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#my anxiety has just been nasty lately
floral-hex · 11 months
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Made some coffee because I need the boost
Going to go shave off my beard next because I like the occasional clear cut before growing it back and also no one ever sees me so it won’t matter how baby faced I am for the next week.
Going to stupidly retry buspirone later tonight. If you’ve followed my “lore” (and I’m sorry if you have), the last time I tried it over a few days, it only gave me extra anxiety and made me feel hot and incredibly uncomfortable. Maybe that was a fluke. Maybe it was interacting with the antidepressants I had just upped my dose of. Regardless, we’ll give it another shot and if it goes bad again, I’ll just take a couple benadryls, conk out, and not worry about them again.
Okay, I love you.
#my anxiety has just been nasty lately#I’m working on the logical mental part of that but a good chunk of my anxiety & depression is due to unchangable health problems#so for those worries I can’t reason away I’m relying on medication#and I think I’m ‘brave’ (or foolish) enough to give buspar another shot#i don’t want to take a benzo or anything tonight#I took 2 klonopins last night and that seemed pretty nice but I don’t want to make that a habit#especially since doctors don’t want to prescribe them unless really really necessary#so for tonight I’ve got my second cup of coffee and I’m working on distracting myself#gonna shave off this gross beard and if I could I’d cut off my long hair#my hair is too long!#I know that’s blasphemous to say but dang it’s getting to be a bit much#also my therapist said I need to apply for jobs before our next meeting#I don’t want to (fingers crossed) get a job interview just to roll in with this gross hair#NOT THAT HAIR IS GROSS! I love you hairy people!#but I’m bad at trimming facial hair and I haven’t had a haircut in… half a year? more?#so I’m all split ends and uneven trims#and I sweat easily so I need to chop some of this all off before it gets too hot#why am I writing all of this? it’s not pertinent or important or exciting or#so anyway how are you doing?#I need more mutuals who spend ungodly amounts of time on this app#not to talk to. I suck at talking. I just like seeing people on here. doing their thing. being alive. interacting with them. it’s nice.#okay this is enough rambling#ok i love you take it sleazy#you can ignore this#text
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cupid-styles · 4 months
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late night talking 2
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here is the long awaited part two to late night talking (aka cam girl!yn and nerdrry)!!!! I v much hope you guys like this part as much as you liked the first :)))) enjoy!
read part one here
word count: 7.5k
content warnings: smut (oral - f receiving, fingering, dirty talk, riding, mentions of squirting, size kink, daddy kink, mentions of sex toys and bondage, minor edging)
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masterlist | talk to me
. . .
If Harry were to describe the joy he feels when listening to Y/N discuss her day with him over the phone, he's sure he would never shut up.
At first, he'd been nervous about what they would talk about. Did she expect them to have dirty, filth-filled conversations? What if she charged him for it? Harry would undoubtedly shell out the money, too embarrassed to explain he had different expectations, but it's not what he wanted — not by a long-shot.
Admittedly, the first five or 10 minutes had been rocky. After chatting exclusively through direct messaging on Y/N's cam site, it was a little difficult to get used to transferring those conversations to the phone. She was used to relying on witty jokes with emojis, he was accustomed to having more time to thoughtfully write out responses. Talking one-on-one limited both of those things, ridding them of their comfort blankets. But once the ice melted, names were exchanged, and Y/N's breathy giggle sounded through the receiver, Harry was a goner.
"Wait, so how is it that we live in the same city?" Harry questions as he pulls at a loose thread on one of the throw pillows on his couch. "The odds of that are like... slim to none."
"Well, you'd know, you have a degree in computer science," Y/N replies teasingly. "I'm pretty sure the homepage tries to cater to your location. It's kind of weird and freaky if you think about it for too long."
"That's... kind of horrifying." 
She hums, "I know. But if I hide my feed from the homepage, I'd have to solely rely on my regulars."
Harry doesn't want to be a dick so he doesn't say anything in response, but he wishes she could. He despises the fact that there are local creeps watching her every night, even if that includes him. Quickly, he tries to shove down his possessive nature, knowing he doesn't quite have anything to be jealous of — she's her own person.
"Don't worry, I have a baseball bat by the door." she jokes, but it doesn't land the way she intends. Her mouth twists into a wince when Harry remains silent on the other side.
"Just want you to be safe, hm?" he says gently, "I know you can take care of yourself, but... you know what I mean, don't you?"
"Are you trying to say that you care about me?"
He huffs, a surprised puff of air leaving his lungs. 
"Yes," he finally forces out, anxiety beginning to claw at his insides, "Of course I do."
A beat. The nerves have grown nasty fangs and nails, but then— 
"I care about you, too."
Harry has to squeeze the pillow so a girlish squeak doesn't escape his mouth.
. . .
From: Y/N🎀
my boss made me stay late today so I don't think ill make it home for our 6 pm phone call :( can I call you later?
Harry tries not to pout as his eyes scan over Y/N's text for a second time. Ever since their initial phone call a few weeks ago, they unintentionally set up a daily schedule where they'd chat as soon as she got home from work. Usually, they spoke up until she started her stream, but she took Fridays off since there weren't as many people logging on to watch. All day, he had been looking forward to getting her for a few hours without any interruptions. 
(She often keeps him on the phone as she eats dinner or picks out a lacy set of lingerie. The latter makes him feel special, like he has some sort of behind-the-scenes look of what happens prior to her logging on. It also happens to thicken up his cock a fair amount.)
To: Y/N🎀
I'm sorry he's doing that to you on a Friday. You're right, he's a dick.
Call me whenever you're able. I'll be around.
In an ideal world, maybe Harry could pick them up some dinner and he could meet her at the office, so she could eat while she finished work. Or, he could even take her out to a nice restaurant after — but beyond the very obvious restrictions of their relationship (or maybe it was just a friendship with virtual benefits?), Harry was deeply insecure. They were both lonely people, he knew, and they were simply reaping the benefits until someone better came along for her. 
His phone buzzes, ripping him from his self-deprecating thoughts: thank you<3 you're the sweetest, staying in on a friday just so you can talk to little old me!!! x
A snort leaves him. He can't remember the last time he had actual social plans that involved leaving the house on the weekend. Friday nights were almost always reserved for playing video games with his friends, baking a new recipe he found on Pinterest, or, that one time where he tried to teach himself how to knit a little sweater for Beatrice. 
(It went terribly and Beatrice ended up having more fun with the ball of yarn anyway.)
The thing is, Harry knows he's a nerd. He's pretty much the picture of a dorky, grown-up introvert, with his thick-rimmed glasses, computer engineering job, cat, and pathetically lonely social life. How on earth could Y/N not see that?
(Maybe she does, and she's just taking advantage of him. He doesn't foresee that being a possibility, but his anxious insecurities take him there every now and then.)
He spends his time moseying around his apartment while he waits for her to get home. By the time he's done baking espresso brownies and tidying up the kitchen, making sure to place the tray high enough so Beatrice can't get into them, he hears his phone vibrating on the countertop. A jolt of energy and happiness zips through him when he sees her name splayed across his screen, immediately pressing answer and putting her on speaker.
"Hiiii," she sings into the receiver, and he can already tell she's traipsing around her own home, "You picked up fast."
"Told you I'd be around whenever you wanted to talk."
"You're too good to me," she says, though he has to lower the phone the second he hears noisy crunching on the other line, "Sorry, I literally just got in. I'm eating Cheetos for dinner."
"I thought you were gonna order in from that new stir fry place," Harry replies, thinking back to her mulling over the idea last night.
"I was, but then I had to work until 7 pm, which meant I didn't get home until... what time is it? Oh, it's already 8:15! There goes my entire Friday night!"
He smiles gently at her dramatics, though he understands. "You can still order, babe. They don't close until 10."
"But I just opened this bag of Cheetos."
He resists the urge to roll his eyes. "You can use one of those handy clips to close it so they don't go stale."
"I don't have any of those."
Harry shakes his head as his eyes scan over the small bowl of them on his kitchen countertop. 
"Put the Cheetos down, Y/N. Order the stir fry. You deserve it."
A sigh passes through her lips. "Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure. You had the longest week and you just had to work after hours on a Friday."
"Alright, fine."
He hears the light tapping of her fingers against the phone screen, which only leads him to believe that she's actually doing what he's requested of her for once. He busies himself with cozying up on the couch, throwing a blanket over his lap as Beatrice jumps up onto the cushion next to him. 
"Okay, done," she says a few moments later. "So, speaking of deserving things. I got you something."
"You got me something?" Harry asks with furrowed brows.
"Mhmm. I saw it online and wanted you to have it— well, it's for both of us, actually, but that's besides the fact. Anyway, I need your address so I can send it to you."
Harry's brain begins to glow with possibilities, completely unsure of what she could possibly have gotten him. 
"Is this just an excuse to stalk me?" he jokes, making her snort.
"No, Harry. Send me your address, please. It's a present."
He quickly removes the phone from his ear, pressing the speaker button and opening up their text thread. 
"Fine, I'm sending it to you now," he murmurs, typing out his address, "But it better not be something weird."
Y/N snorts and for a moment, it's quiet. Harry's used to silent lulls in their conversations, especially because they'll sometimes be on the phone together for hours. He occupies himself with gently petting Beatrice's coat, making a mental note to brush her orange fur out after they hang up tonight.
"Harry?"
Y/N's voice rings softly through the receiver. Focused on scratching the top of Beatrice's head, he lets out a distracted hum, assuming she's just making sure he's still there.
"We live 10 minutes from each other." 
It takes him a moment to digest what she's just told him. At first, he thinks it's a joke. There's no way the girl he's been watching every night for the past few months lives so close to him. But when she doesn't follow it up with a "just kidding!", he realizes she may be telling the truth. 
"What?" he finally chokes out, his posture straightening slightly. Could they have run into each other without evening noticing it? Passing by one another on a busy street, Y/N walking home from work while Harry stops at the grocery store? 
"Yeah," she breathes out in disbelief, "You live on Beekman, right? I'm three streets over."
"This is insane," he blurts out. "You're not messing with me?"
"I wouldn't do that."
Harry's unsure if the conversation has taken a turn of shock or tension. There's an obvious question lingering between them, but he's too scared to bring it up. He's too scared to even think about it.
Meeting in person... it seemed like something they'd never get close to doing. Harry was never positive about where their dynamic would lead, but in the back of his head, he did fret about the lack of endgame. He assumed she would get bored of him one day — why wouldn't she, when she's this gorgeous, fun, care-free person, and he's the complete opposite?
"Are you okay?"
Her question rips him from his cycling thoughts. Beatrice climbs into his lap, absorbing the anxiety radiating from his chest. He clears his throat. 
"Yeah. Sorry. I'm just... that's crazy."
"It is," she agrees. "I guess... well, if you're comfortable with it, maybe I could bring you your gift sometime. Instead of mailing it."
Harry and Y/N both know that this discussion is no longer about whatever thing she bought with him in mind. It's a proposal — a leap of faith that she's leaving in Harry's court, allowing him to call the shots. It's a terrifying place to be. 
"Would you want that?" he asks breathily, nibbling on his bottom lip.
"I would," she replies almost instantly. "But only if you want that."
She's making the jump, and she's doing it whether he's ballsy enough or not. If he says no, she'll continue living her life as the happy-go-lucky person she is. It's scary — it's so, so scary for him, because for once, he doesn't know how things will end up. He can't calculate the answer. He can't premeditate or plan it out. 
But maybe she's worth it. So he jumps, too.
"Are you free tomorrow?"
. . .
Y/N thinks she may throw up. 
She's contemplated every excuse to get out of tonight — not because she doesn't want to meet Harry, but because she's never, ever done this before. It's entirely out of her comfort zone, understandably. Was she being insane, meeting up with one of her subscribers? She doesn't think Harry gives off serial killer vibes, and he's more than just someone subscribed to her stream, but was it possible that he would put in months of work, talking to her on the phone every day and listening to her chatter on and on about her day, just to do something awful?
What if he expected... more? From her, not just physically, but as a person, too. They still haven't revealed their faces to one another, so she knows tonight is bound to be a lot. Which brings her back to her previous point: Was there an excuse she could blurt out to cancel?
She thinks about it all day, barely getting any work done. Though she and Harry typically exchange far more texts during the day, the tension and nervousness between them both is apparent. He messaged her good morning and they spoke a bit when she got to work, but neither of them seemed as talkative as usual.
Finally, when it's time to head home, she's somewhat relying on Sam to ask her to stay back and work later — but of course, the one day that she wants him to, he left early, calling an end to his day hours ago. With a grumble, Y/N begins the short trek back to her place.
Last night, when she was apparently much higher on courage, she and Harry had decided that 7 would be a good time to meet up. He offered to go to hers if it made it more comfortable, or even getting dinner or something in public. Y/N appreciated it, but she didn't find it necessary — she wanted to be able to leave at a moment's notice if she needed to, plus, on the bright side, she really wanted to meet his cat, Beatrice. 
When she gets home, she has 30 minutes before she has to be over at his. She decides to change her outfit, nitpicking at her wardrobe and figuring out what's the best way to say, "I've really enjoyed our virtual conversations over the past few months and I have a crush on you, but maybe not because we've never met before. Also, if you could just forget how we *technically* met so we could attempt to have a real shot at a relationship, maybe, that could be cool." 
Sighing, she lays back against her bed. This is crazy, right?
This has to be crazy.
. . .
Harry thinks he may have lost any and all inklings of sanity.
"Beatrice, is this crazy?" he wonders aloud to his snuggly cat. She's currently tucked into her favorite corner of the couch, nuzzling the pink sherpa blanket his mom bought him for Christmas last year. 
He logged off from work an hour early today to give him some time to clean up his apartment, wanting to make sure it was spotless for Y/N. They halfway decided that they'd eat dinner together, but he wasn't sure if she had any dietary preferences or allergies, so he figured getting take-out from the local Chinese place they both like would be the best option. (How awful would that be, if he tried to cook her a romantic meal and instead gave her an allergic reaction? Harry shudders at the mere thought of it.)
He spends far too long standing in front of his closet with a sleepy Beatrice in his arms, trying to figure out the best outfit to wear. Typically, he's in a pair of sweats or athletic shorts at this time, but that felt too casual. 
"What about these?" he asks Beatrice, grabbing a pair of his favorite mustard yellow trousers. "You're right, they're too much. We want to appear cool. Right?"
She simply meows in response.
He hands are shaking when his phone dings, signifying an incoming text from Y/N: on my way!! see you soon :). He lets out a nervous yelp, pulling at his hair as he throws himself into his closet. Based on what she told him last night about living close by, she'll be here in around 10 minutes, so he settles on a cozy sweatshirt and a pair of loose fitting jeans.
That'll be fine, right? 
God, he needs to find someone else to talk to besides himself and his cat.
He's pulling on a pair of his favorite wool socks, haphazardly jogging between the bathroom and his room to finish getting ready. He applies an extra coat of deodorant (just in case!), spritzes on some cologne (his sister got it for him a few years back, she said it seemed like 'his scent', whatever that meant), and runs a hand through his messy curls, trying to make his hair look sort of styled. To this day, he's not really sure how to style it, instead just letting it air dry every time he showers. 
His eye catches the time as he traipses back downstairs. It's 6:58. He wonders if she'll be early or late. What if she doesn't come at all? What if she just decides to stand him up, because... because this is insane. This is insane behavior. 
And then... his phone dings. 
here i think!! sorry im really bad w directions and I walked here lol
. . .
Every single part of her anxious brain is telling Y/N to turn around and go back home. This a terrible idea, she frets, picking at her nails and swallowing tightly, Turn around. Turn around, turn around, turn around—
"Y/N?"
Her head snaps up. In complete honesty, she assumed she was standing in front of the wrong townhouse — she really is bad with directions, so she's slightly shocked when the door in front of her opens, revealing a very attractive man. 
"Harry...?" Y/N asks, testing out the way it feels to call him his name in person. With a slightly bashful facial expression, he nods. 
"Do you— did you want to come in?"
She nods, suddenly feeling how cold the evening is. The later hour brought a chill to the air, one that feels like it has a promise of snow. She hopes she's wrong since she really doesn't want to walk home in freezing temperatures, but thoughts of the weather are ripped from her mind the second Harry politely guides her in.
She toes her boots off at the entryway, gently placing them next to his own pair of Adidas sneakers. She can feel him behind her, only because the front hall is too small for someone to pass by — but if she's being honest, she doesn't think she minds his hovering warmth. All she wants to do is turn around and analyze him. 
She doesn't know what to do — she's being awkward, they both are — so she turns around, not wanting to just welcome herself into his home. 
It turns out, he's far closer than she had originally anticipated. Nearly bumping into his chest, she gasps in surprise, lifting a hand to her heart like she's an actress in a bad scary movie. It makes Harry chuckle breathily, melting the ice ever so slightly.
"You alright?" he asks, "Sorry, it's a bit small in here. It's just me and Beatrice, so I don't need much room."
"Beatrice!" Y/N remembers with wide eyes. "Where is she?"
Harry hums, taking the opportunity to brush past Y/N. She swallows, inhaling his spicy vanilla scent in his wake. It sends an involuntary shiver down her spine as she follows him to the living room. 
"Here she is," he coos, scooping her up from the floor and into his arms. Y/N's heart warms at the sight of a tall, attractive man holding a sweet kitten. "She's been very lethargic all day. Think she likes the winter just 'cos she gets more snuggles out of it."
"'s cute," she mumbles, biting her lip. Her eyes flicker to Harry's face. She seems to be more enamored by his appearance than hers. She wasn't expecting him by any means to fall to his knees and praise her for her beauty, and supposes it makes sense considering he's seen far more of her than she's seen of him. She's somewhat lost in those thoughts when she accidentally blurts the words out, her eyes going wide:
"You're cute."
Harry glances up, his cheeks glowing a pink hue almost immediately. "Sorry?"
Well, can't back down now, she thinks to herself. Swallowing, she forces her mouth to form around the words again. "You're cute," she repeats. "Sorry. That just kind of came out. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, this is just.... y'know, the first time I'm seeing you."
He clears his throat and bites his bottom lip, almost as if he's trying to hide a smile creeping at the edges of his lips. 
"I think you're beautiful," he says softly, and the compliment makes her heart glow in her chest, "I didn't want to mention anything about appearances, 'cos I know maybe you were expecting someone different, but—"
"What do you mean?" she asks with furrowed brows. "I didn't have any expectations."
"Well, that's good. I guess I just wasn't sure if you were anticipating someone... else."
It takes a second for the words to click in her brain. Then, with a wrinkle between her eyebrows, she reaches out to lightly grasp at his elbow, willing his attention to shift from Beatrice to her. 
"Harry, do you not find yourself attractive?"
It's a loaded question for any other first-time-meet-up, but at this point in their relationship, they've divulged a ton of information. She doesn't necessarily feel like much is off limits anymore. 
Harry shrugs, mentally weighing his answer. "I mean, I think I'm just... fine."
"Fine?" Y/N repeats. "I'm not bullshitting you and I'm sorry if this makes you feel weird, but you're one of the most attractive men I've ever met."
He scoffs, allowing Beatrice to jump out of his arms. She leaps down to the floor, as if she's also feeling the intensity of the conversation and wants to be as far away from it as possible. With his hands now free, he sits down on the edge of his blue L-shaped couch, Y/N following suit. She sits across from him, watching as he wrings his hands together in his lap. 
"I feel like that's probably a lie, you—"
"I told you I'm not bullshitting you."
Her response makes him laugh softly. "Yeah, but your whole career is based on, like... being attractive. I mean, look at you — you've definitely met more good looking people than me."
"Do you think I often meet up with people I meet from my streams?" Y/N asks, tilting her head to the side with a mocking smile. He knows she doesn't, because they discussed this multiple times before. "I don't know anyone in real life. Not from there, at least. You're the only one."
Harry shrugs his shoulders. "I guess it's just a little surprising."
"There's nothing to be surprised about," she reassures him gently. In an act of courage, she doesn't think much before her hand lands on his knee, giving it a light squeeze. "I want to be here. With you. I care about you."
A smile curls at the edges of his lips. 
"So," she says, leaning back against the plushy cushions of his couch, "What were you thinking for dinner?"
. . .
Once the awkward tension melts between the two, it's as if they've known each other forever. 
