear.”
“Really?”
She nodded. “You’re kind, but I don’t think you take any shit either.” At the back of the line, Sirius barked a laugh. “Oh, and he agrees!”
“He better!” Remus grinned back at him.
Elaine gasped when Kasey held up his new sign. “Really?”
He shrugged. “My girlfriend is a Taurus and some of that might have rubbed off on me.”
“Does she have a big personality?”
“Definitely.”
“Wow.” She gave him a quick once over. “There were some parts of Sagittarius that came through, but you were a tough one.”
“It’s the goalie face,” James called from the back of the line.
“Sorry,” Kasey said. “It’s a habit.”
“No, no, that’s alright.” She stared at him for a second longer before shaking her head. “You’re much softer than most of the Sags I’ve met. It’s hard to believe you and the Energizer Bunny back there share the same sign.”
“Did you have fun, Elaine?” Marlene asked as she collected the zodiac cards.
“I had a wonderful time, thank you so much for inviting me!”
Marlene smiled at the camera . “Thanks for watching, everyone. Be sure to like and subscribe for more Lion Pride content!”
221 notes
·
View notes
Text
In-Laws Being In-Laws (Re-upload)
Hiii!
So, this is basically an old fic, which I deleted from my other account ( @dawniebb ) and was requested to be uploaded again.
This feels like a lifetime ago afgshjka, but I remember it was written for a Renegades content swap event, and it was for @healing-winston-pratt (hello, wifey!). The prompt was, basically, Nova and one of the Renegays being in-laws, and it was super fun to write! <3
If anyone’s reading this: Hi, you’re a beautiful human being, and I love you <3
In-Laws Being In-Laws
Dear Dread Warden,
I am not quite sure you will get this message because it is been a while since I last used my communicator but, in case you do: I hope you are having a nice morning.
The reason I am writing you this is that, as you must already be aware, right now Sketch and his teammates are taking part in the Annual Renegade Convention as special guests to be awarded for their heroic participation in the Second Battle for Gatlon. Hence, they are out of town. Due to my temporary resignation from the team, I declined the offer to attend the event and, for instance, to receive an award. This means that, unlike theirs, my routine remains the same as usual.
Unfortunately, I must see my therapist for my weekly appointment in two hours, and after that I will have to go to the supermarket to pick up some groceries and essential items. Under normal circumstances, given the nature of my relationship with Sketch, he would have driven me to the supermarket and then back to my apartment, as it happens to be located sort of far from the store and it could be pretty difficult for me to walk while carrying all those bags. However, as mentioned before, these are not normal circumstances and Sketch is not currently available.
I reach out to you with no intention to cause trouble; for instance, if I happen to be asking too much or disrupting your schedule (As I am conscious you are a busy person) and you consider you will not be able to help me, I assure you I completely understand. But: Could you pick me up from my therapist's office and take me to the supermarket afterwards?
I apologize for the inconvenience and I promise I will make sure this does not happen again. In addition, I also apologize for the alliteration in the greeting at the beginning of this message. I did not know whether you wanted to be acknowledged by your real name or your alias.
Sincerely,
Insomnia.
-.-
Hi, Insomnia!!!
So nice to see you!... Or should I say read you! Ha! It's been so long, it almost feels like an eternity! I hope therapy is going great! (We're all really proud of you!)
It doesn't bother me at all, sweetheart; of course I'll help you with that. Could you share the location of your therapist's office, please?
Oh, and also: What time do you want me to be there? (Not that I have anything to do today, I just want to be on time).
I'm excited to see you! Can I take you to eat something afterwards? How does that sound?
Take care!
(Agh. I forgot these things don't actually allow you to write your real name).
-S i m o n.
(Better).
-.-
He spotted Nova way before parking. She was sitting on a bench outside the building, staring anxiously at her phone. The body language of a nervous person.
Simon stopped the car right in front of where she was, and when she realized he was already here, Nova jumped out of her seat as if it had burned her skin, before jogging in an awkward manner towards the car.
Once she was inside, Simon couldn't help but feel a twinge in his stomach. He wasn't lying when he told her he was excited to see her. In fact, he was more than excited, and he had to hold himself back pretty hard to avoid hugging her, because it was evident she didn't want to be hugged right now, for she just directed a tiny smile at him and said:
"Hi."
She was the same Nova he had met some time ago, but at the same time she was different; she was wearing sneakers, skinny jeans and a basic white v-neck shirt; her hair was a little longer, too, to the point she could tie it in a cute little ponytail; Simon could tell she wasn’t wearing any makeup, but still her face looked healthier than before; less tired, with smaller under-eye dark circles and lips covered in chapstick. Finally.
She looked alive. More than before.
“Hi.” He finally responded.
Watching people get better was always satisfactory, but watching Nova get better was different. He had grown to appreciate her, since the very first moment he saw her with Adrian; since the very first moment he spoke to her and saw nothing but utter heartbreak in her eyes. Nova was hurting, and any sensitive person would’ve noticed that. So, watching her get better was a touching experience for him.
“You look so…”
Nova interrupted him almost immediately.
“I know. I...I barely had time to fix my hair. Gosh. It’s so uncomfortable and I want to cut it but I haven’t had time. I…”
“Oh, no, no, no! Your hair looks gorgeous! “ He chuckled, although he was confused by her reaction. “I was gonna say you look really good. Really, really good. The ponytail looks great on you.”
Nova gulped as she adjusted said ponytail.
“Oh.” She muttered in a hoarse voice. “...Well...Thank you. I thought…”
“No, no.” Simon waved his hand. “You look great. How.... how are you?”
She seemed to be processing the question, even though it was not that difficult.
“I’m…” Nova cleared her throat. “I’m doing great. How are you? How’s ...life going?”
“Absolutely great!” Simon smiled, clapping his hands together. “Things at home are great. You know, Hugh’s not currently here due to the Annual Renegade Convention. Adrian’s not here either (for sure, you already know about that) and Max…”
“Max went too, yeah.” Nova smiled. Her eyes seemed to brighten to the mention of Max’s name. Adrian had mentioned this fact about her a couple of times: Nova was fond of children. And even if she wasn’t, she had a tendency to protect and care about them. Since she had this type of strong personality, Hugh refused to recognize that as a truth, but Simon had no trouble believing it.
It was adorable.
“He called me when he got the invitation. He was eager to go.” She continued. “Which doesn’t surprise me. I...It’s his first time travelling, right?”
“Oh, yeah.” Responded Simon. “We’re planning to go on vacation this year. Because, you know, the convention’s being held not too far away from Gatlon and sadly he’s probably gonna get bored.”
“Bored?” Nova shifted herself in the seat, awkwardly. “Why?”
“Well...those conventions are...well, conventions.” Simon shrugged, smiling at her. “There are a lot of speeches, one after the other and, sure, the guests that represent Gatlon can skip some of them, but others are mandatory and they’re like 2 hours long and it’s so boring and…”
Nova hissed, grimacing, to which Simon nodded in agreement.
“I’m glad I didn’t have to go.” He admitted. “Though I do wanted to be there when Adrian and Max received their award. Too sad.”
Nova tried to speak a couple of times, until she finally had found the correct words to said her thoughts out loud.
“Why...why didn’t you go, then?”
“About that.” Simon chuckled. “Tamaya is going to be there too, as a speaker. And she’s also receiving an award. So...somebody had to take care of the Headquarters and Kasumi and I were left with that responsibility. However, it’s been pretty peaceful, as you may have noticed.”
“I have.” Nova nodded. “Not that I...go out very much, but yeah. Things have been calm.”
“People are behaving for once. And it’s awesome.” he sighed.
Then they stayed in silence. For a while.
Nova stared out the window, avoiding eye contact, while Simon whistled as he tapped his fingers on the wheel.
Not a word. No small talk.
Nothing.
“Sooooo…” Said Simon. “Shall we go?”
“Perhaps we should.” Nova said, immediately, as a flash of relief crossed her face.
So Simon smiled at her once again as he turned on the engine, while Nova put on her seatbelt next to him.
