#most of it is just dissociating | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

feroluce · 3 months

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I've only recently started having my own thoughts about Emanator!Sampo and I think my favorite version of this is that he is technically an Emanator, it's just that he doesn't talk about it because Aha is a dick who only blesses people that don't want it and Sampo hates it here dkjxkdkdck

Aha blessed the Mourning Actors! A whole faction of people who have specifically made it their life's mission to resist Elation! THEY made a literal worm THEIR Emanator just to see if it would be accepted into the Genius Society! And when it wasn't, Aha just as easily killed it and tossed it aside! So I feel like there is a good possibility that Aha looked down at Sampo, this little oddball who doesn't seem to even like Epsilon or a lot of the Masked Fools and was like.

Hey.

You know what would be really really funny.

And I feel like being an Emanator wouldn't even be a plus for Sampo, because of how he operates. Sampo excels at blending in; he managed to smuggle himself onto a planet

that had been isolated for 700 years,

with only one (1) single city on it,

and going even further, he snuck himself into the Underground,

where the population is even more sparse,

and STILL. Not a single accusation of him being an alien! Not even after the Astral Express lands and proves that interstellar space travel is possible! Sampo is so thoroughly ingrained into Belobog that yeah, some people admit they don't know his origins, but none of it ever comes with the question of whether he actually is a Belobog native or not. Sampo knows exactly how to blend himself into his surroundings in the most subtle way possible. And being an Emanator, something far more powerful than any normal human or Pathstrider could ever hope to be, would only throw in a massive extra variable for him. Sampo would have to be so so careful to keep a lid on his Emanator traits, to keep up the appearance of being totally normal and average at all times. It doesn't help him at all.

And this part is pure indulgence, but I love taking Aha's closeness with mortals, and THEIR tendency to take human form, and twisting it into a case of THEM using Sampo as a vessel.

I want Aha to look at Sampo the same way all of us look at Sampo. A chew toy. A plaything. Something to shove through the meat grinder. Aha thinks Sampo is hilarious and a funny, silly little guy, and THEY want to put him in Situations just to see what he does. Sampo is not a fan.

This though, this is what makes Sampo so wildly entertaining as a vessel. Because Aha knows that Sampo does not want to be a vessel, does not even want to be an Emanator, and THEY find it SO much fun to watch the mental gymnastics he has to pull to convince himself he's ok with it, this is fine actually, because he's not exactly about to tell off a literal god. He doesn't feel like getting a smiting today, please and thank you.

Because squeezing yourself into a human vessel is so different than merely adopting a human disguise, there's already a human soul in there, it's kind of a tight fit. If Sampo doesn't make room, doesn't all but dissociate right out of his own body, it could cause. Consequences.

And so, Aha always gives a warning, just to watch him squirm.

It begins with the sound of bells.

Just little ones, at first. Small, clinking little sounds that could even be considered nice. Something almost gentle, like a wind chime in a pleasant breeze on a warm day. This is the signal for the countdown.

Sampo breathes in, breathes out. Makes himself as small as possible within his own body.

The bells rise and multiply, tinkling wind chimes give way to sleigh bells, to shopkeepers bells, the sound of something inevitable approaching, something entering.

Sampo breathes in, breathes out. Dilutes himself, weaker and weaker concentrations.

The bells rise and rise, multiply and multiply, celebration and tragedy resonating in the sound of church bells, ringing bright and loud, the sounds of weddings and funerals both the same.

Sampo breathes in, breathes out. Becomes like smoke, like vapor. Hollows himself out.

Empty, empty, empty until he echoes, like a bell, like something with the sole purpose of being shaken and rattled around, a thing to be struck, the sounds jarring and punched out and gasping and piercing the air, the lung, the eardrum.

Sampo breathes in.

Beaten he rings, bashed in he sings.

Aha breathes out.