They order food and talk about everything and anything while Friends plays quietly in the background. Secretly, Y/N is over the moon — she never could have imagined things going this well between them. 
It's only when she yawns loudly, feeling exhaustion begin to seep into her bones that she realizes how late it is. When she glances at her phone to check the time, her eyes bulge. 
"Harry! It's 1 am, you should've kicked me out ages ago!" she exclaims, sitting up. With furrowed brows and puffy, sleepy eyes, he turns to look at her. 
"Didn't even realize it was that late," he mumbles, suppressing a yawn of his own. "By the way, I would never kick you out."
She shakes her head with a small smile and rises from the couch. "C'mon, walk me out."
He nods and follows her out of the living room, back down to the hallway where she left her coat and shoes. With his arms crossed over his chest, he leans his hip against the wall, watching as she gets ready to leave. He wishes there was a way he could ask her to stay. 
"Text me when you get home, alright?" he says lowly. Once she fits her boots over her feet, she straightens, nodding her head. 
"I will," she murmurs. She can't help it when her eyes quickly flit down to his lips, a zip of anxiety firing through her chest. She so badly wants to kiss him. And, as if they're both elongating their goodbyes, he clears his throat before toeing his own shoes on.
"I'll walk you to your car." 
"Oh, I walked here," she replies, stuffing her arms into her navy puffer jacket. 
Harry furrows his eyebrows. "You walked?"
"Yeah, of course. We're only, like, 10 minutes away from each other, you know."
"Babe..." Harry sighs, the pet name nearly making her drool, "Didn't you see there's a huge snowstorm slated for tonight? They predicted a few inches by midnight."
Y/N's eyes widen. "Really?"
He laughs lightly before nodding his head. He gingerly wraps his hand around the doorknob to the front door, pulling it open just enough to where Y/N can see massive snowflakes falling from puffy clouds above. It's freezing, a cold chill making her shudder just from the quick peek outside. 
"Fuck." she mutters, pulling her jacket closer to her body. 
"Stay," he blurts out, glancing down at her shorter stature. "I... you can sleep in my bed and I'll sleep down here. I just don't want you going out in that. It's late."
The nerves are apparent in his shaky voice, but nonetheless, Y/N's nodding her head before he even finishes what he's saying. 
"Okay." she breathes. "Can I borrow some pajamas?"
"Yeah, of course."
She follows him up to his bedroom, where he pulls a pair of sweatpants and a vintage tee-shirt out from his dresser. The room is clean, unsurprisingly so — if she's learned anything about Harry tonight, it's that he takes good care of his space, which she considers to be a great trait. His bed is made, his nightstand free from dust and only donning one of those fancy sunrise alarm clocks and a reusable water bottle. 
He hands them to her, "I'll give you some privacy."
She nods with a small smile, murmuring out a thank you. Once he shuts the door behind him, she quickly sheds her own clothing and folds it neatly before pulling on his clothes. A moment or so later, he knocks politely, waiting for her to let him know if it's okay to come in. 
"You're good," she calls out. He twists the doorknob open and stands in the entryway with a spare pillow and blanket tucked beneath his arm.
"I'm gonna change and head downstairs, but let me know if you need anything."
They stand there, looking at one another as if they're waiting for the other to say what's on both of their minds. When the silence remains, he flashes her a tight smile and turns around. 
"Wait!" she exclaims, mentally cringing at the high-pitched tone of her voice. "Will you stay for a bit?"
Harry's shoulders visibly deflate. Once again, he bites his lip, as if he's trying to hide a smile. 
"Yeah. I can stay."
They move silently but it's like they've performed this dance a million times before. She watches as he peels back the blankets on his bed, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. He turns the light off before smoothing over the cotton sheets, as if he's making sure they're suitable for her to lay in. 
"Lemme just throw some sweats on," he mumbles, striding over to his dresser, "Get comfortable, okay?"
He excuses himself to the bathroom, where he slowly undresses himself and pulls on a cozy pair of sweatpants. He typically sleeps naked or just in a pair of briefs, but he would never even dream of doing anything remotely like that with Y/N in his bed. 
Fuck. Y/N's in his bed.
He swallows tightly and tries to ward off the anxiety bubbling in his chest, taking time to wash his face and brush his teeth. When he's elongated the process enough, he returns to the bedroom to find her laying down and curled up in his blankets. It's almost as if she knew what side Harry typically sleeps on, opting for the one that's always empty.
"Are you comfortable?" Harry asks quietly as he moves through the dark, dumping his clothes from today in the hamper. She hums softly, a pretty sound that makes his length jump in his sweatpants. 
"Your bed is nice." she murmurs. He chuckles and gets in next to her, leaving enough space between them so he doesn't crowd her space. 
"I'm glad you think so. Want you to sleep well tonight."
Despite the exhaustion permeating from both of their bodies, Y/N finds it difficult to get completely comfortable, to the point where she could fall asleep. She can't help the excitement buzzing in her bones from being next to Harry — her fleetwoodlondon tipper. 
"Are you still awake?" she whispers. 
He doesn't answer immediately, which leads her to believe he's already fallen asleep. But then, he shifts onto his side, tucking his hands beneath his cheek to face her. "Mhm. What's wrong?"
She shrugs. "Nothing. Just not sleepy enough yet."
"Do you want me to talk to you about computer engineering? That'll knock you out in seconds."
She giggles, flipping onto her side and mimicking his position. She nibbles on her bottom lip as she assesses his features in the darkness of his bedroom — the slope of his nose, his two slightly overlapped front teeth, the dull sharpness of his cheekbones. 
"No, but you can talk to me about other stuff."
"Hmm," he says, placing his hand down against the mattress between them. Instinctively, she reaches out to intertwine their fingers together. His heart speeds up. "What was that gift you were supposed to give me tonight?"
Her cheeks redden and she's grateful he can't see the nervousness that pops up on her face. 
"It's not important." she rushes out. 
"That's not an answer," he sing-songs, giving her hand a squeeze, "C'mon, tell me."
"It's embarrassing now."
He quirks an eyebrow. "Embarrassing?"
She nods.
"How so?"
"Well... it was more so for when we didn't know we lived close to each other. Before we decided to meet in person."
"Okay...?" 
"I got us Bluetooth sex toys." she blurts out with a warm face. The heat from her shame travels down the length of her body, making her sweat beneath his gaze. "Um, I got a cock ring for you and a vibrator for me. So we could control them for each other. I bough them the day after you, um, told me what to do on my stream. It's stupid now, and I'm sorry if that's crossing a huge boundary since I know we haven't done anything like that in a month, so maybe you've changed your mind—"
"I haven't changed my mind." he cuts her off. "I still watch every one of your streams."
She swallows harshly. "Really?"
"I never miss one," he admits. "And the fact that you thought of me like that and... got us those is... it's really hot, Y/N."
Her core throbs. It's the first time she's heard him talk like this not over text or private messaging. She squeezes her thighs together as she bites on her bottom lip, attempting to slow her breathing to a normal pace. 
"You think so?" she breathes. 
"Yeah."
Even without a single light on in his bedroom, she can feel his intense gaze on her. Unhurriedly, she moves her leg closer to his, wiggling it to fit between his thighs. He welcomes her touch without a word. 
"I really liked when you dominated me that night," she whispers. Perhaps it's a confession that doesn't need to be verbalized — he knows she adored it not only because she asked for it, but because she came in record time, too. Since that evening, he hasn't stopped thinking how he watched her hole clench around her fingers because of him. She moaned his name — or rather, his honorific — over and over again. Every time he's gone to jerk off without watching her stream, it's all he's needed to think about, blurts of cum spraying his stomach not a few minutes later.
"I liked doing it." he murmurs. She begins to move her foot up and down the length of his calf, the feeling of her soft skin making him shiver. 
"What else did you like?"
The tip of his tongue peeks out to lick over his lips. What a loaded question — he likes just about everything she does, but that was a guaranteed cop-out of an answer. 
"I liked hearing you call me daddy," he confesses lowly. "Liked watching you. Thought about you bouncing on my cock and finishing that way."
She hums, closing the distance between them without even realizing it. Their chests are pressed up against each other's, her puffy nipples now stiff peaks beneath the soft fabric of his tee-shirt. He can feel himself thickening up steadily, though he's sure he would've gotten hard just by sleeping next to her. 
"I think I would let you do just about anything you want to me," she admits, nibbling on her bottom lip, "You turn me on so much... I don't even think you realize it."
He huffs in disbelief, snaking an arm around her waist to gently tug her impossibly closer. He gives her hip a small squeeze as a test — he's been thinking about throwing her around like a doll for months on end, but her comfort is his top priority, always. 
"What does 'anything' entail?" he asks. He knows he's asking for trouble now, that there's no returning from this. There's no way that this night won't end with him balls deep inside of her, thrusting his cum into her pussy until she's squealing and pushing him away from overstimulation.
"Well, for starters, you can take me however you want," she says, trailing soft fingertips down his chest. She stops at his abs and he breathes in sharply, willing her to continue her journey downwards. "From behind, me on top... wherever and whenever you want. Don't care if we're in public, either. I'd love to show you off and make sure everyone knows I cum for you."
He groans, head tilting back slightly from her possessive words. "More," he demands gruffly.
"Want you to use all my toys on me... tie me up, press a vibrator to my clit until I can't see straight anymore," her fingers meet his hips, lightly feeling over his cock underneath his sweatpants. "Have you watched the shows where I squirt?"
"Of course I have, pretty baby."
Her chest warms at the nickname. As if it's a reward, her hand dips beneath his sweatpants, gasping in mock surprise when she finds that he's not wearing underwear. Better yet, he's hard and aching for her.
"I have no doubt that I'd squirt for you." 
She punctuates her sentence by wrapping her hand around the base of his cock, giving it a cursory squeeze. A short, low groan sounds from his chest before he's grabbing her arm and giving her a sharp look. Alarmed, she quickly removes her hand. 
"I'm sorry. Was that too much? Did I misunderstand?"
"Not at all," he mutters, getting up onto his knees. His other hand finds her free wrist, raising both of her arms above her head. She gasps out in surprise. "I just think it's cute that you think after watching you get off for months, you think I wouldn't want first dibs on this pussy."
Y/N giggles, relief flushing through her chest at the knowledge that she didn't do anything wrong. Keeping her arms propped up with one of his large hands, he uses the other to tug her sweatpants down. Just like him, she's decided to go underwear-free this evening.
"You're glistening already. Dripping down to your cute little ass." 
His words make her swallow harshly. She knew from that one conversation that he was an expert at dirty talk, but hearing it in person was an entirely different game. One that she surely would never forget.
He uses two of his fingertips to spread her labia, breathing out fiercely at the sight of the strings of arousal. With his fingers in a v-shape, he watches as the pretty ribbons snap each time he moves his digits up and down, issuing a light massage to the skin between her lips and thighs. 
"You're so much prettier in person." he murmurs. "I've watched you cum so many times, but... nothing compares to the real thing. You know that, pretty baby?"
A pathetic whimper falls from her swollen lips. "Stop teasing, daddy."
His heart thuds at the name. It's a weak spot, especially hearing it come from her. Watching her hole pulsate around nothing, he decides he wants — no, needs — nothing more than to lean forward and wrap his lips around her pearled clit. Her taste is heady and delicious and he's instantly hooked, especially when she curls her leg around his shoulder, pressing her heel into his back to pull him closer. She moans loudly as he sucks messily, his eyes rolling back when he feels the swollen bundle throb in his mouth.
"So good," she whines, "'s so good daddy, fuck."
He can tell that she needs minimal prep, but his suspicion is only proven right when he pushes a finger inside, her hole immediately sucking him in. He prods at her g-spot, eliciting another mewl from her pretty mouth. He thinks he could cum just from this — from sucking at her clit and fingering her deep inside, feeling her thrash around beneath him as her orgasm builds. 
"Fuck— wait, wait," she pants out. Harry instantly stops, removing his hands and mouth from her. He looks up with concerned eyes and she smiles a hazy, gentle grin, pushing her hand through his messy hair. "Can you edge me? I wanna cum on your cock, daddy."
He thinks he may faint on the spot. 
"Whatever you want, pretty." 
She laughs breezily when he surges forward once more, nudging the tip of his tongue into her wet hole. She gasps as he thrusts it in and out, lifting his free hand to rub circles into her sensitive clit. The sensation of her pussy clenching around the width of his tongue is almost too much to handle for both of them. 
He waits for her to tell him when she's almost at the edge, but it doesn't take much more. Soon enough, she's panting and pushing him away, whimpering out that she's nearly there. 
"Can I ride you, please?" she nearly begs, her eyes widened and watery, "Please, need to feel you deep inside."
He chuckles at her desperation, sitting up on his heels to thumb at her bottom lip. He pulls it and lets snap back. 
"Only if you give me a kiss, baby."
She scrambles onto her knees, billowing forward to press her lips messily to his. It's wet and hot, especially with the heady taste of her arousal on his tongue. He groans when she begins to suck at it, overwhelmed by her enthusiasm as he gives her hip a squeeze. When he breaks their kiss, he presses a quick one to her nose before maneuvering her body so she's straddling his waist. She rolls her hips urgently, his cock spreading her labia deliciously. It's a gorgeous sight — one Harry never wants to forget.
"Put me in." he instructs, folding his hands behind his head. 
With shaky hands, she lifts up slightly, granting herself just enough room so she can lower onto his length. The second the tip pops through her tight walls, they're both moaning loudly, her eyes fluttering shut. Harry forces his to stay open so he can memorize the way she looks taking him for the first time. 
"Take your time," he murmurs, breaking his dominant persona for a moment, "Don't force yourself, pretty baby. Give yourself a second."
"I can take it," she pouts, grinding down against his pelvic bone. She whimpers, her hand flying to her stomach. "Fuck— fuck, I can feel you in here, daddy."
"Told you, silly girl," he says with a smirk, his hands finding her hips with a squeeze. "Take your time. Don't need you getting hurt."
This time, she listens to him and allows herself a few moments to adjust. Once it doesn't feel like he's punching through to her cervix, she bounces once in experimentation, just to make sure she can really, truly take it. 
"Why didn't you ever mention— oh— that you're fucking massive?" she whimpers out as she begins to bounce up and down. He laughs, though it quickly gets cut short when he begins to properly feel the tightness of her pussy.
"Guess it never came up." he mutters through gritted teeth. 
His hands remaining on her hips, he helps her maintain her rhythm. He swallows harshly as he watches her breasts jiggle in time with her dropping up and down, never once allowing his cock to shift. 
"'m gonna cum soon," she babbles out. As if on cue, Harry feels her hole pulsating around his length, making his eyes roll back.
"Show me," he demands, steadying her hips with his hands. He starts to thrust up into her, watching as her jaw falls slack from the slight but sudden switch in position. "There you go, baby. Take daddy's cock like you were made for it. Cum all over me."
He never doubted it, but god she's good at taking directions. Within a few seconds, she's clenching and coming all over his cock, whiney mewls falling from her lips as her orgasm washes over her. She moans out his honorific repeatedly, just like she did all those months ago. The sight and sound of her sopping wet pussy sucking in his length is enough to send him to his own peak, abs clenching as he fucks up into her, filling her to the brim with his warm come. 
"Fuck, take it pretty girl, there you go," he groans loudly.
When each of their orgasms eventually taper off, the only thing that fills the room is the sound of their haphazard breathing. Gently, she lifts off, her hands pressing down against his chest. She feels his mess slowly seeping out of her. 
"'m sorry," he runs his hand through his hair, realizing that he finished in her without discussing it. "I should've asked—"
"No, it's fine. I'm on birth control. I wouldn't have wanted you to finish anywhere else." she admits bashfully, her cheeks rosy in a post-orgasm flush. "It's just... uncomfortable once it's over."
"Of course. Let me grab a towel to clean you up."
She nods graciously as she gradually flips onto her back. Harry returns a moment later, wiping his length clean before nestling between her thighs to wash the evidence of their sex away.
"Thank you," Y/N mumbles sleepily. "No one's ever done this for me before."
Harry scoffs. If he wasn't so exhausted, he would have pressed for more details, insisting that this wasn't something worth thanking him for. Instead, he simply tosses the towel in the hamper and gets back underneath the blankets. 
"Can we cuddle?" she asks quietly, lifting her head to look at him. He smiles, extending his arm so she can nestle into his side. 
"C'mere, pretty."
. . .
The next morning, Harry wakes up with Y/N tucked into his chest. They're still naked, but the warmth of her soft body feels incredible. So much so, that he wonders if he's stuck in some sort of dream. 
He realizes it's not when she begins to stir in his arms. When she bats her eyelashes open, her eyes puffy with sleep, she smiles gently. 
"Morning." 
Harry matches her smile. In a leap of faith, he leans down to press a kiss to her lips. Even after last night's events, he's unsure if this is appropriate. He's not sure if it was supposed to be a one night stand type of situation, but considering she didn't get up in the middle of the night and leave, he entertains the idea that it may be a bit more than that.
"Good morning," he returns, watching as her face glows from his brief kiss. "What time do you have to be at work?"
She groans and it immediately makes him feel guilty. She leans up onto her elbows, the edge of the comforter hiding the peeks of her nipples as she glances at the time. It's already 8:10. 
"I'm supposed to be there at 9," she replies, laying back down against the pillows. It looks like the wheels are churning in her head as she mindlessly fits her fingers between his.
"What are you thinking about?" he murmurs lowly, pressing a kiss to her temple.
"Calling in sick," she admits. "Is it ridiculous that I don't want to leave?"
He chuckles, though a wave of relief washes over him. He had been thinking the same — he wanted to make her breakfast and have him in his bed all day, lean over and pepper kisses all over her face and watch as she wrinkles her nose in that cute way she does. 
"Not ridiculous. We've spent months talking to each other, think we deserve some time together," he says, "In fact... if you call out, I'll do it, too."
"Really?" she asks with raised eyebrows.
"Sure. I have weeks of paid time that I've never used."
She grins and nods her head, "Okay. Yeah, that sounds good. Could we hang out all day? Maybe watch some movies and snuggle with Beatrice?"
"That sounds perfect, pretty girl." he replies, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. He sits up and grabs his clothes from the floor, pulling his sweatpants on before he heads down to his home office. 
"Wait!" she grabs his arm, pulling gently. He quirks an eyebrow and looks at her expectedly. "Could we... do you think we can maybe use those toys I bought us?"
The warm flush that flowers over her cheeks makes his heart squeeze in his chest. 
"Anything you want, baby," he murmurs with a small smile, "Anything you want."
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tightjeansjavi · 4 months
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⟡ sentiments n’ bubbly ⟡
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A/N: so, this one another one of my post shower thoughts that has now transformed into this little fic 🥹 this time of the year is a struggle for myself and for others, and I hope it can bring us all a bit of peace before the new year 🤍
~word count: 4.5k~
pairing | Joel Miller x f!reader
Summary: it’s NYE and you find yourself in Joel Miller’s coffee shop. He’s a firm believer that no one deserves to spend New Year’s Eve alone.
Warnings: angst, fluff, no age gap, discussions of self image issues, bullying, food/eating, language, anxiety, fear of social situations, fomo, mentions of therapy, NYE blues, self deprecating thoughts, flirting, meet-cute, no outbreak/modern day AU, Sarah and Tommy exist in this universe, soft!joel, mentions of alcohol, reader has no physical descriptions such as body type or skin color, some content included may be triggering for some as Joel and the reader have some very real conversations about life. +18 minors dni!
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It’s New Year's Eve. The official last day of the year. A whole 365 days has come and gone, and yet, you find yourself feeling the same way you did last year. It wasn’t like you had a particularly terrible life or anything of the sorts, but you still had your struggles. Your daily contemplations over whether you were doing enough, being enough in your little life. You try to focus on all the good that happened in those 365 days of life.
All the laughter, smiles, the warm fuzzy feelings that you found yourself chasing more often than none. The bad times always find their way to trickle in and weasel into your conscience like an infection. The truth is that you know life comes with both good and bad memories. But why is it so hard to push back the bad? Why is it so easy to beat yourself down? You could have done this better, you shouldn’t have said the things you said, did you remember to turn your out of office on before you left the office?
Shit. There was that one email I didn’t get to.