-.-
It took her so little time to come back Simon confirmed she was one of those people who would strategically write their shopping list so they wouldn’t be going back and forth through the aisles. It also surprised him that, being a person so young, she was so...focused on everything.
She really had only bought groceries and essential items. No junk food. No silly things she swore she would need and then she didn’t. Not even candy from the checkout area.
Simon hurried himself out of the car to help her put the bags in the trunk, but once she saw him and guessed his intentions, she quickly said:
“It’s okay. I can do it.”
“I know you can.” He clarified. Because, well, she indeed was a strong person. “But maybe you could use some help. That’s...a couple of bags.”
“Yeah. I know.” Nova nodded, already carrying the first two of the bags. “But I can do it. Please. I’m already causing you too much trouble.”
Simon was yet again confused by her reaction, and he tried to talk to her about it. But just like Nova looked like she didn’t want to be hugged right now, she also looked like she didn’t want to talk about it right now.
So he just opened the trunk for her and held it in case it would go down by its own. It had never happened, but just to be sure. Sometimes Simon’s anxiety made him overanalyze some situations.
Less than 10 minutes had passed by the time Nova finished putting all her stuff in the car, Simon figured she was still training, since she was as agile and fast as she was the day she notified them she would be taking some time off from the team and the Renegades in general.
They got in the car again, and before the silence could get as uncomfortable as the previous one, Simon took the initiative to speak.
“I think...you forgot to answer a part of my message.” He said, carefully. “You know...the part where I told you that maybe we could...go to a restaurant or something?”
Nova’s face, ears and neck turned so red she became a human-shaped cherry, and although in other circumstances he would’ve considered it adorable, this time he couldn’t help but feel sympathy for her. He had been there and done that many times; the messages Nova had sent were peak odd. The type of messages one would overthink over and over again because they had to be perfect. And if something, anything sounded off after you sent it, your world would be in shambles.
So he just smiled to assure it was okay. That he didn’t mind. That those messages didn’t have to be so formal in the first place.
And that, obviously, didn’t work.
For his experience, it never did.
“I...I...Yeah.” Nova scratched her brow. “Pretty much I...I...can recall not knowing how to word that so I just left it blank and I...must’ve forgotten to…”
“Nova.” Simon said, softly. “It’s okay. I don’t mind.”
“Did I...offend you or something?”
“Absolutely no!” He said. “Why would you think that? It’s just a slip. I know it wasn’t your intention and to be honest I still want to take you to eat something so...yeah, there’s no reason to get weird about this. There’s no need to worry.”
Nova took a deep, hasty breath. She was flustered, son Simon tried to keep her calm; to make her feel like she was in a safe environment.
Why wouldn’t she be, in the first place?
She was his son’s girlfriend.
Why would he want to hurt her or make her feel bad?
“Nova, darling.” He said again. “Do you have something on your mind?”
“I do.” Nova cleared her throat, crossing her arms over her chest. “I don’t really...can eat out right now. I barely manage to afford my groceries, you know? It’s been…”
“But you’re not gonna pay your own bill. I mean, why would you do that?” Simon raised an eyebrow at her, genuinely confused, but still laughing nervously. Sweet rot, who had hurt this child so much? “ I’m the one who’s taking you to eat. You wouldn’t have to…”
“You don’t have to either!” She snapped. Not mad, but rather distressed, while breathing heavily.
Simon went still, afraid he would make it worse. Still, he couldn’t leave it like that, so he gulped and, once he reunited enough courage, he dared to speak again.
“What’s really on your mind, Nova?” He asked, this time in a more soothing voice. Nova’s whole being went red again, but the shadow of confusion in her expression was noticeable and hard to ignore. For this reason, Simon decided to provide some kind of scaffolding.
“For example: Why would you write a message that is directed to me in such a formal way?” He asked, patiently. “Why would you ask me to pick you up as if you were asking me to help you commit a crime? Why would you act so uncomfortable around me when it’s not the first time that we’ve met? Why would you…?”
“Because it’s you.” Nova answered, avoiding eye contact.
And he expected that answer, yes. But, at the same time, he expected to understand the statement once it slipped out of her mouth.
However, he didn’t.
“Can you elaborate?” He requested.
Nova clicked her tongue as she rubbed her neck, staring at the dash right in front of her.
“...I can disappear if you want me to. Would that make you feel more comfortable?”
“No. No, no.” Nova nodded, waving her hands, finally looking at him. “That won’t be necessary.”
“Then...would you tell me what’s wrong?”
Nova thought about it. She squirmed in her seat. Gulped. Coughed. Squirmed again.
Then, playing with her own hands, she spoke.
“...I’m ashamed.”
“Ashamed of what…?” Simon tilted his head to the side. “Ashamed of who…? What exactly are you ashamed of? ...Dating Adrian?”
Nova flinched.
“I would never.”
A spark of pride illuminated his thoughts and his insides in general, but Simon tried to pay little attention to it.
“I’m just...ashamed. Of everything.” Nova said, sighing. “I…”
And she cut herself in the middle of the phrase, realizing that once again she wouldn’t be able to finish it.
Simon didn’t realize he was frowning until he felt the muscles of his face slowly giving in. He understood.
And he knew that anything that had happened during the Second Battle for Gatlon had been her fault. She might have contributed in some way but, at the end of the day, she was just a child.
A very confused and manipulated child who just needed someone to listen without twisting her words as they pleased.
“...I just think that...if I were you I wouldn’t like me either.” She wasn’t crying, nor did she sound like she was about to any time soon. There was so much resignation in her voice that her words weighted as much as a giant rock. “Hugh gave me his blessing to...you know, date Adrian…”
“I can recall giving you my blessing too.”
Nova tripped on her own words.
“I mean, you did. You both did.” She said. “But still… It’s because… because you want him to be happy. And I get it. I really do. And I understand because, like I said, I wouldn’t like me either...I know I am loved. I know I matter for some people...but I also know I did...bad things, and I carry this sort of cursed last name…”
She stopped and breathed for a second before continuing.
“And I…” She finally looked at him. “I get it. You don’t have to pretend you like me, after all that happened. After I stole stuff from your house; infiltrated into your system; caused a terrorist attack...You really don’t have to pretend.”
Simon blinked, and if it wasn’t for her specific and controlled body language, he would’ve thought she was making excuses or even joking.
But Nova was telling the truth.
And it was heartbreaking.
“Perhaps you should think outside the box and picture a scenario in which you realize we’re not pretending.” That’s the only thing he said.
“Perhaps you should realize that we love you and you matter to us.” He reached for her hand and softly touched her knuckles. Her hands were shaking. “And that, yes, we want Adrian to be happy, but we also want you to be happy.”
Nova’s eyes seemed to be covered in crystals, but she remained in silence.
“You’re part of this family now, Nova.” He smiled. “And I’m sorry, but you’ll have to deal with that.”
Nova sniffed, swallowing, while lacing her hand into Simon’s.
“Artino and everything?” She muttered.
“Artino it’s not what defines you.” Simon chuckled. “You’re Nova. Just Nova... And we’re really proud of you. Not ashamed.”
She smiled back at him, wordless, and Simon gave her a quick handshake before putting his hands around the wheel.
Because even now, that her walls were crumbling right before her eyes, she didn’t look like someone who wanted to be hugged at the moment, and he accepted and respected that.
“I was planning to take you to my favorite restaurant, but maybe we can prepare a homemade meal instead?” He suggested. “You know? In-laws being in-laws? … Not to brag, but I make the best lemon pie in the world.”
Nova chuckled. Relaxed.
Happy.
“Sounds great.” She said, nodding.
“Excellent.” Simon turned on the engine.
“Let’s go home.”
#renegades trilogy#marissa meyer#dawnie writes#Simon Westwood#The Dread Warden#Nova Artino#Insomnia#Dawnie re-uploads saga#i love being a clown#no nomás tengo la cara de pendeja también soy JAJAJAJAJAJAJAAJAJAJA#this was before hcttr ruined my life#good times
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hate is a Strong Word (Bucky Barnes)
Summary: Bucky x Y/N attends a therapy session after a mission gone wrong. You both love getting on each other’s nerves and after warnings from the rest of the Avengers, you don’t listen.