#sampo koski #hsr sampo #hsr aha #emanator!sampo #emanator sampo #hsr #honkai star rail #my fics #pardon me I've been listening to a lot of kara kara kara by kikuo lately dkxjkskdmd #I really like Emanator Sampo theories and even think canon is pointing that way- assuming he isn't just Aha in disguise #but I also like Sampo being a pathetic little guy. a squeaky toy. just a little dude.#and thus. this skzjnskdkd #an Emanator but pathetic about it haha #stringing Sampo up like a piñata so I can beat him with the possession angst stick ☆#he just has a lot of personality. Sampo is very bright and vibrant and distinctive-#-and always perfectly in control of himself to put on the best show.#so I think it's most jarring to see him dissociate- to see him go completely still and quiet just trying to breathe and settle #breate and settle breathe and settle breathe and settle #until he looks distant and hazy and goes unresponsive. until he feels like he is barely within his own body.#aha thinks this is funny #sampo tells himself he does too because it's easier that way #(shaking hands with Aha and Sparkle as I too like to mess with Sampo and put him in situations snkzjsjdkd)

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systememergency · 11 months

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Every time I find myself wanting to tell someone close to me I have DID I always get caught up on the fact that the majority of people don't experience this and wouldn't understand it intrinsically. It makes me feel like there's a huge communication barrier that I can't truly encapsulate, because the concept that people don't have alters is hard for me to understand. The fact people don't function in life like this and wouldn't get it how I get it makes me so hesitant to tell people what's going on. It feels so natural for me that it's actively difficult to explain. It would be like trying to explain breathing to someone who doesn't breathe

#My sense of identity has always been *massively* fractured #As a kid I would cry in frustration bc I couldn't act like a consistent person and was convinced I was possessed #The fact most other people just... don't go through that? Strange & unusual #I also get hung up on the fact that ik the vast majority of ppl do not give a shit and do not go out of their way to research stuff #So the burden would definitely be on me and what do I look like? Someone good at explaining things? Lol no #Tempted to just say Hey I have DID and if you wanna know what that means you're gonna have to research it yourself lol #actually did #did #osddid #did system #complex dissociative disorder #did osdd #dissociative identity disorder #system things

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psychiatricwarfare · 1 year

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i dont understand why people yell at me when i say im slow (mentally), i mean it. its not derogatory or offensive unless YOU use it that way. i am slow. it takes me longer to understand and process things than most do, thats literally what being mentally slow means

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minty364 · 1 month

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DPXDC Prompt #58 Part 6

Everything happened so fast that when Danny finally got to flop onto his bed at the Wayne manor he let himself sink into the covers with a heavy sigh. Everyone broke off into their own rooms to change into more comfortable clothing once they had arrived. Jazz and Danny both had rooms, they started out as guest rooms but were quickly personalized since they tended to spend a lot of time here. Danny even brought most of his models and other various precious items that he didn’t want broken accidentally by his parents (again). His and Jazz’s rooms were set up just like the other bedrooms in the manor, with an ensuite bathroom. They both had dressers, walk-in closets, queen sized beds with ornate nightside tables, and decent sized desks with windows looking out to the backyard garden.

They were allowed to decorate it any way they chose so Jazz had her room painted a dark teal color with an extra shelf for some books she’d been studying, most being the field of Psychology. Danny meanwhile chose to paint his room a dark blue reminiscent of the night sky, complete with glow in the dark stars and some that didn’t glow, that were painted by Damian, they had all worked together to map it all out as accurately as they could.

Danny briefly let his thoughts wander as he tried to process the day's events. Was he okay? He wasn’t even sure at the moment, he was pretty sure he was a ghost temporarily and the weirder part was the cool feeling he felt from his chest was still there.

Danny with a change of clothes in hand went into the bathroom attached to his room. He looked at his reflection again and he looked rough, his eyes were red from crying and he looked exhausted.

He turned away and quickly got into the shower to wash himself.

The water felt hot on his skin but he marveled at the fact that he could still feel it. These thoughts helped ground himself as he finished up with his shower and got dressed in the comfy PJ’s he grabbed.

He found himself staring at himself in the mirror again. He couldn’t help it, his ghostly appearance from earlier had scared him and his normal looking reflection he now had was comforting.