Maybe you find yourself trying to cram in as many last minute tasks before the new year. Closet clean out? You haven’t worn that sweater in months..yet, you find yourself holding onto it because it was a gift from a dear friend, and you don’t want to unintentionally hurt their feelings by donating or regifting it.
Fridge clean out? Well, it does say that horseradish never expires..but you can never be too careful!
Clean your living space from top to bottom? Maybe next year you’ll invest in cleaner products for both the earth and your brain cells. Bleach can be awfully nasty to deal with.
Your phone buzzes on the coffee table in front of you. Leftovers are your meal of choice for the evening. You spent hours cleaning your kitchen, and you’d rather not have to do another wipe down till tomorrow.
Hey, are you sure you don’t want to come out with us tonight? We’re leaving in an hour!
It's not that you don’t want to go out with your friends, it’s the steps before getting out the door that have always been a struggle for you.
What if my outfit doesn’t look the way I planned it out in my head?
What if I completely botch this makeup look?
What if the club is too packed?
You hate feeling this way, often thinking you’re a burden to your friends because you're constantly planning ahead of time. Living in the moment for you has always been tough. A gray area that sometimes you have found yourself making peace with, and other times you just wish you could be different.
You reach for your phone while you’re already mentally planning the steps in order to get ready in time. Being late is never an option, even when it’s just a fun night out in town.
Hey, I thought it over and I’d love to come out with you guys :) see you soon!
You send the text in a flash before tossing your half eaten slice of pizza onto the coffee table and rush to your room.
You tear up every inch of your closet looking for the perfect outfit. It's New Year’s Eve after all, and you want to be shimmering like a grand disco ball.
The outfit is on, and you look great! It turned out even better than you pictured it in your head. But the longer you stare in the mirror.
Fuck. Can’t I just turn my brain off for one night? Please?
And there it is, again. That gnawing little voice inside your head that pops up, gleaming and waving its hand just in case you forgot that it existed.
You aren’t actually going to wear that..are you?
It looks all wrong.
And you’re going to be freezing—
Your friends are going to look 10x better than you—
“ENOUGH!” You shout to no one in particular before you stomp off to the bathroom.
After taking a deep breath, you pull out your array of makeup from one of the bathroom drawers. Pinterest becomes your best friend again while you scroll to find a makeup look that screams you.
Bold. Glittery. Too much glitter?
There is never such a thing as too much glitter. You remind that little voice inside of your head.
Even with your ‘going out playlist’ on full blast, you feel your confidence begin to shrink and diminish as you stare at your painted face in the mirror. It’s not exactly like the picture you found on Pinterest, but there’s no time for you to change it now.
Your phone buzzes again, and this time it’s your friends sending you a group picture of all of them pregaming in their glittery outfits and bright smiles. You heart the message before typing back,
Wow, you guys look amazing! Please don’t be mad, I’m just not feeling up for it tonight. I hope you guys have a blast and stay safe! :)
Your friends understand, because they know that this has always been a struggle for you. A sore spot that hasn’t exactly quite healed the way you wish it had. It’s hard to dig yourself out of a hole that you dug, but you're grateful that they have always been so understanding.
No worries, we love you, and Happy New Year!
And all you feel is guilt.
But instead of wallowing away in your apartment, you grab your coat, purse and keys before making the final decision to go out.
You find yourself outside of a coffee shop just down the block from your apartment. You passed by it everyday during your commute to work, but you never found yourself going in, until now.
The coffee shop is found to be empty as most people are already out to dinner or at a party. It’s somewhat comforting that it’s just you and the lone barista who hadn’t heard you come in yet. His back is turned to you while he wipes down one of the counters, humming to himself as he moves about.
You're immediately drawn into how cozy everything feels. From the decor to the crackling fireplace to the soft music playing through the speakers.
The man turns then, towel gently grasped in his hand when he finally registers that he’s no longer alone. He takes in your attire, finding it odd that someone all dressed up for the evening found themselves here. Then he remembered how his daughter told him it’s rude to judge strangers because you never know what the next person is going through.
He smiles warmly instead. “Hey there, I was uh—jus’ about to close up for the evenin’ but can I get you anythin?’” He’s got a face that you already know you’re going to have a hard time forgetting. Strong built frame, yet soft in all the right places and despite his exterior appearing to be hardened, he seems friendly enough.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I hadn’t noticed that you were closing up for the night..I don’t want to keep you here. I can always come back another time?”
He detects the way your face slightly begins to fall as he lightly taps his fingers along the counter top he just finished wiping down. “S’alright. I forgot to change the sign out front so that’s all on me. So, what can I get ya? It’s on the house.” He gestured to the menu board above his head.
You hesitated for a moment as you didn’t want to inconvenience this man who probably had his own New Year’s Eve plans to get to. “Are you..sure? I really don’t mind coming back another day.”
“S’alright, I promise. I don’t have anywhere important I need to be anyway.” He said with a slight shrug.
“No fun New Year's Eve plans? And I’ll take a cappuccino, please.” You stepped closer to the counter as you reached into your purse for your wallet.
“Nah. ‘Supposed to meet my brother at a bar nearby for a couple drinks, but he can wait a little longer.” He was already reaching his hand out to stop you from pulling out your wallet, when your eyes met his.
“For the tip.” You said with a smile while placing a couple five dollar bills into the tip jar.
“Oh, thank you. ‘Awfully kind of ya.” He responds softly, out of surprise because most people never bothered to tip. He might even be blushing a little..but he can’t really tell. Maybe it was just the steam from the espresso machine.
“It’s no problem. Gotta support small businesses, y’know?”
He nods in understanding. “Yeah, it’s the least people can do. Anyway, I’ll get that Cappuccino goin’ for ya. Feel free to sit wherever.” He gestured to the empty tables.
The table closest to the fireplace ended up being the one you ultimately chose. It happened to also be his favorite spot as well, go figure.
On any other occasion, Joel would call the customer's name once their drink was ready, but given the current circumstances..and the fact that he hadn’t asked for your name, bringing the coffee to you was perfectly acceptable.
“Here’s that Cappuccino for ya.” His voice drawled above you as he set the mug down in front of you. “Let me know if I can getcha anythin’ else. I’ll just be in the back finishin’ up with the cleanin.’”
“Thank you..” you start to say before realizing that you don’t know this man’s name either.
“Joel.” He clears his throat. “My name is Joel, and you are?..”
You tell him your name and he nods with a small smile.
You're left alone to your thoughts as his footsteps disappear behind the countertop once more. You can faintly hear him busying himself and putzing around as your cappuccino begins to cool without you realizing it.
You find yourself vacantly staring through the windows, and the dimly lit streets and passerby’s. You’ve always had a fond love for people watching and imagining what their lives were like. What their jobs and aspirations were. Did they have a family waiting for them? What made them happy? Would they be able to relate to you?
You don’t even hear Joel’s approaching footsteps nearing the table until he’s saying your name with an edge of concern in his voice because you’ve neglected to have a single sip of your cappuccino that has now become room temperature.
Your eyes meet his deep brown warm ones as your own sense of confusion washes over you.
“Is everythin’ alright? You haven’t touched your cappuccino at all..” he’s not offended, nor hurt, but the empath in him is genuinely concerned, even though you’re just a stranger in his coffee shop.
“Oh.” Your voice falls flat. “I’m so sorry, Joel. I guess I got lost in my own thoughts and completely forgot about it.” You feel bad, awful actually because he took the time to make you this drink, and all you had to do was just drink it—
“Hey, it’s alright. I find myself getting lost in my own thoughts as well. But, I can’t have ya drinkin’ a cold Cappuccino. I’ll make you a new one, alright? It’s no trouble at all.” He’s already reaching over to grab the mug.
“Joel, are you sure? You really don’t have to—”
He cuts you off reassuringly, “I insist. I won’t have my customer drinkin’ a cold Cappuccino on my watch. Ain’t no way.”
He disappears back behind the counter before you are able to protest. Joel returns 10 minutes later with two mugs in hand. You listen to the sound of the chair across from you scraping before he slowly sits down.
“I uh—hope you don’t mind me joinin’ ya? You jus’ seem like you could use some company, darlin.’ S’that alright for me to call you darlin?’”
He’s sweet like warm sticky molasses and honey. He actually might be the nicest guy you’ve met in a long long time.
“Oh, I don’t mind at all, Joel. I could actually use the company, and you can call me darling. That’s alright with me too.”
He smiles at you over the rim of his mug that is clasped between his hands. He gently blows on the billowing steam before he takes a small sip. “So, do you have any fun plans for the evenin’? I’m only assumin’ cus’ you’re all dressed up for a night out in town.” He gestures to your glittery getup that sparkles under the warm flames.
“Well, I did have plans to meet up with some friends tonight..but I wasn’t feeling up for it in the end and somehow ended up here.” You said with a sigh before taking a sip of your own Cappuccino. “This is delicious, by the way.”
“How come?..if ya don’t mind me askin?’ And I’m glad you’re enjoyin’ it. Tastes a lot better when it’s hot.”
The last thing you expected tonight was to engage in a conversation about your daily anxieties with this absolutely gorgeous man. Whom you just met, but crazier things have happened before.
“I don’t mind you asking, Joel. I just don’t want to burden you with my troubles or anything. Especially since I think they’re a bit silly and blown out of proportion.” Your eyes casted downwards into the mug.
“Hey, I doubt you can do that, and between you and me? I’ve heard it all. Got a teenage daughter who’s goin’ through all the things that I’m tryin’ to understand..but as a single father, it’s fuckin’ tough sometimes. But I’d be happy to act as a listenin’ ear for ya.” He genuinely means it, too.
“You have a daughter? How old is she? Teenagers can be a handful, that is very true.” You responded thoughtfully while leaning back against the chair.
You watch the way his eyes light up like a Christmas tree when you show a genuine interest in this man’s life. It’s sometimes a rare occurrence to meet a stranger who you feel like you can just immediately open up to without thinking too hard about it.
“She just turned 13 this year. She’s a good kid, super smart. The kinda kid that probably will end up growin’ up and changin’ the world. She’s..well, my world.” He clears his throat and you notice his dimple poking out in his cheek.
As if this man couldn’t become any more attractive.
“Anyway, she’s already goin’ through some friend and boy drama and it’s jus’ a lot to keep up with. Her mom ain’t in the picture either, so it’s not like I can turn to her for any guidance. She went to her first ever school dance this year in a dress that she picked out. The next thing I know, she’s callin’ me up in tears because some kids thought it was okay to make fun of how she looked. I know kids can be mean sometimes, but I wanted to go in there and teach those little shits a lesson myself.”
He was quite the protective father.
“Kids can be real bitches sometimes, Joel. I never quite understood it myself. Especially since I’m sure your daughter was just minding her own business and having a good time? I learned at a very young age that there’s a lot of jealous people in this world that enjoy causing pain in others for no apparent reason.They might have their own struggles, but that is no justification. Those kids that bullied your daughter will hopefully learn from their mistakes sooner rather than later.”
“She was just mindin’ her own and having a great time. She was so excited to wear her dress. It jus’ makes me so goddamn angry because I can’t protect her from everythin’ out there. It’s somethin’ that I’ve really struggled with this year especially. And I’ve tried to talk to my brother about it, but he doesn’t get it either.” Joel said with a sigh. “I’m glad that you can understand all of this though. I don’t really have any female friends to talk to about this stuff either.”
“Most kids grow out of their ‘mean’ phase after highschool. I can admit that I went through a phase similar to that. Made a lot of mistakes that I had to hold myself accountable for. But, with your love and support, I think your daughter is gonna end up being okay. She’s lucky to have you as a dad.” You reassure him.
“Really? You don’t seem like the type of person to ever hurt someone..then again, I ain’t perfect either. Never have been, never will. I’ve had my own regrets as well. But, I appreciate all that you’re sayin.’ S’Nice to be validated every now and then.” He leans forward with his elbows resting along the table and you’re just beginning to notice how broad his shoulders truly are under his faded flannel.
“I don’t think anyone can ever claim to be perfect. We don’t know everything and can make genuine mistakes. But all we can really do is learn from them, make it up to the people we may have hurt, and move forward. I think you’re a really nice person, based on our conversation, Joel.”
“You’re right, darlin.’ No one in this world can claim they are perfect. It's impossible.” His knee brushed yours gently from how close he was leaning in giving you a clear indication that he was actively listening to everything you were saying. “Anyway, I’m sorry I went off on that tangent jus’ now when we were talkin’ about your New Year’s Eve plans.”
“Dammit.” You sighed with a smile tugging on your lips. “I thought you forgot all about that.”
“Nah. I’m pretty good at rememberin’ even if I find myself havin’ to circle back. So, you didn’t feel up to meeting’ your friends tonight?”
“I was going to, truly. But I just got into my head way too much. It started with finding an outfit to wear. I absolutely tore my closet up and I’m really dreading having to clean it up later. Anyway, I’ve got the outfit on, right?”
He nods while taking another sip of his Cappuccino.
“I’m feeling great, and loving the way the outfit looks on me, and then there’s that stupid mean voice inside my brain. You know the one?”
“Ahh yeah. The voice that tells us that we’re unattractive and worthless? Like when we put on our favorite outfit and it’s not fitting quite right, and we know it’s silly to cry over clothes..but sometimes we just can’t help it? And that voice is right there beating us down because sometimes we forget that it’s natural for our bodies to change?”
Damn, he’s good.
“So...you hear that voice sometimes too? I honestly thought I was alone in this feeling. I tend to keep these thoughts to myself because I don’t want to burden others, y’know? I do see a therapist, though. It definitely has helped a lot, but I’m still struggling.”
“Darlin,’ I know exactly where you’re comin’ from. I had these favorite pairs of jeans that I would wear pretty much everyday. Well, just this past month I found that they ain’t fittin’ the way they used to. The zipper wouldn’t budge, and then I spent a good hour tryin’ all the tricks in the book to get those suckers to fit. Well, none of it worked and then I started beatin’ myself up. Sayin’ all the nasty names I could come up with. Then after all of that, I thought about all the delicious meals I had this year and especially these damn ice cream sundaes that my kid is obsessed with. Suddenly, the jeans not fittin’ didn’t bother me as much anymore.”
“Ice cream sundaes are delicious, and even more-so when you are enjoying them with your daughter. I pretty much went through the exact thing that you’re describing. I know that we shouldn’t give into the societal bullshit of looking a certain way to appear more attractive, but it’s just hard sometimes. That’s why I try to cycle through my closet every now and then so I’m not holding onto clothing that doesn’t fit me anymore. Did you end up keeping the jeans?..”
“She’s been requestin’ them for dessert pretty much every night, and I have a hard time tellin’ her no. They are absolutely delicious. It is definitely hard to pass them up sometimes. It’s comforting to know that other people go through the exact same thing that we’ve gone through. I did in fact donate the jeans, and then bought a new pair the same day. Wearin’ ‘em now actually, and I gotta say, I think I look quite good in ‘em if I do say so myself.” He said in a cheeky tone that sent heat rising on your cheeks.
“Well, I think you should stand up, if you feel comfortable doing so, that is, and let’s see what this jeans talk is all about.”
He grins at you, eyebrows playfully dancing while he sets his mug down along the table before pushing his chair back to stand up.
He gives you a little spin, one that neither you were expecting, but you could tell that he was having fun showing off his new denim.
“Okay, respectfully? Those jeans look amazing on you, they are very flattering, Joel.”
He laughs a warm and hearty laugh as his cheeks turn beet red from your words. Even if you’re just playing along, he’s feeling charmed by your presence.
“Really? Y’know, I was thinkin’ the same thing and a’that..but I’m a pretty humble guy.” He said sheepishly.
“Joel, screw being humble. You’re wearing those jeans like they’re made for you! You gotta own that.” You said with a giggle.
“Alright. Alright. If ya say so, darlin.’ I appreciate the compliment, but have ya taken a look at yourself tonight? You’re glitterin’ like a goddamn mirror ball. Gonna blind me with all that sparkle Y’got goin’ on.” He’s flirting, now. He’s absolutely shamelessly flirting with you.
You find yourself leaning forward then, close enough that he can see the pretty shimmer painted on your eyelids and your undeniable flirty smile.
“Joel, are you flirting with me right now?” You’re feeling bold, and curious to know if you were reading the signs correctly, or letting your brain run a muck in theories.
“I am, darlin.’ Is that..alright? Cus’ if it makes you feel uncomfortable, I can stop.”
“No, please continue to flirt away. I’m glad that you’re getting to see my outfit, Joel. I probably have glitter in places where glitter doesn’t belong.” You said with a light, airy laugh.
“You’ll be finding little bits of glitter all over the place well within the next year. Do you have any to spare?” He asked with a warm chuckle.
“Actually..I do have some to spare.” You reached for your purse along the side of the chair and pulled out your tube of glitter eyeshadow that you had brought just in case you needed any touch ups. “May I?”
“Oh, you really weren’t kiddin’ when you said you have some to spare, huh?” He leaned in closer to get a better look. “That’s a really pretty color, darlin.’ You think I can pull that off?”
“I don’t kid when it comes to my glitter, Joel.” You said teasingly. “I absolutely think you can pull this color off. But, I’ll need you to close your eyes so I can apply this more eveningly.”
“Okay, I’m trustin’ you, darlin.’” He slowly closed his eyes then and only flinched a little when he felt the applicator glide across his eyelid. “Sorry, wasn’t it expectin’ to feel that damn cold.” He murmured softly.
“No worries, Joel. It can be a bit ticklish at times.” You scooted your chair in closer to him so both of your knees were tucked in between his as you delicately applied the shimmering shadow. Your tongue was peeking out between your lips as you focused on the task at hand.
He tried to peek his eye open once, before you playfully scolded him and said, no peeking.
To which he grumbled out a response with his arms crossed over his chest.
“Am I pretty yet, darlin?’” He asked with his eyes still shut as you admired your work.
“Very pretty, Joel. Okay, you can go ahead and open them.” You pulled out a little handheld mirror from your purse and held it out for him to admire his appearance.
He opened his eyes, blinking a few times to get used to the feeling before he averted his attention to the mirror you were holding. “Oh, shit. Wow. Y’know what..I actually think I like it.” He looked over at you then before he realized how close you were sitting to him. “Thank you, darlin’ I feel like I’m a mirror ball too.”
“It really brings out your eyes, Joel. They were already pretty before, but now, they’re even more beautiful.”
You were already forgetting about how awful you felt earlier, and the guilty feelings for turning down your friend's offer to go out. It admittedly felt nice to talk to another person that shared more things in common with you than you realized. To be validated, and in turn, validate someone as well? It felt really, really good inside.
“So, now that we’re both glittered up, and it’s two hours till the start of the new year, would you maybe care to join me for a drink? Only if you’re feeling up for it, that is.” Joel asked you with his eyes flickering back to yours. Truthfully, he’s happy that you somehow found yourself in his coffee shop tonight. He can’t remember the last time he’s connected with someone on such a deep and personal level.
“I’d love to get a drink with you, Joel.” You don’t even second guess your answer, and if the feelings come up later, so be it. That little voice inside of your head is nowhere to be found as Joel offers you his arm.
You help him finish closing up for the night before the two of you find yourselves walking arm in arm to the bar that his brother Tommy was at. During your walk, you find yourselves falling back into conversation that flows easy like a steady stream. When you bring up feeling guilty for often being a homebody, he reassures you that wanting to spend a quiet evening with yourself is perfectly normal, and it’s something you shouldn’t feel ashamed of. He goes on to add that if you want to go out more, that’s perfectly okay to do as well. But you should never pressure yourself to go out and have a good time, if that’s truly not what you want to do.
And when you find Joel’s brother at the high top with a glass of bubbly in front of him, the first thing that comes out of his mouth is, “Joel, what is that on your face?” He leans in close to inspect the glitter shadow painted on Joel’s eyelids.
You and Joel turn to one another with two knowing smiles plastered on your faces before you laugh in unison, “it’s glitter, of course!”
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AITA for telling a school counselor about what my friend does online?
I (F minor) am in middle school. I have a group of friends, about 8 people, but this is about one girl in specific we can call Annie. All of us are mutuals on tumblr, twitter, etc. and we have a discord server too.
All of us are into a lot of the same things, like art, anime, video games, and have a lot of the same hobbies. Most of us also struggle with mental health stuff like anxiety and/or depression so we regularly talk to our school counselor (F, Idk how old she is).