A/N: I've had this fic in my drafts for like two months and I don't know why I haven't posted it so here it is. Hope you enjoy it. Also, requests are open so If you have a fic in mind feel free to send it.
Ever since you joined the avengers you’ve always gotten along with everyone except with the one and only Bucky Barnes. You two were complete opposites, Bucky was very reserved and only really opened up to certain people while you were outgoing and loved to talk. When Bucky was under Hydra’s control, he was tasked to assassinate a man who threatened Hydra but your parents were killed in the crossfire. They were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. Nobody aside from Steve and Tony knew you knew about Bucky killing your parents. Despite knowing that you didn’t hold it against Bucky because he wasn’t himself.
After a mission gone wrong due to you two bickering, you ended up in therapy with Bucky. Tony thought it would be a good idea to clear the air between you two and make sure nothing like what happened, happened again. You and Bucky really didn’t want to do it but it wasn’t like you had any other choice. So there you were, sitting next to each other in a very dull room with a woman sitting across from you.
“Y/N, Bucky, I am Dr. Raynor. I will be your therapist. So tell me why you’re here today?”
As you prepared for your mission, Nat and Wanda came into your room. “Ready?” Wanda asked as they took a seat on your bed.
“Yeah, almost just a few more things,” you responded as you rummaged through your drawers.
“Are you and Barnes going to be okay?” Nat asked raising her brow
“What do you mean?” you asked confused
“Look, we've all noticed your hostility towards each other. It can go either two ways, you end up dead or between the sheets,” the read head raised her brow giving you a knowing look.
“First of all eww, I would never. Second of all, I’m not an idiot. We may argue a lot but we don’t let that get in between the job,” You responded with a serious look on your face
“Okay, if you say so,” she said, not believing you. Before you had a chance to respond, F.R.I.D.A.Y spoke over the intercom.
“Ms. y/l/n, Mr. Barnes would like to know if you are ready to go?”
“Can you tell him I need ten more minutes,” you responded, taking the opportunity to get him annoyed since you were already ready.
“He will not like that,” F.R.I.D.A.Y said
“I know,” you smirked. You sat on your bed waiting for ten minutes to pass. You knew Bucky hated when you took too long which is why you always did.
“You know he’s gonna come looking for you,” Wanda said to you
“No he won’t, he’ll just brood the entire way there,” you smiled.
“I don’t understand you two. There is some sexual tension there and you bicker to hide it,” Nat said confused but yet understood the nature of your relationship with Bucky. As much as you hated to admit it she was partially right. After chatting with Wanda and Nat for 10 minutes, you got up and made your way to the jet where Bucky was already waiting for you.
“What took you so long?” he asked annoyed
“Calm down grumpus, I had to take care of something,” you quickly defended yourself.
**Flashback**
“Because our “boss” is an arrogant ass and enjoys punishing us,” you said rolling your eyes.
“Mr. Stark brought me up to speed on your situation. So who would like to start?” she asked you and Bucky but neither of you answered. “No volunteers?” she asked looking at the two of you completely uninvested. “Okay then, y/n why don’t you start? Why does Bucky aggravate you?” she asked looking in your direction.
“I don’t know, we just can’t stand each other,” you answered
“Look the only way this will work is if you communicate,” Dr. Raynor said
“There’s nothing to communicate so I’m not sure what you want me to say,” you responded
“Okay, what about you Bucky? Why is it that you and y/n don’t get along?” she turned to Bucky who was fidgeting with his fingers.
“As she said, we just don’t,” he said coldly
“Okay, do you trust each other?” she asked
“I trust him, when it counts,” you responded feeling his eyes on you
“What she said,” he responded
“Okay, so tell me about the incident that happened during your mission,” she asked you both.
“We were supposed to gather some information on someone we’ve been trying to apprehend, it was supposed to be easy, ” you said, remembering the events that lead you here.
*Flashback*
“Are you going to be brooding the whole mission?” you asked him, making eye contact with Bucky, but he didn’t respond.
“I guess that answers my question,” you muttered
“So what’s the plan?” Bucky spoke
“He speaks,” you said, “We go in, get what we need, then get out,” you simply said, putting in the earpiece.
“So no plan,” he rolled his eyes
“That is the plan, it’s an easy mission. Just try not to get caught,” you responded.
‘Easier said than done,” he muttered
“Look we go in, you distract and I’ll use this handy flash drive to upload all their files into our servers. Quick and easy,” you explained
“Why do I have to distract them? You do it,” Bucky said
“Because you’re an old man and that doesn’t know how to use technology,” you said rolling your eyes
“I do know how to use technology, for your information,” Bucky said annoyed
“Barely,” you mumbled to yourself.
“Just hurry,” he said. You made your way over to the networking room, making sure nobody saw you or followed you. Once you made it inside you plugged in the drive downloading all the files onto it. “How we doing?” you heard over the comms.
“It’s downloading,” you said.
“Can you hurry it up?” he asked
“No, I can’t. If I hurry the files won’t properly transfer, meaning we would fail the mission and I don’t fail. So shut up and let me work,” You said as you continued typing.
“Work faster,” Bucky said causing you to roll your eyes at him. “I hate you,” you muttered thinking he wouldn’t hear you.
“Feeling’s mutual,” he said back. After a couple of minutes of silence, you heard Bucky speak. “Y/n, you got incoming,”
“I thought I told you to distract them,” you said frustrated.
“There’s only so much stalling I can do. I’m on my way to you,” he said. You tried to work faster but it was useless. The files still had about 10 percent to go, which seemed to go by slowly. You heard the doorknob move, pulling out your gun and pointing it towards it. The door was swung open only to reveal Bucky. “Easy there,” he said. “Jesus, Barnes a little warning next time. I could’ve shot you,” you rolled your eyes. “Trust me doll, you couldn’t even if you tried,” he smirked
“You wanna test that theory out?” you said annoyed.
“Later, right now we gotta get the hell out of here,” he said hurrying you.
“It’s not done,” you said pointing to the screen, only 6 percent left.
“Just leave it. We got enough,” Bucky urged you.
“No, it’s almost done. We can get it all,” you said turning back to the computer.
“Why do you have to be so goddamn stubborn?” he said under his breath. “I’ll keep watch, hurry,” he said going back to the door to make sure nobody was coming.
“Shit, y/n we have to leave,” he said as he saw guards turning the corner and making their way to you.
“Wait, it’s almost done,” you said.
“Y/n, now!” Bucky yelled at you.
“Okay I got it,” you said pulling out the drive. “Told you I could do it,” you said. As you were about to exit the room, gunshots started. Bucky pulled you back inside but you were already hit in the arm. “Shit, what the hell?” you cursed looking at your bleeding arm. “Now you see why I was hurrying you?” Bucky asked
“Now is not the time, Barnes,” you yelled at him, putting pressure on your arm.
“Why because I was right and you can’t handle me being right?” he asked
“Can we just get the hell out without dying?” you said
“Can you use your gun?” he asked
“Yeah,” you said groaning in pain. Bucky was the first one to peak out the door, gunshots still firing. He started firing back landing a few shots. You went after him, firing as many shots as you could. Your arm bleeding out more as you moved. After killing most of them, there were only two men left. “I’m out,” Bucky said looking at the empty clip. “Me too,” you said back. Bucky pulled out the knife from his side pocket. He started fighting the two men, landing a few stikes on them. Eventually, the two men were on the ground. “Not bad,” you said a small smile forming. “Is that a compliment?” he raised his brow. “Never,” you shook your head smirking. “Are you okay?” he furrowed his brows. You were clearly losing a lot of blood. “Is that worry I sense?” you chuckled dryly. “Never,” he smiled at you. “Let get out of here before more of them come,” Bucky said looking back at the unconscious men.
**END FLASHBACK**
“You know thinking about it, I’m not really sure how we screwed up. I mean we got what we went there for. There might’ve been some unprecedented events but we still got what we needed,” you tried to defend yourself.