He looked like a normal person, like he always did, his bags were now gone. Some small part of him thought maybe it was all a dream? That small part was wrong and Danny knew it deep down, but that small part still hoped.

Did he still have a pulse? He was still breathing and he was sure his heart was still pumping so he probably had one.

Going back over to his bed he picked his phone back up and after a quick Google search on how to check and what his rate should be he held two fingers to his other hand and counted.

He ran his hands through his hair and took a shaky breath. He counted his BPM at 29 BPM while the normal rate for him was around 60. So it was now less than half what it should be. He wasn’t sure how worried he should be about that or if he should tell anyone or keep his mouth shut. He couldn’t be a meta now either. Him and Jazz had spent hours discussing what it would be like to carry the meta gene and one day get powers.

He watched his reflection from the vanity above his dresser, would he turn back into that pulseless form?

A knock startled him out of his thoughts as he let out a small yelp. He almost didn’t register his eyes that flashed green for just a moment as he felt his heart skip a beat.

“Danny! Alfred called us down for dinner, everyone else should be down soon as well…” Jazz called from the other side of his bedroom door, her voice sounding like she was trying to keep up a sense of normalcy.

“Right… coming!!” Danny replied, his eyes lingered on themselves for a moment before he let out a small sigh and grabbed his phone and followed Jazz down the hall.

A few moments passed as they walked side by side in silence, Jazz kept sneaking glances at him, like she couldn’t believe he was here either. She hesitated for a few minutes before speaking, “...Danny? Are you… Okay?” She spoke slowly like she was scared he’d disappear and at that moment he wanted to do just that.

He wasn’t sure exactly what he should tell her, he felt okay but he wasn’t exactly sure. Everything felt the same but different, everything was the same as it had been before his accident but now he felt a weird dissociation with the world around him, like he wasn’t really there. He couldn’t explain that feeling to Jazz so he shrugged.

“Honestly your guess is as good as mine as we know about the same.” Danny answered with a sigh.

Jazz gave him a look that he couldn’t quite decipher, “are you sure you should be up and around then?” Her voice was quiet again like she was afraid he’d disappear. Danny couldn’t help but stop in his tracks as he thought about it.

“I mean, nothing has happened yet? I can’t really explain it.” He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand as he looked down and refused to meet her gaze again.

He continued walking after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence and soon they arrived in the Dining room.

#dp x dc prompt #danny fenton #danny phantom #dp x dc #dc x dp #poor danny #new power shenanigans #definitely in the next part #his body is settling right now #Jazz is heavily traumatized #Danny is too but he's so traumatized he can barely register it #dissociation warning #Dissociation #I've dissociated heavily before and it sucks #especially when I look at myself in the mirror #Danny looses control of his powers in the next part #Tim and Damian are definitely discussing things right now #I probably won't have their point of view but they're definitely freaking out right now #They've both realized what happened and they're freaking out #especially Tim #I'll be focusing on Danny's POV just because that's what I'm most comfortable writting #also happy mothers day to anyone out there #I'm over at mine right now I made breakfast for my own #Hope everyone has a fantastic day #my asks are open #all my prompts are free to use

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feelslikegold · 8 months

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good morning to jake fighting for his life in every interview 😌

#while being the cutest prettiest softest most angelface human alive <333 #he’s just like me dissociating fr 😭#I love him so much I miss him SO so so much :(#jake kiszka #🧚🏻‍♀️

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mirrorgrets · 4 months

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a chung myung

#when he's not doing shit i think ppl see him as the most angelic person ever #which really just means when he is dissociating and having the most insane ptsd flashbacks for 1 second #rotmhs #return of the mount hua sect #return of the blossoming blade #rotbb #chung myung #art #fanart #mirrorart #hwagwi

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reimeichan · 3 months

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I've seen the question asked a few times of "should I tell my partner/roommate/family/friends/boss/coworkers/etc. I have <insert disorder here>?" And while I don't believe in telling people what to do, I do believe in giving advice when I can. Whether the person takes my advice to heart is up to them.