Anyways, we're all really close and we get along really well for the most part, but lately Annie has been doing stuff that really bothers and worries us.
She's VERY into internet discourse. Has 10 paragraph long DNI page, is constantly starting fights with other people, etc. She usually argues about stuff like LGBT+ rights, womens rights, etc. but also a LOT of fandom discourse which is my biggest concern.
A lot of my other friends reblog/retweet stuff like anime gifs, fanart, memes, etc. but pretty much every post I see from Annie is her fighting with someone over shipping or something like that.
A lot of the posts are basically:
Her talking about how disgusting a certain ship or character is
How everyone who likes that specific thing is a degenerate, or freak, or pedo or groomer.
How if you like problematic ships you need to get a therapist, or you deserve to be hurt. Once I saw her arguing with someone who said they write certain stuff due to trauma and she said "You don't have trauma, you're either lying or you actually liked it and that's why you write such disgusting nasty shit"
Fighting with random people and accusing them of being a predator or a pedo
Breaking her own DNI (which says adults, proshitters, etc. DNI) and then getting mad at the other person for responding
It's really upsetting to see because she does this CONSTANTLY. She never seems to use tumblr/twitter to do things she actually likes. I never see her reblog gifs or memes or just silly lighthearted posts about stuff she enjoys.
It's especially upsetting because we're minors and she TELLS PEOPLE THAT. Like she's arguging with people that she thinks are pedos or child predators, while openly telling people her actual age. To me that's like covering yourself in bloody steaks and then jumping into water full of sharks.
I was really starting to get concerned because even in our private discord server she's always talking about how much she hates these people or whatever and how they should die, a lot of the time she says things like "they should get the wall" or "I hope their nasty fanfics happen to them irl that would teach them lol" and it really freaks me out.
She also talks about seeing the "child porn" that these people make which as far as I'm aware is drawings of characters but it still freaks me out how open and calm she is about looking at what she THINKS is child porn. I asked her if it's child porn why is it being linked in callout posts for other people (including minors!) to see and not being reported to the FBI but she just gets mad and changes the subject.
Me and our other friends have mentioned before that we don't like hearing about this kind of stuff but then she just gets mad and goes offline or gives us the silent treatment at school.
A month or so ago I got so fed up and upset, that I took a bunch of screenshots of her tumblr account and discord messages. One thing to note is that her username is VERY specific.
It's a combination of her first and last name and her birth year. Most people will not know that, but if you know her name and birthday, it's easy to tell it's her. She also goes by her real name online which I also screenshotted as proof it's her.
I brought all this to the school counselor, and I told her how worried I was about Annie, and how I think she's doing something really unsafe. Not only is she confronting people she thinks are child predators/groomers, she's telling people they deserve to get hurt in really awful ways, and looking at porn and I don't think this is good for her mental health.
The counselor at first was like "Idk are you SURE it's her? It could be anyone online!" But I insisted that it was and explained the username thing and that this was our private discord server so obviously I know it's her.
She thanked me for letting her know and told me I was being a good friend and then we talked about how I was doing, and then I left. I kind of forgot about it until a week later.
Annie wasn't online at all and I was kind of worried, but then I saw her on Monday at school. I was with our other friends and we called out her name so she would see us and come over and she LOST IT. She started screaming at us and telling us how awful we were, and how we ruined her life.
Idk what exactly happened, but apparently the counselor talked to her and her parents got involved? Her parents now monitor her internet usage, they have child safety stuff on the browsers, and she's only allowed on certain websites for doing research for school, or watching videos on youtube on their account so they can see what videos she's watching, or playing games on steam.
She said that her parents are also putting her in therapy once a week now (with an actual therapist, not the counselor) and she's only allowed to go out with an adult chaperone (either her older sister or one of her parents).
But... None of our friends know it was me who told the counselor. Annie has other friends besides us, so they're also "suspects" for being the snitch. It seems like half of our friends are relieved that Annie is kept away from that kind of stuff and the other half are mad at whoever the snitch is for ratting Annie out and resulting in her having less privacy/freedom.
At first I was happy that Annie was getting help and being kept away from this but now I feel really conflicted. I feel so disgusting talking to her and our other friends and pretending nothing happened, knowing that I was the one who told the counselor.
Annie still talks to us but she's a lot less open. We still have our discord server but apparently her parents will read through the messages to make sure she's not talking about anything bad and that she's only talking to us and not strangers.
What are these acronyms?
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lesbianlores · 6 months
Text
Recovering undercover overlover
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𖨆♡𖨆
Contains: fluff, sub!Shuri to dom!Shuri to sub again, penetration(both receiving), tribbing, strap riding, sixty-nine, spitting, squirting, SEVERAL rounds.
Word count: 3.6k
A/N: Gurl just hold onto your wigs cause this is gonna be a long nasty ride. (also I’m sorry if ts lowkey bland, I’ve been rushing through this the whole weekend)
Summary: It’s been a month since Shuri left for a mission while you were in America spending time with family. The two of you haven’t been contacting each other often, you understand she’s busy on her mission but Shuri on the other hand has been anxious out of her mind. She has the bad habit of leeching onto you and following you around like a lost puppy, but her not having the opportunity to do that because of the distance had her going crazy.
Translations: (Mholo: good afternoon) (nkosazana: princess)
(Andikwazi, andisakwazi ukuyibamba!: I can’t, I can’t hold it anymore!)
(nceda y/n, kubuhlungu!: please y/n, it hurts!)
(Oh thixo wam: oh my god)
(Yithathe: take it)
(Undithatha kakuhle, Ndizakwenza uthwale intsana zam. Yinto oyifunayo leyo?: You take me so well, i’ll have you carry my babies. Is that what you want?)
⋆.ೃ࿔* You and your family were wearing matching pajamas as you effortlessly whopped their ass in Mario Kart. Every year your family has a gathering with fun activities like face painting and baking or cooking competitions. In the middle of the race, your little cousin comes charging toward you with your phone.
“Y/n, Shuri’s calling you! Tell her I said hi!”
You give your controller to your cousin and answer, “Babyy hi, I miss you!”
“Hello sthandwa, I’m sorry I haven’t been calling you lately. I’ve been extremely busy and I understand if you’re mad at me-“
Shuri starts rambling, her voice shaking in a state of panic. The anxiety in her tone tells you she’s been anxious like this for a while.
“My love relax it’s alright I know your mission has you busy, it’s not your fault.”
You walked out to the porch from the loud sounds of your competitive family and sat on the hammock that hung from the pillars, “Just hang in there, we’ll see each other soon okay?” You hear her sigh through the phone.
“You’re right, I’m sending an airship to take you home tomorrow evening, my mission is over. Get yourself ready.” Her worried tone barely changed.
“That’s amazing I can’t wait to see you! I should start packing now, love you bye!”
“I love you too, goodbye princess.”
You screamed in excitement and zoomed back into the house, you were happy to finally see your wife but you knew you had a lot of reassuring to do.
You had spent the entire night packing and choosing an outfit to wear so you wouldn’t have to later. After having brunch with your family you changed out of your sleepwear and into the dress you had planned last night. You said your goodbyes while walking outside with bags and a plate full of your family's desserts for Shuri, “Bye we’ll miss you!!” said your mom leaning on the front door.
You waved back then you turned to see a fancy car, the second you entered you got a text from Shuri.
*We will meet each other at the palace, I can't wait to see that pretty face ❤️* You smiled at the text, your legs practically kicking back and forth.
≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫
A few hours later and you’ve finally made it to the palace, Okoye greeted you at the entrance. “Miss y/n, Shuri is in her lab.” She bowed.
“Thank you Okoye, and stop calling me miss, just y/n.” You smiled, she returned the gesture, took your things, and escorted you to Shuri. “Take my belongings to our home.” You ordered, entering the lab you see Shuri working *of course she’s working right after a mission* you thought.
“Panther, y/n has entered the lab.” Griot announced, but you were already right behind her before she turned to see you. She immediately discarded what she was occupied with and tugged you into a warm hug, her hands resting right above your ass. “**Mholo my pretty girl, how did the visit go?” She says lowering herself to kiss your forehead.
“Why are you still working, have you gotten any sleep?” You completely ignore her question, “I did sleep a little, I was just touching up some stuff.” You saw right through that lie.
“I missed you, do you wanna go somewhere? Are you hungry? I can cook, or buy you something to eat, or maybe we can go out-“ She had a slight look in her eyes like she felt that you were going to punish her if she didn’t make you happy. Being in a relationship with Shuri for years, you start noticing this about her.
“babe- my love, what’s going on? Are you okay, talk to me.” You bring your hands on either side of her neck, rubbing below her ears with your thumbs.
“I’m just- I just can't shake the thought of losing you and feeling like I didn’t love you enough, I’ve lost too many people I loved without saying goodbye. I can’t go minutes not being in your presence without the thought of you leaving me lingering in my head, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”
She whimpered into a cry, you pull her in by the neck. Her head resting on your shoulder, “Listen Shuri, I carry you with me, your heart, your brilliant soul and mind I carry everywhere I go. Your existence is just enough love for me, even after death we can’t be separated because my heart and soul you carry too.”
Leaning back you bring your hands to the sides of her face, looking her right in the eyes. “Do you understand?” She nodded softly as you wiped her tears, “C'mon, let’s go home.”
≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫
The two of you arrived at your shared house located not too far from the palace, you told Shuri to settle on the bed until you were finished preparing a bath to relax her.
You sprinkled all kinds of herbs and flowers like rose, thyme, especially lavender. You took all your jewelry off before calling Shuri into the bathroom, she walked in with only a robe on. “This is beautiful, I’m so grateful nkosazana. I love you.” She stepped closer, the both of you holding each other’s waists.
“I love you more.” You said untying her robe and letting it drop to the floor. You analyze her body before kissing right above her collarbones, she releases a shuddering sigh. She softly but swiftly bunches your dress up to your waist so it’s easier to pull off. Her slim but long hands unfastening the clips at the back of your bra, you pull her in closer so that your breasts are pressing against her.
She smells so good, ever since you complimented her body oil she never stopped wearing it. Shuri has valued you and your opinions soul heartedly, since the day you two met. She would even ask for your opinions on her work in the lab, you find it funny considering she’s the genius and you know nothing about science but you try to give her a little something nonetheless.
The hug lasted seconds but felt like minutes, hugging her softens your soul. She takes a deep breath, “You have no clue what you do to me y/n, you hold so much power over me. I’ll do anything for you.” Her voice was shaking but this time not in a state of panic, but in a state of love and lust. You tug her into a kiss, standing on your tippy toes. Your tongues dancing in each other's mouths, you knew not to fight for dominance because Shuri always wins.
“Let’s not get too distracted, the water may get cold.” You said breaking the kiss, letting her go to lead her towards the tub. As she got in first you took that time to discard your panties. She offered her hand out to help you get into the deep tub, making the water splash a bit.
The warmth of the water sunk into your skin and calmed your nerves, Shuri made her way to you, giving you a peck on your forehead. She straddled you and relaxed her head on your shoulder as you began whispering praises in her ear. You comfortingly rub her lower back while your right hand rests on her neck massaging gently with your thumb. You love taking care of Shuri, even though she feels that it's only her that should be giving in the relationship. She always put others before herself and you made it your duty to be that person for her because almost nobody else is.
Minutes of comfortable silence go by and Shuri lifts her head, her eyelids low. She licked her lips shifting closer to yours until they finally met. Her hands lowered to your hips, groping them just enough for it to hurt a little. She maneuvered her head to the side of your neck to suck and peck your sweet spot, your lashes flutter close as you moaned her name. Your mouth hanging open, making audible moans and your hands tighten on her back, nearly scratching her.
“I need more.” She mumbled in your neck. She got out of the tub before she lifted you out. As soon as your feet touched the floor she groped your ass and kissed you with greed. “Shuri- we have to dry first.” you said in between kisses, she grabbed your hand and hurried out of the bathroom to get the towel that laid at the front of the bed.
She wrapped herself in a towel and began rubbing the water off you with another, gently but firmly groping your body “You’re not slick, I know what you’re doing.”
“You do?” She said innocently with a little smirk at the corner of her lips. You hummed leaning into her for a kiss. She dropped the towel immediately to wrap her arms around your lower back, occasionally squeezing the plush of your ass.
Growing impatient, you turned the two of you around and then walked forward to the bed until she fell onto it, you straddled her lap and ripped the towel off her before pushing her by the shoulders to lay down. Shuri used her arms to pull herself further up the bed, you crawled to follow her. “Let me take care of you this time baby.”
She did nothing but whimper, she unconsciously bucked her hips up to you trying to ease that need between her legs. Nothing turns you on more than seeing Shuri vulnerable, the way she gets so lost and drunk in her arousal for you, she’s so eager for your touch that she’ll do or say anything. You teased her by kissing from her neck to her breast agonizingly slow and left one peck on her right nipple.
“Please”
Hearing her plead with such desire had you high, her jaw nearly quivered as if she were cold. Her hands had a death grip on the cozy covers under her, she looked up at you like you were a goddess. Her eyes entreating for your mercy. “Okay my love, I’ve got you.” You said lovingly, continuing your trail of kisses down her body you finally arrived to where she needed you most. You tease her one last time as you pecked and then sucked her clit, releasing it with a pop.
“ugh-” she moaned before her hands shot to the sides of your head, her back arching high. You waste no more time and wrapped your plump lips around her puffy clit, the hum you let out at her taste sending waves of vibrations through her.
She rolled her hips practically fucking your face. You love how submissive and soft her moans were, It was like calm music to your ears, like the harmonies smooth silk or honey would make if it could sing. Shuri’s expression was a sight for sore eyes, her eyebrows frowned, eyes nearly closed but she forced her eyes open to keep the glimpse of you buried in her pussy in sight, her mouth slightly open almost panting like a dog before she released a shattered moan and threw her head back.
You were eating her out so good she couldn’t even mutter a word to warn you she was cumming, but it didn’t matter because you know her. You know how shaken and loud her moans get before her climax, how she goes to grip the bottom of the wooden headboard she had to replace millions of times because of her strength. How she can’t even moan anymore as she goes silent
while her fluids are leaking into your mouth, you drinking it in like you’ve been dehydrated for years.
You give her clit one more kitten lick before removing your mouth. “Good girl” You praised, while crawling for her lips into a tired kiss. “You did a good job, but I’m not done with you.”
You crawl to the edge of the bed to grab the bag of toys y’all keep in the drawer very close to where you lay for scenarios like this. Crawling back, you see Shuri who sat up in excitement once she saw what you were getting out of the bag.
It was one of her favorites, a lengthy and thick dildo she mostly uses when she misses you and you’re not around. “have you used this lately?” You already knew the answer considering Shuri is overly hypersexual when it comes to you, but you wanted to hear her say it.
She nodded shyly while impatiently eying at it in your hand, “Words.” She lifted her gaze to your demanding eyes and spoke “Yes, I’ve used it thinking about you, about how much I missed those lips that drive me insane. Those curves and stretch marks I could admire all day, I missed you so much.” She shuddered, getting closer to your lips while licking her own.
“Good.” You whispered, lips ghosting each other as you teased your lips over hers while pulling your head back, making Shuri chase you. That didn’t last long, her patience snapping as she used her hand to keep you in place, finally closing that space and crashing her lips on yours.
Taking her state of submissiveness to your advantage you overpower the kiss and lean forward until she’s lying on her back again. You angle your body to the side with her left leg over your shoulder so that your mouth has easier access to her clit while you tease her hole with the toy. You can feel her bud pulsate in your mouth from the sensitivity of her previous orgasm, you look up to see Shuri already gaping at you, the way she can’t keep you out of her eye view makes you smile a little.
After kitty licking her clit for a while you push the silicone deep inside without a warning. Shuri shot up, her elbows holding her up so that she could have a better view as you pumped in and out while swirling your tongue on her pussy simultaneously.
Shuri had her bottom lip trapped between her teeth, her hips in sync with the thrusts you fucked her with. “Y/n, y/n i’m cumming, please tell me I can cum please!” Her accent grew thicker than usual, you denied her request shaking your head, and sucked harder. Tears built at the edge of her eyes, her elbows doing her no more justice as her upper body plopped back into the silk of the bed. “**Andikwazi, andisakwazi ukuyibamba!” She came, this time her liquids squirted and splattered everywhere, but you didn’t stop.
“nceda y/n, kubuhlungu!!” She screamed in agony. You couldn’t get enough, swaying your head from side to side over her clit for one last taste then pulling it out and removing your mouth immediately, licking her essence from your lips. You sat and cherished this view of Shuri, still catching your breath you pressed your body against hers. “I love you.” You whispered on her lips before kissing them for the hundredth time, “I love you more, but we aren’t done.” She said before flipping the both of you over, making her the one on top now.
“It’s my turn.”
It surprises you how she could be obedient and needy at one time then dominate and possessive at another, effortlessly putting you in your submissive state. She had a soft grip on your thick hips, kissing and sucking on your neck. “Keep it wet for me, I’ll be back.” Was all she said before she crawled off the bed and went into y’all’s shared closet.
She quickly came back out with a strap wrapped around her waist, but it was ordinary, it was glowing. “Why is it glowing? Is that vibranium? How’d you do that?” You questioned while scooting to the end of the bed.
“Yes, I made it a while ago, I was going to save it for a special occasion but this can’t wait any longer.” You squinted to get a better look at it as she walks closer to you, you worry that it’ll feel odd or even hurt considering vibranium is literally one of the strongest elements of metal on earth.
She noticed the look of concern on your face, “It won’t hurt at all my love.” She said as if she could read your mind. Shuri then grabbed the sides of your head and bent down to give you a loving kiss, it started simple then gradually went into a nasty make-out session.
Your craving and desperation leading to aggression, you pull her by the sides of her abdomen encouraging her to grab your hips and lean you back swiftly, your ass nearly hanging off the end of the bed. You wrap your plump legs around her waist, “I need you, please.” You begged, trying to grind yourself on her. Your pleading went to no avail, the determination in your eyes made her smirk.
“Will you be good for me and let me get her ready, hm?” You nodded.
≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫
Her fingers rammed into your slick walls rapidly, she supported her balance with a hand around your neck. Your eyes met the back of your head, mouth hanging open in pleasure, you were close.
Shuri took note, loosening the pressure she had on your neck so she could lean down to your lips for another kiss. You pull her in and claw at her back as you cum, letting go of the kiss to moan.
“Ndixelele into oyifunayo sthandwa, ndikuphe.” Her lips grazed over your ear, your heart was still beating just as fast as a bunny, but she wasted no time.
“I need you in me, I want you to own all of me. Show the world who I belong to.”
“Oh yeah? Is that what you want baby?”
“uh huh” you moaned. She glides her dick up and down your folds, occasionally stopping to rub your clit in small circles with it, holding her bottom lip between her teeth, smirking.
The lids of your eyes became bricks, you took a deep breath trying to release some of your tension. Shuri drove your senses wild with her entrancing chuckle, the familiar sent and taste of her still lingering on your lips, her breath-taking melanated skin that covers the abdominal muscles you love to glide your hands up and down on, and finally that eye-rolling feel of her sliding herself inside between your glistening folds.
She groaned throwing her head and eyes back narrowly, your mouth gaped at the stretch. The vibraniam glowed dimly, signaling that she feels it.
“Mmh look at how well it slides in, so wet.” She says, whispering to herself as if you’re not there. She brought her hands to the back of your knees and lifted your legs to rest on her shoulders. Shuri started slow but hard, sliding out all the length but just the tip before she thrust it back in. With every stroke, a moan escaped your lips and your body jerked every time her hips met your thighs.
She leaned down, getting a hold on your shoulders to deepen how much of her is in you. Shuri intensified the speed of her thrusts, you held onto her wrists moaning for her.
“You know how to fuck so good!” You cry, she growled in response just as she moved to lift you by the hips to pound herself into you harder. You vent out a throat-wrenching scream, it hurts so good. Your back arched flawlessly, your tits brutally bouncing wild from the force of her hips. You couldn’t hold onto anything but the sheets, virtually ripping the fabric due to the violent grip you have.
The tip of her dick touched your soul, sweat coursing through her abs. Continuous grunts of ‘Oh thixo wam’ and ‘Yithathe’ poured out of her foul mouth.