“I think it’s not really about the mission itself it’s more your relationship with each other,” Dr. Raynor said
“I’m not really sure what kind of relationship you are referring to, but like we’ve said we just can’t stand each other,” you said.
“Why do you think that is?”
“I tried to be nice when I first joined the Avengers but cyborg over here was a complete ass so I stopped trying to be nice,” You explained
“Mr. Barnes, you have anything to say?” she looked at Bucky. Bucky stayed silent not wanting to partake in the conversation.
“See? Complete ass,” you said shaking your head in annoyance. “You know what, I’m done. This is completely useless, you can give us the okay to go back on missions or you can’t I don’t care,” you said as you stood up and left the room. You got outside and let out a breath, tired from that useless therapy session. After about twenty minutes Bucky finally got outside. “You know I don’t hate you or anything,” Bucky said causing you to turn to look at him. “What?” you asked confused
“Fourteen years ago, I was sent to kills someone. There was a couple that saw so I had to kill them too. I remember their names. When you joined and saw your last name I knew it wasn’t a coincidence. I killed your parents, and I’m sorry,” Bucky said avoiding your eyes.
“I know,” you said softly
“You know?” he asked confused
“Yeah, I’ve read your file. Everyone you’ve killed while under Hydra’s control, every single person,” you said
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Because I know that wasn’t you. And being angry towards you wouldn’t bring them back,” you explained.
“I’m so sorry,” he apologized once again.
“I know,” you smiled warmly. “Come on, I need to eat,” you said as you started walking away. “This doesn’t make us friends right?” you stopped to ask.
“Never,” he smiled softly. “Good, we wouldn’t want that now,” you teased him.
#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes#bucky x reader#bucky x y/n#marvel characters#marvel#natasha romanoff#wanda maximoff#tony stark#steve rogers#marvel au#marvel fanfiction
84 notes
·
View notes
Text
New Rules 12
Over the next week, Alex has been doing very well with her sessions. Both of you have found ways to communicate better and find other outlets for Alex to try. She hasn't snapped at you all week. Which in your book is progress. However, Alex is expected to go back to work tomorrow and her nerves are showing. She's been extremely quiet all day and you can see her wheels spinning. “Alex,” you called out to her. She looks up from her spot at the kitchen table. “Yeah?” she asked. “Do you want to take a walk with me?” you asked her calmly. She smiles nodding her head “Of course my love.”
The two of you head out the back door hand in hand as you walk through the garden. “I've always loved this garden.” you smiled breathing in deeply. Alex smiles “Me too. My mom used to have a huge garden in our summer home in the Hamptons. I loved it. I would hide out in there for hours.” she says. You smile as you listen to her story but also wonder what exactly she was hiding from.
“Are you nervous about tomorrow?” you asked. She sighs “Yes.” You nod your head as you watch her look over the rows of flowers. “That's okay, it's normal to be nervous,” you tell her. “I know my therapist said the same thing. And she gave me some exercises to do if I needed to calm myself down,” she explains. “You know if you need me I'll be there in a heartbeat,” you tell her. She laughs “Yes I know. But don't you think I should handle him on my own?” she asked. You shrugged your shoulders “I don't know. I mean I guess if you feel like you can or that you want to then yes. But if by some chance you need support I'm there.” you tell her.
She smiles stopping in the middle of the aisle as she tugs your body into hers. She leans in to kiss you. You smile into the kiss moaning when it became heated. Pulling back slightly she smiles “Thank you.” “Anytime.” you chuckled as she grabs your hand to resume your walk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alex’s POV:
Today's the day I have to return to work and I am not looking forward to it. Dad has called me nonstop since I asked for two weeks off. He wants answers and today I have to give them to him. Of course, I have gone over this conversation in my mind hundreds of times and with my therapist. However, I still feel like I'm going to pass out.
Walking towards the office I see him sitting at his desk. Knocking softly on the door I wait for him to look up. “Well look who finally decided to come back to work,” he says. I roll my eyes as I shut the door behind me. “Hi. I wanted to talk to you for a minute.” I tell him. “Alright.” he nods to the chair. I sit down taking a deep breath before I begin. “I have been going through a hard time. I'm sorry that I called out last minute that wasn't my intention. But it was recommended by my therapist.” “Therapist?!” he asked cutting me off. Nodding my head I sigh “ Yes my therapist. I've been going for two straight weeks. And I plan to continue. But I'm back and I'm ready to go. All I ask is that you work with me.” I tell him.
He sits back in his chair eying me closely “ I'm assuming this was y/n’s idea. As a means to “fix you.” he asked with a sarcastic tone. “We both decided to attend therapy for different reasons,” I explain. “Hmm. Whatever floats your boat, Allie. Just don't bring it to this firm. Here is for business and business only.” he says. “I know. Just like my relationship is mine and I'd appreciate it if you stayed out of it.” I spit back. He chuckles “Of course. Now can we resume to our jobs or is there more?” he asked. “That's all for now,” I tell him. He nods going back to his work. I get up walking towards my office with a smile on my face. That went better than I expected it to.
Over the next few days, things were going well. My sessions were getting easier even though I was talking about some hard stuff. The firm is up and running smoothly. Jim and I are working well together. My home life is happier and I haven't hurt myself in almost three weeks. everything seemed to finally be falling into place but of course, he’d ruin it. He always does.
I was sitting at my desk when he came barling into the door. “We have an important meeting tonight so I'll need you to attend dinner with me,” he states. “What? No. I have a session tonight.” I try to tell him. “This is more important than your silly session. These clients are important and we need their name to boost this firm. I expect to see you there at 6. I'll text you the details.” he says walking out of the office. I groaned as I called my therapist explaining I needed to reschedule. Then I called you asking you to drop off a dress, shoes, and a few other items. You showed up an hour later.
Walking in the door with a smile on your face you hand over the items. “What do you need all of this for?” you asked. “Dad needs me to go to dinner with him tonight for a meeting with a client,” I explained looking over the dress. “Tonight? But don't you have a session?” you asked. I groaned “yes I do. I already called and rescheduled.” “Okay. But are you sure that's a good idea?” you asked. “Jesus! I rescheduled the session. What's the problem? You're not my keeper y/n!” I snapped. You nodded your head “Right. Well just call me if you need me.” you mumbled reaching for the door. I quickly move to stand in front of you. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped. I called her and explained the situation and I'm going tomorrow instead.” I explained. “That was all you had to say,” you tell me. I chuckled “I know. I'm sorry my love. As much as I try to not let him get to me he does. And I shouldn't take it out on you.”
You nod your head still not looking at me. I sigh lifting your chin with my finger “thank you for bringing my things. I love you.” I tell you. You smile “Your welcome. I love you too.” you whispered. Leaning down I give you a small kiss. Moving to the side I open the door for you. You smile giving me a small wave as you leave. “Good job Alex,” I say to myself as I shut the door. Rolling my eyes I look over to the clock to see what time it is. I only have an hour to get ready and meet dad.
An hour later I am in the car headed to the location dad sent me. Saying goodbye to grey I get out walking into the restaurant. “Party for Cabot,” I tell the young girl. She smiles “Yes Ma’am follow me.” she says. Following behind the host I see my father sitting with a man. When I reach the table he looks up stopping me in my tracks. “Robert?”
#alex cabot x reader#lgbtq#wlw#law and order svu#stephanie march#fiction#television#writing#law and order x reader#smut and fluff#age difference#angst#mental health#family sucks#rated m#selfharn#askforhelp#love yourselves#wlw love
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
delicate; b. barnes
chapter five - “fight or flight”
delicate masterlist
word count: 1.7k
synopsis: bucky and (Y/N) have their first official therapy session.
pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader
[A/N]: this story is available my wattpad as an OC @/ typicaldaze :))
She stood in front of her bed, ringing out her hands. Her gaze trailed off to nowhere specific, feet planted firmly on the floor of her room, body rigid and straight. She was nervous. This was no foreign feeling, but unpleasant all the same. Today was the first ever therapy session with Bucky.