In any case, I think it's important to consider the following factors when trying to make that decision for yourself:

How much do you trust this person?

How much do you trust this person to use this information in a productive way?

How much do you distrust this person and believe they may use this information to harm you or use it against you in any way?

How much time do you spend with this person in your day-to-day life?

How often will your disorder affect your relationship with this person?

How severely or intensely will your disorder affect this person when an "episode" happens?

If/when an "episode" occurs around this person, do you trust that they will respond in a respectful way?

How willing are you to educate this person on your disorder?

How much about your disorder are you willing to share with this person?

If you're not willing to share everything with this person, what are you willing to share with them? (ie. instead of saying "I have ADHD" you may say "I have trouble with focus and attention", or instead of saying "I have DID" you may instead say "I have PTSD" or even "I have memory issues")

Will this person take time to research and understand your disorder on their own, and how much effort are they willing to put into that?

Are you accepting of them asking further questions about your disorder and/or holding conversations about your disorder with them? Do you believe that they will ask you questions if they have any?

How will your relationship change when this person knows about your disorder?

If you believe the person to react negatively, are you prepared for any potential consequences? (Breakup, getting disowned, losing your job, etc.)

What do you gain from disclosing your disorder to this person?

What do you lose from disclosing your disorder to this person?

What are you hoping to achieve my disclosing your disorder to this person?

How important is it for you to have this person know that you have this disorder?

These are just a starting point for anyone who may be questioning sharing information about themselves with the people around them, and there's so many other points to consider. But if you have a decent handle on the answers to these questions, you will have a better understanding for yourself what you want to share, with whom, and how much of it to share.

#mental health #dissociative identity disorder #did osdd #osddid #cdd #adhd #did #this was originally going to just be about DID but I realized this is applicable to most any mental health disorders #but I'm still using the DID tags for this as it's mainly written with DID in mind #by green #by gray

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antiradqueer · 1 month

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Hey tumblr.

It's Luna, or more, someone of us who has no clue who they are right now. We feel like the embodiment of being sick and tired and just so done.

We have been thinking long and hard about what to write in this post or if we even want to make a post like this, but now that we're typing out these words, we don't know why we put it off so long.

We are permanently fucking off from the radqueer discourse. We can't take it anymore and we don't care anymore. We've lost all empathy and sympathy for everyone and everything involved in this shitshow, no matter which side they're on. The reason for this is not that we suddenly are neutral, we are still anti-radqueer, but we are so burned out and just start to dissociate the second we open the tags or see a radqueer post in the wild. We're naturally low empathy to begin with, but now every last ounce of that is completely gone when it comes to this topic, plus we just... don't care anymore. There's the 100th transnazi popping up? I don't care. Another "cisabuser" in the tags? doesn't matter. whatever. We're not a bad person, we are just done. We can't keep on doing this or this will eventually throw us into depression again and that might literally kill us. and I'm not going to let that happen.

when I think about radqueers, I feel so much anger, frustration and sadness - or more, that's what I felt. now all of that is just drowned by a dark cloud of tiredness and nothingness.

so, this is our goodbye. Knowing us, we will probably still roam the tags sometimes and depending who is fronting, some of us might even interact with discourse still, but like, officially, we are gone. (@ mod mew: if you could let us still have access to this account that would be dope af tho!)

I will also use this post to to encourage every anti-radqueer who's fighting tooth and nail to get blogs taken down and people banned, to step back for a minute, take a deep breath and think about if you really want to keep on doing this. we thought this would never take a mental toll on us, yet here we are. I'm not saying what you're doing is wrong, but I'm saying that maybe you could use your energy and will to fight for something else.

let's face it, radqueers will never be an actual threat to society. they are pathetic, sad people, hiding behind their screens, screaming "the future is radqueer!" over and over, but in reality this "movement" will burn to the ground eventually and they will go down with it.