“Undithatha kakuhle, Ndizakwenza uthwale intsana zam. Yinto oyifunayo leyo?” She smiled at the idea, gazing down at you for an answer.
“Yes panther! I’ll be the mother to your children! it’s what I want, breed me!”She groans speeding her thrusts to an inhumane pace “Kiss me!” You yelped, begging longingly while opening your arms out to her for a hug. Shuri doesn’t think twice about freeing your hips from the air and embracing her arms under your shoulders. Her tongue dives inside, the vibrations from your moans bouncing off the walls of your mouths. She pulled back sucking your tongue between her lips before letting go with a string of saliva following, then spitting it back in your mouth.
“Oh my fucking God you’re filthy.” You laughed.
“You want more, hm? Open your mouth.” She ordered, and you obeyed. Sticking your tongue out to catch the strand of spit she gave, she dropped down to swirl her tongue in your mouth then spit it all back in again. “Swallow it.” She said slowing her strokes to focus on how you closed your eyes in pleasure as you gulped the mixture of her spit with yours. “Mmhm” Shuri moaned in approval. She then pulled herself up, bent your legs to your heart, and piped hard as she was previously.
You threw your head back in bliss, bawling at the pain and pleasure. You’ve lasted as long as you could, that heavy pressure forming at the pit of your stomach.
“Shuri-“
“Cum” She interrupted, and you didn’t think twice. Clawing at her wrists as your cum sprayed on her. Your legs shook aggressively, toes curling and all. She pumped her hips a few more times before coming to a complete stop.
“Bast.” Shuri gasped, collapsing on top of you.
“Tired already panther?”
(Ya’ll I got to split this into two parts cause I don’t want to keep you waiting any longer, I didn’t have time to proof read neither but hey.)
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venuscnjunctpluto · 1 year
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Astrology Observation pt. 2
(Thank y’all for all the support on my first one❤️🙌🏾)
*as a sag Venus sag mars pls stop asking me why I’m laughing…I’m not laughing at YOU I’m just insane😝
*moon in the 1st synastry is so therapeutic you just feel really comfortable opening up to the 1st house person and as the 1st house person I feel honored someone trusts me enough to share their feelings🫶🏾
*people w aqua and libra in their big three are the chillest mfs you’ll ever meet. Even though I’m very chaotic anytime someone describes me “chill” just seems to be thrown in there. We space out ALOT and it’s honestly embarrassing😭 Ex: Alicia keys, lil Wayne, Harry styles, Rosalia. Harry gives such himbo energy in interviews and they drag him for it in the comments but he’s probably just thinking about multiple things at once. Alicia keys didn’t even realize lil mama was on that stage and went on performing lol. Obviously lil Wayne smokes but something about his energy…he’s on cloud 9. And just go watch Rosalia’s chicken shop episode💕😂.
*honestly Aries mars aren’t that bad when it comes to temper because usually they find ways to manage it. Now mars-Uranus aspects is a completely different story. I have late mars-Uranus and it takes me a while to get mad but when I do I can’t even think anymore. My old roomie had a tight square and she would blow up on people for no actual reason like girl sit down😭
*something about Scorpio mars men is just😮‍💨 they have such a sneaky energy to them that makes them stand out. Virgo mars are fine too they’re just so skinny and no matter wtf they do they’re always nerdy ugh (ex: Matthew gray gubler, Lucky daye, Dylan O’Brien, Jeff Buckley)
*i noticed Aries moon don’t really get along w each other. They find their own energy to be too mf much (which it can be) so they prefer being around more calmer people *coughs* libra moons like me. They wanna be bouncing off the walls 🤪 while their friend is just like 🙂.
* fire risings do a lot of things fast. As an Aries rising, I walk fast, get happy fast, eat fast, workout fast. My cousin is complaining her sag rising toddler eats and drinks way too fast.
*venus in 11th…how many tiktok drafts do y’all got😭
*i talked to this guy who had similar placements as me (Venus in 8th and moon in 6th plus Aquarius and Aries placements) It was so chaotic it was literally us going back and forth obsessing over eachother while trying to keep it lowkey. But also the amount of anxiety we are naturally incline to have made the whole situation too mf much.
*i have mercury conjunct my friends mars and for years she tells me the things I say can take people there and make them wanna fight me. It’s in Capricorn and so I was confused before I knew we had that aspect
* i noticed rappers whose lines always stick out to me have Gemini mars or mercury- mars (central cee, king von, tupac, kendrick , j. cole)
*i was talking to this guy and I had Venus and mars plus pluto in his 4th house. Months after we stopped talking our friend groups meshed and he would tell me non-stop I reminded him of his mother. He said she was the same height as me and y’all I was scared to ask what she looked like cause 😫 y’all remember that episode of family guy when Chris dated that girl that looked like Lois yep 4th house synastry.
*im a true crime whore and two women who killed their bfs had sun-Uranus aspects. Their energy was erratic and very off putting in videos. I can’t remember the other one but Courtney tailor/clenney was one.
* More spilling my business on the Internet😍 i think I’m done entertaining people my age. Pluto in the 8th, Lilith in 1st, and Venus conjunct Pluto synastry has been hell. Where’s my sugar daddy/mama?? It’s ghetto out here
*gemini Lilith generation whose a year younger than me is nasty asf😭 esp the tauruses they have their Lilith conjunct their Gemini Venus and opposite their Pluto. One said he had a slept w two girls at separate times. He didn’t know they met until the girls posted a selfie together and tagged him. They later told him they wanted a threesome and he did it😭 knowing astrology I believed every word
* sidebar Neptune-asc people and trying to give off innocent vibes ugh annoying asf to me. I can see right through their bs but they’re able to fool most people.
* mercury-Pluto aspects are in fact LIARS and throw a Scorpio placement in there😮‍💨
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itsscromp · 7 months
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Syzoth/Reptile x reader
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Apologies for the delay on this one, Outside stuff has been kicking my butt as of lately. But now I am here, I am refreshed and ready. So have some syzoth Platonic fluff !!!!. Word count:1K
Syzoth wanted to show his best friend y/n his Zaterran powers for a long time, He really did, But the back of his mind always feared how you would react.
"Get away from me freak !!!"
"Monster"
"Please don't hurt me"
Those words play in his mind every time he thinks about wanting to show you his true form, It scares him beyond belief when he thinks about it. That an amazing friendship would be broken for being himself. He even had nightmares about it.
Like one time when he showed you his powers and you ran off scared, As he tried to find you, you knocked him out and then yelled many profanities at him. He jolted awake, the cold sweat sticking to his pillow. He was so scared by how you would react.
You noticed how anxious and sad he looked for the past couple of days, you originally thought he was thinking about his family, but decided to check on him none the less. You walked inside and found him sitting by the steps as if he was deep in thought.
"Syzoth, Is everything ok ??" You walked up to him ??
"Oh, hello y/n..." He greeted but looked down again.
"What's wrong ??" You sat down next to him.
He went quiet for a while before standing up and offering you his hand.
"Come with me, I want... to show you something." He said hesitantly.
"Oh, Ok ??" You took his hand, helping you up and then began walking deep into the forest.
"Where are we going ??"
He remained quiet, and he also kept looking down and fiddling with his hands, You sensed then he was really anxious about what he wanted to show you. You could see it all over his face.
"Y/n... I've always wanted to show you this for a long time now, Will you let me show you ??" He looked at you with anxious eyes.
You tilted your head slightly in curiosity but none the less nodded "Ok"
He took a deep breath and stopped, Before transforming into his true Zaterran form, A hulking reptiloid creature, Your eyes went wide seeing him transform from a human form to this form.
He could see it and his nerves and heart started to race, He looked away in shame.
"It is okay if you don't want to be friends with me anymore, I understand y/n..."
"Syzoth" You politely interrupted him "It's ok.."
He shook his head.
"No it's not okay, I'm a freak, a monster, the very being that earthrealmer's and outworlder's despise every second I breathe" You could see tears of anxiety fall from his eyes. He looked so scared. "Just say it..." He looked down again in shame.
You grew sad for him, Not only was he hurt and ridiculed his whole life, He really thought you would stop being friends with him and and you would call him all those nasty words as well, Which was not true at all. You would always will be Syzoth's friend, You cared for him a lot.
Gently walking over to him, You wrapped your arms around his scaley body, Hearing his anxious heartbeat.
"Your my best friend syzoth... I would never call you a monster." You squeezed him a little tighter.
He was taken aback by your kind words and gesture before slowly moving his arms to wrap around your tiny form. "Thank you y/n" He looked at you.
You gave him a soft and kind smile before gently helping wipe away his tears. You then noticed something from behind him. His tail was swishing from side to side gently, He was happy again. This caused you to giggle slightly as he looked over and chuckled.
"It does that sometimes"
"Hey it shows you your happy" You smiled brightly.
"Now I have to ask, What does your true form do ??" You asked curiously.
He perked up and gave a sort of reptilian smile, He was eager to show you his powers. He looked around and then found a heavy looking boulder.
"Zaterrans have increased strength compared to most Earthrealmer's and Outworlder's" He walked over and then lifted the boulder with ease, before then gently tossing it and catching it with one hand, still keeping it in the air with one while flexing his free arm.
"Why do I feel johnny cage taught you that" You smiled and chuckled.
"He might have" He smirked and tossed the boulder halfway across the field.
"Holy shit !!" You were very impressed.
"What else you can do ??"
He then began to form some form of giant green ball from his mouth and then tossed it at a nearby tree, the bark dissolving and the tree gently tumbling down.
"Acid saliva ??"
"It is a strange ability yes, But a very useful one in Kombat situations that are worse case scenario" He nodded.
He then perked up again and began to climb the trees at record speed, Something that you have never seen before. It was an amazing sight to see him jump and climb from tree to tree at breathtaking speeds before landing back in front of you.
"That was amazing syzoth !!!" You smiled brightly.
His tail started to swish a bit faster.
"Thank you y/n, It means a lot to me that I can be my true self around you."
"Hey, Humanoid or reptiloid, You'll always be my best friend OK??" You smiled wrapping an arm around his side as he transformed back into his human form and did the same.
But you also noticed his tail was still there as it wrapped around the two. Making you chuckle.
"And I can also control certain parts of my form to coincide with my human form" He then showed you his arm transforming into its reptiloid form before transforming back.
"Your full of tricks syzoth, And that's what makes you amazing. It's what makes you, you" You playfully nudge him.
He smiled so brightly and turned to hug you tightly, Sighing softly in relief as his best friend accepted him for him, No matter what.
You leaned into the hug and then saw his tail gently swishing again from how happy he was with you. You couldn't help but smile.
Syzoth will always be your best friend, Humanoid or reptiloid.
Taglist @callofdudes @fun-k-board
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kvrokasaa · 3 months
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karasu comforting overachiever!reader with a lot of anxiety?
my exams are around, ive cried 6x and had a mental breakdown in 3 days. and im a good student at heart but not on paper. im trying😭
take care! love❤️
I can relate to this sm, I promise myself that I’ll study but then it gets late n all I wanna do is sleep lmfao. But I hope you’re doing alright, love. Remember to drink lots of water and eat lots of food! And take breaks when studying so you don’t get headaches!
Sorry I posted this so late, but here it is.
Cw: crying, fluff, comfort, friends to lovers, cursing, not proofread. lmk if i missed any!
Wc: 1.1k
Overachiever!
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Karasu is like your best friend, he’s always been there for you and promises he always will. Even when he left for a program called Blue Lock, he still managed to talk to you. Especially when you were going through a nasty breakup with your ex. He has always been there for you.
Something Karasu noticed over the years of being your friend; you’re an overachiever and a perfectionist. You have to get good grades, it’s like it was hard-wired in your brain since you were a child. If you didn’t get a good grade, even on a test that was optional or didn’t have any impact on your overall grade, you would feel so ashamed and full of anxiety. You were afraid of your teachers hating you, honestly, you’re just afraid of authority figures. You would always try to hide your feelings behind a fake smile, and sometimes it worked. But this time it didn’t.
You were in your room studying, all day long. No matter how many times people tried to pester you, or ask you to take a break, you would decline and go back to studying. You needed to get a good grade. You had stayed up all night long studying and going over the crucial information that would be on the final.
So why? Why do you have an 84% on your final? Why isn’t it at 100? Other people congratulated you, saying that the test was really hard. But you know that Mia, the top student, got the perfect score without even trying.
You tried this year, you really did. You made a resolution that you would try your hardest this year; that you wouldn’t give up so easily like last year. And you know that bad habits die hard, but you were doing so well. Even though this isn’t your last year, you feel like you failed at school.
‘Take a deep breath. Failure is the one pathway to success.’ Karasu’s words came floating into your mind. But you could still feel the onslaught of the tears and the tightness of the pain in your chest. You tried to take a deep breath but it wasn’t enough, it felt like all the oxygen in the world just vanished.
You don’t know how you got home, all the memories of the people saying ‘Good job’ and ‘Don’t beat yourself up, you did better than me’ are the only ones you can remember. All you want to do is crawl into your bed and cuddle your stuffed bear while you cry. But you have to study more; you have to study for your next classes. You can’t just give up because of one class. Oh but how badly you want to.
A sudden knock on your door pulled you from your thoughts. “Come in.” You cringed at the crack in your voice, quickly you straightened your posture and pretended to be okay.
But all of that faux hope and happiness faded away when you saw the unmistakable blue eyes. The tears came rushing back, along with the shaky breaths.
Karasu walked over to your desk and smiled down at you. “Hey, just wanted to stop by,” his hand raised, revealing a bag with your favorite restaurant name. “I brought your favorite.” His voice died down, almost to a whisper when he saw your tears.
You quickly wiped them, but the red streaks were still there. He sighed and sat down on your bed. “It’s okay, Y/n. Stuff like this happens, don’t worry about it too much.” You shook your head. “No, I should worry about it,” he raised a brow. “Why?”
You felt a little agitated because he couldn’t understand. Of course he couldn’t, he’s always been the type of person to get good grades without even trying. Knowing him, he probably slept through most of his classes and still got a 95 or higher on his final. Typical Karasu.
“Because who would I be if I don’t have good grades? I know that grades don’t matter much in the world, but I’m the one who feels the shame. I’m the one who has to remember what it feels like to try your hardest and still fail.” You felt like pulling your hair out, breaking things, just something to ease your mind. To ease the pain.
He brings his hands up to your cheeks, squishing them a little which brings a smile to his face. “Remember what I always tell you. ‘Failure is a pathway to-’ ” “To success. I know that, but still,” You move your head, making him release his grip. “I don’t want to fail, I don’t want people to remember me as the person who always failed.” Your voice was almost higher than a whisper, but he still heard you loud and clear. Karasu could hear and feel the pain from your voice.
“You-” you release a shaky breath, trying to calm yourself down. “You wouldn’t understand.”
‘Ironic’ he thinks, you’re the one who’s not understanding. A simple grade doesn’t define who you are as a person.
“Y/n look at me.” He grabs your face, “You are doing your best, you’re trying your fucking hardest and I’m so proud of you for that. You’re way smarter than what people give you credit for.” You try to shake your head, but his grip on your jaw tightens. “No. I don’t want to hear you deny anything. You need to understand that it’s okay to fail, it’s okay to feel helpless after a bad grade. But it’s not okay to beat yourself up. Don’t worry too much about how this grade, which is a passing grade, will affect your future.”
Karasu pulls you in for a hug. You close your eyes and bury your face in his chest. “You’re in the present right now, not the future. And I’m sure the future you are a CEO; trust me I can see it.”
You both laugh at his words. You sniffle and look up at him, “thank you, I really needed that.” He nods his head; his eyes looking from your eyes to your lips. “Anytime, I mean it.”
This is what you expected, a lecture and comfort from Karasu. It’s what you wanted. But what you didn’t expect was his lips on yours. Before you could enjoy the moment, he pulled back and smiled down at you. “Safe to say that I think you return my feelings,” your eyes darting everywhere but his and your little nod was a good enough answer for him. “And as much as I want to kiss you again. Our food is getting cold.” He pulled you down onto the bed along with the bag of food. “Let’s eat.”
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bowtiepastabitch · 5 months
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Fast and shitty ficlet
This is mostly for me, because the anxiety about going home for the holidays (and back into the closet partially) has completely killed my ability to write anything despite the overwhelming urge to create. Got PT today so I’m gonna try writing on my phone while I’m on the bus.
South downs fluff, no content warnings, 300 words
"Fuck!"
"Angel?" Crowley lifts his head and peers over the garden fence at Aziraphale. It's a sunny day, unseasonably warm for early november, and the unusual pair has been living at 666 Wildflower Drive for two weeks. Well, technically their address is 667, but the superstituous neighborhood planners had skipped over number 666 altogether and Crowley took serious offense to their lack of numeric consistency.
"This nasty little bitch-" Aziraphale stops abruptly and takes a calming breath. "Our dear brother rabbit here is the one who's been getting into your strawberries." He holds up a small grey bunny gently by the scruff. "And! He bit me."
Crowley resists the urge to laugh and instead stands, reaching over the gate to take the poor creature from the aggrieved angel and holding it awkwardly at arms length. It kicks at him obstinately but otherwise commits no acts of violence. He grins.
“Ohhhh, whatever happened to all creatures great and small. He couldn’t hurt you properly if he tried,” he teases.
Aziraphale pulls a rather undignified face, but then smiles fondly at him all the same. The way the light glances off his pale blonde curls, Crowley could almost swear he sees the glow of a halo in the late afternoon sunshine. A chilly wind rustles the autumn leaves.
“Come on, angel, let’s get inside.”
Crowley plops the bunny down gracelessly in the grass and sends a miracle after it with a snap.
“Oh, what did you do to the poor thing?” Aziraphale gives him a pleading look, and Crowley scoffs.
“Just sent him on his way. Nothing you wouldn’t approve of.”
“Somehow I doubt that, you scoundrel,” he says affectionately.
Crowley opens the garden gate with an exaggerated bow and makes a grab at the angel’s ass as he walks through, earning him a good smack on the wrist.
“That was highly unnecessary, darling.”
“Oh, wasn’t it just?”
“Indeed.”
~~~
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phi4mars · 5 months
Text
complicated (part 2)
velvet x fem! reader
tw: mentions of depression, anxiety and sh.
i will put a ⚠︎︎ when the subject is mentioned
꧁………….꧂
a week has passed after the incident. y/n had blocked velvet. her heart broke. y/n always was in love with her, she fell first. life felt different, she felt empty, useless even. everyday was a repeat. wake up, and survive the day. she had relapsed.
all y/n would wonder is why did this happen? what did she do? what CAN she do now?
she hasn’t been active on any social media, ghosted veneer and basically everyone. it sounds dramatic but all it takes for someone to feel like this is one person leaving. the person who was everything to her, it’s hard loving someone who doesn’t love you back.
~~
velvets pov:
“vel come on, she hasn’t answered me in days, i’m getting worried about her!” veneer shouted at me from across the room.
“and you think i’m not worried? i feel horrible! she fucking blocked me!!” i screamed back, my eyes were puffy, i hadn’t slept since what happened.
“she hasn’t been online for a week, i think we need to check on her, do you still have that key?” veneer asked me referring to her apartment key.
“yeah i do, but we can’t just rock up to her house!” i said.
“we can and right now i think that is what we need to do” he said grabbing the key.
~~ ⚠︎︎
it was late at night, y/n sat in the bathroom, her finger tracing over her old scars. tears rolling down her face as she hyperventilated, she dropped her head in her knees and just cried. the anxiety took over her as the panic attack continued.
she cried and cried, if tears drops could be bottled there would be swimming pools filled by just her.
~~
the sound of traffic filled velvets ears as her brother drove through the streets, every turn closer to the girl she ached to see.
would y/n want to see her?
the siblings arrived at the apartment complex, sprinting up the floors reaching y/n’s door.
velvet knocked at the door, no answer. the door was unlocked. veneer opened the door and walked inside velvet followed behind him.
the faint sound of crying could be heard from y/n’s bathroom. velvet made her way through the apartment arriving at the bathroom door.
“y/n?” she asked quietly.
the sound of crying was replaced with panic.