She hadn't realized how strange it felt until she really thought about her position here. She never worked as an official therapist. She studied neuroscience and psychology, and the relationship between neurobiology and behavior. Don't get her wrong, she knew psychology, she knew trauma and how it interacted with the brain. In fact, sometimes her knowledge seemed like the only thing she could rely on, a consistent comfort and constant truth to keep her feet on the ground.
She shook the thought with a shake of her head, cracked her knuckles, and went for the door. She would have to get used to the Wakandan royal-guest living quarters. It looked like a five star hotel. No, a six star hotel; there is no such thing as a six star hotel, but Wakanda made it happen. That's what Y/N thought, anyway.
Briefly, she wondered what Bucky thought of it. Was he staying in the same area? He could be across the lake for all she knew. The castle was huge and had extensions everywhere. She wondered if he felt lonely here. She wondered if he felt scared, or relaxed, or if he didn't care at all. She thought this was all a little intimidating. She was wary of getting lost as she followed the directions Shuri gave her yesterday.
Her hands found themselves fidgeting again as she continued walking. Before, she was standing by, assisting Shuri and Bucky when needed. Now, she was going to be sitting in a room alone with Bucky. One on one. This would be more personal. (Y/N) was again intimidated. Not by Bucky, but by the nature of their relationship. She just wanted to do well. She just wanted to do right by him.
-
Alone in a room, tips of fingers tapped restlessly on the arm of a chair. Simultaneously, while walking down the hall, tips of fingers tapped nervously on the side of a thigh.
(Y/N) stood up as a Wakandan royal-aid escorted Bucky into the room. Immediately, she noticed his eyes scanning over the room, undoubtedly and probably unconsciously surveying for exits, possible threats, etc.
A brain that never rests, she thought.
The two of them thanked the aid and bid him farewell before standing in an awkward silence.
"It's nice to see you again, Bucky. I trust you're doing well," (Y/N) cut the tension.
The eloquent politeness was a weird taste on her tongue. She put up with it.
Bucky offered a smile. "Yes, thank you."
It took her a second to realize they were still both standing.
"Oh! Please sit. We can get started."
There were two couches across from each other. One a deep green, the other a pale blue. They were a nice contrast again the walls, which were clad in beautiful Wakandan designs of various shades of orange, yellow, and red. Except for one. On the far end of the room was a huge glass window, taking up the entire span of the wall. There were two end tables on each couch, and a small desk in the one corner with a warm golden lamp. The room was calm and welcoming.
"So, today isn't gonna be huge," (Y/N) started. "It is our first session, so we'll just talk, ya know, settle in."
Bucky nodded.
"So, how have you been? Adjusting well? Hating it? Absolutely no opinion?"
There was then a slight lightheartedness in her professionalism. It helped to put him at ease.
Bucky looked at his hands. "I'm doing alright. This place still needs a little gettin' used to, but that's expected."
"That's good to hear." She smiled slightly. "Wakanda is... a lot for an outsider. I don't think it matters if you're from another century or not."
Bucky chuckled.
"To be honest, I don't even know what therapy really is. They didn't have much of it in the forties."
"Well, it can be pretty hard sometimes, so here's a fair warning. Especially seeing the stuff you went through, just be prepared for difficulty."
As soon as she mentioned this, his demeanor changed.
"Yeah," he rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess difficulty is to be expected... with me."
That last part was so quiet she almost didn't hear it.
"Hey," (Y/N) said softly, "difficult is fine. It just means a little extra work.
Bucky looked up at her.
His eyes are very blue.
"A little extra work," he repeated, thoughtfully. "I think can do that."
"Do you get escorted everywhere like you did earlier?"
"Pretty much, yeah. Security measure, I guess," Bucky shrugged.
"I can understand that. You don't look scary though."
He then looked very confused.
"Th...thank you?"
"I'm just saying-I feel like it would probably be fine to let you walk here by yourself. It's only a problem when you hear the trigger words, right?"
"I think so, but I can't be sure. Neither can they. It's best to just keep everyone safe."
"Safe from..."
"Me."
"Well, you look perfectly gentle to me. I think it's the Winter Soldier they want to keep at bay."
That threw him for a loop. Gentle. Never in Bucky's life has he been described as gentle. At least... he didn't think so. He wasn't overly trusting of his memory.
"Kinda the same thing, don't ya think?"
"No."
Simple and head first into the point. Bucky once looked confused at her sureness.
"No?"
"No. You and the Winter Soldier are separate. It's not like you decided to go down that road. You weren't given a choice."
"Yeah, I guess."
She didn't seem the least bit convinced of his answer, but she decided to leave it alone.
(Y/N) uncrossed and re-crossed her legs, changing the subject and the mood.
"So, tell me about Steve!"
"Steve?"
"Yeah, I mean he rebelled against like a hundred countries to help you. I assumed you guys were close."
"Well," he started, leaning back in his seat, "he's my oldest friend, and my only friend now, I suppose. Stubborn ass, isn't he?"
"Maybe," (Y/N) smiled. "Sometimes stubborn is good, though. I can admire that. He isn't easily pushed around, that I can tell."
Bucky nearly snorted. "You should've seen him back when we were kids. Pushed around was part of his daily routine."
She almost giggled. "Oh, man. Poor Steve. He was lucky to have you, I take it?"
"We were lucky to have each other. But an argument can be made in Steve's favor 'cause he always made me look good. Not even because he was small or whatever, but because he was always puttin' me in situations where I'd act like a hero. Ya know, savin' his ass in the back of an alley or somethin'."
He seemed to get more comfortable as he talked about things that made him happy. Familiarity and goodness opened him up like a blooming flower. (Y/N) wasn't sure how to describe the sight, but the word that came to mind was golden.
"Sounds like you guys had a lot of fun."
"Yeah..." Bucky trailed off with a smile, thoughts tinted by memories of the past. Memories of an easier time.
"Oh, I've been meaning to ask. What did you think of all the exams we did with Shuri? How was it for you?"
"There's so much... stuff, and I have no idea what any of it is or does. I mean, it's been fine so far, but I can't help feeling constantly... confused. And unaware."
"Is that uncomfortable? Being unaware?"
"Well it's not a pleasure, that's for sure," Bucky said with a slight chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck.
He seemed nervous.
"Does this place make you nervous, Bucky?"
"Nervous? I don't know if I'd say nervous, but it is a lot to take in."
"That is true. Is that why you looked around the room for exits when you first came in? And why you're sitting facing the door instead of having your back to it?"
Bucky straightened his back.
"Didn't realize you caught that," he shrugged. "Just a habit."
And the flower began to wilt.
"Do you do that in rooms that you feel comfortable in?"
"I-uh... I'm not sure."
"That's alright. It's called hyper-vigilance. You're on high alert at all times. It's a common symptom in PTSD."
"In what?"
Bucky began to wipe his hands on his knees.
"PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but we can get into all that in a later session."
"Do I... do I have that?"
"I think so," she answered calmly and surely, "but I'd wait 'til I got to know you before I formally made that diagnosis."
He glanced at the clock. A few dense moments of silence pass.
"Bucky?"
He cleared his throat. "Yeah?"
"Are you okay?"
The blue in his eyes looked like ice. They were frozen. Most people think that in stressful situations the body activates the fight or flight response, but there aren't only two options. There's fight, flight, and there's freeze. Bucky was freezing.
The irony, (Y/N) thought.
He snapped out of whatever trance he was in and stood up abruptly. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just-"
His head shot to the door and he wrung out his hands as his feet shifted in place. Mind undoubtedly going haywire trying to decide what to do.
"I think I need to go," Bucky said so fast he didn't realize he even said it.
He made a beeline for the door, restlessness all but pouring out of him.
"Buck-"
She couldn't get through the rest of his name before the door had open and shut, leaving her sitting alone on the couch.
Now she could check off freeze and flight...
-
PLS feel free to leave some feedback/constructive criticism, i’d really like to know what i can do to make this story better!