do people get hurt in radqueer spaces? yes, they do and that's horrible (just a note as to how bad it's gotten with us: I write this and logically know that yes, it IS horrible - but I feel absolutely nothing. In all honesty, I currently don't care if people get hurt or not, because I can't care. it's like our brain shut off all emotions regarding this topic to protect ourselves). and I'm not saying you should stop offering them help, but I think you can stop worrying about the radqueers taking over society or whatever. if you feel this taking a toll on your mental health, please put yourself first. protecting your health and your life is always, ALWAYS more important that fighting strangers on the internet.

okay, in case you don't think of us as a total asshole with a heart of stone now and are interested in our plurality- and alterhumanity-focused tumblr life, here's out brand new system blog: @the-exodus-fleet And also our hosts blog: @talks-with-the-void

Take care of yourselves and thanks for every kind word and all the support we've got along the way /gen

PS: if any radqueer reads this and wants to celebrate this as a win or whatever, go ahead. if you need this to feel some joy in your sad, miserable little life, I'm not stopping you.

PPS: I still genuiely hope all radqueers eventually come to their sense and leave this bullshit ideology behind

PPPS: and to all radqueers who hide behind this label to abuse and groom other, I hope you lose all your friends and your family over this. you deserve no happiness.

#mod luna 🌙#this is probably the most politically incorrect post I've ever made #to be 100% open and honest I was THIS close to just add a bunch of threats and insults towards radqueers #I'm not a perfect person but I will not sink THAT low lmao #anyway we are dissociated to hell and back so. goodbye.#antiradqueer #anti radqueer #anti transx #anti transid #anti transabled

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cluster-b-culture-is · 7 months

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cluster B culture is getting an email from quora about a thread called "cluster b unmasked" and already knowing it's going to be full of ableist crap and questioning why you got an account in the first place

.

#cluster b culture is #cluster b #npd #aspd #bpd #hpd #Mod Reef #anonymous #REAL #i got it originally because i was dealing with (what i now know were) delusions but i couldn't tell if they were delusions or dissociation #and google had 0 fucking clue what the hell i was trying to describe #like. seriously. try being a young teenager trying to describe a delusion without knowing it was a delusion but being 90% sure it wasn't--#--dissociation instead #and on top of that. trying to describe it not to a human being but to a web browser's search algorithm #AND ON TOP OF THAT. trying to describe the specific delusion and not the general thing you were experiencing #anyways. nobody was helpful in the slightest lmao #and then years later i'm seeing cluster B shit from quora and just seeing the most vile things said about pwNPD #and seeing blatant misinformation about ASPD. from people with ASPD. shit like ''if you feel fear at all then you can't have ASPD''#so yeah i turned off all email notifications from quora. good riddance to be quite honest

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pluralcultureis · 8 months

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Plural Culture is feeling bad for the external caretaker because he's a 40 some adult male, who felt like he was doing something wrong by showering in an afab body even tho we really needed it

#hes gotten better about it #he still really doesnt like it tho #most of the time now he just passive influence™ me #endos dni #osdd #pdid #did #did system #pdid system #osddid #actually did #traumagenic #actually dissociative #plural culture is

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bpdohwhatajoy · 6 months

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I just realized I’m actually a person… oh hell

#ryan.txt #most days I do not feel real without even being aware that I don’t feel real #it’s like I just gained consciousness for a second lmao #dissociation

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o-kye · 24 days

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it makes me slightly uncomfortable when people who dont know about mental illnesses ask me how my day or weekend or night was. like what do you want me to say, im dissociated all the time and constantly have a feeling of dread?