“it’s me, please let me in” she begged.
the door opened revealing y/n, she looked horrible, not in a nasty way but in a draining way. her face was drained from colour, eye bags drooping under her eyes.
tears started spilling down her cheeks as she started to close the door. velvet stopped it quickly and took the mentally unstable girl into her arms.
they sat on the floor leaning against the wall for a few silent moments before y/n spoke up.
“what the hell did i do?” she asked referring to what happened between them.
“nothing baby, nothing, it was all me i’m so sorry i should have never said anything.” she said stroking the broken girl’s hair.
“i love you y/n, i always have, realising that has been the hardest thing i have ever been through, i hurt you and i will never forgive myself for that. i don’t expect you to answer, i know you don’t feel the same way but it’s okay, i’ve accepted that” she said looking into y/n’s eyes.
“i love you too.” y/n said faintly as she grabbed the green haired girl’s face pulling her in.
꧁………….꧂
ahh, guys i am so sorry this took so long and it’s a bit short.
i hope you liked it and i hope you enjoyed the billie eilish references 🫣
i wanted to thank you all for so much support and love!!
ily
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Hi, This might be a slight serious one but I really hope you don't mind me asking for comfort reasons (going to emphasize I am safe though!). If it's off-putting/too much I wholly understand.
Let's say the farmer has a shitty ex who... wasn't the best to them. Full blown not-good, really hurt the farmer, gaslighting type. And in recent times the ex has been going out of their way to talk to the farmer again despite the farmer's numerous efforts and plain statements that they don't want to see the guy and also the farmer just.. being plain scared of their ex.
How do you think Magnus, and perhaps Camilla + Adventurer's Guild respond over that kind of situation?
Thank you for your time.
- 🐇
Glad you're okay and safe, bunny anon 🙏❤️ Remember to take care of yourself, and thank you for the ask! 💕🐇
⚠️ Warning: mentions of past abusive and unhealthy relationships, manipulation, violence.
________________________________________
Magnus Rasmodius:
Depending on who Farmer is to Magnus, then the wizard's behaviour will be different. If Farmer is a good friend/student to him, then naturally Magnus will be very unhappy about the existence of this type of person, and that even after moving to Stardew Valley, Farmer's ex still bothers them. Magnus will be able to contain his disdain and anger towards their ex, share his wisdom and help Farmer calm down, also tell him how to behave properly with such toxic people and stop being afraid of them. Plus he always has the ability to teleport the creep to another part of the world with no money and no pants. So don't hesitate to ask wizard for his help.
But If the Farmer is his lover/spouse, then merciful Yoba.... Magnus will have to do his best to suppress the urge to disintegrate their fucking ex by sheer force of thought. No one at the Ministry of Magic would praise him for using magic to intimidate, but Magnus didn't care about the rules this time. If anything, Camilla would help him hide the evidence. They wouldn't dare even think of Farmer, let alone talk or touch them. Magnus has plenty of connections even with the non-magical world, which he can easily use to make the man disappear from his and Farmer's sight forever. The wizard also will not forget to comfort his spouse, reminding them more than once that they are very brave, kind and patient person, and that Farmer can always turn to him for help and a hug.
Camilla:
Even if Farmer wouldn't tell Camilla directly what was troubling them lately, even if they tried to lie to the Castle Village witch that they were fine - didn't work. Camilla's attentive gaze wouldn't miss the small shiver that had taken over Farmer's body, and of course she would follow up with her dear friend/lover to find out what was wrong and what was the cause of their anxiety. More specifically, who was the cause. Just watching the person who was breaking down the door of Farmer's house and the nasty words this poor excuse for a human was throwing at Farmer was enough for Camilla.
She saw what's happening. And it drove her into a wild, pure rage.
Quickly teleporting over to Farmer's ex and grabbing them with a dead grip on the shoulder, Camilla bestowed upon them the kind of grin one might see on an enraged mother wolf defending her cub from a threat to the last drop of blood. It took literally a moment for her and the Farmer's ex to disappear from the farm with a snap of her fingers. And when the frightened Farmer didn't immediately realize why the knock on the door had stopped, they stepped out onto the porch to see Camilla sitting calmly on a bench, waiting for Farmer.
Huh, where's that person? Oh, that was their ex? Well, Farmer won't be hearing from them again. No, no, their ex is alive. But after the fate Camilla gave them, the bastard will definitely envy the dead. Oh my, she's getting distracted! How about Farmer sit with her at the wooden table that had suddenly appeared outside their house? They'll drink tea together, eat Farmer's favourite snacks and sweets, and Camilla will answer their questions. Maybe not all of them, hee hee...
Marlon:
It was because of people like the Farmer's ex that Marlon, even in his youth, sometimes questioned the righteousness of his own idea of protecting people from monsters. Because what's the point if people sometimes behave even worse than monsters? Fortunately, the old one-eyed adventurer still believed in humans, thanks to the kindness and patience of the people of Stardew Valley, as well as his apprentice and a new member of the Adventurers' Guild. Marlon believed in the Farmer when they embarked on the difficult path of the adventurer, when they took an oath to protect the people and carry their rank with honour.
He believed in them, now - it was Farmer's turn to believe in Marlon, his friend and teacher.
People who don't know about Marlon's profession often assume he's just a harmless old man whose best years are long behind him. So much for Farmer's ex making a drastic mistake when they opened the door to the Guild, coming face to face with Marlon. The old wolf knows all too well that all kind words and threats from this person are empty words, so Marlon didn't bother with ceremony and grabbed Farmer's ex by the wrist, twisting it almost to the point of bone crunching. A weakling with no willpower, of course.
He made it clear that if the Farmer had wanted to, they would have killed them on the spot long ago. Therefore, Marlon very coldly advised them to get as far away as possible and never come back if they valued their own life. After the incident, Marlon wasn't too verbose, but he still said a couple of comforting phrases to Farmer, which were enough to make his apprentice feel better and were able to breathe a sigh of relief at last.
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artzee-bee · 7 months
Text
Jealousy
Fandom: My babysitter's a vampire; Ethan Morgan x reader
Request: "basically, reader acts like she hates ethan because she thinks he has a big crush on Sarah, but eth hears her talking about him to Erica or smth??? I just think it would be sooo cute tysm"
Genre: fluff
Warnings: cussing
A/n: anyone wanna come up with titles for me? I'm done.
~~~
“Is she still staring at me?”
“Yep” Ethan went to adjust the hood of his hoodie again.
“Can you be any more obvious than that?” Benny remarks and Ethan’s hands go down slowly
“What’s her deal anyways? What did I even do wrong?”
“Why are you asking me? How would I know?”
“Hey guys!” a certain blonde boy appears , with a tray of food in hand
“Rory, sit down and eat your food!”
“Well someone’s in a bad mood today, damn Benny.”
Ethan is still staring down at his lunch. The mere thought of putting something in his mouth feels overwhelming. Anxiety runs through his body and he can’t stop his leg from shaking under the table. He’s trying not to make it obvious that he can feel your gaze on the back of his head from the other side of the room but that’s very difficult.
“What’s wrong with you E? What's wrong with everyone today?” Rory, the ever-so-oblivious, picked up on him acting weird. That’s definitely a bad sign.
“Y/n has been tearing him limb for limb with her eyes for the last 5 days and he has no idea why.” Benny answers
“Why?”
“...didn’t I just say…” and the normal banter starts again
Ethan does the same thing he’s been doing every night for the last 3 days: think. Think back to the day you stopped talking. Where was he? Well at school, it was monday. What did he do? Nothing unusual. Just classes and then lunch with the guys. He’s gone through his routine a dozen times by now, there was nothing to point out new and the more time passed, the more blurry his memories got.
The most frustrating part was how sudden it had all been. You two were so close, in fact you were the closest you had ever been. Ethan met you around 3 years ago now, when you joined their little friend group but in the past month, it was like you and him were growing so much closer within your own relationship. There was a lot more time spent between just the two of you, a lot more messages exchanged. Late night video game competitions and sometimes study sessions, although those would more than definitely turn into a regular hangout session with no work done. Ethan was enjoying how much more time you would spend at his house everyday and how happy you seemed to always be. He felt so comfortable with you. There was a sense of never having to worry about being anything other than himself, because he knew, without a doubt, that you liked him just as he was. He didn’t need to show off, and that was nice!
And then suddenly you’re not wishing him good morning when you walk past his locker. You take a seat at a different table in your shared classes. When Ethan approached you to see what’s up, you quickly made some lame excuse and got out of there, every time! You stopped replying to messages, let alone come over like you used to. At first he thought you were going through something and needed your space, so he tried to respect that. But the more time passed, the less ignored he felt and much more resented. The nasty glares, purposeful ignorance of him. You didn’t even make the effort to reply to him when he approached you at school anymore, instead walking right on ahead without eye contact. Now you were sitting at a different table for lunch, staring arrows at the back of his head. It was really aggravating how what he considered to be a nice, open and honest friendship was now turning into what felt like a rivalry. He didn’t like accepting it but your behavior was growing aggravating. It was getting on his nerves and even he could tolerate it any longer. He couldn’t stand the thought he did something wrong. He was perfectly innocent! None of the people he asked could think of something he did wrong. HE couldn’t think of something he did wrong. You were so absurd for this! You were so absurd in your behavior for no reason at all!!
The days passed on like that. One week turned into 2 and you still weren’t talking. In fact Ethan had resolved to send you his own nasty glances. When he catches you staring at him again, with the same aggravated frown, he simply raises his eyebrows in a challenge instead of pretending not to notice. It sure didn’t help mend things but he was exhausted of you. If you were looking for attention you’d have to find it elsewhere!
And things kept getting worse! Ethan was still upset and could not get over you. Could not go back to being his old, cheery self knowing you were mad at him. He tried to push his questioning thoughts away but sometimes they were just too much. One positive thing came out of that though: he created a mechanism. When he felt his head too heavy with thoughts, he would go out for a walk. It’s not anything he generally did, but it helped now and it was probably good for him to get some fresh air so it’s ok. That’s how he found himself hearing your laugh. At first he thought he was imagining but no, it was definitely you. Even tho he wasn’t sure where the noise was coming from, it was definitely you!
He tried following the sound, which led him down the street to a convenience store. He didn’t have to pass the corner of the building to know you would be there. He could now clearly hear you and Erica talking.
“It’s not my fault!” your annoyed voice was somehow comforting after so long of no contact
“Listen, I’m never gonna be the one to blame you. If anything, boys are always at fault!”
that got a laugh out of you. So sweet and innocent, it made Ethan feel weak. He knew he shouldn’t be listening into your private conversations but God, it was too interesting to back out now.
“Whatever. I mean he can like who he likes, it’s not my problem to deal with but also, I don’t wanna just sit on the sidelines and watch that happening. Gross!”
“Do you think she would say yes to him?”
“Erica I seriously don’t wanna think about it”
“I mean Sarah is way out of his league in the first place. And definitely uninterested. I mean could you actually imagine them together?”
“Ethan and Sarah? Yeah, I’ve done my fair share of imagining, thanks!”
This made E’s heart drop to his stomach. Him and Sarah? What the hell was this about? There was nothing going on between them. Yes, she was a pretty girl and he used to have a crush on her but that was a long while ago now. He’s swiftly moved on since she made it very clear that she was uninterested. Plus, the closer they got, the more he grew to understand that they would really not work, so it was all fine. So why were they the subject of conversation?
“Of all the girls in the world, you were the closest to him. Honestly, if he was gonna fall for someone, it should have been you!” and you scoff at this
“Well it wasn’t. I heard them talk. He’s into Sarah and all the guys are supportive of that. They are good friends and I wish them all the best but he made his decision and it was not me so I’m moving on in the only way I know how. Creating distance.” “Whatever you say girlie!” Erica’s voice seemed uninterested
Ethan left after that. He had heard too much. ```
He couldn’t find the courage to approach you about what he’d heard immediately after. A part of him was worried you would get mad for listening in on your conversations, the other part of him kept questioning what he’d heard and if it was really true. Did you want him to choose you? Because he will. He already has damn it, just didn’t have the courage to express it. Is that why you were so cold all of a sudden? Would this count as jealousy? He blushed anytime he thought about it. You were jealous because you wanted to be with him! How much luckier can a guy get?
At first he wanted to talk to Benny about it, get some advice but on second thought, decided not to. For a small second he considered asking his mom but quickly changed his mind. He had never really had ‘girl problems’ if you can even call it that, he wasn’t sure who to go to for advice. 
It took about a week for him to build up the courage to talk to you. He had pondered the idea back and forth basically every waking moment and was never sure what to do really. When he saw you waiting at the bus station one day after school, all alone and scrolling on his phone, he pushed back every thought and insecurity he felt and approached you, almost mechanically.
“Hey!” his voice cracked a little, giving away the nerves swirling in his head. You barely spared him a second of your time to look at him before going back to scrolling 
“How have you been?” he tried, admittedly lacking the old confidence he had around you
“Just peachy. You need something or what?”
“Just making conversation.”
“yeah…don’t really feel like it. Long day, y’know?” but when you caught his eye, the boredom was so clear in your eyes. It hurt him more to see you didn’t even care about hiding your distaste for him anymore
“Yep, got it.” Ethan laughed in response. All his courage, gone! Within seconds!! That irritated him so much. He had prepared for this. Went through every possible scenario, even tried acting out some speeches in his room in preparation and you still had him at your feet with a glance. He felt pathetic and for the first time ever, genuinely enraged by this whole situation. You used to be best fucking friends and look at you now! All within a matter of weeks and from a misunderstanding at that too!!! He knew how to fix this, he just had to say it so why couldn’t he? 
“I don’t even like Sarah like that…'' he snarled, under his breath and frankly it was a miracle that you heard him over the white noise of the busy town.
“Like shit you don’t.” 
That’s what you had to say? Of all fucking things that was your first reaction?!
“How would you even know how I feel?”
“Clear as day on your face and actions! I don’t need to be a mind reader to crack into that big head of yours!”
“You have no idea what you are even talking about! I act with her the same way I act with all my friends!” Ethan’s voice failed to hide the anger surging through his body. Now, as he faced you completely, head tall and fists clenched in frustration, you seemed just as uninterested. Your gaze didn’t shift from the cracked screen of your phone, shoulders hunched, totally disengaged. It just fueled E more.
“ You don’t even have a problem with Sarah!” he started again, throwing all logic to the wind and speaking whatever came to him “ You just hate that she’s a girl! You would have made this shit up regardless of who it was I got close to!”
Finally, your attention was on him!
“What the fuck makes you think I care enough for that?” you stood up, looking him in the eye
“You mean to tell me we’ve been friends for years with no problems but the second a new girl enters my life and I start spending time with her, you act all crazy and throw a fit? What am I supposed to make of that?” “This has nothing to do with Sarah to begin with! See? There you go making false assumptions again and acting all smart about them, like you actually did something!” “I’m not the one making unbased theories and running with them! You never even asked me about my feelings for Sarah! You just draw a conclusion yourself and then go complain about me to Erica, don’t you?” Anyone would have been able to see the dots connecting in your head at that time. You didn’t spend that much time with Erica anyways.
“You were there?”
“I was behind the corner of the store”
“You were hiding?! What the hell?”
“I wasn’t doing anything! I was out on a walk, I happened to hear your voice!” but his explanation gains him nothing but an irritated scoff. You go back to your phone, seemingly ready to ignore him again, but that just won’t be enough
“So now that all the cards are on the table, can we address the elephant in the room?”
“As I said, you like Sarah. It’s very clear. And that’s fine and you can do whatever you want!” your voice didn’t carry the same rage as before, much more mellow and distant. 
Detached.
“I liked Sarah! A long time ago. I don’t now!”
“Okay” said with absolute indifference. Ethan, couldn’t help a roll of the eyes
“You’re unbelievable!” “What do you honestly want me to do right now?!”
“Just say that you like me, if you do!” “I fucking like you Ethan! God damn, I’d think you’d be smart enough to piece it together yourself but clearly you’re just-”
The grasp Ethan had on the back of your head felt strangely powerful and as he pulled you into him, locking your lips together, you genuinely felt yourself considering if this was the same man you knew! Truth be told, Ethan thought about this moment forever! About kissing you, about confessing to you! When he heard your conversation with Erica however, perspectives changed. Now all his thoughts were clouded by you confessing to him, admitting that what his speculations were, in fact, true. He thought about what he would say, how he would react to receiving that confirmation. He practiced the soft smile he’d give you in return, the quiet but tender confession of his own feelings. One thing he never expected himself to do is to aggressively pull you by the back of your neck and kiss you powerfully. He never thought himself the kind to have enough confidence to just go in for such a shameless kiss, but in that moment he wanted nothing more than to just shut you up!
It took a little bit to register, to wrap your head around the sharp pull of your hair and the sloppy moves of his lips on yours. Every conceivable thought in your head told you to pull away, slap him, tell him to leave you alone but your body had a mind of its own and you found yourself tugging him closer by the collar. Your lips moved on his with just as much intensity and fervor as his! The build up of emotion, frustration, anger, all of it boiled down to this moment. Ethan’s hand sneaked around your waist, pulling you impossibly closer and finally, as if satisfied with this outcome, his grip on you loosened. His kisses turned progressively softer. The hand in your hair moved to cup your cheek and almost instinctively, you followed his lead, letting go of the tight grip you had on his shirt, resting your hand of his chest instead.
It felt like a real kiss. Like all the kisses you dreamed about every time you thought of him. You knew your cheeks were burning up and that now, after your anger had subsided, the reality of your situation, the confession, Ethan’s fingers pressing into the plush of your waist, all of it made you shy. When he finally pulled away, bruised lips and breathing heavily, you couldn’t look at him. All this time, you used your anger to cover for just how weak in the knees this man had you but now, somehow, even that had been stripped away.
“I…um..sorry about that! I...should have asked” Ethan was blushing just as much. He was starting to second guess his actions. He took 2 steps back, giving you room again, the feeling of your ragged breaths so close to his lips made his head spin
“It’s ok” you whispered. This was an unusual situation. In one move, all your cards had been turned upside down and now there was no point in even trying to deny the truth.
“So are we good?” Despite trying to sound confident, you could hear the edge of nervousness in Ethan’s voice. It’s the kind of knowledge that comes with many years spent together, and the thought makes you smile.
“Yeah. We’re good.” “Can we possibly be more than good?” Ethan’s chuckles, as if he already knows the answer, if the blush on your cheeks is anything to go by anyways. You giggle in return and nod.
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Text
Not yourself
Pairing: Dean x Reader Word Count: 2,203 Summary: The reader has been feeling off, ever since a nasty encounter with a demon. Trigger Warnings: Panic attack, self hatred, swearing. Mostly fluff. Requested: No
A/N: Requests are open! I really hope you enjoy this, my anxiety has been bad recently so writing about the things that bring me comfort has helped.
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Ever since Dean and I had started dating, some days were easier than others. When the voices in my head were quieter. The anxiety coursing through my body was not as strong. I didn’t feel jittery, I could focus on the tasks at hand and not want to spend all day in bed. Yet there were still bad days and today was one of them. Today, I was miserable. Anxiety tearing my every thought to shreds, making every task seem insurmountable. Instead of coming out as fear and sadness however, it was displayed as anger. Every little thing was pissing me off, breaking a plate, spilling my coffee and Dean making the wrong joke. All of these ended in outbursts of swear words coming from me. I couldn’t handle it today and the boys could tell. They’d both given me my space since the coffee incident, making up excuses to dismiss themselves to different rooms of the bunker. I didn’t blame them, if they were acting like me, I’d get it. I’d do the same thing. But that didn’t make handling my anxiety today any easier, not that it was their job to fix me, but they certainly helped. Some Days it was just easier to be mad at the world, instead of facing the real problem. The last couple of weeks had been miserable, but I had been trying my best to keep it internalized. 