#bucky barnes#bucky fanfic#bucky headcanon#marvel#steve rogers#bucky reader insert#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x y/n#marvel fanfiction
162 notes
·
View notes
Text
Episode:
-The Conversion-
‘’Good afternoon Damon how are you doing today? I see you are feeling more at home in the House of the Lord.’’
‘’Yes, Sir I do feel more at home every day that passes thank you for asking’’.
‘’Good to hear that my son I talked with your therapist and she told me you still have these homosexual tendencies, is that right?’’
‘’Isn't therapy meant to be confidential Sir?’’
‘’Nothing can be hidden for God's almighty sight my boy, He sees all and He knows all. I'm confident that when you fully embrace Him in all his light you will find your way back to the right path. Until then you will remain here with all the other lost boys. But tomorrow is family day maybe your father will come by to see your progress, Damon.’’
‘’Maybe he will Sir maybe he will. But if you excuse me I want to practice my prayers before the classes start again Sir.’’
‘’But of course, my son, don't let me hold you back. Good to see that you take this so seriously the others could learn something from you. I will leave you now at peace.’’
Finally, I thought he would never leave me alone. I can't stand to be here any longer. I have already spent months in this gay conversion therapy hell camp, ever since my mother passed away and my father found out I was gay. My father didn’t like it and said being gay was ‘wrong’ and ‘unnatural’... he even said it's was despicable a ''abomination''.
My father is such a hypocrite only after a month when his wife died he had already had another girlfriend he fucked multiple times a day, but yeah that was okay because he is a big beefy manly straight man and that’s what he is supposed to do. How isn’t that despicable? While I’m as his son being the total opposite: Gay, effeminate and a twink needed to be fixed.
So he sent me here to the Christian Home For Lost Boys: a place where lost boys find their way back to the good old straight path. Here at Christian Home For Lost Boys, we use reparative therapy (aka conversion therapy) and physical exercise (aka free labor) to make the boys of God happy again (meaning being depressed as fuck).
The whole goal of this camp is practically brainwashing people into behaving how to act: a man should act masculine and do manly stuff like fixing cars and a woman should act feminine and do girly things like cleaning. And the only acceptable relationship is between one man and one woman. When you successfully converted back to ''straightness'' you are allowed to leave if not you have to stay (unless your parents don't pay any more than you also have to leave, I guess selling lies is expensive lol).
As you can see I'm still here because well I'm too gay, I'm too Fem and I L-O-V-E it too much. But I found another way to escape this hellhole. My Dad only visited me once before I had begged him to bring a ring my mother left me after her death, she told me it had some kind of magic power. Surprisingly he had brought it with him and gave it to me and then gave me a disgusted look and said he didn't want me home unless a was a real (straight) man in his eyes. So it's time to give my father a taste of his own medicine! I closed my eyes and pictured the burly image of my father in my head as my conscience fell deeper and deeper till there was nothing more than darkness.
...
''Wake up you sexy beast it's impolite to let a passionate woman waiting''.
A woman? Who's voice it that? It's hard to open my eyes.
‘’Come on Mike don't fall asleep again’’.
‘’Wait what?’’
Mike that's my dad's name! I opened my eyes fully and saw a beautiful woman lying next to me... naked! I was in total shock. She had mocha brown skin full soft lips, large breasts, nice rounded hips, and a gorgeous butt that was only partially covered by the sheets.
‘’Well good morning sexy’’, she said as she pulled in and put her full lips on mine, and kissed me passionately. Only now I recognized her she was my father's girlfriend I kissed my father's fucking naked girlfriend!
I tried to push her off me only to be even more shocked as I looked at my hand, it was huge! I pulled the sheets off me and walked straight to the mirror standing in the room. Seeing my father in the mirror, I pulled my meaty hands to my face feeling the rough beard on my face.
''Damn this feels gooooood!'' I moaned. Continuing with me flexing my biceps.
‘‘Well look at that, looking like a fucking beast! Oh yeah!’‘
‘’Mike are you okay you're acting strange?’’
I looked back at the bed where my dad's girlfriend was still lying in my moment of excitement I had totally forgotten that she was still here.
‘’Uhm, of course, uhm... ''babe''. I feel better than ever!’’
My pecs made a little bounce, I can make my pecs bounce?! I have pecs OMG! Calm down now Damon calm down you're your dad now you're Mike Johnson.
*Phone goes off *
I looked at my phone and the number was saved under the name Christian Home.
‘’Sorry, babe, I have to take this I will be right back.’’
''I will be waiting for you, hotshot!''
I walked to the living room while my heavy balls and large cock bounced against my thick thighs.
''Jesus, how does dad walk with this?''
''Hello with... Mike Johnson'', I said with my deep baritone voice.
‘’Hello, Mr. Johnson, you speak with counselor David from Christian Home For Lost Boys. As you may know, is today our family day but because of your son's behavior, we decided to cancel any visits for Damon at the moment. We hope you understand this is also a hard decision to make for us.’’
‘’What wrong with ''Damon's'' behavior if I may ask?’’
‘’Well, Mr. Johnson to be honest with you, I spoke with Damon yesterday and he seemed to make real progress during his stay here. But since this morning he totally changed screaming and fighting with the other counselors saying he is you Sir, Mike Johnson, and not Damon Johnson. That he somehow talking in the third person ended up in Damon's body. We think his Homosexual lifestyle has corrupted him more than we at first thought.’’
‘’Let me go!... I paid you f... I´m Mike John...’’
‘’Is that Damon counselor David can I speak with him? But of course Mr. Johnson we will give you a moment alone with your son ... Damon, it's your father on the phone.’’
‘’Well, how is the camp so far ''son'' hahaha?’’
‘’Damon? What have you done? Why do you have my voice, why am I you, does this mean you are you in my body?!’’
‘’Yeah, I'm walking around in your body, in its fully beefed up naked glory and I must say I'm enjoying my stay so far.’’
’’I swear Damon if you don't switch us back immediately I will...’’
‘’You will what, huh? Put me inside a conversion camp oh wait you already did!’’
‘’Please Damon get me out of here!’’
‘’No chance dad it's time to put you in your place...my place.’’
''Babe are you already done calling I'm bored?!''
‘’Just a second babe I'm almost done!’’
‘’Damon was that my girlfriend?!’’
‘’Yeah it's was she is kind of a horny slut if you ask me,, but so were you and so am I now. Damn your cock gets really excited fast doesn't it hahaha only by thinking of sex it gets rock hard! I'm stroking it now gentle or do you like it rough dad? This feels goooooddd oh yeah!’’
‘’Damon! I swear if you put my cock anywhere where it doesn't below I will kill you!’’
That would mean killing yourself dumbass and besides it looks that I'm finally the thing you always wanted me to be, a real straight man just like you.‘’
‘’But if you're straight in my body...that must mean... ‘’
‘’Yeah, you're 100% gay in my body dad. Hope you will like your days as a skinny feminine fag as well as me enjoying my life as a manly beefy horny straight man. But like counselor David always says:
''there is nothing reparative therapy and hard work can't fix''.
So enjoy your days in that hellhole and see you maybe at the next family day ''son'' if you behave well.’’
‘’You won't get away with this Damon!’’
‘’I think I already have ''Damon'', I already have.’’
*End of the phonecall*
I walked back to the bedroom. ‘‘Finally, you´re back, come here beast’‘, MY girlfriend said to me. ‘‘With pleasure babe now get down for your man’‘.
#male body swap#Black x Black#young to old#old to young#father and son#daddy#menofcolorswitchbodiestoo
165 notes
·
View notes
Text
Teaching Assistant 13
When you wake up it is the next morning. You have been transferred to a recovery room. It is quite spacious and light. Your bag and other belongings laid on a table next to your bed. An IV was in your right arm connected to a bag of fluid.
You look down and notice your left shoulder is all bandaged up. You can see some angry bruises peek out from under it.
The room was awfully quiet and you felt anxious. You wanted to know what was going on. You press the call button and wait for a nurse to come and take a look at you.
A young girl walks in with a large smile on her face when she sees you. She has short black hair and a radiant smile. She seems South Asian. She takes a look at the machines on your bedside as she starts to ask questions.