#Kye is mentally ill #Kye talks #This isnt targeted at anyone here #You guys are all good about everything #Also most of you are mentally ill lmao #I just have a lot of neurotypical friends who probably have never heard the word “dissociation” ever

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swagging-back-to · 4 months

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another main reason i genuinely refuse to accept i have osdd most of the time is because of the way people act on the internet and in real life. all of the fakers making a mockery of it. there is NO self help group for osdd or did. period. it's for tiktok fakers.

a MAJOR WAY psychiatrists weed out real osdd and did from fake dissociation is by asking if theyre involved in self help groups. bc the fakers ALWAYS are. and the real victims? they NEVER are; bc of lack of awareness, lack of acceptance, and even if they are aware and do accept their diagnosis WHY WOULD THEY WANT TO SHARE THEIR PRIVATE LIFE AND A SPACE WITH PEOPLE MAKING A MOCKERY OUT OF THIS DIAGNOSIS AND USING IT TO ROLE PLAY AS THEIR OCS AND FAVORITE FANDOM CHARACTERS????? when half of the 'community' DOESNT THINK YOU NEED TO BE 1. TRAUMATIZED AND 2. DISSOCIATIVE TO HAVE D I SS O C I A T I VE D I S O R D E RS.

i would genuinely rather die than ever be in an online or irl community for dissociation.

oh and btw a good portion of you in the notes are the exact people im talking about.

#osdd #did #actually osdd #actually dissociative #thinking of how when i told a group of childhood friends about my diagnosis #(after id had it for 5 years and they were fed up with the symptoms showing up often.)#they all immediately and suddenly devloped 'did' and tried to tell me i was faking #i stopped ever fucking trying at that point #i hate my diagnosis.#i fucking hate eveything about it.#i wish i was just nromal so the most id feel about this bullshit is some irritation.#i wish i wasnt directly and severly impacted by this shit.#faking disorders

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alangdorf · 2 months

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Sorryyyy for dropping off the face of the earth; got kinda shy after that last post but mostly I’ve just been writing though I cannot guarantee that any of that will ever be finished (also I’m very insecure about my writing AAAH). Figure I might as well post the valentines I had done (like two months late lol); interestingly this turned into more of a hand lettering exercise than I was expecting lol

#len’en #yabusame houlen #suzumi kuzu #tsubakura enraku #haiji senri #art #digital #there was one more but I’m not confident it’s like. funny? and I have stuff I’d eant to change abt it #and these four have pretty good comedic timing as a set so I’ll just leave well enough alone #also had plans for a Kuroji and uhhh Xeno a but those haven’t panned out #you’ll have to excuse me I’ve been going off the rails and also have not fixed the meds situation (I’m completely out atm)#started like four fics; yes they are all suzutsuba and there is. so much sex (not described/on screen but STILL)#didn’t manage to stay away from Hamal Cine Bad End either jfhshsjfb #too nervous abt talking yo pol rn to leave comments but zaranthropy if you’re reading this I owe you my life #also I think I said I was inspired on something by dissociation constant and then when chapter 2 came out I relized it was something I had #completely misinterpreted but I’m too embarrassed to actually go and check lol……#*talking to ppl sorry I had to turn off my autocorrect cause it was being compeltely unreasonable #OH YEAH also this Haiji design was a little bit inspired by a redesign of them from uhhhhhhh who was it. idk most of their blog is gone but #I’ll go check my likes #anyway I like how they tuned out also that joke came to me several days after valentine’s and gave me the idea for this whole thing #edit: can’t find the post anymore for some reason but I think yhe name was like chiosu or something?#did somebody go delete their blog while I wasn’t looking

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doomsdayradio · 1 year

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i am. once again. curious about smth. systems put in the tags how you chose your collective name and/or pronouns (if you have those)

#for us we decided we'd change our collective pronouns based on the two most commonly used pronouns in the sys #at some point we checked and it was she/he which caused us to realize no one was comfortable with the body being refered to #with she/her so we stuck with they/he #our main collective name (poker) was chosen by the host after a certain fictive formed with casino/poker themes #and they basically asked if they could make the system theme poker related and everyone just shrugged and went why not #i dont really remember where chorus came from but ik fate came from the phrase cheating fate #words words words !!#❓#did #dissociative identity disorder #did system #osdd #other specified dissociative disorder #osdd system #cdd #complex dissociative disorder #cdd system #osddid #osdd did #did osdd

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v3il · 1 year

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systems with MaDD how do i tell if the 'conversations in my daydreams' are just alters communicating??? 😭

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