Ever since the last hunt I had been on, two weeks ago, my thoughts had been hell on earth. It had been a difficult hunt from the get-go. What we thought was a vengeful spirit turned out to be a Demon. It had cornered me, separating me from the boys, even though they fought like wildfire to get to me, they couldn’t until the demon let them in. He had read my innermost thoughts, using them to get to me. He had taken all of my worst fears and brought them to life. All of the negative thoughts I had ever had about myself, something he voiced to me. Reaffirming them to be true. Sam and Dean didn’t need me, I was a burden, they were better off without me. My parents never wanted me, I was a mistake, I was worthless. Dean didn’t love me, he was with me out of pity. All of his words cut me like a knife, my soul in pieces before him. I had fallen for his tricks and he almost took me. I didn’t realize I had been screaming, until Sam and Dean finally entered the room, ensnaring him in the trap that they had set, and exorcising him. I remained in the corner of the room, helpless and useless. Dean had run to my side, the second we were safe. His arms becoming my safety net, yet I hated every second of it. The demons words repeating within my mind, over and over again. I had begun to shut them out, figuring that if they truly hated me, it wouldn’t matter. They wouldn’t notice until it was too late and I could slip away without any difficulty. I stopped going on hunts with them, making up excuses each time they asked. I could tell by the looks that they gave me that they weren’t convinced, but they didn’t push me. 
I am snapped from my thoughts by the clatter and splash of water, following me knocking over my cup of water. 
“Fucking hell,” I mumble, quickly wiping up the water I had just spilled all over the book of lore that I was studying.
“I don’t think hell has anything to do with that, Y/N.” Dean says, when I glance over at him he’s got a soft smile on his face, concern also imminent in his features. I don’t answer, focusing back on the mess that I needed to clean up. He offers help, but I decline. Already using the I had grabbed, to wipe up what water I could before laying the book flat to dry. I can feel Dean’s eyes on me the entire time, waiting and watching, for what I’m not sure.  
I’m about to brush past him into the hallway when he stops me, his hand gently grabbing my wrist. 
“Hey.” He says, turning to face me. “What’s going on in that head of yours? It’s obvious that you’re not doing too hot.” His voice is soft, his face shows concern and all that does is make me angrier.
“You haven’t seemed like yourself recently.” He continued, his eyes pleading with me to open up and let him in. Yet, I knew that if I stopped and talked about it, I would break down. I simply didn’t have the mental energy for that right now, so remaining angry was the only way I could handle things right now. I brushed him off, muttering a quick I’m fine and walked away heading towards our shared bedroom. I stopped in front of the door and debated going inside, but decided I’d rather be alone. So I continued down the hall to the room that used to me mine, I locked the door behind me and press my back to the wall. For the first time today I’m surrounded by complete silence. No music, no talking, nothing at all, yet the silence is overwhelming. I can feel the anger creeping away and sadness and anxiety washing over the empty spaces it leaves behind. 
I close my eyes, embracing the wave as it comes. I can feel the panic building inside of me making it more difficult to breathe or think. I find myself sliding down to the ground, my feet planted in front of me, my back pressed flush to the wall behind me. My head is spinning, thoughts screaming past like a car on a racetrack, circling around and around, unescapable. I can feel tears forming, hot and heavy, streaming down my face. I rest my elbows on my knees and cradle my head in my hands. Praying that this doesn’t turn into a full blown panic attack, but all the signs are pointing that way. I am so focused on trying to control my breathing and silence the sobs that are leaving my throat, that I am completely blind to my surroundings. Which is how I missed Dean knocking on the door, panicking when he tries the door knob and finds it locked. I don’t hear his threat to break it down if I don’t open the door. I don’t hear him follow through with his promise. I don’t realize he’s there, until his hands are pulling my own away from my face, his lips moving but his voice silent to me. I look at him confused, unsure how he got to be sitting criss-cross in front of me, pulling at my body. Slowly, ever so slowly, I can hear his words breaking through the roaring of the waves within my head. 
“Y/N, you’ve got to breath, baby. C’mon, with me, copy me.” He says, his eyes frantic but his tone calm. His hands cradling my own, resting one against his chest so I can feel it rising and falling. I take a shaky breath, my lungs screaming in protest, pure agony. They feel constricted, like someone is squeezing them to exhale while I try to force an inhale. 
“Can’t.” I choke out, my throat on fire. I am trembling, the kind of shaking that changes the way you speak, uncontrollable and inconsolable. Dean takes another look at me and without asking, he pulls me into his lap. My legs crossed behind his back, my thighs on his hips. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull myself into him as much as I possibly can, desperate for relief. His arms are wrapped around me, his hand finding my hair and rubbing his fingers against my scalp. His touch soft and calming, his voice echoing the same sentiment. Our chests are pressed together, forcing me to copy his breathing pattern, which is ever so slowly calming me down. I finally manage to take a full breath and almost sob in relief. I can feel Dean relax against me slightly, his concern lessening as my ability to breathe normally returns. 
“You’re okay, I’ve got you. I’m here sweetheart, I’m not going anywhere.” His words hit me hard, I want them so badly to be true, but I can’t bring myself to believe them. We sit in silence for awhile, our bodies intertwined. I don’t dare to break the silence, not really wanting to explain the reasoning behind my actions today. I know he is going to ask, he’ll want an explanation and I can’t blame him for that. I just don’t really want to give him one. He pulls back slightly, just enough so he can see my face. He wipes away the tears on my cheeks, his eyes searching my own for any non verbal explanation, but I look down at the floor not wanting to make eye-contact with him. 
“Baby, please. What’s going on? Please let me in.” He whispers, his voice tugging at my heart, he sounds almost broken. I sit silently for a minute, anxiety bubbling up within me once more. I close my eyes and consider the options before me, I can lie to him, or tell him everything. I choose the latter, my voice speaking before my brain can even process what’s happening. 
“That demon, the last hunt I went on. He got inside my head, he took all of my darkest thoughts and fears and put them on display before me. He affirmed all of my biggest fears.” I said, brushing away the tears that had begun to form again, unwilling to appear any weaker in front of him, any weaker than I had moments before. 
“What fears, baby girl?” He asks, his eyes still trained on me, watching my every action. 
“That you and Sam hate me and think I am a burden. He told me that you didn’t really love me, that you were only with me out of pity. He told me that I really was worthless, and that everything he said was true and that he had read your thoughts.” My voice fails me and tears begin to fall again. Dean is quick to respond, his hand comes up to cup my cheek and I immediately lean into his touch. He presses a kiss to my lips, strong and meaningful. It isn’t until I look up at him, that I realize he has tears in his eyes. 
“Sweetheart, that couldn’t be further from the truth. I love you, I don’t pity you. Sam and I don’t hate you and you are the furthest thing from a burden. You’ve been carrying this around for the last two weeks?” He asks, and all I can do is nod. I sniffle and he sighs, resting his forehead against my own. 
“Y/N, next time you’re having these thoughts please just tell me, baby. It breaks my heart to know that you’ve been carrying this around for the last couple of weeks, no wonder you’ve been distant.” I am a little taken aback at his words, honestly believing that he hadn’t noticed a difference. 
“You noticed?” I ask, trying to hide the surprise in my tone but he notices immediately. 
“Of course I did, Y/N. Believe it or not, I know you like the back of my hand. I didn’t want to push you, but it was tearing me to pieces because you wouldn’t tell me what was bothering you. I just wanted to help you.” He says, pressing kiss to my cheek, soft and gentle. I lean into him once again, resting my head on his shoulder and inhaling deeply. My body is exhausted, from lack of sleep and the panic attack that had surged earlier. 
“I love you, De. I am so tired.” I whisper, relishing the peace that has replaced my inner turmoil. I can feel him relax against me, his hands rubbing gentle circles in my back. 
“I love you more, Y/N. Wanna go watch a movie in bed and snuggle?” He asks and I nod, my arms squeezing him tighter.
“But only if you carry me, Winchester.” He laughs, but silently agrees. 
Thats exactly what we do, he carries me to our room and sets me gently on our bed. He tosses me a pair of his sweatpants and one of his flannels, knowing I am most comfortable when wearing his clothes. I pull them on, while he grabs his laptop and gets situated in bed next to me. We jokingly bicker about what movie to watch before he points out that the whole point of this is for me to fall asleep while watching, I concede and he puts on some action movie. I don’t complain however, knowing that it will keep him entertained while I sleep. He pulls me against his side and I intertwine my legs with his, resting my head on his chest. My arm wrapping around his middle and completely sinking into his embrace. I let my eyes flutter closed, my senses overwhelmed by his presence in the best way possible. 
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wroteclassicaly · 2 years
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Comfort
(Eddie Munson x Female Reader x Steve Harrington)
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Summary: Mother Nature is a bitch, and well, so are you. Until your boyfriends decide to help out a little…
Pairings: Steddie x Fem!Reader
Word count: 2,757
Warnings: Language, NSFW, bodily fluids, anxiety, thrupple fighting, blood, period stuff, period sex, vaginal sex, obvious threesome, tooth rotting fluff & comfort, and MORE!
A/N: You know, I can’t ever write a fic with the general idea in mind, and stick to it. I always have to develop additions along the way. Anyways, I’m gonna try and keep this one short, and I hope it makes sense, lol. It started out as comfort and I decided to just go for it, so if period sex/blood in smut is not your thing—AVOID! I also couldn’t decide between the two men, thus I am doing a three way again!
The feedback on She’s Trouble has been immaculate and astounding to me! I thank all of you so much, with all my heart! I’m sorry I couldn’t reply to everyone, it was just a lot! But I saw every comment and tag! 💘🥹
Also, I’m not using tags, because I don’t know who will and will not be comfortable with this kind of content!
I hope y’all enjoy this?! <3 - Kristen
~*~
You tried to be still at the Wheeler’s kitchen table, you really did. Listening to Nancy get lost in a speech about her latest editorial, Robin hyping her up on the sidelines, and the kids throwing popcorn at each other in the living room, with Mike bitching about it getting in the carpet and pissing his mom off. Your heels haven’t touched the floor since you began bouncing your feet about ten minutes ago, fingers fighting twitching urges to staple themselves to your temples. There’s probably a sour look of disgust on your face, but you’re starting to pass that point where do not you care. With the last dousing of humid air over Hawkins, Indiana, you feel as if your entire core temperature is a blazing inferno.
Combine that with the lacking effects your morning shower had to keep you cooled down, and you make for one pissed off person. You roll your eyes at your own dramatic antics, squirming in the seat and causing it to make a shifting squeak. It must be louder than you heard, as Nancy is questioning you. “Hey, you okay, Y/N?”
Dear god in Heaven, why is she drawing attention to me?
You fold your arms across your chest, tucking them neatly, teeth grinding as you force out, “I’m fine, Nance.”
“You don’t look fine. You actually, kinda look like you’re about to puke.” Robin interjects, hand draped across the chair adjacent to yours.
If you could move without that disgusting flood between your legs, then you would probably kill your best-friend for stating the obvious.
“Who’s gonna vomit?” Comes a deep voice that takes his place beside Nancy, who now has her brows knit in concern. Steve.
And wherever he goes, Eddie has followed, as of lately. You’re clenching your lids closed, head bowing, hands resting across your heated cheeks. When you look up, Eddie has that stupid shit eating grin on his face that you can’t decide if you want to punch or kiss. An automatic shared stare is directed your way, making you sink under its observation, nausea growing.
Steve speaks first, noting your disheveled appearance. There’s sweat beading all over your face, tension in your normally relaxed muscles, and you give an air of a trapped animal. He frowns, moving around the table and readying his large hand to place on your forehead. You quickly dart off, waving your hands. “How about no, dude?”
Dude? Since—
“when do you call Harrington a dude, baby?” Eddie cuts Steve’s internal questioning, confusing himself.
“When he starts crowding my personal space, Edward. That’s when.” You snap, Nancy clicking her tongue as the wheels spin in her head and she lands on knowing exactly what is going on with you.
Eddie’s jaw unhinges in a comical pry, hand splaying across his heart. “Okay, now that was just nasty.”
“Um, do I look at all like I care?” Hands on your hips, that crowded anxiety begins tangoing with your hormones, anger seeping from your pores like acid.
You know your mood towards them is irrational, you are too aware. But there’s a devil on your shoulder that goes by Aunt Flo, and she’s getting her kicks by pulling your strings.
“Okay, that’s enough. What is going on with you?” Steve raises his deep voice a few octaves, annoyed and defensive of himself and your shared partner.
Ever-changing moods, guilt swells in your chest, carving out its permanent residence for the next several days. Your vision blurs and you clamber from your seat, apologizing to Robin and Nancy, before walking over to where Eddie and Steve stand side by side, your fingers brushing over their hands, voice barely above a whisper. “M’ sorry. I just wanna go home, please.”
Eddie is perturbed. It was his week to pick out the restaurant for date night, and you’d all planned on driving over there after your excursion at the Wheelers. And now you’re acting like he and Steve are dog shit on your shoes. He’s nauseated.
Nancy is quick to catch you in a hug before you can leave, rubbing up and down your shoulders, her voice by your ear. “They might be guys, but I’m pretty sure they’ll understand if you tell them what’s going on.” She pecks your cheek and gives you another squeeze, sliding back and away, dropping off with an, “I’ll call you later, okay?”
You’ve never been more grateful for her and that mutual understanding.
~*~
The ride back to your house is silent. You’d opted for the backseat of Steve’s BMW, leaving your boyfriends up front with each other, stealing glimpses of your exhausted face in the rear view. When you do arrive at your cul-de-sac, you linger on the door handle, partially expecting them to object to your retreat. Eddie, whom can read you like a fucking textbook he’d studied three times over in school—isn’t having it. You can’t blame him.
“We’re goin’ on the date. You can stay home and mope and bitch at the wall. We’ll bring you somethin’ back later.” He’s got his hands folded across his black t-shirt clad chest, opting to cast his gaze elsewhere as you silently remove yourself from the car, heart being pulverized beneath your breast.
“No, it’s okay. Don’t… just don’t worry about it, yeah?” It comes off jagged and fragmented, versus how you wanted it to sound—reassuring and strong.
You watch them both in the beginning stages of blurred vision. Steve is holding onto the wheel tightly, his expressions fighting for dominance—ones that you can’t decipher in the moment. Anger or defeat, maybe? You nod, at who, you aren’t sure. You wring your fingers together.
“Well, okay. Be safe and have a good time.” As if Aunt Flo didn’t destroy your entire day, she up and leaves you for vacation, obliterating all your previous anger.
Stupid fucking hormonal bitch.
“I love you.” Comes off your lips in a softness that is directed at them both.
Eddie does seek you out then, nostrils flaring, chocolate irises softening. Steve opens and closes his mouth, words caught. You don’t stay behind to embarrass yourself any longer.
~*~
Cramps that are absolutely devouring your insides, you figure that’s a good punishment for your attitude today. Tylenol, nor the heating pad are helping, and your migraine has only worsened since you got off the phone with Nancy and an apologetic Robin, who made enough ‘crimson tide’ jokes to take you into the next century. Smoothing things over with them eased some anxieties, but you can’t stop thinking about how your boys are enjoying the date that Eddie was so excited about. Is it a burger joint that will be followed by chocolate shakes and handcuffs? Or maybe it’s a fancy little pizzeria and some cheap wine, with Eddie’s finest stash and his sinfully gifted mouth?
Whatever it is, it’s your fault that you’re not partaking. Scrubbing a hand across your tear stained eyes, you discard the heating pad and opt for some good ol’ fashioned sulking in your room. However, you don’t make it to the stairs before your front door is being unlocked and opened by the spare key, making you swallow in fear, uncertainty about who is there, until sunsets’ golden hues cast a halo around Steve Harrington’s beautiful face, his form framed in your doorway. His chestnut locks are discombobulated, but those freckles are crystal clear consolations. When he drinks you in, you immediately run into his embrace, his biceps flexing to hold onto the bags in each hand, letting them go, not even seconds later, enfolding you in a cocoon of: aftershave, Eddie’s lingering cigarette smoke, cologne, and freshly washed clothing. Steve.
You bury your face in his baby blue Henley, cheek tickled by wisps of chest hair that peeks out from a few undone buttons. He begins rubbing your back, strong hands kneading that specific tension at your tailbone, a moan dipping off your lips at the muscular relief. You mewl into him, his hands cupping your cheeks as you pull away with closed eyes, head tilted back.
“There we go, honey.” He’s praising, thumbpads scraping your cheekbones, down to your jawline. “What a good-fucking-girl.”
Broken syllables are uttered from you, a diaphragm depth voicing of neglected need, staved off by hormones. Steve knows what words and phrases get your bones dusted to ash, your body a pile of goo. And through a confusing midst, you’re worried about having to turn away his implications. These kinds of sensual conversations always lead to you underneath your boyfriend, cunt stuffed full of his fat cock, tears cooling in your lash line, Eddie encouraging Steve to fuck you just a little past your limit, because that limit is heightened each time. But right at this very moment… you can’t.
You feel the shiver overtake you, and Steve holds you closely again, fingertips striking goosebumps alive along the expanse of your arms.
“Leave me with half the load out here, Harrington. And look at this? Hogging our girl, dude?” Eddie interrupts, a little winded and depositing more grocery bags in your doorway beside Steve’s feet. His repeating your earlier phrase—sans malice or biting sarcasm, it has you grinning, making Eddie help himself to wrapping his arms around you from behind.
Eddie’s spicy and earth scent, cluttered with that cigarette smoke off his fresh pack, it collides into Steve’s, rendering you into that overlapping heap of stupid slut. And your little shits, they know. It’s what has you trying to pull away, remembering your situation. Eddie knocks his knuckles beneath your shirt, caressing and massaging that same spot Steve had pinpointed. You’re whimpering, pleading. “Don’t. I can’t right now, Eds.”
And if you thought Eddie Munson couldn’t surprise you anymore in this lifetime, you’d be damned for eternity. His lips find the shell of your ear, that smirk that causes his teeth to graze your lobe. It works itself off his tongue, hot and offered. “A little blood won’t stop the fun, sweetheart.”
Your eyes widen so hard that a protesting sting takes place in the muscles. You want to bury yourself in the floor and never come out, sidestepping their holds and becoming guarded. “How do you even know?”
“Nance,” Steve answers nonchalantly, “we called her when we went back to Eds place after dropping you off.”
“Wait, what about the date?” You’re in a stammering disbelief. “You didn’t let me ruin it, please fucking tell me—“
“Babe, and I mean this in the most respectful of ways,” Eddie says as he steps forward, gripping your shoulders, “can you please stop talking for five minutes and let Harrington’s sweet mouth explain? Besides, no way we were actually gonna go on that date without you.”
Steve smirks. Your brows pinch together and you huff, giving Steve the leeway to continue, meanwhile your heart is swollen with affection at Eddie’s admission. “At first she didn’t want to tell us, saying it wasn’t her place, but then Munson over there wouldn’t quit doing that begging thing he does, and then Robin started in by telling Nance that she can’t imagine his cute puppy eyes in agony, so… yeah.”
“Really?” You snort, shaking your head at your rocker boyfriend.
“Hey! It worked though, didn’t it?” Eddie is grinning, a grin that you most definitely want to kiss. “Found out our girl’s got a case of bein’ on the rag.”
“Must you use that phrase, Eddie?” You wince, your hand resting on your lower abdomen.
Steve remembers the bags and nudges Eddie’s shoulder to help him pick them up and take them into your kitchen. You’re stealing peeks when they’re discarded onto the kitchen counter, like a kid at Christmas time. Steve places his chin on your shoulder, wrapping his arms around your waist and using his palms to dig into that ache in your stomach, soothing it.
This guy is a fucking Adonis…
“Go ahead, baby. The stuff is for you. Well, some of it is for the big kid over there.” Steve chortles, Eddie flipping him the bird as he snatches his gummy worms from a sack.
“I don’t deserve it. I was a bitch to you guys.” You are mortified and saddened, hand pausing on the crinkling plastic.
Steve pecks your shoulder blade, pressing his cheek into the curvature of your neck. “Yeah, you were, but it’s not like you didn’t have a reason. And this stuff—total magic. An aphrodisiac to Mother Nature.”
“Nance totally told you guys what I’d need, huh?” You laugh, Steve joining in.
“We still remembered your favorites though. Lots of chocolate, Pringles, half of the gummy worms from Eddie’s bag.” At this, Eddie looks up, candy pinched between his milky white teeth. It’s endearing, really.
“Don’t forget about all the movies we hoarded from your work!” Eddie adds in. “Chick flicks galore, and lotsa horror. Maybe even a porno or two.” He sucks his sticky fingers into his mouth, letting them drop out with a pop.
Steve hums, nipping at your neck. “Let him talk me into bondage this time. He promises we’ll like it.” A kiss is seared into your skin.