“Hello. I’m Maya. How are you feeling?” You try to shrug but because of your bandaged up shoulder you can’t.
“Okay, I think. I feel really tired…” The nurse nods and writes it down on the notepad she carries with her.
“That is completely normal. You are on some really strong pain meds. The doctor will come and take a look at you in a little bit. Is there anything I can do?” You look around the room and then lock in on your bag.
“My phone. Can you plug it in so I can charge it? There should be a charger on my bag.” Maya nods and checks your bag. She pulls out the cord and your phone. She plugs it in and lays the phone on your lap. You quickly thank her.
“Anything else?”
You think for a second before you remember. You’re surprised you can. You usually try to forget this. “I have an appointment with Doctor Eric Wilson here at 4… Can you let him know I had an accident?” She assures you that she will and then leaves again.
When she leaves you quickly turn on your phone. A few spam emails pop up on the screen and a few texts. One from Dimitri and a few from Loki. You first open the one from Dimitri but as you do he calls you. You pick up and put the phone on speaker.
“Hey, you missed the first lesson. Are you alright,” he asks in a worried tone. There is some buzzing behind him. He is clearly in between classes.
“I had an accident, last night. I’m in the hospital,” you croak out. Your throat is as dry as sandpaper.
“Seriously? I’ll come right away,” he tells you and you hear him starting to walk faster to call in sick.
“Thank you,” you reply. Dimitri tells you to sit tight and that he will be there shortly. You hang up and then check Loki’s texts.
Daddyi.
Did you get home safe?
Darling?
Answer me!
Where are you?
Why aren’t you in my class?
You are in so much trouble.
Please answer me. I’m worried. Did I do something wrong? Did something happen?
Answer me or I’m coming to your flat!
The last message was only sent a few minutes ago. Quickly you call Loki up as well but he doesn’t pick up. He would probably be teaching a class right now. You leave him a voice note explaining your situation and tell him not to worry.
After that your doctor did come in and check up on you for a moment. She explained what they did in the surgery and what was going to happen afterwards. You came out reasonably unscratched for a motorcycle accident. You had a broken collarbone, a bruised rib and a small head wound. They did want to do a brain scan to make sure there was no other damage done.
You would have to receive a lot of physical therapy for it to heal properly. You would also have to wear a sling the next few weeks. The doctor asked you once again if she could call someone for you. You told her Dimitri was on his way.
A few minutes later he indeed arrived. He looked rather pale when he walked in. It must have been a bit of a worrying sight. You were in a very oversized hospital gown and all alone in the rather empty and sterile room. He sat down on the bed with you and grabbed your hand.
“How are you, babe?” He looks at you with large puppy eyes.
“I’m alright. The painkillers do their job.” You give him a short smile and then take a deep breath. You tell him you still need a brain scan and that you need to wear a sling the next few weeks. Dimitri offers to get you some stuff from home, like your laptop, clothes and other things.
When he leaves you go for the brain scan, which is frightening. The room was dark and the machine was scary. You had to lay still as the machine was scanning you. You were very happy when you got out of it.
Once back in your room Loki still hasn't replied or even seen your messages. Dimitri returned with some of your stuff. You watch a bit of a movie until he is sent out as well. You take a short nap since the anesthetic made you drowsy.
Around four someone knocks on your door. When you look who it is you are surprised it is Eric. He is the psychiatrist treating you for your eating disorder and anxiety. He was absolutely wonderful. You are so lucky to have found him! He takes a chair and sits down next to your bed.
“Hey there,” he smiles as he takes off his official doctor's coat. “You didn’t think I would skip out on you only because of a little motorcycle accident.” He gives you a funny smirk that manages to make you laugh.
“Of course not. I think I’d have to actually pass away to skip an appointment.” Eric chuckles a bit and then opens his file.
“So, how are you in regards to the accident,” he asks in a serious tone. You think for a moment and want to sit up but your shoulder prevents you from doing so. You slumb back into the pillows before replying.
“This is gonna sound strange, but I’m alright. I don’t know if it’s just the shock but I sort of needed this…” As the words leave your mouth you feel crazy. The brain scan came back clear but maybe they missed something.
“You needed a near death experience,” the psychiatrist asks you as he changes his sitting position. There is a thin frown upon his forehead.
“Yes… in a way. I tried to stay here, to stay awake. I was actively finding ways to stay here and to help the doctors. A few months ago I would have let myself drift off but I didn’t. I wanted to live,” you explain.
It was true. A few months back when you were deep in your eating disorder and filled with anxiety you had at some point nearly died. You didn’t care whether you lived or died. You just wanted your suffering to be over.
Now, after some of the hardest months of your life it changed. You wanted to live. You wanted to make the most of it. You wanted to study, to graduate and make something of yourself. It was a big difference and the accident reminded you of that.
“You should be proud of yourself,” Eric agreed, “that is a big change. Although, you should not need a near death experience every time to remind you of that.” The last bit he says as a joke but it’s tinted with seriousness.
When the session is slowly coming to an end your phone rings. The screen was still upwards and the words ‘DADDY’ appeared largely on the screen. Doctor Eric looks at the phone as you quickly click it away. You look up at his confused face and wait for him to say something.
“I thought you didn’t talk to your father anymore,” he asks with suspicion written all over his face. He knows very well you haven’t talked to him since you were ten.
“I’m not,” you reply and avert your eyes from him. Loki could not have called on a worse moment. You do not want to talk about your love/sex life with your psychiatrist. The fact that this is illegal doesn’t help.
“So you’re seeing someone. Why didn’t you tell me,” he asks in a serious tone before switching to dramatics. “I thought we told each other everything.” He makes some fake crying noises and slowly slides from his chair. You can’t help but chuckle at the ethics.
“It’s still pretty new. I just don’t feel like talking about it. I didn’t think it was important,” you say, hoping Eric will stop questioning. He struggles back onto his chair and gives you a serious look. As he does you have to hang up another call from Loki.
“I know you don’t want to talk about it with an old dude like me, but I do feel like we should talk about it. You have never had a good example of relationships and you are in treatment for an eating disorder, depression and anxiety. This could turn toxic if you’re not careful.” You just stare at your therapist for a second.
“Well thank you for listing all that,” you mutter as you slide down in your bed a little more. Eric gives you an unimpressed look. “But I guess you make a point. Next session,” you suggest as you look at the clock. Your hour is over. Eric luckily agrees and then leaves the room.
When he leaves you quickly call Loki back. He answers rather fast and distressed this time. A plethora of questions immediately roll off his tongue. You quickly stop him halfway.
“Loki, I’m alright. Sorry I didn’t pick up. I was with a doctor.” You can hear him sigh in relief.
“I was so worried when I didn’t hear from you and you didn’t show up today. I knew I should have driven you home last night!” You stop him again before he starts to ramble again.
“It’s not your fault. There was a broken traffic light.”
“How are you feeling? Can I come over?”
“I’m alright. On a lot of painkillers. I don’t think you should. It would be suspicious. The doctors told me I will be discharged soon. I’ll see you then.” Loki doesn’t like the idea of you being in the hospital all alone but eventually agrees. You talk a little longer until Loki has to go home from the university.
The next two days pass by slowly. Dimitri comes by in the afternoon but the rest is rather boring. When you are finally discharged you are over the moon. Dimitri came and picked you up. He brought you home, did some meal prepping since your left arm was completely useless.
He stays over the night and helps you in the morning to figure things out. Getting dressed was absolute hell. Luckily the hospital had given you some painkillers for your arm and bruised ribs. Dimitri is also nice enough to carry your bag into college.
It was difficult to get through Loki’s class. You were craving one of his hugs and to just talk to him for a moment. You wanted to dig your nose in his neck and take in his scent. When class is finally over Loki tells you to stay behind.
You walk up to him when students leave the classroom. He starts to talk to you about work you missed and whether you would have to catch it up. Once everyone is gone Loki rushes to the door, closes it and turns the lock. He pulls down the curtain that allows you to look into the room.