You aren’t aware that you’ve began grinding back against Steve, tongue licking across your parched lips, hands shredding the bags’ handle, pupils blown as you watch Eddie, until Steve is groaning and pumping his hips into your backside, beckoning you closer. “Aw, fuck. That’s it, babygirl, rub that ass all over my cock.”
“Too m-messy.” You try, but make zero effort to stop.
“Messes are made to be cleaned, Y/N. You think we’re incapable of doing that?” Eddie is stalking closer, wedging himself between you and the counter, leaving you smashed between your guys. Eddie dips in a bend, then drags his already growing bulge over your clothed cunt. Steve is swelling against your ass, making you a simpering mess. They pass you back and forth in bumping thrusts, each matching the other, dominating your own, their mouths attaching fresh marks across each side of your neck.
You toss your hands back, pulling on two textured sets of hair. “Gotta stop. Fuck, s’ not… I can’t.”
And then they do stop. It makes all the blood rush to your head, dizzy. Eddie’s fingertip nicks your chin, tilting. “Ask us to stop then, Y/N.”
“And we will. You know we will.” Steve is speaking behind you. They share a look of love and strength.
You’re brimmed with an engulfing desire that is smothering every cell of common sense you possess. “I want. I just want…”
��You want Stevie’s cock in that messy little pussy, or mine?” Eddie kisses the corner of your mouth.
“Can’t decide. Need someone.” Oh yeah, you’re a goner.
“Think you’re lucid enough to follow us upstairs and help put some towels down, lover?” Eddie is amused, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear.
~*~
“That good?” Strong and thick thighs are pressed into the globes of your ass, hair tickling your flesh.
You bury your face into Steve’s freckle littered neck, muttering, legs trembling. “Mhm.”
“She’s so warm, Eds. Wait until you feel how different her pussy is like this.” His pupils are blown into a glossy black, flecks of cinnamon being all that remain of his hazel irises.
You can’t help but to tighten around Steve, legs locking around his waist, tugging him in closer as Eddie drapes himself across your chest and sucks a sensitive nipple into his mouth, cushioning his bites with those plush lips. Steve lets out this feral whimper, stifling it in your neck as he falls forward, driving himself into your overly wet pussy, the blood and arousal making it a slippery, but too easy of a glide. You’ve soaked the towel below, a fascination Eddie can’t take his eyes off of, stroking his cock in time with Steve’s rhythmic movements. That spot is hit inside of you and it’s more intense than you ever remember, making your vision black out, thigh trembling beyond your control. Eddie, patient and awaiting his turn with you, brings your mouth to his for a kiss, his tongue caressing your own in a sloppily slick push.
Saliva strings on the break-away, Eddie’s fondness of you growing. “S’ all tender and soaked inside? Gonna make me feel as good as it’s makin’ Stevie feel?”
You’re trying to nod, but it’s weak. “It’s amazing. You’re both, so fucking good. You’re everything.” You babble on.
Steve lifts his face from the cove of your jugular, licking at your sex-drenched skin. “That’s comfort, baby.”
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telltale-vixen · 6 months
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That Which the Eye Admires, the Heart Desires <3: Imperial Ballet AU
Thrawn x Female Human! Reader
Rating: 18+ in general, especially moving forward.
Warnings: None for this chapter, I am sure.
Plot: You are a soloist for the Grand Coruscant Ballet. What happens when you get pushed into the principal ballerina’s role suddenly and catch the eyes of a certain Grand Admiral?
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Chapter I: The Opportunity of a Lifetime Pt. I
5 days. We have 5 days to add the finishing touches to our production. 5 days until Empire Day. This will be the biggest show of the year with the most important people in the galaxy attending. The Emperor will be here, you thought bitterly. A shiver of apprehension went down your spine at the thought.
*in rehearsal*
“Let’s make those steps more consistent, shall we? Lena, you are meant to be gliding like a fairy down the aisle, not staggering like a Noghri!” The shrill voice of Miss Hillswine, your ballet master, rang out. Lena looked like she might burst in to tears from her embarrassment.
You felt for the younger girl. Lena was trying her best with the steps, the problem was she would get caught up in her anxiety. When she looked in your direction, you exchanged an empathetic look with your fellow ballerina and her face brightened just a bit. She would get the hang of it. Luckily, she was in the ensemble, so she could sort of blend in with the other dancers a bit. That should calm her nerves a bit, you thought internally.
Rehearsal went on for another three hours, the monotony of practicing the steps started baring down on you. You just had one more solo to rehearse and then it would be break-time. The dramatic symphony of the violin began to play, shaking you out of your thoughts. Miss Hillswine is observing from the wings of the stage, her steely Bonegnawer eyes shining with scrutiny. Here it goes…Three chassées down the aisle, toes pointed, leading into a pirouette, and one arabesque later, you have concluded your solo.
Before you have a chance to right yourself from your final pose, Miss Hillswine is already within inches of you. “Y/N”. “Yes Mistress”, your calm voice responds. “That was…” For a moment the worry lines creased in her forehead and her eyes narrowed. You managed to keep a serene expression, but anxiety trickled through in your mind. What could be wrong? “Mist”- “Exquisite.” she cut you off without the crack of a smile. So she was searching for what words she wanted to use. Mistress is obviously not used to complimenting her students.
She actually looked annoyed, but she always has a stern espression. You internally sighed with relief, but your face gave way to surprise. This was the nicest you’ve ever seen her, not that she had ever been too nasty towards you. It was the ensemble dancers that experienced her wrath. “Th-thank you, Mistress” the stuttered reply barreled out. She waved her hand dismissively and gave a light scoff, “Now no need for pleasantries Y/N. I want to see that consistency every rehearsal and especially for our Empire Day debut. No excuses. You may go. All ensemble and soloists dismissed for now! We will reconvene in an hour. Do. Not. Be. Late. Miss Anya will you come here please?” Her reply turned into a screech towards the end. There it was, back to business as usual. You curtsied and turned to exit the stage when Anya passes by and gives you her signature saccharine smile “Wonderful job Y/N! Never give up hope for a better role though.” Her confidence unwavering as she walks onto the stage. You roll your eyes and keep walking, finally making it to your dressing room.
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A/N: This is my first real go at a long-term fanfic. 😊 I am super excited to be world-building a bit. Obviously not with the Star Wars material. I don’t own that, but any o.c.s or details that I can add in, sounds fun! Right now I am in love with Thrawn, although I have not read the books. I will do that though!
Everything I gathered about him so far has been on here for the most part, so I want to do him justice. I promise he will make his entrance soon, and sorry in advance I broke the first chapter up in to two parts. 🙈 I just wanted to get it set up a bit. So this might be a bit slow. Anyway, happy reading! I hope whoever comes across it enjoys! 💖
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ninjago analysis? theory? fuck it im talking about a 10+ years old childrens lego franchise
so obviously one of ninjago's main themes aside from found family and reformation/growth is protection, right? the main job of the bounty's crew is to protect ninjago, be it from petty criminals to timeline-altering threats, and the ninjas will always be there to protect their home and the people who live in it
and each ninja has their own motivations to continue protecting ninjago, right? zane has his main directive, nya and kai are defending their home and found family, cole is living up to his mother's legacy, etc. and each of their motivations (as well as their backstories) inform the style of protection/defense they chose to embody, which led me to make:
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this. the Active to Passive, Protective to Defensive alignment chart. very basically, active = without prompt, passive = with prompting, defensive = coming from a place of self-centeredness and protective = coming from a place of selflessness. i know it looks bare bones and some choices seem questionable, so please allow me to explain each of my choices;
COLE
cole's style of protection is what led me thru this rabbit hole, when i heard his motivational mantra in his dedicated half-season 13;
"I will always stand up to those who are cruel and unjust."
this is what puts him in the active quadrant, along with his previously shown tendencies towards responsibility, stubbornness and refusal to give up on his ideals, no matter the situation. he is undeniably active in his protection, from being turned into a ghost making sure the mission doesn't go awry in season 5, to when he's traumatized, dropped from several hundred stories in the air into an oni-infested ninjago, but makes it to his vehicle anyway and comes back hardly (physically) injured in season 10, all the way to late season 13 when he stands firmly in his and his mother's ideals, honoring her legacy and not only defeating the skull sorcerer, but uniting the geckles and munces, freeing the upply AND liberating princess vania to run shintaro as a free and just society, almost singlehandedly thanks to him and the promise he made to his mother. now onto his second alignment; his actions and brand heroism is extremely selfless; cole doesn't need to find a reason to care or feel motivated to fulfill his ninja duties, his motivation is that there needs to be someone to do it so it might as well be him. when he's initially captured and sent to work with the geckles and munces in season 13, he immediately treats both sides as equals, tries to unite them and show them both of their groups are worthy of respect and liberation; he doesn't get jealous, like kai, or let his cowardice or anxiety overpower him, like jay, he selflessly focuses on freeing those who have been unjustly hurt by a cruel dictator. even before season 13, he's kind and nurturing to baby wu, uses the group's break up at the end of season 3/beginning of season 4 to help and be useful with his super strength; even when he knows revealing his identity could affect how he's seen in his workplace, he immediately gives his lumber job up to save a coworker from a nasty accident. he is a selfless, active protector of ninjago and i adore him for that.
ZANE
after hearing cole's quote/motivation, i got further down the rabbit hole when i remembered zane's:
"I protect those who cannot protect themselves."
his puts him squarely in the passive quadrant, as well as his in-character tendencies to avoid conflict (whether out of social ineptitude or strategic purposes) (coughcough season 8 getting cole kidnapped and saying nothing COUGH) and his need to be prodded in some way to act. zane, as a character, needs it proven to him that someone needs to be protected for him to protect them. not in a negative way, rather a logical one; why would he protect someone if they are fully capable of doing it themself? the only exceptions to that rule appear to be protecting people he loves (even though they are capable of protecting and defending themselves) but that self-sacrifice and burning need to protect comes from his selfless desire to see those around him succeed from his productivity or lack thereof. zane is undeniably selfless, and a pretty good god damn protector. his character might change if someone gave him the same effort he puts into protecting those he loves, but no one has quite allowed him that. in fact, i haven't seen crystalized yet because i can't find where it's been released, but the fact that zane turned off his emotions in order to keep being a productive, supporting member of the team in the wake of nya's death is a terrifying prospect and i hope he's given some therapy (or a dedicated protector of his own) very soon.
WU
"A ninja never quits."
while this may just seem like i'm searching for motivational quotes to assign to each character, this quote really solidifies wu's alignment as a solely protective character for me; a ninja never quits, but to do so one must use all skills at their disposal, whether the actions in and of themselves are passive (prompting and teaching his students so that they may use those skills for themselves) or active (every time he fights his kids, every time he fights a big bad, every time he fights his brother, etc) his overall goal is to protect who and what he loves for the sake of their continued well being. he sacrifices himself MULTIPLE TIMES in canon for the sake of his students and family succeeding in the mission and growing as people; his selflessness is undeniable. the guilt wu feels whenever his past comes back not to haunt him, but his students, his family, permeates in his voice lines and character animation. while i know and understand wu is not a wholly good character, his morals are steadfast, and his grand-paternal streak is a mile wide.
PIXAL
OH BOY I'M EXCITED FOR THIS ONE
"Was I more... useful? Inside the computer? ... I want to be a useful member of the team... I like having a body, but if you require my assistance in your headset--"
pixal's character is inherently selfless. it may as well be in her code, but according to the narrative of ninjago, from her introduction as a personal assistant in season 3 to her gaining nya's approval to continue being samurai x around season 8/9, every one of pixal's actions are actively protective, arguably moreso towards the citizens of ninjago (although that could be more attributed to pixal trying to honor nyas samurai x legacy, which actively focused on aiding the people of ninjago rather than actively fighting anyone, at least during her initial debut). she cares so much about being useful, of being productive in her protection, that she weighs the pros and cons of losing her body AGAIN (something she admits she does not want, her one selfish desire). she is actively thinking about how to aid the ninja's, how to make their future missions easier, and therefore how to protect the entirety of ninjago safer and more protected thanks to the ninjas. much like cole, her protective streak requires no prompting; no matter what kind of trouble is being made, she will be in the samurai x suit, in the sky, in the ninja's headsets, etc, she's nearly everywhere at once, willing to get her hands dirty to protect what she values the most. it's almost funny, the closest pixal has come to being a ninja is being zane's head mate for the better part of 3 seasons, and yet she has the most dedication and drive out of the entire main cast, seconded only by nya.
KAI
"all my training to become the best ninja wasn't in preparation to become the green ninja. it was... to protect him!"
while i would have used the cookie quote for both smith siblings, i feel this quote from season 1 really speaks to the heart of kai's character for me. he's a solid active/defensive character for me, mostly because he is consistently characterized as a stubborn, hot-headed and self-centered individual who is prone to defensive outbursts or periods of time (mostly during missions) where he will deliberately ignore whoever is in charge of or organizing the mission. these outbursts and disproportional moments of confidence are unprompted, and often lead to dysfunction in the team and it's dynamics. which leads to the second half of his alignment, his defensiveness, evidenced by his habit of centering himself in conversations and plans; while most of his seasons 1-2 characterization has passed, that age-old self-centeredness has remained. i'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's actually quite in-character and makes sense for his backstory! as he was a child saddled with raising a baby sister solely on his own, with no parental guides and few if any good role models, it's no wonder he would act (out) like this once given a semblance of stability and family. but that doesn't excuse the actions he has taken as a result of his childhood; he centers himself, likely because in his life before the monastery, he had to prioritize actions he takes and decisions he makes to keep him and nya afloat, but that relationship with responsibility is far from healthy and doesn't translate well into a healthy, loving family dynamic. i chose the quote i did because this is a paradoxical statement; kai's confidence says he's the best ninja, but reality says he is not the green ninja, the legendary ninja. before this point in the series, kai had been convinced HE would be the green ninja, so much so that the scene where wu sees if nya is almost breaks him and ruins their sibling bond. an aftershock of this happens when lloyd is reveled to be the green ninja, but either his lack of an intimate emotional bond with lloyd or his experience with this brand of disappoint make kai's reaction much less jealousy-prone and a lot more self aggrandizing. his self-centering, like his unprompted action, is instinctual, and a core part of his character and being.
NYA
this is another one i'm excited to get into <3 so bear with this long ramble please
"that's just the way the cookie crumbles."
i know this quote is much more recent than the others, and much more different, but nya has always been a different, more dynamic character than the rest. she is, like kai, both active and defensive, but much more muted than him. she centers herself because no one in her life, before or after the monastery and the bounty, have allowed her that. samurai x becomes her solely unblemished and untainted outlet to express her identity, but even that is stripped from her by master wu in season 5 when he rushes her into becoming the water elemental, and samurai x is stolen from her not long after. she voices her discomfort with both of these events, in season 5 and after, but she is given no sympathy, no understanding; once again, her selfishness has been stripped without her consent. she is forced to protect, to be selfless, despite what she wants. and the other half of her alignment, her activeness, is completely unprompted by anything. she is ingenuitive, building surprise mechs and road vechicles, keeping the bounty afloat, keeping comms and screens running, with no need to be asked to. there is a kind of selflessness in that, but if nya didn't do it, who would? and who would do it as well as she does? nya's relationships and role on the team and in the family force her to be selfish as a coping mechanism; everyone is a little selfish, everyone has a concept of their Self and feeds it, grows it from time to time, except nya, whose Self has been trampled on by nearly everyone in her life (her mother, borther, sensei, "boyfriend"). she is selfish, but i think she deserves to be.
JAY
okay, this is probably going to make some jay stans mad, but there are some undeniably dark truths about jay i will never get over.
"you told me we were never gonna happen. i thought maybe these three wishes were the very thing that would bring us together. i had to try... in my defense, i did just find out my parents are not my birth parents... nothing? really?"
jay is selfish. i don't mean that in a mean way, but jay has proven himself time and time again that he is a defensive, self-centered character, and that trait is most obvious in his treatment of and relationship with nya, as well as the ENTIRETY of season 6. despite nya's insistence on not having a romantic relationship with jay, jay deliberately goes against her wishes, choosing to use magic to make her fall in love with him, and for what? because some ice in the previous season said they'd get together? jay would respect some magic ice over his teammate and friend's sister? and in season 10, during the final oni battle at the monastery, he decides THEN is the PERFECT TIME TO PROPOSE, depsite having plenty of time beforehand! where nya could have time to ACTUALLY THINK about her answer instead of saying yes in case one of them died! so! jay exhibits selfishness pretty regularly, like kai, which lands him in the "defensive" alignment, but like zane, he is also slotted in the passive section. he often needs to be prompted, whether through words, threats, actions, mishaps with his team, etc, to do the right thing. his cowardice is ingrained in his being and hinders him from becoming active in his defense; cole is the one who lets the remaining ninja on the tiger poison island know how jay fucked up, and during the whole conversation jay is begrudging, almost refusing to admit anything and even has the gall to act betrayed when cole outs that he used two of his wishes, and that's why he was so paranoid about the jin. he tries to soften the blow of the conversation, tries to gain any amount of sympathy, by mentioning that he found out he's adopted, CONVIENTLY LEAVING OUT that how he knew was because he WISHED HIS BIO DAD DEAD TO INHERET HIS ESTATE AND MONEY. YEAH. jay's selfishness continues through the series, even into season 12 where he is given a FUCKING CULT for being so good at video games (and even in there, he needs to be prompted to do the right thing, AND ALSO KILLS NYA. A SECOND TIME. THIS IS A BAD TREND FOR YOUR PARTNER TO HAVE) still, jay is dedicated to defending ninjago and his family, even if he requires prompting to do so correctly.
GARMADON
"People don't change. They only reveal who they truly are!"
garmadon analysis makes me so giddy, so this might get off the rails really quick, be warned. like in canon, he and wu are similar but opposites; if wu's actions are solely protective, garmadon's (even when the evil is removed from him or hasn't taken control yet) are solely defensive, no matter how they are expressed. he, selfishly but correctly, wanted to keep spinjitsu away from aspheera, he is the one who decided to climb the monastery walls for his ball because he wanted to continue playing with wu, he tried multiple times (and succeeded! what a dilf!) to claim the golden weapons and rule as he saw fit (an inherently selfish endeavor). when the evil inside him was removed, he saw to become a sensei, and teach nonviolence in his own monastery, one he controlled so strictly not even weapons were allowed on the premises for fear he would pick one up against and wield it like he used to. no matter what stage of the story ninjago is at, garmadon is a selfish individual; but like how defensiveness can be used for good, so can selfishness! because of that, garmadon makes sure his son doesn't perish in the early seasons, he warns lloyd about the arrival of the oni in the later ones, and still keeps him alive through whatever means necessary. while wu weaponizes his selflessness to protect his family, garmadon utilizes his selfishness to defend it.
LLOYD
"unless my light is bright enough!"
i'm going to be honest, i considered not including a quote to reinforce my decision with lloyd. he's square in the middle; neither passive nor active, nor defensive or protective. he does protect and defend ninjago, and his family, but the meanings of those words in the context do not apply. prompting or the lack thereof, selfishness or selflessness, i feel like niether truly encompass lloyd. and i thought that was really weird; he's the main character, right? there have to be some hard lines in there somewhere that define him, right? but then i realized something. he's just a kid. ninjago is his bildungsroman, his coming of age. even after fifteen whole seasons, he is growing as a person, as a character, learning lessons, rights and wrongs. growing into healthier coping mechanisms and shedding older, unhealthier ones; learning to love living in a family. so of course he doesn't have a protective or defensive style set in stone; his body may be of age, but he still has the mindset of a traumatized, neglected, and abandoned young boy. and like a young child, he is inconsistent, selflessly giving his life up in seasons 4 through 9, but finally claiming a selfish (and well-deserved) break from training in season 11. copying his teammate's styles of protection (aiding the impoverished with harumi, pre-reveal) and defense (warning cole against princess vania, hoping no one will repeat his mistake with harumi, deciding all princesses are like her). he is both prompted (attacking and defeating his father, deciding to make the prophecy come true because of the actions of his family) and unprompted (weaponizing the lessons he's been taught by his family, his father and his sensei) in his action. i can't in good faith say he is solely one way or another, when his emotions and actions are out of sync across the series, one trait remains consistent in his character out of all others; the 'unless' principle; the idea that, hypothetically, the best outcome could come out of the worst circumstance, he only needs to make it so.
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