When the coast is finally clear Loki immediately pulls you in for a kiss. He holds both his hands on your cheeks as he does so. You lay your good hand on his shoulder and pull him nice and close to you.
When he let's go you press your body against his. You press your head in the crook up of his neck. Loki puts his arms around you in return as gently as he can. One arm he moves to your head and gently cradles it.
“I’m so happy you’re okay,” he mumbles before kissing your hair. You don’t reply but just place a gentle kiss on his soft skin.
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
Reid x Reader- Hurt Pt 6
Reid x Reader- Hurt Pt 6
Warnings- Mentions of violence, gunshots, swearing, PTSD, depression etc. Please exercise caution.
Words- 1544
A/N- finally got around to continuing this part! hopefully y'all like it! as always requests are open and love you lovelies!
In your mind it was all so clear, each memory playing in your head effortlessly, but when it came to words, it was useless. Useless to even try and explain what had happened, it was so simple yet so complicated, and to even speak it aloud would give Noah some kind of power beyond the grave.
"I don't know," You said, rocking back and forth slightly, feeling sweat begin to bead at your forehead, even the fleeting thought of his appearance was enough to make you visibly shake, your fists clenched and breathing erratic.
"You seem nervous, is everything okay?" You nodded and clenched your teeth, struggling to answer the therapists' question.
"It was cold, and I had just gotten off work," You trailed off, struggling to remember the events even though they were seared into your mind.
"Noah was home, in my apartment, looking for something to accuse me of cheating on him, and he found a picture of Spencer, and screamed in my face-"
"Are you in a romantic relationship with Dr.Spencer Reid?" You shook your head violently,
"Oh no, it's not like that, we're just on cases a lot together, so we've become pretty close friends," You laughed nervously, and the therapist pondered on your response, but nodded and wrote down something on her notebook. You made a mental note to try and see what it was.
"Once he was done yelling at me, he grabbed something to try and tie me, to keep me still so he could-" You took in a breath, trying to find a way to move away from the subject, but there really wasn't.
"Rape me." The therapist nodded and scribbled something down,
"I didn't have my gun, so I kicked him and we ended up fighting, and that's how I got the bruise on my face," You gently touched it and winced, but luckily it had begun to heal. The therapist then wrote something else down and spoke.
"After that though, you went to Dr.Reid's house and let the BAU form an investigation trying to find him, correct?" You nodded,
"I stayed with Penelope to help, they wouldn't let me in the field at the time," You nodded to yourself, trying to give yourself some type of confidence to get through the last of the events.
"Noah was already in the building though, and when I was getting coffee from the break room, he found me, and we both pulled our guns in a stalemate," She nodded, wanting you to go on,
"But he got into my head and made me think that it was wrong for me to defend myself, so I ended up putting my gun down and letting him take me from the break room," You shook your head, knowing it was a mistake you made that resulted in his death and maybe, just maybe, if you hadn't surrendered that quickly he would still be here today.
"Why did you let him take you out of the break room," You closed
your eyes and spoke quietly,
"Because maybe if I would have let him do anything he wanted to me, it would all fucking be over," The politeness was gone from your voice, and you desperately wanted to get this fucking interview over with so you could get back onto the field and forget about this.
"What did he say to you?"
"He told me everything he knew about me, my favorite color, favorite music, why I liked it, everything..." You faltered, trying to find the words that would make her understand exactly what you were going through, but there weren't any words that could. Of course your significant other should know these things, but the way he said them with so much venom in his voice completely broke you.
"Reid was walking in at the same time, and pulled his gun, talked to Noah, realized he was going to kill me no matter what, made a judgment call and when he moved, Reid shot him." You quickly finished and began to get up,
"Sit down please, I'm not done yet, I still have to give you my diagnosis." You furrowed your brows, there was nothing wrong with you, why would you need a diagnosis?
"Severe PTSD, and moderate depression, both are caused by the traumatic event, and can be lessened with therapy and meds, I want you to start seeing a therapist once a week and start you on Sertraline, first ten milligrams and then gradually increase from there, if everything goes well, you'll be allowed into the field in about 2 months-"
"2 months?!" You said in disbelief,
"I have to go to therapy and take whatever the fuck that is for two months?" She nodded,
"At your first session the therapist you choose will give you the prescription, so please take it easy and get some rest. I'll check in on you in two months. Know that I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt, usually, I would keep someone out of the field for at least three months."
"Can I at least help in Quantico?" She thought for a second but then nodded. You thanked the lord above that you wouldn't be so cooped up at home, and went back to your desk, not before sneaking a look at the clipboard she was writing on.
Obvious PTSD, amnesia? Depression, co-dependent, prone to relationships that give not receive. Stable enough to keep gun, etc, keep an eye out for new relationships/drastic changes in mood or behavior.
You took offense to the co-dependent phrase but quickly booked it to your desk, eager to get the hell out of there. Hotch stood at your desk, awaiting your arrival.
"What did she say?" You nodded to yourself and let out a breath, composing yourself.
"Out of the field for two months, gotta go see a therapist and take some meds for PTSD, I can still help Penelope though," Hotch sighed,
"I'll see if I can lessen it for you, but from now on help Penelope and go to therapy. I know you don't want to but it's for your own good." You nodded and sat at your desk, shuffling through the immense amount of paperwork you had to do from both the FBI itself and the case before.
"What did they say, I can give a second opinion if you want," Reid looked over your shoulder and to the paperwork you were completing.
"You know you can leave that for later," He continued, you nodded.
"Better now than later. I'm out of the field for two months though, and I gotta go get therapy and meds, I can still help Penelope." Reid smiled,
"You know that's not what I meant, what were you diagnosed with," You sighed,
"PTSD and mild depression, she called me co-dependent..." Reid laughed,
"First two maybe, but only mild, and for the co-dependent part, I'm sure you know the answer." You laughed quietly, it was something you were going to have to work on, but not yet.
"You don't seem super nervous talking about it, why?" He tried to pry and get more information, but in reality, the only thing you could think of was how detached you were from the event, seeing it from the outside rather than the inside.
"I guess I'm just detached, that's all." Reid shook his head,
"That won't do you any good, therapy will help though. Do you want me to drive you home, it'll be better to be in a place you recognize." You nodded, trying to remember how you had left the place, probably messy.
"C'mon then, better get there now so we can clean." You smiled, we. Such a simple gesture, but made you feel loved.
The car ride was less than interesting, and you found yourself aimlessly scrolling through your phone, only looking up when Reid had parked.
"Nervous?" He asked, you nodded and sucked in a breath, letting it out and preparing yourself for what was to come.
You got a flash of memories from that night, and the way you ran to your car, hands still barely tied. The hallway you almost tripped down, and the doors you had to open. Reid put his hand around you, noticing your breathing change.
"It'll be okay, it's just a room, and Noah is gone. He won't hurt you again." You nodded and tried to comfort yourself to no avail. Your heart began to beat faster and faster, like thunder in your head, deafening, you could almost feel the blood coursing through your veins. You put in the key to your apartment and gently opened the door, Reid just behind you.
It was a mess. Just like how it was left. You couldn't help but place a hand on your gun, looking for any type of movement.
"There's no one here, promise," Reid said, trying to calm you down. You let your hand wander to your side, and sat down on the loveseat, where everything went down.
"Do you need anything?" Instead of declining like you usually would, you asked for a glass of water, not wanting to get up and get it yourself. Reid went into the kitchen and ran the water, but before he got to you you heard a deafening.
Crack!
Like the thunder you had heard when Reid pulled the trigger on Noah, in fact, it was identical.
Oh fuck...
Not today, not today, not now...
#reid x reader#spencer reid#reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fanfic#fanfiction#fanfic#reid fanfic#reid fanfiction#cm fanfiction#cm fanfic#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds fanfic#mgg#criminal minds#cm#bau#quantico
31 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
austrianinheartgryffindorbychose
Next Generation Potterhead ⚡
shadows-of-a-memory
you can rest now
voidbeans
Spelunking in hell
bhnas96
🇵🇸
fluidshadow
A Shadow On The Wall